Transcript:Rime and Reason

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

ALL: We play Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT: We do have-- after the announcements, our friend Liam is going to be attempting to Skype in for the game. He is out in the middle of nowhere, but has apparently gotten some aid from some Critters at the place he's staying, and we're hoping the connection's enough on get him through here, so we're going to try. So thank you, whoever you are helping Liam out on that end. So before we get into it, we have some announcements to get through. First and foremost, we have two wonderful sponsors tonight. First, our friends since the beginning of campaign two, and the ones who endure this gentleman every week, D&D Beyond, Sam?

TRAVIS: ♪ D&D Beyond! ♪

SAM: D&D Beyond. Happy birthday, D&D Beyond. This week marks the second anniversary of our favorite official digital tool set for Fifth Edition Dungeons & Dragons. Join us in wishing them well and check it out if you have not at dndbeyond.com. Now, often Laura goes next in the announcements with merch stuff, but I always feel like there could be more stuff focusing on my characters, so I thought I'd use some of my time tonight to pitch a few merch ideas to Laura.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

SAM: Now these are just prototypes. They're not finished products. But maybe if you guys like them and she likes them, you can find these things in the Crit Role store later this year.

LAURA: Hmm.

SAM: First up: Nott's Bag of Buttons. (laughter) Our favorite goblin rogue loves buttons, and so will you when you pick up this limited edition giant sack of stolen buttons. Buttons sold separately. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Is that a resealable plastic bag?

SAM: Shut up, Travis. (laughter) Collect all 743. Warning, choking hazard.

TALIESIN: I was about to ask. (laughter)

SAM: Next, Doty would always comb and maintain Taryon Darrington's hair and beard, and now you can, too, with Chia Taryon. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

SAM: With a little sunlight, water, and love, you, too, can have fun, fun, fun with your own Taryon Gary Darrington. Warning, contains choking hazard. (laughter)

TRAVIS: ♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia ♪

MATT: ♪ Ch-ch-ch-choking ♪

SAM: Oh, and for our younger viewers, you might have a fancy doll house, but you don't have a magnificent one. This is going to break.

LAURA: Oh god. Oh god.

TRAVIS: How big is this?

MICA: Oh no!

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

LAURA: I like to sell quality items in our store.

SAM: It's a prototype.

TALIESIN: Oh my god!

SAM: Introducing Scanlan's Magnificent Doll House, complete with vegan kitchen, training pit, and a sex room. (laughter) Invisible servants included. See, they're right there.

TRAVIS: Is that a toilet?

SAM: I don't know.

TRAVIS: Right there below your right hand.

MARISHA: Yes, that's a toilet.

TRAVIS: Okay, on the side of the-- yeah.

SAM: There's some poop in there! (laughter)

TRAVIS: Is it blue?

SAM: Yep. Last but not least, for our adult Critters who want to spice things up in the bedroom.

LAURA: Oh no.

SAM: Strap on this shiny new cube cock ring. (laughter) Just like the kind worn by Scanlan himself. This sterling silver wanger hanger will make your love life sing all night long. Warning, is a choking hazard. Be sure to tweet your favorites at Laura Bailey and keep checking the store to see which ones made the cut.

LAURA: Yep, just keep on checking that store.

TRAVIS: Wanger hanger.

LAURA: No, stop it.

SAM: This one's been used. (groaning)

MICA: Can I go home? (laughter)

MATT: If you need to go, go. Thank you, Sam. And thank you, D&D Beyond. An optimal app for use in your D&D games, where you can keep your character information and dungeon mastering abilities very clean, and--

LAURA: I love how Matt always has to like actually--

MATT: It's important.

SAM: That's the secret.

MATT: Exactly, I see how this works now. For our second sponsor tonight, our returning friends at Idle Champions. For those who aren't familiar-- and we thank them for their continued support. They run a game called Idle Champions of the Forgotten Realms. It's an awesome game where you get to build your own party of characters from all over the D&D lore universe, as well as numerous streams, and you get to put them into a party and fight through dungeons and adventures based on official D&D adventures. It's available on PC, I think iOS, and Android, all sorts of other places. It's awesome. This month, Idle Champions has partnered with the charity Take This, and is releasing the Vizier the Steller's Jay Familiar NPC Pack. So the pack that contains the familiar itself plus a variety of potions, apparently. All the net proceeds are going to special AFK rooms, which are volunteer-run safe spaces for anyone who feels overwhelmed and needs a place to stay to regain their clam at upcoming PAX events, which is a great thing that I'm so glad conventions are now beginning to provide, 'cause man, can those places get real overwhelming real fast.

LAURA: Yeah.

MICA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: So go ahead and support this great cause with our fantastic friends at Idle Champions. You can head out to IdleChampions.com/CriticalRole for more details on this awesome endeavor.

TALIESIN: That is so cool.

MATT: All right, so we've also got, for those that haven't seen it, the second issue of the next installment of our comic book series, Vox Machina Origins, came out yesterday. (groaning) Issue two. Fantastic cover art from our Critter artist, Will Kirkby. It's bad-ass and it just gets more intense from here on out, too.

TALIESIN: So good.

TRAVIS: Oh man.

MATT: So some folks may know the origin history, we briefly discussed in the past, get to see all the original stories we played at home now played out in awesome comic fashion. Continues to be written by our fantastic writer Jody Houser in this series, too. She does an amazing job. Olivia, of course, is our amazing artist. Just super proud of this. It's getting better each time. So check it out if you haven't yet. It's available at local comic stores or digitally online. For Laura, you have something to note as well?

LAURA: Oh yes, you may have noticed on our store online this morning, oh, shit I knocked it over.

SAM: Oh god.

(laughter)

MATT: Well-oiled machine!

LAURA: (trumpet fanfare) It's the Tal'Dorei map! (cheering) Whoa!

SAM: High quality paper.

LAURA: I know! It's the same size as our other maps by Deven Rue.

TALIESIN: Nice.

LAURA: It's beautiful, it's glorious. You can check it out on our shop.

TRAVIS: It's so sweet.

MARISHA: So good.

LAURA: I know, I know.

MATT: Bad-ass.

SAM: Each one come with a cock ring.

LAURA: No.

TALIESIN: No.

SAM: No?

MATT: That's not a thing.

TALIESIN: That's just a shipping tube. It's just a shipping tube, man. You're doing it wrong.

LAURA: It's in our US and our UK store.

MARISHA: Round hole, square peg.

(laughter)

MATT: Square hole, rounds peg.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

TALIESIN: I beg to differ.

MARISHA: That's the joke, man.

MATT: No, it can go both ways. It goes both ways. Anyway. Thank you, Laura. Thank you, everyone.

TALIESIN: Trying to get that cube joke--

MATT: I believe that's the end of our announcements, so let's go ahead and get us in to--

TRAVIS: Can I, can-- ?

MATT: Oh wait.

TRAVIS: Thank you. I had the lucky, prestigious honor of joining the future Super Bowl champion Dallas Cowboys at their training camp--

SAM: Boo!

TRAVIS: --earlier this week, and I just want to send a special shout-out to all-pro center Travis Frederick and his D&D adventuring party, The Janitors, for allowing me and my brother to attend. It was amazing, they gave us gear, and I'm going to wear it for the fucking game. (laughter) Love the Cowboys.

MATT: Yes!

MICA: So is it safe to assume your favorite team is the Cowboys?

LAURA: Yes.

TRAVIS: I'm from Dallas! I love the Cowboys! They're the best! They're the best!

MICA: I'm sorry!

(laughing)

TALIESIN: This has been him all week.

MATT: Awesome.

MICA: Sportsball.

MARISHA: Yeah, man.

MATT: I have never seen him so excited. Thank you guys for, you know, I mean, Laura's a great wife, but I've never seen him this excited.

TRAVIS: It was awesome.

MATT: He's a father.

MATT: You have a child.

TRAVIS: But it was awesome.

TALIESIN: You're beaming.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: It was so cool.

(laughter)

MATT: All righty, well, on that note, let's go ahead and jump in to tonight's episode of... (scratching sounds) (laughter)

TRAVIS: They're real sticky.

MATT: Critical Role.

TRAVIS: (growling)

(water bubbling) (thunder rumbling) (explosion) ♪ Role, Critical, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Roll the dice, roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware 'cause you're 'bout to be dead ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don't see over there ♪ ♪ There's a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting, rise up, don't think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands ♪ ♪ Take a chance, roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Role, Critical, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call? ♪ ♪ Dig in deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it's your turn ♪ ♪ Your turn, your turn ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (flames whooshing) (dragon roaring)

Part I
MATT: Little late on that, Sam. Welcome back. (laughs) So last we left off, as we try to get a Liam O'Brien to connect here. Well-oiled machine. (laughter) Almost 200 episodes of this series. Well-oiled machine. (laughing) That's part of the charm, I like to think. So last we left off, the Mighty Nein, heading northward to the Greying Wildlands in search of the means to assemble two broken pieces of an artifact that they've acquired over the breadth of their adventures, as well as seek for the means to pursue the visions that Caduceus had received from the Wildmother, had found themselves in the subterranean dwarf-elf city of Uthodurn. While searching about, you encountered an individual named Reani. Reani, who was a vigilante protector, it seems, of the local neighborhood, and had an aligned interest in the venture that you were notified, that required a white dragon to be sought to acquire this material known as iceflex, which is mithral treated with the breath of a white dragon. A dangerous mission, you researched where this white dragon may be, and with the help of your ally there, acquire some materials, make some connections, and prepare yourselves for the journey. You called in an additional favor with Shadowhand Essek, teleported northward to the Mythburrow, which seems to be the den, or domain, depending how you want to pronounce it, of this entity, this white dragon known as Gelidon, the Nightmare in Ivory.

MARISHA: I'm sorry. We were trying to remember exactly-- yeah, as you were saying.

MICA: We just didn't know what the adjective was.

MATT: No worries. You arrive via teleportation to the outskirts of this mountain at the base, being blasted with wind and snow and ice. Glancing up, you can see a little ways up a cavern that enters into the base of the mountain with icy veins curling out from this entrance. And that was where we left off. So as the wind is howling through, being spattered and smacked with hail and hard snow, Essek immediately takes a step back and goes, "All right, friends. I'm not staying very long. This is ridiculous, have fun," and turns around and starts walking away.

LAURA: Thank you!

TRAVIS: Walking or hovering?

MATT: Hard to tell at this distance.

LAURA: What about his footprints? Is he leaving footprints in the snow?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, first roll of the night!

(laughter)

LAURA: I don't have my stuff, oh my god!

SAM: Plus four to--

LAURA: Is it?

SAM: Plus five?

LAURA: Is it 14? 14?

MARISHA: Tell me it's a single tire track. Just one.

MICA: Like a snail?

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

MATT: It's two wheelie tracks.

LAURA: Oh! 15.

MATT: 15? What'd you--

TALIESIN: Oh, like 11.

MATT: 11? Okay. What you do see-- you don't see any footsteps. What you see are two grooves dragging forward.

SAM: He's on skates?

MICA: It's his toes!

MATT: It's his toes.

TALIESIN: He's hovering, but the snow is too--

LAURA: Oh, wow.

MICA: Is he wearing shoes?

MATT: You can't tell. The cloak goes just past that.

MICA: Hope his toes are okay.

MATT: Probably pretty cold at this point.

TALIESIN: You can get frostbite that way. That's pretty heavy.

MATT: (chuckling)

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, here we are.

SAM: Hi.

TALIESIN: Well, I'm really glad we bought jackets.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

TALIESIN: Do we want to maybe batten down somewhere?

LAURA: Is there anything nearby, like a-- not a dragon cave.

MICA: Please not that cave.

TALIESIN: Are there any other clearings or caves? Is there anywhere that seems like it might give us shelter that isn't the big entrance of doom?

MATT: Make a perception check in the space.

TALIESIN: (groans)

MATT: I'll say, at the storm at this distance, do it with disadvantage, just because your vision is somewhat obscured by the storm--

LAURA: Can I look, too, because I said it, too?

MATT: Sure.

TALIESIN: 11.

LAURA: I did say it.

TALIESIN: I was fine before disadvantage.

MATT: Sorry, man.

LAURA: Oh, disadvantage.

MATT: Weather's shitty.

LAURA: 13?

MATT: 13. Looking around, there might be a couple of rocks you could try and push yourselves up against to get out of the extent of the storm, but there's no other shelter-like caverns within the mountain that are immediately in the vicinity. The teleportation spell was very accurate and brought you straight towards the base of Mythburrow per your request.

MARISHA: When we look up, can we see any caves in the mountainside?

MATT: That's what they were looking for.

MARISHA: Oh.

MICA: Can you see inside the giant mouth of the cave?

MATT: It looks like it's a couple of hundred feet from you, so you're not able to tell at this distance, with all the mess of weather pushing in its way. You'd have to get closer to look.

TRAVIS: With the mess of weather, daylight breaking through at all, time of day?

MATT: No daylight breaking through. You guys had taken a day's rest before traveling to Rosohna, so if I recall, and we'll say for now it's like midday, maybe early afternoon. So there's light out, but the sky itself is dark gray, heavy clouds, coming through storm, not quite blizzard, but it's still an intense storm.

TRAVIS: And several hundred yards to the mouth of the cave. Vegetation, trees, in the distance, or--?

LAURA: Several hundred yards to the base of the mountain or to the mouth of the--

MATT: To the mouth of the cave. There are levels where it evens off and then climbs up further and then climbs up further.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay.

MATT: From what you can see, there are a handful of leafless tree trunks with completely barren branches that are visible at certain points, even just in the vicinity around you and along the mountains here. You're not sure if they're just old and have long been dead or if there's an actual cycle of weather and nature that occasionally the storms allow things to grow.

TALIESIN: I feel like I might get a sense. Can I walk over to one of them and--? Are you sleeping over there? Sorry. You all right?

MATT: Make a nature check.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I love it.

TALIESIN: Wow, I hope I don't keep rolling like this, because that's exciting. Where'd it go? Eight.

MATT: The tree is barren. It looks like a tree that exists in a cold place, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: Hard to tell--

MARISHA: Yeah.

MICA: Should we peek into the cave and see if we see the dragon?

SAM: That's what I was going to ask. I mean, before we bed down for the night, should we just at least establish that this is the correct cave?

MICA: That wasn't my idea. My idea was if the dragon's far back in the cave, we can take a corner to ourselves and take a nap.

LAURA: What if he's not far back in the cave--

SAM: What if it's not the right cave?

MICA: Then we run?

MARISHA: Well, let's do a little scouting trip. A little scouting trip.

TALIESIN: We have things for this. We have a cat, don't we?

SAM: We have a cat.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: (as Caleb) Oh, yes. Oh, ja. I have a cat. Oh scheiße.

TRAVIS: Oh, oh boy.

LAURA: Oh, hello!

TRAVIS: Oh boy.

MICA: What was that accent again?

TALIESIN: I am so excited.

MARISHA: Okay, I have a cat. Oh ja.

(laughter)

MICA: Matt is horrified.

SAM: Is your cat a cat today, Mr. Caleb?

MARISHA: Oh, ja.

(laughter)

SAM: Only ask him yes or no questions.

MATT: My birthday was two months ago, but--

TALIESIN: Liam, wherever you are, thank you for this gift. Thank you for this gift, Liam.

TRAVIS: Oh god. I mean, not only do we need to carefully scout the cave, but also in case the dragon is in there and if we agitate it, how the fuck do we get out of here? We don't really have a quick means of escape.

LAURA: Well--

MARISHA: Ja, I have a Teleportation Circle.

LAURA: You also have the hut that we can be in.

TRAVIS: Ah yes. How long does the hut last? 10 hours?

MATT: Eight hours, as long as he stays within it.

TRAVIS: Right.

TALIESIN: (Percy voice) So we can get ourselves-- (normal voice) wow, you did that to me. Wow. Too much accent happening here.

SAM: But Mr. Caleb.

(laughter)

SAM: You know that you can be inside the dome and controlling the cat at the same time, isn't that correct?

MARISHA: Oh ja.

SAM: Please elaborate.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh, you know.

LAURA: Oh, well...

SAM: Herdy gerdy gerdy.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: It's good we're getting the positivity out now before we're all--

MICA: Before we all die.

MATT: Swedish wizard is my favorite addition to this team.

(laughter)

LAURA: Caleb doesn't feel like talking very much, I can tell.

SAM: I think he's already going in to his trance.

LAURA: You've got a lot of text messages.

TRAVIS: (German accent) Yeah, set up the dome, send cat out.

(laughter)

Jah.

MICA: Jah!

SAM: Jah?

MATT: Yeah, Liam actually-- yeah. Which is actually German, yeah.

TRAVIS: Pretty sure.

MARISHA: Meine kitty, he go forth.

TRAVIS: (blowing raspberry)

MICA: That got Russian real quick.

MATT: Yeah, it went to cave man.

(laughter)

MATT: Okay, all right. So are you setting up the--

SAM: Cast the dome?

LAURA: Right, right, right?

MARISHA: Okay, what does it look like? What does this landscape--

TRAVIS: We should creep closer.

LAURA: We can go up against the rocks that I saw, the outcropping.

MATT: There is a gradual incline up the side of the mountain. It climbs at places and then levels out a bit and then climbs more, and the further in you get, the more the incline of rock begins to raise and raise to meet the actual heavy mountainside. You're about 250 feet or so from the entrance of this cavern, and around you is just snow and ice and dead trees and rock.

TALIESIN: We don't hear anything. We don't see any dragons around, there's no--

MATT: Not at the moment, no.

TALIESIN: Okay. Because if we catch its attention, we're going to be in some trouble right now.

TRAVIS: Yes, and then we'll be sitting there for eight hours hoping it goes away.

TALIESIN: Which it won't.

MICA: I don't think dragons just disappear.

SAM: You know what we could do. If I may, we could create the dome, and by we I mean you, Mr. Caleb, and as soon as it's set up, I believe it can keep everything out, right? However, it will also keep snow out, so if we covered it with snow, like covered it up with snow, like--

LAURA: It would be really hard to see.

SAM: It would be really hard to see is what I am saying.

MATT: He can also make it look however he wants it to.

LAURA: So he can make it look like snow.

SAM: Could make it look white and we could also just puff it up a little bit.

TRAVIS: That's not terrible, yeah.

MICA: I can make us a campfire.

TRAVIS: That would be a bad thing, I think.

LAURA: The smoke would come out of it.

TRAVIS: Light and the-- yeah.

TALIESIN: Do we have any supernatural fire, maybe?

MICA: I have supernatural fire.

TALIESIN: Well then, I don't think supernatural fire makes smoke, if I recall.

TRAVIS: I don't even know what supernatural fire is.

LAURA: It's like Caleb's light balls that he has.

MICA: Does Produce Flame make smoke?

MATT: I'm going to have to turn off my buzzer here because we're getting a shit-ton of Liam texts in the thread.

SAM: Also, knowing from past experience and text messages, the hut is actually warm inside.

MARISHA: Quite warm, ja.

TRAVIS: Can control the temperature outside, okay.

SAM: Right, Mr. Caleb?

MARISHA: Ja, it's toasty.

TALIESIN: It's got a Nest.

TRAVIS: Jah.

MARISHA: Jah.

SAM: No, it's ja.

MATT: I would say because it is magically created, the bonfire would not create smoke.

MICA: Oh, good to know.

MATT: Because why not.

MARISHA: I took German. That's the funny part.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Damn.

SAM: All right, so we make the dome, and then once we're all cozy inside, Frumpkin can go in and peek around.

LAURA: Yeah, or you can do it, because you can be invisible.

SAM: I can.

LAURA: I can also, you know, send messages to the dragon.

SAM: (high-pitched concern) Mmm!

TALIESIN: That seems like a bad idea.

LAURA: Here's the thing, I mean, I can wait to say all this when we're in the hut, but here's the thing.

TALIESIN: Hmm.

LAURA: It's not like we're going to sneak up on this dragon, right? I mean, we're not going to sneak into the thing and sneakily make him or her breathe on this thing of metal. They're going to know we're there, so might as well talk to them and see if maybe they'll just breathe on it without fighting us.

MICA: They could be nice.

LAURA: They could be a nice dragon.

SAM: I'm okay with that. However, maybe we should talk with them after we've rested and have all of our capabilities.

LAURA: No, maybe we should talk with them before, that way I don't waste my spell.

SAM: I see, I see.

TRAVIS: I have a question. Have any of you ever actually spoken or dealt with a dragon?

MICA: No.

TALIESIN: No.

SAM: Have you?

TRAVIS: No.

MARISHA: (as Beau) Well, we did in a happy fun ball. We actually all did and kind of arrogant.

TRAVIS: Oh, yes!

TALIESIN: But that was--

LAURA: Did you talk to him?

TRAVIS: I did, yes. I did, yes. Sorry, I repressed that memory, apparently.

MARISHA: We've been through a lot of shit.

TRAVIS: Wow.

MARISHA: A lot happens in a day.

TRAVIS: They're very smart and--

MARISHA: You all ever think about that? Like, are we really living in the moment? Are we processing--

SAM: I don't know, Caleb.

(laughter)

LAURA: No.

SAM: No? Is that Beau?

LAURA: No, that's Beau.

SAM: I can't tell. It's almost the same.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Threw a button at you.

TALIESIN: You can get the doll for a visual aid if you need.

MATT: Oh my god.

MICA: Liam's somewhere in the wilderness like, "Let me in."

TRAVIS: I will say that dragon was very intelligent. It seemed very clever and dark, and--

MATT: If you want, make an arcana check. You read a lot on the white dragon, right?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: You actually know that white dragons, of all the chromatics, are known to be the least intelligent. That doesn't mean that they're stupid by any means, but as far as the scales of the chromatics, they have-- the most intelligent of white dragons sometimes range the average intelligence of a person.

MARISHA: Aren't they also the most vengeful or something?

MATT: They're the most feral in some ways. The most animalistic, hunt, eat. They're intelligent, you know, like any intelligent creature is, but they're not the kind to outsmart one of wits, necessarily.

LAURA: So maybe we could send in an animal with the metal strapped to it or something, and then--

TRAVIS: That would be amazing.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, and--

MICA: I have animals.

LAURA: Do you have animals?

MICA: I can make animals.

LAURA: You can also turn into an animal.

MICA: I can also turn into an animal.

LAURA: But I don't want you to be the one that we try to set on, not fire but ice--

MICA: True, but I can make an animal that we can set on ice.

LAURA and MICA: Yeah!

LAURA: And tie the metal to it, and then the dragon will just be like, "Oh man, I'm so hungry!"

SAM: "I'm so feral!"

MICA: Wait, but if it's hungry, what if it eats the bar?

MARISHA: That's a good point.

TALIESIN: Very good point.

MARISHA: We need to agitate it. We need--

LAURA: We need a fast animal that just runs around.

MICA: What if it's like a cheetah? Cheetahs would die in the snow. What if it's like a snow leopard?

SAM: A snow leopard.

LAURA: (gasps)

SAM: But then, if the dragon kills it, we still have the problem of a big dragon going and eating its body or something.

TRAVIS: Or taking the ore, I mean, it's a shiny metal. Don't dragons like--

SAM: We could attach the piece of metal to a rope, so if the snow cheetah dies--

TALIESIN: I thought about that, I thought about that. The rope might burn.

LAURA: What if we--

TALIESIN: I did think about that.

LAURA: Okay wait, what if we put the metal in the snow leopard's mouth.

MICA: Uh-huh.

LAURA: It runs, it gets sprayed on, everything like that. The snow leopard dies. He's about to get eaten, and then you send in your Mage Hand and you snatch up the ingot out of the dragon's mouth before it ever gets to eat it, and then you bring it back into the hut, and then we're all safe and then Caleb, you can do teleportation, then we're gone--

TRAVIS: How far away do you need to be for your hand?

SAM: I think it's about 60 feet.

TALIESIN: I'll also say that we do have a little talky button that we could attach to--

SAM: Oh, 30 feet.

LAURA: To the snow leopard.

MICA: And the snow leopard could send a message that says, "We're friends. Hi!"

TALIESIN: Do we now have a talking snow leopard?

LAURA: Might as well.

TRAVIS: Another thing to keep in mind, with all this drawing things out of the cave, look around our feet. Are we leaving prints in the snow, tracks?

MATT: Where you're standing right now, yes, very much so.

TRAVIS: So if we go in and flee or throw something in and retract it, it will lead a straight line directly to--

LAURA: Yeah, but we have the hut.

TRAVIS: Yeah, the dome.

LAURA: Right, and then we do the Teleportation Circle within the dome, and then we just bamf out from the dome.

TRAVIS: That sounds like it could work.

TALIESIN: Don't know if that can, does that work?

MICA: Or I can send in a snow leopard, and then I turn into a giant spider, and then I send out a spider web, and then pull on the spider web, and then we run away.

MARISHA: Yeah, there's also no guarantee that one hit of ice breath on this thing is going to cut it. This might take a few rounds.

SAM: On the metal, you mean?

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: Because they said it had to change color.

TRAVIS: It has to glow blue, right? LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I feel like we have two approaches that we can take here, which is we can either try and reason with this dragon and try and--

MICA: Or we kill it.

TALIESIN: Well--

LAURA: Or we just try to trick it.

TALIESIN: Or we try and trick it, which may lead to killing.

MARISHA: I would just like to point out that its name is the Nightmare in Ivory. It sounds look a woman scorned on her wedding day, I don't know--

LAURA: Maybe it is.

TALIESIN: Or a good electronica band.

MICA: So somebody has to marry it, problem solved.

LAURA: Fjord, you're very attractive.

MARISHA: You are very attractive.

TRAVIS: I don't want to marry a dragon.

MARISHA: Honestly, a proposal might soften--

MICA: Does anybody have a ring?

LAURA: I have lots of rings on my fingers.

SAM: I think it's Liam.

MICA: Problem solved.

TALIESIN: But no, this is, I mean--

TRAVIS: An important question for Caleb is can the dome be up and then can he also conjure, draw, whatever the transportation--

LAURA: Teleportation Circle.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that one, circle.

MARISHA: (as Caleb) I'm pretty sure, ja. If I, ooh, awkward.

(laughter)

MICA: Can she hear us?

SAM: Scratch your arm, scratch your arm.

TALIESIN: Yes, he can.

MATT: I didn't realize he was even gone for a second.

MARISHA: 'Cause, you know, dome is a concentration spell, ja, and I can have one of those up at a time, ja.

MATT: Well, the dome is not concentration.

MARISHA: (normal voice) Oh, it's not.

MATT: No, it just lasts for eight hours.

MARISHA: So I can do it, can we--

MATT: Neither of them are concentration, but each take a minute to cast.

MARISHA: The Teleportation Circle as well?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: But that's fine. If we're inside the dome then the dragon can't get in the dome, and then you can draw at your leisure.

TALIESIN: That also means that any contact we have with the dragon will be no Caleb.

LAURA: Here's a question.

TRAVIS: Yep.

LAURA: If I use Dimension Door and I do pop over, then would I be able to pop into the dome, or would I have to pop, just probably next to it--

TRAVIS: You are allowed to. You're welcome in the dome. He decides who comes in and out.

MARISHA: Is it considered on the same plane of existence?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

MARISHA: Then yeah.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: So I think we have a good exit plan. We should get closer and see what we'll be informed by--

SAM: It seems like, talking it through with these animals and the mage hands and everything, it seems like some of us are going to have to get close to do this.

MICA: What if we go in and the dragon's like an old man and we can just slit its throat and leave?

MARISHA: The older they get, the worse they get.

TALIESIN: It would be called like the Nap in Ivory if it was that old--

MICA: Maybe he hasn't had his name updated. We don't know!

SAM: Also, regarding killing, I don't think the dragon can breathe once it's dead, so that will have foiled our plans.

LAURA: This is true.

MICA: Hmm.

LAURA: I think we go in, we get the breath, it turns blue, and we leave. I don't think we should try to kill it because it's going to be very strong.

TRAVIS: I agree.

LAURA: And that blue dragon was really little. I mean, he was kind of a baby, and he was really hard to kill.

SAM: I've got a pitch, I've got a pitch. It's not a good pitch.

TRAVIS: Let's hear it. We're excited to hear it.

SAM: It's a really bad pitch. (laughs) What if we all go in together, because we're better as a team.

TRAVIS: Yep.

TALIESIN: Sure.

SAM: We have some fast folks among us. Namely you, Beauregard.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Also you can bamf around with your Dimension Door a little bit.

LAURA: A couple of times.

SAM: Yeah, so what if we spread out as much as we can. We'll obviously have to see what the inside of this cave is like, but if we spread out a lot and sort of do like a hot potato thing with the mithral, right? That way, even if it blasts one of us, maybe we won't die, and then we can just hot potato it somewhere else, and then the dragon will shoot that person, and that person won't die either, maybe.

MARISHA: You know, I'm actually down for this on a conceptual level. I hear your pitch, and I'm going to, yeah. I think we can start with some of the illusion stuff, but eventually, if that this piece of hunk of metal gets stuck, someone's going to have to run and get it, and then I think the baton pass-off is actually not a bad call.

LAURA: But, okay.

TALIESIN: Once it's blue.

LAURA: What, if though, one hit from his breath does kill us?

SAM: Well then, we'll find that out very quickly. I was going to suggest that maybe Reani could go first.

MICA: I can go first.

TRAVIS: Let's just get--

SAM: I'm sorry--

TRAVIS: How about we just get closer and we actually take a look, yes?

LAURA: Frumpkin? Will you go?

MARISHA: (meows)

LAURA: Caleb, will you send Frumpkin in?

TRAVIS: We should go around the side, set up the dome, and then send in Frumpkin, yes?

LAURA: Set up the dome.

SAM: Yes, yes, yes.

LAURA: Caleb, can you cast the dome twice in one day? If we set it up now, will you also be able to set it up so we can--

MARISHA: (as Caleb) Ja, as long as I sleep.

MATT: It's a 3rd-level spell, so it can be cast multiple times a day.

MARISHA: (as Beau) Okay, well yeah, but we're going to sleep though, right? We're going to sleep?

TRAVIS: Let's go check it out.

MARISHA: All right.

TRAVIS: We move closer. On a flank.

LAURA: Quietly, quietly, quietly. I cast Pass Without a Trace.

MATT: All right, you cast Pass Without a Trace. Everybody go ahead and roll stealth checks, please.

TALIESIN: (groans)

MARISHA: Oh god.

TALIESIN: Oh god, which one am I going to use?

MICA: Oh, thank goodness.

TALIESIN: Hey!

MICA: 17?

MATT: Plus 10 with Pass Without a Trace.

MICA: 27.

MATT: Nice.

TALIESIN: 27.

MATT: All righty.

MICA: Aww yeah.

MATT: Nature bros.

LAURA: I rolled this thing, but I don't know how to tell what number it landed on?

SAM: I think it's a nine.

TALIESIN: It's a nine.

LAURA: How do you know that?

MATT: You rolled a satellite.

TRAVIS: What is that? Is that a UFO?

LAURA: It's supposed to be a shield. I feel like I should a roll different dice, just because I don't know what it actually says.

MATT: Then go for it.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: Well, that's a thing.

LAURA: 33.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: 43.

MARISHA: 31.

MATT: And that was for Beau, for Caleb?

SAM: Oh wait, we don't have Pass-- we do have--

LAURA: We do have Pass Without a Trace.

SAM: 43, yeah.

LAURA: You added ten?

MICA: Yes.

MARISHA: 28.

TRAVIS: 15.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Sorry.

MATT: You guys, trudging through the snow, making your way up the side of this mountain. Are you going towards the right or the left side of the cavern entrance?

TRAVIS: I like left.

LAURA: Is there one that has more of a flat area next to it?

MATT: Between the two of them, the side of the mountain tends to be pretty similar. There's some variations, but it doesn't seem to be a difference one way or the other.

LAURA: There's no plateaus on either side?

MATT: Slight plateau on both sides.

LAURA: Okay, then the left.

MATT: Okay. You guys curve to the left, make your way to the side, unnoticed, no other scenario, no issues.

TRAVIS: Do we hear anything being closer?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Natural one.

(laughter)

SAM: I'm going to sniff the air.

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: 17.

MATT: 17. It's a very, very clean smell, with the ice and the wind cutting through, and the smell has been very familiar to you. You do catch a slight whiff of something on the wind that is different from everything else. It's somewhat pungent. It's very faint and only comes a little bit here and there. It's almost like wet dog.

MICA: As we get closer to the cave, can I see inside of it yet?

MATT: You guys are moving on the left side of it. Do you want to head towards the front of the cave?

MARISHA: Yetis.

LAURA: (gasps)

MARISHA: They mentioned yetis.

TRAVIS: They did. They have hair.

TALIESIN: Let's stay as a group.

MICA: Yeah, let's stay as a group.

TRAVIS: You need to cast that fucking dome.

MICA: Can we make our campsite now?

SAM: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: (as Caleb) Oof. I, uh--

SAM: You can do it right at the mouth of the cave, or--

TALIESIN: Just right off to the side.

MARISHA: Ja, ja, ja, ja.

MATT: Okay.

(laughter)

All right.

SAM: We need a counter for how many times she says "ja."

TRAVIS: CritRoleStats is on the job.

(laughter)

MARISHA: You don't want to give them the task, that's a fool's errand.

MICA: Everybody just sighed.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: This is just making my miss my lederhosen.

MARISHA: I pull out my pocket kitchen sink and my air mattress and I take 60 seconds to set up.

SAM: I love how he always describes the magical process with such vivid detail.

MATT: So the small crystal bead that is the required material component for the spell is produced. A brief moment of concentration and uttering of incantations before everyone surrounding Caleb, you're completely wrapped in a semi-transparent dome.

MARISHA: I make it white.

MATT: Right. So it has a textured exterior, where it looks like a pile of snow against the side of the cavern from the outside. From the inside, it looks like a slightly shaded glass.

LAURA: Ooh, cool.

MATT: It's warm on the inside. The freezing temperature is causing you to chatter your teeth and keep your legs and body muscles moving, suddenly becomes comfortable.

LAURA: ♪ Rod of warmth, if anybody needs some help here ♪

TRAVIS: It's warm in the hut.

LAURA: Yeah, but it takes a minute for your body to warm up.

MARISHA: It feels good.

MICA: I also want to cast Produce Flame and just pass it around, just to warm people up.

MATT: Reani comes around and warms each person individually with this roaring, crackling fire in the middle of the, yeah, exactly.

MICA: Anybody, anybody?

SAM: I've a little old bacon that I'll hold up and--

MICA: Just toast it.

(laughter)

LAURA: What are we doing?

MARISHA: Should I send out my kitty cat?

MICA: There's a kitty cat?

MARISHA: Oh, ja. Boof.

MATT: You watch this fey cat apparate. Orange in color with slight stripes across the fur. (meows)

MICA: I'm going to gently pet him.

MATT: (purring)

MICA: (gasps)

MATT: Leans up against.

MICA: (gasps) This is the greatest day.

MARISHA: He likes you.

(laughter)

MATT: She's getting there, she's getting there, yeah.

MICA: A single tear rolls down my face.

TALIESIN: She's beginning to see.

(laughter)

TALIESIN and TRAVIS: She's starting to believe.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Every actor needs a warmup process, okay?

TALIESIN: Yours is a muppet.

SAM: Don't forget, Caleb, when you're looking through Frumpkin's eyes, lean on Beauregard.

(laughter)

Put your hand on her shoulder.

MARISHA: I always do.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Do we have a Frumpkin?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Bless on Frumpkin. Will that work?

MATT: Yeah, it will.

TALIESIN: I'm casting Bless on Frumpkin, Caleb, and Nott.

MATT: So for one minute, I believe is the-- the length of time?

TALIESIN: Looking for that. One minute.

MATT: Yes. Frumpkin is blessed. So Frumpkin manages to curl away from your grasp after the spell apparates around him, giving this like, slight, warm glow, and Frumpkin is going to delve out into the snow. Make a stealth check for Frumpkin.

MARISHA: Does he have Pass Without a Trace?

MATT: He won't once he leaves the radius of Jester.

MARISHA: Poop.

MATT: You get to add a d4 to it.

TALIESIN: No, it's not a save or an attack.

MATT: Oh, right, it's not an ability check. So yeah, just a straight roll plus Frumpkin's--

TALIESIN: Darn it.

MARISHA: Frumpkin's stats, did he give me Frumpkin's stats?

MATT: Here, I got a Monster Manual right here.

MARISHA: Cats. It's just a cat, fey cat?

MATT: Just a cat.

MARISHA: Cat.

MATT: Dexterity bonus for stealth is plus four.

MARISHA: Six.

MATT: Okay. So looking through Frumpkin's eyes, Frumpkin--

MARISHA: It's Frumpkin's roll, not mine. I had nothing to do with it.

MATT: Exactly.

TALIESIN: Cat in snow is adorable, though.

MATT: Yep. Keeping really low and leaping, like disappearing into each cluster, coming around the circle to the front of the cavern. You can see the ice that is gathered around the edges and how it spindles out.

MARISHA: I describe all of this to Beauregard.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: And everybody else.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and make a perception check with Frumpkin, please. So roll again. There is no light in there.

MARISHA: Goddamn it.

LAURA: That's okay, Caleb always rolls shittily for Frumpkin.

MATT: It's true.

TALIESIN: Perfect Liam simulator so far.

MATT: Add a plus three to your roll. It has disadvantage, because it is dark inside.

LAURA: Oh.

MARISHA: Seven.

MATT: Okay. Frumpkin glances in, looks in the darkness. Doesn't see much on the inside. What little bit of daylight's coming in is scattering across the bits of ice and snow that's blowing into the main entrance. Frumpkin enters slightly and looks around the corner. You just hear (growling) and Frumpkin turns around to run as a big, furry hand grabs Frumpkin and Frumpkin just warps out of its hands.

MARISHA: I do that thing.

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: What did it see before it bamfed the fuck out? Big furry hand?

MARISHA: It was the dragon.

TRAVIS: Was it?

MICA: Are dragons furry?

TRAVIS: What color was the hand?

MARISHA: Right, was it? You said it was furry?

MATT: It looked like a humanoid hand, but with a bunch of fur on the back of it.

MARISHA: Ah, sorry, it's really dark in there. It's got to be a yeti, right?

SAM: I don't know.

TALIESIN: What's a yeti?

LAURA: Why would a yeti be living in there with the dragon?

MICA: Are they friends?

SAM: This is not the dragon's cave. Maybe this is a yeti cave. We have no idea!

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MICA: Question, can we kill a yeti?

LAURA: I don't know.

MICA: Please?

LAURA: I don't know what a yeti--

TRAVIS: Do you have a desire to kill a yeti in particular?

LAURA: Should I send a message to the yeti?

SAM: I don't think, can they speak?

LAURA: I don't know!

MARISHA: I just got fuzzy claw.

MATT: Yeah, because Frumpkin began to turn around after hearing the sound and just, the hand reached out, grabbed, and as soon as it did, you bamfed it out, so.

TRAVIS: That complicates things. One dragon is one thing. Dragon and several other occupants is entirely another matter.

LAURA: Maybe the dragon has a yeti for a butler.

MARISHA: Maybe they're just scavengers.

SAM: (sighs)

TRAVIS: We have to know more. We have to go in, we have to see.

SAM: You want me to get super drunk and go in?

LAURA: No.

TRAVIS: Not particularly.

SAM: I can invisible myself and probably sneak past--

LAURA: Can you invisible somebody who's not drunk?

TRAVIS: Could you go invisible and not be shit-faced?

SAM: Yes.

TRAVIS: That might be better. Can you only make yourself invisible?

SAM: I think I can only make myself invisible.

MICA: What if I send in an animal that can see in the dark, like a bat, and then we can see what it is?

TRAVIS: Can you see through that animal's eyes?

MICA: No, but it can come back and then I can talk to it.

TRAVIS: What if it doesn't survive?

SAM: I can make someone else invisible.

MICA: What if it's upstairs on the ceiling? Then they can't see it, right?

TALIESIN: I mean--

MICA: It's worth a try.

TALIESIN: It's not a terrible idea.

LAURA: A bat is, you know, they would just go in the cave.

TRAVIS: Sure, let's go for it, yeah.

LAURA: Is there such a thing as a snow bat?

MICA: I don't know, but I think bats are pretty strong, right?

TRAVIS: How smart are they?

MARISHA: Bats are actually pretty smart. I tried to convince my dad to give me one, I wanted a pet bat, and he wouldn't let me.

MICA: You read lots of books so I trust you.

TRAVIS: You you wanted a pet bat?

MARISHA: Thank you. Yeah, this was after I asked for the snake.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MICA: Oh, Mr. DM.

MATT: Yes.

MICA: Do you happen to have bat stats?

MATT: I do.

LAURA: We also have them right here.

MICA: Oh, we do?

MARISHA and MICA: ♪ Bat stats ♪

TRAVIS: Thank you, D&D Beyond.

MICA: Thank you, D&D Beyond. I forgot to put it in my extras because I didn't think that I would need a bat.

MATT: Armor class of 12, one hit point, speed of 30 feet flying, but they do have blindsight 60 feet, so they can sense things without light within 60 feet of them.

MICA: Bat. Does anybody have any other suggestions of an animal that should go in and look?

TRAVIS: No, actually your idea is great. It's very low risk.

LAURA: Bat is smart.

SAM: Seems like it would fit right in.

MICA: Cool, I would like to cast--

SAM: Will you see through the bat's eyes?

MICA: With Conjure Woodland Beings, I don't.

TRAVIS: The bat comes back out and she talks to it.

SAM: Okay.

MICA: Right?

LAURA: No, you don't.

MATT: You do not, no, you just--

SAM: Are you summoning a bat or a swarm of bats?

LAURA: One bat.

SAM: I disagree with that.

MICA: At a 4th-level, I can summon--

TRAVIS: Save the 4th-level. (pigeon coos)

MICA: That's the only level I can cast it at. (coos)

TRAVIS: Oh, okay.

MICA: Yeah, I want to summon-- what's the challenge rating?

MATT: Challenge rating is zero.

MICA: Can I summon eight bats, please?

MATT: Yes, you may.

MICA: I would like to summon eight bats.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Amazing.

TRAVIS: Do they obey what you say and stuff?

MICA: Yes.

MATT: All these bats skitter and land inside the dome, where it's warm--

TRAVIS: Get out of the fucking dome! (yelling)

MICA: No, they're friends, they're friends! Then I would like to cast Speak With Animals.

MATT: All right.

MICA: I would like to say: Hello, friends, we have a special mission for you, I would like you to go into the cave, be quiet, really quiet, and I want you to see what's in there and then come back and then tell me, pretty please.

MATT: All right, double-checking one thing real fast. Perfect, yeah, Speak With Animals is not concentration. So all eight bats look at each other and back at you and go, "Okay! "Okay!" "Okay!" "Okay!"

MICA: Okay, bye, be safe!

MATT: You watch them emerge, and the wind hits and they all have to like, bear down before, but they make their way around and they all enter the cavern.

TRAVIS: Big-ass roc comes up, picks them out of the sky. Fuck.

MICA: Don't kill my bats.

TRAVIS: No no no, I don't want a roc, I don't want a roc.

MATT: About a minute and a half, two minutes pass. Three minutes pass. Then you see come around the corner. (squeaking) A bunch of these bats return and land inside, landing on your arms and shoulders.

MICA: I'm like a Disney princess, like oh.

(laughter)

Yeah, exactly!

MATT: The best Disney princess ever.

MARISHA: Fucking dope.

MICA: Covered in bats.

MATT: I love it. All right, so yeah, the bats express to you, with their rudimentary intelligence, to the best of their ability, that, "There's a room with, like, a cave across it."

MICA: Uh-huh.

MATT: "And there's some tents in there."

MICA: Oh.

MATT: "And some fuzzy people."

MICA: Oh! Fuzzy people. Okay. Then I go: Thank you, darlings! And I un-summon them.

LAURA: What'd they say?

MICA: They said that there is a room with another room, the rooms have tents and fuzzy people.

LAURA: Tents?

MICA: Tents.

TALIESIN: They didn't saw how many fuzzy people, did they?

MICA: Nope, they just said people.

LAURA: Wait, wait, wait. So the yetis live in tents?

SAM: If they're yetis.

TRAVIS: Yeah, if they're yetis.

MICA: On the plus side, no dragon. Or on the downside, no dragon.

TRAVIS: I think it's on the downside.

MARISHA: You're a fuzzy person.

TALIESIN: Am I?

MARISHA: A little.

SAM: They said that there was another cave?

MICA: Yes. There were rooms.

SAM: So there could be a further cave beyond this that the dragon is in.

TALIESIN: Deeper in.

MICA: Is that what they communicated to me?

MATT: It seems the best you can ascertain. They're bats.

SAM: This is an outer lair.

TALIESIN: All right.

SAM: We might have to surpass this one first before we get to the gooey white dragon center.

MARISHA: Unless there's just a whole other cave on the other side of the mountain.

LAURA: Oh.

TALIESIN: We'll find that out--

LAURA: Or like higher up? How tall is the mountain? Are we looking at a cave really low on the mountain and there's like, a lot of mountain?

MATT: Make an intelligence check for me.

LAURA: ♪ It's about as good as I expected ♪

MATT: Three.

LAURA: Oh, wait, that's a saving throw. Yeah, no, it's still a three.

MATT: It's fine. No, you ascertain, by Essek's communication, that this teleportation spell was successful directly.

TRAVIS: To where we said to go.

MATT: To where you said to go. So you're pretty sure this is Mythburrow, where you were looking for.

TALIESIN: We just may have to go deeper in.

SAM: Or higher up, or down below.

LAURA: That's what I mean, like--

SAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: At the very least, I think we should explore.

SAM: How wide is the mouth of the cave?

MATT: It's roughly 20-ish feet wide. 20, 25 feet wide.

LAURA: How high on the mountain is the cave comparatively to the rest of the height of the mountain?

MATT: Oh, it's, I'm going to say it's about maybe 150 feet from like the base level of most of this valley at the base of the mountain, and the mountain itself is probably, at least this range can go up to three, four, five, 6000 feet at times. Like, it's a mountain range.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MICA: If we make sure we sleep and we rest, I can turn into a giant hawk and I can go check out the mountain to see if there are other caves, if you want me to.

LAURA: I can do that, too and so can Caleb. We turn into giant eagles.

MICA: Should we go on an adventure?

SAM: You want to do that now, before bed?

LAURA: We can check out the higher up and see if there's a higher cave.

TALIESIN: Before bedtime might be a good idea. Some of us can stay here and a couple of people can do a scouting--

MARISHA: Caleb has to stay here.

LAURA: Okay, so we can go.

TRAVIS: Lots of wind, right? If the dragon happens to be out and about or whatever, then you're on your own, and in the air.

TALIESIN: Message immediately if you see anything.

LAURA: I don't think I can message if I'm an eagle, but I can dive really fast back to the dome.

SAM: And you're going to use the buddy system, right?

MICA: Buddy system, we're going to stay together.

LAURA: Mm-hmm, yeah.

TRAVIS: Sure, go for it. There doesn't seem to be any safe way to do this, so.

TALIESIN: No.

LAURA: White eagles so that, you know, we'll blend in with the snow and stuff.

MICA: I think that's a good idea.

MATT: Okay. So you're using your Wild Shape to become a white eagle and you're using--

LAURA: Polymorph.

MATT: Polymorph, all right. You both, your physical forms expand, the feathers protruding until you both are these majestic white eagles that are forced to step out of the dome, because of just the size and the space you take up, but you both glance at each other, (caws) (flapping) and begin to you make your way, pushing through the wind. With your size and your wingspan, it's not too much of a challenge for you in comparison to the bats necessarily, though it is challenging, you begin to make your way up the side of the mountain. You have a little more time than she does, but you have an hour before this spell fades.

MICA: What do we see?

MATT: Both of you guys make a perception check using the perception of a giant eagle.

LAURA: Ah, plus four.

MICA: Plus four, okay.

MATT: Because it is a giant eagle, they do, I believe, have advantage on sight, but because of the snow storm, your vision is halved, so it's just a straight roll.

MICA: It's okay, I rolled 23.

MATT: Nice.

LAURA: I rolled a 14.

MATT: A 14, okay. It's hard for you to see at this distance going up the side of the mountain, but Reani, as you scan about and make your way up, you do see a handful of other caves across the surface of the nearby mountain range, in the 40 minutes or so as you circle around. They're all fairly small.

MICA: Okay.

MATT: 10-foot, five-foot, a lot of them appear to be just natural areas where either the rock just slightly recesses in, or the entrance of the caves themselves are meant to house smaller creatures or were areas where long ago, the volcanic activity that may have formed some of these mountains had created some sort of a hole, but nothing that seems to be large enough to allow the entry and exit of something as large as the white dragon you seek.

MICA: Got it. So I guess after 40 minutes as an eagle, I shake my head and then point my head back down, like we should go back.

LAURA: We've gone as high as the mountain?

MATT: You've gone pretty close to the peak, yeah.

LAURA: I go and use my feathers and go:

(laughter)

MICA: The thumbs-up as a giant eagle. Yeah, so I guess I'll make my way back to the hut.

MATT: All right. You guys dive back down. While they're away--

TRAVIS: Fuck.

MARISHA: Oh shit. You guys are sitting there, and you hear this guttural grunting sound, and around the edge, you see roughly a nine to 10-foot tall humanoid creature. Blue-gray, thick, hide-like skin around the face and fingers, but a thick, thick, white matted fur that covers most of the body. It looks across between a man and like an albino gorilla. You see two of them come around the edge, just glancing around. They walk by. One of them leans on the dome as it pushed by and it its hand hits and uses it to push along.

MARISHA: How big did it look like?

MATT: The hand, from thumb to pinky was probably about a foot and a half, if not two. If not a little bigger. Eventually, they meander back and return to the edge of the cave where they came from.

TALIESIN: Were they just wandering? Were they wearing anything? Did they have tools or were they just wandering?

MATT: The ones that you saw wandering out weren't wearing anything. You didn't see any tools on them necessarily.

LAURA: (snickers)

TRAVIS: No bandoliers, no weapons, no spears. No rifles-- SAM: Unfrozen lawyers?

(laughter)

MATT: Unfortunately, no. Those are more to the south.

TALIESIN: No pouches with material or anything like that.

MATT: Didn't look like it.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's nice.

MATT: The eagles return.

SAM: ♪ The Hotel California ♪

TRAVIS: Looks like the yetis wandered back to where they came from? Were they smelling the air?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Right.

LAURA: Nice.

SAM: Turn back into people so we can talk to you.

LAURA: Yeah, right as I land, I'm going to like, a foot off the ground turn into Jester.

MICA: Reani also does that, but not as gracefully and trips a little bit, like catches herself.

MATT: Catches herself, perfect.

SAM: What did you discover?

LAURA: Thank you, thank you. It's really snowy and the mountain's very high.

MICA: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

LAURA: There's a couple little caves, but they're not big enough for a dragon, probably.

MICA: Unless it was a baby dragon, but I don't think it's a baby dragon.

LAURA: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I just had an idea.

MICA: Do we get to keep the baby dragon as a pet?

LAURA: Well, what if the dragon went in when he was a baby, he was, you know, the Terror in Ivory, and then he grew and couldn't get back out, and that's why nobody has seen him for 100 years.

SAM: It's a sailboat in a bottle. He can't get out! He's stuck in there!

MICA: If we can get him out, then maybe like, he'll do things to us for a favor.

LAURA: Maybe we can just ride on him.

MICA: Oh my god, do you think he'd let us?

MARISHA: (as Beau) Yeah! The Nightmare in Ivory is just a metaphor to his situation. It's his nightmare, and he's stuck in this ivory mountain.

MICA: See, he was nice the entire time.

SAM: Fjord, you're on board with this idea, aren't you?

TRAVIS: Yes. Definitely baby dragon stuck in frosty mountain.

MARISHA: (as Caleb) Ja, I'm playing two people today, and ja, I agree with them.

SAM: She gets two votes!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Caduceus has said nothing; it's not agreed upon--

TALIESIN: I just don't see the point of disagreeing with anything yet.

TRAVIS: Oh, goddamn it--

MICA: See, Pinky's on our side, we win.

TALIESIN: I will speak when I think something has particular value. I think right now it's going to be an awful lot of seeing what comes at us, and a lot of the plans we're making right now I think are going to fall apart once we hit the giant furry, pale--

MICA: Oh, fuzzy men.

TRAVIS: While you were away, two of those furry-pawed creatures that Frumpkin saw came out. About nine to 10 feet tall, white fur, bluish-gray skin.

MARISHA: (as Beau) Big fucking hands.

TRAVIS: Very large, big paws.

LAURA: Did they seem nice?

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: No.

MICA: Have the Glassblades ever seen yetis and would we know about them?

MATT: You have probably encountered these entities once or twice.

MICA: Have I probably fought them?

MATT: You've probably fought them off, or at least directed them away from individuals.

MICA: Got it.

MATT: So you are aware of the yetis, and as they describe them, you know exactly they're talking about.

MICA: Oh. Okay, so we have to kill these guys. They're not nice, they attack townspeople, and I think it'd be best if they were eradicated.

TRAVIS: So you've fought them before?

MICA: Yes.

TRAVIS: What are their weaknesses, do they have any?

(laughter)

MATT: Not too much in the way of weaknesses. They definitely do well with cold, and probably not the best means of assaulting them with anything cold-related.

LAURA: So fire is better.

MICA: They like snow and they like cold, so don't blow them with ice. Other than that, they're meat, and meat can be stabbed.

SAM: All right.

TRAVIS: Yes.

SAM: Big question is should we assault these creatures tonight, before we bed down, or tomorrow?

LAURA: I mean, it's look a whole city of them or something.

MICA: The bats only said tents. How many did you guys see?

TRAVIS: Two.

TALIESIN: Only two.

MICA: Two is easy.

TALIESIN: Probably more.

MARISHA: (as Beau) Might be a good idea. Then we get to sleep and be fully rested for the dragon.

SAM: We can draw them out with some noise, and then we can wait for them at the mouth of the cave, and when they come out, we ambush.

MARISHA: Seems like they take their patrol fairly frequently. So yeah.

MICA: What if we drew them out a few at a time?

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: I think that's a good idea.

TRAVIS: Are we able to ration our ability to attract them in that way?

LAURA: How hard were they to kill before?

MICA: How hard were they to kill before, oh great DM?

MATT: I mean, they usually, from your experience, they can be solitary or sometimes they travel in packs. Three, four, at most you've seen. They're hearty, but not impossible by any means.

MICA: But I took them down myself?

MATT: By yourself, yeah, one.

MICA: Okay.

MATT: Usually you had other Glassblades at your disposal as part of this, or you led them away into a situation where they ended up getting themselves hurt or trapped and then you managed to escape. Though you do know that they have pretty nasty claws.

MICA: Ah. I think with team work, we can take them out, but be sure not to get scratched.

SAM: I love your can-do spirit. MICA: Yeah!

TRAVIS: We need to rest tonight either way before we do anything, right?.

MICA: Agreed.

TRAVIS: Don't we, yes?

MICA: Yes.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: Also, I don't want to fight all of them and use up all of our abilities and then be on empty when we fight the dragon.

MICA: Who is feeling up to fighting at least one fuzzy man?

TALIESIN: I'm good to support.

MICA: So we draw out one fuzzy man, we see how we feel, we take a nap, we fight a dragon.

TRAVIS: I would love to have your enthusiasm, but two just came out and we did nothing.

MICA: We draw out two fuzzy men, there are one, two, three, four, five--

SAM: There's nine of us. We're the Mighty Nein.

TALIESIN: There's never actually been nine.

SAM: I'm sorry?

MICA: What?

LAURA: Just ignore, it's fine.

MICA: There's seven. One, two, three, four, five, six--

MARISHA: Just go like this, Mighty Nein!

MICA: Mighty Nein!

MARISHA: There you go, you got it now.

MICA: Okay. There's seven, and so seven versus two means we win.

TRAVIS: Look--

MICA: Two fuzzy men.

TRAVIS: We made this dome close to the entrance of the cave, so if there's a ruckus, I'm sure it will be loud.

MICA: They can't see us in the dome.

TALIESIN: We also don't have Caleb if we get into to this fight, because Caleb's got to stay in the dome.

MICA: Oh, there's six of us.

TRAVIS: Right, and I am a little bit under-equipped at the moment.

SAM: So five.

MICA: You can't fight?

TRAVIS: No, I can fight, I can fight.

LAURA: He can grapple them.

TRAVIS: I have a whip and a dagger and a glove.

MICA: A dagger can stab through meat. Fuzzy men are meat, we can fight.

MARISHA: I think it'd better if we cleared out some of this now.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

TALIESIN: There are two currently walking around.

LAURA: Did they go back in the--

MATT: They went back inside.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. What if I take the handy dandy stone that you gave me.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MICA: Oh.

LAURA: I toss it out in front of it, and then like, (growling), and that's the sound that it makes.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh. (laughter)

LAURA: Then they come out, and we can tie a rope across the thing, and then as soon as they come out, they trip, and then they're prone, and then we attack them.

TRAVIS: In the front of the cave?

LAURA: We stealthily pull a rope across--

MARISHA: Yeah, in the mouth of the cave.

MICA: In addition to this plan, I think that we take the people that want to fight the most, which seems like me and you and you and you, to help, and you and maybe sometimes you, and we go a little bit down the mountain, just enough so they can come out, and we won't disturb possibly the fuzzy men sleeping, because what if the morning we have to fight more fuzzy men, and then we have to fight a dragon, and then we all die. So I think we take out some fuzzy men now, so we don't have to take out more fuzzy men later.

MARISHA: Can Caleb hang out the hut and throws fireballs?

MATT: You can throw spells outside of the dome, but from inside, nothing can come inside.

MARISHA: (as Caleb) Ja, so, you know, if you get them close enough, you know, I can, as you all know, fire is my specialty, ha ha ha ha.

SAM: From the dome, do we have line of sight on the mouth of the cave?

MATT: No.

SAM: Great.

MATT: Because you guys made the dome on the side.

LAURA: Okay, so we bring them towards the dome.

TRAVIS: What is the range on Fireball and the other--

SAM: I think it's like 120 or something?

LAURA: So we just need to get them within sight of the dome.

MICA: We take them 119 feet down the mountain.

MARISHA: Fireball is 150 feet.

TRAVIS: Great, okay, good.

MATT: Wait, no, all other creatures and objects are barred from passing through it. Spells and other magical effects can't extend through the dome or be cast through it, so no.

TRAVIS: Fucking shit!

MATT: So he is stuck in there.

MICA: Through it or around it? Can he poke his head out and be like, "Pew pew?"

MATT: I will say if he pokes his head out, the spell ends.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, so no, he's sitting in that bitch.

MARISHA: Is it because it's like his-- can he like, no.

TRAVIS: Nope.

MATT: It's-- yeah. Otherwise, the spell would be a little too powerful.

TRAVIS: Let's try it. Let's try to lure one or two.

MICA: Green man wants to try, yay!

SAM: You seem nervous about this.

TRAVIS: I am excited.

SAM: Care for a drink?

TRAVIS: Inspired-- yes actually, I would not--

SAM: Here.

TRAVIS: Thank you. (sniffs) Ooh.

SAM: That's my breath.

LAURA: We can prep our spells, prep our attacks.

MATT: So you guys are plotting the entranceway.

MICA: I think we're plotting a little, like--

LAURA: Yeah, so what we're going to try to do is lure them.

MATT: Let me show you the layout, then, if that's what you're going to do. (cheering)

MATT: Because it'll help you strategize better.

TALIESIN: That's all we really wanted this entire time.

MICA: We just wanted to see your maps, Matt.

TALIESIN: Show me your maps.

SAM: Matt is getting us ready for combat, which is powered by Dwarven Forge. They just launched Plaguestone, a new line of sets tied to Pathfinder Second Edition-- Pathfinder Second Edition? Check it out now at Dwarvenforge.com.

LAURA and MICA: Whoa!

TRAVIS: Oh, shit!

MARISHA: That's cool, that's cool.

TALIESIN: ♪ Oh the weather outside is ♪

SAM: Whoa.

MATT: All right.

SAM: It's not me, I've only--

MICA: This is so rad!

MATT: So you guys are all situated over here.

SAM: Whoa, there's a fine powder all over it.

LAURA: Oh my gosh, Matt, this is so cool.

MICA: If I sneezed, would that make a mess?

MATT: Yes, it would.

TRAVIS: Wow, is that table salt?

MATT: No, this is actually fake snow from the hobby shop.

TRAVIS: That's awesome.

SAM: Imagine the street value.

TALIESIN: I was hooping for it.

MATT: So this is the arrangement. Here's the front of the cavern, and the mountain continues further down. This is one of the plateaus as it rises up further up this direction, but this is the entryway.

TALIESIN: Do I have a laser anymore?

MICA: How far away is that, is right here?

MATT: Each one of these is five feet, so from where you guys are here, it's about like--

TRAVIS: You know, just given the topography, if we could lure one to the edge--

MATT: About 90, 95 feet to the edge.

MICA: Yeah, we should get it to like here. We should lure it to--

MARISHA: Ja, you know, I can always recast my hut.

SAM: Oh! So you could be part of this fight?

MARISHA: I will be a part of this fight.

SAM: Well then, let's station you somewhere hidden.

MARISHA: Very far away.

SAM: 149 feet away.

TALIESIN: In the meantime, perhaps it's good to keep the hut up as a place of safety, if we need to retreat.

SAM: Setting ourselves for the ambush, right?

TALIESIN: Or if someone is knocked unconscious, we can bring them somewhere.

SAM: Okay, so Caleb will be 149 feet away, and you'll have your fire powers ready.

MARISHA: Ja.

SAM: I will be-- I will be hidden as well, and I can fire upon them when they emerge from the cave.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: When they emerge, is there any way to get them to stick or to trip or to fall? Are we doing that trip wire plan?

LAURA: I mean, we can try, yeah.

TALIESIN: I can throw some sounds.

LAURA: It'd probably be hard to see-- Me, too.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: (as Beau) Could attempt to stun them, which I will do regardless, but I'm assuming that they're pretty hearty.

LAURA: Caleb does have a lot of silver wire. We can run it along, and then they can trip and fall off the side.

MARISHA: That's true, from where he always makes his thing.

MATT: The silver thread is quite thin.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

TRAVIS: Like dental floss.

TALIESIN: I say we get them down over here.

LAURA: This is dumb, this is so dumb.

SAM: No, it's perfect.

TALIESIN: We can lure them down here, then we just have some coverage, and we can do it, and it'll take them too long to get back to the cave--

TRAVIS: The same on either side, so.

MICA: Question.

MATT: Yes.

MICA: Would this planning session count as a brief short rest, since we're just sitting in the hut and we've just been sitting for a while?

MATT: I'd allow it.

MICA: Thank you!

MATT: I'd allow it.

MICA: I just wanted my Wild Shape back so bad!

MATT: If you guys want to take the hour here, yeah, you can do that.

MICA: Bless you, DM.

TRAVIS: All right, so what are we doing?

SAM: All right, Caleb where you going to be?

MARISHA: (as Caleb) As far away as possible.

TALIESIN: Stay in the dome for now.

LAURA: Yeah, you can just drop it as soon as he crosses, he needs to, yeah.

TALIESIN: In the meantime, it's a safe place to bring--

MARISHA: (as Beau) Okay, I dig it, I'm into it.

TALIESIN: -- unconscious people, just in case.

SAM: I will call for you when they--

LAURA: Where should I toss the stone to?

SAM: -- come out.

TALIESIN: Down here, maybe. MICA: Yeah.

LAURA: To where it lures them like over here?

MICA: I think, yeah, because behind the rock, because then they're trapped behind the rock.

TRAVIS: I will stay with Caleb also, just because someone needs to watch out for him.

TALIESIN: Well, are we going to tie it to a rope and then make it move?

SAM: What are we trying to a rope?

MICA: That's smart.

TALIESIN: Because then we can start it over there and then we can reel it back in as they start to come out.

MICA: So if we throw the stone in the front of the cave and then we reel it in, so they come to here, so they're backed up against this, and then we can attack them.

LAURA: Then we hit everything--

TALIESIN: I'll hit them with Bane and you guys can hit them with some other stuff.

MICA: I can turn into a scorpion and poison then.

TALIESIN: It could be fun.

TRAVIS: Let's start--

MARISHA: That's a good plan, that's a good plan.

SAM: I like this plan. However, recall that the talking stone only says a word every five minutes. So we're going to get one word out of this thing.

TRAVIS: That's right.

LAURA: Well no, it doesn't say one word, it says a message every five minutes. So technically, I could talk for like, four and a half minutes into it, drop it, and it would make a noise every 30 seconds.

SAM: Is that true?

MATT: I'll say I'll limit it to about a minute of audio.

(laughter)

LAURA: I could talk into it for a like minute, and then every four minutes it would do something.

TALIESIN: We also have Thaumaturgy, so we can make sounds happen within 30 feet.

MICA: Once they get close.

SAM: Then we don't need the rock at all.

LAURA: We do because we can do it at a distance.

MICA: Also yetis can see things, they'll look at the rock and follow it like a dog.

MARISHA: I also have firecrackers.

TALIESIN: That might be a lot to bring too many.

MARISHA: I'm just pointing it out.

TALIESIN: We know.

LAURA: So what should I do? Like, I'm just going to maybe sound like a baby yeti or like an animal that's hurting.

TRAVIS: What does a baby yeti sound like?

TALIESIN: I'm very-- yeah.

LAURA: (baby yeti sounds)

SAM: Yeah.

MICA: Yeah.

SAM: Yeah, should it be howling, howling loud.

LAURA: (howling baby yeti sounds)

TRAVIS: What if it's like a little lower, like a little more gruff?

LAURA: (growling)

TALIESIN: Yeah, it needs a [inaudible] component.

LAURA: I'm going to talk into the stone.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: (gruff howling baby yeti sounds)

SAM: That's pretty good, actually. Are you recording right now?

MATT: All right.

SAM: Are you recording right now?

LAURA: Yeah, squeezing.

SAM: Sorry, start again.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Jesus.

SAM: Sorry.

MARISHA: Okay, everyone, quiet, everyone quiet.

SAM and MARISHA: Room tone.

(laughter)

LAURA: (brief gruff howling baby yeti sounds) I'm not going to do this for a minute.

(laughter)

SAM: Performance check?

LAURA: I was doing it pretty loud, he was probably rolling a perception check.

MATT: Yep.

SAM: Shit.

MATT: One of them begins to peek around the side there, going (grunting).

TALIESIN: I'm going to make a little bit of sound down there using Thaumaturgy, and it's going to make--

SAM: The whole plan is gone?

MATT: No spell can pass by the shell while you're inside it.

LAURA: I'm going to toss, oh god. Gimme the stone.

SAM: Don't do anything, just let it go back in the cave.

LAURA: I'm going to use the silver thread and tie it around the stone.

MATT: Okay, you tie it around the stone.

SAM: Don't do anything! Just let it go back in the cave.

LAURA: Why?

SAM: Because we're not ready for an ambush.

MARISHA: Well, we can cut it off.

MATT: It moves over to the edge there.

LAURA: I'm just going to toss it.

SAM: All right.

LAURA: I'm going to toss--

MATT: Another one comes out here.

MICA: Oh, that one looks angrier.

SAM: I'm not in posish!

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to squeeze the rock so it doesn't make noise again.

MARISHA: Let's see what they do.

MATT: They scope around a bit in the area, glance by and look off this way, and then both eventually go back inside.

SAM: Okay, now we can set our ambush.

LAURA: (groans) Okay, okay, okay. So what I need to do is come down, make the noise into the rock and then leave.

MATT: Okay, so you head down this way?

LAURA: Yeah, quietly.

MICA: Isn't the noise already in the rock?

SAM: The noise is already in the rock.

MICA: So it's just going to play in another four minutes?

LAURA: It's going to play, I already squeezed it, so if I squeeze it again will it just play the noise?

MATT: It would, yeah, unless you're resetting it.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, so you move over here and you set it down where?

LAURA: That looks good.

MATT: Okay, so you're putting the rock--

MARISHA: I'm going to get into place as well.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm going to set it down right here.

MATT: All right, so we'll say you put the rock there.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, and then where are you going?

LAURA: Going to scamper away over here.

MATT: Okay, and you hide there.

SAM: Time's ticking! I'm going to leave the dome and come out over the edge on the first platform down.

MATT: Make a stealth check.

SAM: Oh yes, yes, yes.

TALIESIN: I'm going to--

LAURA: Ooh ooh! Can I--

SAM: 27.

LAURA: Can I move and try to get here and hide behind this little outcropping?

MATT: Sure, I'll let do you that.

MARISHA: I'm going to head in the same direction as Nott.

MATT: All right. Stealth check.

SAM: I'm going to go ahead and be invisible.

MATT: Okay, you cast Invisibility on yourself, you are invisible.

MARISHA: 18.

MATT: 18, all right, where are you going?

MARISHA: Put me like right here.

MATT: Right there? You got it. Nott will be--

LAURA: You got to hide good, or else they're going to--

MARISHA: I know. Can I--

MATT: We'll say that's Nott right there.

MICA: Can I go where Beau's going?

MATT: Sure, roll a stealth check.

LAURA: Make sure they can't see you, because they're going to come and look over over the edge right here.

MICA: Oh shit, you're right.

SAM: They might even climb down the edge.

MICA: 17.

MATT: 17, okay, and you're heading over that way?

SAM: Let's not group up.

MICA: Can I go there, actually? Will I be seen if I'm like, in that outcropping?

MATT and TRAVIS: You'll find out.

MICA: Fuck. (laughter)

MATT: You knew it was coming. All right, Caduceus, Fjord, and Caleb, what are you guys doing? Caleb's staying, right?

MARISHA: (as Caleb) I will stay in the dome.

TALIESIN: I'm going to hide behind the dome. So that I can run out and sling a spell when it's time and then use it for cover.

MICA: Actually, wait, hold on, that's way too close to the stone. Can I go-- Is that possible? Like behind there.

MATT: Right there, or up here?

MICA: Like in there, yeah, in that little nook.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Cool.

LAURA: I'm going to prepare-- I'm going to prepare to Invoke Duplicity. As soon as they come out, I want to make a duplicate of Jester come around here, since it would be within--

MATT: You got it. You're situated there or to the front, or where you want?

TALIESIN: Behind, yeah, that way I can run.

MATT: We'll say you're there, all right. You guys wait a moment, that quiet, you hear the (whooshing) of the wind, and then you hear the sudden eruption of (growling).

(laughter)

As soon as the noise happens, did you want to--

LAURA: Oh, no, I'm waiting till they come out into the little--

MATT: Okay, got you.

ALL: (exaggerated growling)

MATT: These two come out once more and rush towards edge here and here, and glance down. This one begins to climb down.

MARISHA: (as Beau) I'm pressed up against the wall,

SAM: I'm pressing up against the wall.

MICA: I'm in the snow, I'm in the snow.

MATT: This one here leaps down.

MARISHA: I'm trying not to breathe.

SAM: Oh, leaps? Oh!

MICA: Makes a superhero landing.

MATT: They both turn, this one lands and they both look to the stone, and out of the corner of its eye begins to turn this direction, something caught its eye this way as it turns.

MARISHA: I jump up and I fucking punch the one in his face!

MICA: Oh my god!

LAURA: Invoke Duplicity right here.

MATT: You got it. All right, and with that, I need everyone to roll initiative. You do have a surprise attack on them, so go for it.

MARISHA: I just go right now?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to jump off, and with like a flying leap with my stick, I'm going to come down with a big slap.

MATT: All right, go for it.

SAM: Slap it.

TRAVIS: ♪ Slappy Joe, slap slappy Joe ♪

MARISHA: Yeah, it's a natural 19.

MATT: That'll hit.

MARISHA: 29.

TALIESIN: Ow.

MARISHA: Okay, nine damage and Stunning Strike.

MATT: Whew. All right.

MARISHA: Come on.

MATT: Natural 16 plus three, 19. It succeeds on the first Stunning Strike.

TRAVIS: Fucking yeti.

MARISHA: Plus three, plus three, okay, okay.

MICA: Ooh, I want the battle music.

MARISHA: 60% chance. Okay. Attack, attack. I get to go again, right?

MATT: You do, you have your second attack.

MARISHA: Ew, 13.

MATT: 13 hits.

TALIESIN: Low AC, they're big.

MARISHA: Low AC, they're big. Okay, eight damage and Stunning Strike.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: Roll lower.

MATT: That's a 16 total.

MARISHA: Nope.

MATT: Nope, resists it again.

TRAVIS: What's the save, is it 16?

MARISHA: 15 is my ki save, which sucks.

TALIESIN: I'll have Bane up soon.

MATT: You have your bonus action still.

MARISHA: Bonus action, Patient Defense.

MATT: You go into your Patient Defense, and now everyone roll initiative.

SAM: Woo!

MICA: I got 16.

MATT: 16, all right. So 25 to 20.

LAURA: 20. All right. We have Jester.

TALIESIN: Oh no.

MATT: 20 to 15?

MARISHA: 19.

MATT: 19 for Beau.

SAM: 19 for Nott.

MATT: Beau, and we'll say Nott's going to go first, because Nott has the higher dexterity. 16 for Reani.

MARISHA: (whispered) Jester.

MICA: You guys go in order, my bad.

MATT: No, it's all good. It's your first time in our battle.

MICA: I'm learning, I'm learning!

TALIESIN: Welcome to the Thunderdome.

MATT: 15 to 10?

TRAVIS: Caleb is--

MARISHA: 16 for Caleb. Sorry, sorry.

MATT: Caleb and Reani are up at the same time.

MARISHA: Beau, Caleb, Reani.

MATT: Okay. Anyone else?

TRAVIS: Four.

TALIESIN: Six.

MATT: Oh no.

MICA: Womp womp.

MATT: Cad and then Fjord.

TALIESIN: You'd think I'd have my shit together, but I don't.

MATT: Jester, you're up first.

LAURA: I'm going to cast Inf-- I'm going to run up with my duplicate, and touch its leg and cast Inflict Wounds at 2nd-level.

MATT: All righty, go ahead and roll a melee spell attack.

LAURA: 17 plus nine, 26.

MATT: That definitely hits, go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: Damn, look at all those dice.

MATT: At 2nd-level you cast it?

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: Nice.

LAURA: 16, 18. 18.

MATT: 18 points of damage.

LAURA: Necrotic.

MATT: Slick. So you watch as the duplicate rushes out. As it turns and sees Reani against the mountain, suddenly it hears this like charging of divine energy, turns around and sees the duplicate reach out, grab the leg, and suddenly watch the fur strike in like a black-gray color from where the hand grabs it. It pulls back, (roaring), trying to pull his leg away and you can see the muscle atrophy from where it contacted.

TRAVIS: Dope!

LAURA: I have my duplicate back up and act like she's defending herself.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: Nice.

MATT: All righty. You're going to stay put then, Jester?

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: All right. Nott, you're up.

SAM: I will, I assume, losing Invisibility, I will fire my crossbow bolt at the one locked in with Beau.

MATT: You got it.

SAM: Ooh, not good, 15.

MATT: You have advantage on the attack roll because it doesn't see you.

SAM: That's right, I do. That's cocked. 18.

MATT: 18 hits. Go ahead and roll damage with sneak attack.

SAM: Yeah! All right, yes. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, still working on it. (laughs) 32.

MATT: (shocked laughter) Nice!

SAM: Ah, you know what? I'll pump in the Fury of the Small.

ALL: Yeah!

SAM: 41 points of damage.

MATT: All right, as you appear out of your Invisibility screaming, fire the bolt, the creature just got pummeled by Beauregard, and then turns around, Beau gets into defense, and turns around its claws. You can now see them up close, these large, nasty looking pointed claws, its mouth is open, its teeth, (roaring) roars in your face with these burning red eyes. One of the eyes takes a crossbow bolt. (collapsing)

ALL: Oh!

MATT: And falls to the ground.

MARISHA: Oh!

MICA: Nice!

MARISHA: Amazing!

TALIESIN: Okay.

MICA: All right, all right, all right.

SAM: I will use my movement to climb back up to the next level up.

MATT: All right.

SAM: How much further can I run, half distance, right?

MATT: Yeah, this is all, although you, because of your ring I'm saying, I'm allowing to move--

SAM: Yeah, but climbing up, is that--

MATT: Oh, climbing up, sorry. From that point there is going to take you about 10 feet of movement.

SAM: Okay. Can I get close to the mouth of the cave?

MATT: Sure, you can get back 25 more feet. There is where you can get.

SAM: Tuck there, and I'm going to bonus action look down the cave and see if anyone's coming.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I don't know if I can bonus action perceive.

MATT: You don't have that ability, unfortunately.

SAM: Okay, well then I'll just bonus action crouch down, hide if I can.

MATT: You have nothing to hide behind.

SAM: Great. Then I will--

MATT: You rush up, and you're just looking inside the cavern right now.

SAM: Then I will bonus action to move and tuck myself around the corner.

MATT: There you go.

TRAVIS: Good call, good call.

MATT: You got it. All right. You do have darkvision, though.

SAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: So I'll say you do see.

LAURA: Oh god.

MICA: Hello.

SAM: Oh god, it's right there.

MICA: Oh hell no.

MATT: Rushing out, the other two are following up from behind.

LAURA: Oh god, oh god.

MATT: All right, but none of you know this, only Nott knows this. Beauregard, your turn.

MARISHA: All right, with an adrenaline kick from watching Nott kill this guy, I'm going to leap over his body and go for the one with the Jester duplicate.

MATT: Easy enough with your movement to get up next to it.

MARISHA: A-pop pop.

MATT: Rushing by the rock, it's going (growling).

(laughter)

The other yeti, go for it.

MARISHA: First attack. 15.

MATT: 15 hits.

MARISHA: That's good, that's good, 14 damage.

MATT: Nice.

MARISHA: And second attack. Yep, 21?

MATT: 21 hits.

MARISHA: And that's eight damage.

MATT: Slick.

SAM: Slick, slick.

MARISHA: I'm just going to Flurry of Blows this.

MATT: Go for it, two more strikes.

MARISHA: Yeah, those both hit with a seven and a 17.

MATT: Great.

MARISHA: Okay, that's 11 damage for the first, and nine damage, no sorry, 10 damage for the second.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: One more ki point, Stunning Strike? On that last one?

MATT: Well, I would say you don't have to.

TRAVIS: Nice!

MATT: Because you just-- between that and what Jester had done the previous round to that one, as you pummel the back of the head he falls to one knee and looks up as that final hit, you come down and crack it right square in the face as you pull your fist back, it has a smear and a bit of a trail of blood scatters across the snow as the front of its face has caved in slightly.

LAURA: Yeah!

MARISHA: Stunning Strike worked, you guys!

TALIESIN and LAURA: (shushing)

MARISHA: Sorry.

LAURA: I call over to Beau from my hiding spot. Beau, grab the stone before it makes noise again and squeeze it.

MARISHA: Okay, yeah I mean this fight's over, so.

(laughter)

MATT: Well, that's your next turn. All right, that brings us to Reani's turn.

MICA: Everybody's dead, right?

MATT: It looks like it, yeah.

MICA: Fuck, all right, then I'm going to use my turn to sneak over to where Nott is and look into the cavern.

MATT: Okay.

MICA: Yeah. And I have darkvision.

MATT: Right as you turn the corner, you can see now, stepping into the light, another one of these yetis. The fur, (growling).

MICA: Sweet.

MATT: It looks straight towards you, and you see it was following, it was looking to turn the corner.

MICA: Yeah?

MATT: It looks like it had noticed Nott rushing up into the middle of the open and was following a path until you jumped in the center.

MICA: I still have my action, right?

MATT: You do, that was just your movement.

MICA: I want to use Blight at the 4th-level.

TALIESIN: Jeez!

MATT: Okay!

MICA: I just want to see it and go: Huh!

MATT: You got it, reactionary.

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: Is that a constitution saving throw?

MICA: That is, yes, Con 16.

MATT: All right.

MICA: It's 8d8.

MATT: Rolled a natural 16, so--

MICA: So it's half.

MATT: It's half damage. Still takes damage.

MATT: Man, good rolls so far for just saving throw stuff.

MICA: Can somebody help me math?

LAURA: Yes.

MICA: Thank you.

LAURA: 16, 17, 20, 22, 23, 26, 32.

MICA: Half of 32.

MATT: All right, so that'd bring it to 16 points of necrotic damage. As you put your hands out in front of you, invoking the spell, you watch as at the base of its throat, where the fur is, that all blackens, reaches up and grabs its throat for a second and begins coughing and sputtering.

MICA: Then as my bonus action I want to summon my Flame Blade, just so I'm ready.

MARISHA: Oh, cool.

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: Flame Blade is what level spell?

MICA: I'm going to cast it at my 2nd-level.

MATT: You can't cast two spells in the same round unless one of them is a cantrip, unfortunately.

MICA: It says it's a bonus action.

MATT: It is, but that's the limitation.

MICA: Fine, then as my bonus action, I want to turn into a giant fucking scorpion.

MATT: That is definitely viable.

MICA: Yeah! Somehow that's okay.

TALIESIN: Druids: Somehow That's Okay.

MICA: Druids, we're broken.

MARISHA: I love it.

MATT: So as it turns around and coughs and looks up at you like it's vengeful, suddenly you transform into this large, dark, chitinous scorpion, claws out front, tail whipping and dripping venom. The yeti goes, and looks taken aback and a little unnerved by what it sees in front of you. Nott, this happens two feet from you, and is very unnerving.

SAM: (screaming)

MATT: You guys all hear Nott screaming on the top of the mountainside.

TALIESIN: Well, I guess that's happening.

MATT: That finishes Reani's turn, Caleb is up. Caleb sees this happen.

MARISHA: (as Caleb) Oh no, my friend is in need.

(laughter)

MATT: Caleb can see Nott, so.

MARISHA: Yeah, he can. So he's going over.

MATT: Stepping over?

MARISHA: Yeah, his 30 feet, his movement.

TALIESIN: Dropping the dome.

MATT: Okay, the dome vanishes.

MARISHA: And hopefully he, yeah.

MATT: Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, that's as far as he can get right there.

MARISHA: That's as far as he can get?

MATT: He's not a monk. I know you're used to a lot of movement. Just a regular dude.

MARISHA: He can't see anything? He can't see anything.

MATT: Right now, he can see a scorpion, he can't see--

MARISHA: I'll have him back up and hug the wall a little bit.

MATT: Okay, like there?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, that works.

SAM: Caleb, what are you doing?

MARISHA: What's going on?

SAM: There's yetis!

TRAVIS: Are you Schwarzenegger?

MARISHA: Ja!

TRAVIS: What's going on?

MARISHA: Get to the hut!

(laughter)

MATT: All righty. That finishes Caleb's turn, now it's their go.

TRAVIS: You smell like poopy!

MATT: So this yeti's going to rush up, seeing the scorpion, which has definitely distracted it, it's going to glance over in your direction and you're like, this is one thing that you noticed, you haven't really been the target of it yet, but it looks at you angrily and you feel this chill run past you. I need you to go ahead and make a constitution saving throw using the scorpion's constitution.

TRAVIS: Oh, fucking shit!

LAURA: Oh no.

MICA: It's a solid five.

MATT: Ooh, okay. The chill runs through you and you feel your body lock up, and you are paralyzed.

MICA: Cool, I love this, I'm so happy.

SAM: You know.

MATT: You know, like you do.

MICA: You know, like you do.

TRAVIS: I've got an item for that.

MATT: There it is. Paralyzed.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: You do take, in your scorpion form, 13 points of cold damage.

MICA: Oh, shit, yeah, you're right, I do.

MATT: The other yeti rushes forward, now angry at both what you did and the creature that now you've turned into before, it's going to take two claw attacks against you. Which have advantage because you are paralyzed. That's going to be a 20 to hit, does that hit your--

MICA: It does.

MATT: All right, and the second hit's going to be 13 to hit.

MICA: Does not hit.

MATT: What's the scorpion's armor class?

MICA: 15.

MATT: Nice. So yeah, the second one misses entirely. It rolled really low on the advantaged one. So the first strike, since you are paralyzed, is an automatic crit. So you do take--

TALIESIN: Um! (babbling) Can I do a thing? Am I not close enough?

MATT: You are not within 30 feet.

TALIESIN: I'm not within 30 feet, nevermind. Goddamn it. Boo.

MICA: It's all right.

TALIESIN: I know.

MICA: I'm okay.

MATT: You take 12 points of damage.

MICA: Oh, that's not bad.

MATT: Not too bad on that there.

MICA: I'm still fine.

MATT: That ends their go, Caduceus, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and skirt as close as I can to seeing what's up. Can I get on that little edge that's on the corner there?

MATT: Right here?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I don't think I want to be quite in the realm of--

MATT: You can get there.

TALIESIN: That'll do.

MATT: With your movement, that's as far as you can get.

TALIESIN: That's fine, there's so much happening here, I'm just going to use Bless on Caleb, Nott, and the scorpion.

MATT: Okay.

MICA: Reani's no longer Reani, Reani's just The Scorpion.

SAM: Are we blessed?

TALIESIN: You're blessed.

MICA: Does the blessing remove paralysis?

TALIESIN: No, but when you roll your save, you get to add a d4 to it.

SAM: Nice.

MATT: Which is nice. All right, is that your turn, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: Yeah, my bonus actions are bullshit.

MATT: Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: Yes, I am.

MATT: The dome has vanished now, your friend has turned into scorpion.

MICA: Hello.

TRAVIS: Uh. (stuttering) Yes, I will-- I am not going to do, nope, yes. I will use 30 feet. Five, 10, 15.

MATT: Five, 10, right there. So climb a bit, you have 20 feet of movement.

TRAVIS: I think I'll use another 10 feet just to come up so I can get eyes on that first--

MATT: Yep, you do have a view of it there between the edge of the cave and the mountainside and where the scorpion is.

TRAVIS: And I'll use the Glove of Blasting!

(laughter)

MATT: All righty.

SAM: (British accent) Eldritch Blast!

TRAVIS: Yes, yes, yes.

(laughter)

19.

MATT: That hits. Second one.

TRAVIS: Is an 11?

MATT: 11 misses.

TRAVIS: Okay, and the third one is a 28.

MATT: Yes, so that's two hits out of three. So 4d6 fire damage.

TRAVIS: Thank you. 4d6? I thought it was like 2d6.

MATT: It's 2d6 per hit.

TRAVIS: 2d6 per hit, okay great. So that's seven, sorry, 18, and five more for 20. 20 points of fire damage.

MATT: (roaring)

TRAVIS: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

MATT: But it felt good to fire something out of your hand.

TALIESIN: Did it seem like the fire, like bad, it seemed like it really didn't--

TRAVIS: Fire bad!

(laughter)

MATT: You have a not quite a quick glance, however you do see, and Reani, you do see as the fire hits it, its eyes do light up and it starts going like (scared grunting). The flames are still curling up and burning away the fur. It looks like it's really put off guard by the flames.

TRAVIS: Fire is good, fire is good!

SAM: Fire good.

MATT: All right, that finishes your go, Fjord?

TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: Jester, you're up.

LAURA: Oh. Okay. I'm going to send my duplicate up, and I'm assuming she doesn't have to actually make acrobatics checks to climb, she can just move. 120 feet up.

MATT: 120 feet? Can she move that far?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: That's awesome! Duplicate can move within-- Yeah, move all, she's like wee!

LAURA: Hold on, hold on, hold on, let me double-check.

MICA: This shimmery Jester like doing flips in the air.

LAURA: I think I have to keep her within 120 feet of me, maybe she can only move 30 feet. She can only move 30 feet, I'm a liar.

MATT: 15, 20, 25, I'll let her go up to there, because she can just like, float diagonally, she's not burdened by gravity.

LAURA: Okay, so she can't actually get up next to them.

MATT: No.

LAURA: Is she within, okay. Then I'm going to, with that--

MATT: Plus, you don't have visual on them, so you couldn't even cast anything through her on something if you couldn't see them.

LAURA: Then I'm going to climb up as Jester.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: For my movement. Can I see them now?

MATT: 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, you can if you get right there.

LAURA: Oh, god, would I be able to just climb to like, right here and peek my head up so I could get--

MATT: Unfortunately no, it's too high.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So you want to head over there?

TALIESIN: I feel like we're clumping.

MATT: It's up to you.

LAURA: We are definitely--

MICA: It's a doggy pile, it's fine.

MATT: What could possibly go wrong?

LAURA: Definitely clumped.

TALIESIN: Thank you, Matt. I hate it when you say these things.

MICA: The wink made it more disturbing.

TALIESIN: I know, it's so bad.

LAURA: This is awful.

TALIESIN: It makes my tummy rumble.

LAURA: Okay, well, that takes some of my choices out. I'm going to--

TALIESIN: It's not happy.

MATT: It's okay, you have wiped out half of the current threat in the first round, so.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Can't all be sunshine and roses.

LAURA: Okay, no, that's concentration, and that is also concen-- wait, is my, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I've never done this.

SAM: Never played D&D before.

LAURA: I never concentrate on a spell. Okay, okay, okay. As a spell, I'm going to cast Guiding Bolt at level four at the guy in the front.

MATT: Right there, okay, roll for an attack.

MARISHA: Vogue.

MATT: And Nott, you're on deck.

LAURA: 15 plus nine.

MATT: That definitely hits, go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: So that is Guiding Bolt, 7d6.

MICA: Yikes.

SAM: 76 points of damage.

MICA: 76, yeah.

LAURA: Ooh. 12. 14, 17. 18, 20, 24 points.

MATT: 24 points.

LAURA: Then the next attack is at advantage.

MATT: It's a very, very shiny falling corpse as you blast it in the front of its neck and chest area, where the fire is burning and now there's a concave area where the flesh has been punctured inward, and it like, tries to breathe for a second before grabbing out, putting one claw on the front of the scorpion and then falling forward and it falls limp, its hand scraping off of its armor.

MICA: If I wasn't paralyzed, I'd be disgusted.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

MICA: Like: Eh.

TALIESIN: I want to see a scorpion go, "Gross."

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Nott, your turn.

SAM: There's one more live yeti?

MATT: There is.

LAURA: Out right now.

SAM: And he can't see me or I can't see him?

MATT: You're not hidden. He saw you before and saw you run behind, but you're not currently hidden.

SAM: I'm not currently hidden, but I could be, if I bonus action hide right now.

MATT: Roll a stealth check.

SAM: All right, I will bonus action hide, tucking in to the rocks. 27.

MATT: 27, sure.

SAM: And then I will attack.

MATT: Okay, so you dart out this way to do so?

SAM: I mean, I don't know how this works, so I have to hide but then expose myself to shoot?

MATT: Kind of.

SAM: How does it work?

LAURA: Then you might get sneak attack, at least.

SAM: Yeah, but will that negate the hide, or will it--

MATT: No no no, the idea is essentially you're firing as you go out that way.

SAM: Okay. Okay, so you'll allow this?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Okay, all right, so I shoot. Ew, 13.

MATT: 13 hits.

(gasping)

SAM: Wow.

MICA: It's a big chungus.

SAM: Sneak attack.

LAURA: See, this is an occasion that you should've shaken them instead of just doing what you did.

SAM: 23 points.

LAURA: His rolls are like-- Come on.

SAM: That's all I can do. Except we are clumped, so I'll use any remaining movement I have to go to that other rock formation across the way.

MATT: Over here?

SAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Who has the ingot, by the way, at the moment?

MATT: Right there.

LAURA: Fjord.

MATT: All right, that finishes Nott's turn. Beau, you're up.

TALIESIN: The reason for the season.

SAM: Oh, I have Bless. What does Bless do?

TALIESIN: You add a d4 to your attack.

SAM: I hit anyway.

MARISHA: I pick up the TalkBack.

(laughter)

Because I said I was going to do it.

SAM: The TalkBack button?

MATT: You hear the roaring and screams and combat up top of the mountain.

MARISHA: Jester, I got it. I go up. (laughs)

MATT: Okay, so that's 10, 15, 20, 25.

MARISHA: Acrobatics.

SAM and MARISHA: Parkour.

LAURA: Hardcore parkour. Athletics usually-- it's a climbing check for these things if you want to try and push up.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: It's fine, it's just hard to go up there.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: It's also snow and ice-covered rocks.

TRAVIS: Yeah! In the middle of a storm.

MARISHA: But I'm a monk and I can walk on water, so--

MATT: Frozen water's different.

SAM: But Matt, she said parkour.

MATT: Roll an acrobatics check with disadvantage.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

TALIESIN: I'm into it.

MICA: Damn, you mess with the DM, you get the teeth.

MARISHA: Ooh!

LAURA: Did you roll a one, did you roll a one?!

MARISHA: 19 and a one.

LAURA: Oh no!

TRAVIS: You had to talk that shit!

MATT: So.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I am so excited.

MATT: Sometimes the haggle works in your favor, sometimes it doesn't. In an attempt to get to the top of the mountain without losing movement, you rush up, and as you're partway up, you barely see above the edge where your friends are. As your foot hits one edge where your momentum's been building, and your foot hits smooth ice.

TRAVIS: Hey, Beau.

MATT: Goes out, you watch her like bob up and then tumble back down.

TRAVIS: Home Alone style.

MATT: Landing prone on the stone

TALIESIN: On dead yeti.

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: You do have Slow Fall, so you do manage to like reach out into the snow and the rock, and I'll say you--

TRAVIS: Snap your forearm in the process.

MARISHA: Just knocks the air out of me.

MATT: No, you have Slow Fall, so.

TRAVIS: Oh, oh, oh.

MATT: But no, this is less the fall impact and this is more the stone, hitting stone. You take six points of bludgeoning damage.

MARISHA: Okay. Okay. I imagine just seeing a top knot and then the top knot disappears, yeah. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Who was that mysterious top knot? Anyone who's had to live through--

MATT: So that's your movement, you're prone on the ground.

MARISHA: Okay, okay.

MATT: Sorry.

TRAVIS: "Sorry."

MICA: He says sorry with a giant grin on his face.

MARISHA: It's okay, I'm two characters today.

MATT: That's true.

LIAM: Save it for Caleb.

MARISHA: I will stand up and keep trying to go up the fucking mountain.

MATT: Okay, well you don't have any more movement, so you have to use Step of the Wind to do so.

MARISHA: I have my action, I haven't--

MATT: Oh that's right, with your action you can, yes. So you can burn your action to move. So you've got 20 feet left?

TRAVIS: Please eat shit again.

MATT: 15, 20, that's as far as you get with your movement.

TRAVIS: We're just missing Macaulay Culkin to make this--

LAURA: Yeah, but you can see.

MATT: You can see. Now you have a view. There's a dead yeti on the ground. You can see like burnt, blackened fur all around its neck and head, it's face down in the snow. Behind it's one that looks partially wounded that's roaring and turning around while there's a giant scorpion just locked in place.

MARISHA: Dope.

MATT: All right, ending Beau's turn, Reani, you're up. You're paralyzed, make a saving throw.

MICA: I guess we'll add a d4, add a d4?

MATT: Add a d4 to it.

LAURA: Woo.

MICA: That's 18, 19, 20.

MATT: Yeah, you manage to shrug off the paralysis effect.

LAURA: Yes.

MICA: Fuck yeah. I'm fine. So as a giant scorpion, I have three attacks. I would like to claw, claw, sting.

MATT: It says at the end of each of its turns, but I'll allow it, why not.

MICA: I'll allow it, you'll allow it?

MATT: Go for it.

MICA: It says multi-attack.

MATT: I know, go for it. I'll let you do it.

MICA: Yay, okay. So first is a 16 to hit?

MATT: That hits.

MICA: That hits? Second is a, that hits, it's a 17 plus four.

MATT: That hits.

MICA: That hits. Then, probably not, that's three, four, five, six, seven, seven.

MATT: That does not hit, unfortunately.

MICA: Okay, so the two claws, that hits. So that's only 1d8 plus two. Here they are. Oh, yikes. Nine, nine points of claw damage. Oh, it's also grappled.

MATT: And it's grappled, okay.

MICA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: That's excellent.

MICA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: In your pincers?

MICA: In my pincers.

MATT: The tail misses as it manages to pull out of the way, but you are now holding it in place so it cannot move. All right, that finishes your turn?

MICA: Yes, but as a bonus action, I want to hiss at it.

MATT: Go for it.

MICA: (hisses)

MATT: Well done.

MICA: That's it, thank you.

MATT: Caleb, you're up.

MARISHA: (as Caleb) Ja, I'm going to move forward.

MATT: To there?

MARISHA: Ja.

TRAVIS: We're leaving tracks, that's awesome.

MARISHA: He's looking pretty-- pretty rough I'm assuming, right?

MATT: He's not looking great.

TRAVIS: Ja, get close and do something with your hands.

MARISHA: I'm going to do exactly that, Fee-yor-dih.

(laughter)

I'm going to move around and I'm going to--

TRAVIS: Is there a medic over here? She's going to implode.

MARISHA: Is that my movement?

MATT: No, you can move further if you want to.

MARISHA: Can I move forward a little bit closer to the scorpion?

MATT: There you can, right there.

MARISHA: Burning Hands.

MATT: Okay. Over this way?

MARISHA: Yeah. To try and not get the scorpion.

MATT: 15-foot, yeah, you can definitely do that.

TRAVIS: Boosh. What the fuck is Burning Hands?

TALIESIN: Burning Hands is a festival that they have, sorry. (laughter)

MATT: All right, so that's 3d6 fire damage. Dexterity save.

TRAVIS: Burning Hands and Traveler Con.

MATT: 13, I do not thinks that makes his DC.

MARISHA: Fail. Ooh, ooh! 13.

MATT: 13 points of--

MARISHA: Fire damage.

LAURA: Matthew.

MATT: Nice.

LAURA: Fjord fell from the mountain and--

MATT: Oh, that's it, it's done, sorry Fjord.

MICA: Fjord died.

MATT: Okay, thank you for the heads up on that. So the body of the already dead yeti is just immolated. It's now burning, the other one, the flames lick the front of its face and its chest, there's fire now across its shoulders and it's trying to pull back, but it's currently caught in the pincers of the scorpion, it's like (roaring).

LAURA: Oh god.

MATT: It looks pretty rough. (laughs)

SAM: Feel bad for these things.

LAURA: I know, I do too.

MARISHA: I don't know what else to do.

MATT: That's your action and your move.

MARISHA: I did the thing.

MATT: All righty, it's now the yeti's turn. Can't get away since it's grappled, it's going to attempt to its attacks against you.

MICA: That's fine.

MATT: However, it has disadvantage on them because it was hit by fire.

TRAVIS: Oh, really?

MARISHA: Ja, I knew that. That's going to be a natural one.

(laughter)

MICA: Does it punch itself in the face?

LAURA: I know, right?

MATT: Yeah, both miss. The first swing goes towards you and as it goes down, your claw actually grabs it and squeeze and you hear the wrist snap, it goes (grunting).

LAURA: Oh no, I feel bad.

MATT: It's now held in the other claw and jams down and hits the top of the head like near where the eyes are, but as it pulls back, you manage to withdraw the head slightly into the armor a bit, and it just completely misses anything of value, just scrapes across the outside of the scorpion's armor. No effect. All right, that finishes that turn, Caduceus, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm just going to step up a little bit, and just so I can get eyes on this thing, and I'm just going to do some basic, I feel like this is coming to an end. Let's just Sacred Flame this thing.

MATT: Sure. Dexterity check. That is a 15.

TALIESIN: Nope.

MATT: All right, so go ahead and do damage.

TALIESIN: That's 11 points of radiant flame damage.

MATT: How do you want to do this?

TALIESIN: I just see where it's going already and I just start from the feet up and I'm just going to roll it all way up and just pull the whole furry thing.

MATT: The red burning fire atop meets the yellow-gold burning sacred fire from underneath, and as the two meet in the center, the entire yeti is immolated in the claws of the scorpion.

TALIESIN: Shush, that's fine.

(laughter)

LAURA: Aww.

MATT: And it is no more.

LAURA: Does Caleb have to make a saving throw so he doesn't--

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: -- have a thing.

MATT: He does.

SAM and TALIESIN: No, that's only if he kills with it.

MATT: Oh no, he didn't kill it, that's right. He did not.

TALIESIN: Eyes on it, are more things coming? I'll take the rest of my movement to back up if they're still going to be coming in.

SAM: Is there another one?

TALIESIN: I don't know. I want to look.

MATT: Make a perception check. At disadvantage, because it is in darkness.

TALIESIN: (blows raspberry) 12.

MATT: You see nothing beyond probably 20 feet into the cavern where the light ends.

MARISHA: Caleb will take out his globules and send them down the cave.

MATT: All right, so as the light blobs--

MARISHA: Oh, don't judge my choices for my friend.

(laughter)

MATT: As the light globes drift inside the cavern, light up the perimeter, a moment, two moments, a few moments pass, and there are no yetis following up this band of which you have destroyed at the mouth of the cave.

MARISHA: I bring the globules back.

SAM: Excellent choice.

TALIESIN: Do we want to sneak in here and maybe take our rest in their camp?

LAURA: Yeah, it would be probably better.

MICA: Before we do that, I want to un-Wild Shape and turn around and go: See, it was easy!

SAM: You're totally right.

MARISHA: The scorpion form is awesome.

MICA: Thanks.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: You became like a crazy monster.

MICA: Yeah, it's fun, I didn't get to poison them, though, but usually that's what I like do.

TRAVIS: You know yetis, there's nothing to harvest off of them, right? Venomous fang or crazy claw, anything of worth?

MICA: You burned most of them, so there's nothing to harvest.

SAM: But they might have some stuff back at their camp.

TRAVIS: Good call.

LAURA: Yeah, let's check their tents.

TALIESIN: Let's stealthily.

TRAVIS: Yes.

LAURA: Both me and my duplicate walk up and high five you.

MICA: Yeah!

MATT: You go high five the duplicate and your hand just passes through.

MICA: Oh.

LAURA: Whiff.

MATT: So you guys are entering the cavern?

TRAVIS: Stealthily.

MATT: Stealthily, everyone roll stealth checks, please.

LAURA: Oh, let me look, let me look.

TALIESIN: Can we do this with--

LAURA: I'm out of 2nd-levels, so.

MATT: All right, so straight rolls.

LAURA: Straight rolls.

MICA: Ooh, that's a natural one.

SAM: Why don't I go ahead to the party, then?

MATT: You all decided to enter, you don't get to decide not to because you rolled poorly.

SAM: No, no, no, but I can go further into the cavern.

MATT: You can.

SAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: 14.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: 18 for Beau, 16 for Caleb.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: 32.

LAURA: 10.

TALIESIN: 10.

MICA: It's a four total.

MATT: Okay. You guys all carefully begin to make your way into the entrance of Mythburrow. So within and beyond the whipping winds lies the rocky cavern, with snow-packed stone and the veins of ice spiraling out from around the cave to span the ceiling and beyond. This oblong cave stands about 60 feet tall and about 100 feet across to the opposite end, whilst the western left-hand side of the chamber, you can see a cluster of makeshift structures made of stretched leather. Just thrown together, not, you know, great craftsmanship, but very makeshift. On the opposite end of the chamber, you can begin to see, as you bring the light into, you feel more comfortable opening the space a little bit. You can see a wide 25-foot tunnel that presses further into the mountain.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: That's Valhalla. So there's leather structures around?

MATT: Mm-hmm, to the left, western side of where you are.

SAM: I'm going to go stealthily peek into one or two of those, if I can.

MATT: Sure, all right.

SAM: Inspect or--

MATT: You can make an investigation check or a perception check, up to you.

SAM: Investigation.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: 30.

MATT: Okay!

TRAVIS: Yo.

MATT: Okay. Checking the tents, you find numerous bones of all manner of creatures, as well as a cache of frozen meat still on some bones. When I say bones, I mean probably a good 300 pounds of bones.

SAM: Whoa.

TALIESIN: That's a lot of bones.

MATT: Some look to be from creatures or elk, or other things that probably live amongst these mountains. Some look humanoid, some look larger than humanoid. It looks like whatever these things were devouring and eating to subsist, they just toss them into this back corner on the outskirts of where these tents were and then just built this graveyard of bones.

LAURA: ♪ Items in the bones ♪

MATT: You do see some basic tools. Probably what was used to construct this element here. It's very basic. It's the equivalent of like Stone Age type materials. You also see some basic weapons and traveling and climbing equipment, things that were probably left by some of the individuals that were eaten by the yeti here. You also notice there are tents here for far more than four yetis, probably about nine.

SAM: Oh.

MATT: So.

MARISHA: But they're not here?

MATT: They're not here.

SAM: They might be out hunting.

MARISHA: 100%.

SAM: Amid the bones or the basic tools, anything shiny, any buckles or anything?

MATT: Oh yeah, plenty of, like, leftover belts and a couple of brass buttons you might find from a coat that's torn, you grab a couple of those.

SAM: Yes, yes.

MATT: Yeah. Other than that, it's just the general tools and climbing equipment and what anyone would bring themselves up a mountain, essentially.

SAM: Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Yeah, no, I'm going to walk through and do Detect Magic just to--

MATT: Okay.

MATT: No Detect Magic. Nothing magical in the vicinity, unfortunately. There are daggers, swords, random odds things. Within these rudimentary stretched pieces of leather, as you're looking around, you glance up and look, and on the inside, there are very, very simple drawings. It looks to be made from dirt, or you know, the colors, there are variations in color, so it could be, you know, dirt, urine, blood, all sorts of things that could've been used, but there are pieces of artwork and such put across the inside of the stretched leather.

MARISHA: Beau will go check those out.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Can I get a story from them?

TALIESIN: You should probably clean up the bodies out front.

LAURA: I'm really good at understanding art work.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MARISHA: No, come on, art history major.

LAURA: Yeah.

(chuckling)

MARISHA: Oh, sitting next to Laura has rubbed off on you.

(laughter)

MATT: Now--

TALIESIN: Sorry.

MATT: It's okay. Sam, with your investigation check, because you rolled super high, as you guys arrive, you've already ascertained what these designs are. You can see some sort of a lizard-like creature with wings depicted in this elevated, almost god-like position, and little figures that look probably representative of the yetis that live here beneath, arms up beneath it. You can see gifts and things brought from far away to this creature, and just at a quick glance at the different pieces of artwork, you can see there's almost like a microcosm religion or some sort of a relationship of worship to this dragon creature depicted in the artwork.

SAM: We're on the right track, kiddos.

LAURA: I have an idea.

SAM: You want us to pretend to be yetis.

LAURA: Yes, but what if we cut out all of the guts from the yeti and put on the yeti suit?

SAM: Oh, yes.

TALIESIN: That's--

LAURA: Then we could walk in like a yeti.

TRAVIS: You want a tauntaun in there?

SAM: We can all be, like three of us could be in one.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We could walk in and like sit down--

MARISHA: Can't we also like, do the Polymorph thing?

SAM: Oh, oh yeah. LAURA: Oh, yeah, we could do that.

(laughter)

SAM: Wait, go back to the first idea.

MICA: I thought it was a good plan.

SAM: I still like the first idea, because we can't all Polymorph.

MATT: Polymorph only allows you to turn into beasts, if you remember.

SAM: And yetis are not--

MATT: Yetis are not considered beasts.

LAURA: Oh, see?

SAM: So we're back to plan A.

TRAVIS: No, I don't think we're there at all.

TALIESIN: I don't think that that's a--

TRAVIS: Have we looked for anything magical?

TALIESIN: There's nothing.

MICA: Will the dragon be mad we killed its friends?

SAM: It won't know yet, unless we tell it.

MARISHA: I feel like the dragon just looks at these guys as like a means to an end. I don't know, "friends" feels look a strong word for a dragon.

TALIESIN: Worshipers is the vibe I'm getting.

SAM: These creatures bring the dragon things, present it to the dragon. So we could bring an item, present it to the dragon, and now we have to get the dragon to breathe on it. What is something that you like to breathe on? What would a dragon just be like, (hissing) to? Something--

MICA: Food.

SAM: But then it would eat it.

LAURA: Yeah, but doesn't it, would it breathe with ice breath onto something it wanted to eat?

MATT: As you did read, and you did the pre-research on this, white dragons specifically enjoy freezing their prey through intense frost breath, and then eating them in their frozen state.

MICA: Oh.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: They like icicles, popsicles. They like frozen crudités, meats.

LAURA: So we like, put it on a goat or something.

SAM: Yeah, and it'll freeze the goat.

TALIESIN: Is it possible to put it beneath some offering for the dragon and then either teleport it out or grab it away and leave the meat?

LAURA: I mean, we can use Mage Hand, and try to grab it away before the dragon does it.

TRAVIS: 30 feet, though.

SAM: If we brought multiple animals, can you make multiple animals?

MICA: I can make a lot of them.

TALIESIN: And we've already got yetis.

LAURA: Caleb can, or I can turn myself into a wooly mammoth.

SAM: That's true, but what I'm saying is, if we presented as yetis, if we presented like say, four goats to the dragon, and the one in the back is the one that has our little piece of ingot in it, it's going to freeze all of them, maybe start munching on the first one, and when it gets to like number three, we just go get the last one and say, "Oh, didn't mean to give you this one, sorry, dragon," and then leave.

TALIESIN: Why do we have to steal the goat back?

SAM: Well, we need the thing that's inside it.

TALIESIN: Well, why don't we just take the thing that's inside and leave the goat?

SAM: How do we do that?

TALIESIN: Well, if it's in a pile, it doesn't have to be inside of it, it's just--

MARISHA: Maybe the goat has a really cool tag on its collar.

MICA: I can talk to the goat to make it come back.

MARISHA: Or it's a cow with a cowbell.

TALIESIN: Never go wrong with a cowbell.

LAURA: Or we can send in a wooly mammoth, and--

MARISHA: Also with a cowbell.

LAURA: Yeah, and put a cowbell on it--

TALIESIN: And let it burn the wooly mammoth.

LAURA: Yeah, and then possibly, the wooly mammoth would be able to take it, because they're pretty strong.

SAM: Even if not, you have the power to then, like, Dimension Door out of there and save yourself.

MARISHA: So wait, we're putting you up as bait?

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: But I'd be a wooly mammoth.

MICA: I can conjure a wooly mammoth.

SAM: Oh.

LAURA: What if we're both wooly mammoths?

MICA: Then it won't know what wooly mammoth to breathe on.

TALIESIN: And like, how much damage can the flame do, 100, 200 points of damage in one shot? 300? I mean, we'll be fine.

SAM: What are you talking about?

TALIESIN: That's a lot of kittens.

TRAVIS: What are points?

TALIESIN: That's one kitten, I think we've established this, haven't we?

MARISHA: One, yeah. 200 kittens.

TALIESIN: 200 kittens.

LAURA: What if the minute that, you know, the form drops, as the wooly mammoth, then I just Dimension Door away.

SAM: I like it.

TALIESIN: This seems--

SAM: I like it.

TALIESIN: This seems--

SAM: We'll be close at hand to protect her, because we will be in a yeti costume.

(laughter)

I am not getting up on this yeti costume.

MARISHA: (as Caleb) I can also make a tiny hut near the battle, ja.

(laughter)

SAM: (Arnold Schwarzenegger voice) I had to let him go.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Come with me to the hut.

TALIESIN: Dragons are a lot, though, I mean, I think we're--

SAM: Yeah, we could have a hut to retreat to.

TALIESIN: This seems like, I don't know.

SAM: It's very simple, Caleb, I mean Caduceus. You, me, and Fjord are in a yeti costume.

TALIESIN: No.

SAM: We're escorting two wooly mammoths up as tribute, the dragon freezes both wooly mammoths, one of them has our mithral on it--

LAURA: I'm going to keep an eye on the door, in case other things are coming back.

TALIESIN: They'll be very angry because there's a bunch of dead yetis out there.

LAURA: I know.

MICA: I hate to be a party, hmm?

MATT: What are you using to conjure the mammoth?

MICA: Conjure Animals.

MATT: What's the highest--

MICA: CR2.

MATT: CR2, wooly mammoths are CR6, just as a heads up. It's all good.

SAM: One mammoth.

MICA: I hate to be a party pooper, but I did counting, and there are lots of tents, and there are more tents than we killed, and if we're going to keep talking here, we should be prepared to fight or we should go outside.

MARISHA: Ja, you're actually very right. I will, as Caleb, will go to the front of the cave and he will take out his silver thread, and he will start doing--

MATT: Set up an Alarm spell around there.

TALIESIN: Hiding some of these bodies so that they're not just sitting out here.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm going to go out, because I'm really strong, and move the bodies and hide them under snow.

MATT: Okay.

MICA: Will Conjure Flame burn yeti bodies?

MATT: Over time, maybe. It'll take you probably about an hour to an hour and a half per body, because it's a lot of body, and even then, it's still going to be a charred corpse. They're not going to turn to ash, you'd need a really hot flame for that.

MICA: Can I not, like, turn up the dial on my palm?

MATT: Probably not that high.

MICA: Okay. (laughs)

MATT: You can't like, conjure a phosphorus grenade, in the middle of, with a cantrip.

MICA: I was hoping I could make like a torch, like a blue flame torch.

MATT: (scorching)

TRAVIS: From the simple weapons that Nott found, can I find a sword, just a simple sword?

MATT: Yeah, there is actually a longsword amongst there, it looks like it's cold to the touch and hasn't been poorly treated, it's a little dinged on a couple edges, but it's still very serviceable and balanced.

TRAVIS: Is that like a plus, or a plus eight versatile weapon? Or not a plus eight, but a d8?

MATT: It's just a d8, yeah.

TRAVIS: Okay, I will take that.

MATT: You got it.

LAURA: As I'm down on the ground dragging the yeti bodies into hiding, I miss Yasha a lot, because me and her were always the ones that carried heavy things.

MATT: Aww, okay.

TRAVIS: Shall we send the cat in a little further to see what's inside? See if--

TALIESIN: Perhaps put the dome up first before we do that.

MARISHA: Caleb cast the Alarm spell at the mouth of the cave.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: He'll go back inside, by the tents. We want to pop up a dome, or maybe on the other side of the tents? On the opposite side, he'll make another dome. Oh, yeah, ja, jah. Make a dome, and then Frumpkin, be stealthier this time.

(laughter)

MATT: You chuck Frumpkin into which direction, to do what?

MARISHA: Oh, deeper in the cave.

MATT: Okay. So go ahead and roll stealth for Frumpkin.

MICA: Yeet cat.

TALIESIN: I love that show.

MICA: Yeet the Cat?

(laughter)

MARISHA: Oh, it's cockapooed.

MATT: Never hurts to help.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MARISHA: Plus four. What's the cat's dex? 12.

MATT: 12, okay, and then roll a perception check with disadvantage, because there is no light.

SAM: The cat's scanning deeper in the cave?

TALIESIN: We're looking at a good CAT scan. I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me.

TRAVIS: Fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck.

MICA: What'd you do?

MARISHA: Natural one.

(groaning)

LAURA: On stealth or perception?

MARISHA: Perception.

MATT: So Frumpkin wanders further into the cavern. The chill grows more intense, and the cavern itself seems to begin to corkscrew, like it's shifting and wandering and winding. Frumpkin gets about 120 or so feet in, and has been able to really make out no details at all.

MARISHA: Okay. (snaps fingers)

MATT: Okay, you bamf Frumpkin came back.

MARISHA: I explain to them in an incredible Zemnian accent that's it's really fucking cold and about 120 feet of a journey, yeah.

LAURA: Am I back from hiding the bodies yet or am I still hiding bodies?

MATT: Is it just you?

MICA: I'm helping.

MATT: You're helping?

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. I'll say it takes you about an hour or so to properly feel comfortable with hiding the bodies. Though there is still a mess of, you know, charred gore and stuff at the face of the cave you can try and cover with snow, and that'll take a little longer.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, so an hour and a half, I'd say.

SAM: So we have it rest, we have to evade yetis who come in here.

TALIESIN: We might.

SAM: We have to still formulate a plan for--

TALIESIN: I like the idea of offering a sacrifice and then getting, I just don't think we should offer it one of us, that feels dangerous. I think we should offer it something and maybe just try and get what we need.

SAM: We don't have anything to offer it.

TALIESIN: We can make things.

SAM: We can make a small animal, right?

TALIESIN: Well how big, what's the biggest--

SAM: Can you make a cow, with a cowbell?

MICA: How big is challenge rating two?

TRAVIS: It's a dragon, doesn't it like treasure?

MATT: How big is?

MICA: Challenge rating two, like how big can I get?

MATT: Oh, for you?

MICA: Like if I'm conjuring a challenge rating two creature.

TALIESIN: We can add some stuff. MATT: Gotcha.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we have gold, we have platinum, we have--

SAM: To talk to it, you mean?

MATT: Like a brown bear is challenge rating one.

MICA: Okay.

TALIESIN: Oh.

MATT: Dire wolf is challenge rating one.

MICA: Oh! So challenge rating two would be like a--

MATT: Giant boar is a challenge rating two.

LAURA: Ooh.

MATT: Yeah.

MICA: Do you think it would like to eat a boar?

LAURA: A giant one.

MICA: A giant boar.

LAURA: That sound good.

TALIESIN: I don't know.

SAM: Well, do we want to try to buy it off?

MATT: A giant elk is challenge rating two.

MICA: Or an elk, or something hoofed, or something fuzzy.

TALIESIN: Bacon's always, I'm told--

SAM: Well, whatever you think would last the longest against ice. So what about a wintry type creature? Polar bear or some sort of--

TALIESIN: That ain't bad.

MICA: What about an ice spider queen?

SAM: Is that a thing that can resist some ice damage?

MICA: That is challenge rating two.

MATT: Is it?

MICA: 'Tis.

MATT: Then I'd allow it. Is it a beast?

SAM: Is it a beast?

LAURA: Large beast.

MATT: Yep, you got it.

SAM: So and it can resist some ice damage.

MICA: It's an ice queen, I would assume.

SAM: All right. That seems like a plan.

MICA: Can it resist cold damage?

MATT: I don't know, does it say that it has resistance on it?

TALIESIN: At the top, maybe.

MICA: Maybe the top? Resistant to cold, yes.

SAM: That's good.

TALIESIN: So really take some extra.

MICA: Do you think it wants to eat spiders?

LAURA: I mean, maybe. Anything that comes into its lair, probably.

SAM: We could put a bunch of steaks all over the spider, just in case. Like a cape of steak, a steak cape.

MATT: An ice steak spider queen.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: In the tent painting, what are they offering? What does it seem like-- what's on the altar if you're trying to work it out?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: Why investigation?

MATT: Because this is the kind of thing, this is what deducing is all about, buddy.

TRAVIS: Caducing.

MICA: I thought you said Caducing.

TALIESIN: Five, man, five.

MATT: You're not a person who appreciates a lot of fine art.

TALIESIN: To be fair, this yeti who drew this: not very talented.

MATT: No, it's not on you, it's on him.

LAURA: You could call me over, I'm just saying.

TALIESIN: Hey, Jester.

LAURA: I am good at looking at art.

TALIESIN: You are literally sitting next me saying this right now, I feel like.

LAURA: Could call me over anytime you want.

TALIESIN: Should I do it now?

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Hey Jester.

LAURA: Yeah?

TALIESIN: What do you think about this?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I don't know.

LAURA: 16.

MATT: It's not very well drawn. You're not sure.

LAURA: It's a pretty shitty drawing.

TALIESIN: That's what I said. I mean, it's what I was thinking.

LAURA: I think it's drawn with poop?

TALIESIN: (sniffing) It's too cold, I can't tell.

(laughter)

MATT: So what are you guys doing?

TALIESIN: Maybe, well, we're going to take a--

MICA: Can we take a nap?

SAM: Well, okay, but if we take a nap here, there's good odds that the yetis are going to come back.

MICA: There's an Alarm spell.

SAM: Sure, but then we have to wake up and fight them. That's okay.

TALIESIN: We don't have to wake up and fight them.

SAM: That's true.

MICA: They won't see us if we--

TALIESIN: Stay chill.

MICA: Stay at the side of the wall.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

SAM: All right.

TALIESIN: We'll know that they're home and then we can take care of it once we wake up.

SAM: All right, Caleb, do you want to make a dome inside their tent?

MARISHA: Oh, it's already done.

MATT: So you're taking a long rest on the opposite wall within the yeti cave.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: So I'm understanding that right?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: Okay, all right.

LAURA: It's made to look like rock.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Kind of trying to--

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: I just want to double-check. We want to be inside the cave for for when the tripwire goes off and lets them know that they are in the cave with us instead of outside of the cave.

LAURA: They don't hear the tripwire.

TRAVIS: No, we do, but then we're in there with them.

MICA: But they can't see us.

TALIESIN: Well, the can see us, can't they?

TRAVIS: There's a big-ass dome where there wasn't one before.

MATT: There is something new in their living space that they've never seen before on the opposite side.

TRAVIS: -- outside the cave, please?

TALIESIN: That is a fair point.

MATT: You'd have to cast it again.

MARISHA: But they can't get through the dome.

LAURA: Yeah, but it's only eight hours.

TALIESIN: Then they can go poke the dragon and say, "Hey, there's some stuff in a dome."

LAURA: Maybe we should just--

TRAVIS: What's the intelligence of a yeti, Reani? How smart?

MARISHA: I can do it one more time.

SAM: Okay, then let's go outside.

LAURA: Let's go outside, we'll put our dome--

MATT: Okay. (laughs)

LAURA: -- outside.

SAM: Where it was before.

MATT: All right, same space, you set up the dome. Caleb, you're off your game today.

(laughter)

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Yeah, before we go to sleep, I do have one thing I want to do if we're all--

MARISHA: Oh yeah, Liam has like eight things he wants to do.

MATT: Of course he does, what's he want to do?

MARISHA: He sent me a document. He wants to change the Transmuter Stone to resistance to cold damage.

MATT: Got it.

MARISHA: Then he wants to cast Identify on all of those things that spilled out of the library book.

SAM: Oh, the fucking, the two boxes and the bag or whatever.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: That came out of the page.

TRAVIS: That came out of the page of the spell--

MATT: Oh, right, yes, yes.

MARISHA: Then Leomund's Tiny Hut for the dome.

SAM: Yeah, that's not bad.

MARISHA: Yeah, that's not too bad.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Just giving him shit because I can.

MATT: No worries.

MICA: You're going to get like eight angry texts.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughter)

TRAVIS: That's a very detailed page, I got to give him credit.

SAM: It's written in German.

LAURA: Good thing you took that class.

MARISHA: Thank god.

MICA: That one class.

MARISHA: Two semesters.

LAURA: Whoa.

MATT: All right, so. Some of the things that fell out, the little box containers, one of them appears to be a snuff box.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: Second one looks to be a small, jangly container of coin, contains 25 platinum pieces.

SAM and MICA: Ooh.

MATT: The third item is a scroll case.

(gasping)

MARISHA: Oh my god, he's going to be so happy.

MATT: The scroll case does contain three specific spells.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: Greater Invisibility, Major Image, and Levitate.

LAURA: Whoa! Wait, does that mean that he can learn those spells?

MARISHA: How long does take for him to learn? Greater Invisibility, greater, something image, Major Image?

MATT: Major Image.

TRAVIS and MATT: And Levitate.

MARISHA: And Levitate.

SAM: Ooh.

MARISHA: That's sick.

LAURA: If Liam was here, he'd be so pissed that we were learning the spells. Yeah, he would be like, "You don't know what my spells are." Sorry, Liam.

SAM: We love you.

MICA: Cue angry texts.

(laughter)

MARISHA: He did say, if useful for dragon dealings, he would share. If not, he would keep it under wraps until next game.

MICA: Oh!

MATT: Welp.

TALIESIN: Well.

TRAVIS: You deemed them useful!

MARISHA: I deem them useful.

LAURA: They are useful.

MARISHA: They are.

MICA: You can levitate a dragon and then drop it. We can Greater Invisibility all of us.

TRAVIS: ♪ I think they have truesight. ♪

TALIESIN: I, yeah.

LAURA: I don't know though, but do you--

MATT: Okay, it does take two hours for each level of the spell to inscribe it, and he'll be not getting a long rest if he does that tonight, and he'll be exhausted if he doesn't sleep. So these are the things he might need to scribe down the road when he has some down time.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: But useful for dragons--

TALIESIN: The snuff box, nothing fancy about the snuff box?

MATT: You open it up and it's filled with some sort of ashy powder.

MARISHA: Do I recognize it?

MATT: Snuff.

MARISHA: Snuff?

TALIESIN: I've already burned my Detect Magic for the day.

LAURA: Oh, I might have Detect-- no wait, I have Dispel Magic.

SAM: He used Identify, he knows what it is, it's snuff.

MATT: Ash.

TRAVIS: Right.

TALIESIN: I mean, that was--

LAURA: That's true, he did use Identify, he would have known.

SAM: All right, so, we've made our hut. We're going to sleep?

TALIESIN: Fjord, if you've got a second.

TRAVIS: Yes, of course.

TALIESIN: Talk outside if a second.

TRAVIS: Sure.

MATT: You guys walk out, the light has dimmed. There's just that faint bit of silvery light that crests the white snow in the fields down below the mountain on the edge of it. Night is coming rather rapidly.

TALIESIN: I know you're having a hard time with everything, and I know you have a lot of questions. My family came originally from disciples of one god and we were given to another, and then that goddess has put us in the service of yet another. While we do worship the Wildmother, and we are clerics of the Wildmother, and followers of the Wildmother, and paladins and otherwise, I am so sorry, my bag is just going everywhere. I'm pulling things out and setting a thing up anyway, so it all works. Setting up a little thing. One of the prime-- prime tenants of what we do is we're about gift giving, and we are the Wildmother's expression of joy and bounty. I know that she has seen you, and deemed you worthy of her consideration. I'm very, very glad that she has decided to take you through this next part of your voyage towards whoever you're going to be, but part of what we do, the Clays, is about finding what's true for you, and it may be her, or it may be another deity, it, may not be, but she is here to help you become who you need to be, but you don't necessarily need to end up in her charge, and that may not be what we're trying to blossom within you. You may be a gift for another god.

TRAVIS: You said you were, you worshiped one god and then were gifted to another and then another?

TALIESIN: The Raven Queen was our original patron, the Clays, and when we asked questions about what she would want from us, she sent us to the Wildmother, and we became her-- well, we became her charges, and when we asked the Wildmother what she would have of us, we became the makers of fine gifts. Graves are gifts.

TRAVIS: Oh.

TALIESIN: Often for the living and for those who remain, but also, the gods and goddesses have to talk to each other and communicate with each other, and one of the ways that they do that is by reminding themselves that they are all part of a larger tapestry and interconnected. You can't have civilization without nature, you can't have a storm without nature, you can't have stories and dreams without civilization. All these things, they have to connect to each other, and sometimes it's about finding out where something's supposed to be. I'm casting Commune.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I'm going to let you speak to her.

TRAVIS: To who?

TALIESIN: To the Wildmother. You have three questions. The answers will be simple, just yes and no, simple positives or negatives. But if you want, and it can be-- I know we have a lot here, and if you have any questions about what we're getting into, that's fine, but I wanted to give you the opportunity of maybe clarifying something that's inside of you.

TRAVIS: Right, three questions, simple yes or no answers.

TALIESIN: Or complex yes or nos.

TRAVIS: All right.

TALIESIN: I have set up a small, little fire and I'm breathing in the incense and starting my trance.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I have felt your presence, Wildmother. Is there a reason that you intervened in my particular journey?

MATT: You carry this question on?

TALIESIN: I do.

MATT: The warmth of her presence comes and encircles you, and the biting cold of the growing night fades around both of you. Though you do not have a direct connection, there is an essence and a warmth that unexpectedly encircles your space, beyond just the small fire you've set. The answer comes through "unclear".

TALIESIN: I think it's the wrong question. I don't think that has that kind of answer.

TRAVIS: Wrong question. I miss having the ability to effect greater change by having more at my fingertips. If I were to change the way that I live, change what I focus on or do, would you be able to help me regain some sort of... standing, in a way that's similar to what I knew before?

MATT: The warmth becomes a jovial understanding, and the wind picks up slightly around you, but it's a warm wind, and you swear for a second you see a green leaf or two scatter by before vanishing into the shadow of night. The answer appears to be a definitive yes.

TALIESIN: I think so. Something akin.

TRAVIS: Oh god, I have so many more questions. Why did I ask a stupid one first? I don't know about any of this. It's all a bit overwhelming. Cities and nature and deities overlapping. Would you please do something or show me something or intervene or take agency in my life and show me how best to move towards achieving that sort of change?

TALIESIN: (chuckles)

MATT: The warmth has almost like a gentle breeze passing through the boughs of a tree, like a forest sighing, and it very much has a–

TALIESIN: I'm with it.

MATT: –playful sigh to it. The answer comes through unclear, but asking. You understand the answer, as you are a man of faith–

TALIESIN: I do.

MATT: –to know that the answer is to require faith.

TALIESIN: I mean, Fjord, I could have answered that one. What do you think this is? All of us, me, here, you, here, these people... this is intervention.

TRAVIS: Right.

TALIESIN: Eventually, some day, somebody will pray for a miracle, pray for something to save them, to whatever gods are nearby, and that prayer will be answered because you'll show up. That's how it works. That's what a champion is.

TRAVIS: How often do you talk to her?

TALIESIN: I mean, I never stop.

TRAVIS: I don't have your stuff.

TALIESIN: Even for my family, I'm a little...

TRAVIS: A little eccentric?

TALIESIN: That's a good word, yeah.

TRAVIS: Without all of that, is it still possible to talk to her?

TALIESIN: She's always listening.

TRAVIS: She is?

TALIESIN: Yeah, the answers that you get may not be the ones you want, and the answers may come in ways that you don't necessarily understand or are almost too obvious to see. The answers may be that you need to find where your power is. Where is the place that you are strongest? And nature is very big. And you are a mystery, in many ways. I think inevitably, something's going to come out and show itself within you, and that'll be the moment you know that what element of righteousness you were supposed to champion and represent. What is the thing that inspires you?

TRAVIS: I love the oceans. I always have.

TALIESIN: What do you like about the oceans?

TRAVIS: You can get lost out there. It's easy to fall away from everything else. It's calming, it's meditative, it's humbling. You're at the mercy of, well, the elements. Perhaps the greatest one on this plane.

TALIESIN: What do you dream about when your dreams are your own?

TRAVIS: It's been so long. I don't know what I dream about, but I used to remember going down to the shore and just enjoying the sound of the ocean. It would wipe out everything else. It's calming there. It's also powerful. Seeing things wash up on the shore, be pulverized, made into smaller pieces. It's relentless.

TALIESIN: Maybe when you were lost on that ship, you were heading towards something good and perfect at the bottom of the ocean, and maybe you just got caught by something that was down there hoping to catch something. Heading towards that purity, that goodness. Maybe there's still something down there that's what you're describing. And not that thing that was a corruption of it.

TRAVIS: Maybe. That reminds me, I should've asked if Uk'otoa is finished with me or not.

MARISHA: (whispered) Uk'otoa.

TALIESIN: Oh, I can answer that. No.

TRAVIS: What do you mean, no?

TALIESIN: Why would he be finished?

TRAVIS: I don't... I don't have the key or the sword, or any gifts.

TALIESIN: I think that might not be a story that's over yet. That may be something you are battling for the rest of your life. But we're going to arm you, and you're going to be fine. But no, this isn't gone. It's just sleeping.

TRAVIS: Great. Good, yes.

TALIESIN: It's good it's angry at you. Maybe it means that it fears you.

TRAVIS: Oh, mmm.

TALIESIN: Maybe it's right to.

TRAVIS: (sighs) I wish that were true. If I wanted to learn more about all these deities that seem to trade amongst us, like cards, how would I do that?

TALIESIN: Well, there's the big ones, the ones that are the big ideas. Entities that rule large swaths of the world--

TRAVIS: Yeah, I read that book when we were waiting about the Calamity and the Betrayer Gods, and all of that. Does that serve as a menu of things to choose from?

TALIESIN: Well, there's no menu, you may--

TRAVIS: Uk'otoa was not in that book.

TALIESIN: It's a very big world, and there are lots of little ideas looking for champions, and there are lots of big ideas looking for champions, and maybe something that we don't know about, like a Traveler, might come your way, or maybe a big idea will get ahold of you, I don't know.

TRAVIS: Good, good, good, yes, more unknown. I like it.

TALIESIN: You will. It'll feel good.

TRAVIS: Thank you, I know you don't have to do any of this. It's very much appreciated.

TALIESIN: I am your sign from the Wildmother. This is what I'm doing. This is what I'm supposed to do. You asked for a sign and this is it. We're going to keep doing this. We're going to keep meditating, keep looking for the thing that you need. Starting with the sword.

TRAVIS: Yes. I'm all for that. Thank you.

TALIESIN: It's worthwhile. Oh god, it got cold.

TRAVIS: I'm actually quite warm.

TALIESIN: I'm going inside. I have no meat on me.

MATT: You head inside?

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MATT: (to Fjord) You head inside? (Travis nods) Okay.

TRAVIS: I quick look out to the horizon just to see if there are any shapes–

MATT: Perception check.

TRAVIS: 20.

MATT: 20. It is dark, so disadvantage, technically. Oh, you have darkvision, so you're fine.

TRAVIS: 60.

MATT: 60 feet outside. Within 60 feet you don't see anything, other than just the perpetual storm. And the storm is perpetual. It doesn't swell. It doesn't go away. It just seems like in this proximity, there's just a constant blowing of snow in the wind.

TRAVIS: I wonder if that's because of our honored guest. I go inside.

MATT: All right. You guys all rest up for the night? Full rest? Okay, in the comfort of the dome, you take your eight hours of rest, give or take a few minutes and excursions. And as you wake up in the morning, we're going to go ahead and take a break. And pick up from there, and see where that stands, and where your morning takes you. We have our giveaway tonight. It is the black walnut dice vault from our friends at Wyrmwood. One lucky winner in the chat will get this. The keyword tonight is “celestial”. C-e-l-e-s-t-i-a--l. We'll have a winner here. Put it in once in the chat. More than once and you're disqualified. Once again, US and Canada only, excluding Quebec. We'll have you guys back here shortly and see who's the winner.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah!

(cheering)

MATT: Perfect.

Break
(upbeat music) ♪ You got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click open the web page ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you're ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In that mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It's D&D;, D&D; ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D; Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah D&D;, D&D; ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D; Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you've got your swords ♪ ♪ And you got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It's D&D;, D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; Beyond ♪ (whooshing) (eerie music) BINWIN: Hi, I'm Binwin Bronzebottom, celebrity dwarf and video game enthusiast, and this is my sidekick Crowy. CROWY: Hello. BINWIN: We're here to tell you about Idle Champions of the Forgotten Realms, a Dungeons & Dragons based strategy management game from Code Name Entertainment. They're Canadian, so you know it's good. CROWY: Let's talk about the game. Did you ever play Cookie Clicker? BINWIN: Of course not. CROWY: This game is a management game like that, but with far more emphasis on strategy, and with a flavory of D&D;'s lore and legendary heroes, you can unlock your favorite champions, like Farideh from Erin M. Evans' Brimstone Angels saga, Minsc and Boo from Baldur's Gate, and the fourth and final member of Acquisitions Incorporated The C-Team, Amy Falcone's Walnut Dankgrass. BINWIN: The K is silent. CROWY: Create the best adventuring party possible based on formation options, your character's ability, and the obstacles and enemies you face. BINWIN: Or you just randomly click on things like I do and hope for the best. CROWY: You can click on enemies to assist your champions, or you can set 'em up and walk away and let 'em do their thing, it's entirely up to you. BINWIN: I'm playing on the toilet right now. CROWY: Why wouldn't you be? Idle Champions is available on all your favorite gaming platforms, including tablets, for the low, low price of free. So download it now. BINWIN: End it with joke. CROWY: You're not supposed to read that. BINWIN: It says "end with joke." CROWY: No, we're supposed to come up with a joke to go with where it says "end with joke." BINWIN: Oh, I don't know, "end with joke" is pretty funny. CROWY: Wait, on three, ready? BINWIN: Yeah. CROWY: One, two, three. BOTH: End with joke. (laughter) BINWIN: I think it's funny, very funny. BRIAN (V.O.): Last time, on Talks Machina. MICA: I've always like, loved role play, because I have an acting major, so I've loved the improv and stuff like that for ages, and so the fact that D&D; is just like, all the things I love, fantasy, improv, like dice. Love dice, oh my god! I have an addiction to them. BRIAN: Yeah, I couldn't tell, because I watched it on a very small device. How much dice did you bring with you, because there was obviously a reaction from Laura. MICA: I only brought, like, a fourth of my dice collection. BRIAN: For real? MICA: A good chonky set of them, but it was all my prettiest ones. So I picked through the night before Critical Role. It was like my first day of school, I was like, I got to get my dice ready, I got to get my outfit ready. BRIAN: My highlighters, my binder. MICA: I got to get my Trapper Keeper and all of that. So I picked all my prettiest dice and I brought it with me. MARISHA: It's been very difficult to separate Beau's feelings from mine, because you know when Travis, when Ashley was playing a barbarian in those early games, and Travis kept being like, "My child." BRIAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. MARISHA: So I have similar like druid vibes. Especially when you were talking about curling up as a dog, because I used to do that as Minxy. MICA: No way, oh my god! MARISHA: Uh-huh! MARISHA: I'd go into my animal forms, and then you were like, "It's so comfy," and I was like-- MICA: It is so comfy. You get it! MARISHA: She knows. So yeah, so I keep being like (gasps). (groaning) Because I think Beau is-- she finds you very endearing and charming, but also Beau kind of thinks Reani might be a psycho. MICA: Valid. MARISHA: So that's kind of where she is. MICA: New poisons open up new opportunities, like-- BRIAN: I've been saying that for years. MICA: Right? You know. Fast-acting poisons, slow-acting poisons, gross poisons, like Game of Thrones poisons where it's like ooh, purple face, like really painful. BRIAN: Retirement home poisons. MICA: Retirement home poisons, mothballs. BRIAN: Puddin' poisons. MICA: Puddin' poisons. You can get frozen poisons, give it to them in the Otter Pop, exactly. BRIAN: I mean, we don't really, those are made from otters, right? MICA: Yeah, absolutely, ground up otters. BRIAN: Wow, dirty. DANI: Wow. BRIAN: How do you grind 'em up, in a blender? MICA: No, in one of those wood chippers. MARISHA: Poor otters! No, it's all comes full circle! MICA: That's what their slick bodies are for. BRIAN: Like a New York City trash bag into the back of the thing, just-- MARISHA: That's what the woodcutter otters are! MICA: They're just Otter Pops. They're otter pops! MARISHA: Matt was highly complimentary of you, by the way, before we even got on the show-- MICA: Cue me crying. MARISHA: Because you apparently sent in a four-page backstory. MICA: I did, yeah. BRIAN: Jesus Christ, good for you. MARISHA: Matt, in the way that he does, just came careening out of his office in our room and he went, "I love Mica Burton." (laughter) BRIAN: CritRole.com slash submit. Rules for our contest are available at CritRole.com, that's our website. Why are you making that face? MARISHA: She doesn't, I'm living-- MICA: No one told me. MARISHA: No one told her about-- BRIAN: Wait, do it again, do it again, make it, wait, wait, no, have Mica do it. MARISHA: Slash. MICA: Oh, wait, wait, wait. All right, are you ready, are you ready? BRIAN: Yeah, look at that camera. MICA: Ah! Yeah! BRIAN: Our winner for this week was sent in by @Koalois. Wait, oh it says pronounced Koalois? I did it! (clapping) DANI: Did you do it? BRIAN: I fucking think I did it. DANI: Am I proud of you for once? BRIAN: Well, that's it folks, I'm leaving. MARISHA: I wish we had a balloon drop just waiting for so long, like we know. DANI: Marisha, you wanted a balloon drop for so long. MARISHA: It keeps coming up. MICA: Whoa! MARISHA: That's it, that's the celebration we needed. BRIAN: Photo by @AmynTheOutcast on Instagram, let's take a look. DANI: Hey, it's Jester! MARISHA: Oh my goodness. MICA: I'm 99% sure I know exactly where that was taken. BRIAN: Where? MARISHA: Really? MICA: Colossal Con, at the Kalahari, because I have photos in that field. I know exactly where that is. BRIAN: Jesus. MICA: I probably passed that cosplayer at the con. DANI: Also, she looks amazing. MICA: She looks amazing, are you kidding me? DANI: Oh no. BRIAN: Wait look, this is how small it is, it fits right between my fingers. MICA: So tiny, look at the tiny man. BRIAN: Look at the tiny man. MICA: He looks like he's seen too much. BRIAN: He has seen too, oh! Wow. MICA: What? I'm sorry, what? MARISHA: We're big sports fans on this network. MICA: Oh my god, I love sportsball. When you have the things with the uprights, and then you put-- MARISHA: And then you-- BRIAN: Mica, take a look at that camera right there. Hi camera. BRIAN: And say "it's breaking news." MICA: It's breaking news. ALL: Hey! (laughter) MICA: That's so good, oh my god! DANI: Did we put a Brian in a fucking-- BRIAN: No, that wasn't me. MARISHA: Yeah, it was. BRIAN: That was Tom Brady or Brad Pitt or one of those guys who looks like me. MICA: That was Brad Pitt. DANI: Oh no. BRIAN: Is that me? MICA: That's you. BRIAN: Damn it! (upbeat music) BRIAN: What do the Critters in the other 'verses say about me? ASHLEY: "Shut up, you emaciated bitch!" LIAM: "String bean!" BRITTANY: "Bean pole!" LIAM: "You sandwich-sized Ziploc full of shit." ASHLEY: "You moldy, rusted spit can." LIAM: "You ignorant, disgusting waste of blood cells. "You're so fucking stupid, you couldn't "track a giraffe in snow." BRITTANY: "You re-animated trash heap!" LIAM: "You disowned Olsen twin." BRIAN: That doesn't sound appealing at all. SAM: "Yes, not appealing, just like your shovel mouth, "you ugly little dirt merchant." TRAVIS: Oh. (laughter) TRAVIS: Shovel mouth, dirt merchant? LIAM: "I've never been happier to see your "chiseled, handsome face, chosen one, "and your dried-up cow shit excuse for a mug too, chestnut." TRAVIS: Oh no. BRIAN: But if Travis is the chosen one, what does that make me? BRITTANY: "A liability." (laughter) MARISHA: "That's the liability." ASHLEY: Oh, god. MARISHA: "He's a disgusting man with flesh-colored beard. "He'll probably die alone because no one wants to "hitch their wagon to a two-legged horse "with macular degeneration and permanent resting bitch face." ASHLEY: Oh, that is harsh! Man, he sounds like a trough filled with shit. SAM: "And remember, this isn't me saying this. "They say a tether ball's pole's "got more meat on it than you. "That you're a malnourished, dried up "volleyball-looking little fuck." (laughter) "Once again, keep in mind, this is not me, "I am merely just a messenger of the many bards "across the lands." TRAVIS: I don't believe this. BRIAN: Okay, okay. Do all the critters hate me? TRAVIS: I think so. I am in their good graces, being the chosen one. You, however, (clears throat) are a piece of shit. (mysterious music) TALIESIN: A lonely tavern set, strangely absent of streaming content, its patrons waiting for a way to reach their Critical Role content. Travelers waiting to board the subscription train. Through a twisting series of tubes and satellite waves, we here at Critical Role deliver digital content in the form of what society has come to know as "shows." If you would like to view these "shows" on demand after the live premiere, you need to enter the shadow land known as The Twitch Subscription Zone. It is simple to subscribe, but there are many paths one may take. This Gordian Knot can easily be cut with a credit card. However, if one has an Amazon Prime account, you are guaranteed one free Twitch subscription a month to the channel of your choosing. But remember, freedom demands agency. For Twitch Prime subscriptions do not auto-renew, and you must resubscribe each month. For those already in the subscription zone who want to spread their fortune, you can gift tickets to the sub train by invoking the gift a sub button on Twitch. Yes, join us, there's plenty more room for Critters in the shadow land. We here at Critical Role want to say thank you to our esteemed subscribers, and hope you enjoy as much of our content as you can consume, including our emojis by ArseQueef. And so ends another inexplicable journey, a twisted car ride shrouded in fog with your high beams on. A complicated parody promo. The Twitch Subscription Zone. Subscribe. You need to subscribe. Twitch Prime subscribe. Gift subscribe. Subscribe. (dramatic music)

Part II
MATT: And welcome back. Aww, almost. Almost. So we have our winner of our Wyrmwood giveaway. The winner is Moonsstorm, with two S's, Moonsstorm, congratulations. We'll get you your victory Wyrmwood dice tray ASAP. Now, in the interim, Mighty Nein, you come to consciousness within the cavern after a long rest within the eight hours that you've rested, which was not long after the sun set. It is still dark.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MATT: The sun hasn't quite risen yet when you come to your point of full rest. The dome fades, because it only lasts for eight hours, so it lasts for the length of the long rest. The chill creeps in in the darkened shadow lightless interior of the cavern. What would you like to do?

LAURA: Oh, no, we're outside of the cavern.

MATT: That's right, on the outskirts.

TRAVIS: Even colder.

MATT: Much colder now.

MICA: So first I Produce Flame so everybody can huddle around it.

LAURA: People can see it though, it's dark, it's dark!

MICA: Oh, sh-- just kidding.

LAURA: (pigeon cooing) I pull out the rod and just pass the Rod of Warmth around from person to person.

TRAVIS: Grab the rod, all hands on the rad.

MATT: Warm, warm, pass, warm, warm, all right. All of you desperately clinging to a semblance of body heat. Thankfully, like you said, you brought some furs with you and prepared yourself for the journey, but it's still fucking cold.

MICA: Question.

MATT: Yes.

MICA: Was the tripwire alert spell still up? Do we know if yetis--

MATT: It did not trip in the evening's...

MARISHA: All right, are we doing this yeti costume idea?

TRAVIS: No.

MICA: Can I send in more bats first to see if there's a dragon? Please? Pretty please?

SAM: Let's get a little further in first.

TRAVIS: It's occurred to me that since they didn't come in the night, those missing yeti are probably the dragon's dinner.

LAURA: Did you fart?

TRAVIS: No.

SAM: It sounded like it.

TRAVIS: No, it's the chair.

MARISHA: Sorry, Fjord.

SAM: You're trying to do it again, but it's not doing it.

TRAVIS: I wish it would. It totally sounds like I farted.

SAM: Because it was a fart is why.

TRAVIS: Oh, god!

MARISHA: We've been on Caduceus's mushroom diet. It's fine.

SAM: You can't re-create it because it was a legitimate fart.

TRAVIS: Shit. I've got to fart before the end of this episode. Shit. Fuck. Please.

MATT: So, what would you guys like to do?

LAURA: We should sneak into the cave again?

MATT: Everyone roll stealth checks, please, as you enter the cavern. In shadow.

LAURA: Should I Pass Without a Trace us?

MARISHA: What the fuck is wrong with me today?

SAM: Not till we get closer.

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

MATT: Beauregard?

MARISHA: One for Beauregard–

MATT: Okay, those cancel out.

MARISHA: –and 18 for Caleb.

SAM: 31.

MATT: 31. 18.

LAURA: 10.

MICA: 11.

TALIESIN: Natural 20.

MATT: Okay. That came in clutch, okay. You guys quietly enter the cavern, the distant, faint element of early morning sunrise blue beginning to crest on the horizon towards the east. You make your way into the shadowed yeti cavern.

MARISHA: (laughing) Still trying.

SAM: He can't do it.

MARISHA: He can't. He can't let it rest.

MATT: Passing within the shadow. Sorry, I didn't mean to use the word passing, I know it's a sensitive word.

(laughter)

It looks like they have not returned, wherever these yeti may have been. There is the larger, further end of the cavern to explore, what would you guys like to do?

SAM: All right, one more recap of the plan. You turn in to a wooly mammoth.

LAURA: Yes.

SAM: You're holding the mithral in your somewhere.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm going to hold it in my trunk.

SAM: Oh wait, no, no, no, what am I saying? No no, you're doing a queen spider.

MICA: Or a spider.

SAM: Yeah, you're going to be a queen ice spider, and you're going to have the mithral.

MICA: No!

LAURA: She's summoning an ice spider.

MICA: I'm summoning a spider, and we're putting it around the spider's neck, and then it goes in.

SAM: Okay, great.

MICA: Okay.

SAM: But it's just going to walk in, we need someone to present it.

MICA: That's where the mammoth comes, or the yeti.

SAM: We don't have it yet.

LAURA: We're not going to do the yeti costume.

SAM: I think we need to do the yeti costume. Unless you want to do Disguise Self and be the smallest yeti history.

TRAVIS: I can't do that. SAM: Oh.

LAURA: I can!

SAM: I can. We'll be very small yetis.

TALIESIN: Can dragons see through illusions, though?

SAM: Should I sit on your shoulder?

LAURA: Then we could disguise ourselves as like--

SAM: I could be the top half.

LAURA: And I'll be the bottom half of the yeti? Let's do it.

TRAVIS: Who knows dragons really well?

MARISHA: Would I have read if dragons can see through illusions or bad body puppets?

MATT: They don't specifically refer to those topics, usually that's involved in the cognitive capabilities of a dragon. Take that as you will.

TRAVIS: Normal people will normally see--

MARISHA: That it's a kigurumi?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: No no no, me and Nott are going to disguise ourselves as a bottom half of a yeti and the top half of a yeti.

MARISHA: Oh wait, you're combining--

MATT: Your disguises have to still be humanoid in form. You can't be half a humanoid with Disguise Self.

SAM: Which is why we need a yeti skin--

TALIESIN: They are all gone.

SAM: -- to wear. What do you mean they're gone?

TALIESIN: We set them all on fire.

MICA: No, we didn't.

LAURA: I buried them.

MATT: You didn't burn them all, you buried them.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay, we buried them.

MATT: The discussion was that the fire would take too long to dispose of the bodies.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

LAURA: But they're probably rather frozen right now. They'd be hard to open up.

MICA: I could warm them up.

TALIESIN: Do you know how to make a yeti costume?

TRAVIS: You know there is an option of just offering food and paying this dragon handsomely in treasure.

MARISHA: I mean, I spent a lot of money on a teleportation--

LAURA: That's what I was saying, I could send a message to the dragon and see if they would just do it. Why is, I can do that and see.

SAM: And if they say no, then we're... fjucked.

LAURA: Well, no, what if I pretend like I'm really far away, and I'll be like, “I'm across the planet from you, but I heard of how amazing you are. Can you breathe on some mythril for me? I'll give you shit.”

TRAVIS: Do it.

LAURA: I think that's under 25 words, what I just said.

TRAVIS: I'm ready, let's go.

SAM: I don't think this is a good–

MICA: What's the worst he can say? No.

SAM: Yes.

MICA: And then that's it.

MARISHA: And then we–

MICA: And then we go with Plan B which is yeti costume.

SAM: No, no, no. Once you send a message saying, “Hey, brace yourself for some mythril and money soon,” and then half of a yeti walks in five minutes later? Holding–?

MATT: To help cut through some of the confusion, Message does require you to be familiar with the creature.

LAURA: I am! His name is Nightmare in Ivory. It's a dragon--

MATT: You are aware of it. I don't know if I would be considering this familiar.

LAURA: Oh, man!

MICA: Question. If my bats echo-locate around the dragon and then I describe it, would that then be familiar?

MATT: For the bats.

MICA: Shit.

LAURA: Let's just send in an ice spider queen with some mithral around, and then you know what? We can make ourselves look like a yeti, but we'll stay far away and we'll just wave in like the shadow and be like, There's some shit!

SAM: If I stood far enough away, I'd look like, I'm a big regular-sized yeti, we're just far, far away.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: Are we sending the bats in first to do a little recon or no?

MICA: I can do that.

MARISHA: (as Caleb) I can also always send in my shitty cat, Frumpkin, that fucking fails at everything.

SAM: Caleb, that's your cat!

MARISHA: Oh, sorry, I love him so much.

TRAVIS: The bats are a bit more potentially native to this area, aside from an orange, tawny cat.

MICA: Also they can see in the dark and the cat cannot.

LAURA: That's true.

TRAVIS: Yeah. So maybe we send--

MARISHA: Fucking.

(laughter)

MATT: Aggressively un-summon your familiar.

MICA: She just throws Frumpkin and it disappears.

MATT: Doesn't do well on YouTube these days.

SAM: Go ahead and send in the bats, but I'm going to still push one more time for the yeti costume.

TRAVIS: I'm not saying no anymore.

MICA: The yeti costume can come after the bats.

SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah, send in the bats.

MICA: Okay, on that note.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: ♪ Send in the bats ♪

(laughter)

MATT: You resummon and send in a cluster of bats?

MICA: Yes. I re-summon, I Conjure Woodland Beings, it's like a huge cluster. I tell them the same spiel.

MATT: They make their way deeper into the cavern. They head their way through the 25 foot wide entrance, they follow the corkscrew spiral, they disappear for a bit. In about 10 or so minutes they return.

TRAVIS: All of them?

MICA: I cast Speak with Animals.

MATT: All of them. They impart to you the information of, “The cave kind of goes around, and there's a lot of ice. It's really cold. Then it goes straight up. And then there's a tall bit, and then there's a little bit forward again, and then there's a wall of ice.”

MICA: Did you not see a dragon?

MATT: “No.”

MICA: Oh. And how tall is far up? Like how many flaps?

MATT: They all start quietly flapping to themselves trying to count. “A lot.”

MICA: A lot of flaps. Okay. Thank you, everyone.

MATT: They have an intelligence of two. I don't know.

MICA: I un-summon them.

TRAVIS: They can barely talk.

MICA: So, there's a hallway. It goes around and around, and then it goes straight up. The bat said it took a lot of flaps, not so sure how many, and then there's a wall of ice. No dragon.

LAURA: I bet the dragon is behind the wall of ice.

SAM: Of course.

TALIESIN: Of course.

MARISHA: That does further go towards our theory that he got trapped here as a baby.

TRAVIS: Oh god.

SAM: Listen to this, no yeti can climb up a thing and then bust through a wall of ice, so if they're bringing these gifts, they're probably setting it at the bottom of the tunnel or the shaft.

LAURA: Or maybe there's a pulley system! Maybe there's like a basket and--

SAM: No, there's no pulley system.

LAURA: I bet there is, I bet there's something you can set something in and then pull it all the way to the top and let it be up there.

SAM: Negative. I'll bet you five gold.

LAURA: Then I think it doesn't matter, we should still try to send in the ice spider and have it get breathed on.

SAM: Of course, agreed.

LAURA: Let's just head up there.

SAM: The only question is: Do we need a yeti to bring it and leave it?

LAURA: Ooh. No.

SAM: Okay, that's fine.

MARISHA: I think as long as, wait, can anyone cast Invisibility on me?

SAM: Yes, I can.

MARISHA: You can?

SAM: Yes, I can.

MARISHA: Can you do it to you, too?

SAM: Not at the same time, but that's okay.

MATT: You can if it's a higher level.

SAM: I don't think I have any higher levels.

MATT: A 3rd-level spell? You don't have 3rd-level yet? Yeah, then no, so you can only do it to one.

MARISHA: Can I do that?

MATT: I don't think Caleb has access to it yet.

MARISHA: Nope.

TRAVIS: Who goes in the yeti outfit?

SAM: Caduceus for the body.

TRAVIS: Are you volunteering for this?

SAM: Me for the head, Jester for the arms.

TALIESIN: What?

TRAVIS: We're going to lose three of you to this idea?

SAM: Lose? You can go in there, you're pretty dextrous.

TALIESIN: I don't really understand, well, you know what? For the moment, I'm going to be on board with this because I don't actually think it's going to get that far.

TRAVIS: Stop doing that, no, don't give in! Reason, rationale!

TALIESIN: I'm not giving in, I'm simply going with the flow.

LAURA: Or maybe it'll be a baby yeti.

SAM: You know what, if we're leaving a present at the bottom of the shaft, then it doesn't matter. The dragon's not going to see us.

MICA: What if the dragon's never seen a yeti and this whole point is moot?

SAM: We'll just bring the spider, leave it, make some noise like arr, and we'll leave.

MICA: Jester's so good at yeti noises.

LAURA: I am, I'm really good at it.

TRAVIS: Has it changed since yesterday?

LAURA: I was being a baby yeti.

TRAVIS: Oh. What does a real yeti sound like?

LAURA: (growling) Roar! (strangled growling) That was the one dying from fire, though. That was its death gurgles.

SAM: We can just make a loud sound.

TRAVIS: I am here for this plan.

SAM: All right.

MARISHA: Looser Caduceus.

LAURA: We should check for traps as we go up, I bet the dragon has set a lot of traps at the corkscrew and the thing.

TALIESIN: Figuring out my spells, but yeah, all right.

LAURA: Oh shit, good call.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

SAM: ♪ I'm going to get my drink on. ♪

TALIESIN: That's why I'm staring at my thing right now.

MARISHA: So wait, you're pro-yeti costume until the rest of the group isn't yeti costume?

TALIESIN: It's not that I'm pro yeti costume, I'm just a deep believer in learning through failure.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

TALIESIN: I figure this'll end when they figure out they can't make a yeti costume, because I've never seen any of these people sew before, and I know I can sew a bit, but I'm not going to--

LAURA: I'm not saying we have to sew, I'm saying, Caduceus, we can cut one of the yetis up--

TRAVIS: No, no, no.

LAURA: All of its insides out, just skin it basically, and then just wear--

TRAVIS: No.

TALIESIN: We've had to do some of this before, it's just not that easy.

SAM: All right, forget about it. Let's just go.

TALIESIN: All the parts are stuck together.

LAURA: Oh. I didn't think about that.

TALIESIN: Yeah, no, it's not just like a pocket with a zipper on the back.

(laughter)

MARISHA: On paper--

TALIESIN: Would that it were.

MARISHA: -- this is a great plan, I just want to point it out.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Trying to paint that picture in my head--

SAM: -- stealthily into the tunnel.

MICA: Am I summoning the spider?

SAM: Not until we get closer.

TALIESIN: Well, I mean, is the spider friendly or is it--

MICA: It's my spider, so it listens to me.

TALIESIN: How long is the spider alive?

MICA: Up to one hour.

TALIESIN: Well, we'll get a little further. Could be good to have a spider friend.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: (as Caleb) I will cast Mage Armor on myself.

MATT: Okay, so Caleb gets Mage Armor.

MARISHA: Minor stealthing.

MATT: Got it.

MATT: You guys all progressing further into the cavern?

TALIESIN: Sure.

SAM: Yes.

MATT: With a light source or not? Because it is pitch black in this cave, and currently, only three of you do not have darkvision.

LAURA: You could do the globules, they're pretty faint.

MARISHA: Ja. Do we want the light?

SAM and MARISHA: Jah.

LAURA: Should I have Sending today, do you think we're going to need it?

SAM: Maybe if we need Essek.

LAURA: We won't though, we have, oh, if Caleb dies, though.

SAM: Caleb's not going to die, we're not going to let Caleb die.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to not have it.

TRAVIS: Wait, did we cast the dome to run back into?

SAM: When we get closer, possibly?

LAURA: Yeah, when we get closer.

TRAVIS: If we manage to get closer.

(laughter)

MATT: I like the way you think.

MICA: Oh.

MATT: No. All right, so are you summoning the globes of light?

MARISHA: Foomph, foomph, foomph.

MATT: All right. Traveling with you, ahead of you, what's the plan?

MARISHA: Who's up front?

SAM: How about some darkvisions up front and the globules can be just behind.

TALIESIN: In the back, with the blind people.

MATT: Okay, so the marching order is--

SAM: I'll go first.

MARISHA: I'll go behind Nott.

LAURA: I'll go behind Beau.

TRAVIS: It takes one minute to cast the dome.

MICA: I can go behind Jester.

MATT: All right, Jester.

LAURA: Takes a minute.

MATT: Then we have Caleb, Fjord, and Caduceus. Who's– in what order?

TALIESIN: I'll take the back and I'll just keep an eye on--

MARISHA: Oh, leave it, perfectly, they're ordered from height.

MICA: Oh!

MARISHA: It's amazing.

MATT: That's pretty great.

TALIESIN: So I can keep an eye on the back, I'll be focusing where the light is.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Can do, like, Fluffernutter and it gets hit with it. If we need [inaudible] on the way out.

TALIESIN: Perfect.

MICA: Oh, scary cave music.

MATT: Oh, it's fine.

TALIESIN: He does this.

TRAVIS: Could be chanting, meditative cave music.

MATT: So you guys begin to enter, slowly making your way into this extended tunnel towards the back. You're at the front there, Nott. What are you doing?

SAM: I'm going to take a big swig.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And slowly proceed ahead, just checking for traps as I go.

MATT: Okay. You continue forward. The temperature is increasingly colder. As you begin to step a few feet into this cavern, you can see your breath is extremely visible, and as you're quietly making your way through, you hear this faint tinking sound around you that you begin to realize is the sound of the faint bit of moisture in your breath freezing and then shattering on the ground.

SAM: It's cold.

MATT: Your noses and ears begin to go numb. It is freezing cold. Go ahead and make an investigation check.

SAM: Oh.

TRAVIS: I don't think we can touch the walls--

SAM: 14.

TRAVIS: --without your body freezing to it.

MATT: 14, okay. Seems to be safe. You continue on for about 30, 40 or so feet carefully. Make another check as you progress forward.

SAM: Even worse, 13.

MATT: 13, no.

SAM: I'm getting scared, I'm going to take another swig.

MATT: Okay. Continuing on, the tunnel begins to shift upward and curve at the upper part of the spiral. You move a little slower as you guys are having to, in the slight incline, make sure you don't slip, as it is relatively slick here. The light, as it pushes through, you can see it gleams across the ice surrounding you, the little bit of modicum of light you carry. Go ahead and try again.

SAM: (exhales) 17.

MATT: 17, okay. You don't notice any traps. You continue moving. You begin to see these unique pillars, like stalagmites of ice appearing in different areas as you guys push through and continue forward for another 30 or so feet. What are you doing?

SAM: Roll again?

MATT: If you want to check again, yeah.

TRAVIS: (unintelligible sounds of horror)

ALL: What?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Mm! Are they--

SAM: You can talk, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Yes, are there two on either side of the pathway that we're walking down?

MATT: They're a little more scattered. You see right now currently probably like four of them with the light you have, and there's like one immediately to your left, two off to the right up there, and there's one that's just out of range from the faint bit of light that's giving you darkvision.

TRAVIS: Are they all about the same size, or different sizes?

MATT: Different sizes, but they're all about like six, seven feet in height.

TRAVIS: You should inspect them.

SAM: All right.

TRAVIS: I don't know if those are stalagmites.

MATT: Make a perception or investigation check. Your call.

SAM: I'll take–

TRAVIS: I'll do it if you--

SAM: No, no, I'll do it. I'll take one more swig first.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Do you roll better when you're fucked up?

LAURA: No.

SAM: No, I roll worse.

TRAVIS: Why are you–

MATT: You are now drunk.

SAM: Great.

LAURA: Why do you do this shit, Sam!?

SAM: Okay, 14.

MATT: 14, okay. You're looking for traps, or you're inspecting the...

SAM: You said to look for what?

TRAVIS: Inspect. Just inspect it.

SAM: Looking for traps?

LAURA: To see if it's actually a stalagmite or–

MATT: It's like smooth ice with a faint dust of snow. You look over and it looks like a weird stalagmite of ice. Nothing else catches your eye.

MARISHA: Do I see anything that looks like it could be any type of mechanism?

MATT: Make a perception or investigation check.

TRAVIS: Or a person? People that have been frozen in this hallway?

MARISHA: Or yeah, it seems... god dammit, I'm supposed to be good at this shit. 11.

MATT: 11. Nothing gets your attention. Do you continue on?

SAM: Yeah, let's keep going.

MATT: Go ahead.

TALIESIN: Do I see anything coming from behind?

MATT: Perception check.

TALIESIN: 27.

MATT: 27? Nothing from behind.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: Okay. You continue on. You guys are just now stepping into– you begin to see right at the end of your darkvision what looks to be an end. Like a slightly curved wall.

LAURA: What does the ceiling look like right now?

MATT: You glance up and it looks like a smooth ice tunnel. Elements of it look broken a bit and there are some very faint icicle-like protrusions at the top, but they're thin, they're like maybe a foot long, two feet long.

MICA: So we haven't reached the part where the bats said it goes up yet. That's just in front of us?

MATT: You don't– not yet. You do see an end to the tunnel.

SAM: Okay, I'll go all the way to the end, and then going off what the bat said, I'll just look all around. There's nothing else around here?

MATT: Looking straight up, indeed, the tunnel shifts into an entire vertical path. Same width, the same space. It's about 25-30 feet diameter, like almost circular, cavern. But it shoots straight up at this point.

SAM: Are there any pulleys?

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: One.

MATT: No pulleys. And you don't see any other details, which is funny, because the rest of you can see a lot of details just instinctually around Nott.

SAM: There's nothing in here. The bats were wrong.

TRAVIS: What are you talking about? There's stuff everywhere.

MATT: You see a bunch of broken ice just scattered across the ground here at the base. Just broken, shattered chunks of different sizes of ice that Nott pushes out of the way and is like, I don't see anything.

LAURA: Does it look like the ice came from above?

MATT: It looks like it's not-- it's hard to tell, it's ice.

MICA: So if this is where the bats said it goes up and there's a wall, should we just put the spider here, back up, scream a bit and see what happens?

TRAVIS: Are we currently standing with the open length above us?

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: The vision of your darkvision is 60 feet, right? Yeah, it continues up past the range of your darkvision.

TRAVIS: Just smooth surfaces of ice.

MATT: Smooth surfaces of ice.

MARISHA: We're literally fish in a barrel if we stay down here.

MICA: So maybe we should back up.

TALIESIN: Who puts fish in a barrel?

TRAVIS: Or if we wanted to make a dome, this might be a good spot.

TALIESIN: Oh, oh.

SAM: Yeah, should we dome it?

TALIESIN: Maybe not in this room.

MICA: No, back a bit.

TALIESIN: And then make a spider.

MICA: And then I can make a spider.

TRAVIS: What do you say, Caleb?

LAURA: But what if we put the spider down here and the dragon doesn't come, and then we--

SAM: Can you make a spider a second time?

MICA: I can make a spider two more times.

SAM: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

TALIESIN: We have an hour with the spider, too.

SAM: There's nothing else down here? There's no ladders, no bones, there's no anything?

TRAVIS: Do we see any sort of equipment, weapons--?

MATT: You can make a perception or investigation check.

MARISHA: Also is there anything to like, climb up the wall?

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: 18. The broken ice that's around the ground, you begin to look down and see elements of it. You see a hand in one of the pieces. You see part of a head in another.

TALIESIN: That's what I thought.

MATT: These are remnants of things that have been sundered entirely, frozen and pulled apart, but each chunk you see is but a part, where the majority of where the bodies would be is missing. These are the scraps.

TALIESIN: Maybe this is where they leave the stuff. So if we leave some stuff here, we get into our little hiding place, and then pull the metal out when it's time.

MICA: Hopefully the metal is still–

SAM: So maybe like hide the metal among this ice stuff and–

TALIESIN: Hide the metal– we'll put the metal with the spider. When it cooks the spider–

SAM: But like on the spider, or under the spider?

MICA: Under the spider, so it doesn't get (chomping motion).

TALIESIN: Or maybe just hang it around the spider's neck or something.

SAM: Well, this is my question. If we hang it around the spider's neck, if the spider goes away, the metal goes away.

TALIESIN: Well, it's going to cook it first.

SAM: I understand. But it still goes away. So do we leave the metal on the ground, or put it on the spider?

TALIESIN: If it's on the spider, then the spider and the metal get cooked, and we can Mage Hand, and as long as it's not like tight cord, or like put it in the spider's hand–

SAM: Or like be in a block of ice.

TALIESIN: It's not going to be in a block–

LAURA: It WILL be in a block of ice.

TRAVIS: It seems like he's been freezing these people and eating the ice and the person around it. I mean, if a hand and a head and all these things are sticking out, I would assume the rest of the body was consumed.

MARISHA: What makes me nervous about just leaving it on the ground, though, is if the spider blocks the path of the breath, I mean, we could just try and be on it and with it with Mage Hand. And make sure it's in the path.

MICA: Wouldn't it be impervious to being frozen if the whole point is to get it frozen?

LAURA: Yeah, but it might be stuck to the spider.

MICA: Ohhh. Not if it's on a rope. Like a dangly rope?

LAURA: If we put it on the ground next to the spider, I bet, you know, this breath, it goes real far–

MARISHA: Fjord.

TRAVIS: Yep.

LAURA: It's got a cone sort of effect.

MICA: Can you turn it invisible just in casies? But then how would we know when it's done.

SAM: Invisible. Yeah. And also I don't think we can turn it invisible.

MARISHA: Fjord, you're a sailor, you're good with knots. Isn't there some sort of like a rip– what?

SAM: Dragon knot.

TRAVIS: That's not a thing.

MARISHA: Kind of a rip cord situation where you can pull it and slip it off?

TRAVIS: Oh, like you can yank on the piece of rope and release the knot?

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

TRAVIS: Gee, I don't think so. Not with like a yank. I mean, you could--

LAURA: What if we put the ingot on top of a shield, and it's round, right, so it's like a sled, and then we tie the rope to like a thing. So like, when we go to pull, we can just pull the shield and it pulls out faster.

SAM: I like it.

MICA: Hmm.

LAURA: We'll just sit it on the ground next to the spider.

MICA: Works for me.

LAURA: It looks like the spider maybe killed something, you know, with a shield.

TRAVIS: Is there something just standing inside of the dome and holding the ingot on the outside of it?

SAM: We could do that, too. The dragon might think it's odd that there's a gigantic 20-foot dome right next to a weird spider.

TRAVIS: This dragon's stupid.

TALIESIN: Well--

TRAVIS: No, I'm kidding, it's a person. A stupid person.

SAM: I say we hide it among the shards of glass on the ground and maybe tie something to it.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Sure.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Do we have an extra shield?

LAURA: We have my shield.

TRAVIS: Or mine.

SAM: You need it.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I do.

(laughter)

SAM: Are there any shields lying it around on the ground?

TALIESIN: I could take one of the plates off of my old-- I mean, I have one of the beetle plates--

TRAVIS: We have a plain wooden shield.

SAM: Great, perfect.

TALIESIN: Oh, that'll do it.

LAURA: Hey.

MATT: All righty, so what's the plan?

LAURA: We're going to--

MARISHA: Yeah, what's the plan?

SAM: Put the ingot on the shield.

LAURA: Put the ingot on the shield, put the shield face down so it's like slidey on the thing, tie rope to the handle of the shield, back way up, and keep that on like a thing ready to pull.

SAM: Who's going to pull?

LAURA: I'll pull. I'm really strong.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: And then we're going to send in the spider to sit under the tunnel, and then we're going to yeti call.

SAM: Or just make a noise. It doesn't have to be a yeti noise.

MICA: Do we still have the rock so we're not making the noise, so it doesn't come swooping down the hallway, but it comes to the spider?

MATT: How much rope are you guys going to put on this thing?

TALIESIN: How much do we have?

TRAVIS: 50 feet from me.

MARISHA: I have 50 feet as well.

LAURA: So 100 feet of rope.

MARISHA: 150 feet.

LAURA: 150 feet of rope.

MATT: Okay, so you can tie end to end and have 100--, we'll say tied together, 145 feet of rope.

LAURA: Cool.

TALIESIN: How deep down is this head underneath the ice?

TRAVIS: Are you going to be able to pull 140 feet--

MATT: Oh, the one that's mostly eaten? You see part of a forehead and an eye that's locked in about-- there's like two inches of ice around it, and it looks like it's--

TALIESIN: There's not a face.

MATT: No.

TALIESIN: Okay. I was hoping. This is the perfect place to bring Speak With Dead. You never know.

MATT: Yeah, that's true. You have to find a more complete corpse, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MICA: Some words you'd never thought you'd hear.

LAURA: I wonder how the yetis let the dragon know that something's here.

SAM: Do you see anything around that they bang on?

LAURA: Yeah, can we see any sort of alarm system?

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: We have firecrackers.

MARISHA: You beat me to it.

LAURA: 23.

MATT: 23. You don't see any tools or implements that would be used to gather attention.

SAM: She's got firecrackers. That'll do it, or we have the Thaumaturgy.

LAURA: Yeah, we can shout with Thaumaturgy up the tunnel.

TALIESIN: We can shake it a little bit--

LAURA: Make it sound like yetis.

TALIESIN: Some yeti noises, yeah. Of some kind.

SAM: Let's do it.

MATT: So you have the rope.

SAM: This is a good plan.

MATT: You're tying the rope to the ingot of mithral?

MARISHA: To the shield.

MATT: Oh, to the shield, okay. With the mithral on top of it. On top of the shield, and you're placing it where?

LAURA: Right next to the spider as we're going like under the path.

MATT: Okay, so central to the bottom of the tunnel.

MARISHA: (as Caleb) I-- hang on, I have an idea. And he takes out some of his gum.

TRAVIS: Chewing gum?

MATT: It's not chewing gum.

MARISHA: Well he's got like a Xanthan gum type of thing.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: He does this all the time.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: He sticks it to the bottom, and puts it on the-- sticks the ingot to the shield.

MATT: You got it.

MICA: My spider can also climb up the wall and knock on the door.

SAM: Cool, cool, cool.

MICA: Should we have him do that?

TRAVIS: Is there a door?

MICA: Or her. Well, on the the giant door of ice.

SAM: The ice wall.

MARISHA: Well, we want the spider to stay by the ingot.

MICA: It can knock and then crawl back down, so we don't have to scream and put ourselves at risk.

LAURA: We can use Thaumaturgy to make it sound like the yetis are calling.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: You want to cast Invisibility on me, just in case?

SAM: Are you going to be closer than 150 feet?

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: All right.

MICA: We need somebody nearby to see if the ingot turns blue.

TRAVIS: I'll stay nearby.

ALL: No!

SAM: No, you will not. You are a little cherub boy, you cannot be anywhere near a fierce creature.

LAURA: I'm cold resistant. Maybe I should stay.

MICA: If you want to stay inside a hut for yetis, you should stay inside a hut for dragons.

SAM: Absolutely, it should be Jester. She can Dimension Door away if it gets too close.

TRAVIS: All right, I just wanted to help.

MICA: You can help by being safe.

SAM: You're super strong, I saw you in that last fight with the whip, why don't you pull the rope?

LAURA: Oh, yeah.

SAM: It's like a whip.

TRAVIS: All right.

MATT: Okay, so you're handling the rope with the end of the length.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MATT: You guys have placed the shield in place.

SAM: Caduceus, Bless him, he can't pull a rope.

TALIESIN: Bless only lasts a minute.

SAM: That's all he'll need.

TALIESIN: I actually-- yeah, I might-- well--

MICA: I want to reach over, just pat him on the head.

MATT: Okay. All right, is Caleb producing the--

SAM: Oh yes, Caleb going to make the--

MARISHA: He's making the hut.

MATT: 145 feet back?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, that'll still put you inside like, right towards the entrance of the cavern, so you guys are near in between where the yeti village area is, the entrance to the cavern, you guys are right on that cusp.

MARISHA: Okay.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Okay. The dome is created.

SAM: I will cast Invisibility on Beauregard.

MATT: Beauregard is invisible.

LAURA: Okay. But maybe I should be invisible, because I'm going to be next to-- It's okay, I'll just be out there.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: No, you should be invisible.

LAURA: I'm going to disguise myself as--

SAM: I will cast Invisibility on you.

SAM: Actually wait, Caleb can cast Invisibility.

MATT: I don't think he has the spell, does he? You have to check his inventory. He might. He had a scroll once, but I think he used it as a scroll.

MARISHA: He used it as a scroll.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: He doesn't have it.

LAURA: He didn't get to scribe it.

SAM: So should I do it to you? Or do you want to disguise yourself or something?

LAURA: Or...

MARISHA: I just thought I could run real fast.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: That's all.

SAM: I can only do it to one person.

MARISHA: It's kind of what I got right now.

SAM: Who should I do it to?

LAURA: Are you cold resistant?

MARISHA: No, but I can run real fast.

LAURA: I can Dimension Door 500 feet.

TRAVIS: Are you saying you want to be invisible or you don't?

MARISHA: No, I'm saying I can be invisible and be a runner in case--

TRAVIS: All right, if you're cold resistant, and you can get out quickly, then perhaps--

LAURA: All right, I'll just be me.

TRAVIS: Unless you wanted to disguise yourself?

LAURA: I'll hide behind one of those stalag... mites on the ground.

MATT: Okay, so you go back and get behind one of those. Totally. The one that's closest, or-- it's about 60, 70 or so feet away from the center of the cavern for that last one.

LAURA: Is it close enough so I can see if it's turning blue?

MATT: You have darkvision?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: It's on the cusp.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: What are you doing?

SAM: I'm going to be up there with you.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: You're not cold resistant.

SAM: No, I know, but I'm good at hiding.

LAURA: But what if you get breathed on? You could die.

SAM: You can Dimension Door me out.

LAURA: I'd have to get to you.

SAM: I'll be near you.

LAURA: Stay right next to me.

SAM: I always follow orders.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

TRAVIS: God.

LAURA: This is going to shit really fast.

TRAVIS: I want to push pause and hit the save icon.

(laughter)

MATT: If only.

TRAVIS: Save point.

MICA: Save in an extra slot.

MATT: Some pieces are set. What are the next things to do?

MICA: Shall I make my--

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

MICA: Okay, so.

MARISHA: Caleb says: If anything goes wrong, you send me a message. Okay.

SAM: It won't get to you because you'll be in the dome.

LAURA: Yes, it--

TALIESIN: Yeah, it will.

TRAVIS: Nope, nothing goes through the dome.

(laughing)

But sound travels. Sound travels.

MATT: You can hear outside of it, yeah.

MICA: If you scream like a little bitch.

TRAVIS: (shouting) Come fucking save me!

(laughter)

MATT: Okay. So. What's next? You summon your spider?

MICA: Yes, I use Conjure Woodland Beings to summon an ice spider queen.

MATT: You see emerge from this green-blue glowing tear, this horizontal tear through the middle of the air in front of you. As it splits open like a weird ethereal wound, this spindly series of legs, black with blue stripes and striations to them pour out as this large, thin, elongated spider emerges. You can see from tip of its multi-eyed face to the back of its swollen blue abdomen, probably about six and a half, seven feet. Its legs go out to about 10 from side to side. It is a unique, intimidating sight. It (chittering), looks towards you.

MICA: So I want to first Druidcraft a little flower crown for it, since it is a queen, and I want to place it upon its head, and I pat it and I go: You're going to do a good job for us today, and I'm sorry, you're probably going to be eaten, but I don't love you any less.

MATT: (chittering)

MICA: Go forth.

LAURA: I'm going to-- before this, I'm going to take Sprinkle out of my hood and give him to Caleb-- no, to Caduceus-- no, to Caleb, because he's definitely staying in the hut.

MARISHA: Oh, ja.

LAURA: Caleb, take care of Sprinkle, okay? Oh my god, if Sprinkle would have been in my hood when I tried to Dimension Door us out, I wouldn't have been able to take you.

SAM: Oh my god, that's crazy.

LAURA: How terrible would that have been?

SAM: You've never Dimension Door'ed with that creature on you before.

LAURA: I haven't.

(laughter)

MATT: All right.

(laughter) (chittering)

MICA: Is the spider taking the shield? How's this happening?

LAURA: No, the shield is already right there.

MICA: Oh, the shield's already placed? Okay.

MATT: The spider stands over, you direct her over. (chittering)

MICA: Then I back up, I back far, I back back to the hut. Okay, so you're in the hut, you're in the hut--

MARISHA: I am-- Caleb's in the hut, Beau is in invisible with Nott and Jester on the opposite side.

TALIESIN: Before, just in case, I'm going to tap you and give you Freedom of Movement.

MARISHA: Yes, queen. Oh, and then Caleb wanted to do Gift of Alacrity on someone doing a crucial action.

MATT: Gift of Alacrity or you mean the other one?

SAM: The fate thing, probably.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Oh, he wants that on himself.

MATT: Okay, gotcha.

MARISHA: He made a point to make that. Then Gift of Alacrity we'll put on Reani.

MATT: Okay, so you have a plus eight to your initiative rolls.

MICA: Oh, damn.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MATT: For the next hour, or eight hours.

SAM: He wanted the fate thing for himself, got it.

LAURA: But okay. Okay.

TRAVIS: Shouldn't Jester have something?

LAURA: Doesn't matter, it's fine, I will just be out here with Nott with no extra anything from anybody.

(laughter)

Thanks a lot, everyone. We can take care of ourselves.

TRAVIS: We're au naturale.

(laughter)

SAM: See you, Fjord.

TRAVIS: You smell like booze.

(laughter)

You smell flammable.

(laughter)

MATT: Caduceus, where are you staying?

TALIESIN: I'm staying just behind dome, if that makes sense, using it as cover.

MATT: Okay. Behind the the dome, in the dome, in the dome.

TALIESIN: Or actually maybe in the dome.

MATT: Caleb definitely in the dome. All right, Caduceus in the dome. So you four are in the dome, the other three are ahead, up, about 60 feet from ground zero where the spider has been summoned and is currently lording over the shield.

TRAVIS: I will be augment, I will be 30 feet-- 25 feet of out of the dome. That way if I need to pull, I grab and I just run in instead of trying to do this shit.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

LAURA: Oh, smart.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: 25 feet from the dome.

MATT: All right, got it. So, what's next?

SAM: We got to make some noise.

LAURA: Oh, right.

TRAVIS: 50 feet. I'll be 50 feet outside of the dome.

MATT: Okay. You got it.

SAM: (laughing)

MICA: He's getting brave.

MARISHA: It's The Price is Right.

LAURA: I want to see-- wait, let me look how far of a distance Thaumaturgy--

TALIESIN: You have 60 feet of movement if you burn your action.

TRAVIS: I know. That's why I'm only using 50.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to use Thaumaturgy. Then, oh, I'm going to-- oh fuck. I'm going to get up close to the top of the tunnel, to where it goes, and I'm going to use Thaumaturgy to echo yeti noises up the tunnel shaft, and then I'm going to make a run for it and hide behind that stalagmite.

MATT: Okay. Okay. Make a performance check for me.

LAURA: 20.

MATT: All right.

SAM: When it counts.

MATT: This is a stretch of Thaumaturgy's capabilities. So you make a noise, a thunderous noise similar to a rumble of thunder, but you sculpt it to be similar to what you remember the yeti sounds to be like. (growling) Echoes through and you hear the echo go up to the top. A moment passes. About a minute passes.

MICA: (whispering) Should I have my spider knock?

TRAVIS: What, like climb up and knock?

MICA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Climb up the ice wall?

MICA: It has sticky feets.

SAM: Sure.

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: (cracking) You hear this cracking impact sound. (cracking) Chunks of ice begin to fall and plummet. (impacts) A huge piece slams into the ground next to the spider. (chittering) Backs out of the way.

TRAVIS: I wanna go home.

LAURA: I don't like it.

MATT: You hear-- (impacts) With each heavy impact grinding sound, more ice chunks fall, slamming into the ground. It gets louder and the vibrations, the impact of the tunnel rumbles, rumbles, and vibrates underneath you. Right at the top of this tunnel, you see these two white claws scraping into the ice just into your view, as these two expanded wings unfurl, covering the entirety of the upper part of the cavern. As it slowly holds itself looking down, you can see the snout of an ancient white dragon.

LAURA and TRAVIS: Ancient?! Fuck!

MICA: (groaning)

MATT: Peer down.

SAM: We've got this one.

MATT: Peer down and, maybe about 15 or so feet from the spider, just-- (breathing heavily)

MARISHA: Oh god.

MATT: Blue mist (whooshing) out of its mouth. You just barely see its glowing icy blue eyes. It goes, "Interesting." (ice breath) You watch as a blast of icy white blue force just sprays out against this spider and it billows out and pushes into the chamber. It doesn't do damage to you guys from your proximity, but the burst of cold still numbs the surface of your skin at this distance.

LAURA: It feels kind of nice.

MATT: I need your spider to make a constitution saving throw, please.

MICA: Okay.

TRAVIS: This is going to dictate whether we bail on this or not.

MICA: All right.

SAM: Bail?

TRAVIS: Yeah, because if this is like--

SAM: No surrender!

TRAVIS: If this is like 12d12, we're fucking getting out of here.

MICA: That's a solid 13.

MATT: 13, that's a failure.

MICA: Yeah, I figured. But it has a resistance to cold.

MATT: It does, and that's useful. All righty, so.

TRAVIS: That's helpful.

MATT: Let me roll some dice here for a second.

MICA: Yeah, I may need more spiders.

TRAVIS: Ancient white dragon.

LAURA: That's it? Oh god.

TALIESIN: Should've cast Bless.

LAURA: Should've done a fucking mammoth.

MARISHA: Mammoth is round two, round two. You can tag in a mammoth.

MICA: Yeah, then you would die.

LAURA: Okay, yeah, you're right.

MATT: 74 points of cold damage.

LAURA: Oh!

SAM: It's okay. No, no, no.

MATT: Reduced to half.

MICA: Oh.

SAM: Resistant.

MARISHA: Resistant, yeah yeah yeah.

MICA: Can somebody math for me?

SAM: You're okay.

LAURA: 74 is 32.

MATT: Well, no.

LAURA: No.

MATT: 37 points of cold damage.

MICA: It's okay.

LAURA: 37.

MATT: So it blasts into the spider, you see ice collecting around the outside of its carapace. The dragon looks down curiously at it still surviving there, its head turning a bit. The mist still (whooshing) out of its mouth.

LAURA: We look in, can we see--

MATT: Make a perception check.

MARISHA: The mithral.

SAM: I will also make one.

MARISHA: Okay, are you looking at the mithral?

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Can I do the same?

MATT: Sure.

SAM: Six.

LAURA: 23.

MATT: 23, and--?

MARISHA: 16.

MATT: 16, okay. With all the ice, and all the insanity that's happened, the only person with clear enough eyes to see the mithral is Jester. Peering through all of it, you look and see, it's not quite glowing yet.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: What's the spider do, if anything?

MICA: So can I still communicate with it even though I'm in the hut?

MATT: You're giving it-- from this distance, I'd say you'd probably have to step out to try and--

MICA: Okay, so, the dragon can't see me if I step out, right?

MATT: You don't think so.

LAURA: Just put your face barely through.

MICA: So I want to put my face barely out, just so I can tell the spider to, in its own spider way, like flip off the dragon, since it's still alive. (laughs) One of its little legs goes, "Meee!"

MATT: Okay.

MICA: And then I pop back in.

MATT: Can the spider heal itself?

MATT: The spider, which looked like it was about to back away instinctually, its need to run from this massive creature, it resists it at your will, by which it's been brought to bear at your beck and call.

MICA: Sorry, buddy.

MATT: Bears back, and its the third right leg curls up under its abdomen and sticks it straight up towards the dragon.

(laughter)

Which gets its breath back. And the dragon goes, "Heh, (breathing heavily)," and just releases an even angrier torrent of ice blasting down. This blasts back into all of you, I'll say just make a dexterity saving throw, the three of you.

MICA: Sorry, this is for the greater good.

LAURA: 14.

SAM: 23.

MARISHA: You said dex saving throw?

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: 16.

MATT: 16, okay.

MATT: The proximity does seven points of cold damage to-- what'd you roll? Sorry, it was--?

MARISHA: 16.

MATT: 16, fail.

LAURA: 14.

MATT: 14, fail.

SAM: 23.

MARISHA: Evasion.

MATT: 23, you succeed. So you take only three points of cold damage, seven to both of you.

LAURA: I'm resistant.

MATT: So three to you as well.

SAM: Evasion.

MARISHA: Evasion.

MATT: There you go.

MARISHA: Evasion.

MATT: Take nothing.

MARISHA: Wait, I thought I take half damage if I fail.

MATT: No, you take half damage if you fail. So--

MARISHA: And I failed.

MATT: Yeah, so you take three, and you take none.

LAURA: You get three cold damage, you get three cold damage!

MATT: The spider takes--

MICA: The spider's fucked.

SAM: Spider's gone.

MATT: 68 points of cold damage, reduced by half.

MICA: That's a little bit of an overkill, but yeah, the spider is no mas.

MATT: So after the torrent of (hissing) blast downward, the mist subsides and you can see now, there's this large block of ice that has encased and entombed the spider. The dragon snarls its nostrils and then bites down, sinks its teeth into the block of ice, and then scurries up into the cavern, lifting it up with it. The rope begins to zip along with it.

LAURA: The mithral was on the ground!

MARISHA: The mithral's on the ground. What does it look like?

MATT: It looks like this chunk of ice is carrying the mithral with it and rope with it. You can see now, the slack go and start pulling you forward. Fjord, what are you doing?

TRAVIS: I'm holding onto that bitch.

LAURA: We see the rope going past us, I grab onto the rope, too.

MICA: Can I hold onto Fjord? Because I'm in the hut with him? Oh no, I'm not, no, I'm out of the hut.

SAM: He's 50 feet away.

MICA: Shit.

MATT: Yeah, Fjord just darts away from you guys.

LAURA: We're seeing the rope slide past us, right?

MATT: You are.

LAURA: So yeah, I grab onto the rope, too.

MATT: You grab onto the rope?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I will also grab onto the rope?

LAURA: We might be able to just yank the rope down. Like, with whatever it is. Knock it loose, because it's at the bottom of whatever ice chunk it would be going up.

MATT: Yes, it's lifting up. Make a strength check.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Is anyone helping?

SAM: I will help.

MARISHA: I will help as well.

MATT: All right, so you get advantage on this strength check.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Can I help by throwing two of my shurikens and seeing if I can cut--

SAM: Well, you can't help pull a rope and throw.

MARISHA: No, I'm not, that's what I'm saying, see if I can throw--

LAURA: Did I get Bless, did you Bless me?

TALIESIN: How close are you to me?

MARISHA: Cut the rope.

MATT: Sure, roll an attack.

TRAVIS and LAURA: Don't cut the rope!

LAURA: We need the rope!

MARISHA: After the thing, after, I'm throwing it. After the-- so it's not connected to the dragon.

LAURA: No no no no--

TRAVIS: No, I'm holding onto the rope, I could let go. I don't want to lose the ore.

SAM: The rope is frozen to the--

LAURA: The rope is frozen onto the shield which is connected to the ice chunk. If you cut the rope, we'll lose the mithral.

MATT: We'll say-- you're invisible, right?

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: They wouldn't even see you doing this.

MARISHA: Okay, it's fine.

MATT: Roll an attack with your shuriken. There's no way to communicate this in the moment it happened, this was the first instinct.

SAM and LAURA: It's fine.

MARISHA: This is my ranged dex?

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: Hang on, hang on.

TRAVIS: It might be shitty, it might be shitty.

MARISHA: Hang on, 13.

MATT: 13?

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage.

SAM: Oh boy. Shuriken!

MARISHA: Okay, what is it for the darts?

MATT: 1d4 plus your dexterity modifier.

MARISHA: Plus my dex modifier. Okay, okay.

MARISHA: Eight damage.

MATT: Okay. The rope goes slack in your guys'--

LAURA: Would she have done it before I was yanking the rope, would she have done that before I--

MATT: What did you roll with your strength check?

LAURA: 19?

MATT: 19. You yank, the rope actually snaps with your strength. There is no way you're holding an ancient dragon pulling up into an ice cavern--

LAURA: No, I wanted to yank the shield off.

MATT: Unfortunately no, because as it pulls up and you see, like, it froze the ice that was underneath to whatever is there. So a lot of the chunks of people, including the ice, the ice is somehow captured up in the ice, and it's now being lifted up the cavern.

SAM: We're going up, then.

MATT: So as the rope goes slack, you guys all take a moment as you hear (impacts), a couple other odd pieces falling.

TRAVIS: It's all right.

SAM: As it was flying away, did we happen to see a glowing piece of mithral in the ice?

LAURA: Yeah, could we see if it was glowing?

LAURA: You would've been far away. You would've been further away.

MATT: You would've been further away. I'll say both of you make a perception check.

SAM: Not me.

LAURA: 24.

MATT: 24? You did see a faint blue glow about a foot or so within the bottom of the ice crystal being dragged up to the top.

SAM: Okay, okay.

TALIESIN: So this is definitely a glass half-full proposition.

TRAVIS: (laughing) Sure.

MICA: Or we could just go get another piece.

LAURA: No, no, no.

SAM: We're going up there.

MARISHA: All right.

LAURA: We sneak up.

TALIESIN: This is now a theft.

LAURA: Now it's a stealth mission.

SAM: That's right.

MARISHA: Yeah, now it's recovery.

SAM: This couldn't have gone any better!

TALIESIN: It really could've, but that's okay.

(laughter)

I can think of a number of scenarios where this could've gone way better.

TRAVIS: We need to wait for the dragon to eat the ice, right? Break up the block.

SAM: Most people, when they eat, they get tired and go to sleep afterwards.

TRAVIS: All right, yes, could be a nap after.

LAURA: I don't think we should take the whole group, I think it should be a couple sneakies, go in, get the mithral, and bamf out.

TRAVIS: I would say Nott, but she reeks of petrol. It's insane.

LAURA: Nott, can you turn me invisible?

SAM: Yes, but I'm not sending you in alone.

LAURA: I can cast Pass Without a Trace on myself.

SAM: I'm not sending you in alone.

MICA: I have Pass Without a Trace, I can go.

LAURA: Are you stealthy?

MICA: Eh.

MARISHA: I'm stealthy.

SAM: I'm stealthy.

TRAVIS: How much worse do you roll when you're hammered?

SAM: Just a little.

TRAVIS: (laughing) This is what you do, rogues going to rogue.

SAM: Yeah, I'm still amazing.

TRAVIS: Okay, yeah, yeah.

SAM: First of all, stealth I get advantage on every roll, so I'm actually totally fine.

MATT: Yeah, for you it counteracts the effect.

SAM: It counteracts, so I'm fine with stealth.

TRAVIS: That's a given, that's a given.

TALIESIN: We should maybe get everybody a little closer to the den so that when we do bamf out, we can bamf out. We only need 60 seconds unencumbered.

LAURA: I can Dimension Door 500 feet.

TRAVIS: Yeah, no, yeah, exactly, we should be close to the dome and let them do--

SAM: You could turn into something that flies, right?

MICA: Mm-hmm.

SAM: So you could get out of there in a hurry as well.

MICA: Mm-hmm.

TRAVIS: Flying dragon.

MICA: Dragons can also fly, yeah.

SAM: But you're super fast and awesome. You're a superhero.

TRAVIS: That thing's faster.

MICA: That is true. That is true.

SAM: You make your own decisions, Reani, but--

TRAVIS: We should move quite quickly, just in case.

SAM: You were told in a dream that you needed to tangle with this dragon.

MICA: I'll go with you to protect you.

SAM: Thank you.

LAURA: But you've got to be stealthy.

MICA: Okay.

TALIESIN: We should all start heading in that direction.

MARISHA: No, I didn't say anything.

TRAVIS: Go, go, whatever you're going to do, but do it quickly.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we should move.

LAURA: Reani, what if you turn into a giant eagle or something, stealthily fly us up, you can drop me and Nott up at the top.

MICA: And I will be your getaway car.

LAURA: Well, I have Dimension Door.

MICA: Just kidding.

LAURA: So that's probably faster.

MICA: That makes sense.

LAURA: But if something goes wrong--

MICA: I'll save you.

LAURA: Yes.

MICA: Okay. I can do that.

TRAVIS: Go.

MICA: All right.

LAURA: Or you can go in and, you know, fight the dragon and distract it, since it is, you know, your call to action, and maybe you will land a killing blow on its secret weak spot, and your god will be very proud of you.

MICA: If that's what you want me to do--

LAURA: No, I don't.

TRAVIS: Must go, must go.

MATT: You can hear the very faint sound of crunching echoing from further down the hall.

TALIESIN: From the other end of the hall?

MATT: No, from the direction the dragon went.

TALIESIN: The dragon's eating right now, we should probably move.

TRAVIS: No, we're not all going, it's only the three of you, or the two of you.

SAM: Chaos crew?

MARISHA: Chaos crew.

LAURA: Jesus Christ, chaos crew.

SAM: Let's go.

MICA: Am I going?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MICA: Okay.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: So what's going on, who's going where?

SAM: We're going to start climbing the ice. Beau--

MICA: Wait, I can carry you.

LAURA: I can also--

SAM: Okay. Great, even better.

LAURA: I can Dimension Door us up and--

MATT: It is smooth ice, there are like grooves in it, you can see now from the dragon first dragging its way down in areas where its claws hit there. Without climbing gear, it's going to be difficult to climb straight up, just as a note.

MICA: If I Pass Without a Trace as-- I can't cast that as an eagle.

MATT: You can cast it and maintain concentration while in eagle form.

MICA: Okay. Would that be a sneaky eagle?

MATT: Yeah, I'd say that would be a quiet way of making sure there's the least amount of wind noise and landing gently.

MICA: Like one of those stealth jets, would I just hover up?

MATT: Yeah. It's a little bit more of an owl type maneuver.

MICA: Okay, actually wait, I can be an owl. Are owls sneakier?

MATT: Generally, from a knowledge of nature, the feathers of owls are designed to be stealthy predators.

MICA: Okay.

MATT: Do you have a giant owl at your disposal?

MICA: I have a giant owl.

MATT: A giant owl I would say would probably be--

TALIESIN: Also night vision.

MICA: Also night vision.

MATT: Yeah.

MICA: Okay. So I would like to first cast Pass Without a Trace.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Hold on, hold on.

MICA: Huh?

TRAVIS: You have the ability to just get there, no sound.

LAURA: Yeah, I have Dimension Door.

TRAVIS: Then why don't you just do that?

TALIESIN: You have to see where you're going.

LAURA: Right, it could be useful. If we're on your back as a giant owl, is that what we're doing?

MICA: Either on my back or in my claws.

LAURA: Can you carry three of us?

MICA: Well, you're small, so, yeah.

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: You sure?

LAURA: Mm-hmm. Sure.

TALIESIN: I'm going to spend--

LAURA: Then you can be in charge of getting Beau back down, because I can only take one person.

MICA: Okay.

LAURA: Back with me.

TALIESIN: I'm going to put Freedom of Movement on you, too, then, before we--

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: Just going to burn through a couple spells.

MICA: Don't I have something special from Caleb? Oh, that's just--

MARISHA: Plus to initiative.

MICA: Okay.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah.

MICA: All right.

MATT: All right, so who's going with the giant owl?

MICA: All three of them are.

LAURA: Will you be able to move stealthily with three of us in tow?

MATT: With Pass Without a Trace, you can certainly try.

TRAVIS: Boy. Boy.

MATT: I mean, Nott's pretty small, Beau's pretty light weight, you have some more armor on, but--

LAURA: A little bit.

MICA: If Nott's like hanging on to the scruff, very small, and then carrying the two in the claws, it's balanced.

MATT: It's better.

MICA: It's better, right?

MATT: You want to give it a shot?

LAURA: I'm going to Blessing of the Trickster you as well, so you can be even-- you can roll with advantage.

MATT: So you get advantage on your stealth checks, so that is great.

MICA: Wonderful.

SAM: Caduceus, any blessings you want to do right now?

LAURA: It's only a--

TALIESIN: I cast Sober on Nott.

(laughter)

MATT: Yeah, the giant eagle does get a plus four-- or sorry, the giant owl gets plus four to its stealth checks, which is nice.

MICA: So I get plus four and advantage.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: At least for the next minute, you get-- add a d4 to any save, for like 60 seconds. I don't have a long-term--

LAURA: It's only within 30 feet, Bless.

TALIESIN: Oh, actually, oh, I can do this really quickly, can't I?

LAURA: But I can Bless us.

TALIESIN: Nope, everything's a minute, I don't have anything that lasts longer than a minute.

SAM: All right.

LAURA: I'm going to Bless us as we go up.

MATT: All right. So the three of you, so we have currently, we'll say the-- I'll use the giant eagle as an example.

TALIESIN: Three non-animals.

MATT: With Nott--

MARISHA: That's cool.

MATT: Jester, and Beau heading upward, right? The rest of you are staying behind. Caleb is staying in the dome, you guys are staying at the bottom of the tunnel. Okay.

TALIESIN: All my Freedom of Movement.

MICA: Just a nice little girls' trip, you guys, it's fine.

MATT: Making your way upward through the tunnel, I need you all to make-- well technically with this one, I'd say you make a stealth check for all of you, since they're on your back.

MICA: So with advantage.

MATT: With advantage, plus four to the roll.

SAM: Plus 10 for Pass Without--

MATT: Yep.

MICA: Okay, so that's 14 plus 10, 24.

LAURA: Plus four to the roll.

SAM: Plus a d4.

LAURA: A d4 to the roll.

MICA: Oh, shit, plus a d4, okay. That's another one. So that's 25.

MATT: 25. Okay.

TALIESIN: (moans)

MATT: So.

SAM: What's the dragon's wisdom?

TRAVIS: Ancient.

MATT: You come up towards the top, reach the crest of where the tunnel straightens out once more, and there you can see what was once the ice wall, but the center of it has been carved out and broken. The dragon, without an issue, burrowed through, it seemed, as part of its affinity for the elements around it. It pushed through without issue. Now you see there's this opening where within, you can actually see past the ice wall into the lair. Now the tunnel opens into a multi-tiered chamber of extreme cold. A weirdly heart-shaped chamber, oblong and strange, entirely comprised of ice while massive, jagged icicles jut from the ceiling like a field of Damocles' swords. You can see the topography shifts and changes. There is a center, almost like an ice lake or puddle of some kind frozen over in front of you, and the weird topography reminds you of a frightful playground of jutting winter crystal. If anyone wants to make a perception check as they step and glance through the space.

TALIESIN: The heartbeat sound--

MICA: It's really--

LAURA: Freaking me out.

MICA: Yeah.

LAURA: 24 perception.

MATT: All righty.

MICA: Where is my owl perception? Ah, plus eight. Oh damn, owl.

MATT: Yeah, they're perceptive.

MICA: Thank god, that's a nine.

MATT: Okay. Well, you glance past. You can see in the far back chamber, the large, white-scaled form of the dragon, its wings folded in as it faces loosely away and in the corner, and it is-- one foot is up on this raised platform with stone steps leading up to it. The back half of it's sitting towards the edge of that ice lake in the center, and it is just chewing and biting through the cluster of ice.

LAURA: Does it seem like it noticed us at all?

MATT: It doesn't seem to have noticed your presence.

MICA: (exhaling)

MATT: You rolled higher than its passive perception.

SAM: Oh, nice.

MATT: 23, by the way.

LAURA and MICA: (groaning) (laughter)

MICA: I'm getting sweaty.

MATT: You also see within here, not with the light, but just through your darkvision, amongst elements of the ice that surrounds the chamber, you can see textures that catch your eye. Like a faint shine of gold and silver, bits of the treasure hoard embedded in the ice walls around it. Who knows what things are ensnared and locked within the icy exterior of this lair? You do also notice these very faint, blue-purple lights that are like pulsing. You see one in the far, far corner, not too far from where Gelidon is. You see a faint glow coming from a little alcove that's off to the side. Let me go ahead and show you, actually--

SAM: Oh boy!

MATT: You can see what you're dealing with.

SAM: I am so scared.

MARISHA: (laughing)

MICA: Are people known to like, get heart attacks at the table and pass out, because I'm getting there.

TALIESIN: I'm seeing stars.

SAM: I want to remind you guys that all combats are powered by Dwarven Forge. Check them out at Dwarvenforge.com. They sent me this helmet.

MICA: Holy fucking shit.

TALIESIN: Fuck.

SAM: Wow, that is such a fucking cool map.

TRAVIS: That is amazing.

MICA: Matt, did you make that?

ALL: (yelling)

TALIESIN: Oh no!

(laughter)

MICA: Oh no!

SAM: That is the biggest thing I've ever seen!

TRAVIS: Why, why are we doing this?! Level nine!

TALIESIN: Because someone had a bad breakup.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Yeah.

(groaning and laughing)

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay.

MATT: Unnoticed here, the faint glow seems to be coming from this end here.

LAURA: What?

MATT: And right off here.

LAURA: Okay, that's where the purple--

MATT: A weird pulsing purple glow.

MARISHA: Purple glow.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: We need you guys.

TRAVIS: To do what?!

SAM: To catch us when we fall.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: Oh no.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: So wait, purple glows, but no sign of the blue? Of the mithral?

MATT: You don't have a visual point on it. A bead.

SAM: Does it look from the back that it's still eating, or--?

MATT: It looks like it's (snarling).

SAM: It's with the thing.

MATT: Like, the distance it's at, you can just barely make out the shape with your darkvision, and it's right on the cusp, and there's no light in this chamber, it is pitch black.

SAM: We have to hide, we have to hide right now.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you're going to have to go invisible, draw him out, run around.

MATT: Yeah. Beau sees nothing, it is just black.

MARISHA: I've got my goggles.

MATT: Oh, you have your goggles, never mind, sorry. I'm used to human, sorry. You're right.

SAM: Let's go hide.

MATT: That's my bad.

LAURA: Beau, can I have the stone?

SAM: Hide. She's invisible.

MICA: Wait, am I still flying or have I landed?

MATT: You've landed.

MICA: Okay.

SAM: Oh wait, you're not invisible, you attacked with your shuriken.

MATT: You did.

LAURA: So you're not invisible anymore. Okay.

SAM: But I can make you invisible.

LAURA: Well-- Okay.

SAM: Who needs to be invisible?

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MARISHA: I'm fine, I'll be great.

TRAVIS: We're great.

SAM: Let's go over there and hide.

LAURA: We're going to hide behind this.

MARISHA: It's a lot to do.

TALIESIN: It is, it's two iPads.

SAM: Are you going drop your form or are you going to--

LAURA: Are all of us going to go fucking in, or is it just like--

SAM: We just need somewhere to hide for now and then we can figure it out.

LAURA: Just, like you and me can go try to sneak in and I can Dimension Door us out. I can't Dimension Door four people out.

SAM: Well, you can Dimension Door us in and out. Yeah, I could, I could Dimension Door--

MARISHA: But we don't know where it is.

LAURA: We would see it glow, because it's pitch dark in here, so we could see--

MARISHA: -- down the tunnel at any place.

LAURA: If we peek our head in, can we see a faint blue glow from within this cavern anywhere?

MATT: From your perspective there? Make another perception check for me.

SAM: I'm going to be next to Jester, if I can get over there without the dragon seeing.

MATT: You guys-- I'll let you get up to there with your same stealth check.

SAM: That's cocked.

TALIESIN: That's so weird.

LAURA: That was horrible.

TRAVIS: There's one.

(groaning)

LAURA: One, it was almost 19 and it's a one.

MATT: There is no sign of the blue glow from this perspective, unfortunately.

MICA: I have a huge darkvision, I have 120 feet of darkvision.

MATT: You have 120 feet.

MICA: Yeah. Do I see anything? Do I see a faint blue glow anywhere?

MATT: Not from this point. Actually, if you want to make a perception check, are you still in eagle form?

MICA: I'm still in my owl form.

MATT: I'm sorry, owl form, you can go ahead and roll perception from your owl.

SAM: They might have advantage on perception checks or something, they're owls.

MICA: 16.

LAURA: Keen hearing. Oh, keen hearing and sight. Advantage.

MICA: Oh, I have advantage!

SAM: Yeah.

MICA: That's better! What's 14 plus eight?

MATT: The owl has darkvision of 120 feet?

MICA: Yeah. 22 plus my 120 feet of darkvision.

MATT: You see right in front of it, in the midst of this chaos there is a faint bit of blue glow of the imbued iceflex mithral, covered in chunks of broken ice and crushed ice, all emanating. You can see bits and pieces of the spider. Unfortunately, as usual with some of these spells, the fey creatures are, upon death, reverted back to wherever you pulled them from.

MICA: Ah.

MATT: The spider is-- Or this doesn't summon fey creatures, this is--

MICA: No, it was a fey creature.

MATT: That's right, because it's Woodland Beings.

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: So yeah, so the ice is being eaten, but there is no spider.

MICA: Ha, fuck you, dragon.

MATT: The dragon seems very unhappy with that circumstance.

MICA: I am sorry, Mr. Dragon.

MATT: Agitated and trying desperately to chew through the ice to find the meat of its meal, of which there is none.

MARISHA: Why don't Reani and I act as the distraction? We bolt out while you guys go grab it.

SAM: Yeah, yeah yeah.

MARISHA: And then go.

SAM and LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

MARISHA: Okay.

MICA: So I nod with my owl head.

LAURA: Actually, get down to the bottom, make noise at the bottom of the tunnel.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: Well--

TALIESIN: How are we going to--

SAM: You can flap your, yeah, make a sound and then just dart down on the owl.

MICA: So I can't speak as an owl, can I?

MATT: No.

MICA: So I want to just hold out my claw to summon like, get in it. Get in it.

LAURA: We hide, we're going to hide.

SAM: Super hide.

LAURA: Can you make both of us invisible?

SAM: Can I make boulders invisible?

LAURA: Both of us.

SAM: No.

SAM: Boners invisible?

LAURA: We're going to hide as much as we can over here.

SAM: I can make one of us invisible.

LAURA: Can I Blessing of the Trickster myself? I'm not sure if I can. "A willing creature other than yourself," nope.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Can you make me invisible?

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Then you have advantage on stealth.

SAM: I boop her on the nose and turn her invisible.

LAURA: Then I'm going to--

MATT: So this is your second Channel Divinity you've used. You have no more--

LAURA: No no, I didn't actually do Blessing of the Trickster, I didn't need to, because she already has--

MATT: Oh, gotcha.

LAURA: Before you do that, I'm going to Pass Without a Trace us so that we have higher, and then you can be invisible.

MATT: Okay, you cast Pass Without a Trace again.

MICA: Did anybody give me that, I can go however far I want, however fast I want? What was that, no?

TALIESIN: I only had three, and it's less far and how fast, it's just if you try and get caught--

MATT: Grappled.

MICA: Oh.

TALIESIN: It doesn't make you faster.

MICA: Question, if I as an owl wanted to bolt, could I just bolt?

MARISHA: Freedom of Movement?

MATT: I mean, if you--

MICA: Like if I bolted out of the cavern and like, through the tunnel.

LAURA: Yeah, you could do that.

MICA: Yeah? Cool.

MATT: At your owl speed, yeah.

MICA: At my owl speed?

MARISHA: How fast is your owl speed?

MICA: Can owl out-speed a dragon?

MATT: I don't know.

LAURA: That's why I feel like you should make noise at the bottom of the tunnel.

MARISHA: How fast, what's your owl speed?

MICA: Five feet, and I fly 60 feet.

MARISHA: Okay. Fly 60 feet.

TRAVIS: You could do 120 if you did your action--

MARISHA: In a round. So we're going to take off, and then I'll do the thing, once we get momentum going. But I want to wait for you guys to get in place.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: For the record, I don't think you can outfly a dragon, but we're going to fucking find out.

MARISHA: Get a head start.

MICA: I'm going to get a head start. So to recap, I'm going to lift off the ground, you're going to make a noise, and then I'm going to fucking go.

MARISHA: Yeah, you just go, and I'll time it.

LAURA: Me and Nott are hiding, hiding, hiding.

MICA: Okay.

SAM: But we're super hiding.

MATT: Go ahead and roll stealth checks with your additional hiding benefits, since you guys are now moved behind in position. You're attempting to hunker down and not be perceived by this entity.

SAM: This is a check, I just do a straight roll.

MATT: Exactly.

SAM: Oh, terrible.

LAURA: Advantage.

SAM: No, no, no advantage. I'm drunk. So 18 plus Pass Without a Trace, 28.

LAURA: 29.

MATT: 29, okay.

TRAVIS: That's not terrible.

MATT: So you guys are hiding in position.

MICA: Okay.

MATT: And what are you doing?

LAURA: And I'm invisible.

MATT: And you're invisible.

MICA: So I'm holding Beau, and gently--

MARISHA: And I pull out my bottle rockets.

SAM: Yes!

MARISHA: My firecrackers.

MATT: The Hupperdook firecrackers, okay.

MARISHA: And I hold up a match.

MICA: I gently lift off the ground, and before anything happens, I just like, nuzzle Beau in hopes that we're not going to die.

MARISHA: I nuzzle her back, and while I nuzzle her back, I think: Fuck you, Professor Thaddeus. (laughter)

MICA: I guess that's sweet.

(laughter)

MATT and MICA: All right.

MICA: And I gave a small nod.

MARISHA: As we take flight, I light the firecracker.

MICA: And I'm heading down there.

MARISHA: And I wait and wait.

MATT: (firecrackers popping) You guys, from down there, hear the series of explosions. Suddenly from behind, (growling). Suddenly the dragon turns around, the wings beat up and jumps and leaps, spinning (shouting) in an area as you guys dart down, (whooshing) you hear it slam into the frozen wall behind you and dive after you. Its fly speed is 80 feet, and it is gaining.

MICA: I want to go into the hut, because the hut can protect me from everything, right?

MATT: All right, so, at double speed, for your turn, that puts you at, sorry, 60 speed? So 120 feet. So you get over the edge to the bottom tunnel and about 40 feet inward, so you're down close to where you guys were hiding before.

MICA: Okay.

MATT: The dragon comes through from the whole distance there, trying to catch up with you. It gets down and lands on the bottom.

MICA: Okay. Right.

MATT: As it slams down, I'd say, yeah, because it drops. It doesn't even try and fly, it just falls. Hits there. (deep inhale)

MARISHA: Oh god.

MATT: He's going to take a deep breath and blow outward. At 40 feet out from it on the ground, it will catch you in its breath. I need constitution saving throws from all three of you, please.

SAM and LAURA: All three?

MATT: Or sorry, just the two of you, sorry, sorry, my bad. They're fine, you're fine.

LAURA: (pretend sobbing)

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

SAM: Don't you have some bonuses?

MARISHA: Oh yeah, do I have a bonus, Bless?

TALIESIN: I didn't Bless, did you Bless?

LAURA: I Blessed us.

MARISHA: You blessed, right?

MATT: You cast Pass Without a Trace, though.

LAURA: I did. Sorry.

MARISHA: 11.

MICA: I'm going to use my Luck and I'm going to roll again.

MATT: Go for it.

MICA: Because fuck that one. Oh thank god, oh, I'm an owl, though, right? Okay, so that's--

MATT: Good luck, because he's rolling shitty so far.

MICA: That is, and you said constitution, that's just a 13.

MATT: That is 61 points of cold damage to each of you.

MICA: I turn back into Reani.

MARISHA: No, it's a dex save.

MICA: Oh fuck.

MATT: You turn back to to Reani.

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: But you're already at the bottom at that point.

MARISHA: 67?

MATT: 61 points of cold damage I think, is that right?

LAURA: 61, yeah.

MATT: So you get 61, and so any leftover damage goes to you in Reani form.

MICA: Okay, so 61 minus 19 is what?

TALIESIN: Um, 51-- It's 42?

SAM: 42.

TRAVIS: Siri, what's 61 minus--

MATT: So you take 42 points of cold damage,.

MICA: I'm still up, I'm still up.

MATT: Okay.

MICA: Jesus Christ, I'm still up. Ha!

LAURA: The minute the dragon passed us, I'm Dimension Dooring me and Nott to the other side--

MARISHA: Get it, get it, get it.

LAURA: -- of the cavern.

MATT: You guys leap over to where it was.

SAM: What do we see? Is it in ice, or--

LAURA: Can we see the mithral?

MATT: You can see the faint blue glow. You have to rummage through to get to it, but you can see it, you both reach out, grab it. It still has a bit of ice around it. Freezes your fingers to the touch, it hurts, it burns to grab--

LAURA: I'm resistant.

MATT: So you grab it and like (groans). It burns the skin, but it's fine, it's fine, you can deal with this, so you take half damage of the frost on it. Double ones. You take one point of cold damage as you grab the frozen iceflex mithral.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: I'm just going to quickly look around.

MATT: Make a perception check.

(laughter)

SAM: Just four.

MATT: Just four? I mean, easy to see, all of these is just piles of gold and silver and platinum, you can see chain mail glowing, you can see weapons, this is a dragon's hoard that is half frozen and half exposed or covered in snow and slush. All around you, everywhere you look in this moment of clarity--

LAURA: You want to take your action and grab something and then we will bamf, but do it--

SAM: Do I get a movement and action?

MATT: If you want it.

(laughter)

SAM: I will move, grab one thing and run back to her.

MATT: Okay. Okay.

SAM: Move, grab the first shiny thing that's exposed.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Whatever it may be.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And run back to her.

MATT: You reach and grab in a pile and pull out a rainbow-colored stone that has layers of color to it. You look at it briefly and the colors shift slightly, and you rush back.

SAM: Pretty good.

LAURA: Can I use another action?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: I'm going to Dimension Door us again.

MATT: Oh, that's right, you can't, you used one action this turn to rummage through and find the mithral, so you can't do it this turn.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: Yeah, we also Dimension Doored over here.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I'm sitting.

MATT: Okay, if you Dimension Doored over with your action, I'll say technically you're still rummaging through to get the mithral, you're just now pulling it out, okay.

LAURA: As you ran over and got shiny thing, I got the mithral, okay, okay.

MATT: So now, your guys' turn.

MARISHA and MICA: Hut, hut.

LAURA: Can you book it?

MICA: No, I'm going to Wild Shape into an ice spider queen.

MARISHA: The hut, get to the hut.

MATT: You're going to Wild Shape into an ice spider queen?

MICA: I'm going to Wild Shape into an ice spider queen.

MATT: All right, is it a bonus action for you, because you're Circle of the Moon?

MICA: Yes, it's a bonus action.

MATT: Yes, you do, bonus action.

MATT: You watch as Reani turns into a replica of the ice spider queen in front of you. You are--

MICA: How far away is the hut?

MATT: You're 40 feet in, you guys put that about 145 feet back, right?

MICA: Fuck us in the ass for that.

MATT: So you have about 100 feet to get to that.

TALIESIN: But you can double speed.

MATT: 95, 90 feet to get to the dome, because it's a 10-foot radius.

MICA: So is that only 60 for me? If I double it?

TALIESIN: Yeah, you're 60 feet.

MICA: God mother fuck.

MARISHA: I'm going to jump off the spider.

MATT: Uh-huh.

MARISHA: And run.

MATT: Okay. So you run a distance of, your speed is 45?

MARISHA: 90 feet.

MATT: So 90 feet, double action.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

MATT: Okay. So that's your, so yeah, you can make it just into the dome from here.

TRAVIS: I'm like--

SAM: Are you in the dome?

TRAVIS: Yeah, Caduceus and I are, yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm going to be just hanging by the door, seeing if I need to help anybody.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I'm inside, but like--

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: The three of us are in here.

MATT: All right. So you three are in there. You see Beauregard rush through and just barely make it inside. Her hair and flesh is frostbitten and covered in snow and ice. She's like (shivering), shaking with just absolute interior frozen cold.

MARISHA: Reani?

MATT: You move at double speed, is what, 60? It's 30 foot speed?

MICA: 30 foot, yeah.

MATT: So yeah, you're just running away. That gets you-- you'd have another 30 feet before you make it into the dome. The dragon does have a turn, though, as soon as you're running--

MARISHA: Does Caleb have a turn?

MATT: Caleb has a turn.

TRAVIS: Don't fucking go out of that dome.

MATT: Caleb can't cast anything out of the dome.

TRAVIS: You sit your ass in there.

MARISHA: Fuck, you're right, you're right, you're right. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay.

LAURA: The dome is so important.

(laughter)

MATT: The dragon, at this point, after landing and breathing the blast of snow, it's too thin-- I mean, the space in here is about 25 feet wide. It can't fly through, so it loses its fly speed.

TALIESIN: How close is the spider at this point? How close is she to the dome?

MATT: She is roughly 30 feet out at this point.

TALIESIN: I'm just going to, as coming, I'm just going to try and pop a Bless on you, Caleb, and Beau.

MATT: Okay. Blesses are all up and around. All right. It is now the dragon's turn. The dragon will see if it gets its breath weapon back. Yep.

LAURA: Of course it does.

MATT: Of course it does.I'm so sorry.

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

MATT: So--

MARISHA: Roll high.

MATT: I just rolled five and then a five again for getting its breath weapon back. So go ahead and make another constitution saving throw for your ice spider.

TALIESIN: With a d4.

MICA: With a d4. I'm going to use my other Luck, because that was shitty.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Yes, come on.

MICA: With a d4. That's 10 plus-- still only 11.

TALIESIN: Does it have-- with the damage resistance, though.

MICA: Yeah, well that's-- yeah. I fail it, 11.

MATT: 64 points of cold damage.

MICA: No, 32.

MATT: Because it is resistant, so you take 32.

MICA: I am still a spider!

MATT: You're still up?

MICA: I am still a spider!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: That's the way to do it.

MATT: All right, now it's your guys' turn. So using your next action, you now have rummaged through while--

LAURA: I have the mithral.

MATT: You pull the mithral out and you now have it in your hand, and it's freezing your hand. You run over. Do you want to head back to Jester or do you want to try and make another pull from the--

LAURA: Fuck it, get something else! If I've got to waste a whole other action just before I can even do my Dimension Door.

SAM: You're not ready yet? All right, great! I'll go over to another pile and just grab something.

MATT: Okay, roll an investigation check for me. With disadvantage because you're drunk.

SAM: That was-- that hit the side. With disadvantage?

MATT: Because you're drunk.

SAM: Oh, that's right, you're right.

LAURA: God. Oh god!

SAM: That's okay, 18.

MATT: 18, okay. You go ahead and reach in. Out of the corner of your eye, you see like a faint blue glow and you reach in and grab, your fingers touch something. It has a weird moving metallic texture and it's cold to the touch, and you pull it out and drag it over, and as you reach over and you look in your hand there is a piece of like chain mail that's dangling out of your hand.

SAM: Just a piece of chain mail?

MATT: Like a chain shirt.

SAM: Oh, it's a chain shirt. Okay, cool. Jester, we're alone in a dragon's lair. Think how much the Traveler would love a dick in this place. Or at least a pamphlet, something!

LAURA: Oh, okay, yeah.

MATT: So both of your action this turn. You get to contemplate what you do next turn while the dragon is still distracted at the moment.

LAURA: For my bonus action.

MATT: Yes?

LAURA: Can I at least pull out one of my little Traveler figurines that I made a bunch of with my paint?

MATT: Yeah. Okay, I'll allow that. Coming back, you're up, Reani.

MICA: I use my actions to sprint into the hut and turn back into Reani. Wait, wait, wait, question, how far away is it?

MATT: 30 feet.

MICA: 30 feet? Cool, so I want to use--

MATT: 30 feet will get you just to the cusp of it. You'll have to action to try and move the rest of the way.

MICA: Fuck it, I'll do it!

MATT: Okay.

MICA: I'm inside now, please.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: You don't even have to-- yeah.

MICA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Ice spider.

MATT: Using your whole turn, you rush in, skittering through the snow, up on the side, as you can, you know, wall walk on the ice without issue, scooting right in as the spider would be too large to enter the actual interior of this dome and would push other people out just from pushing in, right as she hits the barrier, Reani (whooshes) shifts back into regular form.

MICA: Before I shift back, I would like to use a bonus action to expend one spell slot to regain some hit points.

MATT: Okay, is it a bonus action to lose your form, or do you drop it as a free action? That's my question.

MICA: Ah, fuck. I think I drop it as a free action.

MATT: Double-check here.

TALIESIN: It's been a little while.

MICA: It's been a while.

MATT: ♪ It's been a while ♪

LAURA and TALIESIN: ♪ It's been a while! ♪

MICA: It just says you can revert back to normal form as a bonus action.

MATT: So yeah.

MICA: Never mind, all right, that's fine.

MATT: Yeah, the spider's too big to fit in there, so it's up to you.

MICA: I'm in a hut with a cleric.

MATT: Okay.

MICA: So I'm back in.

MATT: You come rushing in, that extra bit of movement as you push in, and right as you're about to-- you guys see the spider just barreling towards you, like this isn't going to work, this isn't going to work! Right as it impacts, reverts back into Reani, and you guys catch her with the momentum that she had rushing forward. She is far more frozen and in pain than you expected, given the spider form, but still surviving and standing.

TRAVIS: Oh my god, oh my god.

MICA: Just tears streaming down my face.

MATT: All right. You guys.

MARISHA: Come on, come on!

SAM: What do we do?

LAURA: I'm going to Dimension Door us out of here!

SAM: What's that purple thing over there?

LAURA: Do you want to look at it while I set the Traveler thing down and then Dimension Door.

MATT: Okay, you glance over, and you see locked into the ice of the wall, there's some strange metallic contraption. You don't recognize its make. It looks weird and alien, and that weird blue pulsing glow that's just slowly lighting and then fading, and lighting and then fading. You've never seen something of this type of construction. It's mostly embedded in the wall, and it's huge. It's like 20 feet tall, five feet wide. You have no idea what it is.

LAURA: You can't get it--

SAM: I can get it out. It'll be very loud.

LAURA: No, don't get it. Don't get it out, it's fine.

SAM: What is that thing?

LAURA: I don't know! I'm going to set the Traveler figure down exactly where it can see it.

SAM: But that purple thing could be important.

LAURA: I don't know. Nott, our friends could be dying down there! We have to go save them.

SAM: You're right.

LAURA: I'm going to Dimension Door us.

MATT: To?

LAURA: The opposite side of the dome.

MATT: Okay. (whooshes)

SAM: (gasps)

MATT: You guys appear, the dome right there, and in that brief moment of like, oh, we made it, you watch as Gelidon leaps towards--

LAURA: Step into the dome.

MATT: --the dome, and you guys step in right as you watch this large, ancient white dragon (snarling)--

(screaming)

MATT: --just like scraping on and biting, its jaws opening, grinding at the side.

(screaming)

MATT: Slamming into the side as hard as it can. So what's happening? You guys are all inside the dome.

SAM: Do the circle, draw the circle!

TALIESIN: You can't!

MARISHA: Oh ja, I take out my licorice-- Inside? Yeah, it's not concentration.

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

MATT: So it'll take a full minute. All right, so Caleb begins drawing the circle across the ice. You're setting it down. You see the dragon's like angrily roaring and slamming its claws, and on the opposite side, you can see a handful of yetis that apparently have come in since you last arrived are like, nope.

(laughter)

MATT: They just turn the other way.

(laughter)

MATT: You watch about 20 seconds in, Gelidon's anger subsides, and begins like a caged lion stalking around.

MICA: Oh no!

MATT: The inside of the circle. About 40 seconds in he goes, "Where do you think you're going?"

SAM: Oh no.

MICA: Oh no.

MATT: (sniffing) (snarling) 50 seconds in.

TRAVIS: We didn't want to disturb you.

TALIESIN: For the record, we're really sorry. I just throw seven platinum out the door.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: We're really sorry.

MATT: Mark seven platinum off.

(laughter)

MATT: "I know your scent now."

MARISHA: Five seconds.

SAM: Mister, mister, are you sure you can cast this inside this place?

MATT: (blowing)

LAURA: (screaming)

MATT: Unleashes a torrent, you watch the ice (cracking) crackle up around and form this igloo dome over the outside, right as the circle is finished. You see it (whooshes), all of the same runes flair, familiar from before. You have six seconds.

LAURA: Get in!

(all shouting)

MATT: You all rush in, that brief moment as you feel the air pull out of your lungs and you all stumble forward, gravityless, and then land onto the wooden, warm floor interior of the Vellum Steeple in the middle of Uthodurn. As you all push through, knocking over a table, as one of the various archivists there loses all her papers, "(shouts)," and everyone turns around and glances down at you guys, breathing heavily, covered in frost, sweating. And that's where we'll end tonight's episode.

(shouting) (laughter)

MATT: So if you're cool to join us for a little bit next Thursday--

MICA: Yeah!

MATT: We'll finish out the rest of this little mini story with you.

TALIESIN: I can't feel my toes!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: You did so good! You did so good!

MATT: There were some clever moments in that. I'll give you that, man.

TALIESIN: That was so clutch. The spider was so clutch.

MICA: The spider saved my life.

LAURA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: The spider saved a lot. Dimension Door saved a lot. Invisible drunk-ass goblin saved a lot.

MATT: (laughs)

MICA: And Fjord sat there watching it all happen.

MATT: Damn, guys.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MICA: I need a drink.

TALIESIN: I don't feel good.

MATT: Oh, we'll get a drink after this. That's the plan. Oh man.

SAM: I'm shaking.

MARISHA: Yeah. I can feel it, I can feel my neck.

TRAVIS: He said he knows our scent scent now.

MICA: Oh fuck.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah he did.

TALIESIN: We don't smell that-- it's going to take him a while.

MATT: You don't know if that was an idle threat or just get into your mind, or if there is something to it, who knows? Dragons are weird.

LAURA: He's an ancient dragon.

MICA: I can just imagine everybody take nap somewhere and a dragon shows up and goes "I found you!"

TALIESIN: Those two weird machines, that was just a TiVo and a Netflix. I mean, like, he doesn't leave that cave.

MATT: Yeah, it's like the hoardiest of hoarder dragons.

TRAVIS: I love how one of them was a TiVo.

TALIESIN: Yeah. He's a dragon, he doesn't get out much. He's old.

MATT: He's about a decade behind the times.

TALIESIN: He doesn't know how Netflix works. Doesn't have grandkids.

MATT: I was super excited for that. I had no idea how that was going to be done. There was a lot of possible pieces around here-- like, I'm fucking-- I'm all about that, man. That was awesome! Okay.

SAM: That map!

MATT: And thank you to Dwarven Forge. Most of these pieces are from their Kickstarter last year, but they haven't shipped yet, so they were nice enough to send out a lot of these sample prototypes for use in this map--

SAM: Oh really? These are prototypes?

MATT: Yeah, a lot of them are. So these sets will be available I think in a couple months, so thank you Nate and the whole team at Dwarven Forge for letting me play with this awesome ice set for this.

TALIESIN: This die didn't roll too badly.

MATT: But yeah.

TALIESIN: Oh, there it was.

MATT: Okay, well. We'll pick this up next Thursday. (laughs)

MICA: If I'm still alive by then.

MATT: Yeah, if we all survive until then.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm going to heal everybody. It's all good.

MATT: Until then guys, thank you for joining us tonight, as always, we love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night.

(cheering and laughing) (dramatic music)