A Glorious Return

is the third episode of Exandria Unlimited.

Previously on Exandria Unlimited
''So, we begin again. Pockets full to bursting with loot first pilfered at the behest of, and then from, an organization known only as the Nameless Ones, you all managed through violence and a frankly upsetting amount of sexual charisma from Opal, to make it out of the southern gates of the city and make your way to the southeast, to the Scar of the Cinder King and the Flamereach Outpost. There, you met with Lorkathar, a Fire Ashari known to you, Orym. You were able to reconnect, ask some questions, get literally zero answers, and before anything else could happen, a massive earthquake hit, and an ash-blown mesa rose up out of the ground, dominating the skyline.''

''You, along with some of the other firetamers, went to explore what new landscape there was. At the center of it all, you found a massive burning sigil, that I just remembered exactly right now that you all named an "ash hole". Found it, had a little bit of a scuffle with ya' boy Mister, but he's okay now. You made your way back to the Flamereach Outpost where you're able to sleep off your sundry levels of exhaustion. Lorkathar has asked you to find out the meaning of that sigil, to the person who she knows would have the best chance of knowing what that rune could possibly mean, and she has asked you to return to the dangers of the city in order to find her good friend and Runechild, Shaun Gilmore.

Part I
The party decides to return to Emon through a different gate, and most of them change their hairdos as simple disguises. They head to the eastern gate, where Dariax offers to create a distraction while the others enter.

As they enter the city, Dariax uses his cloak of disguise to change himself into a voluptuous woman and flirts enough with an approaching caravan leader to allow the party to join them. He continues his distracting behavior as they go through the gate. Opal and Orym slide through, but Dorian and Fearne do not. Opal creates another distraction by claiming to be looking for her lost toddler, Nancy (whom Orym pretends to be), while Fearne and Dorian make believe they are part of a music and dance group with the disguised Dariax.

They all successfully enter the city but attract much attention, including the interest of a talent scout. Fearne is shot with a poisoned dart by a black-hooded person. They are closely followed as they hurry toward Gilmore's Glorious Goods, ducking into an alley past it to lose their tail. Dariax uses his cloak to disguise himself as an old dwarf, and when their pursuers question him he sends them off in the wrong direction. The group doubles back and reaches Gilmore's safely.

They are greeted by a clerk, Inanna, and ask for Shaun Gilmore. Inanna tells them he is in Marquet but takes them to speak to the manager, Sherri. When they tell Sherri about the new mesa and show her Opal's drawing of the mysterious rune, Sherri does not recognize it but leads them upstairs, where she uses a magical plume and candle to send a message. Gilmore appears a moment later.

The party introduces themselves. Dorian starts, "I'm, uh, Br—" before catching himself. They tell Gilmore that Lorkathar sent them, and the details of the new mesa and its sigil. Gilmore casts Lesser Restoration on Fearne, curing her poison. When they tell Gilmore about meeting during the Everdawn party, he mentions it ended a few days ago with a big fire in the area.

Dariax takes out the Circlet of Barbed Vision to show him, and Gilmore asks if he's been touching it. When Dariax, who is unaware his eyes were transformed into solid black when he touched the Circlet, looks in a mirror, he sees illusory spiders on the faces of the others in the room. Gilmore identifies the Circlet as one of the Vestiges of Divergence linked to Lolth, one of the Betrayer Gods known as the Spider Queen. He tells them that although Lolth is evil, the Circlet is simply power. It was brought to Tal'Dorei for research reasons by a very powerful mage friend of Gilmore's living further inland. Gilmore allows them to keep the Circlet on the principle of finder's rights but gives them a one-time-use magical box, telling them that if the Circlet becomes too much at any time, they can use the box to send it back to him. Gilmore then restores Dariax's eyes to normal, telling him not to touch the Circlet again.

Going back to the mysterious sigil, Gilmore identifies it as truly ancient magic from a very old civilization in the south, lost in the jungles of the Rifenmist Peninsula. This civilization, the Qoniira, was a pre-Calamity culture that maintained a neutral stance concerning the sources of magic, uncaring whether it came from good or evil, was natural or humanoid-wrought. The Qoniira were lost in the Calamity, but Gilmore tells the party that if they can find a lengthier specimen of the Qoniira's writing among the ruins, he could use it to translate the sigil; he also offers them a ride to the city gate to protect them from the Nameless Ones, and they learn that Poska is not merely one of their number but a leader among them.

In compensation for their troubles and the trust they have put in him, and wishing to encourage them as fledgling adventurers, Gilmore offers the party a friends' discount on the merchandise in his store.

Break

 * Merch Alert! Ceramic camping mugs for Nicodranas, Tal'Dorei, and Xhorhas; new bumper sticker sets; and Dwendalian Empire minky blankets available in all four Critical role shops.
 * Crit Recap Animated, Episodes 26-35.
 * Excerpts from '''Critter Hug: Impossible Bard Make Up.
 * Commissioned art montage.

Part II
The party goes back downstairs where they are served snacks and helped by Inanna, purchasing the items listed below under "Inventory". Orym arranges to have his old shield from home enchanted, and Dorian manages to wangle a free healing potion from Gilmore after failing to negotiate a sufficient discount from Inanna. Eventually the party exhausts Inanna and she flags in a second clerk, Cuthbert, to finish the negotiations over the purchases.

After each of them spends the money found by them aboard the Blightstar, they head outside and board a large, garish, purple covered cart emblazoned "Gilmore's Glorious Goods", which Cuthbert drives across town to take them to the southern gate, where they intend to hire horses for the balance of their journey southward.

About thirty minutes into their journey to the gate, the carriage stops and they hear voices arguing outside, then feel someone climb aboard into the driver's seat, and the carriage begins moving again. Orym looks outside and sees a figure in a red leather coat in the driver's seat. As he leans out, he dodges a crossbow bolt fired by another figure escorting the carriage. They realize that Poska is now driving and that they are flanked by other Nameless Ones.

The party talks about what they should do, including whether they should send the Circlet to Gilmore. Poska's voice from outside tells them she can hear them, and that they have some things that belong to her: the residuum and the Circlet. Dorian tells her they sold them at Gilmore's, and she tells them she can kill Gilmore after she deals with them.

Dariax whispers that he doesn't want to get Gilmore killed, and they realize they have no idea how many Nameless Ones may be surrounding them. Fearne successfully casts Charm Person on Poska and tells her that they have something important to do, and she should step aside. Poska reluctantly agrees, and Fearne gets out to speak to her in person.

Poska reveals the Nameless Ones who have been flanking them, twenty-five in all, as diverse as old women and men and young boys, and tells them to stand down. Fearne tells her to leave Gilmore alone, but Poska is not convinced. Fearne replies that if Gilmore does have Poska's items, Poska can do what she wants with him. She then gets onto the driver's seat and drives the carriage off. As they leave the Nameless Ones behind, Dariax leans out and waves the circlet at Poska, saying, "Gotcha!"

An hour later, when the charm wears off, Fearne senses an anger from Poska fit to burn Emon alive. Orym quickly writes a warning note to Gilmore and sends it to him by means of the magic box, which disappears after its one use. Moments later, they receive a Sending from Gilmore saying, "Thank you, friends. Be safe." They make it through the southern gate, and Fearne continues to drive them southward in Gilmore's purple cart, which leaves a trail of glitter behind as it goes.

Player Characters

 * Dariax Zaveon
 * Dorian Storm
 * Fearne Calloway
 * Little Mister
 * Opal
 * Orym of the Air Ashari

New

 * Cuthbert
 * Eduard
 * Inanna

Returning

 * Lorkathar
 * Poska
 * Shaun Gilmore
 * Sherri

Mentioned

 * Darius
 * Lolth
 * Lothar Cirrospect
 * Tharla Starr

Quotations
All: No, no. No... Orym: You're not taking it. Not from Gilmore. Not from anyone. Poska: Look, Gilmore thinks he's un-fucking-touchable because he's on the Council. But everybody sleeps. So don't you worry. I will get my items back one way or another. You won't be around to see it, though. Poska: If he has what's mine or what I would make mine, how could you ask me to do or be anything other than what I am? Fearne: If he does have what's yours, then you can do what you want with him.
 * Dariax Zaveon: I'm the handsome one of the group.
 * Cuthbert: Am I going to die? Are you in trouble, and I'm about to die?
 * Poska: So it's a fight to the death, then, is it?
 * Fearne: Poska, you have to leave Gilmore alone, okay?