Crash Pandas: Too Trashed, Too Curious

"Crash Pandas: Too Trashed, Too Curious"
One-shot episode
The thumbnail for "Crash Pandas: Too Trashed, Too Curious" (OSx24), featuring Marisha Ray, Blair Herter, Matthew Mercer, Travis Willingham, Laura Bailey, Liam O'Brien and Sam Riegel.
Episode no.Episode 24
AirdateSeptember 21, 2018 19:00 PDT
Running time2:53:15
Game systemCrash Pandas
Starring
Blair Herter as Albert
Matthew Mercer as Reggie Burns
Marisha Ray as Rhinestone
Liam O'Brien as Ringo
Laura Bailey as Izzy
Travis Willingham as Goober
and
Sam Riegel as the Game Master
Links and related articles
Episode chronology
Previous
"Liam's One-Shot: The Song of the Lorelei" (OSx23)
Next
"Critical Role and the Club of Misfits" (OSx25)
Airdate order
Previous
"Dockside Diplomacy" (2x35)
Next
"Talks Machina #83: Dockside Diplomacy" (TM2x35)
List of one-shots

"Crash Pandas: Too Trashed, Too Curious" (OSx24) is the twenty-fourth one-shot. Sam Riegel's raucous raccoon speedsters are hitting the road with our special Crash Pandas one-shot! Crash Pandas is a one-page table top role-playing game created by Grant Howitt.

This one-shot was achieved as a reward for reaching $20,000 donation goal, sent to the Pablove Foundation.

Synopsis[edit | edit source]

Announcements[edit | edit source]

  • Sam Riegel thanked Critical Role fans for donating to the Pablove Foundation. As of the filming, they had raised $70,000.
  • At the end of the session, the cast announced a random give away of a custom Pablove bicycle and a PS4.

Main part[edit | edit source]

"Prologue: To Dumpster Dive in LA"[fn 1]

In Los Angeles, California, the trash piles raccoons are used to living on are drying up. Five raccoons have heard about a street racing championship called Racing on Dangerous Extreme Nighttime Terrain (RODENT). RODENT is for human racers only. The winner gets a trophy, a money prize, and an access to the Staples Center's parking lots, which contains dozens of dumpsters, copious with food.

"Scene I: A Dry River Runs Through It"

Five raccoons, intrigued by the promise of the access to the dumpsters, have join forces to enter the qualifying race to the RODENT championship. They are:

  • Reggie Burns, played by Matt Mercer. He has debts he needs to pay off, and has a broken arm.
  • Rhinestone, played by Marisha Ray. She posts a lot on Animalgram and is looking to find her father. Her fur is dyed purple.
  • Ringo, played by Liam O'Brien. His cousin was killed because he got involved in human street racing. Ringo is looking for revenge.
  • Izzy, played by Laura Bailey. She wants to meet Vin Diesel. She developed a crush on him while watching The Fast and the Furious, which she remembers as The Fast and the Furriest.
  • Goober, played by Travis Willingham. He loves cars and working on cars.

The raccoons hide around the outskirts of the assembled drivers and audience. Grecian Toretto, in charge of running the race, explains that there are five cars in the race, and first and second place, successfully racing through the LA river and crossing underneath the bridge of the 2 Freeway, will go onto the championship. No other rules. If the driver dies, Grecian gets their car.

The raccoons don't have a car, and had to steal one. Their car options are: Taxi Cab Concussions (a yellow taxi cab), a green corvette called Victor von Vroom, REV Speedwagon (called simply the station wagon by the cast), an exterminator van called The Exterminator, and an ice cream truck called Mr. Fasty. The drivers are away from their vehicles talking to Grecian, so the raccoons have time and space to investigate the vehicles.

The racoons decide on the ice cream truck, wherein Goobers discovers a nitrous oxide engine inside its trunk. Izzy unsuccessfully tries to climb into the partially ajar serving window, accidentally attracting the attention of of the truck's driver. Meanwhile, Ringo investigates the Exterminator and takes a bottle of poison. Goober opens the back of Mr. Fasty with his grappling hook. Goober, Izzy, Rhinestone, and Reggie scramble into the vehicle. Ringo distracts the driver by running circles around her and throws his bottle of poison at her. Ringo runs to get into Mr. Frosty, while the driver coughs from the poison, unable to pursue the party. Reggie hotwires Mr. Fasty. The four other drivers return to their vehicles, and Grecian then starts the race.

The team hit the gas on Mr. Fasty, and immediately turns slightly to hit Taxi Cab Concussion. Next, Goober tries to straighten them out while Reggie Burns instead turns more, trying unsuccessfully to take out the Exterminator. Ringo throws ice cream out the back of the truck, aiming for the cars, but instead only gets it on the road. Trying to avoid the ice cream puddle, Taxi Cab Concussion hits the station wagon, and gets knocked out of the race, while the station wagon continues on, largely uninjured. The Exterminator pulls in front of the raccoons, and throws out a smoke screen. Ringo ties his rocket to a bell cord in the ice cream truck and jumps out the window, activating the rocket. The kinetic energy of the rocket pulls Mr. Fasty forward physically over the Exterminator, and so the team is able to avoid the smoke screen.

Next, the teams drives over a large industrial waste/water puddle. Izzy throws her broom out the back of the truck like a spear, piercing through the Exterminator's windshield and killing its driver. The Exterminator explodes. Only Mr. Fasty, the station wagon, and Victor von Vroom are left in the race.

The vehicles head toward the ramp leading from the LA river. Victor von Vroom, who is in the lead, successfully jumps over. Ringo jumps onto the station wagon. Mr. Fasty takes damage during its collisions with other vehicles, and so Izzy, Rhinestone, and Goober form a chain-link out of the van, and fix the truck's hubcap with duct tape. Reggie chuck his cough syrup out at the windshield at the station wagon, covering it. Blinded, the driver slams into a wall. Ringo, still clinging to the side of the station wagon, jumps to grab onto the Izzy-Rhinestone-Goober chain. Ringo also pees on the side of the station wagon. Mr. Fasty takes the ramp. Only Mr. Fasty and Victor von Vroom were left in the race. In the final leg of the race, hobos throw rocks at Mr. Fasty. Goober takes a rock to the face and goes unconscious. Rhinestone pulls Goober to safety while taking an Animalgram video, drawing a lot of new followers to her account. Goober then comes back to consciousness.

Mr. Fasty finishes second, but since both first and second place proceed to the RODENT Championship, it is still a victory. Grecian approaches Mr. Fasty and congratulates the party, also clarifying that (even through the race is called "RODENT") no rodents are allowed; if spotted, the rodents are killed on sight. Reggie donnes on a fake beard and glasses. Using an ice cream uniform, Izzy, Ringo, and Goober acts as Reggie's torso and arms, and Rhinestone acts as his hair. This fools Grecian into thinking the raccoons are a singular human being, and Reggie claims their name is Sprocket Raccoon. Graecian tells them that the meeting spot for the championship is LAX (Los Angeles's international airport), in one week's time. Just as the racoons are about to leave, the actual owner of Mr. Fasty recovers from the poison, and tells Grecian that the Mr. Fasty driver stole her truck. Grecian replies that there are no rules in the race, which the driver promptly accepts and leaves.

"Chapter II: How to Train Your Dragster" and "Chapter III: Need for Speed"

In the following week, the team heads to the dump to find new parts for Mr. Fasty. They met Albert T. Skunk, nicknamed Bald Paw (played by Blair Herter). He is an older skunk who has a grabby doll hand in place of his right paw. He reveals that he used to be a street racer, who lost a paw in a vehicle accident, and lives in a dump now. The team is then interrupted by a human woman named Jessica, holding a shotgun, who works in the dump. Jessica and Bald Paw know each other, and he gets her to leave the raccoons alone. As she walks away, Bald Paw reveals they are lovers. Izzy takes this as proof that human-animal relationships are possible.

Rhinestone tries to ask Bald Paw more about her mother, but he brushes her off. Meanwhile, Reggie follows Jessica. Jessica watches over a pit in the dump, which holds premium useful trash, including car parts. Reggies returns to the team and tells them about it. Albert reveals to Rhinestone that he had a fling with her mother and, as it turns out, she is his daughter. Inspired to aid his new-found daughter, Bald Paw agrees to help them get car parts from the pit and join the race. Rhinestone is half-skunk, and dyes the white parts of her hair purple.

The team sneak over to the pit, and Reggie notices that there are three rats watching him from a distance, who remind him of his past. Reggie used to work for Big Paulie (a large rat), whom he owns a lot of debt (in a scrap value). This is the rats who broke his arm, which was still in a cast. Reggie strives to win the championship to pay back his debts.

The team steal from the pit, while Bald Paw distracts Jessica by kissing her. Ringo fires his rocket at Jessica in an unsuccessful attempt to steal her shotgun, but misses. He loses both his rocket and his chance at stealing the shotgun. This puts Jessica on alert, and she turns on floodlights. Izzy, Goober, and Rhinestone, who descended into the pit, throw items up to Reggie, who is blinded by the floodlights.[fn 2]

After stealing five items, the raccoons flee.

"Chapter IV: Days of Blunder"

The five items the team got are: a bag of sand, a sail and a mast from a small boat, flame decals, barbecue tools, kerosene, and a brand new PS4. There is also an old T-shirt cannon in the PS4 box.

In the team's workshop based in the storage room of the Howitt Club, the team work on Mr. Fasty. Reggie adds a device to spray the road behind them with melted ice cream. Ringo combines kerosene canister to with T-shirt cannon making a new rocket launcher. Goober attaches the sail and mast to Mr. Fasty. Izzy adds flame decals and a papier-mache of Vin Diesel's face to the exterior of the truck, before watching a Vin Diesel marathon at a movie theater across the street. Ringo attaches barbecue tools to the wheel spokes, intended to pop opposing vehicle's tires. Bald Paw and Rhinestone bond, and Bald Paw gives her a locket, revealing she was a skunk after all. Several raccoons also play games on the PS4.[fn 3]

"Chapter V: Fast and Loose Ends"

One night, Reggie is accosted by three rats: Big Paulie, Medium Paulie, and Slightly Shorter Paulie. Big Paulie says Reggie can pay off his debts by killing the driver of the white car that participates in the Championship. The driver is implied to be Vin Diesel. If Reggie will not fulfill his mission, they threaten to kill Maxine, Reggie's girlfriend.

"Chapter VI: Furry Road"

In the industrial part of El Segundo, California. The team arrive at the start line and prepare for the championship race. Grecian explains that the racers will drive to LAX runway number six in order to win the race. The drivers in this race are: Mr. Fasty, Victor von Vroom from the previous race, Sass-car (small car with a sassy driver), Mother Trucker (a pickup truck), actual Vin Diesel in a white Supra, a motorcyclist called "Guy on Motorcycle", and the defending champion — Roadkill in a Ferrari, who had killed Ringo's cousin and decorated the car's hood with a racoon skull. As Ringo stares at him, the Roadkill's eyes flash yellow.

Rhinestone takes the sandbag, they got from the junkyard, and pours sand into Victor von Vroom's gas tank. She also goes online and doxxes one of the other drivers. Reggie detaches a sharp barbecue tool from the wheels of Mr. Fasty. When the race was about to start, Bald Paw steps away from Mr. Trucker, not intending to participate in the race, but his tail gets stuck in the backdoor of Mr. Fasty, and Bald Paw is pulled along with the car.

The race begins. Due to the sand in his tank, Victor von Vroom is unable to get his engine going. Mr. Fasty does two 360s spins at the starting line, almost smashing into the crowd, while all other drives take off. Mr. Fasty then continues forward, turning slightly to avoid a barrier on the road. "Guy on Motorcycle" hits an another obstacle and dies. Sass-car drover insults the raccoon team, causing Goober to ease off the accelerator and slow down Mr. Fasty. Mother Trucker releases a box of knives out the back of the truck, and Mr. Fasty swerves to avoid them. Rhinestone grabs one of the knives, but in doing so falls outside of the car. Bald Paw, still stuck to the back of the ice cream truck, barely catches and saves her from being left behind.

The next obstacle on the road is a bridge, and not everyone could fit under it at the same time. Goober unfurls the sail. Ringo fires his new rocket launcher at Roadkill, but Roadkill counters it using an automated catcher's mitt to redirect it, and the rocket hits the dead motorcyclist. Reggies activates the nitrous tank, and Mr. Fasty flips up and jumps over the bridge. The ice truck comes down in the lead, taking small damage.

Izzy releases the melted ice cream behind them, and makes flirty eye contact with Vin Diesel. Ringo jumps onto Roadkill's car, but barely manages to hang on. Rhinestone throws her newly acquired knife at Sass-car's tire, but misses. Reggie leaps onto Vin Diesel's car, but like Ringo has a loose grip on the car. Mother Trucker spins out on the melted ice cream and gets stuck in place. Vin Diesel hits some of the ice cream and slows down. Roadkill and Sass-car are now neck and neck with Mr. Fasty.

Reggie climbs closer to the sunroof of Vin Diesel's car and starts to have second thoughts. Ringo climbs into Roadkill's car. Roadkill, speaking in a robot voice, jerks his car and the momentum throws Ringo on the constriction equipment at the side of the road. Sass-car pulls into first, and attempts to insult the team of raccoons again, but they ignored it without issue. Roadkill tries to pass Mr. Fasty from the right, and one of his tires is gouged with the barbecue tools on Mr. Fasty's wheels. As the Roadkill drives along them, he shoots darts at the ice cream truck, damaging it.

Reggie, thinking of Maxine, tries to stab Vin Diesel with a barbecue tool. However, Izzy throws her banana peel at Vin Diesel's car, causing it to spin and toss Reggie towards Mr. Fasty, where Izzy pulls him into the car, and they have a heart-warming moment. Meanwhile, Rhinestone goes on Twitter and drags Sass-car's name through the mud. Goober climbs along the exterior of the vehicle and pours kerosene into the gas tank, giving them extra speed. Mr. Fasty catches up to Sass-car, with Roadkill on their tail.

The team see the finish line, when an airplane starts to land on the runway they are on. They accelerate, and knock Sass-car off the road. Sass-car doesn't care, as she was reading her phone and crying. She had been fired from her job because of Rhinestone's Tweets.

Roadkill fires two missiles at Mr. Fasty, but both miss. Bald Paw releases a parachute out of the back of the ice cream truck, and blocks Roadkill's windshield. Roadkill starts swerving. Ringo, who is left behind, jumps into Vin Diesel's car, and convinces him to drive in the direction of Roadkill to fulfill the race justice. Reggie leaps towards Roadkill's car and smashes through the windshield, slashing with his barbecue tool. He discovers that Roadkill is a robot driven by rats inside of it: Big Paulie, Medium Paulie, and Slightly Shorter Paulie, killing two of them. Slightly Shorter Pulie manages to into the bottom of the suit.

The plane lands, heading right into the Mr. Fasty, and turns left to avoid it. But Mr. Fasty swerves right, and the plane clips Mr. Fasty's front engine. Ringo, still in Vin Diesel's car, turns the wheel smashing into Roadkill. He climbs into Roadkill's car, and he and Reggie, discussing the occurred events, jump into Roadkill's robot body and take control of its operation. They smash Slightly Shorter Paulie to death.

The only vehicles left in the race are Vin Diesel's car and Mr. Fasty. Vin Diesel, back in control of his car, is still trying to win the race. Mr. Fasty cannot move due to the damage they took, but they still had a sail attached to their car, which brings the car to the finish line ahead of Vin Diesel.[fn 4]

The team quickly puts on their Sprocket Raccoon disguise. Izzy, now acting as the face of Sprocket, flirts and kisses Vin Diesel.

Featured characters[edit | edit source]

Player characters[edit | edit source]

NPCs[edit | edit source]

  • Big Paulie, a large rat and the debtee of Reggie
  • Dane Cook, attended the championship race
  • Jessica, guard at the junkyard
  • Grecian Toretto
  • Medium Paulie, associate of Big Paulie
  • Roadkill, the defending champion and the one who cause the death of Ringo's cousin
  • The Situation, attended the championship race
  • Slightly Shorter Paulie, associate of Big Paulie
  • Vin Diesel, a racer

Mentioned[edit | edit source]

  • Jezebel, medium-to-large blogger
  • Maxine, Reggie's ex-girlfriend
  • Scraps, Ringo's cousin

Quotations[edit | edit source]

  • Sam: You've heard of an illegal street racing circuit called the Racing On Dangerous Extreme Nighttime Terrain or R.O.D.E.N.T Circuit.[1]

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • The part of the title to this episode (Too Trashed, Too Curious) is a reference to the film: 2 Fast, 2 Furious
  • This is one of the few Critical Role episodes without a break in the middle.

References[edit | edit source]

  1. "Crash Pandas: Too Trashed, Too Curious" (OSx24) at 6:04.

Footnotes:

  1. All chapter titles were given by Sam Riegel.
  2. Out of the game, Laura, Travis, and Marisha throw ping-pong balls at Matt, who is wearing gloves and has a bag over his head. There are numbers on each of the balls, and for every ball Matt catches, the team gets an item corresponding to the number. At the end, Liam also joins in.
  3. Out of the game, Sam asks Travis a series of car related questions. Travis passes, and the team gets to keep all the modifications to Mr. Fasty they made.
  4. Out of the game, the cast blows air with their mouths to fill the sail on Mr. Fasty, and they move the toy car past the finish line. Mr. Fasty and the team won the race.