Transcript:Ghosts, Dinosaurs, and Stuff

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

TRAVIS: (hollering) We play Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT: Vibrato, thank you. I always wonder where it's going to go. Before we jump into tonight's episode, we're going to go ahead and go through some announcements if you don't mind. The first is our first sponsor for the night which is NordVPN.

LIAM: Nord.

MATT: Sam, if you don't-- Sam? Sam was supposed--

LIAM: Oh, Matt? I'm sorry. If I may, Blackwillow69@aol.com and Cryptonic Override were tricked by the Cereal Killer about four months ago. Remember, they tried to defeat the Ultra Kodex and were banished inside the internet.

MATT: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, wait, but then how are we supposed to, like, do this NordVPN sponsorship, then, if we don't have either of them, and also, what are Sam and Laura doing now if they're not here?

(electronic music)

LAURA: Blackwillow69, we've been trapped in the dark web for nano-days. Where in the cyber code are we now?

SAM: It's hard to say, Cryptonic Override. The Cereal Killer is so jacked in, he could've uploaded us anywhere. The brony web, DARPAnet, heck, we might even be in Bing, where no one goes.

LAURA: Watch out! Incoming meme cluster.

(dog barking)

(digital beeping)

SAM and LAURA: (grunting)

(keyboard clacking)

(beep, beep, beep)

(beep)

SAM: Oh no! A virus firewall. We've got to hack through it. Whoa! (digital lasers firing) Laser sword! (grunts)

(horse neighs)

(glass shatters) (cat cries)

LAURA: Wow, now that was some spearfishing, Blackwillow. You pwned that trojan horse.

SAM: Me? I've never seen a cube gleamed IRL before. Cryptonic Override FTW.

LAURA: You know what? We make a pretty elite team.

SAM: Live by the code, die by the code. Am I right?

SAM and LAURA: Hackz0rs click together.

LAURA: We've got to get to safety.

SAM: Yeah, you're right, you're right.

LAURA: Look, I think somehow we've managed to port into Dani Carr's Pinterest account.

SAM: Whoa, it's adorable.

LAURA: So cute.

SAM: We'll be safe here for a while, but to get out of the dark net we need someone to unjack us from the Ultra Kodex.

LAURA: But only a class C12 Hackmaster could achieve such a move, and they would definitely need NordVPN. Where can we find someone like that?

SAM: Huh. Hmm.

LIAM: [inaudible] (laughter)

ASHLEY: Boy.

TALIESIN: Damn it. I swore I was through with my hacker past, but I guess it's time to boot up and suit up.

TRAVIS: (gasps)

TALIESIN: Right now, NordVPN has a special offer: a three year plan with 70% off, plus an additional month free if you sign up at https://NordVPN.com/criticalrole, https://NordVPN.com/criticalrole, or use a coupon code, Critical Role, at checkout! Now, I'm going to use it for one last slice!

ASHLEY: Whoa!

(laughter)

MATT: Okay. I guess... tune in next episode? They're-- They're episodes now, why? Why are-- okay. Cool, thanks, guys and thank you, NordVPN.

LIAM: Yay!

(laughter)

MATT: Okay, our second sponsor tonight, (laughs) our friends at D&D Beyond. They've been with us since the beginning of the campaign, and happy to have you along for the return to this chaos. If you guys haven't had a chance check it out yet, it's an amazing online digital tool for all of your D&D campaign needs both as a player and a DM, and you can now pre-order the new announced D&D story campaign book coming out soon of the Icewind Dale, Rime of the Frost Maiden. I wanted to make sure I got the name right on that one, which Icewind Dale is good shit, anyway You can get it now on D&D Beyond for a pre-order and immediately unlock six character sheet backgrounds and unique digital dice for the setting, which is cool. The release includes 50 brand new monsters, over 26 terrifying locations, and 320 pages of modern horror. So check it out now at D&D Beyond. That's dndbeyond.link/icewind. All righty, I think those are our sponsorships. We have some quick announcements to get through. Marisha, you had something you wanted to talk about.

MARISHA: Yes, so, you all should join us next Tuesday, July 21st at 4:00pm Pacific for our next episode-- it's never not weird-- of Narrative Telephone. (cheering) Featuring a story, which we have all definitely heard, from Travis Willingham.

ASHLEY: Oh, yeah, woo, so hard.

SAM: Oh, it was so good. The twists, the turns.

ASHLEY: Oh, man, what a crazy story.

TRAVIS: Yeah, the layers.

MARISHA: Brutal.

ASHLEY: So many layers.

TRAVIS: All the different facial expressions.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

LAURA: All of those.

MATT: The costumes I wore.

SAM: I think we all do.

MATT: That kind of threw me for a loop.

LIAM: The first one we got to the end perfectly.

TRAVIS: The stage blood substitutions that you guys had were really ingenious.

MARISHA: Well, I thought the inclusion of a musical number was really inspired.

TRAVIS: Somebody had to do, right?

ASHLEY: That's true. Somebody had to do it.

MATT: Well done.

MARISHA: Yeah. Check it out this Tuesday, and the VOD, of course, will be available immediately for our Twitch channel subscribers and will be on YouTube on Thursday as usual. Yeah!

(laughter)

MATT: Perfect, thank you, Marisha.

MARISHA: Nailed it.

MATT: Laura, you had something to talk about.

LAURA: I did have something to talk about.

MATT: Yes, you did!

LAURA: In case you guys missed it a few weeks ago, we introduced this Funko Pop!

TRAVIS: She's so pretty.

LAURA: It's Vex.

TRAVIS: She's so pretty on a broom.

LAURA: I'm going to take it out of the box.

SAM: You're going to unbox it?

LAURA: Yeah, I'm going to unbox myself.

SAM: It's going to lose half its value.

LAURA: So yeah, this-- Ah, she almost fell. This beauty will be available. I got to read where it's going to be. It's going to be available at Best Buy!

LIAM: Wow.

(laughter)

LAURA: And at funko.com.

SAM: You had to read that?

LAURA: On July 22, you guys.

LIAM: It's going to be at Best... Buy.

ASHLEY: Best Buy.

LAURA: Best Buy! That's me! Shut up.

TRAVIS: I can't believe you had to read that.

LAURA: I didn't believe it. So there you go. Check it out.

MATT: Fantastic.

LAURA: Oh my god.

SAM: It's a Funko.

TRAVIS: She's gorgeous.

LAURA: Thanks.

SAM: She really is.

LAURA: It's got a witch hat, Sam.

SAM: I know, I'm so excited about that.

TRAVIS: Is she holding a little coin in her hand?

LAURA: She's holding a little coin.

TRAVIS: She's happy.

LIAM: That is funking incredible.

ASHLEY: Hey.

MATT: And on that note, thank you, Laura. I believe that brings us to the end of our announcements, and as such, let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

(growling) (water bubbling) (thunder rumbling) (explosion thunders) ♪ Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Mighty Nein ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware 'cause you're about to be dead ♪ ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don't see over there ♪ ♪ There's a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting, rise up, don't think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands, ♪ take a chance, ♪ ♪ roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Critical Role (roll the dice) ♪ ♪ Critical Role (roll the dice) ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call ♪ ♪ Diggin' deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it's your turn (your turn, your turn) ♪ ♪ To roll ♪

(flames roaring)

Part I
MATT: And welcome back.

SAM: Maybe.

TRAVIS: Not even close.

MATT: Welcome back. So last we left off: The Mighty Nein had made their way towards Rumblecusp to prepare for the coming day of Traveler Con. Upon arriving at the strange island noticing a strange mist and a dreamlike quality to elements of its unexpected topography. You encountered a village of individuals there from all over Exandria that had a difficult time recalling their pasts, but seemed exuberant and happy with their current day lifestyle here on the island worshiping a fire entity, a god, if you will, that existed within Rumblecusp's volcano itself. You, after meeting with and staying the night with these individuals, learned a little bit about their culture, learned a little bit about the mystery of where they may have come from and what they do not know or recall, and you chose to go ahead and travel on foot through the jungle path to meet with this Vokodo, this fire god of the island, to ask permission to bring the Traveler and the various other Traveler followers to the island, and you are being accompanied by the spiritual guardian of the village of the people there, Viridian, a druid figure that seems to be the protector of the people there. You've traveled extensively for hours through the jungle, passed by various dangers, watched as the landscape itself grew darker and strangely colder, dark pits filling the space between the heavy root network and dark tar-like liquid upon which most of you managed to avoid. Caduceus had not quite so luck twice in a row, falling into the jaws of the creatures that existed within. Pushing deeper into this darker shaded portion of the jungle and learning about different elements of the island itself being an odd jigsaw puzzle of places that probably shouldn't exist on an island let alone this one. You came across the sound of something creepy, like a sobbing sound in the distance.

MARISHA: It sounded so sad.

MATT: I know, and upon going to investigate, Beauregard quietly threw some ball bearings towards the source of this creature and then decided to join it in its sorrow. Upon which, it seemed a bit perturbed by your presence and began to make itself very aggressively known.

ASHLEY: I don't think it was a bad idea.

MARISHA: Thank you.

MATT: And that is where we left off. I need you all to roll initiative.

LAURA: Like right on?!

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

ASHLEY: Ah, jeez.

TALIESIN: Gosh darn it.

TRAVIS: Okay, ready.

SAM: Gosh darn it.

ASHLEY: Gosh dandruff.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay.

SAM: Oh, we're doing this. We're going into combat. I'm going to say that this combat combat cam is powered by Dwarven Forge. You will not want to miss the new Dwarven Forge Wildlands Kickstarter. Join their mailing list as soon as it launches, dwarvenforge.com/wildlands. (exclaiming)

TRAVIS: Look how good it looks!

MARISHA: Yeah, it looks so good!

TRAVIS: It looks so good! Oh, there are tar pools.

MARISHA: Yeah, is that what that is?

MATT: Yep, those are the various pools of that tar-like liquid.

LIAM: What Caduceus kept getting his foot stuck in.

MARISHA: Just like the La Brea Tar Pits. Yes!

TRAVIS: They're kind of sentient.

ASHLEY: We'll go there some time.

MARISHA: Steve can tell us all about it.

LAURA: -- in the bottom.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's right, that's right, that's right.

MATT: Now, the rest of you are who are holding back for the time being, whereabouts are you standing?

LAURA: I don't know, which way did we come from?

TRAVIS: Which direction were we coming, towards you?

MATT: You guys were heading this direction around this way and then began moving this way to investigate where the sound was coming from.

MARISHA: Oh, man, he's already base to base with me.

TRAVIS: I will-- Does anybody have any--

LAURA: Can I be up on the--

SAM: No, you go first, Fjord.

LAURA: Oh, sorry, yeah, you go first.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll swing this side.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Yeah, down by that pool bank, if I can.

SAM and TALIESIN: ♪ Down by the pool bank ♪

MATT: One more down this way?

TRAVIS: To your right. Yeah, thank you.

MATT: You got it.

LAURA: I'll be on this rock on my corner.

MATT: Back this way?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I realize putting myself near a pool probably sucks.

SAM: No, it's fine.

LAURA: Yeah, you can just be pushed right into it. Pretty awesome.

TALIESIN: You got one save, right? You can do one little hop.

TRAVIS: I'm part mermaid, it's cool.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: Can I go, which one is this?

TALIESIN: Is that canon?

SAM: Can I go near this tree?

MATT: Sure, you guys, we'll say, scattered out a little bit as Beauregard began to investigate this. Most of you guys would probably be on the side. You would not have had enough time to encircle the entire space.

TRAVIS: God, how do we play?

LIAM: I will go behind this big thick tree right here.

MATT: Right here?

SAM: Oh yeah, but we were togetherish, right?

LAURA: Yeah, we were.

SAM: It doesn't make sense that we spread out. So put me closer to Jester.

MATT: Okay, so, I'll put you over in this space?

SAM: Yeah, near that tree. Yeah, perfect, great. That makes more sense.

MATT: Caduceus?

TALIESIN: Where's Beau?

LAURA: Hi, Veth.

MATT: Beau is right there.

SAM: Oh, hi.

TALIESIN: Okay, I would've probably been about half way to Beau. So, well, I would've been on the other side of that pool because fuck those things. Here, let me. MATT: Where abouts? That's what the laser pointers are for.

TALIESIN: See that weird little-- oh god, this is hilarious. See that little circle?

MATT: Right here?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I would've been behind that stone.

MATT: Okay, like right there?

TALIESIN: Yeah, about there.

MATT: Okay, Yasha.

ASHLEY: Okay, so, I feel like I was kind of near Caduceus.

MATT: So possibly over on this space?

ASHLEY: Yeah, so, I'll hang around. Yeah, I'll hang out by the tar pool. Why not?

MATT: You got it. It's a little chilly.

TALIESIN: Strength saves to get out.

MARISHA: You look like everyone's favorite aunt right now. I love you so much.

(laughter)

MATT: That's pretty great.

ASHLEY: Listen, the glasses don't work with the outfit, but--

TRAVIS: They do, shut up.

TALIESIN: Agree to disagree.

MARISHA: You definitely teach drama at the local middle school.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: All right, 25 to 20.

SAM: Yeah, 22.

TRAVIS and LAURA: Nice.

MATT: 22, nice. Veth. All right.

LAURA: Oh no.

SAM: Oh boy.

LIAM: What medium do you sculpt in?

TALIESIN: Papier-mâché.

SAM: Papier-mâché, totally.

MATT: 20 to 15.

MARISHA: 18.

TRAVIS: 15. Oh shit.

SAM: Has this--

ASHLEY: I had advantage, too.

SAM: Well, I'll get to that in a second.

LAURA: So that was Nott, Fjord--

MATT: 14 to 10.

TRAVIS: Nott, Beau, Fjord.

ASHLEY: 13.

LAURA: 10.

ASHLEY: Okay.

LAURA: Nott, Beau, Fjord?

TRAVIS: Yeah, Nott, Beau, Fjord, Yasha, and then Jester?

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Hey, Liam.

LIAM: Hi, Tal.

MATT: Okay, 10 to five?

LIAM: Mighty nine!

TALIESIN: Six.

ASHLEY: I'm after Fjord?

LIAM: Six and nine.

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Nice.

TRAVIS: Caleb and Caduceus, right?

SAM: (stage whisper) That's a sex thing.

MATT: All righty, so, top of the round as this strange, elongated, gray, fleshy, undead entity is now faced right in front of Beauregard. Its rotted shawl that rests over the top part of its torso revealing this kind of sunken head, noseless, these black, eyeless sockets with this strange shine on the inside of them, and this is elongated, howling mouth of darkness right in front going (sucking gasp). Veth, you're up first.

SAM: It hasn't made an aggressive move yet, right?

MATT: Not yet.

TRAVIS: I can barely see.

SAM: I'm far away.

MATT: But it's aggressive in the sense that it just (swishes) appeared right in front of Beauregard.

SAM: That's scary, but Beauregard is the coolest. So I'm going to play it safe, and (startles) I'm going to cast Spider Climb on myself--

ASHLEY: Nice.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: -- and scurry up that tree next to me.

MATT: You got it. Is that concentration?

SAM: Probably. Why, was I doing something else?

MATT: No, I'm just--

SAM: It says touch. It does not say-- oh, it is concentration, yes.

MATT: Okay. I'm just putting that on there for you there. All righty.

SAM: Scurry up that tree and if I can, bonus action, sort of hide in those-- the foliage.

MATT: I'll allow it. Go for it. Go ahead and roll a stealth check for me, if you don't mind. Halfling's too tiny.

SAM: 27.

MATT: You're pretty hidden.

SAM: And then I will wait. I'm looking at Beau to see if she looks scared or--

MARISHA: No.

SAM: She's fine, she's fine. I'm ready.

MATT: Okay, you got it. So you're holding your action just in case something--

SAM: There is no action to hold. I'm just waiting.

MATT: Oh, that's right because you cast, so you're just waiting. All right, so, on the initiative count 20, you watch as these little flickering flames kind of (whooshing thumps) out of the black, tar-like substances around, and these strange, little, eerie, blue flame lights begin to rise out. These faint, little, bobbing, blue flames.

ASHLEY: Well, that's not a good sign.

LAURA: Like little will-o'-wisps?

MATT: Something like that, you could say.

TRAVIS: They're farts underneath the water.

TALIESIN: More like kill-o'-wisps, am I right?

LAURA: (laughs exaggeratedly) That's the best one you've ever had, Caduceus.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I'm ashamed of myself.

MATT: They then immediately begin to drift towards the nearest source of life.

MARISHA: Yeah. Like will-o'-wisps.

LAURA: Uh-oh.

MARISHA: That's great.

LAURA: Uh-oh.

TRAVIS: Source of light or life? Because I'm kind of dark inherently.

SAM: (laughs) Just your personality?

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SAM: You're super dark.

TRAVIS: So moody.

MATT: So as part of that. Against you, Fjord, it's going to go ahead and attempt to (swooshes) dart in your direction, like, towards your shoulder area, like it's about to just butt in towards your torso.

TRAVIS: (yells)

MATT: Ooh, that's a 24 to hit.

TRAVIS: That definitely hits.

MATT: All righty, you take 13 points of lightning damage as it shocks you.

SAM: Lightning!

MATT: It comes into contact with you and as it does, this jolt arcs through your body as a bit of your life force seems to have been (puffs) pulled out from the impact.

TRAVIS: Let me give it to you. (shuddering yell)

MATT: There you go, perfect. Thank you.

MARISHA: Nice.

MATT: The one moving towards you, Yasha. That's going to be a 19 to hit.

TRAVIS: That'll gif well.

ASHLEY: (blows) 19 hits.

MATT: All righty. You take eight points of lightning damage as it also swoops in towards your body, and you try and move out of the way, and you technically dodge its impact, but it's about a foot away and, still, these arcs of lightning (sizzles) arc off of it and blast to your body, and you feel your muscles tense from the pain as you pull away and the sparks dissipate.

TRAVIS: No saves, by the way.

SAM: Oh.

MATT: Caduceus.

SAM: Those were just a melee attack.

MARISHA: Lightning attack.

MATT: Yeah, it's rolling to hit you.

TALIESIN: I don't think I'm next.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's right, yeah.

MATT: No, it's attacking you--

TALIESIN: Oh, okay, that's fine.

MATT: That's going to be a 17 to hit.

TALIESIN: That misses.

MATT: It does, nice! So as this one now comes towards you, you bring the shield up and the electricity actually arcs off the exterior metal parts of the shield. It absorbs it, no actual damage done to you.

TALIESIN: I can't use one of the Shield-- boy, I'm out of it-- Shield of Retribution on this?

MATT: If you'd like to. If you have the ability to do so.

LAURA: You're coordinating so well right now, Taliesin.

TALIESIN: Sure.

MATT: Beau, you're on deck, by the way.

LAURA: The hair and his shirt and his backdrop.

LIAM: Backdrop.

TALIESIN: "When a creature misses you with a melee attack--" It's not a melee attack, is it? Or is it? Was that a melee attack?

MATT: It was, yes.

TALIESIN: So I use my reaction to blast him with arcane force. You get 4d6 damage.

TRAVIS: Ooh!

MATT: All right, go ahead and roll damage.

SAM: That's hardcore.

TALIESIN: It's pretty cool, it's pretty cool. There we are.

LAURA: I think these are undead.

MATT: This is force damage, you said, right?

TALIESIN: Arcane-- force damage.

MATT: Yep.

TALIESIN: So that's (counting)--

TRAVIS: Sure feels like a good candidate.

TALIESIN: 14 points of force damage.

MATT: 14 points.

TALIESIN: And a strength saving throw.

MATT: Strength saving throw. It rolled a natural 20--

ALL: Ooh!

MATT: -- but with the modifier, it's a 15.

SAM: It has a negative five?

TALIESIN: That's my spell save, right? Spell save is 17.

MATT: Is there not one put on the shield?

TALIESIN: That's actually a good question. Hold on. No, a strength saving throw or be pushed. Oh wait-- no.

MATT: Okay, if you can't find one, for now we'll use yours. So, yeah, we'll say it works.

TALIESIN: Pushed 20 feet away from me.

MATT: All right, so it gets pushed.

TRAVIS: Look how pretty those trees are, you guys.

MATT: It jams into the tree behind and vanishes inside of it before slowly emerging from the outer side, right below where Nott is.

TALIESIN: Jerk.

ASHLEY: Nice.

MATT: All righty, now, Beau, it is your turn.

MARISHA: Okay, so this thing just--

MATT: At the top of your turn,

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: Uh-oh.

MATT: I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

MARISHA: Why?

TRAVIS: Because it's got a big ol' mouth.

LIAM: Yep,

SAM: Oh, no.

MATT: Because you are now staring directly into its gaping face.

TRAVIS: Really, that's the problem?

LIAM: It's kind of depressing to look at.

MARISHA: Oh, that's real bad, seven.

MATT: Seven!

SAM: But can't you do monk stuff?

MATT: Oh no.

TRAVIS: Oh no!

MATT: You guys watch as Beauregard puts her fists up, looks into its face, and her eyes go white, and she drops to the ground, unconscious.

TRAVIS: No!

ASHLEY: What?!

LIAM: You just dropped.

TRAVIS: Unconscious?!

MATT: You're at zero hit points.

TRAVIS: My dope monk shit can't fix that.

SAM: Oh shit.

ASHLEY: What?

SAM: Is she rolling death saves or she's just out and stable? We don't know?

MATT: You don't know.

SAM: We don't know.

MATT: So, Beau, it's the end of your turn. I need you to roll a death saving throw.

MARISHA: Well, that answered the question.

SAM: Well, that answered that.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Death save, 12.

MATT: 12, okay. That's one success on you there. Fjord, you're up. Yasha, you're on deck.

MARISHA: This is the last time I try to relate to somebody.

TRAVIS: Don't you come to me that fast! All right. I will run over to Beau, use all 30 feet to get on over there.

MATT: (counting)

SAM: Does that thing get to attack him or anything?

TRAVIS: Yeah, so I get a attack of opportunity from the flame?

MATT: Yes, it does. It gets one strike on you as a reaction. That is going to be a 12 to hit.

TRAVIS: That misses!

MATT: Yep. (whooshes) Manage to just avoid the arc's energy, (sizzles) goes across the ground, and you dodge right out of the way as you rush around and head towards Beauregard.

TRAVIS: I see Beau fall to the ground, and I go into a baseball slide, and I slide across the ground, and I place a hand on her, and I'll do Lay on Hands--

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: Fuck, yes.

TRAVIS: -- and restore two hit points.

MATT: Okay, there you go. Hey, that's conscious.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MARISHA: I'll take it.

LIAM: Just a defibrillator. Can't say that word.

TRAVIS: That's my action, as my bonus action, I'll look up and cast Hexblade's Curse right in its face.

MATT: Right on its face, you got it.

TRAVIS: On the thing, yeah.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: As you, on the ground, you see Beauregard (gasping) come to life with a deep breath. As you turn your hand back towards it, you see its face. It's already put into shadow, these little green veins begin to reach up inside, glowing the underside of its neck, and that represents your Hexblade's Curse. The element of the Wild Mother drawing into its necrotic presence to dig deeper into its body.

TRAVIS: Is it just darkness in its mouth?

MATT: Yeah, it's just a void of darkness.

LAURA: That's terrifying.

MATT: That finish your turn, Fjord?

TRAVIS: It does. Yeah, it's my max move.

MATT: Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay, so, I'm going to run over to Beau.

MATT: Okay, up to just to back of her, or--?

ASHLEY: I kind of-- Let me go to where I could maybe also attack?

MATT: Yeah, you have the enough movement to do that with Beauregard over here.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Plus I have Mobile, too.

MATT: There, yeah, we got two people with 50 speed movement. It's crazy. The will-o'-wisp does get an attack of opportunity on you as you dart out of its space. Ooh, wow, that's a 21 to hit.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: You take 11 points of lightning damage as you feel it hit you from behind, but you just grit your teeth and keep running.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to lean down to Beau and use Healing Hands on her, which will heal you for 12 hit points.

SAM: What, what is this?

TRAVIS: It's not a competition, okay?

ASHLEY: It's a competition. (laughter) Okay, so--

MARISHA: Oh, yeah, keep tapping me.

ASHLEY: And then-- do I-- bonus attack. I'm going to attack it.

LAURA: (singing Yakety Sax)

MATT: Your Healing Hands is an action?

ASHLEY: It's an action.

MATT: So you have no action to attack.

ASHLEY: I can't do that, that's fine. I'm going to just hover over Beau.

MATT: Okay, you still have a bonus action if you want to do anything.

LAURA: (whispering) Can you rage?

TRAVIS: I think you can rage as a bonus, right?

ASHLEY: Ooh, thank you. I'm going to rage.

MATT: Okay, there you go. I know it's been a while. ♪ It's been a while ♪

TRAVIS: I got you, fam.

MATT: All righty, so,

ASHLEY: Thanks, guys.

MATT: So as you get up, now both Fjord and Yasha flanking Beauregard staring at this creature, you feel the adrenaline surge through your system, and your eyes narrow, your teeth grit.

TRAVIS: Being able to get the fuck out of here.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: It's now the creature's turn, if you're done.

LAURA: Oh, god.

TRAVIS: Cool, all three of us, hey.

MARISHA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'm done.

MATT: The creature now hasn't really moved its head from where Beauregard dropped. As you guys moved in, it still stood there, still. Okay. Its head turns in one rapid motion. You don't even see the transition. Its head is just suddenly facing forward.

LAURA: Oh, no, I hate that.

MATT: I need you to make--

LAURA: That's Ring girl shit.

MATT: -- a constitution saving throw for me, Fjord.

SAM: That's Travis' favorite.

MARISHA: It's going to be bad.

TRAVIS: That's actually not terrible. That's cocked.

MATT: Cocked, yeah.

TRAVIS: Ugh. Terrible, nine.

MATT: Nine. As you look into its open mouth, you hear this horrible sucking sound that gets higher pitched, and as it does, all of the world around you just goes dark, and you feel this horrible burning sound as something is pulled from you from the inside. You suffer--

SAM: Not dead, not dead.

MATT: Let's see here.

ASHLEY: What the heck is this thing?

LAURA: I hate it.

ASHLEY: Me, too!

TRAVIS: Less dice, please. Less dice, small number. I am friend.

MATT: 48 points of necrotic damage.

TRAVIS: (splutters) (laughter)

MATT: As your vision goes into this dark tunnel and then returns, your whole body is pulsing with intense pain rooted deep in your system that you haven't felt before, and you feel like a part of you is just gone.

TRAVIS: (laughs) I'm just sad.

SAM: We avoided a dragon turtle, and we just walked up to this one.

(laughter)

LAURA: Bet it changed your max hit points.

MATT: It just stands there, looking at Fjord still. It doesn't look afraid, it's not moving. It's just waiting for you to come to it. That brings us to Jester's turn. Caleb, you're on deck.

LIAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: We need to get the fuck out.

MARISHA: Yeah, we should just go.

SAM: Jessie, you're up.

LAURA: I just thought of something, and it's so not appropriate and I want to do it.

MATT: Do it.

LAURA: No, because everybody's in danger.

MATT: That's the best time to do something inappropriate.

LAURA: I'm going to run forward and get in front of Caduceus so I'm within 30 feet.

MATT: 25, 30, you can't quite get in front of him. You can get over here, maybe, but you'll be in melee with the will-o'-wisp.

LAURA: That's okay.

MATT: You have to get over the trunk to get over there, anyway.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So you can get there.

LAURA: Okay, hold on because this-- oh, god. This changes what I was going to do. This is dumb.

SAM: Use Vex's broom to fly over there. LAURA: Zoom! Hold on.

SAM: Dumb is the best, do dumb.

TRAVIS: (laughs) I love the check in, like the visual look of "Hey, is this okay?" We don't know what it is.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: "It's okay, right?" What is it?

MATT: What you got, Laura?

SAM: While she's thinking, we must admire your shirt for a moment.

LAURA: This is so stupid! I'm going to try to use the Wand of Smiles on it.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, all right, all right.

MARISHA: I am so here for this.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: What's the saving throw it has to make?

MARISHA: It feels adjacent to what I was doing.

LAURA: Oh god, oh no, that's so terrible! It's a low save! It's a real low save!

MATT: If you don't want to do it, you don't have to do it.

LAURA: I'm not going to do it!

SAM: Do it!

LAURA: No, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to Turn Undead. I'm going to Destroy Undead.

MATT: Okay, all right.

LAURA: I have no idea if these are undead.

MATT: The save on that is?

LAURA: 17.

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: That's cocked. That's a nine.

LAURA: Oh, then they fail it.

MATT: They do.

LAURA: Are they undead?

MATT: It is undead, yes. But at what--

LAURA: At-- okay, okay.

TRAVIS: Wait, but there was a but.

MATT: Well, the Destroy Undead itself has a specific--

LAURA: Destroy Undead happens if it's a-- two or lower.

LIAM: Challenge Rating.

MATT: Yeah, it's much higher DC that that,

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

MATT: But it does turn it.

LAURA: Yes, I don't know if the will-o'-wisp thingies are undead either, but anything within 30 feet of me.

MATT: Within 30 feet of you? So the one that's right in front of you.

LIAM: You turned the big one?

TALIESIN: There's a couple.

MATT: And there's one that's underneath Veth. So they will both make saves--

TRAVIS: Had a little too many vegetables.

MATT: -- and both fail!

LAURA: Okay! That's something.

TALIESIN: What's their Challenge Rating?

MATT: Those wisps, you watch as the two flames that are flickering there-- (poof) and the lights are snuffed.

ASHLEY and MARISHA: Yes!

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: All right, all right.

TALIESIN: So this thing on its turn--

TRAVIS: Away?

TALIESIN: Full fucking speed away from us.

SAM: I broke my feet.

TRAVIS: Away from Jester or all of us?

TALIESIN: Away from Jester.

LAURA: Away from me.

TRAVIS: Ooh, this island's fucking weird.

SAM: Did the big bad take any damage?

LAURA: He got turned but he didn't get destroyed.

TALIESIN: Yeah, he's going to run.

TRAVIS: Somebody turned the power off to the island, and the dinosaurs are running amok.

(laughter)

MATT: So that finish your turn, Jester? That was your movement, your action, you have a bonus still.

LAURA: For my bonus action, can I do a spell?

MATT: Yeah, because Channel Divinity is not a spell.

TRAVIS: Somebody find Dennis Nedry.

LAURA: Oh, great, then I'm going to--

MARISHA: UNIX! I know this. LAURA: For my bonus action, I'm going to cast Spiritual Weapon at 4th-level, so it's got my serrated lollipop.

MATT: Slick, and we'll put it right on the other, next to Fjord?

LAURA: I'm going to put it-- yeah, next to the guy.

TRAVIS: ♪ I'm going to make your lollipop ♪

LAURA: But I want to look and see if I hit him, does it break the turn undead? It's not like that, it's not like a charm.

TALIESIN: I don't think it does. I think there's nothing, it's just run no matter what.

LAURA: It's just got it. So I'm going to try to hit him.

MATT: Let me double check on that one.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: ♪ I'mma take you to the candy shop. ♪

LAURA: "If the creature fails its saving throw against turn undead--"

MATT: Turns for one minute, or until it takes any damage.

LAURA: "-- or until it takes any damage." Okay, okay, okay. So I'll just protect my friends with my spiritual weapon, but I won't hit it.

MATT: Okay, there you go. That finishes Jester's turn.

TRAVIS: Nice.

MATT: Caleb, you're up. Caduceus, you're on deck.

TRAVIS: High five.

LIAM: Are there any of the glowing blue balls left?

MATT: None that you can see.

LIAM: Shoot, so, I'm behind this tree. I saw none of that. I don't know what's going on. So he would step out diagonally to his right to see what is going on.

MATT: You look over here, and you can immediately see there is Beauregard on the ground, eyes open and just getting up to her elbows from a prone position. Yasha and Fjord both there facing off with this creature, Jester's spiritual weapon apparates in the air, but isn't taking any notion yet, and that's all you see.

LIAM: Okay, so seeing that and calculating very quickly, I will start muttering and take a bite of licorice root and cast Haste on Beauregard.

TRAVIS: Nice.

MATT: Okay, gotcha. So, Beau, you are hasted.

TRAVIS: Yes.

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: We'll put a blue one on you. That's fun.

MARISHA: That's speed times two?

MATT: Speed times two.

LIAM: Your AC goes up.

MATT: By two.

LIAM: You get an extra action.

MATT: I think advantage on dex saves? Is that how it works?

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: And yeah, the extra action for a single attack or anything else you want to try.

LIAM: Plus two to AC.

MARISHA: Plus two to AC.

LIAM: Advantage on dex saves.

MARISHA: Oh, yes, you're the best.

LIAM: Additional action on each turn.

MATT: You got it. So that's 10 feet of movement.

LIAM: "The action can be used only to take the attack, dash, disengage, hide--" Yeah, 10 feet of movement, and I'll go back behind the tree.

TRAVIS: I love playing this fucking game. Look at these guys.

LIAM: 76 hit points, everybody.

TRAVIS: It's so great.

MATT: All right, Caduceus, you're up. At the beginning of your turn,

MARISHA: Oh, I can do this. I can do this.

MATT: I need you to make a constitution saving throw for me, please.

LAURA: Caduceus, why Caduceus?

TRAVIS: Because he can see it?

MATT: You glance past and you can see into its eyes. You can see this dark black hole--

TALIESIN: Can it do that even when under Turn Undead?

MATT: Yeah, it's not-- It's not an action it takes.

TALIESIN: Okay, It's just a thing.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

TALIESIN: 20.

SAM: Oh wow.

MATT: Okay, all right.

TALIESIN: I think I do take half damage or something like that.

LIAM: You're going to be okay.

LAURA: We're going to be fine, we're going to be fine.

MATT: Okay, so nothing happens. You're fine. You do gather, as you pull your eyes away from it for a second, that there is something about its gaze, something about its eyes and that connection that tried to reach into your soul and you just managed to shrug it off. So what are you doing with your turn?

TALIESIN: I'm going to yell at everybody: Don't look at its eyes, don't look at its eyes! Don't look in there, oh man.

MARISHA: It's his mouth. His eyes were very pretty. It's his mouth.

TALIESIN: And let's see--

TRAVIS: You got a purdy mouth. (laughter)

ASHLEY: You got a purdy mouth.

MATT: That's the best post-date conversation. It's not the eyes, it's the mouth.

TALIESIN: And I'm going to cast Bless at 3rd-level--

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: -- for myself, Beau, Fjord, Jester, and Yasha. Just everyone who's in the thick of it.

SAM: Smart, smart.

ASHLEY: What is it?

TALIESIN: You get an extra d4 on--

MATT: Attacks and saving throws.

TALIESIN: -- attacks and saves.

MATT: Okay, so who was it? Yasha, Beau, and who else?

TALIESIN: Myself, Yasha, Beau, Fjord, Jester. Everyone who's in the midst.

TRAVIS: What did we get?

ASHLEY: Thanks, Caduceus.

LAURA: Blessed.

TRAVIS: Blessed. Plus four to?

LAURA: Attacks and saving throws.

TALIESIN: I think we should run. I think we should run, and I'm going to start backing off.

MATT: At this point, all right. That finishes your turn?

TALIESIN: Unless, yeah, I want to move a little further away from this thing. I want to be about-- Actually, yeah, I'm just going to move five feet to the left, 10 feet to the left.

MATT: All right, this way?

TALIESIN: The other left, sorry,

MATT: There you go.

TALIESIN: Then maybe back a bit if there's not a puddle there. I can't quite see.

MATT: You can get right there, and then before that, you start getting in to puddle territory.

TALIESIN: Let me stay on the rocks. That's a little close.

LAURA: (laughs) Can I stay on the rocks?

MATT: All right, there you go.

TRAVIS: ♪ Stay on the rocks ♪

LAURA: ♪ Stay on the rocks ♪

MATT: Ending your turn, Viridian, the druid who's been traveling with you, comes rushing up from the side where you guys were to see this scenario.

TRAVIS: Step up.

MATT: And goes--

SAM: Do something, lady!

MATT: "The specter, it's too far south. This isn't right." You see her pull back. She's going to go ahead and--

MARISHA: A specterecter?

LIAM: Specter.

MATT: She calls it the specter.

LAURA: It's like a thing they know about.

TRAVIS: The specter.

MATT: You watch as she puts a hand up, and as she clenches her fist, clouds begin to (rumbles) roil in the sky above, and then she brings her hand down to the ground like that. You watch as one bolt of energy goes (sizzles) out of this cloud and slams into the creature.

LAURA: Oh, motherfuck.

MARISHA: Oh, now we're fighting. (laughs)

SAM: Oh, good!

TRAVIS: I think we're fighting.

LIAM: I like to think of that in character in the moment.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: "Oh, motherfuck."

ASHLEY: Ah, motherfuck.

MARISHA: Oh, we're fighting!

MATT: It does make its save.

TALIESIN: Damn it.

TRAVIS: ♪ Inspector Gadget ♪

MARISHA and ASHLEY: (sing Inspector Gadget theme)

MATT: You could always try it again, and, unfortunately, she was not present for that shout.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

MATT: All right, so, that is 3d10.

TRAVIS: 3d10.

MATT: All right, so, it takes some lightning damage. You see it move quickly. It's been standing there this whole time. As soon as the bolt of energy comes, it looks up (gasps) and seems to dart to the side and it impacts right to side of the creature. It still shocks it, but it manages to reduce the damage that it took. So it took a little bit. All right, top of the round now. Veth, you're up.

SAM: Sorry.

LAURA: Did you just burp or something?

MARISHA: Are you going to barf?

SAM: No, there's something wrong with my flask.

LAURA: Oh no.

SAM: I don't think I cleaned it real well last week.

MATT: Oh no.

MARISHA: But I've been watching you sip it this whole time.

LAURA: Do not drink from it anymore tonight, Sam.

MATT: Did you get a chunk?

SAM: It's a little rough. Maybe I should--

TALIESIN: Should've gotten smooth instead of the chunky, man.

SAM: Maybe I should go slow. (laughs)

TRAVIS: Dude, if you poop your pants at the table, that would be amazing. LIAM: Just one episode. One out of hundreds of episodes.

TRAVIS: Just gamble on a fart and let it happen.

LAURA: Do not drink from it.

SAM: It's not right, it's not right. Something's not right.

(laughter)

MATT: Speaking of not right, Veth, it is your turn.

MARISHA: I've never seen you this panicked.

SAM: I know, it's never tasted this bad before.

MATT: Even the live show with the old Scanlan-- never mind.

SAM: That one was better.

LAURA: Oh, god.

TRAVIS: That made my stomach hurt.

TALIESIN: Oh, your pain isn't funny, but I'm laughing.

SAM: Okay, okay. (Veth-like yells) Um... I'm going to-- Am I on a branch-- I mean, I spider climbed up.

MATT: Yeah, so, you're standing on the side of it. You're hiding amongst the various branches and thick foliage.

SAM: Can I grab onto a branch?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: In case I lose my spiders.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: And I will take out a bit of-- if I can one-handed, or I guess with a finger, I'll take out a bit of fur and rub it in my hand and touch the bolt in my awesome crossbow, and I will aim it and cast Brenatto's Voltaic Bolt.

ASHLEY: What?

SAM: And I will fire my crossbow at the creature.

MATT: Go for and roll an attack.

ASHLEY: Crossbow.

MARISHA and ASHLEY: Best Buy.

(laughter)

LAURA: What is it, what is it?

SAM: A dramatic 12.

(laughter)

MATT: A total 12?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: You are hidden, so you have advantage on it.

SAM: Oh, thank god. (laughter) Okay, way better, 23.

MARISHA: Are you blessed?

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

SAM: I'm not blessed.

TALIESIN: Not blessed.

MATT: 23 does hit.

SAM: Okay, 23 hits.

LAURA: Oh my god.

LIAM: Sam is blessed, clearly.

MARISHA: Yeah, of course.

SAM: I will-- it's sneak attack damage. Right, so, that's...

TALIESIN: Oh, man.

SAM: Uh... ♪ doot doodoo doot doodoo doot. ♪

TALIESIN: ♪ Doot doodoo doot. ♪

SAM: Where's my thing? Sorry, so much math. 31 points of damage plus the extra lighting damage. That's another 13 points of damage, 44 points of damage.

MATT: 44 points of damage to it.

ASHLEY: Damn, okay.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: How do you want to do this?

MATT: No, but you do watch--

ASHLEY: Howdy doody do dis.

MATT: -- as you are hanging from the branch below, you cast the spell, grab the branch, fire it. There's this (shushes) streak of energy that encircles the exterior front of the bolt thrower as it (shushes) fires of. The creature is standing there (gasps, thunk) looks over in your direction temporarily, and then the bolt (crackles) shocks from the inside. For a brief second, you see this flash in the deep, deep, dark parts of its socket where is the energy filtered through it, and it (groans) leans forward and the smoke pours out of its mouth and its eyes. That was a healthy chunk of damage on it.

LAURA: Yay!

SAM: Okay, good, good, good.

MATT: All right, are you going to stay put or--?

SAM: I'm going to stay put.

MATT: All right, you got it.

SAM: Hanging on a tree.

MATT: The last will-o'-wisp is going to take its turn now.

ASHLEY: (breathy) Will-o'-wisp.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: 25, 30, the closest life source to it is Fjord. So it's going to go ahead and shift towards Fjord.

TRAVIS: Damn it.

MATT: It's going to attempt to strike you--

TRAVIS: All right.

MATT: -- for 11.

TRAVIS: That misses!

MATT: Yep, you see it coming out of the way, and you duck as it just glides overhead and is now floating just slightly above you right now, the flames (fluttering) hovering.

LAURA: All the little tabs on Beau right now. Poor Beau. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Get off! No!

MARISHA: (yelling)

MATT: Beauregard, it's your turn.

LIAM: Get these hula hoops off of me.

TRAVIS: We better get out of here.

MATT: Beauregard, it's your turn. Fjord, you're on deck. What are you doing on your turn?

MARISHA: I guess we're fighting. So I'm going to stand up.

LIAM: Hasted.

MARISHA: Hasted.

MATT: You are hasted.

MARISHA: And I'm going to-- staring at it and scream. I'm going to-- is the bolt Nott fired still in there?

MATT: It is. Are you looking towards the creature?

MARISHA: No, I'm just sitting up and I'm looking towards the bolt, and this is a-- fuck ghosts, and I'm going to pop pop. And I'm going to use the bolt.

SAM: Oh, cool, cool, cool, cool.

LAURA: Cool, cool.

MATT: You got it. So you're averting your gaze?

MARISHA: (unsure) Yes.

MATT: Okay.

(laughter)

MARISHA: I'm looking at its stomach and not its dank mouth.

MATT: Just wanted to confirm.

LIAM: Caduceus warned us.

MATT: Based on Caduceus' warning...

TRAVIS: Spoon fed.

LIAM: Shouted it out.

MARISHA: I already did this once.

MATT: I understand. All right, so, you go ahead and make your attacks on it. Because you are averting your gaze, your attacks are with disadvantage.

MARISHA: What? Oh.

TALIESIN: But you add a d4.

MARISHA: Okay, yeah.

SAM: Yeah, that makes sense.

MARISHA: Pop pop. I'm going to try and just go and just beat the bolt further in it.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: I don't know, disadvantage with a d4-- oh, yucky. That's bad. Well. Four, five, six, seven. 17?

MATT: 17 hits.

MARISHA: I love you. Hugs!

TALIESIN: I love you.

MARISHA: (exclaims) Okay, no, I wasn't expecting-- I don't know what to do now. Okay, hang on, d8. Okay, nine damage, right? Yeah, that's what-- nine!

MATT: Nine damage, all righty.

MARISHA: Sorry, I wasn't expecting to hit. Pop pop again. That's both 16s plus three. So, nine, 29.

MATT: 29 hits.

MARISHA: Best Buy.

LAURA: Jesus.

ASHLEY: Best Buy!

MARISHA: 11 damage, great.

LIAM: Best Buy, July 15th.

LAURA: July 22nd.

MARISHA: I have another action? So I'm going to pop pop again.

MATT: Well, it's a single attack.

MARISHA: Oh, I'm going to single attack again.

MATT: So, pop pop, pop.

LIAM: I want to hold it so bad.

MARISHA: Pop pop, pop.

LAURA: I know.

MARISHA: 11 plus... one. So, 12, 22?

MATT: 22 hits.

MARISHA: 13 damage.

MATT: All righty. Okay?

MARISHA: Flurry of Beaus.

MATT: Go for it. Two more strikes.

MARISHA: I'm just punching through its abdomen.

MATT: You're just Ip Manning it.

MARISHA: Just fuck this ghost.

SAM: Ghost punch.

MARISHA: Still at disadvantage, yeah?

LAURA: Aim for his dick!

MARISHA: Okay, I hear that, and I start for his balls--

TRAVIS: Speed bagging?

MARISHA: -- where his balls would be.

TALIESIN: Speed bagging.

MARISHA: Ooh, yucky, that's a natural one.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: Ooh. Well, this makes sense because there are no balls there. As you go to swing, (whooshes) it's smooth as a Ken doll.

MARISHA: Wrong direction! He has no dick! I shout.

MATT: This man has no dick.

MARISHA: And... (laughs) (laughter) Pop pop.

SAM: More popping?

MATT: You have one more attack.

MARISHA: Huh?

MATT: You have one more attack.

MARISHA: I have one more attack?

MATT: Your Flurry of Blows was two more strikes, right?

MARISHA: Yes, yeah.

MATT: Yeah, so you have one more.

MARISHA: But I did my bonus attack, right?

MATT: Correct. You did--

MARISHA: Was just this.

MATT: -- your first two attacks, then your bonus attack--

MARISHA: Which just missed.

MATT: -- and then you did Flurry of Blows, which is two more.

MARISHA: So, two more attacks.

MATT: Correct, well, you just did one.

ASHLEY: Damn! That is so crazy.

LIAM: Was one of those the hasted attack?

MARISHA: Yeah, one of them was a hasted one because I haven't done my Flurry of Beaus yet.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Right?

MATT: You did nine, 11, 13 damage, but then you missed on one attack. So that's four attacks you've gone through.

MARISHA: Okay, so, last pop.

MATT: Yeah, this is the last one.

MARISHA: That's better. 17?

MATT: 17 hits.

LAURA: Ooh!

MARISHA: And that's an eight for a beautiful 13.

MATT: 13 points of damage, great.

MARISHA: And then--

SAM: Two more attacks.

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: I--

LAURA: And then I'm going to fly 120 feet.

MATT: Yep.

(laughter)

LIAM: 100 episodes later.

TRAVIS: Always.

MARISHA: So I can spend my Mind of Mercury to buy-- no, that's a reaction. Never mind, never mind. I will-- I have a bonus action?

MATT: No, you've already use that for your Flurry.

MARISHA: Okay, right, I'm done.

MATT: You're done, okay. End of your turn, because this is something that I should have been keeping track of, but have not. After the impact of the attacks from Beauregard (thumping) (groaning) you watch as the air around it grows dark at the end of your turn, and all of a sudden, everyone in proximity just feels like more of their life force being yanked out of their body.

LAURA: Oh no. What is the proximity?

MATT: Yes, Beauregard, Yasha, and Fjord...

TALIESIN: All with a d4.

MATT: There's no save here. You all take eight points of necrotic damage from just the surrounding dark aura around it.

ASHLEY: But I'm resistant to necrotic.

MATT: So you take four.

ASHLEY: So I take four.

LAURA: Marisha, were you adding a four to all of those attacks? Because you're blessed.

MATT: No, she was.

LAURA: Okay, okay.

MATT: In fact, one of them hit only because of that.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

MARISHA: Attack and saves, yes.

ASHLEY: Girl, you're blessed.

LAURA: Because, girl, you're blessed.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: I'm on it.

MATT: Finishing Beau's turn. Fjord, you're up, Yasha, you're on deck.

TRAVIS: Okay, (humming). I am going to summon the Star Razor and activate it,

MATT: All right (shushes) the sword appears in your hand.

SAM: Star Razor activate!

TRAVIS: And I will cast Banishing Smite as a bonus action at 5th-level.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: And I will take two strikes against this thing, not looking at it, with disadvantage.

MATT: Okay, so, averting your gaze, you do take disadvantage on those strikes. Go for it, first attack.

TALIESIN: And you get a d4, which I will say every time no matter who's doing what.

MATT: Yeah, man. No, cleric's about being Clippy the Clip.

TALIESIN: It's just going to keep happening.

TRAVIS: Plus four or a d4?

TALIESIN: d4.

MATT: Plus a d4.

TRAVIS: Plus a d4, okay. So-- hold on. It's been a second. Attack. Plus two is 14.

LAURA: Wish we knew what his strengths and weaknesses were.

MATT: That's a d6 you just rolled. d4.

SAM: Well, we know that it doesn't have a dick.

LIAM: I'm going to guess necrotic not good against it.

TRAVIS: What's a d4 look like? It's a triangle, right?

MATT: It's the pyramid, yeah.

TRAVIS: Do I not have a fucking pyramid?

MATT: Did it get lost in the shuffle?

TRAVIS: Throw me a pyramid.

LAURA: What?

TRAVIS: Throw me a d4.

MATT: Laura, you do it, since you guys are--

SAM: You can touch.

MATT: Yeah, you're a pod.

LAURA: Ready? Four!

TRAVIS: Four.

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: So that is 27 to hit.

MATT: That definitely hits.

SAM: Jesus.

TRAVIS: Okay, so, that is 5d10, right, something damage.

SAM: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Cool, sorry.

SAM: Expert level D&D player.

MATT: So you rolled damage on the weapon, right?

TRAVIS: I rolled damage on the weapon, okay.

MATT: Plus your Hexblade's Curse damage.

TRAVIS: (like Travis) I've lost my d4 and I don't know what I'm doing.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Holy shit. Seriously, I am out of it.

LAURA: He only has one d4.

SAM: I mean, to be fair, I do, too.

TRAVIS: Okay, nine plus seven is 16 plus four for Hexblade's Curse.

TALIESIN: It's a weird die, to be fair.

TRAVIS: So, 20, and then 5d10.

ASHLEY: Damn.

TRAVIS: Seven, 27.

SAM: You want to try my flask, Laura?

TRAVIS: 31, yes, 38.

MARISHA: Were there chunks?

LIAM: Could you strain out the--

TRAVIS: 10, 48.

SAM: I think I left some wine in there last time.

TRAVIS: 51 points of damage.

SAM: And it's just vinegar.

TALIESIN: What kind of damage?

TRAVIS: It's got a fucking thing next to it. It looks like a comet or a meteor.

TALIESIN: Radiant, I think.

MATT and TALIESIN: Force.

TRAVIS: Force, and if it drops it below 50 hit points, does it?

MATT: How do you want to do this?

(cheering)

TRAVIS: Damn, I was not anticipating that. I'll just summon the Razor and then just go like (whimpers and impact) and just take it from collar bone to hip, just diagonal, long cross guard sash.

MATT: You guys watch as this large arc of faintly green radiant energy swings off the blade as it converts to a force blast. As it impacts, the blade doesn't even reach the flesh of the undead creature. The force of the magic actually begins tearing it apart before the blade can cut into it, and you watch as it just scatters into four or five different pieces. What looks like rags, now, thrown against the ground and turn to ash crumbling away. The creature is destroyed.

TRAVIS: Ooh! I regain some hit points with that.

SAM: Nicely done, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

SAM: Wait, what about the little will-o'-the-wispies?

MATT: Yeah, there is one little will-o'-wisp right next to Fjord. You have your second attack, if you want.

TRAVIS: Oh, I do?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Because I started with one melee, I guess I can do one Eldritch Blast, right?

MATT: No, your action either is two attacks or it's two Eldritch Blasts-- or three Eldritch Blasts.

TRAVIS: It's not-- Is it near me? Oh, it is. He's in my lane. So I'll spin around and make an attack.

TALIESIN: Fly swatter.

TRAVIS: I will look at him.

MATT: You can do that. (laughs)

LAURA: (like wisp) What, why, no, I wasn't. I was just coming to say hi.

TRAVIS: 23.

MATT: 23 hits.

(laughter)

LIAM: (high-pitched) Hee hee!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh, I reroll ones. Four plus seven is 11.

MATT: 11 points of damage to that one.

LIAM: (like wisp) You don't want to hit me.

TRAVIS: And I regain-- Man, this shit's all over the place. I regain 15 hit points because the thing on my Hexblade's Curse d-d-died.

MATT: It did. That one, I believe, had already suffered damage, that will-o'-wisp, and so (fluffs).

LIAM: (like wisp) I'm so wispy!

MATT: That one scatters and a moment of silence falls upon the battlefield here as you all stand ready for the next thing to go ahead and arrive and assail you, and after a moment--

TALIESIN: Eyes of the Grave?

MATT: Eyes of the Grave. You look around yourself. You sense that nothing at the moment is challenging the place where you guys are standing. For the time being, you seem to be somewhat safe.

TALIESIN: Okay, I think we're pretty cool right now.

LAURA: What was that?

SAM: What happened? Beauregard, you wandered off, and what the hell was that?

MARISHA: It looked sad. I tried to be nice because it looked sad. Fuck that shit. Fuck that, I'm never doing that shit again.

MATT: The roiling cloud above fades and Viridian goes, "I'm so sorry. I don't normally traverse on foot, and it's strange. This specter, I've not seen, but heard story of, and it's supposed to be from the north and by the Ruin. Normally, I've not heard of it traveling as far south."

LAURA: What could've made it travel?

MATT: "I don't know."

SAM: Maybe it heard about Traveler Con.

LAURA: Beau, I'm going to cast Cure Wounds. Oh, wait, shit, no. I don't think I have it prepared.

TRAVIS: An early access badge.

SAM: Yeah, it wants to go to Traveler Con.

LAURA: Shut up, you guys.

LIAM: It's like right on speed dial.

TRAVIS: How many hit points do you have?

MARISHA: Six.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LAURA: I got Healing Word.

TRAVIS: One of those is mine.

LIAM: 'Sup, Caleb.

ASHLEY: You have six? You should have more.

LAURA: No, she got sucked dry a little bit.

ASHLEY: You got hit, you got-- never mind.

LAURA: Maybe we should take a little rest or something?

TALIESIN: Let's maybe find a place that isn't quite so ominous?

MARISHA: Caduceus.

MATT: "I think that's a good idea."

MARISHA: Do I have biceps still? Did I lose my biceps?

TRAVIS: Viridian, do you know how much further this

TALIESIN: I mean, they're there.

TRAVIS: -- particular cesspooly area goes on all the way to the mountain or--?

MATT: "No, no, probably another, at most, an hour's worth of travel."

TRAVIS: Should we try and get out of the inky black stuff?

MATT: "I would recommend that."

TRAVIS: Can you make it another hour, Beau? Do you have a potion?

MARISHA: Yeah. I do, but I'm fine.

LAURA: I'm going to use Healing Word just to be safe, okay?

SAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I was going to throw a Cure Wounds at this, too.

TRAVIS: I'll give you another one hit point. I mean, it's no big, just chill.

LAURA: I'm going to Healing Word at 3rd-level for you, Beau.

MARISHA: Oh, it's like Icy Hot. Thank you.

TALIESIN: Then I'm going to do a quick Cure Wounds at a 2nd-level.

ASHLEY: I mean, I can only do that once a day, anyways.

TRAVIS: Oh, only once a day? Shame.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's not bad.

ASHLEY: You know, it's not my thing.

TALIESIN: 13 points also.

SAM: It was just much more powerful, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Wow, okay.

MATT: 13, and you have a 3rd-level Healing Word, you said?

SAM: And she's not even a magic user.

LAURA: Yes.

TRAVIS: Some people care about quantity over quality, okay?

ASHLEY: That's just like instant 12 points. You know, I don't even have to--

SAM: She doesn't blink or have to cast anything.

LAURA: 14 points.

SAM: She just does it.

ASHLEY: It just happens for me.

TALIESIN: Just until we find a place to take a short rest.

LIAM: They're not doctors, they're EMTs. They'll get you up real quick, that's it.

TRAVIS: We're lifeguards.

LIAM: Yeah, yep.

MATT: How much is that? Five?

LAURA: 14.

MATT: Oh, 14. (laughs)

TRAVIS: What is this? How is that--

LAURA: Well, I held up four for 14 and then I realized.

MATT: Four and then teen. (laughter) Come on, Travis. Get with it.

LIAM: (like Jester) You know.

TRAVIS: Oh no.

LAURA: I had Oreo in my mouth, okay?

TRAVIS: Are we teaching Ronin 14?

(laughter)

LIAM: (like Jester) You know, 72.

TALIESIN: He has 55 fingers, to be fair.

LIAM: Viridian, how far are we from that thing's normal haunting grounds in time?

MATT: "Two day's travel, at least, on the northern side of the island."

LAURA: Does he move fast or is he, like, super slow? That must've taken him a while.

MATT: "I mean, I can't tell. I've not encountered it myself."

ASHLEY: Why do you think he was down here? You don't usually see him around?

MATT: "No, I've not seen him in my travels, but I normally don't veer from the path to and from the mountain space, itself."

MARISHA: Are you sure this is the same one?

MATT: "I hope so. I would hate to think there's more of these on the island. Nevertheless, I think it's best we move on from this space in case we draw any more of the wisps from the swamp around us."

TRAVIS: Agreed.

MATT: "Follow me," and you watch as Viridian takes the lead on this one. What's the marching order going forward following Viridian?

LIAM: Caleb takes the center.

SAM: Let's put Beau in the middle, too. She's a little bit--

TALIESIN: I'll go in the front.

MARISHA: Yasha.

ASHLEY: I'll-- Yeah.

LAURA: I'm going to, just for as long as my Spiritual Weapon stays up, which isn't much longer, I'm going to just try to eat it.

MATT: Okay, sure.

TALIESIN: It's more of a lickable object.

MATT: It's your Spiritual Weapon, so you describe what happens as you try and lick your bladed lollipop.

LAURA: Well, I'm not licking the blades. I'm licking the middle.

MATT: Okay, and it tastes like?

LAURA: Strawberries and cotton candy.

MATT: Checks out.

TALIESIN: I've always imagined that the blades were retractable like the phantasmagoria ball.

LAURA: Yeah, I just don't want to risk it. Just in case something triggers it, like, a touch or something makes them come out.

LIAM: Just shards of hard candy. (ticks)

ASHLEY: Beau, do you need a hand?

MARISHA: It's been a while since I've asked for this favor, but

TRAVIS and LIAM: ♪ It's been a while. ♪

ASHLEY: Yeah, I can--

MARISHA: Will you hold me and carry me?

ASHLEY: I can hold you.

MARISHA: Okay, thank you.

LAURA: (cackles)

ASHLEY: Take a load off.

MARISHA: Okay, this is nice, thank you.

ASHLEY: Yeah, you got it.

TRAVIS: Are you doing the fireman's carry or over the shoulder like a sack of potatoes?

MATT: Like a koala?

MARISHA: Fireman's, this my arm over her neck.

ASHLEY: Arms around her.

LAURA: Patting your little butt.

ASHLEY: Her legs around me. There you go.

TRAVIS: There's a good burp.

MATT: So Viridian's at the front, and then we have Caleb. Beau is now being held by Yasha.

LAURA: I'll follow behind them because I want to draw this in my sketchbook.

TALIESIN: I'll be right in the front, actually.

MATT: Right in the front, behind Viridian?

TALIESIN: Behind Viridian.

MATT: All right, and then Fjord and--

TALIESIN: High perception, and that way, people can pull me out of the water If I fall in again.

MATT: Fjord and Veth, where are you guys at?

SAM: Back.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: All right, you guys have got the rear.

LAURA: As I follow behind Beau and Yasha, when Beau looks back at me, I'm going to be like--

(laughter)

LAURA: (mouthed) I mean, her big muscles!

MARISHA: (mouthed) So warm and strong and comfortable!

MATT: Roll a perception check, Yasha.

ASHLEY: I was just going to say that. I can feel her arms moving around.

MATT: Yeah, gestating.

TRAVIS: She's having a seizure.

ASHLEY: Okay. 15.

MATT: 15. Make a sleight of hand check.

MARISHA: Okay! (laughter) I don't know-- I don't do this very often.

TRAVIS: Fail.

LIAM: ♪ Fail. ♪

MARISHA: I'm using my good-- oh. 24.

LAURA: Ooh!

MATT: Yeah, no idea.

MARISHA: I rolled 19.

MATT: Poor thing's hurt.

TRAVIS: Wow.

MARISHA: (whispers) She smells good. (sniffs)

LAURA: I lean forward and I'm trying to smell her as we're walking.

(laughter)

MATT: With Viridian helping lead the way, there are a few points in time where some of the larger pits seemed to be a point of stopping and moving around. You watch as she carries her staff out in front and some of the nearby trees and roots shift to create a makeshift bridge temporarily and helps you continue forward. There is one more length of this to traverse. I will need everyone to make one more dexterity saving throw to avoid the darkened pits.

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Resistance on myself beforehand because I've been burned before.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: Did the-- the saves don't-- It's not a save.

SAM: Wait, it's a save or a check?

MATT: It's saving throw.

TALIESIN: It's strength?

MATT: Dexterity.

LAURA: Uh oh.

TRAVIS: 14.

MATT: 14, okay. Jester?

SAM: Fjordteen.

LAURA: Nine.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: 16.

MATT: All right.

SAM: 25.

ASHLEY: 17.

TALIESIN: 21!

MARISHA: 17.

MATT: All righty. All of you manage to come across mostly without issue.

ASHLEY: Oh, we got the same number.

MARISHA: We did!

MATT: Makes sense.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: Jester, unfortunately,

MARISHA: I'm just dodging branches.

MATT: In the process of watching and making hand motions and drawing this experience, you get about three or four steps before you realize there's a heavy sloshing sound (slurps), and you're about knee deep in the water. I need you to roll a d4, a d6 for me, sorry.

LAURA: A d6.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Oh boy.

LAURA: One?

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: That's never good.

MATT: Let me see if I can recall where the previous one was. As you begin to step into the middle of the space here and realize the danger that you're possibly in, you withdraw your legs from it without issue.

SAM: So lucky.

LAURA: Cool.

TRAVIS: A one did that?

SAM: Ones are always good.

MARISHA: A d6.

LAURA: Is that it, is that it?

LIAM: It's not a d20, it's a whole different system.

TRAVIS: Did you just walk in that thing?

LAURA: Yeah, but I'm going to stare at it for a minute.

MATT: Okay, you watch as elements of the murky tar-like liquid beneath it has darkened the lower half of your body, (blurbs) and then just sits there, clusters of dying vegetation floating on top.

TRAVIS: You have to be careful.

LAURA: Hey, man, it didn't even do anything. Caduceus, why are you always having so much trouble with this stuff? It's easy, just step right back out of it.

(laughter) (laughter)

TALIESIN: I feel like I tried that. I don't know why it didn't work. I mean, I feel like I've tried that.

LAURA: It happens again, just remember--

TALIESIN: Yeah, maybe I didn't.

LAURA: Just walk right out.

TALIESIN: It's been very distracting here, to be fair. All right.

ASHLEY: If it happens again, I can always pull you out.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I can't.

SAM: Oh, Yasha, Yasha. I think she's asleep.

ASHLEY: (shushes)

(laughter)

SAM: (raspberries and cries)

ASHLEY: No, I want the art to look cool if they can draw it.

TALIESIN: (shushes) She's dreaming.

ASHLEY: Don't draw it that way.

MATT: Speaking of dreams, though.

TALIESIN: Oh no.

MATT: As you guys begin to move on and find that these thick, clustered, dark tar pits begin to slowly drain away. The swamp, at least, changes and transitions from this dark, cold space, color seems to return to the surrounding vegetation. The temperature begins to rise to an uncomfortable tropical temperature. The heavy armor of which many of you wear and the layers of which you brought here based on your Xhorhasian experiences and the colder temperature of what you just passed through, cause you to begin to sweat beneath your armor. You begin to hear the buzz of insects swarming and keeping a vicinity to the new sweaty individuals that are traversing this. Going forward for the next 30 minutes or so through this space, the-- the jungle is back to its fully lush and dense sense that it was when you first arrived on the island, but these insects are bugging you. You begin to feel a pain and slap as it goes.

LAURA: Can you talk to them?

TALIESIN: I mean, yeah. Hey, do you all mind for a little bit? I'm sure there's other things to eat and, honestly, we're probably bad for you.

MATT: (buzzing)

TALIESIN: We're from way far away. I mean, like--

MATT: (clicks) Right there on the forehead.

LAURA: Oh!

TALIESIN: All right, apparently, we have to agree to disagree.

LAURA: Can't you just suck them into your staff for something?

TALIESIN: I'm just going to see if I can rattle some of my insects out of the staff to see if they'll come up and maybe help out a little bit.

SAM: Vouch for you?

TALIESIN: They're carnivorous.

MATT: They come out and hang out on the very, very top portion of the staff and clutching onto the wood. Not a whole lot of interaction between your beetles and these large, mosquito-like insects that seem to be keeping a very, very close distance to your party. Uncomfortable as it is, after a while of passing through these clouds and trying to slap them as they come, I do need everyone to make a constitution saving throw for me, please. (groaning)

LIAM: Could I Produce Flame in my hand and using that as sort of like a bug spray.

TRAVIS: Fucking West Nile.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: For this.

MATT: I'll say with that, it'll give you advantage on your saving throw.

TRAVIS: Same thing, 14. Wait, was that dexterity or constitution?

MATT: Constitution.

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: 18. Jester?

LAURA: Six.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Oh no.

SAM: Caleb.

LIAM: 26.

MATT: All right.

SAM: 16.

MATT: Yasha?

ASHLEY: 26.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: 17.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: 15?

MATT: All right.

LAURA: I'm really sweet, you guys.

(laughter)

MATT: Okay. You begin to look up past the various breaks in the jungle canopy, and you can see the mountain is looming larger and larger still as the day gets closer and closer to sunset. You can see the colors shifting in the sky, and looking up at the mountain, the mist that hangs and suffuses the surrounding jungle gives it this very hazy, this very dream-like quality to it. You get momentarily lost in the spectacle of the space around you and shake yourself out of it and still can't shake that feeling like you're being watched.

SAM: Oh, that's right.

MATT: Jester, you're not feeling so well.

LAURA: Like, how not well?

MATT: Like, you start to sweat profusely. Your knees are starting to ache a little bit. Your stomach's started to knot and twist.

MARISHA: No.

MATT: As Viridian goes, "(sighs) We should be getting there very soon. We passed the hard elements of it. You said you need to rest?"

SAM: Oh, yes, that's right. We're going to take a short rest.

TALIESIN: Short rest might be a good idea, especially if there is a way that we can get some-- Are the insects, have they let off a bit?

MATT: "Insects?" Are you asking Viridian?

TALIESIN: No, have the insects let off a bit?

MATT: They let off a little bit, but for the most part, you guys are just pushing them off as they come and smacking them as they go. It's not the worst it's been, but they're still around.

TRAVIS: Is Viridian not bothered by the insects?

MATT: She doesn't seem to be.

ASHLEY: Do you get bit by these a lot?

MATT: "They do, but it doesn't seem to bother me much. I usually, once again, don't traverse quite as physically through this space."

LIAM: Are you feeling all right?

LAURA: Um.

LIAM: You look a little peaked, different shade of blue.

LAURA: I feel kind of shitty.

MARISHA: Well, how much longer until we rest?

SAM: Do you need to go out in the woods and make a poo poo?

LAURA: I can't tell for sure. I'm not sure.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's the worst.

LAURA: It might come out top, it might come out bottom.

MARISHA: Ooh, I hate that.

ASHLEY: Oh, like you feel it in your stomach?

TRAVIS: Yeah, the twirls.

LIAM: Caduceus, is there anything that you can do for her? Tea or--

TALIESIN: I mean, I can try a couple things.

LAURA: My skin feels achy.

SAM: Achy skin?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Well, that's no good.

TRAVIS: You know, I could try to--

LAURA: I'm going to sit down.

TRAVIS: I'm going to use five hit points from my Land on Hands, and I'll touch Jester's shoulder and try and cure a disease or neutralize a poison.

LAURA: Touch my head. Do I feel hot, Fjord? Is my head--

TRAVIS: Does she feel hot?

MATT: She does feel quite hot, yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah.

LAURA: Do I feel shivery?

TRAVIS: Take some refuge with the Wild Mother. (blurbs)

MATT: Okay, you feel this warm sensation emerge from Fjord's palm, and as it does, it resonates through your forehead and down into the neck where the lymph nodes felt a little swollen, and with that warmth, the discomfort fades. The disease that had just set within you is purged from the body.

MARISHA: Hell yeah.

LAURA: Hey! I certainly don't have to poop anymore.

TRAVIS: Oh, really?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: That's wonderful. Does that mean you went?

LAURA: I don't know. No!

TRAVIS: No poops?

LAURA: It just went away.

TRAVIS: Okay, well, that's good.

SAM: Wow.

LAURA: Wow, thanks, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Yeah, no problem.

MATT: At this point, Viridian has begun to gather elements of the nearby heavy roots and built this small enclosure, if you will, this temporary enclosure of knotted bark and wood.

MARISHA: Holy shit, you did that really fast.

MATT: "It's my specialty."

MARISHA: Yeah, that's cool.

MATT: "Come, let's take a rest," and she goes over and sits down, takes the staff and sets it in the ground and begins to meditate, the twisted vines that form the right leg temporarily rooting into the ground. ASHLEY: I put Beau down. You feeling okay?

MARISHA: Yeah, no, you're great. Thank you. I'm going to meditate, too, and just try and (snores) and take a power nap and recover some hit points.

MATT: Okay, are you guys taking a short rest?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yes, please.

MATT: All righty, you get your spells back. You get your Channel Divinities back. Any other short rest abilities come back and you can spend any hit dice if you have them.

TRAVIS: During the short rest, can I go over to Jester, and as quietly as I can, possibly out of earshot of Viridian, and just say: Jester, I feel like when those mosquitoes were buzzing that maybe they might have transferred some sort of, I don't know, poison or disease, and what the Wild Mother has enabled me to do is neutralize that. Do you have something similar?

LAURA: Like being able to get rid of disease?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I just wondered. Viridian said she didn't really--

LAURA: Feel anything about it?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: I mean, I always have been-- mosquitoes are always attracted to me.

TRAVIS: Always?

LAURA: I've always had that problem. My mama says it's because I eat so much candy.

TRAVIS: That would make sense.

LAURA: But I don't know. I do have stuff that can help with that, but not right now.

TRAVIS: Okay, I also have it. I just--

LAURA: I bet Caduceus has something like it though. He's usually a bit more prepared in the ways of healing than me. Sometimes I forget to remember that I'm supposed to heal people.

TRAVIS: Right, I also don't want to offend her, but it can't hurt to just try and neutralize something that may or may not be there. I'll ask him.

LAURA: Oh, you mean you think she's diseased?

TRAVIS: Isn't it strange that everyone-- (whispering) Isn't it strange that everyone here seems to forget where they are and where they came from?

LAURA: Well, yeah.

TRAVIS: Wouldn't it make sense that maybe it's something on the island that's doing it? What if it's just the wildlife or the mosquitoes or, I don't know, what if they're all just needing to be purged of it?

LAURA: Wait, so, you can literally just walk up to her and touch her and then maybe she'll be cured?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Should we ask if she wants a massage or something?

TRAVIS: That feels a little overt. I was just thinking maybe like a "uh-oh!" and trip and "oh, you caught me."

LAURA: Accidentally grab her boob.

TRAVIS: No, shoulder or elbow. Why boob?

LAURA: I don't know. It's just that's what it seemed like you were doing.

TRAVIS: No, that would be-- I was up here.

LAURA: Oh, okay. I mean, that's better, probably.

TRAVIS: How tall is Viridian?

MATT: I'd say about 5'8".

TRAVIS: Yeah, it's the shoulder.

LAURA: Yeah, okay, okay, okay. Can I ask you a question?

TRAVIS: Yes.

LAURA: Do you think it's weird that Viridian, who's not a god, can basically do the same things that the Traveler can do? What if the Traveler's just a druid?

TRAVIS: Viridian?

LAURA: She's shaping the wildlife and that's something that the Traveler can do. What if she can make herself really big? I mean, she did turn herself into an owl.

TRAVIS: Right, but didn't you also say the Traveler's not a god either?

LAURA: Well, no, I know. Right. He's not.

TRAVIS: Right. Is that a problem?

LAURA: But he's still supposed to be super powerful compared to other people. He's basically a god, he's just not a god. You know what I mean?

TRAVIS: (sighs) Yes. I've been a little concerned that maybe the Traveler's trying to become a god, and you might be helping him.

LAURA: I don't think he wants to be a god. I mean, I really don't, based on conversations that we had. I think he's kind of over it.

TRAVIS: You know, can I just toss out there, though, that when he told you he didn't want all that responsibility and he still makes you go forward with the gathering of numerous, numerous people on a volcanic island, they sound kind of like conflicting messages?

LAURA: I am the one who chose the volcano, you know.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but he could just cancel the whole thing at any time, and then responsibility gone. It just feels a little like he's telling you something opposite of what he's making you do.

LAURA: Why would he do that? TRAVIS: I don't know. I just want to make sure that you're keeping your eyes open to any possibility. I know he's been with you your entire life, so I'm a little hesitant in saying it. I just don't want you to get hurt.

LAURA: Thanks. I'll keep my eyes open.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: But he's really a good guy.

TRAVIS: He's shown us nothing to the contrary. Okay, I'm going to go talk to Caduceus.

LAURA: No, wait, I thought you were going to go grab her boob?

TRAVIS: I have to breast first! It's the shoulder.

SAM: You have to breast first?

TRAVIS: No, I--

LAURA: You have to breast first. He said breast.

TRAVIS: Just a titty bit of time.

LAURA: And Veth, stop listening in on our private conversation.

SAM: Oh, sorry, sorry.

ASHLEY: Titty bit of time.

LAURA: Oh, man, everybody can hear us.

LIAM: He needs to express it.

TRAVIS: I'll be back. Can I go and tell Caduceus the same sort of thing and just the concept that maybe we could be able to lift something?

TALIESIN: I was just starting to meditate when this-- what?

TRAVIS: I'm so sorry. I know how important this time is to you. I just wanted to share the same thing I told Jester to you.

TALIESIN: Oh, I don't know. This is really complicated and weird. I'm not sure. Maybe I have something. I don't know. I'm confused.

TRAVIS: I just wanted to let you know so if I, all of a sudden, reach out and grab a random shoulder or elbow-- nothing else-- that's what I'm trying to do. I'm not clumsy or anything. I'm just trying to see if we can...

TALIESIN: No, that makes sense.

LAURA: Go do it now, Fjord.

TRAVIS: I'm resting! Stop talking about it! I have to go rest. I'm going to meditate.

TALIESIN: I'm going to talk to the Wild Mother. I'm going to see what I can-- I have some questions.

MATT: Okay, so you're going to go ahead and Commune?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm going to cast Commune.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Eight, yes.

MATT: So in the middle of this space here as everyone is resting themselves, you can vaguely hear the louder-than-normal snoring of Beauregard recovering in the middle of this strange, half-root wall, and as you close your eyes and connect with the rather intense nature around you, you can feel that warm embrace. The air, itself, becomes comforting and sweet, as opposed to the sticky, warm air that's been in the breeze that has been guiding you through this portion of the jungle, and you can sense her smile upon you.

TALIESIN: I'm feeling watched. Is Vokodo what's watching me?

MATT: You feel a tug at your shoulder, the breeze as it pushes your face towards the direction of the volcano, and you take that as a confirmation, as yes.

TALIESIN: Is Vokodo why people on this island forget?

MATT: Still looking upon the mountain, you watch as your eyes focus on the mist, focus on the strange, dreamlike quality, and you sense within the mountain there is something that is indeed robbing people of their memories. So the answer, you imagine, would be yes.

TALIESIN: Do I possess magic that can abate this effect?

MATT: You feel a small, growing base of strength in the palm of your hand, and you sense the Wild Mother confidently acknowledging that you have the power within your grasp. Perhaps not at the moment, depending on what spells you have prepared, but you know you have it as a capability.

TALIESIN: All right. (exhales) So... Yeah, Vokodo's watching us, and something about it is what's happening to these people. I don't know if it's intentional or unintentional, but it's connected. And if your power can't undo this, I'm pretty sure mine can, and I'd be curious to see what you're capable of.

TRAVIS: Don't think it's much, but I'm certainly open to trying. Vokodo's not a god, right? We established that. It's something else?

TALIESIN: I don't know what it is.

TRAVIS: We just saw this floating island chase us in our ship. There's no chance that this island is something, right?

TALIESIN: I mean--

TRAVIS: Who reads books? You, you, who fucking knows if an island is a thing?

LAURA: An island is a thing.

LAURA: An island is-- It is. It's a massive landform.

TRAVIS: No, is it a creature?

LAURA: It's in the middle of the ocean.

TRAVIS: Are we on a creature right now?

TALIESIN: Surrounded on all sides?

MARISHA: You just woke me up to ask if an island was a thing?

TRAVIS: Yes, motherfucker! Listen, did you not see that astral dreadnought? There is some big shit in this world. Are we on the back of something?

MARISHA: I have no context. I was asleep, what are you--

LIAM: The only knowledge of this island--

LAURA: Go back to sleep, Beau.

LIAM: -- we have is through Jester.

ASHLEY: Wait, what do you mean "a thing"?

LAURA: I'm going to just fan Beau to give her a little bit of a breeze. Go back to sleep.

ASHLEY: Do we have any water?

MATT: Yeah, you brought water along with the journey, and Viridian, actually, is easy enough to create any fresh water if you need it.

SAM: Also, Yasha, I think you still have my flask.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Four months later.

ASHLEY: You're probably right. I do.

SAM: So feel free.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to wet a little bit of a rag from my cape and dab Beau's wrists and then put it around her neck so she can cool down while she's sleeping.

TRAVIS: With vodka?

MARISHA: Is that whiskey? Feels nice.

ASHLEY: Just some cold-- yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah, it's good.

ASHLEY: What do you mean by thing?

TRAVIS: No, I just mean like-- I'd only heard of dragon turtles. I'd never seen one before, and it was fucking huge and terrifying. If it's not a god, and we're on this island that's already changed colors and shapes and the wildlife has changed--

SAM: Captain Tusktooth, wasn't this island on a map, though?

TRAVIS: Yes, but I couldn't tell you if it was properly charted or explored or any of that.

SAM: Well, you found it.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but what this is like a--

LIAM: What are you asking? If this island is alive?

TRAVIS: Yes! Yes, that!

LIAM: Have I ever read about a living island in all of my booking?

MATT: Roll arcana or history, your choice.

LIAM: Arcana, please.

MARISHA: Can I do the same?

MATT: If you're not still napping, yeah.

MARISHA: I'm being pampered on right now. I'm living my best life.

MATT: Sure, if you want to pay attention to this. Go for it.

LIAM: 28.

MATT: 28.

TRAVIS: Booze on your wrists.

MARISHA: 25.

MATT: 25, yeah. There have been myths through the ages of landmasses that turned out to be creatures, whether that be like the dragon turtle example of what you met in the sea not too long before, creations by the gods during pre-Calamity times and the time of the Founding. The very primal elemental titans that once ruled this land themselves had whole groups of creatures that called them homes, depending, like the earth elemental titans themselves had an entire biome that existed within them as a walking mountain. There've been examples of it through time. It's not a common thing, necessarily, and you can't-- I would say you're hard pressed to think of any specific examples of modern time of islands being a living thing. It doesn't sound out of the world-- you've been to so many weird places and learned about so many weird things. Sure, it's possible.

LIAM: I would imagine that the things I have read about were on a smaller scale than this island even though the island is not that big. It's a big place.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: I say to Fjord.

TRAVIS: Fair enough, makes sense.

LAURA: But if it is a living thing, then maybe the volcano's just like a giant zit or something.

ASHLEY: Yeah, but isn't all land a living thing?

TALIESIN: Yes.

ASHLEY: You know?

LIAM: Well, ja, but--

MARISHA: We're, like, all connected, right? Right, Caduceus?

SAM: Oh, boy. What's happening right now?

LAURA: I have no idea.

TRAVIS: We're short rest. We're being eccentric.

SAM: Philosophical. TRAVIS: Yep. Waxing...big word.

MATT: At this point, as you guys are finishing out the end of the short rest and having this conversation, you watch as Viridian's staff suddenly goes to her side, and she stands up very carefully and goes, "Do you hear that?"

SAM: No.

LAURA: Do we hear anything?

TALIESIN: Hear what?

MATT: Actually, it would be Caduceus and Beauregard and Caleb.

MARISHA: Did we get a rest in?

MATT: Yeah, you guys finished your short rest, but at the end of it, as you listen in, and you can hear what sounds like shifting of wood, breaking of branches.

TRAVIS: Oh, good.

SAM: The island is mad.

LAURA: Like distant or close?

MATT: Distant and getting closer--

LIAM: Everybody quiet down and get down, please.

MATT: -- and then you hear another branch snap louder and closer, and you hear things moving, shifting, leaves and boughs crashing into each other, and it's getting louder and louder.

MARISHA: I feel like we should move away from it.

TRAVIS: Like (thooms) of footsteps, something big or just the trees moving?

MATT: At the moment right now, just hearing of trees and foliage moving.

MARISHA: Let's go that way.

TRAVIS: Hide, hide?

MARISHA: Let's run.

LAURA: What do you think it is, Viridian?

TRAVIS: Or should we take cover?

SAM: I'm going to hide.

MARISHA: Hide?

SAM: I'm going to just hide and throw some bushes over me.

MATT: Okay, hiding? Anyone who's hiding, make a stealth check.

LIAM: I'm going to pull out a bit of fleece and start to cast Major Image and just create similar fauna to what's around us, but obscuring the party entirely.

TRAVIS: Nice.

MATT: Okay. So as you guys are all having this conversation, you watch as the jungle area around you suddenly is filled with immaterial leaves and branches and knotted roots and vines, and you all feel fairly well hidden. As you all wait and Viridian looks back towards you and gives a nod of like, "Well done," you hear getting louder and louder, and now you hear footfalls (crunching), not incredibly heavy, but heavy enough, and you see a shape now moving maybe about 30 feet ahead, not directly towards you from what you can tell right now, but shifting parallel to the direction you were traveling, and then you can hear heavier footfalls behind it. (booming) The cracking and breaking sound of heavy trees and branch gets louder and louder like thunder. You can see the shifting and moving of heavy tree boughs just at the top of the horizon beyond where the break in the canopy would be, and you watch as a tree (crunches) falls over. Suddenly, you see a blur of gray as you see a massive, 12-foot tall creature with four arms, gray skin, a white, silver matte of a stripe of hair down its back, this open jaw with sharp teeth come rushing through. Go ahead and make an arcana check, Beauregard and Caleb.

SAM: Beauregard.

TRAVIS: What the fuck?

LIAM: 25.

MATT: 25.

MARISHA: 23.

MATT: Okay, you both, looking at it, you recognize some of the features, elements of the coloration of the skin are vaguely drow, but monstrous and mutated, and you immediately recall you've heard of in some of the darker drow societies there being a blending of drow blood and demonic blood to create something called a draegloth, but they are creatures that almost exclusively live in the Underdark and to see it here makes no sense, and it's rushing--

MARISHA: They live in the Underdark?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Almost exclusively.

MATT: As you see it-- As soon as that hits you, you watch as it comes rushing forward and you can see there is blood streaking down its face, and the look on its-- the expression on its large, demonic, twisted face is that of desperation, and you hear (heavy footsteps) coming up from behind it as (crash) breaking through the nearby trees, you watch a giant toothed mouth, jaws open, snatch it from the middle of its leap as it gets pulled in the air. You can see a large, lizard-like entity standing about 20 to 25 feet tall, this massive mouth of foot-long like-dagger teeth as it lifts in the air and chomps into it. Blood pours out of the side of it as the large draegloth is like (growls). (crunches) A secondary horrible crunch sound and it's silent. You now can see standing, this massive lizard creature, similar to the ones being cooked at Vo the night before, but much larger with these smaller, vestigial arms by comparison as it (crunches).

TRAVIS: Is it a t-rex?

SAM: It's like Land of the Lost.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LIAM: It sure is.

MATT: Chews (gulps, sniffs). So, now, everyone, make a stealth--

TRAVIS: Means it's based on movement.

MATT: Yeah, I know.

MARISHA: Yeah!

MATT: Just make a stealth check in general.

LAURA: We don't know that.

MATT: Just make a stealth check in general.

TRAVIS: Oh no!

ASHLEY: Make a stealth check, okay.

LIAM: Does the Major Image help with that at all?

MATT: You'll find out.

LAURA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Oh, I'm so happy right now.

LAURA: I'm so scared to roll.

TRAVIS: You guys, there's a t-rex on this fucking thing or an allosaurus.

LAURA: No! (laughs)

LIAM: No good.

LAURA: No, no!

SAM: It's a group check, it's a group check. We'll be fine.

MATT: It is a group check.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: We'll be fine, guys.

LIAM: ♪ You lift me up ♪

(laughter)

MATT: So, Fjord.

TRAVIS: 15.

MATT: 15.

(groaning)

MATT: That counts as two failures.

LIAM: Seven.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: (gasps) That's two failures?

SAM: 25.

LIAM: Yeah, yeah.

ASHLEY: 17.

LIAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TALIESIN: Seven.

MARISHA: 15.

LAURA: Uh-oh.

LIAM: But Beauregard.

ASHLEY: Wait.

SAM: That's one, two, three, four failures.

MARISHA: Is that four failures?

SAM: And four successes.

LIAM: Bring out the t-rex!

MATT: You watch as it kind of like-- It's about 40 feet from you at this point and (gurgles) its big leathery tongue is curling across the outside of its teeth. The thick, dark purple blood that's dripping from the bottom of its jaw from the remnants of where the draegloth's body was torn open and then swallowed. It starts sniffing (sniffs).

ASHLEY: I put my hand on the hilt of my Skingorger just in case. Getting ready.

TALIESIN: I'm... going to cast Thaumaturgy.

SAM: What?

MATT: What are you doing?

TALIESIN: I'm creating a sound of a group of people 30 feet away just off our axis, out of its sight.

MATT: Okay, roll a deception check, if you don't mind.

TALIESIN: Deception check?

MATT: Yep, just make a standard roll.

TRAVIS: Get rid of the flare!

MATT: But you can add your wisdom modifier to it.

TALIESIN: Okay, thank you.

MARISHA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Natural 20.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

TALIESIN: Never mind.

MATT: As the sound of rustling and voices off to the side, the creature immediately (growls) (receding thudding)

LIAM: I'm so mad at you, Taliesin.

LAURA: It's not that far away.

MATT: Begins charging--

LIAM: I'm so mad at him.

MATT: -- away from it.

MARISHA: For what, because you want to fight it so bad?

SAM: I want to fight it so bad.

MATT: You guys waiting?

LIAM: I want to fight a t-rex.

SAM: Let's go chase after it.

TRAVIS: You want to go to get it?

ASHLEY: Hey!

TRAVIS: We could mind control it.

LIAM: Caleb doesn't want to! I do.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Come on, 80 hit points, we got this.

MATT: You can hear it now. It's off to the side. You can hear it angrily (growls and crunches) another the tree (rumble) slams near off. You can see some of the dust get kicked up and blown in this direction. It's searching for whatever the source of the sound is about 40 feet off from where you guys are.

MARISHA: Oh god, that's not far.

SAM: Should we sneak away?

MARISHA: Let's sneak, let's sneak.

LAURA: Yeah, we probably should.

MARISHA: Let's go, let's go.

LAURA: Should we fly? (laughs)

LIAM: How about we don't move for a moment? Don't move at all.

TRAVIS: (quietly) Yeah, Viridian, have you seen one of these?

MATT: (whispering) "I have."

TRAVIS: Do we run or freeze?

MATT: "Either. I usually run, but I can fly."

(laughter)

TRAVIS: That doesn't help us.

SAM: She keeps bringing that up every two seconds, by the way.

ASHLEY: Yeah, we get it. You can fly.

TRAVIS: Caleb, should we freeze?

LIAM: Not today.

TRAVIS: We don't move, or we move?

LIAM: No, we stay put.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LIAM: I cannot fly today. I mean, I can fly, but you cannot fly.

MATT: (thumping footsteps)

MARISHA: (whispering) I feel like its nose was really strong--

LAURA: (shushes)

SAM: (normal voice) Caleb, did you see that spell I cast earlier?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I just put my hand over Nott's mouth.

(slow heavy footsteps)

MATT: You see it starts rubbing its nose against the trunk of one of the trees, like trying to scratch an itch. (crunches and growls)

LAURA: It's so cute.

ASHLEY: I love him.

LIAM: Yeah, I was going to try to start that conversation--

LAURA: Shut up!

LIAM: -- but the group moved on without me.

SAM: Well, we could have it right now.

MATT: (receding thumping)

MATT: (receding thumping) The footsteps get quieter and quieter. The distraction combined with the illusion, it did not happen to see through, the lack of movement, and you technically failed on the stealth check, but the illusion was enough to offset it--

TRAVIS: Oh, smart fucking wizards.

MATT: -- and the Thaumaturgy distracted it enough where it didn't zero in.

ASHLEY: Yes, let's go.

LIAM: Robbed me of a T-Rex battle.

MATT: (laughs) It's okay, another day.

TRAVIS: Oh, hold him up, hold him up.

MATT: It's a shitty little T-Rex that I brought up. (laughter)

TALIESIN: So cute.

ASHLEY: I love him.

LAURA: That's a cute T-Rex.

TRAVIS: Damn.

TALIESIN: Glue some feathers on it.

ASHLEY: Wow.

MATT: So you wait for a sufficient amount of time in hopes that it's enough to not gather its attention and that it's found a new destruction or continued with whatever its venture may be.

LAURA: We could've ridden it. We could ride it all the way to volcano.

SAM: Oh, man. Vokodo would have to take heed from us if we were coming in riding on a fucking dinosaur.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: Yeah, man.

MATT: Pushing forward, Viridian begins to lead the way. At this point, you're hitting dusk. The sky itself is a bright orange turning red, and you can barely see now, passed the distance to the eastern side, the purples and blues that begin to usher in the rest of the dark night. You could hear some semblance of nighttime insects and crickets starting to make their noises, various denizens of the night coming alive. However, at the same time, you are approaching the base of the mountain. You guys are now hitting a steady incline, and it's turned from a walk into a hike, and following Viridian, as you begin to follow the switchback trail naturally up the side of the mountain, that same kind of weird, dreamlike haze still sits over this jungle and the mountain before you. You get closer and closer to it, and by the time night comes, and you watch as Viridian lights the edge of the staff. Any of you who have light sources, it would be recommended to create one at this moment as it is getting near impossible to see or those who don't need to necessarily.

TRAVIS: Yeah, summon the sword, light.

LIAM: Four globules. (plops)

MATT: Then, within a short trek up the side of the mountain, Viridian goes, "There. That is the entrance," and she points her staff towards. You can see the pathway levels out and there is a cave opening about 20 feet from end to end and a jagged top that's about 10 feet, sometimes closer to 12 feet at its apex, and it is just pitch black unto the inside of the mountain.

SAM: Is it customary to go in at night or do we have to wait till daybreak?

MATT: "I believe any time. I do not think that Vokodo rests."

LAURA: He doesn't sleep at all?

MATT: "Well, what sleep do you need when you are a god?"

LAURA: I don't know, I mean... dreaming is really fun, you know? He's missing out. Maybe that's why everything's crazy around here, you know? Maybe his dreams are crossing over into the real world.

MATT: She laughs a little bit. "I think he'll like you."

SAM: All right, then we'll go now.

TALIESIN: I think that's a good theory.

MARISHA: It's kind of a great theory.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm into it.

MATT: All right, as you approach the mouth of the cavern entrance, the volcanic smells of the island become more mineral rich. The lush plants and ferns that have taken residence around this space here are wedged in the earthy cracks of the mountainside are vibrant and a very, very healthy, larger than counterparts you've seen along the Menagerie Coast and other elements of the tropical jungles and the surrounding area. The winds are a little strong, though, as you get close to it, towards the crest where this entrance is, and you reinforce your footsteps instinctually. As you reach the foot of this cavern, there is a faint wind coming from the inside. The air is actually warmer at the opening of this cavern than the surrounding space. As night has come, the temperature has dropped, but as you get to the front of this cavern, the temperature spikes another 15 degrees or so.

TRAVIS: Is it real lush and green still, not rocky or hot or arid?

MATT: Well, it is rocky here at the base, but within the cracks of the rocks, you can see there are a lot of other elements of vegetation that have taken root, and it turns rocky the further up the mountain you go, but at this entrance as you enter, it just looks like it just goes into volcanic rock, porous, black, volcanic rock.

TRAVIS: Pretty steep where we are right now?

MATT: It was a little steep getting up there, but there's a level off platform right where this enters where you guys have even footing now that you've gotten there.

LAURA: Hey, Traveler, you here? Artagan, are you here?

SAM: This is somebody else's house, Jester.

LAURA: What?

SAM: This is somebody else's house, maybe--

LAURA: I know, but he said he was going to come because he wanted to see.

SAM: Oh, okay.

LAURA: Do you sleep? I'm not talking to you, Vo-kay-do. I'm talking to the Traveler.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: "Vo-kay-do."

LAURA: This is so weird.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: Okay, do you guys rest here or do you enter with Viridian?

SAM: Let's go in.

LAURA: We should go in.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: Hold on one moment. Come here for a second.

SAM: Yes, yes.

LIAM: I place my hand on Veth's shoulder and just cast Enlarge and expend transmutative magic to change my stone's capabilities to fire resistance rather than constitution bumping.

MATT: You got it, okay.

LIAM: You are now twice your height--

SAM: I'm enlarged.

LIAM: -- for a minute.

MARISHA: You're my size.

SAM: Whoa, this is so cool.

TRAVIS: It's a good look.

LAURA: Is Veth taller than me now?

LIAM: Ja.

LAURA: (gasps)

LIAM: For the next--

SAM: Arm wrestle.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (growling) Veth and I are going to arm wrestle.

MATT: Both of you guys make strength checks for me,

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: And I'll say for your size, add a d4 to it.

MARISHA: My strength is garbage.

LIAM: Yes, it is.

MARISHA: 16.

SAM: You said add a d4, right?

MATT: Correct. Or, you know what? No, you'd have advantage on it I would say.

LIAM: One of those ropy fists.

MATT: At this size, it is a strength based thing.

SAM: 18.

(gasping)

MATT: Straight up. It's a tense fight, but Veth takes the victory.

LAURA: Holy shit.

TALIESIN: That's cool.

MARISHA: Look, I'm more into endurance training and stamina. So, you know.

SAM: (low voice) I get it, I get it.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Give me a hug, though.

TRAVIS: Whoa.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah!

MATT: Mid-hug, Veth shrinks down to normal size.

SAM: Oh, okay, I'm back to --

LIAM: She just hangs from Beau's arms.

TRAVIS: Beefy, my gosh.

MATT: Viridian's standing there, staff leaning against the entrance of the cave, arms crossed, looking over. "You're a very strange bunch."

TALIESIN: Thank you.

SAM: Yeah, we can't fly, but we're okay.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we appreciate you taking such--

LAURA: I mean they can't fly, I can.

LIAM: Some of us can fly.

LAURA: I can fly.

LIAM: I mean, not today, but on a different day.

LAURA: I can fly today. I just didn't want to leave everyone behind.

LIAM: I turned into an owl just six hours ago you saw.

MATT: "I saw that, it was impressive, yeah."

ASHLEY: Wait, I can't remember. Can you fly?

(laughter)

MATT: "I'm beginning to sense that there is a-- I may have misspoken, and I apologize if I had been--"

ASHLEY: No, I'm just giving you shit.

TRAVIS: We joke with the people that we like, and we want to thank you for taking such excellent care of us. Tap on her shoulder.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I'll cast Land on Hands and dump five hit points to see if I can cure a disease or neutralize poison.

MATT: Okay, as you touch the shoulder, there is a small flash of divine energy and she looks back and goes, "Well, I wasn't injured, but thank you. I appreciate you looking out."

TRAVIS: Just a thank you.

MARISHA: (laughs)

SAM: Maybe you had to touch her boob?

TRAVIS: I'm not touching any boobs.

SAM: Just saying.

LAURA: How are you feeling? How do you feel now? How do you feel now? You feel okay?

MATT: "I feel fine."

LAURA: Okay, just checking.

TRAVIS: Jester felt so bad after we went through the mosquitoes and the insects--

SAM: Where were you from again originally?

MATT: "I don't recall."

LAURA: How long have you been a druid?

TRAVIS: Damn, fucking balls, they forget!

LAURA: Are you an arch fey? How long have you been a druid? How long have you known how to shape foliage?

MATT: "Since I've been here."

LIAM: Do you remember what the place was like that you are from. Maybe you don't remember names, but do you remember was it a cold place or perhaps a dry climate?

MATT: "No."

LIAM: Urban? Rustic?

TALIESIN: How intense are we to actually solve this particular riddle before we go inside.

MATT: "If you're worried about any sort of toxins, as part of my druidic practice, poisons don't seem to take heed in my body."

TRAVIS: Oh, shit, right.

LAURA: Oh, that's why the bugs don't bother you.

TRAVIS: Not that much, I don't think, not yet. We'll see, I may regret this.

MATT: "Regardless, shall we?"

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: All right, the same marching order, or are you switching it up a bit?

LIAM: I cannot see the order. I'm so far away.

MATT: We have Viridian in the front with Caduceus, then we have Beau and Yasha, then we have Caleb, Jester, and then Fjord and Veth.

SAM: We're going into lava area. Anyone fire resistant or fire-- you are?

MATT: He is now with the stone.

LIAM: I am now.

SAM: Okay, yeah, maybe you should go up front.

LAURA: Yeah, but he's still super weak, though.

MARISHA: Yeah, I don't know if I'd put you up front.

LAURA: I mean, you're super, like, strong--

MARISHA: Yeah, you're valuable.

TALIESIN: I'd rather the fire resistance be a last--

MARISHA: Just stay in the middle.

LIAM: (sniffs)

TALIESIN: You're not a shield.

LAURA: I'm just saying your arms are really, really scrawny.

LIAM: You smell like crayons.

ASHLEY: Yeah, sometimes I do.

TRAVIS: Crayons?

LIAM: Tickles my nose.

TRAVIS: Is that a Zemnian thing, crayons?

MATT: So are we good with this order?

TRAVIS: Yes, we're good, we're good.

TALIESIN: Yes, apologize.

MATT: All right. So stepping within the entrance to the interior cavern at the base of Rumblecusp mountain proper, the black, porous rock that surrounds you is rough to the touch for any that are skirting along the sides of it, crumbly but still, at times, sharp and catching the finger in a way that hurts. The air is dry and definitely warmer once you've stepped fully within the tunnel itself. Your nostrils sting slightly with a ripe, aromatic mixture of vitriolic scents that seem to be coming with this wind. It is lightless beyond the sources you have, and you plunge further down the steady decline of the winding tunnel deeper into the mountain.

TRAVIS: Shit.

MARISHA: We're going down.

MATT: And that's where we're taking a break.

(grumbling)

ASHLEY: I just want to keep playing forever.

MATT: I know, well, let's take a break, and we can come back. There's another part of the story, don't worry. We'll be back here in a few minutes while we take a break. We'll see you guys here shortly.

LIAM: Yay! TRAVIS: Yay!

Break
(upbeat music) ♪ You got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click, open the web page ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you're ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In a mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It's D&D, D&D ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah D&D, D&D ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you've got your swords ♪ ♪ And you got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It's D&D, D&D ♪ ♪ D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ Well, this is actually where the headbutts come in. And then they headbutt. And they headbutt, and they headbutt, and they headbutt again! And they headbutt. (growls) And I've got to admit, I don't remember anything else that happened at all. (light music) Hey, Critters, Laura Bailey here. Let's see what's up in the Critical Role shop. It's perfect for the home or the office, or your bathroom. Ooh, look at this, look at the details, ooh. Darling, I'd recommend buying two, one for you and another for you, let's be honest. It's so cute, I can't handle it. (cat meows) This is a lot of stuff, you guys, we have like so many cool things right now. All this and more, now available in the Critical Role shop. (cheerful music) We're here talking about rap battles because this next critter hug goes out to the Hollabacknerds and their insane Critical Role rap battle video. Yes, that sentence is correct, you heard me. They are a trio of nerds from multiple corners of the world, Kieren Berling, Gemma Mercott, AKA Nerd By Night Cosplay, and Danny Durato. Everything from the writing, the vocals, the costume, the makeup, the production, the editing, all done by them. Their most recent video is Yasha versus Beauregard. Once again, that's right, ya heard me, so here's a little taste. ♪ Hit me with a truth punch ♪ ♪ Every verse stays the same ♪ ♪ Since I held you at the circus ♪ ♪ I have carried this campaign ♪ ♪ Beau's ass is as thin as bo staff, she's Beau'ned ♪ ♪ I'm radiant swole, more gun control than Whitestone ♪ ♪ Wait, you're still here ♪ ♪ Is that a diss I'm hearing ♪ ♪ We call you Blink Dog ♪ ♪ 'Cause this bitch keeps disappearing ♪ ♪ Where do you go, Yasha ♪ ♪ Blue sky when you're not there ♪ ♪ A feathered hulk sulking like a goth owlbear ♪ ♪ I'll crush this secret agent, tearing down the old guard ♪ ♪ Where's your license to kill ♪ ♪ This is a library card ♪ ♪ There's a snitch in the Nein ♪ ♪ So my next attack's reckless ♪ ♪ Nott and I both eat rats for breakfast ♪ ♪ I stand sentinel, hit genitals ♪ ♪ With stunning strike power ♪ ♪ Call a cleric if you're stiff for more than four hours ♪ ♪ I steal your thunder like Lorenzo's highway robbery ♪ ♪ Your time as a bodyguard was a Molly-mockery ♪ ♪ Open my wife's book ♪ ♪ Press this pansy on a page ♪ ♪ 'Cause I would like to ♪ ♪ Drop the deuce ♪ It's so good. That was the greatest thing I've ever seen. It's so good. That was so good! And not just the fact that they wrote a Critical Role themed rap, but the cosplay was amazing! It's every facet of it is done to such a level of quality that it's extremely humbling and amazing from our standpoint, doing this show, and just another example of how many talented artists are out there doing cool shit. Go subscribe to the Hollabacknerds on YouTube, because they do some really fun stuff, and Kieren and Danny have another YouTube band called Cat, Hat, Fiddle, and Friends, and you can follow Gemma's cosplay @Nerdbynight on Twitter. A lot of people I know who are extremely talented at this. I am not one of 'em. I trip over my words constantly, which is a shame because words are like my job. Hey, same. Right?! I feel ya, right there. So I'm like, I can't form sentence, see, it's happening right now, which is why... Who would you want to see next in a rap battle? I would want to see campaign one versus campaign two, like themselves. Oh shit. Yeah, right? That's actually pretty cool. Wouldn't that be pretty cool? Like Keyla vs Beau, like a rap battle? That's what I'd want to see. That'd be pretty rad. I'd like to see a throwdown between guest characters. Oh god. We're talking like if we want to bring in Keg versus Reani in a full-on throwdown. That would get really personal, really fast, and it would just be about sleeping with Beau. Yeah. You know what, that's exactly what- That's kinda why I'm down here for this. That's why I want it. Marisha, you over there? Are you ready? (cheerful music) (Pumat grunting) (Pumat chuckles) Would you look at that? I think it worked. You were right, Pumat number three. All we had to do was invoke that subscription cantrip. Pumat number three? Oh boy. Well, hello there. I'm Pumat Prime. It's good to finally join you here in the prime dimension. I see this as the Twitch Prime realm, I think, and oh, we're on the Critical Role channel, aren't we? Well, would you look at that, you got chat and everything. (Pumat chuckles) Respectfully, I was looking for the prime rib realm, but this isn't too bad. You see, if you already have access to the Amazon Prime realm, you can get a free subscription to the channel of your choice in the Twitch Prime realm. The two realms have a pretty good working relationship after that peace treaty the prime minister signed a few years back. You just have to remember to renew your Twitch Prime subscription at the top of each month, respectfully. And hey, if you're already a subscriber, you can spread the joy by gifting a subscription using the Gift a Sub button. That is, assuming the Empire hasn't sent a tax man to your shop here recently. (chuckling) All right, well, off to find that darn elusive prime rib realm. Who knew the prime dimension had so many pockets? Good luck. (chuckles) Pumat three? Subscribe. Re-subscribe. Brian Foster is not a cabbage.

Part II
MATT: And welcome back. So, Mighty Nein. As you step into the dark interior of the central volcanic mountain of Rumblecrusp, Viridian leads you deeper in, saying-- what?

SAM: Saying what?

LAURA: What?

MATT: I don't know.

LAURA: She said what?

SAM: What?

MATT: Don't make fun of my speech hiccups.

MARISHA: Sorry, I just liked "Rumblecrusp."

MATT: Rumblecrusp was good.

TRAVIS: I heard it too, but I wasn't sure.

MATT: Occasionally the brain gets mixed up and my impediment kicks in. My apologies.

MARISHA: It sounds delicious.

ASHLEY: The Rumblecrusp--

MARISHA: I want a Rumblecrusp right now.

MATT: (laughs)

TALIESIN: God, I would kill for it.

SAM: Oh, blueberry Rumblecrusp. Every detail's important, Matt. We want to make sure we're not missing it.

ASHLEY: Rumblecrusp crumble.

MARISHA: New, from Slayer's Cake.

MATT: Just adding some more hit points to the next battle.

TRAVIS: No!

LAURA: No!

(laughter)

MATT: Pressing inward, Viridian does say, "These tunnels can be a bit confusing the further in we go, but the waters are safe. They're breathable, actually. The fire god is welcoming and keeps the various tunnels and elements of water within his mountain abode welcoming as well."

TRAVIS and SAM: The water is breathable?

MATT: "Indeed."

TRAVIS: As in you can submerge yourself in liquid water and breathe?

MATT: "Yes."

SAM: No, thanks.

TALIESIN: You seem very surprised considering we've done that before.

TRAVIS: With magic.

TALIESIN: I mean, I think this is magic water.

LAURA: Well, I bet this is magic here, too.

TRAVIS: Wonderful, lead on.

MATT: "I do warn, though, the air grows heavier and toxic as we travel deeper in. Best to make haste to the water as soon as we can," and she begins to pick up her pace a bit.

LAURA: Everybody brought their masks, right?

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay, good.

MATT: As you continue down the slowly winding decline of this pathway, this tunnel that goes deeper and further beneath the mountain, that acrid taste in your mouth as the various chemical gases that mix with the air and the warm wind that's blowing through this tunnel past you as you go. You can taste that very chemical, metallic-type flavor, and the air itself does become heavier and heavier as you go.

LAURA: I get out my mom's perfume, my lavender oil, and I put a little bit on a piece of cloth and hold it in front of my nose.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Essential oils.

MARISHA: It's the same kind of irony, acrid smell that I smelled before earlier in the forest?

MATT: Similar in some ways in the fact that there are a lot of... mineral elements that are not common towards the surface, but it is a different type. The air is getting heavier and Viridian says at a certain point, "While the toxins don't affect me, perhaps try your best to hold your breath."

TRAVIS: (inhales)

MATT: Do you all take a deep breath?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I don't take a deep breath, I just hold it.

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: Okay, you got it.

LAURA: I didn't want to take a deep breath because there's already toxins in the air.

MATT: True.

MARISHA: That's a good point, yeah.

MATT: So all of you beginning to push forward. Those of you who took a breath, you can hold your breath for a number of minutes equal to one plus your constitution modifier.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LIAM: Oh boy.

MATT: So what is that for you?

TRAVIS: For me, that is-- the modifier?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: So five.

MATT: Okay, so, five minutes you can hold your breath.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: You, because you didn't take a deep breath, you lose the one base. So, what's your constitution modifier?

LAURA: Oh. Three.

MATT: Three, so, you can hold your breath for three minutes.

LIAM: Total of three.

MATT: Three.

SAM: Two total.

MATT: Two minutes.

ASHLEY: Eight minutes.

LAURA: Holy--

TRAVIS: Fuck, let's go, fam.

ASHLEY: What?

SAM: She's got a third lung.

ASHLEY: My constitution is a plus seven.

LIAM: That can come in handy.

MATT: Your saving throw is plus seven, but just the modifier.

ASHLEY: Fuck.

(laughter)

MATT: It's all good.

ASHLEY: I'm all cocky about it.

TRAVIS: 12 minutes.

LIAM: She gets down starts doing one-handed push-ups with her mouth closed.

ASHLEY: Three.

MATT: There you go, three minutes.

ASHLEY: That makes more sense.

MATT: Plus the one?

ASHLEY: Three.

MATT: Okay, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Four.

MATT: All right, and Beauregard?

MARISHA: Four, yeah.

MATT: All right. So, with the breaths that you have held, you continue down this pathway as Viridian is leading. The floor itself is rocky and jagged, and as you are rushing, you can see the topography itself drop at times, and your boots catch and in some cases, split or cut against the obsidian flakes and edges of the sharpened broken rock. And pushing as fast as you can, if everyone could go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw for me.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MARISHA: Save?

MATT: Yes, to move quickly through here, but without tripping or stumbling your way down the decline.

LAURA: Using too much of your held air either.

TRAVIS: 10.

MATT: 10, got it.

LAURA: ♪ N-n-n-n-nineteen ♪

MATT: Nice.

LIAM: I failed, but I will use my ring of evasion to succeed.

MATT: You got it.

SAM: 29.

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: 20.

TALIESIN: 11.

MARISHA: 11, I rolled a two.

SAM: Oof.

MATT: Okay, Caduceus, Beauregard, and Fjord. As you guys are all rushing and following Viridian, Fjord, you turn one corner and your knee slams into the edge of a sharpened blade. It cuts through. It doesn't do damage as you pulled back just in time. You feel the impact, and it would have done some damage, but in doing so, the back foot hits a crumpled part of a ledge and you fall back. (crunches) Hit the ground as you do. (gasps) The air escapes. You do lose two minutes of breath.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

TRAVIS: I'm down with you normies at three.

MATT: All right. Caduceus, as you see Fjord hit the ground, you slowly climb down the edge and move ahead, and as you do, you hit a small-- it's like a slick patch of condensation on the ground. You skid for a moment and you catch yourself, and as you sit up, you realize, as you were keeping low and skidding, that this portion of the ceiling is a bit lower than expected and you (bumps) hit your head.

TALIESIN: I'm fine, everybody, I'm--

MATT: You lose two minutes of breath.

TRAVIS: Oh, wow.

MATT: Beauregard, you see this happen to Caduceus and instinctually laugh and lose two minutes of breath.

MARISHA: (laughs)

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Amazing.

LIAM: That's just right.

TRAVIS: So, I'm at three--

ASHLEY: That was just right.

TRAVIS: You're at two, and you're at one?

MATT: It is a three minute journey. So those of you who are at two minutes or lower, I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

TALIESIN: I'm also going to give myself a little Resistance before I breathe in.

MATT: Okay, Resistance of?

TALIESIN: Constitution?

MATT: Okay, add your--

TALIESIN: Yeah, just a--

MARISHA: Con save?

MATT: Con save, so, that is?

MARISHA: 20 total.

MATT: 20 total, great.

TALIESIN: (sighs) 10.

MATT: Got it, and you, Veth?

SAM: A 17, I breathe through my clothes.

MATT: Okay, you just barely make it. In trying to breathe in as you need to, the lungs are burning and you find yourself instinctually, to survive, breathing in. It stings and burns the inside of your throat and your lungs. The temperature itself is hot enough in this space, but the toxins that now swim in the invisible air around you just burn horribly. You manage to shrug off the majority of the pain. You all rolled above a 17?

LAURA: Hmm. Mm-mm. He rolled a 10.

MATT: No, you rolled a 10, right, yeah. The two of you manage to inhale and it burns, but you push forward. Caduceus, it seizes the inside of your chest for a moment, and you find yourself poisoned for the next 24 hours.

LAURA: Oh no. I notice Sprinkle's looking a little uncomfortable. (laughter) I'm going to hold up my lavender cloth to his nose, too.

MATT: Roll a very, very tiny constitution saving throw for me, if you don't mind.

LAURA: Do I just roll that with a d4?

MATT: Roll a d12 or d20,

TRAVIS: (like Sprinkle) (panting)

MATT: Just a straight roll.

LIAM: (like Sprinkle) (gasps)

LAURA: 17.

MATT: But yet, the toughest-- This guy, who's survived and endured so much, this spindly little creature of nature who has been blessed by the Wild Mother, it seems, much like two of your compatriots, is (tiny hacking), but manages to shrug off the toxic effects of the air.

LIAM: (like Sprinkle) I am my scars.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: (like Sprinkle) Why?

MATT: The air is growing more humid as the dryness of it begins to fade. As you curve around, the moisture in the air grows thicker, and you begin to see a faint, orange glow around the bend.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

MATT: As you curve around the tunnel, you begin to see small orange and red plants growing all along the floor and walls and ceiling emitting a faint glow of the same color. They have a flowered seaweed-type look to them, a rubbery texture, and you can see, now, the interior volcanic rock that encompasses this tunnel is, in itself, glistening with moisture. The plants, themselves, are well embedded within the various nooks and crannies of the volcanic rock, and you can see, occasionally every few seconds, droplets (plops) of condensation splashing in the path ahead.

LAURA: Does the water feel hot if it lands on us?

MATT: Do you want to go underneath the water?

LAURA: Oh, I just thought the condensation falling was going to fall on us sometimes.

MATT: Sure, and it does, and it doesn't burn through you. It's not acid, but the temperature in here is very, very, uncomfortably hot. The tunnel slopes to an end, finally, and the floor itself is now being taken with a liquid surface. A pool of faintly steaming water, roughly 30 feet across, and the ceiling slopes and ends at the other edge of this pool. Beneath the water, you can see a faint bioluminescent glow of that same orange coming from plants that now suffuse the entirety beneath the water. Viridian stops at the edge as well and looks down, and turns back to you. Anyone here trained in nature? Proficient in nature?

TALIESIN: You'd think so, but no.

SAM: We all know that the dump stat.

(laughter)

LIAM: Sorry, Kiki.

MARISHA: Yeah, I know. Keyleth is crying somewhere and she doesn't know why.

MATT: Viridian at this point, though, does go, "Be warned, these and those are torch blooms. They're Fire Plane-native plants that live off the dense nutrients of the inside of this mountain, volcanic regions and such."

LAURA: Cool.

MATT: "Avoid touching them, if you can."

TRAVIS: Will they be under the water? I can't, I'm not talking.

LAURA: Will they be under the water as well?

MATT: "Yes."

LAURA: Okay!

MATT: And you watch as she then begins-- SAM: How do you do that?

MATT: -- to wade into the water before diving below the surface, and Viridian vanishes from view.

MARISHA: Did you ever want to try ventriloquism or something? Fucking-- like, that's insane.

MATT: Is anyone following?

SAM: Ooh, next campaign.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: Yes, yes, yes, we're going, we're going.

SAM: Next campaign, you're going to have a dummy.

MATT: As you begin to wade into the water, it is very warm. It's like a hot tub, like. It's not to the point of discomfort. It's very hot, and you can see the steam rising off of it as you begin to submerge, but it's not scalding. As you continue to step inward and watch as the surface eventually comes up over the top, there's that uncomfortable moment where the breath begins to give out. You look around you, and as your feet begin to step off the floor and you're now floating above, you can see where the blossoms, the torch blooms just completely coat the bottom of this little lake.

LAURA: I'm just going to reach out, I'm going to look at Veth, and I'm going to hold her hand.

SAM: Thank you, because I'm not going in there otherwise.

TRAVIS: I'll watch everyone's expressions. If anyone panics, I'll cast underwater breathing on everybody.

SAM: I'll pull off my Ring of Water Walking, close my eyes and just let her pull me in.

MATT: Okay, it is warm, which is a nice comfort compared to all the cold water that you've hated being a part of before, but those of you who are on the cusp of losing their breath, you reach a moment where you have to inhale, and as you do, the water fills your lungs, but it's not as thick as you'd expect. It's thicker than air, but it's lighter than the sensation of swimming through it, and your body instinctually panics for a moment. You begin to seize a bit as you feel the body goes through the process of the beginning stages of downing, and then it calms. As you exhale and inhale and exhale.

SAM: I'm freaking out.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: It's a little wild, but the water is breathable.

TALIESIN: Can we hear each other down here?

TRAVIS: The Abyss.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: It is very similar to The Abyss, actually, yeah.

LIAM: Little white rat?

TALIESIN: In that case, real quick. Lesser Restoration, just I don't feel good.

MATT: Okay, Lesser Restoration. You remove the poison on yourself.

SAM: Oh, that was easy.

TALIESIN: Well, it's a spell slot gone.

MATT: Yeah. It takes a while for you to calm down, but you do reach a point where you're calmer. It's still a very odd sensation, but you're all swimming around this larger lake that descends further before coming to an end, and you can see Viridian swimming towards this heavy cluster of torch booms, and looking back in your direction gives a hand motion to follow. She begins to speak, and it's interesting. The water carries the vocal vibrations. It is slower. So all the voices come across as deeper and a little sludgy, but you can speak amongst this, and as Viridian says, "Once again, avoid the blooms."

LAURA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Don't touch the flowers.

SAM: (low-pitched Veth scream-sigh)

MATT: She turns towards this heavy wall of tangled torch bloom plant mass, and you watch as it begins to pull away at her approach and reveal a continuing tunnel that delves down at a steeper almost 80-degree angle from where you are.

LAURA: We have to swim at an 80 degree angle?

MARISHA: That's hard.

LAURA: Good thing we're all very strong swimmers.

TALIESIN: (uneasy noise)

MATT: You begin making your way down to follow Viridian. What is the marching order now? The tunnel itself that she's going into is about 10 feet across and the interior is completely surrounded by torch blooms. So you can only really go single file and you have to be careful.

TRAVIS: I'll go first since my swim speed is my normal speed.

LAURA: I'm going to let Nott go in between me and Fjord since he's the strongest swimmer.

MATT: All right, so, Nott between you and Fjord.

SAM: (frustrated noise)

LAURA: I've got your back.

MATT: Who's after Jester?

LAURA: I'm right here.

MARISHA: I'll go after Jester.

TALIESIN: And I'll go after Beau.

MATT: All right, and then Caleb and Yasha?

LIAM: Yeah, I'll go second to last.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, I'll go last.

MATT: All right, and Yasha's at the caboose. Got it. All right.

SAM: I'm just closing my eyes this whole time. You got to push me.

LAURA: Well, it's difficult. You need to open your eyes.

SAM: Mm-mm.

LAURA: Veth, open your eyes.

SAM: Nope.

LIAM: (low-pitched mumbling)

MATT: You all begin to make your way through, and you can see the tunnel shifts rapidly and splinters off into different directions. There's a strange sensation as you hit this portion of the water. I need everybody to make a wisdom saving throw, please.

TRAVIS: Shit.

MARISHA: A wisdom save.

TRAVIS: Come on, man. I got to be rolling better than I have been.

LIAM: I also have a question.

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

LIAM: Viridian described all these passages as confusing as we've been going. Are they supernaturally confusing? Or has Caleb been able to track their progression?

MATT: You've just begun to see the splintering points. So, so far at the moment, Viridian seems to be swimming with purpose, and has a confidence to the path, and you know that she is the one who interfaces often with Vokodo. So following her seems to be the best course of action. From what you've seen so far, it could be confusing for somebody who does not know the pathway.

LIAM: But I guess my question is: Does Keen Mind let me remember the exact path we took?

MATT: It would, yes. If you had to backtrack, you'd know that.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Natural 20 for 23.

MATT: Nice.

MATT: 11?

SAM: 110.

MARISHA: Two.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: 26.

MATT: 26.

SAM: 10.

MATT: 10.

ASHLEY: 14.

MATT: 14.

TALIESIN: 27.

MATT: 27.

MARISHA: 17.

MATT: 17, okay. Yasha, Veth, and Jester, as you're following Viridian, there's something thrilling about this location you're in. The mystery of what's beyond. There's something almost calling you. There's a drive, a force. There's something that's pulling you in the same direction as Viridian, but you can sense something's close, and you have to see it. You have to get there, and you weirdly know the way, and so as you all are swimming and following Viridian, you watch as Yasha begins to push past, and Jester and Veth. Suddenly confidence takes you, Veth, and the water is not so scary. This curiosity, this driving force is much stronger than the fear that has been welling up inside you, and you are all taking the lead behind Viridian. You guys watch as they push past and begin scrambling to the front of this line.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: Oh, well, fine.

SAM: Still going in the right direction, though, right?

MATT: Still following Viridian, and it's splintering. Some tunnels are curving off. Some are smaller, some are larger. Some are similar size to what you're at, but she seems to be following a very particular journey.

MARISHA: Beau just looks at Fjord and shrugs.

LAURA: ♪ We're going to lose our memories sometime ♪

MARISHA: Jeez Louise, all right.

SAM: It's all good.

LAURA: I can't wait to get to where we're going.

(laughter)

SAM: This is fun.

ASHLEY: Me too.

MARISHA: Is my voice deeper?

TRAVIS: That did nothing when you talked. You just did this.

MARISHA: (mumbles)

TRAVIS: Is my voice deeper?

TALIESIN: It just sounds like, well.

TRAVIS: Oh boy. Oh, hello.

MARISHA: We're in a pandemic.

(laughter)

MATT: Yeah, we're all getting a bit loopy now. Pushing through this network of tunnels for about 10 minutes or so, the anxiety begins to build in the stomachs of those who watched their friends hurry on ahead, and you fight to keep up. There is a fervor to the pace of swimming that them and Viridian are taking, and as you struggle to keep up--

TRAVIS: Can I try and match the three that are anxious since my swimming speed is the fastest.

MATT: You have no problem with this.

TRAVIS: Okay, just in case they get too far ahead. Then, at least, it's Viridian and I plus three.

LIAM: And the rest of us are slowed, right?

TRAVIS: Half your speed, right, in the water?

MATT: Half speed.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: But you push on for about 10 or so odd minutes of adjustment before the pathway suddenly expands into a gargantuan underwater chamber where you can see the rough, black, glassy volcanic rock is broken by heavy patches of torch bloom in corners giving off this pockets of light in this otherwise lightless room. You can see vents bubbling forth from breaks in the rock and little stalagmites of the same volcanic pillar covered in gathered minerals, and this gas escapes and gathers in the ceiling and then vanishes through small cracks. You can see heavy stalactites that come down, some only a few feet, some maybe a 40-foot ceiling about you, some of them almost touch the ground. It is a jagged forest of upside down rock coming from above. You can see this slight movement as you come in and the water disturbs bit that some of the nearby torch bloom plants sway with the movement of the water. As you all swim and enter this chamber, you can see some of the rock walls, themselves, glow faintly orange with heat like there is some sort of volcanic proximity. You've now all entered the chamber, and those of you who were anxious to get here, you've arrived.

LAURA: Does it feel like-- do we know we've arrived?

MATT: You do, you know you arrived, and then you're like: Why did we-- what are we arriving for?

TRAVIS: Cavern space is about how big again?

MATT: From edge to edge, from where you're entering now across the way, I'd say it's close to 100 or so feet or more on the opposite side, and from what you can see, you're not able to see the other edge. You just see one edge of the tunnel and a curving wall around one side, and there are platforms of rock that rise up. There's a slight, like a bridge over one growth where it looks like elements of the nearby rocks have tumbled in and created a small incline or just built over time from the elements and minerals that are gathering. You can see on the opposite end just barely out of sight and from a nearby glow, looks like a large pillar of rock that twists up and then stops. It's really wild interior here, but you're free to swim, if you'd like.

TALIESIN: I'm just going to thank a bunch of plants. Thank you for making that clear. You didn't have to. I really appreciate it. We'll be coming back real soon. We'll see you again.

MATT: As you turn and look, Caduceus, you notice that the torch bloom has completely enclosed the tunnel behind you. It has expanded and swollen and knotted the path that you took.

TALIESIN: We'll be coming back out soon, but thank you.

TRAVIS: Can I swim forward a little bit and just extend Divine Sense in this watery cavern?

MATT: You may, you may indeed.

TRAVIS: 60 feet; celestial, fiend, or undead.

MATT: All righty. You put the sense out there in this space and... nothing catches your mind. Nothing catches your sense.

LIAM: Caleb is going to start looking for anything that is not natural, anything that is man-made or humanoid made or of civilization--

MATT: Make a perception check.

LIAM: -- or higher intelligence, yeah.

LAURA: Do we still feel anxious, like with a higher purpose of getting here or now that we're here, do we feel like that's calmed down a bit?

MATT: Now that you're here, that's washed away. It's calm.

TALIESIN: Do we still feel like we're being watched?

MATT: Yes, you do. In fact, it's more intense than it's ever been.

LIAM: 25 on perception.

MATT: 25. You glance around, and the first thing you notice as you enter the chamber and swim out a bit is there are a couple of shiny glints at some parts of the floor. You glance over, and the one nearest to you, you look over, and it looks like a coin, a gold piece or a silver piece just catching the light, and you see a few more scattered about 10 or so feet from there and a handful that are resting on elements of rock in the middle of this underwater cavern.

LIAM: Without touching it, can I focus on one and get closer to it and see if it is indeed a coin or something else?

MATT: Yeah, you swim forward and you grab it and it is--

LIAM: Without touching.

MATT: Oh, without touching, okay. Looking at it, it's got a little bit of soot on one edge of it, but it does appear to be a Dwendalian gold piece.

LIAM: Ah.

SAM: Hm.

TRAVIS: It's a wishing well.

ASHLEY: What's-- yeah.

SAM: It's our time down here.

LIAM: This is our time.

SAM: It's our time.

ASHLEY: Viridian, how did you find this place?

MATT: "He calls us here, and he is here." And she swims out a little bit into the open space. "Vokodo. I come with new... friends." At which point, simultaneously, sourceless but deep in your mind, a presence... is there. It's not language. It's images and shapes and emotions. It is alien, yet still familiar. Your brain takes these tangled masses of experiences and processes it as language best that it can, and it speaks to you. "I have sensed you since you found paradise. You come to look upon the center of the world and kneel."

TRAVIS: "Center of the world and kneel"?

SAM: Should we kneel?

MARISHA: Can we kneel? We're in water.

TALIESIN: I think we're swimming.

SAM: Oh, are we in water?

LAURA: Yeah, we are still in the water.

SAM: We can't kneel.

TRAVIS: Are we on the floor or are we in stasis in like hovering buoyantly in the middle of water.

MATT: That's up to you guys. You guys can lower yourself and walk along the floor or swim along the floor if you want.

TRAVIS: What is up?

MATT: Looking up, you see all the heavy rock stalactites that are coming down at different levels.

TRAVIS: Just solid water to the roof?

MATT: From what you can tell, yeah. And your light source is fairly limited at the moment. It's just little bits of frost bloom--or, sorry, of torch bloom and the spells that you have active. Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: I get 20 feet from the sword. 18.

MATT: 18, okay. As this voice is happening, and Caleb, at this point, too, as you are hearing this voice, you glance up, and in the center of the ceiling amongst the heavy points of rock that descend, you see a couple other glints, a couple other little momentary shines of light reflecting off other metallic surfaces similar to the one that you noticed. Viridian speaks out and says, "Vokodo, great fire lord and protector of the realm, these people come to ask a favor." There's a momentary pause before it says, "Ah. Speak of this favor, new blood."

SAM: Maybe we should give some gifts first.

TRAVIS: Did he say "new blood"?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Some gifts?

ASHLEY: New blood.

TRAVIS: New blood, new blood.

LAURA: Oh, well, okay.

SAM: Maybe?

LAURA: Do you want some presents before we ask you a favor? Or do you just want--

MATT: Before you can finish, "Yes, presents."

LAURA: Oh, presents, he wants presents.

SAM: So, while swimming, I guess, I'll try to reach down through my pockets and sink a little and come back up, and I have a little, tiny diamond. It's worth 50 gold. Blessings to you, Vokodo. Take this as a symbol of our peace offering, And I just throw it.

MATT: You throw it?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, you chuck it and see it (whooshes). There is a slight (shushes) shift of movement in the shadow above, and it's gone.

SAM: Did that please you?

MATT: "Yes."

SAM: Okay, okay, okay.

LAURA: Nice, nice, nice, nice, nice.

SAM: Come on, pony up, everyone.

MARISHA: I give him my two gold rings that I have, and I pull them out in my hand, and I just open my hand, and I say, these are for you.

TRAVIS: Oh, you're going to make him eat out of your hand?

MARISHA: It's a mistake that I have made several times in D&D, but here we go.

MATT: Okay, you wait and wait, (laughs) and you hear this low, almost a guttural rasp or a purr is the best way I can describe it. It's just like (growls), and for a moment, you see images in your mind, briefly, of shines and glittering things, and silver clouts, and in that brief moment, you look back at your hand, and the rings are gone. You all, actually it would be Caduceus and Caleb, as you watch Beauregard recoil a moment briefly taken with the vision, you see something dark, this long, black tendril just rapidly (shushes) and snatch the rings out of her hand, and then withdraw back into the dark, lightless ceiling of the chamber. TRAVIS: Okay. I'll reach into my coin purse and grab a handful. Let's call it 10 gold, and I'll throw it up towards the ceiling.

MATT: Okay, you throw the coins up, and one by one, they just go out.

LAURA: I...

MATT: You two and you now can see with each of these coins, these tendrils kind of (whips) and fish each out with fairly incredible speed--

MARISHA: Oh shit.

MATT: -- all emerging from the central ceiling of the chamber.

TRAVIS: No, no.

LAURA: What?

MARISHA: I don't know.

TRAVIS: I know.

ASHLEY: Wait, I was seeing how much money I had.

LAURA: What are you thinking?

ASHLEY: What happened?

TRAVIS: I mean--

LAURA: I am going to pull out my one white sequined glove (laughter) that I've had with me since the very beginning, and I'm going to throw it into the air.

TRAVIS: Not the glove, Jester, no.

LAURA: It sparkles!

SAM: It's so valuable.

LAURA: I know. SAM: It's too valuable.

LAURA: I've been holding onto it for so long.

MATT: The sequined glove travels approximately a foot and a half as it is not a very--

LAURA: Flow. (laughs)

MATT: Yeah, It doesn't have a lot of heft behind it against the water.

TRAVIS: A lot of drag.

MATT: Yeah, A lot of drag on that one. And it just shimmers a bit, and then slowly begins to drift-- (laughter) towards the ground.

LAURA: Aw, come on.

LIAM: Similar to Beauregard, I also have a gold ring--

SAM: It just floats back to Jester.

TRAVIS: Yeah, shoves it back. LIAM: --that I got somewhere, and I'll just put it on my thumb and flip it through the water.

MATT: Okay, (whoops and snips) snatched out of the water once more.

TALIESIN: I'll do the 10 gold as well and spread them far out. See what happens.

LIAM: Spread 'em.

MATT: As you throw them out a little bit, you see something in the shadow shift to one side, and then (whoosh) a few are fished out. You see things wrapping around the outside of these stalactites and pulling itself to the other side and snatching the other bits before resting back in the shadow. You see glimmers of orange, slight glows that spike and brighten for a second and then vanish in the shadow, like the embers at the edge of somebody burning a pipe, brighten and then darken once more.

LAURA: Did you not want this glove?

MATT: "You've earned a discussion."

SAM: Just take it back.

LAURA: I'm just going to pick it up.

(laughter)

SAM: It's just sad.

MATT: "What is your request?"

LAURA: Well, we were hoping to have a party on your island.

SAM: You're leading, I mean--

LAURA: I mean, just what else am I going to do?

SAM: Yes, but-- okay.

TALIESIN: Just go with it. It's just got to go.

LAURA: This is a really cool island and so we thought maybe we could have a party here and invite a bunch of people.

LIAM: A big party.

LAURA: I don't know how many will come.

LIAM: Fairly medium-sized.

MATT: You can see the images flash into your mind, images of ships coming to the beaches of the island and people offloading and the emotions mingle with that, and once again, your brain interprets these images and these thoughts and these feelings as language.

MATT: "How many?"

LAURA: I wish I had a better answer, you know? It could be 20. It could be 200.

SAM: We hope 200.

LAURA: I don't think it'll be that many. It's all really hard trip, you know? And I don't know.

MATT: "And why do they come?"

LAURA: Well, I have this friend who... is... also a god who thought maybe it would be fun to hang out with you and get to know you and have a party at your house.

SAM: Your island is fantastic.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. SAM: It's a paradise. It's sought after across the seas.

LAURA: Obviously, center of the world and all that. People have heard of it far and wide.

SAM: Even other gods want to experience it.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: "A god that... seeks a party?"

LAURA: Yeah, well, he's a pretty cool guy, and he likes to party.

MATT: "Please elaborate."

TRAVIS: Kay, kay.

LAURA: Have you heard of the Traveler?

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: "No."

LAURA: Oh, that's so weird. I thought all you gods knew each other.

MATT: "Bring this Traveler as well. Bring you all that you like. You're all welcome here."

LAURA: Cool. That feels really good.

SAM: Where on the island?

LIAM: Are there any spots on the island?

SAM: Maybe, limitations?

LIAM: Yeah, off limits or--?

LAURA: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where should we have a par-- where should we do it at?

MATT: "Beyond the mountain."

SAM: What is she doing?

MATT: "The choice is yours. You wear such shinies."

MARISHA: I told you I should've put away my bracers.

TRAVIS: If you don't mind, we heard of your splendor as a fire god. I admit, we are but lowly forms of life. I'm surprised to see you in this space of water and liquid.

MATT: Make a deception check.

MARISHA: Yes, yes, yes.

ASHLEY: Good, good, good.

TRAVIS: I think I have advantage on these, right? Do I? It's an eight-- no, 17. 18.

MATT: It's an 18?

TRAVIS: Do I have advantage on deception checks?

LAURA: I feel like with your--

LIAM: You should.

SAM: Some gifts? You have Friends, don't you? You can cast Friends.

LAURA: Oh, that's a good idea.

MATT: Friends gets a little weird.

SAM: Oh, yeah because then they know.

LAURA: Because then they know.

SAM: Hey, by the way, Marisha?

MARISHA: Yeah?

SAM: A second ago, you were like this.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

SAM: I forgot to tell you.

MARISHA: What did you get me?

SAM: If you ever want to punch Liam.

MARISHA: Fuck, yes. Fuck, yes. I love you so much.

SAM: We just need a code, and you can be like, "Punch Liam!"

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: Try it out. Try it out.

MARISHA: Well, how about just "Punch Liam" is the code?

LIAM: (grunts)

MARISHA: Yeah!

LIAM: Damn it, Marisha.

MARISHA: Fuck yes!

(kisses)

MATT: Okay, so a total of?

TRAVIS: 18.

TALIESIN: I hope it was this funny visually for everyone else as it was for us.

MATT: The water around you--

LIAM: On the forehead?

LAURA: Wait, wait, wait, listen.

MATT: Guys.

MARISHA: Sorry.

MATT: The water around you seems to swirl on its own for a moment, and you feel yourself being drawn towards the center of the chamber a little bit, and as you do, you all watch as the shadows up amongst the stalactites, hundreds of tiny embers begin to flash and brighten, and you watch as tendrils, these big, thick tentacles begin to withdraw from the shadows and lower this massive, black fleshed-creature, where beneath the cracked edges of its blackened flesh, you can see beneath it this underlying, glowing, yellow-orange layer of flame or volcanic material almost. As it descends slightly, you can see this open jaws with rocky black teeth and the inside of its mouth, this bright, fiery light just emerges and lights up Fjord's face as it descends and gets about 10 feet from you, its mouth open, and you're just there lit by it. On top of its head, you see four separate orbs, themselves also orange and red with these slight, pointed, red pupils. You see massive red rocks or gems that are jutting from elements of its body in different places. These heavy, almost like pseudopod, what would have been tentacles, that have become more like thick legs dangle beneath, and as it hangs, you can see, across its back, a hoard of treasure. You see chests and coins and objects and just a scattered mass of things of value that have been placed and are now adorning this creature like a shawl or a cape,

MARISHA: That's so fucking cool.

MATT: And as it dangles there, it says, "Look upon the lord of this island, the Lord of Exandria, and offer. You have such shinies." You can see the torch blooms in the chamber. There looks to be another entrance to this that now, all of a sudden, closes up as well. Viridian is now on the ground and says, "I-I think he wants another offering."

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, that's apparent.

TRAVIS: I'd say that's fair.

LIAM: What is the distance between this entity and us?

MATT: Well, you guys are a bit scattered on the ground at this point. You and Fjord are probably the ones that were furthest up since you were inspecting. It's about 30 feet from you. It's about 10 feet from Fjord as it rushed to him with the water as close to the face, and you're about 10 feet from it.

TRAVIS: This didn't trigger celestial, fiend, or undead with Divine Sense?

MATT: Nope.

TRAVIS: What, what?

LIAM: Elemental?

TRAVIS: Elemental.

ASHLEY: Well, I did not give an offering yet, so.

SAM: Yeah, do it.

ASHLEY: I don't have a lot of money. I will go over and, um-- closer to him and I do have 10 gold. Here is 10 gold.

MATT: One of the eyes kind of (crackles) looks down in your direction while the other three are still looking at Fjord glancing over. One of the tentacles (whips) snatches it out of your palm, and you watch as it places it (crunches) and plucks it amongst the rest of the hoard on its back. The waters release you, Fjord, and then it stands there waiting and Viridian just goes, "I don't think he's happy with the offerings you've given. It would do well to--"

TRAVIS: Oh, yes.

MATT: "-- to give of something sizable based on what you carry."

MARISHA: Yeah, well, I asked you about this, Viridian, and you were like, "No, he's cool, he's understanding. He won't judge you based on your appearance."

MATT: "Well, it's not by your appearance. Usually we just give him everything we have and find."

MARISHA: Right, right, yeah.

LAURA: Well, but we-- we-- would--

MARISHA: He's not getting my bracers.

SAM: No, of course.

MARISHA: I would fucking murder him before he takes the fucking bracers.

LAURA: You know, the thing is we kind of need some of the shiny things that we have to bring you more people with other shiny things.

TRAVIS: Well, I do have five of these. They're all that I have, and I'll take-out five platinum, and I will toss them towards Vokodo.

MATT: Okay, you watch as two of the eyes that were facing you look off towards the platinum and you can now see its four massive tentacles with a bunch of smaller ones that occasionally emerge from the body to snatch things nearby and then recoil it in.

TRAVIS: Shrimp legs.

MARISHA: So cool, yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: It snatches the coins out and brings them back in, but the one eye is still focused on you. There's the one that's over on Caleb or over now on Yasha, and it just stays there dangling.

LIAM: Yeah, I'm going to slowly start backing off from this thing one foot at a time.

TRAVIS: There is more where that came from, but we would have to perhaps take an entry fee from all those coming to the island.

LAURA: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: If that's of interest to you?

LAURA: God, we could bring you so much more after everyone gets here.

LIAM: Yeah, this is just the down payment.

MATT: "You will."

LAURA: Yeah, we totally will. Doesn't that get heavy on your back?

MATT: "No."

LAURA: It's impressive.

TALIESIN: Yeah, it's very impressive.

MATT: "It is just an extension."

LAURA: That's true, though. Things are not as heavy in the water.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's fair. That make sense.

LAURA: Maybe that's why we're under water now.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: You see it looking about the rest of you.

ASHLEY: Have you been here just forever? How did you get here?

MATT: "Curious questions. I've been here a very long time."

MARISHA: I pull out a pearl necklace that I also have,

MATT: (whips) Snatched up.

MARISHA: And then I say in Deep Speech: Curious minds want to know. What are you doing here?

MATT: It doesn't seem to flinch or react to the language. The way that it's communicating to you is a form of telepathy that transcends language. It's what ever you are envisioning, it's not the words that communicate but the intent behind it.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Which, to that degree, makes it challenging, in some ways, to circumvent social barriers, But you see it kind of-- there's an air of impatience to it as you see the rummaging flames beneath its skin beginning to brighten and flair at moments. It seems still expectant and Viridian, you see a little fright in her eyes like, "We really want to make sure that our offerings are up to his liking."

SAM: We're going to have to cough up something nice here, guys.

LAURA: I mean.

LIAM: Is there any kind of cover in this room or is it just a large open space?

MATT: There's plenty of cover. There are masses of rock that have either fallen from the ceiling or have risen up from gathering elements and minerals. You can see that large, twisting pillar-like mass on further in the other side of the room. You can see there are small outcroppings where some of the chamber itself, becomes a wall in areas, little corners.

LIAM: Anything in the middle of the room did you describe?

MATT: In the middle of the room, there is one large broken heap of rock with one leaning like a pillar and there's a tunnel that goes through it, and then there is that large, twisted pillar that rises up about 25 or so feet before it levels off.

LIAM: Okay, I will move slowly towards the jumbled bit trying to understand if the thing is tracking me as I go.

MATT: Okay, are you going stealthily?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Roll a stealth check.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: As he does, I'll go--

LIAM: 17.

MATT: 17, okay.

SAM: I'll search through the bag of holding, I guess. I own a 550 gold piece pouch of gold dust.

MATT: You do. Caleb, as you slowly shift in the direction, you begin to make your way towards there, and you watch one of the eyes train on you.

LIAM: You are very shiny.

MATT: "Indeed."

LIAM: I throw 10 platinum into the water above me.

MATT: You watch as two tentacles that are holding it to the ceiling, those other two that are dangling below, smaller ones eject and grab the platinum and pull them back in. You watch as they attach to the body, they slowly move them up like a bunch of cilia or fingers causing the coins to roll up the body until they join the rest of the hoard on its back.

LAURA: Does the hoard look like it's only shiny things? Or is it like--?

MATT: Make a perception check,

LIAM: Yeah, that's what I want to know.

MATT: And this will be probably with disadvantage unless you have darkvision.

LAURA: I do.

MATT: There you go.

SAM: I don't like this.

LAURA: (singsong) Doesn't matter because I rolled like fucking shit.

SAM: ♪ Fucking shit ♪

LAURA: ♪ Nine ♪

MATT: Nine, it's hard to make out. From what you can see, there's a lot of coins. You see some really fancy dishware. You can see some weapons, some armor. It's a smattering of things, but nothing at a glance that catches your eye beyond what you would expect a bunch of precious things to look like.

TRAVIS: Jester, you're confident that the Traveler will want to come and meet Vokodo, yes?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Traveler's definitely going to want to come and say hi.

TRAVIS: Okay, then I don't mind handing this over, and I will hold up the Star Razor.

SAM: (gasps)

LAURA: No, no! Fjord, no.

MATT: You watch as all four--

LAURA: Fjord!

TRAVIS: No, no, it's okay. Vokodo deserves the shiny.

MATT: Make a persuasion check for me.

LIAM: Do it, come on, face man. Come on, face man.

SAM: Piss off a god.

TRAVIS: 20, 15 plus five.

MARISHA: Yes!

SAM: All right, all right, all right.

MATT: All right, you watch as all four eyes shift towards the blade that you now hold aloft. Is it lit?

TRAVIS: It is, it's glowing.

MATT: Yeah, and so as it's right there on the blade--

LIAM: It is lit.

MATT: Yeah, (laughs) you watch as it descends slightly more, and one of the tendrils, the bigger ones, begins to reach out towards the blade. "This is a precious offering."

TRAVIS: It is. We expect to be able to go and bring more to you in exchange for this.

MATT: Takes the blade, places it amongst the hoard on its back. "Your offering is accepted." The eyes begin to shift amongst the rest of you expectantly. You also notice the temperature of the room getting slightly hotter. The water is rising in temperature along with the expectant frustration that the slightly brightening, simmering fires beneath the skin seem to insinuate.

TRAVIS: Do you require more for us to go and bring you?

MATT: "Your offering was accepted."

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

LAURA: Ugh. I pull out-- SAM: Here, take this. Take the bag of gold.

LAURA: No, I have a thing of elven chainmail that I pull out.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: (rattling)

MATT: (tentacles whipping) "Your offering is accepted."

TRAVIS: We are just paying this dude.

SAM: I got this for you!

MATT: And you throw the pouch of gold?

LAURA: This fucking sucks.

MATT: You watch as the pouch gets snatched up, the tentacle pulls it over by one of the eyes and opens it up, and you see, for a moment, this large fiery entity becomes this miserly grandpa rummaging through the pot. You can see the flame inside the mouth get a little bit brighter and it looks at you expectantly.

TRAVIS and LAURA: (sigh)

SAM: Wait, that was a lot of gold. That was 550 gold. He doesn't like gold.

TRAVIS: I think he wants your--

SAM: Well, he can't have it!

MATT: The temperature's getting hotter now.

LIAM: Caleb has watched all this and is doing math and just stares at the floor for a solid 30 seconds while all that has been going on, and then grips the necklace on him and snaps the cord--

TRAVIS: No, no, no! The thing that hides you?

LIAM: -- and holds it up--

LAURA: (gasps) No, Caleb!

LIAM: -- and lets it go and lets it float in the water.

MATT: The creature, its eyes spin about, and snatch it up. Pluck it amongst. One of the eyes looks at you. "This was precious to you."

LIAM: Ja.

MATT: "Your offering is accepted."

LAURA: That's not fair. That glove was real precious to me, too.

(laughter)

LIAM: One of a kind.

TRAVIS: Fuck, oh, man.

SAM: Maybe I could have my pouch of gold back if I gave you something?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: That's how it works in Vegas. Give me the 50 bucks back, I'll give you 100.

LIAM: Delete.

SAM: We got three accepted offers so far?

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Do we all have to--

MARISHA: Do we all have to go?

TRAVIS: Yes, I don't want to get sous vide in this cave. That's how you get cooked by his slow cooking.

LAURA: Yeah, I know, I know, I know. (laughs)

MARISHA: I pull out my pouch--

TRAVIS: Didn't know what it was.

MARISHA: -- of very rare and expensive suude.

LIAM: Cooking spice?

(laughter) MARISHA: This shit is gold depending on where you're from.

SAM: The street value?

MARISHA: You don't understand how long this shit can fuck you up. You don't get it. I've been waiting to murder somebody with this my entire journey.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

MARISHA: All right, I'm not good at that, okay.

TRAVIS: There's always a first.

MARISHA: Natural 20.

(cheering)

MARISHA: Look at it! Look at it!

LIAM: I can't, you're 47 feet away.

MARISHA: I'll take a picture and send it to the group. Now, wait, wait, sorry, that one got blurry. I'm texting it. I'm texting it.

MATT: For a total of?

MARISHA: Huh?

TRAVIS: What's your total?

MARISHA: Oh, a 21.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah, you are shitty at that.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Texted it for proof.

MATT: You watch as one of the tendrils shoots out in your direction and traces the outside of the bracers on your wrist,

LAURA: Ugh.

LIAM: Ooh, gross.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: And then takes the pouch, shakes it a bit.

MARISHA: It's good shit. It's fucking pure. All right. Have fun, man.

MATT: It's like the odd kind of, I don't know, cosmic horror version of the hoarder woman in Labyrinth.

LAURA: Yeah, I tried to send the most telepathic images I can of him getting super fucked up on it to let him know.

MARISHA: Yeah, it's a good time.

LAURA: I'm really thinking real hard so that it can get to him.

LIAM: I gave him a magic item I've had for 100 episodes. You gave him oregano.

(laughter)

MARISHA: No, this is the rare shit, dude.

LIAM: Good oregano, really good oregano.

MARISHA: I have a thing for it.

LAURA: Oh, wow.

MARISHA: I have a paper for it.

LIAM: Ah.

MARISHA: It's real.

LIAM: Plus one oregano.

MARISHA: This isn't Viagra.

MATT: (laughs)

SAM: All right, all right, all right.

MATT: Caduceus, you were saying.

TALIESIN: Precious to you or precious to us, precious to me?

MATT: "Precious."

MARISHA: Wondrous item.

LAURA: Oh, it's a wondrous item?

MARISHA: Yes!

LIAM: Tell him to hit me with the glove.

TRAVIS: No.

MARISHA: Yeah, that's right.

TALIESIN: I take the shield that my sister made.

LAURA: (gasps) No.

TRAVIS: Oh no.

LIAM: Oh shit.

TALIESIN: Off of where it's connected to the one I use. I take the beetle skins that she made and I hold it.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

(dark electronic music)

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

TRAVIS: Dark Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Where's my persuasion? Seven.

MATT: You watch as one of the tendrils scrapes across the surface and then (whips) snaps it with the metal. The head looks at you (growls). You can see edges of its mouth become beak-like at the edge. It's a weird creature. You're not quite certain what it is, what it was. It's strange.

TRAVIS: What it was?

SAM: Yasha, flask me.

ASHLEY: Did that suffice?

SAM: Gimme.

MATT: It's still looking at you expectantly.

TALIESIN: I put it back on my pouch.

ASHLEY: (laughs)

MATT: It is lowering itself more. There is an element of a greedy immediacy to its physicality, now, as it slowly begins to descend and it releases the upper portions of the ceiling where the stalactites were, and it's now floating and swimming in the air. It is a massive form. It's maybe about 20 feet in diameter from side to side with the tentacles there swirling and swimming in the middle of the water.

TALIESIN: I think I got an idea. Hold on, okay. Not to me, to you. I wrest the golden gem that's stuck in my breastplate which is the wound closure.

MATT: Mm.

TALIESIN: Mm!

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: (whips) "Your offer is accepted."

SAM: Give me that flask. Please? I'll take one little sip and then hand it over.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

SAM: Oh, I'm great at that.

LIAM: I would kill for that flask.

SAM: I will take my reliable talent, which will make it a 12.

(laughter)

LAURA: Oh, god.

MATT: It grabs the flask and brings it up, looks it over,

SAM: Magical, platinum.

MATT: One eye, brings it in front of another, places it amongst the hoard and looks back at you expectantly.

ALL: Oh!

LAURA: That is just bullshit!

TRAVIS: Too much.

MARISHA: Too much. Fuck this guy.

LAURA: I hate this guy.

TRAVIS: Give him your husband.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: We should just kill him and take all the stuff.

MARISHA: Yeah, I mean, look at his haul.

SAM: That was a fucking--

ASHLEY: That was a lot.

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I'd sure love to do that with a Traveler on our side.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay,

LIAM: It's Jester's dream.

ASHLEY: I... I pull out my Skingorger--

LIAM: (gasps)

ASHLEY: --and I chuck it at him.

SAM: Oh!

MATT: (whips) The blade is immediately captured by one of the tendrils.

SAM: That's so heavy metal.

MATT: The mouth almost hangs open slightly looking over it with awe and excitement and then adds the blade to the hoard and goes, "Your offer is accepted."

ASHLEY: I would like that back one day.

MATT: (low chuckle)

SAM: We've given you so much. I gave you a diamond. I gave you a bag of gold. I gave you my flask.

TRAVIS: Peel your tattoo off.

MARISHA: I gave him my good drugs.

SAM: I mean I don't have much left.

TRAVIS: Pull your tattoo off your face.

LIAM: What's the good shit at the top?

SAM: (cocking noise)

LAURA: No.

MARISHA: No!

SAM: I got a pistol.

MARISHA: Oh, thought it was the crossbow.

SAM: It's a gun, they're really hard to find.

LIAM: Not like this.

MARISHA: Not like this.

SAM: It goes boom. Any interest?

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

SAM: I am not good at those!

TRAVIS: Come on, come on.

LIAM: He'll take it regardless.

MARISHA: Come on.

SAM: I'll take my reliable talent.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Oh no!

SAM: It's a 12.

ASHLEY: Come on, come on.

MATT: The water around you, Veth--

SAM: Uh-huh.

MATT: -- has elevated to scalding.

(groaning)

SAM: Okay, okay, forget that. That was stupid, that was stupid.

MATT: You take four points of fire damage

SAM: All right.

MARISHA: What?

MATT: As you've begun to be boiled in the water around you.

ASHLEY: (whispers) Should've kept your flask.

SAM: I'm looking. Give me a second, it's hot. Is it hot in here for you guys?

TRAVIS: It's pretty hot. It's getting hot.

SAM: It's begun to get hot.

TALIESIN: Humid too.

ASHLEY: I feel okay.

MATT: "One does not walk into the heart of a god and present paltry gifts."

TRAVIS: (quietly) Okay.

LIAM: Caleb--

MATT: "I accept offerings or I can take what is insufficient."

TRAVIS: (exhales)

LIAM: Caleb floats over to Veth and turns his back to the thing and palms to her the... the driftglobe.

SAM: What's that?

LIAM: I don't use it very much, but it makes sunlight. It's very rare. So, it's this big. It makes daylight in a big space and you just get that shoved into your hands, and then I float back two or three feet.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Thank you.

MATT: Go ahead and make a sleight of hand check for me.

TRAVIS: Uh-oh.

ASHLEY: Maybe we should just use that in here.

LAURA: I know, I feel like that could be useful in here.

LIAM: Nine.

MATT: Nine, okay.

MARISHA: Nine.

MATT: You don't feel confident, but also, you're not sure if this creature cares.

LIAM: I wasn't trying to Magic Castle this thing. I was just going take this.

MATT: Obviously, with a nine.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Wow.

SAM: I don't-- I'll-- I'll-- I'll-- I'll cast Mage Hand, and I will use it to lift up my Dagger of Denial. We'll try that.

MARISHA: Which is what we are all in right now.

MATT: The dagger is snatched. "Your offer is accepted." The water cools around you. It's still uncomfortably hot for all of you, it's on the verge, but it begins to cool slightly. You're no longer taking damage, Veth. The images translated into this voice say, "Your initial gifts will tide me over. Bring to me these travelers, and the next time we meet, I hope to see what you bring me." You watch as the tunnel where you entered, the torch blooms withdraw and leave it open once more, and Viridian goes, "Of course, great Vokodo, thank you. Thank you." (whispers) "We should go."

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: She goes ahead and swims back as you all (laughs)...

SAM: Angry backstroke. (laughter)

MATT: All right, you all begin to making your way into the torch bloom tunnel.

TRAVIS: We can follow Viridian or we can follow Caleb, either way.

SAM: Or maybe, my Mage Hand is still up. I could just try to swipe one thing back from it.

TRAVIS: Maybe don't. SAM: No, maybe not, okay.

LAURA: I say go for it.

SAM: Angry backstroke.

LIAM: (whispers) We're trying to make a party!

TALIESIN: Well, it was nice knowing Veth.

SAM: Angry side stroke. (laughter)

MATT: All right, so, are you guys all heading back?

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah, yeah.

MATT: Okay. So Viridian begins to lead you back, and you watch as you're heading in that direction, the torch blooms are separating to enable the exit path. You guys get a ways away and Viridian looks back over her shoulder swimming. "That was harrowing. You were very, how best to say it, unexpectedly stingy."

TRAVIS: Well, we told you we didn't want to stay. I mean, no wonder no one leaves. He doesn't leave them with anything left.

MATT: "Well, there are those who have much to thank Vokodo for his protection and guidance."

MARISHA: Like what?

MATT: "Material possessions mean so little when it comes to life and happiness and community."

MARISHA: What's he do? What community does he bring that you all don't bring yourselves?

MATT: "(frustrated sigh)" She keeps swimming goes, "There are many dangers across this island. There are many things that can sleep beneath it.

MARISHA: Sure.

MATT: "Vokodo keeps them at bay."

MARISHA: Does he?

LAURA: Vokodo brings them.

MARISHA: Yeah, I think that's 100% fucking right.

ASHLEY: Also, it's interesting because you were saying that thing was not where it was supposed to be. So it looks like, you know, the thing with the mouth, the long one?

LIAM: Specter.

ASHLEY: Specter.

MATT: "Indeed. I mean, we've given everything we have to Vokodo, and we mine what we can from the island itself. I fear maybe we've been--"

MARISHA: Duped?

MATT: "--unable to provide as much--"

MARISHA: Oh, sorry, keep going.

MATT: "-- as the fire god needs. Perhaps he's angry. His--"

LAURA: Gods don't need things.

MATT: "That's inherently untrue."

LAURA: They don't, they don't need things. Gods don't need anything, they're gods.

MATT: "Yet every church, every temple has offerings given day in and day out by followers and priests."

LAURA: That's just because those people want to do it. It's not because gods are coming down and snatching things out of their hands. It's not like the gods are saying "I'm going to kill you if you don't give me something." It's totally different.

SAM: Yeah, I was getting cooked in there.

LIAM: Perhaps you could expound on the ways that Vokodo aids you in exchange for these gifts. How does his aid to you manifest itself?

MATT: "This entire island provides us food, shelter, a place to live, a community of people. There have been terrors that have made their way here, but the angry mountain itself washed them away. We've heard tales and been given dreams of the horrors that would feast upon us if the fire god was not here with his benevolence to watch over us."

TALIESIN: Where are we right now?

MATT: You guys are swimming through the tunnel making your way back.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to wait then. All right.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah, we should call him Guacamole. That was our codename.

TRAVIS: Does Vokodo ever leave this cavern? Does he ever venture outside of the volcano?

MATT: "Vokodo does not need to. Vokodo is the island. What we saw there was just the heart, the avatar."

TRAVIS: Just the heart? Just one piece of Vokodo?

MATT: "Yes."

TRAVIS: Oh.

LAURA: Just his physical.

TRAVIS: Are there other hearts around the island, or just the one?

MATT: "Just the one, as far as I know, that I've met at least, but these tunnels are part of him, this mountain, those trees."

LIAM: It's the long game.

SAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Boy, boy, boy, boy, boy.

MARISHA: There's a lot to unpack, yeah.

LAURA: I'm not asking this out loud. Did Vokodo's image, did it spark any kind of-- had we ever seen it anything like that shape before?

MATT: Make an arcana check.

TRAVIS: Or the book worms?

MATT: Yeah, you can make one--

TALIESIN: I try to get them out far enough to get a good look at it, by the way.

MATT: -- and both of you can make it since you were trained.

MARISHA: Arcana?

MATT: Arcana.

LAURA: 15.

MATT: 15, okay.

TRAVIS: I got no fucking clue.

MARISHA: Yikes, nine.

MATT: Nine. Caleb?

LIAM: Yeah?

MARISHA: Save us.

MATT: Arcana check?

LIAM: Arcana check, yeah, sorry.

MATT: It's okay.

LIAM: Was distracted by other things, 14. Low roll.

MATT: Nothing. Nothing about its form, its demeanor, its physicality. The stories around it ring a bell. It's an odd and strange experience that you've gone through and interfaced with this thing and as you worm your way back towards the exit of this watery passage, you're frustrated.

TRAVIS: Hopefully, whatever we bring when the Traveler and all of his followers come is more pleasing to Vokodo this time. We hate to be a burden upon you or your people.

MATT: "Of course, of course. Well, you say many are coming and if they are bringing tidings with them and these offerings are brought, perhaps that will temper his... frustration."

TRAVIS: Certainly, I suppose it will be up to Jester and the rest of us to figure out what part of the island we should direct them to.

SAM: Perhaps we should go search some other areas after a night's rest to see if there's a proper staging ground for?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: He seemed to say anywhere besides the mountain. Is that what you understood?

MATT: "If you're welcome to, but the mountain has its own inherent dangers. The island entirely has its own."

TRAVIS: Clearly.

TALIESIN: Ghosts, dinosaurs, stuff.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Caduceus.

SAM: That's the episode title right there.

LIAM: Yep.

TALIESIN: Join me for an episode of Ghosts, Dinosaurs, and Stuff.

MATT: I think that's exactly what it's going to be, yeah. I'm going to write that down.

TRAVIS: Might have spoilers. Oh my god.

MATT: Perfect.

SAM: Wha-- I mean, I guess thank you for bringing us.

TALIESIN: Are you going to stay with us as we explore the rest of the island, or--?

MATT: "Depends on how much you plan to explore. This passage here is one that I make rather rapid pilgrimage on to bring the offerings and findings that the village has gathered upon the island and from those who come to visit and eventually stay. To be too far gone would be to ignore my duties as the spiritual guardian of the village. Perhaps for a brief time and depending on where you choose to journey, but my heart and my charge is with Vo."

TALIESIN: We do what--

LAURA: Does Vo ever get-- sorry.

TALIESIN: No.

LAURA: Does Vo ever get pissed at you? You know, because don't the villagers run out of things to give him?

MATT: "Well, then we make them and we mine them and we scrounge and search."

TALIESIN: You mine from him?

LAURA: Yeah, exactly, he is the island. So your basically pulling out his own poop to give back to him or something?

MATT: You can see behind the eyes, there is an attempt--

MARISHA: Some logic?

MATT: -- to tie these together and then they squint and, "We do not question. We just accept and appreciate what is offered."

MARISHA: Yeah, but it's your own thing going against your own thing.

TALIESIN: How far are we now, by the way?

MATT: You guys are now coming towards the edge of the tunnel where it opens up into the pool where you first submerged.

TALIESIN: I think I'm going to try that thing once we bed down for the night. I think we're going to have to bed down tonight.

LAURA: Yeah, once we get out of the toxic air.

MARISHA: You're going to camp with us, yeah?

MATT: "Of course, we should rest for the night, but we should leave the dangerous elements of the cavern. I would recommend staying probably within the mouth of the entrance."

LIAM: Yeah, at the edge.

MATT: "Yes."

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: When we went to see him, did we go down or did we just stay even?

MATT: You went down.

LAURA: So we're underground to see Vokodo?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we went up a mountain into a mouth and then down.

LAURA: Has Vokodo ever come out of the mountain?

TRAVIS: That's what I asked. He said he didn't need to because he is the island.

LAURA: Obviously, yeah, yeah, obviously.

SAM: Viridian, has Vokodo ever come out of the mountain?

MATT: "No, no, he has not."

LAURA: How many entrances are there into the mountain?

MATT: "I know there are probably a few, but this is the one that has been allocated to me. Vokodo prefers to prevent others from stumbling upon the interior of his heart chamber for fear of--"

ASHLEY: Taking him by surprise, or--?

MATT: "Or for fear of those arriving without a proper offering."

LIAM: What's the most valuable offering you ever gave to Vokodo?

LAURA: Please, she doesn't remember.

LIAM: Maybe.

MATT: She thinks for a moment and goes, "There was once a ship that came, pirates of some kind, and they were carrying a jewel that they had stolen. That was worth quite a bit. Beautiful and green, this emerald about the size of a fist, but the pirates never left. They joined the community and when the gem was given, Vokodo was elated. For the next spring, we had quite a bountiful harvest of the local jungles and trees. The fruits were lush, the gifts were endless."

ASHLEY: Does--

SAM: It was an emerald, sorry, sorry, sorry, no, you go.

ASHLEY: No, go ahead because I have a question outside of the--

SAM: I just think did you--

MATT: At this point, you guys are now reaching the surface of the water, you guys are now reaching the surface of the water, which goes into the very toxic air. So you may have to take a deep breath of water before traversing and exiting.

MARISHA: Let's put a pin in all of this, yeah.

SAM: (mumbling)

LIAM: Breathe, Ed Harris, breathe.

SAM: Was it a smooth gem? Like a smooth gem? Like a round sort of gem?

LIAM: A smooth jam?

MATT: "It was somewhat faceted. It was worked. I'm not very knowledgeable in the way of--"

SAM: This big?

MATT: "It was about that large."

LAURA: This large?

MATT: "Yeah."

LAURA: Like the Jewel of the Nile, like Romancing the Stone.

MATT: "It was like a square-ish shape."

SAM: Obviously, it's one of my favorite movies, sure.

LIAM: Like Tusk Love?

TALIESIN: All right, are we doing this?

MATT: You guys all take a deep breath and she shows you take a deep breath of the water, and then all begin to make your way back through the way you came. I would like dexterity saving throws all around. Because you know of some of the things that are an issue, the DC is a little bit lower. So do not worry.

TRAVIS: Get the fuck out of here.

TALIESIN: Stop it.

MATT: What you got, Fjord?

TRAVIS: Five. My dexterity checks suck.

MATT: You are climbing up on over one of the ledges, one of the ones you jumped off previously and wasn't an issue, as you're climbing up, part of the edge obsidian breaks, and as you do, chest slams into the edge, and you pull yourself up, but you lost two minutes of air.

TRAVIS: Cool, back down to three.

LAURA: 22.

MATT: Nice.

LIAM: Natural 20.

SAM: 15.

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: 15.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Nine.

MARISHA: Natural 20.

TRAVIS: Damn.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Ska-skow!

MATT: So Caduceus, as you're all making your way through, you fall a little bit behind.

SAM: ♪ Making my way! ♪

ASHLEY: ♪ Making my way! ♪

MATT: You're starting to feel winded a bit. The heat's gotten to you, the waterlogged elements of it. You're squinting your eyes a bit as the water and sweat's mingling and burning your eyes a bit, and as you open up once more, you realize you've gone off course a little bit and shoulder checked the edge of one of the curves, and as you do (gasps), you exhale a bit. You lose two minutes of breath.

LIAM: Dang it.

MATT: That puts you at?

TALIESIN: It's constitution plus one?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: Two.

MATT: Two, all right, so, as you guys are making, the air begins to clear up a little bit. I do need one constitution saving throw from you, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: All right.

TRAVIS: It's always Caduceus right now.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: He's had a rough bout this island, man.

LAURA: Yeah. This island ain't treating him right.

SAM: This island does not agree with him.

TALIESIN: 20.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: The toxin, it burns, but nevertheless, it passes without taking too much of a--

TALIESIN: I remember this.

MATT: -- of a terrible hold of the body.

TALIESIN: I remember this.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: You guys eventually make your way towards the interior of where the cavern entrance is. You can see out now upon the night jungle, or you would be able to, but it's pitch black with elements of occasional bits of light, like little firebugs that occasionally dip through elements of jungle in the distance, but it is just black beyond that. You can hear the loud sounds of the insects and nocturnal creatures, now, that are beginning to create this beautiful, but also, hauntingly worrying symphony of unknown things that live throughout Rumblecusp, but you set up camp for the night here, I imagine.

SAM: Yeah, yeah, are we going to do the dome?

LIAM: Yeah, we're doming it up to camouflage with the surroundings.

MATT: All right. Viridian asks, "Is there room for--"

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: "If you don't mind."

LAURA: Cuddle up.

TALIESIN: As long as you don't mind, we have a little good night ritual that we do before we go to sleep and when we wake up every morning.

MARISHA: For sure.

LAURA: We all hold each other's hands, and we sing a song talking about what we're thankful for that day.

SAM: Oh my god. Jester already forgot the nightly ritual.

(laughter)

MATT: Make a deception check, Jester.

SAM: The new member of the group leads it, though.

TALIESIN: No, we'll do it last.

LAURA: 11.

MATT: 11. Viridian looks at you oddly.

LAURA: You can start singing if you want to.

TALIESIN: You're learning, that's good. You're one of us now. Yeah, this is just--

MATT: "I'm all right. I don't think I need to partake in this ritual."

TALIESIN: So we don't have to repeat it, obviously, but we'll go down the line, say our names, talk about our parents.

LAURA: Oh, that ritual.

SAM: Yeah, see you already forgot it.

TALIESIN: Oh no, it's taken her. And before it gets to her turn, I'm going to cast Greater Restoration.

MATT: Okay!

LIAM: Oh, shit.

MARISHA: Come on.

MATT: Make a sleight of hand check for me.

LIAM: Shit.

ASHLEY: Come on.

TALIESIN: Okay, I wasn't being sneaky about it. I was just doing it.

MATT: I know, well, casting a spell like this is less of, like, a touch and it's more of like a incantation and then a place. So it is still a very visible thing, and to surprise somebody with that, if somebody wants to try and distract, they can probably aid with that, but that would be the extent of it.

LAURA: I'll distract her.

MATT: Okay, how are you distracting her?

LAURA: ♪ Today, what I'm thankful for is ♪ ♪ that we got to see ♪ ♪ you do all the really cool stuff with the plants ♪

TALIESIN: Seven.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

ASHLEY: Can I assist her?

MATT: Well, no, if you're assisting, that gives you advantage, sorry.

LAURA: Oh, okay, good. (laughs)

SAM: That was horrible.

TRAVIS: Were you going to whip out the bone saw?

SAM: (squeals)

TALIESIN: No, seven.

LAURA: Oh!

MATT: Okay, as you're singing, she looks a little put off by this, and as you begin to reach out for, she rears back and says "What are you doing?"

TALIESIN: Part of the ritual. It'll be fine, and I tap.

MATT: Make a dexterity check. This is now her trying to recoil from you before you can get to her. You are now reaching out. She noticed, then she's on the defense.

SAM: Spell, dispel.

TALIESIN: 17, dexterity check? 17.

MATT: Check. 17? That wins. So you reach out and touch her with the final elements of the ritual.

SAM: On her shoulder.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Your turn.

LIAM: (like Caduceus) Sorry about that.

TALIESIN: Sorry.

MATT: As you touch her, her eyes glaze over for a moment, then her eyelids close, and you see the flickering of rapid eye movement from beneath the eyelids. You see sweat begin to pour from the brow, and her arms begin to dig into the rock around her. You watch as the wind that surround the base of the floor around her begin to whip up a bit, and her hair (blows) drifts as it begins to encircle. Eventually, her eyes open. "(panting) Oh no. I'm so sorry. This has to stop."

TALIESIN: We know.

TRAVIS: What has to stop?

MATT: "What this thing is doing to all of us."

LAURA: What, how long have you been here? What has he done to you?

MARISHA: Where are you from?

TALIESIN: Easy.

MARISHA: Sorry.

MATT: "I've been here 25 years. I'm not Viridian."

ASHLEY: What?

MATT: "I'm from Tal'Dorei. My name is Vilya."

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: And that's where we'll end tonight's episode.

(yelling)

TALIESIN: Boom! Worth it, worth it!

MATT: Okay, so, at the end, she said she's from--

SAM: You guys know who that is, right?

TRAVIS: -- from Tal'Dorei and she's from where?

MARISHA: Vilya?

ASHLEY: Azalea is her name?

MATT: Vilya.

ALL: Vilya.

LAURA: Who's Vilya?

TALIESIN: Oh my god, the council.

SAM: Nope.

TRAVIS: What?

TRAVIS: No.

SAM: Come on.

MARISHA: Wait.

TALIESIN: What?

SAM: Come on.

MARISHA: My mom?

SAM: Yeah!

LAURA: (gasps)

TRAVIS: Oh my god!

MARISHA: My mom?

TRAVIS: No fucking way! No fucking way!

MARISHA: It's not Keyleth's mom! You cannot do this to me!

LAURA: She's a druid!

(laughter)

MARISHA: [Inaudible] will be fine!

SAM: You knew it? He's the one that got it.

SAM: I found out 10 minutes ago, and I told Liam.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

ASHLEY: How did you find out 10 minutes ago?

MARISHA: She's a crazy fucking druid, that's why. She's a crazy fucking druid.

TRAVIS: That just totally disappeared.

MARISHA: And got sucked in through the Water Plane! What is happening?! (laughter) What?

TALIESIN: Well, you broke Marisha. I hope you're happy.

LIAM: Fucking genius.

SAM: Genius level shit, Matthew Mercer, genius.

TALIESIN: Oh, I'm so glad I did that.

MATT: Sitting on that since Campaign 1 began.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

SAM: So good.

TALIESIN: We are fucked.

SAM: So good.

LAURA: So wait, wait, in the first campaign, if we'd have come to Rumblecusp. if we'd have come over this way, we could've found her?

MATT: Possibly, but you had no reason to.

MARISHA: We would've had to have come this way.

ASHLEY: She's been here for 25 years? LIAM: This is the other side of the planet.

TRAVIS: It doesn't matter because Keyleth is still totally, essentially the same age.

MARISHA: Alive, yeah! Keyleth is definitely still kicking!

LAURA: Keyleth could have her mom back!

MARISHA: (yells)

LIAM: Fucking amazing.

MARISHA: I thought my mom was dead! They said my mom was dead.

TRAVIS: Everybody thinks you're dead.

LAURA: Oh, and Vilya has the leg, the leg. That's all they ever found was her leg! Why didn't we realize that earlier?!

TRAVIS: She's got the fucking vine for a leg!

SAM: We didn't know that she had lost a leg.

LIAM: Yes, we did.

SAM: We did?!

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah, because they said that she went into the Water Plane--

LIAM: All they found was her leg.

MARISHA: She failed her trial.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

MARISHA: So! So is this thing a fucked up kraken? Is that all this thing is?

TALIESIN: We don't know.

TRAVIS: We have no idea.

LIAM: I mean, we don't need to know the specifics yet, it just means that your mom fell into the Bermuda Triangle.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Dude, who the fuck are these other people?

LIAM: Fucking genius, fucking genius.

SAM: What is so funny and amazing to me, I mean, we are the most suspicious people, and it didn't occur to any of us.

MARISHA: No, because it was in another campaign!

TRAVIS: When did you figure it out?

SAM: Right like 15, 20 minutes ago, I just glanced down to see how many people are watching our show at the end of the night, and in chat, flying by--

LIAM: In the past.

SAM: -- flying by, somebody goes, "I think that's Keyleth's mom."

LAURA: Everybody figured it out?!

MARISHA: So it wasn't--

SAM: And I was like, what? Oh fuck!

(laughter)

LIAM: Sam texted me and then I was like, "We got to share this with M," He went, "No!" And I went, "Why, it's Beau!?" And I sent it to you like 10 minutes ago, but you never saw it.

MARISHA: No, I'm not looking at my phone.

LAURA: Oh my god!

MATT: I'm so glad you didn't see it out there.

LIAM: We can't whisper to each other because we're not next to each other!

TALIESIN: I've been holding onto that Greater Restoration the whole goddamn day!

MATT: And you know what?

ASHLEY: That was amazing.

LIAM: Amazing.

SAM: So good, Matt, so good.

MATT: Well, you guys, that was an awesome session. I'm excited for the next one.

TRAVIS: Oh my god!

TALIESIN: (cackles)

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: I'm blown away.

MATT: Well, on that note--

SAM: Wait, we're still playing?

LIAM: Yes, we're still on.

MATT: We're still on.

SAM: We're on?

MATT: Yeah, I haven't closed it yet.

MARISHA: We're still fucking going.

(laughter)

MATT: So on that note--

MARISHA: Oh my god!

SAM: Now we're done?

MATT and TALIESIN: No.

ASHLEY: I want to keep playing!

MATT: We'll see you see guys in the next episode.

LIAM: 20 more hours.

MATT: Thank you for joining us.

ASHLEY: Four more hours!

MATT: Remember, guys--

TRAVIS and ASHLEY: (chanting) Four more hours! Four more hours!

MATT: I know.

MARISHA: What's Korrin going to think?! Ah! Is Korrin still alive?

LIAM: We don't know Korrin.

MARISHA: (yells)

LIAM: You don't know Korrin!

MARISHA: No, but Marisha knows Korrin as Keyleth as my past life.

LIAM: Who's Marisha?

TRAVIS: We don't know Tal'Dorei at all.

MARISHA: It all's blurry. Who's on the Tal'Dorei council?

MATT: None of you have been there.

TRAVIS: We know Allura, that's it.

MATT: Anyway, have a wonderful week, guys. We love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night.

(laughs) (yelling)