Transcript:Shadow of War – Part 2

List of Transcripts

Part II
MATT: And welcome back to our second half of our Shadow of War game, brought to you and sponsored by WB Games. Thank you so much for letting this happen. All of us are all voice actors in the game, in case you didn’t check out the intro to the first half. We’re excited to bring these orcish characters of this one-shot together. If you haven’t seen the first half, you should probably go back and watch that first. Otherwise, you’ll be really confused.

LAURA: You should because it’s really good.

DARIN: Well, we could do it right now.

LAURA: Yeah, do it all again?

MATT: Yeah! Fine! But yeah, Shadow of War comes out October 10th, looking forward to that. The Shadow of War iOS and Android game is out now, so check it out. Anyway, bringing us back in. As the Forcs–

TRAVIS and LAURA: The Forcs!

MATT: As the Forcs have taken their break to rest themselves for a moment, to assess what to do next, you are now standing on the opposite edge of one of the Mithrim Spur Mountains, just past the crest. As you traveled down, you found hidden in this alcove, six uruks, five of which are currently sleeping and bundled, and one who’s keeping watch with a burning torch.

LAURA: Wait, did we actually take a short rest?

SAM: No.

TRAVIS: I got the numbers wrong.

LAURA: I thought it was intentional.

TRAVIS: Totally.

LAURA: We took a moment, so I didn’t actually get my action surge back.

MATT: Nope.

SAM: Why are you Australian now?

LAURA: Am I?

TRAVIS: It’s super flexible.

LAURA: Don’t you worry about it, Samuel.

DARIN: If you’ve seen the first part, please send us a clip of what we sounded like at that point. So we can go back, “Oh, right!” Because apparently (French accent) I am this orc. I enjoy a fork.

TRAVIS: Slavic. Listen, I have not bathed a short sword in blood under the cover of dark in so long! I want to sneak up, and I want to take their bowels and pull them out while they sleep. But! We have to take care of that one that’s watching guard, first. Who’s sneaky?

LAURA: Should I run down there and kill him?

TRAVIS: Naw, are you sneaky?

LAURA: I don’t know.

TRAVIS: Can you look?

SAM: Skak, don’t you have some sort of a crossbow?

TRAVIS: I do!

SAM: Maybe you should be the one to take him down.

LAURA: Maybe we can lead him toward us and then–

SAM: Oh, we could cause a diversion!

LAURA: Yeah, and then you can take him out away from the guards that’re sleeping.

TRAVIS: I like it!

SAM: Wait. If we make a noise or something, won’t he wake up everybody else?

LAURA: What if we hit him with a rock and he comes looking for it?

TRAVIS: Yeah, or you crack a branch, right? (cracking noise) LAURA: Oh, that’s a good idea! And I take a really big branch and I break it in half.

SAM: Oh no. We’re dumb.

MATT: The minute you hear the (cracking) sound, you hear this faint (grunt) sound over the cliff. As you glance over, you see the one with the torch is now like–

SAM: How far away is he?

MATT: About 25 feet from you, 30 feet, down below.

SAM: Crossbow him!

LAURA: (hooting)

MATT: He’s now walking toward one of them to start–

LAURA: I’m trying to sound like an owl in the night. Hoo-hoo!

MATT: Make a performance check.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Can I aid her? Can I aid her with my Minor Illusion?

MATT: Sure. How– what are you going to do?

TRAVIS: Let’s make it, like, a two-headed owl.

LAURA: I like it. Do I roll at advantage, then?

MATT: Because it’s a two-headed owl? No. Sorry. What’d you roll?

LAURA: Oh, I rolled a three. Minus two.

MATT: (laughing) So it’s a (gurgling).

LAURA and TRAVIS: (hooting and gurgling)

TRAVIS: Wait, harmony.

LAURA and TRAVIS: (harmonizing) Hoo!

SAM: Little pitchy.

MATT: The uruk keeping guard immediately goes, “What the shrak?” Goes and starts shaking one of them awake.

LAURA: Oh no! Hit him before he does that!

TRAVIS: I take the crossbow and I try to put it right in the back, where his head meets his neck.

MATT: Okay. He doesn’t currently see you, necessarily. Roll a stealth check.

TRAVIS: 20.

MATT: Does not seem to see you, so roll advantage on the attack.

TRAVIS: Okay. Natural 20.

MATT: So go ahead and roll the dice.

TRAVIS: Okay. d8 plus four. Eight, (counting).

MATT: Well, roll your sneak attack damage too, because that all gets doubled as well.

TRAVIS: 16, 19, 22.

LAURA: 22 times two.

MATT: Well, you don’t add the modifier to it yet. Double dice. So 22 times two? As he’s shaking one of the uruk, he’s like, “Hey, get up! Oof!” (gurgling) The one uruk’s like, “What the shit? I was sleeping!” The other one’s like, (gurgling) and falls onto his back, dead. He’s like, “Huh?” The other one’s getting up. He’s leaning forward now, inspecting the one who was there keeping watch.

TRAVIS: I can cast Sleep.

LAURA: Do it!

DARIN: I can use Misty Step. Can I? To sneak over.

MATT: You could appear right behind him if you wanted to.

DARIN: I would like to use Misty Step.

MATT: All right, so, as you’re doing this, you slip into the shadows and quickly dart through the shadow, appearing behind the one who’s waking up. He’s like, “What in the–?” What are you going to do?

DARIN: I speak for Sauron. And I try to rip his throat out.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

LAURA: Rip it out quietly!

TRAVIS: Shh!

MATT: Make a grapple check. So go ahead and roll athletics.

DAVIS: 16, plus my strength? 19.

MATT: All right, so, as it’s sitting up from its weird, tattered bedroll, you whisper in its ear, “I speak for Sauron.” Grab the back of its head. Go ahead and roll an attack to try and bite into its throat.

DARIN: That is 13.

MATT: 13? Roll damage.

DARIN: Seven.

MATT: Okay. Seven points. All right. As you pull the head back and bite into the throat, it’s like (gurgling and gasping). You tear a chunk out of its throat, but it’s making all these gurgling noises. All the other uruks start rousing.

LAURA: You should snap its neck! It’s quieter!

MATT: So what do you want to do?

DARIN: I have another attack. I’m going to bite his neck again.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: He’s a creative one, Mozuu.

DARIN: You see, Mozuu the Chosen means, I choose one thing and I do it over and over again, and that’s it. That’s it! That’s what Sauron said. It is a 13.

MATT: 13, all right. Go ahead and roll damage. Second time.

DARIN: For the love of Pete’s Dragon. Okay, that is another seven because that’s what happens.

TRAVIS: I thought he said quietly!

MATT: All right, as you go, (growling) Still alive. Bite down again and pull out another piece. You’re taking chunks out of this orc’s throat but it’s still alive. It’s like (yelling), reaching up and grabbing at you now, and it’s got the back of your head and is trying to pull you onto the ground. All the other ones are rousing and grabbing their weapons.

LAURA: I think they know we’re here.

SAM: Are they up? Are they behind a wall?

MATT: They’re in an alcove, like a little cliffside platform at the side of the mountain. There’s a mountain wall and then an outcropping, and they’re on the outcropping. It’s hidden, recessed. Below you.

SAM: Below us! Oh, we’re coming in from the mountain. So we can jump down.

MATT: If you want to try.

LAURA: We didn’t take a short rest, though.

MATT: It’s about 25 feet down below.

LAURA: That would’ve been real smart.

DARIN: To be fair, they know I’m here.

LAURA: Maybe I should rest while this is going on because I should really rest.

TRAVIS: I’ll cast Sleep on them.

MATT: So you pull out a small pouch–

TRAVIS: Yeah, with like, sleeping powder and herbs. I untie the top of it and I go, (whoosh).

MATT: All righty. So–

LAURA: You’re going to sleep too!

TRAVIS: Oh shit, well, I’m sure–

MATT: All right, roll 5d8.

LAURA: Wow, 5d8?!

DARIN: Orc throat makes me sleepy.

LAURA: It’s 5d8 of–? Oh, okay, I know.

TRAVIS: 32.

MATT: 32. So two of the uruk that are getting up out of bed are like, (grunt) reach for their weapons, and are like (grunting, then snoring), and fall immediately back to sleep. The other three, however, are still rousing up from their slumber.

TRAVIS: The other three are?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: That’s the best I got.

MATT: At this point, combat is definitely engaged. I need you all to roll initiative.

DARIN: And I’m okay? I did not fall asleep?

MATT: Well, no, because it affects creatures with the lower hit dice, and you actually have a higher hit point value than most of them there. So you weren’t affected.

TRAVIS: And I choose? I choose which one–

LAURA: No.

DARIN: 14.

TRAVIS: It says I choose–

SAM: Well, it doesn’t matter.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Seven.

MATT: Seven, all righty.

LAURA: Eight.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: 21. I need to be a little intelligent bastard from now on.

MATT: All righty. So Skak, you’re up first. You just threw the sleep powder into the air. You watch as they get to their feet and begin to pull their weapons out. It looks like the fray is on. You’re at the top of the combat round. What do you want to do?

TRAVIS: I’ll take the nearest one with my crossbow and fire.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TRAVIS: Is he within melee range of him, for sneak attack? Probably not, because he’s working on the guy with the throat, right?

MATT: Yeah, the guy with the throat is the only one that you have sneak attack on.

TRAVIS: 15.

MATT: 15 hits.

TRAVIS: Nice. That does seven points of piercing damage.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Are we hopping off down a cliff, or are we running in toward where they are?

MATT: That’s up to you. They’re about 25 feet down below on this cliff.

TRAVIS: I’m going to stay up on my perch.

MATT: Okay, stay up on your perch. Got you. You still have a bonus action if you wanted to hide.

TRAVIS: But I can only hide or disengage or–

LAURA: You could hide so they can’t see you.

TRAVIS: Oh, well, let them see me.

MATT: All right, there you go. So Skak is up in the open. Mozuu, you’re up.

DARIN: Okay. I am going to keep ripping at the man’s– Well, not the man. I’m going to keep ripping him.

MATT: The uruk, so go ahead for the attack.

DARIN: Oh, for the love of Pete’s Dragon. Five.

MATT: Five. You go to bite and this time it’s reached over and it’s grabbed a blade and a dagger. It jams the pommel up into your mouth and it hits the roof of your mouth. (gagging) You’re now being partially choked by its blade, by the hilt of its blade. So your first strike does not hit it. You want to try a second time?

DARIN: Yes. And I have a blade in my mouth?

MATT: You have the pommel and hilt jammed up into your jaw and it’s trying to keep you at bay.

DARIN: I’m going to try and jab the pommel in its eye. No, it’s not stuck in my mouth, right?

MATT: Not at the moment, but you could bite down if you wanted.

DARIN: All right, I will. For the– Seven.

MATT: Seven. You try and bite down on it. Actually breaks a tooth on the inside and you’re like, “Ugh!” You feel the pain sting through your jaw. This is a stronger uruk than you expected and it’s currently putting up quite a fight. So that ends your turn, Mozuu?

DARIN: Ends my turn.

MATT: All right. Arby and this group are all going at the same time. So what are you doing, Arby?

LAURA: I’m going to jump down. I’m going to run at them and attack the one that’s got him.

MATT: Okay. So as you leap, make an acrobatics check.

LAURA: Oh no.

TRAVIS: How far? 25 feet down?

MATT: 25 feet, yeah.

LAURA: Four!

TRAVIS: Plus anything? Oh no!

MATT: Mozuu, make a dexterity saving throw.

TRAVIS: Oh, no way.

DARIN: 18 plus– that’s a 19.

MATT: Okay. So you suffer seven points of bludgeoning damage as you fall from the cliffside above. As you fall, you land like a large cannonball, right in the space where Mozuu was. Mozuu, at the last minute, mouth filled with gore and dagger, looks up and sees the shadow encroaching. Kicks away just as you (impact).

LAURA: Slam down with my maul right as I hit the ground!

MATT: You land right on the guy he had. So you slam the maul into the ground, because you don’t know where he is. You look around for a moment to look down and realize that your feet are six inches deep into the torso of this once-living orc that has been splattered on the ledge. All right.

LAURA: I’ll use my second attack to hit another one!

MATT: All right, go for it.

TRAVIS: You are slaughtering today.

LAURA: I’m screaming as I’m doing it. 24!

MATT: 24 hits.

LAURA: Deet de deet de deet. Ooh, ah! 15!

MATT: 15? All right. That’ll destroy him. All right, so. So it was seven from that one to, okay. As you land and crush him, you swing wide with your giant maul and it hits one and pins it against the wall. It hits it and slams against the wall. You watch it splatter across the side, destroyed.

LAURA: Like a gnat, that one! Ha ha, ha!

MATT: All right, that’ll end your turn, Arby? As that’s happening, the orcs are getting up and grabbing their weapons. There are the two still sleeping. As all this is happening, they’re (snoring) in the middle of their bedroll. These two other ones that are wounded are going to stand up. They’re both going to go after you since you’re the one who just arrived aggressively. The first one’s going to swing at you.

TRAVIS: Frustrated DM.

MATT: That’s a ten.

LAURA: No.

MATT: The side of their battleaxe, clang! Against your armor, no effect. A natural 20!

TRAVIS: There’s the make-up. There it is.

LAURA: That’s a load of shrak, that is!

MATT: One on a d10, so that’s two plus– You take five points of slashing damage from its critical hit. You deflect it with a chuckle, your giant olog-hai physical self able to withstand such paltry blows. You’re called Unstoppable for a reason.

LAURA: That’s right. Unbreakable. That’s me.

MATT: All right, so. That ends the orc’s turn there, the one you crushed there, the one that’s sleeping. Yeah, they don’t get a saving throw until they get hit or the spell ends. Fun. All right. There’s a third orc right now that’s backing away. Hands up, full belly shown, like (heavy breathing).

LAURA: Kill the weak one!

MATT: “No, no no!” Eden, your turn.

SAM: I will jump on the weak one.

MATT: Roll an acrobatics check, please.

SAM: Oh boy. Check? 15.

MATT: 15, all right. You land on it without issue and you actually reduce the damage from the impact to two. You only take two points of bludgeoning damage from the fall as you land on top of it. Go ahead and roll a d4. Add your strength modifier.

SAM: d4, add strength.

MATT: Oh god, which one is it?

SAM: Three, plus strength is one. So four!

MATT: Four, so. You land and it slams onto the ground. We’ll see if it manages– Nope! It’s knocked prone. So it falls onto the ground. You’re on top of it currently. Felt a bone snap somewhere in its ribcage, the back of its shoulder blade. It’s currently pinned onto the ground underneath you.

SAM: I will take my quarterstaff and– like churning butter.

MATT: All right, go ahead and roll some attacks. It is considered prone, so you have advantage on your attacks against it.

SAM: Good, because that was a two. And that’s a natural 20!

MATT: Oh, shit! Okay, so roll your first attack damage.

SAM: d8, seven, plus four. 11.

LAURA: Wait, seven times two, because it was a critical. So 14.

SAM: 14 plus four is 18.

MATT: Okay, so the first hit, as you jam down, you go to stir it. You hit right at the base of the skull and the neck breaks immediately. But you feel like you still have to go through the motion so you still stir inside, even though it’s not living. The body’s limp and being pushed around in a circle. You’re like, (yelling in disgust).

TRAVIS: What’s it look like, being pushed around in a circle?

MATT: (yelling) About like that. So that’s your first strike.

SAM: Well, is he dead?

MATT: Yes. He’s very dead.

SAM: Orc physiology is not my specialty. Do I see other orcs? Uruks, around me?

MATT: There are two sleeping and there is one that was first struck by you with your crossbow, that was wounded, but it’s still standing and its blade’s out.

SAM: I get one more attack, right?

MATT: You do.

SAM: I will move to that one and hit him. Right?

MATT: Okay, what’s your movement?

SAM: 40.

MATT: Actually, yes. You would have enough, because you are quicker than the other. So you have enough speed to get right up to him. Go ahead and make your second attack.

LAURA: You’re so speedy.

SAM: Not with advantage?

MATT: No.

SAM: That’s probably a miss. It’s a nine.

MATT: Yep. This one sees you crush his friend and stir him up a bit, and prepares itself. As you rush toward, darts out of the way and dodge-rolls beyond your attack. No effect.

SAM: It’s a wraith! It’s a grave-walker! They can disappear at will!

MATT: All right, so, that ends Eden’s turn. Skak, you’re up first.

TRAVIS: The last one that remains un-asleep: crossbow.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Nice. Is he now within melee of him?

MATT: He is, yes.

TRAVIS: 17, so I’ll use my sneak attack. 12, that’s an eight. 12, 16, 20!

MATT: Yeah, between the damage he already took– This one, the arrow strikes right in the abdomen. It clutches it, gets the axe up to its side, and you see it, with its final bit of strength, trying to strike a blow toward your olog friend over there, but crumples to the ground and bleeds out from its abdomen.

SAM: Thanks, Skak!

TRAVIS: Yeah. Now, quiet– I’m looking at you– quietly kill the other, and leave one for questioning!

SAM: Kill the other? There’s two asleep.

LAURA: I walk over and use my maul and smash down on one of the ones that’s sleeping.

MATT: Okay, make an attack with advantage. It’s an auto-crit because it is incapacitated.

LAURA: Ooh, 16 plus eight, so that’s definitely going to hit, and it’s not a crit.

MATT: No, it is a crit. It’s an auto-crit because it’s right there. Actually, you wouldn’t even have to roll because, when it’s incapacitated. No, attack rolls have advantage, you’re right. And within five feet, it’s a critical hit. So yeah, you did hit and you have a crit.

TRAVIS: Re-roll that. That’ll do.

LAURA: Yeah! 20 plus five, 25!

MATT: (snoring) (impact) Scattered. Gallagher performance. All of you are like (splatter).

SAM: A good kill.

MATT: The one sleeping now has this section of hand that slopped onto its head. Pulls it in, cuddles with the disembodied orc arm.

TRAVIS: Sucks the thumb.

SAM: Sucking somebody else’s thumb! That’s so gross!

TRAVIS: How do I get down? I’m tiny!

LAURA: Here! I’ll catch you!

SAM: We’ll catch you, just come down. Oh, wait! I have a blanket. Let’s spread it out and we’ll hold it, and you can jump down on the blanket.

TRAVIS: Don’t let me fall!

LAURA: No, of course not! Right as he jumps, I let go and start picking my nose.

MATT: Make an acrobatics check.

TRAVIS: Oh no. Oh, hey! 17! Trickster rogues, man, okay!

MATT: All right, so, as you leap off and watch one of three taut points on it vanish, you flap your arms really fast to try and maneuver through the air. You manage to hit some tension on their side and roll off. You only suffer three points of bludgeoning damage as you roll on the ground. As you land, I want you to roll a constitution saving throw.

SAM: What’s that all about? Oh, I know what it is.

TRAVIS: Oh, that’s not good. That’s a six.

MATT: All right, so, as you roll and land, the sleeping powder seems to have worn off. The one that’s on the ground, clutching and sucking on the thumb of the disembodied uruk arm goes, (sniffing and grunting) (confused noises) (cry of alarm).

TRAVIS: Grab him!

SAM: We’re not to kill him?

TRAVIS: No! Question him!

DARIN: We will question him, and we will question him in the patented way we always question individuals, when we all speak as one!

SAM, LAURA, and TRAVIS: As one!

SAM, DARIN, and LAURA: Don’t bite his throat.

DARIN: Right.

TRAVIS: You, strong people, grapple him!

SAM: I will grapple him!

MATT: Make an athletics check.

SAM: Not good. Nine.

MATT: Natural 19. As you go to grab, he goes (yelling), pulls away. You can attempt to make another, if you want. You get two attacks. You can make one per attack.

SAM: That’s right. This one is, it’s an athletics check? 13.

MATT: 13. Yeah, no, he’s like, (grunting), pushes away from you twice. This slimy little orc is now freaked out.

LAURA: I start grabbing at him like it’s a piece of paper blowing in the wind.

MATT: Make an athletics check. It’s like (slurping sounds).

LAURA: Oh no! Athletics, or what? Athletics is ten.

MATT: Ten. Nope! It’s like grabbing the soap. Boop, boop, boop! It keeps slipping out of your grasp and it’s crawling on the ground.

LAURA: 25!

MATT: 25. Okay, yeah, that’ll do it. It slips past each one, crawling on the ground, (heavy breathing) (clunk) “Ugh!” You get the ankle and you pull it back in. Slides onto his back and is like, (panicked yelling) underneath this giant olog body, covered in armor, that’s towering over it. Looking up at you, Arby, like–

LAURA: We’re going to ask you some questions.

TRAVIS: All together, right? One, two–

ALL: –Three. Who do you serve? We are the Forcs! Who do you serve? Not meaning food! Because we are the Forcs!

MATT: Somebody make an intimidation check.

TRAVIS: Not me.

SAM: I will intimidate. Natural one.

LAURA: Seven.

TRAVIS: Nine.

DARIN: (softly) Two.

TRAVIS: Oh my god. Are you serious?

MATT: After this display, the uruk on the ground goes, (bursts into laughter). “What is this? What, the Forcs? Really? (giggling) Just kill me.”

SAM: I guess we have to kill him.

TRAVIS: Give him pain.

SAM: Pain?

TRAVIS: Pain.

LAURA: I lift him up, hanging by his ankle. Do we want to use him as a piñata?

SAM: It’s multicultural. Sure! I’ll take out my length of chain and sort of start whipping him.

MATT: (shrieking)

LAURA: Who do you serve? Who do you work for?

MATT: “My! Name’s! Borg! Please, stop it! I’m Borg!”

LAURA & DARIN: Borg. Borg? Borg borg.

LAURA: Who sent you? Where are you from? Who do you work for?

SAM: We’re looking for Ur-Gram.

MATT: “I know Ur-Gram!”

SAM: You do! Where’s Ur-Gram?

MATT: (stuttering) “I could tell you. I could show you!”

LAURA: All right! I drop him.

MATT: “Oh! (groaning) Okay. I could show you. So. Just know, Ur-Gram is strange. He’s a fanatic. Bit of a creepy individual.”

LAURA: Should we take a short rest while we talk about him? Can I sit down? I’m going to sit down and listen to what he’s saying.

MATT: This uruk, which at a close glance is small, it’s borderline goblin in how thin and tiny it is, sits up on his feet. (wheezing) “A fanatic, Ur-Gram is. Near death once, he was! Now works for some tark who walks like the wraiths do. The Bright Lord, he is. Marks all his gobs with his hand, he does. I don’t question, though. Ur-Gram can break any of us. I’ve seen it, I have.”

LAURA: He can’t break me. I’m unbreakable.

MATT: “That’s good.”

TRAVIS: You said he works for the Bright Lord?

MATT: “The Bright Lord, aye. I’ve seen him around. He’s just some stupid man-filth.”

TRAVIS: Pig-skin!

SAM: Soft-skin!

LAURA: Man-swine!

SAM: Sure, sure, those are all good ones.

DARIN: What other ones can we use?

SAM: Man-filth! Man-beast!

MATT: “I already said man-filth.”

DARIN: Now, what other insults could we use, all together, in one voice? In our traditional way?

MATT: “Please, don’t. Borg is asking you.”

DARIN: You see, we’re tougher than your master. You said creepy? Who’s creepier than the Forcs? You can answer.

MATT: “No one?”

SAM: Correct answer.

DARIN: There’s two things I know. We are the creepiest, and that’s it.

MATT: (whimpering)

TRAVIS: So Ur-Gram works for the Bright Lord and can bend anyone to his will?

MATT: “Well, didn’t bend me. Didn’t ask.”

SAM: Where is he?

MATT: “I’ll show you.”

LAURA: Can you show us in 30 minutes? Because I want to take a short break.

MATT: “Sure, take your rest.”

SAM: If we rest, what if they send a patrol up here?

LAURA: We’ll pretend that we’re the guards that we just killed.

TRAVIS: You lead us to Ur-Gram, we’ll rest for a minute, and then when you lead us we’ll let you leave!

MATT: “Okay.”

LAURA: I’m going to use him as a pillow as I take a short rest.

TRAVIS: I’m going to bind his hands first, and then I’m going to stick some dirty garments hanging off of Eden in his mouth, to gag him up.

DARIN: You have a choice, mate. You could join us. Every Forc, as has been proven by science, has five forky things. We are but four! If you join us, we will be five.

LAURA: No, but then we’d be–

SAM: –the Fircs.

LAURA: Doesn’t work as well. If you join us, you could be my pillow as long as you want.

MATT: (muffled whimpering)

TRAVIS: Hold on. I take out the–

LAURA: I fluff him up and lay down.

MATT: (yelps of pain) You break a few bones in the process.

TRAVIS: I should gag him back up. I walk back over to Eden and I tear off a bit of cloth near the groin area. Yeah, I put it back in. Okay, should we take a short rest?

SAM: I guess.

MATT: All right, so you guys all take a short rest. You can use any hit dice that are currently unspent.

SAM: Got to use them all.

TRAVIS: Because you have those hit dice once per day.

SAM: Back up at full.

MATT: You get your ki back. You get your action surge back.

DARIN: Almost full.

LAURA: Almost full, not quite.

MATT: All right. At the end of this rest, as you’re laying back, you hear this silent whimpering as Borg’s like (whimpering).

LAURA: It’s okay, Borg-borg.

TRAVIS: Oh man, pet names.

LAURA: Well, he said his name twice!

TRAVIS: Pet names for our captive.

SAM: Lead us to Ur-Gram.

MATT: “I need to get up first.”

TRAVIS: You’ve got a gag in your mouth.

MATT: (muffled)

TRAVIS: Now hold on!

MATT: “Blah! I need to get up first!”

SAM: Let him up.

LAURA: All right, I sit up.

MATT: (gasping and heavy breathing)

LAURA: You’re very comfy. I start taking his ropes off him as I pat his little head.

TRAVIS: Oh, why are you untying his hands?

LAURA: Well, because I thought he needs to walk?

TRAVIS: They’re on his hands!

LAURA: I don’t understand what the problem is.

TRAVIS: Now, I’ve made him a nice bit of jewelry for his wrists. Let’s leave it on so he feels like he’s part of the group.

LAURA: All right.

TRAVIS: Okay. I tie his hands back together. In front!

LAURA: Should I undo his feet then?

TRAVIS: Those were never tied.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: As you guys continue eastward under the cover of night, having crossed over the apex of this mountain range, you descend down the treacherous paths and cliffs below. A few hours downward, continuing with the pushing of Borg ahead of you, he begins to continuously glance out in the darkness ahead of you until eventually, you come around one bend through this small valley path that’s been carved through years and years of heavy rains and wind that have burrowed this small walkway through these big cliff-sides. You turn around the corner and you can see, immediately, about a dozen or so dotted lights in the distance, the dark. Maybe a quarter-mile away. There, Borg goes, “That there! That’s where he is! That’s where Ur-Gram and the tark have been preparing!”

LAURA: Is the Bright Lord down there?

MATT: “Maybe!”

SAM: How do we get inside?

MATT: “I don’t know! I’ve only had to go outside of it!”

DARIN: You’ve never been inside?

MATT: “Oh, well I’ve been inside, but they let me in! Don’t think they’re going to do that for you.”

SAM: Is there a password or something?

LAURA: Do all of you wear special hats or something?

MATT: “I mean–” He looks down at himself and looks around. “They gave us these.” He tugs at the tunic that he has under his ramshackle, piecemeal armor. There’s this soft grey material that has a dull grey handprint that’s pulled across the front. He goes, “Maybe this?”

LAURA: That’s pretty. I could wear that.

SAM: You’re big.

DARIN: You said the other uruk were marked by this Bright Lord?

MATT: “Well, he gives them like, a–”

DARIN: Does it leave a print on their face?

MATT: “Don’t think so.”

LAURA: You want me to give it a try?

TRAVIS: Do it.

LAURA: All right, I walk over to Mozuu and slap him as hard as I can across the face.

DARIN: How many hit points do I lose?

MATT: What’s your strength modifier?

LAURA: Five.

MATT: Your strength modifier is five? You take six points of bludgeoning damage to the face, as your jaw actually disconnects from one side and (cracking sound).

TRAVIS: You are huge. Oh my gosh.

DARIN: (indistinct)

LAURA: I can’t understand you.

TRAVIS: Is that what the mark looks like?

MATT: “Yeah.”

TRAVIS: Can I make an insight check to see if he’s lying? Natural 20.

MATT: Yeah, he’s totally lying. He has no idea. He watched you slap the shit out of your friend and is amused by it.

TRAVIS: I’ve got an idea. What if we untie him and he brings us in as new recruits to Ur-Gram?

LAURA: And then what?

TRAVIS: We’ll get an audience with him and we cut his head off! And then we bring it back.

MATT: “I can hear you!”

SAM: No, we’re not going to cut your head off!

MATT: “Oh, oh!”

LAURA: No, no, the Man-eater. The Face-eater.

MATT: “I could do that! I could help you in.”

TRAVIS: And we’ll cut you in on the spoils.

LAURA: Good idea!

SAM: We’re going to get a lot of money for this mission, and we’ll give you one half.

MATT: Make a deception check.

TRAVIS: That’s me, man! I actually have deception for once!

SAM: 15!

MATT: He’s like, “That’s very generous. So then, to Ur-Gram? Come on.”

DARIN: To Ur-Gram! May I fix my jaw?

SAM: Oh, I can fix it! I’m a medic.

DARIN: Thank you.

MATT: Make a medicine check.

SAM: That’s cocked. 11 plus medicine? 14.

MATT: 14? It takes a minute, but eventually (cracking). It’s sore. It’s swollen. Your face looks disproportionate.

DARIN: I feel alive.

LAURA: I start yanking his robes off of his hands. His robes off? His ropes off of his hands. I’ll take his robes off too, just in case.

TRAVIS: Make him naked!

SAM: He needs to have a costume on, for the ruse.

LAURA: All right, I give him his robes back. Sorry.

SAM: Remember, you’re bringing us in because we’re new recruits. You’re here to see Ur-Gram. No questions.

TRAVIS: Ferocious warriors, we are.

SAM: The moment you betray us, we will kill you.

MATT: “Right.”

TRAVIS: Painfully.

SAM: And that’s it.

MATT: “Okay, good to know. Follow me!” Begins to carefully dart around. You guys progress for about 20 or so minutes before you reach the very base of this mountain. It’s now evened out and you’re in this valley, where this small fortress is. The closer you get, I want you to make a perception check.

SAM: All of us?

MATT: All of you guys.

TRAVIS: 17.

SAM: 17 here as well.

LAURA: Ooh, 22.

MATT: All right. Darin?

DARIN: Plus what?

MATT: Perception.

LAURA: It’s toward the bottom.

DARIN: Oh, 14.

MATT: All right, some decent rolls all around. Okay, you guys can see, on the other side of this wide valley, where the torchlights encircle a fenced, walled encampment, a single ramshackle watchtower marks the center of the interior of this large, sharpened pike-like wall. The back half of the wall is buttressed against the mountain base, across the valley from you, vanishing into a large cavern. So it’s not a full encirclement. You see the wall encircles around the base of the mountain and each side ends at the mountain. There’s an actual natural cavern that the base of it hides in shadow.

LAURA: That’s a nice camp. They’ve got a real nice camp.

TRAVIS: Location, location, location.

SAM: But do they have grog?

TRAVIS: I hope.

MATT: You had the 22? You also hear, faintly, off in the distance, this (snuffling and growling). You’ve heard this sound before. It’s kept you up at night, whenever the caragors in their cages were particularly rambunctious. It sounds like a caragor. As soon as you hear it, you also hear a (alert yelp). A second one, not far from it, goes (snuffling).

LAURA: There’s caragors!

MATT: Yeah, but like, near you. Maybe 40 feet from you, at the moment.

TRAVIS: Are there trees around us?

MATT: No trees. You’re in Mordor right now.

TRAVIS: Yep, just thought I’d ask. You know, some ashen trees?

MATT: I mean, there are jagged rocks. Part of the terrain itself is a series of broken shale and large rock faces that jut out of the ground from seismic activity.

LAURA: Should we hide behind rocks? It’s caragors.

TRAVIS: You hear caragors?

LAURA: Yeah, like real big-sounding ones.

TRAVIS: Prepare to fight! And I hide.

MATT: Okay, make a stealth check.

SAM: Hide? No, we should sneak past them!

TRAVIS: That’s true, we should. 16.

MATT: Okay. So you watch as Skak disappears behind a rock. What are you guys doing?

LAURA: I also try to duck behind a rock.

SAM: Are we going to sit here?

LAURA: I’m going to duck behind a rock and wait for one to show its face around a rock, and then I’m going to hit it with my maul.

MATT: Okay, make a stealth check with disadvantage.

SAM: Why don’t we try to go past them?!

LAURA: Seven.

MATT: Okay. You watch as Arby nods, follows suit, right behind where Skak is. The rock’s almost the size of Arby, so you see this outline of Arby clutching this rock and trying to act quiet as the armor (clanking).

TRAVIS: Look and see if we can make it past them! You, stick your head out.

SAM: All right, I will stealthily see if I can see any caragors. Move out, look around.

MATT: Make a stealth check.

SAM: Ooh! 25!

LAURA: Sneaky sneaky!

MATT: As you climb a little bit of the rock face on one side of this pathway that’s carved into the mountain base here, you glance up. You can see the faint bit of moonlight that breaks through one of the nearby clouds. You can see the outer rim of two fully-grown caragors that are currently walking, maybe 15 feet from each other, a dual hunting scenario. They’re both like (sniffing and grunting) on the ground, and they’re smelling for any sort of possible prey that might be in the vicinity.

SAM: Hi! We need to distract them somehow. Does anyone have any meat on them?

LAURA: No, but I have a bell!

SAM: A bell?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: That would distract?

LAURA: Well, it’s a bell! It makes noise.

MATT: (bell clanging) The bell is now ringing in her hand.

SAM: Throw the bell!

LAURA: I throw the bell as far away as I can!

MATT: The caragors at this point (snarling). They both go jumping and leaping in toward where the source of the bell sound was.

LAURA: I throw the bell!

MATT: Make a strength check.

TRAVIS: Oh my god. Please throw it a mile.

LAURA: 18!

MATT: The bell arcs behind where you guys were.

LAURA: Oh wait, no, 15. Because it’s not a saving throw.

MATT: Right. It arcs off behind you and you watch as one large caragor, nearly 15 feet from end to end, leaps from the top of the cliff, down into the ravine behind you, the rock ravine where you were, and pounces on right where the bell landed. You hear it ping (crushing). With an impact, you see rocks get thrown, as it scrapes across the ground and it tears where the sound source was, it sits there, tearing at it. The other one comes right up to the edge to inspect inside. Right over where you are, it hasn’t quite noticed you right now as you guys are all standing still, the bell is quickly being noticed to not be anything fleshy.

LAURA: I look up. Is it like right above the head?

MATT: It’s about, maybe, five feet above you right now.

LAURA: So I could take my maul and go like this!

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: I could use Mage Hand to create a better distraction.

LAURA: Too late.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Go ahead and roll an attack. You have advantage on this strike since it’s unaware of your position.

LAURA: 26.

MATT: 26 hits, yeah.

LAURA: (laughing) Aw. 11.

MATT: 11 points of damage, nice. So, as the one that– its snout kind of creeped over the edge, you can see its teeth are this thick underbite of its jaw pulling open as it’s trying to take in the air both through its nose and its mouth. (snarling) At which point, out of the darkness, this giant maul head slams right into its snout and it backs up briefly, and as that happens and you pull the maul back, it glances down with this look of absolute hatred and death in its eyes. (roars)

LAURA: I think it saw us.

MATT: You do get a second attack because you did take the action on this one. And at this point, the other one spins around from where the bell was, hearing the pained sound of its ally.

LAURA: 17?

MATT: 17 hits.

LAURA: Yes! 12.

MATT: 12 points of damage, all righty. So, as it’s gearing up over the side, you take the maul and slam it again. This time it moves its head to the side and it hits the side of its neck. It’s a heavy hit, and it takes the brunt of it, but it’s so big. I mean, you’re pretty big as an olog-hai. It’s probably at least two or more times the mass of your body.

LAURA: Oh, it’s so much bigger than I thought it was.

TRAVIS: I think you were thinking it was like a dog.

SAM: Oh, because you didn’t play an orc in the game, so you don’t know that these things are really powerful.

LAURA: No!

TRAVIS: Really terrible.

DARIN: But they can be defeated by a bell.

TRAVIS: It’s like a giant liger.

MATT: And on that note, I would like everybody to roll initiative, please, as these two caragor are now bearing down on you in this ravine. Oh, okay.

LAURA: We got more of them than they have. It’s okay.

DARIN: 17.

MATT: Oh, nice.

SAM: I think we should try to run.

MATT: (laughs) Yeah, these guys don’t seem very fast.

SAM: Six.

LAURA: Oh no.

TRAVIS: Yeah, only four-legged.

LAURA: Nine.

TRAVIS: Greyhounds of death. 15.

MATT: All right, Mozuu, you’re up first. There’s the one that’s up behind you on the path, maybe about 15, 20 feet from you, and there’s the one that’s right above the edge right now that she slammed twice in the face. What are you going to do?

DARIN: Thunderous Smite.

MATT: All right, so you pull forth your war pick, and you’re going to go ahead and strike which one?

DARIN: The one that was closest to Arby.

MATT: Okay.

DARIN: Or I should go for the other one?

MATT: It’s a little high for you right now. Because of her size, she can barely reach it. You’d have to try and make your way up either Arby, or climb part of the cliff side. Up to you.

DARIN: Do you mind if I climb you?

LAURA: Not a bit.

DARIN: I’m going to climb.

MATT: Make an athletics check.

DARIN: Okay.

SAM: That’s either a one or a 20.

DARIN: I don’t know what that is.

SAM: It’s a 20!

DARIN: Oh, it’s a 20!

MATT: Oh, snap, okay. So, using Arby’s body as a ramp, you begin to leap up from shoulder to back to shoulder, the top of her head, and jump in the air, warpick in the sky as you scream to bring it bearing down on the first caragor before you.

DARIN: (yelling) I speak for Sauron!

MATT: (laughs) All righty, so, make an attack roll against it.

DARIN: 16.

MATT: 16 hits! Go ahead and roll for this.

DARIN: I think it’s a 1d8 plus three.

MATT: So yes, 1d8 plus three, and then you add an additional 2d6 thunder damage to the target.

DARIN: That’s eight, and the six, that is three, and that is a one. 12.

MATT: 12 points of damage?

DARIN: Yeah.

MATT: All right, so. As you slam the war pick right into the front of its snout, it jams into one nostril and tears through across the side of its face, releasing this gout of dark purplish-red blood, and as the impact hits, there’s a burst of energy. The sheer force of your anger as you scream in its face scares it back, and it blows about ten feet behind you and is knocked prone. It rolled a natural four plus four, that’s eight. And I believe your spell DC is 11, right?

DARIN: Yes it is. Oh yeah!

MATT: This caragor now gets thrown back ten feet and is knocked prone on the ground on its side. It’s trying to snap around and get its feet any sort of purchase to get back up on to the ground, but currently it’s open.

DARIN: The Forcs are a powerful team.

TRAVIS: We don’t forc around.

MATT: That ends your turn. Okay, so, Skak, you’re up.

TRAVIS: Skak. Because it’s laying prone, I probably can’t see it from below, right?

MATT: No, you’d have get up.

TRAVIS: I’ll aim to the other one that turned at the sound of pain, and I will use my crossbow to shoot at it.

MATT: All right, go for it. It just turned around. (growls)

TRAVIS: That’s terrible. 12.

MATT: 12. Okay. That does not hit. You turn around and you fire and it–

TRAVIS: (whimpers) Bonus action! Hide!

MATT: I’ll let you move around the rock where you are and try and hide.

TRAVIS: Okay, fair enough. 18. On stealth.

MATT: Okay. Good to know. All right. That ends your turn, it’s now their turn. So the one that was knocked prone gets up off the ground. Ten feet away, it still has enough movement as you’re standing now on the shoulders of Arby. It’s going to go ahead and– Let’s see.

DARIN: And we put on a big coat and pretend we’re one person. And we sneak into a movie theatre.

MATT: It takes a five-foot step back and goes into a 15-foot leap right towards you. It’s a deadly leap. (snarls) It lunges towards you.

DARIN: Mm-hmm. This was a wonderful game. Thank you for letting me play.

MATT: Yeah, I need both Mozuu and Arby to make strength or dexterity saving throw, your choice.

TRAVIS: Get its attention, you can do it.

DARIN: That’s a 13.

LAURA: 25.

MATT: You succeed, you do not. All right, so. Here we go.

TRAVIS: All the dice come out. Just all the dice.

MATT: 14 points of bludgeoning and slashing damage to you, Mozuu, and you are knocked prone as it lands on top of you, knocking you off of Arby’s shoulders. You are now on the ground with it on top of you going (snarls). And it’s tearing and biting at you as you are currently pinned to the floor.

DARIN: He’s trying to rip out my throat? Sure is poetic.

MATT: Turnabout’s fair play. You take seven points of damage, Arby, and you are not knocked prone or thrown off, you manage to keep your weight there. However, it’s partially standing on you now, its hind legs are up on your back and it’s using you to hold itself as it’s currently putting all of its weight on Mozuu. The other one that was shot at by Skak is going to go ahead and rush forward and it’s going to go ahead and make a deadly leap as well. Let’s see, all that going on with that space it’s going to have to go after Eden. I need you to go ahead and make a strength or dexterity saving throw, your choice.

SAM: I’ll choose dexterity, and that’s a 21.

MATT: 21, all right. Okay, you take six points of bludgeoning and slashing damage together, and you are not knocked prone. It doesn’t pin you in the space. You just manage to pull out of the way, but it’s right up in your face now and your back’s against the rock that he’s hiding behind. There’s your friends and the other caragor right behind you over your shoulders, and this one is right in front of you right now, slashing and snarling at you. That’s going to end their turn. Arby, you’re up.

LAURA: I’m going to spin around and try to hit the one that’s standing on me.

MATT: Okay, that’s the one you’ve hit before, so go for it.

LAURA: Yeah. Ooh, 26.

MATT: 26 hits!

LAURA: Aw. Dang. Plus seven plus five is 12.

MATT: All righty, so that first hit slams into its side. You hit it again, you hear the crunch. One shoulder blade seems to almost buckle a little bit. It’s looking pretty hurt but it’s still standing there.

LAURA: I’m going to try to hit it again. That’s a 19.

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: 14.

MATT: 14, all righty. And with that, you slam up your maul a second time. It actually catches it right underneath the jaw and forces its head to snap up so fast that its spine seems to break into place, and with a (whines) it falls limp, the entirety of its weight sliding off of your shoulders and onto Mozuu, who is now prone and pinned underneath it.

DARIN: I’ve gotten the most damage of this entire game.

LAURA: Eden! Do you want me to try to hit that one too?

SAM: Yes!

LAURA: I’m going to action surge and try to run up to the other one and attack it too.

TRAVIS: Action surge.

MATT: Okay. So. Taking a little bit there, shoving it off to the side, you rush up to the one that’s right in the face of Eden. It’s a quick jaunt.

LAURA: That’s a 24.

MATT: That hits!

SAM: You’re so powerful.

TRAVIS: Wow.

LAURA: Are you kidding me?!

TRAVIS: Double ones both times!

MATT: What?!

LAURA: Sorry, that’s seven points of damage.

MATT: All right, seven points of damage. You rush up and swing at it. This time, it brings its head back and manages to deflect some of the blow with the side of its face; not quite doing as much damage as you’d like.

LAURA: Ooh, natural 20 on the next hit!

MATT: Make up for that! There you go!

LAURA: 25 points of damage.

MATT: 25 points of damage! So, while it deflects the first blow, as it turns its head back to strike at you, you put your foot up and hold it right in its jaw to keep it from getting away. You use that to aim it up and whack right up the side of its temple. It rings its bell and you watch as it pulls away, the slobber and blood dripping from its jaws, shaking its head back and forth from the pain you just inflicted. I believe that ends your turn.

LAURA: Yes, it does.

MATT: End of Arby’s turn brings it to you, Eden.

SAM: (growling) I will attack relentlessly! 23 to hit.

MATT: 23 hits!

SAM: That is five points of damage.

TRAVIS: Relentless damage!

SAM: I will use my Flurry of Blows.

MATT: You get two attacks and then you can use your Flurry.

SAM: Got it. So, second attack doesn’t hit. It’s 12. So I can’t use my Flurry of Blows?

MATT: You can!

SAM: Okay! Flurry of Blows!

MATT: So you get two more attacks.

SAM: That’s worse. And 15.

MATT: 15 just barely hits.

SAM: Eight! Plus four is 12 points of damage. Plus I will choose a condition for it. Strength saving throw? If it fails, no, it probably is strong. It’s probably dextrous, too. I’m going to choose that it can’t take reactions until the end of my next turn.

MATT: So it can’t take attacks of opportunity. There you go. Perfect. That ends your turn, Eden. Mozuu, you’re up. Currently prone and pinned under the dead body of a caragor.

DARIN: May I call for help?

MATT: Yes, you may.

DARIN: I would like to do that. You thought I was going to say something else, but I would like to call: Hello? Might I have a bit of aid, please?

MATT: Are you going to attempt to pull your way out, or are you just waiting for someone to help you?

DARIN: I’m waiting for someone to help me.

MATT: You’re holding your action for someone to aid.

DARIN: I’ve been beaten up a lot.

TRAVIS: Do we see him under this giant caragor?

MATT: You hear and see, out of the corner of your eye. You especially see it because you’re right behind the rock and you see his head and shoulders are right there like, “Help!”

DARIN: Excellent. The person who isn’t the strongest! This’ll be fun!

TRAVIS: I’m on my way!

MATT: Holding your action for someone to help you. That brings us to Skak’s turn.

TRAVIS: (panicked noises) Can I not help him at all? I pop back up out of hiding. Can I take aim with the crossbow again? As a bonus, can I smash a poison vial on one of my arrows to make it a poisoned arrow?

MATT: It’s an action to poison a weapon. It’s more of a preparation thing.

TRAVIS: I’ll keep that in mind. Crossbow! Natural 20!

MATT: Oh shit! Roll your dice and then add the modifiers after you double it.

TRAVIS: Six.

LAURA: Plus your sneak attack.

TRAVIS: Is it sneak attack? Is he within melee of the other ones?

MATT: Yeah, they’ve both been bashing it.

TRAVIS: Excellent. Oh god. 16. 24.

LAURA: You’re supposed to double your dice, all of your dice.

TRAVIS: 26. That one’s supposed to be doubled too, right?

LAURA: Yep.

TRAVIS: Okay. 26.

MATT: 26 points of damage. All right. Yeah. As you peek out of hiding, you see it snapping and snarling at both of your friends over on the side. You take a moment and slow your breathing. (heartbeats) And release the crossbow bolt. You watch behind as it streaks forward between your friends. The caragor turns, opening its jaw to snap over Arby and it goes right in the back of the throat, up into the brain and it collapses to the ground, no longer moving.

TRAVIS: Oh, are you okay, Mozuu?

DARIN: Yes.

LAURA and SAM: Mozuu?

DARIN: I am a talking caragor!

LAURA: I walk over and try to push the caragor.

MATT: Since you’re not in immediate danger, it takes you a minute or so. You all manage to push this giant caragor corpse off of Mozuu’s body. You’re sore, you’re crushed, you’re sweaty and covered in blood, but you’re now standing.

LAURA: See! That wasn’t so bad!

SAM: Is our prisoner still around, or did he run away?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Oh, I forgot we even had him!

SAM: Oh, perception! 21!

MATT: 21. He is quite a ways down the walkway sprinting away.

SAM: I could catch him!

TRAVIS: Can you?

SAM: I can!

LAURA: Let’s take off after him.

SAM: I’m going to sprint after him using Step of the Wind.

MATT: You’re going to use another ki point. With your speed and double dash, as he’s sprinting. (heavy panting) About a minute later or so, you catch up right behind him and he’s within grasp of you. He hasn’t noticed you, he’s just eyes on the prize right towards the fortress.

SAM: I grab the top of his skull.

MATT: Make an athletics check to grapple him.

SAM: Athletics? 17.

MATT: 17. You grab him by the back of the head and he gets yanked out from under his feet and slams into the ground. You’re still clutching him. You pick him up. He’s dangling now from your giant olog mitts.

SAM: Can’t run from the Forcs!

MATT: “I was running from the caragors! Self-preservation, mate!”

SAM: That makes sense. All right, we’ll wait here for the others and then we follow this plan.

MATT: “Yes!”

SAM: You’re on our side.

MATT: “Of course!”

SAM: I trust you implicitly.

MATT: “Don’t worry!”

SAM: I don’t worry about anything.

TRAVIS: Can we see if he’s killing him or having a chat?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Nope! Two!

MATT: You see him grabbing him by the head and pulling him in and you see a bit of a struggle.

LAURA: You should probably shoot him.

TRAVIS: He’s killing him.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I nock an arrow.

MATT: Roll an attack.

TRAVIS: Oh shit. 25.

MATT: Roll damage with sneak attack.

(laughter)

LAURA: We’re so terrible!

TRAVIS: That’s terrible! Eight. Nine. 13.

MATT: As you’re holding him.

SAM: I trust you implicitly. We are in this together 100%.

MATT: “Don’t worry, we’ve got this! All right, we’re going to make our way inside.”

SAM: Friends. Oh no!

TRAVIS: Heal him!

SAM: I can! I will use my medical kit to stabilize him! I pull out the arrow! No, don’t do this to me! Come on, fight! You can come back! I spit into the wound, I close it with my hand.

MATT: I’m going to ask you right now to make an initiative roll to see how fast you are at healing him versus how fast he’s bleeding out from the wound.

SAM: Nine.

MATT: You finish applying the bandages, you’ve pulled out the bolt, and you have the body there. (cough) He rolled a three.

SAM: Bock! Bock-Bock! What’s his name?

LAURA: Borg-Borg!

SAM: Borg-Borg?

MATT: “Just Borg.”

SAM: Borg, I thought I had lost you. I don’t know what happened. All I can say is: I’m sorry and it will never happen again.

MATT: You guys approach as Eden is cradling this freshly bandaged goblin.

LAURA: Did we kill him?

TRAVIS: Oh, you fixed him up?

SAM: Why did you do that?! He’s our ticket in!

LAURA and TRAVIS: Oh!

SAM: I think you can still trust us, all right?

MATT: “Okay.”

TRAVIS: Or you can take that as a sign of things to come if you do it again!

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

TRAVIS: Prepare to feel the– oh, not terrible! 20!

MATT: He goes, “Right. Point making. I’m good. All right.”

TRAVIS: Boy, don’t you call me point making! All right. Inside. Wait. Should we make him look a little better? You almost killed him.

LAURA: Does anybody have any lipstick? And some rouge?

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: I thought we were going to make him pretty.

SAM: I have a robe.

DARIN: I have oil. In certain cases, I’m just saying.

LAURA: I have some bagpipes.

TRAVIS: I have a crowbar.

SAM: You have a bagpipe?

LAURA: I like to play music sometimes, that’s all.

SAM: I think we’re good, let’s just get on with it.

MATT: All right. So as you guys slowly begin to encroach upon the outer elements of this fortress, the points of torchlight burning in these braziers along the top side of it, you can see guards walking back and forth along the edges, shortbows at the side, nocked and ready in case any sign of danger happens. You can see a front– actually, for you guys that are closest, go ahead and make a perception check. TRAVIS: Yeah! 17.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: Nothing.

LAURA: Five.

DARIN: Nine.

MATT: Okay. So as you all stare off and it’s about as much as you can make out. You, however, Skak, looking ahead, you can see: one, there’s a main entrance. There’s two large, eight-foot-wide doors that are currently closed on the north side of the wall. You also see what happens to be a muck-covered mud hole that’s towards the south side, where the wall meets the mountain, where you can see it’s a little swampy and it looks like some of this thick muck and mud meets up to the side of the wall there.

TRAVIS: So the doors lie ahead but I see off to the side a little quagmire.

LAURA: What’s that?

TRAVIS: It’s like mucky, muddier earth and liquid–

LAURA: Oh, we could take a bath!

TRAVIS: We could, yes, or we could see if perhaps there’s a way under the wall.

DARIN: Do you know what that is? Have you been through there before?

MATT: “Well, I’ve seen it, aye.”

DARIN: Have you ever seen anyone go in or out of there?

MATT: “Not intentionally. It’s the shrak hole.”

(groaning)

LAURA: What’s that?

MATT: “I could show you.” (coughs) Its wrapping is all around the face and one eye– it was already swollen from earlier and is now– he’s a wrecked-looking goblin.

LAURA: What happened to your neck?

MATT: “I don’t know.”

TRAVIS: So we either go in through the front door–

SAM: Or the back door.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Oh yes, literally! Oh jeez! Oh gosh.

SAM: I think we should go through the back door.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: (laughs) Okay.

SAM: Hey, shrak happens.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it does. Shrak yeah! Okay, do we send him first? No, because if he gets in, he runs away. I’m just saying.

SAM: Yeah, we’ll go first. Right?

TRAVIS: Which one of us?

DARIN: Who’s the most beaten up? Who’s been through absolute hell?

SAM: You.

DARIN: There’s two things I know. I’m going first–

ALL: And that’s it.

DARIN: I’m going first.

SAM: Go through that shrak hole!

MATT: All right. So I want you guys to all make stealth checks to make your way around that hole without being seen.

SAM: We’re stealthing?

MATT: Yes, and that’s disadvantage for you, Arby, unfortunately. Because you have heavy armor on.

LAURA: (high-pitched) Oh man! But I rolled so well on that first one!

MATT: (high-pitched) Well, roll a second time!

DARIN: So the roll plus dexterity?

MATT: No, it’s a stealth check.

DARIN: Oh, five.

TRAVIS: Five total?

SAM: Nine.

DARIN: It was a one.

TRAVIS: 21.

LAURA: Ten.

MATT: Okay! As you guys quietly make your way over to the shrak hole, you approach the base of the gate there and you hear a voice above you go, “Hey! What are you doing?”

SAM: Bonk! Say something!

MATT: You look up and there’s three archers that all have their bows notched on you, going, “What the hell are you–”

SAM: Brick, say something!

MATT: “Oh. We’re gathering for the alchemist. Getting some more prime shrak for his boomy balls! Yeah!” He’s going to attempt to make a deception– oh, not bad, actually. Let’s see if they– rolling against myself here. “All right. Who are them?”

LAURA: We’re the Forcs!

MATT: “What’s the Forcs?”

LAURA: It’s what you eat with!

SAM: We work for Ur-Gram!

MATT: Make a deception check.

SAM: Oh no. Five.

MATT: One of them starts whispering to the other one and the one that he’s whispering to nods and goes and grabs one of the torches and starts going over towards one of the unlit braziers. You’ve seen these before; they’re used usually as a beacon, a warning, a signal for any sort of undue–

SAM: Let’s go through the shrak hole right away! Fast, charging in!

LAURA: You kill him.

TRAVIS: The guy walking towards the brazier? Yeah, but there are three longbows above us and we have the low ground.

SAM: That’s why we have to go through the shrak hole, as fast as we can!

LAURA: Kill him so he doesn’t light it, then we go into the poop.

TRAVIS: Okay. I eye the guy walking with the torch towards the brazier. Does he look like he intends to light said brazier?

MATT: He looks like he intends to light it.

TRAVIS: I will draw very quickly the crossbow and try and put one in while he’s not looking.

MATT: Go ahead and roll for an attack.

TRAVIS: Rolling with sneak attack.

SAM: How high is the wall, Matt?

LAURA: Is it a surprise attack?

MATT: No, it is not a surprise attack. It’s probably about 15 feet high.

TRAVIS: But is it a sneak attack?

MATT: You weren’t– oh, you were pretty stealthed, the rest weren’t. So yeah, it is now a sneak attack.

TRAVIS: 16 to hit.

MATT: 16 to hit. Yeah, that hits! The archer.

TRAVIS: Okay. Ten, 15, 16, 17.

MATT: All right, so the one that’s walking towards the brazier falls off the wall on the side and slams into the mud there. And the other two archers immediately go–

TRAVIS: (shouting) Go!

MATT: And they both pull and they’re going to both fire arrows down. One of them is going to fire at you– actually they’re both going to fire at you because you killed their friend. You revealed yourself. They suck though– that’s an 11.

TRAVIS: That will miss!

MATT: Yeah. And a ten.

TRAVIS: That misses as well!

MATT: So you duck out on both sides and they both go for secondary arrows and begin running towards the brazier themselves now. What are you guys doing?

LAURA: Oh no! You should hit them too because they’re going to light it.

SAM: I’m going to jump up onto the wall.

LAURA: Can you do that?

SAM: I’m going to use my step of the wind which doubles my jump distance. Distance, does that mean height?

MATT: Well, yeah. But horizontal distance– we’ll say height for this. What’s your strength modifier?

SAM: Four– one. My strength modifier is one.

MATT: Right. It doubles it, so you get (grunts). I’ll say you barely– because of your height. Because you are an olog, you barely get your fingers up on the top. Go ahead and make a strength saving throw to try and pull yourself up.

SAM: Okay. (scoffs) Nine.

MATT: You drop back down. It’s just too high.

LAURA: Are there any rocks around?

MATT: Make an investigation check if you want to.

DARIN: We did take a rest. Did we regain any spells we use?

MATT: No. It’s a long rest.

LAURA: 12.

MATT: A 12? You find a small rock. In your hand, it’s really small.

LAURA: I’m going to try to throw this little rock at one of them.

MATT: Make an attack roll. (laughs)

LAURA: 11!

MATT: It arcs over the wall.

LAURA: I’m used to bigger-sized rocks, is all. Just because they were so–

SAM: To the shrak hole!

LAURA: Wait, you have it. Try to hit it.

TRAVIS: I’m going to try and hit him, one of the last two.

MATT: All right, go for it and they’re going to go again.

TRAVIS: Okay. 15.

MATT: 15 just barely hits!

LAURA: We’ve got to get them before they light the brazier!

SAM: It’ll be okay.

MATT: It’s technically not sneak attack because you’ve already hit them.

TRAVIS: Oh, thank you. Then that is only– it’s only ten.

MATT: Ten damage. Okay, so one of them gets hit and he’s still standing and he’s going to whip around and try to fire back at you. The other one that’s running past is going to go ahead and pull out a torch and try to light it. All right, so that ends your turn. They’re going to go. One is going to take another shot at you. There we go! That is a 24 to hit.

DARIN: Do we all get– I did not make an action.

MATT: Oh shit! That’s right, you didn’t. So you go.

DARIN: Shrak hole.

SAM: Shrak hole.

LAURA: You go in?

DARIN: Yes, I’m going in.

MATT: Okay. So you go ahead and make a– as you dive into it, make an investigation check to try and feel your way through.

LAURA: Eww!

DARIN: Seven.

MATT: You disappear into it and writhe around a bunch to try and reach out for something. It’s very taut. Even your uruk form is having a hard time pulling underneath.

DARIN: Again I feel alive.

MATT: Indeed. (laughs) All right, so you–

TRAVIS: Uncanny dodge, please.

MATT: Yes. That would be seven points of piercing damage, reduced to three and the other guy manages to light the brazier. The light goes bright. The signal has been lit. What are you guys doing?

TRAVIS: We should run to the front door and act like we saw attackers running off in a different direction.

LAURA: That’s really smart.

SAM: Split the party? He’s in shrak right now. I’m going to go in the shrak hole.

LAURA: I’m going to pick up the body of the guy that fell and try to throw him at the other guy.

MATT: Make an attack roll!

LAURA: Yeah? I’m big.

MATT: This is just your strength modifier. You’re not proficient in bodies.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Body chucking’s not a thing?

LAURA: Eight.

MATT: Eight? (laughs) You slam it against the wall. It slides down and hits the ground. You hear this horrible crunching sound as a number of previously unbroken bones are now freshly broken in the dead body. You have another attack if you want to walk up and try it again.

LAURA: I want to try it again but this time, since I didn’t throw him high enough, I’m going to spin around and try to lob him up. Yeah.

MATT: Okay. Make another attack roll with a crumpled body.

LAURA: (laughs) That’s terrible! Seven!

MATT: You release a little too early and it (heavy impact) hits the wall right next to you. One of the arms tears and flies off against the mud. You liquefied his insides at this point.

LAURA: He’s not feeling very good.

TRAVIS: Are we going into the shrak hole?

SAM: I’m going into the shrak hole!

LAURA: How big is the shrak hole? Can all of us fit in there?

MATT: Well, as you dive in, it pushes you out the other side. You get shoved out, plopped out, covered in shrak. And you look around, immediately you can see, as you wipe your eyes off the shrak, everybody is now starting to look around at the signal and begin to grab their weapons and start preparing for an incursion. You dive into it. You get halfway in– this is a very small space underneath and you’re a very large olog. I’m going to need you to make either an athletics check or an acrobatics check to try and push through. Your choice.

SAM: Acrobatics. 19.

MATT: 19. You push through and watch as the bottom of the wall splinters and breaks, but you manage to make your way through and now, you stand up behind Mozuu, a good number of feet taller than him, also covered in shrak and you both now look around at this chaos happening. What are you doing?

LAURA: Well, go in, Skak.

TRAVIS: No. Yes, and I jump in. I jump in after him, in the shrak hole.

MATT: All right. You dive in. The space has been opened, thankfully. You follow through. They paved the path.

TRAVIS: Oh, I could barely make it through! So big.

MATT: You glide through and now it’s just you and your friend, Borg, who’s looking at the archers. Well, the archers, the one that’s with the torch is going to go ahead and try and take another shot. They’re both taking a shot. One’s going to be at you and one’s going to be at you, now that you guys are on that side. Against you, that is a 21.

TRAVIS: Hits.

MATT: You take– ooh, nine points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Uncanny dodge. No, I already used my reaction.

MATT: Well, you used it from last time, so it returns. So you have it back again. You can use it– yeah. okay, it’s reduced to four points of piercing damage. And then one against you is a 14.

LAURA: Doesn’t hit me.

MATT: It breaks off the armor. They’re both firing arrows down at you. All right, so what are you guys doing? You glide underneath as they fire at you. You slip under. You’re back there with Borg.

LAURA: I’m telling Borg to go through before me. Go on.

MATT: Dives in, like slowly wades into it (groans) and goes under and pushes his way through without an issue.

LAURA: All right. I’m going to gingerly lower myself into the shrak and then go under slowly.

MATT: Okay. As you guys get up on the other side, you can now see about 40 to 50 various uruk have now gathered at the base of the wall where you’re standing. They’re all armored and ready, their weapons are drawn and you are completely surrounded on the interior of this wall. Nothing but liquid shrak at your back, as you all stand there but they’re all keeping at bay. You watch as a hand comes up behind the crowd and goes, “Hold!” Everyone was like– they are ready to tear at you but they begin to part at the center and you watch with heavy steps as an olog-hai approaches with a giant, mutated underbite with tusks that reach up past the nostril. The eyes peek through from heavily scarred muscle tissue where a face once existed, but has since been torn and not healed very well over. You see, clutching a giant greataxe in its grasp, what you assume to be Ur-Gram the Face-Eater, who’s approached and goes, “Who? Who enters my home?”

DARIN: The Bright Lord called to us.

MATT: Make a deception check.

DARIN: 15.

MATT: “The Bright Lord, you say?”

DARIN: Yes.

MATT: “Then stand at me! Walk up and prove you bear the mark!”

DARIN: I bear no mark yet. I desire to. I’ve literally gone through shrak for this moment. The Bright Lord spoke to me in my head. He told me, the strong take what they want. And I want to be part of the Bright Lord’s army.

MATT: At this point, you see Ur-Gram is taken aback by this response and glances over his shoulders. He steps back and you hear a voice from behind him go, “Let me see this orc. Bring him before me.” And as Ur-Gram steps aside, you see a human male standing with long, somewhat-tattered dark hair, beard towards the base of the chin, wearing leather and hide armor and bits of chainmail beneath a dark cloak with a single long blade extended to one side. All the rest of the various uruks around the area separate and back away. As they do, you see a familiar flash in their eyes, that strange gray-white light that you saw when you first had your fortress attacked. The human man walks forward. “You say you came this far for the Bright Lord. Then come. Stand before me. Be marked as you say your request.”

LAURA: (whispering) Mozuu! Mozuu!

SAM: (whispering) He’s been chosen.

DARIN: I walk towards the Bright Lord. I kneel before the Bright Lord. I am Mozuu the Chosen. Choose me, Bright Lord.

MATT: As he looks down upon this snivelling uruk, his hand protrudes forward and you see for a second, the outer image of his form begin to shimmer and for a moment, you see a familiar sight you’ve only seen towards the outskirts of the dead waste and swamps on the western side of Mordor. You see spiritual energy pull out of him and you see for a brief instant, a wraith-like form of some long-dead elf that marks the exterior of his body. As the hand reaches forward, this voice echoes around. “Come. May you join the rest of this army.” Takes the hand and places it against the side of Mozuu’s face.

LAURA: I scream out, No! And run forward and try to tackle him. Manswine!

(laughter)

MATT: I need you all to roll initiative right now.

TRAVIS: Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!

DARIN: That’s really something!

LAURA: Oh shrak, oh shrak, oh shrak!

DARIN: So much for that idea.

MATT: Okay. You rolled a 12 initiative?

DARIN: Yeah.

MATT: All right. So we have–

SAM: Nine here.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: 18.

MATT: Oh wow. You are dead even with the tark.

TRAVIS: 16 for me.

MATT: Okay. All right, so top of the round. Arby. As you go charging forward right as the hand reaches to grab the side of Mozuu’s face, what are you going to do?

LAURA: I’m going to–

MATT: Make a shove attack or try and push him out of the way?

LAURA: I was trying to push him off of Mozuu.

MATT: Okay then. Making a shove attack for your first strike. I believe I need you to make an athletics check. I’m checking here. It doesn’t happen too often.

LAURA: 20!

MATT: 20. Okay. Yep, contested against athletics or acrobatics. All righty. Weirdly enough, you manage to get in fast enough. Your large olog-hai form (heavy footsteps) and slam with your shoulder into this tark. He goes flying off, spinning in the air and landing, barely catching himself as he skids back about ten feet or so. Looks up at you and still the wraith form is on the outside. The eyes flash with this vibrant scary white light and the wraith form fits back into the body. As the tark stands to his feet, the blade at his side and goes, “Very well. So you’ve chosen death.”

LAURA: (shouting) Death!

(laughter)

MATT: All right. So you still have another attack if you want to take it.

LAURA: Okay! I want to keep attacking him! I don’t know which dice to use though. Okay! 26!

MATT: 26 hits!

LAURA: (shouting) Man-filth! 14!

MATT: (laughs) 14 points of damage. Nice! All right. So as you hit him, you hear a ringing out behind him, the voice of the Face-Eater himself, Ur-Gram says, “Gravewalker! Smash the invaders!”

TRAVIS: Oh jeez.

LAURA: We’re all going to die!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: There’s only 40 of them. 40 or 50.

MATT: All right. So at this point, the gravewalker, who’s now up in front of you, takes the hit and glares back at you with the burning white eyes. He’s going to go ahead and make two strikes on you with Urfael, his sword. That is a 21.

LAURA: That hits me.

MATT: And that is seven points of slashing damage. And 19.

LAURA: Ugh. That also hits.

MATT: That is six points of slashing damage and then he is going to go ahead and attempt a shadow strike attack. As it strikes you twice with the sword, sidesteps to the side and looks around at you and that is a 16. What’s your armor class?

TRAVIS: 16!

MATT: 16! It hits you! As you watch the gravewalker suddenly vanishes from his place, a streak of vibrant white light shoots between the two of you and appears right in front of you, before striking down. That’s an 18 to hit?

TRAVIS: (laughs) Yeah, it hits!

MATT: All right. You suffer five points of– I’m sorry, nine points of slashing damage and four points of radiant damage.

TRAVIS: Whoa, so can I use uncanny dodge on the slashing but not the radiant?

MATT: Well, it’s against the whole attack.

TRAVIS: So 13 points down to seven?

MATT: Correct. Down to six, it would be. All right. And that’s going to end the gravewalker’s turn. All right. Ending that, Skak, you’re up.

TRAVIS: (shrieks) Please! Let us live! Let us live! I want to be with you! And I will aim my crossbow over at Eden.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: And I’ll pull the trigger.

MATT: (laughs) Okay! Roll. Go for it.

TRAVIS: Is he within melee of one of my 40 or 50 of my new allies?

MATT: No. What was once an ally is now no longer–

TRAVIS: 23.

SAM: That hits, but I’ll use deflect missiles.

MATT: Roll for damage.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Ah, shit! Seven.

SAM: I reduce that by more than seven points.

MATT: So as you fire the crossbow bolt, you watch as Eden–

SAM: (catches bolt) (bolt whooshes)

TRAVIS: Oh!

(laughter)

MATT: So you spend a ki point and go ahead and roll an attack with it. It’s considered proficient.

LAURA: Oh my god. You get to attack him?

MATT: Yeah. If you reduce the damage past what it did, you get to throw it back at him.

LAURA: That’s awesome!

SAM: 16. I rolled a 16 plus I don’t know.

MATT: Yeah, that hits! So go and roll damage. So it’s a d8 plus your dexterity.

SAM: Oh. My dexterity is plus four.

MATT: Yeah. So d8 plus four.

TRAVIS: (scared voice) Play along! Tell a joke!

SAM: Eight plus four.

MATT: 12 points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: I can’t use uncanny dodge–

MATT: No, you already used it! (laughs)

LAURA: What are you at right now?

TRAVIS: Eight.

MATT: Good to know. All right, at the end of your turn– you still have a bonus action if you want to try something.

TRAVIS: I want to hide behind the gravewalker’s legs!

(laughter)

MATT: Okay! So you move behind the gravewalker? All right, at the end of your turn, he’s going to use two of his legendary actions to try a dominate on you.

TRAVIS: Me?

MATT: Yes. So as you reach behind–

SAM: You’ve shown yourself to be weak.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I was born this way.

MATT: It’s an 18. So he reaches behind and as he’s still staring forward, grasps the side of your face and you feel this burning, singeing sensation. Make a wisdom saving throw.

TRAVIS: 13.

MATT: 13. The mark, the brand of the gravewalker now burned into your face. You see the majesty of the Bright Lord before you and you understand. This is the one to follow.

TRAVIS: This is the one to follow.

MATT: So whereas you may have decided to change allegiance before, it’s solidified now. You are working for the gravewalker.

TRAVIS: Yes! Bright Lord!

MATT: All right. That ends that turn. Mozuu, you’re up. The rest of the uruks are stepping back and watching this. They’re just enjoying the fray.

DARIN: I stand ready to be chosen.

MATT: (laughs) So you stay there and still kneeling, 20 feet away? All righty. That’s your whole–

DARIN: There’s two things I know. The Bright Lord is my new master and I am merely Mozuu unless you choose me.

MATT: (evil laughter) Perfect. All right, that ends Mozuu’s turn. Eden, you’re up, having just thrown the bolt back at Skak.

SAM: I look over at Arby, trying to get a sense of what– is she on my side?

(laughter)

LAURA: I got a lot of shrak falling off me right now.

SAM: (sighs) This is not going to end well. Our leader, Barfta, told us if we found where they were, that would be a reward. I’m going to leave.

(laughter)

SAM: I can’t win this fight!

MATT: All right. So–

TRAVIS: Not with that attitude!

SAM: Everyone’s turning into bad guys!

TRAVIS: Well, technically, we are bad guys.

SAM: That’s right. Oh, I don’t know what to do! I can’t beat that guy. He’s a wraith! I’m going to–

MATT: You’re going to run?

SAM: –spend my last ki point and run as fast as I can through the shrak.

MATT: You’re like– dive back into the shrak hole underneath. It’s easy enough for you to push past now, since you made way earlier. You pop out on the other side and start bolting away. All right. At the end of your turn, the gravewalker’s going to go ahead and use his last legendary action– seeing you dart away, he’s going to turn back towards you. He’s going to go ahead and the blade goes away for a second and pulls his bow, Azkar, out and pulls back an arrow, releases it. Actually, that’s a 12! Rolled really low.

LAURA: I dodge it. It’s all the shrak on me, it slips off.

MATT: It slips off and you’re unmoving. Unbreakable, even.

LAURA: Unbreakable!

MATT: All right. Back to the top. It’s now Arby and the gravewalker’s turn.

LAURA: I run over and I try to hit him!

MATT: All right, you rush, maul swinging in the air. Go for it.

LAURA: Oh no! That’s 11!

MATT: 11? You go and swing and you watch as the form shimmies by and he dodges right out of the way, preternaturally fast.

LAURA: You’re tricky, you! I try to hit him again!

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Oh no! That’s only 11, again!

MATT: (laughs) The second swing goes wide and for a second, you’re sure you made contact but in the space where the hammer goes, you watch as the gravewalker stands back into place. “You sow chaos and invite it.”

LAURA: I don’t even know what you mean.

MATT: “Bow or crumple before your Bright Lord. The choice matters not, for death has already found me once and lost.” And he’s going to go ahead and attempt a wraith stun attack against you. That is 23 to hit?

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: All right. You take ten points of radiant damage.

LAURA: I’m going to use my troll’s endurance! And I’m going to take that down by ten.

MATT: By ten? So it hits you and you resist the damage but I still need you to make a constitution saving throw.

LAURA: Oh no. 21!

MATT: Okay. You feel the impact, the wraith energies, but your physical form, being a tough olog-hai, you resist the stunning effect of the strike and push through it. No stun on you whatsoever. And then he’s going to go ahead and follow up with two more attacks with Urfael, as the bow’s been put by the side. He’s going to swing twice with the blade against you. That is a 15? It just slides off your armor. Second strike, that’s cocked. Natural one.

ALL: Yeah!

MATT: So he swings a second time and you actually catch the blade in your hand. You feel it like cutting into your grip a little bit, but you tighten as you stare down at the gravewalker. Unmoved at this threatening presence that’s looking up at you, like it’s only an inevitability.

LAURA: I’m a boss fight, pig-skin!

(laughter) MATT: All right. So that’s going to go ahead and end their turn. Skak, you’re up.

TRAVIS: I serve the Bright Master! Can I hold my attack and ask for one of the large uruks or uruk-hais to pick me up and throw me above the wall so I can take a crossbow shot at fleeing Eden?

MATT: Sure, you glance off to the side and one of the ologs who’s off to the side there, has chains around the chest, you can see maybe it was more of the physical-handy ologs as opposed to warrior. Looks at you with a nod. Make a persuasion check.

TRAVIS: We all must serve, answer the call! Yeah, that’s going to be a 19.

MATT: 19! The olog picks you up and gives you an alley-oop into the air. Yeah, easily enough, you arc up. Make an acrobatics check to try and land your feet on the wall.

TRAVIS: 21.

MATT: You land on the edge of the wall and you glance up, just passing, you can see Eden darting away.

TRAVIS: We cannot flee!

MATT: Make an attack!

TRAVIS: Does he know what’s coming? Any chance of sneak attack? He’s on the other side of the wall.

MATT: I will say, he’s not aware of your presence. Sure, I’ll allow it.

TRAVIS: Yeah! 15, 17, 18.

MATT: 18 points of piercing damage.

SAM: I will use my troll’s endurance to reduce that by 11 points.

LAURA: Seven points.

MATT: So crossbow bolt catches you in the back of the shoulder blades, right where the spine meets them. Your body tenses for a second.

SAM: I touch the arrow and I say, ugh! He’s right. Forcs don’t run. They stick in meat and they stay there forever. And I turn around and I run back into the shrak hole!

(laughing)

MATT: All right, so when you get to your turn, you’re bolting back. All right. So Mozuu, it’s back up to your turn.

DARIN: Can I hold it until the actions are done?

MATT: I mean, pretty much everyone else is gone.

DARIN: Can I speak to the Bright Lord? I said I heard the voice of Sauron. I lied. I never heard anything, but I will hear your voice if you would speak to me.

MATT: Okay. You use that as your action? All right, at the top. It is Arby and Talion’s turn. So, what are you doing?

LAURA: Do I still have a hold of his blade?

MATT: Currently, yeah.

LAURA: Oh, yeah. Can I try to smack it with himself and say stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!

MATT: Sure. All right. Go ahead and make– this would be an athletics versus athletics.

LAURA: A 14.

MATT: 23. As you attempt to do it, he pulls the blade from your grasp. Cuts your hand a little bit but nothing too major.

LAURA: All right, then I’m going to try to attack him then.

MATT: So you have one more attack.

LAURA: That is a 20!

MATT: 20 hits!

LAURA: Seven plus five is 12.

MATT: All right. 12 points of damage. This time, the gravewalker gets taken off his feet a little bit. He rolls a little bit, just around the side and gets back up to his feet, maybe five feet, almost ten feet from you. Blade’s still out, looks at you, looks at the surrounding scenarios. Seems to become somewhat impressed by the fact that you’re still fighting in the midst of such immeasurable danger. LAURA: And as my bonus action, I’m going to take my second wind. I’m going to take 1d10 and add five to it. So 14 points of damage added back! MATT: There you go. At which point, the gravewalker turns his back on you and steps towards Mozuu and says, “Then prove to me. Prove to me you have what it takes.” And reaches down and grabs your face, this time finally making contact. Go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw. You can opt to not resist it if you’d like to.

DARIN: That is 16.

MATT: Do you want to resist it or you want to let it happen?

DARIN: I’m on board.

MATT: Then you don’t need to make a saving throw. Then that being the case, the brand burns in the side of your face. You watch as Mozuu’s eyes flare with a vibrant energy. And as it fades, you now see that indeed, this prophecy you spoke earlier seems to be true.

DARIN: I’m truly chosen.

MATT: You are now. As the brand is there, you glance back and see the pittance that is the existence of your previous allies. And the Bright Lord, as you stand up, goes, “Kill for me.” And looks back towards Arby.

TRAVIS: Not me, we’re on the same team!

DARIN: Right, buddy!

TRAVIS: Betrayers unite!

MATT: And with that, he’s going to go ahead and pull back Azkar and take two arrow shots at you. That is a 23.

LAURA: Oh, that hits me!

MATT: And a 19.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: All right. That is 11 points of piercing damage and seven points of piercing damage. Both arrows slam into your armor; you can feel the plates break and crumble. These are not normal arrows, not with the strength that they’re being tossed at you. That’s going to end the gravewalker’s turn. Skak, you’re up. You can see Eden running back.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Crossbow.

MATT: You want to try and hide first?

TRAVIS: Oh! Does it up my– if I’m from a hidden position?

MATT: Well, if you can manage to hide and move and he’s not aware of where you are? I’ll allow it.

TRAVIS: I will use my bonus action to try and hide.

MATT: Okay. So make a stealth check.

TRAVIS: 27.

MATT: Make a perception check if you like, Eden.

SAM: Natural 20.

TRAVIS: Oh my god!

MATT: So right as he’s running, he glances up and catches you. Skak, make your attack. No sneak attack on this one, unfortunately.

TRAVIS: Damn! Oh, that’s pretty good. 25.

SAM: That hits, but I will catch that shit. I mean, catch that shrak and throw it back.

MATT: Do you have any ki left?

SAM: It doesn’t say I need ki!

MATT: To throw it back, you need to spend a ki.

SAM: Oh, I see. I can catch it.

TRAVIS: 12 points of damage, and I will use fury of the small to add five extra damage to it, so 17.

SAM: I rolled 17.

MATT: What?!

SAM: It’s 1d10 plus nine. So I rolled an eight.

TRAVIS: What happens?

MATT: So as he’s running, and just catches it.

TRAVIS: It’s not fair. It’s not fair! I can only do that once a day!

MATT: All right. Ending Skak’s turn. Mozuu, you’re up.

DARIN: Sorry.

LAURA: Yeah, you’re real sorry. Chosen.

DARIN: I leap at Arb-Uruk and attempt to rip her throat out.

MATT: All right. Make an athletics check against Arb-Uruk. You make an athletics check as well, as it’s opposed.

DARIN: 20.

LAURA: Oh, no. Athletics. Oh no, he gets me. 12.

MATT: So you leap onto the front of her. Which, by the way, you’re small in comparison. You’re like this spider climbing up the body up to the throat. Go ahead and make an attack.

DARIN: Okay. 16 plus three. 19.

MATT: 19. Armor class is 18. Roll a d4 plus your strength modifier.

DARIN: That is a five.

MATT: So you take five points of piercing damage as Mozuu begins biting chunks out of your throat.

DARIN: Do I get another attack or is leaping the attack?

MATT: I’ll consider leaping as part of it.

DARIN: That’s a good thing. Sorry.

TRAVIS: Sorry!

MATT: All right. Eden, you’re up.

SAM: Do I have enough movement to get under the shrak hole?

MATT: As you ran and then came right back, you come up from underneath and you’re out of the shrak hole and you see now Mozuu latched onto Arb-Uruk, biting into the throat.

SAM: I’m going to attack Mozuu.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Or is the Bright–

MATT: The Bright Lord is not that far from you. You can get to the Bright Lord. You’re pretty fast.

LAURA: Attack Mozuu!

SAM: I’ll attack Mozuu. I choose Mozuu the Chosen.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Mozuu!

DARIN: Mozuu!

SAM: 20 to hit.

MATT: 20 to hit? That hits Mozuu, I think.

DARIN: Oh yes, I’m at 18. Otherwise known as, ow.

SAM: Eight plus four. 12.

MATT: So 12 points of bludgeoning damage as out of nowhere, Eden rushes forward and slams you in the side of the body. Almost knocking you off of Arb-Uruk but not quite strong enough to do so.

SAM: A second attack. 11 plus seven. 18 to hit!

MATT: That hits. Roll damage again!

SAM: Two plus four. So that’s six more points of damage.

MATT: Six more points of bludgeoning damage. And you have your bonus action still, if you want to.

SAM: Oh! One more hit. This is an open-handed hit, right?

MATT: I believe so, yeah.

SAM: No good. That’s a 13 to hit.

MATT: 13. The third and final hit, you manage to deflect it with your with your arm. It makes no impact there. Ending Eden’s turn. Up to you and the gravewalker.

LAURA: Can I grab a hold of Mozuu and rip him off me and then hit the gravewalker with him?

MATT: Sure! Go for it!

MATT: So make an athletics check and you make an athletics check as well.

LAURA: 13.

DARIN: Ten.

MATT: Yeah, you tear him off. Go ahead and make an attack roll. You don’t get the proficiency bonus on this but you still get your strength bonus.

LAURA: Just my strength modifier? 18.

MATT: 18 hits the gravewalker! His AC is 17! I’ll say for this one, roll a d6 and add your strength modifier.

SAM: Kill the tark! For the glory of the uruk!

MATT: You don’t get to reroll your damage roll because he’s not considered–

LAURA: He’s not a two-handed weapon?

MATT: Sure! You know what, sure! I’ll let him be a two-handed weapon. Yeah, I’ll allow it.

LAURA: So that’s ten.

MATT: So ten points of bludgeoning damage to both you and the gravewalker.

DARIN: Guess what?

MATT and TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: You’re unconscious?

MATT: After the hit, Mozuu goes limp in your hand and you’re flailing him around in the grasp. The gravewalker takes the hit, looks up at you. He’s going to go ahead and make one strike with Urfael. That is 20.

LAURA: Oh no! It hits me.

MATT: All right, you take eight points of slashing damage. And that is a 22 to hit.

LAURA: Oh god. It gets me.

MATT: You take 12 points of slashing damage.

LAURA: Oh no! I’m unconscious!

MATT: You’re unconscious? All right, as you fall unconscious and collapse to the ground, he reaches down and grasps the side of your face and you feel this urge of energy come up from underneath and as your eyes flare open, you see the burning, vibrant eyes of the wraith within the gravewalker say, “Stand and join me.” Do you want to resist or not? Make a will save to resist, if you want.

LAURA: I’m going to try and resist it.

MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw.

LAURA: Oh shit! 19.

MATT: And you do. Brought back to the brink, there the gravewalker stands ahead of you. As you resist, he goes, “Fine. I gave you a choice.” Spins the blade around and takes you out from that point.

SAM: Is she dead?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Dead dead?

TRAVIS: Yep. Dead.

LAURA: I didn’t get turnt! And it was worth it!

MATT: Skak, your turn, up on the edge of the wall.

TRAVIS: Can I try and resist the domination? That I’m under the hold?

MATT: No.

TRAVIS: No. Then I will gladly take a– can I jump down from the wall? No, crossbow. Is he within melee of anybody for sneak attack?

MATT: Actually, yeah. He would have been in melee with her, which means he’s right next to Talion. So, yeah.

TRAVIS: All right. Crossbow right at him.

SAM: I don’t think I have another resistance to this this time, I mean, is it cycled through again?

MATT: It would be because you’ve gone since last time.

TRAVIS: With my bonus, can I try and hide?

MATT: You may.

TRAVIS: That’s 26.

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: It’s not good. It’s like eight.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: How do I get advantage on the rolls? Sneak attack?

MATT: Well, you do now that he doesn’t see you.

TRAVIS: Okay great, come on. Damn it! Okay, that’s fine. 18.

MATT: 18 hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TRAVIS: Aw. 12, 15, 20.

SAM: I resist 18 points of damage.

TRAVIS: Damn it!

But the tip goes into your chin.

MATT: Oh my god. That’s so great. I love it. I love it so much.

TRAVIS: Dang it, Eden! Just take it! Take the arrow!

SAM: I’m making a nice collection of your arrows.

TRAVIS: Throw it at the Bright Lord!

MATT: All right, that ends your turn, Skak.

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: Mozuu’s unconscious.

DARIN: Mozuu’s dead.

MATT: Mozuu’s pretty gone. Eden, you’re up.

SAM: Yes. All right, Bright Lord, let’s see what you got! Hi-ya!

LAURA: Shrak is flinging everywhere.

MATT: Yeah. All across.

SAM: 13! Ugh! Nine! Bonus action! Oh! 18 plus seven, that’s 25!

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll a d6 plus damage.

SAM: Oh, you’ve got a mark on your face from my hand! Oh, it’s a poo mark! That’s the mark of the shrak! The shrak lord! One!

MATT: Plus?

SAM: Plus four, I guess?

MATT: All right, so five damage. He’s going to use a legendary action at the end of your turn to do dominate on you. He goes, “One mark for another, uruk brother.” Reaches forward to grasp at you. Natural 20. Make a wisdom saving throw.

SAM: I mean, you got a 20!

MATT: I’ll say disadvantage on the wisdom saving throw, because of the natural 20.

SAM: Yeah. So seven?

MATT: As the brand of the gravewalker burns into your face, suddenly you see now the vision of glory, the possible downfall of the Dark Lord and a new beginning under the Bright Lord here in Mordor. And as he pulls the hand away, now the fray has come to a calm. The villains and the current scenario from there and now, your perspective now ended. The rest of the uruk begin to gather around. Face-eater Ur-Gram comes up behind and the gravewalker looks about to invite those that survived the fray now under his grasp. "Come. We must salvage the shreds. I mean to carve my way northwest.” You watch now as a red-orange flare off in the distance up in the clouds signifies the volcanic explosion within Mount Doom far, far away. “Stand at my side, orcs. For we march on Barad-dűr. The time of the Dark Lord wanes in the wake of the Bright Lord’s wrath.” And that’s where we’re going to end it tonight.

(cheering)

LAURA: That was awesome!

MATT: Well done, guys!

TRAVIS: That was fun!

LAURA: I died!

TRAVIS: I want you to know that after that ended, I went up and shot Eden in his sleep. To rise through the ranks.

MATT: And there you have it.

TRAVIS: My warchief ambitions.

DARIN: Well, we tried to hit every angle of the orcs in the game.

LAURA: That was so fun!

MATT: That was great. Guys, well done. That was a blast.

SAM: But not as fun as the game that’s coming out on October 10. It’s called “Mordor, Mordor, Mordor.”

DARIN: No it is not!

MATT: Shadow of War, coming out October 10. Also out on iOS and for Android. WB Games, thank you so much for making this happen. We had a blast. Hope you guys had a good time.

TRAVIS: That shadow strike is real in the game, too. It’s legit.

MATT: All right. Well, have a wonderful day. And is it Thursday yet? Bye.

[music]