Transcript:Treacherous Toys

Pre-show
MATT: Hello everybody, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

ALL: (clamoring) We play Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT: (laughs) Whoa, whoa. We're doing great.

TRAVIS: (sad trombone)

MATT: (laughs) That was a lot. Yeah, So, welcome. Glad you could join us. Before we jump into tonight's episode, we do have some announcements to get through, beginning with our first sponsor, nobody. Finishing with that sponsorship announcement, Marisha and Sam!

MARISHA: Oh my gosh.

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: You guys.

SAM: Yes!

MARISHA: We are super excited to announce that next week on Tuesday, April 11th.

SAM: 11th!

(laughter)

SAM: 11, it's a one and a one.

TRAVIS: No.

MARISHA: April 11th, we will be launching a new narrative podcast that we are bringing under the Critical Role banner called Midst!

SAM: Midst!

ASHLEY: Woo!

SAM: Midst is an immersive, semi-improvised story. Campaign? Saga? Epic tale? I don't know. It's told by a trio of mysterious narrators called Third Person, and when Marisha and I first heard it, we were super duper instantly hooked.

MARISHA: It's so good, you guys. The story is incredibly cool. It's set in this space western town of Stationary Hill on the Islet of Midst.

SAM: Midst, it's fun to say.

MARISHA: It's very fun to say.

SAM: Midst.

TRAVIS: (whisperinG) Midst.

MARISHA: Which floats in this sea of otherworldly fog called The Fold.

TRAVIS: (whispering) The Fold.

MARISHA: Then it mainly follows three characters, which are a crochety outlaw.

SAM: Grr.

MARISHA: A struggling cultist.

SAM: Ooh.

MARISHA: And just a diabolical bastard--

SAM: Arg.

MARISHA: -- whom I love.

ASHLEY: Grr!

(laughter)

MARISHA: Their paths all cross and intersect in really bizarre and fascinating ways.

TRAVIS: It's really good.

SAM: The world is brought to life by three very strange narrators and the storytelling is totally unlike anything you've ever heard before. It's super cool.

MARISHA: Yeah, it's actually one of the things that we fell in love with the most, it's the way that they deliver this story.

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: We're so excited to be working with the creators, who honestly remind us a lot of how Critical Role got started.

SAM and TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: Because it's-- just a group of friends who wanted to tell a cool story together and turned it into a show. Now, Midst is a podcast--

SAM: But.

MARISHA: -- as we have mentioned, but!

SAM: But!

MARISHA: We've also given each episode a visual spin with lightly animated scenes to accompany the audio, which really just helps plunge you deeper into the world.

LAURA: Help plunge.

MARISHA: Plunge!

SAM: So, join us on April 11th--

TRAVIS: No, that's not--

ASHLEY: No!

TRAVIS: Just do-- That's four.

LAURA: Please.

(laughter)

SAM: -- for the first three episodes of season one. The first three episodes of season one will roll out for free for everyone to check out. Paid subscribers can experience the first five episodes instantly.

MARISHA: Yeah, going forward, look to the Midst-le of the week.

TRAVIS: Yo, this must stop.

ASHLEY: Oh boy!

TRAVIS: It's got to stop.

MARISHA: Yeah, which is--

TALIESIN: What does that mean?

SAM: Wednesdays.

MARISHA: Wednesdays--

ASHLEY: Wow.

MARISHA: -- for anyone who didn't know. New weekly subscribers, or sorry, new weekly episodes happen on Wednesdays. Paid subscribers will always have two episodes ahead--

ASHLEY: Don't yell at them, Marisha.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Two episodes ahead of the free feeds as a thank you for supporting these fresh, new, innovative creatives.

SAM: Find Midst at Midst.co on your favorite podcast app, and on Critical You--

MARISHA: (laughs)

SAM: Fuck. -- and on Critical Role's YouTube channel. Welcome to The Fold! Matt, back to you.

(cheering)

MATT: Super excited to have Midst. I'm going to say it over and over again. Midst.

MARISHA: Midst.

MATT: It's fun to say.

LIAM: In our midst.

MATT: Midst, exactly. Sounds German, almost. Anyway, Laura, you got some merch stuff.

LAURA: I do have some merch stuff! Marisha.

MARISHA: Oh my goodness.

LAURA: This is in honor of Marisha murdering people at Creator Clash. We now have--

ASHLEY: Let's go.

LAURA: A Pop Pop t-shirt!

MATT: Yeah!

ASHLEY: Pop, pop!

LAURA: What what! It's raising funds for the Critical Role Foundation.

SAM: Oh, really?

MATT: Yep, yep.

SAM: That's so cool!

LAURA: Pretty cool! You can get it in time for the Creator Clash on April 15th if you order now. Now, now, now, now, now.

SAM: That's awesome.

LAURA: By the way, this is US only. Sorry, folks, don't at me.

(laughter)

MATT: (old time-y radio voice) Not right. Get on that, you old character!

LAURA: This one will be available worldwide in all of our CR shops.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

LAURA: These are our Ashton workout leggings.

(cheering)

MATT: Oh, those are rad, Ashton.

LAURA: Or not workout leggings. You can just wear them, you know, to go around.

SAM: Those are cool!

LAURA: Look, they say, "Just don't."

SAM: Oh!

TRAVIS: On the ass! On the ass!

TALIESIN: Right there.

LAURA: Well, yeah.

SAM: Yeah, so if you're doing a yoga pose, someone's just looking right at that.

LAURA: It's like, don't! Just don't!

ASHLEY: Just don't.

TALIESIN: Just fucking don't.

LAURA: Because they're probably going to fart on you!

MATT: Yeah.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Down the calf? That's awesome.

SAM: Don't fart on you.

LAURA: They're really cool. I've worn them--

MATT: That's awesome.

LAURA: -- to the gym, and I got many compliments, and nobody knew that they were CR.

TRAVIS: What compliments?

ASHLEY: (gasping)

MARISHA: Wait, what?

TRAVIS and ASHLEY: (laugh)

LAURA: Anyway--

ASHLEY: Excuse me?

LAURA: Both designs are by Jordyn Torrence.

(laughter)

LAURA: They're really cool. Check them out, ta-da!

ASHLEY: ♪ (triumphant fanfare) ♪

MATT: That's kind of like the Just Don't answer to the Juicy brand.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Juicy, just don't.

TALIESIN: Don't.

MATT: Fantastic.

LAURA: They're great.

MATT: I think that concludes our announcements.

TRAVIS: Ooh!

MATT: So, let's go ahead and jump into--

TALIESIN: So fast?

MATT: -- tonight's episode of--

TRAVIS: Midst-le.

MATT: Critical Role.

TRAVIS: (roars)

Part I
MATT: And welcome back.

(laughter)

MATT: So, last we left off, In the wake of the strange cataclysmic event that seemed to occur in Marquet at the behest of Ludinus Da'leth, Bells Hells has been divided and suddenly scattered to the four-- (tune of "Suddenly Seymour") ♪ Suddenly scattered ♪ to the four winds of Exandria.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: No hesitation.

MATT: Nope. With FCG, Chetney, Fearne, and Imogen finding themselves in the Crystalsands Tundra, journeying towards Uthodurn where they gathered two new friends, Deanna and FRIDA, some with some history with some of the group that they encountered. Upon returning to the town and beginning to figure out that other strange enchantments and magics have been altered about this solstice and still continue to reveal the impact of this event, one of which happened to be some sort of incursion or attack at the depths of Uthodurn itself. With the gathered soldiers, Glassblades, and royal sentinels, at the ready, they closed the massive gates to protect most of those that could escape, including the king and queen. You all, rightfully, without a second thought, jumped in after your heroic Aeormaton here.

SAM: Yeah.

AABRIA: "Rightfully." Interesting. Interesting choice.

MATT: Yeah, yeah. That was an option.

LAURA: Interesting choice.

SAM: We got to do it. We got to do it, guys.

ASHLEY and MATT: Yeah.

MATT: Trekked into the citadel and encountered the terrifying, massive, bull-like beast that had been freed from its long-standing petrified prison. After a brief absorbing of its terrifying attack brunt, mainly you, Fearne, you eschewed combat and instead attempted to contact this entity and ascertain what was agitating it. After managing to calm it down and convince it that you were not enemies, you walked it through the center of the Auger Trail in front of the populace of Uthodurn and set it free once more into the open air of Exandria in search of the forest from where it once came many, many years ago. Most of you, at least. You stayed behind in the throne room and stole a bunch of shit, and then escaped through a tunnel, covered yourself in blood, and then gave yourself to the protectors of the realm within the city--

TRAVIS: Help me!

MATT: -- to help bind your wounds.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I need assistance.

MATT: So, the rest of you, after watching this entity slowly trek on into the dark expanse beyond on the horizon, turn around, and a number of the Glassblades who were stationed on the outskirts of the entrance of the city, you notice are all aghast at the sight they just saw. Upon meeting some of your gazes, look away. Some give a little bit of a clap, others give a nod, and a respectful, you know, salute. As you turn back into the city, you trek back into the sounds of cheers, roused voices as much of the populace that seemed to have followed behind you as well as a number of the Glassblades that were also keeping the peace in the populace, but also trying to keep an eye on what the hell was going on here, greet you within the entryway with laughter and calls and whoops and cheers. Many individuals start rushing up to you. You know, kids and dwarven mothers rushing up, "Oh, who are you? Where are you coming from? Oh goodness, what was that? Are you seeing this?" "Ooh, I got to say, if you're looking for a sponsorship here, me and the rest of the general store--" Then people start swarming around you, there's voices all over here. What are you doing?

CHRISTIAN: We should dip out.

AABRIA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

SAM: Is this normal for your folk?

AABRIA: No!

CHRISTIAN: Nope.

SAM: Are we (whispers) heroes?

LAURA: Apparently.

AABRIA: Oh.

ASHLEY: Should we look into these sponsorships?

(laughter)

SAM: We don't even have an agent or anything.

MATT: In the midst of this conversation, one figure pushes past the rest of the crowd. You see a young elven boy in probably his 20s or so, his hair is slicked back, but it poofs at the edge, giving him this awkward high schooler look, even though he's a little bit older than that age, dressed in very, very nice attire with a tabard in the front that's tucked into a nice belt, and some sort of adornments coming off of the slight pauldrons that you can see pushing out from underneath. Approaches and goes, "Excuse me, I've been sent here. I'm-I'm Sir Ludin. I'm the royal page for the king and queen. I-I-I'm here to let you know that--"

AABRIA: What was your name?

CHRISTIAN: Saludin?

MATT: "Sir Ludin."

SAM: Oh, Sir Ludin.

AABRIA: Sir Ludin?

ASHLEY: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Sir Ludin. Okay.

MATT: "Yeah."

AABRIA: Keep going. You're doing great.

MATT: "Oh, I'm meant to notify you, the king and queen are thankful for your timely aid in this strange occurrence amongst many. While they are attending to the aftermath and reclamation of the citadel, they would request your presence tomorrow in the noontime for a formal recognition."

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: He looks at a paper. "That's all of it. (grunts) Thanks," and then darts off.

AABRIA: We say yes!

ASHLEY: Bye.

AABRIA: You have to--

SAM: Do we need a piece of paper to get in, or--?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

SAM: Okay.

AABRIA: No, they know us.

MATT: He just runs off.

SAM: They know us?

AABRIA: Look at us.

ASHLEY: Wow.

SAM: Are we celebrities?

AABRIA: This is nice. I think yeah, all the city-- Hi, hi. The whole city's here, yeah. We're kind of famous.

SAM: Wow. That was some-- We did it!

LAURA: I feel like this is the first time anyone's ever looked at us and liked it.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Really?

AABRIA: That kind of makes sense.

CHRISTIAN: That's not true. We looked at you and liked you. Quite dangerous, but we liked you.

LAURA: Thanks, FRIDA.

MATT: It's about this moment you see this older dwarf woman who's clutching her grandkid off to the side and goes, "I bet they brought that in with them."

(laughter)

MATT: "It's a setup."

AABRIA: Yeah, there's one.

ASHLEY: Yeah, there it is. That makes sense. That feels a little bit more like--

TRAVIS: That will always.

CHRISTIAN: That's my Puerto Rican grandma, right there.

(laughter)

SAM: Wow. Wait, that's tomorrow, though.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: What do we do now?

CHRISTIAN: It's evening, right?

LAURA: Is it? What time is it?

MATT: Well, when you stepped out, when you guys arrived the night before, it was pretty late in the day and you hadn't fully rested. You got it in about nighttime, so right now it's pretty, pretty close to midnight you would assume.

LAURA: Oh, we should probably go to bed.

AABRIA: Yeah.

SAM: Oh.

ASHLEY: Should we check in?

LAURA: Where is Chet?

ASHLEY: Where were we going to stay?

AABRIA: No, I was-- That!

SAM: Oh, Chetney!

ASHLEY: Oh, good call.

AABRIA: Yeah. (laughs)

LAURA: Is he still invisible?

CHRISTIAN: I just assumed he was here--

LAURA: Chetney.

CHRISTIAN: -- just invisible, yeah.

SAM: Wait.

AABRIA: Chetney.

ASHLEY: We can't send him a message, can we? Because of the disturbance?

LAURA: I mean, maybe if it's closer? We can always give it a try.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: I'll try to send a message to Chetney.

AABRIA: Chetney!

LAURA: Maybe it'll work over less distance.

MATT: All righty. What do you say?

LAURA: Chet? Where are you? Is this working? We're heading to Deanna's house.

AABRIA: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Which we know where that is, right?

AABRIA: Mm-hmm, I pointed it out.

MATT: Okay. Roll a d100.

AABRIA: Oh.

LAURA: Oh, fucking hell.

TRAVIS: (Cockney) Fuckin' 'ell, Joe.

AABRIA: I'm going to charge a little--

LAURA: (Cockney) Fuckin' 'ell.

AABRIA: -- Healing Word.

LAURA: Hold on.

SAM: Your hair falls out.

TRAVIS: Fuckin' hell.

ASHLEY: Fuckin' hell.

TRAVIS: We are fans.

LAURA: 89.

MATT: 89.

SAM: Good year.

AABRIA: Mm.

MATT: The sharp pain strikes into your mind as you attempt to reach your consciousness outward into the wide expansive weave of magic and arcana that spreads across Exandria to deliver this message. It instead is sent right back with a screeching white pain and you take five points of psychic damage and the spell fails.

LAURA: Aw, that was your bagel you gave me.

CHRISTIAN: Oh.

SAM: Aw.

AABRIA: Oh.

CHRISTIAN: That's good.

SAM: Well, that's good.

LAURA: That was great. The bagel helped. I can feel it absorb the psychic--

SAM: I'll make a new one tomorrow.

CHRISTIAN: It didn't?

LAURA: No, I don't think it did. No.

CHRISTIAN: Okay. I will scan the surrounding area and see if I can spot Mr. Pock O'Pea.

MATT: Yeah. Make a perception check for me.

ASHLEY: (playfully) Mr. Pock O'Pea.

CHRISTIAN: Seven plus 11. Seven plus 11?

MATT: Seven plus 11 is 18.

AABRIA: 18.

CHRISTIAN: 18.

MATT: Yep, you got it.

(laughter)

MATT: Esoteric math always.

(laughter)

MATT: That's a good segue. So after you are being tended to by this middle-aged, young-- We're talking like, I want to say, "The Thing" era Wilford Brimley, big old walrus brush mustache.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Good ref.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: Tiny, round spectacles and this mushroom poof of hair that's a little bit too long to where it makes it look like an aged Beatle in their earlier mop top era, who was leaning over you with his massive dwarven shoulders like, "Hold tight. I'm going to wrap up your wounds."

TRAVIS: Oh, you got the strongest hands. What a musk. My goodness. Do you think-- Ah. Do you think I'll make it?

MATT: "Looking at this, a lot all these wounds aren't-- Well, this blood isn't even yours, it looks like."

TRAVIS: Oh! What could that mean?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Thank you for your prompt attention. Ah. Were you down there when-- when the beast was unleashed?

MATT: "No, I was just called down here to help out with any survivors."

TRAVIS: Oh, bless you. (sighs) You know, I could really use some assisting getting back up to the top disc. I don't know if I can make it on my own.

MATT: Lifts you up and puts you back onto your feet and gives you a pat in the shoulder and goes--

TRAVIS: Oh.

MATT: "I think you can make it."

TRAVIS: (Cockney) I think I can make it, too. (coughs) Bless you and your household.

CHRISTIAN: What show are we on?

(laughter)

MATT: He cocks his head to one side and looks to one of the other nearby aides. He's like like-

TRAVIS: Ah, ooh.

MATT: "His voice just change?"

TRAVIS: (exaggerating moaning)

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I'll start working my way back up to the top of the disc.

SAM: ♪ Working my way ♪

MATT: All right. Now, there is definitely a unique energy to the crowd as you push through. Depending on how well-hidden do you want to stay?

TRAVIS: Shit. If I'm coming back up--

MATT: You have been cleaned up. You have been cleaned up.

TRAVIS: Okay, cleaned up. I'll pop my hood up on my cloak and keep my head down as I head up towards the Volition, and I will definitely steer clear of Oltgar's and probably the Broken Stool.

MATT: Okay, got it. All right. Easy enough to do, I won't even say you need to roll a stealth check on this because a lot of the crowd's energy is still in this intense conversation and banter about what just transpired. Who's okay? Who fell? Someone said the king and queen were in the middle of the street. That doesn't happen very often. There's a lot of snippets of conversation as you find the dark shadows to keep alongside, listen for anything of interest, but eventually begin to curl your way up through the central Disc and up to the very top once more, to the Volition Disc.

TRAVIS: Beautiful.

SAM: That's where your house is?

TRAVIS: Once I'm up there, can I gently ask: Did anyone see where they took the beast? Was it all the way up and out?

MATT: "Yes, they took the beast and they delivered it beyond the city's outskirts, offward. Salvation to the people of this realm."

AABRIA: Kill him.

TRAVIS: I need your blood. (screams)

(laughter)

MATT: "(grunts)"

TRAVIS: (tape rewinding noises) Actually, I'll head that way to the entrance to see if I can find any trace of my friends before I try to find a place to settle in for the night because this is a big fucking city.

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: ♪ Uh-huh the Weekly Top 40 ♪ Do I still have disadvantage?

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: Yes, you do.

TRAVIS: It doesn't matter. That sucks balls. It's a seven.

MATT: That's a seven. You don't see anything. You see the crowd is gathered definitely in a certain direction. There's a large chunk of the populace seemingly throwing a makeshift celebration or a party in one of the main, actually, the secondary intersection of the Auger Trail in one of the larger neighborhood main streets. But you don't see anything of anyone in particular of interest in that space as you look around to see if there's any sign of your unique-looking friends. You see a hooded Chetney Pock O'Pea running in circles, practically, looking around a bit aimless and tired, exhausted looking.

CHRISTIAN: Oof, ah.

TRAVIS: I run up on posts every once in a while and I'm like: Ah!

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Guys, I think-- Mr. Pock O'Pea.

LAURA: Oh okay.

TRAVIS: Look over here.

LAURA: Oh, now that I can see him, I'm going to try to connect with him mentally.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Chet.

TRAVIS: Huh? Does it work?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Ah! Oh. Imogen?

LAURA: Are you all right?

TRAVIS: I am.

LAURA: Where did you go?

TRAVIS: I gave my body for the cause. I was stuck down in the throne room and I made out like a bandit. I got rescued by this handsome dwarf and we had a romance, a quick fling.

LAURA: Oh wow.

TRAVIS: Don't tell Deanna. Anyway, where are you?

LAURA: Right over here. Look to your-- Look to your left. Your other left.

TRAVIS: Huh?

SAM: Stage left.

LAURA: Hi.

TRAVIS: Where? Hey!

LAURA: Hey!

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

LAURA: This way. Get over here.

TRAVIS: Mind your business.

(laughter)

LAURA: We're going to-- (chuckles).

MATT: There is definitely a-- You know that person that comes to the party and the energy just changes. Everyone goes like, "What happened?"

TRAVIS: For the better!

(laughter)

MATT: Like suddenly every drink is a little more sour and no one knows why. For all the roused excitement and bubbling energy of the folks that are still enjoying staying near and watching you all, like the awkward sudden celebrities you are and talking amongst themselves, as Chetney storms through the crowd, some of them begin to scatter a little bit.

TRAVIS: You guys want to hear a beatbox? (beatboxes) No? Okay.

(laughter)

SAM: Chetney, you missed a lot. The five of us are now heroes of this place and we've been invited to dine with the king and queen.

LAURA: I don't know if it's dine with them, but they-- They said we would--

SAM: It's noon. If they don't have food, it's very rude.

ASHLEY: I think probably award some things and give us some money.

LAURA: Did you ever see the end of "Star Wars"?

TRAVIS: I read the manuscript.

LAURA: Yeah.

AABRIA: What?

(laughter)

SAM: It's a novel on Marquet.

MATT: (ship engine revving)

TRAVIS: (gasps)

(laughter)

TRAVIS: (Darth Vader breathing)

SAM: Anyway, we are going to go to the king and queen's tomorrow.

TRAVIS: Tomorrow.

SAM: We are going to. You weren't technically invited. I guess you could just come.

TRAVIS: I could be a page or a squire.

SAM: They have a page. His name is Sir Ludin.

LAURA: Oh, that's right.

CHRISTIAN: Hey, how did you get out of it?

TRAVIS: The page is a sir? The page is a knight?

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: He seemed like a page.

ASHLEY: But maybe his first name--

LAURA: He could have been a--

ASHLEY: -- is just Sir.

AABRIA: Oh.

LAURA: That's true.

AABRIA: Maybe it's spelled different.

TRAVIS: It seems like a weird reward system. Little-- little early.

SAM: Anyway, we were going to go to Deanna's house.

TRAVIS: Oh.

AABRIA: Yeah, if you want to stay.

TRAVIS: Yes, I would very much like to. I've been getting lots of offers for like, you know, dinner or drinks. But I would be happy to join you.

AABRIA: Thank you for deigning to stay--

TRAVIS: You're welcome, you know.

AABRIA: -- with us.

TRAVIS: ♪ Kindle the flame ♪

LAURA: You sure you don't want to shack up with that dwarf you met?

CHRISTIAN: Oh.

AABRIA: Ooh.

TRAVIS: I-I didn't need that long.

SAM: Oh.

ASHLEY: Whoa.

TRAVIS: What?

AABRIA: It's the fact that he said it.

(laughter)

AABRIA: I don't know why you tell on yourself. All right, Two-Pump Chump, let's go.

TRAVIS: Let's go!

SAM: Two-Pump Chump.

(laughter)

MATT: So people are gathering.

(laughter)

MATT: Are they gathering at your abode?

SAM: At the Deanna abode. Yes.

AABRIA: Yes.

MATT: All right, so as you lead them to where you stay, please describe to the players what your abode looks like.

LAURA: Oh yay!

AABRIA: Yeah, it's definitely a smaller-sized home, single floor, scaled to gnomes and dwarves. So the ceiling's probably only about seven feet tall, so I think everyone in here can fit without bending. But you definitely feel that struggle of scale of everything being tiny and cozy. It's incredibly cluttered, but warm. There are blankets and tapestries all over the wall. All of the furniture is overstuffed and in shades of cream and peach and apricot. The only place that's kept sort of immaculate is the kitchen towards the back. There's two bedrooms. FRIDA has their own bedroom and I stay where, you know, the master, which is only slightly larger, but it's small and it's very clearly the starter home you get for the beginning of a family.

MATT: What smell greets them when they entered the door?

AABRIA: Oh, I think there's a bunch-- Yeah, she had some weird dye experiments for some of her wool, so it's that sort of like vinegar and dried flower.

MATT: Perfect.

AABRIA: Like flowers, so it's almost good, but still a little kind of funky.

LAURA: A little tangy?

AABRIA: It's a little tangy. Like when you dye Easter eggs and you're like: The smell in this kitchen isn't great.

(laughter)

MATT: Perfect. You all enter. You probably light a few lanterns to light the space inside, but it's warm, it's welcoming, and definitely an enjoyable place to settle down after a long day of travel, and, later in the day, tussling with a terrifying entity. But--

LAURA: Wonder if Prestidigitation can like--

AABRIA: Oh yeah.

LAURA: Just get rid of-- just a little--

AABRIA: Yeah, sorry, I can do that, too.

LAURA: Oh no, no, no, no!

AABRIA: I'm just going to go be like, (air whooshing) Just fantasy Febreze.

(laughter)

LAURA: I was doing it subtly. I didn't want, you know.

AABRIA: No, it's okay. I can also smell this. We haven't been here for a couple weeks. I'm so sorry. I would've tidied up. But we had a giant bull--

LAURA: Your house is--

AABRIA: -- that tried to kill us.

LAURA: -- wonderful.

AABRIA: Oh no.

LAURA: It's so cozy and beautiful.

AABRIA: I'm sorry.

ASHLEY: All the blankets. Did you knit all these?

AABRIA: All of them.

ASHLEY: (gasps)

AABRIA: There's plenty. Ooh, how am I going to fit all of you? Okay, you can--

SAM: I can stand. That's fine. I don't need a place to lie down.

CHRISTIAN: I have a bed I never use, whoever wants to take the bed.

LAURA: You don't use the bed?

CHRISTIAN: Well, no, I stand and power off.

ASHLEY: I'll take it.

CHRISTIAN: Excellent.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: We've had such a couple of rough nights. I really need somewhere soft to sleep.

CHRISTIAN: It's all yours, Fearne.

ASHLEY: Thank you so much. (sighs)

LAURA: I might cuddle up with you. Is that all right? All right.

TRAVIS: Yeah, Deanna and I will cozy up.

SAM: Wait, did you just say you guys will share a bed?

TRAVIS: What?

ASHLEY: You guys are going to--

SAM: Is that awkward at all?

TRAVIS: No, I just assumed--

SAM: -- with your prior relationship?

TRAVIS: Well, I just figured same size, you know?

SAM: And-- And vast age difference?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Well, it's really just a number.

LAURA: (squeaks)

CHRISTIAN: A couple hundred.

AABRIA: I-- Ooh-- I am going to-- I think Deanna walks out for a minute, hyperventilates outside.

LAURA: Out the front door?

AABRIA: Yeah, through the front door. She's on her-- (panting)

TRAVIS: You made her uncomfortable.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: I did?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Listen, you just need to tread gently, okay?

ASHLEY: What? I will, but I-- what did I do?

TRAVIS: Mm, I don't know.

ASHLEY: Listen.

SAM: Some people are just sensitive.

ASHLEY: Some people are just sensitive, and-- You should sleep in the same bed with her.

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Those two bits of advice--

LAURA: I'm going to follow Deanna outside.

AABRIA: They didn't really match up like the puzzle piece I thought it would.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I was going to go somewhere else with that and then I--

MATT: As you're having this conversation, Deanna, as you walk outside to process the moment--

AABRIA: So warm in there.

MATT: About a minute passes before Imogen slowly emerges to join you outside of the house.

LAURA: Hi.

AABRIA: Hi.

LAURA: How you doing?

AABRIA: Good, it's a bit, it's a lot of a day.

LAURA: It's a lot.

AABRIA: Yeah.

LAURA: It's a lot.

AABRIA: I'm sorry.

LAURA: What? Why would you be sorry?

AABRIA: Oh, I-- Hmm. I don't know, I'm nervous. (chuckles) Are you okay?

LAURA: Yeah, I am--

AABRIA: Are you actually?

LAURA: (stutters) Yeah.

AABRIA: Yeah.

LAURA: I mean, all of us are in a little bit of a loop right now, right?

AABRIA: Yeah.

LAURA: I've seen anxiety before and so I thought maybe--

AABRIA: Yeah. It's weird, you know?

LAURA: Yeah.

AABRIA: A tad.

LAURA: You know, we can make Chet sleep outside.

AABRIA: No, no, it's fine.

LAURA: Seriously.

AABRIA: He can't. If I could stay in the room with y'all, unless there's a thing happening.

LAURA: Oh, not at all. Of course! Should we stay in your room, maybe, and then--

AABRIA: Yeah, we'll stay in my room and then they could stay in FRIDA's room, that's--

LAURA: Yeah, that sounds great.

AABRIA: That sounds good.

LAURA: Of course. Good idea. Yeah.

AABRIA: You know what's really crazy?

LAURA: Hmm?

AABRIA: I like, don't really recognize him anymore, if that makes sense. He's completely different.

LAURA: Like personality wise or just in this--

AABRIA: Watching y'all work has been wild. You seem like you do this kind of stuff all the time.

LAURA: Really only in the last few months.

AABRIA: Hmm.

LAURA: But it's been a lot in these last few months.

AABRIA: Yeah.

LAURA: Certainly never expected it. You kind of-- You adapt, I guess.

AABRIA: Well, how are you adapting?

LAURA: Still working on it.

AABRIA: Okay.

LAURA: What was Chet like before?

AABRIA: (laughs) Very... talented and sort of a force of personality.

LAURA: Yeah.

AABRIA: We met in some little vacation town on the beach. When you're on vacation and sort of on pause from your life, anyone that's driven and focused and kind of has their shit together kind of hits different, you know?

LAURA: Yeah.

AABRIA: So. Maybe I never really knew him that well, but--

LAURA: You knew vacation Chet.

AABRIA: I knew vacation Chet.

LAURA: Wow.

AABRIA: Passionate. Don't mean that in the weird way, but I think he always loved what he did and it's hard to not want to be the object of someone with that much focus' attention, you know?

LAURA: Yeah, I do.

AABRIA: That was so long ago.

LAURA: I haven't looked into his mind lately. It's been kind of nice, not going to lie.

(laughter)

LAURA: But I'm used to the thoughts that I see in his eyes and I know you hold a special place for him.

AABRIA: Really?

LAURA: Whether he'll admit it or not, oh yeah.

AABRIA: Yeah. That's very nice. Thanks. Never really felt special before.

LAURA: You're so special!

AABRIA: Coming from you, that means a lot. I think you're the most interesting person I've ever met, other than FRIDA.

(laughter)

LAURA: It's a good group.

AABRIA: Yeah.

LAURA: Thank you for allowing us to stay in your home.

AABRIA: Oh absolutely, anything you need.

LAURA: And I like the smell of vinegar. I don't want you to think I don't like the smell of vinegar.

AABRIA: No, you know when you leave a thing out and you're like, "I'll clean it up when I get back. We're just going to be--"

LAURA: Yeah, oh believe me, I know.

AABRIA: -- and then you meet a whole bunch of people and you're like, "Oh, you're in my house, and I didn't think about that part." I can go, it's late, but if you're hungry, I can--

LAURA: Not at all.

AABRIA: -- whip something up.

LAURA: Let's go to sleep. Let's get some rest.

AABRIA: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for checking on me.

LAURA: Yeah.

AABRIA: I appreciate it. Can I hug you? Is that weird?

LAURA: Let's hug.

AABRIA: Okay, cool. (chuckles) Thanks.

LAURA: All right, let's go.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: So all I'm saying is, if you guys interlock your fingers, you could form Voltron. You should try it like a hug.

ASHLEY: I am trying it, it's not, well, I don't know what you mean.

SAM: That's from the same "Star Wars" novel that you read?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean, you seem to be made of the same stuff, which is incredible. Maybe you should try to like--

SAM: You know, I was, not to take your inane rantings seriously, but-- But I was actually going to talk to FRIDA tonight about-- I'm quite surprised that you're able to dream. You said that you were able to dream.

CHRISTIAN: Yes. Well, I have the same dream that's expanded a bit every time I power up.

SAM: I've never been able to do that. I was wondering if it's, if you wouldn't mind interlocking hands together with me and maybe I could-- If it's not too personal, I would love to take a sort of a glimpse of what that looks like. I have an ability where I can sort of see your dream. But I don't want to-- It's really an imposition. I just thought that if I see sort of see how you do it, maybe I could learn to do it. You know, dream.

CHRISTIAN: Okay, so what you did with Imogen, you want to go into my dream?

SAM: Yeah. Only if it's okay with you.

CHRISTIAN: Only you, or are we taking a group?

SAM: I mean, just us, if that's--

CHRISTIAN: Okay, okay. What is the, if you don't mind me asking, Deanna, what's the sleeping arrangement so we can--

AABRIA: Oh! We figured it out.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

AABRIA: You two are going to be in your room. We are going to be in my room. You're going to sleep on the couch.

TRAVIS: The couch is money.

AABRIA: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

CHRISTIAN: Miss Calloway--

ASHLEY: Yes.

CHRISTIAN: -- Fresh Cut Grass, I'd like to show you to my room if we're okay for the evening.

ASHLEY: Oh, I'm going to sleep with you two?

AABRIA: No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Girls' room. My room.

ASHLEY: Got it, got it, got it.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

ASHLEY: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Okay. Fresh Cut Grass?

AABRIA: The Aeormaton room.

SAM: Sure.

AABRIA: Couch.

ASHLEY: Got it.

TRAVIS: Couch. Room for--

SAM: So the two Aeormatons will be in FRIDA's room, not using the bed, though.

CHRISTIAN: No.

SAM: That'll just be empty. But you'll be on the couch.

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

TRAVIS: Couch. Holding it down in case anybody gets ♪ lonely ♪

SAM: Cool.

CHRISTIAN: Excellent.

ASHLEY: I don't know if I--

CHRISTIAN: Well, Fresh Cut Grass, I'll take you to my room when you're ready for dream world.

TRAVIS: Dream world.

SAM: Good night, everybody?

LAURA: Good night.

AABRIA: Oh, good night.

LAURA: Have fun dreaming.

CHRISTIAN: Good night.

ASHLEY: Wait, do you need anything? Do you need anything to--

SAM: I think we're okay.

ASHLEY: -- to help?

CHRISTIAN: I think we're fine. But if you want to be there, you would--

ASHLEY: Are you excited?

SAM: I'm excited.

CHRISTIAN: I'm nervous.

ASHLEY: Yeah?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

SAM: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: I've never had anyone in my dream.

LAURA: Is this your first time?

CHRISTIAN: It is. It would be, I guess.

SAM: For me as well. I mean, not in--

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: In another Aeormaton's dream.

SAM: In another Aeormaton.

TRAVIS: (laughing) They're ready.

CHRISTIAN: So you can't dream yourself, but you can enter other people's dreams?

SAM: I can't and I'm so curious. Do Aeormatons, you know, dream of electric sheep or like what do we-- How does it work?

TRAVIS: That's not a real thing. I've never seen--

AABRIA: (laughs) Okay, Star Wars.

TRAVIS: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: I could tell you what I dream of, but I think it's better if you experience it, so, yeah.

AABRIA: Can I insight check you? What is the vibe right now?

MATT: Yeah, if you want to, you can insight check and you can take a deception or perception-- deception or persuasion check. Your choice, don't say which one.

TRAVIS: Get those out of the way.

AABRIA: I know.

CHRISTIAN: It ain't good.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Please. Plus nine, 16.

CHRISTIAN: You said insight, right? So that's a plus five. Or excuse me, it's a five.

(laughter)

MATT: Yeah, you-- So yeah. What does she read off of you?

CHRISTIAN: She reads that I am nervous to bring-- I don't think Deanna has ever really stepped foot in my room since I've occupied that space. There's probably a bit of anxiety about that. Then also I've never been so close to someone who is like me and it feels like an opportunity to learn more about who I am and where we're from. So fear, but excitement as well.

AABRIA: You got this, buddy.

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

ASHLEY: Are you nervous to be alone?

(laughter)

ASHLEY: No?

CHRISTIAN: I'm nervous to have him in my dreams.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: (laughing) Oh no.

LAURA: Are you seeing this guy?

TRAVIS: Are you? They can see your hands.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: But you don't know-- FCG doesn't know what this means.

SAM: No, it could be anything.

ASHLEY: I just got something right here.

(laughter)

MATT: Perfect.

SAM: Oh.

MATT: All right. So, A-team, I guess, goes and--

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: -- heads up to Deanna's chambers for an evening's rest, while the remainder head into FRIDA's chambers.

CHRISTIAN: So--

TRAVIS: Well, not the remainder.

MATT: That's right.

TRAVIS: And me on the couch.

(laughter)

MATT: There you go. There you go. My apologies.

CHRISTIAN: Yes. Maybe when we're done with the dream and we come back, we can invite Mr. Pock O'Pea to sleep in the bed.

SAM: I think that would be fine. Yeah, I mean, he does snore quite an awful lot.

CHRISTIAN: I don't know that I would notice. Has he woken you from your charging?

SAM: It's remarkable that even in your shutdown state, you will still hear it.

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: That's incredible.

SAM: Yes. Even though all of your sensors are completely powered off, it's impossible to hear, you will still.

CHRISTIAN: He really is an animal. He's an animal.

(laughter)

SAM: I've just been so-- I'm grateful already, but you know, I've never met another like me. But also, you're so interesting and so confident. You've got legs and, you know, you know how to use them.

(laughter)

LAURA: I was hoping.

ASHLEY: Me too, me too.

SAM: In battle, you know, you weren't, you didn't seem afraid. I'm just so interested. I'm intrigued, that's all.

CHRISTIAN: I think--

SAM: I really like you.

CHRISTIAN: I really like you. I think that appearances can be very deceiving. As I say that, I'll open my door and hesitate for a moment. What you would see is papers and charcoal strewn out on the bed that is pristine, because I never use it. But there are sketches on the bed, on a little desk, sketches on the desk. They are crude sketches, someone who isn't used to drawing, but they progress. You can see they've gotten better. There's one that is in the middle of being worked on on the desk, and you can see that it's a picture, a drawing of Deanna and I. I'll go up to it and grab it. She doesn't know that I'm making this for her. It's just a gift. I just wanted-- I don't think she knows just how lovely she is. It's important for me, before whatever happens, you know, that she understands.

SAM: Oh! Are you enamored by her?

CHRISTIAN: No. Well... I am in love with who she is, yes. But I don't think it's romantic, no.

SAM: Oh.

CHRISTIAN: You'll also see that some of these sketches are, and I'll point them out, these are sort of what I see in my dream. Fresh Cut Grass, it's Exandria from a distance. It's a globe.

(laughter)

SAM: I don't understand.

CHRISTIAN: Well, it'll all become clear, but that's just one of the things that I see. Then I'll point out another one and it's my--

SAM: Well, these are fantastical.

(laughter)

SAM: And bizarre. Is that really how you see the world?

CHRISTIAN: Bizarre? I see the world as it is. What do you mean bizarre?

SAM: Wow, as a circle?

CHRISTIAN: Oh.

SAM: Wow, I mean, you know, we've been all over the place.

CHRISTIAN: Mm-hmm.

SAM: We've actually been to multiple continents now and it is just-- It is the same.

CHRISTIAN: Have you flown?

SAM: It is just flat.

CHRISTIAN: But you've flown.

SAM: Yeah, we flew.

CHRISTIAN: On an air ship.

SAM: Skyship, yeah, we saw it. Yeah, and it's--

CHRISTIAN: Still flat for you?

SAM: Still flat as far as you can see. Then, of course, there's a radius after which no eyes can see.

CHRISTIAN: Can you wait right here?

SAM: So it sort of falls off.

CHRISTIAN: Fresh Cut Grass, do you mind just waiting one second?

SAM: Sure.

CHRISTIAN: I'll be right back.

SAM: Sure.

CHRISTIAN: I'll go downstairs and I'll find Mr. Pock O'Pea. Mr. Pock O'Pea.

TRAVIS: Yeah? Yes.

CHRISTIAN: He believes the earth is flat.

TRAVIS: It's a whole fucking thing. Yeah, I don't know where it came from but sometimes you just got to let these people come to their own conclusions.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Okay. Good night.

TRAVIS: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: I'll go back up. Sorry, Fresh Cut Grass. Well, I've never-- How does this work?

SAM: Oh, well I usually do this with, you know, heartbeat type people.

CHRISTIAN: Right.

SAM: But I guess I'll connect to you and as you enter, you know, your rest period, I'll cast my spell and I should be able to sort of see what you're seeing.

CHRISTIAN: Okay. Okay, okay. And you'll be safe?

SAM: I hope so.

CHRISTIAN: I'm just, you know, when you did this before there were other people with you who could help and--

SAM: True.

CHRISTIAN: I don't know that I'll be able to help.

SAM: Imogen's dreams are a bit more dangerous than the ones you've described to me.

CHRISTIAN: It sounded like it, yeah.

SAM: Yeah. So I think we'll be okay.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

SAM: Will you take my hand?

CHRISTIAN: I trust you. Yes. Yes.

SAM: All right.

CHRISTIAN: I'll grab your hand and I'll power off. You see the eyes sort of glow a dim white and power down.

SAM: All right. I will cast my dream spell.

MATT: You got it. Okay.

TRAVIS: Oh man.

MATT: You complete the ritual and feel whatever you've come to understand to be your essence, your soul, as it's been called, you know, your own interpretation, whatever it may be, and feel the darkness of sleep, that liminal space between consciousness and subconscious that you've come to experience through your friends here, is familiar. As that darkness sets in, there's a warmth that begins to take over. Like wading into a hot bath, if you've ever had one. It's hard to describe with your personal experiences.

SAM: Someone threw piss at me once.

MATT: That's true. Freshly. Nicer than that. But--

ASHLEY: Golden shower. I'm sorry.

MATT: Eventually you feel that same tugging sensation, like you're being pulled along--

CHRISTIAN: It's just oil.

MATT: -- like you're being tethered and dragged. As that warmth becomes a light, you see clouds (light gust) drifting past and it's heavy mist, cloud, fog, that takes you a moment to gather your senses. What you see before you is a glowing shape, a warm light being that is drifting through the clouds. You don't see any detail, just an incandescent figure that you are being pulled behind. It doesn't take long for you to recognize this essence, though visually at this point, not distinctive to how you've met them thus far, but this is FRIDA within their dream. FRIDA, you are very familiar with this sense of freedom in flight. You follow the urge to climb, as you do numerous times, and you can gently acknowledge that additional presence behind you.

CHRISTIAN: I mean, it feels freeing in a way to have this acknowledged. If you can see me, I'll smile at Fresh Cut Grass. This is amazing.

MATT: This being looks back and continues to push forward. The clouds begin to break, and for a moment you can see the sky, not blue in this vision, but golden and white. It has this very sepia, almost like the first light of the morning through a windowsill, but it's across the entire expanse of space around you. You can make out the faint image of Catha in the sky, no red moon in sight. Down below, indeed, you can see the whole glassy, orb-like beauty of Exandria, clouds through the atmosphere, the greens and blues and browns and grays, the true immensity and expanse of it, the perspective on the oceans and landscapes. You can see in this instance, in this dream, bereft of the aurora that still hangs above. This is a safer Exandria, for the time being, and it's spherical.

(laughter)

SAM: Sure.

MATT: Within the dream.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: You, looking upon the familiar immensity below you, and glancing upon your hands and seeing the metallic sheen of the Aeormaton armored plates that make up your limbs, stretching out, feeling the strength and the vibrance, the near vibration of life that sits within them.

CHRISTIAN: I'll wait for Fresh Cut Grass to pull up a little closer, and I'll say: It's beautiful, isn't it?

SAM: Do I hear words and stuff?

MATT: You do, though they're just ever-present echoing. Beautiful, isn't it? Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it, isn't it?

SAM: It is. It's amazing. You can see this in your sleep.

CHRISTIAN: Yes, and then I see my hands, and then I look down. I'll look down.

MATT: You look down, and in that cloudy space that sits still drifting around, you can see the extension of your legs where the skin of humanoid legs rest beneath the sand smoothness to the texture and color.

CHRISTIAN: Then I see these. I don't understand what this means.

MATT: You--

SAM: I'm going to look down as well, see if I can sort of make that happen, or if it just is there.

MATT: What you see from your perspective as you look is still the entirety of FRIDA standing there, Aeormaton and all. But there's that liminal cloud gather, and there's this apparition of a child.

SAM: Where they are?

MATT: Sitting right in front of and almost overlapping with them.

SAM: So not the same being, but with them?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Whoa.

CHRISTIAN: I don't know what it means.

SAM: Is it part of you? Is it yours? Is it you?

CHRISTIAN: I've heard people who've lost a limb in battle, they say they can feel it for months, sometimes year after. It feels like a name I should know, or a smell that triggers a memory that I can't quite place. But the dream usually ends shortly after this.

SAM: Can I--

MATT: As he's talking, you can see that apparition of the child partially embedded, almost like it's protected partway within the shell of the energy of FRIDA. You can't make out any details. You can see towards the legs and the feet there is that skin coloration, that youthful vibrance, but then it just becomes ephemeral, the outline shape of the child's form.

SAM: Maybe I could help you or something. I don't know if I can cast spells in here.

CHRISTIAN: Fresh Cut Grass--

SAM: Can I sort of touch him, or them, by the shoulder and sort of, I don't know, instill confidence or Guidance or something into them?

MATT: You can certainly try.

SAM: To try to hold on to this moment and see past it?

CHRISTIAN: What do you see when you look at me?

SAM: I mean, in this state, I see you, but you're a little bit more glowy.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

SAM: And a child? And a child. Is that what you see?

CHRISTIAN: A child? No. I mean, I can't quite see it. I feel it. A child.

SAM: Oh! You just see nothing?

CHRISTIAN: No, I see human feet when I look down, but a child... I haven't thought about that in a long time.

SAM: Oh. Are you all right?

CHRISTIAN: I don't know. I think I would like to... I think I would like to wake up now.

SAM: All right.

CHRISTIAN: If that's okay.

SAM: Yeah, of course. This is your--

CHRISTIAN: I need to--

SAM: Draw it.

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

SAM: I'll try to remember it, too. I'll sort of wrap myself around FRIDA and try to sort of wake us up with a squeeze.

MATT: Okay, you wrap your arms around the torso of FRIDA. Metallic as the exterior shines, it's like holding a warmed blanket, both of your spiritual selves colliding. As you concentrate through the grasp, you can look down, see that outer outline of the child as it looks up at you for a moment. You see the eyes glow ever so faintly before... (wind whistling) You both get pulled out into... (machinery clunking) Coming back into the point of consciousness within the somewhat dark interior of your room.

CHRISTIAN: Are we still holding each other?

AABRIA: (whispers) Please.

MATT: I'll say as part of casting the spell, you reached over and grabbed, and as part of your waking up, you're not sure what transpired, but you are both holding each other as you come to consciousness.

LAURA: Aww!

SAM: Sorry! Are you all right?

CHRISTIAN: I... That is very personal.

SAM: Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't--

CHRISTIAN: No, it's... I don't know how to explain this other than to say it feels like you were supposed to be there.

SAM: Oh.

CHRISTIAN: I should--

SAM: You should draw what you saw, right?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

SAM: To remember.

CHRISTIAN: Can you tell me what the child looked like?

SAM: Sure, I'll describe in as vivid detail as I can remember what I experienced.

CHRISTIAN: As I'm sketching, as I'm drawing and you're describing this, I think it's unlocking a memory that I couldn't access that Deanna was able to give me a bit of with her laughter.

SAM: Oh.

CHRISTIAN: I think before, I was meant to protect this boy. And his laughter was pure. Unadulterated. I haven't heard that laughter in a long time. I don't know what happened to him, or why I know him. I think maybe it has to do with my responsibility as an Aeormaton, as a ranging Aeormaton.

MATT: You feel this faint itch, almost in the back of your head, within. Just this little itch, settle in there.

SAM: You know, the memory of him is in there somewhere, but also, I've seen you play back recordings of things that you've heard. I wonder if somewhere deeper inside of you, there's a recording of that boy. Maybe if you could access it or find it, or if I could help access it, we could sort of figure out how to play it back.

CHRISTIAN: I have spoken to Deanna many times about living in the past. She had to watch her entire family grow without her. I don't know how helpful that would be.

SAM: Well, you won't know until you try.

CHRISTIAN: Why do you help, always?

SAM: I mean--

CHRISTIAN: We should've fought that beast, and we didn't, because of you.

SAM: Well, it was a team effort, right? I mean, Fearne was doing some stuff, you know.

CHRISTIAN: Every one of us had battle on our mind, I think. I saw it in everyone's eyes, except you. You saw an opportunity that turned an enemy into a friend.

SAM: Well, I mean, enemy and friend both feature the letter E.

AABRIA and MATT: (laugh)

SAM: So, you know, there's a lot of commonality there. I think N, also. E N.

CHRISTIAN: Yes, there's an E N.

(laughter)

MATT: Written in stone.

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Maybe we can--

SAM: Ne.

AABRIA: No! (laughs)

ASHLEY: Ne.

SAM: You can't spell enemy or friend without ne.

CHRISTIAN: That's true. This is a lot, so maybe--

SAM: Maybe we'll just sleep on it. But if you want me to help or to try to delve deeper, you know, I probably understand your circuitry better than most folks, so if you need... Maybe this is something we could also have Jaquoby take a look at.

CHRISTIAN: Jaquoby, he's lovely. You're going to really enjoy him. Yes, I think we'll explain to Jaquoby what we experienced here together.

SAM: Until then, should we get Chetney back in here?

CHRISTIAN: If you don't mind, I would like to just stay with you.

SAM: Yeah, I'd like that.

MATT: All right. So--

LAURA: Pillow fight!

MATT and AABRIA: (laugh)

MATT: As you go to power off for the evening, FRIDA, that little itch, that new itch, just sits, remaining somewhere in the back of your mind.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

MATT: All right. Many of you are very tired, but a long rest is achieved.

CHRISTIAN: Oh my god.

MATT: You motherfucker.

AABRIA: What?

TRAVIS: Turn it this way.

LAURA: (laughs)

AABRIA: This is a hate crime.

TRAVIS: That's way back.

MATT: I don't know where the hell you got that picture.

ASHLEY: Is that our Matthew Mercer?

TRAVIS: I think there's some family participating.

CHRISTIAN: Look at his face!

LAURA: He knows that somebody close to him has betrayed him.

AABRIA: That was hateful.

CHRISTIAN: Et tu, Brute?

MATT: That was the birthday where I was too old to have a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, but I went anyway because they had the Jurassic Park shooter game with the hydraulics that you could play at the time. I didn't give a shit. I wanted to play that game real bad.

TRAVIS: Bless you.

AABRIA: You sweet--

TRAVIS: How was it?

CHRISTIAN: Did you beat it?

MATT: Oh yeah, twice.

ASHLEY: I like that the parmesan... That's my favorite part.

AABRIA: Big parm energy.

ASHLEY: Big parm energy!

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Big parm on my pizza!

AABRIA: Big parm!

MATT: No, I can't get behind big parma.

SAM: Big parma?

MATT: No, I hate big parma.

SAM: I'm so sorry, that's your name now.

MATT: It's a problem.

TRAVIS: My parm.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Oh boy.

MATT: FCG suddenly dies in the middle of the night.

(laughter)

MATT: It's a tragedy.

AABRIA: Unfortunately.

LAURA: Oh no, here we go.

SAM: It's getting hot in here.

MATT: What the fuck did you do?

SAM: It's getting so hot.

AABRIA: No!

SAM: It's so hot in here.

AABRIA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: That's--

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Wow, what a great picture on that shirt.

SAM: This is a high quality--

ASHLEY: High top shelf classic.

LAURA: That's pure plastic.

TRAVIS: That's hurting your nipples, isn't it?

SAM: This feels like--

ASHLEY: The thing is, though--

SAM: -- they glued paper to my chest.

MATT: Where did you get this?

ASHLEY: I love it so much.

LAURA: That looks like it came off a home printer.

AABRIA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: Someone's Epson was working overtime.

CHRISTIAN: Before you do whatever you're going to do with him, allow me to leave the bedroom.

MATT: Okay, no, fair enough.

ASHLEY: What sound do you think you're making?

AABRIA: Oh, that's not...

ASHLEY: (grunts)

(laughter)

MATT: Where?

SAM: You know, these T-shirt companies, Matt. They got a wide variety.

MATT: Oh god, okay.

AABRIA: And so soft.

ASHLEY: Love it.

AABRIA: Thoughts and prayers. Hello, Big Parm. I do want it.

TRAVIS: Some people get a full night's rest.

MATT: Yeah, some people.

TRAVIS: Some people get five levels of exhaustion.

LAURA: No way, that will not be for sell on CritRole.

TRAVIS: Bop beep bop. Beep boop.

MATT: But all of you eventually rouse in what you assume to be the morning, though there is no sunlight when you're beneath, within the city of Uthodurn. However, the lanterns along the street, which many of are being replaced now with oil lanterns, or are in the process of being changed out. It is lighter than you previously recall. They're starting to retake the road since the mass disenchantment of a number of the permanent baubles, and have temporary solutions for the time being. But the other thing that catches your scent is the smell of food being cooked.

LAURA: Mm!

MATT: And snuck within the kitchen before you all managed to rise and shine, you see Deanna over there in the process of prepping a breakfast.

AABRIA: She's in a full sweat. Out of nowhere, there's that hair glow light of the dawn as this is her sort of worship, is her care for people, and there's pancakes and sausage and eggs and coffee and juice. Someone threw her 200 gold the day before, and she has spent a good amount of it trying to treat y'all to a bunch of food.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

AABRIA: So there's a buffet being done. Like (excited exhale). I'm in the zone! Ah!

SAM: Those are some fluffy griddle cakes.

AABRIA: Good morning!

ASHLEY: Oh my goodness. They're a little burnt on the edges, the little crisp on the pancakes. Woo!

TRAVIS: You hear... (tiny footsteps) Ah! It's real! You've outdone yourself.

AABRIA: Thank you.

TRAVIS: Is that... (sniffing) Oh my god. (munching ferociously)

ASHLEY: You had a smell--

MATT: Yep.

AABRIA: Drifting in on it.

MATT: Full on, yep. Legs are just drifting behind.

TRAVIS: Just dragging.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Does these.

MATT: Perfect.

CHRISTIAN: Fresh Cut Grass.

MATT: A--

CHRISTIAN: I know we can't partake, but I-- I'll pull out, not enough to look valuable or seem valuable, but bits of precious metals that I've collected since I've been in town, and I'll hand you a little bit of a ruby, a really small bit, and I'll take some, and I'll just--

SAM: I'll put a little maple syrup on mine.

ASHLEY: Why are you eating rubies?

CHRISTIAN: It tastes so good. It tastes better than copper.

ASHLEY: Right, but those are so valuable.

CHRISTIAN: Not very much.

ASHLEY: Well--

SAM: Would you like it?

ASHLEY: Yes.

CHRISTIAN: Only if you're going to eat it. No! You get pancakes.

ASHLEY: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Thank you, Ms. Calloway.

ASHLEY: You're welcome.

AABRIA: Got a whole mine over here, so, you know, it's just rocks.

ASHLEY: Give it a try. (groans disgustedly)

LAURA: Why does he have it?

ASHLEY: What an interesting way to eat.

AABRIA: Why is that like that?

CHRISTIAN: Jaquoby will know.

(laughter)

LAURA: Matt's going to kill you.

SAM: This is the day!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: (slurps)

MATT: Ping!

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Ping! (laughs)

MATT: It is a delicious smorgasbord, and a welcome meal, given the rations that have sustained you for the majority of your recent journeys. But the day is yours. What would you like to do?

ASHLEY: That was the best meal I've ever had.

AABRIA: Thank you.

LAURA: How much time do we have until we have to be at the citadel?

CHRISTIAN: They said noon?

AABRIA: We've got the whole morning. It's earlier than you think. It's hard to know, because there's no sunlight down here, but we have time, if you wanted to go to Jaquoby's or Catlyn's, because your coat's still ripped and we have to fix that.

LAURA: Oh yeah.

AABRIA: We can do that on a different day.

LAURA: It would be nice to freshen up before we meet royalty.

CHRISTIAN: Oh yes.

ASHLEY: We have to go back to the--

TRAVIS: Steeple.

ASHLEY: Woman with the hair.

LAURA: The pompadour.

TRAVIS: Get our research that we paid for.

SAM: Also stop by Oltgar's Chest.

TRAVIS: No, that's not--

ASHLEY: Oh, yes.

SAM: We do, though. It's part of who you are. Don't you want to at least check up on him, have someone go in? Maybe your trusted ally Deanna can go in and sort of see--

TRAVIS: No offense, it's like exes. You don't want to go in there... I guess the crew could roll through. That would not be bad.

SAM: The cruel?

TRAVIS: The crew!

ASHLEY: Listen, you're a hero.

AABRIA: We're the crew.

SAM: I thought he was calling you The Cruel for a second.

AABRIA: Yeah, that's my nickname.

SAM: Wow.

ASHLEY: You're a hero.

LAURA: Deanna the Cruel.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Not going to bite into that.

ASHLEY: Walking back in there--

AABRIA: It was a draft.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Haaaah zoop! Yep. Fuck that.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I suppose we could, but there's also many stores to visit instead of going to Oltgar's Chest.

AABRIA: It's on the way.

CHRISTIAN: Have we heard of Oltgar's Chest, DM?

MATT: You have.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: You have not.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

MATT: Because it is not called that anymore.

CHRISTIAN: Right, okay.

TRAVIS: Motherfuck! What?! I'm okay.

ASHLEY: Yeah, but listen.

AABRIA: Big breaths.

ASHLEY: You know how when you go back to an ex and you're like, look how great I'm doing?

TRAVIS: (loud eating)

ASHLEY: That's kind of where you're at. You know, you saved the whole town, so it's the perfect time to go see.

TRAVIS: (mumbling) We just roll in there in front of everyone?

ASHLEY: That's what I said, yeah. Just roll right in.

SAM: Confidence. You're the one who always teaches us confidence.

LAURA: I really wish we actually had pancakes right now.

ASHLEY: Me too.

TRAVIS: I wish I had a disguise, though, or something that could hide my face a little.

SAM: Can't you turn invisible?

TRAVIS: Fuck!

SAM: Or can't Deanna-- Do you have any wintry ski masks that you could put on?

AABRIA: Yeah, I think that will give a different impression than you think.

TRAVIS: Can you knit me a dwarvish beard?

AABRIA: Yeah.

SAM: Just a scary little man in a ski mask.

LAURA: Oh my gosh!

AABRIA: I can!

(laughter)

AABRIA: Deanna takes off and is now making one of those very silly Etsy beards of--

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yes!

TRAVIS: I've never seen a hand work so fast.

AABRIA: (growls)

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: I'm drawn to those craftsmen.

LAURA: Can you felt it so it looks more real?

MATT: Yeah, and also, after you've woven it, you can tussle up the outside and make it knotted and then it actually looks like a full-on scraggly beard.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah!

CHRISTIAN: That's dope!

AABRIA: Oh, this is good. I love fiber arts!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Fiber arts! (laughs)

MATT: Beautiful! Okay. Meal is easy to complete. For this, for the hell of it, go ahead and roll a d20 and add your, I'll say, dexterity or intelligence modifier.

ASHLEY and SAM: Guidance!

AABRIA: It doesn't matter! It's a natural one! I can't roll!

(yelling)

ASHLEY: Shit!

TRAVIS: That actually, that's just right.

AABRIA: Isn't it bad?

TRAVIS: That's just right.

LAURA: That's just right!

MATT: You feel like, having not made a beard before, this isn't bad for a first beard. You think it'll work.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: That's some Wish.com shit.

AABRIA: Yeah.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: A nice knit pubic mane.

AABRIA: I think it's good.

MATT: Yeah!

AABRIA: I made you a beautiful merkin.

(laughter)

MATT: A face merkin!

TRAVIS: It's strange. It's in a weird V form. Okay. I'll rock it. It's okay.

AABRIA: It looks good! I did good!

SAM: So is that where we're headed first?

TRAVIS: What? No!

AABRIA: (laughs)

SAM: I mean, it's on the way.

TRAVIS: Listen, just in case I open somebody up, we should do all the other important things that we need to do first.

SAM: I don't know what else there is to do.

LAURA: Is Jaquoby's close by?

CHRISTIAN: Jaquoby's is downstairs, so to speak.

AABRIA: Yeah.

LAURA: All right.

AABRIA: The good stuff's on the Liber Disc.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

SAM: Jaquoby might open us up, too, so that might take some time.

AABRIA: Well, then we should go early.

ASHLEY: Yeah, we should go. I was just going to say that!

CHRISTIAN: After the meeting so that we can--

SAM: After the meeting. I think, after the meeting.

AABRIA: No, let's go before!

CHRISTIAN: Okay, Deanna.

ASHLEY: Okay, because if it does take a while, you know? Maybe you'll get legs to walk into the king and queen and be like, "What's up?"

AABRIA: Could you imagine?

SAM: Whoa.

CHRISTIAN: I kind of like the wheel.

ASHLEY: I like the wheel, too. I like the wheel, too.

SAM: I could do both!

CHRISTIAN: Sure.

AABRIA: Oh, the tangle before! No!

(laughter)

SAM: Like a--

TRAVIS: Three legs?

CHRISTIAN: Like three legs.

LAURA: A different impression to people. But yeah, I like it.

ASHLEY: Maybe they can make it so where it tucks in.

CHRISTIAN: It's like a tripod.

SAM: Oh!

ASHLEY: Come down if you want.

SAM: Oh, that's kind of cool, actually!

TRAVIS: Show us how that works again.

AABRIA: Yeah. One more time.

ASHLEY: So like, you're walking, you're walking or you're like, "My legs are tired," so I'm going to take a--

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Doo dee doo dee!

AABRIA: You're going to have to blur that out. You've got to edit that out. I don't know why that felt bad.

TRAVIS: That felt dirty as hell!

AABRIA: That was nasty as hell!

MATT: We're just going to pixel that in post.

TRAVIS: Dirty as fuck!

(laughter)

AABRIA: Even Twitch would not allow that.

LAURA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Certain countries are going to bleep the whole screen!

AABRIA: Fuzz that, all that.

ASHLEY: It's the wheel! It's the legs and the wheel!

MATT: Yeah!

LAURA: It's perfect.

MATT: I'm right there with you.

CHRISTIAN: Why did the sound effects make it all worse, though? Boop!

TRAVIS: It was so aggressive, too.

MATT: It's ToeJam & Earl physics. I'm right there with you. It's great.

ASHLEY: You know, it's--

(laughter)

SAM: Worth a shot.

ASHLEY: Yeah, worth a shot.

MATT: Perfect.

TRAVIS: Jaquoby's, Oltgar's Chest, Steeple--

LAURA: And the clothing place for your coat.

SAM: Oh yes.

CHRISTIAN: You're all-- My coat can wait. We live here. But you guys--

AABRIA: Let's do all your stuff.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

SAM: Oltgar first?

TRAVIS: Yeah, fuck it. Why not?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I got this great pubic mane. Nobody will notice the thing. In fact, people probably look away from me.

(laughter)

MATT: All right, so we're going to Oltgar's first?

SAM: Yeah! It's on the way!

MATT: Or what else?

SAM: Yeah, that's where we go!

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Peer pressure.

TRAVIS: We're running into the danger. We're going into Oltgar's first.

SAM: Yeah!

TRAVIS: Sure.

LAURA: What if he gets arrested when we go in there?

TRAVIS: I'll go down swinging.

AABRIA: We're famous!

TRAVIS: I'm not going back to jail.

CHRISTIAN: I have to admit, I don't quite know, I've been here for about two years and I don't know what Oltgar's is or--

TRAVIS: So Oltgar was a brilliant master craftsman, a producer of incredible, fine wooden toys. I worked with him for years. It was his toy shop. I was his second. There was a son of a bitch elf named Drixlitch that came in and fucked everything up.

SAM: Drixlicks?

LAURA: Dicks Licks?

AABRIA: That can't be what it is.

ASHLEY: Drixlitch?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA and TRAVIS: Drixlitch.

LAURA: Drixlitch?

TRAVIS: Like it sounds!

CHRISTIAN: Good old Dick Lick.

LAURA: You know, old Dick Licks.

AABRIA: Good old Dick Licks.

TRAVIS: You just say it real fast, Drixlitch.

LAURA: Drixlitch.

ASHLEY: Drixlitch.

AABRIA: It feels like you're having a little stroke. Do you smell toast?

TRAVIS: What do you mean?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I'm sure I'm not. I forgot my long rest. I'm alive.

MATT: Okay, good.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I made it! Winning, baby!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Drixlitch.

AABRIA: Drixslitch.

LAURA: Drixslitch. There's an S.

TRAVIS: No, it's an X in the middle.

CHRISTIAN: These are the people you stabbed, right? These are the people you stabbed?

TRAVIS: He's a son of a bitch. He was all about metal toys. He was totally forsaking the craft, the time honored tradition, what we had spent so many years on! Overnight, after drinks, he fucking sabotaged the whole thing and he'd sold away part of the toy store and my future with it.

ASHLEY: Wait, what happened to Oltgar?

TRAVIS: I stabbed him in the hand.

ASHLEY: You stabbed him in the knee and you stabbed him--

TRAVIS: In the hand.

SAM: Who was the knee then?

ASHLEY: You stabbed him in the hand.

TRAVIS: Drixlitch.

AABRIA: Right in the hand.

SAM: Drixlitch?

ASHLEY: Drixlitch was--

TRAVIS: In the meniscus with a little turn, pop!

AABRIA: Ooh!

LAURA: Oh!

TRAVIS: Yeah.

AABRIA: No.

TRAVIS: You can't just go in and out. That's some basic shit. You got to get in there, work it around a little bit, apply some leverage, up the recovery time.

AABRIA: It's called D&O's now.

CHRISTIAN: Oh!

ASHLEY: D&O's.

CHRISTIAN: Is he still around?

AABRIA: It's D.

ASHLEY: Is D Drixlitch?

SAM: D&O's.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, right, right.

TRAVIS: What's called D&O's?

AABRIA: We can put that together. Nothing!

CHRISTIAN: Oh!

LAURA: Oh!

TRAVIS: An acronym.

SAM: (gasps) Oh!

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

TRAVIS: That's disgusting.

SAM: Wait. Who's the O?

AABRIA: Oltgar.

SAM: Oh! Oh, I thought that was a U this whole time.

ASHLEY: I thought it was, too.

LAURA: I thought it was Ultgar this whole time. Oltgar.

TRAVIS: You mean there's an ampersand in that fucking name?

AABRIA: Yeah. Could you imagine? The gall!

ASHLEY: Oh, got it.

SAM: You've got to go now.

LAURA: D&O's.

CHRISTIAN: Mr. Pock O'Pea?

TRAVIS: Yes?

CHRISTIAN: If anything happens in there, I got your back.

TRAVIS: Inside out is what I want. Inside out, backbone on the outside, ribs splayed outward.

CHRISTIAN: Yes, sir.

TRAVIS: Okay.

AABRIA: Wow!

CHRISTIAN: Yes, sir.

AABRIA: We're making a blood eagle of a toy maker? We could just a have a conv--

TRAVIS: That's lungs on the outside of the rib cage.

AABRIA: Oh, I'm so sorry.

TRAVIS: That's okay.

AABRIA: Teachable moment.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: ♪ ("The More You Know" melody) ♪

(laughter)

AABRIA: Okay. Well.

TRAVIS: I've got this. Sure, let's just go in-- I'm going to--

SAM: If you don't want go, it's okay. You can tell us.

AABRIA: Do you want a little safe word?

LAURA: Are you going to stab people if we go in there.

AABRIA: Yeah.

LAURA: Are you going to stab someone if we go in?

SAM: Do you want me to take your weapons?

TRAVIS: No. No, because we're on some higher shit.

AABRIA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: We're working on some world level stuff. My petty issues are not important right now, but if I see Drixlitch in the streets, you've got about one second--

CHRISTIAN: On sight.

TRAVIS: -- to stop. On sight.

CHRISTIAN: On sight.

SAM: But in the store, you're going to be okay?

TRAVIS: We'll find out.

LAURA: Chet--

AABRIA: We got to have a safe word. Do you remember the old one?

TRAVIS: (laughs)

CHRISTIAN: Oh god.

SAM: Oh boy!

TRAVIS: Is it still macaroni?

AABRIA: It is. (laughter) If I hear macaroni, we're getting you out of there.

TRAVIS: Good.

CHRISTIAN: Imogen?

LAURA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Does he get angry and turn into--

LAURA: Not usually, no. Just if he gets angry, he turns into a son of a bitch.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: He's kind of a son of a bitch already.

LAURA: Well, just wait.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

MATT: (laughs) All right, so you are now--

TRAVIS: It should be parmesan.

(laughter)

AABRIA: It's parmesan!

TRAVIS: Parmesan! Ret con! It's parmesan.

AABRIA: It's parmesan!

(laughter)

MATT: Ret con, it's parmesan.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

AABRIA: Bless you. You're my favorite person.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

(laughter)

MATT: Leaving the warm, welcoming, lovely breakfast scented abode of Deanna, you return to the Auger Trail.

LAURA: Can we stuff all of the leftovers in our pockets, so we have it for the day?

MATT: Oh yeah. You've got pouches at the ready for travel. Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah. You just never know.

LAURA: Pocket bacon.

CHRISTIAN: You can heat them back up inside of Fresh Cut Grass.

SAM: I've got a microwave.

LAURA: Oh my god! That's right!

(laughter)

LAURA: Should we put it all in your belly like it's a Tupperware?

SAM: Yeah. I'll put it on "Keep hot."

TRAVIS: Nice!

MATT: Oh my god! Just have one of those 7-11 rollers.

(laughter)

AABRIA: If you put a wet paper towel in there, it keeps everything from drying out.

MATT: Yeah, yeah! That's valid! Perfect! All right, after setting up your--

AABRIA: Oh, that was it? That was too far?

MATT: -- your fantasy healer companion cleric slash food processing unit.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: You return to the Auger Trail and begin your descent deeper back into the central Deliberation Disc of Uthodurn. You return to the familiar center of the marketplace, and just beyond it, where to the right you recall seeing, in your brief passing by the day before and you, knowing its presence there, what is now known as the D&O Toy Emporium.

TRAVIS: (drawn out) Oh fuck!

(laughter)

AABRIA: It's got franchises, too.

CHRISTIAN: Ooh!

SAM: Whoa!

ASHLEY: Does it look different than when you were here?

MATT: What you see as you glance over is a impressive base floor made of well-cut and cemented mason stone. A second story above that built of the same material, but the roofscapes themselves, these long plates of metal and iron that curve up at the end giving this presentory majestic magical look to it. Everything is curved into almost like eyelashes that come off the edge of the roof. You can see there's numerous smokestacks that plume up, but the smoke vanishes because smoke doesn't gather well here unless it's properly given the means of escaping from the city of Uthodurn. But this magic seems to be illusory. It vanishes after a few feet. There are lights strung across the exterior and it is painted in vibrant turquoise and shades of purple that scoot between to where it has almost a half carnival invitational vibe to it. The windows are currently shuttered. The front door is closed and where the large sign is present, you can see there's a handful of figures that are settled and gathered on the exterior of the premises.

SAM: Waiting for it to be open?

MATT: You see two younger dwarves that are dressed in simple cloth attire, aprons with simple dress shirts that are rolled up a bit in the same turquoise and purple vibe. It's like those weird blueberry Pop-Tarts that have the turquoise and purple coloration. It has that vibe around the exterior between the dark iron metal.

CHRISTIAN: So spot on.

ASHLEY: So spot on!

AABRIA: It was perfectly evocative.

MATT: Yeah. Yes.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Wearing similar colored attire, and they're gathered next to a tall for a dwarf, broad looking dwarf gentleman with a bald, smooth head on top with a cloudy billow of white hair that rests just about the shoulder, who is dressed in a large leather apron and looks to be a coat that they've placed over, a big elbow patches that are worn through a little bit in a deep red coloration. And they're all looking towards the complex and the stillness.

ASHLEY: Is this what it looked like when you were here?

TRAVIS: No, it actually had some respect before it went all cray. No, it did not have these newfangled metal whatever they are coming off of the roof. It was only one story. It was open most times of business. I changed my mind. I changed my mind. I can't go in, if you want to go.

SAM: But there's people here.

MATT: You hear (shouts) (banging) on the door and one of the people goes up and puts a key in it, unlocks it, and lifts it open. And the door immediately slams open, pushing that individual back onto their ass as a burly looking, six and a half foot tall orc in full armor, showing singe marks across the fur trim of their armor and part of the face darkened in black soot, and you see smoke emerging from their singed hair. As they emerge and close the door behind holding a large axe in one hand, they emerge and be like, "Put it out! Put it out! Put it out!" Immediately, they start wrapping him in a blanket for a second and he falls to the ground and rolls around for a second as they put out little bits of lingering flame are on him as people from nearby start to look over and (whispers) muttering amongst themselves of what's happening. He stand up and he goes, "Fuck this! I quit! I didn't know it was going to be this kind of a deal! Get out of my face," and pushes one of the, what you now gather, the employees of the emporium out of the way and stomps off in your direction before pushing past your crew. You can immediately smell that pungent scent of burnt hair.

ASHLEY: Ugh!

MATT: "(growls)"

LAURA: Celestial bull take two?

SAM: (laughs) Uh-huh.

AABRIA: What happened?

TRAVIS: I don't know. We didn't do any flame work inside. That's unexpected.

SAM: But that's another disgruntled employee! Maybe it's not going so great in there!

LAURA: I don't think that was an employee. That looked like, I don't know, someone the employees hired. That looked like muscle.

ASHLEY: Oh!

CHRISTIAN: Are the employees outside?

SAM: Why would a toy store need muscles?

AABRIA: Sir? What were you doing in there?

MATT: He's off. He's not even listening.

AABRIA: Damn it!

MATT: He's fucking out. These other employees are talking amongst themselves. Some of them look nervous, and you can see the burly dwarf figure now turns around. You can see the long, well-groomed white beard that settles down to the middle of his stomach, almost right where the naval is, gray leather pants and thick work boots on it. His hands, he looks like he's dressed underneath the jacket and the apron, a nice button-up, almost like a silk dress shirt, rosy cheeks and a little nose.

(laughter)

SAM: Yeah. Is it like a cherry?

MATT: Like a cherry. Yeah. Just this little, round nose.

(laughter)

LAURA: Does he have a twinkle in his eye?

MATT: You're not close enough to see, but roll perception.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Can I assist with the twinkle check?

LAURA: Natural 20!

(cheering)

MATT: With a natural 20--

(laughter)

MATT: -- you can see, as he looks over, the concern on the brow towards you, and you distinctly see--

(laughter)

MATT: -- where once there was a twinkle.

LAURA: Aw!

(laughter)

MATT: Now there is a dull lack of spark.

(laughter, aw-ing)

LAURA: His spark! It's gone!

(laughter)

SAM: He's lost the meaning of Winter's Crest.

(laughter)

MATT: He goes, (deeply) "Well, that's certainly going to be a big problem."

(laughter)

SAM: Wow!

MATT: "I don't know what we're going to do about this."

LAURA: We have to help him.

AABRIA: We have to.

LAURA: I don't know who he is, but he seems--

ASHLEY: Is he just covered in coal?

MATT: No, he just looks sweaty and frustrated.

TRAVIS: Do I recognize him?

MATT: Yes!

TRAVIS: I'm invisible.

AABRIA: (gasps)

MATT: You-- (laughs) You vanish, and indeed, you see Oltgar Dregadon.

SAM: Dregadon?

MATT: Degradon.

SAM: Degradon?

MATT: Yeah, sorry. Dradegon. That's what I meant. Dradegon.

LAURA: Dradegon?

ASHLEY: Dradegon.

SAM: Did Travis come up with these impossible names? Jesus!

LAURA: Matt said, "No."

TRAVIS: Who's Travis? He sounds fine as hell!

(laughter)

AABRIA: If your characters can't speak for you--

MATT: As Oltgar--

AABRIA: -- who the fuck's going to?

CHRISTIAN: Travis is Chetney.

(laughter)

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

MATT: Oltgar goes ahead and sits on a nearby stool and rests and takes a scarf out and wipes the sweat from the brow and goes, "Oh! I don't know what we're going to do. Sorry, friends. Go ahead and take a break. There's not much business happening this way."

LAURA: Chet, what is it?

TRAVIS: What?

AABRIA: Where's Chetney?

TRAVIS: With what? I'm here!

LAURA: Are we going to help him or--

SAM: He seems like he needs help!

TRAVIS: Go ask him if he needs help. That's what you should do. Ask him.

SAM: Fearne, you're nice.

ASHLEY: (stutters) Hello!

AABRIA: (laughs)

MATT: "Oh! (laughs deeply) Hi there, little miss."

AABRIA: Oh my god!

MATT: "I'm sorry. We're not open for business today. We're having a bit of a pickle."

ASHLEY: Oh no!

LAURA: I can't! I can't!

ASHLEY: Well, I just-- what's wrong?

MATT: "(sighs)"

AABRIA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: What happened?

MATT: He looks about the rest of your crew and goes, "Well, I mean, we all know things have been a bit loopy these past few days. A lot of--

ASHLEY: Sure, sure.

MATT: "A lot of failed enchantments and, well, we've taken on a lot of business as of late in the means of magical trinkets and baubles and--"

SAM: Oh!

MATT: "Gifts that the kids seem to be into these days."

SAM: Enchanted toys?

MATT: "Some of them, yes. I don't deal with a lot of those. I deal more on the business side of things. That's more of Drix's side. But, well, see, one of our bestsellers were the Whizzle-cages. They were these--"

SAM: Whizzle-cages?

MATT: "They were these--" You see he gets lost in the thought for a second and there's this cold sadness in his eyes for a moment. "I don't know much about them. They're these enchanted cages that my business partner would have imported, and they were utilized to contain pymon firebugs and the kids seemed to like to have them as nightlights, and it kept them contained and safe and all together a fantastic bit of joy for the whole family. Well, the Whizzle-cages lost all their magic, setting free the pymon firebugs all throughout the inside of the shop, as of the past day or so, and they've begun multiplying and taken over the store. Well, Drix is a little worried." At this point, you hear another voice from around the corner say, (reedy, pompous) "Drix is worried about what?"

SAM: Oh no!

AABRIA: A bad vibe.

LAURA: That sounds like a villain, if I've ever heard a villain.

SAM: Maybe it's a misdirect. We don't know.

AABRIA: No.

MATT: You see, stepping around, a tall elven gentleman, looking young to middle-age, blond, curled hair, and a long pointed nose that comes out in an Ichabod Crane-type presentation. Dressed in ostentatious clothing, like a snide Willy Wonka, along with the odd top hat, walking with a cane in a slight limp.

(laughter)

MATT: "Yes, as my esteemed business partner has presented before you, we are in a bit of a pickle."

AABRIA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: "My apologies. My name is Drixlitch Ovana, owner and purveyor of D&O's Toy Emporium alongside the esteemed Oltgar, right here."

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Punk-ass bitch!

(laughter)

AABRIA and LAURA: (cough)

ASHLEY: So you're the one who makes the... Who makes the toys?

MATT: "I'm the majority owner of the business here. The toys are made by Oltgar. They are outsourced to many extremely talented creators, crafters, builders by my designs."

ASHLEY: Oh, so it's not locally made?

MATT: "Some things are locally made, but why would we not allow ourselves to enjoy the breadths of talent all throughout Exandria and Wildemount itself? After all, a growing business does need to expand its horizons. Isn't that right, Oltgar?" Oltgar's like, "(laughs) Yes, of course."

SAM: Now you're having problems with your inventory? Is that right?

MATT: (Drix) "Yes, of course! Unforeseen circumstances. You..." Looks over at you in particular and goes, "Seem to be not the average wanderers of the city."

ASHLEY: What--

LAURA: I mean--

ASHLEY: -- is that supposed to mean?

LAURA: We can do magic.

MATT: "Well, it seems there's a vacancy. Are you looking for work?"

ASHLEY: Well, I actually was just looking for fine, very fine, masterly crafted wooden toys.

MATT: "(laughs) Should you be able to help us in our predicament or know somebody who can help us, we'll pay you a finders fee. When all is said and done, I'd love to show you our back stock of such fine wooden crafts!"

ASHLEY: Do you happen to have anything along the lines of this?

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: "Something so rudimentary? Let me see."

SAM and LAURA: Ooh!

ASHLEY: No, no, no, no, no.

TRAVIS: (distressed whimpering)

ASHLEY: I'm going to show it to Oltgar.

MATT: Oltgar goes--

TRAVIS: -- MCL.

AABRIA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Like this?

AABRIA: (laughs)

MATT: "That's fantastic work there."

LAURA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: It is. Anyway. You needed help?

MATT: "You do that yourself?"

ASHLEY: Did I? No, no, no, no, no! I hired somebody to make this. Very, very masterful craftsman.

MATT: "Wow! That's fine work." (Drix) "Yes, I'm sure it is. But you know. (chuckles) Still, antiques are quite the rage in some places, of course."

AABRIA: Oh my god!

MATT: "But nevertheless--"

SAM: What sort of favor did you need? I mean, we were just shopping, but you seem to be in need and we're the helpful sort.

MATT: "We were trying to get the aid of some of the local Glassblades, but they were a bit preoccupied as of late with the events in the Grand Disc below. I had a hard time getting a few of them to return my summons. But we are in the lookout for mercenary work."

SAM: For a toy store?

LAURA: You got firebugs?

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: "We've got firebugs that are dangerous, and also I have a--"

AABRIA: Mm-hmm?

MATT: "I have a pet."

SAM: A pet?

MATT: "I have a pet who this could become dangerous should it be continuing too long.

SAM: What?

LAURA: What kind of pet?

MATT: Oltgar goes, "Drixlitch here happens to be an appreciator of rare creatures."

ASHLEY: Oh?

AABRIA: What?

MATT: "And he... took up as our recent mascot." Takes a rock and chucks it up and you can see the sign where it says "D&O Toy Emporium," beneath it, you see this adorable looking worm with a cartoon face that's smiling. It looks like a glow worm. (laughs) It's just, "Ah!"

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Like a Trolli Worm? Like the sour coated worms?

MATT: Yeah! He's like, (Drix) "Indeed! Craskkalids are an incredible creature in their larval stage. In their larval stage, they remain in most temperatures. Unfortunately, where they reside, usually in much higher temperatures, they naturally go into their pupal stage, and in their final adult stage, which is far more dangerous."

LAURA: Has it gone into its larval state yet?

MATT: "Well, I haven't been inside yet! That's why we need mercenaries to go ahead and take out these pymon firebugs--"

AABRIA: Oh, that's what the ora was doing! I get it.

MATT: "-- before they get to my pet and make things exponentially worse!"

LAURA: How big are these full size wormy bugs?

MATT: "I don't know! I've not seen one!"

AABRIA: Don't yell at us!

MATT: "I'm not yelling. I'm just very (huffs) overworked!"

SAM: It does seem like some of us would want to go in there and look around and see what sort of chaos is... I mean, it seems like your fortunes have been up, but now they're like the down of the Whizzle-cages. Oh boy. That was--

LAURA: Wow.

AABRIA: What?

SAM: -- real bad.

AABRIA: You okay?

CHRISTIAN: It's okay. That was good, Fresh.

LAURA: What time is it? Does anybody know what time it is?

ASHLEY: That's like something I'd come up with.

LAURA: How much time have we got?

(laughter)

MATT: Well, clockwork time pieces are relatively common for homesteads here within Uthodurn. So you would know it's probably about 8:30, 9:00am.

AABRIA: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay. So we got a few hours.

AABRIA: We've got time.

LAURA: A few hours to take care of this. That's nothing.

AABRIA: Yeah!

ASHLEY: Did you keep these little creatures that you like your pets? Are they in cages?

MATT: "I just have one! Well, (laughs). My room resides on the top floor, as the majority stakeholder in the business."

AABRIA: You don't have to keep saying that part. We got it.

MATT: "Well, I'm just letting you know this is very important to me, and I, both of us."

AABRIA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: "Unfortunately, some people whose responsibility it was to keep things safe and contained dropped the ball. So now I have to clean up this mess. I would like to offer two individuals that you might bring upon as mercenaries to this endeavor a fine payment of 500 gold pieces for a job well done."

AABRIA: Amazing!

MATT: "And a possible sponsorship from D&O Toy Emporium."

AABRIA: It's this sponsorship thing all the time.

MATT: "I would request not to have all of the firebugs slain, if contained possible, as they are a valuable asset to our business to be re-contained."

LAURA: What if the magic never comes back? How are you going to contain them?

MATT: "The magic will come back. There's still magic throughout the city. We just had a brief hiccup."

TRAVIS: (laughs) Oh my god.

ASHLEY: You said it was 500 gold apiece?

AABRIA: That's what he said!

MATT: "500 gold."

SAM: Just for two for two persons, though, right? You said, right?

ASHLEY: I mean, for how successful you all are, 500 apiece really is not that much to ask.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: Guidance!

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: (laughs) Quick draw.

ASHLEY: Dirty 20.

MATT: Dirty 20.

AABRIA: Did you add the d4?

ASHLEY: Oh, I got Guidance?

MATT: You can't cast Guidance.

TRAVIS: You shouted it out.

AABRIA: Why not? She patted you on the butt, like, "You got this!"

LAURA: Don't forget to guide yourself!

AABRIA: Get in there!

LAURA: I can't Guide you. But Guide yourself.

MATT: I love the idea of like--

SAM: You're fine. You got 20, you're fine.

MATT: (laughs) I mean, of course, for other people--

TRAVIS and MATT: (sputtering spells)

(laughter)

MATT: There's visual and somatic components to the spell.

(laughter)

MATT: "Well, understand, this is a discussion, an ongoing. Oltgar goes, "500 apiece. "I think that sounds like a viable option, should somebody help salvage our business, which is--"

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: "-- only growing more and more dire by the minute."

SAM: Yeah! I mean, from inside the shop, there's definitely arising such a clatter. We should really--

LAURA: We should really head inside.

SAM: -- just go inside and see what's the matter.

ASHLEY: Arose such a clatter.

AABRIA: Uh-huh.

MATT: "I greatly-- We greatly appreciate it."

LAURA: Mr. Dick Lick, is your--

(laughter)

LAURA: -- is your bedroom locked?

MATT: "Drixlitch, thank you."

LAURA: Drixlitch, I'm sorry.

MATT: "That's all right.

LAURA: Is your bedroom locked? Do we need a key to get into anything?

MATT: "Oh, yes, actually!" He pulls out a small key ring. "This one," and hands you this small silver key and it has D&O put into it.

LAURA: Got it.

MATT: "Of course."

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: "That should let you into the room."

LAURA: Perfect.

MATT: "So are you to take this work on yourselves?"

AABRIA: Yes! Absolutely!

SAM: Yeah, yeah. Right now.

LAURA: Yeah. I mean, we're strong, capable.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: "Very well."

SAM: Magical.

CHRISTIAN: Well, as we prepare to follow him, I am going to try and-- Because I can't see Mr. Pock O'Pea, but I feel like I can feel his hatred in the air. And I like Mr. Pock O'Pea. So I am going to try and do two things at once to him. I'm going to kick the cane out from under him in a way that would appear as if it was an accident. Then, I'll try and hold him up. While I do that, I would like to steal the key rings.

SAM: Ooh!

ASHLEY: Yes!

AABRIA: Yes!

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Like, all the other keys?

ASHLEY: May I assist?

MATT: Yes. Yeah. I will allow you to assist because see, this is your game. All right, so he goes, "Well, allow me to briefly open the door. It is unsafe, so I'd recommend a rapid entry."

LAURA: How big are these creatures?

MATT: "Oh, they're very small."

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: "They tend to swarm. (chuckles)"

LAURA: Got it.

TRAVIS: Can I step back away from the group, and out of his line of sight, can I run my chisel across my palm (slices) and have ice shards, do a little Crimson Rite and have it run up the blade?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Will that drop my invisibility?

MATT: I'll allow that.

TRAVIS: Okay. Do I stay invisible or does it drop?

MATT: It is not an attack, it is technically not a spell, but it is a magical rite. (groans) It's challenging. I will say it probably will.

TRAVIS: Okay, great. I'll drop and stand there with my chisel behind my forearm and watching what's happening.

MATT: Okay. "So," and he turns towards the door, at which point you approach and see the proper opportunity--

CHRISTIAN: Oh, it's unsafe! I should probably--

MATT: Go ahead and make an athletics check for me.

ASHLEY: Guidance.

AABRIA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: I love this.

MATT: He has disadvantage because he's-- (laughs) Natural two.

CHRISTIAN: 16. (kick)

MATT: "(shrieks)"

CHRISTIAN: Oh, oh, oh!

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Are you okay?

LAURA and AABRIA: Oh no!

MATT: "(grunts)"

CHRISTIAN: I'm sorry.

MATT: "No, I'm sorry. It's an old war wound. (chuckles)"

CHRISTIAN: Oh, right. War?

AABRIA: Which war?

LAURA: Wow.

CHRISTIAN: You're so brave!

MATT: "An old one."

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: "I appreciate that."

CHRISTIAN: Oh, let me help you up here, and I'll--

MATT: Make a sleight of hand check.

SAM: Come on!

MATT: As you go ahead and help carry the back and draw the attention--

ASHLEY: Oh, yes yes yes.

MATT: -- and start talking to him as he gets lifted back up.

ASHLEY: Right this way. Right this way.

CHRISTIAN: So...

MATT: With advantage.

ASHLEY: Can I--

CHRISTIAN: Yes!

ASHLEY: Yeah? Okay.

CHRISTIAN: 19 plus four, I believe. Sleight of hand, you said, right? 19 plus four. 23.

MATT: Yep.

CHRISTIAN: That's right. 23? Yeah.

AABRIA: Yep. You're good.

MATT: "(grunts) How embarrassing! Sorry, it's early. I haven't had all of my oatmeal."

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Oh! Oatmeal.

SAM: He just had some of his oatmeal.

(laughter)

LAURA: Do you need a pancake or anything?

TRAVIS: Just some of it.

LAURA: We got extra.

TRAVIS: Coming back to that oatmeal a little bit later.

MATT: "Oh, I'm quite fine. Thank you. Oltgar, do keep watch. I'm going to go finish my oatmeal." Puts his hat back on, picks up his cane, (cane clicking) and walks off. You, clutching the ring of keys, palmed into your pocket

TRAVIS: As he starts walking--

SAM: ♪ Ring of keys ♪

TRAVIS: Can I time a group of people coming along the street and I'm going to try and walk along next to him and I'm going to run the chisel along the lower back of his calf and cast Brand of Castigation on his leg.

SAM: Oh god!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Blend into the feet of the people walking?

AABRIA: That's so good.

MATT: Yes, you may!

SAM: This is petty.

ASHLEY: What is-- I love it.

MATT: Starts walking into the road and you see him-- (grunt) Once he's not in visual range of other people, you can see he (heavier grunt) starts showing a little bit of frustration and reaches into a pocket and pulls out a small--

LAURA: Werther's.

(laughter)

MATT: Yes! Yes, it is! It is Uthodurnian Werther's. It's known as a Wither's.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Wither's!

CHRISTIAN: That erupted from you with such joy!

MATT: Pops it into his mouth and is like, "(lips smack) I do love that hard caramel flavor!"

(laughter)

AABRIA: Yes, yes, grandpa!

(laughter)

MATT: As you (slice) come up from underneath. You won't have to roll to attack. You (slice) and he "(shrieks)." Make a stealth check to try and dodge into the crowd.

TRAVIS: Great. No!

SAM: Come on. Come on!

TRAVIS: That was a 24.

SAM: Oh!

MATT: 24. He goes "(shrieks) What in the? What? Gah! You!"

LAURA: (laughs) Hits this 12-year-old kid who was playing with one of those cup-ball things. He goes, "Watch, where you swing that! Irreparable brat!"

(laughter)

MATT: "(groans) Ah! Ruined my pantaloons!" (laugh) Continues to walk off on his way. You feel bereft of attention.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

AABRIA: FCG, can I get a little to-go plate?

SAM: Oh! Yeah. I'll-- (door panel whirs open) You want to just reach in there?

AABRIA: Yeah, let me just get in there. I want to offer Oltgar. Hey, why don't you take a seat out here and have a nice breakfast?

MATT: (Oltgar) "I didn't want to assume. I maybe thought that was armor when you first approached. I've not been fed a meal out of another person's stomach before. That's a new experience."

(laughter)

SAM: Well, I've been told it's all pretty good. I can't taste it myself, but I made it last night. Or no! You made it. I kept it warm.

MATT: "That's teamwork."

AABRIA: Teamwork!

(laughter)

MATT: "Mm! That is quite delicious! Thank you. (laughs)"

CHRISTIAN: That laugh. (laughs)

AABRIA: God, he's so pleasant.

ASHLEY: The owner of this place--

LAURA: All right. We should go in.

ASHLEY: -- is really something else.

MATT: "He's--"

LAURA: Detect Thoughts.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh! You're fast!

AABRIA: Let's go.

TRAVIS: Too fast!

MATT: "He's a unique individual who has a good mind for business and has been spearheading the steady expansion of our trade after many years of not finding quite the approval and audience and community that we have been hoping for."

ASHLEY: Oh, you're so sweet.

MATT: The surface thoughts are, "This fucking son of a bitch--"

TRAVIS: Oh!

(laughter)

AABRIA: Yeah!

MATT: " -- has crushed the spirit--"

(laughter)

MATT: "-- from me and every maker beneath me. I can't wait to go home and drink my sorrows for my poor choices."

LAURA: Aw!

(laughter)

AABRIA: Buddy!

TRAVIS: Better recognize!

LAURA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: I'll find someone's eyes across the street and be like--

SAM: Oh!

LAURA: Let's go! In your head.

TRAVIS: Yep.

LAURA: Let's get the fucking--

TRAVIS: I'll walk around Oltgar's field of view and wait for the door to open and look at the rest of them.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Yeah. All right. Well--

AABRIA: We doing this?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: "Good luck!"

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: "Don't get in too much trouble. If it gets bad, you go ahead and rush out here and let me know. I'll open the door, all right?"

AABRIA: Oh my god! The sweetest man!

LAURA: Thank you. Thank you, Oltgar.

ASHLEY: Yeah. My goodness gracious.

MATT: "No, thank you. (chuckles)" Keeps eating off of the plate.

AABRIA: What a little cutie! Ah! Let's go in. How bad could this be?

MATT: (door squeaks open) You open the door and immediately the smell of burnt wood and hair hits your nostrils from the darky lit interior.

LAURA: Prestidigitation. (laughs)

MATT: You all enter the chamber?

AABRIA: Febreze! Febreze!

CHRISTIAN: Yep.

SAM: Yeah. So wait, is Chetney with us then?

LAURA: Yeah, he was waiting for us.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm going to slide in amongst everyone else.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: You're going to sort of--

TRAVIS: I jump up and clutch to Fearne's inner thigh.

MATT and CHRISTIAN: (laugh)

ASHLEY: Stay there.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: No one's coming yet. Or actually, no one's in here. You can get off my leg.

TRAVIS: Oh. Okay.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Got to come down real slow.

AABRIA: Crazy!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh boy!

MATT: All right. As you all enter the D&O Toy Emporium, closing the door behind you, the shadowed specter of what is likely a lively, child wonder-filled interior now sits somewhat soot-filled, empty, intense. That's where we're going to take a break.

SAM: Ooh!

AABRIA: Yeah!

MATT: Back here in just a moment to see where this takes us. But yeah, we'll see you all here in a few minutes.

AABRIA: We could just burn it.

Part II
AABRIA: Parmesan.

MATT: And wel-- wow.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

MATT: Real late on the draw there. (laughs)

ASHLEY: A little bit late.

MATT: Welcome back.

(laughter)

SAM: ♪ Suddenly ♪

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Little Cock of Horrors.

(laughter)

MATT: We are unhinged tonight, ladies and gentlemen, and everyone delightfully in between.

TRAVIS: ♪ Watch 'em drop ♪

(laughter)

SAM: We're ready, Matt.

MATT: Are you?

SAM: Hard-hitting Santa mythology.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Give me that deep Kringle lore.

TRAVIS: Give me that deep Kringle.

MATT: Deep Kringle.

AABRIA: Oh no!

(laughter)

AABRIA: That's why that woman wanted to kill him.

(laughter)

AABRIA: She got deep Kringle.

MATT: So--

CHRISTIAN: Santa slays, you know what I mean?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Wow. Wow! (laughter)

(laughter)

MATT: You close the door behind you as you're now essentially latched within the D&O Toy Emporium.

LAURA: Mage Armor.

MATT: Mage Armor on yourself. Any other preparation that wants to be done?

TRAVIS: Did you hear that shit? Primary owner? He just practically forced him out. Can you believe it? He rebranded the whole thing.

LAURA: Oh, by the way.

AABRIA: Bad for you.

LAURA: Oltgar hates him, can't stand him.

AABRIA: Yeah, you can catch that vibe. Oh, did you do a?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Oltgar seemed okay, though, Chetney.

LAURA: Why did you stab him?

TRAVIS: Did you check him for an enchantment, a possession?

SAM: No.

TRAVIS: Then you don't know!

SAM: Oh boy, you're pretty worked up. I will Sympathetically Bind to you.

TRAVIS: (moans)

SAM: I want to know that you'll be okay.

AABRIA: What's happening? What are you doing to him?

SAM: I will Sympathetically Bind to you.

AABRIA: Ugh!

(laughter)

SAM: I going to Sympathetically Bind to everybody, except for you.

LAURA: Aw.

(laughter and groaning)

MATT: ♪ ("Price is Right" losing horn) ♪

CHRISTIAN: Hey, Mr. Pock O'Pea?

TRAVIS: Yes?

CHRISTIAN: I did a thing.

TRAVIS: Oh.

CHRISTIAN: I felt sort of guilty, but Miss Calloway helped me. I'll throw you the keys.

TRAVIS: (gasps) Incredible.

ASHLEY: That was really beautiful sleight of hand work, I will say that.

CHRISTIAN: Well, the more he spoke, the angrier I got.

ASHLEY: Yeah, oh my god, I was feeling that, too. I was like, "I'm just going to kill him at any minute."

CHRISTIAN: I was feeling for Mr. Pock O'Pea.

TRAVIS: You should act on those.

LAURA: I didn't even see you take the keys.

CHRISTIAN: Miss Calloway assisted in a lovely bait and switch there.

ASHLEY: I just, yeah.

LAURA: Amazing. I also have his room key right here.

ASHLEY: Oh wow.

TRAVIS: His room key? I'll trade you.

SAM: His room key?

TRAVIS: There you go.

LAURA: We can search everything else.

CHRISTIAN: If there's any chests.

TRAVIS: I saw you guys conversing, but I don't exactly know what we're doing. Are we burning it down from the inside?

ASHLEY: We have to take care of some bugs.

LAURA: Swarm of bugs.

ASHLEY: Are we getting rid of the bugs?

LAURA: But I don't know how to catch swarming bugs.

AABRIA: Catch them, but try not to kill them.

CHRISTIAN: He said don't kill all of them.

TRAVIS: As long as they're not pymon firebugs, we should be okay.

AABRIA: No, they're, ooh, why?

CHRISTIAN: That's exactly what they are.

TRAVIS: No.

AABRIA: Why that, though?

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

AABRIA: Oh no, he's going off to his mind palace.

TRAVIS: Of all the centuries of my past. The darkest foe-- I don't fucking, I heard it, I have great ears.

AABRIA: Okay, shut up.

(laughter)

AABRIA: I was ready to go with you, like--

TRAVIS: Well, we're here.

AABRIA: Go back to the past.

TRAVIS: The 600s.

(laughter)

LAURA: All right, so where are these bugs?

MATT: As you're now within the main entryway to the chamber here, you see there's a clerk table at the front with a chair. There are all manner of small knickknacks and metallic toys and creatures that are set up on the display up front. You can see there are hanging lanterns that the oil has burned out at this point. There is a doorway to the right and there is to the right and left of this central clerk chair, a large archway that leads into a wide hallway into the back of the shop as well. But hanging all around are strings of cable with small glass shapes on them, like, animals for decor. You can see there is, now that the smell of burnt hair and soot has passed you, there are nice almost candy-like smells that seem to occasionally drift through the air.

CHRISTIAN: (toots)

LAURA: Excuse you.

MATT and AABRIA: (laugh)

MATT: Good on you for calling it out. You can see there are shelf units on the sides and little tables and platforms where beautiful little carved mechanical clockwork bears and animals seem to sit at rest with large winding keys that protrude from their back or side. You can see there are music boxes. You can see there are glass orbs with small miniaturized displays within them. There are all manner of beautiful little things and you would purchase whether passing through or living here for a child on all manner of days, or a purveyor, collector of rare, well-crafted, modern toys.

SAM: (whispers) Modern.

ASHLEY: Do you like anything here? Is this well-made? Okay.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

ASHLEY: I don't even want to steal anything.

SAM: Whoa.

LAURA: Can I see, is there a really beautiful wooden, I mean metal toy sitting on a shelf or anywhere?

MATT: Oh yeah, yeah, there's a number of them. There's one that you see that looks like-- It's a replication of some of the large craft cranes that are utilized in the assembly of some of the larger homesteads that drift up on the sides and against the ceiling of the interior caverns of the city.

LAURA: Wow, that one is really beautiful, Chet.

TRAVIS: Which one?

LAURA: I'm going to take my Mage Hand and smash it off the top shelf.

MATT: (glass shatters) (metal clanks)

LAURA: That one, Chet.

TRAVIS: Thank you, Imogen.

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

SAM: I'll pick it up and eat it.

MATT, AABRIA, and LAURA: (laugh)

SAM: It's disgusting.

TRAVIS: Thank you, FCG.

CHRISTIAN: Insight check.

AABRIA: I feel like I'm in the middle of something.

TRAVIS: I feel seen.

SAM: It's really good.

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: I'm going to take some of these, too.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Old Fart, Oltgar forgot who he was.

ASHLEY: Old Fart?

TRAVIS: Old Fart.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Old Fart.

SAM: Old Fart and Dick Lick?

TRAVIS: Old Fart, son of a bitch.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Oh no, it's perfect.

TRAVIS: Old Fart Dick Lick.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: He forgot what got him here in the first place. Tried to adapt, lost his way.

ASHLEY: What got him here in the first place?

TRAVIS: Wooden toys, craftsmanship.

SAM: But I don't understand, he seemed kind and worried about his business. You painted him as some sort of monster.

LAURA: (laughs)

SAM: Oh.

TRAVIS: I don't want to hear any of that.

AABRIA: Ooh!

LAURA: Oh.

TRAVIS: Look, he taught me a lot about wood carving. I love working with wood. But then he forgot all of it and I understand if the shop might have fallen out of favor and I understand if there were less customers, but sometimes you got to go down with the ship. You don't change and just forget everything that you've been working for the past 250, 300 years.

CHRISTIAN: Well, Mr. Pock O'Pea, Catlyn, the woman who makes my clothes, she told me that the jacket I was wearing used to be in fashion 100, 150 years ago, and now it's back in fashion. So I imagine this might be an opportunity for reconciliation between you and Old Fart. If we can help him and find a way to dispatch of Dick Lick.

ASHLEY: Like wood making has come-back around.

LAURA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: It might, like my jacket. Maybe children want to play with something more quality rather than quantity.

ASHLEY: Yeah, they want to play with something that doesn't have magic that just sits there.

AABRIA: My little girl, Marney, loved puppets.

SAM: Did you just say your little girl?

AABRIA: When she was little.

SAM: Oh.

AABRIA: Yeah.

AABRIA: Loved marionettes.

ASHLEY: Don't look at me like that, Chet, I was just kidding.

TRAVIS: It just sits there.

ASHLEY: No, it doesn't.

LAURA: No, no, Chet made me a horse that moves.

ASHLEY: That's right.

LAURA: Sort of, kind of, not really.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Which is so hard to do with wood-- (laughs)

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Do you know how many hours, actual hours that took?

LAURA: I know, it did take you so long--

TRAVIS: You ungrateful--

LAURA: -- you so long. It's beautiful. It is the most beautiful horse--

MATT: (buzzing) It's about this point that you see this--

ASHLEY: Oh no.

(laughter)

SAM: Oh, thank goodness.

AABRIA: Fearne's like, "Great, mortal peril."

ASHLEY: Oh my god! Run towards it.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Ah!

MATT: Oh my god.

CHRISTIAN: That sounds like a dolphin.

ASHLEY: (dolphin-ish whine)

(laughter and cheering)

AABRIA: Yeah, we got this!

(laughter and cheering)

MATT: Yes!

(laughter)

MATT: This warm glow seems to curl from underneath the doorway that leads to the right-hand chamber where you are. This faint buzzing sound, this low, and immediately you watch as these glowing beetles swarm into the space where you are, and swirl in the air for a second before beautifully drifting there. Slowing down, just glittering.

SAM: Oh, okay.

AABRIA: Oh, they're nice.

SAM: Should we capture them somehow?

AABRIA: I don't know, man.

LAURA: What are we going to capture them in?

CHRISTIAN: Inside FCG.

LAURA: Won't they explode your core or something?

CHRISTIAN: We don't know.

SAM: I don't know either. I mean, if that's where you need them to go, I'll try.

ASHLEY: Wait, do we have the--

CHRISTIAN: He can handle high pressures of heat.

ASHLEY: We don't have the hole.

TRAVIS: No.

AABRIA: The hole?

TRAVIS: Yeah, the big thing, we throw things in it.

SAM: Catch one. They wanted them alive?

TRAVIS: Individually, about how large are they?

MATT: About the size of a coin, little piece.

TRAVIS: There's several dozen or like--

MATT: This one swarm, you see there's probably about maybe close to 100 or so.

AABRIA: Do these count as beasts?

MATT: These count as, yes, possibly.

AABRIA: Can I try to use Speak With Small Beasts?

MATT: Yes, you may.

AABRIA: Sweet, okay. Buzz, hi.

MATT: (intense insect buzzes)

AABRIA: Hey, hey, guys. Okay, a little vibe, this is nice. Actually, kind of nice, this is great. Can we agree to maybe everyone sit down on this table and we'll all gather here.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

ASHLEY: Guidance.

AABRIA: Thank you!

TRAVIS: Could I assist her? Because I could also speak with small creatures.

AABRIA: Oh, that's right, because we're like that. Okay, okay. What am I doing, animal handling?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

AABRIA: 21. Oh, hold on and Guidance.

TRAVIS: Dang. 16 and 15!

AABRIA: 24.

MATT: 24.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: (insect buzzes) They glide and as opposed to landing on the table entirely, because it's this large swarm, some land on your shoulders and some land on the table nearby. Some land on your head, and as they land, you can feel this radiating warmth from them, to the point where in their resting state, it's not uncomfortably hot, but you definitely can sense that, who knows what happens in a state of agitation.

AABRIA: Copy that. Hey, FCG, can I have a pancake with some syrup on it, please.

SAM: Pew, pew, pew, pew.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: I wipe syrup on my armor to keep them happy.

SAM: Oh god.

MATT: (buzzes) They swarm onto the syrup and they're now like-- The ones that were on the table like-- You know that beekeeper that's wearing the beard of bees? You're now swarmed in pymon firebugs. You are glowing like a weird mantle halo around you.

LAURA: We got to get them contained.

SAM: Contained, how do we contain? Is there anything around that's like a large box?

LAURA: Is there a large box?

AABRIA: Inside voices.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: Is there a box?

LAURA: They can't understand us.

MATT: Both of you make perception checks for me.

SAM: Perception checks.

AABRIA: (laughs)

SAM: 23 over here.

LAURA: 12. All right.

MATT: 12, all right. Point of order, because it is dark in here, have any of you created a light source to look around?

LAURA: I can.

MATT: I probably assume that would've happened probably early in, so, cool, no disadvantage on your perception roll. You glance around and there looks to be a small wooden container at the bottom shelf of the nearby area. The lid's slightly off, it looks like it's either been an emptied or is mostly emptied storage bin for something.

SAM: Like a chest?

LAURA: What about a metal chest? Something that's not wood. Wouldn't they just catch the wood on fire?

AABRIA: They'll super heat the metal, though, too.

SAM: If it's closed, there won't be enough oxygen to--

AABRIA: Little glass? Anything with glass?

SAM: Oh, let's try, I'm going to go get that one just so we have something. And gingerly slide it open.

LAURA: Oh yeah, maybe we can put the syrup. Can we put some syrup and pancakes inside of the box? Let's just do that.

AABRIA: Great.

ASHLEY: All right, let's give it a go.

SAM: I think I have one more pancake.

AABRIA: Yeah.

SAM: (laughs)

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Maybe.

MATT: You go ahead and--

AABRIA: It's warm in here, it's warm in here.

MATT: It is, you're sweating. It's almost to the point of pain discomfort.

AABRIA: Yeah, we're good, I'm having a great time.

MATT: You toss into the thing, into the box, and some of them head inside. There are some that still remain along the mantle, but about half the amount of the swarm is now shifted into the box.

LAURA: Maybe ask them if they want to go in.

AABRIA: Yeah, hey guys, rest of you maybe want to scoot on into the box? Thank you so much, this is so lovely. I am pitting out.

MATT: Make one more persuasion check.

TRAVIS: Do we have any idea what pymon firebugs love to feed on or enjoy?

MATT: Make a nature check.

TRAVIS: Yeah, this will go well.

AABRIA: Seven.

TRAVIS: Natural fucking 20.

(oohing)

TRAVIS: 23.

MATT: Yeah. Sugar and wood.

LAURA: Oh, great.

MATT: As you say this loudly, the ones that are on your mantle start getting hotter and hotter, and hotter.

AABRIA: Oh, okay, okay. We're great, this is good, so good.

SAM: So this box isn't going to do it, is it?

LAURA: No.

ASHLEY: Okay, I think I can make a bubble of air and maybe put them in there?

SAM: You can do that?

ASHLEY: I think so.

SAM: Try.

TRAVIS: Well, there's only one way to find out.

ASHLEY: How do I get them in there?

SAM: Just get at least the half that-- Can you only do it it once?

LAURA: Hold on, will a swarm? Okay, I have a question. Do you think a swarm would be one entity, or would it be a bunch of little entities?

MATT: It's considered a singular entity.

LAURA: Okay, then I am going to try to use Telekinesis and force all of them together in a ball.

MATT: Okay, okay. That is definitively--

LAURA: In a ball.

SAM: Even the ones off of Aabria's bust?

CHRISTIAN: Guidance!

AABRIA: Who?

TRAVIS: Hello.

AABRIA: You leave my tiddy bugs alone.

(laughter)

MATT: So make an ability check with your spellcasting ability. So d20, adding your charisma.

LAURA: Okay.

AABRIA: Can they move a little lower?

LAURA: I mean, that would be amazing.

AABRIA: Right?

CHRISTIAN: Oh, I do have Bless. What is Bless now?

LAURA: 22.

MATT: Yeah, they got a four.

(laughter)

MATT: As these bugs are buzzing and spreading out and they're getting brighter and brighter around your neck, suddenly they all are scraped off and ones that are in the box are all pushed into one contained sphere.

LAURA: Now's the time.

MATT: And they're getting brighter. They're now agitated, but they're stuck there.

SAM: What is this thing that you're doing?

LAURA: Is this a bubble that can pop, or is this an indestructible bubble?

ASHLEY: I'm not sure.

LAURA: Okay, I hope it's indestructible.

ASHLEY: Going to cast Air Bubble.

MATT: Okay, okay.

SAM: It's a real thing?

ASHLEY: Yes.

SAM: Okay!

ASHLEY: I don't know if I can use it in this way, but let's find out.

SAM: I've never heard this spell cast before.

TRAVIS: I haven't either. What level is it?

ASHLEY: 2nd, but I can cast it higher, I can make a couple more if I need to.

MATT: I got to go look at the spell here.

ASHLEY: I think you can use it as a--

SAM: I love it.

ASHLEY: Like a scuba helmet, maybe.

SAM: Oh, oh, okay.

LAURA: But can they pop it from the inside, does it pop?

ASHLEY: Let's see.

TRAVIS: You know, because it's a bubble.

ASHLEY: It lasts for 24 hours.

SAM: Amazing.

AABRIA: Sweet, sweet man.

MATT: Is a spectral globe around the head of a willing creature you can see within range.

ASHLEY: Willing, shit. Well, I already cast it.

MATT: Well, here's the thing, here's the thing. I'll say, given the instance that you are trying to make this a containment element, roll a d20 and add your wisdom modifier to it.

TRAVIS: Come on, here we go.

MATT: I will say for this, because it is a challenge to attempt the spell, it'll have disadvantage.

ASHLEY: Okay. Oh no, I rolled a one.

(laughter)

MATT: As you push them into this bubble that Fearne has created, they are entrapped within and they rest for a second. The buzzing muffled.

ASHLEY: Got them. I got them!

SAM: Woo, that was easy.

CHRISTIAN: That is great, Fearne.

MATT: (explosion)

LAURA: Oh, oh god.

MATT: I need you guys to roll initiative.

(groaning and cheering)

LAURA: Are they still held in my Telekinesis, because that can last up to 10 minutes?

ASHLEY: I felt it again. I knew it was--

CHRISTIAN: It was pretty brilliant, though.

SAM: This insect-based combat is brought to you by WizKids. Ready your paints, the newest set of pre-primed minis from WizKids are available at your local game store. Check out the entire Critical Role collection at wizkids.io/crminis.

(oohing)

ASHLEY: Whoa!

MATT: All right, so...

AABRIA: This is beautiful!

CHRISTIAN: Gorgeous.

ASHLEY: Is it bringing back memories, Chet?

TRAVIS: It's bringing home--

MATT: If anybody would like a particular or different placement as to where they are.

AABRIA: I would like to be on a different map.

MATT: Sorry, it's not going to happen, but...

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So, where would anybody else like me to place them?

SAM: I was near the box of bugs.

MATT: Right, which would likely be--

TRAVIS: Front door's right there.

MATT: -- over here, probably towards this side. Yeah, you entered from this side.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: This is the entryway that the bugs came through underneath and left it open.

AABRIA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I feel like I'll go over by that opening over there.

MATT: Right here?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, so you're holding it here.

CHRISTIAN: I think maybe--

ASHLEY: Standing across from--

CHRISTIAN: I think maybe I'd be in that empty doorway there.

MATT: Right here?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah, maybe across it.

MATT: Okay, so you moved in to here?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: Ranger.

AABRIA: Right.

MATT: Everyone else good where they are or do you want to--

SAM: Sure.

MATT: -- move yourself out.

TRAVIS: I'll be--

AABRIA: That's great.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll be over by Imogen, near the other, yeah.

MATT: Okay, there you go. As you're telekinetically pushing it over into that space. Let's see. It was restrained until the end of your next turn and then you can continue to use your action to try and contain it, if you'd like to.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: But we'll see how that initiative works, so. Oh, there you go, natural 20 on their initiative.

AABRIA: Wild.

ASHLEY and LAURA: Whoa.

TRAVIS: Damn.

AABRIA: Do they have disadvantage?

MATT: No, they don't. It's okay, it's one of their only decent stats. All right, so. 25 to 20.

SAM: Whoops.

CHRISTIAN: Looking real good here.

ASHLEY: Cool.

MATT: 20 to 15.

LAURA: 18.

CHRISTIAN: 16.

SAM: 18.

TRAVIS: 16.

LAURA: What's your dex?

SAM: Rollies. 14.

LAURA: 13.

AABRIA: Ah, so close.

TRAVIS: So FCG, Imogen...

MATT: FRIDA.

TRAVIS: FRIDA.

MATT: 15 to 10.

ASHLEY: 10.

LAURA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: (laughs)

MATT: 10 to five.

AABRIA: Six.

MATT: All righty.

CHRISTIAN: Cleric energy here.

AABRIA: Damn.

MATT: Chetney?

AABRIA: Ooh, I'm on my Pike bullshit, that's what this is.

TRAVIS: Oh, I'm with FRIDA at 16.

LAURA: Ah.

MATT: Okay, gotcha.

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: Who had the higher dex?

TRAVIS: I think you.

CHRISTIAN: I believe I do, four.

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Yep.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Got it. So, (buzzes). The swarm is right there next to you, Fearne. (buzzes) They swarm around and contain you.

LAURA: They can do that? They're not in a ball?

MATT: No, because you can hold them until the next turn which you used to push them in there.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Then they burst free from the bubble.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Which means on your next action, you'll be able to try and contain them again.

LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: Boy, I thought that was going to work.

SAM: It was a great idea.

ASHLEY: I think so, too. But...

SAM: They didn't.

ASHLEY: They didn't like it.

MATT: They did not, unfortunately. But they're going to (buzzes), swarm around you and do a swarm of bites against you. That's going to be a 20 to hit.

AABRIA: Ooh.

MATT: Does that hit?

ASHLEY: Yeah. Sorry sorry.

MATT: You take five points of piercing damage.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: And four points of fire damage.

ASHLEY: Okay. That's not too bad.

AABRIA: Goddamn.

CHRISTIAN: Well, can I use Living Shield to impose disadvantage on that? Is she close enough to me?

MATT: Unfortunately, she is, you know, you were in the other room over there so you have to be right next to them to do that.

CHRISTIAN: Right. Five feet.

MATT: I'm sorry, and that's actually an additional 11 points piercing damage on top of that, which I forgot about.

ASHLEY: It's okay.

SAM: Damn it.

ASHLEY: That wasn't too bad.

MATT: Now it's (buzzes), swarming around you at that point in time. That's going to finish their turn. FCG, you're up, Imogen, you're on deck.

SAM: I will cast a spell.

MATT: What are you going to cast?

SAM: I'm going to cast this 4th-level spell, Compulsion.

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: Ooh.

SAM: I don't know if it shall work. It's a wisdom 15 saving throw. "Creatures of my choice must make a saving throw or else I can tell it which way to go."

MATT: Okay. Wisdom save, 21.

SAM: Oh wow.

MATT: It was a natural 19.

SAM: Oh boy.

AABRIA: Goddamn.

MATT: Sorry.

SAM: They're wise bugs.

LAURA: Wise little bugs.

MATT: Very driven bugs.

SAM: Yeah. Well then, in that case, I don't have much I can do. I will, because I have bound myself to Fearne-- she's having some issues. Who's up next? You are. I will... "A d6 they can add to a single attack roll." You don't do attack rolls, you do spell shit.

LAURA: I am going to have an ability check, probably.

SAM: I'm going to give you a Bonded Blessing.

LAURA: All right.

SAM: You get a d6 added to whatever kind of roll you want to do.

LAURA: Oh, sweet.

SAM: On your next turn. That's my bonus action.

LAURA: On my next turn?

SAM: Yeah, on this turn.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: So you guys--

SAM: Or whenever you, no, whatever you want. It's like inspiration, sort of, for the next...

MATT: Kind of like that.

SAM: I'll just move out of the room.

MATT: Which way you going?

SAM: Past Imogen.

MATT: You got it. Back further or...

SAM: No, that's good.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Anything in that room that I see? Any other bugs?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Oh god.

SAM: 18 plus stuff.

MATT: 18. As you back into the chamber, you can see there's scattered toys, parts of the table have been burned and eaten away. In the middle of this chamber, the far shelves you can see also have damage from flame. Looks like a battle or a swing of an axe or some sort of weapon has shattered some of the shelving units there. You do hear behind you... (buzzes)

SAM: Oh boy.

LAURA: Not another one.

AABRIA: No.

MATT: As a glow appears from around this side of the corner.

SAM: Oh god.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: That finishes your go.

SAM: There's more!

MATT: All right, Imogen, you're up, FRIDA on deck.

LAURA: Okay. Can I try to bring them together again and force them up?

MATT: Yes, you can, make another ability check. They're at a 14.

LAURA: That's 22 again.

MATT: 22 again. Indeed the swarm around Fearne (buzzes) gets contained into the sphere and lifted up into the air. They're essentially now up above you and unable at the moment to swarm you until they can break free at the end of your next turn.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to hold them in as tight of a ball as I can.

MATT: You got it. (buzzing) It's now this bright sphere of light. They're now burning angrily. You can still feel the heat from it and you can imagine being in the center of that right now would be very bad.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Point of-point of-point of, point of order.

TRAVIS: Point've--

SAM: I did not give you a Bonded Blessing because I had not bond to you.

LAURA: Oh, so you can't.

MATT: That's right.

SAM: I can't, so I will have passed it on to good old FRIDA instead.

MATT: All right, so FRIDA, you got a d6. You can add it to an attack. Ability check, that kind of thing.

CHRISTIAN: An attack roll or damage?

MATT: Attack roll or an ability check or saving throw. You'd have to look at the details on that one, but yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

MATT: So you got that at the ready. Stay put or do you want to move?

LAURA: Oh, eh. I'm going to shout out (vocalizes) I'm going to shout: If we can find any of those cages, that'd be real good right now.

AABRIA: They don't do anything right now.

TRAVIS: Cages are magic.

LAURA: But we could at least shut them, lock them or something. Get them in the cage and then lock it, so...

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: -- they can't...

SAM: The Whizzle-cages?

LAURA: Yeah, maybe it's made of metal or something.

AABRIA: Okay, okay.

MATT: All right.

SAM: No bad ideas.

MATT: Want to stay put?

AABRIA: Blue sky.

MATT: You going to stay put or you going to...

LAURA: I'm going to stay put.

MATT: All right, you got it. Finishing your go, that brings us to FRIDA, with Chet on deck.

LAURA: That's going to be the thing that fixes this, you dick.

SAM: I know it, you wonderful person.

LAURA: You dick lick.

AABRIA: (laughs)

CHRISTIAN: I will bonus action hide behind that corner there.

MATT: All right, make a stealth check for me.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah. Eight plus 12.

MATT: All right, so you feel pretty hidden at the moment.

CHRISTIAN: Okay, I will... I will burn a grit point--

MATT: Mm-hmm.

CHRISTIAN: -- and use Dazing Shot as I take a shot at the swarm.

MATT: Okay. You duck and hide into the shadow and then reach around the side of the entryway and (gun fires) fire at the currently contained swarm. As you blast, roll an attack roll. I will give you an advantage on this because it is currently held in place and is not able to really defend itself.

TRAVIS: Nice.

CHRISTIAN: It's...

MATT: It's restrained.

CHRISTIAN: Plus 12. 24.

MATT: That definitely hits.

AABRIA: Woo.

MATT: Roll damage.

CHRISTIAN: It's 2d8 plus six and I get sneak attack, right?

MATT: You do indeed.

CHRISTIAN: 2d8 plus d6. Seven, six, 13 plus three is 16 plus six.

MATT: All right.

CHRISTIAN: So--

LAURA: 22.

CHRISTIAN: 22.

MATT: 22 points of piercing damage to it. (magic blasting) You blast into it and you see it light up angrily as it hits from the impact it gets suddenly brighter than you've ever seen it, for a brief moment, and the air around it gets extremely hot for a moment. All of you wince before it returns to its central state. Immediately get that them taking damage seems to anger them more than anything. They do take some hits, though. It is difficult to shoot into a swarm with the same effect as a singular creature. So you still do damage, but it doesn't have quite the impact you're hoping.

CHRISTIAN: Con save 16.

MATT: Con save 16. Natural fucking 20 there.

AABRIA: Damn!

CHRISTIAN: Whoa.

MATT: Of course my fucking swarm is rolling great. My bull dude's like, ah, I fail out of the gate and I'm going to talk to you for an hour. That's cool, that's cool, being a GM.

TRAVIS: Ain't that always the way the swarm is?

MATT: Yep. Yep.

AABRIA: Yeah, I feel ya.

MATT: You know, you know.

AABRIA: I feel ya, bud.

CHRISTIAN: Okay, so I noticed Fresh Cut Grass go into that other room and I'll use the rest of, or all of my movement to get into the room with Fresh Cut Grass.

MATT: Indeed.

CHRISTIAN: If I can be within five feet of him, I will.

MATT: What's your movement speed?

CHRISTIAN: 30 feet? 30 feet.

MATT: 25 to 30, that's as close as you can get on movement there.

CHRISTIAN: Am I within five feet?

MATT: No, you were about 20 feet from them, unfortunately.

CHRISTIAN: Okay, no problem. Yep, that's my turn.

SAM: Hi, FRIDA!

MATT: Okay, that finishes your go.

CHRISTIAN: Hi, Fresh Cut Grass.

MATT: Chetney, you're up, with Fearne on deck.

TRAVIS: I unleash the crazy scythe and I utter the word: Done. And it transforms (magic whizzing). I'll look down through the two doorways, and I will cast Shatter at the second swarm that's two rooms away.

AABRIA: (gasps)

MATT: Oh shit, okay. All right.

AABRIA: Let's go.

MATT: Is that a constitution save?

TRAVIS: It is.

MATT: That is going to be a 10.

TRAVIS: 14.

MATT: All righty.

AABRIA: Woo hoo.

TRAVIS: Let's go. Where are all my fucking d8s?

AABRIA: Do you need some?

AABRIA: No, don't use mine. My dice are not good.

TRAVIS: 16. 10. 26. 26 points of thunder damage.

MATT: You all hear (thunderous impact) this heavy impact of thunderous noise and force blast on the far chamber. Bits and pieces of chunks of wood and metal and all sorts of now completely destroyed trinkets that once lined some of the back chamber goes flying in a spray up towards the front. FCG, you feel (rapid small impacts) towards the back of you as you get showered with the detonated collectibles that are now scattered.

TRAVIS: Oh, not the store.

(laughter)

MATT: You see the swarm of firebugs (explosion). Only maybe a third of it remains, and you can see the heat and light about it is heavily diminished.

AABRIA: Ooh.

TRAVIS: Oh no, ooh.

MATT: It's still your turn.

TRAVIS: I'm going to move. I'm actually going to run into this room and run along this wall.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Yeah. 35.

MATT: Easy enough to get over there, if you'd like.

TRAVIS: Great.

MATT: All right. That finishes your go. Fearne, you're up, with Deanna on deck.

ASHLEY: All right, I have an idea.

MATT: What you got?

ASHLEY: I have a question. If it doesn't work... I have another idea if this doesn't work.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Okay. I'd like to try to use Snare.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: But I don't know if I can make it look like a really large butterfly net thing that I can just... The ball that Imogen has of all the firebugs.

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: If I can just like, a really large net try to snag them in there.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Spell, okay.

SAM: I'll allow it.

(laughter)

MATT: No. Okay. You create essentially this illusion of a butterfly sort of like, a magical glyph on the ground, is that what you're saying?

ASHLEY: Like a butterfly net.

MATT: Got you. Okay. Okay.

ASHLEY: So a large one.

MATT: I see. A butterfly net.

ASHLEY: So I can bring it up to where Imogen has them all tightened.

MATT: Okay, so you create that on the ground of the floor, she'd have to bring it down for you, but you can create that on the ground below it, if you'd like to. "Setting the trap, Ray," kind of a vibe.

ASHLEY: All right. Imogen.

LAURA: Mm.

ASHLEY: Would you be able to move them into this net or should I try to get the net up there?

LAURA: I think I can, I think I can, yeah.

ASHLEY: All right. It's like a really long wooden pole with a really large net at the end of it.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Even though it's not real. All right, I'm going to put this right here.

MATT: All right. You finish casting this incantation and the vines extend out of nowhere and create the handle of this long pole that then splits off into this net-like box. As you set it down, you watch as the magic creates this gossamer, semi-ethereal net that hangs below. As soon as you set it on the ground, the vines deconnect from your hand and it clatters gently to the floor beneath it.

ASHLEY: Arose such a clatter.

(laughter)

MATT: All right. Does that finish your turn? You want to move or stay put?

ASHLEY: No, I'm going to stay put.

MATT: Okay, finishing your go. Deanna, you're up.

AABRIA: Okay. Eyes on the prize. We're trying to keep some of them alive. Can I move into the other room, so I've got, I just need to be within 30 feet of the second swarm also.

MATT: 15, 20.

AABRIA: I only have 15 feet of movement.

MATT: Okay, 15.

AABRIA: I'm not a blood hunter.

MATT: You can get about that door and you are within five, 10, 15, 20, yeah, you're within 30 of that.

AABRIA: Perfect. Then while using my Speak With Small Beasts--

MATT: It does have half cover, but yeah.

AABRIA: That's okay. Sure. While using my Speak With Small Beasts to be like: Everyone needs to calm down. In my mom voice. I'm going to cast Blindness on both swarms.

(oohing)

ASHLEY: Yes.

TRAVIS: Slick.

AABRIA: DC 17 con save.

CHRISTIAN: ♪ I love your brain, Aabria ♪

AABRIA: (grunts) If we could all just sit down.

ASHLEY: Such a good idea.

MATT: It's one creature normally for blindness.

AABRIA: Right, oh, sorry, I'm upcasting to 3rd-level to catch--

MATT: Gotcha.

AABRIA: -- second target.

MATT: You got it, all right. So, con save, right?

AABRIA: Yep.

MATT: All right, so the one that's currently held up in the air by Imogen's telekinesis is a failure with a 12.

AABRIA: Woo.

MATT: The one that's partially damaged by the Shatter on that side is also going to fail at another 11.

ASHLEY: Woo.

TRAVIS: Let's go.

AABRIA: We're good, be-- Just, hey, I know it's dark. It's okay, just sh-sh-sh, just chill out. Don't hurt yourselves flying and you can't see. Just sit down!

MATT: Both of them are like (buzzing), you can hear the buzz getting louder as they're now adapting to the loss of sight, one of their main senses and acquiring the information around them. They look agitated, but definitely directionless.

AABRIA: This may not have helped.

(laughter)

SAM: You kicked the hornets' nest.

AABRIA: Woo, that's my turn.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Those blinded animals, they always calm down.

MATT: Finishing--

AABRIA: I was hoping they were air guys, so they're like, "I can't see, maybe I'll just sit quiet and nothing bad will happen."

MATT: All right. End of the turn, it comes to the pymon firebugs' turn. The ones that are still contained by your telekinesis cannot do anything, they're still restrained.

LAURA: Nice.

MATT: They have no ranged abilities. They're currently being held aloft of the snare beneath you. The ones over here that are partially diminished are going to angrily swarm into the one nearest to them. They're going to make perception check to see if they can even figure out where anything is. They're just hearing noises going from that direction. That's actually... not great!

(laughter)

MATT: I'm going to use this, I'm going to use my old school Warhammer scatter dice to see where they go. Yeah, they full-on (buzzing)--

TRAVIS: (yells)

MATT: -- this direction and they swarm you, FRIDA.

TRAVIS: Fuck you, Warhammer!

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Oh wow. Okay, here we go.

MATT: Just, (buzzing) that way and they just, (buzzing) begin to swarm around you.

SAM: Whoa.

LAURA: Dude, I don't have my glasses on, so those look like little pizzas to me. I could not tell what they were.

MATT: Yeah, they're a little like coin bugs. I have only so many swarm creatures. All the rest of the ones I have are all like rats and shit. So just deal with them, use your imagination.

SAM: No.

AABRIA: No.

LAURA: No, they're pizzas.

MATT: That's going to be, oh, a 20 to hit you.

AABRIA: They have disadvantage on their attacks because they are blinded.

MATT: That's true, they do. Which would bring that to instead a 13.

CHRISTIAN: That does not hit.

MATT: They swarm around you loosely, but they seem be focused more on one of the nearby sconces in the wall and they're like (buzzing) and trying to burn the metal. The metal is heating around it, but you're not immediately in the sight of their anger.

CHRISTIAN: Excellent.

TRAVIS: ♪ In the sight ♪

SAM: ♪ Of their ang-ah ♪

LAURA: None of us have cold powers, do we, other than Chet?

ASHLEY: I have cold.

LAURA: You do?

MATT: From down the stairs. (buzzing)

AABRIA: Why is that my new jam?

TRAVIS: I know.

ASHLEY: Well.

SAM: Wait, there's another one?!

MATT: A third swarm comes down from the stairs from the upper floors--

TRAVIS: Bitch!

MATT: -- and immediately rushes over towards you, FCG, as the closest one to it.

AABRIA: But I cast Raid at 9th-level.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Raid!

MATT: On your turn. It's a 19 to hit you.

SAM: That hits!

MATT: All right. As the swarm scuttles around you, biting as much as they can, that brings us to 13 points of piercing damage--

SAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: -- and six points of fire damage to you.

SAM: Ouch!

MATT: As you are now like completely consumed in this small whirlwind of angry, brightly lit firebugs.

SAM: I don't blame you, it's your nature!

MATT: It is your turn, FCG, with Imogen on deck.

TRAVIS: Amazing. Amazing.

MATT: It's your turn.

SAM: Oh, it's my turn!

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: All right, I'm going to do the same thing I did last turn. I'm going to rotate around them a little bit and then cast Compulsion on this group now.

MATT: Okay, so you're going to whirl out of it?

SAM: I'm going to rotate around because they need to move horizontally from me and I want them to move towards the snare thing.

MATT: Got you. So right in that corner?

SAM: I guess. Horizontal means they have to move this way from me, right?

MATT: Well, vertically is up and down, horizontally is away from you straight.

SAM: Oh, I thought it meant if I'm facing this way, they have to move that way.

LAURA: Oh, wow.

SAM: I don't know how shit works. So it just--

MATT: No. Meaning, they just go away from you.

SAM: Oh, okay. Okay, well then yes, I'll move to the other side.

(laughter)

MATT: Okay.

SAM: That would be perpendicular.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Anyway, I'm going to try to force them to move that way.

MATT: Just let them go. Okay. You were casting which one?

AABRIA: Child actor.

(laughter)

SAM: Compulsion. Wisdom 15.

MATT: Careful, that's half the cast.

(laughter)

AABRIA: I said what in the fuck I said.

(laughter)

MATT: Fair enough. All right, so Command you say? Compulsion again.

SAM: Compulsion.

MATT: Compulsion again, sorry. My brain.

SAM: Wisdom 15.

CHRISTIAN: Give me those 30-minute sessions.

MATT: That is going to be a two.

SAM: Eyy!

LAURA: Yay.

AABRIA: Woo!

SAM: I will compulsh them, that's the word, right?

MATT: Yeah, they move full movement?

SAM: They'll move full movement away from me, through that door. I'm trying to get them over to that snare. It does say, let's see here. What's it say? (mumbling spell description) I think it can use its action before it moves. Just going to say that. It can take its action before it moves.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

AABRIA: Okay.

SAM: All right.

ASHLEY: Well, it did.

AABRIA: But didn't it already use its action?

SAM: It did, but I don't know how this--

TRAVIS: Yeah, it got held by the Telekinesis.

SAM: It says it must use as much of its movement as possible to move on the next turn.

MATT: I see, so it doesn't move yet.

AABRIA: Ah.

MATT: You cast it on it now and then it is currently-- On its next turn, it will need to do that.

SAM: But it can hurt me again first.

MATT: Right. I'm going to set that as the Compulsion marker there. It can do its other action if it wishes to on its turn, but then it has to move away from you.

SAM: Yes.

MATT: That's what it does. Got it, cool.

SAM: Then bonus action. I can give five temporary hit points to FRIDA.

MATT: There you go.

CHRISTIAN: Thank you.

MATT: FRIDA, take your five temporary hit points.

AABRIA: What does it look like?

SAM: What does it look like?

AABRIA: Yeah.

SAM: It looks like FCG's hand coming and just sitting on his shoulder.

AABRIA: That's so fucking creepy.

(laughter)

MATT: He just kind of like--

CHRISTIAN: It feels good.

AABRIA: Yeah.

(laughter)

MATT: Exactly.

AABRIA: (sobbing)

MATT: (laughs)

MATT: Perfect. Does that finish your turn?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: All right, finishing FCG's go, Imogen, you're up, with FRIDA on deck.

LAURA: (grunts)

MATT: Slam it down. It does not need to even make a resistance check at this point since you've already taken control of it and it's restrained. You slam it down into this net as you're concentrating on it and as it does, the magic of the snare that you've set wraps around it and it is currently held for an eight-hour period of time within the snare that you've created.

AABRIA: Let's go!

LAURA: Nice.

TRAVIS: Yo!

LAURA: Nice.

CHRISTIAN: Fearne Calloway.

ASHLEY: I forgot about that part.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: For now, this red mark means that it is ensnared on the ground right here.

LAURA: Great.

SAM: Can anything break that? If you lose your concentration or something, does it--

MATT: It can continue to attempt to break free.

ASHLEY: It can think.

SAM and LAURA: Oh.

SAM: Well, good god.

CHRISTIAN: For eight hours.

ASHLEY: But, but--

LAURA: Would it have done any kind--

ASHLEY: It's a dexterity saving throw of 18.

LAURA: If I slammed it down hard enough, would it have done any bludgeoning damage to it at the same time? Kind of like a fly swatter sort of situation?

MATT: Up 10 feet, you could do d6, if you want to.

ASHLEY: Get it.

AABRIA: Shake them up.

LAURA: Four.

CHRISTIAN: Nice.

MATT: Four points of bludgeoning damage to it which is reduced--

AABRIA: Ring their little bells.

MATT: -- to a two, as a swarm is resistant to piercing, bludgeoning and slashing.

LAURA: Oh, good to know.

MATT: However, as it strikes, it's going to, as a reaction, do Embolden, which is when it takes damage, it does a burst of flame to everything around it.

LAURA: Yeah, that makes sense. Of course it makes sense.

MATT: So, Fearne.

ASHLEY: It's okay, it's okay.

MATT: Within 10 feet of you. That is going to be six points of fire damage to you.

ASHLEY: That's fine. I'm doing great.

MATT: As it slams into it, flames emerge around it as it angrily takes the hit. Then the snare wraps around it.

LAURA: Oh sorry, Fearne.

ASHLEY: It's fine. It's fine.

MATT: All right. Do you want to stay put or move?

ASHLEY: I have a flaming monkey, so.

MATT: What do you want do?

ASHLEY: I'm used to it.

LAURA: I'm going to turn around. There's another swarm right there?

MATT: There's two of them in the other room over here.

LAURA: Oh gosh. Okay. Oh, okay. I'm going to use my bonus action--

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: -- to move-- Can I move-- No, I can't move FCG five feet away from it because there's not really a place to move him, but I'm going to try to move the swarm five feet away from FCG so it can't attack him before it's Compulsed.

MATT: Which direction?

SAM: Thank you.

MATT: Which direction are you sending it?

LAURA: Just that way.

AABRIA: Horizontal.

LAURA: Five feet that way, horizontally.

MATT: It is now up onto the table and circling that space over there.

SAM: I don't get an attack of opportunity.

MATT: No, it's forced movement, unfortunately. All right, does that finish your turn? Do you want to move?

LAURA: I'm going to move back into this corner so it can't attack me on the way, I don't know how that works.

MATT: You got it. So move over there. You're still concentrating on Telekinesis, because you still have that spell up.

LAURA: Oh, but they're ensnared?

MATT: Yeah. That currently, you don't have to worry about them, but you can use your action next turn if you want to to try and--

LAURA: To shift it?

MATT: To shift that or focus on something else.

LAURA: Great!

MATT: Because Telekinesis is you can maintain concentration for a period of time.

LAURA: Awesome.

SAM: Nice.

AABRIA: (laughs)

SAM: Nice.

ASHLEY: Noice.

SAM: You can't do multiple snares, I assume, right?

MATT: Up to 10 minutes!

TRAVIS: That's awesome.

ASHLEY: I could.

MATT: Yeah. It's a good spell.

SAM: Was it concentration, though?

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: All righty, finishing Imogen's go, FRIDA, you're up, with Chetney on deck.

CHRISTIAN: I will, if I can with my movement, I will put myself between FCG and the swarm that's on top of that table.

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Do I have enough movement to get there?

MATT: You do, and the swarm does get an attack of opportunity on you as you-- Oh, between FCG and the swarm?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah, I'd like to circle around and yeah. Put myself--

MATT: You can definitely do that. The swarm that had struck out is going to try and strike you, but it is blinded, which natural 19, but has disadvantage because of blindness.

AABRIA: Ah!

MATT: Which is a natural two.

SAM: Eyy!

MATT: It completely misses you. It's attacking the walls, it's going after this tattered tapestry that's now up in flames. You can see things are starting to catch fire. As you dart by and get in between this current swarm and FCG.

CHRISTIAN: Sure, Fresh Cut Grass, are we sure we don't want to kill these things?

SAM: Go ahead, be my guest.

CHRISTIAN: Okay. My eyes will flare up and I will cast Guiding Bolt.

AABRIA: Okay, well--

MATT: Go for it.

ASHLEY: We already have some alive.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: It is a ranged attack in melee with it, so you will have disadvantage on the strike.

CHRISTIAN: I have Sharpshooter, right?

MATT: Then you don't have to fucking worry about a goddamn thing.

AABRIA: Ooh!

CHRISTIAN: Well, I don't know. Three plus 12 is 15.

SAM: You can add your plus six if you want to.

CHRISTIAN: Plus my d6 from my friend, Fresh Cut Grass.

LAURA: Yes, yes, yes!

CHRISTIAN: Is a six, that hits.

ASHLEY: Yes! That's right, it is.

MATT: Actually--

CHRISTIAN: Oh. Oh oh oh?

MATT: Sorry, Sharpshooter--

SAM: Does half cover stuff.

MATT: It's half cover. There's another one that gives you the, I think it's--

CHRISTIAN: Adept Marksman, which I also have.

MATT: Oh, what does that one do?

CHRISTIAN: Let's see.

TRAVIS: Ukulele.

CHRISTIAN: (laughing) Ukulele. No, Adept Marksman gives me the trick shots. Okay, I think you're right.

MATT: If you want to, you could fire before you moved in between and not have to worry about that. Crossbow Expert, I think, is the one that does the-- The one where you can attack in melee without having to do disadvantage.

CHRISTIAN: I have Crossbow Expert.

MATT: Oh, then you're fine. Never mind. I said nothing.

CHRISTIAN: Well, I'm learning, too.

MATT: Fighters and their cluster of feats.

AABRIA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: So that hits, because it was three plus 12, 15 plus six. 21, right?

MATT: Definitely hits, yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Okay, so that hits. That's 2d8 plus six.

MATT: This is the one that got shattered earlier. Good to know.

SAM: ♪ Ba da boom boom ♪

LAURA: (laughs)

CHRISTIAN: 13 points of damage.

LAURA: (laughs) The dice rolling.

MATT: 13 points of damage.

CHRISTIAN: Wah!

MATT: As you rush over and your arm opens, the gun's right there.

CHRISTIAN: Guiding Bolt.

MATT: What's that?

CHRISTIAN: Guiding Bolt.

MATT: Oh sorry, Guiding Bolt.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, so it's not 2d8. I'm sorry, it's 4d6.

MATT: Indeed.

AABRIA: Let's go.

MATT: You're right.

CHRISTIAN: That's my bad, my bad.

MATT: No, it's okay. I read the damage roll and was like, right.

CHRISTIAN: My bad. Five, eight, 10, 14. 14 points of damage.

SAM and ASHLEY: Nice.

AABRIA: Plus 10 if you used Sharpshooter.

SAM: He didn't use Sharpshooter.

CHRISTIAN: Plus 10, 24. Is that true?

AABRIA: Did you use Sharpshooter? Isn't it minus five to your attack?

CHRISTIAN: No, I used the other one. Well, we just went through. Right, yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: Oh, gotcha. Never mind.

MATT: It's all good.

AABRIA: I said nothing.

MATT: You call Sharpshooter before the attack rolls, so you know what's going on. No worries.

CHRISTIAN: Crossbow Expert.

MATT: It's still enough to destroy the swarm.

CHRISTIAN: Excellent.

MATT: As the Guiding Bolt splashes into it, the energy causes it to brighten extremely brightly. You're not sure if the extreme flash is from the actual firebugs or the spell, but once the flash subsides, the swarm is dust scattered across the table before it's gone.

CHRISTIAN: Are you okay, Fresh Cut Grass?

SAM: Oh, I'm fine. Thank you so much for worrying.

CHRISTIAN: Well, thank you for the extra hit points.

SAM: Well no, thank you for being such a Johnny-on-the-spot.

CHRISTIAN: Well, thank you for being so complimentary.

SAM: Oh, you're welcome.

AABRIA: Wow.

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Ah, more!

MATT: Chetney, you're up.

TRAVIS: Can I peel through this door near the top here and make my ♪ way into the ♪

LAURA and AABRIA: ♪ Making your way ♪

TRAVIS: -- third room, yep. What kind of room am I finding myself in?

MATT: You're finding a bunch of fallen furniture and this is a further back display and sales area of the shop. What you know used to be the workroom for this shop has now been converted into an extension of the shopping and sales area.

TRAVIS: Son of a-- Sacrilege. Can I keep using my 35 feet to move further towards that back room in the corner and can I get to the bottom of the stairs?

MATT: Indeed you can.

TRAVIS: Can I see into that room?

MATT: You can. That is now a small storage room off to the side. Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: That is a 13.

MATT: A 13. Not great. You don't have a light source with you, right?

TRAVIS: But I have darkvision.

MATT: Oh yeah, you're fine. Looking inside, you don't make out a lot of detail, but this looks to be just a cluster of storage. You can see there's boxes and crates and shelves, and it is where everything is held if it's not on the actual showroom floor.

TRAVIS: With that cracked door, can I see that teal chest in the corner? Does it look to be wood or metal?

MATT: It looks to be both wood and metal.

SAM: An unholy alliance of materials.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Can I use my action to go up the stairs?

MATT: Yes, you may.

TRAVIS: Going upstairs.

MATT: Yes, you can.

TRAVIS: Just to make sure there aren't more of these fucking swarms upstairs.

ASHLEY: Ooh! We get another map!

SAM: Oh, there's a second floor?! This second floor is brought to you by WizKids Minis. Wizkids.io/crminis. Slash second floor.

LAURA: Ooh, that's cool.

SAM: Whoa, excuse you!

AABRIA: Oh, but there's a secret.

SAM: Oh, there's secrets.

CHRISTIAN: I'm suffering a real height disadvantage here.

LAURA: I feel like I'm playing The Sims right now.

MATT: Up to the second floor, and that step period there.

AABRIA: Put them all in the pool and take away the ladder.

MATT: You can see, there is another pair of swarms--

LAURA: Oh, a pair.

SAM: Jesus.

MATT: --- up in the air and as soon as you enter, they both notice your presence.

TRAVIS: Cool.

MATT: Pouring out of these small nests that are starting to be built in the corners of the room.

AABRIA: Oh no.

TRAVIS: Well. (laughs)

SAM: Well, shit.

TRAVIS: That's my action and my bonus action and my movement. So, you know, that's my bonus action, too, right?

MATT: Well, it was your movement and your action.

TRAVIS: With my ♪ bonus action ♪ I'm going to turn into a werewolf.

AABRIA: What?

SAM: Werewolves are notoriously--

TRAVIS: Because I'm about to get "My Girl"-ed.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Oh no!

AABRIA: Yeah, like a dog trying to--

LAURA: Don't say that!

AABRIA: -- bite at a bee.

(laughter)

LAURA: Where are his glasses?

TRAVIS: Where are his glasses?

LAURA: He can't see without his glasses.

MATT: You tear out of your small gnomish form into your wolven.

TRAVIS: It's actually quite polite, I zipper my sternum-- (groaning)

(laughter)

TRAVIS: -- and I pull my tit lapels open and I shake off my Chetney suit.

LAURA: That's so gross.

TRAVIS: Then pompadour my wolf there with the split scalp.

MATT: Are you saying you "Cocoon" this?

TRAVIS: I do.

ASHLEY: Yes!

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: That's worse than the tongue.

MATT: Speaking of Brimley.

TRAVIS: Good call, oh man.

MATT: Two Brimley references in one episode. I'm happy with that.

(laughter)

MATT: Perfect, awesome. Does that finish your turn?

TRAVIS: It does.

MATT: Fearne, you're up, with Deanna on deck.

ASHLEY: All right. I think we got them all.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Sure.

ASHLEY: Right? Is there any more?

SAM: Sure.

TRAVIS: Upstairs you hear (growling). (deeply) Oh fuck.

MATT: You do hear a heavy buzzing right behind you up in this corner.

AABRIA: There's some right here, actually.

ASHLEY: J/K, I totally hear them. All right. Should I do another Snare?

SAM: I mean, we got two other batches over here and I don't know what else to put them in. You could also just look for a box or something, but I don't know.

ASHLEY: I'll throw out another Snare. I'll throw out a Snare on the floor in that room.

SAM: We've become the Ghostbusters.

AABRIA: Aw

LAURA: Aw.

MATT: Okay, where are you putting the Snare? It's touch, so it has to be a place that you get to.

ASHLEY: All right, so I'll turn around and since I see them up in that corner, I'll just-- Same thing. Put it up.

MATT: You move into here?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: All right, and you place the Snare beneath them?

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: All right, so there is a snare currently on the ground.

ASHLEY: Since they're on the gr-- Are they on the ground?

MATT: They're up in the air swirling in the space, you're like-- (grunts).

ASHLEY: I was going to make this one look like-- You know when you have an outdoor picnic and you have those netting things that you put on top of your plate?

SAM: Oh!

MATT: Okay, okay.

ASHLEY: I'll do that.

MATT: Okay, so you set it down, it's almost ready to be sprung and reverse its way upward.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Okay, you got it. So you magically release this, the vines whither out and make this weird netting-based trap beneath it as it's drifting with fey energy and ready to be--

ASHLEY: Gingham checkered.

AABRIA: Ooh!

MATT: You got it.

AABRIA: Oh, it's so cute!

MATT: All right, that's situated there. Deanna, you're up.

AABRIA: Those are the ones that attacked FRIDA several times, right? Or tried to?

CHRISTIAN: Tried to.

MATT: Yes.

AABRIA: I don't like those ones is the problem.

ASHLEY: Kill them, babe.

AABRIA: Thanks. I'm going to reach out and Inflict Wounds.

MATT: Ooh, you're going to walk and Inflict Wounds?

AABRIA: Yeah.

SAM: Just stick your arm right into the--

LAURA: Into the swarm?

ASHLEY: I make sure to give a little space.

TRAVIS: That's dope.

AABRIA: One sec.

MATT: They are blind, so you have advantage on the roll.

AABRIA: Yay!

SAM: Nice.

AABRIA: Natural 20.

ASHLEY: Let's do it!

AABRIA: Let's go.

ASHLEY: There it is.

AABRIA: All right.

CHRISTIAN: Boom, baby.

LAURA: I wanted a natural 20 on Inflict Wounds for an entire campaign.

(laughter)

AABRIA: 32.

LAURA: It's fine.

AABRIA: 32 points of necrotic damage.

SAM: Dang.

MATT: 32 points of necrotic damage. As you reach out your hand, you recall how they swarmed around your collar earlier. You take a bit of that syrup and hold it outward, and as you do, as blind as they are, they all gather onto your hand. There's a slight layer of divine necrotic energy that protects them from actually stinging and biting your hand. As they all gather in, you release the pulse and you watch as the swarm suddenly expands for a second and a majority of them gray and fitter away into the dust. There's maybe about two dozen left that are just encircling where your hand was.

TRAVIS: The sugar is a lie.

MATT: They're looking real rough.

AABRIA: Then just leaning in, in that same Small Beast Speech. Not them, we don't attack them. Then keep walking.

MATT: Okay. So you go 10 more feet here. Five, 10, you get around the table.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Guys, I've never moved so fast in my life!

(laughter)

AABRIA: Woo! Mama's hauling.

MATT: Perfect.

AABRIA: That's it.

MATT: You got it, all right. Now, it comes to the pymon bugs. Going to try and break free the snare that you set there earlier. With a natural one, they're not going to be free of that one at all. The ones over there are situated. The ones that are above the snare on that side, angrily, though heavily diminished, are going to attempt to swarm you.

AABRIA: Yeah, sure.

MATT: So they move away from the snare.

AABRIA: No, I'm dead.

MATT: Oh god. Swarm up where you are on the table. There we go. That's going to be an attack on you with disadvantage because they're still blind. Actually, to that point--

AABRIA: I was going to say they can make con saves to try to shake off the blindness.

MATT: At the end of their turn, though.

AABRIA: Yeah, okay.

MATT: Actually, they would've made it last turn.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: Which they fail, so no worries. But this one I'm going to say, which direction to go? Oh, no, it's going after you, Fearne.

ASHLEY: All right.

MATT: The line is pointing this direction, and so they actually swarm to you as the nearest thing that it knows to attack.

AABRIA: But did they pass me?

MATT: They don't leave your attack range.

AABRIA: Okay.

SAM: This isn't the set that I've compulsed, right?

MATT: No, they were killed by FRIDA.

ASHLEY: Wait, do I get an attack of opportunity since they left to go to Deanna?

MATT: They did not go to Deanna, they went to you instead. I just rolled to see which direction, because they're blind and I'm rolling to see which direction they go. So they go after you, however, that is a 13 total to hit you.

ASHLEY: It doesn't.

MATT: They're just (buzzes) the space above you.

AABRIA: I said sit!

MATT: Up here, though.

AABRIA: Oh no.

SAM: Oh snapkins.

MATT: (buzzes)

LAURA: Uh-oh.

AABRIA: It's fine, there's no one up there.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: He's just going to eat them.

MATT: You are--

TRAVIS: Sweet like sugar.

(laughter)

MATT: As you are swarmed by two masses of pymon firebugs. That's going to be--

TRAVIS: It's like strawberry.

(laughter)

MATT: 19 and a 25.

TRAVIS: Oh, 19 hits.

MATT: They rolled real well. So they both hit you.

LAURA: ♪ Watermelon sugar ♪

MATT: That's going to be-- All righty. 13 points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: Reduced to six.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: Plus four points of fire damage.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: The other one is going to be-- Okay. 14 points of piercing damage reduced to seven and seven points of fire damage. So, 14 total on that one.

SAM and LAURA: Ah!

MATT: I fucking lost my dice there. Ah, I'll pick it up later.

TRAVIS: Ain't playing.

MATT: Oh, there it is! All righty.

CHRISTIAN: I still got wounds to heal.

AABRIA: Did anybody give Chet his flea and tick pill?

(laughter)

MATT: That's going to finish their go. FCG, you're up, with Imogen on deck.

SAM: Is that swarm over there hovering just above the snare?

MATT: It is, yeah.

SAM: Okay. I will bonus action Spiritual Weapon if you will allow it, not to cause any damage, but the Spiritual Weapon will look like a fly swatter and will try to push down. I don't know if you allow Spiritual Weapons to do that.

AABRIA: Yeah. A fly pusher.

MATT: I will allow a Spiritual Weapon to not do damage. That'd be your choice. Yes. So it appears in that space.

SAM: And swat.

MATT: Go ahead and roll an attack for it.

SAM: Terrible!

AABRIA: Oh no!

SAM: 13.

MATT: 13. That misses, unfortunately.

AABRIA: Oh no! Whiffs. No impact. The swatter is present, but can't seem to find any of the bugs because they're so thin now. The swarm is so heavily damaged, it's just whiffing through it.

SAM: That's my bonus action.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: I will use my movement, hearing the growls from upstairs, I will use my movement to go to the stairs.

MATT: 30. Right?

SAM: Then, I will--

MATT: You are properly up the stairs.

SAM: -- dash up to Chet-a-ney.

MATT: You emerge at the top and see Chetney swarmed by this massive amount of firebugs.

TRAVIS: I found more!

(laughter)

SAM: What happens to my Spiritual Weapon if it's more than 20 feet away from me? Does it go away?

LAURA: You can just move it with you.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: It just pulls along with me?

LAURA: But I think it's a bonus action.

MATT: It's a bonus action to move it. You can remember to be like, "Come join me!" It can move 20 feet, I think it is.

SAM: Okay. Okay.

LAURA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: You have to ask politely, though. Come join me, please.

SAM: Sure, sure.

LAURA: Please.

CHRISTIAN: Please.

LAURA: Please, fly swatter.

MATT: Please, sir. Follow me. All right. Does that finish your turn?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right. Imogen you're up, with FRIDA on deck.

SAM: Oh, wait!

MATT: All right.

MATT: Oh, oh! Ah, ah. Eh? That's your movement? That's your movement, your action, and your bonus.

SAM: Did you roll a natural 20 on the last turn?

AABRIA: I did!

SAM: Technically, I have advantage on my attack roll, then.

MATT: That's true! Because you do have that ability!

AABRIA: Oh, that's right! Yeah!

SAM: I'll put these here to remind myself. So just in case.

MATT: Just in case.

AABRIA: Come on.

SAM: It's a natural 20.

(cheering)

ASHLEY: Oh my god!

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: So swat!

TRAVIS: When you remember your shit!

MATT: Indeed, roll your damage.

TRAVIS: That's great!

SAM: No damage. I just want it to push down.

MATT: Oh, that's right! No, no, that's right. No damage on this. So yeah, with a natural 20, definitely--

AABRIA: Incredible!

MATT: Crack! The swatter whips around and then does a huge sweeping (scoop), gather them all up into it, it kinda swirls through it, and then whack!

TRAVIS: (laughs) Bee lady.

MATT: It slaps it down. Immediately, your set up snare of the weird gossamer net goes (whooshes) and wraps around them and then (whooshes) hangs from the ceiling. It's like a reverse mosquito net that's now hanging. They're all, (swarm buzzing) all 14 of them, at this point.

AABRIA: Sorry.

MATT: But they are currently now ensnared within there.

SAM: Wow! We're the Ghostbusters!

CHRISTIAN: Beautiful!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Hey, hey, hey! Nice shooting, Tex!

(laughter)

MATT: Awesome. All right, finishing FCG's go, Imogen, you're up, with FRIDA on deck.

TRAVIS: The flowers are still standing.

LAURA: All right. Well, since all the ones are taken care of on this level, I'm going to start walking towards the stairs. But as I do it, I'm going to walk through the room and say: Hey, Deanna, you want to move a little faster?

AABRIA: I would love to!

LAURA: I'm going to telekinetically pick her up--

AABRIA: Oh, thanks!

LAURA: -- and bring her 30 more feet towards the stairs.

MATT: Indeed! All right.

AABRIA: Y'all are so cool!

MATT: That's 30 feet there.

LAURA: Uh-huh.

AABRIA: (gasps)

LAURA: Can I get her on the stairs?

SAM: By your hair.

AABRIA: Yeah!

MATT: With telekinesis, yeah, you can get her right up there. Oh god!

SAM: Ow, ow, ow!

AABRIA: This is the fastest Deanna's ever moved. Her cheeks are flapping in the wind.

ASHLEY: (warbling)

MATT: Mm-hmm. Yeah, she's like, (zooming) and scoot her up on top of the steps and you're like, "Whoa!"

AABRIA: Thanks for the scoots!

LAURA: You're welcome. Then I'm going to use my bonus action to gain some sorcery-- to gain a spell back.

MATT: You got it! Go for it! All righty. Finishing your go, FRIDA, you're up, with Chetney on deck.

CHRISTIAN: I will call across the room to Miss Calloway. I'll say: Miss Calloway, that is very impressive magic! I will--

ASHLEY: Oh, thanks!

CHRISTIAN: You're very welcome! Bonus action, dash up the stairs.

MATT: All righty. 30 feet, right?

CHRISTIAN: Can I grab my friend Deanna?

MATT: Yeah.

AABRIA: Ooh!

CHRISTIAN: And make my way--

SAM, LAURA, TRAVIS, and MATT: ♪ Makin' my way ♪

CHRISTIAN: ♪ Makin' my way ♪ With the rest of the movement into the upstairs?

MATT: Your movement is 30?

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

MATT: That's as far as you can get on just 30 feet.

CHRISTIAN: Right, but bonus action and then--

MATT: And then actual movement?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

MATT: All right. So picking her up. Yeah. I'll say it reduces it. She's pretty light, so I put it like a five feet reduction.

AABRIA: Thank you!

(laughter)

MATT: So yeah, you get up right at the top of the steps and realize there's not much more you could go because there's FCG to your immediate left.

SAM: Oh, hi!

MATT: There's a massive double swarm encased werewolf that is glowing and flaming up the top of this staircase. You're like, "Oh shit!" There's not really anywhere to get around.

CHRISTIAN: (shouts)

AABRIA: Is that Chetty?

CHRISTIAN: Guiding Bolt.

TRAVIS: (deeply) I need some Benadryl.

(laughter)

MATT: All right. Guiding Bolt to one of the swarms?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah. I'm going to center. Yeah.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: Sure. Yeah, yeah. All right. Roll high!

(laughter)

AABRIA: Antihistamines is an 8th-level spell. Let's go!

CHRISTIAN: Yeah! Well, I don't know. 11 plus 12.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: That'll definitely hit. Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Okay, cool. That's--

MATT: We'll say the one on the north side there.

CHRISTIAN: -- 4d6. That's wrong. It's not plus 12. 11 plus seven because it's Guiding Bolt.

MATT: All right. 18.

CHRISTIAN: 18.

TRAVIS: 18, correct.

MATT: Yeah, that still hits.

CHRISTIAN: Okay.

SAM: Hey!

AABRIA: Whoop whoop!

TRAVIS: Had a 12 in my brain.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah. I need another d6! Three.

AABRIA: Yes!

CHRISTIAN: Four, five, eight points of damage.

ASHLEY: Are those Pogs?

MATT: Eight points of damage. All right. The next attack against that one has advantage.

TRAVIS: What the?

ASHLEY: Yeah, can I have a Pog?

AABRIA: Those are fun.

MATT: That one there has advantage on it. It is glowing. One section of the swarm is now brightly glowing from the Guiding Bolt and the next person to strike at it has advantage.

SAM: The next person?

TRAVIS: Oh, the north one?

MATT: Yep. Over there. Just (explosion) blast it. It takes a little bit of damage. It's still holding together, but the swarm is definitely angered and is still focused on the werewolf for the time being.

CHRISTIAN: Can I use whatever little movement I have to place Deanna there?

MATT: There's nowhere to place her. You're right at top--

CHRISTIAN: There's nowhere to place. Can I put her on my--

MATT: -- of the steps. Yeah, I'll say you can put her on your shoulders.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah.

AABRIA: Hanging!

MATT: Cool! Got it! All right, finishing that go, that brings us to Chetney's turn.

TRAVIS: (deeply) Oh fuck! (shouts) Can I get a swing through? So I stay in melee of both of them, but I'm on the other side of the--

MATT: Yeah, you can do that.

TRAVIS: -- I'll take two swipes with my claws at the one that FRIDA just tagged.

MATT: You got it! First strike has advantage.

TRAVIS: Advantage. That's 24 to hit.

MATT: That definitely hits!

TRAVIS: The second one, it's just that first strike that has advantage, right?

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: Okay. Second one is an 18 to hit.

MATT: 18 still hits.

TRAVIS: 18!

SAM: Santa Claus!

TRAVIS: Well, that's balls!

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Four, six, 10. 17 points of slashing damage.

MATT: You got it. Slash damage.

TRAVIS: Can I use my bonus strike for a third strike with the claws?

MATT: Sure!

TRAVIS: That's 21 to hit.

CHRISTIAN: Hell yeah!

MATT: Yep, that hits.

TRAVIS: Great. There's no Crimson Rite on my claws because I'm lazy like that. That's nine points of slashing damage.

MATT: All right. So as you're slashing through, slashing through it's cutting through and killing them, but it's like attacking a waterfall. You're still hitting and they're still splashing, but it keeps pouring, the swarm's still around you. It's not as effective.

TRAVIS: Got it. (hums)

MATT: But they are starting to look pretty rough. You've definitely taken some of the numbers out between your strike and yours.

LAURA: What do you want to do?

TRAVIS: I'm going to run. I'm going to take two--

SAM: What?

TRAVIS: No, I'll stay. It's fine.

AABRIA: No! Run, dude!

SAM: Do it!

TRAVIS: Yeah. Yeah. Hurt me!

TRAVIS and CHRISTIAN: (laugh)

TRAVIS: No, I'm going to run back here because I see a chest over there, but I see a partially open door and that could be the source of these things. There could be more.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Need to know. Yeah, so I'm going to come that way and take both attacks of opportunity.

MATT: Okay. So both of them swing at you.

AABRIA: You're going to miss.

MATT: That's a 14.

TRAVIS: Oh, that one does miss!

MATT: And a 17.

TRAVIS: That one misses!

CHRISTIAN: Yes!

TRAVIS: In my werewolf form.

SAM: Look at that!

MATT: You (whooshes) duck below and they both try and strike at you, but you're too quick and you dart by to the door.

TRAVIS: Yes!

MATT: You go to the door and you can see, it looks like it's been partially pushed open, but there is a barricade on it or some sort of lock on it. You're not sure. You don't see a barricade, but it looks like it's locked.

TRAVIS: Oh, like it's been pushed out towards me, but there's something on the--

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: -- inside keeping me. Okay.

LAURA: He's bringing it into the fold before everything else is taken care of.

TRAVIS: Cool! That's the end of my turn.

MATT: Okay, got it. Finishing Chetney's go, Fearne, you're up, with Deanna on deck.

ASHLEY: All right. Well, we took care of it?

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: All right.

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: (growls)

LAURA: I think there's stuff upstairs.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Yeah, maybe he found stuff. Should we look around down here?

LAURA: I mean--

SAM: There's a thrash metal band--

ASHLEY: Well, we have time. I'll start heading towards upstairs. I'll use my full turn to get as far as I can.

MATT: At 30, it'll get you about there at the base of the stairs.

ASHLEY: Okay. All right.

MATT: You still have your action. If you're not going to do anything else, you can use your action to dash if you want to.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: But you look up the stairs and you can see it's pretty clumped right now.

ASHLEY: Ugh! All right. Let me look around and see if--

SAM: (coos) There's a nice--

MATT: (sneezes)

ASHLEY: Bless you!

AABRIA: Bless you!

MATT: (sneezes)

ALL: Bless you!

SAM: There's a chest in there.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I look around and see? Can I look in a chest or search for something?

MATT: I mean, yeah, there's stuff all around you. This is the toy store.

ASHLEY: I'm not going to go upstairs. There's so much down here.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: I'm going to look into that. Is there a little chest over here?

LAURA: This little room right here?

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to start rummaging.

MATT: Okay. I mean, you can use-- Yeah. Where you are at the table, this is your full movement here. You still have an action. You can dash in here if you want to or dash partially upstairs.

ASHLEY: I'll start in the room that I'm in and start looking for stuff.

MATT: Start grabbing, pocketing shit.

ASHLEY: Yeah, pocketing, looking for papers, looking at everything.

MATT: Yeah, there's no papers, but there's plenty of trinkets and weird little knickknacks.

ASHLEY: Great!

MATT: Collectibles.

ASHLEY: Going to town!

MATT: Little gear-based figures and--

ASHLEY: Ooh!

MATT: You got it. All right, so you start grabbing things, pulling around. You got it.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: Finishes your turn. All right, Deanna, you're up.

AABRIA: Cool, cool, cool!

ASHLEY: (laughs)

AABRIA: Criminitly. So there's still two swarms there. I cannot see.

MATT: Correct.

AABRIA: What if I stood up? Oh, interesting!

MATT: There's no longer--

SAM: Oh, hello!

AABRIA: Cool! Hi!

MATT: Damage there.

SAM: Boop, boop!

AABRIA: Shit. What am I going to do? This is such a little room. I can't do the thing I want to do. Just work on that. I can't curve it. Yeah, I guess I'll reach forward. Let's go, since we're in melee, I'll just reach out and cast another 2nd-level Inflict Wounds on the swarm right in front of me.

MATT: All right, there's the two here. There's this one is looking pretty, well, it's taken some hits. This one is untouched.

AABRIA: Let's hit the untouched one. Can I see the nest, the nest that they came out of in the room, too?

MATT: You can make a perception check, if you want to.

AABRIA: Sure. Let's.

TRAVIS: I didn't think to do that.

AABRIA: No, I didn't see it. I've never seen anything.

MATT: No. No idea.

AABRIA: I just attack the thing in front of me.

MATT: All right, go for it.

AABRIA: Three on the die.

MATT: The one that's damaged? No, the one that hasn't been hit yet. Go for it. Roll for that.

AABRIA: Yeah. Cool. All right.

TRAVIS: What a nightmare! (laughs)

AABRIA: That's a 17, though! It's okay.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MATT: That definitely hits.

AABRIA: Yeah. It's a 26.

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage. It's a 4d10, right?

AABRIA: 4d10.

MATT: Oof!

AABRIA: Jesus!

TRAVIS: 4d10?

AABRIA: Yeah, it's just a 2nd-level! It's okay. Okay.

TRAVIS: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

AABRIA: 20. 23 points.

MATT: 23 points of necrotic damage. Once again, you reach out, and as they cluster in around you, you (explosion) release that burst of necrotic energy. As they retract, you watch a bunch of them crumble into dust around there. I mean, more than half the swarm has been now scattered to the ground and bits of crumbled insect residue.

TRAVIS: What'd you cast?

AABRIA: Huh? Inflict Wounds.

TRAVIS: Damn!

AABRIA: Just some little shit. Can I try to intimidate them and be like: How many of you have to die before you all just sit the fuck down?

MATT: Because you can speak to animals, roll an intimidation check.

AABRIA: Thanks! Please, no more dices! Come on! Please? No!

ASHLEY: Oh!

TRAVIS: It was so close!

AABRIA: It was close to being anything good. Eight!

MATT: Eight?

LAURA: (groans)

MATT: The remaining stragglers in the two swarms (whooshes) brighten with fury in response.

AABRIA: Fine!

MATT: They definitely, you drew their attention.

AABRIA: Cool! Okay. Well, I didn't do a great job. I just get behind you. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! Just hide behind the coat. Excuse me! Sorry!

MATT: It is their turn.

SAM: Great.

MATT: The two downstairs, I'm going to roll for them to see if they're going to escape the snare. That is going to be a 14.

ASHLEY: Nope.

MATT: And a 10.

ASHLEY: No.

MATT: So yeah, they're not escaping it below. The two up here are both going to (buzzing) swarm in towards you, Deanna. So while you're on your back, they swarm in the space with both of you because they can do that--

CHRISTIAN: Are they attacking Deanna alone?

MATT: They are.

CHRISTIAN: I will impose disadvantage on that.

MATT: All right, because you can do that! Indeed! So disadvantage in each strike against you as they both swarm you.

AABRIA: I know to stay close--

MATT: Ooh! That would've been 23 and a natural one.

TRAVIS: Wow!

MATT: So one of them (buzzing) ends up scooting past you and getting lost in the middle of the stairway. The other one is going to be 14 and 11. So both of them (buzz) scooting around you, but you were swiping out them and managing to get your coat wrapped around and protecting the both of you in the middle of the stairway.

AABRIA: No, thank you, no, thank you. No, thank you, no, thank you!

MATT: Awesome!

SAM: Nice.

MATT: All right, finishing that go. Now it is FCG with Imogen on deck.

SAM: I'm going to-- it's not a weapon, so I don't know how it's going to work, but I'm going to take off my hand and hot swap it for my propeller.

AABRIA: I don't like the look of that.

LAURA: Oh yes! Yes.

TRAVIS: Oh shit! Yes!

SAM: But instead of blowing, I'm going to suck!

(laughter)

SAM: I'm going to suck them in and try to slice them up!

MATT: All right, make an attack roll.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Yeah! House fan this shit!

SAM: (whiring) Three!

(laughter)

ASHLEY: No!

LAURA: Can you add anything to it?

ASHLEY: Dang it!

SAM: Nope, it's not really a weapon.

(laughter)

SAM: (whiring)

MATT: Oh, that would've been so cool!

TRAVIS: It's that low setting on the house fan. It's like--

ASHLEY: Yeah!

MATT: So you create a (cracking) into your hand. You grin, knowing this is going to be fucking awesome. All the bugs, they're swirling around Deanna and FRIDA, all of a sudden one of them turns and looks at you. The swarm is focused, and you go (whirring stops abruptly)

SAM: (laughs)

CHRISTIAN: Oh no!

LAURA: Aw!

MATT: (clicking) It's jammed. It's not meant to go the other way.

(groaning)

SAM: No, I jammed it!

MATT: The propellor's like (cranks)

ASHLEY: Oh!

LAURA: Oh!

SAM and ASHLEY: Oh no!

ASHLEY: It's such a cool idea!

MATT: I know!

SAM: Terrible! My Spiritual Weapon's all the way downstairs. It'll never get here in time. So who's up after me? Imogen's not even on this floor! All right.

LAURA: I can get up there.

ASHLEY: Wait, can a Spiritual Weapon go through floors?

SAM: No, but I can recast it.

LAURA: Yes, it can! Why not? It's like spectral.

SAM: Oh boy! I don't know.

LAURA: It can probably just go straight up.

SAM: It can go 20 feet, but I don't know if it can go through things.

AABRIA: Is it spectral or is it physical? Because it's been cutting a lot of people.

MATT: It is spectral.

AABRIA: Ooh!

LAURA: It's spectral.

CHRISTIAN: There you go.

AABRIA: Let's go! A floating type of weapon.

SAM: Can it go through the floor?

MATT: Do you want to use bonus action to try it?

SAM: I will try to have it swat up through the the floor.

AABRIA: If I get fly swatted in the butt hole.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Just no escape that shit!

SAM: I'm going to kind of guess. I'm guessing where on the floor it is. I don't really know.

MATT: It's 15 feet. It goes (whooshes) straight up through the ceiling and it appears right here.

SAM: Oh!

AABRIA: Woo!

MATT: Five more feet of movement and you can move it in. (whooshes)

TRAVIS: What the fuck?

SAM: Swat!

ASHLEY: Yes!

SAM: Sa-wat! 11 plus seven!

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

(cheering)

SAM: 1d8. Is a four plus three is seven. Wait. Wait. We never really decided. Do I get to use my divine thing on this or no?

MATT: No, it's only against your actual--

SAM: Okay. So seven points.

AABRIA: Points.

TRAVIS: Seven points.

AABRIA: You get them points off of them bugs.

TRAVIS: Seven.

AABRIA: Ooh, he pulled the book out.

TRAVIS: This book reference is brought to you by fidget spinners.

(laughter)

AABRIA: I was like, "He pulled out a little fan!"

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: Oh yeah! It's my propeller blade!

AABRIA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Wait, wrong way.

MATT: Yeah, hit a creature with a weapon attack. Technically, this is a spell attack.

SAM: Even though it says "weapon" in the title!

MATT: Hey, man.

SAM: Hey! Yeah, I get you, man.

MATT: I ain't Jeremy Crawford.

SAM: I forgive you.

TRAVIS: "I ain't Jeremy Crawford."

MATT: All right, so seven points of--

SAM: Seven points of something damage.

MATT: All right. So it strikes through. The swatter smashes about half of the existing swarm left. There's maybe about 11 of these firebugs left. They're like (buzzes).

TRAVIS: Oh no!

MATT: They're looking pretty rough. All righty. Does that finish your turn?

SAM: It does.

MATT: You can move, if you want to.

SAM: Will they attack me?

MATT: As long as that one, you don't leave its melee, it will not.

SAM: I will leave its melee.

MATT: Which direction?

SAM: I'm going to go straight to that chest across the way.

MATT: Okay. From there you can definitely get up to the chest and that one does get an attack of opportunity against you, which will not have disadvantage, but it will roll a natural three. So yeah, that's a nine.

SAM: Great! Yay!

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: Were we in that? No.

MATT: All right, that finishes your go. Imogen, you're up, with FRIDA on deck.

LAURA: Okay. Where am I in regards to--

MATT: You're right there.

LAURA: Can I make it up the stairs?

MATT: You can-- Five, 10, 15, 20, 25. 30, you'll get pretty much right up to where he is right now. So you are essentially right behind, sharing the same space with FRIDA.

LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: I could have sworn those little pieces--

LAURA: There's two little baby swarms left, or--

MATT: Yeah, you're right there.

CHRISTIAN: That's nasty.

CHRISTIAN: It's like bacteria.

LAURA: Both of those, those are two little baby swarms or what?

MATT: They're both fairly hurt. Yeah, they're both looking kind of hurt.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Love this corner right here.

ASHLEY: I know.

AABRIA: Yeah, right?

LAURA: Let me see.

CHRISTIAN: Deanna, that green chair would look great in your house.

LAURA: I'm going to use--

AABRIA: Oh my god, you're right.

LAURA: ♪ (background music) ♪

ASHLEY: Maybe that'll be a nice reward.

AABRIA: Oh, little treat!

CHRISTIAN: When I sit in it, you won't see me. I'll disappear into the chair (laughs).

AABRIA: He's an object [inaudible].

LAURA: Hold on. Sorry, I just got to check and figure out if I can--

ASHLEY: You know in "Addams Family Values" when Wednesday paints herself?

AABRIA: Yes!

MATT: Mm-hmm, yep, yep.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, like the wall.

ASHLEY: (laughs)

LAURA: Um.

MATT: The movie holds up well.

ASHLEY: I love that movie so much.

CHRISTIAN: Just see how long it takes for someone to notice.

TRAVIS: Both of them are both so good.

MATT: Oh yeah. Raul Julia (smooches).

LAURA: Is there an object around, anything big and long? I can't see--

MATT: Oh, there is this-- This over here is a long, both on both sides, big long benches.

LAURA: Great! I'm going to telekinetically pick up the big long bench.

CHRISTIAN: Oh yeah.

LAURA: Bring it up to the ceiling, and slam it down on the bugs.

ASHLEY: Yarr!

CHRISTIAN: Bench, please.

MATT: Because of the size of the bench, I will allow the attack on each of them.

AABRIA: Oh nice!

MATT: Because it is a very long bench.

AABRIA: Just line them up.

ASHLEY: Yes, cover all those little--

MATT: Go ahead and roll an attack.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Actually, roll for both. It'll be an attack against of them.

LAURA: Roll two attacks?

MATT: Yeah.

AABRIA: You're mushing those pizzas.

LAURA: Natural 20.

ALL: Oh!

ASHLEY: There it is!

LAURA: And 13.

MATT: 13 just misses.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: One of them whiffs, but the other one does get smacked on top. I'll say because of the movement you moved there, it'll be about 20 feet to get it there. It'll be 2d6 bludgeoning damage multiplied by two.

TRAVIS: Dang. Let's go.

LAURA: 12 points of bludgeoning damage.

MATT: 12 points of bludgeoning damage. That'll do it on one of them.

CHRISTIAN: Nice.

TRAVIS: Whoosh!

MATT: (impacts) The bench entirely smashes the remainder of one of the swarms into the ground. It is gone and ruined. The other one, it's like (buzz) swarms around it, holds itself together. That your turn? There's still a bonus action if you want, but--

LAURA: I don't know what I can do, so that's it, yes.

MATT: All right. FRIDA, it is your turn, with Chetney on deck.

CHRISTIAN: There's a few left in that other swarm? In the last one standing?

MATT: Yes, there is. Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Okay, so I have the coat bundle up around me and Deanna and I will let the coat billow behind me as I raise the arm gun, the blunderbuss.

CHRISTIAN: I will take two shots. That ain't going to hit. That's a three plus 12, right? That doesn't hit. 15?

LAURA: Ooh, 15.

MATT: 15 does hit.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, okay.

MATT: Their AC is only a 14.

SAM: Ka-pew!

CHRISTIAN: ♪ Plus six ♪

SAM: I'll shoot a bug with a bullet.

CHRISTIAN: 10 points of damage.

MATT: 10 points?

(laughter)

AABRIA: When you say it that way--

MATT: 10 points of piercing damage? 10 points of piercing damage?

CHRISTIAN: Yes, 10 points of piercing damage.

MATT: Okay, so it fires through once again. Half as much damage as you would like, but it's still hurting.

CHRISTIAN: They're just so small! I will bonus action reload and take my second--

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: The empathy on the reload. They're so small-- (reload)

CHRISTIAN: Yeah, that hits. 11 plus 12.

MATT: You got it. Roll damage a second time.

SAM: Hollow point.

CHRISTIAN: That hits, 16 plus six.

MATT: 16 plus six is 22. That's 11 points of damage to that. How do you want to do this?

(cheering)

AABRIA: Yeah!

(cheering)

ASHLEY: There we go!

CHRISTIAN: Yeah, so I will let the cloak fall down and I will shoot the first one and it goes a little wide. I will reload it, as I'm reloading I will focus and the eyes will glow a little brighter, maybe a hint of red in there. I'll focus on the eye of the swarm there and I'll release the blunderbuss shot.

LAURA: Great, all of them.

CHRISTIAN: If it happens in slow motion, it would hit one and explode out.

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: (explosion) With that one flash of powder, you watch as the remainder of the swarm as it was gathering to be one continued assault against you, (whooshes) scatters. There's shredded wings and bits of chitinous form thrown against the surrounding wall and the floor. Aflame and living them no more.

LAURA: Ha ha ha.

CHRISTIAN: Is everyone okay?

LAURA: That was awesome.

SAM: Check the bodies for loot.

CHRISTIAN: You were awesome. The thing with the bench!

AABRIA: Little bugs!

LAURA: I've never been able to do that before.

CHRISTIAN: That was very, very fun and cool.

SAM: I'm going to try to open this crate over here and see if it budges.

LAURA: Oh, that chest?

CHRISTIAN: I'm going to go around and Decompose all of the--

SAM: Oh, that's nice.

CHRISTIAN: Decompose all of the corpses that I can find.

MATT: Okay. All right.

LAURA: The little bugs.

MATT: It is locked.

SAM: Oh.

LAURA: Oh, I'm going to come up behind you.

SAM: Oh, (exclaims).

LAURA: (key jangle)

TRAVIS: Check for traps.

SAM: Oh!

LAURA: Oh.

AABRIA: Okay, that's very scary.

TRAVIS: (growls) Oh, don't worry, this is much different than before.

AABRIA: How?

TRAVIS: I can talk.

AABRIA: I didn't see the first one.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Okay!

LAURA: Can you check for traps, Chet?

SAM: He's over there doing--

TRAVIS: I'm on some other shit. I'll take the-- Can I take the scythe and I'll take two swipes at the door to try and open it up.

LAURA: We have keys, Chet. We have keys!

SAM: You're also not checking for traps?

TRAVIS: No.

(laughter)

MATT: Yeah, roll two attacks.

TRAVIS: Okay.

AABRIA: Do you need some backup?

TRAVIS: 23.

SAM: He'll be when the door explodes.

TRAVIS: And an 18.

MATT: Both hit, roll damage.

TRAVIS: Nine and five's 14.

LAURA: Uh-huh.

TRAVIS: 14, five, 10. 24 points of slashing damage.

MATT: Yeah, especially striking the main door, you can see the slight gap of whatever is holding it in the middle. There is a bolt in there that is currently holding the door against some sort of pressure. You carve down once and you see it buckle, almost to the point of breaking it. The second swipe upward, the doors burst open as you pull back with the scythe, yanking from the opposite side. The doors fly open to a disheveled bedroom. A nice canopy bed with a desk and an armoire and some shelves, but it's all shunted to the sides, moved around. In the middle center of the room attached to part of the bed, it looks like all of this congealed matter. Like an odd nest of thatch and organic shine.

AABRIA: Ooh.

ASHLEY: Uh-oh.

SAM: In the bed?

LAURA: It's the worm--

MATT: No, no, on the ground--

LAURA: Its cocoon.

MATT: -- next to it. But it looks open, like it's been pulled open.

LAURA: Uh-oh.

MATT: You can see a gap in the center there.

TRAVIS: Oh, like this is-- Hmm.

LAURA: That worm turned into the fireworm.

AABRIA: Oh, it got worser.

LAURA: It cocooned and turned--

AABRIA: Oh, his--

LAURA: His pet.

ASHLEY: Pet. The Craskkalid.

LAURA: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

TRAVIS: It wasn't trapped. Do you guys want to come in here with magic shit and check it out?

AABRIA: Yeah, sure.

TRAVIS: I'll walk over to where FCG is on the chest and look for traps on that so he can--

MATT: Okay, make an investigation check. The rest of you see the open doorway and the sundered bedroom in there.

TRAVIS: 14.

AABRIA: Does it look like-- Without going in, does it look like there was an escape vector for this? Are there windows?

MATT: Make a perception check.

AABRIA: Please stop making me roll.

TRAVIS: Go. Bam!

AABRIA: (screams) Natural 20. (laughter)

(applause)

AABRIA: You did it, thank you!

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: It was all me.

AABRIA: It was all you!

MATT: Indeed, there are two windows, like they were barred from the outside, but they look un-busted, if you will.

SAM: May we see the room, Matthew?

MATT: Yeah, if you want to see the room.

LAURA: Ooh.

AABRIA: I'm going to do a little--

LAURA: Oh, shit.

ASHLEY: Look at that desk.

CHRISTIAN: Look at the tiny bed.

SAM: So that's a gross thing on the ground.

TRAVIS: Oh, there's another set of doors.

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I'm going to bamf out Mister.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: It was a 21 for investigation on traps on the chest upstairs.

LAURA: Oh, great.

MATT: Okay, 21. No traps. Just locked.

ASHLEY: Mister and I were downstairs making dolls have sex.

SAM: Making dolls have sex?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: Nice. Are you coming upstairs or are you staying downstairs?

ASHLEY: I'm going to come upstairs.

AABRIA: Quick question. Now that we know it's kind of bad, do we really care about preserving-- We don't have to find-- Can I do something real quick?

LAURA: What are you going to see?

SAM: Yeah, of course.

AABRIA: I'm going to cast Dawn inside that room and light it up.

TRAVIS: Yo, Dawn?

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: Yeah. 30-foot-radius, 40-foot-high cylinder of bright light. Every creature inside it makes a con save.

MATT: Sure.

CHRISTIAN: That is a big nest.

ASHLEY: That is a big nest.

AABRIA: Just a little--

SAM: That's a big Dawn.

AABRIA: To whom it may concern. Yeah.

LAURA: I'm searching for the key for this chest on this keyring that we stole.

(laughter)

AABRIA: 21 points.

TRAVIS: It's the fastest rotation you can.

AABRIA: Of radiant damage.

MATT: As you walk over, look into the room. Explain to me how this Dawn apparates.

AABRIA: Yeah, okay. We don't don't have to go in it, I'm just going to-- I got this. I think, peeking into the room, this is the most magic Deanna's ever cast. I think her face goes bright like the sun as she reaches forward and into the room, it's like her hand is reaching out into noon day sun as she reaches up and pulls the light. That cleansing, burning, radiant light of the Dawnfather down into the room.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Dang!

MATT: You walk up and put the hand up. As you reach your hand up to the ceiling, you look into a series of glass-type surfaces, like shines, like a series of glass domes. As you watch the light begin to fill this darkened space, as you call the wrath of the Dawnfather upon this chamber, the light fills the room. And now you see the massive, insect-like creature that is affixed to the ceiling above you.

AABRIA: Oh, it was up. We didn't look up!

(screaming)

MATT: Its numerous, spider- like, insectoid jagged legs clinging to the top of the ceiling. The small grabby claws that extend from the center of its torso and the numerous orange-like eyes that appear across its surface. As it begins to detach its legs from its resting place in the ceiling before (thud), the room ignites the bright light and you hear (shrieks) from above before it (thud) hits the ground. (skittering)

(screaming)

MATT: Out towards you. I need you all to roll initiative. (screaming)

(laughter)

TRAVIS: (screams) Oh no!

MATT: There is Deanna.

ASHLEY: Oh wow. Okay.

LAURA: Oh god.

AABRIA: Ooh, a big--

MATT: There is the craskkalid.

SAM: Holy balls!

AABRIA: Oh my god!

TRAVIS: What the fuck, bro?!

LAURA: Whoa!

LAURA: It's enormous!

AABRIA: Ooh.

CHRISTIAN: We should've fought the bull, everybody.

TRAVIS: "We should've fought the bull."

MATT: All right, 25 to 20.

ASHLEY: I got 20.

LAURA: 20.

ASHLEY: Natural 20, 22.

LAURA: Me too.

AABRIA: Nice!

ASHLEY: What?!

LAURA: Wait, no, I didn't get a natural 20. You got 22, I got 20.

TRAVIS: Save the high five. Save the high five.

ASHLEY: Not going to high five then.

AABRIA: Ashley's contempt.

ASHLEY: I'm so mad that I ruined--

AABRIA: Like, never. I would never high five that.

TRAVIS: (crackling chuckle)

AABRIA: Could you imagine?

ASHLEY: Ugh.

MATT: All righty.

CHRISTIAN: Good news is, I can shoot this thing.

MATT: So, 20 to 15.

AABRIA: 19.

SAM: 19.

MATT: Dang!

AABRIA: What's up?!

MATT: What's your dexterity?

SAM: Lot better than mine.

AABRIA: Plus what?

SAM: Mine's plus zero.

AABRIA: Aw, I wanted to roll for it.

TRAVIS: Deanna, FCG, and then Chetney with a 16.

SAM: Rollies.

AABRIA: Wait, I want to Rollies.

SAM: We're going to Rollies.

TRAVIS: Yeah, do it.

MATT: Do it.

AABRIA: 10.

SAM: 19.

AABRIA: Okay, there we go.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: But you Rollies-ed!

MATT: I love it.

LAURA: FCG, Deanna.

AABRIA: It's going to be.

SAM: Yep.

CHRISTIAN: Chet.

LAURA: Chet.

TRAVIS: Yep.

SAM: Oh boy, more fighting.

MATT: All right, what'd you get?

CHRISTIAN: 11.

MATT: 11, all right.

TRAVIS: Uh-oh.

AABRIA: Oh no, my 5th-level spell.

TRAVIS: Are you--

SAM: No, I'm good.

TRAVIS: How's your emotional state?

SAM: Oh shoot--

MATT: The creature now lands on the ground. You can see the divine energy and the light from the inside of that room begins to subside as an angrily begins to clatter and pull itself out towards the now open doors. As, tiny Deanna, you're skittering backward. Oh fuck!

AABRIA: (chuckles) Close the door, close the door, close the door.

(laughter)

MATT: Fearne, you're up first, with Imogen on deck.

ASHLEY: (screams) All right, I'm going to shoot out a Scorching Ray.

MATT: Scorching Ray at 2nd-level?

ASHLEY: Let's do--

LAURA: Good, are you upstairs now?

ASHLEY: I am.

MATT: Yeah, you've all had time to get up there, so.

LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: Let's do--

TRAVIS: Not a lot of room to maneuver, though, it's cool.

ASHLEY: I'm going to, yes. Let's do--

LAURA: Oh my god, it's huge.

ASHLEY: Let's do 3rd-level.

MATT: Looks fine. (laughs)

ASHLEY: Or no, let's do 2nd. Okay.

AABRIA: Keep the door shut.

CHRISTIAN: That is not fine.

SAM: Maybe it'll go away.

ASHLEY: Let's do--

AABRIA: It'll just go back to sleep.

ASHLEY: First hit.

MATT: That's why you don't heat up the worm. They're so cute when they're larval.

AABRIA: ♪ Do not taunt the worm ♪

ASHLEY: 20.

MATT: 20? Hits, yeah. Cook without fire and you will not evoke the worm.

AABRIA: Ah!

ASHLEY: 20 again.

MATT: Thank you for getting that. Both of those, yeah, hit. Hit and--

ASHLEY: That's-- Natural 20.

MATT: Fuck! Hit, hit, and a crit!

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: I love that.

MATT: 2d6, 4d6, and then the last two 2d6 are crit.

SAM: Jesus.

AABRIA: Let's go!

CHRISTIAN: You don't like bugs, huh?

ASHLEY: Take out my little teeth. Okay. Wait, how many am I rolling?

MATT: So 4d6 normally and then 2d6 are doubled.

ASHLEY: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: How do you read those?

ASHLEY: I know.

MATT: The question we always ask Ashley when we're doing this.

SAM: Ooh, good rolls.

MATT: How do you read that?

ASHLEY: (whispered counting)

AABRIA: With your heart.

MATT: (laughs) It's valid.

ASHLEY: Okay, 19 for the first two. Oh, plus Mister's out, so I also get an extra.

MATT: That's true. (screeches) Carrying on the legacy.

AABRIA: Thank you! Only one of us looked up how to make an actual monkey sound.

(laughter)

AABRIA: The other just screamed on camera.

MATT: Honestly, we're all that close anyway, so.

AABRIA: Yeah, yeah.

MATT: Even just riffing it feels right.

AABRIA: Yeah, just feeling it in space.

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Where's my daggum d8s? There we go.

TRAVIS: Daggum!

ASHLEY: Okay.

TRAVIS: Sorghum.

ASHLEY: Okay, so seven for Mister, an extra seven, so that was--

SAM: It was 19 plus seven, 26.

ASHLEY: 19 plus seven, 26. Then this is-- Fucking piece of shit!

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Those were such a bad roll. Two twos. Four, eight.

MATT: Eight. That's okay.

SAM: That's great.

AABRIA: That's okay.

ASHLEY: All right, all right, that's fine, that's fine.

MATT: That's still 34 points of fire damage on a 2nd-level spell.

AABRIA: Let's go.

ASHLEY: Why don't I roll my teeth?

MATT: (whooshes)

AABRIA: I don't like those.

MATT: All three blasts impact the creature. (thuds, screeches)

LAURA: Oh god.

MATT: It looks like it did not enjoy that at all.

ASHLEY: All right, but also. Bonus action. Mister gets to throw some flaming shit.

MATT: Do it, do it.

AABRIA: Let's go.

ASHLEY: So.

LAURA: Shoot that shit!

ASHLEY: I'm going to shoot that shit!

SAM: Shoot the shit.

ASHLEY: 13?

MATT: 13. (screeches) Throws it. (thud)

LAURA: Aw.

MATT: On the wall. (screeches)

ASHLEY: All right, and then what I'm going to do--

TRAVIS: Still down, though.

MATT: Yeah. (laughs)

TRAVIS: Still down.

ASHLEY: I'm going to move-- I'm going to stay there. I'm going to back up against the wall.

MATT: All right, you--

ASHLEY: Just a little bit just to--

MATT: Mister going to stay there, too?

ASHLEY: Mister's going to stay with me.

MATT: All right, so he moves with you against the wall?

ASHLEY: Yeah. Perfect.

MATT: You got it. Finishing that go. Imogen, you're up.

LAURA: (nervous noises)

MATT: FCG... kind of on deck.

LAURA: I'm going to--

AABRIA: Kind of?

MATT: It technically goes before--

AABRIA: (surprised noise)

TRAVIS: Fearne, Imogen, Deanna, FCG, right?

MATT: Imogen, and then the creature. It rolled a 19 initiative and has higher dex than both of them.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to scooch out, so I can get a visual on the creature.

MATT: Okay, you move. Five, 10, 15, 20 there to get a view on it as you see Fearne back away after blasting it and going into the wall.

LAURA: Oh shit. Oh, that's huge.

ASHLEY: It's a big boy!

LAURA: (exclaims) I'm going to a Lightning Bolt it.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: Let's go!

LAURA: 4th-level.

MATT: Yeah, I'll say-- Technically--

LAURA: If I can aim above Deanna.

MATT: I'd say you can aim just past because it is five-foot wide. You suddenly smell this weird, burnt battery smell. That sense of an electrical fire just hit in the nearby chamber, that sort of smell. Though you wouldn't really understand it in the world, that's what you pick up before--

AABRIA: FRIDA, did you fart?

MATT: (whooshes) This bright light passes by you and you wince out of the way as a bolt of purple lightning arcs out of nowhere just past you, barely getting close to singeing the left side of your face. The creature, making a dexterity saving throw, it does succeed at natural 19.

AABRIA: Dang it.

MATT: But roll your damage on the Lightning Bolt.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: (crackling boom) You have to take a moment to try and control it as it arcs through and tears up along the side of the wall on the opposite side. Keeping the "Ghostbusters" theme.

(laughter)

AABRIA: We all know the bit we're doing now.

MATT: Exactly.

LAURA: Nine. 18.

MATT: Don't look in the trap, Ray.

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Throw it across the street. Thanks, good safety tip.

LAURA: 22, 24.

MATT: More "Ghostbusters" quotes.

AABRIA: (laugh)

TRAVIS: Yeah. It's slime.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: 32. 32.

TRAVIS: That's great!

MATT: Actual physical contact. Can you move?

LAURA: 32 points.

MATT: 32 points. Awesome.

SAM: Cats and dogs.

MATT: 16 points of lightning damage as it arcs through it. It darts to the side just as you throw it. It still strikes it, but it clings onto the wall before it begins to crawl its way forward.

SAM: ♪ Crawlin' its way ♪

MATT: You still have 10 feet of movement.

LAURA: I'm going to move away from the group of people.

MATT: Away from it?

LAURA: Yeah, around the corner. Can I move--

MATT: You can get here and then there is something in the way. Make an athletics check to see if you can climb over it.

LAURA: Whoa. (laughs)

SAM: ♪ The way she moves ♪

MATT: Nope, you're like (strains). You slam your knee into it. Like, oh!

LAURA: Ow, fuck, fuck!

MATT: Can't quite get over it, so you're right there. It is now the Craskkalid's turn.

SAM: Whoa.

MATT: It is going to, since it's on the wall from the Lightning Bolt--

TRAVIS: Craskkalid.

LAURA: Oh my lord!

MATT: Climb through the doorway before (whooshes, thuds) landing here in the middle of this space.

SAM: Oh god, it's taking up the whole room.

ASHLEY: Big boy!

MATT: It is definitely not designed for this sort of tight quarters, but it is spreading out within the space that's possible there. It is immediately going to make three attacks. It's going to make a bite strike against you.

AABRIA: Cool.

SAM: Oh noes.

AABRIA: Are we still in melee? Yeah, of course it is.

MATT: Yeah, you are. That's going to be 18 to hit.

AABRIA: Nope.

MATT: No?

CHRISTIAN: Nice.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: You put your shield up just in time.

SAM: Whoa!

MATT: You feel its weird--

TRAVIS: Fuck yeah.

MATT: -- arachnid-type teeth, scraping against the metal to no avail. Yeah, the weird orange eyes are darting around, and looking in different directions. It's going to make its claw attack forward against, I'm going to say Fearne, two of them against you.

ASHLEY: All right.

MATT: (claws slicing) That's going to be a 22.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: And a 22, plus eight to hit.

ASHLEY: Yes. Both hit.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: All righty. You take 18 points of slashing damage--

ASHLEY: All right.

MATT: -- and 19 points of slashing damage.

LAURA: (gasps)

SAM: I'll take half of that second one.

MATT: Okay, so that would be instead of 19, that would be nine.

ASHLEY: Right, nine.

SAM: Yep.

MATT: You get another point there. I need you to make an athletics or acrobatics check to see. It does try to grapple you within its claw.

ASHLEY: Oh. My specialty.

AABRIA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Natural one.

LAURA: No, no.

(laughter)

MATT: You are currently held within its claw, as one grabs and crushes you and pulls you in. You see it's now holding her almost--

LAURA: No!

MATT: -- alongside its jaws that it's snapping at Deanna. Then it's also going to take a leg spear strike at you, which is a 10-foot range.

LAURA: Ah!

CHRISTIAN: Are you within five feet?

SAM: But Imogen's a little sweetie.

AABRIA: Yeah.

LAURA: But what did I ever do to it?

AABRIA: Why would you try to hit a sweetie?

MATT: Whatever's nearby. It's 29 to hit.

CHRISTIAN: Are you within five feet?

LAURA: 29?!

CHRISTIAN: Is she within five feet of me?

MATT: She is within 10 feet of you, unfortunately. So, with that.

LAURA: But I have my Mage Armor up, so. (laughs)

MATT: You do, that's true.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: 28.

AABRIA: Oh no, I heard the way that felt.

LAURA: (laughs) Yeah.

MATT: 17...

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: 23 points of piercing damage, as it strikes through your Mage Armor, it hits in the torso area, and the magical arcane shield deflects it for a moment, and then shatters inward, and it pierces as you deflect it, and it scrapes off your clavicle.

LAURA: (groaning) Okay.

MATT: All right. That finishes its go. FCG, you're up, with Deanna on deck.

TRAVIS: Damn.

SAM: I will first bonus action, hit it with my fly swatter Spiritual Weapon, which is right there.

MATT: Move 20 feet up here.

SAM: Boop!

MATT: It's going to hit it from up there. It floats up--

SAM: 17 plus seven, it's 24 to hit.

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

SAM: Five plus three, eight points of damage.

MATT: Eight points of damage. The fly swatter (splat)!

(laughter)

SAM: Then I will hot swap the propeller with my bolt thrower-- (click click) pew!

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: -- and fire a bolt. This has a very low likelihood of hitting.

MATT: You have to move over there to see.

SAM: 18 plus four?!

MATT: That hits.

SAM: That's a 22.

AABRIA: Let's go!

SAM: Five plus the nine points of temporary damage I absorbed from young Miss.

MATT: Indeed.

SAM: Plus another divine, this is a weapon strike, right?

MATT: Yeah, so another d8 divined in for a--

AABRIA: Let's go.

SAM: Another six!

AABRIA: Yeah!

MATT: For a total of?

SAM: Six, five, nine.

TRAVIS, MATT, and LAURA: 20.

SAM: Thank you.

MATT: 20 points of damage on it. You release your bolt thrower, and the bolt strikes into one of its eyes, and as it hits, this flash of divine light, and you watch as one of its weird bulbous eyes just-- (squelch)

SAM: Oh!

MATT: -- splatters at the impact. It pulls back. It's starting to--

TRAVIS: A bunch of baby Craskkalids come pouring out of it's body.

CHRISTIAN: Ah!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Coming out!

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: Yucky. Why? Why would you put that? Why would you put that in the world?

MATT: That finish your turn?

SAM: That's it!

MATT: All right, finishing FCG's go. Deanna, you're up, with the Chetney on deck.

AABRIA: Okay, I want to skirt around it to get--

SAM: Skirt?

AABRIA: -- to the front of it.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: Going to get to the front?

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, you are full on--

TRAVIS: Skirt. (laughs)

AABRIA: What am I-- It's fine. It's bad in every part of it.

MATT: It is. You're moving by with the shield still up, it's pushing against it.

AABRIA: Excuse me, pardon me, so sorry, so sorry, thank you very much.

TRAVIS: All bad.

AABRIA: Bonus action, we're going to drag the Dawn to catch the back half of it.

SAM: Drag the Dawn.

AABRIA: Because I can move it up to 60 feet, but I don't want it to hit me or my allies, but try to keep its ass meat in the sun.

TRAVIS: Okay, okay.

AABRIA: We're going to keep some shine on this boy.

SAM: Perineum sunning?

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: Yeah, yeah. I heard it's good for you.

MATT: You blasted it back here, the far wall, to try and capture the whole room.

AABRIA: Yes.

MATT: Right? To move it forward, you'd have to move it slightly this way, and you would just-- Yeah, I think you can do it, and just catch it, but it's right on the cusp. Nobody else can move into that space, or they're going to take it as well.

AABRIA: Yep, totally fine. No one go back to where the more of it is. That feels normal to do.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Don't be there. Then with my action, since we're still in melee--

TRAVIS: Don't fuck things up when they're in the light?

AABRIA: Yeah, if it starts its turn, or ends its turn there--

TRAVIS: Anything or just enemies?

AABRIA: Anything. Yeah.

TRAVIS: Well then.

MATT: I'd say it's essentially right there.

TRAVIS: Damn!

SAM: Whoa!

MATT: It's right in that space.

AABRIA: I can't pull it a little farther, just to get this part of it?

MATT: Any further here, because the center of it will go beyond the--

TRAVIS: The wall?

MATT: The wall there.

AABRIA: It can't clip through? (laughs)

TRAVIS: (laughs) DM to DM?

AABRIA: DM to DM? Why are we observing physics in the game with our pretend brains?

ASHLEY: (laughs)

TRAVIS: With our pretend brains. (laughs)

AABRIA: Totally fine.

MATT: You move it up to 60 feet as a bonus action on your turn. I'll say it is a column of light.

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: Since it is a column, and not a source, I'll allow it.

AABRIA: (gasps) Oh, you're very nice.

ASHLEY: Yes!

AABRIA: Thank you!

MATT: Well, no, it makes sense when you think about it, because it is an apparated bit of holy light that just blasts.

ASHLEY: That makes sense to me.

AABRIA: All right. So, sunning its perineum.

LAURA: Yeah. I get it.

MATT: Straight up.

TRAVIS: All these poor motherfuckers outside are just-- (screaming)

AABRIA: Anyone outside, absolutely dying.

TRAVIS: (screaming)

(laughter)

MATT: We'll get to that later.

AABRIA: Yeah.

(raucous laughter)

AABRIA: That sounds like not a me problem right now.

MATT: It's 40 feet high, so.

TRAVIS: Cybernetic flashback. Chain link fence.

SAM: I think it's going well in there! (screams)

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Sarah Connor is-- (screams)

MATT: Yeah. (laughs)

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: Oh no.

AABRIA: Then in the front, let's hit it with a 4th-level Inflict Wounds while I'm in melee.

MATT: Ooh, do it, roll.

AABRIA: 18 plus nine, 27 to hit.

MATT: Okay, roll that. Level four, you said?

AABRIA: Jesus. Level four, yeah.

MATT: Level four? Oh shit, that's 6d10!

LAURA: Level four--

AABRIA: I rolled like shit, don't worry, it's fine.

LAURA: -- Inflict Wounds here. 20--

TRAVIS: Huh?

LAURA: It's a level four--

AABRIA: 24 points of necrotic damage.

MATT: 24 points of necrotic damage.

ASHLEY: Whoo!

AABRIA: That could've been any amount better.

MATT: That could have been. But still--

(laughter)

MATT: It's still 24 points of necrotic damage as you reach out and strike it with your hand, and as it has the terrifying blast of radiant Dawnfather vengeance that is striking through the stone, like a waterfall of sunlight burning across the back of its abdomen. You reach up and grasp one of its tusks that it tried to bite you with earlier, and (magical bolt) pulse through it this angry bit of necrotic energy as you watch that one tusk suddenly turn gray and crack--

LAURA: Yes!

MATT: -- and crumble into stone and dust underneath your grip as you shake it free, shield up once more.

TRAVIS: Damn.

AABRIA: I think Deanna is a tiny little Dawnfather at this point, again, just sun for a face.

MATT: Oh my god, yeah. So the light begins to glow from beneath your knitted shawl that you have on.

AABRIA: Yep!

(laughter)

SAM: She's turning into--

AABRIA: Meemaw's mad!

(laughter)

SAM: She's turning into one of those bugs!

TRAVIS: Meemaw's mad.

MATT: Yes!

AABRIA: Yeah.

MATT: I love it. All right. Is that-- You done with your turn?

AABRIA: That's it.

MATT: All right. Chet, you're up with FRIDA on deck.

TRAVIS: I will run not into the room that looks like it's a holy inferno, but back around the corner.

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Can I use my 35 feet of speed to get within melee of it?

MATT: You can get beside Deanna, and you can, you can--

LAURA: If I duck, can he jump over me?

MATT: I'll say he could.

TRAVIS: I'd be like-- (wall climbing)

MATT: In order to get into melee with it, based on everyone else's position, you'd have to get into the light of the Dawn.

AABRIA: Don't touch the light. Do not head for the light.

MATT: But you-- Well, I'll let you figure it out. What do you want to do?

TRAVIS: I'm a dumb animal. I'll run into the light.

AABRIA: Bro!

MATT: So, you get into there, that's five, 10, 15, 20. Make an athletics check for me.

TRAVIS: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: That thing is so big.

TRAVIS: Advantage--

AABRIA: It's so big.

MATT: 30.

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

SAM: Oh!

CHRISTIAN: Nice!

MATT: Oh yeah, you vault over the lectern and over Imogen, land and rush up to it, entering the burning bright sunlight, and wincing on that side, you can still assault it with 10 feet of movement left.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll take two swings with with Turmoil.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: First one is 22 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: Second one is 26 to hit.

MATT: Both hit.

TRAVIS: This one is-- Oh, oh!

MATT: No, oh!

AABRIA: It did do that.

TRAVIS: Eight plus five is 13. Uh, uh, uh ♪ uh, uh, uh, uh ♪ That's 16, 17, oh, and 19, 21 points of slashing damage with two points of Crimson Rite damage.

SAM: Nice!

MATT: Got it.

TRAVIS: Oh! 1d8!

MATT: Thunder because of the Turmoil.

TRAVIS: Thunder! Five points thunder damage. (laughs)

MATT: Thunder, thunder!

AABRIA: Did he just call thunder?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Thunder!

MATT: You strike up with it, a massive blow with the Turmoil.

TRAVIS: (whispering) Seven more points of damage.

AABRIA: Nice.

MATT: Seven more points?

TRAVIS: Because it's each hit on top.

MATT: Right, it's because you did all the damage together. You got it. All right.

TRAVIS: 15 extra.

MATT: Both impacting it, you can see it-- (monstrous growling) It seems both terrified, and at the same time extremely angry and hungry. Both strikes leave a scattering of deep green angry blood on the ground. Okay, it is now bleeding--

AABRIA: Do you have the moment to get out of the cylinder?

TRAVIS: I think I had enough movement just to get in.

MATT: Everyone within five feet of it--

SAM: Uh-oh.

AABRIA: Ooh.

MATT: Which would be you, you, and you. Now that it's taken a certain amount of damage with each of those additional strikes, its blood, its dark green blood as it splatters out, seems to be a boiling consistency.

LAURA: Oh, great, cool.

MATT: It spatters across you like hot oil.

LAURA: Cool, cool, cool.

MATT: You all take five points of fire damage.

AABRIA: Ouch.

MATT: Then an additional four points of fire damage. So, nine points of fire damage total on all three of you.

AABRIA: I don't like that. No thank you.

TRAVIS: Negated because I have wolf pelt?

MATT: Nah.

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: You still have 10 feet of movement, though.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: What's that?

MATT: You still have 10 feet of movement.

TRAVIS: Oh, I do!

AABRIA: Oh, you do have to take the Dawn damage because you ended your turn inside of it.

TRAVIS: Because I ended my turn inside of it?

AABRIA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Well, if I have 10 more feet I'd bounce out and take a-- If I run in and I'm, whoosh, whoosh, rah, I'd use the 10 and get out.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I'll take an attack of opportunity instead of sitting in the pillar of--

AABRIA: It's hot.

MATT: Might be a good call.

AABRIA: If you're good at con.

MATT: So, you take 10 feet out of it, which means it the creature does get an attack of opportunity against you.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: My con's kind of meh.

AABRIA: All right.

MATT: All right. So with that, that is...

TRAVIS: I just got resistance to bludgeoning damage.

MATT: Oh, 26 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits.

LAURA: Whoa.

AABRIA: Jesus.

MATT: All right, so you're going to take a bite attack from it as you try to pull away from it.

CHRISTIAN: He's within five feet of me, isn't he?

MATT: He is now, which means he'll be leaving the range. Do you want--

CHRISTIAN: Yes, if I can, I would impose disadvantage on the 26.

MATT: I'll allow it. Why not?

TRAVIS: Unless you rolled all the d10s on that thing, I ain't fucking with that.

ASHLEY: Such a cool--

CHRISTIAN: Yeah, as a reaction?

AABRIA: It's very cool.

MATT: That's going to make it a 16.

TRAVIS: To hit?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh, he misses.

AABRIA: Ah! (laughs)

ASHLEY: Whoo!

TRAVIS: Damn, FRIDA!

MATT: As you move past, and it tries to bite towards you, you push Chetney's wolven form out of the way, and essentially using the rest of your coat spin, deflecting it and taking it on your shoulder, but you push it off the way with no impact taken.

CHRISTIAN: Cool.

MATT: That's awesome.

CHRISTIAN: Cool, cool, cool, cool.

MATT: All righty. Finishing Chetney's go, FRIDA, you're up.

CHRISTIAN: I'll use the momentum of my coat. So, I'll take it and distract it and turn back around, and as I turn back around-- DM, can I use a disarming shot to get him to drop Fearne?

MATT: Yeah, I'll allow that.

CHRISTIAN: Okay. I'm going to-- Now wait a minute.

SAM: Do I like Fearne?

MATT: Now?

(laughter)

SAM: She's sort of annoying sometimes.

AABRIA: She do be stealing.

TRAVIS: She do be stealing.

ASHLEY: She do be stealing.

CHRISTIAN: Okay, I'm going to call Sharpshooter.

MATT: Yeah, you're still snared, okay.

AABRIA: He called it, we heard it.

CHRISTIAN: I'm going to say: You put Ms. Calloway down.

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: Ooh!

ASHLEY: Yes.

CHRISTIAN: That is a 16 plus 12, minus five.

SAM: Whoa. Oh. Ah.

CHRISTIAN: 16 plus--

MATT: So, 28 to 23.

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

MATT: Still hits.

CHRISTIAN: Excellent. So plus 10 to damage, 2d8.

ALL: (powerful energy)

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: I didn't know we were all going to do a thing.

CHRISTIAN: Four plus six is 10--

(laughter)

CHRISTIAN: -- plus 10 points is 20.

AABRIA: I feel left out.

MATT: 20 points of piercing damage to it.

SAM: You should do it now.

CHRISTIAN: Bonus action reload.

AABRIA: (powerful energy)

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: So, he's got to make a con save on that.

MATT: Con save.

CHRISTIAN: Is that true? Con save with the--

MATT: Indeed. That's going to be a 21.

AABRIA: Golly.

MATT: Natural 19 on the con save.

CHRISTIAN: So that hits.

TRAVIS: Golly!

CHRISTIAN: Second attack.

MATT: Go for it.

CHRISTIAN: Can I call Sharpshooter more than once in a turn?

MATT: Yeah, any attack you can Sharpshooter, it's just minus five to hit, which is the challenge.

CHRISTIAN: Yeah, yeah, we're going to try again.

MATT: All right.

CHRISTIAN: Sharpshooter on the second one. That misses. Action surge.

TRAVIS: Yo, let's go, FRIDA!

AABRIA: Yeah! (laughs)

CHRISTIAN: So, with the action surge, do I get two more attacks?

MATT: Two more attacks, but you have to use one of them to reload.

CHRISTIAN: Right, so just one attack?

MATT: One more attack, yeah.

AABRIA: Let's go!

MATT: (gun shots) (reloading) Go for it.

CHRISTIAN: 13 plus 12, minus five.

MATT: 25, so 20. Still hits. Roll damage.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

CHRISTIAN: I will use my last grit point to try and get Ms. Calloway to--

MATT: Another disarming shot?

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

MATT: You got it. Okay.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

CHRISTIAN: 2d8--

LAURA: Drop her, drop her, drop her.

CHRISTIAN: -- plus six, plus 10. Nine plus six is 15, plus 10 is 25.

MATT: 25 points.

LAURA: 26.

ASHLEY: Whoo!

AABRIA: 25.

LAURA: 20--

CHRISTIAN: Whatever Laura Bailey says.

LAURA: Wait, what?

CHRISTIAN: It was nine plus--

LAURA: 16 plus 10?

AABRIA: I thought it was nine plus six.

CHRISTIAN: Nine plus six is 15--

LAURA: Oh, oh, oh, oh.

CHRISTIAN: -- plus 10 is 25.

MATT: You got it.

LAURA: Just kidding.

MATT: So, 25 points of damage, that's 45 points on that round of the action surge.

AABRIA: Let's go!

ASHLEY: Whoa!

MATT: With one miss.

CHRISTIAN: Did he drop her?

MATT: Then that's going to be a nine on con save.

LAURA: Yeah!

AABRIA: Yay!

CHRISTIAN: So 10 feet away from me. He's got to-- She's dropped, and pushed 10 feet away from me.

MATT: Okay. That will push you into the corner.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: But there's no room for it.

CHRISTIAN: Fearne?

MATT: Fearne?

CHRISTIAN: It can't be-- where am I?

MATT: Because you're right here.

CHRISTIAN: Oh, okay.

MATT: That's okay, you're no longer grappled.

ASHLEY: That's fine, that's great.

MATT: So, you can't be pushed further in, but you're no longer held by it.

ASHLEY: Ugh.

MATT: Yeah, because the idea is, when you shoot something out of a hand, it gets blown backward. But with this, you shoot the claw, and the part front of the claw cracks open, and you get dropped to the ground. You're now free to move, if you want to.

ASHLEY: Great.

CHRISTIAN: So--

MATT: Yeah?

CHRISTIAN: Instead of reloading, what I'm going to do is use Crossbow Expert, and I would've shot the blunderbuss. Because I have Crossbow Expert, I can use my bonus action to pull out my crossbow, and take a shot, and that's what I'm going to do.

MATT: Well, because you had two attacks, right?

CHRISTIAN: Yes, in the first, and then--

MATT: In the first round, but it was attack and reload.

CHRISTIAN: Attack, bonus action reload, attack.

MATT: Reload and then attack, and you missed on the second attack.

CHRISTIAN: Yes.

MATT: Action surge, reload, and attack. So, you're out of actions and bonus actions.

CHRISTIAN: Okay, cool.

MATT: But good looking out.

CHRISTIAN: No problem. Then that is my, where am I? I'm going to--

MATT: I made the class, I got to--

AABRIA: (laughs)

CHRISTIAN: Yeah. (laughs) I'm going to move in front. I want to be in front of--

LAURA: ♪ Where the people are ♪

CHRISTIAN: ♪ I want to be where the people are ♪ ♪ In front of the monster ♪ In front of Chet, so that I'm five feet. Oh wait, I pushed Fearne back, right?

MATT: Yeah.

CHRISTIAN: Can I try and get to Fearne and stay within its range, so it doesn't attack me?

MATT: It's tough because this is all so cluttered right now.

CHRISTIAN: Right.

MATT: And hadn't moved on its turn. You could get up to here, right in front of Chetney, but that would still be 10 feet from the creature. Or you can move here, and get within five feet to where Chetney was.

CHRISTIAN: It's Fearne and then Imogen, so, no, I'll stay within five feet of Imogen.

MATT: Okay, so, you can still stay within five feet here, you're just within five feet of everybody.

CHRISTIAN: That's good, I'll stay there.

MATT: Okay, so you're in the middle of everybody, preparing to hunker down, if need be.

ASHLEY: I'm at 12.

MATT: All right, finishing your go. Top of the round, Fearne, with Imogen on deck.

AABRIA: Okay.

ASHLEY: I have an idea!

SAM: Finish him!

ASHLEY: All right.

AABRIA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: What I would like to do is to Polymorph it back into a baby. To what it was.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Here's the deal, it's going to change back in an hour when Drix comes back in here to go to bed, so he's going to have to deal with it.

(laughter)

SAM: You're horrible.

AABRIA: This is so wrong.

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: I like it.

MATT: What's the save on this?

ASHLEY: 18 wisdom.

MATT: 18 wisdom, okay, wisdom, it is plus two on that.

CHRISTIAN: Chaos. This is chaos.

MATT: That's a 16, 14 plus two. (laughs)

MATT: All right, so I'm going to reach out and try to put it.

MATT: (growling) (cooing)

AABRIA: Oh, it's cute!

LAURA: It's so cute!

MATT: Instantaneously--

AABRIA: Shit.

MATT: The entity is reduced to this tiny little larval worm about a foot and a half long that has this natural smile, and these tiny little sleepy-looking eyes and it is fucking cute.

AABRIA: Oh, I get it.

ASHLEY: All right, this is going to be like this for an hour, so we got to go, and then Drix can come back and deal with it. I'm going to put it back here.

LAURA: It's going to kill Drix. I mean, it's going to kill him.

TRAVIS: That's okay, if it wasn't that, it'd be me.

AABRIA: Ooh, wow.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Let's search this place.

SAM: Wait.

TRAVIS: Find anything--

CHRISTIAN: That leaves Oltgar--

SAM: You want to turn off the Dawn thing?

CHRISTIAN: -- as the only owner.

AABRIA: Oh yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, but that, yeah.

AABRIA: Can I turn off Dawn?

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Well, do we kill it?

LAURA: Well, does--

CHRISTIAN: We can create--

LAURA: Won't it--

TRAVIS: No.

ASHLEY: No?

LAURA: Won't Oltgar just get killed by it as well, potentially?

ASHLEY: Say again.

SAM: Well, let's find out what's going on first.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: We have some time to make some decisions.

LAURA: Yeah, we've got an hour. We've got an hour.

SAM: I'll slap you with a Cure Wounds.

MATT: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Ow! Oh!

TRAVIS: I'll drop my wolf form back to--

SAM: 2nd-level.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Back down to Chetney.

SAM: Terrible.

MATT: You got it.

LAURA: Can we start searching--

SAM: 10 points.

LAURA: -- his desk and stuff for papers to show that he's stealing from old fart?

MATT: Yeah, make an investigation check.

ASHLEY: I'm just trying to keep baby happy.

MATT: All right, so it's advantage on your investigation.

SAM: What do you think that baby likes?

TRAVIS: I'll give you advantage--

SAM: The five S's?

LAURA: Natural 20.

(cheering)

MATT: For a total of?

LAURA: I mean, I don't have a good investigation. Oh, 24. That's not bad!

MATT: 24 is pretty good. Okay. To thoroughly search, it will take about 20 minutes.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: 20 to 30 minutes. As long as you're okay to--

TRAVIS: I'll help.

MATT: Okay, so where the rest of this crew looking through here, you find a number of ledgers and receipts that essentially tie D&O Toy Emporium to one, a number of children within Shadycreek Run that are building and making a lot of these toys.

LAURA: No!

CHRISTIAN: This is child labor.

AABRIA: That's fun.

SAM: Sweat shops.

CHRISTIAN: We should kill him.

SAM: Wait, Shadycreek Run.

ASHLEY: I knew it!

SAM: That's where--

ASHLEY: They weren't building locally.

SAM: -- the Lorenzo people were, right?

LAURA: Yeah, Shadycreek.

SAM: The Iron Shepherds?

MATT: Yeah, there are a number of various families that work out of Shadycreek.

TRAVIS: The Jagentoths?

MATT: Jagentoths are one of them. There's the Uttolots.

LAURA: There's people that were working with the Gentleman--

MATT: There's a bunch of families.

LAURA: -- that were in Shadycreek. Ophelia.

SAM: Child labor!

MATT: Ophelia was part of the--

SAM: "That's horrible--"

MATT: -- the Mardoon.

SAM: -- he says on his iPhone.

(laughter)

AABRIA: Oh no!

LAURA: Sam, don't.

TRAVIS: Okay, cool, child labor, that's fun.

ASHLEY: I'm going to go put the baby--

LAURA: Drixlitch needs to die.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'm going to go put the baby back in his nest.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Their nest. I'm sorry. I'm going to put it back in and--

MATT: (tiny gurgles) It's writhing and trying to angrily attack you.

SAM: Do a little swaddle.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I could swaddle it with whatever the nest is and then give it a--

LAURA: Oh my god, I just want to hug it. I'm just going to tell--

AABRIA: Don't, don't, don't! Don't, don't, don't!

ASHLEY: Give it a squeeze.

LAURA: I just want to hug it. I'm not going to damage it.

ASHLEY: I know, while it's little and smushy.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: (adorable growling) It tries to bite you, but it's just a little suction pull on your cheek. It leaves a little--

LAURA: Oh, I love him!

MATT: -- line of slime.

SAM: (laughs)

CHRISTIAN: Hey, DM, is there any quality wood in this place?

MATT: Up here? I mean, the furniture is decently well-made.

CHRISTIAN: All of the furniture that Imogen may have broken, I'll start picking up pieces of wood.

MATT: Okay.

CHRISTIAN: And gathering them.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Did y'all search everywhere including the office?

TRAVIS: Well, he said one was the child labor stuff, so I feel like there was something else.

SAM: Oh, there's something else coming.

MATT: I mean, a lot of them are the expansion attempts that it's made into other parts of the city and beyond. A lot of them are debt ledgers, the borrowing that it's taken from a number of other noble houses.

AABRIA: Oh, this is fun.

MATT: There is also documentation. (laughs) There's also documentation of-- Your investigation, fucking natural 20. You can see that there are some documents that have been forged in Oltgar's name that are situated-- They were hidden away and haven't been processed yet, you gather. But they're eventually going to be bequeathing the name of the company over to him in the in the case of his untimely demise.

LAURA: (gasps)

AABRIA: Ooh!

LAURA: Oh my god, this guy.

AABRIA: That's fun.

CHRISTIAN: We could certainly leave the worm in his bed, but I think we've collected enough information to give him the strong arm.

LAURA: Take him out.

ASHLEY: I mean this little baby's about to go off. It's like a bomb that's about to go off.

TRAVIS: Well, here's the thing.

CHRISTIAN: He might survive.

SAM: You're back to normal?

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

AABRIA: Oh god.

SAM: What do you want to do? Do you want to take over this place? Do you want to burn it down? Do you want to--

TRAVIS: No, no. I think, unfortunately, if we leave the ♪ little baby ♪, it could harm not just Drixlitch, it could also hurt Oltgar, it could hurt-- It could get out of the building and hurt the people of the city. Maybe one of us should take it up to the entrance and let it out into the wild. Let it do its thing.

CHRISTIAN: I can do that.

AABRIA: We can run it out quickly.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to take it.

SAM: You're shaking the baby.

ASHLEY: I'm going to swallow-- Swallow it. I'm going to swaddle and just hold on. I'll just hold on. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out.

LAURA: We've got 30 minutes to figure it out before--

TRAVIS: If you want to take it up to the entrance, we'll wait for you back down here, but we're going to turn this place upside-down for a second. Also, there were no traps on that chest, and you had a bunch of keys and you were opening.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you take it up, I'm going to--

TRAVIS: And then Godzilla fell from the roof.

AABRIA: Before you leave, I'm going to cast a Mass Cure Wounds for the squad.

LAURA: Oh my god, thank you.

AABRIA: Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: What is happening?

AABRIA: I don't know what I've done.

TRAVIS: Leave it. Stop it here.

AABRIA: I don't know who I hurt.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

AABRIA: 16 points of healing for everyone.

TRAVIS: You hurt the people outside the building, that's who.

AABRIA: Yeah, I rolled two ones and a two on the dice.

MATT: Oh, girl, I'm so sorry.

TRAVIS: Thank you, I appreciate the 16 points.

MATT: That's rough.

ASHLEY: I'm sorry. It could've been good.

LAURA: 16 is great, though, that's a lot.

ASHLEY: No, it's great.

MATT: 16 is great because you are designed to do this.

AABRIA and ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: (laughs) All righty, so you take your 16 points of healing for all those who need it.

LAURA: Are there any things in the chests that we can open up?

MATT: Yeah, you go inside and there are all number of raw materials, metal ingots, tools. What looks to be some... What was the word I'm looking for? Some prototypes of some upcoming mechanical toys. Some clockwork-based creatures, like clockwork parrots that look a little busted with springs free that have been sent and submitted by outside interests to possibly push into this space.

TRAVIS: Grab those.

ASHLEY: We're taking everything.

SAM: Even the Tickle Me Oltgar?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: (laughs)

AABRIA: Especially that. Burn it. Burn it.

TRAVIS: I'm under the bed.

MATT: Bunch of Beanie Babies.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Anything under the bed, underneath, not just the desk, but the drawers, turning this room upside-down a little bit.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LAURA: ♪ Make an investigation check ♪

SAM: Guidance!

MATT and AABRIA: (laugh)

MATT: We have such brain rot at this point.

TRAVIS: 21, 23.

MATT: 23. Yeah, you find-- not underneath the bed, but in a small hidden compartment underneath the right-hand chest of drawers that sits to the side of the bed an enchanting kit, designed for small-scale enchantments and magical use. Some of it's missing. It looks like it may have been a gift that was partially used and then left behind. It doesn't look like it's seen a lot of use, but there is a pair of these fine gloves-- these fingerless leather and scale gloves that go about mid-forearm that have some sort of a nice stitched scrolling on them.

TRAVIS: I'll take those. I'll tuck them into my waistband. Okay, here's the plan. We're going to go outside. Can I feel where Drixlitch is?

LAURA: Oh, right, because you...

MATT: Yes, you can, about a mile and a half away.

TRAVIS: Perfect.

AABRIA: Damn, he's scooting.

TRAVIS: Going to go downstairs, look for anything else. I'm going to find Oltgar, and we're going to have a conversation. How do you feel about helping me with that?

LAURA: Are you going to kill him?

TRAVIS: TBD.

AABRIA: Ooh.

LAURA: I don't want to help you kill him, but I'll help you talk to him.

ASHLEY: (shushing)

AABRIA: (laughs)

LAURA: I thought you were going to go up there. He's going to turn back, Fearne!

TRAVIS: We got to get the fuck out of here.

ASHLEY: It's only been like 10 minutes.

LAURA: He's going to turn back in like 20!

TRAVIS: You got 20 minutes to get to the entrance.

ASHLEY: I was going to give him back to Drix.

LAURA: No. Drix--

SAM: (laughs)

LAURA: No, we're not going to do that.

TRAVIS: Nope, that's not the plan.

ASHLEY: I'm going to say, "Take your baby back home."

TRAVIS: But the home's here.

ASHLEY: Oh, right.

AABRIA: This is bad.

ASHLEY: Well, I'll be right back.

(laughter)

AABRIA: You got to jog.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to go out and try to drop off--

TRAVIS: This better be a whole "Homeward Bound" thing upstairs.

MATT: Are you dropping him off where?

SAM: Gates of the city?

ASHLEY: Just outside.

LAURA: Far enough out of the gate?

MATT: (laughs) Just outside? Okay. While the rest of you are here, you go into a light jog because it will take you about 15 minutes of a brisk pace to get to the entrance. You're holding this and rushing through the city, and some people just--

ASHLEY: I got you. I got you.

MATT: "Who's that?" "Strange woman." "Is she holding a baby?" "She's holding a baby!" "Did she steals someone's baby?" "I don't know." Some of them go like, "Oh, that's one of the heroes around--" You're just charging, charging.

ASHLEY: Just saving all your pets, it's all good.

MATT: It's squirming in your grasp. You have to catch it a few times. It hits the ground and pick it up.

ASHLEY: So slippery!

MATT: Eventually getting back to the staircase, that leads upwards to the entryway that exits this side of the Auger Trail out into the open. At this point, your eyes adjust as you come out to the bright snow-capped mountainside outside of Uthodurn. There looking above, a gray cloud cover, there's no snowfall. It doesn't look like there's any threaten of a storm, but it's a bright white-out day as far as the sheer volume of light that is bouncing off of it.

ASHLEY: I can't see!

MATT: The Glassblades see you as you approach and walk by. They're watching you awkwardly as some traders go by with their horses and donkeys.

SAM: She's going to throw a baby.

MATT: You walk past the outer gate, and there's a cliff and the forest below and the alps around you. What do you do?

AABRIA: "300."

MATT: You gather as someone that cast the spell, you have maybe a minute and a half.

ASHLEY: Okay, it's just a straight cliff?

MATT: I mean, it's a 15-foot cliff slides down and there's trees and the valley.

ASHLEY: Okay, great, so I'm going to try to Plinko him down.

MATT and TRAVIS: (laugh)

ASHLEY: Just slide him down and like--

TRAVIS: Slide him along the cliff face?

AABRIA: Slide him!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: That is the most brutal thing. That is way worse than just letting it go for one.

ASHLEY: It's only 15 feet!

TRAVIS: (impacts)

(laughter)

MATT: 15 feet is the first cliff, and then it's all decent. As you let it slide--

ASHLEY: Oh!

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Wait, wait, wait.

AABRIA: I need you to go full NFL Combine. Fucking yeet this baby.

ASHLEY: 15 feet and then--

MATT: There's a 15-foot cliff and then it's a slide down into the heavy forest.

ASHLEY: Okay, wait, because I'm me, I can jump. I can do a Mirthful Leap down to that part.

MATT: Yes, you can.

ASHLEY: I'll go down that part and then I'm going to Plinko drop it in, into this part. (laughs)

MATT: Okay.

SAM: "What's that lady doing over there? Oh my god!"

(laughter)

TRAVIS: She just Mirthfully Leaped off the cliff there.

ASHLEY: I'll jump down and try to slime it down.

MATT: Okay.

AABRIA: It's the waggle for me. Can you do that one more time?

MATT: Slithers down the snow like-- Slides into a snowbank and vanishes and underneath snow.

ASHLEY: (whispers) You've got this.

MATT: Do you stay and watch?

ASHLEY: Well, I'm going to jump back up to the top of the cliff.

MATT: Leap back up, and around that time, the snowbank explodes and the creature has now returned to its size. Immediately eyes towards you and turns.

SAM: Oh god!

MATT: Begins to climb up the side of the cliff towards you. What do you do?

SAM, AABRIA, and ASHLEY: (laugh)

ASHLEY: I'm going to run.

(laughter)

MATT: All right, movement speed is?

SAM: Oh god.

ASHLEY: 35 feet.

MATT: 35 feet, it has a climb and movement speed of 40.

ASHLEY: I'm going to double... I'm going to double it. I'm going to book it.

MATT: You're going to double it? It's going to do the same. You're running and it's slowly gaining on you as it--

ASHLEY: Open the gates! Open the gates!

(laughter)

MATT: You're running from this massive--

ASHLEY: It's right behind me!

(laughter)

MATT: You run towards the gates. It starts moving closer. It's gaining!

ASHLEY: Faster, faster! Close it faster!

(laughter)

MATT: At which point, (impacts) it pulls back (screeches), and the Glassblades have these large ballista and many of them that are pointed up with--

ASHLEY: Kill it!

MATT: -- heavy crossbows. As you're shouting this, they just (arrows firing).

ASHLEY: No, no!

MATT: They pelt it, and the creature--

(laughter)

LAURA: My baby!

(laughter)

MATT: (impacts) (slowing footsteps)

TRAVIS: No!

MATT: You hear the sound--

SAM: My son!

MATT: You hear the Enya music kicks in. (high-pitched singing) It's like (footsteps) "Mom?"

(yelling and laughter)

ASHLEY: I fall to my knees.

AABRIA: Baby doves flying behind it.

TRAVIS: Yeah, definite pigeons.

MATT: (screeching) (impacts) (crackling)

SAM: Oh!

CHRISTIAN: It's a John Woo movie.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: You hear, "Mom?"

ASHLEY: I'm a terrible person. I'm going to start walking back.

(laughter)

MATT: As you walk back nonchalantly back towards the entrance of the city. You hear the Glassblades like-- "What the fuck was-?" "I have no idea." "That's not even supposed to be here!" "That's from--" "Wait, who's she?" And you descend into the city.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Close the gates!

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Close the gates, close the gates!

(laughter)

AABRIA: You walked out with a baby and got chased back by a monster.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: I'm going to make my way back to the toy store.

MATT: Okay, you're making your way. All right, the rest of you in the interim, feel like you've, aside from all the various trinkets and there are things within this bedroom that you can take, if you'd like. They will likely be discovered as taken. They're mainly just collectibles and hygiene products and all the various things that Drixlitch would have within his--

AABRIA: Does he have a good curly shampoo? Because I have a lot of texture.

MATT: Yeah, yeah, you can find one.

AABRIA: Yeah, I'll take that.

MATT: All right, cool.

AABRIA: He's not going to need it in super jail where we're going to put him.

MATT: (laughs) Super jail.

CHRISTIAN: I want the chair. I'm going to walk out the front with that emerald-green chair.

MATT: You're going to walk out with the chair? Okay.

CHRISTIAN: Oh yeah, don't pay me gold. I don't need gold. I want the chair.

MATT: Scraping across the ground as you push it, but hold on, I'm going to-- No, I'll make a few rolls here for the snares. Because they've been going up for a while here.

AABRIA: Oh.

MATT: Goddamn, they can't roll worth shit. The DC is 18 still, right?

ASHLEY: 18.

MATT: Yeah. All right, yeah, I'll say, at this point, you have enough time to find other means, searching about to try and capture them.

LAURA: See this cage right here, that looks like a nice cage.

MATT: Yeah, those are the cages they used to be in before the enchantment was broken on them and they were able to escape through the holes in the side.

TRAVIS: If the chests are mostly metal, we could use those.

MATT: You do find up here and within here, there are metal boxes that you can take the snare and essentially, within a short enough time, because I think, I'll do one more roll. No, double fours! Fuck me! Okay, it's fine. Those snares held really well for a 1st-level spell. With that and with the help of your telekinetic abilities, you manage to push the remaining elements of these firebugs into these metal containers and close it. Now rapidly upon closing it and latching them, they begin to heat up. You're having to hold them from a distant handle or put ropes around or something to hold them at a distance or it'll begin to burn your hands. But eventually you do emerge from the front door, not unlike holding the smoking trap outside of the hotel, holding two metal boxes that are glowing and heating with smoke rising off of the cables and constraints. You see the rest of the group are like-- People in the neighborhood who have been hearing all the commotion, watched a woman run out with a baby.

(laughter)

MATT: "What's that?" They're all whispering.

SAM: We came, we saw--

TRAVIS: We kicked its ass!

(laughter)

MATT: As Oltgar stands up. "My god, you actually did it (laughs). That is incredible, my goodness."

AABRIA: Sorry, go ahead.

MATT: "So thank you so much for your diligence and--"

TRAVIS: You cheery son of a bitch.

(gasping)

MATT: "Chetney Pock O'Pea." He immediately lifts up his left hand and looks at it and you can see there's a notable scar on the back and the front of the hand.

TRAVIS: Why don't we step inside and talk a little business?

MATT: Glances about at the rest of the troop. Make a persuasion check with advantage because you did just do a gig for him.

LAURA: You're going to want to hear this.

TRAVIS: That's not performance, 14, 15.

MATT: Clenches his fist and sets it back on the side of his hip. "Well, I guess since you've already done me a solid, let's catch up."

TRAVIS: I open the door.

MATT: Okay, steps inside, looks around. "Oh no."

AABRIA: That'll mend right out. Don't worry about it. Just reach up and start doing little Mending on some of the scorch marks. It's fine.

MATT: "Oh, thank you kindly."

AABRIA: Yeah, I got it. I got it.

TRAVIS: All right, here's the score. We left on some pretty rough grounds. I might have stabbed you in the hand. I don't know if you remember.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: But listen, I guess I'm sorry and stuff, but not really. I'm kind of sorry. You taught me a lot. Those hands are capable of making some incredible pieces of art, but I was really upset because you forgot that! You forgot that what we do is rare! It doesn't matter if people don't love it. Things come back into fashion, and sometimes you just have to be patient. Drixlitch is a son of a bitch, Dicks Licks. And... I just wanted you to know that he is screwing you over. And we produce some of the documents.

LAURA: I'm going to put the documents on the table in front of him.

AABRIA: You're doing great, Chetty, keep going.

TRAVIS: Listen, we both know you didn't have much of a mind for business while you were doing this. You're an artiste, okay? But you're all wrapped up in some dark shit. Kids are working on stuff in Shadycreek Run. There are some debts in there, and I think, back me up, Imogen, it looks like there have been some forgeries where he was going to try to (throat slitting) and take over the whole shop and all of its assets.

LAURA: I back him up. He's telling the truth.

TRAVIS: Here's my suggestion. This isn't you. I know you love making toys and I know you love filling children's hearts with joy. I do, too. But now you're in the shit. My suggestion would be to give him the shop, sell everything to him, and then go somewhere else and start somewhere new. He's not going to be able to climb out of this. He's only going to take you down with him, or kill you to get there. You could go anywhere, and people would love the toys that you make. You could have a shop an eighth of the size and people would come from all over because they're things of beauty.

MATT: He slumps down onto a stool, listening to this. Pulls out a scarf, wipes his sweaty brow.

TRAVIS: You got that laugh that everybody likes. You always like to tell kids whether they've been shitheads or... they're okay.

(laughter)

MATT: He looks up at the wall, at the "Shithead and Okay" list, and goes--

(laughter)

MATT: "The parents really seem to resonate with this one."

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Keeps getting longer and longer.

SAM: I hope I was okay this year!

TRAVIS: My advice would be to get as far away from this place as you can. Drixlitch has some stuff coming to him. I don't want to see you pulled down with him. This is also kind of your only warning.

LAURA: I'm going to ask you, though, you didn't know about this stuff, did you? Were you aware of the kids in Shadycreek? I'm going to cast Detect Thoughts as I ask him that.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MATT: Okay. Are you just getting surface thoughts, or delving deep?

LAURA: I'm going to delve deep.

MATT: Okay. Natural 19.

SAM: Ooh.

MATT: The steel trap that is Oltgar's mind keeps your prying will at bay. You do see a glint in his eye as he--

LAURA: Oh, it's back.

MATT: -- takes notice. Goes, "This is the first I've heard about it. I'm-- Genuinely heartbroken to know that the name that I've worked so hard to build after all this time has been used for such terrible means."

SAM: Does he seem honest?

MATT: Make an insight check.

TRAVIS: Assist!

AABRIA: Guidance!

SAM: Terrible. 10.

MATT: Bah!

AABRIA: Sometimes you just word vomit a thing out.

LAURA: Do I get any-- I don't even get surface thoughts if I try to delve deep.

MATT: Surface thought is-- You dive deep. Surface thoughts you can gather are just gauging who the hell you people are and why Chetney has returned so forgiving, as he's absentmindedly rubbing the scar on his hand. What'd you roll for insight?

TRAVIS: It's crap.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: 11.

MATT: "Well, I-- I've had many years to look at the mistake that I made, wandering from the path of the true craftsman. This is a terrible, metal, twisted temple to that mistake. I lost my way. Don't think there hasn't been a day in recent times that I don't look at this scar you gave me and don't think that I deserve it. I think you're right, I haven't been happy here in a long time, and honestly, neither have our employees." He puts his hand on the papers that you set down and goes, "Maybe it's time I let them know that their skills are better earned elsewhere. Maybe I pick up and find my own path."

TRAVIS: I think that would be wise. Also, you can have some of this stuff. Show him the prototypes.

SAM: Bzzt. (squelching)

TRAVIS: If it's interesting. I know some of this stuff can be replicated with wood, if the person knows how to use it!

LAURA: Are you saying you don't?

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: Huh? I was just thinking you meant the horse.

TRAVIS: It moves, okay? It walks.

LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: (laughs)

MATT: "Could certainly try and take inspiration from some of these, but I don't know, I've had some ideas in the early morning. Things I've wanted to apply to a nice block of oiled mahogany or, I don't know, maybe some fine polished taiga wood or--"

CHRISTIAN: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Keep going, daddio.

MATT: "I've lost my way, Chetney."

TRAVIS: You have! That's like music to my ears!

MATT: Reaches out, grabs your tiny hand in his massive dwarven mitts, goes, "I am so sorry."

TRAVIS: You fucked up.

MATT: "I done messed up."

TRAVIS: Yeah. (struggling) I forgive-- I for--

MATT: "Don't. I haven't earned it. (gasping)

MATT: "Maybe in time."

TRAVIS: Fair.

MATT: I'll say about this time, you return.

ASHLEY: Baby's dead. (laughter)

TRAVIS: After all that?

MATT: "What?"

SAM: It's a good thing, it's a good thing. Don't worry.

CHRISTIAN: Giant spider.

LAURA: It was not--

MATT: "Probably best I don't know any more."

ASHLEY: Tried.

MATT: "Okay, well." He pats the papers again. "Do you need me to take care of this?"

SAM: The money?

TRAVIS: I think we can take care of some of this. Just make a deal with Drixlitch whenever he comes back. I will be keeping an eye on him. You have two days. Then, I want you out of this city.

MATT: Make an intimidation check with advantage.

AABRIA: Yeah, let's go! Guidance.

TRAVIS: Natural 20!

MATT: Yeah! For a total of?

TRAVIS: Guidance is a d4? 24.

MATT: 24. "Two days. Well, how much did he promise you? 500 apiece?"

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

SAM: We don't need it. We're fine.

AABRIA: Do not listen to them.

CHRISTIAN: I just want the chair.

LAURA: It's his money and he's not going to--

TRAVIS: He's going to come into a fair amount of money. He's going to sell the rest of the store, so we should take our cut.

MATT: "I'm not taking it from my cut."

AABRIA: My man!

MATT: He goes and wanders off behind the clerk desk and pulls himself out a key and unlocks what looks to be this hidden alcove underneath with a lockbox chest. He opens it up and starts rummaging through and counting out coins before handing over-- "400 platinum for the lot of you?"

SAM: How? What?

MATT: 400 platinum.

SAM: 400 platinum?

TRAVIS: That sounds very generous.

CHRISTIAN: That's going to buy you some nice clothes, Imogen.

MATT: Goes and tosses-- that's 4,000 gold total.

SAM: That's a lot!

MATT: For you to disseminate.

LAURA: So 500 gold each.

AABRIA: You're bad at math.

SAM: Is it? Five times--

LAURA: It's more than that?

AABRIA: Yeah, he threw in an extra thousand.

LAURA: What!?

AABRIA: Hey, are you being kind, or are you just incredibly bad at math?

MATT: "(laughs) Who knows?"

AABRIA: You little cutie! I grab him by the extremely rosy cheek.

TRAVIS: You have some left over, right?

MATT: "This is the shop's money. Won't be my shop anytime soon, so put it to good use."

TRAVIS: Do me a favor, go up to the Gruffside Livery at the top of the disc, maybe get, I don't know, seven or eight goats and a used sleigh and make sure you get your ass out of town.

AABRIA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Maybe a ninth, but make sure it knows its way.

AABRIA: Get out. Leave.

SAM: It's foggy out there.

TRAVIS: Foggy as fuck.

AABRIA: You have to leave.

(laughter)

SAM: I hope you get off the shit list, sir.

MATT: "I think I'm going to do that."

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: "I don't know, maybe it's time I didn't settle down, wandered and made toys for all the kids of Exandria."

TRAVIS: I mean, you do you. That's a bit of a fucking reach. I'm not going to put any ideas in your head.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Why don't you go north? Just go way north?

MATT: "Why? What's north?"

TRAVIS: Just a bunch of calm, unsettled land. I hear Eiselcross is beautiful this time of year.

AABRIA: Ooh, I do not like it there.

MATT: Runs his fingers through his big white beard and goes, "Hm. Cold, solitary."

LAURA: So stupid.

AABRIA: I hate it.

(laughter)

AABRIA: This is so important.

MATT: "What do you call your friends?"

TRAVIS: We're the Bells Hells.

MATT: "Well, Bells Hells, thank you for all you've done. (sighs) I guess I have two days to gather my things." Stands up and leads you all outside. "Well, I wish you all well. And to, well-- To all--"

AABRIA: Don't you do it.

MATT: "A good day!"

AABRIA: No!

(laughter)

AABRIA: No!

SAM: Well.

(laughter)

SAM: Guess we got to go, too.

TRAVIS: Fearne, can you do me a favor? I think we're going to take these documents. We got plans for Drixlitch, but can you burn the desk that it was in?

ASHLEY: (flames whooshing)

TRAVIS: (screams) Wait until we're out of the house! We'll let it cook a little. It's really fine wood. It's unfortunate. Do you smell that? That is lacquer free. That is just it in its purest form. Really, some of the best stuff you can have. It's good for your skin.

ASHLEY: Smells great.

TRAVIS: We should probably put it out.

ASHLEY: Do want me to burn anything else?

TRAVIS: No, just that. It's actually starting to spread. Would you mind?

ASHLEY: Put it out?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I don't know how.

TRAVIS: What are you talking about? Your monkey-- Wait, what?

MATT: The tabard's starting to burn.

TRAVIS: (screams) I start hitting with a blanket, putting it out.

MATT: Takes you a few minutes.

CHRISTIAN: Mr. Pock O'Pea. I saved you some. I'll open the jacket, and there's some pieces of good wood in there.

TRAVIS: That's very thoughtful, FRIDA.

CHRISTIAN: You reconciled.

TRAVIS: I feel myself struck by inspiration. Tonight, this one has your name on it. I'll put it in my harness.

LAURA: Took him a really long time to make anything for us. He said he was going to do it, and he just didn't for a really--

TRAVIS: You don't rush shit, Imogen!

LAURA: 666 gold each.

SAM: That a nice, ominous amount.

TRAVIS: 666?

SAM: Here, you take my amount.

TRAVIS: Really?

SAM: I don't keep money.

MATT: Uh-oh.

TRAVIS: Why not?

SAM: I never do.

AABRIA: What if you get hungry?

SAM: Someone gives me something.

AABRIA: Okay.

SAM: Well, come on, Imogen. On, FRIDA.

AABRIA: No!

SAM: On, Mister and Fearne. On, Chetney. On, Deanna.

TRAVIS: What?

SAM: On, myself. We'll watch it burn.

(laughter)

SAM: To the bottom of the citadel, to the top of the wall.

AABRIA: 'Til the sweat drops down--

ASHLEY: 'Til the sweat drops down!

(laughter)

AABRIA: My girl! Yes!

TRAVIS: Yes! Yes!

ASHLEY: My balls!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Not where we're supposed to go!

MATT: As you all scoot, scoot, scoot your way down the Auger Trail--

(laughter)

MATT: Your brief venture here at the heavily damaged D&O Toy Emporium, you begin to trek deeper, deeper within the mountain to your noonday gathering with the king and queen of the Diarchy of Uthodurn. We'll pick up there next week.

(cheering)

ASHLEY: Yes!

SAM: This episode releases in December, right?

(laughter)

MATT: If only.

LAURA: Matt, when you were like, "Do you go in there now? All right."

MATT: Okay, let's do it. Let's go, awesome. That was fun.

ASHLEY: That was so much fun.

MATT: Pick up here next week. Thank you all for joining us. We love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night.