A Glorious Return

is the third episode of Exandria Unlimited. The group must return to Emon to seek the expertise of a powerful runechild, but the seeming simplicity of this task is made more complicated by the Nameless Ones' relentless pursuit...

Pre-Show
The cast introduce themselves and Aabria throws to future-Comfy-Matt and less-than-happy Omar for the announcements.

Announcements

 * This episode is sponsored by Ravensburger and the new Taco Bell Party Pack card game.
 * Second sponsor is the free game Idle Champions of the Forgotten Realms, a strategy management video game uniting iconic D&D characters into one epic adventure. Enter code DEEK-INKO-BOLD to unlock Deekin Scalesinger.
 * Critical Role is streaming live on both Twitch and YouTube. The moderated live chat is on Twitch.
 * The latest episode of Crit Recap Animated is now available on YouTube.
 * Past-Aabria comments how good future-Matt's braids look.

Previously on Exandria Unlimited
''So, we begin again. Pockets full to bursting with loot first pilfered at the behest of, and then from, an organization known only as the Nameless Ones, you all managed through violence and a frankly upsetting amount of sexual charisma from Opal, to make it out of the southern gates of the city and make your way to the southeast, to the Scar of the Cinder King and the Flamereach Outpost. There, you met with Lorkathar, a Fire Ashari known to you, Orym. You were able to reconnect, ask some questions, get literally zero answers, and before anything else could happen, a massive earthquake hit, and an ash-blown mesa rose up out of the ground, dominating the skyline.''

''You, along with some of the other firetamers, went to explore what new landscape there was. At the center of it all, you found a massive burning sigil, that I just remembered exactly right now that you all named an "ash hole". Found it, had a little bit of a scuffle with ya' boy Mister, but he's okay now. You made your way back to the Flamereach Outpost where you're able to sleep off your sundry levels of exhaustion. Lorkathar has asked you to find out the meaning of that sigil, to the person who she knows would have the best chance of knowing what that rune could possibly mean, and she has asked you to return to the dangers of the city in order to find her good friend and Runechild, Shaun Gilmore.

Part I
The party decides to return to Emon through a different gate and to change their appearances. Most of them change their hairdos, and Fearne glues her hair trimmings to Orym's head to lengthen his short hair. They head to the eastern gate where Dariax offers to create a distraction while the others enter.

As they enter the city, Dariax uses his cloak of disguise to change himself into a voluptuous woman and flirts enough with an approaching caravan leader to allow the party to join them. He continues his distracting behavior as they go through the gate. Opal and Orym slide through, but Dorian and Fearne don't. Opal creates another distraction by claiming to be looking for her lost toddler, Nancy (as played by Orym), while Fearne plays Dorian's borrowed flute and they pretend to be part of a music and dance group with the disguised Dariax.

They all enter the city, but Fearne is shot with a poisoned dart by a black-hooded person. They are followed as they beeline toward Gilmore's Glorious Goods, and eventually duck into an alley. Dariax uses his cloak to disguise himself as an old dwarf, and when their pursuers question him he sends them off in the wrong direction. The group doubles back and reaches Gilmore's safely.

They are greeted by a clerk, Inanna, and ask for Shaun Gilmore. Inanna tells them he is in Marquet but takes them to speak to the manager, Sherri. When they tell Sherri about the new plateau and show her Opal's drawing of the mysterious rune, Sherri does not recognize it but leads them upstairs, where she uses a magical plume and candle to send a message. Gilmore appears a moment later.

The party introduces themselves. Dorian starts, "I'm, uh, Br--" before catching himself. They tell Gilmore that Lorkathar sent them, and the details of the new mesa and its sigil. Gilmore casts Lesser Restoration on Fearne, curing her poison. When they tell Gilmore about meeting during the Everdawn party, he mentions it ended a few days ago with a big fire in the area. Dariax takes out the Circlet of Barbed Vision to show him, and Gilmore asks if he's been touching it. When Dariax, who is unaware his eyes were transformed into solid black when he touched the Circlet, looks in a mirror, he sees illusory spiders on the faces of the others in the room. Gilmore identifies the Circlet as one of the Vestiges of Divergence linked to Lolth, one of the Betrayer Gods known as the Spider Queen. He tells them that although Lolth is evil, the Circlet is simply power. It was brought to Tal'Dorei for research reasons by a very powerful mage friend of Gilmore's living further inland. Gilmore gives them a one-time-use magical box, telling them that if the Circlet becomes too much at any time, they can use the box to send it back to him. Dariax promises not to touch the Circlet anymore, and Gilmore restores his eyes to normal.

Going back to the mysterious sigil, Gilmore identifies it as truly ancient magic from a pre-Calamity civilization in the south, lost in the jungles of the Rifenmist Peninsula. This civilization, the Qoniira, was an ancient culture that was neutral about the sources of magic, uncaring whether it came from good or evil, nature or humanoid-wrought, respecting and honoring it all. The Qoniira were lost in the Calamity, but if the party can find the ruins of their civilization and find some of their runic writing, Gilmore could use it to translate the sigil. He also offers them a ride to the city gate to protect them from the Nameless Ones and they learn that Poska is not merely one of their number but a leader among them.

In return, Gilmore offers the party a friends' discount on the merchandise in his store.

Break

 * Merch Alert! Ceramic camping mugs for Nicodranas, Tal'Dorei, and Xhorhas; new bumper sticker sets; and Dwendalian Empire minky blankets available in all four Critical role shops.
 * Crit Recap Animated, Episodes 26-35.
 * Excerpts from '''Critter Hug: Impossible Bard Make Up.
 * Commissioned art montage.

Part II
The party goes back downstairs where they are served snacks and are helped by Inanna to shop, purchasing the items listed below under "Inventory". Orym arranges to have his old shield from home enchanted, and Dorian manages to wangle a free healing potion from Gilmore after failing to negotiate a sufficient discount from Inanna. Eventually the party exhausts Inanna and she flags in a second clerk, Cuthbert, to finish the negotiations over the purchases.

After each of them spends the money found by them aboard the Blightstar, they head outside and see Cuthbert drive up in a large garish covered cart emblazoned in purple with "Gilmore's Glorious Goods" to take them to the southern gate in order to hire horses for the balance of their journey southward. They all pile inside and set off across town.

After about thirty minutes, the carriage stops and they hear voices arguing outside, then feel someone climb aboard into the driver's seat and the carriage begins moving again. Orym looks outside and sees a figure in a red leather coat in the driver's seat. As he leans out, he dodges a crossbow bolt fired by another figure escorting the carriage. They realize that Poska is now driving, and that they are flanked by other Nameless Ones.

The party talks about what they might do now, including sending the Circlet to Gilmore, when they hear Poska's voice telling them she can hear them talking. They have some things that belong to her: the residuum and the circlet. Dorian tells her they sold them at Gilmore's, and she tells them she can kill Gilmore after she deals with them.

Dariax whispers that he doesn't want to get Gilmore killed, and they realize they have no idea how outnumbered they are by the Nameless Ones. Fearne suddenly casts Charm Person on Poska, succeeding, and tells her that they have something important to do and she should step aside. After a moment, they feel her get down from the driver's seat, and Fearne gets out to speak to her.

Poska calls over the other Nameless ones: old women, young boys, and old men among them, twenty-five in all, and tells them to stand down. Fearne tells her to leave Gilmore alone, but Poska is not convinced. Fearne replies that if Gilmore does have what's Poska's, she can do what she wants with him, then gets onto the driver's seat and drives off. As she does, Dariax leans out and waves the circlet at Poska, saying, "Gotcha!". Poska lets out a loud scream as Fearne picks up the pace.

Orym quickly writes a warning note to Gilmore, and sends it to him via the one-use magic box. Moments later, they receive a Sending from Gilmore saying, "Thank you, friends. Be safe."

An hour later, when the charm wears off, Fearne senses from Poska an anger that will burn Emon alive, but they make it to the gate. They head south in Gilmore's purple-emblazoned cart, leaving a trail of glitter behind as they go.

Player Characters

 * Dariax Zaveon
 * Dorian Storm
 * Fearne Calloway
 * Little Mister
 * Opal
 * Orym of the Air Ashari

New

 * Cuthbert
 * Eduard
 * Fy'ra Rai
 * Inanna

Returning

 * Lorkathar
 * Poska
 * Shaun Gilmore
 * Sherri

Mentioned

 * Darius
 * Lolth
 * Lothar Cirrospect
 * Tharla Starr

Quotations
All: No, no. No... Orym: You're not taking it. Not from Gilmore. Not from anyone. Poska: Look, Gilmore thinks he's un-fucking-touchable because he's on the Council. But everybody sleeps. So don't you worry. I will get my items back one way or another. You won't be around to see it, though. Poska: If he has what's mine or what I would make mine, how could you ask me to do or be anything other than what I am? Fearne: If he does have what's yours, then you can do what you want with him.
 * Dariax Zaveon: I'm the handsome one of the group.
 * Cuthbert: Am I going to die? Are you in trouble, and I'm about to die?
 * Poska: So it's a fight to the death, then, is it?
 * Fearne: Poska, you have to leave Gilmore alone, okay?