The Elder Scrolls Online: Blackwood - Part I: Death & Taxes

is the first Critical Role adventure sponsored by Critical Role's friends at Bethesda and ZeniMax Online Studios. Game Master Matthew Mercer leads a group of restaurateurs on an adventure inspired by The Elder Scrolls Online: Blackwood!

Announcements
This episode is sponsored by Bethesda and ZeniMax Online Studios for their upcoming 2021 release of The Elder Scrolls Online: Blackwood. Matt is super excited: he loves the Elder Scrolls and he and Marisha even named their pet bird, Dagon, after a character featured in this update.

Player Characters

 * Grelnok Nightbringer, an orsimer dragonknight
 * Mallory Klaxton, a dunmer sorcerer
 * Slaughter Grimm, an argonian necromancer
 * Hoa Sen, an altmer warden
 * Tavima, a redguard templar

Non-player Characters

 * Diven Leson, an Aldmeri tax collector
 * An unnamed treasure-seeker
 * Unnamed Bosmer soldiers
 * An unnamed Grahtwood farmer

Mentioned

 * Lyranth, a dremora treasure-seeker
 * Massacre Grimm, Slaughter's father, an argonian necromantic torturer
 * Felony Grimm-Lebowitz, Slaughter's mother, an argonian necromantic torturer
 * Homicide Grimm, Slaughter's brother, an argonian necromantic torturer
 * Agony Grimm, Slaughter's sister, an argonian necromantic torturer

Quotations

 * Diven Leson: What can you tell me about this place? What's it called? Hoa: Um, it's called the… Dingy… the Jug of… the, um, Dirty, uh, Drinking Hole… What's the name of this place again? Slaughter: The Dr— Grelnok: The Dirty Hole. That's right. Tavima: "The Dirty Hole"? Hoa: The Dirty Ho— That doesn't sound right. Slaughter: The Dreary Jug! Grelnok: The Dreary Jug. Hoa: Oh, it's that, yes. It's the Dreary Jug. I'd forgotten. Diven Leson: Well, I recommend perhaps maybe workshopping that a bit, seeing as it's a bit challenging to remember and/or present. But anyway… Hoa: Wow! Do you work in marketing? Diven Leson: More or less, you could say. Hm! Hoa: Tell me more! Diven Leson: Well, um… Hoa: Where did you grow up? Where did you learn to do marketing? What does 'marketing' really mean? Diven Leson: You're—you're new at management here, aren't you? Hoa: Um… Aren't we all new beings on this beautiful planet that we call, hmm… Matt (stage-whispered): Nirn. Tavima: Nirn. Hoa: Nirn. (Winks at camera.) Taliesin: Walked into that one. Hoa: I mean, I think that every place is new and exciting, and it's great to learn about every single thing that you may set your eyes upon.
 * Grelnok (Referring to the secret entrance to a subterranean tunnel reputed to lead to treasure): How is it that this was right behind the bar the whole time? Tavima: Right? Grelnok: In our shed? Hoa: It's very coincidental that we need money and we found it right away. Slaughter: But also—could be a selling point. Tavima: True. Slaughter: You know, like, "Come to the Dirty Hole, and if you spend a certain amount, you get a quick tour of the… the dirty hole." Hoa: Oh, like an escape room thing! Slaughter: An escape room is a great idea! Hoa: Yes! Slaughter: It's like a theme restaurant now! Hoa: Yes! Mallory: I am on board with this. Hoa: I love it. Tavima: Yes. This is very good. Grelnok: I like it. I like it. Mallory: Themed menus. Tavima: And now it makes sense to call it— Grelnok and Tavima: "The Dingy Hole"! Tavima: Yes! Grelnok: Really. Slaughter: It's a theme restaurant. Hoa: Well, it's not, it can't, it doesn't have to be "Dingy". We can make it really nice in here, put lights up, and it could be "The G—" Slaughter: "The Glory Hole"? Grelnok: (Points approvingly.) Hoa: "A Really Nice Hole"? Slaughter: A Really Nice Hole. Grelnok: A Really Nice Hole. Slaughter: "Come to our Really Nice Hole. Take a look!" Hoa: It sounds better than "Dingy" to me! Grelnok: "Take a look at our Really Nice Hole!" Mallory: Hole in the Hill. I don't know. Hoa: "It's nice. And exciting. And you must escape from it." Slaughter: We're still workshoppin', we're still workshoppin'. Grelnok: Yup. Hoa: I write it down.
 * Tavima: This door sucks.
 * Matt: You come to consciousness, healing up three points. Grelnok: (Gasps.) We got it? Tavima: I can't believe that worked. Mallory: More or less. Tavima: You missed Slaughter's skull kill it! Hoa: The skull worked! Slaughter: I'm a hero! Grelnok: I don't believe it. Slaughter: Come on! Come on! Grelnok: No. Didn't happen. Didn't happen. Tavima: No, it did happen… Hoa: He did. It was glorious. It was very nice. Grelnok: That's sweet, that you guys want… Mmm. Didn't happen. Tavima: She's not going to believe me. Slaughter: It's all right. I'll prove myself with diligent waitstaffing.