Transcript:Raishan (episode)

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Welcome back, guys. I hope you enjoyed your– your holiday. Hope you enjoyed your new year and are ready to tackle all the chaos this year has coming. Both fists forward. So, missed you guys. Last we left off was a little crazy, but before we get to that circumstance, let’s go ahead and start with our announcements. Yay! (cheers) First and foremost, our first episode of the year is sponsored by us happy to be back. We have no sponsor tonight. (cheers)

MARISHA: Happiness!

MATT: So sponsored instead by viewers like you. So… Thank you. But, yeah, so other announcements we have. Me and Marisha will be running from this episode tonight to pack and leave at a super early, pre-dawn flight. Pretty much, or at dawn flight, to MAGFest. We’ll be there getting in later tomorrow, and be there this weekend. So, those of you who are going to MAGFest, we’ll see you there. We have–

LAURA: Is that what it is, just a lot of magazines?

MATT: Just a lot of magazines.

TALIESIN: People, US Weekly.

MARISHA: Oprah.

MATT: We pretty much got in there only because of the article in Game Informer. That’s the only reason we were invited. No, MAGFest is great. We have a Critical Role panel tomorrow evening that me and Marisha will be doing, and other fun stuff Saturday and Sunday. So, look for us in the schedule and we’ll look forward to seeing you guys at the actual event. Travis, you wanted to mention something real quick?

TRAVIS: Yes! I wanted to give a quick shout out to Kathy Creshe, Creshaw, I don’t know how to say it.

TALIESIN: That was a good shout out.

TRAVIS: From Pennsylvania.

SAM: Big fan of the show?

TRAVIS: We love you, from us, to you.

LAURA: We read your email.

TRAVIS: It was wonderful.

MATT: Sam!

SAM: Uh, yeah, tonight’s sponsor is Critical Role, as you said, we have lots of stuff. Lots of merchandise available in the store. The logo shirt, mugs, patches, nail wraps, hats, key chains, and necklaces are available and if you didn’t see it over the Christmas break, we have the Gilmore shirts and the “How do you want to do this?” shirts and you guys know this, we have a big Spanish speaking fan base, and I wanted to give them some love, so I thought I’d do our ad tonight in Spanish. Two notes, two notes, I don’t speak Spanish, and second note is my neighbor’s son translated this for me. So, he’s in Spanish Two. Should be pretty basic.

TRAVIS: Not, “He’s Spanish too.”

SAM: No, he’s– he’s a sophomore in high school. Hola, me llamo Sam Riegel. Aquí está mi perro. Se llama Travis Willingham. Una broma. ¿Te gustan las camisas t-shirt? Espero que sí porque tenemos dos camisas t-shirt para vender en nuestra tienda. Una es color morado. Es para Gilmore’s Glorious Goods. (laughter) La otra no es morado, es gris. Tiene el slogan de Matthew Mercer, which is… ¿Como quieres hacer esto? (laughter) No cuestan muchos pesos. Tu vas a ir internet y comprar ahora. ¡Gracias por favor!

(applause, cheers)

TRAVIS: Muy bien!

MARISHA: Yay for Spanish Two!

TALIESIN: High school Spanish is the official language of Los Angeles, well done.

TRAVIS: A future translator will then, like, show up?

SAM: I don’t know.

TALIESIN: It’ll be insulted. Actually, yeah, it’ll actually Google translate and will be like, I refuse to even touch this.

SAM: It’s for our Spanish language viewers. There are many.

TRAVIS: That was great.

MATT: This is true. Thank you so much. Anyone else? Oh, I want to announce real fast too. We received quite a bit of Critmas gifts after we had filmed the Critmas episode last month. So, as we’re slowly retrieving them from the mailbox, me, Marisha, Taliesin, and possibly anybody that’s available at the time, Liam, Laura will be doing a Periscope opening of the rest of those gifts in the next couple of weeks or so. Be announcing it ahead of time, so pay attention to that, but it is coming. So, don’t worry. We’ll be getting to your presents and thanking you for all your awesome unnecessary generosity. You’re so wonderful and we’ll let you know once it’s happening. Anybody else have any other announcements they want to make?

TRAVIS: Hands up!

SAM: Uh?

TRAVIS: Hands up!

MATT: Alright, great. That being the case.

MARISHA: I don’t know–

LIAM: I don’t know what this–

MATT: Let’s go ahead and dive in. To the first 2017 episode of Critical Role.

TALIESIN: ♪ Do you believe in life after– ♪♪

(growling, screaming) ♪ (electricity crackling) ♪

Part I
MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome back. So, getting us up to speed with the current circumstance that we left off at the end of last episode. Vox Machina, the main adventurers, spending the better part of this past year under the shadow of the Chroma Conclave, a group of ancient chromatic dragons that have banded together, seemingly under the banner of Thordak, The Cinder King, a great red dragon that had been sealed in the fire elemental plane for a number of years. Newly released and carrying with him what was called a soul anchor. A magical artifact made from the heart of a fire primordial that had begun to cause him to mutate and swell and become something beyond what he was. Also driving him apparently insane. As he dominated the countryside of Tal'Dorei, along with the rest of the Conclave, you gather artifacts of great power called the Vestiges of Divergence under the guidance of two sphinx allies. You travel between various planes and gathering these artifacts gathered allies and prepared for this climactic confrontation in your home city of Emon, now partially brought to ruin and flame. You assembled an army. You snuck beneath the city. You arrived within the center of the Cloudtop district nearly under the nose of Thordak’s defending hordes, and through a climactic seeming sacrifice by your friends Kashaw and Zahra, were allowed to pass directly into the Cloudtop heading off Thordak before he could emerge from his subterranean lair and lay waste to the armies as they pushed inward towards his lair.

TRAVIS: When you say it like that...

MATT: There you all did battle with the great colossal Thordak, The Cinder King. A well prepared fight rolled out and while there was much danger, you all persevered and managed to, using the vestiges, destroy the soul anchor once it was revealed within the body of the great red dragon. His form rescinding and withering back to its regular, seemingly withering size. You– it attempted to flee back into its lair, but the rather rapid and temporarily winged rogue, Vax'ildan gave chase and dealt a finishing blow to the great red beast midway through its cavern towards its lair. There you were joined briefly by your sister and an ally you had made through this circumstance, Raishan, one green dragon. The member of the Conclave that seemingly had made a tenuous alliance with you as her goal also was to destroy Thordak. Aiding you in the battle, Raishan followed suit and upon the corpse of Thordak laying cut, bleeding and dead in the center of this cavern, she wished to take her end of the deal you had made. To be left alone with the corpse for a moment to acquire some secret knowledge that apparently she was seeking from the dead dragon. Upon releasing the energy from the scroll which she had utilized the incantation from, you decided that vengeance being your oath as a paladin and the history that you have with Keyleth and Keyleth’s people that died under the guise of Raishan’s initial plotting with Thordak to not let this creature stand and attacked it. Both you and your sister, just as Keyleth began to arrive. The rest of the party slowly staggering behind. Raishan sneered and went further back into the cavern. You all gave chase into this dark, volcanic tunnel system which then opened up into a large, red flaming cavern filled with lava pools and rivers, and apparently a handful of red eggs, it looked like scattered throughout this room. Thick dark red crimson scales with crystalline formations pouring out of the sides. Very similar to Thordak’s primordial dragon form. Upon finding not Raishan, but just this empty space, you looked up to see a series of arcane summoned meteors suddenly given form, rocketing from the ceiling of the cavern and slamming into the floor dealing some of you a pretty dangerous blow and sending you scattering across the floor a bit. Vex being thrown across the way. You all managed to survive as at the end of the last battle, I’d forgotten that you had made your save and you actually, your bludgeon damage was halved, so Vex is conscious, though still hurting.

SAM: ♪ Whoo ♪

LIAM: ♪ Whoo ♪♪

MATT: As the dust settles and you all take stock of what had just transpired, you see the snout of the green dragon pull up into what appears to be a series of dark volcanic exhaust tunnels that seem to be like a hive network of honeycomb type tunnels that just spiral off all through the ceiling, and that’s where we left off in the last sequence here.

SAM: Geeze, Louise.

MATT: Which, previously, behind if I’m–if I’m correct, and I believe I am, and if not, internet, it’s fine, we’ll do the narrative. We have the three of you in the room. We have Percy, Scanlan, Pike and Gilmore rushing up behind as fast as they can. Grog and Kima had stayed behind to finish up one of the more recent battles and Jarret is just not going in. He is not in a place to follow suit. “You got this, you got this. Do not worry, it’s okay.”

LIAM: Before we ran into the bigger chamber, Gilmore and Jarret had caught up with us if I remember correctly.

MATT: No, they did not.

LAURA: Oh, they hadn’t gotten to us.

LIAM: I remember that they did.

MATT: No, they would have gotten into the chamber with you. Only the three of you made it into the chamber.

LIAM: That’s what I mean.

MATT: They got into the tunnel, but they hadn’t got up to your guys. The speed in which you guys all got there was basically just Raishan and the three of you, then the attack happened. Raishan rushed in, you rush after her. Everyone else has kinda been left in the dust. They’re not too far behind you, but things be as they may. We begin tonight’s episode at this next round of combat. Continuing where we last did.

LAURA: Oh, God, oh God!

MARISHA: Jesus Christ.

TRAVIS: Oh God, oh God, oh God.

MATT: So–

SAM: Why from there? You’re fine.

TALIESIN: No, stop, don’t.

MARISHA: Yeah, police.

MATT: So, at the top of this combat round, technically, Percy, you have the initiative on this. You are continuing to push through this– this hallway. You haven’t quite even, at a double dash, you can hear explosions in the distance and then you guys watch as suddenly smoke, silt and ash come flying through the tunnel from within immediately followed by the sound of these large, heavy, banging explosions. Some sort of heavy impact, a series of impacts seem to have detonated deep within the tunnel and immediately set everyone in the vicinity on edge knowing that something is still transpiring in a very dangerous way deeper within this tunnel.

TALIESIN: I am throwing on my mask and I am running into the room. I’m actually gonna be spider crawling. I’m gonna be on the– on the walls so that I’m– yeah. I don’t want to be in the line of anything that happens.

MARISHA: That’s awesome.

LIAM: Spider Percy’s my favorite Percy.

MATT: It’s just the feet, Percy.

MARISHA: ♪ Spider Percy, Spider Percy ♪♪

MATT: You can if you want, if you really want to.

SAM: He’s like walking like this?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Running.

SAM: Cool!

TALIESIN: This ain’t Dr. Strange, this is–

LIAM: He’s doing this and nothing’s happening.

TALIESIN: Out of fluid, you know.

LIAM: If anyone can make it, it’s you.

TALIESIN: I know, I got to make– I got to make Spider– Spider Percy.

MATT: So, anyway, that ends your turn. You run past on the side of the wall, as the ash begins to settle around you as you run past, kind of preparing your weapons for a coming confrontation, you glance out to your right and see there the smoldering wreckage of red scales and dragon blood that was once Thordak, the cinder king. You see that and down it’s about– You keep running. You can see a gentle glimmer in the distance of a battlefield, but you’re not quite there yet.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: Okay, the top of the round. The three of you finding yourselves in this circumstance. We go to the lair actions. So, these lair actions are–

LAURA: Oh God.

MATT: Of Thordak’s lair, as this is not Raishan’s lair, but even though Thordak is dead, the lair itself has its own natural, naturally occurring dangers.

TRAVIS: Damn it!

MATT: So.

SAM: What? That don’t make no sense, man. Thordak’s dead. His lair dies with him.

MATT: Over time! Maybe, you don’t know.

TRAVIS: His home security system still pays for it.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Exactly, yeah. It’s– it’s on a recurring subscription plan. So, there will be–

TALIESIN: How do I pee?

MATT: The lava that you had just landed across. So, Vex'ahlia, as you are knocked from the explosions of the meteors from landing on your back, and just barely getting back up to your feet, your vision comes back as you see the stream of lava that’s just barely pouring past. Very slowly begins to…

LAURA: I back up, I back up.

MATT: As it opens and sprays here at 20 foot radius.

LAURA: I climb back up and I bump an egg.

MATT: I’m going to bring out my templates.

TALIESIN: No.

LAURA: This is gonna kill me, isn’t it?

MATT: This will explode and all three of you– I need you all three to make dexterity saving throws.

MARISHA: Oh, boy.

TALIESIN: Yay.

MARISHA: This is great.

LAURA: Cool. This is– is this–

TALIESIN: First roll of 2017.

LAURA: Oh, wait, I’m hasted.

MARISHA: Twenty total.

SAM: Twenty total’s good.

MARISHA: Yeah!

LAURA: Seven.

LIAM: Twenty-seven.

MATT: Okay, that’s fine. So, as it is a hotter, more dangerous vicinity here, the damage is higher, but you all managed to make your saves, so you’re only taking half damage as you all avoid from the spray of magma that just bursts out and splashes in your area.

LIAM: Evasion keeps me at zero, yeah?

MATT: Yes, because you have your rogue evasionness, and it’s three ones, alright.

LAURA: Yay.

TALIESIN: Yay.

MATT: So, that’ll be 18 points of fire damage reduced to nine.

(indistinguishable dialogue)

MARISHA: I mean, I’m not, you know.

LAURA: Still terrified.

MARISHA: Taking it for granted.

(talking over each other)

Yeah, yeah, something like that. Or five, it’s debatable. Depends on the health of the people.

MATT: Next up in the initiative order is Raishan.

LAURA: Oh, good.

MATT: So, as the splash happens, you glance up and you can see what looks to be a series of maybe a dozen or so of these volcanic lava tubes that kind of are these– these caverns roughly the size of a very low live, kind of pushed in cat-like Raishan. You see the head and the tail kind of hanging out the side as Raishan begins to mutter some sort of an incantation under her breath. You hear the echo… (whispering incantation) Between the room as it kind of quivers for a second. And her form just vanishes.

TRAVIS: Damn it.

LIAM: But we saw where she was before she went into–

MATT: You did.

SAM: Fight over, that’s it. That’s great.

LAURA: Oh my God, she– she ran away.

SAM: Alright, let’s mop up here and go home.

TRAVIS: Punk ass, Raishan.

MARISHA: The air ate her.

MATT: I guarantee you that’s probably not the case. No.

TRAVIS: You’re saying there’s a chance.

MATT: Yes. Alrighty.

MARISHA: Dude.

TALIESIN: Just shunned her into invisibility.

MATT: Great. That brings us next to Keyleth’s turn.

LAURA: Keyleth, just kill her. Find her and kill her so we can get–

MARISHA: Whereabouts was she last?

MATT: Last you saw was up in this cavernous area roughly in this portion of the ceiling.

MARISHA: But we can assume she probably went invisible and then moved.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: I could do Faerie Fire on her, but I mean, I don’t know where she is and it’s a 20 foot cube. It’d probably be a waste. So, instead, I’m going to cast Call Lightning at fourth level, and go fire elemental.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: How’s that work?

LAURA: It’s an ongoing– Lightning is an ongoing–

MARISHA: Yeah, it’s a concentration. Yeah, I can make it–

SAM: So it just exists there? Ready to strike?

TALIESIN: Like a ghostbuster.

SAM: Cool.

MATT: So, as you watch Keyleth’s eyes flare with this bright electric kind of blue yellow light, as the ash and bit of dust that has been kind of plummeting from the ceiling from the impact of the meteor swarms and the movement of some now not seeable dragon amongst the ceiling caverns. It gathers into this swirling storm that begins to build and form across the top domed portion of this cavern. As it does, you watch bolts of electricity… Arc through the storm as Keyleth’s form then whooshes into a burst swirl of flaming energy. Her physical body now becoming a swirling fire elemental. You wish to move or you’re gonna stay where you are?

MARISHA: I’m going to take a few steps back and– question. Can I look up and see if, like, the clouds are kind of shaping around like a, you know, roughly dragon shaped body? That make sense?

TALIESIN: She’s looking for disturbances of the force.

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: You gave me that “this is bullshit” look.

TALIESIN: Roll a 29.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s not bad. With perception, perception. Sorry, I’m so nervous, 26.

MATT: Twenty-six. Glancing about between the dust that’s falling, the movement of the storm that you’ve gathered at the roof of the ceiling, you don’t see anything that identifies the location of a dragon now.

MARISHA: Yeah, so it’s fine. So, I’ll take a few steps back.

MATT: So you’re about right there?

MARISHA: Yeah, oh, oh.

TALIESIN: Wow, it’s weirdly mirrored. Okay, that took me a second.

MARISHA: It’s totally mirrored.

TALIESIN: Yeah!

LAURA: Oh!

TALIESIN: Yeah, I know, cool.

LIAM: Your screen is flipped.

LAURA: That’s crazy.

MARISHA: It’s fine. It’s not a problem.

TALIESIN: We have the same view you do.

LAURA: It’s actually, no, I think it’s better, because we’re looking at it from his perspective.

TALIESIN: So, we can say like, “move us down,” and they’ll be towards him now. Yeah.

MARISHA: I’m sorry, so move me–

MATT: Further in?

MARISHA: Yeah, down– down.

SAM: Towards the lava or away from the lava?

MARISHA: Right there, down one more. Other way.

TALIESIN: South.

LAURA: Oh my God.

MARISHA: South. Yeah, that’s good, that’s good.

TALIESIN: There.

MATT: Good, alright.

LAURA: Where’s our pointer?

MATT: Where’s your laser pointers guys?

TALIESIN: Where are our pointers? We need new pointers.

LAURA: It’s been three weeks, Matt.

MATT: It has been, I know.

SAM: We’ve forgotten how to play.

MATT: That’s okay. Alright, so–

MARISHA: It’s like inverted controls.

TALIESIN: I’m taking Diva.

MATT: Now, is that your turn?

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: Alright, finishing Keyleth’s turn. That brings us to Gilmore who’s rushing up past–

LAURA: Come on, Gilmore.

MATT: Keeping up his pace as much as he can. “Oh, boy. I know you guys take me to the nicest places.” And he’s just jogging as best he can. Rushing into the ash cloud as another one pushes through. Some of the wind tending to push and causing swirling little dust devils of ash and cinder. That’s gonna end his turn. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: So you glance up.

LAURA: I glance up.

MATT: You see all this happening, what are you gonna do?

LAURA: I’m gonna get on my broom.

TALIESIN: Get on up.

LAURA: And I’m gonna take a health potion.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: So…

MATT: Regular health potion?

LAURA: I have a Greater.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I have one Greater. So, that’s a what? 4d8?

MATT: A Greater is 4d4 plus four. Remember you guys are pretty low on any powerful potions at this point. You used most of them, so, yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, I had a Greater left. It’s jack shit. Ten, ten whole points.

MATT: There you go, ten points of healing. On your broom.

LAURA: I’m gonna go back towards the entrance. Post up to the entrance, like off the ground as far as I can get.

MATT: That’s about as far as you can get. You want to stay hovering or just like there on the ground?

LAURA: Hovering! Stay off the ground and can I–

MATT: Are you going up ten feet or 20 feet or are you staying just above the ground so you’re not standing on it?

LAURA: I’m gonna go up ten feet.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And if I can be a little bit further away from Keyleth, that’d be clutch.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I mean, I don’t know if it’d be clutch, but it would be helpful. Can I look up, and see if I can see like, dust coming down from any of the holes, to see if Raishan is moving around in the holes on the ceiling–

MATT: Roll a perception check.

LIAM: There’s a storm cloud.

LAURA: I know, I know. Is this pertaining to dragons so I would get advantage?

MATT: Sure.

LAURA: That’s the same thing.

LIAM: Two 13’s.

LAURA: So, perception, so that’s 26.

MATT: Okay, so glancing about, unfortunately, the gathering of the Call Lightning cloud combined with the other dark ash-filled interior, you don’t see anything that signifies the location of a dragon. You do glance over and you notice that where you landed previously, one of the eggs was pretty much just destroyed by this– ‘cause it was the area of the meteor swarm where you guys were hit. So, all gathered here, so this egg right here by where you were, is currently just crushed inward and filled with rock.

MARISHA: And–

LAURA: Really? Is there anything oozing out of it?

MARISHA: Yeah, what’s–

LAURA: I should have looked at it before.

MATT: It’s hard to see, it’s far away, but it looks like the egg has been destroyed.

LAURA: Destroyed?

SAM: Destroyed?

LAURA: She doesn’t care about the eggs.

SAM: Or she didn’t destroy it.

LIAM: Not the Mama!

LAURA: Okay, so I’ve got– I’m so sorry.

MARISHA: That’s true.

TRAVIS: So, it’s covered with rocks.

LAURA: I don’t know where my notes are to see what my spells were from before. I didn’t have it set up cause I’m a horrible person.

MARISHA: But that was from the lair action.

SAM: Yeah, that wasn’t her.

LAURA: Okay, this is– this is the last one. Oh, I didn’t do like any spells before. So, I’m gonna cast– I’m gonna cast Cure Wounds on myself.

MATT: Okay. What level?

MARISHA: Yeah, but does she care or even not care?

TALIESIN: We’ll find out.

LAURA: I’m gonna cast it at third level.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: So, that’s 1d8– 2d8 plus my spell casting modifier.

MATT: So, a 3d8 technically.

LAURA: 3d8?

MATT: Cause if you’re casting at third level, it’s 3d8 plus your spell modifier.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: That’s good, that’s good, that’s good.

MARISHA: This is turning into a Jerry Springer episode. Is she or is she not the mom?

LAURA: No, my modifier, which is my wisdom. Ten plus– Jesus Christ, I’m sorry! Ten plus–

TALIESIN: Three weeks, man.

LAURA: Thirteen points heal.

MARISHA: It’s like riding a bike, riding a bike.

LIAM: Three weeks to stew, everybody.

MATT: Alright, there you go. At the end of your turn– Actually she’s gonna do–

TALIESIN: It’s like riding a bike with pen and paper.

MATT: Okay. You feel this strange, sudden warm tingling sensation separate from the healing spell just in your vicinity. Almost like a warm breeze just kind of passes through you. That’s it.

SAM: Oh, boy.

MATT: End of your turn.

SAM: What does that mean?

LAURA: I don’t know.

SAM: You’ve been cursed forever.

TRAVIS: It’s a bloody fart.

TALIESIN: Farting dragon. Invisible farting dragon.

LAURA: What if that was a baby dragon?

LIAM: I’m gonna take to the air. I’m going to– do I still feel hasted yet?

MATT: You– yes, you do.

LIAM: I’m going to fly past my sister and slap the one Greater healing potion I have into her palm.

LAURA: Oh, thank you.

LIAM: Oh, Superior, excuse me.

LAURA: What?!

LIAM: And then I’m going to curve around over Keyleth and stab the egg there with the Dragon Slayer blade.

SAM: Oh, boy.

MATT: This one?

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Stabbing eggs?

TALIESIN: That should give you a Dragon Slayer bonus also.

MATT: Go ahead and roll for attack.

TRAVIS: Isn’t that poaching?

LIAM: That is 29.

MATT: That hits.

SAM: Go home Travis, you’re drunk.

TRAVIS: I’m working on it.

LAURA: The babies will help us though. What if the babies are cute? Can we raise them?

TALIESIN: No.

MARISHA: You want to try and Daenerys this shit?

TALIESIN: We can raise them by setting them on fire.

MARISHA: We each get one, you guys.

LIAM: Twenty-six.

MATT: Twenty-six points of damage. Alright, you take the blade as you rush up and then hack through it. The blade only gets a few inches into the tough outer exterior of this egg and you have to push and carve through and you do carve a– a sliver through the egg’s shell and a little bit of deep, brownish-maroon liquid begins to spill out of it, but that’s– it’s not a heavy amount of damage to the egg.

LIAM: I’m gonna take Whisper and take that further.

MATT: Go ahead and roll for a secondary attack.

LIAM: That is 28 to hit.

MATT: 28, that hits. I’ll mark the eggs that are damaged and destroyed. This one is…

LIAM: That’s a total of 15.

MATT: Oh, that’s not working too well. Good to know. Total of what?

LIAM: Fifteen.

MATT: Fifteen, okay. With that much damage, the egg begins to crack even further. More of the liquid begins to spill. The blade pulls through and you can see, as you tear a chunk of the actual shell of this egg off and it falls, you have punctured some sort of thick amniotic sac. That’s what the fluid that’s spilling out of it, but you haven’t seemingly touched any sort of flesh or creature within, but the egg is currently has a section that is exposed.

LIAM: And I have– if I’m still hasted, I have a lot of movement left, so I’m going to fly and hover about 15 feet above the egg towards you, towards your DM tape on the side there.

MATT: Over here?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Fifteen feet in the air. I have 120 feet of movement total hasted.

LAURA: So, we were lining up? We’re seriously lining up?

LIAM: No, I’m all the way over there.

LAURA: No, you’re in a line.

LIAM: That’s not where I want to be. I want to be–

MATT: I know, I’m– I’m calculating how much movement you have.

LIAM: I’m arguing with her, not you.

MATT: Ah, no worries.

LIAM: Cause that’s what we do cause we love each other.

MATT: You can get right there.

LIAM: Okay. Fifteen feet in the air.

MATT: Fifteen feet in the air?

LIAM: That’s not the egg that I’m talking about though.

LAURA: Look, I’m talking about–

LIAM: I’m talking about the egg closer to Matt.

LAURA: Yes, there it is.

LIAM: There.

LAURA: That one!

LIAM: This is where I want to go.

LAURA: That’s where you are, dude.

LIAM: That’s over there?

LAURA: Yeah, it’s reverse.

LIAM: It’s the– it’s the flip screen is– I don’t want to go there. I want to go across from everybody. It’s the flip.

SAM: Guys, just don’t look at the TV. Look at the screen.

MATT: Over this way?

TRAVIS: Closer, Matt?

LIAM: I’m gonna kill you all.

MATT: Bear with this, new tech. New year, we’re making this work.

LIAM: There, there. The egg that’s there.

TALIESIN: I have a brilliant solution for this for next time.

MATT: So, from there– yeah. You wouldn’t be able to make it there.

LIAM: Literally, in game.

SAM: Invert controls.

TRAVIS: It’s like a jet fighter.

MARISHA: Battleship.

TALIESIN: We can Battleship it. Next time, next time, we’ll just have a row of letters and a row of numbers. Says move me up to L7.

LAURA: I can’t use inverted controls.

SAM: I only use inverted.

LAURA: Really?

TALIESIN: Isn’t that a great idea?

MATT: Destroyed.

TALIESIN: That was amazing.

MATT: This egg has one crack in the side there. Okay.

LAURA: Did you just mark on your cool eggs?

TRAVIS: He’s using dry erase.

MATT: Wet erase and, you know. It’s fun.

TALIESIN: It’s either that or lick them.

SAM: How many more times are we gonna play with dragon eggs in a year?

TRAVIS: Did you have us on tiny plastic eggs?

MATT: Yeah, so I ordered way too many. I put a bunch in my cart to make sure that I– I didn’t know which one to get and then forgot about it, came back and was like, “Oh shit, I got to order that.” Ended up buying like three bags full.

TALIESIN: What am I gonna do with all these eggs?

MATT: We’ll have egg plastic giveaways. That ends your turn, Vax? Alright. At the end of your turn, Vax, you feel the effect of the haste potion dissipate and your body, all of a sudden, goes from this hyperactive, very familiar mode to extremely lethargic and you find yourself having to fight to catch your breath. So, you can’t take any actions next turn. Can’t do anything.

LAURA: Oh, it’s the potion.

MATT: It’s the potion, it’s not the boots.

LIAM: The boots, right.

MATT: Kima is trying to keep up pace with you, Grog. You’re still in your large form. How long’s that last for?

TRAVIS: Let me check. Enlarge: 10 minutes.

MATT: Yeah, alright, so you’re like bounding through. Kima’s falling behind. As you guys both enter, and continue past you hear the explosions in the distance and all of a sudden, the rolling of smoke and ash rushes past you. The smell doesn’t bother you cause you’ve had the smell of burning beard hair most of this close to your nose. What was once your great bush beard is a little tighter to your face now.

TRAVIS: What?

MATT: You’ve taken a few dragon fire breaths to the face. The fact that you have any hair is by the grace of your ancestral history. That Dwarven belt you have.

TRAVIS: I know, that’s why it’s so precious.

MATT: But are you just going full sprint to catch up with everybody?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Alright.

TRAVIS: I’ll just roll it. I still have Pike with me, right?

MATT: Pike is coming with you, yeah. ‘Cause you picked her up. so you’re just running with Pike. Kima’s just like, “Damn it!” Left in the ash. You, while you were behind, you, with your full speed, being faster than everybody else in this group, you almost catch up entirely to Percy and Gilmore and pretty much on their initiative count going forward, or at least of the arrival count in the next round. That finishes your go. Let’s see. You were after Vax, right?

TRAVIS: Yes, no, no, I was right before Vax.

MATT: Right, so I got a little out of order, sorry, my apologies. Alright, so anyway, it wouldn’t have made a difference. So Kima goes for a run. Pike. Is Pike doing anything on your back?

LAURA: Yes. Pike’s gonna heal you.

TRAVIS: Who?

LAURA: You.

TRAVIS: Me?

SAM: Ran away.

LAURA: Yeah, she’s–

LIAM: Oh, wait, she’s with him.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: He’s carrying her.

LIAM: Nice.

TRAVIS: I got a little backpack.

MARISHA: I was just gonna say, is she Yoda-ing you?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: Is it like a Yoda ituation, that’s awesome.

TRAVIS: The force. That was terrible.

MATT: That was pretty awful, actually.

(talking over each other)

SAM: Hi, I’m Yoda.

TRAVIS: I think that’s his brother, Carl.

LAURA: She’s gonna cast Cure Wounds at third level on him.

TALIESIN: That Seagulls song is so great.

LAURA: So, that’s three d8’s.

MARISHA: One of the best things they’ve done in a while.

TALIESIN: One of the best things they’ve done in a long while.

LAURA: Ooh, that’s pretty good. Sixteen plus her page, her modifier. What is– oh, that’s–

TRAVIS: Wisdom?

LAURA: That’s my page.

LIAM: Clerics are–

MATT: Wisdom, wisdom. Five, so add five to that.

LAURA: Plus five, 18. Twenty-one.

MATT: There you go.

TRAVIS: Thanks, Pike.

LAURA: “Oh, you’re welcome, Grog.”

LIAM: You know.

LAURA: Well, you know.

MATT: Scanlan.

SAM: I will run… my 25 feet, and then pop a potion. Just a normal potion of healing ‘cause that’s all I got.

MATT: So, that’s a 1d– 2d4 plus two.

SAM: Okay. Ooh. 2d4 plus two?

MATT: Yep.

SAM: Five.

MATT: You heal five hit points.

SAM: Great, I’m up to 70.

MATT: Are you– are you doing anything else on your turn? Are you dashing?

SAM: Can I use my action to dash?

MATT: Yes, your action to move again, essentially.

SAM: Okay. I will do such a thing cause I don’t even know. I’m just following people and–

MATT: Yeah, you’re a little bit behind and you’re pretty much– Grog has caught up to you, and you guys are just behind Gilmore and Percy at this point.

SAM: Okay, I’m in front of Grog still?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Damn.

(laughing)

MATT: Well, he was running while you– (breathing heavily)

SAM: Objects in the mirror are gigantic.

MATT: Okay, at the end of your turn–

SAM: I die.

MATT: Vax. You, as you fly over with your wings in the air, looking down at the egg. You feel this sudden warm wind pass through you.

LAURA: What is that?

MARISHA: Fuck, is that her?

MATT: You don’t quite– it seems sourceless, but it just seems to fill you and leave.

LAURA: Does it feel good when it happens or does it feel like–

MATT: It’s just different. It’s already a hot, like you’re all sweating in here, so the fact that you feel something, like, warm briefly comparatively to the temperature around you is what catches your attention. It doesn’t hurt or damage you, but it just seems strange.

TALIESIN: I don’t like any of this.

MARISHA: I don’t like any of it.

SAM: It’s menopause.

(laughing)

LAURA: It’s natural.

LIAM: You ruined the surprise.

TRAVIS: I cast Menopause on you.

LIAM: I’ll pretend like I suffer it myself.

MATT: Okay, good.

TRAVIS: You bastard.

MATT: Percival, we’re up at the top of the initiative.

TALIESIN: I’m running my way in there.

MATT: Alright. So… Alrighty. Percival, at a full run. If you go full run, you’ll manage to get just barely inside the cavern about there.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: Right there.

TALIESIN: That’ll do.

MATT: So, that’ll be your turn. There’s still a bonus action if you have any use for it, so.

TALIESIN: I don’t really have– Mostly I just want to use my bonus action to take in everything and look around and have a– have a good, good serious look. In fact, I’ll even take a perception roll if I can have one.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Okay.

SAM: Just a good sit and think.

TALIESIN: Let’s get– okay, no never mind. That’s pretty good. Wow, it has been a while. Twenty-five.

MATT: Twenty-five. Glancing around, you see a fire elemental that briefly startles you as you kind of whip around in that direction, but you recognize–

MARISHA: And like, it’s got antlers, and I’m like… (grunts)

TALIESIN: I love Hannibal too, it’s great. Okay. Eggs, dust.

MATT: Yeah, you see eggs. One is destroyed and just leaking out and like a series of boulders and what looks like some sort of a large, concave impression on the top. There are eggs scattered throughout the area. There’s a giant storm cloud gathering in the roof of the cavern, and there is the large pool of lava with the small pool over there. You see occasional glimmers of what look like coin in the distance.

TALIESIN: Can you put me, like, on the wall just cause I don’t think I’d be– I was still spider crawling so even on top of the little wall thing, if you want.

MATT: Sure, I’ll put you there. Sure, why not, Percy?

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: You’re welcome.

TALIESIN: That makes me happy.

LIAM: How high is it to these holes in the ceiling from–

MATT: I’d say it’s about 60, 70 feet up?

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: Cool, cool.

MATT: Yeah, the whole cavern’s kind of domed like this. Alrighty, then, that’s Percy’s turn. Another lair action’s going to transpire.

SAM: Oh. This one’s a good one. This one heals everybody.

MATT: Yeah. There is a fissure that erupts over in this side of the room. The ground kind of cracks open and this– You’ve seen it happen once. A plume of poisonous gas fills this space here.

LAURA: It’s okay, we’re immune to poison.

MATT: Let’s see. I need– I need you, Vex, to make a constitution saving throw.

LAURA: Even I’m immune to poison? Oh, no.

MARISHA: Really? Even with Hero’s Feast?

SAM: Oh, no.

MARISHA: Oh, shit.

LAURA: I got plus two for the ring. So, 11.

SAM: Eleven.

MATT: Okay, good, I’ll keep that in mind.

TALIESIN: That’s a number.

MATT: Okay. It is now…

TRAVIS: What does that mean? What does it mean?

LAURA: Slowly my skin starts to melt off my body.

MATT: Yeah, you just– the cloud kind of fills the area and you start coughing, that’s it. It hasn’t gone your turn yet, so, it is now Raishan’s turn. Legendary actions are restored.

TALIESIN: I hate all of this. Oh, good, I was worried about her legendary actions.

MARISHA: Are you being facetious?

TALIESIN: I don’t know what that means.

LAURA: Whose turn is it right now? It’s Raishan’s?

MATT: It’s Raishan’s turn. Deciding what to do. Okay.

TALIESIN: I don’t know the meaning of the word.

MATT: Um…

SAM: This is fun. Just good, clean fun.

MATT: Percival.

SAM: Oh.

MATT: As you’re running along the wall, and you glance in the vicinity, you see the cloud of poison kind of burst from the ground and you’re just out of the range of it. I’m sorry, it’s just within your range from where the–

TALIESIN: I’m wearing my mask.

MATT: Yeah, you have your mask on.

TALIESIN: I don’t know if it actually helps, but there we are.

TRAVIS: You look fabulous.

MATT: So, as you’re standing kind of amongst this– this fume, you see this within this, this cloud, a kind of strange burst of very, very faint light in your area and you feel, even in this heated room, a sudden surge of heat within your kind of torso region and then it fades.

LAURA: What does it mean?! It’s freaking me the fuck out.

TRAVIS: She’s blazing us, ya’ll. She’s lighting us up.

LAURA: What if it’s like–

TRAVIS: Doesn’t Hunter’s Mark feel like something sometimes?

LAURA: Oh my God, that’s right. What if she’s like marking us for death or something?

MATT: You now can faintly hear what sounds like… There are footsteps moving through the tunnels, but you’re unable in the current chaos and the obscured vision to see where it’s happening but there is movement happening above you throughout the cavern.

TALIESIN: My save versus magic would not help with this at all. Cabal’s Ruin would not help with this. Okay, just checking.

MATT: Okay. That ends Raishan’s turn. That’s gonna bring us to Keyleth.

MARISHA: Okay. Really unsure of what’s going on, so I’m just going to…

TRAVIS: Laser pointer right here.

LAURA: Laser pointer.

MARISHA: Thank you. I’m gonna go to that egg right here that Vax was wailing on.

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: And try and finish it off.

MATT: Okay, you move up and as you get to the edge of it, you can see now the light that your body’s giving off. So, the fire elemental is glinting off of piles of gold and platinum that are kind of gathered around the egg. About a third of it is still submerged in volcanic rock and has been placed here for quite some time.

LAURA: Don’t let me die, I need to loot.

MATT: You can see the crack in the exterior of the egg and the kind of thick purplish amniotic fluid that is slowly dribbling down like a– like a slow moving molasses or sap from the wound left behind by Vax.

MARISHA: I’m gonna do two slam attacks.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Multi attack. Uh, wait. Those were both nines. Which is– so 15 total. To hit?

MATT: Fifteen to hit? It does hit, yes.

MARISHA: Okay, and that is–

MATT: Only because he pre-damaged it to that point. You’re basically attacking through the shell of the egg. Removed a portion of its armor, so otherwise–

TALIESIN: You’re punching a dragon fetus right now.

MARISHA: I am totally punching a dragon–

TALIESIN: That’s like so eggs benedict.

MARISHA: Plus six, so that’s a ten. Fourteen, eighteen damage.

MATT: Okay. So, you plunge your flaming fist into the fluid. You hear it immediately sizzle as your fist goes into it. You punch something dense on the inside.

(groaning)

LAURA: Oh, you punched a baby dragon.

LIAM: Good.

LAURA: “Good.”

MARISHA: Okay, that’s my turn.

LAURA: In the head.

MATT: You did both of those slam attacks?

MARISHA: Those were both– those my attacks.

MATT: You rolled a 15 and a–

MARISHA: I rolled two nine’s and I have a plus six.

MATT: Oh!

MARISHA: I rolled both of 'em twice.

MATT: Oh, oh, so you rolled 15 both times.

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: Got you. Then how much damage did you total?

MARISHA: Eighteen.

MATT: Eighteen from both attacks?

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: Okay, cool. Alright, so, with both slams, the first fist goes in and slams and hits something. The second time you reach in and slamming, you grab it and pull out, as you kind of yank out of the egg just a little bit, you see what looks like the snout of a very tiny Thordak essentially. But whereas the red dragon you saw Thordak, that was like partially volcanic, crystalline with the burning eyes, this creature is seemingly made from pure primordial fire and rock. This is a whole new form of dragon.

MARISHA: He made them clones.

LAURA: What if he made– what if it’s one for every member of the Conclave?

MARISHA: How many are there?

LAURA: There’s five eggs, but one is crushed and that would be Raishan and there would be nothing in it.

SAM: What?

MARISHA: Wait, are we sure there was nothing in it?

LAURA: I don’t know.

MARISHA: Do you want to go check and see if there was something in it?

TRAVIS: Covered in rock, we can’t see.

MARISHA: Are there five– there are five eggs?

SAM: Or he was making their own basketball team.

MATT: There are five eggs that you can see currently.

LIAM: And they’re all red, they’re all red.

MATT: They’re all red, yes.

LAURA: Okay, well, they’re all red. Maybe they’re all Thordak’s.

MARISHA: They’re little clones?

TALIESIN: If they’re clones, maybe it’s literally five new breeds of dragon.

LAURA: Oh my God.

TRAVIS: Only one way to find out.

MARISHA: Yeah, only one way to find out. Let’s bust open another one.

LAURA: Is it still alive?

TALIESIN: What do you call the little chocolate eggs?

LAURA: Is it alive?

MARISHA: Is it alive or did I kind of kill it by–

MATT: You kind of killed it. It’s currently limp in your grasp.

SAM: Hey, you killed a dragon.

LAURA: Good job.

MARISHA: “I did it! I got one!”

MATT: Keyleth, the dragon snapper.

TALIESIN: This is the like the Westworld version of killing a dragon.

SAM: How do you want to do this? Sunny side up.

(laughing)

TALIESIN: Benedict.

MATT: Perfect. You still have some movement, Keyleth, if you want to move still.

MARISHA: I do, don’t I. I want to start heading towards Vax.

MATT: Towards Vax this way, okay. What’s your movement in fire elemental form?

MARISHA: Fifty feet.

MATT: Fifty feet? You get about there, however, unaffected by fire and–

MARISHA: And I’m, like, hovering.

MATT: You’re comfortable in this.

MARISHA: It’s like a spa.

MATT: Kinda yeah. It’s tingly.

MARISHA: It’s like a hot spring.

MATT: It’s perfect. Alright, that ends your turn. Gilmore, just at a full run gets up to the side here, and is kind of flanking. He enters the space, pushes up against the wall and just kind of surveys the territory. He looks spooked but also kind of in that, “Well, we’re here” type mentality. Looks about the room and goes, “Everyone all right? Please tell me everyone’s all right.” (coughing) (whimpering) “Great.” That ends Gilmore’s turn as he just arrives. Grog. (roars) You just come sprinting in.

TRAVIS: Can I smack Shaun’s ass as I go by? Going, “Come on, Shaun.”

MATT: Sure.

LIAM: Shaun breaks in half.

MATT: You aren’t stealthy, and as you run by, Shaun sees you about to swing and goes like, “Fine.” Whack! Might have dislocated his hip. He’s like… (strained laugh) “I’ll charge you later.”

LAURA: That’s gonna be a bruise on the ass for sure.

MATT: You get about there and you are– Pike is technically on your space, kind of clutching to your shoulders. We’ll say back here. Little Yoda backpack.

TRAVIS: Do I get any additional movement or am I just here now?

MATT: You are a little bit behind everybody. You’ve just now caught up to everybody, and that’s– Just your full double run and you just arrived at the edge of the map.

TRAVIS: “I’m here. Let the piñatas begin.”

SAM: “Okay, what’s a piñata?”

TRAVIS: “I don’t know, I thought it was a celebration. Is it not?”

MARISHA: You should ask Sam.

SAM: Hola, me llamo Sam Riegel.

MARISHA: Yeah, there you go.

TALIESIN: ¿Donde está la biblioteca?

MATT: Alright, that’ll bring us to Vex’s turn.

LAURA: Oh, okay, alright.

MATT: At the top of your turn, the poison has filled your lungs and while you suffer no damage, you are incapacitated. You are just in a coughing fit, almost falling off of your broom. Like sliding off to the side and just… (coughing) And you just can’t do anything.

LAURA: I can’t do anything?

MATT: Nope.

LAURA: It was a whole fucking turn?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Gone.

MARISHA: So, both the twins have no turns.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: The poison has completely filled you to the point where you’re seizing. You feel the muscles tightening up, and–

LAURA: It’s not hurting me–

MATT: It’s not hurting you, but you’re unable to do anything.

TRAVIS: Sulfurous gas. It wrecks your shit.

LIAM: Welcome to Hot Pepper Gaming.

LAURA: That’s good, because you know what? I didn’t have anything planned and it would have been a cluster fuck like last time, so fuck it.

MATT: Vax. You currently are just kinda like… (gasping) Taking a breath, your vision kind of blurs for a moment and you can see the double vision trying to align. It comes in to focus and you see Keyleth’s fire elemental form kind of gliding across. You see the edge of your sister currently shadowed against this cloud of toxic, sulfurous gas that is spewed up from the ground. You can hear her coughing in the distance. You see a bunch of your allies now beginning to just show up on the outside of the room’s kind of lit interior, and it takes you the full round to kind of catch your breath.

LIAM: No movement either, yeah?

MATT: Let me double check actually. I’m pretty sure… Let me see here. Can’t move or take actions until next turn, so no. Alright, so that ends the end of Vax’s turn. Let’s see, at the end of your turn. There is going to be…

LIAM: This is fucking– (indistinct whispering)

SAM: Did I–did I get a turn? No, I did mine already.

MATT: Yeah, we’re gonna get to yours.

LIAM: I’m still in the same position 15 feet up that I was. MATT: You are, yes. Yeah, your wings are just like… Grog, you see this kind of faint glimmer of energy around you and you instinctually kind of like… (grunts) (growls) But no temperature change. Nothing seems to happen.

TRAVIS: Do I smell anything?

MATT: You smell sweaty gnome in metal armor.

LAURA: “Sorry.”

TRAVIS: “Honestly, really? I mean, come on.”

LIAM: “I’m just a little nervous is all.”

TRAVIS: “Did you eat mustard pretzels before this, my god?”

LIAM: “Maybe.”

LAURA: “You know how they make me calm.”

TRAVIS: Calm?

SAM: Double Ashley is the best Ashley.

MATT: Kima’s running, desperately trying to catch up. But she’s not quite in the battlefield yet. It’s Pike’s go.

LIAM: Pike, Pike, it’s your turn.

LAURA: Okay, okay.

LIAM: Yeah, let’s buff everybody.

LAURA: Yeah, so she’s gonna cast– what she should do mass–

MARISHA: Is there anything that could help with the stuff that has been magically cast on us?

TALIESIN: We don’t actually know what’s been done.

LAURA: Oh, on everybody and it’s 30 feet. How far– Can she move up and get– How many people can she get in a 30 foot cone?

MATT: A 30 foot cone?

LAURA: A 30 foot radius.

MATT: From where she is, it’s six squares.

LIAM: But she can move forward.

MATT: She can move 25 squares right now. She’s been on Grog’s back. She can kind of like leap off and–

LIAM: But she could get closer to–to Vex, right?

LAURA: Vex and Percy and Grog?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: She’s right here, she can move this way or this way or wherever you want.

LAURA: Let’s– okay.

MARISHA: Here, guys.

TRAVIS: Here’s a pointer.

MARISHA: Laser pointer.

LIAM: If she gets near Vex, then she can get Grog, Gilmore, Percy.

LAURA: Maybe like in that area?

LIAM: Yeah, yeah.

LAURA: Or like, no.

LIAM: Closer to Percy.

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: This– she’ll just be on the outskirts of getting Percy and can get all the rest of you guys.

LIAM: Keyleth as well?

TALIESIN: She doesn’t really need it.

LIAM: Why not?

MATT: She can just catch Keyleth.

LAURA: Yeah, sweet, that’s great. Then she casts Beacon of Hope from there.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: What did that do, oh, that was–

LAURA: That gives you advantage on wisdom saving throws, death saving throws, regains max number of hit points for healing.

MATT: Or it would, possibly.

SAM: Oh, shit. There’s interferon.

LIAM: Gilmore stabs Vax.

LAURA: I’m hitting him with the laser.

SAM: Don’t blind our DM.

TALIESIN: I can’t see the die, I’m gonna assume it was an natural 20.

MATT: I’d roll again. There we go, that’s we’re looking for. Okay. It’s a natural 20, so yeah. There is a burst of greenish blue arcane energy that just kind of… around Pike as she tries to cast the spell. The spell fizzles.

MARISHA: She got Counterspelled.

LAURA: Oh! I hate her!

TRAVIS: We’re in a no magic zone.

LAURA: No, it’s just–

SAM: No magic works here. Don’t even try.

LAURA: Alright.

TRAVIS: Just ruins everything I was gonna do.

LAURA: Great.

TALIESIN: It’s okay, she burned a Counterspell.

LAURA: Great.

MATT: Scanlan, your turn.

SAM: I move as far as I can.

MATT: You…

SAM: Did I make it in?

MATT: Running up, you’re like just on the outskirts. You get caught up right about there in the center of the room. That’s as far as you can get. SAM: Alright. Can I yell out?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: “Where’s Raishan?”

LAURA: (coughing)

LIAM: “Ceiling.”

TRAVIS: “I just got here.”

LIAM: “She’s in the fucking ceiling, man.”

SAM: “She’s in the ceiling?”

LIAM: “Yeah.”

LAURA: (coughing)

LIAM: I’m sorry: Alien. Ceiling!

MARISHA: They’re in the walls. The goddamn walls.

MATT: It would have taken you moving action to get there. You have a bonus if you want to take it.

SAM: Bonus? Bonus, I will– shit.

TALIESIN: You’ll shit?

SAM: Bonus.

LIAM: True to form.

SAM: No, I’ll heal myself again. I’ll do a second level.

MATT: Healing Word?

SAM: Healing Word.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: So that’s 2d4 plus–

MATT: 2d4 plus six, yeah.

MARISHA: Oh, yay.

SAM: Twelve, okay.

MARISHA: That’s better, that’s good. Good job. Good job.

SAM: Gerd jerb.

TALIESIN: Gerd jerb.

SAM: Great, I’ll take it. Back up to something.

MATT: Perfect. Let’s see here. That ends Scanlan’s turn. Percy, you’re up.

TALIESIN: Alright, I’m gonna use Animus and I’m gonna take some potshots at that egg that’s on the other side of Grog.

MATT: Over here?

TALIESIN: Yeah. Is that one of the dead one or is that the–

MATT: That was the one that Keyleth just punched.

TALIESIN: That you just punched through?

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

TALIESIN: Okay, in that case, I’m gonna keep–

MATT: You see no other eggs where you currently are. Except the one that’s right over here. You could technically fire at the one that’s across the way.

TALIESIN: I’m gonna actually start walking along the wall. This way as far as I can go.

LIAM: Oh, he’s sticking to it, yeah.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: That’s cool.

LAURA: Hey, look, an egg.

TALIESIN: And I know, like, I’m too close to shoot at that egg, but I can shoot at–

MARISHA: It’s like an Easter egg hunt.

LAURA: But you’re above it. Aren’t you high on the wall?

TALIESIN: Technically, I am far away enough from it that I shouldn’t–

MATT: Do you want to go further on here or on this alcove here?

TALIESIN: Further like– like this direction. I want to head this way.

MATT: Okay, so you’re moving across the wall. You end at about there at full movement.

TALIESIN: Okay, and I’m too close to the egg to get a clean shot at it right now, right?

MATT: Well, I mean–

TALIESIN: I’ve got some height, so.

MATT: Yeah, you could–

TALIESIN: I’m using a one-handed, so. I’m gonna fire with Animus. I’m gonna take three pot shots at it with Sharpshooter. Shot number one. Yay, that could have been terrible. 26.

MATT: 26 hits.

TALIESIN: Should I just roll all three and then do damage?

MATT: Sure.

TALIESIN: Okay. 26, um, 14.

MATT: Fourteen does not hit.

TALIESIN: That’s fine.

MARISHA: Oh, man.

TALIESIN: And 16.

MATT: Sixteen does not hit.

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m firing really terribly, but that’s okay.

LIAM: Hanging off a wall.

TALIESIN: Hanging off a wall, this is new. Let me get my dice. That’s alright. Twenty-three points of damage plus four psychic damage.

MATT: Okay. Alright, so, first shot. It pierces through and actually cracks part of the egg. You can see it’s almost like a spider spiral where the egg interior cracks inward. It pierces and a little bit of dark liquid begins to pool out of it. That’s as much as you make as the next two shots seem to ricochet off of its hard shell.

TALIESIN: Alright, that’s my– Yeah, I’m just gonna use my bonus to reload and take some more shots.

TRAVIS: ♪ Dancing on the ceiling ♪ ♪ Oh, what a feeling ♪♪

SAM: Best music video.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: It’s like a piñata. ¿No sé?

MATT: Okay. Suddenly, the entire lair begins to shake.

TRAVIS: Shit.

TALIESIN: Goddammit.

MATT: Like this tremor begins to emanate from the ceiling portion of this. Pieces of rock begin to… Fall from the ceiling. I need… The guys who are flying, so, Keyleth, Vax and Vex, don’t worry about this. Everyone else, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

SAM: Even me, I’m barely in the room?

MATT: It’s a big radius.

SAM: I got one foot out. What is it dex–?

MATT: Dexterity.

TALIESIN: That’s better.

TRAVIS: Ten.

SAM: Seventeen.

TALIESIN: Fifteen.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Five.

MATT: Five, okay. Pike…

LAURA: Oh, I’m sorry.

MATT: Grog-- both lose your footing and plummet backward. Gilmore rolls a natural 20, he’s fine.

LAURA: Hey!

MARISHA: Hey!

MATT: “Oh ho. Great dodger, since I was 12.” Yeah, Percy, you manage to just barely hold on without losing your the–

TALIESIN: Thankfully my spider sense tingled.

MATT: Oh!

MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: I almost want you to just go home for that.

TALIESIN: Now I’m gonna fall.

TRAVIS: A whole bunch of cheese here.

MATT: Yep. Okay. That ends the lair action.

LAURA: Next turn with disadvantage.

(laughing)

MATT: It is now Raishan’s turn.

LAURA: Oh, that was a lair action?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Oh, Jesus.

TRAVIS: We should just call that Raishan’s turn.

MATT: Nah. You watch as through the cloud of lightning that’s kind of swirling, a small dragon-like form just pierces through momentarily. It’s still see-through. You can see the rest of the swirling storm around it, but it’s enough of that Predator-like appearance, where it just shapes and shimmies, or shimmers through the vicinity. It shimmies through. As it does, you watch this claw kind of lift up as this low echoing voice… (whispering in foreign language)

LAURA: This is all of us with the light. All of us with the heat.

TALIESIN: Okay, what is this?

LAURA: It’s gonna do something, I know it.

TALIESIN: We’re– we’re all–

MATT: Okay, 30 foot cubes.

TALIESIN: We’re all just gonna turn inside out and that’ll be the end.

TRAVIS: We’ll all turn into chickens.

TALIESIN: It’s gonna be like John Carpenter’s The Thing.

TRAVIS: And then the eggs will turn into big chickens.

LIAM: First, we’ll all mash together.

TALIESIN: And then get separated out into equal piles.

LAURA: Oh, geeze.

MATT: Yeah, 30 foot cube. I can only get– she can only get Vex, Pike and Grog, but I need the three of you to make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: Constitution?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Damn it!

TALIESIN: ♪ Constitution ♪ ♪ Come on ♪♪

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: So, that’s good. I don’t get any bonus though. Twenty-one?

TALIESIN: Nice.

LIAM: Oh, thank God.

TRAVIS: Twenty-seven.

MATT: Okay, and Pike?

LAURA: Oh, oh. You roll for Pike.

LIAM: Okay. She gets the meteor. I hope it’s good. It’s a one.

LAURA: Oh, no!

MATT: Well, Vex and Pike both failed.

LAURA: Oh, that’s as high as I get without a natural 20, man!

MATT: It’s a spell DC of 22, I’m sorry.

SAM: Whoa.

MATT: You and Pike both suffer 57 points of necrotic damage.

LAURA: Fucking shit!

TRAVIS: Oh, fuck.

MATT: Grog, you take half as much. So, it’d be 28. Twenty-eight points necrotic damage. Suddenly, you feel the very air itself go gray. The color is taken from your vision and your life force is drawn out of you through Abi-Dalzim’s Horrid Wilting.

SAM: Horde wilting?

MATT: Horrid Wilting. The air is drawn from your lungs. You feel your skin crack and tighten against your skeleton.

MARISHA: Adele Dazeem’s–

MATT: Adele Dazeem’s Horrid Wilting.

(laughing)

TRAVIS: Amazing, yes. Change it, don’t ever say it right.

MATT: That’s what it is now going forward.

LAURA: Man!

SAM: Are you alive?

LAURA: No, I’m– I’m unconscious, so is Pike. Both of us.

MATT: Oh, shit. Well, Pike is not unconscious.

(gasps)

LAURA: Pike came back.

MATT: Wait, did her armor get used last battle? I don’t think it did.

LAURA: It didn’t?

TRAVIS: It got used once, where was it?

TALIESIN: Previously, in a previous battle.

LAURA: Against?

TALIESIN: Fire giant.

LAURA: Oh, yeah.

TALIESIN: How do I remember this? That’s horrifying.

MATT: The fire giant of–

TALIESIN: At the battle at the–

LIAM: In the fire fort.

MATT: To the fort, yes.

LAURA: Oh, at Fort Daxio.

LIAM: Yep, yep, yep.

MATT: You are correct.

LAURA: Okay, so Pike’s alive.

MATT: With how many hit points?

MARISHA: Jesus, that was an eighth level necromancy spell.

LAURA: No, no, no, she got five hit points.

MATT: So, Pike is at five hit points.

LAURA: And are there any eggs within 15 feet of her?

MATT: Nope.

LAURA: Is there a Raishan within 15 feet of her?

MATT: Nope.

LAURA: Well, then, fuck it.

MATT: But Vex plummets out of the poison cloud off of her broom, slams into the ground and clatters, spinning and falling to the ground not moving.

LAURA: Thanks for knocking over the little cube too. I like that added.

TALIESIN: Backhanding it, no less.

TRAVIS: Damn.

MATT: Alrighty.

TRAVIS: Are there lasting effects from Adele Nazeem’s wilting? Like are we halved or anything?

MATT: From what you know, no.

LAURA: “From what you know.”

TRAVIS: It just sucks right now is all I know. Everything just sucks.

SAM: Jesus!

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: So, that– that is gonna end Raishan’s turn. The form is still somewhat visible, though, transparent. It took her full movement to even get to that point.

MARISHA: And where is she, she still on the ceiling?

MATT: To give you a position, right now… It’s right there.

SAM: Forty, fifty feet up?

MATT: Though transparent. It’s 50 feet up.

TRAVIS: Fuck.

TALIESIN: Oh, don’t do that then.

LAURA: Oh, I just remembered.

TALIESIN: You left the gas on.

TRAVIS: And she’s 40, 40 up?

MATT: Fifty feet up.

SAM: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

MATT: So, Keyleth, what are you doing?

MARISHA: Okay. I can still see her a little bit.

SAM: This is a dragon fight, guys.

MATT: Yeah, you can barely make out the– the outline.

MARISHA: Okay, so since she’s in my cloud, I’m going to kind of like, do one of those sideways arcing lightning strikes. Just… and arc everything right towards that bitch.

MATT: Great, go for it.

MARISHA: She just takes damage, right?

MATT: For Call Lightning, no, you have to roll– No, sorry, a creature has to make a dexterity saving throw. So, what’s your DC?

MARISHA: Twenty.

MATT: Twenty?

LAURA: How many lightnings are heading towards her?

MATT: Nineteen. Total of ten plus nine.

MARISHA: Yes!

TRAVIS: Wow!

MATT: That’s 4d10.

MARISHA: Yes, it is!

SAM: Whoa.

MATT: Lightning damage.

MARISHA: Yep, yep! 4d10. Okay, I rolled that.

TALIESIN: You rolled well.

MARISHA: I rolled okay. I actually rolled– did roll real well. You’re right, I rolled well. Nine, nine, 18. Plus eight, that is 26 damage.

MATT: Nice. You watch as the form tries to pull itself back into the cloud, the cloud lights up with this crackling reddish pink electrical energy that then turns to a bright burning red as it arcs past and slams into her. You watch the energy arc across the body of Raishan, the dragon. (snarling)

TALIESIN: Does she have to make a concentration save?

MATT: She does.

TALIESIN: To remain invisible?

MATT: Yeah, she’s fine.

TRAVIS: “Yeah, she’s fine.” Fifty-seven.

MARISHA: I still have movement, right?

MATT: You do, yes. Your full movement, you haven’t moved yet. You just pulled it down in that one moment.

MARISHA: I am going to head towards the egg that got cracked open that’s in the center there.

MATT: Over there?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. You can go all the way over to it.

MARISHA: Can I do a bonus action to like, examine?

MATT: I mean, you can make a perception check and look at it. If you want to rummage through it, that’ll probably take your action.

MARISHA: Okay, I’ll do just a perception check right now.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Twenty-three.

MATT: Okay, as soon as you rush up and get a glance at it, you can see that a lot of the dark, purplish maroon fluid that filled most of the egg is just coating the outside of the egg’s shell and there are a series of rocks and pieces of rubble from the initial meteor swam impact that has just sundered this egg. It’s about half the height of the others, it’s just all that’s been kinda collapsed inward. This egg is ruined.

TALIESIN: So, we have two ruined eggs at this point.

MARISHA: And no sign of a–

SAM: And one almost ruined.

MARISHA: And no sign of a dragon baby?

MATT: Nothing you can see.

MARISHA: Alright.

TALIESIN: Might be just deep in there and flattened.

MARISHA: Flattened, yeah, that’s my turn.

TALIESIN: Could have just been a bad egg.

MATT: Ending Keyleth’s turn, that brings us to Gilmore. Gilmore watching this happen, watching Vex go down. Let’s see what he does here. (indistinct muttering)

MARISHA: Oh, that’s funny.

TALIESIN: Like five of them in here. Do something about this.

MATT: Okay, as Raishan’s form is up there he goes, (sighs) “Not today, not ever!” And releases his hand like this and you watch as a burst of strangely shifting rippling arcane energy similar to the same ripple that is shrouding Raishan seems to kind of scatter up in that direction. He’s going to attempt to…

MARISHA: Come on.

MATT: With his successful dispel magic, Raishan– the form becomes completely visible now. The invisibility has worn off. And is now standing completely visible. As this happens, Raishan… (snarls) “I will enjoy eating the flesh from your bones.”

SAM: Oh. Did she say “balls”?

LAURA: Yeah, definitely.

MATT: Definitely said balls. No.

MARISHA: Dragon delicacy.

MATT: Gilmore is then going to… Gilmore goes from excitement to “Shit.”

TRAVIS: Not my balls!

MATT: He’s going to– knowing the tactics that are being used, he’s gonna try to spread out from the rest of the group. Over here towards the destroyed egg across the wall. That’s going to end Gilmore’s turn. This brings us to Grog.

TRAVIS: Uh, can I get up, please?

MATT: You can.

TALIESIN: Get on up.

LAURA: Get on up!

TRAVIS: Can I see Vex sprawled out?

MATT: You do, yes.

TRAVIS: Yeah, can I run to Vex?

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: (humming) I have one really– what’s the really big potion? Is it the Superior?

LIAM: Superior.

TRAVIS: I have one of those. Can I shove it in her gullet?

MATT: You can, it’ll take your action to do it.

LAURA: Oh. You don’t have to Grog, it’s okay. I mean–

TRAVIS: Okay, I want you to reroll a character. Here we go. I’m going to take my axe and– Yeah, I shove it in her mouth.

MATT: Superior, that is 8d4 plus 8.

TRAVIS: Oh, I got to roll it?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh, gee– oh man.

LAURA: Wait, 8d4. (indistinct) Whoa, 17.

TRAVIS: Twenty-four.

LIAM: Plus eight.

TRAVIS: Thirty-two.

LAURA: Thirty-two? That was insane, Grog!

MATT: So with that, your eyes come into focus, Vex, as you feel the clatter of glass against your teeth, the vial being pulled from your mouth. You kind of cough for a second. Come into conscious as Grog, in his giant form, cradling you like a tiny baby in his one giant mitt. Just kind of smiles.

TALIESIN: It’s like a Terry Gilliam movie.

LAURA: “Thanks.” (snarls) (laughing) Go rage!

MATT: Alright, don’t forget you do have a point of exhaustion, as you’ve gone– unless you’ve continued your rage this whole time, which you can, so never mind.

TRAVIS: Yeah, just rolling through.

MATT: You got that now. You’re just like a freak.

TRAVIS: I might have chipped a tooth…

LAURA: All good. All good, all good.

TRAVIS: Like Mentos and Coke.

MATT: You’re like drink it, drink it. Alright, great, that ends Grog’s turn. Vex, you are conscious, prone, but conscious.

LAURA: God, okay. Fuck. Can I shoot from my laying down position?

MATT: You can, I’d say your attacks would have disadvantage.

LAURA: Okay, then I’m gonna get up on my knee and shoot up. Cause I just wake up and see her right above me, don’t I?

MATT: Yep, you do.

LAURA: Alright, then I’m gonna try to– Oh wait, I already used Brambleshot, or at least, I tried to today.

MATT: You did, yeah.

LAURA: So, I’m gonna shoot her.

MATT: Do it!

LAURA: Can I Hunter’s Mark her first, though?

MATT: You certainly can.

LAURA: Hey! I don’t get sneak attack. Nobody’s near her, right?

MATT: That was– that was great. Gilmore rolled a 19 on the dispel.

LAURA: Nineteen?

MATT: Yeah, that was really good.

LAURA: Oh, that’s what I rolled.

MATT: Oh, did you?

LAURA: As well.

MATT: Nice, look at that, you and Gilmore just synchronizing.

MATT: And 19’s your total?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Misses.

LAURA: Fuckin’ A. That one, I hope, 28.

MATT: Hits.

LAURA: Okay, so 28 on the second one. Oh God, what’s happening?

MARISHA: I don’t know.

LAURA: Sixteen plus three points of lightning.

TALIESIN: I’m not gonna play that game, man. Not playing. I’m not playing this game no more. It’s not the time.

MATT: Did you include your damage for it being a dragon?

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: Alright. So now you can see Raishan emerging from one of the volcanic caves. The storm’s swirling around her, as she begins to pull back into it, you fire two arrows. One gets lost, the other one– (snarling) Into the side of her throat.

LAURA: Can I move– can I move…

MATT: You move three squares.

LAURA: Can I get on my broom?

MATT: You get onto your broom, yeah.

LAURA: Like move a one square away.

MATT: One square?

LAURA: Yeah. Away from Grog and Pike, yeah. Like that makes any difference, but–

MATT: Okay, perfect.

TALIESIN: It’s a start.

LAURA: Thanks, Grog.

TRAVIS: (snarls)

MATT: Ends Vex’s turn, Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: Okay, just to clarify, so looking at the minis. The back side’s to me, but really, her face is poking out of a hole, right?

MATT: Like the front half is.

LIAM: Front half of her and she’s– and she’s at the roof which is 70 feet up, so maybe her head is down, like, five feet out, ten feet out, something like that?

MATT: Roughly, yeah.

LIAM: Alright, I want to, and I’m–I’m back, right? After…

MATT: You have now– Yeah, you’ve regained your composure. However your other potion has now worn off. You are no longer–

LAURA: Invulnerable?

LIAM: I want to fly–

LAURA: Oh!

LIAM: Go ahead.

LAURA: My hasted had worn off, right? I just assumed it had, okay.

LIAM: So, if I’m 15 feet up and she’s, maybe, 65 down, I’m within range for sharpshooter already.

MATT: Technically, yeah.

LIAM: So, and– and last question. When you do– for duel wielding, action– bonus action, but you told me once you can reverse that and do bonus action and action. I think.

MATT: The bonus attack is part of your attack action, so it’s actually after your–

LIAM: Never mind then. I’m gonna fly straight at her face, and I’m gonna shove the Dragon Slayer sword into her mouth and I want to try to sever her fucking tongue out of her mouth.

SAM: Oh!

LAURA: Whoa!

LIAM: Terrible. Whisper, I’m gonna do the same thing with the bonus action. That is 26.

MATT: Twenty-six to hit, that hits.

LIAM: Ten plus four, psychic damage 14.

MATT: Fourteen points of damage. Okay, so you go for the tongue and you get the blade up to the mouth. Suddenly, her looking down and having a very, very wide view of the entire battlefield is very advantageous from her perspective. She sees you out of the corner of her eye, she turns to try and snap at you, and the jaws come down and catch the blade. So, it doesn’t go for the tongue, but you use that momentum to glide it up the actual tooth and jam it into the gum. You manage to slam up there and the blood spurts out from the wound and– (snarls) Rears back and so now you’re kind of flying up by her face now.

LIAM: I should have like 10 or 15 movement left with 60 for wings, yeah? If I was 15 feet up and she was a little less than 70?

MATT: Fifteen feet up, yes, but you’re also coming at an angle, which, you lose distance on that.

LIAM: So am I at zero?

MATT: You’re pretty much at zero, yeah.

LAURA: Ooh, like right in front of her face.

TRAVIS: Just stay there like Tinkerbell.

LIAM: Okay. All done.

MATT: That ends your turn.

TRAVIS: You are grounded.

MATT: At the end of your turn, she’s going to use another legendary action. To do a tail attack against you. She pulls part of her torso out for a moment, and her tail whips out in your direction to try and slam into you. That is a 19 plus, what is it, 32.

LIAM: Don’t think that hits actually. So I’ll use Uncanny Dodge.

MATT: That’s gonna be 24 points of bludgeoning damage reduced to 12, so there you go. Alright, that brings us to Kima’s turn. Kima finally arrives.

MARISHA: Kima!

SAM: Hey!

TRAVIS: Slow poke!

MATT: “Seriously?” That’s her turn.

TRAVIS: That Holy Avenger’s real heavy.

MATT: So that brings us to Pike. Actually, no at the end of Kima’s turn, let’s see here. Raishan’s gonna use another legendary action to attempt another tail attack against you, since you’re within range. That is a…

LIAM: 10,000.

MATT: Twenty-one to hit.

LIAM: Shit, it just hits.

MATT: Just hits? Okay. Seventeen points of bludgeoning damage. Yeah, go and halve that. She’s used all of her legendary actions for this round. Okay.

TRAVIS: All legendary– did you hear that?

MATT: Pike.

TRAVIS: Pike’s up.

LAURA: Okay. I think we should do… But okay, if she does Flame Strike can she focus it on the ceiling? Or does it have to be on the ground?

MATT: No, it can– I’d say– let me pull it up real fast here. It roars down from the Heavens in all locations, so it doesn’t come out of the floor, it comes out of the ceiling, so yeah.

LAURA: Okay. So, it’s her level five spell.

LIAM: Okay, aim it at–

LAURA: At Raishan? At Raishan’s butt, not at Vax.

MATT: Raishan currently, only visible, is about maybe 10 feet or so of– actually pulling out the tail attack, I’d say about 15 feet. So if she’s careful, yeah, she could probably hit Raishan and not hit Vax.

LAURA: Pike is always careful.

TRAVIS: So careful.

LAURA: She’s the carefulest.

MATT: Fair enough.

LAURA: Okay. So, wow, that’s a really big– Sixty feet, damn.

TRAVIS: That’s good shit.

LAURA: So, that’s 4d6 plus 4d6 radiant.

MATT: It’s gonna be close. Yeah, roughly about 55 feet up on the ceiling. With that 60 foot range, she can just hit Raishan with the column, so yeah.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So that is 8d6 damage.

LAURA: Okay, wow.

MATT: Go ahead and roll that. Raishan makes a save–

LAURA: I roll five and you roll three.

MATT: So a dexterity saving throw.

LAURA: Oh, just kidding.

MATT: Twenty-seven, I’m pretty sure that saves.

LAURA: No, I want to roll some. I roll, I’ll roll three. You roll five.

LIAM: Eighteen.

LAURA: Thirteen.

MATT: And also makes a concentration check from your attack earlier.

LAURA: Thirty-five.

SAM: No.

LAURA: No.

SAM: Thirty-one.

LAURA: Thirty-one.

MATT: Thirty-one?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: So half that to 15. Fifteen points of damage.

MARISHA: Benefit of the doubt.

MATT: Alright, cool, got it.

LAURA: Why half?

TALIESIN: She made her saving throw.

TRAVIS: At 27.

MATT: Sorry. So, you just barely move out of the way as you watch a familiar gathering of radiant energy up in the ceiling. You see the glimmer in the corner of Raishan’s slick eyeballs recessed within the green armor-plated face. of the dragon as all of a sudden– A great column of fire and radiant energy blasts Raishan in the side of the face.

LAURA: And she’s gonna back up towards the opening towards the entrance a bit. Yeah, like right there.

MATT: Right there? That’s as far as she can get right there. Cool.

SAM: Does she have a bonus action?

LAURA: She’s got a bonus action.

SAM: Heal herself?

MARISHA: Is it Healing Word?

LAURA: Oh, yeah, she can, right? 'Cause she can use a level two or less. So, yeah, she’ll do a level– she doesn’t have any level two’s left. She’ll do a level one Healing Word on herself.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Oh, God, she’s at five hit points.

SAM: Yeah, I know.

TALIESIN: Not anymore.

LAURA: She’s–she’s Pike though. This is what she would have done.

TALIESIN: She’s now at–

LAURA: I think.

TALIESIN: What does the level one Healing Word do?

SAM: It’s 1d4 plus five or something like that.

MARISHA: It does an additional d4.

LAURA: Oh.

MARISHA: Right? No, sorry, just one d4.

LAURA: One d4 plus five, so yeah, seven.

TALIESIN: So, she’s at 12 hit points now.

SAM: Double dig!

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: That’s better.

MARISHA: Double dig!

TALIESIN: That’s–

SAM: What’s that look, Matt?

TRAVIS: Seven points of healing, so yeah.

MATT: Cool, does that end your turn?

TRAVIS: Yep.

LIAM: Yep.

MATT: Good, Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Okay. I don’t know, man, this looks rough in here. I don’t want to be in here. (laughing) I’ll move forward and to the left a bit.

MATT: That’s about as far as you can go.

SAM: Sorry, to my right. To the right, four to the right. Oh, man. It’s a rough fight. But we’re winning, right, now, guys? We’re winning, we don’t need any help, do we?

LAURA: (gasps)

LIAM: Did you forget?

LAURA: I totally forgot!

MARISHA: How could you forget? It’s like all I’ve thought about.

TRAVIS: I will cuddle you, I will cuddle.

LAURA: I even wrote–

TALIESIN: He’s not gonna do it until Ashley’s dead.

LAURA: I wrote a limerick.

MARISHA: Ashley is almost–

SAM: You wrote a limerick?

LAURA: For you.

SAM: For me? To do what?

LAURA: Wait, wait, I forgot I did it. “Have you heard tale of Scanlan, the bold? He won’t tell us his age, but he’s old. With his blade, he’s a slayer, with the ladies, a player, but if he picks up the flute, he’s pure gold.”

MARISHA: Hey!

(applause, laughing)

SAM: Alright, so I’m gonna do Lightning Bolt.

LAURA: Goddammit!

(laughter)

SAM: I will– I assume that Scanlan feels strange with a brass flute touching his lips, because he’s never played one before.

MATT: This is true.

SAM: But does it still come out just as beautiful and pure as always?

MATT: Roll a performance check.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: I’m so nervous, I’m about to cry.

SAM: Thirty.

MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: In the midst of this chaos, the rumbling of the room, the sound of the lightning and thunder in the clouds, the falling of rock and soot from the ceiling is drowned out by what sounds like the most beautiful clear flute. It just trills… (whistling)

SAM: ♪ Call the dragon ♪

(all humming)

♪ Call the dragon ♪♪

MATT: You finish the song as you watch the brass glow. It begins to kinda give this– this weird shine around it that begins to emanate this kind of additional warmth and light from it and then it dulls and the brass goes to a very tarnished dark metal material.

TALIESIN: It’s Amazon Prime. It’s gonna take three days but it’s gonna be here.

SAM: I’ve played better.

MATT: You watch the flute ping in the hallway behind him. So that’s your action.

SAM: Okay. As a bonus, I will– Boy, everyone’s dying, right?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: Pike’s near me, so I’ll turn and give her a level two Healing Word.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: As well. And I will sing to her: ♪ I’ve got Mythcarver in my pocket ♪ ♪ Got that sunshine on my feet ♪ ♪ When I dance and prance around you ♪ ♪ You just stop ♪ ♪ Hoo! ♪

MARISHA: ♪ Hoo! ♪

SAM: ♪ And I dance so very handsome ♪ ♪ And I sing phenomenally ♪ ♪ There’s just something bout that gnome ♪ ♪ That makes me smile ♪ ♪ Woo! ♪

MARISHA: ♪ Woo! ♪♪

MATT: Alrighty.

MATT: Pike takes her inspiration die.

SAM: Uh, no, not inspiration, healing, healing. So, wait, I got to roll or she rolls?

MATT: You roll for her.

SAM: Okay, ooh. Oh, boy. (groaning)

(laughter)

SAM: Eight.

MATT: She heals eight points.

SAM: She’s up to 20!

TALIESIN: She can almost drink.

MARISHA: She can drink next year.

MATT: Alrighty, ending Scanlan’s turn, brings us to the top. Percival, your turn.

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to… Yeah, this is fine.

SAM: ♪ Can’t stop ♪♪

TALIESIN: I’m going to– this is fine. I’m going to take some shots with Animus at that awful bastard at the top of the cave. First shot, and I’m not making it a sharpshooter shot, I’m just shooting. That’s good too. Oh, that’s not bad, 24.

MATT: 24 hits.

TALIESIN: Alright.

LAURA: Look at all those pots of gold in the corners.

TALIESIN: That’s 13 points plus five points of psychic damage.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: And another shot.

TRAVIS: Shot.

TALIESIN: And that’s, uh, that’s– Oh, that’s not bad. That’s two points of psychic damage to me.

MATT: Oh, buddy!

SAM: He’s already unhinged.

TALIESIN: So that’s 54. So, that was like thankfully, just an ow! I’m just putting it away. I’m just gonna try and pull– pull out the big gun and take one last shot while I’m– while I’m– well, actually, no, that knocks out my attacks, doesn’t it? Cause it’s a psychic damage.

MATT: Well, I was gonna say, the psychic damage doesn’t negate your attacks.

TALIESIN: I don’t have time to switch guns. No, cause the psychic damage knocks that out if I recall.

MATT: No, psychic damage doesn’t affect the way–

TALIESIN: So, do I have time to just try and get one more potshot out or am I–

MATT: Was Bad News prepared?

TALIESIN: It was fine, it was working fine.

MATT: It was fine.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Nothing’s broke, well, now…

MATT: Now it is, yeah.

TALIESIN: Now that’s broken, okay. So, and now Bad News, here we go.

LIAM: Come on, Golden Snitch! Do it!

TALIESIN: Natural 20!

LAURA: Yes!

TRAVIS: On cue!

(cheering)

TALIESIN: Thank you, baby. Okay.

MATT: So, that’ll hit.

TALIESIN: Yeah, let’s– let’s take– Let’s take–

SAM: Weird critical things here?

TALIESIN: I don’t do any weird critical thing other than doing a lot of damage.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: Although, where’s my– I do have, okay, so– That does a lot of damage.

(talking over each other)

MARISHA: Amazing.

TALIESIN: Double dice.

TRAVIS: Come on, you deranged–

LIAM: Find one thing and do it well.

TALIESIN: Not bad, okay, that’s– 31 points of damage.

MATT: Alright.

TALIESIN: That’ll do.

MATT: Very nice.

TALIESIN: Yeah, it’s 4d12, plus six, so. And now I’m gonna hide behind that dragon egg.

MATT: Alright, so you move behind the dragon egg right there.

TALIESIN: Yep. Oh, and that means I get a grit point back ah-ha! I can actually do a thing, that’s good. Okay, alrighty.

SAM: So, things are turning around ever since that limerick.

LIAM: Watch this, I’m gonna get turned into pulled pork right now.

MATT: Well, it’s the lair actions now. So in this one…

TALIESIN: The Earth itself turns against us.

(rumbles)

MATT: From beneath your feet, Grog, you feel and you look down just as the rock splits and a spray of– a tiny geyser of molten rock just sprays outward. You try and move out of the way in time, but sprays across you, Pike, Scanlan and Vex. So I need you guys all to make dexterity saving throws.

LAURA: You want to make it for me?

SAM: Natural 20, 25.

MATT: Whoo! That’ll do.

TALIESIN: There’s nothing natural about 25. Purely artificial, you’ve had work done on that 20.

SAM: This is LA.

TALIESIN: This is LA.

MARISHA: Lot of LA things right back to back. It’s overwhelming.

TALIESIN: Man.

TRAVIS: 21.

MATT: 21? Succeeds.

LAURA: Twenty.

MATT: Succeeds, Pike?

LIAM: Eleven for Pike.

MATT: Pike does not succeed.

SAM: 20, 25.

MATT: Succeed, alright, so, you guys who all succeeded, you take 12 points of fire damage. Half of you are resistant.

SAM: So six.

MATT: Just six. Pike takes 12 points of fire damage because she’s resistant even though she failed her save.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s good. That’s good.

LAURA: So she’s still up.

SAM: She’s still alive!

TALIESIN: She’s still alive.

SAM: Because of me, let’s just go on record and say that.

TALIESIN: I’ll go with that.

LIAM: Can you say it in Spanish?

SAM: No, I cannot.

TALIESIN: Pike.

SAM: Yo no soy Marinado.

MATT: Alright, that brings us back to Raishan’s turn.

LAURA: Oh God, oh God.

MATT: Gets her legendary actions back.

TRAVIS: It’s cool, you can just go.

MATT: Given the current circumstance…

TALIESIN: No. No.

MATT: Raishan is going to unleash…

TRAVIS: Handshake?

MATT: She’s going to unleash a full round of attacks against you as you are right up in her face and stabbed her in the gums and avoided the entirety of her meteor swarm and you also attacked her.

TALIESIN: In defense, she had some corn stuck in her–

LAURA: Yeah, he really was helping. It’d been there for like–

MATT: And she appreciates that, but the rest of the stuff is still a problem.

TALIESIN: I’m trying not to say anything.

MATT: That is 22 to hit with a bite.

LIAM: That just hits, Uncanny Dodge.

SAM: Maybe you should remind her that we have a deal. We’re supposed to be working together.

MATT: 22, well, yeah, so they all hit.

SAM: What happened to our deal, Raishan?

LIAM: The first one is Uncanny and then the rest are–

MATT: Correct, so the bite attack is halved. Which is good. That’ll be 22 points of piercing damage and you got the warm tingle earlier, right? You also suffer ten points of poison damage.

SAM: Ten points of poison?

LAURA: Even though he’s immune to poison?

MATT: He’s not immune to poison.

LAURA: He’s not?

MATT: No.

LIAM: Not from that– so that our Hero’s Feast does nothing.

LAURA: It was Dispel, she dispelled our Heroes’ Feast. That’s what that fucking shit was.

TRAVIS: Oh!

LIAM: Is that the total–

MATT: That was the bite attack. So that whole attack is halved. The poison damage and the piercing you took is halved. The claw attack…

SAM: There was a shimmering and you didn’t feel anything.

MATT: 26 points of piercing damage.

LIAM: Vax is falling.

(gasps)

SAM: Oh, no.

MATT: And the tail bats you on the way down. You guys watch as the darkened wings of Vax go limp and he just plummets.

MARISHA: Oh, boy.

SAM: That’s gonna be–

MATT: Roll a d20.

LAURA: Oh, God.

LIAM: Is this a death save?

MATT: No, this is a trajectory.

MARISHA: Oh my God, please don’t land in the lava.

MATT: You smack right into the edge, but not into the magma river. You hear the cracking sound of bones breaking upon impact and the wings themselves broken. Feathers falling and burning within the molten rock. The wings slowly fold in and curl like a spider dying and vanish.

LIAM: That sucks.

SAM: Forever?

LAURA: No, not forever!

TALIESIN: He just went unconscious.

MATT: And with that…

TALIESIN: Something’s gotta be done about that.

TRAVIS: You are Anakin on the riverbed.

MARISHA: Totally.

TALIESIN: Magma is practically like your arch nemesis to be fair.

LIAM: I don’t– I don’t know.

MATT: Raishan is going to move. (pieces crash)

(shouts)

MATT: Kima, no!

MARISHA: Poor Kima!

SAM: Bye. I just got here!

(indistinct talking)

MATT: Alrighty. And as she emerges now, after knocking you out of the air, wings fully out, Raishan… (snarling) “You’re next.” And then swoops over and is now floating over the lava pool over that way. And appears to be preparing for something.

LIAM: Have I got any automatic fails in a death save?

MATT: Yes, you did fail a death saving throw from hitting the ground.

LIAM: Hitting the ground?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: As she does that, I yell out, “Could you be more specific? Who is next, who? Oh, we didn’t see who you were looking at over here. No? Alright, guess we’ll find out.”

TRAVIS: I was so preoccupied, I missed it.

MATT: That ends Raishan’s turn. Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: Okay, so Keyleth, pretty pissed off from seeing her boyfriend spiked from the sky. I’m going to kinda get a few, well, no, I guess I can stay here. Kind of above the lava create a swirling angry lava vortex of lightning and fire and I’m gonna hit her again with lightning.

MATT: Okay. Make her save. Save 12 plus nine that is 21, which does save.

MARISHA: Yeah, she saved.

MATT: So takes half damage, so 14 then halved.

MARISHA: Okay, not too bad. Twelve, 14 plus seven, 21 total. Half damage.

MATT: Okay, so ten points of lightning damage.

MARISHA: Not great.

MATT: Okay, did you want to move or you gonna stay where you are?

MARISHA: Um…

TALIESIN: You can’t heal as a bonus action, can you?

MARISHA: No, I can’t do anything. Does– does Vax look like he’s about to fall in the lava?

MATT: Vax is approximately one foot from the edge of the river.

SAM: One third my size.

TRAVIS: Is it flat or is it…

MATT: It’s slightly domed in.

MARISHA: Do you have flame resistance right now? Yeah, you said you’re flame resistant.

TALIESIN: On the armor.

MARISHA: Okay, so I’m gonna use my movement then. I’m gonna be very careful to make sure I touch the armor, the Raven Queen armor and I’m going to see if I can just fire elemental like roll him away from the edge a little bit.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: The armor is set to flame resistance.

MATT: Yes, it is.

TRAVIS: I thought you were saying you were gonna like roll him in the lava.

MARISHA: It’s been nice.

(talking over each other)

MATT: I will say– I will say the touch of a fire elemental ignites whatever it touches. It’s kind of the essence of the element.

MARISHA: But he has fire resistance.

MATT: Right, which means he’ll take half damage from any fire that you deal. However, being the fact that you are in control of your form you’re not trying to hurt something, I would say that you could carefully push him aside and I’ll allow you a death saving throw as opposed to just taking straight damage.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: I’m making a–

LIAM: I’m rolling an advantage.

MATT: An advantage because of your armor, yeah.

LIAM: Twelve, succeed. So, we’re good, we’re good.

MARISHA: We’re cool, we’re good.

SAM: Here, let me help you. Oh God, I killed him.

LIAM: I feel like in another dimension this didn’t go so well.

MATT: So you kind of roll him over…

MARISHA: That would be the most Keyleth thing to do. I love you so– oh God, I killed the thing I love.

SAM: Oh my God, George, I hugged the puppy really hard.

LIAM: No, no, no!

MARISHA: I’m sorry, George.

MATT: You barely move him, you only get him five feet from being so careful. You could have moved him further, but he would have– been ignited in the process.

TRAVIS: Oh my God.

TALIESIN: I got that extension so bad.

MATT: Does that end your turn?

MARISHA: I’m gonna then take a few steps back away from him now.

MATT: Okay, back this way, back where you were?

MARISHA: Yeah, yes.

TRAVIS: You would have turned into a vestige.

TALIESIN: I don’t got to pretend I’m (indistinct).

MATT: Okay, that ends your turn?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. At the end of your turn. Raishan is still overhead and casts a spell.

LIAM: Duvet, Duvall?

TRAVIS: Duvet.

MATT: Alrighty. You watch as Raishan over on the edge… her front claws begin to form this strange geometric sigil in the middle of the air and each corner of it is a different color. Green, orange, yellow, red, purple, blue. And suddenly this giant burst–

SAM: Can I try to Counterspell her?

MATT: What’s the range on that?

SAM: 60 feet, am I just there?

MARISHA: Come on, Scanlan.

LAURA: Oh God, Scanlan.

TRAVIS: What is she casting?

MATT: She’s within range!

LAURA: Oh, God!

TALIESIN: Please, please! Please kill it!

MATT: d20 add six.

SAM: Eighteen.

MATT: You rolled an 18?

SAM: No, I rolled a 12.

MATT: You rolled a 12, that’s an 18 total? It is a… Hold on a second.

TALIESIN: God, I can’t breathe.

MATT: I’m pretty sure…

SAM: I get a plus two for–

MATT: Right, oh, I know. The sigil– as the burst of colored light begins to spray forward, you watch as it just…

(cheering)

LAURA: Scanlan! MVP!

LIAM: Vax wakes up for two seconds, says, “You da man!” and then lies back down.

(laughter)

MATT: Shit. I never get to use Prismatic Spray.

TRAVIS: That was a day ruiner, right? Day ruiner.

(talking over each other)

There’s no chance that was like a healing spray, was it?

LIAM: Probably not.

TRAVIS: Like the gesture of surrender?

LIAM: It was kind of like rainbows.

TALIESIN: It’s the angriest Captain Planet– it’s just the worst–

MARISHA: Like the most fucked up Care Bear stare.

MATT: Alright, so, as the spell dissipates… Raishan angrily…

SAM: ♪ You got eggs and you gonna lose 'em ♪ ♪ You got eggs ♪♪

LAURA: Oh God.

MATT: Alright, so that ends– that ends Keyleth’s turn. That brings us to Gilmore. Now, Gilmore over here is– what else does he have left in the tank here? He’s gonna do a level four Lightning Bolt.

TALIESIN: Chromatic spray.

SAM: Chromatic spray could have been many things though.

TALIESIN: Yes, but they’re all bad. It’s a wheel of death.

SAM: And they’re all bad. One of them’s like 70 points of…

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Of just– just goop.

MARISHA: Each color is like bad.

MATT: Gilmore is going to…

TALIESIN: It’s a great way of dealing with people who are– who are attuned to deal with you.

(indistinct talking)

TALIESIN: You were looking at that for a while.

SAM: Yeah, I was, it was good. It looks good.

TALIESIN: It’s really good. It’s very you too.

SAM: Rainbow colored.

MATT: Sorry.

LAURA: Check out those Gilmore t-shirts.

MATT: I know, sorry, I’m checking to make sure he can do this cause this is what he’s trying to do.

LIAM: Gilmore’s wearing one right now.

SAM: Hey, Laura, are those key chains laser etched?

LAURA: Why, they are! It’s so funny you should ask.

SAM: Wow, what about the–

LAURA: So precise.

SAM: Did I say the key chain or the necklace? What about the necklace?

MATT: So, Gilmore– Gilmore runs up. And just vanishes from his place and instantly blinks up over into this area using his misty step as his bonus action. And looks upward. “How do you like it?” Raises his hand and pulls this way. You watch as this necromantic energy begins to gather around his hands. A familiar spell to you, Keyleth. As you watch the diseased blackened veins up the side of Raishan’s body begin to spread and grow momentarily and kind of begin to– to dig their way into her throat. She begins to pull backward, unfamiliar with this sudden internal pain. Rolls a natural 20 for her save. But regardless, that’s still–

LAURA: I like how he genuinely looked kind of disappointed though that he rolled a 20.

TRAVIS: I think he’s just–

LAURA: It made me– it made me feel great.

LIAM: He’s a really good actor.

SAM: See, we’re not even gonna need the flute guy.

LAURA: I hope he shows up. I hope he’s not like…

TALIESIN: No, a month from now he’s gonna show up.

TRAVIS: Attacking like his carry-on?

SAM: He’s at TSA right now. “I have nothing else metal on me. I don’t– oh, I’m bronze.”

MATT: Seventeen points of necrotic damage to Raishan with the save. That’s Gilmore’s turn there. That brings us to… Grog.

TRAVIS: Me?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: Your dragon-based humor is way too tight right now.

TRAVIS: Can I run over with Shaun?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Can I attach the Chain of Returning to the axe?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Then, can I swing it really hard and go, “Yeah, catchphrase!” and throw it up.

(laughter)

MATT: Yes, you can.

TRAVIS: Good, reckless, please.

MATT: Yes, you may.

SAM: Laura.

TRAVIS: That’s a natural 20.

MARISHA: Whoo!

MATT: Oh, shit! Alright.

TRAVIS: Oh, and with the brutal critical, I get two additional…

MATT: Yeah, two additional d12’s to that, so roll the die first. Plus don’t forget you double the necrotic die.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I do double it?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Yes!

TRAVIS: That’s a six, so that’s 12. I’m enlarged. Where’s the triangle, who took the triangle?

LAURA: I don’t– here you go.

TALIESIN: You got like valley girl on that. "Who took the triangle?”

TRAVIS: That’s 29 and then two additional d12.

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: Nine, 38. Ten, 48.

MATT: 48? Okay.

LAURA: Did you double those extras? Do you double those dice as well?

TRAVIS: No.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Brutal critical, you get two additional damage die on my roll.

MATT: Okay, so, as you rush up, “Catchphrase!” and throw the axe sideways. It arcs upward and Raishan is currently kind of reeling from the dispel and angrily yelling into the room in draconic. Gets partway into a phrase, just finishing… (roaring) The axe just jams into the side of her collarbone and front torso area and… The axe is still kind of wedged there, are you gonna pull back?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll pull it back.

MATT: So go ahead and roll your…

TALIESIN: I don’t know why you’re looking over here for that.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I got it. 23.

MATT: So, yanking the axe, dislodges itself and you catch it. You see it’s covered in Raishan blood. As you pull the axe back, you watch as something just, like, a flash of arcane energy around her, and some sort of spell, uncast by her, just seemingly automatically just kind of surrounds her and her flying begins to speed up.

LAURA: She got hasted?

MARISHA: But how?

LAURA: How?

TRAVIS: I didn’t know I was this powerful. What the fuck happened?

LAURA: How did she get hasted?

LIAM: Well, we’ll find out.

LAURA: What if the brass dragon’s helping her?

TALIESIN: Or what if the eggs are helping her?

MATT: Yeah, you have maybe 15 more feet.

TALIESIN: I don’t know, I just like putting things out there.

TRAVIS: Rolling towards that end of the map as far as I go.

MATT: This end, sure.

LAURA: That end of the map.

TRAVIS: Can I go that way? Yeah, that’s cool. Cool.

MATT: Great.

LAURA: Oh God.

MATT: That puts you at the end of your turn. She’s gonna use legendary action. At this point in her kind of, sped up form, she begins to… (chanting) And there’s a slight ripple again in the air similar to what Gilmore did towards Raishan early part of the battle. Let me see the…

TALIESIN: We’re making some bad groupings there, by the way, people.

MATT: Yeah. You feel a kind of a strange warmth and tingling sensation within your body, Scanlan.

SAM: Oh, what, me? But I didn’t do anything.

TALIESIN: You relieve yourself gently.

LAURA: Did you just pee?

TALIESIN: I cast Tinkle.

SAM: I don’t get to save or anything, it just happens?

MATT: It’s not a save, it’s against an effect on you and she rolls to– just like how you roll to overcome her spell’s counter spell, she gets to roll to overcome whatever effect is on you with dispel magic.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: So, that’s gonna be the last of her legendary actions.

LAURA: She just dispelled all of us. Can we bust out a feast right now? Just like sit down.

TALIESIN: We can make eggs benedict. We have the makings for eggs benedict.

SAM: Does that dispel my fire resistance as well?

MATT: No, it only affected the Heroes’ Feast.

SAM: Okay. You’ll have to explain that sometime.

MATT: Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: So, giving a potion to somebody is a full action?

MATT: Yes. Cause you have to basically get there, open it, grab them and help them swallow it to have the effect take place. It’s a pretty involved action.

SAM: That means we don’t have advantage on death saves either. Right, wait.

LAURA: Did we ever?

SAM: Yeah, we did.

LAURA: Oh, that’s from Beacon of Hope. That’s gone anyway.

SAM: Is that gone, okay?

TALIESIN: Yeah, that got eaten.

LAURA: Okay, then I’m gonna fly down to my brother. And I’m gonna cast Cure Wounds on him at fourth level, so that’s 4d8.

SAM: 4d8?

LAURA: Oh, 19 plus eight, wow, 27.

SAM: Wow.

LIAM: Thank you.

LAURA: You don’t got no wings anymore.

LIAM: She dead?

LAURA: No.

LIAM: Oh, shit.

LAURA: Get away from the lava. And then, I’m gonna fly away from the lava. Up.

MATT: This way?

TRAVIS: Towards Matt.

LAURA: Yeah, towards Matt. Up and towards Matt.

MATT: Up and towards me.

LAURA: Kind of away from Pike. Actually, let’s go, oh God.

MATT: This way?

LAURA: Yes, yes, what you just did. That way.

MATT: That’s about as far as you can go right there. Okay.

LAURA: And I get a bonus. I can do something with a bonus. I’m gonna re-Hunter’s Mark her.

MATT: Yeah, cause you–

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Alright, so Hunter’s Mark reapplied.

LAURA: Oh, wait! I can take a potion for myself as a bonus.

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: I’m gonna do that.

MATT: Alright, go for it.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Get it.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Just a regular potion?

LAURA: Just a Superior.

MATT: Oh, right.

LAURA: That my brother gave me.

MATT: That is an 8d4 plus eight.

LAURA: It’s a four.

TRAVIS: Easter egg.

LAURA: Seventeen plus eight.

TRAVIS: You have one more dice to roll.

LAURA: I do?

TRAVIS: Yep.

LAURA: Ooh. So, 21 plus eight, so 29.

MATT: Nice.

SAM: You healed yourself that much? Jesus, that’s a big potion.

LAURA: Yeah that was, I rolled really well.

TALIESIN: I may make one for the table.

LAURA: I didn’t trust that I would roll that well.

MATT: That ends your turn, Vex?

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: Okay, so half my movement just to get to standing, right?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Okay, I’m gonna throw Whisper, Flame tongue. Raishan should be within 60 feet, yeah?

MATT: Uh, yeah.

LIAM: Okay. Seventeen for the first.

MATT: Fails.

LIAM: Second is 22.

MATT: Twenty-two just hits.

TRAVIS: That’s it, that’s Raishan at 22.

LIAM: Ten.

TALIESIN: 22?

MARISHA: She’s 22.

MATT: How much damage?

LIAM: Ten.

MATT: Ten points damage.

LIAM: And I’m going to use my remaining 15 of movement to go diagonally away from Raishan.

MATT: Diagonally away this way?

LIAM: Away from– diagonal.

MATT: Here?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, that’s as far as you can get there. Okay. That ends your turn. That brings us to Kima. Let’s see. Kima rushes in with Holy Avenger, and looks over at the distant dragon and goes, “Oh, shit. Who’s hurting?”

LAURA: Everyone.

SAM: I’m fine.

LAURA: (as Pike) “I am, I don’t want to say anything though, but I kind of am. I feel kind of shitty. I–I feel like shit.”

LIAM: “Um…”

LAURA: “Um…”

SAM: “I’m kind of bleeding from my ears, but, whatever.”

MATT: Kima as an action is gonna cast a…

LAURA: “I can deal with it. It’s no big deal.”

MATT: I’m gonna say third level Cure Wounds.

LIAM: Matt, my wings are toast, right?

MATT: Yeah. That’s 17 points of healing to Pike.

LAURA: Okay, thank you.

MATT: I think Kima’s just gonna go at a full run.

(indistinct talking)

Right, that ends Kima’s turn. There is a flash of light in the tunnel behind you guys. As a sudden burst of kind of… a whitish orangish energy that briefly halos Kima, Scanlan, and Pike’s forms. As you watch, a brass talon…

(cheering)

A brass talon, that since it was used as the top of our tree, I forgot to bring its base, but he’ll be acting there.

TALIESIN: It was a beautiful tree.

LAURA: Hey, look, he’s standing!

MARISHA: He’s standing.

TALIESIN: You’ve been drinking, brass dragon.

LAURA: Oh, J'Mon, you looking good.

LIAM: J'Mon!

LAURA: J'Mon!

TALIESIN: Have you been working out? You look like you’ve been working out.

MATT: He watches as they arrive and kind of bully their way past the entrance. “I was wondering when you’d call.”

SAM: Glad you came!

TRAVIS: Nothing cool, nothing cool with that!

TALIESIN: Swipe right, swipe right!

TRAVIS: Sure is glad you’re here!

SAM: We’re happy to see you?

TRAVIS: No court speak here.

SAM: How– how was the flight?

MATT: Actually, I broke my platforms, so I’ll just have to use my imagination for some of this.

SAM: We need modeling clay, quick!

TALIESIN: Fishing wire, we can just string it from the top of the set.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, just attach it to a string.

MATT: There we go. J'Mon, they kind of stomp their way into the room, stepping over you, Scanlan. Stepping past you, Vax. Nestles in, kind of surveys the territory. “A different color than I was expecting.” And releases a blast of fire breath upwards in the direction–

TRAVIS: Smoke 'em if you got 'em. C'mon, J'Mon.

LAURA: ♪ J'Mon ♪

TALIESIN: ♪ J'Mon ♪♪

MATT: That is a 23. Okay, makes the dex save, so Raishan pulls out of the way with a benefit from the haste spell. However it does still take damage. Half damage from the spell. That’s 16d6 damage.

LAURA: Wow.

TRAVIS: 16d6. Well, that might actually help.

LIAM: Nobody expects the Marquet inquisition.

MATT: That is 58 points fire damage, half of that to 20… 29, whoo, pardon me.

LAURA: Did you just burp or did you just–

MATT: I did. Twenty nine points of fire damage to Raishan from Devo'ssa’s Flame breath. J'Mon Sa Ord, as you know.

TRAVIS: Wow.

MATT: She makes a concentration check. Succeeds.

TRAVIS: Damn it.

MATT: So, the haste remains viable. Okay, that ends J'Mon’s turn. Pike is up.

LAURA: Okay. Pike…

MARISHA: Go on, girl!

LAURA: She’s gonna cast Mass Healing Word. Can she get the most people in her radius?

MATT: What’s the range on it?

LAURA: It is a 60 foot radius.

SAM: Radius?

MATT: Yep, that’s the biggest radius, it’d be right there. In the center, just under J'Mon’s giant brass dragon wing.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: It’s not gonna heal Raishan, is it?

LAURA: No.

MATT: No.

LAURA: Heals only people she wants. It’s up to six creatures.

MATT: Up to six creatures, who do you choose?

LAURA: Who all’s–

TALIESIN: Raise your hand if you would– you would like to be–

LAURA: So, that’s–

LIAM: Grog is within range.

LAURA: Grog and her. So, that’s Grog, Pike, Vex, Vax, and Percy.

SAM: Well, hey, if you can do six.

LAURA: And Scanlan. “Oh, sorry, Scanlan, I didn’t see you there.”

SAM: “Well, I’m behind a dragon, honey, it’s okay.”

LAURA: Oh, he’s gonna dispel this shit.

TALIESIN: I don’t think she can.

LAURA: Okay, she’s gonna do this.

SAM: Wait, can she do it on herself as well?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: Nine.

SAM: Nine– nine points?

LAURA: Yeah. That’s a bonus, I know, I know, okay.

TALIESIN: Nine is good.

LAURA: There’s not really anything else right now.

TALIESIN: Technically, it’s 9 times 6, so you did a lot of healing.

LAURA: All of her major spells were used.

LIAM: Still in the game.

TALIESIN: Nine times six is a lot.

TRAVIS: Nine points, okay.

TALIESIN: That brings me up into the 60’s.

SAM: Decadent.

MARISHA: Just a– a nice southern California day.

TALIESIN: Fifties.

LAURA: And then, can she– does she have any movement left?

MATT: No, that was her full movement to get there.

(indistinct talking)

LAURA: That’s true. She’s gonna duck as much as she can under J'Mon.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: For protection. And say, “Oh, you look very nice, thank you.”

(laughing)

MATT: There you go.

LAURA: “Thank you for helping us.”

SAM: At this point, I feel like you guys are better at Ashley than she is.

LAURA: No, shut up.

MATT: Alrighty.

TALIESIN: Cast of thousands it takes to play Ashley.

MATT: Ending Pike’s turn, Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Oh, oh, shit, I should have been thinking about what I–

MATT: Yes, you should have.

SAM: Okay. I will– I will– I will shoot some stuff at Raishan of it all.

MATT: Do it, what are you doing?

SAM: I’m gonna shoot Lightning Bolt at Raishan. From my dick.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: So, as you begin creating your incantation and thrust your hips forward, J'Mon Sa Ord turns their head beneath the wing in your direction and arcs a brow, surprised.

SAM: Like, yeah, this is happening.

MATT: As the bolt of energy streaks forth from your groin in the direction of the dragon. That is a 15. It’s going to use one of Raishan’s legendary resistances to resist it. So half damage.

SAM: Okay, fine, whatever.

TRAVIS: “Fine, whatever.”

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: ♪Feel the heat.♪

SAM: Wow. 35 halved.

MATT: 35 halved.

SAM: 17.

MATT: That’s a good roll.

SAM: That is a good roll. It was mostly sixes and fives.

MATT: Alrighty. And do you wish to move or you gonna stay where you are?

SAM: Oh. No, I would like to move. I would like to move forward a bit still within the– the Devo'ssa range.

MATT: Like by Pike and Kima over here?

SAM: Yeah, oh, can I move to the other side of Devo'ssa?

MATT: Yeah, you can move just underneath, running between the legs and get about there.

SAM: And yeah, shoot, is anyone else– how’s Gilmore look?

MATT: Gilmore is standing and seems to be doing alright, but seen a lot struggle from the last battle and is currently about… You can see a little bit of blood dried and curling from one side of the mouth. Hair is mussed up and looks to be a few burn marks across the skin and is kind of a little out of breath, but is standing.

TALIESIN: It’s the level two Mike Tyson’s punch out.

MATT: Yeah. Gilmore’s roughly half out.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: I knew that would break you.

TRAVIS: I love that reference.

SAM: So I will use a Healing Word on Gilmore. Why not? 'Cause I don’t want to use any– I got one more Inspiration, so I’m not gonna use that yet. So, yeah, I will– I will heal Gilmore.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Oh, yes, sorry, I got to roll. Nine.

MATT: Total nine, great, alrighty. That ends your turn?

SAM: Yes, yes, yes.

MATT: Alright, Percival, you’re up.

TRAVIS: Nice job.

TALIESIN: Okay, I don’t have it marked down that I burned my action surge, but I think I burned my action surge.

MATT: You did, yes.

TALIESIN: But I still do have two points of Cabal’s Ruin. If I recall.

MATT: You do, yes.

TALIESIN: Okay, just making sure. Alright, so, I’m going to– from my little vantage point, take a shot with Bad News. See how this goes, and I’m gonna burn a Grit for advantage. Let’s do this. Yeah. I mean, that wasn’t fine, but we could do better. Yeah, that’s already better.

TRAVIS: Come on.

TALIESIN: Thirty points to– 30 to hit.

MATT: Thirty does hit, yes.

TALIESIN: Alright. Let’s use these, they’re sparkly. Two 12 plus six plus, I’m gonna throw 2d6 worth of electric. 2d4 worth of electric. Learning how to use– Oh, 1d6, no, never mind, here we go. So, let’s add. Empty out Cabal’s Ruin. That’s awful. 10 points of damage plus 6 points of lightning damage.

TRAVIS: How’s that terrible, that’s not terrible.

TALIESIN: For me.

LAURA: For him.

MATT: You watch as you send the last bit of the charge through the cloak as the energy shoots up your arm into the gun and as you fire, it travels with the bullet and bursts into this kind of weird, reverse shock wave and the energy returns and slams for a second time into Raishan’s body.

TALIESIN: Nice, I have one more shot. So, I’m gonna take my last shot although there’s no more electricity. That’s probably not gonna hit. That’s 18 to hit, that does not hit.

MATT: It does not.

TALIESIN: That does not hit. But at least it doesn’t backfire.

MATT: It hits the side of the hide and ricochets off the dragon’s skin.

TALIESIN: I’m gonna start running. I know you don’t have the little plastic thing, but I’m feeling a little clumped over there, so I’m gonna start running up the wall at an angle, so probably three up and three– three up and three side.

MATT: We’ll mark you at 25 feet up on the wall. Just keep that in mind. Okay, ends Percy. Top of this now is another lair action.

(indistinct talking)

SAM: No, he could do that.

MATT: Alright.

TALIESIN: It’s like watching some very, like, complicated…

MARISHA: Like, chess.

MATT: The magma over here begins to bubble and you watch as one of these strange protrusions from the rocky ground begins to bow upward and then crack open as another familiar cloud of gas begins to spill out in this area.

TRAVIS: But you’re totally immune.

MATT: Vax, Vex, Scanlan. I need you guys to make constitution saving throws.

SAM: Nope.

LAURA: This is just the worst.

MATT: J'Mon.

LAURA: ♪ J'Mon ♪♪

MATT: Does make it, yes.

SAM: Four.

LAURA: Fourteen.

LIAM: Eighteen.

MATT: Okay, you do make it.

LIAM: Eighteen.

MATT: Eighteen, yes, the two of you manage to succeed. Pike as well?

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, medicine won’t heal it.

LAURA: Hold on.

TRAVIS: That’s gotta make it.

LIAM: Thirteen.

LAURA: Fourteen.

MATT: Okay. So, this cloud is still kind of permeating this area. Obscuring it slightly. Ending that now it is Raishan’s–

SAM: Wait, what did I do, what happened to me?

MATT: You rolled a four.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: So, when your turn comes around next…

SAM: I die.

TRAVIS: I’ll let you know.

MATT: No, you’ll just be coughing and incapacitated. The coughing fit that this poison gas creates is so bad that you can’t do anything but hack.

TRAVIS: It is called LA Smog.

MATT: Yes. Now, being Raishan’s turn. Still hasted, pardon me. Raishan is going to dart backward… and snatch up this one egg with her claws. Grabs it and kind of carries it up underneath.

MARISHA: Bitch cares.

LAURA: She does care!

MARISHA: She cares!

LAURA: Let’s kill them eggs.

TALIESIN: Care Bear stare!

SAM: Wait, maybe she’s just trying to be a good mom.

TALIESIN: She’s gonna throw it at us.

MARISHA: Google Donkey Kong.

TALIESIN: She could go all Donkey Kong on us.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

(indistinct talking)

LAURA: (yells)

MATT: So, that’s 20 to get there and back to grab that. She kinda swoops down, grabs it. Moves forward ever so slightly this way, and… No, from back here. Is going to release a giant burst of poisonous gas outward, affecting– Kima shrugs it off, Pike shrugs it off. Grog, you shrug it off cause you resist the dispel that didn’t work earlier. Gilmore ate the Feast earlier and is also unaffected. However, I need…

LAURA: Gilmore didn’t get the Feast.

MATT: That’s right, cause you can only have so many people eat from it. Alright, I need Gilmore, Vax, Vex and Scanlan to all make constitution saving throws.

SAM: What about Devo'ssa?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: Wow. That’s not happy. Such a pretty die.

LAURA: Did you say Pike? Did you say Pike as well?

MATT: Pike didn’t get dispelled. So Pike is immune.

SAM: I got a nine, Matthew.

MATT: You got a 9?

SAM: Constitution?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Nine.

MATT: Not you, Percy.

TALIESIN: I didn’t have to roll. I’m just mocking him.

MATT: Vex?

LAURA: Fourteen.

MATT: Okay. You guys and Scanlan all suffer 83 points of poison damage.

TRAVIS: Oh my God!

MARISHA: How many?

MATT: Eighty-three.

LAURA: Eighty-three.

MATT: Gilmore.

TALIESIN: (laughing)

MATT: Gilmore makes his save roll with a 19 plus three.

TALIESIN: So, he gets 40.

MATT: Thanks to your heal earlier, Gilmore is still standing with two hit points.

LAURA: Wow.

SAM: That makes two of us, friend. I’m at two hit points as well.

TRAVIS: How y'all doing?

LAURA: We’re unconscious.

SAM: Did our– Our bronze brass dragon get hurt at all or no?

MATT: Brass dragon. But it is here in a minute. Rolls a one on its saving throw. Gonna use legendary resistance to make the save. So he only takes– they only take–

TALIESIN: Can you arc lightning?

MATT: 41 points of damage there. Okay. So, as this billows forth…

LAURA: Twins go out together.

MATT: So, Vax, he falls unconscious. Vex, you fall unconscious, fall off the broom, hit the ground. Taking four points of bludgeoning damage, you suffer a death saving throw from the impact.

LAURA: From like a teeny little ten foot fall?

MATT: 10 foot drop on your head.

LAURA: That’s fucking stupid.

MATT: It’s only a–

LAURA: She was sitting stupidly!

MATT: It’s only a d6 bludgeoning damage, but when you’re unconscious while falling, you now realize the downside of flying all the time.

LAURA: Damn it!

TRAVIS: Didn’t you put air bags on that thing?

LAURA: I did, I have a helmet on. Did you– I put airbags in the witch’s hat.

TALIESIN: It’s a football helmet.

TRAVIS: That’s right, it’s magic, it goes…

SAM: Yeah, I forgot to tell you, the witch hat is magic.

TALIESIN: Full of balloons.

MATT: As the poisonous breath billows out and everyone’s coughing and falling over, you watch the twins fall unconscious, Raishan kind of grins. “You’ve got a few surprises, I see, but you’re not the only ones.”

LAURA: Oh, no, does she have more surprises?

TRAVIS: I think that’s what she meant, yeah.

LAURA: I hope that’s not–

TALIESIN: There’s cake and ice cream upstairs.

SAM: “I have more surprises.” “Guys, I think she has more surprises.”

TRAVIS: That’s literally what she just said.

LAURA: I just thought maybe the breath was the surprise.

MATT: And then is going to use the rest of her movement to whip over here.

TRAVIS: Damn it, damn it, damn it. Why’d she have to leave? I just wanted to give her a high five.

TALIESIN: You need to heal the living hell out of these people.

LAURA: Damn it! She’s carrying…?

MATT: She’s carrying two eggs underneath.

TALIESIN: Which means she obviously can’t do claw attacks.

MATT: She still has 40 feet of movement.

LAURA: That’s true.

MATT: And is going to turn back, and flies there.

TRAVIS: Didn’t pick up anything else?

MATT: No, she grabbed the two eggs and is positioning. Alright, that ends Raishan’s turn. Keyleth, you’re up.

TALIESIN: Can you heal?

MARISHA: I’m wondering if I should drop this and start doing beefier stuff now.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: I think now’s the time.

SAM: This has only injured Vax so far, so…

LAURA: Me and…

TALIESIN: The twins, they’re both unconscious.

SAM: Oh, great.

TALIESIN: With one death saving throw already failed.

SAM: Great.

LAURA: No, just me.

MARISHA: Okay, I am going to move from–

LAURA: And Pike’s like out.

MARISHA: Over the lava like this direction.

SAM: She’s got some cantrips.

MARISHA: Geez, I can’t tell.

MATT: Which way?

MARISHA: This way, this way. See the laser pointer? No, no, no, I had it. I had it and it went away. Okay.

MATT: Over here?

MARISHA: No, it’s– yeah, over there.

MATT: Over here?

MARISHA: Uh-huh. And how far away is Raishan from me now?

MATT: I’d say roughly 30 feet, 35 feet.

MARISHA: Okay, move me like one more closer to her.

MATT: There you go.

MARISHA: And how close am I from the twins now? I can’t see.

MATT: Twins, you’re about 30, another 35 feet from them.

MARISHA: Okay, let me move five more feet so I can be within 30 feet of the twins.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Okay, now I’m gonna drop my–

MATT: Well, with both twins, you’d have to move there. You drop your form?

MARISHA: Drop my form.

MATT: Alright.

MARISHA: I hope this is not a terrible idea.

MATT: I’ll put you there.

TALIESIN: We’re at that point.

MARISHA: We’re at that point. This is Dungeons and Dragons!

TALIESIN: This is dungeon and dragons.

MARISHA: I’m going to bust out the Spire of Conflux. So I’m gonna bust out the staff and be like, “You bitch.” And then aim it. I’m gonna do chain lightning and can I try and hit her and the two eggs and maybe like, since I still have the storm going, like, it just looks cool?

(laughing)

MATT: Sure.

LAURA: Doesn’t it–?

MATT: Raishan saves. The eggs cannot save technically, so go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Don’t you get the lightning attacks too? If you’re doing chain lightning, you still get the other lightning’s that are there?

MARISHA: I have to choose to make an action. It’s still there, but I can either like do other things or choose to do–

LAURA: I understand.

MARISHA: Sorry, I don’t do the– 10d8.

TALIESIN: Do you need some d8’s?

MARISHA: I have one, two, three, four, five… I think I’m good, I’ll just roll five twice. Oh, God, oh, God. Did she save?

MATT: Yes, she did.

MARISHA: But the eggs didn’t?

MATT: The eggs did not.

MARISHA: Okay, that’s not phenomenal. Three, six, nine, ten– nine, ten, eleven. Plus four is 15 plus… Okay, okay. What’d I say, 15? Twenty-five, 29. Thirty-six total.

TALIESIN: Oh, wait, wait, wait.

MARISHA: Oh! Oh, and I get to reroll this one. Thirty-six, no, thirty-eight.

MATT: Thirty-eight, okay. That would be 29, no, sorry. No, from 30, 19. Nineteen damage to Raishan and the two eggs– You watch as the bolt hits, arcs through her, arcs through the eggs. You see the eggs still carrying them, no visual.

MARISHA: It didn’t do anything to 'em?

MATT: Well, nothing you can see, no.

MARISHA: Nothing I can see. Maybe I like microwaved 'em inside. Like nuked 'em. Might have nuked 'em.

TRAVIS: Might have been like Vision and you made 'em super strong.

MARISHA: Yeah, or I turned 'em into little Vision dragons. You know, one of the two. Okay, and then for my bonus action, I’m going to do a Healing Word on Vax.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I’m just gonna do it at first level. Sorry.

LIAM: No, hey.

TALIESIN: It’s back up.

MARISHA: Three plus (indistinguishable) so nine total.

LIAM: Thank you.

MATT: At the end of your turn, watching you form over, hit her with lightning, hit the eggs and all of a sudden, breath come back to the lungs of Vax on the ground. Raishan, “Not so fast.” Still clutching the eggs, her front claws kind of form this small spiral as the air grows surprisingly cold causing this mist to form around the extended ends of her claws. As she puts her arms forth, casting Cone of Cold outward from her.

LAURA: I wonder if they’re elemental, like, amplifiers.

MARISHA: The eggs?

TALIESIN: I think, I think maybe they’re–

TRAVIS: Just eggs?

TALIESIN: No, no, I think she may be on to something.

MATT: That’s going to be… I don’t know if it’s going to hit.

TALIESIN: No, no.

MATT: Does not hit Gilmore. However, I need Scanlan…

SAM: Would I be able to counter spell this or– or am I already in a cloud of smoke and coughing?

MATT: Oh, you can’t technically move cause you’re doubled over.

SAM: I’m already in the cloud, right?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: You’re in the cloud, but you can be restored. Cause you’ve been backed up.

SAM: Oh. Backblaze?

SAM: You’re slowly becoming me tonight.

TALIESIN: Can Gilmore dispel or– Just throwing that out there. I know you’re playing a lot of hands here.

SAM: You’re so handsome and charming all of a sudden.

MATT: What’s the range on that? Unfortunately, Gilmore’s just out of range. 60 foot range.

TALIESIN: Goddammit, okay.

MATT: Good looking out though.

TALIESIN: I’m trying.

MATT: So that is Kima, Pike, J'Mon, Scanlan, Vax and Vex all making constitution saving throws.

LAURA: I’m unconscious.

MATT: So, you take another death save.

LAURA: Cool.

TALIESIN: Goddammit. We need to fix that.

LAURA: I’ve got one save left.

TALIESIN: Please, we got to fix that.

SAM: Did I– wait. Vax-y poo, did I give you my cold armor? I mean, Vex-y poo.

LAURA: Yeah, you did, but it’s not attuned.

SAM: You’re not even using it?

MATT: And even then, even at half damage, she’s unconscious.

LAURA: Well, I am, I’m just not getting cold–

MATT: So you’re at two death saves on impact. You’re unconscious again to zero. You take…

SAM: I rolled an 11.

MATT: An eleven, yeah. So you take 43 points of cold damage.

SAM: I’m so dead.

TRAVIS: No, no, unconscious.

MATT: Unconscious.

LAURA: You’re unconscious.

SAM: Negative 41.

MATT: Both roll for Pike.

LAURA: It doesn’t matter what you’re negative.

TRAVIS: Unless it’s your total hit points.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Roll for Pike if you could please.

LAURA: Well, I wouldn’t count it, but yeah, that was– that was bad. It was better when I–

TALIESIN: Well, not anymore.

LAURA: What is this, what is this? Constitution, what is this? Five! Cause I suck.

MATT: Pike takes another 43 points of cold damage.

LAURA: Pike is unconscious.

SAM: The gnomes are down. Well, at least we got Kima.

LAURA: Whoa. The two– the twins and the gnomes are out. SAM: Yeah, whoa, we’re down four?

TALIESIN: We’re down four.

SAM: Whoa!

LAURA: This is serious, you guys.

SAM: Don’t worry, Devo'ssa’s here to give one shot of 28 points of damage. Come on, Devo'ssa, do something!

TRAVIS: I would hit the dragon cause it’s low enough, but it’s on the other side of the map.

MATT: Alrighty, so that’s the end of Keyleth’s turn. It’s now Gilmore’s turn.

TRAVIS: Come on, Gilmore.

LAURA: Do you have Mass Cure, Gilmore?

MATT: Gilmore does not cure, unfortunately, that’s not his specialty.

TRAVIS: What about Razzle Dazzle?

MATT: He’s used a lot of his spells.

(sighs)

TALIESIN: I have nothing.

TRAVIS: Can he cast like–

SAM: Oh, wait! Shit. No, that was poison. He shot– Raishan shot poison at us, right?

TALIESIN: No, cold.

LAURA: Cold the last time.

SAM: No, the cold this time. The previous time it was poison.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Never acid though.

TALIESIN: No, never acid.

MATT: Gilmore rushes around J'Mon almost as a defensive stand point, but also kind of taking in the circumstance. Watching this blast of cold air come through. Kind of looks around, seeing everyone on the ground. It’s like, “Oh God, oh God.” And in a fit of rage and needing to lock this down, just gonna go ahead with what he has left at his disposal to release a… All he can really do is a lightning bolt. Which Raishan rolls a one.

LAURA: Oh, good, good.

MATT: Uses legendary resistance to resist it.

LAURA: I have to pee so bad, I got to get up.

SAM: How do you want to do this?

MATT: I know. Ten points of lightning damage to Raishan.

LAURA: What I’m scared of is that I’m gonna be away from the table when I actually die, but I have to pee.

MATT: Go pee, it’s fine.

LAURA: Just don’t kill me while I’m not at the table, okay, Matt?

MATT: Do my best.

SAM: Hey, when she gets back let’s all be crying.

LAURA: (offscreen) Don’t– I heard that!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: You are the worst person. Two seconds longer.

MATT: Grog.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Actually, no, oh, thank you so much.

TALIESIN: Oh, yay.

MATT: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Beautiful. They found my base.

TALIESIN: Wow, look at all those minis that are flattened. Wake up our healer.

MATT: Look at that. Looks much more majestic when it’s up in the air. Oh God. I’m juggling here. Stay on there! Alright, so, at the end of that turn… there’s two more legendary actions from Raishan. She has four, she has four. To cast a Melf’s Acid Arrow at Gilmore.

SAM: (snickering)

TRAVIS: Wait, where did Gilmore go, I can’t see.

MATT: He’s underneath.

SAM: No one said D&D was easy, guys.

MATT: Okay, a ranged spell attack. So, yeah, that hits. So that is 4d4 acid damage against– That’s five. Five, ten points of acid damage. Gilmore is now also down.

SAM: Oh!

TRAVIS: Is that five total?

TALIESIN: Five down, we have five down.

MATT: As Gilmore runs past the dragon, Raishan just with this almost underhanded, flips her claws out and this one little greenish dart of arcane energy slams into Gilmore’s chest. And he just falls to the ground.

TALIESIN: We’re so fucked.

MATT: Burning into him like alien blood.

TRAVIS: This is some kind of horrible record.

LAURA: Gilmore just went unconscious too?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Sit down.

LAURA: Oh, no!

SAM: Kima, Percy, Keyleth. It’s up to you.

MATT: Grog, it’s your turn.

SAM: Oh, wait, Grog! I forgot Grog.

TRAVIS: Hey!

TALIESIN: Is there anything you can do to fix this?

TRAVIS: I have a question.

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: So my speed is 50, but I don’t know if I ever thought of what my speed is enlarged-ish. It’s not double, right? I don’t really have a card for it. It doesn’t say anything about my speed.

MATT: Wait, for which one, on the–

LAURA: If he was enlarged.

MATT: If you’re enlarged, no, it doesn’t increase your speed at all.

TRAVIS: Yeah, okay.

MATT: You’re still 50, you’re bigger–

TALIESIN: Fuck.

TRAVIS: So, from where I am, if I wanted to head towards you, how far could I get?

MATT: You could get… That far there.

TRAVIS: That does fuck all.

TALIESIN: That– yeah.

TRAVIS: I could throw the axe but Pike’s unconscious. I’m gonna run to Pike.

SAM: Start saving shit.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: And I have the middle potion available.

LAURA: The Greater?

TRAVIS: The Greater.

MATT: Alrighty, so you’re gonna use your action to administer the Greater healing potion to Pike. Alrighty, go for it.

SAM: To Pike.

TRAVIS: How many– How many is that, I don’t remember.

LAURA: That’s 4d4.

MATT: Yeah, 4d4 plus four.

TRAVIS: Okay. Four. Four, that’s two. Hey, seven and a four is eleven. Fifteen. Fifteen points to Pike.

MATT: Fifteen points to Pike.

TALIESIN: And she still has her turn coming up.

LAURA: Yes.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay, okay, that’s good.

LAURA: But she has basically no spells left.

SAM: She’s got no spell slots. Does she have any spell– higher level spell slots open?

LAURA: She’s got a fourth level spell.

TALIESIN: And then she can burn a fourth to heal somebody at a fourth level. She can heal you at a fourth level because you need healing now.

MATT: That ends your turn, Grog? Vex, it’s your turn. I need you to make a death saving throw.

TALIESIN: Goddammit.

LAURA: I could die.

TALIESIN: Yep, this could be it.

SAM: This is the last one?

LAURA: This is my last death saving throw.

TALIESIN: This is it.

LAURA: No advantage, no nothing.

TALIESIN: Oh God fucking damn it.

LAURA: I’m using– no, I’m not even gonna say it.

(groans)

LAURA: I failed it.

MATT: What’d you roll?

LAURA: Five.

MATT: Five. There, on the banks of the lava flow in Thordak’s lair, the breath escapes Vex. Her body going still and unfortunately not cold because of the vicinity of the flames, but Vex has fallen.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: Vax.

LIAM: Death save.

MATT: With advantage.

LIAM: I made it.

MATT: Made it? That brings us to Kima.

TRAVIS: Fuck.

SAM: Holy shit.

MATT: Kima, who’s– Pike is now conscious, correct? From the potion.

LAURA: Pike is conscious with 15 points.

MATT: Kima’s panicking watching all this happen and seeing this happen in the distance. Looks to Gilmore, looks to Vax. She kind of frustratingly just throws the sword at her side and reaches down and does a level two Healing Word to Gilmore. That is 12, so Gilmore is back and conscious.

MARISHA: As a bonus action, so can she heal someone else?

MATT: Alrighty. That ends Kima’s turn is now–

MARISHA: Does she happen to do– that’s a bonus action. Can she do it twice?

MATT: That was– that was not Healing Word, sorry, Cure Wounds.

TALIESIN: Goddammit.

MATT: She’s going to move, stepping over his body, “Keep it going, friend.” Leaps over him. Two, three, four, five. And she kind of runs past, pulling the sword out again, looks up at the dragon and says, “Alright, show us what you can do, buddy. There’s a lot riding on this.” After Kima is J'Mon. They look down at the running Halfling. “Dire as it may be, that’s why we’re here.” Let’s see if he gets his breath back. Nope. They did not get their breath back.

TRAVIS: Shit.

LAURA: Just– bitch– bitchslap Raishan.

MARISHA: Kaiju battle!

LIAM: Take your earrings off, come on.

MATT: Rushes up and– Goes right up into Raishan’s space.

LAURA: Yes!

SAM: Dragon on dragon.

LAURA: He has a base now? When did that happen?

TRAVIS: While you were peeing.

LAURA: That’s great.

MATT: So, just rushes up into Raishan. You feel the wind kind of blast past as the wings of J'Mon Sa Ord, Devo'ssa, pick them up and they rush around strafing the side of Raishan and unleash a barrage of attacks against her. That will be– First one is 16, no. Bite misses. Three and a two, really?

LAURA: Really?

TRAVIS: No, no, no, no.

MARISHA: Come on, man.

TRAVIS: I don’t believe it.

MARISHA: Come on!

TRAVIS: I don’t believe.

SAM: Look at all the notes, look at all the notes.

TRAVIS: I don’t believe it!

MATT: Three, two and one. That is ridiculous.

LAURA: You know why this happened? Cause you took so long to call–

SAM: Yeah, I know, I know. They got– they got bored waiting at home and yeah.

MATT: So.

SAM: It’s me, it’s on me.

MATT: As J'Mon rushes up and unleashes, Raishan, who is slippery at best, and really, really, really creepily deceitful at her worst, dodges to the side, so, she’s in the shadows and the cloud of the storm in the air to kind of hide her form as J'Mon reaches out and starts slashing Raishan, who’s now has this kind of wild look in her eyes of now mounting victory. From a moment of fear earlier, she manages to avoid the first two strikes and the third one, the tail slaps against the side of Raishan’s body. Whack and smacks to no effect.

TRAVIS: Jesus.

MATT: That ends J'Mon’s turn. It is now Pike’s turn.

LIAM: Pike, how close is she to–

SAM: Book!

TALIESIN: Book?

MATT: Pike is about 25 feet away.

LIAM: She’s gonna run up, kneel down, wait, kiss Vex on the forehead, and say, “Not like this, buddy,” and cast Revivify for her last spell.

TRAVIS: It is her last.

MATT: Revivify is touch and she’s coming up from unconscious prone which means she doesn’t have the movement to get there to touch her.

LIAM: Pike is unconscious?

MATT: Oh, no, she was– she was–

TRAVIS: Pike was not unconscious.

MARISHA: She was not unconscious, she was up.

TRAVIS: She was up with 15–

MATT: Oh, oh.

LAURA: She had 15. But she was–

SAM: She was lying down.

LAURA: She was lying on–

MATT: So, she was prone. She was prone.

TRAVIS: Oh, why didn’t I just pick her up?

MATT: No, so she can move. She can’t get there.

LAURA: That’s okay.

MATT: It’s a touch spell.

LIAM: Who’s she near?

MARISHA: How much time does Revivify need?

LAURA: A minute.

TALIESIN: Oh, under a minute. Oh, well, she can make her way–

LAURA: She’s got Sprinter’s Boots on! She just texted.

MATT: Had she used them recently?

LAURA: We didn’t use them in the last fight because we didn’t realize she had 'em.

MATT: The internet will let us know.

LAURA: Well, I– we didn’t use 'em in the fight with Thordak.

LIAM: She didn’t know she had 'em so we didn’t use 'em.

MATT: Right, right, so.

SAM: Do you have any other healing spells that can work at a distance?

LIAM: She’s dead.

MARISHA: She’s dead. She’s gonna do Revivify.

LAURA: For Pike, though.

TALIESIN: Yeah, like.

LIAM: So the Sprinter’s Boots do nothing, I mean, I don’t know.

MATT: The Sprinter’s Boots will let her double her movement for a round.

LIAM: So will she get there?

LAURA: She’s writing in all caps “Sprinter’s Boots!”

(laughing)

LIAM: Alright, so Revivify.

MATT: Alright.

TALIESIN: Oh my God.

MATT: Now, this is mid-combat. For the purposes of this–

LAURA: Oh God.

SAM: How long does it take to cast?

LIAM: It’s instantaneous.

TALIESIN: Less than six seconds.

LIAM: One action, instantaneous.

MARISHA: Yeah, she did lay out less than six seconds, man.

MATT: I understand. So, this– this is going to be a rapid resurrection skill check.

LAURA: Oh God, really? Okay.

MATT: So, but this is only from Pike because it is a singular roll. So.

LAURA: Can Ashley roll, do you want to roll Ashley?

MATT: As Pike rushes up, what does Pike utilize o implore Vex’s soul to return?

SAM: Liam, you answer.

LIAM: My gosh. She grabs a dagger out of Vex’s belt and cuts off a lock of her hair and presses it into Vex’s hand. “It’s not time, it’s not time for you. No.”

MATT: Go ahead and just roll a d20.

LAURA: She’s– oh! Oh, no! Should we read that?

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: A ten? As the glow from the outside of her form that just radiates with the armor itself, centrally focuses itself into her holy symbol and is sent down the arm. Each piece of the plate mail glowing in succession like a series of chained lights as it reaches the fingers, touching the bottom of her fingertips to Vex’s torso. The air seems to go dark for a moment around her body before it pulses, and with that, you watch as her jaw moves ever so slightly taking in, once more, the warm air of Thordak’s lair.

MARISHA: No one else die.

MATT: Pike, want to do anything else? Bonus action?

LIAM: Geez, I don’t–

LAURA: Oh, she should take– she should take a potion or something.

TRAVIS: Yeah, heal herself please.

LAURA: She’s got a– she’s got a Greater healing– Pike has a Greater healing potion that I know of. So she can take it.

MATT: Okay. So that is a 4d4 plus four.

TRAVIS: This sucks!

TALIESIN: I’m almost of the thinking that she shouldn’t take it just because– Well, no, she’s got–

LAURA: She’s got 15 points.

TALIESIN: Well, I mean, but anything hits her– half the things that hit her are gonna even kill that and that’s a revive from death.

LAURA: That’s true.

MARISHA: Yeah, but it’s on her, right? Yeah, I see what you mean though.

LAURA: Should she wait, should she hold it?

SAM: They’re in control of her.

TALIESIN: Yeah, you do it, you do it, you do it. I’m overthinking this.

LIAM: Yeah, we’re talking about getting people back up. At this point, not healing cause any hit is lethal. So getting someone on their feet.

TRAVIS: I got some potions cause I never use 'em, but…

MATT: Yeah, you guys have been hording potions for a while. You’ve been burning through all of them from these two encounters.

TRAVIS: I’ve got all the ones I’ve never used.

LIAM: Who’s on the ground by Grog?

TALIESIN: You.

LIAM: No, I know I am, but who else is that?

TALIESIN: It’s Scanlan, Scanlan’s on the ground still.

LIAM: Is someone up besides me?

LAURA: Well, I want– it’s an action if she– if she gives it to anybody else. She can’t, she can only take it as a bonus action for herself.

TRAVIS: Go.

LIAM: Go.

LAURA: Oh, that’s really good though.

MARISHA: I wonder how bad Raishan is looking.

TALIESIN: He hasn’t said the phrase.

LAURA: Nineteen.

MATT: Okay, nice. Alright, at the end of Pike’s turn, Devo'ssa, J'Mon Sa Ord, is gonna use two legendary actions to attempt a wing attack.

TALIESIN: Thank God.

TRAVIS: Come on, come on.

MATT: He is now like just assailing Raishan with their wings. So, Raishan has to make a dexterity saving throw. That is cocked, try again. No, that is a failure. Raishan’s gonna use the last legendary resistance to resist that. So instead takes…

TRAVIS: Fuck!

MATT: That’s…

MARISHA: She’s burned through all of her legendary resistance?

MATT: Seven points of bludgeoning damage and is not knocked prone. That would have messed her up. Okay.

TRAVIS: Is not knocked prone?

MATT: No, she is not, she’s safe. Okay, that brings us to Scanlan.

LAURA: We just gotta get out of here.

SAM: Fail.

MATT: That’s a death saving throw off Scanlan. Alrighty, that brings us to the top of the round. Percy, you are in the back of a wall.

TALIESIN: I’m taking…

MATT: The curse of the unscathed!

TALIESIN: You know, I was gonna take shots at the eggs, but I give up. I’m taking just shots at Raishan.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TALIESIN: Come on. Don’t be stupid. That’s stupid.

MARISHA: Pretty stupid.

LAURA: Oh my God, we’re all gonna– I’m not gonna say it. We’re gonna–

TRAVIS: Don’t you– shh!

LAURA: We’re gonna get through this, you guys. We’re all gonna get through this.

TRAVIS: ♪ I gotta get through this ♪ ♪ I gotta get through this ♪ ♪ I gotta get ♪♪

TALIESIN: Yeah, so I’ve got– that’s a– that’s a– That’s a gun jam.

MARISHA: Fuck.

MATT: Really?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: Fuck.

TALIESIN: Hold on.

LAURA: Oh my God.

TALIESIN: That’s a bad gun jam. I’m talking bad, they’re both bad gun jams. Alright, I’ve got one weapon left that can just barely make it, so I’m just screaming to the world. Here we go.

MATT: So you’re pulling out Retort.

TALIESIN: Yeah, Retort is out and that’s a 23.

MATT: That hits. Two more attacks on that, right?

TALIESIN: Only one more because I took an attack with Bad News.

MATT: That’s– well, Bad News takes an attack to reload.

TALIESIN: But– no, the first shot went–

MATT: Right, but usually, it’s action.

TALIESIN: Right, so I have two more– I have two attacks with Retort. So, that’s–

MATT: That hits.

TALIESIN: That’s um, oh, that’s nice. Fourteen points of damage.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: And… Oh, that was so mean, that was almost a natural 20. Twenty-four.

MATT: That hits.

TALIESIN: Ah, 16 points of damage.

MATT: Nice.

TRAVIS: Nice.

MATT: Let me take some concentration checks on that. Yep and yeah.

TALIESIN: And I’m going to reload, and I’m going to start running across the wall away from the fray.

MATT: Around this way?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: So, you get about there.

TALIESIN: That far. Getting out of the way.

MATT: Okay. That ends your turn. It is now back to a lair action.

SAM: Great.

TRAVIS: Fuck.

MATT: The ground in the center here quakes and cracks open as a familiar burst of magma– Everyone in this vicinity.

LAURA: Goddammit.

MATT: I need Vex. Vax, you’re–

LIAM: Well, I gotta go, I’ve got one success.

MATT: Right, but you’re still unconscious, right?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: So, you just take– you just lose a death saving throw. As the magma bursts and sprays around, so you take one. I need you to make a dexterity save. I need Scanlan–

SAM: I lose another death save.

MATT: You lose another.

LAURA: You got one left, Scanlan?

MATT: I need Pike to make a dexterity saving throw.

TRAVIS: Me too, right?

MATT: And you too, Grog.

SAM: He’s got high dex, right? Right?

LAURA: Well, this, you know what?

MATT: Gilmore does not make it.

TRAVIS: That’s not bad.

MATT: I’m rolling shit for damage, that’s good. Wow.

SAM: What’d you roll, Laurs?

LAURA: I rolled an eight for Pike.

MATT: Okay, so–

LAURA: And a one for me.

MATT: Okay, ten points of fire damage to each of you halved, so you both take five.

LAURA: Okay, I’m unconscious.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: This is so fun, you guys, I love this fight.

SAM: Let’s go– oh.

LAURA: Pike’s at 29.

TRAVIS: I rolled a 19.

MATT: A 19, okay, you succeed, so you take half damage. So you take five, but you’re resistant from the potion, so half that, so two. Two points of fire damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: Alrighty. It is now Raishan’s turn.

MARISHA: So not good.

TRAVIS: I just want to go flip the table over.

MATT: Hasted. Raishan, by the way, from the attack from Percy, the damage, you can see Raishan is now visibly bleeding. Parts of the scales are torn. You can see now, at a close up vantage point, as much as the previous dragons you’ve battled have had a lot of resilience, Raishan’s taken a fair amount of damage, but seems to not be quite as physically hearty as what you previously faced and is looking visibly hurt. Raishan is going to begin the round, turning to the rest of you. “I have business elsewhere, and you’re being really obnoxious. Stay down.” And glancing over is going to go ahead and with both of her hands, again, release another… She is almost out of spells. Cone of Cold.

LAURA: Oh no, this is gonna be Scanlan.

MARISHA: Fuck.

MATT: That is– I need– So, Scanlan–

TRAVIS: No!

MATT: Scanlan is…

TALIESIN: God fucking damn it.

MATT: Frozen, covered in ice, locked in place. A solid gnome bereft of life. Motionless on the ground.

SAM: I died as I lived: hard.

(laughter)

MATT: Gilmore takes–

TRAVIS: I heard him say that before he died.

MATT: Gilmore loses a death saving throw. Vax, you take another damage to your two failed death saving throws. Pike needs to make a constitution saving throw. Grog, constitution saving throw.

LAURA: Was I in there?

MATT: You were, so you also–

TRAVIS: Twenty-four.

MATT: Twenty-four, you succeed.

TRAVIS: Plus 10 for constitution.

LAURA: That’s good.

TRAVIS: Fourteen.

MARISHA: Jesus.

LAURA: Eleven for Pike.

MATT: Okay, that’s 30 points of cold damage to Pike.

LAURA: Seriously?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: She’s unconscious.

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: Pike is unconscious.

TALIESIN: That’s where we’re at.

LAURA: We’re– we’re– I don’t know how we’re gonna get Scanlan back.

TALIESIN: I–I have no– there’s no–

MARISHA: That’ll be a later question?

TALIESIN: That may happen.

MATT: So Pike is down.

TALIESIN: You have a plan?

SAM: I have a plan. It involves me humping a lot of angels in heaven.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: Watching this carnage, you watch as the spell finalizes the blast of cold arcane energy just careening forth and then fading. The ground itself, which is now, normally glowing orange, is now covered with a very thin sheet of ice and you watch steam rise up from the contrasting heat and cold from the spell affecting the surrounding atmosphere. As the mist dissipates, you see a big toothy grin curl across Raishan’s face. Little bit of dragon blood curling past her teeth from the wounds that she’s suffered. Glaring nervously over at J'Mon Sa Ord, who has taken nearly no damage at this point and is currently up in Raishan’s face. Raishan says, “Well, I’m afraid I have to get to the rest of my day. Die amongst your friends as you should.” And just tears off of J'Mon and goes into a full hasted fly away.

SAM: Does J'Mon get–

LIAM: Attack of opportunity, J'Mon.

MATT: J'Mon does, J'Mon is gonna make a bite attack against Raishan. With a natural 20!

SAM: Does that grapple?

TRAVIS: Are you serious?

MARISHA: Does that grapple?

MATT: It does not grapple. But that is…

MARISHA: She’d have to do a concentration check, right?

MATT: She will, yeah. That is 18 plus eight. That’s 26 piercing damage plus she’s immune to poison. She takes no poison damage. That’s 28 points of piercing damage to her.

TALIESIN: (whimpering)

MATT: Concentration check, oh, she’s fine. It’s ten plus 14, so, yeah, she’s fine. So, the haste does not dispel, however, J'Mon bites out and takes a huge chunk of flesh as the teeth just scrape across the back of Raishan’s wing and shoulder like… (snarls) But manages to pull away and at a full 160 foot flying speed hasted and just disappears down the hallway.

MARISHA: Should’ve done that, should’ve done it.

MATT: Into the ashes and shadow behind. Keyleth, it’s your turn.

MARISHA: Okay, she has 120 foot– or she just went 160 feet?

MATT: A 160 feet, yeah.

MARISHA: Is she– But she wasn’t– Fuck me, oh my God, okay. Can I still see her through the tunnel?

MATT: No, she is outside of your dark vision view radius and there is no light in the tunnel ahead and it is a slight incline. You just watch her just… Disappear into the dark tunnel. Currently have no bead of sight on her.

TRAVIS: Smoke the tunnel, dude. Maybe you get her, maybe you don’t. I’m gonna shut up.

MARISHA: It’s a range thing. I mean, could I try and– fuck. This is really bad.

TALIESIN: Yes, it’s really bad.

MARISHA: She’s so far away, dude.

SAM: J'Mon can chase her.

LAURA: But he’s there and–

TALIESIN: And she’s so much faster than him. She’s hasted.

TRAVIS: Don’t worry, I’m gonna take off at a run and–

TALIESIN: Yeah. He can only go probably half her speed.

TRAVIS: Picture Butterbean running down an empty street.

MARISHA: 'Cause my– my question is–

SAM: Jarret’s still up there.

MARISHA: She didn’t necessarily–

LAURA: Just waiting, crossbow loaded.

TRAVIS: He’s just like…

(whimpers)

MARISHA: 'Cause could I try and move up and then do a long range Wall of Stone spell? To try and collapse the tunnel before she gets out? It’s 120 foot.

MATT: A 120 foot range? The spell from where you are currently, which is over here, she went 160 feet even further away from you than she was, so she’d be beyond the distance of the spell unfortunately.

TRAVIS: Cause if you miss, you trap us.

LAURA: Yeah, and then we can’t get out.

MARISHA: No, I mean, I can’t– I mean, I could get us out again, but–

LAURA: A bunch of dead people, you could get a bunch of dead people out?

MARISHA: I know. Okay, wow.

TRAVIS: Indiana Jones and the Last crusade.

MARISHA: This is really bad. Okay, I will use…

LAURA: That wasn’t her last spell, by the way. She’s got three spell slots left.

MARISHA: Who’s– yeah, who’s really close? Who’s like one away? Who’s like really bad?

LAURA: Close to death?

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: He’s closer to death than me.

LIAM: I’m two failures.

SAM: Is Pike down?

LAURA: Pike’s unconscious.

TRAVIS: Oh, she is?

SAM: Get Pike up.

LAURA: I’m one fail, he’s two fails. Scanlan’s dead.

TALIESIN: Who’s got healing spells? Wake up whoever can heal.

LAURA: I’ve got Cure Wounds if I’m awake.

TALIESIN: So, get her up.

LIAM: I can heal people if I get up.

MARISHA: Okay, it doesn’t matter. Can I kinda jump and make my way over like, this kind of…

TALIESIN: Fuck.

MARISHA: This– can I cross this tinier lava right there? Kind of like, or is that a pretty far jump?

MATT: I mean, you have to still jump. So you have to make an athletics check.

MARISHA: How far of a jump is that?

MATT: It’s about six, seven feet. So make an athletics check.

MARISHA: Sure, why not? Why not at this point?

LAURA: No, Keyleth, no.

MARISHA: Well, that was a natural one.

TRAVIS: On what, on what?

SAM: Just moving.

MARISHA: Just trying to jump across what should have been literally anything else.

TRAVIS: How many hit points do you have? How many hit points do you have?

SAM: It doesn’t matter, she’s not even gonna get over to anyone to heal them.

MARISHA: 60.

LAURA: I don’t know, man, lava.

TRAVIS: One six or six zero.

TALIESIN: Six zero.

SAM: She’s fine. But no, she’s not necessarily fine.

LAURA: Lava has a new rule now.

MATT: Well, not a new rule, the actual rule.

TRAVIS: The actual rule that we didn’t use the very very first time. But we felt it last time.

MATT: So, as you rush over trying to help, you go to leap, but your foot catches what you thought was solid volcanic rock. Unfortunately, it’s brittle and broken and it slips beneath your foot. In doing so, you only get about three feet before you plant the lower half of your body straight into the lava.

LAURA: Oh my God.

TRAVIS: (laughing)

MATT: That’s 53 points of fire damage.

LAURA: 53!

SAM: You’re alive!

LAURA: Get up, get out, you can get out of it. You’ve got seven points left.

TALIESIN: You died as you lived.

MARISHA: A fucking dumbass, yeah!

TRAVIS: I can’t see! It’s just a wall of tears.

LAURA: Can she get out of the lava or is she just in?

MARISHA: Can I get out now? I’m trying to use my movement or am I gonna die if I get out?

MATT: You’re essentially prone in the lava. You rolled a one to jump and you basically went…

LAURA: Belly flopped into lava. You mean, she’s gonna take damage trying to get out of it?

MARISHA: Can I get out?

MATT: You’re technically prone. The rest of your movement will get you up and out, but it’ll just get you out of the lava.

LAURA: At least you’re out.

LIAM: Get out, get out.

MATT: So, you’ll get out and you’ll be just on the edge there.

LAURA: Oh my God.

TRAVIS: This is the best.

LAURA: This is the worst!

MATT: Wow!

MARISHA: I was like, as long as I don’t roll a one, that shouldn’t be that hard– okay.

TALIESIN: Oh, look, someone left a metaphor on the ground. (laughter) Don’t step in it or anything. Oh God, it’s everywhere.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

MATT: Wow.

TALIESIN: Well, this could’ve gone worse.

MATT: Wow!

TALIESIN: Yeah!

MARISHA: Okay, I’m out of the flame.

MATT: This whole thing’s a metaphor for 2017.

LAURA: Does J'Mon Sa Ord have any healing spells?

MARISHA: And I reach over as a bonus action and do a Healing Word to– to Vax.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Just–

MATT: What level?

MARISHA: I don’t know.

TRAVIS: Come on, stay with it. Stay in the fight.

MARISHA: Level one. Oh, that’s good, that’s four so, nine points.

SAM: Nine points.

TRAVIS: He wakes up!

MATT: Vax is now conscious.

MARISHA: No, I’m sorry ten points, that’s ten points.

MATT: There you go.

LAURA: Sweet, even better. You’re double digits. Scanlan, we’ve got to just– we’ve got to get Scanlan back.

TALIESIN: There’s a lot of work that needs to happen.

TRAVIS: I got her, I got– I got Pike.

TALIESIN: Who’s up?

SAM: Grog is up.

TALIESIN: I mean, who’s next?

TRAVIS: I think it’s me.

LAURA: It’s Gilmore.

TRAVIS: No, it’s Gilmore.

MATT: So, Gilmore gets up. Kind of looks around. “Where did she go?”

TRAVIS: “Through the tunnel.”

MATT: Okay. He rushes this way and as he gets about there, he… slams into something that is currently invisible. You see a slight ripple of arcane energy and you see a series of small glyphs spiral outward and then it goes see-through again. He starts slamming his fists on it. “Of course, of course. Of course.”

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: He goes and… Let’s see what he has left.

TRAVIS: She made a Lite Brite wall.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: He’s a mime.

MATT: Technically, he looks like a mime from your standpoint.

MARISHA: Can I turn to J'Mon? Say, “J'Mon, can you sense her presence? She’s a fellow dragon. Do you know where she might be going or what she might be doing?”

MATT: “I haven’t the faintest. I only just arrived.”

TRAVIS: Oh, fuck, Thordak is outside of the cave!

LIAM: Are we out of combat now?

TRAVIS: Thordak is still in the hallway.

LAURA: The round’s still going.

MATT: So we’re gonna continue going through the order here.

LAURA: So, it’s Grog, it’s your turn, Grog.

MATT: So, Grog, it’s your turn.

TRAVIS: I run to my buddy, Pike, and I beer bong this Greater healing potion into her gullet.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: What is that?

LAURA: 4d8 plus four. I mean, 4d4 plus four.

MATT: 4d4 plus four.

TRAVIS: Eight. Twelve. Twelve points.

LAURA: So, Pike is awake.

TRAVIS: Pike, hi! Go, heal!

LAURA: “What’s going–”

TRAVIS: Lot of problems.

SAM: Got any more of those Revivify’s?

MATT: Alright, that ends your turn, Grog?

LAURA: Actually, she does have a third level spell left.

MATT: You do.

MARISHA: Really?

LAURA: Yes! She does have a third level spell!

MARISHA: Well, yes, do that, do that really quick!

LAURA: She cast Revivify at fourth level the last time.

MARISHA: Do it, do it, do it.

TRAVIS: The eggs that remain are toast?

LAURA: Holy shit.

MATT: Two of them are completely destroyed and there is one that has been shot and is leaking.

LAURA: I have it circled.

TALIESIN: Don’t worry about it. Let’s get out there.

TRAVIS: Alright, that ends my turn.

MATT: Okay. That brings us to Vex. I need you to make a death saving throw.

LAURA: Right. I’m scared of all these dice.

TRAVIS: I’m using what’s left of my movement to go towards that egg.

MATT: Towards this egg?

TRAVIS: Yeah, the one shot egg.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I’m gonna try something weird.

MATT: That’s two death saving throws on Vex.

TRAVIS: You failed it?

LAURA: I failed it.

MATT: Vax.

LIAM: I stumble over to my sister and cast Lay on Hands and give her five to bring her back.

MATT: So, yeah, cause you’ve been giving it out–

LIAM: I haven’t done anything with Lay on Hands. Or I might have done it once but I always do very small amounts. I have a total of 15 hit points cause I’m a third level–

MATT: I’m pretty sure you used it once before.

LIAM: But I’ve never used more than five with that spell cause it’s worthless to heal. It’s just good for bringing up. So I have at least 10 hit points left.

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: Five hit points.

LAURA: Yeah, cause the only time you used it before was when you BAMFed up to my broom after I grabbed the dagger.

MATT: You’re still prone by the way. You just basically crawled over and touched her.

LIAM: That’s fine. I’m gonna use the rest of my movement to stand.

MATT: Okay, so you stand up and you still have half your movement if you wanted to.

LIAM: Everyone who’s down, who’s down? And I don’t mean dead. Pike just got–

TALIESIN: Pike’s up.

MATT: Pike is conscious, your sister’s conscious.

LIAM: Is Kima conscious?

LAURA: Yes. Kima’s conscious.

LIAM: So, we’ve got dead Scanlan.

TALIESIN: And that’s– that’s Pike’s problem.

LIAM: And that’s it, I’m done. Wait, where’s that egg?

MATT: Which one?

LIAM: It doesn’t matter.

LAURA: It’s the last egg.

LIAM: I’m done, I’m done.

MATT: Alrighty, that ends Vax’s turn.

LAURA: Just worried there’s gonna be another lair action in the same spot.

MATT: Kima rushes up and swinging her holy sword in the air, goes for a full swing, noticing that everybody’s now conscious, goes and takes a full swing towards this invisible barrier. As it streaks across, you see divine energy go flying off in a shower of sparks and a giant shimmering, shaking visual on this– this force wall that stands here in the center of the hallway. As she finishes her attack, it shimmers unscathed. She goes for a secondary attack. Strikes again. This time as it strikes across the sparks are even brighter and you can see the impact almost pushing her back off of her feet and as the blade comes to the end of its second arc. She looks up. The wall still stands.

TRAVIS: You are shitting me. It doesn’t flicker, doesn’t–

LAURA: It needs like a dispel or something.

MARISHA: Oh my God, I could– Oh my God, I could!

TALIESIN: Alright, that’s an option.

MATT: Alrighty that brings us to… J'Mon. J'Mon rushes. Flies up to the edge and kind of takes a moment streak a few claws across it. And where the claws streak, you can see the shimmering of this force wall.

TRAVIS: Well, phone’s out, oh God.

MATT: “The phone’s out, oh God”?

SAM: He’s calling an Uber because he knows we’re gonna kill him after this is done.

MATT: Come on, four percent, I got four percent left.

SAM: Four percent, get this man a charger!

MATT: I know.

SAM: Taliesin!

LIAM: No, no, no. Let’s start a YouTube video on it.

SAM: Can you run this over to Matt?

MATT: Yeah. J'Mon, with each strike, is like testing the boundaries of it across the sides of the tunnel and just goes… “This magic holds.”

TRAVIS: What? It holds? It–it holds?

MATT: Fun charger.

TALIESIN: Let me know, I’ve got maybe a plan. Yeah, you’ve got that. That’s an option, I’ve got another plan. You know my plan, my plan kind of sucks, but.

MATT: I’m not getting a charge.

SAM: Give it somebody else. There’s a button.

MATT: That’s alright. It happens. Anyway.

TALIESIN: No, no, it should just start.

SAM: No, there’s a button.

TALIESIN: Oh, there is a button.

SAM: There’s a button, he’ll find it.

MATT: J'Mon, oh, J'Mon gets the breath weapon back. And kind of pushes… both Kima and Gilmore aside. “Excuse me.” And unleashes a blast of burning hot breath across this wall. As it hits, it just curls across and spreads across the side of the walls as the dragon shields both Kima and Gilmore from the blast. As it finishes, the flame has been split the entirety and has no effect on the wall.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

LAURA: I wonder– I wonder if the beehive thing above us, that the holes are covered in magic as well.

TRAVIS: Are you conscious?

LAURA: Am I– I am conscious.

TALIESIN: I say, well, maybe killing the eggs, I don’t know. Kill the eggs.

MATT: Pike.

TRAVIS: Or maybe it’s like a Pacific Rim–

LAURA: But I don’t know what that says.

SAM: I–I can give it to you.

LAURA: But it’s now. My question is, Pike runs up, thank you. Oh, oh! If she runs up, is she gonna be able to get her hand on– on Scanlan?

MATT: Well, she was– She was prone, right? She just came back to consciousness. So she gets up for half her movement.

TALIESIN: We got a minute. Got a minute.

TRAVIS: I would have picked her up after the last time. I was being pissed about– I mean, you know, she’s so tiny.

MATT: Being a gnome, it’s one of those things where 25 feet halved and you always round on the lower end of the scale. At ten feet, she’s not close enough to touch Scanlan. Yet.

MARISHA: Even with the Sprinter’s Boots?

MATT: Sprinter’s Boots already got used. It’s got one round use.

LAURA: She says “She can use the Sprinter’s Boots twice” in all caps.

MATT: Alright then.

TALIESIN: The caps are what make it worthwhile.

MATT: I’ll trust her.

TRAVIS: She’s on a 30 second delay so she wrote that before we said it.

LAURA: Actually she did write that before we said it.

MATT: Good, alright then. Then that will be just enough to put her up next to Scanlan.

LAURA: Okay. So, Pike puts her hands on either side of his face and says, “Scanlan. Your letter to me was wonderful and I want to do what you asked but I can’t raise Kaylee alone, I need you to come back.” And she casts Revivify on him.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll a d20.

LAURA: I’m so scared. Thirteen?

MATT: Thirteen, okay. As she implores to the spirit of Scanlan in this frozen form, you watch as the icy crystals that have coalesced around his form and locked him in his place, his face kind of– This frozen look of horror. The ice begins to turn into mist around him and his color begins to return to his skin. His expression relaxes as his eyes suddenly focus and Scanlan, you find yourself conscious again looking up at Pike. Tears in her eyes, pulling her hand back from your shoulder. Looking up into the dark, you know, glowing lit interior of Thordak’s lair.

SAM: Don’t cry. I’m just a little cold.

LAURA: “Warm up. Does anybody have a blanket?”

SAM: “Just hold me.”

LAURA: “Okay.”

TRAVIS: She sent a picture.

LAURA: She did. She sent a picture of the Sprinter’s Boots cards with two uses.

TRAVIS: “Used twice while in rest…”

MATT: There we go. Cool, that’s what I wanted, thank you. So make sure everyone has their equipment cards on them. Alright, so that finishes Pike’s turn. Scanlan, you’re conscious now.

SAM: Hi.

TRAVIS: Welcome back, we’re still fucked by the way.

SAM: What’s going on?

TRAVIS: They sealed us in here with a giant magic screen across this door. Dragon’s breath does nothing, Kima does nothing. You know anything about this? Any limericks for magic cave doors?

SAM: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

LAURA: Glad you’re back, Scanlan.

SAM: Thanks, thanks. I’ve got one thing up my sleeve. It’s a dog that can run around and help us. That’s about it.

LAURA: Are we gonna have to take a short rest?

TALIESIN: No.

SAM: I don’t know, I don’t know. What– there’s magic there? I can’t do anything about that.

LAURA: Can I– can I– I know I’m gonna– Can I broom up to the holes? God, I’m so scared to get on this broom again.

TALIESIN: Well, it’s not– we’re still–

LAURA: Oh, in our order?

MARISHA: We’re still going in order?

MARISHA: Do you still have a Mansion?

MATT: Well, right now, as we’re getting back into this. Percy, what are you doing?

MARISHA: I have a crazy plan.

LAURA: Did you let the dog out?

SAM: No, I don’t know what–

TRAVIS: Who let the dog out?

LAURA: Scanlan, did you let the dog out?

SAM: Keyleth, do you have a crazy plan?

MARISHA: You only have to cast the Mansion Door within line of sight, correct?

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: I don’t know that that’s true actually. Three hundred feet, 300 feet range.

LAURA: Do you have it left?

SAM: I do.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: Okay, two things. One, before we start burning our seventh level spells, I still have Stone Shape. Can Keyleth go up to the wall and do I have enough– is there just enough room in the corridor walls that I could Stone Shape–

SAM: I could Dimension Door out of here.

LAURA: Why would you just–

LIAM: You get a tunnel for all of us, mate.

SAM: Yeah, that would just be me.

MARISHA: Can I Stone Shape a tunnel kind of around the thing? Or is–

MATT: First things first, Mordenkainen’s Magnificent Mansion is a one minute casting time.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: So you could do it, but in the process of doing so, you’d probably go through about 10 different lair actions in here.

TALIESIN: Yeah, there’s that.

MATT: So, Keyleth, you’re using, you said, stone–

MARISHA: Can I Stone Shape a little passage around? Do I have just enough kinda to where I can– where the barrier is I can kind of carve a little corridor around?

LIAM: Around or under?

MATT: It would be very tiny and you’d have to crawl through to create enough– Cause you’re not quite sure how thick the barrier is, so you have to be– have to roll an investigation check and based on your roll, I’ll let you know.

MARISHA: Okay.

TALIESIN: This is a plan.

MARISHA: Eight.

MATT: Eight? You’re not sure, you can give it a shot.

MARISHA: I’m– might as well give it a shot, I mean–

MATT: Before it gets to you, it does come back to a lair action.

LAURA: Wait, but–

SAM: On my turn, I drank a potion.

MATT: Okay, so take your healing.

SAM: That’s it.

TALIESIN: Has my turn not come up yet?

LAURA: I hate that we can’t get out of this fucking area!

MATT: Sorry, I asked you what you were doing.

TALIESIN: Oh, I want to try something stupid.

MATT: What do you want to try?

TALIESIN: I want to try and run headlong at the barrier.

MATT: Okay. Well, you have to–

LAURA: Don’t get too close into this area, Percy, cause this is where the fucking lair action keeps coming up.

TALIESIN: I want to stay on the wall.

MATT: Stay on the wall, okay. Leaving you roughly there. So even a full turn, that’s as far as you could get on a double run.

TALIESIN: Yeah, and I’m up on the wall still.

MATT: Cool. Alright, now– now this happens. With this, the quakiness of the lair seems to be subsiding a little bit. There is a tremor on the ground. It only affects those directly around the barrier, so that’s my people. Everyone succeeds, so no one falls prone. So no effect on that lair action, per se. Alright, past that. You can see in the distance, past the wall, dark in the tunnel, which is almost pitch black beyond the radius, you see this slight purplish glow and then a flash of purple energy.

TALIESIN: God, fucking damn it!

MARISHA: Talking to Thordak!

SAM: Should I go?

LAURA: What are you gonna do?

SAM: Distract it, do something.

TRAVIS: You’re gonna be all by yourself.

MARISHA: Okay, I’m gonna Stone Shape and try and just cast a little, even if it’s a corridor just right around.

MATT: It’s a touch spell so you have to get up to it, so you’re back there. So you just get up to the edge of the doorway and the wall with a double run.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: Okay?

MARISHA: I’m go ahead and can I use a bonus action.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: I’m gonna use my– no, no, no, I’m gonna just drink a healing potion real quick. Just one of my Greaters.

MATT: Okay, go for it. So it is 4d4 plus four. Alright. Gilmore.

TALIESIN: This poor book has seen better days.

MATT: Gilmore doesn’t really have anything that can be of aid right now. Gilmore moves over towards you. Preparing for what you’re up to, and just kind of puts his hand on your shoulder, Keyleth, and goes, “Whatever you’re doing, I’m right behind you. Don’t worry.”

TALIESIN: Hold you up so you don’t fall.

MATT: Grog, you’re up.

MARISHA: I’m not feeling very confident right now.

TRAVIS: You look like you’re up to something, do you have a plan?

MARISHA: I’m trying to Stone Shape a corridor through this, but I don’t know if it’s going to be enough to get through the thickness.

TRAVIS: Right, as a backup plan… How big is J'Mon Sa Ord? Like a big dragon or just like eh?

MATT: About the same size as Raishan.

TRAVIS: So, we couldn’t like all Falcor on J'Mon up to the spider network of tunnels in the ceiling, right? Like we couldn’t ride him.

MATT: Raishan and J'Mon have a very similar physicality. Like their bodies can, much like a cat can get really thin, just enough to fit through the tunnels, maybe, but not with any riders. You guys would probably be squeezed off or crushed in the process.

TRAVIS: Could she get us up there and then follow us up through the tunnels if we–

TALIESIN: We don’t know where they go.

TRAVIS: It’s better than this place. They’re exhaust tunnels.

TALIESIN: That’s fair, although I will say, before we leave, we should probably make sure all those eggs are down before we leave anyway.

TRAVIS: That’s my idea. And then, I’m gonna end my turn.

LAURA: Are you gonna run and hit an egg?

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah!

LAURA: There’s an egg left over there.

TALIESIN: Hit an egg.

TRAVIS: Shamone! Yeah, I’ll just run towards egg. Ooh! I’m gonna use all three of my attacks on that egg.

MATT: Go for it. Go for it.

MARISHA: Egg doesn’t know what’s coming.

TRAVIS: That’s a– that’s a 33.

MATT: That’ll hit.

TRAVIS: Oh, minus five. Okay. That’s a 31, no, 39.

MATT: Okay, so the first strike just cleaves through the egg entirely.

TRAVIS: Oh.

MATT: I know. You impact at the point of the bullet that Percy left earlier, which kind of left that spider web crack in the front and that just causes the entire thing to buckle under the sheer force of your axe as it swings. The egg gets cut in half, tumbles over, splattering primordial dragon whelp gore and you can see the remnants inside of what is now a two-parter primordial dragon whelp.

LAURA: Did it look like Thordak?

TRAVIS: Did any dragon parts spill out of the egg?

MATT: Yeah, as it flew off and kind–

TRAVIS: Could I grab a piece of it, take a step back and try and like throw it towards the wall to see if it bounces off as well? Just in case it’s like a, you know, lair barcode?

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: Hey, we got through!

MARISHA: They got the key card.

TALIESIN: Multi-pass.

MATT: As you pull it up, and this creature is, nearly identical to the one that you pulled out earlier. It’s still deep red crimson, but like fully, fully primordial in its visual. You take back a chunk of it and you throw it at the wall and it just passes through.

(gasps)

SAM: What just happened?

MARISHA: Shut up!

LAURA: You were right!

SAM: What did he just do?

TALIESIN: You solved it!

SAM: How, what did he do?

LIAM: Destroying the last egg.

SAM: Fucking guy!

LAURA: Or by–

MARISHA: Or by– it’s like he said. We cover ourselves in dragon goo and then we can walk through.

TALIESIN: One of the two.

TRAVIS: Residual goo in my hand, I just like rub it all on my face.

MATT: It smells terrible.

TALIESIN: You can hop in the egg. It’s basically a hot tub.

MARISHA: We didn’t destroy all the eggs, right?

MATT: Currently, you destroyed three of them and two were lightning baked and taken off by Raishan.

SAM: My voice is my passport.

MARISHA: So, do it. It’s hard to say.

TALIESIN: I love that movie.

LAURA: Maybe we should hold onto a piece and try to pass through it.

TALIESIN: Hello.

MATT: Well, that finishes Grog’s turn. Vex?

LAURA: That’s me. I used a level– did I use a level four spell already? Shit.

MATT: I’m pretty sure you guys went down guns blazing.

TALIESIN: Somewhere in the world, there’s a whole chatroom of people yelling at you telling you–

LAURA: Oh, that’s right, I did. I did use it cause I was–

MARISHA: Yeah, I was gonna say, “somewhere”?

LAURA: So I have a level three left. Who needs healing? Me and Pike and everybody.

TALIESIN: There’s always– everybody needs healing.

MARISHA: Me.

LAURA: You do.

SAM: I got single dig going on.

LAURA: So do I, I got five.

TRAVIS: Single dig.

LAURA: I got five points, how many you got?

SAM: I got eight or nine, I can’t remember my math. It’s pretty bad. Wait, if I had one, plus eight would be nine.

LAURA: So you have nine points. I’m gonna take a healing potion. I mean, I’m gonna cast Cure Wounds on myself.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Oh, yeah, you do your thing.

MATT: 3d8 plus whatever your modifier is, go for it.

TALIESIN: It’s all good.

MARISHA: Kind of.

TALIESIN: No, it’s not, I know, but like, it’s looking better.

MARISHA: Well, we’re not all dead. We just can’t die anymore.

TALIESIN: And worst case scenario, we’re stuck in here for another round.

LAURA: So, 20 points.

MATT: Twenty points, okay.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: And you didn’t even burn a spell yet.

LAURA: Can I run over and get some dragon guts on my hand and then to try to put my hand through the thingy?

MATT: With your speed and getting up, cause you were prone.

LAURA: Please let me out of this spot.

MATT: That close right there. You can’t quite get to the dragon guts. That’s as far as you can get.

TALIESIN: It may just be that it’s down now, but it may be the dragon guts.

MATT: Alright, so that ends Vex’s turn, Vax. Whatcha doing?

LIAM: I’m just gonna move towards the gate. Put my hand out and see if I can go through or if I get stopped.

MATT: You walk right through.

TALIESIN: Alright!

LAURA: Oh!

MARISHA: It’s the eggs, it was the eggs.

LIAM: Alright, everybody! Quietly.

MARISHA: Hang on, hang on. I’m feeling very guilty because it was my rage and anger and want for vengeance which made me run in here blindly towards her, maybe we shouldn’t do it again is all I’m saying.

TALIESIN: No, too late. Got to finish this off.

MARISHA: Okay.

LAURA: Does your guilt have a Mass Cure Wounds? In that case, doesn’t matter.

MATT: “Forward, now!” And all of you just start…

MARISHA: Avengers Run down the hall.

MATT: Like crawling over all of you.

TALIESIN: Avengers, it’s clobbering time.

SAM: I–I grab Kima and I say, “Get ready to hit a dragon,” and I’m gonna Dimension Door me and Kima to Thordak’s body.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Oh, geez.

MATT: Kima goes, “Wait, what?” As soon as you grab the shoulder and you both suddenly vanish and reappear at Thordak’s body. You both land with a flash of arcane light. As your feet hit the ground, it is an empty tunnel. So, no Raishan. There is no Thordak corpse.

LAURA: Fuck.

SAM: There’s no Thordak’s corpse?

MARISHA: There’s no Thordak’s corpse?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Fuck! Fuck.

LIAM: She just wanted to talk to it.

TALIESIN: She may have taken him somewhere.

TRAVIS: Talk to it, my ass. She didn’t want to talk to it.

MARISHA: Or she raised him. Jesus.

LIAM: One last roll in the hay.

MATT: As you guys approach, Gilmore steps up and goes, “I think I have a pretty good idea what that flash we saw was.”

MARISHA: What?

TALIESIN: Teleport.

MATT: “Getting the hell out of here. Son of a bitch!” He takes a rock and throws it. Hair’s kind of tussled.

MARISHA: Vex, can you sense dragons anywhere nearby?

LAURA: Can I sense anyone but J'Mon Sa Ord as far as dragons go nearby? I drop down to my knees and concentrate.

MATT: No.

LAURA: Nothing! Nothing. She’s nowhere. Fuck.

MATT: And that’s where we’ll end tonight’s episode. (all groaning) We have a flight early in the morning.

TRAVIS: Oh!

LAURA: I can’t believe that we all came back.

TALIESIN: I can’t believe we all lived.

MATT: I can’t believe you all lived.

TALIESIN: That should not have happened.

MARISHA: That was really scary.

LAURA: It was just giant clusterfuck from like halfway through with just everybody falling down and trying to get back up.

MATT: Well, if– If you had fallen into the lava, by the way, if you had rolled poorly, you would have been submerged in lava, which was…

LAURA: Unconscious.

MATT: Well, that– that’s 18d10 points of damage. If that had exceeded your max hit points, you would have been instantly dead and turned to ash.

LIAM: Been nice if I’d cut out her tongue.

LAURA: So, gone, gone-gone.

MATT: Yeah. There were a few close calls there.

TRAVIS: She was like three. I think there were like nine.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: And then if you hadn’t counter spelled the color…

MATT: Oh, yeah, the Prismatic Spray. That would have been real bad.

SAM: Who was she shooting against?

TALIESIN: Everybody.

MARISHA: It’s a spray.

MATT: It’s a cone that big.

TALIESIN: So it would have been almost everybody.

MATT: Just so you guys know, cause it’s a fun spell to kind of talk about.

TALIESIN: It is.

MATT: And each of you would have been hit with a different colored ray. I would have rolled a d8 to see what color had hit you. On a one, you take 10d6 fire damage. On a failed save, half. An orange, take 10d6 acid damage, save for half. Yellow: 10d6 lightning damage. So, just randomly all of you guys basically just take 10d6 of something. Green: you take 10d6 poison damage, half save. Five, 10d6 cold damage. Six, on a failed save, you’re restrained and you have to keep making saves or you turn to stone. Seven, you’re blinded and you have to keep saving. A successful save ends it, if you fail the next save, you will be transported to another plane.

LAURA: What?!

SAM: There’s one where you get to do two things.

MATT: On an eight, on an eight, I roll again for two rays against that person.

LAURA: Oh my God!

TRAVIS: For two rays?

SAM: What if you keep rolling eights?

MATT: Keep rolling eights, you’re gonna be fucked. It’s a fun one. I like that spell.

LAURA: Wait, what is a 10? Is 10 insta-death, what is 10?

MATT: It’s one d8, so ten would be instant death, it would be. If I roll a 10 on a d8, sure. You are so done.

TALIESIN: The other plane of dimension is like literally the Beetlejuice, like send you to the sandworms. You’re just–

MATT: Oops.

TALIESIN: And that’s– you’re out of the fight until they can go find you if anyone’s left. After everyone else has taken 10d– suck.

MATT: So, guys, we’ll pick this up again next week on Thursday. Find out where Raishan is.

TRAVIS: Maybe.

MATT: With two eggs and the corpse of Thordak, The Cinder King.

LAURA: Well, hopefully, oh my God.

TALIESIN: Red eggs and ham?

TRAVIS: Yeah, she just escaped with two Iphone 7’s.

MATT: You start with a disadvantage.

TALIESIN: I just want the internet to do a Dr. Seuss red eggs and– I just want her with like a little red steak and two little red– That’s all I want.

MATT: Alright, guys. You guys, we’ll see you at MAGFest this weekend. We’ll see you there shortly.

SAM: Remember, bring your magazines and have Matt and Marisha sign any magazine.

TALIESIN: Highlights.

MARISHA: Yeah, all magazines. We will sign them.

LIAM: I mean, you’re gonna say, you don’t know, but if J'Mon had not nurked those three attacks that round, might she have gone down?

MATT: She came pretty close.

LAURA: Oh, yeah, if J'Mon had not gotten three, two, one.

MATT: Three, two and a one.

MARISHA: That sucked.

MATT: That really sucked.

MARISHA: I was about to lay some serious damage when she ran away. I was gonna bust out a seventh level blight and then she ran.

MATT: I wasn’t getting– cause that the fire breath is nasty.

MARISHA: Yeah, and he didn’t fucking recharge it.

TRAVIS: If your highness wasn’t smart enough to break another egg…

LAURA: I got to attack one time that round. Every other round was just trying not to die.

LIAM: He should have stretched before the fight.

MATT: But anyway.

MARISHA: Happy New Year.

MATT: Happy New Year! Well done, guys, you survived.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Yay.

MATT: Mostly. Thank you so much for our sponsor tonight, nobody. 2017. You guys are our sponsors. Well, every week you are. So thank you for all your wonderful support. Happy New Year, welcome to the chaos of 2017. We’re there alongside you for it. We’ll see you guys soon and… Is it Thursday yet? Have a good night.

♪