Transcript:The Stowaway

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

TRAVIS: We play Dungeons & Dragons!

LIAM: We should just get a sound cue for that at this point.

TRAVIS: It's expected now.

MATT: It's like our version of (air horn).

LIAM: (like an air horn) Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT: Before we get started, we have some announcements to get to. First and foremost, we have two fantastic sponsors tonight: our fantastic friends from D&D; Beyond return. Sam?

SAM: D&D Beyond, what a year of sponsorship from D&D; Beyond! They've been with us all campaign long, all year long, and to thank them for such a wonderful 2018, I thought I would give them a gift, an ad that will hopefully live on forever. I'm calling it My Christmas Gif. You heard that right. It's not a Christmas gift, it's a Christmas GIF.

TRAVIS: How do you make the letter F with your hands?

SAM: GIF.

TRAVIS: Nope!

SAM: These are two Cs. Or "Jiff" if you want to say it wrong. Here's how it's going to work: I don't know how to make a GIF or a "Jiff," but you fine Critters out there do. So what I'm going to do is do some movements, some reactions, some acting, and hopefully be joined by some fellow cast members. The crew's going to bring out a green screen and we're going to do this over there at this camera. You guys will be encouraged to add your own backgrounds to make this something memorable that can live online so that when you're going through the Twitters or the Reddits or the "Im-i-gurrs", I don't know what that is, "Im-gurr"?

TRAVIS and MARISHA: Imgur.

SAM: Thank you. I'm an old man! When you're going through the Giphys, maybe you'll come across one of these bad boys that we're going to create live, right now, and then send some love to D&D Beyond. I'll act one out. I'm going to go over here to this camera, Matt, if you'll excuse me for one second--

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: We're really doing this?

SAM: Okay, we're making some GIFs, right here.

MARISHA: I can't believe you guys are doing this for him. Max!

SAM: Okay. We're making GIFs. You guys will turn this into a GIF later that will live on forever. There's lots of GIFs to choose from. I'm going to do one. You know the guy who blinks who is like, "Hmm, that's weird?" I'm going to do that. Okay, ready? And action. (humming) Okay! Someone will make that into a GIF! Taliesin, do you want to make one?

TALIESIN: Oh god, not really.

SAM: I'll direct you.

TALIESIN: Okay. No. How are you doing this?

SAM: Here, I'll hold this so you can just act.

TALIESIN: Okay.

SAM: There's a lot of applause GIFs out there, so why don't you do an applause or a praising type GIF? Ready? And action!

TALIESIN: Yes, yes, yes.

SAM: Okay, that was so good. Laura, come on. This is going great, guys! There's a lot of fail GIFs, right? There's fail GIFs everywhere, right? So why don't we do one where you're rolling a dice and oh, it sucked, or something like that, I don't know. Let's see that.

(groaning)

SAM: That was good. I think we need a take-two. You've got to get your hand up here.

LAURA: That was--

SAM: Damn it, didn't work. Matt, do you want to come do one? No, these are all innocent GIFs. You know how sometimes on Twitter you see a GIF where it's like this. Like, "What that commenter said, "I agree." Just do that, just point up and be like "Yeah!" Yeah! Right? Yeah! That's a GIF right there! We just made a GIF! Last but not least, I'll do one, I'll do a success one where a d20 comes rolling in and knocks me out of the frame or something, I don't know, we'll figure it out later!

TRAVIS: What about dramatic prairie dog?

SAM: Oh, yeah, that's a good one.

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: ♫ Bum bum bum! ♫

SAM: That's it! That's a wrap! Thanks, guys!

(applause)

TALIESIN: Well done. Good call, Travis.

MARISHA: Yeah!

MATT: Thank you, Sam.

SAM: That worked so well.

MATT: And thank you, D&D Beyond, for being our fantastic partner through this campaign. Speaking of partners, we have a partner sponsor tonight as well, our returning friends from Rook & Raven. They've been with us before, they return tonight. Creators of the handcrafted, high-quality, disc-bound notebooks that you've seen for your campaign notes, your character notes. They design them for all sorts of role-playing games. There you go with the Mischief and Misadventure one there. The work is fantastic. For the month of December, The Rook & The Raven is donating 100% of their profits to schools, teachers, and community centers to help grow gaming clubs and classes through their Adventure Club Gaming Kits. They're going to be putting everything together and making sure that these schools and the facilities have the necessary materials to help facilitate gaming clubs and getting these kids together to build the strong bonds that I did as a kid, and I'm glad to see that expanding and they're making that happen. Go ahead and give the gift of gaming now by helping support their work and thus, support these kids as well at TheRookAndTheRaven.com/CriticalRole.

TRAVIS: Nice! That's so cool.

MATT: I think it's badass. I love that that is a thing that can happen now. I get messages from a lot of people saying they have gaming clubs at their schools and now there's too many kids playing and like-- that's so-- yay. That's such a surreal reality; I'm so happy about that. We also have some other big announcements this week that we put up. First off, we have a fantastic art show coming up soon. You guys had a chance to see the art book, the Vox Machina final campaign art book, now we get to announce that we have our very first art show to celebrate the fantastic art community that's come out of Critical Role. Each piece of art was created by community artists, curated by us. Tickets for the opening reception will be available this coming Monday, December 17th, and are completely free, and that's just for the reception. You don't need tickets for the two other days. The exhibit will be open through January 20th. You can stop over at any point in the weekend if you missed the actual reception event. It's going to be there. It's going to be at Gallery Nucleus. You can find out all the information for that at CritRole.com. We also announced that on Saturday, January 19th, that same weekend, we are doing a return to Vox Machina one-shot, our first campaign.

LAURA: I'm so excited!

MATT: It's going to be the Search for Grog. For those, no spoilers, but towards the very end of the campaign, something happened, one of our players pulled a thing from a deck of thingy-things and briefly derailed a lot of things, and we just glossed over it. We're actually going to play through that adventure as a one-shot with all the returning members of Vox Machina but two, because Grog is being sought after and another character will not be present.

TRAVIS: (as Grog) I couldn't help it, I'm sorry!

MATT: We could make it, you know--

LIAM: Well, Travis, some might say that you were forward thinking.

TRAVIS: Ooh!

MATT: Super excited about this one-shot and to bring us back into the world of Vox Machina. VIP tickets go on sale this Saturday, December 15th, and general admission which goes on sale on Sunday, December 16th. VIP attendees will have a special swag bag, including a signed Vox Machina print by the whole cast, as well as a special Q&A with Brian before the show. It's got a lot of fun stuff. Once again, go to CritRole.com for all the info. We look forward to seeing you guys there.

(cheering)

TALIESIN: Hosted by Brian Wayne Foster.

MATT: Yes. Also, be sure to join us next week for our very special holiday one-shot, that is being DMed by our fantastic Liam O'Brien.

LIAM: Ha! Ha! Oh my gosh! I'm so excited! I've had this idea in my head for two years!

TRAVIS: You have, that's right!

LIAM: Two years! I wanted to do it last Christmas! I'm mostly ready. We'll see what happens.

MATT: I was not expecting that much exuberance out of you. I am twice as pumped now for this, just from that. That was adorable!

LIAM: It's going to be fun! It's going to be so much fun!

MATT: It's called The Night Before Critmas. It'll air on Friday, December 21st at 7:00pm, so Friday next week, to kick off the holidays right. 7:00pm Pacific at twitch.tv/criticalrole. Last but not least, we also have our very special end of the year State of the Role tomorrow, which will give you more insight into our holiday programming schedule, a few fun things that we have coming in 2019. You can check out all the details tomorrow morning at CritRole.com and probably posted across our socials, so keep an eye out for that. I think that's it?

TRAVIS: Yeah, four pages of notes, I think you got it.

MATT: Yeah, it was a hefty one, it was a big one. On that note, my friends, let's go ahead and dive into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

(no audio) (chanting) Role! Critical! Role! [dramatic Critical Role theme]

LAURA: Roll the dice! (singing) The adventure begins, they were always beside you, your nerdy best friends, and the DM to guide you. And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead. Villains beware 'cause you're about to be dead.

(music)

ASHLEY: (singing) They got magic and flair, they got falchions and cunning. They don't see over there there's a monster incoming. Inspiration is waiting, rise up, don't think twice. Put your fate in your hands, take a chance, roll the dice!

(chanting) Role! Critical! Role!

ASHLEY and LAURA: (singing) Can you answer the call? Diggin' deep in your soul as the legend unfolds. Now it's your turn to roll!

[fire burning]

Part I
MATT: Welcome back. That was adorable, Laura. Last we left off: The Mighty Nein, after spending an exorbitant period of time at sea at the behest of Captain Avantika, on the ship the Squalleater, got pulled into piracy under the banner of The Revelry, brought to the pirate city and island of Darktow amongst the Dragshallow Reefs. There, you uncovered information, proof that she had plans to overthrow the Plank King and rule the seas, along with her fanatical obsession with Uk'otoa. ALL: (whispering) Uk'otoa! MATT: I knew it was coming. You manage to dodge through the night, grab the necessary journal, uncover the information through the cipher, and through a scuffle, survive this fiery battle on the docks from the ship. Through some tactical use of spells and quick members of your party, you got it in the hands of the Plank King. Judgement was brought between the two of you at the dock, and he chose Avantika to go. Upon having her make her leave, violently, gave you guys your reward, which was sparing your lives and telling you to get the fuck out of Darktow and never come back. You were gifted the hobbled, burned form of the Squalleater and left to make your way out towards the ocean where you attempted to search into the backstory of Fjord's relationship with his patron, in search of one of what seems to be the third and final sphere. You made your way down into the wreckage of his ship, The Tide's Breath, and discovered it was one of many in what was called the Diver's Grave, a ship graveyard here in the center of the Lucidian Ocean. In trying to find out where this orb went, you were drawn into the underwater lair of Dashilla the Dreadful. You encountered spirits of long-dead sailors bound there by her magic. You discovered the essence of how she's able to maintain this graveyard and draw ships down below. While she managed to flee before being killed, you grabbed what you were looking for, fled to the surface, and with your ship, escaped the growing storm before any more danger was brought to you. That was where we left off. Mighty Nein, as you've all gathered your things, you can hear the distant crack of thunder as the storm gets smaller behind you on the horizon. What do you want to do? TRAVIS: Should we go back down and just push the button, just make sure that we're wiped out once and for all? I'm kidding. We should make our way over to the Bisaft Isle, right? Need repairs? SAM: Yes. TRAVIS: That would be the thing to do. LAURA: We are pretty hurt here. TRAVIS: Yeah, how's everybody feeling, by the way? Are we damaged, beat up? We all right? LAURA: Nothing that a good night's rest won't help. TALIESIN: Or two... three. SAM: How many days will it be sailing? TRAVIS: I'd estimate probably three or four. MATT: Three or four days from where you are now. SAM: You got it right! TRAVIS: Believe! You hear that? Holy shit, I got it right! As I was saying. Orly, if you would, please plot us a course to the Bisaft Isle. MATT: "Of course, don't you worry." He goes ahead and sets course. The ship makes its turn across the water in the direction of the Bisaft Isle. MARISHA: Bishaft? TRAVIS: Bisaft. SAM: (singing) Bishaft, ah! TRAVIS: No H, it's Bisaft! MARISHA: It's made of fucking cookies. MATT: Bisaft. SAM: Biscotti? MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: Biscotti Islands. MATT: To that degree, you guys have a few days of travel, anything you'd like to accomplish in this time? You've taken a long rest for the first evening. You're restored if you need to restore your spells and hit points. SAM: I have a small list. MATT: What is your small list, Nott? SAM: Okay, you said that we have some cannons aboard. Do we have gunpowder? MATT: Yes. SAM: Okay. I would like to fashion, if I can, three more explosive arrowheads for myself, if possible? MATT: Sure! SAM: Or attempt to. MATT: Sure, let's do it. Let's give it a shot. Roll a tinkering check. SAM: Three times? TRAVIS: Can you do that up in the crow's nest, please? SAM: Right in the belly of the ship. MATT: Are you proficient with the tinker's tools? SAM: I have tinker's tools. Where do I see-- LAURA: How can you tell if you're proficient? MATT: It's under your proficiencies. TRAVIS: Yeah, which on D&D; Beyond-- LAURA: Oh, proficiencies and languages. SAM: Where's that? LAURA: Scroll up... no. SAM: Nope. But I am good with chemistry. MATT: You are! SAM: Which is part of the deal. LAURA: Alchemist's supplies. MATT: It's already powder. It's already explosive. You're just constructing a casing and a means of detonation. Just roll and add your dexterity modifier. SAM: Three times? MATT: Yes. SAM: All right. Two, 11, 13! Plus four. So 17, 15, low. MATT: Okay. You make two. SAM: Hey! That's great. MATT: The third one... SAM: Oh no. MATT: In the crow's nest, as Fjord-- SAM: No, I'm down near the cannons. MATT: Okay. SAM: That's where the gunpowder is. TRAVIS: Why would you be anywhere else? TALIESIN: Literally the first thing they teach you. MATT: The first one goes by easy as heck. You're proud of yourself. Second one, a little tenuous, but you manage to craft it, and that's nice. The third one, roll a perception check. SAM: Three! LAURA: Plus what? SAM: Plus zero. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: You, in all the excitement, and your mind's eye focusing entirely on all the wonderful explosions this is going to cause, aren't paying attention to the wire you're using to seal off where the head of the explosive bolt goes. As you pull, through a series of lucky circumstances, a spark gets hit. There's a brief moment where you hear that (hissing) and you're like "Oh!" There's just a flash. Roll a dexterity check for me-- a dexterity saving throw. SAM: Two! LAURA: It's at an angle! Move your fucking thing! SAM: It is at an angle. MATT: It's still a two, though. Plus? SAM: Plus seven, but wait! Don't I have something on dexterity saves where I can-- LAURA: You get advantage? SAM: I don't know. Don't I have something? I should know my shit! MATT: You really should! MARISHA: You have evasion. SAM: What's evasion? It's an area effect! So if it's a big explosion, maybe? MATT: Correct! Unless your cloak gives you advantage on dexterity saving throws? SAM: No. TRAVIS: Can you uncanny dodge a shitty dex roll? LIAM: If you fail, it's half damage, not full damage. MATT: Correct. So you failed. SAM: Okay. LIAM: Hello! I hear you're trying to do a rogue action. MATT: In that explosion, 13 points of fire damage you suffer, halved because of your evasion trait, so that'll put us at six. You take six points of fire damage as there's this brief explosion that rocks the vicinity and your ears ring. You grab the sides of your face as your eyes attempt to focus. In that brief instant, you see a shape move through the center of the galley. MARISHA: What? TRAVIS: We have a fucking stowaway. SAM: Oh shit! First of all, am I singed? Did the other arrows-- Is everything safe? Is anything else going to blow up? Any other fire? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Six! MATT: Everything seems safe! MARISHA: Just get them all out. TRAVIS: Caleb! Jester! Beau! Everybody, below decks! Find out what that was! SAM: No, everything's fine! TRAVIS: That you, Nott? SAM: I'll climb up. It's okay! TRAVIS: What did you do? MATT: As you guys look up, you can see this smattering of dark soot all across her face. The hair's scattered. LAURA: Oh no, Nott! Are you injured? SAM: There was a booby trap set by Avantika! But I found it and disarmed it! It's all right. We're safe now. TRAVIS: I'm glad you survived. There's a lot of gunpowder down there! SAM: I know. I was just making sure that we were safe and we definitely are now! LAURA: Cure Wounds. SAM: Thank you! LIAM: Do you need to have any company below? SAM: No, I'll be okay below. But Beauregard? MARISHA: Yeah? SAM: In Halfling, I will say to her: There's someone hiding downstairs. We need to act fast, but don't alert the others yet; they'll overreact! You and I are the calm and steady ones. We can deal with this. TRAVIS: Nott! What is coming out of your mouth right now? SAM: Sorry. MARISHA: We were saying our daily prayers. TRAVIS: Y'all have daily prayers? MARISHA: Yeah, it's called, "Get the fuck out of our business." TRAVIS: That's a lot of heat. MARISHA: Sorry. I've been on a boat for a very long time. SAM: I just don't want us to all go down there and scare away whatever it is-- oh, no I'm still in Halfling! MARISHA: You're sure we shouldn't let Fjord know? Or we should just handle it? SAM: What do you think? MARISHA: Do we kill them? SAM: Who, Fjord?! He hasn't done anything to us! MARISHA: No! TALIESIN: Ah, I heard your name. Whatever they're saying, I heard your name. TRAVIS: Yeah, right? You heard that; it was like: (gibberish) Fjord (gibberish). SAM: I don't know how to translate it! LIAM: Caleb starts speaking in Zemnian: What are we doing? What are you talking about? This seems rude to me! What is going on? TALIESIN: What language were you speaking? LIAM: Zemnian. TALIESIN: Goddamn it, I don't know that one. SAM: Gather close, everyone. LAURA: I gather in Infernal. (laughter) SAM: In Common: there might be someone down below, hiding. In my exploration, I might have seen a shape moving down there. I don't want us to go charging down there and blow up--! LAURA: (shouting) It's the Traveler! SAM: Shh! Not too loud! TRAVIS: Are you sure there are no more booby traps below? SAM: I don't think so. This one was very specific in its design, seemed to be a one-of-a-kind thing, I hope. TRAVIS: Can you go back down there? Take Beau, Jester with you, and we will stay up here to make sure they don't get by you on the way out, but you need to find whomever or whatever that was and isolate it. SAM: Isolate! TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: Contain! TRAVIS: Exactly. SAM: Kill! LAURA: What if it's Vera? Do you think it could be Vera? SAM: Didn't she die? TRAVIS: No, she didn't. She was in shackles next to the ogre, right? MATT: No, last you saw Vera she was burned pretty bad. LIAM: He was vague about his wording at that moment. TRAVIS: But! Isolate and contain, go now! MARISHA: (quick footsteps) LAURA: Okay! TALIESIN: Try not to do it-- well-- MARISHA: Before I go down I go: Fjord. Sorry for being a dick. Then just go. TRAVIS: Apologies. TALIESIN: That's an improvement. TRAVIS: Growth. TALIESIN: That's impressive. TRAVIS: (singing) Character arc! TALIESIN: Let's not get ahead of ourselves. MATT: Beau and Nott? SAM: You said Jester, too. LAURA: Me too! TALIESIN: I'm going stay and keep an eye out on deck. MATT: The three of you head down past the galley, or the kitchen where you originally saw the shape move. You're now towards the center where the cannons and the accessible stores of gunpowder are. You guys can see the scarring mark on the wood there where the previous explosion happened. SAM: (talking through his teeth) Near the galley is where I saw the thing move. LAURA: Do I see anything? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Ooh, so much better then mine. LAURA: 23! MATT: Okay then. You glance past the galley; you don't see any movement. You glance across the opposite side near where the stairway leads into the cargo hold below. You look past and you swear you see something looking back from around one of the barrels, then disappear behind it, and you hear (light footsteps). LAURA: Hey! Hello? We saw you. SAM: Is there a way to flank around behind wherever that shape was? MATT: It's possible. Where you saw it was right next to the stairs that lead down into the cargo hold. Whatever the shape was, it moved behind one of the large barrels there, made a run for it, hoping it wouldn't be seen, and then went downstairs. LAURA: Downstairs. MARISHA: It went downstairs? MATT: Into the cargo hold, yes. LAURA and MARISHA: Let's go. MARISHA: Yeah, we go downstairs. I quietly dart forward to block off the path. MATT: Okay, so blocking off the area. Everyone make a stealth check, please. SAM: Hood up. LAURA: Oh! (whispering) I bless you! MARISHA: (whispering) Okay. What is it? LAURA: (whispering) You get advantage. MARISHA: (whispering) Oh, that's cool. LAURA: (whispering) Oh, natural one. MARISHA: Natural 20! Thanks for that blessing! LAURA: Bless you! (clattering) (laughter) SAM: 23. MATT: Okay, that tips the scales a bit, then. You guys are quietly making your way down there, hearing the creaking of wood and the very faint, muffled sounds of waves crashing against the outside of the Squalleater. You see a shape duck down even further back in the cargo hold behind one of the box clusters. LAURA: Can we see what it looked like? MATT: It's too far away and there's no light down there. LAURA: Too bad I can't make light. SAM: Why did he send us three? MARISHA: I put on my night-vision goggles. MATT: All of you have darkvision, as long as you have the goggles on. SAM: Do you want me to go scare it out or something? LAURA: Yeah. SAM: I don't know how to do that. LAURA: Oh. Me neither. MARISHA: (whispering) What? You can be scary! SAM: Ooh! Your duplicate! LAURA: Okay, I was going to say Thaumaturgy, but yeah. SAM: Do that, too! LAURA: Okay, I use Thaumaturgy and I send-- I don't want to use my duplicate. SAM: Just send the Thaumaturgy, then. LAURA: And I use my duplicate! I send my duplicate where the boxes are that they are hiding behind and at the same time I use Thaumaturgy to say: (spooky voice) There are ghosts on the ship! MARISHA: I look at Nott. (whispering) You. Me. Flank. Let's go. SAM: Okay. SAM and MARISHA: (quick footsteps) TRAVIS: Oh good, a little Naruto run? MATT: You guys dart around, with the booming voice of Jester's duplicitous double. There, curved around the corner you manage to all at the same time flank in this area. As you get around the space, you can see they're huddled in the corner. If you'd like to come to the table-- (cheering) MATT: And describe to them what they see. DEBORAH: Sitting in the tiniest little corner, in the littlest ball, I have created an illusion of a halo over my head, so I look like a perfect little angel. It's just a tiny little gnome girl. You would have no idea how old I am. I'm really cute, and there's sticks in my hair, and I got singed a little bit, so one cheek's covered in soot. I have really pretty necklaces. LAURA: (gasps) DEBORAH: I go: Ghosts? Did you say ghosts? I'm scared of ghosts! LAURA: (gasps) Oh! There's no ghosts, you're so cute! DEBORAH: There's chocolate smeared on my face as well. LAURA: Come out! You're so cute! Is it a little child-- SAM: Jester! Fjord, said to contain! (shouting) Get down! I'm going to point my crossbow at her. Get down! Don't say a word! LAURA: You want some candy? Come on. SAM: No! This is not good cop, bad cop. We're supposed to contain! Contain! DEBORAH: At this moment, I push my hand out, and another little hand slides off of it and comes forward. It comes into your face and goes-- SAM: I mean, she's so cute! How could I do that to you? I'm so sorry! MARISHA: Okay, okay! Okay. Who the fuck are you, though? Seriously? TRAVIS: Who the fuck are you, though? DEBORAH: I open up my little cloak and I go: Should we tell them? Okay! I think that-- yes! No, I think they're friendly. It's okay! So I go: I'm Twiggy! (deeper voice) This is Trixie. TRAVIS: Oh no! SAM: Whoa! DEBORAH: Trixie's my bestest friend, and we got stuck on this ship. But I have lots of chocolate and lots of apples. As you can tell, that's all I've been eating! And I wonder if it's okay if I could hang out with you guys for awhile? Until we get to shore? SAM: What were you doing hanging out on a ship in a pirate island? DEBORAH: Hmm! SAM: You're a little cutie pie! DEBORAH: I know! So I just needed somewhere to hide for a while, and there was this box, and it was open, and they were bringing it on a boat, so I was like: Hey sounds like a good idea! SAM: I mean, that seems like a perfectly reasonable explanation for me. DEBORAH: That's what I thought! LAURA: What does Trixie look like? DEBORAH: Trixie's got a big bushy tail, and a cute little-- do you want to see? LAURA: Yeah! DEBORAH: I open up my cloak and sitting in my pocket is the tiniest, cutest little squirrel you've ever seen, with the tiniest little nose. LAURA: Oh my gosh, Trixie would love Sprinkle! My little crimson weasel pops out from the hood on my cloak. DEBORAH: I let Trixie run down my arm, and they boop noses. LAURA: Oh my gosh! DEBORAH: This is a very girly game today. MARISHA: Okay, I feel like we're-- SAM: I pull out my dead rabbit's foot that I have. I have this, too! It's something. LAURA: It's so cute. MARISHA: We're letting the cuteness distract us! Why were you hiding? Sorry, sorry. Why did you feel the need to hide? What did you do? DEBORAH: Well, I'm really nice, but I don't always make the best decisions. MARISHA: I can relate. DEBORAH: Right? MARISHA: I'm so nice. DEBORAH: Totally. I don't know. There was this really pretty thing, and this really bad guy was going to get it. I was like, that's not fair, right? So I took it, okay. I took it. You don't care, right? LAURA: What is the pretty thing? SAM: What sort of thing? DEBORAH: I don't know, you guys. It's kind of tricky. LAURA: Okay. SAM: Do you have it? DEBORAH: Yeah. I look at you all. I say: I never let it leave my side. I turn around and go in my bag, and I'm digging through my bag. I'm like: It's not this, not that one. I've got all these little trinkets of things, even little drawings that I've made and stuff like that. They're little houses and clouds and stuff. I pull out this thing, and it's a sphere. It's made of all these intricate little puzzle pieces. I'm like: See, I can move it around, but I'm not quite sure what it does. But it's clearly really pretty. LAURA: Can I touch it? MATT: In her gnomish hands, this is pretty large. From your perspective, it would be about that big, but for her it seems even that much bigger. It's a brass and golden sphere that consists of many layers of intertwining clockwork, sliding hemispheres, rotating bands, and strange inscriptions. It's this massive, complicated mess of contraption, puzzle, sliding pieces. LAURA: Does it seem magical? MATT: Make an arcana check. LAURA: Whoa. That's cocked. Ooh. SAM: Amazing roll. LAURA: 19. MATT: 19. While she holds it out to you, parts that she's not touching are shifting slightly to where it has a clockwork feel. But then you don't see any gears in the parts that are shifting. They're sliding naturally, with a very faint whir. You can tell there's probably some magic involved, but it's a combination of clockwork and magic. SAM: It's just that we're surrounded by gunpowder down here, so maybe not right now. DEBORAH: I've been playing with it for weeks. Don't worry. LAURA: Have you solved it? Is it a puzzle? DEBORAH: No, but it can do this. Can I do the thing? MATT: You may. DEBORAH: I put my hand on one side, and I pull back one ring. As it pulls around across, at the same time, I click another one to the side. It slides around the side and-- MATT: As the last part clicks into place, there's a (whir, puff), a burst of light. About 15 gold coins go (clanging) to the ground in front. TALIESIN: That's how you get a Pinhead, man. Nope. (laughter) LAURA: Wow, we have gold coins. Is it real gold coins? Is it fake gold coins like you and Caleb did? MATT: You crack a tooth. SAM: Didn't need that one. It's real! LAURA: Wow, that's the coolest thing ever. We just have this lame old dodecahedron. SAM: Don't show her that. DEBORAH: Oh, you've got cool stuff too? SAM: We do. DEBORAH: I showed you my stuff. LAURA: She showed her stuff. SAM: I can't argue with that, either. MARISHA: Okay, I got-- ah, it's happening. LAURA: We have this thing that, if you look really hard at it, you have a special gift. You should look at it. MATT: What she reveals, as she pulls out of this bright pink satchel, this colored leather satchel she has, is this dodecahedron shape that has gold trim around the edges and these handles. It looks like a gray quartz, and it has a very faint hum to it. It seems to glow in a rhythmic, heartbeat fashion. It has this very strong presence, and the air around it has its own subtle vibration. LAURA: If you want to look at it, that's cool. DEBORAH: Yeah, okay. I lean over it, and my eyes are huge, twice the size of my head. Not twice the size, sorry. They take up half my head. TRAVIS: Holy shit! DEBORAH: They take up the whole top half of my face. LIAM: That's pretty freaky, too. DEBORAH: Like the big-eyes pictures. I'm looking into it, and my eyes are reflected back off the thing. I stare, and I let it wash over me. MATT: Which, as you do that, you feel this gravitational pull, your essence drawn towards it. Your peripheral blurs and darkens. Within, you feel like you're leaning into it. It's no longer an object; it's like a pool of water, and you cross the surface, and it's warm. Past that, in the darkness, you see stars, an endless sea of stars drifting towards you and past you. You look ahead, and you can see other little shapes. You look at them, and they're you. They're little ghosted versions of Twiggy. They're all going in different directions, and some of them fade, and some of them are created. Two of them join and create a new light and go in a separate path. In that moment, you see this single, glowing, warm light that appears and presents itself to you. DEBORAH: I totally reach out and touch it. MATT: As you reach out and put your hand towards it, it merges with your hand. The warmth carries through your wrist and forearm. DEBORAH: I giggle. MATT: It gives this warm, interior hug-type sensation. As you close your eyes to relish in it and open them again, you're back on the boat with them. LAURA: When you open your eyes, I've got the thing, and I'm totally fucking with it. (laughter) LAURA: It's pretty cool, huh? SAM: No, we should really have Caleb look at this. He's much smarter than any of us down here. DEBORAH: I take it, and I roll it across the floor. SAM: No! Beau, get it! Get the thing! Get the ball! LAURA: I put the dodecahedron back in the bag. MATT: Okay. As a note, you have what's called a Fragment of Possibility. For the rest of the day, anytime you have to make an attack roll, an ability check, or a saving throw, any roll with a d20, essentially, you get to reroll it. You get to roll an additional d20 and choose which of the two to take. DEBORAH: Just once? MATT: Just once. SAM: One luck. DEBORAH: After I've rolled it, I can choose? MATT: Yeah. DEBORAH: Cool! MARISHA: Hey, Twiggy. Now that you've looked at the fragment, you're bonded to us, which means if you betray us, we'll know how to find you. DEBORAH: Oh, wow. Well, that sounds pretty serious! So cool with me. I like people. I like hanging out with people. I like trusting people. So that sounds great. LAURA: This is awesome. SAM: These are all the right answers. LAURA: We should go upstairs and show you to everyone else. DEBORAH: I'd love to be shown. I have a dance! LAURA: Oh my gosh. I dance behind her. DEBORAH: I turn around and my skirts goes flying up and everything. LAURA: What is this? This is the best day in the universe! TRAVIS: Does she still have chocolate all over her face? DEBORAH: Oh, totally. As we go up to the next level, I take you to my box where I've been living for the last week. It is filled with apple cores and chocolate wrappers and stuff. MARISHA: Is there-- SAM: A stench of urine? MARISHA: Yes. DEBORAH: As you say that I go: Oof. I motion to a corner in the back, and I was like: I'm surprised you guys didn't notice that earlier. It's pretty bad over there. SAM: That's my bad. I'm down here a lot. I thought it was me. TRAVIS: Real perceptive, rogue. SAM: Let's go introduce you to the others. DEBORAH: Oh, but I'm a little shy. Who am I meeting? LAURA: You're meeting Fjord, and you're meeting Caleb, and you're meeting Caduceus, and you're meeting Yasha. SAM: Okay, so they're all big. They're all bigs. DEBORAH: I'm little. LIAM: Which one of these two is taller? MATT: Actually, probably even keel between the two of you. DEBORAH: Nice! We should come up with a dance. SAM: Sure, yes. Yes, we can choreograph something. We've done that before. DEBORAH: Have you? LAURA: Yeah, it's something like this. Then you do this. DEBORAH: You'll have to teach me. LAURA: Yeah. It's a lot of wiggling of your hips, and it looks pretty cool. SAM: No, they're all big, so don't be intimidated. One of them is a big cow man, but he's cool. LAURA: He's got pink hair; he's really pretty. SAM: There's a stony-faced, harbinger of death-type lady. LAURA: She's got wings that are so magical. SAM: She's pretty cool, though. She's cool. She likes flowers. DEBORAH: I like flowers! I dig in the back of my hair into a rat's nest, and I pull out a really old, wilted, dying flower. LAURA: See, Yasha will love that because it's dry like that. SAM: I do the same. I also put flowers in my hair sometimes. LAURA: That's really cool. DEBORAH: Best friends! SAM: Well, I mean, I don't want to-- LAURA: No, it's fine. You guys can be best friends. SAM: No, no! I think she meant all of us. I think she meant all of us. It's okay. You can be-- DEBORAH: We put the flowers behind her ears. They're really old and wilted. LAURA: Thanks, you guys. MATT: At this point, around the side, Marius LePual has walked down into the center of the ship and is standing there. "Who the fuck is that?" LAURA: Our new best friend. DEBORAH: Twiggy! MARISHA: Marius, please god, save me. Marius, let's go. MATT: "You're all scaring me right now. I'm going to go lay down." DEBORAH: I'll follow them up. MATT: Okay, you guys all make you your way back up to the deck of the Squalleater. As you hear the footsteps rising, you look back to hopefully hear information about how things went down with the supposed sound and stowaway. Instead, you see them arrive with Twiggy. DEBORAH: (sings a riff) TRAVIS: What is that? MARISHA: That's what we found. LAURA: (singing) She's so cute. This was downstairs. She's the cutest ever. TRAVIS: Is that mud on her face? SAM: That's chocolate. TRAVIS: Chocolate. DEBORAH: Mm-hmm. You want some? MARISHA: This is Twiggy. TRAVIS: Twiggy. LAURA: This is Captain Tusktooth. He runs the ship. DEBORAH: Oh, wow, thank you so much. TRAVIS: You can call me Fjord. That's not necessary. DEBORAH: Captain Fjord! TRAVIS: Sure. Captain Fjord works. DEBORAH: Fjordy. Fjord and a half. TRAVIS: This is Caleb. DEBORAH: Fjorda people. SAM: Caleb is very smart, and he's good with magic. He can probably determine what you're carrying, what that ball was that Beau has now. LIAM: Who-- what-- how-- why are you on the boat? DEBORAH: Just hanging out! Going for a trip, you know? Seeing the world. SAM: It seemed legit. MARISHA: I call Caduceus over. Caduceus? LIAM: That clarifies that, okay. MARISHA: We found a Twiggy. DEBORAH: Found a Twiggy! MARISHA: She was hiding. SAM: From bad people. Unspecified, so far. MARISHA: She stole this. DEBORAH: I was a little bit bad, but just a little. SAM: Oh, you did something to deserve this? DEBORAH: No, I took it. That's all. TRAVIS: Yasha walks over, and bends over at the hips, and puts her eyes right in front of Twiggy. I like her. She walks away. TALIESIN: I've got nothing, man. I don't even know. LAURA: Fjord, can I talk to you for one moment, please? TRAVIS: Sure. LAURA: We walk away. Just so you know, I think she's really cool, and I don't think anything is wrong with her. I think she's the best thing in the universe. TRAVIS: Yeah, I can tell. LAURA: But in case you're trepidatious, because I can see on your face that maybe you are a little-- TRAVIS: That's my emotion. LAURA: -- I do have Zone of Truth. TRAVIS: Fair enough. How old is she? DEBORAH: Twiggy is doing spins, whirling dervish in the background. TALIESIN: How much chocolate have you been eating? And for how long? Whoa. Oh, wow. TRAVIS: Aren't you worried that her parents are wondering where she is, or her family? LAURA: Oh, well, I didn't wonder about that. I wasn't worried, but I guess I should. TRAVIS: We're in the middle of the ocean, Jester. LAURA: Okay, but her parents were probably pirates if she was stowing away. (gasps) Twiggy! DEBORAH: Yes? LAURA: How long have you been on the ship? DEBORAH: This ship? About a week. LAURA: About a week. MARISHA: This ship? DEBORAH: Mm-hmm. Oh, sorry. Yep, took another one before. I don't know, kind of a habit. MARISHA: Where are you from? DEBORAH: Far, far away. I'm from far, far away. MATT: Port Damali. DEBORAH: Port Damali. SAM: That's not-- DEBORAH: It feels far when you're little and you've been living in a box. LAURA: It's pretty far, actually. TRAVIS: I'm actually from Port Damali. DEBORAH: Well, howdy there, neighbor. TRAVIS: Well, howdy there. What a coincidence. This is so crazy. Are you trying to get anywhere in particular? DEBORAH: Nope, just was trying to get away from Port Damali. TRAVIS: I understand that. LAURA: Are your parents there? DEBORAH: Nope, no parents. SAM: No parents? You're an orphan? DEBORAH: Oh, they died a while ago. SAM: So you're an orphan for a while? DEBORAH: Yep! TALIESIN: How deep are these waters? I'm trying to figure out how much of this is-- obviously, a lot of this is bullshit. MATT: Make an insight check. TALIESIN: All right. SAM: Bullshit? What are you talking about? She's the greatest person in the world. TALIESIN: 22. MATT: Is there anything you want to whisper to him? Feel free to. TALIESIN: Yeah, even just general vibe. DEBORAH: I've honestly been very honest. TALIESIN: All right, everything's been-- DEBORAH: But-- TALIESIN: A little omission maybe? LIAM: I am halfway through Identify on this clockwork gizmo. MATT: Okay. SAM: Oh, she is whispering something. dndbeyond.com/criticalrole, let them know that you came from us. Give them some love. TALIESIN: All right. TRAVIS: Wow, okay. TALIESIN: I honestly think we need to feed you something that isn't chocolate. DEBORAH: Woo! MARISHA: You're a gnome, right? DEBORAH: Yep. MARISHA: Don't gnomes live for a pretty long time? DEBORAH: Yeah. MARISHA: So you could actually be fairly old-- DEBORAH: Who knows! MARISHA: -- and look pretty young. You don't know. You don't know how old you are. DEBORAH: As you see me walk through the shadows, in shadow I could be 60 years old, but when I step out into the light it's like, seven! TRAVIS: Wow. MARISHA: Fascinating. I don't think she's as young as she seems. TRAVIS: Were you by yourself, Twiggy? There's no one else we have to worry about pissing in the corner of the boat, do we? DEBORAH: No one that I know of. LAURA: Except for Trixie! TRAVIS: Who's Trixie? DEBORAH: It's okay! Don't worry, they'll like you! They like me! TRAVIS: Who are you talking to? SAM: She's got a rodent in her pocket. TRAVIS: A rodent? DEBORAH: This is Trixie! TRAVIS: What the fuck is that? Goddamn chinchilla? What is it? TALIESIN: That's a squirrel. I know that one. SAM: It's a squirrel. DEBORAH: It's a little squirrel. TRAVIS: I don't trust squirrels; they're tree rats. TALIESIN: Squirrels are great. LAURA: They're wonderful, Fjord. TRAVIS: You just keep it to yourself. DEBORAH: That's okay. Trixie likes it in my pocket. MARISHA: He has an octopus. SAM: Sometimes a cat, so be careful with your squirrel around his cat. DEBORAH: Trixie's very wily. TRAVIS: Jester, can I put you in charge of keeping an eye on Twiggy? Twiggy, we're going to the Bisaft-- what is it? MATT: Bisaft Isle. TRAVIS: Bisaft Isle. I don't know if you're familiar with that area. We need some repairs, and then hopefully you can find your way from there. DEBORAH: Sure. Thanks! MATT: So you're concentrating on--? LIAM: I was doing a ritual casting of Identify as soon as the thing was in my hands and not talking to anybody. MATT: Okay, so continue while you're doing that. LAURA: Let's sit down. I'll show you how to draw the perfect dick. DEBORAH: (gasps) Perfect! TRAVIS: Caduceus, could you make sure that she gets some real food? TALIESIN: I was just about to go get something with something that's not chocolate in it. That's probably for the best. I'll be back. Oh, boy. MATT: Caleb, as you finish the ritual, your vision crystallizes on the object. As part of the Identify, the information that would transition to you fails. SAM: Oh, shit! MATT: You've tried to Identify non-magical objects before, and been like, oh, this isn't magical. This blocks you. MARISHA: Interesting. TRAVIS: Interest intensifies! LIAM: What is this thing that you have? What is this called? Does it have a name? DEBORAH: I don't think it was on the card. I call it my fun ball of tricks. SAM: Happy fun ball? DEBORAH: Happy fun ball. MATT: Do not solve happy fun ball. DEBORAH: Must solve happy fun ball. LAURA: Where did you get it from? LIAM: Yeah, did you make it? Did you get it from someone else? DEBORAH: No, it was sitting somewhere, and I was like, this is cool! LIAM: In a museum, or--? DEBORAH: Kind of, yeah. It was on a little pedestal, and people were looking at it, and it had a little card on it. Then I saw this guy, and I was like, he's a mean man, and I said-- SAM: Was he the docent or something? DEBORAH: No, he wasn't wearing a uniform or anything. SAM: Why did you think he was mean? What gave off that impression? DEBORAH: (whispering) I've seen him before. SAM: You know him? DEBORAH: Yeah. SAM: Oh. DEBORAH: He's a rascally man. LIAM: What's his name? DEBORAH: His name? LIAM: Yeah. DEBORAH: Sir Cadigan. LIAM: Sir Cadigan? That's a good name. MARISHA: Was this in Port Damali? DEBORAH: This was in Port Damali. You are smart. LAURA: Do we know of any museums or places with magical items in Port Damali? MATT: Make a history check. Low DC, since you're relatively local. LAURA: Natural 20! MATT: There's not so much in the way of museums, per se, but there are collections. There are collectors, and those are usually private and invite-only through mutual merchants and nobles and people of affluent nature. But there are two auction houses where a lot of these items are sold and traded by these collectors. One exists in Port Damali. It's called the Exalted Collection Auction House. SAM: The Exalted Collection. LAURA: I don't know how to spell exalted. SAM: You can copy off of me. LIAM: Well, Twiggy, tell me. This happy fun ball of yours, what does it do? DEBORAH: Well, it makes money, for one. LIAM: How much money? DEBORAH: Depends where you touch it. SAM: She made 15 gold pieces down there out of nothing. LIAM: That's a Frumpkin and a half. DEBORAH: This is true. I've heard of these frumpkins. I'm just kidding; I don't know what that is. LAURA: That's his cat-octopus. Owl, also owl. LIAM: Sometimes a spider and other things as well. This does other things besides making money? What else does this do? DEBORAH: I've played with it a lot, and all kinds of little flashes and things go off. LIAM: Okay. TALIESIN: I'm coming up with a veggie plate, by the way, the sort of things you're embarrassed your parents bring up, and putting it down. DEBORAH: Twiggy goes: Yum! And digs right in. TALIESIN: Do you have any future plans here? Is there something that you're moving towards? Do you have a place that you're heading, a goal, anything? DEBORAH: I like making friends. TALIESIN: That's great. DEBORAH: I go around looking for friends. I give my most winningest smile. TRAVIS: That is heavily disarming. TALIESIN: You're doing great, then. But there's a direction, a cardinal direction that you're making these friends in, or do you--? DEBORAH: Things just sort of happen to me. MATT: Make a perception check. DEBORAH: Sometimes I do things, and then I end up somewhere. I go where the wind blows. LIAM: 21. MATT: As you're inspecting this, there are sections of it, Rubik's Cube-esque, where you have to rotate an area to allow another part to rotate, and there's a strange order to these. One, for things that should be rotating freely, there's a consistent resistance to it. You also notice, between the seams where all of these pieces of metal overlap, where there's a slight gap, if you manage to hold it in shadow or put shadow over it, there's a very faint blue-green glow that barely peeks through each seam from the inside of this sphere. There definitely is magic. You're a smart guy. You're starting to look it over. You're like, some of these patterns, maybe could figure it out. You do notice that a lot of the strange inscriptions on it appear to be complicated variations of basic conjuration glyphs. None that you've seen, but you can see the similar shapes, the similar equation-type connection between these glyphs. LIAM: That would explain the money, yeah? MATT: There is a strong conjuration element all across, and very minute, impossibly small engraving across the metal. LIAM: Can I tell how old this thing looks? MATT: No idea. All the metal's pretty well kept. It's pretty polished. There's a couple of errant smears of chocolate caught in some aspects of it, a few sticky fingerprints in some areas. TRAVIS: It's like the worst controller you've ever picked up at your friend's house. You're like, oh. Chocolate and Cheetos and all sorts of shit. LIAM: Cheeto dust sprinkles out. LAURA: Maybe it's like a piggy bank or something. Maybe it holds a certain amount of coins, and you have to turn it the right way. Can you hear coins? LIAM: No, I don't hear anything. LAURA: Maybe they're really jammed in there good. Maybe it's because there are so many, they don't shake around. LIAM: Is it limitless? Does it make money all day long? DEBORAH: Yeah, every time I twist it in that one way, it'll make money drop. LIAM: Can you show me the one way? LAURA: How much money do you have down in the box? Because that's a lot of times! DEBORAH: Who needs money? LIAM: Excuse me, one moment. Twiggy? DEBORAH: Yes? LIAM: Would you show me how you make money with it? DEBORAH: I take it back, and I sit down, and I cross my knees. I put it in my lap, and it's like this giant beach ball. I do this same movement where I pull it from the top around so that it opens up, and then I can use my thumb. You see my fingers are actually long and slender and perfectly suited for this. It pushes around the other side, doing the same movement I did before. MATT: This time, (puff), you see this flash of white light, and eight gold coins clank to the surface of the ship. TALIESIN: Oh, would you look at that. LIAM: May I see that one more time? DEBORAH: I roll it across the floor to him. Catch! LIAM: From perfect memory, I duplicate what she just did. MATT: Okay, (puff), white flash. Four gold coins. LAURA: Oh, it's half every time. LIAM: Well, I take them. TRAVIS: 15, eight, four. DEBORAH: I pick up the eight, and I say: You want those? LAURA: Oh, Nott already took them. DEBORAH: The eight that came out when I did it the first time. MATT: Yeah, Nott already took them. DEBORAH: Oh, you already did. Okay, so never mind. I missed it. TALIESIN: You mind if I take a look at that really quick? LIAM: Yeah. I walk it over to him. Here you go. TALIESIN: You can roll it. It's all right. LIAM: No, I don't think that's a good idea. TALIESIN: I'm going to try to move some stuff and see what happens. MATT: Roll an investigation check. TALIESIN: Oh, man. Awesome. Oh, no, damn, it was almost a natural one. I'm so sad. That's a six. MATT: Okay. You find one section that shifts, following suit with her, and it sticks. Yeah, you're not getting anywhere. DEBORAH: It's hard. TALIESIN: Huh. That's really cool, though. I imagine doing that all day. That'd be great. Yeah, I can imagine doing that all day. DEBORAH: Welcome to my world. TALIESIN: Wow. Rolls really well, too. I'm sorry, I don't actually even remember why I asked for it. DEBORAH: I pick it up and do that basketball thing. TALIESIN: Oh, that's fancy. LIAM: What are we going to do with this little kid and/or old lady? TRAVIS: Well, I think we'll take her to the island and then, obviously, give her a chance to continue her adventure. LAURA: She can stay with us forever. TRAVIS: Well, now, Jester, look, I loved Kiri as much as the next person. So much, just, mm. LAURA: Yeah, Kiri's wonderful. TRAVIS: Yeah, so great. But I also don't want to be responsible for anyone that can't take care of themselves. LAURA: You can take care of yourself. She made a hand. Can you do cool things? TRAVIS: She made a what? MARISHA: Yeah, it was super freaky, actually. TRAVIS: Are we forgetting to describe things that are of import on this ship? She did what? SAM: She has a bit of magic. DEBORAH: At this point, I walk up to you and I say-- oh, no, I walk up to you. I say: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? LIAM: Oh no, don't you dare. DEBORAH: Ten tickles! And I cast Hideous Laughter. MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw. LIAM: It's an 18. DEBORAH: So it doesn't work, but I go: Funny, huh? LIAM: Yeah, I'm not a happy guy. TRAVIS: I wanted to see a Caleb laugh so bad. MATT: I know! TRAVIS: Oh my god! Like some horrible crash. DEBORAH: It's an octopus joke! LIAM: (awkward, forced laughter) TRAVIS: Okay, so she's not entirely invalid. LAURA: Fjord, what are you doing? TRAVIS: What? SAM: He's assessing his new crew. This is what a professional captain does. TRAVIS: That's right. Jester, you would not want guilt over bringing in sweet Twiggy here to what could be certain doom. That's what we do; we seek out certain doom. DEBORAH: Sounds fun! TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: Just to allay some of our fears, were people actively pursuing you and chasing you when you got onto this boat? And if so, how many? TRAVIS: Tell the truth, now. DEBORAH: Oh, I always tell the truth. Mom and Dad said, very important to always tell the truth. SAM: May they rest in peace. DEBORAH: Thank you. To be perfectly honest, yes. There were quite a few people chasing me. But I'm super fast. Not really, I'm just really sneaky. SAM: Do you think they might still be chasing or tracking you or wanting to find you? DEBORAH: Hadn't really thought about it. SAM: Ooh. That's not great. TRAVIS: Well, you said you got that nice little sphere there; anything else we should know about, maybe? DEBORAH: Fun ball of tricks! TRAVIS: Fun ball of tricks, yes. I will not forget again. Anything else we should know about that people might wish they had instead of you? DEBORAH: That's all I've got right now, but I do have sticky fingers. I hold them up, and they're covered in chocolate. MATT: Who's got the sphere? TRAVIS: Caduceus had it last. DEBORAH: He's had it. We've been playing, and I twirled-- TALIESIN: There was a twirl, and it went back. LIAM: Do you have any prospects? Any long-term plans, goals? Where do you see yourself in a year, let alone a week from now? DEBORAH: Hanging out with you guys! LAURA: Yes! Best answer ever! TRAVIS: Oh, great. LIAM: What about Kiri? LAURA: What about Kiri? LIAM: What about Nott? LAURA: What about Nott? We're all friends. What about Cali? We all love each other so much. MARISHA: I'm a little confused at your implication as well. TALIESIN: I'm going to Detect Magic to get a-- DEBORAH: On me? TALIESIN: Yeah. DEBORAH: Detect Magic! MATT: There is a powerful magical essence emanating from that sphere. TALIESIN: Okay. No one's got anything sitting on her? MATT: A different kind of magic, but comparable to the dodecahedron in some ways. TALIESIN: Okay. Same vibe. MATT: Yeah, and there is two faint magical auras on her person. SAM: (whispering) She's holding! DEBORAH: Would he know? Could he be able to tell? MATT: He would be able to tell if there was something magical on your person. He wouldn't know any more than that. SAM: Caleb would know. TRAVIS: Jester, I'm going to leave you in charge of Twiggy, all right? We've got to make for this island. You keep an eye on her. I don't want to see any chocolate thumbprints in my quarters, you understand, Twiggy? DEBORAH: Done. TRAVIS: Okay. TALIESIN: Those were all over it, then. TRAVIS: All right, you're in charge. LAURA: Hey, don't steal from us, okay? DEBORAH: Nope! LAURA: Good. See, we're good! MARISHA: As Fjord gets the boat going, I follow after Fjord. SAM: I'm going to, seeing as how she said there are folks chasing her, as we get going again, go up to the crow's nest, and do a scan with my awesome perception, and see if there's any boats trailing us. MATT: Make a perception check as you clamber up to the top of the crow's nest and glance over the horizon. SAM: 11. MATT: Looking off in the horizon, you currently don't see any ships that are immediately pushing into the territory. You're following Fjord. MARISHA: Do you need help getting the boat-- ship sailing? Ship moving? Whatever. TRAVIS: Yeah, of course. Feel free to lend a hand. MARISHA: Am I the only one that's not beguiled by her charms? Twiggy? TRAVIS: No, you're not the only one. I don't trust that shit. MARISHA: Me neither. Anything that cute-- TRAVIS: That saccharine? Yeah, you need some salt to balance that shit out. MARISHA: Have you ever noticed that pomeranians are the nastiest dogs you've ever met? TRAVIS: What's a pomeranian? MARISHA: They're poofy. They're super adorable. They'll eat your face. SAM: I run over to them and say: Oh, Twiggy just did this thing with her tongue where she made it into a circle. It was really great; you've got to see it later! DEBORAH: Not everyone can do it! SAM: It's really cool. TRAVIS: Maybe we throw her overboard. MARISHA: That's a solid option. Like a Plan D. TRAVIS: When you were down there with her, did she try any shady shit? MARISHA: She definitely has some magic capabilities. She cast this illusion that made her hand look like it was extending. I think it was supposed to be cute, but you know that uncanny valley? It was a little weird. It's unsettling. TRAVIS: Right. Okay. MARISHA: Hey, I have another question. TRAVIS: Yes? MARISHA: Since you're captain now, right? You're captain? TRAVIS: Apparently. MARISHA: Will you train me to be your first mate? TRAVIS: Yes. Yes, I will. MARISHA: Really? Okay. TRAVIS: Are you up for it? Lot of responsibility. You've got to, like, co-sign for the boat and shit. MARISHA: Yeah, okay. TRAVIS: Shake on it? MARISHA: Deal. TRAVIS: All right, first mate. MATT: It stings you a little bit. Your wound's still fresh. TRAVIS: Ah! Fucking Cobalt grip. MARISHA: Sorry again for being a dick. I think I've been a little bit on edge with the boat. TRAVIS: It's all right, I'm kind of immune now. I just take it. MARISHA: It's really just a knee-jerk, it would've happened if it was anybody. You could've been a scarecrow, and I would've been like, "Fuck off, bro!" TRAVIS: I feel so special. MARISHA: Okay, let's go. MATT: You do also know, as you're heading into legal territory under the Clovis Concord, that you have a ship that is known and labelled as the Squalleater, as damaged as it is. LAURA: Oh no! SAM: Change the name! TRAVIS: (burbling) That's my call. (burbling) Forward deck. SAM: The Squallbeater. The Balleater! LAURA: The Balleater! TRAVIS: We need to change it to the Balleater as quickly as possible. Nott, I need you to hang over the side of the ship with a paintbrush-- LIAM: That's going to draw attention to us. TRAVIS: -- inches above the water and change the name of the ship to the Balleater. MARISHA: It actually works pretty easily! You just add a line, and then you paint over that. TRAVIS: Can you do it? DEBORAH: I say: Don't worry about it! Don't worry! Again, this hand comes off of my own hand. I flick it, and it flies off and it comes and picks up the paintbrush. I lean over the side, and it goes down and starts to change your title for you, without having to risk his life. LAURA: Wow. She can paint, too. MATT: Roll a dexterity check for me. SAM: I never remember to use it like that. MATT: This is dexterity, to see how well you can paint it while upside down. DEBORAH: Natural 20. TALIESIN: This is apparently a Mary Poppins musical act. MATT: Apparently! Not only does she manage to entirely erase the beginning of the word "Squall," but has beautifully calligraphied the B of "Ball" to where it looks almost like a set of balls, if interpreted that way. It has this nice sparkly border around it now. It's like (singing) Balleater! It's almost got jazz hands. DEBORAH: Shadowed and decor. MARISHA: I agree with Caduceus. TALIESIN: Calligraphy's very impressive. LIAM: Is this regular paint or the magic paint? MATT: This is regular paint. LIAM: That's good! LAURA: As a side note, I am hiding my magic paint like whoa. MATT: Good to know. DEBORAH: It comes back up and it paints a mustache on me, and I go: Arr! TRAVIS: On who? DEBORAH: On me! TRAVIS: I thought it was on me! I was like, (yelps). SAM: Wow, that was very impressive! LAURA: That's really good. That's really, really good. SAM: You've made some allies today with that. TRAVIS: You're a temporary pirate now. DEBORAH: (gasping) My eyes get even bigger. TRAVIS: It's a great honor; don't mess it up. What were you saying? LAURA: We should take the sail down. TRAVIS: Yeah, I was going to say we probably took stock of any colors we have that we can run up that aren't associated with the Squalleater. MATT: There are no colors on deck that aren't associated with it. The only colors that are on deck were the colors that the ship previously sailed. TRAVIS: We still have some fire damage on the boat, though? We're going to play that. Our flag was burned. LAURA: Our flag was burned by pirates. SAM: We could paint a new flag with your brush. LAURA: Yeah, but that's a really big amount of paint to use for a flag. MATT: Make a history check, Caleb. SAM: Okay. Are you ever going to use that paint? LAURA: Yes, I am. LIAM: 21. MATT: You keep thinking on that sphere. You've read about similar objects, especially the conjuration aspect of it, that are used as focuses, similar to a bag of holding, to maintain and contain things for powerful mages. Its construction makes you feel like it's very old. Probably pre-Calamity. TRAVIS: Get the fuck out of here. What? That's so old. MATT: Pre-Calamity is 800 years, and there's a whole era of very powerful magic-- TRAVIS: Is it only 800? I thought it was 8,000. MATT: No, 800 years ago was the Calamity. Or a little over 800. TALIESIN: Caleb, just a second? Just thought you should know there's a couple interesting magical auras on our new friend. I thought it would be impolite to point it out or to dispel anything. I try and respect people's personal intentions, but if you feel the urge to do a little Identify at some point, that may not be a bad idea. I don't know. Just to make sure that everything that's there is meant to be there. LIAM: Noted. TALIESIN: I'm not getting a bad vibe off of this one, just a lot of sugar. Being held up for a while in a dark, confined space can make people a little loopy. LIAM: I am also worried about traveling around-- Well, I am not a fan of the name Balleater for this boat. TALIESIN: No, I also agree. I think it draws an unfortunate amount of attention. (laughter) LIAM: On a similar note, I feel like our new miniature friend will also draw attention. TALIESIN: That's fair. That's a very fair point. LIAM: Maybe I'll have a chat with her, get us on the same page. TALIESIN: I don't know if she's necessarily going to listen to you. She's a little-- LIAM: Sometimes people listen to me. TALIESIN: That's very true. You do have an air of authority. You do! Right now, I'm feeling really awkward about this whole conversation purely from your face. Your face has done nothing, and now I'm just-- LIAM: Well, it takes two to tango. My palms are sweating at the moment. TALIESIN: That weirdly makes me feel better. I'll disengage straight up, then. LIAM: I am going to find our little friend. TALIESIN: That's fine. I'm going to go over and cook something. LAURA: Do you want to say we're up in the crow's nest? Is that a good place to be? Or would you like to be somewhere else? I know you've been below deck for a very long time. DEBORAH: I've climbed up on those things, and I'm swinging back and forth on the ropes and the hooks on the main mast, wind in my hair. MATT: As this is happening and you're approaching, Caleb, you see Orly sitting there with his giant tortle arms looking up with his craned tortle neck, and going, "Hmm." LIAM: How long has she been doing that for? MATT: "Far too long." LAURA: I'm in the crow's nest going: Twiggy? Twiggy, seriously, come back to the crow's nest, though! DEBORAH: Five more minutes! TRAVIS: Oh no! LIAM: Bitte, a moment of your time, just to have a chat. You can keep swinging, but could you swing a little lower? DEBORAH: I jump. It's really light and beautiful, almost like I couldn't fall at all. You see me grabbing on the hooks like a little monkey. I fly down the mast and jump down so I can sit right next to you. LIAM: All of that movement is making me nervous. DEBORAH: Don't be nervous! LIAM: Welcome to The Mighty Nein. DEBORAH: (counting) That's weird! LIAM: It's sort of a running gag, but it's our name. DEBORAH: I love gags! LIAM: You know, if you're going to be traveling with us for a while, I have a few suggestions. DEBORAH: Okay. LIAM: So three. The first of them is probably when we get to land, it will be better if you kept a low profile because we sometimes cut a rough swathe wherever we go and I can't guarantee that someone is not familiar with us. So I would hate for any danger to, you know-- best not to call attention. DEBORAH: No more friends. Don't make any more friends. LIAM: Well, just stick with us for a little while, and see how that works out. DEBORAH: I love that idea. LIAM: Okay. The second suggestion is that you should meet my cat, Frumpkin. DEBORAH: I put my hand over Trixie, in my pocket. LIAM: What's the matter? DEBORAH: Does your cat like squirrels? LIAM: Oh, my cat is very well trained and will not hurt your squirrel. I promise. DEBORAH: So is Trixie. (as Trixie) Yeah, I'm real good. (as Twiggy) Sorry. It's me saying it! It's not Trixie, it's me saying it. (as Trixie) I'm crate trained! LIAM: I scarcely know what to do with you. We'll get to the cat in a minute. I will so gladly introduce you to my cat because I'm very fond of him and love for people to meet him. But before we do that, the third suggestion is-- and I cast Suggestion-- I suggest you share any strange or unique or arcane objects or things even that are of threat with me just so I know that we are safe. MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw. DEBORAH: I have advantage on this. LIAM: That's rough. DEBORAH: 14. LIAM: 16. MATT: So yeah, it takes effect. DEBORAH: No worries. I scramble up to you and I try to sit in your lap. LIAM: Oh, how about you just sit next to me? DEBORAH: I lean my head on your shoulder, and I say: Okay, so I have this little pouch. Out of my bag, again there's feathers and fleece and all this sand and stuff I'm pulling out. I pull out a little cube and say: This is my achoo dust. LIAM: Oh, put that back in your pocket. DEBORAH: It goes back in my pocket, and then I go: You want to see something cool? LIAM: Always. DEBORAH: I go and lift up my cloak and put it over my head. As I do that, another little Twiggy shows up right next to me, and when I move she moves. I go: Look! And we do a little dance for you. LIAM: I put one of my hands through their heads. DEBORAH: One of them, yes, it's an illusion. LIAM: Oh, that's good. DEBORAH: Yeah, people have a real hard time getting me. LIAM: Yeah, I'm not going to try to do that. DEBORAH: Yay! LIAM: Is there anything-- LAURA: I'm watching from the crow's nest. MATT: Every time she goes into that pouch and opens it up, you can still see taking up a large portion of it, massively, like a distended backpack, is the slightly shifting clockwork of that sphere. DEBORAH: I take my hood off and go: Neat, huh? LIAM: Yeah, the neatest. Do you have anything that is harmful or is it just those two things including your puzzle ball? DEBORAH: I say: Well, these can do some damage. TRAVIS: Your hands? LIAM: Yeah, okay, well-- MARISHA: These are registered deadly weapons. DEBORAH: Don't mess with me! LIAM: For what it's worth, I apologize, and here's my cat. I turn Frumpkin the first night on this boat into a cat and use the last of my supplies, so it's Frumpkin the cat right now. That's Frumpkin. DEBORAH: That's Frumpkin. LIAM: He is best cat. DEBORAH: Can I pet? LIAM: Of course. He's already climbing up her shoulder. DEBORAH: I pet him and it's like: Ooh, I love your cat! Ooh, that tickles! LIAM: I tell him to do a blep. So he just does this-- DEBORAH: And Twiggy goes-- back. LIAM: All right, you're okay. You can hang out with Frumpkin for an hour. (laughter) DEBORAH: Goody! I sit on the floor and Frumpkin and I start booping each other on the nose. LIAM: I go and sit like 20 feet away and watch to make sure everything is on the up and up. DEBORAH: And that's eight hours on Suggestion? LIAM: Yeah. DEBORAH: Okay. MATT: Well, until the directed activity is completed. LIAM: Well, if she's shown me everything of arcane nature. DEBORAH: I've shown you all the magic stuff on my person. MATT: Then yeah, so Suggestion has worn off. DEBORAH: I go: Pftt, I know that trick. I give you a high five. Down below. (laughter) MATT: Most awkward on-ship high five ever. LIAM: We're going to force perspective this shit. (as Gandalf) Hello, Twiggy. MATT: As your new compatriot for this journey seems to have, for the time being, accepted into your wings, is there anything else you want to do? TRAVIS: I'll be showing Beau the ropes, first-manning the ship. MATT: All right, so you're getting that situated. TALIESIN: I'll be finishing up some stuff in the kitchen. I'm going to run by Caleb one more time to have a chat about what he saw. Just mention, we've got two magical spheres on board. The one's like a clock thing-- LIAM: Maybe three. TALIESIN: Technically three. LIAM: One is in Fjord's gooch. TALIESIN: I was thinking it's like a clock. Maybe that means time-- I don't know if time's passing, or something. LIAM: Oh, I'm very curious about it. I would like very much to see if she's willing to sell it or part with it somehow. TALIESIN: Or at least let you take a look at it for a while or something. Maybe, I don't know. It gives me a chill. Not sure. LIAM: I was not paying attention. Has anyone said how long it is until we reach land? TALIESIN and LIAM: Three days. MATT: From this point, a little over three days. LIAM: Maybe she'll lend it to me. LAURA: I'm going to teach Twiggy all about The Traveler. He's pretty cool. DEBORAH: Cool. MATT: So The Traveler, she explains to you in a very truncated way, is the being that she worships but talks with and taught her a bunch of things and they've been a friend. Anything else you want-- LAURA: I feel like he would like you a lot, you know, because number one, he likes people that can be sneaky because it's fun, right? And you can be sneaky. DEBORAH: It's the most fun ever! LAURA: Also, he has a cloak, just like you have a cloak. Really cool. Also, he always kept me company. I know you had a lot of time by yourself, right? So did I, and he always kept me company. DEBORAH: Is he like (as Trixie) Trixie? LAURA: (as Trixie) He's not quite like Trixie. He's more like (high-pitched) The Traveler! DEBORAH: The Traveler! LAURA: And he comes and he's over here! DEBORAH: Oh, that's cool! LAURA: But you can talk to him. You could try any time. He's around, you know. DEBORAH: Hello, Traveler! I don't hear anything. LAURA: Well, hold on! Give him a minute! Traveler, come on, I'm trying to bring somebody to you right now! DEBORAH: I'm trying! Maybe he doesn't like me. LAURA: No, he likes you a lot, I can tell. DEBORAH: Okay. LAURA: Yeah. Don't worry. He'll make himself known to you. DEBORAH: Yay! TRAVIS: Oh my god. SAM: You had mentioned briefly that some of Avantika's men and helpers had been armed with firearms. If I scout around, is there any ammo aboard this ship? MATT: Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: Shit, I totally fucking forgot about that. The first time we got on the boat. SAM: 29! Wait. 28. MATT: Doing a thorough pass on the crew's quarters, the remnant of the crew that now is arrested or worse on the island of Darktow, yes. You manage to scavenge up two boxes of firearm ammunition. SAM: Any that fit the gun that I have? MATT: Yes, actually. SAM: I stole a gun a while ago. MATT: Yeah, from Hupperdook, I think it was, right? TRAVIS: I don't think we were here. SAM: Oh, you might have been-- LAURA: No, we were around for it. MATT: You manage to pull together 22 shots. SAM: That fit my piece? MATT: That fit yours. There are a few others that don't quite. They're made for a larger rifle-type, but these particular iron balls will fit yours. SAM: Like that? TRAVIS: No. That's a kill shot. SAM: Cool. Thanks. MARISHA: Actually, going off of that, because I meant to do this last episode, did Avantika have anything fabulous in her wardrobe? TRAVIS: Oh, that's right! LAURA: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we were opening her closet. MARISHA: We were opening it up. MATT: Oh yeah. There are plenty of coats, hats, scarves, all kinds of things. Most of them in a similar vein to what you see her wearing. Most of them are long coats with the sleeves removed, a high collar. Big, billowing scarves and cravats that are varying degrees of well kept. A lot of these she's had for a long time and, as such, at sea, there's weathering. Some of them have grown damp and have a little mildew at the very edges but have been scraped off multiple times, which give it a cool look, but maybe a little bit of a musty smell. LAURA: Mending! MATT: There's a number of interesting outfits of a dead woman that you manage to scavenge. MARISHA: I take one of her darker overcoats. LAURA: The rest of the days I'm going to parade around the deck in her clothing. Different outfits. MARISHA: Jester gives us a fashion show. TALIESIN: This is dark. Even for me, this is dark. MATT: Anything else? LIAM: This is still the same day, correct? MATT: Yeah. We can continue this journey to the second day if you want to, but it's up to you. LIAM: Yeah, hello, your hour is up, I need my cat back now. DEBORAH: (sighs) Give him back. LIAM: Okay. Maybe another day, though, you can see him again. I'm sorry that I used arcane trickery on you. May I borrow the Happy Fun Ball for a few hours, just to play with it? DEBORAH: Hmm, okay! I take it out of my box and I roll it to you. MATT: (crashing) LIAM: If you want this to poop coins, I don't think you should do that too much. DEBORAH: I don't know, never was a problem before. LIAM: You've had it for a week? DEBORAH: Yes. LIAM: Oh boy, oh boy, okay. I wander off with it to study it. MATT: Make an investigation check. DEBORAH: I put my head on his shoulder. What you doing? LIAM: I rolled a 16. Sometimes it takes a while for my mind to settle on truths, and I'm having a hard time thinking about it right-- you know, maybe I will save this for later. MATT: You rolled a 16, you said? LIAM: Ja. MATT: As you're saying this absentmindedly, you find another portion of it that previously was locked in place and wouldn't move. You manage to rotate one band and all of a sudden it comes free and turns as well. You start shifting it a bit and, as you turn, a little cylinder extends a little bit, and you press on it and you hear (poof) There's another burst, but this one has a dull blue color to the burst of light. Suddenly four cut jade pieces of stone appear and hit the ground. DEBORAH: Whoa, it never did that before. LIAM: Well, you just have to tinker with it a little bit. Holy cats. LAURA: What! This is the best thing ever. LIAM: I pick up the jade. MATT: Each one's worth about 100 gold, if you want to mark that down. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. Upgrade! MARISHA: Are you still learning tattoos from Orly? LAURA: I know, I know, I know, that's exactly where my mind went! LIAM: Are you looking to sell this, by any chance? DEBORAH: I don't like money so much. What else you got? LIAM: So a good trade, you're talking about. DEBORAH: That could work. LIAM: What about-- I'm going to throw out some ideas here. I'm going to start spitballing, because I'm very curious about this. I love puzzles. What about some sort of mystical tattoo? DEBORAH: What would it do? LIAM: Many things. DEBORAH: Many things? LIAM: I have been listening to my friend, Jester, speak of them a lot. All the time. DEBORAH: I listen to her, too. She's got a lot of fun stories. LIAM: That is true. This one time, she watched an ant carrying a piece of bread six or seven times larger than it up stairs. DEBORAH: Oh my goodness. I've never seen anything like that! LIAM: I've never, either, but I take her word for it because she's on the up and up. Maybe you talk to Jester about a mystical tattoo. That's one thing on the table. You could be an honorary member of The Mighty Nein. DEBORAH: Oh! Well, that sounds fun. I like friends. LIAM: I do, too. DEBORAH: I go up, I put my arms around him and, if he'll let me, I'll kiss him on the cheek. TRAVIS and LAURA: Aww. SAM: That's third base. (laughter) TRAVIS: Instant death. DEBORAH: Yes, make a saving throw. LIAM: (gasping) DEBORAH: I take my sphere. (laughter) DEBORAH: That's my next character. TRAVIS: Kiss of death. LIAM: Thank you. DEBORAH: Thank you for letting me play with your cat. LIAM: Hey, you get the whole day. DEBORAH: I chase after her, we go play, and you can play with the Fun Ball of Tricks. LIAM: Danke sch�n. MATT: Roll another investigation check, I guess. LIAM: (singing) That was a fun time. Good. I'm short circuited from the kiss on the cheek. Yeah, no, I know, it's not helping! 22. MATT: From that place where you had it, you find one of the other grinding bands-- it felt like sandpaper when you tried to move it-- is now moving smooth, like it has no resistance, so you twist that one around and as you do, you hear this clicking sound. It fits into place. There's another piece around that you hear give this very faint (creaking) sound. You look for it and you find it, and there's a little knob. You turn the knob and as you do, another section opens up on one side, and then there's this flash and you look over on the ground, and in the middle of the wood there's a black hole about a foot wide. LAURA: Oh, this is definitely Pinhead stuff. DEBORAH: Whoa! I pick up the cat and I walk over. LIAM: No! Have you ever seen this before? DEBORAH: No, this is all new to me. LIAM: We don't see through? MATT: No, you look and it's just black. TRAVIS: It's just black? SAM: We can't see the next deck? MATT: No. SAM: Oh god. DEBORAH: We should jump in. Jump in! LIAM: No, that is a very bad idea, Twiggy. DEBORAH: (as Trixie) I would jump in! LIAM: If you want to make that arrangement with your squirrel, you are perfectly welcome, but my cat is not going in that hole. (foomph) For the moment. Something-- Captain! TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll come running down. Yeah, what is it? MARISHA: And his first mate. TRAVIS: You don't have to announce it when you show up. Don't yell your superiority. We'll get you a shirt or something. DEBORAH: I take out five ball bearings and drop them into the hole. You hear it hit? MATT: As you let go, they make no sound. They just disappear into it. LIAM: And it's traveling with the boat? LAURA: Am I still seeing from the crow's nest all of this shit happening? MATT: No, you just see Fjord and Beau go down. LAURA: What? What's going on? LIAM: Is there any lumber? There's no oars. Are there any rifles left on this boat, or anything long? TRAVIS: Rope? LIAM: Yeah, rope, is there rope? TRAVIS: I got 100 feet of rope. LIAM: Let me borrow that. I'm flustered. I start lowering rope down in, maybe five or six feet. MATT: Okay, it gets to about five or six feet. LIAM: And I pull it back out. MATT: Okay. It's rope. LAURA: It's fine? LIAM: I don't know that it's fine. There's a hole to nowhere in the middle of the boat that came out of Happy Fun Ball. What do you call this thing? LAURA and DEBORAH: Happy Fun Ball of Tricks! MARISHA: So it creates things. It creates money, it creates gems, and it creates holes to-- TRAVIS: Put your hand in there. LIAM: No, I am not going to put my hand in there. TRAVIS: I'm reach down and put the tip of my finger in the hole. MATT: Okay. Temperature feels a little colder, but it goes in. TRAVIS: Just feels cool. LAURA: Take your finger out. Is it gone now? TRAVIS: (yells) DEBORAH: Do another one, do another one! LIAM: I mean, at the very least we need to put a plank of wood over this so that nobody falls into it. MATT: (foomph) It's gone. LAURA: Oh, it only lasts for a little bit. I wonder where it would have taken us? Was it big enough for us to go through? TRAVIS: Like a person-sized hole? MATT: It was about a foot across, so a smaller person, maybe, but a lot of you guys it would have been a tight squeeze. Not Caduceus at all. LIAM: Fjord, First Mate Beauregard, I'm glad you're here. I want to introduce you to the new honorary member of The Mighty Nein. TRAVIS: Oh. My goodness. You must have proved yourself greatly. MARISHA: Welcome to The Mighty Nein. DEBORAH: Why thank you. We'll be The Mighty Ten! No? That's not how it works? TRAVIS: We vote on the name every couple of months, but it's going to be a while. DEBORAH: Oh. TRAVIS: Well, she needs a hat. LIAM: Yep. The bigger, the better. TRAVIS: Every pirate needs a hat. LAURA: Do you want one of Avantika's hats? DEBORAH: Are they my size? LAURA: It would be really big on you. DEBORAH: We put a hat on and it comes down to here. As I move, it slides across. LAURA: I'll tell you what. I will use my pretty paint to paint her a really cool pirate hat that is her size. Okay. It's like this big. DEBORAH: And it has the points on it. LAURA: Exactly what you want, yes. It has the tricorn. And do you want feathers and stuff? DEBORAH: One big purple feather. LAURA: You got it, one big purple feather. MATT: She takes this couple of materials out and this pot of paint. As she paints with it, it begins to take shape and become a physical object, representative of what she drew. LAURA: Do you want any sparkly stuff on it, or a bow? Sometimes bows are really pretty. DEBORAH: I have a feather already. Can you put a little squirrel? LAURA: Totally. It will be a squirrel figurine on this, next to the feather. It'll be really pretty, okay. There we go. (poof) DEBORAH: (gasps) I take it, and I put it on, and I'm like: Now I'm a real pirate! LAURA: You look like a really good pirate. DEBORAH: Thanks! LIAM: I will say, what we have learned on all our travels on the ocean is, the days are long and you have to make your own fun. DEBORAH: Oh boy, you're telling me. MATT: The sphere is still locked in the place where you had it last, and there's that one little knob that's still visible from where it was. It seems like, with each stage that you've unlocked of this, it's opened up another stage. LIAM: It's getting more pokey? MATT: A little bit. LIAM: Less smooth and spherical? MATT: Less smooth, and there are more elements that are starting to protrude a bit. LIAM: Does this thing, every day, sort of shrink back in on itself, or do you ever slide it back together? Or has it been getting more complex over time? DEBORAH: I've never gotten it further than that first stage, so I don't know. LIAM: Oh, okay. MARISHA: Do it again. LIAM: It took me a few minutes to-- DEBORAH: (as Trixie) Do it again! LIAM: Oh, okay. MATT: All you have to do is press on that to trigger it again. LIAM: To press-- oh. (clicks) MATT: (poof) That hole appears again. TRAVIS: Same size? MATT: Same size, in a slightly different location. MARISHA: Nott! SAM: What? MARISHA: Do you want to go in a hole? LAURA: (gasps) What if the hole disappears while Nott is still in it? TRAVIS: I'm sure it'll be fine. DEBORAH: I'll take out my lantern, and I strike it so that it's lit. I attach it to a string. I go and I start to lower it down the hole and see if it does anything. MATT: As the lantern hits the darkness, the darkness consumes it like water. Once the lantern is submerged within the darkness, no light. You don't even see the lantern. DEBORAH: Then if I pull it up? MATT: Still lit. LAURA: I feel like we should put our head through it. TRAVIS: I think so, too, but you've got to do it quick because it's going to stop real quick. MARISHA: It's still a foot? MATT: Mm-hmm. TRAVIS: Do it, do it! LAURA: But do it really fast! SAM: I'm not doing that, no way! You're crazy! MATT: It's gone. It only lasts about a minute. LIAM: You could have been decapitated, doing that. SAM: Yes! Thank you. MARISHA: Well, he says it lasts a minute. TRAVIS: Yeah, it's been about twice, a minute each time. MATT: Each time it's lasted about a minute, yeah. MARISHA: When we've timed it! MATT: Both times, it's been approximately the same length of time, close to a minute. LIAM: Keen Mind, nah, it's a minute. TRAVIS: Jester and Beau, boulder-parchment-shears. Figure out who's going to put their head in and help us see it. SAM: Why do we care what's in the-- oh, man. LAURA: You have to do it! MARISHA: All right, I'll do it. LIAM: Are you readied? MARISHA: Yeah! TRAVIS: I'll grab onto her britches as she's doing it. TALIESIN: I'm finally walking in because everybody has vanished off the ship, and no one is eating anything. DEBORAH: You're missing it! MARISHA: Caduceus, grab my feet, just in case. TALIESIN: What are we-- MARISHA: Just grab my feet. TALIESIN: Okay, I like grabbing feet. Here we are. LAURA: I'll get ready with Cure Wounds. MATT: The hole opens up. SAM: It's open! Go! MATT: You look inside; it's darkness. MARISHA: Drop me further! TRAVIS: Down to her feet. MATT: Still darkness. You can put your goggles on, if you want. MARISHA: Goggles, yeah! MATT: Put goggles on, and your face, as he pushes you down further, you hit something. It's soft. You pull back a bit and look, and there's a pile of objects there. LAURA: Take them! MARISHA: I grab a few! MATT: Okay. As you pull her out before she slips. TALIESIN: Oh, yep, I'm on it. MARISHA: Pull me back! MATT: As you're pulling back, a few things start tumbling out of this thing. You grab them and pull them in. You pull out, and she emerges. You have this pile of reddish cloth, and a strange metal object of some kind, and a couple other things. You pull the rest of them out that's dangling in. As soon as it does, the hole closes. TALIESIN: Wow! That's cool. Do that again. LAURA: Oh my god, what if it's a safe in another dimension? LIAM: What did you see? Could you see? MATT: You look at it. First off-- TRAVIS: Do I look the same? MARISHA: What is my face? MATT: She's pulling her tongue out. TRAVIS: Start speaking in Latin. MATT: First off, you hear (impacts) as two boots fall out of this pile of clothes she has, these really nice leather boots that are fur on the top. They hit the ground. There's a metal rod that looks like a staff that you hold and pull there. The other thing is a bundle of this really heavy, warm, winter-coat velvet material. It's a deep crimson-red color with golden trim on it. As you unravel it, there's an embroidered symbol across the back of it. That's the symbol, right there. LAURA: Do we recognize it? MATT: You do not. You guys have never seen this before. LAURA: That's definitely an H with a bow. SAM: Or it could be the tail of a whale or something. LIAM: Beauregard, let me see this. MATT: I mean, you're looking at it there. There's not much more to it than that. LIAM: But it's on the coat, yeah? TRAVIS: There's a watermark up here. I can see it. It's amazing! MATT: That watermark is part of the paper! It's not part of the actual symbol. TRAVIS: Oh, I don't believe, Matt! I don't believe it! TALIESIN: The fourth wall lies! LIAM: It's the coat, it is boots, and the third thing was-- MATT: It's a metal staff. You look at it and it's a metallic staff, about three to four feet long. It has a seam in the middle of it, like it's two pieces joined. LAURA: Was there anything else in there? MARISHA: It was super dark. I hit a barrier. It felt like it was a barrier of stuff. LAURA: What if this ball is somebody's treasury or something? SAM: Or if it's their pink haversack! LAURA: Yeah, that's what I mean! They've been storing stuff in it. LIAM: It's a vault. LAURA: (gasps) It's a vault! MARISHA: Oh, shit. TRAVIS: We've got to figure out what all this stuff is, first. I mean, just so it's not a pole and a pair of shitty boots. LIAM: Here, hold this. I give her the doohickus, and I say: I need 30 minutes. I gather up all this stuff, and I walk with it, very happily. LAURA: I follow him and sit next to him. MATT: We'll say, for the sake of brevity, the boots are not magical. They're just really warm boots. The cloak is not magical; it's just a very warm cloak. TRAVIS: With that symbol on the back. MATT: With the symbol on it. The staff is faintly magical, and what it is is it acts like a hand warmer. You take the two parts, and you slide them together, and it clicks. The metal emanates enough heat to warm the hands of whoever's holding it. This appears to be a set of travel gear for whoever once might have had this. LIAM: I also use an additional ten minutes to touch the coat and cast Comprehend Languages on this, see if it says anything. MATT and LIAM: It's a name. MATT: Yep. Halas. SAM: What is it? MATT: Halas. H-A-L-A-S. LIAM: Well, we have just robbed Halas. TRAVIS: Have any of us heard that name before? MATT: (disagreement) Mm-mm. MARISHA: Do we know what language that name hails from? MATT: It seems to have some roots in Zemnian, but it's a divergent element, so a name that hasn't been used in a long, long time. Kind of like-- TRAVIS: Archibald, or-- MATT: Yeah, like Melchor. Things that are old historical names. In fact, roll a history check. LIAM: Old magic. Natural one. MATT: It slips from you. There's something. You're like, hmm. TRAVIS: Beau, when you hit that buffer, did it feel hard and solid, or was it soft and earthen? MATT: Your face hit the cloak. You were like (impact) into this pile of soft, heavy material. MARISHA: It was cloak and stuff. TRAVIS: Did you find a portal into somebody's wardrobe? MARISHA: It was cold in there. I don't know. He's saying that the staff heats his hands, and there was a cloak. Maybe wherever this haversack was from-- MATT: A couple of ball bearings fall out of the cloak from what was dropped in there earlier. LAURA: Oh, cool! DEBORAH: I collect them back and put them in my bag. TRAVIS: Well, at least it's the same place each time, so if it does close off, we at least know how to find you. SAM: Sure. Why are you looking at me when you say that? TRAVIS: You're going in. SAM: No, I'm not going in! TRAVIS: Yeah, you're really good at finding stuff. DEBORAH: I'll go in! If you don't want to go, I'll go, or I'll go with you. Want to go together? SAM: Into somebody's laundry bag? DEBORAH: Why not? SAM: All right. MARISHA: It feels like someone was raptured, and we're stealing their stuff. That's what it feels like. LIAM: Just roll with it, though. SAM: I'll take a big swig and get ready. TRAVIS: When she was yelling on the other side of the portal, was there any sound that came between the two? Between the portal? Nothing? MATT: Nothing. LAURA: Okay. I'm going to tie this rope around your waist, okay. Then this rope is going to tie around your waist, now, so you guys are tied together. Then we're going to hold it up top. Okay, you have a minute. If you start to go too long, we're going to pull you up. TRAVIS: Or if you're ready to come back, tug twice on the rope. DEBORAH: I hold his hand, if he'll let me. MATT: Her hand. DEBORAH: Her hand, sorry. I hold her hand, if she'll let me. SAM: Of course. I squeeze it way too hard. LIAM: Okay, are you ready? SAM: Yes. LIAM: Eins, zwei, drei, (click). SAM: (yelling) MATT: One by one, you guys jump in, one after the other, and you both tumble in and hit a floor. DEBORAH: Can we see anything? MATT: Looking around, you both have darkvision because gnomes. It's a cylindrical chamber. It feels almost like a natural rock interior. DEBORAH: Doors out, anything like that? Any exits? MATT: No. It's just a little pocket. DEBORAH: What do we see, what stuff? MATT: You see two other ball bearings you left behind, and that's it. It looks like you've cleaned out what was in this pocket. SAM and DEBORAH: Tug, tug! MATT: You guys emerge. DEBORAH: That was so much fun! SAM: It was crazy down there. The lights, the monsters! TRAVIS: Really? SAM: It was insane! TRAVIS: You're so brave! SAM: It was a parade of horrors. TRAVIS: You're full of shit, aren't you? SAM: Yeah, there was nothing down there. LAURA: That was it? SAM: No, it was nothing. But it's a lot of space, so if we wanted to store something for safekeeping, it's a good spot to do it. MATT: The area on the sphere where you've been pressing this button, you look and it's freed another area as well that can continue to be solved. LAURA: Yeah, do it! TRAVIS: As a note, the previous function of the sphere, we can access? Or is it one function at a time as it changes? MATT: As it looks right now, you need to shift it back to use a previous function. Each thing you slide unlocks the next use, but it closes off the previous one until you reverse it. LIAM: Which I am memorizing. MARISHA: I go to Fjord. You've told us about the Halas thing? LIAM: Yeah, sure. MARISHA: Is this perhaps something to do with Sir Cadigan and Port Damali stuff? Do you know a Cadigan? Would I recognize the name Hadigas? MATT: You wouldn't. MATT: Cadigan. MARISHA: No, Halas. MATT: Oh, Halas? You roll a history check, too. MARISHA: To see if this is his old stash. MATT: Yeah, roll a history check. MARISHA: That's absolutely horrifying. Ten. MATT: If they did teach it, you probably weren't paying attention that day at the Archive, unfortunately. DEBORAH: Would I know it in relation to Sir Cadigan, the person I took it from? MATT: Roll a history check. SAM: Come on, Deborah. LIAM: Somebody, come on, three rollers. DEBORAH: 17. MATT: No. None at all. You've never heard the name Halas before, anywhere in Port Damali or in any of your travels, especially in relation to Sir Cadigan. DEBORAH: I turn to everybody, and at first I go, (straining), nope. Sir Cadigan was a big old meanie, but I don't think he had anything to do with this. MARISHA: I mean, you've mentioned Sir Cadigan being a big old meanie several times. What did he do? Did you witness something? DEBORAH: (straining) Can't remember. But I think I might be like this because of him. LAURA: Like what? SAM: Adorable? DEBORAH: (as Trixie) A little weird! (as Twiggy) Sorry. She talks sometimes. SAM: He made you socially awkward? DEBORAH: I remember it was really dark, and it was really long. I had nobody to talk to, so I made up all these people to talk to. Finally, when I got out, wow is it a big, beautiful world! I'm so glad I met you guys. SAM: You were trapped somewhere? DEBORAH: Somewhere. LIAM: Were you in this ball? DEBORAH: I don't think so. It didn't look like where I was. All I know, it was that big old meanie Sir Cadigan who put me in there. LAURA and LIAM: What did he look like? DEBORAH: He's twice my size. He's very skinny. He wore this big ring with a green gem on it. I remember because he used to stick his fingers through the bars to scare me. TRAVIS: How'd you escape? DEBORAH: I was really tricksy because I would sit there, and I would think, and I would practice all of my tricks. I was able to get him to watch my trick. He thought that I ran down that way, but really I was hiding in the back. I snuck out, and I ran the other direction. I was able to run, run, run! I've been running ever since. SAM: This was in Port Damali? DEBORAH: Yes. TRAVIS: It sounds real familiar. LIAM: Why don't you all take ten steps back, and we'll see what this next hinge does? TALIESIN: I'm excited. MATT: Okay, you all step back about ten paces. Anyone want to help, or you going with your standard roll? LIAM: Oh, investigation for it, yeah. MATT: Yep. LIAM: Investigation, 21. MATT: Okay. That hole appears again. You're unable to get past that point. You're hitting a barrier, and you're clicking it forward. There's something about the puzzle that's escaping you. You feel like you're not quite-- you're on the cusp. DEBORAH: Can I help him? MATT: If you want to try it again. DEBORAH: Just try it again? Okay. Yeah, I'll try it again. I come up, and I say: I've been practicing. Let me try. MATT: If you want to, either you both can roll individually, or one of you can roll with advantage as you're helping the other. LIAM: I would give me the advantage, probably. DEBORAH: I have a plus ten investigation. LIAM: Oh, shit! TRAVIS: I have a plus ten! LIAM: I'm at plus eight. Yeah, sure. MATT: As you hand the sphere over, holding the places, Twiggy goes in and takes hold of it. Both of you together begin to try and rotate and figure it out. DEBORAH: I squint my eyes, and I look at it real hard, and I roll a 28. MATT: At that point, both together, Twiggy finds this small, rotating piece on the very edge that turns and turns. As it does, another cylindrical sphere slowly emits from it, like you're rotating a pencil lead that pushes out. DEBORAH: It takes three fingers to do it at the same time. MATT: You twist it, and you push it in, and it actually pushes in about an inch and then clicks inside, recessed. As that happens, a top part opens up a little bit. Caleb, you take that and rotate it. As it clicks into place, you hear (rising tone, whoosh). Flash of green light. TRAVIS: Green light's never good. MATT: Fills the entire chamber. That's where we're going to go to break. (yelling) TRAVIS: And they never come back. DEBORAH: And we never return. MATT: Well, that was a fun campaign, guys. It was a lot of fun. TALIESIN: (English accent) Don't touch it, Mum, it's evil! SAM: Wow. TRAVIS: How many times did you mess with it? Like six. LIAM: Remember that sphere? TRAVIS: What's it do? What's it do? (explosion) MATT: I love it. Before we go to break, we have a giveaway. Our fantastic friends at Wyrmwood have this amazing dice tray to give away. It is the wenge dice vault with tiger maple inlay, that beautiful two-tone. This will be going to one of our fantastic victors to this. To enter, you have to head over to the Critical Role Twitch chat, that's twitch.tv/criticalrole, and enter the word "stowaway." Stowaway is the word. Enter it once; more than that, you'll be disqualified. Once again, only for people in the US and Canada, excluding Quebec, because of stupid giveaway laws. Anyway, we'll have the winner when we come back. We'll see you in a few minutes.

Part II
MATT: Welcome back, everyone. Before we get into the game, we do have a winner. The winner of our fantastic Wyrmwood dice vault giveaway this evening is Antc_clueless. Congratulations on your complicated online name and your victory. We'll get this sent to you ASAP. So a flash of green light energy fills the chamber. As it subsides, you all take a second to blink as the light is dimmer than it was on the inside of the ship. Looking about, you are in a very dark chamber. You're no longer on the ship. DEBORAH: All of us? MATT: All of you. Except for Yasha, because she was not nearby. This chamber is somewhat triangular, but the corners are curved. At each of these walls, between each curvature, there is a banner hanging about 12 feet off the ground on a brass rod. The banner hangs almost to the floor. You see four pillars a little closer inside the chamber. Each banner is a different color. The ceiling's about 15 feet high and there are two corpses on the floor nearby. Both long-dead and mummified, their skin paper-thin and pulled against their bones, their faces twisted in horror. You see the light gray stone walls and where these banners are, there are two on the side parallel to each other and two on the other. There is a red, a green, a blue, and a black. Each of these banners has gold embroidery down the sides and a gold embroidered symbol in the middle. The same symbol as the cloak that you found. DEBORAH: Did the happy ball of fun tricks come with us? MATT: Nope. LAURA: Oh no. LIAM: I cast Mage Armor. TRAVIS: All four symbols are the same on all four banners? MATT: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: It was Hala? TRAVIS and MATT: Halas. DEBORAH: Exits? Do we see any exits? MATT: No. DEBORAH: Pedestals, are there anything on them? MATT: There are four pillars. They are smooth. They appear to be either decorative or load-bearing, but there is nothing about them that catches your eye. If you want to take a closer look, you can make an investigation check, if you want. SAM: Is the ground dirt, gravel, or stone? MATT: Stone as well. DEBORAH: 12. MATT: Pretty solid and featureless. TALIESIN: The two corpses, what can we ascertain about them? Are they wearing clothing? MATT: They are both wearing clothing. DEBORAH: Naked. TALIESIN: Nudists get trapped in here all the time. MATT: There's not much dust on them. Which means either it's fresh or not a lot of dust to have collected. LIAM: There's no entrances or exits? MATT: From what you can see, none. Make a medicine check. LAURA: Does it smell like death in here? MATT: There's a faint aura or a faint scent, but either these corpses do not emanate a lot of smell, or it has faded in time. DEBORAH: I send my Mage Hand out to move the blue banner aside to see if there is anything behind there. MATT: Okay. Just to give you guys a visual representation-- SAM: Just to give us a visual. LAURA: Right. Definitely won't lead to anything. DEBORAH: For the kids at home. SAM: Guys, D&D; Beyond. LAURA: (singing) D&D;! SAM: Check your Twitters and Giphys for the gifs that have already started pouring in. This seems legit. MATT: Placing yourselves where you would like to be in here, if you don't mind telling me where you'd like to be placed. TRAVIS: Not in the middle, Matthew! TALIESIN: I want to be by the corpses. I rolled a 19. DEBORAH: I used my Mage Hand, so I need to be here. TRAVIS: (singing) I want to be by the corpses. TALIESIN: That was not a sick beat. TRAVIS: Let it build. LAURA: That was not a sick beat. MATT: One here and one here. LAURA: They're not right next to each other. I pictured a lover's embrace. TALIESIN: Do they look like violently ended, or do they look like people who fell asleep and never got up? MATT: Their faces are twisted in a horrible expression of ghastly terror or pain, but you don't see any wounds. Did you roll a medicine check? TALIESIN: Yeah, 19. MATT: Yeah, you don't see any wounds or any gashes. TALIESIN: They definitely got a look like they saw something wicked awful? MATT: Their last moments were probably pretty terrifying. You moved aside the-- DEBORAH: With my Mage Hand, from far away. MATT: The blue one? DEBORAH: Yes. MATT: Okay. As it pulls behind, it reveals to be a statue that is embedded in the wall behind it. Up on hind legs with claws in front, you see a dragon made of stone, carved, wings blending up into the stone behind it. Its mouth open, its eyes these very bright sapphires embedded in its head. Immediately as it opens up, the mouth lights up blue. Make a dexterity saving throw. And Caleb and Nott. DEBORAH: I also have evasion. MATT: Correct. DEBORAH: Not good. Don't do it. MATT: What did you roll? DEBORAH: I rolled a ten. MATT: Okay, still half damage. LIAM: 13. MATT: Failure. SAM: 25. MATT: You take no damage, Nott, as you dodge away. The rest of you watch as this bolt of blue energy fires outward as a thick beam of electrical energy shoots across the room. It hits by and skims the front torso of Twiggy as she pulls out of the way. You watch Caleb spin and take it straight to the chest as Nott ducks out of the way. LAURA: Is this still the same day? It is. Okay. SAM: But we have healed. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Caleb, you take 18 points of lightning damage. Twiggy, you take nine. TRAVIS: As Caleb flies backward, I'll summon the falchion and take a defensive stance. MATT: Okay. DEBORAH: My hair stands on end a little bit from the electricity. MATT: Okay. Also, make a concentration check. DEBORAH: A concentration? MATT: For Mage Hand; I believe Mage Hand is concentration. DEBORAH: It's a cantrip. MATT: Oh, no, it lasts for a minute. I'm sorry, you don't need to. It maintains itself. That's my bad. DEBORAH: That's okay. TRAVIS: Did the burst that came from the blue make it all the way across the room to the green? MATT: It did. It went (crackle) across. TRAVIS: It just detonated on the other tapestry? MATT: It hit the tapestry and dissipated. The electrical energy didn't seem to impact or hurt anything. DEBORAH: The Mage Hand'll drop the cover back in front of that. MATT: It covers the statue. TALIESIN: Let's take a minute before we-- SAM: Don't do that again! LAURA: I have an idea! What if we put on the red cape and then it does something if the statue behind the red thing sees it? SAM: Oh! Halas' cape? DEBORAH: Do we have it? TRAVIS: In the haversack, right? LIAM: Yeah, I have it. LAURA: Put it on, or something. SAM: He's hurt! DEBORAH: I'm so sorry. LAURA: Caleb, are you okay? SAM: Yeah, Twiggy just hurt him. DEBORAH: I'm so sorry! TALIESIN: Just going to do a quick Cure Wounds. DEBORAH: Winning friends! TALIESIN: Just one. Oh, that's good! Take 13 points of healing. LIAM: Danke. TALIESIN: Let's take a second here. LAURA: Who wants to put on the red robe? TALIESIN: I think we should-- TRAVIS: I'll do it. SAM: It's your ship. TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: I think we should talk to the locals before we do anything else. TRAVIS: Who are the locals? TALIESIN: Oh, these fellows. LAURA: The dead guys. TRAVIS: Oh! Yeah, forgot you can do that. TALIESIN: Oh, I can't pick. Somebody else pick. I don't know. TRAVIS: Which one? TALIESIN: Yeah, I don't know. TRAVIS: The one closest to you. TALIESIN: Yeah, okay. That's level three, right? Yep, there we are. MATT: Is anyone else adjusting their position, or are you staying where you are? LAURA: I'm going to make sure I'm not in line with any of the banners. TRAVIS: Yeah, ditto that shit. LAURA: I'm going to step wide. Ugh, I can't reach. Sorry. LIAM: The lightning came out of here? MATT: Yeah. It went (crackling) through the chamber. DEBORAH: I'll go with Jester, on the other side of that. LAURA: Yeah, I'll do this, right back here. DEBORAH: Then I'll be here; I'll be next to that pillar. SAM: Scoot me over somewhere, too, while you're up there, Marisha. MATT: Where do you want to go? SAM: Just near Fjord. Boom. MATT: All right. Caduceus, the one nearest to you, you're casting--? TALIESIN: Speak With Dead. MATT: As you sit there for a second holding your staff, your shield strapped over the arm, your hand goes down. You close your eyes and focus, and the corpse on the ground staring off, its eyes dull and the pupils smoky and gray, breathes in its chest, seems to inhale, and it holds the air there, awaiting your questions. TALIESIN: I'm so sorry, friend. You have one more task to perform before we can let you rest. What killed you? MATT: "The wailing creature." TALIESIN: The wailing creature. What color was the curtain the wailing creature hid behind? MATT: "Onyx black." TALIESIN: Good to know. How did you end up here? TRAVIS: Yes! Thank you, Taliesin! MATT: "We had found an object and toyed with it." SAM: Just like us. LIAM: Did any of his friends get out? TALIESIN: What's the name of that-- SAM: Halas? TALIESIN: What does the name Halas mean to you? MATT: "Nothing." TALIESIN: Well, that's no help. MATT: Four questions; you've got one more. LAURA: Oh god! SAM: Did anyone escape? TALIESIN: Do you know how to get out of here? MATT: "No." That final bit of trapped air in the lung escapes and it falls to stillness once more. TALIESIN: I'm going to give him a little pop and seed him for later. MATT: Okay, so you're casting Decompose on him? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. DEBORAH: Nice trick! TALIESIN: Thank you. Well, that was a little helpful. SAM: It was a lot helpful! So we know blue, bad, black, bad-- DEBORAH: Probably green and red bad. SAM: Well, maybe one of them is a good! Maybe one of them's a way out of here! DEBORAH: Maybe. LAURA: You should put on the robe. Did you put on the robe? I can help you put on the robe. TRAVIS: No, I'm trying to put it on. Does it fit? MATT: It's a little tight on you, but it fits. You're slender for a half-orc. TRAVIS: I'm fucking fit, okay? MATT: You can be fit and slender. TALIESIN: Maybe they're all bad. LIAM: Hey man, you let strength be the dump stat. DEBORAH: We could stand out of the way and my Mage Hand could open them all, if we felt like-- There could be-- LAURA: The wailing creature could-- DEBORAH: Yeah, it wouldn't matter where we stood. LAURA: Yeah, but he is in line with the wailing creature. LIAM: I have an idea. I can make a magical hut that nothing can pass through. TRAVIS: That is an excellent way to try and figure out what the fuck's going on in here. LIAM: I am going to begin to take the minute to cast Leomund's Tiny Hut in the center of the room. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: An observation deck. DEBORAH: In the center of the room, okay. LAURA: Ooh, the center. MARISHA: Like one of those bomb shelter walls. LIAM: It's a ten-foot radius, and everyone is allowed to enter and exit. MATT: A ten-foot radius would be a bit bigger than that, so that would be the ten-foot radius. LAURA: Can we all fit inside of it? LIAM: Absolutely. But I have to stay in the center of it where it is safe. SAM: But someone needs to step out of it in order to trigger the other-- DEBORAH: Well, can I send Mage Hand through it? LIAM: You can stick your hand through the barrier and cast Mage Hand and pull back in, yeah. MATT: So everyone is moving into it? LAURA: I want to stay, still, as much away from a line-up as we-- like, in front of the things. MATT: There's not a whole lot of space there. TRAVIS: You know, it's just a thought, but if we have to open two of these that are facing each other at the same time so they destroy each other, we'll probably have to drop that down. LIAM: This is impervious to-- yeah. TRAVIS: We'll get there. LIAM: We'll get there. We can experiment because this is impervious. TRAVIS: I like it. TALIESIN: So we already know what two of these are. DEBORAH: Right. MARISHA: What if you unleash the wailing creature and we have to deal with it? LIAM: It cannot come in here. TRAVIS: What about sound? DEBORAH: How long does it last? LIAM: Oh, hours. That is a good point, although I have a decent supply of honeycomb. We could knead it up and make earplugs for ourselves. TRAVIS: That is really resourceful. DEBORAH: And I have gum. LIAM: That's just as good or better. You are clever. DEBORAH: Yeah! Thank you! SAM: Sure. TRAVIS: Where did her gum come from? MARISHA: It's survival. SAM: Well, let's do some honeycomb, then. TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah. MARISHA: I'll take the gum. I'm not proud. TALIESIN: I feel like I was told as a child not to put things in my ears, but I guess I'm doing this. LAURA: I'm going to soften it up with my mouth. LIAM: Before and after, okay. TALIESIN: I wonder what's behind green. TRAVIS: Yeah, me too. DEBORAH: Okay. TRAVIS: Do it. DEBORAH: All right, I'll sneak over to that side so I can see it, and I'm going to put just my hand outside of the area of the hut. TRAVIS: You don't need that hand, you got another one. DEBORAH: It has vocal components. Do I need to lean my head out? MATT: Don't make this the second time I've taken a hand of yours. DEBORAH: But my new hand is so cool! MATT: Sorry. So? DEBORAH: If there's a vocal component-- only I have to be able to hear it-- do I need to stick my head out? MATT: As far as you know, it doesn't affect you in a volume or noise way. DEBORAH: Okay. So I whisper something and I move my hand and that silvery, spectral hand comes off, and it goes forward toward the green. I pull my own hand back and get back into the space, and I tell it to push the green flag aside. MATT: You have to move over here, probably, to get into range. As you pull back the green tapestry-- LAURA: I'm going to crouch, even in the thing. MATT: You crouch down? Okay. As you pull it back, you see a statue behind it that looks to be some horribly mutated humanoid creature. Its body is bulbous and covered in sores, its neck is swollen like a toad's, its mouth and jaw open with rows of teeth, all made of stone. As it pulls back, this gaseous green fume spews from its mouth that fills the chamber around it. About half the chamber begins to fill with this before it dissipates, but it does not cross the boundaries of the hut. TRAVIS: Ooh, shit. DEBORAH: Red? TALIESIN: Sound; a beam; there's a screech; there's a gas. DEBORAH: Well, light, sound, gas. SAM: Smell? Sound? Vision? TALIESIN: I don't know what goes next. MATT: What are you doing next? DEBORAH: Should I try it? LAURA: Do the red! Maybe it's fire. DEBORAH: I move over to be in line with the red, and I stick my hand out, and it flies out, the spectral hand. I pull back into the safety, and it pushes aside the red. MATT: It pulls aside the red. Behind it, you see emerge a wooden door of red-painted material and the similar symbol of Halas painted across the surface. TRAVIS: Red doors are bad. SAM: That's the way out! DEBORAH: Should the Mage Hand try to open it, you guys? I can send my hand to try and open it. LIAM: We are still safe in here. Yeah, I think so. DEBORAH: Captain Fjord? TRAVIS: Proceed. DEBORAH: Sweet! I whisper, and I direct it a little bit. It comes down, and it grabs a knob? A handle? MATT: There is a handle there. DEBORAH: A handle, and it's going to turn. MATT: (clicking) It's locked. LAURA: Hmm. Ooh! Fjord, look in your pockets! TRAVIS: Why? LAURA: Of the red robe! Look in the pockets of the red robe! DEBORAH: I call it back to me. I pull out of my purse a little set of tools on a ring, and I give it to the hand and whisper it off again to go see if it can pick the lock. MATT: The hand hovers across. Roll an ability check, adding your dexterity modifier and your proficiency modifier. DEBORAH: My thieves' tools? That's a 29. LAURA: Whoa! SAM: I don't have to do shit. I'm just going to sit there, drinking. MATT: It takes a few minutes. This is an intricate lock. As you watch the hand finish with the third tool that is being held between the mystical pinkie, you hear a slight clink, like a spring snapped or moved. The front of the door here bursts into flame, burning out in the area. It burns solid for a good 30 seconds. Surrounded by flame, all of you are being lit by this. You're wincing from the heat you feel you should be feeling, but it's all being held at bay by the hut's boundaries. Eventually, the flames die out, the door, tapestry both untouched. DEBORAH: I pull the hand back to me, and I take my keys, ow! Back in my pouch. MATT: Yeah, they're very hot. TRAVIS: Can I search the pockets of the red coat? MATT: Sure. Make an investigation check. TALIESIN: Feels a bit extreme. SAM: Deep pockets! LAURA: Natural one? TRAVIS: Seven. MATT: There are no pockets on the robe. TRAVIS: No pockets! SAM: That door is still closed? MATT: Yeah. It's a heavy cloak, if you will. SAM: So there's no way in or out, and every door is bad. TRAVIS: Well, we haven't pulled the black curtain back yet. SAM: Well, that was the wailing one. The guy said it was the wailing one. LAURA: We should see what it is, though. LIAM: We have heard everything that happened outside of this bubble. If it is wailing at us, I don't know what that would entail for us. TALIESIN: That says that the door is trapped, not necessarily that the door is unopenable. LIAM: Yeah, that's correct. Nott, you could at least give it a whirl. SAM: Give what a whirl? LIAM: Picking that lock. We are in here for another seven hours and 40 minutes. SAM: Oh, I thought you picked that lock. The red one? MATT: It triggered something, but you feel confident. DEBORAH: I'll send the hand back out to try the handle again. MATT: (click, door creaking) It opens up. LIAM: You've got to follow through. DEBORAH: Sorry guys, I'm a little absent-minded. TALIESIN: I mean, there's a lot going on right now. SAM: We have a way out! LAURA: Should we just go out, then? TALIESIN: I'm going to double-check these bodies for things before we go. If anyone wants to help me with an investigation check-- SAM: I'll help you. DEBORAH: You want me to look? I'll go look! MATT: Go for it. DEBORAH: You're going to help me? TALIESIN: Sure. SAM: Great! I'm getting day drunk! DEBORAH: 27. MATT: Whew. You give a thorough pass. They are picked clean. In fact, you find the belt on one of them seems to have been broken forcefully, and a couple of pieces of leather that are pinched where a belt pouch may have been resting for a while. Missing. Somebody has completely rolled these corpses and picked them clean already. DEBORAH: Sorry, buddy. TALIESIN: Seems that they were robbed before they came in here. It's weird. DEBORAH: Or while they were in here. TALIESIN: Oh, that's even crazier. DEBORAH: Is there a way to tell if they were robbed post-mortem or pre-mortem? I don't know! How do you tell that? MATT: Make a medicine check. MARISHA: This is some Bones shit. DEBORAH: 14. MATT: I mean, you glance around the areas. There's not much to really pull from that type of material. You don't see any heavy bruising like they were forcefully pulled from them while they were living, necessarily. It's hard to tell. SAM: Before we do anything, I'm going to whisper to Jester: You know, I like Twiggy, but she picks all the locks, she does the Mage Hand thing, she does the Hideous Laughter thing, she paints. LAURA: She makes a duplicate of herself. SAM: She has a cute animal. LAURA: And she likes chocolate! SAM: Are we being replaced? Is this some joke? LAURA: I mean, I don't know. SAM: Maybe they don't need us any more. LAURA: Maybe they brought her on purpose and they don't want us anymore. SAM: Oh my god! LAURA: It's possible. SAM: Let's kill her. LAURA: Well... SAM: When the moment is right. LAURA: Okay, okay. (laughter) MATT: So what are you guys doing? LIAM: I am placing Frumpkin outside of the bubble. LAURA: He always sends Frumpkin in to die. LIAM: I am going to go look in the next room. DEBORAH: But I love that cat! MATT: Okay, roll a perception check for Frumpkin. LIAM: 13. MATT: Okay. Frumpkin goes up to the doorway and looks. It is a dark hallway, no light. Frumpkin sees a little bit of light, but it's above, like there seems to be an incline. It's above and to the right. It's not a straight, narrow hall. It seems a little oddly angled. LIAM: You know, I could throw some light out there, but I don't really want to announce our presence. What do you think we should do? LAURA: Does Frumpkin hear anyone? LIAM: He would have told me if he heard-- I can't hear you. TALIESIN: I mean, we did just cause a giant lightning thing. I feel like our presence has been announced. TRAVIS: Yeah, we're fine. TALIESIN: I'm going to light up my staff, at any rate. LIAM: I come out of it. MATT: The light source on the staff now emanates and the chamber is lit well. LIAM: I don't want to really announce our presence if there's somebody out there. I don't know. MATT: This is open on this side. (oohing) DEBORAH: Fancy! MATT: I got to use that piece finally. TRAVIS: Well, we're not going anywhere in here. Who wants to come with? LAURA: All of us. TALIESIN: Although we should probably have someone check ahead, just for traps. DEBORAH: Ooh! I'm sneaky sneaky! Unless you want to do it. SAM: No. You just go. No, it's fine, you do it. Nope, you've got it. I'm fine. Have fun. Tell me how it goes. TRAVIS: Jester, Nott, y'all okay? SAM: and LAURA: We're fine. SAM: We're fine, Fjord. Everything's fine. LAURA: Don't worry about us. TRAVIS: They just turn on you that fast. MARISHA: I don't-- I think-- We'll talk later. TRAVIS: Okay. LIAM: Caleb says nothing. TALIESIN: Nope. DEBORAH: In fact, Twiggy's not even really going to wait. She starts to chase the cat. She wants to go see the cat and pet the cat. MATT: Okay, so Twiggy leaves the radius and starts heading towards the far end of the room. DEBORAH: I'm going to sneakily do it, though. MATT: All right, roll a stealth check. DEBORAH: 17. MATT: Good to know. What are the rest of you doing? You watch as Twiggy just leaves and starts heading towards the door. SAM: Oh, now we have to go. We can't let her die. LAURA: We should follow her. TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll follow Twiggy. LIAM: I'm going to watch everyone safely go to the door and not get killed, and then drop the bubble. LAURA: I walk behind Fjord and I cast Blessing of the Trickster when I touch your back. TRAVIS: Thanks, Jester. LIAM: It would stay there, yeah. TALIESIN: Yeah, but we'll know it's there, just in case. MATT: All right. As everyone finds their way to the door safely, you feel the moment to leave the field-- LIAM: Oh yeah, if I leave, it's gone. TALIESIN: Oh, well then never mind. MATT: So the hut vanishes. Spell's expended. LIAM: Hightail it out of this fucking room! TRAVIS: That was well used, my man. MATT: You guys exit and make your way into the hallway. The hallway itself drops temperature dramatically. It's similar to the space that you guys were in last time. You feel for the edges and there's no real shape or texture to it. It's just solid. It feels almost like stone, but not quite. It's hard to place. As you're stepping into the chamber, I would say Nott and Fjord, you both get just a hint of vertigo. You glance and you take a step into the hallway and it's an incline. You look up and you can see the light. It's hard to make out, but you see a faint bit of light at the end of it, maybe a hundred or so feet ahead of you. SAM: Vertigo just from the shape of the room? MATT: Just like stepping into the room and having no real idea of where the walls and ceiling and floor are. It just looks like a black shape and you're feeling some walls, but they're a little rounded. It's a strange aspect to this hallway. LAURA: Does the floor seem rounded, too? MATT: No, the floor just seems like a steady incline. DEBORAH: We don't see light or anything at the end of it? MATT: You see the end of the tunnel, but you can't make out what's on the other side. It's too far. SAM: Can you make light? Is anyone? We need light. TALIESIN: I was making light. LIAM: With your staff, yeah? MATT: As Caduceus steps in with the staff, the light seems to be crushed down to where you can see the faint bit of it there, but there's something about this hallway that's swallowing the light or at least compressing it to where it's not giving off much of a radius while you are standing in it. SAM: That's weird. Do we press ahead? TALIESIN: I mean. DEBORAH: No other way to go. TALIESIN: Can you see anything, Beau? MARISHA: That's what I was going to ask. It's a forceful darkness and looking at Fjord get nauseous, does this remind me of any ghostly presence that I experienced before? MATT: Not necessarily, but make a perception check for me. LIAM: Do I recognize it as an obvious arcane effect? MATT: Make an arcana check. MARISHA: Oh my god. LIAM: Natural 20. MARISHA: 11. MATT: You can't make out much detail beyond the end of the hallway. You, however, there's something about this that feels extraplanar. Meaning the end of this doorway, whatever's at the other end, is being tethered by something that's not really material space. You don't know what distance you're traveling between these two objects. LIAM: Okay, I relay this to the group. We jumped dimensions to get here, and whatever is laying before is not a hallway. In a way it is, but not the traditional sense. SAM: But it might even be the way back out. LIAM: It might be, yeah. TRAVIS: As we turn around and look at the door that we came back through, are there any markings above the door or around it? MATT: Perception check. TALIESIN: I'm going to roll Eyes of the Grave, too, just to see if anything-- TRAVIS: 20! No. 19. MATT: No. In fact, it's weird because the doorway itself is this well carved inlaid beautiful door. As soon as you step into the hallway and look at the opposite end, the hallway is just flush with the exterior of it and seems to curve out into the rest of the hallway. It seems intentionally placed to match perfectly, but has a natural feel to its shape. It's weird. LIAM: You said we can see the end of this passageway, but not what's beyond it. MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: I'm rolling Eyes of the Grave. Just for the hell of it. MATT: Right. Nothing comes up. SAM: Well, Twiggy? DEBORAH: I'm happy to keep going. SAM: All right. MATT: Marching order, please? DEBORAH: I'll be in first. TRAVIS: Twiggy, 50 feet behind everyone else. MATT: Who's after Twiggy? DEBORAH: I'm skipping. SAM: I'll go after Twiggy. MATT: Nott and Twiggy. Who's after Nott? LAURA: I'll go after Nott. TRAVIS: I'll go after Jester. MARISHA: I'll be after Fjord. TALIESIN: I'll be after Beau. MATT: Caleb in the back. SAM: Always. Hey, we're sort of in size order! LAURA: Hey Caleb! You know in haunted houses a lot of time they attack the person in the back. TALIESIN: I'm paying attention. DEBORAH: I'm skipping stealthily. TALIESIN: (singing) Tiptoe through the tulips. DEBORAH: Like Bugs Bunny. LAURA: No, that's a really creepy song from, that's from Insidious. MATT: You continue along this hallway, walking. It takes you a moment to realize, but as you're moving forward, the light seems to turn. Like whatever this source is, the light shifts slightly. Like whatever source is there seems to have some sort of movement. As you're paying attention and the closer you get to it, you begin to see it's like a flickering of firelight, there's a flame-based light source within whatever this next area is, but it seems to be rotating. You begin to make out shapes, vaguely, of things within that room, but it's rotating as you walk. It takes a moment for you all to realize that this chamber, you're spiraling around it, but there's no change to your sense of gravity, but it a corkscrew movement. LAURA: Whoa, that's freaky. TRAVIS: (vomiting) (laughter) MATT: Eventually, you come to the end of the hallway. Inside it appears to be a warm interior. It's a crafted den or study of some kind, but the angle you're at as you come to the end of it is a heavy steep angle. You see all these bookshelves and a desk across the chamber and there are candelabras in there, they're all this harsh angle, but they're not sliding, they're all held in place by something. TALIESIN: Or we are. LAURA: By gravity! TALIESIN: I'm going to try and use Thaumaturgy through the door to see if I can affect the flame before we enter. MATT: Okay. You cast Thaumaturgy, no effect. TALIESIN: Well, that's weird. DEBORAH: It's in front? TALIESIN: We're not in there yet. DEBORAH: The flames we see are between us. MATT: The flames you see are inside the chamber, and you haven't entered the chamber yet. The Thaumaturgy doesn't seem to-- DEBORAH: But are they in the way of us entering the chamber? MATT: No. DEBORAH: Oh, okay. TALIESIN: No, I was just curious if the magic would follow through, apparently not, or whatever is in there is not real. I don't know. LAURA: Can we see any movement outside the flames? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Come on, Jessie. LAURA: Oh, well, 11, no. MATT: No movement beyond just the slow movement of flames. MARISHA: Is there any scripture or writing on the--? MATT: In the interior of the hallway? MARISHA: Yeah, to like enter this door. MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: Natural 20. MATT: Looking around the edge of the hall, the ending, you don't see any script or symbols. Looking inside the chamber, though, as you get close and peer within, this is definitely a study of some kind. There are bookshelves upon bookshelves that round different areas. You can see a desk on the far end with a chair there. You don't see anybody in it. Across from where this desk is, you get close and push and past Twiggy and Nott to look inside. This is a tall chamber, it's maybe 70 or 60 foot tall. Taller almost than it is wide. On the opposite end of the desk, above this large collection of bookshelves, there is a heavy stained glass window that's about 30 or 40 feet tall, and about 40 to 50 feet wide. MARISHA: Is there any image in the stained glass? MATT: There is no light source behind it. You can see the stained glass and that there are colors to it, but there's nothing behind, no daylight to really make it clear from this distance. You'd have to get closer. DEBORAH: Do we see any other exits in this tower, this chamber? MATT: Not from where you're standing. But you guys still have not entered the chamber. LAURA: Should we do it stealthily? SAM: Yes. MARISHA: I think we're about to enter into someone's study. LAURA: I'm going to case Pass Without a Trace on all of us. MATT: So everyone gets plus ten to their stealth check. I'd like everyone to roll a stealth check for me, please. TRAVIS: 21. MATT: Beau? MARISHA: 34. LIAM: 15. SAM: 32. LAURA: 17. DEBORAH: 20. TALIESIN: 24. MATT: Overall, pretty good stealth scores. You feel pretty confident that as you one by one enter the chamber, bracing yourself to slide down with the curved floor, and you stumble and trip as you enter because, as soon as you step in, your whole perspective shifts and gravity is as it should be in that chamber. You all step in at an odd angle and have to catch yourself as you have to reorient yourself in an instant. LIAM: Like stepping off a moving sidewalk at the airport, but way worse. MATT: Yes. LAURA: That was a neat trick. MATT: As you all step in the chamber, let me get a visual reference. (cheering) TALIESIN: So many toys today. SAM: The Raven and the Rook is a thing that I don't have any information about. LAURA: They make badass notebooks! LIAM: Ring based. TALIESIN: Hey, oh! (oohing) SAM: Look at all those books! LAURA: Whoa! There's a ladder, you guys! DEBORAH: We like ladders. TALIESIN: I love a good ladder. MATT: Pushing into this chamber, this door is already open. LAURA: Ooh! A door that works! MATT: You guys all step into the interior of this den of some kind. TRAVIS: I'm not looking at your notes, I'm just looking through the wall. MATT: It's fine. LAURA: Where's the fireplace? Is it straight across? MATT: There's no fireplace, but there are candelabras throughout the chamber that give a light source that flickers throughout the interior. This is all bookcases, these are bookcases, these are bookcases, these are bookcases, this is a closed bookcase. There's a small desk here and a large desk here and the stained glass window stands up there. LAURA: Those books look like you could remove them and play with them. TRAVIS: Caleb passes out. LIAM: Nosebleed. TALIESIN: I'm going to try the candelabra again see if I can get those flames a little brighter. MATT: Once you start, all of the flames flicker brighter causing deeper shadows across the chamber. TALIESIN: I'll reel them back in. All right, that's good to know. DEBORAH: You say now we see a door and it's open? MATT: That's the door you came through. SAM: But there's no other doors in this room? MATT: Make a perception check. You guys entered from that side. SAM: I will look for a door. That's cocked. Six. LAURA: That wasn't cocked. MATT: It looks pretty solid. TRAVIS: You say the stained glass window was on which wall? MATT: This wall here. TRAVIS: Gotcha. Thank you. MATT: There's a ladder over there as well. Looks like these are all set aside for climbing and getting higher. TRAVIS: I'll climb up the ladder and get just under the stained glass window. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Can I see through the glass or at the glass or is it above me? MATT: No, you can see through it. It starts maybe six inches off where that platform starts and then continues up for the next 40 or so feet. Looking through, it is darkness, void, a lack of light. The only color you're able to make out is what the candlelight from the inside of the chamber is enabling you to see from the inside, from this side. TALIESIN: I'm going to maybe throw some illumination up so we can see the window a bit better. MATT: Okay. As you all step into the middle of the chamber to look at this stained glass window above you-- LAURA: We should have checked for traps and stuff, you guys. TALIESIN: Yeah. I was going to say, I was actually thinking about getting up. I would like that, that weird corner ladder. MATT: Over here? TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: Sure. You place yourselves where you want to be. TRAVIS: You and your damn loft positions, Taliesin. TALIESIN: I like a good loft position. Since I was a kid, my favorite thing. MATT: As there's more light in the chamber, you can see now, above this desk there is a 12-foot-tall, six-foot-wide picture frame. In the picture frame, from the side angle, it has no image. As you step into the center, an image comes into shape. You see a tall, ten- to 12-foot-tall portrait of a man: thin, of light brown skin, long dark hair that tumbles past his shoulders, a very thinly-groomed chin beard that falls to a point three or four inches below-- it's a very succinct point-- wearing a red robe with gold trim. LAURA: Does he have a ring on? MATT: He is wearing a handful of rings on his hands. Billowing sleeves folded across his lap. His eyes are a piercing amber-yellow color, and his lip curls ever so slightly into a knowing smile. DEBORAH: He doesn't look like Sir Cadigan, does he? MATT: No. LAURA: Okay, that's where I was going. What about a green ring, though? Does he have a green ring? TALIESIN: Can we see his feet? MATT: No. It's lap up. LAURA: Wait, describe him. Say him again. SAM: Do all of it again. MATT: A tall, thin man of light brown skin, with long, dark hair that tumbles past his shoulders, a very thinly-groomed chin beard that falls to a point about three inches below his chin, wearing a red robe with gold trim, with billowing sleeves that fold across his lap. His eyes are a piercing amber yellow. His lips curl ever so slightly into a knowing smile. There you go. LAURA: And he's got lots of rings on. MATT: Yeah, he's got some intricate rings on his fingers. SAM: He's wearing a red robe, you said? MATT: Yes. It looks almost the same coloration, the same deep red, the same gold trim. LAURA: Oh look! I bet it's that guy! That's his robe! TRAVIS: What's that? LAURA: He's thin. TRAVIS: Ah! Ah! DEBORAH: Guys, I really want to know what's in the closed cabinet. Can I go look? TALIESIN: I would check for things, but. DEBORAH: Should I use my fancy hand again? LIAM: I think both of you should be taking a look around in this moment. MATT: While that's happening, the stained glass window, now that you have light that's illuminating it-- MARISHA: Oh shit. MATT: There is no backlight, so it's just the light that you have on it right there. It shows clusters of different colored circles and discs arranged in a strange, tethered pattern. You see different colored discs, different sizes and colorations, that are laid into this with fragments of dark blues and grays in between. They are all tethered by these silver threads and various tangled-- it looks like a crazed synesthesia equation, if you will. Anybody who's trained in arcana or history, go ahead and roll. TRAVIS: Okay then. LIAM: The worst roll. MARISHA: Don't fuck me, Gil. TRAVIS: 15. MARISHA: 15. MATT: Okay. This arrangement, you begin to make out, is a layout of the planes, the transitive planes of the Ethereal and the Astral between the realms. You see these clouds of gray and light blue that mingle and create a Venn diagram where everything overlaps on top of. They act as the threads that hold these things together and connect them in between. The inner planes showing the elemental chaos where the primordial elements were ordered into following the Founding of Exandria. You can see where the flaming sphere is placed here, and there is the water, and the wind, and the earth. That is the scattering of these inner planes. DEBORAH: Is there a You Are Here sticker? TRAVIS: Yeah! MARISHA: That's actually, yes. MATT: The outer planes, where the realms where the divine exist, are scattered and connected, all surrounding the Material Plane on the outer side. What you both notice, two things are off about this. One, there's no Divine Gate shown here. In this whole layout, there is no reference. Most maps or sketches or historical designs of this type of a layout contains the Divine Gate because that was a major event that happened after the Calamity and separated all of the gods from the mortal planes. LIAM and LAURA: This is old. LIAM: Old, just like the device. MATT: You get the sense this was designed before the Divine Gate was ever created. Number two, there is an additional shape. Smaller than the rest. A tiny, ruby-like circle that floats in the Astral Sea, that is not tethered to anything, and seems to not really fit within your understanding of the cosmos. TRAVIS: A small ruby circle? MATT: Like the same color. Like the color of a ruby. SAM: A ruby in the Astral Sea? MATT and LAURA: Aww. TRAVIS: Does it blink, shine, shimmer, move? MATT: No, it's just the same type of material as everything else. It's the glass the window's made out of. MARISHA: And where is that amongst the planes, the little ruby amongst the sea? Is it in between two certain certain planes? MATT: It looks like it's sitting in the center of the Astral Sea, and doesn't have any tethers. Everything else seems to be tethered by these silver cords, almost, that puts in this large tapestry. And that is just floating between all the lines in the middle of the Astral Sea. TRAVIS: Confused by its location, I'm gonna touch it. MATT: You touch it? TRAVIS: Yep. DEBORAH: Yes! MARISHA: Oh shit. MATT: You touch it, and all of you hear this loud, heavy shattering sound as the window shatters into a hundred different pieces, all of them stopping about three feet from the window and freezing in place. Fjord, standing before it in this void gets sucked into the darkness and the glass window closes behind him. MARISHA: What?! SAM: Ah! What did he touch?! MARISHA: Are you serious?! DEBORAH: He touched the-- MATT: No, no one technically was watching. LIAM: The red bubble? This is some labyrinth shit, motherfucker. LAURA: What just happened? Where did Fjord just go? SAM: (yelling) Fjord! No! MARISHA: Why does this keep happening to you? TRAVIS: Because I do stupid shit! MATT: So what are you guys doing? We'll get to you later. DEBORAH: We were on the way to the cabinet-- TRAVIS: Why does he got to describe it and make it sound so interesting? SAM: How can you focus on the cabinet right now?! DEBORAH: Because maybe it'll tell us where he went! SAM: Okay, you're right. There might be information in there. Let's go look at the cabinet. DEBORAH: We're going to the cabinet. SAM: I will support you and help you and aid you, but judgmentally. LAURA: I'm going to run up where Fjord disappeared. MARISHA: I was actually technically watching from downstairs. MATT: You guys notice him vanish. There's no like, where did Fjord go? You heard the wall explode and him disappear and then it reset itself and closed. SAM: No one else touch it! TALIESIN: Okay, let's all just be very careful before we do anything. DEBORAH: I like his style! LIAM: I know a lot of people are doing a lot of things, but eventually get to me, I'm going to start ransacking the desk for notes about that. MATT: Okay. Caleb's heading over to the desk. As you're walking by, Caleb, there are books and books on these shelves, and you notice that all of the books have a brass binding around them, like a lock. Like a square shaped manacle that is affixed around it, and it looks like all of them are locked in some way. There might be ways to open it, but it looks like whoever left this alone did not intend for anyone to open it but them. LAURA: That looks like an open book at the end of the room, Caleb. LIAM: I'm looking for a way to help Fjord right now. MATT: You guys are over at the opposite end of this closed thing. This also has a brass bar that is bolted and affixed to the closed cabinet. DEBORAH: Want to take it? SAM: Unlock it? Yes. DEBORAH: You want me to do it? SAM: Yes, I will aid you. DEBORAH: Okay, so I'm thieves' tooling on it. MATT: All right, so make an attempt with advantage. DEBORAH: 27. MATT: You manage to find an area underneath the bar where there's a button press or symbol, and you get one of the tools underneath, push it inside, and turn. As you do, the bar (click). DEBORAH: While Twiggy does this, she sticks her tongue out the side of her mouth and one eye closed. MATT: It appears to be unlocked. DEBORAH: Okay. SAM: Let's open it. DEBORAH: We both take each one and open up the cabinet. MATT: Okay, you open the inside of the cabinet, and it is empty. DEBORAH: I don't buy it. SAM: Let's feel around, wiggle around. DEBORAH: We stick our hands in. MATT: Okay! You put your hands inside the empty cabinet, and it immediately closes on your arms as teeth suddenly emerge from the sides of the door. (yelling, groaning) MARISHA: Shut up! MATT: No, actually, this is an attack on each of you. Oh, that's cocked. Okay, that is 23 against you. DEBORAH: Okay. MATT: And that is 17 against you. SAM: Hits. MATT: All right. Each of you suffer 14 points of piercing damage. SAM: Uncanny dodge. DEBORAH: Yeah, uncanny dodge. MATT: Both of you take seven points of piercing damage, but you are both currently grappled as it is slammed on your arms in a very The Thing kind of way, like when the guy's chest opens and closes. Yeah, it's some John Carpenter. It closes on you and you see on each of the doors where the striations of the wood are, they split and you see these eyes peek through at you. LAURA: I immediately turn around and Invoke Duplicity down on the ground near them. MATT: Okay. All right, that Invoke Duplicity appears. Where do you want her to be? LAURA: Right next to them. MATT: Okay, yeah, so you guys are both up here right now. LAURA: Mm-hmm. TALIESIN: For Pete's-- Sacred Flame. MATT: All right, I need you guys to roll initiative. SAM: Oh, boy. TRAVIS: What about me, Matt? MATT: Nope! TRAVIS: I'm going to do it! 19. MATT: Okay, so, 25 to 20? 20 to 15? DEBORAH: 17. SAM: Hey! MATT: All righty. SAM and MARISHA: Marishative. SAM: Roll for Marishative. MATT: There you go. 15 to ten? MARISHA: 11. SAM: 12. Whoa, you guys. MATT: Beau is going at the same time as the cabinet. MARISHA: "Beau is going at the same time as the cabinet." MATT: I love saying that. That's an actual phrase that exists. I'm so happy. Ten to five? LAURA: Five, but I rolled a natural one. LIAM: Six. MATT: Okay, got you. Caduceus? TALIESIN: Three. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: There's a long sigh at the beginning of the round. MATT: Twiggy, you're up first. DEBORAH: I'm up first. First, I would like to, if possible, try to extricate my hands from this. Is it possible? MATT: It is. You have to use an action to try and escape with an ability check. You can choose either acrobatics or athletics. DEBORAH: Acrobatics! That is a 19. MATT: 19 is enough! You manage to wedge your arm-- DEBORAH: I put my foot up! MATT: -- and pull out, and, yeah, you manage to free yourself from its grasp. DEBORAH: Cool. Using my bonus action, I want to disengage from it and back up a little bit. MATT: Okay, easy enough. You manage to back up to there. DEBORAH: Yeah. MATT: That finishes your go. Nott, you're up next. SAM: Same exact move. MATT: Two peas in a pod over here. SAM: Yes, that's a 23. MATT: You manage to pull yourself free of it as well and back up to this side. SAM: Bonus action disengage! MATT: And pull away, no worries. DEBORAH: I put up my arm and I go: Twinsies! SAM: Ow! So much blood. MATT: That finishes your go. Beau and the cabinet go at the same time. Your dexterity is higher than the cabinet's so you go first. It's a cabinet. SAM: Hey, that's great. It's got four legs. MARISHA: Man, some days you lose, some days you beat a cabinet. (laughter) MATT: (singing) Levitz pained! (spoken) What are you doing? MARISHA: I look over and I go: They're fine, and I go upstairs with Jester. TRAVIS: You're not going to whale on this cabinet, bro? MARISHA: Nope. I don't give a fuck right now about that cabinet. MATT: All right, the cabinet-- MARISHA: Oh, it moves? Now I care a little. MATT: Yeah, this is full on, we're talking dark side of Beauty and the Beast here. Just making its way forward. It does notice it's an illusion. It just steps through it. SAM: That's a perceptive cabinet. DEBORAH: It is! MATT: It moves through and it's going to attempt to bite. It can bite whoever is adjacent in front of it. As you guys move back, it's going to try and open and try and swallow you up into it. DEBORAH: All right. MATT: It's going to attempt to lean forward and pull you into the cabinet's mouth. Against you, Nott, that is-- Ooh, that's a 12. I don't think that hits. SAM: Do I roll against that? MATT: No, it's just a hit. SAM: Oh, does not hit. MATT: Yep. And against you, natural 18. DEBORAH: Oh, yeah, you hit. MATT: Yeah, all right, so you suffer-- DEBORAH: Now, did that first uncanny dodge count as my reaction, or can I use it now? MATT: You've had your turn since, so you have your reaction back. DEBORAH: So I can halve it now. MATT: Yes, you can. So it would be 16 points of piercing damage, which is reduced to eight; however, you are swallowed. LIAM: Oh, she's in it! MATT: So you're inside of it now. It scoops you up. It lowers down and slams the cabinet shut as it pulls back. Twiggy's legs are kicking there, and like Audrey 2, it just sucks her inside of the cabinet. DEBORAH: I'll never stop loving you! SAM: It's okay, she's lived in a box for like a week. MATT: She's used to this! Caleb, you're up. LIAM: I am going to trust my friends to take care of the monster. I have a feeling about the desk. This is what I would do. I would think that there might be something in this man's desk, so I start looking for anything of use. MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: The desk is a mimic. LIAM: It is a 16. MATT: Taking a minute to glance through, a couple of things. One, you pull open one of the drawers. You see a glass jar about this big that contains about a hundred or so of these small glass beads. There's that. You go, "Okay, that's that." On the desk itself, there's a large vial of ink, about that big. It's a heavy vial of ink with this big red quill placed next to it into a little cap. TRAVIS: May be Taliesin's. TALIESIN: This is a death trap. This is a fucking death trap. MATT: The cork that has been removed from the ink vial is laid there next to it on the table. You see, in another cabinet, a small porcelain doll. It's made of porcelain and silk. It's crafted to look like a young woman in a very fine blue and black silk dress. The hair is long and silver, and the hair in particular is very realistic. DEBORAH: Too much detail. LAURA: Voodoo doll. TRAVIS: I love it when the DM describes something as too realistic. MATT: That's all you find in the desk. LIAM: Okay, so then what I do is think: All these things can kill me. I back away from the desk. I'm going to move as far as I can away from the dresser, along this way. MATT: That'll put you there. LIAM: No, I'm sorry, I meant-- MATT: I'm saying you're at the desk to search it. So that's (counting) 30, which puts you there. LIAM: Exactly, so yeah. MATT: That finishes your go, Caleb? LIAM: That's it. MATT: Jester, you're up. LAURA: Okay. I'm going to turn around with my duplicate, and I'm going to cast Inflict Wounds on the cabinet. MATT: Go for it. LAURA: Can you do that? MATT: Yeah, you can. LAURA: Okay, I'm going to do that at 2nd-level. MATT: Second level, so is that 4d10 damage? LAURA: Yeah, that's 4d10. MATT: Roll to hit first. You have to roll a d20 and then add your spell attack. SAM: Side of a barn door, right? MATT: Yes, not hard to hit. It's a cabinet. LAURA: 17. MATT: 17 definitely hits. Roll damage. Since your illusion is immaterial-- go ahead? TRAVIS: Would the cabinet have a French accent when it talked? MATT: You'll find out. DEBORAH: Be our guest. MATT: Hon hon hon, nom nom nom, I love me some gnome flesh! TRAVIS: I have been here for so long. DEBORAH: Nom nom nom. LAURA: 20 points. MATT: 20 points of damage. LAURA: Yes. DEBORAH: I have not eaten since the Calamity. (laughter) MATT: The burst of necrotic energy slams into it, and the cabinet shakes in place. The eyes roll in pain for a second, and they withdraw into the wood before they pop out once more from the doorways. It seems to chew for a second in anger, but it looks hurt. It's not bloodied, but that was a hefty hit. Not bad. MARISHA: While she was doing that, I was like: I feel like I saw him look over here somewhere. So over here, yeah. LAURA: Yeah, I'm paying attention to her and going (vague noise). MATT: That finishes Jester's go? Caduceus, you're up. TALIESIN: I'm going to hit it with Sacred Flame. MATT: I got caught up in it. TALIESIN: Going to hit this guy with a Sacred Flame. MATT: Sacred Flame is a dexterity saving throw? TALIESIN: Yep, dexterity saving throw. MATT: Nope! It's not very fast, this cabinet. TALIESIN: Nah, I didn't think it would be. That's not bad; that's 14 points of damage. MATT: 14 points of damage. You watch this burst of divine energy around it with this faint aqua glow to it as it burns around it. The area where it hits, you see the wood darken and splinter. Its boxlike shape is beginning to warp and twist a little bit as it's starting to give up a little bit of its instinctual form. Now it's looking hurt. TALIESIN: Spit it out! Come on! MATT: That finishes your go? TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: Twiggy. Top of your turn. First things first, it's digesting you. DEBORAH: Cool. MATT: You take, ooh, that's 15 points of acid damage. You are inside of it, still. DEBORAH: Cool. I'm inside? LIAM: Fava beans. DEBORAH: Because I have an ally within five feet, can I attack it from the inside using sneak attack? MATT: I'd allow it. There's few places as exposed and vulnerable as the inside of its mouth! DEBORAH: Yeah, I'm going to hang out for a minute and attack it from the inside. MATT: Okay. You are restrained, so it's disadvantage on the attack, but it is also the inside of its mouth, so try it out. DEBORAH: Let's do it because it's fun. Disadvantage is an 18 plus seven, so I think that's pretty good. LIAM: Deborah, can you be here every week? DEBORAH: That's a nine from my initial hit, piercing. Then with my sneak attack, another four and six, so another ten. 19 total. MATT: 19 points of damage from the inside as you jam the dagger up into the top of the cabinet. It's a combination of wood striation and weird liquid muscle that are pushing against you as it's digesting you. You jam upward where you imagine the head might be. As you do, you hear (groaning) from the inside. It begins shifting and quaking, and the muscles are beginning to spasm. It needs to make a constitution saving throw, which it fails and spits you out. You are prone on the ground adjacent it. But it does like, (throwing up). DEBORAH: What does the digestive juices look like? MATT: It is a coating of semi-translucent film with a very faint green texture to it. But it mostly looks like spittle, a very thick spittle. DEBORAH: And I'm covered in it. MATT: You're covered in it. We're talking Ghostbusters slimer hit covered. DEBORAH: As I'm lying on the ground, I wipe it off the front of my face and throw it on the ground and growl at the cabinet. MATT: You still have movement. DEBORAH: I do have movement. As a bonus action, I can disengage. MATT: You can. Half your movement to get prone, if you want to, unless you want to crawl. DEBORAH: I think I want to crawl. Am I halved if I crawl? MATT: Yeah. DEBORAH: But I'm halved if I stand up anyway. MATT: Yeah, your call. DEBORAH: I'm going to crawl. I'm going to go back half, so 15 feet. MATT: You can get under the table if you want. DEBORAH: Yeah, I'm going to go 15 feet back under the table. I can't hide, but I'm going to get under there because it's not that smart. MATT: You leave this little trail on the ground as you get under the table. DEBORAH: Yeah, slug slime. MATT: You got it. Nott, you're up first. SAM: Is Jester's duplicate considered--? MATT: It does not count as an ally. SAM: Okay. Well then, I will bonus action-- shit. I won't bonus action. I will move away from it. MATT: Okay, you step away. It takes an attack of opportunity with you. It's going to attempt to bite at you and consume you. That is a 15 to hit. What's your armor class? SAM: 16. MATT: You just manage to duck out of the way as it slams shut inches from your body. SAM: Okay. I'll skitter behind near that candelabra and bonus action hide. MATT: You are going to attempt to hide over here or over here? SAM: Well, I was going over-- MATT: Oh, this way. You manage to bonus action hide. All right, roll a stealth check. SAM: Okay. 19 plus a million. So it's a-- MATT: You feel pretty stealthy. SAM: 29, yeah. I think we still have Pass without Trace. 39. MATT: You feel pretty hidden. Just throwing it out there. SAM: Then I will attack from my hidden position. MATT: All right, so you move back out. LAURA: You actually I don't think have Pass without Trace because I Invoked Duplicity, but whatever. MATT: Oh, that's right, yeah. It's fine; he's still hidden. SAM: Okay, so that is a 24 to hit. MATT: You do have advantage on the attack since it did not see you. SAM: Still 24 to hit. MATT: Yeah, all right. SAM: Let's see here. (counting) That's 21, plus I'll use Fury of the Small. That's 28. I was going to use one of my explosive arrows, but I have three, and one of them doesn't work. So I don't know which one I drew. MATT: Roll a d6. On a one or a two, it's the defunct one. SAM: It's a two! MATT: Perfect! Well, regardless, how do you want to do this? SAM: Where do I shoot on a cabinet? I'll wait till the doors are just a little open and try to thread the needle and jam it right through its mouth heart. MATT: As it vanishes into its mouth heart, the cabinet closes shut. The eyes go wide for a second, and you are waiting for the explosion like, (straining). SAM: It's filled with pepper. MATT: Yeah. It goes (sneezing) and starts sneezing heavily. As it's sneezing, the wounds that it's taken are causing it to sneeze up its blood. It is leaving puddles on the ground, until eventually the eyes roll back and it falls on the ground. LIAM: That cabinet had a mother! LAURA: That was pretty gross, straight through. TALIESIN: Let's all maybe be a little more careful about the-- LIAM: Fjord, Fjord. MARISHA: He's gone. LIAM: Yeah, what are we going to do about it, Nott? SAM: Are you okay? DEBORAH: I'm okay. Gnome power of two! MATT: It's a room filled with books, Caleb. SAM: I'm not. I'm a goblin. MATT: Make a choice. LIAM: I'm going to join the women up top. TALIESIN: Is there anything I see on the top of these cabinets? There's all this space above, and I want to see if there's anything-- MATT: Make a perception check. TALIESIN: All right. Come on. I'll take that. That's a 17. MATT: Looking up there, behind one of the cabinets, you see a small stack of books that haven't been categorized yet. They're still locked with the same bronze binder, but it looks like they were set aside, like somebody threw them up there to get to later. TALIESIN: Hey-- oh god, everybody's-- Twiggy, can you grab that stack of books over there and throw them at Caleb? Or take a look at that. DEBORAH: You got it, friend! I run. I'm still covered in disgustingness, so I start wiping it off and shaking like a dog. It flies everywhere. MATT: All over the place. DEBORAH: Where is it? MATT: Up here is where Caduceus is. DEBORAH: Up there, yeah. I'll scamper up next to him. TALIESIN: Let's take a look at these. DEBORAH: Do you want me to take a look at it? TALIESIN: Let's look at this lock, see if it seems trapped or something, or I don't know. DEBORAH: Yeah, I'll check it for a trap. MATT: Yeah, go for it. Make an investigation check. DEBORAH: 25. MATT: They do not appear to be trapped, but they are definitely locked. DEBORAH: Okay. Thieves' tools? MATT: These bronze clasps around their form. Is that for one book? DEBORAH: No, 13. MATT: One book. You try and get there, and the lock breaks. One of your tools snaps inside. TALIESIN: Here, wipe it on this. That's okay. DEBORAH: I tried. MATT: There's the second book and the third book. DEBORAH: Okay, second book? 21. MATT: That book, the metal brace opens up, and the book is available to you. TALIESIN: Hey, Caleb! DEBORAH: Caleb, we got books! LIAM: Are there any sigils or writing anywhere on the frame of the window or in the window? MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: Balls. Five. MATT: Looking around, no. You see the smooth glass of different colors, and you see the seams that hold them together where it's been sealed. You can see the various colors and shapes around it. Nah. You're panicking a bit. LIAM: I want to climb down the ladder and look for anything, not books right now, but are there any buttons or switches or anything out of place, anything besides decor and a library? LAURA: Did anybody see what he was doing when he disappeared? MARISHA: Yeah, he was looking in this area. He was like, "Ah", and then I feel like I saw his head go over here. But then the bookshelf was in the way, so I couldn't see what he was reaching for. SAM: Did anyone check this desk over here, next to the portrait? MATT: That's what Caleb checked earlier. SAM: What about the far desk, behind the mimic? MATT: No one's looked at that, necessarily. SAM: I'll go snoop around there. MATT: Okay. You are going to head to that desk there. Okay, make an investigation check, and perception check for you. LIAM: Perception or investigation? I'm looking for hidden switches, or-- MATT: Oh, I see. Then make an investigation check. SAM: 18 for me. LIAM: 23. MATT: Looking around, you see, amongst all the books that are latched in, there's one big, beautiful, red leather book with sapphires embedded in it along the base. It's locked in, and it's placed ostentatiously in the center of the center bookcase right there. You don't catch any other hidden chambers, but that stands out. TRAVIS: (whispering) Probably not important. MATT: You, checking the desk, it is locked. It is arcane locked. SAM: So I can't pick it? MATT: You look it. You're like, "This is not moving." You're not sure if it's trapped, necessarily. But glancing at it, you're like, "This is locked," and it's locked in a way where you're not entirely certain. You could try, but it's going to be a very hard lock. SAM: I'll try. MATT: Go for it. SAM: Natural ten. MATT: (laughs) Total of? SAM: 20. MATT: 20? It's not budging. SAM: Okay. DEBORAH: Should we open the last book? SAM: Do you have Knock or something? TALIESIN: What's the title of the first book that we opened, by the way? DEBORAH: Yeah, is there any markings on the one that we opened? TALIESIN: Not opening it, just looking at the-- MATT: Interestingly enough, the books' titles are not visible. They are blank, and then once the binding comes off, the title appears on the front. The title of this says Public Debate Records: Forum of Zeidel. SAM: Yawn. DEBORAH: Third one? 20. MATT: That one comes off. This one, no title appears. You see instead a burn mark appear on the front, like it's singed. DEBORAH: Hmm. TALIESIN: That's very interesting. Maybe, here, let's bring it down to the table, and we'll open it from a distance. DEBORAH: Yes. We'll bring it down and put it on the table. Shall my magic hand do it? MATT: Okay, you're watching them come over with these two books, and they put them on the table in the center. LIAM: So burned book and-- DEBORAH: It has a burned slash on it. Should I open it with my magic hand? Everybody stand back? SAM: Yes, of course! We've got to find out what's going on. LAURA: I turn around and watch it happen. DEBORAH: It goes forward. We're all standing back. MATT: Which book do you open? DEBORAH: The one with the burned slash on it. MATT: Okay. As it opens up, the pages pull open and come to rest. Nothing happens. LAURA: It's just a book? MATT: It's a book. You can see there is a place on the inside where a name might have been placed, but that also has been burned off. You can see from the way it opened up there are a few pages torn out. It looks to be maybe a hundred or so pages. LIAM: Nott, Twiggy, would you both come here, please? SAM: Yes, of course. LIAM: This book-- SAM: The ruby one? LIAM: Ja. Do you see anything that could hurt us by touching this? Do you make anything of this? SAM: I will search for traps. DEBORAH: I'm going to help you. MATT: It's investigation. SAM: 11. DEBORAH: If I help him, can he have advantage? MATT: Sure. If you're helping him out, yeah. Roll again. SAM: 13. MATT: It's hard to say. It's definitely a very pretty book. It's trying to get your attention by the way it's designed and placed. SAM: Doesn't look like it's dangerous. Looks safe. MATT: Make a perception check, Caleb. LIAM: Ja. 22. MATT: You're paying attention to this layout. They open up this book on the table, and you glance over at it. You look back, and you look back at the book. Those are spell equations. LAURA: On the one on the table? MATT: The one that they just opened on the table. SAM: The burned one? MATT: The burned one. DEBORAH: Has spell equations in it? Okay. LIAM: We have to get Fjord out of that window somehow. SAM: Take the book! At least take the book! Hey, I've got an idea. I don't know how much time we have, and yes, we've got to find Fjord-- LIAM: I'll touch that book. MATT: Touch the one that's open? Okay. You touch it. It's a regular book. SAM: Caleb, do we have her Happy Fun Ball? LIAM: No. SAM: It's gone? LAURA: It didn't come with us. SAM: Do you have your haversack? MATT: Make an investigation check, Beau. Since Jester's helping you at this point, you can do it with advantage because you guys are both glancing at what to do. TALIESIN: I'm taking a look at that other book really quickly as well. MARISHA: Natural 19. Thank you, Gil. 24. MATT: Skimming over it, you actually wait for a moment where Caduceus is walking and the light hits it. You can see a point on the glass where you can just make out the faint dimming of the reflection across the smooth surface: the fingerprint left by Fjord. In a very Sherlock Holmes moment, you see the one moment across the glass where it's not quite as shiny, and it's that single bit of red that's imbedded in the glass. LAURA: What do you see, Beau? MARISHA: Feels like something recent. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: I think I know what Fjord did. Hey, Caduceus. TALIESIN: Yeah? MARISHA: Or Caleb. LIAM: Yeah? MARISHA: Can either one of you put light behind this stained glass? TALIESIN: I can try. I'm going to try. MARISHA: Backlight it? TALIESIN: I'm trying to cast Light on the other side of the glass. On the glass, on the other side of the glass. MATT: Technically, it has to be something you touch. So you can put it on the glass-- TALIESIN: No, I can throw it. MATT: Light as a cantrip is a touch spell. TALIESIN: Is it a touch spell? Yeah, you are not wrong! LAURA: I'll get down so that you can get up and cast it. TALIESIN: Yeah, I can't put it on the other side of the glass because I can't touch the other side of the glass. MARISHA: Caleb? LIAM: I will make four globules of light, and I will try to put two of them on our side and two on the other side. MATT: Okay. As the globs appear on the opposite end, they're snuffed out. DEBORAH: I think we should touch it, you guys. LIAM and SAM: No! MARISHA: Yeah, I was going to say. I have a feeling that's where Fjord is. I think he touched this thing, which... yeah. MATT: Make an intelligence check, Caleb. LIAM: I don't know if breaking it is-- 12 plus straight add the intelligence? 17. MATT: The void, the vacuous darkness behind this, reminds you very closely to the hallway that you traveled in here on. MARISHA: I mean-- LIAM: It's not here. MARISHA: It's maybe the way out. TALIESIN: Probably. MARISHA: Or somewhere else. SAM: Our options right now are to pull the mysterious ruby book, to touch the glass, or to keep searching. LIAM: One of you little ones, please, would you use your magical hand to touch-- there's a jar in that drawer and there is a bottle of ink. SAM: You want them both? LIAM: If they are safe to touch, but don't use your fingers. DEBORAH: I'll send my hand for the jar. SAM: I'll get the ink. TALIESIN: I'm going to head over towards that other ladder really quickly. MATT: Okay. You can go ahead and cork the ink and take it with you. LAURA: To come up on the level where Beau is? TALIESIN: Well, there's that weird desk behind there. Have we looked in that desk that's behind the--? DEBORAH: Yes, I did. Nott went to look, right? LIAM: That smaller desk? TALIESIN: Yeah, what was in there? SAM: Oh, it's got an arcane lock. Can you undo an arcane lock? TALIESIN: Maybe. SAM: Can you dispel it or something? TALIESIN: I'll try Dispel Magic. Why the fuck not? MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I cast Dispel Magic on the desk. MATT: All righty. Double checking here. SAM: A conundrum. Right now Fjord's having coffee with Grog. TRAVIS: (as Fjord) What's your name? (as Grog) What's your name?! MATT: You cast Dispel Magic. There's a release of arcane energy across it-- sorry, the divine energy. You see the sparkles slowly fade as your concentration ends. TALIESIN: Give it a go. SAM: Okay. I'll try to pick it again, I guess. DEBORAH: I'll help you. TALIESIN: I'll head up to the stained glass. MATT: Okay. It's not locked anymore. SAM: Oh, it's not locked! Oh. We open it! MATT: It's a (rumbling). It's one of those roll tops that slides up. MARISHA: I want one of those. LIAM: Thousand-year-old roll top. MARISHA: While they all do that, I go: I'm going to see how Fjord's doing-- (thud)-- and hit the ruby. MATT: Okay. As this is happening, the glass shatters. You watch as both Beau and Jester get pulled in. MARISHA: Oh. Sorry. Oh shit! MATT: It closes back behind them. MARISHA: My actions affect other people. Fuck. DEBORAH: Twiggy says: The time to be bold is now! I'll run up and touch the same spot she did. SAM: No! Twiggy! Don't! MATT: (glass shattering) Twiggy's gone. TRAVIS: What a fucking bunch of idiots we are! It's so good. TALIESIN: Let's take a look to see if there's anything in that desk. TRAVIS: And then there were three. MATT: Half your party is now gone. Who knows where. What are you doing? TALIESIN: I'm grabbing the debate book and we're looking at that desk and then we're taking off. SAM: Yeah, we're looking in the desk. MATT: Okay. It's empty. TALIESIN: Completely? LAURA: Oh no. SAM: Don't do this! I made this mistake before. It could be alive. TALIESIN: Goddamn it. I give up. Let's go find everybody. MATT: All right. You guys go back up? TALIESIN: Yep. This place is weird. I did grab the debate book. SAM: Not me. I'm staying with Caleb until the bitter end. MATT: Okay. You stay behind. Caduceus, same thing: shatters, pulls him in, and then closes and reforms itself. SAM: This is everything we ever wanted: a room full of books and it's just us. Should we just stay here for a while? LIAM: They're all locked. All these books are locked. SAM: I could pick them all. I just need time. DEBORAH: (laughing) Take 20. LIAM: (stuttering) I walk to that shelf over there and are they free? Do the books come off the shelf even though they're locked? MATT: These books, as you pull, they're stuck in the shelf. It seems like the mechanism has locked them into place. SAM: A mechanism! I can try. I'll try to unlock the mechanism. LIAM: Try a single time. SAM: What am I rolling? MATT: This is to unlock. This is your thieves' tools. SAM: 23. MATT: The book comes free. LIAM: Okay. I put it in my bag. TALIESIN: I like that you never check for traps. It really adds to the unknown. LIAM: Just do the two next to that one and then we'll go. SAM: Do they look good? LIAM: Yeah, they're very good. TRAVIS: Just the two next to that one. LIAM: Just do one more. SAM: All right. I'll try to unlock the next one. That's not as good. 12. MATT: (strained) It's not moving. It's not budging. SAM: I'll go to the third one. Ooh, that's better! 28. MATT: The second one comes free. LIAM: Okay. We're going to go follow them and we're either going to die or get out of here. I hope we get out of here. SAM: But all these books-- you're sure you got all the spell books? We need the spell books. LIAM: I need them. Let's go. SAM: I'm going to just see if there's any loose books on lower shelves that I can grab on my way out. LIAM: I climb up and I'm screaming at Nott: Let's go! SAM: Any other books? MATT: As he's moving up there? There's a bunch of shelves: books on the bottom row, there's the center row with the big shiny book, there's the top row with the other books-- LIAM: Nott, this is torture to me! Let's go. SAM: I take two on the other shelf and let's go. MATT: You go and pull? They're in place. They're not loose. SAM: Damn it! I'll try one. Nope. Didn't work. 15. MATT: Okay. Doesn't work. Doesn't come free. SAM: All right, I'm going. MATT: All right. You press the button? LIAM: After you. SAM: I can't reach. LIAM: I take her finger and I push our fingers together on it. MATT: (glass shattering) Closes behind. LIAM: New campaign. TALIESIN: Been fun, kids. MATT: I'll move this out of the way. SAM: We could have done the ruby book! DEBORAH: I came to destroy your party. LIAM: It was a red herring. That was a trap. SAM: Or it could've been the spell book that answered all your problems. MATT: So Fjord. The sensation of being rapidly thrust through darkness at a breakneck speed is tough on you for the moment that it's there. Your sense of physicality is stretched for just an instant, infinitely. A point of light rapidly growing towards you until you're pushed through a circular portal of some kind. You're falling. You're falling forward. Gravity is pulling you this direction. Make an acrobatics check for me. TRAVIS: Oh shit. Natural one. MATT: You fall 20 feet. Oh, not too bad. You suffer four points of bludgeoning damage as you slam down onto a circular stone dais. It's rising out of the middle of this chamber about two feet up. You slam into it, get up. There's a smattering of bone fragments across this platform and the floor around it. Bone fragments, bones. You look around you and you're standing in the center of an arrow-shaped chamber. It pulls back a little bit behind you, but to the back-right of you, there is a long hallway that goes into darkness that way. To the back-left of you, there's another hallway that goes into darkness behind you. In front of you, the chamber continues on for about another 40 or so feet. There's a dead end. It curves to a dead end and there is a pedestal in shadow with an orb there set onto this pedestal. Before it sits more corpse fragments surrounding glittering coins and jewels-- lots of jewels and gems-- what little bit of low light in here is catching them. What little bit of light there is, it's just the dull blue light. You can look up and the portal that you fell through is this faint blue sparkling loop that is the only light source in here. The rest of it's through your darkvision. You can just see the faint flicker of it reflect and refract through these scattered gemstones amongst this pile and a curled mass of deep cerulean blue scales. You hear a heavy snort from under a large, rigid horn as a pair of pale blue eyes open and focus onto you, the body of the large creature remaining at rest while its folded wings twitch. Powerful, but surprisingly slender, this young blue dragon lifts its head to address you. SAM: Don't worry. You got backup in about five minutes. (laughter) SAM: We just took a short rest. TRAVIS: (high-pitched) I'm okay. I'm a fucking sailor; I'm okay. I miss Grog! SAM: He's going to talk to you. MATT: (snarling) "The smell of unfamiliar sneak thieves finds us. The way is shut to you." TRAVIS: I apologize. (laughter) TRAVIS: I seem to have stumbled somewhere where I am not welcome. MATT: "That, you have." TRAVIS: If you would simply point towards the exit, I would be most obliged. MATT: You're not entirely certain where the pile of loot and the creature's body really begins. It's partially submerged into this nest that it's burrowed itself into. Besides from its neck that slowly begins to extend as its head lifts to meet your height, you can't really see the rest of it. It looks you over, its eyes taking in your shape. "Where's the fun in that? Why are you here, little morsel?" TRAVIS: Can I be entirely honest with you? MATT: "Oh, please." TRAVIS: I have recently been putting my hands where they don't belong. This time it sent me to you. MATT: "And what have we learned?" TRAVIS: Probably to look and not touch. MATT: "Good. Tell me, what else have those grubby hands touched? I like to know the flavors to expect." TRAVIS: Well, you know I do have a very salty variety myself. I'll summon the falchion in my hand. MATT: The falchion appears. At which point, the head curls back and one of the arms (loud impact). You hear coins scatter as the impact sends bits of its loot across the stone floor and into the shadows around. "Ah. It's been a while since my food has played back." TRAVIS: Now listen, I don't want to disturb you any further. I'm just going to see myself out stage left over here. You have a nice day and enjoy your vast fortune. I'll start to walk towards that left tunnel. MATT: Okay. As soon as you turn, you hear another (loud impact) as the other arm impacts. The ground shakes a little beneath you. Make a perception check with disadvantage because you're scared as shit. TRAVIS: Where'd you get that impression? Natural one! MATT: You can't even focus. Your eyes blur for a moment. TRAVIS: Yeah, small tears. LIAM: You got the jake legs. MATT: It stands there and goes, "Halas has not returned in an age. You shall keep me entertained "for now." TRAVIS: That's funny, I've actually heard that name before, Halas. We saw some of his belongings. Before you devour me like a tiny little shrimp, would you mind a small request in letting me know who that person was? MATT: Make a persuasion check. TRAVIS: I am charismatic. (squealing) 23! Natural 19. MATT: Still standing, you glance over your shoulder and you can see now its form. It's maybe, from wing tip to wing tip, about 20 or so feet. The body itself is not incredibly massive. This is a younger dragon, but it's still a fucking dragon. TRAVIS: Cool when there are six others, seven others. (panicked mumbling) MATT: It turns its head curiously towards you and breathes. As it does, you watch these crackling blue bolts between its teeth, arcing between the jaws. It opens up slightly, the tongue running itself over the front. "I don't know where he walks these days. It's been a while, but we have "an arrangement." TRAVIS: An arrangement, you and he? MATT: "Yes. I keep watch on some of his surroundings and he sends me food and gifts. One "day I'll be big enough to eat him and this will all be mine. But until then, I'm fine with the flattery." TRAVIS: How does he send you these, I assume, incredible gifts? MATT: "He leaves little pockets around the world." TRAVIS: I don't want to bring up a touchy subject, but I feel like your friend might be dead. MATT: He thinks for a second to himself. "Time does move strangely chamber to chamber here. If he "is, well, I guess that makes me lord of the manor." MARISHA: Oh no. MATT: You hear another-- (footsteps) TRAVIS: Manor? Are we in a house? MATT: "More or less." (footsteps) "If you can call the hundred or so chambers here a house." TRAVIS: Jeez. You know, I hate to leave you without a friend. I mean, if this guy's up and left you high and dry, maybe I could offer my services. MATT: Make a persuasion check. Roll fucking high. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: He goes, "Huh. I appreciate the offer, but I tend to work solo and let's be honest, I'm "hungry." There are a few flashes from the center of the above hallway as a few bodies fall through. Beau and Jester both come falling through, Bill and Ted style. Both of you guys make acrobatics checks for me. TRAVIS: I was trying to draw that shit out-- LAURA: Natural 20! MATT: You three-point land. MARISHA: You're good! 12! MATT: You three-point land. (bones cracking) (screams) TRAVIS: You have no idea how happy I am to see you. Dragon! MATT: Five point of bludgeoning damage to you. As you land, the dragon rears up, caught off guard, wings up in the air. I'm going to pull the map out. (cheering) SAM: Oh my god. D&D; Beyond. TALIESIN: Oh boy. MARISHA: This feels like a lot. TRAVIS: Damn it. Ooh! TALIESIN: Turn it around this way. Oh boy. MATT: For this, Jester landed there. Fjord-- sorry, Beau is prone there. TRAVIS: I started to take a step to the left while facing the dragon. MATT: And the dragon is right there. LAURA: Okay. The minute he rears up, I'm going to Invoke Duplicity again. MATT: Well, let's roll initiative first. TALIESIN: There's a lot happening here. MATT: Rolled really shitty initiative. TRAVIS: Did he? MATT: Yeah. He rolled a two. 25 to 20? LIAM: Only those present? MATT: Yeah, only those present. 20 to 15? TRAVIS: 16. MARISHA: 15. LAURA: Six. TALIESIN and DEBORAH: Oh boy. MATT: Six for Jester? LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Why do warlocks only have two fucking spell slots right now? MATT: Top of the round. Fjord, you're up. Looking down at the end of this chamber, it's dark. There's no light source, but you have darkvision. To perceive anything in there, you have to make an action, but it's up to you. So your choice right now is focus on the dragon or explore your surroundings. TRAVIS: I'm going to focus on the dragon because my friends are here and I'm going to cast Blink. MATT: Okay. Over there, we're going to throw the-- Is Blink concentration? TRAVIS: It is not. MATT: Correct. So you're not even concentrating. All right, cool. So you cast Blink on yourself. TRAVIS: And with my bonus action, I will set Hexblade's Curse on that blue dragon. SAM: (exaggerated Southern accent) Hexblade's Curse. MATT: As you cast on yourself and turn around, releasing your hand towards it, the shadows from the nearby area cling to it like chunks of a venomous symbiote for a second. As they grind into the corners of where its body is, the curse takes effect. TRAVIS: All right. MATT: That's the end of your turn, so I think you get to roll, right? TRAVIS: No. Blink was my action. MATT: Correct, but at the end of each of your turns-- TRAVIS: Oh, I do. I roll. Yep. That is 11. MATT: On 11 or higher, you vanish from the current plane. That's where you were. You disappear. That ends your go. Beau, you're up. You're on the ground. Looking around, there's a dragon there. Fjord turns this way and vanishes. There's two of these darkened hallways. What are you doing? MARISHA: I turn to Jester and I go: Fjord just fucking vanished again! And I go: I don't know how this works! I take out the red elemental gem that I've had for a very long time, and I... use it. I was going to say I smash it, but then I felt that might be deeply irresponsible because then it could just smash. LAURA: Maybe you can punch him with the gem. SAM: Punch the gem at him. MARISHA: Badminton. MATT: Red elemental gem. A fire elemental is summoned as if you cast the Conjure Elemental spell, and the gem's magic is lost. So as you throw it, it shatters. I don't have a fire elemental thing on me, so we'll use this for the time being. As you throw it, it breaks on the ground there. Suddenly, rising from the impact, the flames swirl and build up into a full-fledged fire elemental beneath. MARISHA: I go: Fuck him up! MATT: As for the Conjure Elemental spell, let's see if it gets its action right now. TRAVIS: Just hope it listens to what you say. MARISHA: God, well, I think it's one of those things where, if something bad happens, it turns on us. DEBORAH: I think it does. I think it's concentration. MARISHA: Yeah, if I lose concentration, but I don't know-- MATT: Yeah, it is concentration, so you're considered concentrating right now. It's friendly to you and your companions. Roll initiative for the elemental. MARISHA: Okay. What do I-- that's not good. MATT: Do you have stats for the elemental? MARISHA: Nope. I did when I was a druid. MATT: It's okay. I'll find it right now for you, and I'll text it to you. MARISHA: I can also use D&D; Beyond. MATT: Yeah, do that. Pull up the fire elemental there. Initiative, what's the number on there? MARISHA: Search. What's his initiative? LIAM: You rolled a six. MARISHA: Uh-huh. What's his dex? LIAM: Plus his dex, so nine total. MARISHA: Nine. Nein. MATT: You got it. That's your action. Your movement? You're still prone. MARISHA: So I stand. MATT: Okay. Half your movement. MARISHA: I'm going to back up towards this alcove a little bit, right behind me. Yep. I'm going to use my bonus action to take Patient Defense. MATT: You got it. Okay. That ends your turn. The fire elemental's turn now. It goes. It is next in the initiative order. MARISHA: Okay, I would like for it to get up to it and to do melee attacks. MATT: Go for it. LAURA: Is the dragon still on the ground, or is it-- MATT: It's still on the ground. The mini has it flying up, but it hasn't risen yet. MARISHA: Hang on, sorry. I'm going to do the multiattack, so two touch attacks. First one, that's okay. Wait, what am I? Sorry. LIAM: Plus that. Plus six for your touch attack, so 18. MATT: 18 just hits. TRAVIS: It lights up this place for you big time. MARISHA: 18 is the dragon's AC. MATT: Correct. Does it catch fire? MARISHA: And then one more attack. Oh, yes, and it does 2d6 plus three, which is five plus three. Eight, and it does catch on fire. Then it's going to do another attack, which, I think it fails. It definitely fails. MATT: Okay, that's the end of the fire elemental's turn. Is it going to stay there or going to move? MARISHA: No, it's going to stay there and be like: What's up, I'm a fire elemental. MATT: Jester, you're up. LAURA: Okay. I'm going to cast Spirit Guardians on myself. MATT: Okay. You are now concentrating on Spirit Guardians. It's a wisdom save for the dragon. Is it friendly? Oh, look at that. Thank you for pulling that out for me. Even better. SAM: Fire elemental. All the toys. MATT: You're amazing. That's a wisdom saving throw, right? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: It rolled a natural 17 plus one, so 18. LAURA: So it saves. MATT: It takes half damage, though. LAURA: Okay, so do I roll damage right now? MATT: You do. LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. No, I think it's at the top of its turn, isn't it, that you said? TALIESIN: I think manifest and then on the top of its turn. MATT: That's what I thought it was. LAURA: Okay. TALIESIN: It's both. Oh boy. MATT: Wait. An affected creature-- no, it's when it start its turn. You're right. We'll come back to it. LAURA: Okay. Then I'm going to back up. MATT: Okay. Which direction? LAURA: The opposite direction that Fjord went. Yeah, to about there. I can't do anything for a bonus action right now, can I? I can't dodge or something as a bonus action? MATT: No, it's an action, unfortunately. Only Beau gets to do that because she's a cool monk. LAURA: Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, then I'm going to chill out and say: Oh no. MATT: Okay. That ends your go. LAURA: Oh wait! Oh, I backed up. That's okay. MATT: Well, the dragon is going to take its turn. The dragon is going to turn this way as it moves around the fire elemental that struck it. First, it takes d6 damage, right, from being on fire? MARISHA: It takes d10 damage. MATT: d10 damage. Roll a d10. MARISHA: Eight! MATT: Eight points of damage. "Insolent creatures." (footsteps) Turns around on the fire elemental and releases this burst of electrical energy. This lightning bolt arcs from the front of its snout or channeled the horn through the fire elemental and towards Beau. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Spirit Guardians... MARISHA: I have Patient Defense. MATT: Correct, so you're too far away from it. So it doesn't take any damage. Patient Defense doesn't do anything. You have to make a dexterity saving throw, and the fire elemental does as well. MARISHA: Okay. Dexterity saving throw. Okay. 21. MATT: That's a success. Roll for the fire elemental. MARISHA: Can I use evasion, or does that matter right now? MATT: Evasion happens-- oh yeah, so you take no damage. MARISHA: I take no damage. Evasion, yeah. MATT: You take no damage. Roll a dexterity saving throw for the fire elemental. You duck out of the way. It strikes the wall, the stone exploding from the impact. MARISHA: Not good. MATT: The fire elemental takes 55 points of lightning damage. ALL: Ooh! TRAVIS: Fifty-fucking-five?! LAURA: Get the fuck out! That would kill us instantly if it hits us! At least, it would almost kill me instantly. LIAM: It would kill me. TRAVIS: (screaming) Oh, Matthew! SAM: Why would you do this to Deborah Ann Woll? TRAVIS: I'm sorry I touched the window! DEBORAH: Deborah Ann Woll has a plan! Get to where I fall in! I'm still in inter-dimensional space! MARISHA: You said 57 damage? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: 52 damage? MATT: 52 damage. No, I'm sorry, 55. SAM: Maybe we can give it the rotten drug fruit that we have. MATT: It's going to then fly back around to get a better area. This is actually going to take up in the air. LIAM: How high is the ceiling in here? MATT: The ceiling is 20 feet, so it gets to max at the very top. It's ten feet above anybody, so it's out of melee range unless somebody can get to the top. MARISHA: Wow. This is bad. TRAVIS: Boom! Ah! MARISHA: I have evasion. That's the only reason I'm okay. LIAM: Wait, that seems much higher than 20 feet. MATT: It's 20 feet. It's right there. LIAM: It's hovering above. Thanks. MATT: The mini looks like it's flying when it's not. Now it's flying. It's at the base level. LIAM: I'm with you now. MATT: The fire elemental does get an attack of opportunity as it moves out of its range. Shrugs it off. MARISHA: Okay. Yes, it hits. I rolled a 17. MATT: 17 just misses. MARISHA: No, a natural 17 plus six. MATT: It does hit. Roll damage. TRAVIS: 17 misses? MATT: The flames are burning around its body. It doesn't even pay attention. TRAVIS: Get me the fuck out of here. We're level seven. Why did we do this? SAM: You did it! MARISHA: Ten damage. MATT: Ten damage. Not bad. That's top of the round, so (approaching screams). Next up, I believe, was it Caduceus first? DEBORAH: Did you go first, and then I went after you? TALIESIN: I think we went-- we may have-- MATT: In the same round. DEBORAH: Same round, yeah. MATT: Yeah, so we'll say both of you guys drop. Both of you roll initiative. First of all, acrobatics check. LIAM: Two minutes later. SAM: We got some books. MATT: Yeah, you read some books. DEBORAH: 14 for me, acrobatics. MATT: Okay, 14. You're fine. TALIESIN: 19. MATT: 19. You both are fine, so you land. You actually fall past the dragon. (screams) TALIESIN: Oh boy! MATT: You land on the ground like, "What?!" (wings flapping) There's a fire elemental burning over here on the side. It's absolute chaos. Both of you guys now roll initiative. See where you end up on the initiative order. TALIESIN: 18. MATT: 18. Caduceus is up first. DEBORAH: 13 for me. MATT: And 13. So top of the round, Caduceus, you're up first. Fjord is nowhere to be seen. You can see this giant shadowy mark on the stone where electricity is dissipating and Beau looks like she just saw a ghost, maybe shit herself. MARISHA: Hey, speak for yourself! MATT: Just the look! I'm not saying you did, but you have the look. Jester is surrounded by sparkling unicorns and is just like, "Uh!" What are you doing? TALIESIN: Oh wow! Fuck it, I'm going to try it. I'm going to try to cast Bane on this thing. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Is that insane? I don't know if that's insane. MATT: Saving throw is? TALIESIN: It's a 16 Charisma. That may be insane. MATT: Charisma. Plus three. That's a ten. It fails. TRAVIS: Yeah! That was a good gamble! MATT: So that now has Bane on it. Boop! All the circles! TALIESIN: That means attacks and save rolls are now a d4 negative. MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: All right. LIAM: Nice! MATT: Bane on that. I'll make that a yellow one. There we go. LAURA: Is it a negative d4? MATT: Negative d4 to all its attacks and saving throws. So you cast that, and then you have your movement and bonus. TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to turn invisible. TRAVIS: We're all bouncing! MATT: Nope, nope, nope! TRAVIS: The monk's like, "Really?!" MARISHA: Where are all my friends? Bullshit! MATT: (singing) Where has Fjord the cowboy gone? TALIESIN: I'm going to run towards-- MATT: Towards Jester? TALIESIN: Actually, I'm closer to that hallway. Yeah, I see them over there. I'm going to run towards that hallway full speed. MATT: This one, or this one? TALIESIN: This one. MATT: Okay, so (counting) 30. TALIESIN: Yep. MATT: It is dark in this hallway. There's no light source, so just be aware. That ends your turn. Fjord, you're going to appear ten feet from where you were. TRAVIS: Ten feet closer to the end of the hallway. MATT: You appear there. TRAVIS: I will use all 30 feet of my movement to head toward the end to see what the fuck's down here. MATT: You rush up to the very end, and you come upon a small alcove and a small crystal, a faint turquoise green-blue coloration to it. Similar to the flash that consumed the room when the sphere was being puzzled. There looks to be a groove running across and down the base of it, and across the floor, and you glance over and there's a groove running all the way down the hallway across the floor. LIAM: Give it to Fjord, he'll touch anything! SAM: (laughter) He will! MATT: The crystal is dull. It is dark and it is just there. TRAVIS: Did I learn anything? I don't know what to do. I'll turn around and I'll fire two Eldritch Blasts at the dragon. MATT: All righty. Roll for an attack twice. TRAVIS: I hope that'll fucking hit. That is a 24? MATT: 24 hits. TRAVIS: Great. Second one is 23. MATT: Both hit! Roll damage. TRAVIS: Oh great, that's 16 points of Eldritch Blast. MATT: Nice! TRAVIS: And 12 points of Eldritch. MATT: As you peer and run down the side, turning around and firing these bolts out, they light up the hallway as they arc past, blasting into the side of the scaled armor as they both hit. The blasts hit and take damage, but it's a dragon. It looks over, "I see you, morsel." TRAVIS: No, you don't! You do! Four! MATT: It flickers in and out, and you're still standing there. TRAVIS: Shit! (screams) MATT: You added your curse damage on that, right? TRAVIS: What's that? MATT: You add your curse damage? TRAVIS: I did. Yeah, the plus three to each time. MATT: That ends your turn, Fjord. Beauregard, you're up. MARISHA: I saw Fjord dart that way, and I heard screams coming from that way-- TRAVIS: They were manly screams! MARISHA: Manly screams! I'm going to run this way past Jester and check out this hall. My speed is 45. MATT: (counting) MARISHA: What do I see? MATT: You get there. You see this small alcove with a green-blue crystal that's resting there, and a groove that's running along the ground and across the wall and continues all the way down the length of the hall. You turn around and can see that both of them meet in the center, and then go in towards the platform in the middle. MARISHA: In towards the platform or the casket? What's with the casket situation? I don't know. MATT: This was the raised pedestal you saw behind the dragon. You guys haven't even looked at that yet because you just saw a dragon and fucking ran. MARISHA: Into the platform. I'm going to touch it! I'm going to touch the crystal. MATT: Okay. You touch the crystal. It's cold. MARISHA: Did anything happen? MATT: No. MARISHA: I go: (shouting) Work!-- into it. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: (shouting) Energy! No? Okay. MATT: Nothing. MARISHA: I have a bonus action? I'm going to use my bonus action to cast another ki point to do Step of the Wind and dash back towards the pedestal. MATT: (counting) MARISHA: To the pedestal. That's-- yeah. MATT: All right. You're underneath the dragon now, feeling the wind blowing down from the wings, scattering dust and bone pieces around. You're having to squint your eyes from the bit of debris that's being kicked up from its wings. MARISHA: As I dart by Jester, I go: fucking crystals! And that's it. LAURA: I know, right? MATT: That finishes Beau's go. Twiggy, you're up. You see Beau vanish down and come back, "Fucking "crystals, right?" DEBORAH: Now I heard it yell at whatever-- down this line-- I can't see that it's him, though. MATT: At this distance-- You have darkvision 60 feet, right? DEBORAH: I do have darkvision. MATT: You can see him down there. DEBORAH: Okay, I see Fjord down there. Is it conceivable that he's fairly distracted with this, and he's not paying that much attention to me? MATT: It's conceivable. You're a tiny little thing. DEBORAH: I'm a tiny little thing. MATT: That hasn't done anything yet. DEBORAH: I'm so little. I'm going to attempt to hide from his sight. That hides me, so I use my bonus action to just get hidden a little bit. Is there anything I can-- MATT: Unfortunately, you are next to a very bright fire elemental that is lighting up the area. You might have to creatively use the space. There are outcroppings-- DEBORAH: Go to the outcropping. MATT: You'd have to move into another area to try and get-- DEBORAH: All right, I'm not adjacent to it because it's up, right? MATT: Correct. DEBORAH: Okay, I'll back into that alcove and attempt to hide in the alcove. MATT: Okay, you are small. DEBORAH: I am tiny. MATT: See if you can try it. It's going to have a higher DC. DEBORAH: 15? To hide? Okay. MATT: You may or may not be. DEBORAH: Maybe not. We'll see. I want to cast-- I conjure back into my imagination. I remember that portrait that was up above the desk in the other room, and I go: Fuck, this better work! I start to bring my hand down through the top of my body, and I make myself look like that portrait of who we think is Halas. Now, I'm only a foot taller than myself. So I'm a four and a half-foot tall Halas. But I have a lot of presence, okay? SAM: Mini Halas. DEBORAH: I stride forward. I go, in my raspiest, most male voice I say: Hey! You look bigger than the last time I saw you! (laughter) SAM: (as Halas) Have you put on weight? DEBORAH: You've grown! MATT: Make a deception check. DEBORAH: I'm really bad at charisma, you guys. LIAM: Roll high. TRAVIS: You got it! MARISHA: Oh, but it was so good! DEBORAH: But I'm just playing it. MATT: Yeah, you're playing it. You're owning it as you stroll forward, creepy extended fingers and billowing robe. The dragon is like: (winging flapping). DEBORAH: It's a nine. MATT: And just looks right back at Fjord. It's paying about as much attention to you as it did when you arrived. So you haven't angered it. DEBORAH: I haven't angered it. MATT: But it doesn't seem to be convinced, necessarily. Unfortunately. Dragons are pretty perceptive. Good call, though. That ends your turn? Fire elemental's go. MARISHA: He multi-attacks. MATT: But can it fly? MARISHA: No. It can't. MATT: It's out of range, unfortunately. MARISHA: He sheds bright light in a 30-foot radius. MATT: (burning) There you go. Does it stay put or move anywhere? LIAM: He could hold an attack. MARISHA: Can he move forward a little bit? Yeah, can he hold his attack in case he's in range? MATT: Sure. He can ready his attack in case the dragon comes in range. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: You got it. That ends its go. Jester, you're up. SAM and DEBORAH: Come on, Jester! SAM: Disguise Self as Halas. MATT: Just fill the chamber with Halases! LAURA: I'm going to go-- LIAM: Halas, Halas, Halas! LAURA: Okay, Traveler, please let this work. I'm going to cast Polymorph on the dragon. MATT: Okay, what's the saving throw on that? LAURA: Wisdom saving throw of 15. SAM: And he's got Bane or something. MATT: And a negative d4 to that. He rolled a 15 minus three. (cheering) MATT: What do you Polymorph the dragon into? LAURA: I'm going to Polymorph him into-- oh god. I'm going to Polymorph him into a crimson weasel. But at the same time, I'm going to go: (shouting) Catch him! Because somebody has to catch him. SAM: Oh god, yes. MATT: Okay, just so you're aware-- roll an intelligence check for me real fast. LAURA: Oh no. I'm really stupid, though. LIAM: You don't want to goldfish it. LAURA: A six? MATT: Okay, gotcha. It turns into this tiny crimson weasel. I don't have a mini for that, necessarily. LAURA: Beau, do you have a reaction? MATT: Here, we'll go there. That'll work. LIAM: Missile snare? LAURA: Yeah, would it be like missile snare? Right underneath it? MATT: It falls down ten feet. DEBORAH: Oh, it's going to take damage. LAURA: Oh, it's got too much? DEBORAH: Well, it's going to take damage, and then it might end. MATT: It takes one point of damage. It's still in its form, but the fire elemental is in range and is readying its attack, so fire elemental attacks it. MARISHA: I shouldn't have readied an attack! SAM: How would you know? DEBORAH: How would you know? It's so dramatic! MARISHA: First one, yep, it hits with a 20, which is nine points of damage. Sorry! MATT: As the elemental slams the tiny weasel, the weasel reverts to the dragon form. MARISHA: And he gets another attack. Oh no, wait, he can only hold one attack. MATT: Yeah, not the player. Well, no, I'll let you guys do all of your attacks, but I'll let the enemies do it, too. MARISHA: He hits with this one, as well. MATT: All right, roll damage. MARISHA: I'm sorry! MATT: It's okay. That's the thing you have to consider with Polymorph. You have to decide if it's going to take damage if you're going to put it in a tiny form. LAURA: Yeah, I didn't hear-- MATT: It's all good. MARISHA: 11. MATT: 11 points of damage. That was an awesome maneuver. TRAVIS: So good. MARISHA: I mean, I shouldn't have fucking held his attack. SAM, LAURA, and LIAM: How would you know? MATT: Yeah, it's all good. That finishes your go, Jester. It's now the dragon's turn. LAURA: Oh wait, I want to back up. MATT: You want to back up? This way? LAURA: No, I'll stay there. Am I within 15 feet of him if he's on the ground? MATT: Spiritual Guardians has faded because you cast Polymorph. So you're backing up this way? LAURA: Yeah. What a giant waste. SAM: It was not. MARISHA: You've got him in range. MATT: It is. It's in range now. Now it's his turn. It takes fire damage at the top. Roll a d10 for the fire damage. MARISHA: Six. MATT: Six points of fire damage. All right, I'm going to roll and see. Yeah, that's a six. It gets its lightning breath back. Infuriated by the fact that you just turned it into a tiny little weasel, it's going to turn this way and release another arc of lightning down. I need both Beauregard and Jester to make dexterity saving throws, please. MARISHA: I can use evasion again, right? MATT: Yeah, evasion's just an ability you have. MARISHA: If I succeed. Fuck yes! TALIESIN: Wow. That was a roll. LAURA: Oh, I rolled a natural 20! I wasn't even looking at it! MATT: All right, that's half. LAURA: And I cast Hellish Rebuke as soon as it hits me. If I'm alive. TALIESIN: That's a lot of rolling right now, Matthew. LIAM: It was 50-something last time. MATT: It's 51 points of lightning damage. You succeeded, so it's halved. You take 25, and you succeeded. MARISHA: I rolled a 25 total. MATT: So you take none. LAURA: I use Hellish Rebuke, and I go: That hurt! In Infernal. Oh god. MATT: So you cast Hellish Rebuke. LAURA: Yes. MATT: Nothing comes out. The ice gathers around you and then rockets behind you. No effect. LAURA: (gasps) I turn. MATT: You turn around and look at the crystal, and the crystal is now glowing. The light that emanates from the blue-green crystal travels down and arcs through the hallway, hits the center, and gives a faint line towards this object across the way. Twiggy and Beau, you guys can see, as it hits the center, this very faint trickle of energy is now hitting this far pillar where the darkened sphere is standing. MARISHA: Twiggy. LAURA: That was cold damage! MARISHA: It was cold? That was awesome. DEBORAH: Fire on the other one? I don't know. MATT: That finishes-- well, the dragon's going to try and fly up again. MARISHA: Fire and ice. LAURA: Oh, well, that's good. You get an attack, and the fire gets an attack. MATT: Both of you do. You and the fire elemental do. MARISHA: Yeah, we got it in range. I'm sorry I killed him. LAURA: No, I'm sorry I just made a weasel and not a fucking cow or something. MARISHA: So I get an attack, and Sentinel. MATT: I know. MARISHA: No! MATT: What'd you roll? MARISHA: A four. MATT: A four. Yeah, so it gets out of your reach. Miss. The fire elemental does get another attack as well. MARISHA: Natural 20. MATT: Roll critical damage for the fire elemental. The dragon, however, does still manage to get out of melee range and get itself up in the air. MARISHA: Five, ten, plus another 13 damage. MATT: 13 damage? Okay. MARISHA: Right? It's dice times two. MATT: Correct. With the rest of its ten feet up it's going (counting). The dragon is now currently hovering over-- MARISHA: It's going after Jester? MATT: Yeah, we'll say it's there. The dragon, seeing the glyphs light up, is now turning-- MARISHA: Is it its turn? MATT: Yeah, it just finished its turn blasting and uses its movement to move up. MARISHA: It takes fire damage, too. MATT: That's true. You get another ten fire damage. MARISHA: Another six. MATT: Got it. That finishes that round. Next round, top of it, we have-- no, because you guys came in last round. TRAVIS: Nott and Caleb. MATT: Nott and Caleb, you guys have a few more rounds. You dilly-dallied back there. SAM: We could stay here, Caleb. MATT: You guys are looking through books right now. MARISHA: Oh wait, no, it's the elemental's turn, right? The elemental goes after the dragon? MATT: The elemental went after Twiggy. It already went. It held its action, remember? MARISHA: That's right. MATT: Caduceus. You're up. TALIESIN: Okay, I saw a bit of this go down. MATT: Correct. You are no longer invisible. TALIESIN: Nope, I'm back. MATT: You saw none of this. You were over here in this chamber. All you saw was a blue thing go (buzzing). That's all you know. TALIESIN: Lightning-- MATT: You saw lightning go down there. You heard a scream. You saw a blue glow (buzzing) up the-- TRAVIS: I'm down here now going (screaming). TALIESIN: I was basically going to try this before, anyway. I'm going to start heading, so I can get a better view, towards the edge of there. Yeah, just so I can hold if I need to. Yeah, there's no Caleb. I'm going to yell: Duck! And I'm going to ready a shot of Sacred Flame. Actually, Sacred Flame's not a bolt; it's an appearance. I'm going to hit Sacred Flame on the crystal. MATT: Which one? TALIESIN: On the one behind us. The one at the end of the-- behind Fjord. MATT: Okay. You release Sacred Flame. The flame burns up around it, dissipates. No effect. TALIESIN: Hmm, weird. All right. That's my turn. MATT: Okay. Brings us to Fjord. TRAVIS: It burned up around it and didn't do anything? MATT: Mm-hmm. LIAM: What kind of damage? TRAVIS: God, what do I do? Cast Armor of Agathys on myself and smash my head into the crystal? MATT: I mean, if you want to try it. TRAVIS: It's cold damage. MARISHA: Yeah. Do the football body slam. LAURA: Even casting the spell in its vicinity. Try casting it. TRAVIS: I'm going to cast Armor of Agathys on myself at 4th level. (laughter) MATT: Okay. All the moisture in the air gets pulled in and clings itself to the outside of Fjord as this icy, encased chunk of arcane armor that gives off this mist around his torso. TRAVIS: (laughing) I smash my head into the crystal. LIAM: Wait, is there any armor on your head? MATT: Yeah, sure! It creates this banded partial helmet, and you crack into the crystal. The armor shatters off of you, and into the crystal. The crystal glows. You're a bit dazed by it, but the light tears down to the center of the chamber. The light actually brightens in the center, and there the central orb that's there that's been dark suddenly lights up with the same dull blue-green glow as the coloration on the floor and the coloration that you noticed very faintly coming from the inside of the orb when you initially were inspecting it. TRAVIS: Can I use my movement now to run up towards the tunnel where Caduceus is in the direction that the light moved? If I roll less than an 11 on Blink, does the spell end or is it every turn? MATT: Every turn you have to keep doing it. TRAVIS: Okay, great. MATT: You can end the spell prematurely if you want to. TRAVIS: Well, apparently I am fucking terrified. I shit my pants and I can't Blink. MATT: God! Why won't it happen? Okay, that ends Fjord's go. Beau, you're up. MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to run over here to the altar-casket situation and I'm going to quickly check it out. What do I do? MATT: Okay, so you walk up there, you look down. It's just a large pillar with intricate carvings and you see runes along the side that are darkened. There is a sphere about that big that looks similar in size to the one the got you here, but it's not as intricate. It's more of a metal ball that has hollow runes carved in it that the glowing blue-green light is emanating from. It's lighting it from underneath the faint glow and it's lightning the middle of this small alcove. MARISHA: Do I still have an action? MATT: Yeah, that was just your movement. MARISHA: Can I try and replicate on this sphere the movements I watched Twiggy do to get us here? MATT: Sure. You reach out and touch the sphere (whooshing), Beau's gone. MARISHA: No! Fucking-- SAM: Bye! MARISHA: Hope it's home. TRAVIS: "Hope it's home." MATT: That's your turn. Twiggy, you're up. DEBORAH: Oh boy! MATT: The fire elemental, right now, is no longer under Beau's control. The thread has been severed that was keeping it controlled as an elemental. MARISHA: There's that whole thing about them which I kind of knew going into this. Sorry. Bye! DEBORAH: Shit. SAM: Yasha's just like looking around the boat. MATT: Yep, for the next hour, the elemental is considered an enemy. SAM: Oh god. MATT: What are you doing, Twiggy? There's Jester currently now pinned in the back of this hallway by a dragon flying in the air. It's about ten feet above it. DEBORAH: Am I adjacent to the fire elemental? MATT: You are. DEBORAH: I am. Okay. MATT: You are now within its melee range because you are now considered an enemy. It was originally whirling there and then all the sudden as Beau disappears it (growling). DEBORAH: Okay, I'm going to take out a stick of gum, I'm going to open it, I'm going to chew it a little bit, and I'm going to take it out and then I am going to pluck one of my eyelashes and put it inside the gum, and I'm going to keep chewing it and then I'm going to blow a bubble and the bubble is going to get bigger and bigger until it's bigger than me. When it pops, it covers my whole body and I disappear. So I go invisible. MATT: That is my favorite descriptor of Invisibility I think I've ever heard in the history of my gaming experience. DEBORAH: It says "an eyelash encased in gum arabic." MATT: That makes me so happy. DEBORAH: All right, so I go invisible. That's my action. MATT: You do. DEBORAH: Do I need to use my bonus action to disengage or can I not? MATT: It still knows you're there. It will have disadvantage on an attack as you move from melee. DEBORAH: Right. MATT: Or you could just use bonus action to disengage. DEBORAH: Or I could use my-- okay. MATT: Or just assume that it might miss, up to you. DEBORAH: Assume it might miss. TRAVIS: Yeah, assume 55 points'll miss. DEBORAH: I'm going to disengage from it. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Fudge. DEBORAH: 25 feet. (counting) Shit. Sorry, guys. TALIESIN: No, no, no. TRAVIS: It's just a dragon and a fire elemental. Yeah, take your time. DEBORAH: What am I going to do? Okay, I'm going to-- I can use it-- oh, I already used my bonus action. Damn it, that's why I didn't want to do it. All right, I run to the pedestal, but I don't touch the thing. MATT: Okay. 25. You're right there. DEBORAH: Yeah, I'm right there. Okay. MATT: Okay, that ends your go. That brings us to the fire elemental's turn. The fire elemental does not know where you are. It's going to move to the closest target. It's actually going to, as part of its fire form-- TALIESIN: Is the dragon the closest to it? I mean-- DEBORAH: It would attack anything, right? MATT: The fire elemental is going to move through both of you. As it bursts through, you both burst into flames. So both of you are on fire. MARISHA: Oh, sorry. It's half-dead. MATT: It is. It is going to attempt to attack each of you once, since you're both within his attacking. Fjord, that is a 17 to hit? TRAVIS: That is my armor class. MATT: All right. You take 11 points of fire damage. TRAVIS: Okay. That's reduced by-- Oh. How much-- MATT: The armor's gone. It was consumed by the crystal. TRAVIS: That makes it simple. MATT: That is going to be a 19 to hit you, Caduceus? TALIESIN: 19? Goddamn it. Yeah, that hits. MATT: You take seven points-- sorry, ten points of fire damage. That's going to end its turn. Jester, your turn. LAURA: It's my turn? TALIESIN: Ten points? 11 points? MATT: Ten points. TALIESIN: Ten points, and I'm on fire. MATT: Yes. Which means at the top of your turns, you take 1d10 fire damage, unless you use an action to put it out. LAURA: Okay, well-- MARISHA: Sorry. LAURA: Taking a cue from Fjord, I'm going to cast Blink on myself. SAM: Hey! MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Yeah! LAURA: Then if I try to run underneath the dragon-- MATT: Make a concentration check for me. LAURA: -- he's going to get an attack of opportunity on me? MATT: It's above you, it won't get an attack of opportunity on you. LAURA: No? Okay, then I'm just going to dash underneath it. MATT: So you're not going to cast the spell? LAURA: No, by dash, I mean run. Sorry. MATT: (counting) 30. You get there. Roll a d20. TALIESIN: Is it a straight d20? MATT: It's your constitution saving throw. TALIESIN: Oh, 19. MATT: You're fine. LAURA: No. I rolled a three. MATT: You're still there. You get there and the magic just sputters for a second. Not going to save you, unfortunately. LAURA: Okay, then for my bonus action-- I get a bonus action? MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Yeah-- Oh I can't. Oh! I'm going to use-- Nope. I've already used a spell. Fucking balls! I'm going to do nothing. I'm going to tremble. MATT: Aww. All right, end of Jester's turn. The dragon's turn. TALIESIN: On fire. MATT: Yes, it takes d10 damage. I'm going to roll that. That's a nine. All right. TRAVIS: Is it looking rough? Real rough? MATT: No. LAURA: He's bloodied. He's definitely bloodied. TRAVIS: Pieces of his ribs showing through? MATT: He's getting close to-- You're starting to see some wear and tear. LAURA: Okay. A single scale is chipped away. LIAM: 68% guys. MATT: Does not get his dragon's breath back. TALIESIN: Thank god. MATT: So instead, it's going to swoop down towards Jester, trying to prevent you from escaping. TRAVIS: But look how cute she is. MATT: So it makes three attacks. One with its bite, two with its claws. First attack at Jester. Okay, that's a 14 to hit. LAURA: Misses! It misses. TALIESIN: Minus a d4. MATT: Right. TALIESIN: Just in general. MATT: Yeah. As it strikes with its claw, you pull your shield up, sparks fly off as its claw arcs across the outside of your shield. It strikes with its other claw. Ooh, that's a natural 19 plus-- that's 28, minus one, 27. SAM and LAURA: That hits. MATT: I'm pretty sure that's it. Yeah, so the claw strike manages. As the shield pulls away from the first hit, you're not able to get back quick enough and the second claw goes right across your torso for 15 points of slashing damage. LAURA: Cool. MATT: The bite is going to come after you. That is going to be a 19 to hit? Minus a d4. Minus four. It's going to be a 15 to hit. TALIESIN: Fuck yeah! Bane! MATT: As it goes to bite towards you, its jaws open, you pull back and you instinctively put the shield up to block it and its mouth comes down on the shield, holding on to it. Caduceus in the back focuses for a second and you watch the jaw weaken and pull back. Readying itself for another strike. That ends its turn. That brings us to the top of the round. Caduceus, you're up. You guys are looking at books still. I'm sorry. LIAM: It's cool. SAM: I think I can unlock this one! MARISHA: Meanwhile... TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm on fire. MATT: You do. You take-- TALIESIN: Can I do anything about that? MATT: You can spend an action to do so. You take six points of fire damage. TALIESIN: That's okay. Six points of fire damage is fine. I'm going to book it towards that fucking altar. That's 30. I can spend an action to go. MATT: To get there, yes. TALIESIN: But people are still fucking down, aren't they? MATT: Well, people are in a couple of rough places, and you're still missing Caleb and Nott. Up to you. You still have an action to use. TALIESIN: Fudge. I'm going to do something dumb. Don't leave a man behind. MATT: I like dumb. TALIESIN: I'm going to-- this is going to get weird. Halfway through my run, actually right before I start my run, I'm going to cast Meld into Stone. LAURA and LIAM: Meld into Stone. TRAVIS: You're going to what? LIAM: He's going to Blues Traveler it. MATT: All right. It's not concentration. TALIESIN: It's not concentration. Casting Meld into Stone so that when I end my turn, in theory, I will not be on fire any more because I'll be inside of the stone. MATT: I'll allow that. TALIESIN: Thank you. MATT: The flame goes out because there's no air for it to breathe. Do you step into it here? TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm actually just going to walk-- MATT: He Homer Simpsons into the stone wall. TALIESIN: I go and I'm going to take my 30 feet straight towards the wall. I can't see anything, but I can move. MATT: You can use your movement to leave the stone where you entered it, which ends the spell. You don't get to move through the stone. TALIESIN: I'm going to walk all the way. MATT: It's a lie-and-wait type of spell. Like merge into it and stay there for up to eight hours, and then once you leave it. But the fire's out and you have your movement. TALIESIN: I would know how the spell-- I'm going to get as much movement as I can and then hold for the turn. MATT: 25, 30. You're in the stone, currently in the wall. Got it. That ends your turn, Caduceus. Fjord, you're up. SAM: Twiggy's invisible. Beau's gone. Caduceus is stone. This is going great. MATT: This is going great, guys. TRAVIS: I take 1d10 fire damage, right? MATT: Yep, you do. You take three points of fire damage. TRAVIS: Okay. I will use my movement to-- where the fuck am I? To run towards the pedestal. Actually, I'm sorry. Let's come this way, to Jester. MATT: Okay, so (counting) 25. TRAVIS: (repeatedly) Uh-huh. MATT: What're you doing? TRAVIS: Let me take back half that movement and I'll go here. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: I'm going to-- I can't bail on Jester. I'm going to fire two Eldritch Blasts at the dragon, trying to get its attention. MATT: Roll two attacks. TRAVIS: 25 and a 22. MATT: Both hit. Roll damage. TRAVIS: Seven points of Eldritch Blast. Ten. So 17 total. MATT: Nice. It gets hit twice. I'll say, go ahead and make an intimidation check. Just as part of this attack, since this was your intent. TRAVIS: 21. MATT: You have the dragon's attention. He was slashing into Jester, and after that, twice in the side of the head, it (growling) back towards you. TRAVIS: Do I have to roll blink if I don't-- MATT: You can choose to end the spell. TRAVIS: But I think, doesn't it take an action or I can just choose? MATT: That's a good question. Let's go ahead and check. It should tell you on the spell. TRAVIS: It says, "you can dismiss this spell as an action." MATT: Ah. So no. LAURA: No, you have to roll for it. TRAVIS: Bye! (groaning) TRAVIS: The one fucking time I didn't want to. TALIESIN: We are making some interesting calls tonight. It's exciting. MATT: That ends Fjord's go. Beau, you're out. Twiggy, you're up. DEBORAH: Okay. I'm invisible, so I have advantage? MATT: For an attack you do, yes. DEBORAH: For an attack? Okay, so I realize it'll end my invisibility to do this, but I pop back out of my invisibility and I'm going to snipe one at him with advantage. MATT: Okay, go for it. Is this with your bow? DEBORAH: My shortbow. TALIESIN: You got a shortbow? DEBORAH: I got a shortbow. 18 plus seven. MATT: That definitely hits, and it is sneak attack because he doesn't see you. DEBORAH: So great. MATT: You appear in that space and you let loose an arrow that sinks itself right into the heart and scaled underhide of the blue dragon. DEBORAH: I say: You're mean! That's ten on my initial hit, and then my sneak, seven and ten. So 17 additionally to the ten. So 27 points of damage. MATT: 27 points of damage. It's looking hurt. You can see blood emitting from some of its wounds. DEBORAH: As a bonus action, I'm going to attempt to hide behind the pedestal. MATT: Okay, so you move behind the pedestal? DEBORAH: Yeah. 15. MATT: You believe that you are hidden. DEBORAH: I believe I'm hidden, you guys. MATT: Fire elemental's turn. It goes this way. I'm going to go ahead and-- Jester. Roll a d6. On a one, two, three, it attacks you. On a four, five, six, it attacks the dragon. LAURA: Four! MARISHA: Eyy! Fuck up that dragon! MATT: It comes over to this side. It moves into this tiny space, because it can. It's going to run past. It is going to ignite you both as it runs through. So you are on fire. The dragon's still on fire. But it doesn't lay into you with two attacks. It attacks the dragon twice. That is a natural 20 and a five. Miss. 12, plus three. 15 points of damage on that crit. Nice! Not bad. All right, that ends the fire elemental's turn. Jester, your turn. First, at the top of your turn you take six points of fire damage. LAURA: Okay. MATT: You're burning. What are you doing? LAURA: I guess I'm going to-- this is so lame. It's so stupid because Cure Wounds isn't going to do enough to fix me to where if he hits me, I'm still going to go down! SAM: Do a higher level? LAURA: That is at the highest level! SAM: It's all you could do. LAURA: I know. MATT: What are you doing, Jester? LAURA: Fuck it. I'm going to cast Inflict Wounds at 3rd-level. SAM: Going down fighting. MARISHA: Kill him! MATT: Roll your attack. MARISHA: Oh my god, why is he doing that? LAURA: It's just a touch-- oh, on a hit. Okay. Natural fucking one. It's okay. MATT: You spin around. The flames are burning around you. You spin to look at the dragon and the fear wells up inside you, facing it down. Even with the flames burning around it, you can see its face coming through towards you, angry. Now that Fjord's vanished and is no longer in its sight, it's turned its attention back to you. You think you reach out for it and expend the spell, and you're just a few inches short. LAURA: I'm all alone. I'm going to try and blink, then. MATT: Okay. So you're ending your turn there, you're not going to move? LAURA: Well, if I move it's going to attack me. MATT: That's true. LAURA: So I'm hoping... TRAVIS: Come on. MARISHA: Blink! LAURA: 19! (cheering) TRAVIS: When you come back, remember it's ten feet from where-- LAURA: Ten feet from where I was. SAM: Are you invisible with Blink? LAURA: You're in another plane. SAM: Oh, thank Jesus. LIAM: Twiggy is the only visible person. DEBORAH: I'm hiding, kind of? Really well. MATT: The dragon's turn. Top of its turn, it does get its breath back. It rolled a six. It comes through the hallway angrily. TALIESIN: Does it get an attack of opportunity? MATT: It does. So I'll roll the attack for the elemental. Another natural 20! Holy shit. This is the luckiest damn elemental in the world. That's 12 plus three, another 15 points of damage. SAM: Whoa. MATT: The dragon also takes, because it's still on fire, an additional six points of damage. It's looking hurt. TRAVIS: "It's looking hurt." MATT: I'm going to see if it rolls high enough perception to see you. Natural 18. It comes in the chamber. (sniffing) (crackling blast) This beam of vibrant blue, electrical energy arcs towards you. Make a dexterity saving throw. DEBORAH: Evasion, but we'll do it. TALIESIN: You also still have this, I think. DEBORAH: Pretty good. LAURA: Oh, that's right! You have the mote! TALIESIN: Just in case. DEBORAH: What is that? TALIESIN: That's another roll, if you need it. DEBORAH: Oh, I have another? I may not need it. Just a dexterity saving throw, right? MATT: Correct. DEBORAH: Yeah, I mean that's a 23. Sorry, yes, 23. MATT: It just barely skims, singeing the edges of the branches that are sticking out of your hair. The rat's nest themselves curling back from the momentary heat as the flash of energy, but you avoid it entirely. Slams into the wall behind you. Stone breaks and splinters and the energy dissipates throughout the area. No damage. Rogues and evasion, man. LIAM: Five little lit candles. DEBORAH: Yep. Marshmallows toasting. MATT: It looks furious. (roaring) The breath itself-- it smells like burnt ozone. DEBORAH: I actually still look like Halas because it's not concentration. MATT: That's true, yeah. DEBORAH: It thinks I'm a four-foot tall Halas. LIAM: It went through the head. MATT: It's really confused by it. That ends its turn. Top of the round. DEBORAH: Where are you? TALIESIN: We're hoping. MATT: Ah! SAM: Hey! We're going to land right on him! MARISHA: Kill him! MATT: Go ahead and make acrobatics checks, you guys. MARISHA: Kill him. With your bodies. LIAM: Terrible. SAM: 12. LIAM: Five. SAM: Acrobatics check or save? MATT: Acrobatics check. SAM: Oh, it's a 12. No, I was right. MATT: You both fall prone right on the sides of it as you slam into the dragon-- onto the side-- (groaning)-- on the ground. SAM: Did we cause some damage to the dragon? MATT: Not for dragon scales, unfortunately, but you do both take five points of bludgeoning damage from the impact. SAM: Great. MATT: You're like-- (groaning). Both roll initiative to see where you fall on the initiative order. SAM: Mmm, eight. LIAM: Seven. MATT: Eight? Okay. SAM: Caleb! What's going on? LAURA: You don't see anybody in there. TRAVIS: Oh yeah, there's nobody in there! MATT: You're in a chamber. You land there and you see this angry, burning dragon and this tiny little version of the mage that you walked through the den of and that's it. You see the glowing sphere here on the pedestal, these lines of energy that meet in the center. The fire elemental in the back way, burning. You're Troy in Community walking in with the pizzas. LIAM: Minor question. Do I smell burnt ozone, since you said that just a second ago? MATT: You do smell the electrical remainder in the air. LIAM: Good enough. MARISHA: Who saw me bamf out by touching the thing? Jes for sure did. DEBORAH: I saw it. MARISHA: And Fjord? Okay. MATT: Caduceus, you're up. TALIESIN: Oh boy, I'm going to-- oh fuck, she's not there, is she? DEBORAH: Do they need to roll into initiative? MATT: They already rolled initiative. DEBORAH: Oh, they already did. Okay, I didn't catch it. You rolled badly? Oh no. TALIESIN: I'm going to come out of the wall. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I see them. Hmm? Yeah, no, and I'm going to do the: We're running! It's bad! I'm going to-- TRAVIS: It's bad! (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh my god, that's amazing! (flapping) We're running, it's bad! (laughter) MATT: What are you doing Caduceus? You shout that as you're stepping out of the wall. "We're "running, it's bad." SAM: Oh my god. TRAVIS: Oh, fuck. TALIESIN: I am going to-- MATT: You're on deck, Fjord. TRAVIS: Walks out of the wall. MARISHA: They didn't run. TALIESIN: I'm going to use my action since there's no one to heal-- ah! DEBORAH and MARISHA: Ah! TALIESIN: Which is really frustrating, and there's not a lot I can do. I am going to-- fuck, man, this is such a bad call. MATT: What are you doing? TALIESIN: I am going to cast-- so sorry, I'm doing this weirdly-- MATT: It's all good. TALIESIN: I'm going to cast-- where is it? Goddamn it, where did it go? I'm going to cast Blindness on the dragon. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: All right. What's the saving throw on it? TALIESIN: It's a 16 constitution with a negative d4. MATT: Okay. Is Blindness concentration? TALIESIN: Oh wait, I can't do that actually, never mind. It's not, but I can't do it because I don't have any 3rd-level spells left. Oh, it's a 2nd-level! I'm a crazy person, yes. It's not a concentration spell. MATT: It would be a three plus four-- it's a plus four con save, so it's a 17 minus four from the Bane, so it's 13. Yeah, it's blind. TRAVIS: Oh, you fucking crazy goth genius! TALIESIN: You are blind for a minute. I'm going to take the rest of my movement and hop into the fucking orb. TRAVIS: Yes you do! MATT: You move up. The Bane fades. TALIESIN: The Bane does fade. MATT and TALIESIN: The Blindness stays. MATT: All right, that ends Caduceus' turn. Fjord, you're up. TRAVIS: I pop back into existence ten feet. I want to stay out of his melee. MATT: So there. All righty. SAM: Did Caleb and Nott see that? Do we make a check of any kind? MARISHA: You had to have seen Caduceus. TALIESIN: I made sure you saw it. I was yelling at you and making a fuss. MARISHA: He said, "We're running; it's bad," and then jumped into a sphere. That's some children's cartoon-level obvious. TRAVIS: Yeah, and I'll use my extra language to go: Yeah, it's bad. Grab the sphere! I'll use my full movement to run towards the sphere. If it will put me in his melee-- will it? MATT: He has reach with his bite. He has that entire hallway covered. TRAVIS: I will use my bonus action Misty Step with the sword to (poof) over to the globe. MARISHA: Yas, queen! MATT: That will put you at 30, right there. TRAVIS: I will reach out and touch someone. MATT: Fjord is out. At the top of your turn, because you're still on fire, you do take four points of fire damage. TRAVIS: Okay. TALIESIN: Are you okay? LAURA: Mm-mm. SAM: No, she's not okay. She's been abandoned by everyone who can help her. MATT: That's the end of Fjord's turn. It's your turn. DEBORAH: I stand up again. I still look like little Halas, but as Twiggy, I reach in my pouch again and pull out the tongue of a snake. As I do that, I have in my palm a little bit of oil, and I run it back and forth on it. Then I throw it out this way, and as I do that, I say: Wait until we've left. I try Suggestion. LIAM: Oh yes. DEBORAH: Wisdom saving throw. I'm sure it's very wise. MATT: Wisdom saving throw. No, that's cocked. It's a 19, unfortunately. Good try. DEBORAH: The little snake tongue falls on the ground. MATT: (small impact) The dragon hears you speaking and looks in your direction. But where the pale blue, piercing eyes were is just a cloud of black. It is trying to sniff for where you might be. DEBORAH: For all intents and purposes, I'm already hidden; I don't need to hide again, if it's already blind? MATT: In theory, yes. DEBORAH: In theory, yes, unless it's able to sense me. MATT: Yes, it does not have tremorsense. DEBORAH: Okay! I still yell: Hey, guys-- MATT: It does have blindsight to 30 feet, I just noticed. DEBORAH: Oh! Then I do hide. I attempt to hide. That's really good. That is a 25. But before I hide, I do yell: Touch the globe! Touch the sphere! SAM: Thank you, Halas. MATT: You stay hidden? DEBORAH: I stay hidden over there. MATT: Okay, you got it. You move into the back area. DEBORAH: Yeah, exactly. MATT: Got it. Okay, that ends Twiggy's turn. Fire elemental! MARISHA: I'm a dummy! MATT: It's going to-- Nott, roll a d6. On a one to three, it attacks you. On a four to six, it attacks the dragon. SAM: One. MATT: Yeah. With advantage because you're on the ground. That is a 17. SAM: Hits. MATT: And a 16. SAM: That's my armor class. MATT: Yeah, they both hit. You take eight points of fire damage, and you're on fire. SAM: I'll use Uncanny Dodge for, I guess, that one. MATT: Okay, so you take four points of fire damage. The second attack does nine points of fire damage to you. That ends the fire elemental's turn. Nott, you're up. SAM: Lying on the ground, I will fire up at the dragon with my crossbow, trying to quickly load one of my explosive charges. He's within five feet of a friend, yes? MATT: He's within five feet of all of you. SAM: So it's a sneak attack? MATT: It's a sneak attack. Just letting you know, it's an explosive arrow, and you're adjacent to the creature. SAM: Sure. Yeah, I'm going for its head. MATT: Go for it! SAM: Oh boy, that's not great. 18. MATT: 18 just hits. SAM: Okay. MATT: You're prone, so you have disadvantage on attack rolls, by the way. So you do have to roll again. SAM: Shit. Well, can I stand up first? MATT: We'll say you stand up. That's half your movement there. SAM: 18, plus whatever the explosion does. MATT: The arrow detonates from inside, creating a fiery explosion in a ten-foot radius around the creature that affects you, Caleb, and the fire elemental. The fire elemental is immune to fire; it takes no damage. The dragon, however-- will you roll 3d6? SAM: 3d6? MATT: It has to make a dexterity saving throw. Actually, it does not because it was hit by it. SAM: 11. MATT: It takes an additional 11 points of fire damage. Then I need both Caleb and you to roll dexterity saving throws. LIAM: Four. MATT: So you take 11 points of fire damage. SAM: 23. MATT: You take none because of your evasion. You roll out of the way (dull explosion). Caleb's like, "Ah!" SAM: Okay. He's still alive. MATT: Still alive. SAM: I use half my movement to get up. MATT: Correct. You still have a bonus action and half your movement. SAM: I use my bonus action to fire again. MATT: Okay, go for it. SAM: Natural fucking one! LAURA: No! MATT: So... SAM: Oh. What does that do? MATT: You have to make an attack roll against yourself, don't you? For your weapon? SAM: I don't know how this works. If you roll a one-- I've never done this before-- on a d20 attack you must succeed in a dexterity saving throw-- which I don't, or suffer 1d6 piercing damage to myself. It's two. MATT: As you go to fire a second round, you pull back and shoot and the mechanism misfires slightly and all of a sudden it scrapes you on the side of the cheek and you're like, "Ah!" SAM: Damn it. Okay. MATT: Okay. You still have your movement if you wanted to move. SAM: No, because it'll hit me. I mean, I guess it'll hit me anyway, right? MATT: I mean, you can still move within its melee if you wanted to try and re-maneuver. SAM: Okay, I'll walk around away from the fire guy. MATT: Okay. There you go. The fire guy does get an attack against you. SAM: Okay. MATT: That is a 12. I don't think that hits you. SAM: No. MATT: You just manage to avoid it. Okay. Caleb, you're up. LIAM: Fuck. I don't see Jester; she's not here. SAM: Well, she left already. LIAM: I don't see Twiggy. I heard her voice. MATT: Yep. LIAM: Nott is up. MATT: Yeah. LIAM: There is a dragon. MATT: Mm-hmm. A dragon that looks hurt, but not death's door. DEBORAH: And a fire elemental. MATT: And a fire elemental that is burning angrily. TRAVIS: It's the worst playroom ever. SAM: I'm half. LIAM: I'm going to cast Expeditious Retreat and since that is transmutation-- and I smell the ozone as soon as I hit the ground-- I am going to make my Transmuter's Stone make me resistant to lightning. MATT: Good call. Okay. LIAM: I am going to beeline for the sphere. MATT: All right. SAM: Caleb, wait for--! Oh, okay. Bye. LIAM: Fuck. MATT: All right. That brings us to Jester's turn. MARISHA: Get out, Jes. MATT: Jester. LAURA: Oh, I can be ten feet away. I can be ten feet. MATT: Ten feet. That's right. TRAVIS: And you can choose. LAURA: I mean-- within ten feet, can I get away from the fire elemental at least? MATT: Unfortunately, no. He's placed in a way where-- I mean, you can. You can go-- oh god! LAURA: Oh, I killed him, yay! Everything's fine. SAM: You can go farther down the hall or something? MATT: You can go there. That way, the fire elemental is not within range, and technically the dragon-- you're just out of the dragon's range, although you're going to pass it running. LAURA: But I wouldn't-- yeah. MATT: You also take one point of fire damage at the top of the round because you're still on fire. LAURA: Okay. I mean, this is so stupid. I'm going to cast Cure Wounds on myself because I'm going to die if I don't, at, I guess-- a couple of 3rd-levels left, so I'm going to cast Cure Wounds. Oh good! Two ones and a two. That's great. So four plus four is eight points healed. SAM: Very valuable. LAURA: Sure. MARISHA: You've got to run. Just run. DEBORAH: Dash and take it? Oh, you need a distraction. MARISHA: Run and pray? LAURA: I mean, yeah. I'm going to run around as much as I can. MATT: Okay. I mean, there's no way to-- LAURA: Around the edge of-- without getting hit, without me leaving his melee. MATT: Yeah, so (counting) 30, you can get to. LAURA: Then Blink. MATT: Roll for your d20. TALIESIN: Oh god, come on. LAURA: No. I stay. MATT: Jester remains. It's now the dragon's turn. TALIESIN: God fucking damn it. MATT: It does not regain his lightning breath. That's good. He's going to go ahead and take three attacks. LIAM and SAM: Is he blind? MATT: He has blindsight within 30 feet. LIAM: Oh. Okay. Yeah, we self-corrected already. MATT: Yeah. That's going to be...all right. Yeah, it's going to be a claw attack on each of you. A claw attack against Nott. That's going to be an eight plus nine, 17? SAM: Sure, hits. MATT: You take ten points of slashing damage. SAM: Okay. I've gone since my last one, so I'll dodge. MATT: Got that, okay. Against Jester, that is a natural four plus nine; that is a 13 to hit. TALIESIN: Oh my god! MATT: You deflect it, and it doesn't care much for Nott necessarily. You've been a threat; it's going to go after you, Jester. I'm sorry. LAURA: No, it's fine. MATT: Natural two. Not even joking. I was looking at it-- we're not out of the woods yet. As it strikes both towards you, there's that moment of quiet where your eyes close and you're waiting for the imminent moment and you hear this voice creep in your head and go, "Don't worry, I'm watching." Your arm-- without even noticing-- you feel a hand push your wrist and the shield goes up and deflects the impact. The teeth streak across it and cling to it and begin to try to pull the shield away and you instinctually muscle it away. As you do, you watch two teeth shatter and fall to the ground in front, that moment of strength billowing up inside a pretty strong cleric. That's the end of the dragon's turn. Caduceus is done, Fjord is done, and Twiggy. SAM: Twiggy, fucking kill this dragon or get us out of here! Do something! LIAM: Mercy kill Jester! TRAVIS: Mercy kill. MATT: This is the turn, this is the moment. TRAVIS: We are best friends. SAM: Is the dragon looking at all rough or not really? MATT: It's looking pretty hurt. That's as much as I can tell you. DEBORAH: I'm hidden well, so I have advantage? MATT: Yes. DEBORAH: Okay. Arrow, snipe it with an arrow. I come out and I say: You leave my friends alone! and I shoot my arrow. SAM: Why does Halas like us? DEBORAH: 17 plus seven. MATT: That hits, roll damage. With sneak attack. LAURA: He's so much cuter than I thought he was. SAM: And it's way shorter. DEBORAH: Seven on the hit and then with sneak, another seven's 14, another six is 20 on that. 20 points of damage. MATT: Into its throat. You watch it reach up and with its claw scrape the arrow out of the throat and as it does you see a little bit of electricity arc out from the wound. It's looking pretty hurt. DEBORAH: Okay. I'm saying: Save yourselves! and I attempt to hide again. 19 plus seven. MATT: You stealth into your old campaign. That ends your turn, Twiggy. The fire elemental's turn. First, the fire elemental is going to roll against the dragon, which is the closest enemy currently. Natural two, that's a miss. Natural eight. Yeah, it misses both strikes. It's going to shift around to this way. That ends his turn. Nott, you're up. At the beginning of your turn, you take six points of fire damage. TRAVIS: My heart rate is literally like I've been running two miles. LAURA: His blindsight; he can see anything within 30 feet? MATT: Within 30 feet, he can see through blindness. SAM: It's Nott's turn, not Jester's turn. MATT: Correct, it's Nott's turn. LAURA: Just go. SAM: I will run towards the exit. MATT: Okay. Are you disengaging? SAM: No. MATT: Okay. LAURA: What? DEBORAH: You can as an action. LAURA: Disengage! TALIESIN and SAM: No. DEBORAH: Or as a bonus action. MATT: Going to run to the front; it makes an attack of opportunity against you. That's going to hit. That's a 15 plus nine, yeah, it's 24. It's going to be a bite attack against you, which does more damage. That's going to be 18 points of piercing damage. SAM: Mm-hmm. I'm okay. MATT: The jaws bite into you and you feel it rake across your shoulder, but you manage to pull out, roll on the ground to back up and you manage to get your arm up and pull yourself onto the platform where the orb is still glowing that dull green color. SAM: I'll turn around and fire my crossbow at the thing. MATT: Go for it. SAM: It's not great. It's only a 16. MATT: The bolt ricochets off of the hard scales of the dragon's hide. SAM: If I use my bonus action to fire again, I can't touch the thing, right? LAURA: Just go. MATT: What are you doing, man? TRAVIS: Get the fuck out. You've done enough. You did enough! Don't do it! MARISHA: She can go now if he uses his reaction. LAURA: Go! SAM: I'll go. MARISHA: Jester's next, right? MATT: All right, Jester's turn. At the beginning of your turn, you take fire damage. Six points of fire damage. TALIESIN: Oh my god. DEBORAH: It's only a ten. It's okay. LAURA: Okay. He used his reaction, right? MATT: He did. Jester's out. (groans of relief) TRAVIS: Oh my god. TALIESIN: Fuck! MATT: Dragon's turn. TRAVIS and MARISHA: Is that a one?! SAM: Yeah, I got one hit point. MATT: (laughing) Holy shit! LAURA: One hit point. TRAVIS: You had one after the 18? SAM: Yeah. MATT: The dragon's going to wail on the elemental; it can't see anything else around it. Let's see if it gets the-- Does not get its-- TRAVIS: Please tell me the dragon can't touch the sphere. MATT: That's a hit, and a hit, and a miss on the jaws. That's seven damage for the elemental, if you want to keep track of this. MARISHA: Mm-hmm, and 40 hp. MATT: Ooh, double sixes. That's 17 points of slashing damage to it. SAM: Get out of there! TRAVIS: The intro's been up one week. The animation takes a long time! MATT: The dragon takes another six points from the fire. The dragon's hurt real bad. TRAVIS: Who's hurting real bad? MATT: The dragon's hurt real bad. That's going to end its turn, everyone else goes by-- Twiggy, you're up. DEBORAH: Am I, or is it the elemental who goes first? MATT: You go before the elemental. DEBORAH: I go first? All right. I'm going to come out of hiding. I'm going to fire an arrow with advantage. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Last man standing, Twiggy! DEBORAH: Natural 20! (screaming, cheering) MATT: Roll damage. We'll see if it's enough. DEBORAH: Nine plus four, for the hit. MATT: Okay, nine plus four, so 13. DEBORAH: 13-- ALL: Double the dice! DEBORAH: I doubled the dice for the hit, that was 2d6 before-- so that's for the hit-- but I get 8d6 on my sneak? LIAM: Double that sneak attack damage! MATT: You can either just roll the sneak attack and then double the number, or roll twice as many dice, it's up to you. DEBORAH: That's nine. That's another ten is 19-- LAURA: Double that! DEBORAH: Double that to 38. MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) LAURA: Oh my god! Why aren't we there? We can't see them! DEBORAH: No one's going to see my moment of triumph! LIAM: No one's going to believe her! TRAVIS: No, nobody-- MATT: Quiet, shh. DEBORAH: I step out and I put on my meanest face that I learned from Sir Cadigan, and-- MATT: Still in the form? DEBORAH: Still as Halas, hundred percent as Halas-- and I say: This is for my only friends! Come straight forward, and I want to hit him in the heart because he broke my heart. MATT: (heavy breathing and steps) It stumbles forward towards you now that you're visible, its eyes blinking in and out, looking confused, still, with the shape, and goes-- DEBORAH: Now I drop it. MATT: (low chuckling, impact) And falls to the ground and collapses, exhaling, bits of energy arc out of its snout and dissipate into the stone around there. The dragon is dead. DEBORAH: Cool. There's still a fire elemental, right? MATT: Yup. (roaring flame) LIAM: Fist fight. DEBORAH: Bonus action: is there a piece of tooth in reach? I'd like to take a tooth with me, a dragon tooth. MATT: You can, but it's either that or touch the sphere. DEBORAH: Okay, I'll touch the sphere. (laughter) SAM: I mean, I'm not crazy! DEBORAH: You said two fell on the ground, I thought-- MATT: They did. They're scattered over in this corner. It'd be a move, grab it, and then go. DEBORAH: Okay, I'm gone. We're good. MATT: Okay. (exhales) TRAVIS: What are the rules of drinking hard liquor on Twitch? TALIESIN: I am ready with stabilization magic for everybody. Everybody's going to be fine! MARISHA: How many hit points did you have? LAURA: By the end I had 13, but if he had hit me one more time-- MARISHA: You would have been gone. LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Nott, you took that with 19 hit points? LIAM: To burn the reaction, yeah. MARISHA: To get the reaction, yeah. TALIESIN: She could have grabbed him, worst case scenario. MARISHA: That was Nott, the Bravest. LAURA: That was Nott, the Brave. MATT: As you all, one by one, emerge, beaten, on fire-- SAM: Jesus. MATT: Help put it out, for those who are still burning in flames, you find yourselves back in the hull of the ship. You see the crew, half of the crew is sitting there, looking intense, the sphere resting on the center of one of the tables off to the side, and as soon as the first of you emerge, they're like, (starts) "Where have you been?! What's going on?" Orly pushes forward and goes, "Where all you been hanging?" (whooshing) A few more appear. (impacts) Eventually, everyone makes their way out of the sphere. DEBORAH: You guys, I did it! I killed the dragon all by myself! MARISHA and SAM: What? SAM: No, the dragon was alive, we just left. DEBORAH: Aww, man. (laughter) SAM: Did you really? DEBORAH: I really did. MARISHA: Aww, Jessie... TRAVIS: Yeah, roll that shit, Caduceus. TALIESIN: Goddamn. Way to go, that's-- Did you get anything from him? DEBORAH: I really tried to take a tooth, but I figured it'd be better to live. TALIESIN: Yeah, aw man. MATT: You hear a clattering sound, and you glance down and you see, stuck in the side of your boot, what looks like one of the errant dragon tooths. (cheering) DEBORAH: I take it and I put it in my bag, and I go: This'll be good for later. SAM: I'm going to go over to Jester and take the flower out of her head and be like: I think it worked. I'm going to take it back now. LAURA: I turn and give Nott the biggest hug, just bury my head in her. MATT: Marius is like, "We've been waiting here for seven days." SAM: Oh, shit. MARISHA: What?! Are you serious? MATT: "Yeah!" TRAVIS: Where are we? MATT: "We're at Bisaft. Our repairs finished like a day ago and we haven't paid yet because you've "been fucking gone! The Dockmaster's not happy!" DEBORAH: Is the Ball of Fun there? MATT: Yeah, it's sitting on a table. They've all been rallied around it, trying to figure out-- You guys vanished, and this was all that was left. TALIESIN: I wouldn't touch that. That's a lot. MATT: "We figured that was the case!" TALIESIN: Yeah. LAURA: It's probably safe to touch now, I mean, the dragon's dead. TRAVIS: Marius, do me a favor. Just tell us how much repairs cost and let's all settle in for the night. We're going to-- Still on fire. MARISHA: Sorry. TRAVIS: We're going to need it. MATT: "All right, it's about 130 gold for the masts, getting the various bits of the sails "repaired and fixed and everything." TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: "All right, I'll get them paid." Mark down that amount. TRAVIS: 130 gone. LIAM: Twiggy, do you have that jar of beads? DEBORAH: I did take it. Right? I use my hand. I do have that jar of beads. LIAM: Are you attached to it? DEBORAH: Oh, no, you can have it. LIAM: Thank you. DEBORAH: I pass the beads over to him. LIAM: I walk off. DEBORAH: How you feeling? LIAM: I walk off. TALIESIN: If you stick around, I'm going to be helping every-- I'm doing a thing. LIAM: Already gone. TALIESIN: Okay. 23 points to everybody who's hanging around for a few minutes. TRAVIS: How many? MATT and TALIESIN: 23 points. TALIESIN: It's been a long day. DEBORAH: Yes, it has. TRAVIS: Well, let's just call that lesson learned, yeah? Maybe we should all reconnoiter in the morning. TALIESIN: Sometimes mysterious spheres just happen to you, if I'm learning anything. TRAVIS: The good news is is that if Twiggy actually killed the dragon-- which you obviously did-- DEBORAH: Thanks. TRAVIS: We can go back. SAM: I don't want-- TALIESIN: I mean, maybe, sure. LAURA: There were lots of jewels on the ground. TRAVIS: Yeah, it sounded bad when it came out. DEBORAH: Well, I just want to say that this was the most fun adventure I've ever had in my lives and you guys are the bestest friends that I've ever had, and I think you should keep the Ball of Fun, but I'd be very careful because Sir Cadigan's after it. I better keep moving, so I might get off here, you guys. LAURA: You don't want to stay with us? DEBORAH: You guys have been the greatest friends ever, but I've spent my whole life in a box. I'm going to go exploring. SAM: Oh. LAURA: I understand that. DEBORAH: Thanks. SAM: It was nice to meet you and nearly die next to you. DEBORAH: Thanks for saving my life. (as Trixie) Yeah, thanks for that! TRAVIS: As an honorary member of The Mighty Nein, just do us a favor and make sure you tell your story far and wide, yeah? DEBORAH: I shall. I shall speak of your bravery to all that I meet. TALIESIN: Lets pack some food and some tea and stuff before you go, you're going to need some-- DEBORAH: Oh, I've got chocolate! TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm going to go get some food. MARISHA: Thanks, Twiggy. I'm sorry I found your cuteness alarming. DEBORAH: I have that effect on people. I put my hood up and two little Twiggys stand there and go Bye, bye! TALIESIN: Oh, that's weird. LAURA: I would do that too, but I think I'm out of the ability. DEBORAH: I'm all out. LIAM: You stowing away, is that what's happening? DEBORAH: Yes, I go up to the gangplank, or whatever's attached to the dock, and I wave and say: Be good, be brave! Thanks for the adventure! LIAM: Halas. SAM: Bye! TRAVIS: Make good life choices! DEBORAH: I'll back up down the plank. TRAVIS: She's leaving us, it's the best life choice. MATT: You watch her gnomish form vanish off the docks and mingle with the rest of the villagers of Bisaft. MARISHA: Well, that was the weirdest seven days I didn't know I had. TALIESIN: Yeah. MARISHA: Jester, are you all right? LAURA: Oh, yeah, of course. I'm fine. MARISHA: You're a bad liar. LAURA: (laughter) I'm a really good liar, Beau. MARISHA: Sure. LAURA: I'm going to go to my room. (shuddering sigh) And go to sleep. LIAM: Are you okay? SAM: Am I okay? Yes, I'm fine. Are you okay? LIAM: (quietly) Would you jump up here? SAM: Would I what? LIAM: Would you jump up? SAM: Onto you? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: I will jump up onto Caleb and I will give him a big kiss on his nose, and I will whip out the last book I had. We still have books to go through! LIAM: I'll look at those tomorrow. Let's go get some sleep. I start walking off towards our quarters. MARISHA: Hey, Fjord? TRAVIS: Yep? MARISHA: I feel like there's this trend of us feeling shitty after we come out of a fight. TRAVIS: Right. I'd say something about that that doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but I feel pretty fucking weak right now. MARISHA: Hmm. TRAVIS: That was a dragon. MARISHA: That was a dragon. I don't even know what any of it meant. TRAVIS: That little crazy Ball o' Fun is a troublemaker. Just like Twiggy. MARISHA: Well, I guess there's still time to figure it all out. TRAVIS: Maybe we just leave that particular function alone for a while and collect some gold to recoup our repair costs. MARISHA: It feels like that gold was stealing from the dragon, just slowly but surely. TRAVIS: Oh shit. MARISHA: Yeah. Anyway... But he's dead now, so what does it matter? We could just slowly drain it. It's like a never-ending piggy bank. TRAVIS: Yeah, if a big, blue finger comes through the hole, we'll know Twiggy lied. MARISHA: That's true. TRAVIS: I'm going to go get rid of this concussion now. MARISHA: I guess I'm going to stay up. I don't feel like sleeping just yet. TRAVIS: All right, first mate, you got the con. MARISHA: Copy that, captain. TRAVIS: (groans) TALIESIN: I'm probably going to come out about halfway through your shift with a pot and two cups. Another day. MARISHA: How are you? TALIESIN: Weirdly, I think I'm great. MARISHA: Oddly, I feel okay too. TALIESIN: Yeah, I know. MARISHA: Is that wrong of me? TALIESIN: No. MARISHA: I feel like everyone else feels so terribly. TALIESIN: Well, in the morning, we're going to comfort everybody. We're going to take care of them, we're going to feed them. It's going to be our job to feel good for them and bring them back around. They did good work, they just don't believe it. MARISHA: I think I oddly feel the most comfortable when things are a fraction away from going terribly wrong. TALIESIN: Something's happening. I don't know what, but something's happening. And you did good. MARISHA: So did you. TALIESIN: Thank you. Do better next time to keep everybody safe. MATT: You both quietly sit there, drinking your tea, finishing off the watch while the rest of your group sleeps soundly in their midday bunks, recovering from the strenuous activities of surviving three chambers of a hundred-chambered mage vault extraplanar home. We'll end it there and pick up on that next week.

Post-Show
SAM: Wow! MATT: Well done guys, holy shit! We have this ridiculous trend of guests killing bosses from the last campaign. LAURA: It's the craziest thing! SAM: Killing a dragon with a natural 20! LIAM: What a fucking delight Twiggy was! LAURA: Twiggy forever! TALIESIN: You had some weird-ass spells up, right? You had some weird-ass shit that I didn't know about. I saw them, but I never really poked. You don't have to tell me what it was; did you have some weird shit that if I had prodded it would have been a thing? DEBORAH: No. TALIESIN: All right, okay, let's just do that then. DEBORAH: No, I'm very normal. I just do weird stuff with my normal stuff. MATT: I like that. LIAM: Descriptive. MATT: Thank you guys so much for watching. Thank you again, Deborah, for joining. You were such a joy. Was there anything you want to talk about or plug before we leave? DEBORAH: Oh yeah! I have a game coming out. We're doing a show with Geek & Sundry called Relics and Rarities, and it's super silly and fun and great and I hope that everyone will love it, and I just want to say a big thank you to you guys because I don't think that would be possible either for me without all of you paving the way and being so supportive and so incredible and so inspiring. Thank you so much! TRAVIS: Yeah, that's awesome. LAURA: That set looks killer! MATT: It looks so good. DEBORAH: It's so cool. Thank you guys. LIAM: Thanks for playing. MATT: Thank you guys. Have a wonderful night. We'll see you next week. We love you, and is it Thursday yet? Good night.