Transcript:Harvest Close

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. We'll jump into the game here shortly, but we have some big announcements to get through. First and foremost, congratulations Sam on his Emmy win!

(cheering)

TRAVIS: You suck!

SAM: I did it, guys!

MATT: Thanks to one of our wonderful sponsors tonight, I was able to add an Emmy to his inventory from my phone just moments ago!

SAM: Yeah, I'm looking in my inventory right now. It says "Emmy Award of Exempla--" It won't tell me the rest of the title!

MATT: Exemplary Talent.

SAM: It's a wondrous item! "Rarity: Legendary. This enchanted statue was given to the finest of creatives in the land. It's a large thinly-coated lead icon made of cheap material." I'm going to take a picture of that later. That's so cool!

MATT: That object brought to you by our first sponsor tonight and sponsor for the campaign thus far, our friends at D&D Beyond. Sam?

SAM: Guys, as you know, this week I received many emails from fans who loved our D&D Beyond ad last week. And they told me that I had missed part of the story. To recap, our sponsor is D&D Beyond. They are contributing $100 to 826LA for every natural one we roll. Also, as part of their massive 826LA charity initiative, we're past the $10,000 tier, so D&D Beyond has offered up the discount code "826LA" for 25% off their awesome Legendary Bundle, which includes all the digital materials available on D&D Beyond. Last week, to honor that, I had dug through the archives and found a commercial that D&D Beyond had run in the '80s. We did a staged reading of it.

LAURA: It was great.

SAM: Fans wrote in and said, "Sam, you missed part of that story." The ad campaign in the '80s was not successful. However, it launched the career of the young actress who played Gail in the commercial. She was given her own spin-off sitcom on CBS. It only ran four episodes, and those episodes have been lost to time. But I was able to find the script of a promo for the sitcom starring Gail, from the D&D Beyond commercial, from the 80s!

ASHLEY: Really?!

SAM: Found it in the archives. We're going to do a staged reading of this promo for this sitcom. Brought to you by D&D Beyond. I'll be playing Announcer; reprising their roles will be Laura as the mom, Taliesin as the dad, and Ashley The Johnson as Gail.

LAURA: Gail!

SAM: Here we go. Picture it. You're watching TV. It's 8:30PM, primetime, and this promo comes on. (announcer voice) "This fall on CBS, it's the hilarious sitcom everyone's "stoked" about: You've Got Gail!"

TALIESIN: There are holes in all of my business pants!

LAURA: *Gail!*

ASHLEY: Take a chill pill, Mrs. Henderson! I need those crotches for my Home Ec project!

LAURA: This says, "Sew a quilt of fabric *swatches*, not fabric *crotches*!"

ASHLEY: Oops!

SAM: That lovable scamp Gail gets her foster parents, the Hendersons, into totally "gnarly" situations.

TALIESIN: Did you do your chores, Gail?

ASHLEY: Ch-yeah! Now I'm going to put on my British Knight Sneakers and see that brand-new movie, Labyrinth.

LAURA: Not so fast, young lady. I found my tuna casserole in the garbage.

ASHLEY: No doy, Mrs. Henderson! You said, "Take out the trash," and it was the stinkiest thing in the house.

SAM: But it's not all fun and games. You've Got Gail also tackles serious issues.

LAURA: Gail, your friend from school was just in a car accident. She was drunk driving.

ASHLEY: (quietly) Gag me with a spoon, Mrs. Henderson.

TALIESIN: Yes, Gail. Gag us *all* with a spoon.

SAM: You won't believe the trouble Gail gets into every Thursday night!

LAURA: Gail, why didn't you do your report on First Ladies?

ASHLEY: Because current First Lady Nancy Reagan gave me some bitching advice!

TALIESIN: What kind of advice did Nancy Reagan give you?

ASHLEY: When teacher says, "Do your homework," just say no!

TALIESIN and LAURA: *Gail!*

ASHLEY: Gag me with a spoon, Mr. and Mrs. Henderson!

SAM: All-new You've Got Gail, every week right after Growing Pains and before She's the Sheriff. Presented by D&D Beyond!

TRAVIS: Oh my god. It just gets better!

SAM: The character of Gail is amazing.

MATT: If Yasha ever leaves us this campaign, you already have a backup character.

TRAVIS: Can I ask how you spell "doy?"

SAM: D-O-Y.

LIAM: I just got a text alert. They just revoked his Emmy.

TRAVIS: Due to unforeseen circumstances--

MATT: Thank you, Sam. Thank you, D&D Beyond, for making this happen. We have another sponsor returning this week: our friends at Obsidian for Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire! Super excited. First off, for those who aren't familiar with it, Pillars of Eternity was a great RPG. Isometric, classic-style RPG for PC and console later this year. You get to return to the world of Eora. This one is on the hunt for one of the gods, Eothas, which plays into the story from the first game. You don't have to have played the first one to play the sequel, because they have built in a way that gets you up to speed very quickly and basically choose your decisions that you start the game to still influence the story and where you're going. A lot of the main characters in the story are voiced by us here at the table! Which is awesome. For a free DLC download, you'll be able to download the portraits of Vox Machina as well as voice sets to use in the game for your main character and entire party. Check it out if you haven't had a chance yet. It's an awesome RPG series. Unbiased as I couldn't possibly be because I was one of the first Kickstarter backers before I was even part of the game. It's great. I really enjoyed it. Check it out if you can. It comes out next week on Tuesday, May 8th. You can order it at versusevil.com/criticalrole. They've released almost all the portraits so far. Just in the past couple of days, they've released Keyleth and Grog today.

LAURA: Keyleth's was adorable!

MATT: He's a real angry!

TRAVIS: Just a Vidal Sassoon face right now.

LIAM: You can see the bits of food flying out of his mouth.

MATT: I believe tomorrow they unveil Gilmore.

LAURA: That had been released already?

MATT: Yeah. Spoiler alert. Yeah, excited for that. Thank you to our friends at Obsidian for allowing us to be part of this awesome game.

LIAM: Oh man, I am going to play that game. That is saying something, because I have no time for my own physical or mental health! It's going to happen.

LAURA: I am definitely going to be playing that game, like right after the baby's born

SAM: You'll have time. Get a wireless headphone so you don't wake him or her.

TRAVIS: Me. Don't wake me.

SAM: Yeah. Just play. It'll be great.

MATT: All righty. Next up, we announced today that we are headed to Gen Con! We're stoked about that. You can go to critrole.com for any of the information regarding our schedule that week. We're going to be doing a live show on Friday, and then we'll have panels and signings throughout the weekend. Check out critrole.com for information on our appearance there at Gen Con, and we're excited to see you guys there. Tickets for the live show will go on sale next Tuesday, May 8th, at 10:00AM Eastern, 7:00AM Pacific. Keep tabs on our Critical Role Twitter and website for information on that. When that all goes up, we'll let you guys know. Super excited to see you! We are also super close to our $50,000 stretch goal for our 826 charity that we're pushing. If you can, donate now to 826la.org/criticalrole. Every dollar you donate will be doubled, thanks to our fantastic Critter, Mark, who has been so amazing in supporting this endeavor. When we hit $50,000, I believe you will be running another one-shot.

MARISHA: Another honey heist! More bears are back in town.

LIAM: Make it happen.

SAM: (singing) The bears are back in town!

MATT: Let's see. Friendly weekly reminder for Twitch Prime. If you have an Amazon Prime account, you can attach it to your Twitch account and you can subscribe to any Twitch channel you want to for free, once per month. If you want to support any of your fantastic Twitch streamers out there, this is a way to do so at no extra dime. Recommend it. We have new Twitch emotes available for our subscribers, including the ones from the new campaign. We also have a *Nein* emote for the $10 subscription tier, so there's that. Critical Recap, if you haven't seen the recap before this happens, you can go on YouTube and get a recap of last week's episode by our fantastic Dani Carr. She does that every week to recap what previously happened in case you're too busy running around to get caught up on what happened if you missed it, but you still want to be here live. Talks Machina is next Tuesday at 7 PM Pacific, where our fantastic Brian W. Foster will bring a few of us into his fold for the night to discuss what happened for tonight's episode you're about to watch. Oh man, we're getting out of here. Podcast from last week is available, where all fine podcasts are available to download, so keep up with that. That's it! We're good! Done! Anything else?

MARISHA: Nice. That was a lot.

MATT: I want to get into the game. I'm impatient. Thank you for your patience. With that guys, let's go ahead and dive into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

[click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme]

Part I
MATT: Wow, you are so late on that!

TALIESIN: Nah, it was timed about how I wanted it.

MATT: Welcome back, everyone. As we watch Laura complain about her macaroni salad.

LAURA: Is it like tuna in here? What's in here?

LIAM: This is the content you tuned in for.

LAURA: Is there tuna in here? I think there is.

TALIESIN: No one really knows.

MATT: Macaroni salad is the Wild West of culinary delights.

ASHLEY: It's the tuna casserole you were talking about.

LAURA: I'm not supposed to have tuna!

(laughter)

MATT: Daredevil Laura Bailey, ladies and gentlemen. Bringing it back in. The Mighty Nein in the city of Zadash. Long in the Dwendalian Empire, you've made a small name for yourself in a few factions. You've done a deed or two for the King's Hall here in service of the Crown. You've done a deed or two with the Knights of Requital, that involved getting caught up briefly in a manhunt, as you were loosely responsible for the death of the High-Richter, the high judge of the local court. Managed to make an introductory trade, a deal if you will, with The Gentleman, this subterranean figure of not the most legal of maneuvers. You delved deep into one of the subterranean river tunnels beneath the city of Zadash for him, managed to clear out and recover materials from a long-buried research facility from the Age of Arcanum.

Upon returning, the deal was solid. You managed to smuggle out Horris, who needed to be away from the town for the time being while this investigation was happening. In doing so, also managed to clear your names of the death of the High-Richter. Upon returning back, getting a few deeds done, now waiting for this to blow over, and hearing word that there is no longer a manhunt for a number of you in cahoots to this, you begin to prepare for the coming Harvest Close Festival. Now we're getting close to the third of the month of Fessuran, you've all managed to prepare in the ways you want, got a few things on your side. You've delved into some of the mysteries of the beacon that you maintain. You've retrieved your Forever Alcoholic Flask. That's where we'll begin today. Friends, as the early morning creeps up upon you, the chilled morning air has left a bit of ice and mist crawling across areas of the city floor, from outside your window here in the Leaky Tap tavern. However, though it is a gloomy morning, there is already a general air of celebration around. Glancing across, more people are now shifting out into the street and city around you. Music is beginning to creep into the vicinity, and you can hear muffling through the nearby walls.

TRAVIS: Well struck, my lord!

MATT: As you all awaken, hearing this outside, what do you wish to do?

LAURA: (gasps) It's a celebration!

SAM: Your spidey sense is tingling?

LAURA: Yes. Can you hear the difference?

TALIESIN: It sounds like there's very expensive things to drink and eat. I'm going to get my pocket book.

SAM: Lots of pockets to pick!

MARISHA: Lots of bar brawls to start. Yeah.

LIAM: Can I ask a retroactive question? Caleb, and maybe Beauregard, read all of Siff's journal?

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: Was anything more to be gleaned from reading the entire thing?

MATT: Just more understanding of the same notes you read before. From what remains of the tome, you managed to quickly grab the Cliff Notes of it as you glanced through it, and the more information you pulled from it filled out that your thoughts on those tidbits were correct.

LIAM: Okay, and then the only other question I have is I don't remember what time of day the party ended the day. If there was time I would've used paper and scrolls to transcribe into my book, if there was time.

MATT: Yeah, there's been a few days. You would've had time.

LIAM: Okay, good.

LAURA: Is it the morning?

MATT: It is the morning. You have awoken--

LAURA: I'm going to spend a minute focusing on the mote and get a point!

SAM: On the what? The mote?

MATT: She takes the beacon, focusing on this strange artifact that you procured from the grip of the Xhorhasian assassin. You feel yourself extend into it and now being your first time to focus on it, it's a lot to take in. You feel your essence shift into this space, this strange dimensional between. Though not fully understanding it, you're brought the same image of dozens of yourself and this sense of infinity. There before you, you see the strange gray mote, and you reach out in the way that you saw Caleb's hand reach. At that moment, you feel it shift and vanish into your chest, the warmth sifting into the center of your rib cage and then your eyes focus once more, and you're back in your chamber.

MARISHA: Well, that was kind of cool.

LAURA: Did you know that we have a special weapon now?

MARISHA: I do as of right now with you telling me.

LAURA: This thing, you can get this mote of possibility. Basically, you get to affect time. I'm not exactly sure how it works, but it's really cool.

MARISHA: Do you feel all right?

LAURA: I feel really powerful and stuff, inside.

MARISHA: Like how much more powerful?

LAURA: Like five percent.

MARISHA: Punch me. I want to tell.

LAURA: Okay. I'll punch her.

MATT: All right, roll an attack.

LAURA: Oh jeez, I dropped it. That doesn't count. I don't punch her very hard. I'm going to pull my punch, because I only rolled a five.

LIAM: That sounded like "pooing my pants."

MATT: I mean, if you're not dodging.

MARISHA: I'm like, come on.

MATT: Yeah, then you hit her.

LAURA: Oh, I hit her? Yes! Okay, so now I roll for damage?

MATT: Well it's one plus your strength modifier.

LAURA: Four damage!

MATT: You take four points of damage from a sheer punch to your shoulder!

MARISHA: Holy shit, Jester! What the fuck?

LAURA: *Rawr!*

MARISHA: Ow! Okay, that's awesome.

LAURA: Do you have dead arm?

MARISHA: Yes!

LAURA: Wait, if I punch you in your ass you'll get dead leg. Have you ever tried it? Yeah, I punch her in her butt and try to give her dead leg.

MATT: Okay, I think she is dodging this one so roll for this one.

LAURA: Oh man, come on! What do I add to it?

MATT: I'll say you're proficient in unarmed because you're just punching, sure. You add your strength modifier and your proficiency modifier.

LAURA: This is shit. Oh plus the proficiency. No, it's still not enough. It's like nine. *Nein*!

MATT: She does manage to step out of the way, now being more defensive from giving her a dead leg.

MARISHA: I move and do a little hip bump. Get out of the way.

LAURA: I wasn't trying to hit you anyway. I didn't want to hit you.

MARISHA: Just a little hip action, I've been working on it.

LAURA: Anyway, I have this thing, and I could've used it then to really hit you but I'm not going to. I'm going to save it for something really powerful. Are you in the room, Yasha?

ASHLEY: I feel like I slept outside? I was going to interact. I think I slept outside. I forgot.

TALIESIN: I think we're all up and moving at this point.

MATT: As you ask this question, Yasha is not in the room.

MARISHA: Hey, Jester. That was you who said something when you were talking to the Xhorhasian assassin about babies not being born, or something like that?

LAURA: Did I say something like that?

MARISHA: I think you were like, "Oh no, the babies!" Something about babies.

LAURA: He had said that this thing would help them with having babies, yeah. I would assume if we have it then he won't be able to have babies.

MARISHA: You know how that town crier was talking about kids being stolen? You think they're connected?

LAURA: Probably. That's really smart, Beau.

MARISHA: Thanks. I wanted to run it by you.

LAURA: Where was it happening? It was along the border, huh? In Nogvurot? Yeah, that's where it was happening.

MARISHA: You have a good memory.

LAURA: I know.

SAM: (whispering) Where is that?

LAURA: Nogvurot is along the border.

MARISHA: I know there's a garrison out there.

LAURA: (laughter) Northward.

MATT: You have a map.

SAM: Is it near Xhorhas?

LAURA: I brought it back in, didn't I?

MARISHA: Oh, it doesn't count as using your memory if you're reading it, Jester. Come on! That's not fair.

LAURA: I didn't read it! I'm pulling my map out now.

MATT: Nogvurot is actually northward, a little bit east of Rexxentrum.

SAM: Right there.

LAURA: Oh, that's not at all where I thought it was. I thought it was over by the Ashguard Garrison, but it's not. Yeah, weird. Maybe it's not connected, then. Unless there are a lot of them, the bad guys, in Nogvurot, which we could check out.

MARISHA: I heard a rumor last night that more are getting through. I don't know.

LAURA: I wonder how. I wonder if there's an underground passage that people aren't seeing or something. Or maybe they can go invisible. Or maybe they have an airship! Or maybe they can turn into mist, and fly through the air where people can't see them. I've heard of people doing that.

MARISHA: All possibilities, yeah.

TRAVIS: (knocking) Y'all up?

MARISHA: No!

LAURA: Fjord! Come in!

TRAVIS: We're going out.

MARISHA: I'm naked! I'm not naked.

LAURA: Fjord! There's a celebration going outside!

TRAVIS: I can hear them. I think we're going to head downstairs if y'all want to join.

LAURA: Yes! I run outside.

MATT: All right, so you guys start heading downstairs. Who all is gathering down there with them?

SAM: Everybody!

MATT: All right, everybody. Yasha, you napped in the side alleyway in the open air, sleeping with one eye open, being careful. As you wake up in the cold morning mist, the mist has caused this dampness around your chin and hair--

ASHLEY: Around my glorious beard?

MATT: Your glorious beard, right there. Frost beard.

ASHLEY: I don't have a beard.

MATT: No. It gets really cold in the early morning and bits of frost have gathered at the edges of your hair, so you brush off it a bit. As you gather yourself and look out past the street, the music's already starting to swell very strongly from a distance, and a few musicians come by playing on their own. Some folks are starting to rouse and begin cooking things. The smell of meats and fresh morning meals are beginning to find your nostrils, and you decide you probably should check in.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'll go check in.

MATT: You come in, the rest of you all gather in the bottom tavern area of the Leaky Tap. What would you like to do?

SAM: Does anyone know how this festival works? What are we celebrating again?

LAURA: The close of the harvest.

SAM: It's just for funsies and we go around and sample wares and things?

MARISHA: Nott, have you never been to a festival?

SAM: I've been to a festival.

TRAVIS: It's general revelry. You know: drink, eat, dance.

SAM: Not a big one. You know, small ones.

LAURA: About what?

SAM: You know, end of the season and beginning of the season. You know, that sort of stuff. People's weddings, that sort of thing.

MATT: There's a new female who's running the bar. She is now also coming to consciousness. She's coming around to preparing the bar. Passed out, face down. Looks to be in her early 50s or so, long black hair that goes just past the chest area--

LAURA: The chest area?

MATT: Respectfully choosing words, Laura. Past her heaping bosom? What do you want me to say?!

TALIESIN: I think you've had enough.

LIAM: Right around her titties? The titty area?

TRAVIS: Take that tuna away.

TALIESIN: It's making you weird.

MATT: Laura Bailey, forward-thinking feminist!

LAURA: I'm sorry.

MATT: It's all right.

LIAM: Once you have a child, I want you to turn on a dime like a Tartuffe character and be matronly and severe.

SAM: Don't curse!

MATT: That's not going to happen.

LAURA: Don't talk about titties!

MATT: Anyway, this female you haven't seen before who's in the process of running the bar, very much in the same way that you saw Wessek the dragonborn, or previous before that, Claudia.

LAURA: (whispering) I wonder if that's the new owner.

MARISHA: Yeah. Wait, what's she look like? Did you say something?

MATT: Human, 50s, long black hair.

LAURA: Past the tatas.

MARISHA: I bet that's her. Oh, that's right. I got so distracted by you.

ASHLEY: I'll walk in and give them a nod, and then go get an ale. First thing's first.

MATT: "What can I get you?"

ASHLEY: Just a big a drink, an ale.

MATT: "Easy enough to do. I'll be right back," and she goes and fetches you a drink. All right, so. For this part of the festival-- are you going for an ale or a stiff drink?

ASHLEY: An ale. It's morning.

TRAVIS: Slow burn.

LIAM: I wonder if the new proprietor knows there is a dead person in the basement.

SAM: It's not a dead person. It's a skeleton. It seems old. I mean I suppose it's a dead person.

LIAM: That is exactly what it is.

SAM: I guess so.

LAURA: Was it a dead human or a dead tiefling or a dead--

SAM: It seemed human-ish.

LIAM: Well there were no horns, and when you're a skeleton your ears are rotted away so I do not know.

LAURA: It could've been an elf.

LIAM: It could've been.

TRAVIS: Are there any people, I don't know, juggling and shit? Or any shows going on?

MATT: Not in the tavern currently. It seems most everyone outside is walking in one direction, though. A lot of the folks that are starting to gather are all heading past the entranceway and heading in a leftward path from looking out from the tavern.

SAM: Should we join them?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I want to see.

TALIESIN: I definitely want to see this.

MARISHA: You can carry booze in the streets here, right? It's like Vegas? Open carry?

SAM: Wait! No, not open carry. Open container.

MATT: There you go. You have seen people walk with various drinks in their hand without an issue before.

SAM: Let's go!

TALIESIN: I'm very much about this. We'll get that to-go.

MARISHA: How was the new lady? Was she nice, was she a bitch?

ASHLEY: She just, I mean, she gives you your drink, so I think it's a nice woman to me.

SAM: What was her name?

ASHLEY: I have no idea.

MARISHA: I bet she's a bitch.

LAURA: Why would you say that?

MARISHA: I don't know. Because I want to buy this place, so I don't want to like her.

LIAM: Do you know that there is a dead person in the basement here?

MARISHA: Maybe we can use that to run her out!

LAURA: There's a skeleton in the basement, apparently.

ASHLEY: Oh.

TALIESIN: I sort of agree with Nott on this, I think there comes a point where it's a skeleton and not an actual dead person at this point. I mean, I know it is a dead person.

LIAM: I don't think that's correct, actually. I think it's both things at the same time.

TALIESIN: I think there's a point where it's like a piece of fruit, but it's been out so long that even conceiving of it as a piece of fruit is not useful.

MARISHA: That's a good point.

LIAM: I am pretty sure that's incorrect.

MARISHA: Do you call a cherry pit a dead cherry?

TRAVIS: I start walking towards the--

LAURA: Could you still eat the body? If you can't eat the body anymore then it's not a person.

LIAM: You can eat anything if you are determined enough.

TALIESIN: That is also a very fair point.

MATT: Fjord has left the Schrödinger's skeleton conversation.

TALIESIN: Fjord, don't you dare have fun without us! I'm rolling out the door.

MATT: Go for it. Molly gives chase.

LAURA: I chase after them too.

SAM: I'll put on my mask and join.

ASHLEY: Slam down my-- go.

MATT: At this point now, the chilled late morning beneath the cloud covered skies, the streets are filled with all manner of people and families walking with baskets and colored streamers behind them. The large banners of silk of the autumn colors that were previously being placed up in the streets are in full display. The gentle wind is causing them to flicker and flap as the music weaves with the sound of the fabric. Small bands of bards and musicians mark nearly every street intersection, filling the air with music, poems, and cheer. It's a very stark difference to the lock-down that held the city over the past week and a half or so. The closer you begin to follow the crowds as they move along, hearing the chuckles of children and the conversations and laughter that seem to burble out of every street corner, it pushes you in the direction of the Pentamarket. That's when the smells of spices and incense begin to come in waves as you follow the sauntering crowds, eventually that smell overcome by the smell of cooked meat pies and roasted vegetables billowing from the various food carts that line the corners of the streets before you.

LIAM: I want to be at Ren Faire.

LAURA: I know!

MATT: The flickering of the wind is now this weird syncopation that's blending with the sound of the distant drums and ocarinas and flutes that are beginning to pipe into the strange din in the streets. You see a number of games of skill and chance that have been set up in the distance too, amongst the crowds, as people begin to weave through. To the left, you can see someone loudly proclaiming, "Want to play Trebuchet, anyone?" and down the way another voice calling out, "King's Vault!" You can see more games in the distance beyond there. More stages are set up with food and it's a veritable smörgåsbord of celebration. What do you guys want to do?

TRAVIS: Trebuchet sounds pretty fucking sweet.

TALIESIN: I think we're immediately heading to Trebuchet.

MARISHA: What do you mean? Is Trebuchet like a trebuchet?

TRAVIS: How the fuck do we know? We're going to find out, though.

TALIESIN: Do you fire it? Do you sit in it? I don't know. There's only one way to find out.

LIAM: I'm going to start walking towards the other one, the king's thing.

LAURA: All by yourself, Caleb?

SAM: I'm going with Caleb. Want to come?

LAURA: I want to get thrown in a trebuchet.

SAM: Go with them, then.

LAURA: Okay. Does it seem like there are more guards around than usual? Are the guards relaxed?

MATT: The guards are relaxed, but there's definitely a large presence, and in fact, a number of the games are run by the guards. In fact, Trebuchet, as you approach, you see two guards, male and female, that are both in the process of lifting a three or four year old girl, and she has a sandbag in her hand. They're like, "One, two, three!" and she throws it and it gets close, but stops before the basket, but they cheer her on, "Yay!" and set her down.

MARISHA: Aww, I thought they were going to throw her.

LAURA: Like a wonder child!

LIAM: Don't worry. If she falls, they kill her.

MATT: The kid runs off and grabs the bag and comes back and they lift her again. They go, "One, two--" and they give her even more of a swing so she gets a little more distance. It hits the edge and then tips off to the side and they go, "Aww" and the crowd who had gathered around "Awws" with her. The little girl smiles and gives them a hug and then runs off. One of the guards turns as you guys begin to approach and shouts to the crowd, "Trebuchet, anyone wish to play?"

TRAVIS: Yes. Most definitely.

MATT: "Five copper for three throws."

TRAVIS: Yeah. Here's ten copper for Molly and me.

MATT: "Sipes?" The other guard goes, "All right," pulls up three of the sandbags and hands them to you. "That basket there and that line there." You see that they were in between for the kids' reach, but there's about a ten-foot distance of small, thin carpet that's placed behind the line leading to this open wicker basket that's about a foot and a half wide. You have to throw overhead, facing away.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

SAM: Abdul-Jabbar.

LAURA: Do we need to pick them up and do the thing like you did with the child?

MATT: "You are more than welcome to try. I'd love to see that happen. That is not necessary."

TRAVIS: No, it's all right. Let me try it on my own first. For dignity's sake.

MATT: As you stand there, you take the sandbag and in a trebuchet-like motion, lob it overhead without quite looking, assuming the direction. Go ahead and make a dexterity check with disadvantage please.

TRAVIS: I didn't need that disadv-- That's a natural one.

(laughter)

SAM: $100 for 826LA.

MATT: You lob it and hear, (pained grunt) and everybody goes "Oh!" and you turn around.

TRAVIS: Sorry, friend. Yeah, that's a purple heart, sorry man. Jeez.

MATT: You turn around. You can see the mother of the small kid that was first throwing, and she's rubbing the side of her face.

LAURA: You hit a mother.

TRAVIS: Find her a soothing-- something to take the pain off.

MATT: She goes, "Ah, it's fine." Looks up at you and goes, "Come on." She grabs her kid's arm and they both leave deeper into the crowd.

LAURA: You should have let me and Yasha pick you up.

TRAVIS: No. I've got this. Resituate. Grab a bit of a glance. (grunts) That's another natural one.

LIAM: Cha-ching!

MATT: As you, one, two--

TRAVIS: This happened at Ren Fair before.

MATT: You go to heave the sack, and as it does, it gets caught on part of your breastplate and as you pull upward there's a (ripping) as sand goes scattering into the sky around, emptying the bag and pouring over you into your eyes. (spitting) Laughter starts to gather in the crowd around and some small clapping.

MARISHA: Again!

TRAVIS: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but let's give it a try.

LAURA: (gasps) Okay. Yasha, you get on one side. I'll get on the other.

ASHLEY: Okay. That's fine.

MATT: "Well, you have one more throw."

TRAVIS: That's what I mean. I got them helping me.

MATT: "Which one of you is taking the other throw?"

LAURA: Oh, no. We're going to pick Fjord up the way that you did the little child.

MATT: "Oh, perfect. There you go."

TRAVIS: Two shit throws in a row. It can't get any fucking worse.

LIAM: Come on, one! Yes!

ASHLEY: No!

MATT: That's ridiculous!

ASHLEY: Seriously?! Throw that away!

LAURA: You need to put that shit in jail.

TALIESIN: You shouldn't have hit that woman with a sandbag.

LIAM: That's all right. You got them out of the way. When we fight a basilisk later, all those ones are gone.

MATT: Jester, Yasha. How do you want to do this?

LAURA: We throw Fjord.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I don't think we help him. We just (whoosh).

MATT: They literally shot put Fjord about three or four feet. (surprised grunt)

ASHLEY: Did we get him in?

MATT: No. He gets about four feet before he goes face first into the carpet. The carpet balls up in front of him as he skids for another foot, foot and a half, with his feet up in the air before they come to rest. There's a dust cloud. There's a loud gathering of voices going, "Ooh" and then silent as the music plays in the distance.

TRAVIS: (coughing) I think that might have-- I'm going to get a drink. You guys carry on. Ow, my pride.

ASHLEY and LAURA: Molly!

MATT: The female guard goes and straightens out the carpet to get it right. "Five copper."

TALIESIN: No, he paid already.

MATT: "Oh that's right. Then, by all means."

TALIESIN: It's a dexterity? With disadvantage.

MATT: Because you're looking away. It's not a hard DC but--

TALIESIN: 19.

MATT: 19? (whoosh) (thud) "Whoa!" The crowd begins cheering. "Yeah!"

LAURA: Yay Molly!

MATT: They hand you a second one.

LAURA: Does he get a prize?

MATT: "At the end."

TALIESIN: I think I may have to-- I've spent my luck. I think it may be off to you and then one for you.

ASHLEY: Oh, okay.

LAURA: Really?

TALIESIN: Three throws. One each.

LAURA: Okay!

ASHLEY: By all means, Jester.

SAM: Jester, use these.

LAURA: No! Oh no.

TALIESIN: It's still not terrible.

LAURA: I rolled two twos.

TALIESIN: That's a six.

MATT: Jester. You throw it with all your strength, and it goes straight up. Hits you in the top of the head and dangles off one of your horns.

LAURA: Did it mess up my jewelry?

ASHLEY: Here, hold on.

TALIESIN: Wait. Right, let's just--

ASHLEY: Don't let it snag the earrings.

TALIESIN: It's out.

LAURA: Thank you. Go Yasha!

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: Four.

TRAVIS: We suck at this.

ASHLEY: Just let me do it. I know I'll get it in.

MATT: As it arcs, it lands. There's a little poof of dust behind. It only gets about four feet from you, unfortunately.

ASHLEY: It's like a weird shape, you know?

LAURA: It changes in the air.

TALIESIN: I hardly know, but I've thrown a baby before. Odd.

MATT: "However, we do have one successful in!" and they reach over into a satchel on the side and pull out "A fresh strawberry for the victor."

LAURA: That's it? A strawberry?

TRAVIS: Is it red?

MATT: It's actually pretty tasty. Fresh, sweet. It's delicious.

TALIESIN: Mmm. Mm-hmm.

TRAVIS: How much for a strawberry?

MATT: "Oh, we don't sell the strawberries. You can buy them further in. Here, you pay for the prestige of a victory and a strawberry. If you get all three, you get a candied apple."

LAURA: (gasps)

TALIESIN: (muffled) Tastes better with the victory.

TRAVIS: All right, what was the other game? Forget this.

LAURA: Caleb and Nott are already there.

MATT: While this was transpiring, you guys go to catch up while Caleb and Nott have approached the young half-elven woman who is shouting, "King's Vault!" As you approach, you see she has her hair tied back, and she's barking with this utmost confidence. "King's Vault! Come play! Anyone, come to the front! Show us your majesty of attention!"

LIAM: Yeah, what sort of game is it that you are running?

MATT: "Well, you place either a silver or a gold piece up and I will," and she pulls up three silver cups. "I will place it underneath one of these. Mix it around. Pay attention. Guess the right one. Get your coin back plus one. Get it wrong, coin stays with me. Simple game."

LIAM: Well, I just so happen to have three silver on me. It takes one silver to play?

MATT: "Yes. At least."

LIAM: At least. Well, I am feeling lucky today and always. Here it is.

MATT: "Onto the table." She takes the center cup (click). Cup's over it.

SAM: I'm looking. I'm going to hold my wire up to my mouth.

MATT: All righty. That being the case, I would like you both to roll a perception check.

LIAM: Does my Keen Mind help me at all in this situation?

MATT: Strangely, it does not.

LIAM: Natural 20.

(cheering)

SAM: Four.

MATT: As soon as she finishes the rotation, she stops and goes, "Very well," and you, has to be the right one. Has to be the center.

LIAM: I will go with the center one.

SAM: It's the one on the right!

LIAM: I think it is this one right here.

SAM: The right one. No! You're getting the wrong one! The right one!

LIAM: I will go with the middle one. I think it's probably the correct place.

MATT: She tips the cup. Indeed the silver is there. "Congratulations! With that, your earnings doubled," and gives you a secondary silver.

LIAM: Two silver. Well, you know, I just wanted to play the game. I'm not trying to make any money. Did you want to do anything here?

SAM: I'd like to compete please.

LIAM: I give her my two silver. Do me proud.

SAM: Yes please.

MATT: "A silver?"

SAM: Yeah, here.

MATT: "Of course." Coin goes down. Cups over it. Now there's a small crowd gathering. Now people are starting to watch. There was a victory apparently, and some cheers.

LIAM: I am going to back up like five or six steps and also do the same thing Nott did.

MATT: She begins shifting and shifting and shifting and shifting. Eyes focused on you. Starting to look strangely at you. "Very well. Choose." Now go ahead and roll a perception check.

SAM: That's a natural one.

(cheering)

MATT: You were paying attention. All of a sudden, you lost it. Looking up at her eyes, you were so caught off guard by her staring at your fairly well-concealed goblin visage, but seemingly not enough, as she has a curious raised eyebrow. That spooks you for a second. You go "Oh, shit!" You lost track of the cups.

LIAM: I got a total of 20.

MATT: Total of 20. On the perception? Okay. "What are you going to pick?"

SAM: I will choose-- eenie, meenie, miney.

LIAM: Do I get a chance to whisper to her what I saw? Because I want to do the same thing.

MATT: Make a sleight of hand check.

LIAM: Yeah okay. Oh, that's not so good. That is a six.

MATT: As you begin to pull your hands up and mutter your incantations, she goes, "Ahem. No funny business."

LIAM: Oh, I am a funny guy.

MATT: "I could tell. Ha ha. Now?"

SAM: I'm going to pick the one on-- the middle.

MATT: "The middle." She pulls the cup back. Empty. "Aw. A good try." Scoops the coin off the table.

SAM: I failed you, Caleb! I'm so sorry. I took your silver, and I let it go. I'm sorry.

LIAM: Yeah, but you know also, the other day, you gave me 200 gold, so it's not really a problem.

SAM: I know, but it's the principle.

MATT: "Well if you have 200 gold, you are more than welcome to place a gold piece up here as well.

SAM: We're okay. Thank you.

MATT: "Very well."

LIAM: I give her the stink-eye as we walk away.

MATT: "Take care of your green friend there."

LIAM: I intensify the stink-eye.

MATT: At this point, you guys turn around and you see the rest of your party has caught up to you. Fjord covered in dry dust.

TALIESIN: I won a strawberry.

MARISHA: Fjord can't throw.

LIAM: Did you have a different kind of dream?

TRAVIS: N-- No.

LIAM: Beat again.

SAM: He won a silver, but I lost it.

ASHLEY: What game did you play?

LIAM: It was called King's Crown.

SAM: King's Vault.

LIAM: That's what I said.

LAURA: Oh, the one where they spin it around and you see which cup it is.

LIAM: She was very quick, yeah.

ASHLEY: I wonder if there are any more games.

MATT: You glance around, keeping an eye open as you guys continue. You've now hit the deeper edge of the Pentamarket. The crowds around you are fairly dense at this point. There are people laughing and talking. They're carrying various baked goods that are fresh out of the nearby carts or oven. The smell creeps into your senses and takes over from that point. Children run past and bump you in the side. Some are holding two ends of a streamer, and the streamers continue past and flap around, hitting people. It's adorable and delightfully intense. The guard presence is very much felt here, but everyone is in high spirits. You get the sense that everyone has been waiting to get to this festival, to this moment here. It's a much different atmosphere than the gala you had seen a week before in the Tri-Spires.

TRAVIS: They needed this catharsis, it feels like.

TALIESIN: Quite a party.

MARISHA: I want to find the most ridiculous mead out there.

MATT: Oh, there are quite a few mead stands, so it's easy enough for you. Make an investigation check.

TRAVIS: Meat or mead?

MARISHA: Mead.

LAURA: I want to find the candied apples.

MARISHA: 17.

MATT: Very easy to find through a couple of sleight questions to some of the noncompetitive barkers. You manage to find a small meadery stand that's near the outskirts of one of the large arena structures, that you haven't seen used since you arrived in this city. As you approach, the older guy there, with this curled and unkempt chin-beard that looks like part of it isn't growing on the right side. You approach and he has all this thick, dark jugs of mead, and he is like, "Hey, you want some mead?"

MARISHA: Yeah, do you have mead that doesn't taste like piss?

MATT: "I have mead that'll get you fucked up."

MARISHA: That'll do.

MATT: "Might taste like piss still."

SAM: He did not answer your question.

LIAM: That'll do, pig.

MARISHA: What's your highest proof mead?

MATT: He picks up one jug (sniffs). "That one" and hold it out for you to smell. It's pretty strong. It smells slightly acrid, but not in a bad way. Just in a strong mead way.

TRAVIS: Slightly vinegar.

MARISHA: Still smells like piss, man.

MATT: "Welp, depends what you want. Do you want strong or do you want tasty? You got to pick."

MARISHA: Strong.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, good choice.

MATT: "That'll be a nice, fair filled cup. For a silver."

TALIESIN: This about when I run up: What'd you get?

MARISHA: Barbarian pee, but it's good.

TALIESIN: What are the options?

MATT: He pulls up three jugs. He says, "This end, tasty. This end, fuck you up. This one, little bit of A, little bit of B."

TALIESIN: I'll take whatever's most expensive.

MATT: Grabs the same stuff that Beau got, the heavier, thick stuff. Pours, gives you a cup full of it. "That'll be a silver piece."

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Takes it. It's strong, the aftertaste isn't too bad. It's the initial, weird, sour, vinegary, impact, but then the sweetness comes in afterward. It sets well, and it's *strong*. As you guys are walking around and keeping an eye, you do see there is another stand that has an elevated platform called Titan's Grasp. There are four soldiers of the Righteous Brand, the Empire Military, that are currently manning it. They're wearing their plate mail of silver and dark-crimson design. A large, cubed stone, two feet by two feet, is set on top of this platform with a metal bar that is wedged beneath it, that it's leaning against. The metal bar has a cylindrical center point, like a fulcrum. There is a large hammer, that one of them is currently holding to the side. As you begin to approach, you see one guy there, who's currently spitting into his hands, grabs the hammer (grunts). As he hits the metal bar, the stone goes (slight scraping) barely shifts. He sets down the hammer and everyone's like: "Yay" and he goes, "I moved it!" Steps down off the platform.

TRAVIS: They're celebrating anything these days.

LAURA: Yasha!

ASHLEY and LAURA: We should go play this game.

ASHLEY: I was really looking forward to looking for ridiculous meats. Not meads, but maybe we can--

MARISHA: Oh, meat sounds great too.

TRAVIS: Yeah, the day is young.

ASHLEY: Let's go play this game.

TRAVIS: Not play, crush this game.

LAURA: We get a candied apple, okay?

MATT: You approach the four soldiers that are up there. One of them comes up to you, the one who has the hammer at his side after retrieving it from the last person, goes, "Hey all right, are you willing to play some Titan's Grasp, eh?"

ASHLEY and LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: "All right, it's five silver an entry."

LAURA: Five silver.

ASHLEY: What's the prize?

MATT: "Single swing, but winner gets the current pot. Which stands at--" and he turns to one of the other guards who goes through a small bag and goes, "That's going to run about 43 gold."

ASHLEY: Okay.

LAURA: Yeah!

ASHLEY: I'll give five gold. Five silver, I mean. I'm so sorry.

MATT: "All right, one swing. You?"

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: "One swing for you."

TRAVIS: Two swings.

ASHLEY: Two swings? Shit, okay.

MATT: "Take as many as you want. No one's turned it over this morning yet."

ASHLEY: All right.

TALIESIN: Can you rage at this thing when you--

ASHLEY: That's what I was going to try.

LAURA: Nice.

TRAVIS and ASHLEY: When in doubt.

MATT: "Who's going first?"

LAURA: Yasha can go first.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'll go first.

LAURA: I'm going to wait to give him my money because I have a feeling Yasha might win. I'm going to wait.

MATT: "Oh, I like that. Your friend's got confidence in you. All right, big missy." Hands you the heavy hammer. It's not too heavy in your grasp.

TRAVIS: Come on, Yasha!

MATT: It's not very well balanced either. It's not a battle-ready hammer, it's designed for this type of a show experience. You get the sense this hammer would not be the most effective for this. It might be intentional. It's your turn, people start gathering. You're up on an elevated two foot platform there. They have the metal bar fulcrum, all set beneath the stone. Hammer's in your hands, what do you do?

ASHLEY: Okay, so I would like to rage. Ah! Just strength?

MATT: This is a strength check, yeah. You have advantage while you're raging. Roll twice, take the higher, and add your strength modifier.

ASHLEY: Oof. Okay, 17.

MATT: 17. (grunts) (ringing impact) You hit the metal bar, the stone (scraping) falls back into rest. It's a heavy stone.

LAURA: What are we trying to do here?

MATT: The stone is resting on the lower part and there is a fulcrum round centerpiece to it. You're trying to hit on this end to push the stone to roll over. It moved slightly and falls back into place. "Good try! That was very strong there, lass. Don't worry."

ASHLEY: Well, I have another go.

MATT: "Well pay another."

ASHLEY: I did. I gave you ten.

MATT: "Oh you did? Tell me this when you're counting this, bud. Go ahead, second swing."

TALIESIN: You get another swing, yeah.

MATT: You get advantage while raging, so--

ASHLEY: 24.

TRAVIS and LAURA: Ooh!

MATT: You pull back, and the one guy is looking over to one of the mates on the side and starts laughing. Suddenly (impact) (scraping) (larger impact). The stone shifts, slams on to the other side. All four of them go (gasp).

(cheering)

LAURA: Yasha!

MATT: Now suddenly the crowd around, that you didn't notice gathering, start cheering: "Yay!" Looks over to the one guard who had the pouch, "Okay then, congratulations."

ASHLEY: Thank you.

MATT: Hands it over.

ASHLEY: Can I count it?

MATT: Yeah go for it. You take a moment to count through, while staring at him. It comes out to roughly about 43 gold worth of silver, including the ten silver that you put into it. Or not including the ten silver, so in addition to that. It would be 44 gold worth but it's mostly silver pieces.

ASHLEY: Oh shit, how much--

LIAM: About seven feet away, out of habit, Caleb just went: (counting).

LAURA: That will buy us so many candied apples.

MATT: All the guards go over and shift the stone back over onto the fulcrum. They pull in and bring out about a gold piece each, to throw five gold back into the pot. They go, "All right, back up. Who wants in?"

ASHLEY: She's next.

LAURA: Oh, well all right. Five gold is-- all right.

TRAVIS: I'll toss in a gold piece just to make it interesting.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, no, I'll do that when I see you going in.

LAURA: What!? You guys.

MATT: The guards are going, "Wait, into the--"

LAURA: You're going to play, right?

TRAVIS: For the game, right?

SAM: I will take that bet. I'll bet against her.

LAURA: What?

TRAVIS: Sure.

SAM: I got one gold that says she cannot do this.

MARISHA: I'm the booker, so you pay me.

SAM: I don't think that's how that works.

LAURA: I roll for strength check?

MATT: Yup, roll a strength check, add your strength modifier.

LAURA: Natural 20!

(cheering)

MATT: (resounding impact) As you slam down again, the stone goes (impact). It rolls over a second time.

TRAVIS: Two in a row.

MATT: Seemingly, the fulcrum set after you knocked it over prepared her for a better slam. As it hits, the four soldiers of the Righteous Brand look at each other, "We're going to take a break here for a second. Return here in about 30 minutes." They hand the money over to you get five, six gold.

LAURA: Seven gold.

TRAVIS: Nott.

SAM: Here's one gold. I just wanted to fire her up.

LAURA: Thanks, Nott. It worked.

SAM: I know.

MATT: They're going to inspect the hammer, inspecting the fulcrum, inspecting the stone, and they're basically in the process of wondering if they had somehow been cheated out of this. They can't find anything.

LAURA: I skip away.

MATT: At this point now, the smell of warm, candied fruit begins to waft past you. You glance over and can see there is a large car that is selling all sort of sweet fruit that have been coated in sugar. Some have a sticky syrup exterior, and there are candied apples available for purchase. Depends on how much you guys want to purchase, if any.

ASHLEY: I would very much-- I have never had a candied apple before.

LAURA: You have to try them. They're so good!

SAM: You've never had a candied apple before? It seems so basic. It's honey and an apple.

LAURA: Well, the candied apples are hard, right? The caramel apples are softer. Do you have caramel apples?

MATT: You can see the older woman who's there, who a little bit portly with a big smile, rosy cheeks, pulls from behind the counter, "They're still cooling off." You can see a small tray that has about six caramel covered apples that you see are still gleaming in the little bit of light that's coming from the cloudy sky.

LAURA: Yes. That's what I wanted!

LIAM: I haven't had one of those in such a long time.

LAURA: I'm going to buy one for all of us.

MATT: "All right, that's going to be--"

SAM: We have to share one?

MATT: "Two copper each. For seven, that'll put you at 14 copper."

LAURA: Okay. How much does that add up to in silver?

TALIESIN: One silver, four copper.

LAURA: Okay. I pass it over.

MATT: "There's six caramel apples here, and you have seven with you."

TRAVIS: It's okay. No, it gets stuck in your teeth.

ASHLEY: I'll take the candy, because I've never had it.

MATT: "Candy apple, all right, for you and the six for you. (shouting) All out of caramel apples for the time being, but return here in an hour!"

LAURA: An hour! You have to wait because we got all of them!

(laughter)

MATT: There's this little girl across the way who's like--

LAURA: Aw. I cut a little slice off and give her one little slice.

MATT: You approach, and she gets scared. As you get closer you can see she looks a little disheveled. Probably one of the less well-off people of the city of Zadash. You don't see a parental figure in the near vicinity.

LAURA: Where's your mama? Do you have a mama? Is she around?

MATT: Just runs off.

LAURA: Oh no, I was going to give you more, but okay. Goodbye.

SAM: Should we go after her? I can hunt her down.

LAURA: No.

LIAM: While I start to enjoy my apple, I would like to look around and see if there are any book stalls or book barrels.

SAM: Those festive book stalls.

TALIESIN: A barrel of books!

MATT: Go ahead and make a perception check.

SAM: Candied books!

TRAVIS: The little girl disappeared into the crowd, or did she join a bunch of other kids?

MATT: She disappeared into the crowd.

LIAM: Perception, you said?

SAM: Throw a dart. Win a book.

LIAM: 15.

MATT: It does not appear that there is a strong presence of tome and/or book retailers as part of the celebration, unfortunately.

LIAM: Okay, while I was looking round, is there anything besides games and food?

MATT: There's games. There's food. There are celebratory tapestries in the colors of autumn. You see small, pressed crests of the Empire that are used to either hang over your door as a good luck charm or to use as decor on the interior. A lot of it's knick-knacks and general collectibles. Most everyone out here, it's a craft fair on top of being a celebratory-- There's a bunch of random odds and ends that people collect or purchase to add to their home interior.

LIAM: Huge long shot probably a no, but do I also see anything about the Cobalt Soul here?

MATT: Glancing about, you do see the occasional person of the Cobalt Soul robes, but they're not selling anything here.

TALIESIN: I'm going to run up behind: Caleb, have you run Detect Magic on any of this?

LIAM: Well, you know, I tried to do a little stuff on the sly a little while ago and didn't work out so well.

TALIESIN: Just, there's so much. I figure something's got to be interesting.

LIAM: Well, if you can keep eyes off of me for a moment, I can do that if you like.

TALIESIN: I can absolutely do that. I'm going to run towards the tapestry booth.

MATT: Okay.

(laughter)

MATT: There you can see, it's a long, thin cart that's mainly things on display. It looks like it's two wooden dowel rods at each side of this booth, that all push together at the center. All the tapestries are hung over the side on display for the front end. There's three individuals that are manning this booth. There isn't a whole lot of transaction going on there. It's a little more of a specialty item in the sense that not everyone needs to fill their place with tapestries. They're on display.

TALIESIN: I'm seeing if there's anything deeply gaudy.

MATT: Yes, actually. There is one that is an insignia or an interpretation of the symbol of the Platinum Dragon. It is silver threads among a standard sky-blue coloring. There's several different dragon heads that are woven into the pattern. There's almost an embroidery. For as much as you've known about the Platinum Dragon and the religion, it's surprisingly gaudy.

LIAM: I'm trailing about 40 feet behind Molly.

TALIESIN: That's beautiful. How much is that, then?

MATT: One of the people running the booth, quickly, as you see a mid-30s, half-elf man with a bit of chin scruff and very short hair, leans around the corner and goes, "Oh, for the Platinum Dragon. This one was handcrafted by me and my mate, over the period of about two months. Hand embroidered. Very difficult. Very exquisite. For the entire piece, the central piece you're inquiring about, that'll run you about ten gold pieces. We have smaller, almost doily-sized renditions of it back here."

TALIESIN: How big is this piece, out of curiosity?

MATT: He takes the back and unfolds it entirely but can't quite get the full arm length to get up there. He's like, "This one's about six and a half, seven feet from top to bottom. Can be used as a rug, should you be so inclined and you aren't quite a fan of the Platinum Dragon and want him beneath your feet--"

TALIESIN: It's purchased. Ten gold? My god.

MATT: "Right away!" He takes it, begins folding it up with one of his other compatriots. They take the twine and manage to fasten it in three places.

TALIESIN: Bless you, master craftsmen! My god. It is such a rendition of the Platinum Dragon that I've never seen before. I clutch at my Platinum Dragon brooch. It's beautiful.

MATT: He says, "We're happy to bring joy to you and the house of your great deity." They hand you this relatively massive tapestry that's almost seven feet end to end.

TALIESIN: Oh, I have fucking plans, people! Swing it over my shoulder, and I'll be walking around like a pike.

MATT: As this is happening, you see that there are two other games. You're now seeing the central space here. You've walked past this structure. It's this small, forum-like circular stone building that's been emptied and closed. Now there's crowds walking in and out the front doorway, and around it are where a lot of these games are set up. You do see one that has a big banner that says Eagle Shot. There is one large, central platform where it looks like this is where a lot of public presentations are given here in the Pentamarket. It's currently set up with a central table and a number of members of the Righteous Brand, as well as one that is a *very* well-adorned human male with brown hair that's pulled up into a topknot. He has a big, thick beard. Looks like a handsome fellow and he's currently barking out something about the military. You're too far away to make out the details of it. That one has a wooden carved sign that says Soldier's Spirit. It's currently put on the edge of the stage.

LAURA: Where in relation to all of this is the Hearth of the Allhammer? Because I know it's in the Pentamarket.

MATT: The Hearth of the Allhammer would be on the other side of this large, forum-like structure.

SAM: I'm going to walk over to the Eagle Shot, was it?

MATT: Eagle Shot, yes.

SAM: What's that game look like?

MATT: As you approach, there are two crownsguard that are helming a small, compact archery range. There's a series of trees that are at the very back that mark what would normally be an alcove in this small park, but within this alcove there are three archery targets that are slightly off from each other at different distances. They have a rack with different bows and a whole cache of arrows that are set to the side.

MARISHA: (laughter) I'm just standing there like, what?

SAM: Bows? Nah.

LAURA: You could do it!

SAM: It's too hard to pull it back! This thing does it for you, look. (click)

LAURA and MARISHA: Maybe they'll let you use it.

SAM: I guess I could go ask. Excuse me, sir or madam?

MATT: The first guard turns around. "Oh, little girl, good to see you. What can I help you with?"

SAM: I'm wondering if you have to use a bow and arrow to compete or can you use one of these?

MATT: "What do you-- " Which, you still have a bolt nocked in this hand crossbow. He's like, "Put the-- "

SAM: I'm not going to fire it at you! I don't have anything wrong with it.

MATT: "Little miss, you shouldn't be waving that around in public. I'm not sure how you got a hold of that. Where's your mother?"

SAM: My father is over there.

LIAM: Did you want to play this game?

SAM: Yes, papa.

MATT: "Unfortunately, by the rules you have to use one of the provided bows."

SAM: This one is pretty good.

MATT: "Please put-- sir, your daughter is a danger to the general public right now."

LIAM: No, she is an excellent shot. She's trained.

MATT: "Well, she has not been trained proper use of that in a space in which is it safe for other people to be around. I'm just saying."

LIAM: Sure. How much to play your game?

MATT: "Could I see that for a second?"

LIAM: My daughter's crossbow, you want?

MATT: Takes it, the crossbow, and pulls the string back, removes the tension, hands it back. "There. Would either of you like to play some Eagle Shot?" Behind them, somebody like--

SAM: Now I feel like we *have* to. He just human-splained me.

(laughter)

MATT: The other guard behind is currently setting up an older woman who is in the process of getting the arrow lined up, and it keeps falling out of her grip and the other guard's like, "No, put it here," and getting ready. Finally fires and arrow and it goes and disappears past one of the trees, "Oh, no!"

LIAM: Well, you know, I'll tell you something. If you want to have a laugh, let's have me do some physical sports, so that should be pretty good.

SAM: That'll be fun. All right, let's do it. We will both enter your competition.

MATT: "Very well. That's one silver piece for three shots. Closest bullseye, if acquired, you get a rat from a cage." He pulls off from the side here; you see a small stack of wicker cages with rats inside them. "Get yourself a pet rat. If you go ahead and get that middle bullseye, about part way across that range, there, you win yourself one of these finely crafted wooden swords." They have this decently-whittled wooden sword. The center cross hilt for it is strapped with twine tightly. Swings it a couple times and sets it down, lays it against and it rests and hits the ground off to the side. "Now the farthest one over there-- " and you watch as the old woman pulls another shot and it almost hits the far target before it gets stuck in the tree about ten feet behind it, "Hit that one way back there and that one will get you this." He pulls up a haphazard, stitched doll with button eyes, like the stitches are too wide so it looks like the crosses behind it are visible. There's no mouth. There's like, matted twine hair, some felt-like material that's made a crown and a cape. "Of our fine King Bertrand Dwendal."

LIAM: Just a question for you. Should I hit the one in the back, which is highly likely, could we have the doll's weight in rats instead?

MATT: He gives you a look like you said a bad word. He goes, "I suppose."

SAM: How far is the farthest one?

MATT: He glances back. "It's probably about 80 feet."

SAM: Let's try.

MARISHA: Nott, I really want that wooden sword.

SAM: You don't have a sword, do you?

TRAVIS: Creepy little doll, man!

MARISHA: Don't listen to Fjord.

LAURA: Get the doll. I bet it's cursed!

SAM: I can't work with this kind of pressure!

MARISHA: Nott. If you get that sword, I'll give you my jade bracelet.

SAM: Oh man!

LIAM: Is this an attack roll?

MATT: It is an attack roll, and it's a short bow. He said about 80 feet, but the farthest one's about 100 feet. Which means it is in its second range increment, so the one in the back is at disadvantage.

SAM: I'm not proficient in this thing at all, right?

MATT: Well, let's go ahead and see. Rogue proficiencies. It's a simple ranged weapon. You should be. I'm pretty sure you are. Yep, simple weapons. You are proficient with the short bow. "Who's going first, if you don't mind me asking?"

LIAM: Let me show my daughter how it is done.

MATT: "Of course, understood." Hands you one of the short bows off of the side and three arrows. They're all right in their construction.

LIAM: Watch my form and technique. I pick up the bow, and I take the stick thing. I pull it back like this.

MATT: "Oh-- I--"

LIAM: Yeah?

MATT: "No, continue."

LIAM: (sneezes)

MATT: Which target are you aiming for?

LIAM: The farthest one, obviously.

MATT: The farthest? All right, with disadvantage. Add your dexterity modifier.

LIAM: Oh.

MATT: I do not think you're proficient--

LIAM: Aww, no, not at all. That is a three.

MATT: Well, as a wizard, you might be, actually. For simple weapons. Nope. No, you are not.

TALIESIN: Is it just simple weapons, or is it simple ranged weapons?

MATT: Well, it's simple ranged weapons, but those count as simple weapons.

TALIESIN: Simple weapons, okay.

MATT: It gets about 40 or so feet before it gets stuck in the dirt. He's like, "That was good."

LIAM: Hmm. The *fretching* on that one was probably not very good. Let me try again.

SAM: I think it's fletch-- yeah.

LIAM: Listen, I have read a lot of books. I know it is *fretching*.

MATT: You nock your secondary arrow. Take a shot.

LIAM: Nope. Dang it. The second rolls are always really good! That is an eight.

MATT: This one gets about five feet further and almost hits a squirrel. You hear (squeaking), and it darts off into a nearby bush.

LAURA: You could have got your own prize!

SAM: One more shot. You can do this!

LIAM: This is not well-crafted. I grab my wire that I use for the message spell, and I put my hair into a little ponytail.

LAURA: You shouldn't use wire to do that, Caleb.

MARISHA: It damages your hair.

LIAM: (pew) Okay. Oh no. Ten.

MATT: This one gets 40 feet, which is halfway there, before it hits the ground and sticks into the dirt. As soon as it finishes, there's like a, "That was good. Go fetch that." The other guard runs out and grabs the arrows to retrieve them.

LIAM: Full disclosure: I have no athletic ability. That went as well as I expected it to.

MATT: "That is surprising. Well, a fine Harvest Close to you, friend, and for your daughter."

SAM: Yes, it's my turn.

MATT: Hands the bow over, and a set of three arrows.

LAURA: He's going with the dice jail dice! You should not have done that.

SAM: Do I add proficiency and--

MATT: Proficiency and your dex mod.

SAM: 11.

MATT: This one arcs. It almost gets near the target, but ends up veering off to the right and ends up vanishing behind one of the secondary targets near the tree. He says, "Yeah, that was better than your father."

SAM: What is that? 12.

MATT: This one hits the actual base of the far target. Misses the target entirely, but it hits the actual plank of wood that's holding it up.

MARISHA: See, the beads have a little bit of like, gold embossing, etching inside of them.

SAM: Far target. 15.

MATT: It hits the bottom of the target. No bullseye, but you hit it. He's like, "That was actually very good."

SAM: Shut up! I don't need you to condescend to me! Give me another one!

MATT: "Right away, little missy." Grabs three more arrows.

LIAM: I slap down the silver for it.

SAM: Thank you!

LIAM: Yeah. It was two, right?

MATT: One silver for three shots.

LIAM: I put down two silver.

MATT: Six more shots, all right. "There you go."

LAURA: She won't need six more shots.

SAM: Two, in quick succession. 20.

MATT: As you pull back, perfect bullseye into the farthest target. There's this brief pause as the guard spins around and goes, "What-- "

SAM: I'm not done! I get four more shots! Two in quick succession to the middle one.

TALIESIN: Is it still disadvantage to the middle target?

MATT: Middle one is not at disadvantage.

SAM: Oh, well then. Should I reroll? Okay. I will still use your shitty dice. Two 23s.

MATT: Both arrows-- we're talking, like, Disney Robin Hood-style, one arrow, next one splits the first arrow. The guard's still recovering from the first bullseye, he's like, "What?!"

SAM: Then two more. To the short one. 16 and a 21.

MATT: Both hit at the same time. The guard looks slowly over towards you. "Well done."

LIAM: Now go home and get your fucking shinebox.

MATT: "Here's your doll."

TALIESIN: And the sword?

MATT: "Two swords."

LAURA: Two swords!

ASHLEY: I thought it was the rats--

MATT: "Two rats."

LAURA: Double rats!

ASHLEY: Double rats, yeah. That's it? Because I thought that was dinner. We have--

TALIESIN: We're not eating the rats.

LAURA: We'll find some other dinner, Yasha.

ASHLEY: It's my favorite.

MATT: You now have in your inventory: two rats in rat cages, two wooden swords--

SAM: You can have *both* wooden swords.

MARISHA: Oh, thanks!

TRAVIS: Yasha, do you eat rat a lot?

MATT: A hand-stitched doll of King Bertrand Dwendal.

LAURA: That's a really good doll.

SAM: Oh, it really is. Would you like the rats?

ASHLEY: Well, were you going to eat one?

SAM: Well, we can share.

TRAVIS: Alive, or do you cook it?

ASHLEY: No, I like to have it cooked. It falls off the bone. It's like a nice--

SAM: Oh, I can wait. I guess.

LIAM: It really depends on what you have at your disposal. Yeah?

SAM: Later. It'll be a celebratory-- we could candy them.

LAURA: Or caramel them!

ASHLEY: Let's try it.

LAURA: Can I start to wander away towards the Allhammer?

MARISHA: Look, guys. I'm Molly. Look! I want to go over to the military booth.

SAM: Don't cut yourself!

MATT: While this is happening, Jester, you make your way around the large forum, and there you see the Hearth of the Allhammer. You've passed it before, and you can see it's the domed, iron structure. It's been left to rust a bit at the edges. The tops of the dome are polished where it's easily accessible, but the very peak of the dome is a little bit red, brown, rusted. There are a number of open arches in the inside, and you see the large, central forge that marks the center of the temple.

LAURA: Is there a statue of the Allfather? The Allhammer guy?

MATT: You do see the large anvil that marks there has the symbol of the Allfather printed on each side and acts as both a ceremonial anvil for the creation of religious artefacts and items as part of worship and as the central statue for worship itself. That is the closest thing there is in this temple to a central focus of worship.

TRAVIS: Nott, be real careful with that doll; they put little spirits of kids in those.

LAURA: Is there any guards around or are they mostly gone because of the celebration?

MATT: It's not busy on the inside because right now everyone's focus is on the actual celebration. There are three individuals that are manning the interior of the temple, one of which is the herald. Each temple in the city has a herald that's the keeper of that temple. It's a female dwarf, dark brown hair and three long braids that trail past to the middle back with a chainmail robe on that descends past the knees and is currently sitting on a bench and eating dried meat out of a small pouch and people watching as people walk by the temple. Nobody's in there actively worshipping at the moment.

LAURA: I go inside.

SAM: Burn the place down.

MATT: Do you go in trying to avoid attention or are you announcing yourself as you arrive?

LAURA: No. I'm going to casually walk in. Just, you know.

MATT: As you walk in, a voice in the corner from the direction of where the herald was goes, "Miss, if you need something, don't be afraid to let me know. We're just sitting around."

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: "Of course."

LAURA: Oh, I should have disguised myself first. I leave. Go literally right around the corner and disguise myself, and I come right back in.

MATT: What do you disguise yourself as?

LAURA: I cast Disguise Self as an old woman-- oof, who just burped?

MATT: You?

LAURA: No, it wasn't me. With like a really tight bun and little teeny glasses and a cane. I guess I can't make myself have a cane, can I?

MATT: No, that's not an extension of--

LAURA: All right, well I walk kind of hunched over.

MATT: Okay. As you come around the corner and make your way in, you saunter in the far end of the temple through one of the arches that marks the interior, come in through the shadow and the herald once again goes, "If you need something, right over here."

LAURA: (grumbling)

MATT: "All right, that's fine." Goes back to-- (chuckles) already seems taken aback by your presence. What do you want to do?

LAURA: Is there anybody in there? Nobody's in there?

MATT: Well, I mean, there's people in there.

LAURA: (whispered) Oh, shit.

MATT: There's the herald who's sitting in the back eating on the opposite end of the anvil and there's two other folks that are on the outskirts of the arches, looking out into the crowd, just people watching.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to walk around to the back end of the anvil and act like I'm praying, but I'm going to wait until it looks like they're all looking the other direction.

MATT: As you begin to pray, the two others that are on the outside, who've noticed you enter, their attention doesn't wander to you for too long before they go back out to the celebration, people walking by and people watching in general. You're on the opposite side of the anvil from the herald who's still chewing on her meat. What do you want to do?

LAURA: I would like to get my paint set out and paint pink hearts all over the back side of the anvil along with "The Traveler was here". Then I'm going to leave a couple travel brochures for the Traveler. Yeah, I think that's good but they're sizeable hearts. I want nice pretty pink, all over the hammer. The anvil.

MATT: Just for the sake of presentation because you're doing this with a bit of haste, knowing that you're under pressure. Go ahead and roll a performance check.

LAURA: Okay. With a pink dice. That's pretty good. 18.

MATT: 18. As you quickly begin to finish this heart, Traveler was here, you hear (yawning) across the way from the herald. You stop for a second-- no reaction. Continue going. You finish up the art piece. One of the other guardians of the temple begins to turn around and walk back towards the herald and you pull back for a moment, but they turned away from you and it seems that you've managed to go this far without being noticed. You finish up your last heart, the exclamation point and the underline of the Traveler.

LAURA: Oh, and I'm going to take some sequins off of my sequins glove and sprinkle it on there.

MATT: (tinkling)

LIAM: A little granny painting furiously.

MATT: Just (straining). You put the pamphlets there on the side, slip them beneath the offering bowl at the base of it.

LAURA: I want one sitting right on top of the anvil. Then I'm going to leave.

MATT: Make a sleight of hand check on that one.

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: Because that will be creeping into the view of the herald.

LAURA: 11.

MATT: As you place it on top, the voice on the opposite end goes, "Do you need help there? Dearie?"

LAURA: (quavering) Oh, no, just leaving a little message for my son here. He's a big worshipper. Ah. I walk away.

MATT: As you get up and start walking away, the herald stands up and begins walking towards the other side of the anvil.

LAURA: I walk really quickly.

MATT: There's like speedily running granny into the crowd and as you get--

LAURA: Drop disguise.

MATT: Drop disguise-- in the middle of the crowd?

LAURA: Well, no, I zoom around the corner.

MATT: Still in your disguise as you're charging into the crowd, behind you, you hear a voice (scream). "That old woman! Find her!" There's screaming and you hear this ruckus as people around start looking behind at the shouting sound as you dart around the corner. Drop disguise and as you do, you can now see the herald and the two keepers of the temple are now pushing through the crowd, looking, searching like, "Has anyone seen an old woman?" Is describing you as best they can and it looks like there's a bit of commotion going on. As you begin to disperse into the crowd, making your way--

LAURA: I take a bite of my caramel apple, and I go walking down.

MATT: You hear a crunch sound and your hand shakes for a second and you look down and a mysterious secondary bite was taken out of the apple.

LAURA: (gasp) I lick the spot.

(groaning)

SAM: You're making out with your god? Gross.

MATT: They have a special relationship. While this is happening, you head to the military stand, you said? Anybody going with Beau?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll go.

TALIESIN: I also follow.

MATT: You guys approach at this point towards the Soldier Spear. You see this larger platform in the middle of the Pentamarket. There you see the central military figures wearing ornamental armor with a top knot. There is a table set up there with these benches and you can see there are two burly men, one who is this hairy, heavy thick woodsman type who is wearing a leather apron and--

SAM: A Sam Riegel-type.

MATT: Yes, exactly. He's like super butch. Hand clasped with a trained soldier who's wearing elements of the Righteous Brand armor but has taken bits of it off and they're both going (grunting). They're in the middle of an arm wrestling match and they're both tensing back and forth (grunting) before the brawny guy slams the soldier's arm down to the table. He goes (yelling). The crowd around goes (cheering). There's a shout and cheer and the gentleman in the center goes, "That was well done. Well done and congratulations to you. Now that you've proven yourself my friend, would you be interested at all in joining the Righteous Brand? Being a strong warrior in his own right," and the guy's like, "Ah, piss off! I don't want to." He goes like, "It's a good wage. Gold per day. Fed. All the equipment you need. You help keep the Empire safe. No? All right, very well. Anyone else?"

MARISHA: Yeah, what's up?

MATT: "Well, we are having a contest to see who here is the strongest."

MARISHA: Cool. Who's the strongest?

MATT: "Well, so far, it's that gentleman." Points over to the heavy, burly fellow who's off to the side. He's currently flexing and cracking his wrist.

MARISHA: If you win, do you have to stick around and arm wrestle a whole bunch of people because you're suddenly the best? I don't want to dedicate more time to this.

MATT: "I mean, you don't have to."

MARISHA: Do I still get to be the best though if this guy sticks around and just keeps going?

MATT: "Probably, but don't be surprised if other contenders start following you around the town to try and take your title."

LIAM: This is like the King of Kong.

MARISHA: Is this really that important to you guys? Yeah.

MATT: "Not to us, but it's a fun place to display your skill and talent. Plus, we're always looking for some fine young soldiers to come and join us out there on the fields. To take down the Xhorhasian evils and keep all these fine folks here well taken care of."

MARISHA: For a gold a day?

MATT: "Yeah."

MARISHA: Buying people's loyalty for a gold a day?

TRAVIS: Wow.

MARISHA: Sorry, I just-- all right. (sighs) Heard something about a Victory Pit. Is this the Victory Pit?

SAM: She's the worst.

MATT: He goes, "No, you're not--" Points over and that large forum building, that circular forum building that you saw that now the crowd's starting to wash into that had been closed off previous weeks, he goes, "That, that is the Victory Pit. That will be happening in a few hours, but you're welcome to compete here if you're feeling so feisty."

MARISHA: Yeah, sure.

MATT: "What's your name?"

MARISHA: Beau.

MATT: "Ah. Recruiter Leopold Wanstiker. Pleasure to meet you."

MARISHA: Person Beau. Nice to meet you. What is it? Leopold Sydney?

MATT: Recruiter Leopold Wanstiker. W-A-N-S-T-I-K-E-R.

MARISHA: Wang stacker. All right.

(laughter)

MATT: So.

TRAVIS: This is top knot dude?

MATT: Top knot guy, yep.

LIAM: That's the wang.

MATT: "Whoever wins this, gets to go up against our finest solder who should be back from his lunch break here in the next ten minutes or so. We have the new challenger Beau. Let's see." He points over to the grizzled-looking beastly man who's currently chugging down the final bits of a tankard of ale. Spins around, wipes it off his beard and stands up. "Yeah, I'm coming." He gets up onto the edge of the stage and goes, "Well, this is Kendall."

(laughter)

MATT: "He's a strong fellow. Good luck." He sits down.

MARISHA: I'm going to fail this miserably.

MATT: Sits down at his stool, puts his meaty arm out with the fingers and goes--

MARISHA: Good to meet you, Kendall.

MATT: "Sure."

MARISHA: Ugh, it's sweaty.

MATT: It is sweaty.

TRAVIS: Calm your mind. Just steel your mind.

MARISHA: Oh, god.

MATT: Leopold goes, "One, two, three!" Go ahead and make a strength check.

MARISHA: Oh, god, just--

LIAM: Those knuckle hairs are like fly legs.

MARISHA: Just a check?

MATT: Yep. Just a d20, add your strength modifier.

LIAM: Oh.

MARISHA: Five.

MATT: Five. At that center point, you immediately begin to give to his grasp. You see this slight grin begin to curl underneath his wiry beard as his arm begins to push you close to the edge of the table. Make another strength check.

TRAVIS: Dig in!

MARISHA: A critter gave me this. They said it was lucky. It's not that lucky. 12.

MATT: 12. With that (slams) onto the table. You lose.

MARISHA: Ow!

MATT: Knuckles a little bruised from the slam. He gets up and is like, "Ha!"

TALIESIN: That was worth following around for.

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: Ah.

TRAVIS: Thought you were going to beat him.

MARISHA: I'm very slippery, I'm not-- I want to do that Victory Pit thing, though.

MATT: "Well done though, Beau. Well done. Here." He hands you a small piece of parchment that's rolled up and goes, "This is information about, if you'd be so interested, in coming and joining the Righteous Brand."

SAM: Audition for our acapella group.

TALIESIN: Kingsman.

MATT: "You can find us at the Marrow Keeps of the Righteous Brand on the outskirts of the northern end of Zadash, should you be so interested."

TRAVIS: Marrow Keeps?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: We've heard of that before.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MATT: This is in the area of the Signet Wall which is the military district of the city.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: "Anyone else?" Another gentleman raises his hand and gets up on stage and they begin to do a showdown. The two of them begin to go back and forth. However, that same beastly figure, Kendall, still manages to, defeat the guy and send him to the table, get up again and "Ha!" Then at some point, shortly thereafter, Leopold goes, "Ah, he returns! He returns! (chuckling) Gunther Prast, our finest soldier here in the city, would like to challenge the current standing contender." You watch now as this massive behemoth of a man, like the Mountain from Game of Thrones, about seven foot, 350 pounds guy wearing the Righteous Brand silver and red armor, gets up onto the stage (heavy steps). Clean-shaven, except for this perpetual five o'clock shadow that doesn't seem to leave his square jaw, his hair is trimmed super short and you see the receding hairline curling back into a widow's peak. Sits on the table, puts his arm out there and you can see the huntsman, Kendall, for the first time, lose his cool. You watch as the two of them grasp together and they're going to being to roll off.

TRAVIS: Yes.

LAURA: What's going on?

SAM: Beau lost.

LAURA: Beau lost at arm wrestling?

MATT: You watch as the hands tighten and with that, Gunther begins to twist the arm, further down, further down. You can see, the huntsman character is starting to grimace.

TRAVIS: Come on, Gunther.

MATT: However, pushes it back in the center. Now they're currently neck and neck. Once again, Gunther pushes him back. And with that final hit. Wham! Kendall is taken out, like, (groaning). Grasps his hand and rubs his fingers, and darts off the stage, seemingly shamed in front of a crowd of people. Everyone's like, "Oh!" There's now probably about 30-40 people who watched that last match.

LAURA: Go Gunther!

ASHLEY: Which one did you do the arm wrestling with Beau?

TRAVIS: Have we met Gunther before? Is he human?

MATT: He looks human. He's just huge.

TALIESIN: You should take a shot at that.

ASHLEY: Are you going to take a shot at this, Fjord?

TRAVIS: (coughing) Me?

MARISHA: Yeah, you're stronger than me, right?

LAURA: You're very big and strong, Fjord!

SAM: No, he's really not.

TRAVIS: Yeah. You know.

TALIESIN: At the very least, you have a lot to prove.

LIAM: Caleb is going to sneak off while everybody is involved with this.

TRAVIS: It's not good to arm wrestle 30 minutes after eating a caramel apple.

MARISHA: Oh, I never heard that one before.

SAM: Yasha, you should do it. You're very strong.

LAURA: Mm-hmm. You had a candid apple. You should be fine.

ASHLEY: Extra strong? Because of the candied apple.

TRAVIS: Your rat diet.

ASHLEY: I mean, Beau is-- No, he didn't.

TRAVIS: No, I mean, from in your past.

ASHLEY: Oh.

TRAVIS: Good constitution. Yeah, come on. Let them know.

LAURA: Do it, Yasha!

ASHLEY: Are you doing any more of the wrestling with the arms?

MATT: Leopold is looking over the crowd, goes, "Would you like to try your hand at our finest warrior?"

ASHLEY: Sure.

MATT: "Come on up, Miss--"

ASHLEY: (whispers) Yasha.

MATT: "Miss (whispers) Yasha. (regular volume) Miss Yasha, our new--

(cheering)

MATT: The crowd begins to cheer as you step up onto the stage. Everyone begins to gather up around the space, filling in the outskirts. You can see all these faces looking up at you, bright-eyed and eager to either watch you get destroyed or destroy. Gunther, who is currently standing with his arms crossed sees you approach. He's a good, over a foot taller than you, and looks down as you walk towards the table. "Hmm. All right."

ASHLEY: Hello.

MATT: "Hello." Sits down, puts his elbow on the table with a heavy slam.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Grasps you. Both your arms--

LAURA: (yelling) Use your feminine wiles!

TALIESIN: Oh, I wouldn't-- Oh.

ASHLEY: I shake my hair a little.

TRAVIS: Yasha, don't hold back.

MATT: He's taking a moment and looking you over, like he's studying something.

ASHLEY: I try not to make eye contact.

MATT: He's trying to make eye contact. Moving around.

ASHLEY: I'm looking down and putting my hair down. Away.

LAURA: (yelling) Her hair's so beautiful. Woo!

SAM: I don't think that's helping.

TRAVIS: Don't look at him.

SAM: It's not a beauty contest.

MATT: As Leopold is talking up this whole this whole, "All right, come watch now! Here is our finest--" and it fades away in the background as Gunther, who's leaning forward now, says "Interesting styling. I've seen it before."

ASHLEY: What do you mean?

MATT: "You're not from around here are you?"

ASHLEY: Well, neither are you. What does that have to do with anything?

MATT: "Nothing. Just an observation. I've been on the front lines long enough." With that, Leopold walks up and goes "Three, two--" Make a strength check with advantage, because he wasn't expecting it.

(cheering)

ASHLEY: Natural 20.

(cheering)

MATT: Natural 20. No joke. No joke. Right there.

SAM: Dueling natural 20s? Their arms rip off. Blood is everywhere.

LIAM: Fist of the North Star!

MATT: Beautiful. Beautiful. Mwah.

ASHLEY: This was thanks to Gil. Shit! What does that mean?

MATT: As soon as you do that, he catches it, you both are caught in the center here, tensing up. The whole crowd goes "Ooh!" Everything gets really tense and quiet as you're both flexing. At this point now, you do make eye contact. As the anger is built up inside you. Make another strength check.

ASHLEY: Fuck.

TRAVIS: Are you still raging?

SAM: Oh, yeah.

MATT: Well, she hasn't raged yet.

ASHLEY: Can I rage? I don't know if I can do that.

MATT: Not on this roll you can't, because you already rolled for it. Next time you can.

ASHLEY: Okay. I'll do it on the next one. Okay. Seven.

MATT: Seven. You feel yourself giving way, your arm going further back towards the table. You see this grin across his face. His breath smells of mildewed bread and alcohol. It wafts past your nose. Roll a strength check.

SAM: Matt, may I cast Message and send a message to Gunther?

MATT: Gunther, yeah.

SAM: I'm going to quickly say; Kendall is getting to second base with your wife right now! Do not respond to this message!

MATT: You get to roll another strength check with advantage.

ASHLEY: Okay. How far away is everybody from us?

MATT: They're down like two and a half, three feet, because you guys are on a raised platform. They're about five feet from you.

ASHLEY: Oh shit. Okay. Never mind.

SAM: Oh shit.

LAURA: With advantage!

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

TALIESIN: You get to roll again.

MATT: Because you are raging.

ASHLEY: 21.

MATT: As he's pushing you down towards the table, you muster up another breath of strength from inside. With that, you push him back to the center. You're both at even keel. Roll again.

ASHLEY: With advantage?

MATT: With advantage.

ASHLEY: This is very stressful. Okay. 21.

MATT: (grunt) He starts giving ground, the sweat now beading across his forehead. His nostrils are flaring. That horrible smell of his breath is coming in bigger and more constant waves as he starts to (grunt). He looks up from his grip, up into your eyes once more. Roll again.

SAM and LAURA: Finish him!

ASHLEY: Okay. Oh shit. I can't do math right now because I'm stressed. 14.

MATT: 14. He slowly brings you back up to the center. Roll again. The crowd, each time the shift happens, the crowd is like, "Ooh! Ah! Oh god!"

ASHLEY: Shit! Ten.

MATT: You're losing ground. You're losing ground! Roll again.

ASHLEY: No! 14.

MATT: 14? (grunt) He rolled a seven plus five. Right up at the center. Roll again! The crowd is going wild right now.

ASHLEY: Oh no.

MATT: Leopold's like leaning in now, watching this happen.

MARISHA and LAURA: (chanting) Yasha! Yasha!

ASHLEY: 17.

MATT: (grunt) Pushing him back. Roll again!

MATT: This is going back and forth, back and forth. (laughter)

LIAM: Put him in the body bag!

MARISHA: Give him the chair!

ASHLEY: Okay.

LIAM and LAURA: Advantage!

ASHLEY: 22.

MATT: 22. He pushes you right back in the center. Rolled an 18. You guys are right there again. At the fulcrum point. The crowd is starting to go completely breathless at this point. It's back and forth. Roll again.

LAURA: One of them is going to have exhaustion soon, I know it!

MATT: He's starting to breathe really heavy.

ASHLEY: 21.

MATT: 21. You push him back again. You can see now, the muscles are straining and popping, the veins are bulging. His breaths are getting heavier, his shoulder is looking like it's almost dislodging as he's using his torso to push against it. Roll once more.

SAM: Jester! Should I shoot him?.

LAURA: (yelling) No! No! No! Rip his arm off, Yasha! Don't shoot him!

ASHLEY: Okay. 19.

MATT: (gunt) (bang of arm against table)

(cheering)

MATT: He immediately stands up and starts shaking his arm at that point. ASHLEY: Immediately when I slam him, I get up and walk off.

(cheering)

MATT: Leopold goes, "Amazing show. Yasha!" and he runs up behind you and catches up to you. As you step off the stage, he steps off with you. Goes "I'm sorry to bother you, Yasha. That was an incredible-- Have you any interest in all at joining the ranks of the Righteous Brand?"

ASHLEY: No.

MATT: "Oh. Well, think about it." He goes into the small satchel and pulls out at rolled piece of paper, and says "It's a fantastic thing you would do for the Empire if everyone here-- You look like a fine soldier and based on your skills up there you'd be a great help on the front line."

ASHLEY: Oh. I don't. Okay. I will take this with me. I don't like groups of people working together for a cause. I will take it with me. I walk away.

LAURA: Did she win anything? Did she get a prize?

MATT: Strangely enough, there is no prize for this. There is no buy-in. It's merely for the bragging rights of the presentation. It's a presentory--

LAURA: (yelling) Lame!

TRAVIS: Wow.

MARISHA: Hey Yasha, check it out, I got one too. It's a really shitty prize, though.

ASHLEY: What does it-- did you look at it yet?

MARISHA: No.

LAURA: I bet yours says, "Please don't ever contact us again."

MARISHA: Oh, what dicks!

MATT: No, it talks about--

ASHLEY: Can you read it for me?

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: It says--

MATT: As you read it--

(laughter)

SAM: No, I think this is for Marisha.

LIAM: Do that, speak at the same time-- hear ye hear ye.

MATT: No. It speaks of the Righteous Brand and talks about all of the wonderful possibilities for glory. It's housing and gear provided, it's working in a good teamwork environment to protect the people of the Empire. It had opportunities to rise through the ranks and to become--

MARISHA: It's propaganda.

MATT: It talks about-- it pays one gold a day at start, with possibility of raises from there. The training is in Bladegarden and after a period of training there, it's three years minimum service in the military and then you can decide to stay or not. It goes into a small print and says like "desertion is illegal and brings imprisonment and fines."

MARISHA: Oh.

TRAVIS: The ushe.

LAURA: A gold a day, that's pretty good. Right? Is it?

MARISHA: I mean, if you're only training, they send you to the frontline and it's questionable.

TALIESIN: I think I've literally made 200 gold since we've met, minimum, at this point. It's been like a week.

LAURA: I mean, we've been making a good amount.

ASHLEY: Nott, do you want mine? Just in case, if you want to join?

SAM: I'll take it.

MATT: As you guys are having this conversation there's a voice from the side that goes, "That was quite an amazing display, if I say so myself." As you turn and look you see there's a gentleman there who's tall, a little over six foot, very-- *a* gentleman, not *the* Gentleman.

LAURA: No, that's not what I was going for, I wanted to know what he looks like.

MATT: He's a very strong looking human male with ruddy, tan skin and long, jet black hair that's braided in a single thick braid that goes past his waist in the back. He's dressed in partial scalemail across the chest and part of the shoulders, a dull iron color to it that's over his chest. You see a heavy waistband of dull gray leather that's like a thick, almost a foot thick piece around there and a rough-looking warhammer that's strapped to his side and he has his arms crossed and smiling widely at you with a very welcoming smile. "That was impressive. That guy you just destroyed up there? He's kind of a douche."

ASHLEY: I could tell.

MATT: "What's your purpose here? Are you looking for work?"

ASHLEY: Me or--?

MATT: "Yes, you."

ASHLEY: I mean, it depends on what kind of work, I guess.

MATT: "Well, mercenary work, of course."

ASHLEY: Oh, well yeah.

MATT: "All right, well, first off, my name is Darrow."

ASHLEY: Hello Darrow.

MATT: "What's your name? Yasha, you said?"

ASHLEY: My name is Yasha.

MATT: "All right, pleasure to meet you. Well, I am the de facto leader of a mercenary band known as the Stubborn Stock. We're out of Guar on the Menagerie Coast, but we've been hired for about a seven month stint so far by the Empire and it's been paying pretty well. We've had some pretty good scenarios here. The retainer's been nice and honestly, it's not bad to be paid to sit around in case they need us."

ASHLEY: What kind of work? It's just going out and killing things?

MATT: "Well, when they need us. To kill things, to hunt things down. There's a lot of business that they can't bring the military to and the Crownsguard stay in the cities so they send us out and about. That's only if they need us."

ASHLEY: It's no contract? You can come and go as you please if you like?

MATT: "Well, it's contract. You have to be there for their disposal. We're stationed up in Nogvurot and have been for the length of this contract, but we were able to come down for this celebration and it's been not too bad. It's good wage, sit around, occasionally hunt down some criminal Xhorhasian terror that's come down from the mountains. It's a pretty decent living if I say so myself and you look like a very capable soldier if I say, again."

ASHLEY: Yeah. Yeah, you can say so.

MATT: "Sure. Would you be interested?"

ASHLEY: Maybe. I don't know. Do you have like a pamphlet or something?

MATT: (laughter) "We have no pamphlet. My band of esteemed warriors are planning to be in the Victory Pit later this afternoon."

LAURA: (gasps) The Victory Pit!

MATT: "We could very much use an additional soldier of your capability."

ASHLEY: We were actually thinking of going that way.

TRAVIS: I'm afraid she's spoken for.

MATT: He turns and looks and seemingly for the first time notices the rest of your group. Goes like "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I mean no disrespect-- hi-- but I do not understand that. I do not wish to step on any toes here, it was merely a curiosity. What are you called?"

LAURA: The Mighty Nein.

SAM: To travel incognito, but--

LAURA: Just kidding.

ASHLEY: The Mighty Nein.

MATT: "The Mighty Nein. Very good."

MARISHA: We're Yasha's booker. It's like her agency.

ASHLEY: They're all actually very, very strong and very tough. So--

SAM: Yeah! I won this doll before!

MATT: He looks like-- "That's impressive. That's a good find. Good on you. You know who that's supposed to be?"

SAM: The king or something?

MATT: "I was going to say a tiny asshole. One and the same, really."

LAURA: Wait, I heard you say you were from Nogvurot, yes?

MATT: "Well, we're stationed in Nogvurot, but we're from a ways further than that."

LAURA: Did you notice any of the kids that were missing up there?

MATT: (sighs) "That has been an occasional problem, yes. We had been sent to investigate two of those instances and in all of them it seemed to be that they were stolen-- I'm sorry, I do not know how much I can discuss of these with you--"

LAURA: Oh! We're really good at keeping secrets!

MATT: Make a general charisma check. Just to see if he trusts your face.

TRAVIS: Oh boy. Do I trust your face?

LAURA: Well let's general charisma check-- oh, that would be a natural one there.

TRAVIS: Yeah! All right!

MATT: "We've looked into it. Do not worry. You know, we'll see how the contract goes. I do not know how much luck we'll have. It's kind of a dire situation."

LAURA: Is that what you're being paid for up there?

MATT: "One of many things."

LAURA: Wow.

ASHLEY: You said you've been fighting on the frontlines of Xhorhas, or--

MATT: "Well not yet. Not yet. Just the ones that come too close in. There's been a few excursions into the Empire itself and that's why we're hired. They're basically bringing everyone they can on hand to help keep the home fort defended."

ASHLEY: What are you fighting, if I may ask?

MATT: "What am I fighting? Right now?"

ASHLEY: Well, in Xhorhas. If you go out there.

MATT: "Oh, we haven't been to Xhorhas yet."

ASHLEY: You haven't been to Xhorhas.

MATT: "They've kept us in the Empire so far."

ASHLEY: They've kept you in the Empire.

MATT: "Yeah. They keep the army on the eastern side, but we're meant to find things that the army can't be bothered to do."

ASHLEY: I understand.

TRAVIS: You've fought in this Victory Pit before?

MATT: "No, actually. We've only really been in the Empire for the first time this past half year and I've heard things about it and you know, thinking we'd come and try it. They gave us a week off to come down here to Zadash and me and my friends are going to take our best attempt at this."

LAURA: How many people are in your group?

MATT: "Oh, well within our person-- including myself, a grand total of six mighty warriors."

LAURA: Whoa.

MARISHA: All six of you fight?

MATT: "All six of us are of different techniques, yes."

LAURA: What kind of techniques just in case we, you know, we have to fight you.

MATT: (laughter) "I'm not going to tell you. It's not that kind of tournament. Anyway, I do not mean to be a problem. If ever you change your mind--"

MARISHA: Is it the Gauntlet? Yeah, I know, what is it?

LAURA: We have to go to go sign up for this.

MATT: He pulls out a coin that's a little larger than a piece of copper and goes "Just ask around." He tosses it to you and you take it. It looks like a small copper platter, coin-ish in its design and on it is printed the name of his group, the Stubborn Stock.

SAM: They've got business cards? That is so cool.

LAURA: We need to get coins.

MARISHA: We need coins, yeah.

LIAM: We need something.

ASHLEY: How do I-- what? Do I show it around or--?

MATT: "Well, look for any place in a city where we might be or might not be and see if you've heard of us in the vicinity. If they know where we are, they'll bring you to us. If they don't, they will not."

LAURA: Where did you get those coins?

MATT: "One of our fellows makes them."

LAURA: You have a blacksmith in the thing?!

MATT: "Loosely." He takes it and shows it off. It's not made that well. He goes, "It's functional more than it's beautiful."

ASHLEY: I think it's great, you know.

MATT: "I appreciate that."

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: "All right, anyway. We have to go prepare for this tournament. If you're standing around, please come cheer us on. That would be fantastic."

LAURA: We need to go sign up for the tournament.

SAM: Absolutely, right now.

MATT: "A pleasure to meet you, Mighty Nein!"

LAURA: You too, Darrow!

MATT: He heads off, back towards the Victory Pit.

MARISHA: Which we awkwardly go in the same direction. It's like when you say bye and then "Oh, are we--? Okay, we wait 30 seconds. One, two--"

SAM: While we're waiting, can I just say, why did we not think about branding? We should have coins, cards, you should be writing a big nine on a wall wherever we go! Like everywhere, just tagging it, just everywhere!

LAURA: Why a nine though?

SAM: Because we're the Mighty Nein.

LAURA: I thought the nine meant that--

SAM: I know! They don't know that. When you say it out loud, it's much easier that our symbol is the number nine, don't you think?

TALIESIN: I think that if I saw lots of random nines around the city I don't think I'd know what that was connected to.

SAM: If you *did* know then you would be one of the cool kids.

MARISHA: If we draw random mimes?

LAURA: I'm going to start practicing making a cool logo for us in my sketchbook.

LIAM: I am on an errand.

MATT: What errand are you on?

LIAM: Oh, well, I'll wait until they wind down, perhaps.

SAM: That could be awhile.

LIAM: It could be a while. Well, back at the Righteous Brand when I snuck out, would it be possible for me to find an alleyway or somewhere secluded so I can cast Disguise Self on myself? Around myself, not as myself.

MATT: Yeah, a short jaunt. Not too hard to find a darkened corner where you can do it.

LIAM: Yeah, okay. Then I would like to look exactly like I do; however, the clothing that I'm wearing is a shade of blue that is similar, but not identical, to the robes that I have seen people from the library of the Cobalt Soul. A similar blue and very large coke bottle glasses. My eyes go all fish-eyed. Everything else is the same.

MATT: Okay. Easy enough to do.

LIAM: I would like to find one of those people who was dressed like they came from that library that I saw that day with Beauregard.

MATT: Okay. Make an investigation check as you begin to pore through the crowd doing this. You guys have noticed that Caleb's been gone for a little bit.

LIAM: It's investigation you said?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: It's a 24.

MATT: Wow, yeah. Within in a very short time, asking a few questions and looking through part of the crowd, one of them points over to the edge of the Pentamarket on the northern side and over in that direction there are two of the robe wearing individuals. One of the monks that works within the archive itself and one looks to be wearing higher up robes. You're not sure what that means or what the ranking is within the Cobalt Soul.

LIAM: I would like to approach them.

MATT: All right, as you approach--

LIAM: Yeah. Excuse me! I'm sorry. May I trouble you for a moment? I know this is untoward in the middle of a festival.

MATT: The one that's in the nicer dress you can see is apparently an elven woman. You see these kinds of long strands of blond, almost silver hair that goes in front of the ears and the rest of the hair falls past the shoulders. Beautiful, natural, no makeup. Even for elven standards, you can see a little bit of age. This is an older elf in comparison to a lot of the brighter faces that turns to you. "Of course, what can we help you with?"

LIAM: Oh, yeah. Again, I am very sorry. I am a traveling writer. I am writing a history of the great cities of the Empire and I have heard wonderful things about the library that is under your stead and I don't know-- I have viewed it from the outside, it is a beautiful structure, but I don't know what it entails to visit it. I was wondering, do you allow outsiders? I don't know if it costs a fee or if you need some sort of letter of recommendation, but I am very eager to learn about the library itself and the city and everything that I can learn about it so I can write more extensive-- it would just mean so much to me.

MATT: Make a deception check.

LIAM: It's all true, though.

MATT: Well.

LIAM: (laughter) It is a 13.

MATT: A 13? Okay. "Well, of course. It is open to the public. You're required to come when there is an available monk to escort you through the premises. Of course, you cannot take anything from the archive itself, but you're welcome to read while in the presence of one of our various monks and/or worshippers of the Knowing Mistress."

LIAM: The entire library?

MATT: "Well, the public portions of it, yes."

LIAM: Oh, of course.

MATT: "Yes. Just need to come on a day in which the archive is open and available, sign in, and you will be assigned one of our various attendees of the archive and you will have your run of the public library of which to read and make notes of. You may take your own copy of notes, but once, of course, it is only within the public space."

LIAM: It is far simpler than I had imagined.

MATT: "Yeah. Well, I'm glad you asked."

LIAM: Thank you so much. Forgive me, this is forward. What is your name?

MATT: "I'm Jennah. Archivist Jennah."

LIAM: It is a pleasure. This is a different subject almost entirely, but I was wondering, I mean to make a stop at all the great libraries of this city. I was wondering, is it a similar situation at the Hall of Erudition?

MATT: "They are a little different. They maintain their knowledge for those who are actually there as part of the curriculum. You'll have to speak to the headmaster as well. They have, from what we know, as we are not allowed either, quite a decent cache of arcane knowledge as well. There has been some sharing, but they are particular."

LIAM: What was the headmaster's name?

MATT: "That would be Ornit, I believe." Let me double check here so I don't say it wrong. No, that is, no "Oremid Hass."

LIAM: Omeid Hass.

MATT: "Yes."

LIAM: Omid Haas is running the Halls of Erudition?

MATT: "Yes."

LIAM: Okay. Apropos of nothing, I have heard about this tower attack. That's terrible.

MATT: "Yes, that was a bit disconcerting, definitely. Thankfully, it is a well defended tower. The Zauber Spire has stood for quite some time and has its capabilities defending itself as we've seen."

LIAM: I'm amazed it did not fall.

MATT: "Well, you should ask them how they did that. You'll know as to why they're so secretive."

LIAM: Do they accept-- oh, no, they don't accept visitors there.

MATT: "Well, I don't know. We always go on specific business, so you can certainly inquire. I haven't attempted to go from the standpoint of a possible student, but you could ask."

LIAM: Well, I have taken up enough of your time.

MATT: "That is all right."

LIAM: I'd like to say thank you. Have a wonderful festival.

MATT: "Of course. You as well. Happy Harvest Close."

LIAM: I turn a corner and fucking book it.

MATT: As you return to the rest of the group, you guys are met by a strangely adorned Caleb with an interesting ensemble.

LAURA: Got some new specs there.

LIAM: What do you mean?

ASHLEY: What did you just get up to?

MARISHA: New robes, too.

LIAM: I was sightseeing.

TRAVIS: Oh.

LAURA: Do you need those and we never knew?

LIAM: Where are we right now?

MATT: You guys are on the outside of the Victory Pit. The crowds are starting to swarm into a central archway that's open.

LIAM: Are they all around us or are we off to the side?

MATT: Right now you are in part of the crowd as the people are rushing past.

LIAM: Okay, so I lean down to tie my shoe and let the cloak fall around me, and I get down between Yasha and Fjord, and when I come up everything is back to normal.

LAURA: Your glasses fell off when you were bent over.

LIAM: It gives me a headache, so I took them off.

TRAVIS: Where were you at?

LIAM: Exactly what I was saying. I was sightseeing, I was asking about their libraries of the city.

TRAVIS: Lots of them around here?

LIAM: Not so many.

MARISHA: Cobalt's a good color on you.

LIAM: What?

MARISHA: You look good in blue.

LIAM: (sniffs)

TRAVIS: Okay, shall we go into the Victory Pit?

LAURA: Yeah, let's sign up!

MATT: You guys gather your strength, your interest, your nerve. You go in with the rest of the crowd that is now beginning to gather towards the front end of the Victory Pit. As you step towards the central archway into the shaded interior of the main entryway, we're going to take a break! We'll be back here in a few minutes to pick up to this tournament and all that it entails.

SAM: Aw, man. What a festival!

LAURA: What a festival!

MATT: Tonight as part of our Wyrmwood giveaway, we have a bocote tabletop dice tray from our friends at Wyrmwood. Very fancy leather interior, it's very pretty.

LAURA: Aren't those the same kind--

MATT: That is, actually yes. You can have Jester's dice box, kind of. Tonight, the keyword is "celebration." If you'd like to, come into the Twitch chat and enter the word "celebration" to become part of the drawing, as long as you are in the US and Canada outside of Quebec, otherwise you cannot enter. I am very sorry, laws are weird. Enter it only once. Any more than that and you may be disqualified. We will come back at the end of a break with a winner to be announced. Until then, we'll see you guys here in a few minutes.

Break
(break)

Part II
MATT: You guys are so slow on the draw tonight. Welcome back, everybody. Before we get kicked back in, we have our winner of the Wyrmwood giveaway tonight which is mumbly_joe1212. Congratulations! Danoba will get your information if he hasn't already, and we'll get that shipped out to you. Congrats. Diving back in, folks. You have muscled your way through the crowd, making your way into the shaded interior of the front portion, the receiving chamber of the Victory Pit, this two-leveled circular forum-like structure in the center of the Pentamarket. You push in the crowd, and people are starting to find each other and push away to find seats into some of the openings that lead off to the sides in the center. There is a pedestal with a barker or an organizer up there in a long dark gray and brown set of robes, a human male in his late 50s who's fighting his own age and losing. The comb-over thinning hair and a broom-like gray mustache that's poorly colored with dark wax. He's shouting out to the crowd, he says, "Please enter slowly, the event begins shortly in the next few hours. Would you push aside-- (muttering) Yes, right! This way, please, but go evenly!" He's pushing off two different directions. What are you guys doing?

LAURA: Should we go in, then? Yes?

TALIESIN: Oh, I think we are.

LAURA: Is this where we go if we're going to fight?

MATT: "I'm sorry? The fights will be soon."

LAURA: How do we be one of the fights?

TRAVIS: Yeah, we'd like to enroll in the competition.

MATT: "Oh, you wish to enter?"

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: "Oh, entry may have already been closed."

LAURA: Oh no, we're real good! You definitely want us to be in this. We put on a real good show!

MATT: "Let me ask." He turns around and steps off of his pedestal and heads to this wooden door. It's about ten feet behind and he shoves through, closes behind him and slams. A few moments pass and people begin filtering through still, pushing past you and bumping you in the shoulders.

MARISHA: Hey, what do you think that dude meant when he said it wasn't like a normal fight?

LAURA: I don't know. I wonder how experienced these fighters are? Do you think it's stupid that we're signing up for it without knowing much?

SAM: Yes, very.

LIAM: I'm also curious. Is it a bare-knuckles thing, or is no-holds-barred do whatever you want?

MARISHA: Maybe it's an obstacle course, you know, Ninja Warrior style.

TRAVIS: Maybe it's like a cook-off.

TALIESIN: I'd be all right with that.

LAURA: A cook-off, that is true. It could be.

MARISHA: Maybe we all sit around and talk about our feelings.

LAURA: Fjord, you're really good at making chili.

MATT: The door opens again across the way as you guys are having this conversation, and the gentleman comes out again and goes, "Quickly, follow me."

LAURA: Yes yes yes!

MATT: You guys make your way through the crowd and follow him into this back chamber. You enter with him. There's a slight hallway that leads into a low-lit lounge with comfortable furniture with cushions, there's some firelight, a few torches set up in the chamber. There is a window across the way that looks out into the open of the Victory Pit's main battle area. You can see servants wandering in similar brown silks and robes as the barker, but they're carrying trays of food. You see guests in expensive clothing that dot the distant walls and areas of the chamber sitting atop these cushioned couches and talking in low voices to each other, broken with the occasional laugh. The older gentleman ushers you over and waves in the distance as a figure begins to approach. This is another human man in probably his early 60s or so, who has graying hair that is slicked back and even further thinned than the gentleman who first met you on the way in, who has a very well groomed goatee that comes to an accentuated curve up underneath in the front. He's wearing a finely tailored dark blue festival suit.

MARISHA: Ooh, styling!

MATT: The barker says, "These are the ones who--" and the older guy goes, "Ah! It's far too late in the day. We couldn't muster a-- Very well. I am Yadaka Brigman, Guildhead of the Filigree House and organizer of this harvest tournament. Who are you, and have you the coin to enter?"

TRAVIS: Well, of course. We are the illustrious Mighty Nein. Servants of Zadash.

MATT: "The Mighty Nein. Where are you from, Mighty Nein?"

TRAVIS: All parts.

LAURA: All over. Everywhere and nowhere.

LIAM: DM, could you say that crazy-ass name again?

MATT: Yadaka Brigman. "You are from everywhere."

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: "You will be announced as from everywhere."

LAURA: That's good. We are from lots of places, after all.

MARISHA: Yeah, makes us feel very worldly.

MATT: "That's all right if that is what you require. All right! Well, we've warriors from around the Marrow Valley come to compete today, many of which who'll have been on the front lines of the eastern wastes. Are you still eager to lose your coin and risk your life?"

TRAVIS: I forget. Refresh my memory about what the fee is for entering this contest.

MATT: "20 gold pieces *per* fighter. Groups of five to eight are allowed to enter. There are three rounds to this tournament."

LAURA: We'll have to leave one of our members--

SAM: That's true.

MARISHA: Poor Stan.

MATT: "Each victory is 200 gold to be dispersed amongst your group and the winners that remain at the end split a 2,000 gold purse."

TRAVIS: Yeah, I believe that entry fee is along the lines of what I remember.

MARISHA: Yeah, that seems standard.

TRAVIS: 20 gold will be fine.

LAURA: Are there rules or are we just allowed to use whatever we come into the tournament with?

MATT: "Whatever you bring in there is at your disposal to utilize. With your group that would make four who have signed up for the tournament today. You will brought down to the waiting/holding area and each group will be brought into the Victory Pit to face off with the chosen peril."

MARISHA: Wait, how did you get four?

SAM: Four *groups*.

MATT: "Four *groups*. You are the fourth to have signed up"

LAURA: Only three measly other groups?

ASHLEY: What are we fighting? Are we fighting the other groups, or are we fighting something--

MATT: "Of course not! You're fighting a number of creatures that have been acquired and kept for this tournament. Beasts and things that have been either found wandering over the ranges of Xhorhas or have terrorized the local countryside and have been brought to us by the Righteous Brand for this sort of tournament."

SAM: Are there frightening beasts? Big beasts? Magical beasts?

TRAVIS: We know there are. I mean, that's what we're looking for, right?

MATT: "There may very well be, young lass."

SAM: Then why are we doing this?

MATT: "Good question."

TRAVIS: Our friends, the Stubborn Stock, said that this was the thing to do for people of our mettle.

SAM: We're going to fight dangerous monsters.

TRAVIS: Could you tell us who the other two groups are, besides ourselves and the Stubborn Stock?

MATT: "Well, do you wish to join?"

TRAVIS: Of course, yeah.

MATT: "Then present your coin. What is your name?"

TRAVIS: Fjord. Here, 20 gold.

MARISHA: Beauregard.

LIAM: Caleb. Beauregard, can you front me 16 gold?

MARISHA: (sighs)

LIAM: There's four more for you.

MARISHA: His name is Caleb and Beauregard, I want that clear and on the record. It's Caleb and Beauregard.

LIAM: Yeah, and Beauregard is the family name.

SAM: Kylre.

LAURA: Fancypants. 20 gold. There you are.

MATT: "Very well."

TALIESIN: Mollymauk.

ASHLEY: Yasha.

MATT: "Thank you. We've managed to squeeze you in at the last moment. The rules are as such. Each team will face off with one of these encounters we've developed for this tournament, continuing on if victorious to face another, until the other teams fall, you fall, or the third round is completed. Should there be more than one victory team at the end you will divide the purse amongst you. However, these will increase in difficulty the further you remain. You will not be allowed but the time it takes for the other teams to battle before you face once more. Previous years have shown us no more than maybe 20 minutes. Whatever you have in each round is what you go in with. Use your time wisely. All of this will be displayed in front of the Starosta, the appointees of the Crown, and the elite of the Tri-Spires. Money and glory is here before you."

LAURA: What happens if somebody in one of the other groups dies or something when fighting the creatures?

MATT: "We have clerics on hand, and outside of extenuating circumstances, we've only had one true fatality in the past 20 years of running this festival, so you should be all right."

LAURA: Good to know.

TRAVIS: For the other groups.

LAURA: For the other groups, yes.

MATT: At this point, there's a bit of commotion at the front entrance where you guys entered where you see a figure rush in, a young human man. He's sweating, longer, blond hair past his ears. He's wearing a very bright gold and red outfit and is carrying a satchel over one shoulder as he rushes in and talks to somebody. He points over in the direction and heads up to where your group is. Yadaka goes, "I'm terribly sorry. Page!" The page looks up. "What business have you from the Crown?" Looking over his attire, the page goes, "(breathing heavily) I must speak with the Starosta immediately under order from King Bertrand Dwendal himself." Yadaka goes, "Right. Come with me. I apologize. You'll have to give us just a moment." He turns around, "Urgent matters. Enjoy some feasting while you're here." Him and the page walk maybe 20 feet from you to a corner where you can see there is a central couch there where a few figures are sitting, and they rush up."

LIAM: Kitty.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: All right, so you roll a stealth check for your cat.

(laughter)

LAURA: Cat butt right in their face.

MARISHA: Yeah, just sprays them!

MATT: As your cat begins to approach, one of the servants goes, "You can't be in here," and-- (laughter) Not everyone's going to kick a cat into dust! Picks up Frumpkin and begins to bring Frumpkin away while the page begins gathering a breath and you now see a very well-dressed halfling with a curled mass of brown hair up top. It's graying and white on the sides, who sits up to meet with another important figure. Frumpkin has been pulled away."

LIAM: Where did my cat go?

MATT: Your cat is being held by a servant.

LIAM: The last I see of Frumpkin is where?

MATT: Being led back towards where you came, like taking the cat outside.

LIAM: Okay. I count to six and then I snap my fingers and pull him off of this plane.

MATT: Okay. Servant's probably confused. What're you guys doing?

LAURA: I guess I'm going to do some jumping jacks to prepare for this.

LIAM: I have a leather thong or a string wrapped a couple of times-- I'm going to ignore Laura Bailey-- wrapped around my thigh and I will grip it in my hand and say a few arcane words and cast Mage Armor and out from the leather strap around my leg, a light shimmer goes up over the entire body for a split second and is gone.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: I would much prefer if it was actually a leather thong that you had to put on in order to get the Mage Armor.

LIAM: You have not seen me without my clothes off yet.

MATT: There are the groups that are talking and eating, there's the page currently engaging with the folks and the figure, there's a couple of servants passing around trays of food. What are the rest of you doing? You have retrieved your Frumpkin into your space.

LAURA: How do we prepare for this, Fjord?

TRAVIS: Well, I have no idea what we're going to face.

SAM: Fighting monsters!

TRAVIS: We don't know that.

SAM: That's what the guy said! We're fighting monsters.

MATT: There's another clap and you see two other figures get pulled from the other side to join the conversation by the couch.

SAM: Should we go find out what's going on over there?

LAURA: I don't think we can.

SAM: I could sneaky-sneak over there and listen.

TRAVIS: Yeah, go for it.

MARISHA: Can you give her some blessing-type of situation?

LAURA: Oh yes (jibberish).

SAM: I will cast Silent Image and I'm going to go up to the corner, make the image of a three-foot by three-foot box around me.

MARISHA: You're going full Solid Snake here?

SAM: I'm going to just (quick footsteps).

LAURA: That's not noticeable at all.

MATT: Okay, make your stealth check with advantage.

TRAVIS: Amazing.

SAM: Stealth?

MATT: You get advantage because of her blessing.

SAM: Oh, wow. 19.

MATT: Okay. You saunter up at a relatively close distance. Make a perception check if you're trying to listen in.

SAM: Can I see through the box? Oh, it's a listening perception.

MATT: Well, the box is an illusion.

SAM: Four.

MATT: (laughter) Four.

TRAVIS: Fuck.

MATT: You catch bits and pieces. Okay, what you hear is the page hurriedly saying, "Witch skies now darken Brokenveil, over 1000 dead, the Ashguard Garrison is taken." You hear this conversation a bit hush to hush, and a little bit of (shushing). Starosta peeks in a bit. You only catch the next bit which goes, "What's the king's response?" Then you hear the page respond and say, "--formally declared war on Kryn Dynasty and the wastes of Xhorhas." There's some more muttering. You miss that. You miss that.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: (laughter) You miss that.

LIAM: Secret warp zone to level eight, miss that.

MATT: Yadaka pipes in and goes, "Starosta, to announce anything like that would set panic and change nothing. We are far from the fight. For now, let them have a day to rejoice. We'll announce tomorrow." You miss the next thing, you miss the next thing. The last thing you hear is the Starosta say, "I'll send word to General Grinbreaker and begin preparing her legion to move east. Tomorrow we'll notify the public, but page, return word to Rexxentrum that Zadash prepares to join the front. Now, go." The page turns and leaves.

SAM: (quick footsteps) Still in box form, I am going to go back up to them.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Hey guys, it's me. I'm in a box!

LAURA: Well, take it off.

SAM: No, it's not a real box. I'll stick my hand through it. I heard *everything*!

TRAVIS: What's going down?

SAM: There's an attack on Ashguard something.

LAURA: Oh! That's the garrison over by the--

SAM: Okay, thank you! The King said we're going to declare war on Xhorhas or something like that, I don't remember. Then there's 1000 dead! The skies were black--

LAURA: On our side or their side?

SAM: I don't know! Maybe ours? At the Garrison there was 1000 dead, so that's our side? Wait, no, we're not on sides! We don't like the Empire!

LAURA: I mean, who cares, right?

SAM: Anyway, but they wanted to declare war and they're not going to until tomorrow.

LAURA: Good thing we didn't join the army, huh?

SAM: Yes!

TALIESIN: What makes you think they're not going to start conscripting people tomorrow?

LAURA: Oh no! Maybe if you competed and they saw you were awesome, they're going to *tell* you you have to join.

SAM: We should throw the fight.

TALIESIN: Maybe we should win the fight, then maybe think about getting out of town?

TRAVIS: I agree with Molly.

MARISHA: Caleb, is there anything about this letter?

LIAM: Do I notice anything?

MATT: Which letter?

MARISHA: I don't know, I'm paranoid right now. It's just the scroll from the--

MATT: It's a pamphlet.

MARISHA: I don't know, ignore what I just said.

TALIESIN: Made it at Kinko's.

TRAVIS: Are there crownsguard in the little waiting area that we're in?

MATT: There are at the entrance where you came in and each side.

TRAVIS: Can I make my way to one that's over by the entrance?

MATT: Okay. You back up towards where you guys came in, and there's a crownsguard there, arms crossed, looking up.

TRAVIS: Man, I cannot wait to see this year's Victory Pit competition! I hear the beasts are heartier than they were last year.

MATT: "I certainly hope so. It's going to be a lot of fun to watch."

TRAVIS: Which one is your favorite so far?

MATT: "Oh, which one?"

TRAVIS: The beast they selected this year.

MATT: "Well, I haven't seen them. They keep those under wraps. It's part of the surprise."

TRAVIS: Really?

MATT: "Yeah!"

TRAVIS: Man, I heard you guys were more informed than that.

MATT: (laughter) "Not us, that's above our pay grade."

TRAVIS: Really? Sheesh. What do you got to do to get duty like that?

MATT: "Well, you probably have to go to the King's Hall and sign up for the Crownsguard. Kiss ass for a few years and maybe then."

TRAVIS: Where do the handlers of those beasts stay around here?

MATT: "I don't know. That's, once again, outside of my jurisdiction. They keep a lot of things separate intentionally."

TRAVIS: Fair enough. You feel like dropping a coin on a team, remember The Mighty Nein.

MATT: "Right. Appreciate that, friend."

TRAVIS: I walk away.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: That was good. That was very good.

LIAM: It occurs to me that starting tomorrow, it would be more important than ever that we stick together.

LAURA: All of us, or just you and Nott?

LIAM: All of us.

MARISHA: Jester, high-five.

MATT: At this point, the barker who met you originally says, "Sorry to bother you, but they're gathering the various teams down into the holding area. I'll have to escort you. Please come with me."

MARISHA: As we walk off, I hold Caleb and walk behind a little bit. What did you hear at the Cobalt Soul?

LIAM: What?

MARISHA: You were trying to get into the Cobalt Soul, right?

LIAM: Yeah, I talked to some people from there, yeah.

MARISHA: You replicated robes from the Cobalt Soul, right? That's what you were going for.

LIAM: Actually, it was not the exact same color. It was a similar color, but not the same color.

MARISHA: Yeah, that was a nice little error on your part. You got real close. I can tell that you were trying to get the dyes. You know, the gradients.

LIAM: Beauregard, is there something that you are after here?

MARISHA: Did you hear anything?

LIAM: Nothing pertaining to what we have just learned. If that is what you are looking for, no. I want to enter that library, although tomorrow, anything goes. I don't know.

MARISHA: I'll get you into the library if you want.

LIAM: How will you get me into the library?

MARISHA: I pull back my belt a little bit and show him the rest of the script written out on the back of my belt from the Cobalt Reserve.

LIAM: Would I instantly recognize that as the same as the people I spoke to?

MATT: As far as the--

MARISHA: On my trainer's belt on the back.

SAM: Do you have a tramp stamp back there?

MARISHA: No, it's on my belt. Fancy embroidery on the inside of my belt.

MATT: Right. You look at it and there is similar design to some of the outfits and the--

LIAM: I mean, there's probably enough to go on here. She's also dressed in blue. She's basically going--

MATT: Right. You pick up on it.

LIAM: Well, if we're not all dead in 48 hours, maybe we can talk about that again.

MARISHA: Yeah. Don't look at me like that! You can look at me, just don't look at me like *that*! You're not going to look at me now, are you? Okay. It's fine. You know what, we'll talk about it tomorrow.

MATT: You guys are continuing to be escorted down past. Most everyone has filtered into their seats. There's still stragglers finding their way in, and as the day's sun is getting further into the mid-afternoon, you guys are brought down to an area that is similar to that lounge area, but far less in its decor and comfort. This chamber has two windowed doors on the opposite side that are cut through windows that lead into the central arena. You can smell the dust on the opposite side. The interior is outfitted with about three dozen simple stools that are scattered about, a few tables with cornucopias of fruits and meats that are set, and a few folks you see are feasting on them. There are two stationed healers of the Platinum House of Bahamut, the Platinum Dragon. They are the ones stationed there to prevent folks from dying and the other combatants. In one corner, there are five soldiers of the Righteous Brand, one of which is Gunther, who are in the process of taking large handfuls of food and eating and giving themselves some energy for battle. As soon as you enter, they glance over and give a bit of a nod of notification. They're looking straight to you, grabs an apple of some kind, and throws it at you. "Eat. You'll need it."

ASHLEY: Thank you.

LAURA: (whispers) He's got a crush on you, I can tell.

MARISHA: (whispers) Don't let him tell you what to do!

SAM: I'm in a box!

(laughter)

LAURA: We have a little box traveling with us.

LIAM: I drop a little bit of spell component through the box.

MATT: It looks like amongst them there is one acting as leader, or at least is in the process of discussing tactics among the small troupe, though you can't hear exactly what he is saying. An elven man with short brown hair, and these sky blue piercing eyes who is in the process of giving orders to them. Then he walks off to the side, pulls a blade out and begins practicing. It's this very elegant, almost dance-like blade technique. On the opposite side of the room to them, all leaning against the wall, you see five dwarves and two gnomes that are all wearing black and gold variations to armor, robes. They are avoiding all social engagements and staring, mad dogging everyone else in the chamber. As soon as you enter, all there eyes shift in your direction, and they watch you as you step into the chamber. In the center of them, you see a gray haired dwarven women, weathered skin and a surly grin as you approach, gleaming these yellow teeth from beneath, who gives a bit of a squinted stare at you as you pass by. You see two battleaxes resting at the side of her belt, hanging off of her armor.

MARISHA: Is she her own team?

MATT: Then over by the doors, snacking and looking out the window into the pit before you, you see a group of six individuals in scuffed armor of green and brown with weathered armor and skin that shows experience and travel. Markings and accessories gives you a sense of inland Menagerie Coast heritage, and there you see Darrow who you had met earlier in the tournament, who's leaning out the window. He turns around as you enter and goes, "Ah, so you indeed decided to join. Not too bad, I'm excited to see how well you do."

ASHLEY: Have you been in this tournament before?

MATT: "I have not, but I've been hearing about it. I'm excited to give it my all, as you say."

TRAVIS: What are you going to do about the flying creatures?

MATT: "That's a good question. I imagine that's less of my worry, and more of theirs." He points out to the rest of the people in the stands, and goes, "I certainly hope they have ways to deal with that, otherwise that's going to be a very unhappy day tomorrow for the people in the city."

TRAVIS: Indeed.

LAURA: There will be a very unhappy day tomorrow.

TALIESIN: Ixnay.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: "That is not cryptic at all. Well, the Stubborn Stock are my esteemed mercenary band. Friends, this is the--"

TRAVIS: The Mighty Nein.

MATT: "The Mighty Nein, we met earlier at the places with the games." All of them give a nod and then grunt and reach over and start shaking hands. They seem, of all the people in here, the most friendly. As soon as this happens, the crowd outside start cheering loudly. The sounds of chaos begin to build.

MARISHA: Mortal Kombat!

MATT: The cheers swell, and swell. You hear feet slamming throughout the entire event, causing dust to come down off the ceiling above you. You begin to realize that you are below some of the stands. A figure across the way emerges from another doorway from the right and the crowd goes crazy. This humanoid figure steps to the center. Now looking through the windows, you can see this is an open circular sand pit, where there are some wall-like structures in places and pillars beyond those to break up the interior. It has some small areas for cover and these pillars in the far corners of each side. This figure who walks in is a tall half-giant figure covered in tattoos and spiked armor. As he approaches, his hands in the air as the crowd's yelling and screaming.

LAURA: I hope we don't have to fight him.

MARISHA: I want to be him.

MATT: Steps out. "Welcome, all fair peoples of the great empire under our King Bertrand Dwendal, may his grace bless this harvest's end and grant us a warm winter." The crowd goes crazy. "I am your humble Jermai Kull, previous champion. While I have left the fight, I now live for the fights of others. It is my pleasure to bring you this year's great tournament." The crowd swells again. Some of the groups behind start mounting up behind you and everyone's crowding around the windows. "We welcome our guests of high esteem on this day. Give your applause to our keeper of freedom and order, Lawmaster Orentha Stonegrasp." He points across the way up in the stands. The cheers go bright and you see a figure stand up, and you can see the gray haired dwarf that you had met in the King's Hall earlier. She's the Lawmaster of Zadash who had come out to thank you for the job you had done in slaying the phase spider in the sewers. She raises a hand and then sits down. Make a perception check as she waves her hand and gray hair--

TRAVIS: Natural one.

MATT: Nope.

TALIESIN: 17.

SAM: 18.

LAURA: Nine.

MARISHA: 20.

ASHLEY: Six.

MATT: You glancing there, your eagle sight of an inquisitive monk of the Cobalt Soul glance past and you can see where she's sitting, and there, about two people over sitting in the stand next to her is a familiar face. Pretty sure that's Dolan.

SAM and MARISHA: Our Dolan.

LAURA: Oh. He was supposed to go. Right?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah. Okay.

LIAM: Caleb is popping his hood on his head.

MATT: "We also bring to this tournament the Headmaster of the Zauber Spire, who repelled the crick assault on our great place of arcane learning. Shaping the minds of our future mages, Oremid Hass!" As the crowd cheers again, you see, back a row and to the left, a figure stand and raise a hand. Once again, everyone roll a perception check, please.

SAM: Wow.

MARISHA: Ugh, that was so bad. Not good. Five.

LIAM: 10.

LAURA: 16.

TALIESIN: Six.

SAM: Nine.

ASHLEY: Six.

TRAVIS: Nine.

MATT: Nine. 16 was the highest?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Who was that?

LAURA: Me.

MATT: That was Jester. Jester, you glance up and see, best you can a figure, a stocky, dark brown skinned man with very short curled black hair across the top of the head, very square jaw, in long red and gray robes. He raises a hand and smiles and everyone cheers. Sitting next to him you see a figure that you had seen before. You can make out an older human man with longer gray hair, bald on top. This was the mage you saw floating in the sky during the attack.

LAURA: Is he in white? Is that the color of robes he--

MATT: Yes, white and gold.

LAURA: Whoa.

MATT: "None of this would be possible if not for the love of you, and celebration from our esteemed Starosta Wyatt Fedar!" There at the very front of that same area, you see the same halfling who was talking earlier to the page, step up on a small platform to give him a little more height and prestige amongst this point. The male halfling with the curly hair and the graying sides raise his hands and give a soft bow, and the crowd explodes and cheers.

MARISHA: You said this is the Starosta, right?

MATT: This is that. "Now, we begin to bring in our fighters for this, and our first competing team of this Victory Pit tournament: The Last Line, all the way from Bladegarden!" The doors open, and all the gentlemen and ladies in the Righteous Brand armor push passed you, with Gunther and the elven gentleman, step out into the light. Now you can see the cloudy sky has broken up a bit, and there is a bit of sunlight coming down into this pit. They step out into the center as the emcee begins to step away. He goes, "May the first fight be a memorable one." He steps back and enters a distant door that closes behind him. They all spread out and prepare. Across the way, a door opens and you see something shift out in chains that are then pulled off the body and the doors close behind. There you see a 12-foot tall frog-humanoid-like creature with a giant belly that begins to lumber forward towards them. They all immediately assault this entity, jumping in the air, vaulting off sides of the walls, assaulting it. One gets smacked in the face, it grabs another and throws it onto the ground. Another one rushes up as it grabs and slams it onto the floor puts its weight on top of it, one foot pushing it down. Gunther rushes up with a blade and carves into a large section of its face. The crowd goes crazy as it pulls back and shoves Gunther off with a back fist. The elven leader rushes forward and does a few quick swipes with his blade. The large toad creature grabs it and attempts to swallow him, and manages to do so, completely ingests the leader. The rest begin to assault. Make an arcana check.

LIAM: 18.

MATT: 18. You don't recognize the creature, but there's something about this entity.

SAM: There's just something about him.

TRAVIS: No, nine.

MATT: No. All right, this fight goes on for another minute or so. You watch them trade blows back and forth. Nobody falls, and eventually the general carves his way from the stomach of the beast with a giant swipe of his blade. You watch as the blood begins to pour from it as he leaps out, coated in saliva and the creature's own crimson, spins around, and as the large toad beast pulls back, they all together, with one unified strike, surround and attack it. The beast lumbers forward and falls to the ground, unconscious. With a rousing cheer from the audience, the previous doors open. As the soldiers raise their weapons high and give a respectful bow, they begin to walk back towards the holding area, as they drag the unconscious body of this creature back to where it came.

LAURA: Do we all fight the same type of creature?

TALIESIN: Probably not.

MATT: The emcee shouts again from the side, "With that, the banderhobb has fallen!"

SAM: Bander rob?

MATT: "Next, a last minute addition to today's tournament. We bring forth, traveled from everywhere--"

LAURA: That's us!

MATT: "The Mighty Nein!"

SAM: Oh, shit, it's us!

MATT: The doors open again, and you guys are given a straight path into the center of this field.

TRAVIS: Yeah, bring it out!

LAURA: Oh my god!

SAM: This was such a good day.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: It's okay. I bumped it on the way over.

SAM: Whoa. Did you print that? On a laser printer?

MATT: No, this was from Mats by Mars, they do awesome stuff.

LAURA: Oh my god, that's so cool.

MATT: You guys can place yourselves where you'd like.

SAM: Where's the doors to the-- oh, they're over there. Got it.

MATT: Any particular placement you'd like, as you guys have a moment to set yourselves up here.

LIAM: Would I have been able to cast a spell as we are pushed forward into all this mess?

MATT: You would.

LIAM: Blur.

MATT: Blur, all right. You have a Blur spell on right now.

TRAVIS: Put me behind that wall, yep.

MARISHA: Where's the opening?

LAURA: Yeah, where did the monster come out of?

MATT: You guys entered from this side over here, and you saw the monster enter from this space.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

LIAM: Matt, I take that back. I'm not going to cast Blur. Sorry, my apologies.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Can you help me?

MATT: What do you want to do?

LAURA: I want to be there.

ASHLEY: Can I do that on the other one, opposite her?

MATT: Sure.

TALIESIN: I'll back up into mine.

LIAM: As close to the center as is possible.

SAM: I will be behind the pillar over there.

MATT: Over here?

SAM: No, this one over-- yes, thank you.

TALIESIN: That, I think, is the door where it opens.

MARISHA: It could be anywhere, to be fair.

LAURA: Oh, right. There's multiple doors.

MATT: The emcee disappears and vanishes into the back. You guys all take a quiet moment, looking around you in silence. As the audience gets quiet, still, you can see hundreds and hundreds of faces all staring, strangely formless when it's a cloud like this in all directions, little beams of light peeking through the clouds, hitting the sand and dirt on the ground before you. In that quiet, you hear (slamming). You glance around briefly and see not one, but two doors seem to have opened.

TRAVIS: Oh, good.

MATT: Only one of them has a creature that emerges. It seems like they're playing mind games with you so don't know where it's coming--

TRAVIS: Or the other one's invisible.

MATT: The door to this side suddenly swings open, and a beast begins to lumber out, chains detaching from manacles on two of its tethered, large tentacle-like arms. This grayish-brown mass, probably close to 15 feet in height, with a giant mouth filled with teeth and a large tongue that lolls off the side. Three tendrils reach off of it as these large, heavy feet pull it forward. Smell wafts around it of feces and rot. I need all of you to roll initiative, as this creature emerges right there.

LAURA: It's a big eating-poop pile!

LIAM: Liam knows what that is. Grody to the max!

LAURA: Yeah, gag me with a spoon, Mrs. Henderson!

ASHLEY: Gag me with a spoon!

MATT: 25 to 20.

MARISHA: Hang on! Oh, that moved it! It was a 19 plus one. 24!

SAM: Whoa!

MATT: 24, all right.

TALIESIN: 23.

MATT: Beau, Molly! Anybody else? Okay, 20 to 15.

LIAM: 18.

MATT: 18 for Caleb.

SAM: Oh, 16 here.

MATT: All right, Nott. 15 to ten? Ten to five?

LAURA, TRAVIS, and ASHLEY: Six!

MATT: Oh, dear.

MARISHA: Oh no! It's a sign.

SAM: (demonic voice) Present!

MATT: All righty, I believe that's everyone?

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: Top of the round, as this being (stomping) (sucking), its tongue slabbering around its open maw, Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: (inhales) Okay! I can clear the distance, right? 40 feet?

MATT: Five, ten, 15, 20, 25. Yeah, easily.

SAM: Oh yeah, go closer to the creature. That's a good idea.

LAURA: That's what she does!

MARISHA: I fight with my fists, Sam!

SAM: I don't like it! It's scary!

ASHLEY: Fists of fury!

LAURA: Fists of fury, Mrs. Henderson! (

ASHLEY: Fists of furry, Mrs. Henderson!

MARISHA: Before I run off, I go: Does anyone know if this is a time trial, or something? Then I run off towards it.

MATT: Okay, are you driving straight towards it? Or are you coming from a specific angle?

MARISHA: No, I mean, straight towards it.

MATT: All right, there you go.

MARISHA: Then, instead of my staff, I'm drawing my two wooden swords that I won with Nott.

SAM: Oh, no.

MARISHA: I'm going to beat face with my wooden swords, with my two attacks.

MATT: Okay, so are you--

MARISHA: This is going to be great!

MATT: Here's my question: is this just flavor to your unarmed strikes, or are you actually trying to damage it with the wooden swords?

MARISHA: I was thinking more like flavor to my unarmed strikes, but I'm a monk, so?

MATT: All right, so it looks like you're fighting with the swords, but you're really punching with them.

MARISHA: I'm punching.

MATT: It's more for the show of it.

MARISHA: Yeah. It's funsies.

LIAM: What if they are like police batons?

MATT: They're not that strong.

LAURA: They're like balsa wood.

MATT: Go ahead. Two attacks.

MARISHA: First one's a 14, second one's a seven plus six, so sorry, 20 for the first one and 13 for the second.

MATT: First one hits, second one misses.

MARISHA: Okay, ooh! That is 12 damage.

MATT: 12 points of damage as you hit it and you feel the actual wood of the sword crack a little bit, but your fist does hit the beast in the side, its giant blubbery, nasty body, almost slippery and sticky on impact, shifts from the blow. Is that your turn?

MARISHA: Then I'm going to spend a ki point and do one more.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Flurry of blows. That's not good at all. Ten.

MATT: Total ten? That misses. The third blow goes wide, no impact. That ends your turn. Molly, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use Vicious Mockery and just, you know: (demonic voice) You've got no arms, it's awful! It's a psychic attack.

LAURA: I start laughing.

MATT: That's a--

TALIESIN: It says wisdom, but is it charisma?

MATT: It's a wisdom save, but it's charisma-based. The DC's ten.

TALIESIN: Okay, yeah.

MATT: That's a natural 20 on its saving throw.

TALIESIN: That saves.

MATT: Sorry.

TALIESIN: That's okay. I'm going to also use my bonus action to light my other sword.

MATT: All right, so you have both blades now going?

TALIESIN: I have both blades going now, so I'm knocking that down.

MATT: Which rite?

TALIESIN: With not the ice, the--

MATT: The Rite of the Dawn? Okay, got it. Both of your blades are now glowing.

TALIESIN: I'm going to run, let's see, I've got 30 feet? I'm going to cross and run for cover behind that.

MATT: There?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: That ends your turn, Molly. It is now the creature's turn.

LAURA: Oh, let's see what it weirdly does. It's going to poop on you!

SAM: Or breathe some awful breath of death.

TALIESIN: It's going to swallow people.

MATT: It's going to step up right there. As it passes by, it's going to go ahead and swing one of its large tentacle arms, which you see have these long, curved tooth-like protrusions at the end, almost like a slapping squid tentacle. It swings toward you, Beau, with the first one. Natural one. Nope, that misses. You manage to duck it. However, it swings-- okay, that is a 17 to hit, what's your armor class?

MARISHA: 17.

MATT: Just hits. As the tentacle misses to strike you, it does manage to grab you from behind and pull you in toward its mouth. As it open and chomps down on you--

MARISHA: Aw, gross!

MATT: Yeah, you're pulled into its poopy mouth.

LAURA: Ew! It's like Charlie!

MATT: That is 15 points of piercing damage, and I need you to roll a constitution saving throw, as the horribly--

LAURA: How much damage did he do?

MATT: 15 points of piercing damage.

LAURA: 15 fucking points!

MATT: Make a constitution saving throw, please.

MARISHA: Don't. Fuck. Me Gil! Ooh, that was almost a natural 20! This always happens with Gil. Six?

MATT: Six, no. As the teeth sink into your body and you pull away, you feel this mild infection all ready begin to set inside you, and you are poisoned.

LAURA: Oh no, you're poisoned!

MARISHA: He gives you heartburn, you guys. It's real bad.

MATT: The other tentacle is going to swing over toward you, Jester, as it sees you around the corner. That, however, is a really poor roll. That's going to be an eight, that misses you. You duck and it hits the stone, causing this dust to spray off of it from the impact. That's going to end its turn. Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: I pull out a handful of iron powder, and I throw it into the air so it's a big cloud, and my two hands go (sweeping noise), and Yasha grows to twice her normal size.

ALL: What?!

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

MATT: For the purposes of that, we'll put Yasha on this big old dice there.

ASHLEY: Does that mean I do twice the damage?

MATT: Not twice.

SAM: Yes, it does.

LIAM: Then I will use my movement to get over to the corner near Fjord. If I could get around it, I would, but I'm sure I don't have enough movement.

MATT: Six is about as close as you can get, there.

LIAM: Yeah, so you're at advantage because of your size and all of your attacks have an additional 1d4.

ASHLEY: (high-pitched) Ooh!

SAM: She's huge!

LIAM: She's 14 feet tall.

SAM: 14?

LIAM: No, you're six? 12 feet tall.

ASHLEY: I'm like 5'11".

LIAM: 12-ish feet tall. Doubles it. Your weight is eight times its normal weight.

MATT: You have advantage on strength checks and saving throws, which is what your rage does, but your weapons do an additional 1d4 points of damage when you hit, which is good.

ASHLEY: Excellent. I'm into that.

MARISHA: I've had this dream.

MATT: Caleb, that ends your turn.

MARISHA: Question, quick retroactive one: Can I use my reaction attack when that thing attacked Jester to do my sentinel thing?

MATT: You can, yeah.

MARISHA: Can I do that?

MATT: Go for it. As it strikes and misses Jester, you get one swing, but it's with disadvantage on the attack because you're poisoned.

MARISHA: Nope.

MATT: Swing wide, unfortunately you're hazy in your view, and you feel the poison start to seep into your veins, the diseased bite of the creature starting to infect your torso. That ends Caleb's turn, Nott, you're up.

SAM: I will shoot my thing at it!

MATT: You other three are up after that, at the same time.

SAM: 21 to hit.

MATT: That hits! Roll damage.

SAM: Is Yasha--

MATT: Yeah, they're adjacent, so you get sneak attack.

LAURA: Whoa, that's good.

MATT: Oh, damn!

SAM: Okay, (counting) 19.

MATT: 19 points of damage.

SAM: Wait, you know what? If I'm going to be honest, that thing is beyond 30 feet, so I would have moved in closer so I don't have to fire at disadvantage.

MATT: Okay, so I'll put you about there to do that.

SAM: Then do I have any movement left?

MATT: Five feet.

SAM: All right, well then I'll dash and I'll go back around towards me, behind this corner and hide. Just duck back there. That's it! Take a swig.

MATT: Take a swig. It's a free action. All right, Jester, Yasha, and Fjord, you guys are going at the same time, so you decide who is going to take their action first.

TRAVIS: Ladies first.

ASHLEY: We can go in that order.

MATT: All right, so Jester, Yasha, then Fjord. Jester.

LAURA: Okay, well he's right there, so I'm going to use Sacred Flame on him. Oh, actually I'm really close and he's already been hurt. I'm going to Toll the Dead on him.

MATT: What saving throw is that?

LAURA: That is a wisdom saving throw!

MATT: Rolled a four. Three plus one.

LAURA: I get to hit him! Seven points of damage!

MATT: Seven points of necrotic damage. As the bell (ringing) you watch as the creature shimmies in place.

LAURA: I want to back away! Did he already use his reaction at all?

MATT: You don't think so. What do you want to do?

LAURA: Oh no.

SAM: Just run away. What could happen?

MARISHA: Run away!

LAURA: No, fuck it, I'm going to stay right there.

MATT: Jester stays. Yasha, what are you doing?

ASHLEY: If I move--

SAM: (deep voice) I'm sorry, you have to talk like this now.

ASHLEY: (deep voice) If I move (normal voice) right here, am I ten feet of the creature, but they're not ten feet of me, right?

MATT: You don't get reach with the Enlarge, so you still have to get one more to hit with the melee weapon.

ASHLEY: Okay, I get one more, but I'm not ten feet away from Beau and Jester, right?

MATT: You're ten feet away from Beau, currently.

ASHLEY: Can I move one over to the right?

MATT: There? You're ten feet away from Jester, yeah.

LIAM: Who do you choose?

ASHLEY: You know what, I won't do that right now. I would like to rage.

MATT: Rage kicks in.

ASHLEY: I'm going to use my Magician's Judge sword and start swinging.

MATT: You have any reckless attacks, or not?

ASHLEY: Say again?

MATT: No, that's fine.

ASHLEY: Oh, no. 14.

MATT: 14 just hits, go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: You get advantage, remember.

MATT: Not on attacks. If she does reckless, she gets advantage.

LAURA: Okay, sorry.

LIAM: Natural 24 for being gigantic.

ASHLEY: (counting) 20.

MATT: 20 points of damage with the strike. As large Yasha (heavy footsteps)--

SAM: You added all your shit to that?

ASHLEY: I added all my shit.

MATT: This is going to be a thing. I have to make a large Yasha figure now. Swing the giant blade with two hands. As the blade carves down, it embeds itself four or five inches into the body of the creature. It pulls back instinctually, and as it does, it drags the blade through its body and blood sprays out. The blood itself is a thick brown color, and the smell gets even worse as it begins to spray its ichor around the air. Well done. Is that your turn?

ASHLEY: Yep, and I'm going to stay right there.

MATT: Fjord, your turn.

TRAVIS: Can I turn towards the beast, and I'll cast Eldritch Blast at it.

MATT: Go for it. You step out from behind cover.

TRAVIS: That is a 23 to hit.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: That is a ten plus four, 14 points of damage.

MATT: Nice!

TRAVIS: Can I roll back behind cover?

MATT: You can. Dart back onto the edge--

TRAVIS: Even a couple more. Out of view, there we go.

MATT: That ends your turn. Top of the round, Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: I'm going to fight, both my swords, pop pop, coming down on his head. Don't fuck me, Gil. That's all right, 18.

MATT: Disadvantage on all attacks.

MARISHA: Disadvantage because I'm poisoned. 18.

MATT: 18 hits!

LIAM: Matt, is that ring for what, concentration?

MATT: Concentration.

MARISHA: That's not a thing. Nine damage.

MATT: Nine points of damage as you strike it. This time, the wooden sword does snap. It breaks on impact. You still have the hilt.

MARISHA: I turn to the audience and I go: (yelling)

MATT: (distant yelling) There's a resounding cheer.

MARISHA: I go: Yasha, look! I do patient defense for my other ki point.

MATT: You go in your defensive stance. Good. That ends your turn. Molly, you're up.

TALIESIN: How many feet away am I from this thing?

MATT: You are 40, 45 feet from it.

TALIESIN: I'm going to start dashing to that next-- yeah, that direction.

MATT: 30, that's your movement.

TALIESIN: I'm going to do one more attempt at Vicious Mockery. (Infernal noises)

MATT: That's a 14.

TALIESIN: He still saves?

MATT: He still saves.

TALIESIN: That's all right.

MATT: That your turn?

TALIESIN: That's what I got.

MATT: Now it's the creature's turn. With you right there in front of it, it's going to attempt to bite you, Yasha, with its giant mouth.

LAURA: No, not its poop mouth!

MATT: That is 16. What's your armor class?

ASHLEY: 14.

MATT: Aw, okay, hits you.

MARISHA: Attack with my reaction!

TRAVIS: Sentinel!

MARISHA: Sentinel! Natural 20. Eight. 14.

MATT: 14 does hit. You take 15 points of piercing damage, and I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm not going to use that one.

SAM: Does the Enlarge give her advantage on saving throws?

MATT: Just strength.

ASHLEY: Eight.

MATT: Eight. Even in your enlarged state, the diseased gathering of bacteria and terrible elements--

ASHLEY: 15 points?

MATT: 15 points. The poison courses through your body, and Yasha, you are considered poisoned.

ASHLEY: Oh, this sucks!

MARISHA: It takes seven points of damage from the unarmed strike.

MATT: It does. It's going to take its tentacles and swing one towards you, Jester.

SAM: Oh no, Jessie!

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: That is 23 to hit.

LAURA: That hits me.

MATT: As the tentacle swings out toward you, clawing past you with its raking teeth-- oh shit. That's 11 points of bludgeoning damage plus eight points of piercing damage as it carves into you.

LAURA: I'm going to use Hellish Rebuke on him.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: Yeah, you still don't have any stupid arms, stupid!

MATT: You are also grappled, as the tentacle wraps around you and begins to squeeze and hold you in place. The teeth and the thorns that are coming out of the side of its tentacle jamming into your body. Is it a constitution save for Hellish Rebuke?

LAURA: Hellish Rebuke is a 2nd-level. I really wish it gave more information about what--

SAM: It will certainly be fixed, because D&D Beyond is a responsive company and we love them.

LAURA: It doesn't say anywhere what Hellish Rebuke-- oh there it is! Dexterity save!

MATT: There we go. That is going to be a nine.

LAURA: That means I get 3d10.

MATT: 3d10 damage to it.

MARISHA: Yes!

TRAVIS: Rock that shit. Goodnight Irene, let's go.

LAURA: 12.

MATT: 12 points of damage. Nice. There's a burst of icy shards and blades that explode out of Jester into the tentacle and along the side of its body as it pulls back in place, swinging its other tentacle out behind it towards Beau.

LAURA: How much damage did you say I just took, though? Because I was busy. 19 points of damage.

SAM: 11 plus eight.

MATT: With disadvantage, because you have defense. Even with a disadvantage, that is 18.

MARISHA: Fuck! Yeah.

MATT: You suffer five points of bludgeoning damage, plus three points of piercing, so eight total, and you are also grappled.

LIAM: All of the male players are 40 feet back, and all the women are right in there.

MATT: Now you are poisoned and grappled. The two side tentacles, and there's the one large tentacle on top which, now that you have a closer look, has three vertical eyes in it that are glancing around and looking at the space. The two are wrapped around two of your allies as Yasha's dealing with the poison wracking through her veins. That's going to end its turn. Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: I am very aware of how many people are in this arena, especially high-powered ones, as I wrap one hand around my forearm and I cast Scorching Ray even though I feel nauseous, and off they go.

MATT: Go for it. Because it attacked Beau, you could use your reaction to attack it back with your Sentinel feat.

SAM: You have Sentinel also?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: They both do. You have that. I'll let you do it now if you wanted to, if you want to take it.

ASHLEY: Fuck yes. Yes.

LAURA: If you feel like attacking.

MATT: You have disadvantage on the attack, unfortunately.

LIAM: 26, ten, 16.

MATT: The first and the last one hit.

ASHLEY: Natural 20. 13.

MATT: 13 just misses. You swing, and as you're about to hit with the blade, the poison pulses through your veins, and you go wide as the creature manages to be out of range. How much damage is that?

LIAM: 15 points of fire damage.

MATT: Both rays slam into it and the flames burst up, and you hear (pained gurgling), trying to pull back from the impact, but it's currently by the wall, and it's holding onto your friends and holding its ground.

LIAM: I'll take a step five feet that way and as I do so I look over at Fjord and just-- and that's the end of my turn.

TRAVIS: Big nope.

MATT: That ends Caleb's go. Jester.

LAURA: Oh, that's me!

MATT: Yes. You are currently grappled, and while you are grappled you are restrained until you break free.

SAM: I think it's my turn.

MATT: Oh, sorry, Nott's after Caleb, my bad. Thank you.

SAM: I'm going to stick my hand around and fire my little crossy-bowy. Not good! Not good at all. Ten!

MATT: Ten goes wide. As it's reeling back from the blow of the flame jets from your buddy Caleb, unfortunately as you fire it moves just out of the way, and the bolt goes wide.

SAM: I will reload and fire again. Oh god! Should we count that?

LAURA: Yeah, I think so. What do you add to it?

SAM: I don't know. Matt, do I count that or not?

LAURA: It's 18. It landed in my box, but it landed up.

MATT: If it landed, then it's fine.

SAM: Okay, 18 to hit.

MATT: 18 does hit, so go ahead and roll damage and sneak attack.

SAM: I get sneak attack?

MATT: It's still adjacent to a friend of yours.

SAM: Great. 15.

MATT: Nice, all right. It strikes on the inside of the mouth.

SAM: I'll take Fury of the Small, why not. 19.

MATT: 19 points of damage total, got it. (bolt impact, groaning) It looks like it's hurting, but it's also in control of the battlefield on that side there. That ends your turn. Jester.

SAM: Back behind a wall.

LAURA: Oh god. Does it look like it's hurting at all?

MATT: It looks like it's hurt.

LAURA: While I'm in its grasp, can I touch the tentacle and cast Toll the Dead again?

MATT: If you'd like to.

SAM: If you think that would help.

LAURA: I want to do that.

MATT: Okay. The saving throw-- that's cocked. No, that is a five plus one.

LAURA: Okay. Two.

MATT: Hey, it all helps. It all goes to the same place. You are still restrained and held in place there. Anything else you want to do?

LAURA: I probably should have tried to un-restrain myself.

SAM: You're a great player.

MATT: No, it's an action to break free.

LAURA: It's an action. Well, I already did it. I already Tolled the Dead, so too late.

MATT: End of your turn?

LAURA: I guess so.

MATT: Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: I'm going to attack again.

TALIESIN: There's no short rest between here and--

LAURA: There could be.

MARISHA: No, there could be more groups, man.

MATT: He said about 20 minutes between rounds, and a short rest is an hour.

ASHLEY: Do I have advantage on attack, or no?

TRAVIS: If you go reckless, you can.

ASHLEY: Yes, that's right, I haven't used reckless yet. Shit.

MATT: You have not used reckless. That gives you advantage on your attacks.

ASHLEY: That gives me advantage, but that gives them advantage on attacks.

MATT: Correct. For now it's a straight roll, there's no disadvantage on that roll.

ASHLEY: Sorry guys. Natural 20.

TRAVIS: So nonchalant with that shit!

MATT: That'll do it. That doubles your weapon and the d4. You roll those together. It's whatever that is. It's your 2d6 for your weapon, d6 for your divine ability, and then your die, so then double that. Roll those, double that, and then add your plus seven.

ASHLEY: I see.

MATT: Ooh, no.

LAURA: 17 times two is 34.

TALIESIN: Plus seven.

SAM: Whoa, that's a lot.

ASHLEY: 41.

MATT: How do you want to do this?

(cheering)

ASHLEY: No way, really?

MATT: Yeah, you fucking murdered it!

ALL: (chanting) Yasha!

SAM: Remember, you're twice as big.

MATT: It's currently holding Jester and Beau, and it looks like it's about to slam them together. It's pulling them back and their feet are dragging off the ground and causing grooves in the sand, and it's (growling).

ASHLEY: I want to take the blade, turn it down, and straight into the middle of it.

MATT: Which you can do, because at your full height, you're about as tall as it is. In a downward angle, you thrust forward and jam it forward into the center of its membrane above its mouth. As you push down, you watch your blade actually protrude out the roof of its mouth, through its mouth, through the tongue, and into the rest of its body, and as you push, it gives this horrible squealing, guttural, swine-like sound, and as you push, and push, and push, it falls onto its back, and you keep pushing, and you keep pushing, and the tentacles go limp and release both Jester and Beau. At that point, you pull the blade free, and it is not moving on the ground, bleeding out into the sand.

ALL: Whoa!

LAURA: That was amazing.

MARISHA: That was fucking awesome.

LAURA: I'm going to cast Thaumaturgy and start whispers throughout the crowd going: (chanting) Yasha, Yasha! Hopefully the crowd picks it up.

ASHLEY: I run back into the hidden area immediately, and I don't stay out there.

MATT: Okay, good to know. Enlarge lasts for how long?

LIAM: A minute, so probably the time it takes her to cast that spell and you to run into that hole. Yasha that should probably end right about (magic fizzles).

MATT: Your size is reduced to a more diminutive stance. As you guys back into the inside, the poison, however, is still holding.

SAM: Oh no. Can we use some medicine?

LAURA: Yes. I've got one kit left so I'm going to use my medicinal herbs on you, Beau, to get rid of the poison.

MARISHA: Fuck yeah. Please.

TRAVIS: Where are you at, Jester? Hit point-wise?

LAURA: I'm very low, hit point-wise. I'm at 12 out of 31.

TRAVIS: You want a health potion?

LAURA: Huh?

TRAVIS: You want a health potion?

LAURA: Oh, I can use my spells to heal us right now.

TRAVIS: I think you should save--

LAURA: The only thing I have that can get rid of poisoning is Lesser Restoration, which I can cast on Yasha right now. I can get rid of the poison on you.

SAM: Wait, but the poison will go away eventually, right? Won't it?

TALIESIN: Not before the next fight, I don't think.

MATT: You don't know.

LAURA: It's probably--

MATT: In your herbalism kit, you can make antitoxin if your in a space--

LAURA: No, it's not an herbalism kit, it's medicinal herbs, which you specifically told me it removes poison on action.

MATT: Yes. It's a medicine check to apply it properly, but you can do that.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

SAM: Make that check!

LAURA: Oh no.

TALIESIN: What's your medicine check?

LAURA: I'm proficient-- oh, that's good.

SAM: A lot.

LAURA: Yeah, it's a 23.

MATT: Yeah. As you guys back into the corner, you manage to go ahead and apply the medicinal herbs, which are used now, but the poison does manage to fade from your body, Beau. You are no longer poisoned. You're using Lesser Restoration on Yasha, you said? Up to you.

LAURA: Yeah, I'll do it.

MATT: Okay, the poison is removed, which is probably a good thing because it lasts until cured.

SAM: Oh wow!

MATT: Technically, it's a disease that causes poison, but because the nature of the herbs that you've utilized in this space, it fits in a similar realm because it's a bacterial infection that kicks in. I'll say because you got to it quickly enough and you rolled so high, you were able to do that.

TRAVIS: Because you got stabbed with poopty.

MATT: Kind of, yeah.

ASHLEY: Jester, what are you at, right now?

LAURA: I'm at 12 hit points.

SAM: You need to heal!

ASHLEY: I give her a potion of healing.

LAURA: Yasha, you need healing too!

ASHLEY: No it's fine!

LAURA: Are you sure?

ASHLEY: Yes, I'm sure.

MARISHA: I won't deny it, but I also won't request it.

TRAVIS: Yeah, fucking take it.

MARISHA: Okay.

LAURA: It's what? How many d4? 2d4?

MATT: 2d4 plus two for a healing potion. As you guys are in the process of doing this, you hear the voice shouting out-- not even realizing the other group that walks outside. "The Mountain Makers from Grimgolir!" The dwarf and gnome troop makes their way out into the field. As the crowd cheers, the MC vanishes, and you see an opposing site open once again. Immediately bursting through, you see a large, nine foot troll with elongated arms and legs start rushing into the fray, screaming this high-pitched yelp. As it runs, you can see its skin, as opposed to the deep forest green that you've read about or seen in trolls in your experiences, this looks like a dull teal-blue color. You watch as the dwarves, all of a sudden, rush in. The gnomes begin casting spells, and this assault goes back and forth. You see with each strike this cold mist off the claws of the troll with each blow. You watch as the gnomes begin to apply fire upon fire, and you watch as the entity burns. Their intelligent knowledge of the creature causing it to prevent it from regenerating. Fairly rapidly, they make short work of it. They were prepared, and it was not as intense a battle as you were expecting. With that--

TRAVIS: Did it look like they prepared anything with fire before the creature came out?

MATT: To your memory, you didn't know that. You didn't notice anything. With the final of the battle, the cheers go wild, the crowd goes crazy, and eventually, The Mountain Makers make their way back into the field. Anything else you guys needed to prepare at this time?

MARISHA: They got real good teamwork. Maybe we should come up with special moves.

SAM: Like what?

TALIESIN: Like heal.

SAM: Like don't run up so close, or at least wait a little bit first to gauge the beast.

MARISHA: What?

SAM: Don't run into the -- You're going to die!

MATT: "Out from the Menagerie Coast! The Stubborn Stock!"

SAM: Oh, that's not us.

MATT: Behind you, as the doors open, they move past you. Darrow goes, "Ey, wish us luck friends," and enters into the sunlight.

LAURA: Good luck!

MATT: The doors close. Looking out past the way, another door opens off to the side, and you watch as a 15 foot long crocodile becomes barreling into the center, its jaws opening and snapping as it comes rushing in. It climbs over the wall that the guys are getting behind to defend and immediately snaps down on one of the soldiers, who gets hit in the side and screams out in pain. They all begin to rush in and assault, jumping off the wall and getting onto its back. You watch as Darrow climbs up onto it, taking a shortsword that one of his friends had dropped, and jams it into the top of the head. As he pulls out his battleaxe, he begins to hack away. He is laughing. Another friend pries the mouth off of the one soldier that had been stamped on. He limps away as it spins around, its tail slapping one of its friends, sending him flying back ten feet as his weapon goes skidding into the sky. It hits the dirt off the way. He runs to try and retrieve it. The battle goes back and forth for a while. One of their friends goes down and one of his allies grabs and pulls him away from the battle zone as he begins to try to wake him up. At this point, you watch as Darrow makes a couple of motions to his friends, and they all cycle in and assault at one time, cutting at the throat of the large crocodile as Darrow takes his axe and carves out one of its eyes. As it pulls back, screaming in pain, they both come underneath and cut through the throat at the same time, causing it to bleed out. With that, the crocodile collapses, not moving, into the field.

MARISHA: Did you see that? He had a sign, and then things happened.

MATT: They slap awake their ally, and they begin to drag themselves back into the chamber as the crowd's cheering. They're a little wounded and a little winded, but as they come in, "Heh! That wasn't too bad! You're on deck, I suppose!" They bring their friend over to the side, and one--

TRAVIS: They used cover really well. We should try and hide ourselves better.

SAM: I can make a box!

TALIESIN: No, don't do that.

SAM: I can actually make a 15 foot large box! We could all fit in it!

LAURA: I'm going to take a healing potion.

TRAVIS: Nott had a great idea actually though. We should keep our distance.

SAM: Keep our distance. We don't know what door they're coming out.

TRAVIS: We don't.

SAM: Did we see which door the last two monsters came out of?

MATT: The one that came out here. The crocodile came out here.

SAM: That was the last one?

MATT: That was the last one.

ASHLEY: What about the teal thing? What was the-- ? Who did The Mountain Makers fight?

MATT: Oh, the ice troll! Sorry. The ice troll came from this side there. They are changing--.

ASHLEY: They're changing.

TRAVIS: You people that need to be up close, just wait until it gets to you. Make him chase you for a bit. Use the cover. Let's put some damage on it before--

MARISHA: I could do that. I could be a distraction--

MATT: "To the front lines again! The Last Line!" You see as the armored soldiers go back out there into the field. They get into the center. They form a phalanx back to back in the center as they look around in any direction, and you hear (grunting) (roaring) and two gates open. From each gate, two large-looking figures come charging out. You see these sprinting, dark, humanoid creatures with giant horns out of the front of their head. Two minotaurs come charging into the center. Immediately, they both break into two groups and try to head them off, shields up. One of them gets thrown, taking the impact of the blow. Knocked back onto his ass, three feet back. The other one gets gored immediately, the horns piercing his armor and throwing him into the air. As this happens, you notice now they're both wielding large axes, and they start cleaving into the opponents. They're giving up a good fight, and it goes back and forth for a bit, but at one point you watch one drop, and another drop. A third one gets grabbed and picked up and then broken over the knee of one of the minotaurs. At which point, you see the elven general begins to look around nervously and starts waving his hand to call it off just as one of them gores him from behind. He gets thrown ten feet, landing onto the ground rolling, unconscious. His blade clattering in the dirt. There you see Gunther in the center with two warhammers in his hands, blood down his face going, "Come on!" They both come charging in at him from two different sides. Last minute, he darts backward, causing them to collide into each other. As they're stunned, he rushes up and jams his hammer into the head of one of them. Once. Twice. One of the minotaurs goes down, and right as he pulls back, the second minotaur gets him from behind. You watch as a horn pierce where his liver is, and he falls unconscious on the ground. They fall. The final minotaur roars up into the air and the whole crowd goes, "Oh!" You watch as two groups come out with chains and manacles and manage to grapple and throw them down. The lasting minotaur passes out in the chains and they drag him back off the field. The two clerics rush out into the field and prevent death to those who are in the process of slipping. With that, The Last Line is pulled back, the first fallen out here in the field.

LAURA: That was intense. Would we be able to have fought those two minotaurs?

MARISHA and TALIESIN: I don't know.

SAM: No! Of course not!

MATT: "The first fallen in the tournament!"

TALIESIN: Focus on one target at a time.

MATT: "Let us greet back to the field, The Mighty Nein!" The doors open once more.

MARISHA: She's Cure Woundsing me!

MATT: All righty. Where do you guys wish to be placed?

LAURA: Is it possible to climb up on one of the walls?

MATT: If you'd like to try.

LAURA: I'm going to try and climb up on top of the wall.

MATT: Make an athletics check real fast.

ASHLEY: Am I able to take a potion of healing?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: That's really good. This one, sure. Why not.

MATT: This one here?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: I'll back up into that far corner.

MATT: This one here?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: It's a 22.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine.

MARISHA: I'll move here.

MATT: Nott?

SAM: Dead center. I'm going to cast Mage Hand.

MATT: Okay. Yasha?

ASHLEY: I'm going to stand by Caleb, actually.

MATT: Okay. You're with Caleb there?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: Beau, ten points.

MARISHA: Yes! I love you, Jester!

MATT: All righty. As you guys all take your place, two gates immediately open again. You hear two sources of this loud, deep (howling). Leaping through both sides, you see two massive, white furred wolves come leaping through into a full sprint.

LAURA: I Invoke Duplicity in the middle of the-- next to Nott.

MATT: From this side and this side here. You Invoke Duplicity?

LAURA: Yeah, next to Nott.

MATT: Next to Nott. All righty, I need you all to roll initiative.

(screaming)

MARISHA: Natural 20!

LIAM: Natural one!

MATT: Aw, Caleb. My dice fell.

LIAM: Hundred dollars.

MATT: Sorry, mic. All righty, for this new round, 25 to 20?

TALIESIN: 21.

MARISHA: 24.

LAURA: 22.

MATT: Oh shit. We have Beau--

TRAVIS: Jester, and Molly.

MATT: You got it. 20 to 15?

ASHLEY: 15! I was just, I'll wait until the end. Oh wait, I rolled high!

MATT: All right then, it'd be Yasha. 15 to ten?

TRAVIS: Oh no. No, that isn't me either.

MATT: Ten to five?

SAM: Nine.

TRAVIS: Six.

LAURA: Six again, Fjord?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: Two for Caleb.

MATT: Caleb at the bottom.

LIAM: I rolled a Natural one, so--.

MATT: Top of the round, as the wolves begin to emerge, Beau, you're up first.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to run (counting) 40, I guess?

MATT: All righty.

ASHLEY: Look at the blood on there already.

MARISHA: I'm-- Yeah, that's cool-- I'm going to look at this one and I'm going to go, hey (whistles), go fetch! I'm going to throw my other wooden sword at that one, and then I'm going to do Patient Defense.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Right in the middle of them.

MATT: Make an animal handling check.

MARISHA: Animal handling.

MATT: Just because I want to see what will happen.

MARISHA: I'm going to use this lucky die that this Critter gave me! Okay! 20!

MATT: Okay. You throw it.

MARISHA: Come on boy!

MATT: That's your action.

MARISHA: Wait, what do you mean that's my action?

MATT: Yeah, to get its attention and try and throw it?

MARISHA: I can't take a ki point to do Patient Defense?

MATT: Patient Defense is a bonus, you're fine.

MARISHA: Okay, so Patient Defense.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: That's it.

MATT: All right, that ends Beau's turn. Jester, you're up.

LAURA: I'm going to cast Sacred Flame at the one behind me!

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: That's a dex save.

MATT: That's a failure. That is an eight.

LAURA: Yes!

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage on that one.

LAURA: Five points of damage to him!

MATT: Five points of damage, nice. All righty.

SAM: Or her.

MATT: As the divine flame burns up around it, it's still running.

LAURA: I'm going to make my Invoked Duplicity Jester run right in the middle of the two walls, past Fjord.

MATT: Right there?

LAURA: Yeah, and she's going to start going (gibberish).

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Look at me, look at me!

MATT: All right, that ends your turn. Molly, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take a run towards the fake Jester.

MATT: All righty. 25. 30

TALIESIN: Yeah, it's where I can get there. I'm going to try and see if I can make Vicious Mockery work on this thing.

MATT: You have line of sight.

TALIESIN: I do have line of sight?

MATT: That's a eight, so that hits.

TALIESIN: (sinister voice) Bad doggy!

(laughter)

SAM: Butt turkey?

TALIESIN: Yep, butt turkey, you heard me. That's one point of psychic damage and it has disadvantage next attack.

MATT: You got it. That ends Molly's turn. It is now the wolves' turn. This one is going to run, pacing around this side, up into that range there. It's going to rush up and partially pass through the Jester illusion, look back and see all that crowd in front, in its area. It pulls back and its shoulders curl up and the fur expands and (deep roar). You watch as a burst of freezing winter air blows out of its open mouth.

LAURA and SAM: (groaning)

MATT: That's going to get all three of you guys.

(laughter)

MATT: I need you all to make a dexterity saving throw.

LAURA: Even though I am high up?

MATT: Yeah, it's a cone out in that direction.

TRAVIS: Round two.

LAURA: 20.

MATT: That's a success.

LIAM: Four.

MATT: Nope. Yasha?

ASHLEY: Natural one.

MATT: Okay!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh, fuck me. Oh god.

MATT: 16 points of cold damage to Yasha and Caleb and eight points to you, Jester.

LAURA: Already? Eight points to me?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Halved because I'm resistant to cold damage.

MATT: Exactly, so four. The other one is going to (galloping noises) turn around--

MARISHA: What?!

MATT: It's not going for a wooden sword.

MARISHA: I rolled a natural 20!

LIAM: You can certainly try.

MATT: It saw it for a moment. It's going to move, rush up here.

MARISHA: That was a ki point! A very valuable ki point!

MATT: It was running out and you whistled and it went (grunt) and kept running.

MARISHA: Fuck!

MATT: It's going to go ahead and blast another cold air bit in that direction that will go for both Molly and Fjord. I need you both to roll dexterity saving throws, please.

LAURA: Roll high.

TRAVIS: Oh.

LAURA: Oh no.

TALIESIN: Eight.

TRAVIS: 12.

MATT: You barely succeed!

TRAVIS: Ooh!

MATT: Molly does not. That is 26 points of cold damage to you, Molly. I rolled really well on that.

SAM: Oh, jeez!

MATT: That's 13 to you, Fjord.

LAURA: 26 points?

TALIESIN: I am not resistant to cold.

MATT: You are not, unfortunately, no.

TRAVIS: 13, yeah okay.

TALIESIN: Ow!

SAM: Wait! You're out?

TALIESIN: No, I'm fine. I'm not fine but ow!

MATT: Yeah, and as it finishes blowing, it growls in place. That's going to end its turn.

SAM: Damn.

MATT: Yeah, so that will bring us to the next round. That's Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay.

SAM: (shouting) Pick one and focus fire on that one!

ASHLEY: Okay, so reckless. Let me see something here. Sorry. Where's the hex? Divine Fury? Can I do that as well?

MATT: All righty. Go for it.

LAURA: Are you raging?

ASHLEY: I don't have any more.

LAURA: Oh no!

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: You raged too much in the games of chance.

ASHLEY: Wait, do I have advantage, or that's it?

MATT: You have advantage with your attacks, if you're reckless.

ASHLEY: Sorry. Natural 20 again.

(cheering)

MATT: That will hit!

ASHLEY: Divine Fury is an extra--

MATT: d6.

TALIESIN: Ah! Should have had disadvantage.

MATT: Disadvantage doesn't affect it. It's a cone.

TALIESIN: It's a cone? Yeah, okay.

MATT: Sorry.

TALIESIN: All right.

ASHLEY: Ugh. (counting) Eight.

MATT: See, technically it would be-- It was a natural 20? You only roll three of those dice.

ASHLEY: Well, is Divine Fury an extra d6.

MATT: Yes, that's how it is.

ASHLEY: It's three, I'm sorry.

MATT: Roll again, that's fine. It's 2d6 reroll. It's okay.

ASHLEY: Okay. (counting) Seven, ten, 27.

MATT: 27 points of damage! You carve a hefty chunk out of this wolf as you slam down with your blade. As it carves past, you see where the white fur has now become red on its left side. It (whimpers) pulls back from the pain. Part of its flesh is flapping from the wound you left as you draw the blade back. That was a pretty hefty hit. That ends Yasha's turn. Nott, you're up.

SAM: Okay, I'm going to aim for that flap of skin.

MATT: Fjord, you're up next.

SAM: Fire. 25 to hit.

MATT: That definitely hits.

SAM: That is 16 points of damage.

MATT: 16 points of damage. Beautiful!

SAM: I will run. Nope, I will fire again. (reloading) Same place.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: 16 to hit.

MATT: That hits! Roll damage.

SAM: Six points.

MATT: Six to that guy. As both bolts hit the open wound that Yasha left behind, it's now starting to growl and look like it's in pain and is getting cornered-animal angry.

SAM: I'm going to run this way, as far as my little-- well, so I can still see everybody and the action.

MATT: All right, that ends Nott's turn. Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: I'm going to cast Armor of Agathys on myself, and I'm going to use my bonus action to cast Hex on the wolf that's nearest to Yasha and give it disadvantage on dexterity checks. I'm going to use my movement to run towards that wolf.

MATT: This wolf here?

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: You can get there.

TRAVIS: In between Molly and Yasha.

MATT: The one that you run away from does snap at you with its maw. I know you guys love that word. I know I do. That is going to be a nine. That does not hit, it's a three plus six. Its jaws snap behind you and you hear the impact, but it's too far below you. That ends Fjord's go. Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: I pull out a cat's paw and say: (stuttering) Bad dog. Maximilian's Grasping Cat's Claw comes out by that one there. It has to make a strength saving throw.

MATT: This one here?

LIAM: *Ja*, but it has to save.

MATT: Strength saving throw. That is going to be a 12. What's your DC?

LIAM: 15.

MATT: 15, no. He is held in place. As the hand creeps up and grabs it, it (yelps) and it's held in place now, up off the ground, its paws held as this giant caw paw is holding the doggy.

LIAM: *Und* I will move that ways to make a triangle with the two dogs and myself to get as far away as I can get.

MARISHA: What does restraining it do?

LIAM: Everyone gets advantage on it and it's at disadvantage to hit us.

SAM: That's great!

MATT: That ends Caleb's turn. At the top, Beau, you're up. Jester, you're up next.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to look around with my defensive stance and be like "Aw, fucking really?" and then go: Parkour! Stab!

LAURA: No, attack the one that's by all of us!

MARISHA: No, this guy's got advantage!

TRAVIS: Stay out of the cone, get on the backside.

MARISHA: It's fine! Oh, wait, that guy's cone?

MATT: You're already there.

MARISHA: Well, it's on.

MATT: You're there. You have advantage on your strikes, though.

MARISHA: I'm coming down very hard and heavy. Advantage. I'll take that natural 19, and then for my second one-- advantage on all of them?

MATT: Yeah, because it's restrained.

MARISHA: I'll take that 13?

MATT: 13 just hits.

MARISHA: Okay, so the first one: not great, six damage? Second one: better, eight damage.

MATT: Eight damage, all righty. As you leap over, slamming your fist down-- or, your staff down-- on the nostril of the restrained wolf, and then as you land, hit it with the back of your elbow. It takes the impact, but it can't move anywhere; it's held in place by this magical--

MARISHA: Do I still have a little bit of movement?

MATT: You do.

MARISHA: Can I move behind it a little bit?

MATT: It would be-- Yeah.

LIAM: Oh, also, sorry. It takes bludgeoning damage from the attack that I gave it.

MATT: Roll damage for that, please. You're trying to move around it? You have about 15 more feet of movement, I'll say.

MARISHA: Can I come right here to it? You know what-- nah, it's fine. Whatever works, it's all good. I'm into it all.

LIAM: Six.

MATT: Six damage, got it. That ends Beau's turn. Jester, you're up. Molly, you're on deck.

LAURA: Having seen Beau do that just then and it looked really cool, I'm going to jump off the wall with my handaxe in my hand and try to come down onto the back of the one right there.

MATT: Okay, so you're going to run across the wall?

MARISHA: Hardcore parkour!

LAURA: That is a 17 to hit! Nine points of damage!

MATT: Nine points of slashing damage against this, nice.

MARISHA: Fighting's more epic when you're flying through the air!

MATT: As you carve down with the axe and it cuts through, it yelps again. You guys are cutting it up pretty bad. It's hurting. It's not on death's door or anything, but it's hurting. Its fur is starting to get matted with its own blood with each blow. That ends Jester's turn-- or, anything else you want to do with your turn?

LAURA: Can I back up? Is it going to get an attack of opportunity?

MATT: Only one way to find out.

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: That's a yes.

LAURA: Oh no! Well, I'm going to move around him. I'm going to move to his tail. To the pillar, yeah.

MATT: Okay, you're right up against the pillar, we'll say. That ends your turn, Jester. Molly, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take a slashing attack at the guy right in front of me.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: That's-- oh, goddamn it-- that's 12 to hit?

MATT: 12 does not hit, unfortunately. It ducks out of the way.

TALIESIN: I'm going to hit it again. Oh my god, it's a natural fucking one.

(mix of cheers and groans)

MATT: You're trying to swing at it, but unfortunately, for some reason, the howl of its presence and it moving so quickly in front of you throws you off and your blades are not going well.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and circle around a little bit to space everybody out a bit.

MATT: That ends your turn, Molly. It's now the wolf's turn. Let's see if they get their breath back. Nope and nope, neither of them do!

TRAVIS: Huge!

MATT: They are both going to make a single bite attack. One of them is going to be, let's see, against you, Yasha. You did the most amount of damage to it, so it's going to make a bite attack against you.

SAM: No!

MATT: That is going to be-- and it has advantage, since you used your reckless. That's going to be--

TALIESIN: It still has disadvantage from the-- for its attack, though.

MATT: Right, so it would have been the first strike. That would be a total of 14. What's your armor class?

ASHLEY: 14.

MATT: Aw, just hits! That would be 12 points of piercing damage as it bites down on you with its giant jaws. I need you to make a strength saving throw, which you do not have advantage, currently, because you're not raging.

SAM: You're still strong.

LIAM: Super buff, and not just in the game.

ASHLEY: 24.

MATT: Success, it does not knock you prone. It bites and tries to throw you onto the ground, but you push off of its jaws and use the back of the wall to steel yourself and kick its mouth off of you and still stand there, resolute, with your blade in hand. The other one is going to attempt to break free. It does not like being held in place by there. What does it have to roll to break free?

LIAM: 15.

MATT: 15? What kind of check?

LIAM: Oh, strength.

MATT: Strength? 13 plus four, that's 17, yeah. It manages to break free of the hand.

LIAM: That's its action, correct, to break free?

MATT: That's its action, correct. It will move over here to flank up right there. Beau, you do get an attack of opportunity as it moves out of the space, and if you hit it, it does prevent it from moving.

MARISHA: (singing) It does! 14!

MATT: 14 hits.

(cheering)

MATT: It gets dragged back. It does not get into melee with the rest of your friends as you grab that tail and then pull it back.

MARISHA: Yeah, that's eight damage. It's like a Loony Tunes cartoon. My heels are dug in.

MATT: As you're pulling the tail, it's screaming.

MARISHA: Show me your belly!

LIAM: It felt its gooch almost rip out.

(sympathetic groans)

MATT: That's going to end their turn. Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to take another attack. Wait, I'm within ten-- oh, yeah, I'm right next to Fjord, huh?

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: All right, I'm going to take another attack.

MATT: Go for it.

ASHLEY: Reckless, all the stuffs.

LAURA: How you want to do this!

ASHLEY: Natural one.

MATT: Good thing you went reckless.

ASHLEY: Natural 20!

(cheering)

MATT: Jesus! I think you found your snitch!

ASHLEY: Okay. Nine, 18 (counting) 25 points of damage.

MATT: 25 points.

ASHLEY: Probably still not enough.

MATT: No, how do you want to do this?

(cheering)

ASHLEY: I want to grab over his head, rip--

MATT: Technically, it's not plus two with rage, because it's not plus seven, right? Because you weren't raging.

ASHLEY: Say that again?

MATT: It's 23.

ASHLEY: It's 23, okay.

MATT: Because you're not raging, remember. There is two damage from that you don't have on the plus seven, so it's plus five.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Still enough to finish it, but I wanted to let you know.

ASHLEY: Wait, what's the plus five-- break it down again?

MATT: It's plus three for strength, plus two for your Divine Fury, and then plus two for your rage damage-- that makes it plus seven, but you're not raging.

ASHLEY: Okay, right, I see what you're saying.

MATT: It had 22 hitpoints left, so you still manage to carve it down.

(relieved groaning)

ASHLEY: Okay, sorry. I need to write all these down in my notes later so we don't have to keep going through this. I'm going to go over the top of his head and force his jaw open and then take my blade and put it through its mouth, straight through its mouth. Skewer it.

MATT: As the blade carves through, you hear it yelp, and its growl turns into this low, guttural (fading growl), and goes limp in your grip as you push it and draw the blade from its body. It slumps onto the ground, right at the base of Jester. Molly, you both take a step back as the body slumps to the ground, no longer moving. Hex is off.

LAURA: I pet him and say: Good doggy.

MATT: That's the end of Yasha's turn. Nott, you're up.

SAM: I do what I always do, I fire my crossbow at the beast, for a 14 to hit?

MATT: That hits.

SAM: All right-- ooh, and it's sneak--

LAURA: It is definitely sneak attack.

SAM: Oh, 12 points of damage.

MATT: 12 points of damage to it, all right.

SAM: How's everyone-- is everyone alive right now?

LAURA: Everyone's up.

TALIESIN: Barely. Yasha could use some healing.

SAM: Yasha's right next to me-- I mean Beau.

LIAM: Ah, couldn't see her behind the wall.

SAM: I will do the same thing. I will reload and fire again.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: That's a miss. Ten points.

MATT: Ten to attack, you mean?

SAM: Ten to attack.

MATT: (arrow firing sound) It goes too wide. It hits the stone behind, almost hitting Beau. You're like (scattering sound) as it sparks off the stone. No impact.

SAM: I'll duck behind the wall and hide like a weakling.

MATT: There you go. Nott the Brave, by the name. Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: With my bonus action, can I transfer my Hex onto this wolf, and can I start running around to get to its right hindquarter? Staying in melee, but getting on its rear.

MATT: Oh, you're going in melee with it?

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: All right, so you move there.

TRAVIS: Can I keep coming this way a little bit more? Yeah, right there. I reach back, and as I start to swing my hand up, I'll summon the Wastehunter falchion and slice up through it.

MATT: As the blade appears in the hand, you see a blast of greenish energy as the blade apparates out of his grip. As he swings upward, it sends an arc of seawater splashing into the air. Go ahead and roll for an attack.

LAURA: Both me and my invoked Jester go: Ooh.

TRAVIS: That's 26 to hit.

MATT: That definitely hits.

LIAM: Is this the same sword we've always seen? I don't remember the word-- Liam doesn't remember the word Wastehunter.

MATT: Same sword, looks a little different.

TRAVIS: 13 points of damage.

MATT: 13 points of damage to it.

TRAVIS: One d6 necrotic for another four, so 17 total.

MATT: As you arc upward, it cuts upward, the splash of seawater mixed with the arc of blood from the wound. The way you carved up hits the back of its thigh, and one leg collapses for a second and it looks over at you with these angry, piercing blue eyes. It's looking pretty hurt. It's limping to that side, now. You guys see that the falchion has a slight curve to it and has a hooked end to the back of its design. That finishes your turn, Fjord. Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: *Ja*, just deadpan, I do this around my hand and I cast three Scorching Rays out of it at this thing. The first does not hit at all, it was a two plus something. The second one hits: 19 plus seven is 26. The third one hits: 16 plus seven hits.

MATT: That hits, go and roll for damage.

LIAM: (counting) Four, five, (frustrated noise). Total of nine fire damage.

TRAVIS: *Nein*!

MATT: Total of nine fire damage to it. As it's turning back and forth and growling, and Beau's harrying it from the side, the two rays of fire slam into its side and it turns back around. You can see the dark burn marks on its white fur where the impacts have started to burn, and you can see some of the skin underneath where the hair has been burned away is black and cracked. It's hurt pretty bad.

LIAM: I call out as I walk backwards slowly: Fjord, you got this? Good. I walk, deadpan, sideways behind that piece of stone.

(laughter)

MATT: Perfect. Ending Caleb's turn, Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to take my staff-- after I threw my sword, I'm going to crack it in the nuts and crack it over the top.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: First attack and second-- first attack is a natural one!

LAURA: It was so slow--

MARISHA: It really was. Second attack is a 17.

MATT: 17 does hit.

MARISHA: That's in there. That is a four, so eight damage.

MATT: Eight points of damage.

LAURA: Maybe the dice gods really want the charity to do well.

LIAM: I think that's it.

MATT: As you slam it with the second hit up in its groin area, it's impacted. It's hanging on. It's hurting, but it's pretty beat up.

MARISHA: Spay and neuter your pets! I'm going to do Flurry of Blows and I'm going to do one more.

LIAM: Oh, get it. Finish him.

MARISHA: Oh my god! Another natural one!

LIAM: That's good.

TRAVIS: Fuck, it really is.

SAM: Terrible.

MARISHA: That's two natural ones in my turn.

MATT: Yasha and Beau have been hitting two sides of coin tonight. All right--

MARISHA: Bob Barker is not here tonight.

MATT: I know, how many ki points do you have left?

MARISHA: That's it. Done.

MATT: That's the last one. All right.

SAM: Oh, no.

MARISHA: Doneskis.

MATT: Well, that ends Beau's turn, Jester you're up, and Molly you're after that.

LAURA: I'm going to Toll the Dead.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: My invoked Jester is going to run around and stand next to Fjord.

MATT: Okay. Runs around-- It rolled a 14, what's your DC?

LAURA: 14.

MATT: Resists it, unfortunately.

SAM: Oh, no. No toll.

MATT: Sorry.

LAURA: No toll or anything.

MATT: Anything else on your turn?

LAURA: I think that's basically all I can do, though.

MATT: Okay. Molly you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to breathe deep and take a run at this damn thing.

TRAVIS: Come on.

TALIESIN: Straight into it and I'm going to come swinging out at it.

TRAVIS: Tell us how you taxidermy it.

TALIESIN: That's a hit, that's a 23 to hit?

MATT: That'll hit.

TALIESIN: This thing doesn't take extra damage from this does it?

MATT: No, it does not.

TALIESIN: No, that's fine. Seven points of damage for the first hit.

MATT: Seven points, all righty.

TALIESIN: Is that right? No, wait, yeah that's right. Then, 23 to hit-- 21 to hit.

MATT: Yep, roll damage.

TALIESIN: That's seven points of damage again.

MATT: How do you want to do this?

(cheering)

TALIESIN: I want to go in and I want to see if I can carve through the mouth as deep in-- I'm going to try and get right in there-- I'm going to do a dental jawbreaker.

MATT: As you go rushing towards it, it opens its jaws to strike. You slide down and with one scimitar you jam up into its lower jaw, which causes its upper jaw to be stuck and as you pull it out its jaw falls open. As it does, your other blade, you backswing dropping-- not dropping, but holding on with both hands on the other side, swing through and as it carves in, you actually get about one to two feet inward as the jaw lulls open. The tongue slips out as you cut it from the inside of the mouth. Its eyes go dull as the creature's body collapses to the ground, no longer moving.

ASHLEY: Fucking yes.

MATT: With that point, the whole crowd goes cheering--

TRAVIS: Yasha, Yasha.

ALL: Yasha, Yasha.

MATT: The gates where you came open, and you all go and return.

LAURA: The minute that it ends I'm going to start casting Prayer of Healing.

MATT: Okay, as you guys step into the back chamber, you cast Prayer of Healing.

LAURA: Yeah. Who all is injured right now?

ASHLEY: I'm pretty bad.

LAURA: One, two, three, four.

LIAM: I'm pretty shit.

MARISHA: I'm not too bad.

LAURA: You're not and you're not at all?

SAM: I've been drinking and hiding.

LAURA: Okay, so I'm going to cast it on the five of us.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: I could get knocked out by a crownsguard right now.

TRAVIS: Could you give it to one more? Do you have to spare?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Okay, I'll take some.

LAURA: Oh yeah, that's what I'm asking. I can do six people.

TRAVIS: Okay, great.

LAURA: That's decent. 14 points to everyone.

SAM: Oh that's great. That's huge. Wow. Healer.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: I think Laura is the best healer we've ever had.

(laughter)

MATT: As you guys pull back into your chamber, there's a few nods. Darrow's clapping and the rest of his team are clapping. There's a clap from two of the Mountain Makers off to the side. At which point, "The Mountain Makers!" are announced and they step out into the space. As they all gather, hiding in the corner, spreading out a bit, two of the sides open. Out of one, two large furred entities about eight to nine feet tall come rushing in with a combination of fur and feathers, these hooked, dark beaks at the tips of their mouths. Two owlbears come running in and go into an assault on these people. They took some hits in the last battle, and as it goes back and forth, you watch as they're striking it and cutting through. The owlbears are screaming this horrible squeal of pain and anguish combined with ravenous anger, and they start tearing and pulling into them. One of them grabs the gnome in its beak, pulls up and tears its throat out. The gnome gurgles as it falls to the ground. The two clerics immediately come up to the side, getting ready to rush out there to try and save its life. Another one of them manages to hit one of the owlbears in its leg as it falls on the ground and they all start slashing on it. It looks like one owlbear is about to fall as the other one, in a complete frenzy either partnered or what, tears and grabs one of the dwarves and starts biting into its face as it screams, it falls unconscious on the ground. It grabs another, and bites into its chest, throwing it into the sky as they spin of to the side. As they all begin to pick up to assault the one that's going after them, the one on the ground slowly gets back up and joins the fray. You watch one by one as these owlbears, on the cusp of dying, tear through the Mountain Makers.

At which point, the crowd goes like (gasp) "Whoa!" Big cheers. Cheers because it's a display, but also that mournful "Whoa", that low base-y sound. At which point you see the two groups come out again with the chains and the come up to the outskirts of the owlbears which then pass out, and they put the manacles on and then pull them away.

TRAVIS: They pass out when the manacles go on?

MATT: Right as they get up to them, they pass out. They pull them off, and drag them, the gates open wipe, the clerics rush out and grab and drag in the bodies. The gnome is gone but one of the clerics reaches over and touches him, and for a moment later (gasps) breath comes back and you watch the wound close up somewhat. Brought from death. As they pull the group in--

LAURA: I need to learn that.

MATT: The shout comes for the next group. "The Stubborn Stock returns!" and Darrow and his team rush out, giving a pat on the shoulder to Yasha on the rush out. They go out to the middle field, the gates close, and there, two of the gates open on the sides and you see these dark shapes kind of--

SAM: Oh, no.

MATT: Almost skittering but shifting, their position seems hard to map. At which point you see Darrow glance on the side and he goes, "Oh no, I know what this is!" You watch as these large panther-like creatures with large tendrils off their back whipping begin rushing inward.

MARISHA: (shouting) Displacer Beasts!

MATT: One of them swings and strikes, but as he strikes it passes through and it all of a sudden shifts, and was not in the space where it blow and it pounces onto one of his adventurers. They begin to hack back and forth, crowding up around each other back to back, one of them is pulling out his longbow and letting loose arrow after arrow. Some striking, some missing. One of them all of a sudden the phase is lost, it gets struck, and now it is in a solid place. They use that moment for all of them to dash in and surround this one creature. They manage to, within one round, carve down this one displacer beast on one side, the other pouncing onto Darrow and holding him to the ground. Its back legs clawing into his belly as the others try and pull it off. Darrow takes a serious series of wounds before he manages to pull himself free. The displacer beast grabs another of its friends and snaps him in his face. He falls unconscious and whips around. They strike at it a few times, but they can't seem to find where its body is. It is dodging around until finally Darrow is back up, his face covered in blood, takes his battle axe and swings wide and clocks it in the side of the jaw. Its strange illusion form vanishes at that point, its body coming to a very condensed location. They all swarm this one, and one by one tear it down for the next round. They're hurt, their bruised, and Darrow's looking rough, but with that the Stubborn Stock raise their hands "The Stubborn Stock, continues!" and the crowd cheers.

LAURA: I was hoping they would lose.

MATT: As they pull back in, the MC walks back out. "Two rounds completed, and only two teams remain for the third and final round, will they all fall? Will they all survive? We shall see as next, we call fourth The Mighty Nein!" Any preparation you guys have in this moment as the doors begin to open?

SAM: Everyone--

TRAVIS: I'm tapped.

SAM: Wait!

MARISHA: I'm so tapped.

SAM: Wait! What if we just stood next to all the doors and held out action until something came out of them?

TALIESIN: Then they would be alone out there for like two rounds.

SAM: What are you talking about?

LAURA: Well we attack and then run to the middle.

TRAVIS: Plus somebody's going to be super danger close right off the bat.

SAM: Yeah, but we get a hit in on them the second they came out.

MARISHA: I'm kind of into it. I--

TALIESIN: That seems like a terrible plan.

SAM: Why is that a terrible idea?

TRAVIS: We've got some super squishy people in here that won't make it past--

TALIESIN: We're all one hit away from--

LAURA: We might get a surprise attack on them.

SAM: We would get a surprise round on them!

TALIESIN: I don't think we would get--

MARISHA: There's only like four doors right?

SAM: Yeah, so pick four people I'll take one of them.

MARISHA: Pick the less squishy?

TRAVIS: All right, if that's what you guys want to do.

LAURA: Let's do it.

TALIESIN: I think it's a terrible plan.

MARISHA: It might be a terrible plan.

SAM: Let's do it!

MARISHA: No, no, no, I'm kind of into it.

ASHLEY: We could also try to get inside and get the chains because they are scared of those and--

LIAM: I am snapping my fingers and bringing Frumpkin scarf-like around my next, under my hood. Just to have him with me.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Seems like a terrible plan.

MARISHA: Yasha--

MATT: At this point the crowd's cheering, "Mighty Nein! Mighty Nein! Mighty Nein!"

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: The doors are open, what are you guys doing?

TRAVIS: I'll go take one of the doors.

SAM: I'm taking a door.

ASHLEY: I'm taking a fucking door.

TRAVIS: For the record, I do not like this plan.

SAM: I love it!

ASHLEY: I don't like it.

MATT: Who's going where?

MARISHA: If we stay flanking somebody, anyone who runs away from us--

ASHLEY: Oh that's true, that's true.

MARISHA: Maybe we can go, you want to take a door?

MATT: How long does your illusion last?

LAURA: Invoke Duplicity I think lasts for-- I want to say an hour but I don't know if it does.

LIAM: I will stay with Fjord.

SAM: I'll take a door.

MATT: Caleb's going to stay with Fjord.

TRAVIS: You should get some distance.

MARISHA: Yasha and I will take a door.

SAM: Just pick me a door.

MATT: Pick you a door? No, you get to pick, Nott.

SAM: This one's fine, it don't matter.

MATT: Right next to there.

TRAVIS: Any ideas?

TALIESIN: This is such a bad idea.

TRAVIS: The idea is that whatever doors they come out of will get one surprise round and then whoever's by those doors better be able to take some damage--

MARISHA: Defend themselves, yeah.

TRAVIS: You don't want to be near me. You should be in the middle able to move.

MATT: What are you doing, Yasha?

ASHLEY: I'm over there flanking with Beau.

LAURA: I'm going to go, with me and you Molly on the other door.

TALIESIN: This is such a bad idea.

SAM: (laughter)

TALIESIN: This is going to be like two rounds to get to whoever--

MATT: How long does Invoke Duplicity last?

TALIESIN: You're going to be alone for two full rounds with whatever this thing is.

MARISHA: I'm fast as fuck.

TALIESIN: Yeah, what if you're there-- what if it comes out of that door?

LIAM: All right, this is how much time we have to plan in the moment as this is happening.

TALIESIN: This is a terrible plan.

MATT: Guys--

MARISHA: Wait what are all the doors by-the-by?

TRAVIS: Yeah, there are four doors right?

MARISHA: There are four doors?

TALIESIN: No, there's one two--

MATT: For one minute, so your Invoke Duplicity's gone.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to hop up--

TRAVIS: I don't know if the map is accurate to how many doors there are--

MARISHA: Yeah, Matt, can you please do us a favor and point out the doors?

MATT: Right. One, two, the map is accurate to them, four--

TRAVIS: Fuck that, no, no, no we've got to get in the middle. This is a terrible plan.

MARISHA: There are five doors.

TRAVIS: There's too many doors.

TALIESIN: Yeah, no.

MATT: Five doors. You guys exit from this one here.

LAURA: I'm going to do the same thing and hop up on a wall like last time.

SAM: Wait, we come in from one of the doors, so there's only four.

MATT: Yeah, you came in from this one.

MARISHA: Oh, that's a good point.

SAM: Yeah, there's only four doors.

TRAVIS: There's those four others besides the one we came in?

MATT: Four others beside you guys yeah.

LIAM: This is about how well we do--

MATT: Guys, quickly. Coming in, what are you doing?

MARISHA: Four doors, four doors, I'm going to-- I'm going to stay by Yasha.

MATT: What's your plan?

MARISHA: Anything else I don't care.

LAURA: I'm going to hold my attack for the door that--

TALIESIN: I'm going to go to the opposite point from Caleb.

TRAVIS: No, no, we got to come in the center, we got to take advantage of the sentinels.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

TRAVIS: That's the point of the feat. We're spread way too fucking thin.

TALIESIN: Yeah, this is so bad.

TRAVIS: Go back in the middle like we thought we were going to do.

TALIESIN: We're going to drop so fast.

MATT: The crowd cheering dies down, what are you guys doing?

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay. How about we take Sam's similar approach, but we guard these four incidences.

MATT: What are you doing?

MARISHA: Okay Yasha and I are going to move here, and guard these two.

TALIESIN: I'm going to go against the wall, against the back of that wall there.

SAM: I stay where I am and I'm casting Mage Hand.

LIAM: It is hard to walk on two legs, maybe four is better.

SAM: Holding my attack!

LAURA: I want to be on the other one.

ASHLEY: Nott, you're staying there?

SAM: I'm staying and I'm holding my attack until something runs out of my door.

MATT: Nott, you're staying there?

SAM: I'm ready to shoot anything that comes out of this door.

TALIESIN: You're going to be at disadvantage because it's going to be right next to you.

LAURA: You're too close.

SAM: No, I'm not. I have a crossbow feat.

ASHLEY: They won't see him maybe they won't--

MATT: As the quiet has this stillness that's come across the whole battlefield, every breath is being held. You all in your chaos, running around and trying to shout orders to each other, you all eventually come to settle in this place. (slow, heavy footfalls, roaring) All the doors come upward. Heavy, repeated footfalls hit, before bursting out of the far end, you see a Hill Giant come barreling through.

(yelling)

MATT: Knocking that pillar down, as it stands there in the center of the field, you see now it's--

TRAVIS: (shouting) My door, my door!

MATT: It has these tiny little spines stuck into it, like it's been agitated and pushed to a point of absolute rage and anger. It's just roaring.

SAM: I-- I let my crossbow bolt go.

MATT: All right, you release it?

SAM: Just out into the-- "Oh fuck!" No, not at it. Nope.

MATT: All right, and this is where we're going to pick up next week.

(yelling)

MATT: Because it's 11 o'clock.

TRAVIS: Two spines in the side.

ASHLEY: Dang it! I want to fight it right now!

MARISHA and MATT: I know.

LIAM: Yep.

MARISHA: I have no ki points.

TRAVIS: Oh my God.

MATT: That's going to be fun.

SAM: That is a huge thing.

TRAVIS: (laughter) My door!

MARISHA: That's good times.

TALIESIN: Aren't you glad you weren't standing there by yourself for that?

TRAVIS: Yep.

MARISHA: I mean--

SAM: Would have gotten two hits in.

MARISHA: You would have been fine.

SAM: We're just as far away from the thing.

TALIESIN: You get one.

SAM: Yeah, but there was two people standing next to that door.

LAURA: No, there was just Fjord.

SAM: At one point there was Fjord and Caleb.

LAURA: Yeah, he moved.

MARISHA: Caleb wussed out.

SAM: If you had stuck to the plan, you would have gotten two hits, and we're all just as far away as we were before.

MATT: It's true. We're going to pick up next week at the start of this final round.

LAURA: Oh, god.

TALIESIN: It would have been three rounds before I could do any damage. Before it killed him.

SAM: Well you shouldn't have been that far away.

TALIESIN: (shouting) It's my door! Oh, my god.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh, my god.

MATT: Oh, man. This is going to be fun.

TALIESIN: Overestimating the value of surprise.

MATT: This is a very angry hill giant rushing towards you right now. Giant great club in its hand. It's going to be fun. All right guys, we'll pick this up next week. In the meantime, have a good week, thank you guys for watching, we love you very much. Check out on Tuesday Pillars of Eternity 2 coming out. Super excited about that. Once again thank you for D&D Beyond for being amazing, and all you guys for checking in. Have a wonderful week, and "Is it Thursday yet?" Good night.