Transcript:Heredity and Hats

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
(cheering)

KEVIN: All right! (cheers) Welcome! Is my mic on? It's on, whoa, yeah, welcome to the very first inaugural premiere edition of Critical Role live! Guys, my name's Kevin. I am the social media director for Geek and Sundry– yes, thank you very much, I am indeed a very cool person. I've been with Geek and Sundry for about eight months now, it was really intimidating at first because I kept mixing up Vax and Vex. Yeah, I still mix up Vax and Vex. But okay, what I was going to say was that Critical Role fans are the warmest, most welcoming fans.

(cheering)

KEVIN: Yeah! Except for that guy. Right? But no, I love you guys, give yourselves a big hand, thank you so much.

(cheering)

KEVIN: I want you guys to know, this is our first time doing this, this is as I said the first inaugural premiere, they're all synonyms, right? So if you're like me you're extremely excited. But please remember that all the people at home are still watching, say hi to the people at home, hi people at home.

AUDIENCE: Hi!

KEVIN: Right? So please do me a favor, put your phones on silent, all right? The house lights are going to be kind of dim, so you can use your phones, you can tweet, you can do social media posts, whatever you want, if there's a Cubone somewhere please let me know, tweet at me. I need like ten Cubones. So yeah, just put everything on silent and be silent about it. You can tweet about the show, please use the hashtag #CriticalRoleLive, surprisingly enough. Do me another favor, don't do the concert pic thing where you put your phone up and record for ten minutes at a time, because there are people behind you, as you may or may not know, so I'd really appreciate that. The other thing is, this not a Rocky Horror thing, so don't shout out like, I would like to rage. Don't do that stuff, don't “how do you want to do this?” Don't do that stuff. Be respectful of the people on stage. Think of this as a funny play. You can laugh, you can woo, but maybe don't shout out suggestions. Especially the suggestions that I know a lot of you have in your heads, right? Wait, I have one other thing. There's a merch thing. The merch table's going to be open after the show, is that right? Yes. After the show, the merch table's going to be open, so if you didn't get a chance to get merch, you're going to get another chance to get merch, so don't worry about that. Is there something else? VIPs will get your posters after, so if you're a VIP, you'll get a poster, just come– where? Upstairs. Okay. Don't worry. Right. Thank you. Let's hear it for Claudia once again, guys.

(cheering)

KEVIN: All right, so, do you guys want to bring them out?

(cheering)

KEVIN: All right. Let's start with the master of dick-lightning and shit-scrying, playing Scanlan Shorthalt, Mr. Sam Riegel!

(cheering)

KEVIN: All right!

SAM: Thanks! You get a car! You get a car! You get a car!

KEVIN: Guys, get your tickets to the gun show, because the gun show's coming to town. Playing Percival Fredrickstein von Mussel Klossowski de Rolo III of Whitestone. Yeah, right, right. Taliesin, let's bring him out, Taliesin Jaffe!

(cheering)

KEVIN: Guys, put your hands together, put your antlers on your head, for Keyleth. Marisha Ray!

(cheering)

KEVIN: Is she here? She's so stealthy, I don't understand.

MARISHA: I'm an independent woman, all right?

TALIESIN: Never mind, I give up.

KEVIN: All right, let's bring out the man I have a massive man-crush on–

SAM: I'm already here!

KEVIN: Liam O'Brien as Vax'ildan!

(cheering)

LIAM: What the hell!

KEVIN: This next woman was stuffing exotic animals into tiny balls before it was cool. Laura Bailey as Vex'ahlia!

(cheering)

KEVIN: She's got the hipster glasses to prove it.

LAURA: Yeah, that's right. It's not for seeing at all, I don't…

KEVIN: And the next guy, the next guy, get out your tubs of mayo for Mr. Travis Willingham as Grog freaking Strongjaw!

(cheering and chanting)

KEVIN: All right, let's, let's bring it down. Guys, there are certain names that people whisper with reverence. Because those names belong to the breakthrough artists in their field. Jim Henson, Bob Dylan, Madame Curie.

(laughter)

KEVIN: Tonight we have one of those names with us. You may know him. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Matt Mercer.

(cheering)

MATT: Oh boy. That's a lot, that's a lot of people.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

MATT: All righty, let me shore up my positioning here on the camera for you fine folks and open my energy drink because that's what makes this show happen.

TRAVIS: Caffeine and drugs.

MATT: (shushing noises) Anyway, welcome everybody to our first Critical Role live, all of you folks there on the internet and everyone here in person in Los Angeles, California.

(cheering)

MATT: Welcome to Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors get together, roll dice, and play Dungeons and Dragons. Tonight we have a fantastic pick-up of last week's story where the adventuring party Vox Machina found themselves wandering through the Feywild. However, before that happens, let us get to our fantastic sponsor for the evening. Once again, this episode is brought to you by Loot Crate, they've been awesome. So thank you guys so much.

(cheering)

MATT: The current Loot Crate theme for July is Futuristic, includes a lot of awesome Rick and Morty, Futurama, Mega Man, Valiant Comic stuff, Star Trek, that fun element there. We've got music playing, it's on. Oh man, I feel like things are happening.

SAM: Music's working?

LAURA: Music works, you guys, music works.

MATT: There we go. Perfect. Tech stuff is coming together. Yeah, so Futuristic is their crate theme this month. We also have the anime Loot Crate is themed Squadron. Has a bunch of stuff from Gundam, Gate, Arpeggio of Blue Steel, Antimagic Academy, a lot of exclusive stuff, of course you guys can go ahead and get $3 off a subscription by going to lootcrate.com/criticalrole and putting in “criticalrole,” one word, in your nice little Loot Crate subscription bonus.

TRAVIS: I chew on Goku's head a lot. I'm a fixated– it's cool.

MATT: And the paint is actually healthy to eat, apparently. That's not at all the reason why Grog's intelligence is that low. So, if you haven't checked it out yet, check out Loot Crate, thank you guys so much for sponsoring our show, we love you. Great. So. Next up we have– we recently had a t-shirt contest, didn't we? Laura, if you want to take that away for me.

LAURA: Oh, this? Okay, so I get to announce who the official winner is?

MATT: You do, actually, yeah.

LAURA: Oh my gosh, this is so exciting. Okay. So the official winner of the first Critter contest is… Against the Chroma Conclave, designed by Antmageddon!

(cheering)

LAURA: So! As of right now, that shirt is available in the Geek and Sundry store for preorder. It's going to be there for I think two weeks? And it's available in sizes small through 3XL, which we're really excited about. And yeah, so that's that, so.

TRAVIS: Go get one!

LAURA: Go you guys for voting on that, you rock, even with shenanigans.

MATT: There were so many amazing contenders for that contest that the community puts out, so we–

MARISHA: And we got hacked, which means we made it.

MATT: Yay! Next announcement I have, when I arrived here I discovered that there was an actual PokeGym as a part of this mall, I'd like to ask Team Valor to go ahead and make sure that shit leaves red.

(cheering and booing)

TRAVIS: What a response!

LAURA: That was a mixed reaction.

MATT: Look, the whole San Fernando Valley's blue, okay, give me something! All right, anyway. Yeah, it's become a thing. And we have another cool announcement. Travis, do you want to take it away on that one?

TRAVIS: Yes we do, the response to this live event was so amazing that we are super stoked to announce that we are going to also be doing Critical Role live in Indianapolis during GenCon on August 6, Saturday night. Tickets will go on sale- I think they're on sale now.

LAURA: Right now.

TRAVIS: Right now, so if you want to like, silently on your phone or just ignore it because it's a much bigger venue, so tickets should be available, but we're all going to be in Indianapolis on Saturday night and GenCon to roll some dice with you bitches live.

(cheering)

MATT: Hell yeah. So if this wasn't nerve-wracking enough for me, we have another one in a couple of weeks.

TRAVIS: Pressure's on, dude, pressure's on!

MATT: But I'm super stoked, it's going to be my first time at GenCon, I've been wanting to go for many years and this is a nice way to go, I guess. So. Check it out. Hopefully we'll see you guys there. That brings us to the end of our announcements and will bring us down–

LAURA: Wait. Before we go into not-regular announcements, should we make sure that people know that we're not having an episode next week because of Comic-Con?

MATT: That's true, actually, yeah.

SAM: Way to bring down the room.

LAURA: I'm sorry, guys.

MATT: Because all the company, everyone's going to be at Comic-Con doing panels and scheduling and stuff, there will be no episode next week, but I promise that we'll make the episode the week after that extra cool.

(cheering)

MATT: I hope. So yeah, let's go ahead and dive into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

[dramatic music]

Part I
SAM: We're on!

(cheering)

MATT: All right, all right, we've got to do a story here! It's appreciated, but–

SAM: We should probably just finish.

MATT: All right, so, bringing us in now, back to tonight's episode of Critical Role. Guys, pay attention.

LIAM: Illithid syphilis.

MATT: The camera's already on.

LIAM: Yeah. Okay.

MATT: So. Our intrepid band of adventurers, Vox Machina, found themselves recently traversing the Feywild in search of another Vestige of Divergence. In doing so, they managed to find an old friend in the nymph Nahla, acquired some information, trading a book, and found their way towards the ever-shifting grasses northward in search of where the Divergence, the object of the Divergence lies. In doing so, they found a new ally, a new friend. A little satyr by the name of, where is it here–

ALL: Garmelie.

MATT: Garmelie, thank you. Now Garmelie, who had made some really interesting sketches of the party upon being caught was then dragged into Scanlan's magnificent mansion, at which Pike asked him to make a fantastic mural for the interior of that place, which I think still resides there to this day. And on the internet, as we've discovered. Upon traveling further north, hopefully to find their final destination in the form of the Shademirk Bog, where the Fenthras bow seemingly exists, you instead came upon Syngorn, the city from the youthful days of Vex and Vax. Upon speaking to the head– pardon me; you see, all the nerves gets the belching out. It works out well. Upon encountering Watcher Iova watching the gate, recognizing the twins, let them within the actual city of Syngorn. And that is where we left off. So, as you guys walk through the beautiful verdant city, tall seemingly endless trees around you, many buildings naturally formed and built from smoothly carved stone, various ancient sigils carved throughout the entire cityscape, the very heavy-armored Verdant Guard gathered in places, and a general air of intensity and building military might within the city of Syngorn, you have your invisible companion Garmelie, who at some point in the near future agreed to tell you what it is he wishes you to steal for him as part of the deal that was made by the twins. So. What would you like to do?

LIAM: I feel like I should be very stern right now, but I can't stop smiling.

TRAVIS: You're gloomy. Lock it up, here we go.

LAURA: I feel like the first thing we need to do is go see our father.

LIAM: Right off the bat?

LAURA: He's the one that's going to give us access to the rest of the city.

LIAM: All right. Is Iova still here, or has she trundled off?

MATT: She's walked off. She literally let you guys in the city and went, do what you've got to do, and then turned away and the rest of the guards–

LAURA: Oh seriously, so like… no, no the guard is following us.

LIAM: And we remember where we're going, right, because it's all the same as it was.

MATT: The city is the same as it was.

LIAM: Well, I imagine we'd go to his home. Our home. His home.

LAURA: What time is it? I mean, we don't know what time it is.

TALIESIN: It's dusk.

LAURA: Thank you, Percy.

SAM: But we just woke up.

LAURA: All right. Okay.

LIAM: Look at all those elves.

LAURA: So many elves.

TRAVIS: Is the little satyr– is he holding onto my skirts, basically?

MATT: You actually don't feel a general presence, and then as you move you feel a slight tug at your belt.

TRAVIS: Right, so can I like, how far away is that guard that's on our tail?

MATT: About 15, 20 feet back.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah. Can I like super slyly whisper, okay, so at any point are you going to tell us what it is you want us to fucking steal?

MATT: You hear a whispered voice that curls up by your ear, strangely given the fact that he's so small, so the voice is being thrown right into the side of your eardrum, goes, “Just be quiet! Find a place in which we can speak privately, and then I will be happy to tell you. Shh! Stop talking to the air; it upsets them.”

TRAVIS: It's really quite normal for me.

LAURA: Hey, Grog. You should really watch that gas of yours with him back there.

TRAVIS: Oh, you're so right. Hey, pull my finger. (fart sound)

MATT: (coughs)

TRAVIS: Yeah. That's the family reserve. Oh, he said we're supposed to find somewhere quiet to talk.

LIAM: Maybe we should do that first, actually.

LAURA: We have guards fucking following us. We have to go find our father.

TALIESIN: We also don't know where we're sleeping tonight, or whether or not it's even permissible. We should probably have a conversation with whoever's in charge. Is your father in charge?

LIAM: No.

LAURA: Ish.

TALIESIN: Ish.

LIAM: He's a bureaucrat.

TALIESIN: Excellent.

(laughter)

LIAM: All right, let's go see Dad, then.

MARISHA: (whispers) Grog.

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: (whispers) Your pants, they're sagging a little bit, why?

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: (whispers) They're sagging.

TRAVIS: Oh, it's like the new rage amongst the kids. It gives me super street cred.

MARISHA: Where's Garmelie?

LAURA: Keyleth, shut up about Garmelie!

TRAVIS: Yeah, ix-nay on the Garmelie– I think I'm doing Pig Latin wrong. Yeah.

LIAM: It's this way. And I start walking off towards Dad's house.

TALIESIN: I'm going to follow the twins.

SAM: Sounds good.

MARISHA: I look regal and as we pass elves I say, good day.

MATT: The few that look in your direction, Keyleth, take a moment to nod, look you over and then continue walking, seemingly perturbed by the sudden interaction and the immediate realization that you're not of full blood.

LAURA: Yeah, sorry Keyleth, your ears aren't large enough.

MARISHA: That's not normally what people tell me.

SAM: It's not the size of your ears…

MARISHA: That's right.

MATT: So. As you guys continue following Vax'ildan towards the abode of their father, you keep an eye out towards the rest of Syngorn proper. You see the further into the city you go, interspersed with a few Emon guards, you see a handful of individuals that are human, and they're dressed in the actual attire of the guards of Emon, and they're intermingling right now with the Verdant Guard, the military might within Syngorn.

MARISHA: What were the name of the guards in Emon? Did they have a name?

MATT: The Emon guard.

MARISHA: Yeah, totally.

MATT: There is a name, and it's somewhere in my notes but we're good.

TALIESIN: From this perspective, I can see your panic folder. It's so exciting. That's where the magic happens.

MARISHA: Yeah, that's true, we never really see that!

TALIESIN: This is exciting for us.

(laughter)

MATT: So. You guys continue making your way towards the abode. After traversing on the outskirts of what would be the tangleward side of the city, the eastern side, you travel in through an area of buildings that are very beautifully crafted, many of which seem to have stemmed from some sort of a tree growth, but upon closer look you can see that it's actually carved stone to resemble a tree. And then it eventually rises up into a somewhat spherical building, and there are many that build off of that to create this kind of neighborhood of various elven abodes within Syngorn.

LIAM: Fucking hate this place.

LAURA: Me, too. It's hideous.

MARISHA: This is gorgeous. Look at the craftsmanship. It's incredible.

SAM: Good day.

MARISHA: Good day.

MATT: You make your way towards the end of this particular–

(laughter)

MATT: The guards still keeping track behind you. You find your way to the end of the main road, and it splits into two smaller avenues. You know to take the left that leads deeper into the more political family houses of Syngorn. While your family is not a political house per se, your father, as an ambassador to Emon, was given a home in this location. It is your old home, although it appears to have been even further renovated and is much nicer than you remember, but the door is closed and the dusk sun leads you to pause as you look upon the outside of this abode you have not seen in many, many years.

SAM: Do you want me to burn it down?

LAURA: Yes.

TRAVIS: No, just seriously, you seem super gloomy. Are we getting in a fight?

LAURA: No. No fights.

MATT: The guards now step up and flank a little bit, keeping a close eye as you've now approached and effectively knocked on the handle of a relatively middle-to-high-ranking individual within Syngorean society. Eventually the door opens and you see a woman standing there: bright blonde hair, braided and tied up in the back. She's wearing more of a work-gown for the day. You recognize her as Devana, the new wife of Syldor, the one that you had once met before in Emon when you guys came upon your father last time. As the door opens up, she looks out for a second, taking in the whole group that has gathered on the outside of their home and goes, “My god. Vax'ildan, Vex'ahlia, we weren't expecting you!”

LAURA: No. I can't imagine you were. Is he here?

MATT: “He is.”

LAURA: What time is it?

MATT: She glances out, looks up. “That's always a good question. The longer we stay in these realms, the more confused my daughter becomes.”

LIAM: How long has that been?

MATT: “Weeks now, I assume. Best that our timepieces can keep.”

LAURA: Is Velora around?

MATT: “She is, would you like to see her?”

LAURA: Of course.

MATT: “Come in. Is it just you two?”

LAURA and LIAM: No.

LAURA: It's everyone.

TRAVIS: Hi.

LAURA: And Trinket, you remember Trinket.

MATT: (bear noises) Nudges your arm to the side and comes forward and sniffs out to Devana. She shrinks back a little bit and reaches her hand out to the nose and taps the edge of Trinket's face, and Trinket licks her fingers.

MARISHA: Good day.

SAM: Good day.

MARISHA: Good day. They respond better if you say “good day” and if you have your head up.

TRAVIS: If we say “bidet?”

MARISHA: Bidet, yes. Good day.

TRAVIS: Bidet.

TALIESIN: So close. So very close.

MATT: The two guards closest to you, within their helmets their eyes narrow, they look at each other and shake their heads.

TRAVIS: Oh, bidet.

LIAM: Your accent is perfect. Don't change a thing.

MATT: Devana goes, “Very well. If you would all proceed to be quiet if you could, Syldor is working. And you may stay outside,” she says to the guards. And they both, “We were given orders, milady, to–” “I understand that. But this is already a lot of people in our home. Stay close within earshot, it'll be fine. I trust them.” The guards, (sighs)--

LAURA: I wink at them as I walk inside.

MATT: No reaction whatsoever. You guys make your way into the home and are immediately caught with a very strong smell of cedar. It's a very pleasant-smelling home, and the hearth is warm. It's everything you wanted your home to be, and it immediately hits you to walk in here and see this kind of life away from a life, seeing elements of it that remind you of your childhood, things about it that flag memories to your head of good times and bad, in just a few mere moments. And at that same time, there's a sadness because so much of it has changed, so much of it seems better than the memory. And for a moment there, you feel a little tinge of wondering how different it might've been. At which point that thought process is broken as Devana steps in and goes, “Would anyone like tea, perhaps?”

SAM: Sure, yes, do you have an oolong?

MARISHA: Maybe a chamomile, it would be great.

MATT: “Something like that, yes. It's been a little scarce in the Feywilds. More difficult to farm herbs here than you'd think.”

MARISHA: Oh, here. I pull out some herbs that I brought from my garden. Some glisfoil and other things.

MATT: “Thank you. Appreciate that.”

MARISHA: They won't scream at you when you pick them. Good. It's good.

MATT: “Thank you. What was your name again?”

MARISHA: Oh, I'm Keyleth of the Ashari.

MATT: “A pleasure to meet you again–”

MARISHA: Good day.

MATT: “That's, that's really not necessary in my home. You, sir, your name?”

TALIESIN: Whatever's available would be just fine.

SAM and MARISHA: I think she means your name.

MATT: “That's a curious title.”

MARISHA: But you can call him whatever's available, as well.

MATT: “Very well, coffee table. What's your name?”

(laughter)

LIAM: It's easier than the actual name.

TALIESIN: For you, it is just Percival, and I am another visiting royal from man's world.

MATT: “All right. You, sir?”

SAM: I am called the Kingslayer, Chuck Norris, Burt Reynolds. I have many names. You see, when you've traveled a road as long as I have–

MATT: “Black tea, got it. And you, sir, the large one?”

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah. Bidet. The name is Grog.

MATT: “Very well. I'll return with Syldor once he knows you're here. It may be a while if you don't mind waiting, but the tea will come out posthaste.”

LAURA: And Velora? Where's she?

MATT: “Let me get her for you, she'll be very like to see both of you, she asks from time to time.” She brushes a little lock of hair that's fallen in front of her face behind her ear, and smiles and darts off towards the kitchen. A few moments pass with you guys sitting in awkward silence, looking about the space in the vicinity. Looks to the twins. Eventually Devana comes out and sets tea for all of you across the central table in this meeting area, and behind her you see, clutching the edge of the skirt, you see this tiny, long brown hair that is braided, but the braid's coming undone, tomboyish looking elven girl that peeks around the side of her dress and hides again behind the back.

[high-pitched noise]

MATT: Welcome back, sorry about that.

(cheering)

SAM: What a battle!

MATT: The technical aspects. We're working through it, but we got through it, thank you for your patience. So the last few minutes, we're not quite sure how much you guys may have missed, but the party wiped. We're rolling up new characters. No, for the Monday episode we'll go ahead and make sure to splice in anything that may have been missed for the past minute. But the party had come to the home of Syldor, the father of Vax and Vex. They had a brief discussion with Devana, his new wife. They were given tea after introductions and then briefly discussed the merits of being a warrior with their half-sister Velora Vessar, and upon discussing apparently a war of some kind, Syldor made his way into the room, and you look and you see the long dark hair of Syldor, his pale complexion, his stern face, staring back at you all from within the doorway as he closes it behind him and steps into the room. You see Devana sits up now and comes over to him and says, “My dear, would you like us to leave you alone?” He goes, “Don't worry, it will be fine. Have a seat. Besides, we're all family. Well, some of us, at least.” And he looks over to Grog.

TRAVIS: Bidet.

(laughter)

MATT: “Good day, indeed.” He comes up and sits, and he's wearing long, dark brown robes with golden and red embroidery on the side, but it's very casual home wear, and he sits down, pulling up a chair across from you guys in this area, and takes one of the cups of tea and sips it. And you can see there's an intensity to his face. He's here, and he looks like he's partially inconvenienced by your presence like he always did, but he also looks like he hasn't slept well, there's some dark circles under his eyes and he seems a little distracted for such a climactic re-meeting.

LAURA: Surprise!

MATT: “Surprise, indeed. So. It's good to see you both. Glad you're in good health. You've come quite a ways to come speak with me, being as we currently reside within the Feywild.”

LIAM: It's a little bit further than we thought we'd have to travel, why… the presence around the city we're seeing? We understand why you fled, but what's going on?

MATT: “Look. We had the entire Fort Daxio army down here and we were to give aid to push into the nearby mountain range where apparently there was an influx of lizardfolk, had been a continuous problem, and apparently a break had been seen somewhere. However, we had sent most of our forces into the mountain range and then received word that three great drakes were making their way straight toward Syngorn after the destruction of Emon. Knowing that, we had no recourse but to flee and prepare when it was time. Had we stood our ground, we would be the same burning crater that your fair city is now.”

LAURA: So you intend to go back? You're amassing this army to go back and join the fight.

MATT: “That is exactly what we're doing. The remnants of the Emon army we currently have here in the city, we've been building armor and weapons to make sure the most sure-footed and strong-of-arm men and women of our fair city can make it to that battlefield and tear that beast down.”

LAURA: That's wonderful news.

MATT: “Good. Why are you here?”

TALIESIN: We are here on a very similar range of business, to be honest.

MATT: “And you are?”

TALIESIN: Ah, yes. Percival Fredrickstein von Mussel Klossowski de Rolo III of the royal house of Whitestone, representative of man's world, here on very important business dealing with dragons. We are looking for some objects: a few things that may help us in our fight against these dragons that have attacked us. We've already made headway against them, and we've already made headway on our quest to destroy them. Any help that your wonderful city could provide would be most agreeable.

MATT: “Well. We currently have all of our resources engaged in our plans of attack. There is not much we could offer you other than, if you wish to stay here within the city, we could provide a place to sleep, food, and when the time is right you may join our ranks into the fray.”

LIAM: We've come to the Feywild for something specific.

MARISHA: We're trying to head to the Shademirk Bog.

MATT: “Why on earth would you be heading to the Shademirk?”

MARISHA: We're looking for the bow of Fenthras. It supposedly lives inside of a cancerous tree.

MATT: “Right. Well. Good luck with that.”

LAURA: Do you think it's possible?

MATT: “I think it's a fool's errand to chase a fleeting rumor into a location that is known to devour and destroy anyone who steps within its bounds. But by all means, you've always been ones seeking the darkness.”

LIAM: He and I are wearing fleeting rumors. That one's got one hidden up his butt.

(laughter)

MATT: You hear Velora chuckle. Devana's like, “Shh! Quiet!”

LAURA: I want to pull Velora over and sit her in my lap.

MATT: She (raspberry noise) at her mom as you pick her up there. You can see Devana smiles as she does so.

LIAM: Syldor, we have killed two of these dragons already. Nothing could please me more to hear that you are amassing forces here to go back; that is possibly the greatest thing I've ever heard you say to me.

LAURA: I want to insight check him and see if he's really saying–

TRAVIS: Yeah, do that shit!

MATT: Roll an insight check.

LIAM: Him or me?

LAURA: 26 on him!

MATT: All right. I'd whisper, but the microphone makes it useless. It's fine. He appears tired, he appears like a lot of his intention and time has been put towards something important–

LAURA: Being a giant dick?

MATT: Possibly. But he doesn't appear to be lying or fudging the truth at all, he's just tired. He says, “Look. There are a lot of pieces at work here. If you have your own path, by all means. And while I have heard of some of your exploits, and I am quite impressed, I hate to be blunt, but it's difficult and strange to mingle family new and old. Your presence here brings up difficult memories for me.”

LAURA: Oh, you poor man.

LIAM: Don't worry. We're not here to look for family. That would entail some amount of investment on either our side or yours. There is clearly none. We are here to do business. Do you know where the bog is?

MATT: “Yes. It's duskward of here.”

SAM: Duskward.

TRAVIS: Fucking shit.

LIAM: Well, some people go this way, and some people go that way, and some people go both ways.

MARISHA: It's like being on a ship forever.

MATT: “I have not traversed this land extensively. I've been here working along with the heads of the city to make sure we are ready for this attack.”

LAURA: When do you plan to attack?

MATT: “A few weeks.”

LAURA: You're joining other armies. You don't plan to fight Thordak on your own?

MATT: “Well. There is an attempt to join up with the remnants of the Fort Daxio force. They have not gone to Emon themselves and they currently reside camped out near where Syngorn usually is. We have a few groups that are set on the other side of the veil in the prime realm and they are keeping an eye out for this. A few scouting parties are in Emon as we speak, trying to gather intel on Thordak himself. Once we have that information and we can formulate what to expect, then we can attack.”

MARISHA: So you're trying to go after Thordak himself. That's your first target, Thordak?

MATT: “He's currently the largest threat to our safety, our home, and our return. Don't think this is the first time a red dragon of that size has been felled. There have been ancient ages of various deaths from his people. It's not impossible, but we need to be ready.”

TRAVIS: Just a heads-up, pro tip: dragons can fly.

(laughter)

MATT: “And I take it you're their leader.”

TRAVIS: Of the dragons?

(laughter)

MATT: He very slowly sighs while grabbing his tea.

TRAVIS: I've clearly lost your father. It's all right.

LAURA: His intelligence is very low, Grog.

TALIESIN: In the interest of dealing with Thordak, we are going to need access to libraries, any of your people who may know something about this bog, and accommodations befitting those of us who are titled.

SAM: As well as access to certain parts of the city. We need some items to acquire within the city before we set out.

MARISHA: Also, it would be nice to find shelter for those of us who are not titled.

SAM: And I had asked for an oolong tea.

(laughter)

SAM: This is more of an assam, I would say? A black tea.

TALIESIN: This is technically what you do, though, isn't it?

MATT: Devana says, “I'm terribly sorry, I didn't mean that–”

MARISHA: No, not you.

MATT: Syldor crosses his fingers together and, “I can give you a letter that will grant you entry to a few of our general storehouses. However, most of you are outsiders and others have been ostracized in their own right.”

TALIESIN: But you will respect titled entry. Those of us who are court can converse with court.

MATT: “Your title, your court, is unfamiliar with me. I doubt it will hold sway within this town, this city, this entire realm. But you speak of great importance, are you the leader of this troop, he who brings up words of courts and titles?”

TALIESIN: For the moment, why not? I will say, I know the Feywild by reputation, and by reputation you are known for your manners, and any kingdom should be measured by manners as the currency that is the easiest to come across.

MATT: “Manners, by the way, are extremely effective in times of peace. This is not one of those times. However, I appreciate that you at least acknowledge the way things sometimes work. So. Daughter. Son. What else do you need of me?”

LIAM: Honestly? Nothing.

LAURA: We don't need or want anything from you.

MATT: “Yet you still came to my home.”

LAURA: Oh, well. Yeah. We got what we wanted, which is access to the city.

LIAM: We're not here to be friends or rekindle anything, but it seems like we want the same thing, in a roundabout way. We want to end these dragons. We want to return the world to what it once was. Any help you can give in spite of our past, in spite of all the bullshit between us will be appreciated by more than just she and I.

LAURA: We know you have no love for us. Think of those you do love. And I hug Velora. Don't you want to make her safe?

MATT: “That's exactly what I intend to do. If you wish to help in that, then so be it. I'll pull what I can within the city. (sighs) Just leave me to my business, please.” You see for a moment there, for all the facade, all the front that he puts up, that strong distance facade, you see the fatigue break through, and there's a, like a dark heartbreak. “This is a greater threat than we've ever faced in our lifetime, and many of those in this city have lived quite a while. We have to do things right. Don't be foolish. Too many lives have been lost at the hands of these dragons, some closer than others.”

LAURA: Do you know of anyone that has traversed more of the Feywild, that would know of what we might expect?

MATT: “One who's seen the most would be the High Warden. I could probably get you passage to see her, but you're going to be heavily guarded.” You guys do know the High Warden, Tyrelda is her name, and she is actually of the bloodline of Gynlara who founded Syngorn centuries ago. She currently is essentially the de facto leader, though in terms of public, she is the final decision-maker on most of Syngorn's political and social endeavors. “Will that suffice?”

LIAM: It will.

LAURA: It will.

SAM: Good day.

MARISHA: Good day.

(laughter)

MATT: “Curious manners, your friends.” He takes his tea and pours another cupful, and leans back in his chair. “Two dragons you say you've killed.”

LIAM: That's right.

LAURA: More than that, isn't it?

TRAVIS: Of the Conclave.

LAURA: Of the Conclave, we've killed two.

MATT: “Which ones?”

LAURA: Umbrasyl. And. What was the other one?

LIAM: Blitzen?

LAURA: Blitzen, Donner? What was the name of the other one? Oh, it was General Krieg!

MARISHA: Yeah, that one.

LAURA: The blue one.

MARISHA: And then we've also killed a white one.

SAM: We thought so little of him we didn't even remember his name.

(laughter)

LIAM: Brimscythe?

MARISHA: Brimscythe. That's the one.

SAM: But also we respect him enough to learn his name.

MATT: “Well, your story has charm. I have to admit, I have gotten word of at least one dragon felled on the other side.”

MARISHA: I pull out a dragon's tooth from Umbrasyl out of my pocket and I toss it to him. That's the result of the doings of your children. You should be very proud.

MATT: “I am proud. I. Am proud. But the city lives differently. Understand the difficulty that your presence puts upon our family with you being here. I mean no disrespect, and it's fine in this trying time. But while you two may have undergone much ridicule in your youth, I saved you from the brunt of it.”

LAURA: You– headphones, dear– you fucked some random woman in a city you passed through, and you expect us to feel sorry for you?

LIAM: You should've left us to be with our mother when she died!

LAURA: Why? Why pull us away from her if you had no love? We would have been happy with her.

MATT: “Because I had hope that you would be worth more, given that you had my blood in your veins, than to waste away in some small hovel.”

LAURA: If I could pull the blood of you from my veins and give it back, I would. I want no part of you.

MATT: “There are many things we wish for but we have no choice but to take what we are given and make the best with what we have. Even with this rift, there is still a part of me that cares for you both and is genuinely happy that you live. And that you rise. And that you prove what the rest of these fools in this city said you were incapable of. Yes, I am prejudiced. But I still fight it every day. And I'm not going to lie, every time that my daughter, your half-sister, laughs and plays stealthy Vax and Vex on her own, it makes me smile. You inspire those outside of our city walls with your doings. I think that's rather large of you. As foolish and as damned deadly as some of these endeavors may be, you inspire. That's more than I've done in my lifetime. So. Care not what I think. Care not how your mother died. Just avenge it. For both of us. Show your little sister that you can rise up and destroy whatever comes in your way. Hate me all you want. It's only half-scorn from me. I live with my regrets. I tried to bring you up right. But that upbringing was not right for you. And by the time I tried to return you, it was too late. I'm sorry. That's all I can say.” Devana goes, “Anyone want any more tea? Oolong, you said.”

SAM: You got it!

MATT: “Right, yes.” And she leaves, awkwardly.

TRAVIS: Just so you know, what they did against the dragons was incredible. All of the rest of us were like, “Ah! Oh, we're dying! We don't have anything we can do!” And then they were like “Kill! Stab!” And then–

MARISHA: Percy! No, don't die!

TALIESIN: What are you doing?

MARISHA: I'm being blood out of your jugular, just go with it.

TRAVIS: And then they killed them all! It's the only reason we're alive, really.

SAM: It's true. Vax wanted to go inside the dragon, I was like, no! No, let's do it!

(laughter)

SAM: Cut his way out, went back and saved me. Crazy.

MATT: “That does indeed sound quite crazy.”

TRAVIS: I mean, the balls on this one– this one.

MATT: “Let's be honest, Grog. They both have–”

TRAVIS: Lord Grog Peanut Butter of Strongjaw. I'm titled.

MATT: “I'd say they've both proven to have more balls than most of those in our city.”

LIAM: Look, we're never going to be a happy family.

MATT: “No. That is right.”

LIAM: But if you want to make reparations, help us on our path. It will only help you on yours.

MATT: He stands up from his chair and walks his way back to his study and closes the door behind him.

LAURA: Well, fuck. Guess he's not into us now.

TRAVIS: I thought we weren't getting in a fight!

TALIESIN: No, this is good.

SAM: Do you want me to take a dump somewhere?

TALIESIN: Not yet.

LAURA: Oh, headphones, darling.

SAM: Oh, sorry.

MATT: She pulls your hand down, looks at you, says, “Take a dump!”

LAURA: Oh, shit. I mean, shoot!

MATT: “I like him.”

SAM: That's gnomish. Doesn't mean the same thing.

MATT: She's now transfixed on Scanlan.

LAURA: Darling, he takes blue sparkly poos!

MATT: “Blue sparkle poos? Can you teach me?”

(laughter)

SAM: Do you have any blueberries?

MATT: “I'm going to ask my mom if we've got blueberries.”

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

MATT: She runs off to the kitchen. A few minutes pass, and Devana comes out holding the tea on the cart and goes, “Who taught my daughter to say 'blue sparkly poo?'”

LAURA: I don't know what you're talking about.

MARISHA: Is that a swear word?

LAURA: You should really control the people in this city from talking about that, because it's weird.

SAM: She got it at preschool.

TALIESIN: So many soldiers everywhere.

MATT: “Velora, go to your room.”

MARISHA: I've never heard a soldier say, “Ah, blue sparkly poo!” I feel like she didn't get that from a soldier.

TALIESIN: You've never really been in war, have you?

MATT: The door opens from the far study, and you see Syldor walk back in holding what looks to be a rolled-up piece of paper with a seal on it. He heads over and tosses it onto the table. “That will grant you passage through the city. That will grant you a single meeting with the High Warden. That's the most my power can do at this time.”

LAURA: This is a belt buckle, why are you passing me this?

LIAM: (stage-whispering) We're playing pretend.

LAURA: Okay, oh, it's a sealed scroll now.

TALIESIN: May I see that really quickly? Don't throw it! Pretend!

MARISHA: Pretend. I'm pretend handing it off.

SAM: Ooh, good object work.

LIAM: Now get in the canoe!

LAURA: Yes, yes.

TALIESIN: Right, they're all elves. I can't look at them.

SAM: Oh, it flew away!

TALIESIN: This grants an audience for all of us, then?

MATT: “Yes.”

TALIESIN: You're going to have to amend that one name, though, just to be fair. It's Lady Vex'ahlia.

MATT: “Lady?”

TALIESIN: Lady Vex'ahlia, Baroness of the Third House of Whitestone and Grand Mistress of the Grey Hunt.

(cheering)

TALIESIN: So good sir, despite your relationship with her, do watch your manners.

SAM: Tea spit take!

MATT: “My apologies, Lady Vex'ahlia.”

LAURA: Well, you didn't know.

(laughter)

MATT: You can see, there's confused surprise, but a smile does curl across the corner of his mouth. “I will make the amendment immediately.” And he stands back up, takes it from Percival and makes his way back to the room.

LIAM: Darth Vader.

MATT: He returns, hands you the amended paper. “Good luck.”

LAURA: This is a belt buckle– oh.

(laughter)

MATT: It's a gift from your mother.

TRAVIS: You should thank Percy.

MATT: “If you do intend to make your way towards the Shademirk, be careful. Be safe. And if anything comes your way that you feel you are incapable of handling, run. We don't need heroes right now, we need survivors.”

TRAVIS: No promises?

MATT: He shoots you a very dark look.

TRAVIS: Right. Sorry. The House of Peanut Butter will continue its bloodline. I don't know.

MATT: “I will send word. Where can I send word to retrieve you when the time is ready for us to attack?”

SAM: Do we have accommodations in the city?

LAURA: Yes, but we'll be in Whitestone.

MATT: “I will send word to Whitestone when we plan to return to the Prime Material, and preparing our forces for attack upon Thordak in Emon.”

MARISHA: If not, reach out to Allura of Emon.

MATT: “I know Allura well, and I can reach to her.”

MARISHA: I had a feeling you did.

(laughter)

SAM: Are you hitting on their dad?

MATT: “Anyway.”

MARISHA: Does everything look like hitting on people to you, Scanlan?

SAM: It does.

MATT: It's the Scanlan filter. It's on Snapchat.

MARISHA: Take off the beer goggles, take them off! Those are plus-two magical beer goggles. Take them off!

MATT: He stands up and at this point Devana enters beside him, puts her hand on his shoulder. He looks to you with his hands crossed before him and goes, “I wish you luck and safe journeys. I appreciate you coming by. It was good to see you both.”

LIAM: Where did our sister go?

MATT: Turns and Devana goes, “She's in her room for using bad language.”

LAURA: Poo is a really terrible word to say, I think. Good thing she didn't say any of the other words that she heard in here.

MATT: “Hold on.” And she leaves and comes back, this time pushing Velora from the back, and Velora walks up pouting with her arms crossed, holding her little owlbear under her arm.

LIAM: Come here.

MATT: She runs up and gives you a big hug. “Are you leaving?”

LIAM: Yeah, just for a little bit, though.

MATT: “You just got here!”

LIAM: I know. Listen, do me a favor? Keep scraping up those knees, will you? You crawl anywhere you want in this city, the higher the better. And listen to your parents some of the time. But not all of the time.

MATT: “I can already do that.”

LAURA: Oh, and!

MATT: She gives you a little kiss on the cheek and then runs up and puts her arms around you and almost pushes you back, she's bigger than you remember.

LAURA: She is. I pull out one of my owlbear feathers that I picked up with Zahra and I tuck it behind her ear.

MATT: “What's this?”

LAURA: It's an owlbear feather. I know!

(laughter)

MATT: She steps back down and looks at her little plushie and–

LAURA: You keep that behind your ear, and you wear your necklace, and you never forget that Vex and Vax love you very, very much, dear.

LIAM: Listen to us. You are not our half-sister. You are our sister.

MATT: She runs up and hugs you both, one in each arm, and then steps back down. “Thank you. Come back soon, please!”

LAURA: Of course, come visit me in my baroness… isity.

MATT: She runs back to her mom's side and looks at her mom and goes, “Poo.”

(laughter)

MATT: Devana rolls her eyes and goes, “Ugh. Thank you. So much.”

LIAM: Shit's a good word, too.

MATT: Covers her ears.

TRAVIS: Are we doing that now? Penis wiggle!

(laughter)

MATT: You see Devana's looking cornered, it's like, (shushing noises). Syldor actually starts laughing. “I hope that's good day, then!”

SAM: Good day.

LAURA: Good day.

TRAVIS: Bidet.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Good day.

MATT: “Good day.” And Syldor bows, you all slowly leave the door, and right before the door closes behind you hear a little voice go, “Shit.”

(laughter)

MATT: “No!” The door closes.

MARISHA: We're those terrible-influence side of the family, aren't we?

LAURA: I run up and I give Percy the biggest hug. Percival!

TALIESIN: It's the gift of smugness, it never goes away.

LAURA: Wait, is it real– no. Was it all just to–

TALIESIN: No, I actually, it occurs to me that we did kill two of the three barons of Whitestone the last time that we were there.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: There's no house and there's no money–

MARISHA: It's the one Scanlan burned.

TALIESIN: It's the one that Scanlan burned.

SAM: Oh, you're the lady of the house that I burned down.

TALIESIN: And there's just a crypt and that's being used for other things, but–

MARISHA: But you have a title!

TALIESIN: But you do have a title, at the very least. And once a year, you have to do something ridiculous.

LAURA: Even so, Percy.

TALIESIN: You're welcome.

LAURA: I thank you so much.

TALIESIN: Use it in good health.

TRAVIS: I lean over to Scanlan and I say, did you notice that their dad was saying “bidet” wrong?

SAM: I did. I did.

TRAVIS: I thought he was like a highfalutin type.

SAM: You should just say it even louder to make sure people know the correct pronunciation.

TRAVIS: I know. We could be a force for good in and outside of the city. Bidet!

SAM: Bidet!

MATT: The guards that are waiting for you outside of the house just sigh very loudly. (sighs)

TRAVIS: Change is hard.

MATT: All right, so you have your parchment. Within the next half-hour or so it's not difficult for you guys to go ahead and find sleeping arrangements for the evening within Syngorn. You're met for the most part with standoffishness and curiosity with your approach, but upon showing the paper there is a sudden realization and a formality that is brought to the conversation, and it's, you can't help but enjoy it, the two of you. You haven't walked through Syngorn and been forcing people to show you the respect you've always wanted, and there is something slightly cathartic about that. But you manage to find accommodations for the evening's rest. The guards proceed up into the secondary floor where your room is kept. Will not enter the room, but notify you that they will be staying outside of the doorway to ensure that both you are protected and that you don't do anything crazy in the night.

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: That's stupid.

MARISHA: We're respectable.

TALIESIN: It's adorable that they think they could stop us if we tried.

MARISHA: I know! Are we all in rooms next to each other, are we in one room?

MATT: It's a series of rooms within what looks like it was at one time a military barracks that has since been renovated. It's not really an inn or tavern; there aren't a lot of travelers that come through Syngorn that don't actually live there or have a home, so it's more being used for storage, but they cleared out an area and they put up beds and it looks– Syngorn storage room is pretty nice by the standards of like Kymal or Westruun, so it's not too bad.

TALIESIN: There's some art nouveau happening. That's all I can really ask.

MARISHA: Have they already locked us in our rooms?

MATT: No, you've just gotten to your rooms now, so.

TRAVIS: We're a very religious group and we like to have a family prayer.

LAURA: Speaking of, wait. Where the fuck is Pike?

SAM: Oh shit.

MARISHA: She was right behind us!

MATT: You all, you all realize in the chaos and the tension of meeting your father–

LIAM: Must've gotten lost!

TRAVIS: No, she's here.

MATT: You catch a sudden flicker of divine energy in the space of the hallway near you. The guards step back, looking a bit freaked out and grabbing their weaponry, and you see a burst of Pike's face coming through, her divine form, and she says, “I'm sorry–” (static) Disappears, comes back. “The walls–can't maintain–” And her form vanishes once again.

TRAVIS: Fucking Verizon.

(laughter)

LAURA: Great, now we'll never have them as a sponsor. Thank you, Travis.

LIAM: Go T-Mobile.

MATT: Go AT– No.

MARISHA: So can we have like a little family pow-wow in maybe one of the rooms before we all tuck in for the night and you put the masking tape over each of our doors so we don't sneak into each other's rooms. High school field trip, yeah?

SAM: I don't know any of those words.

MATT: “Do as you wish, we'll be here if you need us.”

TRAVIS: Do you need anything, drinks?

SAM: We need to talk to the little fucker.

TRAVIS: Then– oh, what? Oh, yeah! Well, let's all head inside for prayer.

LAURA: Actually–

TALIESIN: We'll need food and drink.

LAURA: Guard! One of you, could you go get us some food? We're very hungry.

MARISHA: And wine? Maybe some wine?

LAURA: As a baroness, I'm very used to getting food when I want it.

MATT: One of the guards steps forward and says, “Let me see that parchment once more, please?”

TRAVIS: That's not it.

MATT: That's a belt buckle.

(laughter)

LIAM: My belt buckle!

MATT: Rolls it back up, hands it back. “I will retrieve your necessary meal, drink, and other requests you may have.”

LIAM: Chicken, please.

LAURA: Thank you. I want anything but chicken.

MATT: “Noted and noted.” And he turns around and leaves the three other guards standing outside of your rooms to do about as you please.

SAM: Right, so we pick the biggest room and we all enter it.

MATT: It's a two-bedroom, opposite sides, and there is a window that has a beautiful view of the central lake that sits at the center of Syngorn, the entire city's built around, before it meets the base of the mountain range that it's buttressed against.

SAM: Titicaca.

MATT: That sounds Elvish, but it's not.

SAM: No, I just like saying that.

MATT: Door closes behind you guys.

TRAVIS: Gormidi?

MATT: There's a little flash, a sparkle of arcane light as the satyr form goes, (breathes heavily) “That was a little harrowing. You didn't tell me you were going to bring me into the belly of the beast so soon, we didn't even talk about– that was really good tea, by the way; that was quite delicious.”

TALIESIN: You were drinking our tea?

MATT: “Very quietly.”

MARISHA: I was wondering where my tea went.

TRAVIS: Now, hold on. Did you steal anything while you were in there?

MATT: “No!”

MARISHA: Garmelie…

MATT: “No!”

SAM: Insight-check him.

TRAVIS: Insight-check that bitch!

SAM: Natural one.

(laughter)

MATT: He is about as hard to read as anyone you've come across in the Feywild.

MARISHA: Can I try?

MATT: Sure.

LAURA: I feel like we don't need an insight check to know he was lying.

MARISHA: Oh, I got a 17. I'm way more better than Scanlan. Natural insight. 28.

MATT: 28. Through his teeth.

MARISHA: I do a little entangling underneath of him and start checking his pockets, TSA style. Start giving him the frisk.

MATT: These vines wrap up around his legs and he's like, “Oh, I was just!”

MARISHA: Into the pockets.

TRAVIS: Just let it happen.

LAURA: Where are the pockets?

MATT: In his vest.

MARISHA: In his vest pockets.

TALIESIN: There better not be an owlbear in there or I'm going to be very upset.

MATT: No, you reach into one pocket, it's empty. You reach into the other, and your arm goes quite far into the pocket, farther than it should–

MARISHA: You little devil.

MATT: “What? This is extremely degrading! We had a deal.” It's empty.

MARISHA: Is this a pocket of holding? I think about the fancy silverware that I might've seen in Syldor's house.

MATT: Nothing. Just an empty space.

TRAVIS: Come on, keep going.

MARISHA: I think of fancy teacups, because he mentioned drinking tea.

MATT: (melodically) Nothing!

MARISHA: Goddamn it.

TRAVIS: You've never stolen anything, shit!

LAURA: Think of gold. Think of gold, Keyleth.

TALIESIN: I cast Friends.

MARISHA: I think of gold? Oh, I think of gold. Sorry, I'm not materialistic.

TALIESIN: We're going to have to have a working relationship.

LAURA: Why do you say that like it was a bad thing?

MARISHA: I mean, I'm not. I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world.

(laughter)

MATT: He smacks the side of your arm and is like, “Get your hand out of my pocket!”

MARISHA: Ow!

LIAM: Keyleth. Check the fur.

LAURA: No, don't check the fur.

MATT: “Excuse me?!”

TALIESIN: Let's give him a chance to 'fess up.

MATT: “This is not why we're here to talk. We are here to discuss the elements of our agreement. Two things I require your aid in taking, and then I show you to the outskirts of the Shademirk.”

LAURA: I feel like now we already know where the outskirts of the Shademirk are.

MATT: “But do you know of the dangers that are on your way?”

SAM: Yeah, you told us about all three dangers that we have to face.

MARISHA: That's true. I have them written down.

(laughter)

MARISHA: The Hut of Wodenna, the Last Camp of Sorudun the Happy, and the theatre.

MATT: “And you think those are all the dangers?! There are so many! It's a dangerous place! Stop touching me!”

TRAVIS: All right, hands off him.

SAM: Just tell us what the two things are we that we need to steal.

MATT: “All right. I require a piece of a threshold crest.”

LAURA: What the fuck is that?

MARISHA: Of a threshold crest?

LIAM: Giant stones on the outside of the city.

MATT: “Threshold crest.” Which you recall are the blue stones that are in the wall around the city.

LAURA: That's the stupidest thing.

MARISHA: Oh no!

MATT: “Why is that stupid?”

LAURA: Because then they can't go back!

MATT: “You don't have to get it from the wall. I'm sure they build it from something and there might be a reserve somewhere.”

MARISHA: Right, in the other dimension that they came from. You realize Syngorn didn't originate here in the Feywild, right?

MATT: “I understand, but just…”

MARISHA: Oh, lord have– oh, sweet Sarenrae.

TALIESIN: Wait, okay, a threshold– a piece?

MATT: “A piece of a threshold crest. Just but a sliver.”

LIAM: The same material?

MATT: “The same material enchanted that is functionally able to be utilized in the same fashion.”

TRAVIS: No problem. What else?

MATT: “Great. I also want the High Warden Tyrelda's hat.”

TRAVIS: Her hat?

LAURA: Do we know what her hat looks like?

MATT: You do, actually.

LAURA: What does it look like?

MATT: It's a pointed, small tricorn made of green velvet that she wears when she goes on like excursions outside of the city.

MARISHA: Oh my god, she's got a pirate tri-corner hat?

MATT: It's small and very long. Imagine a pirate hat with a little more of an elven sleekness to it.

LAURA: Wait, like a Robin Hood hat? Like Peter Pan!

MARISHA: Oh my god, like Peter Pan!

MATT: Sure, yeah!

LIAM: I wasn't looking forward to this moment, but that actually sounds like fun.

LAURA: That's it, that's all you need?

MATT: “That's all! And I will fulfill my side of the deal.”

MARISHA: I have a vague idea of why you might want a piece of the threshold crest, but why would you want the High Warden's hat?

MATT: “Because I have my reasons.”

TALIESIN: So. Are you going to give us what you stole now? We have an arrangement.

MATT: “We do have an arrangement.”

TALIESIN: It's only fair. Come on.

MATT: Reaches into his pocket and pulls out what looks to be a very finely sculpted bronze statue of Syldor that was gifted for essentially his work with Emon and establishing better trade routes between that city and this city. It's basically a good job, salesman of the year award of Syldor's.

MARISHA: They stole his Emmy?

MATT: Kind of, yeah.

LAURA: No, it's like they stole his gold watch.

LIAM: I yoink it out of his hand. I'll take that. I got it right here.

SAM: It's a belt buckle.

LIAM: Right on my belt.

TRAVIS: So weird, you pickpocketed the thing that wasn't even expensive.

LAURA: Why did you take that?

SAM: He can't help it, he's a klepto.

MATT: “No! It was there and nobody was looking.”

MARISHA: Because it ultimately doesn't matter. You know how awards work. Come on.

MATT: “Regardless, we have business to tend to. Come, we have a hat to catch!”

LIAM: Oh, you want to come along?

MARISHA: Oh, hang on, before we all leave. Vex and Vax, what did your dad do back in the day? Because he knows Allura and he talked about knowing Thordak.

LAURA: He's an ambassador to the city.

MARISHA: Does he have any type of fighting capabilities?

LAURA: Ugh. If he does, we never saw it.

LIAM: Yeah, he'll bore you to death.

LAURA: Yeah, he can talk a lot.

MARISHA: Because it sounds like he was a part of the mission to lock in Thordak 11 or so years ago.

LAURA: What? No way.

MARISHA: He mentioned that he's been down this road before.

LAURA: He knows Allura because he knew the Council members. He was the one that sent us off to find…

LIAM: He's a traveling salesman that sells politics. He's not anything all that fancy.

MARISHA: Well, if he sells politics, there could be a lot in selling war against a dragon. I'm not trying to be a dick, but your father was kind of a dick so I'm just questioning it.

LAURA: No, he's an asshole. That's totally fine.

MARISHA: I'm not trying to talk shit about your family.

LAURA: No, feel free.

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Y'all should totally fight right now. Just fight in the room while we're all here and take off your clothes.

MARISHA: I'm just saying.

TRAVIS: Only way to solve it.

LAURA: Totally, totally.

TRAVIS: Yep.

TALIESIN: No, that's a very dark and disturbing thought. I'm very impressed.

MARISHA: Thank you! I've been learning from you.

TALIESIN: Thank you. Now I feel guilty.

MARISHA: I don't mean to question to him, he just said a few things that raised a few hairs on the back of my spine.

LAURA: Well, maybe we can ask him about it?

TRAVIS: You have hair on your spine?

MARISHA: About this time I use Alter Self to go a little half-Minxie and get those– like when a dog is pissed off and it puffs up the hair, towards Grog.

MATT: She shows you this emerging patch of fur that is like, shh, pushing out the back of her shoulders.

LAURA: That's real sexy.

TRAVIS: Pretty sweet.

LAURA: Pretty hot.

TALIESIN: It is a very fair point, although I would say I think it would be best to talk to Allura about your father rather than talk to him again, I think he's possibly had enough of us for a while.

TRAVIS: So we have the meeting, we go get the tricorn hat from her, like, boudoir and then we go get the crest on the way out, right?

SAM: Maybe we can even find a clue about where this crest thing is from the meeting.

MATT: “Grand! That's a great idea! That's a great idea.”

LAURA: Should we sleep before the meeting?

TALIESIN: I think the meeting is actually tomorrow.

LAURA: Yes.

SAM: It just says we get one meeting, I don't think it's been “sheduled” yet. Should we go “shedule” it?

LAURA: Let's “shedule” the meeting.

TRAVIS: Or maybe we could send one of the shitty guards to go “shedule” it for us.

LAURA: Is he back from getting us food? Oh no, I hope he's not, because I want to send a second one out there.

SAM: Ooh! Because you're a lady.

LAURA: Because I'm a baroness.

TRAVIS: I don't think they're going to leave us all alone.

TALIESIN: I have made such a terrible mistake.

(laughter)

MATT: You go and check, you check the hallway, and the guard hasn't returned and the three suddenly spin around as the door opens.

LAURA: Hello! We require a meeting with the High Warden.

MARISHA: I do a little gust cantrip from behind the door to make her hair blow in the wind.

(laughter)

MATT: “I need to take this with me. To make the meeting schedulable.”

TALIESIN: Yes, of course.

LAURA: “Shedulable.”

MATT: “Shedulable.”

TRAVIS: Bidet!

SAM: When would we like the meeting? Tonight or tomorrow?

LAURA and LIAM: Tomorrow.

MATT: You guys did wake up about four hours ago?

LIAM: Did we?

SAM: Today! Later today.

TALIESIN: We'll take the meeting today.

SAM: Right after siesta.

LIAM: It's like northern Alaska.

MATT: “Very well. I'll return.” He turns around and leaves and the two guards look at each other like, thank god it wasn't us. They both stand at the ready as he goes.

TALIESIN: Let that be a lesson to the two of you about making fun of a foreigner's accent. I'm watching you.

MATT: As the door slowly closes.

TALIESIN: Schedulable!

MATT: The faun, of which is currently– Garmelie is up on one of the beds right now, stretched out. “So! What are you waiting for?”

LAURA: That's your bed, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Aw, man.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Brings up one leg.

LAURA: Trinket jumps up on the bed and snuggles in with him.

MATT: “No, don't, ugh!” (bear noises)

MARISHA: Aw, they're shedding on it!

MATT: (creak, crash) The bottom cracks and the bed actually falls flat on the ground. The springs destroyed.

TALIESIN: It's all right, it's a futon now. It's like college.

TRAVIS: Have we seen any of these threshold crests on our way in?

LIAM: Yeah, we walked past some.

MARISHA: They're those little blue stones that are keeping the city here.

TRAVIS: Don't say it like it's obvious. I don't pay attention to shit.

LAURA: But we just need a sliver of one.

TRAVIS: Right, so like, I could take Vax's head and smash it against one and then pick up the pieces. No, that's a bad thing from your frown.

MARISHA: Although Grog doesn't have the worst idea. And I don't mean smashing Vax's head. That's not what I mean. But don't we have some hidden gems, because I'm really terrified if we start hacking away at these stones what might happen.

LAURA: They might not be able to return.

MARISHA: So maybe we can do something kind of fakey.

SAM: He's in the room.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Is he asleep? He's asleep, right?

MATT: No, he's currently partially crushed by Trinket on the bed and goes like, “I can hear you!”

TRAVIS: I mean, we have jewels and shit, just stuff hanging around, but what does that do?

SAM: No, how do we know if we can chip a piece off without ruining it?

LAURA: I wouldn't risk it.

LIAM: I think we should talk to some people and ask a couple of questions around town first.

LAURA: Yeah. Maybe somebody, maybe the High Warden knows. Maybe we can sneak it out of there or something.

LIAM: Just drop it in passing.

TRAVIS: Ooh! Like a souvenir. “Can we have a piece of your threshold crest?”

LAURA: Exactly like that, Grog, exactly like that.

TRAVIS: Shit, I have got all the good ideas today.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I'm the leader. So what do we do until the guard comes back?

MATT: The door opens, the guard comes around with food and hands it out to the rest of–

LAURA: Does anybody have money for a tip? Because I think you're supposed to tip them.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: “You're not supposed to tip your guards.” (boof) Slams the door behind.

MARISHA: That's an Emon tradition. We're overseas, remember.

TALIESIN: I like it here.

MATT: All right. You finish your meal.

LAURA: It's delicious!

MATT: And prepare yourselves for an excursion into the city of Syngorn to seemingly steal a piece of the threshold crest and the High Warden Tyrelda's travel hat.

MARISHA: I turn into Minxie and resign to the idea that I'm going to be sleeping with Garmelie and Trinket and just cuddle next to them in Minxie mode.

LAURA: Are you coming with us, though, Keyleth?

MARISHA: Oh, we're not sleeping?

SAM: No. It's like one in the afternoon, so we'll probably just go.

LIAM: But you know, blow a couple more spells.

MATT: So that's one use of your beast form.

LAURA: Just come on, then.

MARISHA: I'll come on.

LIAM: Just save it. You can stay like that, just walk close to me.

MARISHA: Am I going to freak people out if I walk around like this?

TALIESIN: God, I hope so.

LAURA: Fuck them, that's what I say.

MATT: All right. You guys make your way outside into the city streets of Syngorn to hopefully wait for the other guard, who returns about ten minutes later to tell you, “It has been 'sheduled.'”

TRAVIS: Ah, very good.

MATT: “As soon as you wish, attend to the central palace and there you will be greeted.”

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: “Are you leaving now?”

SAM: Yes.

TRAVIS: Well, we waste no time.

MATT: Makes a big whistle and the other guards come down, and collectively you now have four guards watching you guys.

TRAVIS: Four?

LAURA: Yeah. There were four of them.

MARISHA: I drop Minxie form, because that seems very aggressive.

SAM: As we walk I say to Vax: Oi, Vax. What is the reason for this meeting? When we get in there, what do we say to her?

MARISHA: Can we have your hat?

LIAM: I don't think we should lead with that. Maybe work our way around to it. Well, I would like advice other than this little hairy man for how to get to the bog.

LAURA: And also what we might face.

LIAM: Yes.

LAURA: And how we can fight what we might face.

MARISHA: She might know about Fenthras and the bow.

LAURA: Yes, exactly.

TRAVIS: Wait, Scanlan, can't you go invisible too? What if you two little buggers just went off and like found it on your own while we were distracting Captain Fancy Hat.

SAM: Find Fenthras on our own, what?

TRAVIS: Yeah, you go invisible along with Fauny Tim over here and you just go find the fucking hat.

SAM: Oh, the hat.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: What if she's wearing the hat? What if the hat is on her head?

TRAVIS: We kill everybody.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: To be fair, that usually is the plan.

MATT: And thus ended the story of Vox Machina, murdered terribly in the streets of Syngorn by their own people.

TALIESIN: Clutching a hat.

TRAVIS: Tarantino film.

MATT: As you guys make your way towards the palace, formulating your plan, we're going to go ahead and take a quick bathroom break here. Guys, about ten, 15 minutes or so, we'll be back here in just a little bit. So use your restrooms, stretch your legs and come back. We'll see you all here in a few minutes.

Break
[no audio]

Part II
(cheering)

MATT: That's a lot of people. Welcome back. First off, I want to say a big thanks to Amanda Mclean for making our awesome graphic for our intermission, thank you Amanda, appreciate that.

(cheering)

MATT: We are back. Brought to you by Loot Crate. Let's dive back in, as you guys make your way through the city of Syngorn towards the palace to what would be the northern side of the city. Eventually you come upon the large, slightly swirling stairs that lead to the front of the large brass and ivory surrounded doorway that leads to the interior. You guys have not actually been inside this palace before; you've only seen it from a distance, as your father would not let you in too close to the center of the city. As you make your way up the stairs, you can see guards, the Verdant Guards step out in an aggressive and defensive way, but the guards to your sides immediately put their hands up and signal them to put their arms down and to stand at ease. You guys are brought to the front, the doors open, and a small elderly elvish gentleman comes out, his long white hair almost touching the ground as he shuffles up. He brings a small monocle up to the side of his face. “Yes? Do you have business in the palace?”

LIAM: G'day mate.

MARISHA: Good day.

LAURA: We do. We have a meeting with the High Warden Tyrelda.

MATT: “Let me see your papers. Oh, I see they're right here. Very well. Follow me, please.” He turns around and walks his way into the building. You all follow suit and are led through the main entryway to the palace itself. On the inside you can see these giant archways that the pillars that hold them up look like trees that spread to the top like the stone boughs actually hold a canopy made of marble with beautiful portraits and long artistic renditions of the creation of Syngorn, the people, each bloodline that has progressed and taken on the central political structure of the city. As it goes, you can see busts of people who have been of historical importance to Syngorn, and eventually you're brought to the very end of this hallway. Amongst a series of other offshoot hallways and doors, there is the next portion of this journey, this large central chamber. The door is already partially ajar. You are led into what seems to be the equivalent of a throne room, but it appears that there is a half-circle table in the center of the room and a series of chairs that now sit empty across from one side. Your side. The other side of the table, you see sitting quietly and patiently, an older elven woman, you can see the grey in her hair and the crow's-nests at the corner of her eyes, which in elven years means she's quite old, she's probably close to 150 or 200 years old, by your gathering. They can live quite a long time. She would be in the equivalent of her late 50s.

SAM: Not old enough for our party to kill mercilessly.

MATT: No, that's a whole different gauge.

LIAM: Throwback Thursday.

LAURA: Is she wearing a hat?

MATT: She is not wearing a hat.

TRAVIS: Shit. All right, she lives.

MATT: The guard behind ushers you guys forward toward the chairs. You all get the idea that you should sit.

SAM: We sit.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Are there chairs for all of us?

MATT: There are chairs for all of you but Trinket, who currently, one of the guards is helping to put his hands out in front to keep back, like.

LAURA: No.

LIAM: That's a good way to lose a finger.

LAURA: I wouldn't mess with him if I were you, just to be safe. And I walk up and I give Trinket a kiss on the nose and I put him in his Pokeball.

MATT: The guard leaps back for a second. “That's much easier.”

LAURA: Just watch closely, buddy.

MATT: You step back, you all find your seats.

LAURA: Just talking to my boobs. No big deal.

LIAM: Buddy, buddy.

(laughter)

MATT: This meeting room pavilion, and as you all have your seat, you see the High Warden waiting there patiently, smile on her face but definitely an expression that shows both intelligence and guard. As you all sit, she looks about the group, asks, “So you've all come and made arrangements to meet with me. You've come quite a ways and with very short notice. I'm curious as to what your reasonings are. Please, state your business.”

LIAM: You probably recognize the two of us even if you don't know us. We're Syldor's children. This is my sister Vex'ahlia. I'm Vax'ildan.

MATT: “Strange. It has been some time since you've been within the city. Welcome.”

LIAM: Thank you.

LAURA: We're back because we're searching for a certain bow, Fenthras? Said to be within the Murk something?

LIAM: Bog of Eternal Stench, I believe.

MARISHA: Shadowmurk Bog. That's the one.

MATT: “The Shademirk?”

MARISHA: Shademirk. That's it.

LIAM: It's not on a lark. We're not a bunch of fly-by-nights. We've already stopped to see Vex's and my father. Over the last several months, we have been dealing, a little more closely than most would want, with the Conclave, these dragons. We know that you are struggling to do the same. We have felled two of them, and I don't say that to brag, just to impress upon you how serious we are. We've come a long way, and we are in need of help. Thank you, darling. I think that the city's intentions are in the best possible place. Brings me a great deal of personal satisfaction, actually. I would like to offer our aid in service of the very same purpose, and that bow, in my sister's hands, will go a long way to felling more of these beasts.

MATT: “Well. You stroll in here with a great deal of arrogance and an air of self-importance. Not in a way that is negative, more in a way that means you aspire, and I hope, not reaching beyond your means. If you have indeed felled these two members of the Conclave as you say, then perhaps this errand to the Shademirk is not as dangerous as one would expect. I would not deny you this, and if you indeed have these capabilities, you should have no issue surviving the Mirk, you and your companions.”

LAURA: Syldor sent us here because he said you would know what we might face in the Shademirk.

MATT: “Well. The Shademirk, as far as I understand, was once a very beautiful landscape. That once was the fountain heart of the Gilded Run that provided the flowing rivers that spun throughout this entire region. There was an archfey many years before who was turned on by his beloved, who had been growing so spiteful, so full of angst and anger and vengeful thoughts that it turned his heart dark and black and he began to spill into the fen around him. It was there that these lands became the Shademirk. It was there that he became one with the land and corrupted it and turned it. Dryads turned foul and shadowed. Other creatures began to crawl up from the bog itself, and to this day feed off the life of those they can reach. The only thing that holds its spread at bay is the Gilded Run, the rapids. Now, it's found balance, and we watched it spread, as those who've lived here for a long time do. It does not force any sort of immediate threat to any of us, and it serves its own purpose. It has its new– I shouldn't say new, it's been hundreds of years now– but its own life, its own biome. And we could not be ones to mess with that, if you will. But it is dangerous, and it is, for those who have scouted far enough to see it, say it is akin to wading through an oil slick. It is to walk into a hungry swamp that never gives up its need to feed.”

LAURA: Sounds lovely.

MATT: “Yes, quite.”

LAURA: You say you've lived here. I know the city goes back and forth between the Feywild. Do you travel more freely?

MATT: “I haven't in my older years. When I was younger, perhaps. It is important to maintain an idea of the current state of the Feywild. Every few decades, perhaps every generation, just to be certain when we have to undergo this transition that we don't come into the middle of a war zone in its own right. But I grow tired in my older years, and find myself chained to politics more often than not.”

LAURA: How did you make that transition so easily? I know that the threshold crests are how the city gets around.

(laughter)

MATT: “Well, there are thin areas between the planes, there are doorways, and we have magical means to send small scouting parties between this veil.”

SAM: Go on.

LAURA: Well, I don't want to be a bother, yes, but. Do they entail any part of those threshold crests? I'm wondering because perhaps we might find ourselves in need of traveling, as well.

LIAM: We know we're strangers. But we read much wisdom and experience in your eyes, and it would seem that you have encountered this place yourself, or have experience in the past with those who have, and we're just looking for an edge, really.

MATT: You make a persuasion check.

LAURA: Oh, do I want to roll this one or do I want to roll–

TRAVIS: Oh, just pick one.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: The ever-plight of Laura Bailey.

LAURA: Ooh! That's a good, that's a good, I'm glad I switched!

TRAVIS: There are 300 fucking dice on this table.

LAURA: 27.

LIAM: Ooh.

MATT: “We have refined the art of creating the threshold crests. We have personalized enchantments that can be utilized for our trained spies, our trained guides, our trained scouts. We keep them under lock and key, but when an endeavor requires the transference between planes, we do on occasion allow these to go into the hands of our greatest guides.” LAURA: If a party would be in search of an item that would be of great use to your survival, would that be worthy?

LIAM: Listen, we know we're bastards.

LAURA: Stop bringing up the bastard part!

LIAM: Clearly. Look into my eyes, we share the same goal. Half of my blood is yours. I want to kill the threat to your city and to all cities. I ask with complete humility. I know what I'm asking. Please.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

LAURA: Which one? Him or me?

MATT: Him.

LAURA: Fuck, can I give him advantage, can I help him?

LIAM: Using Luck.

MATT: No, he's got Luck. He has his own.

LAURA: Come on, you motherfucker.

LIAM: Ouch. I rolled the same thing. Low number twice. No, that's a big five.

LAURA: Wait, no, everything's ten. I thought everything was a ten!

LIAM: No, that's right, you're right. So that is a–

LAURA: 12.

LIAM: No, 13.

SAM: Oh, that's better.

MATT: It's better.

LAURA: Why did you talk? I think she would've listened to me.

(laughter)

MATT: “I appreciate your intent, and I understand that our current paths will hopefully align in the near future. However, such artifacts are very important to us and the business within Syngorn, and I mean no offense in saying that you are no longer residents of our city. As such, no, I cannot provide you with these crystals. However, when the time comes, and you retrieve this bow which you say you seek, I hope that we can count each other brethren on the battlefield.”

TRAVIS: Can I look around the room? Are there any doors open, ajar, leading into a bedroom with a hat on a rack?

MATT: Make a perception check, Grog.

SAM: Are there any guards in here with us?

MATT: Yeah, the guards have led you in, they're just back by the front door you entered.

TALIESIN: There's a hat rack and a Starbucks, that's what's in the room right there. It's a hat rack and a Starbucks.

TRAVIS: 19. Natural.

LIAM: I'm rusty on my rules. That should've been a 17.

MATT: What'd you roll?

LIAM: I rolled a three, but because of reliable talent, anything lower counts as a ten. Ten plus my persuasion of seven is 17. I'm just rusty.

MATT: I understand. Same answer.

(laughter)

LIAM: That is racist!

MATT: No, that is a very closely guarded item that would've required a roll of 20 or higher to succeed.

LIAM: The whole time I was like, that seems wrong to me; that it's so low.

MATT: Yeah man, reliable talent's good for that reason.

LAURA: Why did your luck suck that time?

MATT: It's all right. Grog, glancing about the room, your suddenly strangely keen giant eyes in an elvish realm, you who can read patterns in rock and mountain faces, but when looking at finely crafted marble it's just a big mess. You see at the very back of the chamber what appears to be an imprint into one of the sculptures, one of the almost silver and brass latticework that tends to look like climbing roots and vines across the back of the room. There is a door that is recessed within that, though it's hidden in the sculpture itself. “Now. Unless you have other business?”

SAM: I have a little bit of business.

MATT: “Yes.”

TALIESIN: Good, carry on. Sorry.

SAM: Everyone who meets me knows I am a collector of hats.

(laughter)

SAM: I take out my beret and I put it on and I say, why, this one was a very special beret I got by defending Whitestone against an invasion of vampires, singlehandedly freeing the city from the scourge.

MATT: “That sounds entirely believable.”

SAM: Yes. It's a fine garment woven by a master craftsman. I hear you have a fine hat, as well, that you've been seen wearing about town. Is that true?

TALIESIN: I wish I could say this isn't true, but it's actually true. He is genuine.

MATT: “I have been known to have a few garments based on where I'm going, yes.”

SAM: As a fine appreciator of the haberdasher arts–

(laughter)

SAM: A connoisseur, really. Could you humor an old gnome like me and show me… I hear tell of a green hat. A tri-tip hat, right?

MARISHA: I thought it was blue.

SAM: Blue hat?

MARISHA: Might be green.

TALIESIN: He's also colorblind, I should mention.

SAM: Tri-tip, triangular– I just hear it's fantastic, I've never seen one quite like it up close. I was wondering if I could take a look-see.

MATT: Make a deception check.

SAM: With disadvantage.

MATT: Yeah, because you didn't sleep.

MARISHA: Yeah, you didn't sleep, Scanlan!

SAM: Well, that was a natural 20. But the first one was a six. Luckily, it's plus 14, so 20.

(laughing and cheering)

[no audio]

MATT: Bards! “From political requests to a hat collector, this is indeed a very strange afternoon in the palace. Yes, I can have one of my servants show you.”

SAM: Thank you so much, it would mean so much to me. I've never met a hat I didn't like.

MATT: “Then I am certain you will be fulfilled.”

SAM: Should we just wait here, or is it going to be a while?

MATT: “No, I'll have a servant bring you up.” And she puts her hand up and the guards open the door and you see a servant walk out who looks to be a younger elven man. Actually probably about the age of Vax there. Short tattered hair comes across in front of his eyes. He enters. “Yes, mother?” “Could you please show this strange little gnome man to the hat room?” “Yes, of course. Yes. Follow me.”

SAM: There's a hat room? I have a hat room in my place, too!

MATT: “That's splendid. Now, is there any other business?”

TALIESIN: Just to be clear, you would say that the river is probably our safest mode of entry into the bog?

MATT: “It surrounds the bog and runs past the southern portion of it, so you'll most likely come upon the river one way or another. Lest you wish to traverse the Green Sea, but that I would not recommend, either.”

MARISHA: So there's no real easy way into the bog, is what you're saying?

MATT: “There's no easy way to anything in the Feywild, my child.”

MARISHA: Got it.

LAURA: Have you seen the tree yourself?

MATT: “I have not.”

TALIESIN: Are there river men who run boats on the river?

MATT: “No, the river tends to run itself.”

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I had that coming. That's fair.

TRAVIS: That's good.

MATT: “Do you wish to inquire about my shoes? My coat perhaps…”

MARISHA: Oh my god, they're so cute, though. They're amazing shoes. I didn't notice them until you pointed them out, sorry. No, continue on.

MATT: “Is that all?”

TALIESIN: I think that's all, yes.

MATT: “All right. Good luck. I wish you safe–”

MARISHA: Oh, wait, wait, lady!

SAM: High Warden, High Warden.

MARISHA: High Warden. I'm sorry. I was just curious. It's my first time to Syngorn, and it's in the Feywild. It's special, right? Is there a gift shop? A visiting the temple and sights of Syngorn type of shop?

SAM: I went to Syngorn and all I got was this lousy shirt?

MARISHA: Right!

LAURA: We have to make that shirt!

LIAM: Shirt after this one.

MATT: “I'll see what Braum can do. Braum, please escort them to some semblance of a gift shop.”

MARISHA: Oh, thank you!

TALIESIN: Good luck.

MATT: “Now, I have important business to tend to. Good luck. Safe travels. Don't die. Let us see each other on the battlefield soon to slay a dragon. Now, please, be on your way.”

LAURA: We appreciate your time.

MATT: You guys get up and leave, Trinket goes–

LAURA: Trinket's in my necklace.

MATT: That's right, Trinket is in your necklace, so Trinket does nothing.

LAURA: Trinket does nothing but stare outside of the necklace.

MATT: You make your way out of the room, the guards following suit. You can see the lightish brownish reddish tousled hair of the elven boy who's waiting, he's wearing very fine clothing, though very baggy on his scrawny frame. As you all step out, he says, “All right, so, I'm to take you to the hat room, I believe. Oh, you're going to be very happy. It's quite the room.”

SAM: The room I could care less about, it's those hats!

MATT: “Well, I think you'll still be pleased. Are you all coming?”

(noises of agreement)

LIAM: Traveling with Scanlan, we've all become amateur hat enthusiasts.

LAURA: I pull out my hat and I put it on.

TRAVIS: Yep, I pull out the rhinoceros horn.

LIAM: (gong)

(laughter)

MATT: And he pulls out a little masquerade mask and goes like, “Oh my goodness!”

SAM: You're a hatter, too!

MARISHA: Do you get the monthly newsletter?

MATT: “Well, I used to, until we came to the Feywild. It's very boring these days. Well, come, please!” And he darts off excitedly down the hallway. The guards groan loudly behind you. You make your way through the second hallway on the left of the palace, down a flight of stairs into a storage room. To the left you can see what looks to be the entrance to some sort of a heavily barred metallic doorway, about ten feet wide, about 12 feet tall. Further down you come to two doorways. He pulls out a keyring, goes, “No, not that one. Ah, here we are.” It opens up into a small room, you can see in here, it's a display room. In here you can see ornamental armor and helmets and all sorts of classic Syngorean designs, which change often because, well, elves when they don't have a lot of things to fill their time with, it's all about designing new outfits and new armor. There's a whole display of very classic designs for the guards, for the watchers, for the people who first founded Syngorn. It's like a history walk through. But there is a section that is primarily helmet designs for different stations and, “This is as close to a hat room as we have. This here is part of the original Temple of Ioun design. It is a delightful piece.” He keeps going on and on.

LAURA: Do we see the hat that we're looking for in here?

MATT: You do see there is a small rack to the side which is for more just things that are used and you can see there are like wide-brim, rainy-day, carriage-driving hats, you can see there are far-brimmed cloak hoods that are used for horse-riding beneath the rain, you can see there are a few more curved up to one side archer-based hats, and you can see there a nice green velvet hat that is resting across.

LIAM: Is that the one area with hats?

LAURA: Are they all just jumbled in together?

MATT: They're all jumbled in together in that corner and then the actual helmets are against the wall in different setups.

LIAM: Go ahead.

LAURA: I nudge Vax and I point it out.

LIAM: Scanlan, look at all those codpieces across the room!

LAURA: Are the guards in here with us?

MATT: They are, yes.

LAURA: I prat-fucking-fall. I pratfall right in front of the guards, on the opposite side of the room.

MATT: Which one?

LAURA: I walk to the other side of the room and I just fall over.

LIAM: Eat shit, knock shit over.

MATT: Make a perform check.

LAURA: Oh, shit. Can it be acrobatics, though?

MATT: No, acrobatics is avoiding the fall.

LAURA: Shit. Okay. 19?

MATT: 19!

LAURA: I want to take some shit down with me.

MATT: And you do, delightfully so. You fall over, trip, go into a tumble, grab arm over pieces of metallic armor, (crashing sound).

LAURA: Ah, oh god, did you see that–

MARISHA: Oh my god, Vex, are you okay?

LAURA: I think there was a marble on the ground.

MARISHA: Oh no, what? Keyleth turns to the guard.

(laughter)

MARISHA: That was Lady Vex'ahlia, the Baroness of Whitestone. I could sue you! I could sue you for negligence.

MATT: Make a sleight-of-hand check.

SAM: Hold on, he's making a check.

LIAM: 24.

MATT: All right. You take the hat. You place it away. Everyone seems to be focused on the currently yelling Vex'ahlia–

LAURA: Ow, I think I hurt my wrist!

MARISHA: You will get a letter from me, good sir. You will get a letter, okay?

MATT: “This was, look, I apologize if your friend is clumsy, but this wasn't part of our job description, okay, it's been a very–”

MARISHA: Your five-star review just went to a four, okay? I just want to say.

MATT: Braum pushes his way in and goes like, “I am so terribly sorry. I didn't mean– I hope this hasn't ruined your opinion of the hat room.”

LAURA: If we could just see a gift shop, I would be thrilled.

TRAVIS: And I say to the side, I go, (coughs) pinch my knee, is that the one?

MARISHA: What?

MATT: “Are you feeling all right, sir?”

TRAVIS: Yeah, no, (coughs) pinch my knee if that's the one. No, to the little, to the little satyr.

TALIESIN: Let's just find a gift shop, Lady Tyrell doesn't need to hear anything about this. Let's just move on.

MATT: “Lady who?”

MARISHA and SAM: High Warden Tyrelda.

TALIESIN: Tyrelda.

SAM: Yes, well, there's another lady named Lady Tyrell, who's…

TALIESIN: No, this is amazing what my handwriting does.

LIAM: What did you put in that tea, Percival?

MATT: “Well, I'm glad to see this hasn't ruined your opinion of the collections here.”

LIAM: Just the safety codes, really.

MARISHA: If you took us to the gift shop, it might fix things. Okay?

MATT: “Then come, come! You two clean this up!” And the two guards go, “What?” “Yes, my lord.” And the two guards eye you very intensely as they walk over and start picking up all the pieces of armor–

LAURA: Ow!

MARISHA: I start pretending like I'm doing a Cure Wounds spell to her wrist, you know?

MATT: All right. As you guys make your way out, with two of the guards now; two of them are now left behind.

TALIESIN: As we walk out, I just make sure the two guards are, I hope this didn't interrupt your schedules for today.

SAM: “Shedule.”

TALIESIN: Yes, schedule.

MATT: Somehow their chin goes higher. It's impressive, really. You make your way through, down another set of hallways, back towards the beginning of the palace, he goes, “It's not really a gift shop, the closest thing that we could ascertain based on your request is, we do have a small collection of gifts and knick-knacks we've received from allies over time that really aren't much use to us.”

MARISHA: Wait, you're taking us to the lost and found? Please! This is the high baroness Lady Vex'ahlia!

MATT: “Perhaps you'll find something you like.”

LAURA: No, lost and found is a wonderful place to go.

MATT: “It's a combination lost and found and just… gifts from political allies that didn't understand the High Warden's aesthetic. Yes, no, please, this way please.” And he leads you back to the main hallway you guys walked through, a little ways towards the entrance, and then another hallway to the left, he unlocks and this is straight-up like a dark storage room, it is just boxes and boxes that are sealed and he lights a small lantern on the side. It flickers to life, and the flame itself, as opposed to a low oil lantern flicker is like a bright glowing light, you can see this is a magically set lantern, as most of the lights in the city are just everlit torches or things that flicker on and off as a light spell. It illuminates the room around you and you can see no one's walked in here in a while.

LIAM: These are for sale?

MATT: “No, these are for the taking should you wish.”

LAURA: Awesome.

SAM: Well, what do we see?

MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check.

MARISHA: Can I ask a logistical question?

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: Is Garmelie with us or did we leave him behind?

MATT: You don't know.

MARISHA: What?

TALIESIN: You don't know.

SAM: Grog might know.

LIAM: 18.

MARISHA: Grog.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: 18, 19, are you searching, Grog?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: What'd you get?

TRAVIS: Nine.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Wait, is this an investigation?

LAURA: Come on, natural 20!

MARISHA: Natural one.

LIAM: Oh, propeller beanie!

MATT: Keyleth is distracted by the pretty light in the fixture.

SAM: Natural one.

(laughter)

MATT: Scanlan comes up next to her and is equally distracted by this wonderful magical light. Like two moths to a flame. Percival?

TALIESIN: Nine.

MATT: Nine. All right. The two twins, you guys spend some time looking through the nearby riffraff and Braum is in the back, hoping you find something to satiate your need for gifts. The twins find their way through a few boxes, and you open up and there's small porcelain dolls, dressed up in ancient Emon's outfits and designs. You can see what looks to be very dusty Kraghammer designed weaponry, you can see what looks to be a bunch of small game pieces that half of them have been lost, like a chessboard of some kind, but only part of it's there. This is really the junk room. This is where all the really bad Christmas presents get put every year. “No, thanks, it's great!”

SAM: Is it like Storage Wars, where there might be something?

MATT: It could, it could be depending on how well you search.

SAM: Well, I searched terribly.

MATT: You did.

MARISHA: Keyleth starts talking up Braum. Braum?

MATT: Okay. Braum.

MARISHA: Braum. So, Braum. Where're you from?

MATT: “Syngorn?”

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Good start.

SAM: We don't have to distract him, he said it's all for the taking.

MARISHA: Oh, it's all for– really, oh.

SAM: No, that's fine, we don't have to.

MARISHA: You didn't see any distraction. You didn't see anything.

MATT: “I am so confused by all of you.”

LAURA: Can I try to do an arcana check to see if there's anything magic in the room?

MATT: Sure. Make an arcana check.

TRAVIS: I'll join you. Two.

LAURA: Oh shit, I just rolled off the table. How did I do that? 16.

MATT: Your untrained, though natural arcane instincts reveal to you that–

LAURA: I can speak with animals.

MATT: Yes, you can. And there are no animals here. Nothing even remotely magical seems to cross your attention span, unfortunately, and you guys spend a good hour in here sifting through–

LIAM: As, as we're digging in the corner, I say, I thought maybe coming back here I might like this city a little bit better, and I was fucking wrong.

LAURA: This place fucking sucks.

SAM: Let's get out of here.

TRAVIS: Yeah, there's nothing in here.

SAM: No, let's leave.

MARISHA: Okay, yeah, sure. Yeah.

TRAVIS: Let's go.

TALIESIN: Pick something pretty.

MARISHA: Your four-star rating just went down to a three.

TALIESIN: I am picking something random from the room.

MARISHA: And I'll also pick something random out of spite. I'll take this.

MATT: You have a fine tobacco box at your disposal now, Keyleth. You can write that down.

MARISHA: I like it. I chose it on purpose.

MATT: Percy, you find half of a jeweler's kit.

TALIESIN: That's perfect.

MARISHA: That's awesome.

TALIESIN: I am excited. Was it literally cut in half, like literally?

MATT: Half the supplies are there.

MARISHA: And did you say I had a half a tobacco box? Or no, just a tobacco box?

MATT: You had an older tobacco box.

MARISHA: An old tobacco box. All right. Yeah, sure.

MATT: Braum at this point goes, “I hope you've all found something you liked.”

LAURA: All right, I grab something random, too. I mean, if we're all doing it.

MATT: All right. You reach into the Syngorean Wal-mart gift bag on the way out.

LIAM: Come on, secret Santa.

LAURA: Come on. Roll for value.

MATT: No. I'll do that.

LAURA: No whammies.

MATT: You bring out what looks to be a really intricately carved music box made of dark wood.

LAURA: Ooh, that's neat.

MATT: As you shake it, you hear (ting-ting) little remnants of the last winding come through, and it seems to still play.

LAURA: Mine. I'm writing it down.

TRAVIS: All right, I want to reach in and grab something out of there too. All right, fine!

MATT: You reach in and you pull out a potato.

(laughter)

MATT: But it's been there for a while, so like the roots are growing out and everything.

LIAM: Oh, with leaves coming out of it.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I take a bite out of it.

MATT: That is a stale potato.

LIAM: Make a constitution check.

MARISHA: Keyleth takes the potato. Okay, give it to me, give it to me.

TRAVIS: Oh here you go. And I squash it in my hand.

MATT: (squelch) up the sides of it. Braum goes, “If you could clean that up?” And the guard goes aww and starts picking up the potato chunks off the ground.

LAURA: We're down to one!

LIAM: Hey gang, I feel like we've lost focus here.

(laughter)

LIAM: Maybe we should–

SAM: –get out of here.

LAURA: Oh, do we find any broken threshold crests?

MATT: You do not.

LAURA: Damn it.

MARISHA: Okay, wait, do we find any pictures of threshold crests? Or a postcard?

MATT: Nope.

TALIESIN: We're fine.

LAURA: All right.

TRAVIS: We leave.

MARISHA: We'll just go.

SAM: We got the hat.

TALIESIN: We have a plan.

MATT: Braum leads you out of the room, closes and locks it behind, you guys walk back to the hallway that split off, you go past the large metal door again, find your way up into the foyer area at the front of the palace, he goes, “Well, I hope I've been of help to you. I hope I've delivered your interest in seeing our fine selection of helmets and hats here in Syngorn?”

SAM: I am more than satisfied. I will write a five-star review.

MATT: “I don't know what any of that means, but I assume that's good, and I thank you for that. Goodbye.”

LAURA: Thank you.

TALIESIN: Charming.

MARISHA: Good day.

LAURA: Good day.

MATT: The guard that was cleaning the potato follows suit, you guys now have two guards, the other two have not returned. So you have two guards following you.

TRAVIS: I don't know if you guys noticed, but there was this recessed door up in the queenie's room, but I don't know if maybe she would have some fancy stuff back there. Can't shake these guards.

SAM: Well, some of us could slip in anyway, but what do you think we will find there?

TRAVIS: Well, I don't know. I just noticed, because I wasn't paying attention to all the talking.

MARISHA: I think Percy and I can fake them out.

SAM: Fake them out? What do you mean, fake them out?

MARISHA: Wait, is he around? Don't say it out loud.

TALIESIN: There's no fake. It's not faking. I've got a plan. It's not fake, I've got a plan. It's a good plan. But we should sit, recuperate, go somewhere quiet and figure out how we're getting to the bog.

MARISHA: How long have we been awake at this point?

MATT: You mean since you guys woke up this morning, I'd say six hours?

LAURA: That's it?

TRAVIS: We don't want to go try and bust one of the crests we already saw?

LAURA: We could seriously like fuck it up, what if they can't get back?

TRAVIS: Who gives a fuck?

LAURA: They have an entire army to help fight Thordak.

TRAVIS: I didn't think that far ahead, I'm sorry.

SAM: Well, Vex, they could repair it; they have magicians here and stuff.

TRAVIS: Thank you, Scanlan.

TALIESIN: How do you repair a–

SAM: With arcane juju.

LAURA: You make a very good point. A very good point.

MARISHA: But they said they got these stones from the other side, from our realm.

LAURA: Maybe we should just go fucking check them out.

LIAM: The two guards are here to whole time, right?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Yeah. We should really go take a nap, I think we should go take a nap.

LAURA: This dusk is really making me–

MATT: Vex. You hear muttered under the breath of one of the guards, “Thank god.”

(laughter)

MATT: Very low; nobody else hears it.

MARISHA: I've got plenty of energy.

LAURA: I mean, is, is anyone else super duper tired? Are you guys tired?

MARISHA: I'm–

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Tired.

MARISHA: So tired.

LAURA: I look at the guards. I mean, are you guys tired? I mean, how do you even know what fucking time it is, right?

MARISHA: Right?

MATT: “Do you wish to be escorted to your quarters, then?”

LAURA: I would love to get some sleep.

MATT: “Please follow us.” And they both lead on, leading you back to the rooms you guys had set for the evening's rest. Eventually you get to your rooms, the guards stay stationed outside, and you are led into your individual spaces.

LAURA: There's windows though, yeah?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: And the guards leave us in our rooms, obviously.

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: So wait, are we all in our own individual rooms?

TALIESIN: We have earrings, we could just talk on the earrings.

MATT: You all go into a room together, then.

LAURA: Super duper happy, all together.

MATT: You have four rooms at your disposal and you all say, we're going to go sleep, and all go into one room with a broken bed.

SAM: We're a close-knit family.

LIAM: You can make your own assumptions.

MARISHA: We can go into our own rooms and I can fix it if we don't want to tip people off.

SAM: No, we do what we want.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we're fucking close, man.

MATT: All right, you guys all enter the largest room where you met before, and as you all find your way in there, one of the guards goes, “You're going to sleep–”

MARISHA: It's for prayer. We have to pray. Remember, right, Grog?

TRAVIS: Oh yes, we're very holy.

LAURA: Yes, it's been quite a while. I'm rather hungry.

SAM: We all sleep together; it's a polyamorous thing.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I told you we were holy.

MATT: Scanlan and Vex, make deception checks, please.

LAURA: Perception?

MATT and LIAM: Deception.

LAURA: Deception. Oh. Ten?

SAM: 21.

LIAM: (cackles) That's the lie that goes through.

MATT: When you say you're tired and ready to rest, the guard goes, “Mm-hm.” And then when you say polyamorous, the guard goes, “Oh.”

(laughter)

SAM: Yeah, man. We are freak-ay.

LIAM: I grab Grog by the circlet thing and say, come on, I'm tense. Let's go.

(laughter)

MATT: The two guards, the two guards look at each other and take two steps away from the room. “We'll keep a close watch.”

MARISHA: Keyleth says, we're totally polyamorous–

TALIESIN: You! No!

MARISHA: And I turn Percy and Vax into squirrels with Polymorph. See? Polyamorous.

MATT: The two guards look at each other, very disturbed and say, “You've already shared too much, we don't judge, just please go 'sleep'.” They both hold their blades at the ready, both just like, “What is my life right now?” All right.

SAM: We may need you to clean up for us later.

MATT: “Please! Go! Sleep!” You guys are now closed off inside your room.

LAURA: And the squirrels.

MATT: As squirrels. What are you going to do?

MARISHA: Okay, I drop Polymorph. That's what polyamorous means, right, guys?

TALIESIN: Yes.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: Garmelie, show thyself.

MATT: He appears and goes like, “Was that true?”

(laughter)

MATT: He has his sketchbook at the ready and is like, “Because I mean…”

TALIESIN: No. No.

SAM: You don't know.

MATT: “Well.” He closes the book. “So. I believe someone here took a hat?”

LIAM: I might have a hat for you. The other adventure didn't turn out so well, and I really want to give you this hat. I'm wondering– fuck it, I don't have anything to say, take the fucking hat.

MATT: And he puts it on. It's a little small. But he goes, “Ah, it's fine.” Smiles back.

LIAM: So worth it.

LAURA: Yeah. That was definitely worth it.

MATT: He seems extremely proud and happy that this hat is now in his possession. “One of two. Now, the second part.”

SAM: Any ideas there, Garmelie?

MATT: “No.”

LAURA: You passed by those threshold crests several times, I'm assuming.

TALIESIN: Let me get this straight, Garmelie. You require of us a piece of a threshold crest.

MATT: “Yes.”

TALIESIN: Any threshold crest.

MATT: “Yes!”

TALIESIN: Just as long as it's a threshold crest.

MATT: “Yes!”

MARISHA: And looks like a crest.

TALIESIN: It's a threshold crest.

MATT: “A threshold crest.”

TALIESIN: Okay, Keyleth. The thing we talked about.

MARISHA: And I start casting Stone Shape right under the threshold of the door to the room that we're in, and I cut out a crest from the threshold.

MATT: What crest do you create? What does it look like?

MARISHA: A Whitestone crest. From the threshold of the door.

TALIESIN: We break it.

MARISHA: There's a piece of your threshold crest.

(laughing and cheering)

TALIESIN: Don't cast Friends on people. It's not nice.

MATT: You watch as his ears, his pointed ears slowly slink back and his hair stands up all across the back of his head, his beard almost bristles out into spines as the hat goes (poink) and pops off and hits the ground. He snatches it up. Grabs the piece.

TALIESIN: That's your threshold crest. Piece of a threshold crest.

MATT: “Thank you.”

LAURA: Yay!

MATT: “Well, it appears that our deal has been kept.”

(laughing and cheering)

MATT: He snaps his fingers and you feel like this sudden, this almost unnoticeable pressure at the base of your neck that you had felt since you made the deal release and absolve, on both of you. “All right, so. Well, at least I got the hat out of it. So. The Shademirk, then? Come, follow me, grab your things.” (laughs)

MARISHA: Let's go.

TALIESIN: I cannot wait.

MATT: “Now.” He vanishes. And Grog, you feel a little tug on your finger to pull you forward.

TRAVIS: I fart.

(laughter)

MATT: “I had that coming. We now have even more of a reason to make haste. This is a very small room, and I've been following behind him for quite some time. Let's go. Now, quickly.” And you see Grog being pulled forward by the finger, and you guys get the feeling that he's leading you out of the city, invisible, by Grog's finger.

TRAVIS: We're going this way. Follow me, chaps!

MARISHA: Follow the finger.

SAM: Are the guards following?

MATT: The two guards are following, yes.

LAURA: Woo, that was really fun.

MARISHA: My hair is messed up.

SAM: Good sesh.

LAURA: Good. That was really…

LIAM: Thanks, Grog.

(laughter)

LIAM: I feel loose as a goose. Let's go see this bog.

MARISHA: And I transform into a goose and come out as a goose.

MATT: “You– (frustrated noise) Never mind.” The guards follow at a very healthy distance now, both whispering to each other as they watch you walk.

LAURA: I think we made a really good impression on this city coming back.

TRAVIS: I'm going to kill you later.

MATT: You guys are led back through the main portion of Syngorn, towards the front gates where the watchers reside. The doors are opened for you, and you are escorted out the front gate, where the guards very happily leave you to be. And both turn around at each other and go, (heavy sigh) and they walk back inside the confines of the outer Syngorean wall. You guys are now back out in the wilds of Syngorn, the finger tugs lead you out past the front of the city, through the marshlike mandrake fields that you initially traversed when you made your way to Syngorn, and then find your way back into the Ever-Shifting Grasses, heading duskward, towards where it seems the dusk sun will set.

LAURA: Duskward.

TALIESIN: Duskward.

MARISHA: Always duskward.

SAM: I hate that direction.

MATT: There's also nightward, seaward, or tangleward. Which would you prefer?

SAM: Are those different directions?

MATT: Yes, those are different directions.

LAURA: Tangleward? Did you say tangleward?

MATT: Tangleward. It was mentioned before, yeah.

LAURA: Oh. I just thought of the Disney movie and I think I spaced out there.

MATT: I'm pretty sure that the people in the Feywild haven't seen that. Not yet. They're waiting for it to come out on Blu-Ray. All right. So you make your way towards where the grasses get heavy again, and you see Garmelie (foosh) once again take visible form again and be like, “Ah, sorry, that concentration for a while really gets to you, I'm so glad to be out of that stuffy place. So! Shall we?” Rights his hat. And even in righting it, it's a little crooked to one side and he begins marching duskward.

LAURA: Onward to the theater!

MATT: “No! No theater! We are avoiding the theater! No.”

TRAVIS: Garmelie, how far of a journey is it to this bog?

MATT: “Say about four times since we met?”

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: That doesn't mean anything to me.

LAURA: Four times since we met.

LIAM: I'm just curious, why are you so worried about the theater? I love the theater.

MATT: “I have my reasons.” And he continues walking forward.

LIAM: Thanks, great. Good talk.

LAURA: It's been 14 hours since we've met.

SAM: Can we travel any faster than that? Can we mist, can we tree, can we…?

LAURA: Wait a minute, you could– if you know a tree is– that would be pretty stupid, to just pop out of the cancerous tree, but if we know a tree is there, couldn't you potentially just fucking do it?

LIAM: You've had a lot of good ideas. That's not one of them. That's a bad idea.

MARISHA: She's not wrong.

LAURA: Wait! Keyleth, what if you just open up the cancerous tree, we reach through, we grab the fucking bow, and then we're out.

MARISHA: Well, you're not entirely wrong, I don't know if I can Teleport via Plants because generally that takes knowing the plant. However, I do have Tree Stride, which means we can– nope, never mind, I can only do that on myself.

MATT: Wah-wah.

TALIESIN: We are not sending Keyleth the goose into a bog to retrieve a bow from an angry cancerous tree.

MARISHA: But I'm loosey! I'm a loosey goose.

MATT: That would look amazing on an epitaph, I'm just saying.

MARISHA: We can mist there.

SAM: Would that save time, I don't remember how fast we go.

MARISHA: I might have to take a hot nap.

TRAVIS: A hot nap?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Didn't you guys just take a hot nap?

(laughter)

MARISHA: Yeah. The answer is yes. I can do all those things.

TALIESIN: Well, let's travel for a bit and then we'll take a proper break.

MARISHA: If we can get to the edge of the bog, then we'll take a sleep.

LAURA: Wait, I think the edge of the bog is kind of far, though.

TALIESIN: We'll start our journey, and the next leg of our journey.

TRAVIS: Yeah, let's get going.

MARISHA: We'll go until we're tired.

MATT: “I like the sound of that.”

LAURA: Oh. (belches)

(laughing and cheering)

MATT: “Most impressive for a lady.”

LAURA: Thank you. That's a baroness burp.

MARISHA: Robert Durst shit.

MATT: As you guys push on further northward at the behest of Garmelie, you push for another two hours or so through the Ever-Shifting Grasses, and as you get further and further north, the color of the grass seems to go from that deep verdant green to almost a maroon purplish color.

LAURA: I pop Trinket out of the necklace.

MATT: He attacks some of the grass and chews it up.

LAURA: Yeah, get it!

MARISHA: Don't touch the grass, it'll get angry at you! It'll yell at you for a week!

TRAVIS: I don't think that applies here.

LAURA: It's okay, darling. It's okay. Keyleth.

MARISHA: What?

LAURA: Do not yell at my bear.

MARISHA: I was just trying to protect him.

LIAM: I give him some grass.

MARISHA: Don't!

SAM: It's fine.

TALIESIN: It's fine.

MATT: And just keeps going forward through the grass fields.

MARISHA: Does the grass seem angry?

MATT: No, it just seems to be changing color.

MARISHA: Suck it, grass!

MATT: As you say that, the grass goes from a purplish color to a deep, deep red around you.

SAM: Oh god.

MARISHA: Because you… suck out the joy of all of us living around you, and you're so amazing.

TRAVIS: That makes it even worse.

SAM: Not a compliment.

TRAVIS: You're still going in the same direction.

MARISHA: I mean, you suck out bad–

LIAM: I grab Keyleth's hand. Let's take a walk.

MATT: All of you, as you're walking, the actual grasses around you are getting more and more dense and are catching on your feet and you're finding that your progression is getting slower and slower.

LAURA: Wait, no. I have Landstride, which means I don't slow against any land.

MATT: Yeah, so you're fine, you just coast ahead. The rest of the party, it's like they're going through waist-high thickets. The grass looks gentle, but as soon as it hits your body, it rakes across it almost like very fine serrated plants, and it's catching on your clothing and pulling you back. It's almost like since those statements were made…

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I have a hooded lantern. I could set this whole fucking thing ablaze.

ALL: No!

MATT: The red goes to a deep cinder-like red.

SAM: Are we going to have roll initiative on grass?

LAURA: No, wait.

TALIESIN: Does no one– I'm going to take a moment.

MARISHA: I feel like the grass feels our emotions.

SAM: Your emotions. Because you yelled at it.

TALIESIN: Lovely field, I apologize for the rudeness of my compatriots. We will be gentle trouncing through you. We will make as little mark as we can and enjoy the splendor of your ever-changing colors. You are majestic, you are windswept– I'm flirting with grass– you are everything I could hope for in a beautiful view.

SAM: I sing a song.

MATT: What do you sing?

(cheering)

SAM: (singing) Keep growing. Keep flowing, knowing you can always count on me.

TRAVIS, LAURA, and SAM: (singing) For sure.

SAM: (singing) That's what Scanlan's for.

(cheering)

MATT: Percy, I want you to make a persuasion check against the grass? Adding the d10 inspiration die.

TALIESIN: Oh, d10 inspiration. Come on.

MARISHA: I do an interpretive dance.

SAM: Come on, persuade that plant.

TALIESIN: That was leaning.

SAM: That was a leaner.

TALIESIN: That jumped, but that's still fine, okay, it's. Persuasion check? Oh yeah, that's not bad. 24.

MATT: What was it?

TALIESIN: Eight plus six plus seven. (counting) 21.

SAM: It's more than that.

MATT: Between the interpretive dance of Keyleth amongst the tattered angry grasses, the beautiful vocal stylings of Scanlan Shorthalt, and Percy speaking out a wondrous poem towards the Ever-Shifting Grasses, you watch as the deep bright red subsides into the relaxed purple, and eventually goes back to a dull green, and you find your traveling no longer impeded as it once was.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Good job!

LAURA: Good job!

MATT: You successfully parlayed with a field.

TRAVIS: First doors, then grass.

LIAM: Don't talk shit to grass!

SAM: How do you want to mow this?

(laughter)

MATT: So. About another half an hour of travel before in the distance ahead of you can see the dark edge of what looks to be another forest ahead of you, wide and almost end-to-end, you see it. A lot of these wooded areas almost meet the horizon, it's like you're stepping into just an endless wall of trees. As you begin to approach closer to the edge, Garmelie looks up and says, “All right. So we have choices now. We have the Moonbrush before us, or we have the Green Sea, which is far seaward of here. I would recommend the Moonbrush.”

SAM: Then we should go the other way. Because we don't trust a fucking thing you say.

MATT: “Very well.”

LAURA: Wait.

TALIESIN: No, the High Warden did say–

MARISHA: – to avoid the Green Sea.

LAURA: Why do you recommend the Moonbrush?

MATT: “Because it's the only real route to get to the Gilded Run.”

LAURA: What is the Gilded Run?

MATT: “The Gilded Run are the rivers that surround it.”

LAURA: Right, those.

MATT: “Yes. You're looking for the Shademirk. You have to get through the Gilded Run to get the Shademirk. You have to go through the Moonbrush to get to the Gilded Run.”

LIAM: Where's the theater?

MATT: “No theater!”

TRAVIS: Right, so we're going through the brushy moon?

MATT: “Yes! Come, come.”

LAURA: Yeah? Are you okay with that, Scanlan?

SAM: I'll allow it.

MARISHA: How long have we been awake?

MATT: You are… you've been awake for about 12 hours now, I'd say.

MARISHA: If we want to mist there, then we have to sleep. But we'll press on for a few more hours.

MATT: Certainly. About another 40 minutes of foot travel before you begin to hit the edge of the Moonbrush Forest. As you approach, Garmelie says, “All right, so things you should know about the Moonbrush. One: it is home to a number of denizens.” And as you look overhead, you can see it's a thick fog that permeates the entirety of this forest. You can see the outline of every tree trunk towards the outer rim of this entire brush. The canopy of the trees themselves are like long weeping willows that sag and give this very ominous feeling to the entire forest. You can see small mountain spires breaking through portions of the tree line in the distance occasionally, miles between each other, sometimes a cluster far closer together. He says, “There is a clan of sorts that lives amongst the forest, we'll try our best to avoid. They are natural hunters and they are of the lycan persuasion.”

SAM and TALIESIN: Oh.

MATT: “So, best that we avoid interaction. They are well-read, they have a society; we should touch none of it.”

MARISHA: Question. You mentioned we are going into the Moonbrush with lycan hunters?

MATT: “Yes. It's a necessity.”

MARISHA: Yeah, no, it sounds like it. Yeah.

MATT: “Yes. But they do have natural enemies. There is a faction of pixies that live within, known as the Wishers, and they are forever locked in a struggle. So avoid both, do not get involved at all, and we'll be fine.”

LAURA: Do the lycan tend to populate trees, or if we stay up high can we maybe avoid them?

MATT: “Actually, they travel mostly in the trees. That's the easiest way for them to hunt, is unseen.”

LAURA: Well, there you go.

MATT: “They are ruled by a singular lycan lord, who goes by the name of Ukurat.”

MARISHA: What?

SAM: Ulurat?

MATT: “Ukurat.”

MARISHA: Ukurat.

LAURA: Ukurat or Udurat?

MATT: “Ukurat.”

LAURA and LIAM: Ukurat.

MATT: “U-K-U-R-A-T.”

TRAVIS: Bob.

MATT: “He is to also be avoided.”

TALIESIN: Is that an elven name? Is that an elven word?

MATT: “It was, once.”

LAURA: Wait, he used to be elven? He used to be elven.

MATT: “They all used to be many things. He happened to be elven at one time, yes? So. Anyway. We'll avoid them, and avoid the Wishers, and also those things, the little plants that you saw before?”

LAURA: Mandrakes?

MATT: “Mandrakes? Also everywhere. Avoid them.”

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: “And we'll just avoid the other things I mentioned, so. Shall we?” And he begins to step and march up to the edge of the Moonbrush.

TALIESIN: Okay.

SAM: It's fine. We've killed dragons, we'll be fine.

TRAVIS: I'm so stoked right now.

MARISHA: Did we– okay, yeah. Sure. Yeah.

MATT: All right. You guys make your way into the dark Moonbrush itself and as you walk into the forest, immediately you can hear the swell of distant crickets, thousands upon thousands, sourceless, fill the air around you.

SAM: Audience, please.

(cricket noises, laughter)

MATT: That works, I was going to look for cricket sounds here. That's also totally doable.

MARISHA: Someone's got a really good one.

MATT: As you walk in, the actual dusk light that has permeated the Feywild begins to give way to the first signs of night. You can look up through the different breaks in the tree line, you can see stars for the first time. And you can see what looks to be a very dull white glow of moonlight hitting some of the trees and breaking through some of the treetops themselves. The underbrush itself is very soft and spongy, with a lot of leaves that have fallen and given this soft setup. As you guys push forward for another half-hour or so, you in particular, Vex'ahlia, come upon what looks to be a series of stones, what looks to be a series of small structures, almost. Not like buildings per se, but intently placed obelisks of raw, rough stone. And as you come across and look on that side, you can see what looks to be the base of one of the mountain spires that sticks out, a large cave.

LAURA: Do I see any kind of markings on the obelisks?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Oh. Get out of here!

MATT: What'd you get?

LAURA: Natural one.

MATT: Natural one.

LAURA: I know!

MATT: They just look rough and old. They've been placed there. It's old magic.

LIAM: God, you're so bad at D&D!

LAURA: I suck!

MATT: But you do see around the ground right out in front of this cave what appears to be hundreds and hundreds of small objects, piles, what looks like fruits and flowers and bones and stone carvings, all sorts of things placed in front of this cave.

MARISHA: Can I do a nature check on one of the bones to see if I can identify where it came from?

MATT: Okay. So you head out and take one of the bones and look at it. Go ahead and make a nature check.

MARISHA: Yeah, the closest bone, I don't want to, ooh. Yeah.

TALIESIN: That ain't nothing to sneeze at.

MARISHA: No, it's not. 28.

MATT: 28. This bone belongs to a larger bird, like a great eagle, you can't quite specifically make out what it is, but it's been carved with small letters into it of a language you can't understand. It looks like it's some sort of a ritual item that's been placed there in the ground. But as you pick up and make this moment noticed–

LIAM: I'm going stealth just because.

MATT: You all hear a giant, echoing roar coming from the cave.

LIAM: Was I fast enough?

MATT: (roars) What'd you roll?

LIAM: 30.

MATT: 30. Okay, yeah. You just (bip) out; you are gone. The rest of you are right at the outside of this small clearing where all of these small objects have been placed, you hear this rumbling loud roar come tearing through.

MARISHA: I step back with the bone.

MATT: Okay. What are the rest of you guys doing?

LAURA: I pull the broom out from behind my back.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Can I lean the bone over to Vex'ahlia and be like, is this Draconic?

LAURA: Is it Draconic?

MATT: It is not Draconic.

MARISHA: God fucking damn it.

LAURA: Is it anything that I recognize, though?

MATT: What languages do you know?

LAURA: Elvish, Abyssal, Undercommon.

MATT: No, none of those.

LAURA: Shit.

MATT: However, at this time the trees behind you two, because the rest of you guys were staying back–

LAURA: Who's you two?

MATT: Vex and Keyleth. The trees (fwoosh) shift and close off the exterior. As you turn towards the entrance of the cavern, you can see emerging from the front a giant– it's hard to really tell the first moment that it appears, but you see what looks to be a gargantuan dire bear-like entity made of crackling blue ghostly energy, shimmering, translucent, not actually a physical form, but massive in size. (stomping noises, roar)

MARISHA: Wait, did we get cut off? Did Vex and I get cut off from everybody else?

MATT: Yep. From everybody else.

LAURA: Shit! I grab Keyleth's wrist and I fly into the air.

MARISHA: I hold on for dear fucking life.

MATT: As you grab her wrist as you fly up, the trees, swoosh, close off and you go slamming into the tree boughs (crashing sound). You lose the broom for a second. Go ahead and hold your grip. Go ahead and make a strength check.

LAURA: A strength check!

SAM: We can't even see them, Matt?

MATT: You guys can't see them and they just closed off in the trees.

LAURA: Come on! Is that a saving throw or just a check?

MATT: Just a check.

LAURA: Five.

MATT: Five? You lose your grip on the broom, and both Vex and Keyleth tumble down about 20 feet, you both suffer seven points of damage as you slam into the center of another pile of what looks like knick-knacks and things that are gathered on the floor. It's at this point that your mind hits that these are probably offerings, these are things that are left as some sort of offering to this bear-like spirit entity that exists in this cave. The bear, which is now, (stomping sounds), coming up towards you on the ground. Looks to Keyleth, (roars).

MARISHA: Hi!

LAURA: I cast Speak With Animals!

MATT: Okay, you cast Speak With Animals.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Like I taught you!

LAURA: (weak growling sounds)

(laughter)

LAURA: And I say, we mean you no harm, great ghost bear! In fact, we brought you an offering and we just accidentally touched the other offering of yours.

LIAM: Où est la bibliothèque?

(laughter)

LAURA: The cheese is old and moldy.

MATT: None of the bear's face moves at all, but an echoing voice, in Common, not animal speak, comes blasting into both of your minds, and those of you guys outside of the trees, trying to find a way through, also hear this echo, “You have entered the domain of Orlan. You destroy and disgrace that which was gifted. What do you offer in response to your travesty?”

LAURA: Yeah, well, I–

SAM: We have a hat. A really good hat.

MARISHA: I've got an old tobacco box I got from lost and found.

LAURA: Ooh, yeah, that's pretty good. I offer him a tea set.

MATT: As you pull the tea set out, the bear claw reaches out and smashes it out of your hand and goes scattered and breaking across one of the stones and goes, “You walk into the realm of the wild, unwatched, unrespecting. The beasts of this land hold no kinship with you. You will prove offering yourself.” And the tongue licks the lips.

MARISHA: What? I turn into a giant scorpion.

MATT: The scorpion takes its form, as it does the bear, (growls).

MARISHA: You want an offering, you can have mine.

MATT: Make a persuasion check on that.

MARISHA: Oh god.

LIAM: By the way, am I hidden in or outside?

MATT: You're outside.

MARISHA: 21.

LAURA: Good job, Keyleth!

MARISHA: Thank you!

MATT: “I sense you have kinship with beasts. You may pass, though I will not forgive this infraction. You.”

LAURA: Yeah?

MATT: “You shall be the prize.”

LAURA: Oh, fuck.

MATT: The giant bear is looming over you now, and its size is so immense, probably 15 or 20 feet to the top of its shoulders.

LAURA: Trinket! I call Trinket.

MATT: You call Trinket?

LAURA: I call Trinket.

MATT: Leaps out of your necklace and lands right beside you and just roars, (roars) up to the spirit. The spirit pulls back, (roars), roars back. And Trinket is so tiny by comparison and is up to the elbow, but Trinket lashes out at the giant bear, just leaps up towards it, pushes into it and starts tearing at its throat. The giant bear takes Trinket with one claw and slams him into the ground. Trinket rolls and gets back up, (growls), you can see a little bit of blood at the corner of its mouth, and just lunges again, this time jumping up onto the bear's back and clawing up onto its, onto the top of its torso. The bear (growls).

LAURA: He's pretty cool.

MATT: The bear head looks up at Trinket now gnawing onto its hide, (gnawing sounds), seemingly to no real effect, and the bear reaches up and grabs Trinket and plucks him off the side and sets him down next to you. The bear now begins to speak in the language of bears, which only you can understand at this moment, says, “You walk with this one. Is she your charge?” And Trinket voices back, you hear the (bear noises) up to the bear, as you hear coming out, “She is everything. Her life is mine. You take her, you take me, or we walk on and remember you as a kind soul.” The giant bear looks down, “Very well. If you are at her side, I take your charge, as well.” And the spirit bear steps forward, passing through you, and passing through Trinket's form, and what feels like this rush of warm air. And then disperses into a series of sparkles. You watch the energy slowly drift down and fade into the ground around you, and everything gets quiet. The trees slowly creak back and open the perimeter of this forest around you, leaving you alone. And Trinket comes up and licks your face.

LAURA: Oh!

(cheering)

MATT: As he's looking at you, you look down and you can see the necklace that you hold is actually shimmering with a blue light that passed through you, and it slowly fades to its dark normal form.

SAM: You're part bear now!

MATT: So. That's your new item card for Raven's Slumber.

(cheering)

AUDIENCE MEMBER: What's it do?

LAURA: I don't know.

MATT: So. I've got to finish this quickly because we've got to get to the Q and A, but as of this point in time, and I'll give you an ability card, but Trinket now benefits from your Hunter's Mark.

(cheering)

MATT: And has an ability called Primal Fury you can use once per short rest that I'll get to next episode. As you all gather around this moment of silence, this quiet tension that has now dispersed, you see Trinket lift up Vex from the base of her cloak and put her back on her feet, nuzzles the side of her, and you can see the trees overhead open up a little wider than they were before, leaving some moonlight to hit the two of them. And that's where we'll go ahead and leave this session this week.

(cheering)

MATT: Thank you, guys!

(cheering)

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Is it Thursday yet?

(cheering)

MATT: Thank you. (laughs) Thank you guys so much for joining us here live, this has been an awesome and incredible first experience for all of us. Thank you so much for tuning in and watching with us this week. We're looking forward to the GenCon show in a few weeks, so some of you guys over on that side of the US can hopefully come and see us here as well, and join in this fantastic energy that tonight was just filled with. So hopefully we'll do more of these as time progresses.

TRAVIS: Thank you, Loot Crate!

LAURA: Thank you, Loot Crate!

MATT: Thank you Loot Crate for supporting us and being so awesome, being a fantastic sponsor, and yeah, I guess, is it Thursday yet? We'll see you guys in a couple weeks.