Transcript:Cloak and Dagger

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: –and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors play Dungeons & Dragons and point to Liam O'Brien for the evening, you motherfucker.

MARISHA: That’s the winner!

(laughter)

MATT: So for those of you who are tuning in for the first time, welcome to the chaos. We have a fun continuation of a very fun story line, but before we get to that, let’s go ahead and get through our announcements for the evening. First and foremost, once again, we thank last week’s sponsor Backblaze but today brings back Loot Crate once again!

ALL: Loot Crate! (cheering)

(air horns)

MATT: Sam, why don’t you tell us all about it?

SAM: Loot Crate, guys. (clears throat) Okay, so here’s the thing–

TALIESIN: No notes! Flying without a net!

SAM: Oh, don’t worry, I’ll come up with something. Loot Crate, guys. They gave us some great information about their next month’s theme, which they’re going to announce on the 26th, which is Monday. They didn’t tell us what the theme was, but that’s the exciting part, because now we get to speculate. I’ve prepared three ideas for what next month’s Loot Crate theme might be. Just spitballing here. Number one: Screws and Nails. It’s just a box of screws and nails. You got your wood screws, you got your metal screws, your two-inchers, your one-inchers. Pretty cheap to produce.

MATT: Thoughtful!

SAM: Yeah, and useful! Number two: Storks! The theme is Storks, the movie Storks that’s out this week. It includes a handwritten letter from Andy Samberg, trying to beg you to go to see the movie.

(laughter)

SAM: And one baby stork. No instructions on how to care for it. You just have to deal with it. Storks! In theaters now.

TALIESIN: Is that actually a real movie?

SAM: Yeah, it is out now. Storks, animated film.

MATT: I still think Stork Patrol’s the best Andy Samberg-related stork thing that’s ever happened.

SAM: And number three– this is what the theme for Loot Crate could be, announced on Monday. It could be 50 Shades of Grey. They give you a ball gag, some can [no audio], and your own personalized safe word. Mine is “harder, baby, harder,” which is very confusing.

(laughter)

SAM: Those are my ideas for what could be announced on Monday, and whatever it is, when it is announced, go online, subscribe, use the code “CRITICALROLE” to get three dollars off your subscription. Loot Crate, we love them, no matter what the theme is.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Holy shit.

MATT: I feel like we should put a Twitter poll up at some point about which of those three we all believe it might be.

TALIESIN: Let’s make a poll.

SAM: I’m going to do that right now.

MATT: Yeah. (laughs) Next announcement–

MARISHA: That’s going to be the next show I produce. “Let’s Make a Poll” with Sam Riegel. Keep going.

MATT: Marisha, you want to talk about the new host–

MARISHA: Speaking of shows I produce!

(cheering)

MARISHA: What’s up! Look at that segue.

TALIESIN: That was slightly less awkward than a real Segway.

MARISHA: Right? Am I right? So Signal Boost is back! It never went away, you didn’t realize that, but it’s back.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: It feels like it went away.

MARISHA: It feels like it went away. It did not! You just forgot about it, it’s back with Damion Poitier. He’s awesome. He was Thanos, the first Thanos before he got replaced because celebrities are dicks. And–

TALIESIN: Except for the ones who come on our show.

MARISHA: Right, he was also Chains in Payday, which is what everyone has been now shouting at us through Twitter.

TRAVIS: He was in Civil War as the guy that gets killed by a cop.

MARISHA: He was. He gets killed in Civil War– Technically tranquilized. Apparently, is what he clarified. Anyway–

MATT: Tranquilized, in a Spielberg ET walkie-talkie gun replacement world, he was “tranquilized.”

MARISHA: Other than being Chains being on social media, people have also shouted he’s very attractive and sexy, so maybe that’s a selling point for you. So you should go watch it. It’s out right now, his second episode is out this past Tuesday. Go watch him! He’s funny, he’s very charming.

MATT: Awesome!

TALIESIN: He has great shirts.

MATT: Laura, did you have an update in regards to the–

LAURA: Merchandise.

MARISHA: (sings) Merchandise!

LAURA: I’ve been organizing my dice while you guys were talking and so now I’m set. In the store, we have things available for you to buy. And–

LIAM: What are they?

LAURA: I’m not as good at this as Sam is. Okay, so the rings: there’s two sizes left. There’s six and seven. So if you have little itty-bitty fingers, you can still get one. The patches are out of stock, sorry people, but I’m proud of everybody that got one. The nail wraps are still there, the mugs are still there and the pins and the wristbands that Travis is wearing right now–

TRAVIS: I sleep in this.

LAURA: Those are available for pre-order for one more day as of 5:00pm, I think our time? California time? They’re going to be out of the store.

TRAVIS: And it’s legit. Mine smells like a cast.

LAURA: He’s been wearing it every day. It does not– It doesn’t smell that bad!

TALIESIN: Casts just smell like you after a while.

TRAVIS: The nail wraps are limited too.

LAURA: Yeah I know! The nail wraps– only some, a few left in stock.

LIAM: Go get ‘em. You got to go get ‘em.

MARISHA: The guys like to get 'em and put them on their middle fingers, so that you can flick off–

MATT: How do you want to do this?

LAURA: That’s good.

TALIESIN: I’ve got mine for a Disney trip later this week.

MARISHA: Oh, nice, the patchwork ones? Those are good.

SAM: Guys, so far, Storks is just eking out 50 Shades of Grey and Nails & Screws. It’s tight now. It’s 32%, 32% and 36%.

TALIESIN: That’s real close.

MATT: We’ll have further updates after tonight’s episode on this. Just riding that wave of interest and tension. Well great! Do we have anything else we need to announce, or is that the end of our–? I think we’re good! All right! That being the case, let’s go ahead and dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role.

[dramatic music]

Part I
MATT: Welcome back. So to dive into this evening’s episode of Critical Role. Our band of adventurers, Vox Machina, have been in search of the Vestiges of Divergence, a series of powerful artifacts that they will utilize in the coming battle with the Chroma Conclave, a collection of dangerous chromatic dragons that have torn through the countryside of Tal'Dorei and beyond. You felled two of the dragons, one long ago and one relatively recently, named Umbrasyl. You’ve briefly passed by Vorugal, the white dragon, and Thordak still sits among– on top of Emon, with Raishan somewhere in the wind. You made your way to the distant continent of Marquet, eventually to the city of Ank'Harel, where you began seeking another Vestige, known as Cabal’s Ruin. After some fun casino games and losing some money on some drug deals, you discovered that the owner of Cabal’s Ruin was found killed, wounds referring to, or pointing toward some sort of bullet entry and exit points and a woman matching the description of one Dr. Anna Ripley having left but a week before, the cloak nowhere to be seen. Through a couple of Scry attempts, you managed to see that she, with her own band of bodyguards, was currently heading north through the ocean via ship, towards something in the distance which you found to be an island made, or is now currently covered in, shards of broken glass, known as Glintshore, as part of the Hespit Archipelago. You guys manage to, through your influence and discussion, attain a skyship.

SAM: Who knew?

MATT: Who knew? With Captain Damon, who had previously taken you guys to Vasselheim long ago. You, through the druidic mastery of Keyleth, tore through a storm that would have slowed your arrival, seemingly forcing an earlier arrival than expected from the team at Glintshore. You guys went into full-on Avengers mode and tore into their ship, destroying it in the bay outside of Glintshore, swooped down onto the edge of the dark glass- and soot-covered beach and you now are all gathering the scenery around you as to what your next point in this aggressive maneuver is. So at this point in time, you’ve all gathered along the eastern beach of Glintshore. Grog, you are still an eagle, a giant eagle, polymorphed by Scanlan. You have your wings out still. You guys have flown about and you’ve seen the remnants of some sort of small campsite, with a faint ember still burning and giving off a hint of smoke, but it’s been a while since it’s been utilized.

LAURA: We said like five hours is what I–

MATT: About five hours. You just got there and checked it right now. We’ll get into the more specifics of that here in a moment. So we have currently, if I recall, Grog as an eagle, Scanlan, and who else is in the center of the beach area between the actual shoreline and the jungle?

MARISHA: I’m just showing up on the beach.

TALIESIN: I was also on the beach.

LIAM: I thought we were en route when we ended.

MARISHA: We had just landed.

MATT: You guys had just gotten there. Yeah, so we have, in between the shoreline and the tree line, the mostly dead, petrified trees, gray in the distance. We have the two of you and the rest of you currently are now gathering at the beach at the campsite.

LAURA: I pop Trinket out.

MATT: Okay, Trinket (growls) looks around, immediately looks down at a paw with a piece of glass sticking out of it.

LAURA: Aw, buddy. You’re tough.

MATT: So you see there are two small boats that are currently pulled up onto the shore, just outside, slightly north of this campsite. There is a tousled blanket that is somewhat dirty, with a small pack that was pushed in the side, the leftover campfire and some sort of movement, like something heavy had been pulled from the water into the campsite and somewhere else from within. Do you wish to continue to inspect the campsite?

LAURA: Do we see any tracks? Are there tracks able to be left on the glass?

MATT: Make an investigation– for this, for you, are you just inspecting for details? Or are you trying to track?

LAURA: I’m trying to see where the people went.

MATT: Okay, make a survival check to see if you can follow any tracks. What are other people doing at the campsite?

TALIESIN: I want to check the boat.

MATT: Okay, make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: New die.

LAURA: Survival? 18.

MATT: Okay. What’d you get?

TALIESIN: I got an eight.

MATT: Okay. They’re boats. They’re made of wood.

TALIESIN: I tousle the blanket aside.

MATT: Yeah. There’s two blankets that are folded in there.

LIAM: What’s in that pack?

TALIESIN: What pack?

LIAM: There was a pack in the bag.

TALIESIN: Is there a pack in the bag?

MATT: Yes, your low roll investigation allowed you to completely miss that there was a pack on the side of the blankets. You go to inspect it. You check and see that there are a number of footfalls in this area clustered–

TALIESIN: I’m not at my best.

MATT: –sporadically, it looks like some of them seem to be with haste, some are dragging, like, heavy– the heels are pushed in deep. And you see a large, heavy groove that was pulled to the campsite and has pulled further and further inland towards the treeline.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: What are you guys doing right now?

SAM: I’m going to mount Grog.

TRAVIS: Thank god. It’s been so long.

SAM: And say, Let’s go scan around the tree line, friend. Fly! Fly!

TRAVIS: Then I take off in my bird form, admiring the arch-ipelago but I have an intelligence of eight and realize it’s ark-ipelago.

MATT: (laughs) You’re such a dick.

TRAVIS: And I head for the treeline.

MATT: All right, you guys take off over the treeline. Make a perception check, both of you. And you have advantage, Grog.

TRAVIS: I do?

SAM: You’re an eagle.

LAURA: What do your eagle eyes see, Grog?

TRAVIS: Not shit, apparently.

LAURA: What’s the possibility that Ripley can make herself invisible?

LIAM: 50-50?

TALIESIN: I legitimately have no idea.

SAM: One.

MATT: A one.

SAM: With my brand-new awesome d20.

TRAVIS: 16.

MATT: Okay, you swoop up over the tree line and do a couple of scans over the– while the trees, many of them are dead, you do see there are a few peeking bits of green. It looks like even in the midst of this barren landscape, elements of nature have still managed to push through here and there. Little dappled, peppering of green. But the canopy itself is still too thick for you to make out any details from above. That’s as much as you can make out.

TRAVIS: Petri-fried trees or are they scorched?

MATT: Both. It looks like a lot of it is burnt black, but some of it also looks like the wood itself has been dead for so long that it’s become a dull grey, hardened exterior.

LAURA: It sounded like you said “petri-fried”.

TRAVIS: I did.

MATT: Petri-fried.

TRAVIS: Petri-fried. Entire State Building.

TALIESIN: Turns into stone, it’s deep-battered, covered in cheese.

SAM: You didn’t see anything, Groggy?

TRAVIS: (squawks)

SAM: Guess not.

TALIESIN: Scanlan, I may borrow you for a second.

SAM: I’m in the air, you can’t talk to me.

TALIESIN: I have an earpiece, damn it!

SAM: I’m on an [no audio].

TALIESIN: When you get a moment, we could use you for a second down here.

SAM: All right.

TALIESIN: When you have a moment.

LAURA: I start taking my broom and swinging it around me to see if I hit anything that’s invisible.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: By the way, did you see anything when you crashed through? Were there people on the ship?

MARISHA: No, there was one that I might have crushed underneath me that went down. There were also others on the ship, correct?

MATT: There were at least three on the ship. [no audio] a head shot by Percy as it caught fire. There was another that was crushed beneath your feet.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: So probably dead.

MARISHA: You know, there might be a couple, if they’re real good swimmers, they might make it? With severe burns. And psychological damage. But– maybe?

LIAM: A little creepy, but a very good job.

MARISHA: Thanks.

SAM: I will turn Grog’s head and point him back to the campsite.

TRAVIS: How do you turn my head?

SAM: Well, I’ll say to you, oi, if you don’t see anything, caw once and we’ll head back to camp.

TRAVIS: (squawks three times)

SAM: I forgot you can’t count.

TALIESIN: He says he sees three things.

SAM: All right, we just fly around then.

TRAVIS: Actually, instead of that, can we go 100 yards past the tree line and into more of the forest, just to see what’s there?

MATT: Okay, yeah. You coast up and begin pushing through and down below, you can see occasional breaks in the treeline here and there where you can– there’s heavy brush underneath and the same horrible texture of broken glass jutting out in haphazard patterns. There are certain areas where the glass is aggressively broken, and some more smooth glass. It looks like it depends on at what point this event happened that turned this entire island and how much has been traversed in the time. But you can’t make out much more than that from your height.

LIAM: Have I got about 30 or 40 minutes left for the wings?

MATT: Approximately.

LIAM: Yeah, I’m going to fly out over where the ship was and see if anybody is doing the dog paddle out there.

MATT: Okay. You go heading off in that direction.

TRAVIS: I’ll land us at the treeline.

MATT: Okay. You guys land at the treeline. As you land, Laura, Percy and Keyleth, you guys– there’s this breeze that’s been blowing through the beach since you’ve gotten here, it’s starting to pulse a little. (wind sounds) And the wind’s starting to pick up, rather suddenly. Keyleth, you are relatively sensitive to this, knowing that the sky has been relatively clear with bits of cloud. There’s no particular reason as to why there should be a sudden gust of wind. There is no weather that is indicative of that sort of–

MARISHA: Also my Control Weather spell should still be active.

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: So nature check? Druid check? What the shit is happening check?

TALIESIN: Nurture check.

MARISHA: Nurture check? Nature versus nurture check? 14?

MATT: 14. This is definitely not a natural wind. And as you start to get that dark feeling at the back of your head, you start noticing that some of the broken glass that is across the entirety of this beach being picked up by the wind. Swirling and congealing into a small whirlwind of broken glass and dust.

MARISHA: I toss Percy his gun.

MATT: You watch as the wind begins to pick up into two other separate, smaller shapes, but that one central funnel continues to grow and grow, like this angry, waving tornado of broken–

TALIESIN: I’m going to flip one of the boats over as a shield and hide behind it.

MARISHA: As a druid, would I recognize if this is an air elemental situation?

MATT: Make an intelligence check.

MARISHA: Ugh, why are they always intelligence–

MATT: With advantage because it is possibly elemental-based.

TALIESIN: Hey!

MARISHA: Natural 20!

MATT: Two of the entities that are coming out of this wind from the sides are definitely air elemental by nature. You’re very familiar with this form of physicality. You’ve taken on this form of physicality. However, whatever this large, strange glass-shard-encompassed entity is, it’s elemental in nature but you’re not sure what it is. You’ve not encountered something of this form, at least on this plane.

MARISHA: Bigger?

MATT: Bigger.

MARISHA: Badder?

MATT: I would like you to roll initiative.

TRAVIS: Just the three of them, right?

LAURA: Does the wind seem strong enough that if I hopped up on my broom that I would get blown away?

MATT: Not at the moment, no.

LAURA: Okay, I want to try doing that, then.

TRAVIS: Oh, he’s pulling it back.

MARISHA: Aw snap!

LAURA: Look at the water!

LIAM: Boats, there’s little boats!

LAURA: It looks like waves.

LIAM: (singing) Hello, my name is Simon.

ALL: (singing) And I like to do drawings.

MATT: Percy has taken one of the boats and placed it as a guard. Keyleth stands here. You guys are way off at the treeline.

TRAVIS: Just pointing and laughing.

MATT: Oh god! I killed Percy! There we go. And Vax, you’re off that side. What you’re seeing is this swirling torrent of broken glass with these two air elementals encroaching on the sides there.

SAM: Percy, you’re going to need a bigger boat.

(laughter)

MATT: And with that, let’s go ahead and roll some initiative, folks.

LAURA: Did I get in the air before initiative, or–?

MATT: We’ll say as the wind’s picking up, you can begin to get up in the air, yes.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: How far are you going up? Whole 30 feet?

LAURA: Like 20 feet.

MATT: 20 feet? All righty, let’s do it.

MARISHA: (sighs) This isn’t great.

TALIESIN: I don’t quite know what to do.

MARISHA: I don’t, either. I’m assuming there hasn’t been enough time to where we’ve taken a short rest, correct?

MATT: Nope!

MARISHA: Not good, you guys.

MATT: Okay, we’ll say there you are, on your broom.

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: So initiative rolls here.

LAURA: Trinket’s going to be so useful against a tornado.

SAM: Yeah, he can bite the wind.

LAURA: Yeah. Of course, really anything.

TALIESIN: I legitimately have no idea what’s about to happen, because–

MATT: All righty, so 25 to 20?

TALIESIN: 22.

SAM: Are we all? We’re not all rolling, just–

MATT: Everyone right now? Even though you’re not currently in the middle of the fray, this is going to gauge how soon you can get to them.

SAM: Oh. 19.

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

LAURA: You’re an eagle!

TRAVIS: Because I have advantage on initiative rolls.

MATT: You do. So plus– what’s your dex?

TRAVIS: My dex is two.

MATT: So 22.

TALIESIN: That’s the same as me!

MATT: All right, 20 to 15?

LIAM: 17.

MATT: 17. You got 19? Scanlan. Vax. 15 to ten.

LAURA: Ten. Yay.

MARISHA: Five. (clears throat) Five.

LAURA: Oh no. You’re going to be the most useful one too. It’s okay, it’s power play right at the end.

MARISHA: [no audio] from the last fight.

[no audio]

MARISHA: It takes both of my beast-shaping forms to go elemental.

TRAVIS and LAURA: (singing) It takes two, baby!

MARISHA: (singing) It takes two, baby!

LIAM: Wow, I did that too, except I went Into the Woods.

MATT: Swirling forward, the giant maelstrom, its speed rapid-fast, this torrent of razor-sharp glass bits spirals forward and threatens to engulf both Percy and Vex.

LAURA: Guess I should have gone higher.

TALIESIN: It’s going to mock my cover, isn’t it?

MATT: Yeah, it moves around it. Unfortunately, a [no audio] like this can swirl through the small spaces. All right, so we have that. It’s going to go ahead and attempt a Whirlwind.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: So I need both Vex and Percy to roll a strength saving throw.

TALIESIN: Okay, this is not a ranged attack on any level, I can’t counter because it’s not a ranged attack. Okay! This is just going to suck. Ah! Well, that’s nice.

LAURA: What?

TALIESIN: 20.

LAURA: Oh. That’s nicer. 15.

MATT: Okay. So Percy. You go ahead and take ten points of piercing damage as the glass shards go splitting towards you, jamming into your exposed skin. You get underneath the boat and it just gives you enough cover to minimize the damage. You, however, up above. The wind picks up and swirls around you. You’re losing control of the broom. You take 20 points of piercing damage in the center of this cyclone of death.

LAURA: Cyclone of death!

MATT: All right, and you are flung 40 feet in a random direction. That would be that way. So you are flung this far away, off the broom and prone, and you fall and hit the ground. I need you to go ahead and roll a dexterity saving throw. Actually no, because you didn’t hit anything else. You don’t need to do that. So this is going to be straight fall damage. It’s an additional ten points of bludgeoning damage as you hit the ground, the wind almost knocked out of your chest, still clutching the broom in your left hand.

LAURA: Yeah, it’s also got a thing on it that hooks to me that Percy made.

TALIESIN: Yeah, it can’t fly too far.

MATT: Yeah, you’re still holding onto it.

LAURA: It’s like a surfboard.

LIAM: Boogie board.

MATT: All right, that ends its turn. That brings us to Percy. Beginning of your turn, you are still in the whirlwind currently, and its jagged form forces you to take 13 points of piercing damage, just being in the maelstrom itself.

TALIESIN: 13 points? Okay.

MATT: 13 points of piercing damage. Now it’s your turn, Percy.

TALIESIN: That’s 89. Okay, I’m sorry. I’m doing math, which is apparently really difficult. It’s been a day. Okay, out of desperation, having no possible idea of what else to do, I’m going to try and shoot at bits of it to see if I can dislodge anything? I don’t know, trying to shatter some of the glass? And yell bloody murder?

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I’ll take a standard shot to begin with.

MATT: Are you going to move, or are you going to stay where you are?

TALIESIN: For the moment, I’m going to stay where I am. Well actually, I’m too close to get a decent shot, aren’t I?

MATT: It will give you disadvantage on each attack, because you’re doing ranged in melee.

TALIESIN: All right, I’m going to back off about ten feet?

MATT: Which direction? Into the water?

TALIESIN: Yep! I want to be about waist-deep, if I can.

MATT: Okay, you’re still technically in melee. It has a large reach with its [no audio] if you move five more feet, you can.

TALIESIN: I’ll move five more feet–

MATT: You’re now above [no audio]

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: Knees and waist, so your movement is halved. However, as you pull out of its range, a giant pseudopod of swirling [no audio] (whoosh) runs towards you and gets an attack of opportunity on you.

TALIESIN: That’s fine.

MATT: It rolled really bad. That is a 14.

TALIESIN: My AC is 18.

MATT: You weave underneath, the wind causes the water around you to splash and scatter in both directions, but you avoid a giant blender of broken glass to the face. What are you doing?

TALIESIN: (sighs) It’s reminding me of something that happened this week. Okay, I’m going to take a– blender of glass. It’s a whole thing. I’m going to take a shot at it to see if it does anything?

MARISHA: We need to have breakfast.

TALIESIN: I know.

MARISHA: What the fuck.

TALIESIN: We never talk anymore.

LIAM: In character or out of character?

MARISHA: Both?

MATT: Grog, you’re up next.

TALIESIN: That’s 23 to hit?

MATT: 23 to hit hits.

TALIESIN: All right, let’s see what happens with–

LAURA: When you shoot a whirlwind.

TALIESIN: I’m trying to shoot a whirlwind. I don’t know if this is actually going to do anything. I’m not feeling very hopeful. Nine points of piercing damage?

MATT: Okay, gotcha. You fire and you watch as some of its form takes impact and some of the glass breaks. It looks like it did sustain some sort of esoteric wound from the blast, though not as much as you would hope from your weapon.

TALIESIN: Huh.

MATT: But it did take damage.

TALIESIN: I assume none of my Trick Shot stuff is going to use– that thing’s weird.

MARISHA: It’ll work. They take half damage for shit.

TALIESIN: Okay! I’m going to take a couple shots, see what happens. I’m going to do a Sharpshooter shot.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: That’s another 23.

MATT: With the Sharpshooter minus five? Hits.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that was a much better roll. So that’s 24 points of damage.

MATT: 24. All righty. This one still is a larger impact than the last one, but it’s still shooting in the middle of this swirling mass, so it’s not impacting it as much as you’d hoped.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take a third shot. And here we go. With the same Sharpshooter. 21.

MATT: 21 hits.

TALIESIN: Ooh, that’s nice! 25 points of damage. It was a very good shot. And I’m now going to call over the earpiece: everyone back! Giant flying glass wind, oh god! And I’m going to take a deep breath– that’s actually what I said. I’m going to take a deep breath and I’m going to dive underwater. Put my gun away and dive underwater.

MATT: All right. Underneath the surface there. It is murky and dark. It’s so close to the shoreline and with the black silt that washes in there, you have no visibility underneath.

TALIESIN: That’s cool.

MATT: All right. That brings us to Grog.

TRAVIS: (squawks) I look over at Scanlan and I’m like (squawk)?

SAM: Kill the wind! Let’s go!

TRAVIS: So can I hold my movement until Scanlan moves? So I’ll take us both over there is my intention.

MATT: You can’t hold your movement, unfortunately.

TRAVIS: Can’t hold my movement.

MATT: So you spend your movement and you can hold your action to do something if you want to.

LAURA: Yeah. Scanlan can probably turn you back once you get over there.

TRAVIS: I’m going to take off and I’m going to go towards them and as high as I can go.

MATT: Okay. Giant eagle’s speed.

SAM: Bye, Grog.

LIAM: Bye!

MATT: So yeah. You’re a little over 100 feet away from them, so the 80 feet as your movement speed, with just your movement and holding your action if you wanted to, you can coast up as fast as you can, and at that apex of the end of your movement, what action are you holding? What’s the trigger?

TRAVIS: I’ll actually go ahead and take my action and I’ll stop flapping my wings. My intention is to plummet.

MATT: Okay. Well then, you can use your action to then move again, like dash it and go right above it if you wanted to do that.

TRAVIS: Yeah, right above it. That’ll work.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Because don’t you guys like, once you break out of your animal form, you change back?

MARISHA: Well, you take damage and then whatever damage that you take that is carried over into your real form.

LIAM: Into your 5,000 hit points.

TALIESIN: You’ll be fine.

MARISHA: So if you take 80 hit points, you’ll take you know, the ten that your eagle form took and then you’ll take the other 70.

SAM: You’ll be fine. I like this plan.

MARISHA: You’ll be fine. You’re Grog. You got it.

SAM: Suicidal eagle.

LAURA: You’re went 100 feet up, Travis? Grog?

MATT: There’s you with a Scanlan.

SAM: Oh! Oh, I was on him.

MATT: Unless you didn’t want to be on him. You want to stay behind?

SAM: Sure, I guess I’m taking this ride too.

MATT: If you want, you can still be 100 feet back.

TRAVIS: You can fall off into the water if–

SAM: No, I would have gone with him.

MATT: Because I was thinking you were on his back still.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: All right, there it is. So you’re holding, so that’s your turn. What are you doing, Scanlan?

SAM: Well, I can’t do much now because if I do anything, he’ll break his eagle form.

TRAVIS: Which is okay!

SAM: And then I’ll fall too!

LIAM: Hopefully you’re close.

SAM: So I’m 100 feet up. Straight up over this thing. Right?

MATT: 80 feet up.

SAM: 80 feet up. Okay, I hang over the side and I will Lightning Bolt straight down into the eye of the tornado.

MATT: All righty. So with that–

LAURA: I feel like lightning is good because it turns glass into–

MATT: That is 19 for its dexterity save. What’s your DC with your cone?

SAM: Oh, it’s 21.

MATT: 21. So yeah, it fails. Go ahead and roll damage on the Lightning Bolt.

TALIESIN: Would I get caught in that?

MATT: It’s right at the cusp of the water.

TALIESIN: It’s also water. I honestly am just looking for an excuse to hit the glove. I’m happy to take the damage.

MATT: I would say that due to the proximity you might take a little bit because the conduit of the water around you. Because it’s a lot of water, it’s going to dissipate pretty evenly.

SAM: 28.

MATT: 28. All right. It blasts through the storm, slamming, causing glass dust to shoot up in this giant cloud around it and fall gently to the beach side. You go ahead and take, Percy, five points of lightning damage, just being nearby in the water.

TALIESIN: Awesome possum.

MATT: It impacted, though not as strongly as you would have hoped. It seems almost like the lightning is somewhat in the sphere of the element of whatever this creature is.

SAM: Oh. So it did not take full–

MATT: It took damage, but it didn’t take full damage.

MARISHA: It’s also the air druid you’ve been traveling with. Uses a lot of lightning. (coughs)

MATT: (laughs) Does that end your turn, Scanlan? Are you going to move or do anything?

SAM: Yeah, I mean, I don’t want to move.

TALIESIN: He says he can’t hear you over the comm.

SAM: I’ll inspire Grog.

MATT: He’s the only one within earshot, so yes.

SAM: I will sing in his ear: (singing) Fly like an eagle to the sea. Fly like an eagle– don’t drop me!

(laughter)

LIAM, MARISHA and TALIESIN: (sing to the tune of “Fly Like An Eagle”)

MATT: All right, go ahead and take your d10 inspiration die. All righty, ending Scanlan’s turn. Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: How far away did I get?

MATT: You just took off when this happened or heard that, so you’d be your full movement away from it, which is 60 feet?

LIAM: 60 feet, yeah.

MATT: At this point, Haste has worn off. So you’re 60 feet away. It would take you your full movement. You can swoop back and get right in the fray.

LIAM: Yes, then I would like to fly straight at the maelstrom.

LAURA: And stab the whirlwind.

LIAM: I would like to do that, actually.

MATT: You’re going to dive-bomb through and chest-burster out the other side of this whirlwind.

LIAM: I hope so! I hope so, and is that Trinket right next to it?

LAURA: It is.

LIAM: Then I will get sneak attack damage and I would like to use, oh good god, Divine Smite on the attack.

SAM: Ooh, what is that all about?

MATT: Okay. Hold Divine Smite until you hit. You don’t have to say you use it until you confirm hit.

LIAM: Right. All right. That’s a 20. That’s a 30.

MATT: That’ll hit.

LAURA: That was so close to a one.

LIAM: Yeah. It went one, 19.

MATT: Yeah, that’ll hit.

LIAM: All right. So we start with a one and then we add these. Two, three, four, nine, 15, 20, 25, 28. Plus Divine Smite, since this is the first time I’ve ever done it, is 2d8. What did I just get up to? Shit.

TRAVIS and LAURA: 28.

LIAM: 28. Thank you. Plus Divine Smite is 20, 30, 38.

MATT: 38 points of damage. As your wings out, bullet-bird form Vax, you swoop down and punch straight through the back of this maelstrom. You see its form briefly fluctuate and have a hard time holding itself together as you slam into the beach sand and glass right over next to Trinket, sending a cloud out in front of you that slowly comes down like a wave on the opposite side. You stand there for a second, look back over and Trinket licks you up on the side of your face, making a very cool moment maybe not as cool at the very end, but still pretty cool overall. Cool, do you want to do anything else?

LIAM: So I used movement to get there?

MATT: You used your movement to get there, you used an attack to go through.

LIAM: I’m going to swipe again, because I’ve got the bonus action?

MATT: Okay, this would be a throw, because right now, the angle you had to come through to punch through it, you would have landed about 15 feet from it.

LIAM: Love it. That is 24? Yeah.

MATT: 24. So you land and then (whoosh) throw another dagger back at that.

LIAM: So excited by the Divine Smite. There’s that. And that is a little bitty two plus six is eight. And I forgot to add my bonus to the dagger before, so you can make that 14 for total damage.

MATT: 14 total. Nice! So after you punch through, you can see the burst through with this flash of vibrant radiant energy that sparks through its internal form, a glow that’s reminiscent of what you’ve seen from Pike’s spells before, but with more of a grayer, less yellow color to it. Throwing behind with that secondary dagger, it plunges into the whirlwind and you see some sparks inside as it clashes with the different broken pieces of glass and eventually returns to your hand. I believe that ends your turn.

LIAM: I’m a real paladin!

MATT: Now, the two other elementals are going to go.

LAURA: Oh no, there’s two more?

MATT: Yep. This one’s going to flank up behind Keyleth–

MARISHA: What’s up, brah?

LIAM: Glass as well, or–?

MATT: No, these are actual air elementals.

LIAM: Air elementals.

MATT: There is some glass being pulled up in their form as they go, but it’s not quite the maelstrom in the center that’s drawing everything into it. That’s going to be two slam attacks against you, Keyleth, and two slam attacks against you, Vax. Against Keyleth, that is 21?

MARISHA: Yeah, that hits.

MATT: And 19.

MARISHA: That also hits.

LIAM: Disadvantage against me.

MATT: Yes. That is 12?

LIAM: Nope.

MATT: And the other is 12. Rolled two fours in a row.

LIAM: Sorry, Charlie.

MATT: The elemental comes up and swings its giant whirlwind-like fists towards you. You duck under one and then leap over the second one, landing back on your place in the beach. Keyleth, unfortunately, looking at the focus of this and trying to ascertain the nature of what these creatures are and how you could possibly control or bend it–

MARISHA: Oh hey, Gary, what’s up? Aww man. God damn it, Gary. You were always a dick.

MATT: 14 points of bludgeoning damage.

MARISHA: 14? Okay.

MATT: And 13 points of bludgeoning damage. So 27 total.

MARISHA: 27 total.

LAURA: Is that a hit point ring?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: That’s badass.

MATT: All right, that ends their turn now. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Me.

MATT: You’re ground into the sand right now, dug a few inches into it from the impact of your shoulder and left a groove on the beach.

LAURA: Ow!

MATT: There’s glass sticking into your shoulder and you’re like “Ugh!”

LAURA: Ugh! I stand up for my movement.

MATT: Half your movement.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So you still have 15 more feet you can move.

LAURA: Hunter’s Mark that motherfucker!

MATT: Big one?

LAURA: Yeah, the big one! And then I’m going to shoot him! Twice! With Fenthras, which is the first time I’ve actually shot a real arrow for this one.

MATT: Do it.

LAURA: Okay, please hit.

SAM: It breaks in half. Super old, it doesn’t work.

LAURA: 27?

MATT: 27 hits.

LAURA: On the first hit.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Natural one on the second, motherfuck. 16. A natural one is–

MATT: A natural one just misses, yeah.

LAURA: Okay cool. That’s awesome. Great. So wait. That’s a d8, plus a d4 for lightning. That’s a ten. Jesus. Wait. Ten plus ten is 20.

LIAM: So much math with this thing.

LAURA: I know. 23!

MATT: 23 points of damage with one arrow. That’s really nice.

TRAVIS: Yeah. That’s a Vestige for you.

MATT: Also, don’t forget that–

LAURA: Four of them is lightning.

MATT: Right. Four is lightning. So actually, that would be halved. So that would be 21 points of damage. Also. When you take the attack action– no, you already used your bonus action to do the Hunter’s Mark. Never mind.

LAURA: What?

MATT: I was going to say having Trinket next to it, but I realized you used your bonus action to–

LAURA: Yeah. I’m establishing that and then Trinket can do his moves.

MATT: Right. Okay, cool.

LAURA: Can I use the rest of my movement to get back up on the broom? And go up in the air?

MATT: Sure! You go ahead and grab the broom and you manage to go ahead and–

LAURA: Get 30 feet in the air this time maybe?

MATT: I’ll say due to the nature of this, no, not quite. You get 20.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Let’s see. This is the extent of your ascension right now. There you go. That ends your turn. Keyleth.

MARISHA: Okay. So not feeling great about this one.

TRAVIS: This is, like, your shit, so let’s go.

SAM: Put up or shut up, Keyleth.

MARISHA: I could try and talk to them, but that never goes well, let’s be real. So I’m going to cast Wind Wall. Okay, here’s my question. I’m having a hard time seeing, so help me. That’s me. Who’s that?

MATT: Vax is here with Trinket. Elemental, elemental and the giant glass maelstrom.

MARISHA: Okay. I have a 50-foot Wind Wall that I can shape whichever way I want?

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: So what I want to do is try and loop us all in and go around, Jesus, go around this way.

LIAM: Oh yeah, go around Jesus.

MATT: Like a circle, almost?

MARISHA: Yes. Like a semi-circle starting with this guy going this way. 50 feet.

MATT: So like a Wind Wall–

MARISHA: Because it can go over top of guys. So starting 50 feet going around this way.

MATT: Around a circle this way?

MARISHA: The other way, but yeah. I mean it’s 50 feet, it’ll work. I guess it doesn’t ultimately matter.

MATT: What shape do you want with the Wind Wall?

MARISHA: A circle.

MATT: A circle like this?

MARISHA: I want to block the three guys out with my 50 feet.

MATT: Out. I see.

MARISHA: I want to go over top of them.

MATT: Right.

MARISHA: And keep us nice and safe and comfy in a wind basket.

MATT: Okay, so over top of them. Completely around you guys?

MARISHA: Whatever 50 feet will cover.

MATT: That’s about the length right there.

MARISHA: Because there’s a little overlap, so can I start it with this guy and then go around to where that couple feet goes to this guy?

MATT: I mean it’ll hit all three of them.

MARISHA: Oh, okay! That’s all I care about.

MATT: Yeah. So you reach down, concentrate, slam your hand onto the ground and as you do, the wind picks up out of the dust and the dirt and the glass and begins to cause another torrent of chaos around you, this one controlled by you, slamming into the other ones. They have to make a strength saving throw.

MARISHA: I say: That’s a big tornado. I can make a bigger one!

MATT: What’s your spell DC again?

MARISHA: 19.

MATT: 19. So this is a strength saving throw. 18. Fail for the maelstrom. And fail, and fail. Fail for all them! So that’s 3d8 bludgeoning damage.

MARISHA: Uh-huh, and they should be gaseous forms, if I’m not mistaken, which means they can’t move through it.

MATT: Correct. So right now they are all currently locked in the Wind Wall right now.

MARISHA: That’s right they are! I’m done. I’m excited. That’s my thing. That’s all I do.

LAURA: Oh, roll damage!

MARISHA: Oh, sorry. Nature!

SAM: It’s like you were built for this fight.

LAURA: Is it possible to go higher to get above the Wind Wall?

MATT: It’s 15 feet.

MARISHA: 13 damage! Not great.

MATT: 15 feet high. So how much is it total?

MARISHA: 13 total.

TALIESIN: It’s like you’ve weaponized a CVS auto-door basically.

MATT: All right, cool. Finishes your turn, Keyleth. You staying where you are?

MARISHA: Can I now shift away from the guy?

MATT: It’ll still get an attack of opportunity as soon as you break from combat, but you can still move away.

TALIESIN: Is it technically grappled?

MATT: No, not grappled.

MARISHA: He can’t move through.

MATT: They’re fighting to keep themselves in place and together as the Wind Wall is tearing them apart.

MARISHA: I’ll turn to them and be like: Let’s do the mirror game, man! Do the mirror game, yeah? And that’s it.

MATT: The maelstrom cannot pass through the wall. It is going to move away from it, shifting over to where Percy is currently underwater. As you’re hiding down, this whirlpool begins to tear into it and all the water around you is jettisoned from all sides. You’re no longer submerged as you’re lifted up.

TALIESIN: Would that actually–? Okay, fine. In theory, if there’s a storm, you go underwater.

MARISHA: You’ve seen Sharknado.

MATT: This is an extremely forceful, angry magical elemental tornado of death and hatred, so yes.

LIAM: Are you sure dragons are real?

TALIESIN: I am absolutely sure dragons are real; I’ve killed two of them.

MARISHA: Percy, we’ve got cows!

MATT: It does get its Whirlwind recharged, but it’s not going to use it. It’s going to slam attack you twice, Percy.

TALIESIN: That’s fine.

LAURA: It’s saving its Whirlwind attack.

MATT: It has advantage on attack rolls against you because you are currently prone in the sand. That’s going to be 22.

TALIESIN: Oh, that hits.

MATT: The second slam attack is going to be 31.

TALIESIN: Oh wow. Yeah, that somehow just barely hits.

MATT: The first attack is going to be 28 points of piercing damage. Right on top, slamming you. Your face goes right into the muck with a sucking sound as you feel like someone’s grinding a hundred blades into the back of your skull. Then it releases and comes down a second time for 22 points of piercing damage.

LAURA: How many hit points do you start with, Percy?

TALIESIN: 112.

LIAM: (scoffs) So offensive. I’m still at 99!

TALIESIN: I am not doing well, but I am alive.

MARISHA: You’ll reach triple digits some day.

LIAM: Yeah, I’ll roll a one on my next level up.

(laughter)

MATT: But you’ll be there!

LIAM: Oh, let me see what my constitution bonus is. Oh, it’s nothing.

MATT: It is now your turn, Percival. At the beginning of the turn, as you’re in its jagged form radius, you take– double ones. Seven points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Because he’s in its what?

MATT: He starts his turn within the center of its form.

TRAVIS: Got it. So stay out of that.

MATT: Yeah, even being in its form is terrible. It’s like one of those money grab booths, except instead of money, it’s just lots and lots of pain.

TALIESIN: Pain and lack of hit points. I also assume it gets an attack of opportunity on me if I leave its radius.

MATT: It does.

TALIESIN: Of course it does. It can break away from the wall, it just can’t pass through it.

MATT: Can’t pass through it, correct.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MARISHA: Sorry, you left our huddle.

TALIESIN: The first thing I’m going to do is burn a bonus heal. I’ve got a heal that I can do, so I’m going to heal myself a little bit so I’m not quite as close to death. Let’s add 12 points. That’s nice. Slightly better than before. Oh, bugger. I’m going to pull my sword and, technically speaking, I’m perfectly fine to just back and slash on this thing right now, right?

MATT: Yep! You stand up, using half your movement.

TRAVIS: Works for me.

TALIESIN: I stand up using half my movement and start slashing at it like nobody’s business.

MATT: Go for it, and it is a magical sword.

TALIESIN: It is a magical sword. Thank you for reminding me. I’m going to roll three at a time to make life a little easier. That’s 21, 22, and 23.

MATT: All hit! Go ahead and roll damage.

SAM: Wow!

MARISHA: You hit so easily.

TALIESIN: I do. You know why I hit easily? Because I do very little actual damage. It doesn’t count as a dragon, does it? Oh, look at that!

SAM: They’re all the same.

TALIESIN: Yep!

MARISHA: He rolled six, six six.

TALIESIN: 13. I rolled six, six, six. Roll of the beast. That’s 39 points of damage.

MATT: Okay. How do you want to do this?

(cheering)

SAM: You killed the wind!

MATT: From the inside.

MARISHA: From the inside!

TALIESIN: Has anyone seen this terrible movie called “Rob Roy?”

TRAVIS: Oh yes.

TALIESIN: Okay. I’m going to start conducting it and spinning, slashing, and then dropping it to the bloody ground.

MATT: Okay, you guys watch as suddenly the maelstrom begins to come to this uneasy torrent holding its form together. You start seeing slashes and whirls of metal and flinging of blade-like action within the inside of its form before, all of a sudden, there’s a burst of glass and dust that then rains to the ground as the water rushes into the space. You see there standing damp, cut, all these small wounds across his face, lines of blood dripping down the sides, Percy, with the blade jammed into the beach, one hand in the air as the water (splashing) up to his shoulders as he slowly stands up in place.

LAURA: Sick!

TALIESIN: I’m going to slowly start making my way, with great determination and not particularly much speed, I’m going to hobble my way toward the next one of those bastards.

MATT: Okay, so that’s as far as you could get. Because on land it’s considered rough terrain. Or, you can go full speed but you’ll take damage for every five feet you move full speed. Glass, it sucks. All right, that ends Percy’s turn, Grog you’re up.

TRAVIS: All right, since he killed the big one can I fly down to the one that’s right next to Vax with Scanlan on my booty?

MATT: Yes you can. (caws) Right next to him.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Now, if hopefully I wanted him to lift the form, would I hold my action?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Yes! I want to do that.

MATT: So holding your attacks until the form is lifted.

TRAVIS: I want to land right next to him, like right behind him.

LIAM: You’re a bird.

MATT: Totally. That ends your turn, except for your held action. What are you doing, Scanlan?

SAM: Me? I have to do something now?

MATT: Yeah. It’s your turn.

SAM: I will do Bigby’s Hand, and it’s a concentration spell so Polymorph would drop for Grog.

MATT: Yes, it does. Where is Bigby’s Hand going?

SAM: Right on the guy who’s right in front of us.

MATT: Before you continue that, as soon as Bigby’s Hand appears, the eagle form vanishes and Grog, you come out with your axes in your hands, angry.

TRAVIS: Surprise, bitches!

MATT: Not raging unfortunately, but you do get your attacks.

TRAVIS: Surprise, gents.

MATT: You’re angry, you’re just not raging. So go ahead, and take your two attacks.

TRAVIS: Woohoo! I would like to make them reckless attacks.

MATT: That’s fine, but these are regular not rage attacks.

LIAM: I say, I’m going to have to kill you, dear boy.

TRAVIS: That’s a 15.

MATT: 15, the first one? Total? That hits actually. That just barely hits.

TRAVIS: Should I roll the other one right now? Oh no, it’s just one attack, right?

MATT: No, two attacks.

TRAVIS: Natural one. 24.

MATT: Hits. So two hits on that.

SAM: Yes, Grog, yes.

LAURA: Make the wind your bitch.

TRAVIS: Yeah, make it my bitch. Ugh, math is hard. 16, plus bloodaxe, six, so 22.

MATT: 22 for the first hit.

TRAVIS: I’m working it out. The second one, 14, then another six for 20. Necrotic on the last, yeah.

MATT: Correct. All right, awesome. This is– you’re not adding your rage damage to this.

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: Cool. So that finishes your two strikes. Whack. Whack. Scanlan, you have your Bigby’s Hand up. What are you going to do?

SAM: Does it look like hitting it hurt it?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Okay, well then I’ll punch it. I’ll punch it in its wind face.

MATT: Right in its wind fucking face. All right, go ahead and roll an attack using your melee spell attack. Roll a d20 and add your spell attack bonus.

SAM: Is that a futzed roll? I need a judgment.

TALIESIN: I’m calling it futzed.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: Did I have a bonus action or did I use it to hit?

MATT: You can’t hold a bonus action. That was on your turn.

SAM: Nine plus 11. 20.

MATT: 20 just– no, 20 hits, totally. So yeah, roll 4d8 force damage.

LAURA: Wow.

TALIESIN: You need some d8s or you cool?

SAM: Nah, I’ll just do this. 18.

MARISHA: Kill it. Kill it.

MATT: So between Grog’s attacks and the giant fist slamming into the side of the air elemental, you can see it gets slammed to the dust, causing this push and it begins to lift itself up, causing this almost jack-o-lantern angry face to appear in this whirlwind. But it’s a having a hard time keeping its form together. It begins to glance about for some form of escape. Scanlan, do you want to move on your turn at all?

SAM: I will inspire Vax with a selection from The Ultimate Dad Jokes.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

LIAM: I am so ready for this.

SAM: Should I pick a random page?

LIAM: Hit me.

SAM: A conductor once told me that a euphonium is Latin for you’re a fraud.

LAURA: What? Oh, you phony.

SAM: What’s the name of the movie about the Cow von Trapp family? The Sound of Moo-sic.

MATT: All right, take your inspiration die.

LIAM: Subtracted from me instead? He never gives me inspiration that often. What is it?

MATT: 1d10.

SAM: Oh, fellow dad for that joke.

MATT: Did your inspiration die go up last level, or is it next one?

SAM: Well, it’s been d10 for a while.

MATT: Right, but I’m trying to remember. I think it’s next level it goes up to a d12.

LAURA: Oh, you haven’t leveled up.

TALIESIN: We haven’t leveled up yet. We’re still hanging at 14.

SAM: Yeah, it’s d10.

MATT: Yeah. Next level it becomes a d12.

MARISHA: We’re level elitists for two more games.

MATT: Basically. Scanlan’s turn’s over. Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: I have a rules question, DM. Normally when I attack one character, one attack gets sneak attack, but can I sneak attack the one behind me and attack the other one that’s by Keyleth? I’ve got friends around both.

MATT: You can attack them both, but you only can sneak attack once per round.

LIAM: On one, okay. Then I’m going to shank backwards to the one behind me, and it’s flanked. There’s four of us around it, so advantage on this one.

MATT: Well, let’s go ahead and and look at that Wind Wall.

LIAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: Let’s take a look at the Wind Wall.

MARISHA: It should only affect ranged attacks. It should only affect ranged attacks and gaseous creatures because I doubled checked that.

TRAVIS: Honestly, I’m quite often a gaseous creature.

TALIESIN: You are definitely. You are practically my textbook definition of a gaseous creature.

MATT: It won’t have much of an impact on you. You’re fine. Just making sure. Forcing your hand through it.

LIAM: 23.

MATT: 23 hits. Are you sneak attacking this one or the other one?

LIAM: This one.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Three, plus (yelps) four equals seven.

LAURA: (laughs and imitates yelp)

TALIESIN: Muppet Liam.

TRAVIS: That sound!

LIAM: 28 on that one.

LIAM: (yells) That’s Howard Dean.

MATT: As you stab through, the form dissipates upon impact.

LIAM: I was hoping that would happen, and then I’m going to dive and roll around Keyleth and stab the next one.

MATT: As you throw your dagger, it does catch the Wind Wall and gets flung out of the way.

LIAM: No, I meant to run that way.

MATT: Oh, you want to run this way.

LIAM: Can I run through it?

MATT: Okay. You can move up to there. That you can.

LIAM: And attack, and that was a 23 to hit.

MATT: 23 does hit.

LIAM: Which is a big seven.

MATT: Seven points of damage to it. All right. One is destroyed. You rush forward and stab the other one. It’s hard to push through the Wind Wall to even get to its form. You do manage to find purchase. It takes some damage. That ends your turn. It is now its turn. It moves into both of your spaces now, we’ll say up against the two of you there–

MARISHA: Can it do that?

MATT: –and it’s going to (whoosh) into a whirlwind. Yeah, it can. It’s an air elemental.

MARISHA: It can move through the wind?

MATT: The Wind Wall? It can fly up and over. It has 90 speed.

MARISHA: Keep going. I’m going to cross-reference that. Keep going.

MATT: Because the Wind Wall itself, if I recall–

MARISHA: I’m just checking. Nah, keep going.

MATT: I’m going to check now before I do all these rolls.

MARISHA: See how tall it is.

MATT: It is 15 feet high.

MARISHA: All right, yep.

TALIESIN: Dueling dictionaries.

MARISHA: Nope. It is 15 feet high. You’re correct. He hops the fence.

MATT: It does (hissing wind) and swirls around in a whirlwind between the two of you. I need both of you guys to make strength saving throws.

LIAM: Strength? Damn it.

MARISHA: Who, me?

MATT: Yeah. Keyleth and Vax.

MARISHA: What? Strength?

SAM: You have inspiration.

LIAM: I’m going to use Luck. Ugh, screw you, inspiration die! I mean, thank you for it, but still, screw you! I’m going to use my inspiration on top of that. Oh yay! 16?

MARISHA: 19!

MATT: Both of you guys succeed, so you take half damage.

LIAM: Damn it, Gil!

MARISHA: Goddamn it, Gil!

TALIESIN: Mine’s been rocking. I don’t know what your problem is.

LAURA: Of course it has, Taliesin.

MARISHA: You’re an anomaly.

LIAM: How much damage was that?

MATT: You both take six points of bludgeoning damage.

LIAM: Six, okay. I’m dead.

MATT: And you hold your ground. It doesn’t fling you about. It’s not strong enough. It’s wind, its smaller form unable to push both of you entirely off your feet, so well done. That ends its turn. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Can I fly over it so that I can shoot down onto it?

MATT: You can, actually.

LAURA: Then, as my bonus action, I’m going to have Trinket run up and attack it.

SAM: Whoa! Trinket attack something?

MATT: You fly up enough where you have a view over the Wind Wall and take two shots, and as a bonus action, Trinket will rush up and bite it.

LAURA: Yeah! Trinket’s going to bite it.

SAM: Bite the wind!

LAURA: 26.

MATT: 26 hits. Second attack.

LAURA: 14 hit points for Trinket.

MATT: 14. So that was Trinket’s attack? 14 points of damage from Trinket. Pushing forward and (growling) growling and biting through the middle of it, mouth full of glass. It’s not fun, but it does some damage.

LAURA: 17 for my hit.

MATT: Hits.

LAURA: And then the next one hits. It’s higher.

MATT: Okay, so two hits. Roll damage on that.

LAURA: Okay!

TRAVIS: That’s a lot of math.

LAURA: I know. 20 points for the first one. Oh, plus sneak attack! 24 points. Two of those are lightning.

MATT: Nice.

LAURA: (counting) 14, and then– oh, I don’t get that that time. 14 points for the second one.

MATT: Up above, releasing two arrows. You see a spark as they are released from the bow impacting into it. You see Trinket tear into its form. Every now and then, you see an arm of Vax swing through and Keyleth’s trying to push her way out of the elemental. Right now, it’s this mix of swirling dirt and wind, but it’s seemingly being worn down. The speed in which it’s swirling in its space is beginning to slow and images within its form are getting easier and easier to see. That brings us back to the top. Percival.

TALIESIN: How far away is it?

MATT: It’s about 35 feet from you.

TRAVIS: Come on, wind killer.

TALIESIN: God, I’m going to pull out the gun and start laying waste to it. I’m going to reload and take two shots with Sharpshooter.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Oh no, now that jinxes it. See, that’s better. Look at that. That’s lovely. 26 and 23.

MATT: Both hit. Go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: Somewhere else in the universe, the balance is no more.

LIAM: Who’s missed?

LAURA: Me. I missed. I rolled a one.

MARISHA: We wonder why there’s the West Nile virus.

TRAVIS: Because he got a roll. Thanks, Taliesin. Thanks, Obama.

TALIESIN: 46 points of piercing damage.

MATT: 46 total?

TALIESIN: Yes.

MATT: These are all with Sharpshooter, right?

TALIESIN: There were two shots with Sharpshooter, which is a base of 16 times two, so that’s 32, plus I rolled a ten on that, which pushes it to 42 plus a four, so 46.

LIAM: Is that all?

MATT: Even halved from the impact, you manage to blast the creature, its form hitting the Wind Wall and scattering against it. No longer physically able to hold its form there, the elemental dissipating into the sky in the end.

MARISHA: Percival, he who breaks wind.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: That was for you. Now I feel guilty.

MATT: As you all take a moment to catch your breath and look around, everyone roll a perception check.

LIAM: Natural 20!

SAM: Natural 20!

TALIESIN: Natural one! I’m cleaning my gun. I’m not even looking.

SAM: Wow. Two 20s, two ones so far.

LAURA: 22.

MARISHA: 15. Right in the middle.

MATT: You guys take a moment and glance around. It appears that whatever disturbed wind brought this sudden attack on has dissipated, and the creatures you’ve slaughtered have brought this calm stillness to the beach. All you can hear around you is the occasional (wave sound) of the water up on the shore. It does not appear that there is any immediate danger on the beach.

MARISHA: I suddenly remember the letters that I stole from the ship, and I say: Percival! And I pull them out.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MARISHA: I’m not giving them to you! I’m going to look at them with you.

MATT: They are sketches and designs, one of which is of a more refined pepperbox.

MARISHA: Okay, upon looking at them, I don’t get it, and I hand them to him.

MATT: Okay. You glance through. There are other variations of Retort, the pistol that she had before. You also see a few very complete sketches of a Bad News rebuild. Not as good. Even looking at the design, you can see a few faults in it that prevent it from being as powerful as what you’ve created. Nevertheless, it is a fairly high-powered rifle-like weapon. Beneath them, you see notes of five constructed, and then it’s erased, two on hand.

TALIESIN: Okay. I’m putting this away and not thinking about this for a little while.

MATT: It’s like a ledger keeping tabs of each thing that she’s created.

MARISHA: That was for Bad News?

TALIESIN: I believe that was for Bad– no, it’s the pepperbox, I believe.

LIAM: I want to take a little run towards the water and then shoot out and do what I was trying to do before.

MATT: Okay, so (fluttering).

TALIESIN: Scanlan, can you use your very, very delicate sword and put some very, very gentle difficult-to-see holes in both of these boats?

SAM: Sure. I’m a master swordsman. I draw my blade. Talk to me, baby.

TRAVIS: Talk to me, Goose.

MATT: As you say “baby,” the voice has this, “baby,” this low tuning fork vibration hits the blade. As you begin to go nuts on this ship, you guys watch as splinters of wood go flying.

TALIESIN: That was not what I had in mind! Straight, delicate stabbing.

SAM: Oh, great. Yes.

MATT: You put quite a number of pincushion-like blows to the exterior of the ship’s bow. Neither of these will last much in the water.

TALIESIN: Did we actually end up searching the boats for everything, or did we not end up searching the boats for everything?

MATT: You were about to when this happened.

SAM: Wait, those elementals that we fought– were they left by Ripley? Was it a trap? Did we activate a trap? Is she close by? She can’t have gotten far.

LAURA: It looks like she dragged whatever she found further into the island. Can I call Trinket over and then look at the tracks and see if he smells anybody and see where they took everything?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: Does anyone else want to take a short rest?

MARISHA: Do we have time?

TALIESIN: Where’s she going?

SAM: What if she’s teleporting out of here?

LAURA: 15 for me. Should I roll for Trinket, too, for his smell perception?

MATT: Yeah. Well this is investigation.

LAURA: Oh, okay. I was seeing if he could catch their scent.

MATT: Yeah, then roll a perception check for Trinket.

LAURA: And he’s got advantage on smell. 25.

MATT: As you’re looking about, you see the tracks. You also see in some of the grooves where this heavy object was being dragged, you see one portion where it’s dragged up, or seems to have been dragged up onto a shelf, like a very small six-inch shelf of glass. You can see a scrape and some splinters of wood. Whatever was being dragged appears to be wooden and part of it was very, very faintly damaged when it was dragged up onto the shelf. So you know you’re looking for something made of wood. The wood slivers, as you look at hem, they’re a little swollen and damp.

LAURA: Waterlogged, for sure.

MATT: Whatever these were, they were underwater for a period of time. Trinket goes, (sniffing, growling) and leans the head forward towards the jungle.

TALIESIN: All right.

LAURA: You also have that dog. They can maybe team up and have extra-strong smell perception. Or we can save it.

SAM: I don’t know why I’m saying this, but I trust Trinket.

TALIESIN: You want to keep the dog for later, don’t you?

SAM: Yes.

(laughter)

SAM: Wait, should I heal you, Percy?

TALIESIN: That would be lovely. I’m bleeding over everything.

LAURA: Oh, well, I’ll do one, too.

LIAM: Heal his face. His face is cut up, I say over the earring.

TALIESIN: That is so kind of you to say.

SAM: I’ll heal everything but his face. Let’s see here.

LAURA: Do you have a strong heal?

SAM: No, I’m terrible. It’s tiny.

LAURA: All right. I’ll do a 2nd-level, and I’ll touch your face so I can heal all the little glass shardy things.

TALIESIN: Oh, thank you. Ow.

SAM: I will do a 2nd-level Healing Word, as well. Which is what, 2d4?

MATT: 2d4 plus six.

TALIESIN: That’s nine. Nine is good. I’m a little better.

LAURA: 17 for me.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

SAM: Oh, wait! Before we charge off into the jungle, didn’t you get a shit-ton of potions? Can you hand those out, please?

LAURA: Yeah, totally.

LIAM: Am I seeing anything out on the water?

MATT: The ship is sunk. You do not see anybody currently swimming in the water. Make a perception check.

LIAM: That is a 22.

MATT: 22? Looking about, you can see the bits of the reef that are slightly visible through the murky water surface here in the bay, but the ship is gone. You can see bits of floating broken wood from the impact of the ship. It’s probably going to end up as driftwood on the beach itself. No sign of any survivors.

LIAM: All right. I’ll shoot back.

MATT: You do see two figures out towards it that are floating in the water face-down.

LIAM: Oh yeah?

SAM: Check them for traps.

LIAM: I’m going to go drag them back.

MATT: Okay. You’re not going to be able to drag both of them with the wings.

LIAM: But one, I can?

MATT: One you could, yeah.

LIAM: I will drag one back.

MARISHA: Oh, you’re going to drag my shame into shore?

MATT: Basically, yeah.

LIAM: Your shame? You mean your pride. I drag one back.

MATT: All right. You grab one, and it’s hard. You can barely get any lift, especially since he’s so soaked with the water, it’s an extra weight.

LIAM: Can I stay close to the surface of the water?

MATT: I will ask you to go ahead and make an athletics check.

LIAM: All right.

LAURA: Scanlan, take a greater and a regular healing potion. Percy, take a greater and a regular.

LIAM: Just an 11.

MATT: You’re barely able to keep from being dragged into the water. It takes you a while to get there, because he doesn’t ever actually leave the water, you’re pulling him through it as you go. It takes you about 15 minutes to get him into shore if you do.

LIAM: I’m going to imagine that my wings bamf out soon after that.

MATT: Yeah, you’re getting pretty close to the end of your time with those.

LIAM: I’m going to search him. He’s dead, yeah?

MATT: Yes. Make an investigation check. You guys watch as Vax swings in with the wings, dragging a waterlogged seemingly unconscious or dead body, throws it onto the beach and begins rifling through the pockets.

TRAVIS: Ooh, what’d you find?

LIAM: That is a 22.

MATT: 22. You find 145 gold pieces.

SAM: Oh, hello!

LIAM: That’s the first gold I’ve had in ages.

MATT: You find a spyglass, and you find two small reddish-purple stones that are perfectly spherical in the pocket.

SAM: What is that all about? (whispering) They were playing marbles.

LIAM: All right.

MATT: Okay. That’s all you find.

TRAVIS: What’s that thingy? Pointing to the spyglass.

LIAM: That’s a– you know what that is. Percival, what is that?

TALIESIN: It’s a spyglass, I assume. Yes, here. You can look through and you can see that everything is very far away.

SAM: It looks small now. Everything looks tiny.

TALIESIN: Just like you. Thank you.

MARISHA: So wait, what are the two marbles?

LIAM: That I’ve got in my pocket?

LAURA: Can you pass the spyglass over? I think that would be great on the broom.

TALIESIN: I think that’s a good idea.

LAURA: I’m going to keep this spyglass.

LIAM: Isn’t that for looking through?

TRAVIS: Do you have one of those on your big Bad News?

TALIESIN: I do. It’s not quite as powerful as that, although that is an interesting idea. I might play with that later.

LAURA: Ooh, can I fly up in the air and look through it? Down at the ground. See what I see.

MATT: Fly up, glance out. Make a perception check.

LAURA: Do I get advantage because of the spyglass?

MATT: The DC will change based on what you’re looking for. LIAM: I take the two small stones and I look over at Percival and Keyleth and go–

(laughter)

LIAM: Those look valuable to you?

LAURA: 24.

MARISHA: They look like rocks!

MATT: You have a closer look of the canopy of this jungle. You basically make out the same details that Grog did earlier. There are bits of green. There are bits of live tree here and there, but most of it’s dark and dead.

LAURA: What if I follow from where the path that I saw them dragging, and I follow through the trees? Can I see a path inward from there?

MATT: You see from this distance, there is occasionally a break in the jungle, or a path that could be taken that isn’t completely overgrown and too thick to walk through, but that’s all you can make out from this distance.

TALIESIN: That’ll do. I’m examining one of the red rocks. Does it look like anything? The red circle spheres.

MATT: It looks almost like a polished red quartz, imperfect. You can see texture cracks or layers of a natural forming quartz-like material on the inside.

MARISHA: So it’s like a stone? Is it pretty?

MATT: It’s like a larger marble of stone.

LAURA: Are they magic?

TALIESIN: Probably.

LAURA: Can we arcane them? Arcane check?

SAM: I’ll take a look at these for arcana.

MATT: Make an arcana check.

LAURA: No, Grog. Don’t eat it.

LIAM: You can have it.

SAM: Oh! 19, plus stuff. Plus seven.

MATT: These don’t get used too often. They’re usually used more in emergency nautical circumstances, or used as a means of gaining attention. It’s called a flare stone, and essentially they’re impacted hard, and then thrown high, and they turn into a flare.

LAURA: Is that what we saw? Oh, so he wasn’t a magic user.

MARISHA: That’s cool.

TALIESIN: Well, he was, because he was starting a spell.

MARISHA: They’re flares. That’s cool.

LIAM: Hey, pass that back. That’s mine.

TALIESIN: We should spread them out. Everyone should not have–

LAURA: I take the purple one, you take the red one?

LIAM: No, you take them both.

LAURA: Why do I take them both?

LIAM: You’ve got the broom.

TALIESIN: You’d need one, and someone else take the other.

LAURA: I’ll keep the purple one.

TALIESIN: Let the twins have them, because they’re the ones who will get separated.

MARISHA: That was the perfect interaction.

TRAVIS: Grog remembers that.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: It’s a way to call for help, Grog. I don’t think you’re going to need it very often.

TRAVIS: I take off sullenly towards the trees.

TALIESIN: I’m going to follow. He’s got the right idea.

MATT: Trinket catches up to you. Trinket’s running alongside you, following the smell (sniffing). You guys watch? Is everyone–

TALIESIN: I’m going.

MATT: Okay. All right. You guys push forward, reaching the treeline, and then pushing into the jungle itself. The smell of the saltwater air gives way to now the smell of ash and burnt forest, but old, very faint. It’s less of a recent burn and more an ever-present scent of dead brush. You do catch the occasional sour smell of a tropical flower. You do see bursts of ground brush and living plant life that has pushed through the glass and is slowly retaking the island over time. MARISHA: Can I keep an eye out for that flower?

MATT: Yeah, and you see it a few times. It has a yellowish milky-white color to it, and it has a vibrant purple stamen that protrudes from it. It’s almost a sour milk-type smell. It’s not very pleasant.

MARISHA: I grab a few, put them in my bag.

MATT: Okay. You continue pushing through the petrified forests. You guys pick up, and Trinket picks up, as well, as you’re pushing on for another 150 feet or so, you start noticing broken branches. You see little elements that you’re used to in tracking movement from individuals. You can see what are sheer signs of heavy footfalls, occasionally another grinding along the ground. It looks like whatever was being dragged has now been seemingly picked up, or is now leaving less of an impact. It has more people now working towards moving it. That groove is subtly vanishing as it progresses, but you do see signs of people pushing through the jungle at a rapid pace.

LIAM: Are the twins quietly in the lead?

MATT: Right now, it’s Grog and Trinket in the lead. If you guys want to change up marching order for this, let’s do it.

LIAM: Yeah. Buddy, bud, you’re very big and large and amazing. What do you want?

LAURA: He wants one of those balls to put in his butt.

LIAM: I give him a small piece of glass from the ground and I put it in his hand, then I run up ahead.

TRAVIS: I grab his collar. I pull him back.

LIAM: Try it, buddy!

(laughter)

LIAM: Give me a dexterity check, Matthew.

MATT: Make a strength check, or an athletics check, Grog. You make an acrobatics check.

LIAM: All right. Acrobatics. Yeah, that’s fine.

TRAVIS: 25.

LIAM: 30.

SAM: You still have inspiration, Grog.

TRAVIS: Oh, I do! 35.

(yelling)

LIAM: Wait! I’m going to use luck. No, didn’t go up.

MATT: You dart forward, grinning, as you just left him behind and all of a sudden, you feel your hood go (choking) and choke you from behind as Grog’s holding it and pulls you back to him.

TRAVIS: What is your rush?

LIAM: (hoarsely) Fine, take the lead. I’m keeping the stone, dick.

TRAVIS: Fine.

LIAM: (hoarsely) Right this way, stealthy motherfucker.

TRAVIS: I start stomping extra loud as I walk.

LAURA: Grog, please don’t stomp.

TRAVIS: Really make it like little bits of salt and pepper beneath my feet.

MATT: Glass is cracking and breaking beneath his footfalls.

LAURA: That is not okay.

TALIESIN: I just had this weird thought. Do I smell anything? Do I taste anything in the air? Is there minerals? I had this horrifying notion. Are there signs that this island has even been vaguely inhabited at all, recently? How many people does it feel like are here?

MATT: Make an intelligence check.

TALIESIN: See if you’re going where I’m going on this.

MARISHA: Yeah, I second that question.

TALIESIN: 12 straight.

MATT: It’s hard to tell. From the beach, the only sign of any activity that hasn’t been washed away by the elements was the campsite that you saw, and that was relatively fresh. You gather probably from the rather rapid rate of rainfall that storms through this area that a lot of any sign would be washed away over time. However, you guys flew over in the skyship, and as you cased the island, you did not see any pockets with villages. You didn’t see areas of the jungle that have been harvested for resources.

TALIESIN: I’m going to keep my senses aware as possible for the signs of a mining operation.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And can I keep my senses aware for aboriginals of the island?

MATT: Okay. So you guys are keeping tabs on anything around you that might be a sign?

LAURA: I’m keeping my senses aware for if Ripley’s invisible and is around us.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I am looking for literally nothing.

TALIESIN: And you find it.

MATT: I will guess in this point, one: everyone roll a stealth check, if you’re stealthing forward.

TRAVIS: I’m looking for rabbits.

MATT: Glass rabbits.

MARISHA: Natural 20.

TRAVIS: Hey, 17.

TALIESIN: 14.

SAM: Seven.

LIAM: 25.

LAURA: 28.

MATT: All right. The half-elves catch up on this. As you’re making your way towards this knotted section of the jungle. This is the stealth check, right? Yeah. You guys are pushing forward, you guys without a single touch of sound. A little bit from Scanlan, but as the bulk, you guys manage to stop him and as a group, push forward, you imagine, fairly unseen. Pretty proud of Vox Machina. Grog, especially, being the one that stomped forward. You continue to push forward. Everyone make a perception check.

SAM: All right, new dice. Three.

TALIESIN: Ten.

MARISHA: 22.

LIAM: 26.

LAURA: Ooh. 30.

TRAVIS: Six.

MATT: The half-elves, once again coming through with the skill checks. You guys, being quiet and being careful and methodical in pushing past brush without damaging anything, Vex keeping an eye on signs of movement, and the more you push forward, you start seeing some of the branches that are broken have less dust or general settling material on them. You’re coming upon something relatively recent.

TRAVIS: Question!

MATT: Yes?

TRAVIS: Is the ground still covered in glass?

MATT: There are bits of dried brush, but there is still a very glass-based floor here.

LAURA: Is it broken glass or smooth glass?

MATT: There are sections of it that are smooth. There are sections that are broken. You can see the further in you get, the less that it appears to be a jagged, broken experience. But it does vary, depending.

LIAM: But we can navigate through?

MATT: You can navigate through carefully as you move.

MARISHA: And does the vegetation seem to be getting thicker?

MATT: It’s pretty thick. There’s small breaks here and there, but for the most part, there aren’t carved paths through the jungle here. There’s natural clearings, and you guys have to find your way through. Sometimes it gets tight and you have to move around some of the larger trees, but you’re able to navigate without a huge issue. It’s not terribly choked off. The half-elves, as you guys are quietly pulling forward, you pick up on what sounds like whispers. Hushed voices, at least. What do you do?

LAURA: I have a couple vials of poison. Can I dip a few arrows in the poison?

MATT: Sure.

LAURA: Does that make poison arrows?

MATT: The arrows would be poison, yes.

LIAM: I will come back, I promise. Do you want me to go look? I’ll come back. I’ll just go look, I promise.

MARISHA: (whispering) You got this.

LAURA: (whispering) Be as quiet as fucking possible.

MARISHA: (whispering) I believe in you.

TRAVIS: (whispering) They can’t hear any of that stuff when you’re that quiet.

SAM: (whispering) I don’t know what’s going on.

LIAM: I’m going to stealth my way forward.

TALIESIN: (quietly) We can stage whisper.

MATT: Roll a new stealth check.

SAM: (quietly) There’s no one really listening to us, so we can talk as loud as we want.

MARISHA: (quietly) But there might be.

LIAM: 31.

MATT: Okay. So you guys are all staying behind. What’s the marching order, by the way, you guys are currently in?

LAURA: I’m going to be behind him.

MATT: All right. So Vax is going ahead.

TRAVIS: I’ll allow it.

(laughter)

LIAM: (imitating Grog) Don’t make a sound!

MATT: Vax is going forward.

LIAM: Oh, I’m stealthing onto a battlemap.

MATT: Vex, you are staying behind him?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Are you going along with her? Are the two of you going forward, or are you letting him go ahead?

LAURA: I’m going to stay behind him.

MATT: Back with the group, or with him? He’s moving ahead of everyone else.

LAURA: How much farther ahead are you going?

LIAM: My proposition was to leave you all and go look and come back. To look.

LAURA: That always works out. Every time. Go for it.

(quietly) Go for it!

MATT: Make a stealth for Trinket, by the way, too, because you forgot to do that.

LAURA: What?

MATT: Roll a stealth for Trinket, because you’ve got to do that, too.

LAURA: Well I figure when I go too stealthy, I pop him in my necklace, but okay.

MATT: Well, then Trinket is popped into your necklace, if you wanted to go with that. Probably safest.

LAURA: Yeah, for stealthy times.

MATT: So marching order is Vex. Who’s behind Vex?

SAM: I’m in the back-back.

MATT: Okay. Scanlan’s holding up the rear.

TALIESIN: Then I suppose it would be Grog, me, and Keyleth, maybe?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Grog behind Vex?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: And then Keyleth and Percy behind that and then Scanlan. Vax, as you stealth up ahead, you–

LIAM: Can I use detect evil?

SAM: Detect evil? Is that a thing that exists?

LIAM: Yes, it is.

TALIESIN: You going to see anything other than me, really?

TRAVIS: Don’t flatter yourself.

TALIESIN: I’m like the city lights of Los Angeles.

LIAM: You’re a wannabe.

TALIESIN: I’m such a wannabe.

LAURA: What’s going on? What are we doing?

LIAM: You’re holding back. Divine Sense. The presence of strong evil registers on your senses like a noxious odor.

TRAVIS: Sorry.

MATT: The spell? The level-one spell?

LIAM: No, divine sense. Use this feature a number of times equal to one plus your charisma modifier.

MATT: Right, the paladin ability. LIAM: That’s right. Three times I can do it in a day. Fancy me.

MATT: All righty. You stop and concentrate at the end of your turn. All right. You do not sense any celestials, fiends, or undead.

LIAM: Oh. Okay. Good thing that I’m being quiet, so I’m going to still creep toward the whispers.

MATT: You scoot ahead, and there is a small break. You see that groove reappear in the center of this break, and you see three figures on the other side of this, seemingly in a conversation.

LIAM: What do they look like?

MATT: You see, to the back, holding a large wooden crate, and is currently leaning against it and impatiently looking at the other two figures, a female goliath with a heavy scratched scar across her face, head shaved bald. She has a shield slung over her back and a big sword currently sheathed over her shoulder. She looks wounded a little bit. There’s a little bit of blood trickling down the face. And then right in front of the crate, you see a younger man with a dark hood up and cloak, arguing with another woman wearing a very intricate cloak with a sparkling blue interior. Darker brown hair pulled into a very tight bun in the back with streaks of white in the back, and familiar-looking weapons dangling from her belt. You’re too far away to hear anything, but you do see them.

LIAM: So goliath, Ripley, and the third. What does the third look like?

MATT: It’s too hard to see from this distance. Looks humanoid.

LIAM: I go back.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And I go directly towards Percival. (quietly) She is there.

SAM: What?

TALIESIN: (shushes)

LIAM: (whispering) Shut the fuck up!

SAM: (whispering) Okay.

LIAM: (quietly) She is there. Grog, there’s a big woman of your breed there, and a third. I don’t know what. I don’t know if it’s a he or a she. I don’t know who it is.

SAM: Thank god!

LAURA: (quietly) What do we do? Charge in, guns blazing?

TALIESIN: (whispering) I say we put her down–

SAM: What?

TALIESIN: (quietly) I say we put her down as quickly– that’s right, we have to stage whisper. This is fine. Let’s all assume that everyone cannot hear us.

TRAVIS: (quietly) Do we know what the Vestige that she has does?

TALIESIN: (quietly) We don’t.

TRAVIS: (quietly) So what can we immobilize her with?

MARISHA: We do know, for whatever she has, blocked my scrying. So whatever it is blocked my magic.

TALIESIN: She’s probably immune to magic.

LIAM: From my vantage point that I had, how far away was I from them?

MATT: You were about 100 feet from them. You were on the outside of that slight open clearing, and they were in the center of it. It looked like there was momentum moving through, and they have stopped to have this argument, so you don’t know how long until they’re going to keep moving again.

TRAVIS: (quietly) How about we take a short rest?

LIAM: We can overtake her now if we go right now.

TRAVIS: What about the hamster ball?

LAURA: But we’re not rested!

TALIESIN: We’re going to have to take it right now!

SAM: I can go in there on the hamster ball, but that doesn’t do any–

TALIESIN: She might not be catchable.

SAM: I thought she can’t be magicked.

TALIESIN: (whispering) She probably can’t. Magic one of the others. I’m going to–

TRAVIS: I can barely hear you.

TALIESIN: I’m going to create a distraction. When the distraction happens, we all charge and attack. I’ll shoot her.

LAURA: You’re creating a distraction? Why doesn’t Scanlan create the distraction?

TALIESIN: I have a very good distraction.

SAM: But we need you on sharpshooter duty.

MARISHA: Percy, I think you are the distraction. Are you going to be the distraction?

TALIESIN: No. She’ll know I’m here when she feels a bullet hit her.

LIAM: Do we want to use these?

TALIESIN: I was going to make the treasure chest look like a trap triggered. I was going to have it explode with an illusionary poison.

MARISHA: Well, hang on. If we have the flares that she recognized with her crew, why not use the flare that her crew has? It won’t alarm her to an outsider.

SAM: As a seasoned magic expert, you’re going to have to be pretty fucking close to do that, friend.

TALIESIN: That’s fair.

TRAVIS: I think she doesn’t care about her crew, remember? She’s already this far inland–

LAURA: I think Scanlan fucking distract and we all charge in like motherfuckers!

TALIESIN: Magic users, try and chase the others off. See if they’ll back off. We’ve got to get that box away from them.

MARISHA: She already got away from us once by using magical abilities to blink out of existence. We have to make sure we lock her down so she doesn’t run. Scanlan, can you do that?

SAM: I’ll try.

LIAM: There’s a big woman in there. She’s all yours.

LAURA: I guess I pop Trinket out.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And I get up on the bow. I mean, on the broom. I sit on my bow, then I realize that I’m–

TRAVIS: Wait, Vax. From a one to a ten, would you say she’s a…

LIAM: Eight point eight?

TRAVIS: Sweet.

SAM: Percy, I need you to do something right now.

TALIESIN: Yes?

SAM: Make me a minor illusion of Ripley.

TALIESIN: I can’t move it.

SAM: Just a picture.

MATT: Minor Illusion is very limited as a cantrip.

SAM: Just a picture.

TALIESIN: Just a little–

TRAVIS: Like a headshot?

SAM: A headshot.

LIAM: Like a 1980s Halloween mask?

MATT: It lasts for a minute, and it stays in that place.

SAM: That’s all I want.

MATT: Where do you want to create it?

SAM: Create it right here. Good dog. I call the dog. I say, look at this face. Go grapple that face. Go! Go now!

TALIESIN: I’m going to make my way to the tree line and get ready. I’m going to make my way to a tree line sitting down. I’m going to try and get a nice clear shot the minute that I see anything happen.

MATT: So you’re releasing the dog?

SAM: I’m releasing the dog.

LAURA: I’m going to fly up to the top of a tree and try to be high up.

MATT: You fly up into the tree there, you guys all making your way towards the edge of this clearing, the dog goes, “I’m terribly sorry. What were you requesting?”

LAURA: Oh my god, that’s right! He speaks!

SAM: Oh, hi.

MATT: “Hi.”

SAM: I’m Scanlan.

MATT: This black mastiff quizzically turns his head to you.

SAM: Yes, I forgot you can talk.

MATT: “Yes. What are we doing? Who are you? What was the presence here?”

SAM: Oh, hi. We’re your new masters.

MATT: “Great.”

SAM: Do you like kibble or meat, or something?

MATT: “No.”

SAM: Can I ask a favor of you?

MATT: “Maybe.”

SAM: We are really in a pickle and we need you to go grab someone by the face and hold her down. Oh shit. (laughs)

MATT: “I’ll see what I can do. When? Who?”

SAM: On the count of ten, maybe? This image, this picture. If you go over that little ridge line there, you’re going to see three figures. One will be she. Go put your maw on her face and grab it.

MATT: “All right. All right.”

SAM: You’re a good doggy! Yes, you are!

MATT: “Don’t call me that, please. It’s demeaning.”

SAM: Do you have a name?

MATT: You already have his name.

LAURA: I thought it was good dog. Oh, that’s not his real name? What is his name? Does it say it on the card?

TALIESIN: It does.

TRAVIS: Reginald.

LIAM: Shazbot.

SAM: It does? I thought it was good doggy. Onyx dog?

MATT: I’ll have to go look in my notes again. Anyway, you know its name. It’s fine. We won’t go into too much–

LIAM: Mister Belvedere.

MATT: You guys make your way towards this clearing, preparing for the sequence. We’re going to take a bathroom break and come back for the ensuing chaos. So we’ll see you guys back here in a few minutes. Thank you, Loot Crate. Check out the stuff; we have awesome stuff with them. Back here in a few minutes, guys.

TALIESIN: Nails and screws!

Break
[break]

Part II
MATT: Welcome back. Last we left off, Vax noticed that apparently Ripley and some of her crew are trying to make their way back further into the jungle and are in mid-discussion. This is just for spatial awareness at the moment, and depending on what happens, possible battle. Where do you guys want to be for this?

TRAVIS: Who’s on the map right now?

MATT: This is the goliath right there holding the box. I didn’t have a box, really, but there’s a big box. That’s Ripley, and that’s the hooded figure.

LAURA: I wanted to be hiding up in a tree.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Still can’t see the third, right?

MATT: What’s up?

TRAVIS: We still can’t make out the third figure.

LIAM: The third figure is by Ripley. The goliath is off on her own with some sort of box.

MATT: We’ll say you’re up here, Vex, off to the side at this open bit here. The rest of you guys, tell me where you want to be placed. Anywhere that’s green is essentially tree overbrush.

TALIESIN: Where are they and the box right now?

MATT: That’s Ripley, that’s the hooded figure, a hooded thug, and that’s the goliath.

LIAM: I’d like to not go direct, but slowly start creeping around through that green.

MATT: Over here?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Make a stealth check, Grog.

TRAVIS: What?

MATT: Make a stealth check. You’re getting close.

TALIESIN: I’m going to stay in the brush, but I want to get forward enough to get a clear shot so I can really take a nice, well-aimed shot at Ripley’s head. MATT: That right there is going to be–

TALIESIN: I’ve got some nice distance.

MATT: It’s up to you.

TRAVIS: It’s a 14.

MATT: A 14?

MARISHA: I have a Hold Person spell. I can try and hold her.

MATT: Keyleth, where do you want to go?

MARISHA: I’m going to creep forward and towards Grog, but being very stealthy.

MATT: Stealth check. Scanlan, you have a little dog with you.

SAM: I think we’re going to start out under where Vex is flying, like if she bird pooped on us.

MARISHA: 20 total.

MATT: 20 total? Okay. So as you guys are setting up place, Vax, you can start hearing, and you start hearing some of the conversation. You hear Ripley loudly whispering, “Look, I’ve been carefully setting my scheduling on this, and we have at least 15 to 20 minutes before they arrive.” The thug turns to her and says, “You also said they wouldn’t be arriving to the island for another day or so. We don’t have time to drag our prize to the transport site.” Anna returns immediately with a “You are a fool to argue with your superior, child. I hired you as a bodyguard, nothing more. I plot, you protect. If this doesn’t suit you, allow me to fire you from service.” She pulls one of her guns out and cocks it and points it. He goes, “No, I mean no disrespect, but we must begin setting a trap here now if we hope to stop them.”

LIAM: Is that a he or she that I’m hearing?

MATT: It’s a he. Anna says, “You aren’t wrong. Luska, take the relic to the others at the mountain. We’ll wait here and prepare for our pursuers.” And the goliath reaches down and begins to grab the box and goes, “You mean use the relic against them?” Anna says, “It may be too dangerous given we know little about it. Let me think.” As this is happening, you hear a (cracking) in a nearby brush, and all of a sudden, they both look over in the direction as a goliath holding an axe is visible behind one of the trees.

(yelling)

LAURA: I fire. We all fire!

MATT: (laughs) Okay. So who’s firing right now? Okay. You, you, and you.

SAM: I’m releasing a dog.

MATT: You’re releasing a dog.

MARISHA: I’m going to try and hold Ripley with a Hold Person.

MATT: Okay. Going around here for this, you release the dog. The dog begins to run. I’ll say it gets about there. Vax, you’re throwing a dagger? Roll for an attack.

LIAM: Is it a surprise at this point, or no? Is it blown?

MATT: No, Grog broke the surprise. You still get the advantage on the first strike, though.

LIAM: Okay. 24 on Ripley.

MATT: Okay, 24 on Ripley. That hits. Roll damage.

LIAM: I get sneak attack because I’m first to go. It’s not surprise. All right. Fuck. (counting) 34. 34 and the second dagger will go as well for seven. Plus poison. DC of 15.

MATT: Okay. You throw both daggers. One goes into her shoulder and she pulls back, the impact hitting but her seemingly resisting, not taking the full brunt of the blow. The second one hits again, and it’s a delayed reaction from the impact. She’s like, “Stop! Stop now!” Puts her hand out like that, shouting out to you, shouting out to the direction of where the dagger came from. She sees you moving past in the brush, glancing, and is putting her hands up like that. What are the rest of you guys doing? Are you going through?

LIAM: Did the poison take effect?

MATT: You don’t know. All right. Vex?

LAURA: I’m going to shoot a bramble shot at her.

MATT: Bramble shot from up here?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. She has pretty intense cover from you from that side. That high up, you can see where she is, but she’s pretty much almost full cover, so she has a big bonus to AC.

LAURA: Then I’ll try a regular shot. Since I can’t see her, I don’t want to waste my bramble shot.

MATT: First strike?

LAURA: 22.

MATT: 22. With the cover bonus, no. Arrow misses. It hits a tree nearby.

LAURA: Goddamn it. The other one misses, too.

MATT: (impact sound) Hits another tree. Nothing. She’s still shouting, “Stop! Let’s talk!” Scanlan and Percy, what are you guys doing?

SAM: I say to Percy, should we hear her out?

MATT: You see her holding her shoulder from where the dagger impacted. The other hooded figure has pulled a blade out and is looking around.

SAM: I’ll shout at her: what do you want to say?

MATT: You shout? All right. Grog, what are you doing?

TRAVIS: I want to ring the fucking dinner bell.

SAM: We will.

MARISHA: I can lock her down.

TRAVIS: I step on the branch that creaked like I’m angry at it.

MATT: It snaps loudly.

TALIESIN: I’m going to cast Hex on her with my bonus. I’m going to hold my action. I’m going to train, and I’m going to shout from the woods: step away from the box and tell your men to put their weapons down, and we will listen.

MATT: Okay. Keyleth, what are you doing?

MARISHA: I’m going to take a few steps forward, like two boxes forward, and I’m going to release a Hold Person on Ripley.

LAURA: No!

TALIESIN: It’s a Hold Person.

LAURA: Oh, you’re releasing it. You’re doing it.

MARISHA: Casting it, yeah. I’m not letting it go. 19. She’s got to make a wisdom save.

MATT: She begins backing away. The spell has no effect.

MARISHA: Fucking fuck it.

MATT: She’s holding the gun up, her hand up now. She put it up and begins taking a step back.

TALIESIN: Stop moving!

MATT: She stops moving. The other figure is standing there, looking what to do. The goliath is holding the crate now.

TALIESIN: Put the crate down or I’ll shoot out your ankle.

MATT: The goliath shouts out, “Here or bring it to you?”

TALIESIN: Put it down right where it is.

MATT: Drops it to the ground and begins to back away from the crate about there. Anna, who’s standing there now, looking over and seeing you where the voice is coming from–

TALIESIN: If I see a twitch, I fire.

MATT: “Faster than anticipated. Congratulations. Well, now. We stand in a curious position. Shall we talk?”

TALIESIN: You can talk. You have however long I choose to give you.

MATT: You see the blood pooling down her shoulder. The other humanoid male, you can see now it’s a man behind there holding the blade out to the side. TALIESIN: Explain to us why we shouldn’t kill you now and let your two friends wander off into the sunset, not to be touched by us if they turn and run.

LAURA: While he’s talking, I want to fly on a closer tree so I can get a better shot at her.

MATT: You’re going to have to get lower to get a better look here.

LIAM: Can I hide again and circle around further?

MATT: You can get about there to get a better view.

SAM: I will also inch back and try to heel the dog.

MATT: The dog, which has moved forward–

SAM: Back! It’s okay.

MATT: Steps back there.

TRAVIS: I’ll follow suit and also move slightly to the outside and around their flank. Yeah, there you go.

MATT: There, you mean?

TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s great.

MATT: You can still see her through the brush. You have a better view. She only has half cover now from the trees. You, make another stealth check. Well, you can make a bonus action to hide, essentially.

LAURA: I want to hide behind one of the branches of the tree.

MATT: Okay. Both of you guys, roll stealth. You essentially both hide as your roguish talents let you.

TALIESIN: Vax, keep an eye out. Make sure that there are not people in the jungle coming this way.

LAURA: 26.

MATT: 26.

LIAM: 25 on stealth.

MATT: Okay, gotcha. She says, “I have fairly procured a few artifacts for myself, and you have done the same. Do we call it an honorable draw and go our own ways?”

TALIESIN: I am in agreement that on that level, all debts are settled and fair. However, I believe we have some previous debts to still settle.

MATT: “I have no interest in the petty tyranny of drakes and dragons. Every great beast that has asserted dominance through history has fallen to the ingenuity of man. I worry not what you’re after.”

TALIESIN: You are so dull!

MATT: “The other races, Percy, and you know this in your heart, they lack our dynamic ability to adapt, to build upon failure so quickly that success becomes an inevitability. I have faith you will all succeed in your mission, so long as you keep your precious white-haired boy in the lead.”

TALIESIN: You two really follow her? Are you idiots?

MATT: The man with the dagger out glares off at you in the distance. Make a perception check, actually.

LAURA: Who?

MATT: Everybody, right now.

SAM: 16.

TALIESIN: 12.

MARISHA: 19.

LIAM: 22.

LAURA: 32.

SAM: Jesus.

TRAVIS: You coming here?

SAM: Whispers! Whispers.

LAURA: Oh god, things are falling!

MATT: The twins in. Come here, guys.

LAURA: Ooh! We both get it.

SAM: Oh, you’re taking the DM chair.

TALIESIN: Hey!

LAURA: Quiet! I can’t hear anything Matt’s saying.

SAM: They’re so cute over there.

LIAM: I knew it. I fucking knew it.

LAURA: Oh no!

TALIESIN: Anything we should know before we continue?

MATT: Anna continues, arm up, says, “Religion is archaic and unnecessary.”

TALIESIN: What’s she paying you? I bet I could double it.

MATT: The man stands there.

TALIESIN: Attack her right now, and we’ll discuss terms. I’m not actually sure I could double it, but I could definitely make it worth your while right now. It would be hilarious. She’s awful!

MATT: “Look, Percival.”

TALIESIN: Oh, are they moving behind you? Do you know? You can’t see. They really don’t like you. Do they know what you did to my family? Do they have any idea what you do to the people that you stay with?

MATT: As you’re talking, she cuts through your voice to him and says, “Don’t worry, Percy. Our toys have already made the rounds. I sold a couple in Vasselheim and a few more in Ank'harel, partially because I needed the money, but also because he told me it would drive you mad.”

TALIESIN: How many have you sold?

MATT: “We’re looking at six and the instructions for creation to two other seemingly very curious and up-and-coming tinkerers like yourself.”

TALIESIN: (sighs) Well, I guess I’ll have to live with that. I open fire.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

MATT: Go ahead and roll. This combat has halted, and now it’s progressing again.

TALIESIN: I’m going to do a– she really pissed me off. I’m so sorry.

LIAM: I’d like to throw at her again, as well.

TRAVIS: What are you apologizing for?

TALIESIN: Okay. I’m going to spend a deadeye shot on this, which is a Bad News shot with a deadeye with the Hex. By the way, she is at disadvantage on strength checks. The Hex is probably not going to do a damn thing. I don’t even know why I bothered. Magic fucking cloak. With Sharpshooter. I am so nervous. Natural fucking 20.

LAURA and MARISHA: (cheering)

MATT: That’s your attack. Roll your attack.

LIAM: I rolled a 37.

MATT: Okay. You fire, and the dagger gets thrown. The dagger passes through her form. Your bullet has no effect. You watch as Ripley smiles and lowers her head. Both her and the figure that were standing vanish from sight. There’s a streak of bright light from the distance as a small beam hits the center and detonates in a small fireball, which then causes the ground to suddenly rumble and (explosion) erupt in an explosion of white light and force. Everybody but Percival, for a moment, you are tossed with the blast of a hundred hammers across your body and face. Your vision is faded as you hear the sound of thunder but inches from your ear. Numbness takes over your form. I need all of you to roll a dexterity saving throw.

LIAM: Does evasion factor into this?

MATT: It may.

TALIESIN: Did the Hex actually take, then? Wouldn’t I have noticed?

MATT: You threw it over there. It seemed to cause a smoky apparition, but no effect.

TRAVIS: Gil, this is on your fucking dice. Natural 20 on the second one.

MARISHA: Did you say we have– no, he has advantage.

MATT: He has advantage on dexterity saving throws.

TRAVIS: I have danger sense.

SAM: Does the dog need to make a dex save?

MATT: The dog would, yes.

SAM: How do I do that for the dog?

MATT: How many hit points does the dog have?

SAM: Six.

MATT: Even if the dog made it, the onyx dog that reformed into a small object is now flung from a large fiery explosion. Dexterity save?

SAM: 14.

TALIESIN: 17.

MATT: Percy, you actually– no, actually you should make it too, from the sheer force. Everybody makes it.

MARISHA: 12.

LIAM: 28.

LAURA: 15.

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

MATT: Okay. So Grog, you manage to leap out of the way as you begin to see the fireball explosion that’s just out of the range. It hits in the center here, and doesn’t hit anybody, but in a split second, you watch as certain things in the ground catch flames and explode from underneath. The ground itself erupts, like something deep beneath the earth bursts outward. Grog, you take 32 points of fire damage.

TRAVIS: Wow, fuck.

MATT: Vax, you manage to dodge out of the way behind a tree, the tree of which is blown past you, and you duck out of the way, but it takes the brunt of the damage. You take no damage with your evasion. The rest of you take 65 points of fire damage.

SAM: Nice.

TRAVIS: Who took the full smack? Oh my god.

MARISHA: Wow. We walked right into that one.

TRAVIS: Did the goliath–

MATT: The goliath probably took some damage, too. (chuckles) Trinket also takes the damage, by the way. Roll a reflex save.

LAURA: Trinket was on the ground, wasn’t he?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Dexterity. 21 for Trinket.

MATT: Grog is not blasted prone. Managed to catch himself.

LAURA: 21.

MATT: 21. Trinket takes 32 points of fire damage.

LAURA: Good, because if he had taken the full thing, he would have been unconscious.

MATT: As the ringing subsides from the blast, you all were thrown dozens of feet from your current placement, most of you onto your back aside from you, Vax, and you, Grog. Actually, Trinket would have caught himself as well. You now see a giant crater in the ground with rock and rubble and shards of glass tossed around you. The trees in the center have been blasted out, and you can see a number of broken trunks and roots curved up with little bits of fire and flame burning off their edge, what little bit of burnable material still remained on some of the living trees. The smell of heavy gunpowder recently burned sits in the air as the giant cloud of smoke rises up in the center of the jungle. At this point in time, the goliath has stepped forward from the brush, as well as two other figures off to the side wielding long-barreled rifle-like weapons. There are a few other figures on this side, as well.

SAM: Oh my god.

MATT: And actually, you don’t see that one. And Ripley steps out of the bushes from the side.

TRAVIS: Where is she?

MATT: Over there.

LAURA: Oh, so they are there?

MATT: The opposite side. This is a heavy groove in the ground. These are the only parts of the land that still stand at normal ground height. The rest of this is a giant slope that goes into a crevasse and rises back up.

LIAM: Vegetation is gone here, right?

MATT: Vegetation in that area is completely gone, and there is broken rock and glass everywhere.

LAURA: How deep is the crevasse?

MATT: It’s about 20 feet deep at its deepest.

LIAM: And everybody sees everybody, right?

MATT: Everybody sees everybody right now. I need you all to roll initiative.

(groaning)

MARISHA: All right, overweight. Don’t fucking fail me now. That’s all right.

TRAVIS: Come on, Gil. Natural 20.

SAM: Wow. You like that dice.

MARISHA: Is that Gil’s dice again?

TALIESIN: It’s been doing fine for me.

SAM: It’s been hit or miss.

MARISHA: Yeah, same here.

TALIESIN: Although I will admit, I rolled gold for this roll.

SAM: “I rolled gold.”

TALIESIN: Yes, I did.

MARISHA: All right. Bitch.

MATT: A number of initiative rolls on that one. All right. Going from this, here, because this is going to be a bit of a complicated battle to keep track of for initiative, I’m going to write it here. 25 to 20?

TALIESIN: 30.

MATT: 30?

TALIESIN: I just rolled a natural 20 on my initiative. It is 30.

MATT: This would be the time to do it. All right. What’d you get, Grog?

TRAVIS: 22.

MATT: 22. 20 to 15?

LAURA: 17.

MATT: Vex. Right. 15 to ten?

LIAM: 15.

MARISHA: Ten.

MATT: Ten to five?

SAM: Six.

MATT: Six.

SAM: See you guys in a half hour.

TALIESIN: Has she actually been hit by the Hex, by the way?

MATT: The Hex is still around, meaning you cast the spell, and it’s a concentration spell. Actually, I need you to roll a concentration check on it.

TALIESIN: That’s fine. What do I roll for concentration, again?

MATT: Oh, you’ve got to roll a natural 20. That was a lot of damage, buddy.

MARISHA: Yeah, you have to roll above your damage. Oh my god! Shut the fuck up!

SAM: A different dice, too.

MATT: Jesus Christ, Taliesin. Somehow, in the blast, as your eyes flicker to and you immediately shoot up from the ground in a sitting position your eyes immediately focus on Ripley appearing from across the way, from across the crevasse, and that little lingering scar of Orthax in the back of your head maintains the anger of your Hex. You would have to designate it onto her next turn, but you still maintain the spell.

TALIESIN: My hate lives.

MARISHA: You’ve got this.

LIAM: Fate, hate, whichever. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

TALIESIN: Oh man, that felt good.

MATT: Top of the round is Percy.

TALIESIN: Okay. Where was I?

MATT: You are over here on your ass right now.

TALIESIN: I’m going to stand up.

MATT: That’s half your movement there. You’re right at the edge of where the ground breaks and falls in.

TALIESIN: That’s fine. What’s the distance? Is it only Bad News distance, or am I within 400?

MATT: You’re within 400, yeah.

TALIESIN: So I can actually put Bad News away and actually deal with this?

MATT: Yeah, if you’d like to.

TALIESIN: They probably all have much higher– they’re going to have initiative up the wazoo, so I’m going to– okay, no. I’m going to pull the big gun out again, give it a reload and give it a shot right at Ripley. I’ve got the Hex on her.

MATT: So you move the Hex over to her with your bonus action. She’s now officially hexed.

TALIESIN: Let’s pick a fun disadvantage. Let’s see. Let’s give her a dexterity disadvantage.

MATT: Dex disadvantage. Got it.

TALIESIN: All right. First thing I’m going to do is I’m going to do a standard shot at her with a leg shot. I’m going to try and knock her prone.

MATT: Okay. Go for it.

TALIESIN: No Sharpshooter. That’s 26 to hit.

MATT: That’ll hit. She has to make a strength save, is it?

TALIESIN: She has to make a strength saving throw.

MATT: That is a 19.

TALIESIN: Against a DC of 19.

MATT: She makes it. It doesn’t knock her prone. It hits her in the foot. She almost falls over. Roll damage.

TALIESIN: Make sure I’m rolling all the right dice. That’ll do. That’s six plus ten. 22 points of damage plus three points of necrotic damage.

MATT: Nice. (gunshot) The blast hits the leg. It almost knocks her onto the ground, but she catches herself against the tree right behind her and pushes herself into place.

TALIESIN: That’s funny. I’m going to burn an action surge and I’m going to shoot her two more times because it’s funny. Where is she? What’s behind her?

MATT: It is a tree about ten feet behind her.

TALIESIN: I’m going to hit her again with an attempt to knock her down; I’m going to burn another grit for that. That is 32 to hit.

MATT: 32 to hit? That’ll hit.

TALIESIN: Not quite as good. 14 points of damage, plus three points of necrotic. Another strength check.

MATT: Another strength check. This one she does not make. As she readies herself, you fire a second time, and it hits her foot. You can see a spatter of blood off the side. She falls and slams down on the ground taking three points of piercing damage landing onto the broken glass and the rubble around her.

TALIESIN: Just for fun– no, then that’s just her bonus action for that, although that would be pretty funny. I’m going to hit her one more time with a Sharpshooter shot. Do I get a bonus to hit her because she’s on the ground, or no?

MATT: Actually, because she’s on the ground it’s at disadvantage. Any ranged attacks against prone people.

TALIESIN: Even with Sharpshooter? Even with standard Sharpshooter bonus of ignore three-quarter cover?

MATT: It’s not so much cover, it’s more the fact that they’re a smaller target to hit because they’re closer to the ground.

TALIESIN: So the full range Sharpshooter ignore three-quarter cover would not cancel that out?

MATT: It’s not cover that gives her the bonus.

TALIESIN: The whole theory being that it’s easier to hit smaller targets.

MATT: Right, it affects cover, it doesn’t affect her being a smaller target in general to hit. It’s the way the rule works.

TALIESIN: That’s okay. She’s down. What am I going to do? I’m not even going to pretend. I’ll burn a point of grit to also ignore that.

MATT: Okay, there you go. It’s a straight attack roll.

TALIESIN: That’s probably not going to hit. Let’s see. 14.

MATT: 14 does not hit. It scoots past her and slams into the tree behind her. You see the splintering of petrified bark.

TALIESIN: I throw my gun behind on my shoulder, and I’m going to head to my right to try to get some cover with that tree.

MATT: Around Keyleth?

TALIESIN: Yeah, around Keyleth.

LAURA: Jump over her prone form.

MARISHA: My dead body.

MATT: That ends your turn, Percy?

TALIESIN: Yes.

MATT: Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: I look to the crater in the ground and I go: Whoa. And I would like to rage. Can I, in 50 feet, get to–

MATT: Regular rage or frenzied rage?

TRAVIS: Regular. Can I get all the way to the guy who’s right in front of me on the map along the side of the crater, or is that not enough for 50?

MATT: You can just get there.

TRAVIS: I’ll just get there. Lovely.

MATT: You see him loading a rifle, and all of a sudden you rush up to the side and he goes, “Oh shit!”

TRAVIS: I would like to make a reckless attack against him with my two blows.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: That’s 29.

MATT: 29 will definitely hit.

TRAVIS: Nice. 33.

MATT: 33 points of damage?

TRAVIS: No, I’m sorry. 33 to hit for the second one.

MATT: Oh, I see. They both hit. Go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: 29, with five points of necrotic damage.

MATT: Nice, so 34, you actually did more! Second strike?

TRAVIS: I’m sorry, 29 includes the five points of necrotic damage. I’m so sorry.

MATT: It’s all right. 29.

TRAVIS: Second one. Total of 22, with another five points of necrotic.

MATT: As you rush up and hack into him with the blade, angry, your jaw clenched in anger, the gunner is pushed back, each blow gashing into his chest You can already see the crimson line of each slash across his armor, folding away from the impact. He’s trying to get the hell away from you. Does that end your turn?

TRAVIS: I say: Thanks for the warm-up. And that’s my turn.

MATT: Next up is Anna Ripley. She stands up from her space angrily and goes, “That’s all right. We can finish the job.” She brings her hand up and begins casting a spell on herself. She finishes casting the spell. A weird outline begins a gold-like shimmer across the edges of her shoulders. You’re not quite sure what it means. You watch as her right metallic hand detaches and hits the ground. You watch as a flare of purplish-black energy begins to swirl off her shoulders and where the arm was, now you see a giant shadow claw emerge. You see a shadow begin to encompass around her, another pair of shoulders and glowing yellow eyes over her form as she says, “I found a new friend recently. Seems he doesn’t like being abandoned.”

SAM: She’s the anti-Percy.

TRAVIS: That’s where we’ll pick it up next week.

TALIESIN: Thank you for watching Critical Role. Brought to you by poor decisions.

MATT: With that, she vanishes.

LIAM: Chickens are all coming home to roost.

LAURA: Can I say how much I wish Pike was here right now?

LIAM: Yeah, seconded.

MARISHA: I third that.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we miss Pike!

MATT: This gunner here is going to aim at you, Vax, while this one is going to attempt to step away from Grog. Go ahead and make your attack of opportunity on him.

TRAVIS: This is reckless. 29.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: 20 points, including three points of necrotic. 20 total.

MATT: Nice. As he runs away, you hack again, this time across the back of the shoulders. He arcs in pain. He’s looking a little rough, but still keeping up. He stumbles away, turns around, whips the rifle behind and goes to fire at you with it. It has advantage on you because you reckless attacked. That’s a natural 20 on the second roll. With the rifle, it’s 2d10.

TALIESIN: I should mention, I suppose, that these rifles are probably very breakable.

MATT: 42 points of piercing damage to you, Grog, from the crit. Because you are raging and it’s not magical, that’s halved, so you take 21 points of damage.

LIAM: That’s eight percent of your hit point pool.

MARISHA: If we can all get together, I actually brought Heal today because Pike wasn’t here.

MATT: Going to reload the rifle and then go for another strike. With advantage, that’s 17 plus ten, so 27.

TRAVIS: Yep, that’ll hit.

MATT: Next hit is 13 points of piercing damage, reduced to six. The other gunner, aiming at you, Vax.

LIAM: Disadvantage because of the cloak.

MATT: Yes, and it rolled a one and a 19. The first shot goes clear. It hits your form, but your form shimmers–

TALIESIN: Wouldn’t a roll of a one with a rifle misfire?

MATT: Yeah, it’s going to. The rifle immediately (gunfire) smoke starts pouring out it. You see the metal is bent now and he chucks it to the side, turns, and pulls out a small pistol and is going to take two shots at you with disadvantage. That’s five plus ten, 15 misses. Second shot misses. Turns the barrel, goes to fire a third time with disadvantage. Six and a 19, nope. The third one fires, and each one’s hitting your form, but your image shifts around it. No impact. It’s going to step back into the bush here, try to get out of sight. That guy’s going to stay over there. That ends their turn. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Where am I?

MATT: You’re over here, flat on your ass, looking up at the open space where a bunch of tree cover used to be that is now blown open, the sky is visible.

LAURA: Well, I stand up. What are those circles next to Trinket? What are those?

MATT: These are some trees that survived the explosion that are singed and burned. This is a trunk approximately this big underneath.

LAURA: Would I be able to hide behind that?

MATT: Using half your movement to get up, you would have 15 more feet, so this is as far as you could get. But you could use your bonus action to dash if you wanted to, because you’re second-level rogue.

LAURA: Okay, I’ll do that and dash and hide behind the tree.

MATT: You dash, but you can’t roll a hide, as well, unless you want to use your action to do that.

LAURA: Well, I want to get behind the tree so it’s still coverage. Right? Then can I shoot from there?

MATT: You can, yeah, so long as something’s in range.

LAURA: Is anything in range?

MATT: What’s the range on your longbow? It should be written down.

LAURA: I don’t know; it doesn’t say.

MATT: You should have written it down. Longbow is 150 feet and 600 feet. Yes. Pretty much everything except for maybe the farthest guy is questionably within your first range category. Yeah, you do have a shot at most everything.

LAURA: The guy that Grog hit is outside of my range?

MATT: He might be; it’s hard to tell at this distance. You’d have to gauge it.

LAURA: I’m going to shoot at the guy closest to me. I want to be able to peek out, shoot, and then duck back behind the tree.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: What?

LIAM: Nothing. You didn’t hear me.

TRAVIS: Go for it.

LAURA: Okay. I don’t know what you want! That is a 30-something. 32.

MATT: That hits!

TRAVIS: Jesus, Fenthras.

LAURA: What? 21.

MATT: 21 points of damage.

LAURA: What the fuck, man?

MATT: As the figure’s disappearing backwards trying to get into the brush to hide, the arrow hits the female warrior, and you can see her move. You can take your second attack on her.

LAURA: That was the female warrior?

MATT: That was the female gunner, yeah.

LIAM: Which one?

MATT: Right there.

LAURA: I’m not shooting at the other one, dude!

LIAM: I thought that’s what he said.

LAURA: No! I’m going to shoot her again. 18 doesn’t hit her.

MATT: 18 just barely hits.

TRAVIS: Fenthras! Yes!

MATT: Didn’t quite get into cover.

LAURA: 22 on that one. Oh, and the last two had four points of lightning damage on both of them.

MATT: You hear the echo of angry, gritted teeth from the pain of two arrow blows.

LAURA: I duck back behind the tree.

MATT: You’re using the tree. You’re at half cover at the tree. Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: The one in the far corner is not the one that you whispered about. Who shot at me?

MATT: The one that I whispered to? Was an illusion. It vanished. You don’t see that figure anymore.

LIAM: Fucking hell. All right. Oh shit. The one in the far corner is the one my sister attacked?

MATT: Yeah, right there. You saw the two arrows.

LIAM: Then I’m going to follow up.

TALIESIN: One more player off the board.

MATT: Are you going to move closer, or are you leaping up onto the–

LIAM: Yeah, I’m Sharpshooter.

MATT: This tree’s too thick; you’re going to have to get up onto the tree to do it. You leap up and get onto it.

LIAM: 29 for the first. The second is 26.

MATT: Both hit. Unfortunately, no sneak attack.

LIAM: Yeah, I know. That is eight for the first.

MATT: You’re up next, Keyleth, by the way.

LIAM: Nine for the second.

MATT: Great. The two daggers pierce, vanish in place, come back to you.

LIAM: Can I use the rest of my movement to drop behind the tree and go into a crouch?

MATT: Yeah. You leap just beneath and if you want to use your bonus action– no, you used your bonus action.

LIAM: Yeah, so I’m done.

MATT: You’re done. That gives you three-quarters cover, though, from behind anywhere from that angle.

LAURA: Could I have had Trinket run over to the tree where Percy is?

MATT: Yeah. He’s behind Percy now. All right, that comes to Keyleth.

MARISHA: Okay, I stand up, very irritated, and I grab Percy, and I pull him to me, and I cast Heal on him, my 6th-level spell. I’m fucking burning it for you. So full 70 points because he’s almost down.

LAURA: I thought it was a group spell. Is it not?

MARISHA: It’s not! I should have grabbed Mass Cure Wounds, but I was wrong. So I grab Percy and I say: Fucking finish this bitch. Finish this. I let him go, and that’s my turn. Healing Percy.

TALIESIN: I’m not at full, but I’m much better.

MARISHA: Fucking kill her, man!

TALIESIN: You’re probably down next to me with some cover, though. Probably not up.

MARISHA: I’m going to my last whatever movement I have to step back a little bit, because I’m really fucked up. If I can step back, whatever I can. I know I stood up, so I know I have half movement.

MATT: You have three. You can get behind Trinket.

MARISHA: I’ll get behind Trinket, and I’m not looking good.

MATT: Grog, after you see the guy back up and you start lurching forward, you faintly hear out of the corner of your ear a rustle, and your eye turns over just in time to see a hooded figure leap out with a blade in hand towards you from behind. That is going to be, with advantage against you, 26 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits. I have danger sense, advantage on dex saving throws, dodge, traps and spells.

MATT: Doesn’t help you in this.

LAURA: Traps and spells?!

MATT: Yeah, which he got advantage on the saving throw.

TRAVIS: 26 hits.

MATT: You feel something cold and painful sink into your back and your muscles tense up. You take–

MARISHA: I’m really tapped out. Not looking good.

MATT: From the sneak attack–

TRAVIS: Oh, sneak attack.

TALIESIN: Kill her.

MATT: 28 points of slashing damage.

TRAVIS: Halved to 14.

MATT: Halved to 14. Through your back from the blade. Surprised that the impact didn’t take as well as it did, pulls the blade out. Looking at the blood curling on the edge of the blade, you glance over your shoulder at this thug-like figure. Young man, looking a little scared. That brings us to the goliath. Sees you. Dashes forward, takes no action, pulls out a shield and a big old thick broadsword. Comes up, yelling at you, getting your attention full-on gladiatoral warrior-on-warrior combat,. Shield at the ready, ready to tussle with you. Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Me? Jesus, I can’t do shit. I get up. Those are holes, craters?

MATT: Yeah. It’s a gradual crevasse that comes down and comes up to these points here with the ground that’s been blown out.

SAM: Okay. I get up to the edge. I can only run another 15 feet or something, right?

MATT: Yeah, roughly.

SAM: I get closer to the edge as far as I can. Shit. Man, I can’t do much. How far apart are the farthest of the far?

MATT: Both of these guys are about 25, 30 feet from each other.

SAM: How about that one and the next one?

MATT: That one and the next one there? They would be roughly 65, 70 feet apart.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: You take your action to cry?

SAM: Yeah. I’ll fire a Fireball to those two in the corner.

LAURA: That’s good!

MATT: Two dex saves.

TRAVIS: Oh man, we’re in it, y'all, we’re fucking in it!

MATT: The DC is 15. The robed one succeeds, so takes half damage. The gunner rolled a natural one. Roll that 8d6 damage. Percy, you’re almost up. We have one more turn before you after this, so be prepared.

TALIESIN: Oh god.

SAM: That’s good. 35.

MATT: 17 fire damage to that one and that gunner there. (explosion) Another fiery explosion, you can see the streak from the wand of Scanlan in the distance. This tree begins to catch fire as it’s one of the few not fully burned, petrified trees. It’s going to curl up. The robed figure ducks out of the way and manages to avoid some of the impact. The figure that’s already been stabbed and shot by arrows takes the full brunt of it and is looking charred, burnt, and barely holding on right now.

SAM: For my bonus action, can I take a potion. Is that bonus-able action?

MATT: I’m letting it, yeah. You can take a potion as a bonus.

SAM: Okay, I’ll take a greater, which is how many?

MATT: Greater is 4d4 plus four.

MATT: 4d4 plus four.

TRAVIS: Shit, man, what a map! I’m so excited! Like a pair of crater breasts coming out of the ground.

SAM: That’s my move. See you in a half hour.

TALIESIN: We’ll send him out.

SAM: How many more attackers don’t we see?

TALIESIN: They are the Hong Kong Cavaliers still at the ready.

MARISHA: It’s like the Crazy 88; they just keep coming.

MATT: Uses a bonus action to Misty Step.

LAURA: Damn it.

MATT: Onto there.

TALIESIN: Good. That’s funny.

LAURA: That’s at eye level.

TRAVIS: That’s on our level.

MATT: Robed figure– Yeah, it’s up at eye level. Stands there on the edge, lifts the staff up, the hand begins to glow in a shimmer of rainbows, and as the hand comes down like this, the rainbow blasts out in front of it with a sudden, nearly-blinding show of magical arcane force. Did I get my templates? Because I’m going to need a template there, Ryan.

LIAM: You have no template, it misses everybody. That’s how it works.

MATT: I don’t see them in there.

SAM: Sorry, before you do this. Before you spend all this time. Is this one 60 feet away from me?

MATT: It is within 60 feet.

SAM: I am going to Counterspell that.

TALIESIN: You are a beautiful person.

MATT: You’re using your action to Counterspell? Go ahead and roll, adding six plus two, so plus eight to this.

SAM: It’s a d20?

MATT: It’s a d20, add eight.

SAM: Fuck you. 12.

MATT: 12. I had an interesting thought, here.

MARISHA: I like interesting thoughts.

LIAM: You don’t need those.

TALIESIN: Oh, look, they made little caskets for all of our figures.

MATT: Peerless skill. You can add one of our own bardic inspirations to an ability check if you want to. It is technically an ability check.

SAM: I can inspire myself?

MATT: Yeah, it’s an ability you got at level 14.

SAM: To inspire myself, I take a big handful of fusaka.

(laughter)

MATT: You can roll the d10 and add that.

LIAM: Looks like meat’s back on the menu, boys!

SAM: Another four. Only up to 16.

MATT: 16’s not going to be enough.

SAM: Terrible rolls!

LIAM: What a visual!

SAM: I got spice in my nose.

MATT: Only catches those two, unfortunately. Wasn’t quite as good as he was hoping.

SAM: And neither was I

MATT: Actually, it would get– no. Trinket’s barely misses.

LIAM: Tickle on his nose.

MARISHA: I’m hiding behind Trinket.

MATT: I need a dexterity saving throw from Percival and from Scanlan.

MARISHA: Come on, Percy.

LAURA: Natural 20.

TALIESIN: No, but good enough.

SAM: 24.

TALIESIN: 18.

MATT: 18?

TALIESIN: Is it too late to reroll that?

MATT: No, you have the ability, Indomitable, as a fighter to do that. Scanlan, what’d you roll?

SAM: 24.

MATT: 24 dexterity saving throw?

SAM: I rolled a 19.

MATT: Nice!

TALIESIN: No, no better.

MATT: Well, he gets 10d6 fire damage to you as one of the red rays strikes into you, Percy.

TRAVIS: Rainbows are a motherfucker!

TALIESIN: I would have been dead!

MARISHA: People made fun of Thor walking across that rainbow bridge.

TALIESIN: Stop making that face. It can’t kill me.

MATT: 15 points of fire damage to you, Percy.

TALIESIN: 15? That’s fine.

MATT: Would have been 30. That is really shitty rolls on that one. Wait, Percy, you failed, so you take full damage, sorry. So it is 31 points of fire damage.

TALIESIN: I’m still fine, thanks to you.

MATT: I rolled an eight, so that’s two rays against you, Scanlan.

SAM: Is this Prismatic Spray?

MATT: It is!

SAM: Oh shit. That’s a good spell.

MATT: That’s yellow against you, and orange. So that’s 20d6 damage.

LAURA: 20d6?!

MATT: Thankfully, you made your save, so it’s half each. Lightning and acid. However, the acid you have resistance to.

SAM: I do!

TALIESIN: So that’s halved again.

TRAVIS: Did he say 20?

LAURA: 20d6!

MATT: 10d6. The acid you would take would be 47, reduced to 23. So you take 23 acid damage.

LIAM: You’re welcome for that armor.

MATT: 38 points of lightning damage reduced to– for the acid damage, you took half of that, as well. How much did I say you took?

SAM: 23.

MATT: 23. That’s reduced in half because of your resistance. That brings it to 11 points of acid damage.

SAM: Just going down and down. I like this.

MATT: Then you take 16 points of lightning damage.

SAM: That’s much better than those other numbers that you were saying.

TALIESIN: Those were bad numbers.

MATT: You roll 1d8 when it’s cast, and on you I rolled an eight, which means you get two rays. Thank god you had resistance and you made your save.

SAM: That’s a cool spell.

TRAVIS: The colors determine the–

MATT: What happens, yeah. It’s everything in a 60-foot cone. Was hoping he was a little closer.

LAURA: What level spell is that?

MATT: That’s a 7th.

MARISHA: It’s like a Pink Floyd tribute concert.

MATT: That was his big one.

LAURA: Could he have Misty-Stepped closer to us?

MATT: Not with that crevasse, unfortunately.

TRAVIS: Some would call it a “cre-vase.”

MATT: I will fight you. Truly, I will fight you, I have two guys fighting you. Percival, you’re up.

TALIESIN: In theory, I’m able to sense my Hex.

MATT: You can’t right now, no.

TALIESIN: I’m not sensing my Hex? Not at all?

MATT: No.

MARISHA: She’s got a magical cloak of fuckery.

TRAVIS: Yeah, she does.

LAURA: She’s a bitch.

TALIESIN: That’s fine. There’s really no point of even moving, at this point. I’m just on fire. I’m going to pull out the Retort pistol, and I’m going to shoot that wizard in the chest with some fun. I’m going take three shots at him.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TALIESIN: The first is a Sharpshooter shot. That’s 27.

MATT: 27 to hit, with the minus from Sharpshooter?

TALIESIN: With the minus. I rolled really well. 24 to hit, I’m sorry.

MATT: 24 to hit? Yeah, that hits.

TALIESIN: Actually, it’s 27.

MATT: Make up your mind, man!

TALIESIN: I’m really angry right now. I’m genuinely angry. I can’t even roll. Should I count that or not? Should I reroll it?

MARISHA: It was good, but you have to reroll it. I’m sorry, man.

MATT: Wasn’t an intentional roll? Reroll.

MARISHA: Oh! Same thing!

TALIESIN: That’s 26 points of piercing damage. What the hell?!

MATT: The bullet hits. You see the robed figure, the hood flies back. You see a man in his 40s with a chinstrap beard. He’s still holding his staff, keeping himself there.

TALIESIN: I am so calm, doing this. I’m going to shoot again, same thing. That’s 12.

MATT: 12 does not hit. This time, you go to fire, and the mage, now aware of your presence and what you’re firing at him, ducks out of the way, and it shoots past.

TALIESIN: I’m going to burn a grit and I’m going to do a torso shot, because that’ll be funny. No Sharpshooter.

LIAM: Percival: fan of comedy.

TALIESIN: I am. It is hilariously funny as possible. Oh, and there’s no save for this, it’s just if I hit. Come on, be cool. That’s cool enough. 21.

MATT: 21. As a reaction, the mage is going to throw up a Shield spell, seeing it coming towards him, adding to his AC. The bullet, while it should have hit the torso, ricochets off an arcane shield that shimmers briefly in place, having no impact, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: I’m going to use my bonus to have a greater potion. That’s 4d4 plus four?

MATT: 4d4 plus four, yes.

TALIESIN: And then I’m going to make sure that I look the wizard in the eye, and I’m going to yell to him: You’re not leaving here alive! You’re going to die. As I reload. Well, I can’t reload yet, but I’ll reload in a second.

MATT: All right, that ends your turn, Percival. Grog you’re up.

TRAVIS: Now that I’ve got two playfellows, we’re on the edge of the crevasse, right?

MATT: Correct. Yes.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Can I try to push the goliath into the– can I go into a frenzied rage as my bonus action? And can I use my first attack to try to shove the goliath into the crevasse?

MATT: You’ll have to move to push her.

TRAVIS: Can I move?

MATT: Yeah, you shift around that way. You’d get an attack of opportunity from the rogue.

TRAVIS: Worth it.

MATT: And I would say, so you’re aware, usually it’s like when you go into a rage you choose to frenzy rage, but I’ve always liked the idea of you going into a frenzy if you want to. I don’t think it takes an action to do so.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Okay. I thought it was a bonus.

MATT: It’s a bonus action to rage.

TRAVIS: Yeah. I thought frenzy was also.

MATT: Yeah, you’re fine. You go into it. All right, so you’ll move.

TRAVIS: Yeah, just one over.

MATT: One over this way. The rogue goes to strike you. That is 21?

TRAVIS: That’ll hit.

MATT: That hits. It is not sneak attack right now because he already used it until it comes back to his turn. So you take ten points of piercing damage reduced to five. As he swipes at you, cuts barely across your back and you move into place. Okay now the goliath turns her shield up in front of you.

TRAVIS: For my reckless attack, I’d like to try and push her into the crevasse.

MATT: Okay, so the first strike, make your athletics check, I think?

TRAVIS: Nice. Athletics?

MATT: This would be your athletics versus hers. Yeah.

TRAVIS: 27.

MATT: You push her back five feet there, and you push into that space there. First attack, she puts the shield up and as you slam into the shield, slides against, you see all the glass building up behind her ankles and tumbling into the crevasse behind her.

TRAVIS: I do another.

MATT: All right go for it. Roll again.

TRAVIS: Yes! 23.

MATT: That is a 13, as she stands there with her blade at the ready, getting ready to arc down with the counterattack, you slam into her shield and she (yells) falls backward, tumbling into the crevasse. Down into the pile in the center. She takes 15 points of damage from the impact and the shards of broken, jagged glass that are at the bottom of it from the explosion before and she’s like (groans) on the ground.

TRAVIS: Can I look over my shoulder at the rogue?

MATT: Yes, you can.

TRAVIS: Because he’s got the little dagger, right?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Can I say: Sit down before I open you up! And I would like to take off towards the guy that I was first engaged with that’s at the back corner of the map with the rest of my movement. I have one attack left. Yeah. Reckless, please, chef. 25.

MATT: Yeah, that’ll hit.

TALIESIN: Turn him into paste, please.

TRAVIS: 17, with two points of necrotic damage.

MATT: 17. You rush up and slash across with the axe. He puts up the rifle to try and keep it at bay. You cut through the rifle, cutting it in half, and the blade impacts in the chest. Pushes and pulls the weapon out as you pull backward, ready for another strike. A big streak of blood pours out from the wound. He’s standing, but looking extremely hurt.

LAURA: And his rifle’s broken.

MATT: All right, that ends your turn?

TRAVIS: I have Retaliation. I forgot about it. That’s all right.

TALIESIN: If he tries to run, you’ll kill him, anyway.

TRAVIS: If somebody tries to hit me within five feet with melee, I can hit him back but I forgot to do it.

SAM: Even on an attack of opportunity, you mean?

MATT: Yeah. He has the ability to use his reaction to attack someone back immediately.

TALIESIN: You can only do it once per round.

MATT: Once per round, yeah. All right. Suddenly, (whoosh).

SAM: Who that?

MATT: Ripley reappears ten feet from where she was before, and you can still see the smoke pouring off of her, the presence very easy to see of Orthax now bound to her, the inspiration for her recent designs in carrying on the legacy that you chose to end. And as she appears, she goes and takes aim with her refined pepperbox across the way at you, Percy.

TALIESIN: Yes, she does.

SAM: You get advantage against bullets, right?

TALIESIN: I don’t. Although I do have cover. I don’t have full cover. I have some cover.

MATT: No, you have half cover, which is a plus five to your AC. She rolled a 28.

TALIESIN: That’ll hit. Adds five to my AC, currently?

MATT: Yes. So the first one hits. The second strike, she’s going to spend a grit point to Violent Shot. That is a 26?

TALIESIN: That also hits.

MATT: Okay. And a third strike, she’s going to Headshot you.

TALIESIN: That’s funny and useless, but okay.

MATT: That’s all right. That was a natural one.

LAURA: Misfire?!

MATT: It misfires. The first two shots hit, but the third one misfires. So with her refined pepperbox she takes aim (gunfire) takes a shot. Actually, before she does that, she bonus actions towards you, and you feel a similar feeling take over you as you now, Percy.

LIAM and TRAVIS: Nega-Percy!

SAM: Why don’t you marry her?

TALIESIN: This whole fight’s going to end with us kissing. We’re going to start making out. It’s going to be a big ugly makeout.

MATT: So the first shot with this is going to be 12 points of piercing damage from the first strike, plus two psychic, as the impact hits you and you feel this shocking ring in your head. You see a flash suddenly in your mind of the dark-shadowed face of Orthax laughing.

TALIESIN: 14 points total?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: Second shot, which is a Violent Shot, on hit has double dice value. So that’s 18 points of piercing damage.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try and slow it down with a catch.

MATT: Okay. Plus four psychic.

TALIESIN: So I’m going to try and lower that 18.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Ooh! I lower it by 14 points.

MATT: Okay. You catch the bullet, and for the most part it still pierces through.

TALIESIN: So four points of damage plus four psychic.

MATT: Plus four psychic so eight total.

SAM: Wow, you caught a bullet.

TALIESIN: They don’t move that fast.

MATT: The third gun. “Shit.”

TALIESIN: (laughs) I’m going to be laughing my ass off for a minute.

MATT: And you watch as she goes, “Very well.” And vanishes again from sight.

LAURA: Ugh! I hate her.

LIAM and LAURA: She’s a bitch.

MATT: That brings us to the gunner’s turn. This one here is going to go ahead and it’s horribly wounded. This one, the rifle misfired, if I recall.

TALIESIN: Yes.

MATT: Yes. And has pulled out a pistol. So the gunner here, using a pistol, is going to take three shots at you, Vax.

LIAM: With disadvantage.

MATT: With disadvantage on them, correct. Well, two shots. One, and then a reload, and then one. So the first shot with disadvantage, that’s a 27 and 24.

LIAM: That hits.

MATT: All right, so the disadvantage has faded.

LIAM: Loses it for the rest of the round.

MATT: But still. You take from the first hit 12 points of piercing damage, and the second strike without disadvantage is terrible. That is a 13.

LIAM: I’m fine.

MATT: Rolled a three, but it did not roll enough to misfire. So reload, last shot fire misses. It’s going to run this way.

LIAM: Oh, can I uncanny dodge? Or is it too late?

MATT: Yeah, you can do that. So half damage. All righty, the other one who’s in front of you, Grog, and is scared out of his mind is going to attempt to step back.

TRAVIS: Well, that’s one way to die.

MATT: So go ahead and take your– he does not want to be in your face.

TRAVIS: That’s 29.

MATT: That hits. Roll damage.

TRAVIS: Can I make that Great Weapon– I have to say that before.

MATT: Yeah, no. It’s too late.

TRAVIS: 16 points of damage. One necrotic.

MATT: 16. You arc back. This time you jam it into the leg, and you see him now limping, one eye is like half closed and swollen, breathing heavy. One arm is busted and is still holding the pistol up, and points it toward you. He’s going to take three shots with the pistol that’s already loaded, now that he got rid of the big gun. The first one is going to be (shouting) 12!

TRAVIS: Misses!

MATT: You dodge to the side. Next shot is 25.

TRAVIS: That’ll hit.

MATT: This one will be eight points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Okay, halved to four.

MATT: And this one it’s going to use all three grit points that it has to do a triple Violent Shot.

MARISHA: Wait, that’s a thing?

TALIESIN: That is a thing.

MARISHA: A triple violent– why haven’t you done that?

MATT: It adds more to the misfire score, but it can add to a lot of damage.

TALIESIN: No, I very rarely use it because it’s a bad–

MATT: 22.

TRAVIS: Hits.

LAURA: Look, did you see how happy he was about this? That was the most satisfied smile I’ve seen from Matt in a really long time.

MARISHA: How are you, Grog? Are you all right?

MATT: 26 points of piercing damage, reduced to half.

TRAVIS: To 13?

MATT: To 13, yeah. Goes firing at you with the shots and as you’re still standing and taking it all, he’s shaking and backing up.

TRAVIS: Yeah, can I lick the ice cream as it’s melting out of me?

MARISHA: Triple violent shot?

TALIESIN: I can do a quintuple.

MATT: All right, that ends the gunner’s turn. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Me? Oh. For a bonus action I’m going to take a greater healing potion. I’m going to do that at the end, though.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Okay, I’m going to peek out. Who’s seeable? Is the guy that I’ve been shooting–

MATT: Still visible over here, yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, I’m going to shoot him.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: That is a 30.

MATT: That’ll hit. Oh and Percy, I forgot to add, nine additional points of necrotic damage from the Hex. I forgot to add that to the damage you were taking.

TALIESIN: But you forgot.

MATT: I give it to you all the time.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it. Okay, are we rolling that? All right, nine additional points of necrotic?

LIAM: He can go all night long.

LAURA: 15. That’s with one lightning damage.

MATT: All right. (grunts)

LAURA: And then, I’ll do it again! That’s a fun thing. Fuck. I can’t add. 23.

MATT: 23 hits.

LIAM: Off that roll? Holy cow.

LAURA: 17 points, with three lightning damage.

MATT: 17 points. The other arrow snaps into her leg as she’s trying to run past (grunts) she almost stumbles for a second and has to–

LAURA: Jeez, they’re all still standing! Oh, and then I’m going to take my potion.

MATT: Okay, go for it. Vax you’re up.

LIAM: I would like to use my movement and my bonus action to run. I want to beeline towards the rogue. How far do I get?

MATT: Over there?

LIAM: Yeah, straight towards him. I don’t care how close I get to the other two.

MATT: To the crevasse or around it?

LIAM: Crevasse.

MARISHA: You’re going to jump?

LIAM: I’m running.

MATT: 25, 30. Slide down. Moving at this speed you’re taking damage for each one, so you take six points of piercing damage, or one point of damage for each square that you run past in the glass.

TRAVIS: Oh, six points per square?

MATT: No, one point per square.

LIAM: That’s as far as I get with movement and dash? A bonus action dash?

MATT: I kept forgetting the glass aspect of this. That’s as close as you can get.

LIAM: And I’ll use my action to keep going and as I close in I shout out: Kynan! You’re with us! You are not with them, you are with me! Stop this! Move behind us now!

MATT: You took a total of 18 points piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Who’s Kynan?

MARISHA: Is he the one on the thing? Is he the mage?

LIAM: They don’t know!

MATT: It’s going to have to be a climb check to get up, next round. That’s as far as you can get, you’re running through the crevasse as you go.

LIAM: They don’t know.

LAURA: I ducked back behind that tree after I shot, by the way. I ducked back behind the tree when I shot that person.

MATT: Okay. There you go. All right.

LIAM: Charisma roll, persuasion, anything?

MATT: For this one? As you’re ducking through, you’re shouting it out, but you don’t even know if he’s really paying attention at the moment. All right, ending your turn. Keyleth you’re up.

MARISHA: All right, I am burning my 7th-level spell and really fucked up behind Trinket, I’m going to think about the air elementals on the beach, and what they just did, and I’m going to cast Whirlwind, and I’m going to aim for the mage on the crevasse booby.

MATT: (chuckles) All righty.

LIAM: That mage is right on the nip.

MARISHA: Right on the nip.

MATT: All right, so it’s a ten-foot radius.

MARISHA: (laughing) We ruin everything you make.

LIAM: Anything you do, we will turn into preschool, Matt.

TALIESIN: Oh god, I just saw it.

MATT: So a ten-foot radius.

MARISHA: Oh, you built this? Looks like a dick. Okay.

MATT: I’m going to kill all of you.

TRAVIS: No, don’t! Come on!

MATT: A 30-foot high cylinder. So you’re creating it here?

MARISHA: No, over on top of the mage. I have a 300-foot range.

MATT: All right. So you guys watch as the wind kicks up–

MARISHA: Can I get the guy in the crevasse? The 30-foot-high?

MATT: You could, technically, yeah, if you want to.

MARISHA: Yeah, I’ll suck them all up.

MATT: All right. So you watch as a cloud begins to appear above and shoots down in an instantaneous funnel. A tornado slams down into this crevasse, as Keyleth’s eyes glow, her reaching out and drawing it to the ground. All right, it sucks up any medium or smaller objects that aren’t secured. Creatures make a dexterity saving throw the first time on a turn that it enters the whirlwind or the whirlwind enters its space. So they both have to make a dex save. The mage, that’s an eight. That’s a nope.

TALIESIN: What a lovely number.

MATT: The goliath. That’s a 19, and 18 plus one. What’s your DC?

MARISHA: 19.

MATT: It succeeds. The goliath does. The mage does not.

MARISHA: Oh, the goliath?

MATT: 10d6 bludgeoning damage, if you could.

MARISHA: What?

TRAVIS, TALIESIN and MATT: 10d6.

MARISHA: 10d6?! It’s like Christmas! One, two, three, four, five, okay. Oh, that’s fine! Okay, so that’s– wait, what was that? What was that, Taliesin? I pushed it. Was it a two? It was a four? Okay. Six, plus five is 11, plus four is 15, plus another four is 19, plus another two is 21.

TALIESIN: Roll them again. That was five.

MARISHA: That was five!

MATT: 21, plus?

MARISHA: Not as good this time. What did I say, 21? 26, 30, 32, 35, 36!

MATT: 36 bludgeoning damage.

TALIESIN: And does he get flung?

MATT: The goliath grapples on to some of the shards of broken glass, and while taking the bludgeoning impact manages to stay in place. The mage has to make a strength saving throw or become restrained in the spell until it ends, and rolls a two.

MARISHA: Wait, is he restrained or is he flung? Because it’s vague on what happens.

LAURA: Personally, I was flung.

MATT: He is restrained. Restrained means speed becomes zero, attack rolls against him have advantage, and it has disadvantage on dexterity saving throws.

MARISHA: He’s stuck in a tornado.

MATT: He can try to use his action to break free, and then it is hurled from it. But right now it is currently held.

MARISHA: If he tries to break free? Well, that’s fun.

MATT: When it starts his turn, he begins being pulled up in the air inside the whirlwind.

MARISHA: Yeah. I’ve never done this before, so this is cool. Yeah.

MATT: It’s pretty cool. All right, cool. And you can use your move to move the whirlwind 30 feet. So now that’s he’s restrained in it, if you move the whirlwind elsewhere, he goes with it.

MARISHA: Can I do that now? Or next turn.

MATT: You know, you didn’t use your movement.

MARISHA: I didn’t!

MATT: You can move up to 30 feet and possibly pick up other things if you want to. No one is directly nearby, but you can start moving it in a certain direction, if you’d like.

TALIESIN: We don’t actually know where Ripley is.

LAURA: Yeah, move it towards where Ripley was!

MARISHA: That’s true, where was Ripley last seen? That’s probably what I would try to do. I would push it that way.

MATT: Okay, so leaving behind. 25, 30. That’s where you’re going to want to leave it, there. Currently held up inside that. That sucks for you. Keyleth, that end your turn?

MARISHA: Yep.

TALIESIN: Can he not do anything while he’s in there?

MARISHA: He’s fucked. Yeah. He’s stuck in a tornado.

LAURA: Unless if it hits Ripley, does she defuse it?

MARISHA: She has to save from it. She either gets sucked up in it or flung, so she’s going to get fucked either way. I don’t know.

TALIESIN: Well, then we’d know where she is.

MARISHA: It’s not necessarily a spell on her. I made the spell around her.

MATT: Keyleth.

MARISHA: What? No, come on.

MATT: As you’re casting the spell and holding aloft, the hooded thug, the younger man, runs behind and flings a dagger in your direction.

MARISHA: Kynan? Little shit.

TALIESIN: She’s got cover, by the way.

MATT: Yeah, you do have half cover on that, which adds.

LAURA: No, we can’t kill Kynan.

TRAVIS: You can’t kill Kynan.

SAM: Kill him. Destroy his life.

LAURA: I can’t kill Kynan, and I apparently can’t kill anyone today.

MATT: Three-quarters cover is plus five. It may be plus two for half cover. Let me double-check.

TALIESIN: It’s a tree and a bear.

MATT: I’ll say it’s three-quarters cover. That’s fine. You get plus five to your AC. 24. What’s your AC?

MARISHA: I get plus five?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: That hits.

MATT: That hits, still?

MARISHA: My armor class is 17 plus five, so that’s 22.

MATT: Yeah, it still hits you. Okay, so, flings the dagger. This black, curved, razor-like dagger sinks into you. Currently no sneak attack damage, but you do take–

MARISHA: I swear to god, if he drops me, I’m going to be so pissed.

MATT: 16 points of piercing damage to you.

MARISHA: Okay. All right.

MATT: I need you to make a concentration check. Just roll a constitution saving throw.

MARISHA: What do I have to roll over?

MATT: It would be ten or higher. Don’t roll low. Constitution saving throw.

MARISHA: Ten total.

MATT: You make it! You maintain concentration. However, as the blade hits you, you watch as it was thrown, you notice Kynan shifts into shadow and goes after the blade, vanishing. The blade strikes you, and then suddenly Kynan’s hand appears where the blade stabbed you, and he appears next to you.

TALIESIN: Where?

MATT: Up on the log, right there.

MARISHA: Kynan! Hey, man! What’s up?

MATT: You see him shaken. There’s sweat on the face. That ends his turn. It is now the barbarian. Not the barbarian, the goliath’s turn. There, is going to attempt to make an athletics check to climb. That’s enough. Gets up just barely to the top and that’s not going to be enough to really do much else on her turn, unfortunately. Messed up everything she’s been trying to do.

LIAM: Right up the hill, gets kicked back down.

TRAVIS: She has a shield, right?

MATT: Yeah, shield. Climbs up, wipes off the blood from the side of her mouth, (growls). Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: It’s a very muddled playing field.

MATT: Yes, it is.

SAM: And I’m so far away from everyone. I’m going to yell: Grog! Hold on to something, man! And so I’m going to case Reverse Gravity right there.

MATT: Oh shit!

SAM: And get everyone over here.

MATT: All right, hold on. Reverse Gravity. 100 feet. You could totally get it over there. 50-foot radius, so yeah, it’s going to get–

SAM: And Ripley, if she’s not immune to it.

MATT: You can get everyone in that, including Grog.

SAM: Sorry, Grog!

MATT: Grog, make a dexterity saving throw, with advantage, because it’s against a spell.

TRAVIS: That’s not great. That’s a six.

MATT: Nope.

SAM: You’re going on a ride!

MATT: The gunner fails. The goliath fails. Interestingly enough, the mage is unaffected because he’s not affected by gravity. He’s currently being held in a whirlwind. However, go ahead and at the full 100 feet high, everyone hits the very top of it, and then you can choose to then either maintain it or drop them immediately.

SAM: They’re gunners, right?

MATT: There’s a gunner there, and then there’s the goliath warrior.

SAM: I’m going to hold them. I’m going to hold in place, and let’s all go around, find Ripley.

TALIESIN: You can totally do the Point Break mid-air combat.

TRAVIS: At terminal velocity?

TALIESIN: Isn’t Point Break the one where they keep jumping out of airplanes? I can never remember.

LAURA: Wow, that is so high.

MARISHA: Hell yeah, man.

SAM: Sorry!

TRAVIS: Cool! Super cool, guys! Super cool!

MATT: They are all currently now (screams) unable to attack, unable to really do anything well up from there.

LAURA: Just think, if it had been Percy, he would have thrown up.

SAM: Other than the mage and maybe Ripley, everyone’s off– no, and the fucker Kynan.

MATT: Yeah, he’s over there, and there’s the gunner over there.

SAM: No, that gunner should have been in the radius.

MATT: 50-foot radius?

SAM: 50-foot radius. I cast it right there.

MATT: Yeah. That would have put– I’ll make a dex save on them. That is a 21. What is your DC?

SAM: 21.

MATT: So just makes it. So it’s barely holding on right now, reaches over and grabs part of the tree and is like (groaning).

TALIESIN: Does that mean he can’t fire his gun for as long as the spell is up?

MATT: Seemingly, yeah.

TALIESIN: Good to know.

TRAVIS: Well, I’m up in the air again. Of all the people who really shouldn’t be in the air, I’m up in the air again.

LAURA: It’s like Dragonball Z fighting now.

MATT: Currently, he’s holding on to the branch, preventing himself from falling upward, grabbing a root and part of a tree, and is like (yelling) stuck there in the moment. Do you want to move?

SAM: Yes, I’m going to move. Jesus, what’s the fastest way to get across this stupid crevasse? Through it?

MATT: Through it or around. It’s up to you.

LIAM: Get some ouchies in there.

SAM: It’ll take me like, a minute to get all the way around there.

LAURA: Can you ride on Bigby’s Hand through it?

MARISHA: Can you Dimension Door?

SAM: I can’t do shit while I’m casting a spell.

MARISHA: That sucks, man.

SAM: I’m going to start walking around the circle.

MATT: This way?

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Do you have any healing bonus actions?

SAM: I do have a healing bonus action.

LAURA: I’m really low.

MATT: Five points of piercing damage to you, Scanlan, as you’re running across. Grog’s taken none because Grog’s rage essentially halves the one point you take per walk, so you don’t take any damage. Everyone else has been barely moving, so they’ve been doing the half move. You take one point of damage per square you move.

SAM: So you’re dying? Okay, so I’ll turn to Vex and I’ll heal her. I’ll sing: (singing) I heal you. I heal you so bad. I heal you so bad, it’s driving me mad, it’s driving me mad.

MATT: What level are you casting it as?

SAM: Two.

MATT: 2nd-level? Okay, so 2d4 plus six.

SAM: Ooh! 12.

MATT: 12 points healed to you, Vex. All right. The mage, who is currently held in the whirlwind– let’s see, here.

TALIESIN: His options are pretty limited, if I recall.

LIAM: He diarrheas on himself.

MATT: He’s just restrained. He can still do things while it’s in the whirlwind. It can’t move, attacks against it have advantage–

MARISHA: He can just go: oh, Toto!

ALL: Oh, Toto! Totoro.

MARISHA: That evolved real quickly. What did we just do?

LAURA: I have no idea.

MATT: Apologies for the delay.

LAURA: Cool! The dice sticks to the magnets on the boxes.

TRAVIS: Oh, the metal ones?

LIAM: Apropos of nothing.

MATT: Okay, that works. So the mage, who’s currently held aloft and floating about, looks over at the source of the whirlwind, puts a hand out and goes (grunt). You watch as an arc of lightning arcs over in the direction of Keyleth.

MARISHA: What?

MATT: It arcs past–

TALIESIN: Is it going to be able to hit her?

MARISHA: No fucking shit. He doesn’t get thrown? What a dick.

MATT: No, the throw is when he breaks free of it. Right now, he takes damage. Where is it? Basically, it just does the damage, and then it holds him in place. You can basically control where they are, which is the fun of it. It’s restrained, and it’s held within. Just making sure I’m not missing any of the elements here. First time in a turn that it enters the whirlwind or the whirlwind enters its space, including when the whirlwind first appears. So yeah, it doesn’t keep taking damage. It is being held aloft right now, and you can move it over other guys as you continue to press through more damage. So anyway, the arc of lightning arcs over 150-feet distance, hitting towards you. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Do I have advantage because I’m behind Trinket or anything? Do I have cover?

MATT: No, it doesn’t help you.

MARISHA: I have advantage because my armor is resistant against spells, right?

MATT: This is true. So go ahead and dexterity saving throw.

MARISHA: I’ll take that 12. It’s not great. 17.

MATT: Does not help, unfortunately. It’s 10d8 lightning damage.

TALIESIN: There is no way that the guy who’s currently got a knife stuck in her isn’t going to get some of this.

MATT: We’ll find out in a second.

TALIESIN: Just asking.

MARISHA: Honestly, I thought I was going to be able to last around to the next round.

TALIESIN: It’s okay. There are options.

MATT: So Keyleth, you take 59 points of lightning damage.

LAURA: Oh shit!

TRAVIS: Fuck!

MARISHA: (incredulously) I take what?

MATT: 59 points of lightning damage from the Chain Lightning spell that just hit you.

MARISHA: Oh, wow! What kills you in this game?

LIAM: Hitting zero’s unconscious, and then going past your total HP kills you.

MARISHA: I have to go past my total HP?

SAM: Negative 115, or something like that.

MARISHA: Well I’m negative 58 now.

LAURA: No, no, no, you’re zero now. Now it’s just death saving throws.

MARISHA: I just go to zero. I don’t go negative.

LIAM: If you don’t go higher past your total HP, you’re still at zero.

LAURA: Take it from us, we’ve been unconscious a lot.

(laughter)

LAURA: You’re fine.

MARISHA: But do I still have to count going negative?

ALL: No.

MATT: You fall unconscious. The whirlwind vanishes (thump), and the mage falls prone–

SAM: Floats 100 feet in the air.

MARISHA: (thunk) Does he take falling damage?

MATT: Cannot grab onto anything, because he was actually lifted up in the air, so the mage is now 100 feet in the air.

LAURA: (gasps) Yes!

MARISHA: Yay, Scanlan! Yeah!

TALIESIN: That is a series of poor life choices.

MARISHA: Yeah, it was!

MATT: However, three bolts then leap from the target to as many as three other targets. So that’s going to be–

SAM: Oh, shit.

MARISHA: Ooh, jesus christ.

TALIESIN: Oh, shit.

MATT: Goes to the first– that includes Scanlan. So Scanlan, Percy, and Trinket all get a bolt.

TALIESIN: (high-pitched) He’s not going to get hit because he’s touching her at the time that she gets hit?

LAURA: Yeah, Kynan? Kynan doesn’t get hit?

MATT: He chooses the targets. So I need Percy, Scanlan, and Trinket to make a dexterity saving throw.

TALIESIN: Oh, shit. This is about to get very bad. Oh thank god.

SAM: Do I get to inspire myself on the save?

MATT: Not unless you already have inspiration.

LAURA: (singing) Six.

SAM: 12.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: Let me see here. Make sure if it’s an ability check.

SAM: Get ready to fall, there, Grog.

TRAVIS: (laughing) Oh, really?

TALIESIN: It’s about to happen.

SAM: It’s about to happen.

TRAVIS: (laughing) Oh, man.

MARISHA: Remember those break-falls you practiced? Like in basketball in high school? Do that.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah. From six feet off the ground.

MATT: Only for an ability check for you, unfortunately, Scanlan.

SAM: That’s okay.

TRAVIS: Oh, god.

LIAM: 8d6 coming your way, papa.

LAURA: Oh my god. We’re going to die.

SAM: 12.

TALIESIN: 23.

MATT: And Trinket?

LAURA: Six!

LIAM: Oh, shit.

MATT: So you took how much damage from that? 59?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: 59 points of lightning damage to you.

SAM: (chokes)

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: Scanlan goes unconscious on the ground.

MARISHA: Both of your healers are out, bee tee dubs.

MATT: Percy, you take 38 points of–

TALIESIN: 38?

MATT: It would be– no, sorry. Half of 59. 28.

TALIESIN: 28?

MATT: 29.

TALIESIN: 29.

MATT: 29 points of lightning damage to you, Percy.

TALIESIN: Hold on, I’ve got to do some math. Oh my god.

MARISHA: Are you out, too? Come on, Percy.

TALIESIN: No, I’m good. I’m good. Okay, okay.

MATT: And Trinket takes 59 points of lightning damage.

LAURA: Trinket is unconscious.

TRAVIS: But doesn’t he go (whoosh) back to the pokeball?

TALIESIN: She has to go over and pick him up.

LAURA: No, no. If he’s unconscious, he goes straight into my pokeball if I’m within 100 feet.

MATT: Yeah, (whoosh) so Trinket turns into a little burst of dark bear shadow and (whoosh) shoots into your necklace.

SAM: And everyone falls.

MATT: And everyone falls. (laughs)

TRAVIS: No, no, no. Why?

LAURA: Yeah, because Scanlan went unconscious.

MARISHA: Me and you, man. We’re out.

LIAM: Concentration’s gone. Everybody wake up!

MARISHA: Yeah. Wha-bam!

TRAVIS: Like, some Looney Tunes shit? (pew) And the head just stays there, and then (rushing wind).

MARISHA: Everyone looks down for a second and processes?

LIAM: Sorry, Wile E.

MATT: That is 30 points of bludgeoning damage.

TRAVIS: On the fall?

MATT: Yeah, you take half.

TRAVIS: Half?

MATT: Because you can still maintain your rage while up there, so you take 15.

TRAVIS: Persistent rage, baby.

MATT: Exactly.

TRAVIS: It’s a new feat.

MATT: The gunner splats. Just a messy splat of red crimson on the ground.

LAURA: Good, that’s good. Evening out the odds as we all go unconscious, they all go unconscious.

MATT: Impacts, is alive but hurt, and is like (pain grunt) on the ground.

LAURA: Does she fall into the 20-foot crevasse?

MATT: Yes, and then takes an additional–

TRAVIS: Do it. End her. Finish her off.

MARISHA: Come on. Die, die, die. Die.

MATT: Actually, let’s see if she manages to make a saving throw to stay there. She actually lands on the edge, because that’s where she was standing before. Nope! Not with a five. So that’s an additional 13 points of damage. Oh, she’s looking rough. But that other gunner is gone. That guy’s fine who’s been holding on. The mage takes–

TALIESIN: It’s already taken some hits.

MATT: The mage splats.

MARISHA: Yeah, he does! Fuck you.

SAM: I killed two people!

TALIESIN: With your eyes closed!

MATT: Grog, you are prone on the ground there.

LAURA: How many points did you take? That’s it? Just 15 points? That’s it?

TALIESIN: He is made of stone.

TRAVIS: That hurt me. My hit points are actually in the double digits now.

LAURA: Oh, you poor thing!

SAM: Oh, wow. That’s rare.

TRAVIS: I know. I’m a little frightened.

SAM: Upper 90s.

TALIESIN: Mine are almost in the singles.

LAURA: He’s still like almost a hundred hit points.

MATT: Percival, it’s your turn.

SAM: Start healing everyone.

MARISHA: Fucking shit.

TALIESIN: Okay. First thing I’m going to do is, I’m going to–

SAM: (singing) Heal the world. Make it a better place.

TALIESIN: This is such a bad experience on every conceivable level. First thing I’m going to do is I’m going to run up to that jerk with the knives and I am going to press my left hand with great authority, especially considering I’ve just taken another bolt of intense electricity, and I am going to Iron Man the living– on the head. I’m going to just do it.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: I am going to use Diplomacy for the first–

SAM: Have you ever used Diplomacy?

TALIESIN: This is the second time we have ever used Diplomacy.

MATT: Yeah, go ahead and roll for an attack.

TALIESIN: I actually have no idea how to roll for an attack for this. I have no idea how it works, so I can roll and tell you what I roll.

MATT: No, roll a d20. You add your proficiency bonus of five, plus your strength modifier.

TALIESIN: That’s embarrassing. Okay.

MATT: I know.

LAURA: That’s okay. You’ll roll a natural 20 anyway.

MATT: You know what, for the, hmm–

TALIESIN: I just rolled.

SAM: He’ll be okay, he’ll be okay.

TALIESIN: And unless you’ve got something to add to that, because that is a sad number that you just threw at me.

SAM: That’s fine. You’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.

MATT: I would say, unfortunately, because you’re not a monk, it’s going to be strength. It’s for every physical impact.

TALIESIN: Okay, because it’s touch. I don’t actually have to put any–

TRAVIS: What is it?

LIAM: What’d you roll?

TALIESIN: It’s a 22 is what I rolled.

TRAVIS: What are you even worried about?

LAURA: How is that sad?

MATT: You hit.

TALIESIN: I am horrified by what’s going on.

LAURA: You’re touching him. How can you not hit?

MATT: What’d you roll?

TALIESIN: 16.

MATT: Yeah, you’re fine.

TALIESIN: But my strength is a one, so I’m horrified.

MATT: Yeah. But you do actually strike.

TALIESIN: Okay. Oh, god.

MATT: So he’s going to go ahead and make a constitution saving throw. Natural one.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Although I love when the dice make narrative work.

SAM: Kynan going to die.

MATT: So go ahead and roll. With a lightning charge earlier, any additional charge?

TALIESIN: Technically, if it’s one long rest, I may be at three charges. Two or three charges.

MATT: So 3d6.

TALIESIN: Okay, that’ll do.

LAURA: (quietly) Your girlfriend’s on the ground unconscious, and you’re worried about some little–

LIAM: Shush!

TALIESIN: Ten points.

LIAM: I’m there, you’re there.

MATT: Ten points. All righty.

LIAM: 80 feet apart.

MATT: Ten points of damage to Kynan.

LAURA: Your girlfriend’s on the ground.

LIAM: It’s not your turn!

MATT: And Kynan is stunned for the round.

LIAM: If you want to save her on your action, go for it.

MATT: I also need you to roll another d20.

TALIESIN: Oh, for that?

MATT: Just roll another d20.

TALIESIN: 11.

MATT: 11? Okay. Diplomacy shorts out and is probably going to need to be repaired.

TALIESIN: That’s fine. He’s stunned?

MATT: He’s like (grunt). The electricity hit. He’s currently shocked. He’s going to be stunned– he can’t do anything for the next round.

TALIESIN: Okay. Am I close enough– in theory, I wanted to be touching distance to Keyleth?

MATT: Yes, you are.

TALIESIN: Can I use a bonus to feed her a potion, or is that a full action?

MATT: To feed somebody a potion? That’s a full action.

TALIESIN: (high voice) All right, next round.

MATT: Yourself is a bonus. But that requires you to pull it out, grab someone, open their mouth, pull off the cork, pour it down, and make sure they swallow it.

TALIESIN: Okay, that’s fine. For the rest of my action, I’m going to, after that, two slashes with the sword to finish it up, and then hop down.

MATT: Go for it. Go for it.

TALIESIN: Do I have advantage because he’s fucked at the moment?

MATT: Oh yeah, no. He is stunned, so attacks have advantage.

TALIESIN: Okay, so let’s do two little slashes.

MATT: Technically, it’s incapacitated–

TALIESIN: Natural 20!

MATT: Well they’re both crits.

TALIESIN: Oh.

MARISHA: Because he’s stunned?

TALIESIN: Because he’s stunned.

MATT: Yeah, because they’re melee.

TALIESIN: Oh, and so I’m going to roll crit damage. That’s funny.

MARISHA: Wait, are you whaling on this kid?

TALIESIN: I’m going to whale on this fucking kid, because no, we do not have time for niceties. So that’s 4d8.

TRAVIS: Try and leave something that resembles baby food.

TALIESIN: Maybe. (counting)

MATT: Double dice, then add bonus.

TALIESIN: Yeah. 34 points of damage.

MATT: 34 on the first strike?

TALIESIN: No, that’s 34 total.

MATT: Total? Okay. 34 points of damage. As you (swish) and start carving up the currently paralyzed man, the armor separating with each slash, the red crimson beginning to pour from the wounds, the eyes are quivering in fear.

TALIESIN: I’m going to then hop down next to her and on that side of her so that I can deal with that.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: Ends Percy’s turn. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: Can I stand up, please?

MATT: Yep. You still have 25 feet of movement if you want it.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit. Who’s down in the crevasse down there?

MATT: That’s the goliath.

TRAVIS: Who’s the other one in the crevasse?

MATT: That is Vax'ildan.

TRAVIS: Oh. Can I slide down to the goliath?

MATT: You can.

TRAVIS: (rock slide noise) Six points of damage?

MATT: If you slide down to meet her, with that kind of force, you will take seven points of piercing damage reduced to three.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: So that’s three points of piercing damage. You (sliding noise) down to the bottom.

TRAVIS: Can I make– is she prone?

MATT: She is prone, yes.

TRAVIS: Do I get advantage on that anyway, then?

MATT: You do.

TRAVIS: Can I make it great weapon master, please?

MATT: You may.

TRAVIS: Thank you. (quietly) I won’t need it. That’s even better. (counting) 32. No, minus five. 28.

MATT: 28.

TALIESIN: Can I pop in a bonus action? I meant to take a potion anyway.

SAM: For himself.

TALIESIN: For myself.

MATT: Sure.

TALIESIN: Thank you. What’s a regular at?

MATT: Regular is 1d4 plus– no, 2d4 plus two. Sorry.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: So Grog.

TRAVIS: 32 points of damage on the first one with the great weapon master, five of which is necrotic. 32 on the first one.

MATT: Yep.

SAM: That goliath is dead.

TRAVIS: (chuckles) Yeah. That’s a 28– uh, 23.

MATT: You slam that axe down once into her chest. She (pained yell) gives out air and grabs the blade to try and pull it out from the wound. You put your boot down on her face and push her away, pull the axe up. How do you want to finish her off?

MARISHA: Ooh!

MATT: How do you want to do this?

TRAVIS: Man, doesn’t it suck when you don’t even get one fucking hit in on this fight?

(laughter, groans)

TRAVIS: And I’m going to bring it down clean on the forehead because I would like to see what her brain looks like.

(noises of disgust)

MATT: (slash sound) It’s purplish and gray. Given the force of the impact and the scattering of the top of the head against the stone and glass, yeah, she is no more. The body goes limp, and as you realize, your foot on her pushing her down, you’re actually pushing the glass shards through her body that are underneath her, and you see them begin to pierce through her armor plating.

TRAVIS: I’ll give her a little extra (grunt) shove.

MATT: (slash) There you go.

TRAVIS: I have one extra attack, but I will–

LAURA: Ooh, can you get– oh no, that’s too far away.

TRAVIS: Nah. You know what, I’m good– no, 25 feet. I probably can’t climb out of there, right?

MATT: Slid down there. I could give you an athletics check to try and climb out, but you will just barely get out. You won’t get your full movement.

TRAVIS: Let’s try it.

MATT: With advantage, because you’re raging.

TALIESIN: I’m having a heart attack right now.

TRAVIS: 20.

MATT: You rage-climb to the edge.

SAM: Rage-climb!

TRAVIS: (snarling, growling, breathing heavily)

MATT: End of your turn?

TRAVIS: That’s it.

MATT: All righty. Reverse Gravity fucked up everything a little.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it did.

MARISHA: I’m not going to die to this bitch.

TALIESIN: Nope.

SAM: That goliath went on quite the ride. Down the crevasse, up 100 feet, down, down again.

TALIESIN: She should write a book.

MATT: Ripley appears at the edge of the crevasse. She glances about and sees the state of her party and goes (groans) and then peers off in your direction. All right. She is going to go ahead and–

TALIESIN: She’s got a broken gun right now.

MATT: Well, she can take a bonus action to go ahead and attempt to repair it.

TALIESIN: Can she repair on a bonus?

LIAM: DM says what?

MATT: Well, no. For this, this would be–

TALIESIN: It’s an action. It’s a full action to repair.

MATT: –an action to do it, yeah.

TALIESIN: An action to repair.

MATT: That’s true.

TALIESIN: Ha!

(laughter)

MATT: That’s a success. So she repairs it with her action.

TALIESIN: But she can’t fire unless she has a–

MATT: An action surge?

TALIESIN: Fuck! I shouldn’t have even said my god damn– god damn it!

MATT: Oh no, it’s on the list. Don’t worry.

TALIESIN: All right. This is meant to punish me for everything I’ve ever done. I’m well aware that this is punishment.

MATT: The first strike, she has two more grit points. She’s going to spend one to do a violent shot on you.

TALIESIN: God damn it.

MATT: That is a 25? 25.

TALIESIN: That’s a 25?

MATT: 25, yeah. It wasn’t a very high roll.

LAURA: Are you still ducking behind the tree?

TALIESIN: I am still ducking behind the tree, but that still hits.

MATT: All right, so that’s a violent shot on that. She’s going to spend another grit point to do– well, let’s do that attack first. So that is 2d10. (counting)

SAM: Oh, boy.

TALIESIN: That’s too much math happening over here.

MATT: 25 points.

TALIESIN: How many?

MATT: 25 points of piercing damage with two points psychic.

TALIESIN: 25 points of piercing damage? I’m going to have to try and catch that because it’s going to fucking knock me out, so I’m going to attempt to snare that bullet.

MATT: How often can you snare ranged stuff?

TALIESIN: It snares all ranged.

MATT: No, but I’m trying to see how many times you can use that.

TALIESIN: I can do it once a round.

MATT: Every turn as a reaction?

TALIESIN: Yeah, it’s a reaction.

MATT: That’s pretty cool. All right, go for it. Just want to make sure.

TALIESIN: (groan of frustration) I snare eight points of damage off of that, so that’s– how many points is that?

MATT: So it was 25 plus two, 27, so 19.

MARISHA: You’re still alive. It was enough to keep you al– oh my god, man!

LAURA: Is he still alive?

SAM: (whispering) One point!

LAURA: Oh, jeez! Oh my god!

TRAVIS: Now you’re doing the one-eyed blinky-wink.

MATT: Plus two points of necrotic damage from Hex.

MARISHA: No, no, no!

SAM: (poink, power down sound)

TALIESIN: I’m not going to fall. Wait, uh.

MARISHA: I spent a 6th-level spell to keep you alive, man!

MATT: What are you at?

TALIESIN: Necklace?

MATT: For this, you are unconscious. Let me see this real fast.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: You’ll see if it has a perk.

TALIESIN: I’m happy either way. Shit.

MATT: No, that does not affect you at this time.

TALIESIN: Okay, just checking. That’s fine. Shit. Okay.

TRAVIS: You taking a knee?

MATT: Okay. So are you unconscious?

TALIESIN: I am unconscious.

LAURA: (quietly) Oh my god.

MATT: You hit the ground. As you fall, the shadow around Ripley flares and you hear a voice go, “Yes!” She aims and takes another shot at you.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: (gasps)

TRAVIS: Shit, that’s hard.

MATT: Yeah, that hits. You lose a death saving throw.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Third shot at you. Second death saving throw.

TALIESIN: Okay.

SAM: (muffled, laughing) Oh my god.

MATT: She shouts over her shoulder, “Finish him!” And… she doesn’t vanish. There’s a shimmer, and she goes, “Ugh! Curses!” And runs (counting) 30 that way. Actually, not quite. Right there. She shouts over her shoulder, “Finish him!” This one over here, looking over to the side, goes and takes aim.

TALIESIN: Is it his turn next?

MATT: Yeah. The gunners go next.

TALIESIN: God damn it. Take it. Currently, I do have some AC because I have some cover.

MATT: Correct, and technically it is–

TALIESIN: I don’t know why I’m arguing with this, because I’m amused by this entire process at the moment.

MATT: This is with the pistol. (gunshot) Takes a shot. The third bullet (rushing bullet) sinks into Percy’s form, and the breath fades to stillness. The necklace (breaking glass) shatters around your neck, the one that Pike gave you, and a sudden burst of divine energy fills your body, and you’re restored to one hit point.

(gasping and exclaiming)

TRAVIS: Are you serious?

LAURA: Pike, saving the day when she’s not even here!

MARISHA: She’s not even here!

SAM: What?!

TRAVIS: Dude, that was it! That was–

MARISHA: When did she fucking give you that, man?

LAURA: Before she left! Before she left.

MATT: She pulled it from under her bed.

TRAVIS: All I’m hearing is Jon Bon Jovi Living On A Prayer.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

SAM: Fucking what? You just died, motherfucker!

MATT: And yeah, that’s going to go ahead and end the gunner’s turn. Vex, you’re up.

LIAM: Kill, Grog. Kill, Grog.

TRAVIS: I’m so far away.

LAURA: Where was Scanlan on the initiative order? Is he before me, or would he go after me?

MATT: Scanlan goes far after you.

LAURA: I’m going to run up to Scanlan, and I’m going to cast Cure fucking Wounds with my shit-ass healing at level four. So that’s 4d8 plus four.

SAM: (incredulously) 4d8 plus four?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: That’s a significant spell.

LAURA: That’s not bad.

TALIESIN: My grit doesn’t restore from– none of my stuff restores from death, does it?

LIAM: Oh, stop asking for anything.

TALIESIN: I am desperate, because we are still so fucked!

LAURA: 28 hit points.

SAM: Shit, yeah!

LAURA: Can I do anything else after I’ve done that? I can’t shoot any arrows after I’ve healed him, can I? Do I get one arrow?

MATT: No, because it has to be– as you get two attacks. It’s either you attack or you do something else, so no.

LAURA: Okay. Then I’m going to, I guess, I’m going to run back behind the tree because I’m a loser.

MATT: You do take– that is your movement to get there and back. You aren’t taking slow steps. That’s going to be six points of piercing damage, running across the glass.

LAURA: Jeez Louise. Okay.

MATT: All right. End of your turn? Vax, you’re up.

LAURA: Wait, wait. For my bonus action, I’m going to cast Hex, I mean, not Hex, Hunter’s Mark on Ripley.

MATT: On Ripley? Let’s do it. She is hunter marked.

LIAM: I want to start moving toward my friends. How far can I get toward Keyleth and Kynan and Trinket on my movement?

MATT: I need you to make an athletics check.

LIAM: Athletics, you said? Seven.

MATT: You can’t get out of the crevasse. You try climbing and the rock’s breaking away.

LIAM: On my movement? What happens with my dash and my action?

MATT: Make another attempt.

LIAM: I’ll do it again. Fucking A. Nine.

MATT: You get almost to the edge and the glass breaks. You slide back down into the crevasse.

LIAM: Again. Natural 20.

MATT: You climb up to the edge. (panting) That’s your turn, but you’re out of the crater.

LIAM: I’m going to shout: Kynan, you have a heart! Think of Emon! What are you doing? It’s not too late!

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

LIAM: 17. No, sorry, 19.

MATT: 19. Okay. That ends Vax’s turn. Keyleth? I need you to make a death saving throw.

MARISHA: 11.

MATT: 11, okay.

TALIESIN: You have a success!

MATT: All right, it is now Kynan’s turn. Kynan is stunned. The stun wears off at the end, but Kynan is left there breathing heavy, looking down at the two bleeding bodies before him. One that is, eyes flash open on the ground, and Keyleth currently face down in the dirt, with a little puddle of blood around the corner of her mouth. At the end of Kynan’s turn, Scanlan, you are conscious, but you are prone on the ground right now.

SAM: Ahh, what a crazy dream. Nope, it’s real.

TALIESIN: Anything would be helpful right now.

LAURA: Scanlan! I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want!

SAM: Well, tell me what you want, what you really really want!

LAURA: I want-uh, I want-uh, I want-uh, I want to go fuck them up!

SAM: All right. I run over to Keyleth.

MATT: That’s half your movement. You can move that far, and you take two points of piercing damage.

SAM: Yeah, sure. I’ll Healing Word at level two to get her back to life.

MATT: Okay, that’s a bonus action. So that’s 2d4 plus six.

SAM: 2d4 plus six is ten. No, 12.

MATT: All right, you come to consciousness.

SAM: I turn to fuck-nuts over there and I’ll send a Fireball to kill the fucking gunner.

MATT: Okay, what’s the range of the fireball?

SAM: It’s 150.

MATT: Yes, that’ll do. She, with a roll of a natural 17 plus, disadvantage on the dex. Oh no, because you were unconscious, the hex is gone. You probably would have lost concentration anyway, but it’s fine.

SAM: Oh, and I’ll do three charges, so it’s 10d6.

MATT: Okay, 10d6, all right. So yeah, she makes her save on that. The gunner does not. The gunner does not survive this no matter what you roll. The gunner is a crispy pile of ash thrown toward the back of– go ahead and roll 10d6 damage.

SAM: 27. Not very good.

MATT: 27, halved to 13. The cloak flashes a bright blue underneath and it seems almost like some of the fire pulls into the cloak. It begins to glow with this pulsing charge. She takes even less damage than you expected. She takes some damage. You can now see this crackle across the cloak. All right. That’s your turn. As the lightning’s crackling around her, she goes, “Well, sometimes you have to rely on those that prove worthy.” The shadow that’s around her shoulders leaps off. You watch as Orthax now appears next to her. The shadow is still connecting them. You watch as this long stretch of shadow curls across and attaches to her leg. They’re still bound by this tether of darkness but, nevertheless, they are both together on the field. Let’s see. Orthax is going to go ahead and (whooshing) there, and is going to go ahead and look toward you and go, “You will be my quarry now, big man.” You are currently hit with the mark of vengeance.

TRAVIS: Is that a charm?

MATT: Nope! You are just marked.

TRAVIS: I’m marked. With vengeance?

MATT: The form is in a bad place right now. He’s there, out of desperation, but there is sunlight coming down from the sky and you can see it’s hurting its presence but, once again, in a desperate place. All right, up to the top. Percy.

TALIESIN: Oh good, you’re awake.

MARISHA: (yelling) Fuck!

TALIESIN: I look at our little friend up there. I get up a bit. I look at him. Just run! I pull out my gun and I take the two shots, with the reload that I’m allotted, at Ripley.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: So, oh thank god it’s the Retort pistol, because that would have been really poor. That’s a 29 to hit, and 15.

MATT: 29 hits, 15 does not.

TALIESIN: Okay, that’s fine. That’s 13 points of piercing damage.

MATT: You see the flash of smoke off her shoulder at the impact. You see her hair that’s pulled up has now fallen in her face now, covering part of her in the front, where a little bit of blood curls at the corner of her mouth.

TALIESIN: I doubt he’ll do well without her! I try and take cover. I’m going to pull as much cover as I possibly can and take a defensive stance. Oh, and I’m going to slug a healing potion for my bonus, thank you. I meant to do that, I was literally thinking that. That’s the greater, which is 4d4 plus four. Yeah, go on, I’m fine. I’ve got so much coffee in me. Okay, I’m, yeah, that’s so sad. All right.

MATT: That ends your turn? Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: I have one question. If I wanted to try and double my speed or whatever, get around Orthax to Ripley, would I still be able to hit her at all, or would I have to burn all my attacks to get to her?

MATT: You would have to use an action to dash. Well, no, it’s an action to do two attacks, so you may– let me double check really fast here. As part of your frenzy–

TRAVIS: The frenzy’s the bonus.

MATT: Yeah, which means you get one attack. You would move, you would use your action to move again, and you would have your bonus action to do one hit.

TRAVIS: I grab my earring and I say, Orthax or Ripley?

MARISHA: Aw, fucking Orthax, really? That’s a name I was hoping I wasn’t going to hear again.

TALIESIN: Ripley!

TRAVIS: Can I burn that to get all the way–

MATT: You’ll take an attack of opportunity if you do so. (counting) Yeah, you’d get up right into her face. Her eyes go wide as you approach. Orthax does get an attack of opportunity against you. He has advantage on attacks against a marked creature.

TRAVIS: Plus I did Reckless, so.

LAURA: Do you get to hit him back as you run by, as your reaction?

MATT: That’s a 23 to hit.

TRAVIS: It does hit.

MATT: All right. You take (counting) 18 points– no, I’m sorry. He had advantage on the roll. So that would be 24 points of psychic damage as the claw rakes through your body, missing your corporeal form. It shocks into your system, your brain spiking with pain.

TRAVIS: Do I get Retaliation? Is it a melee attack?

MATT: It’s your reaction to do it, so you could run past and (whack).

TRAVIS: Let’s do that.

MATT: You run. You get raked. You spin with the axe and attempt to slam into it, using the momentum to keep charging forward.

TRAVIS: 26.

MATT: 26 will hit. Roll damage.

TALIESIN: Literally attacking the darkness. This is what DND is all about.

TRAVIS: 27, with five points of necrotic.

MATT: 27? Okay.

TALIESIN: He might laugh off necrotic.

TRAVIS: And I get all the way to Ripley?

MATT: You do, yeah. The Mark gives him advantage on attacks, but the sunlight is giving him disadvantage, so he just gets a single regular roll against you. Anyone else, he’s going to have a harder time, but the Mark is helping him. You get right up to Ripley, gun still in hand, seeing you rush up angrily with your one angry, raging goliath freight train of an individual. What do you want to do?

TRAVIS: Nothing magic here, bitch. I will go reckless, Great Weapon Master at Ripley, please.

SAM: Reckless, Great Weapon Master.

LIAM: I don’t know what it means, but it sounds good.

SAM: It sounds great.

TRAVIS: 28.

MATT: 28? That hits.

TRAVIS: Why am I not always doing Great Weapon Master? What the fuck is the matter with me? 28, with a point of necrotic.

MATT: A little bit of blood spatters across the ground near her. She takes the wound and shrinks away a bit, clutching her chest.

TRAVIS: What, the cloak not helping you with that one?

MATT: Nice. That end your turn? It’s now her turn. First, she’s going to use her bonus action to use her Second Wind.

TALIESIN: She gets to heal.

SAM: She gets to fart twice, right in front of you.

TRAVIS: What is that beautiful fragrance you’re wearing?

MATT: She is not attacking you in melee. Seeing you in her face, she’s like, “You’re next.” Leans over and is going to fire at you, Percy.

TALIESIN: Can she make a ranged attack while she’s–

MATT: Yeah. She’s in melee.

TALIESIN: I feel like I’m learning things here.

MATT: Well no, actually, you used your reaction to hit Orthax, so she can move away from you without getting an attack of opportunity. She does take six points of damage from the run, but that gives her a better angle on you. She’s going to use her–

TALIESIN: She’s out of grit.

MATT: No, she has one more grit point.

SAM: She’s better than you, Percy.

MATT: No, I think you’re right. She did. She has one more attack.

MARISHA: You’re like the Olympian judging the newer Olympian.

TALIESIN: I’ve had to deal with this shit so much.

MATT: 21?

TALIESIN: That does not– oh, do I still have some cover?

MATT: With the cover, yeah.

TALIESIN: With the cover, does not hit.

MATT: Right. Natural 20, which gives her a grit point back.

TALIESIN: Yes, it does.

TRAVIS: Wow, of all the things to roll.

TALIESIN: I had that coming.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you did. You had that coming more than anybody.

MARISHA: I just broke my glass by biting into it.

MATT: 17 points of piercing damage and four points of psychic damage.

TALIESIN: Has she not lost her– is the psychic damage attached?

MATT: The psychic damage is a thing you don’t know.

TALIESIN: Oh, a thing I don’t know, so it’s just a thing. I’m going to try and catch it, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m trying to find the die for that, which seems to have vanished. There we are. 17 points? All right, let’s see what this does. Okay, so that’s down to nine points. Okay. So is it 17 total?

MATT: It’s 17 points of piercing damage plus four points psychic.

TALIESIN: Okay, so that’s nine plus four, so that’s 13 points. I am still standing. I am Rasputin here. This is getting ugly.

MATT: Third and final shot.

LAURA: Oh god, she gets to shoot again! Misfire!

MATT: Nope. That is a 26 to hit.

TALIESIN: That hits.

MATT: You take 11 points of piercing damage plus four psychic.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, no, I’m out again. But she’s out of shots.

SAM: Pike’s necklace goes, meh?

MATT: (zap) All right.

MARISHA: She’s out? She’s gone?

MATT: She vanished. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Do I sense her with my Hunter’s Mark?

TRAVIS: Are you fucking kidding me?!

TALIESIN: But she ran her full movement, didn’t she?

MATT: She did move her full movement, yeah.

MARISHA: But she’s got fancy things.

LAURA: I want to try to shoot where she was.

MATT: Okay, go for it. Roll for two attacks.

LAURA: I just want to shoot one where she was.

MATT: First attack?

LAURA: 19.

MATT: 19? Seems to pass through. What are you going to do?

LAURA: Fuck. I’m going to shoot at Orthax.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

LAURA: Natural one.

MATT: The arrow goes high over the tree line and disappears in the distant jungle.

LAURA: Sweet. Tight. I’m going to get on my damn broom, and I’m going to get up to the top of the tree that I’m at right now.

SAM: That is a bold, scaredy-cat move.

LAURA: I’m doing it so I don’t have to take a point of damage every step I take.

MATT: You get up to the top of your tree right here, up above the tree, looking down into this open area. That ends your turn? Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: Where’s Kynan at?

MATT: Kynan’s over here on top of the tree.

LIAM: Is he out, or is he just standing there?

MATT: He just got out of being stunned at being shocked with Diplomacy.

LIAM: I’m going to use my movement to get to Percival. Close enough. I’ll use my bonus action to get all the way, and I’ll cast Lay on Hands with my action to get him on his feet again. Five hit points.

TALIESIN: Oh, this is getting uncomfortable!

LIAM: Kynan.

LAURA: Kynan!

SAM: Just kill him!

LIAM: You’re all right.

MATT: Persuasion roll.

LIAM: Balls. No, not bad, because I’m a rogue. 17.

MATT: All right, good to know. That ends your turn. Keyleth.

MARISHA: Okay, so I’m waking up, and the first thing I heard was Grog saying, “Orthax or Ripley?” Correct? Fucking gods! And I’m going to throw down a Daylight spell on the nipple. The crevasse nipple on stage right. My stage right. Daylight on nipple, stage right!

MATT: You’re in daylight. Adding Daylight isn’t going to make a huge difference in daylight.

MARISHA: But I thought Orthax is a shadow fiend, right?

MATT: Yeah, and he’s currently in sunlight.

MARISHA: And he’s having a hard time? I thought we’re under tree cover, no?

MATT: No, there’s no tree cover. All the trees got blown out of this area from the explosion, so adding Daylight would just make daylight in daylight. MARISHA: I have burned through everything that’s nice like that. Okay, never mind. I’m going to get up and I’m going–

SAM: Elemental!

MARISHA: I can’t do that. I’m done. I’m going to–

TRAVIS: Use your staff!

MARISHA: Fuck it. Percy, kill them! And I’m going to Cure Wounds at level three. Fucking kill her! This is your post-traumatic stress that we’re dealing with here!

TALIESIN: I’m sorry my issues have guns.

MARISHA: It’s 3d8 plus ten. Yeah, 22. Fucking kill her! And then I’ll actually take a bonus action to do a Healing Word on myself at level one

TRAVIS: Is the tether between he and Ripley physical?

MATT: You don’t know; you haven’t messed with it, and right now you see the tether reaches out and then dissipates, fades. It’s still facing this direction. It’s just faded. All right, end of your turn, Keyleth?

MARISHA: Yeah. I’m still coughing up blood in the fetal position, trying to keep Percy alive.

MATT: All right. Kynan steps off the back of the log, out of sight. There’s a small gap beneath the log where Kynan comes out from underneath, as you finish the healing spell, and takes the blade and jams it right into your back. Tries to, at least. That is 23.

MARISHA: To hit me? Yeah.

TALIESIN: God fucking damn it.

TRAVIS: That seals it, buddy.

LAURA: Your little project just killed your girlfriend.

TRAVIS: Did you go unconscious?

MARISHA: We’ll see. Probably, though.

MATT: (adding) 26 points of damage.

LAURA: Is that sneak attack?

MATT: He jumped over the top, hid, and then came underneath and got her. As soon as he sees you fall, he pulls the blade out and drops it to the ground and goes, “I’m sorry!” and falls to his knees and starts shaking in place.

TRAVIS: I’ll leave that up to your discretion.

MATT: That’s going to end his turn. Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: I look at Keyleth, and I fucking heal her.

(laughter)

LIAM: It’s like, heal! Boom! Heal! Boom! Heal! Boom!

TALIESIN: Has anyone else ever been to a horse tranquilizer party? Because it’s like that. And Epipen! Except you can’t afford to do them anymore, sadly.

LAURA: Are you unconscious, too?

TALIESIN: I’m awake again. I was, but now I am awake.

SAM: I will level-one Healing Word, bonus action. Nine. You’re at nine.

MARISHA: I don’t like being unconscious! Okay, keep going.

SAM: Someone’s got to do this, and it can’t just be Grog. I’m going to Dimension Door over right next to Grog. Yep. Toward Ripley’s side. Yeah, then I’m going to use the rest of my movement to move around, 25 feet, and go like this. Looking for Ripley.

MATT: Take five points of piercing damage running across the glass. You start waving your hands freely.

LAURA: Use your sword to do it!

SAM: Sure, whatever.

MATT: As you swing it around and you’re moving around, nothing.

LAURA: Maybe she goes into another dimension or something.

MARISHA: This is the worst game of Minesweeper.

MATT: Now Orthax is going to Dimension Door.

LIAM: Hey, everybody wake up!

LAURA: Orthax just bamfed!

MATT: And then would move over there. Yeah, no, because he can jump through shadow.

SAM: As a smoke monster, wouldn’t he hurt his feetsies on the glass?

LAURA: There’s shadow? What shadow is he using?

TALIESIN: A moon shadow.

LAURA: I don’t see any shadows.

MATT: He’s going to use his rampage pulse.

SAM: That sounds like an awesome band name.

LAURA: Are we really all going to die today?

MARISHA: I know. Your inner insecurities cannot be the cause of Vox Machina’s death.

TALIESIN: I’m aware.

SAM: Taliesin, we are being killed by a metaphor right now.

TALIESIN: Aren’t we always?

MATT: So I need Vax, Percy, Keyleth, and Kynan to all make a wisdom saving throw.

(groaning)

LAURA: I like how everybody’s like, I am really not wise.

TALIESIN: I’m rerolling that. Seven.

MARISHA: 30 total.

MATT: All right. Percy, you take ten points of psychic damage. Still conscious, though, right? Vax, you also take ten points of psychic damage. Kynan actually does make his save, strangely. Really high roll. However, Percy, as you feel the rampage pulse hit you, your eyes go red, and suddenly you’re surrounded by shadow entirely. You pull the gun over, and you fire at something that’s nearby. I need you to make a single pistol attack, with disadvantage, against Keyleth.

TALIESIN: With disadvantage? Wow, this is here to hurt me. Let’s pistol shot with disadvantage. Three, so 16.

MARISHA: Misses.

MATT: Strikes the wood and splinters off. Vax, I need you to make a dagger attack against Percy.

LIAM: That is a 17.

TALIESIN: Misses!

MATT: What did you roll?

LIAM: I rolled a six, plus 11, is 17.

MATT: Percy is, however, prone, so you have advantage on the attack.

LIAM: That hits. That is a 28.

MATT: It’s not a sneak attack.

LIAM: Okay, whatever you say, boss. That is a seven.

MATT: Seven points of damage to you. That ends Orthax’s turn.

LIAM: This is a shitshow, man.

MATT: Percival, you’re up.

TALIESIN: Oh my god. I’m going to climb. Can I stand up and climb on top of the– he doesn’t have an attack of opportunity against me. Where he is right now?

MATT: You’ll find out.

TALIESIN: I’m going to stand up, and I’m going to ignore him. I’m going to hold my attack until I see her. The second I see her, I’m going to attack. Then as a fucking bonus action, I’m going to drink my last potion. A regular.

MATT: 2d4 plus two.

LAURA: We need a cleric! We need a cleric with us all the time!

LIAM: Ash-o-lee!

MATT: Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: Right now? Oh, it’s my turn. Can I join Scanlan in the most Stevie Wonder search ever, with my bloodaxe being my stick?

TALIESIN: You can hold your attack until she appears again.

TRAVIS: All right, I’ll move over to where I am and hold my attack and hope I bump into something along the way. I’ve got persistent rage, so I don’t lose my rage.

MATT: Good to know. All right, at the end of your turn, (zap) she appears over there.

MARISHA: Wait, did he find her?

MATT: Her turn came about. Two of you have actions that have been held. Percy and Grog.

TRAVIS: Reckless.

MATT: You’re not within range to enter melee, so you can do one Chain of Returning throw attack.

TRAVIS: The chain is magic.

MATT: Or throw the axe and let it sit there.

LAURA: Are you sure it’s magic? Are you sure it’s just not a chain that he gave you?

TRAVIS: It’s magic.

TALIESIN: The returning was inside you all along.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m going to attach the chain and throw it. Reckless, Great Weapon Master. All right. Which one? All right, Gil. There’s only one that could beat that one. So that’s a 32 minus five. 28.

MATT: That’ll hit.

LAURA: You keep rolling that high.

TRAVIS: I know. Fucker. 16, 18, 28. 28 with two points of necrotic.

MATT: 28 points of damage. (impact) It slams into her, and the axe slices and carves off part of her arm, the giant shadow claw that she still has on the other side clutching the weapon. She angrily looks over her shoulder. “Shit!” That’s your turn?

TRAVIS: I yank it back.

MATT: You can on your next turn.

TRAVIS: Got it.

TALIESIN: Sharpshooter shot, Retort. Misses. 12.

MATT: 12, no.

TALIESIN: Sharpshooter shot, Retort. 20.

MATT: 20. That would hit, but she uses her reaction to use another Shield. The bullet is deflected off an arcane shield on this side. She’s like, axe off Grog, deflects the bullet this side. She is cornered and trying the best she can to get through this.

TALIESIN: (sighs) That’s all I got, because I burned a shot attacking Keyleth, so I have to reload. (sighs) Yeah, I’m going to stare at her and the best thing I’m going to do is: No matter what today, I forgive you, but I cannot let you leave. And I’m going to sit and reload.

MATT: Okay. She is going to use her first attack to reload her pepperbox. Let’s see here… Okay. She is going to look over with her clawed hand. Actually, no. She doesn’t reload. I’m sorry, she has that back. As opposed to reloading, she looks at her weapon, puts it in her off hand, takes her clawed hand and points a finger over in your direction and releases a single beam of red energy that detonates there in the center of the–

SAM: I will Counterspell that at level six.

TALIESIN: Bless you.

LAURA: Yes. Scanlan.

TALIESIN: Scanlan for the win.

LAURA: Clutch.

MATT: (laughs) Okay, at level six. I believe that’s a 3rd-level spell.

SAM: A 3rd-level spell? It’s gone.

MATT: Yeah, it’s gone. Yeah, boom. She’s not that powerful of a mage. Multiclass doesn’t go that far in a wizard.

TRAVIS: What was that?

MATT: It was a Fireball. She goes to release it, and you shout out towards it.

SAM: I shout out: (singing) Anna-anna, bo-bana, banana fana fo-fana, hey fi-fo-mana. Fuck you!

(laughter)

MATT: She’s going to move. She’s going to take six points of piercing damage and (zap).

TRAVIS: Goddamn it!

TALIESIN: How can she still do that?

MATT: It’s an effect that you are unfamiliar with.

LIAM: Vestige.

MARISHA: An effect that you are unfamiliar– what the shit, man.

MATT: Now that you’ve been up close and seen the effect, roll an arcana check.

SAM: Me?

MATT: Yeah. Bard of many things.

LAURA: Please roll high.

SAM: 22.

MATT: 22. You haven’t really seen the spell done, but you’ve heard in your travels, there are certain mages, certain not-too-powerful magics that essentially cause individuals to occasionally blink into another dimension briefly and then come back out.

SAM: I’ve heard of them.

MATT: That ends her turn. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Right after she disappears.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Great. I guess I will shoot at Orthax.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Yeah, I’m going to try to Bramble Shot him.

MATT: Sure, go for it.

LAURA: Okay. 31.

MATT: 31. That hits.

LIAM: Like water splashed on a cat.

TALIESIN: Oh shit, I burned that trying to make that thing.

LAURA: Do I add anything to that damage? Or is that just 4d8 piercing?

MATT: It’s 4d8 piercing, and you would probably add your additional lightning damage.

LAURA: So 16 with three lightning, and then he has to do a strength save or be restrained.

MATT: Strength save. That is 19.

LAURA: He is not restrained. I’m going to use my second attack.

MATT: Okay, so the brambles reach up out of the arrow and wrap around him, all the thorns constricting and tearing into him. Actually, he– no, he doesn’t have disadvantage on saving throws, just on his perception and attack rolls. So yeah, he does break free and all the brambles shatter and break off around him. You go for your second attack, which is?

LAURA: 31.

MATT: 31 hits. Roll damage. Down to the wire. Clutch Counterspell, man.

LAURA: 18.

MATT: 18 damage, nice.

LIAM: That is insane.

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: All righty, so that ends Vex’s turn. Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: I’m conscious. I’m going to use people being around Orthax and stab him a couple of times.

MATT: There’s nobody currently in melee or someone who is up against him, because you backed away from him. When you got up, you were still–

TALIESIN: No, I decided not to back away.

MATT: No, when you got up, that’s the space you were taking. You’re still within melee. He has a ten-foot reach.

MARISHA: I stood up, too, to cast– what was it that I cast last?

TALIESIN: Heal. No, wait, something.

MARISHA: No.

TALIESIN: The wine was a poor choice. It was a good wine, but it was a poor choice.

SAM: You cast Heal on Percy last. That was the last thing you did.

MARISHA: No, that was a long time ago.

SAM: You used Healing Word.

MARISHA: Oh, I did cast Healing Word. Yes, I cast Cure Wounds and heal, so I’m up.

MATT: You would have been up, but you’re still out of melee of him.

MARISHA: Am I? Fuck. All right, keep going.

MATT: Or out of your own melee.

MARISHA: That’s fine.

LIAM: Then can I go three squares north to the edge and hold my attack until someone steps up?

MATT: Sure. You are still in his melee range, by the way.

LIAM: Within melee range?

MATT: He has a ten-foot reach.

LIAM: Then I will continue along the edge to that pointy crack in the ground so I’m out of range.

MATT: Right there? That will get you out of his melee range, but he will get an attack of opportunity on you.

LIAM: That’s all right.

MATT: All right. He will take his attack of opportunity on you.

LIAM: At disadvantage.

MATT: Yes. At disadvantage, also because of the sunlight. So that’s 25 and 19.

LIAM: Misses.

MATT: You duck underneath. All right, finishing Vax’s turn. Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: Oh shit. I’m up, okay.

SAM: You’re alive for once.

MARISHA: I’m fucking alive. Running out of options here. Ripley’s not on the board or anything, right? We only have Orthax in front of us, and he’s all that’s left?

TALIESIN: Until we hold and we wait for her to appear again, which she will inevitably will.

MARISHA: Wow, this isn’t good at all. Wow, cool. All I have left is a Thunderwave.

SAM: Yeah, that’s fun. Do that.

MARISHA: So in a fit of fight or flight–

SAM: Wait. No.

MARISHA: What?

LIAM: No, go.

MARISHA: That’s all I’ve got. In a fit of fight or flight, as I’m standing up, I smack down on the ground and hit a Thunderwave around me, because that’s all I have.

MATT: A 15-foot cube you can do right there and not hit any of your party members, and it’ll hit Orthax.

MARISHA: It’ll hit who? Vex?

LAURA: No, Orthax.

MARISHA: Only Orthax? Cool.

MATT: Has a constitution saving throw. 16.

MARISHA: No, fail.

MATT: So 2d8 thunder damage, go ahead and roll that, and it’s pushed ten feet away from you.

MARISHA: Ooh, 11 damage. No, sorry, ten damage.

MATT: Ten points of thunder damage, reduced by half because of his resistances, so he takes five. All righty. It blasts him back. Orthax (growls).

MARISHA: I stand up, and as a reaction, I’m going to cast Healing Word on myself once again at first level.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

MARISHA: I heal eight points.

MATT: Kynan is still on the ground, wrestling with the whole circumstance. Okay. Kynan looks up at Keyleth standing up, after stabbing her and watching her fall; seems to be really noticing the tide turning. Looking up toward you–

MARISHA: I look at him, and I stare daggers into him and shake my head and wipe the blood off my mouth.

MATT: “Sorry.” He grabs the dagger from the ground–

LIAM: Is she next to him?

MARISHA: No, he’s going to kill me.

LIAM: Right next to her?

MATT: He takes the dagger, rears back with it, and flings it to the side toward Orthax.

(cheering)

MATT: That is 16, which hits him. Just barely, actually! Orthax technically is next to you, so he does get sneak attack. Okay. 23 points of damage to Orthax, and Kynan travels with the blade right next to him. He throws the blade, then vanishes in a puff of smoke, then he appears right where it landed with the blade in his hand.

LAURA: How did he get– oh, that’s Whisper.

LIAM: I’m going to attack now. First one is a 17. Second one is a 28. So first one, with sneak attack damage, is (counting) 38 for the first. And second one is ten. So 48 in total.

MATT: You slam both blades into the side of Orthax, and the form itself, the shadow’s sparking. The sunlight is scarring and pocking the back of this oily surface that is its muscled shoulder. Each blade strike that hits, you can see black shadow pouring out like a small waterfall of pure void. Orthax is like (pained growling). Each damage he takes, his head doesn’t turn, his face still locked in pure hatred and vengeance toward Percival. End of your turn, Vax? Oh yeah, because that was your reaction. Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Can I gingerly walk on the glass?

MATT: You can move three squares and not take any damage.

SAM: Will that be where she was when she disappeared?

MATT: She was right here, around there. You can go there.

SAM: I’m going to go gingerly there, where she was.

MATT: Carefully step away. All right.

SAM: I draw my blade, get it ready to rock, and inspire–

LAURA: Oh! I can’t say anything, can I?

TALIESIN: Sadly.

SAM: I’m going to inspire myself, because I’m a selfish motherfuck.

(laughter)

MATT: You can add an inspiration die to an ability check; you don’t actually inspire yourself.

SAM: You can’t inspire yourself?

MATT: No! You are inspiring to yourself at all times.

SAM: That is true. Well, then I will inspire Grog.

TALIESIN: That’s fair.

TRAVIS: Are you going to talk about how the Redskins lost to the Cowboys this last weekend?

SAM: I’m sorry, who? A Washington team, whose name I dare not say? I’ll inspire you with a dad joke. It’s another cow one.

TRAVIS: Oh, good.

SAM: Why did the cow want to go to Hollywood?

TRAVIS: Why?

SAM: He wanted to be in–

TALIESIN AND MARISHA: Moo-vies!

LAURA: That’s really good. That’s really funny. Just hilarious.

TALIESIN: That’s two moo jokes, I might add.

SAM: I’m ready. I’m holding my action until she reappears.

MATT: Ending your turn, that brings us to Orthax. Orthax, glaring intently, is going to move his Mark of Vengeance as a bonus action to you, Percy.

TRAVIS: What? I am offended.

MATT: He’s going to step forward.

TALIESIN: Attacks of opportunity?

MATT: From Vax, who is not here.

TALIESIN: Vax ran to the bathroom. Also, doesn’t technically the young squire get an attack of opportunity?

MATT: He’s still in melee. Do you want to go ahead and roll an attack for Vax?

SAM: Yes! That would be hilarious!

TALIESIN: I trust you.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: That’s not the dice he rolls for attacks!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: He rolls the spiky fucker.

LAURA: 21.

MATT: That hits. Roll 1d4 plus whatever his bonus to one of his daggers is.

TALIESIN: I hope he kills Orthax and isn’t even here.

LAURA: Ten?

MATT: All right. Ten damage to Orthax. He takes the hit and keeps walking forward, straight toward you. As it walks up, takes both its claws back and unleashes on you, Percy. It would have disadvantage in the sunlight, but the mark gives it advantage, so it’s a basic attack against you. That is 18 plus nine.

TALIESIN: 18 plus nine to hit?! Wow, does that hit. That’s crazy!

MATT: And the other one is a 14 plus nine.

TALIESIN: That’s a 23 to hit. Of course that hits, as well! Just unconscious again.

MATT: So the first hit is 2d8– no, 4d8 because he has advantage on you– no, he doesn’t have advantage!

SAM: You delivered ten points of damage while you were gone.

LIAM: I’m so cool.

TALIESIN: You stealthed that hard.

MATT: 21 points of psychic damage.

TALIESIN: I’m out again.

MATT: You’re out?

MARISHA: Fucking fuck, this is not good, guys.

TALIESIN: It’s a slash attack?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: All right. 21 points.

MATT: Second strike hits you. Two death saving throws.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: It’s a crit within five feet?

MATT: It’s a melee attack within five feet, and you’re unconscious. It’s two death saving throws.

LIAM: Yep. Been there, done that.

MARISHA: Come on, Percy. Big money, no whammies.

MATT: That ends Orthax’s turn. Percy, it’s your turn. Roll a death saving throw.

SAM: Oh shit!

LAURA: Oh no!

MARISHA: Wait, is this it?

TRAVIS: Come on.

LIAM: Golden snitch.

TALIESIN: Ten. I don’t remember!

MATT: I believe that is not a failure.

TRAVIS: I think it’s ten or higher, right? Are you shitting me? You rolled a fucking ten?

MARISHA: It was on the money.

MATT: Yep, ten or higher you succeed!

(screaming)

TALIESIN: Guys, let me say I have the coolest character lined up, but okay.

TRAVIS: Can I see Scanlan prepare for the bamf, and can I move to the other side of the last place I saw her?

MATT: Scanlan is standing where she was last time.

TRAVIS: Okay, can I move opposite of him?

MATT: Over here?

TRAVIS: Maybe a little bit further. Yeah, and turn toward that space, and I’ll hold my action until I see her. Bitch.

MATT: All right, so it is now her turn. She is going to appear right there.

SAM: Stab, stab, stab!

MATT: Just out of reach of both of you.

SAM: Are you fucking kidding me?

MARISHA: What?

MATT: This is a five-foot melee attack, and she’s just out of range of both of you guys.

SAM: I’m throwing my sword!

MARISHA: She’s bamfing, is that what she’s doing?

MATT: When she bamfed out, the axe fell to the ground, and you pulled it back in. Do you make your throw attack?

TRAVIS: Yes! Reckless, great weapon master.

TALIESIN: This will kill me, by the way.

LIAM: Grog! Oh, Grog!

MARISHA: Come on, Grog! Come on!

TRAVIS: That giant number again. That’s 32 minus five. 28. We’re good.

MARISHA: Kill her.

TALIESIN: Everything you’ve got.

MARISHA: Grog, kill her.

TRAVIS: 32.

MATT: 32 points of damage. As she appears, you throw the axe, and it’s a very short distance, so a big amount of your physical strength is put behind it. The axe embeds itself right in her upper abdomen, and she’s like, (groaning). It’s still in her right now, and she’s, “No.”

SAM: I’m throwing my sword.

MATT: You’re going to throw?

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: All right, roll with disadvantage.

SAM: I have advantage on my attack because I just inspired. Mythcarver.

MATT: Mythcarver? Yeah, but you’ll have disadvantage, so it’s your regular attack with no proficiency bonus. You’re not proficient at throwing weapons, so this is a serious penalty.

MARISHA: Can you inspire yourself? Have you done that yet?

TALIESIN: No, he can’t really do it.

MARISHA and LIAM: Tilt!

MATT: What did you roll?

SAM: 13.

MATT: That’s not going to do it. You throw the blade, and it whips past her. As she appears, she takes one step, two steps there past Grog, sees Orthax whaling on the corpse of Percy. “And that’s another name off the list.” And fires.

SAM: Can I do Cutting Words? Has a whole round gone by since my last reaction?

LAURA: It has!

MATT: Yeah, we can get to that. We’ll see what she rolls.

TALIESIN: Wow.

TRAVIS: (laughing) I mean, I don’t know.

TALIESIN: Am I the first one to go?

MARISHA: Shut up!

MATT: You’re technically prone, so she has disadvantage.

TALIESIN: I’m prone, and I’m in shadow.

MATT: So that is a 15– no, 13. 13 plus 14. 27.

TALIESIN: With Cutting Words?

SAM: I’m going to reduce her attack. 27?

MATT: Roll a d10 and reduce her attack by a d10.

TALIESIN: Roll a d10!

MARISHA: You have to roll a ten!

TALIESIN: Well, no. Do I still have my cover bonus? It is a giant mess in there.

SAM: Does he have cover like he did before?

MATT: No, he is prone, and that’s given the disadvantage.

TALIESIN: So you have to roll a ten. This is adorable.

SAM: Why is this on me, guys?! Two.

MATT: Two. The bullet sinks into Percy. You hear the air escape from his lungs as Orthax suddenly flares up with darkness. You watch as the edges of the barrel, some sort of script that was carved on the side of one of the barrels flares away with a purple flash. And it seems like some of Ripley’s wounds heal a little bit. She goes, “Now, it’s time to make an escape.” And she’s going to use a bonus action to Misty Step that way, and vanish.

TRAVIS: Is my axe still in her chest?

MATT: As she runs away, the axe drags a bit behind her because of the chain. As soon as she vanishes, it falls to the ground. That brings us to Vex’s turn.

MARISHA: Are you down? Are you unconscious?

TALIESIN: I’m not unconscious. Technically speaking, that’s three.

MATT: Percy is now devoid of life.

LAURA: Can you do anything as a paladin? Can you do anything?

LIAM: Whose turn is it?

LAURA: It’s my turn. Trinket’s in the necklace. I don’t know. I don’t know what I can do… I think I’ll–

SAM: Kill Orthax.

MARISHA: Kill Orthax. That’s literally your best bet right now.

TALIESIN: Can you do something about this? This is necessary at the moment. Do you have nothing?

MARISHA: Even if I had something, I couldn’t do it.

LAURA: I just scream. I scream, and I start shooting arrows at Orthax.

MATT: Go for it. Roll two attacks.

TALIESIN: Can you do something with that? Okay, never mind, then.

LAURA: Ashley’s asking to bamf in. Would she have felt anything because her necklace went off? That hits him for sure. 15 plus 18.

MARISHA: Ashley’s texting quite a lot right now.

TALIESIN: I’m not looking. I don’t want to look.

LAURA: 21 on the second hit.

MATT: Both hit. Roll damage.

LAURA: 19. Four is lightning damage.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: And 17. One is lightning damage.

MATT: Okay. You going to stay where you are up in the tree?

LAURA: No, I want to fly over closer to Percy on the other side of the tree.

MATT: You fly down this side?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. That ends your turn. Vax, you’re up.

LAURA: And I release Trinket.

MATT: Trinket is currently unconscious in your necklace.

LIAM: I’m going to attack Orthax. He’s got people around him, yeah?

MATT: Currently, yes.

LAURA: Oh, did I get sneak attack on Orthax?

MATT: Yeah, because he’s in melee, so roll a sneak attack on that. 2d6 to that.

LAURA: Eight. Eight more.

MATT: Okay, that’s eight. All righty. Vax?

LIAM: I’m going to use Sharpshooter on this attack.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: That’s a one, so that misses. I’m not going to use Sharpshooter on the next one. That is a 24.

MATT: 24. Roll for sneak attack.

LIAM: (counting) 31.

MATT: 31 damage.

LIAM: And I’m going to use– shit. No, I’m not. Where’s Trinket?

LAURA: He’s in the necklace.

LIAM: In the necklace? I’m going to stay put.

MATT: Okay. Ending Vax’s turn. Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: Oh fuck. Oh Jesus. (groans) How close is Orthax to me?

MATT: Orthax is right in front of you.

MARISHA: Seeing Percy fall, all I have left is Thunderwave, and I’m going to do it at 5th-level because that’s all I have left.

MATT: Okay. Thunderwave. Constitution saving throw. That’s a nine, so that’s a failure. At 5th-level? That’s an additional 4d8, so that’s 6d8 thunder damage.

MARISHA: I rolled all sevens. So seven, 14, 21. Oh shit! What did I say? 21 plus another eight, which is 29, plus another eight, which is 37. Plus another six, which is 43 points of thunder damage.

MATT: As you turn back out of frustration and blast forth this wave of thunderous energy, you watch as Orthax scatters for a second and falls into this small pile of shadow on the ground that is now shifting for some sort of focus, (hissing) around the ground like a slippery snake. Orthax is essentially at zero hit points. That ends Keyleth’s turn. Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: I walk over and pick up my sword slowly.

MATT: Okay. You take five points of piercing damage to go over and get it.

SAM: Even gingerly?

MATT: Gingerly, you can’t quite get to your sword.

SAM: And hold my attack in case maybe she bamfs back.

MATT: You can hold a spell, too, if you want.

SAM: I’m holding a spell.

MATT: What spell are you holding?

SAM: I think she’s resistant to it, but I will hold Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere.

MATT: Okay. All right, that ends your turn. Back up at the top. Grog.

TRAVIS: I go and get my axe, because I’m still raging!

MATT: Okay. You pick up the axe right there where it was on the ground after she vanished.

TRAVIS: And I hold my action in case she comes back.

MATT: Okay. End of your turn, she appears.

TRAVIS: She does?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: I will encapsulate her, or attempt to.

MATT: Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere. All right, dexterity saving throw against a DC of?

SAM: 21, with disadvantage, because I Cutting Words-ed her.

MATT: That’s true. That would be a 16. The sphere encapsulates her. She is now currently bound within the sphere and she looks about suddenly, going, “What? What the heck is going on?!”

SAM: You can curse. It’s okay; you killed one of us. Okay. Everyone gather around her.

LAURA: I’m not leaving Percy.

SAM: I’m going to drop this thing, and we’re all going to fucking kill her together.

MARISHA: No.

LIAM: Yes, we are.

MATT: She stands there and fires at the wall, and it has no effect.

TRAVIS: I have three attacks.

SAM: I slowly walk up to her with the sword in my hand.

LIAM: I’m walking over, as well.

MATT: Okay. Well, first, at the end of her turn, the last round of the Blink spell does not go off.

TRAVIS: The roll didn’t happen?

MATT: Yeah, she didn’t blink out, so she’s now locked in the sphere and she’s starting to look about extremely nervously. The shadow of Orthax comes and finds her and is beneath the orb and can’t quite get through.

SAM: No magic can happen in the orb.

MATT: You guys all bring yourself towards the edge?

LAURA: No, I’m staying. I’m staying next to Percy. I’ll shoot her from a distance!

MATT: For the sake of brevity, we’ll say it comes back to Scanlan’s turn, and everyone’s holding their action?

TRAVIS: I’d like to get right up next to the orb.

MARISHA: I do, as well.

LAURA: I’m getting up on the log so I can get a clean shot at her.

SAM: Vax, you with us?

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: Kynan actually walks along with you and heads up.

SAM: Ready?

LIAM: I’m ready.

TRAVIS: When you are.

SAM: For Percy.

MATT: Her hands are on the orb, eyes darting around. She’s trying to think her way out of this. You see her face flash in a couple of ways, and she looks cunningly at all of you and smiles.

SAM: Percy’s killing you right now, not us. I drop it, and we all attack.

LIAM: Stab.

TRAVIS: Obliviate.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll, Grog. Roll your three attacks.

TRAVIS: Reckless, great, everything.

MATT: Vex, roll your two attacks. Vax, roll your attacks. Scanlan.

TRAVIS: 29.

LAURA: 26 and 32.

MARISHA: Goddamn it, Gil, you better not fuck me. Not bad, Gil. (laughs)

LIAM: 26 and 22.

MARISHA: Are we doing melee attacks, or spell attacks, or what?

MATT: Spell attacks is fine. She doesn’t have a whole lot of energy left in her engine, and we don’t even need to roll damage, because: How do you, Vox Machina, want to do this?

LIAM: I want to sink my dagger into her arm, sever all around her shoulder, and rip her fake arm off of her body.

MATT: (grunts) The arm plummets to the ground, the shadow still coalescing where the wound is. The shadow of Orthax shoots up into where the exposed wound is. With that moment, who does what next?

SAM: I’d like to carve the de Rolo crest into her forehead.

MATT: As she’s clutching this, you reach forward and grab her by the throat, her eyes wide, and slash across. Right now, she has no strength to resist.

TRAVIS: I’m going to take the axe and go straight across her navel.

MATT: Keyleth?

MARISHA: I’m going to take a Grasping Vine and choke her around her throat.

MATT: The vines wrap around and hold her in place. Vex?

LAURA: I want an arrow straight through her heart, and one in her mouth as she screams.

MATT: The scream is cut short as the arrow finds its place in the back of the skull. The other one straight to the chest. Grog, your blade cuts through the midsection as the grasping vine pulls the lower half down. Ripley is entirely torn asunder in a final silent scream. The shadow of Orthax dissipates, sputters, and vanishes. The battlefield grows silent. You all turn and look back over your shoulder and see the still body of Percy against the tree trunks over there.

LAURA: (tearfully) I’m still going to try and cast Cure Wounds on him.

MARISHA: (tearfully) I do the same.

MATT: And that’s where we’ll pick up next episode.

SAM: No. Shit.

MARISHA: What? Why would you do that to us?

MATT: It’s what they would have done.

TALIESIN: I’m okay with this.

MARISHA: I have nothing left.

TRAVIS: What just happened?

MARISHA: Wait, is that it? We need to know, because if that’s it, then we’ve got to go get drinks. (laughs) That was our promise.

MATT: There are certain people that have magical, divine abilities that have been known to restore life. It’s happened before to other members of your party.

LAURA: How do we get there, though? We’re so far away. You could bamf us through a tree? There’s no trees.

MARISHA: Not today!

TRAVIS: She’s depleted.

MARISHA: I’m totally depleted until we sleep.

LAURA: Maybe I could put him in the–

MARISHA: In the bag of colding?

LAURA: No, not in the bag of colding.

TALIESIN: I think Percy would like that. I think that’s very appropriate.

LAURA: I could put him in the necklace and maybe stabilize him? I don’t know.

LIAM: You can’t stabilize him.

MARISHA: You’re going to make us deal with this for a fucking week?

TALIESIN: As the person who is sitting here, I think that we will see you next week. It is time.

MARISHA: I’ve grown a lot of emotional attachment to this.

MATT: We can keep going for a bit–

TALIESIN: No, I need to process.

MARISHA: What?!

TALIESIN: Pick this up later.

LAURA: Ashley just texted. She doesn’t work next Thursday.

MARISHA: She doesn’t work. She is desperately wanting to get in.

MATT: Pike would be an individual to talk to about this.

MARISHA: Yeah!

TRAVIS: Well, that went sideways.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Let’s stop this conversation for now. We’ll have more of this conversation later. I will not have this conversation online, either, guys. Sorry.

MARISHA: Nothing left under a 3rd-level spell. I have nothing left.

SAM: Next week, with new Vox Machina member Wil Wheaton. Thank you for your service, Taliesin.

MARISHA: Shut up, Sam!

SAM: Wheaton will be joining us every week.

TALIESIN: He’ll be getting a mohawk. Thank you. We’ll have this talk later.

MATT: The story will continue next week. Have hope. Have faith. We’ll see what transpires.

MARISHA: What? We don’t have faith at this table!

LIAM: Some of us do.

TALIESIN: It’s okay, honey.

MATT: It’s fun to be the DM.

TALIESIN: Thank you, Matt.

MATT: Good game, good fight. Hard fight. A very clever foe felled. We’ll pick this up next week. Have a good night guys. Is it Thursday yet?

[music]