Transcript:Titles and Tattoos

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

TRAVIS: (hollering) We play Dungeons & Dragons!

LIAM: Whoops!

(laughter)

MATT: Just like that. So yeah, before we jump into tonight's session, let's go ahead and get through some of our announcements, beginning with our fantastic returning sponsor for campaign two, D&D Beyond. Sam!

SAM: D&D Beyond is our returning sponsor again this week. We love them, you can check them out at dndbeyond.link/criticalrole. They cheer us on every week. I thought, why not cheer them on as well! (laughs) Watch Marisha die inside. (laughter)

MATT: She wasn't even in cheer squad, she was in dance.

SAM: Oh, I don't know. Okay, ready?

TRAVIS: There's a difference, bitch.

SAM: Ready? Okay! D&D! Beyond! D&D! Beyond! Table! On this side! Show me! Your D&D pride! Yell D&D! Beyond!

TRAVIS: Beyond!

SAM: D&D!

TRAVIS: D&D!

SAM: Beyond!

TRAVIS: Beyond!

SAM: Table! On this side! (laughter) Please make! This ad die! (laughter) Yeah! (laughter)

MATT: Wow. Surprisingly succinct.

LAURA: You should have been a cheerleader!

TRAVIS: Is that a record?

MATT: It might be, might be.

LIAM: The pithiest D&D Beyond spot.

LAURA: Yeah!

MARISHA: It was pretty good.

MATT: Vying for one of the more violent ones.

SAM: Yes.

MATT: But not quite there.

SAM: Sorry, sorry.

TALIESIN: That mic is just going to keep vibrating for so long.

(laughter)

MATT: Perfect, thank you, Sam.

SAM: Back to you, Matt.

MATT: And thank you, D&D Beyond for many reasons, mainly your endurance. So let's get to the rest of our announcements, Travis, you got some things to talk about, I believe.

TRAVIS: Ah, I do! Yes! For the month of November-- (laughter) (stammering) Yes!

MARISHA: Go first.

TRAVIS: The beverage. For the month of (stammering) November-- (laughter) Holy shit. Critical Role has partnered once again with one of our favorite charities, OSD.

ALL: Yeah!

TRAVIS: They support active duty and civilian veterans that are various stages of their life, and they have currently served over one million members of the military and all their different branches, and we are glad to be a part of the next million that they will help. We have a month long push, so please consider donating or at least sharing the message and you can see all of that goodness and all the details and more at critrole.com/OSD.

MARISHA: OSD!

MATT: Hell yeah. Hold that thought, Travis. Marisha, you're up, go.

MARISHA: Oh, I'll just move, jazz.

(laughter)

MATT: It's fun to throw you off.

MARISHA: On that note, in case you missed it, (laughs) earlier this week we made an announcement that we are going to push part four, the finale of UnDeadwood by one week to November 15th. That's not this Friday, not tomorrow, but the Friday after next.

TRAVIS: Got it.

MARISHA: We had some technical difficulties in post, and a few very frustrating hurdles that we had to get over, but we are good and back on track, but didn't want to destroy our team.

SAM: Was it Brian's hair, is it Brian's hair, like, you had to CG it all?

MARISHA: We-- oh! He's going to hate if I out him on this.

TRAVIS: What, his hair product caught fire or what?

SAM: Did you do something to his hair?

MARISHA: He did get a haircut while we were reviewing the edit. He just had his girl come to our edit, so we can just-- (laughter) I have pictures of it. Sorry, B! I'm so sorry!

TALIESIN: Worth it, worth it. Burn it to the ground.

LAURA: Amazing.

TRAVIS: Artist's life.

MARISHA: But that doesn't-- (laughs)

LAURA: That is such-- to do.

SAM: Wow, Brian.

MARISHA: How hard we've been going on this, man. Anyway.

LIAM: Got to stay fresh in the editing room.

MARISHA: It's true. It was good times. But yeah, tune in on the 15th, that's this next Friday, 7:00pm for part four of UnDeadwood. Promise you, it's crazy.

MATT: It's a doozy.

MARISHA: It's fucking crazy.

MATT: It's a doozy, it's fun. Travis, you're up.

TRAVIS: Yeah, also earlier this week, we announced some pretty major news around our upcoming animated series, The Legend of Vox Machina. It's been picked up by (shouting) Amazon Prime Video! (normal voice) Which is huge, and because of that partnership, we are able to create two additional episodes for the first season, so now 10 episodes has become 12 for season one, (shouting) and a second season of 12 episodes! 24 total episodes! (laughter) Is this too big? Is this too big?

SAM: No, it's not too big.

TRAVIS: I'm on fire! (normal voice) We're really excited. Yeah, it's been amazing. It was hard to keep under our hats. They've been amazing to work with. We've also seen a few questions around whether the Kickstarter backers will still be able to see the first season for free, and the answer is yes, it is at the forefront of our mind. We wanted to make sure that everybody knows that backers will get access to the two-part special first, we are still working on how we do that, but with all of our brain powers combined, it shall surely be an easily surmountable task. And you will get access to the first season for free. All of those details to come, and if you want to see where are the details are listed, you can head to our Kickstarter page, but I can tell you, we've been hard at work with all of our friends at Titmouse, already making this thing amazing, scripts are in, designs are in, location, background art is in.

LAURA: It's so good!

TRAVIS: It's so hard not to just like, should I just show them on my phone? (laughter) Okay. In due time, there will be a rollout.

MATT: We will be, right? We will be rolling out some art pretty soon?

TRAVIS: Yes, yes, we will actually be doing it in very nice and exciting ways, but holy fuck, you guys, it's real. And we are super, super excited. So thank you again to Amazon Prime Video, thank you again to our partners at Titmouse.

SAM: Thank you to the backers for making this--

LAURA: Yes, oh yes! Thank you!

MATT: We're going to make this as amazing as we possibly can for you guys. It's going to be great.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Thank you, Travis. (laughs) Laura, you got some updates, I believe.

LAURA: Well, yeah! It's not as cool as all of that, but it's still pretty cool!

MATT: I disagree!

LAURA: So number one! Merch in the store, it's all merch in the store, but number one is the finishing of our collection of our Mighty Nein chibis!

SAM: Aw, they're so cute!

LAURA: So there's Fjord and there's Nott, and there's Molly.

TALIESIN: I love that Molly.

TRAVIS: Love it.

LAURA: I love the backgrounds. I don't know which one is my favorite, it's-- they're all so amazing. The pins were designed by our beautiful friend, Jenny Park, who is phenomenal, and thank you, thank you, thank you for that, Jenny. And so they're in the store now. Also! I have to back up for this, because this is sitting in my lap. Keeping me so warm and toasty!

SAM: I'm actually cold right now!

LAURA: Oh, you can have this on during the show. This is our blanket, it's so incredibly soft, it's the map by Deven Rue, and I love it, and I'm just so happy that we got this made.

TRAVIS: Is that Verona?

LAURA: And yes!

SAM: It's a blanket, it's a map.

LAURA: I've stolen many already.

SAM: It's a blap.

LAURA: Here, do you want to snuggle up in it? Feel how soft it is.

LIAM: It is the softest.

SAM: Mm! Smells like Tal'Dorei.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: Legitimately fell asleep wrapped in that when we finished Barry season two.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: It's pretty awesome, it's pretty comfy.

LAURA: I'm just excited we get to make this stuff, you guys.

SAM: I can do anything under here.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Oh.

TRAVIS: Okay, all right.

MATT: You can do anything through the hole in the sheet.

TALIESIN: Anything we make is mostly so we get one.

LAURA: Yeah, it's pretty nice!

MATT: Essentially our whole merch plan is just make stuff we want to have.

LAURA: Yes!

MATT: And hopefully you guys want them.

LIAM: I have one of everything in my home office. I'm running out of room, so slow down!

(laughter)

MATT: All right, thank you so much, Laura.

LAURA: I've been given freedom and I love it!

(laughter)

MATT: You're good at what you do. All right, then. I think that concludes our announcements. First time that I didn't actually have to make any announcements myself, which was nice, that's why I got to fuck with you guys! But on that note, let's go ahead and dive into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

(water bubbling) (thunder) (explosion) ♪ Role, role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical, critical ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames ♪ ♪ For the battles ahead ♪ ♪ The villains beware, 'cause you're about to be dead ♪ ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don't see over there ♪ ♪ There's a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting ♪ ♪ Rise up, don't think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands ♪ ♪ Take a chance, roll the dice ♪ ♪ Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role (Roll the dice) ♪ ♪ Critical Role (Roll the dice) ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call ♪ ♪ Diggin' deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it's your turn ♪ ♪ Your turn ♪ ♪ Your turn ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (flames whooshing)

Part I
LAURA: I missed!

MATT: And welcome back. (sighs) Children.

TALIESIN: Yes.

MATT: So. Last we left off, The Mighty Nein, in search of their allies in the coming struggle that seemed to be slowly building around Obann, and the plans that he's making in pursuit of the will of the Angel of Irons, you went to find Yussa, the mage of Tide Peak Tower in Nicodranas, had vanished into the Folding Halls of Halas, the Archmage Bane, the Heirloom Sphere, or as you guys refer to it as the Happy Fucking Fun Ball. After spending what was essentially weeks and weeks of real time, and just for a few days within the ball's strange time dilation, you manage to make your way through all sorts of strange chambers and traps and battle mage-hunter golems, and then eventually find your way to a lost den of Halas, the creator of these Halls, who had found his soul locked within some sort of a trapped or sabotaged relic, of which he was using in his research. Acquiring this gem, questioning him, and making an alliance to a certain degree to gain guidance out of this strange sequence of rooms, you manage to find yourself to the Prison of Soot. You freed Yussa, who had been silenced and put away as he began to peruse the interior of these Halls on his own. You all managed to escape, and found yourself outside of the sphere, partway up Tide Peak Tower. Along with Allura Vysoren from the Council of Tal'Dorei, who had aided you as a friend through this small adventure. And now as you all gathered, her research had brought her to ask information, and to bring materials and thoughts and imagery, memories of this individual, Yasha, of which you spoke of, that seemed to be involved in this mess with Obann. As you gathered hands to gather and prepare the ritual, you peered past the veil of deceit, and revealed the Angel of Irons seems to have been a cover, some sort of a possibly fictional name, an entity to mask the true intent of one Tharizdun, the Chained Oblivion, who has been seemingly amassing allies under the guise of the Angel of Irons, to what end? We do not know, necessarily. But upon this revelation, we return to the chamber, partway up Tide Peak Tower. As Allura finishes saying to herself, "I must inform the council," there's a long, pregnant pause, the air itself is still. You can smell the salty, sea air that comes in from the nearby docks and Ocean of Lucidian nearby. But amongst that is just this sense of dread and weight on your shoulders as the sheer volume and gravity of what you've all recently heard comes to take your mind.

SAM: Is that a thing that's happening right now?

MATT: You guys are now, you're in the tower. You're reacting to the ritual, what would you like to do?

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

SAM: Tharizdun, Tharizdun! I think, I feel like we need to practice saying it.

MARISHA: Tharezdun.

SAM: Tharezdun?

MARISHA: Tharezdun.

TRAVIS: Where's the emphásis?

SAM: Yeah, where is the emphasis?

LAURA: Know about him?

MARISHA: We've been talking about him, he's come up a few times.

LAURA: Yeah, but he's super powerful.

MARISHA: Yeah. Yeah.

SAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: He's also a Betrayer God. He's like, crazy, crazy old, right?

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

SAM: You think we can take him, because he's real old?

MATT: If someone wishes to make a religion check.

MARISHA: Me!

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Okay. What is that? 23.

MATT: 23? Okay. Good to know.

TRAVIS: There it is.

MARISHA: Yeah. Not too bad, not too bad.

MATT: As part of this conversation, you do know that Tharizdun as an entity, while categorized as a Betrayer God, does not belong necessarily or stemmed from the same Founding Entities that the other Elements of Divinity stem from. While it is lumped with it, it is something other entirely, possibly older in the world, no one knows.

TRAVIS: Cool.

MATT: It is strange, it is aberrant, and it is--

MARISHA: Cosmic horror shit.

MATT: It is very much that.

MARISHA: Some old god shit.

SAM: Do we know, does anyone, do any of us know what separates Tharizdun from our plane of existence? Is there a gate or a--

MATT: Because of your religion check you do. As Allura leans forward and goes, "Yussa, we need to research how this entity was put away, was sealed. Where does it exist?" You at this question pop up and recall a couple of things. One, you know it was sealed once long ago in the Founding, back when the deities first began to give form to the world after the defeating and scattering of the Primal Elementals that previously walked across Exandria in its early days. They had thought to have banished Tharizdun, and then he returned during the Calamity. In that time period, Ioun and Pelor spearheaded the assault against the roiling, hungry, black void that was the entity.

MARISHA: Right, right before--

LAURA: The nothing!

MATT: They banished him, but the struggle left Ioun with a terrible wound that would not heal.

LAURA: Oh!

MARISHA: Forever.

MATT: For as long as Tharizdun exists, it seems the wound exists. It is said, because you've rolled so high on religion--

MARISHA: In the volcano, right? I don't remember where we learned that.

MATT: No.

MARISHA: Sorry, keep going.

MATT: It's okay. It is also said that multiple sets of divine shackles hold the Chained Oblivion at the bottom of the Abyss, their power anchored somewhere in Exandria.

SAM: (whispering) Shackles!

MATT: And you rolled what on a religion check?

MARISHA: 23.

MATT: 23, okay, that's all you know.

LIAM: I have a question of story. Is this beyond-- everyone knows what the Calamity is. Is this beyond common knowledge, the existence of Tharizdun? This is something that only people with esoteric knowledge or vast amounts of study know?

MATT: People know of it in the way that people know about the boogeyman. Tharizdun would be the equivalent of the boogeyman, colloquially in most cultures, people might say, you know, be careful, Chained Oblivion will get you if you don't go to bed early. But it's been so long ago... A lot of people may not really-- History that old, that has been altered and rewritten based on whoever's in power in those locations, and certain interpretations can shift from place to place. Many people who are of some level of intellectual knowledge and training acknowledge that it existed, but as it is with a lot of mortal entities that are so caught up with their own day-to-day business, it seems that something so far off--

LIAM: So it's older and weirder than us knowing stories of Zeus turning into a bull and, you know, stuff like that.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Stranger than that.

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: It wounded Ioun, and the wound didn't heal. This thing's like Mike Tyson at the end of Punch Out! Nobody wants to fight this.

SAM: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. You're going to go down with one hit!

TALIESIN: It's like Hercules Mulligan. Name's too weird to be real.

(laughter)

MATT: Yussa pipes up and goes, "Ah, well. Who do we know who belongs to this cult, if there is. If this who all who you are chasing, who you are after, who do we know is connected to this entity?"

SAM: We know a few folks.

TALIESIN: We have a running list.

LAURA: Yeah. One is Obann, Obann.

SAM: Yeah, he's a demon.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Demon, devil?

TALIESIN: Devil.

SAM: Devil?

LIAM, LAURA, and TALIESIN: Devil.

SAM: He's Obann.

LAURA: He's got wings.

SAM: Mm-hmm, he can make himself look like other people.

LAURA: Yeah, and he's really good at manipulating people. So he has control of our friend Yasha, right?

MATT: "Right."

LAURA: And when I was looking at them through scrying, you know what that is?

SAM: (laughs)

LAURA: When I was looking at them, she was trying to fight him, right? And she was like, "I don't want to be with you!" And the storm god was like, oh, almost took control, and then Obann touched her chin and something happened, and she was instantly back to being under his control. And she's got a thing on the back of her neck!

SAM: But she might have also been evil the whole time, and just sort of, we didn't know that.

LAURA: I don't think so.

MATT: "What is this thing on the back of the neck, you say?"

LAURA: It is like, and I describe it, exactly like I saw it.

MATT: What you saw, it looked, the faint orange glow reminiscent of the old car cigarette lighters, that faint reddish--

LAURA: Yeah, yeah!

MATT: -- heated tint to it. Very, very difficult to see. Right at the base of the neck, underneath the hair.

LAURA: Lots of little circles.

MATT: Right. Well, sure. But Yussa contemplates after what you say and goes, "If this Obann is able to continue to control your ally, is this by the same means, or are the others as to why he's able to bind the champions of other betrayers to his will as well?"

LAURA: Maybe. Oh, I did see the light coming from the Laughing Hand, I think, didn't I? Yes, I did.

MATT: "If that is the case, this Obann is a dangerous entity. Because if the Laughing Hand is a champion of Torog, and this other one that you had mentioned--"

LAURA: The Inevitable End.

LIAM: Jourrael, the Caedogeist.

MATT: "The Caedogeist, as you said, yes, is born from, was it Asmodeus and--?"

SAM: Beauregard knows.

LIAM: Lolth.

MATT: "Of Lolth and Asmodeus. "There is no reason for these things to follow the intent of such a creature of madness and disparate will as Tharizdun."

LAURA: And we killed him and he instantly came back.

MATT: "So. You need to be mindful of what it is that affects your friend might also be affecting these other creatures, these other champions." Allura turns the head over to Yussa. "Are they even aware they're worshiping this thing? If they follow the Angel of Irons, is that just their own cover? Or have they themselves been duped into believing... It is rare for something of sound mind to want to follow such utter destruction of the planes and beyond."

MARISHA: Yasha had amnesia. She didn't remember her past, ever since we met her. Maybe they all once were conscious followers, and something happened. Or maybe it was always manipulation.

TRAVIS: Well, if Obann is a devil, and he's from the...Hells? It can be that he's working on executing the orders of a devil prince? A king,? Someone from hell is trying to--

MARISHA: They like their hierarchy.

MATT: "Tharizdun is one of the entities that resides at the bottom of the Abyss, which is more of the demonic heritage."

LAURA: That's weird, then.

MATT: "There's a lot of mixed up factions here, which is why I wonder." And you actually, because you rolled so fucking high on religion, regarding Tharizdun--

MARISHA: It's my circlet.

(laughter)

MATT: Those who are foolhardy enough to follow such twisting destruction as the Chained Oblivion are often spurned, hateful, and chaotic souls who fall through the cracks of society and attention. A bit of inherent madness left unchecked opens the door to the creeping void that draws those who worship and come to the altar of this unspoken entity. You also know, since it is rare for those of sound mind to worship an entity that brings only madness and destruction, the Chained Oblivion and his followers often deceive sects into aiding their efforts from within other sects of worship, creating a false idol entirely. And you know that the higher acolytes of Tharizdun, as part of their ritual of ascension and to show their true faith, often remove their eyes so they can peer through shadow and light with his boon.

SAM: Ew!

TALIESIN: Inconvenient.

TRAVIS: I don't want to play anymore, I'm leaving now.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Taking a fishing boat--

MARISHA: Nope. I grab Fjord.

TALIESIN: Well, there's also, I mean, they're connected to this larger conspiracy within the war and factions within it, so god only knows how deep this runs and how many people are involved.

MARISHA: Well once again, if they're attracted to fractured people that they could easily manipulate--

TALIESIN: This is the same cult that's been pushing warfare on the--

LIAM: We know that Obann was referencing this individual who is within the Empire, high up.

LAURA: Yeah, the blond guy. What's his name again?

MARISHA: Oh, what was his fucking name?

TALIESIN: I like Blondie.

MARISHA: Oh, wait, Blondie? Vence Nuthaleus.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Yussa leans forward. "You showed and told me about this device that was opening rifts."

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: "Across--"

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: "And was opening rifts to, you were saying?"

SAM: The Abyss.

MATT: "The Abyss."

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: "(sighs) What purpose do these rifts possibly have in this larger plan?"

MARISHA: They seem to have infantry, monsters, beasts that they were sending through.

LAURA: I wonder if their location had something, if it was a greater network?

SAM: They seemed randomly placed, remember? They're somewhere in the backs of caves and weird mountains and stuff like that.

TRAVIS: Bottom of a well.

SAM: Under a livery?

TALIESIN: If you're poking holes in a bucket, it doesn't matter where the hole is. Just how many.

MATT: Both of you can make intelligence checks, because you're the two with highest intellect.

SAM: I beg your pardon.

MATT: As of now, yeah.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: I'll have you know I rolled two.

MARISHA: Just straight intellect?

MATT: Yep, with your intelligence modifier.

MARISHA: 15.

LIAM: 18.

MATT: All right. Caleb, upon hearing this conversation, you begin to recall your studying of interplanar effects and how the veils between planes can shift and thicken and wane. As such, different events through the actual calendar year occur and such. You do know, based on probably putting the pieces together, that with each rift that probably opens within Exandria, between that and the Abyss, the veils between the realms gets slightly weaker with each one that remains. If temporarily. And through this, subtle influence of the Chained Oblivion may begin to creep into the world.

LIAM: It's like if you have a leather strap and you punch enough holes it'll eventually--

TALIESIN: That's one way to put it, sure.

MATT: And because you rolled so high on religion, you also do know that the--

MARISHA: I also know that.

(laughter)

MATT: The characteristics of the Chained Oblivion's influence, the madness that it instills subtly, is said to slowly corrupt people with bouts of uncontrollable hunger, uncharacteristic aggression, and eventually violent mania.

TRAVIS: Who wants to join that fishing boat with me? Anyone? The mackerel's biting this time of year.

SAM: Hunger, what else?

MATT: Uncharacteristic aggression.

TALIESIN: We think the Chained Oblivion's on a fishing boat? Under the water! Yeah, it's really clever. TRAVIS: Thank you.

MARISHA: I mean, I've been saying for a while that there's been recurring themes of hunger and famine and starvation and chains the entire time we've known each other.

LAURA: Yeah, but who's been hungry other than me and stuff?

SAM: I'm really hungry all the time.

LAURA: I mean, me too. And I also kind of get pissed sometimes, I hide it, but what if I'm influenced by the Chained Oblivion?

TALIESIN: I'm pretty good.

TRAVIS: In Xhorhas, remember that, the furry creature, the--

MARISHA: What?

TRAVIS: The bugbear, right? He had bouts of violence and--

MARISHA: Anger. And Asarius, and we've talked to the, oh right, was that Asarius, is that what you just said? I mean, even going all the way back to Trostenwald, with the ner-- ner-gill--

LAURA: Oh, and the gnolls!

TALIESIN: That, you got me on that one.

LAURA: No wait. I might have been making that part up, I don't know.

SAM: The gnolls, were they hungry?

TALIESIN: Most are.

LAURA: They came in and--

SAM: They were aggressive, though, they--

LAURA: They were super aggressive!

SAM: And weren't they unreasonably aggressive?

SAM: And they were eating people.

TRAVIS: Okay, they were not regular gnolls.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Thank you.

SAM: But yes, the first time we met and we went to that circus.

MARISHA: We were fighting the devil toad who kept lashing out and eating people.

MATT: (as Allura) "If this influence continues to spill out into this world, and people grow more and more aggressive, that's going to lead to even further conflict."

LAURA: What if the Bright Queen is affected by it? Was she eating every time we saw her?

TALIESIN: I don't think she was ever eating when we saw her.

SAM: She did have a Slim Jim in her mouth every time I saw her. (laughter)

TRAVIS: To combat the overall aggression--

SAM: That's my headcanon.

TRAVIS: What if we commandeer the Statue of Liberty, and we walk it into the middle of Manhattan. (laughter) Start playing ♪ you lift me up ♪

LAURA: Yes, I like it!

TRAVIS: I love it when you roughhouse!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Let's have a Phish concert.

(laughter)

LIAM: We are talking about some ancient--

MARISHA: Mess.

LIAM: Forgotten thing.

LAURA: So what's the play here? What's the strategy?

TALIESIN: I know what I would do.

TRAVIS: That question, if the Abyss is on the demonic side of things, and the devils and the demons have a spat, is there, is there any way that we would employ or try and reason with the devilish side of things to gain access to encourage--

LAURA: But Obann is a devil.

TRAVIS: Right, but he's obviously trying to pull out of the demonic side.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: The Abyss is on the other half.

LAURA: So weird.

SAM: This cult, this cult, we would have to take down this cult, right? They're making it easy for Tharizdun to gain access to our plane of existence. How do we take down this crazy cult?

LAURA: We did make it easier to kill the Laughing Hand.

TRAVIS: We don't know how many there are in this cult and where they are.

TALIESIN: We know where one of them is, and they would be Blondie. You know, we could get Blondie and get a bunch of information and--

LAURA: They did say the last time we scryed on them, that they were making their way towards the finish line.

SAM: ♪ Making my way ♪

MATT: (as Allura) "Do we know know where these individuals are? Where the next plot is, where the next anything is?"

TALIESIN: I bet he would.

LAURA: I could scry on them.

SAM: We can scry on Yasha, we can scry on Blondie.

MARISHA: Who is Siff Duthar?

LIAM: I have his spellbook; he's a dead mage.

MARISHA: He was worshiping the Crawling King.

SAM: This is stressful.

MATT: The Crawling King is a different entity.

MARISHA: Oh. That has nothing to do with this?

MATT: There's Chained Oblivion, Crawling King. Torog is the Crawling King.

MARISHA: Right, but it's, but Torog is more or less still related in this--

MATT: Through the Laughing Hand.

TRAVIS: Yeah, Laughing Hand was a champion of Torog.

MARISHA: Right, he's still a player in this weird--

TALIESIN: Maybe, but if everyone's coming from everything. It might just be a red herring.

LAURA: Obann is a servant of Graz'zt.

MATT: "Tharizdun."

LIAM: Obann was a servant of Graz'zt. We don't know, that's--

SAM: It doesn't matter their former masters. Now everyone works for Tharizdun.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Right, that's what it feels like.

SAM: No, those were all--

MARISHA: Everyone is under Tharizdun.

SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter who they used to be aligned with.

TRAVIS: We don't know where the next event is happening, or where to cut anyone off, should we try and look in on the few that we are speaking on?

LIAM: If we could peel Yasha away somehow, she would know more.

SAM: Yussa, do you have any thoughts?

MATT: Yussa goes, (sighs) "This is a lot, obviously. Let me do some research as well, some meditation, and reach out to a few allies I have that may have some esoteric knowledge. But I have to do this alone. I can... I do have a friend in the Empire still, though I am not really invited as much as I once was."

SAM: What's their name?

MATT: "I could give you a missive. Oremid Hass."

SAM: We know that.

MARISHA: We do.

SAM: He's headmaster of, wait, oh!

MARISHA: The Soltryce Academy.

LIAM: Not the Soltryce, the other.

MATT: "The Halls of Erudition."

MARISHA: Yep, yep, yep, that one.

MATT: "I could write you a missive, while I could not go. As it would not be best for me to be there. The introduction would be enough to gain an audience and perhaps glean some information from within the range of influence that the Assembly seems to have gathered."

SAM: Audience for us or for you?

MATT: "For you."

TRAVIS: He can't go, he's not, chooses not to go.

SAM: Who?

TRAVIS: Well, Yussa.

SAM: Oh, Yussa.

MATT: "There are means within the Hall to disable such glamours that would allow me free entry and wandering. So it is best I not cause a stir. But you can go as my allies."

SAM: Aren't we known by Oremid Hass?

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah. We, um.

SAM: We can be open with Yussa.

TRAVIS: Will you leave the room for a second? Is that what you're going to say?

MARISHA: No!

(laughter)

LAURA: Just say it, just say it.

SAM: I think we're known by Oremid Hass.

MARISHA: Yeah, I don't think he likes us. Our last interaction with him did not go well.

SAM: There wasn't a fight. We were at a cocktail party.

MARISHA: He was the guy who likes cats, and we--

TRAVIS: The fuck are your notes?

SAM: We were at a cocktail party or something with him. And Trent Ikithon.

MATT: It was after the tournament.

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Did we break into this guy's house?

SAM: No! We just talked to him.

MATT: You talked to him at the party.

SAM: He said something to Ya- did he say something to Yasha?

MATT: Trent said something to Yasha.

SAM: Trent said something to Yasha that was creepy.

MARISHA: Yes, but Oremid was there, and I know he was, he was like, "eh" with us, and then we were like, oh he likes cats, because he pet Frumpkin. And then we were like, let's remember that for next time, he likes Frumpkin.

SAM: I don't remember us making a note of that at all!

MARISHA: I did!

MATT: That did happen.

MARISHA: I drew a cat.

SAM: Wow, that's amazing!

MATT: It's good to have a Marisha in every party.

(laughter)

MARISHA: I've also been really researching this--

SAM: We didn't, oh sorry, go on.

MARISHA: No, go ahead.

SAM: No, go on, go on.

MARISHA: I was just justifying.

SAM: Oh, I was just going to say, we didn't attack him, he doesn't know that we're enemies.

TALIESIN: We're not enemies.

SAM: No, I don't think, right?

LAURA: But Trent would know that Caleb is. Wouldn't he?

SAM: Trent saw Caleb and didn't say anything.

TRAVIS: No. He did not.

LIAM: He didn't.

MATT: "If there is a concern with this Trent, who I believe I know who you're speaking of, then just avoid him, do not bring him up."

SAM: So we can go see Oremid?

LAURA: He's super duper powerful, didn't you know that?

MATT: "So is the rest of the Assembly. So am I."

LAURA: Well, yeah, but you're nice.

MATT: "Well. Do not think the entire Assembly is useless. They have a few dubious figures, but not all of them are bad eggs."

TRAVIS: Oh man, we're going to the Halls of Erudition?

SAM: That's in Zadash.

MATT: Allura goes, "I feel like I should at least implore aid from the Council of Tal'Dorei. I don't know if they can get that involved in Imperial Wildemount politics so brazenly, especially during a time of war, but I'll see what can be done."

SAM: The Council, huh?

LAURA: Who's on the Council?!

MARISHA: Can you give us a list?

SAM: Who would that be?

MATT: She teleports away. (groans, laughter)

TALIESIN: Mercer!

(laughter)

MATT: Left with Yussa and Wensforth who's in the corner in his chair, just watching the whole thing, bright eyed. He just goes--

TALIESIN: Wow.

MATT: "If you are going to Oremid to ask for his expertise, knowledge, anything about what's going on within the Empire, just use my name, use this." And you see the whole time you guys have been having this conversation, he's Mage Handing with a quill and ink over on the counter, it's writing its own letter about 20 feet away from him. It then drifts over to--

(laughter)

MARISHA: You fucking motherfucker.

(laughter)

SAM: It's Brian Foster's payback.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Don't put this on him!

TRAVIS: That's a cute turtle, if it makes any difference.

MARISHA: I know Brian's brand of payback, and that ain't it.

(laughter)

MATT: As the parchment drifts through the air and then folds, a ribbon ties itself on it, and it lands over on Jester's lap.

LAURA: Me!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: How closely should we trust this person, how much information should we give them?

MATT: "As much as you deem necessary. As much as that would be useful for what you're going after. Be guarded, but Oremid is one of the... less problematic members of the Assembly."

TALIESIN: We're naturally mistrusting people, so it's always important to ask.

MATT: "Good, you've survived this long."

TRAVIS: We've also encountered a fair number of people that are not who they seem, or are pretending to be something else. Is there a question that we could ask or perhaps some way of verifying that he is who you say he is?

MATT: "I would say-- hm. I couldn't help but notice around your neck, this... tiny furred creature."

LAURA: Oh, I thought you were talking about my ruby necklace, which is very beautiful, but yes, this is Sprinkle.

MATT: "Oremid will react favorably to such a creature."

SAM: Oh, he likes all little furry creatures?

TALIESIN: I think Sprinkle's been dead since the Happy Fun Ball, right?

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Covered in acid.

MARISHA: Just dead.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Don't say it out loud! Are you crazy? If she hasn't felt--

MARISHA: Hasn't figured it out!

TRAVIS: Just leave him there!

LIAM: He's just stiff, hanging from a little string around--

TALIESIN: A solid collar now.

(laughter)

LAURA: He hides inside my armor whenever we're in battle, and he's super duper protected.

LIAM: (Jester accent) I am Vex and he's in there with Trinket.

(laughter)

LAURA: Shut up!

SAM: He hasn't been fed in months!

(laughter)

LAURA: I've been feeding him!

MATT: It's assumed that she's been feeding him.

TALIESIN: It's like that Tamagotchi.

LAURA: Every time I eat, imagine that I'm also giving Sprinkle food, okay?

TRAVIS: Sprinkle gets attention and he's like, (small high voice) "Please!"

(laughter)

TRAVIS: "Help!"

MATT: Let me tell you, the best part about playing D&D with friends is making your friends keep track of all your imaginary animals' responsibilities.

(laughter)

SAM: He likes furry things.

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: "The smaller, the cuter, the better."

SAM: (laughs) He's a furry lover! Okay, cool!

LIAM: Yussa, this Oremid is one of the less problematic. Which ones do you deem problematic and what do you estimate their problems to be?

MATT: "It depends on your perspective. Ludinus is very intelligent. I do not know what his main intent is, but he's been around since the beginning. But he's also the one that keeps the balance with the King, he's the one that keeps the peace, from an archmage's standpoint. But I... I'm wary of anyone that powerful, both from an arcane and political standpoint. Uh. Most of my contact has been with Oremid. Trent seems just creepy."

(laughter)

MATT: "Jenna seems unique, if a bit distracted. Uludan's a buffoon. These are the only ones that I've actually met in person."

LIAM: How do you know Oremid?

MATT: "Oh, we trained together. Or, I trained him for a bit, I should say. I've been alive much longer than he has. But he's-- he's stern. But has a good heart. Wants the best for his students. Pushes them hard. I respect his techniques, though his students may not always."

TALIESIN: We appreciate your candor.

MATT: "Of course. Oh, and... as I've had a day to recover and get my wits about me," and he sits up for a minute. "I want to thank you for... coming into the Halls after me. For freeing me from the result of my own arrogance. It means a lot."

TRAVIS: I suppose the only question to ask is, will you be going back in?

MATT: "(laughs) Not for a while. And certainly not alone. However, I think it's only fair." He reaches behind one of the counters and takes this weighted satchel and throws it into the center of where you guys are talking. Clink, clink, clink.

TRAVIS: Ball bearings, yes.

(laughter)

MATT: "This is a portion of Halas' fortune that I managed to recover."

SAM: Should we look--

TRAVIS: Not in the room, no, thank you!

MATT: "Speaking of which." Looks over to the unconscious body of Halas (laughs) on the floor.

TRAVIS: Oh right, where's the jewel?

TALIESIN: I already handed it over. Like, yeah.

LAURA: I think Nott has it.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Oh, you got it right there, look at that. That's right.

TRAVIS: Also, just out of curiosity, if you touch it, there's still a voice in there, right?

SAM: Let's find out! Hello?

MATT: (as Halas) "Hello. You're the one, you called yourself Nott. Is that right?"

SAM: Yes.

MATT: "Well."

TRAVIS: Oh good.

MATT: "Where are we? Have we been successful in your escape?"

SAM: How would you do it?

MATT: "Do what?"

SAM: How would you change a body if you could?

MATT: "Oh, that depends on what you wish to change it into. You see that--"

TRAVIS: Nott.

MATT: "As I know you've looked into my research, there are ways to, I believe, take a mortal body and make it perpetual."

TRAVIS: Maybe put the jewel down.

SAM: Is it a spell or a ritual?

TRAVIS: Caleb?

MATT: "Both. They're not mutually exclusive, small one." TALIESIN: This has gone on long enough.

SAM: Do you know-- do you know what it is? Do you know it, or would you have to find it?

MATT: "I would have to take a look at my notes. I was not entirely finished. But if you release me from this gem, I would help you to pursue whatever this may be."

TRAVIS: We don't want to take the jewel from you, maybe you just put it down.

SAM: I need something more concrete than that, the name of a spell, something.

LIAM: We discussed this.

MATT: "It is unnamed at the moment, but it was part of my design, for myself and, should you be interested, little goblin girl--"

LIAM: Set it down!

MATT: "--yours as well."

SAM: How do I get you out if I wanted to?

MATT: "Dispel this jewel."

SAM: Dispel the jewel.

MARISHA: As I hear--

MATT: "Near."

TALIESIN: I cast Silence.

SAM: Near your--

MARISHA: I snatch-- I'm going to attempt to snatch the jewel.

MATT: Make a sleight of hand check. And you make an insight-- or you make a perception check.

SAM: Oh, perception?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: Wow.

SAM: 11. What did you say, sleight of hand?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: 14.

MATT: 14. As you're in conversation, your voice goes gone, you look over at Caduceus and you look back, the gem's out of your hand. (laughter) (no sound)

SAM: Are we all silenced?

TALIESIN: No, just you.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Hang on, wait, wait, wait, just let her get it out of her system for a minute. (laughter) No, it was great. Good work.

TRAVIS: If you could read lips, I see a lot of Fs and Ss.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: A couple Gs.

TALIESIN: Ferns. Soliloquies.

LAURA: I don't think she's that angry.

TALIESIN: Gentle.

TRAVIS: Yep. Those hands are not easy to mistake.

MARISHA: I think she's gotten it out of her-- oh.

LAURA: Not yet.

MARISHA: I think she's got it out of her system.

TRAVIS: That means "cracker." "More cracker." It's baby sign language.

LAURA: (laughing)

MARISHA: You can drop the spell, I think.

SAM: Your face is stupid!

(laughter)

MARISHA: That's fair.

TALIESIN: A very dangerous and powerful mage now knows your name.

TRAVIS: It's just good to know that he is still in there, which is where we want to keep him, right, Nott?

TALIESIN: Because if he gets out, he knows your name.

MATT: "If you want, I am more than happy to jettison both that body and that gem far into the scattered planes. I have the means."

MARISHA: Did he sound like he knew what he could do?

SAM: He sounded confident that he could do something.

LIAM: He was telling you what to do. You spoke of dispelling that--

LAURA: Confident that he eats people. He definitely eats people.

SAM: He does?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: He has a restaurant called the Carving Board in the Happy Fun Ball.

TALIESIN: I love the Carving Board.

LIAM: He built a prison and left chests that murdered you in the blink of an eye.

SAM: It's the first time I've had an opportunity to be myself again. And I can't just leave it alone! It's the thing!

TALIESIN: It's not an opportunity.

SAM: This is the thing!

LAURA: Yussa!

LIAM: Do you think that the man who built that place would be willing to help you--

SAM: Maybe.

LIAM: He would be beneficial to you, he's an altruist? That is the impression you got from the person who chained a Dreadnought and built a lever to open its mouth like a door. Who has a prison.

SAM: I don't judge his taste in decor.

TALIESIN: Nott. Nott, you have to understand the difference between an opportunity and a temptation. That was a temptation. There's a big difference.

MARISHA: Look, we have one option, right?

SAM: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: We know that this is here.

SAM: Not if he sends it away to a far off place.

LAURA and MARISHA: Yussa.

MATT: "Yes?"

LAURA: Do you know of a spell that would turn somebody into something else?

MATT: "There are-- polymorph is a relatively simple--"

LAURA: Yeah, but permanently. Like, put them back in their right body.

TALIESIN: Someone is in the wrong body.

MATT: "It's a bit beyond my immediate scope, but there is a-- I've heard whispers of a truest polymorph, though even that is only until dispelled. It is not a permanent endeavor, but it can become most anything."

LIAM: This one has been dabbling in his time. Within the sphere. I have notes of his, they're incomplete, but, he felt like he was on the right track.

MATT: You have these notes?

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: "And what is your speciality?"

LIAM: Transmutation.

MATT: "You're fairly bright."

LIAM: Is that a challenge?

MATT: "Always."

LIAM: I'm not going to peel inches of your flesh off and eat them. (suspenseful music)

SAM: It's so romantic.

LIAM: I'm not as far along as him. I'm not nearly as deranged, and that's saying something.

SAM: All right.

LIAM: You can't change if you're dead. Dead and gone.

SAM: All right, so, you'll still work at it and try?

LIAM: Have a little faith.

SAM: All right. I trust... this crazy wizard, I guess. More than that one, so.

MATT: "Then you're a smart goblin."

LAURA: Halfling.

LIAM: It's complicated.

MATT: "Halfling."

MARISHA: Will you promise us that if we want to come back, do anymore research on Halas, that we have full access?

MATT: "Full access to...?"

MARISHA: This. I don't know, what do you plan to do with this?

TRAVIS: We'll send it into the--

MATT: "I was going to get rid of it entirely."

TRAVIS: Yeah, like way out.

MARISHA: (skeptically) Ahh.

LAURA: Well, the heart was technically sent off into nothing and Halas found it.

MATT: "Well, here. Unless I am mistaken, that spirit can only return to that body, correct?"

TRAVIS: Yes, that's our understanding.

SAM: That's what he said.

MATT: You watch Yussa open his hand, and you watch as the unconscious body of Halas begin to blacken and crackle, as he begins to burn into cinder and ash on the floor. In but a matter of 20 seconds or so, the smell of burned flesh fills the chamber-- it's disgusting, before it slowly filters out the open window.

TALIESIN: I can get behind that.

TRAVIS: (laughing)

MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: "Look at that, now there is no longer worry of him returning to his form."

SAM: Wow!

LIAM: That was--

MATT: "Effective?"

LIAM: Decisive.

TRAVIS: Maybe don't touch the stone and see if Halas needs an update.

MATT: "Let's just let him continue to think otherwise."

LAURA: Let's see if he's crying.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TALIESIN: Let's actually not touch the--

MARISHA: Can everyone be quiet for a second?

TALIESIN: No, let's--

MATT: "Hello, Beau."

MARISHA: Hey, Halas.

MATT: "So, might I speak to the goblin girl once more, if you do not mind?"

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally, yeah, you know what? She actually just went out for--

TALIESIN: Silence.

LAURA: (laughing)

SAM: Yeah! Doesn't feel so good now, does it? Huh, huh?

TALIESIN: Every word--

SAM: Your arms are weird. Huh, you can't say anything back, can you?

TALIESIN: Every word will come back to haunt us.

MATT: "Beauregard, I cannot hear you."

TALIESIN: I don't actually know if that'll-- she can't hear anything I'm saying.

MATT: The voice continues through the gem because it is telepathic to you.

TALIESIN: I would-- Perhaps we could just put that-- yeah.

TRAVIS: Give this to Yussa.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Let's do that.

MATT: The Mage Hand grasps it, and as the Mage Hand lifts in the air, he will not actually make physical contact with the stone.

TALIESIN: That's the smart way to do it, drop Silence.

MATT: Puts it onto a table, the same Mage Hand pulls--

MARISHA: I was just going to say you were going out to pee, and you'll be back never.

SAM: That would've been clever.

MARISHA: Yeah. But, you know. You cut off my joke, man.

SAM: I didn't cut off your joke! He did!

MARISHA: You fucking cut off my joke.

TALIESIN: I think the less said to something that may be able to tell the difference between the truth and a lie, and probably a lot more information just by us touching, it's a lot, that's not the sort of thing you should be touching.

LAURA: Would have been the last thing he heard, he would have got a good joke.

TALIESIN: And when he eventually gets out--

MARISHA: And then he'd be like, oh shit.

SAM: Now he's wondering what the punch line was, and he'll wonder forever.

TALIESIN: No, he'll eventually get out and find you.

LAURA: He's not going to get out! Don't worry, he's in--

MATT: You hear these two heavy impacts, you watch as you're having this conversation, Yussa has Mage Handed the gem over onto the nearby table corners, draws a line through the air with the other hand, mutters an incantation, and you watch as an almost spectral looking chest apparates through the air as he draws the line. (imitates impact) Lands on the ground. It opens. (imitates noisy hinges) Mage Hands the gem over onto the inside, it closes, and then, (imitates magical pop) and then vanishes.

SAM: Wow.

LAURA: (clapping)

TALIESIN: But still--

SAM: That was good.

TALIESIN: Remember that we found that in the middle of a Magic Fun Ball, inside a Dreadnought, inside a magic space, I mean, it's these things--

MARISHA: I was there.

TALIESIN: Things get found.

MATT: "It's a Xhorhasian wooden doll."

TRAVIS: We should be off, we have much to learn.

LIAM: That chest though, that was, that's not a pocket for you to access later, that was a random toss--

MATT: "No, that's a pocket for me to access later, hopefully not until it's needed. But until you decide you have no further use of this individual, I will put it somewhere nobody else can find it but myself."

LIAM: Excellent.

MARISHA: And you don't have any use?

MATT: "If you trust me."

LIAM: I think that Yussa would prefer to inhabit his own flesh.

MATT: "Yes, I would."

SAM: Halas?

LIAM: No, I'm talking about Yussa. Not wanting to be possessed by an all-powerful being.

TRAVIS: We will trust you, if you tell us who the members of the Tal'Dorei Council are.

(laughter)

MATT: "I regret to inform you that my only experience has been with Allura. And members of the Pansophical."

TRAVIS: That's unfortunate.

MATT: "The Council, I do not-- I prefer to avoid politics."

LIAM: Just one name. Just one.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: No newsletter coming by raven?

LIAM: Your old friend Allura, she told you--

MATT: The older Seeker Assum. (laughter) Master of Spies. Acid scarred and tattooed, but now with a goatee!

ALL: Ooh!

TRAVIS: Upgrade!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: All right, so where are we off to?

SAM: To... Zadash!

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to go see the guy that's creepy. Not creepy. He's normal.

TRAVIS: Loves furry animals.

MATT: "I cannot say he's not creepy, some degree, maybe, but just more trustworthy. Do your best to gather information, find out who's doing what, where they're going, anything, any clues we have to what their plan is, especially if it's happening soon, based on what you had said. The last thing you want is to be caught off guard."

SAM: Do you have any means for us to travel to Zadash quicker than 14 days on horseback?

LAURA: No, we can bamf into the Cobalt Soul!

SAM: Oh, that's right!

LAURA: I'll send a message to--

MARISHA: Uh-huh, that's probably a good idea..

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: To Zeenoth!

LAURA: Zeenoth, because-- okay.

MARISHA: Archivist Zeenoth.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: We're setting off?

MARISHA: Wiry, mousey guy. A little annoying.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we met him. I'm going to send a message. What's his name?

MARISHA: Zeenoth.

LAURA: Zeenoth.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Hey, Archivist Zeenoth! This is the Mighty Nein.

MARISHA: What!

LAURA: I don't think-- what, what! I don't think you like us, but-- (laughter) are we allowed to come there yet, because we have im--

(laughter)

TRAVIS: He has only half a word. "We have im--"?

LAURA: --portant.

TRAVIS: There you go.

TALIESIN: We have important.

MATT: Im--

TRAVIS: You wasted a "what what."

(laughter)

LAURA: That was Beau's fault!

MARISHA: Sorry, I was trying to hype man your message.

LAURA: I hyped my own--?!

MATT: Zeenoth responds. "Oh, that should be fine. Everything has been smoothed over, so yes, please do come whenever."

LAURA: Whoa.

MARISHA: What did he say?

LAURA: He sounded super duper brown nosey, and he was like, hey.

MARISHA: What?

LAURA: Everything's been smoothed over, you're welcome anytime.

MARISHA: Ooh.

LAURA: Ooh, did he get in trouble?

MARISHA: Finally figured it out! That's right, unh! We're awesome.

(laughter)

LAURA: Oh my God. He loves you now.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Or Dairon told him that I'm in charge now.

LAURA: Probably, I mean, Dairon probably yelled at him really good.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and was like, "You call the other branches and you tell them that Beau's awesome!"

LAURA: Yeah! You want me to send a message to all the other--?

MARISHA: No, no, that's fine, that's fine.

SAM: Should we set off?

MARISHA: Yeah, should we go now?

LAURA: Oh, oh, yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we're rested, right?

TALIESIN: We're eventually going to want to sleep. Did we?

SAM: Did we rest?

LAURA: Nope.

TALIESIN: No.

SAM: Did we fight?

TALIESIN: I mean, we just got out of-- I mean, a lot happened.

SAM: Yeah, but I'm at-- I'm full.

LAURA: I got some spells gone.

TALIESIN: I got some spells gone.

LAURA: Plus if we go to Orly, we gots-- oh wait, we don't have dusted gems. Hey, Yussa, do you have any gem dust?

TALIESIN: And a diamond.

LAURA: And a diamond, do you have a diamond?

TRAVIS: Revivify diamond.

MATT: "Ah, let me look. Wensforth?" (as Wensforth) "Yes master, what can I do for you?" (as Yussa) "Could we perhaps look around for a diamond, what--"

LAURA: 300-ish.

MATT: "What they requested."

LAURA: And also just some gem dust.

MATT: "Which-- any specific type of gem?"

LAURA: Can I remember what Orly said we needed?

SAM: Different kinds, right?

TALIESIN: Yeah, all sorts of different kinds.

MATT: I could go and look it up real fast, because I forgot.

TALIESIN: Write a swank rhyme about it.

MATT: (laughing)

MARISHA: There was a printout or something?

TALIESIN: Somewhere there was a printout, that was a while ago.

SAM: Not of the tattoos.

MATT: I did, I thought I told you! That's all right.

SAM: You told.

LAURA: You told us.

MATT: That's okay, we'll--

LAURA: We're the worst.

(papers rustling)

TRAVIS: Think of all the Tusktooth tattoos out there right now, just disappointed in you, Laura.

LAURA: Wha-- why? What?

SAM: For not taking good notes.

LAURA: Look at my shit ass notes, of course that--

TRAVIS: Was that a panda I just saw on--?

MATT: So for Orly's talents, it is ruby dust for strength, emerald dust for dexterity, diamond dust for constitution, sapphire dust for intelligence, jade for wisdom, aquamarine for charisma, fire opal for resist fire, starfire sapphire, or black star sapphire for resist cold. And the amounts generally range between the 2,200 gold to 2,500 gold for all the statistical benefits, and 5,000 for the resistances.

TALIESIN: It doesn't-- it won't push you beyond natural levels either, will it? The tattoos?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I mean--

MARISHA: Ooh!

TALIESIN: Really? Okay.

MATT: It's only plus one. So even if you've hit the maximum of 20--

TRAVIS: You get a full sleeve?

MATT: --21 doesn't increase the amount of fire benefits.

LAURA: True. Okay.

LIAM: What if you got two tattoos?

TRAVIS: A quarter sleeve.

MATT: You can only get one tattoo per individual, depending on what you have.

LAURA: Okay. I don't know what all the other ones were, that is as fast as I could write. and it was pretty much nothing.

MATT: Well, if you tell me what statistic you're looking possibly interested in, I could find--

LAURA: I wrote down diamond for constitution, that would be good for me.

MARISHA: I'd be up in that jade. For wisdom.

MATT: Jade for wisdom, plus one.

MARISHA: (laughs) Wait, what you wrote down was wrong? (laughs)

LAURA: I suck! My notes are just doodles!

(laughter)

SAM: Tonight we learned that Laura is illiterate.

(laughter)

LAURA: I need diamond dust. Anybody else? Anybody else need a stat that they would want--

SAM: Of course, but it sounds extremely expensive!

LAURA: Well, I don't know how much money we just got from Halas.

TRAVIS: Yeah, J.G. Wentworth probably has some diamond dust on standby.

LAURA: Well, it was Halas' stuff.

SAM: Yeah, I can use charisma, strength, anything.

LAURA: Yeah, woof, woof.

SAM: (laughs) Easy! (laughter) Don't stat shame me.

LAURA: (laughs) Oh shit! (laughs) Okay.

MATT: All right, so what is it you guys are wanting to do?

TRAVIS: A 350 gold diamond, and some diamond dust.

LAURA: A 300 gold diamond, yeah.

MATT: We'll say, given the help with Yussa, Wensforth goes ahead and brings you a diamond worth 350 gold pieces. (as Wensforth) "It's-- it's the largest one I could find. Is this all right, master?" (as Yussa) "Yes, give it to them."

TALIESIN: I'll take it.

LAURA: Because you gave me yours.

TALIESIN: Oh, well, all right.

MATT: "And as far-- which gem did you request?"

LAURA: Diamond dust for me.

MATT: "That is the diamond-- I would have to take a gem to turn it into dust, so I can convert that, but it would still only be about--"

TRAVIS: 350.

LAURA: Anybody else? Oh god, we need a lot of gem dust.

TRAVIS: I mean, you could ask him if he has an overabundance of rubies?

MATT: Did anybody check-- pick up the satchel?

TRAVIS: Oh no, check in the fucking bag!

LAURA: Look in the bag, look in the bag!

TRAVIS: I open the bag.

SAM: It's all ruby dust. (laughs)

MATT: Yeah. Checking it, it looks, it's-- first off, no gold. At first, you're like, oh, the bag is silver. But then the light hits it, and it's much more polished and much brighter in its color.

LAURA: Holy shit!

MATT: It is a satchel of platinum.

TRAVIS: Oh fuck! (laughs)

MATT: Do you want to--

LAURA: A whole satchel!

MATT: If you want to take the time to count it later on, you can. Or unless you want to count in the middle of his chamber in front of everything, it's up to you, but--

LIAM: One.

LAURA: (laughs) No!

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: We'll wait.

SAM: Pla-inum.

LAURA: Man, I really want to know.

MATT: For the of ease everything, it comes to about 2,100 platinum.

SAM: Wait, 2,100 platinum?

MATT: Correct. Which comes to about 21,000 gold pieces.

SAM: Ge-ge-ge-ge-ge-ge!

LAURA: Wait, so wait. Oh my God.

TRAVIS: I think it's the most money we've ever had.

MATT: This campaign, yeah.

MARISHA: We've been pretty D&D poor.

MATT: You guys have been D&D poor for a long time, and--

TRAVIS: We've been sitting in those three digits.

MARISHA: Yeah, we have.

MATT: And you pulled him out of a very, very rich series of halls.

LAURA: So everybody gets 350 platinum.

MATT: And that's your split.

LIAM: Say that again?

LAURA: Everybody gets 350 platinum.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's happening.

TRAVIS: Shit!

SAM: (shocked laughter) Wow!

TRAVIS: I'm Sam Riegel rich.

LIAM: 350.

(laughter)

SAM: Oh man.

TALIESIN: Oh wow.

LAURA: Woo!

TRAVIS: Cool.

TALIESIN: That's a number.

MATT: You got some spending cash.

SAM: Day-um!

LAURA: Day-um!

TRAVIS: Let's go to--

TALIESIN: I'm going to go buy--

TRAVIS: Pumat Sol's. I just said Gilmore's.

LAURA: Let's go buy everything!

MATT: If you're heading to Zadash, yeah, he'll be there.

LIAM: We can afford to now.

SAM: Are we going to go do these tattoos--

MATT: (as Gilmore) "Sorry, we haven't met quite yet."

TRAVIS: Those prices have gone up! (laughter) Premium. Go with the premium, Gilmore brand.

LAURA: I mean, it's up to you guys.

MATT: (as Gilmore) "It's up to one of our many dozen or so franchises."

TRAVIS: Yes!

LAURA: It's just constitution, I can wait.

TALIESIN: I mean--

SAM: We're here.

TALIESIN: We're here.

MARISHA: We should probably go check in on our boat, right? Do we owe taxes or marina rental or--

TALIESIN: Let's take a second to collect ourselves.

SAM: Where do we go? We have to go to a jewel shop for us to buy jewels?

LAURA: It's a thing. Maybe we should just go to Zadash.

LIAM: What about your home?

MARISHA: Say hi to mom.

LAURA: We just said-- oh, I guess it's been a while.

MATT: You do know that Nicodranas, because it is a port town, there's a lot of trade, you could probably find a number of gems if you're looking for it. But you don't have to if you don't want to, either.

SAM: Do you want to try?

LAURA: I mean, I could get a tattoo, you guys!

SAM: I wouldn't mind one either.

TRAVIS: Sure.

MARISHA: Had my mind on one for a while.

LAURA: Let's go see Orly.

MARISHA: Okay.

LAURA: But first, let's stop and get gem dust. And then go back and like, duh duh duh duh.

MATT: Fair enough, okay.

TRAVIS: My god!

MATT: So, you, well for one thing, your ship, the Balleater, (laughter) has been out at sea for quite some time. You're uncertain as to the location of it, currently.

TRAVIS: Remember, it's still working and moving.

LAURA: Oh, I thought Orly was just hanging out here, I didn't think he was still going--

MATT: They've been doing shipping runs, and bringing things up along the coast, earning you guys money while you've been away.

LAURA: Oh!

TRAVIS: Passive income, y'all.

LAURA: He's been getting us money, too?

TRAVIS: We might as well just buy Nicodranas.

LAURA: Fuck, let's go check in and see what we got!

SAM: 40 gold!

(laughter)

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: But we don't know if they're there, so we should go to the port?

LAURA: Sure.

SAM: All right. We'll go to the docks.

LAURA: How much diamond dust did I need for constitution?

MATT: Constitution would've been--

SAM: We'll see if our boat's there.

MARISHA: We need to see if Orly is, has stuff.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MARISHA: In case he's like, oh, I happened to come across 25 gold.

MATT: Constitution would be 2500 gold worth of diamond dust.

TALIESIN: Stat bumps are 2500, resistances are five.

MATT: Some of them are 2200. Strength and dexterity are 22, wisdom, charisma are 22. Constitution, intelligence are, intelligence-- so they're all 22 except for constitution, which is 25.

LAURA: I need it.

TALIESIN: And then the resistances are five.

MATT: Five, yes. But that is a permanent resistance to a specific damage.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's impressive.

TRAVIS: Leave the Tide Peak, I'm going to head towards the port.

MATT: All right. So you guys make your way towards, there are two ports, if you recall.

TRAVIS: I know.

MATT: There's the Open Quay [key].

SAM: Yep.

MATT: So as not to make people hate me for forever.

SAM: Oh, the Open Quay [kway], you mean?

MATT: That one.

SAM: Or the Restless Wharf?

LIAM: But they're both correct, we learned that. We did. They're both correct.

MATT: True. And I've used both, so there you go. A gift to everyone on the internet to not be too angry. Or everyone's angry, I don't know. I'm used to it at this point. Or there's the Restless Wharf. The Open Quay is the one you're closest to. That's the one that's actually owned by Yussa. Yussa oversees this entire section of the city and keeps it away from the guilds that run the rest of Nicodranas.

TRAVIS: Let's go there.

LAURA: Yeah, let's go to that one.

MATT: Mkay.

LAURA: Where did we leave Orly?

MATT: Restless Wharf. But, as you approach the seaside, you look out for the ship. Who wants to keep, who wants to look for the Balleater?

LAURA: I'll look!

TALIESIN: I'll look.

MATT: All right, both of you guys make perception checks.

TALIESIN: 19.

LAURA: 11.

MATT: Okay. You look out for a bit, and it's just now, the sun's getting a little high in the sky, and as such, the brightness of just off the surface of the water itself blinds you a bit, but some of the reflections catch you from the waves that are coming in. Caduceus, you do see the Balleater, and it is heading out. It is maybe a half mile out of port.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's--

TRAVIS: Caleb, Fireball.

LAURA: Oh, no, I send a message! (laughter) I send a message to Orly! Orly! Come back! We are here in Nicodranas and we see the Balleater and you're sailing away. Are you-- come back! Because we want to talk to you!

MARISHA: ♪ Orly, come back! ♪

LAURA: ♪ Orly, come back! ♪

TRAVIS: Aw jeez.

MATT: The voice comes back.

(laughter)

MATT: Returning.

(laughter)

MATT: "Oh, it's been a while."

(laughter)

MATT: "Yeah, it's good to hear your voice there, Mmmm... M'lady. We'll go ahead and turn that around for ya. Give us a m-m-moment." And you see the ship slowly begin to turn, making its way back towards--

TALIESIN: It's really calming to watch.

LAURA: He's on his way back!

MATT: For the purposes of searching for gems, per gem, per gem, you probably couldn't find more than 3,000 gold worth of it to be ground into dust, and it's a strange request to purchase gems from a jeweler and be like, thank you, can you grind it up for me, too?

(laughter)

MATT: I mean, sure. But that means, with what's available in Nicodranas, you couldn't double up on a statistic.

MARISHA: Right.

LAURA: Okay. Who wants what?

SAM: Do we have enough money to get everything? Like, one of every gem?

LAURA: Well, if you guys pick what you want and we can--

TALIESIN: I don't need anything. I'm fine.

LAURA: I want to get constitution.

MARISHA: I want wisdom, get my ki saving throw up.

TRAVIS: Y'all are spending 2,500 gold each?

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

TRAVIS: Just checking.

MARISHA: It's like half of what we just made.

LAURA: But it's a stat, man!

MARISHA: Yeah!

LAURA: It's a full point.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MARISHA: You could bump some shit up.

LAURA: Can you increase anything and go to evens?

TRAVIS: I'm kind of perfect.

TALIESIN: I'm pretty happy.

TRAVIS: I'm just going to wait for a sword of infinite healing.

SAM: Matt, the resistances are damage type resistances?

MATT: Yes. Fire and cold are the two you can choose.

SAM: Should I do strength or charisma?

LAURA: Charisma.

SAM: I mean-- (laughs)

LAURA: Like, seriously.

SAM: Uh, okay, I'll do charisma.

MATT: Okay.

(laughter)

MATT: All righty. So, for those who have decided to possibly get a tattoo from Orly--

SAM: Possibly get a tattoo.

TRAVIS: Fucking group tattoos are always the shit draw.

(laughter)

SAM: Should we all get the same design?

LAURA: Or should we get something similar?

(laughter)

SAM: Beauregard, should we get one of which-- what should the design be? Oh! It's the girl-- we're all going to get-- it's a girl's tattoo day!

MARISHA: Wait, is it just the three of us?

SAM: Yeah, yeah!

LAURA: Caleb, are you getting anything?

TRAVIS: Everybody sticks around for the first one.

SAM: Should we do Chaos Crew? Chaos Crew!

MARISHA: Fuck, that's pretty good.

LAURA: That's pretty cool.

MATT: As a note, it's not just a single tattoo, it's a series of tattoos that have to cover enough of your body to actually have an impact. Depending on what you get, like for wisdom, it's probably going to be more like a back of the neck.

LAURA: Oh, that's tight.

MARISHA: Exactly what I was thinking.

MATT: Yeah, back of the neck to shoulders. For constitution, it's probably going to be shoulders and chest, you know.

MARISHA: Oh!

LAURA: I wonder if he can make--

MATT: And you're getting charisma? Really, it's your choice.

SAM: It's a face tattoo?

MARISHA: A face tattoo!

MATT: You can if you want to!

SAM: What are the options?

MATT: For charisma, I mean, it could either be looks or so, it could be something that like frames the face in a beautiful way. It can be less like a visual ink tattoo and more like, you know, those invisible, minor body modifications that are more like skin color designs and stuff you can put in. Charisma's a little more amorphous, because it's not actually a location-based thing, it's more personality, so that's a little more interpretive.

SAM: And which gem is associated with charisma?

MATT: Charisma is aquamarine dust.

LAURA: Ooh! That would be so pretty with your skin, Nott!

SAM: My ugly skin, yes, it would be very pretty.

LAURA: I wonder if, when you change back, if the tattoo will stay?

SAM: I don't know. I guess there's only one way to find out.

LAURA: I bet Caleb can make it happen. You're so smart.

SAM: He is.

LIAM: She and I will work together.

SAM: All right.

TRAVIS: Did you find all your gems yet?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: So we'll say, you guys--

TALIESIN: Ground them up.

MATT: Asking around, it takes, you know, say an hour and a half to two hours, so you're in the early to mid afternoon now. By the time you acquire the gems you require and have them ground up based on the specifications that Orly last left you, and by the time you have come to this point, you wait about 25, 30 minutes or so for the ship to turn around and make its way back to port. As it comes in, the bell rings, the ropes come off, the crew come over the side of the ship and moor to the dock, and begin to wave to you, faces you haven't seen in a while. Some new faces, some old ones from when you made your journey through the Lucidian Ocean and the Menagerie Coast, to and from Darktow. And there you see coming off the edge of the ship, the large gnarled, hard shell of Orly, eye patch adorned, smiling from beneath the tortle grin, lumbers over to each of you, and as he steps off the ship, he grabs the edge of his bagpipes-type scenario. And gives the (imitates bagpipes) sound that is the decree of the ship's arrival to dock that they've become used to here in Nicodranas. As Orly approaches and goes up to you first, Captain Tusktooth, and goes--

TRAVIS: Oh shit!

MATT: "Here you are! Been too long."

TRAVIS: Yes, it's lovely to see you, Orly.

MATT: Clasps your hand. "So, how goes the m-m-majority of your adventures?"

TRAVIS: They've been thrilling. We've learned, we've seen, and we've grown. How fares the Balleater?

MATT: "Not terribly! We've been doing business all up and down the Menagerie Coast. Got all sorts of m-money for you."

TRAVIS: Oh really?

MATT: (whistles) He gives a big whistle, and they bring a small chest off the edge and drop it down.

LAURA: Whoa!

MATT: Which, delivering to you guys what now accounts for 1,312 gold pieces has been your split of the money they've made since you've last left them. Yes.

MARISHA: Did you guys take out your money for your gem dust?

SAM: I just did, yeah.

MARISHA: It was 2,200?

SAM: 2,500.

MARISHA: I thought 2,500 was for diamonds.

TALIESIN: 22 for--

LAURA: Yeah, you guys, it's 22.

MATT: "War time m-makes for very nice profits."

TRAVIS: We'll take 150 gold out of that pile and leave it for Orly, yes?

LAURA: Oh yes.

MARISHA: Yes, so wait for that back.

MATT: "Oh, no need, cap'n. That is your split. We've already been paid from the money that was--"

LAURA: 280.

MATT: "--made."

MARISHA: Are going to tip-- are we going to tip him or not?

SAM: Orly, we've come to get some ink.

MATT: "(laughs) I was wondering when y'all be coming 'round and getting yourself some m-mighty fine ink!"

(laughter)

MATT: "Let me get my m-m-materials." He goes back on to the ship and eventually sets up on the deck of the Balleater, a table, some sort of a strange, it's half an alchemical contraption, and part of it is some strange tinkered mechanism. At the end of it, you can see a sort of needle element that rotates on a gear and then as he tends to wind it up almost like a loom, it begins to, tik-tik-tik-tik-tik, rather rapidly.

TRAVIS: Orly, can we ask, how painful is this procedure?

MATT: "(laughs) Quite."

TRAVIS: When was the last time you did one of these tattoos? Is it a common thing?

MATT: "This one? Quite a while."

(laughter)

MATT: "Regular m-m-maybe a week." He points over to one of the other deck hands who looks young, fresh-faced, one you haven't met yet, who waves, and goes, (winces) and you can see on his arm, there's still a fresh red, somewhat swollen tattoo on the arm.

MARISHA: Is it infected? Is that infected?

MATT: "(clears throat) He's just, hmm, mmm, mmm, pansy."

(laughter)

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: I totally want to stick around for this. I may go get some fish and chips. I'll see you in what, call it two and a half hours?

SAM: Couple hours, yeah?

MARISHA: May be a little bit.

LIAM: I will join you.

TALIESIN: I'll take some chips.

LAURA: Aww, they're not going to stay and watch us get tattoos?

MARISHA: Fuck that, it's girl time!

ALL: Girl time!

MARISHA: Girl time!

LAURA: Get out! Girl time!

MARISHA: I belly whack Nott.

SAM: Woo!

MARISHA: Yeah! Hyuh!

TRAVIS: Make a dexterity save.

(laughter)

SAM: Aaah!

TRAVIS: Those abs are lethal.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Boom, ahh!

TALIESIN: Arm bone breaks between two abs.

TRAVIS: Abs of death. Drop to zero hit points.

MATT: Oh yeah.

SAM: Can we, in addition to the fancy tattoos, can we get just a little regular tattoo to just commemorate the day?

MATT: Yeah, if you'd like to. It's easy enough to do.

SAM: Okay, cool.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Oh, I was going to say, maybe an exploding keg of gunpowder--

SAM: Pretty cool

LAURA: That's pretty cool.

MARISHA: That's kind of your thing.

LAURA: I know, that's what I was going to say, that's stupid.

MARISHA: Not against chaos--

LAURA: Just Chaos Crew is--

MARISHA: Pretty good.

SAM: CC.

MARISHA: Yeah, CC. Maybe you can be interlocking like a chain, because we're fighting the Chained Oblivion!

SAM: Ooh!

LAURA: Like, but a broken chain, yeah!

MARISHA: Because we're going to break--

LAURA: Break the chains! I like it.

TALIESIN: Fish and chips, huh?

TRAVIS: Yes, yes.

SAM: I'll go first.

MATT: All right.

SAM: I'll take a swig to numb the pain.

(laughter)

SAM: Does he have to roll a performance check? Is this going to work?

MATT: So, you're taking, you're getting a charisma. Correct, so you take the crushed aquamarine dust--

SAM: Yeah, I'm going to take, I would request eyeliner, permanent eyeliner.

LIAM: Wow.

SAM: That maybe sort of swirls off and swirls up here.

MATT: Oh, that's cool! Okay! Yeah, that's, it's almost like a Mardi Gras mask, but it's just your face in some way.

LAURA: Whoa!

MATT: So, as you describe it, Orly goes like, "Hmm, hmm. That I can do." Takes the dust and you see drip-- places it in the top of the small device, it goes into this glass funnel, and begins to wind it up with his large tortle foot, and as it does, you can hear the grinding sound.

LIAM: Put a stick in that big goblin mouth.

LAURA: I want to try to learn what he's doing. I'm watching everything.

MATT: Okay. Make a perception check and an intelligence check, back to back for me. Perception first.

LAURA: Perception. Oh, come on!

SAM: Ooh!

LAURA: My perception was shit, it was eight. But my intelligence was 16.

MATT: Okay. You can comprehend elements of the enchantment process. You watch the device as one half of it, but the other half is, as he takes the extension to this strange tinkered, gear-like device where the needle seems to stem from, and the small tube that draws into it that blends with the ink, there's an element to what Orly's muttering under his breath. There's a perpetual almost like a chant.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: That he does.

LAURA: He said he would apprentice me a long time ago.

MATT: He probably had to remember.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: He's focused on the job at hand. And then-- and while you pick up elements of it, you have a hard time focusing, there's so many things going on, that as he begins to deliver the tattoo to Nott, you don't quite grasp the intricacies of it. But describe how well you handle-- I guess make a constitution saving throw for me.

SAM: Sure. I'm drinking.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

SAM: A constitution save?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Nine.

MATT: Nine! You pass out partway through.

(laughter)

MATT: You drink, drink to hold on and just go limp.

TRAVIS: She's just like, aah!

(laughter)

SAM: Aaah! Aaah.

MATT: The three of you guys' tattoos will lead into the evening. So each tattoo's going to take a number of hours to go through. They're not extremely elaborate, but it's a lot of ground to cover, or the intricacy, especially with a face based tattoo, it takes a lot of care. So, pushing in towards the, at this point--

SAM: Am I a little puffy?

MATT: The early onset of dusk seems to be, probably start hitting about now or in the next half hour or so. You come to consciousness in the chair on the edge of the ship, you wake up to the immediate smell of ocean spray and salt in the air and brine, and you glance over and see this big, smiling tortle face with the one eye patch go, "Hmm, some of my best work."

SAM: Oh!

MATT: Sits up, and you can feel already the puffiness. And you guys all look at Nott, and Nott is a little swollen.

TRAVIS: Oh!

MATT: In the face.

SAM: What, is it okay?

MARISHA: It's fine.

LAURA: It's really shimmery, it looks really good.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: I can barely see!

MARISHA: You've got a nice glow.

LAURA: Yeah. It's like natural highlighter.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

SAM: All right, I'm going to go to sleep now.

MARISHA: Okay. We're going to get ours done.

SAM: All right. Chaos crew!

(laughter)

MATT: So there you go. With that completed, you get a permanent plus one bonus to your charisma.

SAM: Yes!

MATT: To increase your ability score there. Who's up next?

MARISHA: You want to go, or you want me to go?

LAURA: I can go next.

MARISHA: Okay.

LAURA: Okay!

MATT: All right. You walk up to Orly. "So what m-m-might you be looking to put on your canvas?"

LAURA: Well, I'm using diamond dust, here you go.

MATT: Places it back up into the glass vat, it all begins to sift in to the machine. "Mm-hmm?"

LAURA: I was wondering if you could make it look like, almost like a small cape, you know, like the one that I used to wear? The little short one? Like, covering my shoulders and my chest? And then right here, I want two hands, like this in front, like the Traveler is hugging me.

MATT: "That I can do." Begins to wind up the machine, you can hear the grinding sound within.

MARISHA: Yo, hands are really hard.

LAURA: That is true. Orly's super talented.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LAURA: Am I getting naked in front of Orly?!

MATT: You don't have to get--

LAURA: I mean, as you're doing my tattoo on my chest!

MATT: Orly looks at you and goes, "Whatever makes you comfortable."

MARISHA: Here. I take off my sash. Tie this around you like a little tube top. There you go.

MATT: Yeah. So you're there. As you take off bits of the armor and the outfit and tie the tube top around, you can now see, if you guys are there, Jester, as cute as she is and as billowing as her outfit is, having her just there with the tube top on, especially in a Beau-esque type outfit, fucking ripped!

LIAM: Jersey Shore.

MARISHA: I try to make it not seem like I'm checking her out.

MATT: Okay. Orly goes to work. It takes about three hours to complete the process. Make a constitution saving throw for me.

LAURA: Do I add my new modifier?

MATT: You do not.

LAURA: No! (laughs) Five!

MATT: You're (hyperventilating).

LAURA: I got this, I got this, I got this.

(laughter)

MATT: You go limp again. Orly catches Jester in the small of the back and looks over towards you, Beau, and goes, and goes right back to work. It takes a little longer, because he's now dealing with a rag doll.

MARISHA: I'll try and lift her head up occasionally.

MATT: The sun has set, the night has come, as you come to consciousness. You can see the stars in the sky, a moon slowly coming up over the sea-based horizon. And a slight tinge of just ever-present pain across your torso.

LAURA: Ow!

MATT: Which, you look down, it's a beautiful design. It's specifically what you asked for. And you get a permanent plus one to your constitution.

SAM: Wow!

TRAVIS: Oh shit!

MARISHA: That's so cool.

SAM: That's huge.

MATT: "So there, you the last one."

MARISHA: I am. You still up for it? You've been doing a lot of work. You're not going to trip on the fucking finish line?

MATT: "I been bored for m-m-many months. Nice to get the fingers m-m-moving."

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah.

MATT: "Sit down." Give him which dust?

MARISHA: The jade dust.

MATT: The jade dust. He places it in the machine. Winds it up, what kind of tattoo do you want?

MARISHA: I pull out Molly's tarot cards, and I flip through the tarot cards until I find the design of the All-Seeing Eye.

MATT: Hmm, okay.

MARISHA: Because he had that on the back of his neck.

TALIESIN: Yes he did.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Right below. And then I point out the other filigree on the card, and tell him to just--

TRAVIS: Get it.

MARISHA: Embellish it out.

MATT: "That I can do for you." Now you're turning the other way on the chair, as opposed to everyone else, who's been sitting in the front of it, you're actually with your chest against the back of the chair, leaning forward.

TRAVIS: Why is Beau entirely naked?

(laughter)

MATT: It's the weirdest thing.

MARISHA: Straddling a chair backwards.

LIAM: Doing the downward dog in the middle of the wharf.

TRAVIS: Maybe dessert? Shall we get dessert? We'll be back.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Fucking bonbons.

SAM: Funnel cake.

TRAVIS: Fuck. Funnel cake.

MATT: Constitution saving throw for me.

TALIESIN: Be the one.

LAURA: You've got this, you've got this.

TALIESIN: Be the one!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: You rolled a one.

LAURA: Oh three, you got a three as well?

MARISHA: Six.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Bunch of bitches.

MATT: At first it feels like a tickle, you're like, oh, that's not too bad.

LAURA: You've got this, Beau, you've got this.

MATT: And then it turns into a burning, and then it starts hitting the nape of the neck where it hits the base of the skull and actually tapping on the bone a bit.

ALL: Oh.

MATT: And the pain begins to suddenly (pulsing). Blackness. (laughter) Void, darkness, unconsciousness. You have the tunnel vision. You wake up.

MARISHA: Fuck!

MATT: It's a few hours into the night, not quite midnight, but it's definitely later in the evening, like 10:30 or so, or 10 o'clock at least. You come to consciousness, and you can feel the pain in the back of your neck.

MARISHA: I didn't pass out!

LAURA: It looks so good! No, you were awake the whole time. It looks so good!

MARISHA: Does it?

SAM: I can't see anything!

(laughter)

SAM: I think it looks good! Is that Beau?

(laughter)

SAM: It's really swollen.

TRAVIS: Nott's pointing the other direction.

(laughter)

MATT: Staring at Orly, Orly just spins Nott around, back towards Beauregard. Finished, and it's a little sore, but you know, Orly goes and takes a hand mirror that they had below deck pulls it over and shows you a little bit, best you can see from behind over this way. From what you can see out of the corner of your eye, it looks gorgeous. It's a beautiful interpretation of the all-seeing eye, the filigree wraps around it, and then comes out of each corner and then wraps up over and then across the shoulder there. Comes to a curl at the top of the deltoid. And the very point, the filigree actually comes up. You can see he had to cut and shave a little bit of the hair up the back. But the filigree actually spills up the back of the skull, and stops at the crown.

TRAVIS: Oh! That's fucking dope!

MARISHA: Taps into my spinal column!

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: That's cool!

MATT: So. You get a plus one permanently to your wisdom.

MARISHA: Thank you, Orly.

LAURA: Nice.

MATT: The evening is here. The rest of you come back, greasy-fingered, finishing your fish and chips.

LIAM: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I want to role play fish and chips!

(laughter)

MATT: All right!

LIAM: Back it up!

TALIESIN: I've rolled for vinegar.

(laughter)

MARISHA: They were out.

MATT: Yeah.

(laughter)

MATT: Is there anything the three of you would like to accomplish while they're getting their tattoos?

LIAM: I want to talk.

MATT: All right. You do have a number of hours to converse, so.

LIAM: Yeah. Halfway through the meal, ja.

SAM: In the distance you just hear: (screams of pain)

TALIESIN: I think it's going well.

TRAVIS: "Make it stop!"

MATT: Whose was this, by the way?

SAM: That's Halas.

MARISHA: That's, yeah, it's Halas. It was mine, I started role playing with it.

MATT: It's yours now, there you go.

MARISHA: I don't roll with it, because it's--

MATT: Big.

TALIESIN: Comically large.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: What are you talking about? The big ones are fun.

MATT: Sorry, back to you guys. You finish your greasy fish and chips here.

LIAM: I really wish I had fish and chips right now.

MARISHA: That sounds really good.

MATT: I know. Based on the journey, the tension, everything that's come your way, it is strangely comforting, having a moment of quiet to breathe along the shoreline. An ocean that you only became familiar with for the first time, you know, about months ago. As you guys finish your meal, you have a moment of quiet to look amongst yourselves.

LIAM: Can I ask you a question, and you as well?

TALIESIN: Sure.

LIAM: I'm not a man of faith like the two of you. I know that there are gods on high who look down upon us and interact with the mortal coil from time to time. But in my life, I have only ever felt like an ant. Finding my way about in the mud. Certainly, no feeling of... fate, no connection to that. But. Everything that is happening with this group of nine, continues to build. We are so different, all of us. Seemingly so little alike, and yet, for the first time in my life, I can't shake the feeling that we have been pulled together, and that is a very foreign thought to me.

TALIESIN: I knew that you had a destiny from the moment I met you. It's in everything you do. You are particular.

LIAM: I don't feel that.

TALIESIN: Well, it's a matter of perspective, I suppose. You were always moving towards something, since you-- since you've been who you are. You're moving towards something, right?

LIAM: I have been.

TALIESIN: Well. It's kind of how-- how do I put this? So have you ever-- have you ever planted a tree before? Or a plant, have you ever planted anything? Put anything in the ground?

LIAM: A long time ago, yeah, plants.

TALIESIN: Yeah, what did you plant?

LIAM: Green beans.

TALIESIN: Green beans, perfect. So you put something in the ground. It didn't look like much. You knew what you were going to get at the end of it. You put this thing in the ground, and it's going to do what it's going to do. It doesn't know what it is. It doesn't know its purpose, but it's moving to green beans. The gods plant us, they plant their will and their desire, and we move towards the fruit that we will eventually bear for them, if all goes well. That plant may not have made it, that plant may have fallen to a chill or circumstance, been eaten by something that didn't appreciate what put it there. But destiny has planted you here and now, and it hopes that you will bear its fruit. That's destiny.

TRAVIS: Don't look at me, I'm learning.

TALIESIN: The tree doesn't know what it's going to fruit. You don't know where you're headed, but you were put here, and I've always known this, but I will admit, I have never felt it, as truly as I have since meeting the rest of you. This is-- (sighs) This is... This is a garden. This is a good garden. A lot of manure. (chuckles) But a good garden. And what is the point of a chip if not just to douse it in vinegar? It's really the only point of this. It's bland otherwise.

TRAVIS: That's true, yeah. Really has no other purpose.

TALIESIN: Does that help, Caleb? Well, at least it's worth pondering.

LIAM: What about you, are you ready to go chasing after Tharizdun? That's a real sentence that I just said out loud.

TRAVIS: You did. You did. I am not ready for that. I admit, I haven't been ready for any of this. We've just sort of been falling forward, one foot catching our momentum after the other. It's actually quite nice sitting like this. I can't really imagine what life would be like if we weren't trying to unravel this incredible mystery. I'm sure calm will come again one day, but until then, listening to my friends, we've been given an incredible opportunity to affect change, maybe change the course of some things. I don't know if we'll do it, I don't even know how to start.

TALIESIN: Start by helping a friend.

LIAM: A very large part of me still feels that this is all stupid, that I should run away and stick my head in the sand. This is not for us, for me. This is our death.

TALIESIN: Well, you are the smart one.

TRAVIS: You're also not wrong.

LIAM: But... I have started to forget what it was like to not be with you people. And we are missing one, and I am stuck on that, that we are missing one.

TALIESIN: It's good to know your goal, to really know it. It'll help you.

TRAVIS: I think the other part of it is, if you know everything that we know, and you have a choice, do you choose not to act and sit by idly, letting the rest of your life go by? Or do you act knowing full well that you might fail entirely?

LIAM: Well, I'm at least familiar with the concept of failure.

TRAVIS: I think I'm becoming comfortable with the idea of failing with you. Makes it a little less lonely.

LIAM: (chuckles) You two are all right.

TALIESIN: Getting better.

TRAVIS: You are as well. You should give yourself more credit. I know. Just think about it.

TALIESIN: I saw how hard it was for you in there, in the ball. You put others before yourself over and over again in there. That wasn't easy. It was very impressive.

LIAM: What's our next move?

TALIESIN: Oof. (laughs)

LIAM: Going to Zadash, maybe is what we will do, but it is complicated for me, Fjord, to go to Zadash, to speak to this man. I don't know that I can do that. I'm not saying that we don't, but I don't know that I can do that.

TALIESIN: We're going to have to protect you while we're there.

TRAVIS: And I think we'll also need to listen to what it is you want to do in case we run across any of the unsavory types we've met previously.

TALIESIN: Specifically, the ones that have it out for you. And we're going to have to get out as cleanly and quickly as possible.

TRAVIS: Or. What do you want to do?

TALIESIN: Hmm.

TRAVIS: Do you want to run? Or find some absolution?

LIAM: If we go there, I want to find any information from Hass. And leave. I don't need to get my (sighs) feet wet in that. We have a friend who needs us and we have something bigger, bigger than anything, apparently, to deal with, so.

TALIESIN: First we save our friend.

LIAM: First we save our friend.

TALIESIN: Everything else will come.

TRAVIS: Agreed.

LIAM: I hate tattoos.

(laughter)

SAM: Ah!

TRAVIS: Yep.

LIAM: They're just not for me.

TALIESIN: They're frowned upon in my family, so.

TRAVIS: We pound our pints and we go.

MATT: You eventually catch up with the ship at the dock as the three ladies come back a little bruised, but happy with the art that has been placed upon their canvas.

TRAVIS: What the fuck!

TALIESIN: We brought fish and-- oh my. Wow.

TRAVIS: What is wrong with your face?

LAURA: She's a little swollen right now. It'll go down! Don't look at the swell, look at the design!

SAM: Who's talking?

TRAVIS: What happened?

TALIESIN: Oh!

SAM: Do I look prettier?

LIAM: Do you want some chips?

TALIESIN: We brought fish and chips. I'm not--

LIAM: I start inserting them in her mouth. Carefully.

SAM: Ah!

TRAVIS: Show us the other ones besides the horror on Nott's face.

MARISHA: Just don't touch me.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

TALIESIN: Wow.

TRAVIS: You got a haircut at the same time.

MARISHA: Yeah-- oh! You piece of-- (laughter) I punch Fjord.

MATT: Roll an attack roll. With advantage, because he wasn't expecting it.

(laughter)

LIAM: A one?

MARISHA: Natural one! 11, So 21.

MATT: Roll damage. Think about how hard you want to hit, it's up to you.

LIAM and TALIESIN: Full force!

TRAVIS: I just had fish and chips, bring it.

MARISHA: No, I'm doing a d4, I'm doing a d4.

SAM: Stunning strike.

MARISHA: It's still eight damage.

SAM: Sentinel.

MATT: Where are you hitting him?

LIAM: Extract aspects!

MARISHA: Just in the shoulder.

TRAVIS: Come on.

MATT: You go unexpected, and not tensing for any sort of battle scenario, Beau turns around and clocks you in the shoulder. You fall on to your hip and (grinding) skid across for about three or four feet. That shit's going to hurt in the morning.

TRAVIS: I fall, and I'm like-- Good. That was a good one.

MARISHA: I honestly didn't mean to hit you that hard. I feel a little bad.

TRAVIS: It's fine, no, I earned it.

MARISHA: You just caught me off guard.

LAURA: Just stay down, just stay down.

TRAVIS: I'll stay here. Jester, what'd you get?

LAURA: Well, I'm still in my tube top. I'm just wearing the sash, because I can't put my clothes on over it just yet.

TRAVIS: You are fucking jacked!

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Well, yeah!

MARISHA: Right?

TRAVIS: It's kind of ridiculous.

MARISHA: I mean, I've seen her in the hot tub and stuff, but I think it really just highlights it.

LAURA: Well, it shimmers on this.

MARISHA: I know. I've noticed.

TRAVIS: It looks good.

LAURA: Thank you!

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: And we also got these awesome Chaos Crew tattoos! Look at that! You can just see it right there, yeah! We just decided!

TRAVIS: Arm tap.

MARISHA: Ah!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I try and dodge it on the second one!

MARISHA: Oh, I just hold that one in.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Can we sleep on the boat tonight, Orly, and then tomorrow away, or should we go to your house?

LAURA: Either away.

MATT: "Of course, it's your ship. We got rooms down below for all y'all to be sleeping."

TALIESIN: I apologize for putting you a day behind.

MATT: "Day behind? I'm happy to be seeing all of y'all."

TALIESIN: Appreciate it.

TRAVIS: Any news to be shared from the open sea, anything we should know about? Anything from-- what was the name of the pirate island?

ALL: Darktow.

TRAVIS: Darktow?

LAURA: What was the name of the pirate captain guy? The Darktow, the pirate king?

MATT: "The Plank King."

LAURA: The Plank King.

MATT: "Far as I know, ain't been hearing too much from that island. But the pirates be out and about. Wartime be m-m-making money for all those moving up and down the coast. That means it's extra gold for those who then attack the ships, so pirates be around."

TRAVIS: Well, glad to hear you're keeping safe. If you happen to hear any reports of giant, snake-like monsters covered in eyes, just be sure to let us know, being set free on the seas.

MATT: "What?"

TRAVIS: Just, you know, in the back of your head.

SAM and LAURA: (whispering) Uk'otoa!

MATT: "Well, sleep well. I'll come get y'all in the m-m-morning."

LAURA: Thanks, Orly.

MATT: You guys find your old places to sleep within the ship. While nowhere near as nice as the Lavish Chateau, of course, there is a weird comfort and a flood of nostalgic memories of your previous adventure here in the Lucidian Ocean. Sleep comes readily to those of you who ate heavy food. Becomes a little more difficult for those who are undergoing now progressively heightening physical pain from the tattoos you received, but does eventually come to you. In the morning, the swelling has subsided. Still a bit sensitive, but the tattoos are there and present, their effects fully instated. You can already hear the seagulls awakening and the end of the lower decks of the ship are already beginning, at least near the edges of your chambers outside. The heat is beginning to rise from the sun upon the exterior of the boat itself. The morning is yours. Is there anything you guys want to do, by the way, before you slept?

TALIESIN: No, just picking my spells.

LAURA: Oh, yeah, I should do that too. Oh my gosh! My hit points went up!

MATT: Yeah. Yeah, per level, one per level.

MARISHA: Per level.

LAURA: Oh! That's awesome!

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Is that not why you picked your constitution?

TALIESIN: You forget that you got all those nifty--

LAURA: Yeah, those little bonuses from constitution. I am going to not wear my under dress on top. I'm just going to wear my thing, because I want to show off my awesome arm tattoos.

TRAVIS: There's a lot of definition where your bicep meets your deltoid, it's--

LAURA: (explosions)

TRAVIS: Shit, yep. Like an A on the back of her arm, it's incredible.

SAM: She's stacked.

MATT: So rest is had.

SAM: Caleb?

MATT: Consciousness comes. The morning is yours, what would you like to do?

SAM: Shall we away? How do we do it? By boat or by teleport?

TRAVIS: Definitely by foot.

LIAM: Not by boat.

TRAVIS: We walk.

LIAM: We're leaving straight away? Yeah, you're good?

LAURA: Yeah, I think number one, I didn't tell my mom I was getting a tattoo beforehand, so--

TRAVIS: Oof.

LAURA: I just want to give a little bit of time so I can hide it, you know, before. Give her some warning.

TALIESIN: Fair.

MARISHA: Is she weird about stuff like that?

LAURA: Well, I mean--

TALIESIN: Never can tell.

LAURA: I never, you know--

MARISHA: Right. Discussion was never brought up, yeah.

TRAVIS: Are you going to visit home in a sweater from now on?

LAURA: Maybe.

TRAVIS: All right.

TALIESIN: Seeing people who find out their kids have tattoos literally at the funeral. It's a thing that happens.

LAURA: Yeah, you know. Plus, you know, I think it makes her sad sometimes when we pop in and out so quickly and we don't stay.

SAM: Makes me very sad, yes.

TRAVIS: All right. Then let's go. Back to the tower?

LAURA: Yeah, because you didn't even go see your--

MARISHA: We don't have to go to the tower.

SAM: I know, and it's painful.

MARISHA: He can do it here.

TRAVIS: Sure, sure.

LIAM: We'll do it on the deck.

SAM: It's painful to go and see someone for three hours and leave.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I didn't know if you wanted to wait.

MATT: You guys make your way to the deck of the Balleater. The crew are still out and about, carousing on the shore, as they aren't immediately heading out to sea. As you gather around, Caleb takes his chalk and sets the ritual ahead, begins to draw the sigil on the wood deck that matches that of--?

LIAM: Zadash.

MATT: Zadash, the Valley Archive of the Cobalt Soul. As you complete the final lines upon the symbol, it glows for a moment. You can feel the faint hum and the vibration of the wood boards beneath your feet that signify that the spell is active. At that point, you all start running through. Caleb, being the last one to jump through, you look up right as Orly comes up from below deck with a couple of platters and goes, "M-m-made breakfast."

LAURA: That is so sad!

MATT: And that's where we'll take our break.

ALL: Hey!

MATT: On your way back to Zadash, we'll return and see what awaits you there, when we return from our break. In the interim, we do have our Wyrmwood giveaway for the break! So, this here is the Corrupted Collection Master Vault, available via the BackerKit of their Kickstarter. For those who haven't seen it, it's this awesome turquoise werewolf and skull design on the front of its larger Master Vault.

LAURA: Their stuff keeps getting cooler and cooler!

MATT: Yeah, it's kind of crazy. Yeah, you can check it now via their BackerKit on their Kickstarter that just finished around Halloween. But one of you guys gets to win this when we come back from the break, the key word for tonight is "chain." C-H-A-I-N, chain.

TALIESIN: ♪ Chain! ♪

MATT: Enter it once in the chat, more than once, you'll be disqualified, and once again, for the US and Canada only, excluding Quebec, because stupid laws. We'll be back here shortly with the winner. We'll see you in a minute.

Break
(rock music) ♪ You've got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click open the webpage ♪ ♪ You heard about a Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you're ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In that mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It's D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D;, yeah ♪ ♪ D&D; Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D;, yeah ♪ ♪ D&D; Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you've got your sword ♪ ♪ And you've got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It's D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; Beyond ♪ TRAVIS: What's up, all you beautiful people? Happy November from all of us here at Critical Role. Now, you may be asking yourself, Travis, why are you so excited that it's November? Well, that means it's the end of October, which means that it's the end of Halloween, and I don't have to worry about anyone else trying to jump out and scare me. I need a break from all that. But because it is November, we wanted to take this opportunity to announce that Critical Role is once again partnering with the amazing folks over at OSD. Now, if you guys don't know what OSD is, they are an amazing charity that supports military service members and their families, whether in active duty or in civilian life, or even the transition in between, which is so important. Coming from a military family myself, I've been a fan of OSD for years. I've loved working with those guys, and we wanted to take a moment to congratulate them on officially supporting over a million-plus service members and their families. Guys, a million. That is the kind of love we need in this world. These people put so much on the line every day for us, we want to give back in any way that we can. So all month long, charity push, the link is critrole.com/OSD, again that is critrole.com/OSD. Again, and as always, if you're not able to financially support, spread the word. Share the link, let people know, right? This is something that we want to do, we want to give back to these people that do so much for us every single day. We hope we're a part of the next million for OSD, and as always, thank you for your support and generosity, happy November, happy Thanksgiving, bring on the non-spooky holidays. Love you guys. BRIAN (V.O.): Last time on Talks Machina. BRIAN: Oh shit, are we on the internet, Dani? DANI: Jerry, get the hell out of my seat! BRIAN: We don't need you, Jerry, Dani's back. Ah, thank god. DANI: I'm back, motherfuckers. BRIAN: Dani-- MATT: (laughs) LIAM: Guess who's back? BRIAN: I feel like I should apologize for last week's episode. Did you have a chance to see it? DANI: Yeah. Yeah, I did, Brian. What the fuck. BRIAN: This is what happens when you leave. DANI: How many questions did y'all get through? BRIAN: 15. DANI: Wow. BRIAN: People were saying that we got through, like, four questions. We got through more questions last week than we normally do on the show. However... we goofed around a lot, and it was quite fun. LIAM: Put the question back up, there's so much there! I need it, I need it! Thank you. There's so much here that I-- a lot is changing for him. Or has changed and is still changing. BRIAN: Hmm. LIAM: He's very reactive in a lot of ways. It's like whatever is laid out in front of him in the moment that matters to him, or that he can take advantage of, or that he cares about. I don't know. What has just spilled out onto the table is going to be a real egg scramble for him, I think, because a fucking Betrayer God coming back is so much more important than his bullshit. And I don't know that it's going to make him let go of that stuff completely, or at all. Or just a little. But if the Betrayer God is trying to come back, a Betrayer God is trying to come back and just shit on existence, then all the stuff that he's been chasing really, even for him and his traumatized, fucked-up person that he is, he has to re-evaluate. He has to. And I don't think he'll ever let go of it, and like someone who is an addict, who still, every once in a while, has a weak day, and is like, "I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. "Fuck." You know, and slips. I don't think that's, I don't know that he's passed it. BRIAN: Hold on. This character, to me, and you don't have to comment on this, I'm just going to flatter you for a second, but to me, this character is a very interesting lesson in a clinic in self-forgiveness, right? And the second part of that is, because to me, I'm watching Caleb's journey, and I want him to become more powerful, and I want him to do all these things, but at the end of the day, I don't give a shit, I want him to forgive himself, because at the end of the day, after all the creatures, and after all the monsters, and after all the stuff is done, it's not going to change his opinion of himself, right? And the other thing is is, people, is you can get addicted to grief. LIAM: Mm-hmm. BRIAN: And stay in that space, and choose to stay in that headspace, right? And we are watching what that does to a person and the internal-- and this is just, this just shows how great of an actor he is and how great of a role player he is, and how great of a character maker you are, because you think in layers like this, and I think those two themes with Caleb to me are the two that really stick out, is the self-forgiveness, and then being sort of having an attachment to the grief. And the reason why he has the attachment to the grief is because, that's the only emotional thing that he can still have connected to the family! Mourning, staying in a consistent-- Sorry, I'm going fucking nuts on this shit. MATT: Dude, go it! Go, run! LIAM: These are things that I've been thinking about for months and months and months. And you know, I honestly, I think that the loose goal for this was to see what happens, and I don't know the answer. I legitimately don't know the answer. I don't have a spot in mind where I'm thinking I'm going to try to stick the landing and get this perfect ending, where he's completely absolved himself and has forgiven himself, and it's the best life that he could be and is the principal of Hogwarts, or whatever. I have no idea, and it's kind of scary, and thrilling, and what we love about this game is not knowing, and I'm really curious to see where he ends up. BRIAN: What I like too, let me say one more thing, is that you're not, you're not railroading your own character, and in my sort of newly-DM mind, you know, you think about people who just go like, "Nope, this is my guy, this is the story "I've picked out for him, it's not going to change." You're letting what's happening and you're letting the other players, and what they say to you affect you and change you and go, this guy, he's malleable to me, you know, I fucking love that, man! It's cool to see. LIAM: Yeah, and I had some ideas of what he would be like, and really, the other players at the table have kind of went, (slapping) and it's also fun to get knocked around in different directions. BRIAN: Yeah. MATT: That's the beauty of role playing. LIAM: We're informing each other's characters. MATT: Yeah. BRIAN: Absolutely. MATT: Just like people inform us and who we end up becoming. I don't know. It's beautiful. LIAM: Yes, it is. MATT: I love it. LIAM: Aww, my goodness. MATT: Oh! LIAM: Oh my goodness. BRIAN: Suchamantis? MATT: Such a mantis. BRIAN: Suchamantis, AKA MK Frisby. Let's take a look. MATT: Aww! DANI: Yes! MATT: That's awesome! DANI: Yes! MATT: I love the post-effects on it, too. LIAM: Yeah. There have been a few that they've put up recently. BRIAN: That's pretty awesome. LIAM: Yeah. DANI: They also have a really good video of you doing the Wall of Fire. LIAM: Of that cosplayer doing the Wall of Fire, yes. MATT: That's cool. LIAM: One critter's the cosplayer, and another critter did all the post-effects. DANI: That's @Lieutenant_Jack. MATT: Nice! LIAM: You guys fucking killed it. BRIAN: AKA Bane, loved him in the movie with that-- LIAM: (Bane voice) Yes. That's Cosplay of the Week! (laughter) BRIAN: Say you think the darkness is your ally. LIAM: (Bane voice) You think the darkness is your ally? BRIAN: Yes! LIAM: I've petted the good boy named Henry. Bonded with him. Ruffled his ears. You don't know Henry. MATT: I think we're finally back to those being funny again. It took a while. It took a long while. DANI: Disagreed. That never went away for me. LIAM: Ahem. (Bane voice) It's been a while. DANI: Liam's just so good! LIAM: It's just a cup! (chill music) TRAVIS (V.O.): Last time on Yee-Haw Game Ranch. TRAVIS: You're not Brian! What kind of black magic is this? Where's my friend? Where's that fucking cat? Tina! Tina! LIAM: "Oh, shut your yap, you giant walking thug! "Woo hoo hoo!" TRAVIS: Well, well, who is that? LIAM: "It's me, your old adventuring friend, "Minnesota Jones!" LAURA: Oh hey, Minnesota Jones! How you been? LIAM: "Darling! "You made it." TRAVIS: You guys know each other? LIAM: "(laughs) Of course we know each other! "Who doesn't know the greatest realm walker "in all the gameverse!" LAURA: I'm kind of famous. LIAM: "The grand titan of Ove! "The mother of all critters!" TRAVIS: The mother? LIAM: "Ms. Laura 'Give Me the Fucking Harps' Bailey!" TRAVIS: The mother of-- yeah, of course. Of course. LIAM: "I'm siphoning energy off the game soul "that you been charging, "but it wasn't enough to port us all! "Looks like I only sent the thin-lipped freak "through the astral tunnel, "your screams gave this baby a lot of juice last time, "but now we need something stronger than fear. "True love! "You know, with him or anyone you fancy." LAURA: Whatever you need, Minnesota Jones! TRAVIS: What? LAURA: What are we playing today? TRAVIS: I will cut you. LIAM: "Overcooked 2! "This game is known for bringing people together in harmony." LAURA: Oh good! LIAM: "It's just that we need to get this baby cooking." TRAVIS: Minnesota Jones just suggested that you should find love with maybe someone else. LAURA: That's crazy. TRAVIS: I'mma track him down. LAURA: He needs to pay. TRAVIS: Yeah, I need that glove. LAURA: You don't-- TRAVIS: That's the ceiling! (laughter) TRAVIS: Have some rice, bitches! (laughs) LAURA: There's, oh god. Why are we so bad? TRAVIS: I don't know, it's hard! LAURA: Three orders failed! We only had four! TRAVIS: (laughs) TRAVIS: Three of the four were wrong? LAURA: If we're this bad-- TRAVIS: That's pretty bad. LAURA: -- at management, maybe, our poor child. TRAVIS: Hey, nothing's caught fire yet. LAURA: It's burning, it's burning, it's burning! This is great. Oh, your fucking oil is on fire. TRAVIS: Well. LAURA: There's a fire extinguisher-- (laughs) Oh god, your whole kitchen! TRAVIS: I got it, I got it! LAURA: Go into the corner! Oh my god. TRAVIS: (screams) Gotta throw, you've got to throw something in your mouth but do it from right here. On the count of three. One, two, three. Did you get it? LAURA: No. TRAVIS: I did. Ready? LAURA: One-- TRAVIS: Two-- BOTH: Three. TRAVIS: Did you get it? LAURA: No! (laughs) TRAVIS: I did. Come on, it's two-zero. LAURA: One, two, three. (gasps) TRAVIS: You finally got one? LAURA: I did, I never get them! TRAVIS: That's amazing! LAURA: BB! LAURA: I'm just going to wash some dishes. I'm so sick of your shit! TRAVIS: I'll take care of everything. LAURA: Go, go, go! And then I'll do this one. TRAVIS: Yeah, put it up there. Order up! Order up, I got it! LAURA: Oh my god! TRAVIS: Wow, you son of a bitch! LAURA: This is-- TRAVIS: This is where, aw! Damn it! (laughs) Fuck! (laughs) I can't grab anything! I wanna grab it! Fire! (laughs) Shit! LAURA: What-- TRAVIS: Fucking-- LAURA: What are you doing? TRAVIS: Bitch! (laughter) TRAVIS: Where-- (laughs) Where is the damn, give me the turkey nuggets! LAURA: Order up, order up, order up. (laughter) TRAVIS: I'm coming! I already appeared! LAURA: Oh! TRAVIS: We reappeared! The gods are merciful! This is fucking terrible. Cheeto and carrot. LAURA: Oh, and carrot? A cheeto and a carrot. TRAVIS: Aren't they called carrots? Candy corn? What are these? Oh, they're corn. (wheezing laughter) TRAVIS: Oh shit. (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh no! (laughter) LAURA: That is so weird. That is so weird! Oh shit! TRAVIS: We're not-- I choked! (laughs) I saw a carrot! (somber Western theme) (upbeat jazzy music) WILL: Hey, everyone! The insanely talented Will Friedle here. I'm excited to announce that I have a new late night talk show coming to the Critical Role YouTube channel on Wednesdays called Mini Primetime. It's brought to you by the same creators as that one show with the hippie kid with the bracelets. Whatever that is. Anyway. My show, Mini Primetime, is a mini-painting show for beginners and veterans alike, where this handsome face teaches the Critical Role cast how to paint their own Mighty Nein minis. We're going to be focusing on specific techniques like fades, small detail work, and taking your mini to the next level by adding your base. So look for it soon on Critical Role's YouTube. Critical Role, what is that? What is even a critical role? Oh, that's right. That was the show with Kash. (upbeat jazzy music) LIAM: Subscribe. Or don't subscribe. Hmm. That's not a question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to ponder the pros and more pros of Twitch or Twitch Prime. Or to take hands and gift new subs to Critters who find they can't afford them. To play, to sleep, no more. And by asleep to say the cast and crew of Crit'cal Role might find their naps around the hectic schedule of a live broadcast, that we have brought for your consumption, both Critter and fan alike. To play, or sleep. No sleep, but just to stream. Aye, there's the rub. For with your subscription, what streams may come. Oh man, oh man, oh man, that is a fucking tag line. Do we got that? Oh! That is Twitch poetry. (grunts) Oh, anyway. Subscribe to Critical Role. Use Twitch Prime to subscribe. Gift some subscriptions. You've got it. Hmm. Wrong soliloquy for the skull, but that's fucking good. (classical music) (dramatic music)

Part II
MATT: Welcome back. So before we jump into-- they're different movies. We're debating Hereditary versus Midsommar. Anyway. Welcome back. We have our winner of our fantastic Wyrmwood giveaway! Congratulations to McComicker. McComicker, congratulations. McComicker, we'll have this sent to you ASAP, well done. All righty! Give you that, done.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Wow!

TALIESIN: That was almost terrible.

MATT: That was so on brand.

TRAVIS: Please slow it down and make it GIF-able.

MATT: That was so on brand.

TRAVIS: I need it immediately!

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: That was so on brand.

TRAVIS: That was the anti-Foster card throw.

TALIESIN: We had to cut the feed, come back next week with an eye patch.

TRAVIS: First of all, are you okay?

MATT: I'm fine.

TRAVIS: No paper cut? Okay.

MATT: Not physically. Emotionally? Deeply. I can always count on the universe to humble me. Every waking moment of every day. So.

TRAVIS: Mustache last week, or this week.

MATT: Yeah. Last we left off, you guys have all rushed into the center of the deck-built, temporary teleportation circle that Caleb had created on your ship. As you step through, the warm sea air and the sun coming down upon you, is immediately replaced with the cold, shaded interior of the basement of the Valley Archive of the Cobalt Soul. There, waiting for you on the opposite side, because you gave them some heads up, there is a standard cleric of Ioun there, flanked by Zeenoth, Archivist Zeenoth there, still looking bandaged and recovering. Far better than you last saw him, but is still wrapped in, leaning against the wall a bit. But as you all arrive, (whooshing) one after the next, he goes, "Welcome, hello. So you've arrived, we've met you here. How can we be of service to you?"

MARISHA: Well, I guess we're just passing through at the moment. But we're going to go visit a newfound friend at the Halls of Erudition.

MATT: "Of course, by all means. By the way, I do apologize for how things have progressed, with your previous visit here."

SAM: Yes, you should be the one to apologize, definitely.

MATT: "Dairon has returned, and notified us of what you've all managed to accomplish in recent months, and--" looks over to the other monk, like, "Oh!" And takes a small, folded package of some kind that's wrapped in twine, in a cross pattern and steps forward and hands it to you. Says, "These raiments of the Expositor are yours now."

MARISHA: Ah, yes, I was expecting these, thank you.

TRAVIS: (whispering) Act cool, act cool.

MATT: "Yes?"

MARISHA: I apologize.

ALL: Whoa!

(laughter)

MARISHA: Came through a bit in a hurry and very headstrong the last time, and could've probably explained the situation better.

MATT: "Well, I... appreciate your candor and accept it."

LIAM: That shockwave hit Tal'Dorei.

(laughter)

MATT: "So welcome to the formal ranks of the Cobalt Soul, I should say. It's been a privilege to watch you ascend as you have. I've notified Dairon of your arrival, and before you head off to the Hall or wherever else you're going, I believe they would like a word with you, if you don't mind."

LAURA: Just Beau?

MATT: "All of you, if you wish to be so."

TALIESIN: Even better.

LAURA: Or if you want to--

TALIESIN: It's up to you.

MARISHA: No, no.

LAURA: Cool, cool, cool.

MATT: "It's your prerogative, but they're upstairs. Come, come. I'll lead you up."

LAURA: So are we allowed to go to Port Damali now, too, and Rexxentrum?

MATT: "All of that has been suspended and abolished. You have free rein of the Archives."

TRAVIS: As it should be.

MARISHA: Thank you, yes. Thank you.

TALIESIN: Are you going to go apologize some more? Because that was awesome.

MARISHA: Those are sparing.

TALIESIN: I understand.

MARISHA: Caduceus, you know.

TALIESIN: I apologize.

MARISHA: Pick and choose my apologies.

TALIESIN: I give mine freely.

LIAM: And I'm sorry, Beauregard's and our access to the stacks has been reestablished as well, correct?

MATT: "Yes. If there's any further research you would like to make, that is at your disposal."

LIAM: Wunderbar.

MATT: "Well, it is within her disposal. She can accompany you."

MARISHA: You have to report to me first, so, you know, make sure you go through the proper chain of command, okay?

LIAM: I'm comfortable with that.

SAM: Have our unlimited drinking privileges been restored as well around town?

MATT: "That-- no. That's not a thing."

SAM: See to it!

MATT: "I cannot; that is not within my prerogative."

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: "You would have to speak to the High-Richter, or really anybody who's involved with the actual goings on of the city. I predominantly deal with the Archive itself. My apologies."

SAM: All right.

MATT: "Nott, correct?"

SAM: Yes.

MATT: "Right, all right, I'll remember that. Very good. This way. Follow me," and he leads you up the stairs.

TRAVIS: Hurt?

LAURA: Yeah, from before.

MARISHA: From the attack. It's been a few weeks, I know, that's what I was thinking.

TRAVIS: Shake it off.

MARISHA: Come on, man. What's up?

TRAVIS: Kidding, kidding, I know it was a slaughter.

MARISHA: We'll ask him about it when we get upstairs.

MATT: He was nearly killed! Torn apart.

MARISHA: When we go upstairs, maybe we can help him out a little bit.

LAURA: Yeah, totally! I'm willing to give him some healing, but I'm just surprised that nobody else has by now.

MARISHA: I know, me too. I was like, oh, I don't, you know--

TALIESIN: I think it was far enough that it's still shaking off.

MATT: You guys, he's not bleeding through or covered in bandages, but he has, you know, he's still holding himself in a sore way.

TRAVIS: Pokey, poke.

MATT: He's not an adventurer, he's not used to this type of hard lifestyle that you guys progressively throw yourselves into. And banned.

(laughter)

MATT: As you're led back into the main chamber of the Archive, you step out into the familiar marbled halls, the high libraries, the shelves, swarming you from all sides with the open windows and the somewhat arching glass dome atop of you that has all sorts of stained glass imagery and symbols poured through, along with clear sunlight that seems to break through. It is a sunnier day than Zadash was last time you came through. There, as you're stepping into the main chamber, heading towards the entrance and/or exit of the Archive, their arms crossed in the familiar raiments, you see Dairon, not in the dark elf guise of which you had been dealing with her for quite some time in Xhorhas, but in her original elven form. "So. Welcome."

MARISHA: Glad to see you made it back.

MATT: "Glad to see you did as well. All of you. It was a bit of a mess for me to untangle when I arrived, you were not joking when you said you had left a bit of a, how do you say--?"

TRAVIS: Stink?

MATT: "Stink works, yes."

MARISHA: Sorry, sorry.

MATT: "It's all right, just be a little more careful now that you have some--"

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: "You know. Authority around here. Others, younger ones, and those who come in, like you once were, as recruits will be looking up to you. That is a responsibility you hold as well."

MARISHA: Um.

MATT: "I don't hold you as any major example, but just be aware, there will be other Beauregards that will come in here acting as you once did. And then you'll have to show them the ropes."

MARISHA: Okay, yeah. I hear you.

TRAVIS: No one will get more detentions than you, you'll hold the record forever, it's okay.

MARISHA: You have no idea.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: "So I've taken the information we last spoke about, and I have only told a few trusted individuals about this supposed Kryn traitor, the one responsible for this Beacon being passed into the Empire. I am keeping it close to my chest for now, as currently the struggles seem to grow. There with the recent attack on Hupperdook and the, for the time being, reclamation of the Ashguard Garrison, we are awaiting some sort of retribution from the Kryn, or the next use of this momentum further into Xhorhasian territory from the King. I, myself, am so far removed from that, and have only just arrived here not but a few days before. I'm still taking stock of what is going on and figuring out what is the best course of action."

LAURA: (whispering) Do you want to tell? Do you want to tell Dairon about--?

MATT: "I am thinking possibly of, if I can pull some strings by passing much of the bureaucracy and requesting an audience, if not myself, maybe a few of us with King Dwendal."

LAURA: Whoa!

MATT: "In his council to inform them of this Kryn plot with the Beacon."

LAURA: Whoa!

MATT: "Internal corruption that we've been able to suss out here and there, in which case if there's anything you've heard in that regard, please do let me know. I'm not entirely certain I can get it arranged; it may take weeks."

TRAVIS: Have we shared what we know, possibly, about King Dwendal and the audience he keeps?

MARISHA: I don't think so.

LAURA: Hey, Fjord? Can you tell if we're being scryed on right now?

SAM: You mean like invisible thing or--

LAURA: Yeah, isn't that--

TRAVIS: You're right. I haven't looked in a while. Dairon? Please don't be alarmed. And I summon the broadsword.

MATT: (whooshing)

TRAVIS: And I will cast See Invisibility.

MATT: Okay. You go ahead and cast the spell, your eyes focus, you can see the interesting, almost ultraviolet, extra spectrum of light that overlays that which you grew up with and become accustomed to. Kind of filters through the chamber. Make a perception check.

(die rolls)

TRAVIS: 15.

MATT: 15. You take a moment to scan. Nothing seems to catch your eye.

TRAVIS: We seem to be fine.

MARISHA: Dairon, a lot has happened since last we spoke. We've gained a lot of new information.

MATT: "Please tell me."

MARISHA: It seems a lot of our leads towards the devices that were opening portals towards the Abyss--

MATT: "Right."

MARISHA: Everything leaning towards the Chained Oblivion and the Angel of Irons is starting to culminate and come into focus. I don't know. I think it's still to be said King Dwendal's knowledge or involvement in this entire situation. But it seems a plot for some sort of new rise of Tharizdun, he's imminent.

LAURA: There's no Angel of Irons!

MARISHA: He was a guise.

SAM: And we know that someone in King Dwendal's immediate vicinity is part of that plot.

MATT: "King Dwendal? Who is this?"

MARISHA: His name is Vence. Nuthaleus. He's an Annex to Ludinus.

MATT: "I know of him, but he is, he's not of the Council directly--"

MARISHA: You're right, he is, yeah.

MATT: "He is the associate, assistant, if you were to Ludinus Da'leth, the Martinet."

MARISHA: We know that, through scrying means with Jester's talents, that he's had some sort of association with King Dwendal. I mean, it mainly seems like some sort of war front approach with sending the mages out, but we scryed on him and they were--

TALIESIN: It seems that there's a third party that is pushing both sides towards each other.

MATT: "Where is he now, do you know?"

MARISHA: Vence? No.

SAM: Maybe. Do you want to scry on Blondie? Should we, should we?

LAURA: Want me to?

TALIESIN: We've got another--

SAM: Sorry, we have some old fish and chips that we've been eating.

LAURA: Just some chips.

TALIESIN: They're just so crunchy now.

TRAVIS: It might be pertinent to what we--

TALIESIN: Do we do it now or--? We have another meeting. Do we, when do we-- Well, I suppose we have more than one scrying spell. Well, if you scry on someone once, when can you do it again?

SAM: I mean, if we need to know where he is, let's find out.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Let's try it.

LAURA: Let me make sure that I've prepared it.

TALIESIN: (whispers) Oh man.

LAURA: I didn't.

SAM: Crunchy table tonight.

LAURA: I didn't prepare scrying today.

SAM: What?! (laughs) You use it literally every day!

LAURA: Well, not on days I don't prepare it.

TRAVIS: What did you prepare today?

SAM: It's all healing spells, what?!

LAURA: Wait a minute.

TALIESIN: Purify Food and Drink.

TRAVIS: Oh my god!

MATT: As a note, if a creature succeeds a saving throw, it cannot be scryed on for 24 hours. If it fails a saving throw, you can keep scrying until they succeeds essentially.

TRAVIS: Did you prepare it?

LAURA: No. No, I prepared Insect Plague.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I knew it.

LAURA: And Modify-- I have Modify Memory.

TRAVIS: Unleash your abilities!

LIAM: Not the bees!

TRAVIS: Show them what you've got!

LAURA: And Commune, I have Commune.

TALIESIN: Ah, Commune.

LAURA: That's a good one to have today.

LIAM: Perhaps we could complete our current business here in Zadash and tomorrow--

SAM: Sure!

LIAM: -- you'll be better prepared.

LAURA: I could, you know, I could just ask the Traveler if he knows where exactly.

SAM: It's not an immediate pressing concern, I suppose, let's just go talk to our person.

LAURA: Mmkay.

MATT: "Well, if what you're saying is true and this is somehow tied in with Tharizdun, that is definitely worrying, but we need more concrete evidence of this, though. Word is not enough to take it to the King."

SAM: Well, we'll find some evidence, then.

LAURA: Allura Vysoren is letting Tal'Dorei know about it. She was there when we found out.

MATT: "This goes as far as Tal'Dorei?"

LAURA: Well, yeah, she's on the Council or something.

SAM: Do you happen to know any other members of the Council of Tal'Dorei, by the way?

MATT: "I have not traveled there, unfortunately."

TRAVIS: It's unfortunate.

LAURA: Maybe King Dwendal will know.

SAM: In your meeting with King Dwendal, could you ask him?

(laughter)

MATT: "If it is pertinent, maybe."

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: Just everyone we see for an hour.

(laughter)

LAURA: So far we know two.

TALIESIN: Who do you know?

TRAVIS: It seems this plot, in all of its connections, span outside the continent of just our own. It's quite larger than we're able to fathom, actually.

MARISHA: And with each hole, with each opening and, from this realm to the Abyss, the realms get weaker and closer together. The divide between them.

LAURA: It's like termite damage, you know? And then eventually a house will fall.

MARISHA: Yep. If you crack the foundation, (snaps fingers) bad news.

MATT: "Hmm, well, if there's anything you wish to look up or research here, the Archive is at your disposal, otherwise gather your, whatever allies you have, and try and get what information you can before we move forward. I will see if I can muster some sort of an audience, but I do not know how long it will take."

SAM: Where are you staying, where do you stay here?

MATT: "Here."

SAM: Oh.

MATT: "You have a chamber here now as well."

MARISHA: Wait, I'm not in a bunk, like, shoved in the corner of a wall anymore?

MATT: "You're an Expositor, you have your own ways here."

TRAVIS: Oh shit! They give you furniture, too?

MARISHA: What do I got, what do I got? Show me, show me my room.

SAM: Is it en suite bathroom?

MARISHA: No, it's a monastery.

TALIESIN: You had a monk bunk.

(laughter)

MATT: "I am not to show you this, Zeenoth can take you on the journey."

MARISHA: Are you all right, by the way?

MATT: "I'm all right. I'm-- I'm thankful to have made it back in one piece, and strangely consolidating my prejudice against the Kryn."

MARISHA: Yeah, you came in real hot, like, that first night that we talked about it. I was actually planning on eventually talking to you about it, if it didn't improve, but you kind of, you know, you started come around on your own.

MATT: "More or less, yes. This world is complicated, and it's easy to be blinded by hate and vengeance. But everything is as we are told, I suppose. So. I apologize if I made you uncomfortable."

MARISHA: Nah. It's hard to make me uncomfortable. Real hard.

MATT: "It's true. And they do it enough for you, anyway."

TRAVIS: (fart sound) Beau! Terrible!

MARISHA: Heh.

TRAVIS: You're an Expositor now.

MATT: "I have to go."

TRAVIS: Oh, just walk away.

MATT: "On that note, I'm going to go ahead and see what connections I cane make towards the crown. Good luck."

SAM and LAURA: Thank you!

MATT: Dairon exits the Archive. Zeenoth leads you to your chamber, which is actually up on, there's a series of spiral staircases leading to different levels within the main chamber of the Archive. There is the third floor that goes to the back, and which you do know, you've walked around there before, but there was this large loop, it's like a long semi-circle hallway that bends around the back about two and a half, three stories up. In there, there are multiple, multiple chambers in there where a lot of the higher-up members of the Archive exist. You are given a room that has a very nice bed, it's maybe, I'd say, 1,000 square feet for a singular chamber.

SAM: The bed!

MATT: Window, it's a very, very nice chamber, much better than the shitty bunk that you had known and trained in.

MARISHA: I'm international, bitches!

SAM: Can we all sleep here?

LAURA: I go jump on the bed.

MATT: You all could sleep here, but there is only one bed. There is a chamber at your disposal. So you do not have to pay for a place to crash, if you'd like. So. The furniture is minimal, it looks like they haven't finished furnishing it yet. You had only just recently been given your position and these things, so it's a relatively bland chamber. You don't know if more furniture or furnishing is coming, or if they're expecting you to helm that, but it, the chamber is--

MARISHA: Maybe we can go shopping. Get a Murphy bed or something.

LAURA: Ooh, that'd be cool! Then you could turn this into a living room, and then--

MARISHA: Into a pull-out situation.

LAURA: Yeah. Beau, you never told us what a big deal being an Expositor is! (laughter) I'm jumping.

MARISHA: I noticed! (laughs) I guess I--

TRAVIS: That's the most Ronin jump.

(laughter)

MARISHA: I don't know, I guess I didn't honestly know.

LAURA: What does your new outfit look like?

MARISHA: (gasps) I pull it out.

MATT: Similar to the previous raiments that you've worn, but they are far more detailed. The elements in the front, it has almost a more formal and brocade version of a Sub-Zero type outfit, has the V that comes up over the shoulders, but it curls over with this beautiful, the word escapes me.

LIAM: Massive shoulder pads.

MATT: Yeah, the trim on the side.

TRAVIS: Cuff that like--

MATT: Yeah, it curls off the side there. It's just, that goes over whatever else you're wearing. It's just a symbol of your status, not an entire outfit.

LAURA: It covers up your abs, though?

MARISHA: I slip it on.

MATT: Okay. It actually comes pretty low, and you can actually, the abs in the bottom--

LAURA: Tight, tight, tight.

TALIESIN: Librarian abs.

MATT: It's not too bulky, and it fits over the outfit you currently have.

MARISHA: Take off my blue belts.

MATT: Mmkay.

SAM: Your pants fall off.

(laughter)

MARISHA: No!

LAURA: They're very tight pants.

MARISHA: Should I keep this? This was, like, the-- this was like the starter colors of the uniform.

LIAM: Yes, you should keep it.

LAURA: Yeah, it's important!

LIAM: It's important to know where you came from.

TRAVIS: Maybe you'll hand it off to someone else one day.

TALIESIN: So they can keep their pants up.

MARISHA: Yeah. Belts are important.

TRAVIS: For god's sake, pick your pants up off the floor.

TALIESIN: Really uncomfortable.

(laughter)

SAM: You should tie a knot in that belt, though. Because you're done with it. It's what they do in karate, anyway.

MARISHA: Is that what they do?

SAM and TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

SAM: Karate.

MARISHA: And I drape it over my bedpost.

LAURA: Cool, cool, cool.

MARISHA: And take out the, it's like a gray, right? It's like a gray belt? Wrap it around.

SAM: When do you get a black belt?

MARISHA: Well, I mean.

MATT: It doesn't work like that.

(laughter)

SAM: That's it? There's no black belt?

TRAVIS: High-Richter, here we come.

MARISHA: It's like--

TRAVIS: One step at a time. Talking over.

MARISHA: No, it's more of an identifier of what your role is in the monastery. So the Librarians have a different color, and the Expositors have a different color, but the, you know.

SAM: Cool.

MARISHA: Oh yeah, sorry.

TRAVIS: So Expositor, where are we off to next?

MARISHA: Hmm. To the Halls of Erudition?

TRAVIS: Seems that way.

MARISHA: Do we need to do any more research before we leave?

TRAVIS: I have a quick question for Caleb, actually, if you don't mind. Just because we are in your old territory, your old hood, if we should be so unfortunate as to come across any of those Trent Ikithon types, are there any identifying features, clothing, garb, things that we should watch out for, things that you might be able to know are them in a low-key, or hiding, or stealth position?

LIAM: Well. When I was training, we wore very, very simple, poor garb. But I don't think that would be the case now. You could try to keep an eye on maybe their arms if they're exposed, and if you see anything similar to this, I can't think elsewise. I don't think that I should go with you.

TRAVIS: At all?

MARISHA: Really?

LIAM: I did not study here, I studied in Rexxentrum, which is where I'm from, outside of Rexxentrum. But the Assembly are a tightly knit group, and despite Yussa's fondness for this gentleman, I have no assurances of his allegiance to the rest.

LAURA: And you think they would see through a magical disguise or something?

TALIESIN: Oh yes.

LAURA: Well, what if we used a practical disguise?

TALIESIN: Or, and-- obviously we will honor whatever your decision is, it might be useful to gauge his reaction to you, if that makes sense. I know that's a risk. But we'll learn a lot by having you in that room. But either way, either thought has merit.

MARISHA: Caduceus does have an interesting point.

LIAM: What if he does not react, and keeps his true feelings hidden?

TALIESIN: Well, then we were already in trouble.

TRAVIS: And we would be without one very powerful member of the group.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: It would be a clear disadvantage.

LAURA: Caduceus is really good at reading people.

TALIESIN: Pretty good.

MARISHA: And you're really good at talking to these mage types.

LAURA: Can you talk without an accent? You know, like a normal voice, like mine or something?

SAM: Yeah, a normal voice.

LIAM: What do you mean? I speak in a normal voice.

SAM: No, but not the weird way that you talk, the normal way.

LIAM: Who do you want me to talk like?

SAM: Normal?

LAURA: You know, like Nott or like me, something very normal.

SAM: (stilted) Someone from Nicodranas.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Fjord, he could do your accent that you used to do!

LIAM: (stilted) Why would I do that, though?

LAURA: So that they won't know it's you.

LIAM: (stilted) I just don't feel as smooth--

MARISHA: Jester, this is, do you see what now--

TRAVIS: Way more obvious.

MARISHA: This is awful.

TRAVIS: Big problems.

MARISHA: This is bad.

TALIESIN: Wait, wait, I want to hear, do Fjord's old accent.

LIAM: Oh, I thought I had already started.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Wow, real-- Fjord, are you okay? What's happening?

LIAM: (stilted) Summon barlgura!

LAURA: Yeah, that's really good.

LIAM: Bolz-gu-ra.

MARISHA: It's not--

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

MARISHA: It's not good.

SAM: How are you leading it? Are you thinking of-- Are you thinking of coming along with--

TALIESIN: Fjord, your old accent's very weird. (laughter) I've forgotten how weird that accent is. Wow.

LAURA: I can give you a disguise, like a, I can dye your hair. I could, like, put some eyeliner on you.

SAM: She could tattoo your face.

LAURA: I could tattoo your face.

TALIESIN: Either way--

SAM: What do you think, coming or no?

TALIESIN: -- is fine, but it's worth considering.

LIAM: No, to me everything says no.

SAM: All right.

TALIESIN: Okay.

SAM: Well, why don't you stay outside? I could always message you, if--

MARISHA: We could take your cat. He loves cats.

SAM: Oh, that's right!

TALIESIN: We can take the cat--

SAM: We could take the cat!

MARISHA: And things like Sprinkle.

LAURA: Sprinkle. We could turn you into an animal! And then, you could spy on him! What if we were like: Oh my god, here's our little Sprinkle, and--

SAM: A chimpanzee.

LAURA: No, what if they were friends, and just two weasels, and then, you know, we go: Oh, you like Sprinkle so much, here, take Cupcake! And then he takes Cupcake, and then you're with him and then you could spy on him when he's in his bedroom.

TALIESIN: Or you can just go read and we'll have a cat with us. You can pop in if you need.

LIAM: May I have permission to use the Archives here, Expositor Lionett?

MARISHA: Let me think about it. Yeah, yeah, I think you're all right.

TRAVIS: That's a fast review process.

MARISHA: I had to think about it. My brain operates very quickly.

TALIESIN: Expedited Expositor. I've got a bunch of them coming up right now, that's really good.

SAM: Oh boy!

TALIESIN: I've been working on it.

LIAM: No, I'm going to look up a few things.

MATT: Is there anything specifically you guys need to research while you're here, to look up?

LIAM: Tharizdun.

MATT: Okay. Specifically?

MARISHA: There's all those books that I was rambling off of that. I recommend him a few books that I know of first.

MATT: Like what are you looking for, are you looking for, based on the earlier questions that were brought up? Is there anything specific that you're looking for? Like--

LIAM: Well.

MATT: What holds him in the Abyss? What his essence is? What are you looking up?

TALIESIN: Where did it happen?

LIAM: What it wants, what it's seemed to want, what its motives were, how, is there a way to find it?

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Where did it get bound?

TRAVIS: What are the chains?

TALIESIN: Who did it?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LIAM: Actually, is there a bathroom that I could use really quick? Is there a bathroom here that I could use?

MATT: They do have a number of chamber pots available, yeah.

SAM: Do you need to drop a Caduceus?

TALIESIN: Ooh, that's good!

LIAM: I excuse myself quickly and cast Fortune's Favor onto myself, out of view of anyone. And then return.

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: Yeah. Investigation check, you said?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Guidance.

TALIESIN: I don't think we're there.

LAURA: No, but did we already leave?

MATT: Well, unless you've left, you're all in there. If there's anything you guys want to look up, you can, too.

LIAM: That's a 25.

MATT: 25. Okay. As far as the essence of Tharizdun, the scribes who got close enough to record what they believed the closest there is to its intent were driven mad. So it speaks a lot of endless growth, devouring. It's not a god, it is a world. It speaks of it being endless, black, inky, filled with teeth and malice, laughter, hatred. It just goes into all these esoteric descriptions of something that isn't a form. All the other Betrayer Gods, all the other entities in the pantheon that have different interpretations of how they're depicted in artwork and tapestries and tomes, every single record of Tharizdun seems amorphous and without physical manifestation, beyond just the actual symbol, which is the seven chains and then the black, swirling void amongst them, which is the unified symbol that has long been held by those that openly worship or in ancient temples and such that were built to it. As far as what the intent is, the best that it can be ascertained is to consume and destroy, to eventually, to bask over and devour all that is, Exandria and beyond, and who knows for what purpose and what there is after that, if there is a plan after that. It is said that those who have come to truly understand never came back.

LIAM: Is there any record or theorizing on how or why it was able to be, I know that the-- it's that Beauregard has imparted to us, but how or why it was able to be overcome?

MATT: When it first arrived in the Founding, what little bits of information were kept and guarded within Vasselheim, spoke of, it was never here. It began to spill through, drawn by either the arrival of the divine, the creation of life, the imbuing of magic into the world, something drew it from wherever it came, and it began to spill through. And while it was still incomplete in that transition, it was originally banished. Then during the Calamity, something drew it out once more, unseated it from that banished plane, and began to spill through once more, and grew and grew. It was through the fast work and the unified power of a number of the Prime Deities, that they were able to seal it away. And because you rolled so high in your research, it is said that there are numerous shackles. Six in total that hold Tharizdun within the Abyss. The locations of each shackle fane are closely guarded secrets within the highest clergy of the Dawnfather and Knowing Mentor.

TRAVIS: You say vein or fane?

MATT: Fane. F-A-N-E, which is a place of power, of worship. Like a temple. It is feared that the nature of Tharizdun, being not entirely like the other divinity could shatter the Divine Gate itself if unleashed. And no one knows how few shackles must remain to keep it at bay. And this is what you pulled together from bits and pieces of scrolls that have been copied over from what is, most of the things you read here are hand copied from what currently is guarded and held in Vasselheim, which is where most of the original remnants of that era's history are kept heavily under guard.

LIAM: I share it with Beauregard and with the rest of the group.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: But if everyone waited, that was the only thing that I was interested in researching here, so today.

SAM: Did that take hours for him to do? Because if so, we would have left.

MATT: I'd say, it probably took a couple hours to piece all that information together and to find the right books.

LIAM: That's what I thought, is that I would be here doing this while they went.

MATT: In the meantime, what would you guys like to do?

SAM: We'd like to go to the Halls of Erudition.

MATT: The Hall of Erudition.

MARISHA: Before we leave, though, I did want to get the-- sorry, I got a little jumbly on the timeline.

MATT: It's all good.

MARISHA: Is there anything that we should ask Oremid?

SAM: Hass.

MARISHA: Hass.

LIAM: Oremid Hass. Yeah. You could try to subtly ask what the Assembly is doing to ensure (sighs) the safety of the Empire, what they're-- I don't know, be subtle about it. But he is a headmaster, you know, he is not in the field so much. At least he wasn't, but--

TRAVIS: Did you just ask Beau to be subtle?

LIAM: Yeah, I did.

MARISHA: I'm fucking great at being subtle.

LAURA: She's getting really good at being subtle.

TALIESIN: Very okay.

MARISHA: Thanks, Caduceus. Thank you, Jester.

LIAM: Also, Fjord is a very good talker, so you know, feel free to share that burden.

LAURA: Me and Nott are really good talkers, too.

LIAM: Very.

LAURA: Super, super good.

LIAM: Lots of talking, yes.

SAM: Mm-hmm!

MARISHA and SAM: All right.

MARISHA: Good luck with your reading.

SAM: To the Hall!

MARISHA: Check out Old Gods and Us. It's a great read.

TALIESIN: We'll meet back up, want to meet back up at, a shopping trip afterwards?

MARISHA: It's very comprehensive, great for the answers.

TALIESIN: Makes sense. All right.

MATT: All right, are you guys taking Frumpkin with you? Or are you--

TALIESIN: We'd like to.

LIAM: I mean, you can, but it's not going to do what you suggested, because he'll be too far away, and I'll be reading.

TALIESIN: But an extra cuddly animal probably will go over well.

MARISHA: Will he just act like a cat, or will he be like--

LAURA: Weird and not moving.

MARISHA: Yeah, Frumpkin.

LIAM: He'll do what I ask him to do.

TRAVIS: 404.

MARISHA: (laughs) Not there!

LIAM: Be especially adorable, especially to Hass, and he looks like this. And I think of him. And then I hand--

MATT: "Meow!"

LIAM: -- him to you, because you are like--

MATT: "Meow!"

LIAM: Sandpaper.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: You now have cat hair on your new robe.

TRAVIS: Don't talk about cat hair.

LAURA: As we're walking over there--

MATT: Mm-hmm?

LAURA: Can I pull Fjord aside--

SAM: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

LAURA: Like, just to the back of the group? Go, just walk forward! (whispers) Fjord!

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: So, we're in Zadash.

TRAVIS: Yes.

LAURA: And The Gentleman is here.

TRAVIS: Right.

LAURA: And you know, he could be my dad.

TRAVIS: Right, yeah, of course.

LAURA: So I do want to go talk to him, but I know what we're doing is really important and I don't want to pull the group there. Do you think it's stupid of me to want to go while all this stuff is going on, or--

TRAVIS: No! No, of course not! I mean, this is, this is incredibly important to you, isn't it?

LAURA: Well, I mean, I've never met my dad, I mean, I did, I guess, but I didn't know that it was him, and I thought about him a lot when I was growing up, you know, so--

TRAVIS: That's a tremendous opportunity, Jester, you shouldn't just devalue it like that. Yes?

LAURA: Yeah. Yeah.

TRAVIS: Besides, didn't we say that we also thought maybe The Gentleman, your dad, might know some things?

LAURA: Yeah, I mean, he might. Should we all go as a group, you think?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Do you think everyone will want to do that?

TRAVIS: I think if you tell them how much it means to you, they will. I certainly do.

LAURA: Okay. But we don't need to go now, we'll go after we talk to this guy that we're talking to.

TRAVIS: But we've been here before. Let's make sure that we don't leave without doing that.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: All right.

LAURA: Thank you.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: While they talk, I talk with Nott. What do you think they're talking about?

(laughter)

SAM: Sexy stuff.

MARISHA: You think?

SAM: Yeah. I think, I'm a pretty good judge of this, I think Jester likes Fjord.

MARISHA: Yeah?

SAM: And I think he likes her back.

MARISHA: I'm curious. Maybe I should check in with Fjord. It's been a bit.

SAM: Yeah. Definitely.

MARISHA: Think she's confiding in him?

SAM: I mean, she confides in everybody. Just kind of says it, whatever she wants to say all the time.

(laughter)

MARISHA: It's an interesting point. (laughter) Hmm. Okay. Do you want to confide in me?

SAM: Sure! I'll tell you a secret if you tell me one.

MARISHA: Deal.

SAM: The flask has been empty this whole time.

MARISHA: What?

SAM: Nah, that's not true, I'm sorry. I'm just fucking with you. That would be cool though, wouldn't it?

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: I don't have much secrets that I haven't told you guys, actually.

MARISHA: That's okay, we'll do this game later.

SAM: Okay. I'll think-- you know what? Think about something.

MARISHA: I'll think about something.

SAM: And when you have something, come to me. I'll think about something, too.

MARISHA: Okay, yeah, because I-- it was nothing good. And now I went to my bad place, which was, immediately think of lies.

SAM: I don't want to hear any of that.

MARISHA: Oh god! Am I confiding in you now? Why do I lie all the time? What the fuck?

LAURA: (laughs)

MARISHA: Why was my first thought like, what could I say that's not true?

SAM: You thought-- your instinct was to lie to me, your friend?

MARISHA: Well no, it's just-- it's not you, I am getting-- I'm actually getting a little better at it, fuck. God, we're in the fucking public! Okay, look. I'm getting better at it, but--

SAM: At what? At lying?

MARISHA: No, just not feeling like I have to be something I'm... not.

SAM: Being honest? Be honest.

MARISHA: Being...

SAM: Yourself?

MARISHA: Yeah!

SAM: Boy.

MARISHA: I didn't just, this is--

SAM: How did we get here?

(laughter)

MARISHA: Holy shit!

SAM: Wow, I feel like I just had a breakthrough with you!

MARISHA: I'm a little-- I have a heart palpitation!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Can we make a therapy character class, by the way? Just as like, as a bard subclass?

SAM: What just happened?

MARISHA: I don't know! Why do I feel like I'm about to cry?

SAM: I mean--

MARISHA: I'm not going to cry--

SAM: Let it out! No, it's okay!

TRAVIS: I lean over to Jester and go: What do you think they're talking about?

(laughter)

TALIESIN: What's everybody doing?

(laughter)

MARISHA: I am sweating a lot.

SAM: What a walk!

MARISHA: God! My tattoo stings!

SAM: Yeah, that's what it is. It lets out all these toxins.

MARISHA: That's true. They're coming up.

SAM: All right, shut up.

MATT: You guys have passed through the arches into the Tri-Spires. The familiar--

LAURA: I like that Caduceus is in between just going--

TALIESIN: I was just watching all this!

(laughter)

MATT: And hearing all of it, because of his high fucking perception.

TRAVIS: Fucking hi-fi band radios.

TALIESIN: Everybody's so unhealthy.

TRAVIS: Catching it all.

(laughter)

LIAM: He's also just hears some random dude in the Soul go like, "I'm the worst monk! I'm so bad at my job!"

TALIESIN: Aw, buddy.

TRAVIS: They fucking rode through on horses, and now everything's cool?

LIAM: It's like Superman, he can never turn it off.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Passive, man. My passive perception. 19, passive perception's 19!

MATT: Passing through the familiar elements of the city, you enter the old Zadash Pious District, where the Tri-Spire is built upon. The familiar gardens of the aristocracy surrounding, you can already see the massive Gilded Willows neighborhood, as it presents to you there, you can see the Silken Terrace, the Pillow Trove, the familiar glean of the direction of Chastity's Nook, where such fine books can be acquired.

TRAVIS: Fuck, Pumat's here!

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: He's in the Pentamarket, you guys are in the Tri-Spires.

TRAVIS: That's what I'm saying, he's close to here.

TALIESIN: That's where we're going when we're done with this.

MATT: And there you see the Halls of Erudition. The beautiful bits of white and gray marbled, heavy stone towers, the walkways that weave between them. You can see the beautiful exterior courtyards with trees and trimmed hedges and little cobblestone walkways. It's like this beautifully elegant-- you can see loosely inspired by elvish design, the way everything connects and has an organic flow from one place to the next. You can see a small class of about 10 students in uniforms, like these uniform robes with a little bit of a fine tabard, short, just below the belly, that's hanging there, and they're all clutching their books with them, and they're being led through by some sort of a teacher that's giving them a lecture as they walk through the garden to the left. You head to the main, heavy staircase that is about 20 feet wide and slowly tapers until it comes to the double doorway that greets you at the top, this beautiful arch that starts like a natural apex and then curves up into this carved, ivory spiral on each side before where the doors come and meet. And the doors themselves are cut in a similar shape, so as one of them is partially open, and you can see there are two-- they're the the crownsguard, but you see them dressed in similar attire as some of the students, to signify the coloration of the halls here. Upon approach, they give you all a look and one of the guards glances down. "Could I inquire your business here?"

SAM: Fjord!

TRAVIS: What? Oh, yes. Hello. We've been sent here on a mission to gather some knowledge. If you wouldn't mind showing us to... the stacks.

LAURA: No.

TRAVIS: Nope.

(laughter)

MATT: "If you are seeking research, you'll have better luck with the Archive. This is a place of learning. If you are not a student--"

LAURA: I pull out the letter that Yussa gave us. And... it's, um...

MATT: You say, "It's, um."

LAURA: It's-- you know, it's-- we're here on behalf of--

SAM: We're here to see someone.

LAURA: We're here on behalf of Yussa.

SAM: The Headmaster Oremid Hass. The Archmage of Cultivation, perhaps you've heard of him?

MATT: Both of you make persuasion checks.

SAM: I got a little extra charisma to work with.

LAURA: Woo! I'm going to guide myself beforehand! Natural 20! (exclaiming)

SAM: 11 for me.

MATT: Okay. Not terrible. Between the two of you-- (laughs) Between the two of you, the soldier looks at the paper, goes, "I will inquire if he is available. Wait here a moment." Heads inside. As the door opens up, you can see the cut portion of the door has this nice little tapering top to it.

TALIESIN: That's very impressive.

MATT: The front of them very smooth, polished, the details are more on the exterior of it. About 15 or so minutes pass of you tapping your feet on the ground before you hear footfalls begin to approach again. The other guard just watching you quietly as you all wait outside. Until eventually the door once again, (door creaking) opens, you hear it scraping against the (grinding) stone of the floor beneath it, and the guard arrives, and the secondary guard, both flanking to each side, Oremid Hass, who you've seen once before. You see standing there, somewhat short, maybe like, five foot six. But a stocky, humanoid man, appearing human, but the skin is a very dark brown with a unique texture to it, with each shift, dust seems to almost fall from elements of the joints. The eyes are pitch black.

SAM: Whoa.

LAURA: Awesome.

MATT: Like tiny, polished marbles of obsidian.

LAURA: Sick!

MATT: Steps out with similar robes to the other instructors you've seen, though his are much more elaborate, and you can see there's these two long tassels that go over each shoulder, that drag on the ground behind him for an additional two feet. They stay clean, for as much as they're brought across the grounds behind him on the floor itself. Upon stepping out, arms still crossed and these heavy, long sleeves that drape down almost past the knees. Looking over all of you, this short, dark, kinked hair, and this bright smile, but a stern glare to the eyes that belittles a social presentation, but a very, very intense probing look. "Hello. You have made your way to the halls, you have requested my presence. I have but a few moments and would be quite curious as to what you..." The corner of the mouth curls into a smile. (laughs) Yussa, you old fool. (laughs) You have my attention. What has he tangled you a lot up in, yes?"

TALIESIN: We would value some privacy for this conversation. Is there somewhere secure?

MATT: "Allow them to enter. Follow me." Turns around, and follows you. And you guys watch as, with each step, that bit of dust that seems to drift off of the side of the neck as it turns, with each footfall there's this gentle little trail of almost like gravel or very, very fine powder, like a gray powder that's left in his wake, that slowly just vanishes a few feet after he passes in front of you, leaving no trail behind. Heading into the main chamber, this is a beautiful, beautiful open foyer type region of the entryway to the Halls. You can see its multiple archways with pillars all throughout that seem to give this lattice type pattern of archway after archway after archway, each leading to the next, to the point where everything is connected in this continuous beautiful, organic wave after wave visual spectrum. The sunlight that comes in from the side, tall windows, lights, everything with this warm sunlight hue, like an eggshell and a soft yellow light.

LAURA: This place is gorgeous!

MARISHA: This is awesome.

MATT: You can hear the echoes of voices down distant halls. And you can see, it splits into three different hallways immediately as you enter the chamber. There is a circular desk of some kind in the center where a number of books and records are being kept for those that pass in and out, students' arrivals, anything else, and as you guys approach, the person at the desk, this older woman, looks to be halfling in lineage, perched up on the chair, lifts a quill to ask a question, Oremid just puts a hand up and shakes the head and she goes back to her chair. Oremid--

SAM: Hold my calls.

MATT: Leading you off to the right hand hallway, which is-- this hallway, while it's maybe 20 foot from side to side, stands about 80 foot to its apex, the whole thing has this gradual arch to it.

LAURA: That's so cool.

MATT: Beautiful. It's-- you can see why, you know, why this is considered a place of higher learning, and even just looking at this, you can only imagine what the Soltryce Academy must look like. About four or five doors down, you are led into a left hand chamber, and there appears to be a warm meeting room. The coloration shifts from the white and grays that marbled swirl that seems to be the bulk of the interior and exterior design of the Halls, and instead it has a dark forest green color. The wood is a deep, dark mahogany, and you can see there's an octangular table with chairs set up around. Oremid goes around to the opposite side and sits down, arms crossed. Addresses for you all to sit down.

SAM: By the way, before we got here, I probably would have disguised myself as something else. I assume, right? We're in Empire lands now?

MATT: You are.

LAURA: But--

MATT: You've gotten around before with your mask, but you--

SAM: I don't have a mask--

MATT: You don't have your mask anymore, so you probably would have.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: I'll trust you to have the foresight on that, so.

SAM: Okay. I'll have made myself a halfling.

MATT: You got it. All right. So you all enter the chamber. "So. It is strange for such a motley crew to be so heavily involved with a... I would say, oddball as Yussa, so far south. And then to be sent to me by name via missive is very intriguing. Do tell me, what is your business, what has brought you to the Halls?"

LAURA: Well, Yussa trusts you.

MATT: "Very well."

LAURA: And what we've been through is pretty bad. I can keep going.

SAM: We worry for the fate of the Empire.

LAURA: I mean, yeah.

SAM: And are here to tell you some information and see if you've heard of anything that you could convey to us that would help us protect the Empire from impending doom.

LAURA: And, you know, the world.

MATT: "Well, these things seem to align with my personal preferences, so yes, let us continue."

LAURA: Okay, so there was this group of people that were worshiping this Angel of Irons, right? And they took our friend, and she didn't want to go with them, but this guy is super powerful, and then we were scrying on them, and we found out, it wasn't the Angel of Irons at all! It was the Chained Oblivion. And he's trying to break into the world. Basically.

SAM: Big, it's a big drop. It's a big lore drop there. Do you know what Tharizdun is?

MATT: "I am well aware."

MARISHA: We have proof.

MATT: You can see there's a look in the face of, who the fuck are these people to walk into my house and tell me such ridiculous things, but then you see he glances down at the partially unrolled missive that still sits there and looks over the signature. "Hmm."

TALIESIN: They seem to be making headway.

MATT: "Do we know where, when? Who's involved?"

TALIESIN: Ev-- well--

TRAVIS: That's a bit of a larger story. It seems that there's a third party involved in bringing both the Dynasty and the Empire to blows, as maybe a means of distraction or as a way to upset the order of things, but there have been devices planted on both continents to poke holes between here and the Abyss, creatures have escaped, we've removed or destroyed some of them, but we seem to have uncovered at least the intention to weaken the distance between the planes.

MARISHA: I reach into my pouch and pull out the fragment of the homemade portal device, toss it at him.

TALIESIN: We believe there are agents on both sides of the war working towards possibly freeing this entity.

TRAVIS: Most of these were found in Xhorhas, but we do believe someone from Xhorhas allowed one of the dodecahedrons to be brought over to the Empire in an effort to upset balance.

MATT: "What is this dodecahedron you speak of?"

TRAVIS: It is an item that the Xhorhasians worship, it's a structure, a geometric shape, they treat it as a deity, a god.

MATT: "Where did you acquire this information?"

TRAVIS: We spent some time in Xhorhas.

MATT: "And that is where you learned that one of these dodecahedrons was taken?"

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: We actually learned a bit here in the Empire first. Is that a problem for you, Oremid?

MATT: "It's not a problem, it's just... not... not common knowledge."

TALIESIN: So you did know?

MATT: "I'm aware."

TRAVIS: You can see that we are obviously not the type to be privy to this level of information, and I think you know that by possessing that letter, we're obviously involved in something far above our pay grade.

MATT: "Yes, you are. And I would recommend you tell no one else that you know of this."

TRAVIS: Agreed.

MATT: "You're lucky you came to me first."

MARISHA: Insight check.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I was about to say.

MATT: Both of you guys make an insight check.

MARISHA: Why doesn't he want us--

LAURA: Well, yeah.

TALIESIN: I've been watching him like a hawk.

SAM: We just said three things that could get us arrested.

TALIESIN: 19. Oh, insight, hold on. 19.

MARISHA: 27.

LAURA: Woo!

SAM: Whispers!

TRAVIS: Dual whisper, bring both your ears here so he can tickle at the same time!

TALIESIN: You rolled so much better than I did.

SAM: What's in the shop right now, Laura?

LAURA: Mm!

TRAVIS: Is there a whisper card?

SAM: There's not.

LAURA: This is!

SAM: Oh, this lovely blanket that's been keeping my butt and back warm?

LAURA: Yeah! Mm, smells like Sam butt!

SAM: Sam butt!

LAURA: And! Some awesome pins! Check them out! They're chibi!

SAM: They're chibi.

LAURA: And they're super cute.

SAM: What? Other whispers? A double whisper? Have we ever done that before? Why not just tell everyone?

LAURA: They're going to just tell everyone.

SAM: It's so soft!

LAURA: I know, it so is!

MARISHA: It is so soft. I love it so much.

TRAVIS: Also two seasons of Legend of Vox Machina! 24 episodes! Even more story!

SAM: See it internationally!

MARISHA: Oremid. I know as you said, we appear to be quite the motley crew. And you're not wrong.

TRAVIS: (guitar riff)

MARISHA: We're dope.

SAM: (laughs)

MARISHA: But that leniency has granted us the ability to infiltrate certain lines.

MATT: "Apparently, if you've been to Xhorhas during this conflict, that says a lot about your capabilities. Now there have been... rumors spreading for some time within the more private echelons of the Empire of Imperial defectors working with the enemy. There has been, as far as I know, no identification. Would this perchance pertain to the journeys you've made?"

MARISHA: Honestly, it's hard to say. We've found evidence of potential defectors on our path.

MATT: "As you are an Expositor."

MARISHA: Yes, sir.

MATT: "I take it this was part of your intended mission?"

MARISHA: Yes, sir.

MATT: "Well. What I do know is that, whatever... whatever Ludinus is attempting to ascertain with this beacon, is important. I do not know if I agree with the ramifications of this, nor can I speak to as this beacon being specifically the reasons for this conflict."

MARISHA: I don't think the beacon is specifically the reasons for this conflict.

MATT: "There have been many, many things guiding this tension for quite some time. This was just the--"

MARISHA: Perfect excuse.

MATT: "Perhaps."

MARISHA: Beyond the two rivaling factions, between the Empire and Xhorhas, and this potential incursion from the Abyss and Tharizdun, Tharizdun seems to have unified certain elements between devils and demons. I don't think you worrying about the conflict between these two mortal beings should be your main point of interest.

MATT: "So you are agreeing with me that this beacon and this cult are possibly unrelated?"

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: "All right. We're on the same page."

SAM: If we were able to expose, as you called them, a defector among your midst, what would happen to that person?

MATT: "If there was Imperial members who defected to Xhorhas, they would be executed."

SAM: Well, what if they weren't defecting to Xhorhas, what if they were just working with this strange, third organization that's trying to--

MATT: "If there are cultists within our immediate midst, they would probably be given the same. They would be hunted by the Vollstreckers, and tortured and probably never seen again."

TRAVIS: May I ask a question that's insanely above my pay grade, and forgive me if it's insulting in any way. Have you considered at all that King Dwendal might somehow be knowledgeable of this?

MATT: "Of this cult activity?"

TRAVIS: Yes, of this third party movement?

MATT: "If he's aware, and is not involved, he would have voiced this. There is a lot of very direct communication between the Assembly and the Crown and the council he keeps. If you are insinuating that Dwendal himself is part of this cult, hmm."

TRAVIS: Again, no offense intended. Merely--

MATT: "I would need evidence for that."

MARISHA: Have you noticed anything different with him here lately? Recurring themes involving the Chained Oblivion, involve manipulation, starvation--

LAURA: Hunger.

MARISHA: Hunger.

SAM: Is anyone on the Cerberus Assembly like really hungry all the time?

LAURA: Or aggressive all of a sudden, like all this--

SAM: Or just like--

MATT: "War and conflict brings aggression. Though the... members of the Council and the King himself have been a little more... excitable towards conflict."

LAURA: Like who? Like Trent, maybe?

MATT: "What do you know of Trent?"

SAM: (quietly) Mm-mm.

LAURA: I don't know, just Yussa was talking about some of the members and said that Trent was kind of creepy is all.

MATT: "He is a strange one, yes. But he is effective. And he has his place."

TALIESIN: We do know that there are people who cannot be trusted.

MATT: "Who?"

TALIESIN: Well, to be fair, I'm not entirely sure we trust you yet.

MATT: "Then why are you here?"

TALIESIN: We want to trust you.

MATT: "Then trust me."

LAURA: I trust you.

(laughter)

MATT: "Look. If this is the extent of what this conversation is going to be, I can carry it from here. However, if you're going to walk into my house, call me here at the words of Yussa, and display this... very tangled tale, I would want some definitive proof or direction of which I can be of assistance."

TALIESIN: We would be happy to offer that, we just want to make sure that... if the worst is true, and that this is even more tangled than it even appears to be, that there's going to be no trouble if it's disturbing information.

MATT: "(laughs) We, as the Assembly, wade deeply in disturbing information. That is how we keep it from spilling into the streets of our people. We keep them safe, we keep them... blissfully ignorant of the dangers and the challenges of Exandria's darker and more shadowed pits.

TALIESIN: It can be hard when one is betrayed by someone they trust.

SAM: Yes, and speaking of. If there is someone in your midst who is betraying you, you can't just go around investing them, can you?

MATT: "No. I would need to begin to rally those I do trust within the Assembly. I would look to carefully build a case, take it to the King, as well as the Council."

SAM: If we wanted to possibly assist you in that effort, how best could we go about doing it?

MATT: "Well--"

MARISHA: I can tell you that the Cobalt Soul is already assembling a case to take to King Dwendal.

MATT: "Who is assigned to this?"

MARISHA: Expositor Dairon.

MATT: "I know of this Expositor. I will reach out to them, perhaps together we can cut through some of the usual red tape. I will see what I can do." TRAVIS: You mentioned that Ludinus was studying the--

LAURA: The Beacon?

TRAVIS: Yeah, the Beacon. Do you know to what means he is trying to--

MATT: "He believes that there is something... dangerous and unstudied, untapped, that the Kryn have been... tampering with for as long as they have been developing their society. Magics old and... slightly beyond the understanding of the existing schools of magic."

LAURA: Interesting.

MATT: "I believe there is, as is the case with the Assembly's, one of our main concerns is assuring that any sort of errant or aberrant arcane pursuits are studied, understood, and contained before they can do damage. Ludinus has been helming the research into this, both as a means of understanding it, to counteract it, as it is being used quite heavily on the battlefield, and as a means of infiltration, and assaults upon the Empire. And perhaps... nullify it."

LAURA: Well, we happen to know that Ludinus' assistant, the blonde haired guy.

MATT: "Vence?"

LAURA: Yeah. He's kind of working in conjunction with the cultists.

MATT: "The lap dog? Him?"

TALIESIN: He's one of the cultists.

LAURA: Yeah, he was helping with the rift thingies.

MARISHA: In fact--

TALIESIN: That was--

MARISHA: We found this fabric swatch, linked it to him. And that's also where we found that.

TALIESIN: It's time.

LIAM: One was glued to the other.

MARISHA: Those look like Empire robes to us.

MATT: "This will suffice. I will begin my investigations."

MARISHA: Are you going to keep that?

MATT: "I would have to."

MARISHA: Yeah, okay, okay, okay.

LAURA: I saw him. He was writing in a book. It was a book that he kept with him.

MATT: "Do you know where he is now?"

(laughter)

SAM: She didn't learn that spell.

LAURA: I'll know tomorrow.

SAM: But if you need us to check-- check up on him and get more information--

MATT: "Please. Notify me."

LAURA: I'll send you a message the minute I know anything.

SAM: Is there anything you can give us that would help us get closer to his circle of assistants or employees--

LAURA: Yeah, maybe you can hire us as your assistant, or one of us, and then we'll hang out as assistants together.

MATT: "Let me--"

LAURA: Do you have assistant break rooms?

MATT: You see he closes his eyes, the dark glare of his colorless pupils vanishing, and you see a faint glow from behind the eyelids. He speaks out loud, you recognize this as a separate flair to the Sending spell. "Vence. Headmaster Oremid."

SAM: (whispering) Don't mention us!

MATT: "I understand if you're still in town, I would like very much to, perhaps... offer you a bit of a personal... request, if you will. I, myself am quite busy, and I have some business."

SAM: He gets extra.

LAURA: How many words did he just say?

TRAVIS: When you don't have pupils, you can just--

SAM: May I ask one other strange question while you wait for his response? Do you have a little bowl of milk for our kitty cat?

LAURA: Oh, and--

MATT: Immediately his face goes--

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: "Why didn't you say, what is this little one, what is-- oh my goodness me!" (laughter) Just immediately, the entire, entire presentory intimidating visage just crumbles. "What is your name?"

LIAM: I like the idea that the whole time Frumpkin's been hidden just one side of your lapel. And then the head pokes out. Yeah.

MATT: "Oh, this is a-- you are a familiar!"

LAURA: What about--

MATT: "Whose familiar is this?"

LAURA: Also Sprinkle.

SAM: Familiar? I mean, he's just a cat.

MATT: "Oh!"

SAM: He's not a magical thing.

TRAVIS: Double presents!

MATT: "(laughs) This is, oh, this is--" (laughter) "I know this is-- we are talking about very important things, but--"

(laughter)

TRAVIS: The little things in life.

MATT: "Oh, oh!"

LAURA: Yeah, Sprinkle likes to cuddle in, yeah.

LIAM: Remember, I told Frumpkin to be extra adorable.

MATT: Is just cuddling on-- you can see, the shoulders go up.

LIAM: Kitty biscuits.

LAURA: Oh yeah, on the back.

MATT: Yeah. As this is happening, his reaction stops for a moment. "Vence is not in Zadash."

LAURA: He's not?

MATT: "He's in Rexxentrum, on important business for Da'leth, so--"

LIAM: Oh goodness. Ludinus Da'leth.

MARISHA: Oh.

LIAM: Mean man.

TALIESIN: Agents-- agents of... this Angel of Irons are moving quickly towards something, their plans obviously are to... free this thing.

MATT: "What was that?" (laughter) "I know, I know. You are-- okay, if you are hungry, I'll get you-- hey! (claps) Bring some-- bring some from t-t-the mess, bring some of the chopped, small cubed meats, please. Thank you." The guard leaves for a bit.

SAM: Kibble!

TRAVIS: (laughing) He's getting food.

MATT: "I'm sorry, but what was--"

TALIESIN: There's-- we do know that their plans are in motion, any leads that we could have on stopping them before they release this ancient void would be--

MATT: "Of course."

TALIESIN: Helpful?

MATT: "I would be-- oh! This is such a tiny weasel."

LAURA: I know, he's just the best, isn't he?

MATT: "This is adorable! A bit gaunt, but he's beautiful."

LAURA: Well, you know, he's an adventurer, so he's lithe.

MATT: "You've been around, haven't you?

TALIESIN: Hasn't been fed in three or four weeks.

LAURA: Shush shush shush.

MATT: It bites his finger, but his finger's hard, and just like, "Oh, (adoring mumbling). "I will go ahead and begin to reach out to my contacts, perhaps I may have to make a journey to Rexxentrum myself when the time comes, but I need to ensure that I do not raise any suspicion or do anything to tip them off--"

SAM: I'm just saying, we could go for you, if you want.

MATT: "Well, of course. But I feel like we have different avenues we can purs-- I know, I know. Different avenues we can pursue simultaneously. Do-- is there anything else you need?"

MARISHA: Man, I'm so distracted.

LAURA: I know, it's really cute!

MARISHA: So cute.

SAM: This is productive, but what are the other avenues that we can pursue right now?

TRAVIS: We did ask for something that would perhaps let us move with a bit more ease, right? Something perhaps, a letter or, if it's more important for us not to be affiliated with you, if you want us to move with some autonomy, but independence--

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

LAURA: Guidance.

TRAVIS: Okay.

TALIESIN: Well, casting a spell--

LAURA: Oh, is that bad?

MATT: Guidance isn't just a, (pop) it's like a-- in front of a--

(laughter)

TRAVIS: It's okay, it's okay. Just because I don't-- 21. Persuasion?

MATT: Persuasion check.

TRAVIS: 21.

MATT: He reaches back into the inside of the robes, and pulls out a pin of some kind. You can see the shape of it, it's these-- it looks like this with a series of small spires in it, almost, imagine like a curved comb with eight spires that all slowly get smaller towards the center. Above it, you can see three diamonds that face each other, you recognize this as the symbol of the Cerberus Assembly. The three diamonds are for the three heads of the Cerberus, and the eight being the Candles of Rexxentrum.

TRAVIS: That's fucking crazy dope.

MATT: Hands it to you.

SAM: Maybe don't put it in the same pocket as the other one that we have--

(laughter)

LAURA: I accidentally pull-- oh shit, wrong one.

TALIESIN: If we get the Disney pin trader belt, it'll be fine.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Let us-- fuck. Let us in!

MATT: He goes ahead and waves his hand and you can see this faint glow solidify in the front of it, and a symbol flashes for a second and then vanishes. "I've marked that with my signature. If any members of the Assembly give you trouble, present that and it should at least lend a bit credibility, but once again, even my influence limitations should you do anything untoward or... Extreme. You are on your own."

SAM: Not us. No, we're fine.

MARISHA: We're very even keeled.

SAM: Speaking of the members of the Assembly, in Rexxentrum, if we make our way up there, are there any members that you, without a doubt and all of your... experience points to trusting entirely and completely with your life--

MATT: "No."

SAM: Wow. These are your co-workers. That's a problem. You should have an HR department or something.

MATT: "While there is a... a spectrum of trustworthiness within, also acknowledge the importance of what we do. The work that is necessary. It is for the good of society. The future of the Empire. We are a series of checks and balances within our own group. And we, in turn, offer a check to the crown."

MARISHA: Just like the Cobalt Soul.

SAM: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: Right?

LAURA: Makes sense, yeah.

TRAVIS: Just for clarity, do you want us to avoid using your name if at all possible?

MATT: "If at all possible, yes. But understand, there are many enemies of the Empire in Exandria. And many of these enemies rush towards the secrets, and dangerous whispers that lie scattered throughout history, and wish to use it against them. Part of our duty is to get to them first. To protect us. That requires strange bedfellows at times."

TRAVIS: I think we understand that within our own group.

MATT: "(sighs) Well. Be on, then. Time is of the essence.

TRAVIS: One last thing, do you happen to know any of the members of the Tal'Dorei Council?

(laughter)

MATT: "Not personally."

TRAVIS: Very well.

MARISHA: Do you have names? We're just curious, you know.

MATT: "What does this have to do--"

MARISHA: We try to keep up with global politics.

SAM: Global politics.

MARISHA: We feel like it's important.

TRAVIS: Yussa knew of Allura Vysoren, and we were just curious.

MATT: "I've heard of Allura, but I have not met her personally."

SAM: Just heard of Allura?

LAURA: She's really cool.

TRAVIS: If they set out a-- yeah. A yearly photo with, you know.

LIAM: Christmas card, or...

TRAVIS: Very well. We must be off.

(laughter)

MATT: You motherfuckers.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I'm so proud of you, Travis.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Right, let's meet back up.

MATT: As you guys are-- stand up, Oremid escorts you out, and as you come to the steps of the Halls of Erudition, there's that moment of like, "Very good luck, and please, once again, if anything goes terribly wrong, let me know. I do not know if I can help, but at the very least, I can continue the work you could not finish."

SAM: Can we have the pets back, please? I mean...

TRAVIS: Oh no!

MATT: "I suppose."

TALIESIN: We'll bring them back.

MATT: "(chittering) Oh!"

LAURA: Thank you. Can I insight check Sprinkle and see if he wants to stay with Hass more than he likes me?

(laughter)

MATT: Sure, make an insight check.

TRAVIS: I mean, he does smell like earth.

LAURA: 21!

MATT: 21. I mean, Sprinkle comes back to you--

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Happy as it was before, it seemed to have enjoyed the brief change of scenery, but--

LAURA: Don't!

MATT: Gently puts Frumpkin down and skritches his head a little more, and goes like, "Feel free to bring them back anytime. You know where to find me, usually."

TRAVIS: We're going to come back, he's going to have fucking cat toys.

MARISHA: Yeah!

LAURA: Do you know what weasels like to sleep in?

MATT: "Oh, there are a number of things. As a keeper, you can have a small pouch that you keep over your shoulder they can curl up inside and sleep and keep themselves warm, otherwise, blankets, steamed so there's a slight bit of dampness, but still warmed. Tends to be a very, very calming experience for most weasels."

LAURA: Oh, that's nice!

MATT: "Otherwise, shredded bits of parchment, loose, natural cotton, they are able to create a little burrow for themselves--"

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about little special treats?

MATT: "Oh."

LAURA: I've been giving him candy, I don't know if that's--

MATT: "I would not recommend candy."

LAURA: Not candy?

MATT: "It will cause the rest of their teeth to rot out."

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: And leans forward and opens the mouth. "Yeah, there's all this sort of blackness to the gums."

LAURA: Oh, Sprinkle!

MATT: "I would recommend perhaps tanned meats, you know, dried jerkies, things to help clean the teeth as it's chewed as well."

LAURA: What about sweets?

MATT: "Dried flowers as well bits of sugar, maybe. But try to keep it minimal."

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: He has been looking a little chunky.

LAURA: No, he's--

MARISHA: Just a little.

LAURA: He's not chunky at all, he's super skinny.

MATT: Super skinny.

LAURA: He's like super skinny and everyone's like--

(laughter)

TALIESIN: That image is burned into my head! Thank you!

LIAM: The little rat mammal in Ice Age.

TRAVIS: Yes!

MATT: Yep! Straight up.

(laughter)

LAURA: All right, well. (laughter) I've got-- you know, that's good to know, thank you.

MATT: "Of course, of course. Good luck! Good bye!"

SAM: Do you think with his-- bye! Do you think with his earth powers he can just change a litterbox, just with his mind?

LAURA: Probably.

SAM: Amazing.

LAURA: So easy.

MARISHA: Oh, I pick up Frumpkin.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I don't forget Frumpkin.

MATT: Mmkay. You finished your research, where are you guys meeting up?

SAM: We said we were going to meet at--

TALIESIN: At The Invulnerable Vagrant.

SAM: Is that where we said?

TALIESIN: Yeah, we said we were going to meet at Pumat's.

TRAVIS: Fucking awesome!

MATT: All right.

SAM: (laughs)

MATT: You guys make your way back to the Pentamarket to the familiar smells of various, you know, pastries and cooked meats and foods, along with the smell of burning wood, there's the blacksmithy in the forge itself billowing out its own black smoke. It's very nostalgic to wander back into the Pentamarket after the times you had spent here together so early in your adventures. Eventually, you come upon the familiar green and gold wooden exterior of The Invulnerable Vagrant.

MARISHA: Wow. It's been a while.

TRAVIS: It's been a hot moment.

LAURA and LIAM: ♪ It's been a while! ♪

SAM: Okay, we're about to go in there. We have a lot of money.

TRAVIS: Well, some of us do, some of us went out and got tattoos.

LAURA: Really badass tattoos.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MARISHA: Super stoked about it.

LAURA: Look at, we shimmer! I shimmer.

MARISHA: Look at that, look at that.

LAURA: Look at this, the shoulder shimmering, that's diamond dust in me.

TRAVIS: Is that pus?

LAURA: Oh, it is pus! Oh god!

SAM: Just clean it up.

TRAVIS: Aquaphor.

MATT: You guys enter?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: Is Caleb there?

LIAM: Yeah, I caught up.

MARISHA: Here, here's your cat. Yeah.

LIAM: Is he okay?

TRAVIS: Yes.

MARISHA: Yeah, look at him, he's fine!

SAM: We tell Caleb everything that we learned.

LIAM: Frumpkin visually shows me everything.

TRAVIS: Does it work like that?

LIAM: Yeah. Telepathic link, man.

TRAVIS: Fuck!

LAURA: That's cool.

TRAVIS: It's like a camcorder in a cat!

TALIESIN: It's like a little USB cat.

(laughter)

MATT: You enter the warm chamber, the lanterns themselves still hanging, the lights flickering in the nice dark green interior with these green velvet curtains that go over the windows to each side, the little, the lantern light giving this warm feel. You can see the tables set out with a handful of things on them, it's sparse in here.

SAM: Well, wartime, wartime.

MATT: You step inside, the door closes behind you, there, you can see there's one familiar face. Pumat sitting at the counter, and is currently in the process, you can see he has a band across the forehead that's keeping the hair out of the front of his eyes, and is in the process, with his tongue sticking out of his mouth, of writing down on a stack of papers, before looking up and going, "Oh, hey there!"

SAM: Hey!

MATT: "Oh, that's some familiar faces I haven't seen here in a long time. What's going on? Want me to get Prime for ya?"

LAURA: Oh! Oh well--

SAM: Hi, Pumat!

MATT: "Hey, how, it's been a, oh, it's been a whole nellie of a few months there, I tell you. So what's been keeping y'all so busy?"

LIAM: Oh, travel, lots of travel.

TALIESIN: We've been all over.

SAM: For business.

MARISHA: Work stuff, mainly.

LAURA: Oh hey, did you finish those bracers?

SAM: What?

MATT: "Which bracers are you talking about? I'll look through the paperwork, here--"

SAM: I think we had them made somewhere else.

TRAVIS: That was in Xhorhas.

SAM: Was it?

MATT: "Do you have a receipt, perhaps, or an order form?"

SAM: Claim ticket?

MATT: "It's sort of a pickup here?"

TRAVIS: That big--

LAURA: Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind. I just knew that she got some. Sorry.

MATT: "Well here, let me get, Pumat! Pumat, you got some returning customers here I haven't seen in a while. Here, I'll just take this work upstairs in my room here."

TRAVIS: Everything been okay? It looks like you might have been robbed? It's very empty in here.

MATT: "Oh no, it's just," at that point, the curtain comes past, and you can see the familiar face of Pumat Prime, sweat on the forehead, goggles in front of the eyes with the long, protracted lens in the front, wearing leather apron over the rest, and he goes, "Yeah, we've been just running the clock year round. The Assembly had a lot of orders coming in over here the past few months, and it just, you know, has been less of a, less of a shop as much as it's been sort of an aid for the war effort. You know, it's trying to--"

LIAM: -- to the front?

MATT: "What's that, sorry?"

LIAM: Sending supplies to the front, I said.

MATT: "Oh yeah, trying to keep our soldiers alive, and, you know. Best we can at least, there's only so many of us to go around. (laughs) Where are the other two guys?" He goes, "Oh, they're napping." He's like, "Ah, they earned it, it's fine. Anyway, yeah, it's just, sorry we're a little low. What you looking for, what can I help you with?"

TRAVIS: Well, we've come with quite a bit of coin to spend. Actually we were quite looking back to returning to your place of business. Any high value items that perhaps--

TALIESIN: Unusual or otherwise.

MATT: "Oh well--"

TRAVIS: Just so you know, your previous items have gone to good use. I'll summon the sword and show the hilt of--

MATT: "Oh!"

TALIESIN: We had it repaired.

MATT: "Well, that's a sight for some flipping eyes right there! Let me take a look at that thing! (laughs) Ah, I couldn't make this myself, this is, this is some mighty fine craftsmanship."

TRAVIS: It all started here at The Invulnerable Vagrant.

MATT: "Well, that's just, that's just beautiful." (laughter) "I'm taken aback, I'm going to get a little teary eyed here. I'm just (sniffs) proud." Puts the goggles up a bit. (laughter) "Wow, if you're ever looking to sell that, let me know."

TRAVIS: I will keep that in mind.

MATT: "All righty. Um. Hey, you guys are, you guys are still doing the adventuring thing, right?"

TALIESIN: Quite a bit.

SAM: Yes, yes.

MATT: "I got a-- quite the problem solvers. Done a few things, right, around here?"

SAM: Sure, sure.

TRAVIS: Quite first.

MATT: "Well, would you be able to help me with something, if you don't mind?"

SAM: Help you, of course, yeah!

LAURA: What do you want--

MATT: "I got gold, I got discounts for, you know, repeat customers especially, and I, you know, do this whole bag up for a favor, just like that. Here, I've been working on a new enchant for months, and I finally got most of the way into finishing it, but I kind of miscounted my materials, and had to halt my progress."

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: What are you in need of?

MATT: "Well, I need an additional vial of Swavain basilisk oil. My usual contact has been delayed up north, and the Assembly's leaning on me to finish this commission for one of their members, so it's kind of important." LAURA: Which member?

MATT: "Can't tell you, sort of, you know, privileged due to the client, you understand."

LAURA: Totally.

MATT: "But I'd be happy to pay, oh," looks at the paperwork here. "About 5,700 gold for the vial."

SAM: 5,700 gold?

MATT: "Yeah."

SAM: Wow.

TRAVIS: Swavain basilisk oil.

MATT: "Yeah."

LAURA: Where would we find that?

MATT: "Well, you'd probably find it in the Swavain Islands, probably."

SAM: Oh.

LAURA: Yeah, obviously.

SAM: Where is that?

LAURA: Those islands.

SAM: Get out those maps. Well, wait, we could just ask him. Where are those?

MATT: "They're south of the Menagerie Coast, go along the southern base of Wildemount, you'd find them usually coastal."

LAURA: Where's that in regards to Rumblecusp?

TRAVIS: The Swavain Islands? Oh shit, right next to them.

LAURA: Sweet, sweet.

MARISHA: Yeah. How soon do you need this, Pumat?

MATT: "Oh, I mean, you know. Sooner the better, but it's not a huge push, I just, preferably in the next couple months or so."

TALIESIN: We may be making our way that direction pretty soon, so that works out well.

LAURA: What is the date? Today, we've been out of commission for a bit, I don't know the exact day.

MATT: Let me get it from CritRoleStats. (laughter) Well here, I'll get it for you after the episode. LAURA: Okay. I'm just trying to figure out how much time we've got.

LIAM: Do you have a rough idea of how close we are to go time for Traveler? Roughly?

MATT: You are... I have to look at the full count of all of our days left, I'd say you're a number of weeks off.

LAURA: Okay. Okay.

MATT: You know, it's getting there.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: He says, "Anyway, I need a full six ounces of this oil, so it's going to-- I can procure for you a safe vial for it. Just don't touch this stuff."

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: "I don't know if you're familiar with the Swavain basilisks. They're a sea serpent type creature, and about 20, 25 feet long, if I recall correctly. Their bites are hurting, you know, it's not too bad, but they excrete this oil around their body, helps them slither and, well, it touches your skin, starts turning you to stone. They're wait for you to sink to the bottom and then they eat off of the corpse, you know? Petrified. Real dangerous, lots of-- a lot of sailor stories about it," and you've actually, at this point, be like: Oh shit, I thought that was just a story, like a song.

TRAVIS: Sounds right.

TALIESIN: It's clever, they turn them into stone.

TRAVIS: Drawn on this very map.

MATT: "Trust me, I almost became a Pumat piece of art when I almost forgot my gloves working on this thing."

LAURA: Whoa.

MATT: "(laughs) That was a close one. Anyway. Yeah. So if you ever get that around back here, that'd be much appreciated."

SAM: Yeah, we'll definitely help you with that, Mr. Sol.

TALIESIN: Do you have anything in right now?

LIAM: Yeah, in the meantime?

MATT: "Eh," he pulls out a, he says, "Most of the things up there are just for show. "They're basic plus one enchantments. Or, you know, you guys seem to," looks at you, "you came back here looking all mighty, I'm not going to lie."

(laughter)

LAURA: Hey!

MATT: "Ah, we're trying to keep up. I've got some healing potions," and he pulls up--

TRAVIS: Always interested in those, yeah.

MATT: He's got two healing potions, two greater healing potions, and one potion of superior healing for sale.

TRAVIS: We'll take all of them.

LAURA: How much are-- Those are expensive.

MATT: "Well, they're 50 gold apiece for the base healing potions, they're 250 for the greater, and 2,500 apiece for the single superior healing."

TRAVIS: 2,800 gold?

MARISHA: That's more expensive than my tattoo.

(laughter)

SAM: But in a pinch--

MARISHA: That was a magic trick.

SAM: Now these superiors are--

LIAM: What are you doing?

TRAVIS: Zero.

LAURA: We took the only superior that we had. Fjord guzzled it really fast.

SAM: In a pinch.

TRAVIS: Well worth it, though. You really care about me. We'll take the superior and the two greater healings.

LAURA: Ooh!

MATT: "All righty."

TALIESIN: I'd actually say let's just take them all, because even a minor healing potion will wake you up if you get knocked down.

LAURA: It's true. And then you can get back up again.

MATT: "Two regular as well, you're saying?"

TALIESIN: Take the whole kit n' caboodle.

MATT: "Oh yeah, no worries!"

LAURA: And get up again.

MATT: "By the way, can I just say again, how nice it is to see another firbolg this side of the Empire."

TALIESIN: It's been a while for me too, it's--

MATT: "Yeah, it was--

SAM: You guys have met, right? You've met before?

TALIESIN: No, never.

SAM: You've not met?

TALIESIN: I was just trying out just being sarcastic.

SAM: Oh, oh, oh! Hey, that was good!

MATT: "We met once before, yeah. Yeah, it's been a while, you know? Just, yeah, I'm liking the style--"

TALIESIN: Oh, thank you, I just was looking for a bit of a change, you know.

MATT: "Yeah, all you guys really mixed it up."

TRAVIS: That'll be 350 gold from everybody.

TALIESIN: Oh, I can do that.

MATT: "Here ya go. Just lay these out here for ya. You can disseminate as you see fit."

LAURA: What kind of plus one things do you have?

MATT: "Oh, a plus one leather, I got a plus one shield over there. I got two of these potions of maximum power."

SAM: What is that, what is that?

MATT: "They're 750 gold apiece."

SAM: What do they do?

MATT: "Let me pull it out for ya."

TRAVIS: Maximum power?

SAM: I've never heard of such a thing. Sounds metal!

MATT: He pulls it, shows it to you. It's a vial with a glowing, purple liquid that just swirls around inside as he spins it a bit, and the inside, it creates a small little vortex that calms down. "It doesn't taste real great, to be honest, but it really bolsters release of arcane power, you know, these are supposed to technically go to the front lines, but you know, I can pass it on to some friends here and some repeat customers, if you don't mind." Essentially, just so you know what they do, is you drink it, and within one minute after drinking the potion, instead of rolling the dice for damage dealt on something, you can choose to instead use the highest number possible for each die. So it's like a maximum damage.

LAURA: On one turn?

MATT: Yeah, you have to use it within a minute. No, it's whatever, you have one minute to use it, and then if it happens--

SAM: So 10 rounds of maximum--

LAURA: No, no, no.

MATT: You have 10 rounds until it goes away, and then once you cast a spell, it uses it.

SAM: Got it.

MARISHA: It's a scroll?

SAM: It's a potion.

TRAVIS: So if you have one thing that's 5d10 damage, you do 50.

LAURA: So you get--

MATT: "That's 750 gold pieces for the single use, and..." he looks at the--

LAURA: If you roll a crit and you--

MATT: "You know, I should probably keep one of these just because they were ordered, but if you want the one."

SAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: I think the one, because then, I mean, that could be a one-two combo that's pretty impressive, because I can also make things vulnerable for up to one attack. So that would double damage.

SAM: You could do that?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: Wow.

TRAVIS: We're definitely taking at least the one, we don't want to put you in any precarious positions--

MARISHA: Any damage, or melee damage? Or like--

TALIESIN: Magic damage.

LAURA: Any damage.

MARISHA: Wait, what?

MATT: Your ability?

TALIESIN: It's spell.

TRAVIS: No, it's only arcane.

MATT: This is arcane-only.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

MATT: But your ability is an attack.

SAM: Fireball?

MATT: It would not affect a spell unless the spell had to roll to hit. So, a ray spell or like, you know, Fire Bolt, or something you had to roll.

TALIESIN: I could double a Fire Bolt.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: To one target as 12d6.

TRAVIS: Yes, we'll take that.

TALIESIN: And then if it hits, I can--

MATT: "All righty, got that one there for you. And I got this other, this, sorry, everything else is pretty much on order except for this," and he pulls up a thick, squat metallic casing. Looks like what would be a heavy perfume bottle, but it's made of some sort of tin material, with a rubber capper on top, it's wrapped around it, and he goes, "This is called oil of tempering. You can rub it on a piece of armor and for the next 24 hours or so, it gets a little boost."

SAM: Oh.

MATT: "This one's got ah, this one's only got two applications to it."

TRAVIS: How much of a boost?

MATT: "Oh, plus one to your armor class for 24 hours."

TRAVIS: I'll take it. How much is it?

MATT: "Takes about an hour to apply it, and this one'll run you about 1,200 gold pieces."

TALIESIN: It's a little rich for my blood.

SAM: For one AC?

LAURA: How much is that shield of plus one?

MATT: "What, the plus one shield? Let me go ahead and check there real fast."

TRAVIS: Plus two, I'd be all over it.

MARISHA: For 24 hours, it's rough.

MATT: He goes ahead and starts going through the book, in the back there, as you're waiting patiently, you're sitting there.

LAURA: (whistles "Jeopardy!" theme)

MATT: What's your armor class, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: 18.

MATT: You feel this searing pain in your back. This sudden burst of intense, deep piercing pain.

SAM: What?

MATT: Your breath halts in your chest for a second as the muscles in your torso seize.

SAM: Wh-what?

MATT: You--

TRAVIS: Did you touch it?

TALIESIN: I didn't touch anything.

LAURA: Something's attacking him!

MATT: Suffer--

LAURA: It's invisible!

MATT: 13...

LIAM: It's the fish and chips.

MATT: Yep.

SAM: Pumat is the mole. What is happening, is there an invisible guy in the shop?

LAURA: There's got to be somebody invisible.

MARISHA: Is the searing pain in the back of your neck?

LAURA: Or in your back?

TALIESIN: In my back, right?

LAURA: Oh my gosh!

TRAVIS: My thing lasts for an hour and I cast it in--

MATT: You take 45 points of slashing damage.

TALIESIN: Oh shit!

MATT: Make a constitution saving throw for me, please.

MARISHA: Attacked. You are being attacked.

LAURA: Would we see it? Can we see it happen?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: Hold on.

TALIESIN: I make a constitution saving throw?

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: Okay. 15.

MATT: 15, okay. From that intense pain, you feel something begin to, very briefly begin to corrupt into your veins and your body shrugs off whatever force or thing is trying to pierce--

TALIESIN: I cast Detect Magic and swing behind me.

MATT: You guys hear this strange, (stifled gasps) from Caduceus, Caduceus leans forward, you all spin around and look, and there, just creeping up out of the ground, you see a female form, dull, gray, almost blue-purple skin, black headband, bright red hair, that spills down in front of the face, cloak and armor, with a deep grin, as she draws one of two dark, envenomed daggers from the back of Caduceus. And kind of laughs. (laughs softly) Before (quiet whoosh) shifting back into the ground like a ghost.

TRAVIS: O-oh--

SAM: What?

TRAVIS: Oh shit, is that the-- is that the name, is that the fourth horseman, is that the, is that the--

SAM: What?

MATT: As Pumat says, "W-what was that?"

SAM: Are you okay?

TALIESIN: No!

MATT: And that's where we'll pick up.

(shouting)

TRAVIS: What's the name, what's the name, what's the name!

MARISHA: I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking.

LIAM: Caedogast?

TRAVIS: The invulnerable, no, the--

LAURA: The Inevitable End!

TRAVIS: The Inevitable End!

SAM: Is that what it looks like?

TRAVIS: I don't know!

MATT: Caedogeist.

MARISHA: Huh?

MATT: Caedogeist is the name.

MARISHA: Is that it?

SAM: Is that who it was?

LIAM: We'll find out next week.

MATT: You have no idea, you've never seen them.

TRAVIS: (gasps) Avantika lives!

LAURA: I know, I thought of that.

LIAM: They're the chosen assassin of Lolth, so--

LAURA: Oh my god!

LIAM: Good chance--

TALIESIN: I just took a lot of fucking damage, by the way.

LAURA: 45--

SAM: Well, we just bought a bunch of health potions, so--

TRAVIS: What is-- how did you-- that came out of nowhere!

MARISHA: That has to be--

TRAVIS: Keep your hands in your pockets!

TALIESIN: I didn't hit anything with my damn swing, did I? No?

MATT: You could roll--

TALIESIN: That's okay, I mean--

SAM: You can roll.

MARISHA: Jourrael.

TRAVIS: That was so out of nowhere!

SAM: We're shopping, Matt!

TALIESIN: 23?

MATT: It's like assassins are really good at what they do.

MARISHA: That's, yeah.

TALIESIN: 23.

MATT: 23?

MARISHA: Holy shit.

TRAVIS: Into the ground?

MATT: As you swing outwards towards it, you swing wide towards this strange, spectral drow-like figure, and as it pulls into the ground, it uses its reaction to, shink! Parry it out of the way. It does not hit.

TALIESIN: Damn.

TRAVIS: 23?

TALIESIN: Parried that. Yep.

MARISHA: You said spectral? She's a specter. The Inevitable End, I wrote down specter.

TALIESIN: Okay, okay, yeah, yeah. Fuck, all right, that's fine.

MATT: So we'll take up with whatever's happening now in The Invulnerable Vagrant next week.

SAM: Shopping episode!

TRAVIS: Protect Pumat! Protect Pumat!

TALIESIN: Oh, this is like full on Ballroom Blitz, we can actually, everything's a weapon.

MATT: Oh yeah.

TALIESIN: Everything, there's nothing in the-- oh, you don't! You don't!

LIAM: Yes, yes! We're going to fight. There's a map for the shop!

SAM: We're doing a combat cam for the end of the episode. Is sponsored by Dwarven Forge, check them out at dwarvenforge.com! Sponsoring the end of the episode!

MATT: Since you guys are--

ALL: Whoa!

MATT: -- fighting inside The Invulnerable Vagrant next week.

MARISHA: Oh my god!

MATT: So! We'll pick up on that, where's my chair?

TALIESIN: Fuck!

LAURA: So cool.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

MATT: Next Thursday. Until then, guys. Thank you so much for joining us. We love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night.

(dramatic music)