Transcript:Escape From The Past

Pre-show
MATT: Hello, every--! (laughter)

(laughter)

LIAM: Yes! Keep it in! Don't redo!

(laughter)

LIAM: Must use!

TRAVIS: That was--

LIAM: That's the one!

TRAVIS: -- on the button!

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

ASHLEY: Yes!

MATT: Hello everyone, (laughs) and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around, and play Dungeons & Dragons.

ALL: (garbled) We play Dungeons & Dragons!

(raucous laughter)

MATT: Before we get into tonight's episode, we do have some announcements to get through, beginning with the first of tonight sponsor, NordVPN.

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

MATT: Which means another visit from the world's second best magician, Nordo the Magnificent.

SAM: (Québécois) It's Nordo ze Nagnificent, Matthieu!

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: Why?

SAM: Let's talk about ze magic of NordVPN and ze dark arts. Have you ever heard of malware? Viruses, Trojans, worms, and keyloggers are an evil underbelly corrupting your computer, and stealing your data. But NordVPN has a magic trick to beat it, called--

(laughter)

SAM: -- threat protectión! It scans files--

MARISHA: (laughs)

SAM: -- and warns you of danger before you download some things from the other side. So today, I shall use the spell to ensure we are not corrupted by phantoms or evil spirits. Here I go. Schlameel-

TALIESIN: Oh no.

SAM: Schlamoodio, Nordo's threat protection, I cast on ze studio!

ALL: Oh!

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Oh, wow.

TRAVIS: That is--

MARISHA: Thank you.

KIRBY: (whining yell) Whoa, what happened? (laughter) One minute I'm dead, and now I'm talking?

SAM: Oh! Oh, mysterious apparition from the past!

KIRBY: Whoa!

SAM: Who are you and why do you haunt zis studio?

KIRBY: Wait, studio? I worked here in 2004 when it was a warehouse. I slipped on wet concrete and died, but--

(laughter)

KIRBY: Stuck in limbo ever since. It's a fancy studio now?

SAM: Yes, oui, oui, specter from the grave. See all ze cameras and ze lights?

KIRBY: Whoa, cool!

(laughter)

KIRBY: Are you guys making a TV show? Am I on TV?

SAM: Well, no, no. It's not television, it is live play gaming content. Have you heard of Twitch?

KIRBY: No.

SAM: Well, it's kind of like YouTube, but live.

KIRBY: What's YouTube?

SAM: Okay. (laughter) People watch other people play video games, but we, we play TTRPGs, so--

KIRBY: Kids watching other kids play video games?

(laughter)

KIRBY: Why? And what's GGTLC?

SAM: You know what?

(laughter)

SAM: Maybe I don't really have time to get into zis, maybe this was a mistake.

KIRBY: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Can you at least release me from the ghostly curse that binds my soul, and let me escape this eternal hell?

SAM: You know what? (static) Oh, you're breaking up!

(laughter)

SAM: (static) Aw, it's a bad connection! (static) I got to go, bye!

KIRBY: Wait, no! It's been decades!

SAM: Okay, ah, oh!

ASHLEY: Oh no, Kirby!

SAM: Oh!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: You know the ghost's name?

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Wait, I have a--

SAM: Oh, did you do something?

(laughter)

SAM: Another perfé magic trick from Nordo ze Nagnificent!

TRAVIS: (laughing) Parfait?

SAM: Try NordVPN risk free with a 30-day money back guarantee at nordvpn.com/CriticalRole, and get an extra four months for free on a new two-year plan. Matt, cognac to you.

(groaning)

MATT: Whew. (laughter) Thank you, Sam.

LIAM: Oh boy.

MATT: Thank you, NordVPN. Thank you, Kirby.

TALIESIN: Thank you, Kirby!

MATT: Kirby!

(laughter and cheering)

MARISHA: (laughs)

LAURA: Kirby's still just laying there.

(laughter)

SAM: She is?

LAURA: Yeah!

(laughter)

MARISHA: That is dedication.

MATT: A professional!

(laughter)

SAM: She's sneaking out--

(laughter)

MATT: And our second sponsor of the night-- (laughs)

MARISHA: We should really give all of our producers a raise.

MATT: Yes, we do.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Oh.

MATT: D&D Beyond! Become a member of the Golden Vault, and steal your way through 13 standalone adventures.

TALIESIN: Hey.

MATT: They can be easily dropped into any active campaign, or linked together as one big adventure, providing everything a Dungeon Master needs, including maps, and highly detailed information. Each of these adventures have multiple paths to success, and it's up to the player to plan, and execute their high stakes heists. Get your copy of "Keys from the Golden Vault" at today, D&D-- or today at DNDBeyond.link/CRKeys, and pull off the heists of a lifetime.

SAM: Very nicely done!

TALIESIN: (ominously) Lifetime.

MATT: All righty, Marisha, you have announcements.

(scattered applause)

MARISHA: You guys! (laughter) We have a new horror tabletop RPG show.

SAM: Whoa.

MARISHA: Using our recently announced system, Illuminated Worlds.

(oohing, cheering)

TRAVIS: (burbling)

(laughter)

MARISHA: You guys, this one has been in the works for so long.

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: I'm so excited that you will finally get to see Candela Obscura!

(cheering)

SAM: It has a name!

(clapping and shouting)

MARISHA: It has a name! Candela Obscura follows an esoteric order of investigators in Newfaire, using centuries of knowledge to fight back unknown sources of corruption, and bleed.

TRAVIS: Bleed?

MARISHA: Now, Newfaire is a city which is not of our own, but it may share similar similarities to this reality that we understand to this day. This is the kind of place where arcane forces from below and burgeoning technology from above--

SAM: Ooh!

MARISHA: -- collide to create an electric, magical, and quite frankly fucking terrifying setting--

TRAVIS: I'm here for it.

MARISHA: -- for Critical Role's latest series, entitled Candela Obscura.

SAM: Hey!

TRAVIS: (ominously) Candela Obscura.

MARISHA: Yeah. Now, the very first cast includes our very own Laura Bailey.

(cheering)

MARISHA: Ashley Johnson!

(cheering)

MARISHA: Alongside Robbie Daymond.

(cheering)

MARISHA: Anjali Bhimani!

(cheering)

MARISHA: Love her so much. This first trio of episodes will be GMed by none other than Matthew Mercer.

(cheering)

MATT: Hey, guys.

MARISHA: It premieres May 25th at 7:00pm Pacific on our Twitch and YouTube channels on the last Thursday of the month. That Thursday we normally take off, but no more! Because it's Candela Obscura time, and if you haven't seen it yet, you can check out our trailer, which we'll play during the break.

SAM: Nice.

MARISHA: It's super cool, and awesome.

LAURA: It's so fun! I haven't seen the trailer.

ASHLEY: I haven't seen the trailer either.

TRAVIS: That aesthetic, y'all.

MARISHA: You will. It's real good.

LAURA: (gasps)

MARISHA: It's real gray.

MATT: I'm excited.

ASHLEY: It's fun.

MARISHA: A lot of--

LAURA: It was so fun.

MARISHA: A lot of blood, sweat, and tears went into this project.

MATT: Indeed.

MARISHA: You're going to love it.

TRAVIS: It's fun as fuck.

MATT: Check it out.

MARISHA: Taliesin's baby.

TALIESIN: (nervous confirmation)

TRAVIS and LAURA: Taliesin's baby!

MATT: Yep.

ASHLEY: Taliesin's baby!

TALIESIN: So long! Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah.

(laughter)

MATT: Ah, fantastic. Definitely check it out.

TRAVIS: We play Taliesin's baby!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Fair.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs)

MATT: I believe that concludes our announcements. So, with that, let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

LIAM: Beep bop boop! (wind whooshing)

Part I
MATT: And welcome back.

(laughter)

MATT: So, last we left off.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: This troop--

ASHLEY: No.

MATT: -- had wandered from the city of Uthodurn deep into the Savalirwood to the ruins of Molaesmyr in hopes of uncovering some of the lost history surrounding Ludinus Da'leth. After encountering some of the terrifying altered creatures that call it home, hiding through the ruins in shadow, only briefly managing to avoid being globally possessed by many of the spirits that linger here. Running from the terrifying Wolf-King entity, and eventually climbing within the remains of the Gildhollow Tower.

CHRISTIAN: So well done.

(laughter)

MATT: You clamber within the shaded ruins that once was the abode of Ludinus Da'leth. Within here, you begin to uncover some notes, some themes, and apparently some sort of odd enchanted section of a wall. But before you're able to dig too deep into what that is, and what it may contain, Chetney climbs the ceiling to check for other--

LAURA: (frustrated groan)

TRAVIS: For everyone's safety!

MATT: Of course.

AABRIA: Chet!

ASHLEY: What the fuck?

TRAVIS: Damn, I got two for flinching!

MATT: In doing so, seems to call forward, or awaken some sort of strange amorphous creature that emerges, and slops down into the center of the chamber.

TRAVIS: "Slops."

AABRIA: I don't like that.

MATT: Its weird shifting skin, and tendon-like flesh, with mouths and teeth occasionally emerging, and crying, and baying like all number of various predatory creatures and animals. All of you begin to back up against the wall as it lands, and emerges, its tendrils slopping around.

LAURA: No, stop saying "slopping."

AABRIA: I don't like that.

MATT: I need you all to roll initiative.

TRAVIS: Yes!

ASHLEY: No!

TRAVIS: No!

SAM: This combat. Teeth, tentacles, and terror. Pre-order mighty Obann the Punished today. Check out the full collection of Critical Role miniatures at wizkids.io/CRminis at your local game store.

ASHLEY: Whoa!

LAURA: Oh wow!

SAM: There's two rooms. But wait, we're only in one room.

TRAVIS: One's upper, one's below, right?

MATT: This is the floor you came in on, and this is the floor you're all in right here.

LAURA: So cool.

SAM: So, that floor is under this floor.

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Are you still a wolf, Chet?

TRAVIS: Can we just--

MATT: Yes, you are.

TRAVIS: -- buy up real estate in Molaesmyr? It's real pretty here.

MATT: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: It's probably really cheap.

AABRIA: The neighborhood's not great.

ASHLEY: Look at the toadstools on the tree.

AABRIA: It's got good bones.

TRAVIS: Having trouble finding someone to show us properties.

(laughter)

AABRIA: The trees have bones.

LAURA: Four!

AABRIA: And those are good.

TRAVIS: "Trees have bones."

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: We had a real estate agent, but they ghosted us.

ASHLEY: Oh wow!

TRAVIS: Dang, high marks.

MATT: So as you are climbing the ceiling.

CHRISTIAN and AABRIA: (laugh)

MATT: There we go.

TRAVIS: That's so--

MATT: Shh-poof!

SAM: Oh!

ALL: Oh!

LAURA: He's so big!

TRAVIS: Why is it glistening like that?

AABRIA: Hey, can I get a small one? It's a bit much.

MATT: Nah, nah, it's actually going to stay there.

AABRIA: You sure?

CHRISTIAN: Fucking faces!

TRAVIS: I think you grabbed the one that was too big.

MATT: Nah. I think it's--

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: -- pretty dead-on, actually.

TRAVIS: Aw!

LAURA: Ugh!

MATT: 25 to 20.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, 27.

TRAVIS: 22.

LAURA: What, 27?

MATT: Whoo-whoo!

ASHLEY: Holy shmoley.

TRAVIS: Wait, you?

CHRISTIAN: It's the first time that's happened.

SAM: I rolled a natural 20, but--

AABRIA: Yo!

SAM: -- but I'm going third.

(laughter)

AABRIA: That was very funny.

LAURA: I rolled a 20.

SAM: I also did.

TRAVIS: FRIDA, Chet.

ASHLEY: What?

LAURA: You did, you had a natural 20.

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: So, yeah.

CHRISTIAN: I don't want to go first.

MATT: Too bad.

TRAVIS: FCG, Imogen.

MATT: Well, you can hold your action, if you want to.

AABRIA: I absolutely didn't write any of this down.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: This feels like the big boss, right? We're not saving spells for anything?

TRAVIS: No, no, no, we only get music like this for--

AABRIA: Who is saving? I don't got 'em!

MATT: 20 to 15. All right, got to have those 20s there.

TRAVIS: If everybody rolls above a 10, we'll win.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: 15 to 10.

AABRIA: Ooh, 14.

MATT: 14, all righty.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Baby.

TRAVIS: Come on!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Come on!

ASHLEY: I'm still outside.

MATT: (laughs) Fearne, what's yours?

ASHLEY: Six.

MATT: Okay.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: There.

SAM: What did you do, Ray?

AABRIA: Oh no.

MATT: All righty, so, as this weird entity is (slurping) starting to s--

LAURA: Stop it.

MATT: -- slop around the interior of this chamber.

TRAVIS: Slough, slough.

MATT: Well, if you keep fighting it, it will eventually slough off--

TRAVIS and LAURA: Ugh!

MATT: But FRIDA, you're up first as this thing lands on the ground. The other the chamber here, this is the staircase that descends below right off to this side there.

TRAVIS: ♪ Oh ah ♪

LAURA: Oh. There we all are, okay.

CHRISTIAN: Where--

LAURA: Where's the circle on the wall?

MATT: Oh, the circle on the wall was over on this side that you guys were inspecting.

TRAVIS: You going to hit it?

LAURA: ♪ I don't know yet ♪

CHRISTIAN: Oh.

ASHLEY: Speak with Animals!

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Can I get around in that to that staircase? Do I have enough space to get around it to the staircase? I'm assuming I'm within its range.

MATT: You are within melee of it, as it landed in the middle of all of you, and you all had to step out of the way to avoid it. (laughter) You can move down the stairs, but if you go beyond that, it might get an attack of opportunity on you.

CHRISTIAN: I want to get maybe to the top of the stairs.

LAURA: Such a small area.

SAM: What am I going to do?

MATT: Okay. So you shift over here to the very top of the stairs before they descend to down below.

SAM: Polymorph.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah, and I will--

LAURA: Oh god.

CHRISTIAN: I'll just--

TRAVIS: It's so big.

CHRISTIAN: I will take two shots at it.

SAM: That's what she said.

MATT: Go for it. Roll for attack. Oh, for the record, at the top of your turn, its weird growling and baying and crying sounds that are coming from the multiple mouths are filtering into your brain, and it's starting to hurt your consciousness. You take seven points of psychic damage.

SAM: Oh, just like that?

LAURA: Wait, immediately?

SAM: No save, no nothing?

MATT: Yep.

AABRIA: You just do it?

MATT: Just at the top of your turn.

SAM: Whoa!

AABRIA: They can just do it?

SAM: That's so cool!

TRAVIS: What if we close our ears with our eardrums?

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

AABRIA: With your eardrums?

TRAVIS: Yeah, you don't know how to close your eardrums?

MATT: Yeah, like this?

ASHLEY: (laughs)

AABRIA: Is that a werewolf thing?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

CHRISTIAN: That is a nine plus 10--

AABRIA: What are you flexing?

CHRISTIAN: -- which is 19, 22--

TRAVIS: Puckers your butt and your eardrums.

CHRISTIAN: Yes, 22 to hit.

MATT: 22 hits. Roll damage.

CHRISTIAN: 2d8 plus six.

AABRIA: Noted.

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Got to close up all of your holes. (cork thunks)

(laughter)

ASHLEY: You better.

AABRIA: Hey guys, Chetney's watertight right now. (laughs)

SAM: Oh god.

CHRISTIAN: 14 points of damage on the first one. Do I get--

MATT: How much was that?

CHRISTIAN: 14 points of damage. Do I get--

MATT: 14 points.

TRAVIS: Spring break was a--

CHRISTIAN: Do I get sneak attack?

MATT: Yeah, if you want.

AABRIA: We're going to die.

CHRISTIAN: What is my sneak attack?

MATT: Well, it's attack--

CHRISTIAN: Is it two-- So, that was a 14 for that, and then sneak attack is two-- 1d8? Where is sneak attack?

MATT: Depends on how many levels of rogue you have in there.

CHRISTIAN: Just the one.

MATT: Yeah, so it'd be 1d8-- 1d6, sorry.

CHRISTIAN: 1d6.

TRAVIS: Oh, there.

CHRISTIAN: Six points.

MATT: Look at that!

CHRISTIAN: Yep.

MATT: Brings it to 20.

CHRISTIAN: I'll take the second shot.

MATT: Go for it. So bonus reload--

CHRISTIAN: Reload.

MATT: -- and then second fire.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, that's cocked. That hits, that's 11 plus 12.

MATT: That definitely hits. Roll damage the second time.

CHRISTIAN: That's another 2d8 plus six.

MATT: But you don't get sneak attack a second time, though.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah. That is six plus eight. 14 points again.

MATT: 14 points of damage, great.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

MATT: So as you rush around--

CHRISTIAN: Plus six, 14 plus six, right? So, 20 points of damage.

MATT: Well, plus six from your dexterity?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah, 2d8 plus six. Yeah.

MATT: Yeah, you got it. Dang, 20 and 20. 40 points of damage one round. (gun firing, reloading, firing) Second blast, you can see chunks of it flying off, and with each hit, you can see parts of its flesh, (slurps) sliding off and darkening into a gray-brown coloration as it falls off. It just stands there, its eyeless teeth and mouths swirling in the space. Occasionally, you see shifting limbs trying to push out, like it's trying to find form, but failing.

CHRISTIAN: Does it look like it has a core? As I'm seeing it, does it look like it has a core?

MATT: As you fire, make a perception check for me.

CHRISTIAN: With pleasure. That says... That's a six plus so, 17.

MATT: 17. As you fire, you can see you blast a column, a cavern in the side of it, where the damage from your gun actually slams into its side and tears an opening hole. You do not see a change in texture or flesh.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, wow, okay.

AABRIA: Ugh.

MATT: No exposed core or anything.

CHRISTIAN: Wow, yeah.

MATT: Does that finish your turn?

CHRISTIAN: That finishes my turn.

MATT: All righty. Chetney, you're up, with FCG on deck.

TRAVIS: With my bonus action, I am going to use a Blood Curse of Bloated Agony.

CHRISTIAN: Ooh.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Creature 30 feet for the duration, he has disadvantage on strength and dex checks. Yeah, that's it. With my action, I will--

MATT: Are you going to be-- Are you amplifying it?

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Rega, rega, rega.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: Then I'll use Torment, which is already out, Turmoil. (laughs) Its close brother, Turmoil.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: And take two-- I'll leap off the platform that I'm at, and take two swipes.

MATT: Go for it. Make your attacks.

SAM: (growls)

TRAVIS: That is a 27 to hit.

AABRIA: 27.

MATT: That hits.

CHRISTIAN: Nice.

TRAVIS: Second one is a 23 to hit.

MATT: All right, both hit.

TRAVIS: Both hit, okay, cool. 2d6.

LAURA: Ah!

SAM: What do I do? I'm just a robit.

AABRIA: Who could say?

TRAVIS: Four, that is 13 points of slashing damage.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Four points of Crimson Rite damage.

MATT: Of which type? The--

TRAVIS: Ice.

MATT: Ice, got it.

TRAVIS: Six plus five, 11, plus four. 15 on the second one.

MATT: You got it. (thuds) Two strikes on that, the ice gathers and sticks out in shards before it immediately melts and seems to be swallowed by its physical form before the ice vanishes within.

TRAVIS: Three points of thunder damage when it hits.

MATT: Nice. All righty. Does that finish your turn?

TRAVIS: Yes, it does.

MATT: End of your turn, it's going to use a legendary action to chew.

LAURA: Oh no!

TRAVIS: Legendary action?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: To chew?

MATT: Yes! That's going to be a 24 to hit you, Chetney.

TRAVIS: Yes, it certainly hits, 100%.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Just remember, he gets resistances, too, if he gets actions.

ASHLEY: Yes.

AABRIA: It's okay if he chewed the room.

MATT: All right. With that, that is going to be--

CHRISTIAN: There's teeth. It has teeth.

MATT: -- 19 points of piercing damage.

SAM: Woo!

MATT: As you strike twice and watch as part of it separates and opens and it seems to grow teeth for a moment that slam down onto your body and try and pull you in, but the teeth move, they're serrated and different edges glide and tear through before you pull yourself free.

TRAVIS: Is that considered slashing or piercing damage?

MATT: That'd be piercing.

TRAVIS: So that's half, by my wolfie form?

MATT: Correct. It is indeed.

TRAVIS: Okay.

ASHLEY: Nice.

TRAVIS: ♪ Wolfie form ♪

MATT: All right, finishing Chetney's go, I believe. FCG, you are up, with Imogen on deck.

SAM: Me?

AABRIA: Kill it. Just kill it.

SAM: I don't do lots of damage and there's no one to heal yet. I'll just Sympathetically Bond with everybody, this time I will include Chetney.

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Thanks, bitch.

SAM: But I will un-include Fearne.

ASHLEY: It's fine. It's fine.

SAM and AABRIA: (laugh)

CHRISTIAN: Everybody but--

ASHLEY: What the fuck!

(laughter)

AABRIA: I want to feel bad for you, but it's so nice to be included.

(laughter)

SAM: I don't want to move because that'll be bad. I got a bonus action which I can use to--

MATT: I mean, you can move, but as long as you don't leave its melee, because that's when you take hits.

SAM: This doesn't feel like a thing that's going to shoot beams.

LAURA: I don't know.

AABRIA: Please stop giving him ideas!

SAM: It seems like a this kind of a thing. (shouts) But that's metagaming! I'll go a couple feet that way.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: Okay. Now this is all considered rough terrain, so you can move five, ten.

SAM: That's fine.

AABRIA: Oh no.

MATT: That's 20 feet of movement to get around. You scoot right past Deanna and the rocks and rubble. (clunky scrapes) It's a rough ride getting there.

AABRIA: What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

SAM: Sorry, sorry, I'm just getting over here. I wanted to see if he has a butt.

AABRIA: Interesting.

SAM: He doesn't.

AABRIA: Okay. Noted.

MATT and SAM: (laugh)

SAM: Or he has several.

MATT: There are butts everywhere, it is.

AABRIA: He's actually half butt.

TRAVIS: With a swirling every once in a while, just a little humpback whale. (toot)

MATT: Yep. (laughs)

AABRIA: (laughs)

MATT: He's little starfish.

SAM: You're going to do something that requires a save.

AABRIA: Don't make me laugh, it says to kill me. (laughs)

MATT: That's the best, though.

SAM: Okay, then I'll do bonus action, I'll cast Spiritual Weapon. Just to have it up.

MATT: Basic 2nd-level?

SAM: Basic 2nd-level.

MATT: All right. What is the form of your spiritual weapon?

SAM: You said he's moist?

MATT: Glistening.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Ugh.

TRAVIS: Your face.

SAM: I'll do something that he hates.

CHRISTIAN: He slops, he's moist.

SAM: A nice, thick terry cloth towel.

(laughter)

MATT: Okay. Where do you want it to-- Where you were? Or on the opposite side?

SAM: On the opposite side.

MATT: Okay. A giant terrycloth towel appears pretty much right in the middle of Imogen and Fearne and-- (soggy whipping)

SAM: It's going to try to dab.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: Wild.

SAM: I rolled a two!

(laughter)

SAM: I don't think it dabs.

MATT: It doesn't, it doesn't.

SAM: Okay. It's rolling itself up, getting ready to whip.

MATT: There you go. I like that. All right. So that's your bonus action, your movement, and your action is bonding?

SAM: That's it.

MATT: Good. All right, finishing up that go, Imogen, you're up.

LAURA: Okay. The circular thing is right on the wall behind Fearne?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Okay. With my movement, how far around this creature could I get?

MATT: Over around over here, you mean?

LAURA: Yeah. Could I get to the other side of it?

SAM: Only if you say, "Whee!"

MATT: 25, 30 you can get-- Unfortunately, everything in here is considered difficult terrain because of the sheer volume of rock and broken material and roots that have taken here, so you wouldn't be able to get to the total opposite side. You would get to about there, between Chetney and FRIDA.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: On foot.

LAURA: Right. I will--

MATT: Unless you want to try some crazy shit.

LAURA: Like an up and over sort of shit?

CHRISTIAN: Always down for crazy shit.

MATT: I mean, acrobatics checks. Big risk, big reward, big fuckery if you fail.

LAURA: Big, big, big fuckery if I fail.

AABRIA: That's my rap name.

CHRISTIAN: But you're amongst friends, so we have you.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: Let's try for the big fuckery!

AABRIA and CHRISTIAN: Yay!

MATT: So what are you going to do?

LAURA: I want to use my Telekinetic Shove and shove Fearne five feet that direction. At the same time, I'm going to try to jump-- Not jump, I can't jump for shit. I'm going to try to run past-- Maybe jump off of-- I want to get to the other side of it.

MATT: By?

LAURA: By--

TRAVIS: ♪ Flying! ♪

SAM: Go through it!

TRAVIS: Yeah, just push through the slough.

LAURA: That sounds really--

AABRIA: I want to see how viscous he is. Just get in there.

SAM: Open his meat.

CHRISTIAN: Ugh, god.

SAM: (laughs)

LAURA: Can I use FRIDA as a little jumping-- Can I bounce off his leg and--

MATT: You can certainly try.

LAURA: -- go past and land next to Chet?

CHRISTIAN: My leg is propped up for it, because I have one leg down and my knee is bent.

MATT: Between Chet and-- Or on the other side of Chet?

LAURA: On the other side of Chet.

MATT: You can certainly try.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: All right. So make your acrobatics check for me.

LAURA: It's a really high DC, isn't it?

MATT: It's a pretty decent DC. It's not impossible. I'm putting it at a 22, to try and make this this.

SAM: Ooh!

LAURA: It's impossible for me.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

AABRIA: You could do it!

SAM: You got to try, you're committed--

AABRIA: Guidance!

TRAVIS: Even a natural 20 won't do it?

ASHLEY: Come on!

MATT: A natural 20, I might allow it.

LAURA: Well, come on!

AABRIA: Laura!

LAURA: That's-- the odds of that--

TRAVIS: Well roll it!

SAM: You're in it now, you're in it.

TRAVIS: Manifest your destiny!

ASHLEY: Come on, Maverick it.

CHRISTIAN: I believe in you, Laura Bailey.

TRAVIS: Maverick it.

ASHLEY: Maverick it.

AABRIA: I think I still got a crystal, if you want it.

CHRISTIAN: Holy shit!

LAURA: (laughs)

SAM: (laughs)

LAURA: I got one of the numbers. So I rolled a two.

MATT: Okay. (laughs)

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: I love Matt went, "How'd she roll zero?".

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LAURA: (laughs) So it's a four.

MATT: Okay. So you run and leap onto FRIDA's knee. FRIDA, you don't realize this is happening--

LAURA and AABRIA: (laugh)

MATT: Until suddenly--

LAURA: Hi!

MATT: -- you see this purple blur, you instinctually shift out of the way, your foot has nothing to land on, you hit the top of the stair, and begin to fall down from where you came up from the stairway.

(shouting)

SAM: Oh no, she's going down the stairs!

AABRIA: Oh no! (laughs)

MATT: (repeated thumping)

LAURA: Oh no! No, no, no! I don't do that.

AABRIA: You're the only one that's going to live through this!

LAURA: No, I don't do that. I Misty Step myself. No, I don't, because I want to be able to use it to get out. Can I shoot a spell off then, while I'm falling?

TRAVIS: (laughs)

AABRIA: As you're bouncing.

MATT and TRAVIS: (laugh)

MATT: What are you trying to do?

TRAVIS: Fade away? Fade away jumper?

AABRIA: Fade away! (laughs)

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LAURA: I'm trying to Lightning Bolt it!

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: As you're falling back?

AABRIA: Just leave her hand up at the end.

MATT: I'll allow it.

LAURA: Fuck off!

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, leave it hanging.

MATT: I'll allow it.

LAURA: I'm committing.

MATT: Okay. So you're like, "Whoa!" as you fall back down the steps you just-- (lightning bolt) full-on Lightning Bolt.

(crackling)

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Like "Ghostbusters," you know, a streak across the room, like bolt.

LAURA: I figured it would go hit it and go up if anything.

MATT: We'll see, because it has advantage on the saving throw because if you're tumbling--

TRAVIS: "The flowers are still standing."

LAURA: Oh, it has advantage on the saving throw.

MATT: It's not great for the first roll.

AABRIA: We're doing so good, you guys.

MATT: It fails, but I'm still going to use Legendary Resistance to save.

CHRISTIAN: Ooh.

LAURA: All right, all right.

MATT: So it takes half damage, but roll for your Lightning Bolt.

LAURA: Okay. Half damage on 8d6.

CHRISTIAN: Oh shit.

MATT: Great.

AABRIA: You used a big girl spell slot.

LAURA: One, two, three, four, five, and six.

TRAVIS: Somebody should try to talk to this thing.

AABRIA: Stop it.

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: What if it's got a consciousness? If it's got thoughts?

LAURA: Oh that's a four. Hold on, that's a four. Cool, that's great. 10, 12, 15-- No, 14--

CHRISTIAN: Oh that's disturbing.

LAURA: (laughs) For seven points of damage.

MATT: Seven points of lightning damage to it. Great.

LAURA: Because then it's half, too. (laughs)

MATT: Yep. (laughs)

(lightning bolt)

TRAVIS: (bwang)

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

AABRIA: You're going great! You know what? It's for the best.

MATT: It tears through part of it on the side and then you hear--

(Imogen bouncing)

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: You take a point of bludgeoning damage.

CHRISTIAN and TRAVIS: (laugh)

AABRIA: (laughs) One!

MATT: But you do finish sliding the last few stairs towards the bottom like, "Ahh!"

AABRIA: She bruised her tailbone, you guys.

TRAVIS: The dress is over her head. (laughs)

LAURA: Ow! That was my head!

AABRIA: Her ephemeral skirt just over her face!

LAURA: Yeah, my skirt just--

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Fuck!

CHRISTIAN: That's sad seeing you.

LAURA: It's all stuck to my face.

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Best turn. Best turn.

MATT: All right, does that finish your turn?

LAURA: Yeah-huh.

MATT: Okay. Now it's the creature's turn.

ASHLEY: Yeah-huh.

AABRIA: No!

CHRISTIAN: At least you're not in harm's way, right?

LAURA: You know, I think it helped me more than anything.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: Did we all take damage at the top of the turn?

MATT: At the top of your turn--

LAURA: Or was that just for FRIDA that took it?

MATT: That would've been FRIDA who started. You did start within your radius of it. So yes, you would've taken--

LAURA: Is it psychic damage?

MATT: It is. So you take three points of psychic damage.

SAM: Oh. Is that all of us?

LAURA: Okay, and is that--

MATT: At the top of anyone's turn who is within five feet of it. So you also would've taken four.

TRAVIS: Oh, I didn't start it there. I didn't start it there.

SAM: Okay.

AABRIA: That's so interesting.

MATT: No, you jumped in there.

MATT: So that's three points of psychic damage.

LAURA: Is that halved?

MATT: Four points of psychic.

MATT: If you're resistant to psychic damage, then yeah. Then you take one.

LAURA: Okay. Would it do anything with my-- (clicks tongue)

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: This isn't trying to delve into your brain, it's just trying to hurt your brain.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: But good ask. Good question. All right. Now for the creature's turn

SAM: Mm-hmm, Mm-hmm. Here we go. Here we go.

TRAVIS: It retreats.

MATT: Actually, at the end of your turn as you stumbled down there, it's going to use--

TRAVIS: Pursue and Eviscerate?

MATT: Chew again-- (laughs)

LAURA: Chew again?

MATT: -- once more against... It's going to go for FCG.

AABRIA: (gasps)

TRAVIS: When it chews, does it just, as Aabria put it, what is it, bite it and-- Bit it and quit it?

AABRIA: Bit and quit it.

MATT: Bit it and quit it.

TRAVIS: It's not grappled?

MATT: 23 to hit.

AABRIA: Golly!

SAM: Yes, sir.

MATT: All right.

AABRIA: By a few.

SAM: Yes, sir.

MATT: You take--

SAM: This is rough.

MATT: -- 21 points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Good god!

AABRIA: How many?

MATT: 21 points of piercing damage

SAM: Oh lordt.

TRAVIS: Mort.

ASHLEY: Oh, holy shit.

AABRIA: That's how you use it!

TRAVIS: That was on the list! Lordt!

MATT: Yep, legendary reaction. Finish there.

TRAVIS: I understand.

MATT: Now, on its turn--

AABRIA: Oh no!

MATT: It's going to do a bite and a constrict attack. It's going to do constrict attack on you, Fearne.

SAM: No!

ASHLEY: Hey!

SAM: She's just a little cutie!

AABRIA: She's just a little cutie.

ASHLEY: I'm just a little guy.

SAM: She's talking to the mice over there in the corner.

(laughter)

MATT: That's going to be a 19 to hit?

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Okay. So one of the tendrils (whip) whips out and hits you for double ones.

SAM: Hey!

MATT: Eight points of bludgeoning damage.

AABRIA: Golly.

MATT: Plus--

SAM: Uh-oh.

AABRIA: Plus?

MATT: That's better. 17 points of slashing damage.

CHRISTIAN: Oh fuck.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: As the tendril wraps around you and as it begins to pull you towards its body, on the inside of that tendril, you can feel fingernails and teeth grinding through, like the interior of a buzzsaw beginning to dig into your body. You are currently grappled.

ASHLEY: Fuck.

SAM: May I take half of that?

ASHLEY: We're not binded.

SAM: I can still take--

ASHLEY: You can still do it?

SAM: I can still take damage.

MATT: You can indeed. So total damage on that was--

SAM: 25, I believe. It was eight plus 17.

MATT: 25, yes. So you take 12, you take 13.

LAURA: What does it do when we're binded?

SAM: I can give you some extra stuff which I will be doing soon.

TRAVIS: Pervy thoughts.

AABRIA: Ooh.

MATT: All right.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs) That's perfect.

MATT: That's the constrict, and then the other bite attack is going to go again for you, FCG.

CHRISTIAN: No!

SAM: Oh me?

MATT: Yep.

SAM: Oh god.

MATT: That's going to be 17 to hit.

SAM: It doesn't hit! I'm an 18 AC.

ASHLEY and LAURA: Woo!

MATT: There you go! The mouth actually opens and closes on you, but the new armor that you've had fitted to your body, it can't pierce before you rustle out of its grip and you feel teeth breaking and hitting the ground, (rattling) scattering before you.

SAM: Don't worry. FRIDA, I'm okay.

TRAVIS: It took more than one attack on its turn, it takes 1d8 necrotic.

MATT: It does indeed. So roll for that.

LAURA: Also, when I did my Lighting Bolt, it would've caught anything on fire that was ignitable in its path.

MATT: Okay, good to know.

TRAVIS: Three points of necrotic damage!

AABRIA: Let's go!

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: The other side of the room is now also beginning to burn.

(laughs)

AABRIA: Hey.

TRAVIS: It's beginning to burn?

AABRIA: That's so interesting.

MATT: From where the lightning bolt struck. All the dried roots and the vegetation--

TRAVIS: Is there any roots in the tree, or do-- is now (flames roaring) starting to catch.

AABRIA: Cool. Cool cool cool.

LAURA: Hi, guys.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Glad you're in here to help with this fight.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Just the ankles.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: You want to jump back in ankles?

LAURA: Just booty.

TRAVIS: Let us know.

SAM: Imogen doesn't wear underwear!

LAURA: On purpose after she fell off the bench. Feet.

(laughter)

MATT: The creature--

LAURA: Oh!

SAM: It can move?

MATT: It shifts over and begins to slither and squeeze somewhat into the space down--

TRAVIS: Ugh, it's red and purple.

MATT: -- cutting off your exit--

AABRIA: When you say shift--

MATT: -- and dividing you from the rest of the party.

TRAVIS: Oh boy!

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: All three of you get--

TRAVIS and MATT: Attacks of opportunity.

MATT: Fearne gets dragged along with it behind as it pulls your tether.

AABRIA: War Caster. I'm casting Inflict Wounds.

MATT: Great.

TRAVIS: Natural one.

MATT: Natural one, that's a miss.

AABRIA: All right. 22 to hit.

MATT: 22 hits, roll damage.

SAM: I rolled another two.

MATT: Aw, FCG!

LAURA: Aw, again!

SAM: (buzz fading into distance)

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: 15 points of necrotic damage.

MATT: 15 points necrotic damage.

TRAVIS: Yo!

MATT: You got it.

SAM: All right. Finally doing some damage.

MATT: As it slithers down, after you finish carving through a bit, as soon as the necrotic energy bursts away, you can see parts of the weird shifting flesh on its body darkens black and ashes off into a pile of dark dust. You see part of its physical form is now diminished slightly from the few impacts that it's taken.

AABRIA: Okay.

SAM: Oh! It's almost dead.

MATT: But it moves over--

SAM: Looking real rough?

MATT: Huh? It's not looking rough.

AABRIA: Stop! Don't say it like that!

TRAVIS: I mean, generally it looks rough. (laughs)

MATT: I mean, yeah. It's hard to gauge.

(laughs)

AABRIA: How many of its butts fell off?

MATT: Like four.

AABRIA: Okay.

AABRIA: He's doing fine. There's 12 more.

SAM: Which is only 10%.

MATT: It's less four butts.

TRAVIS: It's just butt cheeks--

MATT: Finishing its go, Deanna, you're up.

LAURA: Does that mean four butts just rolled down the stairs?

MATT: (springy bouncing)

LAURA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: And they all hit you in the face.

MATT: Deanna, you're up. Fearne, you're on deck.

ASHLEY: Okay.

LAURA: Now, they hit me in the ankle.

AABRIA: Shoot, I don't want to get closer to it, so I'm not going to. Let's just Guiding Bolt it--

MATT: Go for it.

AABRIA: -- from here. We'll go 2nd-level Guiding Bolt.

SAM: Up its butt?

AABRIA: Up its butt.

TRAVIS: ♪ Right up the butt ♪

AABRIA: It's not great. 17 to hit?

MATT: 17 does hit.

AABRIA: Whew, thank goodness.

MATT: It doesn't have a massive AC.

SAM: But it has a massive ass.

MATT: Yeah. Oh yeah. This bitch is thicc.

(laughter)

AABRIA: All right.

SAM: Ooh, there's some good numbers there.

AABRIA: Yeah. What's nine plus 10? 19.

MATT: 19.

(laughter)

MATT: That is right.

AABRIA: We did it. We got there.

TRAVIS: Nobody saw it. Nobody saw.

AABRIA: (laughs) Nobody saw it. 19 points.

MATT: 19 points of radiant damage and it is now glowing a bright, vibrant color for the next one who tries to strike it has advantage.

LAURA: Yay!

AABRIA: Can I move--

CHRISTIAN: Tear that ass off.

LAURA: Get it!

AABRIA: -- away from the fire? Look, I've got 15. (laughs) My movement's 15 and, with difficult terrain, I think I can move a quarter of an inch. So can you scooch me slightly?

MATT: Towards it or away from it?

AABRIA: I just don't want to be next to Letters because he's getting fucked up by this thing.

MATT: Okay, so you want to move closer to Fearne?

AABRIA: Yeah, let's do that. Fearne, help! (laughs)

MATT: So you shift over--

ASHLEY: Hello!

MATT: -- and stumble over some of the rocks, the flame heat behind you is starting to make you sweat.

AABRIA: Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! It's hot and bad here, it's hot and bad here.

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah. This is intense.

MATT: End of your turn, it's going to use two legendary actions to consume.

TRAVIS: Who!? Who's it consuming!?

AABRIA: No, thank you.

MATT: Well, Fearne is currently the one that is constricted by it.

AABRIA: Wait, I went the bad way!

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: That's a natural 20.

ASHLEY: No!

AABRIA: (gasps)

TRAVIS: Oh!

LAURA: Can you please do something?

SAM: I didn't bind with her.

(laughs)

ASHLEY: If you don't bind, that's always a bad sign for the person that gets fucked up.

AABRIA: It's almost perfect.

ASHLEY: It's almost perfect.

TRAVIS: (laughing) Wow.

AABRIA: He keeps rolling.

TRAVIS: That's a bad face.

SAM: I've already taken half damage on this one.

MATT: That is going to be 30 points of bludgeoning damage.

LAURA: (gasps)

SAM: I can't take it.

ASHLEY: Okay.

SAM: I can't take it.

MATT: And 24 points of slashing damage.

LAURA and TRAVIS: (gasps)

CHRISTIAN: What?

MATT: Because it was a natural 20.

LAURA: Are you still up?

TRAVIS: 54?

ASHLEY: What was the second number?

MATT: 24.

TRAVIS: 24.

ASHLEY: I'm down.

ASHLEY: (gasps) I'm down.

MATT: You watch as Fearne just gets eaten--

CHRISTIAN: Eaten?

MATT: -- by the creature.

SAM: Oh!

ASHLEY: (garbled yelling)

AABRIA: Fearne is back-- No! (laughs)

SAM: Oh no, you guys.

AABRIA: Okay, interesting, interesting, interesting.

LAURA: Matthew.

TRAVIS: We have no Revivify.

MATT: I rolled a natural 20! That wasn't my fault, that was the dice. (laughs)

ASHLEY: Matthew, how dare you roll a natural 20!

TRAVIS: No Revivify.

AABRIA: Motherfucker.

LAURA: (gasps)

SAM: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

TRAVIS: The gods are shorted out.

SAM: We got two clerics here.

LAURA: We've got to cure her really fast!

AABRIA: Yeah, we're okay, we're okay, we're okay.

TRAVIS: Yeah, she's--

LAURA: We got to get her out!

TRAVIS: -- inside the meat doughnut!

LAURA: Stop it.

MATT: Well, Fearne, it's your turn.

LAURA: Stop it.

SAM: Oh shit. Death save.

TRAVIS: (laughs nervously)

LAURA: Does she take two?

SAM: Oh no, does she take--

MATT: No, you don't take acid damage until the creature's turn.

(laughs)

SAM: And she doesn't take psychic damage because she has no brain right now?

MATT: Correct.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: But at the end of your turn, I need you to make a death save.

ASHLEY: What am I doing?

MATT: Make a death save.

ASHLEY: I'm making a death save right now?

MATT: Yes.

ASHLEY: Okay.

SAM: I'm in the 50s.

MATT: Just a natural-- Just roll a d20.

ASHLEY: Roll a d20?

TRAVIS: North of 10.

ASHLEY: North of 10?

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: 10 or higher, yeah.

SAM: For Healing Word, you have to see--

ASHLEY: Nine.

MATT: Okay. That's one failed death save.

AABRIA: Jesus Christ.

SAM: Healing Word you have to see them.

(laughs)

TRAVIS: That's fucking great.

TRAVIS: You went half Beelzebub. You were like--

(laughter)

MATT: Oof!

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

TRAVIS: Oh fuck!

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Okay. And that's what I do on my turn, I just do a death saving throw?

MATT: That's your turn, yes. The last thing you saw was darkness swallowing you as pain engulfed your body and you've been unconscious.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm getting hot. I'm getting hot!

TRAVIS: ♪ Hello, darkness ♪

TRAVIS and ASHLEY: ♪ My old friend ♪

MATT: Top of the round, FRIDA, you're up. You just watched Fearne disappear.

TRAVIS: Matt, where is your chill, dude?

ASHLEY: I'm sitting on my sleeve!

CHRISTIAN: I'm going to stick my hand inside of it and try and grab onto her.

MATT: You try and feel for her?

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

MATT: All right, I need you to make an athletics check.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

MATT: It's contested, which it has disadvantage on because of your thing.

TRAVIS: It does!

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. Guidance!

CHRISTIAN: 15, are you going to Guide?

LAURA: No, I can't.

CHRISTIAN: A 15.

ASHLEY: Guidance.

TRAVIS: Thank you for remembering us.

MATT: Natural 20, but with the disadvantage brings it to a 13.

TRAVIS: Ooh.

ASHLEY: Yes!

CHRISTIAN: Spare the Dying.

MATT: You push into its body and it hurts.

ASHLEY: Don't you have advantage with Guiding Bolt?

TRAVIS: He got it.

ASHLEY: Oh, you did? Sorry, sorry, sorry.

MATT: Yeah. With this, I would say you take two points of piercing damage just pushing through the body. You reach in for something that feels different from this terrible blender you're essentially trying to squeeze past. Until eventually, you find something that feels soft and furrier, and as you pull back, you have a hoof and you yank until eventually you watch this creature--

LAURA:You pulled her out.

MATT: -- "Ace Ventura" give birth to Fearne.

ASHLEY: Yes!

LAURA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Rhino butt.

SAM: She's out?

ASHLEY: I've always wanted an "Ace Ventura" birth.

SAM: And she's alive?

TRAVIS: Spare the Dying.

AABRIA: She's unconscious, but stable.

LAURA: What does that do again? I know because we were clerics.

SAM: No more death saves.

AABRIA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

CHRISTIAN: Spare the Dying.

LAURA: I never, ever cast that.

CHRISTIAN: If I action surge right now--

AABRIA: Fucking clerics.

MATT: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Do I have my attacks?

MATT: If you action surge, then yes.

CHRISTIAN: I'm going to action surge. So I'll pull her out, Spare the Dying.

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Action surge.

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: And I get one shot?

MATT: You get one shot because it's reload, shoot and then, yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah. I'm going to Sharpshooter this.

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: I'm going to use a grit point to give myself advantage.

MATT: Go for it, yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Do it.

ASHLEY: I'm whipping my head around so my horns-- Oh no, I'm dead, never mind.

MATT: You're unconscious.

ASHLEY: I'm unconscious.

LAURA: That's a 12, right? You know you're rolling a 12? Okay, yes.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah. And that's a--

AABRIA: (laughs)

LAURA: Just making sure.

CHRISTIAN: Nine plus 10 is 19, 21.

MATT: 21?

CHRISTIAN: 22.

MATT: 22 minus five.

CHRISTIAN: Minus five. Because of Sharpshooter.

MATT: Brings it to a 17.

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

MATT: That does hit.

LAURA: Ha ha ha!

AABRIA: Let's go.

CHRISTIAN: Excellent.

MATT: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Get him.

AABRIA: I'm so hot.

CHRISTIAN: 2d8--

AABRIA: How much HP do you have?

CHRISTIAN: Plus six.

LAURA: I've still got a lot.

CHRISTIAN: That's awful. Three plus six is nine plus 10 is 19 points of damage.

MATT: 19 points of damage. You got it, another 19.

ASHLEY: Okay, that's pretty good.

CHRISTIAN: My movement. Where am I? I guess if I move, I'm going to take-- I'm going to move in front of Fearne. I'm going to position myself in front of Fearne.

MATT: Okay, so you're going to push into this space and loosely protect Fearne's body with yourself getting in front of the way.

SAM: Oh, FRIDA.

CHRISTIAN: I'll yell back: FCG, I think she needs some help.

SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yeah.

CHRISTIAN: That's my turn.

SAM: I'm coming.

MATT: End of your turn, it's going to use another legendary action to bite at you since you reached into it and pulled forth whatever it was trying to devour. That's going to put it at a 16 to hit?

CHRISTIAN: That does not hit.

MATT: That does not hit. It tries to snap towards you. One of the jaws extends and (chomps) and you pull out of the center of its focus just in time. Finishing your turn then, FRIDA. Chetney, you're up, with FCG on deck.

TRAVIS: FCG, do you need to be able to see her to heal?

SAM: She's out.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I know, but do you need to be able to see her?

SAM: I can do it-- I can do something else to heal her if she's unseen.

TRAVIS: Cool, I'm going to reach out with my sexy claws.

MATT: Yeah?

TRAVIS: And be like: Can't see this. I'm going to touch Fearne and cast Invisibility on her.

ASHLEY: ♪ Can't touch this ♪

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

MATT: All right.

CHRISTIAN: I went John Cena.

AABRIA: Yeah, I got it.

CHRISTIAN: ♪ (hums "My Time is Now") ♪

SAM: You got it?

AABRIA: Life cleric, I got it. This is all I'm here for.

MATT: There we have an invisible Fearne on the battlefield right there.

TRAVIS: And with my bonus action, I'm going to again cast Bloated Agony because I have some more of these and I will Amplify it this time.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: So a d6. So four points of damage to me.

AABRIA: Sounds rough, buddy.

TRAVIS: That is up for a minute now and you can make a con save on the end of each turn.

MATT: On its turn to get rid of it.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: You got it, okay.

SAM: ♪ Feel me ♪

TRAVIS: Take four and that's my--?

SAM: ♪ Touch me ♪

MATT: That's your bonus action, and that's your action to cast it.

SAM: ♪ Heal me ♪

TRAVIS: And I can move-- Am I within its melee currently--

SAM: ♪ See me ♪

TRAVIS: -- or did it move away?

ASHLEY: ♪ Heal me ♪

MATT: It's about five-- sorry, it's 10 feet from you.

ASHLEY: ♪ Touch me ♪

TRAVIS: I'm going to back up against the wall and get some space.

SAM and ASHLEY: ♪ Heal me ♪

MATT: This way or this way?

TRAVIS: Back up toward that rock pile, yeah.

MATT: Here?

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's great.

MATT: Okay. As you leave its 10-foot reach--

TRAVIS: You motherfucker.

MATT: One of the tendrils.

TRAVIS: You baited me.

MATT: (slashes)

TRAVIS: You got me!

CHRISTIAN: Are you okay?

TRAVIS: Son of a bitch.

MATT: For a 25 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits, you bastard.

AABRIA: It hits.

TRAVIS: You knew what you were doing.

MATT: I'm just offering information.

TRAVIS: (wheezing)

AABRIA: "I'm just offering information."

MATT: You take 15 points of bludgeoning damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: And 11 points of slashing damage.

TRAVIS: Got it.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Cool.

MATT: That finishes your go?

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: All righty. That brings us to FCG, with Imogen on deck.

CHRISTIAN: Go get 'em, baby.

SAM: I will not heal Fearne.

AABRIA: I got you.

CHRISTIAN: Everything's going to plan.

SAM: Because--

AABRIA: Thank you.

SAM: -- I'm going to give that honor to Deanna.

AABRIA: Trust the process. Let her cook.

SAM: Instead--

(laughter)

ASHLEY: (death noises)

SAM: You already went?

TRAVIS: Yep.

SAM: Shit, okay. Instead, I'll just attack. I have all these extra hit points I got to dump. So I will attack with my little-- oh, you know what? Let's say that what's- his-butt modified me. What was his name, Jaquoby? Jaquoby modified me. I used to shoot-- my bolt-thrower would come out of a little hole right here, but now it's changed. Now it looks like your gun.

CHRISTIAN: Hell yeah.

MATT: Slick.

SAM: So it opens up right there and I'll shoot my bolt thrower at the thing.

MATT: Hell yeah, I love it.

TRAVIS: Touch holes.

SAM: No, it's cocked. It's all kind of cocked.

MATT: (chuckles)

SAM: Okay. 14.

ASHLEY: (groans)

SAM: (laughs)

MATT: 14, unfortunately, does not hit.

TRAVIS: Aww.

ASHLEY: Dang it.

AABRIA: But it was cool when you described it.

MATT: It was pretty cool.

SAM: All right.

MATT: (buzzes, clanging)

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Jaquoby, goddamn it!

(laughter)

MATT: The spring's a little off.

TRAVIS: Get your shit together.

AABRIA: Why'd he put a Nerf gun in you, dude?

(laughter)

SAM: I got to charge it up for the next round. It's like a Super Soaker.

ASHLEY: What's going on?

(laughter)

AABRIA: I get the joke, but--

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: Please gif that, thank you so much.

TRAVIS: It was a jam in the summer.

MATT: That finish your turn, you want to move? It's starting to get a little warm over there.

SAM: Wait, there's fire over there?

LAURA: It's on fire.

SAM: Oh, because you set it on fire?

AABRIA: ♪ This room is on fire ♪

LAURA: You know, I was just trying to hit it.

TRAVIS: Kill everybody.

SAM: I will rock away from it, not getting any further away.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: In front of Chetney?

SAM: Yeah, sure.

MATT: That's about four, so you can get there.

SAM: Bonus action.

MATT: You still have your Spiritual Weapon up.

SAM: I know, that's what I'm saying. If I hit with a Spiritual Weapon, I can dump my temporary hit points through that or it has to be through a melee weapon?

MATT: I'll allow it.

LAURA: It might be weak to fire because it moved away from the fire.

SAM: Yeah?

MATT: It's a magical effect.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: It's part of your Divinity.

SAM: Okay, I will hit it if my Spiritual Weapon can get close enough.

MATT: Yeah, it still hasn't left its range.

SAM: Then it's finished rolling up and--

MATT: (whip crack)

SAM: -- it will locker room whip it.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Whip it good.

SAM: Natural one.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Oh my god.

LAURA: Are you rolling the same dice every time or is it difference dice?

TRAVIS: We're trying not to die. What?

SAM: I take 12 hit points.

MATT: Yes, you do.

TRAVIS: Oh man.

SAM: Immediately. (yelps)

MATT: The towel's a little soggy.

TRAVIS: Jaquoby.

(laughter)

SAM: I'm sorry, guys.

CHRISTIAN: Don't blame Jaquoby.

SAM: It's not going great.

CHRISTIAN: Jaquoby does a great job.

AABRIA: You're doing great.

TRAVIS: Fuck!

AABRIA: Yike.

TRAVIS: I'd like to lodge a complaint.

(laughter)

AABRIA: With the Better Business Bureau.

SAM: That's it.

MATT: All right, oh, and to also bring it back, because you were in melee with it at the beginning of your turn, you did take two points of psychic damage.

SAM: Cool.

AABRIA: Jump. Sh-- Shit.

MATT: All right, so bringing us back to Imogen. You're at the bottom of the stairs.

AABRIA: Stand up and help us, goddamn it.

MATT: A little sore.

LAURA: Ow, ow.

TRAVIS: You can only improve.

LAURA: That's what you--

SAM: Wait, can she-- Is the volume of his body covering the entire threshold?

MATT: Most of it, yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, so I can't come back up.

AABRIA: Just shoot it in the under-butt.

MATT: Not unless you try and squeeze through.

LAURA: How about I don't try to get closer to it again after what happened?

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Don't die.

LAURA: I'm going to get up and look up at its butt.

MATT: Yep, it's starting to (squelches).

ASHLEY: Ugh.

LAURA: It's starting to slop down?

TRAVIS: It's pooping through.

AABRIA: Hey, what if we--

MATT: Yep, it's pooping through.

AABRIA: -- don't use that word no more?

LAURA: Okay, I am going to spend one of my sorcery points to double my distance.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I'm going to, at 4th-level, get really pissed that I fell down the stairs and I'm going to try to Inflict Wounds on it.

TRAVIS: On the poop?

AABRIA: Let's go.

LAURA: From a distance.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Slopdolly in the quagmire.

MATT: Roll your attack on that.

ASHLEY: ♪ From a distance ♪

LAURA: Okay. ♪ From a distance ♪

TRAVIS: I'm a head football coach.

LAURA: That's a 14.

TRAVIS: Well hell, mopping a slopdolly--

LAURA: No!

MATT: What was that a total of?

AABRIA: What happened?

LAURA: 14.

MATT: 14, unfortunately, is going to miss.

ASHLEY: (groans)

AABRIA: Son of a bitch.

CHRISTIAN: Oh fuck.

LAURA: I just wasted a 4th-level on a miss.

TRAVIS: Are you using the same dice?

ASHLEY: Oh no.

LAURA: Huh?

AABRIA: That's hurtful.

TRAVIS: I know.

LAURA: Am I what?

TRAVIS: Are you using the same dice?

AABRIA: Nothing! Don't say it again!

LAURA: No, I wasn't, actually.

TRAVIS: Why'd you say it twice? Yeah, you get what you get.

TRAVIS: Do you feel the fire beams?

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: They're burning my body.

(pained yell)

AABRIA: Hey, Laura?

TRAVIS: Charcoal.

LAURA: What?

AABRIA: Just say "Parmesan" if you want me to hit him.

LAURA: Parmesan.

TRAVIS: Oklahoma, safeword.

(laughter)

MATT: Do you want to move? You have 15 feet of movement still from there.

LAURA: What am I going to do? Where am I going to go?!

MATT: That's a good question.

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Oh.

AABRIA: Matt is mean today.

MATT: I'm not!

AABRIA: And I like it.

LAURA: Ugh! I'm going to take my telekinetic force and I'm going to yank him down five feet to really lock him in place.

TRAVIS: You grabbing the little testes that are coming through?

LAURA: Yeah! Telekinetically pull his little butt. It's not going to do anything, but I'm just going to do it because I'm angry.

MATT: It rolled a 16. What's the DC?

LAURA: 17! Ha ha ha!

MATT: 17. (crunches) It does get partly plungered partway down.

LAURA: Great. That's all I can do.

MATT: All right, sorry.

LAURA: I'm going to back up to the bottom of the stairs.

AABRIA: ♪ Back, back, back it up ♪

LAURA: I don't want to be within reach of a tentacle or something.

MATT: So you get to the bottom of the steps there.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right, you got it. Finishing your turn, it's now back.

LAURA: (yelling) Sorry, y'all!

AABRIA: What?

TRAVIS: We don't hear anything.

LAURA: You might.

MATT: Hatemonger's turn is back. All right, so it gets its legendary actions back. At the top of the turn, it's going to--

LAURA: Damn it.

TRAVIS: (quiet sneeze)

AABRIA: Bless you.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

MATT: Gesundheit. Yeah. In the center of its body, you watch as one of the mouths cracks wider on one side and then tears on the other and this large mouth, 15 feet from side to side, almost like Pac-Man's open on one the side. (growls)

TRAVIS: So "John Carpenter's The Thing."

MATT: But it's not filled with teeth. It's just a giant gummed entrance with a swirling throat behind it.

ASHLEY and AABRIA: Ew!

MATT: You hear the sound, (gurgles) this awful sucking noise before (boom) black miasma from the corruption of the forest spills out of it in a front direction.

ASHLEY: Uh-oh.

TRAVIS: We sure we don't want to talk to it?

AABRIA: I don't want to be barfed uponst.

CHRISTIAN: Oh god.

TRAVIS: Are we sure we don't want to talk to it?

LAURA: Oh no.

ASHLEY: Uh-oh.

MATT: To FRIDA.

LAURA: Uh-oh.

MATT: Let's see, yeah, I could get all four of you there.

AABRIA: Who's all four?

MATT: I'm going to need FRIDA, Fearne, FCG, and Chetney to all roll constitution saving throws for me, please.

SAM: Fearne?

ASHLEY: Wait, so I can roll a constitution saving throw?

MATT: You can because-- AABRIA You mean Fearne or Deanna?

MATT: Fearne.

AABRIA: Because Fearne's invisible. Damn, yeah, okay.

MATT: It doesn't know you're there, but you happen to unfortunately be in that space.

ASHLEY: In the space of the thing.

SAM: Is Fearne going to die right now?

CHRISTIAN: I don't know if this matters, but I am standing in front of her. Would I eat that?

MATT: It's a cloud that--

TRAVIS: Did Fearne go?

MATT: -- suffuses the space.

AABRIA: She's stable.

MATT: Fearne did, but she was unconscious.

ASHLEY: Did-Did-Did-- Is this--

LAURA: I don't understand. So if she fails a constitution saving throw, is that two more failed death saves?

MATT: No, it's just a single.

LAURA: Okay.

AABRIA: Yeah, Spare the Dying should reset that.

LAURA: You haven't taken any fails yet?

MATT and ASHLEY: Just one fail.

AABRIA: Doesn't Spare the Dying reset that?

MATT: A melee strike on somebody who's unconscious--

LAURA: Right.

MATT: -- is an auto-two, but this isn't a melee strike, this is just a cone.

LAURA: But Spare the Dying doesn't reset the death saves?

MATT: It prevents further ones from happening.

LAURA: Got it.

MATT: Unless they strike it again.

CHRISTIAN: Oh shit.

MATT: I think. I'll double-check it again, but regardless.

ASHLEY: I have advantage against spells and other magical effects. Is this what that is?

MATT: This is not.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: The miasma is technically magical in nature, so I will say yes.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

MATT: So?

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: 18, that is a success. You take six points of necrotic damage and you're good there, all right.

AABRIA: I didn't take any.

MATT: And then?

SAM: 17.

MATT: 17, you take six points of necrotic damage.

CHRISTIAN: 19.

MATT: 19, six points of necrotic damage.

ASHLEY: Nine.

MATT: You take 12 points of necrotic damage and your maximum hit points are reduced by five.

AABRIA: Son of a bitch.

TRAVIS: Dang.

ASHLEY: Wait.

TRAVIS: This miasma.

ASHLEY: What do I do?

AABRIA: You're just back in death saves.

ASHLEY: I'm back in death?

MATT: You just take, yeah--

AABRIA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I just took--

MATT: So you took one death save.

ASHLEY: I took one.

SAM: Stabilized.

MATT: Who cast?

CHRISTIAN: I Spared the Dying.

MATT: Spare the Dying. So you stabilized.

ASHLEY: So then I get rid of that?

MATT: So now you take another death save.

SAM: So you've got two death saves.

ASHLEY: So I have two death saves. Holy shit.

SAM: Holy shit.

LAURA: But, Deanna, you're next.

AABRIA: Okay, this is going good. Yes.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm not going to use that one dice anymore.

TRAVIS: And your total hit point maximum comes down five.

ASHLEY: Copy that.

SAM: Jesus.

ASHLEY: For forever?

LAURA: Until you're cured.

ASHLEY: For until I'm cured, okay. Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I'm down by five.

MATT: That's going to be its--

TRAVIS: I don't need this stress.

MATT: It's now going to continue to slither down.

TRAVIS: No!

LAURA: Oh no! It can fit down, it can fit?

MATT: It like (squelches)--

SAM: It's like an octopus.

TRAVIS: Ugh.

MATT: -- begins to fit down.

ASHLEY: Ew!

AABRIA: Exactly, right?

CHRISTIAN: Attack of opportunity?

SAM: Can it fit through a?

AABRIA: Don't do that!

MATT: Yes, you would get a melee attack of opportunity, unless you have--

AABRIA: War Caster.

CHRISTIAN: I have a scimitar.

MATT: Yeah, you can whip it out.

CHRISTIAN: It doesn't hit.

AABRIA: Aabria, just shut up.

ASHLEY: Fuck.

CHRISTIAN: No good, yeah.

MATT: It's still technically occupying the space. The top of this is poking through and visible.

CHRISTIAN: So it doesn't matter, yeah.

MATT: Yeah. But it does move, I'd say, technically, out of your melee range, so you strike at it. (whoosh) You don't manage to make an impact, unfortunately.

SAM: Is it going after Imogen or is it just trying to leave? Where is it going?

AABRIA: Is it hot?

LAURA: Maybe it's scared of fire.

CHRISTIAN: I like that. Great job.

SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: Shit.

MATT: All righty. That finishing its go. Deanna, you're up, with Fearne on deck.

AABRIA: Okay. Who's under half their total HP?

SAM: Everyone.

LAURA: No, not me.

CHRISTIAN: Not me.

AABRIA: No, no? Are you?

SAM: I am.

AABRIA: Are you?

TRAVIS: No.

AABRIA: Okay, so just you two. So I'm going to as an action, Channel Divinity, Preserve Life. You get up to half your HP back.

ASHLEY: (gasps)

CHRISTIAN: Nice.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Do you have to see them?

AABRIA: No.

MATT: Great. That's fantastic.

AABRIA: Just within 30 feet of me.

MATT: That's great.

TRAVIS: Whoa.

ASHLEY: So that means--

CHRISTIAN: Death saves are gone.

AABRIA and ASHLEY: Death saves are gone.

AABRIA: And you're back up.

MATT: Correct.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

MATT: You're conscious at least.

ASHLEY: I'm conscious.

MATT: You're still invisible.

ASHLEY: How do I do this?

AABRIA: Still invisible, which is good.

LAURA: Just heal yourself for--

CHRISTIAN: Half.

TRAVIS: Half of what your--

MATT: I need you to make a constitution saving throw because you did take damage from that.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

AABRIA: How many is that?

ASHLEY: What's half of 53?

SAM: 26.

TRAVIS: Constitution 11.

MATT: 11? Yeah, you're fine, it's higher than 10.

AABRIA: Shit, I still have so much much left. Can I just use it all? Can I just use my thing differently than how it's written? No? Cool.

LAURA: (laughs)

AABRIA: I know. You can go back up to half.

SAM: That's it?

TRAVIS: You should make a con save to see if you can get rid of--

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: Oh yeah.

AABRIA: It's kind of a last resort.

SAM: But thank you.

MATT: That is going to be a 21. So yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah?

AABRIA: Yeah, okay.

SAM: Thank you.

MATT: It is no longer under that.

AABRIA: That was my action.

MATT: Good looking out.

ASHLEY: Okay, that's amazing.

TRAVIS: Amplify those things.

ASHLEY: That's amazing.

TRAVIS: Fuck.

ASHLEY: Thank you.

AABRIA: And then bonus action, let's--

MATT: It happens to have a decent constitution.

TRAVIS: Good to know.

AABRIA: Spiritual Weapon.

MATT: All right, what's this one look like?

AABRIA: A fucking DivaCup for this weird period stain..

ASHLEY: Yes!

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Let's go, DivaCup.

AABRIA: I'm going to block the top of it.

LAURA: Just until it drips a little bit.

ASHLEY: Yep.

MATT: It's got a towel and a DivaCup coming at this.

AABRIA: For a heavy day.

MATT: This is a wonderful lesson in hygiene for all of our viewers.

AABRIA: But I don't hit, so it doesn't matter.

MATT: Okay. (laughs) Two ineffectual toiletries--

TRAVIS: Fellas, be warned.

MATT: -- just slapping against this thing.

TRAVIS: Be warned, you don't got to look it up.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

MATT: That's awesome.

AABRIA: That's my turn.

MATT: You going to stay put? It's getting warm.

AABRIA: I'll start moving towards the staircase.

LAURA: I'm getting a little nervous.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: Yeah, that's as far as I can get. Cool, that's me.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: Okay. Fearne, you are now conscious on the ground, a little rejuvenated from a severely beat position.

ASHLEY: I can't see my hands, I can't see my hands!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: You're welcome.

ASHLEY: Oh, I'm invisible, okay.

MATT: You're invisible.

ASHLEY: Where did Aunt Flo go?

(laughter)

AABRIA: It's going down the stairs.

MATT: You can see it (squelches) up at the top. It's starting to show a little damage.

ASHLEY: All right, so I can see a little bit of the tip of it?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Just the tip.

ASHLEY: Okay. All right, so what I'll do is because I was just close to death.

AABRIA: Real close.

ASHLEY: Real close, I'm looking a little wild, and I'm going to cast Blight.

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: Best spell.

MATT: Constitution saving throw?

ASHLEY: Yes, 18.

MATT: 18. That is a failure, but it's going to use a legendary resistance to succeed.

AABRIA: Motherfucker.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

MATT: So it takes half damage, so 8d8 necrotic damage.

LAURA: Is that its third resistance or second resistance?

MATT: That was the second.

AABRIA: Does this thing have eyes, by the way?

MATT: Occasionally, you see what might look like an eye.

AABRIA: You can't say "occasionally" as the answer.

TRAVIS: Occasionally.

AABRIA: That's crazy.

LAURA: Is it constantly swirling?

MATT: Kind of, it's trying to find a form and it's failing to do so.

TRAVIS: Rough, bro, rough.

AABRIA: Ugh. Does it look like any of us a little bit?

MATT: Make a perception check.

AABRIA and LAURA: (gasp)

AABRIA: Cool.

LAURA: Ew.

AABRIA: 17.

MATT: 17, occasionally some of the skin, you can see almost a face push through that looks like FRIDA's face or like an Imogen face screaming like it's pushing against the skin, like it's behind a curtain before it emerges back in.

AABRIA: A roll I wish I had failed.

CHRISTIAN: No bueno.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: (retches)

TRAVIS: Dude.

ASHLEY: Okay, 44 points of damage.

MATT: That's great, so reduced to 22, which is still a big old chunk.

ASHLEY: That's okay, okay.

SAM: Chonkers.

MATT: You focus your nature's fury into this creature. It is by its own physical existence, a corrupt entity, but this is a different type of corruption. This is pure decay on the arc of nature and as you strike it with the spell, the blackness spreads across its body and you watch as large chunks of its form begin to crumble into ash and tumble off. Fearne, you see-- sorry, Imogen, you look over and see down the stairs, like bits of it are (thudding downstairs) and then it hits three or four stairs, then before (vaporizing) scatters into ash.

LAURA: (stammering) Oh, all right.

ASHLEY: Great, great. We're doing something.

TRAVIS: (stammers) All right, all right.

AABRIA: Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

MATT: Do you want to get up?

ASHLEY: Nah.

AABRIA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'll get up, I'll get up.

MATT: Okay, you get up. You are now visible because you cast a spell.

ASHLEY: Okay. Okay, yes, that's right, okay.

AABRIA: Hi.

ASHLEY: Hi. Thank you.

AABRIA: Yeah, don't die, please.

ASHLEY: I felt like your essence, and it was wonderful. Thank you.

(shivers)

MATT: (laughs)

(laughter)

AABRIA: Okay. (laughs)

MATT: That finishes your turn, Fearne?

AABRIA: What is happening?

TRAVIS: They're doing six-second charades.

AABRIA: I don't like short-form improv. Get the fuck out of here.

(laughter)

MATT: Does that finish your turn? Do you want to move anywhere?

ASHLEY: I will move up against the circle that is--

LAURA: Yes, yes!

MATT: Okay, so five--

SAM: Yaaas, yaaas.

MATT: (counting) 25, 30. You're five feet from it right now. It's right there on the wall.

ASHLEY: Great, okay. Okay, and that's my turn.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS and ASHLEY: (slurp)

TRAVIS: Come on!

MATT: Finishing your turn, it's going to take a legendary action to chew you, FRIDA, as you're the one it's closest to at the moment. Oh, that's going to be a 27 to hit.

SAM: No, not his face!

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: All right, for that you take--

AABRIA: Your face is perfect no matter what.

MATT: It's a really shitty roll, though.

AABRIA: That'll buff out.

MATT: 12 points of piercing damage.

AABRIA: Cotton ShamWow.

(laughter)

SAM: How you doing over there, FRIDA?

CHRISTIAN: Sitting pretty, baby.

TRAVIS: They're tough, man.

AABRIA: Are you lying?

LAURA: They're tough.

CHRISTIAN: No, I'm not.

MATT: Top of the round.

CHRISTIAN: It's not in my programming to lie.

MATT: The flames--

TRAVIS: Yes.

SAM: Flames!

MATT: -- begin to spread.

LAURA: Uh-oh.

SAM: Flames!

AABRIA: Ah, shit.

LAURA: Ruh-oh.

MATT: This dried tree that's grown on the inside of the tower is now beginning to catch.

AABRIA: Oops.

TRAVIS: Was there anything underneath the roots of the branches of the tree, valuable sword palladium, death-killing (gibberish).

AABRIA: Ooh!

MATT: Who knows? But nevertheless, that brings us to the top. FRIDA, you're up, with Chetney on deck.

CHRISTIAN: I will look at that fire.

SAM: ♪ ("Part of Your World") ♪ Look at that fire ♪

SAM, AABRIA, and CHRISTIAN: ♪ Isn't it neat ♪

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: I'm going to very calmly walk towards the fire.

MATT: ♪ Don't you want somebody to stop all this heat ♪

AABRIA: You're going to get YMCA'ed. Everyone shut the fuck up.

TRAVIS: Stop all this meat.

CHRISTIAN: I'm going to pull out my crossbow. I'm going to light one of the arrows on fire.

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: And shoot.

MATT: So you're going to walk over this way.

ASHLEY: Cool.

CHRISTIAN: I'll walk over there.

MATT: Three. (fire whooshing) You can feel the intensity of the heat. You take the crossbow, hold it in the air. You feel your whole arm begin to heat up, just in the proximity of the flame catches. You turn around and fire the bolt. Roll for an attack.

ASHLEY and LAURA: Cool.

AABRIA: FRIDA, you're so cool.

CHRISTIAN: Sharpshooter.

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: I don't know if this'll work.

TRAVIS: ♪ Feel the heat ♪

AABRIA: ♪ Roll a billion ♪

CHRISTIAN: 18 to hit.

MATT: 18 to hit.

CHRISTIAN: Minus five, 13.

ASHLEY: Guidance.

MATT: 13.

ASHLEY: Guidance, can I Guide him?

MATT: Unfortunately, he's not next to you.

ASHLEY: Shit.

MATT: So 13 does miss, unfortunately.

CHRISTIAN: I'll do it again.

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah. Sharpshooter again.

AABRIA: Roll higher.

LAURA: Yeah!

CHRISTIAN: That's great. 18 plus 10, 28 minus five is 23.

MATT: 23. It does have half cover because it's partially between the floors, but it still hits.

CHRISTIAN: Do I ignore that with Sharpshooter?

MATT: You do actually ignore that with Sharpshooter. Yeah, nevertheless, you still hit.

ASHLEY: Great.

MATT: So roll your damage with that.

CHRISTIAN: 1d8 plus four, plus 10, so that's, yeah, that's five plus four is nine, plus 10 is 19 points of damage.

MATT: Great, add a d6 of fire on that.

LAURA: Yeah. Whoa, whoa!

MATT: Oh god, oh god!

AABRIA: Jesus!

MATT: Hot table!

AABRIA: Calm down.

CHRISTIAN: Two points.

MATT: All right, so 21 points of damage to it.

TRAVIS: Nice.

MATT: Okay, and then--

TRAVIS: Does it look like it reacts poorly to the fire?

MATT: It doesn't seem to like it as the flames strike inside of it and you hear a bunch of the baying mouths that are occasionally emerging, now pushing out at once and all screaming together like a bunch of high-pitched wolf screams, like (howling screams) all different places. It doesn't seem to like the fire.

LAURA: Okie doke.

CHRISTIAN: Okay, bonus action.

ASHLEY: (high-pitched) Yep!

CHRISTIAN: Bonus action Healing Word.

ASHLEY: Mom!

MATT: If you'd like to. Well, you used your bonus action to reload-- well, this is your crossbow, right?

CHRISTIAN: Yes, I used my crossbow, yes.

MATT: So you're good, so yes, you would still have the bonus action.

CHRISTIAN: I will bonus action Healing Word, Faithful Care-Giver.

SAM: Oh, hey now.

MATT: All righty.

CHRISTIAN: 1d4 plus six, so.

SAM: That's just sweet.

CHRISTIAN: Where's my d4?

MATT: d4 plus your wisdom modifier, I think.

CHRISTIAN: One plus six is seven points of healing.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I'll take it. I'll love it.

CHRISTIAN: It says here 1d4 plus six.

MATT: Great, yeah, all righty, so you take that. Does that finish your turn?

CHRISTIAN: That does finish-- I'll move a little bit away from the flame because my metal's getting a little hot.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I forgot to say when I cast Blight.

MATT: Let's see, five, 10, 15, 20--

ASHLEY: -- is it drains moisture.

MATT: -- 25, 30 feet to get there. What's your total movement?

SAM: Oh, nice.

CHRISTIAN: That's it, so I'll stay there, yes.

MATT: You'll stay there, okay.

AABRIA: It's a little dry.

ASHLEY: A little drier.

MATT: Beginning of your next turn, you might take some fire damage. The proximity is going to hurt.

CHRISTIAN: I always take fire damage when I'm next to Faithful Care-Giver.

ALL: Oh!

TRAVIS: Oh, baby! Come on now! Woo hoo hoo hoo!

SAM: What'd you say? I was trying to fix my hand.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Psychic damage.

AABRIA: I liked it.

MATT: All right, finishing FRIDA's go, Chetney, you're up, with FCG on deck.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll stay where I am, and I'm going to swing the scythe and cast Shatter just above where it's slopped down into the hole.

MATT: You've got it. What's the radius on that?

TRAVIS: It's 60 feet. I'm sorry, range is 60 feet, but a 10-foot sphere.

MATT: 10-foot sphere, so you can definitely hit it in a way that does not hit your friends, which is great.

TRAVIS: Yes, please.

MATT: Okay, so constitution save?

TRAVIS: Con save of 14.

MATT: 14. Has a high con save on it, but it only rolled a seven. That puts it at a 13, so.

TRAVIS: Great, 22 points of thunder damage.

SAM: Thunder.

MATT: Nice. (explosion)

ASHLEY: Thunder.

MATT: You watch a whole upper section of it just (splattering) splatter against the stone wall and roots around it and carving about three feet off of its height.

TRAVIS: Nice, that's my turn.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Actually, because I'm stuck all the way back here and it's going downstairs. I'll come into the middle of the room, and that's probably all of my 35 feet, that's fine. I'll go near Fearne, just in case she gets sucked into another awfulous.

AABRIA: (laughs)

MATT: That's five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, you can get about there is about your movement on the difficult terrain.

TRAVIS: That's great. Perfect.

MATT: All right. End of your turn. It's going to go ahead and-- No, it's just going to hold in there. All right, finishing Chet's go, FCG, you're up, with Imogen on deck.

SAM: Do I get the sense, watching its movement with my keen eyes, do I get the sense that it is moving downstairs or that it is staying in this sort of halfway place?

MATT: Make an insight check for me.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: Read the meat.

MATT: (laughs) I want that shirt so bad.

SAM: 23.

MATT: 23. It looks like it is moving down the stairs, but also trying to occupy the top. It's essentially trying to both escape the fire, but also plug them in there.

SAM: So it's not going to go fully down--

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

SAM: -- the stairs.

MATT: You're uncertain.

TRAVIS: It's trying to backdraft us, y'all.

MATT: It's preventing people from going down where it currently stands.

SAM: Got it.

TRAVIS: ♪ Read the meat ♪

SAM: How much of it is turtling up from the--

MATT: I mean, not as much as there was. I'd say there's about six feet visible before, but about three, four feet that got blown off--

AABRIA: Great.

MATT: -- from the Shatter, and so now it's just this squat little tree trunk of skin.

SAM: Tree trunk of skin, Matthew.

MATT: Yes. My band name in high school.

SAM: Okay, then I don't think I can do what I was going to do.

AABRIA: Opening for Read the Meat.

SAM: So instead--

MATT: It's a good show at the Palladium.

(laughter)

SAM: Oh boy. Okay, I will then, I'll just do standard stuff. Well, bonus action, I will give a blessed bonding, Bonded Blessing, sorry, to FRIDA. Get a d6 that you can use on any roll coming up.

MATT: Take note of that, great.

SAM: Then as a action, there's just not much I can do. I'll try to go up and try to saw off some of its--

LAURA: Yes!

SAM: Some of its bits.

MATT: Okay, so you move up here, try and get up to the edge and (whooshes). Roll an attack.

SAM: I'm trying to get it all the way downstairs, if possible.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Okay, come on! Come on! 12.

ASHLEY: Ugh!

MATT: Oh, buddy.

SAM: (laughs)

MATT: You manage to ram your saw into the strange, amorphous form of the creature, (saw buzzing) and then your saw just gets stuck. It gets like, (saw sputtering) you feel it tugging on your arm a bit before you have to pull free.

SAM: This has never happened to me before.

(laughter)

SAM: It's just usually--

AABRIA: Insight check!

SAM: I last a lot longer in fights. It's not--

CHRISTIAN: I've witnessed it first hand.

MATT: Does that finish your turn?

SAM: Yeah, that's it, I'm sorry.

MATT: End of your turn, it's going to use another legendary action to attempt to bite you.

SAM: A lot on my mind is all.

MATT: Chew attack.

CHRISTIAN: I understand.

MATT: Ooh, that's going to be a 30 to hit.

AABRIA: 30?!

MATT: He rolled a natural 19, yeah.

SAM: That hits.

AABRIA: Ooh!

LAURA: Against you?

SAM: That hits.

LAURA: So he's trying to chew you or consume you?

SAM: We'll find out.

MATT: This is the chew.

AABRIA: Bit it and quit it.

MATT: That's going to be 25 points of piercing damage.

SAM: I'm okay.

LAURA: (nervous noise)

AABRIA: It's bad here.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: It's bad, we're running.

LAURA: We're trying.

(laughs)

MATT: Imogen, you're up.

ASHLEY: But he's looking rough.

LAURA: I feel like anything I do, he's going to resist it.

AABRIA: Kill its butthole! It's bad up here.

TRAVIS: Which one?

MATT: Unleash the butthole cut.

LAURA: So with resistances, they can resist things that there's a saving throw against, but they can't resist attacks? Is that how it goes? Or is it--

SAM: I'm Taylor Swift.

MATT: Sorry, what was it?

LAURA: Like they can resist things that have saving throws, right, but not--

MATT: Yes, they can choose to resist something with a saving throw.

SAM: I'm Judi Dench.

TRAVIS: Dame, Dame.

AABRIA: Dame, you put some respect on the name.

MATT: Yep.

SAM: I'm sorry.

TRAVIS: Dame.

LAURA: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: And I'm Jason Derulo.

LAURA: I'm going to--

(laughter)

LAURA: I don't even know that I set fire to the area upstairs because I didn't even see it catching fire.

TRAVIS: They had no idea. They had no--

LAURA: In that case, I am going to look at it, grab the sides of my head and scream and I'm going to try to Psychic Lance it ♪ straight up the butt ♪

MATT: Okay, okay. Is that a roll for--

LAURA: That's a save.

MATT: Okay, so intelligence save?

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: Ooh!

AABRIA: They're not smart, right?

MATT: Nuh-uh, nuh-uh, that's a four.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: It's going to use a legendary resistance.

AABRIA: Girl, okay.

TRAVIS: Last one, right?

LAURA: Okay, that hopefully is the last one that it can use, maybe. I don't know how these work. One, two, three, four, ♪ five, six, seven, ♪ eight, nine ♪ Okay.

TRAVIS: ♪ 11, 12 ♪

SAM: What you got? How much you got? She's got one, two, three--

LAURA: One, two, three four, five, six, seven.

SAM: What do you got over there?

TRAVIS: I'm okay.

SAM: Oh, you're fine.

LAURA: Still so bad.

MATT: Laura!

LAURA: I'm going to stop rolling them all at once. Nine, 10, 15, 17, 20 points of damage, halved.

MATT: 10 points of psychic damage to it. All right, so you scream into it and you watch as its weird slithering form is rolling down the steps as it's occupying the space a little bit wider as it does, all spreads out into 17 or 18 different spikes of skin as it seems to try and pull itself apart at the psychic blast and then pulls itself back in.

LAURA: Okay, I am going to-- I don't know that it's trying to stop in the stairs so I'm going to back up as far as I can away from it.

MATT: Okay. That's 30 feet there.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Like stumbling over shit.

LAURA: Can I try-- Actually, can I try to use my telekinetic pull and pull it down further?

MATT: Let's give it a shot. Oops.

SAM: ♪ (battle music) ♪

MATT: That's going to be a 15 on its DC.

LAURA: So I pull it five feet down.

ASHLEY: Yes.

AABRIA: Hooray!

LAURA: Get some of that smoke out of the room.

SAM: Shit, really?

MATT: With that--

(yelling)

MATT: And you're dead.

AABRIA: Good-bye!

MATT: So with that there, you pull it (whooshes). Now there's now a slight gap now as she pulls it down.

SAM: -- my spell.

MATT: A little bit of opening there.

SAM: I didn't know you could do that, it's amazing. Okay, next round, next round.

MATT: That does also remove it from being within melee of you.

SAM: So I get a swipe?

MATT: No, because--

SAM: Because it was compelled.

MATT: Correct.

AABRIA: Ah.

MATT: But finishing your turn, it cannot use its last legendary action.

SAM: It cannot?

MATT: Because there's nobody within melee.

SAM: Ooh!

AABRIA: Woo!

ASHLEY: Go Imogen!

MATT: All right, that brings it to its turn, though.

TRAVIS: You just saved FCG's life.

SAM: It's going to try to climb back up, is it?

LAURA: Yeah, but it's not within melee, so. But it will be once it slithers

AABRIA and LAURA: (yell)

MATT: Immediately, it goes from the slow crawl to (quick slithering) and you all watch it vanish from sight as it comes barreling towards you like (thudding) pseudopods pulling it forward, picking up whatever debris is nearby.

SAM: Oh.

LAURA: Katamari Damacy.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh yeah!

LAURA: He's getting bigger.

MATT: It's going to bite and constrict you.

LAURA: Oh no!

AABRIA: No!

MATT: The bite attack is going to be, that's 13.

LAURA: Oh! That fails! I've got my Mage Armor up, baby.

MATT: Rolled a two. Then with that, it's going to attempt to constrict you with one of its tendrils. That is going to be-- That's cocked. That's going to be a 19.

LAURA: It hits.

MATT: All right, and so with that, you take 19 points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: Ugh.

MATT: Plus 10 points of slashing damage.

SAM: Ooh! How you doing? How you doing?

MATT: You are grappled.

TRAVIS: Man, this thing--

LAURA: I'm grappled.

TRAVIS: -- fucking wallops.

SAM: Can you still (swooshing) while you're grappled?

TRAVIS: Wallops!

LAURA: Probably. Yeah, I'm fine. Everything's fine.

SAM: Don't go down there, guys.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: (deeply) We're going down there.

SAM: Don't go down there! Don't go down there!

MATT: Deanna, you're up, with Fearne on deck.

AABRIA: Cool. Deanna, reaching forward to Guiding Bolt, realizes that Chetney's next to her and is so fucking panicked about people dropping because Fearne has already dropped and everyone's looking really rough. So for the first time, I'm going to reach out and try to cast a second Death Ward--

SAM: Ooh.

AABRIA: -- on Chetney as he runs by.

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: So I've got Death Ward on you and that's my last 4th-level spell slot.

LAURA: Oh.

AABRIA: Last big slot. All for you, boo. And then bonus action chasing it down the stairs with my spiritual weapon, DivaCup. Trying to scoop his ass up.

TRAVIS: When you do that, do you like, do you touch and don't even say anything, but it feels like (swooshing)--

MATT: It can fly in the air.

TRAVIS: He doesn't know what it is?

AABRIA: I think you feel a burst of warmth, like if you sat in a window.

TRAVIS: Nice.

AABRIA: You just got a little ray of sun and she doesn't say anything.

MATT: Because it's a larger creature, you are able to move it down adjacent and at an angle to get that 20-foot movement and still get within melee.

AABRIA: Thank you.

SAM: Went and barfed on your--

AABRIA: Yeah, just a little, sweet little baby barf.

TRAVIS: That was only ever in my mouth.

AABRIA: 17 to hit.

MATT: 17 does hit.

TRAVIS: (gargling)

LAURA: No, no, that's never happened.

TRAVIS: Daddy loves a (choking sound).

AABRIA: Nine points.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

MATT: Nine points of damage.

CHRISTIAN: That's so bad.

MATT: It strikes it, clobbers into the side of it. The DivaCup, with divine sparkling radiance.

(laughter)

AABRIA: It's scooping it.

TRAVIS: Stop it.

(laughter)

LAURA: It's not like that. What do you think it's like?

TRAVIS: It's not the Holy Grail, relax.

AABRIA: Kind of!

ASHLEY: I mean...

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: If you read enough Dan Brown, kind of, though.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Chalice. That's my turn; you got to move on.

MATT: It's looking real rough.

LAURA: Woo!

(laughter)

MATT: I'm not even go into the description how it's going to get. It's looking real rough. All right. Do you want to move or do you want to stay where are?

AABRIA: It's bad. Can I move? How hot is it?

MATT: It's pretty hot.

AABRIA: Pretty hot?

MATT: Like, your hair will start burning and curling back if you stay here another round, probably.

AABRIA: Not my curl pattern. I start to head downstairs.

MATT: Okay. You can get that far.

(laughter)

AABRIA: God, what a bit. I'm so punished for this fucking bit.

MATT: (laughs) The best kind.

AABRIA: Shit!

MATT: All right, end of your turn?

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: It's going to spend two legendary actions to consume you since you are currently held.

ASHLEY: No, no.

AABRIA: Could you not? Roll good.

MATT: That's going to be a 22 to hit.

AABRIA: Not you.

MATT: Okay. For that, you take, for the engulf. Oh no, there's no damage on this, but you are swallowed.

LAURA: Oh, I'm just alive and inside it?

MATT: Well, no, actually this is still roll on that one. That is going to-- I already rolled to hit. So this is, it's not a crit, so it's not quite as bad as Fearne's. It's going to be 24 points of piercing damage.

AABRIA: Jiminy fucking Christmas.

TRAVIS: Are you alive?

LAURA: I'm alive!

SAM: Holy bajoly.

LAURA: ♪ I'm alive! ♪ ♪ But not by much! ♪

MATT: All right.

SAM: Did I see that happen? Can I take half of it?

LAURA: ♪ Nobody saw ♪

MATT: No, nobody saw this.

SAM: Damn it.

MATT: Fearne, you're up. The creature just vanished down the road. You're on the opposite side towards the wall. What are you doing?

ASHLEY: All right.

AABRIA: Could I see it? Because I'm on the edge of the stairs?

MATT: Technically, where you're standing, it's below and under, so, no, not right now.

AABRIA: Shit, okay.

MATT: You probably hear-- What do they hear, Fearne?

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: Or Imogen, sorry.

SAM: Launda.

MATT: Get all the names fucked up now. Goddamn it.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Good night, Jethro.

LAURA: I have no identity.

(laughter)

LAURA: You hear: (shouts) Oh no, oh god! Oh--!

MATT, TRAVIS, and ASHLEY: (laugh)

MATT: There you go. You hear that.

AABRIA: I think Imogen barfed.

LAURA: (laughs)

SAM: Oh no!

ASHLEY: All right.

SAM: That's like her.

ASHLEY: I'm going to run down there.

TRAVIS: (deeply) I love barf.

MATT: Okay, so you're moving away from the wall.

ASHLEY: Move away from the door.

TRAVIS: (deeply) The dark side.

AABRIA: Just like (laughs)

MATT: You can head down and get to the top of the steps, which is over here.

ASHLEY: All right. Shit, I can't hurt it because it'll hurt Imogen.

AABRIA: No.

ASHLEY: Right?

AABRIA: Hit the outside hard.

LAURA: I don't know.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Sometimes when you hit things on the outside, they--

(lightly barfs)

AABRIA: (gags)

ASHLEY: Okay.

AABRIA: Just hit it so hard, and go: Drop it.

TRAVIS: Yeah, bring the thunder, man.

ASHLEY: All right, I'm going to (puffs) Burning Hands.

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: (gasps) Smart.

MATT: Burning Hands. 15-foot. We'll see if you're close enough for it to be effective.

AABRIA: Aw, shit.

ASHLEY: Oh, shit. Wait, wait, I have 35 feet of movement.

MATT: You do.

LAURA: But it's difficult terrain.

MATT: Five, 10, 15, 20. 25, 30 to get there. Even adjacent, we'll say, you can get about there.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: All right. Oh god.

AABRIA: (laughs)

LAURA: Fuck your DivaCup.

AABRIA: (laughs)

MATT: Don't want that shit.

ASHLEY: Wait, could I do a bonus action and get a little further?

LAURA and SAM: (laugh)

ASHLEY: Is that a thing?

AABRIA: What's your build?

SAM: It's a thing for rogues.

CHRISTIAN: A rogue, yeah.

AABRIA: Aren't you a rogue?

ASHLEY: I am a rogue, I'm a rogue. I have one level of rogue. Can I do it?

SAM: Is that true?

ASHLEY: Well, I mean, I have a level--

AABRIA: Look at your--

ASHLEY: You're like, "Look at your sheet."

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Look at your sheet, you dumbass.

TRAVIS: It says, check your shit.

AABRIA: I absolutely did. I'm so sorry.

TRAVIS: Check your shit.

SAM: You have a level of rogue?

ASHLEY: I know, I'm a dingus.

MATT: Yeah, she took it a while back, yeah.

ASHLEY: I'm a dingus.

SAM: Oh!

ASHLEY: Okay wait, hold on, hold on.

MATT: Which means, yeah, as a bonus action, you do have the ability--

MATT and SAM: -- to dash.

MATT: If you want to.

LAURA: See if you could get closer.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to get closer. I'm going to use it. Wait, "limited use."

MATT: Go to your bonus actions.

ASHLEY: Yep.

LAURA: Remember the action, action, double action, bonus action, dash, dash.

ASHLEY: It's not an action.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: Attack, attack!

LAURA: Attack, attack.

ASHLEY: It's not in my bonus actions. Does that maybe--

LAURA: Ooh!

AABRIA: Does it kick in on level two?

ASHLEY: Because I only have one. It might kick in on level two because I only have first level.

SAM: It's a fun game.

AABRIA: Oh, I love these.

SAM: Let's play it.

MATT: Cunning Action is--

SAM: Where is he?

MATT: -- second level.

ASHLEY: Second level, okay.

SAM: Oh, shoot. Did you find him?

MATT: That's okay, though, you're going to try and cast there.

AABRIA: Is it second level?

ASHLEY: I'm going to try to cast it. It happens instantaneously.

MATT: You are just within range for it to be affected by Burning Hands.

ASHLEY: Okay.

AABRIA: Amazing.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Just barely.

ASHLEY: It's at level four.

MATT: A 4th-level Burning Hands!

LAURA: Whoa!

AABRIA: Holy!

MATT: Woo woo!

AABRIA: Get it.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: All right, it's a dexterity saving throw?

ASHLEY: Yes.

AABRIA: Oh shit.

MATT: That's going to be a 10.

ASHLEY: Okay, failed.

CHRISTIAN: Nice.

ASHLEY: Okay, eight.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Seven.

ASHLEY: Seven.

AABRIA: That's 15.

ASHLEY: Another seven.

AABRIA: 22.

ASHLEY: 22 points.

MATT: How do you want to do this?

(cheering)

LAURA: Oh my god.

AABRIA: Amazing.

ASHLEY: All right.

AABRIA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: I hear Imogen screaming in there.

LAURA: In your head, you hear: (muffled) Um, I've been swallowed.

ASHLEY: Okay, that makes me very angry. So I am going to try to look for some movement to where the top of Imogen's head is and try to just--

LAURA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: (fast burning) The top of it.

MATT: (laughs)

ASHLEY: So she's just standing.

MATT: (laughs) Just laser hands through.

ASHLEY: Just laser hand it.

MATT: (laughs) Sure.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

AABRIA: Incredible.

MATT: (laser beam shot) You go ahead and-- The Burning Hands is less of a column of fire out there, more like a focused beam that carves through. The flesh burns away and curls back like a hood.

LAURA: Like a little banana peel.

ASHLEY: Yes. Let her go!

AABRIA: As a pre-action, can I yell: Give her bangs.

MATT: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Ooh!

LAURA: No.

ASHLEY: Bangs.

MATT: We just got the art. We've got to change it.

MATT: As you do so, it-- (grossly melting) Slowly curls into a--

AABRIA: Oh my god!

MATT: -- slightly singed puddle.

SAM: Eww.

MATT: And hardens like-- (intense crackles) Into the ground.

LAURA: I'll emerge from the bloody meat.

CHRISTIAN: Oh gosh.

LAURA: Like I've been birthed.

ASHLEY: The Venus.

AABRIA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: The Birth of Venus.

AABRIA: The DivaCup just scoops you up.

SAM: And the towel dabs you off.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: Go, clerics.

MATT: So the tree is still on fire and it is slowly spreading.

TRAVIS: Can we put the fire out? I would love to mess with the hole.

LAURA: Because we still need to see that circle.

CHRISTIAN: Do you want me to Guiding? I'm going to Guiding Bolt that space.

LAURA: That circle?

CHRISTIAN: My eyes will light up and I'll shoot a Guiding Bolt at that circle.

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: At that space, yeah.

MATT: Go ahead and focus. You cast Guiding Bolt. (bolt firing) It hits the area where it is and as it hits, it's like a ripple. (vortex humming) Ricochets from where it impacts. As it does, that little circle portion of the wall-- (fading buzzing) Glows faintly before returning to itself.

SAM: What level was that?

TRAVIS: We got to keep lighting it up.

LAURA: One?

SAM: Oh, yeah.

SAM: It has to be three, yeah.

LAURA: It might need just a bigger spell--

TRAVIS: We've tried touching it, right?

AABRIA: Can I roll something to see if this is-- Does it look like we are wearing it down or that we're not meeting the threshold?

MATT: Make an arcana check.

CHRISTIAN: I'll step away from--

SAM: I think it's a level thing.

AABRIA: Seven.

MATT: Seven? No idea.

SAM: I'm going to cast a 3rd-level Command at it.

AABRIA: (laughs)

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I'll say: (shouts) Open!

AABRIA: Say it in Elvish!

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: You say, "Open!" As you release the force of your arcana, the glyph that normally appears in the forehead of somebody when you command them, appears in the space in the wall and as it does, that circle area (electric whooshes) Ripples once more, but this time brighter with more ripples before (whooshy sucking) Closing in on itself and there's now an open hole, a cubby in the wall.

SAM: Wow!

TRAVIS and LAURA: A cubby?

LAURA: What's in the cubby?

SAM: Well, we're on fire also.

ASHLEY: Someone, stick your hand in it.

AABRIA: Can anyone--

SAM: I'll go in there.

AABRIA: Don't you do fire magic? Can you make this stop?

ASHLEY: I do, I do.

LAURA: Can you put fire out?

SAM: She got to come upstairs first.

LAURA: Do you have Control Flames?

SAM: I'll reach into the cubby.

ASHLEY: I don't. I don't think I do.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Reach into the cubby.

ASHLEY: I don't think I have it packed.

SAM: I'm reaching into the cubby.

MATT: Okay, it's not very big, but there is a-- Looks like an old leather satchel that's clipped over.

CHRISTIAN: Oh. Oh.

LAURA: Grab it and go. We got to get out of here.

ASHLEY: Grab it.

SAM: I will lift it.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, you have it.

SAM: Okay. It didn't blow up.

TRAVIS: Not now...

SAM: Should I inspect it or get out of here?

LAURA and SAM: Let's just get out of here.

TRAVIS: Was there anything else in the room? Anything else? Nothing?

LAURA: We searched it pretty good!

SAM: Someone do an investigation check. You've got a plus six on something.

CHRISTIAN: Yes, I'll give it a once over as it's on fire.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll help, too. We'll both roll! Investigation checks.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

AABRIA: Okay. I'll help FRIDA.

TRAVIS: It's amazing. 19.

LAURA: So that's a Guiding?

CHRISTIAN: Plus one is 12, plus a d6.

AABRIA: Someone else can guide him.

CHRISTIAN: Yes, 12 plus six, 18.

ASHLEY: Right.

MATT: Okay. The DC on this is pretty high because the room is being engulfed in flames and you're in a mild panic and trying to gather what you can in a room that you've already looked over with time and now you're rushing within a small period of time. Unfortunately, at a quick glance, with the brief moment that you have to try and look about, you do not see anything of important that you hadn't already gauged before the flames in this room become too dangerous for you to probably continue.

TRAVIS: Fucker.

MATT: Unless you want to endure and try again, but you'll start taking fire damage.

TRAVIS: I'll go. I'll go.

CHRISTIAN: I'll go again.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll go in the room.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

LAURA: The cubby, it's not a room, it's a cubby.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but I want to fit in that bitch like a cat in a box.

SAM: I don't know if--

(laughter)

SAM: The cubby is just-- It's real shallow.

MATT: It's just a foot and a half in.

SAM: Yeah, so I think--

TRAVIS: I'll take it.

SAM: It's the rest of the room, though, that we need to investigate, not the cubby.

LAURA: Yeah, we're not--

TRAVIS: Oh.

LAURA: He already grabbed the satchel from the cubby.

TRAVIS: Oh.

CHRISTIAN: I'll take some fire damage and--

LAURA: It was like a medicine cabinet.

CHRISTIAN: There's something here. I don't know.

MATT: Go for it. Roll another investigation check for me.

AABRIA: I'll stay with him. Them.

CHRISTIAN: Come on.

AABRIA: Advantage! I'm helping, I'm helping!

CHRISTIAN: Oh, with advantage. Okay. 12.

MATT: 12.

AABRIA: Shit!

TRAVIS: I'll do one, too.

AABRIA: You roll like me.

TRAVIS: I'll take any damage you give me.

MATT: Okay. You both take six points of fire damage from the escalating heat in the chamber. Unfortunately, that was a failure.

ASHLEY: Oh, Guidance. I'm next to you.

SAM: I'm staying, too.

MATT: You're staying, too?

SAM: I'm staying, too.

AABRIA: We're all taking damage.

SAM: Yeah.

AABRIA: Good for us.

TRAVIS: Mine's a 19.

MATT: A 19.

ASHLEY: Plus Guidance?

TRAVIS: Yeah, plus Guidance.

MATT: Unfortunately, looking around in the areas where you haven't looked already, looks like either they've already been looted and are clear, or anything's been consumed by the flames.

LAURA: Didn't we give it a good once over, though, before?

TRAVIS: We did.

SAM: We rolled like shit.

LAURA: Oh, really? We were rolling like shit the whole time? No, because we found the papers! We found all those papers.

SAM: All right.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

AABRIA: Someone should try to jump in the cubby?

LAURA: And you have the cubby.

AABRIA: I can't talk like this.

CHRISTIAN: Or whatever's in the satchel.

LAURA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah. Fuck it, I'm out of here.

AABRIA: Yeah, okay.

LAURA: I think that satchel is important.

TRAVIS: Looking up at the ceiling, is it starting to catch flames, too? Or is there anything--

MATT: Oh, the fire has crawled up in the roots up top there and you can see what was the-- It looked like a cocoon nest on the ceiling where this entity was sitting. It's starting to burn. You can see the ash and paper is all catching that weird-- Paper cocoon-like material that you saw dried and stretched in places is now also catching quickly. That seems to be fairly flammable.

TRAVIS: Nothing's scattering out of there? No openings being revealed by the material burning away?

MATT: Not at the moment. You can hang around and check if you want.

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: That face.

AABRIA: Yeah. You do have Death Ward.

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: I stand and check the flames in the name of love!

SAM: Wow!

AABRIA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Get it.

MATT: Do you?

TRAVIS: No, no, no, no.

SAM: Character development.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: Damn, we were praising you for that.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: Great. FRIDA, can I uppies?

CHRISTIAN: I will wait until the last moment.

AABRIA: Goddamn it!

CHRISTIAN: Because something came from the ceiling. So I'm going to wait as everyone is going downstairs. Sorry, Deanna.

TRAVIS: (deeply) I'll stay with you.

CHRISTIAN: I'll see if anything burns away, if there's anything on the ceiling.

MATT: Okay, so the rest of you head down to the bottom floor. Essentially, preparing and you all entered from this corner wall over here, squeezing past the roots. You all held on to this space while waiting for-- You, at the top of the stairs, waiting for the last moment for this whole room, which is now catching-- Hotter.

TRAVIS: (deeply) It's pretty hot, don't you think?

MATT: And hotter.

CHRISTIAN: I'm starting to sweat a little.

LAURA: In your head--

TRAVIS: We'll stay right by the exit so we can fall and roll down like Imogen did. A little death drop.

AABRIA: Rude.

ASHLEY: (drum roll)

CHRISTIAN: I'll take one more investigation.

LAURA: Chet, in your head you're going to hear--

TRAVIS: I'll do it as well.

LAURA: That Wolf-King is outside still. Don't forget.

TRAVIS: (snaps) Yes, much better. 23.

MATT: 23.

TRAVIS: 23.

MATT: Okay. Looking about at the top of this--

TRAVIS: So I didn't get hurt?

MATT: Yep, both of you taking-- Seven points of fire damage to each of you.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

MATT: It gets progressively more every round.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: As the flames begin to now curl into the space, you see most of the furniture now is catching. You feel confident that there is nothing visible that isn't within the flames, necessarily, that you haven't already checked.

TRAVIS: (deeply) I think we're good.

CHRISTIAN: Let's get out of here. I don't know why I'm talking--

MATT: With a high enough sound, though, you also hear a--

ASHLEY: (deeply) Okay.

MATT: A cracking sound.

LAURA: Uh-oh.

MATT: (cracking)

CHRISTIAN: It's going to come down.

MATT: As you all are looking up at them, you hear that noise. The rest of you who are in the bottom, Imogen, since you were the one in proximity, you glance over in the center of the room where that hard shell of where the creature you had just destroyed hardened when it dissipated, cracks. (cracking) You watch as it breaks past as a limb pours out of it.

ASHLEY: No.

LAURA: No.

SAM: Oh god. Oh no.

TRAVIS: We got to get the fuck out of here.

MATT: As something is now emerging from the remnants of what you had just destroyed--

LAURA: Oh, fuck me running.

MATT: What are you doing?

CHRISTIAN: So as we run down the stairs--

TRAVIS: It's like Obann.

AABRIA: Guiding goddamn--

CHRISTIAN: I lit that whole place up with oil and I stuffed it all up. So I'm going to light the bottom on fire as we exit.

SAM: Going to just keep burning us?

CHRISTIAN: Well, no, no, no, as we're all going. I'm going to burn up--

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah. As we're heading out the tower.

LAURA: We're running out of the tower with that thing?

AABRIA: Yes.

LAURA: Okay.

AABRIA: Let's just kill that thing on the way.

MATT: Okay, so you're running down.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Cheney, you're up there with him.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: So you both are coming down the steps while the rest of you are over by the exit. Is that correct?

SAM: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Okay. Right as you're running down, the hard shell cracks open and you watch as a smaller, but vaguely humanoid body emerges. Where there was once weird, glistening skin, it's like a hardened thorny bark with-- It's a mimicry of the human bipedal form. The limbs elongated with hooked, thorn-like teeth or teeth-like thorns. You're uncertain where it begins and where it ends in that intent. But it begins to-- (wetly flopping) Climb its way out with big hooked ends on it. As a head begins to emerge, you see a mouth, no eyes and these-- Like a crown of tendrils that have a moss and thorns growing out of them.

(growling)

LAURA: Can I, oh god. Nope, nope. I don't even think I need to do this. Can I Detect Thoughts-- Oh, that's huge! It's way bigger than I thought.

SAM: Oh, wow.

LAURA: That is not humanoid. That is a monster.

MATT: What are you doing?

AABRIA: So interesting.

LAURA: Can I cast Telekinesis on it as it's coming up?

MATT: Sure, if you want to.

CHRISTIAN: I wouldn't have burned up there if I knew that was going to be down there.

(laughter)

MATT: Okay, so you're casting Telekinesis to--

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Move it?

LAURA: Yeah, to pick it up and-- Lift it up in the air.

MATT: Okay. Contested roll. Go ahead and roll your spell ability.

ASHLEY: Guidance.

LAURA: That's my-- Oh god.

MATT: Yeah, actually, because this is an ability check, yes.

ASHLEY: Guidance, Guidance.

LAURA: Okay, so wait.

AABRIA: Wait, do I have a chance to get a Bless off?

LAURA: Contested ability, so I roll--

MATT: You roll and then add your spellcasting modifier.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Your charisma bonus.

LAURA: Okay. Okay.

CHRISTIAN: That's good, that's good.

LAURA: Plus-- Guidance. Where's my-- Oh, fuck. 12 plus 11 is 23.

SAM: Whoa.

MATT: 23. You beat a 20.

ASHLEY: Yes!

AABRIA: Let's go!

ASHLEY: Yes!

MATT: As it begins, gets partially emerged from it. (growling) All of a sudden-- (impactful force) Gets lifted up in the air and it's like-- (growling) It's trying to reach for any sort of purchase around, as you see ash and flame beginning to light up the top of the staircase as you're holding it aloft.

LAURA: Get out!

AABRIA: Cool.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we run. We run!

AABRIA: Is my spiritual weapon still up? Can I just get a little (boop) while it's there?

MATT: If you want to, yeah.

AABRIA: Yeah, tight.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: DivaCup!

TRAVIS: You shove it back upstairs?

LAURA: I was planning on doing that.

TRAVIS: Oh shit!

LAURA: I just was waiting for you guys to get off the stairwell first.

TRAVIS: Pizza oven!

(laughs)

ASHLEY: Yes.

AABRIA: Sweet.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we're out. We're running, booking.

AABRIA: Another eight points.

MATT: Another eight points of damage to it.

AABRIA: It gets smacked with the DivaCup. Cool, running.

SAM: I'm going to cast Aura of Vitality and give her some healing before I head out.

MATT: Okay, you got it.

AABRIA: Your Spiritual Weapon is still up.

SAM: Sure, sure, sure. But I actually need the bonus action for this.

AABRIA: Oh, never mind.

SAM: Eight points to you.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: (laughs) Okay. Thank you.

SAM: I can do it again. All right, and I'm out.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: All right, the rest of you go, pushing out of the roots and outside, now, it's dark. There's very little light in the sky beyond the faint bit of fading sunset and the occasional little wisps of blue that you can see dotted all throughout the fog and mist that has coated the streets of Molaesmyr. From this upper point of view, you can see all the various tree tops and the glowing little masses of the spirits that haunt the space. But you are there, holding in place. So, yeah, you can move 30 feet in any direction, including upward, but not beyond the range of the spell.

LAURA: Great, then as soon as they are out of the stairwell, I'm going to try to push it back up into the fire room.

AABRIA: Amazing!

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: Cool.

MATT: This will be another contested roll. Try and move another 30 feet, as you all begin to push up.

ASHLEY: I'm keeping the roots open for Imogen so she can fly out.

MATT: Okay. Make another roll for me.

LAURA: Guid-- Is anybody Guiding me?

ASHLEY: Guidance, Guidance, Guidance!

LAURA: Anybody's there to guide me?

ASHLEY: I'm watching you.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

AABRIA: Wait, can I cast Bless on her before, as we're running out?

MATT: Yeah, I'll allow it.

AABRIA: Bless.

MATT: Bless on her and who else?

AABRIA: d4.

LAURA: Oh, okay, great, that gives me a d4.

MATT: Plus who else? It's three people you choose to Bless.

AABRIA: Ladies, it's ladies night.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: ♪ Yes, it's ladies night ♪

MATT: Blessed.

ASHLEY: ♪ Oh, what a night ♪

MATT: Bless and hashtag blessed.

AABRIA: Yay.

CHRISTIAN: ♪ Hey, Molaesmyr ♪ ♪ We're going to die ♪

TRAVIS: No!

CHRISTIAN: ♪ Barely got to know ♪ ♪ These four guys ♪

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

CHRISTIAN: ♪ What a night ♪

LAURA: 31.

CHRISTIAN: Let's go.

AABRIA: Yeah!

MATT: 31, yeah. No.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: You shove it back up into the room, you hear-- (screeching) This horrible screeching of multiple vacuous spaces where mouths are trying to form on its still solidifying body and it does take 2d8 fire damage from being pushed up in the air for an 11 points of fire damage. All right, you-- (shoving) Shove it up there and you go, meeting the rest of the troop.

LAURA: Out, yeah.

ASHLEY: I'm keeping the hole open!

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: All right. So you all now--

TRAVIS: Molaesmyr: They'll keep the hole open.

AABRIA and LAURA: (laugh)

MATT: You all emerge out onto the root structure and the masses of twisted vines that wrap up around the outside of the tower. You can now see the top of the tower is giving off a little bit of light as the flames have begun to curl through the stones and the tops of the tree that the tower sits on are also catching for the time being. So there is a little bit of a flame beacon that is casting a little bit of a flickering light on the surrounding space. Are you all now doing--

TRAVIS: Can we try and stealth away from this building and finding some visual cover without making too much audible noise, since I'm sure things will be coming.

CHRISTIAN: There was that other tower that we were in.

SAM: Is the wolf anywhere out here?

MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage.

SAM: With disadvantage.

AABRIA: (groans)

CHRISTIAN: What are you looking for, Fresh Cut Grass?

SAM: The four-sided wolf.

CHRISTIAN: Can I look for it?

AABRIA: I thought it was five-sided?

MATT: It is five-sided. If you want to as well, sure.

SAM: 11.

MATT: 11. You don't see it anywhere.

CHRISTIAN: It's 19 plus.

MATT: With disadvantage.

CHRISTIAN: With disadvantage. Well, hold on then. Still okay. 12 plus 10 is 22. 23.

MATT: 23. You don't see it visually anywhere within the immediate vicinity.

SAM: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

LAURA: We got to go.

TRAVIS: Hide.

SAM: Wait, hide?

LAURA: Do we still have Pass Without a Trace?

TRAVIS: Stealth and hide.

ASHLEY: Pass Without a Trace! Wait, no, wait. Let me see--

SAM: Do you have it?

ASHLEY: -- if I can do it.

CHRISTIAN: How are you feeling, Imogen?

LAURA: Oh, pretty shitty.

CHRISTIAN: I'll use my spell, I'll cast--

AABRIA: Hold on, hold on. Keep your spells. Keep your spells.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

AABRIA: I have a whole staff about this. We will level three Cure Wounds.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: So--

CHRISTIAN: I'm also a cleric.

AABRIA: Yeah, okay.

CHRISTIAN: A life cleric.

AABRIA: You do a little everything, calm down.

ASHLEY: I'm out of 2nd-level spells.

SAM: Save yours.

ASHLEY: Pass Without a Trace is 2nd-level.

SAM: I got a spell up already.

ASHLEY: So can I--

AABRIA: I get healing back when I heal people.

SAM: Okay.

ASHLEY: What's the word I'm looking for?

LAURA: Yes, at a 3rd-level. Yes, you can.

ASHLEY: Can I do it at 3rd? Okay.

MATT: You can, yeah.

ASHLEY: Pass Without a Trace.

LAURA: It doesn't do anything extra, but you can still use it.

MATT: You can spend the slot, yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay.

AABRIA: 22 points.

SAM: Whoa.

CHRISTIAN: Nice.

MATT: All right, 22 points of healing.

AABRIA: And I get two back!

MATT: All of you now have Pass Without a Trace, just as you hear the cracking sound of the creature that you slammed upstairs, (clumsy clambering) getting louder as it's following where you exited.

LAURA: Do you still have stone wall? Do you have Stone Shape?

SAM: I can, but what am I covering? Just the door?

LAURA: Cover the doorway so it can't get out.

SAM: Isn't there a way out up top?

TRAVIS: Nope, there were no windows up top.

AABRIA: Oh shit, I could've done Mass Cure Wounds.

TRAVIS: Right? Yeah, we didn't see any. That's why it got so damn hot in there.

LAURA: Yeah, I mean, it'll burn the roof out, but it'll take it a minute to get out of the tower.

SAM: If that's the only entrance, sure.

LAURA: That was the only entrance was that one window. Right?

MATT: Just what you know about, yeah.

SAM: Then I will cast 4th-level Stone Shape and I will close the door.

MATT: Okay, as you hear the (clumsy thumping), suddenly where a thick layer of roots are all like pushing inward, like a heavily grown-over tunnel, suddenly all the roots break away as a fresh stone wall (stone slams into place) occupies that space. Just as you hear--

TRAVIS: Awesome.

MATT: (crashing) on the other side. (desperate squalling) From the other side, muffled and scraping noises against the opposite side of the stone.

AABRIA: Hey, guys, I changed my answer. That wasn't a level three to you. I'm going to use five charges for a Mass Cure Wounds. Everyone takes 24.

LAURA: Oh, amazing.

TRAVIS: Dang!

AABRIA: I was like, why am I burning more charges?

TRAVIS: ♪ Deanna! ♪

ASHLEY: Phew!

LAURA: Okay?

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

AABRIA: I'm almost out of stuff.

SAM: Well, now you are.

MATT: You do hear (heavy thumping)

LAURA: It's trying to break through. We got to go.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we're going. We're booking.

LAURA: Let's move it.

AABRIA: Could I have uppies, FRIDA, please?

CHRISTIAN: Huh?

AABRIA: Can I have uppies?

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

TRAVIS: Uppies.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Uppies. So tired.

MATT: All right, so you pick up Deanna and put her on your back. All of you are running away or stealthing awa? Because stealthing is--

ALL: Stealthing away.

MATT: I need a group stealth check--

AABRIA: ♪ Stealthing away ♪

MATT: -- as you all begin to descend--

ASHLEY: And you have plus 10

MATT: -- the tower into the center of Molaesmyr.

LAURA: Is anybody Guided? Is anybody Guided?

AABRIA: I'll guide FRIDA because I'm on FRIDA.

SAM: Instead of Guiding, I'm going to, on bonus actions, I'm going to be using this. I've still got Aura of Vitality up.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

SAM: So for the next minute, every round I can heal 2d6 to somebody. So I'm going to keep-- I'm going to hit her.

AABRIA: I'm still exhausted.

SAM: Are you okay?

ASHLEY: I'm actually doing okay.

AABRIA: Jesus Christ.

SAM: I'll hit her a few times, hit him a few times.

TRAVIS: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: Okay, so it lasts for a minute?

SAM: It does, but I used at least one round to do Stone Shape, so.

MATT: Correct, so you have nine casts of it, so that's--

SAM: I already used one cast, so there's eight, probably eight left.

MATT: Okay, so we'll keep tabs on that as we go.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: So roll the healing for her, if you want to.

SAM: Another five points.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: Five points, that's cute.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: I'm doing it seven more times.

MATT: All right, so stealth checks around the table here. Chetney.

TRAVIS: Do we have plus 10?

MATT, ASHLEY, and LAURA: Yes.

TRAVIS: 31.

AABRIA: Oh, thank god.

MATT: Dang.

AABRIA: 18.

MATT: All right, Deanna, you had 18.

SAM: 24.

MATT: 24.

ASHLEY: 20.

AABRIA: I have exhaustion.

MATT: 20.

CHRISTIAN: I rolled a one, but it comes out to 23.

SAM: (laughs) Nice.

MATT: Still a one, though. Okay.

LAURA: Jesus, 23?

ASHLEY: Jeez Louise.

CHRISTIAN: Still a one, though.

MATT: Unfortunately. Imogen.

LAURA: 14.

SAM: Ooh.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Sorry.

MATT: You all curl down the base of this. As you're heading down the side, FRIDA, you're holding Deanna on your back and you reach out onto one of the roots to hold you as you're helping other people down to the floor before the root snaps You fall back, and protecting Deanna from the impact, you tumble about 12 or so feet down, hitting a hard rock with your shoulder and tumbling. It doesn't do too much damage to you, necessarily. You only take two points of bludgeoning damage. But it does make a loud crack. (clanging)

AABRIA: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

CHRISTIAN: No, that was on me. I wasn't looking where I was going.

MATT: (wolves howling)

LAURA: Shit.

AABRIA: Fuck.

MATT: (howling continues)

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: (wolves snarling)

ASHLEY: What are we doing? What are we doing?!

TRAVIS: Got to get out of here, got to go. Keep going. Got to get going.

ASHLEY: Do we go into the forest?

LAURA: I've got-- I can cast Fly on one person. That's it now.

SAM: Well, two of us will live.

(laughter)

MATT: (heavy thumping) You hear this impacting from the stone on the inside of the tower, which now, the top of it's still blazing with flames.

TRAVIS: We're moving, double dashing, right?

ASHLEY: Double dashing, double dash.

LAURA: We're not stealthing? We're running.

SAM: I can't heal if I'm double dashing. That's okay, that's okay, let's double dash.

MATT: Where are you going? Which direction? Towards what? Who's leading? What are you doing? You're in the middle of the darkness of the space surrounded by shadow, other than the glow that's around you.

TRAVIS: It's nighttime outside? It's not sunset or anything?

MATT: It's the very, very tail end of sunset, so a little bit of glow in the sky.

LAURA: Is it dumb to use my lights to give us a little bit of guidance of where we're going?

TRAVIS: Yes.

AABRIA: Don't do it.

TRAVIS: They'll be attracted to the light.

AABRIA: Don't do it unless you have to.

ASHLEY: Is there another tower close by? Or do we we run into the forest?

CHRISTIAN: The tower we were in.

TRAVIS: Is there another nearby tower--

AABRIA: The tower we were in is on fire.

TRAVIS: -- besides this one?

LAURA: We're on the edge, right?

ASHLEY: Yeah, we're on the end

LAURA: We could head out north.

SAM: We can just go into the forest.

MATT: If you want to, I mean, the tower's on the northwestern side of the town. You're not sure if the town ends there or if there's more into it. You haven't traveled beyond it, but you can try.

AABRIA: Oh god.

SAM: I feel like we should go where we've been.

LAURA: But that's through the entire town again.

SAM: Then upstream, right.

ASHLEY: And the stag.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: How do we get out of here?

AABRIA: I don't know.

CHRISTIAN: You can cast Fly on--

TRAVIS: We should go into the woods, at least where there's more cover.

LAURA: One person.

CHRISTIAN: How long does it last?

TRAVIS: It's also more dangerous there because there's miasma.

ASHLEY: Yeah, we should go into the words.

AABRIA: I think open terrain is more smart.

SAM: Yeah. No, no, woods, because if we're running and then the tree'll like--

AABRIA: Exactly, exactly.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Woods?

AABRIA: You get it.

SAM: Woods.

TRAVIS: Woods.

AABRIA: Woods.

TRAVIS: We can also go up a tree, too.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: We're going in the woods.

AABRIA: Yeah, let's find the trees that aren't people.

ASHLEY: Yes.

AABRIA: We climb those.

SAM: What if they're all people?

AABRIA: Oh god.

LAURA: You want to do that?

CHRISTIAN: I want-- Yeah.

LAURA: It's a risk.

AABRIA: Bad here. It's bad here.

SAM: What's going on?

AABRIA: Hey, what are we doing?

SAM: I'm going to cast a bonus action healing thing on Imogen again.

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: Just patting FRIDA.

SAM: Eight.

AABRIA: Yip, yip, we got to go.

CHRISTIAN: You can stay with me if you want, I mean.

TRAVIS: What were you saying? What do you want to do?

LAURA: I was saying-- FRIDA was saying I could cast Fly on him and he could-- they could cause a distraction. But there's also a flying creature to contend with.

AABRIA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Ugh.

SAM: There is? Oh that's right!

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: What if we all stay together?

LAURA: Let's just stealth, because once we do that-- I am going to, after that loud crack, though, I'm going to cast Invisibility on myself. I'm going to--

MATT: Okay. So (magical hum) you vanish from sight.

LAURA: So hopefully my low roll on stealth doesn't affect the group because I was the lowest outside of the natural one. I don't know if it does that--

MATT: Unfortunately, the group stealth roll does still have an effect. That was not a precursory to that.

LAURA: Yeah, no. I was just saying (nervous mumbling).

MATT: However, going forward, it is noted that you are invisible. But the howling, growling, and baying of the approaching, what you assume to be the Wolf-King, based on your previous encounter, is getting closer and louder. You're heading which direction?

TRAVIS: Into the woods because we don't have a map of the city.

SAM: ♪ Into the woods ♪

LAURA: Into the woods.

AABRIA: ♪ The way is clear ♪

TRAVIS: Right?

LAURA: ♪ Into the woods ♪

TRAVIS: We're on the edge of the forest. We don't have a map of the city. We wouldn't know here we're going. Anywhere south beneath the city is the river anyway. So at least there's woods and elevation in the woods.

SAM: The woods are just trees.

MATT: (heavy thumping)

TRAVIS: We're going into the woods and maybe up a tree.

SAM: The trees are just people.

MATT: Little pebbles are falling and you can hear the heavy impacts and screeching of the creature that you just locked in the tower, still trying to bash its way out.

LAURA: Oh my god, we got to get out of here.

TRAVIS: Towards the woods.

LAURA: Maybe they'll fight each other. Maybe the wolf will attack the creature.

TRAVIS: Yeah, maybe. Maybe.

AABRIA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: There's the woods.

MATT: Okay, so you all go, not stealthily.

LAURA: No, I thought we were stealthing. We're stealthing? Or not stealthing?

AABRIA: I think we should opt for fast.

LAURA: Okay, fast.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: Sure.

TRAVIS: Fast, towards the woods.

AABRIA: If we could just go around the tower and lead-- If the Wolf-King's headed towards the tower, he'll hear the noise inside and fight the thing inside. We're on the other side.

ASHLEY: Yes, we'll see him fly out.

AABRIA: So we're interposing the tower.

LAURA: So if we're not stealthing, then I should use the lights so we can run faster and not trip.

AABRIA: Yeah, sure.

ASHLEY: Okay.

LAURA: All right, I'll send out my little dancing orbs of purple light.

SAM: But if you cast you're going to--

MATT: This will break your invisibility.

SAM: -- ruin your invisibility.

LAURA: Goddamn it.

SAM: I've got Light.

AABRIA: I got Light, too.

LAURA: Fuck it, okay.

SAM: We got light.

MATT: All right, so you--

TRAVIS: I got darkvision, it's fine, you don't need to see shit.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: (laughs) So you cast Light. Your eyes glow.

SAM: Eyes turn on.

LAURA: Okay. That helps.

MATT: Like headlights in the space in the front. The heavy fog, it's like putting on regular lights in the middle of a fog scape.

LAURA: Oh, that's right.

MATT: So it does obfuscate it slightly.

SAM: Low-vis.

MATT: But you bring it down a little bit.

(laughter)

AABRIA: You just squint.

SAM: Yeah.

(laughter)

MATT: Perfect.

TRAVIS: It's so faded out here, bro.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Molaesmyr's lit.

MATT: You all go charging into the thickness of the surrounding forest on the north side of this tower, seeing the orange glow above and still hearing the impacts, the howls getting louder and louder. You step beyond the main street that you have been walking on, meeting the exterior wall. The exterior wall is about 15 or so feet up, but it is crumbled and broken in places. Are you all going to attempt to climb over it?

SAM: Jesus.

AABRIA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

LAURA: Sure.

CHRISTIAN: I'll lift Deanna up first.

AABRIA: Thanks.

MATT: Group athletics check, please.

SAM: Group athletics.

CHRISTIAN: Can't be worse than a natural one.

LAURA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: I'm going to Guide myself.

SAM: Shit, I should've Guided--

AABRIA: With disadvantage because I'm still exhausted.

MATT: That's true.

AABRIA: Motherfucker.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: 18, okay. Deanna.

AABRIA: Seven.

MATT: Seven.

SAM: Five.

MATT: Five.

SAM: But I've got a grapple hook.

MATT: I'll give you advantage with the grapple hook, then.

AABRIA: Aw!

SAM: Okay.

SAM: Nine.

MATT: Nine, okay.

(laughter)

MATT: Fearne.

ASHLEY: 15.

MATT: 15. Okay.

CHRISTIAN: 21.

MATT: 21.

LAURA: Did anybody Guide anybody?

ASHLEY: I Guided myself because I have minus two.

LAURA: Okay, then a nine.

MATT: Nine, okay.

SAM: We didn't make it.

MATT: Nope.

(laughter)

MATT: It's less about the fact that you didn't make it, it just took longer than you were hoping. It's a bit of a chore to get everyone over this heavy wall, partially because it's so heavily overgrown. You would think there'd be more handholds, but most of them are covered in thorns and it's more about safely trying to get up there. Then some places you step on break away under the weight of the person who's spearheading that path, and you have to adjust. So you do manage to make it over the wall, but not before the (barking and snarling) of the approaching wolves seems to be coming around the corner and out of the little bit of the burning firelight above that you can see from the glowing tower, you can see the shape of these massive dire wolf torsos moving and shifting around each other.

(feral growling)

ASHLEY: Do they see us?

MATT: But you've cleared the wall.

TRAVIS: Oh fuck.

AABRIA: Oh my god.

SAM: And it didn't yet?

MATT: Not yet.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: Did it see us going over the wall that we could see?

MATT: Mm-mm ("I don't know").

LAURA and AABRIA: (nervous murmurs)

SAM: It didn't see you.

AABRIA: I look. Did it see--

(laughter)

TRAVIS: There's also a burning inferno of a tower. That's going to be pretty loud.

MATT: Yeah.

AABRIA: Is there one open brick on the bottom that I can look through and see if it sees us?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TRAVIS: (brick sliding)

AABRIA: Why investigation?

MATT: Because it's fun to glance real fast and see.

AABRIA: Disadvantage. Eight.

MATT: Eight, nah.

AABRIA: Okay. I'm just looking into a very dark brick.

MATT: Yep.

(laughter)

SAM: It's a blank brick.

LAURA: A little spider comes out and crawls over you.

MATT: Oh god.

AABRIA: It's so dark in there.

(laughter)

SAM: He's not missing a tooth, it's just painted black.

AABRIA: I come back like a Ninja Turtle.

(laughter)

MATT: Yep. You've passed the wall, but in doing so, you've also hit the thickness of Savalirwood. It is a tangled mass of brush, tree, bush, and bramble, and it is going to be a challenging road forward. Who is leading this?

ASHLEY: I mean...

SAM: I've got a--

ASHLEY: I do have a high survival.

LAURA: Who's got good survival?

ASHLEY: I've got good survival.

AABRIA: I have pretty good survival.

LAURA: It's a survival, I--

CHRISTIAN: So it should-- Yeah, you do it.

LAURA: I got a decent survival.

AABRIA: Oh shit. We shouldn't do it because, aren't you still exhausted like me?

ASHLEY: Uh-huh.

(laughter)

AABRIA: I'm sorry, I feel like I snitched on you.

ASHLEY: No, no, no, you're right.

MATT: So?

AABRIA: I'm so sorry.

ASHLEY: Oh, should I have rolled things?

MATT: Imogen.

SAM: No, it's just for ability checks.

MATT: You and your invisible self are attempting to lead this troop here, with the sound of your voice, but with your knowledge of traversing natural spaces. Go ahead and roll survival.

LAURA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: With your mind force.

LAURA: With my mind powers. Who's going to Guide me?

AABRIA: I Guide you. I don't know what we're doing, but I Guide you.

LAURA: Who's Guiding me?

AABRIA: I just reach.

ASHLEY: When I got the miasma--

AABRIA: I just touched--

LAURA: Natural 20!

AABRIA: Yay!

CHRISTIAN: Yes!

ASHLEY: Hey! There we go.

AABRIA: Plus Guidance.

MATT: Okay. Yeah, you add your total.

LAURA: Okay great. So that's 26.

MATT: 26. All right. So rapidly you begin to, with all of your minds still connected, guiding everyone deeper and it lasts for-- How long does that last for?

LAURA: What?

MATT: The telepathic bond.

LAURA: Oh, that's gone.

MATT: Right, I don't--

LAURA: This is literally me--

MATT: Oh right. This is just your ability.

LAURA: -- one-by-one going, watch this log, there's thorns on this tree.

(laughter)

SAM: Except we can't see what you're pointing to.

MATT: Fair enough.

LAURA: Yeah.

AABRIA: I got darkvision. We can see.

MATT: It's okay. You're rather quick and easy to place mental images into people's minds as well.

LAURA: Yeah, that's right.

MATT: You're very well practiced at this sort of telepathic communication. Rapidly, you all begin to delve deeper and deeper into this dangerous thicket known as the Savalirwood. It is not easy. You've come through here once and it was a pain in the ass and now you're trudging into it without daylight, with something on your tail. In doing so, all of you manage to progress for a bit, but the danger of pushing through this place still has a toll. Everyone takes six points of piercing damage as you get scuffed up having to maneuver in the dark through heavy thorns and the bladed edges of plants that seem to feed on the blood left in the wake of your cut. The scent of the space seems to turn from that wet, earthy rot into an iron-like blood scent that seems to mingle with the rest of the wood smell. But you continue to guide them on. You still hear out in the distance, (wolves howling) But it does not seem to get closer and closer. It still freaks you out. You press on about another 30, 40 minutes of carefully pushing through until eventually the howls get distant and faded until all that remains now is the thick mists, the sound of discordant crickets, odd predatory birds that stalk the upper boughs of these trees. (deep hooting) (soft growling) (unnatural croak) (skittering) And that's where we're going to take a break.

<!-- BREAK BEGINS

(groaning)

TRAVIS: Oh gosh.

AABRIA: Holy shamoly.

ASHLEY: Holy moly.

SAM: What a heist.

CHRISTIAN: What a ride.

LAURA: We haven't even looked at what we got yet.

ASHLEY: No.

SAM: Oh, I left it. I left it because we needed to--

AABRIA: Yeah.

SAM: Just shed the weight and go fast.

AABRIA: Perfect, perfect.

MATT: Didn't quite get to use my home crafted mini.

ALL: Whoa.

ASHLEY: Oh my god!

TRAVIS: Shit!

AABRIA: Fuck that, we go back.

CHRISTIAN: That is so cool!

AABRIA: I want to go back.

LAURA: Oh my god.

ASHLEY: That is--

AABRIA: I want to high five that guy.

SAM: That's Krull.

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Damn.

LAURA: Wait, what? Let me see it again, let me see it again.

CHRISTIAN: If you kill the Wolf-King, Chet, are you the Wolf-King?

AABRIA: You become the Wolf-King.

LAURA: Ooh.

MATT: That's how it works, I think.

TRAVIS: I mean, kind of.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: Nevertheless--

TRAVIS: My extended family.

MATT: We'll be back here in a few minutes.

CHRISTIAN: There's one for each of us to ride. We'll see you shortly.

LAURA: Oh damn, we should've-- (upbeat music) ♪ Uno, dos, ♪ ♪ Uno, dos, tres, cuatro ♪ (creepy music) (lights clacking)

(electricity crackles)

TALIESIN: Welcome to the Fairelands, a vibrant and diverse coastal valley found within the northern country of Hale. The year here is 1907, a time that feels very similar to your world at the turn of the century. People here are still reeling from the trauma of the last great war, embracing spiritualism and raucous debauchery in the wake of tragedy. Within the metropolis of Newfaire, citizens celebrate the sudden influx of technology and wealth by embracing all manner of vice and revelry. But beneath the city lies the remnants of an ancient alchemical civilization that fell to the misuse of horrifying magick. This same mysterious power still plagues the Fairelands today. Sinister creatures roam dense forests, enigmatic lighthouses illuminate dark waters, and diabolical powers harness arcane artifacts. For as long as this corrupted magickal bleed has run rampant through the Fairelands, a secret esoteric order known as Candela Obscura has used their centuries of knowledge to fight back. Each circle of investigators is composed of brave individuals recruited by Candela Obscura to work together. From criminals to professors, mediums to magicians, this team is called to protect the world from the horrors of the unknown. They are guided through the darkness by an enlightened veteran known as a Lightkeeper. Today, I will be yours, so stay close. (gentle yet ominous string music) (light switch clicks) (gentle yet ominous string music) (gentle yet ominous string music) Hey Critters! Laura Bailey here to guide you through what's new in the Critical Role shop. Aw! They're so mini! Style should never be a dump stat, darling. Can you put donuts in this? Only one way to find out. It's the little things in life. I mean the Traveler always says impulse purchases are a good decision. Look at this. Isn't it fashion? So much fashion happening here. You're only like five clicks away from owning this. Maybe more if you have a lot of windows open on your browser, I don't know your life. And hey if you want, you could head over to the Critical Role shop right now. Hi. We're the narrators of Midst. What's Midst? It's very simple. It's a weird surrealist fourth wall breaking reality bending science, fantasy space western about a small, doomed planet floating in a cosmic ocean of spooky darkness. Upon whose alien landscape an ensemble cast of characters, including a crotchety outlaw, a freakishly virtuous cultist and a weird, diabolical bastard, make awful decisions and fight like hell to survive when the moon falls out of the sky and a large number of terrible things happened in rapid succession. It's exciting, it's funny, it's scary. It's got neat sound, weird music, amazing visuals, and every episode comes with bonus content you can read and examine. Midst is performed solely by yours truly. As the three of us narrate all the action, play all of the characters, and bend a lot of the rules about how telling stories is normally supposed to work. Midst is pretty fun, very strange, and it feels like VR for your brain. We believe you'll enjoy it. Or maybe you won't, but there's really only one way to find out. You're going to have to listen to Midst. (epic music) (mischievous music) (typewriter clacking) (peaceful music) Narrator: When the forces of evil threaten Exandria, these heroes are there to answer the call. Taliesin: I'm Super Scanlan, with my Critical Role Twitch subscription, I can watch all my favorite CR shows before they come out on YouTube. Take that evil doers! Ashley: Here comes Jester, with her Twitch subscription to Critical Role. She can access gnarly emotes and post links in the chat, too. Taliesin: Radical! Ashley: Boosh! ...Oh no! Here comes some trolls to jam up our live chat. Taliesin: Don't worry, Laudna will stop them with the help of Critical Role's Professional Moderators. Ashley: She's spooky, but I like her. Here comes Laudna's friend Chetney. He has an Amazon Prime membership, which gives him one free Twitch subscription of his choice. Of course, he subscribes to Critical Role. It's the power of teamwork. Die, die, die! Taliesin: I'm spooky. Ashley: I cast Agonizing Bolt! Taliesin: Scanlan's Hand! Ashley: Stab 'em Chetney Ashley: And look, there's Caleb with the power of introspection and existential dread. (cows mooing) Taliesin: Now that we've defeated all the bad guys, let's gift subscriptions to other users. You can do that by name or randomly. Matthew: Taliesin, Ashley, please. I've told you so many times just don't play with those, okay? They're super fragile, custom made, custom painted. You know what? We have to film in about 30 minutes, so why don't you two just come with me. Come on. (clicks tongue) (footsteps receding) Ashley: Oh, it's Major Buzzkill here to take away all our fun. (indistinct exclamations) Ashley: Is it Thursday yet bitch? Taliesin: You can certainly die! Ashley: Oh! Good one. Taliesin: Loot his corpse! Take his vest! Ashley: Goooosh! Matthew: Would you please stop that?! (fast bright music) Ashley: Grog smash! Narrator: Subscribe to Critical Role on Twitch and collect all 21 action figures. Alternate forms and familiars not included.

LAURA: (laughs)

BREAK ENDS -->

Part II
MATT: And welcome back. Having escaped from the dangers that stalked you here as the evening came to take the skies over Molaesmyr, you now feel yourselves a bit scattered to the northern side of the forest from the city. The journey home still sits before you. As the adrenaline begins to eventually fade from your veins, the soreness and the reality of your escape and what is necessary to return begins to set in. What would you like to do?

TRAVIS: Ow.

AABRIA: How's everyone doing?

LAURA: Oh, I'm not in-- it's been an hour. Has it been an hour?

MATT: It's about there I'll say, sure.

LAURA: (swooshes) Hi.

CHRISTIAN: It's good to see you.

AABRIA: Hi.

TRAVIS: (yells) I'm back in my sexy form.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: (sighs) That was a trip.

AABRIA: Is everyone okay? Does anyone need anything?

SAM: More or less.

ASHLEY: Yeah, we made it.

AABRIA: Are you okay?

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

SAM: I'm okay. I'm okay.

AABRIA: Are you just saying that?

SAM: I feel a little hinky.

LAURA: You were hinky before the fight.

SAM: Uh-huh. (laughs) I'm okay, though. Right now, I'm a little hinky, but I'm okay.

AABRIA: I got you, I got you. I'll use a 2nd-level Cure Wounds.

SAM: I don't think that's going to help, okay.

TRAVIS: Oh, so you're a different kind of hinky?

AABRIA: Oh my god, I rolled so fucking bad.

CHRISTIAN: Is there anything I can do?

AABRIA: That hurts.

SAM: Maybe.

AABRIA: 12 points.

LAURA: (whispers) Maybe like a blowjob?

SAM: Thank you.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah, something like that.

AABRIA: Two and a one on the dice.

CHRISTIAN: It's new to me but I can try.

LAURA, ASHLEY, and CHRISTIAN: (laugh)

AABRIA: Well, I rolled really bad. I like healing, it helps me.

SAM: Oh yeah?

AABRIA: Yeah.

SAM: That's cool.

AABRIA: Wicked.

TRAVIS: It's dark now.

LAURA: Should I try to find-- is there anywhere we can camp? Is that weird to camp in here?

TRAVIS: We could try the floor, we could try to climb a tree. Although they tend to be people and you got that satchel.

SAM: Yeah, I got a satchel we got to look at.

AABRIA: Oh, we got to look at that.

TRAVIS: We should probably rest.

CHRISTIAN: Is there any cover in the area?

LAURA: Do we find a safe area?

CHRISTIAN: Just where we are? Is there anything that looks safe?

MATT: Roll a perception or a survival check.

CHRISTIAN: It's going to be perception.

SAM: Guidance.

AABRIA: Guidance.

CHRISTIAN: That is a 12.

AABRIA: Plus a d4.

CHRISTIAN: Plus 12. No.

SAM: We're fine.

CHRISTIAN: Plus 11, so 23.

LAURA: Plus Guidance.

CHRISTIAN: Did you guide me?

LAURA: Yes.

AABRIA: Add it.

CHRISTIAN: 23 plus four. I mean plus, we'll see. Three. So 26.

MATT: 26, pretty solid.

LAURA: That's pretty solid.

MATT: Pretty solid, 26.

ASHLEY and SAM: Pretty solid.

MATT: There are two options. You do see one raised section of a cluster of trees in the bows that has what you hope to be an abandoned nest of a large creature that now sits as a somewhat sunken half-dome constructed space that is about 15 or so feet off the floor of the forest.

CHRISTIAN: We like elevation.

MATT: You also see within one of the nearby bramble tangles an area that has created a small 10-by-15 foot dome space that looks like it's an enclosure within where a bunch of these vines and roots have knotted and created this tiny fort.

CHRISTIAN: I present both options to the group. I don't know what you guys would think is a better idea.

SAM: The fort sounds really fun.

LAURA: I don't know what's safer, honestly.

TRAVIS: The nest sounds fucked.

ASHLEY: Then it's settled.

LAURA: So the dome it is.

CHRISTIAN: Dome it is.

SAM: Yeah, the fort.

LAURA: All right.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: Tree fort.

MATT: All right. So you gather yourself within your bramble fort. The good news about the bramble fort is because it's mostly enclosed aside from a couple of small crawl spaces, you get the sense that you could safely create a fire if you want to and it probably won't be visible from most sources in the forest.

LAURA: Amazing.

CHRISTIAN: That's good.

LAURA: Let's do that.

TRAVIS: More fire, thanks.

CHRISTIAN, AABRIA and MATT: (laugh)

TRAVIS: Trauma.

AABRIA: That's fair.

LAURA: Yeah, sorry I caught that room on fire, y'all.

SAM: No, no.

ASHLEY: It's okay.

SAM: You were doing your thing.

ASHLEY: That was fine.

SAM: You fell down the stairs, are you okay?

LAURA: (laughs)

AABRIA: How's your tailbone?

TRAVIS: Yeah, maybe next time don't drink before we go into the ancient city of Molaesmyr.

LAURA: Yeah, sorry.

AABRIA: Wait, girl, are you holding?

LAURA and AABRIA: (laugh)

LAURA: No, unfortunately.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

SAM: Well, let's open up this satchel.

LAURA: Yeah, let's look at that satchel.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: Can someone make a fire?

AABRIA: I'll make a fire.

LAURA: Yeah, Fearne can.

ASHLEY: I'll make a fire.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I can, too. I'll help you.

AABRIA: Thanks.

TRAVIS: We produce heat, you know?

SAM: Ooh.

AABRIA: (laughs)

SAM: From friction?

AABRIA: God, I want to be horny about this, I'm so tired.

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Can I communicate with you? Have you cast it, can I communicate with you always?

LAURA: Yeah, what's up?

CHRISTIAN: There was something scratching at my head back there and we had an idea about you pushing in a little further. Maybe later on, we can do that.

ASHLEY: Oh, that's right.

LAURA: Oh my gosh, yes, 100%.

CHRISTIAN: It's not a priority, but maybe later on.

LAURA: Yeah, we could definitely do that.

CHRISTIAN: Thank you, I appreciate it.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Satchel.

AABRIA: (laughs) It's the look after.

LAURA: We can definitely do that.

TRAVIS: Yeah! (laughs)

SAM: I open the satchel.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: (gigantic puff) We all die.

LAURA and AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: Not all of you.

LAURA: We check it for traps, no.

TRAVIS: (screams) No, no!

MATT and AABRIA: (laugh)

MATT: No, but the rest of you do watch as FCG reaches through and goes to open it and as you begin to pull on it, there is a blue flash (intense crackle) and you watch as FCG is slammed immensely and with incredible force into the top of this inner space before (thuds) onto the ground. You do take--

SAM and LAURA: Oh my god.

AABRIA: Now aren't you glad?

TRAVIS: We've never played this game before.

SAM: A satchel.

TRAVIS: We've never played this game.

SAM: A satchel.

MATT: 38 points of force damage.

LAURA: (gasp)

TRAVIS: Say it.

SAM: I'm okay.

MATT and TRAVIS: (laugh)

AABRIA: Now what?

SAM: Only because of you.

AABRIA: You're fucking welcome.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

LAURA: How's your eh-eh meter though?

SAM: It's okay.

LAURA: Okay.

AABRIA: Hey, bud.

SAM: Ow!

(groans)

LAURA: Oh no.

TRAVIS: Shh, shh, shh. It's okay, buddy.

SAM: (screams)

CHRISTIAN: I come up to him and I hold his head, "Are you okay?"

SAM: Ow, there's a stick in me.

CHRISTIAN: "Oh my god," I take it out.

SAM: Oh! (relieved) Oh, you pulled out.

LAURA: (groans)

TRAVIS: (sputters)

SAM: (sighs)

AABRIA: Ridiculous. Hit his dumbass with another Cure Wounds.

LAURA: Set it up perfectly.

TRAVIS: The wood was so big.

CHRISTIAN: I didn't mean to do it!

SAM: You were so, it was so big in there.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, my eye. Do you have any napkins over there?

LAURA: Yeah, we have a--

SAM: Thank you.

TRAVIS: Sorry, kids.

AABRIA: Take 19 points of healing.

MATT: It's too late to apologize for that, Travis.

AABRIA: We are out of 2nd-level slots.

SAM: Oh no.

LAURA: You made him leave.

SAM: I chased Christian off the show.

AABRIA: Oh!

(laughter)

AABRIA: Well, yeah.

SAM: Oh well.

TRAVIS: Hot and bothered.

AABRIA: It be that way. As another one of his paramours, I get it.

SAM: Anything else in the satchel?

MATT: Now you can open it.

SAM: Okay, good.

MATT: Having set what--

TRAVIS: Poof.

MATT: -- arcane lock/trap that was on it off.

TRAVIS: Fuck.

MATT: You reach in and it's empty.

CHRISTIAN: What?

AABRIA: Empty?

TRAVIS: Oh.

SAM: It feels like there's something, right?

LAURA: It's a Bag of--

AABRIA: Fucking empty?

LAURA: Yeah, you got to call for something. Ask for Ludinus' notes.

SAM: I ask for Ludinus' notes.

MATT: You feel a bunch of papers in there.

SAM: Whoa! It's a Bag of Holding.

AABRIA: Oh. That's fun.

MATT: You bring out a cluster of somewhat crinkled vellum and parchment as well as some sections of half-bound journals that are torn in places, like parts of it have been removed or separated. Yeah.

SAM: Can I-- Do I know enough about magical bags to know that you can?

MATT: Make an arcana check.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: I do.

AABRIA: Guidance.

LAURA: Yeah, that's true. You've been around the block a few times, Chet.

TRAVIS: I worked for the post office for a couple years.

MATT: You can make it with advantage.

AABRIA: What's the post office?

TRAVIS: It was after I got fired being the milkman.

AABRIA: (laughs)

SAM: A two.

AABRIA: So many little gnomes.

LAURA: With advantage?

SAM: The other one was a nine. Plus one for Guidance, 10.

MATT: 10.

SAM: Plus negative one.

MATT: Nine.

LAURA: Nine.

MATT: You don't know.

AABRIA: Incredible.

LAURA: But you could grab it from him and do it.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I've been around.

SAM: Don't you take this from me. This is my thing.

CHRISTIAN: Be careful, Mr. Pock O'Pea.

AABRIA: Why?

TRAVIS: We started utilizing things like this when we would make toy transfers out of Rexxentrum.

SAM: Oh, is that true?

TRAVIS: Oh, my shit was high in demand. I had to move around, cover of night. We'd use body doubles.

SAM: Did your former boss have a sack that he threw over his back and carry things around?

TRAVIS: Well, I got it from a credible source within Rexxentrum, from the Authority.

SAM: All right. Here. What do you do?

AABRIA: This sounds bad.

SAM: Take it.

TRAVIS: You take it, turn it upside down and you shake it.

AABRIA: Motherfucker, I thought it was going to be different.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: You do that?

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Not near the fire.

MATT and TRAVIS: (laugh)

AABRIA: Just over the fire.

MATT: A bunch of coins come spilling out and hitting the ground. Some gems hit.

CHRISTIAN: Food.

MATT: A couple small objects land.

LAURA: Nope, not food.

MATT: A staff (clatters) falls out and it hits the ground.

TRAVIS: Please be an ox.

MATT: A bunch more papers and notes (swoosh). Some sort of an odd, looks like a half-piece of a leather piece of armor or something hits the ground.

SAM: I'm writing this down.

CHRISTIAN: Hey, would he know that we--

SAM: Armor.

CHRISTIAN: -- touched this?

SAM: Staff.

LAURA: Probably.

TRAVIS: Who?

CHRISTIAN: Your arch-enemy that you hate?

TRAVIS: Ludinus?

CHRISTIAN: That guy.

LAURA: He might, he might know--

CHRISTIAN: When the glyph went off, he wouldn't be aware?

TRAVIS: That's not how ours worked.

LAURA: Oh.

TRAVIS: It just allowed you to keep a lot of stuff in there.

AABRIA: Who cares?

LAURA: No, but--

AABRIA: Isn't he just bad?

LAURA: The trap. The trap might have gone off, but it wouldn't have--

ASHLEY: Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

LAURA: He's powerful, I don't know, it might.

SAM: This could've been here for 500 years.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: That's true. Did he just forget about it? He just forgot he had all this? How much coin is that?

TRAVIS: Let's take a look.

AABRIA: Can I ritually cast Detect Magic? Because I only have one spell slot left.

MATT: Yeah, as a ritual, you can.

AABRIA: I'm going to wait for 10 minutes. I'll be like: I'll tell you if stuff is magical in a little bit.

LAURA: (sneezes)

MATT: Gesundheit.

CHRISTIAN and TRAVIS: Bless you. While she's focusing, do we see a variety of languages or is it all Elven?

MATT: If you look at all the papers, they're blank.

TRAVIS: Fucking of course they are.

AABRIA: Goddamn it.

SAM: Try lemon juice.

TRAVIS: We need lemons.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Literally across the board.

CHRISTIAN: What about that thing you did back in the room, Chet-- Mr. Pock O'Pea, where you--

TRAVIS: Oh!

ASHLEY: Oh yeah, yeah.

CHRISTIAN: You saw what was written on it?

SAM: Don't ruin them, though.

TRAVIS: I'll take us a single piece of paper, and I'll take a little handful of soil. Get my mitts, my paws all dirty.

AABRIA: I have to restart Detect Magic.

(laughter)

SAM: What if they're activated--

TRAVIS: I rub it to see if there's any indentations in the paper.

AABRIA: So smart.

TRAVIS: Like a chalk rubbing.

MATT: Make an investigation check for me.

ASHLEY: Guidance.

TRAVIS: Oh, right.

LAURA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: I have one job.

(laughter)

LAURA: It's stupid, but I'm going to do it.

AABRIA: If I'm not pushing a raft, I'm casting Guidance.

TRAVIS: That was a four for the Guidance to 22.

SAM: Nice.

ASHLEY: Hey!

AABRIA: Look at you.

MATT: You see a very, very faint layer of scratch marks that you could probably assume to be writing across it, but you cannot quite make out a language on them. But you do see that at least this confirms that these papers do have something that was once written upon them.

SAM: I will cast Command on it at 1st-level and say "Reveal." Maybe it's activated by magic.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's good.

AABRIA: Interesting.

MATT: Paper, not being a humanoid, because it's a piece of paper, does not seem to react.

AABRIA: What if we draw a neck on it?

TRAVIS: At first glance!

AABRIA: What if we draw a neck on it?

TRAVIS: We know your tricks.

LAURA: What if we shaped the paper into a human?

MATT: If you got Polymorph.

TRAVIS: Lay it out with legs and--

LAURA: Yeah.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Put all the sheets out and give it legs and a neck.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: Does that count?

TRAVIS: The gems.

MATT: It comes to life, "What am I? Why am I here?"

AABRIA: You pass butter.

MATT: "Kill me, I shouldn't be."

AABRIA and MATT: (laugh)

ASHLEY: Gems, coins.

TRAVIS: The gems, we could pocket those. Are they crazy substantial or do they just look like gems? Anything unique about them?

MATT: It looks like part of this may have been just a--

TRAVIS: Bug out fund?

MATT: Either a bug out fund, or things that were gathered in a place that was not meant to be found while everything else was gathered in a rush maybe. The gems are worth about 250 gold at a quick glance.

AABRIA: Nice.

MATT: As far as the coinage, about 653 gold coins. About 250 platinum pieces.

CHRISTIAN: Wow.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's a lot.

AABRIA: And two passports and a gun.

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: 653 gold and 250 platinum in addition to it, or?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: There's also an odd four-inch rod of polished pale burgundy wood.

LAURA: That's just--

MATT: That's a solid piece of wood that's smoothed, polished, clean.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

SAM: It's a dildo.

TRAVIS: Kids--

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: No!

TRAVIS: This is not--

ASHLEY: No!

AABRIA: Wrong end.

TRAVIS: It's too smooth.

AABRIA: "It's too smooth."

MATT: Oh god.

TRAVIS: That's some boring shit.

MATT: Eight years of this.

ASHLEY: It's smooth, polished wood, but also did you say it was purple?

TRAVIS: Burgundy.

ASHLEY: Burgundy?

MATT: Burgundy.

ASHLEY: That's right.

SAM: And veiny.

ASHLEY: Burgundy, smooth wood.

AABRIA and TRAVIS: (laugh)

MATT: Yeah.

AABRIA: It's got a Duke's Paw stamped on it.

MATT: It's the thickness of a dime.

LAURA: Oh, so it's a pretty useless dildo.

AABRIA: So you're-- it's a 10.

MATT: It's not a dildo!

(laughter)

SAM: Just like I like them.

MATT: If you've been doing your kegels a long time, maybe.

LAURA: It's a swizzle stick of a dildo.

AABRIA: You've got to give me a, "You could certainly try."

MATT: (laughs) You can certainly.

SAM: Slim Jim.

CHRISTIAN: Canon.

MATT: Roll athletics.

ASHLEY and TRAVIS: (laugh)

TRAVIS: This seems to be pretty innocuous.

MATT: Jesus Christ.

TRAVIS: It's some money, gems, some blank paper and a walking stick.

SAM: And then that piece of armor.

AABRIA: A walking stick.

LAURA: And then some armor. Leather armor.

SAM: Or piece of armor.

MATT: You look. It looks like a harness of some kind. Like a torso harness.

AABRIA: You strap the rod into it.

TRAVIS: A big chest buckle?

(moans)

LAURA: We're sorry, Matt.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

AABRIA: Matt, I'm so sorry.

MATT: No, it's fine. Sure.

LAURA: No, no, no, we're done.

TRAVIS: (howls)

MATT: (laughs) It is mostly of a darker stained leather, like a vest harness that goes around the torso. There are parts of it that are brass metallic, and you're not quite sure the material, but it has that brass-gold tinge to it. Hmm. It's not a solid piece and on one part of it, you're not sure if it's the front or the back, it looks like where the heavy brass elements are, they continue into an emerging, a risen portion like a-- How do I describe it? It rises like a metallic volcano. Laura, fuck you.

(laughter)

SAM: A metallic volcano, like coming out of the chest or the back?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Almost like a funnel or a spout?

MATT: Like an open funnel, but there's just an empty space there.

LAURA: Like an open funnel like this, or a--?

MATT: It emerges outward and you're not sure if it's the front or the back.

LAURA: Okay. Oh, weird.

SAM: Something that you could fit a canister into?

TRAVIS: Yeah, or a gem?

MATT: Possibly, a gem, an object.

CHRISTIAN: A core?

LAURA: A beacon?

SAM: Ooh. I can Identify one of these items. Should I do the little rod thing or this vest thing?

TRAVIS: I think the vest needs a second part. Unless one of these gems--

AABRIA: What's the wear pattern on the little volcano?

MATT: It doesn't look like it's heavily worn. It looks like it's been barely used. It's very well-made, it's extremely well-crafted.

SAM: Oh, and then there was a staff, too.

AABRIA: Is my Detect Magic finished, please?

MATT: We'll say as you are all looking over this and discussing it, you finish your ritual casting of Detect Magic.

SAM: Oh yeah.

MATT: And as you do, the chest piece gives off a faint magical essence to it. There is an enchantment based in it. The staff gives a very strong magical essence, and across all the papers you see is a script that is un-- Nobody else is able to see it except for you.

SAM: You can see the script and read it?

AABRIA: Cool, I go: That's magic, that's magic. Give me the papers.

SAM: So the staff was very magic? What about--

AABRIA: Very magic.

SAM: The little cylinder rod thing?

LAURA: What about the little burgundy wood?

AABRIA: Is the burgundy wood the same thing as the staff, or are those different things?

MATT: No, different things.

AABRIA: Okay.

MATT: A faint magic from the piece of burgundy wood, I would say.

AABRIA: Faint magic, the staff is very magic. Strap-on harness, pretty magic. All the papers I'm going to read.

TRAVIS: Okay, and FRIDA can take it down, right? Record it?

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

AABRIA: Oh yeah, take a note.

ASHLEY: Oh, good idea.

AABRIA: Notate.

MATT: FRIDA, write this down.

(laughter)

LAURA: (like Doty) Deanna.

(laughter)

SAM: Is it a language you can read?

AABRIA: Is it Elvish?

MATT: It is Elvish.

AABRIA: I can read it, baby.

MATT: All right.

CHRISTIAN: As you read it out loud, I'll record it.

AABRIA: Perfect. "The notes alluded," sorry, I'll make it up.

MATT: No, I got plenty of notes here for you and it's quite a bit.

AABRIA: Cool!

TRAVIS: While she starts, I'm actually going to go sit at the mouth of where we're at and keep ears and nose and eyes out so we're not ignoring our surroundings.

MATT: Perception check for me.

TRAVIS: Okay.

SAM: I'm going to Identify the staff.

MATT: Okay. Hmm.

LAURA: In the morning--

MATT: Oh, I have it.

LAURA: -- you can Identify something else?

SAM: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: In the morning, he'll be identifying my staff.

LAURA: Ooh, hello.

ASHLEY: Wow-ah.

SAM: (laughs)

LAURA: Why you got to wait 'til the morning for that?

AABRIA: Just a really loud: Heyyo! From on top of the notes. That's my guy.

TRAVIS: Good lore.

AABRIA: That's my robit.

LAURA and AABRIA: (gasp)

LAURA: Ooh.

ASHLEY: Whoa.

SAM: It's a big, thick staff.

CHRISTIAN: That's the staff.

AABRIA: Hate it.

ASHLEY: There's a lot there.

SAM: The Staff of Dark Odyssey.

ASHLEY: Ooh.

LAURA: (gasps)

SAM: "You gain plus one," (mumbling) It does stuff; it has eight charges. It's good for magic-y people. Whoa, it has all kinds of really cool--

AABRIA: Amazing [inaudible].

SAM: -- stuff.

AABRIA: Hell yeah. That slaps. You'll like it.

SAM: (mumbled reading)

LAURA: Does it have a class--

AABRIA: Spellcaster.

LAURA: -- requirement? Just a spellcaster?

SAM: Spellcaster.

TRAVIS: Oh, it does a bunch of shit.

SAM: Oh, you're looking, too? It does a lot of stuff.

LAURA: That's a lot of us. A lot of us are spellcasters.

SAM: Yeah.

AABRIA: I'll take it.

LAURA: (laughs)

SAM: All right.

AABRIA: I walk off into the sunset.

ASHLEY: "Bye!"

AABRIA: Hey, this is all for me, goodbye! And then I burn the notes and leave.

(laughter)

SAM: Wait, did we find out?

MATT: That's fucking baller.

SAM: Wait.

LAURA: What?

SAM: Teleport works, right?

TRAVIS: No.

LAURA: Teleport.

TRAVIS: Doesn't seem to be.

AABRIA: Teleportation circles--

LAURA: They don't know-- Tell them teleportation circles.

AABRIA: -- seem to be working. That doesn't mean--

MATT: Teleportation circles have stopped working.

LAURA: But teleport--

MATT: People have teleported away, but no one's returned yet.

LAURA: So it could work.

SAM: Teleport works.

LAURA: Let me see, let me see.

SAM: We've got teleport.

ASHLEY: (gasps)

LAURA: (gasps)

LAURA: Really?

SAM: Yes. We can get home.

TRAVIS: Maybe, maybe. Maybe.

SAM: We can get wherever.

TRAVIS: Maybe.

AABRIA: Or maybe you die.

LAURA: Potentially. Or it could bamf us into the middle of the sea.

SAM: No, they said that people-- Well--

AABRIA: They never came back. We don't know if they survived.

LAURA: They bamfed away.

SAM: I can ask the Changebringer.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Okay. Oh fuck.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: It's a lot. It's a lot. Yeah.

LAURA: It's amazing?

AABRIA: These are very good.

TRAVIS: That's hot.

ASHLEY: That's really cool. Ooh.

AABRIA: It's very good.

MATT: In looking through the beginning of these notes.

TRAVIS: 16 on perception.

MATT: Good to know.

CHRISTIAN: Isn't it scary that he left this? That's scary to me.

AABRIA: Yeah, that's extras.

SAM: Didn't even need it.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

MATT: The first batch of notes seemed to be revolving around experiments on divine magic essence. Attempts to distill down the base nature of divinity as an energy that can maybe be replicated or destroyed. A lot of theoretical discussions on it, and the notes are a bit scattered. They're not meant to be presented to others.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: They're kind of shorthand and a lot of questions and contemplations and ideas that are partially written and then forgotten or abandoned for other ideas. But that's the first major series of thoughts that seem to come out of these notes. You also see some notes that have designs, sketches, and an engineered blueprint for that strange harness that you saw.

CHRISTIAN: Hmm.

AABRIA: Oh.

MATT: This is not in Elven. The text here is specifically arcane glyphs, like it's instructions for enchantments that are there. Roll an arcana check for me.

SAM: Guidance.

AABRIA: Thanks! (laughs) Oh, it doesn't matter.

SAM: Because it's a 20.

AABRIA: ♪ It's going to be bad ♪ Seven.

MATT: You have no idea what any of the script, runes, or notes around the sketch of this harness mean.

AABRIA: I will replicate them with Minor Illusion, so that any other arcane people might have a better shot at deciphering it.

TRAVIS: Slick.

AABRIA: Put it up on the wall.

TRAVIS: Slick.

AABRIA: Overhead projector, baby. Does this mean anything to you?

MATT: You start sketching them down.

SAM: Put it on the bureau board?

MATT: We'll come to that shortly.

TRAVIS: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: 17.

MATT: 17 arcana?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

MATT: No idea what they mean.

CHRISTIAN: Cool.

MATT: But there are some notes in Elven that follow those initial blueprints, or the conceptual design of it, that speak of a physical regiment of magical infusion. As you continue on, they note on a synthetic recreation of the powerful natural magics that sustain the venerable wardens of the wilds.

SAM: Wardens of the wilds?

MATT: Then beyond that there are additional notes--

TRAVIS: That's old shit.

MATT: -- on dryads and fey--

AABRIA: Fey?

MATT: -- and different fey entities that have locations throughout Wildemount. You can see in these notes hand drawn maps of the regions, eight of them have been crossed off. There are notes about feeding the root.

AABRIA: Feeding? Does that mean anything, anyone? Feeding the root?

LAURA: Feeding the root? Does that mean anything to you, Fearne?

ASHLEY: Feeding the root. Feeding the root.

MATT: You can make a nature or investigation check, if you like.

AABRIA: Guidance.

SAM: Guidance.

AABRIA: (laughs)

SAM: (laughs)

AABRIA: I have a really stupid idea.

ASHLEY: Six.

MATT: No idea.

ASHLEY: I don't know what the fuck that means.

AABRIA: If Ludinus was writing these notes for himself, is there any way I can insight check to try to follow the steps? If this is like contractions written for yourself, is there a way to guess the logic he was jumping over?

MATT: There is, but that would be investigation over insight.

AABRIA: Why can't it be in--

MATT: Because insight is about reading--

AABRIA: The one I want.

MATT: -- an individual's person.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: Investigation is to follow the threads information.

AABRIA: I think we've established that paper is people.

(laughter)

MATT: Well attempted.

TRAVIS: Wow, I just wrote route.

AABRIA: Yeah, I tried.

MATT: Well attempted. But if you'd like to make--

SAM: As you read these notes--

TRAVIS: R-O-U-T-E.

LAURA: Maybe that's what he means.

AABRIA: Yeah.

SAM: I'm going to cast Enhance Ability on you for intelligence, I guess.

AABRIA: (laughs) Thanks. What does that mean?

MATT: You have advantage.

SAM: It gives you advantage on all these rolls.

LAURA: On investigations.

AABRIA: Oh, okay, thank you.

SAM: I pat you on he head and be like: Just be a little smarter, okay?

AABRIA: I'll do my best!

ASHLEY: Guidance.

AABRIA: Natural 20 on the first roll.

(cheering)

ASHLEY: Okay.

SAM: Wait, what were you trying to do?

AABRIA: An investigation check, right?

MATT: Yep.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: To try and follow the path of his notes.

AABRIA: Plus Guidance. Good, that negates the negative one I had for 20.

MATT: For 20. Okay. You were asking to follow the--

AABRIA: Just the leaps in logic--

LAURA: That's great, because we're still exhausted, right?

AABRIA: As you start to leave shorthand for yourself--

LAURA: Are you guys still exhausted?

AABRIA: What are the things he's skipping over?

LAURA: Is that why it was disadvantage?

MATT: What you can gather is that these notes are definitely-- This batch of notes particular that you're looking at right now are--

ABRIA: Thanks.

MATT: -- batched with this harness. They are the next stage past its design.

AABRIA: Okay.

MATT: These are the resources needed for it to function.

AABRIA: Oh.

MATT: So the dryad and fey entities and the locations that have been crossed out, you ascertain are probably powerful dryad or fey entities that have, in the past, 300 plus years past maybe, been discovered and utilized to power whatever this harness was supposed to do.

AABRIA: Does this harness feel inherently consumptive in its use or just in its creation?

MATT: I'll say with a 20 investigation, the way it's designed, everything seems to funnel inward.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: So you imagine whatever resource is being presented--

LAURA: That's why he's so powerful.

MATT: -- into that portion of the device is likely consumed or funneled into whoever is wearing it.

LAURA: So that's how he got so powerful. How he's lived this long.

AABRIA: So here's the thing.

SAM: He's eating people?

AABRIA: If you want to live forever, maybe wear it. I don't know, this is bad. This thing is bad.

ASHLEY: Okay, so you're feeding it?

AABRIA: Mm-hmm.

AABRIA: You're feeding the roots?

SAM: Feeding yourself.

ASHLEY: So you're feeding yourself. I think we all already picked up on that.

TRAVIS: Just to be stupid, the Elven word for root is a plant root and not a route to something?

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: Okay.

AABRIA: Nice.

SAM: And it was "feed the root?" Was that the phrase--

MATT: Feeding the root was a term that was used a few times surrounding these various locations. There are dates situated where it's like, I have to make sure to return to gather every number of years to feed the root.

AABRIA: Oh my god, this Gargamel motherfucker is just grabbing Smurfs.

LAURA: He's just sucking--

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Grabbing Smurfs. Oh my--

LAURA: Does it say--

TRAVIS: Did the bag dump out a bunch of little red booties and a white beard?

AABRIA: (as smurf) ♪ La, la, la, la ♪

SAM: And one pink hat?

MATT: One pink hat. Yeah.

AABRIA: No, he made her.

LAURA: Does it anywhere dear diary say how old he is in those notes?

MATT: No.

AABRIA: He didn't label the top like a book report?

MATT: He doesn't have to remind himself how old he is.

AABRIA: (laughs) Old as shit.

MATT: The last bit of notes in that one batch speak of expanding his restoration sources into the Fey Realm.

AABRIA: Yike.

SAM: Oh boy, Fearne.

AABRIA: He was going to hop over into your realm.

SAM: Was going to? Probably did.

LAURA: Did he already do it?

AABRIA: Maybe did. I don't know. It feels like it got bad here.

ASHLEY: Restoration?

AABRIA: So maybe he didn't get a chance to do it. Or maybe he did.

LAURA: Did Nana Morri ever talk about anywhere in the Feywild that resemble the Savalirwood that was sucked of its energy?

ASHLEY: Um.

MATT: You don't recall any conversation like that, necessarily, but you never had been to the Savalirwood.

TRAVIS: But that would put the--

ASHLEY: I don't think so.

TRAVIS: That would put Nana Morri in danger. That would put the Court in danger.

AABRIA: The Court.

SAM: Yeah, 300 years ago when he wrote this.

LAURA: Unless-- I mean, sure.

CHRISTIAN: There's one X that, or there's one spot that hasn't been X-ed off?

MATT: There's a couple of them that are scattered. There's one that's deep, deep in the northeastern side of the Flotket Alps. There's one in the center of the lake that sits in the middle of the Rime Plains. Looks like there were three within the Savalirwood, though on the sketches you see here, it's referred to as the Veluthil.

SAM: Mm-hmm.

AABRIA: Oh.

MATT: You can see there's one within the Ashkeeper Peaks. There is another one that exists in an island out to the northwest past the waters. So they're all marked little miniature fey fanes. A number of them have been crossed off.

AABRIA: How long does Enhance Ability last?

SAM: A while.

MATT: I think it's an hour.

LAURA: An hour?

SAM: Yeah.

AABRIA: Can I make a history check to see if there's any important historical events that happened? Is there sort of a historical record of him wreaking havoc in any of these other locations?

MATT: Make a history check.

LAURA: Because both of you were alive, right? 300 years ago?

AABRIA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah, no problem.

ASHLEY: Guidance. No?

SAM: You got Guidance.

AABRIA: It doesn't matter.

ASHLEY: Okay.

AABRIA: Oh boy, that's bad.

SAM: Why are you rolling?

AABRIA: What?

LAURA: You should only be rolling once anyway because you had disadvantage and then he gave it to you so you're at normal.

AABRIA: All right, all right. The first one was a 10.

SAM: Oh.

AABRIA: 12.

MATT: No clue.

SAM: Damn it.

AABRIA: I've never read a book. I'm actually older than books.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Back in our day, we would just, you know, talk

TRAVIS: Carve some wood.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Should someone just put it on?

AABRIA: Just painted on cave walls.

ASHLEY: Should someone just put it on?

LAURA: The harness?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

AABRIA: Okay, but maybe you'll kill someone.

ASHLEY: Have a little fun.

TRAVIS: Or it might suck you in.

SAM: Or it needs other things to work.

LAURA: Yeah, I feel like--

ASHLEY: Yeah, it probably just doesn't--

LAURA: -- it needs an activation.

ASHLEY: -- do anything.

LAURA: I think FCG should Identify it--

AABRIA: What if we put it on, but don't strap it up?

LAURA: -- before.

SAM: Tomorrow?

LAURA: Yeah. I think maybe we should--

SAM: I can try to Identify it right now.

AABRIA: If a bad guy shows up, we kill it.

SAM: Let me see here. How does this work?

TRAVIS: The gems, they don't seem to fit the funnel for this thing, right?

MATT: No.

CHRISTIAN: Neither does that--

AABRIA: I won't let you die. Put it on.

CHRISTIAN: -- thing, right?

MATT: No, it's small.

TRAVIS: It's big? Okay.

AABRIA: Do it.

ASHLEY: The funnel, is it a circle? Is it a square?

TRAVIS: Is it a shape or is it roughly hewn?

MATT: Best that you can tell, the portion of-- Because it emerges outward about two and a half inches or so before it comes to an end. The opening gap there has a diamond shaped gap.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: That's the best you can ascertain from it.

ASHLEY: What if you put it on and it feeds the Reiloran or something?

LAURA: Maybe. Maybe you put it on and anything living around you, you can suck their essence up.

ASHLEY: Can I put it on?

AABRIA: Yeah.

SAM: Sure.

ASHLEY: Should I put it on or is that dumb?

LAURA: What if you suck our essence up?

AABRIA: Probably not.

ASHLEY: Should I just go outside?

SAM: You'd probably have to intentionally do it.

AABRIA: What if you sit outside the door and then if anything scary comes, you just eat its essence?

TRAVIS: We could also identify it first and then you can put it on--

ASHLEY: We can identify it first. That's a really good idea.

AABRIA: Either way.

ASHLEY: I forgot we didn't do that. Let's just wait. Let's just wait. We're going to wait and be smart.

TRAVIS: Chest is just like (bursts) ah!

MATT: You come to the end--

ASHLEY: Yeah. (monster screams)

MATT: You come to the end of that batch of notes and feel like that's about as much as the information you can gather from those. The next cluster that seems to be--

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

MATT: There's three of these batches together. The second cluster has a bunch of notes about Ruidus.

LAURA: (gasps)

AABRIA: Oh.

MATT: The red moon.

AABRIA: Oh shit.

MATT: Studying its curious superstitions and religious scripture imploring avoidance of its dark curse and corrupt power over Exandrian fanes and magical alignments. He makes a lot of notes and assumptions that the great temples fear this moon for some reason, and he wishes to know why. He theorizes that the gods continue to push through all their worship to not even question or look in its direction. You can see where the study is an obsession. You can see the perpetual questions of what is it about this that turns them away? Why is it that for all the curiosity and clarity on all the things that are--

(chuckles)

AABRIA: Oh, another one!

SAM: Mm-hmm.

AABRIA: (laughs)

SAM: Did you find him?

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Oh wow.

(laughs)

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: I hate him sometimes.

(laughter)

MATT: For all of the great shadows and villains that have been written about through the scriptures of history, there are deep understandings that are both within tomes and books, as well as sermons given, to inform the populous of faith that what exists in evil should be understood so it can be avoided and fought. But this is the one thing that exists in the skies of Exandria that the gods just say, look away. That has been something in his mind since the era here in Molaesmyr. He notes the odd flares and you also notice some odd notes. Him mentioning that he, in learning of the historical Ruidusborn, quietly curses and wishes that he was not born under. Longing for the mark of the gods' bane out of spite.

SAM: Wishes that he was not born under?

AABRIA: He was not?

SAM: So he was born under the red moon?

MATT: He was not born under.

ASHLEY: He was not.

CHRISTIAN: Ah.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: He hopes to employ an enhanced communion ritual at times during a flare, an attempt to understand what may lie within this strange crimson body. He talks about forgotten gods. He talks about a divine unraveling. He talks of an ancient primordial that wasn't sundered after the Founding. All these various theories of the red moon. He's trying to ascertain what the nature of it is. Another entry complains of mischief from the Emerald Cross priests undermining his research. But he still managed to contact something. Like reaching into an alien dream. It's too far from his abilities, but it exists on a periphery of magic's weave sealed away and he needs something stronger to break through. And that's where that batch of notes comes to completion.

AABRIA: Holy shit. Okay, okay, okay.

SAM: And third batch?

AABRIA: While I'm reading this, would it make any sense to try to trace over the words I'm reading in ink so everyone else can keep the notes and read them, too?

MATT: If you want to.

TRAVIS: We can't read Elvish.

MATT: You said you were doing the illusion--

ABRIA: Y'all can't read Elvish. Idiots.

MATT: They can't, but all the notes you're taking and stuff are the Elvish shapes.

TRAVIS: But he's got a recording. Maybe he could probably--

SAM: Yeah. We'll have an audio recording.

LAURA: He as a printer in his--

(laughter)

LAURA: -- inside.

CHRISTIAN: Boop boop!

(printing noises)

MATT: You guys don't want to know how expensive that ink is, though.

TRAVIS: They didn't update that shit in Aeor?

MATT: It's already out of cyan. You can't print anything else, unfortunately.

AABRIA: He's out of his tone.

TRAVIS: (mimics old printer)

CHRISTIAN: I'm an old model.

MATT: Pull off the little tabs on the sides.

AABRIA: Oh yeah!

MATT: Dot matrix printers.

TRAVIS: That was best, man.

AABRIA: Ooh, that brought me back.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

MATT: For all you young kids out there.

AABRIA: Children.

LAURA: Pulling the papers apart.

AABRIA: Yeah.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: The third batch, which is the one that has the leather binding to it, but has parts of it torn out. It notes on the slowly expanding chaotic nature of the arcane crystals that form the power well beneath the city.

LAURA: What city? This city?

AABRIA: This one? That one?

MATT: Molaesmyr.

AABRIA: Oh, okay.

MATT: It notes of Aramond.

AABRIA: The symbol had the tree and then the thing under it. Those are the crystals.

MATT: Aramond, which you heard referred to from the king of Uthodurn.

LAURA: Oh, right.

MATT: He was the one who was--

AABRIA: Imathan.

MATT: (laughs) Aramond theorizes-- In these notes, he says, Aramond theorizes the well was a gift from the Arch Heart that was lost in the Calamity and rediscovered here when they founded Molaesmyr within the Veluthil Forest. While others like Ezradan firmly believed it to be arcanum in nature, likely fallen from one of the ancient floating cities. Notes on focusing this crystal well below and making minor adjustments to the engineering specs under Aramond's burrows and harnessing this long-buried power source interests this endeavor that Da'leth is focused on. You see in his final bit of notes here, he's theorizing that if this crystal well is focused through his design without them knowing while Ruidus is above during the solstice, he hopes a channel of consciousness could be opened and perhaps whatever is seeking his attention from the red moon can bring clarity and purpose.

LAURA: So he literally-- He didn't even know what he was fucking waking up?

AABRIA: Yeah.

LAURA: He just had a hunch? He just thought he was going to be able to control it?

AABRIA: Wizards are idiots. Don't worry about that mess.

ASHLEY: Definitely.

TRAVIS: I don't know if he was trying to control it or just unleash it.

LAURA: It's Ludinus. He wanted to control it. He's just narcissistic enough.

SAM: He probably has some good qualities, too. There's good in everybody.

AABRIA: Is there?

SAM: I'd like to think so.

TRAVIS: Crystal well beneath the city?

AABRIA: Yeah, if you remember-- I'm going to Minor Illusion the sigil of the city. Because it's got the tree above and the little sun below, right? This part.

LAURA: That was probably that thing was the that was--

AABRIA: Zoom and enhance!

LAURA: -- in the the Key. You remember?

TRAVIS: Sure, yeah. Who would forget?

SAM: (smirks)

TRAVIS: Huh?

ASHLEY: (laughs)

AABRIA: What's happening?

LAURA: When he was talking, this-- I'm sorry FC--

CHRISTIAN: It's okay.

LAURA: FRIDA. I called you FCG.

CHRISTIAN: It happens when you spend enough time together.

TRAVIS and AABRIA: (laugh)

LAURA: This thing opened up and there was this big crystally-looking thing that he was using and...

SAM: Yeah, there was a crystal in there or something shiny.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: You think that's from the well?

LAURA: Yeah, I think that's the powerful crystal.

SAM: Okay.

ASHLEY: Is this well nearby? Maybe we should go down there and--

SAM: Well, it was here.

ASHLEY: It's here?

LAURA: Maybe he took it.

AABRIA: It's not here anymore. He probably took it.

ASHLEY: He took it.

AABRIA: That's probably what caused the corruption. No more crystal and then yuck moon. I don't know magic.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: (sighs) I feel like the Dawnfather under equipped me for this.

LAURA: Who can we give these notes to?

SAM: You can always switch over to the Changebringer.

AABRIA: She doesn't know shit either!

SAM: She does!

AABRIA: She told both of us to don't worry about the moon.

SAM: She is great.

AABRIA: Do I feel like Ludinus made some points in the religious part? Uh-oh. Not going to think about that too hard. Is this helpful?

SAM: I think so.

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah.

SAM: But are we supposed to bring this back to wherever we were before and tell them?

LAURA: Uthodurn?

SAM: Yeah, Uthodurn?

LAURA: Is that who we should trust with this?

SAM: They told us to come here.

LAURA: Yeah.

AABRIA: I'm going to say the bad thing I don't like very much. You have the ability to teleport now maybe with that staff, right?

LAURA: Yeah. We could do it a few times.

SAM: Can we? Count it up.

LAURA: Six charges. Six charges of Teleport.

SAM: Is what it takes to cast it once.

LAURA: Oh. How many charges? It has eight charges.

CHRISTIAN: Do you regain them?

SAM: So we can cast it once.

LAURA: So we can cast it once and then maybe again tomorrow.

SAM: Maybe the second day.

LAURA: So we can at least get back to Uthodurn. And then in the morning, we could--

CHRISTIAN: Maybe we shouldn't go back to Uthodurn. Maybe you guys should go find your friends.

LAURA: That's what I mean, yeah.

SAM: We don't know where they are.

TRAVIS: Don't know where they are.

LAURA: We could go to Jrusar, at least it'd be closer. If it works, I mean, maybe we should go to Uthodurn first because it's closer. I don't know if it makes a difference, but when I was sending a message to you, it worked because we were close.

SAM: Mm.

AABRIA: I don't know what you guys should do.

SAM: Well, we got to get you guys home. I mean, unless you guys want to come with us?

CHRISTIAN: I don't think you should give these notes to the king and queen.

AABRIA: Why?

SAM: What?

CHRISTIAN: Because you don't know who you can trust.

SAM: But they told us to come here, and they don't like Ludinus either, it's affecting their people and their kingdom as well.

AABRIA: This is affecting the whole world. Y'all might be doing the most important thing on Exandria right now, but maybe a couple more heads leaning in could help.

TRAVIS: So I've been trying to think. Okay, so further south of here in this continent is a place called Rexxentrum. It's where Ludinus eventually ended up as a part of something called the Cerberus Assembly. It's a bunch of mages, wizards. They all rule. There's a king, but we know who's really in charge of shit. Anyway, I made some shit for them. It's not a big deal. I don't know if they would be totally chill with him trying to unleash all this stuff, so we could tattle to them and maybe see if there was some people there that could try and stop someone. At least they'd be close to him. Or the other group that was really hot on his ass was Vasselheim. They sent ships and the fucking (exclaims)-- What were those things called? There were these big suits of armor. They were crazy.

AABRIA: Oh, that's very cool.

TRAVIS: What the fuck were they called?

SAM: Uh, yeah.

LAURA: I know what you're talking about.

MATT: Judicator.

SAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh, a Judicator.

SAM: No, just Judicator, right?

TRAVIS: I think it's adjudicator.

AABRIA: (laughs)

MATT: It's just Judicator.

TRAVIS: A Judicator.

MATT and SAM: (laugh)

TRAVIS: Thanks, memory.

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Uthodurn doesn't really have anything for us, I don't think.

SAM: Except the people who sent us on this mission.

TRAVIS: So?

AABRIA: If teleportation magic works, you can send word back to them eventually.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I don't know what they would have. What do we do when we take it back there? It just goes there to die, right? I mean, they don't have any powerful mages. The king and queen are kind of handcuffed like everybody else. The temples seem to be closed and locked up.

SAM: But they also have, it's not just them there. There's a whole group there. What were they called? That all they do is...

AABRIA: The Vellum Steeple?

SAM: Yeah, they solve intellectual problems. They're like a think tank.

LAURA: What about that group that that girl was part of, Beau?

SAM: Who?

TRAVIS: Oh, the one that was with the dirty wizard?

SAM: I did not...

LAURA: He wasn't that dirty.

AABRIA: Was he bad?

TRAVIS: No, he was pretty clean, actually.

SAM: Fearne and I don't know who you're talking about.

LAURA: You never met her--

ASHLEY: I only saw a glimpse from the back, but my god was she beautiful.

LAURA: She had abs for days.

ASHLEY: Oh god, I just saw from the back. I was like, "Whoa!"

LAURA: Anyway, she was part of the Cobalt Soul.

SAM: Cobo-so?

AABRIA: Cobo-so?

TRAVIS: Oh.

AABRIA: What's Cobo-so?

LAURA: Well, Cobo-so, it sounded like she said was a group of people that...

TRAVIS: Librarians, I think it's like a library.

LAURA: But she was a fighter.

AABRIA: Librarian with abs? Every new thing I learn sounds crazy!

LAURA: You should have seen those abs.

TRAVIS: I don't know why librarians would have abs.

AABRIA: That does feel weird.

LAURA: Then there was a wizard from the Assembly, right?

TRAVIS: Oh, was he from the Assembly?

LAURA: That's what he said.

TRAVIS: I don't pay attention.

LAURA: I don't know if he said that.

AABRIA: But he's good or bad?

LAURA: I think he said that.

TRAVIS: They were on our side.

SAM: Was he the guy who turned into a lens?

LAURA: No, I don't know who that was.

ASHLEY: I wrote something down. I don't know if this has to do with anything.

AABRIA: Someone turned into a lens?

SAM: Someone turned into a lens. He was a handsome sort.

LAURA: No, it was not a lens. He turned into a little ball.

TRAVIS: Fearne, you said you wrote something down.

SAM: It was very sad. He died, clearly.

AABRIA: Oh. Well. (laughs)

ASHLEY: Bayestra, people there may know Ludinus. Does that mean?

TRAVIS: Bysaes Tyl?

ASHLEY: Sure.

SAM: Good job, Fearne.

AABRIA and MATT: (laugh)

LAURA: Good notes.

ASHLEY: Listen. But when I'm hearing things, it changes when it gets in my head to paper. That was all I was going to say, but...

SAM and LAURA: (laugh)

ASHLEY: Unless it'll--

SAM: Guidance!

SAM, MATT, and AABRIA: (laughter)

ASHLEY: Savalir, Shadycreek Run, is that a thing?

SAM: That's a place.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we stopped there. It's on the map.

ASHLEY: I don't think I'm talking about that.

SAM: I'm just saying Uthodurn has a think tank. They live there and we know the king and queen. You're talking about going to Vasselheim. Who would we talk to?

LAURA: It's true.

SAM: We don't know anybody there! We don't know where to go. We'd land and be like, "Hello."

AABRIA: Vasselheim's full of divine casters, right?

SAM: I don't know.

LAURA: So they must be completely losing their minds right now.

TRAVIS: It is on the continent of Issylra, though.

LAURA and SAM: What does that mean?

AABRIA: I mean, it's far.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it's far away. I mean, it's untouched. And they were the only ones that brought the thunder. Uthodurn is just sitting there.

LAURA: They didn't bring the thunder. They brought a ship--

TRAVIS: Ships. Plural!

LAURA: -- that was crashed in the desert. It did nothing.

TRAVIS: Judicator, but at least they were trying.

SAM: Skyships, one of them crashed.

AABRIA: You've been on a skyship?

SAM: We owned one briefly until we crashed it intentionally.

AABRIA: Oh.

LAURA: Yeah, we destroyed it.

AABRIA: That's so cool. I've always wanted to go on one.

MATT: Fearne, did you mean Ivaadel?

AABRIA: (laughter)

LAURA: Yes.

ASHLEY: Well, I actually was just going to say that, because I saw that, but that's the city he lived in. Is that where we are right now?

MATT: No, Ivaadel is the city of his origin on Issylra. It was mentioned by the king of--

LAURA: Oh... Don't act like you know. You didn't remember that place.

AABRIA: I believe you.

SAM: Eevavavo? What's it called?

MATT: Ivaadel.

LAURA: Ivaadel.

SAM: It's a different city. That we also don't know anything about.

LAURA: But like...

AABRIA: Can we just rest tonight?

SAM: We need someone to tell us where to go.

TRAVIS: My last pitch before we sleep. Who saved Uthodurn?

SAM: Us.

TRAVIS: Us!

SAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: A bunch of fucking scrubs. They don't have anything that'll help us. We got to trade up!

SAM: They have a think tank! We don't know where--

TRAVIS: Think-tank-shmink-tank.

LAURA: What's a think tank?

TRAVIS: They didn't have anything. I broke in there. I actually went inside. Listen, there's a bunch of bitches in there. They were talking about they were going to hit their timeshare.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Let me tell you!

SAM: They were timesharing?

TRAVIS: They were going to cut and run. Yeah, some people were in the back room and they were like, "Oh, we're bitches," and I was like, "Listen!"

AABRIA: (laughs)

SAM: What about the timeshare?

SAM: They all share a condo or something?

TRAVIS: Oh, it's a great concept, yeah, yeah. Menagerie Coast is full of them. You got to take this little tour, though.

AABRIA and MATT: (laugh)

TRAVIS: One day tour.

CHRISTIAN: I think that there are six of us, and we've come to a bit of analysis paralysis. I can't imagine giving this information to an entire city.

ASHLEY: Wait.

SAM: I agree.

ASHLEY: Aren't you a little bit of... What's your color scheme?

AABRIA and TRAVIS: (laughter)

CHRISTIAN: My color scheme?

ASHLEY: Do you have a little bit of emerald on you?

CHRISTIAN and SAM: Rose gold and emerald color.

ASHLEY: Are you an Emerald Cross priest, maybe?

LAURA: What is that?

ASHLEY: I don't know. That was something in the notes.

SAM: That was something in the notes.

LAURA: Oh, that was what we talked about.

ASHLEY: Start messing up his research?

LAURA: That's right!

SAM: Do we know what Emerald Cross priest means?

MATT: You can make a religion check for me.

SAM: Sure.

AABRIA: Can I make one also?

MATT: Sure.

CHRISTIAN: I never felt like a priest.

SAM: Religion, Guidance.

AABRIA: Oh shit.

ASHLEY: Guidance.

AABRIA: Oh, I got... It doesn't matter. I rolled a natural one because I still am tired.

TRAVIS: 16.

SAM: 19.

LAURA: Ooh

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: Four!

ASHLEY: Add your Guidance.

SAM: Oh, plus Guidance! I forgot. 21.

AABRIA: Ooh!

MATT: Emerald Cross priest specifically doesn't catch a specific note, but you do know that the Arch Heart, one of the deities that looks over some natural spaces, elven spaces, magical spaces. Some of the symbology tends to lean on cross-like material, specifically the intersection of two different designed lines. The verdant nature of many worshipers of the Arch Heart leads you to believe that perhaps there may have been a faction within Molaesmyr that worshiped the Arch Heart. That may have been referred to either intentionally or colloquially as Emerald Cross priests.

ASHLEY: That might be a bit of a stretch. I'm sorry.

LAURA: That's a cool idea, though.

ASHLEY: Yeah, it's something.

LAURA: We have to figure it out.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I feel like we need muscle. We got to recruit.

LAURA: Maybe we can go back to Jrusar and then find Laudna and Ashton and Orym, and then we can all go together to deliver this information.

TRAVIS: No offense, I would love for them to be there, but that whole event sent us halfway across the globe.

LAURA: Yeah, but we're finding a way back. We're finding a way back, Chet. Maybe they could find a way back, too. Maybe they weren't sent as far. Maybe, maybe...

CHRISTIAN: I put my hand on your shoulder.

LAURA: It's just so close! It doesn't make sense to not go and at least try.

SAM: Or at least tell them what we know. Maybe they know someone in Issylra, maybe they know someone in Vasselheim, maybe we can reach out to that Keyleth person. Oh wait. Is she dead?

LAURA: She might be.

AABRIA: Whoa.

SAM: A lot of people that we know are probably dead. Or we could go to Whitestone. Wait. Did we go to Whitestone? We did.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we did.

SAM: I don't know! I just know that we know some people in high places. It seems like we should ask them before we blindly go into another city without knowing anyone.

TRAVIS: That's fair.

AABRIA: But assume that everyone, like Uthodurn, is sending people out and trying to gather information. If you go somewhere new, maybe they've heard something new.

SAM: That's true. If only the Changebringer could answer this for us.

TRAVIS: I don't mind going back to Uthodurn. It feels like we won't get anything while we're there. But I admit, at least going back to where this all went down, at least is taking steps towards a solution. We got a staff now. We got this harness.

ASHLEY: (chuckling)

AABRIA: I don't know what that was.

TRAVIS: The chest piece.

LAURA: Yeah, it's a harness.

ASHLEY: What's the Archmage of Domestic Protection? That's nothing, right?

AABRIA, LAURA, and SAM: (laugh)

ASHLEY: I'm trying to see things that are floating around in my brain.

AABRIA: Hey, can I read Ashley's notes while I've got this up?

MATT: Yeah, sure, yeah, totally. (laughs) That is Ludinus' position within the--

ASHLEY: None of it makes sense.

MATT: The official position of Ludinus within these Cerberus Assembly. The Archmage of Domestic Protection.

ASHLEY: That's right. I tell everybody that.

SAM: What's the Oderan Wilds?

TRAVIS: (laughs)

AABRIA: He's asking stuff now. Damn, spitballing like a motherfucker.

SAM: Just random words.

MATT: (laughs)

SAM: Okay, we should teleport now though.

LAURA: I know! Why sleep in these terrible woods if we don't have to?

ASHLEY: Yeah, I think we should also, maybe if you're up for it get in there a little bit.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, there might be something in there.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: That's true. That could reveal...

SAM: Everything.

LAURA: Yeah, we should try it.

SAM: First?

LAURA: Before we teleport. Once we do--

CHRISTIAN: Are you guys keen on teleporting tonight? My only worry is if you teleport where you're going, and the shit is on there, you're all battle-worn, your magic has been used, most of you.

TRAVIS: Flip side of that coin, we teleport somewhere we're not trying to go, shit is on there.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

LAURA: So we sleep here, teleport in the morning?

SAM: If we teleport once now, then tomorrow we can also teleport again probably.

LAURA: Sure.

SAM: Right? Wait, what's the roll? What do you roll?

LAURA: It depends. You have to try to regain the charges.

SAM: With a d6 or a d4?

LAURA: A d4.

SAM: (pessimistically) Ooh.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: So we might have to wait a couple days.

LAURA: Yeah. Sit down.

CHRISTIAN: Am I going to be okay after this?

LAURA: Yeah.

AABRIA: I want to insight check Imogen.

MATT: Make an insight check. Imogen, make a persuasion or deception check, your choice without telling.

AABRIA: I cast Guidance on myself. Fuck it. Let's see. 23.

LAURA: I am unsure.

AABRIA: Now I go over to you and pull out that blanket I gave you on the first day and wrap you up. I trust you. You've got this, and we're all here for you.

LAURA: Thank you.

AABRIA: Okay.

LAURA: If anything seems strange, it probably won't, but if it does, just get me out of it, whatever it takes.

AABRIA: Okay, lean down. I just want to kiss her on the forehead and cast Guidance.

LAURA: You going in, too, FCG?

SAM: Isn't that the plan? We're both like...

LAURA: Double duties?

SAM: Double dipping.

CHRISTIAN: I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what you'll unlock or-- if anything. I had something, I was going to wait until you left. But I had something made for you, for us, really. In case I come back different or something happens while you're in there, I just want you to remember me and this and us for what it is, okay?

SAM: What?

LAURA: (gasps) You got something real made?!

LAURA: Wait, Christian, what?

SAM: What's happening? What's happening?

AABRIA: ♪ And I swear ♪

MATT: ♪ By the moon and the stars in the sky ♪ (gawking and cheering) (gawking and cheering) (gawking)

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Oh my god!

SAM: That's your color.

AABRIA: That's my favorite thing in the whole world.

LAURA: It says FCG!

SAM: It's your color!

ASHLEY: Oh!

(laughter)

LAURA: That's the cutest.

MATT: That's so fucking cute. Oh my god.

SAM: How did you? Wait, did you knit these?

AABRIA: Yes.

SAM: Oh my!

MATT: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Aw, it's so lovely.

TRAVIS: Poly-blend? Deanna, your skills are...

LAURA: Look at how cutey-cutey!

AABRIA: I invented polyester.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

AABRIA: It's so cute.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

MATT: It's super cute.

AABRIA: You fucking cutey.

SAM: Oh wow.

LAURA: That's adorable.

CHRISTIAN: Let's do this.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: Thank you, FRIDA.

ASHLEY: It's going to be okay.

SAM: Yeah, yeah, we're just going to see some memories, that's all, and then we'll make more.

LAURA: Can you Enhance Abilities? Is that a concentration? Can you do it at the same time?

SAM: What would I be enhancing?

TRAVIS: (sneezes)

AABRIA: Bless you.

SAM: Are we making ability checks in there?

LAURA: We might, perception, stuff like that.

SAM: Yeah, but I don't really know what to enhance.

LAURA: Wisdom.

SAM: Beforehand.

AABRIA: I'll burn my last slot. I'll cast Guidance on the three of you.

SAM: You know what? They're both concentration.

LAURA: Oh they are? Okay, never mind then. Yeah, get that on. Get it on.

AABRIA: Let's go. All right, Imogen, FCG, FRIDA, all have Bless.

MATT: Bless, got it.

LAURA: Bless, okay.

AABRIA: I'll try to do it at the last possible second, so you guys have the full minute.

LAURA: Okay, great.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Oh, come on. I love it.

LAURA: So cute. Okay. All right.

AABRIA: I love you, FRIDA.

CHRISTIAN: I love you.

SAM: We're going to connect hands.

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Touch his temples, their temples, and both cast Detect Thoughts at the same time, and FRIDA, just try to open your mind and open your receptors and sensors and just let your guard down.

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: I just grab Chetney and I'm crying.

TRAVIS: It's okay. It's all right.

AABRIA: What if they hurt him?

SAM: See what we can see.

AABRIA: What if they hurt them?

LAURA: Yeah. It's not going to. It's fine, it's fine.

AABRIA: Okay.

MATT: As the spell takes hold, both of you feel yourselves drawn into for you, a familiar liminal consciousness space. For you, it's odd. When you look into minds, it's usually a collection of odd images and memories that form this scattered tapestry. This feels like a waiting room. It's different. It's organized. It's segmented. It's separate. You've even spent some time in FCG's mind, but even that leans a little more in the chaotic space of other people.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

LAURA: You're a mess.

MATT and AABRIA: (laugh)

MATT: FRIDA's has a clarity to it.

AABRIA: Damn.

MATT: But within this chamber where you both come to rest alongside this consciousness that is FRIDA, standing there, a being of light and mist, similar shape, you stand before an archway with two doors waiting to be opened. What do you do?

SAM: Two doors?

CHRISTIAN: A double door?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

SAM: You want the coin?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

AABRIA: Aw!

CHRISTIAN: I'll open the door.

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Push the door open.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a wisdom check for me, if you don't mind.

CHRISTIAN: Me?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Add a d4.

CHRISTIAN: 11.

MATT: 11, okay. As you push through the door, you find the three of yourselves pulled--

CHRISTIAN: 14. Plus three, 14.

MATT: Okay, 14. Pulled forward with a gentle, warm energy. As you cascade beyond these opening doors, it's almost like you're being pulled down a lazy river. There is an energy river of some kind that you are all gliding along. It's dreamscape. It's comfortable. This is a trek through a consciousness where you pick up memories. You pick up a waking moment. You see a hooded figure in a metallic mask rousing them from a dark, closed space of an indeterminate period of time.

LAURA: Did it look like D, who we saw before?

MATT: D?

LAURA: D, yeah.

MATT: Yeah, you see a memory of D pulling you from an extended stasis. You see struggle. You see survival in a harsh wilderness. You see wandering through unfamiliar streets and fear in the eyes of people as the consciousness of FRIDA steps, seeking connection and being held at bay or fled from. You see children playing, and that protective energy swelling from within, and that fear fades. You see the laughter and smile on Deanna's face over a cooking fire. You see the polishing of armor. It is a smattering of memories, but for those minds you've delved into, much like FCG's up to a point, it's a fresh existence. It's like peering into the memory of a child, though there is a much more extended, sourceless confidence and maturity.

CHRISTIAN: Can I focus on a few words or images?

MATT: If you'd like to, yeah.

LAURA: FRIDA, that child made you feel safe.

CHRISTIAN: I will first think of the names that I heard in the tower that started that itch, Laerryn and a few other words, a few other names, and when I see the children, I will focus on the dream that FCG walked in with me and the child that he saw and see if that brings anything new to the surface.

MATT: Roll a d20 for me.

AABRIA: Can Bless help?

CHRISTIAN: Five.

MATT: You get lost a bit in the current of these memories. You see flashes and glimpses. The faces of the children that accepted you when you were wandering on the outskirts of Uthodurn begin to bleed into flashes of the child from before, both the laughter, the smile, and the fear. You have images that completely envelop the horizon for just a moment that all of you experience of warfare, of weapons, of people being cut down, and then back to the river pulling you along. You have had these dreams, you thought, rarely, but, it couldn't have been you, right?

CHRISTIAN: I look down. What do I see when I look down?

MATT: When you look down, you see, right now, the river of energy that's pulling you through these memories is obscuring the lower part of your body, but you see, your spiritual self is what you would hope to consider it, but you're just a bipedal entity of energy drifting along this odd, dreamlike memory space.

LAURA: We need to go deeper.

SAM: I think so. Can we try to push deeper into these memories?

MATT: If you'd like to.

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and, whoever's helming this, roll a d20 and add your spellcasting modifier.

LAURA: Can you Guide me?

AABRIA: If this counts as an attack roll, you get a d4.

SAM: Can I Guide her?

MATT: It does not. Not this. I let you guys stretch the extent of a cantrip to the very edge.

AABRIA: We love Guidance!

LAURA: Natural 20.

(cheering)

ASHLEY: Yes!

AABRIA: Now can we use Guidance?

(laughter)

SAM: For a 17.

AABRIA: (laughs)

LAURA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Oh man. Oh man.

AABRIA: There's a look.

SAM: Some sort of contested--

MATT: FRIDA. You feel this bright pain in your mind, like a headache. You've never had a headache really before, but this is what it must feel like. As that pain begins to build, you watch as the spiritual form of FRIDA begins to tense up and fold and this white light begins to emerge from them as you push deeper into their consciousness, and as you do, that flash of warfare seems to emerge once again. But now you look around, and it's less a battlefield. It's stone hallways. There's bodies on the ground. You see robed figures, armored. Somebody rushes out of a room, and you now look forward and watch as they fall to the ground, bloodied, collapsed, and there standing before them is the spiritual form of FRIDA. You are just witnessing this firsthand, but the rest of you watch these motions, a warrior cutting through enemies in some sort of a structure, a very beautiful, unrecognizable structure.

SAM: Unrecognizable.

LAURA: Where are you, FRIDA?

CHRISTIAN: Does anyone look familiar?

MATT: Not in this room, no. You just know they're the enemy.

LAURA: Who is the enemy?

CHRISTIAN: I push forward. I keep moving. I don't know who...

LAURA: The people that are falling, what do they look like? Are they dressed like?

MATT: Some of them you can see have brown and gold robes with gentle leather accoutrements or armor over it or chestplates. Some are preparing to begin to cast spells before a blade catches the side of their throat. Another individual ends up casting a spell that lifts another figure nearby that you can just see out of the periphery of your vision that gets thrust out of the memory. You watch as a soldier runs up with a spear and shield up towards FRIDA in this moment, and FRIDA takes a hit to the shoulder before grabbing the spear and the shield, peeling it away, and then breaking the individual's neck and dropping it on the ground, and continues pushing forward. You're still witnessing this, and it feels alien. It's like you're riding somebody else's experience. This isn't you, but you're experiencing it. It's an odd third person perspective, but still within that space.

SAM: FRIDA, who commanded you to do this? Who's your superior? Who's...

CHRISTIAN: It feels right, so I lean in all the way and I follow.

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: I don't know who's commanding me, but I know an objective when I see one, so I'm going to keep going.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a d20 for me.

SAM: Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!

AABRIA: Natural 20?

LAURA: Whoa!

CHRISTIAN: 10.

MATT: 10.

LAURA: (laughs) That was a scary roll!

(laughter)

MATT: The details are still fuzzy, but many of the people around you that you're attacking, you begin to realize it's not you pushing into a stronghold. You're defending, but the people that are fighting to your sides and the people that you're fighting against aren't dressed that differently, and you sense a sadness in what must be done. You're not fighting an enemy on the outside.

CHRISTIAN: These are friends.

MATT: You're fighting an enemy from within.

CHRISTIAN: I think... I think these were comrades, friends. I turn behind me. What can I see behind me? What are we defending?

MATT: You turn around, and as his consciousness shifts, the rest of you can begin to see some clarity and focus on the opposite side. This beautiful structure that you're within, long halls, tall, somewhat arched ceilings with large runnings of almost pipes or metallic tubes that run throughout, the floors are metallic, the walls have a metallic sheen to them, polished with details. You don't know if it's language or just scrawling, but it's beautiful. That's all you see currently.

LAURA: Can I read the language?

MATT: It's not a language.

LAURA: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Can I read the language?

MATT and SAM: It's not a language.

(laughter)

SAM: Can I read the language?

MATT: Yes, you can. Yes, yes, of course, sure. Let's just go. Do you continue forward with how you were commanded, or do you push back?

CHRISTIAN: It's clear to me that we're defending whatever's behind me?

MATT: Yes.

CHRISTIAN: We turn back.

MATT: Okay, you follow the impulse of FRIDA. As you turn back, others begin to move past you. They give you looks of confusion. What are you doing? And they continue on. You hear the sounds of battle behind you now, from the direction you were walking. The hallway seems to go on and on and on as individuals walk past you, and as they go 10, 15 feet behind you, they tend to dematerialize. Their memory fades as they're lost to time, to memory, to war. The hall begins to widen, and then here, you see a central, massive cylindrical chamber. Within this space, there is a contraption of such immensity, you've never, ever considered or seen something on this scale. All manner of glowing, crystalline devices and whirring, mechanical contraptions, funnels and tubes and glass domes and sparks and dozens upon dozens of architects and engineers and magical practitioners all focused in this space. A voice shouts out, "(foreign language) Factorum!"

LAURA: Do I recognize--

CHRISTIAN: Do I understand it?

MATT: You recognize it, and you recognize it. You do not.

LAURA: What the fuck?

MATT: "Protect the Factorum."

SAM: "Protect the Factorum."

LAURA: Can I see who it was that shouted that? Do I see a person?

MATT: No. You just hear a voice.

SAM: We understand it. Do we know what the Factorum is?

MATT: Make a history check.

AABRIA: (gasps)

SAM: Because she rolled a natural 20, I get advantage on this.

MATT: You do, you do, because of your subclass.

SAM: History?

AABRIA: Come on, buddy.

SAM: Where is history? There it is. 10.

MATT: You're uncertain. You're uncertain. But the room itself carries an energetic buzz. There is a hum that grows to a growl. There is an engine of such immensity within this space, sourceless, that the entirety of the chamber itself vibrates. The ground beneath you shakes, and stones and fallen instruments move and jiggle and cascade across the ground by the immensity of what is growing within. The crystals are alighting. The space itself is preparing for something incredible. Then there's just white. All three of you take eight points of psychic damage and immediately are shunted out of the memory.

LAURA: I'm resistant, so I take four.

MATT: You take four.

SAM: Whoa!

AABRIA: Is everyone okay? Is everyone okay? Is everyone okay?

LAURA: What was that?

AABRIA: What was what?

LAURA: What's the Factorum?

AABRIA: What's the what?

CHRISTIAN: Has anyone here heard of the Factorum?

AABRIA: Factorum?

ASHLEY: Yes. Yes, I have. I'm just kidding.

TRAVIS: We all have.

LAURA: You've heard of it, Chet?

TRAVIS: We all have.

LAURA: What is it?

TRAVIS: The Malleus Factorum.

SAM: Is that a thing?

MATT: Factorum Malleus.

LAURA: Factorum Malleus?

AABRIA: Come on now, say it!

TRAVIS: You remember we found out that the telescope was actually some repurposed thing from one of the old cities?

LAURA: That was the original.

TRAVIS: I think it was the-- I think it was the weapon that they were trying to--

LAURA: Take down the gods with?!

AABRIA: (squeaks)

TRAVIS: Why? How did you hear it?

SAM: They were there. They defended--

CHRISTIAN: I was defending it. But I wasn't--

AABRIA: Where was it? Where was the Malleus Factorum?

TRAVIS: On one of the early, ancient cities.

SAM: We know that you're from Aeor, maybe, right?

AABRIA: Aeor?

CHRISTIAN: Originally.

SAM: So it was on Aeor.

MATT: This conversation unlocks one little tidbit of your memory. When you were discovered by D, you were ruined.

CHRISTIAN: Metallic or human, corporeal humanoid?

MATT: You were metallic.

CHRISTIAN: But destroyed?

MATT: D didn't just resuscitate you. D repaired you. D brought you back from the brink of annihilation, and then set you free.

LAURA: Whoa.

TRAVIS: Malleus Key?

SAM: So you blew up with the thing.

AABRIA: So that's why you wanted to go back to Aeor. Because you knew.

LAURA: Wasn't that city destroyed?

AABRIA: It was. But it drew you back. Did you learn anything?

SAM: Just that this weapon has some sort of a connection to 1,000 years ago.

TRAVIS: They called it a Creator Hammer.

LAURA: Did it look like-- Did it resemble the Malleus Keys that we saw?

MATT: Now through this conversation, you can see some similarities in the funneling of structure, the power and energy signature of what you witnessed in Marquet naught but a few days back, but on a much larger scale.

LAURA: If Ludinus ever gained access to your brain--

CHRISTIAN: He would know.

LAURA: He could recreate it completely.

SAM: He already sort of did, right?

LAURA: I mean, what we saw was nothing like what existed then.

AABRIA: But doesn't it sound like Ludinus has taken all the scraps from big places, and trying to make something--

LAURA: Yeah, he's trying.

AABRIA: But he's just guessing.

TRAVIS: Assuming you told us all the details of the dream, the glowing crystals, did they look like crystals that we saw in the one that Ludinus was operating?

MATT: Different.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: They were different.

AABRIA: So he's building it from a box of scraps.

SAM: And nothing that we saw in those visions was familiar to me at all. The places, the people, none of that.

MATT: I mean, there were facets of the clothing that struck some similar chords, but you did not recognize the location. You didn't recognize the machinery.

TRAVIS: You're Order 66.

AABRIA: Bro, you were on Avalir. Piece of shit.

TRAVIS: You were out. You were a satellite, homie. Damn.

LAURA: Wow.

CHRISTIAN: Conversely, that seems like very powerful magic, so there might be remains of it.

LAURA: Oh, I'm sure.

CHRISTIAN: And there was a lot of military presence there.

AABRIA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: So maybe they're already ahead of us.

AABRIA: Do you think that's Ludinus using Xhorhasian agents to do that, or just, you know, maybe they're trying to get it before he can get it. I don't know what the scale of this is. It feels very big.

TRAVIS: Do we know where Aeor--

AABRIA: Crashed?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

AABRIA: That's where we came from.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah, Eiselcross.

TRAVIS: Way up north?

AABRIA: That's where we were on our way back from.

LAURA: Really?

ASHLEY: What were you all doing there again?

CHRISTIAN: I wanted to see where I maybe came from. I felt drawn to it. I didn't know exactly why. I feel a little bit more clear on that now.

LAURA: Wow.

TRAVIS: Been around 1,000 years. He could've been picking it clean.

AABRIA: Yeah. Sounds like they already did.

LAURA: So are we sleeping here? Or are we going?

SAM: We still don't know. I mean, that was amazing. You feel okay, FRIDA?

LAURA: Yeah, that's a lot to reveal.

SAM: Better? Worse?

AABRIA: Did you see the child?

MATT: There's something clawing at the back of your mind that you missed.

AABRIA: Is there a kid?

CHRISTIAN: No, I don't feel better. I feel-- I don't-- Ominous. It feels ominous.

LAURA: There was something with children, for sure.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

AABRIA: You said you got an itch from the names that you heard when we were in the tower?

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

SAM: But none of those came up in this memory.

AABRIA: You didn't see any of them.

CHRISTIAN: There were three names mentioned. Laerryn.

SAM: Vishtaraan and Vaatora.

LAURA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Vishtaraan and Vaatora.

AABRIA: I'm Laerryn.

TRAVIS: Vaatora, Laerryn, Vishtaraan.

SAM: The Laerryn one just sounds real boring.

AABRIA: It's so interesting.

LAURA: (laughs)

AABRIA: I saw a room of people doing what one person did.

TRAVIS: At least from the dream, it sounded like you were defending, you were protecting, right? You weren't attacking or subverting or betraying. You were trying to stop something.

CHRISTIAN: I was trying to stop my brothers and sisters, it felt like. They were me. They were of us. It was infighting.

ASHLEY: You were trying to protect the thing?

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

LAURA: That would take down the gods.

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

AABRIA: So you wanted the Creator Hammer to work.

CHRISTIAN: Yes, or--

SAM: Or you were protecting it from falling into the wrong hands!

TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean, you've been nothing but protective with us.

AABRIA: You have a pretty strong anti-god thing.

LAURA: Yeah, that's true.

AABRIA: That kind of makes sense.

LAURA: Maybe that comes from--

AABRIA: It's okay!

CHRISTIAN: I killed a lot of people.

LAURA: We all do.

AABRIA: I'm going to go over and hug FRIDA. It's okay.

CHRISTIAN: This is the first time I've ever refused a hug from you.

SAM: Oof.

TRAVIS: FRIDA, if I may, that wood that you gave me, I've been working on it. I want you to know, those protective qualities are so special.

LAURA: I grab your hand, and I give you a hug.

AABRIA: Thank you.

TRAVIS: It's something not to be ashamed of. You should be proud of who you are and where you come from. I don't know if you see yourself the way that we see you. I think you should have this.

SAM: It's a sweatshirt made out of wood.

AABRIA: (laughs)

MATT: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Oh!

AABRIA: Oh! It's so good! That's so cute!

LAURA: It looks just like you.

TRAVIS: It's hard, I don't fuck around with the fabrics because fashions change, but the form is there. That's a pillar of protection. You talked about a child, and I feel a connection with you because you protect children, and I like to entertain them and bring them joy with these. Don't doubt yourself. We'll figure out whatever it is that's in the back of your head, but you're aces.

ASHLEY: And just think, you know, you were being commanded then. You had something that you had to do. But now, you're free to do what you want.

LAURA: ♪ FRIDA do ♪

ASHLEY: ♪ You're FRIDA do what you want ♪

CHRISTIAN: Maybe-- Maybe the past doesn't matter as much as I think it does.

TRAVIS: I think what matters more is what you do next.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: What is this liquid substance?

TRAVIS: Oh god, he's dying.

SAM: Oh no, you're leaking.

TRAVIS: They're dying. They need to be fixed!

(oil can squeaking)

ASHLEY: I think those are tears.

LAURA: Take a little handkerchief out. You can wipe them away, if you want.

CHRISTIAN: Thank you. Well, I think we know something Ludinus doesn't know. That's good.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: It feels like if we studied the vest more, one of us put it on, we could go suck in Fearne's grandmother and get more powerful.

SAM: Oh god.

LAURA: Oh my god, what if it is? What if he would've sucked in Nor--

CHRISTIAN: Your grandmother? Why do I keep calling her Norri?

SAM: Normie?

ASHLEY: It's all right. It's pretty close. Yeah, my grandma's pretty great.

TRAVIS: You could become a fey Megazord.

AABRIA: Ooh.

ASHLEY: Ooh.

SAM: What is that?

TRAVIS: I'm not sure.

ASHLEY: I don't know, but I could become that.

CHRISTIAN: Thank you all.

TRAVIS: What do we think? Marquet? Back to where it's going down?

LAURA: I think so. I mean--

TRAVIS: You're right. Vasselheim, they don't know who we are. We don't really have anything but old research papers that you decoded.

AABRIA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Who would believe us, anyway? It's time to get back to the fight.

SAM: But wherever we go, what about you two? Are you going north to the ice? Or back to Uthodurn?

AABRIA: I don't know. What do you want to do?

CHRISTIAN: I think this is our fight now, too.

ASHLEY: I do, too. You should just come with us.

AABRIA: Okay. I think Deanna sidles along onto the other side of Imogen and is avoiding eye contact a little bit.

LAURA: I put my hand on your shoulder. I'm pulling you against my hip.

AABRIA: Yeah! (laughs)

CHRISTIAN: Mr. Pock O'Pea, I think you're right. I think we need backup, more friends. And we need to find your friends.

LAURA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: And I really don't want to leave you.

SAM: I don't know if I could. I don't know if I could.

CHRISTIAN: Far-Ranging Integrated Defense Aeormaton at your service.

SAM: What's your name stand for?

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

AABRIA: I don't know. I think Deanna kind of moves away.

SAM: Aw.

TRAVIS: I'll go check on her.

LAURA: Yeah, maybe we stay here tonight, wake up in the morning, and teleport out.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: Just in case you're right, FRIDA, and all hell's broken loose over there, too.

CHRISTIAN: I'll take first watch.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I'll stay up with you.

MATT: All four of you are currently prepping your camp.

AABRIA: Hey.

TRAVIS: You all right?

AABRIA: Yeah. I don't know. I kind of feel like this isn't-- It's nothing. Just being emotional. I feel like FRIDA's moving on, and I don't know, I just get nervous I'm being left behind again.

TRAVIS: No, no, no. I don't think you should feel that way at all.

AABRIA: But they've got FCG now, and all of you have a mission, and FCG's a really good healer, and maybe I should just go back to Uthodurn, and I could tell them what we learned, and you guys can keep going.

TRAVIS: No, we would've been wrecked without you! Oh fuck, we would've been Swiss cheese, laid out, mowed over.

AABRIA: One more.

CHRISTIAN: A few times.

TRAVIS: Kaput!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: If we didn't have your spells, I don't know, I think we would've joined that meatball.

AABRIA and CHRISTIAN: (laugh)

TRAVIS: Can I just ask? I felt when you moved past, you touched my shoulder, but it had this little warmth to it. I couldn't really feel myself-- It felt different.

AABRIA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: What was that?

AABRIA: That was my Death Ward.

TRAVIS: Hm?

AABRIA: A Death Ward.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Chetney, I really just don't want anything bad to happen to you.

TRAVIS: Oh.

AABRIA: You're really important to me, and I don't want to make it weird, because I know you have to go and save the world or whatever, and I don't want to be a burden. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you.

TRAVIS: I made something for you, too.

CHRISTIAN: Oh god.

AABRIA: What? Oh!

TRAVIS: I pull this out of my ass.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: It's been really uncomfortable.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I don't know if you remember our nights on the beach in the Menagerie Coast.

AABRIA: I do. Oh.

TRAVIS: This was the one that we, I mean, we drank from, we kept, decorated, but I never forgot it. It's a bitch to carve, because the lines are all crazy, and really to get it that smooth is tough.

AABRIA: It's beautiful.

LAURA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: But I've never forgotten about you, and I'm really old. I forget shit all the time. But, I mean, there are a few bright spots, and you were one of them. I love that you found a family and moved on and had kids. That's crazy! And you died and you came back to life!

AABRIA: Crazy.

TRAVIS: You literally jumped through time.

AABRIA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: But you have a place with us, and with me. Your future is very bright. You can do anything you want to. I found these fuckwits, and everything changed! I went from making toys to maybe helping prevent catastrophe.

AABRIA: Is it okay if I hug you?

TRAVIS: Yeah, come here. Come here.

AABRIA: It's really good seeing you again. I don't want to make it weird, but the werewolf part was really hot.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

AABRIA: Okay, I'm kind of nervous, so I'm trying to deflect to sex. Just a real quick question.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Is the werewolf thing only for fighting?

TRAVIS: You know--

LAURA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: There's only one way to find out.

ASHLEY: Yes!

TRAVIS: But I might recommend not in the Savalirwood?

AABRIA: I mean.

TRAVIS: Plus, listen, you already jumped through time, so this is all just icing on the top, right?

AABRIA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: So if you want to increase your freak, I say we just go for it. I'll train you up.

AABRIA: Hell yeah!

TRAVIS: Okay.

AABRIA: I feel much better, thank you.

TRAVIS: Oh, but I have to be-- You know what, I have to rest first, so--

AABRIA: Yeah, okay.

TRAVIS: But listen. All the options are on the table.

(laughter)

MATT: You've already taken a short rest, technically.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Well.

AABRIA: Well.

TRAVIS: Well.

AABRIA: How're you feeling? I'm going to gently put down the shell and go: Help! Help! Chetney's gone crazy! Someone, anyone, preferable Fearne if you're down for that! Help!

LAURA: (laughs) Oh my god.

ASHLEY: What's going on out here?

AABRIA: Run! Chetney's gone crazy! The safe word is Parmesan!

ASHLEY: Oh no!

AABRIA: I'm going to run out of the fort.

LAURA: No, the Savalirwood! Deanna!

TRAVIS: It's okay. I'm very familiar with these woods. (howls)

(laughter)

SAM: Just let it happen.

ASHLEY: Let it happen. I'm going to go over.

TRAVIS: (deeply) We might live. We might die. The choice is yours.

ASHLEY: I'm going to go slap you in the face.

TRAVIS: (deeply) Oh!

CHRISTIAN: Oh my god.

ASHLEY: Go get her now!

MATT, AABRIA, and LAURA: (laugh)

TRAVIS: (deeply) Yes, ma'am.

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: We've crossed the threshold here.

AABRIA: Amazing. Sweet.

CHRISTIAN: It's lovely.

SAM: Roleplaying roleplaying.

LAURA: Oh my god.

(laughter)

MATT: Very well.

LAURA: Amazing.

TRAVIS and AABRIA: (laugh)

MATT: While the rest of you-- (laughs)

TRAVIS: In the Savalirwood!

AABRIA: Yeah, dude!

ASHLEY: If you need any help.

AABRIA: I do! I told you, the safe word is Parmesan! Come help!

ASHLEY: I'm coming!

TRAVIS: It's only an hour. You can make it.

MATT: Oh, you're catching up with them?

AABRIA: I only have 15 feet of movement!

ASHLEY: Yeah, sure. (laughs)

AABRIA: (screams) Yeah!

SAM: Are you going to go watch or are going to--

AABRIA: Be a part of it.

ASHLEY: I don't know. I'll see what happens.

AABRIA: Okay!

(laughter)

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: Put it on the board. That's a three-way, baby.

SAM: Pan to the moon.

MATT: Yeah, to just Catha.

LAURA: ♪ Pan up to the sky ♪

TRAVIS: DM, we don't know how long we have.

MATT: I respect that. No, I respect that.

TRAVIS: None of us may make it out of this.

MATT: I respect that.

TRAVIS: You can't let certain palettes go untested.

AABRIA: We could teleport into the moon or whatever.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: That's true!

AABRIA: Get some fucking while the getting is good.

LAURA: I play thumb wrestling with myself--

(laughter)

LAURA: -- inside the dome.

AABRIA: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard in my whole entire life.

MATT: The three of you rest up and keep watch.

CHRISTIAN: There's nothing to keep watch for.

(laughter)

MATT: There are many frightening creatures that wander the Savalirwood, and there are many sounds that (laughs) put you in a defensive state.

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS and MATT: (laugh)

MATT: You're uncertain which are your friends and which are not.

TRAVIS: (deeply) These woods are so dangerous!

(laughter)

AABRIA: (howls)

CHRISTIAN: Oh god, the artwork.

MATT: Oh boy.

(laughter)

MATT: But--

AABRIA: (laughs)

MATT: Eventually, an evening's rest is found for some of you--

(laughter)

LAURA: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

MATT: -- and eventually for the rest.

AABRIA: Huh! (laughs)

MATT: As what little bit of sunlight begins to breach the shadow of the Savalirwood and a new day comes anon. Those of you who had exhaustion, you can decide whether or not you recover it.

SAM: (laughs)

ASHLEY: I feel so good. I feel just aglow.

AABRIA: Honestly, I feel great.

SAM: Yeah?

ASHLEY: Yes.

TRAVIS: Sometimes, there are secrets to staying alive for 400 years ♪ And I'm happy to witness ♪

CHRISTIAN: Deanna, what are those scratches?

AABRIA: Don't worry about me.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

AABRIA: Worry about yourself.

CHRISTIAN: Sure.

SAM: You survived the night?

TRAVIS: Of course! I would say I really put it on the night rather than survived it. It survived me.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Us, the royal we.

LAURA: Did you guys get bit?

AABRIA: Huh?

LAURA: Did you guys get bit?

SAM: By like mosquitoes, you mean?

LAURA: Mm, mm-hmm.

ASHLEY: I think I may have bit you.

AABRIA: I think you bit me.

ASHLEY: I'm really sorry.

LAURA: Oh okay, good.

AABRIA: Am I going to turn into a were-faun?

ASHLEY: You just might, we'll see.

TRAVIS: Let me see your feet, how are your feet? Oh shit.

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: My favorite part.

TRAVIS: Are you developing a pouch?

AABRIA: Oh my god, yes.

LAURA: All right.

AABRIA: A little Joey pops out. It's yours!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: That shit is accelerated in the Savalirwood.

LAURA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Somebody got to put a Surgeon General warning on this place.

AABRIA: The corruption has spread.

ASHLEY: What a horny episode.

LAURA: Yeah.

(laughter)

AABRIA: I didn't think it was going to happen, but then.

SAM: You didn't?

ASHLEY: We made it happen.

LAURA: I didn't what?

SAM: How was your night?

LAURA: Oh, it was just fabulous.

ASHLEY: Just a little--

LAURA: Why? Why? How was yours?

SAM: Pretty good.

LAURA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: We watched the moon.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: We held each other.

TRAVIS: Oh.

LAURA: That's wonderful.

TRAVIS: Wait, it's been a night, right?

LAURA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Oh fuck.

LAURA: Oh my god, if this is--

AABRIA: I think you should have to roll multiple.

LAURA: -- your last night, this is perfect.

AABRIA: Yeah, please let it be.

ASHLEY: That'd be a good last night.

SAM: Come on, come on.

AABRIA: Please.

SAM: Come on.

AABRIA: Come on.

TRAVIS: I'm alive, baby.

(laughter)

SAM: Damn it.

TRAVIS: Better than ever.

SAM: That would've been perfect.

AABRIA: That would've been so dope.

MATT: That would've been great.

AABRIA: I fucked him to death. Good night!

TRAVIS: There are a few less wrinkles this morning.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: My back's a little straighter.

AABRIA: Hey.

(laughter)

SAM: Don't look a day over 500.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

LAURA: All right. So we're going back to Jrusar?

SAM: Do we get our hit point maximum back, by the way?

MATT: Those of you who lost hit point maximum, yes, you do get it back after a long rest.

ASHLEY: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: And your exhaustion is gone? Is that true?

LAURA: Yes.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah?

LAURA: Unless they re-exhausted themselves.

MATT: Unless they decide otherwise.

(laughs)

AABRIA: (laughs cheekily)

SAM: And where do we go?

LAURA: Are we going to Jrusar, or are we going to Whitestone?

SAM: Y'all coming with us, at least for now?

AABRIA: I don't think there's anything back for us in Uthodurn.

SAM: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: I did leave all of those drawings in my room. But that's okay. (laughs)

AABRIA: We can go back.

CHRISTIAN: Sometime.

AABRIA: Whenever you want. We're with you.

SAM: Amazing. All right. To...?

LAURA: Jrusar or Whitestone? The only other thing I can think of is to tell the Lord and Lady there about what happened.

CHRISTIAN: Are they friends of yours?

AABRIA: Of Jrusar or Whitestone?

SAM: In Whitestone, we know some folks who are very powerful.

AABRIA: Y'all know everybody.

LAURA: We're friends with Keyleth.

SAM: Yeah. Keyleth who's the head--

AABRIA: Keyleth? Keyleth's the one that got turned into a lens? No. Her-- No, she is probably dead.

AABRIA: Oh, okay.

LAURA: Knowing what I know about Orym, I feel like--

AABRIA: That's the Planerider?

LAURA: -- he would also--

SAM: No, it was a different person we saw die.

AABRIA: Okay.

LAURA: He would also want to get word back.

SAM: Who would?

LAURA: Orym. So I feel like Whitestone would be a place that he would go to.

SAM: Or where he's from. What if we go to where he's from?

LAURA: I don't know where that is.

SAM: Zephrah.

TRAVIS: Zephrah?

LAURA: Yeah, but I don't know how to teleport to a place that we haven't been.

ASHLEY: I've been there.

SAM: Oh?

ASHLEY: I've been there? I've been there.

MATT: Been to?

ASHLEY: Zephrah. Didn't I go to Zephrah with Orym?

MATT: You would've. Yeah, you've been there.

SAM: Do we want to go there?

ASHLEY: I don't know.

SAM: It might be real sad.

LAURA: That seems a little anti-- Yeah.

SAM: It's real sad place now that Keyleth died.

LAURA: Probably, they might not even know that Keyleth isn't--

SAM: We could tell them.

AABRIA: Let's play a little mind game. You get Teleport, they get Teleport. Where would y'all think to meet?

LAURA: Jrusar.

SAM: The other group?

AABRIA: Yes.

ASHLEY and LAURA: Jrusar.

LAURA: Or Whitestone.

AABRIA: So why not start back there?

LAURA: Those are the only two places that I think they would think to go.

AABRIA: Then maybe they would leave word if they were there and then left or something like that.

LAURA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Is Jrusar where you guys teleported from?

LAURA: That's where we all--

CHRISTIAN: Where the giant thing is?

SAM: Met first.

LAURA: We all met the first time.

TRAVIS: And just to be clear.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, where you all met.

TRAVIS: You're talking about Jrusar, not Bassuras, right? Close to where the Key was?

LAURA: I was talking about Jrusar.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: Bassuras is just a little scarier and Jrusar at least has, you know-- We have connections there, people that were going after--

ASHLEY: What if you tried to reach out?

SAM: Wait.

ASHLEY: I know.

SAM: I said this last night.

ASHLEY: I know it didn't work.

SAM: I said this last night. I'll just ask the Changebringer.

LAURA: All right, between the two. Jrusar or Whitestone?

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: Because she can answer yes or nos or give a one-word answer thing. Where should we go?

SAM: Well, she can answer-- Well, if I ask her correctly, let's see here, which is it? There's Divination and then there's something else. Divination and--

MATT: Commune is the other.

LAURA: If we've learned anything through all of this, it's that we should definitely rely on the gods for our answers.

SAM: She has been nothing but helpful.

AABRIA: It seems like they've got the most skin in the game.

LAURA: That's true.

TRAVIS: Mm, skin.

LAURA: Should I--?

AABRIA: (chuckles) I bit you. I remember that.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I've got some pets.

SAM: All right. I can ask three questions, then. What do I, just before I do this--

LAURA: You just decide yourself, FCG.

AABRIA: (laughs)

SAM: Should we go to Jrusar? Should we go to Whitestone? Should we go-- I get a third question.

ASHLEY: To Bassuras?

TRAVIS: Should we go to the source of the Key, the Malleus Key?

AABRIA: Bassuras?

ASHLEY: Back there?

LAURA: Yeah.

AABRIA: Bassuras.

MATT: As a general note.

SAM: It's no just "should."

MATT: Is that "What should we do?" is different than "What should we do to accomplish a thing?"

SAM: Yes, yes, yes.

MATT: You want to be a little clear because, "Should we?" "Sure."

(laughs)

SAM: These are yes or no questions, right? Hold on, how does this work?

CHRISTIAN: Where should we go to find--

LAURA: To find--

SAM: Oh, "that can be answered with a yes or no," yes, okay.

LAURA: Where's the best place we can go to find support?

SAM: But that's not a yes or no question.

TRAVIS: Would we want to ask where our friends are?

SAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: What continent they're on?

SAM: Yeah, I think our friends.

ASHLEY: Yes.

SAM: Yeah, all right. So I will cast Commune. I will cast Commune and I will grip my coin and call out to the heavens and see if she responds.

MATT: Okay. As you do so--

SAM: ♪ Changebringer ♪

MATT: You clutch the coin within your hands.

SAM: You told me to do that at some point.

ASHLEY: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: Close your eyes and complete the ritual to Commune with this deity that you've recently come to take on as your own. You recall the last and only time you've really met was at a breathtaking distance. Here, you feel your consciousness rise to a space between all horizons. You stand at a crossroads, like an infinite number of paths all spread out from you in all directions. One, two, three, four roads. Everywhere you turn, it's just continuous, all roads that converge here. There's a signpost on the side and you look at it and it's blank. The mountains, you see in the distance and as you glance around, you look off one way and out of the side of your vision, you see these strands of hair just drifting with the wind as the wind picks up. (soft wind blowing) You turn back around, and there you see once more this feminine form upon that same horizon at a distance where you're uncertain, she looks two inches tall, two miles tall. You can't tell how far away she is, which is even stranger that her hair stretches out so far as to meet you on both sides, which means she can't be that far, but she's on that mountain. It's strange. But she's present.

SAM: Hi. First of all, thank you for all your guidance and getting us through that little pickle back there and thank you for sending me FRIDA. (whispers) I know it was you. We're trying to find our other friends and we're wondering, if we go to the place where we first met them, Jrusar, if we would have a chance to find them there maybe not today, but at some point?

MATT: While previously there was an inference of an answer, this time, you hear a voice on the wind. (breathy) "Yes."

SAM: Oh wow. Wow. Okay. That already helps a lot. I have two other questions. What do I do with them?

ASHLEY: Can you ask if they're okay, if they're alive?

SAM: Oh yeah.

TRAVIS: That's a fucking stupid question.

SAM: That's a great idea.

ASHLEY: Huh?

SAM: Are they alive, Changebringer? Are they-- Are they okay?

MATT: "Yes."

ASHLEY: (gasps)

AABRIA: Nice.

SAM: Amazing.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

SAM: Amazing.

LAURA: If she said we could meet up with them, obviously.

ASHLEY: Oh yeah, that means--

TRAVIS: Fuck.

SAM: But they're all alive.

LAURA: I mean, so far.

SAM: We could've met with their dead bodies. We don't know.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: Do I get one more question? (as Changebringer) "Yes."

(laughter)

MATT: You technically asked two questions in the last one, but I'm not going to pin you on that.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

AABRIA: (laughs)

SAM: For my last question, my third question.

AABRIA: (whispering) Ask about FRIDA.

SAM: Yeah.

AABRIA: "Does FRIDA like me?"

(laughter)

SAM: Check this box.

(laughter)

AABRIA: "Maybe."

CHRISTIAN: Don't you waste a question on me.

SAM: Even if I never know about my past, even if I never find out who made me or why I'm here, will I know FRIDA for a long time?

AABRIA: Ooh.

CHRISTIAN: I'm being eaten by the wolf gang right now. He has no idea.

CHRISTIAN and LAURA: (laugh)

MATT: The wind picks up and blows past.

LAURA: He's gone.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

MATT: The answer challenging to write when the future has not been.

SAM: He's a dead man.

AABRIA: (laughs)

SAM: All right.

MATT: (staticky wind)

SAM: Ah!

MATT: In an immediate rush, the form of this woman on the horizon (forceful wind) arrives right before you.

AABRIA: Ooh, Jesus.

MATT: In a blink of an eye. This towering woman, you glance up at her, you see her dark skin, her light brown hair that now (whirls) whips around and entangles around you with the wind. Her presence is bold and somewhat terrifying in proximity. Her eyes are just these open, golden spaces. There's an intensity about her presentation, her clothing itself whipping like the hair in the wind around as she looks down upon you. "A terrible fate looms for all of Exandria. An alien malice menaces the skies of the Marquesian sands. If you indeed wish to show your faith, to walk my endless paths beyond, then rise to our call. The winds of change blow cold against us all. Yet hope remains unmoving in you. Our grace carries those who carry our banner. Hold it high and traverse the path I alight with purpose and fated destination. Do not turn from this road, for only shadow and solitude awaits behind." All the light on the horizon grows cold and she grows even more immense and you feel even more insignificant and chilled in the rising wind. "The Red End stirs in its slumber. Do not let it wake." She looks over her shoulder and you see the distant gleam of the red moon before (intense wind) you are brought back to the middle of the wood.

SAM: Oh!

MATT: At the same time that this is happening, the rest of you watch as a sudden, almost like a sleepiness comes over Deanna. Deanna, you--

LAURA: (gasps)

SAM: Oh no.

CHRISTIAN: What?

MATT: -- sit for a second before, suddenly, this bright light fills your consciousness, (searing) the immensity of a star burning before you. Something you've not experienced at this proximity in some time and comes with it a strength and a frustration long felt at times. You try your best to avert your gaze until you look back directly into the source of this light, it burning your retinas, and there you see before you in the bright golden shining armor, head burning like the heart of the brightest star, the Dawnfather stands, encompassing the sky. Nothing but his light and his presence burning before you. "Mortal arrogance makes unions with the forbidden scourge. The ruddy moon beckons over the lands of Marquet. Child reborn of my grace and will, I command you, strike out against those that seek to snuff our light. These gifts I grant you are your sword and shield against the growing darkness. Forsake these gifts, ignore our charge, and be abandoned."

AABRIA: Whoa. You are fucking intense. Okay. Yeah, I was already going to do that. I'm not going to argue with you. How can I help?

MATT: "Faith needs not logic, nor truth, but unerring conviction. (echoing) Conviction, conviction, conviction." You hear the burning sound rising behind him in his presence. The sound of immense flames, an ocean of fire crackling. "The Red End stirs in its slumber. Do not let it wake." The flames burn bright and surround you in warmth and hot and before it turns to pain, you awaken.

AABRIA: (gasps)

CHRISTIAN: You okay?

AABRIA: Buh--

SAM: Hot flash?

AABRIA: Rude, but not inaccurate. A Dawnfather vision, Red End. Holy shit.

LAURA: The Red End?

CHRISTIAN: The Red End?

AABRIA: The Red End.

LAURA: That's Ruidus.

SAM: That's what she said to me, too.

LAURA: Yeah, that's Ruidus.

AABRIA: They're calling in all their little favors in the world. We have to solve this.

LAURA: We have to end this.

AABRIA: They're desperate.

LAURA: All right.

TRAVIS: You both saw your deities?

AABRIA: Yeah.

SAM: Yeah, and they-- Well, I don't know what yours said, but the Changebringer is all about choosing your own path and making your own way.

TRAVIS: ♪ Making your way ♪

SAM: But she did not imply that choosing my own path was an option. It was, "Do this for me or else."

AABRIA: Yeah, big on that, too.

LAURA: What do you mean? Or else what?

SAM: I don't know.

LAURA: "Do this for me."

SAM: Fight the Predathos, fight the Red End.

CHRISTIAN: What about your friends?

LAURA: What about everyone who doesn't serve a god?

AABRIA: I don't know. The Dawnfather--

SAM: Well, I do.

AABRIA: -- did kind of threaten to take back my gifts, of which I think life is one, so I'm pretty in. I was already going to do it. He didn't have to threaten.

SAM: Yeah, I'm happy to serve her. She's done nothing but help. But I don't know, you don't make demands of someone unless you're insecure about something in your own life. That's at least my experience with, you know?

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah.

LAURA: They're probably insecure they're about to get eaten.

SAM: Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. That comes from a place of fear, I think.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Never talked to you with that desperation before?

SAM: I've only talked to her once before this, so I don't really have a good baseline. This was our first session, really.

TRAVIS: 50-50, a coin flip of interactions?

ASHLEY: Whoa.

SAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: One gentle, and one fucking intense.

SAM: But both with amazing hair.

ASHLEY: So it's not fully awake yet.

LAURA: That's good to know.

ASHLEY: So that's good.

AABRIA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: "Don't let it wake up."

TRAVIS: Maybe we slowed it down.

LAURA: I assume you tell us.

AABRIA: Yes, I told you everything, so you all heard it, too.

LAURA: Great.

ASHLEY: So a big yes.

MATT: There is a warmth to the coin in your hand as well.

SAM: Oh. Does it look different?

MATT: It looks shinier.

SAM: It looks shinier?

LAURA: Ooh, what does that mean?

AABRIA: Ooh, that's nice.

LAURA: Maybe she's in there now. I've heard of gods becoming things that can join you on your journeys. I don't know.

SAM: Shinier coin? Should I Identify it? I still have to Identify that stupid rod from yesterday.

LAURA: Yeah. Identify.

SAM: What, this? Or the rod?

LAURA: The coin!

AABRIA: Maybe she's just leaning in and saying, like--

LAURA: Maybe it gives you a boon. I've heard of gods giving boons.

SAM: Oh okay. The rod can wait another day.

LAURA: Bringing things back and all.

AABRIA: Yeah!

SAM: I'll Identify the coin.

AABRIA: I'm a boon!

MATT: Okay. (laughs)

TRAVIS: You're not going to Identify the rod that's hundreds of years old?!

SAM: Wait, what's this?

AABRIA: Wait, what? The coin does do a thing!

SAM: The Coin of the Changebringer. Humble-looking coin of copper bears the visage of the Changebringer. That's it.

ASHLEY: No!

LAURA: You--

AABRIA: Lying.

LAURA: You don't have to read it all for me.

SAM: Whoa, it's got a lot of stuff on it. It does stuff. It's a stuff-doing coin.

AABRIA: "It's a stuff-doing coin!"

LAURA: I bet all the other things do stuff, too.

SAM: Does anyone want this?

LAURA: Shut up.

(laughter)

AABRIA: I'll take it and--

SAM: We always--

AABRIA: -- I eat it like FRIDA would.

SAM: -- like to try to-- We share these things, so-- Wow!

TRAVIS: Well, this is great. We know where we're going. We've been given divine direction.

SAM: Yes!

LAURA and AABRIA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: We know where we're going.

LAURA: Yeah, we're going to Jrusar.

SAM: She said, "We're going to Jrusar." She said that they're, at least, alive, currently. And she said that you and I would be together for a long time.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, you asked?

SAM: Yeah.

AABRIA: Aww.

TRAVIS: That's cute.

AABRIA: That's cute.

CHRISTIAN: This bite is really starting to-- (howls)

(laughter)

SAM: Shit.

TRAVIS: (claws emerging)

AABRIA: You just have to have sex. Yeah, I get it, I get it, I get it.

ASHLEY: I mean, the world is ending, so might as well have fun.

CHRISTIAN: Well, one day at a time.

LAURA: Does anybody need-- Because honestly, this is awesome, but--

SAM: It's an incredible staff of power?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: I mean, Fearne holds a stick, in general.

LAURA: I know.

CHRISTIAN: Can I read it?

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

ASHLEY: I don't know, I feel like--

SAM: Just look at it.

LAURA: I mean, it's great.

ASHLEY: Let's think about it. Let's hold on it and we'll think about it.

LAURA: Especially if anybody has something they want to attune to it--

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: It's pretty good--

LAURA: But we can say that--

SAM: But she's already--

LAURA: -- you did it overnight.

SAM: -- got some of those things.

LAURA: I've got some of those things already, but--

SAM: And you being in charge of our teleport is pretty fun.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: It's pretty fun.

LAURA: I mean, I know your staff is awesome, but--

ASHLEY: Well, it's a fun...

AABRIA: While you guys are discussing the staff, I'm going to go over to Chetney and pull a ring off of my finger and give to him and say: This isn't like that.

TRAVIS: I couldn't. I couldn't possibly.

AABRIA: It's not like that. It'll fucking fit on your pinky.

TRAVIS: Oh.

AABRIA: But just in case the worst happens, I want you to have a second chance. I'm going to give him, I don't know if it's going to work, but you've got my Ring of Temporal Salvation.

TRAVIS: The fuck is that? Does it fit on my pinky ring? On my pinky finger?

MATT: It is a little loose, and then once you place it upon the finger, it seems to adjust to the size.

TRAVIS: Okay, I was afraid I was going to have to dislocate it and get some swelling in it.

AABRIA: Oh Jesus.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

AABRIA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: We're going to be fine.

AABRIA: Sure.

TRAVIS: I mean, we're killing it.

AABRIA: Well, my god just threatened to kill me again, I think, if I don't do this, so, fuck you.

TRAVIS: Whoa.

AABRIA: I'm going to do it. Calm down.

TRAVIS: Okay, I'm sitting right next to you, maybe wait till I'm a little bit further away. Thank you for this.

AABRIA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: We got each other's backs.

AABRIA: I don't know if it's-- Yeah. Hope it works. I think if I know anything about divine magic, it's that if belief is a currency that the gods use, I think mortals can use it, too, and I've poured all my belief and hope that if something bad happens, you'll be okay. Who's got the staff?

LAURA: Yeah, we should teleport.

SAM: Let's do this.

LAURA: It's up to you, Fearne, if you want to do it or if you want me to.

ASHLEY: You don't have a staff, I feel like this could be real cool for you.

AABRIA: I got you, bud.

SAM: What are you talking about? She's got all kinds of shit.

LAURA: It's up to you. It's great, but--

ASHLEY: I feel like you should take it.

SAM: Are you kidding me?

ASHLEY: Well, I mean--

SAM: That thing was made for you.

ASHLEY: She's just real powerful.

LAURA: All right.

ASHLEY: It can make her more powerful.

LAURA: (buzzes lips)

ASHLEY: Is it useful to you?

LAURA: Well, use it for now and then we'll see.

ASHLEY: Okay, yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Bet it looks real good with the outfit, though.

ASHLEY: I know.

LAURA: Yeah. I'm going to take off my gloves that we got and hold onto those and then attune to the staff--

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: So that we can, and I assume I would've done that, you know, so we don't have to sit around for an hour while I attune.

MATT: That is easy enough to do in the morning's plan.

AABRIA: What's this little stick?

TRAVIS: I'll attune to the ring as well.

AABRIA: I'm just going to attune to it.

MATT: All right, go for it.

LAURA: You just attuned to the stick.

SAM: What, the little Slim Jim dildo thing?

AABRIA: Yeah. Yeah.

SAM: You're going to just attune to it?

AABRIA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Slip on the Slim Jim.

AABRIA: I can't die yet.

MATT: You can take time to learn it.

TRAVIS: 100%.

MATT: It is a rod used in transferring to other realms.

AABRIA: Oh!

MATT: This one in particular is attuned the Fey Realm.

LAURA: (gasps)

SAM: Whoa!

MATT: So with a spell of significant power that can do this, it normally requires a focus to go to that location.

SAM: Oh, I see him!

AABRIA: Oh, I found it!

LAURA: Whoa!

AABRIA: Oh.

SAM: But you still need a spell, that helps you go--

LAURA: Of Plane Riding.

MATT: Correct.

AABRIA: Yeah.

SAM: You're a plane rider?

AABRIA: Yes!

TRAVIS: That makes two of us.

AABRIA: (laughs)

AABRIA: Becoming Planerider D.

SAM: That's not teleport, that's plane jump or--

MATT: Plane Shift.

AABRIA and SAM: Plane Shift.

MATT: But it requires a focus for each location it wishes to go to.

TRAVIS: For some people.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: I don't really need to keep this, but it's what it does.

ASHLEY: Okay, cool. Do you want it?

AABRIA: Is it weird that I'm offering it to you because you're fey? I'm sorry.

ASHLEY: Oh no, it's fine.

AABRIA: Is that rude? Oh my god.

ASHLEY: No, don't even worry about.

AABRIA: It's so embarrassing.

ASHLEY: Do you want it? It could get you started back into your plane shifting, planeriding.

TRAVIS: I mean, if I want to wake that part of me up again, I guess.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

AABRIA: He's got layers.

TRAVIS: Y'all ever done it in different planes?

TRAVIS, AABRIA, and MATT: (laugh)

TRAVIS: I'll retcon my comment. Done. Do you mind if I hold onto the bag? The satchel?

LAURA: Oh, the bag of holding.

SAM: Of all the stuff?

LAURA: That's right.

SAM: Oh, the bag of holding. We have a bag of holding.

TRAVIS: Oh, just the satchel.

ASHLEY: Yeah, we have a bag of holding now.

SAM: Yeah, take it. You carry all that wood.

AABRIA: Most important part.

TRAVIS: I'm used to these, yeah.

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: No, legit. I had to wear one, I mean, the Assembly was very, very particular about the things they ordered. Sometimes it was toys, sometimes it was things for their-- They had these fucking towers. I had to make a whole series of chairs that they were going to later enchant, and they were real deadly.

SAM: Wait, what?

AABRIA: Ooh!

ASHLEY: What?

SAM: You made enchanted--

SAM and ASHLEY: Furniture?

TRAVIS: Well, you know when I went into the throne in Uthodurn, and I carved my initials under the back left leg. I used to make these little wooden chairs and I carved my initials under there, enchant them and they'd kill everybody in the room and then all of a sudden move to the middle of the room. It was seriously--

SAM: Are you shitting us right now?

AABRIA: That's amazing.

TRAVIS: That's why I got off of furniture, though, because I didn't want to be affiliated with that, so I went back to toys.

AABRIA: That makes sense.

ASHLEY: Huh.

TRAVIS: I got kicked out of the Authority, The Rexxentrum Toy Authority.

AABRIA: (gasps) Is that what--

SAM: The RTA? (shouts) The RTA?!

AABRIA: Is that what that means?

TRAVIS: No, this is Recognize--

SAM: (shouts) The Rexxentrum Toy Authority?

TRAVIS: (shouts) Recognize The Alpha!

SAM: That's--

LAURA: That's just a-- Rexxentrum--

SAM: (shouts) That was just your job?!

TRAVIS: Look, it's-- They're very strict about their union policies, okay, I was trying to show loyalty!

SAM: How many other people have that tattoo? How many other people have that tattoo?

TRAVIS: A couple dozen.

(laughter)

SAM: (shouts) It's a union?

TRAVIS: It's very elite! It's elite!

SAM: It's a union?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: The dues are so-- You have to report quarterly. I couldn't stand it! They were suffocating us!

SAM: I chiseled something for you that had that in there because I thought it was your thing!

TRAVIS: It is my thing!

AABRIA: You can reappropriate a thing.

TRAVIS: Rebranding is real!

AABRIA: Yeah, that's real! Look, you used to be--

TRAVIS: Think of all the self-empowerment!

AABRIA: -- A Faithful Care-Giver, and now you're Fresh Cut Grass.

SAM: I'm Fresh Cut Grass. You're right.

AABRIA: A rebrand is valid. Get off his back.

TRAVIS: Listen, listen, listen.

SAM: Is that how it is now?

TRAVIS: Nobody has to know, okay? We're in the Savalirwood, nobody heard that.

SAM: All right.

ASHLEY: No, no, no.

TRAVIS: Just remember, there's an alpha within all of you, by power of the Rexxentrum Toy Authority.

AABRIA and SAM: (laugh)

AABRIA: So happy.

SAM: You little stinker.

TRAVIS: Most of them were fine, but you know, Ludinus was an ass. He didn't order shit.

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Came in, showed him stuff.

SAM: He's a window shopper?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

AABRIA: Gross.

TRAVIS: Doolan Tversky, he was my best customer.

SAM: Never heard of him.

AABRIA: I don't know who that is.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you're too young.

AABRIA and MATT: (laugh)

LAURA: Y'all ready to go Jrusar?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

AABRIA: Sure.

SAM: Yeah. You got the bag?

TRAVIS: Yep.

SAM: You're our wearer.

LAURA: All right.

AABRIA: Yay!

CHRISTIAN: I can't.

LAURA: Everyone gather up.

AABRIA: That was funnier than you gave it credit for.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to--

SAM: Do you have to pick a place or just a city? Like a place in the city? Like a place?

AABRIA: Guidance?

LAURA: That's probably smart.

SAM: How does Teleport work?

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Let's just wing it on the first try and let's cross oceans while we do it. Especially leaving a haunted fucking forest. This is as good as it's going to get.

AABRIA: It's totally fine.

TRAVIS: Hole in one.

CHRISTIAN: If I never see the Wolf-King again, it'll be too soon.

ASHLEY: Aw, I just rolled a natural 20.

AABRIA: No, you keep it! Matt says you can keep it.

ASHLEY: I'll keep it. Thank you.

LAURA: "-- single object or a destination you select. The destination you choose must be known to you, and it must be on the same plane of existence. Your familiarity with the destination determines whether you arrive there successfully."

SAM: Eshteross' house? Or one of the inns?

LAURA: "A very familiar place."

SAM: Spire by Fire?

LAURA: Yeah, let's go to the Spire by Fire. That's a very familiar place.

TRAVIS: Oh god, are we are just going to appear in the bar?

LAURA: Or, you know what's even more familiar to me, is our house, me and Laudna's house.

SAM: The old lady?

ASHLEY: Oh yes.

LAURA: Yeah.

AABRIA: You guys had a house?

SAM: What was her name? You don't remember the name?

ASHLEY: Zhudanna, Zhudanna, Zhudanna.

LAURA: Zhudanna!

ASHLEY: Zhudanna.

CHRISTIAN: Zhudanna remember. (laughter) (clapping) (laughter)

(laughter)

AABRIA: Bless.

TRAVIS: One shot, one kill.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Just peeping it.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Oh man.

(explosive air puff)

MATT: That's what the R in FRIDA's for.

(laughter)

LAURA: Yeah. Zhudanna's place.

SAM: I mean--

LAURA: Spire by Fire! Fine, whatever. Jeez, FCG!

SAM: It's fine. We can go to the old lady's house, if you want.

LAURA: Fucking choose. Maybe you should take the fucking staff.

ASHLEY: But if we bamf in, won't they be like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

SAM: Or have a heat attack.

ASHLEY: I feel like Zhudanna's is little less--

LAURA: Is a safer, more--

ASHLEY: -- seen.

LAURA: I can bamf us into-- I don't know, she might be renting it to somebody else.

SAM: What if we get there and she's dead?

LAURA: -- she died or something?

SAM: Just go, yeah, go to Zhudanna's. It doesn't matter.

LAURA: We'll go to Zhudanna's, all right. Hold on. Ow. Of course I roll all the fours now.

SAM: Why are you rolling all these things?

AABRIA: Because she has to roll it.

LAURA: 11.

SAM: For Teleport?

AABRIA: Mm-hmm.

SAM: You have to roll a bunch of d4s?

MATT: For this particular item.

LAURA: 14 points of damage.

SAM: Damage?

CHRISTIAN: To yourself?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: To all of us?

LAURA: No, to me.

MATT: Whenever you spend a charge within the item, it does a d4 point of psychic damage to the user.

AABRIA: Oh shit!

LAURA: Oh, it does psychic damage?

MATT: Let me check it real fast. What does it have here?

AABRIA: I mean, the staff is for you, because you--

MATT: Nope, it's just damage.

LAURA: Oh, too bad!

AABRIA: Damn it. That was so exciting.

LAURA: All right.

ASHLEY: That was exciting.

CHRISTIAN: That makes sense, right? It's a lot of power.

MATT: Yeah.

AABRIA: Are you okay?

MATT: It's not meant to be resisted.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. So you feel the charge of the staff come through here. As the energy expends, you can feel it definitely takes its toll on you. Not terribly, but enough to leave a mark. As you do, you focus on your troop of friends around you. You concentrate on Zhudanna's house?

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

ASHLEY: Why does he say it like that?

LAURA: I don't know.

MATT: The rest of you look at each other and you're waiting for something to happen.

CHRISTIAN: I hold your hand.

SAM: Oh no, I hold yours harder.

TRAVIS: We start grabbing heads.

LAURA: Yeah, gather up. Everybody put your hands on the staff, I don't know.

MATT: The staff begins to glow brighter and brighter, and you all feel these little threads of sparkling purple-blue energy begin to form out of the staff to reach to each of you. As it does (zapping) It connects. (whooshes) (thuds) You are all pulled into a different space. And we'll pick up there next time.

(yelling)

TRAVIS: Oh my god!

LAURA: Oh my goodness. I hope we made it!

AABRIA: Right?

MATT: We'll do all the rolling for all that at the top of the next session.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: So we don't even know if we made it, right?

MATT: No.

AABRIA: Are we dead?

LAURA: We might be.

MATT: Could be.

CHRISTIAN: Or are we in New Jersey?

MATT: Could be.

ASHLEY: What's New Jersey?

TRAVIS: Hoboken?

AABRIA: Hoboken.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Everything's legal in New Jersey.

SAM: The Royal Toy Authority?

LAURA: Yeah, let's see.

TRAVIS: Rexxentrum.

SAM: The Rexxentrum Toy Authority.

AABRIA: That's so--

LAURA: A very--

CHRISTIAN: What a deep cut.

LAURA: There's only--

CHRISTIAN: How many episodes?

LAURA: -- a four in 100 chance of us going some real terrible-- having a very bad mishap.

AABRIA: Okay.

LAURA: 4% chance.

AABRIA: Seems right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LAURA: Do you have to roll for that?

MATT: No, Matt does.

MATT: Mm-hmm. In fact, I'm going to do that right now. Well, no, I'll have you roll for it. That's more fun.

LAURA: Me?

MATT: Yeah. Go ahead and roll a d100 for me.

SAM: Do we know what number is bad?

LAURA: Yeah, one to five is super bad.

MATT: Here, you roll and I'll watch over your shoulder and we won't tell anybody else.

SAM: Wait, and I'll get it for TikTok.

LAURA: No, but, nobody should know.

AABRIA: Then you'll know!

SAM: I'll just videotape it, I won't--

TRAVIS: We're still live!

AABRIA: It's the most psychotic--

LAURA: Okay, ready?

AABRIA: Hey, folks. What's happening?

LAURA: Okay.

(gasps)

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: What? No! Come on, man.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Come on.

MATT: No, we're fine. We're good.

AABRIA: Stop!

MATT: All right, let's leave it there.

ASHLEY: Is she doing a thing?

AABRIA: I can't tell if she's doing a bit.

ASHLEY: Is she doing a thing?

MATT: We'll leave it there.

AABRIA: Is she doing a bit?

ASHLEY: She's doing a bit.

MATT: All right, everyone, thank you so much for joining us.

AABRIA: No!

(yelling)

MATT: It's been an absolute pleasure. (laughs) Have a wonderful night, and is it Thursday yet? Good night.