Transcript:Talks Machina 15: Tangled Depths

Thanks to a fanmade CR transcript for the "After Dark" segment!

After Dark
[The camera starts focused on the big Trinket statue, with Marisha, Travis, and Gil trying to pick its nose.]

MARISHA: Twinket!

MATT: Yay, Twinket!

BRIAN: Twinket!

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MARISHA: Twinket!

BRIAN: He's shielding his eyes from a blacklight.

[Back to focusing on the group.]

MATT: For the record, you ever heard the sound a grizzly bear makes?

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: Fuckin' weird.

TRAVIS: [guffaws]

MATT: You think grizzly bear, you hear the sounds they make in movies, and there's like one or two good, like, audio clips of grizzly bears and most of them are like [makes grizzly bear sounds that sound ridiculous] and you're like, "…what?! Really?!"

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, I gotta drop the bass on that thing.

MATT: Yeah, man.

TRAVIS: [imitates the noises Matt made]

MATT: That's nature fuckin' with you. Anyway. Sorry. It's your show. Hi.

BRIAN: They had the guy who did, uh, they had the guy who did Chunk do the–

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: [imitating Sloth from Goonies] Heyyyy youu guyyyys!

ASHLEY: [imitating Sloth from Goonies] Hey you guyyyyys!

BRIAN: Well, Ashley's here.

[all greeting Ashley with excitement]

ASHLEY: Hello!

BRIAN: She's sharing the chair with me.

MATT: You're a cute couple.

MARISHA: I love it.

BRIAN: How are you?

ASHLEY: [through laughter] I'm great, how are you?

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: Y'all look like you're on a carnival ride for kids.

[all laughing]

MATT: And she wants her friend to give her an out right now so bad.

BRIAN: Put your hands up. [imitates throwing hands in the air as if on a roller coaster]

[all making "Wee!" noises]

BRIAN: Um. Okay. Question for all, but especially Matt.

MATT: Oh god.

TRAVIS: So, just Matt.

BRIAN: What has been the best/worst… [Ashley starts giggling, then he starts singing to Ashley] Sometimes when we touch…

ASHLEY: Noooo.

BRIAN: …she screams "No."

ASHLEY: [mock protesting] Don't do it!

BRIAN: What has been the best/worst or most unusual or most hilarious or most foul thing shouted just before the stream starts?

[all going "Ohhhhh!"]

TRAVIS: Great fuckin' question.

BRIAN: Liam is very good.

MATT: Liam is very good.

BRIAN: Sam is very good.

MATT: Everyone else has caught onto it, which is really frustrating. What about, what are your guys' answers?

TRAVIS: I usually say, like, kitty nipples or like, uh, skittle farts, or chuckle nut, chuckle balls. It's an inspiration thing, it has to strike you at the right time.

MARISHA: There's been, like, weird ones, normally based off of the beasts we're about to fight, like tentacle taint or, yeah, y'know.

TRAVIS: I went with "grape nuts" one time.

MARISHA: [continuing] Yeah, illithid scrote… [talking with Gil in the background]

BRIAN: Grape nuts?!

TRAVIS: Grape nuts! Yeah, grape nuts I think actually got Mercer pretty good, 'cause… fuckin' …grape nuts.

BRIAN: Grape nuts.

MATT: Yeah, grape nuts. The one that got me once–it got me because I could see it too viscerally in my head was like, dangly wrinkled goblin grundle?

[all laughing]

MATT: And my imagination went way too visceral and legitimate in my mind and I went "Hohh… welcome to Critical Role?" Like, I'm sure whatever episode it was…

TRAVIS: Your entire [inaudible] right in front of you.

MATT: Yeah, no, no, you can see like my whole body tense up as I'm like, "Mmm, I'm rejecting that image!"

TRAVIS: Rejecting! [chuckling]

BRIAN: If the stream comes on and Matt does one of these… [imitates Matt tilting his head in reaction to the off-screen taunting]

TRAVIS: Yeah!

ASHLEY: Yeah!

MATT: Yep.

BRIAN: …they got him.

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: It was a good one.

ASHLEY: It was a good one.

BRIAN: Uh, Travis.

TRAVIS: Yep.

BRIAN: Between Umbracyl… Oom-brussle?

TRAVIS: Oom-brussle!

ASHLEY: Oooom-bruh-seal.

MATT: Oom-bruh-seal!

TRAVIS: Ooooom-bruh-SEAL!

BRIAN: …and the kraken and any other I'm forgetting…

TRAVIS: Crack-EN.

BRIAN: …is Grog going to develop a hatred, or worse a fear, of small, enclosed, warm places?

[all going "ohhhhh" and laughing]

TRAVIS: You know, Grog hand a fondness for those small, enclosed, warm places…

MATT: Actually, you weren't swallowed by Umbracyl, you were swallowed by the Fey croc, the Feymire crocodile.

TRAVIS: That's right, yeah, in the live show.

MATT: In the Feywild. Yeah.

MARISHA: Oh, that's right.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I got chomped, I got chomped for sure. No fear. Grog's got no fear because you'd have to have an intelligence to recognize the peril of your surroundings to develop a fear. I usually get swallowed and I'm like, "This is nice!"

MATT: So what you're saying is your DeviantArt is filled with vore art now. Is that what's going on?

[all making grossed-out sounds]

TRAVIS: Pretty much.

MATT: Good, great. Sorry, the internets ruined me a long time ago.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I can tell.

BRIAN: Ozzy Stern… wants to know.

MATT: Yes?

TRAVIS: Good pause.

BRIAN: Matt and the crew…

TRAVIS: Asshole.

BRIAN: 'Cause you don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

TRAVIS: Ozzy Stern [looks at watch and pauses dramatically] wants to know.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Has the dragon vodka been drunk after the death of the Conclave and what did it taste like?

MARISHA: Wait, have we opened that yet?

MATT: The dragon vodka, we did. We had the dragon vodka and then we had the Arkenstone wine.

MARISHA: The wine, right.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: The wine was incredible.

MATT: It [the vodka] was harsh.

MARISHA: The wine was so good.

MATT: I'm a vodka fan myself, as far as like drinks go like vodka and rum are the two of my choice and the vodka was really, really good.

BRIAN: I like, uh… vodka, too. I'm sorry, Travis.

TRAVIS: I know. I'm waiting.

MATT: God dammit.

BRIAN: Hey guys.

MATT: The dragon vodka was really cool. For those who didn't know, it was a gift from a critter that sent this amazing bottle of vodka that had like gold flakes in it and it had like a glass dragon inside the bottle.

ASHLEY: Whoa.

MATT: It was absurd!

MARISHA: The gold flakes.

MATT: So thank you again!

MARISHA: I loved that on the back it said that it was like artisan infused with premium 24 carat gold flakes and I was like, "Baaaack the fuck out."

TRAVIS: Artisan.

MATT: I was hoping that it was infused with actual artisans.

MARISHA: Yeah!

MATT: They just like distilled it from their bodies.

TRAVIS: That'd be better.

MATT: Yeah.

BRIAN: I can get you some of that.

MATT: Of course you–you can, Brian.

BRIAN: I know a guy. Goes by the name @GilTheVlogsmith. Travis, I have a question… we hope this is for you.

TRAVIS: Yeah, oh shit.

BRIAN: What would Grog do with a 20 Intelligence for 24 hours?

TRAVIS: I have no idea. I don't know.

BRIAN: You have to have fantasized about it.

TRAVIS: Nope.

BRIAN: Asleep in your—

TRAVIS: No, that would take forethought and like planning and I don't do either of those things with my character. I have no idea. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not sure. It'd depend on my mood that day. He could either be like a very benign, very helpful individual, right? He might try and, like, I don't know. Build a better rocketship.

MARISHA: Better rocketship?

TRAVIS: Yeah. I want to visit that moon!

GIL: Grog with like a snifter. [in a high-class voice] "Oh yes, of course, why don't you…"

BRIAN: He becomes all pretentious!

MATT: "I am the Grand Poobah of Thisnthat, yes."

TRAVIS: I would probably try to go into Percy's workshop and build something.

BRIAN: Yeah, but then they would find you in like Percy's house, though, several hours later after having 20 Intelligence and you would be like "Come to the piano and hear an original composition."

[all laughing]

MATT: And then this slow zoom on Percival as he starts crying listening to it.

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: That's true!

ASHLEY: Make it happen!

BRIAN: Hey Ashley.

MATT: Grogless Strongjawess.

ASHLEY: Yeah!

MARISHA: Ashley!

ASHLEY: That's me!

MARISHA: Hi!

BRIAN: This question is from Adonis.

ASHLEY: Oh!

BRIAN: Do you and Matt ever do one-on-ones… to figure out–

[all laughing]

ASHLEY: All the time.

BRIAN: Now be very careful about how you answer this.

MATT: Not here, Ashley.

BRIAN: Do you and Matt–wait, one-on-ones like on The Bachelor where they get a one-on-one date?

ASHLEY: A one-on-one date.

MATT: Yeah.

BRIAN: Do you guys ever do that? One-on-one dates where Pike is, uh, where you figure out what Pike is doing whenever she's away?

MATT: I would if she wasn't all the time on Blindspot.

BRIAN: I know.

MATT: I know. She's busy being a TV star. And we discuss it–

ASHLEY: I wish we could.

MATT: We discuss it when you come back.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: We'll talk about what you've been up to and how to tie it back into the story, but y'know, schedules are a pain in the butt.

ASHLEY: Yeah. I think when we had our home games I remember sometimes when I would miss, we did a coup–well, we did one–

MATT: Yeah, we did a one-on-one once, then we did one with you and Liam.

TRAVIS: That's right, it was just the two of you guys.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: And then…

TRAVIS: And it was, like, brutal, right? Yeah.

ASHLEY: It was intense.

MATT: Yeah, you guys had to fight a chimaera.

ASHLEY: 'Cause you don't have as many people to go around to think about what you're going to do, you're just always like "Uh, okay, I'll do this, I'll do this." And then we also did one, Sam, Liam, and I.

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: But that was sort of learning… after Pathfinder when we switched over to see…?

MATT: We hadn't switched over yet, that was still in Pathfinder. That was towards the end of the pre-stream era.

ASHLEY: Okay, yeah. So–

MATT: 'Cause the rest of the party had fallen beneath Emon–

TRAVIS: And you were catching up.

ASHLEY: Yes, we were catching up.

MATT: –in the Crystalfen Caverns. Yeah.

ASHLEY: So that was basically the only times we've gotten to do… it was more like a two-on-one date.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Even more exciting.

[Matt laughs]

ASHLEY: And neither of us went home.

BRIAN: Everybody got a rose.

ASHLEY: Yes, even more exciting.

MATT: Everybody got arosed.

TRAVIS: One more Bachelor reference…

BRIAN: Everybody got arosed!

ASHLEY: Oh shit!

BRIAN: Stay turnt! About to get arosed!

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Do you know where that's from?

ASHLEY: That's the best.

BRIAN: I'll tell you later. Ashley.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

BRIAN: Johnny Bane 0415 wants to know–

ASHLEY: Okay. Hey Johnny.

BRIAN: How would Pike take the news of the party leaving Grog behind if he had been swallowed and dead in the kraken?

ASHLEY: I don't even wanna–

TRAVIS: Clammed up.

ASHLEY: That would've been a bad… that would've been a bad idea.

MARISHA: Yeah. "Where's Grog?"

ASHLEY & MARISHA: "Wellllllll…"

BRIAN: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I think she would've pulled a Scanlan.

MATT: He died as he lived…

TRAVIS: Oh yeah?

MARISHA: Really?

MATT: …inside a giant fish?

ASHLEY: I think Pike would've pulled Scanlan–

GIL: In tight spaces?

MARISHA: And been like "peace"?

ASHLEY: And then just go like live under the sea until she found him.

TRAVIS: [singing] Under da Sea.

ASHLEY: And then like save his body 'til she levels up, keeps his body in a bag of colding until she levels up and gets True Resurrection, even if it's like hundreds of years, and then she would've resurrected him.

TRAVIS: [cute speak] Oh that's the sweetest, most wonderful answer evah!

ASHLEY: Oh Grog!

TRAVIS: I love it! Pikey poo! [normal voice] That kraken is so lucky that they didn't leave me behind. That'd be one dead tuna shell, man.

MARISHA: Oh my god, that would've been nuts!

ASHLEY: So drivel.

MARISHA: 'Cause then you would've gone back and you would have either tried to get Grog out and died or like killed the kraken and still doomed my people!

TRAVIS: Yep.

ASHLEY: Wait, so if the kraken gets killed…

TRAVIS: Uh huh…

ASHLEY: That… your people… the kraken can't be killed.

MATT: The logistics of it are that these krakens that exist on the water elemental plane, one of their waste products is these lodestones. These, like, concentrated magic, kinda similar to the whitestone–

TRAVIS: They poop pearls.

MATT: Yeah, kind of. Like, magnetic pearls. And they're utilized to both maintain a very tight closure around the rift into the water elemental plane beneath Vesrah and they also maintain the capability of the temple and the reef to keep the city up. If those were, as they wane over time from power, the rift begins to open and the reef begins to sink and it all begins to condense inward, which would sink the entire city, which would open the rift and allow the kraken or other such creatures to begin to then spill out into the prime material plane.

TRAVIS: Meh, semantics.

MATT: So it's–

BRIAN: Sounds fine.

MARISHA: No big.

MATT: Yeah. It's an ecological circle.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: They rely on the circle. They rely on the kraken, but they must keep it outside of the rift, but they cannot kill it, but they have to be careful of it, and they lose waverunners all the time to it. They only have to go back once every like four or five years to try it. And, to be perfectly honest, if you guys had probably, things had gotten really bad and you shouted back into the portal like "We need help!" they probably would've sent people to come help.

GIL: Oh shit, really?

MARISHA: Really?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Oh.

BRIAN: Oh lord have Mercer, don't tell them that after the fact!

MARISHA: I know!

MATT: It's so much fun to tell after the fact, though!

BRIAN: Marisha, Marisha.

MARISHA: Yeah. Yes. Brian. Foster.

BRIAN: Blue Chibi wants to know…

MARISHA: Blue Chibi?

BRIAN: How does it feel to not be a part of the "I died" Club?

TRAVIS: [doing a voice] Blue chibi!

BRIAN: Do you feel left out and do you want to join?

MARISHA: No. It feels wonderful. It feels like privilege. It's nice.

MATT: You're the only one.

MARISHA: I am the only one.

TRAVIS: We can totally fix that.

MATT: I have to try twice as hard to kill you now.

ASHLEY: Wait, you're the only one that has–

TRAVIS: Hasn't died.

MARISHA: I haven't died.

TRAVIS: I think–

BRIAN: I promise I will never die.

TRAVIS: –we gotta complete the circle, right? We should just kill her the second–

MARISHA: Suicide pact?

ASHLEY: Oh my god, you're right!

MATT: And there's a reason for that. [mockingly] Because she's my fiancee and I give her special treatment.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Oh yeah, we all know about that.

MARISHA: Don't even say that in jest, 'cause they'll–no.

MATT: They've been shouting that shit from the beginning and the know that's not true.

BRIAN: No, everybody knows that's not true because go back and watch the moment she fell in the lava and you will see–

MARISHA: That's true. That's true.

BRIAN: –Matt trying not to–

MATT: No, no, we've had conversations about alternate characters if that were to happen. Trust me, trust me, if I was giving her special treatment… I wouldn't be sleeping on the couch as often.

[Travis laughing]

BRIAN: Nobody's invincible.

MARISHA: Don't say that either! They think that too!

[all laughing]

BRIAN: That's true! That's true.

MARISHA: They think all of these things!

MATT: No, you're right, you're right. That doesn't happen.

TRAVIS: They all think that Laura and I are half the time on the couch. And we never are.

MARISHA: Same here.

MATT: We enjoy their narrative, it's fine.

MARISHA: You're like "…no." We drive home and we're like "Have you heard this new song?"

TRAVIS: We're eating Taco Bell on the way home.

MATT: Yeah, that's basically us, too!

MARISHA: There's always Taco Bell!

MATT: Always Taco Bell 'cause that's what's up.

MARISHA: It's the best.

TRAVIS: Only thing that's open.

ASHLEY: So good, man.

MARISHA: Kind of food. Not food.

MATT: Loosely food.

BRIAN: Travis, Pale Archer–

TRAVIS: Sup, Art.

BRIAN: You seemed extremely calm for only having eight hit points at the end. What was going through your mind? Was it "This is a beast–" Nope! Was it a "This beast is the strongest thing ever so I'm okay if it kills me" kind of thing?

TRAVIS: Mm.

[long pause]

TRAVIS: Is there more to that question?

BRIAN: Because I put my thumb out? I was counting how many times it took me to aks [sic] it correctly.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: That's why I do that. I go "Here we go, I get five of these before I have to move on to another question."

TRAVIS: It threw me! Uh… I'm just a stone-cold motherfucker, y'know? Nothing shakes me. No.

ASHLEY: Stone Cold!

TRAVIS: I know. When I got to the door–

BRIAN: You sounded very tough. You sound like a great hype man.

TRAVIS: [imitating Ashley] "Stone Cold!"

ASHLEY: Stone Cold!

TRAVIS: When Percy cast Friends, there was a little wrinkle in my visage 'cause I was like, "Oh, I was ready to go, 'cause I got–Daddy got almost single digits in hit points. I'm gonna go get him–"

BRIAN: You call yourself Daddy?

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: Yeah, "Daddy–Daddy gotta go get–"

BRIAN: I'm just making sure talking about you still.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: To be fair, that's his character background.

TRAVIS: "Daddy gotta go get Tary." And then I got back and Mercer's like "You get almost to the portal," and I'm like just sitting there with this asshole going like "…cool!" Taliesin goes, "Well, I come and get them," and Matt's like, "You can get Tary," and I was like "…sure! This'll be fuckin' great!" [slurping noises] "There we go, we're back in here again." And if I didn't manage to puke myself out, that was, that was bruschetta.

MATT: Yeah. Which is why I tweeted the picture of the saving throw.

MARISHA: Bruschetta.

MATT: 'Cause it wa like, you need– if it'd rolled a ten or higher, you'd've been stuck in there. I rolled an ine and I'm like "No one's gonna fuckin' believe this."

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: I have to tweet out rolls now 'cause people are like "Oh, there's no fuckin' way!" And I post it and like "See?" and they go "…there's no fuckin way!" and I'm like "Alright, whatever."

TRAVIS: And plus it's also once one person's dead, it's easier–I feel like it's easier to join the dead–like, the list of dead people. If you're the first one you're like "I don't wanna be the first!" but if Vax is already dead I'm like, "Hey! Dead homies!"

BRIAN: Dead homies!

MARISHA: We've never had to go through like a ritual resurrection process with you. It's just always been a quick Revivify.

TRAVIS: Right.

MARISHA: Right? We've gotten you in time.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MARISHA: Are we the only ones though that haven't gone through rituals?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

GIL: With the um, what was that, the sword, Craven Edge.

BRIAN: Craven Edge, yeah.

GIL: Wasn't that still a–

MATT: We did a very quick ritual.

TRAVIS: Oh it was a ritual, yeah.

MATT: I was still figuring out the rules for the time. I was learning how to adjust the resurrection process.

MARISHA: Oh, that's right. That's right.

TRAVIS: 'Cause we did it right then and there outside of the cave.

MATT: I hadn't considered Revivify and the process at that point, so I was trying something out.

TRAVIS: Right.

MARISHA: Right.

MATT: I've since honed it.

TRAVIS: Now it's just you. You just have to die.

BRIAN: Thank god.

MARISHA: Last man standing!

TRAVIS: Flatliner.

MARISHA: What's up!

BRIAN: Flatliner.

MARISHA: Flatliner.

TRAVIS: You're the only one has to take the journey.

MATT: It's true.

TRAVIS: How do you want to go?

MARISHA: How do I want to go?

TRAVIS: Poison?

BRIAN: How do you want to die this?

TRAVIS: Bludgeoning? [in an accent] How do you want to die dis?

BRIAN: How d'ye der de der dis.

MARISHA: I don't know, like I said, being eaten by a kraken would've been epic.

TRAVIS: Yep. And permanent.

MARISHA: My biggest fear was that I was gonna trip and faceplant in lava. And then that happened. So as long as it's not embarrassing–

GIL: Bucket list.

MARISHA: Yeah!

MATT: Valid point.

TRAVIS: That was the best description

MARISHA: 'cause nothing's worse than dying from something completely unrelated to the circumstances that are actually going on.

MATT: Well, it's like can you imagine the actual funeral? "We will remember her as a wonderful lively friend who gave her life… uh… well she lost her life… she was fuckin' clumsy. It really sucked. We're sorry."

MARISHA: She could control weather, but–

TRAVIS: Fell face-first.

MARISHA: –those slippy embankments. Gotta be careful of those!

MATT: Perhaps we should've bought her shoes with better tread!

GIL: Boat shoes?

MARISHA: Boat shoes! "Had those boat shoes come sooner–"

MATT: Been there this whole time!

BRIAN: Keyleth died doing what she loved: a series of errors.

[all laughing]

TRAVIS: Amazing.

MARISHA: Fucking failing.

BRIAN: Hey Ashley.

ASHLEY: Oh god. Yeah?

BRIAN: Undercover Goth…

ASHLEY: Yes?

TRAVIS: Is that Taliesin?

MARISHA: That's his protege.

ASHLEY: He's not undercover.

TRAVIS: No, he's not undercover, you're right.

BRIAN: I think it's undercover, then out-there-in-the-open, then executive–he's sort of the–

TRAVIS: Executive Goth, yeah.

MARISHA: He's like the goth mafia.

BRIAN: He's like the guy over there petting the cat, y'know? He's the evil executive.

MATT: Yeah, like there's fuckin "weird travestite" and then there's "executive transvestite."

BRIAN: Yeah. Eddie Izzard. Correct. That's the correct pronunciation. Ashley! Undercover Goth–

ASHLEY: Mm-hmm?

BRIAN: I just watched four–fuuh–I just watched–

[?Denise? laughing off-screen]

BRIAN: –Force Grey this weekend, where you also played a cleric. Would you ever play a–don't read–I'm reading it to you!

ASHLEY: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It's in front of me so it's hard not to read it!

BRIAN: Would you ever play a different class or do you love clerics so much? Also, you're very beautiful up close.

ASHLEY: Thank you! So much.

MARISHA: Awww.

TRAVIS: Gross.

BRIAN: Never really get this close.

[all laughing]

GIL: Just Skype.

BRIAN: We sleep like Dick Van Dyke in that show, y'know?

TRAVIS: Two different beds? I Love Lucy?

BRIAN: There's one for all you youngsters, though. Anyway. Clerics?

TRAVIS: [laughing] Dick Van Dyke.

ASHLEY: We had, for Force Grey, we had kind of, I was thinking maybe I was gonna play something different, but I think when we had all talked about it, they were like "Just play a cleric," because there wasn't one in the group yet?

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I can't remember.

MATT: The folks at Wizard were like "Hey! She plays a cleric really well. We need somebody who knows what they're doing. Can she play a cleric again?" Was kind of what it came down to.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Because a lot of the players hadn't played the game before.

ASHLEY: And I was actually okay with it because I still sometimes feel very inexperienced in this game, so I think I wanted, since that was gonna be something that was gonna be recorded, well it's something that I kind of already know how to do. And I think with that group, I had the most experience, I was like "Uh oh."

MATT: Yep!

ASHLEY: But it was great. I mean, you can play it even if you don't have experience, it's awesome. But I would like to play something else. I have been prepping another character.

MATT: Next campaign.

TRAVIS: You have?

ASHLEY: For our next campaign, yeah, so I've been thinking about… I have a name. I have… some things figured out. Um, and I'm excited. I don't–I'm not putting it out there.

MARISHA: No, you can't.

MATT: Keep it under wraps.

MARISHA: None of us have.

BRIAN: Don't put it out there now.

ASHLEY: Pike is gonna be old and gray and, y'know, die in her sleep.

TRAVIS: I have no idea.

GIL: Pike the Second is what it is.

ASHLEY: It's Pike the Second. Real original. But yes, I would like to play another class.

BRIAN: I'll let Undercover Goth know.

TRAVIS: I'm gonna play a Paladin named Greg.

MARISHA: Yo, Greg.

GIL: Grog's cousin?

TRAVIS: Yep.

MARISHA: Yeah!

BRIAN: Here we go. Last question. [long pause] Hold on, where'd it go.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Ashley, Marisha, Travis, Gil: a Wish spell goes awry and the world turns into a Super genre RPG. What are your characters' superhero names?

MARISHA: In real life?

BRIAN: In real life.

TRAVIS: Arse Queef.

BRIAN: The world turns into a Super genre RPG.

GIL: The Void.

BRIAN: The Void! Gil the Voidsmith!

MARISHA: I have to go with Calamity Ray.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's good.

BRIAN: Calamity Ray.

ASHLEY: Oh, god, that's good. Okay, so we're doing our own names.

MARISHA: Yeah. Playa name.

TRAVIS: Oh sit.

BRIAN: Tarvis?

TRAVIS: I'll take my Xbox user gamertag.

BRIAN & TRAVIS: Meaty Albatross.

BRIAN: It means Willingham.

TRAVIS: Yep. I didn't pick it for any fuckin' reason other than that it was a suggestion and it looked stupid as hell.

ASHLEY: Oh, it was a suggestion?!

BRIAN: It was a suggestion! At a con or something, wasn't it?

TRAVIS: No, like a previous username of mine, they were like you can't, you can't have that name.

BRIAN: Oh! 'Cause that one was inapp– yeah, that one was.

TRAVIS: It was a no-no. So they sent me like three suggestions–

MATT: What was your previous name?

TRAVIS: So my last name is Willingham and in my–in a drunken night of stupor I came up with "Raped Bacon."

MATT: Oh wow!

GIL: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Instead of, like, "Willing Ham."

MARISHA: "Willing Ham!"

TRAVIS: But it was great, because–

BRIAN: I did not think he was going to say that!

MARISHA: Holy shit.

GIL: Holy shit.

TRAVIS: So they came up with like Velvet Octopus 83, something else, and then Meaty Albatross.

ASHLEY: [laughing] Velvet Octopus.

MATT: Meaty Albatross was the–

TRAVIS: That one. That one. It's so stupid.

MATT: Meaty Albatross is a pretty great name in general. Good band name. Good app name.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it is. It's good.

MATT: New on iOS, Meaty Albatross.

TRAVIS: Yeah. And my superhero character will obviously have to have wings or something. And meat.

MATT: Very thick wings.

TRAVIS: Lot of, just–

MATT: Wings fuckin' ripped.

TRAVIS: Giant ripped-out wings, but I'm like Ichabod Crane.

MARISHA: Instead of feathers, it's just like bacon.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Ashley, what's yours?

MARISHA: So you're saying in the future you want to be the pig that flies?

TRAVIS: I'm okay with that.

MARISHA: That's pretty great.

TRAVIS: It works.

BRIAN: The Void, Calamity Ray, Meaty Albatross…

ASHLEY: Gosh, I'm not good at thinking of these types of things!

BRIAN: Yes you are, you just need time. And we've got it, baby. Just kidding, we're out of time.

MARISHA: Just kidding, we're out of time!

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Max is over there like [makes wrap it up motion]. [To Matt] Do you have one?

MATT: I wasn't asked the question.

ASHLEY: Yeah, you were.

MATT: I specifically wasn't.

ASHLEY: You were not, but what would yours be?

MATT: Doesn't matter, I wasn't asked the question. That's all we have for tonight folks.

MARISHA: Ohhh!

TRAVIS: Beautiful.

BRIAN: Toss to the next thing. What's after us?

MATT: Uh.

ASHLEY: Oh, do it!

BRIAN: Nine PM.

MATT: Why is this my question?!

BRIAN: You just, you took over the show and decided to toss–end the show. You said that's all the time we have. Tell them what's next.

MARISHA: So now you have to.

ASHLEY: Do it! Do it!

BRIAN: Tell them what's next. It's right there.

MATT: Okay. [bewildered voice] Hey guys. Thanks so much for watching–

BRIAN: [responding to someone off screen] What? No, but it's, we're telling them to go back to Twitch. Give me that.

MATT: NO! IT'S MY SHOW! [bewildered voice again] Go back to Twitch and then at 9pm, there'll be AXYB coming up at 9pm on Twitch after this show. Thank you for watching. [starts chewing on the card]

TRAVIS: I don't know.

MARISHA: That was so good.

TRAVIS: That was rough.

MARISHA: Good at worldbuilding.

ASHLEY: Like a little kid.

MARISHA: You know what?

MARISHA: You're good at worldbuilding.

GIL: What are words?

ASHLEY: What do I mean in these words?

TRAVIS: Just keep growing your hair.

BRIAN: Still better than the first episode of this show.

MATT: Oh yeah, well.

BRIAN: That's all the time we have for tonight folks. What should we do? Should we read a bedtime story?

ASHLEY: Yeah!

BRIAN: Should we stay here? Should we go?

TRAVIS: There once was a mouse. He died.

ASHLEY: We could go.

BRIAN: Well guys. Guess this is a perfect time to announce…AXYB is back. Go over to Twitch and watch them now. We love you. Good night!

[all cheering]