Transcript:A Cycle of Vengeance

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons and occasionally get shivved by a rakshasa.

LAURA AND ASHLEY: No!

MATT: Occasionally.

ASHLEY: Go away.

MATT: So! Before we go ahead and jump into the game tonight, let’s go ahead and do a couple quick announcements. First and foremost, returning again this week, our sponsor Loot Crate for bringing this episode to you guys. For those who are familiar with it, and most of you are at this point, but Loot Crate is a monthly subscription box service. They have awesome geek-related gear and merchandise and clothing, a lot of them exclusive to the box. You get $20 a month to get 6-8 items that include licensed gear, apparel, collectible, all that fun-ness, but you also get a $3 discount if you go ahead and sign up at lootcrate.com/criticalrole and enter the key phrase criticalrole - one word - into that new subscription code box. They also have a DX box, which is bigger, awesome for the super-collector out there. Which has a bunch of really awesome exclusive content. Plays awesome music from Ashley’s phone.

ASHLEY: That’s true, you all get my phone if you get it.

MATT: This month’s Dystopia boxes will be shipping out soon to those of you guys who subscribed, and Loot Crate will be announcing their next box tomorrow, 6/24.

TRAVIS: Yeah, they will!

MATT: So look forward to that - and you’ll see what their next theme is, which will be nice.

LAURA: How - you were already here!

MATT: Sam! Come on in, sir.

MARISHA: You’re here, you’re still coming in.

MATT: You were on time and you’re still somehow late.

SAM: Nobody told me that the show was starting.

MATT: It’s 7:00! It’s crazy.

SAM: Oh, that’s right.

LAURA: Oh, that’s how it works.

MATT: So yeah. The links are in the chat. Check it out if you’re interested in signing up for Loot Crate. We hope to make it a little bit cheaper for you. So, there. We got that. The Critical Role t-shirt design contest has been live for a while.

LAURA: There are so many good pieces.

MARISHA: Oh man, so many good ones.

MATT: It’s going to be ridiculous. I’m not looking forward to having to choose.

MARISHA: Yes, I know, it’s going to be tough.

TRAVIS: Stick figures for the win.

MATT: But yeah, it closes June 24th, guys. This Friday at midnight. So go ahead and get them in; you got one more day for the most part, a little over a day to get those last entries in and we’ll announce those winners soon. Remember, you have to be 18 or older to enter, or you can have a guardian enter -

LAURA: We choose the top three, right? And then the Critters get to -

MATT: The Critters choose the last one.

SAM: But you can already vote.

LAURA: Yeah, I don’t understand how that’s working, because we’re choosing the top three, and then the Critters get to choose between the ones that we choose.

MARISHA: I think it’s supposed to be like how our Congress is supposed to work,

SAM: They’re choosing representatives?

MARISHA: Yeah, exactly.

LAURA: I understand.

MARISHA: We’ll see what you want -

LAURA: And disregard it completely.

MARISHA: We’ll disregard it completely and just make our own choice.

MATT: We’re just all not in the room where it happens.

ALL: (singing) I wanna be in the room where it happens, the room where it happens, the room where it happens.

MATT: Oh god, we’re those people. Sorry. Anyway, that ends tomorrow. You have to be 18 or older to enter, but you can have a guardian enter on your behalf if you’re a young artist. Fantastic news. Next up, our posters that we put up last week.

ALL: Oh!

MATT: Really excited about those, done by the awesome Joe Mad. Those are still on sale. We have one more week only for the exclusive cast-signed posters, and then two weeks for the pre-order for the regular poster. Go check it out at the Geek & Sundry shop if you’re interested. The artwork is amazing.

TRAVIS: They’re so pretty!

ASHLEY: They’re just so pretty!

MATT: Pretty sick, movie poster-sized.

TRAVIS: I want it in a frame.

ASHLEY: They’re so pretty in person.

LIAM: In person, they look about ten times more vibrant than the images I saw.

SAM: Just like us!

MATT: Mostly Sam, though. You can’t help but be so vibrant. (funny voice) I just spilled on my groin. I don’t know why I felt like saying that out loud. So those are the posters. Check them out at shop.geekandsundry.com/collections/criticalrole. Starting tomorrow, we have the MDA stream. Geek & Sundry’s doing a fantastic 24-hour charity stream. They’ve partnered with Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls and Nerdist. There’s going to be a variety: game-show, livestream, everything, benefiting the Muscular Dystrophy Association. You guys are welcome to come in at any time for as much of it as you can, check out the great programming we have set up for you guys. It starts tomorrow at 7pm. There will be no regular programming tomorrow because the crew is going to have to be setting up and preparing for this actual livestream, but starting at 7pm, it goes on for the next 24 hours. So look forward to us all being sleepless and crazy. We are going to be finishing out the charity drive Saturday evening, starting at 5pm PT here. I’m going to be running a one-shot Deadlands Savage Worlds game for a few of our cast who are going to be here for that, and I’m excited for that because it’s one of my favorite settings. It’s going to be great! The shirts are available now if you want to check them out. We have our own -

TALIESIN: Right here. Critical Role.

MATT: - charity shirts right there.

LAURA: Ooh, it’s beautiful!

TALIESIN: Lovely vibrant blue with a thing on the -

LAURA: All of it, all of it goes to the charity.

MARISHA: Yeah, 100% of the proceeds go to -

MATT: All the proceeds go to MDA.

ASHLEY: Beautiful “turquaz.”

TALIESIN: “Turquaz.”

MATT: We got that set up. Next up, we have tomorrow, we have the next issue, release would we call it, of Dear Vox Machina. However, it is not necessarily a member of Vox Machina. This is one that I put together that I think you guys should enjoy. What character could it possibly be? I guess you’ll just have to check in tomorrow to find out. But that’ll be on geekandsundry.com tomorrow, I think around noon? Maybe earlier. I’ll tweet it out. You’ll find out on Geek & Sundry’s Twitter page, but -

SAM: Is it Jarrett?

MATT: You’ll have to check it out, you’ll have to come find out, but I had a lot of fun writing it.

ASHLEY: Someone keeps forgetting to do it.

LAURA: (gasps) You haven’t done it yet?

ASHLEY: I keep forgetting. I keep forgetting to do it. And then it comes around, and then…

MATT: I got you covered. Trinket had you covered. You got five more days.

ASHLEY: All right, guys, we’ll get there.

MATT: So yeah, that’s coming up tomorrow. Check that out. We have a new Signal Boost host. Marisha, you want to take that?

MARISHA: A new host!

MATT: Yeah, what you got?

MARISHA: Stay tuned for the break to see who it is, or if you happened to watch it you already know, but stay tuned for the break for the surprise.

SAM: Best kind of surprise.

MARISHA: Best kind of surprise. That you’ve already heard about.

MATT: Yeah. And last on my end as far as announcements go, there will be no Critical Role official episode next Thursday because me and Marisha will be in Australia at the Haven Expo, so all you Aussies that want to come see us then, we’ll be out there doing panels and talks and meeting a bunch of you guys. It’ll be a lot of fun. However, while we will not be here, there will still be other members of our fantastic group here that are able to be here next week to put on whatever you decide to, that’s up to you guys.

LAURA: We’re just going to hula-hoop for three hours.

TRAVIS: It’ll be a surprise. It’s going to be great. We’re going to draw on each others’ faces with toothpaste.

LAURA: They’re going to do other things. I’m going to hula-hoop for three hours straight.

MATT: Laura’s going to hula-hoop for three hours straight. You heard it here. Hold her to it.

ASHLEY: She’s really good.

TRAVIS: Yeah, Liam’s going to hold the plank position for 2 hours.

LIAM: Oh, that’s easy.

TALIESIN: It’s the one where you lie on your back, right?

TRAVIS: Yep. Roll like a turtle.

MATT: Hashtag flat on your back.

TALIESIN: I can do that one.

MATT: The reverse plank? Yeah. So yeah, check it out on Twitter as these yahoos figure out what their content is going to be next week. I’m sure it’s going to be fantastic. We’re going to be watching it from Australia. I’m excited to see what you guys pull together. Anyway. That’s all I got. Has anyone else got something they want me to mention? Or shall we dive on in?

TRAVIS: Let’s get it! Let’s get it!

LAURA: No no no! Keep stalling!

MATT: All righty, then.

LIAM: Wait wait wait. I would like to say that I was into breaking my friends’ hearts before it was cool.

(all laugh)

MATT: Sorry about that. Without further ado, let’s go ahead and dive into this week’s episode of Critical Role.

(spooky ethereal music) (heavy breathing) (roaring) (dramatic music) (gun firing) (dramatic music) (crackling flames)

Part I
MATT: Welcome back! So. Last we left off, Vox Machina, having returned to Vasselheim, in which Vax and to a lesser extent Percy had their own encounters with the Raven Queen. Vax found seemingly some catharsis and purpose to his currently-deemed champion position with the Raven Queen. Percy discovered he’s been broken all along and left slightly slapped in the nuts. But such is the nature of your journey. But you also crafted a metal claw hand for an ally. But as you guys finish up your business in Vasselheim, you made your way back to Whitestone. While in Whitestone, you met up with some old friends, had dinner with Allura, Kima, the Realmseer, Gilmore. You guys discussed all the things that you needed to do in the future, some information had been acquired from some of the Vestiges, as well as the nature of some of the dragons of the Conclave and some discussion was had on the overall purpose of this recent incursion of dragon destruction. After which, you all went to bed. While resting, midnight, a visit from Gilmore to Vax’s room after some oil prankery was beset upon each other via Grog and Vax. Gilmore gifted a fine silk robe to Vax and requested his presence to discuss time that has passed. Upon changing into the robe, you guys made your way down the hallway, up the stairs to one of the high balconies of the west tower of Whitestone. Upon which Gilmore turned, seemingly in some serious displeasure, and stabbed you with a dagger you had not seen was there. As the pain set in, you realized perhaps this is not the Gilmore you recall, but a shapeshifting, tiger-like devil entity that you may have pissed off some time in the past.

LIAM: Is it a sports mascot? It’s a sports mascot.

MARISHA AND TALIESIN: They’re grrreat!

MATT: That’s not sports.

TRAVIS: Wow.

(all laugh)

MATT: Not that I’d know. Anyway, let’s go ahead and jump in this moment. As the rest of the party is sleeping soundly, I would like you, Vax'ildan -

SAM: I am not sleeping.

MATT: You’re not sleeping?

SAM: Remember, I said I was staying up to read my book.

MATT: To read your book, you’re right, you are totally right. Well, I’m going to have you roll initiative, if you don’t mind.

LIAM: I have a lot of interesting ideas that will go out the window depending on this roll, possibly.

TRAVIS: We’re all watching.

LIAM: I don’t like his reaction. I’m going to use luck. I have two lucks left, I’m going to use one of them. (groans) It was on 18 and went down. No, 16.

MATT: 16. All righty.

LIAM: Oh, well. It was going to be really interesting.

MATT: I can only imagine.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: Shit.

MATT: Sorry.

TRAVIS: Thug Life glasses come down, joint comes up.

MATT: I didn’t mean for it to come off that way, it just -

TRAVIS: Bu-bu-bu-bu-blam, gutshot!

(all laugh)

SAM: Play ding dong…

LIAM: It went 18, it hung like a half second… 4.

MATT: As the surprise round has faded, the Gilmore-like entity draws the blade out of your abdomen, snarls towards you, and the round begins with the initiative on the rakshasa.

MARISHA: (groans)

TRAVIS: You got this, you’re fine.

SAM: Wait, refresh us all. Is Liam - I’m sorry - is Vax naked?

MATT: No, Vax is wearing a long silk robe and his boots.

SAM: And what underneath?

MATT: And that’s it.

SAM: So, he’s naked.

LIAM: I’m wearing my boots, because it’s cold. I wouldn’t go walking barefoot.

MATT: Boots are a given. Everything else left behind.

SAM: No armor. No weapons.

LAURA: Remember, he was in his pajamas and Gilmore was like, “put this on, I made this for you.”

LIAM: Why wouldn’t any of us trust Gilmore? Or Matthew?

MATT: I’m just telling a story, yo. Speaking of stories -

SAM: But wait! The robe has like a rope tie to tie. You can use that for something!

LIAM: Shush!

MATT: You’re reading your book. So as it draws the blade back, it goes in for a claw towards the face,

LIAM: Uncanny Dodge?

MATT: Hold on to see if I hit you first.

LIAM: Oh, okay.

MATT: (chuckles) Because that is going to be a… 13 to hit. Your AC is 15.

LIAM: Misses.

MATT: The claw (whoosh). You duck underneath as it spins around with the dagger and hits you from the other side as you come up from that. That will be a 19 and does hit you.

LIAM: (funny voice) Uncanny Dodge?

MATT: You suffer 5 points of piercing damage as the dagger just barely (sssh) cuts across your face. You can feel the little line of blood begin to spill down your chin as you hear the growl under the breath again, “I will send you to a place you’ll never return from.” (growls) and is actually going to stay right there. You’re up.

LIAM: Now I can do my crazy-ass shit. So, out of instinct, the heels click together, the boots go on, the world slows down as I speed up and in that split second, in a millisecond, I think, “He’s gone to all this trouble to get me here. The door behind me could very well be locked. Also, he knows everything. He knows about Whitestone. If he leaves, he can tell the Conclave and if I run, he’s gone.” So instead… he’s right in front of me, yeah? Okay. I would like to grapple him.

MATT: Okay. All right. Go ahead and make an athletics check.

LIAM: Okay. Last luck of the day. 14. MATT: 16. You attempt to grapple and as soon as your arms reach around the rakshasa, Hotis breaks away.

LIAM: Okay. That’s action number 1. Action number 2, I’d like to grapple him.

(all laugh)

LIAM: No good.

LAURA: Well, say it, he might roll less.

LIAM: Huh? Say what?

LAURA: Isn’t it a roll against a roll?

MATT: Yes, it’s a roll against a roll.

LIAM: It’s a 7.

MATT: 17. Sorry.

LIAM: Okay, I will cast Lay on Hands on myself.

MATT: That is an action to do so.

LIAM: That’s an action? Okay, then… I’ll stay where I am.

MATT: Okay. All right.

LIAM: No, sorry! Sorry, sorry (mutters). At the top of my lungs I scream, not just in my earring but loud enough for every guard and person in the castle. I scream, “Assassins, western tower and the courtyard! Jenga!”

MATT: All right. Can I have all of you guys roll a perception check?

MARISHA: What about those of us with earrings?

LAURA: To wake us up?

SAM: I’m awake.

MATT: You’re awake. You hear it.

TRAVIS: 16.

ASHLEY: 17.

LAURA: 26.

MARISHA: 16.

TALIESIN: 15.

MATT: All right. Many of you jostle awake at the sound of the shouting into your ear. You hear a few words come through in the middle of your consciousness. You hear “tower, west, jenga.” That’s as much as you make out. The first word was enough to just shake you awake and you’re not quite sure what that word was, but you hear “west tower, jenga,” and you get the gist of that. You, however, did hear the full phrase. As you look around you, Percy, Keyleth, and Pike.

SAM: Oh, shit.

MATT: You aren’t alone in your room.

TRAVIS: (laughing gasp)

MATT: As climbing through the window, or in Percy’s -

SAM: Ninjas!

MATT: - had come in through the hallway, you see -

TALIESIN AND MARISHA: Ninjas.

MATT: - cloaked individuals, blades drawn up in the air, about to come down onto your asleep forms, as you suddenly look up and see the figure there before you -

MARISHA: Motherfucking ninjas!

MATT: - they look surprised to see you suddenly move. I need all of you guys to roll initiative to add to this initiative order.

TRAVIS: All 3 or everybody else?

LAURA: Everybody?

MATT: Everybody.

MARISHA: Oh my god. Ooh! That’s not bad.

TRAVIS: Have advantage.

TALIESIN: That’ll do.

TRAVIS: 18.

ASHLEY: 8!

TRAVIS, LAURA, AND MATT: (chuckle)

LAURA: (southern drawl) 11.

MARISHA: 17.

TALIESIN: 23.

LAURA: Nice.

SAM: Is initiative an ability check?

(all laugh)

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Then I will inspire myself on my initiative roll.

MARISHA: Yes!

MATT: You just got that ability at level 14.

SAM: Yes.

MATT: So.

SAM: So I will just say, “Come on Scanlan. Wake up! Wake up, man!”

(all laugh)

SAM: Oh, it’s a 1.

(all laugh)

SAM: No, it’s a 7. It’s a 7. That brings my initiative to 19.

MATT: 19.

(all laugh)

ASHLEY: “Come on, man!”

MATT: All righty. Well, as you all wake up, the initiative round finishes as the attempted assassins do get their round on the three of you guys. So there is the one that is up against Keyleth right now is going to make two short sword attacks on you.

MARISHA: Aw, he beat me?

MATT: Yep. Well this is - as you guys wake up, you see them there, and they’re finishing their combat round. So that’s going to be a 19 to hit.

MARISHA: Hits.

MATT: That hits. Okay. You take 9 points of piercing damage and make a constitution saving throw.

ASHLEY AND LAURA: Oh, god.

TRAVIS: Shit.

MARISHA: That can’t be good. Okay…

TALIESIN: (wordless noise of approval)

MARISHA: 20, total.

MATT: Okay. You take 12 points of poison damage.

ASHLEY: With?

MARISHA: On top of I had 9 originally?

MATT: Mm-hm.

MARISHA: Right?

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: Okay. So that’s…

MATT: The second strike is going to be another 19. Rolled 12 again. You take another 9 points of piercing damage, and I need you to make another constitution saving throw.

LAURA: This is so much worse than I thought it was.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it.

MARISHA: I rolled a natural 19, so 24.

MATT: You take another 12 points of poison damage.

SAM: How many points?

TALIESIN: Wow, that’s the good reaction, apparently.

MARISHA: Jesus, fuck. He just did 42 points of damage.

ASHLEY: What?

MARISHA: In one round. Yeah.

TRAVIS: Four-two? Four?!

MARISHA: 42!

MATT: So, the one that’s there before you, Percy, as you’re just sitting up out of your bed. That’s going to be an - oh, that’s a natural 17. 24 to hit.

TALIESIN: If I have an AC of 24, Am I fine or no? I mean an AC of 24 - never mind, it hits.

MATT: It still hits you and and this is assuming also the fact that that you guys were sleeping and not in your full armor, either.

TALIESIN: No, no that hits. No, actually - yeah, I can’t do that, can I? Fuck.

MATT: That’s 8 points of piercing damage to you.

TALIESIN: (sighing) Yeah…

MATT: I need you to make a constitution saving throw

TALIESIN: All right. Don’t be stupid. Oh, stupid. That’s a natural 1, that’s what it is.

MATT: You suffer 24 points of poison damage. As whereas you manage to shrug off the effects, Percy, you feel as the short sword strikes across your flesh the wound that’s left open in the front of your long johns suddenly begins to burn and feels like it’s singeing, white-hot fire, like an iron just out of the forge has been pressed into your chest. The second strike rolls a natural 2. It’s going to be a 9.

TALIESIN: Nope, that does not hit.

MATT: This time, you actually duck out of the bed as it slams down on the wood, cutting into the side of the bed frame, ending that guy’s round. That’s going to bring us to the one that is against you, Pike.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: So, Pike.

ASHLEY: Yes?

MATT: First strike on you. That’s going to be a 20 to hit.

ASHLEY: (chuckles) Just hits.

MATT: Though, not wearing your armor at this point in time.

LAURA: How do we know what our AC is?

ASHLEY: So what are we, then?

MATT: Your AC would be just 10 plus your dexterity modifier.

ASHLEY: So it’s 11, so that hits.

MATT: 11. Yeah. You suffer 5 points of piercing damage and I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

ASHLEY: Okay. 20?

MATT: All right, yeah. So you take 12 points of poison damage and that is going to be 10, so that misses you.

ASHLEY: Great.

MATT: Yeah. So you take an additional 12 points of poison damage from the last strike.

ASHLEY: So 5 plus 12?

MATT: Correct. 17 total, and the second strike goes to hit you and you actually reach over, grab your shield which is sitting on the table by your bed and just (ping) knock the blade nearly out of his hand but deflecting the blow. That brings us to the top of the initiative round now. You guys are all conscious. Some of you are aware of the danger you’re currently in. Percy you’re up first. What are you doing?

TALIESIN: I do keep my small pistol under my pillow.

MATT: Of course you do. (laughs) Yes, you would, Percy.

TALIESIN: I don’t have access, in theory, to the big gun, the sword, which are under the bed and that would require a thing, and I also don’t have access to any of the things I could use to reload it, but I do have four shots.

MATT: You do.

TALIESIN: Okay. Where’s my room?

MATT: Your room is right here.

TALIESIN: I don’t have a window, do I?

MATT: No, you do not have a window. Your room is on the inside

TRAVIS: What floor are we on?

MATT: You guys are on the second major floor of the castle. The west tower, as you know, is up this way. The staircase leads up and then spirals up to the west tower.

SAM: Do we know how far?

MATT: You haven’t - you’ve maybe explored there a few times. It’s between 60 to 70 feet up.

SAM: We’ve not been there, we’re not familiar with it.

MATT: Percy would be pretty familiar with it.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I would.

MATT: You guys may have gone there here and there.

TALIESIN: You’ve seen it. It’s not that big a castle, to be honest.

MARISHA: So there are windows that they came through? They came in the windows?

MATT: These two came in the windows, this one you’re not sure, may have come in through other means or through another window.

MARISHA: Who are you pointing at? Percy’s?

MATT: The one that’s in Percy’s room.

MARISHA: But we have windows.

MATT: Right.

MARISHA: That are open to the outside.

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: Is mine standing against the door?

MATT: Currently, yes.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try and shoot him through the door to see if I can blow him out of my room. With trick shot. So.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Trick shot to blow him out of the room, Let’s… Let’s… Yeah, no, I’m not adding a sharpshooter for that, fuck that. First shot. Oh god, I’m nervous. (high pitched voice) That’ll do. It’s 22.

MATT: Yeah, that’ll hit. They’re only wearing studded leather.

TALIESIN: Okay. Good enough.

MATT: And they’re caught off guard at how suddenly everyone, or at least you, were suddenly conscious. He was so quiet, he was so quiet and yet you still got there before he could stab you.

TALIESIN: Okay and that’s got an auto push, I think, or do I have to roll for push?

MATT: I believe -

TALIESIN: Strength saving throw.

MATT: Yeah. That is going to be a 5 plus 0, none. No. So. how much damage is that total?

TALIESIN: That does… sorry. I was not prepared. I thought I was going to watch a fight.

MATT: (chuckles)

TALIESIN: I was really prepared for that. That’s 11 points of piercing damage.

MATT: All right. And pushes him how far back?

TALIESIN: Once… how many squares? That’s a good question. That’s 10 feet directly away.

MATT: (thwoosh) It pushes him out through the door. You guys hear this muffled (pshew) gunshot in the distance and this slamming sound of a heavy wooden door hitting stone. Percy, as you watch, as (boof) he’s blown through the doorway, landing into the hallway on his back, and jumps back to his feet just in time with his blade still out in front of him.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take two more shots on him. The next shot is a Sharpshooter shot.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: -5 to hit. Yeah, no that’s a 13.

MATT: 13. As you aim this time and fire for a second time (pshew) he does see it coming and ducks out of the way as it just scoots under his hood, avoiding his head and leaving a hole in the fabric and then (kssh) taking a chunk out of the stone in the wall behind him.

TALIESIN: Okay, final shot is - I’m using the head shot to try and blind him for a round, so…

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: That’s no sharpshooter because that sucked. That’s better! 28 to hit.

MATT: That’ll do. Go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: He needs to roll a constitution saving throw.

MATT: He rolls a 20 total.

TALIESIN: And that’s against - I just rolled so terribly… 20. It’s a 19 DC, so unless that changes with my new intelligence?

MATT: Yeah so it doesn’t - it isn’t affected by -

TALIESIN: He just takes 7 points of damage

MATT: It was sharpshooter, wasn’t it? It’s a +10?

TALIESIN: What? No, that wasn’t sharpshooter. I just did the middle one sharpshooter.

MATT: Gotcha. Okay. 7 points piercing damage on that. (pshew) While the first hit managed to miss his face, this one does (whoosh) scrape across his chin and cracks a bit of his cheekbone, but not too much of an impact on him to actually affect his eyesight.

TALIESIN: I’m going to use my movement and bonus to grab at least some of the stuff that’s under my bed. Some of my things and start to put myself together and steady myself and I’ll start yelling bloody murder.

MATT: Okay. You guys, at this point, start hearing the distant echo of Percy’s voice screaming in the distance.

TALIESIN: Intruders! Intruders!

MATT: At the end of Percy’s turn, that now brings us back to the rakshasa, which is narrowed down. Takes the dagger and as a bonus dips it back into the sheath, pulling it out with the liquid trailing off of it. It’s going to go in and attempt to claw and strike.

ASHLEY: No…

MATT: That’s going to be a 23 with the claw.

LIAM: Yep.

MATT: You take 10 points of slashing damage.

LIAM: Where did my thing go?

LAURA: Here take it, I’m sorry.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: And then the dagger is also going to be thrust back at you as it moves this way, getting between you and the door. That strike is going to be a 21 to hit.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right. This time with the dagger. That’s going to be 4 plus… that’s going to be…

LIAM: Uncanny Dodge on it.

MATT: 7 points of piercing damage and then I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

LIAM: 20, natural 20.

LAURA: (happy grunting noise)

EVERYONE BUT MATT AND LIAM: (groans in relief)

LIAM: There was some damage, though. It was what?

MATT: An additional 7 points of poison damage. You used Uncanny Dodge on this. That all gets reduced to just 7 total.

LIAM: I did use Uncanny Dodge.

MATT: So it would’ve been 14 total. You take it down to 7.

LIAM: I lost track of what was what.

MATT: Sorry. 7 points of piercing and 7 points of poison together would be 14. Your Uncanny Dodge brings it down to 7. So you just take 7 points of damage that round.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: All right. That will end Hotis’s turn. That brings us to Scanlan.

SAM: Okay. I’ll use, I guess, some movement to gather my belongings and anything that I don’t still have on.

MATT: I mean, everything that you have would also include your armor, which you can’t really put on right now. It would take you about a minute to put it on, as it is leather armor, but you can grab everything else if you wanted to. Or you could carry your armor awkwardly with you.

SAM: I’ll just grab a couple of instruments.

MATT: Okay. (grabbing sound) You gather some things.

SAM: And go. I’ll grab the shawm and the Mythcarver.

MATT: Okay. (grabbing noises)

SAM: And if I’ve ever been up there, I’m going to try to Dimension Door to the west tower.

MATT: Okay. All righty.

SAM: I don’t know if I’m familiar enough with it, but I’ll give it a shot.

MATT: All right. You would’ve walked through the castle at some point in the past. You grab your things.

ASHLEY: I’ve been there with you.

SAM: What did we do up there?

TRAVIS: Made out.

ASHLEY: Like just so much stuff there, so we’ve totally been there.

TRAVIS: Under the moonlight.

SAM: Did you have hickies afterward, or something?

SAM AND TRAVIS: (laugh)

SAM: Oh, it worked!

MATT: At the distance it is at that point and plus the fact that you have been there before, you concentrate, you remember a few nights you walked up there to look over the grounds because it’s a beautiful view and it’s close to where you guys usually stay here in the castle. (zoopf) You come out of the Dimension Door and looking before you, you can see Gilmore holding a dagger out to one side and Vax bleeding, holding and clutching the front of his abdomen, eyes darting around wildly, trying to think of some sort of plan for survival. So that’s your action, that’s most of your movement…

SAM: That’s - I mean, that’s pretty much all I’ve got. I imagine I would be pretty confused, so -

MATT: Yeah, you’re taking in the circumstances.

SAM: I will probably just, if I have any time left, I’ll just say, “What the fuck is going on, Gilmore?” And that’s it.

MATT: The Gilmore looks over his shoulder and sneers at you. (hissing growl)

SAM: Oh, shit.

(all laugh)

MATT: Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: I spring out of my bed because I don’t sleep with any armor on, I got all me bits on me, and I grab my axe and I kick the door open!

MATT: (boof)

TRAVIS: Because I know jenga. It’s one of my favorite words. I’m like, (wordless aggressive sounds) Is there anybody in the hallway?

MATT: There’s nobody in the hallway.

LAURA: No no no. I thought the gunman was in the hallway?

MATT: Hmm?

LAURA: Percy’s gunman was in the hallway.

MATT: Grog is sleeping in this side of the hallway.

LAURA: Oh, shit!

TALIESIN: Oh.

TRAVIS: Where are the stairs?

MATT: Around that way.

TRAVIS: Fucking shit! So I start tearing down the hallway as far as me little legs can carry me.

MATT: About there if you want to take a dash.

TRAVIS: I’ll dash.

MATT: That’s your movement and your dash, your action. You get to there as you come around and see a guy in full black cloak and some bullets (tssh) flying by, shattering the stonework behind. And then you see this humanoid character holding a short sword at his side, growling. He sees you looming down the hallway and his eyes go wide for a moment, unexpected to see this giant train of a muscled entity charging down.

TRAVIS: And the dash was my bonus action right?

MATT: No, the dash is your action.

TRAVIS: So I have a bonus?

MATT: You have a bonus, yes.

TRAVIS: Can I look down and say, “Hello, muppet.” And I would like to rage.

(all laugh)

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: Golf clap.

LAURA: Golf clap.

MARISHA: Good play, good play.

TRAVIS: Polite as fuck.

MATT: Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: Okay. So this guy is by the door, yeah? Or by the window?

MATT: Mm-hm.

MARISHA: How far away from the window? Like, is his back up against the window? MATT: Like - like basically just stepped out of the window and you were immediately next to it, so the window is right to his left as he’s staring down at you with a blade in the air.

MARISHA: It’s an open window.

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: Bars on it or something?

LAURA: He came in.

MATT: It looks like the window is easy enough for somebody to slip through. It’s an open window.

MARISHA: Okay.

TALIESIN: It’s a nice neighborhood. There’s no bars on the windows.

MARISHA: I’m trying to think which way I want to go with this.

MATT: Make it quick.

MARISHA: I’m going to towards him do a Thunderwave push (boof) and try and push him out the window. Thunderwave.

MATT: So you’re going to move around him first?

MARISHA: Oh, does he have me up against the window?

MATT: You’re up against the wall. If you want to Thunderwave him, you’d have to get on the other side of him to knock him away from you.

MARISHA: And he’ll get an attack of opportunity, I’m assuming?

MATT: No, because you don’t leave his combat.

MARISHA: Oh. Okay, yeah, I’ll just shoulder around him.

MATT: You dart off the edge of the bed, catching yourself on the ground, turn around the other side and (boof). What’s the DC on that?

MARISHA: Jesus, I don’t know. I don’t do this very often.

MATT: (singsong) DC of Thunderwave. Vax, you’re up next, prepare.

MARISHA: It is a constitution saving throw.

MATT: And what’s your spell DC?

MARISHA: 19.

MATT: That is a 9 + 2, 11. That’s not enough. How much damage does he take?

MARISHA: He takes 2d8 damage and he is pushed 10 feet.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: Hopefully out the window because that’s what I was going for.

TALIESIN: It’s a small room.

MARISHA: That was cocked. 4 damage.

MATT: 4 points of thunder damage. However, (boomf) it slams him back. His feet hit the edge of the the lip of the window. He goes flipping backwards out the side. He’s going to attempt to reach out and grab it.

TRAVIS: Please fail.

MATT: That is a natural 2.

(all cheer)

MATT: (thwoop) You hear, “Nooo!”

ASHLEY: Yes!

MATT: As he’s flung out the window. You don’t even hear the landing, he’s just out of the room now.

TALIESIN: Full on Wilhelm scream.

TRAVIS: Nice. Nice job.

TALIESIN: (imitates Wilhelm scream)

LIAM: How about a Howard Dean?

MARISHA: And then I’m going to take just -

MATT: You have a few more… 15 more feet you can run, if you want to.

MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to throw open the door and just peek out the door and see what’s up.

MATT: Okay, you throw the door open. Immediately out, you see Grog standing in the hallway clutching the axe, kind of sleepy-eyed, but filled with hatred and intent to kill, while grinning in the center of the hallway.

MARISHA: And then I’m going to come over my comm and just say, “Status report, where is everybody?” And that’s it.

MATT: Okay, after Keyleth’s turn, that brings us to Vax.

LIAM: I can’t see through the corner of the wall there. Is Scanlan like 10 feet away? 5 feet away?

MATT: Scanlan is 10 feet from you.

LIAM: All right. I’m going to skirt along on his side, the rakshasa’s side, and shout out, “It’s not Gilmore, it’s a fucking demon!” at Scanlan, and then I’m going to use my first action to try to disarm kitty-cat.

MARISHA: Meow.

MATT: Okay. All right.

LIAM: What is that?

TRAVIS: Disarm him?

MATT: Go ahead and make… go ahead and make an attack roll - or no, for this one, let’s make an athletics check to try. It’s essentially a type of grapple.

LIAM: All right. Uh, 16.

MATT: 16. Okay, you reach out and manage to grab the Gilmore’s wrist, holding the dagger. His arm goes up and starts clawing these fingernails, these currently not-even-visible fingernails that all of a sudden turn into these large hooks that start tearing into your skin. Go ahead and make a strength check to see if you can wrestle the blade from his grasp.

LIAM: And this is the next action?

MATT: This would be the next action, yeah. Since you don’t have any disarm-based abilities, this is a more involved -

LIAM: 15. That’s still acrobatics, right?

MATT: No no no, this -

LIAM: What’d you say?

MATT: This is all athletics.

LIAM: This is athletics. Same thing, sorry, yeah. 15.

MATT: Yeah, 15?

LIAM: 15.

MATT: You still have the grip on him, but unfortunately his fingers are too tight on the blade and you can’t quite pull it out.

LIAM: Okay, then, for the rest of my turn, I whip my head to Scanlan, say, “Follow me down. I’m going down.” And I want to drag him off the balcony, and go with him.

MATT: Okay, you can drag him at half-speed -

LIAM: Half-speed. I’m hasted.

MATT: Hasted.

LIAM: 12 squares, full.

MATT: (fwwsh)

(all shout)

MATT: You watch, Sam, as he grabs this apparently Gilmore character, looks at you, tells you this, and then they both just hit the edge and tumble over the side of the balcony and go falling off.

LIAM: This takes two seconds to go down. I looked it up. 80 feet is two seconds.

MATT: Yep. (whoosh whoosh boomf) You hear two impacts.

SAM: But I just got here! Don’t leave!

MATT: Both you and Hotis… 36 points of damage as you both (boomf) hit the bottom, this stone surface, essentially the ceiling and the beginnings of the entire castle here on the top, both prone on the ground, dazed from the impact.

LIAM: Really hoping the guards are awake.

LAURA: Really hoping.

MATT: All righty. Ending your turn, that brings us to the assassins. So -

ASHLEY: But we didn’t -

LAURA: But we didn’t get to go. Do assassins get to go twice?

MATT: No, you guys go after them because that was how the initiative order happened.

LAURA: (biting noise)

TRAVIS: Yep.

LIAM: That was 3 points of damage.

MATT: Him yelling and waking you guys up avoided them getting an auto-crit on their first attack.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

TRAVIS: Oh, god.

MATT: So be happy that at least you woke up for the last round.

LAURA: That’s good, that’s good.

ASHLEY: I’m happy, I’m happy.

TALIESIN: Thank you, Matt.

LIAM: So happy! Happy.

MATT: Happy.

TRAVIS: Thanks, Matt.

MATT: So that’s two strikes against you, Pike, and then this one here looks over the shoulder and sees you, Grog, and is going to start darting this way… and currently is out of sight.

MARISHA: The assassin doucher?

MATT: Yep.

MATT: The one that’s attacking you, Pike -

LIAM: I assume what I said to Scanlan was heard over earring as well.

MATT: Most likely, yeah. That’ll be a 22.

ASHLEY: Well, yes.

(all laugh)

MATT: You take 7 points of piercing damage, and roll another constitution saving throw.

ASHLEY: 7 points?

MATT: Yep.

ASHLEY: Okay. That’s fine. 7 points.

MATT: And roll a constitution saving throw when you can. The second strike, this time, you slam his hand with the shield and you can see he actually drops the blade and has to rush over to pick it up.

ASHLEY: 13?

MATT: 13. You suffer 24 points of poison damage as the first strike this time cuts you right across the clavicle and down to the front of your chest, and it’s just, that sharp burning pain for a second and as you knock the other hit away, all of a sudden you feel the (oomf oomf). Your ears fill with bright, burning-hot warmth and all of sudden the pain from your wound begins to pulse with every heartbeat as the poison hits your system.

ASHLEY: Nice. Okay.

MATT: And he’s going to move this way to start getting between you and the doorway. That’s going to end their turns. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Okay. I’m going to get up, I’m going to yell at Trinket to run out the door, and I’m going to grab my arrows and my quiver and my broom.

MATT: Trinket’s going into a full - we’ll say he can do a full dash.

LAURA: Can he get to the guy?

MATT: He’s gotten that far up the hallway. He doesn’t see anybody yet. You grab your stuff. All right. That’ll be an action to get all of your things together.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Your quiver, your arrows…

LAURA: The broom.

MATT: The broom.

LAURA: And I take off running to the west tower. So we don’t see the guy outside of Percy’s room?

MATT: Nope. That’s as far as you get, there. Cool. That ends Vex’s turn. Pike, you’re up.

ASHLEY: Okay. So, I’m going to take out my hand, and I’m going to Guiding Bolt him.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Take out your hand?

TRAVIS: I’m going to take out my hand!

ASHLEY: My trusty old hand.

MATT: The wound across your chest with the pulsing poison, suddenly the area that was once dark begins to light up as the holy symbol that forever hangs around your neck begins to glow with vibrant divine energy, this whitish-yellow pulse of light. The assassin, standing there grinning, seeing that he’s getting the upper hand, all of a sudden realizes that you aren’t as disarmed as he thought you were. Go ahead and roll for the attack on this.

TRAVIS: Smoke him!

ASHLEY: 28.

MATT: That’ll hit. Go ahead and roll damage on that. What level were you casting it at?

ASHLEY: I’m going to do it at 4.

MATT: Usually you decide that before you roll the attack, but yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TRAVIS: Puddins, Pike.

ASHLEY: I was going to. That’s what I was going to do.

MATT: I assumed you were. That’s fine.

ASHLEY: But I didn’t tell you that. How many do I roll? Hold on, hold on, hold on.

MATT: Let me look it up for you. Guiding Bolt is 4d6 -

ASHLEY: 7, right?

MATT: - and then it would be an additional 3d6 for 7d6 radiant damage against him.

ASHLEY: Yeah, 7, okay. Okay, so.

TRAVIS: Yep, 8.

ASHLEY: 8.

TRAVIS: 11, 19.

TRAVIS: 7, 26.

LAURA: One more.

ASHLEY: What was it?

TRAVIS: 27.

ASHLEY: 27 points.

MATT: 27 points, nice. You see his eyes widen as suddenly you blast him in the face with this Guiding Bolt. The impact just (boof) bursting across him, leaving this trail of divine fire that’s burning around the seams of his leather armor. He’s trying to pat it out, but it won’t go out. While it’s not burning him, it’s lighting him up like a Christmas tree, and Grog, you see - from underneath Pike’s door, you see a little bit of a bright divine glow flash out from under the door and you hear a couple thumps against the wood from inside the room.

TRAVIS: And that’s her, the one to the right of me?

LAURA: Yeah, which ones are everybody’s rooms?

MATT: This is Vex’s room, Keyleth’s, Pike’s, Percy -

SAM: The one that smells like patchouli is mine.

MATT: Yeah. Scanlan’s and Grog’s and Vax’s were over here.

LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: So can I move out of the room?

MATT: You can try to, yeah.

ASHLEY: I grabbed all my stuff and then I’m going to make my way out.

MATT: Okay, all your stuff would be - You have your shield already that you pulled off the side. You can grab maybe one weapon and go. You’re not going to get armor, though.

ASHLEY: I’ll grab my mace.

MATT: So you grab your mace, all right.

LIAM: You’re in a slip or nothing, so.

ASHLEY: I sleep naked.

TRAVIS: Thatta girl!

SAM: So you’re naked with a shield and a mace.

TRAVIS: That’s a bad bitch.

LAURA: Hell yeah, she is.

LIAM: Monster!

MATT: Shield, mace, holy symbol -

ASHLEY: Do I have my gauntlets on or no?

MATT: Nothing else. Yeah, your gauntlets are on.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: We’ll say the gauntlets were there, you slip them on real fast. As he’s pulled back and trying to pat out the flames, you grab your things and rush through. He does get an attack of opportunity on you as you run out of his combat range, so he’s going to swing at you. That is going to be a 16.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: That does hit. With your shield, what’s your AC? It would be 11-13, so yeah, it still hits. So you take 5 points of piercing damage. I need you to roll another constitution saving throw.

SAM: Man. Pikey.

ASHLEY: That is a 5?

MATT: You take another 24 of poison damage.

SAM: Oh my gosh, she going to die.

LAURA: Oh, no!

ASHLEY: No no no, I don’t think I’m uncon - wait, 24 points? I got one hit point left.

SAM: How did that happen so fast?

LAURA: She took 24 twice!

TRAVIS: Poison sucks.

MATT: Assassins, man.

SAM: What are these assassins?

MARISHA: Bullshit.

LIAM: Heal and run, heal and run, heal and run.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Does she burst out in the hallway naked with a mace and a shield?

MATT: Naked with a mace and shield, glowing holy symbol, and just gash across her chest, blood pouring from the wound.

LAURA: Oh, Pike!

MATT: Sweat on her brow, one eye’s half-closed. She’s barely standing.

SAM: And weirdly hairy shoulders.

(all laugh)

LIAM: That’s why I never take the armor off, guys.

MARISHA: No!

ASHLEY: And hairy chest. Just full hairy chest.

MATT: Ending Pike’s turn.

SAM: Oh, god. I never knew.

MATT: Percy, you’re up.

LIAM: Still love me, Scanlan?

TALIESIN: I’m going to run out of my - I’m grabbing just the basics. Gloves and the gunbelt and my gun stuff. No armor.

SAM: Gun stuff.

TALIESIN: No amulet. Running out in the front, what do I -

MATT: Amulet, you would probably - you don’t need to take that off to sleep, so I’ll let you have that.

TALIESIN: Okay, so fine, I’ll just have that. All right, so no armor, so.

TALIESIN: Which direction is the west?

MATT: This way.

TALIESIN: It’s this way, and do I see any, I don’t see what -

MATT: You don’t see anyone, you just see Pike burst out of her room suddenly, bloodied.

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to run past her room towards the west, and do I have a view right there?

MATT: You now have a view of a guy beaming with divine light, trying to pat out divine flames after swinging and getting a nice heavy wound on Pike, who looks like she’s barely standing.

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to take a couple -

LIAM: Fuck him up. Fuck him up.

TRAVIS: If he takes care of you, though…

TALIESIN: I get one foot, stop, turn around. I draw my sword and I’m just going to go stabby on the bastard because I haven’t reloaded my gun yet.

TRAVIS: That was in Pike’s room?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Good, okay.

TALIESIN: I can get there.

MATT: This is the end of your movement.

TALIESIN: Oh, right there? Okay. Then fine, I’ll just unload the gun. That’ll be fun.

MATT: So you have a fourth shot.

TALIESIN: I have a fourth shot and then another one, yeah.

MATT: Okay. Regular shot?

TALIESIN: No, sharpshooter.

MATT: Sharpshooter, okay. You have advantage on this shot, by the way, because of the Guiding Bolt that she did to him.

SAM: Ooh!

TALIESIN: Oh, I do?

MATT: Yeah, because the divine fire that’s surrounding him is lighting him up like a giant birthday candle.

TALIESIN: All right, that’ll be 28 to hit.

MATT: That’ll hit. Go ahead and roll damage on that one.

SAM: Hashtag gun stuff.

LIAM: Quentin Tarantino joined.

TALIESIN: 22 points of damage.

LIAM AND MARISHA: Gun stuff.

MATT: (gunshot sound) The Guiding Bolt flares off. The impact hits him and sends him on his back foot. He looks over and sees the smoke pouring out of the barrel as you’re aiming down for another shot. You reload real fast.

TALIESIN: Taking another shot at him.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Advantage?

MATT: No, that was just the first one.

TALIESIN: That’s okay, I still rolled really great.

(all laugh)

ASHLEY: That’s okay, I still rolled well.

TALIESIN: I was hoping for a critical, but whatever.

LAURA: Yeah, I’m not going to need it.

ASHLEY: Fucking nailed it.

MATT: Just wanted to check.

TALIESIN: 25 to hit.

MATT: The dungeon master will remember this. No, it’s fine. So go ahead and roll damage. Sharpshooter as well?

TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was… 24 points of damage.

MATT: 24 points of damage… (gunshot) The second shot. You reload, fire again. This time this one hits him right square in what looks like the side of his jaw, shattered his cheekbone and his jaw and there’s now blood and teeth pouring out and he’s clutching the side of it, shaking his head. He’s in a really bad place right now and is looking over the back window, realizing he’s probably going to -

TALIESIN: Fuck it, let’s burn an Action Surge. This’ll be funny.

LAURA: Percy tastes blood.

TALIESIN: That’s, 16, 17, 18, 19… 25?

MATT: That hits.

ASHLEY: Get him!

TALIESIN: That’s 19 points of damage?

MATT: With that, as he’s turning around, about to dart towards the window, as he spins around in his space, you take aim a second, or now a third time on him, fire… You watch. It’s obscured to see; all you see is the moonlight from the outside sky coming through and the silhouette of his head, and now the missing silhouette of his head - as you scatter the top half of his skull across the stone surrounding the window in Pike’s room.

ASHLEY: Thanks, Percy.

TALIESIN: I reload.

ASHLEY: I had him, but thanks.

TALIESIN: I drop a health potion and then steady to take care of that and reload my guns with the rest of my turn.

MATT: Okay. Good to know. All right. Ending Percy’s turn, you’re currently on the ground now, you’re both prone. Hotis stands up, using half of his movement, looks down at you, “You’re clever.” Which, for the record, the illusion has faded. The Gilmore visage is no more. Now you see before you the angry, curled bare-teeth face of the familiar rakshasa. “The feeling’s mutual.” As you are currently prone on the ground, it has advantage on you. It’s going to go ahead and… make two strikes with the dagger against you. With advantage, yeah, that’ll be 25?

LIAM: He didn’t redip, though. I don’t remember you saying he redipped, right? He used his poison last time and I made the save?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Right? Okay. So that hits. Uncanny Dodge?

MATT: Right. So the first one hits. You take… 10 points of piercing damage. No poison.

ASHLEY: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Sorry, I’m nervously playing with it.

LIAM: Sorry. One more time?

MATT: 10 points of piercing damage.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: He’s going to dip the blade, remembering that he forgot that after the first strike. Then with the second strike he’s going to stab down once more.

LIAM: That’s just a bonus to do that?

MATT: Yeah. That’s going to be a 21. You suffer 11 points of piercing damage. Plus 10 points of poison damage.

LAURA: No more!

LIAM: I’m unconscious.

MATT: Unconscious. So as you get up, he just stabs and stabs again, and this time as your finger’s extended the pain hits you and you just watch your vision fade to darkness.

LAURA: No.

MATT: That’s the end of his turn. He has no more attacks, so he just watches you go limp.

LIAM: For my turn, I’ll be dead.

LAURA: No.

MATT: All right. Well, Scanlan, you’re up first.

SAM: I go to the ledge and look over.

MATT: Yeah, you look over the ledge, down about 70 feet, 80 feet on the stonework, you see and watch as the rakshasa, now fully visible, Gilmore visage gone, jams the blade twice into the currently laid-out back of Vax, as Vax’s body goes limp, unconscious. Drawing the blade, chuckling, throwing it up in the air, catching it, and is preparing to go down for some finishing blows.

SAM: Okay, shit. My stuff doesn’t go that far, does it? Any of my vocal spells, only goes 60 -

MATT: Only about 60 feet, yeah.

SAM: Yeah, fuck. All right. Well then, for my action-slash-attack, I, overcome with fury seeing my friend on the ground, pull out Mythcarver and just fucking jump and plunge.

LAURA: Oh my god!

TALIESIN: Yes!

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Yes yes yes.

MATT: So you leap, (shhh) -

SAM: And I have advantage because I’ve inspired myself.

(all laugh)

MATT: I’ll say for the purposes of this action, you will have advantage on the strike, as -

SAM: But I’m also exhausted.

MATT: Right, but that doesn’t affect your actual attack roll. That’s more your ability check. Actually, you should have had disadvantage earlier for that.

SAM: I rolled twice for that.

MATT: Oh, you did? Okay, good. So as you come down, quiet. Currently overcome with the now possibility of vengeance before it, the rakshasa does not seem to notice you as you fall off silently, blade down, (whoosh) wind rushing past your face, the tunnel-vision before you as you can see this whole scene play out before you. The blade comes down, slamming. Go ahead and roll with advantage your attack against the rakshasa.

SAM: 14. 15. Plus I don’t know what! I don’t do these things!

TRAVIS: I’ve never hit!

SAM: Strength? Is that strength?

MATT: It should be written on your attack. It would be your proficiency bonus plus your -

SAM: Oh, it’s +8.

MATT: Yeah, so.

SAM: That’s a 23.

TALIESIN: 23.

MATT: 23 definitely hits.

TRAVIS: Nice.

SAM: Okay.

ASHLEY: Nicely done!

SAM: I don’t know what to do now. I roll a d8?

MATT: Go ahead and roll your d8 plus damage.

SAM: Okay. 8 + 3, so that’s 11. Plus 1d6 force damage. 6! Holy shit!

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: This is happening. This is happening.

SAM: So that’s 11, that’s 17. Right?

MATT: 17?

SAM: Okay.

MATT: I’m adding to that attack half of the damage you take from the fall. Because of the force of yourself and the blade. So the damage you take from the fall…

TRAVIS: I don’t know what that expression was.

LAURA: Yeah, I know, is that good or bad? Both?

TALIESIN: It’s either a lot or a little.

MATT: 29 points of damage you suffer, slamming into the ground and falling prone from the attack. But he does suffer an additional 14 points of damage as the blade (sssh) just sinks into the shoulder and the torso and he tenses in pain as the blade is still jammed into his form. You let go of it as you slam into the ground and he draws it out with a spurt of blood and throws it to the ground angrily, spinning around towards you, still holding the dagger aloft, looking over. SAM: Do I still get my bonus action?

MATT: You do, technically, yeah.

SAM: Okay, so I, on the ground, turn over to Vax and I’ll bonus Healing Word him.

LAURA: Oh, thank god.

SAM: And I will sing with whatever wind I have left in my body, “(singing) Vax’ildan, you’re going to put up a good fight, Vax’ildan, I need you to put up a good fight. Put up a good fight! Put up a good fight!”

TRAVIS: (laughing) Is that “Roxanne?”

SAM: That’s “Roxanne.”

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: I couldn’t even join in because it was so good.

LIAM: So in love with you right now. So in love with you.

SAM: 4! I’m rolling great! Plus 5. So you have 9 hit points!

MATT: So you come back to consciousness face-down on the ground, scattered out on the stonework and the last thing, as your eyes come open, you hear the gentle tunes of Scanlan’s voice calling you back from the darkness. You glance out the corner of your eye and see that Hotis is still standing with the dagger up on top.

LIAM: It was just my turn in the initiative. Can I go?

MATT: No, your turn’s not yet. We have Grog, Keyleth, and then you. They actually got initiative higher than you, so.

LIAM: Oh, okay, okay.

MATT: We’re coming to you, don’t worry. So your turn hasn’t happened yet.

LIAM: Okay. I totally - I trust in you, Matt.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: And fear you.

MATT: Good. All right, that brings us to… Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: So I heard him say, “I’m going down,” right? We all heard him say he’s going down as he was falling?

MATT: Roll an intelligence check.

SAM: Oh, boy.

TRAVIS: This’ll be great. Ah! 18 minus…

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: Minus 2. 16.

MATT: 16. It takes you a moment, and you have to bite your tongue for a moment as you’re running down the hallway, but you ascertain that probably means… It’s a tower, probably jumped off the tower!

TRAVIS: Yeah, probably. I look out and I say, “Oh, Pike, you’re in your birthday suit! Are you all right?”

ASHLEY: Yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.

SAM: She’s bleeding all over.

ASHLEY: Wait, did I take - I took a potion on the -

MATT: Well, he had the potion on the ground.

TALIESIN: I threw you a minor. It’s not much.

ASHLEY: I’m going to be fine, I’m going to be fine.

TRAVIS: Okay. Is there a window in the hallway? My question is, is the courtyard through those windows?

MATT: The courtyard would be over here, actually.

TRAVIS: Right. Is there -

MARISHA: In relation to where we are?

MATT: This is no longer really part of the deal, so in relation to where you guys are, they’re about here.

TRAVIS: Do all of the rooms have windows, or is there a window in the hallway?

MATT: All of the rooms that have windows are the ones on that side, so currently the only way to get here would be to travel back where you came from and find an exit out to the top of the -

TRAVIS: Fucking ass.

MARISHA: I was going to try and handle that.

TALIESIN: Do those stairs go to the west tower, by the way?

MATT: These stairs go to the west tower, yes.

TALIESIN: Cool, just checking.

TRAVIS: Can I hold my… turn until Keyleth goes?

MATT: All right. You can still move, though, if you want to.

TRAVIS: I will - where are you?

MARISHA: I’m right behind you. In the room, in the door behind you.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but I can go back in.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: I should just stay there if you’re going to make a door.

MARISHA: Hey, Grog!

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: You want to jump from really high?

TRAVIS: Yeah. I just want out.

MARISHA: All right.

TRAVIS: So I’ll hold until Keyleth goes, and I won’t move. I’ll stay there, because she’s right beside -

MATT: What action are you holding?

TRAVIS: I will hold my… movement.

MATT: Well, no, I mean, the movement gets used in your turn regardless. You just choose what action you want to hold as a trigger, so if something’s going to happen, you would then use whatever your action is. Your movement you have to use now, or it’s lost.

TRAVIS: I have to choose what she’s going to do? I’m so confused.

LAURA: Well, you won’t be able to move once she goes. You won’t be able to do an action because you’re trapping yourself.

TALIESIN: It’s like, “I’m holding everything until she makes a door.”

MATT: Your impulse hit now and if you decide not to move, then the impulse loses the movement, so.

TRAVIS: I don’t know. I don’t know what to say, I -

SAM: Yeah, you can’t really do anything.

TRAVIS: Yeah. I don’t move.

MARISHA: He’s just holding his action -

TRAVIS: I decide to stand still.

SAM: Yeah, but just to get through this portal, he’s going to have to move. It’s a whole other turn.

TRAVIS: Otherwise, I’m running down a hallway for no reason. I just don’t move. I just stand there dumbfounded that Pike is naked and cut to shit. MATT: Okay. That ends Grog’s turn. You’re up.

MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to reach over, put on my circlet in my nightgown.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And I’m going to step out, look left and right. Okay. And then, going off what Grog was saying, I’m going to walk behind Grog and I’m going to do Stone Shape. I’m going to blast a door into that wall, blast a giant hole. Yeah.

MATT: All right. (boof) As you tear this wall open there -

MARISHA: Yeah, dude. Yeah.

LAURA: Awesome.

MATT: - it opens up before you and you can see a little bit of it gets pushed to the side, because it’s a little bit elevated from the the roof area, but you force it upward to where it bursts open and creates a slight ramp that leads up to what would be the roof of this part of Whitestone Castle.

MARISHA: Okay. Cool. And then I’ll - Can I see Pike from where I am?

MATT: You can, yes.

MARISHA: I’m going to look at her and give her a Healing Word, just a level 1 Healing Word.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: You are going to heal -

ASHLEY: Thanks, pal.

MARISHA: Oh, it’s not great. Sorry. So 7 points.

ASHLEY: I’ll take it.

MATT: All right. You still have a little bit of movement if you want to use it.

MARISHA: I’ll step back a little bit out of Grog’s way.

MATT: Okay. There you go.

MARISHA: Not that, back towards you.

MATT: Okay, got you. So it’d be there, probably, far as you can get.

MARISHA: Sure, yeah. So he can get by.

MATT: All right, cool. That brings us to Vax. Your turn.

MARISHA: Oh, Grog.

TRAVIS: No, but I can’t do anything.

MARISHA: You can’t do anything? Oh, I thought he held -

MATT: You didn’t say you were holding an action for anything.

TRAVIS: I wanted to move through the door once she made it.

MATT: I’ll let you do it. You’re generally not supposed to do -

TRAVIS: What do I say, I hold a dash? Or a hold a movement?

MATT: Say you hold a dash. You could do that, yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay. I would like to hold a dash.

MATT: Okay. So yeah, then you just go ahead and -

TRAVIS: We’re still learning.

TALIESIN: You can hold a dash for Keyleth’s turn.

TALIESIN AND TRAVIS: Hold a dash for Keyleth’s turn.

TALIESIN: And then she moves and then you go.

TRAVIS: I didn’t do my homework.

MATT: So as Keyleth opens the window, you dash up and rush onto the rooftop, and there you can see across the way…

MARISHA: I give him a good-game smack on the ass as he runs by.

SAM: Naked ass.

LAURA: He’s got his normal clothes on.

LIAM: Always naked.

TALIESIN: He’s naked.

LAURA: We’re all naked.

TRAVIS: Well, I only sleep naked in the lady-favors house.

LIAM: Question. Grabbing a weapon off the ground, that’s a freebie, right? Is that a bonus action? I feel like that’s - I think that’s free?

MATT: As part of an action, you can pick it -

LIAM: Part of an action? All right, great. I’m going to thank the Raven Queen for my family and cast Lay on Hands on myself, take back 5 hit points. I see Mythcarver on the ground. I’m going to grab it and use my movement to stand, and I also noticed that we’re flanking Hotis, so I’m going to sneak-attack the motherfucker up the back.

MATT: All right. Just as a note, the way that the bonus attack works - well, this is with your haste ability.

LIAM: Yeah, I’m hasted. The bonus action was - Oh, no, the action, right. The action was the spell.

MATT: The haste would’ve faded once you went unconscious.

LIAM: Oh, okay. That’s okay. I have one action still.

MATT: Well, you have an action, and then you have your offhand strike. Offhand strike works as part of the attack action. If you use your action for anything else, you don’t get the bonus attack.

MARISHA: So is picking something up not a free action? I thought picking up a weapon was a free action.

MATT: It’s part of an action. Don’t worry about it. It’s fine, let’s do it.

LIAM: I didn’t even - no no no, do it the real way, man. I don’t want any mulligans.

MATT: No, the idea would be, you don’t get a free bonus attack with any other action. It’s whatever you’re attacking, you then get to throw this in this way.

LIAM: Well, let me ask you this because if I understood that I wouldn’t have cast the spell, so I’m happy to skip the spell and then cut the -

MATT: Okay, that’s fine. We’ll do that. As part of the action economy, the idea is that because you’re attacking with one, you can give yourself an opening to get a quick strike with the other.

LIAM: So it has to go with another attack. Now I understand. So if I had understood - thank you, thank you. I’ll take that mulligan for understanding. So now I’m going to stab him with Mythcarver through the back. Flanked.

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: And flanked is at advantage, yeah?

MATT: No.

LIAM: An ally nearby, was it not?

MATT: Technically, he’s not flanked because the other ally is prone and is not currently threatening his face -

LIAM: All right, that misses, then.

MARISHA: Fucking fuck.

LIAM: So I’ve used an action but not the bonus action, so I’m going to disengage.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And I’m going to dart back, as far away from him as I can get.

ASHLEY, LAURA, AND TALIESIN: (silly voices) D&D!

LIAM: 12 speed - the boots are off. 6, got it. Yeah, got it.

MATT: All right, there you go. That brings us to… At this point, waiting around this way. As you guys are all distracted at this point, turns around, takes a dagger.

MARISHA: Who?

LAURA: There’s another guy?

MARISHA: Where did he come from?

TALIESIN: That’s the one that ran that way. He’s mine.

MARISHA: That yours? The little shit.

LIAM: By the way, the Whitestone guards are shit.

MARISHA: Yeah, no shit.

LAURA: This is all happening so fast!

LIAM: Don’t they stand on the wall? Don’t they stand on places?

SAM: It’s movie night. They’re all watching The Sound of Music in the rec room.

TRAVIS: Vasselheim, yeah, they’re on the lax.

LIAM: Whitestone, Whitestone.

TRAVIS: I mean Whitestone.

MATT: This is all, like, 3 a.m. at Whitestone Castle right now. That being the case, the guard makes two dagger attacks. One at you, Percy, and one at you, Pike. That’s natural 20 against you, Percy.

TALIESIN: Natural 20 against me?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it. Where’s my goddamn - ah, shit.

SAM: What do you need? What? What’s wrong?

MATT: No, it’s okay. He rolled a 1. So you take 6 points of piercing damage.

TALIESIN: I was going to try and grab it. I’m just trying to find my - my dagger seems to have vanished. Yeah, I can’t find my dagger for some reason. My gloves.

MATT: That would be 18 against you, Pike? That does hit you.

ASHLEY: Does hit.

MATT: You take 4 points of piercing damage.

ASHLEY: Okay okay okay okay okay.

TRAVIS: Okay okay okay.

TALIESIN: I think the snare glove is 1d8.

MATT: 1d10, actually.

TALIESIN: 1d10. That’s even better.

MATT: Because he hit you first -

ASHLEY: I’m still alive.

MATT: - it’s sneak attack on top of that. He was hidden. So that was 6, plus… 34 points of piercing damage, all together.

TALIESIN: Dropped to 23.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Yeah. so. That’s right.

MARISHA: Yeah, don’t do that.

TALIESIN: No, I’m not thinking. There we go.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: That finishes their turn. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Me?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Okay, the wall just opened up, so I’m going to shout for Trinket to run after the assassin throwing the knives.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And I’m going to run out the doorway. If I go up on my broom, will I be able to see them down in the courtyard?

MATT: From this perspective? No.

LAURA: I mean, if I run out the door - right, right.

MATT: If you run out the door… is this all on the broom?

LAURA: Well, if I’m in the air, can I see down at…

MATT: You’d be able to from -

MARISHA: Jazz hands?

TALIESIN: (singing) You’ll be swell.

TALIESIN, ASHLEY, AND LAURA: (singing) You’ll be great.

TRAVIS: (singing) You’ve got the world on…

TRAVIS AND ASHLEY: (singing) a plate.

MATT: Yeah, so from up there as you (shhh) shoot out above, looking down, you can see where they lie on the battlefield there.

LAURA: I want to shoot the rakshasa!

(all laugh)

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: Yes! I’m going to use my Longbow of the Sky Sentinel.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: You were born for this stuff.

ASHLEY: I want to shoot the rakshasa!

LAURA: Okay. I make an attack roll for three arrows. Okay, that’s a good one. That is 31.

MATT: 31? Hits.

LAURA: Yes. As the first hit. 19 is the second?

MATT: That does hit.

TRAVIS: Nice.

LAURA: And 22 is the third.

MATT: Okay. Just as a note, what’s your alignment?

LAURA: No, I’m neutral. Chaotic neutral.

MATT: Okay, cool, just checking. All right, so go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Why?!

ASHLEY: What does that mean?

LIAM: I know what it means.

SAM: I don’t know what it means.

TRAVIS: You do know what it means?

LIAM: I do.

LAURA: Does that mean I do not as good damage to him or something?

LIAM: Sort of.

LAURA: God darn it. Okay, wait.

TRAVIS: That fucking smirk.

LIAM: Sort of.

LAURA: Hold on. I’m just going to roll the first attack, because I’m stupid. Great. 12 for the first because I forgot to Hunter’s Mark him because I’m a genius because I’m just so worked up because my brother’s in trouble.

TRAVIS: As per uzh.

LAURA: Gosh darn it.

LIAM: This shit ain’t my fault.

MATT: As a note, your rage would have faded because you had gotten no damage, but you also could have used your bonus action last turn for your rage.

TRAVIS: Which I totally whispered, but just not loud enough.

MATT: That’s what I figured.

SAM: We’re on point today.

TRAVIS: You are omnipotent, my man.

LAURA: 9 for the second attack.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Oh, I haven’t been adding for the bracers. Add 4 extra to what I told you.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: 18 for the last.

MATT: Nice.

LAURA: No, 20 for the last. I’m sorry, Matt. I’m freaking out.

LIAM: So cruel, so cruel, so cruel.

MATT: You rush up in the air, and these were with disadvantage on all the attack rolls because you’re on your broom?

TALIESIN: I swear I’ll finish it eventually. I swear, I swear.

MATT: Roll three more dice and we’ll see if I negate any of these. First one is?

LIAM: (laughs) 1.

MATT: First attack, nope, and I need you to roll a dexterity check.

LAURA: Natural 20.

SAM: Whoa!

MATT: Okay, so you stay on the broom, you don’t fall off.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: She’s surfing on the broom.

LIAM: No pressure.

MATT: Roll -

LAURA: The second one I already rolled. It’s a 25 for the second.

MATT: Okay. Roll again for the third one.

LAURA: (fake-cries) What is that? 20.

ASHLEY: 21.

LAURA: 21 for the last.

MATT: Okay, so the last two still hit.

LAURA: Okay, do I have to roll… oh no, do I have to roll again for -

TRAVIS: No, you stayed on.

MATT: No, you stayed on. You’re fine. Essentially, as you rushed up, you saw him, you took aim, but you almost fell off the side. The first arrow goes far. The other two that split off do manage to make their hit, but the first one does streak off into the sky. You right yourself back up on the broom, but that’s the end of your turn.

LAURA: Wait, I get another attack.

MATT: You do, because that was the first one.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll.

LAURA: My second one - can I use my bonus action? Sorry.

MATT: No.

LAURA: Not in between my two attacks?

MATT: What are you going to use it for?

LAURA: Hunter’s Mark!

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: It’s really just a stink-eye.

ASHLEY: I want to shoot the rakshasa!

MATT: You watch as your mark… has no effect.

TRAVIS: It has no effect?

LAURA: Oh, that’s right. He’s a rakshasa. He’s an asshole.

TRAVIS: Why does it have no effect? Tigers resist Hunter’s Mark?

LAURA: I don’t know why.

MATT: You’ve never actually fought one before, Laura.

LAURA: No, I don’t know why, but -

ASHLEY: Tiger’s resistance?

LAURA: - he didn’t seem to be affected.

ASHLEY: Tiger bomb?

TALIESIN: It’s the eye of the tiger.

MARISHA: Tiger bomb.

MATT: You try and focus your intent on attacking him and yet it doesn’t seem to find its form.

LAURA: 19 for the last, with disadvantage.

MATT: That does hit. Roll the last attack.

LAURA: Okay. Okay okay okay.

LIAM: Okay okay okay.

MATT: Pike, you’re up next.

LAURA: Oh, no, I don’t get any additional -

MATT: Nope.

LAURA: - so that’s just 14.

TRAVIS: Why don’t you get any additional?

LAURA: Because I don’t get any storm damage.

MATT: So you pull -

LAURA: Oh, but -

MATT: B-b-b!

LAURA: No, I didn’t say that was true. I didn’t say that was through the flaming bowstring, did I? Because I was so distracted by the Hunter’s Mark.

MATT: All right. That finishes your turn. Pike, you’re up.

ASHLEY: Okay, so I’m going to cast Cure Wounds on myself.

MATT: Go for it.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: What level?

ASHLEY: 5.

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: (laughs) 5th. Go for it. So 5d8.

ASHLEY AND TRAVIS: (count quietly)

SAM: 5d8?

MATT: Yeah, 5d8 + 5.

TRAVIS: 21.

ASHLEY: That’s the last one?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay, 21 points.

MATT: You heal yourself 21 points.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: What else you doing now?

MATT: You see Trinket run around the corner and is now currently in the face of the assassin that just threw a blade at you. And the rest of the party’s running through this hole.

ASHLEY: How close can I get to the hole?

MATT: You can get about there.

ASHLEY: Okay. So I’m going to go to there.

MATT: Okay, so you run around to that area there.

ASHLEY: And then I’m going to create a Spiritual Weapon.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Can I send it down to the rakshasa?

MATT: You don’t know where the rakshasa is.

ASHLEY: I don’t know where the rakshasa is.

MATT: You have no idea, no visual cue. You just see a hole in the stone wall that everyone’s rushing through and that’s the most that you know.

ASHLEY: Okay, so you know what? Can I nix that?

MATT: Yep, you can do that.

ASHLEY: I’m going to cast Shield of Faith on myself.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: So that will bring me up to - because I’m 13 right now with the shield?

MATT: Yes, that’ll bring you to 15. So you have that on your concentration. Good call. Percy, you’re up.

TALIESIN: Can I see that jerk who just threw the knife at me?

MATT: No, he ducked around the corner and Trinket gave chase.

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to roll towards that corner as well.

MATT: This corner?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m going that way.

MATT: Come around the corner that way and you see Trinket harrying the guy.

LIAM: Run, Steve Martin, run.

TALIESIN: (laughs) I’m taking some shots at him.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Sharpshooter.

LAURA: Trinket instinctually ducks.

TALIESIN: I will not hit Trinket. 24?

MATT: Hits.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that’ll do it. 25 points of damage.

MATT: Hoo.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: (gunshot) Giant blast as one of his shoulders is blown back. You see a spatter of blood across the stairs behind him and he almost stumbles back into the stairs. Trinket’s using this position to move even closer and snarl. He’s feeling closed off.

TALIESIN: Taking another shot.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Sharpshooter. That’s 19?

MATT: Hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: Hee! 24.

ASHLEY: Dang.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: Another shot.

LIAM: Consistent.

MATT: (tssh) This one actually hits him right above the pectoral muscle and blows him back, now almost leaning against the stairs, these two big wounds right in the middle of his chest.

SAM: I think you’ll probably have mercy on him, right?

TALIESIN: Yeah, no, I’m actually going to hire him. He’s been great.

MARISHA: Could be an intern.

TALIESIN: (laughs) I can’t count when you do that. 24.

MATT: 24?

TALIESIN: 24.

MATT: All right, that hits.

TALIESIN: Come on. 18.

SAM: Jesus.

MARISHA: Kill him. Kill him.

TALIESIN: 6 + 10. But I get a -5 to my attack.

MATT: Yeah, with this one, as you pull back, final shot, you fire and it (fwoomp), right through the forehead. Eyes roll back as Trinket lunges and tears the throat out.

TALIESIN: I keep running by them right up the hill.

LAURA: Midnight snack!

LIAM: Take it, DiCaprio!

MATT: That’s as far as you make it, full movement.

LAURA: He does the paw thing.

ASHLEY: Wait, are all the assassins gone now?

MATT: You only saw two.

ASHLEY: And you just killed one.

TALIESIN: Mine’s dead and yours is dead.

ASHLEY: Or two. Okay.

TALIESIN: We don’t know about any others.

TRAVIS: He smoked both of them, yeah.

MATT: All right. That ends your turn, Percy.

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Trinket’s the best at killing dead guys.

LAURA: He is so good at it.

MATT: Everyone rushes in, the rakshasa glares around.

LAURA: No!

MARISHA: Oh, this motherfucker.

ASHLEY: Don’t you leave!

LIAM: He’s going for spells!

TRAVIS: We’re still on the roof. It’s just Scanlan and Vax down there. He’s not intimidated yet.

LAURA: I shot him, though.

TRAVIS: He doesn’t see us.

MARISHA: I hope he’s got a Counterspell…

TRAVIS: He doesn’t know where it’s coming. Right? (high-pitched) Right?

TALIESIN: (singing) Sam has got a Counterspell.

LAURA: What are you - what’s happening?

MARISHA: (singing) When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way.

LAURA: Oh.

MARISHA: I don’t know.

LIAM: Rakshasa.

SAM: He’s doing math.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: It’s a Beautiful Mind moment right now.

LIAM: He does want to join Vox Monica.

TALIESIN: This is what it’s like on this end, going, “what the fuck do I do?" Thank you.

MARISHA: You know, there’s a mathematical equation for your stripes?

LIAM: Well, he reads thoughts but he gets them backwards, sometimes.

SAM: He’s thinking about that great Loot Crate deal.

LIAM: Vox Merkernerkerk.

LAURA: Verks Merkernerk.

ASHLEY: Vox Monica.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

ASHLEY: Vox Phoebe.

TRAVIS: He’s really thinking about this.

ASHLEY: Vox Ross. Vox Chandler.

SAM: How many people will die instantly - if I set off a thermonuclear bomb in my pocket?

MATT: All right. So.

LAURA: Vox Joey.

TRAVIS: Joey.

MATT: So. Hotis, first, is going to… reach back and pull out - no actually, no. Hotis is going to look up at the creature that just flew in on the broom.

ASHLEY: Look away.

MATT: Looks at you and says, "You’ll do.” Right as the eye contact hits you -

MARISHA: Oh my god. He’s going to fucking Finger of Death.

MATT: - you feel a presence begin to push into your head. I need you to roll a wisdom saving throw.

LIAM: At advantage, being a half-elf.

LAURA: Is it a charm?

MARISHA: Yeah, he’s trying to charm.

LAURA: Okay okay okay!

LIAM: Okay okay okay.

LAURA: Sheesh! Okay.

LIAM: Ah, we’re good.

LAURA: And what is it, wisdom?

MATT: Wisdom.

LAURA: 18 plus 3 is 21?

MATT: 21, all right. You resist the effect.

TRAVIS: What was he doing? What was the effect?

MARISHA: Trying to charm you, man.

LIAM: It was what he did to me the last time we faced him.

TRAVIS: Oh, really?

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Only half of us know how this fucker works.

LIAM: Now he does nothing at all.

LAURA: I don’t know what he is.

MARISHA: Wait…

TALIESIN: I wasn’t there.

MARISHA: It was just - was it just me and you?

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Oh my god, it was just me and you.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we’ve never, we have no…

LIAM: (sings) We’ve only just met.

ASHLEY: (sings) We’ve only just begun.

MATT: Yeah, he’s going to get quite a way aways from you guys.

ASHLEY: Where’s he going?

MATT: I’d say because you’re prone, you do get one attack of opportunity on him - no, you dropped the blade. The blade is not at your feet, so you can punch him if you want as he runs by.

SAM: Oh, if he runs away I can cast a spell on him.

MARISHA: Yeah. Warcaster.

MATT: From prone. I’ll let it happen, sure.

MARISHA: You can cast when you’re on your back.

MATT: 5 feet of you. I’ll let you do it. What do you want to do?

SAM: Well, it’s not the rule, though, I don’t want any preferential -

MATT: No, it’s not against the rules. It’s a weird in-between. You’re on the ground after falling from the top.

SAM: Yeah, I’m hurt, so maybe it wouldn’t work.

MATT: Yeah, but you see him running away and you can still cast from the ground, so go for it. What do you want to cast?

SAM: Okay. Well, what I was going to cast before he ran away was Bigby’s Hand and try to grapple him.

MATT: Okay, so you create Bigby’s Hand.

SAM: (singing) Bigby’s Hand!

MATT: And what level is Bigby’s Hand?

SAM: 5.

LAURA: Oh, no!

MATT: Bigby’s Hand (whoosh) appears and rushes out, and the fingers pass through the rakshasa. It has no effect.

LAURA: I know, I know.

ASHLEY: No!

MATT: It twice more tries to reach out, And the rakshasa shrugs it off like it’s nothing.

SAM: What? Bigby… But the hand is still there? He didn’t Counterspell it.

MATT: Correct.

SAM: He’s somehow immune to hand-based attacks. What if it were a foot? Would that have the same effect?

MATT: One could only conjecture.

SAM: Shit!

TALIESIN: It’s just the number of fingers, man.

SAM: Well, then I flip him off with it, but the British way.

(all laugh)

MATT: Perfect. All right, that’s going to end his turn.

MATT: Scanlan, you’re up

LIAM: Rakshasa cannot be jerked.

SAM: All right, I’m up. Well, that didn’t work. So I guess I’ll drop that. And instead - Jesus, what else can he resist? Fucking shit. How far is he from me?

MATT: Currently? He’s about… 40 feet from you?

SAM: Okay.

MATT: You can get up. You’re still prone on the ground.

SAM: I’ll use half of my movement to get up, and I will stare daggers at him and cast Eyebite against him.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Yeah, I’ll just do one of these and I’ll sing at him. I’ll sing, “(singing) I hate rakasha, so put another arrow in his body, baby!

(others join in singing):

"I hate rakasha, so come and take the time and fight with me!”

(all laugh)

MATT: As he looks back at you as you’re singing out loud and chuckles to himself -

SAM: Fucking -

MATT: - as it has no effect.

LIAM: Ah! Haha.

SAM: Fuck! But it was a good song!

TRAVIS: It was!

MATT: It was a very good song.

LIAM: Petition to Chris Perkins to rename it “rakasha.”

MARISHA: Rakasha!

LAURA: (whispers) Rakasha!

SAM: But what, he’s impervious to spells? How did that happen?

ASHLEY: What level was it?

SAM: That’s a 6th-level spell!

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: You have two more squares, if you want.

SAM: I don’t have a sword anymore. He picked it up, right?

LIAM: Yep.

MATT: Yep.

SAM: So, I guess I will…

LIAM: Hey, I’m in a lot of pain.

SAM: Oh, yeah. That guy.

(all laugh)

SAM: Okay. I’ll, uh -

LIAM: 6 big hit points.

SAM: I’ll heal you again with a - I can only do a level 1 bonus action with a Healing Word, right?

MATT: Up to level 2.

SAM: Oh, then I’ll do a level 2 Healing Word.

MATT: So 2d4 + 5.

SAM: Ooh. 2d4 + 5 and 5? Or 2d4 + 5?

MATT: Just 5.

SAM: Well, this is shitty. It’s 9 points again.

LIAM: I’ll take it.

MATT: It’s better than nothing.

LIAM: Yep.

MATT: Better than nothing. All righty. That ends Scanlan’s turn. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: Can I see them at all from the roof?

MATT: Yeah. You’ve gotten up and you can see them all there. Whatever this creature is, is now in the distance, trying to run back.

TRAVIS: Sweet anus! Reason to jump! And I jump off the roof into the courtyard.

MATT: Okay, (landing thud) you leap and it’s a very small step down (footstep)

TRAVIS: But I make it look like I landed really hard!

MARISHA: Three-point landing!

TRAVIS: Can I continue my movement in his direction as far as I can go? 50 feet.

MATT: 50. That’s as far as you can get.

TRAVIS: Is he another 20 feet away?

MATT: About 20 feet from you, yeah.

TRAVIS: Can I take my… Can I attach the Blood Axe to my Chain of Returning and hurl it at the rakshasa?

MATT: I’ll say yeah. You, being Grog, for the most part, you don’t take your equipment too far from you because you’ve been in uncomfortable situations.

TRAVIS: Only in the house of lady favors do I let my beans hang out when I sleep.

MATT: Right. Fair enough. You would have the chain on you, still.

ASHLEY: Franks and beans!

LIAM: How do you get the beans above the franks?

MATT: You attach it, swish it, and throw the axe. Go ahead.

TRAVIS: Reckless attack.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Thank god. Not much better. 17.

MATT: 17. 17 does hit.

TRAVIS: Oh, yay!

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage on that.

TRAVIS: 6! That’s 26 with 6 points of necrotic damage.

MATT: Nice! (throwing sounds) The axe slams into the tiger creature’s chest. “(growls, breathes heavily) I’ll come back for all of you!” Do you want to pull the blade back?

TRAVIS: Nope.

MATT: All right. It’s on the ground next to him, it’s not jammed into him -

TRAVIS: Oh, then yeah, I’ll pull it back.

MATT: Yeah, it’s not hard to pull back.

TRAVIS: Just (whoosh).

MATT: Go ahead and roll your athletics check.

TRAVIS: What is it?

MATT: You’re raging, so you have advantage.

TRAVIS: Oh, thank you.

TRAVIS: Same number.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: Athletics.

TRAVIS: 11.

MATT: You pull it back (vwoof) and it streaks past you (shhh), scatters across the ground in the other direction. You haven’t quite picked it up yet; you’re going to have to try again.

TRAVIS: Meant to do that.

MATT: Yep.

ASHLEY: It’s 15.

SAM: Cool move.

TRAVIS: Oh, it’s 15, sorry.

MATT: 15?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Then as you (shhh) pull it back - No, not this day, Blood Axe. You’re mine.

(all laugh)

MATT: All right. That finishes your turn, Grog. Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: I am going to… move up, I guess. My full movement.

MATT: About there.

MARISHA: Okay, roughly how far away is he from me now? The rakshasa?

MATT: Eyeballing it right now, from best you can tell, he’s about 60-70 feet from you.

MARISHA: All right. Okay. 60-70 feet. First things first, I’m going to cast Wall of Stone, and what I want to do is make it a semi-circle, and wall him in with us.

MATT: A semi-circle and wall you guys in?

MARISHA: Yeah, wall him in with us. I don’t want us to lose sight on him, but I want to make it like a -

TALIESIN: A cup.

MARISHA: A cup. Yeah.

MATT: All righty. So like around there?

MARISHA: Yep. All the way…

MATT: How long can you make the wall?

MARISHA: How long can I make the wall? I can make the wall…

MATT: Vax, you’re on deck by the way.

MARISHA: I can do 10 by… sorry. If it’s 3 inches thick, I can do 10 foot by -

TALIESIN: 10 by 20?

MARISHA: 20-foot panels… It doesn’t really specify right now. Is it supposed to be 10… Okay, right. Right. So I think that’s about right.

MATT: I will pull this up.

MARISHA: I don’t want it to be super thick.

TALIESIN: It’s not a very descriptive -

MARISHA: It’s not very descriptive.

MATT: Okay, 6-inch thick, composed of 10 foot by 10 foot panels -

MARISHA: And when I do 3 inches thick, I can create 10 foot by 20 foot panels - it says the same damn thing in the book. You create a span of 20-foot length…

MATT: We’ll say that that’s fine. You do a 3-inch wall there, 10 feet high?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: And now I’m going to do a bonus action - see if this works. Okay, I have a 60-foot range here, so I want to cast a Grasping Vine -

MATT: Grasping Vine is a 4th-level spell. You can’t do it as a bonus action the same turn you did another spell.

MARISHA: Fuck, that’s right. Never mind. Then I’m going to take a bonus action and Healing Word Vax.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: 8 points. How far away am I from Vax?

MATT: You’re about 25-30 feet.

MARISHA: Okay, can I shout at him?

MATT: You may.

MARISHA: Vax! Is that Hotis?

LIAM: Yeah!

MARISHA: Uh, holy shit!

LIAM: That’s what I said!

MARISHA: That’s my turn.

MATT: And it’s your turn, Vax.

LIAM: Okay, and the first thing I do is shout out, “Blades! I think blades are the best way to go here, folks!” And I’m going to run at him.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: I think I should get there with 12, no?

LAURA: No boots.

LIAM: Oh! No boots!

LIAM: All right, I’ll use - fuck a duck. I’ll use the bonus action to dash.

MATT: Okay, dash. (swoosh) You’ll get right there. Unless you want to hold back -

LIAM: And I’m going to try to grapple that fucking dick.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: Mmm, that’s good.

LIAM: 19.

LAURA: I’m going to grapple that dick so good.

ASHLEY: I’m going to grapple that dick!

TALIESIN: I’m going to grapple that dick.

SAM: Grapple that dick.

MATT: He is grappled.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: Grapple him, yeah!

(all laugh)

LIAM: And before my turn ends, I’m going to pull him in and say, “Fool me once, motherfucker.” And whoever steps in steps in.

MATT: Okay. Good to know. This assassin is done - no turns for them. He is being slowly torn apart by Trinket against the stairs. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Okay, I’m going to… jeez, Louise. I’m going to… fly down and land on the ground as my move.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: And I’m going to shoot him with my Blazing Bowstring.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: (singing) Blazing Bowstring!

LAURA: 22!

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: All right. (mumbling) …13…

LIAM: (sighs) Girl…

LAURA: (mumbling) …plus 8…

ASHLEY: Nice.

LAURA: Is 21! On the first attack.

MATT: 21 damage. All righty.

LAURA: And I get to use the Blazing Bowstring again because I get it twice.

MATT: You do. Roll for the next attack.

LAURA: That is a 26.

MATT: That hits, yeah.

LAURA: 15 on the second.

ASHLEY: Bracers?

MATT: All righty…

LAURA: Ah! Shit, add 4 to that. I’m sorry. I’m an asshole.

MATT: No, it’s all good.

TRAVIS: You said it.

MATT: All righty, so (whoosh whoosh) both arrows slam (sound of flame catching) burst of flame - “(growls)” He’s now starting to look even more rough and ragged. The fire’s curling up the side of the robe.

LAURA: And I yell, “What’s a hotis?!”

MATT: All right. Pike, you’re up.

ASHLEY: Okay. I would like to get to the window and jump out.

MATT: The hole in the wall you mean?

ASHLEY: The hole in the wall. I have my Celestial Shield. I’m going to cast Featherfall on myself.

MATT: Okay, this actually is a climb up. This isn’t a window. This is an opening in the wall that Keyleth made with Stone Shape.

MARISHA: I made a ramp with the rubble.

MATT: You’re actually stepping up.

ASHLEY: She made a ramp, so we don’t need to do it.

MATT: So you get up, and the farthest you can get this turn, unless you want to go full movement - you’ll not be able to make it all the way up the ramp and still do something, so…

ASHLEY: Can I use my Sprinter’s Boots?

MATT: You can, actually. Yes, you can.

ASHLEY: I’m still up on the ramp. Can I still be hidden, then? I’ll stay right there.

MATT: Okay, so you come out onto the roof and you jump down about 5 feet, and you’re on the roof, now, the moonlight coming down, a somewhat clouded, spotted sky. In the distance, you see everyone rushing towards some sort of entity that’s walled in by a stone wall. He’s currently up in the face of Vax. You still have your action right now.

ASHLEY: Okay. Do I have a clear shot to use - where did it go? Flame Strike at 7th level.

MATT: You do, actually. You do. On 7th level?

ASHLEY: Da.

SAM: Our music, it’s gone.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: Oh, it’s coming, don’t worry.

LIAM: (singing “Whistle Stop”)

(all join in on different parts)

SAM: That’s also Bluegrass, folks.

MATT: And with that, we’re putting box music up.

(all chuckle)

MATT: Or we should be.

LAURA: Oh no!

TALIESIN: (radio announcer voice) That’s called “The Rakshasa Blues.” Coming up next -

LIAM: (starts singing Mortal Kombat theme)

MATT: We’ve got a boombox right here -

LAURA, MARISHA, AND ASHLEY: Mortal Kombat!

TRAVIS: Doo-doo-doo. Fight!

MATT: I don’t know why - input’s functional, but we’ll just make up the music as we go. So, at a 7th-level Flame Strike. That’ll be putting… 10d6 damage. Going to attempt a saving throw. That’s a natural 1, but does have advantage on saving throws against spells.

LAURA: I can hear music, it’s just really quiet!

MARISHA: Yeah, I can hear it.

LIAM: I liked ours better.

MARISHA: Oh, there we go! Oh, you were doing something to it.

SAM: This is exciting.

MATT: It’s coming, isn’t it?

MARISHA: It’s coming.

LIAM: (record scratching noise)

MATT: What’s the DC of your spell? That’ll be an 18.

MATT: Spell DC?

ASHLEY: 18.

MATT: Yeah, it does save, so it takes half damage. Go ahead and roll 10d6.

LAURA: Damn.

LIAM: Damn.

ASHLEY: Okay, 6, 8, 9.

MARISHA: Kill that motherfucker!

ASHLEY: 14.

LAURA: 18.

ASHLEY: 18.

TRAVIS: (whispers) 19.

ASHLEY: 19, 22 -

TRAVIS: But that’s it -

ASHLEY: I roll 10.

TRAVIS: Oh!

LAURA: 22, 28, 29.

LIAM: It’s like watching the Olympics.

ASHLEY: 29.

LIAM: 5-9, 5-8, 6-1.

LAURA: Ooh!

MARISHA: I don’t even know what that means!

ASHLEY: Okay, so 45.

MATT: So, 45 halved is 22 points of fire and bludgeoning damage.

MARISHA: What did you cast?

MATT: So how do you want to do this?

ASHLEY: (gasps) Wha -

LAURA AND TRAVIS: Oh!

TRAVIS: Shit!

LAURA: Oh my god!

ASHLEY: Are you serious? (gasps) What?

LAURA: Pikey-Pike killed a rakshasa!

MATT: How do you want to do this?

LIAM: Do it, girl.

ASHLEY: I’m so shocked! I don’t know! Okay, okay. Oh, man. Can the Flame Strike go through his body and (explosion noise) burst him like a (foof)?

(all laugh)

MATT: Burst him like a foof. So, as you turn the corner, seeing all your friends charging toward this creature, knowing the fear that you heard in Vax’s voice earlier, the burning rage of vengeance -

ASHLEY: I’m mad.

MATT: - burns beneath your skin -

SAM: Exposed skin.

MATT: - your mostly exposed skin.

ASHLEY: My non-hairy skin.

(all laugh)

MATT: You grab your holy symbol, drop the shield, and bring your arm up like this. As you do, the rakshasa before you all of a sudden goes like (grunts) -

LIAM: I’m going to let go of him now.

MATT: You see the skin cracking -

LIAM: Just back up a few.

MATT: - these breaks to his exterior, these strange, glowing, internal cracks on his body. “(hissing, raspy breaths) I will return!”

LIAM: Yeah, we’ll see you next time, shitface.

MATT: (explosion sound) And he detonates with a column of fire that comes bursting out of the ground from the body. You can see the shattering, burned bits of rakshasa flesh go flying across the entire exterior of the castle as this column, 20, 30, 40 feet up, streaks up out of the top of the castle, lighting up the vicinity of Whitestone. And as it slowly subsides, there is nothing but a pile of ash left where Hotis was.

(cheers)

TRAVIS: That was sweet!

LAURA: What the fuck was that?

ASHLEY: Thanks, Grog!

SAM: So, I think I understand. You have to be naked to cast spells on it. Is that it?

ASHLEY: I think that’s what it is!

LIAM: That’s how we did it last time.

LAURA: What was that? What is this?

TALIESIN: I’m going to finish running up to the West Tower.

LAURA: Trinket is slowly realizing nobody’s around him.

TALIESIN: He could have joined me.

ASHLEY: I hold my shield over my body.

LIAM: I think we might need to have a discussion with Vanessa at some point for not alerting us to the fact that this is a -

MARISHA: That those things come back.

LIAM: - an ongoing -

MARISHA: - problem.

LIAM: - contract.

TRAVIS: I run over and I give Pike a fancy robe.

MARISHA: We watched him die.

LAURA: Who, Hotis?

LIAM: I stuck a knife through his throat and slit the front of it.

TRAVIS: You killed him before?

ASHLEY: So he comes back?

MARISHA: Remember when we split up for the Slayer’s Take? He was our contract.

TRAVIS: Oh.

LAURA: Right.

TRAVIS: Didn’t finish him off, did you?

MARISHA: Nope, Vax and I watched him die.

TRAVIS: Like, die, or like he “ah” fell?

LAURA: And then you walked away.

LIAM: I slit his throat.

MARISHA: He slit his throat.

LIAM: And it exploded blood all over the ground underneath his big smile -

MARISHA: Yes, it got blood all over the place.

TRAVIS: That’s pretty dead.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: So he’s a vampire.

MARISHA: I think we need to talk to Vanessa, like he said.

TALIESIN: I am alerting the guards and I am yelling through the hallways to lock down the city. MATT: Which, at this point, guards start coming up from below -

LAURA: Good job, guys! Totally on it.

TALIESIN: We don’t know we got everybody - lock down, keep looking!

MARISHA: Yes, be that there are assassins running around, which was not part of the contract before.

LAURA: I fly up on the broom and try to spot anybody on the ground that looks dangerous.

TRAVIS: Can I look at Vax and ask him what he’s wearing?

LAURA: (laughs)

LIAM: Oh, this is a -

SAM: A bloody robe.

LIAM: A beautiful, bloodied… It’s a robe. It’s a beautiful brown.

MARISHA: The beading on it is gorgeous.

LAURA: I thought it was silver.

ASHLEY: Can I check the robe?

LIAM: No, no look at it - it’s brown. It’s brown, it’s earthy.

LAURA: Matt said it was silver the last game.

LIAM: Yeah, but look at it. Can’t you see with your eyes? It’s brown.

MATT: Well, portions of it are brown now, due to the blood that has seeped into it from the various stab wounds that he’s suffered.

LIAM: I don’t really want to wear this. I’m a little confused right now. I think I need to -

SAM: What happened?

TRAVIS: Yeah, how did that happen?

ASHLEY: Can I take a look at the robe?

MATT: As you attempt to take the robe off, you feel like the strength is sapped from your body and you’re like (raspy groan). And the more you try to pull it off, the more and more you start to feel like it’s pulling the breath out of your lungs.

ASHLEY: Can I try to rip it off of him?

LIAM: Ah, wait wait wait wait wait - let’s figure out what’s going on!

LAURA: Do I see anything? Can I land?

MATT: Yeah, make a perception check -

LIAM: Wait, stop, everyone stop. (breathes heavily) That thing came to me disguised as Gilmore. He told me he wanted to talk, we went for a walk, he gave me this - Full disclosure, we all know he’s fucking sweet on me. We went for a stroll and then he turned into whatever he is and then he fucking stabbed me in the gut.

ASHLEY: Wait, but -

MATT: You see guards scattered around the castle.

ASHLEY: Gilmore gave you the robe?

LIAM: No, he was disguised as Gilmore.

MARISHA: The rakshasa can disguise -

LIAM: He’s a skinchanger.

MARISHA: He can shape-shift - and he can teleport, and he can do all sorts of shifty things.

LIAM: Which means we need to find Gilmore and we need to find Allura now.

TALIESIN: Everyone get -

MARISHA: Hang on, hang on! I go up to Vax and I cast Dispel Magic as I try and pull off the robe.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Ahh. Ahh? It stings? I think.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a d20 and add 6 for your wisdom.

MARISHA: Add 6 to my wisdom?

MATT: Add 6 to the roll from your wisdom.

MARISHA: Oh, add 6 to the roll from my wisdom. Oh, adding my modifier, right. 14.

MATT: 14. As you cast Dispel Magic and start pulling the robe back, you feel like someone’s pulling the skin off your body.

SAM: Oh, god.

LIAM: Fuck me!

MATT: You suffer 12 points of damage as it feels like someone’s peeling the flesh off your body.

SAM AND MARISHA: Wait, does it come off?

MATT: No.

TALIESIN: I’ve got a plan.

MARISHA: It doesn’t come off.

TRAVIS: I pull it off.

TALIESIN: No no no no no! No. I’m grabbing Vex. Vax, Vex, with me. Everyone start searching. Tell them that we’re going to need a healer downstairs. And I’m going to take him. We’re going to head towards -

LAURA: Wait, did you say me or him?

TALIESIN: I’m taking both of you because I’m not carrying him alone, because he’s heavy.

LAURA: He’s actually quite light.

LIAM: I’m lighter than my sister.

TALIESIN: I have a strength of 12. There’s not a lot I can do.

LAURA: Ow, no, I’m serious. Don’t! I’m really not strong.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try and drag him down towards the pit with the orb of death.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s a good idea.

TRAVIS: Are there any pieces of the rakshasa left?

MATT: Burned, tiny chunks and ash. It was a full - it was - We’re talking end-of-Matrix-style Agent Smith scattering.

LIAM: Scanlan!

SAM: What?

LIAM: Will you grab that dagger off the ground for me?

SAM: What dagger? You had a -

LIAM: His dagger, the dagger - no, I’ve got your sword. And I toss it as we get dragged off. The dagger. Get the dagger for me!

SAM: I’ll grab the dagger. I’m coming with.

LIAM: I like them.

MARISHA: I go and I look for Allura and Gilmore.

TALIESIN: Yes, let them know what’s going on.

MARISHA: While they do that.

MATT: Okay. So you take Vax and Vex down towards the ziggurat.

LAURA: Come on.

LIAM: (groans)

TALIESIN: Just make sure if you start to feel strange as we go down there, let us know. And we slowly inch towards the effects of it.

LIAM: This is why I didn’t even bother to take it off.

LAURA: You know what? At least it doesn’t smell as bad as your feathers.

TALIESIN: That’s so true.

ASHLEY: I’d like to follow.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Life’s not that bad. Life’s not that bad.

TALIESIN: Yes, but your smell is.

TRAVIS: I’ll go, too, just as security.

SAM: I’m with.

MATT: You’re with them?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: All right, so you guys all make your way down. As you’re going through the castle, it’s in utter chaos now. All the guards who, in what was about 20 to 30 seconds of action since the moment of actual shouting at the top of the tower, the reaction time would be great if it wasn’t such a short window they had to get up there and you guys were right in the thick of it, and more trained than these soldiers.

MARISHA: As I’m looking for Gilmore and Allura, I’m alerting the guards of the visuals of the assailants.

MATT: Okay. And the guards begin to continue pushing around. You can see now, lights are starting to come on in the town. You guys make your way down into the subterranean tunnels under Whitestone, where the Ziggurat is. You can see it, once again, the large, pyramid-like structure.

TALIESIN: I cast - no, no, never mind. I’ll hold off. Keep walking.

MATT: Okay. You make your way into the central chamber. It has a number of fire-based braziers that are set in there now for light that are just general fire, but a lot of them are burned down to embers. It’s very, very low light in this area. You can barely see anything in here. You guys make your way inside the room. It’s cold, it’s dank, it’s not a very comfortable atmosphere.

TALIESIN: Okay. Very gently.

LIAM: I’ll do it! I’ll do it.

TALIESIN: If this doesn’t work, we can try something else.

TRAVIS: What are you doing?

LAURA: I’ve got it.

SAM: Hold on, we’re close enough that magic has no effect, yeah?

LAURA: Potentially.

LIAM: Potentially.

SAM: I’ll cast Mage Hand to slap Percy in the face.

MATT: No effect.

SAM: No effect. Okay, we’re good.

LIAM: All right. I’m going to just peel it, slowly. I’m not going to rip it off like these assholes.

MATT: Okay. It pulls back with no issue.

LAURA: Hey! Get that shit off.

SAM: Throw it in the orb!

TALIESIN: Don’t throw it in the orb!

LAURA: Somebody give him something to put on. Grog, do you have any more fancy robes?

TRAVIS: Nope, all out.

TALIESIN: Put it on the ground. We’ll deal with it. We’re not leaving it here.

LAURA: Well, just cover up your bits with it, maybe.

LIAM: We look almost exactly the same -

LAURA: I don’t have any dangly bits, I’m sorry to tell you.

LIAM: Minus that one thing, we are so close.

TALIESIN: Three things. Three things.

MARISHA: Three things. There’s a few.

LAURA: A couple other things.

LIAM: Yeah, but still.

TRAVIS: I do have one other fancy robe.

LAURA: Give him a fancy robe, Grog.

TRAVIS: Mmm.

LAURA: Grog!

TRAVIS: Yes?

LAURA: For my sake?

TRAVIS: All right. Last fancy robe to Vax.

SAM: Will the Bag of Holding work down here?

TALIESIN: No.

LIAM: Shush, you fucker.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

MATT: You reach into the Bag of Holding, and it’s just an empty satchel.

TALIESIN: Yeah, there’s no Bag of Holding in here. So why don’t we go upstairs now that it’s off and we’ll leave it here, and I’ll be the last to leave with it.

LAURA: Wait. Why are you keeping it, Percy?

TALIESIN: Because I’m not sure destroying it in here is the best idea, and I’m not sure if destroying it is going to damage him. So we’re going to be careful.

LAURA: All right.

TRAVIS: Aren’t there acid pools down here?

LAURA: No.

TALIESIN: It’s not a terrible idea, but we should -

TRAVIS: Yeah, there are.

LAURA: Oh. That’s right, that’s where your gun went.

LIAM: But not near here, not here.

TALIESIN: Let’s just very gently - we don’t know what that is yet, so let’s very gently get you out of the orb’s influence, and then we’ll remove it out of the orb’s influence, and we’ll see if there’s a problem.

LIAM: I walk proudly and naked out of the fucking ziggurat.

TRAVIS: That’s what I was going to ask.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: I pick up the cloak and move it outside the orb’s influence to see if it has any effect.

MATT: Okay. As you pull it beyond the perimeter of what you’ve come to mark, and it is marked, by the way. Through the research of Allura and the folks that have been here for a while, there is a specific mark in the hallway where that barrier begins.

TALIESIN: I just gingerly start to put it forward, watching him.

MATT: No noticeable effect.

TALIESIN: All right.

LAURA: Nothing?

TALIESIN: Seems all right. I’m going to slowly walk away from the - slowly bring it out of the influence of the sphere.

MATT: No effect.

LAURA: Does that mean we should take it back in and chop it up so nobody ever puts it on?

TALIESIN: I think we should have someone look at it first.

SAM: No, we can use it as a weapon.

TALIESIN: Or we could destroy it properly. One or the other.

TRAVIS: Probably a good idea. Should I check the Bag of Holding now?

LAURA: Yeah, look in it.

TRAVIS: Can I reach in for a fancy robe?

MATT: Yeah, you pull out a fancy robe.

TRAVIS: Awesome. I wind it up like a towel and I smack Vax on the ass super hard.

LIAM: What’s - fucking hell. And I don’t even roll for it.

(screams)

TRAVIS: Bare ass. Bare ass I get it really good, like (whack)!

LIAM: Grog. Grog.

TRAVIS: Yeah?

LIAM: Brother, I am so happy to be alive.

TRAVIS: Yeah, me, too. Here you go. (whssht)

LIAM: Whoo. Wait, is this the one? Ugh.

LAURA: No, no, it’s a fancy robe. It’s just a regular robe.

LIAM: Are you sure?

LAURA AND ASHLEY: Yes.

TRAVIS: Yeah, put it on, fucker.

MATT: (laughs) The fear of robes has now set in.

MARISHA: (laughs) In robes?

TALIESIN: I am carrying the robe on Bad News like a stank rag, at this point, through the hallway.

MATT: Okay. While this is happening, you make your way down. Allura and Gilmore weren’t staying in the castle. They were staying on the north side of the town.

MARISHA: As I walk towards them, I want to throw up a Skywrite, once again. The de Rolo crest, just alerting people.

MATT: Okay. And you do see, there are lights coming on in the town and guards are now going out through the streets, going through buildings, searching for individuals that match the description you’re at. As you make your way towards Gilmore’s home, you hear what sounds like a loud, heavy thud. (boof) (boof boof) Another one, and suddenly a crash of glass.

LAURA: I take off run - oh, she’s by herself.

MATT: She’s there by herself.

MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to cast Polymorph on myself.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And I’m going to go as a mouse.

MATT: Wild Shape or Polymorph?

MARISHA: Polymorph.

MATT: Okay. (fft) You turn into a tiny little mouse.

MARISHA: Can I fit through the door?

MATT: Yep. You (fft) skirt under the door. The first thing you notice now is there is a bookcase that is shattered and there is a figure slumped in the corner where the table is broken. There’s a little bit of light from a lantern that’s been knocked over that’s starting to catch fire on the curtains, and as the light (whoosh) from the flames begin to pick up, you can see the figure that was off to the side suddenly lifts up in the air. And you now see there, held aloft, what looks to be a humanoid, wearing dark leathers, a cloak, and a hood (groans) being held about four feet in the air, tense up. Walking out of the next room, you see Gilmore in disarray, a little bit of blood streaking down the forehead there, sweaty in the face, with his arm out.

SAM: Ooh.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: “What did you say? That’s what I thought!” And he closes his hand and you watch as the figure is just - (squelching noise)

ALL: (shocked and impressed exclamations)

MATT: - squashed in this ball of flesh, and you can see as it slowly twists, it’s like squeezing water out of a towel, just blood pours out.

ALL: (noises of disgust)

TRAVIS: (gleeful laughter) Yes!

MATT: And then he releases his fingers, and the figure (thud) falls limp on the ground like a crushed doll. “(sighs)”

MARISHA: I drop Polymorph.

MATT: “(startled shout)”

MARISHA: It’s okay! It’s okay! It’s me, Keyleth. Sorry.

MATT: “It’s not the night to be doing that to me!”

MARISHA: (shouting) I know, I know!

(all laugh)

MATT: “(sighs) I need a drink.”

MARISHA: Gilmore. Rakshasa. In the town. Pretending to be you. Trying to kill Vax.

MATT: “Right now?”

MARISHA: Yes! Also, a bunch of fucking assassins.

MATT: He grabs you by the arm -

MARISHA: (scared) Yeah.

MATT: - and just (shfff). There’s a rush of air and a sparkle of purplish-blue energy. As you guys are walking through the tunnel, all of a sudden (boof), with a flash of light, you see, standing before you in the tunnel, Keyleth and a very harried Gilmore, who is -

MARISHA: (breathless) I found Gilmore.

MATT: “(pants)”

LAURA: I pull out my weapons.

TRAVIS: Are we killing this one?

MARISHA: No! This is real Gilmore! Real Gilmore.

MATT: “Hi. (chuckles) I’m glad to see you’re all right.”

LAURA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: (cracks up)

MATT: “Wasn’t expecting it to be my birthday, as well. (chuckles)”

LIAM: Oh, I’m still here? Oh, I’m still here!

SAM: Vax, Vax, quick!

LAURA: (singing) And naked!

LIAM: Let’s look at the backside instead. This is a little awkward.

SAM: Vax, ask him a question that only Gilmore would know the answer to.

LIAM: Oh, sh - What did I tell you in that tavern the other night? A couple of months ago, I guess. What did I tell you?

LAURA: (laughs) Do you remember?

LIAM: Yeah, I do.

MATT: And you can see now, he’s breathing heavy. He’s been a little winded. And his eyes are excited to see - excited to see you for multiple reasons, but excited to see that you’re alive. But as you ask him this question, you see his demeanor darkens a little. “That you… had interests elsewhere.”

LIAM: Yeah, that’s Gilmore.

MARISHA: As he says this, I do a little cantrip Fog Cloud around Vax’s… privies. Just a little floating fog cloud.

LIAM: Oh, not in my hair.

LAURA: A little floating cloud of -

MARISHA: Right around your waistline.

ASHLEY: A little tutu.

MARISHA: The old tutu.

LAURA: A little smoky tutu?

MARISHA: A little censor bar.

TRAVIS: Should I throw him the robe?

TALIESIN: Anime bathhouses.

TRAVIS: I thought I threw him the robe.

LAURA: He let it go. He wanted to walk naked.

LIAM: It’s been a shit night. Who wants to get a drink?

MARISHA: Well, wait.

MATT: “I, for one, could really go for some heavy alcohol.”

MARISHA: Gilmore. Where’s Allura? Where’s Allura?

MATT: “I don’t know.”

MARISHA: Gilmore, if they were after us and they were after you, they were probably also after Allura. We need to make sure that everyone on the Council is okay.

LAURA: Zahra. Kashaw.

MARISHA: All of them.

MATT: “Then let us go search. And then we shall drink. Nevertheless.” And Gilmore steps into the fog cloud -

(all laugh)

MATT: - and puts his arms around your neck and pulls you in, deep into his shoulder, and as he holds you really close, he whispers, “I’m glad you’re all right.”

LIAM: (quietly) I don’t say anything.

MATT: He lets you go.

LIAM: I pick the dialogue choice in the Telltale Game, where I say -

LAURA: You say “dot dot dot”?

ASHLEY: Ellipses.

MARISHA: Say nothing?

SAM: Dot dot dot?

MATT: He pulls back with a smile and kind of reads you.

TRAVIS: Gilmore will remember that.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: He gives a nod of understanding and takes a step back. "I’m sorry.”

LIAM: Oh, no no no.

MATT: “Let’s go make sure that everyone else is all right. Come! Follow me.” He turns around and goes into a jovial jog. You guys make your way up back up to the castle. Kashaw and Zahra are both fine. You come to them and find that their rooms were not disturbed, as neither of them were in the - actually, no, Kashaw was.

SAM: Where was Kashaw?

LAURA: He fought the rakshasa to begin with.

MATT: (laughs) Yeah, no. You do come to the point where there are now a bunch of guards swarmed around the outside of Kashaw’s room. As you push past, there is blood everywhere. Everywhere. On the walls, the ceiling, the floor, across the bed.

TRAVIS: Awesome. MATT: And you see, sitting on the edge of the bed, spear in hand, shield tossed to the side, also covered in bits of viscera, Kashaw, who’s currently leaning against the edge.

LIAM: What’s up, Stink-Eye?

MATT: “They knew better, right? What else was going to happen?”

TRAVIS: How many were there?

MATT: “Oh, just one.”

TRAVIS: Whoa.

ALL: (impressed laughter)

TRAVIS: Cool. Cool. Respect.

LAURA: We’re grabbing a drink, Kashaw.

MATT: “I’ll take a shower first. But then a drink.”

MARISHA: I grab him real fast and say, “It was Hotis, the rakshasa. Remember? From the Slayer’s Take.”

MATT: “I always hated cats.”

ASHLEY: I put out my hand and say, “I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s nice to meet you.”

MATT: “Oh. Nice to meet you, too.”

ASHLEY: I have a robe! I have on a robe!

TRAVIS: “I have on a robe, I have on a robe!”

ASHLEY: I’m dressed! I’m dressed! MATT: We’ll say he closes the front a little bit.

LIAM: It’s probably way too large for you.

ASHLEY: A deep V?

MATT: Right, right.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: “It’s nice to meet you, too. I… don’t normally dress like this, either, so don’t worry.”

ASHLEY: I’m dressed like this all the time.

MATT: “Huh. I like you.” And he walks out. “I’ll meet you guys in a minute.” And he goes off to clean himself up. Zahra’s fine. There’s been no attack on Zahra.

LAURA: Cassandra?

TRAVIS: Allura?

MARISHA: Yeah. Let’s split up, I guess?

TALIESIN: Let’s all meet in the sitting room in ten minutes. So let’s have anybody on the Council meet there in ten minutes. I’ll send word to the guards to get everybody where they need to be. If anything’s out of sort, it will instantly reported to us.

ASHLEY: Good plan.

LIAM: I’m going to get my shit.

LAURA: I want to put on my armor.

TALIESIN: I’m also getting my shit.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: And then go find Zahra.

MARISHA: I’m going to go look for Allura.

TRAVIS: I’ll go for Cassandra with you because I don’t trust that bitch.

LIAM: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Oh.

MATT: All right. You guys gather your stuff. At this time, Cassandra’s awake, and she’s actually in the process of dealing with the guards that are coming back with information. They’ve been sweeping parts of the town. Haven’t found anyone else. There’s been no real follow-up to any other figures that have been found, beyond the few select individuals. And it’s at this time, as you guys gather your stuff and begin to head back out, that Allura comes into the front of the castle. She comes in, hair tossed, and she looks a little frazzled. “Is everyone all right?”

LAURA: Yes. Kima? Is she all right?

MATT: She looks over her shoulder, and you see Kima come walking in, wearing what looks like a long nightshirt. Her maul in her hand and dragging behind by the foot what looks to be a mostly-mashed face of one of the assassins that tried to find its way into their home. Dragging a long trail.

MARISHA: Still alive?

MATT: No, not alive at all. The head is caved in, and there’s a long trail of crimson that leads all the way down the walkway, down the footpath of the castle, and disappears towards the base of the walkway at the north side of Whitestone. “(grunts)” And throws him. (repeated thuds) Tumbles onto the ground, smears across a bit of the stonework.

LAURA: Good work.

MATT: “You, too. I can see the rest of you guys, at least, seem to be okay.”

TRAVIS: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Who did get attacked, out of curiosity? What happened to yours?

MARISHA: This assassin came through my window.

TALIESIN: Did you kill him?

MARISHA: Yeah. Well, I… actually, I don’t know. I chucked him out the window. He might still be alive.

TALIESIN: I’m going to turn to a guard and say, “Search underneath the window of that bedroom. Anything you find - look carefully, find a body. If you don’t find a body, find a trail.” Good work. Windows are good.

SAM: Do “ra-kasha-kashas” typically hire people? Where do they come from? Do they come with a band of merry men? I don’t know anything about them.

LAURA: They’re just tigers. Do tigers -

MATT: Allura goes like, “What did you say?”

SAM: Oh, there was a “raka-sha-sha.”

TALIESIN: A rakshasa.

MARISHA: A rakshasa.

SAM: No, I think you’re saying it wrong.

LAURA: A hotis. A hotis?

MARISHA: His NAME was Hotis. Rakshasas are devils from the Nine Hells.

MATT: “I’m quite familiar with them, yes.”

SAM: Do they travel with assassin friends all the time? Where do they come from?

MATT: “Well, they come from the hells, but they make allies all throughout the realm. They’re manipulators. They masquerade as anyone that they think would help their current intent and goal. They lie, they deceive, they convert.”

LIAM: Keyleth and I encountered him last.

MARISHA: And Kashaw, wherever he is.

LIAM: And Kash. And I took his last blood, and I heard a threat, but I didn’t make anything of it.

MARISHA: We watched him die.

LIAM: And here he is again, so I suspect this will happen again?

MATT: “So you slew this rakshasa tonight.”

TRAVIS: Well, this one did.

MATT: “Well, that will be vengeance on two, then. It will be back.”

SAM: Is there a way to prevent the “sha-ka-kan” from coming back?

LIAM: Is there a way to finish it off for good?

MARISHA: Permanently.

MATT: “There are a couple of ways. All of them involve going to its home plane and destroying it there. So unless you marvel a trip to the Nine Hells, it’s going to be a bit of paranoia for a while. It does take weeks, months for them to regain their form, but the process is very painful for them and, as far as what I’ve read, at least, they only really care about getting back at the ones that took it from them.”

LAURA: So still him and you?

SAM: And now Pike.

MARISHA: Is it one of those things where it passes off down the line, or is this rakshasa going to be pissed at both of them?

MATT: “Since you’re alive, its vengeance was not sated. I think that’s two of you on its shit list.”

LIAM: Allura, would you be able to… give us guidance on how to get to it? I mean, this is a group decision, and I’m not going to be fooled in the same way again. I’m going to be sleeping with my fucking knives for a while. But this will just repeat. How do we get to it?

MATT: “Well, for right now, it’s screaming its way back to the pit of its own creation. It will take weeks, months before it reforms. It will be very vulnerable during that time. Mind you, it’s not the most welcoming place, either. But (sighs) if we make a journey there in a few weeks’ time, we could probably find where it’s currently recouping, and slay it for good.”

LAURA: How long will that take?

MATT: “How long will what take, the journey? Instantaneous. To find it, longer. To survive that journey, that is no easy task, as it is a place of great danger and great evil.”

LIAM: Are you able to locate it once it’s reformed?

MATT: “It’s possible. It depends on what sort of magic wards it may have. I don’t know where it is. We could certainly try.”

MARISHA: I believe it’s immune to certain magics, correct?

MATT: “That is the issue.”

ASHLEY: Do they get any stronger when they come back, or are they always the same?

MATT: “All creatures don’t like to make the same mistake twice, thence the why it seems it brought friends.”

MARISHA: Speaking of those friends. You said these rakshasas are master manipulators. Is there a group or an organization here that has it out for us? I mean, I’m sure many, but -

MATT: “I am certain there are many. As there are a few that have it out for me, I’m certain.”

LIAM: Were there any survivors from our assailants?

TALIESIN: We’re looking, but none of ours.

LIAM: (sighs) Well, if there are any, we follow it back to the source.

TALIESIN: Yes.

MARISHA: In the meantime, I guess it’s time to drink.

LIAM: (quietly) Also ale.

TRAVIS: (quietly) Also ale.

MATT: “It will be hard to find this rakshasa now or any time in the very near future, as it’s still finding its seed of corporeal form. (sighs) But I agree, this has to be rectified.“

MARISHA: I still feel like we need to reach out to Vanessa. Let her know what’s going on.

LIAM: Maybe up the -

MARISHA: Cost of the contract?

LIAM: - asking price on that?

LAURA: (scoffs) Yeah, good luck.

LIAM: (laughs)

MATT: "I’m a bit confused, but do what you need to do. Regardless,” and she looks to Gilmore, who has taken a breath now and has pulled an evening flask out of his night robe. He takes a swig off of it, goes, “I think we need to quicken our reinforcements of the city. I think we need to make certain that not only are we scry-proof, but I believe we need to find a way to alert ourselves of any sort of celestial or fiend intrusion.”

LAURA: So it’s a fiend.

LIAM: A fiend? Also -

MATT: “The very definition.”

LIAM: This is not just a vendetta. It knows about Whitestone. It knows about our base of operations.

LAURA: How do you know that?

TALIESIN: Because it came here.

LIAM: It looked us in the face. It knows we’re here. It knows where we are. It knows all of us. It knows him. It knows all of us.

TALIESIN: It may not know its value, but it does -

MATT: The rakshasa - at this point, Gilmore is like, “That’s actually a very valid point. How would it - did it meet us? How would it know what I look like?”

MARISHA: Good point. Did it meet us?

LIAM: When was the last time you saw us before Kiki found you?

MATT: “You mean last night?”

LIAM: The last conversation we had.

LAURA: Okay, dinner?

MATT: “Dinner would have been the last time, yes.”

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: At this point, Allura thinks for a second. She goes, “I’m fairly certain that they can peer into the minds of those nearby and can read surface thoughts. It may know more secrets than you think it does, which makes it that much more important that we eliminate it.”

LIAM: Yeah, good. That guy is a liability.

SAM: We’ll put it on the list.

LAURA: I know. Right next to the dragons?

MARISHA: He could be following us for a while.

LIAM: He could rat us out to the dragons.

LAURA: (sighs)

LIAM: He’s fucking pissed off. He wants to hurt me, and now her, as badly as possible. All of you matter to us. I think the rakshasa comes before the dragons. Maybe not before the Vestiges, but on the list.

TALIESIN: If we can put some manpower towards discovering where he is and where he lies while we continue our search for the Vestiges, and then once we have a solid lead, we can follow it through.

MATT: “I can work on that.”

ASHLEY: Can I go over to the dead body that Kima threw into the middle of the room and cast Speak With Dead?

SAM: Ooh.

LIAM: (whispering) Yeah, girl.

TALIESIN: That’s a way to go.

TRAVIS: Is his face super crushed?

TRAVIS: Is it like (krsch) Halloween mask inside-out?

MATT: Yeah, it’s just smashed inward.

TRAVIS: Well hold on, let me reach into his mouth. And I reach up under his nasal cavity and I pop his face back out just a little bit.

SAM: Ugh.

LIAM: (zombie groans)

TRAVIS: It’s like a deflated soccer ball, right?

MATT: Yeah, it’s horrifying. Straight-up horrifying.

ASHLEY: Five questions.

SAM: Five questions?

LIAM: I thought it was three. Five? That’s good.

MATT: Okay. All right. So you have five questions you can ask the creature. As it sits there and you guys watch as Pike comes over in her robe and sits down next to it. You touch your symbol and reach out and touch the body. And all of a sudden, you watch as the chest rises again. “(rasping inhale)” You hear this horrible sucking sound as air is brought into the chest cavity. He doesn’t breathe out, he just holds the air in, and the deformed, wrecked, bone shard-pierced face that once was this assassin, which you can see now, it looks to be loosely elvish in appearance, or at least there’s some essence of elvish to its form, but the eyes are gone, the eyes are just mush. It slowly sits up and turns towards you, Pike, going, “(rasping groans)”

ASHLEY: Who sent you?

MATT: “(slowly) Hotis…”

ASHLEY: Hotis.

MATT: “…hired us.”

ASHLEY: What was -

LAURA, LIAM, AND TRAVIS: (overlapping) Hotis hired us.

ASHLEY: Hotis hired us. What is your organization?

MATT: “We run The Clasp in Stillben.”

SAM: Stillben.

TRAVIS: The Clasp in Stillben.

LAURA: Sheesh.

ASHLEY: Three more questions.

TRAVIS: How did the rakshasa know to find us here? How did Hotis know.

ASHLEY: How did Hotis know to find us here?

MATT: “I don’t know. He had information. He led us here. Instructed our strikes.”

SAM: How many men?

TALIESIN: How many of them were there?

ASHLEY: How many of you were there?

MATT: “We were 6 in total.”

LIAM: You’ve got one more question.

TALIESIN: Where were they all supposed to meet when everything was finished?

TRAVIS: Or who would know more than him?

LIAM: Who would know more?

LAURA: Who is his boss or something?

ASHLEY: Who his boss was?

TRAVIS: Or who does he report to?

LAURA: Within The Clasp. Who does he report to in The Clasp?

LIAM: Who gives you your orders?

ASHLEY: Who gives you your orders?

LAURA: (whispering) Within The Clasp.

ASHLEY: Within The Clasp?

MATT: (chuckling) That’s a fine -

LAURA: I have one job on this ship.

ASHLEY: I have one job -

LAURA AND TRAVIS: It’s stupid -

ASHLEY AND TRAVIS: (shouting) - but I’m going to do it!

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: So good.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: “Spireling Veekar. (groans)”

MARISHA: Veekar.

MATT: And with that, the last bit of air that had been trapped in the chest cavity has been utilized and the body (rasping groan) goes back to its still rest, no longer moving, no longer puppeteered by your divine energies.

TRAVIS: I’ll take care of this.

MARISHA: Veekar.

LAURA: Spireling Veekar.

TALIESIN: So I think we have 4 dead bodies. We’re missing 2, then?

LAURA: Wait, 4 dead bodies? Wait -

SAM: Wait, there’s Kashaw’s.

TALIESIN: Kashaw’s? Oh.

LAURA: Plus Kima’s.

TALIESIN: Mine, yours -

LAURA AND TALIESIN: Gilmore’s.

MATT: And Gilmore’s like, “(weak chuckle) I actually have one that’s pretty rough in my place right now.”

LIAM: He got Akira’d.

MATT: “I got a little angry.”

LAURA: Did you kill one or two?

MATT: “Oh, just one.”

MARISHA: So the only one that’s missing in action is the one that I shoved out the window?

TALIESIN: And we’re waiting for news on whether that one -

MATT: “Is there one that was left alive?”

MARISHA: Well, there was one that was shoved out a window, so hopefully he died.

MATT: “We’ll find out.”

TRAVIS: Hm. Sloppy.

LIAM: Broke his legs and his heart never woke.

MARISHA: I heard that, Grog.

TRAVIS: Oh. (ahem) I said. Super.

LAURA: (laughs) Good save.

MATT: “All right. Drinks? Please?”

TRAVIS: Yeah.

SAM: At some point, Percy, ask Gilmore about that robe.

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah. I still actually have it, it occurs to me. I haven’t put it down yet.

MATT: (laughs) He’s holding it like a pair of soiled underpants, all -

TALIESIN: I’ve actually been using Bad News like a -

MARISHA: Like a surrender flag?

TALIESIN: Like spindle. Like a bindle.

MARISHA: There you go.

TALIESIN: Hobo.

MARISHA: Hobo bindle.

TALIESIN: This was given to Vax. It was mystical. It was attached to your skin.

LIAM: Peeling the skin off my flesh.

MATT: “(shudders)” He takes it for a second. He puts his hand over and his eyes flicker for a second with a spark of arcane energy and he sits back. “No, this is indeed a cursed robe. It’s a Robe of Flaying.”

LAURA: A Robe of Flaying?!

TRAVIS: Flaying?

SAM AND LAURA: Gross.

ASHLEY: Yikes.

TRAVIS: Awesome.

SAM: Is it worth anything?

MATT: “(chuckles) To the right people, maybe.”

LIAM: The Clasp, yeah.

SAM: Well, why don’t you take it?

MATT: “Oh, I don’t want to have any hand in this type of business. "I’m sorry. I deal with above-the-board magical items. You’ve gone creative with me, but even that was relatively harmless. This slowly takes the skin off of its wearer. I don’t wish to have this part of my repertoire.”

ASHLEY: If we destroy it, though, would that hurt Vax?

MATT: “Well, if you’ve removed it from him, then the enchantment’s been broken.”

SAM: So does it - do you have to - anyone you put it on, it curses them?

LIAM: It sticks. It’s like fucking flypaper.

SAM: Keep that robe. (laughs) TRAVIS: Yeah. I’ll keep it.

LAURA: In the Bag of Holding?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah, it’s not a bad idea.

LAURA: Don’t play with it, Grog.

TRAVIS: Why?

LAURA: Just don’t put it on because you think it will be fun.

LIAM: You look way better mostly naked, so don’t -

TRAVIS: I’m not putting my bits where Vax’s were. I’ll just keep it in the Bag.

LIAM: Ow, that hurts my feelings.

LAURA: Percy?

TALIESIN: Yes?

LAURA: Are your guards very well-trained in tracking?

TALIESIN: I honestly don’t know. I haven’t been here. But we hunt. We are… everybody here hunts.

LAURA: Trinket has their scent. I mean, I can send him to help.

TALIESIN: That’s a great idea. That’s a brilliant idea. Yes, please. We also, I might add, in theory, have a wolf patrolling the area.

TRAVIS: Yes, Baldrick’s somewhere.

TALIESIN: And I’m sure he’s aware that there’s a commotion.

LIAM: I walk over to Gilmore for a second. Shaun, you know - sorry.

MATT: “Ah. Yes?”

LIAM: Wait, wait, wait. Hey, hand that over, big guy.

MATT: “But of course.”

LIAM: Yeah, thank you.

MATT: “You’ve certainly earned it.”

LIAM: You know everything about everything.

MATT: “(stuttering) I wouldn’t say I know everything about everything.”

LIAM: It’s close.

MATT: “Between the two of us,” and he motions toward Allura. “Pretty sure we know everything, but she more than I.”

LIAM: I can agree with that. We found this in a tomb.

LAURA: What are you pointing at?

SAM: His pec.

MARISHA: Your heart?

LAURA: Your boob?

LIAM: My fucking rock-hard pec. The ARMOR. I tap the armor, as you fucking very well knew, Laura Bailey. I kind of understand it. Can you tell anything about it?

LAURA: Other than the fact that it smells really bad?

LIAM: Shush, yeah, it does smell bad. Scanlan gave me some patchouli to rub on it, but it only does half the job. What can you tell me about it? It belonged to a god.

MATT: He takes a minute and walks around you, looking at the armor up and down. Looking at you up and down a little bit. But mostly at the armor. His eyes flare a few times with arcane sparks. “This is a powerful Vestige, my friend. This has existed for quite some time, and you’ve - well, there’s certainly a bit of dark divine energy around it. It looks like it has the capability to resist most elements when given the instruction, and it safeguards the life of the bearer and it looks like there’s some sort of a - Tell you what. Follow me.”

LIAM: Yeah?

MATT: And he stops and he goes, “It’s really me this time! Follow me.”

LIAM: I know it is.

MATT: “All right.” And he walks outside of the front of the castle to the walkway, stepping over the crimson smear that once was the one assassin. And he walks up to the edge of the sheer cliffs that are on each side of that walkway and the elevated, cleaved mountain the castle was built on. He walks up to the very edge with you and goes, “Do you trust me?”

LIAM: (quietly) I do.

MATT: As soon as you look down, you feel a thrust as he pushes you off the cliff. At that moment, you suddenly, instinctively, look up and from outside the back of the armor, (fwwsh) -

TRAVIS: What?!

MARISHA: Oh.

MATT: - these giant black raven wings spill out from the sides.

LAURA: Wait, so you could have flown when you came out of the dragon?

LIAM: Only if I know how to work it.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: You get the sense that this feature to the armor was only recently -

LAURA: Oh, shit.

TRAVIS: Oh, fucking shit.

TRAVIS: Get it, archangel.

MATT: You go from falling to swooping over the forest on the outside of Whitestone.

SAM: Oh, he’s The Crow! He’s The Crow!

LAURA: What the fuck? He can fly? HE can fucking fly?!

LIAM: After doing that, I double back and I fly up that same cliff and I lift Gilmore up in the sky.

MATT: “(startled noise)”

LIAM: (shouting) You fucking brilliant bastard! Thank you. Thank you. (sighs) This is embarrassing. I float us back down.

MATT: You can see he’s a little nervous, but he’s smiling. “(nervous laughter)”

LIAM: Sorry.

MATT: “Thank you. No, it’s all right. I would have been fine.”

LIAM: You are a dear, dear friend. You are a dear friend. And I give him a big diagonal hug. A long, strong hug.

MATT: He freezes for a moment, still figuring out his boundaries with the dynamic being what it is, but eventually he gives in and you feel his arms take you in as well, and you guys have this long, honest, connecting hug. And as this happens, the wings also wrap around and envelop the both of you.

TRAVIS: Good moment.

LAURA: (frustrated) It’s so ridiculous.

TRAVIS: He’s alive. Let it go.

MATT: And then time seems to pass for a minute and as you release him, the wings (fluttering sound) scatter into black feathers in the wind and disappear.

SAM: (whispering) Wow.

LAURA: (frustrated noise)

MATT: He steps away from you and you can see there’s just a little streak down the side of his face. And he reaches up and smacks you on the cheek a little bit. “Glad you’re all right.”

LIAM: I am a great ally to you. And if you need any favors, I am your friend.

MATT: “That goes both ways. Don’t forget that.”

LAURA: I walk up and I -

LIAM: Ow! Where were you, what the fuck - oh, you’re -

LAURA: You flying fuck. You flying fuck!

LIAM: I forgot you were a rogue. Yeah…

LAURA: (angry noise) I mean, congratulations, it’s really cool!

LIAM: That broom is really cool. That you stole.

LAURA: If I didn’t fall off of it. You have fucking wings! Jesus. I walk away.

LIAM: Vex'ahlia.

MATT: (laughs)

LIAM: I follow her and I stop her and I give her a hug and I say, “I love you.”

LAURA: (angry groan)

LIAM: I love you. I love you. I love you. (whispering) And I’ll be less of a fuckwit lately, I promise.

LAURA: Really?

LIAM: (whispering) Yeah.

LAURA: All right.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: I love you, too. I’m glad you’re not dead.

MARISHA: Keyleth has been in the door frame, watching all this happen. I’m in the door frame.

TALIESIN: I’m slowly - I’m going to walk in and have a moment and look Vax over.

LIAM: Hey, Shaun? Once in a while? All the time?

MATT: “Oh, that’s once every dawn, that can return to you.”

LAURA: Oh. I’m glad I didn’t push you off the cliff! I almost did. Wow, good to know.

MATT: (laughing) That would have been really funny.

LIAM: That would have been hilarious.

TRAVIS: Holy shit. Holy shit.

ASHLEY: (laughs) You dick. (gasps)

MATT: It’s for up to an hour, it can last, just so you’re aware. But once per day, you give yourself a fly speed of 60.

LIAM: 60. Same speed as my sister.

LAURA: No, I’m less, aren’t I?

LIAM: Thank you, Shaun-slash-Matt.

TALIESIN: There’s one last thing. And I walk up and I look you over and I pull out the raven head cloak clasp and I pin it to hold the cloak together. And it’s very deep, pitted silver with a slight ruby tinge to it. And it smells FABULOUS. And it smells better the more you sweat. And it smells of the Raven Queen’s temple. Now talk to Keyleth. I’m counting on you. Good luck. And I walk away.

LIAM: (yelling after him) You’re hard to read, man!

TALIESIN: I know!

TRAVIS: Cask of ale is out and the ale is flowing.

LAURA: Oh, shit! Shit. Tracking the guy.

SAM: Have the guards reported yet?

MATT: By this time, some of the guards have come back, reporting that they haven’t seen anything yet. There are folks that were following the tracks into the forest, but the tracks have mostly gone cold. Whoever it is knows how to not be found. It’s part of their job.

SAM: You could spend the night tracking him.

LAURA: I could.

SAM: Or we could just drink.

MARISHA: Or we could just drink. We know who the fucker was. We know who he’s going back to.

TRAVIS: Yep.

LAURA: We know he’s going back to Stillben.

MARISHA: To Spireling Veekar. We know where he’s headed.

TALIESIN: You guys are going to drink for a bit?

LIAM: I’ll do whatever you do.

TALIESIN: I’m going to go out past the wall and see if I can yell for the wolf.

MARISHA: Galdrick.

TALIESIN: Galdrick.

MATT: Galdrick. All right.

TALIESIN: I’m bringing a swath from one of the -

MATT: Okay. You shout out for about 10, 15 minutes or so before you hear a distant howl. (howl)

TALIESIN: Galdrick!

MATT: A few more moments pass before you hear (panting). Coming up from the outside of the forest, the large gray dark wolf. (padding footfalls)

TALIESIN: I show the blood-soaked chunk.

MATT: “(sniffs)”

TALIESIN: There were six. Now there’s one. If you find him, we would be forever grateful.

MATT: “(licks chops)” Licks his deep, pearly-white bladed incisors and turns around and - “(grunts)” - takes off into the forest at triple-speed.

TALIESIN: Now I’m going to go up and have a drink.

TRAVIS: Triple-speed, damn. That’s a fast-ass wolf.

MATT: All right. You all at these twilight hours find yourselves gathering your friends and allies for a long-needed drink until the sun begins to rise. You all appreciate the friendship that you’ve maintained, the survival of those that were endangered, and eventually find yourself, rather tipsy, finding your way back to bed, this time with quadruple the guards at the door -

LAURA: Fully armored.

MATT: - of each of your rooms, resting. We’ll take a quick break. We’ll be back here to get to the next bit of this episode. See you guys here in a few minutes.

Break
[Critical Role resumes at 2:34:15]

Part II
MATT: Welcome back! So. As you guys find yourself having a good night’s sleep, waking up restfully around midday to the early afternoon here in Whitestone. Everyone except for you, Vax. You, as you went to sleep, found, as opposed to a restful night, especially given the circumstance, a perpetual onslaught of terrible nightmares recapping the events of the night before with alternate possibilities, looking and seeing Gilmore plunging the blade into your stomach, seeing your friends and family torn apart by demons called forth by this rakshasa returning for vengeance. You were tossing and turning and woke up sweaty. Unfortunately, you do not get the benefits of a full rest. So you’re still at the hit point value that you had before.

LIAM: And I can’t use hit dice, right?

ASHLEY: What?

MATT: You can use hit dice.

LIAM: I can use hit dice?

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I can also heal you.

LIAM: I think it might be more than that. I feel weird. I feel really weird. I’m going to have some - I’m going to have - What’s the D&D term for Bloody Mary? I need a mimosa or a Bloody Mary and I’m going to take a rest.

MARISHA: A little hair of the dog?

LIAM: And use some hit dice.

TRAVIS: Technically, hair of the dog would be poisoning him again this morning.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah. Yeah.

TRAVIS: Which we can do.

MARISHA: Which we could do. You never know.

MATT: You actually take the time to go ahead and rest up, and even then, your body’s just restless.

LIAM: Hit dice does nothing?

MATT: You find yourself unable to spend those, either. You’re basically rocking in place and playing over the imagery in your mind over and over again, and there’s a perpetual cold sweat across your brow.

LAURA: Can I go knock on his door in the morning?

LAURA: Can I knock?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Brother?

LIAM: What?

LAURA: Sorry. I don’t mean to disturb you. I just feel really guilty. I just wanted to say sorry for being mad at you for being able to fly, because I’m actually really impressed and proud of you, and I’m glad you’re not dead. Is all I wanted to say.

LIAM: I open the door, scratching my arm.

LAURA: What the fuck is wrong with you?

LIAM: I don’t feel very well.

LAURA: You smell better.

LIAM: (sighs) I’m just going to ignore that. Could you do me a favor, if you really feel so special to me. Could you get Allura for me, maybe? Send Allura to my room.

LAURA: I mean, yeah, she’s not in the castle, but I can find -

LIAM: Where does she - where is - yeah, you’ve got a broom. Could you go fly over there?

LAURA: Yeah, no fucking -

LIAM: You can fly as much as you want, all day. All day long, right?

LAURA: This is true. I will go find Allura for you as an apology for being a dick last night. And I fly off and I go try to find Allura.

MATT: You come to Allura’s home -

LIAM: I go have diarrhea in the chamber pot in my room.

MATT: Okay. Ugh.

TRAVIS: Talk to your daggers while you do it.

MARISHA: (laughs) Yeah.

MATT: You make your way back to the house where Allura’s been staying and knock on the door. Door opens. Kima’s there.

LAURA: Oh. Hi, dear.

MATT: “Hi. You guys rest okay? Everything all right?”

LAURA: Oh, yes -

MATT: “Any problems?” She grabs her maul from the side of the door.

LAURA: No, no, everything’s great. Is Allura in here, as well?

MATT: “Yeah, she’s - would you like some coffee?”

LAURA: I would love some.

MATT: As you come inside, you can smell coffee brewing.

MARISHA: I’ve got time.

MATT: You see Allura comes out of the kitchen area of this home that she’s staying in. “Oh, hi!”

LAURA: Hi!

MATT: “I’ll get another cup.”

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: And she leaves.

LIAM: Does she have that beautiful but messy morning hair that takes two hours to prep for a movie?

MATT: Actually, no. Her hair is perfect.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah. I’m sure.

LAURA: Of course it is.

LIAM: Fucking wizards.

LAURA: Prestidigitation.

(all laugh)

MARISHA: Fucking blow-outs every morning.

MATT: No, she - yeah. Way too well put together for being this early in the conscious day.

LAURA: I look at Kima. How the fuck does she do it?

MATT: “I know, you’re telling me, right?”

LAURA: Right?

MATT: “It’s obnoxious. (sighs)”

LIAM: (singing) I say bitch…

MARISHA: (cracks up)

MATT: She brings coffee back and sets it in the center of this serving table for guests. You start drinking the coffee. It’s very well put on, nice and sweet. "So, what -”

LAURA: Oh! I forgot. I came here for a reason. My brother is shaken up from last night, and I think he might be a little worried about - I don’t know, he sent me to find you. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on, but he looked terrible, and he thought maybe you would be able to help?

MATT: “It was a very rough night.”

LIAM: I mean, you’re not a cleric, but - I don’t know, he seemed to think he could use your help.

MATT: “Let’s go have a look, then.” And so they go ahead and they walk back with you.

LAURA: I’m going to catch up. You get a head start. I’m just going to get some more coffee.

MATT: (laughs) It’s good coffee.

TRAVIS: You hear a whisper from the coffee mug saying, “I own you.”

(all laugh)

LAURA: I know you do, darling. I know you do.

ASHLEY: You didn’t perception check the cup!

LIAM: Find my dominoes. They’re here.

ASHLEY: What’s he looking up?

LAURA: I don’t know.

MATT: Eventually, you’ve found your way wandering through the hall to get some food, sunken sockets. Grog passes by you in the hallway, and you see Vax, hand against the wall, walking by, looking dazed and a little weary.

TRAVIS: You all right, mate?

LIAM: I’ve got the shits.

TRAVIS: Oh. Like, the shits or the twirls?

LIAM: Bad - what’s the difference?

TRAVIS: The shits it’s just one end, the other, both. North, south, all at the same time. It’s like a relay race.

LIAM: I know what you mean now. Yes.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LIAM: Well, I was just - you know, I might be crossing that threshold. And I jump into a side door -

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: - and send it out both sides. Two exits, no waiting.

MATT: Oh.

TRAVIS: (laughing) Oh, shit. Amazing.

ASHLEY: (dryly) Wow, I’ve never heard of that.

MATT: You proudly hear, through the doorway.

LIAM: This happened to me when I was six, by the way. I’m talking about Liam, not Vax.

TRAVIS: If you’ve had the twirls, you never forget them.

MATT: All right. As time passes, eventually your sister, Allura, and Kima make their way towards you to go ahead and check in.

LAURA: Is he still in the toilet or did he get out yet?

MATT: He’s made his way out.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Allura takes a look at you. “You certainly don’t look well.”

LIAM: (hoarsely) I’m having really bad - I had bad dreams all night long. I relived the moment from last night and I’ve got really bad… bathroom etiquette. MATT: “It might be lingering enchantment from the robe. Let me try something.” And she pulls back and thumbs mentally through some sort of index in her head and brings her hand up. “Eras to no est.” And begins drawing this strange glyph in the air, that where her finger traces, you can see a slight sparkle falls behind before it forges some sort of a letter that you don’t recognize, and it passes through you (foomf), and as it gets through, you can’t help but to get pushed back for a second. “Do you feel any different?”

LIAM: (fart noise)

MATT: No change, from what you can tell. Still just… bad place.

LIAM: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. (sighs) I’m new to this, but - Can I cast Lay on Hands on myself?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Pray to my god. It’s the worst. Can you help?

MATT: The effect hits and intends to remove any poison, disease circumstance. No change in physical presence.

LIAM: (whispering) Fuck.

ASHLEY: (whispering) What the fuck?

MATT: “Kima, have you any ideas?” “Here! Let me have a look at you.” She pulls you down to her position, just pushing your eyelids open.

TRAVIS: Yeah, be very thorough.

MATT: “Grog, do you want to help me with this?”

TRAVIS: Yep, absolutely. Open your mouth, stick out your tongue.

LIAM: You’re not going to slip me the digit, are you?

TRAVIS: Stick out your tongue!

MATT: “I’m not going to.”

TRAVIS: I grab his tongue.

LIAM: Aaah!

TRAVIS: Kima, you see anything in there? Any bumps? Mumps?

LIAM: (groans)

MATT: “Just seems tired to me.”

TRAVIS: Pull his tongue a little bit more.

LIAM: Aaah! (garbled) Grog!

TRAVIS: I release, I release.

LIAM: Ohhh, fuck.

ASHLEY: Can I wake up and come out into the hallway?

MARISHA: I’ll join Pike.

MATT: You guys walk out and see as Allura sits back with a slight chuckle next to Vex, as you see both Grog and Kima manhandling a very exhausted-looking Vax in the center of the hallway.

LIAM: Oh, it’s funny to you, eh?

ASHLEY: What are you guys looking for?

TRAVIS: Oh, Vax doesn’t feel well. He shit and puked all over the area in the back.

MARISHA: Oh no!

ASHLEY: Can I check him?

MARISHA: Was it the crab cakes?

LIAM: I didn’t have those.

MATT: You want to make a Medicine check?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I ate them, and I was fine.

MARISHA: Really? The crab cakes messed with me a little.

SAM: I’m reading this whole time. Just reading and reading.

MATT: You hear this echo in the distance of him shitting himself. And you’re like, “eh.”

ASHLEY: 23.

MATT: 23. You push Kima aside and take a very intense look at his body.

ASHLEY: Move aside, move aside, move aside.

MATT: “Oh.” Very intense look over. Physically, there does not appear to be any ailment to him, whatsoever. There are traces of exhaustion in him, and you do have a point of exhaustion, by the way, for a lack of evening’s rest. But there’s no signs of onset of splotchiness or diseases. There’s no pulsing or darkened vein marks. Nothing physical.

ASHLEY: No poison?

MARISHA: What did you try on him, Pike?

ASHLEY: Medicine check.

LAURA: Are you cursed? Is he cursed?

MARISHA: I go up to Vax. Does he still have the brooch on?

MATT: The brooch that was given to him by Percy.

MARISHA: I look at it.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I can tell you what is in there. It’s nothing fancy.

TRAVIS: You’re killing him.

MARISHA: Is this the skull I gave you?

TALIESIN: Well, it’s a cast of - the skull you gave me is still in my bag.

MARISHA: You cast it? Wow.

TALIESIN: I did.

MARISHA: That’s impressive.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

LAURA: My brother, puking his guts out.

MARISHA: Sorry.

LIAM: Not right now (retch).

TALIESIN: Oh, god.

MARISHA: Ooh. Allura, what did you try?

TALIESIN: Did he just throw up everywhere?

LIAM: No, I stopped it. (moans)

TALIESIN: Let it out. Let it out.

MATT: “I attempted to dispel, in case there was any spell that was still sustained on him.”

MARISHA: Kima, did you try Restoration?

MATT: Kima goes, “Not really my specialty at the moment. My apologies.”

ASHLEY: I’ll do it. I’ll do it.

MARISHA: I’ve got Greater Restoration learned.

ASHLEY: We could try.

MARISHA: Pike and I will tag-team a Greater Restoration.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: (groans)

TRAVIS: Percy, if you’re feeling gross, you can imagine - go examine the leftovers over there.

TALIESIN: Is there some vomit in the corner?

TRAVIS: Yep, yep. Just make sure you crawl in on your hands and knees.

TALIESIN: I’m going to go poke at it just to see if there’s anything in there that looks funny.

LIAM: Only some of it is vomit.

TALIESIN: I’m well-aware. I have siblings, I’ve seen this before.

LIAM: (laughs)

MATT: And so as Percy has wandered off at this time, you guys both hold hands and channel, through both of your abilities, the Greater Restoration spell. Suddenly, you feel like this dark hook that was in the center of your being is lifted. And as it dissipates, you’re still exhausted, and still lost an entire evening’s worth of rest, but whatever was keeping you in that nightmarish realm of stasis seems to have been dispelled.

LIAM: How’s my intestines?

MATT: Better. Tired. Your midsection is very sore from the constant flexing.

MARISHA: Did Pike and I notice anything when we ripped out this darkness from his chest?

MATT: You gather that there was some curse that had taken hold of his body.

LAURA: Ah! He was cursed.

ASHLEY: Yeah, he was cursed.

MARISHA: Like, by the rakshasa, probably?

MATT: You gather, probably something to do with the rakshasa, yeah.

LAURA: Grog, can I have your jug for a moment?

TRAVIS: Why?

LAURA: I just want to get some water.

TRAVIS: What kind of water?

LAURA: Regular-ass water.

TRAVIS: I’ll do it.

LAURA: Not ass-water. Just regular water.

TRAVIS: Could I have some ass-water, please?

LAURA: No, no. Just regular water, Grog.

ASHLEY: No, Grog.

TRAVIS: Regular water, please?

MATT: Jug fills up with clear, cool water.

LAURA: Drink this.

LIAM: All of it?!

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Are you sure that won’t make me throw up, as well?

LAURA: You’re very dehydrated, seriously.

ASHLEY: As much as you can.

TALIESIN: There’s no signs of poisoning in any of the remains, is there?

LIAM: (gulping sounds)

MATT: No. In fact, you spend probably a good 3 to 4 minutes pushing through Vax refuse while nobody else has thought to actually come and stop you when they’ve already figured out what the problem was.

TALIESIN: That’s fine.

MARISHA: Hey, Percy!

TRAVIS: He still feels bad, keep looking!

MARISHA: Hey, Percy, you find anything? Sorry, haven’t found anything yet, Percy. Keep going. It might be clues.

TALIESIN: It will take - if I don’t see anything in 3 minutes -

MATT: Roll a medicine check.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: Awful people. That’s a 14.

TRAVIS: Find a toy car…

MATT: It seems fairly standard bile and excrement.

TALIESIN: Nothing, nothing, no poison.

MARISHA: Find anything, Percy?

TALIESIN: (annoyed) No.

MARISHA: Oh. Maybe you should keep looking.

MATT: No signs of parasites, nothing.

LIAM: Are there any feathers?

LAURA: Percival!

MATT: There is one feather.

MARISHA: Do a litmus test. Is it basic or acid? We don’t know.

LAURA: Percival, stop. He was cursed.

TALIESIN: I can actually have everybody killed in their sleep. This is actually one of the perks of sleeping here. I don’t even have to do it myself. I come out and I’m -

TRAVIS: Are you done with the jug? Can I have that back, please?

TALIESIN: (shudders)

TRAVIS: Thank you.

LIAM: Grog, does that thing make mimosas?

LAURA: Oh!

MARISHA: Ooh!

TRAVIS: Mimosas?

LAURA: Or Bloody Marys?

TALIESIN: Mimosas.

TRAVIS: Well, there’s one way to find out. Mimosas, please.

MATT: No effect.

TRAVIS: Shit.

LAURA: Ask for Bloody Marys. Bloody Marys.

TRAVIS: Bloody Marys, please.

MATT: No effect.

TRAVIS: Fuck!

LAURA: Does it not work anymore? Ask for mayonnaise.

TRAVIS: Look, you put a lot of stress on it, all right? It made your ass-water just fine.

ASHLEY: Can you ask for some ale?

TRAVIS: No, I think it only works for a little bit every day.

LAURA: Aw.

TRAVIS: You could try it.

ASHLEY: Ale?

LAURA: Please.

MATT: (fwssh) Fills with dark ale.

TRAVIS: Holy shit, you’re magic!

MARISHA: Oh, we just found a loophole!

LAURA: Good job!

TRAVIS: (laughing) Monster magic!

ASHLEY: I drink some and then pass it over.

SAM: Does it make mixed drinks?

TALIESIN: We hardly can make cocktails.

LAURA: Oh, that’s probably bad for you right now, but that’s all right.

TALIESIN: No, this breakfast beer is perfectly reasonable.

MARISHA: It needs to go to a bartending class.

ASHLEY: Hair of the wolf.

TALIESIN: His face touched that. I’m just dipping in.

LIAM: So studious.

TRAVIS: Oh, you’re reading.

MATT: At this point, you hear a guard’s voice shout, “Hail, Vox Machina! Downstairs, please.”

TALIESIN: Oh, god.

TRAVIS: We did your - give me the jug. Don’t you fucking hold onto that, Percy, you give it back right now.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: I take one more big sip and toss it at him.

LIAM: Oh, catch it!

TRAVIS: I catch it.

MATT: Scanlan, are you still reading this morning?

SAM: I mean, I’d tell everyone, “Call me if it’s important. I’ve got to do this.”

MATT: Okay. Did you get a full night’s rest, though?

SAM: I did.

MATT: Okay, yeah, so your exhaustion point is gone. All right. So you guys head downstairs.

TRAVIS: Yep.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: As you get there, the front gates to Whitestone castle - no, the front doors to the main entranceway are partially open and the guards are waiting there as you see a shadow step in from the outside daylight.

LAURA: It’s a guy?

MARISHA: I light up my hands in defense.

MATT: You see step inside to the center of the castle, a very large, dark-furred wolf carrying something within his jaws.

TRAVIS: Good boy.

MATT: Drops down on the ground another dark-cloaked figure.

MARISHA: Is he still alive?

MATT: He is not alive. There is a snapped neck on this individual.

LAURA: Good job!

MATT: You can see a series of scrapes across the face. This person, as you go and inspect, had been rushing quickly through the forest and had taken a number of small injuries in the haste to escape. However, could not escape the ever-watching vigil.

ASHLEY: Ah!

LAURA: Fuck, yeah.

TRAVIS: I mean, we might as well let him keep his prize.

TALIESIN: Oh, it’s all his. Check the body for bits and then the rest is his.

LAURA: I want to check the body to see if I can find anything useful.

MATT: Okay, yeah. You actually find about 320 gold pieces on the body.

SAM: Did we inspect any of the other bodies?

MARISHA: No, we didn’t.

LAURA: There was a lot going on.

MATT: You find 6 vials of poison.

LAURA: Whoa.

LIAM: Give that shit to me.

SAM: What kind? Just poison?

MARISHA: Fuck yeah.

MATT: You’re not too familiar with poisons. Vax would be. He could have a look at it.

LAURA: And you said 300 gold?

TRAVIS: 320.

MATT: 300 gold. And you find what looks to be a fist-sized glass sphere.

LAURA: A what-sized glass sphere?

MARISHA: Glass sphere?

MATT: Fist-sized glass sphere, about that big.

TALIESIN: It might be a gazing sphere. Be careful. Keep it under cover. Keep it wrapped in something.

LIAM: I want to walk out towards our beast here and hold out my hand.

MATT: He walks up to you. (sniffs) Smells your hand, and steps into it. He head-butts the palm of your hand and then runs his head under it.

ASHLEY: Oh. Percy, can I touch him?

MATT: There’s a familiar scent. You can see there’s an immediate familiarity with you that wasn’t there before.

LAURA: Oh, it’s the Raven Queen. Her champion.

LIAM: I just scrooch under his giant neck. You want to be friends with me?

MATT: You can see the eyes, dark and piercing into you. “(grunts)”

LIAM: You be strong, I’ll be fast. You be strong and fast. I’ll be fast.

(shooka shooka shooka)

TRAVIS: Go give him a pet, Pike.

ASHLEY: Can I put my hand out to him?

MATT: He glances towards you.

LIAM: She’s all right. She’s all right.

MATT: You put your hand out?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: “(sniff sniff)” He sniffs your hand. “(snorts)”

ASHLEY: Oh! Can I try scratching at his ear?

MATT: You do, and he seems to begrudgingly give into it.

ASHLEY: (laughs) I go, “Ohhh.”

(all laugh)

ASHLEY: I love him.

TRAVIS: Sourpuss.

LAURA: Can I check out the sphere that I’m looking at?

TRAVIS: Baldrick, thank you. You are free to do with this as you will.

MATT: “(grunt, chomp)” He picks it up in his jaws again and starts walking outside. Spits it on the outside of the grounds, rolling off the edge. It doesn’t go completely off, but one of the legs is dangling off the side, and the guards wait there, then take it and pull it away. The wolf’s not going to eat the dead body. But it’s done. He’s done his job. He takes it out of the castle, gets it out of your way, and then begins to step back down the walkway path south of the castle, making his way back towards Whitestone and the surrounding forest.

TALIESIN: Good boy. Good boy.

LAURA: I shake it.

MATT: You shake it. You actually look inside. There’s a cloudy liquid at the center of it. When it was at rest, it had no real motion, but as you shake it, it swirls on the inside.

LAURA: Oh, shit! I made something happen.

LIAM: Bloop. Outlook shady.

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: You found a magic 8-ball!

TRAVIS: Signs point to yes.

LIAM: (laughs)

TALIESIN: We’ll stop by Gilmore’s on our way back up to the front hall.

LAURA: Allura, do you know what this is?

MATT: She takes a look at it. There’s a little sparkle of arcane energy in her eyes again. You’re starting to get the theme here. There is a specific spell that she’s using to identify these objects. You’ve seen it done before. She takes a look at it and goes, “Well, I can see why this would be very useful for a member of the Clasp. It’s a Scrying Eye.” And she throws it back to you.

LAURA: (gasps)

MARISHA: It’s a scry - what?

LIAM AND SAM: A Scrying Eye.

LAURA: A Scrying Eye?

MARISHA: Oh, yeah. Sure.

MATT: When you take, essentially, 10 minutes to focus on the eye, you can scry as per the spell. But it can only be used for 10 minutes and it cannot be used until the next dawn.

MARISHA: Can it be used by anybody?

MATT: Well, in theory. You’ll have to find out.

TALIESIN: And what can it see, precisely?

LAURA: This fist-sized glass sphere -

MATT: Anything a scrying spell could.

MARISHA: It works like scrying.

LAURA: You can scry… Oh, you can scry for anything.

MATT: As per the spell. Once per day.

LIAM: What she does to waste a spell, you can do as a freebie. And you’re so nosy, so it’s perfect for you.

LAURA: It actually is really perfect.

TALIESIN: That’s disquieting. Excellent.

LAURA: I really, really like this thing. MATT: You can see Allura. Her face gets a little stern at this. “This is precisely the issue we have here. If they could scry information, anyone can. Which is why I’m going to get with Gilmore and go and get together with the rest of the arcane minds here in Whitestone, and we’re going to try to ward this place from any sort of intrusion. If possible, I’d like to blanket this entire area with illusion. I’d like it so those who should not know that Whitestone even exists do not.”

LIAM: Is there anything we can do to help?

MATT: “Honestly, do what you’re doing. Although, I may need some aid from you, there.” And she looks towards you, Pike, and says, “If we’re going to find out where this rakshasa is and how to head it off at the pass in the coming weeks, I think your divine nature would be of great aid. You and Keeper Yennan. Between the two of you, I think we could map out a plot to head it off at the pass, and when you return and are ready, head into the hells ourselves and take it down while there’s still time.”

ASHLEY: I would be glad to help.

MATT: “All right.”

ASHLEY: It’s okay. I can come back to you guys at any time.

LIAM: What do you mean?

MARISHA: But you’re so important, Pike.

ASHLEY: Well, I don’t know.

MARISHA: We tend to need you a lot.

LAURA: We can give her one of the stones.

MARISHA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Any time you need me. (laughs) Ish. I will try to be there.

LAURA: (laughs)

LIAM: Here. You take this.

ASHLEY: A sending stone?

LIAM: Should you need us.

LAURA: Yeah, should you need us.

ASHLEY: Oh.

MARISHA: I have the other one, currently.

ASHLEY: Okay. I’ll keep this with me.

MARISHA: Okay.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you keep practicing to be a monster.

ASHLEY: Okay, I will, Grog.

TRAVIS: Okay.

ASHLEY: I’m a monster!

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: So you write down “gate stone” on your inventory.

TALIESIN: (quietly) She’s staying in Whitestone while we do our work. (louder) Thank you for keeping my home safe.

ASHLEY: You’re welcome.

TALIESIN: Thank you. (sighs)

MARISHA: Well, at least it’s not as far as Vasselheim.

TRAVIS: No.

LAURA: That’s true.

ASHLEY: No, it’s not.

TALIESIN: We won’t be gone long.

ASHLEY: No. And maybe I’ll meet you very soon.

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I’ll just help out where I can. We got him once. I can get him again.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: (cackles)

ASHLEY: (laughs)

MATT: “As you can.”

TRAVIS: Dragon-slayer and Rakshasa-slayer.

ASHLEY: I’m a monster.

MATT: “All right. Where are you off to, then?”

TALIESIN: I’d say one more proper night’s sleep, then into the Feywild.

LAURA: The Feywild.

TRAVIS: Feywild?

TALIESIN: We’ve seen what the Vestiges can be. I think they’re… terribly important. And we can return from the Feywild immediately and in theory, be right back here when we’re finished, and perhaps by then we’ll have an avenue of attack to this rakshasa.

LAURA: And we can just pop on in there because of you, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Yes.

LIAM: We’re going to make you a beast.

LAURA: Oh. Sure.

MARISHA: Beefing up the twins.

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Beast.

LAURA: Let’s find it.

MARISHA: I go up to Pike. Can we take a quick walk?

ASHLEY: Of course.

MARISHA: Before we take off?

TALIESIN: I figure we would take one full night’s sleep -

MARISHA: Before I take us in? Okay.

TALIESIN: We leave at dawn?

ASHLEY: We plan at dawn?

MARISHA: Plan at dawn? (laughs)

TALIESIN: We plan at dawn.

MARISHA: We plan to leave at dawn.

TALIESIN: We plan to leave at dawn.

TRAVIS: You thought it was stupid when I said it, but what?

ASHLEY: They learned.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Right on thirty is fine, if you say 9:00, 9:30.

MARISHA: Yeah. 9:00, 9:30. We plan ahead.

TALIESIN: Barring traffic.

MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to take a walk with Pike.

LAURA: You just have a Trapper-Keeper full of appointments?

MATT: You just walk down the path from Whitestone castle?

MARISHA: Yeah, whatever. We take a nice stroll around the Sun Tree.

MATT: All right, so you guys start making your way down towards Whitestone proper. As you walk along the way…

MARISHA: I don’t know, really, how to start this conversation. (sighs) I guess I just wanted to talk to you, and maybe you can give a little bit of insight and help clear my head.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MARISHA: And I didn’t think about it until we were in Scanlan’s spa the other day, and you said you were really confused, and I’m really confused, and I didn’t know you were confused because I feel like if I knew you were confused, then I wouldn’t feel so bad about being confused because we’re confused together.

ASHLEY: I feel confused… all the time.

MARISHA: Do you? I do, too!

ASHLEY: Yes! Just in a perpetual state of confusion.

MARISHA: The world is so big.

ASHLEY: I think that’s just what life is.

MARISHA: (sighs) Right. The world’s really big.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARISHA: Very confusing.

LAURA AND LIAM: (laugh)

MARISHA: I guess I just - I’ve always respected you and looked up to you, and… you’re a cleric of Sarenrae, but you still seem to be very much in control of your life and your destiny, and you seem to know where you’re going.

(boxes fall offscreen)

MARISHA: Fucking… (shouts) Assassin!

MATT: You look around and you see a boy holding a wheelbarrow nearby is picking up a bunch of fruit that had fallen out. “I’m terribly sorry. Didn’t mean to bother you.” He puts them back in and keeps wheeling on.

ASHLEY: It’s all right. It’s okay.

MARISHA: I’ve always loved, “My cabbages!”

MATT: “My cabbages!” Yes.

MARISHA: Anyway, Sorry, it was distract - loud noises.

ASHLEY: It’s okay. I feel like maybe I just look that way, because I don’t feel like I have much of anything together, or know where I’m going.

MARISHA: (laughs) I guess that’s probably all of us.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARISHA: I guess I just - I’m a little curious on how your relationship with Sarenrae works, because it doesn’t necessarily seem like she… is in control of you.

ASHLEY: No.

MARISHA: Or has dominion over you.

ASHLEY: It’s an interesting thing. I think… She just helps when we need her, or when I need her, and I think for the rest of the time, She just -

MARISHA: Does her own thing?

ASHLEY: - does her own thing.

MARISHA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: It was interesting going to the Temple of the Raven Queen. She seems… very interesting to me.

MARISHA: How do you mean?

ASHLEY: I don’t know.

MARISHA: Like more…

ASHLEY: She’s just very involved.

MARISHA: Involved? Yeah.

ASHLEY: But maybe that’s - maybe that’s because Vax has fully given himself to Her.

MARISHA: Would you say you haven’t fully given yourself to Sarenrae?

ASHLEY: (hesitantly) I think I try to, but there’s always that little part of me that thinks… or has doubt? So I don’t know.

MARISHA: Growing up in the Ashari tribe, we were taught that the gods mind their own business and we mind our own. I don’t have any disrespect for them, but also want to… tread lightly.

ASHLEY: Yeah. I think that’s a very good way to handle it.

MARISHA: Okay. I don’t know. I guess I don’t know what I really wanted to find. I guess misery loves company.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARISHA: It feels better knowing I’m not the only one confused.

ASHLEY: Yes, there are two confused souls in the world. I’m sure there are so many more.

MARISHA: I confuse you?

ASHLEY: Yeah. (laughs) Hugs.

MARISHA: Hugs. Well. I’m beginning to get the idea that we’re going to be intermingling with gods a little bit more, so.

ASHLEY: I think we will.

MARISHA: I guess it’s something I’m going to have to start getting comfortable with.

ASHLEY: I think you should. And I think… you should get comfortable with Vax.

LAURA: (laughs)

MARISHA: (embarrassed) Oh!

ASHLEY: I think he really fancies you.

MARISHA: (weakly) Uh-huh?

ASHLEY: But don’t be scared.

MARISHA: I’m so terrified.

ASHLEY: Just know that things are not forever…

MARISHA: (sighs) I think that’s my fear.

ASHLEY: And just have fun, you know?

MARISHA: (weak laughter) I haven’t had fun in a long time.

ASHLEY: Well, you should.

MARISHA: I should.

ASHLEY: We all need a little fun. (chuckles) Well, I’ll see you very soon.

MARISHA: You’re always with us, wherever we go.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MARISHA: (sighs)

ASHLEY: I love you.

MARISHA: I love you.

SAM: When I heard she was leaving, I went out looking for Pike, and I’ve come up to where they are.

MATT: They’re both standing at the northern base of the Sun Tree in the center of the town square. You see them hugging and give each other a kiss on the cheek.

SAM: (out of breath) Oh, sorry.

MARISHA: (shouting) Assassin!

SAM: No, no, it’s me. It’s me. It’s me. Sorry. Sorry.

ASHLEY: Oh.

MARISHA: Haa - sure.

SAM: There was a very frightened child over there with a bunch of fruit.

(all laugh)

ASHLEY: Oh, he just -

MARISHA: I might have screamed in his face.

ASHLEY: Yeah, we thought he was an assassin.

MARISHA: Assassin, yeah.

SAM: He was crying. Maybe you should go - here, take a gold piece. Why don’t you go buy something from him?

MARISHA: Okay, yeah. What do you want? You want some limes? Some grapefruit?

SAM: I love a good lime.

MARISHA: You love a good lime? I’ll go to him and get some limes.

ASHLEY: See if he has a Choco Taco or -

MARISHA: Yeah, sure, yeah! Yeah, yeah, okay. I’m going to go to the kid.

MATT: Choco Taco, by the way, is Draconic for a fine cheese sandwich in Wildmount. It’s a delicacy.

MARISHA: It’s like one of those traveling food carts? You’ve got to track them on social media to see where he’s going to be?

MATT: Keyleth skips off in the direction -

ASHLEY: Love you, Kiki!

SAM: Pike, sorry. I didn’t know we were parting ways.

ASHLEY: I know. Maybe it won’t be for long, but I think I should stay.

SAM: Well, I respect that. I just wanted to - before we bid adieu, I wanted - I can’t believe we’re leaving you again. It’s so sad.

ASHLEY: I know.

SAM: But I just wanted to clear the air a bit. You know, a short while ago, I proposed marriage. I’ve been thinking about it a lot -

ASHLEY: I know. I did not forget.

SAM: - and I hope you have been, too.

ASHLEY: Yes. I have been thinking about it so much.

MARISHA: About this time, I take the limes and I go, “(shouting) Hey, Pike! Look! Fun!” As I juggle them. I’m having fun! (forced laughter)

ASHLEY: I’m proud of you!

TALIESIN: I feel that this is a skill check. No. I spent too long in high school learning how to juggle. Skill check.

MATT: Make an acrobatics check.

MARISHA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: No! That’s not how it works.

MARISHA: Fuck you, Percy, you’re not here!

TALIESIN: (laughs)

TRAVIS: It’s off the table. It’s an automatic fail.

MARISHA: It landed on a -

LIAM: It’s a fudge. It landed on a blanket on an angle.

MARISHA: (laughs) What is it, just a straight dex?

MATT: Acrobatics.

MARISHA: Acrobatics?

TALIESIN: Sorry. Sorry. I have -

MARISHA: 10!

MATT: 10. The limes (thud) all over the ground.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MARISHA: (forced laughter) This is fun! I’ll just keep going.

MATT: Keyleth slowly backs away, realizing the moment.

MARISHA: Sorry!

MATT: Goes to get less-bruised limes.

SAM: Anyway, listen, before you do what you’re going to do and we’re going to go off on our way, I just wanted to say that I am here to officially absolve you of that proposal, and I rescind it. I was foolish to do so, and I don’t want there to be any strings attached when we leave, and I think, really, with you on the cusp of parting ways and me seeing my daughter and everything, everything’s come into a bit of a clearer focus, and… I think I’ve always been in love with the idea of you. You know, you’re so perfect and beautiful and smart and -

ASHLEY: It was the hairy shoulders, wasn’t it.

(all laugh)

SAM: But I don’t want to love an idea. I want to love a girl. And I think in all of this time of pining after you, I forgot to just hang out with you and know you as a person, and I’m sorry for that.

ASHLEY: That’s okay, Scanlan.

SAM: So I’m sorry for objectifying you or whatever.

LAURA AND LIAM: (giggle)

MARISHA: (laughing) “Or whatever.”

ASHLEY: It’s okay. These things happen. And maybe it wasn’t the best time, and maybe someday in the future, we can just reconnoiter and see if we want to make a - just talk about it again, I guess.

SAM: We’ll be friends.

ASHLEY: We’ll be friends.

SAM: We’ll be friends. Listen, I will always love you, but I don’t want this to be a barrier in our friendship anymore, so I’m taking it off the table. And besides, all I really want is to matter to someone, and I do now, and that’s very new for me, and confusing, and exhilarating, and I’ve got to figure out how to do it and, well, I’ll work on that, and you work on whatever you’re working on, and I will say this before we leave. I’m a little older than you, so I can give you some advice.

ASHLEY: Oh, I - okay.

(all laugh)

SAM: I will say, speaking as someone who has lost out on years of a relationship with someone I care deeply about, if you have someone out there that you love, you should tell that person, or, at least, tell someone about it. It’s a weight that you’re going to continue to bear, and you’re going to miss out on months and years of either knowing or not knowing.

ASHLEY: That’s very true.

SAM: You don’t have to tell me, but you’re the bravest woman I know, and you should be brave enough to just admit your feelings.

ASHLEY: (sighs) Well, maybe -

(all laugh)

ASHLEY: (stuttering) I’ll think on it more. And just, yeah. I have to get - maybe I’ll get more courage just by staying here and, you know… But thank you for the advice, wise old man.

(all laugh)

LIAM: Bulletproof to peer pressure.

SAM: Anyway, I just wanted to say -

ASHLEY: But you are very charming. I just wanted to tell you that.

SAM: Ah. It’s not happening, sorry.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

(extended laughter)

SAM: Just so I’m clear.

ASHLEY: Nothing.

SAM: Off the table now.

ASHLEY: Off the table. Nothing.

(others continue to laugh)

ASHLEY: All right. Well.

SAM: I’m sorry. I just have to let you down.

ASHLEY: It’s really okay.

(laughs) All right.

SAM: All right, well. Oh! Hugs?

ASHLEY: Just a friend hug.

SAM: Of course. Of course.

LIAM: Careful you don’t get velcroed to her shoulders.

MATT: Make another acrobatics check.

MARISHA: (laughs) Worse. 8. I’m trying, Pike! (crying) I’m having so much fun!

ASHLEY: It’s okay! It’s okay! We’ll talk later.

MARISHA: (crying) Huh?

ASHLEY: Can I - I’ll just say bye to the rest of the group.

LAURA: (unhappy noise) Oh, oh.

ASHLEY: It’s okay. You don’t need to cry yet.

LAURA: It’s all going so fast.

ASHLEY: Maybe we’ll see you very soon.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LIAM: Are we going already?

LAURA: I’m just so proud.

ASHLEY: Wait, are we going already or do we have the night?

TALIESIN: We have the night to sleep and we leave at dawn.

ASHLEY: Sorry, I just wanted to give you a hug.

LAURA: I just really wanted to hug you, too.

ASHLEY: Yeah, because you’re one of my best friends and I needed to give you a hug. It’s going to be fine.

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I may be here next week.

LAURA: You might.

LIAM: I mean, do your work tomorrow. Can’t we get shitfaced one last time?

ASHLEY: Let’s go get shitfaced. Come on!

LAURA: Can I just - (whispers) Percy.

TALIESIN: What? Yes?

LAURA: One quick question -

TALIESIN: Yes?

LAURA: I don’t want to bother you because I know there’s a lot going on, but we’re going into the Feywild.

TALIESIN: Yes.

LAURA: And… I’m really nervous about this broom.

TALIESIN: (irritably) Do you see the giant mess in front of me right now?

LAURA: Yeah?

TALIESIN: This is the thing for your broom. I’m sitting here while you were drinking, working on this.

LAURA: (gasps) You were?

TALIESIN: You will put a drink aside for me.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: I will see you either later tonight, if this goes very - Actually, give me the broom. Just give me the broom.

LAURA: Okay. Well, all right, but -

TALIESIN: I will either see you later tonight, or I will see you in the morning.

LAURA: Don’t lose sleep over it. Unless you really want to. But I don’t want to force you into anything.

TALIESIN: This pains me. This pains me, and it must be put down. This must be put down and finished!

LAURA: Thank you, dear.

TALIESIN: Good night. I’m going to roll a tinker check, at some point.

MATT: Yeah, yeah. As you guys spend the rest of the afternoon - which, you woke up late, for the most part, so the afternoon’s pretty short. But as the sun sets here in Whitestone, the cloud cover takes in once more, and a very light drizzle begins to hit the rooftops, and you hear in the distance people finishing rebuilding the roofs that were destroyed in the battle. Some buildings that are starting to be put back up again. The city is definitely, over time, coming back to life. You also know that throughout the day, you can see Allura and Gilmore and the Farseer Eskil are beginning to mark areas in the town. You’re not sure what for, but you gather it’s probably preparation for their wards they’re going to start putting up throughout Whitestone. During this time, you make your first tinnker check.

LIAM: Roll to attach a Baby Bjorn?

LAURA: (quietly) Come on, come on.

TALIESIN: That’s a 21.

MATT: 21? Okay. Working a good portion of the evening -

TALIESIN: It’s not my first roll at it, so, yeah.

MATT: Yeah, you start making some decent headway. You get the stirrups well-bolted into the side, making sure not to interrupt any of the enchantment. You also begin to work on the finer elements of the seat portion of it, which in itself will have a gimbal hinge to adjust based on positioning, which will allow her to actually functionally sit on the seat. We’ll get to that in a minute. The rest of you guys, anything else you’re doing other than just drinking in the time you have left?

SAM: Yeah, I go to see Vex real quick.

LAURA: Me?

SAM: Yeah. Oi, you. Oi.

LAURA: Hey, what’s going on?

SAM: Remember when I did you a favor, and you came to my room, and I taught you how to fly the broom?

LAURA: I very much remember that, Scanlan.

SAM: And you said you owed me one?

LAURA: I owe you so much.

SAM: Here’s the payback.

LAURA: Oh, no.

SAM: You have to wear this fucking hat every time you fly.

(all laugh)

LAURA: This pointy motherfucker?

LIAM: Oh my gods.

TALIESIN: That was a long walk!

MARISHA: Such a long walk!

TALIESIN: Wow.

LIAM: Playing a long game.

LAURA: How’s it look?

SAM: It looks really cool.

LAURA: Well, there you go.

(all laugh)

LAURA: I will gladly do this for you, Scanlan.

SAM: Thank you.

LAURA: Does this mean we’re even? This hat makes us even?

SAM: That would make me so happy.

TALIESIN: (snorts)

LIAM: (giggling) Wow.

SAM: The debt is paid.

MATT: As she cackles loudly, the hat atop her head is everything you hoped for.

(all crack up)

SAM: Yes!

ASHLEY: Oh, Vex, that hat is amazing!

LAURA: (cackles)

TRAVIS: She’s actually cackling.

LIAM: Oh, you devious motherfucker.

TALIESIN: Wow.

LAURA: I fucking like it. I appreciate it.

ASHLEY: I think it looks amazing.

SAM: The silhouette is beautiful on you.

LIAM: It’s very aerodynamic.

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: (laughs) Oh my god.

LIAM: If you’re going straight up.

LAURA: I would try it out, but I don’t have the broom on me right now, so.

MATT: Another tinker check.

TALIESIN: (whispering) Oh, bastard.

MARISHA: (chanting) Go, go, go!

MATT: You guys are drinking, carousing in a local tavern, laughing at her new hat.

TALIESIN: That’s a 25.

MATT: 25?

TALIESIN: Proficiency, dex, and roll.

MATT: As the wee hours begin to click by, the rest of you have finished your evening of drinking -

LAURA: I turn the hat at an angle and make it look a little more dashing.

MATT: There you go. Yeah, it’s more stylistic. It’s more Vex'ahlia.

LAURA: I like it.

TRAVIS: “Vex'ahlia.”

LIAM: Can I squeeze in one mini-conversation before the end of it all?

MATT: Yes. I’m going to start up here. As the evening progresses, up to that point in time, you’re battling and battling with this gimbal, and making sure that everything itself can sustain the necessary weight without putting too much pressure on a single point within the broom to actually splinter the wood or damage the actual object. You’re not even paying attention to the fact that there’s very little airflow and the sweat’s been dripping off of your face, as you just need to get this project done. And in the moment, it finally hits you, not knowing what time it is, but you lift it up in your hands, and you can see the completed work. Hoping it will function. We shall see. But for now, your project is done.

TALIESIN: I’ve got a wonderful little Elven signature on the bottom, which I will tell you what it says in just a little special signature, and I put it aside. I write down quick little notes for some stuff that’s to be taken care of while we’re away, and I go find the bloody bar that they have crashed.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: I’ll take the broom.

LAURA: I hand him his drink as soon as he comes in.

TALIESIN: I hand you a broom.

ASHLEY: Percy!

LAURA: (excited shout)

TALIESIN: At the very bottom in Elven, scribed very gently with a twig, it says in Elven, “Death From Above.”

SAM: Ooh.

ASHLEY: (laughing) Oh, yes.

TRAVIS: Oh.

LAURA: Percy, you’ve outdone yourself.

MARISHA: You and the names.

ASHLEY: (gasps) That’s amazing.

SAM: Give it a try.

LAURA: I just sit on it, raise up a little, take my hands off the broom -

MARISHA: I reach over and I grab the chicken that I’m sure is on the table, and I say, “Vex, pull!”

TALIESIN: (yelps)

MATT: Roll an attack.

LAURA: Oh, god. Do I have to roll disadvantage?

MATT: Nope.

LAURA: Ha ha! That’s right, and it’s a 30!

(excited cheers)

MATT: The arrow smashes into the side of the half-eaten chicken, which, in your drunken state, was not on your plate, and you hear a voice go, “Hey, that was my meal!”

(arrow impact)

TALIESIN: It’s a 214-year-old pub. Oh, god.

MARISHA: (weakly) Sorry!

MATT: The chicken, now stapled to the wall by the arrow, and the somewhat frustrated-looking gentleman who is on the other side of the table, who has just been eating on his own, is like - “How are you going to pay for that?”

LAURA: I’m sorry, sir. No, it’s all right.

MARISHA: (stuttering)

LAURA: I fly up and I grab it off the wall and I bring it back down.

MATT: He hasn’t really noticed the flight thing at this point, so he’s just like, “(awed) Oh.”

MARISHA: I take my fire hands and I blacken it and make it like a nice shish kebab.

LAURA: You burned it. Thank you.

MARISHA: Just a little - I’m getting the dirt off of it. I’m getting the hair off of it.

LAURA: Sorry it’s burned now, but there you go.

MARISHA: There’s a little hair on it.

MATT: “It’s okay.”

ASHLEY: A little extra cooked.

TALIESIN: A round for the gentleman.

MATT: “It’s burned.”

LAURA: Yes. Charred. It’s nice and charred.

MATT: "(weakly) Thanks."

MARISHA: I’m not a cook.

MATT: “I can tell.”

MARISHA: It’s arcane fire. What do you want from me?

MATT: “I want my chicken untouched.” And he starts cutting into it, trying to find pieces that are edible.

LAURA: I land next to my brother. You wanted to talk to me. Why?

LIAM: What, you? I don’t want to talk to you.

LAURA: Oh, well fuck it. I get up and start flying again.

TALIESIN: I was going to go take a seat next to Pike, at some point. I’ve got a letter for you.

LIAM: I think we all want to say goodbye to Pike. That’s what I was going to do.

MATT: As this is happening, while the flying display is happening and you’re really intent on watching all the mechanisms work and watching how it adjusts to her weight, and you want to be damn sure that everything that’s supposed to move is. While this is happening…

LIAM: All right. And I sit down next to her and I scootch her a little bit. Thank you, Pickle.

ASHLEY: Thanks, Vaxy.

LIAM: I’m starting to gather that you don’t have as many answers as I thought, but be that as it may, you’re still a great inspiration to me. I still feel like I’m following in your footsteps.

ASHLEY: Well…

LIAM: Take that for what it’s worth.

ASHLEY: Or flying in my footsteps, rather.

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Because that’s pretty cool.

LIAM: It is. It is pretty cool. Fuck, we’re going to miss you.

ASHLEY: I’m going to miss you. I’m going to miss you guys very much. But maybe I’ll see you more often?

LIAM: If you need us, blink of an eye. Blink of an eye, we’ll come back.

ASHLEY: Okay. (sighs) Okay. And I’ll just be there when I can.

LIAM: We know.

ASHLEY: Okay.

LIAM: It’s going to hurt, but we know.

ASHLEY: Yeah?

LIAM: And you know that we all - all of us. That big asshole over there.

ASHLEY: That big asshole.

LIAM: My twin, with the -

LAURA: I float down behind him -

LIAM: She’s behind me, isn’t she?

ASHLEY: Yes.

LAURA: - and give him bunny ears behind his head.

LIAM: That one.

ASHLEY: (laughs) Hi, Vex.

LIAM: Red, Whitey, Shorty. We’re all going to miss you.

ASHLEY: (sighs) I’m going to miss you guys a lot.

LIAM: Cheers.

ASHLEY: Cheers.

LIAM: (toonk)

ASHLEY: (drinking noises)

LAURA: Gulp, gulp, glub, glub, glub.

LIAM: (sighs) All right.

ASHLEY: All right.

LIAM: I’m going to tie one on. Thanks.

ASHLEY: All right. Bye, Vax.

MATT: As you continue to drink, Percy -

MARISHA: Keyleth just hollers, “Vax! Come sit by me.”

LAURA: (loudly) Oooh! I mean, go for her…

MARISHA: (yelling) Shut the fuck up, Vex!

LIAM: Or say nothing!

LAURA: Say nothing. I won’t say anything. I’m just going to keep flying around.

MARISHA: That’s it.

MATT: All right. As Percy, you see the opportunity now as Vax moves to take that same spot next to Pike.

TALIESIN: Oh, bloody hell, about fucking time.

LIAM: (giggles)

TALIESIN: (sighs)

ASHLEY: Hi.

TALIESIN: You’re intimidating as fuck, you know that?

ASHLEY: Me?

TALIESIN: Yes.

ASHLEY: How?!

TALIESIN: Everyone’s always worried about impressing you.

ASHLEY: Impressing me?

TALIESIN: Yes, it’s why we’re rubbish when you’re not around. Everybody’s trying to impress you.

ASHLEY: You know, I’m just rubbish. I’m just all the time rubbish. (laughs)

TALIESIN: I know. Believe me, I’m aware. I hand her a letter, and say, “Here’s a list of every terrible thing I’ve got going on in this city right now.”

ASHLEY: Okay.

TALIESIN: “So you’ll know what I’ve got cooking. Plus some people that if you need particular things, you can talk to in the city, who are friends of the family. 10 things to see in the city that might be nice, and my 10 favorite books in the library, in case you get bored.”

ASHLEY: Oh, Percy.

SAM: What to Do in Whitestone for 48 Hours.

TALIESIN: Exactly.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: You’re going to have to kill some time, I’m sure.

MARISHA: Whitestone Atlas Obscura.

ASHLEY: I will make sure to visit all of these places and read all these things.

TALIESIN: I’ll try and keep the kids safe, and I will try not to be the thing that kills them, either.

ASHLEY: Well - oh. I have something for you.

TALIESIN: Hm? All right.

SAM: Is it a profession of love? (laughs) Damn it!

LIAM: (laughs)

ASHLEY: When we went to my house, or, well, where I lived with Wilhand…

TALIESIN: I remember.

ASHLEY: I got something from underneath the bed, and -

LAURA: (whispering) Was it lacy panties?

ASHLEY: (laughs) Yes, it’s lacy panties.

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: I will wear them always.

ASHLEY: This is something that’s been in my family for a really long time, and I’ve been thinking about it, and I feel like I need to give it to you. So come closer to me real quick. It’s a necklace. And just… don’t take it off.

TALIESIN: Okay. I will keep it on.

ASHLEY: And it will keep you safe.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

ASHLEY: You’re welcome.

TALIESIN: And please keep all this safe, as well.

ASHLEY: I will. And keep them safe, and keep yourself safe, please?

TALIESIN: (sighs) Let’s all be safe. To that.

ASHLEY: Cheers.

TALIESIN: Cheers, and god,

TALIESIN: I hope they’re making out in the next hour.

ASHLEY: Same.

TALIESIN: God, wouldn’t that be lovely.

LAURA: I float down and kick Grog in the head and then float back up.

TRAVIS: Ow!

MATT: Make a perception check, Grog.

TRAVIS: Shit! 6.

(all laugh)

MATT: Someone fucking threw something at your head.

TRAVIS: Who wants to go right fucking now? I was in the middle of a gorgeous cup of ale and I’m wearing half of it!

SAM: It was that guy with the burnt chicken.

TRAVIS: I rush the guy with the burnt chicken and I pick him up, and I throw him across the tavern.

MATT: “(screams)”

TRAVIS: Who’s with the burnt chicken piece of shit?

MATT: He slams onto a table. You can now see there are two guys in the back, who are probably part of the building crew here, look at each other and roll up their sleeves. “We doing this?!”

ALL: YEAH!

LAURA: Big tavern brawl!

MATT: They rush in and start slugging at you and it goes into an old-style -

TALIESIN: Outside. Outside!

LAURA: Trinket!

MARISHA: Keyleth picks up two chickens, burns them with her hands, and chucks them at the guys. (shouting) Food fight!

TRAVIS: (laughing) Yes!

MATT: A giant brawl breaks out at this time.

TRAVIS: (laughing) Whole-tavern brawl.

MATT: You hear people laughing, and the music picks up more, and there’s tables being tossed over. There’s a hint of gingerness to it; no one’s damaging the -

TRAVIS: Not the face. Not the face.

MATT: - you can see, in general, in the city, there’s a lot of tension to get out from previous events, and there are a few folks in this town, in this particular tavern that are enjoying throwing a couple of punches and taking a few, and there are some folks that are watching, and enjoying watching, this fight go down.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Yes! Amazing.

MATT: And while no one here can throw a punch to really give you much of an issue, Grog, it is fun to feel the energy again.

TRAVIS: Take a few, yes.

TALIESIN: Slap fight.

TRAVIS: I sell them a bit more than they’re worth.

(all laugh)

MATT: All right. As eventually, the fight dies down, another round of drinks are purchased by those who are involved. You all find yourselves now into the late, late hours. Once again, probably pushing another sunrise in the next hour or so. You gather you should probably find yourselves to rest.

TALIESIN: Sleep, then leave. Sleep, then leave.

ASHLEY: I give Grog a big hug and say, You’re my big brother, yeah?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Please be safe.

TRAVIS: I will. We’re the original O.G., you know that?

ASHLEY: Yeah, we’re the original O.G.

TRAVIS: Well, I guess original and O is redundant, but -

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Original Original G.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re the O-O-G.

ASHLEY: Oo-G. Oog.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: You guys make your way back to Whitestone castle. Find a full evening’s sleep. Eventually, the late morning, early afternoon comes about. You’re well-rested, and a night of good dreams come to you. In contrast to the bad night before, you do manage to get full rest.

[no audio]

LIAM: - into my sister’s room with a bowl of lukewarm lentil soup, and go, “Oh, god, I’m still sick. (vomit noises)”

LAURA: No, no!

ASHLEY: (laughs)

LIAM: And throw it all over her.

LAURA: You’re such an asshole.

LIAM: Whoo! Still got it, baby! And I run back to my room and go to bed.

MATT: (giggles)

LAURA: I go take a shower.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: Ooh, ooh! Can I find Pike? And I say, “Hey, wait. Before I go, do you want me to keep a special eye on Scanlan, since he proposed marriage?”

ASHLEY: Oh. Well, that offer is off the table.

TRAVIS: What?

ASHLEY: Oh. It’s not happening anymore.

TRAVIS: Oh.

ASHLEY: So, yeah, he’s free to have some good times at the old “lady houses” that you guys like to visit. The lady spas?

(all laugh)

MARISHA: Lady spas?!

TALIESIN: Lady spas?

ASHLEY: Whorehouses?

(all laugh)

LIAM: I’d rather go to the lady spas.

ASHLEY: You know what? I think he’s not quite ready. I think it was just the idea of it.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

ASHLEY: The idea of me. Because I’m just really great.

TRAVIS: I mean, you really are.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TRAVIS: He got a little swept up, carried away.

ASHLEY: Yeah, he did. It happens.

TRAVIS: Is there anybody I should keep a special eye on?

(all laugh)

SAM: Yes!

TALIESIN: Wow, just -

ASHLEY: Oh. I have my eye on one already.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Like, magically?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TRAVIS: All right.

ASHLEY: Yeah. It’s fine.

TRAVIS: You just let me know.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TRAVIS: I’m an extra layer of protection.

ASHLEY: Yeah. Well. Just be careful. Keep yourself safe.

TRAVIS: Me?

ASHLEY: Yeah!

TRAVIS: That’s never part of the plan.

ASHLEY: Well, just don’t make too crazy of decisions.

TRAVIS: All right. Hey! When I come back, those Gauntlets of Ogre Strength?

ASHLEY: Yeah?

TRAVIS: I wanna see ‘em super beat up.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TRAVIS: Okay. We’ll compare damage box.

ASHLEY: (doosh doosh doosh doosh doosh)

TRAVIS: (buuh)

LAURA: I run up behind Pike out of my shower and I twirl her around and I give you a big old hug and a kiss on the cheek.

ASHLEY: Oh. Ohh.

LAURA: We’ll be back soon, darling.

ASHLEY: Okay. I hope so.

LAURA: Take care of everything.

ASHLEY: All right.

LAURA: I ought to get dressed.

ASHLEY: Yeah, will you - yeah. Okay.

(all laugh)

MATT: The flushed gnome runs off. You guys all eventually gather your materials, your weapons, your equipment, and anything else you need for the journey, and you all meet just on the outside of the front doors to Whitestone castle for a final goodbye. There waiting for you: Allura, the Realmseer, and Gilmore. Kima’s off elsewhere right now. And Cassandra follows up behind as you guys step out. They all nod their heads. Allura walks over to you and pats you on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. Have faith, and when you return. I’ll know how to absolve you of this cursed individual. And I think you’ll have, hopefully, something else even more helpful in your midst.” Cassandra comes up by you and rests her chin on your shoulder. “Percy, stay alive, please.”

TALIESIN: All right. (sighs)

MATT: “I mean it.”

TALIESIN: I know. I plan on coming back. I’m not done.

MATT: “No, you’re not.” And she smacks you in the face. (dshh)

TALIESIN: (sighs) I hate you.

MATT: Once everyone else is looking, she rights herself again. She takes her coat and buttons it there in the middle. “I cannot express, truly, how important your influence has been in this city, and I don’t think you realize just how many lives here are for the better since you’ve walked into our humble home. And it is for that reason that I request, on the behalf of all of us here in Whitestone, that you come back safe. That is all. Good luck.” She puts her shoulders back and walks back into the castle.

TALIESIN: At your service, Lord Cassandra.

MATT: “Don’t call me that.”

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MATT: She walks back in.

ASHLEY: I put my shoulders back and do the same thing she does. And turn around and wave. I love you guys. (blows kiss)

MARISHA: Bye, Pike.

LAURA: Bye, Lord Pike.

TRAVIS: Bye, Pike.

ASHLEY: Bye.

VEX AND ASHLEY: (laugh)

LIAM: Bye, Pickle.

ASHLEY: Bye, Vaxy.

MATT: Allura and Gilmore look at each other. Allura nods and walks in the castle after Pike, leaving Gilmore there. Gilmore looks at you all. “Sorry about forgetting the hug last time. It wasn’t my intent.”

LAURA: (laughs) Totally fine, dear.

MATT: “I have no words. You all look fabulous. If you find anything really amazing that you don’t need, I’m trying to build up stock again. (chuckling) I kind of… lost two shops in the same month."

LAURA: Are you building another shop?

MATT: "Well, I mean, eventually. "You’ve got to have long-term plans, my dear.”

LAURA: Of course. We’ll keep promoting you, then.

MATT: “Please. I’m far beyond the adventuring business, and income’s been stale for a while. But stay safe. Be careful. It’s weird out there.”

SAM: (laughs)

MATT: “Very, very weird out there.”

LAURA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: So true.

MARISHA: Thank you, Gilmore.

TRAVIS: Should we - since they’re all smart and stuff - ask them anything in particular about the Feywild?

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah. Any last words of wisdom for the Feywild?

MATT: “It’s WEIRD out there.”

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Thank you.

TRAVIS: Deep.

MARISHA: I think that was it.

MATT: “Take everything with caution. Trust nothing. Keep your eyes open and for the love of god, absolve yourself of any preconceptions.”

TRAVIS: Shit. Okay.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: “Fly high, my bird.”

MARISHA: Oh.

MATT: He walks up and gives you a kiss on the cheek, and then walks into the castle after the rest.

MARISHA: Oh.

TALIESIN: (quietly) See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?

MARISHA: (whispering) Hush, Percy.

LAURA: Well.

SAM: Shall we?

LAURA: Oh, god. It’s happening.

MARISHA: All form a circle and hold hands.

LIAM: All right.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah, let’s actually do it, yeah.

LAURA: Oh, it’s really -

LIAM: We’re really doing it.

ASHLEY: I’m not here.

LAURA: Oh, Pike’s not here.

LIAM: Ready, Stubby?

LAURA: Hum - oh, yes.

MARISHA: All right, everyone. Close your eyes.

SAM: Do we have to say a magic word?

MARISHA: No. Just close your eyes. It helps -

SAM: Can we say a magic word?

MARISHA: If it makes you feel better, Scanlan.

SAM: All right.

MARISHA: Close your eyes. It helps with the nausea.

TALIESIN: You could sing.

MARISHA: And -

SAM, MARISHA, AND LIAM: (gibberish noises)

(laughter)

LAURA: My pretty!

SAM: Wait, did it happen already? We’re still here.

MARISHA: My pretty!

LAURA: (cackles)

MATT: Where are you specifying? Where are you going?

LIAM: (Brooklyn accent) We’re going to Florida!

(cheers)

MARISHA: We’re going to Disney!

TALIESIN: Harry Potter Land!

TALIESIN AND MARISHA: Harry Potter Land!

TRAVIS: (laughing) Epcot Center.

MARISHA: I’m going to go to the one place I know, which is the portal just beyond where Grog entered.

MATT: You haven’t been in there.

MARISHA: But I know that there’s a portal there, right?

TRAVIS: There was a lake in the middle of the -

LIAM: Yeah, Grog’s girlfriend.

MARISHA: Grog’s girlfriend.

SAM: But we weren’t in the Feywild, were we?

TRAVIS: No, no, it’s a portal to the Feywild.

MARISHA: No, but I’ve got a vague idea.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Can I talk to - hang on, wait. Grog!

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: Remember your girlfriend in the Feywild?

TRAVIS: Pfft. Yeah.

MARISHA: Think about her and that place very, very hard.

TRAVIS: Which part?

MARISHA: Going there.

LAURA: Oh, it’s happening? It’s happening. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I thought we already -

MARISHA: Think about Grog’s girlfriend.

TRAVIS: Peanut butter and jelly.

LIAM: What did they do in there? We don’t know, still.

MARISHA: We don’t know.

SAM: Maybe we’ll find out!

MATT: For a moment, there’s just this still quiet, and then this very cold breeze begins to pick up around your feet (wind noise) and it’s like someone smacked each of you on your back really hard (boomf). And with that, your vision flashes for a moment, and you look about and everything has changed. You step forward into the now-temperate air. You’re struck immediately by the vibrant purples, blues, and pinks of a sunset sky that envelops the clouds above you, just above the treeline that surrounds you. The smell of fresh morning dew and poppy upon the breeze rolls past your nose and fills your senses as you look down and see yourself wading through what looks like two-foot-tall, knee- to thigh-high grass. Vine-covered tree trunks wrap and rise around you, curling as they stretch upward like a bending dreamscape of hundreds of small bobbing fairy lights that float in the shadowed distance of the forest. You can see what looks to be a few small pools of water that have gathered in this small glade that surrounds you. And that’s where we’ll pick up next week.

ASHLEY: Oh.

LAURA: It sounds beautiful.

MATT: Or two weeks from now, I guess.

LAURA: Oh, man, that’s right.

ASHLEY: Boo.

TRAVIS: But we’ll be back. We’ll do stuff next week.

MATT: You guys’ll be back next week for your own little fun time.

LAURA: Yeah, we’ll do something.

MATT: We’ll be back to pick up that line, as the party enters the Feywild, in two weeks.

TALIESIN: Man.

SAM: Who knows what we’ll encounter.

MATT: It’s going to be real interesting here in the Feywild. All right, so first and foremost, thanks again to Loot Crate for being our awesome sponsors.

TRAVIS: We’re wearing these awesome shirts. Keyleth’s got one. I’m rocking -

MARISHA: Yeah, everyone’s been tweeting at me, asking “where did you get your awesome shirt?” Uh, LOOT CRATE, what.

ASHLEY: Loot Crate!

TRAVIS: Alex Murphy, RoboCop, holla.

LIAM: And our discount!

MATT: And Ashley, if you hadn’t picked up at this point, is going back to New York to shoot on the next season of Blindspot.

LIAM: No! No!

LAURA: Oh, no…

ASHLEY: Okay, wait, hold on a second.

SAM: Wait, what does she have?

ASHLEY: Guys, for those of you in the Critter community who made this amazing quilt. This is going to come with me and be on my bed, and I’ll snuggle it.

MARISHA: Oh my god, that’s amazing!

LAURA: They made her the most amazing quilt!

ASHLEY: I love this so much.

SAM: Is that a Pike quilt?

ASHLEY: Yes.

LIAM: Yes, it is.

LAURA: And it’s got art.

ASHLEY: It has all the art on it - and then on the sides it’s just little quotes and things.

TRAVIS: Aim long, strike true, a War God’s Blessing upon you.

ASHLEY: People wrote on Twitter

LAURA: It’s so amazing.

MARISHA: That’s amazing!

TRAVIS: So many good messages.

ASHLEY: Never stop being yourself. You empower others to be themselves - oh, okay, now I’m just reading, like -

(all laugh)

ASHLEY: I thought it was going to be - I wasn’t trying to read compliments about myself.

(all laugh)

MATT: I love this blanket. It tells me how awesome I am.

TRAVIS: I like your hair!

LAURA: I’m pretty awesome.

ASHLEY: Your hair’s great! I love it.

LIAM: Us pack of nerds are going to miss you more than Vox Machina misses Pike.

ASHLEY: Oh, goodness.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah.

LIAM: We’re going to miss you.

ASHLEY: I’m going to miss you guys so much.

TRAVIS: We’re going to steal you back whenever we can.

MATT: We got better internet in the studio for you.

LAURA: Yeah, it’s true.

ASHLEY: What’s he say, again?

MATT: We got better internet in the studio specifically for you.

LAURA: So it’ll be faster.

ASHLEY: Okay. All right.

MATT: When you can, Skype in.

ASHLEY: All right. When I can, Skype in.

MATT: I know it’s not the same.

ASHLEY: Astral projection Pike. (laughs)

TRAVIS: (laughs) Yeah.

LAURA: No, no, no, you have the stone. You’ll be really there.

ASHLEY: Oh, I’ll be really there. That’s right. That’s right. Yes. We’re going to make it work.

MATT: I’ll make it work.

ASHLEY: Matt will have to make it -

MATT: I’ll figure it out. It’s my job.

LIAM: Pike in a box is better than no Pike.

MATT, TALIESIN, AND MARISHA: (singing) It’s a Pike in a box, ooh.

ASHLEY: It’s a Pike in a box!

MATT, MARISHA, TALIESIN, AND LAURA: (singing) Pike in a box, baaabe.

(singing peters out)

MATT: (singing) Step one, put a hole in that box… put a Pike in that box?

MARISHA: Oh, god!

MATT: Not continuing the song…

(all laugh)

MATT: Guys, thank you so much for watching. I hope you enjoyed your time. Looking forward to seeing all you folks in Australia next week. It’s going to be awesome. We’ll see you guys Saturday night. I believe it’ll be Taliesin, Marisha -

MARISHA AND TALIESIN: Not Taliesin.

MATT: Not Taliesin, sorry. Liam, Marisha, Laura, and Travis are going to play some Deadlands for a couple of hours on our awesome charity stream. Check us out tomorrow, starting at 5pm. Check out the rest of the stream for all the awesome content they’re putting up there, guys.

ALL: Saturday.

MATT: Sorry. Saturday. Friday. It’s -

TALIESIN: It technically is tomorrow.

MATT: No, it’s not tomorrow yet. Sorry. Starts tomorrow at 7pm, or 5pm. It starts tomorrow at 7pm, and then goes on.

LUCAS: Starts tomorrow at 7pm!

MATT: Thank you. Tomorrow at 7pm. It goes until Saturday at 7pm. My apologies. I’ve had a lot on my mind today. But yeah. So we’ll see you guys throughout the stream. Until then, is it Thursday yet? Have a good night, guys.