Transcript:Omens

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello, everyone and welcome to ta-te-ple-plah. It’s already off to a good start, huh?

TRAVIS: (laughs) Yes.

MARISHA: Beautiful.

TALIESIN: Live streaming.

MATT: Welcome to this evening’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

TRAVIS: And make fun of our DM.

MATT: Exactly. Live internet, it’s a wonderful thing. This is why you don’t drink before a game. All right, so, first and foremost, thank you. Welcome. We’re jumping in here shortly from a bit of a climatic endpoint last week, but before we get into that, we’re going to go ahead and try and cruise through these pre-show announcements. So, first and foremost, I want to let you guys know that the short video series I’m doing for Geek and Sundry, that’s GM and DM Tips, launched last week on Friday, and a few videos will be coming out every Friday for the next couple months or so, so every Friday go check that out on GeekandSundry.com to see what other bit of rambling I’m doing and hoping to try and help some of you make your game a little more interesting. So tomorrow I guess is the next one. I’m not quite sure what topic it’s on, but it should be fun. So check that out. As a reminder, most of us are going to be present at Wizard World Portland next month. We’ll be there Saturday and Sunday for the con, and we’ll have a panel both days. I think Saturday is the Critical Role panel, and Sunday is going to be more of a voiceover-related one, so hope to see you guys there. Bring your stuff if you want to have it signed and come get ready to ask questions and hang out, basically.

LAURA: And par-ty!

TRAVIS: And also find us during the days in the general hall area, we’ll be around quite a bit.

MATT: Yeah, we’ll be around. So, if you would like to see us possibly come to a Wizard World near you in the future, go ahead and send a tweet to Wizard World’s Twitter, and let them know how excited you’d be to see us at more events in the future, because that would make them more inclined to want to bring us to more events! Let’s see– Also as a reminder, me and Marisha will be at Colorado Anime Fest, February 12th through the 14th in Denver, Colorado.

MARISHA: Valentine’s Day Weekend.

MATT: Yep, so we’ll be out there, hanging with you folks in Colorado. You should come say hello, we’d love to see you. Also, a reminder, the Dungeon Masters Guild, awesome new opportunity for content creators for Dungeons and Dragons. You know, create your own classes, your own rules, your own feats, your own stuff. There’s a great place to put it up there, and you can set your price for it. You can check out my most updated version of the Blood Hunter and recently updated Gunslinger, which is now version 1.1, just went up yesterday, so if you have one of those you can update that and get the newest set. A couple minor changes and tweaks.

TRAVIS: And it’s super cool.

TALIESIN: Anything I need to know about?

MATT: Nothing you have to worry about yet. It was mainly the level 15 ability piercing shot and a couple of clarifications that I know. You’ll be fine.

MARISHA: It’s for you to find out, all right.

TALIESIN: That’s his subtle way of saying I’m not going to make level 15.

MATT: Could be. Ouch. We shall see. All right, Wyrmwood Gaming, awesome friend of the show. They still have their ‘critrole’ discount code, you get free shipping if you go ahead and order something from their site, really awesome-

LIAM: ‘critrole’. The code is 'critrole’.

MATT: Just one delightful word. Pretty wood. That’s a cool arrangement, I like that.

MARISHA: Thanks. I designed it like this.

TALIESIN: You’re so creative.

MATT: Oh, and Liam, if you want to check your Twitter, there’s a cool little present I think waiting for you now from one of our fan artists. You know her as Mikandii, is her Twitter. She has a cool little thing for you.

LIAM: Yes I will, I am very excited

LAURA: Is it you and Gilmore making out?

LIAM: That’s emblazoned on the inside of my mind. Wow!

LAURA: What is it? What is it?

LIAM: Wow. Oh, nothing.

LAURA: No, I want to see it!

LAURA: Wow! That’s amazing!

MATT: I haven’t seen it yet, so I’m excited.

LIAM: Wow. It’s beautiful. Thank you.

LAURA: Oh my god, he looks so dreamy.

MATT: So, go to @VoiceofOBrien to see what apparently he is looking at, that I have no idea what it is. Hopefully it’s not just a giant dick.

LIAM: That’s included.

MARISHA: It’s subversive. It’s what you see in the art.

MATT: Yeah, yeah. It’s your interpretation.

MATT: Now I’m excited for that.

MARISHA: Oh, I want to see the two side-by-side. Yes, there’s a Kickstarter up right now called Lost Hope: the Series, that I’m a part of. It’s like Battlestar Galactica meets Archer and, yeah. I voice a character named Simmons in there. It’s fun. Go check it out.

LIAM: That’s a good pitch.

MATT: There you go. And the Mythica 4 Kickstarter is up right now, as well. They’re already rocketing toward their goal, which is awesome, and you get to see me as an evil necromancer casting magic spells at good people. And actually at Kevin Sorbo, second film in a row I get to cast magic at him, pretty excited about that. So check that out. Did you have something you wanted to announce?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Matt and I are both in Warner Bros. Home Entertainment’s Batman: Bad Blood! Which is out right now on Digital Download on iTunes. It’s solid rock. Can’t move.

LAURA: Solid rock.

TRAVIS: Yeah. I play the Heretic. Matt plays a million other people. It’s really cool, check it out. We fight Batman.

MATT: Yeah! I get electrocuted.

TRAVIS: I sing Taylor Swift songs and all that.

MATT: I jump around and punch things, it’s fun. Oh, and last but not least announcement, next Monday on Ivan’s wonderful RPG show No Survivors, me, Laura, Felicia, Wil, a bunch of people, I haven’t looked at the full list yet, are all going to be guesting on that as players for a round of one of my favorite RPGs, Paranoia.

LAURA: Which I haven’t ever played. But Ivan was telling me about it and it sounds like so much fun.

MATT: Yeah, it’s one of my favorite RPG systems ever. So next Monday, go check out No Survivors. We’re all going to be playing Paranoia and making ridiculous choices and probably dying in horrible, wonderful ways, so, we’ll be there for that. Hi, Sam. Glad you could join us, buddy.

SAM: (whispering) Thanks.

MATT: Sam Riegel, ladies and gentlemen.

LIAM: Hi, Sam.

MARISHA: I like this sweater, is this new?

SAM: Thanks. Yeah.

LAURA: It’s so hot in here, though.

SAM: Oh no, I’ll take it off.

TRAVIS: You and me, we got problems now.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Oh god!

TRAVIS: I’d like to Great Weapon Master right now. Where’s Scanlan on the map?

MATT: He’s right over here. You can work towards over there shortly.

LIAM: All this time you’ve been trying to kick my teeth in and your real enemy is right over here.

TRAVIS: True colors, (singing) shining through!

(laughter)

MATT: All right! Good, it’s getting you in character, perfect. So now we’ve finished all the announcements I believe, if anyone has anything else we’re going to go ahead and get into tonight’s episode of Critical Role.

Part I
MATT: So, where we left off, our intrepid adventurers, Vox Machina, having returned the traitor Riskel Daxio to Sovereign Uriel in the center of the town of Emon, Grog beheading him as part of his punishment for being such a traitorous worshiper of the evil entity known as Vecna. Upon going out for a pub crawl, came across Gilmore in a secret speakeasy, managed to enjoy a Heroes’ Feast at his expense, whereas Vex and Vax both, all of you, got pretty– Keyleth got very– drunk.

LAURA: I didn’t get drunk at all.

MATT: That’s right, you didn’t drink.

MARISHA: I got pretty wasted.

MATT: Gilmore had a very intense conversation with Vax over there to ensure where they stood, and Keyleth vomited multiple times. But after which the party found their way back to the Keep, where Dr. Dranzel and his Spectacular Traveling Troupe were drinking and expecting you to be there, in which they could converse and try and convince you of a little caper they’ve been trying to get their head around for a while, and you seem to have the entry to this possible windfall of money. Scanlan, after courting this young, pixie-haired gnome–

SAM: I sort of knew in the back of my head, right? No, I was courting her. No, it’s true.

(laughter)

MATT: Was instead confronted in his bedroom by Kaylie, who revealed herself to be Scanlan’s long-unknown daughter from many years ago, who had trained very hard as a bard at the College of the White Duke, in Westruun, and honed her skills with a blade with the intent of finding you one day and disgracing you. Thanks to Scanlan’s sudden realization, change of heart, and attempt to connect with his lost blood, broke a bit of that cold honed exterior, and managed to prevent a very dangerous and possibly deadly encounter. She left frustrated and confused, and hasn’t been seen since. The rest of you, gathering the next morning, discussed this endeavor with Dr. Dranzel and how they had found a home that had been long abandoned after being purchased by a collector. A home that you guys had ransacked a little over a year before after finding a portal within that led to a dragon’s hoard, as the previous person who lived there, General Krieg, was actually a dragon who had infiltrated the Council.

LAURA: A really hot dragon. I remember thinking he was really cute. I had a thing for General Krieg. I was really sad when it turned out he was–

MATT: I’m sorry it worked out that way.

LIAM: That dragon had a lot of bling, too, if I remember.

MATT: Yeah, that was Grog’s famous rage looting. General Krieg, Bonescythe– Brimscythe, sorry. They’re close. Brimscythe the Dragon was slaughtered in this endeavor, however it’s been over a year since. You guys returned to this house, scoured it, found your way through the still existing secret passage that led you to the now partially collapsed cavern, which once housed Brimscythe and his hoard. You found that the tunnel itself, freezing cold, the rubble of the partially collapsed cavern had been ravaged by some sort of large clawed entity that Vex had identified as another equally dangerous dragon that seems to have rummaged through and found the corpse of Brimscythe. You also found that a number of gold coins, a bit of his hoard that had been buried in this, were now exposed by these strange, smooth tunnels that were carved into the rock. Upon you, Scanlan, and Trinket inquiring there, the rest of the party scattered. Pike and Keyleth went to find what seemed to be the owner of the house, now frozen in fright in a far alcove. And the three, the rest of your group, traveling towards the mouth of the cavern itself, before the ground begins to rumble. Suddenly, exploding from the rock and shale of the bottom of the cavern floor, you guys managed to see before you, piercing forth from the ground itself, a very, very large, segmented, armored, worm-like entity.

SAM: Armored?

MATT: The actual hide itself is like very, very thick.

LAURA: Super thick? Ugh!

SAM: Like with armor?

MATT: Not with armor, just this natural sense.

LAURA: When we kill it, we can make armor out of him.

LIAM: And it was pale and icy, too, I think you were describing?

MATT: It was darkish purple in its color and tint, like dark blacks, purple, with rows and rows of teeth coming out of its eyeless face. As it bursts out of the surface, I need you all to roll initiative.

LAURA: No!

SAM: Oh my god, right away, right away. We’re just in it. Just like that.

TRAVIS: Fuck yeah!

MATT: All right, so. 25 to 20?

TRAVIS: 20, to kill Scanlan.

(laughter)

MATT: 20 to 15?

MARISHA: 19.

SAM: That’s it?

LIAM: 15.

MATT: 15 to ten?

TALIESIN: Ten.

SAM: 11.

MATT: All right, then comes ten to five?

LAURA: Nine.

MATT: And Pike, while, as she’s not here, rolled the lowest. Ashley, unfortunately, due to scheduling, could not be here this evening. So far, we’re hoping she might show up at some point tonight, we’ll find out. But, in the meantime, I’m going to be running Pike on my end. So, starting the encounter, as you see this giant worm creature through the tunnel, the three of you now walking the other direction, you, feeling the rumble, turn around, holding forth your greatsword unsheathed, you can feel the power pulsing with each beat of your blood through your body, as a little voice in the back of your head, stemming from your weapon, goes, “Kill.” You’re up, Grog.

TRAVIS: Well, I hope you’re hungry. But you have to wait one second, we’re a bit far away. Can I travel as far as I can towards?

MATT: Speed of 50, I believe?

TRAVIS: 50.

LAURA: Oh, I said I hid at the end of the episode. I said I hid.

MATT: Right, roll stealth.

TRAVIS: Do I have a line of sight with him, or is the edge of that outcropping blocking it?

MATT: He would have half cover if you were to try and like, throw your weapon at him. It’d be a plus five to his armor class.

MARISHA: Pike and I are hiding, too.

MATT: Okay, stealth check for both of you.

TRAVIS: Could I back up three squares, so that I could move to my left so I could get a straight look at him?

MATT: There, you mean?

TRAVIS: Can I go one more?

MATT: That’s the extent of your movement right there, unfortunately. Unless you want to go at this angle, there. There you go.

TRAVIS: Can I use the Javelin of Lightning?

SAM: What the fuck is that? That’s a thing you made up.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah, I’ve got it. I utter the magic word “Penelope” and I throw it and each creature in the line, excluding me and the target, must make a DC 13 dexterity saving throw.

MATT: Okay, there are no creatures in the line, just the target.

TRAVIS: Just the target then.

LIAM: Did you get that in Yug'Voril?

TRAVIS: Huh?

LIAM: Yug'Voril. Is it from Yug'Voril?

TRAVIS: I don’t remember, it’s just in the bag.

LIAM: In Yug'Voril, at the bottom of that pit, when he headbutted the giant.

MATT: Yup, that was in the rubble.

LIAM: Yeah! Ding!

MATT: Good memory!

TRAVIS: Can I try and throw it?

MATT: You may, go for it.

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: 18 total? 18 just hits. So, go ahead and roll damage for the javelin. As you rear back, aim it with your eyes, and the frustration is palpable from Craven Edge as you put it aside to throw the javelin instead as it arcs into a bolt of energy that streaks forth, slams into the hide of the giant purple worm. Go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: 19.

MATT: 19. All righty. Great. It rears in place, shakes itself for a second. It has no eyes, so it’s not looking in any different direction, it just seems to be flailing in its current location.

TRAVIS: Can I go into a rage?

MATT: Yes you may.

TRAVIS: I would like to rage.

MATT: All right. (laughs)

LAURA: Are you rolling your special dice?

MATT: As you bite your lower lip, you feel and taste the blood begin to enter your mouth, and at that point the heat in the back of your shoulders and neck begins to swell up. Grog’s into a rage. That ends your turn. Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: Can I do, like, a nature check on this thing to see if I can discern any type of information on it?

MATT: Sure. Go ahead and make an intelligence check.

MARISHA: Just straight intelligence? That’s not good. I think that is a five? Six! Six!

MATT: Six. You have no recollection of this type of an entity in your travels. It’s definitely not natural, it’s not of nature, and you’ve seen various types of eyeless worm-type creatures, but nowhere near on this scale. So, yeah. You have no idea beyond that.

MARISHA: I’m just going to whisper to Pike, and be like: It doesn’t have any eyes! I feel like we shouldn’t move!

MATT: She goes, “Okay!” And she gets as still as she possibly can. “It’s good! Moving’s not my forte.”

MARISHA: Okay! I, like, hold her shoulder pads so she doesn’t clink any.

MATT: “Okay!”

MARISHA: Okay! I’m going to stay right here!

MATT: All right. So that ends your turn. Vax, you’re up. Unless you want to do something else on your turn, is that it?

MARISHA: I’m just, I’m just going to, I don’t want to move. I’m just going to wait.

SAM: (mocking) I don’t want to, I don’t want to move!

MARISHA: I don’t want to move!

LIAM: Click the Boots of Haste, and I want to go stealth, and scoot to that column past Grog, but closer to the worm. Not that one, the next one. Yeah. I think I can make it there.

MATT: All right. You can get there.

LIAM: Do I need to roll stealth?

MATT: You can roll stealth, yeah.

LIAM: I want to throw a dagger at it. Yeah. That is 28.

MATT: All right. That definitely hits. However, it is not sneak attack damage. You are hiding definitely behind the pillar, but your footsteps. And you get the essence as soon as you see the creature, its head follows you across the room, you get the sense immediately that it is not a sight-based creature, it is definitely a movement-based creature, and its head just follows you as you move.

LIAM: I’ll defer, but let me ask, going stealth and rolling a 28 on stealth, the footsteps were still enough to alert it to where I was?

MATT: Is it a natural 20?

LIAM: I didn’t attack yet. No, it was a combined 28, just to go stealth.

MATT: A combined 28. Right, even so, not quite light enough. Not with the knowledge that it was an issue with this entity, and due to the proximity of it, and it being a very sensitive creature to the rock’s movement, it still picks you up.

LIAM: And I should have one attack. I should have an attack, right? Because I did the boots, I ran over here–

MATT: Yep, so you have an attack.

LIAM: Two.

MATT: Well, two attacks, you have offhand, so yeah.

LIAM: Two, yeah. Two, because it was double the speed because of the boots. All right. First one is shit. That is 14. And the second one is– I’m going to do Luck on that. The second one is 20.

MATT: The second one hits. The first one unfortunately just bounces off of its hide.

LIAM: That’s not a lot. But it is seven points of damage.

MATT: Seven points of damage, got it.

LIAM: First blood. First blood, everyone.

SAM: It’s looking pretty beat up.

MATT: All right. At this point in time, the dagger embeds itself in. You see the hilt sinks into the hide and then vanishes in a puff of smoke as it returns to your belt, however you can see a little bit of black liquid pouring forth from it, and its head has been trained on you since you moved across the room. The worm now disappears beneath the ground.

TALIESIN: Not cool.

MATT: And you feel the ground beneath you begin to shake, as it bursts out of the ground. That’s a 20 to hit.

LIAM: 20? Can I use Evasion or no?

MATT: To reduce the damage in half if you want. Huh? What’s your AC?

LIAM: Oh, with the boots on, 18.

MATT: It rolled a 20.

LIAM: Yeah, I know. So tell me what happens.

MATT: So, as you look around you all of a sudden the jaws start coming up out of the ground behind you, the teeth biting into your body as you try and wrest yourself away from its grip. You take 20 points of piercing damage.

LIAM: Oh, well, Uncanny Dodge. Right? Evasion is for spell effects–

MATT: Right, Evasion does not help you in this circumstance, Uncanny Dodge allows you to reduce the damage by half. So yes, you can do that. So you take ten damage instead. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

LIAM: That’s okay. All right, so. Okay. Natural 20!

MATT: As the jaws attempt to clamp around you, you manage to just pull yourself away, tearing your knees across the teeth, but rolling in the opposite direction, right in the place where you were as it bursts out of the ground just beside you and rights itself around in that direction. As its full body emerges now, you can see its tail flop out of the tunnel it just made with this giant hooked stinger on the end as it whips off in your direction. That is going to be a 15 to hit.

TRAVIS: That’ll miss.

MATT: That misses you. As the stinger swings towards you, you manage to just duck out of the way, your eyes trained on it in an absolute red fury, and it just whiffs past your face.

SAM: Could’ve been bad, could’ve been bad.

MATT: That ends its turn. Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Who’s in front of me?

MATT: Right now you’re next to Trinket and Vex is behind you.

LAURA: (laughing) Don’t be a dick!

SAM: I’m not going to be a dick. I brush past Trinket so I can see the worm.

MATT: Okay, about there, you can see it from that perspective.

SAM: Okay I hold up my cone, my Hand Cone of Clarity, and I will cast Eyebite. Singing to it (singing) Scanlan’s eyes are biting you. Making you very sick. Ooh, Scanlan’s eyes are biting you. Scanlan’s eyes! All right, so the Eyebite refers to my eyes. He doesn’t need eyes. He doesn’t need to be able to see me, I have to be able to see him, right? It works. Okay, so I’m going to do Sicken.

MATT: To sicken it? All right. All right, it rolls, this is a wisdom saving throw? It rolls an eight. So yeah, it does not succeed on that. Eyebite takes hold. Get this little marker on there, on its neck, like a little– There we go. So as your spell completes on it, you can see its form contracts for a second and its head hangs a little less strong as it did previously. It almost goes slack for a moment from the impact of the spell affecting its physical form. All right, so it has disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks, for as long as it lasts. All right, so that’s your movement, that’s your action, any bonus actions?

SAM: I will inspire Vex. With a limerick.

LAURA: I can’t wait.

SAM: I once knew a bear named Trinket, and would often tell you he stink-et, but you were appalled, so you kicked me in the balls, and now I don’t say it, I just think it.

(laughter)

LAURA: That was wonderful!

MATT: A d10 inspiration die to you, Vex.

LAURA: Yay!

LIAM: Plus or minus?

MATT: (laughs) We’ll see.

MARISHA: Am I able to take a bonus action to like shout something out over comms?

MATT: I’ll allow it, since you held your turn this turn anyways, yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah? Everyone should try and get a little bit so I can see you. And I can make us all fly.

LAURA: (shouting) What? You can make us fly?

MARISHA: I learned it today. But you have to be within 30 feet of me.

LAURA: Oh, really, but I’m so far away from you.

MARISHA: You know, imagine I said it more succinctly than this.

MATT: (laughs) That’s as much as you can get out. Percy, you’re up.

TALIESIN: All right, I’m going to head in the direction of the message I just received. So I’m going to crawl around the bottom there.

LAURA: Ugh, I’m not going to be able to get to her.

MATT: That’s as far as you can get.

TALIESIN: That’s as far as I can get, that’s fine. I’m going to take a couple shots, with the big gun. I’m going to Bad News this. So, let’s take a shot at that guy. Yeah, that’s reasonable range. Yeah, okay. Not too close. That’s not bad, 21.

MATT: 21 hits.

TALIESIN: 28 points of damage.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Quick reload, going to get one more shot off and I’m going to take this one with the sharpshooter effect just to see how things go.

MATT: Sure. The sharpshooter effect, you mean the deadeye?

TALIESIN: Yep. Yeah, the deadeye. The negative five to hit.

MATT: Oh, got you, got you, all right.

TALIESIN: 14.

MATT: 14 does not hit, unfortunately. As you load the second round, you pull Bad News in front of you and you go to fire, the ground actually shakes beneath you. There’s a quaking. Not sure if it’s from the creature or just the atmosphere around you, but as you do the gun just misfires and, well, it actually doesn’t misfire, but it fires off into one of the side elements of the cave and you hear it ricochet off the rock.

TALIESIN: That’s what I got.

MATT: All right, that’s 28 damage, 28 damage is not bad.

All right, Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Okay. Will you be able to move forward?

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay. I’m going to send Trinket up to that little alcove. Keep running, no, a little further– a little further.

MATT: That’s– what’s Trinket’s movement? Is it 40? So he can go there.

LAURA: That’s as close as he can get to you.

MATT: Six, actually seven, eight. So that’d be the full movement.

LAURA: Okay. Get him tucked into that little side.

MATT: Trinket is now stepping onto a bit of slick of ice and is like (unbalanced bear noises) but seems to be okay at the moment.

LAURA: Okay. And then I move forward so I can see him. Right there. All right. And I’m going to Hunter’s Mark him! And then I’m going to shoot my Longbow of the Sky Sentinel at him. So that, I’m going to shoot an arrow and it divides into three arrows and they all turn into storm arrows. So I roll an attack for each one of those for my first attack.

MATT: Correct. Yep. Yep. As you release the arrow from the actual tension of the bow, as soon as it leaves your fingers it almost burns the tips as it races into this arrow of pure energy. As it divides in the middle of the air, you can see each arrow sparking off bits of electrical power on its–

LAURA: Okay, so the first one is a 26.

MATT: Hits.

LAURA: Should I roll damage for that one?

MATT: Roll to see how many hit.

LAURA: The second one is a 29.

MATT: Hits.

LAURA: The third one is a 20.

MATT: 20 hits. Yeah, all three hit.

LIAM: This is all happening in less than six seconds.

LAURA: 17– 20. 23 for the first arrow.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Nine, ten, 11, 13. 17 for the second one. And then 14, 15, 16…

SAM: I feel bad for this thing.

LAURA: 22. 20, what is that? 27 for the third.

MATT: Oof, all right. As each arrow slams into its side, you can see portions of its large chitinous, almost like armored shell crack and break open. And you can see now these streams of black worm blood are spilling down its side. And it starts shaking in place now in pain.

LAURA: Okay. I’m going to shoot through my Blazing Bowstring for my second attack.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Second attack?

LAURA: Yeah, that was just one.

MATT: Yeah, she gets that once a day.

LAURA: 25.

MATT: 25 hits.

TRAVIS: You have more dice than that dice store.

LAURA: I know, it’s ridiculous. 16– 16– 19, and then an additional d10. So 19 of fire damage. So 25 for the third.

MATT: 25. Oof. That is a nasty round. Well done.

LAURA: For the fourth arrow.

MATT: As this fourth arrow slams into its side there’s a burst of fire from the impact and you can see it now. It’s starting to shriek this horrible high-pitched multi-toned scream. All right, that ends your turn.

LAURA: And I rolled a 15 for stealth, not that it probably matters anymore.

MATT: Nah, no, it doesn’t really. All right.

LAURA: And then I stay very, very still.

MATT: Cool, so does Pike. Pike’s going to follow in Keyleth’s order and spend the round just keeping in place, very quietly. All right, top of the round again. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: Oh, are we flying?

ALL: No.

TRAVIS: Fuck it! I take Craven Edge out. I hope you’re hungry. And I would like to go into a frenzied rage.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: And I would like to attack, the first two times, at the big purple dick that just came out of the ground.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Hey, move down a bit so you’re not in my way.

TRAVIS: Which way?

MATT: Grog’s just charging in.

TRAVIS: That’s a 23?

MATT: 23 hits.

TRAVIS: 20?

MATT: 20 hits.

TRAVIS: Wow. 26?

MATT: All three hit. These are non-Great Weapon Master, right?

TRAVIS: The third one I wanted it to be, should I reroll since I didn’t specify?

MATT: Reroll because you didn’t say it, yeah.

TRAVIS: 17.

MATT: That misses, unfortunately. But the first two do hit. Yeah, you got to mention that before you make the attack.

TRAVIS: I do, I do. You’re right. 2d6. What do sixes look like? They’re squares.

LAURA: They’re squares.

(laughter)

SAM: Cubes, really.

TRAVIS: Jeez, three, eight, 16 for the first one.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: And 16 for the second one.

MATT: All righty. What’s the DC on the sword effect, again? Is it 12?

TRAVIS: Oh! Yep.

MATT: All right. So it succeeds its first saving throw and it succeeds its second saving throw. But you do see with each strike the intent of the sword to draw some of the strength and life force from the target. Not really making any effect, unfortunately. All right! Ending your turn, Grog, that vibration you feel in the ground, now? It’s curious, because the worm itself is out of the ground, now. What caused you to lose your shot? You feel it grow stronger and stronger, before suddenly, nearby, a secondary, different-looking, but similar in size, worm comes bursting out of the base of the cavern.

LAURA: Matthew Mercer! You’re trying to kill us.

MATT: You can see now, as this bursts out, it’s similar in size, but different. This one has a thicker body, it’s a purple and white type exterior, and you can see frozen mist is just emanating from the outside of its open jaw.

LAURA: No, this is the one that pukes ice.

MARISHA: (laughs) Pukes ice?

LAURA: This is what made the dude frozen!

MATT: As this one rears back, opens its jaw, and a burst of cold air and ice shards comes spraying out of its mouth–

LAURA: Look at this cone you have.

MATT: Heading towards these– actually, it would get the other worm too.

LAURA: Yes! Yes! Freeze the other worm!

MATT: I need a constitution saving throw from Grog and Vax.

LIAM: I want to do an Evasion, that’s an area effect!

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah?

MATT: Make your constitution saving throw.

LIAM: All right. (laughs) Do I do the dex save first, or–?

MATT: It’s not a dex save. Constitution save.

LIAM: Oh, it’s not an area effect? All right. Whatever you say. Natural 20.

TRAVIS: 21.

MATT: 21. All right. Good.

TRAVIS: Saving throw, right? Constitution?

MATT: Constitution saving throw. So, read your ability real fast, does it affect only dex saves?

LIAM: Evasion on dex save– I’ve written an abbreviated version of this. It’s area of effect, if it’s like Fireball or anything that’s in an area.

MATT: Right, but I think it may specify whether or not–

LIAM: Oh, but you’re god, what do you want me to do?

MATT: I’m just looking it up right now, give me a second.

TRAVIS: Ooh! I have Danger Sense. I have advantage on dexterity saving throws.

MATT: This is not dexterity. This is constitution.

SAM: Oh, but you know what? I have really good dexterity.

MATT: Yep, dexterity saving throw. So this does not affect this attack. Sorry. All right, so you both take half damage, as does the creature.

TALIESIN: That’s a lot of rolling.

SAM: He’s only rolling a d2. He’s rolling a d2.

MATT: All right! That’s 40 points of damage, halved, that’s 20 points of cold damage to each of you, and the purple worm.

LIAM: Wait, 40 or 20?

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

LAURA: It does 40 points?!

LIAM: Can I do Uncanny– this is a new round, can I do Uncanny or not, yet?

MATT: It has not gotten back to your turn, so no.

LAURA: We’re going to die!

TRAVIS: No, we’re good! Shut up! We’re fine!

MATT: All right. Now! It’s Keyleth’s turn.

MARISHA: Here’s what I want to try and do. I want to try and hope to god I can get everyone in here.

LIAM: Shake that hangover off, Kiki.

MARISHA: I wanted to– oh wait, I’m trying to point the fucking– point the laser at the screen.

MATT: Yeah, don’t point at the screen. Point it at the actual map. That’s okay.

MARISHA: I want to try and go– five, ten, 15– can I go through Grog? Through there?

MATT: You can try to, yeah.

LAURA: You’re going to go past the worm, though!

MARISHA: Can I go there? Wait, wait, back closer to the– I want to be able to try and– can I see Scanlan and stuff, over there? MATT: You can see Scanlan, you can see pretty much everybody but Trinket from this perspective, and you can’t see Pike.

LAURA: Shit.

MARISHA: All right.

LAURA: Thought I was helping.

MARISHA: Everyone, I guess, who’s within 30 range of me, I’m going to do a wind blast, and we all turn into poofy cloud versions of ourselves.

MATT: Which one is this?

MARISHA: Wind Walk. Poofy Cloud. So as I run past Grog, I brush his shoulder, and he turns into a mist form, and I turn into a mist form, and then I blast it out, and everyone’s mist form!

MATT: All right, cool. So while in mist form, you guys have a flying speed of 300 feet, you have resistance to non-magical weapons, you can only dash.

MARISHA: Oh, you can’t attack?

MATT: No. You’ve got to read your spell. You can take a minute to revert your form, but as of right now, all of you guys currently, everyone within 30 feet.

SAM: I’m not within 30 feet.

MATT: You can see within range, so you can’t see Pike. You’ve got to read the spell. Does not affect Trinket because you can’t see Trinket. Doesn’t affect you guys. Scanlan is just out of range. So Vex and Scanlan, you’re unaffected. You watch half of the party turn into these gaseous forms.

SAM: Oh my god, the worms have turned us all into clouds!

LAURA: You’ve left us stranded. We’re going to die.

MARISHA: No, we’re still there.

MATT: It takes a minute to revert to your actual form to be able to do any sort of attack.

MARISHA: Man, that was going to be way cooler if we could still…

TALIESIN: I’m going to do something insane. I’ve got some plans.

MARISHA: It was a 6th-level spell.

MATT: I know.

SAM: It was so good.

MARISHA: Thanks, guys. I feel so validated.

LIAM: She just learned it yesterday!

MARISHA: I did just learn it yesterday.

MATT: Vax, it’s your turn.

LIAM: And I’m made of wind?

MATT: You’re made of wind. You can move. You can dash, or you can begin to revert, if you’d like.

LIAM: I can begin to revert? So it’s a minute-long process that I have to consciously decide, and I know this?

MATT: You get the feeling that if you want to return, it will take you a while because you don’t really know what to do with your form.

MARISHA: We could try and get the fuck out of here.

LIAM: I’m going to use disengage and I’m going to fart over towards my sister and Pike.

MATT: You cannot disengage. You can only dash in this form.

LIAM: Oh, then I’m going to dash towards my sister and Pike.

LAURA: Pike is on the other side. Me and Scanlan.

LIAM: Oh. Scanlan and Vex, sorry.

MATT: So you move over.

SAM: Not all short people look alike.

MATT: You dash over here. That guy’s going to take an attack of opportunity on you. He’s going to have disadvantage, technically, because you all of a sudden stopped moving and it just hears the sound. It rolled a three. No. It whips past you with its mouth biting at nothing.

LIAM: I want to land and then start thinking, god, I wish I was not made of farts, and start trying to undo whatever this is.

MATT: Okay. Ten rounds later, you will be a physical entity.

LAURA: Ten rounds?!

MATT: A minute.

LIAM: Dispel Magic, little man!

LAURA: Okay, can I see him? Can I shoot through him?

MATT: You can shoot through him. He’ll take half damage.

LIAM: I’m crouching!

MARISHA: We could use this to our advantage and get the fuck away, so I don’t feel like I just wasted a 6th-level spell. Just want to say.

LIAM: Fog of war, man.

MATT: Do you have Dispel Magic, Scanlan?

SAM: That would have been great.

(laughter)

MATT: Sorry.

MARISHA: I technically do, but fuck that.

LAURA: You can float up to the ceiling and then attack from high.

MARISHA: I did learn Dispel Magic, but–

SAM: Well, dispel your own shit.

MARISHA: No! Figure it out! Make it work for yourselves, assholes. That was a 6th-level spell, god damn it.

MATT: Did you make yourself mist, as well?

MARISHA: Yeah! It’s ten people!

MATT: You can’t cast a spell in mist form, either.

MARISHA: We’re all shit out of luck! How does that feel?

MATT: So who’s left, currently? That finishes Vax’s turn.

LIAM: Everyone who’s a cloud, we’re floating back to Emon. Let’s go.

TALIESIN: (singing) I can show you the world.

MARISHA: I thought we could still attack, which would be way dope.

MATT: That would be dope, but that would be way too powerful a spell for sixth level. This is more of a means of travel spell, or a means of escape spell.

LIAM: Let’s solve the problem

LAURA: But half of the party is still not able to escape.

MARISHA: If you don’t move, they’ll go away.

MATT: This creature, now, having been hit by the terrifying Eyebite spell, its insides churning and the impact from damage it’s taken, it’s looking like it had a harsh round last turn. As all of the movement suddenly (poof) vanishes and there’s no general movement, the last thing it recalls that was in its vicinity and still shifting with a heartbeat across the ground is you, Scanlan. (impact noise) It bursts out of the ground right in front of you. It brings its jaw down over the top, with disadvantage. That’s a natural 20, so thank god it has disadvantage. 19.

SAM: I’m going to use Cutting Words to try and not have it hit me.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I’ll sing, (singing) do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to bite my body? Okay, that taunts him.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll a d10 to reduce that from the attack.

SAM: A d10. this one? Wait, that’s yours; why am I doing yours?

MATT: That’s a 19 plus nine. This is 28 is what it rolled total.

SAM: 28 is what it rolled total?!

MATT: It rolled a 19 on the dice.

SAM: Oh fuck, even if I rolled a ten, I couldn’t do anything. I rolled a three.

MATT: Okay, so as you’re singing this, its jaw comes down on you (slamming sound), bites down painfully onto Scanlan for– that’s the wrong dice–

TALIESIN: This could go worse.

MARISHA: Shut up, Taliesin.

MATT: 19 points of piercing damage. And I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw.

SAM: I’m great at those. Dexterity saving throw. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, that’s a five.

MATT: Those of you who are watching, you see as the mouth (impact sound) chomps down on Scanlan and as it pulls away, Scanlan is nowhere in sight, having been swallowed by the purple worm.

TALIESIN: Oh, shit!

MATT: You are blinded and restrained, and yeah. You just see darkness and you feel the muscles constricting as you’re forced down its throat. As your feet splash into what seems to be some sort of highly acidic liquid that resides in the inside of its body.

SAM: Tell me this, Dungeon Master. Earlier when I had done my Eyebite thing, I had my cone up here. When he grabbed me was the cone still close to my mouth?

MATT: Sure, we’ll say that. However, I do need you to make a concentration check because of the damage you sustained on this.

SAM: Okay. Concentration check. Concentration? I’ve never rolled for concentration. Oh wait!

MATT: I know, I’m trying to keep up on that more now.

SAM: I have advantage on spell concentration.

MATT: Because of your feat that you took.

SAM: Well, that wasn’t good either. So one was a five and one was a ten. Do I add anything to that?

MATT: All right so, it’s a constitution saving throw and half the damage you took. So you’re trying to beat a nine.

SAM: Constitution. So 12.

MATT: So 12. So yes, you succeed. So you currently, even though you’re constrained, you’re still maintaining your Eyebite spell against the purple worm.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: All right. So that ends the worm’s turn. Scanlan, it is now your turn.

SAM: Great. I don’t want be in here anymore.

MATT: Correct.

SAM: Can I look around? It’s dark. It seems cozy. Seems nicer than outside right now, actually. I dip my finger in the acid. Ooo!

MATT: (sizzling sound) Not fun, not fun.

SAM: It’s not good. So I’m going to make him barf me up.

MARISHA: Oh that’s right, it was sick, right?

MATT: It’s sickened currently by the spell effect you put, yeah.

SAM: I’m going to cast, at level five, Thunderwave. With my Hand Cone of Clarity up in my grill. I’m going to explode him from the inside.

MATT: All right, Thunderwave. So at fifth level, that would be an additional 4d8. That is 6d8 thunder damage.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

SAM: Where’s the d8s?

MATT: It makes a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: He’s inside. Come on, Armageddon this motherfucker.

MATT: That is a 16 on the saving throw.

SAM: 19 is my save.

MATT: So, 6d8.

SAM: What’s that? I’ve already lost count. 15 plus seven. Whatever that is.

MATT: 22 points of–

SAM: Wait 6d8, yeah okay.

MATT: Okay. It (impact sound) booms from the inside and you can see a central part of the worm (muffled boom) billow out like a cartoon as this bit of smoke emanates from its mouth. Just the sheer force of it forces you a little ways up its throat, but not enough to jettison yourself out of its body. Its muscles are too strong and you feel like you need to do a little more damage to it from the inside to be able to escape.

SAM: Okay. But it did hurt it, yes?

MATT: It hurt it, yeah. It took some damage. And at this point as well, you (grunt) feel your body being pulled inward and crushed by the muscles. Percy. You’re up, Mr. Mistform.

TALIESIN: Okay. These creatures have no eyes.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: I’m made of smoke.

MATT: (affirmative sound)

TALIESIN: (sighs) Okay.

TRAVIS: Yes. Well established.

TALIESIN: As long as we’re all clear here what’s going on, that’s fine. And I can just dash?

MATT: That’s all you can do. Or begin to try and revert, which will take ten rounds.

TALIESIN: Well, and can I still move around and do things while I’m trying to revert or is it– Reverting. Am I just stuck reverting?

MATT: You know, that’s a good question.

TALIESIN: Can I just make the decision?

MATT: I think you can still move around, you just think you have to have concentration towards it, I’ll have to–

TALIESIN: I’m going to have my concentration on reverting. But in the meantime, I’m going to–

MATT: You can use your action to begin to revert your form, yeah.

TALIESIN: I have to use my action?

MATT: However, nope! Reverting takes a minute, during which time a creature is incapacitated and can’t move.

TALIESIN: (sputtering)

MATT: So yeah. So currently–

MARISHA: Yeah he’s really married to this one.

MATT: It took me ten seconds to read it!

LIAM: So to get out of this form, we have to stop and like meditate in one position for a full minute. What does it dissipate without doing that? How long does it take?

MATT: Eight hours.

LIAM: Eight hours, good.

MARISHA: Wait, what? No, no, no! One– Oh no, yeah, you’re right.

SAM: Can’t you just kill it? Wait a second, hold on a second.

MARISHA: Yeah, can I not kill it at all? I can’t kill it?

MATT: Not if you’re in wind form, no.

MARISHA: Question. Can I switch to an animal form?

MATT: You cannot take any other action aside from dash or reverting when in this form.

TALIESIN: Can I dash into one of the creatures?

MARISHA: Why would you do that?

MATT: I mean, you could try to. You would surround it with smoke.

LAURA: You’re made of wind!

TALIESIN: It wouldn’t know that I was there? It wouldn’t–

TRAVIS: You could either dispel it or you could flee.

TALIESIN: Okay, well I had the thought of maybe I could attempt to get them to attack each other.

MATT: I mean, that can be attempted. How are you going to do that? No, you can’t talk in this form. What are you trying to do?

TALIESIN: I’m attempting to tap them to get them to think that there’s something happening where the worms are to get them to attack.

SAM: Like a Three Stooges thing.

MATT: Okay, so you swirl this way as a dash and attempt to make an impact. I’ll say go ahead and make a strength check.

TALIESIN: Really?

MATT: Yes. With disadvantage and a serious penalty. Because you’re mist. Go for it.

TALIESIN: Natural 20, Motherfucker!

MATT: Okay, roll again, because it’s with disadvantage.

TALIESIN: (screams)

(laughter)

LIAM: Here comes the one.

TALIESIN: Baby, I know we’ve been arguing a lot lately. But I want you to know I take it all back, I take it all back. I’m going to buy you something so nice. I’m going to buy you ice cream. I’m going to buy you good ice cream! I’m going to go to Scoops. Three, motherfucker.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Which brings me to four.

MATT: All right. As the coldish mist of Percy batters itself helplessly and ineffective against the body of the giant frost worm creature, seeming to no effect as it’s now keeping itself attentive on what is nearby and within its range of motion.

TALIESIN: I will use an action surge and start turning back into a normal human then.

MATT: Well, you can continue to use your movement; you only moved a short bit.

TALIESIN: Oh, I’m going to move behind it then. That way. No, I mean far away from it. And then I’m going to use an action surge and start meditating on it.

MATT: Okay, it does attempt to take an attack of opportunity as it just feels you rush by. Nah, it misses. Rolled a two.

TALIESIN: That’s what it feels like, motherfucker.

MATT: All right. So, that end your turn?

TALIESIN: Yeah that ended it.

MATT: All right, Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Cool.

SAM: Vex, you and me babe, all we got to do is last ten rounds. Of course, all you hear is (muffled cries).

LAURA: I know, I’ve got to save you!

TALIESIN: Trinket’s there too.

LAURA: I know.

MATT: Oh, I get to make the save to see if the Eyebite maintains itself. That would be a– no, it rolled a ten and it’s minus two on its wisdom save. So it still has disadvantage on its attacks.

LAURA: Okay, all right. Are there any stalactites coming from the ceiling?

MATT: There are, actually. There’s a number of them. Just in this general vicinity there’s a whole mess of them up above from just the natural formation of it.

LAURA: Okay, I’m going to shoot Conjure Barrage at the ceiling and try to create noise away from us.

MATT: Whereabouts?

LAURA: How about towards the ceiling above the frost worm?

MATT: Over there? Okay. All right, so, okay. The frost worm is in the way to hit that angle, so you may have to move to do so.

LAURA: Which way could I shoot that he would not be in the way?

MATT: You have to probably move this way to get around him just to hit him at this angle just because it’s such a large entity.

LAURA: Huh? God, I don’t know. I mean.

MATT: What you got?

LAURA: I’m going to move as quietly as I can around towards that little crevice.

MATT: Go ahead and make a general dexterity check.

LAURA: Just add my dexterity to it? 17?

MATT: 17? Okay. As you move past, stepping as gingerly as you can, you can see it slap; it moves its face in the direction of where you’re going, but you just manage to move beyond where it thought you were, and it misses you as you move by. So now you have visual on it.

LAURA: Okay. Now I want to shoot Conjure Barrage at the ceiling above the frost one.

MATT: Okay. Conjure Barrage up here. Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Okay. That is 3d8, I guess. 14 plus five. What’s 14 plus five? 19.

MATT: 19 damage? All right. And with that, you release a blasting torrent of arrows at the ceiling in this giant cone blast. It strikes into the ceiling through the force of the magical bow that you’re holding. You can see a number of rocks in bits and pieces begin to chip off, and a few small stalactites crack and plummet downward. I need a dex save from Grog and Keyleth.

MARISHA: Dex save?

MATT: Dex save.

LIAM: We still take damage in this form, right?

MATT: You do. You just take half damage from non-magical sources.

MARISHA: Regular dexterity save or do we get advantage because we’re misty?

MATT: You have resistance to non-magical weapons.

MARISHA: Do we have advantage?

MATT: No. You take half damage because you’re misty.

MARISHA: I don’t think I made my dexterity check.

MATT: What did you roll?

MARISHA: A two.

TRAVIS: I have advantage. Danger sense. Dexterity saving throws. Total of 20.

MATT: There you go. All right, so that is a total of seven damage to Keyleth, halved to four because you’re in mist form. Seven damage to the frost worm.

LAURA: Seven damage because of the stalactites?

MATT: Yep. They fell on it. Four damage to you.

LAURA: I’m going to look over at Trinket, and I’m going to go–

MATT: Actually, no damage to you because you completely dodged out of the way.

LAURA: I’m going to go like this to Trinket, and I’m going to shoot another arrow. I can’t do the same thing. I’m going to shoot an arrow at the ceiling right above the frost thing, and then I’m going to use my bonus action to hide.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Okay. Oh, god. That didn’t do any– Well, I was hitting a stalactite, which is totally still, so it was 13?

MATT: 13? Because of your half-elf eyes, able to see in this dark interior of the cavern, I’d say yes, that hits. Barely.

LAURA: So just a regular d8. Yep. 11.

MATT: 11 damage, all right. 11 damage. It falls. Yeah, it does not make its resistance to the fall, so the stalactite falls. Larger than the previous ones that were knocked out by the barrage that loosened it up. This one crumbles, slamming into the head of the frost worm for three points of bludgeoning damage. All right.

LAURA: And then I stealth for 21 points of stealth.

MATT: Okay, good to know. All right. Ending your turn, it’s now Pike. Pike, who currently is confused by the circumstances that have currently happened. She steps out. She’s not mist. She steps out.

LAURA: Why would you do that?! Why would you do that? You’re going to kill her.

TRAVIS: She would know better than that!

LAURA: She would hide!

LIAM: She could be our saving grace. Let the man–

SAM: She’s the only one who’s got arms and legs right now.

MATT: Keyleth left the alcove after saying stay still, she saw a few individuals turn to mist on the outside. She’s very worried and confused by the circumstances.

LAURA: I’m sorry, I didn’t shoot an arrow. I just realized I didn’t shoot an arrow at his worm and I meant to, and I’m sorry.

SAM: What worm? My worm?

LAURA: The one that you’re in.

SAM: You could have hit me! It’s okay. Don’t worry.

MATT: Pike comes around the corner. “Guys? What’s happening?” And all she sees is you disappear into the shadows on the side, Trinket being very quiet, and mist swirling in the space around as these two giant worms (growls) as parts of the cavern are collapsing into it.

LAURA: Can I do that to her?

MATT: She doesn’t see you do it because you’re hidden. No, she doesn’t see you. She doesn’t roll high enough perception. Right now, she feels alone and doesn’t understand what she can possibly do in this. She doesn’t have any indication of what to do in the circumstance, so she is going to–

TRAVIS: Does Pike have Dispel Magic?

MATT: She does.

SAM: She doesn’t even know–

MATT: She doesn’t know what’s happening. She’s going to cast Flame Strike, 5th-level spell. It’s a ten-foot radius. She’s going to blast this one right here, which is the one she sees now closest to her proximity and being ice-based. So that’s 8d6 radiant damage.

SAM: Hey! Nice job, Pike!

MATT: 32 points of fire damage. Does not make its save. Suddenly from the ground, you see the rocks shake and lift for a second before a beam of divine fire (explosion) comes bursting out of the ground in a ten-foot radius around this worm. However, I do need a dexterity saving throw from both Grog and Keyleth.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LIAM: Keep your head in the game!

TRAVIS: 18.

MARISHA: What? Shut up, Liam.

LIAM: Get it. Get it, girl, get it.

MARISHA: 16.

MATT: 16? So that’s going to be 32 damage to that. That’s going to be 16 damage to you, Grog, and 32 damage to you, Keyleth.

MARISHA: All right, 32.

MATT: Fire and radiant damage. As she just sees mist in the air around the frost worm and has no indication of exactly what happened. However, the frost worm did take it as well. That’s going to end her turn as she isn’t quite sure what to do at that point. That brings us to the top of the round, Grog.

TRAVIS: What do I–? I can’t leave.

LAURA: Just back away from it.

TRAVIS: I’ll just back up to the tunnel leading out of the– yeah.

MATT: Okay.

All right, that brings us to–

TRAVIS: Oh, and I’d like to start to revert, if I could.

MATT: Okay. You’ll be there for a minute doing so. You can’t move any further. You can’t move, you’re just sitting there focusing on– incapacitated.

TRAVIS: No, I don’t start to revert.

MATT: Okay. All right, that completes your turn. Now we come to the frost worm’s turn. The frost worm, first and foremost, it gets its frost breath back. It turns this way, burrows underneath, and, seeing all the movement to this side, goes ahead and unleashes a secondary frost breath in this direction. That will only affect the purple worm and Vax. I need you guys to make constitution saving throws.

LIAM: And I can’t remember, Evasion has nothing to do with this?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Okay, I’m going to use Luck. My last Luck. That’s not good. So constitution save?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Seven.

MATT: Seven? Nope. Purple worm also does not make it, so that’ll be to both of you…

LAURA: So obviously these worms don’t even care about each other at all.

MATT: No. Seemingly, in this moment you see now, there is not a kinship between them. If anything, they both arrived due to feeling the same movement and one is currently now attacking whatever is large and in the area that it doesn’t recognize the center movement of.

MARISHA: Does that mean we could just get them fighting each other?

LAURA: That is what I’m thinking, we could get them to fight.

MATT: 36 points of cold damage to you. 36 points to the purple worm.

SAM: That halved?

MATT: No, it is magical damage, not blunt damage, so you just take it. Especially as mist, cold is bad as mist. All right, so with that, the purple–

SAM: Wait. Doesn’t my worm take it too?

MATT: He did. Both of them are still there.

SAM: Still alive?

MATT: Yeah. Looking a little rough, but it’s still alive. All right, that ends its turn. Now it’s Keyleth’s turn.

MARISHA: Okay, here’s my question.

MATT: Yep?

TRAVIS: Probably no.

MARISHA: I know.

(laughter)

SAM: Can I juggle while I’m a mist?

MATT: If you wanted to, because it is your spell that you cast, even though it’s technically not concentration–

MARISHA: I will say, we all failed in reading it, also–

SAM: Don’t do this, don’t do this!

TALIESIN: (laughs) Can’t win.

LAURA: It’s also what? What does it say?

MARISHA: Nothing.

TALIESIN: I’ll say it if it makes you feel better?

LIAM: Why don’t we let him say what he was going to say?

MATT: What were you going to say?

MARISHA: Nothing.

MATT: No, what’s up?

MARISHA: I’m afraid now.

TALIESIN: As you should be. You’re defying god.

SAM: What were you going to say, Matt?

MARISHA: Yeah, what were you going to say? (laughs) I like that question.

LAURA: Yeah, right? Since you cast it, you could break your concentration?

MATT: I’m saying, because you cast a spell that wasn’t a concentration spell, if it was a positive effect, which it technically is, and you did not want it, you could cancel the spell. I’d let you do that. If you wanted to. What did I not read?

MARISHA: We all failed in reading it.

TALIESIN: Casting time.

MATT: One action.

TALIESIN: No.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: One minute.

MATT: It says one action on my thing.

MARISHA: It says one action on yours? It says one minute on mine.

MATT: Does it?

MARISHA: Yes, it does.

MATT: Thank you, Fight Club Five.

MARISHA: No, it’s different. It says casting time one minute.

MATT: Let’s see what the Player’s Handbook says.

TALIESIN: Consult the book.

LAURA: It doesn’t matter, it already happened.

MARISHA: It already happened, so it doesn’t matter.

TRAVIS: Shouldn’t there be an ad for Gilmore’s Glorious Goods right about now?

MARISHA: Yeah, it’s already happened, we’re already committed.

MATT: In the Player’s Handbook, Wind Walk is one minute, you’re right.

MARISHA: One minute. So Fight Club failed.

MATT: Fight Club Five failed.

SAM: This is a reverse ad for Fight Club Five.

MATT: Or I have to update it. Either way. No, It might have been fixed since, I’ve just got to update it. All right. Well, anyway. In a bit of druidic inspiration, you manage to, very quickly, for the first time–

MARISHA: I mean, I’m still willing to commit to it. It’s fine.

MATT: Being as an Air Ashari, this is your realm of expertise, and your first time using it, you were so excited that you managed to accelerate the casting of the spell, regardless of the situation it may have created, so, what do you want to do?

MARISHA: So I accelerated the casting of the spell.

LAURA: So you can cancel it if you feel like canceling it.

SAM: If you want to.

LAURA: Some people’s brothers in the room are at a really low health level right now. I don’t know who we’re talking about, but some people’s brothers–

MARISHA: Are you giving me an out because you feel bad? Because if you’re giving me an out–

MATT: No, because technically it shouldn’t have happened, because it was a one-minute casting time. There are many things in that spell that were not read, by the caster, so I’m giving you the opportunity to correct the mistake, if you wish not to take it, you can.

TALIESIN: I read the card too, I didn’t see it.

MARISHA: He did read the card too, and we all thought it was a good idea.

MATT: This was a very hard and valuable lesson for casters.

LAURA: We’re in the middle of a battle.

MARISHA: (laughing) For my own shame. All right fine, I’ll drop the spell 'cause I feel really bad about it. But on my way down, okay, here’s my question, because I want to make these fuckers fight each other. So, is there loose rock along the edge of the wall?

LAURA: I dropped stalactites on them. So yeah, there’s lots of loose rock.

MATT: Yeah. And there’s rubble on the ground next to it from where the original cave-in happened

MARISHA: Okay, so as I’m dropping the spell–

MATT: All of you who are mist form now revert, and you fall about five to ten feet and catch yourself on the ground, no harm no foul.

MARISHA: As I revert back can I slide down that wall to create some–

MATT: Did you want to move first over here to do it?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: So you shift over, you drop the spell.

MARISHA: Uh-huh, I drop the spell, and as I drop the spell I want to grab some wall and bring it down to make a big vibration, right in between these two motherfuckers.

MATT: Okay. Make a strength check.

MARISHA: Oh, jeez Louise. Oh, that’s not too bad. It’s not a saving throw.

MATT: Correct. Just a strength check; add your strength modifier.

MARISHA: 18?

MATT: 18. All right. So, as you slide down, you grab onto some of the loose rock and (rockslide) they come tumbling down as you slide down. So you land here, at the base of the two worms, and rocks tumble around you at the base of the cave-in. And you get the sensation that you may have made a decent bit of racket right around your feet.

MARISHA: Uh-huh. Do I have any movement?

MATT: I’d say you have half your movement.

MARISHA: Oh, Jesus Christ. Can I just tiptoe backwards towards Percy? Or should I– You know what? I’m going to stay. I’m just going to stay right there. Is that even worse of a decision?

MATT: I don’t know. What do you want to do?

MARISHA: I’m just going to– up against the wall. And not move.

MATT: Okay. You’re going to Doctor Grant this.

MARISHA: I’m going to Doctor Grant it.

MATT: Got it. Okay. Keyleth, that ends your turn, Vax, you’re up. You now have your physical form again.

LIAM: Okay. I look around really fast, run up to my sister, give her a giant hug, and (magic sound) Dimension Door over to where Grog is.

SAM: You can Dimension Door; I keep forgetting that!

MATT: So as you rush over and grab onto her, you both (poof!) in a Nightcrawler-esque poof of smoke, as it settles, you are both no longer there, as– What’s the range on the Dimension Door?

LIAM: Oh, it’s so far, it’s like 500 feet I believe. I’ll find it.

MATT: I believe it is. Dimension Door, yeah, it’s fine. 300 feet, you’re fine. You guys appear over by Grog now.

LAURA: Is that the edge of a cliff over on that side?

MATT: It goes right to the edge, right there, and this is where it would go down the side of a giant, icy mountain. You guys are at the very, very top of a very cold, cragulous part of the Cliffkeep Mountains.

LAURA: Got it.

LIAM: I’m hasted; do I have one or two attacks at this point?

MATT: You have one attack right now.

LIAM: One attack? Okay.

MATT: You went up and did your action already.

LIAM: Action. Okay. Well then, I’m going to throw a dagger at the back of the frost one.

MATT: Okay. What’s the range on your dagger?

LIAM: It’s 60 feet, Sharpshooter, no disadvantage.

MATT: 60 feet. Just misses. You go (knife sound) and it just tumbles, scrapes across the ground, stops at the base of the worm, and then vanishes. All right, that ends your turn. Now it is this guy’s turn. At the top of his turn, Scanlan, you– all right.

SAM: I’m in a nice womb.

MATT: You take…

TRAVIS: Uh-oh.

TALIESIN: All the damage.

TRAVIS: He grimaced. Still rolling.

MATT: 23 points of acid damage as it begins to digest you from the inside.

SAM: Aren’t I immune to acid damage?

MATT: Are you?

SAM: Because of the feast?

MATT: No, poison.

SAM: Isn’t that the same thing?

MATT: No.

(laughter)

MATT: All right. So. The–

LAURA: Somebody’s got something of Acid Resistance, though. Somebody has an item.

LIAM: I had armor and I gave it to someone, I don’t have it anymore.

MATT: As the frost worm and the purple worm are now clashing in this space, they both turn, hearing the sound. Now, the frost damage that had impacted the purple worm last turn, let’s see if it– Nope! It’s going to retaliate for that, it’s going to attempt to make a bite attack against the frost worm. That is going to be a 12, that is going to miss. However, hearing the noise, it’s going to make a tail attack at the direction that Keyleth is– That’s a natural one. As it arcs through, it (impact) right next to your head and then pulls out of the rubble. The rock to your left is now cracked and broken with a giant hole where the stinger had placed itself.

MARISHA: I hold my breath.

MATT: Yeah. Disadvantage on those attacks from that Eyebite is really bad. So that’s been very helpful from Scanlan’s point. By the way, Scanlan, make another concentration check because of the–

SAM: Concentration check. Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. 18 and 19.

MATT: Yeah, you’re fine. Okay. That ends the purple worm’s turn, it’s going to stay right there. Actually, no. It’s going to burrow away, as currently it’s made its attacks. It’s going to burrow into the ground, and is currently not within anyone’s visual range.

LAURA: I have it Hunter’s Marked, can I feel it?

MATT: You can sense that it’s underneath the ground, somewhere in this cavern.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: That brings us to Scanlan.

SAM: It’s going down.

MATT: It’s going through the ground, you feel it moving around.

TALIESIN: Shake it, shake it, shake it.

SAM: So it has poison, right? It’s poisoned me– Oh, it has acid.

MATT: Yeah. It’s acid. You’re feeling yourself digest within its body.

SAM: Can I make an intelligence check to see if I know anything about these creatures?

MATT: You can if you’d like to, from the inside of its body, yeah, go ahead.

SAM: Is that my action? No, it’s…

MATT: No, no, no, I’ll let you do it because you’ve been very close and personal with it.

TALIESIN: You’ve had a lot of time to think.

SAM: Specifically what I’m trying to remember from my encounters in the past is if it has any resistance to poison damage.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: What am I doing? Intelligence?

MATT: Intelligence. Add your intelligence modifier.

SAM: 16. 16.

MATT: 16, okay. You’ve heard of these types of entities before. You’re uncertain whether or not it has a resistance to poison, per se. You get the sensation probably, based on the fact that it uses poison, you would think so, but nothing else about its body seems to be poison-related or of the essence of poison.

SAM: But it does use poison?

MATT: As part of its tail. The stinger you saw it use earlier does seem to have some–

SAM: Oh, gotcha. Okay, so it probably does have poison resistance. Okay.

MATT: You don’t know. But you do know, also, that if you were able to probably do enough damage from the inside, it would probably throw you back up. You also get the sense that since you’re currently underground, now would be a bad time to do that.

SAM: Well, I’m in a tunnel, right?

MATT: As far as you know, yeah.

LAURA: There could be other worms around.

SAM: He disappeared down– well, I don’t know anything! Okay, all right, I can feel him moving, so I don’t know where I am anymore. So I don’t want to Dimension Door out, because I don’t know where I’d end up. So instead I will cast Stinking Cloud inside– No, no, no! No. No, no. Cancel! Belay that order! Shit! Because I think he’s immune to poison, so I’m not going to do that. I’m going to– Fuck! There’s nothing I can do!

LAURA: Can you take a healing potion in case he starts to digest you some more?

SAM: (strained) I’m like this right now. I can’t do anything.

LAURA: Can you go like that, and get a healing potion and (mumbled) go like that?

SAM: I am My Left Foot. Yeah, I can’t reach a wand. I don’t want to get rid of–

MATT: You could Dimension Door, in theory.

SAM: But I don’t know where I’d end up?

MATT: As part of the spell you can either visualize a place you can see, or one you can describe by stating distance and direction. So you’ve already been inside the room, you know what it looks like, so if you think you’re somewhat close by–

SAM: So even if I’ve moved since I saw it last, I can still Dimension Door to where I think–?

MATT: In theory, yeah.

SAM: Okay, then I will do that. I will do that.

MATT: Okay. Where do you want to appear within the room?

SAM: I want to appear where Vex was before.

MATT: Okay. So, you–

LAURA: No, I was further over.

MATT: He didn’t see that. Last thing he saw was you were right next to him before he got eaten. So you disappear from the inside of its stomach and appear in a puff of smoke.

SAM: Goo! Goo all over me! Ew! Oh, and then I see– I’ve seen the other worm before, right?

MATT: Briefly, before you were swallowed, yes.

SAM: And I get my bearings, and I can see Pike, I can see Trinket.

MARISHA: You also see me against a wall right next to you.

SAM: So I will shake it off, I will inspire Keyleth and say, (singing) I only want to see you slicing up that purple worm!

ALL: (singing) Purple worm! Purple worm!

SAM: Ooh! Okay, that’s good.

MATT: d10 inspiration die to you, Keyleth.

MARISHA: I love that song!

MATT: Ends your turn, Scanlan. Percy, you’re up. You just caught yourself on the ground on the far end, by the tunnel.

TALIESIN: I want to hold my turn until the other worm returns.

MATT: Hold your action, you mean? So you want to move anywhere or are you going to stay where you are?

TALIESIN: Not going to move anywhere, just going to stay right there.

MATT: All right. Cool. That ends Percy’s turn as he’s holding his action until it returns. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: I’m going to shoot from my Blazing Bowstring at the icy worm.

MATT: That’s your second and final use this day.

LAURA: Yeah, I know. 17?

MATT: 17 unfortunately misses. Your flaming arrow streaks off the darkness of the cavern and just passes it before it slams against the far cave wall.

LAURA: Balls, balls, balls! So I’m going to shoot– Nope, not going to do that. I’m going to shoot a regular old arrow at him!

MATT: Do it! Hey, those are still helpful.

LAURA: And it doesn’t do anything. It goes right past him, and hits the wall, and he looks towards the wall.

MATT: An arrow isn’t a very hefty thing when it’s by itself hitting stonework. It makes a noise, you can barely make out, we’ll see if it’s enough to distract it. Are you going to stay where you are?

LAURA: Oh, I could have used my inspiration. I should have used it on the Blazing Bowstring one.

SAM: Hey man, whatever.

MATT: What are you going to do? Are you going to move? Do you want Trinket to move? Are you going to stay where you are?

LAURA: Everybody’s staying!

MATT: Okay, gotcha. All right, Pike, now, seeing everyone revert, and seeing this kind of awkward situation of these creatures moving about is going to– Yeah, and– She can’t see you because you’re on the other side of the wall.

LAURA: Can I use my bonus action to hide?

MATT: Sure.

LAURA: I do that!

MATT: I would recommend moving to one side of the cavern or the other, because right now you’re still out in the open. It’s kind of hard to hide if you have nowhere to hide. But you also get the feeling that these creatures– being visually hidden is not affecting it at all.

LAURA: Doesn’t matter? Then I don’t do anything!

MATT: All right. So you stay still. Pike stands still, figuring that it was helpful last time but feeling bad for accidentally– now seeing the mist reverting to her friends– that she blasted them on the previous round. Let’s see. She didn’t realized in the moment that you guys turned into mist while she was in the corner.

TRAVIS: It’s all right. I’ve had worse.

MATT: I’m pretty sure she has another 5th-level spell, and this would be the last of them. She’s going to go ahead and Flame Strike again on the frost worm. This time centering it around there, so the ten-foot radius only hits the worm and doesn’t see any allies nearby. So that will be 8d6. 33 points of damage.

LAURA: Go, Pike!

MATT: Natural 20 on the save, though, so it takes half the damage.

LAURA: Damn you! Dick.

MATT: 17 points to the frost worm. All right, Pike casts that and then stays perfectly still in space, she still has some motion and some speech to it, but her feet are planted firmly on the ground. Hopefully that’s enough. And that finishes her turn. Back to the top: Grog.

TRAVIS: Did you hold your action?

TALIESIN: I held my action

TRAVIS: Until when?

TALIESIN: Until the other worm returns.

TRAVIS: I’ll do the same thing.

MATT: Okay. The frost worm, it’s now its turn. It does not get its frost breath. However–

TALIESIN: There’s a rock slide to its right.

MATT: It is! There is a rock slide. That Keyleth is standing in. Thank you for the reminder.

TALIESIN: Damn it! Sorry.

MARISHA: Thanks for that.

MATT: It’s going to turn around. You can see now, its tail emerges, and it’s going to arc up and try and bite and slam in your direction with both sides of its body at once. This tail does not have a stinger on it, but it is still a giant bludgeoning implement. First attack is going to be a 19 to hit?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Next one is going to be a 16 to hit.

MARISHA: No.

MATT: All right, so the tail slams on the ground next to you, estimating your position and failing and just hitting the rocks that you had slid down. However, it does bite down with its open, icy jaws. You take 17 points of piercing damage, as well as an additional six points of cold damage.

MARISHA: Bringing it to a total of 22?

MATT: 22, yeah.

TALIESIN: Sorry.

MARISHA: I deserved that.

TALIESIN: We live in a cold, cold world. No one deserves anything.

MATT: Let’s see if it makes any sort of perception check. Okay, cool. That ends its turn. It’s now Keyleth’s turn.

MARISHA: So does it know that I’m there since it just took a big chunk out of me?

MATT: It senses that it impacted something and something that reacted and tasted like it had been bitten, so you get the sense that it knows you’re there.

MARISHA: All right. I’m in arm’s length of it, right?

MATT: You are.

MARISHA: I’m going to reach out and cast Blight on it.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: You touch me when you’re trying to touch the worm. I don’t know how–

MATT: Cast Blight on Taliesin! All right. Constitution saving throw. What’s the DC on that?

MARISHA: 18.

MATT: 18. It does not make it. 16. So 8d8 necrotic damage to it.

SAM: Necrotic damage? Best kind.

MARISHA: Oh, jeez. What was that? Seven. Seven plus five. Seven, eight, 13, 16, and then another 12. Where was I at? 18. Oh, so 28, 32, 33 points. MATT: 33 points of necrotic damage to the frost worm. As you reach out with your hand and grasp it, you can see now its icy white exterior all of a sudden shudders in place and you can see small cracks of black veins begin to spring out from your hands into its body. Its frozen breath all of a sudden thaws briefly into a dripping drool as it is stunned momentarily, and it pulls away, wrestling itself from your grasp. It did not enjoy that at all. So that’s your action.

MARISHA: I’m going to once again not move. Can I go ahead and cast Healing Word on myself?

MATT: As a bonus action? I don’t see why not.

MARISHA: Nine, total. That does help.

MATT: That ends your turn, Keyleth. Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: All right. I want to see if I can use the haste to do double distance to get behind Pike in that little alcove. If I can’t go that far, I’ll use dash to get behind her.

MATT: You could. You can get behind her.

LIAM: Without the dash?

MATT: Yeah, because of your haste, you can move 60 feet.

LIAM: I’m standing right behind her and I say, Pike, I’m a little banged up. Dagger, dagger, dagger.

MATT: Okay, go for it. It is just– or no, it’s within 30 feet.

LIAM: 17 for the first. 21 for the second.

MATT: Hits, hits.

LIAM: 18 for the third.

MATT: All three hit.

LAURA: Is it sneak attack because Keyleth’s standing right next to it?

LIAM: All right, so first one is four. This is doubled, so that’s 15 plus… 16, 21, 25, 28, 36 for the first.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: Second one is nine, and the third one is ten.

TALIESIN: Damn.

MATT: All right, as your barrage of blades (spinning noises) go spinning right over Pike’s head, she feels the actual wind distortion (puff) past her hair, sending strands kind of wafting in front of her face as she just stays perfectly still, trusting you. The blades all (impacts) sinking into it, one of which strikes an area of the side of its body armor where the plates on the armor had seemed to be cracked from the blackened veins from her Blight spell. As it does, the dagger doesn’t even stop and plunges directly into its body, and you can see a gout of dark, deep red blood just (spurt) out from the wound. It (screeches) shakes in place from the impact, the pain, it’s starting to look a little harsh.

LIAM: Done.

MATT: All right, ends your turn! That brings us to the purple worm.

LAURA: (singing) Purple worm.

LAURA & MARISHA: (singing) Purple worm.

MATT: Purple worm is going to now emerge from the impact–

MARISHA: Come on, fight the big cocksucker.

MATT: It’s going to burst out from the ground where you and Pike are as the last motion that it felt was you rushing over across the ground. (boom) It comes tearing through, making its bite attack against you and its tail attack against you as well, because of Pike not moving.

LIAM: Question!

MATT: Yes?

LIAM: Pike probably doesn’t, but do I have any advantage being that I’m in this little closed-in bubble?

MATT: Technically, no, because it has reach. And it just kinda swerves around the inside and it knows this cavern pretty well as it’s been through here a few times. So. That’s going to be a 23 to hit on you?

LIAM: Of course that hits.

MATT: For the bite attack.

SAM: Even with its disadvantage?

MATT: Oh, with the disadvantage– sorry, the second roll– thank you for reminding me there. It would have been a 13 on the second one plus nine, that would be 20.

LIAM: Still hits! Uncanny Dodge please! To halve the damage.

MATT: To halve the damage? Yeah, you can do that on this one. But first then there’s the bite. I will do that now. That is 21 points of piercing damage?

LIAM: Unconscious.

MATT: With it halved?

LIAM: 21 halved?

MATT: 21 halved would put you at 11.

LIAM: Oh, yeah. Okay, no, I’m still on my feet.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: (dazed mumbling)

MATT: The tail stinger’s going to swing at you with disadvantage. That is 14. Rolled a six and a five. So, as the bite clamps down at you its tail tries to strike at you but misses entirely. However, its jaws attempt to close around you, I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw.

LIAM: Hold on. 16.

MATT: 16. As you try and move out of the way, it’s not quite fast enough as darkness takes you, the mouth (slam shut sound) clamps around you, (gulp noise) and you are swallowed.

LAURA: You didn’t even get healed! (panicked gasp)

LIAM: Still conscious.

MATT: That ends its turn. Now having it appeared, as this round has happened, I would like both Grog and Percy to–

TALIESIN: I’m going to shoot the purple thing with a violent shot.

MATT: How many points into it?

TALIESIN: I’m going to drop all three points into violent shot.

MATT: Okay! That adds plus six to your misfire. So you have like a 46% chance of misfiring on this shot.

TALIESIN: If I roll a six. A six or lower. It–

MATT: Well, it adds plus two to your misfire per point spent.

TALIESIN: Oh! Never mind then! Oh shit! Then never mind. Then I’m just going to take two points of violent shot. So that’s–

MATT: So that would bring it to a misfire of seven.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Okay! So take your shot.

MARISHA: You misfire on a seven or lower?

TALIESIN: Yep.

MARISHA: Holy shit, Taliesin!

MATT: But if he hits it’s two additional dice damage to it.

MARISHA: Come on, Golden Snitch!

TALIESIN: Seven.

MATT: You rolled a seven?

TALIESIN: I rolled a seven.

MATT: As you rear back, get ready to fire, all of a sudden, you pull the trigger and the way that you had customized the barrel to blast additional black powder blows up in your face and the gun actually bends out of the way and you feel the impact–

TALIESIN: Wait! I get to reroll something, don’t I? Where is it? Where is it? Aw. Do I get a reroll?

Yeah. One save reroll per—

MATT: That’s a saving throw reroll, that’s not an attack, unfortunately. Yeah, the weapon misfires, doesn’t do damage to you but the blast does not take off. You would have to repair the Bad News to use it again.

TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to pull out my new gun and take two shots.

MATT: Okay, so you drop Bad News, take two shots. Go for it.

TALIESIN: God damn it. (sighs)

TRAVIS: Come on, Percy!

TALIESIN: That hits! That’s a 21.

MATT: That hits.

TALIESIN: I’m just going to roll the other one, too. And that’s a 30, that hits. So that’s, plus 12. Eight, 15, 25. That’s 27 points of damage.

SAM: Lot of things going on in Matt Mercer’s head right now.

MATT: All right. How do you want to do this?

MARISHA: Thank god! Such an asshole.

TALIESIN: Bad News is down, I toss it to the ground, I pull out the new one. I take my shot just to get its attention to get one in the mouth.

MATT: Okay, as you take one shot (gunshot noise) it blast the side of the wall, its head turns towards you, seeing the sudden movement, and as you do you aim up, aiming for the back of its head. You fire. This time the bullet strikes true, right into the back of its throat. You can see now (explosion noise) the blowout which is a small hole in the back of its throat, you can see the cavern behind it and a little bit of light that is peeking through. It (groans) and just (impact) falls across the ground here. The Eyebite spell no longer effective but it is, currently, still there, holding the area.

LIAM: (muffled) I’m still in here.

MATT: Yep, you feel it (impact) collapse on the ground and it’s not moving and the muscles go lax around you.

LAURA: That’s good, so you can move a little bit.

MATT: It’s now Grog’s turn.

TRAVIS: I can’t go get him, though, 'cause the other dick lord is still on the map.

LIAM: (muffled) I’m in acid in here.

TRAVIS: I can’t get to him. I’ll run up to the dead earthworm and try and cut Vax out of his stupid stomach. With Craven Edge.

MATT: As you rush up, leaping onto the body of the now-deceased purple worm, you bring the blade up and begin carving through. Go ahead and I’ll say you manage to, over the course of this round, you don’t have to roll for it. You just begin to tear through it with the blade repeatedly, gashing it open until eventually you can feel the blows from the outside.

TRAVIS: Did I just help midwife Vax out of this thing?

MATT: Just a moment. I would like you to go ahead and make an attack roll with disadvantage.

LAURA: An attack.

TRAVIS: 20.

LIAM: Hits!

MATT: All right, go ahead and roll damage.

LIAM: I mean, I’m unconscious.

MARISHA: You’re unconscious?

LAURA: Well, he will be once he takes his damage.

TRAVIS: 17.

LIAM: Unconscious–

MATT: 17, so, as you strike through you feel yourself hit something else within the purple worm, and as the wound opens up, you can see Vax’s bleeding, unconscious form slip out of the purple worm’s body, onto the ground of the icy cavern.

TRAVIS: Ew.

LAURA: You just killed my brother.

LIAM: I’m unconscious.

MATT: All right, that ends your turn?

TRAVIS: It was only one– it was a couple of strikes to get him out, right?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that ends it.

MATT: All right.

(laughter)

SAM: Killed Vax.

MATT: That was your saved attack. Now, finishing that turn, Scanlan, you are up.

SAM: Ah, me? oh. Hello, hello. (laughs) I will kill it with fire. Well, let’s see, can I see Vax over there in the worm juice?

MATT: No, not from your position. As far as you know, he’s still been swallowed.

SAM: Then I’ll kill it with fire. I will use my Wand of Fireballs to blast balls at it.

TALIESIN: Your balls of fire wand.

SAM: My balls of fire, and I won’t hit Key, will I?

MATT: Currently, if you aim it properly. It’s a big radial spell.

LAURA: Oh no, it’s going to get Keyleth.

SAM: Oh, it’s that radius!

MATT: Yes. You could aim it in such a way–

SAM: Forget it, I’ll just do Lightning Bolt instead.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: That’s a huge radius.

MATT: Fireball’s a powerful, dangerous spell, if things are in close quarters, but against mass amounts of enemies, it’s brilliant.

SAM: So I take two steps to my right, so no one else is in the line and I will lightning it instead.

MATT: All right. Go for it, go ahead and roll damage.

SAM: 8d6, yeah?

MATT: Yep, that is an 11 on its dexterity saving throw. Full damage.

SAM: 31.

MATT: 31 points of lightning damage to it. All righty! As you step to the side, releasing the bolt of lighting energy, it blasts into the front of its face. You can see one of its jaw mandibles gets torn off from part of the impact, you can see now the deep red blood begin to pool on the side of its face and drip down as it looks over, whipping its head in your direction.

SAM: (whimpers) Do I still have any movement?

MATT: Yeah, you only moved ten feet, so you still have 15 more feet.

SAM: I’m going to try to shuffle back into the tunnel there a little bit. And for my bonus, I’ll Healing Word myself.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Okay, what is that, d4? Great, yeah, six points. Awesome.

MATT: All right, that finishes Scanlan’s turn. Percy, you’re up.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take another shot at the big icy worm.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I’m just going to take two normal, everyday shots because things have been weird. It’s got to be close to death now. That’s 17.

MATT: 17 just barely hits.

TALIESIN: And 24.

MATT: Okay, both hit.

LAURA: Get it, Percy!

MATT: Your pistol now needs to be reloaded.

TALIESIN: Yes. Well, that’s my third– Third attack is to reload. I keep track, I’m good. 21 points of damage.

MATT: Good. (gun firing twice) Both shots go off, (click) the third one kind of clicking. You go to reload, you can see both blast across the front of its body, leaving little reddish dots on its midsection as each bullet sinks into it. It’s still standing, still writhing about. You can see it’s bleeding from many different wounds and it’s not looking too great, but it’s still standing. Stay where you are or you going to–?

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, I’m staying where I am.

MATT: All right, Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: I’m going to Hunter’s Mark him.

MATT: All righty!

LAURA: And I’m going to shoot two arrows at him. Because what else am I going to do? Oh, Pike can help you.

TRAVIS: He’s unconscious; don’t listen to that piece of shit.

LAURA: I can’t tell what happened; Grog went to save you.

LIAM: Huh? Oh, yeah.

LAURA: 29 on the first hit.

MATT: 29 hits.

LAURA: And 27 on the second hit.

MATT: Both hit.

LAURA: Okay. 20 on the first hit.

MATT: Nice.

LAURA: 18 on the second hit.

MATT: Got it. Both arrows (impacts) sticking into its side, you can now see multitudes of the shafts sticking out. It’s still standing. It’s a hardy, hardy creature. You want to move or you want to stay where you are?

LAURA: I’m going to stay where I am.

MATT: Okay. That’s all right, ends your turn. Trinket’s still sitting there wanting to help, but not able to do anything. All right.

SAM: So you mean, Trinket is doing what Trinket always–

LAURA: Shut up!

(laughter)

MATT: Pike screams out, “Vax!” and runs up the body, climbs up to the top and jumps off, landing next to your unconscious self. Reaches down and is going to use her one 6th-level spell, Heal.

MARISHA: Ooh!

MATT: So you immediately regain 70 hit points.

LAURA: Whoa!

TRAVIS: It’s like Pulp Fiction with the adrenaline shot.

MATT: Clerics, man! You come to consciousness, taking the deep breath– The cold air from the cavern that you inhale stings your lungs, and you look over and Pike’s there before you, eyes wide. Goes from a serious frown and a worried, furrowed brow to a big smile as you come back to consciousness. “Vax!” as she goes and hugs you.

LIAM: And I clap my hand here and I leave a big, gory, slimy smear right on the half of her face. Thank you, Pike.

MATT: So you’re back up, that finishes her round. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: We are still hungry! And I rush up to giant dick smear.

MATT: Leaping over– (grunt, running sounds)

TRAVIS: And I would like to use reckless attack on my first of all three great weapon master.

MATT: Okay. You can use them all. All of them are affected now.

TRAVIS: Let’s do that.

MATT: All right! So, advantage on all of your attacks.

TRAVIS: That’s a 23.

MATT: Hits.

TRAVIS: Oh, Jesus. What’s 29 minus five? 24.

MATT: Hits.

TRAVIS: That probably–

LAURA: That hits, too.

TRAVIS: Yeah. I’ve got to do the math. 22.

MATT: All right, go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: Okay. 12. 20, plus ten, 30 for the first one. Eight. 13. 21, 31 for the second one.

LAURA: Grog, you’ve never been so hot!

TRAVIS: Three, eight, 16, 26 for the third one.

MATT: 26. How do you want to do this?

TRAVIS: I’d like to take Craven Edge and jump up, straight up, as high as I can and drive it straight into the top of its cavity and just drag it down and open it up like a beautiful bouquet.

MATT: As you see Grog staple himself to the top of this now-standing, 20-25 foot tall creature, he, using his barbarian strength to leap up on the top, sinking the blade into the back of its head. Immediately it rears back, its whole back arching. As it does so, you just use the heft of your weight, grinning as you drive the blade down the entirety of its body. As you grind down to the surface, you can see its armored back just pop open, like a freshly cooked sausage– just the insides spill out onto the ground. By the time Grog reaches the ground, you are coated in thick, thick crimson. Strangely enough, even though the blood is liquid, you feel almost like this crystalline force, like there are actually ice crystals within the blood stream itself from the cold that emanates from its body–

TRAVIS: Like Icy Hot.

MATT: Yes! And as you land and hit the ground, its body slaps forward, barely missing Keyleth as it wet hits the ground. Almost like a shrimp that had its entire back torn open. It’s just in two pieces face down on the ground. Right there.

MARISHA: Good work, Grog.

TRAVIS: I want more. Who’s next?

LIAM: Shh!

LAURA: Calm down, Grog! Calm your tits, Grog!

TRAVIS: Can I look in the blade and go: that was good, wasn’t it?

MATT: “You did good, my friend. Very, very good.”

MARISHA: Hi, Grog.

SAM: Who you talking to, Grog?

TRAVIS: That was good, wasn’t it?

MARISHA: It was very good, yeah! You did good!

TRAVIS: Well, fucking answer me next time, Jesus!

SAM: Sorry!

LIAM: I speak quietly into the earring and say: could everybody shut the fuck up, please, and can we get out of here? Quietly?

LAURA: No! There’s gold! There’s lots of gold on the other side!

LIAM: Yeah, let’s call another two worms, let’s do that.

SAM: These are probably the only ones! It’s a male and a female!

MARISHA: How do you know that!?

LIAM: They fucking hated each other. They hated each other!

MARISHA: Yeah! They were trying to kill each other!

SAM: Yeah! They were married! They’re a married couple! They hate each other!

MARISHA: Scanlan, that’s only your relationships!

LAURA: Scanlan, you’re right there. Get as much gold as you can and Dimension Door over to the teleporter.

SAM: I’m here? What?

LAURA: You’re right by the gold!

SAM: Oh you mean, I’m going to get the gold?!

LAURA: Get the gold and Dimension Door!

SAM: I don’t have a Bag of Holding! I weigh 14 pounds! I can’t hold that much gold! Gold is heavy!

TRAVIS: I can get over there. Do we want gold?

SAM: Yes, we want fucking gold! Wait, isn’t there gold all over the place?

MATT: It’s like smatterings of single pieces across the floor, but this one tunnel, the hoard itself is pouring into the tunnel left behind.

LAURA: I need it!

TALIESIN: Go grab the gold, let’s get the body, and we’ll get out of here. We have to search the body as well.

TRAVIS: I run over to the gold. I run around the worm and run to the gold. And I (yelling) frenzied rage-loot this shit!. Just hacking away at it!

MATT: Slapping the stone and pouring all the rest of the gold you can get your hands on inside this–

SAM: I’ll assist. Grog, Grog! Open the bag! (singing) Bigby’s Hand will grab the gold.

(laughter)

LAURA: Yes! Oh my gosh, get so much gold!

MATT: Giant scoops into the Bag of Holding. It’s just pouring off the sides of it onto the ground and you’re having to scoop it back up inside.

MARISHA: I take out like my little filet knife and I start going to town on the frost worm in front of me, trying to salvage anything that I can from him.

MATT: Okay!

LAURA: I call Trinket and I tell him to get over by the teleportation circle.

MATT: Make a nature check real fast.

MARISHA: My book! I got my book!

SAM: Who, me? Nature check?

MARISHA: It’s me. I got my book, which gives me advantage.

LIAM: I’m meeting Trinket, and I’m going to lay-slash-nap on his back.

MARISHA: 29.

LAURA: And I’m going to run as fast as I can over to where I can see them hoarding the gold, because I want to see it.

MATT: All right. You get over there pretty quick.

TALIESIN: I’m going to check the frozen body.

MATT: Okay. As Keyleth checks, you check the frozen body.

TALIESIN: Is that the dead man?

MATT: Oh. oh! The frozen man. Okay. Keyleth. You take a moment to cut through and there’s the other undamaged mandible, the eye appears to be undamaged but those are all going to be very careful, time-intensive things to remove properly. There isn’t much that can really be pulled from this other than that. There’s not a whole lot of material on–

MARISHA: Can I vial any of the blood?

MATT: You can bottle some of the blood, yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah, I want to do that.

MATT: Okay, so you bottle some of the blood–

MARISHA: And I’m going to take that mandible if I can.

MATT: Okay, so you remove a mandible. So you can mark that down. All right, so you guys are gathering money.

TRAVIS: We don’t have anything to store it in, really.

LAURA: Can I try to get some of the icy armor off of the big worm that’s right next to me now?

MATT: You step up to it. I mean, most of the armor–

LAURA: I just want to pull on it and see if I can get some of it.

MATT: The parts that you pull on, that are like big hefty chunks that would be of any real use, are part of its body. The few that are busted from the damage you dealt to it throughout the combat, they’re such small pieces and they crumble at your touch.

LAURA: It’s okay, I’m more interested in gold anyway.

TALIESIN: Is it possible to move the frozen man, or is he just really stuck in there?

MATT: You go ahead and you grab onto him, and he’s actually frozen to a coat of ice that is left in there, and looking at the ice pattern, you get the sensation that that frost worm may have frozen him in there, had seen him previously and, unable to reach him within the very back of that alcove, just frost breath-ed, this one or another like it did so.

TALIESIN: Keyleth! Can I borrow you over here?

MARISHA: Yeah. What do you want?

SAM: Are your hands dripping with blood right now?

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Can you warm him up and see if we can get him out of here?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, so you begin to slowly–

MARISHA: We were trying to do this before. We were trying to melt his face because Pike was going to do a talk to dead spell.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: We know what happened to him now, though.

LAURA: Yeah, we’ve got to get out of here.

MATT: So, anything else you want to do?

MARISHA: Well, I guess we’re taking the body? I’ll focus my heat on his feet so we can just dislodge him and throw him over our shoulder and go.

MATT: Okay. The ice slowly begins to melt, you gather you probably have another five to ten minutes before he’ll be free.

TRAVIS: That’s pretty long. Too long.

LAURA: Yeah, if we feel anything, let’s go, okay. Got the gold? Let’s go. Let’s go.

MATT: You’re still gathering gold, it’s going to take you a while to get all this, it’s a lot of– it’s a small opening–

TRAVIS: Do we leave the cave or do we use the teleportation circle?

LAURA: Teleportation circle.

MARISHA: How much time is it going to take them to get the gold?

MATT: Probably, to get all of it? Another probably 15 minutes or so.

LAURA: Jeez.

MATT: Because you have to like get in the cavern and pull out chunks, so it’s a big hoard.

MARISHA: How about this, let’s spend five minutes doing all this stuff and see where we’re at.

LAURA: He’s rolling, he’s rolling!

MARISHA: Son of a bitch, we should go.

MATT: As you’re having this conversation, the ground begins to quake and you can just see–

ALL: Go! Run run run!

SAM: It could be an unrelated seismic event.

LAURA: Scanlan, run!

MATT: All right, as you all rush around the corpses, heading towards the teleportation circle, you–

SAM: I smack myself with Bigby’s Hand.

MATT: Giving yourself a lift as you’re pushed along over the course, you guys rush over to the teleportation circle, right as you hear the ground erupt about 30 feet behind you.

LAURA: Oh, shit!

MATT: In a very similar fashion as the initial arrival of the worm, and you hear a similar shrieking sound.

LAURA: Slow-motion turn around, is it a purple one or a blue one?

MATT: It is another purple worm. A larger one. Immediate comparison? You get the idea, and as you were tearing it apart– Both of these were adolescent. They weren’t fully grown.

TALIESIN: Run!

TRAVIS: Must go faster. Must go faster.

MATT: All of you guys rush onto it, one after the other, onto the teleportation sigil, the sigil carrying each of you back to your destination before the purple worm can reach you in time, you all now find yourselves standing in the room beneath the house that previously belonged to Krieg, safe, with as much gold as you could carry in the time period you had.

LAURA: Which is a good amount, I have a feeling.

MATT: We’ll come back to that in a minute, but first we’re going to take a little break for the restroom, guys. So we’ll see you back here real fast, we’ll make this a quick break, and see you soon.

TRAVIS: Five minutes. Five minutes. Don’t leave.

MATT: Bye, guys.

Break
[break]

Part II
MATT: Welcome back, everyone. So. Returning, as the party calms down after the harrowing encounter with a couple of worm-based entities. What would you like to do?

MARISHA: Sorry about that whole cloud mist thing, you guys. I was trying to–

LAURA: We almost died.

MARISHA: Yeah. Sorry about that. Thanks, Vex.

TRAVIS: That was you?

MARISHA: Look, it was something new, I’m still working out the kinks, all right?

LAURA: Don’t do it again. Not in combat.

MARISHA: I’m working out the kinks. I’m sorry. It’ll be really cool next time I try it.

LIAM: 20. Anything left? Or is it just where I, we–

MATT: Same setup where you left it, but the same pattern to escape that you recall from before.

LIAM: There were traps left still. Still the same, all right.

MATT: Still the same pattern, so you guys all, thankfully, due to Vax’s viselike memory, follow the path through the tiles to avoid the traps that are set entering that room. You make your way back up the stairs to the gallery room that contained the tapestries, the domino set, the gold tea set, the skull with the gem, all those things.

TALIESIN: I say we grab the tea set and the skull and take them to Lady–

LAURA: Dr. Dra?

TALIESIN: No, actually, maybe we should have it identified first.

LAURA: Right. That would be smart. What are we going to get– are we doing– wait. Here’s a question I have. Do we have to give Dr. Dra the portion of what we found down there? Because technically it’s not in the house. Technically. So, whatever we find in the house is what we give him a percentage of, yes? Yes?

SAM: Technically, he’s not an honorable man. But we should be.

LAURA: Right, and honorably, it is truthful to say that we didn’t find it in the house. Technically, it’s across the fucking world.

TRAVIS: That’s true. Give him a bit of the tea set, we give him the dominoes–

LAURA: They tried to steal our money, Scanlan, and you’re letting them have free rein in our house right now.

SAM: It’s their nature.

MARISHA: I’m still really confused as to why we came back here to begin with.

SAM: We were checking it out to see if it was safe.

MARISHA: Right, well, that’s been confirmed, it’s not.

LAURA: Right? We found the owner of the house, and he’s been frozen.

SAM: Should we report this to the officials and try to quarantine the house, destroy it, something?

TALIESIN: I think that would be wise.

MARISHA: Quarantine the house?

SAM: Just destroy the portal, destroy the teleportation circle.

TALIESIN: Certainly can’t have anyone else moving in here.

LAURA: We should take it for ourselves. Just to keep it safe.

SAM: Take the gold, or the house?

TRAVIS and LAURA: The house.

LAURA: We should let Emperor Uriel know that we should take control of this house because it contains very powerful secrets.

TALIESIN: We should find out what that skull does.

SAM: What does Pike think about that?

MATT: Pike? Hearing this conversation and still glad that everyone survived this end of this whole circumstance, goes: “Well–”

(laughter)

MATT: “I mean, we should let Uriel know.”

TALIESIN: I can’t look at him.

MATT: “But we also made a deal. And we’re people of our word.”

LAURA: Yes, Pike, we made a deal for anything we found in the house.

SAM: Don’t condescend to Pike.

LAURA: I’m not condescending Pike, I am rationalizing this agreement.

MARISHA: I’m still really confused as to why we are trying to maintain honor to inhonorable people.

SAM: Because we’re better than that.

LAURA: I’m going to tell him you said that.

TRAVIS: Yeah, why do we care if they have money?

SAM: Let’s count our money first before we make that decision. But I’m mainly concerned what Pike feels about taking control of this evil, evil house.

LAURA: It’s not evil, evil. It’s not an evil house.

SAM: It’s got an evil, mysterious gem-eye looking at us right now.

LAURA: Well, exactly, it’s got secrets. We have a house that has powerful secrets in it, that people shouldn’t be in. I’m saying we should claim it so that we can keep other people from falling victim.

SAM: All right. If in claiming it we can get someone, some sort of religious person in here to clear it for us, making sure that it’s– Pike would be an option.

MARISHA: How is this going to sound to Uriel? Excuse me, Uriel, just want to let you know that we broke into General Krieg’s old house and found out it’s really dangerous. Can we have it?

LAURA: No, we just say– Keyleth, really?

MARISHA: Well, I’m just saying, how do we phrase this?

LAURA: You think that’s how you would phrase it? You’d say: we heard rumor that the owner of the house had gone missing. We went to investigate and discovered very powerful, dangerous secrets within. We know where he is. He’s frozen on the other side of a portal. We need to make sure nobody else falls victim to it. So we close off the house and we say we’ll keep it safe. For the time being.

MARISHA: And what happens when he asks why we were there in the first place?

LAURA: We tell him we heard that somebody went missing and we were investigating where he went.

TRAVIS: That makes sense to me.

LIAM: We’ve probably earned a bit of trust at this point.

LAURA: What, we have to go through his guard? No. We’re part of the council.

MARISHA: I don’t know

LAURA: I think it’s a very fair– Percy?

TALIESIN: I would agree. I don’t think it’s necessary for us to claim ownership for it. We just need to have it cordoned off and make sure no one else, other than us, can come in.

LAURA: Exactly. I’m not saying it’s ours. I’m saying we just make sure no else comes in.

SAM: We’re leasing with an option to buy.

TRAVIS: Is the skull with the gem in there still?

MATT: It’s still turned away, and I believe you put a tapestry over it.

LAURA: Yes, we did.

TALIESIN: Let’s bundle it up in the tapestry.

LIAM: That thing is trouble, though, that thing is trouble

TALIESIN: Well, let’s take it to somebody who–

SAM: Take the skull?

TALIESIN: I think we should take the skull and show it to someone who might know what it is.

TRAVIS: All right, I go over and grab the tapestry and the skull, hold it like a knapsack.

MATT: Okay, make– no this is fine, it’s relatively light.

TRAVIS: Can you hear me?

TALIESIN: Yes, Grog, we can hear you.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Right, good, maybe–

SAM: Oh shit, the whispers. If you haven’t read the comics, check it out on geekandsundry.com.

TALIESIN: And while you’re there, spend some money at Gilmore’s Glorious Goods. Gilmore’s, where all of your magical items can be procured. With a smile a week.

LAURA: (laughing) That was the lamest slogan ever.

MARISHA: All of your items can be purchased.

TALIESIN: I’m exhausted.

TRAVIS: Shut the fuck up! Wait, wait, wait. Last part, last part, last part.

SAM: And don’t forget!

TALIESIN: Don’t forget?

SAM: If someone’s whispering in your ear, it’s probably the sound of your conscience saying: “Go buy a T-shirt!”

TRAVIS: I take off running out of the house.

MATT: As you guys are having this conversation, Grog just bolts out of the house. Just runs up the stairs, out through the foyer, and is–

LAURA and TALIESIN: Grog!

LIAM: I start running after him, and I’m hasted.

MARISHA: Oh, it’s reverse whispering!

TALIESIN: It’s the reverse whisper!

SAM: Guys, this is the rest of the show.

TALIESIN: They’re not talking, there’s just tongues in ears.

LAURA: (laughs) Lalalala.

MARISHA: Wet willie.

LIAM: I’m running out stealthing, after him.

LAURA: I stop and I get the golden tea set. And I take off after him.

TRAVIS: (yelling) Guys, you’ve got to come out of the house, now!

TALIESIN: Okay, we’re running out of the house.

TRAVIS: We’ve got to get out of the house. Now!

TALIESIN: We’re running out of the house.

MARISHA: Okay, okay. We’re running out of the house. Christ.

TALIESIN: I’m following him out of the house, so.

MATT: Right. You all rush out. You’re now out of the foyer. You burst out the front of the home itself. You’re in the front yard at this point in time, in the slightly dead grass.

TALIESIN: It’s going to go Poltergeist on us, isn’t it?

MARISHA: The house just collapses.

MATT: The sun’s still high in the sky, late afternoon at this point.

LAURA: What the fuck was that about?

TRAVIS: The house and the skull are linked. As long as the house stands, his evil will grow.

SAM: Whose evil?

TRAVIS: It didn’t say. The house has to be taken down to the ground. The portal must be destroyed.

LIAM: Says who? Who’s in there?

TRAVIS: (loud and angry) I just heard this fucking– (calmer, hesitating) I. Have… premonitions at times, it runs in my family.

MARISHA: Since when, Grog?

TRAVIS: You know, when I’m drinking ale, this voice goes like: “Stop!” But I’m like: “No.” And I keep going. And sure enough, I should’ve stopped.

MARISHA: But you haven’t been drinking today.

SAM: That voice is usually me.

TRAVIS: Are you saying anything?

MATT: Grog. Make a deception check.

TRAVIS: 12.

MATT: I’m going to say, over the course of everyone listening, Grog hasn’t been really fancy with wordplay or deception. He’s a very blunt, upfront person, and it’s very awkward to see a childlike mind attempt to convey a fictional story like the one he’s been pretending.

LAURA: So, you’re lying.

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: You’re lying, Grog.

TRAVIS: What? Why do you say that?

TALIESIN: Because you’re really bad at it. And it’s hilarious.

TRAVIS: Reverse psychology. I’m really bad at it.

LAURA: Yes, you are.

TRAVIS: That didn’t work.

TALIESIN: No, it didn’t.

LIAM: I want to walk right up to Grog. Right up to his nipples, because that’s as high as I go.

SAM: Kiss him on the mouth.

(laughter)

LIAM: That’s two episodes from today. Will you come down here, please? Big Man? Couple of things. First, and this is a smaller detail, I shaved half your beard, correct? It’s correct. You’ve cut me open at least twice, right now. Pike, come here.

MATT: Pike walks up. “Yeah?”

LIAM: I would say that makes you and I even. You’ve been acting all kinds of fucked-up for a while now, and I know you don’t want to disappoint her, your best friend. Something’s going on with you, and it’s time to talk about it. You’re talking to yourself, you’re talking to your own asshole. You’re talking to that fucking sword, you’re talking to trinkets we’re picking up in houses. What is going on?

TRAVIS: Talking to the sword?

LIAM: And she’s listening. And she knows when you’re lying, and she knows when you’re telling the truth.

TRAVIS: Pike?

MATT: She does give you this concerned look that only a possibly disappointed friend can give you, like, “I am worried about you, Grog.”

TRAVIS: Honestly, I’m hurt. I’m offended. And we are not fucking equal. If you want to get equal, we can step out here, and handle business like men.

MARISHA: Who all is around to see this?

TRAVIS: I’ve cut you open twice. Twice.

LIAM: I walk away. I walk off. I leave the fucking house.

LAURA: We’re already out of the house.

MATT: So as you guys are standing in front of the house, Vax just steps out into the center of the Cloudtop District, in the direction towards the exit.

LIAM: Gone. Stealthed. Laters.

TRAVIS: Pike, can I talk to you for a second?

MATT: “Yeah. Grog, anything.”

TRAVIS: (scoffs) Talking to my sword. The skull has a voice.

MATT: “What do you mean?”

TRAVIS: Yeah. I picked it up, right, because I was just going to carry it out, and it said, like: “I can grant you a wish. Any wish that you want.”

MATT: “We’ve been told something similar before, and that didn’t go too well. Put the skull down, please.”

TRAVIS: Yeah. But it’s a wish. We can wish for anything.

MATT: “Grog, please, trust me? Put the skull down.”

TRAVIS: I don’t want to put it down.

MATT: “I know. Do you trust me?”

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: “Put the skull down, Grog.”

TRAVIS: I drop the skull.

MATT: Okay. The tapestry clatters to the ground and opens up, and the skull rolls for a second and stops on its side. You can see now, the golden skull is just resting there. The gem still with the intricate filigree, buried within the eye socket. Pike turns to the rest of you and calls you over. “We don’t know what this is. And dangerous magics are drawn to imagery like this. Let us see what this is about, first.”

MARISHA: Pike, can you discern what kind of entity this might be attached to?

MATT: “I had a feeling before.” And she pulls out her healing symbol and casts Detect Good or Evil again in the direction of the skull. You can see she recoils the moment that she concentrates. “The aura is definitely evil from this object.”

MARISHA: Okay.

LAURA: Maybe it was lying to you.

SAM: What?

TRAVIS: Lying? I hadn’t thought of that.

MARISHA: Is that all you have, Pike? That’s all you can find out?

MATT: “You have to take it to somebody who knows it or spend some time with it, perhaps.”

LAURA: How about this, how about nobody ask the skull any more questions?

MARISHA: Yeah, no one touch the– Is it just laying on the floor right now?

MATT: Just laying right there, off to the side.

SAM: Put it in the Bag of Holding?

LAURA and MARISHA: No.

LAURA: I don’t like evil things in the Bag of Holding. We have lots of weird things in there, I don’t know how it’ll react.

TALIESIN: I’m going to pull out my sword and pick it up by the eye socket.

MATT: The empty one? Okay. You lift it up.

TALIESIN: I’m going to carry it on a stick.

LAURA: Should we put a cloth over it?

SAM: Yeah, that might look a little weird.

TALIESIN: It’s going to look weird with a cloth over it, but please, go ahead.

MATT: Okay. Vex, as you approach it and go to throw the cloth over it, you get a brief view of the gem that’s in the socket. And where there was a slight shimmer to its surface when it was looking to before, you can now see briefly what looks like some sort of a ghostly face appears across the surface for a second and then fades.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

MATT: You throw it over it.

LAURA: That thing’s alive. That is definitely alive.

TRAVIS: What, the skull?

LAURA: No, no, no. There’s definitely something in that stone. It looked at me.

SAM: Well, that’s creepy. Can we take it to someone; who do we know? Not Gilmore, this is beyond–

LAURA: Allura? She’s not here, she’s–

MATT: Allura’s in Whitestone right now.

SAM: If only we had some way to magically transport to Whitestone.

TALIESIN: We do actually have a way of magically transporting to Whitestone.

SAM: Yes. We do. Could you go?

LAURA: Oh. Just one of us though.

SAM: Yes, you.

LAURA: Can you transport items with it?

TALIESIN: As long as they’re on you, as long as you’re holding them.

MARISHA: But Percy, to be fair, you’ve had a bit of a weakness with, you know, evil entities being attached to you.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Besides, if it grants a wish. I get the fucking wish.

LAURA: You get the wish, Grog, you sure get the wish.

MARISHA: No, it’s not going to– It’s not granting anyone’s wish.

SAM: We could send Pike with it?

MARISHA: I mean, if want to sleep a day, we can all just bamf back. We can tree stride back to Whitestone, if we want to take a nap.

LAURA: That’s true.

SAM: Wait, we’re going to sleep with this skull in our house?

MARISHA: Well, I’ve already spent my one 6th-level spell turning us into fucking clouds.

SAM: You didn’t turn me into a cloud.

LAURA: Or me.

MARISHA: Yeah. Honestly, if I would’ve turned everyone into a cloud–

TALIESIN: We’ll keep it locked in my workshop for now. We can make it a night. And we will make sure that they know we have to deal with the house.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Who has to deal with the house?

LAURA: I’m going to go speak to Uriel and see if I can tell him what just happened.

SAM: You by yourself?

LAURA: You can all come with me.

SAM: All right.

TALIESIN: I’ll actually– I’ve got a great idea.

SAM: Oh. We’ll leave the skull with Uriel.

TALIESIN: I’ll take the skull to Whitestone, and I’ll see you in the morning.

LAURA: No.

SAM: After you’ve been corrupted by it?

LAURA: How about we all go together to Whitestone?

TALIESIN: I was just thinking it’ll be a way of getting the skull out of the house tonight.

LAURA: Yeah, but then it’ll be in Whitestone.

SAM: We’ll leave the skull in this house–

TALIESIN: That’s a very fair point. We’re not leaving– I don’t think that’s a good idea.

LAURA: No.

MARISHA: What, hang on, Grog. You were–

LAURA: Why did you run the skull out of the house?

MARISHA: Yes. Exactly.

TRAVIS: I told you. The house is evil. The portal has to be crushed.

SAM: Wait, that part’s true?

MARISHA: The portal has to be crushed?

TRAVIS: It’s an evil portal. Yeah.

SAM: Who told you that?

TRAVIS: The skull did.

SAM: Oh, in addition to the wish? Oh.

LAURA: I don’t know. Maybe the skull was trapped in the house. Maybe it wanted to get out of the house.

SAM: It’s like a genie.

TRAVIS: Don’t look at me. I’m just the translator.

SAM: Oh, this is weird. We need some help on this.

MARISHA: Why was it talking through you, Grog? Why not Pike?

TALIESIN: I think we’ll get answers from Allura.

MARISHA: If you can ask it questions, maybe we could ask it a few more questions?

TRAVIS: I’m okay with that.

SAM: No. It will hypnotize us and corrupt us.

TRAVIS: It’s in a knapsack.

LAURA: I think we should hide it and then open it up when we’re in front of Allura.

TALIESIN: That’s fair.

MARISHA: What time is it?

MATT: Right now, it’s mid-afternoon. Two, three o'clock in the afternoon.

TALIESIN: Let’s let Uriel know what’s happened.

SAM: We’ll go on a quick pub crawl.

TALIESIN: I’ve got to get home and work on a few things, anyway. I’ve got a broken gun.

MARISHA: I guess I’ll go with Percy and take the skull, and I’ll make sure we put it somewhere safe in the keep, if you guys want to go talk to Uriel.

LAURA: Pike? Grog? What do you guys want to do?

TRAVIS: What do we want to do, Pike?

MATT: “I don’t know. We wanted to go talk to Uriel.”

MARISHA: Do you want to come with us, Pike? Do you want to be with the skull, Pike, or do you want to go talk to Uriel?

MATT: “I should walk with you with the skull.”

TALIESIN: Yes, I think that would be best.

SAM: Before we all part ways, can we do a quick accounting of the gold?

LAURA: We can’t just count it right here.

TALIESIN: We’ll count it back when we’re–

LAURA: Away from your friends, but back at the keep.

SAM: All right. Fair enough.

MATT: Okay. So, as you guys make your way back to Greyskull Keep with the skull, keeping it properly covered so you’re not walking through the city with a giant gold skull at the end of a sword. You head towards the palace. You make your way through the front to the outer doors. The throne room is currently closed, and there is heavy guard up, and upon you approaching, “I’m sorry. Do you have business with Uriel?”

LAURA: Not at the moment.

MATT: “All right.”

LAURA: But we will, once you tell him that we’re here.

MATT: “All right. Hold on.” He steps inside. The doors close. About two minutes pass. The guard comes back out. “I’m terribly sorry. Uriel currently is in a very heated discussion and cannot take guests at the moment. Would you like me to relay a message?”

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: Yes, but we would like to write it down first.

SAM: Actually, while you were gone– And I cast Friends on him. While you were gone, other guards came by and said we were clear to go in.

MATT: You can go ahead and make a deception check with advantage.

SAM: Natural 20.

MATT: He goes, “Other guards? Uriel himself just told me I can’t let anyone inside.”

LAURA: Oh, they must have seen him right after you saw him.

MATT: “All right, fine.” And he opens the door. You guys walk in, and there you see the entirety of the rest of the Council of Tal'Dorei. You see Tofur Brotorus, you see Seeker Asum, you see– what the hell is his name? The other guy. Arbiter Brom. They’re all gathered in this discussion. Uriel looks up immediately and says, “I’m sorry, we’re not taking any–”

LAURA: We heard there was a council meeting.

MATT: “Technically, no, but yes, what is your business?”

LAURA: We’re here because there’s a council thing?

SAM: We’re here to report a security concern of the utmost importance and urgency to you.

MATT: There’s a long, internalized sigh. Not out of frustration, just more out of being lost in thought and a little sad. He goes, “All right. Very well.”

LAURA: Is everything all right, Uriel?

MATT: “Everything’s fine. What would you like to bring to the council?”

SAM: Are we among friends here and free to talk in front of everyone?

MATT: He looks around. “These are my trusted advisors and my trusted palace guard. Yes.”

SAM: We’ve been alerted to some evil afoot in your kingdom yet again. The former Krieg’s homestead has been vacant for a while and apparently has a portal to an evil realm inside. We went to investigate, acting on a tip from–

LAURA: An old friend.

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: And discovered that it was, in fact, true. The owner that was missing has been killed.

MATT: “So, Krieg’s estate, which was sold off after his disappearance over a year ago, you’re telling me contains some sort of evil portal.”

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: “Was this built by the new owner?”

LAURA: No, I believe it was built by Krieg.

MATT: “Built by Krieg? How are you certain of this?”

SAM: Our informant told us as much. We don’t want to give his name.

LAURA: It seems rather old, this portal.

MATT: “Where is Krieg now?”

LAURA: I have no idea.

MATT: “All right. Well, we’ll send a security force to keep a very close eye on the house while it is investigated.”

SAM: It’s extremely magically dangerous. They should not set foot inside the place at all.

LAURA: Incredibly dangerous. It might be best if we investigate it ourselves.

MATT: “All right, if you’d like. I was going to wait until Allura returned and I was going to assign her to it, but if you feel confident, then I will leave the investigation in your hands.”

LAURA: Thank you.

SAM: Will you notify us when she returns?

MATT: “I will.”

SAM: Is there anything else?

LAURA: No. You all look quite lovely today, and we will leave you to your business.

MATT: Asum chuckles a little bit. The rest of them acknowledge, Tofor gives a nod, and Uriel closes his eyes for a second and rubs his temple and goes, “I appreciate the information. If you please, we have matters to discuss.”

SAM: Just real quick before we leave. I’m sorry. I think I had a burrito. Can I just use a facility inside? A restroom or something?

MATT: “Certainly.”

SAM: Thank you.

LAURA: I’ll wait for him.

SAM: Just wait out of earshot.

LAURA: Far away.

MATT: “Thank you.” They wait as you guys leave the chambers. The guards close the doors, and you’re welcome to go. There are a number of various WCs, water closets, throughout the palace.

LAURA: They closed the doors?

SAM: They closed the doors?

MATT: They’re not going to let you crap in the middle of the throne room!

LAURA: No, but I thought I could wait in the back of the throne room, out of earshot.

MATT: The guards are pushing you out of the throne room. This is a very private meeting.

LAURA: Excuse me, handsy. I’m leaving.

MATT: “Sorry, Miss. Orders of Uriel.” They push you out and close the doors.

SAM: I’ve been in the throne room before?

MATT: You have been, yes.

SAM: Do you have eyes on them?

LAURA: No, they fucking shut me out.

SAM: All right. Give me ten minutes.

LIAM: Do you need a scroll?

SAM: I sit down on the WC.

MATT: Do you take your potion?

SAM: No, I don’t. Instead, I Polymorph into a fly, and I’m going to fly my way to the throne room.

MATT: Okay. All right. You fly through, over to the doors. The front doors?

SAM: Of the throne room?

MATT: How are you getting into the throne room?

SAM: The doors are closed, yes?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Is there any gap at all?

MATT: There is a slight gap on the bottom.

SAM: Okay, I’m going to crawl in there.

MATT: As you come by, one of the guards swings at you. You dodge out of the way without issue and make your way underneath the doors and raise your flight pattern.

LAURA: I start chatting up the guards on the outside of the door to distract them a little bit.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw.

SAM: Dexterity? Oh, no, someone’s got a fly swatter! Ten?

MATT: Okay. As you cruise in for a moment, you can see the throne room itself, in its round pattern, has designs carved into the walls, almost like Celtic knots. There are a number of these designs right towards the sides of each entrance that previously just looked like a design, but they emit a dull glow for a second, and a burst of arcane energy comes out from them. You find your form immediately unfurl into that of Scanlan the gnome, which then plops back onto the ground, your Polymorph spell dispelled. All of a sudden, the talk stops and the entire council turns back towards the entrance as you’re catching yourself on the ground.

LIAM: Surprise!

SAM: That one’s full. The one that I tried to go into? It’s full and it needs a big cleaning.

MATT: “Good to know, Scanlan.”

SAM: I thought there was another one this way.

MATT: “There isn’t, Scanlan.”

SAM: Not through there, or anything? All right. Carry on, then. You should send someone up to service it, though, right away.

MATT: He looks over to Tofor, and Tofor goes–

SAM: It’s a matter of security.

MATT: “We’ll have it done. Thank you, Scanlan. Now, please.”

SAM: Okay. Two lefts and a right, and I’m out? Thank you.

LIAM: Matt’s got to be using Botox, because he didn’t move!

(laughter)

MATT: Yeah, you gather, due to recent events, that the magical defenses have been reinstated, with the current circumstances. The doors open again, and Vex, as you turn, you see Scanlan being led out of the doors.

LAURA: Scanlan, what are you doing here?

SAM: Shat all over my plans. Let’s go home, I guess.

MATT: All right. You guys make your way back to Greyskull Keep. Vax is there, waiting.

LIAM: No, I’m not.

MATT: Oh, you didn’t go back to the keep?

LIAM: Nope.

LAURA: I tell some guards on the way out just to block off that house and not let anybody in it. Don’t go inside, on your life.

MATT: “Noted. The order just came through. Don’t worry. We’re gathering a troop specifically for this. Don’t worry.”

LAURA: Not a lot of troops. Just a couple of dudes is good.

MATT: “Very well.”

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: As you’re leaving, you can see there are a few armed individuals, four, approximately, that are moving towards the house to stand guard and inspect the exterior, at the very least. You return to Greyskull Keep. You guys get there, as well. Grog, you return on your own, essentially, at this point, unless you’re walking with them with the skull. Vax is nowhere to be found. You do find that Dr. Dranzel, that whole team is gone, except for Zed.

SAM: The drummer?

MATT: Yes. Zed is currently having a little bit of ale in the dining room area, along with Jarett, who was assigned to watch over while they’re at the keep. As you step inside, they all notice. Jarett, still with his crossbow loaded in his lap, though he’s happy and jovial and conversational with Zed. “Ah, you’ve returned. Good to see all of you in good health. The rest have left into the city.”

SAM: Did they say why? For a performance?

MATT: Zed leans forward and goes, “Actually, it appears that Kaylie got in some sort of a serious bar tussle last night and is currently being held in the stocks. The stockade. I get those words confused. Stockade.” He takes a sip of his ale. The rest of the troupe’s going to see if they can get her out.”

SAM: All right, good to know. Thanks, Zed.

LAURA: Jarett?

MATT: “Yes?”

LAURA: Any issues while we were gone?

MATT: “No issues, actually. They were good conversationalists. They were very aware of my disposition, and I kept a very close eye on any movement, preventing them from leaving the room unless they were as a group, except for their exit, in which Zed escorted me. There have been no problems.”

LAURA: Good man. I pat him on the shoulder.

TRAVIS: She’s in the stockade. Only problem is getting caught. I like her style. Should we get her out?

SAM: I’d like to, very much, but I don’t know how. We can’t just barge in there and break someone out of jail. We’re known people.

LAURA: Don’t you have your sheriff badge?

LIAM: (laughs) Well-remembered.

TRAVIS: Yeah, can’t we post a bond or something?

SAM: It’s customs, not sheriff.

LAURA: Call the council.

MARISHA: Well, it sounds like they’ve already– they’re sending other people to get her out. What’s the big deal?

SAM: Yeah, but they could make the problem worse.

LAURA: Those guys? They’ll make it worse.

SAM: She’s quite special to me. I think we should– I think I should go and try to get her out.

MARISHA: Oh, she’s 'quite special’ to you, yeah?

TRAVIS: There’s one place I haven’t done it, and it’s in a prison.

SAM: Not, not in that way.

(laughter)

SAM: That’s creepy. No, not in that way.

MARISHA: Why is that creepy?

SAM: I’m not interested in her in that way.

MARISHA: But you were courting her two days ago.

SAM: Things have changed.

MARISHA: I thought she spent the night in your room.

SAM: She’s a good person and she deserves much better than the likes of me–

TALIESIN: That’s never stopped you before.

LAURA: Don’t say that, Scanlan. You’ve got a cube!

MARISHA: That’s true.

SAM: It’s a rather large cube, but, listen, all right, she’s– she’s– we’re related. We’re related.

MARISHA: What?

SAM: And I don’t just mean–

MARISHA: Wait, what?

SAM: She’s a Shorthalt.

TRAVIS: Like a cousin?

LAURA: Like a sister?

MARISHA: Like an aunt?

TALIESIN: Like a mother?

SAM: Like a baby. Like a baby Shorthalt.

TRAVIS: Whose baby?

SAM: (high-pitched 'hee’ sound)

TRAVIS: 'He’?

(laughter)

SAM: Listen, don’t spread the word around. I don’t want my cred to be ruined, but… she’s my little girl.

LAURA: You dog!

TRAVIS: You’re a baby daddy?

SAM: I didn’t know this, this is new information. I’m still just adjusting to it.

TRAVIS: Holy shit!

MARISHA: You tried to sleep with your baby daddy?

SAM: No I didn’t.

TRAVIS: Did you lock that up that night?

SAM: No, I did not! I did not try and sleep with her. I think deep down inside, some part of me knew, which is why I gave her all that gold. I think.

TRAVIS: You paid her for it?

SAM: No! Oh, Grog, please!

(laughter)

SAM: I may deserve that but no, no. It’s not like that at all.

LAURA: Then you didn’t know. There’s no part of you that knew you had any children.

SAM: I mean, I always knew that was a possibility, in the trade I deal in. MATT: At this point Zed breaks in and goes, (chuckles) “Indeed!”

SAM: All right. Easy. Listen, drummer–

MATT: “It’s Zed.”

SAM: You can be replaced easily. When I played with them, we had seven drummers in two years. And I killed two of them.

(laughter)

MATT: He sets his drink down and pushes it away. “Should I go?”

SAM: No, just stay and shut up.

TRAVIS: I’ll take that, though. I take his drink.

MARISHA: Oh, wow. Well, that’s–

SAM: Yes, I don’t quite know how to act or behave now. And I’m going through a crisis of conscience and identity. I’m sorry; I’m off my game right now. But she’s related to me.

LAURA: Just make sure that she knows that you love her. And make sure that she knows that you’re there for her.

MARISHA: Why do you keep saying she’s 'related to’ you? Why don’t you just call her exactly what she is? Which is your daughter.

SAM: I don’t know. Okay, all right.

MARISHA: That’s weird to be like, 'my child is related to me.’

SAM: I’m not good with this stuff. I haven’t done this before, all right? I haven’t really had family for much of my life. And this is a new thing and it’s going to take me some time to adjust and figure out what this means for me. All right? I’ve defined most of my life by the people I’ve slept with and now, this a new part of me that I have to figure out.

LAURA: Well, technically, it’s still defined by–

TALIESIN: I was just thinking that. It’s a redefinition.

LAURA: You could make a really good move of it by helping her get out of the stockade.

SAM: I would like to. But I’ll need some help, probably. I don’t know if we can all go barge in there.

LAURA: Trinket.

MATT: (bear grunts)

LAURA: Scanlan needs help

MATT: Trinket lumbers over to you and (slurp). Licks the side of your face. (bear groan) Leans into you. Nearly pushing you off your feet from the sheer mass.

SAM: (laughs) Thanks, Vex. Trinket, I’m okay for right now. But maybe you can help best by staying here and looking after the drummer here and making sure.

MATT: (growls) Just growls at Zed, who stands up. “I’m just here to make sure that we continue our deal when they return. I’m not– I don’t– I just play the drums.”

LAURA: You do a good job of it. Keep drinking that ale.

TRAVIS: I give it back.

MATT: “I–” Takes the empty and goes and refills it from a nearby cask.

SAM: I know it’s late in the day, but I wouldn’t mind going right away. Does anyone want to join me?

TRAVIS: Do you want all of us? Or a smaller party?

SAM: Probably just a smaller party. Don’t we have business to attend to here? Gold to count and–

LAURA: I can stay and count.

TRAVIS: I can stay with her.

MARISHA: Who do you want to take? You pick your dodgeball team.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

LAURA: Ooh, I like it.

TALIESIN: Yes.

SAM: Well to get out of a stockade, we’ll need some cunning. And cunning– And cunning.

TRAVIS: Go ahead and ask.

SAM: I wish Vax were here.

TRAVIS: Don’t we have earrings?

SAM: You know what, we are but they have a range.

LAURA: They do have a range.

SAM: Come in, Vax. Earth to Vax. Tune in Tokyo.

MATT: Approximately where are you right now?

MARISHA: So many secrets!

MATT: I love the whispers!

SAM: He’s gone to Whitestone!

MATT: All right, there is no response. He really is out of range.

SAM: Percy, I need you for your words, and Keyleth for your magic. Let’s go.

MARISHA: All right.

LAURA: We’re useless.

MARISHA: Can I heal myself up first?

SAM: Sure, if you’ve got a little left for me. Wait, I can give us–

MARISHA: Oh wait, Pike! Will you hook us up?

MATT: “Yeah,” And she goes over and–

TALIESIN: I’m going to try and do a quick repair to my gun, also.

MATT: Okay, go for it. She throws down a couple of Cure Light Wounds. She’s going to do 3rd level to each of you.

MARISHA: Dope.

MATT: Of Cure Wounds. This’ll be 3d8 plus five to each of you. So 23 to you, and 21 to you, Scanlan. She’ll do a third one to you, Keyleth. Because you’re looking pretty rough, right Keyleth?

MARISHA: Huh?

MATT: You’re looking pretty rough?

MARISHA: I’m at 65 now, with that. So I’m still 30 under.

MATT: So on top of that you get another 13. Pike’s going to stay with you guys.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

MATT: All right, so. While you guys count the gold and what you managed to gather, you find in the–

LAURA: Out of sight of Zed! Just so you know.

MATT: Not a worry. You manage to pull from the hoard entirely, out of gold, silver, copper, platinum, the equivalent of 4,150 gold pieces.

TRAVIS: Wow.

LIAM: There was another 20 or 30g there.

LAURA: I know, right?

LIAM: Probably.

SAM: We can go back.

MARISHA: How much? 4,000?

MATT: 4,150 gold.

TRAVIS: You don’t want to go back in there.

MATT: About 1,050 gold worth of gems.

LAURA: 1,050.

MATT: Yep, in gems. Mark that. And about 750 gold approximately of art items, knick knacks, things that you would have to find a specific seller to really get the money for them.

LAURA: (singing) Knick knacks.

SAM: Tchotchkes.

MATT: Yeah, like small jade statues, bits of jewelry…

LAURA: And how much in platinum?

MATT: Well, the gold equivalent of platinum is what it would be. The total amount is 4,000. But nice try. All right, so. You guys make your way– After asking around a bit, you figure the closest stockade is the Promenade stockade.

SAM: Oh, there’s multiple stockades.

MATT: There are. But that’s the one that’s closest to the keep and the first place you should start. So you make your way towards the Promenade stockade. It’s a fairly grim-looking grey stone building on the outskirts of Abdar’s Promenade, which is a very, very, bombastic, colorful gathering of tents and buildings and various shopkeeps. As you walk to the outside of it, approaching, you can see immediately, there on the steps, is most of Dr. Dranzel’s troupe, just sitting on the outside steps with two guards at the door. And they’re all talking amongst themselves, waiting outside. Dr. Dranzel is not amongst them. As you begin to step closer–

SAM: He got nabbed, too, didn’t he?

MATT: (laughs) As you step closer, you can see they wave you down, and they recognize you and approach you with an excited look on their face as if they now have some sort of backup.

MARISHA: I’m going to whisper to Scanlan. I’m going to say, I’m going to stay back. You go ahead.

SAM: All right, thanks.

MATT: So Kent Plucker approaches you as you approach and goes like, “Scanlan. Good thing you’re here. I think we may need your silvered tongue to go ahead and help us out in this endeavor. Dr. Dranzel’s inside; he’s been arguing with the warden for quite some time. We’re trying to get Kaylie out.”

SAM: What happened? Why is she in jail?

MATT: “She got in a bit of a bar fight last night, it seems. Messed up quite a few gentlemen and all of them are arrested and being held inside. They’re wanting a bit of change to do the damages and pay for the fine of whatever else she’s done. And, well, we’re not keen on really paying fines, so we’re trying to see how much we can get out of this with our–”

SAM: What’s the fine?

MATT: “I don’t know. We didn’t go in as a full group. The guards wouldn’t let us.”

SAM: Was she injured in any way?

MATT: “I haven’t seen her. You’ll have to go inside to find out.”

SAM: All right. Thank you. You won’t be needed here anymore. You guys can leave.

MATT: They all look at each other. “If it’s fine by you, we’re going to wait for Dr. Dranzel.”

SAM: Oh yes, all right. Percy.

TALIESIN: Yes?

SAM: What do you think our play is here?

TALIESIN: Well–

SAM: Should we go in and pay? Should we do a bit of a ruse? You still have your Hat of Disguise, right?

TALIESIN: Yes, but I think I’m more useful as myself, rather than anybody else.

SAM: Well, you could be a guard taking me in there.

TALIESIN: I think on a certain level, you’re possibly making this more complicated than it needs to be.

SAM: Yeah, but it’s fun, though? No, no, you’re right, we should just go in and talk.

TALIESIN: You forget you have clout. Part of the point of clout is that you spend it. You spend your clout.

SAM: Oh, all right.

TALIESIN: I know you’re not used to actually having the means by which to just simply get what you want by asking for it. But you could just… ask for it.

MARISHA: That was the most privileged thing you’ve ever said.

TALIESIN: That’s the most privileged thing I’ve ever said that you’ve heard.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Touché.

LIAM: Marisha has a high clout score.

SAM: So you think just walk on in there. No subterfuge, no sneaky-sneaky, no breaking down doors?

TALIESIN: Well, a little subterfuge. Let me–

MARISHA: I’ve got Polymorph. I can always be a tiny thing in your pocket.

SAM: Who said that?

MARISHA: Sorry, I’m back here. I figured Percy and I were waiting back here.

SAM: Oh, okay, hi.

TALIESIN: Let me attempt to see if I can defuse this relatively easily. I will need some gold.

SAM: Are you lying to me to get me to pay you for a new gun?

TALIESIN: No, but that’s a very good point. So later I will be asking for some gold to help me fix my new gun.

SAM: All right, I’ll give you what you need.

TALIESIN: All right.

MARISHA: Do you have gold, Scanlan?

SAM: I do.

TALIESIN: Okay, we may have to have a discussion. At the very least I’m going to need 20 gold, at the very least.

SAM: 20?

TALIESIN: 20 gold, at the very least.

SAM: You don’t have 20 gold?

TALIESIN: Oh, I do. Just not for your daughter.

SAM: Oh, Jesus.

(laughter)

SAM: Take 50.

TALIESIN: That will do.

MATT: So you guys approach?

MARISHA: No trips to Coldstone with Percy. You are not the Godfather.

TALIESIN: I will take you to White Castle, though.

MATT: You come to the front steps of the stockade, there are two guards there, with tower shields and what looks like halberds to each of them. One of them steps forward, putting his shield out. Not in an aggressive way, but definitely in an attention-gathering way. “Do you have business here in the stockade?”

TALIESIN: I do; I wish to speak to the warden.

MATT: “The warden is indisposed in conversation at the moment.”

TALIESIN: Well, he will agree to be indisposed in conversation with me. I’m Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III. And I’m here on the business of Whitestone.

SAM: He’s an ambassador.

MATT: Make a persuasion roll. I’ll say with advantage due to the very, very, intense, believable stare of Scanlan backing you up.

TALIESIN: 19.

MATT: He gives a nod. “All right, but good luck.” The two guards open the doors, and as they do you can already hear raised voices shouting back and forth. Can’t really make out the words, but as you step into the inside you can see there is a clerk’s desk. With a clerk sitting there, keeping one ear closed as he’s trying to write in a book. To the immediate right of them, there is Dr. Dranzel in an argument with a gentleman with a well-kept mustache, thick over the top lip, slicked black hair that curls up in the back in a small poof. He’s wearing a breastplate and is standing with an appearance of self-importance. At which point, as you approach, Dr. Dranzel turns and goes, “Oh good. Someone with actual–”

TALIESIN: Shush! Who is this person?

MATT: Everyone gets quiet and the individual standing there goes, “Well apparently, he’s the man who’s bothering me. Hm?”

TALIESIN: What do you do, sir?

SAM: I just throw Dranzel a quick little wink.

TALIESIN: What do you do, sir?

MATT: “I’m a performer.” (slight chuckle)

TALIESIN: Excellent, he’s a performer. You may leave, we have no need of you.

LAURA: (whispered) Oh, shit.

MATT: “Hmph.” He adjusts his hat and–

TALIESIN: Guard, escort the commoner out of the room.

MATT: The guards instinctively step up and take his arms and they lead him out. Dr. Dranzel, taken aback and the whole time he’s looking at Scanlan with this look of like–

SAM: You heard the ambassador; please leave.

(laughter)

MATT: (boom) The doors close behind. The individual steps forward.

TALIESIN: Now that that’s been taken care of, who is an authority that I may speak to?

MATT: “That, I’m afraid, would be me. (sly chuckle) Pleasure to meet you. I’m Warden Cyrus Hume. What is your name?”

TALIESIN: Cyrus Hume. I’m Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III of Whitestone.

MATT: “This does me no service.”

TALIESIN: It will.

MATT: “Hmph.”

TALIESIN: I am, of course, the newly appointed ambassador from Whitestone, and I have been brought down here because apparently you are holding one of my performers. A performer who is meant to be heading towards Whitestone in the next three weeks to perform for my sister.

MATT: “Describe your performer, sir.”

TALIESIN: Oh, small, plain, female. (dismissive sigh)

MATT: (sighs heavily) “I know of the one you speak. The same one we’re arguing– I assume this other individual that just left is one of your performers as well.”

TALIESIN: Yes, he is. He is one of the official performers– they’re supposed to be performing at the new coronation of a brand new temple in Whitestone. Much has been arranged, much has been paid for, and I don’t want to explain any of this to the royal court.

MATT: Make a deception check.

TALIESIN: Casting– no, not yet. 13.

MATT: Okay. He goes–

TALIESIN: If you were to be agreeable to helping us move this along, I would remember the favor. Whitestone would remember the favor.

MATT: “Good. Well, listen. There are fines for damages, or she sits until tried. Now.”

TALIESIN: Damages?

MATT: “The damages to the Nervous Brook pub are estimated to be upwards of 450 gold pieces, and the fine for drunken battery and disturbing the peace amounts to 250 gold pieces. 700 total and I would gladly let you take that rabid dug-grubber off of my hands.”

SAM: You’ll watch what you say about her.

MATT: “Oh, will I?”

TALIESIN: Shush, performer. Well, sir, I appreciate your candor, I appreciate the cut of your jib, and I appreciate that you are a man of honor and of your station. It is very, very rare to find someone who respects such things. Obviously the damages must be paid–

MATT: “If you wish to discuss it with the three in question–” He points to one of the cells on the other side of the room and you can see that there is a set of bars, and you can vaguely see what looks like the shape of a person who’s just slumped in the cell. Mostly cast in shadow.

TALIESIN: Who are they?

MATT: “Bar patrons. And they’re all worse for wear.”

TALIESIN: Do we know what happened?

MATT: “The dog has teeth. Three against one, if the stories say true. The bar patrons and the owner of the establishment all verified that she indeed started and finished it.”

TALIESIN: I don’t care who started or finished it. Obviously, we will pay for the damages out of your troupe’s pocket.

SAM: Your majesty, are you sure you don’t want to write a check from the treasury?

TALIESIN: Quite.

SAM: I’ve got the checkbook with me. We could just write a check.

TALIESIN: We will write a check for our friend’s pocket, but for the damages, I feel that some responsibility must be taken.

MATT: “I’m not familiar with this check you speak of. I deal in gold, as does Emon. What good does this do me in my station if I am to show up with a simple piece of paper?”

TALIESIN: He has a very fair point.

SAM: (whispers) Your brand of subterfuge is not what I had in mind.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: What good is subterfuge when there’s such an opportunity to create a ballad? Some sort of ballad about a cautionary tale.

SAM: I could have picked anyone to be with me here. Not this. You’re rubbing my face in it because I threw your gun in the lava.

TALIESIN: You chose so poorly. You chose so poorly. It is truly impressive how poorly you chose.

MATT: “Stop wasting my time, if you’re going to retrieve this invalid, do so quickly.”

TALIESIN: You may come pick up your gold from Castle Greyskull in the morning. It will be waiting for you, of course, sir. In the meantime, here is 20 gold for your trouble. On top of the gold you will be expecting for all fines imposed.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

TALIESIN: (high-pitched) One.

MATT: He rolled a natural 20.

TALIESIN: All right, bring it. Bring it.

MATT: “Well, I appreciate your attempt to maneuver around my station of which you hold so clear. You seemingly attempt to bribe a warden of the stockade in an attempt to retrieve what appears to be a relatively… How do I put it? Immoral, destitute and feral creature.”

SAM: Warden. This is just like this bastard. He always goes around trying to boss people around and throw his money around. And I turn and I punch Percy in the face.

MATT: Okay! Roll for an attack.

SAM: Oh, shit. Going for another one. A nine. Probably not.

MATT: Plus your strength modifier.

SAM: I don’t have any strength. One, so that’s ten.

MATT: Ten. Percy, do you take it?

TALIESIN: Yes, I take it.

MATT: Okay. Whack! A solid hit across the face. You have to lean into it and make it look more impactful than it really is.

TALIESIN: (overly dramatic) Oh!

SAM: And then I turn around, and I punch a guard.

LAURA: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: Where are you going with this?

MATT: Roll another attack.

SAM: 13.

MATT: 13. You whirl around, and one of the guards is rushing forward to try and break this up, and as you swing towards him, your fist collides with the side of his helmet. It definitely shakes him for a second. It doesn’t do much in the way of damage, but it does kind of hurt your knuckles a little bit. Now the guard’s like, (startled sound) and stumbles back a bit.

SAM: I’ve just had enough with all of you people. We performers demand respect and deserve it as well.

MATT: The warden’s now stepped forward and put his hand on the side of his blade and says, “Am I to understand you walked in here and immediately struck a guard of the stockade?”

SAM: I’ve just had it up to here with being bossed around by people like him.

MATT: “Well, would it make you feel better if he’s thrown in prison?”

SAM: It would.

TALIESIN: It would make me feel better if he was thrown in prison.

MATT: “Oh, don’t worry. You’ll both be going.”

MARISHA: About this time, I come over the earpiece and I go, how’s it going in there, guys?

SAM: Great.

TALIESIN: Great. Everything’s fine.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Good. Just let me know if you need me.

MATT: He looks to the side and two guards now, one of the ones that punched you and another one to the side both step up and are reaching–

TALIESIN: Won’t it be unfortunate when you find out I have diplomatic immunity?

SAM: Diplomatic immunity.

MATT: You both have been manhandled and brought your hands behind. You feel manacles being pulled forth, and the warden’s just looking down upon both of you.

TALIESIN: I blame you for this.

SAM: You should blame me for this. I’m sorry. I just had a really shitty day, all right? He doesn’t deserve this. Let him go. Just take me.

MATT: “Very well. Now.” And you feel the release as the manacles come away. You are escorted out of the room. You are put in shackles, brought, and thrown into the same jail cell as Kaylie.

TALIESIN: All right. How much to get both of them out?

MATT: As you’re being pushed out?

TALIESIN: Yeah. I’ll bring it.

MATT: There’s no answer at the moment. The doors close behind you, and you’re thrust off of four steps. Make an acrobatics check.

MARISHA: They were tossing your ass out.

TALIESIN: 23.

MATT: All right. You manage to catch yourself with a small tumble over the shoulder, land Willy Wonka-style, well stuck. As you’re thrown, you hit the ground. You can see off in the corner of the cell, Kaylie, arms crossed, sitting on the ground. She leans forward a little bit, and you can see the light hits the side of her face, and she has a bit of a welt there and a bit of a black eye, but she doesn’t look too worse for wear.

TALIESIN: Now for the love of God, just wait until nightfall and Dimension Door out of there.

SAM: Did I hear that?

MATT: Yeah, you’d hear that.

SAM: Good idea. Thanks, Percy, for your help.

TALIESIN: You’re welcome. Wait until nightfall.

SAM: Huh? Oh. All right.

MATT: As she leans forward, she goes, “Huh. Like father, like daughter, aye?”

SAM: You could say so. I heard you had quite a night last night at the bar.

MATT: “Hm. Felt good. I like breaking faces.”

SAM: Apparently you’re very good at it. I saw– I got a glimpse of your victims over there.

MATT: (laughs) “They had it coming. Don’t know why, but I had a feeling somewhere in their life, they probably deserved it. Most men do.”

SAM: Yep, you’re right about that. Stay away from all men. Forever.

MATT: “They were fuckwits. Their faces were so punchable.”

SAM: I know that feeling. Listen, I’ve come to get you out of here.

MATT: (laughs) “Apparently you’ve not done that very well.”

SAM: Don’t worry. I’ve still got some tricks up my sleeve. Just wanted to make sure you’re all right. Did they hurt you in any way?

MATT: “Only one person’s really hurt me recently.”

LIAM: Cold as ice.

MATT: “Look, Scanlan. Father. I spent a lifetime hating you. I’d imagined the moment we would finally meet for so long, planned it out in my head, had it all worked out. My idea of you, what you’d be like, what you’d say, and you know what? Up until last night, I was pretty spot-on. I don’t know what I wanted. I have a lot to process, to think about. But I’d prefer not to do it in this dank cell, so if you have a way out, please, now’s the time to do it.”

SAM: You think now? All right, is anyone watching?

MATT: There are two guards that are not watching directly, but they’re muscled up against the bars and keeping an eye over the shoulder. SAM: I’ll need a distraction. Do you think you can come up with one?

MATT: Her eyes turn for a second and she goes, (chuckles) “I think that can be done.” She leans up to the side of the bar and peeks her head out for a second. Closes her mouth, cups it with her hand, and you start hearing from the opposite side of the room, through arcane ventriloquism, these three different male voices going, “I’ll fuck you up!” You hear punches and you hear all of this screaming and chaos. At which point, the two guards look over. One of them gives the other a motion, and they both run off to see the other side of the room. She looks back at you.

SAM: You’ll have to teach me that trick. And then I Dimension Door us out onto the street.

MATT: As you reach for her, she still pulls away a little bit, but you still grab hold and (poof) puff of smoke. You guys (magic sound) appear outside, landing a couple of feet above the ground and catch yourselves. You’re off to the side of the stockade where it meets with one of the nearby walls. No one seems to immediately notice you, other than a couple of people that are walking down the street that see two individuals appear out of the ether and land onto the ground.

SAM: All right. Let’s get out of here. Percy, I didn’t wait quite until nightfall.

TALIESIN: I assumed you wouldn’t. We’re already walking back.

SAM: All right, we’ll catch up.

MATT: You guys head back towards Greyskull? All right.

MARISHA: I’m glad I came in handy for that field trip.

SAM: Oh, shit! Burn it down! Burn the stockades down!

LIAM: I’d also like to point out that Grog’s single nut-flick did more damage than your two full-on punches.

(laughter)

MATT: This is true! All right. Eventually, you guys make your way back. As you do, you gather, and about five minutes behind you, the rest of Dr. Dranzel’s troupe arrives, looking a little bit frazzled and a little confused. He steps forward to the rest of you and goes, “I don’t know what you did, but there’s a manhunt for two gnomes right now over by the Promenade. But good on you. Might want to lay low for a little bit.”

SAM: Good thinking.

TALIESIN: The troupe may want to get out of town for a bit, as well.

MATT: “I think that’s the plan. We were going to stay a few more days– we had a couple of gigs lined up, but I think we’ve pressed our luck far enough, so all right! Everyone feeling spectacular?” He claps his hands and the rest of the troupe start grabbing their goods and their instruments and what little cases and bags they do. Kaylie runs off real fast and comes back with her one over-the-shoulder satchel that carries all of her worldly belongings. “Then let us be off.” He gives a little tip of the hat to Scanlan with a nod. Looks to the rest of you. “We greatly appreciate your hospitality. We’re sorry for any confusion, misunderstandings, and general debauchery. Good night to you all.” He turns around and they all start walking out. Kaylie begins stepping and she stops and looks over her shoulder towards you, Scanlan, and says, “Don’t come looking for me. When I’m ready, I’ll come find you.” She turns back around and leaves.

SAM: Oh, shit.

MARISHA: I liked them. They were fun.

TRAVIS: Did you tell her you’re her dad yet?

SAM: That’s not– She figured it out, Grog.

TRAVIS: That’s awkward.

SAM: Yes. Yes, it is.

LAURA: They forgot to grab their gold. I like them!

MATT: That they did, actually.

MARISHA: Maybe they thought we were even?

LIAM: Probably should check the silverware, though, in the keep.

LAURA: Oh. I run and check the silverware.

TALIESIN: I check to make sure the skull is still there.

MATT: The kitchen is cleaned out.

LAURA: No!

MATT: All of the silverware.

LAURA: What about Jarett? He was supposed to be keeping an eye on them.

MARISHA: Yeah, what the fuck? What’s with Jarett?

MATT: Jarett was one man keeping track of multiple people, with one very small, quick child that you were the only one able to keep an eye on.

LAURA: I hate your friends!

MARISHA: They were good drinking buddies.

SAM: They’re all right. They’ve got their good qualities, too.

TRAVIS: Just the silverware’s missing?

LAURA: What about our rooms? Is it just the kitchen that’s cleaned out, or did they take everything in the keep?

MATT: Oh, no, no, no. None of the rooms have been touched, except for the guest room where some of them were staying.

LAURA: There was shit in there, anyway.

MATT: Yeah, there wasn’t much in there, but a couple of candlesticks, things that were just decor. Anything that could possibly be hocked for a little bit of change from those rooms is gone.

LAURA: They don’t know I shopped for everything at Home Goods, so joke’s on them.

MATT: You gather probably no more than two to three hundred gold worth of materials were taken in total. That includes fine cookware, that includes decor, that includes a couple of previous art pieces that you had collected–

TALIESIN: Please tell me they stole the giant painting.

SAM: It’s not here yet.

TALIESIN: Damn it!

MATT: It hasn’t been delivered yet. That’s probably in transit.

TALIESIN: No!

LIAM: And where would it have been hidden on their person?

TALIESIN: They could have rolled it up and stuck it where the sun don’t shine.

MARISHA: A 20 by six foot canvas?

TALIESIN: Some caverns run deep.

SAM: I’m going to check my bed just to see if there’s any shit on it.

MATT: You go and inspect pretty extensively. It does not appear that anyone has left you a Scanlan surprise.

MARISHA: Percy and I go downstairs to make sure the skull is still there.

MATT: Skull is still in the workshop, yes.

MARISHA: Beautiful.

MATT: What do you guys want to do right now?

TALIESIN: I’m going to spend some time working on the special barrel and see if I can get that up and running.

MARISHA: What time is it?

MATT: At this point, it’s closing towards dusk.

LAURA: We should heal up and get ready to take this to Whitestone in the morning, yes?

MARISHA: I guess so.

TALIESIN: 18.

MATT: 18? All right. You disassemble elements of the pistol. You get the feeling that the way it’s weighted, to attach the hand mortar to the pistol, it’s still going to continue to be a very unwieldy thing. You are probably best to design them as separate pieces. Unfortunately, the way the pistol’s balanced, for aim and such? The mechanism that’s required to lob an object for the mortar to be able to do any help with is going to throw off your ability to aim much with the pistol, going forward. Not to mention increase the misfire score by crazy amounts. But you could create them both separately and swap out as needed.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: All right. You guys spend the evening. You rest up, you’re back to full health, you’re good to go. As the morning comes around–

TRAVIS: I have a question.

MATT: Yes?

TRAVIS: Can I wait until everyone goes to bed and can I make my way into Percy’s workshop?

TALIESIN: It’s locked.

MATT: As you get to the workshop, you check the door and it is, indeed, locked.

MARISHA: We stashed it.

TRAVIS: What’s the door made of?

MATT: It’s made of solid metal. It was constructed per specifications to be able to withstand concussive blasts in case of accident from the inside.

TRAVIS: Can I try to pick the lock?

MATT: You have no lockpicks.

TRAVIS: Can I shove an axe in the lock hole?

MATT: You can.

SAM: Clang!

MATT: Make a strength check.

TRAVIS: I have a greatsword that’s just a normal greatsword.

LAURA: Are you going to try to shove it in the lock?

TRAVIS: Yeah, like a credit card in the side of the thing. Like a crowbar. That was crap.

MATT: What did you roll?

TRAVIS: Ten.

MATT: Ten. In trying to wedge the sword into the side of the door, you eventually feel a shift as you push. You feel it gives way, and you look and withdraw the greatsword, which is now bent at an angle to the side. Yeah, that sword’s not going to be functional in combat any further.

TRAVIS: All right, I go to bed.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Nothing good ever happens to you in my workshop. It’s just not a good place for you. Too many things.

MATT: All right, so. Morning comes around. You guys come back rested. As you each individually come to consciousness and finding your way down, the first thing you’re met by is a very perturbed Laina, who as soon as you come down, says, “I’m terribly sorry. I went to make breakfast, and there’s nothing to make breakfast with! I don’t know what happened.”

LAURA: It’s okay. Scanlan is going to buy all new stuff for our kitchens.

SAM: I’m supposed to lay low, though.

LAURA: Oh, that’s okay. You can give her all the gold that she needs to buy new things for the kitchen.

SAM: I have only–

LAURA: You have about a thousand gold because I gave it to you.

SAM: I gave 50 to Percy, which you didn’t use.

MATT: To buy basic cooking supplies, it wouldn’t be more than 30 gold to restock the entire kitchen. It was more other elements of the keep.

SAM: Including the silverware?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Oh, great.

LAURA: It wasn’t fancy silverware. It was utilitarian.

MATT: It was decent. It was functional. It was included with the keep.

SAM: All right, here’s 50. Go get us a decent set of silverware.

LAURA: And other things. Or send somebody else, if you’d rather.

MATT: “I’m not much help around here right now, am I? All right.” And she runs off, returning a short time later, with groceries, as well, that she found while she was out. Makes a fresh meal for all of you. Partway through breakfast, there is a knock at the edge of the dining hall, and you see Cordell, your half-orc guardian there. Has his big, heavy crossbow at his side. “Sorry to bother you while you’re eating. You have a messenger who wishes to speak to you at the front gate.”

LAURA: I’ll go.

MATT: “All right. Follow me.”

SAM: Vax never came home last night?

MATT: Did you come home? No? Vax has not showed up yet.

SAM: Should we be worried?

TALIESIN: We’re going to have to collect him before we go.

MATT: As you go to the gate, it’s opened up and you can see there, standing by himself, Seeker Asum. Hood back, bald halfling helm with his tattoos greeting you. He goes, “Hello, Vex.”

LAURA: Hi.

MATT: “I’ve come to request your presence at the Precepts Stage within the Cloudtop District near dusk. All of Vox Machina, this evening, if you don’t mind.”

LAURA: Oh. Well, why?

MATT: “Uriel and I have been in extensive discussion these past few days, and the reveal of Riskel’s betrayal has had a profound effect on Uriel, and rumors have been spreading amongst the district and the higher order of the city. Uriel is to make a statement regarding it and to prevent any political intrigue will talk to the politically inclined populace first. As members of the council, we would like for you to be there to help us based on the reaction. If you would be so kind?”

LAURA: Yes, of course. I’ll tell the rest of the group. We were planning on heading out to Whitestone today, but we can put that off if it’s very important?

MATT: “It’s rather important.”

LAURA: All right. What were you guys fighting about before? Can you tell me?

MATT: “It’s nothing you need to worry about.”

LAURA: Really? It looked kind of serious.

MATT: “I think tonight’s discussion will absolve any questions you have.”

LAURA: Is anybody in trouble?

MATT: “No. You’re fine. You’ve done nothing.”

LAURA: Can I insight check him?

SAM: We should torture him to find out.

TALIESIN: I’m going to shoot off a limb.

LAURA: 23?

MATT: 23? He seems fairly forthright and honest. There is a sense of urgency to him. He’s really insisting you guys be there.

LAURA: Okay. Well, we will be, then.

MATT: “Wondrous. I will notify the rest of the council. I look forward to seeing you this evening.”

LAURA: Yes, if you see my brother anywhere, can you send him home?

MATT: “Yeah, I’ll keep an eye out. I have a network in the city. I can probably locate him within the hour, if need be.”

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: “No worries.” He walks away. As he steps away, you look for a second. You glance away and look back, and he’s gone.

LAURA: He is so sneaky. I need to train with him more.

TALIESIN: Like Batman.

LAURA: I go back and tell everybody what he just told me.

SAM: Oh my god!

LAURA: Right?

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I suppose we’ll have to put it off for a day, then.

SAM: Yes. Is the skull going to be safe here while we’re gone?

TALIESIN: I think so.

SAM: Can it see inside our keep? Can it channel some beast?

TALIESIN: It’s locked very far away right now, in a very secure room.

SAM: But not secure magically.

MARISHA: Yeah. Percy, maybe me and you should make some reinforcements or something?

LIAM: It’s just radioactive material in the basement. It’s fine.

SAM: What if it’s a portal? What if it can send a dragon to us, or a worm or something?

TRAVIS: It did say as long as that house stands, it will be very powerful.

TALIESIN: Well, do you think it would be safer somewhere? Do you think there’s something you could conjure, perhaps, around it? Or should we move it to another room?

LAURA: I feel like your room is very secure.

TALIESIN: We could always send it straight away to Whitestone. But…

MARISHA: But we’d have to put it with someone else, right?

TALIESIN: We’d have to let someone take it to Whitestone. It could be there today. Or we could keep it in my room, or we could move it perhaps into the temple of Sarenrae?

LAURA: Maybe… how many times can you use that little tree thing, Keyleth?

MARISHA: Once a day.

LAURA: Fuck.

MARISHA: I know. Or else I would totally run it over and run it back.

TALIESIN: Oh. But you can run it over and run back.

MARISHA: Oh, if I use your thing?

SAM: If you, if you go there, take the stone from his sister and you can come right back.

LAURA: Yeah, take the stone from his sister and come back.

MARISHA: I could.

LAURA: Let her know it’s useless after the one use.

SAM: Well, let’s not lie to Percy’s sister. (laughs)

TRAVIS: Is it safe in Whitestone? I mean, the temple of Sarenrae is at least here.

LAURA: Got a good idea. What if you go, you don’t take the skull, you tell Allura what’s going on, bring her back with you through the tree!

SAM: We keep summoning Allura to solve our magical problems. We brought her to Whitestone and now we’re bringing her back?

LAURA: She’s really, really smart!

SAM: All right…

LAURA: She can go right back, you can send her right back.

MARISHA: What if she doesn’t come?

LAURA: Well, then you come back–

MARISHA: I’d be using a 6th-level spell as a glorified messenger? 'Hey, we found a scary skull.’

SAM: Hey, you used it yesterday for no reason, too.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Wow! Oh my god.

TRAVIS: (high-pitched) The sickest burn. That’s the sickest burn! Oh fuck!

TALIESIN: And somehow the coffee has not been poured on your head. That’s the greatest magic trick I’ve seen all night. How are you still dry? It’s witchcraft.

MARISHA: You know what, Scanlan, why don’t you figure out how to get the damn skull back to Whitestone by yourself, how’s that?

TALIESIN: Why don’t we just let it be in the room for now– Let’s let it be in the room for now, nothing happened last night.

MARISHA: Nothing happened last night, but it seems like a ticking time bomb.

TALIESIN: I’m going down, I have to go get my things anyway, so I’m going to go down. Everything seems fine, doesn’t it?

MATT: Untampered, room seems left as it was.

LAURA: It doesn’t seem tampered with at all, the door?

TALIESIN: The door is steel reinforced, lined and bolted to the wall; it’s not going anywhere. This room is designed to explode.

MARISHA: I mean, I could– all right.

LAURA: Maybe we should make sure there’s, like, fabric over it.

TALIESIN: It’s hidden in the room.

TRAVIS: Maybe we should go in and check on it.

MARISHA: I could Wall Of Stone another kind of box around it.

TALIESIN: I go into the room, I shut the door behind me. I check my hiding place.

MATT: Untouched.

TALIESIN: And it’s untouched and perfectly reasonable. I return it to my hiding place. Which, if I have to reveal it later, I will happily tell you where it’s hidden. Shut and lock the door behind me. Everything’s fine.

TRAVIS: That’s a relief.

TALIESIN: Let’s find your brother.

MARISHA: All right. I guess we’re staying in town.

SAM: We’re leaving the skull?

MARISHA: Seems okay.

SAM: (laughing) Let’s at least post Jarett here.

MARISHA: Yeah, let’s post someone here, I guess.

MATT: Jarett’s already, by the way, off to the side listening to this whole conversation.

SAM: Do you ever sleep, Jarett?

MATT: “I sleep when I’m not needed. But it seems right now I am needed, and I am more than happy to stand guard. It’s what you pay me for.”

SAM: You’re so cool.

LAURA: You’re seriously the coolest guy.

MARISHA: Yeah, you’re great.

MATT: “You’re being absolutely ridiculous. Continue.”

(laughter)

TALIESIN: If anything strange happens, make note of it.

MATT: “Of course.”

MARISHA: Don’t let anyone in or out.

TALIESIN: Well, he can’t, he doesn’t have the key anyway.

MATT: “No. This is true.”

MARISHA: I’m just saying.

MATT: “It’ll be done.”

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: “All right.”

MARISHA: Okay?

MATT: “Okay.”

LAURA: We need to give him a raise.

MATT: “Yes, you do.”

SAM: Why don’t you just take it from my money?

TALIESIN: I throw ten gold at him right now, just in lieu of– I throw ten gold.

MATT: “Very generous of you, Percival.”

TALIESIN: It’s the very least.

MATT: And he sets up his chair in the far corner, staring at the door again, and sets his crossbow over his shoulder and just sits waiting.

TALIESIN: Let’s go find your brother.

MATT: Now, Vax, what are you up to?

LIAM: I mean, I’m assuming– I didn’t go there to find anything, but I went just to think, and I didn’t see anything by chance, no?

MATT: Nope. You detect no movement inside whatsoever. Dark windows over the course of the evening, no sign.

LIAM: All right, well, I guess I’ll go back to the keep.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And I will sit up. No one’s there? I’ll sit up in my sister’s room.

MATT: All right. Well, as you guys are walking back–

LIAM: Stealth, please. I’m not walking in the open.

MATT: All right, make a stealth check.

LIAM: 27.

MATT: 27? All right. All of you that are out looking for him, make a perception check.

MARISHA: 29.

TALIESIN: 18.

MATT: As you guys spend a good portion of the morning scouting about the usual paths that you take as a group, knowing the back alleys and the various paths that you walk through Emon to ensure that you avoid the main thoroughfares and the most-used walkways, as you’re glancing about you see a quick shadow shift past about the size of the individual you are seeking.

TALIESIN: (puffs air) Sorry.

MATT: You look over and you see Vax dart off around the corner and dodge down an alleyway.

MARISHA: Vax? Vax!

MATT: You faintly hear Keyleth’s voice behind you.

LIAM: Not now, Kiki. And I just keep going.

LAURA: Did you find him?

MARISHA: Nope.

LAURA: Vax!

MATT: You guys spend the better part of the day searching for him. Asking questions, nobody has an idea. A few individuals try and squeeze some gold out of you. You eventually manage to gather they have no idea what they’re talking about. By about early afternoon, two o'clock in the afternoon, you eventually make your way back to the keep, figuring that he’ll find his way back if he doesn’t want to be found. Upon arrival, the guards also haven’t seen him. But once you go up to your room to get into more comfortable attire, your brother is sitting inside your room, waiting.

LAURA: Well, there you are. What’s going on?

LIAM: Look, everything’s fine. All right?

LAURA: I believe you. Fully.

LIAM: Everything’s fine. I just don’t know what we’re doing, anymore.

LAURA: What do you mean?

LIAM: I don’t know what we’re doing, I don’t know why we’re doing it. I don’t know! I’ve just been thinking about it, I mean, what is the point of our lives?

LAURA: Well, that’s a very deep question.

LIAM: Yeah. It’s fine, let’s go. I don’t know what I missed. I can go wherever everybody wants to go.

LAURA: No. (sigh) Sit down! Seems like a problem in your mind. Are you mad because we’re stealing gold? Are you mad because everybody’s running off in directions and you can’t keep up? Are you mad because you almost died?

LIAM: No. When it was just you and me, I knew what we were doing. We were just trying to survive.

LAURA: Right! That’s really all we’re doing now, just on a grander scale.

LIAM: (sighs) We’re running into this shit on purpose now. Which is all right, when there’s reason. I don’t always know why we’re doing the things we do. It was fun, breaking into that house. I’m good at it!

LAURA: Yes, you are.

LIAM: I don’t know why we did it! I don’t know why I’m working with a large fucking beast of a man who seems to despise me. Day after day.

LAURA: He doesn’t despise you.

LIAM: The fuck he doesn’t. I don’t know why we’re doing it. I don’t know why we’re with most of these people! And I love these people, but I don’t know why we’re doing it! And I just want you to think about a little bit too. And I walk out the door.

LAURA: I get ready for the evening.

MATT: Okay. As the sun draws across the sky, pushing towards dusk as the light blue begins to turn to a somewhat purplish-orange hue, you all gather your materials, whatever attire you wish to bring, and make your way towards the Cloudtop District. Anyone wish to do anything else?

LIAM: I’m going through my vast array of cloaks.

(laughter)

LIAM: And I’m taking the other one. And putting of all my many two cloaks, I’m going to put the other one on.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Can I swing by Gilmore’s and just see if he or– Sherri works there?

MATT: Sherri works there.

SAM: Sherri works there, if they’re around?

MATT: Going to ask. Sherri kinda greets you as you enter and goes, “Hello, Scanlan. Gilmore is back in Westruun, weeks away from opening his new establishment, but can I help you?”

SAM: Two things. One, when he returns, he made me a potion, a while back. I’m running a bit low. It was a scrying sort of thing. When he gets back, maybe he can whip me up another batch for next time I come pay a visit, but also– oh, yes?

MATT: She puts up her hand for a second and walks off through the beaded curtains in the back, and comes back with Gilmore.

SAM: Oh!

MATT: Gilmore steps forth. “Terribly sorry, Scanlan, trying to keep business right now kind of on the DL. There’s a special event tonight.” And you see how dressed up he is. “I imagine, being part of the council, you’re probably invited too.”

SAM: Yes, I was just going there now.

MATT: “Oh, well, I’ll accompany you!”

SAM: All right, we’ll save business for another day.

MATT: “Well, what business did you have?”

SAM: I just wondered– I may want to try to find someone at some point tonight. I don’t know how.

MATT: “Hmm, scrying. We’ve had this conversation before.”

SAM: Yes, but a different sort, a less fecal sort.

MATT: “Not going to lie, I’m very glad to hear that.”

LIAM: Fecal matters.

SAM: I don’t know how to scry, I don’t know how to find someone or what I need. I may have a hair strand or two, but I don’t have much to go on.

MATT: “That should be plenty. If I can’t help you, I know a few that might be able to.”

SAM: All right.

MATT: “But! Nevertheless.” And he adjusts his collar and he’s very, very well dressed in his long, deep navy robes, a high collar that nips at the side of his neck. “Shall we?”

SAM: Absolutely. You lead!

MATT: He leads you out towards the Cloudtop.

TRAVIS: Could I have also gone to Gilmore’s?

MATT: If you’d like to.

SAM: Oh! Oh, Grog! Oh, Jesus!

TRAVIS: No no no, just, we go in together and when he’s talking to Gilmore, I find one of the lesser clerks and I say: Do you sell lockpicks here?

MATT: The other clerk is probably a new hire, you haven’t seen him here before. Young, early 20s, very, very thin hair, kind of waify. “Lockpicks? This isn’t–”

TRAVIS: Yeah, you know. I keep locking myself in the shitter and I’m really tired of asking people to come let me out. It’s really–

MATT: “I wish I could help. Those are outlawed, I’m sorry. That’s not really–”

TRAVIS: Look, I’ve got these huge clumsy-fuck hands. Is there anything you could give me, maybe magical, that would just keep me from being embarrassed in front of my friends? It smells so bad and then they all come and the door opens and it’s just awful!

MATT: As you’re getting closer and closer to him, this, looming goliath who’s feigning fear and worry in his face, the guy just retracts. “I’m sorry! I don’t– We’re closing shop!”

TRAVIS: No, do you have like a wand or a potion or like, a thing–

MATT: “Good night!” And he runs up the stairs to the second floor.

TRAVIS: Fucking shit.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Lovely goods you have here. I’ll let myself out.

MATT: “We’ll come with you don’t worry!” He puts his other arm out.

TRAVIS: All right.

MATT: The three of you arm in arm.

LIAM: He’s currently like this.

MATT: Yeah! He’s, like, lifted.

SAM: It’s the Wizard of Oz!

MATT: Yeah! You skip along, the rest of you make your way to the Cloudtop, and you make your way around the stage and it’s against the wall, near one of the entrances to the Cloudtop, but on the interior. And you can see there is a rather large stage up against the wall. There is already a crowd gathered. You see merchants, highborn families, political guests, upper-station military, a number of well-dressed representatives from all over Emon have gathered for this. You guys meet up with the rest of the group and you kind of, you know, gravitate. Gilmore gives everyone a quick wave and gives you a respectful nod. “Aha! Yes!” and he wanders off and starts mingling with some of the other guests. Just as the sun vanishes beneath the distant horizon, a procession of palace guards approach the area, the crowd parting, as Uriel arrives with the escort, flanked by his family, and the current inner council of Tal'Dorei with Arbiter Brom, Seeker Asum, Tofor Brotorus. Allura is absent of course, for being in Whitestone. They all step onto the stage along with the guards as well, as cheers and light applause begins to break out. Not crazy go wild, but just like (muted) “Hooray.”

MARISHA: Rich people clapping, sure.

MATT: Yeah, you know.

MATT: Guards have already set up a few chairs on the stage. Uriel begins to sit on one as his family gathers behind it, and he puts his hand out and motions to everybody to go ahead and hush down. As he does, he stands up from his chair. “Friends and family. Allies of this fair city of Emon. Houses-in-arms to the Tal'Dorei family. Guests, guardians and law-keepers alike. I thank you for coming on such short notice. Now, it has not escaped me that talk spreads quickly within these walls, and rumors only seek to undermine trust. It is true Lord Riskel Daxio, honored member of our council and overseer of development within Emon for many years, has unfortunately passed away. We mourn our friend, and ask you all to respect his legacy enough to not to smear his name. That being said, this was just one of many hardships that has befallen our council and my family this past year. Many that have left me with a terrible burden. We’ve been faced with deceit, and I failed to see it. We’ve been beset with allies in need, and I have been noncommittal in aiding them. We’ve been clouded by demonic powers, and I’ve failed to protect my family. And my responsibility to all of you. I look back at my bloodline, at my father and his father before him, and I plainly see what I am not. These times are different. This wonderful city has grown these past centuries into something grand: a beacon of civilization, here in these lands that my ancestors gave name to. My family has built us up, and I feel that there is little more my family can accomplish for the greatness of these lands. It has outgrown our meager guidance. I did not choose to be your sovereign; it was by blood that I came into this. And I did my very, very best to live up to your expectations. I can see the future of you all and I wish to safeguard it, by leaving it not in one hand, but the hands of many. As of the end of this week, I will be stepping down as your sovereign. The Tal'Dorei bloodline will no longer hold the fate of this realm. We will instead leave the council to rule.” And he looks about at the other council members, on out to you, out to the rest of the group. “There will be a chosen few, exemplary members of our society, who will step up and aid in this task, and join the council as well. You, the peoples of Emon, will be the ones to guide us to a new age of prosperity.” At this point now the claps come in again and some cheers happen. There’s a little bit of confusion in the crowd, but for the most part everyone seems to be into it. At this moment, one of the guards hurries up the side of the stage and, you notice, whispers something into Asum’s ear, who leans over and gives a nod and worried expression. Vex.

LAURA: (giggles) Yay!

SAM: (radio DJ voice) Don’t forget to subscribe to Geek and Sundry, so you can see archives of the show and many others! I don’t even know–

LAURA: Wait.

TRAVIS: It’s hard, right? When one ear’s in and one ear’s out, it’s tough. I was trying to plug it.

SAM: Remember, Liam doesn’t really hate Travis in real life!

(laughter)

LAURA: Wait, wait. As soon as I notice that, I touch Grog and Vax’s shoulders and I point up really fast.

MATT: You look up and– you guys all gather this as well. You can see, piercing out of some of the cloud cover above, what looks to be two fast-moving streaks of color, black and red. They just– (whoosh). And then you can’t see them any more.

LAURA: Could I tell from my favored enemy-ness that it was dragons?

MATT: You can make a hefty perception check if you like to see exactly how much detail you can make out.

TRAVIS: Can I look up, too?

MATT: No. I’m giving her this because of her really high perception.

LAURA: No, that was wrong. 23.

MATT: 23. It’s hard to make out details from this distance. They’re moving quick.

LAURA: One black and one red?

MATT: Uriel now goes, “I am beyond confident that all doubts in the capabilities of those I leave the city to, and more–” And it’s at this point you start hearing bells going off around the city. Tops of walls in the distance. You recognize these. These are warning bells. At which point the crowd starts murmuring and getting nervous, and Uriel puts his hand out. “Please, please. I–”

LAURA: Can I use my Primeval Awareness to see if it’s actually dragons close by?

MATT: Okay. You begin to concentrate on that for the moment. Asum now steps up and says, “Everyone, if I might ask you to all quickly make your way to your respective homes. There is a small emergency we must attend to.” At this point, you guys hear this (whoosh) sound and you turn around just in time to see what looks to be a large, larger than you’ve seen before, white dragon just slam into the side of Allura’s tower in the distance. Claws clunk into the side, digging into the stonework, wings unfurled, it looks into the upper window of where her actual parlor is and peeks in for a second before just unleashing a blast of icy cold magical breath into the inside of the tower. You can see now, screams start tearing around you as the guards start getting their weapons ready. At which point, the dragon pulls its head back and looks about at everyone screaming, and pushes off the tower. As it does you see the stonework crack, and the top of Allura’s tower shatter–

LAURA: Oh, my god!

MATT: – and then begin to collapse, smashing into the city streets around you. At which point, the dragon (wingbeats) and takes off again above you. At this point in time: utter chaos has been unleashed, and you can see now the guards are rushing Uriel off the table. You guys are there caught amongst this chaos. At this very moment, as the white dragon heads deeper into the city, you hear a loud impact that silences the chaotic air around you, as the wall that the stage is buttressed up against now has perched above it an enormous vision of death: a grinning ancient green dragon. Its wings are curled around its form as it looks down at the rest of you in the middle of this open space and goes, “Delicious cattle. Raishan enjoys the taste of fear.”

LAURA AND MARISHA: Raishan?

MATT: At which point it leaps down onto the stage, crushing part of it. I would like you all to roll initiative.

MARISHA: No, what?!

SAM: We can’t fight four dragons. Can we?

MARISHA: Wait, did you say four? He didn’t say four.

LAURA and SAM: There’s a red and a black, a white and a green.

TRAVIS: Are the red and black dragons?

LAURA: They were red and black– of course they were fucking dragons!

TRAVIS: You’re sure?

LAURA: Everything else was dragons; why wouldn’t it be dragons?

TALIESIN: For the love of God and all that is holy.

MARISHA: Oh Jesus Christ, Taliesin.

LAURA: Are we fighting something now?

MARISHA: Are we just fighting one?

SAM: Oh, hi, dragon!

LAURA: Oh, hi, dragon, you’re my favorite customer.

MATT: Grog and Vex were there. Percy was here. Pike was here.

SAM: Don’t worry, I’ll kill it with music.

MARISHA: Holy balls!

MATT: And this is the chaotic pattern of individuals amongst here.

SAM: My god, look at all those fuckers!

MATT: All right! Now, if I could go ahead and have the initiative scores from you guys. 25 to 20?

TRAVIS: 20 again.

MATT: Anybody else? All right. Okay. 20 to 15?

LIAM: 15 again.

MARISHA: 15 as well.

MATT: All right. Ten to five?

LAURA: 14.

MATT: Oh, 14, sorry. 14.

SAM: 13.

MATT: Scanlan, Pike is after you. Percy, what did you get?

TALIESIN: Nine.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: The castle looks really badass. It’s just off of camera.

MATT: Is it? Let me see if I can scoot this forward a little bit for you guys. Now. Top of the round, Grog you’re up.

LAURA: Are we really fighting this right now?

MATT: Right there. You’re right there, where the red base is.

LAURA: What’s happening?

MARISHA: I dunno, what the fuck do we do?

TRAVIS: Well, I only do one thing– (yelling) I go into a rage! And a frenzied rage! And I take out Craven Edge, and I say, how do you feel about dragon?

MATT: “I think it sounds delicious; let’s try a taste.”

TRAVIS: (laughs) Great Weapon Master– I run up to the dragon and hack away!

MATT: All right, make your strikes.

TRAVIS: All right, fucking hell, where’s that son of a bitch? 19.

MATT: 19 misses.

SAM: 19 misses?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Everybody hear that?

MARISHA: Dragon.

TRAVIS: 22.

MATT: Just barely hits.

MARISHA: It has an AC of 22. It’s some bullshit.

TRAVIS: (mutters) That’ll miss.

SAM: Wait, how do I do anything to it?

MATT: Vex, you are familiar with dragons, as one of your enemies. Only the most ancient and powerful of dragons ever reach this size. Chromatic dragons are very selfish entities and do not usually work with individuals of other color patterns. The fact that this is this coordinated between multiple is a very, very bad sign. You’re suddenly brought back to a singular moment in your past when you recall seeing four orbs embedded in a wall.

LAURA: Yeah, no, I think we– We brought this on ourselves.

LIAM: Chickens come home to roost.

MATT: So, Grog, damage on the one strike?

TRAVIS: Just on the one. Oh, yeah right, I’m sorry I was so caught up in the fact that I’m just literally going up against death incarnate– hey!

MARISHA: We had no fucking reason to go into that basement.

TRAVIS: 19.

MATT: 19? Okay, 19 damage, good to know. All right, that ends your turn. First, it is Raishan. Raishan– (roars). As you can see now, this burbling cloud of greenish black fume just spills out of its open jaws, outward towards the crowd.

LAURA: Jesus!

MATT: All right.

SAM: Jesus Crit!

MATT: I need Grog, Vex, Pike, and Vax, and Percy to all make a constitution saving throw.

MARISHA: Am I in there as well?

SAM: I was in there as well, I think.

MATT: You were as well, yeah. You guys were as well. So all– Yep. Pretty much everyone but– heh– everyone but Trinket, probably for the best.

TRAVIS: Ten plus eight is 18.

SAM: This is a constitution saving throw?

MATT: Correct.

SAM: Can I use Cutting Words on this? Is this a magical effect? No, wait.

MATT: No this isn’t a saving throw thing. It just happens.

SAM: Oof!

LAURA: Bad?

SAM: Oh yeah! (laughs)

SAM: Five.

TALIESIN: 14 with resolve.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Seven.

LIAM: 14.

LAURA: 20.

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: Okay. All of you take 66 points of poison damage, as you feel your lungs and your outer flesh begin to burn and curl.

LAURA: 20 didn’t save?

MATT: Nope. The rest of the crowd around you screams out in horrible pain as the rest of them gasp and fall to the ground.

MARISHA: Holy fuck, he just took out the entire council.

TRAVIS: If I had resistance to poison damage because of the Belt of Dwarvenkind, is that halved?

MATT: You take that halved, yes. You take only 33.

TRAVIS: Oh, fuck me. I’m like, I can’t remember– I can’t remember what I’m trying to do. We got to go!

MATT: Actually, before your turn is over, the dragon (whoosh) re-positions itself for the rest of the crowd over there. You get an attack of opportunity against it, if you want.

TRAVIS: Oh hey, awesome. That’s a 19.

MATT: 19? That does not hit. You go to strike– it’s already out of the way and you find yourself even amongst your rage shaken by this, as you look around for the first time and realize that the crowds of people that were around you are now face down, unmoving on the ground, amongst the open space. As it steps across the wood as it lands, ruining the last bit of stage and landing on the opposite side, Keyleth, it’s your turn.

MARISHA: Are there any trees nearby?

TRAVIS: Wouldn’t mind turning into that mist right now.

MARISHA: No shit– I didn’t learn it! Go ahead.

MATT: There is a tree. There’s a tree about 100 feet in that direction.

MARISHA: 100 feet?!

LAURA: Or go inside.

MARISHA: All right, everyone’s around me, more or less?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: I slam my staff on the ground and I cast Anti-Life Shell and I say, (shouts) everyone in the shell– we’re running!

MATT: Okay. How big is the radius of the shell?

MARISHA: It’s not that big. It’s ten feet radius, so you guys are going to have to get close to me.

MARISHA: Ten feet.

LIAM: That’s enough for all of us.

MARISHA: That’s enough for all of us if we gather.

MATT: That’s your radius there.

SAM: I’m right there already!

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Pike and Scanlan are in it, everyone else needs to get close.

MATT: Yep, all right, and you’re going to stay there? Wait for everyone to gather to you, or are you just going to run and everyone else has to catch up? Which, if everyone else makes a dash movement, they could probably get to you next round.

TRAVIS: Yeah, just go.

MARISHA: All right, yeah, I’ll do like 20 feet, not my full 30 but enough to where people– no, fuck it, I’ll do 30 feet.

MATT: Okay, so you’re 30 feet up to the edge there. All right, that ends your turn. Vax.

LIAM: I click my boots, and I– Shit, where is everybody?

LAURA: Running towards Keyleth.

LIAM: I yank Trinket by the fur on his butt and say, come on Trinket! And then start running backwards and grabbing at my sister’s cloak as I go towards Keyleth.

MATT: Okay, with the boots of haste you get up within this area pretty easy. Trinket turns and sees you run and looks over towards you, which, it’s your next turn.

LAURA: Okay. I don’t know why we’re not running inside, instead of away. Are we running?

MARISHA: We’re running to the tree. So we can Transport Via Plants, was the thought.

LAURA: Got it. Okay, I’m going to shout out in Draconic, and I’m going to say: Raishan! Is that his name?

MATT: Raishan is what it seemed to refer to itself as.

LAURA: Raishan!

MARISHA: You got it, you got it!

LAURA: So sorry for whatever pissed you off so bad–

SAM: All right, you had it.

LAURA: Your fight’s with us, not with this city. Leave the townspeople alone. And I take off.

MATT: Okay. I imagine you tell Trinket to do the same?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, of course.

MATT: So you rush up. Trinket comes and gathers off to the side there–

MARISHA: He’s going to kill us, yeah.

LAURA: Oh! Oh! Can I cast something?

MATT: We’ll say, you are now there, for those who want to see there, technically, there off to the side.

LAURA: Can I cast something?

MATT: To get over there would take both– it would take a dash action, so, no. Unless it’s a bonus action, then you could’ve, like Hunter’s Mark if you want to do something like that.

LAURA: I guess I’ll do Hunter’s Mark on him. I was going to do Protection From Poison, so I might not full dash.

MATT: Yeah, we’ll say– up to you.

MARISHA: Is that a radius thing or just for yourself?

MATT: What do you want to do? Hunter’s Mark?

LAURA: I’ll Hunter’s Mark. I’ll just dash. I’m just stupid.

LIAM: Matt, probably too late, but can I retcon– say I’m holding my attack, since I didn’t do anything? Fine if not, I just thought–

MATT: With the haste you could’ve gotten there. I’d say sure. So we’ll let you have it. All right, holding your attack for what?

LIAM: If it bears down on us.

MATT: Okay. Scanlan.

SAM: Me? I’m going to–

LAURA: (gasps) What about Gilmore!? Where is he? He was right next to us.

MATT: I know.

TRAVIS: Just keep– it’s not about Gilmore right now– it’s Scanlan’s turn.

SAM: Where is he?

MATT: You can make a perception check.

SAM: 12.

MATT: 12? You don’t see Gilmore anywhere. You look about the bodies. You know the color of his robe, but you don’t see it anywhere on the ground. In the chaos you really have no idea where he is.

SAM: Okay, I will– (sings) Bigby’s Hand! Shamone! I will Bigby’s Hand and put it right in front of him and– wow, it’s so tiny compared to him!

(laughter)

SAM: I will use it as a Interposing Hand, blocking him from approaching us. And I will use my movement to climb into the circle of good.

MATT: Okay, you can get there. Okay, that ends your turn.

SAM: And I’ll– shit.

MATT: Want to inspire somebody?

SAM: I guess, I mean, who’s near him? Just Grog right?

MATT: Right now, it’s Grog, Percy and Pike are all still out right now.

SAM: They’ll get away right, they’re going to run? You’re going to run, right? They’ll be fine. All right. I’ll inspire Grog by saying, you’re a magnificent, handsome bastard, don’t die!

MATT: All right. You take a d10 inspiration die.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

MATT: Pike is going to rush right here and is going to attempt to cast Mass Cure Wounds. Mass Cure Wounds as a 6th-level spell, so that’s 4d8 plus five. Six creatures in a 30 foot radius. So that’ll be– all of you. She’s not going to do it to herself. Or, she can’t do it to Grog, so she can get–

SAM: Grog, did you get hit?

MATT: She can get everyone but Trinket, but Trinket seems fine, so– that is seven, eight, 12, 15 plus five– 20 points healed to all of you guys.

SAM: Great, that’ll help.

MATT: Except for Grog. That’s going to be her turn, and she just moves into the circle there with the rest of her movement. That brings us to Percy.

TALIESIN: I’m going to look for Gilmore.

MATT: Perception check.

TALIESIN: What!

LAURA: What happened to you, Percy?

TALIESIN: I don’t know. Nine.

MATT: In this chaos, you have no idea where he is, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: I’m going to hold my attack for if the dragon comes towards us and I’m going to run into the–

MATT: You rush in. all right, at the end of your turn, all the rest of these guys just go running. Running as far away as possible, getting up, going at full sprint all over. The guards are trying to usher people out of the way. You have crying mothers who can’t find their kid–

LAURA: Oh god.

MATT: You have absolute chaos, and at this point your hear in the distance a large explosion, as you see a rolling cloud of fire rise up in the distance over the mountain and the rest of regular Emon, surrounding the Cloudtop District. This guy over here’s going to run as well. Beginning of that turn, Grog you’re up.

TRAVIS: I’m booking ass.

MATT: Okay, with a dash you get over to there.

SAM: Don’t worry, my magical hand is there. (laughs)

MATT: Raishan now is going to move over here.

SAM: Hey, but, I try to stop him!

MATT: The hand is going to try to–

SAM: Got a strength of 26.

MARISHA: That’s awesome.

MATT: Interposing Hand just gives you cover against the target, and it can’t move the hand’s space if its strength is four, so it’s not going to move through the space, it’s going to try and move to the side. So instead of going after you guys, the hand just moves with it and keeps it in between, but it stays approximately here. It then blows towards this crowd here, just catching Grog in the corner. So Grog, I need you to make another constitution save.

SAM: With inspiration.

MATT: With inspiration, if you’d like, if you need it.

TRAVIS: (mutters) I’m okay. 26.

MATT: 26. You succeed, so you take we’ll say 33 points of poison damage, halved, to 17. All right. The rest of these guys except for– Oh, no, Grog, no! Grog, no! Those guys all survive, though they’re coughing and trying to get away. This brings us to end of his turn. At this point in time you look up and see (whoosh whoosh) another set of wings come slamming down onto this side.

TRAVIS: Holy shit, look at the size of that thing. What the hell?

SAM: (laughing) What is that thing?

MATT: As it lands, it looks down at the group and then runs up the side of a building’s rooftop up here.

MARISHA: Oh, Jesus Christ!

LAURA: So we’re totally getting in the tree, I know it, we’re going to make it.

SAM: (laughs) The tree has been evaporated.

MATT: So, the rest of you guys, are you all moving as a group forward?

SAM: Oh, hells yes!

MATT: Okay, you all go rushing– You all go dashing forward. At full speed, aside from Vax, who can get to the tree this turn, the rest of you are going to get halfway there.

MARISHA: Fuck!

MATT: So we’ll say for the purposes of this movement, we’ll move it backward.

MARISHA: There’s not a closer bush? Nothing closer we can jump in?

MATT: No, not currently. the closest large enough plant to use this ability–

SAM: Me and Pike get there, because I Dimension Door us.

MATT: Okay. Actually, technically Grog can get there too, and Vax and Pike and Scanlan. You guys all get there. The rest of you are all inside the Anti-Life Shell as you’re running.

LIAM: I’m not going to leave the group, I’m going to pace with them.

MATT: As you’re pushing forward, the large black dragon is just toying with you– it’s climbing across the rooftops, and just watching you as you run, and you hear it chuckling under its breath– (menacing chuckle, whoosh, impact).

TALIESIN: Okay, is he taking to the air?

MATT: He takes to the air and jumps to another rooftop.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try as I’m running– do I have enough time to try and take a shot?

MATT: You can, yeah.

TALIESIN: Am I going to be able to keep up with the group?

MATT: Probably not.

TALIESIN: Never mind. Damn it, never mind.

MATT: So you’re like, “shit,” and you just keep running. It now jumped over onto this rooftop and Raishan has moved up toward the center and making its way towards you. At this moment, another burst of fire over the wall much closer goes (boom) and swooping out of it, out of the flames, you see the largest red dragon you’ve ever experienced come swooshing through the flames, rises up past. The two other dragons almost lower their heads as it passes over.

SAM: Maybe they just want their gold back?

MATT: (whoosh) It swoops past without even noticing you all, slams onto the top of the palace, causing part of the entire throne room glass-domed structure to (shattering noise) shatter and break inward before it turns around and plants itself outward. You’ve seen ancient dragons– this is large for an ancient dragon. In fact, by its sheer size, you feel like you may have have encountered this individual before when you were passing through the plane of fire.

LAURA: That fuck that was like the biggest dragon ever ever?

SAM: I don’t remember that.

MARISHA: They guy we missed because we laid low from him and he flew over and we were like: 'don’t move,’ and we missed him?

MATT: As it lands, the two other dragons take a step back and recoil and snarl and you hear this voice come just tearing through the center of the Cloudtop District, saying, “Move on, Umbrasyl. I claim this as my domain now. The rest of you have a task to complete. Go! I shall remain and set a new dominion of the Chroma Conclave.”

SAM: (whispering) Chroma Conclave, that’s so cool!

MATT: At which point the two other dragons snap at each other and they both– the black one just takes off in this distance. The green dragon stalks for a second and then (snarls) angrily turns around and climbs back onto the top of the wall and then flies off into the distance as well, both of them heading westward.

LAURA: West.

SAM: Oh, we’re okay! Hey guys, it’s fine.

MATT: You watch as they curve around and start heading east.

LAURA: East?

MATT: At this point, you guys have now reached the outskirts of the tree and you can see now this large red dragon has planted itself–

LAURA: He died! He died!

MATT: He’s fine, he flew off, it’s fine. Just begins breathing flames into the center of the Cloudtop. As you can briefly see javelins being thrown, bolts being shot, and you hear a wave of screams in the distance as it rains death through the center of Emon. You’re at the tree, Keyleth. Where are you going? Where are you going?

MARISHA: Where are we going, what are we doing? Do we want go back to the keep?

MARISHA: What do we do?

LAURA: To the keep. Get underground.

TRAVIS: We need that skull.

MARISHA: What?!

TRAVIS: The skull grants a wish.

MARISHA: Grog!

SAM: Just get to the keep– we can talk about it there.

MARISHA: I cast Transport Via Plants on the fucking tree!

MATT: The tree– opens up and a small oval, almond-shaped portal and you can see, it’s in the intensity, it’s partially unstable but it’s keeping itself clean. You guys each dive in as the Anti-Life shell vanishes.

LAURA: I shout: Gilmore! Before I go though.

MATT: Okay, and you come leaping through the center of the tree as it closed behind you. And we’re going to end tonight’s session on that point!

LIAM: Thought we were going to be starting a brand-new Shadowrun campaign next week!

SAM: You know, maybe the warden of that jail was a dragon! And he invited his friends to find us.

LAURA: Did this all happen because we went back to General Krieg’s place? Did we kill the entire city because we went back to General Krieg’s place?

SAM: But think of the 4,000 gold we got! (laughs)

LAURA: Or maybe this was a long time coming and it just happened to time up.

SAM: We’ll find out.

MARISHA: I’m hoping it’s the first, I’m hoping it’s the first.

MATT: We shall see if all of these interests come to reveal themselves in the future–

LIAM: That was frightening, man.

MATT: – for future episodes of Critical Role.

MARISHA: What did we do?

TRAVIS: You just massacred people. You just committed genocide.

MATT: I just destroyed something that I built. It’s a really weird feeling.

LAURA: You destroyed your whole city, Matt.

MARISHA: The whole city, everyone’s dead.

TRAVIS: Well done!

SAM: Not everyone, just a couple of dozen people. And Gilmore.

LAURA: This is Act Two of the game, of the video game that you’re playing.

MARISHA: Holy fuck.

MATT: So with that, folks, as it closes on 11 o'clock, we have to get ourselves a rest for the evening. We hope you’ve enjoyed tonight’s game. I forgot to announce earlier because I was feeling all tense and– yeah– but we have a winner of our initial drawing.

TALIESIN: It was a thing, wasn’t it?

MATT: Earl Grey Austin was the winner tonight of our Critical Role package. So congratulations to you, buddy

TALIESIN: Someone won tonight! That’s so nice.

LAURA: Someone won.

MATT: All right, well guys, have a wonderful night, thank you all for watching, we’ll see you next Thursday.

MARISHA: I’m going to have an aneurysm.