The Deathwish Run

is the 28th episode of the third campaign of Critical Role.

Part I
Bells Hells prepare for the Death Wish Run moments before it begins. Ashton and Imogen are in the commissioned crawler, which they have named the Red Moon; Ashton is driving, and this group has the bomb they purchased from Esmer. Chetney, Laudna, and Fresh Cut Grass are in the second, loaner crawler, which they've named the Buck Fucket [sic]. Chetney is the driver. They decide that, to maintain the same speed with three passengers rather than two, F.C.G. will be attached to the front of the car as the front wheel, using a tanglefoot bag as the adhesive. Orym adds some angry red eyebrows to F.C.G. to make them look more intimidating, and then goes with Dusk further down the track, with the intention of trying to hijack another team's crawler. There are four other competitors, in addition to Bells Hells, for a total of six crawlers in the race.

Fearne Wildshapes into a flying squirrel and tries to hide on another team's crawler at the start of the race, but is discovered by one of the occupants, a burly half-elf woman, who throws her into the air and shoots her. Fearne, back in her normal form, tries to sneak through the crowd back to the crawler, but is spotted again, and successfully convinces the half-elf woman she's only here as a spectator.

As they wait to start, Imogen looks around for signs of sabotage. She doesn't notice any, but does spot Otohan Thull and Ratanish watching from a mammoth crawler nearby, and immediately recognizes Otohan as the woman from her dream. She casts Mage Armor on herself just before the race begins, and Laudna holds Bane. The red and white flag drops, and the race is on. Laudna casts her spell as they enter initiative.

Round 1
Chetney is the first to act, and cuts off the crawler next to them, accelerating at the end of his turn. A rival crawler tries to ram one of the competitors, but fails due to Bane, and one of the passengers of that crawler fails to shoot the driver. The passenger on the crawler that successfully dodged the ramming attempt shoots the rifler with a crossbow.

Laudna uses her Form of Dread to give herself additional HP and intimidate their rivals. She successfully hits another driver with one of her Eldritch Blast beams, and in doing so, frightens them, forcing them to move away. Imogen then casts Command on two drivers as a Twinned Spell, telling them to brake. The driver of the Paragon's Call's crawler fails his save and does so. She also tries to telekinetically shove the passenger from the car that did not brake off the crawler, and does so, but they are able to hang onto the outside of the car and climb back in on their turn. The half-elf woman hits Imogen with her axe, dealing slashing damage to her.

F.C.G. casts Spirit Guardians, giving them the form of rotating turtle shells. Ashton then enters a rage, and gets gravity, which turns them into a gravity well, affecting the crawlers around them.

Round 2
Chetney rams a nearby crawler, on which there is a man with long dark hair, wearing black face paint. The ramming does no damage, but it does put the driver in the radius of F.C.G.'s spell, and he takes necrotic damage and is slowed (though the crawler is not). The rifler hits Laudna for 8 damage. Ashton uses his gravity well to slow some of the other drivers, and the crossbow archer shoots at Chetney, but misses all shots due to the cover the driver's cage provides.

Laudna hits the same driver with Eldritch Blast again, although this time they manage to avoid the fear effect. She quickens a spell to also cast Infestation on that same driver; bees fly from her mouth towards him, dealing poison damage and forcing him to move, although he ends up traveling in the direction of the race. Imogen tries to telekinetically shove the goblin again but he is prepared and is able to hang on. She then casts Mind Whip against the nearest two drivers, both of whom save, taking a small amount of psychic damage. The goblin throws a bomb at he Red Moon, which Imogen dodges, shielding their own bomb, but Ashton fails his save and takes the full damage. Meanwhile, Fearne, before the crawlers all get out of range, casts Heat Metal on the crawler the half-elf woman is on, causing her to take damage.

The half-elf woman swings again at Imogen but misses, and Ashton's gravity affect slows her vehicle, though it still takes the lead. F.C.G. heals Imogen for 11 HP and binds themself to both Chetney and Laudna. Ashton drops their rage as they pull into the lead.

Round 3
All the cars hit a hairpin turn, which Chetney and Ashton successfully navigate, while all their rivals fall behind, one of them hitting an elderly lady in the road in the process. Chetney maneuvers the Buck Fucket to catch as many rivals as possible in F.C.G.'s spell radius and then casts Invisibility on himself. Spirit Guardians continues to seriously damage their rivals, and one of the other racers throws a wire net over the Buck Fucket in retribution. Laudna tries to tear it off, but is unsuccessful. She does however cast Shocking Grasp on the crawler behind them.

Imogen tries once more to shove the passenger off, but they still hang on, and she waits until Ashton is out of the way to cast Lightning Bolt on the rival crawler. Ashton rams the car ahead of them, and while this does no damage, Imogen's spell destroys the crawler, causing another rival to swerve in the ensuing explosion.

The half-elf misses Imogen again, and F.C.G. begins to saw through the net but does not completely remove it. He also uses Bonded Blessing to grant Chetney a d6. Fearne lets her Heat Metal spell do a final bit of damage, then decides to wait at the finish line.

Round 4
All remaining crawlers reach a set of spiked barriers that force them to a choke point as they enter the ravine and the narrow switchback path. Ashton and Chetney both succeed in avoiding the spikes, but the other three cars fall behind again. Orym and Dusk lie in wait to jump onto a crawler. The Buck Fucket takes considerable damage from the net, so Chetney, in response, shifts into his werewolf form, still invisible, and tears the net off. All of the crawlers slow down during this difficult portion of the race. One rival throws a bomb at the Paragon's Call's vehicle and deals some damage. Laudna then throws dynamite at the third rival, dealing damage to them and their car. Imogen casts Blindness on the driver of the car Laudna damaged, who fails their save.

The Paragon's Call's car crashes into the Buck Fucket, and they take damage from Spirit Guardians. The half-elf woman hits Laudna for significant damage even after Laudna's Silvery Barbs, which she uses to give Chetney advantage. The goblin Imogen failed to shove off the car panics and throws all of his explosives ahead, creating a large crater in the road. FCG casts both Spiritual Weapon (in the form of a banana peel) and Sacred Flame towards the Paragon's Call's crawler and riders, but both miss. Orym jumps onto the crawler that is not the Paragon's Call's, and not being driven by the blinded driver (as that one looks like it's about to fall over the edge of the ravine). He successfully attacks the driver and shoves them off, leaving him alone with a gnome passenger. Ashton rages again, getting the gravity well effect once more. They ram into the Paragon's Call's crawler, but do no damage.

Dusk jumps to join Orym and misses, but Orym grabs them. She Eldritch Blasts the gnome, and her repelling blast causes them to be shoved off the back of the crawler. Fearne, at the Bone Tree, summons Little Mister.

Round 5
The blinded driver misses the next hairpin turn and their crawler goes off the cliff, leaving only four left in the race: the Red Moon, the Buck Fucket, the car that Orym and Dusk have commandeered, and the Paragon's Call. Everyone left in the Death Wish Run enters a dark cave.

Round 5 (continued)
Within the dark caverns, bats swarm everyone. Chetney, F.C.G., and Ashton all manage to keep their pace but Orym and the Paragon's Call's driver are both slowed down by the swarm. Laudna casts Blur on herself and reassumes her Form of Dread, and Imogen holds Dissonant Whispers until she can see. Chetney cuts in front of the Paragon's Call, then slams on his brakes, causing damage to the Paragon's Call's crawler. He then accelerates to maintain his lead. The Paragon's Call also takes damage from Spirit Guardians.

The half-elf woman tries to hit Laudna once more, but Blur causes her to miss. F.C.G. casts Light from their eyes, revealing bones scattered throughout the cavern and triggering Imogen's spell, which causes the driver to have to move away from her. Orym then uses his Chromatic Rose against the Paragon's Call's vehicle, and the damage it deals kills the driver. Ashton then slams against the crawler and destroys it, leaving only the three Bells Hells crawlers in the race. They then hear the growls of a creature.

Round 6
Orym's crawler, the Buck Fucket, and F.C.G. all take damage from the terrain and a sharp corner. Around the corner is a kagaronk, who appears very hungry. Laudna takes over driving the Buck Fucket as Chetney activates his Crimson Rite and makes his attacks against the kagaronk, which hit as they drive past. The kagaronk attacks him back, though it takes damage from Spirit Guardians in the process. Imogen hits the kagaronk with Witch Bolt. The kagaronk then uses its legendary action, Tail Whirlwind Strike, against the entire party other than Imogen and Dusk. It misses Chetney, but hits all the others. F.C.G. casts Shield of Faith on Laudna, sensing that she is now the driver.

Orym throws two daggers as a goading attack, which the kagaronk fails, granting it disadvantage on attacks against anyone other than Orym. Ashton manages to swerve around the creature, and Dusk holds an Eldritch Blast for the stalactites for when they exit the cavern.

Round 7
The course begins to climb back up out of the ravine along another switchback path. Dusk's held Eldritch Blast goes off, and the stalactite it breaks off hits and stuns the kagaronk, who is left behind by the faster crawlers. As the party travels up the path, two people atop the ravine let loose a boulder. Orym and Ashton managed to avoid it, but Laudna does not dodge quickly enough. She and the Buck Fucket are knocked out of the way by a quick response from Ashton and his gravity well, which deals a small amount of damage to both vehicles. A dust storm, possible of magical origin, begins to whip up. Fearne, at the finish line, notices two people bringing out wooden platforms.

Round 8
The dust storm obscures visibility outside of a 30 foot radius. As the crawlers continue their climb, Bells Hells sees the kagaronk, which has cut them off at the pass. Laudna tries to dodge it, but it attacks her, knocking her out. Imogen can see the attack, but does not realize Laudna was knocked unconscious because of the limited visibility. She attacks the kagaronk with Lightning Bolt. It in turn claws at Chetney. Orym uses another goading attack against the kagaronk, which hits him back. Ashton then rages, getting gravity again, and slays the kagaronk with his hammer.

As all of this goes on, F.C.G. uses their grappling hook on the steering wheel and prevents the crawler from swerving off into the ravine while Laudna is unconscious. Fearne and Little Mister eat some candied apples as they wait at the finish line.

Round 9
Dusk jumps onto the Buck Fucket and uses Lay on Hands to grant Laudna 1 HP. Laudna, now conscious (and at 5 HP thanks to some temporary HP from F.C.G.'s Ardent Armor) takes the wheel again.

The Finish Line
Fearne notices that the platforms are covered in blades, as a final obstacle for the racers. She uses Stonky's Ring to move the barricade 5 feet, giving the crawlers a 15 foot gap between the blades rather than a 10 foot gap. She then throws down the portable hole in the hopes of tipping a barricade into it, increasing the gap. However, she falls into the hole.

Bells Hells see the barricades at the last minute. Laudna and Orym both manage to maneuver through the gap and continue. Imogen casts Blade Ward just before she and Ashton crash into the wall. The Red Moon takes damage and they are thrown from the vehicle, but survive. The Buck Fucket and the crawler Orym and Dusk commandeered cross the finish line successfully. The dust storm begins to rapidly die down. Ashton falls into the hole with Fearne and the two climb out, Ashton failing to pickpocket Fearne as they do so. Imogen runs to the heavily injured Laudna, and Chetney drops his werewolf form. Orym and Dusk return the commandeered crawler to teammates of the racers. Otohan and Ratanish congratulate them and tell them to report for training in a few days. When Otohan comes over, Imogen hides behind Fearne to avoid being seen.

The party all celebrates. F.C.G. heals Laudna, but seems somewhat disoriented and damaged from the race.

Post-race
The party goes back to Imahara Joe's to return the loaner crawler and to get the Red Moon and F.C.G. repaired. Imahara Joe cuts F.C.G. free and begins working on him, asking him various questions about his experiences and memories. Ashton insists on staying with F.C.G. overnight at the shop, while the rest of the party head back to the Undercarriage.

As they go back to the caravanserai, Imogen mentally tells Laudna that Otohan was the woman in her dream. Laudna asks if Imogen knows anything more, and Imogen says she doesn't, but that she doesn't believe that the army behind Otohan in her dream was the Paragon's Call, and that she's worried about Otohan recognizing her in the waking world.

Orym tells Fearne about the race, and thanks Dusk for saving Laudna. Imogen thanks Dusk as well. Laudna pulls Dusk aside to apologize for her awkward rejection last night, and tells them that she is unused to romantic attention and not ready for it right now. Dusk asks if she's okay, and Laudna tells her that she is, and asks Dusk if she's ready to see the Calloways tomorrow. Dusk isn't sure, and the two decide to deal with their mixed feelings over a drink. Imogen meanwhile tries to Detect Thoughts on Dusk, but isn't able to find them. Fearne notices Imogen, and brings her over to have drinks as well. Chetney joins in the group.

At the bar, Chetney pulls Dusk aside and asks them if they need help retrieving their bounty on the Calloways. Dusk denies that she is trying to kill the Calloways. Chetney's insight check beats their deception check, but the information is whispered.

Fearne and Dusk then talk about how nervous they are to see Fearne's parents. Dusk also tells Fearne about her interaction with Chetney, but Fearne brushes it off as likely being a joke. The two cuddle and say they are excited for tomorrow.

Orym and Imogen each sit alone at the bar, and Orym observes all the conversations and reads everyone's lips. The party then all goes off to bed. Imogen waits until Dusk falls asleep and tries Detect Thoughts again, but finds that Dusk's mind seems to be protected by a barrier.

The next morning, everyone reunites back at Imahara Joe's. Imahara Joe tells them that he'll give them an estimate on the Red Moon's repairs later that day. He goes back into his shop as a skirmish crawler with a faun driver pulls up. Ashton asks her who she is, and she tells them that she's Birdie Calloway. She enters the shop and begins to talk to Joe. Dusk and Fearne then enter. After a moment of recognition, Birdie enthusiastically hugs Fearne and picks her up. The two talk about how long it's been, and it comes out that it's been six years for Birdie and 90 for Fearne. Fearne also introduces Birdie to Dusk, whom Birdie does not recognize.

When Birdie says she doesn't know Dusk, Dusk's tattoo begins to shift and change, overtaking their body, and their true form of a changeling, with sharper features than their elven disguise is revealed. Their clothes also shift into black and gold robes. Dusk takes hold of both Birdie and Fearne, and Birdie says "You led them right to us."

Bells Hells

 * Ashton Greymoore
 * Chetney Pock O'Pea
 * Fearne
 * Little Mister
 * Fresh Cut Grass
 * Imogen Temult
 * Laudna
 * Orym

Returning

 * Imahara Joe
 * Otohan Thull
 * Ratanish
 * Dusk

New

 * Birdie Calloway
 * Crawler racers
 * Erad Fuckfork
 * Jamil Toetaker

Mentioned

 * Duskmaven