Transcript:Cindergrove Revisited

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Welcome, everyone, to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice

actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. My name is Matthew Mercer, I’m the Dungeon Master.

For those who are returning, good to see you again, and for those for the first time, welcome,

and hopefully you’re not too lost. So, Sam is on his way right now, being in the usual traffic from

wherever he comes from, being a professional. Having a career that’s functional and perpetually

busy. Get here soon, Sam! Quickly, please! Drive safe. Don’t drive with children in the street.

Apparently, that was confusion from last time. People thought that he was actually driving in

children. Like, he had problems with children and traffic, and thought children in traffic. So, keep

your children out of traffic, if you don’t mind. That’s a general Critical Role request.

MARISHA: PSA.

MATT: PSA, yeah. Before we get started in this, first and foremost, I want to say hello to our

guest for the evening, Mr. Chris Hardwick.

(cheering)

CHRIS: Good to be here.

MATT: Glad you could join us for tonight’s game.

CHRIS: Also very excited to be here on Ravenclaw Appreciation Day: the best house, of course.

MARISHA: Yes, that’s true.

CHRIS: Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.

LAURA: Hufflepuff!

CHRIS: Well…

TALIESIN: Slytherin. Slytherin. Ravenclaw’s pretty good. Pretty good.

CHRIS: If by good, you mean the best.

MATT: There you go.

CHRIS: I’m sorry, there’s no–

SAM: Oh, shit! This is so awkward.

TALIESIN: I thought we called you.

CHRIS: Can you stand near the bear?

LAURA: His name is Trinket, all right?

SAM: Is this how I was fired from the show?

CHRIS: We thought we would do it on the livestream just to really help capture the traffic that that

would bring.

SAM: Good luck. I think you’re going to do great. These guys will take care of you.

CHRIS: I’ve been working with this guy for the last couple of years on Sanjay & Craig. He gets

all businessy, he’s a responsible adult in the workplace.

MATT: And then he comes here.

SAM: And then I come here. You’re not, you’re the same.

CHRIS: I can’t wait to see this other side.

SAM: Where am I supposed to sit?! Right here?

MATT: Right there, yeah. Just scoot in.

SAM: Is that true? I don’t know. Are we scooting over?

CHRIS: I would move over, but I need both. My legs are–

SAM: This is the most awkward.

TALIESIN: It’s like a New York subway over here.

CHRIS: Can you just rappel down that?

MATT: There we go.

LAURA: This is so awkward.

SAM: I love it. No, no, I’ve got the half-table at the end here. It’s great.

CHRIS: Matt, I don’t like having people on my right side. Is this weird?

MATT: If becomes a problem, just raise your hand and scream.

CHRIS: It’s already a problem.

MATT: Oh, damn it!

MARISHA: I’m technically at the end. This is on Chris, really.

LIAM: Can you scoot the whole bench down on this side?

LAURA: Yeah, scoot the bench down. Look at how far the bench is on our side.

TRAVIS: Put the leg of the table between here.

MATT: Very well-oiled machine, Critical Role.

LAURA: Thanks for joining us this week.

MATT: The utmost of presentory quality we promise to you on a weekly basis. Thank you for joining

us. All right, so.

TRAVIS: Lock it up, right table, Jesus!

SAM: Sorry, we’re ready.

MATT: Welcome, Sam, glad you could make it. Let’s get through our announcements quickly for the

week. Tomorrow, a bunch of us are going to be at Wondercon down at the LA Convention Center. Not

Anaheim. It’s always been at Anaheim, and I thought it was Anaheim when I mentioned it last

week. But, no, it’s in LA because everything likes to prove me wrong. We’ll be there. 7:00-8:00pm is

our Critical Role panel, so if you’re in the area, you’re coming to the event, come say hello, bring

questions, preferably not punch me in the face for getting it wrong with Anaheim.

CHRIS: It used to be in San Francisco.

MATT: Even before that!

CHRIS: Yeah! I went to it at Moscone Center like six or seven years ago, and then Anaheim. It’s

getting closer and closer.

MARISHA: Yeah, it’s going to be in Lancaster next year.

TALIESIN: And the year after, it’s going to be at my house. It’ll be great.

MATT: We will go there for that. Going to Lancaster for anything is a difficult choice.

Sorry, Lancaster!

LAURA: Longest announcements ever!

MATT: I know! We have, tonight–

MARISHA: Shirts!

MATT: I’m getting to it! We had an issue last week where a bunch of our Gilmore shirts sold out

really quickly.

SAM: This shirt, right here?

MATT: That shirt that you’re wearing, the Gilmore’s Glorious Goods.

LAURA: The one that everybody wants, but nobody can have.

SAM: I have it!

MATT: That’s terrible.

SAM: Oh, sorry.

CHRIS: Do I have to sit next to him?

TRAVIS: The whole time.

SAM: Don’t worry, I’ve already been emasculated.

(laughter)

MATT: We’re counting it as community service, it’ll be fine. However, in trying to make sure

that we can help our folks who don’t get to see it live have an opportunity at these, we’re going to

be starting for a week a limited pre-order for Gilmore shirts. Should be up live now on the

website. So if you didn’t have the opportunity to go ahead and grab your own Gilmore’s Glorious

Goods shirt, go to GeekandSundry.com right now, go to their store, it should be available for

pre-orders for the next week.

LIAM: Grab this unicorn by the horn.

MATT: Yes. Yes. Grog– Travis, but Grog. You’re wearing a delightful shirt, there. Would you like

to tell us a bit about that shirt?

TRAVIS: This is the next of our shirt designs–

SAM: Oh, is that true?

TRAVIS: – the Strongjaw Ale shirt design, which will be on sale tomorrow at our Wondercon panel

and the Geek and Sundry store as well.

LIAM: That is manly.

TRAVIS: Aged six months in a Bag of Holding.

(laughter)

LAURA: You can read?

TRAVIS: Upside-down only.

MATT: Makes sense. Anyone else have any announcements they want to bring up?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I can now be your companion, as of this week, in Fallout 4, if you build a robot and

give it the male voice, I can be really polite to you for hours on end.

LAURA and MATT: Yay!

TALIESIN: You can have me be very polite. That’s the only way you can have me be very polite.

MATT: You can make him very polite, and apparently be sexy Codsworth, which is the new

internet thing. It’s the Codsworth top with the normal legs at the bottom, and it’s just sexy

running Codsworth, with Taliesin’s voice. So do that.

TALIESIN: That horrifies me.

CHRIS: May I promote just a quick thing?

MATT: Of course, please!

CHRIS: We’re doing the Nerdist panel Sunday at Wondercon, and then I’m going to do a signing

right afterwards, I think 11 and 12 are the two times for that, and then, if you have a chance, I

just posted on Facebook the full, unedited episode. We did a Trump v. Sanders debate on

@Midnight last night, and it was really fun.

MATT: It’s awesome.

CHRIS: And they extended it to an hour because it was so much fun, so it’s on Facebook now, and just

go and share it, please, because we enjoyed making it.

MATT: It’s awesome, seriously.

CHRIS: Thank you very much.

MATT: Of course, of course, yeah, check that one out. I caught that earlier today, haphazardly, and

I’m glad I did. And you’ll be glad too.

MARISHA: Did it trend on Twitter? That’s where I saw it.

CHRIS: It did, yeah, last night it did and then we stuck it up today. And then a comedy special on

Comedy Central, Funcomfortable, April 30th.

MATT: April 30th. Heck yeah, man, congrats.

(cheering)

MATT: That’ll be awesome. All righty.

LIAM: Oh my gosh, ‘critrole’ is the code you need for free shipping if you want Wyrmwood Gaming

boxes to hold your dice in them. We all have them. I have some at home. My kids love them. Critrole

is the code you need for free shipping.

TRAVIS: (belches)

CHRIS: I expected a bassier belch.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I know, it comes from her, though, she’s like a howitzer, it’s a whole other thing.

LAURA: Yeah. I’ll surprise you with it, don’t worry.

TRAVIS: It’ll make your shirt move, it’s legit.

MATT: No, like, she’ll actually surprise you, she’ll wait until you’re walking through a parking

garage at two am and just over your shoulder (belches).

TRAVIS: Telephone rings. Hello? (belches)

MATT: Exactly. She’s good. Anyone have anything else they want to announce before we jump into the

game?

SAM: I’m sitting on half a chair.

MATT: Thank you for that, Sam.

CHRIS: Scoot a cheek here.

SAM: No, no, I’m fine, I’m fine.

LAURA: He’s not fine.

CHRIS: It was important enough for you to bring it up, Sam.

SAM: I’m fine, Christopher.

LIAM: His character is small, but he has a big personality.

CHRIS: How do you do this every week?

MATT: That’s a good, good question.

TALIESIN: Normally sedated.

Part I
MATT: All righty. So. Let’s go ahead and jump into this wondrous–

TALIESIN: Oh, god.

MATT: So, to get you guys a little bit up to speed with some of the fun that’s happened previously on

Critical Role, our band of intrepid adventurers, Vox Machina, after having a horrible encounter

with the Chroma Conclave, a gathering of chromatic evil dragons that has just torn through the

Tal'Dorei countryside, destroying cityscape after cityscape, the party has fled and has been seeking

information on how to possibly eventually topple these creatures and restore order to the land of

Tal'Dorei. They began seeking these artifacts known as the Vestiges of Divergence that promise

ancient power from wars long past that could aid them in this journey. After acquiring one, with a

near-death experience by Vex'ahlia over there, they began their next step in the journey.

However, as part of a recent scrying spell by Keyleth, the druid, they discovered that the Pyrah

tribe of her druidic heritage, the Ashari, were decimated as their home of Pyrah was the portal to

the fire elemental plane that they normally guard, was where Thordak the Cinder King, the great red

dragon, tore through into this prime realm and managed to seemingly wipe out most if not all of

the tribe. Vox Machina made the relatively grim journey back to the mountainside, finding it now

brimming with volcanic rock and volcanic activity that previously lay dormant. Upon climbing the

side of the mountain, you found remnants of the Pyrah tribe still alive, and making their way up

the mountain, as damaged as they are, in hopes of sealing this now progressively swelling tear

between the prime material plane and the elemental plane of fire. Not just that, there was aid that

came to the Pyrah tribe. And it involved a number of Air Ashari, one of which was Korren, Keyleth’s

father. There was a brief, tearful exchange and reunion before the rest of you, steeling

yourselves, began to walk in towards the center of the mountain’s caldera, towards the remnants of

the Cindergrove, the now-destroyed and sundered petrified forest, in hopes of closing this

rippling tear to the elemental plane once and for all. And this is where we begin. So. The group of

the six of you, gathering alongside the dozen or so Pyrah members, with various burns, Cerkonos,

who is the leader of the tribe, now missing his arm, cauterized at the shoulder, all advancing

forward quietly in this tense push of necessity. You can see in the distance, swirling between the

trees, clusters of glowing elemental entities that are either spilling forth from this recently and

have taken this landscape as their own, or are just enjoying in their– elementals like to burn

shit. And so you’re seeing fire elementals wandering about, just tearing through what remains of this

countryside, and let’s see, you actually, Vex'ahlia– as you guys are stepping forward,

keeping an eye on these glowing distant entities, these creatures, you catch out of the corner of

your eye what appears to be a number of other humanoids, a small cluster of shadowed individuals

far off to the left, tucked around the bottom of a tree.

LAURA: I ask everyone to wait. Percy.

TALIESIN: Yes?

LAURA: Can you look through your scope and see who that is?

TALIESIN: I’ll take a look.

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: First roll.

TALIESIN: Ooh. That’s not bad.

(eerie music)

LAURA: The music.

LIAM: The violins go south.

TALIESIN: 23.

MATT: 23. Glancing over in that direction, you see, towards one of the larger, broken petrified

trees, right on the outskirts of the Cindergrove forest, you see what appear to be a cluster of

humanoids. Two of them have flesh. The other two do not. These skeletal creatures shuffle in place,

clutching a blade to one side, while the other two appear to be in partially rotted states. They’re

mostly disinterested in their surroundings and stand there, head to the side, aimless–

TALIESIN: Are they in the clothing of the natives, or do they not look to be Ashari?

MATT: From what you can tell, one of them does appear to have Ashari wardrobe. The other one does not.

TRAVIS: – he said in a weird way.

TALIESIN: They look undead. Doesn’t–

LAURA: Are they from here?

TALIESIN: Possibly. One looks vaguely familiar, but there’s something wrong. We should proceed–

let’s go up and find out what’s happening. Slowly, and armed.

MATT: At this point, Korren, Keyleth’s father and the head of the Air Ashari in your absence, puts

his hand forth and goes, “I’m sorry, you’re saying that you see along the way undead creatures.”

TALIESIN: Yes. There’s something unnatural over in that direction. We should probably be the ones to

investigate.

MATT: “All right. Given the nature of the elemental presence here, we’re going to have to

“probably divide and attack the central place from multiple positions, otherwise they’re going to

"have too strong of a fire-front at the edges of this border. Do you feel confident enough to

"handle your own sliver of this assault?”

TRAVIS: (scoffs and laughs) Is he serious?

MARISHA: Grog. I believe we can handle it.

LAURA: We don’t have a lot of magic wielders with us, though.

MATT: “That’s all right–”

SAM: (clears throat) I’m pretty good.

LAURA: A lot of magic wielders.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you’re better than good, buddy.

TALIESIN: You’re okay.

MATT: “Well, we’ll keep an eye out. We’ll have two of our druids overhead, keeping eyesight. If

"anything goes wrong, signal up there. You know how, Keyleth. And we’ll send them down to aid you.

"All right.”

LAURA: Sounds good.

MATT: “The air Ashari will come from the northeast. Cerkonos, take the rest of your tribe,

"head from the west. You, continue on forward. If this troupe you’ve found of seemingly lifeless

"entities looks even remotely dangerous, do not engage. They are not our target. But if this is a

"scourge that has spread into the Cindergrove, I fear we may be in worse shape than I had

"originally envisioned. Regardless, stay silent, stay swift.” He looks back to the rest of the Air

Ashari, and all of them, their outer form shimmers as the wind begins to collect around their feet,

ever so quietly, and they all with an intense speed begin to trek at an incredible pace,

seemingly blending in with the rock surroundings as they go, disappearing around one side of the

Cindergrove forest. Cerkonos and the others nod. Cerkonos looks to the rest of you, brings up his

one hand and gives a touch to the top of his chest and sternum and bows his head and goes, “I wish

"you all great luck. See you on the inside.” And the rest of the fire Ashari turn into burning fire

elemental forms and begin to streak through the various broken rocks and pieces of glass-shattered

obsidian that peppered this landscape in the caldera, leaving the six of you ready to trek

forward yourself.

TRAVIS: Scanlan, can you do that?

SAM: Ah, no. No, and I don’t think I could learn.

TRAVIS: Oh.

LAURA: Perfect. So.

MARISHA: Let’s go.

LAURA: Avoid the skeletons?

MARISHA: Avoid the skeletons.

TALIESIN: Let’s take a look, at least.

MARISHA: What?

TALIESIN: We’re supposed to make sure they’re not part of something larger that’s heading in–

LAURA: They’re in the way, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Did you not just hear my father–

TALIESIN: He said if they don’t bother us, to leave them alone, but that we should just check to

make sure that they’re not part of something.

LAURA: Are they in the path at all, do they look like they’re going to be near us when we go?

MATT: They look like, wherever you’re traveling– because there’s an open expanse of about 80 or so

feet before you actually reach the edge of the Cindergrove, and they’re right on the outskirts of

the Cindergrove forest, so lest you’re very careful, they would technically see you if they’re

paying attention.

TRAVIS: Yes!

TALIESIN: Tread gently and see if they react.

MARISHA: Do you have Pass Without a Trace, Vex?

LAURA: I do. But, Keyleth, the minute we start fighting, they will notice us, and then they’ll

attack us from behind.

TALIESIN: So it would be best to get their attention now when everything’s quiet.

MARISHA: We also don’t want to waste all of our abilities on undead.

TALIESIN: There’s only two, maybe four of them.

MATT: There’s four of them.

LIAM: That we see.

MARISHA: Why don’t we just tread that way, and we’ll see what happens.

TALIESIN: That’s exactly what we’re saying.

SAM: What could happen?

LAURA: I guess I use Pass Without a Trace on all of us.

TALIESIN: You did.

MARISHA: Did we already have it?

LAURA: Did we already have it? From last time?

MATT: As long as you’re maintaining your concentration, how long does it last for?

Concentration? I believe it–

LAURA: It holds for up to an hour.

MATT: An hour, yeah, so you can still be under that effect.

LAURA: Sweet.

MATT: So I would like all six of you to roll stealth checks for me, if you could.

TRAVIS: With triple advantage?

MATT: No. Just the plus ten. Which is better than advantage.

MARISHA: Triple advantage.

TRAVIS: 25.

TALIESIN: 30.

MARISHA: 28.

LIAM: 38.

LAURA: 30.

MATT: 38–

SAM: 14.

(laughter)

MATT: With plus ten?

SAM: With the plus ten.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Incredible.

SAM: Tra-la-la-la-la.

MATT: So as the entire group bends down into a ninja-like stance, just darting across as fast as

they can, keeping low to the ground and using much of the shadow of the overhead clouds and smoke

that has completely engulfed the above skyscape, behind you, bounding very loudly, is a gentle

gnome, swishing brown hair–

SAM: I’m trying to do that thing that the Ashari just did.

MATT: Right. It’s not working.

LIAM: Hot, hot, hot.

MATT: And as you’re darting across, you’re jumping over little open globules of molten lava that is

starting to pour out from various crevices in the stone floor, you try to hop around to avoid that,

and in doing so, your foot catches the edge of a piece of stone, and you begin to go into a tumble.

Make an acrobatics check.

SAM: Oh, yes. Mm-hm. Oh, disadvantage, because I’m exhausted.

MATT: You are.

LAURA: Oh, shit. I forgot about that.

LIAM: The honest gnome.

SAM: Okay. 14.

MATT: (laughs) You do manage to catch yourself, with a slight tumble, skid a bit on your ass, and

land on your feet. It would’ve been a cool three-point landing if anyone else had attempted

it, but you just barely catch yourself, look back at the group with a sheepish grin, and out of the

corner of your eye, you see one of the undead entities turn its head and look right in your direction.

LAURA: (whispering) Good job, Scanlan.

SAM: (whispering) I think it saw Grog.

TRAVIS: Sorry.

MATT: It starts wandering in your direction.

SAM: Should we engage or keep going?

MARISHA: I’m afraid if we engage, it could draw attention to an entire slew of what could be

around.

TALIESIN: Let’s just put it down quietly.

MARISHA: All right, Jesus Christ.

TALIESIN: No magic.

LAURA: No.

TALIESIN: Just weapons.

LAURA: No guns.

TALIESIN: No guns. I pull my sword.

MARISHA: Vex, you might be the most capable of this.

LAURA: I shoot it with an arrow.

MATT: All right, roll for an attack.

LAURA: Okay. Just going for it. Okay.

TRAVIS: Wow.

LAURA: I’m literally, I think I cursed myself sometime between here and San Francisco.

TALIESIN: The d20s talk to each other and they know that you’re not true.

LAURA: 18.

MATT: 18. That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

LIAM: Can I attack on her heels when she’s done?

MATT: At this distance, it’ll take a little bit to rush up if you want to–

LIAM: 60 feet.

MATT: I’ll say at this point they’re roughly 60 feet from you, so if you wanted to–

LIAM: That’s my distance.

MATT: Oh, if you go full speed, you can.

MARISHA: Daggers.

MATT: Oh, throwing it.

LAURA: 15 damage.

MATT: 15 damage. On which one, the skeleton or–

LAURA: Oh, that’s sneak attack, right? Because I’m hidden.

MATT: It would be from you, yes. The–

LAURA: Extra two.

MATT: What? Extra two. Okay. Is this against one of the zombies or one of the skeletons?

LAURA: I was doing the one that was walking towards us, I thought the other ones were still in

the area–

MATT: All right, then that would be one of the zombies.

LAURA: Yeah, okay.

MATT: All right. The arrow streaks through the air, slamming into the chest, and it embeds

itself, causing a piece of tendon to snap and curl back inside the torso. Its arm falls a little more

limp than it was previously, and it just keeps walking forward.

LAURA: I hide.

MATT: All right, go ahead and roll a stealth check. You–

LIAM: They’re all grouped together?

MATT: Three of them are grouped together by the tree. The one that noticed is slowly wandering

toward you.

LIAM: All right, so I’m going to throw at that one as well.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: 39. Stealth.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: I’m just going to throw one, and just to check, I’m hidden, yeah?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: So this is Assassinate, I have advantage because it hasn’t gone yet, and it’s a crit

because I’m surprising it.

MATT: Mm-hm.

LIAM: 25.

MATT: 25. With that, as this zombie entity is hobbling forward, the dagger strikes it right in

the center of the skull, right where its mouth and jaw hinge hit, severs the base of the skull to the

spine, and the head just rolls off onto the ground underneath. The body takes two more steps before

falling forward.

LAURA: Yeah, do they all– did any of the other ones notice that?

MATT: All the other undead creatures all of a sudden turn into the forest, as opposed to towards where

the death happened–

LAURA: Ah, shit.

MATT: And you see running out from the forest towards you, a blue-skinned humanoid, rushing out,

arms in the air.

CHRIS: (in an Irish accent) Stop, stop, stop what you’re doing! Stop it! What have you done? What

have you fucking done? It wasn’t hurting anybody! I don’t understand it. Jesus Christ, these are not

easy to make.

TRAVIS: Are we killing this one?

SAM: No, no, don’t kill him, he’s precious.

CHRIS: What did I do?

SAM: Who are you? Who are you?

CHRIS: Who are you, you’re fucking shooting at me, you’re asking me questions!

SAM: But these are zombies, these are undead, these are creatures of evil!

LAURA: They were attacking us, they were attacking him!

CHRIS: These were in my employ.

SAM: Oh.

LAURA: Well, you should keep a leash on them, then.

CHRIS: That would be inhumane, wouldn’t it?

SAM: They’re not human.

CHRIS: Well, they were, that’s very disrespectful of you, I don’t appreciate it.

LIAM: Are they pets? Are they friends? Where were you–

CHRIS: They’re friend-pets.

LIAM: You have to be around, though. To keep an eye on them.

CHRIS: I know, but I’ve been traveling out here for a while, and so they provide a layer of

protection. Certainly not great now. Now they were four, now there’s three.

LIAM: Well, listen, when we see these things without an owner around, we take them out, I’m

sorry, it’s pretty standard.

SAM: This can’t be the first time this has happened.

CHRIS: It does happen quite a lot, actually, yes. Now that I think about it, it’s probably a little

bit on me, I suppose.

SAM: Can you make them vests or something that says ‘service’?

CHRIS: That’s a nice idea, as I’m a vest-maker.

LAURA: Put them in a bright color, put a happy mask on them or something, so people know they’re

nice.

CHRIS: Certainly, yeah, yeah, masks and vests, that’s a great idea.

MATT: You see agreeing before you a blue-scaled dragonborn. If you would like to describe yourself

for the party.

CHRIS: Yes, sorry, I forgot. Where are my manners? My name is Gern Blanston.

SAM: No, it’s not.

CHRIS: It’s Gern Blanston.

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

CHRIS: This one’s very rude.

TRAVIS: He is.

CHRIS: You look exhausted.

SAM: This volcano– do you live near here? This volcano really takes the piss out of you.

CHRIS: No, no, no, I don’t live near here. Listen, I’ve been traveling, I’m a simple candlemaker.

SAM: What are you doing on top of a volcano?

CHRIS: A volcano is nature’s candle! What a stupid question.

LAURA: You make candles, but you also make undead?

CHRIS: Yes. They’re– yes. They’re like people-candles.

LAURA: Can I insight and see if he’s telling the truth?

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: Our lives are so bizarre now.

LAURA: 17.

MATT: 17. He’s telling the truth.

CHRIS: Why is my brain tingling? Is someone noodling around inside there?

MATT: She eyes you up and down, trying to get a feel for whether or not you’re who you say you are.

CHRIS: I make special candles. I make special candles. I’m searching for some magical items up

here in this volcano. I understand there was a wee bit of damage not long ago from a dragon that had

torn through the region, and so I’m just searching for scraps to make these simple candles. That’s

why– this is my dance vest. I think dancing is very important. I’m alone most of the time, it

keeps me occupied. They have no appreciation for the arts, these undead creatures that are

friend-pets, and, you know, I’ve just been digging around up here, seeing what I can scrounge up and

find. What are you lot?

TRAVIS: Wait, are they special candles or are they simple candles?

CHRIS: Well, some are simple. Some just create light, and others create tragedy for people.

SAM: They’re magical candles?

CHRIS: Yes, in a word. Actually, magic is the perfect word.

MARISHA: Who exactly is the patronage of your candle business? Who do you sell to?

CHRIS: I mean, I sell to no one in particular, really. I have to be a little choosy about who

gets the candles, but it’s something that I’ve crafted over the years.

SAM: Well, we feel dreadful about killing one of your pets.

MARISHA: I’m so sorry.

SAM: Perhaps we can purchase a candle off of you to make amends.

CHRIS: Well, maybe you could just kill someone else, and then I could just bring them back, I

mean, that would be a wonderful way to repay.

LAURA: Well, you know what, we’re on our way to do just that thing.

CHRIS: Really?

MARISHA: Things do tend to die around us a lot.

TRAVIS: Something larger things, sometimes smaller things.

SAM: Would you like a body to reanimate or something?

MARISHA: You might get something even bigger.

CHRIS: Are you inviting me to come along with you?

SAM: I don’t know. Are we?

CHRIS: Did I just invite myself to come along with you?

TRAVIS: Well maybe, like, if you give us one of those tragedy candles, we can always light it for

somebody. That could be good down the road.

MARISHA: Oh, like candles for funerals? That’s sad. We do have a lot of tragedy.

TRAVIS: We bake somebody a cake, we shove a candle in the top, and we give it to them.

CHRIS: I don’t think that would be a grand idea unless you didn’t like the person very much.

TRAVIS: Well, that’s what I meant, yeah.

CHRIS: Well, I think for now I’ll just hold onto the candles I have and just see how things pan

out. I really don’t know any of you.

SAM: We’re Vox Machina, a traveling band of adventurers led by me, Scanlan Shorthalt, and

these are my compatriots. We’re on a very important mission to get– what are we doing?

MARISHA: We’re trying to close this giant rift that we’re walking into.

SAM: We have to break something big and scary.

CHRIS: What’s your name again?

SAM: Scanlan Shorthalt.

CHRIS: No, what’s the name of your group?

LAURA: Vox Machina.

CHRIS: No offense, but that sounds like a shite band.

LAURA: Thank you.

CHRIS: Are you musicians?

TALIESIN: It’s better than Tragedy Candle, really, I mean that’s a shite band, to be fair.

CHRIS: (laughs) They opened for Vox Machina. They were fantastic. Oh, am I not thinking of the right

thing? That’s all right.

SAM: I’m a musician.

CHRIS: Excellent.

SAM: But these people, they can’t really hold a tune so much.

CHRIS: Listen, seeing as how that you’ve killed one of my undead thralls, it’d be really nice if I

could join you to see if maybe we can scrounge up some other things along the way.

LAURA: Then you’ll help us?

CHRIS: I mean, we’ll see how it pans out, but I feel like everything would come to an abrupt

ending if I just walked away at this point.

LAURA: It would be very strange.

CHRIS: Thoroughly unsatisfying for anyone else who might be witnessing this exchange.

SAM: Your undead pets, are they going to try and eat our brains or anything?

CHRIS: No, no, they’re just fine. That right there is Coral, and that’s Stimpy, and that’s Fatty

Arbuckle.

SAM: Who was the one that we killed?

CHRIS: Oh, that was Carol. Very sad, very sad indeed.

LAURA: Carol and Coral?

CHRIS: Carol and Coral. I get them confused.

MARISHA: Were they sisters?

CHRIS: No, no, no, they were not initially related, but we became a makeshift family after a

while.

SAM: Oh, that’s very beautiful.

CHRIS: I notice subtle differences that most of the living doesn’t notice.

TRAVIS: Aren’t we supposed to be doing something really like–

LAURA: Yeah, tell you what, Gern, we’re actually–

LIAM: It’s dangerous around us, I don’t know–

LAURA: We should probably press on, and you can join us with your family.

CHRIS: Please, that would be very nice.

TRAVIS: What was your name, one more time?

CHRIS: Gern Blanston.

TRAVIS: Yeah, okay.

CHRIS: Gern.

TRAVIS: Well, let’s go, let’s move along then, Gern, yeah? You good to come along with your herd of–

SAM: Can you fight and stuff in case shit goes down?

MARISHA: If you make magical candles, you must know a little bit of magic, correct?

CHRIS: I’m a little bit better of a spellcaster than I am a fisticuffs type of person.

MARISHA: Okay.

LAURA: Perfect. We’re short on magic people. That’s wonderful.

CHRIS: Excellent. No offense.

SAM: All taken.

TRAVIS: We move along.

LAURA: Are we still trying to stealth? Or does it even matter?

LIAM: Your dead things don’t stealth, I would assume?

CHRIS: They’re not very delicate, unfortunately. No, no, they’re really for protection. Now, the

zombies can really take a lot of damage to the front of the chest and the skeletons are quite

quick, actually. So, you know. They’ve been fairly good for a while.

LAURA: All right.

TALIESIN: Good to know.

LAURA: We head towards the thing.

TRAVIS: Stealthily.

CHRIS: To the thing!

TRAVIS: Shush! Stealthily.

CHRIS: (whispering) To the thing!

MATT: Go ahead and make a stealth check, if you don’t mind, Gern.

LAURA: Does my Pass Without a Trace work on him too, does it like envelop him–

MATT: Nope. He wasn’t there when you cast it.

CHRIS: 11.

TRAVIS: Fuck.

MATT: 11?

TALIESIN: He’s not under Pass Without a Trace.

MATT: No, and then– No. As you guys begin stealthily, there is a couple of (footfalls) heavy

footfalls of the lumbering dragonborn.

CHRIS: These old dragon feet–

MATT: No tail on this one.

SAM: What happened to your tail?

CHRIS: Please don’t ask me about that.

SAM: Okay, I won’t.

MATT: The only other dragonborn you’ve seen without a tail was the paladin that worked in the

Council. Tofor Brotorus. So, that does catch your attention a little bit. Not just the dragonborn

lumbering, but now the three undead that are (groaning) stepping behind.

LAURA: They’re worse than Trinket, Scanlan.

MARISHA: I don’t know. I don’t know if stealth is going to be a thing, going forward.

TALIESIN: (whistling)

TRAVIS: Yeah! (whistles)

LAURA: Okay.

CHRIS: Sorry, these dragon lips can’t whistle. Mostly just fire comes out.

MATT: And it’s at that point you hear the cracking of what sounds like heavy timber, no more than 30

feet away from you. You all stop in place suddenly and you glance over and you can see the flickering

of light of what appears to be a flame-based elemental energy that’s tearing over the side of a

newly fallen petrifoid– petrifoid– (mocking Chris’ accent) petrifoid tree, look what you’ve

done to me! This is your fault!

TRAVIS: Gern, son of a bitch.

CHRIS: Purple hearts, green stars! Purple hearts.

SAM: Seen some shit.

CHRIS: Special veteran’s edition of Lucky Charms.

MATT: Very, very Lucky Charms.

CHRIS: Very Lucky Charms.

LIAM: Shit.

MATT: So!

TALIESIN: Well, that got dark.

MATT: Yeah, how about that?

LIAM: Back to normal, then, eh?

TALIESIN: Yeah, okay.

MATT: So. As the flame begins to trickle and burn over the edge, you can see there is an

intelligence to it. There are a couple of arms that writhe over the side and the head pops

over and glances, and stops in place, frozen, staring over in the direction of the bounding

dragonborn.

MARISHA: It’s a fire elemental?

MATT: It’s smaller than what you’re used to seeing, but it is indeed a creature made of

elemental flame.

MARISHA: Would he be considered a primordial?

MATT: It would be considered an elemental.

MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to go fire elemental.

MATT: Okay. So you’re using your transform–

MARISHA: Seeing it, I’m going to transform and go into my fire elemental.

TRAVIS: Is this the first time you’ve done that?

LAURA: No no, she’s done that.

MARISHA: Is this the first time I’ve been fire elemental?

MATT: I think it’s the first time you’ve been fire elemental, yeah?

LAURA: Really?

MARISHA: Yeah, learned from Cerkonos, yeah.

MATT: So, you guys watch as Keyleth’s form suddenly erupts into flame, which freaks you out

for a second, as you’re uncertain as to whether or not she did that.

TRAVIS: Keyleth! Are you all right?

MARISHA: In fire elemental, just like–

LAURA: Does it still look like Keyleth or– what does it look like?

MATT: It has for a moment, an essence of Keyleth’s more lithe form that most elementals would, but

still these long, curling flame like-arms, these eyes that glow a bright white fire in the center

of the face. Other than that, relatively formless other than what looks like where her hair would

be, these wisps of flame curl up behind her.

LAURA: Pretty freaking sick. Can you talk to it?

MARISHA: That’s what I’m going to go do.

MATT: So as you approach the elemental form–

MARISHA: So I approach and I’m going to do the animal instinct thing and poof up and make myself

a little big.

MATT: The creature behind the form, you can see, is drifting away from the trunk of the tree.

MARISHA: Oh, it’s running from me?

MATT: It’s turned away and is moving away from you, yeah.

SAM: That was easy.

MARISHA: Deuces. And I roll back.

LAURA: I thought we were supposed to keep them from coming out into this world.

MARISHA: Are we– wait. Are we in the fire plane yet?

MATT: No no, you’re just– you’re in the caldera to–

MARISHA: Oh, we’re in the caldera.

MATT: Yeah, you haven’t traversed the plane. You’re making your way into the remnants of the

Cindergrove.

LAURA: Maybe you should ask it to go back.

MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to say “Halt!” in Ignan. Which I’m assuming it speaks.

MATT: You guys hear in the distance this echo of this weird sucking-crackling sound that goes– It

halts for a second, looks over its shoulder and then goes into double speed, disappearing into the

trees. Away from you.

TRAVIS: Kind of following your lead here.

MARISHA: I follow after it and I say, in the name of the guardians of this realm, you will stop!

MATT: Okay, as you follow it past the initial treeline, it’s where a bunch of trees have fallen

over and formed a small blockade in this portion of the forest. You glance over as you’re shouting

that and you can see what appear to be another of the same small elemental that this one has gone

to, to have a brief conversation. Beyond that, you see a larger one, roughly your size, that has just

turned around and noticed your presence, and all of them look over at what appears to be another

humanoid creature, but instead of a lower torso of legs, it’s an elongated snake-like body, its black

and red scales across its entire form, two human arms and a humanoid face but these webbed red

spines down its entire back.

SAM: Gern, is that one of yours? That’s you, Gern. Gern.

CHRIS: No, I don’t know who this is. I don’t– I’m not familiar. I’m not familiar with who this is.

LAURA: I take my potion of fire resistance.

CHRIS: I could send them a present in the form of a candle, if you prefer.

LAURA: Do it.

MATT: At this point in time, Keyleth, as you’re standing there, looking over this edge, they all

turn and the creature, the weird– I’ll say it– a salamander-like creature, begins shouting out

phrases in Ignan, which you understand. It says, “Go! He’s not here yet! Alleviate this

"uncontrolled one!” At which point, they all begin to swarm towards you.

MARISHA: At which point I’m going to do a fire intimidation tactic. I’m going to do a fire radial

thing. And I’m going to say, as the leader of this realm, as the Kaitaki of the Fire Nation, you will

heed my word.

CHRIS: Quite dramatic, isn’t she?

MATT: As you guys are watching this from a distance, all you hear is (guttural noises). It’s

really confusing and a little hilarious, to be honest.

LAURA: I think it’s going well.

MATT: I need you to make an intimidation check.

MARISHA: No, that one fails me a lot.

TRAVIS: Yeah, sure it fails you.

MATT: What you got, Keyleth?

MARISHA: It does! Shut up, Travis. Natural 20!

TRAVIS: Ha. Thought I made a point.

MATT: All right. As this happens, the two smaller elementals shrink down and glance over at the

larger one. The larger one looks about and shouts back at you in Ignan, once again: “Do you serve him?”

MARISHA: It doesn’t matter who I serve, for I am above him. I am your master now. This is not your

realm. Get back into the fire plane. Where you came from.

MATT: He looks back at the long snake-like humanoid who’s standing there who glances at the

other one and goes, “She wants us back. Very well.” And they all turn around and begin to

slowly drift back towards the center of the Cindergrove where the flickering light was.

MARISHA: Holy shit.

LAURA: Good job, Keyleth!

TRAVIS: We don’t know what happened, why are we clapping?

LAURA: They’re turning around, they’re heading back in that direction!

MARISHA: I fly back over to them, still in fire elemental form–

LIAM: Whoa whoa whoa!

MARISHA: And I’m like: You guys! Did you see that! It was really crazy! Did you see? Did you see?

They think I’m their leader! They think I’m their god!

TRAVIS: Is she talking in normal, or is she talking in the (flickering flames).

MATT: (flickering flames)

TRAVIS: Yeah, no idea what you’re doing or saying.

LAURA: You’re very scary right now, dear.

CHRIS: Is she going to be sick?

TRAVIS: I think so. I might have to tackle you if you don’t calm the fuck down.

MARISHA: I chill out. I chill out, I can’t revert back, though, guys, because I want to stay in this.

MATT: So the fire elemental is just like (calm whoosh). And it’s more of a smoldering sad

elemental at the moment.

MARISHA: I give them a fire thumbs-up.

MATT: There you go. Strong sad elemental.

LIAM: First word. Two syllables.

TRAVIS: So, they’re going back. Do we move on?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah. I’m going to take off, leading in my fire elemental form, deeper towards the rift.

Keeping my eye out for any elementals that might be escaping.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: This is her game.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but it’s on fire.

MATT: Go ahead and make a sleight of hand check.

LAURA: What?

CHRIS: 18.

MATT: Okay. Vex, make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Roll high.

LAURA: Pressure!

TALIESIN: Use one of your good dice.

LAURA: Perception.

LIAM: And roll bad.

LAURA: Shut up.

TALIESIN: Should’ve used the good dice.

LAURA: 30. No. 28.

MATT: 28?

SAM: Yep! Wait, are you exhausted?

MATT: Yeah, you are.

LAURA: On everything?

MATT: Skill check. Roll again.

LAURA: No, even better!

TRAVIS: Even better.

LIAM: So it’s the earlier.

MATT: So it’s the earlier one, yeah. Okay. You just see, as you’re all just walking along, your

new blue dragonborn friend just reaches down and snatches something from the dirt, pockets it and

keeps walking.

LAURA: I follow behind him and keep watching him. Can I see what it was?

MATT: You have no idea. You just see a little cluster of ash and dust on the ground that’s been

partially disturbed. All right. As you continue to press forward, you hear in the distance a loud

cracking sound echoing, and you can see what appear to be a number of trees in the far-off side

to the northeastern side of the forest, as a brief whirlwind flickers up. You assume this is probably

from the Fire Ashari, who’ve taken that side of the entranceway, and you can see two flickering

lights drift up in the air before sparking out in the distance.

TRAVIS: Ooh, really?

LAURA: Should we let them know we’re in place, then?

MARISHA: I’ll throw up a Skywrite. Or actually, as a fire elemental, can I just be like (fire flares)

in fire elemental form?

MATT: I mean, you can make some localized fire happen.

MARISHA: Can I send up a little bit like a flare?

MATT: Not in the way you would want to, you’d have to drop form for that and cast a spell.

MARISHA: Fuck.

LAURA: I’m going to set an arrow on fire and shoot it up in the air.

MARISHA: I don’t realize she’s doing it.

MATT: Okay. As you go ahead and take the arrow– What do you have around the edge that are going

to– are you just going to light the shaft on fire?

LAURA: No, I’m going to tie some of my cloth from– you know– that I have– The thing.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: I take some cloth from the Bag of Holding, from one of those old fancy cloaks that we have.

TRAVIS: Better ask first.

LAURA: (sighs) Seriously?! Can I have some of the fancy cloak? Grog, out of the Bag of Holding, please?

TRAVIS: Oh, are you hot right now? It’s so weird.

LAURA: Jesus Christ. Please.

TRAVIS: Oh, all right. Fancy cloak.

MATT: There you go. The arrow arcs off. Vanishes across the little bit of the remaining treeline.

LAURA: No idea if they saw that.

MATT: All right. Do you guys continue to press forward?

MARISHA: Hold for a second. And wait for Team Three’s response?

SAM: There’s a third team?

MARISHA: Right, there’s a third team. Three teams, right?

LAURA: All the other teams already responded. We were the third.

MARISHA: Oh! One, two, we were three. Okay, yeah.

MATT: Okay. You begin to push further forward towards the center of the Cindergrove, as you’re

noticing more and more of these trees are pushed flat. It’s almost like that Russian forest the

meteor had landed in and exploded; all the trees are flattened–

CHRIS: Tunguska.

MATT: Think Tunguska, thank you. Where you begin to climb over a number of these flattened portions

of the forest, and in the center you can see that one river of molten rock that had been trickling

down the front of the mountain is sourced here in the center, where once previously you guys had

performed a ritual to pass into the elemental plane, has now torn into this extremely bright rift

that flickers. It’s like looking into the sun, you have to avert your gaze; you cannot look directly

at it without actually hurting your eyesight. And you can see, there are multiple paths of this

molten lava, pouring out from this new volcanic activity. You can see it burbling up and bubbling

underneath, like the very presence of this tear itself is causing the activity to just raise and

grow more fervent. At the base of the rift, you can see a number of other elemental creatures that

are in the process of surrounding this opening–

(door creak)

MATT: – and you can– Everything all right, Ryan?

RYAN: I am not here.

MATT: You’re not here, okay?

SAM: You don’t know.

MATT: I don’t know.

CHRIS: You guys see him too?

MATT: Perfect. As you can see, all these elemental entities are swirling around. There are two more

of these strange, snake-like humans, these salamander-like creatures that are discussing, and

one really large one that stands there holding this strange trident-like structure, and it’s

shouting out commands left and right, and you can see these salamander entities and a number of

these elementals are all gathered around the portal, and they’re all just focusing this slow,

steady beam towards it. And as you can see it tearing, flickering and slowly expanding with each

popping expansion of this doorway, the ground itself shifts and rumbles.

LAURA: I Hunter’s Mark the big one.

MATT: All right.

CHRIS: Can I send a candle?

MATT: If you’d like to, yeah.

CHRIS: All right, what am I looking at, here? Fire? There’s a bit of fire?

MATT: There’s a lot of fire. Most of these entities are either fire essence or just made out

of straight flame.

CHRIS: I’d like to call over the skeleton known as Fatty Arbuckle. I’d like to give Fatty Arbuckle an

Ice Storm Candle.

MATT: All right.

CHRIS: And ask him to kindly deliver it to the center of this melee that’s happening just up

ahead.

SAM: Won’t that kill your friend?

CHRIS: Oh. He’s had a good run.

TALIESIN: I’m feeling a lot less guilty, suddenly.

CHRIS: Well, I can do it! What I don’t appreciate is when other people do it.

SAM: That’s fair. That’s fair.

CHRIS: You know, it’s my choice. Never said it was okay for you to start lighting them up with

arrows. Jesus Christ, whoever that is.

LAURA: I’m Vex'ahlia, nice to meet you.

MATT: Fatty Arbuckle, skeletal claws clasped around the side of this marbled-looking,

bluish-white candle, and clutches it and just goes (snarl).

CHRIS: Yes, off you trot, go!

SAM: You don’t have to demean him as he goes.

TALIESIN: I was really hoping for a Fatty Arbuckle skeleton impression. I was really, really hoping

for it. What you did was cool, but like, that was just my heart.

CHRIS: They can’t speak. They don’t have voice boxes or anything.

MATT: As it shuffles forward, down this ashen pit towards the dome where the lava itself is

beginning to pour forth and the doorway is, you can see the shadow of its form as the light

passes. It looks like the cover of The Thing, how it’s just bright light coursing past this dark

image of the skeleton, walking away from you.

LAURA: Maybe we should duck down, so that nobody knows where that came from.

CHRIS: Oh, yes, get ten feet back, I should’ve said that already.

MATT: It’s walked quite a distance, thankfully, at this point. It’s probably a good 40 or 50 feet

before it reaches the first salamander. And you see, as it begins to step forward, they all turn

and look, and one of them shouts over (snarling). One of them glances over, reaches out and pulls

out a long, brass-colored longbow and begins to notch an arrow carefully, as it hobbles forward.

They look at each other. One of them shouts out in Ignan, which you understand, Keyleth, shouting,

“You! Who walks here?” Just keeps walking forward like a little wind-up toy made of bone. Until

eventually, the one with the bow gives a nudge with its head, and the other salamander entity

draws a heavy-bladed object and begins to step forward towards it, ready to go ahead and cleave

it. As the skeleton steps forward, it gets right at the corner of its range. Do you want to command it?

MARISHA: I feel like Helen Hunt in that moment in Twister.

CHRIS: Squeeze the candle, Fatty Arbuckle!

MATT: At which point, the skeleton, just as the blade sweeps past and crashes into its torso,

shattering the rib cage, the arms go (crack). The wax bends and cracks in the center, and there’s a

brief pause where nothing seems to happen. And a swirl of sudden, localized storming blizzard just

encases a ten-foot radius, hitting both of those salamander creatures. What does it say on the

candle specifically?

CHRIS: On the Ice Storm Candle. All affected must make a dexterity saving throw, DC 12, or suffer

4d6 cold damage.

MATT: That’s a fail and a save. And it’s half damage on success?

CHRIS: Half damage on success.

MATT: Great. Okay, so one of them failed and one of them saved. So go ahead and roll 4d6 damage.

TRAVIS: Dang. I think that’s a good way to start.

CHRIS: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh boy. Three, six, nine.

MATT: Nine? Okay, nine and five cold damage to each. So (bang) it blasts open. Oh, and a dexterity

check for your buddy, who makes it! So, Fatty Arbuckle actually walks out of there with a mere

five points of cold damage.

LAURA: Nice, Fatty!

MATT: Out of ice and frost. His busted-open rib cage, though, he did suffer…

LIAM: Super duper!

TRAVIS: Putting on the Ritz!

MATT: Did suffer seven damage from the impact of this weapon. So Fatty Arbuckle, pretty damaged,

but still standing there just going (snarling).

CHRIS: Keep standing, Fatty, you can do it! I love you, Fatty!

MATT: Is everyone just going to sit back at this, or–?

LAURA: No, we should probably attack.

MATT: It’s up to you. Or you can watch this horrible bludgeoning of this skeleton in the teeth

of death.

TRAVIS: When I see the salamander take out the big, shiny sharp thing, I go into a rage.

LAURA: I hide.

MATT: All right. Travis, I assume you’re going to be rushing in there, then?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Anyone who wishes to immediately go into battle now, let’s roll initiative.

TALIESIN: All right. I’m in on this.

MATT: All right. Let me go ahead and–

SAM: For Fatty!

MARISHA: So these are all fire elementals. Should I continue–

TALIESIN: Oh, hell yeah.

CHRIS: Ah, nice.

LAURA: Should we roll for stealth again, or are we still stealthed?

CHRIS: I was just shouting at a skeleton.

LAURA: Oh, I know, I was trying to hide, though. Like, back away from you as you were doing that.

TRAVIS: The candle turned into a blizzard, so. Ooh!

TALIESIN: Is it a candle, though? It’s like a thing, like there’s no–

LIAM: And I mean, Gern was shouting.

TALIESIN: It’s a candle the way the wheelie things are hoverboards. I think it’s weird.

CHRIS: And they also catch on fire. They also explode.

MATT: All right, so this is quite a ways away from the portal itself. Lava flow traveling around that side.

TALIESIN: Oh, look at that!

MATT: All right, and we have Keyleth over here as the fire elemental.

LAURA: You’re at the portal.

MARISHA: Huh?

LAURA: That’s okay. We’re all going to die.

TRAVIS: No.

TALIESIN: Where’s the big one?

MATT: The big one that you haven’t seen yet?

LAURA: The big one that I Hunter’s Marked.

TALIESIN: That one. The one holding the tridenty thing.

MATT: Oh, sorry.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

LAURA: Whoa. Look at how pretty those lava bubbles look!

SAM: Is that Gern?

MATT: That’s Gern right there.

We have Fatty Arbuckle.

TALIESIN: Fatty!

MATT: And chilling over here, we have Coral and Stimpy.

TRAVIS: What is that crater? Is that just a crater?

LIAM: I think that’s the portal they were trying to–

SAM: So these are fire elementals, yes?

MATT: They seem to be fire-based creatures, yes.

LIAM: Hey, DM!

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: You said they were ripping open the portal? Where is that on the map?

MATT: It’s back, it’s this far back.

LIAM: Way back, okay.

TRAVIS: That crater’s just a crater, though?

MATT: Yeah. There is a pool of magma that goes this way. You guys are on one side of it, and

pushing this way further, the rest of the actual portal’s back this far. All right. So, initiative

order, we have 25 to 20, anyone?

SAM: 22.

TALIESIN: 27.

TRAVIS: Fucking Percy. Jesus. Every time. You motherfucker.

TALIESIN: I’m fast as fuck.

MATT: Okay. 20 to 15.

TRAVIS: 17.

CHRIS: 19.

LIAM: 16. Carl!

MATT: All right.

LAURA: 13.

MATT: 13. Keyleth?

MARISHA: Four.

MATT: All right, great. So, top of the round, Percy, you’re up first.

TALIESIN: First thing I’m going to do is I’m going to use my pistol. I’m going to do a trick shot for

the arms. Actually, the first thing I’m going to do is I’m going to use my bonus action to– you

know, actually, I’m going to hold off on that. I’m going to make an arm shot to the

one with the trident.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: That was my first shot. And that’s 25.

MATT: 25 hits.

TALIESIN: And that’s a strength saving throw.

MATT: Strength saving throw. That is going to be a 20.

TALIESIN: That just barely makes it.

MATT: Aw. The blast of your impact (bang) hits the arm. He manages to hold onto his

trident-like weapon.

TALIESIN: That’s fine. He’s going to take his damage, and then he’s going to take another one of

those, because eff that.

MATT: All righty. So go ahead and roll damage on that.

TRAVIS: Because eff that.

TALIESIN: That’s 13 points of damage.

MATT: 13 points of damage. All righty.

TALIESIN: All right. I’m going to take another shot.

MATT: Go for it. Scanlan, you’re up on deck, by the way, so be ready.

TALIESIN: 20.

MATT: 20 hits.

TALIESIN: Strength check.

MATT: That’s a nine.

TALIESIN: He dropped that.

MATT: Failure. (gunshot) You see his fingers are pried off as one of his pinky fingers is actually

blown off from the impact, shooting dark, deep crimson blood that seems to burn the landscape

around as it drips, the trident tumbling to the ground and getting lodged in a piece of rock,

almost ready to spill into part of the lava.

TALIESIN: And that does seven points of damage.

MATT: Seven points of damage, all righty.

TALIESIN: Third shot’s going to be a sharpshooter shot.

MATT: All righty. So minus five to the attack.

TALIESIN: That’s probably going to miss. 14.

MATT: 14, unfortunately, misses.

TALIESIN: All right. That misses. I’m going to take a run behind and hide behind that rock

outcropping.

MATT: There? Okay. Got it. Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Do I see that big thing in the back?

MATT: This big thing here? Yeah, the fire elemental. You see that.

SAM: Okay. And the thing next to Fatty Arbuckle is also a baddie, yeah? They’re all baddies?

MATT: These things are all baddies here.

SAM: All right. I’m going to take 15 feet, step to my right to put me in a straight line with the guy

next to Fatty and the big guy behind him. And then fire a Lightning Bolt straight ahead to hit both

of them. I hope they’re not immune to lightning. We’ll find out.

MATT: All righty. So, and you watch out of the corner as well, Gern, you see this tiny little

gnome step to the side, conjure some arcane purplish-blue energy, and then thrust his pelvis

forward as a bolt of lightning energy just rockets forth, tearing–

SAM: From my penis.

CHRIS: Nice. Of course.

SAM: Just felt like I had to make that clear.

CHRIS: Oh, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that happen before.

TALIESIN: We have.

LAURA: So many times.

CHRIS: Have to get that looked at.

MATT: Slamming both into the larger salamander creature and the elemental behind it. Go ahead and

roll 8d6 damage. What’s the DC on this?

SAM: Is it my spell save DC?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: With the hand-cone?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: 20.

MATT: Ooh! That is a failure and a failure!

TRAVIS: Yes!

MATT: All right. So full damage against both.

SAM: 27.

MATT: Oof. All righty. As the bolt of lightning energy tears through both of them, eventually

absorbed into the stone behind them, the elemental flame form flickers and falls to the ground for a

second, trying to reform itself, while the salamander looks down at this blackened, burned

char mark in the center of its torso from where the bolt entered and exited out of its back to

strike its compadre. Not too happy, and confused how such a large, damaging thing came from such a

small little creature.

SAM: It’s powerful. Then I’ll turn to our new friend Gern, and I will inspire him. I’ll say,

please, help us, and to inspire you I will sing you a song. And I will sing–

CHRIS: Pretty inspired by your dick lightning, to be honest.

SAM: Oh, there’s more.

CHRIS: You think a song’s going to get better than that?

SAM: It might! It might. And so I sing (singing): To everything, Gern, Gern, Gern. There is a

season, Gern, Gern, Gern. I just like to sing your name, Gern Blanston. Did that help?

CHRIS: Do I have to roll to determine if that was helpful or not?

MATT: If you’d like to.

CHRIS: Certainly.

MATT: Roll a d20 for musical taste.

CHRIS: Four.

MATT: Four. It catches you by the ear with delight.

CHRIS: It’s not bad, actually. It’s not bad.

MATT: Your general frustration with modern music is completely bisected by the more oldies,

classical sound of his tune.

CHRIS: I quite enjoyed how you worked my first name into that, actually.

No one’s ever done that before.

MATT: So you get a d10 inspiration dice.

CHRIS: All right.

MATT: So just keep that on the side. If ever you make an attack roll or a saving throw that isn’t

as high as you want it to be, you can then roll that and add the d10 to that roll.

CHRIS: Okay, great.

MATT: So you just have that in the wings, as you feel inspired.

TALIESIN: We’ll try and remind you if something affects it.

CHRIS: Thank you very much. Excellent.

MATT: All right. That brings it to the elementals’ turn. Now, this flame elemental is going to streak

over (whoosh) to Blern who’s– or, no, sorry, this is to Fatty Arbuckle. There’s too many weird names

tonight. And this larger fire elemental here is going to–

CHRIS: Oh, Fatty. He served me well.

SAM: I don’t know, he’s got a fighting chance. I love that we were scrambling for d6’s when we have

this right in front of us.

CHRIS: Are there any dice around anywhere?

SAM: Where are we going to find…?

TALIESIN: I’m just waiting for the hand to go in and just–

CHRIS: I found this polyhedral vase and I had to fill it with nine pounds of dice.

TRAVIS: He went the long way.

MATT: He’s not doing anything, he used his whole round to get there.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay.

MATT: But now, as the larger elemental burns into the center of Scanlan, Percy, you can feel, just

his presence itself is extremely, dangerously hot. The air around you is blistering. You can feel

your hair curl back in its presence. The small elemental is going to go ahead and make two

attacks against Fatty Arbuckle.

CHRIS: Ah, shite.

MATT: That’s going to be a nine to hit. I think his AC’s 13, so I don’t think it’s going to hit,

yeah. Second one rolls a one.

SAM: Fatty lives!

TRAVIS: Fatty just don’t want to die.

TALIESIN: Can’t keep Fatty down.

LIAM: Bob and weave, Fatty, bob and weave!

CHRIS: Don’t step too hard, Fatty! You won’t be able to take it!

MATT: And with that, Grog, it’s your turn. So you go into your rage at the top of your turn, and

then what would you like to do?

TRAVIS: Can I use, I guess, my entire action to run towards Scanlan?

MATT: What’s your speed again?

TRAVIS: 50.

MATT: Five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40. You can get right there between Scanlan and this creature

if you want to.

TRAVIS: That’s about it, huh?

MATT: I’d say that’s your movement. You can move ten more feet if you want to.

SAM: You can leap over me.

TRAVIS: Nah, we need to spread out. Can I go back and arc the other way? Can I run to the left as

far as I can?

MATT: This way?

TRAVIS: No, from where my starting point was.

MATT: Oh, you mean like this way instead?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Yeah, back towards you, around the pool.

MATT: That’s about as far as you can get, right there. If you do not attack anything, you would

lose your rage.

TRAVIS: I fall out of my rage, yeah. So I fall out of it. Can I throw something? I guess I can, yeah.

MATT: You can throw your weapon if you want to.

TRAVIS: Can I attach the Chain of Returning to Craven Edge? And I’ll throw it at trident-less

bastard right there, yeah.

MATT: Go for it. So you watch as this muscle-bound goliath comes leaping around the corner as it

affixes a chain to the edge of its weapon, flinging a two-handed sword like a giant boomerang and–

TRAVIS: Only 14.

MATT: 14, against the larger one?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Unfortunately, it makes an impact, but it just ricochets off of its plated body armor, and

then tumbles to the ground. You can go ahead and make your–

TRAVIS: Thing to pull it back. Strength. 18.

MATT: Okay, no problem. You pull it back with the chain and catch it mid-air. Ending your turn there?

TRAVIS: Keeping my rage.

MATT: Indeed. Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: All right, so I rev up the Boots of Haste and I’m going to run right next to Vex'ahlia, on

the very edge of the map. And the fire elemental there’s right up against Percy, right?

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: All right. I’m going to stab him three times in his fire buttocks. First one is a 27.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: Second one is a 16.

MATT: Hits.

LIAM: Third is a 14.

MATT: Hits.

LIAM: Hits, okay. So, first one’s sneak attack, so, shite. An eight– I’ll add that on at the end.

Here come the dice. Two, four, seven, ten, 16, 21, 27, 28. 28 plus two is 30, 36, for that first with

sneak attack damage.

MATT: Oof! His form flickers briefly for a moment from the sheer impact of the dagger hit.

LIAM: Second dagger does seven, and third swipe does nine.

MATT: Nine. All righty. The two other daggers impact, partially passing through its form, not

quite as impactful as the first. That first one did seemingly cause the creature to have a hard

time coalescing its fire-wreathed physicality. That ends your turn, Vax?

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: Gern, you’re up. So you’re right there.

CHRIS: I’m right there. How far can I run and cast a spell at the ones around Fatty?

MATT: 30 feet is how far you can run, and that’s about six squares.

CHRIS: If I were to cast a bit of– how about a Cone of Cold, could I cast a Cone of Cold at the

fire elementals?

MATT: You could, you could very much so.

LIAM: That sounds delightful.

CHRIS: I could cast Ice Storm, but that’s a general malaise of middle-aged couples living in a

neighborhood, becoming aware of their dead-end lives.

MATT: All right, so you want to move around here?

CHRIS: Yes, let’s move around that bit right there. And I’d like to cast Cone of Cold. I might

unfortunately have to take out Fatty, but–

MATT: Yeah, there’s probably a good chance, this is not going to be– After everything else Fatty’s

survived, his own master deals him the possible finishing blow.

CHRIS: I feel like I should be the one to do it.

SAM: Of course.

CHRIS: It’s much more humane.

SAM: It’s poetic.

CHRIS: I think so.

MARISHA: You brought him into this world.

CHRIS: This is what Fatty would’ve wanted.

MATT: Everything under that area gets affected. So yeah, you could do that.

CHRIS: Yeah, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. No big thing. This old spell? I mean.

LIAM: Y'all want to go to the DQ and get a cone of cold?

MATT: What’s your spell DC? It should be at the top of your spell page.

CHRIS: It is 16.

MATT: 16, all right. And it is a constitution save, let’s see if they make it. That is a

failure, a failure, and a failure.

SAM: What about Fatty, did he succeed?

MATT: Oh, I’ll roll for Fatty. Fatty does not succeed. Nope.

LAURA: It was inevitable.

MATT: Nope. All right, go ahead and roll 8d8 points of cold damage.

SAM: Jeez. Oh man, these are not used a lot.

CHRIS: I have four. Let’s see, I have a whole– there’s another one here… They’re not that easy

to get to. Two, four, six. I need two more.

SAM: Two more? Good gravy.

CHRIS: Is this one?

SAM: Yep.

CHRIS: Here’s one, and… D'oh!

LAURA: This is why I sort my dice at the beginning of the game…

CHRIS: Sorry, it sounded like there was something coming from the other side of the room.

SAM: Taliesin, you don’t have a d8?

CHRIS: Do you have a d8 I can borrow?

TALIESIN: I actually don’t. I don’t know what happened to my d8’s. I’ll buy some at the

convention tomorrow.

LAURA: Yay!

MATT: By the way, guys, if we hit 16k before the end of tonight’s show, we’re going to go ahead and

have a sloth come into the studio.

LAURA: What?!

MATT and MARISHA: 16K and a sloth!

MARISHA: I know! I know!

LAURA: When? When?

TRAVIS: What?

SAM: An actual sloth?

LIAM: Is it going to play with us?

LAURA: Can we hold it?

TRAVIS: Focus, focus.

CHRIS: Seven, 14, 21, 27, 31, 34, 38, 44!

ALL: Oh!

MATT: 44, all…

LAURA: (mocking Gern’s accent) Farty-far pints o’ cald damage!

CHRIS: I don’t think I appreciate that very fucking much! I’m saving all your fucking arses

out here! For crumb’s sake!

MATT: As he’s shouting out at you, releasing this amazing, condensed blast of pure winter hell in

front of him, it comes scattering across this way, freezing the corner of this, turning partially

some of the lava here to stone just by proximity, blasts past these entities, and as the arcane snow

comes to rest, you can see the fire elemental here itself is having a hard time keeping itself

together. Its flame is (whoosh) sputtering and flickering, barely keeping itself together.

However, by its side you see three very still frozen-solid statuettes of the remnants of the two

salamanders and Fatty Arbuckle. Taken by the cold of winter.

MARISHA: Oh, shit. That was awesome.

SAM: Maybe you can reanimate him.

CHRIS: It’s too late. He’s no good any longer.

SAM: Freezer burn?

CHRIS: Move on. I have.

MATT: We’ll say for the purposes of remembering that, too, put a couple of:

frozen, frozen, and frozen.

CHRIS: (singing) Let it go, let it go.

MATT: All right. I believe that ends your turn, Gern? All right. It would be the salamanders’

turn, but they’re frozen. Damn, they got pummeled. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Awesome. Wait, so they can unfreeze? Or are they basically frozen until something–

MATT: You don’t know.

LAURA: (groans) Okay. That yellow one behind me, that’s Keyleth, right?

MATT: You believe so.

LAURA: Okay. I know, right? I’m going to flip backwards like ten feet.

MATT: All right, right behind it.

LAURA: I don’t want to be around anybody else, so I’m going to flip over the lava pit and go out there.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and make an acrobatics check.

LIAM: Oh, don’t burn your foot. Ooh!

LAURA: That would be 38.

MATT: Without issue, you land– not even, no. Two-point landing, on your feet, knee down, still

clutching your ready-to-go bow, unscathed by the boiling cauldron of molten rock.

LAURA: And I Hunter’s Mark the guy attacking near Percy and Scanlan and I shoot two arrows into him.

MATT: Okay, right there. Go for it. Two attacks.

LAURA: Ugh. Where is my thing? Hold on, sorry. (giggles)

MATT: You’re on deck, Keyleth.

LAURA: 21?

MATT: 21 hits.

LAURA: And 17.

MATT: Both hit.

TRAVIS: That’s nice.

LAURA: 17 on the first hit.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: And then 18 on the second hit.

MATT: Nice! Both arrows burn to ash when they impact, but the sheer blow and the magical energy

behind it from the bow that you threw it from hit it and you can see it begin to shake its form even

more, itself. Did you do the Hunter’s Mark damage as well?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, good. Cool. That end your turn, Vex?

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: Okay. Work with me here.

MATT: Okay. All right, whatcha got, whatcha got?

MARISHA: So here’s what I want to do. I want to go low and dive into that lava pit in front of me.

SAM: Ooh! Sounds scary.

MARISHA: And I want to– using the lava around me to rise out of the lava and look really scary and

badass, and then I’m going to shout to the living elementals, I’m going to be like, hear my warning!

I am your new master! Retreat to the Fire Plane or meet your imminent demise! This is your last chance.

SAM: Pretty good. Pretty good.

TALIESIN: Way better than last time.

MARISHA: Thanks! Thanks, guys. And if you’d like to meet for coffee later I might be available.

MATT: I’ll say, given the use of lava control in this, they are still elementals, go ahead and

make a persuasion check. No, intimidate, this would be intimidate.

MARISHA: Okay. Okay. That’s better than my persuasion. Let’s do this one, that one rolled a

one. Get out of here. Get out of here. 15?

MATT: 15? You can see the smaller elemental here that just watched its friends get frozen solid, as

well as whatever that skeleton was, turns towards you, and (snarls) and begins to make

its way this direction.

MARISHA: Away? That’s cool.

TRAVIS: Towards the portal.

MATT: Yeah. The large one doesn’t seem prominently fazed by your display.

MARISHA: Okay. But that one’s peacing out? Do I still have an action?

MATT: I would say that whole thing of bringing up the molten rock and the shout and everything would

be your action.

TALIESIN: You knocked one off the plank, Keyleth.

MARISHA: I knocked one off the plank.

MATT: There you go. All right, ends your turn, Keyleth, brings us to Percy.

TALIESIN: I’m toe to toe with that one right there, aren’t I?

MATT: Yeah, it’s right up in your space.

TALIESIN: It’s in my space. Okay. I’m going to draw my sword, I’m going to try to do a back and

forth. Let’s see how this goes.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take a swipe at it with my sword.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: That’s a 30. That hits.

MATT: That hits. You take nine points of fire damage, as just striking it, the flames burst back

and burn towards your face and torso from the impact.

MARISHA: Did I put fire resist on you? At the end of last game?

TALIESIN: Yes, you did! I have fire resist on me.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: So you take half damage.

TALIESIN: So that’s how much? How much fire damage?

MATT: That would be four. Four damage.

TALIESIN: Four damage? Four damage. Four.

MATT: All right. And roll damage for your strike.

TALIESIN: Ooh! 15 points of damage.

MATT: Hmm! All right. Do you want to make a second attack, you said? Or are you just going to keep

going back and forth, what’s your plan? Whatcha doing? Whatcha doing, Percy?

TALIESIN: He’s being a dick. I’m going to try and break away and back up, I’m going to try and roll

away from him to be on the other side of the rock.

MATT: Okay. As you roll away, it’s going to take an attack of opportunity at you. That is an 18 to hit?

TALIESIN: My armor class is 18, but I’m going to use my shield for plus five to my AC, so that won’t hit.

MATT: Okay, so you use your shield brooch, okay. As it strikes out towards you, streaking its

elemental claws outward, you back away, instilling the power of the brooch, and you see an arcane

shield temporarily ricochets, pushing its claw away from you. You run away unharmed to the other

side of the rock.

TALIESIN: Instead of going to the other side of the rock, I’m going to run straight back, and I’m

just going to shoot at it as I run away. I’m going to make two more shots at it.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Oh, I’m going to take one more shot, because I have to reload. That’s a 15.

MATT: 15 hits.

TALIESIN: Wow! Holy cow.

MATT: Elementals aren’t very hard to hit.

TALIESIN: No, that was amazing. That’s ten points of damage. And then I reload.

MATT: All right, and you reload. All right, that ends Percy’s turn. Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Who’s behind me back there, way at the edge of the map?

MATT: Over there?

LAURA: That’s Vax.

SAM: That’s Vax? Oh, he’ll be fine. Okay, I don’t want to be near this thing, probably. Right?

MATT: That’s your call.

SAM: Okay, I’m going to take a step towards Vax.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And away from Gern, right? So is Gern 15 feet away from me yet, so far?

MATT: He’s 15 feet from you, yeah.

SAM: Okay. So I will then cast Thunderwave, which should not hit Gern, but will hit Vax.

MATT: Is that a 15-foot radius?

SAM: It’s a 15-foot cube.

MATT: Cube, so you can just make the cube here, and it’ll hit none of them.

SAM: Oh! Oh, great. I’ll do that. And I’ll do it at level two. Thunderwave.

MATT: All right, level two Thunderwave. Coming on up. Oh, it’s a self. A 15-foot cube originating

from you, so yeah, so you can hit that guy.

SAM: Yeah, originating from me.

MATT: All right, cool. So, level three, that’s 3d8, let’s see if it makes its constitution saving

throw. It does not, not with a natural seven. So go ahead and roll your damage,

3d8 thunder damage.

SAM: Not very much – Ooh! That’s pretty good. 20.

MARISHA: Nice!

MATT: 20! How do you want to do this?

(cheering)

TRAVIS: Scanlan Shorthalt!

SAM: I send the Thunderwave out by cracking my knuckles, and as I do so, I do: ahem, Gern,

might want to check this out.

CHRIS: Oh, I’m looking at something over here.

SAM: Gern!

CHRIS: I’ll be with you in just a minute, I’m dealing with something.

SAM: Gern, I’m doing something really cool here.

CHRIS: I’ll be with you in just a minute.

SAM: Fuck. So I do it anyway but with a scowl on my face.

CHRIS: All right, what did I miss?

SAM: Fuck!

CHRIS: Oh, I was just, why didn’t you wait? I just said a minute.

SAM: Oh, forget it, you had to be there.

CHRIS: All right. I was here, but you didn’t– you should’ve told me.

MATT: You even missed your own Thunderwave spell, you were so distracted with your frustration. You

look back, you cracked your knuckles, and it’s gone, but you didn’t see it happen and it’s a

little disappointing overall.

SAM: I kick the dirt.

MATT: All right. You guys look over as this elemental runs off towards the glowing doorway you

see further down this passage. It’s not that far away from you, but you do see the flickering

doorway that’s like (sputtering). You can see other entities beginning to step out of it, and you

can see one larger form. It looks fiery, humanoid, just (crackling) comes out, lower body made of ash

and cinders.

MARISHA: I rush that way and look for my other tribe. Can I see any of my other tribemates?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LIAM: You’re running at them.

TRAVIS: So if they’re frozen, does that mean they’re dead?

MATT: You can go find out.

LAURA: They’ll probably melt eventually.

TRAVIS: Yeah, can I walk over there close to them?

MARISHA: That’s better. That one keeps fucking me. What’d you say? Perception?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: 26.

MATT: 26. Currently, from where you stand–

MARISHA: No, sorry, sorry. 24.

MATT: 24. From where you stand, you can look off in the distance, you can see parts of the treeline

across, down the Cindergrove, shifting and moving, and you hear the distant sounds of combat, but you

do not have a visual perspective. It looks like the other teams have not quite made their way to

the center. You’re actually the first team to get here. And you made your way around a possible

encounter, and in doing so, arrived before the other teams did. However, it looks like a

secondary line of defense is now pouring out of this doorway.

LAURA: Oh shit.

TRAVIS: Can I make my way to the two frozen statue-types?

MATT: There’s three statues, actually.

TRAVIS: Or three of 'em, yeah.

MATT: Including Fatty Arbuckle.

TRAVIS: Fatty Arbuckle. Can I make my way over to one of them and– should I just

make sure they’re dead?

LAURA: Yeah, just push 'em over, smash them.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, can I push Trident-dick over?

MATT: Yeah. As you shove– and it’s a pretty heavy form, especially with the ice that’s, you know,

formed around the body–

TRAVIS: Come on.

MATT: –but not too hard for you, Grog, because you’re Grog. You give a little shove, and as it

topples over, it just shatters into 100 pieces.

TRAVIS: Ooh, like the T-1000.

LIAM: What?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I dunno.

LAURA: Do the other one now.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, can I go over and do the other one, like, (giggles).

MATT: Yeah. This time, you give this one a full push, this one actually gets

about ten feet in the air.

MARISHA: Cow-tipper!

MATT: Before scattering across the ground, pieces of it actually spilling into the molten lava. And

there stands, frozen in place, Fatty Arbuckle, chest destroyed, arm limp to the side, just–

TRAVIS: Can I pick him up and walk him back over to Gern and go: sorry.

MATT: You see the half-giant goliath handing you the frozen body

of your skeletal friend.

CHRIS: Well, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this, now.

TRAVIS: You don’t want him?

CHRIS: I mean, he’s not very– maybe we could have a quick burial.

LAURA: You could hang a coat on him.

CHRIS: So we basically would just carry him around as a coat-rack.

LIAM: Don’t we have company incoming?

LAURA: We have a Bag of Holding. Oh, there’s a giant monster. I Hunter’s Mark it.

Is it close by?

MATT: We’ll get to that as soon as we come back from this break. We’re going to take a quick

bathroom break and we’ll see you guys back here in about ten minutes or so to continue this next step

in the adventure.

Break
[break]

Part II
MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Critical Role. Last we left off, the party was

making their way towards the center of the caldera where the portal torn open to the fire elemental

plane resides over a flow of molten rock pouring in three directions from the center of the

mountain. Seeing a number of entities swirling around, and some pouring forth from this open

doorway, Vox Machina and their current temporary ally by the traveling dragonborn

wizard/necromancer/candlemaker named Gern Blanston have made their way in this direction. Now, before

we start, just to remind you guys, I guess we’re getting pretty close to 16k subscribers, and when

we hit 16k something with a sloth is going to happen.

LAURA: Not tonight, though.

MATT: No, not, I don’t think tonight.

SAM: We have a sloth on standby.

MATT: There will be a sloth apparently that will come here for 16k and a sloth. And if you want to

watch Laura freak out–

LAURA: Ah, so much!

MATT: Also, we have a giveaway winner for the evening; ToastKingJr is the winner of

tonight’s Critical Role giveaway, congratulations. Well done, you, we’ll be sending you a lot of fun

goodies your way very shortly, so–

CHRIS: Our regards to ToastKing senior.

MATT: Oh yes; well, you’ve made him proud. Make sure to let him know. We’ll give him a little a

little pipe or something inside too, it’ll be good. All right, so you guys gather yourselves,

stepping through the battlefield you had just encountered, the shattered and slowly melting

pieces of ice that once were some of these fire elemental denizens scattered around your feet, you

step forward as you see the somewhat human, somewhat flame-based entity come pouring out of

the void, surrounded by other elementals, and one of the other standing salamander general-type

individuals. You can see–

MARISHA: This is coming out of the rift?

MATT: Yes, coming out of the rift.

LAURA: Is that behind him, is that what the–

MATT: This is the actual doorway right there.

MARISHA: Oh, and so this is a pool of lava that they’re coming out of?

MATT: Yes, this is all molten–

MARISHA: Molten fire plane, more or less?

MATT: Well, this is actual lava from the inside of the mountain that has been called forth and

cracked through the surface, because of the presence of the tear.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

CHRIS: Probably fine.

TRAVIS: Probably. I don’t think this will be bad

TALIESIN: We did not take a short rest, did we?

MATT: No, you did not.

TALIESIN: There has been no time.

MARISHA: I’m going to, and upon seeing this, drop my fire elemental form and I say: oh shit, I have

a feeling this is the 'him’ they were talking about. And I have a feeling he’s not going to

believe that I’m the real new master. So there’s that.

LAURA: So do some cold stuff, like this guy.

MATT: I’d like you all to make a stealth check, by the way, as this is transpiring, and these

entities are now making–

LAURA: Pass Without a Trace? Is that still in effect?

MATT: No, you cast Hunter’s Mark, so the concentration on that ended,

unfortunately, sorry.

CHRIS: 14.

SAM: 15.

TALIESIN: 13.

SAM: Oh wait, with Pass Without a Trace?

MARISHA and LAURA: No.

MARISHA: 24.

LIAM: 34.

LAURA: 22.

TRAVIS: 20.

MATT: As you guys are all having this conversation, hushed behind this barricade of

broken tree elements, you can see this salamander general turn and hiss in that direction, look

over, and point his trident in the direction of where you all are. You can see the larger fire

elementals all of a sudden turn their attention in the direction of the party, as the humanoid

floating about five feet off the ground, his lower form just this swirl of cinders and black ash,

chuckles with his arms crossed. Points forward, and the elementals begin moving forward.

MARISHA: Can Keyleth do a quick ancillary action before shit happens?

MATT: Well, this would be the initiative order now, so everyone roll initiative.

LIAM: Maybe they see something behind us.

TRAVIS: Fuck!

MARISHA: Jesus, sucking it up today.

MATT: All right, folks, this brings us to 25 to 20?

LIAM: 20.

SAM: Hey!

TRAVIS: Jude.

CHRIS: Don’t make it bad.

TALIESIN: (singing) Take a bad roll…

MATT: 20 to 15?

LAURA: 19.

CHRIS: Yes, I’m 16.

MATT: 16 for Gern.

LIAM: ErmahGern!

MATT: 15 to ten?

TALIESIN: 13.

MATT: 13 for Percy. Ten to five?

TRAVIS: Eight.

MATT: Eight for Grog. Scanlan, what’s your–

SAM: Oh, ten, sorry, ten, ten.

MATT: So that would be just below you, Percy. All righty. I believe that’s all on that end there.

And that brings us to–

MARISHA: I’m seven, by the way.

MATT: Oh, seven, thought I got you.

LAURA: Nobody cares, Marisha.

MARISHA: I know, I’ll just… be back here… caboose.

MATT: There we go. So right before Grog is Keyleth. Great. All right.

Top of the combat round.

MARISHA: Yeah, nope. Not leading.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Shitty initiative roll.

SAM: It’s going to be fine.

TALIESIN: He’s cut things out of cardboard. This doesn’t look fun.

MARISHA: There was planning. There was a thought process.

TRAVIS: Oh shit, towers.

TALIESIN: There was an instructables involved in this. This is just really– we’re doomed.

TRAVIS: No, no, he was down in the play zone before!

MATT: Tell me who wants to roll an arcana check as you see this entity rising up–

TRAVIS: Oh, absolutely.

SAM: I will, as well.

MATT: For people who are proficient with it.

TRAVIS: Two.

SAM: Oh, with disadvantage, right?

MATT: Yes, you do.

LIAM: So tired.

CHRIS: 24.

TRAVIS: Whoa! Get out of here, dragonborn!

SAM: Look at the big brain on Gern.

CHRIS: I’m very smart.

MATT: (laughs) And as you say that, you recognize this entity and blurt out its name, just

instinctually as you get a proper view of it. One of the many denizens of the fire elemental plane,

this is an efreeti, it is a fire genie.

SAM: A nefreeti?

MATT: Efreeti. Yes, the species is efreeti, but an ee-frit, ee-freet, however you want to pronounce

it, a flame genie, generally hailing from the City of Brass and/or spaces around and in the fire

elemental plane.

TALIESIN: I could feel it from that side.

LIAM: I was thinking it.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I know, I could feel it.

MATT: Floats above all of you, arms still crossed, opens its arms and as it chuckles, both hands just

are engulfed in flames that congeal into these large fiery balls as it flings them both down in

the direction of the party.

TRAVIS: Feel like we’re in MegaMan. A MegaMan boss.

MARISHA: (laughs) Yeah!

MATT: This is going to be at Scanlan and Vex.

LAURA: What?!

SAM: These are Fireballs, right?

MATT: To Scanlan, that is 13?

SAM: No way.

MATT: Vex, that is 15.

LAURA: No!

MATT: Both just (fireball impacts), cracking into the ground to the sides of where you’re standing,

barely missing them. It keeps glaring down at the rest of you with a smile. Ending that, it brings

us to Vax. You’re up.

LIAM: I got a high stealth right beforehand, so am I hidden at the moment?

MATT: As far as you know, depending on the individual. You don’t know who saw you

and who didn’t.

LIAM: As far as I know. All right. Balls. I’m just going to throw three daggers at the salamander,

right from where I am.

MATT: Right from where you are? All right.

LIAM: Yeah, okay, so. First is a 20, second is a 14, third is a 19.

MATT: Okay. The first one was what?

LIAM: 20.

MATT: The first and the third hit. If you are hidden, though, which you would technically be

hidden from this individual, you do have advantage on those attacks, so you can reroll the–

LIAM: And if I’m hidden it’s a surprise, right? On that guy? You tell me.

MATT: No, no, it’s a sneak attack if you’re hidden. A surprise round is if they have no idea

that you’re there.

LIAM: Okay, I thought it was a– okay, great! Fine. Love it. Okay, so.

LAURA: You have advantage, so maybe one of those would be a 20 if you rerolled them with their

advantages.

LIAM: All right. No, and other one, no. So, four, eight, 12, 13, 16, 20, 31, 35 for the first. And

the second one is a ten.

TRAVIS: Kick us off strong!

MATT: Not bad! Flinging both daggers, one strikes it square in the sternum and the blade cracks and

pops as it hits the center of the chest. It (gurgle), you know, it can’t make any sound as it

disappears from the wound, returning to your belt. The second dagger manages to come towards, it

tries to parry out of the air, but in doing so just gets it embedded in its forearm and it

shrieks out in pain, as that too vanishes and appears once again in your belt. Are you going to move,

or stay where you are?

LIAM: I’m going to move. I’m going to skip to my right and stand behind Grog and spank him on the

ass and say: go get 'em, tiger.

MATT: “Go get 'em, tiger.” Right there. All righty.

TRAVIS: My name’s Grog.

MATT: Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Are those trees, do they have any substance at all, or are they just there to look pretty?

MATT: I mean, you could get behind them if you want to, they’re maybe about that wide.

LIAM: They’re like Charlie Brown Christmas trees?

MATT: Practically. As far as the Cindergrove’s concerned, they’re pretty sad-looking. A lot of them have

been destroyed and torn and pushed down around.

LAURA: All right. I’m going to try to use one as protection. I’m going to hop behind

the one over this way.

MATT: This way, here?

LAURA: And I’m going to Hunter’s Mark the efreeti.

MATT: All righty. Mark the efreeti.

LAURA: And then I’m going to use my Longbow of the Sky Sentinel. And I’m going to

shoot him three times!

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: That first one probably does not succeed. It is a 16.

MATT: That does not hit, nope.

LAURA: What about 23?

MATT: That does hit.

LAURA: All right. How about… mega miss. So one of those hits, because I’m a loser.

MATT: Streaking past, and the third one hits as he’s holding the flame balls in his hands. Seeing

the small impact, he just glares at you though the impact.

TRAVIS: You need to sacrifice a small mammal. Maybe we can find a squirrel or something.

LAURA: 11.

TRAVIS: A pagan ritual.

TALIESIN: I can hook you up. I have a kit.

TRAVIS: (laughter) Why am I not surprised?

LAURA: 17 points of damage and that’s it because I suck.

MATT: 17 points of damage. And you are hiding behind the tree?

LAURA: I am hiding behind the tree.

MATT: That’s the end of Vex’s turn. It is now the elementals’ turns.

LAURA: These piece-of-shit dice.

MATT: This is going to move in and actually consumes the space of Gern and his followers.

TALIESIN: That’s not even a figurine, it’s just a chunk of plastic.

MATT: So as you’re sitting there, you just see this fire elemental just streak around real fast

and all of a sudden step into the space where you and your two undead followers are, flames whirling

around you. All of you immediately take five points of fire damage, you and your two allies.

Stimpy and Coral, poor guys.

CHRIS: Weren’t there– oh, they killed one, that’s right, and you guys fucking killed one, too.

MATT: With that, it’s going to make two strikes towards you, Gern. The fire elemental rushes in

and just (slithering fire noises).

CHRIS: Not the vest, not the vest!

MATT: That is going to be a 13 to hit. What’s your armor class?

CHRIS: 13.

MATT: Just hits you. And that’s a natural 20.

(sighs and groans)

MATT: So you take 14 points of fire damage from the first one.

CHRIS: Doesn’t feel very natural.

LIAM: Thanks for coming, thanks for playing.

MATT: 19 points of fire damage from the second strike. And you are currently engulfed in flame.

You caught fire from the impact with the fire elemental.

CHRIS: It doesn’t hurt, I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m part dragon.

LAURA: Do dragonborn have natural fire resistance?

MATT: Certain ones do, not blue ones.

LAURA: Oh no!

CHRIS: If it was lightning, it’d be fine. But no.

MATT: That ends that elemental’s turn. This one is going to step into the space where both Percy and

Scanlan are. Both of you guys immediately suffer seven points of fire damage.

TALIESIN: I’m halved because I have resistance.

MATT: Correct, so you’d take three points. And it’s going to make a strike on each of you. That’s

going to be a 14 versus you, Scanlan.

SAM: That does not hit me.

MATT: And then versus Percy. Same roll. 14.

TALIESIN: (laughter) Ah, you’re adorable.

MATT: Misses you both with a series of terrible attacks. That ends their turn. Gern, you’re up. At

the start of your turn–

CHRIS: It’s my turn.

TALIESIN: But first you have to take your fire damage.

CHRIS: Oh, I’m still on fire.

MATT: Yep. At the top of your turn, because you’re now on fire, you take six points of fire damage.

You’re just wreathed in fire, all around. It’s a bad, bad Sunday for Gern.

CHRIS: Oh boy. I’m trying to find something that won’t destroy– How close is everyone to me?

Everyone’s pretty close.

SAM: No one’s near the big guy.

CHRIS: No, but I’m standing right there.

TALIESIN: Here, you can see it right here. You’re that little red ring right there, and then your

two followers are right there. If you have anything that goes in a cube, you’d be fine. Do

you have anything that’s a cube shot?

CHRIS: And which way am I facing?

TALIESIN: Whichever way you want to be facing.

CHRIS: I mean, I guess– I’d like to run around and throw another Cone of Cold aimed at that guy,

and then up at the prick hovering above everyone.

MATT: This direction, you mean?

CHRIS: Yes. Aye!

MATT: So you can move around to this side of the elemental, pushing past your allies, whip around,

you get a little bit of a view through the fire and flames swirling around you. You concentrate and

release a burst of cold energy. It might not be close enough.

CHRIS: Of course it is!

MATT: It’ll be enough to get those two there.

CHRIS: All right, well, I suppose that’s better than nothing at all.

SAM: That’s impressive.

MATT: It’s better than nothing. All right, so constitution saves on the elemental.

What’s your DC?

CHRIS: 16.

MATT: 16. It fails. On the salamander, that’s another big fail with a 13. So go ahead

and roll 8d8 damage.

CHRIS: (counting) 40. I’m sorry. What was that last one? Shit. 35.

MATT: Nice, 35 points of cold damage to both the salamander and the elemental in front of you.

Great. So you see as a blast of winter arcane energy just skirts forward, casting most of the

dark area here in snow and ice and sleet. You can see the front of this lava pond is cooled for the

moment and actually can be walked across probably for one or two more rounds.

CHRIS: You’re welcome.

LIAM: You’re still on fire, by the way.

MATT: Yes, you are also still on fire. Someone has to take an action to try and douse the

flames on him, whether it be himself or possibly your allies. You can still give actions to your

two undead buddies.

CHRIS: Oh. In that case. I think I’d like to ask the zombie character, who I believe was– no,

Stimpy was the skeleton, this is Coral. I’d like to have Coral rip– is my skin on fire, or is it

just my vest?

MATT: Both, actually. The scales are starting to crisp.

CHRIS: Those are really hard to get!

SAM: The vest?

CHRIS: Yes!

TALIESIN: You could just have them swat you. Like (zombie grunting noises).

CHRIS: I need to have the zombie hurl its body on top of me, onto the ground, and roll around on me,

to get the flame off. It’s a very stinky enterprise.

MATT: Okay, I’ll allow this. You’re intentionally going prone, so you start your next

combat round on the ground, which means you’ll have half your movement. As Stimpy hobbles over

(zombie groan).

SAM: This is Coral.

CHRIS: Is there like snow or ice on the ground?

MATT: There is behind the elemental, yes.

CHRIS: Can he scoop some up?

MATT: The zombie can take one action, unfortunately, it’s not a super intelligent

creature. One or the other.

CHRIS: All right, then, I suppose he just has to roll on top of me.

MATT: You guys glance over out of the corner of your eye and you see is the dragonborn all of

a sudden jumps to the ground, sprawled out, snow angel style.

CHRIS: Do it! Just do it already! What are you waiting for?!

MATT: As this undead begins flailing about on top of his body. You’re starting to get elements of

decaying goo and–

CHRIS: Yes, it’s fucking terrible!

MATT: But the flames do eventually go out, over the next five to six seconds or so. What would you

like Stimpy to do?

CHRIS: I mean, I guess– I would have to give him a candle, wouldn’t I?

MATT: You would, yes.

CHRIS: Right. Maybe he just scoops up as much ice and snow as possible, and attacks the–

MATT: Sure.

SAM: Snowball fight?

CHRIS: Snowball fight.

MATT: He picks up some of the frost on the ground with his skeletal hands. Flings it. Funnily

enough, it hits.

CHRIS: Fuck yeah, it does.

MATT: Because it’s right there. We’ll say for that particular instance, it takes–

CHRIS: What, like a hundred points of damage?

MATT: Three points of cold damage.

(cheers)

MATT: Immediate steam, in the face of a fire elemental.

CHRIS: I smell like cooked cow anus at the moment.

MATT: Percy, you’re up.

TALIESIN: Weird question, what saving throw does a creature have to make with your sword?

TRAVIS: Wisdom.

TALIESIN: It’s a wisdom saving throw?

MATT: No, it’s constitution.

TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw. Good to know.

TRAVIS: I just answered the first thing that popped into my head.

TALIESIN: That was wisdom, fascinating. Okay, I’m right in the thick of it, aren’t it?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: I’m going to break away, I’ll take the hit. I don’t like attacking these

things straight on.

MATT: At the top of your turn, by the way, you take nine points of fire damage, down to four,

because you are also engulfed in flame, as is Scanlan for having passed over the space there.

TALIESIN: Nine points of fire damage, down to four. Okay. I’m going to break away and take a run

for it towards that crater in the far right corner.

MATT: This way here?

TALIESIN: Thank you, yes.

MATT: Running past the fire elemental, it does get an attack of opportunity on you, swinging out with

its flaming appendage. That is going to be a 13 to hit.

TALIESIN: That ain’t going to hit. That’s fine, I’m going to take my bonus action, and I’m going

to cast Hex on it.

MATT: On which one?

TALIESIN: On the one I just ran away from.

MATT: Okay, that elemental is now currently Hexed.

TALIESIN: With a disadvantage on constitution saving throws.

MATT: Oh, okay!

TRAVIS: Hey!

TALIESIN: Teamwork!

TRAVIS: I don’t think he has any blood, though.

MATT: Is it saving throws, or is it ability checks?

TALIESIN: Ability checks.

MATT: That does not affect saving throws, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: God damn it. All right, never mind. That’s fine. Since I’ve broken off from him, I’m

going to take some shots at him anyway. I’ll take three shots.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: First one is an 18.

MATT: 18 hits.

TALIESIN: That’s seven points of damage. Second one’s a sharpshooter. That’s 25.

MATT: 25. And with that shot (boom).

(cheering)

TRAVIS: Jeez, leave some for the rest of us, big boy.

MARISHA: Oh, wait, why did it go back?

MATT: Sorry, this is the one that took all the damage from the Cone of Cold, so this one is still

fine. Robbed you of victory!

CHRIS: That was so weird, he disappeared for a moment and then came right back!

TALIESIN: I haven’t actually damaged him yet, have I?

MATT: You did seven damage.

TALIESIN: That was the first damage. The second damage I haven’t done yet.

MATT: No, you have not.

TALIESIN: 20 points of damage.

MATT: All right, nice. You’re adding your Hexes to this, right?

TALIESIN: No, I’m not! Oh, shit.

MATT: Add d6 to each of these, buddy.

TALIESIN: So that’s six extra points, and that’s seven extra points total. Third sharpshooter shot.

Thank you for reminding me on the Hex. That’s a 12, that’s going to miss.

MATT: 12 misses, unfortunately. You shoot too far. It actually separates its body for a second, the

flames flickering away from the impact of the bullet, passing through, no effect,

unfortunately.

TALIESIN: Weird thing. Can I spend an action surge and put myself out of the fire?

MATT: You can.

TALIESIN: You know what, it’s just fire. I will be on fire.

MATT: You will be on fire, Percy.

TALIESIN: I’m going to be on fire.

MARISHA: It’s just fire.

MATT: Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: What is holding the thing that’s floating in the sky aloft? Is he flying? Is he supported on a

column of fire?

CHRIS: No, he’s brought a plastic shelf with himself, apparently.

SAM: Oh, of course.

CHRIS: He’s just standing on it.

MATT: It’s Ikea-made, you just have to build it.

TRAVIS: It’s the “schlogel.”

MATT: It appears to be flying. The very essence of this creature is partial flame and magic, and it’s

levitating as its lower form is a tiny dervish whirlwind of black ash and flame.

SAM: And he’s a larger creature or smaller?

MATT: Large.

SAM: He’s a large creature or smaller. Okay. I’m going to make him the boy in the bubble. I will

cast Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere.

TALIESIN: Yay!

MARISHA: What is that?

SAM: I’m going to make a bubble around him.

MATT: First you take four points of fire damage, because you’re on fire.

SAM: Oh, sure, whatever. No, wait, but it was nine, right? You said? Just four?

MATT: That was when it originally got to you, and then you’re still burning every turn until you put

yourself out. The range on the resilient sphere is 30 feet, so you’re going to want to get closer to

cast it.

SAM: Oh, okay. I’ll walk. He’s going to hit me, isn’t he?

MATT: This is cool, currently, if you want to go across. You can get there, and that’ll be enough

distance.

SAM: I’ll do that, and then straight up in the air.

MATT: Okay, so it has to make a dexterity saving throw. What’s the DC? The DC on your spells is a

20 right now, right?

SAM: It is.

TALIESIN: Wow.

MATT: And it rolled a 19. 18 plus one.

LAURA: Oh my gosh!

MATT: And, with that, suddenly you guys see Scanlan concentrate, shouting the magical

incantation through the hand cone–

SAM: You’re in a ball, motherfucker!

MATT: You see a pink-purple-hued globe of crystalline, magical arcane energy just form

around the creature, and the efreet goes (grunting).

SAM: Does he fall, or can he continue to fly?

MATT: The sphere is weightless, so no, he stays where he is.

LIAM: And is it a good witch, or a bad witch?

TALIESIN: Science check. Does oxygen penetrate the sphere?

SAM: There is still air inside.

TALIESIN: Damn it. Because that would’ve been amazing if he just died.

CHRIS: I was looking away, what just happened?

SAM: Oh, fuck!

CHRIS: What?

SAM: Always look at me!

CHRIS: Oh, I was looking at some grubs over by the–

TRAVIS: Grubs?

CHRIS: I’m hungry.

SAM: Oh, and I’ll turn around and I will heal Gern, because he’s not doing great. With my bonus

action, at a second level, I will cast Healing Word, and I will sing to him again, because he loves it

so much.

CHRIS: You know, I think I’m fine with 26 hit points.

SAM: (singing) Gern, baby, Gern! Candle inferno! Gern, baby, Gern! Burn that mother down!

MATT: All right. Second level, that’s 2d4 plus–

SAM: Five.

MATT: 2d4 plus five you heal.

CHRIS: Oh, do I roll that?

SAM: Do I roll, or does he?

MATT: Whichever one. Doesn’t matter to me.

CHRIS: Okay, so nine.

MATT: All right. Scanlan, I believe that ends your turn. Keyleth, you’re up.

CHRIS: Thank you. I will never again not watch your spellcasting! You tiny bundle of adorable

creature!

MARISHA: Is that guy and that guy within 30 feet of each other? It’s hard to tell with the thing on it.

MATT: There is 30 feet between them, yes.

MARISHA: A 30 foot long spell could hit both of them, correct?

MATT: A 30 foot long spell could– It could only hit one. It’s 30 feet between them.

MARISHA: Okay. But this guy– oh, damn it. What about this guy and this guy? They’re within 30

feet, right?

MATT: 35 between them. These two, there is definitely.

MARISHA: Actually, yeah, let me do that. I am going to cast a Tidal Wave right here and I’m

going to go outward in this direction, and it’s ten foot wide and 30 foot long, so let me back up

a little bit out of it.

MATT: So it’s ten feet wide, and it’ll go (rushing water) like that, you mean?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, so you back up to there?

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: All right. Okay, dexterity save on each of them. Dexterity save on the first one.

MARISHA: Since it’s water, do they have disadvantage?

MATT: No, not for the saving throw. The first one does make the saving throw, however, that is a 19

plus three, so 22. On a success, it takes half as much damage and isn’t knocked prone, so it takes

half. The other one, however, does fail.

MARISHA: Do they take more damage because it’s water?

MATT: How much is in the spell?

MARISHA: It does 4d8 damage.

MATT: Right, go ahead and roll that. I’d say, how many gallons would that be?

That’s a shit-ton of gallons.

MARISHA: Ooh, that’s good. 12 plus eight is 20, plus another eight is 28. Math.

TALIESIN: That’s a d8 there.

MATT: 14. Okay, so that’s 14 and 28. I’d say that Tidal Wave, how many gallons of water would we say

each one of those is?

MARISHA: It’s 30 foot tall.

MATT: Well, it’s ten foot tall, ten foot wide, so that’s…

MARISHA: And 30 feet long.

TALIESIN: Four gallons, easily.

MATT: I’d say we’re looking at close to 50 gallons of water, right?

TALIESIN: Probably way more than 50 gallons.

LAURA: That’s a lot of gallons, for sure.

CHRIS: I think it’s like a million gallons.

SAM: Somewhere between 50 and a million.

MARISHA: Why didn’t we switch to metric?

TALIESIN: It would be a few hundred gallons of water.

MATT: We’ll say for the purposes of this, for the width of it and the space you had to pass it

through, we’ll say roughly 60 gallons of water passes through each of these elementals. Water

susceptibility, for every five feet the elemental moves in water, or for every gallon of water

splashed on it, it takes one point of cold damage, so they both take an additional 60 points of

damage. Which destroys both of the elementals.

LAURA: Fuck yeah! Do that again, Keyleth!

MARISHA: Okay, I will!

TALIESIN: Again, again!

MATT: So Keyleth, you have more movement still, if you want to move somewhere.

MARISHA: Oh! I’ll scootch up a bit, start moving towards…

MATT: There?

MARISHA: That’s good, that works.

MATT: Okay. That brings us to Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: I would like to rush up where Scanlan is, and attack that little guy on the ground there.

MATT: Right there?

SAM: I’m the little guy on the ground.

TRAVIS: No, not you, the other guy that’s next to him. And can I use a reckless attack–

MATT: Are you raging first, or are you–

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, raging. I would like to rage. And then use reckless attack against him!

MATT: All right, so you got two attacks, reckless attack.

TRAVIS: 24?

MATT: 24 hits.

TRAVIS: 23.

MATT: 23 hits.

TRAVIS: Awesome. 18 on the first one.

MATT: Nice.

TRAVIS: And 23.

MATT: 23, nice. All right, so as you rush past, looking over at the cooled rock that’s starting to

crack, and bits of steam vents are starting to push through underneath your feet, Scanlan. The

area you’re standing on isn’t very sturdy, you’re probably going to want to move pretty soon.

However, you see this barreling form of pure anger and blade come rushing past as Grog slams into the

salamander twice with his blade. That fails first constitution, and fails second. So you gain plus

two strength, salamander loses two strength.

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: However, because you’ve taken… With each strike within melee of the salamander’s heated

body, it’s so intense by its proximity that you suffer six points of fire damage from the first

melee attack against you.

TRAVIS: She gave me resistance, so halved to three?

MATT: Halved to two.

TRAVIS: Halved to two.

MATT: The other one would be 12, so you take six.

TRAVIS: Eight total.

MATT: Total of eight fire damage just from slamming and attacking this salamander. All

righty, that brings us to the very end. It is now the salamander’s turn. After being hacked twice by

you, Grog, it turns around, takes its trident in both hands, looks at you with this horrible snarl.

You can see now these glistening, almost ruby-like sharp teeth in its wide grin. (snarl) These long

catfish-like tendrils that waft off its face as it slams down the spear towards you.

TRAVIS: Oh, you brought a fork to a sword fight.

MATT: That is going to be a 23 to hit.

TRAVIS: Oh shit, that hits.

MATT: You take 12 points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Halved.

MATT: Halved to six. And it’s going to also turn around and its tail, its long snake tail (whoosh)

whips you. That is going to be an 18 to hit.

TRAVIS: That misses!

MATT: It misses, all righty. The tail comes towards you, and you knock it out of the way with

Craven Edge. That will end its turn. Top of the round, I’m going to make a roll for the

consistency of the currently cooled lava pool. It maintains. However, you feel your

feet cracking beneath–

SAM: I think I’ll stay.

TRAVIS: Feels nice here. Maybe a timeshare.

MATT: This efreet– let me look at the logistics of this spell now, because–

TRAVIS: It’s pissed off in a ball.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, this spell is awful.

SAM: It can’t do anything.

MATT: It is enclosed for the duration, up to a minute.

LIAM: Sorry, Matt. Sorry, Matt.

TRAVIS: He’s like, first the beholder, now my flame genie.

MATT: It’s pushing against, and it takes these two flame balls it conjures and throws them out

towards you guys. They just go (impacts) against the sphere and then go out, and it’s just

(growling). It’s really, really pissed off. It can’t do anything.

CHRIS: (singing) Like a genie in a bottle. Got to rub me the right way.

LIAM: Can we all collectively look up at him, look sad, and go, aw.

TALIESIN: I’m looking forward to rolling it back through the rift.

MARISHA: Oh my god, can we do that? Like a hamster ball.

MATT: All right. Ending its turn, because it can’t do anything, Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: All right, I’m going to scoot up right in front of Keyleth on the edge of the frozen-over

pool of lava, but I’m not going to stand on it. And I’m going to chuck three daggers at the

salamander in front of Grog.

MATT: Okay. Right there, about?

LIAM: Right in front of her. Between her and the– yeah. There. One, two, three to the salamander.

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: 21. Then 25. And then 21.

MATT: Okay, all three hit.

LIAM: All right, and because he’s flanked by Grog, the first one gets sneak attack damage. Two plus

eight, 14, 16, 17, 22, 23, 25, 31 for the first.

MATT: Nice.

LIAM: And then ten for the second and eight for the third.

MATT: All right. Good to know. (whoosh) As you jump in front of the way of Keyleth, you unleash

all three daggers in rapid succession, each one finding its mark (impacts) into the body of the

now profusely bleeding salamander. You can see now streaks of its own blood are pouring down, boiling

on contact with air, the significant difference in temperature from the exterior and its actual

interior body causing it to change from a liquid to a gas.

TRAVIS: That’s our rogue.

MATT: End your turn?

LIAM: I look over my shoulder at Keyleth like a dumb schmuck for a second, and then back at the

salamander.

MATT: Okay. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Okay. Am I hiding? Am I hidden?

MATT: You can roll a stealth check. A hide action is a hide action. As a rogue, do you have the–

LAURA: What is that number?

MATT: I don’t know what number that is.

LAURA: It’s completely smooshed off of the dice!

LIAM: That means that existence is about to end.

LAURA: There’s literally–

LIAM: Just roll this. Roll another one.

MATT: Technically, you do not have cunning action yet, that’s a 2nd-level rogue ability, so you

would use your action to hide.

LAURA: But I had my skirmisher stealth.

MATT: If you go from hide to hide you can do that, but you are not hidden at the

beginning of the round.

LIAM: It’s a rookie rogue mistake. It happens in the beginning.

LAURA: Yeah. It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine. All right, then I’m just going to…

LIAM: At the higher levels you mess up the assassinate thing.

LAURA: Everything’s a concentration thing, so I’m just going to lightning arrow the giant fire guy.

MATT: Right there?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Go for it. Roll for attack.

LAURA: Okay. 30!

MATT: That’ll hit.

SAM: That’ll hit anything.

LIAM: She just hit a sparrow on a paraglider.

LAURA: That’s 4d8 lightning damage on a hit.

MATT: Correct, yep.

LIAM: Oh. Well, half good, half bad.

LAURA: 18. That’s it.

MATT: 18 points of lightning damage?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. So as you turn around the side of the tree, releasing the arrow. As it goes through

the air, streaking, it suddenly bursts into an arcing bit of energy (crackling energy), a bolt of

lightning that strikes into and begins to spill around the insides of the elemental. You can see

it shakes it off as the energy disperses.

LAURA: Okay, I’m going to use my bonus action to hide then, with the skirmisher’s thing. For my

skirmisher stealth, I can use a bonus action to hide.

MATT: I’m pretty sure you have to… If you go from hiding to hiding, you can do it.

LAURA: You told me, I swear!

MATT: Read the ability, read the ability!

LAURA: Okay, where was it?

LIAM: Right now, on the air.

LAURA: Okay, where is it? I don’t know where it is. I’ll find it, and then I’ll find out. And then

I’ll roll for stealth then if it works.

MATT: I’ll say for the sake right now of the distraction, go ahead and do it for now, and we’ll

correct it later if need be. I would rather you have fun than not. So, what’s your stealth roll?

LAURA: My stealth roll is 15, it doesn’t even matter.

LIAM: 15, she said 15.

LAURA: It’s not in the book, it’s in the–

MATT: No, it’s in the PDF. Anyway, what did you roll?

LAURA: 15.

MATT: 15, okay. Good to know. End of your turn. This elemental creature–

LIAM: Oh jeez. Here it comes.

MATT: Comes up over–

(yelling)

LIAM: Oh, he’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead!

MARISHA: He tripped at the finish line!

MATT: As another one tears out of the portal and begins making its way here at full movement to

there. This one’s going to go ahead and make two strikes towards you, Scanlan.

SAM: Two attacks towards me?

MATT: Yep. That’s going to be 11.

SAM: Is that the attack roll?

MATT: The attack roll. And a natural one. Elementals can’t roll today. And you’re already on

fire, so its fire form won’t make much of a difference to you either way. All right, so that’s

going to end its turn, and the other elemental pours in, that’s the end of their round. All

right, that brings us to Gern.

CHRIS: Oh boy.

SAM: Feel the Gern, feel the Gern.

MATT: Flames are out, you push– not Stimpy– Coral off of you, Coral standing (groan).

CHRIS: Does it count as my turn if I ask him a question about the orb?

MATT: No, you can make a quick little aside. You have to shout it out, though.

CHRIS: If I attack the genie, is it just going to attack the orb, and then he’s going to be free?

SAM: Yes! I’m not looking at you, by the way.

CHRIS: It really hurts, I didn’t realize how much that hurt!

SAM: Yeah, I know!

CHRIS: I’ve learned a valuable lesson today, while I’ve half-caught on fire. Can I cast some type of

a mental spell through the orb to the fire genie?

MATT: You can certainly try.

CHRIS: Would it be too crafty if I were to cast Modify Memory? Could I modify the fire genie’s

memory to forget to not kill himself? I’ll take that as a no. Can I modify the fire genie’s memory

into thinking that he’s completed the task that he came to this realm to complete, and that he might

go home?

MATT: You can certainly try.

CHRIS: I’d love to try.

MATT: Okay. What’s the range on the spell?

CHRIS: Infinity.

(laughter)

MATT: Modify Memory, where is it? There we go, 5th-level.

TALIESIN: Oh, God, I hope this works.

MATT: It’s a 30-foot range, so you’re going to have to get a lot closer. You’re getting up from

prone, which is half your movement, so you only have 15 more feet you can move, so you wouldn’t be

able to even get into range.

CHRIS: Oh, shit, I can’t cast Modify Memory anyway, I’ve already cast two spells

like that today.

MATT: That’s true, Cone of Cold. You’re out of fifth level.

CHRIS: So which way– is there a chain of people? I see a couple right there.

MARISHA: Here’s a laser pointer if you need it.

CHRIS: Thank you. This guy’s new, right?

MATT: Yeah, and this guy hasn’t been touched really, except for her lightning arrow.

CHRIS: Oh, I can shoot lightning breath, right?

MATT: You can, yeah.

CHRIS: Should I shoot at this guy or this guy?

SAM: Well, the guy next to me might hit me, but whatever!

CHRIS: I’ll throw some lightning breath at this person right here.

MATT: Okay, as you stand up and dust off yourself, your fantastic zipper-covered dance jacket,

brushing it off with your hands, you lumber forward to the outskirts of this newly cracking

rock crust that once was a lava pool and will soon be once again, inhale. As you guys look around,

you see this glow, this blue crackling blow– glow on the inside of his mouth. The blow is how he got

to the mountain and then got inspired to shoot the lightning.

CHRIS: I’m flying high, but I can’t get an erection. I’ve done so much blow.

MATT: Gern Blanston. Flying high, no erection.

CHRIS: Sad.

MATT: This crackling electric energy in the back of his toothy mouth as he– (snarl) releases this

blast of lightning energy forward, striking into the chest of the fire elemental that freshly

stepped out of the portal. What’s the saving throw DC on that?

CHRIS: 14.

MATT: 14. It rolled a nine, so go ahead and roll the damage on the breath. How much is it?

CHRIS: It’s 4d6.

TRAVIS: Love the way you’re rolling today.

MATT: I’m rolling really bad tonight!

CHRIS: Four, ten, 15, 16!

SAM: Yeah, that’s good.

MATT: 16 points of lightning damage to that elemental. (impact) It pulls back from the blast.

You can see its form has to reconvene. There’s a little bit of black and gray smoke that billows

out from the wound as it turns to you (snarling). You’ve definitely got its attention.

CHRIS: Hello!

MATT: With your bonus action, would you like to do anything with your compadres?

CHRIS: Oh, right. I still have two left, don’t I?

MATT: Yes, you do.

SAM: You do like dancing.

CHRIS: I’d like to send them off to start dancing just to the left of this gentleman right here.

Just to distract him a little bit, because I seem to have caught his attention, so I’d like to start

a little dance party right there. This fellow right here, the zombie, can do a little break

dancing, and then the skeleton can do a bit of the bird, and then maybe the worm.

MATT: All right. As the skeleton leaps down into the worm (crash), just flat laid out, cracking

part of its pelvis…

CHRIS: Dancing without music.

MATT: Yep. No music whatsoever.

CHRIS: Is the zombie like (zombie groaning). The tip of his arm falls off at the ulna.

TALIESIN: Pop and lock! Pop and lock!

MATT: All right. I’m going to go ahead and–

CHRIS: These guys are great!

MATT: I’m going to ask you to go ahead and roll a performance check.

SAM: We never do those!

LAURA: I feel really bad that I killed Carol now.

MARISHA: Oh, that was almost bad.

TALIESIN: Wait, plus, plus–

SAM: Oh, you have inspiration!

MARISHA: You do!

LAURA: Use it!

SAM: Use a d10!

LIAM: This is the time.

CHRIS: Oh. So seven, plus performance plus one, eight, and then a d10.

LIAM: Roll the d10, add it.

CHRIS: Jesus Christ. Ten.

MATT: Ten. Trying to recall and hum the song that Scanlan once sang to you, naught but ten minutes

before, you don’t recall it much at all, and it comes out (tuneless humming).

CHRIS: (singing) Gern, Gern, It’s Gern. It’s Gern time!

SAM: Pitchy, little pitchy. Flat.

CHRIS: (singing) It’s Gern, time to Gern!

SAM: Well, now you’re sharp.

CHRIS: (singing) Gern it all the way. I’m doing great!

SAM: Yep, your name was in the song!

CHRIS: (singing) Gern is my name and this is definitely the song that I’m singing.

MATT: It’s discordant enough that on a low wisdom save I’ll say the fire elemental’s next attack has

disadvantage. That was the strangest round of combat I think I’ve ever had in D&D. All right,

Percy, you’re up. Follow that. First, top of your round, you take nine points of fire damage.

TALIESIN: That’s halved to five.

LAURA: I have the skirmisher stealth! As a bonus action at the end of your turn, you can make a

dexterity (stealth) check to hide again.

MATT: All right, cool, there you go. Perfect. Wasn’t sure if you had to be hidden

at the top to do it.

TALIESIN: I’m going to shift my Hex to the tiny little (Irish accent) fucker. God, you’ve got me

doing it now. Damn it. It’s a plague.

CHRIS: It’s contagious.

MATT: To which one, this guy there?

TALIESIN: No no no, the one furthest from me.

MATT: Right there?

TALIESIN: Yeah, right there. I’ll move my Hex to him. I’m going to bust out the Bad News rifle, I’m

going to sit, and I’m going to take a nice, calm, calculated sharpshooter shot at him.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: And Bad News just goes (click).

MATT: Did you misfire?

TALIESIN: I misfired.

MATT: Oh no! You get down with the gun and (click). You look at it and you can see some of

the metal bowing in the centerpiece like, “That’s bad. That’s bad. That’s bad. That’s bad!”

TALIESIN: It’s fine. I put it down, I pull out the pistol, and I’m going to take a shot.

MARISHA: It’s hot. It’s really hot. Just keep going.

TALIESIN: That was really awkward.

MARISHA: Maybe the heat made you misfire.

TRAVIS: Just roll the dice.

LIAM: You’re also 60 feet apart at the moment.

TALIESIN: That’s a 25 to hit.

MATT: 25 hits. Sharpshooter? No.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: That’s sharpshooter? Wow. Nice roll.

TALIESIN: Six, 12, 22 points of damage. And I reload, and that’s my turn.

MATT: That’s your turn. Okay. Finishing up Percy, that brings us to Scanlan. You’re still

concentrating on Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere.

SAM: Oh, yes I am.

LIAM: The gnome has got this.

SAM: Hey, how’s that stuff under my feet?

MATT: Pretty rough. You’re going to want to step off of it very soon, probably.

SAM: I’m going to step into it.

LIAM: Love you, Scanlan.

SAM: So I can fire a Lightning Bolt and hit both of those guys.

MATT: Oh, snap. Okay.

SAM: And yeah, that’s it. That’ll be my–

MATT: You can still move after that.

SAM: Oh, good! Okay, good, thank you for saving me.

MATT: So the bolt arcs past, go ahead.

CHRIS: I saw that, it was great!

SAM: Oh, for once! Thank you! Thank you, it was for you!

CHRIS: Much appreciated!

MATT: Five, no. And a 12 plus three, 15, no. Both fail their saving throw.

SAM: Okay, so 8d6?

MATT: 8d6 points of lightning damage to both of them. It’s a wonderful display, Gern.

LIAM: I ship Scanlan and Gern.

CHRIS: Shh, guys, please.

SAM: 33.

MATT: 33, nice roll.

CHRIS: Oh, that Lightning Bolt was so big. And wide!

SAM: It’s the width that really does it.

CHRIS: It really does. It’s not so much the length.

TALIESIN: It’s the girth of Gern.

SAM: And I will re-inspire Gern. Oh, wait, you’re still injured, aren’t you?

CHRIS: Yeah.

SAM: I will heal Gern.

CHRIS: Please.

SAM: With another Healing Word. This time at third level.

MATT: Technically, a second spell can only be as high as second level. You used two spells in one

round.

LIAM: It’s still very romantic, though.

SAM: Okay, I’ll do a 2nd-level Healing Word, and I will sing to him, because I’m running out of

things that rhyme with his name: (singing) Gern down for what! (EDM beat) Gern down for what!

That’s it.

CHRIS: Might I remind you I am unable to get an erection at the moment?

MATT: However, in spite of that, the blue pill does give you ten additional hit points healed.

LAURA: Did the skeleton and the zombie start dancing better, after that?

MATT: Yeah, it actually does pick up their pace a little bit now that they have a backtrack.

CHRIS: What is the elemental doing while they’re dancing?

MATT: Well, it’s currently being surrounded by a swirl of Hex shadow and looking around very

confused and wondering why it got up in the morning.

TALIESIN: Where did the glow sticks come from?

MATT: Do you want to move out?

SAM: And I can move out?

MATT: Yeah, you can.

SAM: Will he take a swipe at me?

MATT: It will yes, but better than possibly falling in.

SAM: I’m still on fire, right?

MATT: Yes, you are. Takes an action to put it out, though, unfortunately. That’s 18 plus six. I

believe that does hit you. You take 12 points of fire damage.

SAM: Plus whatever I was on fire for.

MATT: You already took that damage earlier.

SAM: Oh, I did? At the beginning of my turn.

MATT: Yeah, I rolled for that already, you take nine points of fire damage, I think it was.

SAM: Oh, okay, plus 12?

MATT: Plus 12. If I’m wrong, whatever, it’s fine. All right. That ends your turn, Scanlan. Keyleth.

MARISHA: So we have these two assholes in front of us.

LIAM: My name is Vax.

MARISHA: Well, depends on the day. So, that guy is still alive too, yeah?

MATT: Yeah, all three of these guys are alive. And this guy’s in a hamster ball.

LAURA: Being pissed!

TALIESIN: It’s just like a weather balloon.

MATT: Yeah it’s a rover just holding him in place.

MARISHA: I’m going to Tidal Wave again. Tidal Wave! Right here, this way, fucking

with these two guys.

MATT: All righty, let’s go ahead and roll some saving throws on their end.

('The Prisoner’ theme starts playing)

TALIESIN: Thank you, thank you.

MATT: Yeah. Six and an eight, both fail. Who is number one?

CHRIS: I am not a number, I’m a free man!

MATT: So good, so good. The original one, not the remake. Patrick McGoohan. Two failed saving

throws, go ahead and roll damage on that.

MARISHA: It’s really good, I’m warning you right now. Seven and seven is 14 plus another six,

brings me to 20, plus eight, 28, again. That’s what I had last time right? 28.

LIAM: Kismet.

MATT: 28 points of water damage, plus the additional blast of water gallons surging through

them, manages to completely scatter both these guys.

TALIESIN: We actually had a Critter tweet us how much water.

MATT: How much water would be in a Tidal Wave?

TALIESIN: 225 gallons.

MATT: Oh, there is no way they’re surviving that.

MARISHA: And then technically in Tidal Wave it says the water then spreads out across the ground

in all directions, extinguishing unprotected flames in the area within 30 feet of it.

MATT: Unprotected flames are different than lava pools. Water doesn’t cool it, it just evaporates.

TALIESIN: We’ve got steam.

MATT: You do. You have a very heavy cloud of steam now, that is (steam sound) to the side. The

dancing skeleton and zombie are now just these shadows lit in this cool music video light now as

they’re (groan) dancing.

LIAM: As if this were a Telltale game, at the top of the screen it says,

'Keyleth will remember this’.

MATT: Exactly. Tidal Wave on fire elementals is nasty, man.

(“Thriller” starts playing)

MARISHA: Can I use my bonus action–

MATT: Perfect. This is happening, guys. Is that the rest of your turn, Keyleth? Do you want to

move somewhere?

MARISHA: Question.

MATT: Yes, what’s your question?

MARISHA: Can I theoretically cast a Grasping Vine coming out of the hellmouth?

MATT: No, Grasping Vine is a 4th-level spell, I believe, and as a bonus action you can’t do

anything more than a 2nd-level spell in the same round.

MARISHA: Fuck, never mind. Actually, no, that’s not true. I will take my bonus Healing Word to

toss another Healing Word, just 1st-level, over to Gern.

MATT: Everyone’s keeping the dance master alive over there.

CHRIS: Oh my god, amazing.

MARISHA: So you heal eight points, Gern.

MATT: Eight points of healing to you, Gern.

SAM: He’s gone.

MATT: We can’t save him. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: I use another reckless attack and I make the first strike against the guy right in front of me.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Jesus. Better. 14.

MATT: 14 misses, unfortunately.

TRAVIS: Damn it.

MATT: Are these with great weapon master?

TRAVIS: No, just reckless attack. This one is with great weapon master. Nope. Better. 16 plus nine is

25, minus five is 20.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: Yahtzee! Five, ten, 18, 28!

MATT: 28 points of damage, okay. This time, as you release the first blow of your sword forward, he

catches it in the blade of the trident and deflects it off to the side, slamming it into the

ground, almost pinning the weapon for a second. He gets up in your face and grins (snarls), and the

actual breath that emanates from its teeth begins to burn and singe the edge of your beard hairs.

That infuriates you, and you lift up Craven Edge between the blades of the trident. It’s a test of

strength as you both tense, and eventually you lift it back, and with the backswing, slash him

right across his chest with that blow. You see a strike of extremely hot, hot blood splatter

across, (sizzling), singe the front of your chest and leave little burn marks on you.

SAM: Yes!

TRAVIS: Like freckles.

LIAM: You don’t want to fuck with his beard!

MATT: He does make the save.

CHRIS: She has a name.

LIAM: Sorry, Laura.

MATT: Well played. Does that end your turn?

TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s the end of my turn.

LAURA: Why am I laughing at that?

TRAVIS: Darling, shush.

MATT: Efreet’s going to start pushing against the ball, which is going to begin to coast through the

air this way.

LIAM: Does he spin the globe?

MATT: Just gliding through slowly.

TRAVIS: Genie hamster.

MATT: Yeah, that’s about all he can do this turn.

SAM: Sorry!

MATT: No, no, it’s what you do. It’s what you do. All right, Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: Man, all right. I’m in a good spot, I’ll just throw three more daggers at the salamander

that Grog has not yet killed. First one is a natural 20, the second one is a 13, and the third

one is, aw, fuck, is a 14.

MATT: Okay. Hold off on those two attacks, just in case how much your critical sneak attack does.

LIAM: Five, six, seven, eight, 12, 18, 21, 25. 25, so you double the dice, is 56 for the first one.

MATT: Okay, so as you throw the dagger, it goes right past Grog’s ear and you hear the (whoosh) of

the wind as it just brushes past your face. After you finish your backswing with Craven Edge, as the

salamander creature rears back from the impact, it looks towards you, and its eyes twitch ever so

slightly to your right as it sees the incoming blade a little too late as it (impact) right into

its right eye socket. Its tongue lolls out of its jaw as it falls onto its back, and its tail moves

and twitches for a few seconds before it eventually goes limp.

TRAVIS: No, no, he’s still alive! And I kick him. Now he’s dead.

MATT: Grog stomps it into the ground. The twitching stops, the salamander now destroyed.

TRAVIS: Does the dagger stay in his eye socket?

MATT: It’s currently in the eye socket, yeah.

TRAVIS: Ooh. Can I reach down and grab it?

MATT: Yeah. You reach down and grab the dagger, and as you pull it out, (poof) it turns into smoke

in your hand.

TRAVIS: Holy shit! I look back at Vax.

LIAM: Grog, how did you do that?

TRAVIS: I don’t know! I think maybe I’m a magic user now! And I start trying to cast reanimate

person on the dead thing.

MATT: Okay.

CHRIS: That’s not how you do that!

TRAVIS: No, no, no, I’ve got to concentrate!

CHRIS: All right.

TRAVIS: (straining)

LAURA: Hey, Scanlan!

SAM: Oi!

LAURA: What are we going to do with this giant ball?

SAM: We need someone to bring him down to earth. Keyleth, can you vine him down? Or, Gern, do you

have something that can move things?

MARISHA: Can I–

CHRIS: Go ahead.

MARISHA: No, go, you first. Please, Gern.

LIAM: Does anyone have a large purple hand they could use?

TALIESIN: I think he would lose–

MARISHA: Yeah, it’s a concentration spell.

MATT: Yeah, one spell at a time.

CHRIS: I thought I had some sort of a Telekinesis spell, but I guess I don’t.

SAM: Chromatic Orb?

MARISHA: No, that’s an attack.

LAURA: Can you bring it down, Keyleth?

MARISHA: I can try. Can I do a Grasping Vine from the bottom underneath of him, and see if I can?

LIAM: He’s over lava.

SAM: He’s got something!

CHRIS: Oh, sorry, go ahead.

MATT: What are you doing? I know what you’re doing, what are you doing?

CHRIS: I could either manipulate his memory, or I do have a flying broom.

SAM: What?

LIAM: Yes?

CHRIS: Yes, I have a flying broom.

TRAVIS: Like you do.

LAURA: Are you going to bat him down like you’re sweeping the sky?

CHRIS: I could fly up and gently glide him down.

LAURA: How come everybody flies?

MATT: Are you doing your vine as well?

MARISHA: Let me see how this goes first.

MATT: So, without any other command, your two friends, Coral and Stimpy, are still over there

dancing as the mist slowly dissipates from the deluge. You pull out from the side of your little

satchel there your flying broom, which is a pretty decent, medium-sized broom, places it in the air

and it rests there, slightly shifting in place. You leap up onto it and grab onto the front as you

shoot up from the side.

CHRIS: Going up to catch the golden bitch!

LAURA: There’s flying brooms?!

MATT: As you place yourself on top of Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere, placing all your weight onto it,

it sinks a little bit, then it comes to a halt. About three feet it sinks, as you’re just standing

on top of it.

MARISHA: That’s as far as it goes?

MATT: What do you want to do?

CHRIS: I’d like to try to cast a memory spell on it, if possible.

MATT: Okay. Well, you’ve already cast a 5th-level spell twice, how many 5th-level spells can you

cast per day?

CHRIS: Two.

MATT: Yeah, unfortunately you’re out of 5th-level slots.

CHRIS: Could I cast it on you to forget that I’ve already cast it twice?

LIAM: Scanlan, how much time do we have with this bubble?

SAM: A minute, but about 30 seconds have gone by.

MATT: Yeah, you’re getting down to about the 40-second mark.

TALIESIN: Can I put myself out while all of this is happening?

MATT: Yes, you can do that.

SAM: Can he push down?

MATT: You can jump onto it and begin to push down.

CHRIS: I’m going to push down with all my might, to try to get him down on the ground.

MATT: You leap in the air and jump on it again and as you do the orb (sinking noise) and just slowly,

over the next 15 seconds shove it down to the point where you’re over the orb on the very top,

as you can feel the spell about to dissipate.

LIAM: Grog, Grog! Stop trying to reanimate that thing and hit the freaking red guy into the hole!

MATT: Grog, go ahead and roll an arcana check.

SAM: Oh, he’s the best at arcana.

LIAM: 20. Get it. Get it. Reanimate that fucker.

TRAVIS: Six.

MATT: Six. This isn’t working.

TRAVIS: Must be a rookie mistake.

SAM: What are we trying to do, shove him back into the hole?

TALIESIN: Shove him in the hole!

LIAM: Grog, shove that fucking thing in there.

TRAVIS: He’s over lava.

LIAM: You are made of hit points!

TRAVIS: All right, fuck it– This is your thing.

MARISHA: Can I do the vines from out of the portal?

MATT: No, it has to have an anchor point somewhere.

TRAVIS: All right, fuck it, now I just run, in a rage, I run into the lava and I start shoving him

straight toward the flaming vagina hole.

MATT: Okay, I want you to make an athletics check. Actually, no, this would be a full strength check.

Just roll a strength check. You have advantage because you’re still raging. Although you

wouldn’t be raging anymore because you spent time concentrating on the spell, you could go into a

rage for this if you’d like to, spend another use of your rage.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll use another one.

MATT: Okay, you go into a rage. All right, as you step into the lava, you suffer 26 points of fire

damage from wading up to your knees in molten rock.

MARISHA: Halved.

MATT: Halved because of your resistance.

TRAVIS: So 12. I rolled a 22.

MATT: 22. With that you, (boof), you shove the sphere, which shifts back about halfway to there.

You have to catch yourself on the side, grabbing the broom and holding it out here as you’re

stepping the other direction. I want you to make an acrobatics check.

CHRIS: All right. Seven.

MATT: Seven.

TALIESIN: You have inspiration!

SAM: Nope. He used it.

MATT: As you (slipping noise) slip off the top of the sphere, begin to fall back toward the lava

behind you, in a very Lord of the Rings Gollum tumbling into Mount Doom type of view. (sploosh)

Back first into the lava.

LAURA: Oh shit.

CHRIS: I feel fine.

MATT: Actually, you take six points of fire damage. Impacting– rolled really low on that. (sploosh)

You can feel the back of your scales and the flesh on your back immediately begin to burn with

horrifying pain. You’re holding your broom aloft, 'cause you don’t want that to go in the fire.

LAURA: I run forward to try to help him out.

SAM: And steal the broom.

MATT: And with that, the sphere breaks.

(disgruntled moans)

LIAM: Crap.

MARISHA: Can Keyleth run up, do I have an action?

MATT: Right now we’re going back to the initiative order, since combat has re-initiated with the

sphere opened. That brings us to the top. The efreet, now freed from its sphere,

is going to go first.

LIAM: He’s mad.

MATT: He is livid. All right.

TRAVIS: I just want you to know, I was trying to free you.

SAM: I don’t know these people.

LIAM: These assholes.

TRAVIS: Can you believe how rude these people are?

MATT: He’s going to fly back up.

(groans)

MATT: Keep away. Let’s see. It’s going to cast Invisibility on itself, then it vanishes from view.

MARISHA: Great.

SAM: As it does that, do I recognize the spell?

MATT: You do.

SAM: I cast Counterspell.

MATT: Yes, you can. Go ahead and roll– Oh, wait, no, it’s a 2nd-level spell. It auto– Yeah. Yeah.

Because it is a 2nd-level spell.

SAM: Hi!

TALIESIN: Yeah!

MATT: As its form begins to vanish, Scanlan, what do you do to counter it?

SAM: I’m going to sing– No! I’m going to distract it with this.

TALIESIN: With an app?

SAM: With an app. (airhorn) (song starts) Oh, wait that’s not what I wanted to do!

CHRIS: Keep going! Distract him with your morning radio program!

MATT: And that bit of chaos is just enough, as he begins to cast his innate Invisibility spell, it

looks over. “What in the– Shit!” And loses the spell concentration. The invisibility field

vanishes, and it stands there above. All right, that brings us to Vax.

LIAM: Oh, shite. All right, I’m going to leap over the lava pit.

MATT: Make an acrobatics check.

LIAM: Yeah. That’ll be a 28. I run up behind Grog, and I should be within–

MATT: Darting around the side there, because you are hasted with this, so you can actually just

dart around the side.

LIAM: All right, right behind Grog. I should be within 60 feet of the efreeti.

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: And I’ll throw three daggers at it.

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: First one is a 34.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: Second one is a 27. Third is a 29, so they all hit.

MATT: Shit, jeez, 34.

LIAM: But there’s no sneak attack on these–

MATT: How did you get 34 on your attack?

LIAM: I don’t know anymore. I rolled really high, and I rolled my attack bonus, like a 19 plus 11?

A 30?

MATT: 30, okay.

LIAM: I don’t know.

MATT: That’s okay. A 30 works.

LIAM: Math looked right when I did it.

MATT: 34, I was just like (groaning) bleeding from the nose, I couldn’t deal with it. 30 hits.

LIAM: There’s no subterfuge, it might be stupidity. First one’s a ten, second one was a

ten, and the third one is a seven.

MATT: Seven. Got it. Cool. That ends your turn, Vax. That brings us to Vex.

LAURA: Hunter’s Mark!

MATT: All right. It is…

LAURA: It wasn’t, because I used Lightning Arrow, so it dropped the concentration on it.

MATT: That’s right, so you Hunter’s Mark once again. Put that back on there. All right.

LAURA: Although it doesn’t really matter because I’m going to cast Lightning Arrow on him and I

lose my Hunter’s Mark again.

TRAVIS: Trauma from the earlier episodes. Hunter’s Mark!

MATT: All right, so Lightning Arrow again, go ahead and roll for the attack.

LAURA: Oh yeah! Oh, that’s 31?

LIAM: 79!

LAURA: 31!

MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Okay!

MATT: Gern, you’re on deck.

LAURA: 23!

MATT: 23 points of damage, all righty.

LAURA: That’s better.

MATT: (impact) The lightning slams into his chest, and you can see it arcs through its scimitar that

it’s holding up in its hand, and it shakes and almost drops the weapon, and catches its arm as

the electricity disperses out the edge of the blade and looks back at you. He’s now glaring at

both you and Scanlan.

LAURA: I’m going to use my movement to run up around the molten lava and hold my hand out for

Gern, so that he can use me to get out of the molten lava.

MATT: All right, that’s as far as you can get there.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Gern, top of your turn, you take 24 points of fire damage from the lava as you’re sinking

into it. (sizzling)

CHRIS: So, can I jump up and then cast a spell?

MATT: Right now you can try and cast, in this area, but you would have a hard time

concentrating. I’d say you’d have to take a concentration check to even get a spell out,

because you’re in so much pain. I’d say you would probably want to move out of the lava before you

do that.

CHRIS: All right, I’ll get out of the lava.

MATT: So you (straining) stand up.

LAURA: Take my hand!

MATT: It’s too deep and you’re having to basically wade your way through, which is burning your hands

as you get over there.

CHRIS: What about my broom?

MATT: You were holding your broom! So here’s what you do. You go ahead and you lift yourself up out

of the lava onto the broom and then (blowing) push. You’re not fully on it, and it’s hard to

engage its mental commands directly with the current amount of chaos around you, but you do

manage to skirt yourself to the very edge of the lava and land on your feet, which are numb after

the sheer amount of pain you’ve suffered, and you don’t even want to look down at what you look

like from the waist below.

LAURA: Do you need me to hold your broom while you cast your spell?

CHRIS: Please!

LAURA: Thank you!

SAM: Oh, don’t do– Okay.

MATT: So she takes the broom from your hand. What are you going to cast?

CHRIS: Disintegrate.

MATT: Okay!

TRAVIS: Disintegrate?

SAM: That’s a spell?

LIAM: That’s a big one, we’ve seen that happen.

SAM: We have?

MARISHA: Yes.

SAM: Who did that?

LIAM: The giants got disintegrated.

CHRIS: I’m fairly pissed at the moment.

MATT: As you should be. All right, so you get to go ahead and roll.

LIAM: Get the fucker, you dirty bastard.

MATT: Let me get to the spell here real fast. Disintegrate. Oh, it just makes a dexterity saving

throw! It doesn’t even get a chance. All right, what’s your spell DC again?

CHRIS: 16.

MATT: 16. It rolled a two.

LAURA: Yes!

MATT: That’s going to be bad. All right, roll 10d6 plus 40 damage. Damn!

TRAVIS: 10d6?

MATT: Disintegrate doesn’t mess around. It’s an all or nothing spell. If they make the save,

nothing. You don’t make it, (explosion).

CHRIS: 27, 33, 36… So 76!

MATT: 76 points of force damage. As you get out, you can see your vest itself is burning, there’s

still elements of embers burning at the edges of the leather and the cloth. The bottom part of your

scales are a combination of blue, black, and little bits have cracked open where you can see

red flesh underneath. There’s a lot of burn damage.

CHRIS: The zippers are very hot, I might add.

MATT: They’re really glowing. However, as you turn around, as your fin jewelry on the sides of your

face jangles with the speed as you spin around and point your finger upward, the arcane energy

forming at the end of your finger, this singular beam of dull green arcane energy streaks forward.

The efreet, who is currently focused on Scanlan and watching Vex run past, looks down just in time

to see you release the spell. Opens his eyes and attempts to dodge out of the way, unfortunately

not fast enough. It blasts in the side of its shoulder and you can see as a whole chunk of its

back muscle, shoulder, and lower torso are just turned to dust, exposing bone and elements of its

musculature and flesh underneath. It goes (snarls) and looks down. It can’t even make a loud emission

of pain, it’s just gutturally whispering its horrible suffering. As it looks down, it reaches

up with its hand and cauterizes the wound on the back of its body, leaving it a charred cinder. It

glares down at you, extremely angry. “I hate you most of all, scarecrow!”

CHRIS: Go back to your fire slit!

MATT: Percy, you’re up. Unless you want your dudes to do anything, by the way. They’re still over

there dancing.

CHRIS: They should get a little bit closer and dance in front of him, just to make sure. They get

very self-conscious if no one’s paying attention.

SAM: Of course.

MATT: They’re just cheering on.

TRAVIS: At least they’re dancing while I’m standing on fire.

TALIESIN: Can I knock him down a notch? Can I try and shoot him to drop him out of the sky a bit?

MATT: You can certainly try.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try. First of all, I’m going to Hex him. He’s hexed. I point.

MATT: All right, so the Hex moves over.

TALIESIN: Hex moves over. And I’m going to take a shot to try and drop him. I’m going to take a grit

shot to drop him.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: That’s 22.

MATT: 22 hits.

TALIESIN: And that’s, what’s the saving throw for that? Strength throw.

MATT: Strength? 23.

TALIESIN: Aw, really?

MATT: Yeah. Sorry.

TALIESIN: That’s fine, he’ll just take his damage.

MATT: Little bitch. Plus 1d6, don’t forget.

TALIESIN: Yes, thank you.

MATT: Wow, Disintegrate spell fucked him up.

TALIESIN: That’s 17 points of damage.

MATT: Nice.

TALIESIN: I’m going to shoot again.

MATT: Is this with your pistol?

TALIESIN: Yeah, just with the pistol right now.

MATT: And what’s your first range increment on that?

TALIESIN: 400.

MATT: The pistol?

TALIESIN: Yeah. 1,200 for Bad News.

MATT: Your first range increment.

TALIESIN: I’m sharpshooter, I have no range increment.

MATT: That’s right. Good call. All right, so fire again.

TALIESIN: Range increments are for– We don’t do that here.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: That’s a 31 to hit.

MATT: That hits, roll damage. Scanlan, you’re up next, by the way.

TALIESIN: And that’s 16 points of damage.

MATT: All righty. (two impacts) Just as it manages to cauterize the wounds from the Disintegrate

spell, both bullets blast into its torso, and you can see it’s now, thinking the height advantage

would be helpful, after being locked in a hamster ball and now being repeatedly blasted from every

which way, it’s not enjoying its current experience by any means.

TALIESIN: It’s going to get worse. All right, and now I’m doing a sharpshooter shot.

MARISHA: Pew pew.

TALIESIN: Pew pew. That’s 18?

MATT: 18 hits.

TALIESIN: And that’s 12, 18, 28 points of damage.

MATT: Nice! This one (impact) blasts into the center of its chest, and you can see part of its

pectoral muscle tears open and flame erupts from the impact. It reaches up and (snarling).

TALIESIN: Action surge. Fuck this guy. Same thing, sharpshooter. I’m going to be rolling

sharpshooter.

MATT: Go for it, okay.

LIAM: Get the other nipple, now?

TALIESIN: The other nipple.

MARISHA: Matching piercings.

TALIESIN: 22.

MATT: 22 hits. This is going to be a rough round for him.

TALIESIN: 27 points of damage.

MATT: Ooh!

TALIESIN: Reload and one more shot!

LAURA: Jesus Christ! I mean.

TALIESIN: Reload, one more shot.

MATT: You got it.

TALIESIN: That’s 17, 27, 29–

MATT: That’s a hit. Go for it, roll damage.

TALIESIN: That hits.

MATT: Damn, man.

TALIESIN: 21 points of damage.

MATT: All right. (two impacts) These holes are beginning to appear in its body where the bits of

fiery flesh are being blasted away from the impacts of your weapon. All right, that brings us

to Scanlan!

LAURA: It didn’t kill him?

TALIESIN: No, but he’s a sieve now.

MATT: You guys held him–

LIAM: He just took 100 points of damage.

TALIESIN: He took a lot of damage.

SAM: Hey, that Ioun stone that I have? Does that allow me to cast a fourth level three spell?

MATT: If the spell you put into it was a fourth 3rd-level spell, yeah.

SAM: It was a 3rd-level spell, so it’s an extra 3rd-level spell?

MATT: Right.

SAM: I’m maxed out on 3rd-level spells, but I still have that thing.

MATT: Yeah, so it wouldn’t be a 4th-level spell because you didn’t cast into it as a 4th-level.

SAM: No, I mean, the fourth time I’ve cast a 3rd-level spell.

MATT: Oh, got you. It wouldn’t count against your daily. It’s in addition to that.

SAM: Okay! So I will, for the first time ever, use that stupid Ioun stone and cast Lightning Bolt

again. I’m just sticking with my method here.

MATT: All right, all right. With a five, it does not make its saving throw. Go ahead and roll

damage. 8d6.

SAM: 8d6, thank you.

LIAM: Here comes the cube.

CHRIS: 23, 28.

SAM: Thank you. Did you do this one too? 28!

MATT: How do you want to do this?

(cheering)

TRAVIS: Both kills! Both of them!

SAM: I think I would like to, if there’s a way, I’d like to angle it somehow so that he will drop

right on top of Grog. I feel like Grog can do something to a falling behemoth.

MATT: It’s hard-pressed from this angle, unfortunately. Grog is at an angle where you

wouldn’t really be able to do that.

SAM: Damn it.

MATT: Mind you, when you blast him, he’ll plummet close to his feet, if you wanted to.

SAM: All right, yes, let’s do that so Grog can feel like he gets part of this, too. And if I can,

I’d like to burn a big S in his chest.

MATT: So, as you charge up and blast the lightning bolt from your crotch region, you then do a little

dance maneuver with your waist, causing it to (crackling) carve a Scanlan S into the torso of

the efreet. As it plummets to the ground, slamming into where the lava would be, while the fire

doesn’t hurt its form, you can see, Grog, as it stands in the ground (groaning). Its form is

turning into ash around you. It’s actually just dissipating and turning to ash as its eyes roll up

and meet with yours.

TRAVIS: I run over in the lava and I go, I’d like to cast Beheading!

MATT: All right. You suffer 26 points of fire damage, reduced to 13 from taking another

round in there.

TRAVIS: Not a problem. Totally worth it for the spell.

MATT: As you take Craven Edge and take the head off. As the head rolls away–

TRAVIS: I grab it!

MATT: You grab it! It turns to ash.

TRAVIS: (panting) I run out of the lake.

MATT: You get out of the lava, stand on the side, and look over just as the rest of the head turns

to ashes.

TRAVIS: Aw, shit.

LAURA: I walk up to Grog.

LIAM: You did it again!

LAURA: I pat him on the shoulder, and say, that was so impressive. A genuine mage! And I use

sleight of hand to shove the flying broom into the Bag of Holding.

MATT: Okay. Roll sleight of hand.

TALIESIN: Whoa!

LIAM: Yeah, girl.

CHRIS: Am I allowed to roll a perception?

MATT: Yes, you can.

LIAM: Come on, Vex. Come on, sister.

LAURA: 18?

LIAM: Get it.

CHRIS: 16.

MATT: Plus?

TALIESIN: No.

MATT: Total of 16?

CHRIS: 15 plus one, yeah.

MATT: As you’re dealing with this, you have no notice of this. You may question it later, if you

like, but you have no idea where it went, and didn’t see any of this transaction happen.

LAURA: Oh no! Oh no!

SAM: What, what is it?

LAURA: Your broom fell in the lava!

CHRIS: What?

LAURA: I saw it!

CHRIS: I just turned around for a moment!

LAURA: I tried to give it back to you and it fell in the lava!

CHRIS: Are you sure?

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: Make a deception check.

SAM: You shouldn’t have looked at me when I cast my spell!

CHRIS: This is why I never looked at you before!

SAM: I was wrong to doubt you!

CHRIS: No! No, you’re a constant source of disappointment!

LAURA: 18.

CHRIS: Where’s my fucking broom?

MATT: Make an insight check now.

CHRIS: Insight. 13.

MATT: 13. She’s telling the truth, man. That broom just went straight in the lava.

SAM: You’re a horrible person.

CHRIS: You know, I’m really good at reading people, and I know that you’re telling me the

truth right now.

LAURA: I’m so sorry.

CHRIS: No, I feel your sorrow. I feel it. I feel bad for you, that you have to experience that!

It’s just a broom. Right? It’s just a flying broom that’s very difficult to find, no big deal.

LAURA: I wouldn’t know. I don’t even know.

CHRIS: That’s all right. You know, it actually– It sterilized me, actually, I’m quite glad. It has

very dirty properties. Anyone that would put it between their legs to fly around would be in

horrible danger. Horrible danger. So it’s actually probably for the better.

SAM: Communicable diseases?

CHRIS: Yeah, so many STDs. It’s really just like a disease tampon, is really what it is.

LIAM: A what? Is that like a magic candle?

CHRIS: It’s sort of like a magic candle.

LAURA: A tragedy candle.

CHRIS: It’s a tragedy candle.

TALIESIN: A Blanston candle.

CHRIS: Yes.

LIAM: I don’t understand sorcery at all.

MATT: At this point, you hear the flickering of flame and the portal itself has begun to expand

even further, glowing brighter.

MARISHA: Keyleth throws up a Skywrite spell and says, we’re taking the portal.

MATT: Okay. As this is happening, the flames themselves grow higher and higher. The lava begins

to boil and roil. As you guys all move up to the side, you can see the lava is beginning to

(bubbling) splash out and spray bits are starting to scatter as some of the nearby trees tumble

over. You can see the four Fire Ashari as well as Korren come across one of the clearings. The other

way, you see what looks to be another salamander gets thrown about 15 feet from the trees, hits the

ground, skids, and is motionless as you see Cerkonos with the rest of the Pyrah, the Fire

Ashari stepping through. “Keyleth. We saw your symbol. Is it time?”

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: “All right. Let us try to close this rift.” And the rest of the druids all begin to gather

around the outside of this portal. As it’s flickering, you can see, piercing into the

extremely blinding light, Keyleth, you take a moment, and using your attachment to the Fire

Ashari and the Fire Elemental Plane from your last passage through it, you can see past the

brightness and see beyond the doorway. You can see on the other side, there appears to be probably

another half dozen or a dozen or so of a few other elementals and salamanders that are now making

their way towards the portal.

MARISHA: I stand next to my father and join the rest of the druids.

LAURA: Grog, you should probably help them with all of your magic powers.

TRAVIS: Do you think so? It feels like it’s an intimate thing.

LAURA: Just hold your hands up, hold your hands up.

TRAVIS: All right.

MATT: All right. As the rest of the Ashari begin to gather around the portal and concentrate, they

are managing to hold the rift in its current size. You see as beads of sweat begin to pour down

Korren’s face, not used to this type of terrain. He goes (gasps), “We need more power!”

TRAVIS: Okay!

MATT: “If you can aid, whatever you have to bring to this, please, now is the time!” Does anyone

wish to help with the ritual?

LAURA: Oh, yeah.

CHRIS: I’ll help.

MATT: All right, how would you wish to help?

SAM: What a nice guy he is! Certainly not someone we should swindle!

LIAM: Strange that you would say that.

CHRIS: I would know if someone were trying to swindle me, believe me.

SAM: That’s true. That is true!

CHRIS: You all have honest faces. Particularly her, over there. Very honest face. What can I do

to help?

MATT: What do you think would lend itself to a fire gate-sealing ritual? It could be a spell, it

could be a use of a skill. How would you like to–?

SAM: A candle? Do you have any candles that could aid?

LAURA: Like fiery candles, maybe?

CHRIS: I have a– No, this one casts– This is bright light, there’s a thunder candle. Blink

candle. Destroy– No, that destroys dexterity. I have a thunder candle, but I don’t know if that

would work.

MATT: Make an arcana check.

CHRIS: 19.

MATT: 19. The Blink candle, which you crafted from various parts from blink dogs and other creatures

that have natural translocation capabilities, might have the capability, as this is a doorway

between planes, and teleportation magic is based on creating short-form doorways between similar

spaces, might have some impact on the ritual if used properly.

CHRIS: I have this Blink candle. It’s formed from various animals that blink and if– that has

trans-dimensional properties, very good properties. The best kind of robust properties

that I can throw it in, and it might help stop the– from– all of that.

TRAVIS: That makes perfect sense.

CHRIS: Right. So we’re all in agreement, then.

SAM: Well-explained!

CHRIS: All right. So I’m going to hand Blink candle to Coral and I’m going to have Coral walk

into the portal.

TRAVIS: Brave Coral.

CHRIS: Brave Coral. Fuck, I’ve lost two and my broom. What a fucking terrible day.

MATT: As Coral takes the candle, (groans) turns around and begins to just slowly melt, steps into

the lava.

LIAM: Run, Coral, run!

MATT: Nine points of fire damage to Coral who was already sitting at–

CHRIS: Six.

MATT: And had taken six damage, right? So 15 from 33. Coral’s at half health. Coral, as this is

rough terrain, gets part of the way there, then continues walking forward the rest of the

way. Takes an additional 17 points of damage.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: So that’s 32 points of damage. What’s Coral’s hitpoints? 33 is the max?

LAURA: That’s what you said.

MATT: Yep. On the sheet right there. I can read my own text. 33 hit points. Coral, at one hitpoint, gets

up to the lava, take the candle and (boof). As the energy expands from it, you can see a ripple,

a heat wave ripple, that billows outward. Coral vanishes entirely and the portal shrinks down by

about five to six feet, actually closing in its space

CHRIS: Oh, Coral, I forgot to tell you somethi– fuck.

MATT: Suddenly you hear a (zip) and Coral appears about ten, 15 feet in the air–

CHRIS: Oh good, there you are. Listen, did you see my broom?

MATT: Smack! Coral falls those 15 feet, taking six points of bludgeoning damage. Let’s see if Coral

survives this with Undead Fortitude. Nope. That is a roll of eight versus a total DC of 11 with the

damage taken, and Coral just splats like a really, really old orange just slammed into the concrete,

just (splatting).

TRAVIS: Like an old orange.

MATT: One of the Fire Ashari goes (cringing, gagging) and just ends up concentrating on holding

the gate.

CHRIS: I’m starting to think you’re all very bad luck.

MATT: However, that did aid the ritual. We have two more folks who could aid in this ritual.

LAURA: I can use– I don’t know if it will help, but I have a really great diamond of awesomeness

that’s precious.

MATT: How would that help the ritual?

LAURA: I don’t know.

MARISHA: Am I a part of the people who could be included in the ritual too?

MATT: Yeah. Oh yeah.

MARISHA: Okay. I am going to cast a 7th-level Plane Shift to help smush it closed.

MATT: All right, go ahead and make a nature roll with advantage. This is your understanding of

the natural elements of the world around you and the connection you have with the fire elemental plane.

LAURA: I don’t know how this magic stuff works.

TRAVIS: Oh, I’ll teach you later.

MARISHA: 12. Oh, with advantage. 23

MATT: 23. As you begin to concentrate, your hands instinctively burst into flames to coalesce your

connection to the Fire Elemental Plane. As you complete the Plane Shift spell, your form shimmers

for a second, and for a moment it looks like she’s only partially there. She’s actually translucent,

as flames begin to lick up the sides of her body. At this point, you can see the lava flow in the

mountain begins to slow and the bubbling begins to come to a stillness. The portal itself shimmers

again and then shrinks down to the size of a normal doorway, about five foot by ten foot tall,

and it’s just barely holding on. As you’re concentrating on holding it in its place, you can

see now the rest of the druids around are sweating profusely. Who wishes to take on the last part of

this ritual?

TRAVIS: I have a Firebrand Warhammer. I could hit it. Anybody else got anything better?

LAURA: Do you have any magic stuff, Scanlan?

SAM: I can inspire them. I mean…

TRAVIS: Your Dimension Door?

MARISHA: Do you have your Dimension Door?

SAM: Dimension Door what?

MARISHA: A door. I did Planar Binding, which technically really wasn’t supposed to do what I

just did–

MATT: Planar Shift you said.

MARISHA: Planar Shift, I mean, yes. 7th-level.

MATT: Finding ways to tailor magic essences into this type of a ritual.

SAM: Do I know that that will work or help?

MATT: You don’t know. You’ll find out. However you wish to aid this ritual and justify how it would

be helpful in this instance.

LIAM: There’s something I could do.

TRAVIS: Yeah, spit it up.

LIAM: I whip the Cape of the Mountebank out of my pocket and run at that door and jump off the edge

and just try to balloon umbrella it down over with that red cape.

MATT: Hmm. Okay.

LAURA: Matador it.

LIAM: I’m doing it. I’m matadoring it.

MATT: Okay. I will say– hmm. How do I make this work? I’m going to want you to go ahead and make

an acrobatics check.

LIAM: Okay. That is a 25.

MATT: All right. You rush up, leaping off the side, spinning in the air. As you, do you unfurl

the cape and turn it into a limited parachute-type projection and as you slam it down towards– I

need you to go ahead and make a wisdom check to see if you have the capability of triggering the

magic of the item at the right time to be impactful.

LIAM: Cross your fingers, everybody.

TRAVIS: Come on, Vax.

LIAM: No bonuses here.

CHRIS: No whammys.

MARISHA: We don’t still have our fancy feast, do we?

SAM: Oh, yeah, are we still feasting?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: So what does that mean? Advantage.

MARISHA: You have advantage on wisdom throws.

LIAM: That’s better. That is 13.

MATT: 13? That’s better. As you come down, you take the cape and encase, you trigger the magic,

at which point the remainder of this doorway just blinks out entirely, the cape gone. The doorway, gone.

LIAM: Hot hot hot hot hot.

MATT: As Vax (splashing) right into the lava.

MARISHA: I take a Grasping Vine from the edge and try and yank him back.

MATT: Okay. You take 22 points of fire damage as you splat into the lava.

LIAM: The Deathwalker’s Ward is set to fire.

MATT: So it resisted to 11. So you (splashing) in the lava. All of a sudden, images

flash in your head of the time that you lost most of your foot in the Underdark. And you go–

LIAM: No no no no no no no no!

MATT: And, before you can even react, all of a sudden, something wraps around your waist and

yanks you out as a vine pulls you in an arc and slams you into the hard obsidian floor on the

outside of the lava flow. The rest of you gather there as the rest of the druids finish their

concentration. The lava pools themselves have gone still and you can see elements beginning to cool,

and there’s currently no sign of a tear between the elemental planes that’s

currently bursting through.

TRAVIS: Nice job, Vax!

LIAM: Where am I, am I near her, on the ground?

MATT: She would be back here. You’re on the ground, right next to a dancing skeleton.

MARISHA: I moved up, I moved up. I would be over there.

MATT: You would be part of the ritual. But you fell next to the dancing skeleton.

LIAM: Okay, I look at the skeleton, I look at her. I look at the skeleton, I look at her.

I’m an idiot.

MARISHA: Yeah, no, I already knew that. It’s fine. You did good. You did good. I reach down and I

help him on his feet. How bad are you?

LIAM: I’m pretty bad.

MARISHA: I Cure Wounds, level four.

TRAVIS: Yeah, cool, do that. I’m going to walk out of the lava now.

(laughter)

MATT: Taking another 21 points of fire damage. Reduced to ten. The druids look around and give a

nod of acceptance. All of them acknowledge you, who they have not met and don’t understand quite

where you came from or why you’re here. One of them, who is currently missing an arm on one hand.

Dark, weathered skin, long jet black hair cruising down to the middle of his back, approaches you and

his one right arm he puts on the shoulder and says, into your eyes, “I do not know you, friend,

"but you have come to our aid at an hour when we really required it.”

CHRIS: Great, sure, I just thought I’d come and lose a couple of thralls and my fucking broom. But

great to be here. Everyone seems nice. Especially her, she’s great.

MATT: He removes his hand. “Very well.”

CHRIS: Let me know if I can do anything else! Do you want a candle?

MATT: “Candle?”

CHRIS: Well, I make candles, just various candles.

MATT: He does this and his finger bursts into flame and you can see a flame flickering. “We do

"not need candles here in Pyrah. But thank you.”

LIAM: Is that the finger? Or is that the finger?

MATT: Insinuated, actual finger. At this point, Korren, your father, approaches you and places a

hand on your shoulder, and turns you around to look you in the face. And you can see there’s

smears of dirt and still glistening from sweat from the whole ritual and looks a bit weathered

and winded from the experience. “Keyleth, I’m proud of you.”

MARISHA: Thank you, Father.

MATT: I think we will stay here and help the Pyrah try and rebuild.

MARISHA: Oh. Okay.

MATT: And he takes your chin and pulls it up and looks you in the face with a broad smile on his

face, he says, “The road before you, Keyleth, is hard and fraught with loss and sadness. To live is

"to struggle against the void. But it’s those moments of darkness that define the joy of the

"world around them. Learn from the loss and push forward as a beacon of perseverance, of hope for

"life after pain. This is one of the pillars of strength of a leader. One that I have learned with the

"loss of your mother. But you are my beacon of hope. And to many more than you even expect.” And

he looks back towards the four other members of the Zephrah tribe that are all just looking at you,

and they nod.

MARISHA: I hope I do not fail you, Father.

MATT: “I trust you will not. Go forth, while we stay here. I want you to grasp your destiny,

"vanquish this terrible beast that lies on the shores of Tal'Dorei. Complete your Aramente.”

MARISHA: How do you know that this is my destiny?

MATT: “Whatever your destiny is, grasp it. But you’ve chosen this path, and all destiny really

"is, is the choices you make, leading towards a goal that perhaps you do not yet understand. But

"when you’ve returned I wish for you to teach us the wisdom you’ve gained on this journey.”

MARISHA: Kaitiaki, father.

MATT: “Kaitiaki, Keyleth.”

CHRIS: Did you see a broom lying around anywhere?

MATT: “No.”

CHRIS: Sorry.

MATT: “It’s all right, we will keep an eye out for it though.”

CHRIS: Please. And tell everyone #feelthegern. They’ll know what it means.

SAM: What is a hashtag?

CHRIS: I’ll explain later.

SAM: All right.

MATT: “Well, unless there’s anything else, we have business to attend to in restoring this area. I

"wish you all great luck. ”

MARISHA: Korren, If we should ever need you– if I should ever need you, or the assistance of the

Ashari, what is the best way to get hold of you?

MATT: “Call to Zephrah. Come home. And we will come with you.” As he looks over all of you,

giving each a look of– a nod of respect and appreciation–

(“Don’t You” by Simple Minds plays)

LIAM: Wow.

TALIESIN: I felt it coming.

MATT: Glances past to Grog, Vex, and lingers a very long look on Vax, and just gives you a nod.

LAURA: His diamond earring is glistening in the light.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Did I stutter?

MATT: “Stay safe. For her sake.” And Korren turns around and walks back, as the rest of the Zephrah

Ashari walk along with him. You, through all this chaos, get a little bored and frustrated with all

this weird nonsensical stuff, look at the ground and realize there’s a lot of hidden treasures

scattered amongst this vicinity.

CHRIS: Probably so. You know, I might stay behind a bit and dig around for a little while. You know,

candlemaking’s a difficult business.

SAM: Is it now?

CHRIS: Aye.

TALIESIN: Well, if you’re ever looking for more customers, you’ll always find them in Whitestone.

So, if you make your way north.

CHRIS: Excellent!

TALIESIN: You’re always welcome.

CHRIS: Thank you. Could someone heal me a bit before you leave? I’m quite singed.

TALIESIN: Oh my!

LAURA: I walk up and I cast Cure Wounds on him. I’ve got jack shit.

CHRIS: She’s so nice!

SAM: She’s great.

CHRIS: She’s the nicest!

LAURA: At a level three for you!

CHRIS: That’s really nice of you.

TRAVIS: You’re a really good person.

LAURA: I am! I am. 20 points.

TRAVIS: Holy shit!

SAM: Vex?

LAURA: Yes?

SAM: This gentleman has done nothing but aid us.

LAURA: I know, and it’s so kind of him.

SAM: He’s suffered the loss of three of his–

LAURA: Look at all these treasures he’s going to find here for his candles!

SAM: Is there anything we can do to repay you?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TRAVIS: That scimitar that the genie had, did it fall into the lava?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: 18.

MATT: As you look down and say “all these treasures around,” you get a closer look. The

ground here is rugged rock and black ash and dust and pieces of charred and burnt, petrified wood,

and right around the outskirts of where the lava pool is, you can see what look to be broken slivers

of soot-covered dragon scale just peppered throughout the landscape. Barely visible until you

look real close, thanks to the constant barrage of blacken soot and dust that falls from the nearby area.

LAURA: Do you collect dragon scales for your candles?

CHRIS: Oh, I forgot to tell you. I sold out my own kind because I was enslaved by dragons who had

tails who consider themselves royalty and therefore better than me and I don’t have a tail.

And so I spent my whole life trying to figure out how to turn scales into weaponized candles. Anyway, got

to go, everyone have a great time! Thank you!

MATT: You just leave?

CHRIS: I leave! Scoop up some of the few scales and piss off.

MATT: You guys watch as Gern Blanston begins walking around and, like a gutter snipe, or one of

the people on the beach with a metal detector, starts combing through.

CHRIS: (singing) Don’t you forget about me!

LAURA: Gern! Before you leave!

CHRIS: Aye?

LAURA: You know, we’re killing a very, very large dragon, hopefully rather soon.

CHRIS: Very interesting! Where would that be?

LAURA: Well, he’s in Emon now, but we’re gathering our forces in Whitestone.

CHRIS: Good to know! I might catch up with you later on.

LAURA: All right!

CHRIS: Good-bye!

LAURA: Good-bye!

MATT: Which she says with a strange doppler effect even though he’s but 20 feet away from you and has

chosen to ignore the rest of your party to go about his business.

CHRIS: It’s just like an NPC, just Skyrim.

MATT: As your skeleton’s in the background dancing.

CHRIS: There’s only one left!

MATT: Yeah, only one left.

TALIESIN: He’s freezeframe.

MATT: There’s plenty of charred corpses littered all over this mountaintop you could make undead from.

TRAVIS: Does the skeleton go with him, or does it stay?

MATT: It follows him. All right, so the rest of you, what is your next course of action?

LIAM: I sidle up next to my sister and stand there for a moment and deadpan say, boy, the more things

change, the more they stay the same. And then I walk away.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Keyleth, why don’t we head home?

MARISHA: Which home?

SAM: How do we do that?

TRAVIS: Whitestone.

LAURA: Can we get to Whitestone, can you bamf us?

MARISHA: I can, yeah.

LAURA: Let’s go there and rest up.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Hey, thank you guys. Thanks for coming, for helping.

LAURA: Your dad is very noble.

SAM: Your homeland is, you know, I mean, the volcano, the magma, the monsters, the fire torn in

the sky, it’s lovely. It’s charming, really.

MARISHA: Thank you, Scanlan. This isn’t my homeland. I appreciate how well you know me after

all these years.

SAM: Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you lived here.

MARISHA: No, this is the Fire Ashari’s camp.

SAM: You’re not a Fire Ashari?

MARISHA: I’m an Air Ashari.

LIAM: It’s all right, it’s only been a couple of years.

SAM: Aren’t all Ashari the same?

MARISHA: You know what, Scanlan, that might be the most questions you’ve ever asked me about myself.

SAM: I don’t even know your last name!

MARISHA: I don’t have one.

SAM: Hey, what’s a hashtag?

LAURA: Hey, Gern! Gern! Gern! Gern!

CHRIS: Hello?

LAURA: Is it just dragon scales, or is it any dragon parts you use?

CHRIS: You know, mainly dragon scales, but I do like to see them blown apart, so that part’s

merely for pleasure.

TRAVIS: You could give him five pounds of dragon scales.

MARISHA: I pick a tree that’s big enough to fit all of our fat faces.

MATT: You already cast Transport via Plants this day, that’s how you got here.

MARISHA: Maybe we should rest.

TRAVIS: Do you need me to help you with the tree spell?

LAURA: Maybe we should just sleep here and rest up and spend the night, wake up in the morning, head

back to Whitestone.

TALIESIN: He’s going to still be there next week, by the way.

MATT: And with that, Vox Machina leaves Gern to his business as they go and camp out at the base

of the mountain.

CHRIS: Did someone lose an orb?

MATT: And with that, we’re going to finish tonight’s game!

(laughter)

CHRIS: Can I say something from this realm?

MATT: Yeah.

CHRIS: I’m delighted. We showed a thing tonight on @Midnight of someone lounge singing Stand By Me to

Donald Trump and putting the name Donald in there, so I told everyone, please tweet that to @Wilw, and

people are fucking doing it.

TRAVIS: That’s amazing.

CHRIS: So, if you find the guy singing a very poor rendition of Stand by Me to Donald Trump, please

send it to Wil Wheaton, he’ll love it! Favorite thing in the world!

MATT: You heard it, guys. Critters’ call to action. Make it happen.

CHRIS: #FeelTheGern.

LIAM: CritterStrong.

SAM: Feel the Gern.

MATT: All right, well, guys. Chris, thank you so much for coming and hanging out with us.

CHRIS: Thank you, this was so much fun!

TALIESIN: A week without crying!

TRAVIS: Feel the Gern!

CHRIS: The best DM in the world! This is a wonderful party, and you’re all fantastic. Thank

you so much. I’m not even upset that you stole my broom.

LAURA: Don’t judge me, Scanlan, you didn’t see me do it!

SAM: I didn’t! I didn’t!

LAURA: Sam’s just judging.

SAM: I’m judging you, Laura Bailey.

(laughter)

MATT: There is a definite distinction.

LIAM: Don’t worry, everyone will judge you when you take it out and use it for the first time.

SAM: Vex is fine. Laura Bailey? Awful.

TRAVIS: She’s wanted to fly so much.

LIAM: Beat him by one.

MATT: Well, thank you all so very much for watching tonight. Hope you enjoyed tonight’s

episode. We return next Thursday, 7PM Pacific time once again to pick up the next length of Vox

Machina’s journey. Everyone, show your love on Twitter to Chris, @hardwick. Thank you again for

coming and being an amazing wizard for all of us. And is it Thursday yet? See some of you guys

tomorrow, and if not, next week.

TRAVIS: Peace out!