Transcript:Aramente to Pyrah

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello and good evening, everyone, and welcome to Critical Role, where a bunch of us crazy, zany, nerdy-ass voice actors play Dungeons and Dragons. For those of us meeting us for the first time, welcome; this is us playing D&D from a homebrew campaign with a few homebrew rules, but overall, it’s a fun time. Couple of announcements I want to get over before we start up the game: One, we have a subscriber challenge, apparently, every 100 subscribers we get, we are giving away a signed poster of the cast of Critical Role, as well as a signed portrait or a giant poster of a beautiful piece of art by Kit Buss, our official artist. The cast will be signing both of those and giving those away to whoever wins and every 100 subscribers whoever is active in the chatroom will be opting in to be chosen randomly for that prize, so we’ll keep an eye out for that and we will be announcing those winners as they come in. So that’s every 100 subscribers. Also, there is a challenge that if we can manage to hit 7,000 subscribers by the beginning of the day tomorrow, the streaming tomorrow, one, there will be apparently some sort of Pikachu costume will be purchased and worn around the studio. This is all the information I have, and I’m excited at the vagueness that was presented to me, because that could mean anything, which, you know, with enough pressure, peer pressure especially, anyone can be put into a Pikachu costume.

ZAC: Not anyone.

MATT: (laughs) Anyone. Also, there is apparently a promise for a party tomorrow evening with some fun guests and performers if we manage to hit 7k by the beginning of tomorrow’s stream. This has been given to me by our gracious Overlord. Also, apparently the mods have their own challenge if we hit 7k by tomorrow that I’ve been told I don’t really need to mention, which means I’m going to mention it, because apparently, there will be a Snugglelord or Overlord body pillow made. I think you should try and make that happen.

ZAC: I asked really politely for that not to be mentioned. Cool, no, I’m going to remember that.

MATT: How could you not mention that?! How could you not mention that? So 7k, guys. See if we can, see if we could make that happen, because I think it means if one can be made, many can be made and I think all of us here at Critical Role would be happy to have copies for ourselves. So that’s now up in the air. Let’s see. A couple other quick announcements: we also have our charity, 826LA, they’re a fantastic charity, 826 across the nation, but especially we’re donating to 826LA. They have after school programs and a lot of tutoring for creative writing skills and general literacy skills– I can’t talk today– for kids from five up to late teens. They’re a great charity; check them out. We really appreciate you guys’ support in that. Also, we will have a one week break in Critical Role next week as both me and Marisha will be out of town doing that thing in the desert, so we’ll be gone for a week, but we will return the week after, so that will be the second week of September to pick up our regular Critical Role schedule from there. I think that’s it, and that’s all. Let’s see if anybody else have any major announcements.

TRAVIS: Love you.

MATT: Oh, Grog’s being sweet over there. We’ll have some fun things to show when we come back, but in the meantime, let’s go ahead and get ourselves ready to jump on in to our next session of Critical Role.

[dramatic music]

Part I
MATT: All right, guys. Welcome back. Picking up where we left off to give you guys some overview here, the party had put themselves in a situation where they– Taliesin is currently cleansing the area of Wil Wheaton’s dice rolls from the previous two weeks.

LAURA: Feel better?

TALIESIN: We’ll see if I feel better.

MARISHA: No, it does. The energy feels better.

TALIESIN: No, feeling better.

LIAM: If there’s one place to use the flamethrower, I think it’s on that.

TALIESIN: It’s right there. Salt the earth.

LAURA: No, like you’re not so much right there.

LIAM: I was being facetious; I didn’t see it. I’m so comforted that it’s on your wrist right now.

MATT: That’s okay, we’ll look for it later. I think we may be down one Scanlan tonight; unfortunately, Sam couldn’t make it. So we will be missing our gnome bard for the evening. I know, he’s got family stuff planned tonight. Ohana means family in a language that doesn’t exist in this world. That’s okay. The party had unknowingly broken the law of Vasselheim and as such, found themselves in a conundrum where they had to choose either to go to the seat of judgment and be judged for breaking the law, or they could join the Slayer’s Take, which is a guild of monster hunters in the town, which they caused this infraction towards. They agreed to instead join the guild. However, in doing so, they had to undergo a trial. The trial involved the party being split into two different groups and set on a journey to hunt a specific creature for each group, along with a couple of newcomers. So we had our couple guest episodes for each group, separate to do their own little venturing. Everybody survived, which was good.

(cheering)

TALIESIN: Not everybody.

MATT and LAURA: Oh.

MATT: We’ll get to that. We will be coming back to the game in just a moment. Real fast, Travis, you should show us the really cool little thing that you–

TRAVIS: For my birthday, I got this. This is really great and heavy.

ORION: If it was sharp, it would be a functional weapon.

LAURA: It is a functional weapon without sharpening.

MATT: So between that and Orion’s wrist-mounted fireball launcher, we are covering all the bases.

MARISHA: We have Liam’s daggers. Laura’s gotten a bow.

LAURA: I have; I can’t wait to shoot.

TRAVIS: Matt got a cloak.

MATT: I did get a cloak. We’re slowly being converted by you guys into our respective roles.

LIAM: I think the one that I’m the most nervous about receiving in the mail is necrotic.

(laughter)

LIAM: Somewhere, there’s a guy working in a morgue going, “Oh!”

TALIESIN: That’s coming to my house. It’s going to my house, right there.

MATT: All right, so as the party that was sent to hunt down the rakshasa successfully completed their venture, have been waiting very nervously for a few nerve-wracking days, as they knew it was a three-day journey, day four crawls around and the other half of Vox Machina has yet to return. They have been staying within the confines of the Slayer’s Take guildhall and you can sense the energy itself is tense in the air. Mertin and the Huntmaster have done their best to keep you calm, brought you what you need, and assure you that this was not a very difficult task they sent them on, but even as the days wane on, you can sense that their overwhelming confidence seems to be slowly faltering as well. It’s about midday on the fourth day when you hear a few loud thumps from out in the foyer area. You hear some low voices for a while, some conversations, some laughter, one particularly high, screechy voice you’re not familiar with that then slowly disappears. Moments of quiet pass, and there is a knock at your guys’ door on the far side of the guildhall.

MARISHA: Do you guys want to get it?

LIAM: I got it!

MATT: You open the door. Waiting there, you see Mertin standing there and his red, scruffy, scarred-up halfling self with a sly grin, as he looks over his shoulder. “It’s good to see you! I am pleasured to give you information that the rest of your allies have returned and you are requested immediately in the foyer area of the Guildhall.”

MARISHA: I just run past him.

MATT: You push him aside.

ORION: Really, they’re alive?

MATT: “From what I can tell, at least most of them. I wasn’t counting to be honest, but I–” The rest of you push past, rushing down the main other hallway that opens up into the main foyer area. You can see the hanging iron chandeliers are shifting slightly from the impact of the door slam. As you immediately peer around the side, you can see before you Vex, Grog, Percy, and Scanlan, all there, with little Trinket in the back, looking a little chilled. They look a little worse for wear, but definitively alive, as they have just received their payment for their Slayer’s Take trial contract.

ORION: I run up to Vex and I give her a big hug.

MARISHA: I run up to Percy.

TALIESIN: Ow, ow!

TRAVIS: I hold out my arms for Vax.

TALIESIN: (pained) No, it’s very nice to see you too, ow.

TRAVIS: Everybody else is getting a fucking hug.

LIAM: I’m walking very cautiously. Hey, come here, big guy.

TRAVIS: Yeah! And I just squeeze him in, rub him amongst my breasts.

LIAM: You smell like, ugh.

MATT: Scanlan stands there with his arms open. “If only she was here…”

MARISHA: I’ve been drinking a lot of water.

MATT: “That’s all right, we made enough money to make the rest of my evening interesting.”

LIAM: Come here, you. Tousle.

LAURA: He almost died! How did you do?

LIAM: I don’t think we almost– (softly) Hi.

TRAVIS: Oh, for fuck’s sake.

ORION: As they’re hugging, I go to Grog and I– how big are you? I have missed you too. I had no idea how much I would miss both of you.

MARISHA: I’m so glad you guys are alive.

ORION: Where’s Percy? Oh there he is!

TALIESIN: Ow!

MATT: During this extremely awkward massaging, teat-milking process–

ORION: I was hugging!

MATT: A loud triple hand clap breaks the momentary gushy sharing of positive energy. Looking across the way you can see sitting on the corner of the main central cleric desk is Huntmaster Vanessa with her hands in the air. “Very well, I am glad to see that you have all survived. It is, I cannot say not heart-warming to see you all enjoying the reunion so well, although I had a very big breakfast and would prefer if this were to stop immediately. You have all proven to be very worthy of joining this esteemed guild. I am pleased to have such talent amongst our ranks because of it. Now, if you could please follow me, I shall reveal to you one of our great secrets. One you must keep.” And with that intensity you see the general white color of her eyes flashes yellow for a second. “The time has come to brand you as new members. Please to be following me.”

LAURA: Please to be following you.

TRAVIS: Did she say brand?

MATT: She turns around. Mertin joins her side and the two begin walking towards the back side of the foyer, towards the hallway that was on the left side of the back area. You guys continue to follow them down a long hallway that is just door after door after door on both sides. Just closed, seems like almost a good ten or so doors on each side of this doorway as you progress. You do manage to come across one door that is open and it leads into a darkened training area where you see two Slayer’s Take members are currently in the process of training with two training dummies in this dirt sandpit area. As you guys walk past, they stop and look over their shoulders and give you a nod as you continue past. You get to the very end of this darkened hallway, where you see before you a very intimidatingly large solid iron door. No hinges, just a large slab of iron with bolts into it. Flanking it are two very well armed and armored members of the guild. Burly humans with heavily tattooed skin. From what you can see, each one of them, their shoulder exposed, you can see the same marking into it. The Slayer’s Take mark comes across as almost like a scarred brand in that type of shape and design.

LAURA and MARISHA: That’s cool.

LAURA: We’re going to have very skilled people branding us, I’m sure.

MATT: Vanessa looks over her shoulder. (laughs) “I think you’ll be hard-pressed to find someone more skilled.”

TALIESIN: Does that mean they’re not skilled?

MATT: At this point, the two gentlemen standing either side of the door stand up and give a small bow to the Huntmaster.

MARISHA: Do we get to choose where we get branded?

MATT: At this point, after hearing this loud metallic tensing sound as the two guys have now grabbed these wheels that are bolted into the sides of the door and are winching them down. And you can see as they are pulling, you can hear the sound of chains grinding and growing tense. And the iron door (metal and stone scraping), slowly raises up, revealing a darkened hallway that descends down stairs, about 15 feet wide.

LAURA: Perception?

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: What could go wrong?

LAURA: Let’s use this one. Oh, that was great.

ORION: Has everybody realized, they want to burn things into us?

LIAM: We’ve done worse things to each other.

LAURA: Oh, even less. It’s a nine, total.

MATT: Nine total. Good to know. That stairway looks pretty sturdy. That darkness looks pretty dark. Even with your darkvision.

LIAM: 20.

TALIESIN: Can I use my passive perception?

MATT: Well, keeping that in mind. As you look inside, you can see there are torches bolted to the wall that give a very low ember light, and they are spaced out about every 20 feet or so.

ORION: Not enough. Light!

LAURA: Oh, there we go.

MATT: Okay. As you cast Light, it brightens up the room for a second, the two guards wince to the side and Vanessa spins around and says, “Fool, put that out this instant!”

ORION: But it’s brighter! Oh, okay, sorry.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: He had a point.

TRAVIS: He’s not wrong.

MATT: Her intense demeanor softens for a moment and she goes, “There is a process to this. I appreciate your patience.”

LAURA: We must be branded in the dark, Tiberius.

MATT: She turns around and continues down the stairs. Do you guys follow below?

TALIESIN: I’m last.

TRAVIS: I put Percy in front of me.

ORION: I saunter in.

MATT: Okay. What’s the walking order in this?

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: What’s the order?

TRAVIS: Yeah, what is the order? Who’s anxious? You seem jazzed.

LIAM: I’m in front.

LAURA: All right, fine, I’m behind him.

ORION: I’ll be right after Vex.

MARISHA: I’ll be after Tiberius.

TRAVIS: I’m the caboose!

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: I don’t think the caboose makes sense now!

LIAM: Grog doesn’t know that!

(laughter)

MATT: There we go. And Percy, you’re where?

TALIESIN: Well, Grog says I’m right in front of him.

MATT: All right, so you’re walking alongside Scanlan. You’re staying near Grog to hide behind. All right, so as you guys descend down these stairs. The first thing that catches you is the air itself has a very old smell to it. Almost like the interior of a dust-covered antique store or a long-forgotten and untouched tomb. It has that smell of ancient sediment to it. You continue down the stairs until eventually it opens into a large, darkened chamber. The ground itself has a soft, almost sandy bottom. Turn that shit off, whoever’s phone that was!

TALIESIN: That wasn’t me! It might’ve been me.

MATT: All good. (laughs) Check your phones. No worries.

MARISHA: It might’ve been me.

MATT: As you step into the chamber, what little bit of light there is begins to brighten as you enter the main area, and you can see before you what looks like a beautiful stone sanctuary in the center of this chamber, built of white limestone with gold-inlaid trim and designs. Strange sandstone, almost obelisks, that frame a large ziggurat-like platform that rises in the center of this chamber just standing there in the stillness. These little torches placed amongst the entire thing brighten as you step forward and frame the visual of this strange, ancient structure.

LAURA: Pardon me, Vanessa. I thought you were just a band of hunters?

MATT: (shushing) “Do you trust me?”

TALIESIN: Not really, no.

ORION: I’m going to agree with the room. But you are nicer, which is different.

TALIESIN: And we’re locked in.

MATT: “Well, either you follow or you leave and we leave you to the machinations of the seat of judgment, and you can deal with the law of Vasselheim.”

LAURA: Let’s do it!

LIAM: We’re here. We’re with you.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re on board.

MARISHA: The law of Vasselheim, for not getting branded?

MATT: “All right. Then follow me.” And she steps toward the front of this ziggurat-type structure which has a staircase that is very wide at the bottom and slowly pinches as it reaches the top of the structure about 25 feet up. As you begin walking up the stairs, I believe you have the highest passive perception. You notice there are small symbols carved in various ways throughout the entirety of this structure’s design. Very faintly along the trim of the bottom of some of the stonework, also largely placed on the top of these obelisks on different sides. It resembles an eye placed within a sickle.

LIAM: What are you looking at?

LAURA: There’s some weird stuff up high.

LIAM: Like spider webs?

LAURA: No, like eyeballs. Is it like eyeballs?

MATT: It’s a single eye that is placed within a sickle-like curvature that has a handle to it. Almost like that.

LAURA: Is it moving?

MATT: No, it’s just a carving in the stonework that resembles an eye.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

LIAM: I don’t see an eye.

LAURA: It’s that carving right there. looks like an eye. Does anybody know anything about anything that looks like eyes?

MATT: This would be more of a religion check for anybody who has–

TALIESIN: Religion check?

MATT: Religion.

LAURA: Can I try?

MATT: You can, you’re welcome to make a–

LAURA: Natural 20!

MATT: There you go. Start it off. The sage worked!

TALIESIN: (splutters)

MATT: Looking at it, you immediately get the thought that this symbol represents Ioun, which is the goddess of knowledge, prophecy, and skill. Not one of the heavily worshiped– you haven’t seen really any bastion of worship of Ioun in the city yet. It’s always been those main five. This is the first temple to Ioun you’ve seen since you’ve been here, and it’s definitely been under here for quite some time. As you guys get to the very top of the structure, you can see before you, the top of the ziggurat-like platform is about 50 feet across on each side. In the center there is a small raised platform about five feet high, four feet high, almost like a table or altar of some kind that is circular in its shape, and partially embedded in this is a large, solid glass globe-like sphere that is probably a good three feet in diameter.

LAURA: Does it look like anything we’ve seen before?

MATT: Not anything you’ve seen before, per se. It’s perfectly clear and it just sits there at rest.

LIAM: Is this where the burning happens?

MATT: Vanessa seems to have not paid attention to your phrase and just shouts up into the darkness and goes, “Osysa! Osysa, come! We have fresh blood for you!” At which point, a loud roar breaks through the darkness, shaking the interior of the chamber where dust and sand begins to settle from the ceiling, which had been waiting there for quite some time.

LIAM: Was this in the fine print?

MARISHA: Guys, I’m thinking this might be a cult?

TRAVIS and LAURA: That was a really high squeak.

MARISHA: I’m a little nervous!

MATT: At this point, suddenly there’s a shift in movement from the shadows behind the ziggurat, and leaping up onto the platform before you guys, you see movement and fur and rippling muscle. What you see before you looks to be a giant lion-like body. (thud) Steps onto the top of the ziggurat. These giant, griffon-like wings (whoosh) flare out, and as the light cascades up, you can see now atop this lion body is a female-like human face wreathed with a mane of ashy-blonde hair. Jewelry wrapped around the neck and the shoulders. You see as it looks down, the eyes peering across all of you. No pupils, just a glowing straight sky-blue color.

LIAM: Are you the one that’s going to be doing the branding?

MATT: This little growl with a chuckle to it. (laughs) A feminine smile comes to its lips as it bends down and looks over the rest of you. “I have watched from afar, Hunters. I sensed your arrival and the spark of darkness you carried. I saw your fate bend towards ours and cross. At this intersection, I greet you, and welcome you, proven ones, to our family.” And she bows and closes her eyes ever so slightly.

TRAVIS: We return the bow. I return the bow.

LAURA: I look at Grog, like what?

TRAVIS: It’s a fucking lion with wings!

ORION: I’ll do the Draconic sort of–

TRAVIS: You saw Harry Potter, the hippogriff will jack you up! Bow back!

LAURA: I nod.

MATT: She acknowledges everyone’s existence. And you see now, Huntmaster Vanessa is also in a very, very deep bow, and stands, giving you all this look of, don’t do anything stupid. “I have been keeper of this temple for hundreds of years–”

ORION: You don’t look a day over 20!

LIAM: Smooth.

MATT: There’s a brief moment where she gives you this keen look, head to the side like a curious creature. “Interesting. Humor does not find its way to my chambers often enough these days.”

ORION: That’s unfortunate.

MATT: “I appreciate your candor, dragonborn.”

MARISHA: She likes jokes!

MATT: “Now, we’ve built this into a tradition that you have all now come into. And at this moment, you will come to bear the mark and be known as our allies.” Her eyes suddenly flare up with an intense blue flame for a second. All of you, simultaneously, at that moment feel this sharp, sudden burning sensation in your right shoulder. You instinctively reach over and grab towards it.

(hissing)

LAURA: It just happened?! Like that?

MATT: You reach over and pull, and there’s no heat on the arm, but there is that burning pain. You go and you look under, pulling your armor to the side best you can and look. And there, over your right shoulder you can see this same brand that you saw adorning the shoulder of Vanessa when she exposed it earlier, as well as the two guards at the gate.

MARISHA: Can you hold it up again?

MATT: It is now raised upon your skin, seemingly already healed. Like a long-healed burn or brand mark. And the pain slowly subsides into a dull sensation, but it is not a fresh burn. There is not any peeled skin. It looks like it maybe happened a few months ago, and yet there it is.

LAURA: Not going to lie, it looks pretty cool.

ORION: The design is nice.

TALIESIN: I’d have liked some warning.

LIAM: Join a few more clubs, and we’re going to be all sleeved up.

MATT: “Now, I have been here building this place and this guild for some time, with the intent of helping rid the landscape of dangerous prey and helping those who are also aligned with the good of the realm to bring their more powerful enchantments and uses to light.”

LAURA: Can we insight check and see if she’s telling the truth? 24.

MATT: 24! It would’ve been good if I remembered to bring my dice out. There we are. It’s been a rushed– yeah. She appears to be forthright and honest. There is a force of personality to her that speaks beyond any sort of mortal you’ve encountered, and even the extraplanar entities you’ve discussed with, there seems to be a forthrightness in her speech. You don’t feel there’s any layer of deceit involved. She glances down at the glass sphere that’s embedded in the altar, and as she looks down, what was once clear glass slowly begins to glow with the same white-blue light as her eyes. “It is here through this Heartglass that Ioun herself extends my vision to watch the world. From here, I can see where our quarry lies and lays rest. When contracts are brought to our attention, I can see if they can or cannot be hunted. I can see where the worlds flow between. I can watch over my mate, wherever far he may be. This gift came at a price to me, but the good I can do, that we can do, is far more important than my sacrifice.”

LIAM: How far does your vision fall?

MATT: “The limits fall to where will would be bent against what wishes to be seen. In person, I can peer through many veils, but the further I tread with my sight, the more barriers of those who wish not to be followed can keep me at bay. I’ve only tried to pierce through the Abyss once. That was a dire mistake. However, you have come to understand one of our great secrets. Keep this with you, carry the brands on your shoulders with pride, for you are now considered Chosen of Ioun, and myself. Welcome to the Slayer’s Take.”

ORION: I take this with great honor. Thank you.

MATT: She gives a nod to all of you. She now stands back up. The orb goes back to a dull clear glass. Turns around. (heavy footfalls) the tail (whoosh) swishing over your heads for a moment. The wings expand, and with a great leap, the creature disappears into the darkness. If you want to make an arcana check.

LAURA: Has the glass totally faded?

MATT: The glass has faded, yes.

ORION: I’ll take that. 24.

MATT: 24. You’ve heard of entities like this. This is a sphinx entity, specifically referred to as a gynosphinx.

TRAVIS: What?!

MARISHA: Dinosphinx?

MATT: Gynosphinx.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: Gynosphinx.

ORION: Highly erotic.

MATT: You hear a snarl from the distant shadows. No.

ORION: I’m still trying to figure out his sexuality.

TRAVIS: You didn’t check for the bits?

ORION: I don’t know.

MATT: A gynosphinx is a feminine sphinx entity that specializes in being able to peer past lies, to peer past magical veils. You can see how this altar, this sphere is an extension of that power, though even that has its limits.

TRAVIS: Good thing we didn’t try to lie.

MATT: At which point Vanessa turns around to the rest of you. “Well, then. I think that went rather well, yes?”

TRAVIS: Yeah, sure.

LAURA: A little warning next time, Vanessa. Maybe.

MATT: “I like the element of surprise.”

MARISHA: So question. The little blue flashy thing that happens with the eyes. Is that going to happen with us now, too?

LAURA: Can she see through our eyes now?

MATT: She gives you a curious look. “I do not know.”

LAURA: She’s not going to be happy with what she sees through Scanlan’s.

(laughter)

MATT: Scanlan’s behind you going–

TALIESIN: Oh, I think she is. Very happy.

TRAVIS: Scanlan is the Cinemax of this group.

MATT: Scanlan says, “Well, if she’s been in here for 200 years unable to leave, she’s going to be really happy with what I can offer.”

LIAM: Peer into the scatological.

MATT: “It’s a whole array of experiences that I provide.” As he puts on his mustache. Vanessa then turns around and begins to step down the ziggurat. “Well, then. Shall I lead you back to the guild hall proper? You are welcome to do as you wish. You have been released, and I believe we have some funds to give to you, as you are now officially part of the hydra contract you originally broke.”

LAURA: Yay! I like the way you talk, Vanessa.

LIAM: I have some questions, though. What is this relationship, you and us, now? Are we obligated?

MATT: As you guys are walking back out of the chamber towards the stairway, she goes, “There is no requirement for you, you are but a member of the Slayer’s Take. If you wish to come by, we have contracts available, and you can look about those if you wish to take up. If you feel you are capable of doing it, let us know. You will then be bound to that contract to complete it, but there is no requirement. There have only been a few occasions that we have called our members to arms outside of contract, and that is usually when there has been some sort of an outside– for lack of a better term, a force that wishes ill to our business. In which case, we protect our own. But that’s only happened twice since the inception of this guild itself, so I would not worry. But we have work for you, should you need it. We have a place to stay, and beyond that you are welcome to travel as you see fit.”

LIAM: What are your allegiances? To yourselves, to the guild? Or to Vasselheim itself?

MATT: “We have many allegiances. Whatever makes for the best business, to be honest. To tell you this, we like to make money.”

LAURA: I respect that.

MATT: “We like to make sure that the city is protected from entities, creatures, beings that would threaten the otherwise defenseless members of this fine city.”

LAURA: Very noble.

MATT: “And we like to make money.”

TRAVIS: About that money, you said you owed us some?

MATT: “Yes.” And as you guys start descending the stairs now, Mertin is a little bit ahead, and he knocks on the outside of the iron door. You hear it lift again, the rest of you make your way and duck under the iron door as it’s lifted up and you make your way back into the guild hall hallway. As she leads you back to the foyer area, she says, "Yes, so. Really, it’s money, to be honest. But the money we make, we make generally for noble causes. They do not harm people, and nothing terrible has come of it yet. Yet.” And she laughs to herself as she walks on and begins pulling from underneath the main clerk desk again, pulling up a few pouches and tossing them amongst you. There’s three of them, she says, “Spread as you see fit. Based on the hydra contract…” She tosses them amongst a random couple of you guys.

ORION: Mage Hand.

LAURA: I thought I caught all three. I really tried.

MATT: You caught two and Tiberius drifted one down.

LAURA: How much is in that one?

ORION: I don’t know.

MATT: You take a moment to count them all. Each pouch breaks down to roughly 630 gold each, if divided amongst the seven party members.

LAURA: All right, we’ll divide it evenly.

LIAM: You’re a fast counter.

MATT: 630 each. Can someone note 630 for Scanlan, by the way.

TRAVIS: All right.

LIAM: 630 each, 630 for Scanlan, as he is not here to do it. Why, yes, Scanlan. I will take your share. Thank you. I noticed Vanessa has some cookies on her desk. Would somebody hand me one of Vanessa’s cookies? Thank you.

MATT: “These cookies were sent to me as a fine gift from a friend of the guild. Sir Darin De Paul of Vasselheim’s finest performance troupe.”

LIAM: They set my nerves at rest.

LAURA: So we have a home here. We have rooms here. We don’t have to pay for lodging?

MATT: “Correct. You just stay wherever you like. Mind you, there are probably more comfortable lodgings, but you do not have to pay to stay here.”

LAURA: We’re staying here!

TRAVIS: Are we free to go?

MATT: “Of course. I have no business at the moment.”

TRAVIS: You guys! We killed a dragon.

LIAM: Killed a what?

MARISHA: Yeah, they told us. Oh my god, we have so much to tell you guys.

ORION: We killed a rakshasa.

TRAVIS: A what?

MARISHA: That’s what I said!

TRAVIS: Wait, what’s it called?

ORION: It’s a rakshasa.

LAURA: Does it do dances? I’m confused.

ORION: It had backward hands, so I do that because it’s weird.

MARISHA: Saying his name is very– you know.

LAURA: Oh. So you killed something that was human-sized, then. Because we killed a dragon! A big white dragon.

ORION: He had a big tiger head.

TRAVIS: He had a tiger head?

ORION: Yes, and he was an infernal demon and was going to threaten all of our lives.

LIAM: Yeah, it wasn’t a guy with a cat hat. He was a demon.

ORION: A dragon is terrible, as well.

TALIESIN: No, that’s impressive, too.

LAURA: Giant big giants.

ORION: Giants and dragons?

LAURA: Yes, we fought them both.

TRAVIS: There’s some messed-up shit out here.

MARISHA: We went to a really high-end club and Vax and I pretended to be married.

LAURA: Oh, you did?

LIAM: Yes.

LAURA: You did?

TRAVIS: Pretended.

LIAM: What? Girls like me! That’s not hard to believe! I can sell that, right? Percival, back me up, please.

TALIESIN: You, you strike me as married, yes.

ORION: I turned into a half-elf as well. I was very attractive.

TRAVIS: You did what? Really?

LAURA: I’ve always liked your human form, Tiberius. I thought it was very attractive.

ORION: It’s very opposite of how I look.

LIAM: I noticed– Percival.

TALIESIN: Yes?

LIAM: Your coat is all frayed and fucked up. What happened to your coat?

TALIESIN: (stutters) Well, I may have–

LAURA: Almost died. Percy, be honest.

TALIESIN: Almost died.

LIAM: The dragon breathed its fire on you?

TALIESIN: Well, not fire actually, but ice.

LIAM: Again?

TALIESIN: Another ice dragon.

TRAVIS: Yeah, Scanlan took a little beating as well, didn’t you, Scanlan?

MATT: Which, he looks to you and goes, “And on that note, you’re welcome to stay here. I’m going to go ahead and use my earnings to soothe this pained, bruised pelvic region.”

TRAVIS: (gasps) Tell them I’ll be along shortly for therapy.

MATT: “Of course.”

TALIESIN: You’re more married than him.

LIAM: Scanlan. Lift from the legs.

(laughter)

MATT: “I shall.” And he scurries out the front door of the guild hall.

TRAVIS: Did any of you take a beating, or was it just us?

MARISHA: We actually had a cleric with us.

LAURA: Oh, you did? We did not. What was he like? He? I’m assuming it was a he.

ORION: Yes, he goes by the name of Kashaw. He was a rather interesting fellow. And a surly dwarf, of course.

TALIESIN: I’ve never met a dwarf that wasn’t surly.

TRAVIS: I like dwarves. Did he have an axe?

LIAM: He did. He was a noble fellow. Having a bad day.

TRAVIS: Having a bad day?

LIAM: Yeah. The cleric was nice. He planted one on Keyleth.

TRAVIS: Planted one what? Like a tree?

LIAM: You want to explain it, druid?

TRAVIS: Are you blushing?

TALIESIN: She’s blushing.

LAURA: Keyleth. Lady Keyleth!

MARISHA: You just got mad at me for pretend-marrying your brother, so.

LAURA: Well, now that I know you’re interested in some cleric, I don’t care.

MARISHA: I’m not interested–

TRAVIS: Do you have a crush on Cashew?

MARISHA: No?

ORION: See, how it worked is that he thought that she was really annoying, but really he was attracted to her.

LAURA: Well, who wouldn’t be, Keyleth? You are gorgeous.

MARISHA: He was very nice.

LAURA: I’m bummed we had two ladies with us.

MARISHA: Oh, really?

TRAVIS: Did you guys get anything I should put in the Bag of Holding? Any cool trinkets and bits?

LAURA: Oh yeah. In fact, we should probably take the carpet back now that Grog has the Bag of Holding.

TALIESIN: It was a shame we didn’t have it. It would have come in so handy for our adventure.

ORION: Vax, you should tell your sister.

MARISHA: That should come from you.

LIAM: It’s a funny story. It’s really funny.

MARISHA: Yeah, looking back it is. You know what actually, hang on, stop. Do we have any ale on us? We should have a drink real fast.

TRAVIS: Oh, we always have ale! I pull out the cask and I pass around a little.

MARISHA: It’s going to make it so much funnier.

LAURA: All right, go. What is it?

LIAM: Well, there was this acid pit, right? And we all got on top of the carpet, like we do.

LAURA: Yeah, fly over the acid pit.

LIAM: And there were these giant magical sigils that borked the carpet. Which was fine. It was fine, because the thing started to go down–

LAURA: Right, and then you pulled up, and you jumped–

LIAM: I grabbed the carpet, and I jumped and put my own body, up to my fucking head, into the acid. Burned. Yeah, you see this? You see this little bit of gray? I held the carpet up, and then it’s funny. We both sank together, and then the carpet went in the acid. But it was still okay. It wasn’t completely destroyed.

TRAVIS: I’m sorry, you said it went in the acid?

LAURA: But then you saved it, and it was fine.

LIAM: Just a little bit, but only completely. Tiberius–

TALIESIN: This story will be great if we could see the carpet, I think.

ORION: I pull it out of my Bag of Holding.

TALIESIN: Well, you cleaned it, and that’s nice.

TRAVIS: It looks fine.

LAURA: It looks a little less… glowy, though.

ORION: It doesn’t fly anymore.

TRAVIS: I’m sorry, it doesn’t fry anymore?

LIAM: It’s very comfortable to step upon, but it doesn’t fly.

MARISHA: It’s going to make a gorgeous tapestry.

ORION: We need to re-enchant it, is what’s going on.

LAURA: (shouting) You lost the carpet?!

MARISHA: We– the carpet we stole, to be fair.

LAURA: The carpet–

ORION: It’s okay. Again, it’s not a big deal. We just have to re-enchant it. I’ll find somebody powerful enough to do so.

LAURA: It’s okay. We’ll just pool our funds together. You guys didn’t spend any money during your mission, right? We can pool our funds together and maybe find somebody. You didn’t spend any money?

ORION: No, we spent–

LIAM: We’re still alive?

ORION: I have a plan, though, Vex.

TALIESIN: We slept in a tent! We slept in a tent in the woods with the loudest librarian on god’s green earth!

LAURA: You should have kissed her, Percy.

TALIESIN: She talked in her sleep!

TRAVIS: You got a kiss! I didn’t get a kiss.

MARISHA: Hey, I’d never been kissed before, okay?!

LIAM: In our defense–

TRAVIS: What the fuck just happened?

MARISHA: What just happened?

TALIESIN: This is what happens when you de-enchant the carpet.

MATT: At which point, there’s a knock at the front of the guild hall.

MARISHA: God, timing.

LIAM: Is there a tavern anywhere nearby?

MATT: Mertin walks over. “All right. Not a problem.” Opens the door. Peeking from around the doorway, you see meekly a familiar female form. Short, white hair, silver and blue armor, small in stature. There stands a meek and smiling Pike.

(cheering)

ASHLEY: Oh, hi! Hello.

TRAVIS: How did you do that? Your ways are mysterious.

MARISHA: How have you been? Oh my god. I think we’ve only been away for a week, but it feels like a year.

ASHLEY: Oh, you know. Here we are. Oh boy. It’s so good to see you guys. I’ve been working on the temple, and some people are great there, and some aren’t. It’s been great. I’m just so glad to be back. I got a couple of days off, so I figured I needed to come hang out with the group.

MARISHA: How did you find us here? How did you know to find us here, Pike?

MATT: Here’s the circumstance with you, Pike. They reached a certain point in getting a lot of the temple, most of it uncovered. It’s still not quite at the level you want it to be, and it’ll take a few months to get into its full restoration. However, there is definitely a curse placed on the tower that was once built over the temple, which is why most people avoided it for so long and didn’t realize there was something beneath it. The more you guys worked, the more and more you saw the curse was essentially undoing and corroding a lot of the work you guys were doing to restore it. The group had to pool their funds to hire a high priest of the Raven Queen to come in for the next week and cleanse the landscape of the curse that has basically prevented you guys from progressing in restoring the temple, so you have about a week to yourself.

ASHLEY: I’m here for about a week.

LAURA: What should we do?

LIAM: Let’s go to Kraghammer!

LAURA: Do we have enough time?

ORION: We have to get the money from Kraghammer, right? Pike, by the way, did you notice any blue shit around?

ASHLEY: Yes!

LIAM: Like holy shit.

TRAVIS: Like holy shit, did you walk around going like, “Oh, holy shit!”

ASHLEY: We were doing a lot of dusting. You know, you have your little brush? And I came across some blue shit, and I was wondering what it was, so I just kept it there. I didn’t clean it.

LAURA: You didn’t pick up blue shit?

ASHLEY: I just thought it was so fascinating. I had to leave it there.

ORION: Apparently, blue shit is charmed in these lands.

LAURA: It’s a very good blessing wherever it lands.

ASHLEY: Well, I picked it up, and I put it aside in a jar, just in case.

LAURA: I’m sure she had gloves on. You had gloves on, right?

ASHLEY: I had gloves, just in case.

LIAM: A blessing from Sarenrae.

ASHLEY: That’s what I thought.

LAURA: Well, what should we do?

MARISHA: Well, once again, I don’t want to leave, because I’m assuming we’ll lose access. We don’t have access to the airship for forever.

LAURA: It’s true. We should probably go see your family before we go to Kraghammer.

ORION: Well, wait a minute. Kraghammer is just getting our money and leaving, right?

LAURA and MARISHA: Yeah.

ORION: Your family, is that closer?

MARISHA: It’s around the corner.

TRAVIS: Should we visit the shop and get some potions?

LAURA: Oh my gosh, do we need potions.

ORION: Yes, we need to item up.

LAURA: Just go and buy some potions.

ORION: Yeah.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Wait, does the Slayer’s Take have a nice stock of potions?

LIAM: Or an employee discount?

MATT: You inquire with Mertin, and Mertin gives a moment of thought and goes, “To be honest, I’m pretty sure that we gave our current stock to a couple of teams throughout, including the one that went and fought the dragon.”

LAURA: Oh, yes. Funny thing: we used them because it was a dragon. Do you have any more?

MATT: “At the moment, no. We have a few that are on order. Should be here in the next two, three days. So there’s that. But–”

ORION: Is there a bazaar with any shops we can go to?

MATT: “I mean, there is the bazaar north of the guild; you’re welcome to check in that area, but most of our enchanted potions are exported. It’s one of the many things that the city makes its money on, and to be perfectly honest, most of what you’ve seen throughout the world probably in some way, shape, or form came from us. We take a lot of pride in that. But you’re welcome to ask around. Good to hear this.”

ORION: As we’re doing the item stuff, I would like to stop at a blacksmith’s shop.

MARISHA: Did we want to go to a tavern, too? What time is it?

MATT: By the time this team has arrived, I’d say it’s close to 2:00 in the afternoon.

MARISHA: Okay, shop then tavern?

LAURA: Is Zahra still in the Slayer’s Take, or has she left?

MATT: No, Zahra has left already.

LAURA: You guys really needed to meet her. Tiberius, you would’ve liked her a lot.

TRAVIS: She had a tail.

LAURA: She was red.

ORION: I love tails. Ooh, and that’s my favorite color. What magic did she–

LAURA: Very powerful magic.

TRAVIS: Moonbeam staff.

ORION: A warlock. Interesting.

TALIESIN: Yes. Quite charming.

TRAVIS: She had horns. And teeth.

LAURA: And eyes. Let’s go buy some potions.

ORION: Let’s do.

ASHLEY: Where did you guys get these cookies?

LIAM: Ask Merkin. He can tell you.

ASHLEY: Merkin?

LAURA: This guy.

ASHLEY: Oh, hi!

MATT: The halfling who’s now standing there– the one who let you in that you didn’t pay much attention to because you were more focused on seeing your friends.

ASHLEY: I’m sorry, I’m so rude. I’m Pike!

MATT: “Pike, it’s a pleasure to meet you. The name’s Mertin.”

ASHLEY: Mertin?

MATT: “With a T.”

TRAVIS: Merkin.

LAURA and ASHLEY: Merktin.

MATT: “I can take these cookies back.”

LAURA: No, please.

MATT: “But these cookies have been provided by a friend of the guild. If you’re a friend of them, you’re a friend of the guild.”

LAURA: Yay.

LIAM: Look at these badass tattoos! Yeah, look at that.

ASHLEY: What is it?

TRAVIS: It’s a brand that we got from a giant sphincter.

ORION: No, sphinx. Sphinx.

TRAVIS: Sphinx?

ORION: A sphincter is your butthole. Not who we fight, but when you go–

TRAVIS: Boom-boom.

LAURA: What should we do? You go find a blacksmith and we get some potions?

LIAM: Welcome to the Critical Role comedy hour, folks. Make sure you hit the two-drink minimum before you leave.

LAURA: Do you think maybe that you could maybe start out on a journey with us, and then head back if you need to get back to the temple?

ASHLEY: Yeah, I have some time. I think we should just hang out like old times just for a little bit.

ORION: Yes!

LIAM: Keyleth will fly you back lickety-split, just like that, yeah.

ASHLEY: Should we take the carpet?

LIAM: Oh.

TRAVIS: Right. About that.

LIAM: Vex broke the carpet.

LAURA: (gasps) I did not!

ASHLEY: She would never do such a thing. She wouldn’t do it. You’re lying.

LIAM: I tried to save it.

ASHLEY: Is it now just a rug?

MARISHA: It’s now just a very pretty rug.

LAURA: Oh, Pike. Do you want to keep it at the temple?

TRAVIS: I thought we were going to get it re-enchanted.

ASHLEY: You’ll get it re-enchanted.

MARISHA: I’m pretty sure it’s a very expensive enchantment.

ASHLEY: I wonder if I could re-enchant it with the poo.

LAURA: Just rub poo all over it?

ASHLEY: I don’t know what it is!

ORION: Actually, Pike, now that you mention it, perhaps you could ask some divine blessing from Sarenrae. Make it a holy carpet instead.

LAURA: Ooh!

TRAVIS: You have been working in a temple.

LAURA: It’s true, you have some sort of thing where you do it with a spell where you can ask her to help us?

MARISHA: You have a ten percent chance of succeeding, but it’s awesome when it happens?

LAURA: You should do it!

MATT: Up to you.

ASHLEY: Yes, why not?

MARISHA: Yes, we take the carpet out.

LAURA: Come on, Sarenrae.

ASHLEY: Okay. I don’t have any dice.

LAURA: Oh, look! Look at all these.

MATT: So if you’re wishing to use your Divine Intervention, you roll two d10s, the percentile dice. Usually, you have one that has two digits and one that has one digit. Roll those together, and you’re trying to roll under your level, so you’re trying to roll an 11 or lower.

LAURA: Combined of the two?

TRAVIS: Roll one at a time.

MATT: Yeah, the first one is–

LIAM: Six.

MATT: So that’d be a 60. Yeah. So as you roll out the carpet, you take a moment to hold on to your holy symbol. You sense that Sarenrae’s there, but divine magic versus the initial arcane-based enchantment here? It’s a little out of her realm and her focus is scattered at the moment.

ASHLEY: I’m sorry. I’m just a little too excited to do this right now.

ORION: You were coming from work–

ASHLEY: Yeah, coming from work. Tired, the time change.

MARISHA: I’m sure you’re doing a lot with Sarenrae.

ASHLEY: We’ll try it again later, maybe.

TRAVIS: Should we go get some potions so we can heal up?

MATT: You can attempt it once a day.

LAURA: Oh, good. We can try it every day while you’re with us for a week. That’s seven times!

MATT: You don’t quite know how the Divine Intervention’s going to work, but you know that she may come and help you in some way.

ASHLEY: Okay.

LIAM: So what are we doing? We’re going to go shopping for potions, and then we’re going to go see Kiki’s family, yeah?

LAURA: Kiki? Is that what you called her when she was your wife?

TRAVIS: What time is it, did we say?

MATT: About 2:00 in the afternoon now.

TRAVIS: No beard check.

LAURA: Try it!

TRAVIS: I can’t. It’s not a new day.

MATT: Well, it took you a few days of travel.

TRAVIS: It’s a new day!

ASHLEY: Is there a little scruff there?

LAURA: It’s like fishing wire.

LIAM: You can’t see it, but if you rub your hand on his chin, you can feel it a little bit.

TRAVIS: 96.

MATT: There’s no additional growth. One actually goes ping! And it shoots off.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: I caught it!

TRAVIS: (gasps)

ASHLEY: No, don’t blow it away!

LIAM: Make a wish.

LAURA: No, keep it, Pike! It’ll be with you always.

LIAM: Wish on the carpet– oh.

TRAVIS: That’s going in her Sarenrae. You watch it, motherfucker.

MATT: All right. As you guys step out into the thoroughfare of the Quadroads, it is beginning to rain a little bit, and you can already hear people moving through the city. You make your way towards the central portion of the Quadroads, where the large bazaar is set up. There are a number of tents and small shacks set up. Some are temporary and move in and out, but everyone seems to have their various tarps up and things to help protect, overhangs, from any prospect of customers from getting rained on too heavily. However, the floor of this city, which is already pretty dusty and dirty in its own right, has now become sludge-like mud, and there’s this constant (squelching) as you’re walking through the city. It’s easy enough for you, Tiberius, to go ahead and find a blacksmith. Generally, there aren’t too many in this area. A lot of those tend to be pushed up more towards the Braving Grounds, so it’s easy to find the one or two plumes of black smoke–

TALIESIN: I could send him to the blacksmith I went to.

ORION: Along the way, I would also like to be looking out for any animal shopkeeps.

MATT: Animal?

TALIESIN: A pet store?

MATT: Okay. All right. Make a perception check.

ORION: Sorry.

LIAM: Are you shopping for a little buddy?

ORION: I am. That is nine.

MATT: So as you’re walking along, nothing’s really catching your eye. You do manage to go to the blacksmith that Percy sent you to. What are you seeking in particular?

ORION: A dragonite, raven.

TALIESIN: At the blacksmith’s?

ORION: The blacksmith’s? Oh. I think I can only do short swords and looking at a crossbow.

LIAM: You know how to use a blade, Tiberius?

ORION: I do. Oh, quarterstaff. I think that’s what I’m proficient in. So I’m going to, crossbow, quarterstaff, some darts.

MATT: Okay. Blacksmithing is more for construction. The blacksmith there says, “Well, I mean, I can certainly make some for you, but there’s already plenty of ready-made ones over at the general store across the way.” And he points to a smaller building.

ORION: I would like a quarterstaff, though, with bladed ends. It is why I came to you, sir.

MATT: “All right.” And the scruffy-chinned human rubs his half-beard and thinks it over. “I can probably fashion something. I can’t tell you how wieldy it’ll be, but we can certainly try. Give me about– four hours, probably, with a ready-made quarterstaff?”

ORION: Wonderful.

MATT: “All right. For the custom, put you back about, say, 80 gold for the custom job.”

ORION: Wonderful.

MATT: “You wanted a crossbow, you said. You want a heavy crossbow or–”

ORION: Oh. What do you prefer? I’m a sorcerer, so I’ve got to keep it light.

MATT: “Then you’re probably going to go with a regular hand-crossbow. Go talk to that general "store over there.” And he sends you across the way. You head over to the general store. You purchase, base price for a hand-crossbow is 75 gold pieces, so mark that off.

LIAM: I’m walking over just to watch.

MATT: All right. A short sword is easy enough to purchase, that is ten gold pieces.

ORION: Cool.

LIAM: You got a taste for the knocking-about, fighting that thing, didn’t you?

ORION: I don’t like being unarmed anymore. And darts.

MATT: You also have to manage to get your ammunition, as well.

ORION: Yeah, I need bolts. Bolts.

LAURA: If you buy a lot, you can put them in your Bag of Holding. That’s what I do. Speaking of, how’s my supply in there? Is it pretty good, still?

TRAVIS: Your supply of what?

LAURA: My arrows in the Bag of Holding.

TRAVIS: Oh. Yeah, they’re all over the fucking place.

ORION: How much for 40 bolts?

MATT: 40 bolts, I’d say I put those– I’d say for 40, two gold. Bolts aren’t too expensive. It’s bulk bin.

ORION: Okay, then a hundred.

MATT: There are only currently 80 available.

ORION: I’ll buy the whole lot.

LIAM: I bought them for you.

LAURA: While they’re shopping, I just want to drill Keyleth a little more about her smooch that she got.

LIAM: That’s more interesting than the bolts.

LAURA: So wait, he kissed you or you kissed him?

MARISHA: No, he kissed me.

LAURA: He kissed you.

ASHLEY: You were kissed?

LAURA: A cleric kissed her!

ASHLEY: (gasps)

LAURA: Do you know who his deity was? Maybe Pike knows him!

MARISHA: Oh, his name was Kashaw. Brother Kashaw. He was a cleric. But he wasn’t a cleric to Sarenrae, he was actually a cleric to this demon goddess named Vesh.

ASHLEY: Oh!

MATT: You’ve never heard of Vesh.

ASHLEY: I don’t know who that is.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: I thought I did for two seconds, and then I was like, oh wait, no I don’t.

MARISHA: It was interesting.

TRAVIS: Does Vesh have a lot of followers?

TALIESIN: It’s an old god; you’ve probably never heard of it.

ASHLEY: That’s what I was thinking.

MARISHA: Yes, no, apparently he’s the only one. He’s also married to her?

LAURA: And he kissed you? Wait. A guy that’s married to a god kissed you.

TALIESIN: Oh, I see how this could work out poorly.

ASHLEY: What if she gets mad?

MARISHA: I’ve thought about that a little bit, and then tried not to think about that a lot.

LIAM: Tell her to get in line.

TRAVIS: I don’t like that face.

MATT: What? I’m just enjoying some water.

LAURA: I shouldn’t have even said anything.

MARISHA: It was awesome, though. Then he just walked off into the sunset.

LAURA: Was it good? It was a good kiss?

MARISHA: (whispers) I’ve never been kissed before, so I don’t know. It was really good. Made me tingly inside.

ASHLEY: Oh, that’s a great feeling.

MARISHA: Yeah. Very nice.

MATT: So while this is happening–

MARISHA: He’s not listening. We’re girl pow-wowing right now.

ASHLEY and MARISHA: Girl time.

TALIESIN: We’re shopping for potions.

LIAM: What else do you need? It’s all on me. If you hadn’t stopped that shithead from leaving, I wouldn’t have put a dagger in the back of his head, and we would’ve been looking over our shoulders for who knows how long, so everything’s on me. Whatever you want, tell me. Not a carpet. I can’t afford it.

MATT: There’s no real potion shops. The construction of potions is not a ready thing. People don’t manufacture them left and right; it’s a time-consuming process, and a lot of them are exported, so finding them here is a little difficult, and they’re usually part of other stores that sell it as part of their stock. You guys, before you journeyed out last time, cleaned out the hag.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s something else we have to tell you guys about!

TRAVIS: Can I look around the street and see if there are any shady types lurking about.

MATT: Make an investigation check. Asking and looking around, no one seems particularly helpful.

TALIESIN: Excuse me. I’m looking for potions. Can I get some service?

MATT: Some individuals push you aside.

MARISHA: I pull Percy aside. No, remember this town? They don’t like magic and stuff and they get weird about potions. And all the– what are they called? The Bastions all control the trade of potions, so people get weird. It’s weird and illegal.

MATT: Grog, you come up to a gentleman. He’s dressed in a fine velvet bright-red-and-maroon tunic, and he’s carrying a small satchel at his side, and he’s standing outside of a small tent and he’s like, “Anyone? Come forth! I carry oddities of all kinds! If you wish to see what I have for sale, I’ll be happy to sell them!” Turns and sees you. “Oh. You, sir! You look like you’re in an inquiring mood.”

TRAVIS: What’d you call me?

MATT: “Sir. It’s a respectful term.”

TRAVIS: What were you saying?

MATT: “I should probably go.”

TRAVIS: No, wait, you said you have oddities.

MATT: “Yes. Strange things from around the lands. I have them sent in from all over the continents.”

TRAVIS: Go on, then. Like what?

MATT: “Like–” And he reaches into his pouch and pulls out this small jar that contains a liquid, and you can see something sort of floating in this liquid. It’s a little bit cloudy. “This is the eye of a basilisk I procured from the distant north of Tal'Dorei.”

TALIESIN: We’ve already got one.

TRAVIS: I think we have two.

MATT: “Well, then. What are you looking for?”

TRAVIS: Funny thing. I like to work out a lot, and I like to go lift boulders in the forest sometimes, so would you have anything that might give me a temporary increase to my already magnificent strength?

MATT: “Let me see.” And he rummages through this small tent on the side. You see it’s more of a storage tent-slash-bedroom-slash-whatever it takes to set up shop really quickly. This guy’s definitely a traveling solo merchant.

TRAVIS: Like the dude in the beginning of Aladdin?

MATT: A little bit.

TRAVIS: Come close. Oh, too close! A little too close.

(laughter)

MATT: That, with a little more of a fake upper-crust, Renaissance-man visualization. He reaches back. You hear him rummaging through some glassware and he goes, “I actually have a few potions at my disposal here.” He dips under one of the nearby tents that has an overhang, to get out of the rain.

LAURA: Can we hear this at all?

MATT: You guys are having girl talk right now. This is a little ways out of the way.

LIAM: Welcome to Agrabah.

MATT: “I happen to have one such potion. In fact, I have on good authority, it will restore some of your own damaged internal, should you find yourself in a dangerous situation.”

TRAVIS: I like the scars that my damage situations leave behind. I’m not quite as interested in that. What else have you got?

MATT: “All right.”

TALIESIN: (stutters)

MATT: You guys are off shopping elsewhere. You guys are probably together, though.

TALIESIN: How much was that?

MATT: “This one would run you 500 gold pieces.”

TALIESIN: Is it a superior healing potion?

MATT: No, this one is a greater.

TALIESIN: I’m not spending 500 gold on a greater healing potion.

TRAVIS: Come on, pull a Vex. Get that number down.

MATT: “Very well. For you, sir, I perhaps have this.” He pulls out a vial that has a gray, sparkling, almost like it has an iron filing sediment inside this thick, syrupy liquid. It looks like it would taste awful.

TRAVIS: Ironschlager.

MATT: (laughs) Yes. Yes, it is.

TALIESIN: Why do they not make that?

TRAVIS: Because they’d put a lot of iron in it.

TALIESIN: Some people need iron.

TRAVIS: That’s true.

MATT: “This, I’ve been told, has been crafted from and distilled from the blood of many a tyrant-like stone giant from the far off mountains of the hinterlands. This, when swallowed, should imbue you with the strength of a thousand men.”

TRAVIS: A thousand? That’s just above, like, four?

MATT: “Sort of.”

TRAVIS: How much?

MATT: “For this one? This, I’d say, would run you a simple 6,000 gold pieces.”

ASHLEY: Whoa.

TRAVIS: Not that I’m not a man of incredible wealth. Would you be interested in anything besides coin?

MATT: “Speaking of which do you offer?”

TRAVIS: Well, I have this fancy bag myself. I happen to have parts of an umber hulk. Pieces of dragon, if you might be interested in that. I also have jewels and fancy robes, if you need a change.

MATT: “My robes are quite fancy enough, but thank you.”

TRAVIS: Right. I have an orc head. And I reach into the Bag of Holding and pull out the orc head.

MATT: “Put that away. Please. No, it’s spraying on the front of my vest.” Make a perception roll… No, I’m sorry, not perception, persuasion. Persuasion.

TRAVIS: Oh, that’s actually plus one for persuasion. 13.

MATT: 13? All right. He goes, “Pieces of dragon, you say?”

TRAVIS: Yeah, we do. We have 14 dragon teeth.

LAURA: Don’t tell him all the numbers.

TRAVIS: You’re not there. Four cups of blood. It’s probably more like a gel right now. Several pounds of scales, and maybe a few claws. I’d have to look; there’s so many.

MATT: “How about this? For direct trade, no coin exchange necessary: all 14 of your dragon’s teeth, and perhaps two of those blood vials.”

TALIESIN: (whispering) What would Vex do?

TRAVIS: How about–

TALIESIN: (whispering) Thank you.

TRAVIS: All of the dragon’s teeth and three of the vials of blood?

MARISHA: What?!

TALIESIN: Ugh!

TRAVIS: Done.

TALIESIN: Ugh!

MATT: He accepts all of the dragon’s teeth, three of the four vials of blood– you can mark those off the Bag of Holding.

LAURA: (laughter) You’re such a dick!

TALIESIN: We’re getting you a leash!

TRAVIS: Vex will be so proud of me.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Goodbye.

MATT: All gone, but you currently now have in your possession one Potion of Stone Giant Strength.

TRAVIS: Stone Giant Strength. Thank you.

LIAM: You drive a hard bargain.

TRAVIS: Can I find that in here?

MATT: No. When imbibed you essentially, your strength becomes equivalent to 23.

LIAM: One time. One big time.

LAURA: One use, or is it multiple?

MATT: One hour.

TRAVIS: One hour, so my strength becomes 23.

LAURA: Can he get multiple drinks out of it?

MATT: No, it’s one use.

ASHLEY: What happens if I were to just pinky in?

TRAVIS: Give it a little number?

ASHLEY: Give it a little taste.

MATT: Your gums will get a little tingly for a while. Probably be a little hyper.

ASHLEY: Would there be any result?

MATT: I don’t know, do you want to try?

ASHLEY: I’m going to wait and try it.

TRAVIS: Does that change my modifier at all? When it goes up that much?

MATT: Oh yeah. Your modifier would become plus six is what it would be, a plus six modifier.

TRAVIS: Cool.

LIAM: Money well spent.

MATT: As you take it and you shake it around, you can see on the inside of that sparkling metallic– there’s a small object floating around and looking inside, it looks like it’s a clipping of a fingernail or a toenail of whatever giant the potion was brewed from. Like a tequila bottle worm.

TRAVIS: That’s the part everybody wants.

TALIESIN: So I’ve just been sitting here watching this, shocked?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Look what I got. Let’s go join the others.

MATT: “Thank you for your patronage. Enjoy the rest of your stay here in Vasselheim I hope to do business with you again in the near future.” He turns around and closes the thing. He takes his satchel and he starts closing down his tent and putting things away.

LAURA: Wait, you fucking– track him down.

LIAM: You’ve got no idea.

MATT: Closes everything down.

LAURA: Do we see him? Are we walking up? Can we walk up as it’s happening?

TRAVIS: As she walks up, I grab Vex and I go, you will be so proud. I just haggled down this guy so well.

LAURA: What guy?

MATT: As you point back and look, you can see now a cart is being wheeled away.

LAURA: I Hunter’s Mark him!

MATT: (laughs) Okay!

TRAVIS: Why? Why would you Hunter’s Mark him?

MATT: What level?

LAURA: What level what?

MATT: What level Hunter’s Mark? Basic level?

TRAVIS: We are in the middle of a city where people might not take unwarranted aggression well.

LAURA: Level-3 Hunter’s Mark.

MATT: He stops in his tracks and feels the rain that’s falling in his palm now; it’s soaking him a little bit. He has a bit of cloth over his head. He puts his hand out and feels the rain for a strange temperature change, and continues pushing the cart, pushes it through the mud, rolling up the rest of the thoroughfare and disappears into the city. But you have a pretty good idea of where he’s going.

TRAVIS: So anyway, I was working with him, and you always try and get more for our money, (haltingly) and I definitely got more for our– more– gave more money–

LAURA: What did you do? See? I’m glad I Hunter’s Marked him. What did you trade? What did you get?

TRAVIS: Oh, I gave him tiny bits of dragon for this amazing flask of Stone Giant Strength.

LAURA: What is wrong with all of you?!

TALIESIN: I was upset about the carpet, and I wasn’t– he’s huge! What was I going to say?

TRAVIS: Yeah, Percy got a vial of Greater Healing.

TALIESIN: No, I didn’t. It was expensive and– oh god.

LAURA: I need a drink.

TRAVIS: To the tavern?

TALIESIN and MARISHA: To the tavern.

MATT: You guys eventually catch up. You acquire your staff over the next few hours or so as people are resting, having drinks and such. It acts as a regular quarterstaff, except you can choose whether you want it to do bludgeoning or slashing damage.

ORION: Okay, cool.

LIAM: I fall in step next to Vex and look at her for a second. What’s burning your arse?

LAURA: Everybody’s breaking things, everybody’s spending all our money.

ORION: We have 30,000 gold pieces waiting for us.

LAURA: We don’t have it now.

ASHLEY: 30,000 gold pieces from where?

ORION: From when we were in Kraghammer.

ASHLEY: Oh, you didn’t collect them yet.

TALIESIN: So it’s credit, there’s credit.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s just waiting for us. I mean, we’re basically the richest people ever.

LIAM: We still have a keep.

LAURA: We do, we have a keep! We have a beautiful keep, with furniture, and servants.

MATT: As soon as you say servants, the barmaid who’s coming over and filling up your drink goes, “We prefer barmaid, but thank you.”

TRAVIS: Oh, excuse me! Oh, can we have a goblet of your strongest stank for this one?

MATT: She looks over at her.

LIAM: She started before we got here. Just keep it coming. Thank you.

MATT: “All right, all right.”

TRAVIS: How much are they?

MATT: “For your strongest? Per glass, I’ll put that at about–”

LAURA: Don’t tell him the price of anything.

MATT: “Very well.”

LIAM: I lift up the cup and keep putting it in, and say, a round of the strongest on me. I’ve got that, as well.

ORION: I’ll take a water.

MATT: All right. You get water, you all managed to get your drinks. A very, very thick, syrupy mead-type alcohol. Altogether for those drinks, Vax, it comes down to 15 gold for alcohol, which is expensive for a round. This is very fine.

TRAVIS: Should’ve let me haggle that down. I would have got it to 19 gold.

MARISHA: Hey, you’re thinking about it the wrong way, Grog. It’s the other way. You want to go down, not up.

LAURA: I love you, guys.

MARISHA, ORION, and ASHLEY: I love you, too.

MARISHA: I missed you all so much.

ORION: Pike, if we’re to just be roundabout and mill about today, is that what you wish, Pike? After our tavern? What would you care to do?

MARISHA: Stay-cation.

ASHLEY: Well, wait. Where’s Scanlan?

MARISHA: He went to the park.

LIAM: You know, he needed a little– it was really rough going, from what I hear anyway, and he needed a little therapy?

ASHLEY: Oh, he needed a massage?

TRAVIS: I thought he was going to the house where they–

ORION: Lady favors.

ASHLEY: I get it.

ORION: Well, we could do whatever you wish. If you care to wish the keep, let’s go back to the keep. We could easily get there and take an airship back, if we choose to.

LIAM: We were also talking about visiting Keyleth’s family. Can you get away long enough to–

LAURA: Maybe start the trip with us?

ASHLEY: I think I can. And then, if I have to leave, at least I can maybe meet your family for a little bit.

TRAVIS: Yeah, Never-Been-Kissed. How’s that sound?

LAURA: Are they your family, technically?

MARISHA: They’re our sister tribe. Because we all separated.

LIAM: Tell us again. Sorry, explain it again.

MARISHA: Essentially, about 900 years ago or so, roughly a thousand years ago, we were a nomadic people. And then there was some sort of great sundering– we’re actually still not 100% sure; a lot of information was lost. And the elemental planes started bleeding with this plane, and oh, Vex is falling asleep.

LIAM: Whoa. Hey, Stubby. Wake up.

MARISHA: Anyway. Long story short, we separated into four separate tribes to protect the places where the elemental planes bleed into this realm. Once every generation, someone is nominated to go out and make contact with the sister tribes in order to establish further communication, check in, learn about each other’s cultures.

ORION: Interesting.

MARISHA: We’re from the same people, but we each have our individual cultures because we’ve been separated for so long, at this point.

LAURA: So these ones are Fire.

MARISHA: These ones are Fire, yes, so they’re located in a volcanic region, and you can start to feel an energy from where the planes start to shift, and it gets a little unbalanced. That’s where we each live, and I’m from the ones where we protect the Air portals.

ORION: Lady Keyleth, did you just say where the planes shift?

MARISHA: Yes, because where all the planes– almost like a Venn diagram, if you want to think about it.

ORION: Who is this, who is Van Diagram.

MARISHA: (stuttering) Well, he was a great philosopher, of one of our peoples. But he described it as being these overlapping circles. What’s that?

ASHLEY: He was one of the Ashari?

MARISHA: He was.

ORION: Van Diagram was one of the Ashari.

MARISHA: Very great man.

ORION: Quick question about the planes. Will we travel there, is there any way to, perhaps, get to the fey woods through these planes.

MARISHA: We don’t necessarily overlap with the fey. We protect where it overlaps. You could get to the fire elemental plane easier from this place, and my town you can get to the plane of Air–

LAURA: (belches)

MARISHA: That’s a good one, Grog!

TRAVIS: Nope. Not me.

ORION: That was Vex.

ASHLEY: That was a good one.

LIAM: It’s nappies time. Nappy time.

MARISHA: Are you feeling okay, Vex?

LIAM: Just give her an hour. She’ll be fine.

ASHLEY: She just needs some time.

LIAM: Side note: I’m two inches taller, and I’ve always called you Stubby.

LAURA: Oh.

LIAM: Come here, Stubby.

MARISHA: But anyway, the last person to go on the Aramente was my mother, and she never returned, so we haven’t really had contact with the Fire Ashari for a while.

TRAVIS: So you’re pretty anxious to go, then, yeah?

MARISHA: I have no idea what they’re going to be like.

TRAVIS: But you know about where they are, right?

MARISHA: I’ve gotten rough directions. We’ll have to probably figure it out along the way.

TRAVIS: Are we hoofing it? Are we flying?

ORION: We could do whatever you wish, Grog. Do you have a particular ability called Magic Weapon?

ASHLEY: Well, I have Spiritual Weapon. So I guess, yes?

ORION: They’re different things.

ASHLEY: Well. What do you want? What are you looking for?

ORION: I wanted you to bless my quarterstaff. Make it magical. I need my staff enchanted. I would like you to enchant my staff, Pike.

ASHLEY and TRAVIS: Whoa!

ASHLEY: I know what that means.

MATT: You’ve been around Scanlan long enough.

TRAVIS: The holy symbol goes (shattering sound).

ORION: I mean in a strictly platonic, arcane sense.

MATT: What little knowledge you have of enchanting items, from your experience, and you had this a little bit as well from your own enchanting: the process of enchanting a weapon into what would be considered a magical weapon is a weeks-long process. It’s doable, definitely, but it’s one of those things where you would have to have somebody sit down with it over a period of time, and daily instill it with that magical energy until it finds its permanence within the object.

ORION: Is there anybody in town I could leave that with and pay to do that?

MATT: Probably?

ORION: A mage?

MATT: Mage, maybe not so much. There are other clerics.

TALIESIN: It’d be expensive, though. It’s somebody’s time for a week.

MARISHA: It also seems like this is one of those towns where things are expensive. Things are expensive here.

TRAVIS: Not if you know how to handle them.

ORION: Right. I’ll hold off on that.

MATT: But yes, it is totally doable.

ORION: Is it a thing that I can like start to do, hourly for a long, long time?

MATT: If you wanted to yourself, yeah.

ORION: Okay, I’m going to start that process right now.

LIAM: Here’s what I think. Lady Keyleth has been talking about this for a long time. It’s calling to her, and we’re a family now, and it’s her moment. We’re here. They’re right nearby. There’s no use putting it off. Let’s go to her family.

MARISHA: I am so nervous, you guys. I’m so scared.

LAURA: Let’s go. Should we go in the morning, or should we go now? Let’s go now.

MARISHA: We’ll go in the morning.

ORION: No, let’s sleep it off.

ASHLEY: We’ll take just a small nap.

LAURA: All right. Small nap, and then first thing in the morning.

TRAVIS: I walk up behind Vex and I tap on her opposite shoulder and pull my hand away.

LAURA: Who’s there? Hi, Pike! I’m so glad you’re here.

LIAM: Could she have one more? You need one more, Stubby, then you’ll go to bed, all right? Then you’ll go to bed.

MATT: At which point the bartender at the tavern goes, “Are you sure about that?”

TRAVIS: Yeah, one more!

ASHLEY and MARISHA: One more!

MATT: “All right. But you’re cleaning my floor.” And he goes and fills everyone’s drink.

LAURA: I tip him five gold and I give him a wink.

MATT: He happily takes it, and the wink is a strong wink. He smiles back, but also gives you the look of like, time for bed. You all eventually finish your drinks and find your way back to your respective rooms for the evening and have a good night’s rest. And on that note, we’re going to go ahead and take a five-minute restroom break on our end. We’ll be back here about five minutes or so, so don’t go too far, and we’ll kick back in the following morning for what appears to be a journey towards the Pyrah tribe of the Ashari.

MARISHA: I’m so scared! I’m so nervous!

TALIESIN: You’re going to do great!

Break
[break]

Part II
MATT: Hey guys, welcome back! We’ve had our break, so as the party comes to consciousness the following morning, a very heavy hangover coming from Vex for the evening of lamenting the loss of a number of financial things.

MARISHA: I whip her up a little herbal tonic. Here. Drink this.

LIAM: I’m taking Trinket for a walk. For dookies.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and make your beard roll.

TRAVIS: Come on, you son of a bitch. Yes! Two, two! 22!

MATT: 22. As you come to consciousness, Grog wakes up and shakes his head for a minute, and you look, and there is a good solid two-inch beard. Where was once the somewhat clear, stringy, fishing-line-type scruff, you’re starting to see a little color come into it. This thick black root is now starting to appear at the base of the beard.

TRAVIS: (singing) I feel so happy. So happy!

MATT: It is like horsehair bristles, it’s very thick, and you could probably clean dishes against it.

TRAVIS: Is it like an Abe Lincoln beard, or do I also have a mustache?

MATT: Actually, for you it’s only coming in as a chinstrap beard, at the moment.

LIAM: Oh, wow.

TRAVIS: Don’t judge.

ORION: I see Vex’s condition and I run out to get her a coffee from the bazaar, and then do my perception check on the thing.

MATT: As you’re glancing about and getting coffee for her, you manage to see a cart that’s just setting up this early in the morning in the bazaar. You hear some squeaking and growling and a couple of bird chirps. You look over to the side and there is one small setup that has a number of creatures and small animals and stuff set up in cages.

ORION: Oh! As I’m running by because the coffee’s hot. Hot. Oh, excuse me, would you happen to have any particular dragonites for sale? Male, preferably, but I will take female if you have one. (quietly) I’m just making it hotter when I blow on it.

TALIESIN: That’s funny. It took a second.

TRAVIS: What are dragonites?

LAURA: Little baby dragons?

LIAM: Like a pseudodragon.

LAURA: You going to have a little pet, too?

MATT: Okay. She glances at the coffee in your hand, “Well, I mean, we’ve got two that are a bit sickly, but they’re for purchase if you like.”

ORION: I would love one. Give me whichever’s the least sickly of the two.

MATT: “They’re both green; it’s hard to tell.”

ORION: Oh, I’ll take the darker green one.

MATT: “Okay. That one’s probably more sick, but I’ll take it.”

(laughter)

MATT: Takes the cage down, and you can see there is this lethargic-looking tiny dragonite that’s curled up on this small perch, and as she lifts it off, it goes (lizard noises) and scoffs at the cage. “That’ll be 200 gold pieces.”

ORION: Oh, very good.

MARISHA: No, don’t pay full price for a sick dragon!

MATT: “There you are, sir. Have a good day.”

ORION: Thank you very much. Any particular tips, food-wise?

MATT: “Don’t let it die. Feed it. Give it water. Good day, sir.”

ORION: Okay, so I run back and I go, oh, here you are.

LAURA: Oh, thank you.

ASHLEY: Oh, who’s that?

MARISHA: What is that?

ORION: I think I’m going to name him Lockheed.

LAURA: Trinket looks very interested in Lockheed.

MARISHA: He looks a little– oh…

MATT: Trinket’s nose goes up to the cage (sniffs).

ASHLEY: Is he sick?

TALIESIN: I don’t think it’s supposed to make that noise.

ORION: Do you want to do some healing?

ASHLEY: Yeah, I’ll do just a small healing.

MATT: Medicine check? Okay, go for it.

LIAM: Your bear shat like a fountain. Wasn’t solid. I don’t know what you’re feeding him. It was a little runny, sorry. Roughage. He needs roughage.

LAURA: Trinket, get some vegetables in your diet.

MATT: (groans, growls)

LAURA: He likes meat, what can I say?

ASHLEY: What was I rolling for?

TRAVIS: I missed Pike.

ASHLEY: Checking about the health. I rolled a seven.

MATT: He doesn’t look the healthiest.

ASHLEY: He looks really sick!

MARISHA: Can I check him out? Is he considered an animal?

MATT: No.

MARISHA: Can I check him out?

LIAM: Oh, but he’s a little cutie, isn’t he?

TRAVIS: I like him. Can I put my finger in the cage?

ORION: Lockheed.

MARISHA and LAURA: Lockheed.

TRAVIS: I put my finger in the cage and go, hello, Lockheed!

MATT: As soon as your finger gets to the edge, (snaps) he bites on the finger.

TRAVIS: He’s a real peach.

MATT: You take a point of damage.

TRAVIS: Son of a bitch!

ASHLEY: Maybe you should name him Lockheed Peach.

MARISHA: Aw, Lockheed Peach.

ORION: I think Lockheed is good enough.

MARISHA: Can I do a check on him and see if I make him feel better?

MATT: Make a medicine check.

MARISHA: Medicine check? Oh that’s not bad. 19 total.

MATT: You gather this may be some sort of a general illness that lingers for a couple of weeks. Properly fed and taken care of, would probably be able to get it through its system.

MARISHA: I reach in my pouch and pull out a few Goodberries.

MATT: Okay. You feed him through the cage. Reluctant to eat the first piece. Eventually, it takes a bite and then begins to eat the rest through the cage as you continue through breakfast.

LAURA: Can you speak with animals, Keyleth?

MARISHA: I can, but he’s not an animal. He’s a dragon-guy.

ASHLEY: Is he starting to look any better? Could I try healing him a little bit?

MATT: You can try healing. It’s more of a disease-based illness.

MARISHA: Just feed him, lots of water–

TRAVIS: I have some dry food rations if you want to give him a nibble.

MARISHA: I gave him some Goodberries. I’ll make up some more Goodberries.

ORION: We have a bunch of food and stuff. We’ll be fine. We can move on with the journey.

LAURA: So, it’s groggy, but we decided to go see your family, right? Right now?

MARISHA: I mean, I don’t want to inconvenience anyone.

LAURA: We’re going, Keyleth.

ASHLEY: We’re doing it!

TRAVIS: There’s fire.

LIAM: I’ve always wanted to see a volcano, anyway.

TALIESIN: Yes, it sounds lovely.

LAURA: I’m sure they’re all as charming as you are.

TRAVIS: You’ll win them over.

ORION: You’ll be fine.

TALIESIN: What’s the worst that could happen? Oh, never mind. That was rhetorical. Don’t actually want to know what the worst that could happen would be.

MARISHA: I have to do a trial and meet their headmaster.

TRAVIS: Royal stuff.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: Keyleth, I saw you pile-drive a beholder. Pretty sure you’re going to be all right.

TRAVIS: That’s true.

ASHLEY: Yeah, you’re going to do it.

MARISHA: It’s not even that. It’s sometimes learning about your past can be equally as terrifying. I don’t know what I’m going to find.

ORION: Well, let’s go discover it.

MARISHA: Well, from what I heard, we head south towards Sunder Peak. Towards the southwest, it’s volcanic territory.

TRAVIS: Should we ask how far it is?

MARISHA: Maybe. I only got vague directions.

LIAM: Can we see Sunder Peak from here?

MATT: The landscape is very heavily wooded, and the canopy of the forest tends to rise and lower about the height of the wall itself. You can’t really see anything beyond the wall of the city of Vasselheim, anyway.

LAURA: So remember that way, we found a hydra, so we might come across some terrible things.

TRAVIS: One of you wordsmiths go talk to somebody and ask directions.

LAURA: I flag down the nearest person.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: It’s happening. There’s nothing you can do to stop this anymore. Embrace the inevitable.

LAURA: 15.

MATT: Asking around and gathering a few folks and asking them questions, eventually you flag down one guy at the far end of the tavern; he’s an amateur cartographer who’s in the middle of sketching out the nearest area. He talks to you for a bit and you mention Sunder Peak Mountains and he goes, “Oh yeah, yes, no. Sunder Peak. It’s not too far from Vasselheim. It’s about two days’ travel, on horseback southwest. The Sunder Peak Mountains themselves, be careful; they’re pretty steep. I haven’t actually gone within the mountain range myself, but I’ve been within a few miles of it just to make sure that I can mark it on my map, but yeah. It should be fine. Stay on the road.”

LAURA: Okay, stay on the road.

MARISHA: Do you actually have a map that we could use? Borrow?

MATT: “This is not done. And I need to finish it before I can give it to a printer to make more.”

TRAVIS: What’s your girlfriend’s name?

MATT: “I should go.” And he folds up his map.

LAURA: No, wait! We’ll be on the lookout for key things in the landscape to maybe give you information for your maps?

MATT: “Well, that would be very helpful.”

LAURA: What’s your name?

MATT: “Tyriok.”

LAURA: Tyriok?

MATT: “Tyriok.”

LIAM: Matthew, we’ve been doing this for three years, and you still fucking blow me away game after game. I’m sorry. Tyriok, I meant to say.

MATT: “Anything you come across, please do take note of it. If you require a small piece of parchment, I can perhaps provide that as well.”

LAURA: Oh, yeah. Yeah.

ASHLEY: Wait, what happens if you don’t stay on the road?

MATT: “Well, forests tend to– ”

ASHLEY: I mean I have an idea, but–

MATT: “There are things that live there that are generally pretty dangerous. They’ve had people who’ve travelled on these routes and at some point they’ve been attacked. Or worse, never came back.”

ASHLEY: Wow. Do you know what they’ve been attacked by?

MATT: “I haven’t.”

ASHLEY: You don’t know.

LAURA and MARISHA: Hydra.

ASHLEY: Hydra?

LAURA: We fought a hydra, Pike.

ASHLEY: Not as in the– I understand.

LAURA: Like, five heads.

MATT: Glances back over at Grog’s ominous stare towards him again. “I should be leaving.”

LAURA: Parchment.

MATT: “Yes.” Hands you this rolled-up piece, relatively well-made.

LAURA: We will use this to make notes.

MATT: “I appreciate that greatly.”

MARISHA: You wouldn’t happen to have a compass, would you?

MATT: “No? Not that I can lend out.”

TALIESIN: We could make a compass if we really needed one. It’s not hard to make a compass.

MATT: “Anyway. I’m usually here in the morning. Just going about my business. So whenever you need to find me–”

LAURA and MARISHA: Tyriok.

MATT: He goes and heads off. You guys are welcome to prepare as you wish.

LIAM: Well, we need horses, right? We don’t want to walk.

LAURA: Don’t we have horses from our previous–

MATT: Your team has horses. This team does not.

LAURA: But we have enough horses for all of us, from our previous run.

TALIESIN: We had two extra horses.

MATT: You did.

LAURA: Yeah. Let’s just take those horses. We don’t even have to pay for them.

MARISHA: Awesome.

TRAVIS: I need a new horse, because mine’s back, the horse–

LAURA: The back buckled?

TALIESIN: You can ride the bear.

LAURA: No, he can’t.

MATT: It was pretty rough getting you there, even as a warhorse. You weigh a lot.

TRAVIS: So probably a new horse.

MARISHA: Wait. You drove the horse into the ground?

LAURA: Okay, so we need two extra horses.

LIAM: Oh, we’re getting more? Did you bust up the last one?

TRAVIS: He’s all like this.

LAURA: Okay. Let’s go find a couple of horses. I’m going to ride Trinket, so we only need one extra horse.

MARISHA: A warhorse for Grog.

LAURA: Yes? I go get a horse for Grog.

MATT: Okay. The cost of the warhorse. Initially, when you get there, the stablehand who you talked to originally, “You’ve gone already through it. I can offer you another war horse. We’re starting to run a little low, if you keep tearing through them at this rate.”

LAURA: Well, we’ll say we’re covered though, yeah.

MATT: “Oh, that’s 400 gold to purchase yourself a warhorse.”

LAURA: Oh, 400. Darling, remember who we are. We gave you excellent business before. I have no idea what I’m saying.

TRAVIS: Come on, this is your thing. Come on.

LAURA: I think, as a return customer, you can offer us more of a deal than that.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

LAURA: Come on. Natural 20!

(shouting)

TRAVIS: It’s verified. That’s a 20.

MATT: He goes, “Here. How about this. I will, based on your previous patronage, and if you can ensure that you would continue to send business my way, I would be happy to give it to you at half price.”

LAURA: Of course. Half price is a very fair deal. Grog. Pay the man.

TRAVIS: Would you be interested in negotiating? Right. 200 gold.

MATT: (chuckling) Mark off 200 gold.

ORION: Wait, for two horses? Don’t we need two?

MATT: There was a warhorse for him, and then there’s two amongst you. I don’t know if you wanted to become a horse and run.

LAURA: I was going to ride Trinket so that there were three for them.

TRAVIS: You could take the busted-up horse. It just can’t carry me anymore.

LIAM: Trinket could take Pike, too, with you.

LAURA: Yeah, me and Pike will ride Trinket.

MATT: Okay. Well, then you’re fine.

ORION: Is there another warhorse for sale for that price? Can we get the two for 400?

MATT: If you ask about this, he’s like, “That wasn’t part of the deal. If you want another warhorse, that’s a different transaction entirely.”

ORION: I’ll take one. Full price. I won’t bargain.

MATT: “400 gold.”

ASHLEY: Wait, but where do you put Lockheed Peach?

MATT: “All right. Well, I’m afraid we’re fresh out of war horses going forward. We’ll have to make sure our tamer goes out, and probably be a few months before we get another load, so take care of what you have.”

ORION: How much extra for some side saddles?

MATT: “Side saddles for that? I’ll throw those in for free, for full price purchase, certainly. Side saddlebags for your warhorse.”

LAURA: Tiberius, I want it to be known that if you keep asking me for party funds, I will not be so–

ORION: These are my personal, of course. I would not want to upset you again, milady Vex. I have missed your company.

LAURA: You’re so charming today, Tiberius.

LIAM: He called you a lady.

LAURA: He did.

(laughter)

LAURA: Let’s go see your family.

MARISHA: (high-pitched) Okay!

TRAVIS: And then if we get– if we get just outside of the– I’ll wait.

MATT: Okay. You guys gather your horses, fresh warhorse and saddlebags upon yours as well, Tiberius. Fine sturdy steeds. This one looks to be a little more physically built than the previous one you purchased. Hopefully, it should last you a little longer. Hopefully. You make your way towards the southern gate of Vasselheim. The Bastions open it for you and lead you out to the front road that exits the south side of the city. Slowly, it begins to divide into a southeast and southwest direction. You guys, using the directions you acquired previously, begin pushing yourself in the southwestern direction of the path, leading you deep into the Vesper Timberlands. You notice the canopy of the forest itself is so thick and high that it is not so much an open pathway more than it is an open archway, a tunnel that has been carved through the forest for this path. It is a very dense, very dark– even in the midday sun– pathway, and it progresses this way for miles and miles. You can hear birds and the wildlife living loudly and out in the open amongst this forest. There are certain portions of the trail that you do see are being encroached upon by the forest and trees themselves. There are roots and vines that begin to stretch and try to reclaim the road, and you get the sensation that people that traverse here a lot have to perpetually keep it clear. There is something about this forest that in itself is its own breathing entity beyond what a normal forest would be. It seems to grow at a much faster pace, and even your previous experience in the deep portions of this forest, it almost has its own omnipresent, malicious presence. Continuing down for the rest of the day, eventually the sun comes to set and what little bit of moonlight that would find its way through the canopy is entirely cut off by the thickness of the leaves and boughs of the trees. You can continue to go through the night, if you wish to.

ORION: Light! (igniting sound)

MATT: A big beacon of light blasts out, continuing pushing forward down this pathway. It’s about 9:30pm, and you have pretty good visual in front of you based on the light source that is Tiberius. How long do you want to push on forward?

LAURA: I’m a little concerned, Tiberius. I’m afraid that some creatures might be attracted to that light source. It might actually be best to–

ORION: Oh. (snuffing sound)

MATT: Darkness once again takes the pathway.

LIAM: Is there any moonlight?

MATT: You gather, glancing up, there are fractions and little pieces that give you the sense that some of the clouds have parted, and moonlight would be visible if you weren’t underneath such a thick canopy of brush. If not for your darkvision and the little bit of light in there, you’d have no visual.

LAURA: Light the end of your staff.

ORION: I’m going to cast Light under one of the flaps of my robe. (igniting sound)

LIAM: Tibs. I pull off and hand him my Cloak of Elvenkind, which is one of the reasons I’m so hard to see. Maybe we could just use that as a shroud for it, just for tonight. I’ll pass it to Tibs.

ORION: (igniting sound) I’ll cast it under that, and you can be the source of light.

MATT: Instead of a beaming beacon of bright light, it has now become essentially a hood lantern that you are now directionally focusing.

ORION: Now you look really cool.

TRAVIS: Do we want to push on, or do we want to rest? We should push on.

MARISHA: I mean, we’re all right, right?

TRAVIS: We’re all right.

MARISHA: We’re on a path?

LIAM: 9:00 at night, you said?

MATT: It’s 9:00 at night, yeah.

LIAM: I think it’s time to bed down. I mean, we’re not in Los Angeles.

MARISHA: How far did we make it?

MATT: I’d say, from when you left, it’s probably been about six hours of travel, approximately, to where you are now.

LAURA: Ooh, it would be smart. We’ve got another day’s travel tomorrow.

TRAVIS: Okay. Make camp.

TALIESIN: Let’s bed down. It’s not like we don’t have to sleep eventually.

TRAVIS: I’ll take the first watch.

MARISHA: I’ll do my Anti-Life Shell for the first hour. That way we all get an hour of good sleep.

TRAVIS: Can I trace back a hundred yards and Dust of Tracelessness it, from where we came?

LAURA: The Hunter’s Mark that I cast on that merchant. Did he stay in town, or is he out and about? Can I sense that?

MATT: At this distance?

LAURA: Six measly little hours of travel. I can track it.

LIAM: Are you haggling with the fabric of time and space?

LAURA: No, I’m just seeing if I can track the dude I put a Hunter’s Mark on, is all.

TRAVIS: She went back to the 30s.

LAURA and TRAVIS: See?

MATT: I would say, at this distance, if you’ve travelled you’ve lost contact with him, however on the way out you got the sensation that he was still in the city, just not in the thoroughfare that he was originally spotted in.

TRAVIS: Mourning getting negotiated so hard.

MATT: All right, so.

ORION: I’m going to roll real quick. I was going to do animal handling; that’s the roll? Animal handling every day so I can train it to do stuff? So I didn’t gain a point today. And I take out the Decanter of Endless Water– water, anybody?– And then I’m feeding Lockheed some.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try and cast some more ammunition, since I’m out.

MARISHA: I pull out my little book of druid spells and history, and I start freshening up on some fire spells.

LAURA: I try to get Trinket to eat some vegetables.

LIAM: I pass the fuck out.

MATT: (laughs) You conk out. Trinket takes to a couple, but seems to be reluctant as it’s not what he’s used to. It’s a good start but Trinket still likes the comfort of fresh meat.

LAURA: Trinket! Your uncle said your poo is runny. You need to eat some veggies.

MATT: (bear noises) Trinket nuzzles his nose and pushes it out of your hand on to the ground.

TRAVIS: If I have the first watch, I have darkvision, and I take out my Firebrand Warhammer as I begin my watch.

MATT: Okay. It burns like a torch in your hand.

TRAVIS: No, no fire.

MATT: No fire. Okay. You, because the only supplies you have to craft some ammunition without having an actual smithy at your disposal, it is possible; it’s just difficult. So go ahead and take your tinker’s tool check with disadvantage.

TALIESIN: God damn it. 14.

MATT: 14? You use the remainder of your supplies that are currently on you. You manage to construct 12 rounds of ammunition for your Pepperbox, but you are currently out after that. And you were down to about three pieces left?

TALIESIN: I was getting a little iffy.

MATT: I put you at a total of 15 bullets for your Pepperbox.

LAURA: Can you use bulette armor to make more bullets?

TALIESIN: I can use metal. They’re basically made of iron, so honestly I don’t know.

TRAVIS: We have two more pieces of broken-up armor and a lantern. And manacles.

LIAM: And you’re on watch, right? Before I passed out I handed him my cloak, all wadded up in a ball around it, and handed it to him.

MATT: Okay. It’s hard for you to repurpose anything metal without an actual smelter.

TALIESIN: Yeah. I knew I would just get a little bit on the road right now.

MATT: Yeah. And you can try for the Bad News ammunition. You should be about five shots left.

TALIESIN: Five shots. That sounds about enough.

ORION: So to take a long rest, I take can one hour or two hours? To still have a long rest and do stuff.

MATT: A long rest is eight hours.

ORION: So an hour before that, I’m starting to enchant the staff.

MATT: Enchanting for a staff is a day focus. You can do it slowly over time to help offset that, but it’ll take you a lot longer to do it on the road. It’s more of like, when you get back and you want to focus on enchanting it, you can get it done. Cool. You go over your spells, you have that crafted, torch, anything else before you go to bed?

TALIESIN: Do I get an up to my hit points at level 11? Do I get to roll more hit points at level 11?

MATT: Yes. Have you not done that yet?

TALIESIN: I haven’t done anything other than take my new abilities.

MATT: Okay, well let’s go ahead and do that right now.

TALIESIN: Roll a d10?

MATT: d10 plus your constitution modifier. Percy is now level 11.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that happened.

TRAVIS: Welcome!

ASHLEY: Yeah!

ALL: (sing the Super Mario level complete music)

TALIESIN: That’s ten. I’m up ten points. Hit points.

MATT: What’d you roll?

TALIESIN: I rolled an eight, and my constitution modifier is two.

MATT: Right, ten more hit points.

MARISHA: Oh and actually, you know what. Before we go to sleep, or actually first thing in the morning before I learn my new spells–

MATT: You’re also three attacks per round now, which is awesome.

TALIESIN: Yes, I am.

MARISHA: I’m also going to go ahead and be like, hey guys. I made breakfast! And make a Heroes’ Feast.

LAURA: Another Heroes’ Feast?

TRAVIS: At night or in the morning?

MARISHA: At night, because I had it learned.

MATT: Everyone’s going to eat a Heroes’ Feast before bed? Okay?

LAURA: Wait. How long does it last us?

MARISHA: 24 hours?

MATT: Yeah, it’s 24 hours.

LAURA: Okay, so until we go to bed tomorrow.

MARISHA: Yeah. Because I’m learning new spells in the morning.

TALIESIN: What do we get?

MATT: As you pull out the second gem-encrusted bowl that you purchased in the bazaar earlier, you mark off another thousand gold pieces from your personal fund, and as you guys watch, Keyleth all of a sudden puts her hands out in front of her, and from the very earth itself around your campsite (fwoosh) springs forth this long table of cornucopias and fruits and fine meats. The smell permeates the air like the best eating hall you’ve ever been to.

ORION: Oh! Bananas!

MARISHA: I thought of you.

LAURA: This is amazing, Keyleth.

ASHLEY: Oh, man!

TRAVIS: I pick up Keyleth, I give her a big squeeze. Oh, thank you.

MARISHA: (choking noises) Grog!

TRAVIS: Oh, sorry. I drop her.

ASHLEY: I’m going to try the carpet again.

MATT: Okay, so as you’re eating and chopping, you step away from the table and set the carpet down, and you grab your holy symbol, and you close your eyes, praying up to Sarenrae to hopefully in some way, shape, or form, be of an aid in restoring this once-enchanted ally.

TRAVIS: Be a zero or a one.

ASHLEY: Two.

LAURA: Isn’t that good, to roll a two?

TRAVIS: She has to hit 11 or under.

MATT: You sense that once again, the attention of Sarenrae is scattered. And at this moment in time, you feel like there is little attention towards this small arcane artifact that was lost not of your own hand.

ASHLEY: I know. I’m sorry, Sarenrae.

MARISHA: So at the top of the morning, as part of the Heroes’ Feast, everyone gets 2d12–

MATT: 2d10. 2d10 additional hit points to your maximum.

MARISHA: And you heal that, as well.

LAURA: For a day?

TRAVIS: We roll that right now?

MARISHA: And you also fill up that, as well.

ASHLEY: Yay, that’s amazing.

LIAM: That’s tight, right there.

LAURA: Tight!

LIAM: Yes, thank you for introducing that to Liam’s vocabulary.

MARISHA: Also, everyone now has advantage on their wisdom saving throws.

TRAVIS: Just for the day, right?

MARISHA: For 24 hours.

MATT: You’re immune to poison, immune to diseases, immune to being frightened, and all wisdom saving throws have advantage.

ASHLEY: Immune to being frightened? All of us?

MATT: After eating this meal, it instills you with an extremely powerful nature-based enchantment. You feel your physical form given unnatural heartiness, and the confidence instills your entire body. And so you are immune to poison, immune to disease, immune to frightened, and you get advantage on your wisdom saving throws for 24 hours.

TRAVIS: I ain’t afraid of no ghosts.

ASHLEY: The opposite of tryptophan?

MATT: A very fine, a very expensive meal. All right. You guys eventually find yourself getting to rest. Through the evening’s rest, Grog keeping watch, eventually the weight of the meal comes to your form, and you begin to fall asleep. You all wake up in the morning untouched, unscathed, but all asleep.

TRAVIS: (snoring)

LIAM: (gasps)

TRAVIS: Fuck!

ASHLEY: You fell asleep!

TRAVIS: No! No. It was just so calm that once the sun came up, I heard you– I fell asleep.

LAURA: You’ve got a lot of drool in your beard.

LIAM: I’ll take the first watch next time. Everything’s good. No use crying over spilt milk. Let’s keep going.

MARISHA: It’s good to have a good night’s sleep, though.

LIAM: Yoink. Thank you. (whoosh)

TRAVIS: Sorry! Zero… zero!

MATT: Hundred. No progression on your beard.

TRAVIS: Aw, I thought it was like the lowest roll you could ever do.

LAURA: Zero means ten. That’s a hundred. That’s the best you can do.

LIAM: The lowest you can get is ten.

TRAVIS: Shit.

LIAM: Or 11, really.

MATT: It’s all right. But you still have your fancy little Lincoln going on.

TRAVIS: They call me Honest Grog. Like Lincoln? No?

TALIESIN: No, I was there. I was with you.

TRAVIS: Zero, zero! Hundred.

LAURA: Let’s go!

MATT: All right. You ride up again, you get yourself back on the path and you progress up the pathway. You continue to ride for the next six to seven or so hours, stopping briefly to eat lunch and just get your energy up.

ORION: Feed Lockheed.

LAURA: Leftover from the big feast.

MATT: There’s been no change in Lockheed’s health visually yet. But you continue the process. You push forward for the remainder of the day, eventually getting to the end of your second day of travel. As the sun is beginning to slowly set, you watch the direction it’s passing and you can see now in the distance what appears to be a large mountain range beginning to appear above the breaks in the canopy where you can see part of the trees begin to part. There are aspects of the sky visible. You can see the clouds have regathered; there’s a little bit of sunlight that breaks through every now and then, you can see just the general glow of the sky as it pushes over, but you do see the edge of a mountain range in the distance, probably no more than a couple hours of travel to get to the actual base of.

MARISHA: (worried sounds)

ORION: That wasn’t a word.

TRAVIS: Is that an Ashari song?

MARISHA: I’m just– it’s just a lot of pressure. It’s good.

ORION: So how should we approach?

MARISHA: Well, just. Approach. Like one would. Approach.

MATT: You hear a sudden clap of thunder (thunderclap). Comes rumbling through the sky. And you can see, above the mountain range, the clouds that are gathering are very dark, and a roiling thunderstorm is starting to break over the mountain range. You see flashes of light from within, and a few other claps of thunder rolling over the mountain range.

LAURA: Does it look natural?

MATT: It looks like a thunderstorm. It’s not ominously dark more than what you’re used to, but it looks like there is a thunderstorm blowing through.

MARISHA: Can I do a nature check, see how long it’s going to hang out? Ooh, 17, that’s 27.

MATT: You take a moment and watch it. It is stationary. Taking a very close look, it doesn’t appear to be pouring any rain. It’s just a thick gathering of black thunderclouds that has yet to release its watery payload.

LAURA: What do you think, Keyleth? Does it look safe to traverse?

MARISHA: It just formed, right? We watched it happen?

MATT: As you approached and noticed, you could see that the storm is there.

ORION: Apparently, your people have a taste for the theatrics.

LAURA: Do you think that’s where they are?

MARISHA: I drop to my knees, and I do Commune With Nature.

MATT: As you spend a little time focusing on the landscape around you. What’s the range on that?

MARISHA: It’s big. 5th-level spell.

MATT: Here we go. Got it. (laugh) All right. So three miles of you. It’s a little bit beyond three miles, but you gather at least within the distance there that– nothing immediately visible, but the temperature, you can gather, gets slightly warmer as you approach the mountain range. That’s the most you can gather from this distance.

MARISHA: Looks like that’s the way.

LIAM: Is it safe to just approach?

MARISHA: That’s what I did with the Earth Ashari, but I mean, they were welcoming and kind.

ORION: Maybe they will be, too. You know, maybe they just like being warm.

ASHLEY: Do they have a reputation of being–

MARISHA: We haven’t made contact with them in almost two generations. I don’t know. Last time we made contact with them it was fine, and everyone was good, but who knows. It’s been a while, because my mother didn’t come back.

LIAM: This is maybe awkward, but you and we share something in common. Our past is awkward. I get the sense that yours is not as much. Your people, are they a mix of many kinds?

MARISHA: How we came to be– for all we know; once again, roughly a thousand years ago– certain people possessed natural abilities. We assumed we were blessed by the gods of nature, and when we realized we had these abilities and then the Sundering happened, that’s when we banded together, but it could have been anyone between humans, elves, there were a few dwarfs, gnomes. Mainly humans and elves. So we’re primarily– I guess you could say mutts. Primarily half-elven, but we separated off into our own separate tribes, so we each developed our own individual cultures, even though we came from the same root.

LIAM: But predominantly a melding of humans and elves.

MARISHA: But we’re accepting of all races. At least, the Air and the Earth Ashari are.

ORION: And I assume they are steeped in tradition, as well, such as your own people.

MARISHA: Yes, absolutely. And each tribe has its own tradition. It’s had a lot of time to develop.

ORION: Oh, I see. I’m going to reach in my– Dust of Illusion, and–

(laughter)

LIAM: Friendly fire!

ORION: It’s okay. It didn’t break.

MATT: That was the day that Orion set himself on fire.

TALIESIN: Right here, on camera.

LIAM: We just hit 7,000 subs when Orion set himself on fire!

ORION: It happens all the time when you bend it.

TALIESIN: (sputtering, laughing)

ORION: It’s fine. We’re all okay.

MARISHA: It touched my ass! It hit me in the ass.

TALIESIN: There’s, like, five jokes I’m not making right now.

ORION: And I just sprinkle some on myself, and I turn my scales silver.

MATT: Okay. (magic noise) All of your scales shift into a glistening silver color, that of the same scales that the followers of Bahamut had adorned their armor with when you went to that section of Vasselheim.

ORION: This is the color my brother Faeryn is.

LAURA: It looks good on you.

LIAM: Yes. So you’re a silver-colored dragonborn now?

ORION: If they are steeped in tradition, the metallic dragonkin are more welcome in societies, more than the chromatic. As we’ve seen.

LIAM: Judging books by their cover, yes. I ride my horse around in a circle just to face everybody and say, everyone, maybe go a bit back, go behind Keyleth. Vex'ahlia and I will trail just behind as your retinue.

MARISHA: Sure.

ASHLEY: Is there anything we can do to help? Or just make you feel a little bit more at ease?

MARISHA: I don’t know what to expect.

ORION: I have this Longbottom herb you can smoke before we go?

MARISHA: I’m good. I’ll wait.

LIAM: We need her clear, Tiberius.

MARISHA: See, what I’m most nervous about is, when I went to the Earth Tribe they said that my mother had passed through. And went through her training, and her Ulare trip, and she was fine. And then continued on.

LAURA: Maybe your mother’s still here?

MATT: (thunder) Another lightning clap.

TALIESIN: Let’s get a move on, I think.

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Keyleth, we’re all here behind you. You’ve got this.

LAURA: We’ll pretend to be your small army. You are our leader.

MARISHA: Okay. And please, don’t mention anything about us being called the SHITs when we first got started.

ASHLEY: Vox Machina, that’s all it is.

TRAVIS: Wait, is that Kashaw? Made you look. Break the tension! Never mind, you’ve got it.

MATT: You continue riding towards the mountain range at the base of the Sunder Peak Mountains. Eventually the forest begins to give way as the ground itself becomes less and less hospitable to vegetation. There’s a certain smell to the air that seems to come through the wind that buffets the bottom of the mountain range itself. It smells like a distant forest fire. Like, you can smell almost like burnt cedar, a little bit of ash to the air. You make your way to the base. Everyone roll a perception check.

LIAM: 15.

TALIESIN: 17.

MARISHA: Nervous. 14.

ASHLEY: 17.

LAURA: 15.

TRAVIS: Eight.

ORION: 13.

MARISHA: 14.

MATT: Okay. Percy. Everyone else, you look about this mountain range and it’s just the sheer edge, like there’s no real sign, outside from climbing it up, how you’d manage to find–

LAURA: Oh! Is it favored terrain?

MATT: Is mountainous part of your favored terrain?

LAURA: Oh, is it still mountains?

MATT: Yes, these are mountains. You glance up, though. You notice that there is apparently two paths that diverge at the very base. They’re very steep, back and forth switchback winding paths that lead up the front of the mountain. It’s hard to see exactly where they lead, because once they reach a certain point the rest of the mountain cliff seems to blend into itself. But you do notice there are two maybe five-foot wide, very thin switchback paths that lead up the side of the mountain.

TALIESIN: Oh look, we have two options for our ways up.

LIAM: Two paths, Percy?

TALIESIN: Two paths. I want to examine the path to see if there’s one that’s been more trod.

LIAM: Let’s choose the one less travelled, then.

TALIESIN: That won’t make much of a difference.

MATT: We’re cultured.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: 14.

MATT: 14. Glancing at the two sides, the left path appears to be far more worn. The right path is largely untouched, with a thin layer of ash coating it, so you get the feeling that one hasn’t seen use in quite some time.

TALIESIN: Are the prints going both directions, or is there a majority going one or the other?

MATT: On the left side, they seem to go both ways, but even those prints are fairly old. At least a week or two has seen any sort of traction on the path.

TALIESIN: Footprints, horse prints, both?

MATT: Footprints.

TALIESIN: No horse prints.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: What do you see, Percival?

TALIESIN: I see the path is probably too treacherous to bring the horses. We might want to leave them here. One path has barely been touched, the other one has been pretty well ridden through. I say we take the more common path.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: So you leave your horses behind? Okay.

LIAM: Are there trees to tie them up?

MATT: There are some trees towards the edge here.

LAURA: Wait, why are we taking the more traveled one? Do you think your family is more reclusive?

MARISHA: Our tribe, we generally can still make contact and trade with nearby towns, generally. There might be more traveled ones, once again I’m not sure.

LIAM: Yeah, the one that Keyleth’s people, or cousins, or whatever they are, have been taking.

MARISHA: Yeah, let’s try the path more traveled first.

MATT: So you guys leave your horses behind. You tie them up to one of the nearby trees, one that’s off to the side, leave a little bit of feed for them.

LAURA: We tied them.

MATT: Okay. You make your way up the switchback path, up the side of the mountain. It is relatively steep. It continues up at about a 40-degree incline, and there are certain moments where it tends to pinch to about a two-foot-wide path, and you have to uncomfortably put your back to the side of the mountain to get through those passes. You’re about, I’d say about an hour and a half, two hours later, the sun has officially set, and what little bit of moonlight would be brought forth is currently encased by the thunderstorm ahead, and you do still hear the occasional clap of thunder and see the occasional flash that almost seems to be happening above the range, out of visual sight.

LIAM: I think we need light so we don’t go over the edge.

ORION: Sure. (igniting sound)

MATT: Tiberius creates a beacon of light at the edge of his staff, and being centrally located to the team, is a fairly good source of visual light to the pathway. You guys continue to go up the side. I’m going to go ahead and have everybody do a constitution saving throw here.

MARISHA: Druid dice! Not good.

ORION: 18.

TALIESIN: 13.

MARISHA: Nine.

LAURA: Nine.

ASHLEY: 17.

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: This isn’t a chill-based thing. The air itself, the wind that’s blowing down, is filled with this thick ash-type dust that’s coming through here. You’re finding yourself coughing. It’s getting into your lungs a little bit.

TALIESIN: I’ve got a mask for this. I’m going to put on the mask.

MATT: Okay, you pull your mask down.

LAURA: I pull my hood up.

MATT: No immediate effects, but you find yourself unable to suppress an occasional cough. You continue up the side of the mountain. You guys pull your cloth up over your faces. You make your way. It’s pushing almost midnight at this point in time, and you’re getting tired, your legs are growing sore from the constant perpetual walk upwards at an angle. The path begins to become less of a switchback, and you can see it’s beginning to pull inwards towards what looks like a ravine in the mountain range. There’s an area where the actual mountain carves inward and leads into the mountain range proper. During that time, Vex, as you guys are making your way up to this slight inward path and it starts pushing into the mountain range, less dangerous and less pressed against the mountain as you were previously, you notice up at the top there are a few shadowed figures just out of your visual range that you can just make out over the backlight of the clouds in the sky.

LAURA: Do they look–

MATT: You can make a perception check.

LAURA: Fuck. I chose poorly. That’s terrible. Yeah. Eight.

MATT: Eight. At this distance, it’s hard to really make out any sort of visual on their form, their size, but you just see there’s a handful of them and it looks like three figures that are moving in unison along the ridge a little ways up ahead of you guys.

LAURA: Shut up.

MATT: Can I go ahead and get a stealth check from the group? With disadvantage on the ones that failed their constitution saves.

MARISHA: How do we know if we failed?

MATT: The fail is the nine or below. Yeah. I’ll let you know if it’s a fail or not, but you guys, everyone has to make a stealth check, and the ones who currently have the coughs have disadvantage on the roll.

MARISHA: Who has the coughs? How do we know?

TRAVIS: Your clanging armor didn’t do nothing!

MARISHA: Did I fail? With a nine?

MATT: With a nine? Yes, you did. You’re also coughing.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

ORION: 22.

TALIESIN: 11. MARISHA: 14.

MATT: 14?

TRAVIS: 21.

LAURA: Whoa.

ASHLEY: 19.

ALL: Whoa!

ASHLEY: I have been oiling my armor.

TRAVIS: She didn’t have disadvantage. She rolled a 17 on her constitution.

MATT: Right, so you were fine.

LIAM: How did Trinket do?

LAURA: 15. I did not roll for Trinket for either of those things.

MATT: Go ahead and roll stealth on Trinket.

LIAM: Mighty two.

TRAVIS: A mighty two.

LAURA: You’re so annoying.

TRAVIS: You know you don’t have to breathe all of it in every time.

LIAM: Oh, right, no. 15, sorry, 15. For stealth, right?

MATT: For stealth.

LIAM: (coughs loudly)

MATT: As you guys make your way into the path and she points this out, there’s a couple people that kind of, there’s a quiet silence, and then (coughing) a couple of coughs coming through. Shushed as best you can, you can see the figures shift and then vanish from sight.

TRAVIS: Should we hurry? What do you think?

LAURA: Well, they know now.

MARISHA: I’m going to do a perception check and see if I can see any sign of a village or a town or my people. 23.

MATT: Looking around, the pathway still continues upward, and it continues and then disappears over a ridge where the mountains come inward to the closest portion where the mountain range tends to break. You can’t see anything beyond that, because it’s still too far away from you.

MARISHA: Knowing my people and my tribe, would I know if these were centurions?

MATT: You have no idea. You haven’t been to this territory. You know that centurions usually are sent out, and people keep watch on the landscape around, but you have no idea.

TRAVIS: Because I know the mountains, are we still on that crappy narrow precipice?

MATT: That crappy path is starting to move inward finally towards the actual mountain; it’s starting to crest over into the top area, where it goes into almost more like a ravine where the two walls of the mountain come together to give you a small valley path that leads–

TRAVIS: Could I look and see if there are any boulder, avalanche-type situations that I can see–

MATT: Sure, make a perception check.

LIAM: Can I clarify something? Am I giving Scanlan a shoulder-ride right now, or is he knocking boots back in Vasselheim?

MATT: Yeah. Scanlan… paid well for enough attention to celebrate his current non-freezing-death or smashing by a dragon. He’s still recovering through the positive reinforcement of numerous female workers.

LIAM: Yes, I call it a tiefling trio.

TRAVIS: There’s going to be art for that.

TALIESIN: Don’t say things like that out loud.

MATT: Do you guys continue?

TALIESIN: I think so.

LAURA: Can I– I mean–

MARISHA: Let’s continue on.

MATT: All right. You continue pushing in, and this area where the mountain range tends to collide to this path that then leads on. It’s slowly winding around and heading upward and closer and closer in towards where the mountain range crests. There’s a couple more flashes of lightning, some thunder, and you all look around. ORION: I rolled an 18, because I want to do an arcana check for anything I can feel from that storm.

MATT: 18. Best you can gather, the storm is localized, it is not moving, and this type of storm seems to be more generated not because there is a gathering of storm activity or any natural rain that falls in this area– and in fact, most of the rock and landscape you see here is very dry– this usually accompanies a place of very strong power. Natural occurrences where there is a funnel or focus of some sort of unbridled arcane or divine energy tends to call this type of aberrant weather pattern to it.

MARISHA: This would sometimes happen at the Air Ashari, as well. We’d get windstorms occasionally. It happens.

MATT: You hear a strange clacking sound, and you glance up just in time to see a large boulder (booming sounds) down the mountain. So for this one in particular, this would be towards the people that are in front. That would be Keyleth, Vex, Vax, and Trinket.

MARISHA: Do I have enough time to react?

MATT: You guys can go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw.

ORION: How big is the boulder?

MATT: It’s roughly six feet in diameter. It barrels through the vicinity.

MARISHA: 23.

MATT: One?

ORION: Can I try to do something right now?

MATT: We’ll let them do the reaction first.

LAURA: What was my number? It was 13? 13 for me, and Trinket gets 13, as well.

MATT: 13 and 13.

ORION: Can I try and do something?

MATT: As soon as I finish their action, basically the boulder (smack) and they all tried to dodge out of the way, and then you can do your action.

ORION: I’m going to try to cast Telekinesis, and (whoosh).

MATT: Okay. The casting of the spell itself takes a moment. It’s one of those things where it’s not an instant thing, you have to do the motions for it. It’s not so much instant. However, as the boulder manages to roll by, all of you except for Vax manage to roll out of the way in time. Everyone ducked out as the boulder trucks past. You take 16 points of bludgeoning damage as the boulder slams into your side.

MARISHA: 60?

MARISHA, MATT, and TALIESIN: 16

MATT: You immediately glance up to the top, and you can now see three figures have gathered at the very top of this ridge, and you can see two more are lifting boulders.

TRAVIS: Lifting boulders?

LAURA: Oh, are they giants? Are they more fucking giants?

MATT: Glancing up, best you can see, and they’re about 45 to 50 feet up on this ridge-line. They appear to be larger than normal humans. They are humanoid. You, with your highest perception, glance up and you can see each one has two heads across one set of shoulders. (straining noises)

LAURA: Can we get in a place that boulders won’t hit us? If we get right up against the cliff face?

MATT: You can certainly try.

ORION: So now we see that happening?

MATT: You guys all see this happening now.

ORION: Cool, so as I see the next one I cast Telekinesis on the one he’s about to throw and huck it right back at him.

MATT: Okay. One of the boulders gets loosed; now this one’s coming towards the bottom group here as Tiberius, you reach up and do that. Go ahead and roll a strength check, with the strength of the boulder, which I believe is– (muttering) What’s the strength check on this boulder?

MARISHA: How far away are they, roughly?

MATT: They’re about 45 to 50 feet up on the pathway.

TRAVIS: We could just bolt. We’re at the bottom of the valley.

MATT: All right, so you just roll and add five. Roll and add five to your d20.

ORION: Okay, that was 15.

MATT: 15? He rolled a five, even with his strength bonus. He throws the boulder down, the boulder smacks him right back in the face. You can see he just (groans) tips over backward out of visual range, there are now two of them currently visible at the top. All right, so go ahead and make your attack; the rest of you guys get a round. However, at this point in time as you guys are preparing, the second boulder comes crashing down towards the second half. I need Percy, Pike, Grog, and Tiberius to make dexterity saving throws.

MARISHA: Do you guys want to run?

ORION: Nope. Got a solid five.

MATT: Dexterity saving throw. Five?

LAURA: 14 on the first one.

TALIESIN: 18.

MATT: Okay. 14 is fine.

TRAVIS: 13.

ASHLEY: 15?

MATT: 15? Okay. All but Tiberius, you guys dodge out the way. Tiberius, who’s concentrating on the Telekinesis– (impact noise) The secondary boulder, unfortunately, connects. You take 12 points of bludgeoning damage. I need you to make a concentration check. Roll a d20. Add five to it.

ORION: That’s 24.

MATT: 24? Yeah, you maintain concentration. As it almost knocks you off your side, you manage to (grunts) maintain your focus on the spell; your Telekinesis is still going.

LAURA: I try to hit him with an arrow.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: 16.

MATT: 16 hits. You go (flying arrow) you loose it and it goes hurtling up the side through the darkness and it finds purchase somewhere in the face of the entity. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Yeah! 17.

MATT: 17, nice.

LAURA: I didn’t Hunter’s Mark him.

TALIESIN: Is the entity still lifting boulders?

MATT: There are two entities currently that are still up. One you can’t see because it got the boulder smashed back into its face.

TRAVIS: As much as I like being targets for their lawn bowling, we are in the bottom of a fucking valley.

MARISHA: Yeah, we’re in a death pit, man.

ASHLEY: Run.

MATT: You guys just run? Okay. You start bolting forward (heavy steps). You can see the two entities now reach over and grab rocks and start running.

ASHLEY: Run zig-zags!

MARISHA: I turn around where they are right in front and throw up a big Wall of Stone.

MATT: They both throw boulders overhead, now arcing, missing the entire ravine trying to get it downward.

ORION: Is my thing still going?

MATT: Your Telekinesis is still going, yeah.

ORION: I’m going to catch one and (whoosh).

MARISHA: Don’t take out my Wall of Stone!

ORION: No, I’m going to whack the dude.

MATT: One of them rolls down, and it would have impacted except for the Wall of Stone, it hits– let me see the strength of that– oh, it rolled a one on its strength. The boulder slams right at the bottom of the ravine, gets even more speed as it ramps up like a bowling ball and slams into the stone wall. The stone wall (impact noise) heaves and cracks, and portions of it fall and collapse, but it does manage to stop the force of that boulder. The second one comes overhead towards you. Go ahead and make a d20 roll and add five to it.

ORION: 19.

MATT: 19? Yeah, I rolled an eight. You manage to (straining) catch the boulder. It’s just on the cusp of the weight limit you would have on Telekinesis, but you manage to stop it in mid-air and catch it. You’re just throwing it off to the side?

ORION: No, I’m going to huck it right back to the other guy again! (swish, whoosh)

MATT: Okay. It’s a heavy boulder and it’s a long 50-foot distance away so I’m going to go ahead and have you roll another d20 plus five.

ORION: That’s 14.

MATT: 14. You manage to stop it from crushing your party, and you throw it up and it manages to roll up the side, get partway up, and then continue arcing and rolling down. Away from you guys, safely. Skee ball style.

MARISHA: Running!

LAURA: I pat Tiberius on the back as I pull him along. Run!

MATT: You guys keep running. You notice as you’re bolting forward, the two entities that are looming reach over and–

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to stop, if I see one pick up a ball, I’m going to stop and take an action, if that’s okay.

MATT: Sure, go for it.

TALIESIN: I’m going to swing around, I’m going to pull Bad News out as I swing around, back myself down, and I’m taking an aimed shot at its arm.

MATT: Okay, go for it. You’re spending a grit point?

TALIESIN: Spending a grit point. It’s been so long. There we are. Yeah! Oh, the curse is broken, that’s 29, 31.

MATT: 31. Definitively hits.

TALIESIN: 31.

MATT: What does the arm shot do? It’s no damage, right?

TALIESIN: The arm shot is– okay, sorry. It’s been a while. I’ve never done this one before. No damage, but it drops one item of my choice.

MATT: So as it’s lifting the boulder, you fire, and it hits the elbow out from under it.

TALIESIN: And I use the strength of the shot to pick myself up and keep on running.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make an acrobatics check. So as one of them is lifting a giant boulder–

TALIESIN: 23.

MATT: 23? You’re fine. Percy swings around, fires Bad News. That echoes through the entire ravine, (echoing gunshot) acting as a sound focus. You hear it echoing outward from the blast that sends Percy back, but Percy turns around, throws his arm down on the ground, and using the momentum from the blast picks himself up, leaps onto his feet, and continues running in time with the rest of you, a trail of smoke billowing behind him from the barrel of Bad News, which you can see is now glowing with a bit of red warmth, the metal itself heated from the sheer force of the blast. At this time, you look up and see one of the entities with the two heads is lifting a boulder over its head. One of its elbows (gunshot) out from under it (collapsing sound) as it collapses onto its head, and that one also falls out of view as the other one looks back and sets the boulder down. Starts shaking its fists at the air (angry grunting).

MARISHA: (laughs) Rabble rabble.

TRAVIS: In Giant I call back, fuck you!

MATT: In Giant?

TRAVIS: I don’t know if it is a giant. It had two heads.

TALIESIN: That felt really good.

MATT: You recognize the echoing voice, it says, “Come back here, food!” But you shout that back at it. It goes, “Hey!” You guys have just charged. At which point, the ravine begins to open into what looks like a– let me get a little out of this chaos here– the ravine opens up into a valley. It looks like the top of this mountain range, the top crested area surrounds this valley that slowly descends into the center of this large mountain. You guys have walked up the outside of it. ORION: A hidden valley.

ASHLEY: Hidden Valley ranch. Sorry, it sounds so stupid.

(laughter)

MATT: The valley itself is roughly three miles across to the other side of this crested mountain range.

MARISHA: Three miles?

MATT: Yeah. You notice this valley is actually a settled-in, bowl-like caldera. You realize this particular mountain was once, or possibly still is, an active volcano. As you begin to move in closer, the ground itself becomes more and more jagged, with what looks like broken obsidian rock, sharp volcanic stone and glass. It is a very warm heat that this area tends to give off, and the temperature is now significantly causing you to sweat. Not just from the run, but the severe change in temperature from what you’re used to in this area of the continent.

ORION: This feels great to me. I’m stretching out my scales, letting the heat in. Oh yeah, that’s good.

MATT: The air, now, the burning wooden ash smell is becoming much stronger, and you re-adjust your cloth to cover your mouth. You also, as you begin to push closer and closer towards the center, you begin to see occasional pools of ashy mud dotting the landscape, where sulfurous gas caused the liquid earth to bubble and fume in certain patches.

ORION: Lady Keyleth, is that you? Oh, it’s–

ASHLEY: Oh, are we–?

MATT: Everyone go ahead and roll perception.

ORION: As they are doing this with their noses, I’m going to open my bottle of air and just have it (soft spraying sound).

MARISHA: Ooh! 28.

TALIESIN: 15.

ASHLEY: 13.

LAURA: 12, man.

LIAM: One.

LAURA: What is our rolls tonight?

MARISHA: Twinsies. Twinsies rolls.

ORION: That is a negative two.

MATT: (laughing) Okay!

ORION: There, see?

LIAM: Take that, game, take that.

MATT: Far off in the distance, Keyleth, as the rest of you look at the landscape, you see what looks like a small forest, a very localized forest right in the center of the valley. You can see a cluster of trees that exists about a mile, a mile and a half away from your current position. As you guys continue pushing forward, you start seeing larger stone clusters and formations, almost like a very violent activity were forcing and jutting up portions of stone out of this caldera at some point.

MARISHA: Can I do a nature check to see if it’s natural, from earthquakes, or if earthbenders have done it? 25. MATT: Looking at it, it appears that a lot of it appears to be natural, but there are portions that appear to be sculpted or have sections that are cleaved off or taken by possible tools for use of building or other purposes.

MARISHA: And most of it appears to be obsidian?

MATT: Obsidian, volcanic rock, which is very porous and light and somewhat brittle in places, and occasionally you see sections of glass, smooth glass that fill pockets across the ground. As you get about half a mile to three-quarters of a mile into this caldera, towards that forest you were seeing in the distance, there is a loud grinding of stone out of nowhere, this (grinding) sound. All of you glance around as suddenly (whooshing) a series of stone walls rise out of the ground, surrounding you. Front, back, side to side, and a fifth one closes the top off. You are now left in complete darkness, imprisoned in what seems to be some sort of a stone cube.

ORION: What? (Light sound effect)

TRAVIS: Oh my god!

ORION: Sorry.

LAURA: Really bright in here.

MATT: As you look around indeed, relatively rough-looking stone walls have completely encapsulated you guys on all five sides. You are all entirely trapped inside the structure about 40 feet high and 40 feet across.

LAURA: We dig? We dig down? Can we dig?

ORION: I think a Fireball can do this– no I’m just kidding.

TRAVIS: I take the warhammer, activate it and run up towards the walls and swing as hard as I can into one of the walls.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll a strength check.

TRAVIS: (strained wince)

ASHLEY: Can I assist?

MATT: (laughs) If you want to. You rush up with you mace, as well.

TRAVIS: 19.

ASHLEY: Oh, you don’t need assistance.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I do. From Pike, anytime.

LAURA and ASHLEY: Nine.

MATT: So the two of you together slam your weapons into the side of the wall, a portion of the stone cracks a little and chips fall out, but the stone still stands pretty solidly.

LIAM: Everybody stop! Keyleth!

MARISHA: Can I see through it where they chipped away?

MATT: Where they chipped away, there’s still more stone behind. You’re not sure how thick these walls are.

LIAM: We just wait or Keyleth talks. Wait.

MATT: About a moment later, you see a small red glow appear from a portion of the wall on the opposite side. Red glow, looking like a portion of the stone, about this wide, begins to glow bright red before dripping off molten, leaving a small slit. You can now see through the slit, a few heads appearing as one steps into, eyes, shifting, peering through the small space. “You trespass into our home. I will ask you once your business before we let the mountain’s fury take you.”

MARISHA: Please. I am Keyleth of the Air Ashari, and I am here to further my Aramente.

MATT: He looks back for a second. Go ahead and make a persuasion roll with advantage.

LIAM: I kneel down toward Keyleth.

LAURA: And I bow.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: And I look around and I’m like–

MATT: So?

MARISHA: Persuasion?

MATT: With advantage.

LAURA: Can we assist?

LIAM: We’re doing it.

MARISHA: Persuasion’s not good. Ten.

ORION: I don’t bow. I’m still at her side.

MATT: You guys have all kneeled around her. There is a moment where they all look about themselves. “So, Keyleth of the Air Ashari, you know of our people, you trek up here with a group of strangers at your sides, welcome weapons at the ready. I ask you, for the Aramente, whom do you call family? Whom gave you to this world?”

MARISHA: My father, Korren, and my mother, Vilya. My mother was my predecessor. Wait, no, that’s– right? Yes, predecessor.

ORION: Yes, your Highness.

MARISHA: She followed in my path. I’m following in her path.

MATT: The eyes have now moved away from the slot.

MARISHA: Damn it. God, I’m so bad at being eloquent.

MATT: A moment later, you hear a large (stone crushing), a large impact sound and a voice say, “Stand back!”

LAURA: How?

ASHLEY: For what?

TRAVIS: We all back up.

MATT: As you all back away, the front wall of stone that was put up before you, that the eyes were looking through, suddenly (crashing) crumbles into a pile on its own, revealing the caldera before you, once again. There stand about ten individuals, all dressed in what looks like dark brown and black hides and leathers, with sections of what looks like obsidian-tipped weapons, certain arrows are cocked at the ready against the rest of you, and one individual, the one that was speaking to you earlier comes forward. You see all of these people, they are from varying races: dwarves, halflings, humans, about three half-elves among them, when an elven man comes forth, and you recognize through the eyes and the tone of voice, this is the one that spoke to you through the slit in the stone. He has no hair. Completely bald of all hair. Tattooed darkness around his eyes and you can see his entire left arm is covered in a long-healed but horrible burn scar. He steps up and gives you a nod of affirmation. “Then you shall tell this to the Flamespeaker. If you are indeed Ashari, he will know what to do with you. Come with us.”

MARISHA: And what, might I ask, is your name?

MATT: Glances back over his shoulder. “Calhoun. But I’m not the one you wish to speak with.”

ORION: Hi, I’m Tiberius Stormwind.

MATT: He turns around and continues walking back towards the forest.

MARISHA: Let me do all the talking this time.

LAURA: Would you like us to follow you, Your Majesty?

MARISHA: Oh, you don’t– yes, family, my brothers and sisters.

LAURA: Got it.

MATT: You guys continue walking alongside Keyleth, and as you do, most of the druids flank you to each side, about four of them, with arrows still drawn, walking behind you as you progress. They are still armed and keeping a close eye on you as you travel.

LAURA: This is really not necessary.

MARISHA: Just let them do it.

MATT: Calhoun leads the way and you guys continue traveling for about half an hour or so until eventually you begin to reach an area where you see more of these rock structures, but many of them have been carved out, or a series of stones have been gathered to build small huts and abodes. You can see this is essentially a village built from all the materials that were scavenged from or brought to this caldera to construct Pyrah, the realm of the Fire Ashari. As you move through the town, silence still claims the entirety of the druids that are escorting you, with Calhoun leading the way. You can see other druids begin coming out of their abodes, glancing around and watching you as you approach. No scowls, no smiles, just a general air of indifference amongst them as they carefully watch the strange outsiders stepping through their homestead. You are then led through the village to the outskirts of this forest. Now, the forest you see, as you get closer, all the trees are long dead and petrified. There is not a leaf among them, and most of the wood you see is either gray or black from being charred, burned, or dying over time and being petrified. As you head towards the edge of the forest, Calhoun stops and turns around and just crosses his arms and stares at you. “Sh.” At which point, the ground (explosion) shudders and you can see, in the distance, from within the forest almost, you see a large spray of molten rock disappear into the loose canopy of the burned trees before you, some sort of brief volcanic eruption seems to have sprayed out from the center of this cluster of dead trees. About 20 seconds later, you see a shape begin to emerge from the dead forest. Stepping out of the shadows, you see a man standing there. Human, very thick, sturdy build. No shirt, brass-colored bracers, long, billowing pants of a deep maroon color, with gold trim and designs. His skin is very darkened, whether by blood or by sun. He has a very dark complexion to him. His hair is long and jet black. You see his jaw is very square, and his cold black eyes show no emotion as he ignores the rest of you and steps toward Keyleth. (heavy footsteps) He walks right up to you. Now he’s looking down at you. He’s standing probably a good foot and a half taller. Once again, no emotion, no expression. “You are kin of Vilya, are you?”

MARISHA: I’m… King of Vilya?

ORION: Kin.

MARISHA: Oh, kin of Vilya. Yes, I am.

MATT: “I am Cerkonos, the Flamespeaker of Pyrah, the guardian of this rift. Welcome to Pyrah, my child. I must ask: why have you come?”

MARISHA: I am here to complete my Aramente. I have already been to the Earth tribe.

MATT: He crosses his arms for a moment.

MARISHA: My mother, Vilya, never returned to Zephra.

MATT: “For you to be here on your Aramente, it is proof that she did not complete hers, or at least is no longer with us. I am sorry. She was strong of heart.”

MARISHA: So she came through here?

MATT: “She did. She completed the trial, the challenges, and moved on to continue her Aramente about ten or so years back.”

MARISHA: Only ten years ago! She’s been gone for close to 20.

LAURA: How long was she here?

MARISHA: Yes, how long was she here?

MATT: “She stayed naught but three or four days… and then her journey took her. I’d hoped wherever she was, she was safe.”

LAURA: Can I check him to see if he is telling the truth? 22.

MATT: He seems stern, but honest. His words, genuinely, come from a place of worry and a tinge of regret at the knowledge that he’s just received. “Your mother was strong of heart and was very fierce. She could stir the heart of the mountains themselves with a word. She was very well respected amongst us.”

MARISHA: She was better than I am.

MATT: “I hope not.” At this moment his face becomes a little darker and he says, “Korren? I assume he is well?”

MARISHA: He is. As stubborn as always.

MATT: (laughs) “Well, you come with compatriots. You trust them?”

MARISHA: Yes. These are my traveling companions, Vox Machina. They’ve proven themselves time and time again. We’ve been together for almost over a year now.

MATT: “Do you trust them?”

MARISHA: I do. We actually have a keep now in Emon.

MATT: “Good. You’ll need trust. You are here to learn, then, for your Aramente. To be tested, yes?”

MARISHA: Correct.

MATT: “Then speak what you’ve learned to seek, what you wish to learn. What do you lack? What will be your death?”

MARISHA: I have actually seen a vision of my death. From not having the will to do what is necessary, for fear of harming others, instead of protecting myself.

MATT: “Then the test begins now, without preparation. Do you also wish to join her in this task?”

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Yes.

MATT: For the first time, you see a smile across his face. Beneath it, you can see the gleaming, white, toothy grin of the man that acknowledges some sort of honor. “Then the trial shall commence. Come, within Cindergrove.” He turns around and heads back into the forest. The rest of the druids have stepped back now. They’ve left you to your own devices.

TRAVIS: A vision of your death?

MARISHA: Part of one of the ceremonies that the Earth tribe gives is called the Alore ceremony. It’s a tea that they make that is derived from a local plant that– It’s essentially a vision quest tea; it gives you visions. It’s a cultural tradition, I guess. I saw two paths. One was an older woman, who was wise and hardened and brave, and she had a line of young Ashari behind her. And I ran away. I feel like she was me. And I ran away, and I went down another path. There was a tree. It was young, but strong, and it had a familiarity. As I reached out and touched it, my vision was taken through the path of the roots, and I could see the world, and I could see how everything was connected, and it took me to you all. And you were strong and fighting and proud, and then Vax yelled out, “This one is for Keyleth!” I wasn’t with you. And then Grog yelled out, “This is for our princess!” And it broke away, and I realized that I was that tree, and it was my death. And as I ran to the other side, I went back to the old woman, and all of my people slowly started fading behind her, and as she looked at me, she said, “Your future is as important as it is fragile. Protect it.” And she, too, faded away. I realized she was me. And when I came out of my vision, I talked with the Earth Headmaster Patisse, and she told me that if I was going to survive, I needed to have the will to do what was necessary, and the strength. And ever since the child, it’s been hard. I was there for a long time at the Earth Tribe, longer than most stay on their Aramente. I couldn’t get through the trial; every time I used a natural magic, every time I tried to fight, I just saw flashes of that child’s eyes. I was blocked. Normally, they save the Alore ceremony for the final testament, but they actually started me with the Alore ceremony in order to help hopefully unlock my spiritual blocking that I was having. But I don’t know…

ORION: So what now, Your Highness?

MARISHA: Continue on and hope I don’t make a fatal mistake. Hope that I can learn.

ORION: We won’t let that happen.

MARISHA: I hope I don’t let you guys down.

TALIESIN: We face this together.

MATT: (explosion) There’s another shake of the ground as you see another spray of molten rock, (spraying) and you hear pattering in the distance of the forest.

LAURA: We’ll do this together.

TRAVIS: We’re with you to the end.

MARISHA: I love you all.

MATT: You all move together into the Cindergrove forest, pushing through the hardened, blackened tree trunks to the left and the right of you. The actual floor of the forest, what appears to be piles and piles of burnt-away brush, ash, and whatever else once was considered life amongst the boughs of these trees when they grew there. Eventually, you find your way to the center of the forest, and you can see now the source of these molten rock sprays. There is a large crevasse bisecting the center of the forest, about 35 to 40 feet across and about five feet wide that is a pool of slowly roiling lava. You can see the actual air around it is heavily warped by this intense heat that’s being released, and all the trees that are immediately around it are all warped and bent and have been burnt to near lack of recognition. Standing there, amongst the edge of it, is Cerkonos with his arms crossed, trained on you, Keyleth. You see occasionally a couple of bubbles (lava bubbling) in the lava behind him, and even his form is shifting from behind as the air itself ripples and changes. He looks at you and says, “Sit. Focus. Ask permission.”

MARISHA: I do as he says.

MATT: Go ahead and make a wisdom check. Roll a d20. Add your wisdom bonus.

MARISHA: 27.

MATT: 27. As you sit down and close your eyes, you begin to focus your mind towards the center of this mountain, the heart of the fire that gives it its life, and as you all watch, a minute passes of silence before suddenly the ground shifts again and you can see the lava begin to grow more and more active, sending off little spittles of rock.

MARISHA: I push it out and continue to focus.

MATT: You guys begin to see now the lava is shifting and beginning to roil and you’re almost afraid it’s going to start bubbling over and fill the area, and this nervousness grips your heart. Especially you, Vax, who had previously had some unhappy run-ins with molten rock. It’s a genuine fear that you hadn’t quite acknowledged since that moment, and you begin to feel really uncomfortable being this close to this opening. As you continue to focus, you hear Cerkonos’s voice again, calm and methodical. “Ask permission.” I’d like you to go ahead and roll a nature check.

MARISHA: 19.

MATT: 19. (rock scraping) The ground shifts again. You can now watch the lava. Strangely enough, it’s beginning to billow upward but not spill over the edges of the crevasse. It’s actually slowly circling. You hear this strange sucking sound, almost like sludge is being pulled through a tube, and the lava beginning to slowly spin and spin. Cerkonos is still– the back of him you can only imagine is either burnt to a crisp by the sheer proximity of the heat, but he is unmoved.

MARISHA: I push it out and continue to focus. Just focus and meditate on asking permission.

MATT: “Keyleth of the Air Ashari. Ask permission!” Go ahead and roll one more wisdom check. d20 plus five. This time, with advantage.

MARISHA: Oh my god, I rolled the same thing twice. Wisdom, five. 18.

MATT: 18. At this point, you guys notice one final shift of the ground, and the trees actually crack, and you see bits of broken branch and tree begin to fall and hit the ground around you. The air is beginning to pick up, and even though you try and cover your face the ash is still pushing through and your eyes are starting to hurt. You feel suddenly this blockage, this tension, like the mountain was fighting you, give way. And in that moment you (gasps) breathe in and open your eyes, and you all notice that the lava that has been slowly circling now (whoosh) pulls down into a vortex that disappears into the crevasse and is now a spinning whirlpool of molten rock in the crevasse, as Cerkonos still stands there. Cerkonos now steps aside and seems to vanish from your sight in but an instant, his voice lingering in the air, saying, “Now, you may enter.” Looking down, you lean over and you can see this slow spiral of molten rock. It seems to disappear 15 to 20 feet below, you cannot see the bottom of it, and when you try and lean forward the heat is so intense that you have to close your eyes; you’re forced to. There is a leap of faith here.

MARISHA: Before I leap down, I cast Protection from Flame on myself? Or Protection from Energy, and I’m going to use fire.

MATT: Which gives you fire resistance?

MARISHA: Gives me fire resistance.

MATT: Okay, good to know. And then… Keyleth?

MARISHA: I close my eyes and let myself fall.

MATT: You guys watch as Keyleth steps forward and tumbles off the edge, into the vortex of molten rock. (whoosh) She’s gone.

LIAM: I look to my sister and grab her by the shoulder and squeeze. Then I dive in.

LAURA: Oh, shit. Are we doing this?

MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw, as this is fighting a very strong fear of yours.

ASHLEY: Because we had the Heroes’ Feast, are we not frightened?

MARISHA: Oh my god, that’s true. You have advantage on all of our wisdom saving throws, from the Heroes’ Feast.

LIAM: 16.

MATT: Okay. You shrug it off, and the thought of your sister, the thought of Keyleth, the thought of the moments of connection you guys have had, you push through that pain and you leap and swan dive into the vortex.

ORION: I cast Stoneskin. (whoosh)

MATT: You leap off. Tiberius dives in, as well. All of you guys jump in. You don’t need to roll anything. It was only because of his fear he had to. The rest of you leap into this vortex.

LAURA: Trinket! Jump? Come. I smack him on the butt, and I jump in after him.

MATT: And Trinket (roaring) leaps in, looking over his shoulder at you like, what have you done?!

LAURA: You’re brave! Very brave!

MATT: As you all individually leap through, it’s interesting. There’s a falling sensation, and then gravity seems to shift. You’re facing downward, but you feel gravity begin to pull you to the side, and your feet find purchase on what seems like the lava spiral, but it doesn’t burn. You step on it like it’s hard rock, shifting slowly beneath your feet, where you have to continuously change your step, like a slowly rotating tunnel you’re walking through, and you’re walking downward, downward, this way. And you see light before you, very bright light, and you move towards it and move towards it, and your eyes try and focus, and you cover your vision, and eventually you step out of this tunnel and it takes a moment for your eyes to focus, and looking around you, you see a vast barren wasteland of black cinders, embers, and ash, for miles and miles around you. Thin rivers of lava cut across the plains like blood splatter.

MARISHA: Oh my god, we’re in the Plane of Fire.

MATT: The wind blows extremely strongly, and the atmosphere is dry and nearly unbearably hot, like the hottest desert you’ve ever imagined. An intolerably blazing sun is coming to rest near a distant mountain range, but your eyes catch an even more distant danger: a black, roiling cinderstorm a few miles off, red lightning flashing within its turbulent ash clouds. It looks to be moving away from you, thankfully, but you do indeed find yourself standing in the center of the Elemental Plane of Fire. A voice echoes from behind you, and you look over your shoulder, and you can see there is a circular doorway still held aloft there, shifting slowly, the vortex you stepped out of still locked in place. A voice says, “Stay together. Follow the footsteps. When you find the stone spire, there you will find your trial.”

MARISHA: Okay…

ORION: Just to note: when I cast Stoneskin, I didn’t do the concentration. I let go of the Alter Self.

MATT: Right. That was illusion dust, so it’s fine.

LAURA: Well, we follow footsteps; I can track footprints.

MARISHA: Okay, sure. Yeah. He might mean more metaphorically. I’m not sure. It could be either. It’s hard to tell. Can I sit and take a minute to meditate, and see if I can connect with my mother and see if I can find some sort of trace? Essence?

MATT: Make another wisdom check.

LAURA: And I want to use Primeval Awareness.

MARISHA: I have advantage, right? I’ll take that 15. Thank you. It was a one. So that’s 28.

LAURA: Can I use Primeval Awareness to see if there’s any aberrations, celestials, elementals, fiends, undead? Any scary things? Dragons? Within six miles. No. A mile.

MATT: You sense there is a very, very faint comfort in this path, so you know it’s been walked before. You’re unable to glean anything beyond that, but you know you’re on the right path, but your mother’s been gone a long time. Surprising you’ve even caught wind of this type of an essence lingering.

MARISHA: Any direction of which way the essence might be blowing?

MATT: It’s hard to tell. Make an investigation check. You sense within the mile– because it’s not like blips on a radar, you just generally sense something nearby. In three different directions, elemental presence. Strong elemental presence. You glance up. Very strong elemental presence as all of you can see, about a quarter mile, half mile away, you see there’s something drifting in the sky that is burning like a beacon.

TRAVIS: What.

MARISHA: It’s a fire elemental.

MATT: What did you roll?

MARISHA: 16.

MATT: 16. Glancing about, trying to gather a sense of direction, you look and notice that there’s no footsteps. There’s no sign of any sort of stepping. The wind that blows through here, and there’s a strong wind, and all of you are having to keep your eyes closed and arms up to try and block your vision from the wind. And it is a perpetual difficulty to even just breathe here. Every inhale burns the inside of your lungs.

ORION: Oh! (pop)

MATT: There you go. Tiberius has a big old bottle in his mouth now. Like a magical pacifier, and you’ve got your mask on, which is helping. It is still very hot here, and under all the armor you’re wearing, you immediately break into a very heavy sweat. You notice though that, through your investigation and the connection with your mother and the directional sense, while there are no tracks, there are small pools of lava that progress in a pattern, one that would even resemble footsteps of a giant or some sort of large creature.

MARISHA: Let’s head that way. Let’s follow this lava trail. Looks promising.

TRAVIS: We’re behind you.

MATT: All right. You guys begin pushing forward, blazing sun bearing down on you, heading towards the direction of these pools of lava, and they scatter a bit, but there is a general direction you are able to follow.

LAURA: (quietly) There’s no way to stealth here, is there? Cover ourselves in ash or something to make us less visible?

MATT: What are you doing?

LAURA: Is it possible to cover us in ash and try to make us less visible to the elementals?

MATT: You can certainly try.

MARISHA: Do you have Pass Without a Trace right now?

LAURA: I do have Pass Without a Trace. I can cast that on us.

MATT: Okay. So you cast Pass Without a Trace on the group. As you do, the magic pools, a bunch of the ashes (whoosh) from the ground surround each of you, and there’s this gentle cloud of ash that just tends to drift off your body and perpetually replace itself from the surrounding terrain. It does offer you some blanket of visual obscuring from any sort of high vantage point or distant vantage point. Up close, not so much. I’ll have all of you guys roll a stealth check. With a plus ten bonus from the spell.

LIAM: Cloak of Elvenkind is with advantage; would that take place here?

MATT: It would, yes.

MARISHA: 25.

TRAVIS: 17.

TALIESIN: 19.

ASHLEY: 23.

MATT: With the disadvantage? Because you have heavy armor on.

ASHLEY: Let me do it again.

TRAVIS: The feast thing? No?

ASHLEY: Natural 20.

MATT: But you still get the other one, which is still good.

LIAM: Plus ten, 38.

MATT: (mocking) Oh, I’m such a rogue. What did you get?

LAURA: 22.

TALIESIN: 17.

MATT: All right. As you guys continue moving forward, the wind still buffeting you to the side, you hear this (distant animal screeching). You glance in the distance and you can see, flying through the sky, a very, very large, ancient even, red-scaled draconic beast. For those who are familiar with the training, the Elemental Plane of Fire does seem to be a very prominent home to such dragons as the red. You guys notice this and stop in place and keep low. As time passes, eventually it moves past, heading towards the distant mountain range. Thank god you cast that spell. You wait a little while, until it’s out of sight and beyond your vision. You keep pushing forward another 20 to 30 minutes or so through this hellish landscape. The heat is starting to get to you guys. I need everyone to go ahead and make a constitution saving throw.

ORION: 21.

MARISHA: Do I get anything for having my protection from fire?

MATT: I’ll say, give you advantage for this.

TALIESIN: My mask doesn’t give me any advantage, does it?

MATT: Not for heat. This is the general atmospheric heat.

TALIESIN: 11.

LIAM: 13.

TRAVIS: 20.

ASHLEY: 13.

MATT: You all are feeling the heat starting to get to you, but currently it doesn’t seem to be fully affecting you; you get the feeling the longer you stay here, the more it’s going to have an effect on you. However, you’re still pushing through without a problem. You push on for another ten minutes or so before you come across a few more of these streams of lava, and there, about 20 to 30 feet ahead of you, you see a single stone obelisk that rises out of the ground about 15 feet up, and towards the top you see embedded in it a single, mildly glowing, what looks like a fist- or heart-sized ruby that is embedded into it like a beacon, or a small fiery lighthouse in the center of this open plain.

LAURA: That’s pretty.

MARISHA: That looks like a stone spire to me.

TRAVIS: Well, it’s shiny.

MARISHA: It’s rather shiny, yeah. Let’s go there.

MATT: All right. As you guys approach, stepping towards the obelisk, around the back of it, make a perception check.

LAURA: 17.

MATT: All right. So. As you begin to step forward, you instinctively stop as you see figures step out from behind the spire. Three normal humans– in fact, immediately you recognize stepping from behind it is Cerkonos and two of the other druids that you had accompany you into this. Cerkonos walks towards you, arms still crossed, in front of the spire. You see his wind being blown to the side from the sheer force of the heated winds that are blowing through this barren landscape. He looks about the rest of you. “You’ve done well. But there is not much time.” And he looks off to the side, and you can now see the cinderstorm that was once heading away has changed course and is now making its way in the direction of you and the spire. You can see it’s probably about a half a mile to a quarter mile off, and you can see the red arcing bolts of energy floating through it, and it’s starting to darken the landscape beneath it. “Show me what it is you’ve learned.” And with that, the form of all three druids suddenly burst into flames and grow in size, Cerkonos becoming astronomically large for even the elementals you’ve encountered. Everybody roll initiative.

(groaning)

MARISHA: Oh, Jesus ballsacks. All right.

TALIESIN: Oh, sweet baby Jesus.

LIAM: Oh, Jesus Ballsacks, who art in heaven.

LAURA: No. Don’t.

TALIESIN: Does this make you feel better?

LAURA: Oh no.

MARISHA: (giggling) Yes.

TALIESIN: God damn it, Wheaton.

MARISHA: God damn it, Wheaton. Here.

ORION: Do you need me to light that on fire again for you?

TALIESIN: No, it’s going.

MARISHA: Got to get my dice in order.

TRAVIS: Oh my god, they’re on fire. We have walls!

MATT: Broken, ruined walls that appear from the landscape. I need… some initiative scores from you guys.

LAURA: Jeez Louise.

MATT: All right. So we have 25 to 20?

LAURA: Oh no.

TALIESIN: Crickets. Crickets have 25 to 20.

MATT: 20 to 15?

LIAM: 19.

ORION: 15.

LAURA: 18.

MATT: You had 19? All right.

LAURA: It’s addictive, isn’t it?

LIAM: Yeah, it’s fun to say. Thanks, bud.

MATT: 15 to ten?

ORION: 15.

MATT: All right, 15, Tiberius. All right. Ten to five?

ASHLEY and TALIESIN: Nine.

TALIESIN: (laughs) Hi!

ASHLEY: Hi.

MARISHA: Five!

MATT: All right, who’s left?

MARISHA: Five.

TRAVIS: I rolled a one.

MARISHA: He rolled a one, too.

TALIESIN: We’re sitting here like, is this a Cirque du Soleil thing?

MARISHA: We’re like, oh cool! It’s fire.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: Burning Man!

MATT: Top of the round, Cerkonos in his oversized fire elemental form darts forward towards the center (flame sounds). An unnatural pace of movement as the flames seem to flicker and dart and reform at the foot of the rest of the group, at which point he brings his arms in and (roaring flame) releases a torrent of flame that bursts out in a 20-foot radius from him, catching all of you.

TALIESIN: We have immunity to what, now?

TRAVIS: She has immunity.

MATT: Poison, disease, and fright. All right. I need everyone to roll a dexterity saving throw.

ORION: Hey! Internet! There’s my natural one.

LAURA and ASHLEY: No!

ORION: Suck it. It happens.

TALIESIN: That’s better.

LIAM: Stealth. Dexterity. Damn it.

MATT: All right. So. Percy, what did you roll?

TALIESIN: 15.

MATT: 15.

MARISHA: 23. No, 24.

MATT: Natural one.

LIAM: 27.

LAURA: 16.

ASHLEY: 18.

TRAVIS: 16.

MATT: All right. I need everyone who rolled a 16 or higher, raise your hand. Okay, so only Percy and Tiberius. All of you guys take 13 points of fire damage.

ASHLEY: Who rolled high?

MATT: Yep, who rolled high. 13 points of fire damage from the blast outward. Tiberius and Percy, you both take 25 points of fire damage–

ORION: (laughs) Resist. 13 for me, anyway.

MARISHA: I take half, right?

MATT: You take half, because of fire resistance.

TALIESIN: How many points?

MATT: 25, and you are both set on fire as all of a sudden your clothing and armor (whoosh) burst into flames, and you are considered burning.

TRAVIS: Burning?

LAURA: How do you put yourself out?

MATT: You take an action to put yourself out.

LIAM: Stop, drop and roll, man.

MATT: You have to basically take your action, your whole turn, trying to put the flames out. That ends Cerkonos’s turn. Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: Keyleth’s right up against that elemental in front of her, right? I’m going to run right behind her–

LAURA: You’re on fire.

LIAM: No, I’m not. I made the save. I click my boots together and I run up–

MATT: Did you roll for Trinket, as well? Go ahead and roll Trinket’s roll. So you move up over here?

LAURA: That’s good. Trinket definitely saved that.

MATT: What did Trinket make? You’re behind?

LIAM: Right, so I’m going to swing up underneath Keyleth’s arm, and then I’ve already clicked the boots, so dagger, dagger… dagger.

TALIESIN: I like the comma there. The comma really brought it together.

MATT: Trinket takes 13 points of fire damage.

LIAM: So 22 on the first.

MATT: 22 on the first? That hits.

LIAM: That hits. All right, there’s the sneak attack right there. This is the Keen Dagger. Good, there’s ten, plus– did he make an attack already? He did, right? Damn it. Ten. 13, 14, 20. 20 points of damage on the first strike. Second strike probably misses. 13.

MATT: 13 misses, yep.

LIAM: Third strike is a 19.

MATT: 19 does hit.

LIAM: Does hit. All right, and that is nine.

MATT: Nine damage. Okay. As you (whoosh) swing up, you hit him with the first dagger, strike and miss with the second, and the third one you slam up into its flaming torso, finding some sort of physical purchase and slicing through. However, with each hit, the fire that bursts back burns you. The first hit you take three points of fire damage, second hit deals six points of fire damage to you from hitting it with a melee attack.

LIAM: So three plus six, total of nine?

MATT: Total of nine points of fire damage. That ends your turn, Vax. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Okay. Can I back away from him, or am I going to get hit?

MATT: No, he does not have that far of a reach.

LAURA: Okay, so I back up. I’m going to back up against the wall so I can duck behind it if I need to, and I call Trinket with me, for sure. And then I am going to lightning arrow him? I’m going to lightning arrow– no. Jesus. I Hunter’s Mark him!

MATT: There you go. He is Hunter’s Marked.

LAURA: Now he is surrounded by all of our friends?

MATT: Correct. He has three of them currently surrounding him.

LAURA: Balls. I’m going to have to Hunter’s Mark one of the little ones, then, and aim for one of them. And I’m going to Hail of Thorns them. The one closest to me.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: That’s a 25!

MATT: 25 hits.

LAURA: All right. Why do I already forget what I’m doing. Normal attack. Okay. 17 for the normal attack–

MATT: Plus Hunter’s Mark damage?

LAURA: Plus Hunter’s Mark damage. Six for Hunter’s Mark, and then I get 3d10 for the Hail of Thorns.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: Okay, that’s a ten, that’s a ten, this is a ten. Balls. Ten, 12, 13. 13.

MATT: 13 points of damage. All right, so as you come around the wall, release your arrow. As it goes through the air, you can see the wood splinter into a bunch of thorny wood protrusions. It slams into the elemental, which then bursts into the side, you can see its form (whoosh), open up from the inside, and then (contracting sound), reform into an elemental, as the rest of the thorns shoot out, (thorns impacting) hitting the side of the stone pillar to the side of it.

LAURA: And just one more regular attack.

MATT: Okay. So it’s a bonus action to do the spell, and then it’s first attack hit, boom, second attack.

LAURA: 20!

(cheering)

MARISHA: Hot diggity.

MATT: So dice times two.

LAURA: Oh, that’s it? I know.

MATT: So two damage plus your bonus, plus your Hunter’s Mark. Unless Hunter’s Mark’s once per turn; let me check.

LAURA: 14 for the second hit. That’s a lame critical.

LIAM: No, it was fantastic.

MATT: 14 total? All righty. That ends your turn. Tiberius, you’re up. Beginning of your turn, you take five points– actually, no. You take eight points of fire damage, reduced by four, for being on fire.

ORION: And I’m like, oh, that tickles. I don’t expend an action to do that, and instead I look at the main dude and I’m going to be like, here’s something she taught me. (babbling) And I use a scroll, and I’m going to cast Blight (magic sound) on him.

MARISHA: I did teach him that.

ORION: I have two Blight scrolls. I’m reading super fast. (babbling)

TRAVIS: Like a cattle auctioneer. (imitates auctioneer)

ORION: It’s okay. I have something else that’s effective.

MATT: All right. So you took your four damage from the fire. You pull out the scroll. First, you need to roll to see if you can do the scroll properly, so go ahead and roll a d20, and add your plus five.

ORION: It’s 22.

MATT: 22, yeah. Not a problem. You take the spell, you pull out the scroll, read it, and the scroll itself you can see is starting to burn on its own just being pulled out in the heated atmosphere that is this Plane of Fire, but before it can burn entirely, you finish the spell. It disappears in a flash of light and ash, and then Blight goes and takes effect.

ORION: As I’m going to do that, I’m going to heighten it, and spend three sorcerer points so it gives him disadvantage–

MATT: I will say, because the Blight spell is a scroll, you cannot use metamagic. It’s magic from your bloodstream is what gives you that ability.

ORION: Fair enough.

MATT: What’s the DC on that?

ORION: 17.

MATT: 17. Constitution. Rolled a 16, so no. Does not make it.

(cheering)

ORION: So what I can do, is I can– if I can’t heighten an initial spell, I can power a spell that’s already been cast with my sorcerer’s point, right? You can empower a spell?

MATT: True, but still spells that you’ve cast from yourself. The metamagic is how you enhance it as you cast it out of yourself. If it’s from a scroll–

ORION: (counting) 25 damage.

MATT: 25 damage. Good to know. Boom. You can see as you finish the scroll reading, some of the flames seem to die down and part of its physical form has a hard time keeping itself in one solid place. Parts of it flicker, and then it (growls) angrily pushes through.

ORION: Where am I relative to everybody else?

MATT: You’re right here.

ORION: Okay, cool. What I will do, because I can do this, is I will quicken spell, and I will spend two sorcery points to Misty Step behind where Vex is. (whoosh)

MATT: Over there?

ORION: Yep. And in view of everybody else, where I can still cast stuff.

MATT: There? Okay. Cool.

ORION: That’s my turn.

MATT: All righty. That brings us to these guys’ turn. (flames) Right there. Going to move up towards Percy. Coming around the side, is going to make two touch attacks against you, Percy. That is a 13.

TALIESIN: That misses.

MATT: And that is a 25, with a 19.

TALIESIN: 25 definitely hits.

MATT: Definitely hits, okay. You take 13 points of fire damage, and you are still on fire, so it does not reignite you. You are just on fire in general. That ends its turn. The other one, however, rushes up and it’s doing a touch attack against Keyleth and Vex. Vax, I mean. Sorry. Versus Keyleth, that is a 16 versus armor class?

MARISHA: Miss. 17. (whoosh)

MATT: That’s going to be a 20 versus you.

LIAM: That hits.

MATT: All right. Vax, you take 12 points of fire damage, and your cloak bursts into flame.

LIAM: Oh, fuck a duck!

MATT: As you’re like, shit, now the fire’s crawling up around you. That brings us to Percy and Pike’s turn.

MARISHA: Oh my god. (laughs) Stop, drop and roll!

MATT: Percy, what are you doing?

TALIESIN: I am on fire, aren’t I?

MATT: Beginning of your turn, you take ten points of fire damage.

TALIESIN: God damn it. And it takes an entire action to put myself out? Can I run? He’s going to get an attack of opportunity on me.

MATT: He would get an attack of opportunity on you if you ran, yeah, but also ranged attacks at point blank are at disadvantage, too.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I know. Fuck it. I’m going to run first, and then put myself out.

MATT: Okay. So you’re running which way?

TALIESIN: I’m running towards the wall. I’m getting some distance.

MATT: Over here?

TALIESIN: Yeah, and I’m doing a “stop, drop and roll” on my way to put myself out.

MARISHA: Fire safety, kids.

MATT: Okay. The elemental reaches and strikes. That is a 21.

TALIESIN: Damn it! Okay.

MATT: You take 12 points of fire damage as it just swings out and hits you in the back. You feel the flames now licking beneath your armor. You’re sweating profusely and you feel the burn marks as the skin begins to boil and crack beneath the armor.

TALIESIN: And you’ve moved me as far in that direction as I can go, right?

MATT: That would be over here.

TALIESIN: Yeah. I’m also going to spend my bonus action for second wind, because fuck. So that’s 19 points that I gain back.

MATT: That ends Percy’s turn. Pike, what you got?

ORION: Yes, Pike!

ASHLEY: Okay. So I have the Frost Brand Sword, so I’m resistant to fire damage if I’m holding it.

MATT: Correct. You have half damage from fire.

ASHLEY: But I would like to use a Guiding Bolt, because it’s a little bit more damage.

MATT: All righty. Go ahead and roll your Guiding Bolt attack. Against which guy? These three here are visible.

ASHLEY: Okay. Let’s do the guy right there. The big guy.

MATT: Big guy right there? Okay. Go ahead and roll your attack. You add your spell attack modifier to it.

ASHLEY: That’s only 15. 15?

MATT: All right. 15 does hit, yes.

ASHLEY: Yay! Okay.

MATT: That’s 4d6 radiant damage, and the next attack against it has advantage.

LAURA: Nice!

ASHLEY: 11.

MATT: 11 points of damage, all righty. Good to know. Well done. That’s your turn. Do you wish to move anywhere, or are you going to stay where you are, Pike?

ASHLEY: You know what, so sorry. I was casting that at a three.

MATT: As a level 3? So add an additional 2d6 to it.

ASHLEY: Yeah, sorry. 18.

LIAM: Total.

LAURA and ASHLEY: 18 total.

MATT: Cool, gotcha. All right. You want to move or you going to stay where you are, Pike?

ASHLEY: Where am I at?

MATT: You’re right here.

ASHLEY: You know what, I’m going to back up. Yeah. Okay. All right.

MATT: All right. Keyleth, you’re up. Grog, you’re on deck.

MARISHA: I look at Cerkonos, and give him a nod, and I say, okay. And I concentrate, and my entire form goes water, and I turn into a water elemental.

LIAM: Skadoosh.

TRAVIS: Badass.

MARISHA: And then I immediately rush into Cerkonos’s space, and do Whelm.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: So he has to do a DC 15 saving throw.

MATT: All righty. Dex?

MARISHA: Strength.

TALIESIN: We all look great and lose five pounds.

LIAM: Everybody’s glistening.

TRAVIS: Our pores look better than they ever have.

MARISHA: Sweat it out, guys.

MATT: He rolls a three.

(cheering)

MARISHA: So he does 2d8 plus four bludgeoning damage. I’m also water elemental, so I believe he has water susceptibility, correct?

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: I don’t know what that does, but he’s got it. So if it’s a large or smaller creature, it is also grappled.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll damage.

MARISHA: 2d8. Not bad. 12 plus four. 16. MATT: 16 damage, nice. And he is grappled, currently, as you are swirling around him as this vortex of water. As you hit for the attack, you do take six points of fire damage from being in the midst of that flame.

MARISHA: Does he take extra damage because I’m water? Because he has water susceptibility?

MATT: Water susceptibility, essentially, he takes one point of cold damage on top of that, and if he tries to moves away from you, he moves slower.

ORION: You’re swirling water around him right now?

MARISHA: It’s water versus fire elemental right now.

MATT: However, because it is a fire elemental, it is immune to being grappled. Because it is just fire, you can’t really grab around it.

MARISHA: Well, I just football tackle him. (impact) Water right through his form. Steam rolls off of me. (hiss)

MATT: And it is uncomfortable being in this plane as a water elemental, but you’re pushing through it.

MARISHA: I take how much? Four damage?

MATT: That was six damage. Which should be halved, because you have the resistance still on you, so that’s three damage to you… You also entered its space, so you also are on fire. Strangely enough, you are a water elemental that’s caught fire.

LIAM: Water.

MATT: It’s strange. The water is steaming, and the flames are having a hard time rolling. I’m going to say… I’m going to say you can’t. That’s stupid. A water elemental is not going to catch fire. That makes no sense. I’m going to say, for the sake of this battle, you are immune to being set on fire. Fucking water elemental. All right, that ends your turn. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: I look over, and I see as Vax starts slashing into the fire beastie, I know this is going to hurt, and I go into a rage. And I know I’m going to burn, but I take my three giant swings with my battleaxe.

MATT: So you’re going into full frenzied rage.

TRAVIS: Frenzied rage. Frenzied rage, if you don’t mind.

MATT: Certainly. Three strikes at him.

TRAVIS: 24.

MATT: 24 hits.

TRAVIS: 19.

MATT: Hits.

TRAVIS: And 24.

MATT: Hits. Damage on all three.

TRAVIS: 11.

MATT: 11 damage.

TRAVIS: 19.

MATT: 19 damage.

TRAVIS: And 12.

MATT: 12 damage. Great. You strike in, axe swinging through. It’s interesting, because you’re not hitting physical matter, your axe just swings through, but you can feel the resistance as it’s carving through whatever magical essence is holding this elemental together. Each hit, though, the flames shoot out of where you wound it and blast across your arm and your hand, burning you. You take ten damage from the first strike, eight damage– and because this is magical, it’s not reduced. So that’s 18, plus another ten. 28 total points of fire damage from striking at it. All right. That ends your turn, Grog. Up to the top of the round, that’s now come to Cerkonos. Cerkonos is going to stay right where it is. It’s going to go ahead and make three melee touch attacks. It’s going to be… probably going to be one against each of you, actually. So against Keyleth, that is a 24 to hit?

MARISHA: Hits.

MATT: So that would be 12 points of fire damage, reduced to six because of your spell, but you’re not ignited.

LIAM: Against everyone near him?

MATT: It’s doing an attack against each of you. It’s just reaching out. Cocked dice. That is 18 against you?

LIAM: Hell yeah, that hits.

MATT: All right. You take nine points of fire damage. And against Grog, that is a natural 20. (groaning)

TRAVIS: Was that a crit?

LAURA and LIAM: Yeah.

LIAM: There goes that beard.

TRAVIS: Oh, shut up! Don’t tell him that!

MATT: 22 points of fire damage, and you are set on fire.

TRAVIS: The beard is okay, right?

MATT: Currently, but the flames are licking up the sides of your shoulders.

TRAVIS: Oh, come on, man. Have you no mercy?

LIAM: I made a stupid pun, and you tripped me and made me eat shit. Enjoy.

MATT: Cerkonos is going to stay there, just taking you all on at once. That brings us to Vax. To start your turn, you take nine points of fire damage.

LIAM: Excellent. That’s excellent news. I’m going to use my bonus action to disengage. I’ve got three things I can do here because of the Boots of Haste, so use bonus action to disengage. I’m going to use one action to run like fuck over to that wall and jump to the side.

MATT: It’s not an attack. You have a bonus action and an action. So you can disengage and then move, then you have your action.

LIAM: But I can still move my normal speed, right? All right, so I’m going to run as far as I can towards that wall.

LAURA: The other wall.

LIAM: No, that wall.

MATT: Four, five, six. That’ll put you right there.

LIAM: And then I’m going to roll on the ground.

MATT: Okay, you use your action to put out the flame.

LIAM: (choked) It’s okay, right? The cloak’s okay?

MATT: The cloak’s fine. It’s a little burnt, but it’s okay. The flames are gone now. You’re no longer taking fire damage.

LIAM: That’s my woobie.

MATT: That’s your turn. Vex, you’re up.

TALIESIN: Hey, now. Not cool.

LAURA: All right, I’m going to lightning arrow? Is that going to do anything to fire? I’m going to lightning arrow the one that I’ve Hunter’s Marked.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: So that is 19?

MATT: All righty, so that one right there? All right, that hits.

LAURA: Okay. So. Do I do my regular attack on that, as well, or do I just do the damage from the lightning?

MATT: No. The arrow is no longer there; it is now just a bolt of lightning halfway through the arc.

LAURA: Okay. Correct. 4d8.

MATT: 4d8 damage.

LAURA: This is so nerve-wracking. (counting) 25 on the lightning arrow.

MATT: All righty. Grog, go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw.

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: 18?

TRAVIS: Do I get advantage on that because I’m raging?

MATT: No. What’s your spell DC?

LAURA: Oh, 14.

MATT: Okay, yeah. So he makes the save, go ahead and roll 2d8, and he takes half damage.

LAURA: Oh. I didn’t realize you were there, Grog. I’m sorry, I couldn’t see.

MATT: Within ten feet of it. Every creature within ten feet of it.

LAURA: I didn’t think that was ten feet. I’m sorry. Oh good, that’s nothing. Two!

MATT: You take two points of lightning damage as (flicker) part of the lightning arrow arcs off and tickles your shoulder. You barely even notice, you’re raged out and focused on him.

TRAVIS: Yeah, with the being on fire, it’s really not that bad.

LAURA: I do another attack out of the Blood-Seeking Bow. (singing) That’s a 27!

(laughter)

ASHLEY and LAURA: (singing) 27!

MATT: Did Hunter’s Mark damage on the last one, right?

LAURA: Yes. 16 with Blood-Seeking.

MATT: Nice. So it’s now bleeding.

LAURA: He’s a bleeding fireball.

MATT: Interesting thing about this. I will consider bleeding as part of its conditional immunities, because it does not have blood. It is a flaming elemental.

LAURA: Waste.

MATT: But it still took damage. You can see now, the flames of this are starting to flicker a little bit; it’s having hard time keeping itself cohesive.

TRAVIS: On the smaller one?

MATT: Yeah. That ends your turn, do you want to move anywhere, you staying there?

LAURA: I’m going to go around the back of the wall with Trinket. Oh no, I knocked it down on myself! Can I get around to the other side?

MATT: That’s as far as you can get with your run right now, unfortunately.

LAURA: Okay, that’s cool.

MATT: Okay, that ends your turn. Tiberius, you’re up.

MARISHA: Don’t worry about hurting me, if that’s what you’re afraid of.

ORION: Okay. I’m going to scooch my booch closer to the wall to get quarter cover. I think that’ll put me in about where I need to be to see all three of them.

LIAM: Is that Draconic?

TRAVIS and LAURA: Scooch my booch.

ORION: Scooch my boocher. Two, three, four. Okay, so I’m going to cast– two, four, six– Glacial Blast (hiss) in the arc to hit all three of them.

MATT: Hit all three of these guys? What’s the arc on that one?

ORION: 30 feet?

MATT: 30-foot arc? Okay, you can get these two.

ORION: If I have to move, can I move closer to hit?

MATT: You’d have to get into melee with this to hit all three, which would be disadvantage if it’s an attack roll.

TRAVIS: Just take the two.

ORION: I’ll take the two. I’ll do that. And then, I’m going to spend three points to heighten the spell and that gives them disadvantage on their saving throw, so I’m going to do that right now.

MATT: So what’s the saving throw? Dex?

ORION: 17.

MATT: 17 dex. Okay, go ahead and roll damage, and it’s half damage for that, right?

ORION: Yeah, if they save.

TALIESIN: That’s pretty good.

ORION: Ten, 18, what’s that? 30, 35. 35.

MATT: 35. Okay. Keyleth and Grog also make dexterity saving throws.

TRAVIS: Fair.

MATT: Two. Fails on Cerkonos.

MARISHA: 17.

TRAVIS: 20.

MATT: That is a natural 17 for the fire elemental, though; it takes half damage there. So what’s the total on there?

ORION: And that was at disadvantage?

MATT: Oh, disadvantage. Natural 20. Sorry. Well, it still takes half damage. This elemental, you notice its form suddenly (cracking) freeze into ice, and then shatter.

(cheering)

MATT: Below it, you see standing in its place the druid that was once there, (thud) drops down on its knees, and looks up at you with a nod.

LAURA: We’re coming back.

MATT: What’d you roll? With disadvantage on the saving throw, guys, by the way.

MARISHA: Disadvantage?

TRAVIS: That’s worse. 14.

MARISHA: Four.

MATT: Both of you guys take 35 points of cold damage. Cerkonos also takes 35 points of cold damage. All right, cool. That’s Tiberius’s turn. This druid is going to go ahead and is going to transform into an eagle and head back in the path from where you guys came from. This guy is going to move in there and is going to make two strikes against you, Pike. Natural 20.

LAURA: No!

MATT: And that’s a natural 18, plus six is 24. Welcome back.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: My armor class is 20, so they both hit me.

MATT: That’s a natural 18 plus six on top of that.

ASHLEY: Point taken!

MATT: Seven times two, that’s 14 plus three. Take 17 points of fire damage from the first strike. The second one does… so 14 from both, so total of 28 points of fire damage, and you are ignited. All of a sudden, your armor heats up and you see flames begin to lick up through the different sections of the plate, and the fire elemental is harrying right on top of you.

TALIESIN: (singing) Oh, that girl is smoking on fire–

ASHLEY: (singing) This girl is on fire!

(laughter)

MATT: And with that, it’s Percy and Pike’s turn.

TALIESIN: You first or me first?

MATT: Well, Percy, at the top of your turn– actually, you both take–

TALIESIN: No, I put myself out.

MATT: That’s right!

TALIESIN: Take that soda can pop-topper off me.

ASHLEY: Oh no, wait! My Frost Brand sword. I’m resistant to fire damage!

MATT: Take 14 points of fire damage. You also take what would be four is now two, so a total of 16 points of fire damage.

ASHLEY: 16 points, okay. Wait, so what was it?

TRAVIS and LAURA: 16.

LIAM: Reality is malleable here.

MATT: As the actual protective energies of the Frost Brand gives this layer of cold across your armor and reduces the impact. You’re still on fire, but the fire is doing less damage to you physically as the cold is counteracting it. Cool. Percy, what are you doing?

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m pulling out the Pepperbox and I’m taking an ice shot at the little one attacking Pike. And I’m going to take a sharpshooter– that’s the wrong dice to roll. I’m going to take a sharpshooter bonus for it, so that’s a miss. That’s a nine. Actually, no. Shit. God damn it, that’s a misfire. I’m going to spend an action to fix that.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll the check on that, if you could.

TALIESIN: Oh, what is the check on that? That’s a DC 12. Eight, nine, ten, 11, 12. I hit my check.

MATT: You just barely make it. The gun is not broken. As you spin, you go to fire, and something about the trajectory of the bullet is off, and as you release the trigger, all of a sudden the whole front of the barrel (cracking) encases in ice, and you’re like, crap! And you have to chisel the ice off.

TALIESIN: Fire again.

MATT: Well, it takes an action to try and–

TALIESIN: No, I looked. It takes an attack.

MATT: Then yes, you’re able to do that.

TALIESIN: If it goes, then I’m–

MATT: Then it takes an action to fix it, that’s what it is. Yeah, it’s an action to fix a broken gun.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Action to fix a broken gun. Let’s try it again without the sharpshooter bonus. Better! 20 to hit.

MATT: 20 does hit, yes.

TALIESIN: And I don’t get the bonus on that because I suck. Seven points of damage.

MATT: Seven points of damage.

TALIESIN: Rolled a one.

MATT: Sometimes it works out that way. All right.

TALIESIN: And I’m going to back off.

MATT: Cannot use your attack again until an action. It is an action.

TALIESIN: It is an action? I thought it was an action to–

MATT: It’s an action to repair, and then if it breaks, you cannot use it until you’re out of combat.

MARISHA: Did it break?

TALIESIN: It did break.

MATT: It didn’t break. It jammed, and then it managed to alleviate that.

TALIESIN: I would have switched guns, anyways, but okay, next time. For some reason I thought it was an attack action.

MATT: No worries. That’s the downside of the firearms. So no damage, you don’t get your second attack off as you take your full action.

TALIESIN: To fix it, okay. That’s fine; it was shitty damage anyways. Hey, I get to keep the bullet.

MATT: Cool, so that ends Percy’s turn. Pike, what are you doing?

ASHLEY: Percy, where are you at, in terms of hit points?

TALIESIN: I’m fine. I’m at half. I’m at 56.

LAURA: He’s at 12.

ASHLEY: I know. He’s at 12. Can I get over to Vax?

MATT: You’ll not be able to get to him.

LAURA: Sprinter’s Boots?

MATT: You could with your Sprinter’s Boots, yeah.

ASHLEY: Sprinter’s Boots.

MATT: All right, so (whoosh). You get by there. The fire elemental does get an attack of opportunity on you. And that is a 17 to hit. Armor class is 20, so as it reaches towards you it just streaks off your armor (impact). The flames heat one of the plates below but you manage to pull out before it can actually find any real aggressive attack on you.

TALIESIN: That was full road runner.

ASHLEY: 29.

MATT: So as Pike rushes up to you and touches you on the side of your waist, as you feel all your wounds and burn marks tend to subside and heal up instantaneously.

LIAM: Oh yeah! That’s good.

ASHLEY: That’s a little bit of something.

LIAM: Yeah! I’ll take it.

MATT: That ends Pike’s turn. Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: All right, I’m going to do a multiattack right on Cerkonos. So I’m going to do two (impacts) with my big wavy arms.

MATT: All right, go for it.

MARISHA: So plus seven to hit. So first one. 18, so that’s 20. Okay. And second one. That’s not as good. 19? Sorry, 18?

MATT: 18 also hits.

MARISHA: Okay. Cool. So that’s 2d8 plus four bludgeoning damage, twice. So that’s five, six. So that’s ten. Nine, plus another 13. 23 points of damage.

MATT: 23 points of damage. Your attacks in this form are considered magical, correct? So yeah, it doesn’t do half damage. It’s full damage, because normally it would have resistance to bludgeoning. But because of your magical weapons, because you’re a crazy druid, full 23 points of damage. As all of a sudden the elemental form starts slamming him with these giant tidal wave-like fists–

MARISHA: Oh, plus an extra two because I’m a water elemental.

MATT: There you go. (wham, wham) You can see, steam is starting to billow off of Cerkonos’s elemental form. They’re both in this crazy tidal, epic elemental throw down. This is WWE style.

ORION: Oh no. It must be stopped!

MATT: Are you going to stay where you are?

MARISHA: Yeah, I’m on his ass.

MATT: All right. That ends Keyleth’s turn. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: Can I move around the backside of him without him getting an attack of opportunity if I stay just as close as I am now? No?

MATT: As soon as you dart off to the side, he’ll get a strike on you.

TRAVIS: Son of a bitch!

TALIESIN: Can he do a one-space move without an attack?

TRAVIS: Just because I’m cooking– fuck it, I’ll keep swinging. I’m in a frenzied rage.

MATT: Go for it. Three strikes against Cerkonos.

TRAVIS: That’s a 20.

LIAM: Natural 20?

TRAVIS: Oh no, a total of 20. 19.

MATT: Hits.

TRAVIS: And a 22.

MATT: Hits. All three hit.

TRAVIS: 11. 17. And a 19.

MATT: 19. (whacks) Once again, streaking into him, mouth open (roars). The foam that would normally be gathering at the side of your mouth though is just this dried crust on the side, because there’s just all this heat in the air. With each yell, as you close your mouth, you can taste the ash that is coalesced on the back of your tongue, it’s this terrible smell. It would bother you if you weren’t so focused in your furied rage in this vicinity. However, you do take three points of fire damage, two points of fire damage, and ten. So a total of 15 points of fire damage from striking at it with your axe as the fire blows back onto you. Also, at the top of your turn because you were on fire, you took another eight points of fire damage from the flames burning and licking up your shoulders. You smell the scent of burning hair reach your nostrils.

TRAVIS: It’s because we’re family.

LIAM: It could be your pubes! Don’t jump to conclusions!

MATT: That ends Grog’s turn. Hold on, that your turn? At the top, Cerkonos is going to angrily now go into three more attacks. One against Keyleth, two against Grog, because Grog’s starting to look a little rough, and the flames are affecting him more than it’s affecting Keyleth. He turns to slam you twice. That is a 26?

TRAVIS: That’ll hit.

MATT: Nine plus eight. That is a 17?

TRAVIS: Misses.

MATT: 19 plus eight, that’s a 27.

TRAVIS: Oh, I don’t know if that hits or not.

MATT: I’m sorry, that one’s against Keyleth. So one hits you, one misses, and the last one was 27 versus you.

MARISHA: Yeah…

MATT: So you take 11 points of fire damage from the strike. You take ten points, reduce that to five. So you take five points of fire damage. That is Cerkonos’s turn. That brings us to Vax.

LIAM: Okay, so Cerkonos is still busy with Keyleth, so I’m going to take a split second to inhale, exhale, and then (dagger noises) right from where I am. So 18.

MATT: 18 hits.

LIAM: 14.

MATT: Hits.

LIAM: Natural 20 for the third. Do I get to pick which one is the–? Okay, so the first one hit, which is sneak attack, so that is four plus seven is 11, plus– 14, 17, 23, 25– 31 for the first hit. Second one, which was a hit, is– which part gets doubled?

MATT: Just the dice roll.

LIAM: The dice roll. Four plus six is ten.

MATT: All right, so. (whoosh, whoosh, whoosh) You’re launching the daggers out and it’s difficult to focus on, because there is currently this swirl of water and flame that is going around. As your third dagger hits you can see the elemental form shrinks, and the water elemental that is Keyleth absorbs what you see now, Cerkonos in human druid form now, floating aloft in the center of Keyleth as an elemental. (static) Take that, microphone. Sorry, guys. (impact) And is that your turn?

LIAM: That’s it. Yeah, that’s it. I’ll back up against the side of that wall that’s right there. But that’s it.

MATT: Okay. Vex.

LAURA: I come around the side of the wall. Hi! Oh hey. And I shoot at the other guy.

MATT: All right, go for it.

LAURA: Is he within ten feet of anything?

MATT: No.

LAURA: Then I’m going to Lightning Arrow– I’m going to Hunter’s Mark him.

MATT: All right. Hunter’s Mark is a bonus action.

LAURA: Yes, so I’m going to Hail of Thorns him.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Yes. 15?

MATT: 15? That does hit.

LAURA: Yes! 17, plus four, so that’s 21, plus 3d10. 14.

MATT: All righty. As you come around the corner, releasing the arrow, it slams into the side of the elemental, bursts into it, you can see the splinters shooting throughout its form, sending out all these little fiery sparks as all the thorns burst into flames from the contact with the body, which then diminish and burn away into ash in the middle of the air.

LAURA: Take two! That one doesn’t hit, though.

MATT: What was that?

LAURA: 13.

MATT: 13 just hits.

(cheering)

MATT: Don’t have huge AC.

LAURA: Yay! 16. 20.

MATT: 20, all right. (impact) The arrow hits and then bursts and gets caught into its form before it eventually gets expelled, it is just this tiny flaming shaft. That ends your turn? All righty. That brings us to Tiberius. At the top of your turn, you take ten points of fire damage, reduced to five, from the flames that are burning on your body.

ORION: And I turn to the fire elemental because they’re coherent, right? I’m like, do you really need me to do this? I ask it the question.

MATT: Currently, the elemental is just in the middle of– it’s just an amorphous flaming mass.

LAURA: He’s like one of those creatures at a gas station.

(laughter)

ORION: Fine, so I go, Glacial Blast! With my finger. (hiss)

MATT: Okay. For its saving throw, it rolls an 18. What’s your DC on that?

ORION: 17.

MATT: So half damage. Go ahead and roll for the targeted blast.

ORION: 14.

MARISHA: 14, 17, 18, plus six, so it’s 24, plus another eight, so that’s 32.

ORION: 32.

MATT: 32 points of ice damage reduced to half, because of that, so it takes 16 points of ice damage and would be grappled, if it wasn’t immune to being grappled. As the ice encases around it, its fire form flicks out from underneath the ice and keeps itself fluid and moving.

ORION: And I will use two sorcery points to quicken a spell and use my cantrip Control Flame to (whoosh) start juggling the flame that I was caught on fire with.

(laughter)

MATT: And with that, Tiberius, you gather the fire off of your body– I’ll say you are no longer on fire, as your Control Flame has pulled the fire from your torso and you’re now just tossing it around in the middle of the Elemental Plane of Fire.

ORION: Would somebody end this, please?

MATT: The elemental’s turn. It turns angrily towards you, trying to shoot it constantly with the ice blast. Rushes forward (whoosh) with immediate speed, darts up in front of you, attacking twice. That is a two, so that misses. That’s a total of eight. And 19?

TALIESIN: It’s a what?

MATT: 19.

TALIESIN: It’s a 19? I’m going to spend a grit point and say that doesn’t hit.

MATT: Gunslinger’s dodge?

TALIESIN: Yep, I’m going to Gunslinger’s dodge.

MATT: All righty. As it swipes out for you, you spend your grit point to dodge out of the way, slow-mo. The giant flaming hand streaks past you. What bit of scruff you had on your chin is now slowly withered away and burned into evaporated air. It’s pretty rough. That ends its turn. Percy and Pike? You immediately have your action.

TALIESIN: I’m going to unload into its body. I know I’m at a disadvantage because I’m that close, but I’m just going to unload into its body.

MATT: So three attacks at disadvantage.

TALIESIN: Three attacks with disadvantage.

MARISHA: Was that a 20?

TALIESIN: That was a 17, but it’s okay, because I have disadvantage, so that’s a 21.

MATT: Hits. Second one?

TALIESIN: 17.

MATT: Hits. Third one?

TALIESIN: 26.

ORION and LIAM: (gunshots)

MATT: So three shots against it.

TALIESIN: 18, plus 23, 26. 35 points of damage.

MATT: 35 points of damage. (gunshots) As each one blasts through, the elemental form shimmers, and you can see now the druid left there in its space. Lands on its knees, looks up at you, and gives you a quick little smile. At this point, you guys hear (roaring flames) this rolling, crumbling, angry, fiery sound as you glance over and you can see the cinderstorm is nearly upon you at this point in time. At this juncture, you guys can continue to fight if you want to, but you can see Cerkonos is looking over and looks at the rest of you. “We should go. Now.”

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Yes.

LAURA: Did you complete the mission?

MARISHA: I slowly release him down from my water elemental form.

MATT: As he touches down, he immediately (poof) turns into a giant eagle, swoops and grabs you, Pike, (gripping sound) and heads towards the exit.

LAURA: I guess it’s time to go.

ORION: I think we should go, yes.

MARISHA: I drop my– no. I’m going to keep in my water elemental form.

MATT: Okay. What’s the speed on it?

MARISHA: 30.

MATT: Okay, so same speed as you normally would be. All right, so. As you guys begin charging back in the direction you came from, dodging the lava pools as you come, the cinderstorm begins rolling in and you can see it’s a full like– you know that scene in the Mad Max movie? Looks like that, and it’s pouring into the path you guys are running. You get about halfway there, about ten minutes into this run before the heat grows so intense that you can feel it now burning at the side of the face.

MARISHA: Okay, I lied. I drop my elemental form. I go ahead and I’m going to cast Gust of Wind ahead of us to try and make a tunnel and try and air this heat down.

MATT: Okay. That helps a little bit and gives you guys a little more leeway as you’re pushing forward. The storm blows over you entirely, and darkness comes in. It feels like you’re in the center of a cloud. There is light, somewhat, but your vision is obscured about five feet ahead of you and you think you’re heading in the right direction towards the portal. You can see roughly, as Cerkonos is carrying you through the storm, I need everyone to go ahead and make a constitution check.

ASHLEY: Could I do a Mass Cure Wounds before I go? Because I was going to do that right last minute.

MATT: You currently are being held aloft, and you can’t see the rest of your party, unfortunately. You can ask him to drop you, if you want.

LIAM: I’m reaching out and clasping Vex’s hand as we run forward.

MARISHA: What are rolling?

TALIESIN: Constitution check.

ASHLEY: All of us?

MARISHA: That’s not too bad.

TALIESIN: Okay! 21.

MARISHA: 22.

ORION: 19.

LIAM: Ten.

LAURA: Nine.

ASHLEY: Five.

TRAVIS: 13.

MARISHA: Aw, we were the happy table.

(laughter)

MATT: You guys keep pushing forward. For you guys, the sheer amount of heated ash that is starting to pour into your lungs, even though Keyleth is keeping a tunnel ahead of you–

LAURA: We’re a little further behind her. (laughs)

MATT: All of you suffer ten points of fire damage.

TRAVIS: Can I use my stone’s endurance?

MATT: You can, yes.

TRAVIS: Okay. Shit.

ASHLEY: I’m going to ask him to drop me, and I’m going to do a Mass Cure Wounds.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Oh fuck, how high am I?

MATT: You don’t know.

LAURA and MARISHA: No, don’t do it, Pike!

ASHLEY: He’s dying!

TRAVIS: No, I’m okay. I got back 19 points.

MATT: Okay. You shrug off that damage. You don’t heal past it, you just shrug off that damage.

TRAVIS: Okay, good.

MATT: So you take no damage from that.

ASHLEY: Oh. That’s good.

MATT: So. As you guys are racing forward, the storm is still blowing and you can hear Cerkonos shouting as a hawk, adding this beacon of noise as you guys are trying to follow suit. Since you’re leading the way, Keyleth, I want you to go ahead and make a survival check.

MARISHA: I was going to say, can I use my wanderer ability where I think I get– my survival ability? I think I get advantage?

MATT: I’ll give you advantage on this survival check. Go for it.

MARISHA: Please. That’s much better! Okay. 14. No, don’t– sorry, I rolled a 14. 24!

MATT: 24. You’re able to keep a focused direction on both where Cerkonos is going and keeping a connection to where that portal was you guys stepped through to get to this elemental plane. As you’re pushing forward, you find yourself not getting lost in this darkened storm, thankfully. Slowly ahead of you, Keyleth, you see what looks like the slowly rotating portal that you guys stepped through.

MARISHA: We’re almost there!

MATT: Everyone once again make a constitution save.

MARISHA: Hold on!

LAURA: Which one?

TALIESIN: Yes!

LAURA: That’s good. That was better!

TALIESIN: 21.

MARISHA: 13.

ORION: 14.

LIAM: 14.

LAURA: 18.

ASHLEY: Eight.

TRAVIS: 19.

MATT: All right. Everyone below a 15, you take 12 points of fire damage as the fumes come into your lungs. The wind tunnel is helping reduce the DC of the roll to a certain extent, but this is a very dangerous storm to be in. Essentially, every minute that passes that you’re in it–

TRAVIS: Can I use a hit dice to heal myself at all?

MATT: You need a short rest to get there. You guys make your way to the outskirts of the portal and you leap through, as one by one, you all jump into this portal, the druids following behind. The sense of falling becomes this jettison motion as you are shoved and thrown into the air, out of the portal, and landing about 15 feet, 20 feet from the fall. I need all of you guys to make an acrobatics check.

LIAM: Oh, you bastard.

TALIESIN: Can I use my saving throw reroll that I get?

MATT: It’s a skill check.

TALIESIN: It’s a skill check? Damn it. Okay.

MATT: So. Grog?

TRAVIS: Six.

LAURA: Pike, what’d you roll?

ASHLEY: 16.

LAURA: One!

LIAM: 25.

ORION: One!

MARISHA: 19.

TALIESIN: 12.

MATT: All right. Percy, Tiberius, Vax, and Grog all take three points of damage from the fall. (whack) You’ve hit the ground around this open lava crevasse, smacking onto the ground, looking up into the air, catching your first gasp of relatively clean air, comparatively to where you just were. You hear with a rumbling sound, the lava spiral begins to close off (sucking sound).

ASHLEY: Mass Cure Wounds? 33.

LIAM: What about my sister and Tibsy?

TRAVIS: Everybody gets 33 points.

MATT: Oh, you guys managed to catch yourself, and don’t take any damage as you land on your feet.

LIAM: Because they rolled a one.

MATT: Oh, you rolled a one?

LAURA: Me and Tiberius rolled ones.

MATT: Oh, I thought you rolled a one. I’m sorry. You take the three damage.

LAURA: Oh, that’s it? Well. It’s easy to get us confused though because we look so similar.

MATT: That is true.

ASHLEY: 33, guys.

TALIESIN: 33.

MATT: As the lava vortex closes, you can see the cinderstorm that’s been billowing out like a giant stack of black smoke and burning embers slowly fades away, the portal closing off entirely. As the molten rock pool comes to rest, Cerkonos is now standing out, covered in soot like the rest of you, and he steps forward and releases his hand out towards Keyleth, as you’re sitting on the ground from the fall. Lifts you up to your feet. Looks you in the eye. “You. You have the blessing of the Pyrah behind you.”

TRAVIS: Yeah, Keyleth!

TALIESIN: Bravo!

MATT: “Go forth and continue your Aramente knowing we acknowledge your wisdom and ability.”

MARISHA: Thank you, Cerkonos. Brother.

MATT: He reaches his hand out and clasps it. Lifts you to your feet. At this point he turns and nods to one of the nearby druids. The druid steps forward, presenting a black orb about that big of blackened rock that has red veins of pulsing energy arcing through it like a bolt of lightning locked in a single moment in time. “This is a spark stone, rare within the realm you just escaped. We’ve harvested but a handful over generations, and few have returned with them. This one is yours, Keyleth. To use yourself, or bequeath to an ally. When crushed by the hands of one, their fists shall burn with the fury of an efreet.”

LAURA: For how long?

MATT: “For as long as you wish.”

LAURA: Forever!

MATT: “The choice is yours, who this blessing is given.”

MARISHA: Thank you. This is a great honor.

MATT: “Well. You’re welcome to stay as long as you wish before you must continue on your journey.”

MARISHA: I think a rest might be in order. I’m exhausted.

TRAVIS: Yeah. You think they have graham crackers and little bits of chocolate with marshmallow?

MARISHA: Oh, to make s'mores? That’s a great idea.

ASHLEY: That’s a good idea.

LAURA: And also a lot of water.

TALIESIN: Water would be lovely.

MARISHA: Do you have water, Cerkonos?

ORION: I have water! (spraying)

MATT: At which point, water begins spewing forth from this vial that Tiberius has. (spraying) All this steam is rising up as it hits the ground, the heat from the vicinity–

ORION: It’s mainly for drinking and such, but are we all done?

MATT: The other druids step forward, looking a little thirsty themselves. It’s a magical source of water, where they have to toil to bring it to their location. They all take out their cups and fill from it. You all drink. They take the small cups they have off to the side, they cheer to you, eventually leading you out of the Cindergrove. You guys break your way towards the druidic village on the outskirts of the forest. Cerkonos gives a nod, rubs his shoulder. “I am to tend to the wounds of my helpers in your test. Do as you see fit. Leave when you feel comfortable. And good luck.”

MARISHA: I bow to him, and I salute, and I say, Kaitiake, brother.

MATT: “Kaitiake, princess.” And he turns around and steps back towards the forest.

TRAVIS: Your people are fucking sweet.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Thank you.

ORION: Yes, I rather enjoyed that environment myself.

ASHLEY: What does kaitiake mean?

MARISHA: It is sort of our salute. It means “guardian” and “brethren.” It’s a high salute.

LAURA: (mispronouncing) Kaitiake.

MARISHA: Kaitiake.

LAURA: Kaitiake.

LIAM: And not tomorrow please, but where do you need to go next for this quest of yours?

MARISHA: Well, my last stop would be to the Water Ashari. In Aquas. Back on another continent.

TRAVIS: Well, that’s good. I don’t think we could take another one right now, anyway.

MARISHA: No, I don’t think we could. I’m doing pretty good, actually. I’m ahead of schedule.

ORION: (laughs) Wonderful. Let’s just take some respite.

TRAVIS: Yeah, please.

MATT: We’ll say for the sake of brevity, as it is getting rather late, and which for all of you guys watching, consider this lengthy episode a gift for the fact that we won’t be doing this next week because some of us will be out of town. But you rest for a bit. You eventually find your way back down to the base of the mountain range. Your horses have not been touched, although they are a little hungry. An uneventful journey, make your way back to Vasselheim, where over the past six or seven days of travel, Pike, you come to find the curse has been lifted from the temple of Sarenrae, and your followers, as they are now calling themselves, though you had not expected to become this beacon of light to these worshipers who had no central focus or entity to guide them in their worship, you’ve become a very important figure to them, and they welcome your return to the temple.

ASHLEY: (quietly) Oh, but I don’t want to go back.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: What if I want to stay?

MATT: Then talk to the producers of Blindspot.

LIAM: You’re an important figure to us as well, Pickles.

ASHLEY: Pickles.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you’ve done so much for our lives. Maybe you continue to do good in these lives?

ASHLEY: Well… debatable.

TRAVIS: You can leave them anytime, and we’ll kick their ass so you can come back.

LAURA: Any moment at all.

ASHLEY: This was so great, being a part of your journey that you had.

ORION: You are always part of our journey, no matter where we go, Pike.

TRAVIS: Just keep the poo close.

MARISHA and LAURA: Yeah.

LAURA: I mean, I don’t know what it does exactly.

MARISHA: We have a good feeling about it.

LIAM: Just put your faith in Sarenrae.

ASHLEY: Okay. Well, I guess I’ll go.

LAURA: (choked sob noise)

ASHLEY: Kaitiake.

(cheering)

LAURA: Explosions!

LIAM: Tatonka.

TRAVIS: Tatonka, yeah!

ORION: I’m sorry, but Tiberius runs up and squeezes Pike, one more time.

ASHLEY: Hugs and loves.

ORION: You’re my favorite gnome.

ASHLEY: Oh, thanks. You’re my favorite– everything, I guess.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Dragonborn.

MATT: Pike turns and returns towards the excavation of the long-lost temple of Sarenrae, you all give her–

LAURA: It hurts every time, Pike.

TRAVIS: We’ll see you soon.

ASHLEY: Oh, okay.

MATT: And Keyleth, you have the boon of the spark stone to gift to whoever or whatever you see fit.

MARISHA: Do I know what it does? Can I do like a check on it?

MATT: Best you can ascertain, looking at it, is once the stone is crushed, the hands of whatever creature crushes it become bequeathed with the flame of the elemental plane itself.

ORION: Interesting.

LIAM: That would be good for anybody.

ASHLEY: Can she use it? Well, she already has that.

MARISHA: I’ll keep it safe.

MATT: You can keep tabs on it. It doesn’t affect a weapon if you’re holding it. It’s only physical attacks like punches, claws, anything like that are affected by the flame.

MARISHA: Could be cool for Grog. Boxing.

TALIESIN: Would it enchant anything in animal form?

MARISHA: Oh, claws? You said claws?

MATT: Yeah. So an animal form of yours, Trinket, anyone like that would have flames on their forearms.

TRAVIS: Maybe we’ll wait until something is negated.

LIAM: Sleep on it.

MATT: Go ahead and mark Spark Stone in your inventory. And with that, as it is 11:30, we’re going to go ahead and bring this– (laughs) Bring this session to a close, thank you guys for your patience. Thank you crew for your patience. Wanted to give Ashley a proper send-off and bring the conclusion to this chapter of the Aramente for Keyleth. Well done on your first brief journey to the harsh landscape that is the Elemental Plane of Fire.

TRAVIS: Fuck that place.

LAURA: That’s awful. Thank god that dragon didn’t freaking attack us.

TRAVIS: They don’t sell any timeshares there, I gather.

MATT: Just a reminder guys, me and Marisha will be out of town next week. There will be no Critical Role. We’ll have members here that will be still here to stream and play games and answer questions and all kinds of stuff they’ll have planned, I’m sure.

TALIESIN: Oh, and if you’re in Denver I will be at– is it Nan Desu Kan? I’m blanking. I’ll be in Denver at Nan Desu Kan, so you can go see me in Denver.

MATT: That’s awesome. And some of you guys are going to be at–

LAURA: We’re going to be at SacAnime next week. The three of us.

TRAVIS: The two twins and the handsome one.

LAURA: And I’m going to be at PAX tomorrow and Saturday, so I’m leaving tomorrow morning to head up to Seattle. Go say hi. We’re doing a crowdplay of Tales from the Borderlands on Saturday night. You should come.

MATT: That’s going to be fun.

ORION: So tune in next week for Chalk Talk with Tiberius.

MATT and LIAM: Yes!

[end of transcription]