Transcript:Blessing in Disguise

List of Transcripts

The following is an unofficial transcript that does not include the pre-show or break, and may contain errors and missing dialogue. It will be replaced with the official transcript when it becomes available.

C2E95 - Episode 95 - Blessing in Disguise

MATT: So, last we left off: the Mighty Nein have found their way to Kamordah and the mountains northward to try to engage with the old crone, the Prism Sage, Isharnai, to break the curse that still holds Nott within her physical form. A deal was struck through the use of memory-altering magic via Jester, and you escaped without conflict for the time being with the creature. You battled some undead in the swamp as you fled into the night, and after survival and a safe rest, you made your way back to Rosohna, where you collected yourselves, your intent, and asked Essek if he could help transport you to the Whitedawn Lagoon, where it seemed visions of Caduceus’s Wildmother-given journey and finishing what his family had set out to accomplish, lie.

After transporting yourselves to the exterior of the jungle where it seems the Circle of Beasts, the oasis that contains one of these collections, the Stone Family in particular, that is the next step of this vision quest. You made a parasol for Essek and sent him on his way, and you began to traverse the dangerous jungle. A short time into your journey, rest was taken, a night was set, and in the middle of your evening’s watch, Jester was called away from the camp spot, by a familiar green-cloaked figure. Called by the Traveler to the shadows of the jungle, the Traveler revealed a lot more about his past than you were previously aware, learning that the Traveler may not be entirely a god in the sense that you had anticipated or believed, but had discovered Jester many years ago as this entity traversed the land, saw chaotic kinship within her, and this worship that Jester gave, this love and trust that was placed into this entity gave it purpose in a way it wasn’t expecting, which led to it seeking other people to join this family of belief and trust, and forthright interest in adding more chaos to the world around them. He also revealed himself to be a long-orange-haired fey entity and revealed that he had no idea what he was doing and he desperately needed your help. And that was where we left off.

As the Traveler, hood held back, standing above you, tall, lanky graceful limbs, eyes filled with mysterious age and anxiety, looking towards you, continues on: “I am not any less than I have been, though the pretense itself is a bit of trickery and I think that even you can appreciate that, Jester. I am Lord Artagan of the Morncrown, and I am the Traveler. You, Jester Lavorre, are my protégé, my most prized pupil. You hold the purest priorities to see the world turned on its head. I know I can trust you. Would you help me?”

LAURA: Well, obviously. MATT: Good, good. I knew I could believe in you. LAURA: I guess, Ar-artagan–? MATT: The Traveler is fine. LAURA: Traveler. Do you want this? Do you want to be a god? MATT: “I don’t know. I’m enjoying aspects of it. I’ve enjoyed the adoration. I’ve enjoyed the extensions of my tangled web finding its way to generally twist and tease the mundane idiots that seem to permeate this plane. But I’ve reached a point where I genuinely don’t know what to do from this point forward. I don’t know if I have too many followers. I don’t know if I should just cut free and run away.” LAURA: Well, I mean– do you get more power from more people following you? MATT: “It feels that way to an extent.” LAURA: If they follow you, do you have to answer them? MATT: “Not always. I mean, I haven’t always answered you. Though I wish I could have, trust me. I really wish I could have, but I’m a [JENGA]. LAURA: Well, I mean, whatever we decide, I mean, are you still going to hang out with me? MATT: “If you’ll have me.” LAURA: Okay, good. I would be really sad if you didn’t want to do that any more. MATT: “Oh, if I was to leave I’d take you with me.” LAURA: Oh, that’s fun. Where would we go? MATT: “All sorts of places. Now that the doorway has been open for some time, I think we can travel quite easily through many of the planes, maybe other worlds.” LAURA: Really? MATT: “This is but one of many Prime Materials. I’d be curious to see what else lies out there, hm?” LAURA: Me too! I mean, we have to take care of some stuff here first, but... Did you know what’s going on with everyone I’m hanging out with? MATT: “Not entirely. They seem rather boorish. Though I do worry that half-orc mama’s boy seems to have picked up on my recent sloppiness, if you will.” LAURA: Oh, well, he would never judge, you know. He’s actually really polite, and yeah, kind of a mama’s boy, but not in that way. I mean, he’s really reliable is really what it comes down to. MATT: “Your friends, your companions... what are their thoughts on... us?” LAURA: They all seem pretty supportive of it. Some of them are like, “Oh, I don’t know, I’ve not heard of him before,” and I’ve told them all about you, so they know– MATT: “Well, it’s still kind of a new thing. We’re working on it.” LAURA: Right. Right. MATT: “The branding aspect is its own challenge–“ LAURA: But I mean, here’s the thing. Should I be telling people about you? MATT: Well, of course. That was the whole idea. LAURA: Well, I know, but the more people I tell, the more people are going to want to rely on you– MATT: “I know.” LAURA: –and you’ll have to answer to them. What do we do?! MATT: “That’s why I’m here. I don’t know. I like the attention.” LAURA: Okay okay okay. Here’s an option. MATT: “Yes?” LAURA: What if at TravelerCon we establish you as this god that can always hear, but you’re more like the other gods, you know, that are like, Oh, you know, like okay, so Caduceus, he worships like this Wildmother? MATT: “I’m familiar.” LAURA: Yeah. And so like when he asks her questions, you know what she does? She blows the wind– MATT: “Nothing?” LAURA: Exactly. She does shit. So... and he’s like, “I sense, you know, I understand what she’s saying.” She’s not doing anything! But he thinks she is. MATT: “Interesting. And he seems... content?” LAURA: Yeah, yeah, he’s like totally into her. MATT: “People are strange.” LAURA: I know. So you could be like that, you know, where people ask you things and you don’t do anything and they’ll still think you’re doing something. MATT: “But I’ve already been so involved. Won’t they be disappointed if suddenly I’m just not appearing?” LAURA: Well, we just have to establish it as like there’s a new way of doing things, you know? MATT: “Interesting.” LAURA: Like you’ve gotten so powerful that you’re always, always with us, and you hear our thoughts, and you control everything. MATT: “So the party is a good-bye... kind of. Loosely.” LAURA: But not for me, not for me. Just for all those other people that are like less important. MATT: “And now they have friends, they’ve met, they can be with a community in their own right–“ LAURA: They can depend on each other. MATT: “I love that. Where anything that goes good, it’s because of me. If anything goes bad, it’s because of them.” LAURA: Right! Or, you know, they’ll find greater purpose in the bad things. They’ll be like, you know, “Oh, everything happens for a reason.” MATT: “That’s ridiculous. But–“ LAURA: I know. MATT: “--I’m happy for them to be content.” LAURA: I know, I know. MATT: “Nothing happens for a reason. It’s absolute fucking chaos.” (Laughter) LIAM: This guy. LAURA: So... I mean, one of the things we could do– What if I just had everybody, all my friends– MATT: “Yes?” LAURA: What if we got to TravelerCon and we were all like your high priests and high priestesses and stuff. And like we helped establish how the religion was going to be, you know? We could show people how to pray to you if they haven’t done that before, you know? MATT: “Right. I will warn you, it’s a very eclectic mix.” LAURA: Are any of them as powerful as me? MATT: “No. Not at all.” LAURA: Okay, so we can totally fool them. MATT: “Yet.” (Laura stares at him) “What?” LAURA: Well, you’ve got to make sure I’m always ahead of them. MATT: “You’re doing great! I’m not– look, Jester, don’t worry. Just don’t get lazy.” LAURA: I’m never going to be lazy. MATT: “I know. Well, so we gather your friends, convince them to help. You act as acolytes, we have a celebration, shows–“ LAURA: Yeah, what are we going to do there? I mean, do we give away a concert, or like– MATT: “No theater. But--” (laughter) MATT: “Music. Music, perhaps. We could bring some performers in.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “Um, yes, refreshments–“ LAURA: Yeah, obviously. MATT: “Right, right. We could do some displays of power. I mean, it is a volcano. Maybe we could make it erupt.” LAURA: Well, just make sure, you know, that– well, I mean, that would solve your problems if like they all got wiped out at the same time, I suppose. MATT: “True.” LAURA: “Then they wouldn’t be relying on you anymore, but your power might get less.” MATT: “It’s not even about the power at this point. It’s about keeping it interesting.” LAURA: Oh, well, then you know, that could be something. But, you know, I’ll be there, and you love me so much. That would be not so fun. MATT: “Yes, no, valid point. No volcano. Yet.” LAURA: Wait till we leave. MATT: “Maybe. So... should it be like, “Ta ta,” and I leave into the sky– LAURA: I mean, maybe we could make you– MATT: “Turn to dust or–“ LAURA: Can you make yourself grow like super super super big? And like fill up the whole almost sky? You know, like this great big presence and then you lift up and you disappear and we’re like, (gasps) “He ascended!” MATT: “A visual ascension.” LAURA: Yeah yeah yeah yeah,. MATT: “And now I am with them at all times. Not answering a damn thing.” LAURA: Right, but they’ll think-- MATT: “I love this.” LAURA: --you’re even bigger than you ever have been. You’re answering to so many people you can’t possibly be there with them personally. MATT: “But they’ll have each other. Delightfully foolish. I love it.” LAURA: We’ll tell them you can also communicate through the wind. MATT: “I feel like that’s a bit hackneyed territory, to be honest.” LAURA: All right, all right. MATT: “Melora kind of leans in that space a bit heavy for me.” LAURA: Okay. Well, we’ll steer clear of that, I guess. But... MATT: “All right. Let’s table the miracle for now. I’ll put some thought to it. If anything comes inspiration-wise to you–“ LAURA: All right, but we should definitely come up with some kind of ceremony to make you ascend. MATT: “Right. All right. Okay. [JENGA] with flowers. Pillars. An archway. I’ve got some ideas.” LAURA: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! MATT: “Ooh, what?” LAURA: Can you open up your gateway and like bring some stuff in from another plane and that way people are seeing things that they’ve never seen before and it’ll make it even powerful and special there? MATT: “Umm... I could open a gateway. The gateway to my “home” realm is a bit stationary. But I can still give the essence of it.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “I can make it presentory, grandiose.” LAURA: I like it. MATT: “Illusory but effective, especially for the layman.” LAURA: Okay. And I will make programs, you know, to pass out to everyone so they’ll have like something to take home with them, and– MATT: “Keepsakes.” LAURA: Yeah, yeah. MATT: “Interesting. Things to chatterbox. Good, good. It’s important to have a physical memory of the occasion. A reminder. Good. See, this is why I came to you. I’m so bad with planning. I’m more in the moment and improvised.” LAURA: I understand. I mean, obviously we’ll leave room for craziness to happen. MATT: “Oh, there will be craziness, my Jester. Don’t you worry. All right. This has given me much to think about.” LAURA: Did you want to come say hi to everyone? I mean, they’re going to be your high priests and stuff. MATT: “They appear to be sleeping.” LAURA: That’s true. MATT: “Do they like being woken up in the middle of the night?” LAURA: I mean... MATT: “Why don’t we wait until breakfast, after they’ve eaten.” LAURA: We’ll eat, then you will like come in. See, we can fool them and make them think that you’re like even bigger than you are, right? So like they will see what we can do for them, to make other– it’ll be like a test run. MATT: “Okay, so, hm, all right. So we’re trying to trick your friends as well?” LAURA: Yeah, but then we’ll let them know. MATT: “I’ll follow your lead.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “You’ll know when I arrive.” LAURA: Yes, I will. MATT: (reaches out his hand) “Jester.” LAURA: Well, does this mean you’re not always with me? MATT: “It means I’ll be with you as much as I have always been. And if they’re not yelling into my ears so much, maybe I could be around more often.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “You’re still my favorite.” LAURA: And you’re always mine. MATT: “Go. Rest.” And he extends his hand and you watch as all the local bush kind of bends and pulls away– LAURA: Yeah, you do this stuff the rest of the time, though? Because this would really help our trek through the jungle. MATT: “Oh, I’m sure it could, but I’ve got a lot to do with the planning and the individuals. You understand. But I’ve given you some tools. I’m sure you can find your way.” LAURA: All right, all right. MATT: “If you rely on me continuously, how are you going to prove yourself?” LAURA: How will I be more powerful than everyone else? MATT: “Exactly.” LAURA: I’m going to find my way back. You don’t even need to make this path for me. I’ll take it, but you don’t need to. And I walk really fast away so that he doesn’t take it away as I make my way– MATT: He does this with his hand, and you watch little flowers go “Bloop bloop bloop bloop.” Kind of following your footfalls as you make your way through. “It can just be beautiful. It doesn’t have to be helpful.” And you run forward and look back and he’s gone. LAURA: My shoulders kind of slump. And I go back to my tent, the dome, and I sit down. Oh, man. Can you hear me now? Oh man. I go to sleep. MATT: All right. The watch goes uneventful throughout the evening, thanks to the protectiveness of the dome. The morning comes to. It is warm. As the dome itself vanishes at the ending of its duration, the humidity and the heat immediately comes in, sticky. You can hear the insects heavily starting to buzz around you. The air itself still has that kind of strange earthy sweetness to it, like various flowers and jungle plants are giving off aromas to attract insects or larger creatures towards them.– (looking at Sam’s flask) Oh my god, Sam. (It says Nott Topic over Nott in a Hot Topic CR sweatshirt) TRAVIS: You’re out of control. MATT: You all come to consciousness. MARISHA: Oh, bugs. LAURA: No, they’re not in here, don’t worry about it. TALIESIN: Well, they’re definitely in here. LIAM: The dome’s gone. MARISHA: The dome’s gone. LAURA: No... It’s so much warmer here than I... MARISHA: Everyone drink water. TRAVIS: Why? MARISHA: Because it’s hot, we’ve been sweating. [JENGA] wet? TRAVIS: I’m actually quite cool. MARISHA: Drink water. SAM: I go to reach for my flask. And it’s not there. ASHLEY: What are you looking for? SAM: She said to drink. MARISHA: Water. ASHLEY: Water. SAM: Well, it’s the same thing. There’s water in it. They use water to make it. LIAM: Here is my skin, Nott. MARISHA: I toss– yeah. Caleb beats me. LIAM: Great minds. ASHLEY: I open up the flask and I start drinking. TRAVIS: Oh, that seems cruel. MARISHA: (gesturing to give some to her) Hey, Yasha. ASHLEY: Oh, did you want some of this too? Here you go. MARISHA: Thank you. TRAVIS: I don’t know if that’s the most supportive thing– LAURA: Yeah, that’s kind of fucked. ASHLEY: But I feel like you throw a person into the deep end. Isn’t that the way you do it? And then they recover? TALIESIN: If you’re trying to drown them, sure, you throw them into the deep end. ASHLEY: But then they have to figure out how to swim. MARISHA: I wasn’t trying to prove any point. I was just being like super selfish. TRAVIS: I don’t think that hydrates you at all, though. MARISHA: I already drank like a bunch of water. TRAVIS: Okay. LIAM: What are we doing this morning? LAURA: Yeah, where are we going? Do you know where we’re going? LIAM: I can get us out of here if we want to go– TRAVIS: Oh, that’s right. That was the whole point of sleeping. LAURA: Wait, go where? LIAM: We could leave and head back to a city, or we’re traveling– LAURA: No! We’re going to– TALIESIN: We’re on our way. LIAM: Yeah. You’re ready? TALIESIN: Yeah. Yeah, I’m ready. LAURA: (Unconvincingly) Wait, wait, before we go, I have to pray to the Traveler. SAM: Oh, you pray daily now? LAURA: Well, yeah, it’s how I decide– he helps me figure out what I’m going to do for the day. TRAVIS: [JENGA] draw a dick on a tree or something. LAURA: Yeah, I’m going to go carve a dick on a tree. SAM: Okay, well, you should have just said that. LAURA: And say, “Hey, Traveler! We’re going to get going! We had some breakfast and I’m going to carve this dick. MARISHA: While you carve that, fifty pushups. Let’s go. TRAVIS: Oh, fucking... MARISHA: Come on. MATT: You guys power through your pushups, before you begin to hear this dull cracking sound. Right as Jester finishes her carving of the dick on the side of a jungle tree, you hear (cracking) as the outside of the tree begins to splinter and split. And from the edges of this carved dick, you see flowers begin to bloom and erupt from it. Vines begin to suddenly start shifting out of it at a rapid pace, and swirling around, almost encapsulating a large majority of this clearing you guys have been sleeping in, this fallen rotted log that you had set yourself to rest against, itself being swallowed by these vines as flowers of all colors begin to permeate. The scent of the air immediately begins to change to a very welcoming, almost bakery-like aroma. You can see glowing fireflies beginning to tangle through and swirl. The wind itself becomes cool and sends a chill through your back. Yet it’s alarming. But you feel comfortable. LAURA: Praise be! SAM: What is happening? What is this? TALIESIN: This is a bit weird. SAM: Did you do this? LAURA: The Traveler has made his presence known! MATT: You watch as the dick begins to fold into– that’s the basis– to fold into the tree and form a doorway. A small doorway that grows in size as... LAURA: He travels! TALIESIN: That doesn’t look comfortable. SAM: It grows? TRAVIS: You actually made a dick hole. LAURA: He travels everywhere! To and fro! He travels great distances! Because he’s a god! SAM: Why are you talking like that? MATT: A bright kind of teal-ish light begins to emerge from this carved hole in the center that opens up into an arched gateway. TRAVIS: Okay. LIAM: Now that is a urethra. MATT: And stepping from it, you see– to you, and a handful of you in glimpses, a familiar green-robed figure. TRAVIS: A few steps back. LAURA: I get down and kneel. SAM: Is this–? LAURA: This is the Traveler! SAM: I know, but– MATT: The hand reaches out and touches the top of Jester’s head. “Thank you, my acolyte. Hello.” LAURA: Everybody say Hi to the Traveler. LIAM: Hello. TALIESIN: How ya doin’? LAURA: He’s a god, so he’s really cool. MARISHA: ‘Sup. MATT: “Friends of Jester. You’ve traveled and kept her safe, and for that, I am thankful. We are on the cusp of a grand event, one that Jester may need your aid in.” SAM: Oh. LAURA: (whispering) Should we just tell them? TRAVIS: Understood. MATT: (whispering) “Should we just–?” LAURA: (whispering) Should we just tell them now? MATT: “If you want.” LAURA: I mean, we can tell them, I guess. SAM: What’s happening? What is this? TALIESIN: I feel like this is... LAURA: Sooo... there’s something really awesome happening that I just found out about. The Traveler is not actually a god god god– SAM: I’m sorry? LAURA: But he’s like a mostly god? MARISHA: Right. I go up and I touch him. MATT: Artagan’s pushed back a bit, and puts a hand up just as a reaction, and the vines around wrap around your arm and hold it in place. MARISHA: Can I parry them? Can I monk parry him? LAURA: He’s a god! MARISHA: I just want to touch him! MATT: Make a dexterity saving throw. MARISHA: Okay. TALIESIN: I believe in you. LAURA: I’m jumping up and trying to get between them. MARISHA: Where are my d20's? TRAVIS: The Traveler has taken your d20's. MARISHA: Okay. Dexterity saving throw? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: Okay. 22. MATT: 22. The vines come out toward you and in slow motion, as they’re about to wrap around your wrist, you pull your arm out and it snaps shut. He goes, “Shit.” MARISHA: I turn around. Yeah, not a god! LAURA: Hey, I said he’s almost a god, not a god god. Okay, so here’s the thing, I’m realizing now. Maybe at TraverlCon you don’t appear in the flesh. Like you just should not– SAM: What the fuck is going on? And what are you talking about? LAURA: Like you should always be like bigger, right? Because if you’re here as a person– MATT: You watch as the Traveler’s form suddenly swells to about 15 feet tall, the boughs cracking above him. (Cracking sounds) “I didn’t think this through.” TRAVIS: Jester, maybe not. Maybe back to normal size for the duration. TALIESIN: Maybe come back down here, friend. MATT: “Is this too much?” TALIESIN: It’s too much. TRAVIS: Oh, god. Jeeze. MATT: “I am the Tra– Eh.” Pulls the hood back and kind of sits on his knees. He’s kind of like– yeah, like huge fucking knees. He’s consuming half of this open space now, the vines still around, there’s still glittering firebugs, but now is just this sitting giant with the bright mane of orange hair, the elongated fey ears, the fine-pointed features. LAURA: I go up and pat his calf MATT: He puts a hand down. LIAM: Jester– LAURA: I climb on his hand. LIAM: Jester, to what do we owe this visitation after so many with you? LAURA: Well, TravelerCon’s coming up, right? LIAM: Ja, TRAVIS: Sure. LAURA: And we’ve got to figure out a way to make all the other people attending TravelerCon not have to talk to him as much. Cause it’s annoying. SAM: What does that mean? What do you mean? TRAVIS: This is a lot. Okay. So– SAM: Wait. First of all, who is this guy? LAURA: Oh, this is the Traveler. SAM: But you said that the Traveler was a god who’s been with you forever and whose faith you put– you follow– LAURA: Yeah, okay, so here’s the thing. I was thinking about it a lot last night, and I don’t remember you ever telling me you actually were a god so I can’t totally blame you for this. MATT: “No, it was kind of an assumption I wasn’t quick to correct. It felt nice.” LAURA: Right? ASHLEY: You just told her all of this last night? You thought, this whole time– LAURA: That he– MATT: “Was this a bad idea? Should I go?” LAURA: No, stay, please. LIAM: We have heard so much about you. LAURA: See? MATT: “I’ve heard a few things about you.” MARISHA: I saw you in Asarius. Did you see me? Or was that a mistake? Was I not supposed to see you? MATT: “I was probably running towards the end of my–“ MARISHA: Were you drunk? You were drunk. MATT: “I was not drunk. I was tired.” MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: If we may be so bold, an “almost god”. Is this what you would refer to yourself as? An “almost god”? MATT: (sighs) He sets Jester down a bit. “I am an unaffiliated what you would call an archfey.” SAM: What does that mean? MARISHA: “Arch?” SAM: Arch means evil, doesn’t it? Like an arch-nemesis? TALIESIN: Or half a circle. SAM: Arch-rival? It’s only used in bad things. MATT: “It means ‘greater--’” LIAM: Greater than. More than. MATT: “I can do many things. But I am not a god. And I’ve been enjoying helping people. I’ve helped Jester for the better part of two decades now, I think it is. And in doing so, I think I’ve helped all of you quite a bit.” SAM: But just to be clear, you’re not a god. I thought you were a holy magician. A holy mage. LIAM: I think he is more like this. (Snaps fingers) Frumpkin appears on the ground. MATT: “Ah.” SAM: But not him– her. MARISHA: Yeah, where do you get your powers from then? LAURA: From him. MATT: “That is also from me.” MARISHA: But you’re not... MATT: “Do you think gods are the only entities that can grant their essence and powers to lesser beings? What do you think demonic entities make choices with? I can already sense some dark deals in your half-orc friend here.” TRAVIS: Thank you. MARISHA: No, I just think it gives a little more credit to her, that’s all. MATT: “Oh, all credit goes to her. She’s amazing. But, just know, just because I’m not a god doesn’t mean that I’m not trustworthy or important or capable or a friend.” LAURA: He could kill all of us right now, if he wanted to. MATT: “I actually really could. It’d be very easy. But I’m not going to do that, because that’s not interesting. That’s not fun.” LIAM: What are you here to do? MATT: “Find things that are interesting and have fun.” LAURA: What if– Oh my god, ultimate trick. You don’t show up to TravelerCon? What if everybody gets there and you don’t come? MATT: “I mean...” LAURA: That’d be pretty great! MATT: It’s a pretty good trick. Oh, so many angry people!” LAURA: I know. I know, I know. MATT: “Are you okay with dealing with that kind of customer support?” LAURA: Well... MATT: “Cause if so, I’m all about it.” TRAVIS: You seem very forthright. To follow up on my friend’s question, what is it that you do want? Besides to have fun, any particular goal? MATT: “Not really. When you’ve lived as long as I have, good, bad, it all blends together. It’s about keeping things interesting. Fluid. Weird.” LAURA: If the gods think that you’re acting like a god, can they get mad at you? MATT: “Do I care?” LAURA: I don’t know. MATT: “I think it depends on the god in particular. I’m not doing anything to bother any of them directly, and it’s not like they can do much. They’re all locked away in their little ethereal closet on the other side of the Gate.” LIAM: Are they aware of you? MATT: “I’m sure they’re aware of me.” LIAM: Frumpkin the little Capuchin monkey starts climbing up his robes and up into his hair and swinging about. MATT: He doesn’t even– he acknowledges it with his eyes, but just lets it go. ASHLEY: Do you have a lot of followers? LAURA: Oh, yeah, how many people are [JENGA] MATT: “Maybe about a little over 200.” LAURA: 200! That’s so many more than I thought. I was thinking like not that many! TRAVIS: Jester, that seems like a rather small number, actually. I thought– MATT: “It’s a very curated circle of individuals, thank you.” TALIESIN: I’ve seen this face before on other people. LAURA: What are you talking about? TALIESIN: Oh, man, you don’t know what you’re doing, do you? MATT: “I like him.” LAURA: He’s the one who listens to the wind. TALIESIN: Yeah. What? MATT: “I can smell her on you.” LAURA: (whispering) He’s talking about Melora. TALIESIN: Oh, yeah. MATT: “She’s boorish, but I like her color scheme and style. It’s fine.” TALIESIN: I caught half of that. MARISHA: I thought that was mushrooms. MATT: “(sniffs) That is mushrooms. Very acute.” MARISHA: Thanks? MATT: “Anyway–“ ASHLEY: Feels like if you have this con or whatever, that a volcano is too large of a venue. TRAVIS: For 200 people. SAM: It doesn’t have to take up the whole volcano, right? TALIESIN: Depends on the size of the volcano. LAURA: I mean it’s not like we’re going to be in the middle of the volcano, are we? That seems dangerous. MARISHA: Beach party? LIAM: I think they are preaching exclusivity, is what it sounds like. LAURA: Yeah, we’re the elite. Everyone that’s at TravelerCon. We can make everyone think that only they were invited. There’s a lot more Traveler followers out there. MATT: “That is why [JENGA] the chosen few.” LAURA: Exactly. LIAM: And the goal of TravelerCon, besides being new and exciting, is to perhaps launch your faith to a greater reach? LAURA: That is a good point. MATT: “The opposite. It is to disengage a bit. Let them find each other and not bother me as much.” LAURA: Yeah, so the goal is to make everybody believe that he’s too powerful to be as present in their lives. So we have to show them that that’s not how you’re supposed to pray to him, that he enters miracles in different ways... MARISHA: How are you going to do that with exclusivity? It feels like a clash in– LAURA: Then they can go out and spread the word and let everyone know that this is how the Traveler works. MARISHA: Right, right. TRAVIS: You’re hosting a dinner party, a mixer, but with no guest of honor. MARISHA: With very high-profile guests. MATT: “Well, there’s a particular word, I think, that deals specifically with this, that’s been very prevalent through much of mortal history. The word is “faith”. And it means giving everything and expecting– and receiving, honestly, in the realms of religion– very little in return.” LAURA: [JENGA] a cult. I was really [JENGA]. MARISHA: Well, it’s a cult. LAURA: Well... MARISHA: That’s a cult. LAURA: No, no, no. That’s faith. LIAM: It’s a thin line. MARISHA: Wait, wait, hang on. We’re doing way too much planning and there are like other questions– SAM: Yeah, there’s other questions first. MARISHA: Hang on. SAM: You said that you’re in this for the LOLS a little bit, like you just want to make fun and trickery and stuff. What happens if my friend Jessie says no, or you grow bored of her? You told us that you could kill us. Is she in danger? Does she have to follow you? MATT: “She doesn’t have to.” LIAM: You want to abandon these– LAURA: I won’t abandon you. MATT: “I know you wouldn’t.” SAM: Okay, what about us, though. If we don’t say yes, are you going to kill us? MATT: “I’m not going to kill you unless you give me a reason to.” SAM: Well, if we say no to this TravelerCon– LAURA: That’s not a good reason. He knows I love you all. LIAM: I think in this instance we are just concerned for our friend Jester. The other 199 or what have you, we do not know them, but are you with her for the long haul? Because she has great faith in you, we have heard– MATT: “And I would never let that faith down.” MARISHA: Insight check. MATT: Make an insight check. MARISHA: Okay. Oh my god, it’s terrible. Eight. No, nine. MATT: Nine? There is such a presence of personality and slick in spite of your prickly nature– MARISHA: Fuck, he’s good. MATT: –a likeable quality to him, that you have no idea. MARISHA: Okay. Okay, keep going. SAM: All right. I guess I feel slightly more relieved that you’re not intending to harm any of us. But backing up to the TravelerCon a bit. Your plan is to get 200 people together, and just trick them– LAURA: Well, we’re figuring it out! We have to figure it out, okay?! It’s a lot of pressure! SAM: I am not the best one to speak to this. Caduceus I feel is, but I feel like if you’re going to establish a group, that is supposed to support each other, or be there for each other, you need to give them something. And I’m not talking about an object or money or anything. Something to be faithful in. A set of guidelines, precepts– LAURA: Yeah, this is what we’ve got to figure out, right?! SAM: Something to follow. A code, right? LIAM: Yeah, a [JENGA] or a manifesto or– LAURA: But that’s the whole point of what the Traveler is, is to not have that. We just... TALIESIN: You need a story. SAM: Thank you, Caduceus. MATT: “A story.” MARISHA: Yeah, like what do you believe in, man? SAM: What do you want the world to be? TALIESIN: When people talk about you, what do you want them to say? MARISHA: Yeah, what are your adjectives? LAURA: This would actually help me a lot, because I am very bad at this. SAM: She has been describing you to people in pamphlets– I’m sure you’ve seen them– as a really cool guy– LAURA: Have you seen the pamphlets!? MATT: “I have not seen any of these pamphlets. Show me.” LAURA: Oh, my god. I go in my bag. Here. SAM: They say that you’re a really, really cool guy. MATT: Gargantuan body holding this tiny pamphlet. SAM: A really cool guy who does really cool things. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: And you’re super-powerful. MATT: “This is ridiculous. I’m sorry.” And with that, there’s a swirl of greenish blue and he’s back to a regular, though still taller than most of you, form. And he’s looking at the pamphlet. LIAM: Frumpkin’s sitting on his shoulder. MATT: “This is quite good. The artistic details on this. And the margins as well?” LAURA: Thank you. SAM: Yeah, but I mean this pamphlet, while amazingly designed and beautiful– LAURA: Thank you. SAM: I don’t feel it’s a– it’s not something your followers would carry around and be like, “Have you rread this book!?” It doesn’t have that kind of heft to it. MATT: “Here’s the thing. You ask me what I want. That’s a hard question to ask me. I’ve wanted many things. I’ve gained many and grown bored and I’ve forgotten some and not cared. What matters is what I want right now. And I think what I want right now is to successfully continue to build a religious cult–“ LAURA: Ohhh. MATT: “Where only you and I and the rest of us know the truth. Because my, what a trick that would be.” LAURA: It’s pretty great. MATT: “It’s pretty great.” LIAM: [JENGA] sea-org. TALIESIN: I am so conflicted. SAM: I mean, first off, maybe use “club” instead. Club or organization. LAURA: Religion. MATT: “Oh, outwardly, yes. I just thought it was a fun term already thrown out.” MARISHA: Super-fun. LIAM: I’m also sensing a theme of more of a rejection of norms and structure, so perhaps the message is throwing off the shackles of... SAM: Conformity. LIAM: Of conformity, tradition– MATT: “Responsibility?” LIAM: Ja. Hedonistic. MARISHA: Chaos Crew. SAM: Chaos Crew. LAURA: Chaos Crew. SAM: No one can see this over here. TRAVIS: So your objective is to have fun, and not to achieve some sort of tax-exempt status, correct? SAM: The third one’s silent? MATT: “I have no interest in monetary gain, if that’s what you’re enquiring about.” TRAVIS: I mean, if no one’s getting– hurt... LAURA: I bought enough fabric so that all of us can be high priests at TravelerCon. MARISHA: Should we [JENGA] for a minute? MATT: People being tricked is fun. Extremely shitty people being tricked is so much more fun. And there are so many shitty people just waiting to be tricked.” LAURA: That’s true. MARISHA: You know... ASHLEY: I think I’m just confused about how– I feel like you’ve been trickng Jester. It’s just– if that’s part of your thing, I don’t know how I feel about that. MATT: “Not intentionally. I understand where your concern lies. But have you found yourself trusting and caring for other people and yet keeping things secret to yourself, keep them safe? To make them feel comfortable?” TRAVIS: He’s good. ASHLEY: Yes. I feel like that’s different, but yes. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: “I didn’t intend for this to be what it was, but it was this young girl’s joy and faith in me that brought me on this path. If anything, she tricked me.” LAURA: (laughs) I mean, you gave me a lot of powers, you know. He didn’t lie about that. MATT: “And they’re still scrubbing the paint from that temple, by the way.” TRAVIS: Oh, yes. LAURA: They were so mad. MATT: “Oh, I can tell.” MARISHA: You don’t want to deal with the day to day struggles of being a god. You want to retire. MATT: “Why do you think the gods went behind the Divine Gate? Because it was to preserve the things that they created because of the Calamity? No! They got bored of having to do the bidding of every mortal at their feet, and they left to take vacation forever and occasionally send a bit of power their way.” LIAM: Well, you know, the lot of us certainly trust Jester completely. And we also know a great many shitty people. I wonder if we help create the best TravelerCon that ever was, if maybe we could make it a full circle and you could help us with some of those shitty people. MATT: “Oh, I already have been.” LIAM: We know. We have seen it. MATT: “As long as you have her around, you’ll have me around.” LIAM: Well, we would have to put on a very good show, then. MARISHA: Here’s the thing though– LAURA: No theater. MATT: “No, absolutely not.” MARISHA: With Yasha, those things have repercussions on like a grander scale. LIAM: Which bits? MARISHA: Sometimes if you trick dumb, stupid, idiotic people, it informs the rest of their lives. LIAM: But I’m not talking about dumb, idiotic people. I am talking about the most intelligent, ruthless people in this world. TALIESIN: I mean, Beau is right. I was a big fan of practical jokes, and– TRAVIS: You were? MATT: “You were?” TALIESIN: Things could get out of hand on occasion. It’s been a while. MATT: “I knew I liked him.” TALIESIN: If things do get out of hand, it can be a problem. I’m not going to speak more on the subject right now, but... MATT: “Well, you just don’t know how to escape. LAURA: I know, you just have to bamf away. MATT: “It’s only a problem if you remain to be there for it.” LAURA: You turn invisible, you run away, you Dimension Door... there’s so many options. TALIESIN: I’m not really a runner. LIAM: All I am saying– MATT: “You don’t have to run, it can be just an easy step. [JENGA]” LIAM: All I am saying is this. And I cast Seeming, and everyone’s wearing green robes. LAURA: Oh, I didn’t even have to buy the stupid fabric! MATT: You see a big smile curl across his face. LIAM: We have done a great many great things together. LAURA: Make mine have more embroidery! LIAM: It has more embroidery. LAURA: Yes! LIAM: I have no intention to harm innocent people, but we could create something unique. A bit of life, in a hard life. We’re in control of ourselves, we do not have to harm anyone. Unless they are people who deserve to be harmed. MARISHA: That is a super intense responsibility and requires a certain amount of ego to say that– LIAM: Hello, my name is Caleb Widogast. TALIESIN: I don’t know if I can subscribe to that, but I owe Jester a great deal, and it would be unconscionable not to help you with whatever path you are moving towards, either for the delight of crowds, or to keep anything from getting out of hand. SAM: I agree that I’m just here for Jester as well, and if these people are going to come to the volcano and expect something, I suppose it would be more fulfilling for them to get some sort of a show than to leave disappointed and empty. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: But I’d prefer it if they were set up with some sort of path to success or happiness, rather than just being tricked for trickery’s sake. LAURA: Right. We want them to be happy. It feels good to believe. SAM: Your belief in the Traveler has helped you a great deal, not just because he’s bestowed upon you powers, but also he’s given you friendship. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: And it would be nice to give the other people at your Con that same potential. MATT: He walks forward towards you, Jester, seeing the hints of doubt and small cold trickle of sorrow, of the reality that you’ve been wrestling with since the evening. Kind of just reaches out and touches your chin, and goes, “Words are just words. I’m what I’ve always been, and what you’ve made me. This has not hanged. If anything, I trusted you with this because of what we have. I’m sorry if you’re disappointed.” LAURA: I’m not. I guess I was just– I really did think you were always around. And now I feel like maybe that’s asking a lot of you. MATT: “I think, if we pull this off, and if we do it right, we could leave a hundred and ninety-nine or so individuals still content, with new friends, some defined direction, perhaps, in the way they go through their day-to-day as they slowly walk towards the days of dusk. And I’ll have more time to be around you.” LAURA: I like it. MATT: “All right, then.” TRAVIS: If Jester has faith in the Traveler, then that’s good enough for me, I suppose. MARISHA: I agree. I think, to Caduceus’s point, you’re the story. LAURA: Huh? TALIESIN: You’re not wrong. MARISHA: The Traveler needs a story. You’re the story. LIAM: Yeah, you are the poster child. MARISHA: He helped you first. He changed your life. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: You’re his story. Or more like– LAURA: I will be the keynote speaker. MARISHA: I think it’s more than that, but yeah. Keynote speaker. SAM: What is the story that you’ll tell as the– I mean, are you going to do a demonstration of the gifts he’s given you? LAURA: Oooh! That could be pretty cool! MATT: “All right.” SAM: Maybe you could– LAURA: You could make me seem more powerful than I am. Like, Caleb, you could do some really cool stuff, right? SAM: Or what if you walked into there in tattered clothing, because you’re just a peasant girl with nothing. You’re even feeble. Your hands don’t work or something like that. LAURA: Yeah. Ooh, I could have no hands. SAM: No hands, and then, because of the Traveler, you can paint amazingly. MATT: “Are you saying an organized religious event where fake individuals rise from their low place to a high one for the purpose of convincing the masses that there is a miracle. Such a thing’s never been done.” SAM: Did I just invent that? MARISHA: Canon. TALIESIN: I don’t think that’s what you want. MARISHA: I agree, LAURA: Why? MARISHA: Your story’s awesome already. Don’t– you can be a cleric of a trickery god. But don’t fool them in faith. Tell them the truth. LAURA: And then fuck with them a little bit, because I mean, you’ve got to. MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. TALIESIN: You want storytellers. You want showmanship. You want people who will create events, create art, create things that people will see that will confound them– MATT: “To take this story and begin to share their own.” TALIESIN: And you want to show them the truth– MATT: “Well–“ TALIESIN: A certain truth. LAURA: They go back to their hometown, and they set up a temple, and they get followers there, and then those followers get followers, and then those followers get followers. That’s how you build a religion. TALIESIN: They have a word for people who do that, already. They’re called Jesters. LAURA: What? TALIESIN: The trickster who shows the truth. I mean, how did you end up with that name in the first place? LAURA: Well, I thought it sounded cool. I thought Jesters were people who made people laugh. SAM: You chose your name? LAURA: Well, yeah. TRAVIS: Your mother did not name you? LAURA: Well, she did, but she told me I get to choose my own name. SAM: What did your name use to be? TALIESIN: I don’t think tieflings– there’s a tiefling thing if I recall– SAM: Did you have a name before this? LIAM: What did your mother call you, before Jester? SAM: What was your mother’s name? LIAM: For you. TALIESIN: For you. LAURA: Genevieve. SAM: Genevieve? MARISHA: (laughs) You’re Genevieve? SAM: I mean– TALIESIN: That’s a perfectly reasonable name. SAM: Jenny. MARISHA: Sorry. TRAVIS: I think that’s lovely. TALIESIN: I do too. LAURA: I like Jester, okay? Jester. Jeeze. MATT: “It’s a much better name.” MARISHA: Your name’s Jenny? LAURA: No. Call me Jester. SAM: Genevieve. Genevieve Lavorre? TALIESIN: I think the point is that you should be what people aspire to. We shouldn’t have to trick people about you. You should be elevated. You should be the success. You’re everything a disciple of the Traveler should be. No sense to lie about that. LIAM: I think you just show who you are on a grand scale. Which is pretty grand already. MARISHA: That’s the truth. LAURA: Thanks, you guys. I’m pretty great right now. TRAVIS: You could still add to your story, you know. Like maybe an evil wizard tried to kill you when you were a baby, and the curse rebounded and left a scar on your forehead? No? Okay. Scratch it. MATT: “No one will buy into that.” TALIESIN: That’s ridiculous. SAM: Maybe we tell Jester’s true story, but it sounds like you’ll still need something fabricated to make you disappear or fly away or whatever. MATT: “We have an idea already. I’ve got a few weeks to workshop it. Don’t worry.” LAURA: Yeah. We’ve got to figure this out, man. TRAVIS: Well, while you’re here and you seem to have quite the range of vision, is there anything we should ask about the Stones and your particular journey, Caduceus? LAURA: (laughing) They think you’re going to answer things for them. TALIESIN: Well, I wouldn’t mind a finger pointed in the right direction, as we are about to begin our hike, but as for information, I wouldn’t be so foolish as to ask you. MATT: “I will tell you, tall pink furry man. He who bows to the winds. Your answer lies there.” He points in the direction of the jungle you were traveling already. LIAM: I– oh, behind me. TALIESIN: For all that you have done before, I thank you. MATT: “Nevertheless, sorry to intrude upon your breakfast. I– TRAVIS: We get visited by non-gods all the time. LIAM: Where do you go when you’re not here? MATT: “All over.” LIAM: Where are you going next? MATT: “I’m going to visit an old friend.” LAURA: Who? MATT: “That’s a story for another time. But wherever I’m going, it’s definitely ashy. I’ll only stay for a bit. It’s bad on the skin. Anyway. Travel safely.” He steps back in the doorway where he originally emerges. The tree begins to (closing sounds)-- SAM: Who’s on the Tal’Dorei Council!? MATT: You hear a distant scream as another falls dead. LAURA: Oh, no! He said every time we ask, somebody on the Council dies! SAM: Oh, no. LAURA: Don’t do that! LIAM: What does he do, does he go backward through the– MATT: There goes Vex’ahlia. SAM: Oh, no, Vex’ahlia’s dead. TALIESIN: With proper training, you can learn to do that. MATT: All the vines pull back a bit, but they don’t entirely vanish. Instead, they form this beautiful vision of a doorway, with all these beautiful flowers around it, like this intricately carved-looking art piece where the door once was on the outside of this tree. It seems so out of place amongst the chaotic jungle, and there in the center is a beautiful glass relief in the shape of a carved dick. LAURA: I run up and I grab one of the flowers and I give it to Yasha. LIAM: Did it spit out my monkey before it solidified? MATT: Yes, it did. TRAVIS: “Spit out my monkey.” SAM: Jester! TALIESIN: That was nice. SAM: Are you okay? LAURA: ...Yes... SAM: ARE you okay? LAURA: It’s going to take a little bit of time. I am not going to lie about that. TALIESIN: Yeah. LAURA: I feel a little...confused. SAM: Of course. He was lying to you your whole life. LAURA: Well, he didn’t, though. He never was like, “Jester, I’m a god.” I was like, “Oh my god, you’re so powerful, you must be a god.” I said it to him. SAM: He didn’t correct you. That’s the same as lying. LAURA: Well, no, that’s not the same as lying. That’s just not saying. MARISHA: Well, we call it lying by omission. LIAM: At the same time, he has helped you complete many miracles. We have seen it. LAURA: Yeah, I mean– TALIESIN: I will admit, I get the appeal. LAURA: I’ve never seen anyone who wasn’t in service to a god be able to do the things that I’ve done. MARISHA: Which is why I hope you have a sense of validation right now. There’s been this part of me for a long time, that I was 100% convinced– I kind of talked about it with Fjord at one point– I think I did, or maybe I imagined it– LIAM: You are losing the thread. MARISHA: That you created the Traveler. That he was a figment of your imagination and that you just kind of birthed and then went off and– it’s kind of all just you– LAURA: Whoa, you think I could do that? MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: You kind of did. MARISHA: Cause you kind of did. TALIESIN: That’s true. MARISHA: I feel kind of validated as well, so I hope you feel even more validated. LAURA: But he was super-powerful the first time I saw him. I mean, like– LIAM: I don’t know how we would verify that, either, that– LAURA: Well, I mean– MARISHA: You’re super-powerful. LAURA: He was a little kid when I first saw him. And then he wasn’t. And then he was, and then he wasn’t. That was pretty powerful stuff. TALIESIN: I’ve done that once, so I consider that to be very impressive. TRAVIS: You’ve done what? TALIESIN: I was a little kid, and then I wasn’t. (Laughter) TALIESIN: Anyone can do that. It’s not impressive. ASHLEY: But he wasn’t a real little kid when he met you. That’s how he befriended you. TRAVIS: He made himself appear that way. LAURA: Yeah. Well, yeah. MARISHA: He told you what you needed to hear. LAURA: Don’t most gods? SAM: It sounds like you also told him what he needed to hear. He clearly needs you, too. He’s asking for your help at TravelerCon– LAURA: Sure. SAM: But more than that, over the past– how old are you? 14? 15? I have no concept of– LAURA: 14 or 15? SAM: Well, I mean, that’s how you act. LAURA: Oh, do I really? SAM: No. You’re just so cute. But for all that time, he’s been coming back to you for a reason. He needs you. He needs your validation, and he needs your support. LAURA: It’s not just that he needs my validation and he needs my support. He likes me. We’re friends. SAM: I know, but that’s pretty impressive. TRAVIS: Jester, can I ask an important question. He’s never asked you to harm anyone, right? All these tricks, they’re not at the physical expense of anyone. Everyone’s going to be safe and have a laugh afterwards, right? It’s not ever going to end in someone being hurt? LAURA: He definitely gives me the ability to hurt people. I mean, you guys have seen that. LIAM: Yeah, but only in defense of yourself and us, not for giggles and shits. MARISHA: Fjord’s got a point. LAURA: I mean, that’s not what he’s after. You heard him say, it’s boring to him. Just going out and killing someone– what’s the point, right? LIAM: Yeah, he’s looking for fun. He’s not looking to strangle anyone or something like that. LAURA: Exactly. MATT: Been there, done that. TALIESIN: I can’t tell if you walked up to that or not. I really can’t. TRAVIS: I mean, a cult is all well and good. I don’t know a ton about them, but I feel like the story on cults is that, I don’t know, people normally die en masse. LAURA: The only experience I have with cults outside of apparently my own, is... MARISHA: The Angel of Irons. LAURA: Yeah, and they were real bad. TRAVIS: Yeah, not great. LAURA: But I don’t think that means that we have to be. Are we a cult? Oh, man! TRAVIS: He literally said, you’re a cult. LAURA: I know what he said, Fjord. MARISHA: But I think this– I think TravelerCon could be the deciding factor. It could be the turning point. TRAVIS: Of what? MARISHA: Of making it a cult versus a religion. TRAVIS: No, it’s a cult. MARISHA: It’s a cult. TALIESIN: It’s– SAM: But we could make it a positive cult. We could make it... LIAM: Yes, this is the thing. SAM: We could look at this as not a problem, but a cultitunity. Like an opportunity to make a– LAURA: Cultitunity. SAM: To be good. To make these people have good lives. Or at least– I don’t know. It’s a cult. LIAM: I agree– well, the semantics, cult, religion. What is very obvious is that he trusts in you, as do we, and if he is looking to you for guidance, if you are his number one, perhaps you have the ability to decide what this is in the world– LAURA: I mean, yeah, that’s the thing! I think I do! MARISHA: You do. LAURA: I mean, we got to figure this out. I mean like... TRAVIS: Jester, how do you feel about all this? You thought he was a god before. He’s not. It doesn’t sound like he’s even close. How do you feel about being able to decide what he will become? LAURA: Well. I don’t think he wants to be a god god. I think... I don’t know. I feel like it’s a lot of pressure. I feel a little overwhelmed. I’m not going to lie. ASHLEY: What does he really want then? If he doesn’t want to be a god? LAURA: I think he wants the power. He enjoys the people worshiping him. He likes the compliments. TALIESIN: I did get a sense of ego. LAURA: I mean, it’s understandable. He’s really powerful, he’s super cool, and he’s very handsome. Now that I’ve actually seen his face, it is as handsome as I thought it would be. TRAVIS: [JENGA] that much, but sure. LAURA: I’ve never seen eyebrows quite that large. I wonder how he gets them like that. MARISHA: He should honestly tweeze a little. LAURA: No, no, no. MARISHA: I mean, I’m just saying. LIAM: At the end of the day, it is an awful lot to process for you and for us. Perhaps maybe we– I mean, I feel like we’re all picking at you quite a bit. Maybe you need just some time to mull it over. SAM: I’m going to be doing some meditation soon. Maybe you can join me. LAURA: We can both meditate. SAM: Yeah. MARISHA: I’ll lead you in another guided meditation. Everyone kind of fell asleep in the last one. LAURA: I didn’t fall asleep. TALIESIN: Well, I fell asleep. TRAVIS: Okay. TALIESIN: Regardless, we’re here for you, and we trust you. SAM: Yeah, and if you want to put on a great show for these people, we’ll help you do it. LAURA: Because it would be helping them, right? I mean, how much of a bummer would it be if they all got down to TravelerCon and it was like “Just kidding.” MARISHA: Just sandwiches and tents. LAURA: Like a mattress on the ground or something. That would suck. LIAM: But you are more creative than that. You just need some time to let this sink in. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Hey. I just give Jester a bug. LAURA: Oh, Beau. Thanks, Beau. SAM: I’ll join the hug. LAURA: Oh, thanks Nott. SAM: Chaos hug. LAURA: Chaos hug. MARISHA: Yasha. (Yasha awkwardly pats her back) TRAVIS: All right, well, we were here for a reason. Should we–? SAM: Oh, yeah. TRAVIS: Should we continue on? LAURA: Sorry, Caduceus, I didn’t mean to hijack– TALIESIN: Oh, no. There is no hijacking. This is all part of the journey. This is good. LAURA: This doorway is really beautiful, though, isn’t it? TALIESIN: It’s very impressive. ASHLEY: It is very beautiful. TRAVIS: It’s a big dick. LAURA: It’s a little dick in glass. ASHLEY: Does that look like a big dick to you? MARISHA: Wait, what do you see? TRAVIS: Comparably, yes. Huge dick. Someone could walk through that dick, yes. LAURA: Well, it’s just a little dick on the door. The whole door isn’t shaped like a dick. TRAVIS: Oh, I thought it was the whole door. TALIESIN: I thought it grew. I thought it was– LAURA: No, it’s a door, and then there’s a little glass– TRAVIS: It’s a big glass schlong. LAURA: I’m just going to leave one of my Traveler shrines. MATT: Okay. You go ahead and set that at the base of the beautiful wooden doorframe. You gather your things? Are you guys heading deeper into the jungle in the direction that you were previously traveling? TALIESIN: Just imagine the grove from Nightmare Before Christmas, going down the– wha-? TRAVIS: Pumpkin, clover....mushroom tip? TALIESIN, LIAM, and TRAVIS: What’s this? What’s this? (Laughter) LIAM: There’s penis everywhere! I’m going right in. (Bonks head) MATT: Anyway. First off, who’s– what’s the marching order here, as you continue into the jungle? TALIESIN: I’ll take the front. LIAM: In green robes, still. You got seven-and-a-half more hours of it. LAURA: Sweet. TALIESIN: Camouflage. MATT: All right, Fjord behind Caduceus. LAURA: It is good camouflage. TALIESIN: I might get some customization, if you’re going on that. LIAM: What would you like? TALIESIN: I’d like a big mossy green– almost like whatever would be the swamp Keyleth special. LIAM: All right. So the shoulders– MATT: There’s enough space through a lot of this jungle to travel in pairs of two. So it doesn’t have to be single file right now. So you want to put Fjord up front with Caduceus? TRAVIS: Sure. TALIESIN: Sure. MATT: And then Beauregard in the back. And who’s with Beau? LIAM: I will go with Beau. MATT: All right. MARISHA: Empire kids! LAURA: Where’s Nott? MATT: Nott, where do you want to be? SAM: I’m going to be next to Yasha. LAURA: Okay, I’ll go in the back. SAM: Just kind of looking at my flask. LIAM: At eye level. SAM: Yeah. Dangling in front of me. MATT: Continuing on, the gentle occasionally fading in and out sense of distant sea, ocean air meets with the earthy smell of ferns and plants and general jungle scents that fill the space. Occasionally catching the scents of rotting citrus, as well as other elements of decay that normally come across carcasses and other creatures that have been hunted or died, seemingly naturally within the jungle. Caduceus, make a perception check. Actually, you and Fjord both make perception checks, please. TALIESIN: Natural 20. TRAVIS: Seven. TALIESIN: 29. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: I’m just letting Decompose go everywhere, by the way. I’m leaving a trail. I’m in a mood. MATT: Okay, good to know. LIAM: Insult my god, will you? TALIESIN: Oh, no, I’m fine. MATT: Continuing forward, you catch pretty early into the first hour or so of your travel, small patches of what looks like dark blue and purple fungus that’s set in some of the trees, where like an oddly colored mushroom grows out of a strange material that appears strung to or attached to elements of tree trunks and nearby rocks. Just little patches of strange fungus. TALIESIN: You seem odd. Are you odd? LAURA: Hm? TALIESIN: I’m talking to this guy over here. LIAM: Fjord? TRAVIS: Yes? MATT: You can make a nature check if you like. TALIESIN: That’s not useful but here we go. If I’m going to nature check, I’m going to give myself a d4 on this. I suck at nature. Ooh, that’s better. I rolled a 14, so 13. MATT: 13. No idea what this fungus is. Unfortunately. It’s different and you’re uncertain if it’s natural in this space, because its coloration and its placement is very splotchy and definitely contrasts with the general themes and coloration of the jungle around you. TALIESIN: I’m going to back up a bit and just tap a bit with the tip of my crystal staff. MATT: Okay. It shifts slightly. It doesn’t seem to react to the impact. LIAM: Does it resemble any kind of component or ingredient that I ever worked with, at the Academy? MATT: Make an arcana check. LIAM: Oh, gee. Jumped up. 14...24. MATT: 24. No, actually. But not only do you not recognize it, you’re fairly certain that in all of your research, this is you have not come across in your time at school, which lets you know that this isn’t something that you’ve used previously or learned about as a material component. LIAM: I’ll pull out a small knife and just give it a little [JENGA]. Anything happen? MATT: It cuts off a little bit. What you do catch as you’re cutting through is– the fungus itself is pretty thick, but as you cut away, behind it is almost a waxy-like substance, like a bees wax type material, that is coated over the section of the tree where the fungus is growing from. LIAM: I will take that fungus and I will wrap it in some cloth and put it away. And I will pull up some flame in my hand with a cantrip and just hold it close to the wax. MATT: Okay. It slowly begins to melt. You watch it drip down in these little beads. And as it begins to rapidly burn away, due to your pressure and the heat, it begins to give way to what looks like bones. TALIESIN: We’re on the right track. TRAVIS: We’re on the right track? TALIESIN: Yeah. TRAVIS: Because the trees are made of bone? I feel like you’re not sharing enough information. LIAM: Do you mean the tree has bones, or they’re like little bones shoved in there? MATT: The tree itself isn’t bones. But the wax substance that is there that the fungus is growing out of– it looks like it’s trapping in something that had bones. LAURA: Little bones or big bones? LIAM: Yeah, little tree bones? MATT: From the one you’re looking at right now, small bones. Make a nature check. ASHLEY: So the fungus is growing out of the bones? MATT: Sorry, medicine check for you. LIAM: Medicine? MATT: Yes. LIAM: 18. MATT: 18. There is damage to the bones. They are scarred, kind of pockmarked across the surface. And you gather the damage to be acidic in nature. SAM: Acidic damage, killed the thing, and then– LAURA: Something’s going to do acid damage around here. Something’s going to do acid damage around here. MARISHA: Anyone got stuff? LAURA: I start looking around at plants that look like they would shoot out acid. LIAM: So some sort of living thing is either collecting creatures and sealing them in after they have disposed of them, or maybe the tree itself? SAM: A spider? TALIESIN: We’re going to be coming into contact with some very unusual creatures. MARISHA: Like man eating plants? TALIESIN: Things that you’ve never seen before. TRAVIS: Things that YOU’VE never seen before. TALIESIN: Things that nobody’s ever seen before. TRAVIS: Fair enough. That’s worse. SAM: ROUSes? LIAM: Any stories in your family? TALIESIN: Just the one. “--would feed these limbs to the beasts that water there so that they would hold my mark. Upon this site you shall build a Menagerie whose beasts shall be my gift to the Changebringer, to remind her that nature is infinite." We’re going to see some interesting things. Many of them possibly dangerous. LAURA: Do we need to write stuff like that down for the Traveler too? Like some really cryptic-like– MARISHA: It’s a really good idea. It’s like really good propaganda. SAM: It’s good material. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s not bad. ASHLEY: Yeah, that was great. LAURA: Will you help me? Did you write that stuff? TALIESIN: Of course not. These are the same stories that have been told in my family for generations. ALL: (general chatter) MARISHA: The more high-falutin’ you are– LAURA: Should we just say that we’ve had those for generations and share them with the rest of the people? SAM: Sure, but we need to get them first– MARISHA: Wait! Wait! Wait! God! Why do we keep doing– TALIESIN: I’m keeping an eye out for whatever is being tracked here. MATT: Okay, no worries. LIAM: As the group gets louder. MATT: Continuing on from this point, you don’t see them often. Like every five or so minutes you’ll see a few patches in an area. They look to be relatively small. And even the bones that you pulled from that, they looked to be probably of a larger rodent, like a vole, or some type of a burrowing rodent creature. You do, about another hour or so into travel– once again, you’re beginning to sweat beneath your armor. It’s uncomfortable but you’re still keeping vigilant. Just even your passive perception you pick out, now that you know what to look for, one larger patch. It looks like a four-foot by three-foot patch that is actually kind of bulbous on the side of a tree, that sits where some rocks are pressed into its base roots off to the side. The fungus is larger. It’s the same type of fungus, but it’s growing, and where previously it was small little stalks, some of them are like three inches in diameter. And the actual ends, the caps, are about that big (a foot-ish). TALIESIN: I’m keeping a resistance buff up as I walk. ASHLEY: I recognize these things. SAM: Wait, what? TALIESIN: Did we meet at Coachella? MATT: Make a nature check. MARISHA: Do you have an Instagram? TALIESIN: Great feed. ASHLEY: Ten. MATT: Ten. Sadly, you do not recognize these. LIAM: Press on? SAM: On we go, I guess. TALIESIN: Press on quietly. Keep an eye out. MATT: Caduceus, Fjord, both make perception checks once more for me? TRAVIS: Fuck you. TALIESIN: Oh, fuck you. LAURA: Oh, no. TRAVIS: Six. TALIESIN: 16. SAM: Oh. MATT: 16? TALIESIN: For me, that’s terrible. MATT: Okay. What you do see as you continue onward about two more hours, one, there are a number of living creatures in this jungle that you see sifting through the boughs, you see fleeing as you approach, the heavy footfalls as you crunch through the undergrowth sending them scattering a bit. You’re not being quiet. You’re not clomping through to make noise, but you’re not carefully steadily going through in a stealthy way. Unless you want to begin to do so. But you can see the woodland creatures and the various denizens scatter as they go. You begin to notice beyond just these occasional patches, you begin to see what looks like strange piles of freshly turned earth. Bright red vibrant earth, impressive in size, like maybe four or five feet from end to end and two-and-a-half feet tall. MARISHA: Like an anthill? MATT: Like an anthill type of a thing. You come upon one just over cresting an area. You see it about thirty, thirty-five feet ahead of you. TALIESIN: I’m going to keep an eye on the ground. Is it shifting? MATT: It is not shifting. TRAVIS: What about the canopy of branches above us? MATT: You look up there. You see another patch of that waxy element that’s kind of soft up there. You see part of it has melted away over time, and you can see elements of what looks to be a long, almost baboon-like skeletal arm that is mostly dissolved and decayed that’s hanging out of it, with the same fungus growing beyond it and it slowly eroding. TRAVIS: Just in case, I’ll activate Divine Sense. Within 60 feet, any celestial, fiend, or undead presence? MATT: Okay. You don’t sense anything. LIAM: I ask in my mind Frumpkin to go scurrying up a tree and plant an arm on her shoulder and bamf into Frumpkin and will go along for the ride to try to get close to this hill, this pile of dirt. If there is any vines or anything hanging down close to it, I will let him scurry down that. If not, I’ll let him chance his way on the ground, get a closer look. MATT: Okay. There’s no vines directly above it– well, there are a handful that have kind of like fallen, but none that would lead directly to it. Frumpkin would have to leap down, or probably step up towards it. LIAM: Okay. That’s what I will do. Frumpkin, at a tree closest to it, goes down to it and begins to slowly creep up and I tell him to look over and inside. MATT: Perception check on Frumpkin. LIAM: Never good. It is 12. MATT: Looking at the pile, it does not appear to be moving. There does not appear to be any sort of cavernous anthill-like entrances or tunnels. It looks very clean. LIAM: I tell him to pick up just a random stone, if he can find one, and toss it in. MATT: Throws it. (Stone rolls) No reaction. LIAM: I tell him to run into it and scurry around in a little circle and then run out. MATT: Okay. Runs back. Nothing. LIAM: I summon him back. I just had a look. I thought maybe that it would swallow him up, but nothing like that happened. SAM: Good. Right? TALIESIN: I don’t think that’s their purpose. LAURA: What do you think their purpose is? TALIESIN: I think their purpose is either to digest what’s already– it’s already dead. TRAVIS: Those mounds in front of us. They’re earth, right? They’re not like huge piles of shit? MATT: It looks like freshly tilled earth, though it’s a bright red soil, which is very much contrasting against the jungle floor. But the jungle floor is mostly underbrush and decaying vegetation. Like you haven’t probably seen raw exposed dirt, and if you have, it may have had a reddish tint, but it’s been kind of a dirty red. This is very fresh, bright, vibrant clean red. MARISHA: Can I just crouch down and just dig a little pit next to me and see if it’s red underneath? MATT: Sure. Make a nature check. MARISHA: Natural one. MATT: Okay. SAM: Why are you eating dirt? MATT: You scoop through and it’s loose. It isn’t packed tightly, and it just crumbles in your hands. It’s fresh earth. LAURA: How big are the piles? MATT: About five feet from end to end, and about two-and-a-half feet tall. So it’s pretty... LAURA: Can I– use your staff. I don’t want to stick my finger in it. Put your staff in the middle and see if it helps. TALIESIN: Why would I do that? LAURA: What if there’s something in there? TALIESIN: I don’t want to poke it. Just leave it alone. LAURA: Yasha, use your sword. TALIESIN: Yeah, I wouldn’t do that. TRAVIS: I have one responsibility on this team. I’ll summon my sword and I’ll poke the hill. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Okay. It... TRAVIS: No fire ants come pouring out of that shit? MATT: Nope. Not at all. SAM: Baby spiders. ASHLEY: Can I pick some of it up and kind of mouschle it? Add some water and it’s like clay or something– don’t you have something to do with clay? LAURA: Oh, yeah. TALIESIN: Not here. MATT: It crumbles. It’s very clean earth. SAM: Don’t you pour my booze onto that. TRAVIS: And it’s like four or five feet high? Like a– MATT: Two and a half feet high, about five feet long. LAURA: And can we– have we looked up to see what– has it dropped from anywhere? TRAVIS: No, there’s like a baboon-like carcass covering the wax up there. SAM: Maybe it’s just poop. ASHLEY: How many [JENGA] again? MATT: You only see one right now. LAURA: I don’t think it’s poop. It doesn’t smell like poop. MARISHA: Just one? MATT: Yeah. SAM: What if it’s like old poop from a big elephant? TRAVIS: Well, this is [JENGA]. Let’s keep going. LAURA: I’m going to dig around– I’m going to go look at the dirt not in the pile. I’m going to get rid of some of the leaves and foliage on the ground and see what color the ground is. MATT: You dig through. The earth itself beneath is a similar reddish color. But it’s all very suffused with dead vegetation, and grayish decaying matter and roots that are thick and thin, like a network of plant capillaries that are heavily sifted through. It looks like it’s the same earth, but the earth you see in this pile is clean. SAM: Clean dirt. That’s crazy. LAURA: Why would anybody bring clean dirt here? MARISHA: It’s got to be ants or something, right? SAM: Yeah. LAURA: Giant ants. TRAVIS: I’ll also cast See Invisibility, with the sword out. Just for the next hour. MATT: You got it. TRAVIS: Just in case because jungles are creepy as fuck. MARISHA: Let’s just go– SAM: Let’s keep going. MARISHA: –around it. SAM: Yeah. Yeah. MARISHA: And I’ll be on the lookout for others. MATT: All right, so you guys continue to move forward– LAURA: I swish my tail, and try to bat some of it away as we walk past it. MATT: It scatters easily, as loose dirt is wont to do. Continuing on, about another 15 or 20 or so minutes, you immediately see another mound of similar coloration of clean dirt situated, and about 30 feet beyond that, you see another very large mass of this same waxy substance. Probably about 12 foot high and 13 foot end to end, that is held between two trees. It’s almost like blocking one pathway. It is covered in fungus, heavy large fungus. Elements of it have spread onto the sides of the tree. SAM: Like a web? MARISHA: Or like a hive? MATT: Like a giant cocoon. MARISHA: It’s– whoa. I look around and– TRAVIS: Anything with See Invisibility or Divine Sense? MATT: Nothings with See Invisibility. Nothing with Divine Sense. MARISHA: Wasps? Flying creatures? Flying things? Flying–? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: The dirt pile is the new chair. MARISHA: Why am I rolling like ball sacks tonight? Nine. TRAVIS: What do ball sacks roll like? SAM: Not very well. MARISHA: Like garbage, clearly. They have no grip. TRAVIS: They actually do have.... MARISHA: I don’t know. I don’t have one. MATT: It depends on how well it’s kept. MARISHA: It can do [JENGA]. That’s not bad, that’s not bad grip. MATT: Anyway. You don’t see anything wasp-like. You don’t see any nests, or hives or anything in the vicinity. Just the standard continuing– though the fungus is growing more dense in some places. You can see smaller patches of this wax and that one large cocoon-type wax structure that you can see between the two trees. TRAVIS: Red light that thing up. LAURA: Ooh, maybe just like a little bit of fire? To see like how the wax is when it melts. TALIESIN: That seems... LIAM: Well, I could go more precise, but I would have to get right up to it, or I could throw a little bit from a distance. TRAVIS: (singing) From a distance. LAURA: Well, maybe don’t do like the middle of it or anything. Just look for a little open patch of wax and see what it does. You know. SAM: We’re just going to burn a bees nest? A cocoon of some sort? TALIESIN: That seems like a foolish thing to do. Is Decompose touch, or is there some distance to it? MATT: Well, if you want to look it up real fast. TALIESIN: That’s actually a very fair point. I’ll look it up. SAM: (chanting) Roll! Testicle! Roll! Testicle! (LAURA, SAM, and MARISHA start singing the intro) TALIESIN: And there’s no movement coming from any of this? There’s no shifting? MATT: Not that you can tell, no. LAURA: And the dirt pile– what if there’s like– are there any holes in the ground that we can see? Where like the dirt would have come from? Like it’s been displaced? MATT: Around it? Not necessarily. LAURA: What if I go over and I move a little ways. Is there a hole in the ground? MATT: Jester walks up to the mound and starts shifting large amounts of the dirt out of the way. It does kind of continue below. The soft, clean earth goes a bit deeper beneath just the surface of the jungle. ASHLEY: I’m going to go over and help her. MATT: You push back quite a bit. It takes you a little while to do so, about 20 or so minutes to fully remove it from the top. TALIESIN: Is it all just red, or is there any other color? MATT: It’s all red. And it’s all clean. It is lacking in any sort of the other bits of vegetation and organic matter that you see suffuse the dirt around it and the ground. LAURA: Does it smell like– does it smell like regular old dirt? MATT: It does. It does. TALIESIN: When I touch it, when I put my hand into it, and I cast Decompose, do I feel anything? MATT: Nothing. It is pure, clean, red, earth. LIAM: I wonder if we are dealing with some sort of oversized earthworm or the like, chewing its way through and cleaning what it leaves behind? TALIESIN: I don’t– hm, maybe not. LIAM: You say it goes down a bit? You dug in a ways? ASHLEY: Yeah, I got pretty far. I wonder what would happen if you got in it. LAURA: That far down? MATT: That far down? I mean, you get down about three feet and it’s still going. LIAM: And we cannot make out what is in this giant gob of wax you have described here? MATT: Not at this distance, no. LIAM: No. TRAVIS: If only we had like a Capuchin monkey that would dig down into this hole, and... SAM: I’ll go. Want me to go look at this thing? LIAM: Or we could completely go around it. TRAVIS: What about the big waxy cocoon? No one’s going to poke the thing? LAURA: What if it has something to do with you, Caduceus? What it the cocoon has to do with you? TRAVIS: Shoot one of your fucking arrows at it. SAM: Sure, I’ll shoot an arrow at it. LAURA: Nott! TALIESIN: I think that’s a bad idea. SAM: Why? It’s just going to– I mean, there’s either something in there, or not. TRAVIS: I totally agree. MATT: Are you shooting a bolt into it? SAM: Well, I’ll wait till I have quorum. TALIESIN: This is a holy site. This is a place of death. SAM: Oh. Okay, well then, I’m not going to do it. TRAVIS: Should we be announcing ourselves? MARISHA: How do you know that? TALIESIN: Where I’m going. MARISHA: All of this is holy place? SAM: This is your place? TALIESIN: We’re not there yet, but– MARISHA: Well, then it’s not a holy place. TALIESIN: This may be part of it. LAURA: Well, what are we supposed to do then? What does your old story say? TALIESIN: They don’t talk about it. MARISHA: Should we shoot it or not, Caduceus? LIAM: While everyone is debating, Frumpkin on two legs just slowly stumbled up while they debated and is already there, and I’m going to have him just crawl up it and go (taps). TRAVIS: To the waxy cocoon? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: (tap tap tap) It taps. It’s like a hard waxy shell. There’s a lot of fungus around. LAURA: Is it all that same kind of fungus? Or is it all different kinds? MATT: It’s the same type of purplish blue fungus, just much larger and it’s in patches, not completely covering it, but a lot of it. Probably about 60 or 70 percent of it is covered by the– TALIESIN: I’m going to walk up to the little bit of it and put out my staff. And... Do you play well with others? I’m going to invite it into my staff to see if it– if they get along. MATT: It doesn’t seem to respond. TALIESIN: Interesting. SAM: Oh, well. LIAM: And it doesn’t respond to Frumpkin skittering all over it and knocking on it with his monkey paws? MATT: Frumpkin isn’t skittering kind of through. Do you want Frumpkin to physically jostle the fungus? LIAM: Can he cover it up and just, yeah, give it a little (shake). See if it does anything. MATT: Okay. Frumpkin gives a heavy jostle to one of the larger mushrooms. One of the caps there, and it kind of pulls back a little bit, kind of recoils slightly, and then (air explosion) this cloud of spores (air explosion) comes out in about a three or four foot range from that cap. MARISHA: Caduceus! MATT: Go ahead and roll a constitution saving throw for Frumpkin. LIAM: For Frumpkin? Oh, sure, that’ll go well. LAURA: We’re not by these spores, right? We’re not close to the spores? TALIESIN: Don’t irritate the plant life. LAURA: Please don’t turn us into [JENGA]. LIAM: Constitution you say? Ten. MATT: Ten. Frumpkin is poisoned. SAM: Poisoned. LIAM: Does he take any instant damage, or is– MATT: No damage. LIAM: Okay. MATT: Just poisoned. MARISHA: Is he going to poof in like six seconds? LIAM: No, if there’s no damage, he’s not. LAURA: Some poison does make you poop in like six seconds. TALIESIN: There is talk of an oasis and a red and gold veined cave. LAURA: Red and gold. TALIESIN: Maybe this is where that’s from. They’re just stories, is the trouble. I’ve never seen it personally. LAURA: Don’t oases usually have water? TALIESIN: They do. LAURA: Hm. MARISHA: Red and gold? TALIESIN: Red and gold. LAURA: I don’t see any gold, though. MARISHA: But red like the soil? TALIESIN: Red like the soil. LAURA: What if we melt the wax and it turns like yellow? TALIESIN: I don’t think that’s... MARISHA: I don’t know, she’s got a point. TRAVIS: Isn’t it a problem if Frumpkin is poisoned and...? LIAM: Well, he has never been poisoned. I don’t know. Are you okay? MATT: (monkey sounds, barfs) TRAVIS: Bring him over here. I’ll call Frumpkin over and I’ll lay on hands for Frumpkin. LIAM: He leaps onto Caduceus’s staff and fireman down, and then scurries over to Fjord. TRAVIS: I will use Lay On Hands for the first time and neutralize a poison. MATT: All right. SAM: You can do that? LAURA: Wha...? MATT: So you use five points of your– I think it’s five, right? Five hit points of your Lay on Hands? LAURA: That many? How many times can you do that a day? MATT: Twice, technically, I think. It’s five per level. LAURA: You wasted it on Frumpkin? What if one of us gets poisoned? SAM: He’s an animal lover. TRAVIS: Frumpkin takes chances. I like that. LAURA: Sprinkle. Go check out that waxy stuff. (Laughter) MATT: And Sprinkle, who’s still poofed up like this furred collar around the back of Jester’s head, just recoils deeper into her coat. TALIESIN: That’s okay. LAURA: He’s not going to do it. MATT: You guys want to keep moving? What do you want to do? LIAM: Did that cure Frumpkin’s poison? MATT: Yeah, Frumpkin is no longer poisoned. LIAM: Oh, hey. You are with Fjord today. And he skitters up leg all the way to the top and sits on his shoulder. LAURA: Caduceus, you tell us. What do you want us to do here? Do you want us to leave it alone, or keep going? Do you want us to fuck with this cocoon thing? What? TALIESIN: My instinct is to leave it alone– SAM: All right, then let’s keep going. LAURA: Let’s keep going. MATT: Okay. SAM: It’s good imagery for your religion. LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m drawing all of these things in my sketchbook. SAM: Where the wax drips large. TRAVIS: You don’t want to melt the waxy cocoon to see what’s underneath it? LAURA: I mean, I do– LIAM: We could get some distance from it– TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back up. LIAM: Let’s get 50 or 60 feet back. TALIESIN: All right. LAURA: But what if it has to do with Caduceus’s stuff and then we’ve ruined his whole family, or religion. LIAM: Well, you are leading this expedition, so really– what do you want to do here? TALIESIN: If you want to take a look inside, from a distance, I will trust your judgment. I honestly– I’m not an expert– TRAVIS: That’s very generous of you. We do. TALIESIN: I’m not an expert here. I just know what I [JENGA] LIAM: Okay, well, I will start by just taking 30 seconds to throw like three or four Firebolts at it. MATT: It’s a large enough target that you don’t need to worry about rolling for it, necessarily. You just launch it and they slam into it, like these tiny fiery missiles. As it impacts– the first one hits further up, and exposes some of the wax. It breaks off and melts at the same time, and you can see a bit of darker reddish-brown fur exposed, though matted. One of the following ones hits the midsection, and as it hits, the wax melts away, leaving a hole, and immediately it begins– some liquid begins to pour out of it. Some kind of mildly greenish, blackish, thick sludge-like liquid that’s spilling out of the hole down the side of the wax over the mushrooms and down. SAM: A pupa or something. MARISHA: Slurpy suicide. LAURA: Did we kill it? Are we killing something? TALIESIN: No. SAM: It could be a baby that’s growing in there. TRAVIS: I think it’s decomposing. TALIESIN: I think it’s just decomposing. MATT: Now the smell hits you. ALL: Ohh. MATT: An extremely grotesque strong, putrid decay. And as you can see the– as the wax melts and the liquid spills out of it, you get the sense that whatever was captured in there, based on the acid damage you saw on the bones earlier, has been slowly dissolving inside this cocoon, and what has been dissolving has now been pouring out of the hole that you left in its side. LIAM: So there was a little bit of fur left at the top, but further down– MATT: You still don’t know quite what this creature is. You’ve only exposed little elements of it. But the smell is awful. Most of you guys begin to just start heaving. LAURA: But the creature is really big. TALIESIN: We should head out. MATT: The creature is big. LAURA: And whatever it was that did this is even bigger. TALIESIN: We’re going to keep moving. TRAVIS: Let’s go. LIAM: How was that for a prank? MATT: You continue on your path, and– MARISHA: While we walk, I keep an eye towards the canopy, just make sure... MATT: Okay. I would say Caduceus and Jester, you would begin to hear, as you guys move on about thirty, forty, fifty feet from this, trying to get away from the smell. The smell almost seems to be chasing you. It’s just filling this area of the jungle. You begin to hear like a (soft clicking). LAURA: Oh, no. MATT: Like a little ways off in the distance. TRAVIS: Ah, wildlife. MARISHA: We’re going to get cocooned. MATT: You start hearing bushes shifting. TALIESIN: I’m going to tell everyone to hide behind trees in the opposite direction to prepare. LAURA: We should hide? We should hide. SAM: Okay. I’ll hide. LAURA: In the trees? Not on the ground? It’s probably going to come– MATT: You hear distant ferns and bushes and leaves and other element of the forest floor being jostled and moved, just outside of your perimeter. TRAVIS: I’m going to light up the sword. MATT: The sword lights up. You hear (chitters) like a heavy wood sound, and you see, just out of the right side of where you are, Caduceus, you see these bladed legs climb up the side of a tree and just curve around to look. You see, roughly the size of a wolverine or a large badger, but it’s body is this chitinous insect-like plates, pale, white, almost translucent. Its legs themselves coming into these arched, dagger-like points as it climbs up the side of the tree. It’s tail goes behind it in this long, almost lobster-like fashion that comes into two pincer-like blades, and you cannot see where a face would be. It’s just a bald, armored front. And it (skitters) and then disappears up into the tree. And you just hear more, and more of the jungle moving around you. SAM: Oh, boy. TALIESIN: Everyone back to back. MATT: Drawn– MARISHA: Back to back? MATT: –probably by the exposed smell– SAM: Ohh! MATT: –of a long-simmering meal that’s now been left to spill on the jungle floor– MARISHA: Back to back! MATT: And that’s where we’re going to go take a break. ALL: (groans) SAM: Wow. ASHLEY: Oh, they are so ugly. LIAM: It makes me think of those fuzzy millipedes you find in the bathroom sometimes, you know what I’m talking about? MARISHA: You mean the-- TRAVIS: Silverfish? LAURA: They’re silverfish. MATT: Silverfish. Very much the inspiration. LAURA: You were really really hoping we would mess with it, weren’t you? MATT: Yeah, I was! LAURA: It was just sitting there, going “Poke me.” TALIESIN: You’re welcome. MATT: Yeah. Well, that’s what I want to do. Put stuff there and say “Poke me.” Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad. You guys almost left and I was like, “All right. Cool. I’m going to skip this encounter.” TALIESIN: I’m not going to pretend I didn’t know how this was going to end. TRAVIS: Always see what’s in the corner of that video game. LIAM: You just poke that chair just a little bit longer. MATT: Sometimes you get information, sometimes you get loot, sometimes you get a cool encounter, sometimes you draw a bunch of creatures. We have our Wyrmwood giveaway tonight, the fantastic purpleheart dice vault. Scanlan wood special, goes to one lucky winner tonight. The keyword tonight is “gateway.” One word, gateway. Enter it once and once only. More than once and you’ll be disqualified. Once again, for people in the US and Canada only, excluding Quebec. We’ll come back here shortly with the winner and the rest of tonight’s session. See you soon.

[BREAK]

MATT:

[transcript is missing the battle]

TRAVIS: Before I unrestrain myself, I feel like we should pass these out. Who wants a healing potion? MARISHA: I’ll take one. SAM: I’ll take one. TRAVIS: Okay, who wants the big one? SAM: Caleb. TRAVIS: There you go. I’ll hold the monkey’s for a minute. TALIESIN: If everybody likes, I can take ten minutes and just help everybody out. Or at least a few of us out. SAM: Yashies? ASHLEY: I’m okay. LAURA: Yeah, I guess I’ll drop my Polymorph. It lasts an hour. LIAM: Wait, wait. Caleb comes up to– Capeleb comes up to the mammoth just sort of like you’re petting a horse, and then swings up and plants himself up on top of her. LAURA: You’re pretty big. You’re going to ride on top of the mammoth? MATT: You staying a mammoth? LAURA: (Trying unsuccessfully to make mammoth noises) No. MARISHA: Throw out your hips. LAURA: I drop my form. LIAM: Uh oh. MATT: Okay. Make a dexterity saving throw. (She holds up one finger) LIAM: Can I try to plant two feet and not squish? MATT: If she didn’t roll a one– LIAM: Okay. MATT: –I’d say yes. So, as you leap onto the mammoth, it suddenly shrinks, like instantly. And there’s a moment, in a very cartoon physics way, where you’re just kind of suspended about ten feet in the air, before (falling). And you’re like, “Shiiii–“ (Boof!) Go ahead and roll 2d6 for me, Caleb. LIAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Inside the gorilla dimension. LIAM: Six. MATT: You take six points of bludgeoning damage and are pinned beneath the giant gorilla. LIAM: He stands up and grabs her by the ankle. LAURA: Owwww! MARISHA: Capeleb! LAURA: Caleb... Caleb... MARISHA: Let her go. (He puts her down and strokes her.) SAM: I’m going to run over to Yasha– LAURA: I’ve got to heal. SAM: –and try to get my flask back. TALIESIN: I’m going to do a Prayer of Healing on everybody. SAM: Try to swipe my flask back. ASHLEY: You’re going to try to swipe it? You’re going to try to sneak it? SAM: I’m going to try to sneak it. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Go ahead and make a sleight of hand check. SAM: Disadvantage. MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: Come on, Yash. ASHLEY: Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. SAM: At disadvantage. LAURA: Oh, nevermind. TALIESIN: I’m going everybody but you right now. MARISHA: What? ASHLEY: What’d you roll? SAM: Technically, it’s a 23. MATT: Yeah, reliable talent. ASHLEY: I rolled a natural 20. MATT: Well, what’s the total on that? ASHLEY: What’s the total? 23. MATT: Holy shit, you actually catch Nott– everyone’s taken a moment, and the blood’s on you and you’re wiping it a bit, and you walk over and everyone’s settling down for a moment. You feel this tug, and you glance behind you and Nott is pulling the flask– ASHLEY: I’m just going to slap her without even looking. What are you doing? LIAM: 1d8. SAM: I can’t shoot straight without my booze! I wasn’t shooting straight! ASHLEY: What are you talking about? You shot just fine. SAM: No, I missed twice! LAURA: It’s true, I saw her shoot herself in the eyeball. SAM: I shot myself in the eyeball! ASHLEY: You gave me this flask. Do you really want me to keep it, or do you want to take it? SAM: I don’t know anymore. LAURA: Don’t take it, Nott. ASHLEY: How about I hold onto it until we get to Caduceus’s destination? SAM: All right. TRAVIS: Can I try to un-restrain myself please? MATT: Yes, after a moment you manage to pull free of the hardened wax-like cocoon substance. TRAVIS: So much happening right now. MARISHA: (As ape-Caleb reaches for Fjord) No, don’t help him, don’t help him. TALIESIN: Have I done a Prayer of Healing by this point? MATT: How long does it take to cast? TALIESIN: Ten minutes. MATT: Ten minutes? If you guys are taking ten minutes here, then yeah, you can go ahead and cast that. TALIESIN: Okay. Everybody except for Caleb because you’re still a monkey. LAURA: Are we going to take a short rest? TALIESIN: No, just a ten minute– you’re still a monkey so I’m not healing you. MATT: You can take a short rest if you want to. LAURA: Let’s take a short rest. MARISHA: All right. TALIESIN: That’s 26 points of healing. MATT: Everyone except for Caleb– unless you want to drop your monkey form, Caleb. LIAM: I’m deciding that now. Caleb is fucked up but the monkey is not. TALIESIN: I was going to say. Because if you drop it, I’ll just-- MATT: How long does it last? LIAM: Just an hour, so I got to drop it. MATT: So if you’re taking a short rest, you might as well. All right, so you’re going to take the healing. SAM: Do we all get healing? TALIESIN: No, we can only do six, so– ASHLEY: I don’t need it. LIAM: I do need it. TALIESIN: Who doesn’t need it more? SAM: I don’t need it. TALIESIN: Sam doesn’t need it at all. I mean, Sam doesn’t need it, so... SAM: The only damage I took was self-inflicted - six points of damage. MATT: That’s true. Short rest. TALIESIN: Did Nott–? SAM: Oh, I’m still poisoned. MATT: You’re still poisoned, yeah. TALIESIN: I think I can do something about that. MATT: Okay, so you guys can use your hit die to go ahead and heal up naturally during the short rest, if you’d like. TALIESIN: I did it. I don’t care. MATT: You already cast the spell. It’s fine. TALIESIN: What fixes poison? MATT: Lesser restoration. TALIESIN: I’m going to give you a quick Lesser Restoration. Anybody else poisoned? MATT: I don’t think so. The only other person who was in danger of it is immune cause monks. TALIESIN: So no more poison. SAM: Thank you! TALIESIN: Oh, it’s no problem. You’re welcome. TRAVIS: I’ll just nap. We could build a house here. Bridges... Swiss Family Robinson. MATT: The creatures are scattered about, broken, sliced, pulled apart, purple ichor scattered across the jungle floor, a large broken tree that’s now on its side, the dust settled that was kicked up from its impact. TALIESIN: Well, that was a valuable lesson. SAM: What was that lesson? TALIESIN: Don’t poke big things if you don’t know what they are. TRAVIS: I don’t know if I’ve learned that lesson. TALIESIN: I know. TRAVIS: In the heyday, which direction were we heading? TALIESIN: That way. That way. LIAM: Caleb remembers. MATT: Yeah. You guys know the direction you were traveling. TRAVIS: Do we need to rest for a moment? MATT: Well, you just took a short rest, so about an hour of downtime to... MARISHA: You nailed it. TRAVIS: Thank you. MATT: You’re gathering your shit. Is there anything you want to do during your short rest? LAURA: I’m going to carve a little dick into the tree that I knocked over as a mammoth. MATT: You got it. This one equal, if not better, than the one you left earlier in the jungle. You’re getting good at these dicks. LIAM: Caleb will use Arcane Recovery. MATT: Okay. So you get your spell back. After taking an hour of downtime to rest up and sit and think about whatever the hell you’re doing in the middle of this weird expanse and these creatures you stumbled past, what are you guys going to do? TALIESIN: Are you done meditating, or ready to move on? SAM: We could meditate. TALIESIN: We just did. LAURA: We just took like an hour, so... MATT: You can make meditation part of the short rest if you want to. MARISHA: Do you want to meditate? SAM: I’d like to meditate. LAURA: That’s great. MARISHA: Yeah, we’ll try to do meditation. MATT: Okay. SAM: Ommm. Ommm. MARISHA: You don’t have to do that. No, no, no, just like listen to the environment. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Let it flow through you. SAM: Oh, you’re joining us. TRAVIS: Well, yeah. SAM: All right. MATT: So, here, recovering, sore, you all slowly make your way through an impromptu guided meditation for the better part of an hour in the middle of the jungle on the outskirts of the Whitedawn Lagoon. LAURA: I’m just going to dance around while I’m meditating. MATT: That is a form of meditation for some. Dance therapy. LIAM: Frumpkin is picking nits out of Fjord’s hair as he meditates. MATT: You got it. LIAM: All the nits. So many nits. MATT: There’s a lot of nits. All righty, as the rest is done, you guys continue in the direction. TALIESIN: We move. MATT: Okay, same order as before? MARISHA: Sure. ASHLEY: : Yeah. LAURA: Oy vey. MATT: Caduceus and Fjord in front, Beau and– was it Caleb? LAURA: Was that clean dirt insect poop? MATT: You don’t know. You could inspect the insects or inspect the space around it if you want to try to figure it out. TRAVIS: Do you want to look inside one of the opened up pale scorpion things? Simple biology, just take a look. LAURA: At their poop? TRAVIS: Just open up the guts, look at their stomach sac. TALIESIN: They probably have poison sacs. LAURA: Oooh. Nott, you should take some of those poison sacs inside of them. SAM: They do? Okay. LAURA: Yeah, I’m going to help get those out, because I’m good at medicine. SAM: Oh, all right. MATT: Go ahead and roll a medicine and a nature check. LAURA: Both of them? MATT: Yes. LAURA: Medicine 27. Nature... 12. MATT: Okay. You have no idea if these creatures are indigenous to here or not. They are odd. The one thing that catches your eye is their coloration and physicality doesn’t seem to fit this environment. It doesn’t makes sense for a creature like this to live in a dense part of a jungle. With your medicine check, you find that there are actually two glands on the inside of its body, separate chemicals, that when combined, create that caustic, wax-like substance. Separately, they’re just– TALIESIN: Inert. MATT: Yeah, inert, nasty, viscous, oil-like liquids. One’s kind of a deep bluish color, the other one is clear, And when they’re put together, it becomes almost like a white foam that then burns and solidifies into this cocoon-like wax. LAURA: I’m going to get them in vials. MATT: Okay. You have enough for probably one application. SAM: [JENGA] MATT: Probably, yeah. And when I say it foams, both of them combined could probably affect– LAURA: Acidic wax. MATT: Acidic wax, you could say. Compound. Acidic wax compound. LIAM: There’s a prank in there. LAURA: Well, I gave it to Nott. But, there’s plenty of other ones. MATT: If you want to try it again. LAURA: Yeah! MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll another medicine check. LAURA: That didn’t count. That slipped out of my hand. LIAM: That’s kind of what you do with a die. LAURA: No, but you know what I mean. It has to be an intentional roll. 20. MATT: 20? LAURA: You know what I meant! MATT: I’ll say you just barely manage to pull another set of these glands from one of the other corpses without them accidentally touching and combining and setting off a reaction. LAURA: Yeah, yeah. MATT: A lot of these bodies have been damaged heavily from the battle and there’s only maybe one or two others that even have viably intact to withdraw from. But you barely succeeded in not hurting yourself in this process. LAURA: Okay, okay. That’s enough. TRAVIS: We’re off? TALIESIN: We’re off. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Lead the way. MATT: You push closer to the center of this jungle region for the next couple hours or so. Those patches of wax and discolored fungus begin to fade as you move on, apparently moving past the region that nested these creatures at the moment. Though you do occasionally still come across– rarely– another pile of fresh, clean, moved earth, vibrant red, standing out against the environment. Eventually, as the sky begins to turn slightly orange as the day begins to progress a bit later on, as the hours continue by, you can see just the faint hint of light refracting off of.... a mirror? Water. And the patches of jungle and the elements of faint fungus that remain begin to give way to a clearing that houses a small lake. An oasis pool, if you will, of extremely clear water that’s fostering all manner of fish throughout and under the surface. The thin shore itself is dotted with rocks and scattered brush atop the rich red earth that is exposed, very much like what you encountered before, but without the heavy roots and jungle undergrowth, it is just a bright red shore along the outside of this lake. Beautiful rock carvings of various animals and creatures line the edges of this lake, like a statue garden of all these beautiful beasts and people, just in this decorative sense, surrounding this lake. A menagerie of beautiful art enshrining this space as the Court of Beasts. Jungle deer, bears, elegant jungle cats, massive lizards– all sorts of creatures, all immortalized in these sculptures. LAURA: Does it look like they’re actually sculptures or do they look like creatures that have been turned to stone? MATT: You can walk up to one, if you want, and inspect. Make an investigation check. LAURA: (holds up one finger) What a pretty statue. MATT: A natural one? It looks like a pretty well-carved statue. You can’t really tell. But you do, as you guys walk toward the edge of the tree line here, you can see along the western bank, which is not entirely on the opposite side, but a little further away around the northern curvature of the lakeside, you can see a few odd, broken rocks that push away from the rest of the smooth edges of the water. Like a hillside with red rock that is submerged, and you can see scattered slivers of well-carved statues that sit around an entrance of a cave, like a cathedral entrance, with these statues set to walk through and into. This raised bank itself is the mouth of a cavern that just beyond where the water is, in shadow, descends deep into the earth on that side. What would you guys like to do? LAURA: What do we–? SAM: Is this the place? TALIESIN: I’m going to touch the water, smell it. MATT: It’s very clear, very clean. TALIESIN: Well, let’s go. TRAVIS: In the water? TALIESIN: No. No, not yet. We’re going to go to the cave. MARISHA: Not yet? LAURA: Splash splash splash splash. MATT: The fist scatter. LAURA: It’s really pretty water, though. TALIESIN: It’s beautiful. TRAVIS: You could always check the water. SAM: For traps? TRAVIS: We could just walk down there and see what’s... TALIESIN: I mean, I’m at the water. TRAVIS: I actually meant down it. TALIESIN: I don’t think there’s anything down there. MATT: It’s up to you. LAURA: Can we see? Can we see the bottom? It’s real clear, MATT: Make a perception check. TALIESIN: I’ll join you in that. MATT: The two of you can do that individually. TALIESIN: 18. Fair. LAURA: 17. MATT: Okay. It is very clear. You can’t make out a lot of detail with just the light that’s refracting off the surface but you can see there is a beautiful little forest of lake plants and this little life ecosystem beneath, where all the fish kind of swim through and underneath. There’s no structure or designs of anything that catches your attention, if that’s what you’re looking for. It’s just a beautiful clear lake. Maybe about 150-200 feet across. TALIESIN: Welcome to the Court of Beasts. Let’s head to the cave. TRAVIS: All right. SAM: Sure. LIAM: I’ll say just for the heck of it, while they were doing that inspection, that Caleb hit himself with some Fortune’s Favor. MATT: Okay, go for it. TRAVIS: As we’re walking through the statues of these beasts, do they have a base or a platform, or do they seem to be perfectly carved animals on the earth? MATT: I mean, some of them are like sunken in a bit to the ground, but they don’t have like a set base or a solid like platform or dais. They’re just like sculptures set in the earth. TRAVIS: Give it a look. See if they’re actually sculptures. MARISHA: I think it’s a good call. MATT: Make an investigation check. MARISHA: Are you helping me out? TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: All right. LAURA: Oh, I already checked them. They’re fine. MATT: She already checked them, yeah. I will say because she’s already checked them independently, this will be an independent check as opposed to an aided one. So just roll one. MARISHA: Ten. MATT: Ten. I mean, they’re statues. They’re well-carved. As you do walk along, though, you see broken bits of them. You see parts– some of them are older, apparently they’ve been chipped off. You see a broken hand, or the head of a creature that’s cracked and partially sunken into some of the fresh earth. You begin to see the beast idols intertwined now with carved idols of humanoid people before you get to the cave. You see some are adorned in travel attire, some in battle attire, some are captured in a moment of struggle, some are visibly worn. Many are kept well enough to appear polished and new. It’s a variety. LIAM: One minor question. You said that all different kinds of animals that we recognize mixed in. Are there any that are strange, out of the ordinary type animals, never seen before? MATT: None that are as alien as the ones that you currently encountered– or recently encountered. A lot of them wouldn’t be jungle beasts, necessarily. You see large elk, and you see one across the way that looks almost like a giant horned oxen that you’ve never seen in your life, that wouldn’t be in a jungle. But it is a menagerie. TRAVIS: Caduceus, as we’re walking over to the cave, do you mind if I swim alongside you? TALIESIN: Be careful not to drink the water. TRAVIS: Right. Sure. SAM: Why do you think...? TALIESIN: It’s for the beasts. TRAVIS: Oh, no, that’s entirely too ominous. I don’t need to swim. It’s okay. Never mind. TALIESIN: Happy to poke the... TRAVIS: Do you think that perhaps these animals drank of the water and turned to stone? TALIESIN: I don’t know. SAM: Do you want to find out? TALIESIN: I don’t think so. TRAVIS: Not particularly. SAM: No, I mean, I’ve got some stuff that I could try to use. TRAVIS: What do you mean? SAM: I bought these vials. Willowshade oil. LAURA: What does it do? SAM: It can unpetrify someone. Oh, but maybe not. Well... TRAVIS: What does the Surgeon General’s warning have to say? SAM: I forgot. It’s been petrified for the last minute. LAURA: Oh. SAM: Has to be recently petrified. MATT: It’s got to be a rapid application. SAM: Never mind. LAURA: Plus, they’re not petrified. These things are just really cool statues. SAM: You’re right. TALIESIN: There’s no statues poised in fear, or anything? MATT: There’s a couple. MARISHA: Oh. MATT: The further you walk, you see a few more. And that kind of ominous sense begins to come over you as you begin to see some of these arrayed in positions of people trying to possibly defend themselves as groups. MARISHA: Wait. People? People? LAURA: Yeah, there are people now. MATT: A handful of people you started to find, and they’re getting more and more numerous the closer to the cave you get. TRAVIS: I don’t know that this would ever come in handy, but I’m going to cast Water Breathing on everyone in the party for 24 hours. So you can all breath underwater, just in case you find you need to dive under the waves of the lake. MARISHA: So we’re in the cave. MATT: You’re not in the cave. You’re walking towards it along the northern bank to the western side– TALIESIN: This is getting odd. SAM: To get to the cave you have to go through the water? LAURA: No. TRAVIS: Just in case it’s a visual thing and water can help refract– I don’t know. TALIESIN: I’m going to start inspecting these people. MATT: Make a perception check. TALIESIN: I’m going to [JENGA] myself because this is giving me the heebie jeebies. 29. MATT: 29. TALIESIN: Actually it’s.... SAM: 72. TALIESIN: 30. MATT: Okay. You begin glancing past, and what at first you thought were just statues begin to look towards some of these people, in terms of the faces, the expressions, beautifully captured, these moments of intensity, moments of anger, moments of fear. It’s a wide variety of emotions, but they’re intricately carved. There’s one off towards the shore that you look over, right near the water’s edge, you see two taller figures that strike a familiar sight. Both firbolg, captured in an emotional moment of fear. A pair female and older, they indeed resemble your mother Constance and your aunt Corrin. About 15 feet from them, another pair of figures captured in stone resemble your sister Calliope, her face resolute and her body fallen at an odd stiff angle, while the other resembles your father Cornelius, seeming to try to pull her from the dirt, like the heavy trunk of a tree, he himself captured in stone. LIAM: Caduceus. TALIESIN: We have to be very careful. This is... these are my people. LAURA: They were petrified? TALIESIN: Let’s back up. MARISHA: What do you mean? TALIESIN: I’m going to slowly start pushing everyone back into the tree line. MATT: Okay. As you take one step back and give everyone the point, you hear from the tree line (heavy slow footsteps/snorts)– heavy sounds, earthy impacts of dirt begin to find your ears. You glance towards the lifted shore of the tree line stands, and you see some deranged beast of some kind emerging from the shadowy edge. The massive swollen bull-like creature begins to pick up speed towards you. Its thundering hooves, its body itself a slightly pulling tapestry of metallic plates where large spines of darkened metal emerge between them. Its eyes glowing angry, as between where its limbs meet its body, little plumes of green fume emerge and drift around it, as it begins to rush towards you. And that’s where we’re going to pick up next week. ALL: (groaning) SAM: Your family? MARISHA: Oh, shit. TALIESIN: It’s not everybody but it’s a lot. TRAVIS: Does Greater Restoration–? LAURA: Greater Restoration undoes petrification. MATT: It does. TRAVIS: To how many people? MATT: To one. MARISHA: One at a time. TRAVIS: Cool, cool, cool. TALIESIN: And that burns a big spell. MARISHA: So it’s like 5th level, right? TRAVIS: We have to preserve the statues, right? TALIESIN: We just have to fight somewhere else than here. How fast can we– well, we’ll find out how fast we can– MARISHA: Is it like a minotaur? What is it? MATT: It is a massive bull creature, larger than any bull you’ve ever seen, its body swollen and muscular, metal-plated, almost in a colossus-type way, but jagged and not meeting properly and these giant spines protruding from it. LAURA: So the metal plates are not natural on it? I guess we’ll find out. MATT: You don’t know. MARISHA: Quadripedal or bipedal? MATT: Quadripedal. And rushing towards you immediately at about maybe 60 or so feet from you. So we’ll pick up from there next week. LAURA: How far [JENGA] are we? MATT: We’ll figure that out next week. You guys are pretty close to the shore, and just began to move away when you heard this and turned and saw it. MARISHA: We can’t destroy them SAM: No. MATT: Yeah, it’d be real bad to let this things get near any of these, wouldn’t it? TRAVIS: Maybe {JENGA] that shit. SAM: Complicated battle ahead. Tune in! MATT: There’s a reason they hadn’t gotten back to you or been– TALIESIN: I know, I know. MATT: Sorry, buddy. TALIESIN: It’s okay. ASHLEY: I knew something was going on. TALIESIN: I knew something was going on. MATT: All right, well. We’ll pick this up next Thursday. In the meantime, have a wonderful week, guys. Stay tuned tomorrow at 7 pm on our Twitch channel to watch live our Monsterhearts one shot with these two lovely people, with two other very lovely people– MARISHA: So angsty. MATT: So angsty. MARISHA: So moody. MATT: So teen awkward horny. It’s going to be hilarious. MARISHA: Get some chocolates. Get a pizza. Curl up on the couch. Transport yourself back to the 90's. It’ll be great. MATT: Yeah. But nevertheless, have a wonderful week. We love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Goodnight, guys.