Transcript:Somewhere Out There

Pre-show
MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

ALL: (garbled) We play Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT and TRAVIS: (laugh)

MATT: Our first sponsor is Nintendo with their new game, The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. Sam?

SAM: Thanks, Matt. Everyone at CR is excited about Tears of the Kingdom, the brand new Breath of the Wild sequel that is an amazing leap forward in the series. Ow...

MARISHA: (laughs)

SAM: Rediscover an expanded and transformed Hyrule with new abilities that test your creativity. (breathes heavily) Glimpse ancient events that lead up to the upheaval and build creative solutions to traverse three layers of Hyrule, solving puzzles like never before. Ow. Ow. Ow.

MATT: Sam? Sam? Are you okay?

SAM: I'm fine, Matt, just need a little water.

MATT: That's actually really--

TALIESIN: Surprisingly well--

TRAVIS: Oh!

TALIESIN: Oh.

MATT: What? What happened to you?

SAM: Well, I was so stoked about Tears of the Kingdom that I wanted to cosplay as Link. I even did my own makeup for tonight, but it was a pollen-based makeup, and my face had a little reaction. It's kind of red. I'm embarrassed.

MATT: Oh, no, no, I mean, we're all friends here. How bad can it be? Just take off the wrapping, I'm sure you'll look great.

SAM: Really? You think so?

LIAM: No one's watching.

MATT: Yeah. Marisha, you want to maybe give him a hand here?

MARISHA: I don't want to--

TRAVIS and LAURA: Oh!

TALIESIN: Oh god!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Oh god! No!

TRAVIS: (gagging)

ASHLEY: Put that away!

SAM: How do I look?

TRAVIS: It smells!

ASHLEY: There's a lot of pus.

MATT: Go home!

LAURA: Put it back on!

ASHLEY: Put it away!

SAM: Well, it looks like I'm going to have a lot of time to try out the must-play sequel to one of the most highly acclaimed games in the last decade. Master your imagination as you save a transformed Hyrule. Tears of the Kingdom available now for Nintendo Switch. Guys, do you feel that? Should the air hurt?

MATT: I don't think it's supposed to. I think that's--

TALIESIN: Put something on that, or--

MATT: A bad thing.

LIAM: Get some Bacitracin, maybe.

TRAVIS: A steroid.

SAM: I'll go to the hospital, but don't forget to check out our Tears of the Kingdom one-shot, but Matt will talk about that more in a bit. I'm going to pass out right now, Matt, back to you.

TALIESIN: Oh wow. That made a thunder.

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: Okay, um, well--

MARISHA: This isn't a workman's comp thing, right?

MATT: Our second sponsor for the night is D&D Beyond.

ALL: ♪ D&D Beyond! ♪

MATT: Be the hero of-- (laughs)

LIAM: Sorry, we're a little emotional.

MATT: I know, I could tell. Be the hero of your table with a free D&D Beyond subscription trial. Get exclusive access to monthly subscription perks to personalize your play. Share your D&D books with your party and make unlimited character spots to bring all your character ideas to life-- Sam, no!

LAURA: (yells)

TALIESIN: Oh god!

ASHLEY: Oh my gosh! Do not! That's disgusting.

MATT: Start your 30 day free trial today at dndbeyond.link/crsub--

ASHLEY: I knew he was there and it still scared me.

MATT: dndbeyond.link/crsub As our wonderful, swollen Riegel here said, we have a special thing coming up.

MARISHA: Swole-iegel?

MATT: Our Swiegel.

LAURA: Oh, Swiegel.

MATT: Please join us for a special The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom one-shot sponsored by our friends at Nintendo. I'll be running the game with wonderful players Marisha Ray, Liam O'Brien, and guests Emily Axford, Omar Najam, Robbie Daymond, and I can't wait for you to check it out. This one-shot airs Tuesday, May 30th at 7:00pm Pacific on Twitch and YouTube, so come and check it out. Super excited! Marisha, you got something to talk about?

MARISHA: Oh goodness.

TRAVIS: So stoked.

MARISHA: Candela Obscura premieres in one week.

(cheering)

MARISHA: It's as terrifying as that! Maybe not as scary, actually. But it's a horror game.

SAM: Am I distracting this Candela news?

MARISHA: No, you're fine. I'm a professional.

LAURA: I kind of like the hair with your features.

TRAVIS: No, what?

LAURA: Oh, it's on the neck.

MARISHA: It's all over you, why is it oozing?

LIAM: Oh, look at his neck!

TRAVIS: Is your eyelid glued shut?

ASHLEY: I don't like it at all.

TALIESIN: Did something actually happen?

SAM: (shouts) Candela Obscura!

MARISHA: Yes! If you want to see primal terrors, such as Sam Riegel's face and other cosmic nightmares, tune in next Thursday, May 25th at 7:00pm Pacific and follow Laura Bailey, Ashley Johnson, Robbie Daymond, Anjali Bhimani, and our fantastic GM Matthew Mercer. Through a terrifying and corruptive world where magic bleeds into mundane reality. We can't wait for you to see this new story and this Illuminated World in action and to help provide some context to the basic rules that we'll all be using, we'll be releasing a Candela Obscura quick-start guide.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

SAM: Cool!

MARISHA: So yeah, be on the lookout for that. You can check out all of the details over at critrole.com. Keep an eye out for a full how-to-play video coming next week.

TRAVIS: You're just distracting. Maybe you should just-- You should go. (laughs)

(laughter)

MARISHA: We have--

TALIESIN: Thank you, Travis.

(laughter)

MARISHA: I'm going to say it one more time for everyone who was staring at his face. We have a quick-start guide and a how-to-play video coming next week on Candela Obscura, and we have so much more in store in this new, exciting adventure and yeah, we're so excited to finally share it with you guys because it's been a long time coming!

TRAVIS: Yay!

TALIESIN: Yeah!

MATT: Thank you, Marisha. Liam and Taliesin, you got a quick announcement as well?

TALIESIN: Still burned in my retinas. Hey y'all! Our Chronicles of Exandria Art Book: Volume One is now available in the CR shops, Darrington Press Guild stores, and other friendly local game stores that you know.

(cheering)

MARISHA: It's back, baby!

LIAM: It's actually received a minor refresh. It's got five pieces of new-to-the-book artwork and we are jazzed to bring it-- We've been talking about this for years, to bring it back to you guys. So hopefully you all enjoy.

TALIESIN: Yes.

MATT: Hell yeah.

LIAM: Find it soon.

TRAVIS: Woo! Love it!

ASHLEY: I like it a lot.

MATT: All righty. Well, I believe with that, our announcements are concluded, so let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role. (shouting)

Part I
MATT: And welcome back. So last we left off with this half of Bells Hells.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

MATT: You, with your troop of found family, had plunged into the dangerous realm of the Hellcatch Valley in chase of Ludinus Da'leth and the Ruby Vanguard as they attempted to utilize the Apogee Solstice to some terrifying degree in locking onto the red moon of Ruidus, in hopes of releasing the terrifying predator of the gods. You, along with your friends, managed to circumvent some of the scope of what you thought might transpire, hopefully, but your airship rained down, destroying a number of the Vanguard in its own wake. A number of other ships begin to arrive as you watched as your leader, the Voice of the Tempest was brought low by Otohan Thull and before a death blow could be delivered, some dark guardian rushed in to protect her. This guardian, part of Ludinus' plan was then drawn, compressed, and turned into a lens for his device, and the last thing you remember was all of the surrounding Ruidus-born granting their unintentional energy towards this climactic blast up to the red moon, and then a bright white light engulfed you all, and you awoke in a strange land, still at night beneath the starry sky, the shifting tethers of the Apogee Solstice leylines still visual and multicolored across multiple directions of the sky, like an extended lattice or weave. You don't have much light around you, beyond what little bit of starlight seems to cascade in the space. What you do see and smell is you found yourselves scattered a bit amongst the climbing cliffs of some sort of a geothermal gorge. You can see splashes of color where deposits of elements and minerals have gathered over who knows how long, but the heavy sulfurous smell itself is overpowering at times. You can hear the bursting of steam from directions beyond your current light source and eyesight. You eventually come together, finding the three of you and no one else.

LIAM: I can't feel my feet, let's role play.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: Orym skitters down 10 or 15 feet from the outcropping he was on to get down between the two taller friends.

MARISHA: Where are we?

TALIESIN: Where's everybody else?

MARISHA: Where is Imogen?

LIAM: We're in the dark, right, so--

MATT: You are.

LIAM: We can't see anybody from here, can we?

MARISHA: It's just us.

LIAM: I know we looked around--

MATT: Make a perception check with advantage though because it's dark at night, it'd be at disadvantage, so just the singular roll.

LIAM: So I want to look both for our friends, or anybody, and I see the line of red from Ruidus down over that mountain range. I'm trying to guesstimate how many miles away we are.

MATT: Okay, well, perception check to look for people.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: It would be a nature or survival check to try and ascertain how far you are from that body.

LIAM: All right, let's do it. All right, I'll handle right here, first. That's 20. Dirty 20.

MATT: 20. Dirty 20 on a perception check. You can pick up... First off, you can barely make out the gorge stumbling a few hundred feet further down before it begins to even out. This gorge, the rock is jagged, it is sharp in places, it has been flecked through erosion, broken stones have caused edges to be glass-like in places where others are a little more worn with time and weather from what you can tell. But it's a few hundred feet down to the base of the gorge, and even glancing the other way, it's a few hundred feet climbing the other direction to try and get out of it. You're not certain which direction you're facing other than the direction of the red moon, but even without knowing where you are, you're not entirely certain how that connotes which way is north and which way is south.

MARISHA: So you're saying we're not entirely sure if we even need to go up or down? We're just in the middle of a gorge?

MATT: You're along a cliff side of a gorge with no light.

LIAM: Right, and no idea if it's safer above or below.

MARISHA: Up or down.

MARISHA: And there's a big crevasse in between us? The gorge is between us and the direction of the beam of the moon?

MATT: Where you are now, you are all sitting on the edge of the cliff, like an outcropping of it. There's climbing up, and then there's descending further down.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

LIAM: Right, so we're on a slope part of it somewhere?

MATT: Correct. The little faint bit of Ruidus and that red thread that carries it anchored on the horizon is deep on the horizon, you can barely see it and it looks to be the left direction. If you're facing out into the expanse of the gorge that descends, you're not certain how far away it opens, you can't really see the rest of it, you just see it vanish into darkness. It's to the left direction of you.

LIAM: And that beam is really far away and small in our eye line?

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Survival. 18.

MATT: 18. Not too bad, not too bad. Now looking up and trying to ascertain the constellations, the stars in the sky, you're not entirely certain where you are, but you can pick up at the very least based on where that moon is and where you're not, that's likely to the south.

MARISHA: Likely to the south.

MATT: Ruidus is likely to the south.

MARISHA: We still have the map. Should we look at the map?

LIAM: Do we have the map?

MARISHA: We do. It was in the hole.

LIAM: Oh, we have-- Right. Ashton's got the hole.

MARISHA: I've got the maps now, bitch.

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: All right. This is where we were. This is was the excavation point.

LIAM: And the city was to the south of it, roughly.

MARISHA: Yes. Yeah, this theoretically is where the moon is. So if it's to the south, we are...

LIAM: We're up--

MARISHA: Either in the Rumedam Desert, up toward the Oderan Wilds, we could be anywhere.

LIAM: You said that the moon and its laser pointer were slightly off to the left?

MATT: If you're facing out into the gorge opening, it's to the left of where you are.

LIAM: Okay. And with a survival check, did I think that the light and Ruidus were to the south?

MATT: Correct. Of where you currently stand.

LIAM: Okay. Okay so. Off the map maybe. Or--

MARISHA: Yeah. I don't see anything. Would I know of a location of a giant canyon or a gorge in--

MATT: Make a history check.

MARISHA: Just a straight history check?

MATT: Straight history check.

MARISHA: 18.

MATT: 18. Not too bad. There are a number of gorges, chasms throughout Exandria. As far as something this large, especially with this type of mineral and geothermal setup. 18's not too bad, actually. You know that there are a handful of places that could mark this sort of elemental chaos, that burns up from underneath on this scale.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: There is in Wildemount, in the Truscan Vale, there is a mountain range that a portion of the landscape there has heavy geothermal activity. You also know that there is, near the Panagrip Sands, which is on the far eastern side of Marquet, there is a series of a cracked canyon that has been known to have some intense geothermal activity at some times during the year.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: There is, in the central region of Issylra, a location called the Spectrum Gorge that also has a a deep amount of geothermal activity.

MARISHA: Issylra. Does it make sense that we would be-- If we can still see the moon, that would mean we'd be on an entirely other continent outside Marquet?

LIAM: I would think that, yeah.

MATT: With that information, and with your survival roll and how far and low the moon is on the horizon, it's possible.

LIAM: That we're on a different continent?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: We don't even know how long we've been unconscious.

MARISHA: I relay this information. There's the Truscan Vale in Wildemount, but that seems odd. Panagrip Sands--

LIAM: Orym crashes down and sits on his butt in the dirt.

TALIESIN: Can you--

MARISHA: Issylra?

TALIESIN: Can you hear anybody in your head?

MARISHA: I close my eyes, just concentrate on Imogen and whisper her name in my mind's eye.

MATT: In the stillness, you hear the nearby (hissing) of steam geysers and feel the occasional rumble beneath the rock of your feet, but no response, no voice, no Imogen.

MARISHA: I don't sense her at all. What-- What happened? They were, it's like they were trying to... Everyone was trying to assimilate. What if she's gone? What if she's not here anymore? What if, what if they killed her?

LIAM: Hold on, hold on, hold on. You're not hurt?

TALIESIN: Not any more than before--

MARISHA: I hadn't thought about it. Are we hurt?

MATT: I mean, you are as injured as you were towards the end of your row with Ludinus and the rest of the Ruby Vanguard.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: When I died, when we were in Bassuras, didn't you all say that Imogen-- The white light that we all saw, was that similar to what she did before, but on a much grander scale?

TALIESIN: Yeah. This was-- I don't know. This felt different. I don't-- I don't know.

LIAM: Hold on, hold on. I'll pull out two sending stones. Caleb Widogast, are you all right? Where are you? Not sure we're even in Marquet anymore. Please respond.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a d100 for me, if you don't mind.

MARISHA: Ooh!

LIAM: 75.

MATT: 75. As you speak into this stone, the words that you press into this temporarily released enchantment, the echo begins to feedback louder and louder and the stone seems to almost shake in your hand before you have to drop it. It clatters, not stumbling off the cliff, you manage to catch it afterward, but you get the sense that the Sending spell didn't find its recipient.

LIAM: Shit. Okay, well, I got another one. Hold on. Dorian? Can you hear me? What's the sky look like where you are? Tell me you're okay.

MATT: Roll a d100 for me.

LIAM: Oh shit. 53.

MATT: 53. Similar to how the last one did, the echo begins to feedback on itself again. Do you wish to try and hold onto the stone this time?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: You clutch it in your grasp and your whole arm begins to shake as you hear your own voice echoing back and causing more and more of the ripples within itself. Expanding and expanding, loudly, loudly. It almost begins to hurt the inside of your mind for a second. The rest of you don't hear anything. You watch the stone begin to shake, and Orym tensing while clutching it before eventually it fades.

TALIESIN: (smirks)

(laughs)

MARISHA: Why are you laughing, Ashton?

TALIESIN: Look at this. This is fucking funny.

LIAM: Don't drop it, please.

TALIESIN: This is fucking funny. I'm going to walk the fuck away and I'm going to start--

MARISHA: Careful there's--

TALIESIN: -- beating the fuck out of the closest piece of rock that I can find with--

MARISHA: It's a dark cliff. Please don't fall into it.

MATT: (stones clattering)

TALIESIN: I'm away from the fucking cliff.

LIAM: There's nothing happening at the sound of that is there?

MATT: It's a heavy echo.

LIAM: Approaching, coming? Yeah.

TALIESIN: All right.

MARISHA: I'm going to start sending messages just in case it's not far, but in case they're on a cliff that we can't see. I'm going to send a message first. I already tried Imogen. but to Chetney.

MATT: No response.

TALIESIN: I will sit the fuck down.

MARISHA: Fearne.

MATT: No response.

MARISHA: I don't know. FCG, one last chance.

MATT: No response.

MARISHA: Ashton, what do you want?

TALIESIN: (sighs) Just, needed to feel a little better.

LIAM: Okay, well, we can't stay here. We'll starve or something. Up or down?

TALIESIN: Might as well flip a coin. I don't even fucking know. How bad does up look?

MATT: It looks as treacherous as down does, just in an upward motion.

MARISHA: We can't see the bottom?

MATT: You cannot see the bottom of the gorge from where you stand, no. But you can see the stars above and you can see the gentle waves of the colored leyline bits of energy that shift and move ever so faintly, like distant drifting river currents through the sky.

MARISHA: I still have Pâté, correct?

MATT: You do.

MARISHA: I'm going to pull him out.

MATT: "Hey, hey."

MARISHA: Are you all right?

MATT: "Yeah, I think I'm okay. Not too bad, aye?"

MARISHA: Do you have any recollection of what just happened?

MATT: "It got kind of crazy, didn't it? It just sort of went white, and flashy and stuff and now we're all just in a weird place, but, you know, I'm used to just riding along with it."

MARISHA: That's fair. I need you to scout for us, if you wouldn't mind.

MATT: "Yeah, cool."

MARISHA: You have your darkvision, right?

MATT: "Oh, I do." You can see within the crevices of the bird's skull that is attached to this necromantic construction of yours, within that void, there's a slight blue, purple energy that flashes.

MARISHA: Try going down first.

MATT: "Yeah, sure. I can do that." (creaking rip) The ribs tear out of the center of the body forming the odd bat wings and (fluttering).

MARISHA: Laudna's eyes also gloss over white, little tint of that blue sheen. I hold on to Orym's shoulder because vertigo on this cliff face.

MATT: (laughs) As you ride through your own miniature drone VR experience.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MATT: Pâté is--

MARISHA: Ventures over California.

MATT: Exactly. Cruises through and down past the edges. You can see there are these spires that climb up created from who knows how many centuries of mineral buildup. There are these steam plumes and heavy toxic fumes that pour out of cracks of nearby opened, subterranean, elemental rivers that burst and collect down below. There's no color to his vision in the darkvision. You can just see the textures, and the forms, and the bits of bubbling and boiling liquid that you can see gathered in pools of extremely hot liquid. Clamoring down, make a perception check for Pâté for me, if you don't mind.

MARISHA: Paté's perception?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: It won't let me see that. That's his wisdom, right?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Come on, familiar.

MATT: ♪ Wisdom modifier ♪

MARISHA: He has dark-- Oh, not his passive perception, just a straight roll.

MATT: Correct. Roll and add the wisdom.

MARISHA: Hmm, it's an eight.

MATT: Eight.

LIAM: That's a familiar.

MATT: All right.

(laughter)

MATT: Eventually skitters down to what he thinks would be the lowest portion of this part of the gorge. It's about a 400-foot descent, mostly sheer cliffs and drops with occasional smooth declines. Pretty treacherous. But upon getting towards the bottom, you can see there are multitudes of different levels of pools that are giving off acidic fume, and some that are boiling with heavy, thick mud (thick liquid squelching).

MARISHA: All right. I'll tell him in his head: That looks awful. Head on up.

MATT: "Yeah, right, coming on back." (flapping) Gathers up to join you.

MARISHA: I send him up.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Once he gets back. To scout.

MATT: (whooshing) Cruises by. It's about 150 to 200 feet until the lip of the gorge is accessible. Still a dangerous climb, but not impossible. As Pâté begins to catch up to the edge, there is a ring of extremely dense flora, a forest or jungle-like cluster of growth that seems to have heavily affixed itself to the mineral rich earth and soil, on the outside of this gorge. So right as you come up to the lip, on the edge of it, there is a thick cluster of forest that seems to surround it on all sides.

MARISHA: All right, well down looks like death. Bubbling geysers, hot liquids, very bad. I think we should go up.

TALIESIN: Less likely to get ambushed.

LIAM: I do, too. We don't know where we are, but I mean, the only thing we can do is head towards that. Motioning at the moon.

MARISHA: The moon.

LIAM: So maybe if we get to the top and go around the edge and start heading that way if we can.

MARISHA: All right.

TALIESIN: Do we have some rope? Probably in the--

LIAM: Always. I have rope.

MARISHA: You have rope. All right.

LIAM: How shitty a climb are we looking at above us?

MATT: There are-- It's not impossible by any means, and there are safer routes than others, but a lot of the rock here, it's hard to tell until you're at it how strong or fragile it is. A lot of the edges are pretty sharp. The makeup of the particular rock and the way that it's either eroded, or crumbled or recently broke and fell in there, tends to be jagged at certain points. So it's not easy.

MARISHA: I have my immovable rod.

LIAM: Oh.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

MARISHA: Perhaps I can give it to you. You can maybe get a bit of a head start and we can keep moving it up with the rope tied to it that way.

LIAM: That's a great call.

TALIESIN: Put you in the middle.

MARISHA: All right, I've got Feather Fall in case there's any emergencies.

TALIESIN: No, that may actually mean--

LIAM: Do we maybe want to put--

TALIESIN: You in the back then.

LIAM: You in the middle?

TALIESIN: If you've got Feather Fall.

MARISHA: And me at the end.

LIAM: If you go tumbling down--

MARISHA: I can catch you.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Yeah, let's not lose anybody else on this.

MARISHA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: That's great.

MARISHA: This day sucks!

TALIESIN: (laughs)

LIAM: Yeah. So how's this thing work?

MARISHA: It's just a little button at the end. Click it in a place and it won't move.

LIAM: Oh.

MARISHA: Quite handy.

LIAM: Weird. (sighs) All right, well.

MARISHA: Do your boots still work?

LIAM: I try to leap up the canyon face 10 feet.

MATT: (whooshing)

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Right.

LIAM: All right, I'm going to try to go up 30 or 40 feet. All right, I will with rod and rope, and I'll tie the rope for now around my waist while I do my flea jumping.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Leap up.

MATT: All right. I will say for you all to climb the side of this cliff with this setup, let's go ahead and do a group athletics check for me, if you don't mind.

MARISHA: Athletics?

MATT: Athletics, yeah.

LIAM: Does it help if Orym is mountain-goating up and then tying the rope to an immovable rod so that we have a-- it's essentially like putting a--

MATT: Yeah. It's adjusted the DC to a lower DC.

LIAM: Awesome. Understood.

MATT: But it's still a test.

MARISHA: And I can't--

TALIESIN: Does Earth Walk help at all?

MATT: Earth Walk, for you?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: You can walk through the gorge (laughs).

MARISHA: I can't use acrobatics?

MATT: No.

MARISHA: No? All right.

MATT: Sorry. (laughs)

LIAM: Oh, this is athletics?

MATT: This is athletics.

LIAM: That's not as good.

TALIESIN: So yeah, Earth Walk will also give some sort of advantage to this, or?

MATT: Yeah, yeah. If you want to expend it.

TALIESIN: Actually, it's not expendable, it's just a thing.

MATT: Let's see here.

TALIESIN: "You can move across difficult terrain made of earth or stone without expending extra movement--"

MATT: Correct. So yeah.

TALIESIN: But, yeah.

MATT: So say for this I'll give you an advantage on your roll for this.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's nice.

MATT: Okay, so?

TALIESIN: That's all I wanted to hear.

MARISHA: Five.

MATT: Proud five, perfect.

LIAM: 16.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: I mean, that tracks.

MARISHA: Yeah, dislocated a shoulder.

TALIESIN: 24.

MATT: 24.

MARISHA: First lift. Ka-ah!

MATT: (laughs) While you were there to catch Ashton the entire way, you thankfully just caught yourself, pop out of the socket as you dangle there.

MARISHA: It's all right. Pops back in.

TALIESIN: Come on.

MATT: But slowly one by one, you begin to climb up the side of the cliff. As you progress up the side to the next major platform, there is a sound that begins to call your attention just as Laudna begins to clamor up off the side, a (low rumbling).

(sputtering)

LIAM: Direction?

MATT: About five feet from where you're standing.

LIAM: Oh! I'm the first one--

(forceful hissing)

LIAM: Yay!

MATT: A massive spout of extremely hot steam begins to spray out of the side of this. I need all three of you to make dexterity saving throws for me, please.

MARISHA: Oh.

LIAM: Not great.

MARISHA: Okay.

TALIESIN: I have advantage on this also?

MATT: You did, you did see her coming, so you do, it's barbarian.

TALIESIN: Yeah, okay good. So, yes. Phew.

LIAM: Just a dex save.

TALIESIN: 21.

MATT: You take six points of fire damage.

TALIESIN: Fuck a duck.

LIAM: 10 for me.

MATT: You take 12 points of fire damage from the steam, being proximity to it that makes sense. And you?

MARISHA: 16.

MATT: 16, you take six points of fire damage.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: I'd use Indomitable, but I'll save it.

MATT: You actually blocked most of it from your two companions as they climbed up. But you have a brightly stinging face now.

LIAM: Great.

MATT: (whooshing) It begins to--

LIAM: I'll look good in two days.

MATT: -- withdraw from the buildup of steam.

MARISHA: Do you think it turns into a tan?

LIAM: I think it turns into blisters.

TALIESIN: Does it look like a thing now that it's stopped doing that? Can we identify these things if we come across them again?

LIAM: Just a geyser went off there.

MATT: Yep, there are all number of small cracks and areas where you can see slight protrusions of mineral and little bits of steam and heat that rise out. So now that you've immediately seen one, it will help you in avoiding things that are of a similar sight as you move upward.

LIAM: Okay. Yeah. I'll start turning my 31 passive perception ears towards bubbling in the ground as we--

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm pretty sure if I get hit with too many of those my skin will just fall off.

LIAM: It's barely on there, already.

MARISHA: I know, exactly.

LIAM: Yeah. It'll just slough away.

MARISHA: It's not great, just slough off.

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

LIAM and MARISHA: Slough off.

MATT: Slough off.

LIAM: Want to have a slough off?

MARISHA: Slough on, slough off.

(laughter)

MATT: Continuing to climb using the same technique, you make it up two more ledges. As you reach up to the edge with the rod and push up carefully, looking around the space with your extremely, extremely well-honed passive perception, you see something moving in the shadow on this cliff.

LIAM: Okay, and this is the top, or this is--

MATT: You're about to climb, this isn't the top, This is 2/3 of the way up from where you began.

LIAM: Okay. Alive?

MATT: You see something shift in the shadows, like it's calling this cliff side home.

LIAM: I'm going to lower back down a foot or two.

MARISHA: Orym, my grip. Orym, the grip, it sucks.

LIAM: Click.

TALIESIN: I'm reaching down and pulling you up.

MARISHA: Oh, okay, thank god.

LIAM: Let's go that way. As I start to try to spider climb, not the spell, my way sideways.

MATT: All right, so you're all making a--

MARISHA: Oh my god, that's right, I have Spider Climb. I could've done that this whole time.

(laughter)

MARISHA: I haven't played this character in months!

(laughter)

MATT: Do you?

MARISHA: I do.

MATT: As you both carefully--

MARISHA: It's also it's a 2nd-level spell, though, and I am a little tapped, so I don't want to spend it unless I have to.

MATT: Okay, so you're holding off for now?

MARISHA: So I'm going to just stick to the plan.

LIAM: You can always kick it on in an emergency.

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: Perfect. Can I get a group--

MARISHA: Stick with CrossFit.

MATT: -- stealth check.

LIAM: Stealth check.

MATT: As you now stealthily attempt to climb past this ledge.

MARISHA: Stealth check.

LIAM: 18.

MATT: 18.

LIAM: Come on, gang.

MARISHA: (gasps)

LIAM: The fuck is wrong with you?

MARISHA: That was a journey, too. Natural one.

MATT: Mm.

TALIESIN: 19?

LIAM: Dang.

MATT: That's a dead even one.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: As you begin to climb up, in deciding not to cast your spell you carefully begin to pull up--

MARISHA: No, it's good, I got this!

MATT: (laughs) Just as--

MARISHA: Go, I needed a workout.

MATT: -- this one little outcropping that you would use to push off with your foot just (rock disengaging) gives away and snaps under your weight. You actually fall about two feet of rope, tugging on it. Your foot catches another rock which cracks and falls again. The rest of you hear--

(rocks clattering)

MARISHA: Gah!

MATT: -- the rocks tumbling and her calling outward.

MARISHA: Oh! My knee!

MATT: You hear movement--

TALIESIN: Suck it up.

MATT: -- from the nearby shelf scrambling towards you.

TALIESIN: Fuck.

LIAM: Okay, I leave the rope tied to the rod and I immediately spring-climb up and get up and go: Hey! Up on the ledge.

MATT: Okay. The minute you do, you jump and land on the ledge, looking right into an individual standing there on the edge. Aimee, if I could have you join us at the table, please.

LIAM: Shit, that was fast!

(laughter)

AIMEE: Here I come!

TALIESIN: Oh, we actually need-- Clink up, move down.

AIMEE: Oh shit!

MARISHA: Oh shit!

MATT: (laughs)

(cheering)

MARISHA: She's back in the house!

AIMEE: Aye, aye, aye, aye!

MARISHA: Let's go!

LIAM: Oh my gosh.

AIMEE: Hi, friends!

LIAM: Mom!

MARISHA: Oh my god!

AIMEE: Nancy!

LIAM: Mom!

AIMEE: Oh my gosh, she's finally here.

TALIESIN: Welcome back, darling, welcome back.

AIMEE: Hello. Hi, hi, hi, hi!

MARISHA: Hi!

LIAM: I was going to stab you.

AIMEE: Dang.

MATT: Still time.

AIMEE: Still time! (laughs) You might want to, after this.

MATT: As you spring up and land, you, having been taking stock of where the hell you might be and why, you hear some skittering nearby, prepare yourself to try and stay hidden, and then suddenly watch as a smaller man leaps in front and shouts "hey" to you. What does he see?

AIMEE: Well, there's a lot to see, so maybe we'll start from the top. What you might notice first is a real flash of big brown, blonde highlighted gel-crunched hair that's moved to the one side of her shoulder and we're making her way down her 4'2" dwarven body, you might notice that her skin color is sort of the-- Well, sort of like the color of café con leche, but with an extra shot in it. (laughter)

LIAM: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

AIMEE: So kind of dark and Latina-flavored. She's covered in colorful, traditional tattoos, and she's got a lot of them, but two of them stand out more than the rest. There's one on one of her shapely biceps. It's like a heart, like a banner heart tattoo, but instead of "Mom" it says "Me."

(laughter)

AIMEE: On one of the sides of her neck, she's got a really large cursive D, adorning her neck right next to the two hoops she has that say "fuck" "off."

MARISHA: Yes.

AIMEE: Her body looks like one of these, you know those party balloons, inflated party balloons that people move into shapes. You take one, twist the middle a few times, so she's real tiny in the middle but big up top and on the bottom. She's sturdy and really stout, but committed to being hyper-feminine in the way that a lot of women in male-dominated fields tend to be. So like a lady cop with acrylic nails or something like that sort of.

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

AIMEE: She's got these really pronounced eyebrows, but she has a slit in the middle that's shaved in.

MARISHA: Cool.

AIMEE: My favorite thing about her is that she's got a little Monroe piercing that looks a diamond beauty mark, you know, like a little--

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: Those are hot.

AIMEE: Her vibe is very much like my Nuyorican cousin meets a rockabilly sort of girl meets a mob wife meets "Real Housewives of Staten Island."

MARISHA and MATT: (laugh)

AIMEE: She's wearing a corset and pants and jewel-encrusted boots and a really ornate gold belt where she's hanging a really cool, great sickle and then also a whip.

MARISHA: Sickle.

AIMEE: Her face looks pissed as fuck.

LIAM: Oh hey.

AIMEE: Who are you?

LIAM: Do you live here?

AIMEE: No, do I look like I live here?

LIAM: No.

AIMEE: I just-- I'm sweating, first of all. Where the fuck are we?

LIAM: I don't know. I have two friends hanging off the edge of the cliff, can I have them come up with us or are you about to--

AIMEE: Yeah, you need help? I got a whip.

LIAM: Well, okay.

AIMEE: Can we look to see how far they are from the landing?

MATT: You glance over to the side, and you can see there is an iron-like rod that is floating in the middle of the air.

AIMEE: Oh shit!

MATT: From it, you see a tied rope and dangling below, there are two figures, if you want to quickly describe yourself in your current state.

TALIESIN: A strange looking humanoid made of green stone with purple amethyst hair and a weird indentation on the side of their head that's got a glass crystal view where you can almost see an opal underneath the glass. The stone is cracked in strange places, and it's been filled in with gold and they're wearing a lot of torn up black leather, You can see on the back of the black leather jacket it says: Just don't.

AIMEE: (laughs)

TALIESIN: So.

AIMEE: I love that.

MARISHA: Then below him you see a very gaunt woman, very sunken-in cheeks, her skin is deathly pale, maybe for a reason. You see dark circles under her eyes and dark pools of purple where the blood has settled and coagulated, with long stringy black hair, that this steam and heat is not doing any favors towards! Then she has it pulled up in a messy bun with a big rock chisel through it to hold it up and patchy dress that looks like she just made out of scraps. She's trying not to scream because I think I dislocated my knee.

AIMEE: Oh.

LIAM: Guys.

MARISHA: Kneecap, side of my leg.

LIAM: There's someone up here, but--

AIMEE: Baby, I hate to tell you, they look half dead already.

MARISHA: Can they reset my knee?

LIAM: You'll get used to it. We'll get you patched up. We're cool, right?

AIMEE: So far. What can I do to help? I got this whip.

LIAM: Well, help me pick up the green guy, he's heavy.

AIMEE: Okay.

LIAM: Hold still, Laudna!

MARISHA: Ha!

LIAM: I'm going to start hoisting up with my massive halfling muscles.

(laughter)

AIMEE: So should I just grab you from the middle and just start pulling back?

MATT: Just pull backward. (laughs) Much easier with your help.

AIMEE: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm climbing. I'm actually putting some climb in. Well, I'm not going to-- As much as I would appreciate and enjoy watching you try and pull us both up.

MATT and AIMEE: (laugh)

MATT: As a group effort together, it's not very difficult to bring up this, you know, relatively heavy individual and this feather.

MARISHA: I was made of papier-mâché.

MATT: (laughs) You clamber up onto this cliff where you had taken stock for a moment to try and figure out what the hell is going on, and where once there was one, now there is four.

TALIESIN: Oh look, a weird person on a cliff, that's normal for the day.

AIMEE: Well, I didn't-- I just showed up here. Do you know how you got here?

MARISHA: We also just showed up here.

AIMEE: Oh, okay.

MARISHA: Wait, were you at the excavation site? Were you a part of the moon ritual?

AIMEE: No!

LIAM: Where were you an hour ago? On the planet?

AIMEE: I was in Tal'Dorei, I was looking for my fucking ex-fiancé who left me in a lurch. I was about to find him and all of a sudden, poof, loud noise, crack, here I am. Some guy talking, here I am.

MARISHA: Wait, he left you?

AIMEE: Yeah.

MARISHA: What, that's-- What an asshole.

AIMEE: Oh, it's a very long story.

MARISHA: Oh my god. I want to hear all about it.

AIMEE: I'll tell you later.

MARISHA: But first, what's your name?

AIMEE: Mona.

MARISHA: I felt like you had to think about that for a second.

AIMEE: Yeah, I got to think about it. I'm not going to tell you my real name yet. I don't know you that well.

LIAM: Oh.

AIMEE: What's your name?

LIAM: Then I'm Zed.

AIMEE: You don't look like a fucking Zed.

TALIESIN: You really don't look like a Zed.

LIAM: My real name is Orym. Why don't you want to tell us your name?

AIMEE: Because I don't know you. What if you're looking for me?

LIAM: Oh, I guess so.

AIMEE: What if you know about me?

MARISHA: Should we know about you?

LIAM: That's fair.

MARISHA: You're very fabulous.

AIMEE: I think you're very fabulous.

MARISHA: Are you famous?

AIMEE: No, not for good reasons. Okay, what's your name?

MARISHA: Laudna.

AIMEE: Oh, that's beautiful. Like the poison?

MARISHA: Ooh, you have a good ear.

AIMEE: Yeah, no, I've been around.

MARISHA: You know your etymology.

TALIESIN: Every fucking new person. Ashton.

AIMEE: Oh yeah, that fits you real nice.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

AIMEE: Zed, Orym, Laudna, Ashton. Hello.

TALIESIN: I like the earrings.

LIAM: Hello.

AIMEE: Thank you.

MARISHA: I like Mona.

AIMEE: Thank you.

MARISHA: It's a very pretty name, even if it's not your real one.

AIMEE: I'll tell you my real one later.

MARISHA: All right.

AIMEE: Okay, so where were you guys?

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

AIMEE: You said excavation site?

MARISHA: Yes, we were on Marquet. Hang on a second-- You see Laudna bends down, takes the blunt part, the heel of her hand and cracks her knee back into shape. (groans) Yes, we were on Marquet.

AIMEE: Oh.

TALIESIN: It was a lot. Were you outside? Wherever the fuck you were, did the the sky get weird?

AIMEE: Yeah.

LIAM: What was the last thing you saw before you came here?

AIMEE: Well, I saw my dumb-fuck ex-fiancé's face from, I don't know, a hundred feet away. I was about to go grab his ass, and then I saw the sky. I looked up and there was all these colors and stuff, right? Then there was a voice.

MARISHA: Oh?

AIMEE: Like a speech.

MARISHA: Wait, did it sound like it came from a crusty old elven man?

AIMEE: Yes.

LIAM: Super pretentious.

MARISHA: Super pretentious.

AIMEE: Super pretentious.

MARISHA: Yes, like he didn't think he could smell his own farts.

AIMEE: Yeah.

MARISHA: That kind of a voice?

AIMEE: Kind of like that, that's right. And then a crack.

MARISHA: But you were in Tal'Dorei?

AIMEE: Yeah.

MARISHA: You could hear-- She could hear Ludinus!

AIMEE: You know that guy?

MARISHA: From another continent!

LIAM: What did the sky look like at the end?

AIMEE: Well, I wasn't really-- I was just focused on the one guy, but it was a real bright thing, and then here I am, hot as fuck. I don't think we're on Tal'Dorei, by the way.

MARISHA: I don't know if we're on Marquet either.

MATT: You do glance up, Mona, and as you're telling the story, you look up and you can see some of those colored threads that you recall from this. But where you were, they were much denser.

AIMEE: Oh.

MATT: Like they're all leading in a different direction from where you currently are.

LIAM: I'm from Tal'Dorei.

AIMEE: Oh yeah?

LIAM: I didn't-- Not just now, months ago.

AIMEE: Okay.

LIAM: Zephrah.

AIMEE: Oh.

LIAM: Where were you when you got yoinked?

AIMEE: I was there.

LIAM: Okay.

AIMEE: What were you doing there?

LIAM: Well, I was born and raised there.

AIMEE: Oh, you were born and raised there?

LIAM: Yeah.

AIMEE: That's nice.

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

AIMEE: It's a nice town.

LIAM: The best.

MARISHA: Does your your ex-fiancé live in Zephrah?

AIMEE: You know what, I actually don't even know where the fuck I was. I don't even remember, I think I have some sort of amnesia or something. I was really, like I have a scent about him and I was following him for months because he left me high and dry, not just at the altar, but with a bunch of--

MARISHA: (gasps)

AIMEE: Whatever. Anyway, doesn't matter. How do we get out of here?

LIAM: Is there anything that could kill us right now, nearby?

MATT: I mean, the fall.

LIAM: Is there anything alive besides the four of us?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LIAM: Okay. Straight roll.

MARISHA: Honestly, he sounds like such a bag of dicks.

AIMEE: He's a bag of dicks.

MATT: What was the roll?

LIAM: 21.

MATT: 21. Nothing that you can see, but you do hear the sound of something else that doesn't resemble the bursting of geysers or releasing of steam. More like a low clicking noise that's echoing distant from here. Something else that catches your ear as not being worth waiting around for.

LIAM: I'm going to put that in the bad column. We were in the process of climbing out of this crater.

AIMEE: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: You want to come with?

AIMEE: I would love to.

LIAM: Okay.

AIMEE: How do we do it?

TALIESIN: Well.

MARISHA: How much further? Are we still on the edge of the cliff face or have we made it to the woods?

TALIESIN: Two-thirds of the way up?

MATT: Well, you're about two-thirds of the way up. It'll be about, maybe a little under a hundred feet up from the edge at this point.

MARISHA: All right.

TALIESIN: Yeah, let's embrace the chaos. Fuck it.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: We've got extra rope.

AIMEE: I got an extra whip.

MATT: Perfect. So I need you to do one more group athletics check with all four of you.

LIAM: Welcome to party, Mona.

TALIESIN: Yep.

AIMEE: Oh, I like to party. You guys party?

MARISHA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Oh.

MARISHA: On our good days.

AIMEE: Natural 20.

LIAM: Hey!

MATT: Dang!

AIMEE: Look at that!

MATT: All righty.

AIMEE: Nice.

LIAM: Oh, bam!

MATT: First roll of the game.

LIAM: You're a star!

TALIESIN: Goddamn.

MARISHA: Eight.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: 27.

LIAM: Oh, thank god. 11.

MATT: 11. So that natural 20 put you over the edge.

AIMEE: All right!

TALIESIN: Thank fuck.

MATT: That's three successes in the group total. So as harrowing as the journey along this cliff face continues to be, your new companion seems to know her way around physical activity. She has a good eye for the nearby stone and ledges that seem strong and durable, and manages to catch you a couple times in approximate moments away from stumbling, until eventually you begin to clamber up to the very edge of the cliff and where the stone begins to give away to earth and root, and the trees greet you upon reaching the gorge mouth. Now as you stand at the top, you can take in a little bit of the sights around you. You can now see from this point in time the edges of the gorge, a bit of starlight and a little bit of that faint colorful glow from the deep sky leylines help frame, This is a large canyon that spreads out for probably a mile and a half, two miles across the way, you can guess. It's hard to tell depth without, you know, color and that much detail, but it definitely looks massive. From where you stand here on this edge of it, if the moon, the red moon Ruidus still visible on that edge, is to the south, then you are probably on the northeastern side of this gorge.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: Well, we're out of the giant hole for now.

LIAM: Well, I think--

MARISHA: It's an improvement.

LIAM: Until we get our bearings, we follow the edge.

TALIESIN: There's got to be civilization around here somewhere.

LIAM: We'll just keep walking, if we're able, towards Ruidus.

MARISHA: So we're going to head towards the big scary moon that fell out of the sky. If you wanted to join us--

AIMEE: I would love to join you, but how about first, we take a little bit of a drink out of something? She pulls out a flask--

TALIESIN: Oh, thank god.

AIMEE: -- with a little alcohol in it and passes it around.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: Oh god, thank you.

AIMEE: You might need that for your knee.

MARISHA: Yes, please. I need it for my everything.

LIAM: Just pour it--

MARISHA: Just Flashdance.

TALIESIN: That's not-- Oh no--

AIMEE: Oh.

(laughter)

AIMEE: Going to get sunburned with that.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LIAM: While Mona is passing out the drink, and we've been climbing the hill for a while, do I get the sense, using my fighter abilities, that she either has any levels in fighter and how is her dex compared to mine?

MATT: You do not sense any levels in fighter.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Her dex is not quite as high as yours.

LIAM: Okay.

AIMEE: But it's not too shabby.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: What are we drinking, by the way?

AIMEE: I think that she would have some sort of liqueur, like maybe, you know, but strong, real strong, but almost like-- Anybody ever have Nalewka? It's sort of like a Polish drink.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: Oh yes.

AIMEE: It's sort of like a limoncello, but super strong. It's almost like Everclear, or they use Spirytus. It's something like that.

AIMEE: So just a sip'll do you, you know.

TALIESIN: Bless you.

LIAM: Orym drinks a little longer than you'd imagine he would, and he passes it over.

AIMEE: You can drink a lot!

LIAM: No, I'm-- It's volume.

AIMEE: Oh.

TALIESIN: I probably take twice as much as I should and never break eye contact.

AIMEE: Oh. Intense.

TALIESIN: That's very reasonable.

MARISHA: I just want a sipper. I'm a lightweight. (laughs)

AIMEE: That's fun.

TALIESIN: There's literally nowhere for it to to go.

MARISHA: It's true. It's right to my carotid artery.

TALIESIN: How are you actually feeling now that we're not hanging from a cliff?

MARISHA: Oh, I feel like I'm still hanging from a cliff, in my head.

TALIESIN: Yeah, you don't look good, even for you.

MARISHA: Well, thank you, yes. I'm obviously deeply terrified about the rest of the group. Mainly Imogen. Hope she's alive. (laughs) Compartmentalization is very strong at the moment.

AIMEE: So you guys were traveling together, and then you got separated from part of your group?

MARISHA: Yes.

LIAM: Our group was about twice as big. We were miles, hundreds of miles, maybe--

MARISHA: Potentially an ocean way.

LIAM: Maybe an ocean away. Like you.

MARISHA: Another one of our members, Imogen, she's very wonderful, very capable, very strong, she got a little bit wrapped up in this whole red moon business, I don't know if--

AIMEE: I don't know anything about it. I don't fuck with the gods, I don't do any of that.

MARISHA: Yes, yes. She had a very strong connection to Ruidus, and turns out there are quite a few people across Exandria who have a very strong connection to the red moon, and I don't know, hope they're still here. Maybe they're on the moon, maybe they're all a giant hive minds that are destined to take over the world. It's kind of hard to say.

AIMEE: Well, that was really fucking scary.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: It's a little scary, Mona.

TALIESIN: Try not to think about it.

AIMEE: So should we look for other people?

TALIESIN: Oh. Yeah, that hadn't occurred to me.

LIAM: Let's just get out of here.

AIMEE: That's a good idea.

LIAM: That way. I point at the moon.

MATT: Okay. You can see the direction there. Because where you stand, you're-- The gorge is towards the base of a gentle valley area, and so you don't really have a good vantage point for other bits of the surrounding terrain. All you have is right now the marker for the red moon.

LIAM: Yeah. So I think trying to guesstimate, even if we have to go off course to return to course.

MATT: Yeah, totally. Okay. So following around the edge of the gorge, are you staying within the tree line along the side or are you--

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: It's about a five-foot gap before it goes to the straight gorge drop off.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Let's not slip on any rocks in the dark.

TALIESIN: Or get hit by something and go flying.

LIAM: Still dark as fuck, I assume.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: I'll just constantly, listening and looking, and I'll lead the way by five or six feet.

MATT: Okay. All righty, so as you're all carefully going through, I assume stealthily as you journey?

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Slow, but steady. All right, have group stealth check for me if you don't mind.

LIAM: Group stealth, 19.

MARISHA: Oh, jeez Louise. Laudna's back, baby!

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: 11.

TALIESIN: 19.

AIMEE: 24.

LIAM: Dang.

MATT: Nice.

TALIESIN: Your bones are snapping a lot.

LIAM: Resisting.

AIMEE: Don't look, don't look. It's so good.

LIAM: So hard look at all your shit.

TALIESIN: Yeah, no.

AIMEE and MATT: (laugh)

AIMEE: So maybe Mona goes up the rear, you know, like they're book-ending.

MATT: You got it. So as you're moving through here, you get a little close up to the trees and the flora here. What little bit of light that you can muster from the moonlight, you imagine during the day this might be a beautiful area. You see pops of color and there is a vibrance here. All the growth here is extremely healthy. Overgrown, you would say, at this close to the mineral-rich gorge. The air around here still carries that chemical and sulfur smell from the interior of the chasm. But now there's an earthy, sickly sweet wind that occasionally cuts through the smell as you move across the edge. That natural earthiness with an extremely potent pollen-like smell, like a very sweet flower scent with other natural scents that come through with the occasional (soft blowing) of the wind. It's chilly, but you're surrounded by very, very lush greenery as you push through the trees and the tangle.

AIMEE: It's chilly.

MARISHA: Now that I have a little bit more context with the lush mineral forest and the chilly breeze, does that clue me in a little bit more to my three potential locations from earlier?

LIAM: Yeah, is it forest or jungle?

MATT: It's hard to see this close up. If it's forest, it's extremely overgrown forest. You don't see any of the trees that look like jungle vines or anything, but the brush, the ferns, the tree canopies are extremely thick.

AIMEE: Is it humid? Or not really because it's--

MATT: You would think that, but the air isn't that humid.

AIMEE: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Especially as you pull out of the gorge, which that moisture that exists in there by the thermal activity is more sparse. You do hear the rushing of a nearby river a little ways into your journey. You do see eventually it comes, there's a river that cuts through and then turns into a waterfall that cascades down into the gorge, which was part of that distant hissing sound that you heard as you climbed. You realize now one of those sounds was a waterfall not too far from where you had landed.

LIAM: Which is different than the clicking sound?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Okay. Okay.

MATT: Clicking sound never quite caught up to you guys.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MATT: But continuing on for another hour into the night, following that path, it's slow moving. Careful.

MARISHA: So no more context clues to where we might be?

MATT: Sorry, coming back to your context clues here.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: If you were in Wildemount, you would likely not be able to see Ruidus if it was still where it was when you left. If time has shifted and changed and it's moved to a different location in the world, that would mix it up. But if this was-- If Ruidus was still lingering over where it was in Marquet, you would not be able to see it from Wildemount.

MARISHA: Great, no further answers. Good. Who knows?

TALIESIN: Honestly, we could be in a whole other plane.

MARISHA: We could.

TALIESIN: Ruidus was showing up in Feywild. Why the fuck not?

LIAM: Mona, what year is it? I know that neither Aimee or I know the year in Exandrian lore.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: What year is it?

AIMEE: What year is it?

LIAM: Mona?

MATT: Let me bring it up in--

LIAM: Angela. Jonathan.

AIMEE: (laughing) Jonathan.

TALIESIN: Hey, Dungeon Master.

MATT: -- notes again. Hey, which one?

TALIESIN: Dungeon Master.

MATT: Which one is it?

(laughter)

LIAM: Who's the boss? I am.

MARISHA: Dani.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MATT: No, I got it. I got it.

MARISHA: Dani?

MATT: I got my notes here. Hold on.

LIAM: All I want to know is, is it the same year that I woke up in--

TALIESIN: Year month day.

MATT: 843 PD.

AIMEE: 843, okay.

TALIESIN: Year month day. Or, just to double check, what day? If we are all sharing the same day.

LIAM: Are we on same time?

MARISHA: Are we all in the same year?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LIAM: Does the answer surprise us?

AIMEE: So let's say it at the same time. Ready? 836 PD.

LIAM: 847 Grassy Knoll.

(laughter)

MARISHA: (laughing) Grassy Knoll.

MATT: Nailed it. Nailed in one.

AIMEE: It's your stripper name.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Grassy Knoll?

AIMEE: Grassy Knoll plus the name of your first pet.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: That gets awkward. Okay, yeah.

MATT: This is perfect.

AIMEE: All right.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MATT: No, I would say you would be, in asking this question-- If I can... What was it? It was right here.

TALIESIN: We wouldn't know what day it is, but we would know if we vanished on the same-- Well.

LIAM: I just want to know if we era jumped.

TALIESIN: Mmm.

LIAM: Or if we went to Exandria 832.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: Instead of our 831.

MATT: Right. For the sake of my internet, which is not working, can't get my notes, the date is pretty spot on.

LIAM and TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: So you haven't, there hasn't been a lapse of time. In fact, it's the same evening where the beginning of the Apogee Solstice kicked in.

LIAM: Cool. So that five-minute discussion took four seconds.

AIMEE: Gotcha. No, I could tell--

MATT: D&D.

AIMEE: I could tell because of my cycle, too.

MARISHA: Mm. Yes.

AIMEE: We're the same day.

MARISHA: Just-- Yes.

LIAM: I got it. My mother is a midwife.

MARISHA: A woman.

TALIESIN: Yeah, no.

LIAM: A midwife.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LIAM: Midwife. I grew up around a lot.

MARISHA: Mm. Yes.

TALIESIN: You've seen-- Yeah.

MARISHA: Don't have one of those anymore.

AIMEE: Oh no.

MARISHA: I don't know, it's just weird.

AIMEE: Lucky you.

MARISHA: It happens. It's kind of a perk.

AIMEE: Yeah, I'll say. Okay, so what time of day is it or is it was a nighttime and middle of the night?

MATT: Middle of the night. You've been journeying for an hour or two at this point. Both climbing up the side of the cliff as well as along the side of the gorge heading in the direction of the--

AIMEE: Can we see any lights, any kind of civilization, anything at all that would suggest we're close to a settlement or anything?

MATT: Nothing in the gorge. You can make a perception check. Once again, this is, unfortunately, the outside of it seems to rise up like a bowl of shadow up into the horizon, and you can just see a little bit of red moon. At this point--

MARISHA: So we're still-- We're in a flat forest area, but still in the gorge.

MATT: You're on the very edge of it, where the lip of it ended.

MARISHA: Still on the edge.

MATT: The rest of the area around it is filled with this forest.

LIAM: Right.

TALIESIN: Can we maybe get a vantage point at the top of one of these trees?

LIAM: Yeah, I could do that.

TALIESIN: Yeah, thanks.

LIAM: I'll climb a tree and try to see in the dark.

MATT: Okay.

AIMEE: I'll spot you.

MARISHA: I send Pâté with him.

MATT: Okay.

AIMEE: Oh, who is that?

MARISHA: Oh my goodness, I'm so rude! I should have introduced you. This is Pâté, he's my familiar.

MATT: You see what looks like a bird flies over.

AIMEE: Uh-huh.

MATT: The closer it gets, you realize the body is less of a bird body and more like a dangling possum or a rat.

AIMEE: (laughing) Oh, fuck.

MATT: Instead of, it has wings, but the wings are torn rib cages that are torn open and the flesh now becomes the inside of the wings. The head is a skinless, fleshless bird skull. Immediately swoops down and goes, "Hey, nice to meet you!"

AIMEE: Oh! Hello.

MARISHA: He's very nice.

MATT: "Hey."

AIMEE: Is he okay?

MARISHA: He's great. He's a little creepy. He was my sanity project like several years ago.

AIMEE: Oh.

MATT: "I like your ink."

MARISHA: Yeah, he came alive one day.

AIMEE: Nice to meet you.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: "You too. (laughs)"

MARISHA: You behave. Hey, listen to me.

MATT: "What?"

MARISHA: Behave yourself.

MATT: "Yes ma'am."

MARISHA: Don't get weird, don't get creepy.

AIMEE: Eyes up here.

MARISHA: Exactly.

MATT: "I don't have eyes."

AIMEE: Oh. Well, whatever up here.

TALIESIN: Sockets, sockets.

MARISHA: Pitch black voids up here.

AIMEE: Pitch black sockets.

MATT: "Got it. Situated. Understood. Processed. All good."

MARISHA: Good, good.

MATT: "Coming with you!" And leaps up after Orym--

LIAM: No such thing as a sanity clause. Up we go.

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: All right. With Mona's help--

LIAM: You want to spot me?

AIMEE: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Make an athletics check with advantage?

LIAM: Yeah! What's that say? That's a tiny number. That's a 14 plus, what am I doing?

MATT: Athletics.

LIAM: Athletics, then it's an 18.

MATT: 18, not bad. You climb up to the top of this tree, and the trees on the edge of the gorge are probably some of the taller ones based on the proximity to the mineral. As you clamber up to the top and begin to push through the canopy, you have a better perspective on the surroundings. This is indeed a rolling valley. What bit of detail you can make out in the proximity, it looks like a lush blanket of the rolling forest around. Go ahead and make a perception check for me.

LIAM: Oh, Bilbo Baggins-ing it here. But it's dark, so straight roll, right?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: That is perception, you say?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: That is a dirty 20.

MATT: Dirty 20. You can see breaks beyond it where the valley becomes less forest dense and more grassy hills. You can see some hills that rise up high in some places. You also can see above the weave of the leylines gathering a little bit what you would guess, if the moon is south, in a northeastern, eastern direction to a similar nexus point. Probably a number of miles off. 20, 50, you're not sure.

LIAM: Are they intersections where it strikes and splits off?

MATT: Yeah, where they all pulled from different areas and some overlap and some combine and some come together, but you see them all conjoining into one bright rainbow gathering web of arcane energy up in the air. Not unlike the one you saw above the Malleus Key earlier this evening. You can see, in that direction as well, there are little lights along parts of the distant valley. With a 20, you do see a township loosely in that same direction.

LIAM: Is that deviating from our direction towards Ruidus?

MATT: That would be in eastern northeast, yes. That's kind of in opposite direction.

TALIESIN: But it's toward a cluster of the--

MATT: Yeah, near one of these nexus points. To the north, northeast beyond that, you can see a massive mountain range that rolls beyond that. It climbs a decent height, but it seems to encompass about a quarter of the perspective in that direction of the night. Past a certain point, it becomes shadow before you can see where the mountains break. To the north, where that mountain range subsides, there is one singular mountain that rises higher than any you've ever seen. Just one spire-like peak that seems to climb up to the point where it disappears into what little bit of cloud cover as gathered in that space. The only reason you can see it is because a little bit of starlight is glistening off of the snow cap that encompasses the majority of its peak from the center up.

LIAM: I've read a decent amount. Have I read where the highest mountains in the world are?

MATT: Roll a history check. It's not a high DC.

LIAM: Come on. Ugh!

AIMEE: Oh, damn.

LIAM: Super low roll. 12.

MATT: 12?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Unfortunately, not quite crossed your attention, but maybe you can find somebody who knows later. To the far west and southwest, a very tall and dangerous looking mountain range consumes about a third of the horizon. Like a crown of teeth, it marks this deep shadow that leaves the entire western side of this valley. You sense you don't even want to travel near it.

AIMEE: Hmm.

MATT: To the south, in the direction of Ruidus, you can see beyond this valley where the hills roll, some other small little bits of mountain ranges come to an end. You're familiar with this height. Beyond that, faint glittering on water--

MARISHA: Ocean.

MATT: -- of an ocean that stretches far beyond from the land mass that you currently stand on.

LIAM: What's the place we've never been?

MARISHA: Issylra.

LIAM: But is that where the jagged cracked--

MARISHA: The jagged teeth? The, what is it called? The Shattered Teeth, right?

LIAM: Shattered Teeth.

MATT: Shattered Teeth is elsewhere.

MARISHA: That's Wildemount, right?

LIAM: We don't know where the shit we are.

MATT: That's south of Wildemount.

LIAM: I don't know where we are. Elsewhere from what? This is Liam talking.

MARISHA: Yeah, totally.

TALIESIN: Well, the way we find out is we head towards a town. Honestly, not to tell you your business, but I think you need to sleep at some point. I feel like--

LIAM: Were you talking to me?

TALIESIN: Oh, I thought you guys had come down, never mind. Keep fucking--

MARISHA: Orym. Pâté.

LIAM: (ping-pong leaps)

TALIESIN: There, okay.

MATT: (fluttering) "Hey!"

TALIESIN: Pop the head.

MARISHA: Get in your house.

MATT: "Okay, yep."

LIAM: So there's mountain. We are in a nexus point of a lot of goddamn mountains. But there were towns or homes, and then a village or town of some kind. So I think new plan, we head towards civilization of any kind.

AIMEE: I like that plan.

TALIESIN: Place to sleep, place to find out where we actually fucking are.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: All right. Does the river that we found follow along that way?

MATT: It furthers more, it goes directly east, which goes somewhat in the direction, but you probably have to eventually diverge unless the river continues that direction. But from where you're seeing now, it's going eastward.

LIAM: Sorry. How long a trek did that look like to reach that?

MATT: With that perception roll, you're not entirely sure.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: You don't have enough light here in the middle of the night. You just saw it and gathered a ballpark distance. So it could be five miles, 20 miles, 100 miles. It's hard to tell.

AIMEE: Jesus.

MARISHA: Well, why don't we follow the river until we need to split from it. Cities tend to pop up around rivers.

AIMEE: You're very smart.

MARISHA: I like you.

AIMEE: Yeah, you're very smart, I can tell.

MARISHA: It's nice to have a new friend, especially with such a stressful time we've had.

AIMEE: Listen, if you want to jump on my back at any point, I can take it.

MARISHA: Oh my goodness.

AIMEE: Give the knee a break. It's great.

MARISHA: You're so strong, too.

AIMEE: Yeah, I'm strong.

MARISHA: What do you do? What's your occupation?

AIMEE: Uh, none of your fucking business yet.

MARISHA: Oh, okay!

AIMEE: Yeah.

MATT: (laughs)

LIAM: Let's walk and talk.

MARISHA: It's good to have a friend.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: I feel seen.

(laughter)

MATT: All right, so you progress, following the river to the eastward direction. Deep into this forest along the ridge. Taking it stealthily or not? Slower speed at stealth, but careful is largely unseen.

AIMEE: I don't know if this is helpful at all, but I think I might have darkvision.

MATT: Indeed, that does help you see things.

AIMEE: So maybe I should go up to the front and see if I can see anything past?

MATT: Sure.

AIMEE: Just to see, and then we can decide whether we should go stealthily or not.

TALIESIN: I also still have Pass Without a Trace, so we can move at some decent speed if we were so inclined.

MARISHA: I don't want to take all night getting there.

TALIESIN: So Pass Without a, yeah, I'll spend some Pass Without a Trace.

LIAM: If it's 100 miles, it's going to take--

MARISHA: It's going to take all night.

TALIESIN: But at least we'll get closer.

MARISHA: Yes.

TALIESIN: All right, so. I think moving at a very reasonable speed with Pass Without a Trace is probably the way to go.

MATT: Okay. So everyone make a stealth check for me.

TALIESIN: And add 10.

MARISHA: Okay.

AIMEE: Add 10 to whatever?

TALIESIN: Whatever you roll.

AIMEE: Oh! But not my stuff.

LIAM: Yeah, you add that, too. So it's all combined.

AIMEE: Oh wow.

LIAM: You have a ridic.

AIMEE: (Kiwi accent) Okay, let's see. Let's do some quick math. I'm so bad. 34.

MATT: (Kiwi accent) Doing some quick meth over there?

AIMEE: Quick meth?

(laughter)

AIMEE: Do you guys party?

MATT: Mona bringing it to Bell Hells here. All right, so that's 34.

MARISHA: 24.

LIAM: Oh, what'd I roll? Dirty 20, that's what it was.

MATT: Okay, dirty 20 and?

TALIESIN: 29.

MATT: 29. Fantastically quiet. As you watch Ashton focus a bit of their essence outward and all the shadows grow even darker around the spaces where you walk and the ground gets softer as you step forward. It's been a bit since you've felt even this confident in stealthing through natural spaces. Kind of feels nice. But the four of you begin to trek alongside the sound of the nearby river as it begins to fill the air with its own din, the rushing and clattering up against stone and rock. You hear the occasional loud owl or evening hunting creature (hooting) (crackling) (whooshing) (chittering) talking to each other through the branches. Keeping an eye out, you're up front. Go ahead and make a perception check for me.

AIMEE: Hmm hmm hmm. Oh. Oh. Wait, hold on. 19!

MATT: 19, not bad.

TALIESIN: (whistles)

MATT: Peering through the shadow, because of your darkvision, one, you have a very clear idea of the trees before you and any possible divots or pitfalls or any creatures that may be lying in wait. But you do help guide everyone through some of the more helpful-to-your-ankles' continued support pathways as the jungle floor here is rather tangled and filled with various roots and traps that can pull you or knock you over. But what really catches your attention is a small little fire. A little source of flame that you immediately notice the flicker of it.

AIMEE: Shit, how far?

MATT: About 200, 300 feet off.

AIMEE: Okay. Wait. There's a fire. What do you think?

LIAM: Once I see it, can I make out how many people or folk are around it?

MATT: With your passive perception, even just glancing over there, you don't see any people walking around. You don't see an encampment or anything. You see a very, very small, the saddest little campfire you've ever seen.

TALIESIN: How many people got displaced? We don't know if everybody got shuffled around the bloody planet.

MARISHA: Everything's all topsy-turvy.

TALIESIN: Maybe that's just someone dealing with what they got.

MARISHA: I can send Pâté.

LIAM: Well--

TALIESIN: That, mm.

LIAM: Pâté's great when you get to know him.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that--

MARISHA: Well, he wouldn't talk to them. He would just do a fly by.

AIMEE: (laughs)

TALIESIN: I don't think that helps.

LIAM: I don't think he needs to talk.

MARISHA: No, that's what I'm saying. I wouldn't make him talk. I would just make him scout. Just do a fly by.

LIAM: Okay, that makes sense. Okay.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: Like high in the trees is what you're talking about?

MARISHA: Yeah, a very high altitude--

TALIESIN: Unseen.

MARISHA: Spy mission.

LIAM: Okay, because he's a flying dead cat with his guts out.

MARISHA: He's a dead rat.

LIAM: I know what he is.

AIMEE: I didn't want to say it, but something's wrong with that rat.

LIAM: He presents as--

TALIESIN: No, he commits.

MARISHA: He knows.

AIMEE: Yeah. That's okay, as long as you know and as long as you own it.

MARISHA: You're proud of who you are.

AIMEE: Yeah.

MARISHA: Right, buddy?

MATT: "Yeah, yeah, of course I am. You made me. I'm magic."

MARISHA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

MARISHA: Yes, I love you.

MATT: "I love you, too. (chuckles)"

MARISHA: All right, here's what you're going to do.

MATT: "Okay."

MARISHA: You see that fire in the distance?

MATT: "Yeah, right."

MARISHA: Do not make yourself seen.

MATT: "I can do that."

MARISHA: Just do a little loop de loop. Come right back home.

MATT: "You got it. Let's do it." (flutters) Roll a stealth check for him.

LIAM: Does Pâté get any of Ashton's Pass Without a Trace? Or it disappears once he leaves Ashton's?

TALIESIN: Once you're far enough away, it doesn't matter.

MATT: Yeah. Well, the range is when it's cast. It can still carry you for a bit.

MARISHA: He has a high stealth, actually.

MATT: But I will say because he probably was not on your mind when you cast the spell.

TALIESIN: Probably not.

MATT: I'd say probably not.

MARISHA: Ooh! Better than any roll I've had all night! 23.

TALIESIN: Ooh!

MATT: 23. Coasting through the trees until spinning around, there looks to be a small clearing where a cart of some kind is settled at rest.

MARISHA: An open cart or a covered wagon, or--?

MATT: Just a simple cart.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: There is what looks to be not quite a reindeer, but a similar sort of forest kind of-- colder climate beast of burden that is affixed to the front that is currently eating something. It looks like there are some supplies there and there is a small campfire where something is being put on it to burn and pick up the embers a bit and there is a humanoid figure that is currently warming their hands at the fire.

MARISHA: Can I notice any weaponry next to them? Anything that might look like malicious, ill intent?

MATT: Roll a perception check for Pâté.

MARISHA: 18.

MATT: 18. Hard to make out too much detail beyond just the bright light, especially to be unseen in the fly by, but no visible axes or swords or anything hanging at their side. You can see some tools. Actually with Pâté's 18 perception, though, there are some nearby branches that are broken off. Yeah.

LIAM: Does the beast of burden look like Yakul, the red elk from Princess Mononoke?

AIMEE and MARISHA: (laugh)

TALIESIN: Wow.

MATT: His distant cousin. The parents were related.

TALIESIN: Very distant cousin.

MARISHA: It just seems to be a single person, like a merchant, maybe? Just traveling with a single cart.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: It could be nice to get a little bit of warmth and see what they're about.

AIMEE: Worst case, there's four of us.

MARISHA: Exactly.

AIMEE: One of them.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm not worried.

MARISHA: Exactly.

LIAM: Why don't you and I mosey up and say hi from a distance so no one makes any sudden movements, you know? At the last second.

MARISHA: You are the more normal--

TALIESIN: Least intimidating.

MARISHA: -- looking out of the four. Yes. (laughs) I know, I'm so intimidating.

TALIESIN: Part of the charm.

LIAM: We've just gotten used to it.

MARISHA: Yeah. (chuckles)

AIMEE: All right, so let's head on over.

LIAM: I'm not even going to try to be stealthy at this point, although I'm not going to go crashing through the woods and once we're, I don't know, 50 feet away. Hello? Excuse me.

MATT: Utkarsh, could you come to the table for me, please?

AIMEE: ♪ Ee, ee, ee, ee, ee ♪

TALIESIN: ♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

OFF-SCREEN VOICE: Oh boy.

MATT: There he is.

AIMEE: Heyo!

LIAM: Oh, he came in from a different direction.

TALIESIN: Whoa, way out of screen.

UTKARSH: I know. Production values.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: Hello, everyone.

AIMEE: Hello.

MATT: Hey buddy. Welcome, welcome.

MARISHA: Shh.

UTKARSH: Okay.

MARISHA: Hi.

UTKARSH: Let's freaking do this.

MARISHA: Welcome.

TALIESIN: Oh, I did this wrong, okay.

AIMEE: Frick, frick, frickin'.

TALIESIN: I've got to move my little name tags.

UTKARSH: Guys, it's about to go down.

AIMEE: ♪ It's about to go down ♪

TALIESIN: Already rolling.

MATT: So.

UTKARSH: Yeah, right?

MATT: As you are in the center of this forest, the fire in front of you, you hear a voice introducing themselves or getting your attention from just beyond this small little cracked grove. What do you do?

UTKARSH: I freak out. Oh my god, what is that? I turn towards the direction. I'm not very good at this, but I close my eyes and I fire off a crossbow into the darkness, hoping I hit something.

AIMEE: Oh fuck. (laughs)

MARISHA: Oh.

MATT: What Pâté didn't notice was one of the tools on the side right there was a crossbow hanging off the edge.

AIMEE: Jeez, Pâté.

MARISHA: Pâté, you fucking--

MATT: (clangs) Goes firing off into the wood. I'd say roll an attack with disadvantage.

MARISHA: You bumblefuck.

AIMEE: Shit.

UTKARSH: Is that this one?

MATT: Yes, you got that.

LIAM: Is this towards my voice or Pâté's flapping?

UTKARSH: Towards the voice--

MATT: This is towards the voice.

UTKARSH: -- that I heard.

TALIESIN: Roll it again and take the lowest.

MATT: Yeah, so disadvantage, you roll twice and take the lowest.

UTKARSH: It's a one.

(laughter)

AIMEE: Thank god.

TALIESIN: That's even better.

MARISHA: That's great.

TALIESIN: Even better.

UTKARSH: It was a five and a one.

MATT: The man turns around, fires a crossbow and the bolt goes (quiver, thud).

AIMEE: (laughs)

MATT: It was misloaded.

UTKARSH: Ugh.

AIMEE: Oh no. (laughs)

UTKARSH: Though not unexpected, given my track record. I turn around and I run. I start running away.

MATT: Okay, you don't have quite a chance to get a good look at this figure before they yell and start running deeper into the forest away from you.

LIAM: Hey, okay, that didn't start well. We're just looking for some fire. We can talk at a distance. Hello?

UTKARSH: Stay where you are!

LIAM: Okay.

UTKARSH: I can't see you, maybe come a little bit closer.

LIAM: All right, I'll come to your fire. Me and M--

AIMEE: Shh, don't say it.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LIAM: I'm going to come to the fire. My friend--

TALIESIN: (laughs)

LIAM: --s are a little ways back. I promise we're just looking for somewhere to plunk down for the night. I say as I move closer.

UTKARSH: I was looking for somewhere to plunk down for the night, too.

AIMEE: Can I go around while this is happening? Can I go around and see if I can get on the other side of him?

MATT: Yeah, make a stealth check for me.

AIMEE: At some point?

LIAM: Oh man.

TALIESIN: I assume we can hear all of this right now.

MATT: Yeah, you both aren't too terribly far off.

AIMEE: 22.

MATT: 22. What's your passive perception?

LIAM: What about Pass Without a Trace?

AIMEE: I don't have that.

LIAM: You got it from Ashton.

AIMEE: Oh, so I do.

TALIESIN: So you add 10.

AIMEE: So 32.

UTKARSH: 12.

AIMEE: How long does that last?

MARISHA: Your passive perception?

TALIESIN: An hour.

AIMEE: Oh, fuck yes.

UTKARSH: This?

MARISHA: Your passive perception is 12, yeah.

UTKARSH: 12.

MATT: Yeah, so you manage to scoot around unseen.

UTKARSH: Just barely.

MATT: Just barely. (laughs)

AIMEE: Just to see if he pulls another stunt, I can fucking knock him out or something.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: So I'm coming up, hands in the air, blade is sheathed on my back. You see a little guy, just a little guy who's barely above three feet tall with a shield and a sword on his back, arms up in the air. You got a clear shot at me. I'm really not looking for any trouble. I'm lost. My friends and I are lost, real lost.

UTKARSH: Me too. I have no idea where I am. Oh, you want to know who you see?

LIAM: I thought I couldn't see you yet.

MATT: Because you went off and ran.

UTKARSH: Oh yeah.

MATT: But what you would see, Mona, as you sneak around in the shadows, describe what Mona sees.

UTKARSH: Let me just see if there's any notes here.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: You see a half-elf.

AIMEE: Ooh.

UTKARSH: He's built like a coat hanger. Long.

AIMEE: Fashion.

UTKARSH: Lithe.

LIAM: I like it.

UTKARSH: He's 6'4, but appears way smaller. He never stands up straight. About 200 pounds, so yeah, soaking wet. Long, delicate fingers. He appears to be a young man, but you're not really sure what his age is. No scars, markings, no tattoos. Brown skin with shades of green and gold. A little glow to him. Totally unkempt, mangy hair, and his eyes, you can see in the dark, are large. They're gold-amber with very dilated pupils and he's basically got a face that carries the expression of "What the fuck is going on?" at all times.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: He's an innocent. He looks innocent. He's not what you want to be in this world. No armor. He's a farmer. I'm a farmer. I got a green cloak. It's made of rough wool, whatever we had around the house. Leather shoes and a potato sack basically with rope pulled together and I have a crossbow, as you now know.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: And some other stuff and should I tell them what weapons I have on me?

MATT: No, they haven't seen anything.

UTKARSH: Yeah, go fuck yourself.

MATT: They'll find out later.

(laughter)

AIMEE: I think from the other side of him, I'll yell to Orym: I think I found another dead one.

MATT: You hear this voice from right behind you.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LIAM: What?

UTKARSH: (shouts) Then, do I fire off another? No, I'm going to go fucking loco.

MATT: Okay.

UTKARSH: No, that's not.

MATT: What do you want to do?

LIAM: What do you want to do?

UTKARSH: I'm going to shoot-- Hold on. Let me go to my spells. I'm going to shoot a 5th-level--

LIAM: Farming spell.

AIMEE: (laughs) Farming!

AIMEE and MATT: (laugh)

AIMEE: Turnip trap.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs)

UTKARSH: Lightning Bolt.

MATT and LIAM: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Oh no.

AIMEE: Oh yeah.

MARISHA: Did you say 5th-level?

UTKARSH: Yeah. I'm going to shoot a 5th-level Lightning Bolt.

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

MARISHA: What?

AIMEE: This is war.

MATT: Towards the voice?

AIMEE: Towards me?

UTKARSH: Towards the voice, knowing, not really sure where it is, right?

MATT: You got it. So you turn around to the sound of the voice and (screams) release a Lightning Bolt. So Mona.

AIMEE: Yeah?

MATT: As you're sitting in the shadow, the figure spins around and you see this bright (sizzles) glow of energy and you hear this crack of thunder and a flash of bright light. Make a dexterity saving throw, I will say with advantage because you don't see the source.

UTKARSH: No idea where it is.

MATT: So it's just hoping to catch you.

AIMEE: With advantage? Oh, well.

LIAM: Natural 20.

AIMEE: Don't need it.

MATT: Dang.

AIMEE: That's going to be a 24.

MATT: All right, so roll damage and you take half damage.

UTKARSH: Which one is it?

MATT: It's the d6s. That would be 10d6.

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

UTKARSH: Here we go.

AIMEE: Good grief!

MARISHA: What the F? Do you need more d6s?

UTKARSH: No, I think I'm good.

MARISHA: Okay.

TALIESIN: That's going to be 10 d6s.

UTKARSH: Seven, eight. Seven plus eight is 15 plus 10, 25, and then 10, 35.

MATT: One more after this. 35 plus this.

UTKARSH: Oh my, lord have mercy.

AIMEE: Oh, for fuck's sake.

UTKARSH: Plus 12.

MARISHA: Oh, double sixes.

UTKARSH: 47.

MATT: 47 points of damage halved.

AIMEE: Go fuck yourself.

MATT: So you take 20--

AIMEE: 20?

MATT: Eight.

AIMEE: Eight? Is that right?

MATT: No, no, no, it's 20--

TALIESIN: Three or 24.

LIAM: 23.

MATT: 23, other way, I was doing the opposite. So 23 points of lightning damage to you.

AIMEE: How far am I from him?

MATT: You're about I'd say 30 feet.

AIMEE: Goddamn it.

MATT: But this goes about 100 feet behind you.

AIMEE: Sure.

MATT: You manage to dodge out of the way. It catches you on the side of your hip and you fall to the ground in this (groan) sudden pain.

UTKARSH: Oh my god, how did I do that?

AIMEE: What the fuck?

LIAM: Okay, okay, okay.

MARISHA: He's hostile. I start charging up an Eldritch Blast.

LIAM: No!

UTKARSH: (yells) Are you dead? Are you a dead person?

MARISHA: (yells) Maybe.

AIMEE: I'm half fucking dead over here.

UTKARSH: Wait, wait, wait, wait, what's going on?

LIAM: This is escalating way too fast. We're all lost in wherever the hell we are. Please nobody fire anything off. Misunderstanding, okay?

UTKARSH: Oh my god.

LIAM: I put my shield on the ground. I put my sword on the ground. I'm defenseless. Anyone who wants to drop me can. I sit down crisscross applesauce in front of the fire.

AIMEE: Oh, cute.

UTKARSH: Okay.

LIAM: Can we just sit by the fire, please?

MARISHA: I'm a little unhinged right now, so I let go of my Eldritch Blast, but I want to fire it right to the left of his head.

LIAM: Oh.

MATT: Just as a little bit of a warning shot.

UTKARSH: This is going to be--

MATT: Roll to attack to ensure--

UTKARSH: The shortest episode appearance ever.

TALIESIN: We're all a little traumatized.

MARISHA: 21.

MATT: 21. This undead-looking, scraggly woman who's charging up this energy (swoosh) releases it and it goes (whoosh) right past your head by an inch.

UTKARSH: Ah. Thank you. Oh boy, okay. Yes, yes, I agree. Truce.

LIAM: Truce.

AIMEE: I didn't agree on a fucking truce.

UTKARSH: I can help you.

AIMEE: Okay, well, come help. I crawl over, I (grunt) get over there.

MATT: You now see this dwarven woman clutching her side crawling out of the nearby shadow.

UTKARSH: So. Oh my god.

AIMEE: You're going to fucking regret this.

UTKARSH: I already do. I'm so sorry.

AIMEE: Yeah.

UTKARSH: My name is Bor'Dor, Bor'Dor Dog'Son. I'm not the son of a dog. My father trained sheepdogs. We're sheep herders. I'm obviously not the son of a dog. Anyway, let me help you. I cast, can I do Cure Wounds?

MATT: Yes, you can.

UTKARSH: 2nd-level. 2d8 is, which one is? Hey, guys at home, is this a d8?

MATT: That's the one.

MARISHA: Yeah, the diamondy one.

UTKARSH: So, seven and five is 12 plus four. So 16.

MATT: 16 points.

AIMEE: So I get 16 back?

MATT: You do.

AIMEE: All right.

LIAM: So you've been farming a long time?

UTKARSH: I'm freaking sorry.

AIMEE: All right, we'll see. Can I use my sleight of hand to see if I could surreptitiously steal something innocuous from him that I will maybe give back later? Something on his body?

MATT: Sure. Go ahead and roll sleight of hand.

AIMEE: Just to teach him a lesson. Where's that shit at? That is going to be a 19.

MATT: 19. What's something that she finds on your body without you noticing that she pockets?

UTKARSH: That's a good question. Where?

AIMEE: Or maybe I just give him a big-ass wedgie.

UTKARSH: I have a-- (chuckles) I have a sling on my back.

MATT: Okay.

AIMEE: I'll take that sling.

MATT: You pull it out of the way.

AIMEE: Yep.

UTKARSH: You're welcome, but not in the macro.

AIMEE: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Carefully.

UTKARSH: Oh my. That was-- That was not cool of me. I'm really sorry, I'm just very scared. I have no idea where I am or what's going on. I was on the mountain and then I was with my sheep and I've never--

AIMEE: Hmm.

UTKARSH: Are you dead?

MARISHA: It's complicated, but a little bit of yes and a little bit of no.

UTKARSH: You are stunning to look at.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

UTKARSH: Unbelievable.

MARISHA: What?

UTKARSH: Wow. You guys all. I don't really meet many people. I'm--

LIAM: Where were you yesterday?

UTKARSH: I was on the mountain.

LIAM and MARISHA: Which mountain?

TALIESIN: Fair.

UTKARSH: I was in the Cyrios Mountains of the Dwendalian Empire.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: Dwendilian?

MARISHA: No, you had it the first time.

LIAM: I can see it in my mind's eye.

UTKARSH: Will-de-mount.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: Pride's Call.

LIAM: Yep.

AIMEE: You want to give us your fucking street address?

UTKARSH: I wish I could, we don't have many neighbors. It's just us on the mountain.

MARISHA: And you're a sheep herder?

UTKARSH: That's what I've been doing since I was a boy, yes.

MARISHA: Since a boy?

TALIESIN: Oh, thank god. We're saved now.

AIMEE: (laughs)

UTKARSH: I was tending to the sheep at night and I felt a humming all around me. I've been alone, I've been caring for my sick brother.

MARISHA: What's wrong with him?

UTKARSH: Where is my brother? He's got a fever; he's had the fever for three weeks.

MARISHA: Oh, that's not good.

UTKARSH: He's burning up. He looks--

MARISHA: Like me?

UTKARSH: Yeah.

LIAM: What kind of fever?

UTKARSH: I was tending to my brother and I felt this warm hum around me and then I looked at him and a voice came into my head. He didn't speak to me, but I heard something, a droning of sorts and then my face got hot and I felt a pain in my forehead and then I ended up here.

AIMEE: Huh.

MARISHA: Did it happen to sound like the voice of a very pretentious man?

UTKARSH: Yeah, maybe a--

AIMEE: Whose farts don't stink.

MARISHA: Yes.

UTKARSH: Someone smart, for sure. Someone who sounded like they knew what they were talking about.

AIMEE: Hmm.

LIAM: So you're a farmer. You throw around a lot of lightning on the farm?

UTKARSH: No. No, that's a new thing.

AIMEE: Hmm.

MARISHA: That's a new thing?

UTKARSH: Well, as far as I know, since I got here, these things have just been happening.

AIMEE: How long have you been here?

UTKARSH: A couple of hours?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: What made you discover that you had magic ability?

UTKARSH: Well, she said there was a dead one, and then a fucking lightning bolt came out of my hand.

LIAM: Huh.

UTKARSH: But--

LIAM: Does he seem truthful?

MATT: Go ahead and make an insight check.

TALIESIN: I'm too far to even think about that.

LIAM: 21.

MATT: 21. You can roll a persuasion or deception check. Go ahead and roll a d20 and add your skill, but--

UTKARSH: I'll roll--

TALIESIN: You don't have to tell us.

MATT: You don't have to say which one.

UTKARSH: Oh, I don't have to tell you.

MATT: Yep. You pick which one and then--

UTKARSH: You'll never know.

AIMEE: You'll never know.

UTKARSH: Here we go. What does a beer can mean?

LIAM: A natural 20.

MATT: It's a natural 20.

AIMEE: Oh!

MATT: Yeah, that's the Grog dice.

AIMEE: His first fucking roll!

MATT: That's the Grog die.

MARISHA: Oh my god, that's what both of you rolled!

MATT: Both of you guys got natural 20s on the way in. That's great.

AIMEE: It's beginner's luck.

MATT: So yeah, I mean, seems to be telling the truth.

LIAM: Okay.

AIMEE: Wow. All right. You said you're a sheep farmer?

UTKARSH: Yeah.

AIMEE: You got any cheese on you?

UTKARSH: I do-- What food do I have on me?

MATT: Actually. (laughs) You would've had whatever food was in the cart that dropped in the space with you, which the cart somewhat damaged. You have a little bit of meat, some grain, and looks like some hunted squirrels, and not a whole lot.

TALIESIN: I've got cheese.

AIMEE: You got cheese, too?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I've got cheese.

AIMEE: Wow. Okay.

UTKARSH: If you would like to join me by the fire, and please accept my apologies. I don't see many people. This is very new for me. I have meat, I have some wool, if you're cold.

LIAM: We're all going through it, too. We three were together somewhere else.

MARISHA: In Marquet.

LIAM: Yeah. And you, are we saying your name?

AIMEE: Mona.

UTKARSH: Mona. Sorry about the--

AIMEE: That's all right, I guess. We'll see. I was on Tal'Dorei. I was about to go give a piece of my mind to my fucking ex-fiancé, when I got zapped out of there. And here I am.

UTKARSH: That sounds horrible for him.

AIMEE: A bolt in my side named Dog Door.

UTKARSH: Bor'Dor.

AIMEE: Bor'Dor.

UTKARSH: Dog'Son.

AIMEE: Dog'Son.

UTKARSH: We're very good sheep herders. And what was your name?

LIAM: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Orym.

UTKARSH: Nice to meet you.

LIAM: Nice to meet you.

TALIESIN: Ashton.

UTKARSH: Ashton, pleasure is all mine.

MARISHA: Laudna.

UTKARSH: Laudna.

MARISHA: And this is Pâté.

MATT: "Hey, how's it going?"

TALIESIN: Oh, no.

MATT: You see this weird little undead rat thing with a bird skull.

MARISHA: He looks kind of like this.

AIMEE: Of course.

MATT: "Hey, how'd you do that?"

UTKARSH: Oh my god! That is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life!

MATT: "Thank you! Hee hee hee hee."

MARISHA: Yes.

UTKARSH: That's alive?

MARISHA: Well, kind of like me, sort of, is really the answer. Yes.

UTKARSH: What a day. Well, please, anything that's mine is yours. Please just accept my apologies. I want no trouble.

LIAM: Oh. We approached you in the dark. No hard foul.

MARISHA: I start going through his cart.

TALIESIN: No, no, I'm going to go into the pantry, see what he's got.

MARISHA: Look and see what he has. Yes.

TALIESIN: Bring together some fucking food, and I throw out what looks like a giant carpet, but is in fact just a weird black hole. And then jump into it.

AIMEE: Oh shit.

TALIESIN: Open up a like a--

LIAM: Big Looney Tunes hole.

TALIESIN: Yeah, Looney Tunes hole.

AIMEE: What are you doing in there?

TALIESIN: Going through the pantry. Hold on, I've got some cheese and shit down there.

UTKARSH: Oh my goodness.

LIAM: We got rid of the people, right?

AIMEE: What?

TALIESIN: I don't think we did.

MARISHA: Oh no.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Oh fuck.

UTKARSH: What people? What people?

MARISHA: That's right.

MATT: You glance down--

MARISHA: Are there dead people in there?

MATT: As you're having this conversation, you look down and see a handful of bodies wearing--

AIMEE: More fucking dead people!

MATT: -- red colored robes.

MARISHA: Ooh.

TALIESIN: Laudna, do you mind grabbing what we need off of this and getting rid of the rest? I start tossing them out of the hole.

LIAM: Okay, here's the thing.

MARISHA: Strength is not my thing. What do you want me to do with this?

TALIESIN: Oh, take the armor or the cloak off. Whatever is useful.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: Here's the thing. Our little trio has had a rough few days and we came directly from a real bad place, where people were trying to kill us. These fellows did not succeed and we were trying to get out of there in a hurry. So this is a terrible story and I'm making it worse, but I promise that these were not good people.

TALIESIN: Sorry, it did not occur to me what this would look like from the outside.

UTKARSH: I've never seen a dead body before.

TALIESIN: It's going to make the cheese smell weird if we don't deal with it now.

AIMEE: Immediately get rid of it.

MARISHA: You've never seen a dead body before?

UTKARSH: Oh, no, no. Not a murdered one, that's for sure.

TALIESIN: Today's your lucky day.

MARISHA: There's really nice boots that I'm taking off of them. If anyone wants any new...

TALIESIN: Still got some bread and cheese and I think we've got some bottles, it was like table wine, you know, not the good. So I'm going to come up with it.

AIMEE: That's fine. That'll do. Maybe I'll get some more wood. You said the fire was puny and sad.

MATT: Yeah.

AIMEE: Maybe I pick up some logs and throw--

MATT: There's a number of broken branches not that far off from someone falling from a height.

LIAM: Are you super swole?

AIMEE: Fucking swole!

TALIESIN: Fuck yeah.

AIMEE: I'm going to show you my character.

LIAM: No, I don't want to--

UTKARSH: You said I have an animal with me.

LIAM: Oh, the picture, I can.

MATT: There is, attached to the cart, a kind of--

UTKARSH: Donkey thing?

MATT: It's like a reindeer, but a little bit larger.

UTKARSH: Will it carry weight?

MATT: It can, it's used to pulling a cart.

LIAM: So much.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I am so pleased.

UTKARSH: If you want my reindeer to help move the dead bodies, we can--

LIAM: Is it two?

MATT: We'll say two.

TALIESIN: I think it was two.

MATT: I think it was two, yeah.

TALIESIN: You have a reindeer?

UTKARSH: Yes.

TALIESIN: I poke my head out.

UTKARSH: Behold.

MATT: You glance over.

UTKARSH: Yeah, this is Ratchet.

LIAM: Ratchet?

TALIESIN: That's a good name, actually.

LIAM: Hi, Ratchet.

TALIESIN: You're slightly cooler. I go back in and--

UTKARSH: Yeah. Ratchet, whatever they need.

MARISHA: Can you talk to Ratchet? Does Ratchet--

UTKARSH: No, I just pretend.

MARISHA: Oh, okay.

(laughter)

MATT: Orym, you hear the faintest bit of a crack of branches nearby.

TALIESIN: What? Oh.

LIAM: Forget about the dead bodies.

UTKARSH: I slowly load my crossbow.

AIMEE: Can I look down at my whip?

MATT: Yeah.

AIMEE: Is anything happening?

MATT: You feel it slightly buzzing in your grip as you go and touch it.

MARISHA: Does your whip talk to you?

AIMEE: No, it's just like, I don't know, it just heats me up a little bit.

LIAM: Something's coming along.

TALIESIN: Don't fire lightning.

LIAM: Let's get ready.

UTKARSH: Oh, right.

MARISHA: Fire up and hold an Eldritch Blast.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Hammer ready.

LIAM: We got trees around us, too?

MATT: You have many trees clustered around. There's this partial clearing with some of the broken branches and where the cart sits.

TALIESIN: Aren't we waiting, or do we say something? It's not like they can't see the fire.

LIAM: I don't know if it's-- Can I tell if it sounds like steps in the brush, or it's too faint?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah.

LIAM: Does the fire help me get my regular perception back?

MATT: Within the immediate vicinity, sure, yeah.

LIAM: Natural 20.

UTKARSH: Hey!

LIAM: Plus nine, so 29.

MATT: Indeed. You see, between some of the nearby trees, there is a figure walking quietly through, approaching the glow of the light and the sound of conversation that up until recently was filling the space. Some sort of a scout is glancing from the shadows and slowly approaching.

LIAM: Aggressively?

MATT: Carefully.

LIAM: With my foot, I push a dead body back into the hole.

TALIESIN: I just-- Oh, fuck, man.

AIMEE: The cheese is ruined.

UTKARSH: Should we get in the hole?

TALIESIN: I wouldn't.

UTKARSH: Okay.

LIAM: It worked okayish coming in. Hello? I see you there. Hello?

UTKARSH: I hide behind Laudna.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Impressive, if you can pull it off. There's not a lot of Laudna.

MATT: Actually, you're one of the few people that probably could.

TALIESIN: Yes.

MATT: Emily, if you wouldn't mind joining us at table, please.

(yelling)

TALIESIN: Which side?

AIMEE: Where's she coming? Where's she coming?

TALIESIN: Oh, no, which side?

EMILY: Hold on.

MATT: She's coming. She's coming.

(laughter)

TALIESIN and MATT: Hey!

(cheering)

MATT: Welcome.

EMILY: I forgot my pen. Does anyone have one?

AIMEE: I've got one for you.

MARISHA: I've got so many.

AIMEE: We'll share it!

MATT: We've got you.

EMILY: Hi!

AIMEE: Hi!

MATT: Welcome to the table.

TALIESIN: Oh my.

LIAM: Everyone here is super lost, and we have wine and cheese.

UTKARSH: And meat.

EMILY: Oh, I think I'm not stealthing up at all. I am here dispatched on a mission, and I want to meet people.

MATT: All right. Then as you step out of the shadow that is naturally cast by the darkness here, you also pick up quickly, this person is walking with intent as they approach the campsite.

EMILY: Yeah, think like Greenpeace clipboard person.

(laughter)

EMILY: That kind of intensity.

MARISHA: Outside of a Whole Foods.

EMILY: Yeah. With that intensity, you see, I am a elf from the Shadow Realm, so I'm a goth-looking elf with pointy teeth, pointy ears, emo girl tattoos that are runes, but runes instead of song lyrics, and a little raven on my shoulder. But I am dressed in the formal attire of a mage's apprentice. So I have a little academic beret, academic blazer, total indoor kid vibes. I've got little silk stockings that are already torn in several places. Little mage booties that probably are only meant to climb a library bookcase ladder. Yeah. Also, the most important thing is that you see that I am probably coming out of a tense conversation with a book.

AIMEE: Hmm.

EMILY: (clears throat) Hello. Hi. Do any of you, or all of you, if I am so lucky, have time to participate in a short brief survey about your experience with the Apogee Solstice?

LIAM: Whoa.

AIMEE: Fucking sucked!

TALIESIN: The living fuck?

EMILY: Okay. I love your enthusiasm. Can I just--

AIMEE: One star. Zero stars.

EMILY: Okay. I will take it out of there.

MARISHA: It seems so soon to already have bureaucratic surveys being done.

EMILY: Yes. Well, don't underestimate the fore-thinking of the Cobalt Soul.

MARISHA: Oh!

EMILY: Then I show off a little insignia.

AIMEE: Do we know what that is, or would any of us know what that is?

MATT: A number of you have probably heard of it.

LIAM: Did Beauregard introduce herself as a Cobalt Soul?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I believe so.

LIAM: I'm trying to recall.

TALIESIN: Maybe not.

MATT: I'm not certain if that was part of the intro.

EMILY: If any of you needs a little primer on the Cobalt Soul, it's crazy that you guys haven't heard of it, because it is the premier academic institution in Exandria. But basically, we-- I'm just an apprentice so far, but I think I can still say we, right? Anyways--

MARISHA: Apprentices are part of the organization. Take ownership in your station!

MATT: (British, pompous) "But don't forget to remember your place."

EMILY: Okay. Yeah, right. Okay.

LIAM: Is that coming from above me?

AIMEE: Wait, where'd that come from?

MATT: That was a sourceless voice.

AIMEE: Wait.

EMILY: Dynios.

AIMEE: You have a friend?

EMILY: Dynios. Hold on just one second. I'm going to-- Stay with me, though, but I'm going to leave. Dynios, I'm going to need you to not talk back to me in front of these people.

AIMEE: Now, why are you calling me by my real fucking name is the good question?

EMILY: What?

TALIESIN: What?

AIMEE: Denise?

EMILY: No, I was saying Dynios.

AIMEE: Oh. Whoops.

LIAM: I start rolling up the portable hole.

TALIESIN: Are you Mona or Denise now?

AIMEE: I'm fucking Denise. Now you know.

MARISHA: Denise is also a very pretty name.

TALIESIN: They're both good.

MARISHA: You look like a Denise and a Mona.

AIMEE: I thought you said Denise.

LIAM: Cross out Mona.

AIMEE: Who you talking to?

EMILY: Okay, so when the Cobalt Soul sent me here, I'm not exactly of the standard. Basically, they sent me with a sentient book chaperone. Introduce yourself.

MATT: She holds up this tome of black and brown leather with silver runes inscribed along it. It's a beautiful book. On the front, you can see where the folds of leather are, there's this scrunched face that's pressed into the front of it.

AIMEE: Oh!

MATT: There are no eyes, there's these small wrinkled slits where the eyes would be and the mouth slightly opens and he goes, "Hello, I am her assigned chaperone for her research."

EMILY: We're not getting along, if it's not obvious.

MARISHA: I think it does.

EMILY: Yeah. So, I mean, I'll just say it. I'm just going to say it. Can I just say? I'm going to say it. Dynios is a mage that was trapped in this book during a rivalry. Then somehow, the Cobalt Soul got their hands on this book. And now he is my boss, kind of.

AIMEE: So you're just airing his dirty laundry out there?

MATT: "Yes. It's amazing how quickly she does that."

AIMEE: Do you know where the fuck we are? You're two smart people. Where are we?

EMILY: Well, last I knew, we were at the Cobalt Soul, and they gave me this little questionnaire to ask anyone, and they said, "We don't know where you're going to go. We know you get sick when you teleport, so we're just going to let you get shunted," and then we just appeared here. And I was really hoping for a city, right? Don't you remember, we talked and I was like, "God, I hope we get a city."

MATT: "The intent was to have us transported to one of the various major metropolitan cities that were nearby or in proximity to one of the nexuses. Instead, we were sent somewhere in the middle of nowhere, which is wondrous, isn't it? It's great, so strange."

EMILY: It's so weird because our job is to collect firsthand experiences with the Apogee Solstice, and there's not exactly a good statistical sample size here.

MATT: "No, no. This does not look well for your first real outing, does it? I think this will reflect poorly on your--"

EMILY: Yeah, I know.

MATT: "-- paperwork when you return."

EMILY: I think it's going to really make it hard for me to get finally promoted from an apprentice if I can't get some--

AIMEE: Where did you and your dad come from? You said that. So you left, so you got put here when? Before the solstice or after? Do you hear the voice? Do you hear the crack? Do you see the sky?

EMILY: Did I hear the voice and see the crack?

MATT: (laughs) You were stepping outside of the library to prepare for the shifting of your being sent, haphazardly teleported to a location where you could check in on the experiences of the solstice. When you would've likely heard some conversation, sourcelessly. But you were also surrounded by a lot of other people that were talking, and then just here.

EMILY: There was just a lot of talk, really. So I don't really remember a voice, but I knew that I was going to arrive somewhere else, so I'm not really freaking out.

AIMEE: Hmm.

MARISHA: Your organization knew that everyone was going to get punted across the globe?

EMILY: Well, I don't really know what they knew, because like I said, I'm an apprentice and I'm not really privy to a lot of the bigger information, but they did know that it was going to be an unprecedented, world-changing, cataclysmic event.

MARISHA: Wait, we could attest to that.

AIMEE: This is why I don't fucking trust organizations, because they knew it was happening.

EMILY: Just all of them?

AIMEE: Any of them.

EMILY: Okay.

AIMEE: Especially you, and your dad.

TALIESIN: This is my personal hell, right now.

EMILY: He's not my dad.

MATT: "I'm not her father."

AIMEE: Okay. You're acting like her father. So, what did you know and when did you know it? You knew that people were going to be punted all over and you didn't say anything? You didn't warn anybody? That's nice.

EMILY: I'm going to give it to you really straight.

AIMEE: Please.

EMILY: Up until yesterday, I've been cleaning quills and emptying out mage's chamber pots. Okay. So my access to information, I think this was such a big event that they scrounged up every single apprentice and dispatched us all over Exandria to try and find out information. So that shouldn't make you trust my authority less, though.

MATT: "But I think it will help you understand my predicament, my lack of enthusiasm with being thrust out here with this individual."

MARISHA: You're not getting along with the sassy book, obviously.

EMILY: Sassy book.

MARISHA: Why are you carrying around the book? You can just toss the book, right?

EMILY: Okay, he's my spell book, right?

MARISHA: Oh.

EMILY: So all of my access--

AIMEE: You don't have them memorized?

EMILY: I don't--

AIMEE: The spells? You got to read them out?

EMILY: I mean, it's like a mage thing is the copying, it's the ritual of the--

UTKARSH: Can't write them on your hand?

AIMEE: It sounds really boring.

EMILY: I wouldn't write them on my hand, because then they would get washed off and it's--

UTKARSH: Maybe a leaf.

EMILY: Just a book, nice tangible material book.

UTKARSH: Find a rock.

MATT: "Please stop shaking me."

EMILY: Just the way they smell. (sniffs) Mm. Except for this one. I don't like the way he smells, but I mean, being in a library, the musty tomes, the smell of milky tea.

LIAM: Is there anyone else hiding in the woods right now?

AIMEE: Please, put us out of our fucking misery!

TALIESIN: Now's the moment!

LIAM: Now's the moment!

UTKARSH: Do I know what the Apogee Solstice is?

MATT: You're a farmer.

MARISHA: (laughs)

UTKARSH: That's what I thought. Guys, so sorry. I know I'm way behind here, but what solstice? Effigy?

TALIESIN: Whoa.

EMILY: Well, the Apogee Solstice is--

UTKARSH: Apogee?

EMILY: Apogee, yeah. I think it means furthest from something, apogee, yeah.

UTKARSH: What's going on?

MARISHA: You know the red moon, Ruidus?

UTKARSH: Yeah.

MARISHA: It... exploded. It met its zenith. It's maybe on...

UTKARSH: Oh my god.

MARISHA: -- Exandria now.

TALIESIN: Can we take a couple steps to see the beam, or?

MATT: It's a bit of a jaunt, but you can go there if you want.

EMILY: There's a beam?

MARISHA: Yes, you can see the moon.

TALIESIN: Oh, so you don't know? Does the Encyclopedia Exandria over there have fucking eyes or anything?

EMILY: No. Do you want me to dispatch him?

UTKARSH: Send him with the dead bird.

EMILY: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I don't want to talk to a book. That weirds me out.

EMILY: Okay, yeah.

TALIESIN: Do you all know that shit's gone down? That things have happened? That we have all been teleported to wherever the fuck this is?

EMILY: Right.

TALIESIN: Because the Apogee Solstice is a complete fucking mess and people have died and people are, I don't even (sigh).

MARISHA: Yes.

TALIESIN: I don't even know where the fuck to begin.

LIAM: Cut to the quick of it. The three of us, we're part of a larger group.

EMILY: No, I love this. This is good.

LIAM: Looking into the very thing you're talking about.

EMILY: Uh-huh?

LIAM: We're at ground zero when it went wrong.

MARISHA: It's a big deal. Actually, how about this? Because I want you to seize this opportunity that you have.

EMILY: I do, too.

MARISHA: Maybe if we go through your survey, your questionnaire.

EMILY: Yes.

MARISHA: It will all come out because it's so much--

EMILY: Okay.

MARISHA: -- to get through.

AIMEE: Yeah, yeah. Very smart.

EMILY: Okay.

(clears throat)

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

EMILY: (reading) "Greetings, people of Exandria."

MARISHA: Hello. Hi.

EMILY: Okay, "I--" (chuckles) I'm improvising this, but I'm going to pretend like it's written down.

UTKARSH: I pass out jerky.

EMILY: "I have been dispatched--"

UTKARSH: Just have some.

EMILY: "-- from the Cobalt Soul to collect firsthand accounts of this unprecedented event." I almost said, sorry, it's like when you read out loud in class and you get really nervous.

UTKARSH: I don't even know how to read.

EMILY: Where it's different, okay. "My name is--" Oh, here it says I'm supposed to introduce myself and say one fact that's interesting about myself and ask you all to do the same.

MARISHA: Okay.

EMILY: Okay. I'm Prism and--

MARISHA: Prism.

EMILY: -- the interesting fact about me would probably be that until I was 10, I could actually do a back walkover unassisted.

MARISHA: (gasps)

AIMEE: What the fuck is that?

MARISHA: Are you still that flexible?

EMILY: No, it stopped when I was 10.

MARISHA: Oh. Right.

EMILY: Yeah. But it's still pretty interesting.

AIMEE: That's the most interesting thing about you?

EMILY: Oh. I mean--

AIMEE: I think I just fell asleep.

EMILY: Did you? Because you seem very awake.

AIMEE: I'm asleep. I'm half asleep.

EMILY: Wow.

AIMEE: Keep going with your thing, please.

EMILY: Well, at this point, you would all then also share with me your names, which I will write down with my trusty quill and feel free to include something interesting about yourself, try and outdo me. (laughs)

AIMEE: (laughs)

MARISHA: That's fun.

EMILY: Okay.

LIAM: I'm Orym of the Air Ashari in Tal'Dorei and I can still do a back walk.

EMILY: What?

LIAM: And I do it.

EMILY: Really? I didn't think anyone could after 10. Can you do it? I'm sorry.

LIAM: I just did it right in front of you.

MATT: You watch him do it.

LIAM: You just watched it.

UTKARSH: (laughs)

EMILY: That's so fucked up. Can you do it again just one more time?

LIAM: Okay.

EMILY: Holy fuck.

MATT: (laughs)

EMILY: That's fucking crazy.

LIAM: I just did a lot of gymnastics growing up. It's no biggie.

EMILY: Are you a gymnast now?

LIAM: Sort of. I pull the blade out lightning quick and--

EMILY: What the fuck?

LIAM: -- pirouette and sling a shot of plant and vine to a tree 15 feet away and then yank myself to it.

EMILY: You just did that all with so little enthusiasm.

AIMEE: Is this foreplay?

MARISHA: (laughs)

EMILY: What? No, no. Ha, no, I get my rocks off with books. I mean, reading them.

AIMEE: This book, you dad?

EMILY: No, no, no!

MATT: "(annoyed sigh)"

EMILY: Okay, you.

MARISHA: I've seen some of those books. Chetney has some.

UTKARSH: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Oh boy. Ah. Ashton--

EMILY: Ashton.

TALIESIN: -- Greymoore.

EMILY: Greymoore.

TALIESIN: Something interesting about me? I don't know.

EMILY: It doesn't have to be back walkover-related.

TALIESIN: Not really into back walking. I have a dimensional nexus of infinite personalities in a hole in my head. I don't know. That's pretty good.

MARISHA: Mm-mm.

TALIESIN: Why the fuck not? It's time I, yeah.

EMILY: Holy.

TALIESIN: Why not?

MARISHA: That's great.

EMILY: Wow.

TALIESIN: There's a big glass window in my head that goes off into a weird little sparkly bit of something. It is disconcerting.

EMILY: That is beautiful. You all are so much more interesting than mages. (laughs)

UTKARSH: Can you go in there?

TALIESIN: I mean...

MARISHA: We had a friend who can do that. It got very complicated. I wouldn't recommend.

UTKARSH: Wow, that's something else.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

EMILY: Okay. What about you?

LIAM: There are so many layers to this conversation.

TALIESIN: I've given up.

AIMEE: Well, my name's Denise, as you so rudely revealed.

EMILY: What?

AIMEE: The S is a money sign.

(laughter)

EMILY: That's awesome.

UTKARSH: Get out of here.

EMILY: That's awesome.

TALIESIN: I got to fix this.

EMILY: Retroactively, I am going to retcon it that the S in Prism is too, yeah.

AIMEE: Oh. She likes to copy, oh wow.

(laughter)

AIMEE: Wow, we got an original live one here. Here's a fun fact about me.

EMILY: I am a scribe, so copying is my thing.

AIMEE: Oh, that's cute, that's cute. Listen, my nails are as sharp as fucking tacks. They can cut glass.

EMILY: Wow.

AIMEE: You see Deni$e's nails. They're stiletto-shaped like these, but so sharp.

MARISHA: Ooh.

TALIESIN: Fuck.

EMILY: You don't really know if they can cut glass, but they can definitely pierce skin a little bit.

TALIESIN: They could probably cut glass.

AIMEE: Probably cut glass.

LIAM: I like fresh cut glass.

MARISHA and MATT: (laugh)

EMILY: And you?

TALIESIN: Too soon, man.

UTKARSH: I'm Bor'Dor Dog'Son.

EMILY: Bor'Dor.

UTKARSH: And I'm just afraid and I need to get back home.

EMILY: You're just afraid?

UTKARSH: I need to get back home to my brother, who's sick. He's sick and he's ill and I have to take care of him and I don't know where we are. I don't know who you are, but I need to leave.

LIAM: And Bor'Dor has newfound abilities.

UTKARSH: Right, I don't know.

EMILY: What?

AIMEE: He's got a lightning bolt.

TALIESIN: That's interesting.

AIMEE: I lift up, is there a little burn on my side?

MATT: Yeah, you got a burn mark.

UTKARSH: I don't know how to do it.

EMILY: Wait, sorry, magic is just happening to you?

UTKARSH: Well, I guess.

MARISHA: Does magic happen to you, too?

EMILY: No, I studied really fucking hard to get it.

MARISHA: Oh.

EMILY: It's like 10 years of apprenticeship.

MARISHA: Sure.

EMILY: That's--

AIMEE: She doesn't have it memorized or nothing.

EMILY: Right, it's the ritual of the book. It's just a good book. Sometimes the magic is in the book.

UTKARSH: I don't have a book, but maybe you could teach me.

EMILY: Oh. (chuckles) Sure, okay.

UTKARSH: Because I really don't know what's going on.

EMILY: Sure.

MARISHA: Yeah.

EMILY: I'll be very, very transparent, like your head, that I--

MATT: (laughs)

EMILY: -- my magic has not been--

TALIESIN: Shit.

EMILY: -- technically field-tested. So I've never--

AIMEE: Oh, how nice.

UTKARSH: Neither has mine.

EMILY: -- cast a spell.

AIMEE: Two completely useless fucking magic people.

LIAM: Tough crowd.

EMILY: Yes. A tough crowd. Okay, and you?

MARISHA: (nervous laughs) The tension, there's a lot of it. I'm Laudna.

EMILY: Hi.

MARISHA: I also do magic, but I was born with it, I'm--

EMILY: Maybe she's born with it.

MARISHA: Naturally, yeah maybe.

EMILY: ♪ She's born with it ♪

MARISHA: ♪ Maybe it was a dead woman in my head. ♪ (nervous laughs) It was, yes.

EMILY: Wow.

MARISHA: The dead woman's not in my head anymore, I don't think.

EMILY: Whoa.

AIMEE: She's just got natural abilities.

EMILY: That's great, that's great. It's so great that some people get natural abilities.

UTKARSH: She has a dead rat that flies.

MARISHA: Oh, oh my god, he's going to participate in the survey, too! This is Pâté.

TALIESIN: Creepy.

MATT: "Oh my goodness, hello."

EMILY: (gasps) I haven't seen one of these since the Shadow Realm.

MARISHA: (gasps) So you know?

MATT: He perches onto your hand. "Absolute pleasure."

EMILY: I'll feed him some corn nuts.

MATT: "Oh, thank you."

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: "(munches) I don't eat, but this is interesting."

MARISHA: Just eat it. Don't be rude, eat it.

EMILY: They're all over the Shadow Realm and they love corn nuts.

MARISHA: He's a little--

TALIESIN: So that's why they make those.

MARISHA: He's a little wonky. He was a craft. I had a nice craft day and then he came alive one day, after.

EMILY: What's something interesting about you?

MATT: "Oh, me? Oh, am I a part of this, too? Okay. (grunts)"

MARISHA: You got this.

EMILY: Oh wow.

MATT: "I'm Pâté."

MARISHA: Pâté, what's your last name?

MATT: "Pâté de Rolo."

MARISHA: Good boy.

MATT: "(chuckles) And I'm really horny."

AIMEE: Oh.

EMILY: Oh.

AIMEE: That's a lot.

EMILY: Do you have a--

MARISHA: He's a rude child.

EMILY: -- means of release?

MATT: "I did once."

EMILY: That's just tragic.

LIAM: Death is the greatest release.

AIMEE: What the fuck is happening?

MATT: (laughs)

EMILY: Well, thank you all very much for your information. Oh wait, I haven't even asked the questions yet, right? Back to the scroll. (clears throat) Okay. "Question number one. On a scale of one to 10, how would you rate your experience with the Apogee Solstice?"

AIMEE: Goose egg.

UTKARSH: Zero.

TALIESIN: Yep.

EMILY: Zero? It's one to 10 actually.

MARISHA: Well, I mean, like, um-- Maybe a three.

EMILY: Really?

MARISHA: I don't want to be so--

TALIESIN: I feel like you're compartmentalizing a little hard right now.

MARISHA: I have to or I will break--

LIAM: I think we all have to.

MATT: Orym.

MARISHA: And I will not ever be the same.

MATT: You pick up some more rustling in the bushes. Your first instinct is oh, more people have found the source of light. But then as everyone else is talking around you, you focus in as their voices begin to drown out and it's larger and more consistent.

TALIESIN: Hmm?

MATT: Like someone pushing a heavy log through the floor of the forest.

EMILY: Okay, this could be more people and I have been deputized to seek out a statistically significant--

AIMEE: You just shut the fuck up and you stand right there.

LIAM: Just pause.

AIMEE: Just stand right there, little girl.

LIAM: Pause the survey for one second.

EMILY: I was just going to go walk over.

AIMEE: Shh!

EMILY: Ooh.

AIMEE: It's okay.

LIAM: Holding a bottle of wine, hoping for the best, listening really hard.

AIMEE: I grab my whip.

EMILY: Please don't kill them. I need them for--

AIMEE: Shh.

MATT: (scraping) It's like someone's dragging dozens of ropes across the underbrush. It's hard to really describe in your head what you can equate it to, but it's something, if not non-human, at the very least, it's larger.

MARISHA: Ashton.

MATT: It's slower and consistent.

LIAM: Okay, I'm not going to call out this time.

AIMEE: Don't call out.

LIAM: Everybody find a spot.

TALIESIN: I scoot towards you.

AIMEE: Is there a tree branch up above me?

MATT: Yeah, there's a number of branches above. There are some nearby trees. You can see the landscape as it rises up to some nearby cliff edges in the direction.

AIMEE: I'm going to take my whip and try to hoist myself up to one of the branches, get a better view, but also hide.

MATT: Great, make an athletics check for me.

LIAM: Orym drops the wine, does a back walkover and climbs up the same tree.

MATT: (laughs)

AIMEE: It's 14.

EMILY: So effortless.

MATT: 14, okay, you can--

TALIESIN: Whose wine did you use?

MATT: -- use the whip and pull yourself up. You watch as the dwarven woman, Deni$e, you just met just vanishes up into the tree above and then you as an acrobatics check?

LIAM: Acrobatics, please.

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: 18.

MATT: (swooshes) Darts up and also vanishes into the upper tree. Now it's just the four of you standing here.

MARISHA: I'll also go ahead and cast Spider Climb on myself. Form of Dread as I back walkover, but not really. I just go into a crab walk as my head bends backwards.

MATT: So explain for those who are present.

LIAM: Please describe for our guests.

AIMEE: Horrendous.

MATT: What you see Laudna does.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Her Form of Dread takes over her. You see her eyes start to widen as they go black and black ink starts to pour out of it.

AIMEE: Oh boy.

MARISHA: As almost the surrounding trees start to sprout out of her neck. Her veins just start to pop and bulge and extend and break into branches as her back cracks in an unnatural way, as her shoulders dislocate, go fully behind her, she plops back and then just skitters up the tree.

AIMEE: Oh my god.

MATT: (swooshes) (skitters) and it's just the three of you now.

UTKARSH: Well, unfortunately, I've never seen something so harrowing in my life.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: I forget where I am and I scream bloody murder.

AIMEE: No, goddamn it.

LIAM: That's real, that's real.

MATT: Yep.

UTKARSH: That's the scariest shit I've ever seen in my life. I also vomit all over myself.

AIMEE: Oh my god.

(laughter)

MATT: Bor'Dor just screams out loud, up-chucks a little bit.

UTKARSH: (retching scream)

MATT: As large plant-like tendrils (clamp) begin to reach out and clamber with intense speed like the floor of the forest itself is coming alive and rushing towards you. And that's where we're going to go to break.

<!-- BREAK BEGINS

ALL: Oh!

AIMEE: (claps) Oh shit.

LIAM: We've been traveling with "The Ring" girl for months. He's brand new.

(laughter)

MATT: Yep.

TALIESIN: I forgot.

UTKARSH: That shit's awful.

AIMEE: That's scary. I want to see that animated.

UTKARSH: I don't want to be anywhere near that.

AIMEE: I'm sure it didn't happen already.

TALIESIN: This is amazing, this is basically my high school lunch table, at this point. This has gotten way too real.

MATT: (laughs)

TALIESIN: God.

AIMEE: Love it.

MATT: We'll take a break here in a minute. First off, welcome to the table Aimee Carrero once again.

TALIESIN: Yeah!

AIMEE: Yay.

MATT: Emily Axford and Utkarsh Ambudkar, thank you so much for coming and joining us for this bit of the adventure.

MARISHA: Yes, let's go.

MATT: Happy to have you for this chaos. We'll be back here in just a few minutes. We'll see you shortly. This episode is brought to you by Nintendo and their new game, "The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom," which is available now. In this sequel to "The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild," you'll decide your own path through the sprawling landscapes of Hyrule and the mysterious islands floating in the vast skies above. Can you harness the power of Link's new abilities to fight back against the malevolent forces that threaten the kingdom? I know you can, as I've done so by jumping off of massive islands into series of glowing rings and doing little quests for people I just met and forgetting about the dangers of the kingdom and instead finding a really cute horse, making good food, and occasionally reminding myself that there's terrible existential threats to the landscape around me. So enjoy that experience with me by checking out "The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom." (Nintendo Switch Snap) (soft orchestral music) (epic music) (adventurous music) (mysterious music) (lights clacking)

(electricity crackles)

TALIESIN: Welcome to the Fairelands, a vibrant and diverse coastal valley found within the northern country of Hale. The year here is 1907, a time that feels very similar to your world at the turn of the century. People here are still reeling from the trauma of the last great war, embracing spiritualism and raucous debauchery in the wake of tragedy. Within the metropolis of Newfaire, citizens celebrate the sudden influx of technology and wealth by embracing all manner of vice and revelry. But beneath the city lies the remnants of an ancient alchemical civilization that fell to the misuse of horrifying magick. This same mysterious power still plagues the Fairelands today. Sinister creatures roam dense forests, enigmatic lighthouses illuminate dark waters, and diabolical powers harness arcane artifacts. For as long as this corrupted magickal bleed has run rampant through the Fairelands, a secret esoteric order known as Candela Obscura has used their centuries of knowledge to fight back. Each circle of investigators is composed of brave individuals recruited by Candela Obscura to work together. From criminals to professors, mediums to magicians, this team is called to protect the world from the horrors of the unknown. They are guided through the darkness by an enlightened veteran known as a Lightkeeper. Today, I will be yours, so stay close. (gentle yet ominous string music) (light switch clicks) (gentle yet ominous string music) Hey Critters! Laura Bailey here to guide you through what's new in the Critical Role shop. (gasp) Could anything be more perfect? It's the little things in life. Look at this. Isn't it fashion? So much fashion happening here. I mean the Traveler always says impulse purchases are a good decision. Roll an investigation if you want. It's basically perfect. I mean the Traveler always says impulse purchases are a good decision. This is a lot of stuff, you guys. We have so many cool things right now. And hey if you want, you could head over to the Critical Role shop right now. Hi. We're the narrators of Midst. What's Midst? It's very simple. It's a weird surrealist fourth wall breaking reality bending science, fantasy space western about a small, doomed planet floating in a cosmic ocean of spooky darkness. Upon whose alien landscape an ensemble cast of characters, including a crotchety outlaw, a freakishly virtuous cultist and a weird, diabolical bastard, make awful decisions and fight like hell to survive when the moon falls out of the sky and a large number of terrible things happened in rapid succession. It's exciting, it's funny, it's scary. It's got neat sound, weird music, amazing visuals, and every episode comes with bonus content you can read and examine. Midst is performed solely by yours truly. As the three of us narrate all the action, play all of the characters, and bend a lot of the rules about how telling stories is normally supposed to work. Midst is pretty fun, very strange, and it feels like VR for your brain. We believe you'll enjoy it. Or maybe you won't, but there's really only one way to find out. You're going to have to listen to Midst. (epic music) (mischievous music) (typewriter clacking) (peaceful music) Oh hey, everyone. It's me, Jester. So the Traveler and I were going to tell you guys all about subscribing to Twitch, but it sort of seems like he's not really here right now, which is so stupid. Traveler? Arty. (grunts) You know what, it's fine. I can do it by myself, with myself. I invoke Duplicity. Oh, hello Jester. Hi Jester. Okay, so what we're going to do today is tell the people at home all about the good stuff they get when subscribing to Twitch. Oh, I dunno what Twitch is, but that sounds good, let's go. No, that's perfect, 'cause this works for you too then. Okay so, there's a professionally-moderated live chat, and if you subscribe, you can post the links in the chat. Like a link to a cool hamster video? Exactly like that. So what we do here is tell like, really cool stories, right? And sometimes like crazy shit happens when we're telling those stories, and people that subscribe get special emotes so you can express how you feel. What if you live on the side of Exandria where it's really late, and you're like, "I'm just gonna close my eyes for a few seconds," and then it's two hours, and the music is playing, and you're like, "Oh no, I missed the whole show." Oh no, that's a great question. Well, if you subscribe to Twitch, then you can just watch all of our VODs as soon as the live broadcast ends. So cool, right? So cool. I know. Another really cool thing is you can give subscriptions to people. Like I could buy a subscription for you, duplicate Jester, and for other p-- What are you doing? Look what I found. Oh my gosh, paint brushes. I could draw a dick. Oh, well, technically, technically that might break Twitch's terms of service, so. But, there's no rule against, like, drawing chubby little snakes. (giggles) Yeah, or, or a really long balloon sword. Yeah, or like a really thick rope, with like, two hunky knots at the end of it. Cucumber, with two tomatoes, Yeah, a banana, you know, sitting next to an onion and an avocado. Like a mushroom, with like a little cap on it. A wiener dog, with just two feet. Yeah. Arty, where are you? Should we go look for him? Yeah, sure, why not. Oh, don't forget to subscribe to Critical Role. Okay, let's go. Okay.

(whimsical music)

MARISHA: Drama.

TALIESIN: Mm.

BREAK ENDS -->

Part II
MATT: Welcome back. So, as this scattered troop of strange, wandering, out-of-place ne'er-do-wells, heroes, whatever else you might want to call yourselves have gathered.

LIAM: Weirdos.

MATT: Weirdos, that's the proper term.

AIMEE: The Breakfast Club.

MATT: Indeed.

(laughter)

MATT: Gathered around a mid-forest fire, meeting some strange companions and then hearing the crawling threat of some sort of jungle or forest-based dangerous entity approach. Three of you have leapt into the nearby trees while the other three of you have a brief moment to give their reaction as well. What would you like to do before something threatens approach?

AIMEE: ♪ Mm-mm ♪

MATT: Ashton?

EMILY: Oh, you.

TALIESIN: Oh. I'm going to flank over to one side and take cover behind the cart and keep an eye on what's coming.

MATT: Okay.

EMILY: I'm going to cast Greater Invisibility on myself.

MATT: Okay.

EMILY: Get behind a tree. Bonus action, manifest the mind of my wizard's book and be like: Dynios, I need you to go into the fray. I need you to be brave.

MATT: "Are you serious? (scoffs) Fine."

EMILY: This is what you were made to do.

MATT: "I understand."

EMILY: Okay?

MATT: "I just wish to do it on my own regard."

EMILY: Yes, well, you have to. We have to work together here.

MATT: "True, true."

EMILY: I'm also going to send my raven with him.

MATT: Okay.

EMILY: Mother, join him.

TALIESIN: What?

LIAM: ♪ Mother ♪

TALIESIN: Mother.

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: (flapping)

AIMEE: She brought her mom and her dad, how cute.

MARISHA: Oh my goodness.

EMILY: He's not my dad.

AIMEE: Yeah, whatever.

MARISHA: Family in tow.

MATT and UTKARSH: (laugh)

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: Stepdad.

MATT: Bor'Dor, what are you going to do?

UTKARSH: I've screamed, I've vomited, and I'm--

MATT: Yeah, you know what? I'll call that your action.

UTKARSH: Yeah.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: I was going to say.

MATT: I would like everyone--

UTKARSH: What more can I give?

MATT: -- to roll initiative, please.

LIAM: Oh!

(exclaiming)

MARISHA: Oh shit.

LIAM: It's been months, give me that map and those minis.

AIMEE: Let's see that map.

EMILY: Okay.

TALIESIN: Okay.

AIMEE: Ooh.

TALIESIN: I can handle that.

AIMEE: Oh wait, I can do it twice.

UTKARSH: Wow.

TALIESIN: Oh no!

UTKARSH: It's beautiful.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

LIAM: ♪ Anything can ♪ happen in the woods ♪

AIMEE and TALIESIN: (laugh)

MATT: All right, so.

AIMEE: Wow, that's gorgeous.

MATT: Onto this point.

UTKARSH: Whoops.

MATT: We have, over here by-- Actually, you've turned invisible. I'm using some proxies for the minis for the guests. We'll have those shortly. You're back behind the cart. So, here we go. Prism.

EMILY: Okay.

MATT: This represents your invisible self here behind the cart.

EMILY: Ooh!

AIMEE: Cute.

TALIESIN: I would pop it now.

MATT: This represents Bor'Dor, who vomited and screamed.

AIMEE: Deni$e.

MATT: This is also your raven, by the way, out in this space here, if you'd like.

AIMEE: Mother.

EMILY: Mother. Mother, be brave.

AIMEE: Mother, may I sleep with danger?

MATT: Deni$e, you are up in this tree here.

AIMEE: Yes.

MATT: Just holding tight for the time being.

UTKARSH: Whoa, how'd you do that?

MATT: Putty. That's a Brennan Lee Mulligan trick, actually.

UTKARSH: Wow.

EMILY: Whoa, he taught you that?

MATT: He did.

EMILY: I can't believe you didn't know that before.

MATT: No, I did not. I'm very thankful, Brennan.

UTKARSH: That's so cool.

MATT: This one here.

TALIESIN: Oh. Do the...

LIAM: What?

TALIESIN: Read the... You have to read the map thing.

LIAM: Oh, I do. Where did it go?

AIMEE: Oh lord!

LIAM: Oh my god, the thing is missing.

AIMEE: Do I have it?

LIAM: No!

TALIESIN: There you go.

AIMEE: Read something?

LIAM: Where is it?

AIMEE: I don't know.

LIAM: It's on the floor.

AIMEE: I don't know.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

LIAM: I'm Sam Riegel!

MATT: Which tree are you up in in this area?

MARISHA: I'll say I'm on this one right here.

LIAM: Oh my gosh. This map brought to you by WizKids Combat Cam. The Tombtakers are out for blood, literally. This dark and mysterious group is now available for pre-order. Find them and many more Critical Role miniatures at wizkids.io/crminis and your local game store.

TALIESIN: Yep, perfect.

MATT: You're also behind the cart there.

AIMEE: I thought that said creminis, like the mushrooms.

MARISHA: Incredible.

LIAM: (laughing) Creminis.

AIMEE: Creminis.

TALIESIN: You did good.

AIMEE: .io.creminimushrooms.

MATT: For the odd tome.

AIMEE: "Hi, Sam."

TALIESIN: I think instead of the flask, I think you now need the fan and need to it to hold it up every week.

MATT: We're going to have this represent the tome that's in the fray over here.

MARISHA: Oh, see what we're going for.

AIMEE: The tome is in the fray.

MATT: The tome and the raven.

EMILY: Yeah, yeah.

MATT: I'll use that for the tome for the time being as a proxy.

EMILY: Okay.

MATT: As you watch, crawling through the brush, it's like the very floor of the forest begins to curl upward and reach out and grab and emerge, like the underbrush is fighting to dispel or destroy these strange--

AIMEE: Ooh.

MATT: -- invaders.

TALIESIN: Ugh, I don't like it.

AIMEE: Ew!

LIAM: (low growls)

AIMEE: Yuckies.

UTKARSH: Where is it? Oh!

MATT: As another one has curled up on the backside on this ledge here.

MARISHA: Are they vine creatures?

AIMEE: Oh no.

MARISHA: Made of vines, veiny vines?

MATT: So.

TALIESIN: I'd be careful.

MATT: Initiatives, 25 to 20?

LIAM: 23.

MARISHA: 21.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: Laudna. 20 to 15?

AIMEE: 19.

TALIESIN: 16.

MATT: All right. 15 to 10?

EMILY: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

MATT: 10 to five?

EMILY: Ooh!

AIMEE: Merp.

EMILY: Eight.

MATT: (laughs) All right.

UTKARSH: Seven.

MATT: All righty.

AIMEE: Mother.

EMILY: Mother. Mother, be brave.

MATT: All right. So Orym, you're up first. Up in the tree below, you watch as these two sections of the forest floor come alive and begin to reach out and begin to barrel forward like these hulking behemoths of tangled, rotted, sentient vegetation.

LIAM: Okay, I think, to begin, these things look like they can go anywhere they want here. So I'm going to spring from the top of that tree and land here, if I'm able.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: With my boots of striding and springing.

MATT: Leap over to there.

LIAM: I'm going to stay put and slash twice and use my blade Seedling to cut the air.

AIMEE: Yeah.

MATT: You can do that indeed.

LIAM: Send it 15 feet away for with the strike.

AIMEE: Whoa.

LIAM: Okay. First one is a 19 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: Okay. Keeping simple to start.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, I should get my dice together. All right.

LIAM: That is 11 and then second slash is lower. It's a 15.

MATT: 15 just hits.

LIAM: Just hits.

UTKARSH: Oh, whoa.

LIAM: That is 10 points.

MATT: 10 points of damage.

LIAM: I'm going to hold there and see what we do.

MATT: All right, as you land--

UTKARSH: It's dead.

MATT: (slashes) Two strikes in the air and you watch as these arced blade-like gusts of wind seem to fire out of his sword.

AIMEE: Ooh, what is that?

MATT: They cut into the back of this creature. (slicing crunches) You see roots and bits of plant matter and moss go flying as (angry growls).

AIMEE: Plant matter.

MATT: It seems to turn around a bit and notice your presence. Finish your turn?

LIAM: Sure.

MATT: All right, Laudna, you're up, with Deni$e on deck.

MARISHA: All right, I see Orym going for the one up front and I'm going to look at the other one and go: Kill it with fire! And hit a Fireball down at this back one.

MATT: At this back one?

MARISHA: Yep.

MATT: Oh man, all righty. (laughs) (sizzles)

(booms)

AIMEE, UTKARSH, and TALIESIN: Whoa!

MATT: A massive detonation (boom) emerges and engulfs the surrounding area in a sphere of burning fire, as a small, localized explosion splinters some of the nearby plant life and burns into a cinder the floor of the forest in its vicinity. Go ahead and roll damage, the DC on this? No, that's going to be a three.

MARISHA: Fail.

MARISHA: So 8d6, ooh.

MATT: 8d6.

MARISHA: Ooh, 10, 16, 19. 19, 29, 32 damage, fire damage.

MATT: All righty. (explosion) It burns everything around and as the flames subside, the creature there looks singed, but strangely a little more resistant to fire than you'd expect a plant-based creature to be.

EMILY: No!

MARISHA: On a plant creature? What?

MATT: (gurgling growl)

MARISHA: Form of Dread, so he does have to make a wisdom saving throw.

MATT: He does.

LIAM: I didn't ask how close my friends are. I said I cast Fireball.

MATT: (laughs)

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MATT: That's a 12.

MATT: Fail, so he is afraid of me and has to go the opposite direction.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: He is a-feared.

MATT: Or cannot get closer to you, at least.

MARISHA: Can I take a moment, noticing that it didn't seem to work as well, to shout out to everyone and be like: Fire, fire may have failed. Don't kill it with fire.

MATT: (laughs)

EMILY: Okay.

MATT: Says the terrifying goth tree lady. The creature--

MARISHA: (raspy, eerie wheezing)

MATT: -- sees you and (growls) begins to recoil in terror from your strange, also plant-like nightmarish visage. All right, that finishes your go. You want to stay put or move?

MARISHA: I am going to hang out in the tree.

MATT: You got it, sounds good. Deni$e, you're up, with Ashton on deck.

AIMEE: Okay, here we go. We're going to slow things down. Deni$e is going to leap off of this tree, and she's going to rage, and use her fucking sickle to cut twice.

(slicing)

MATT: This guy here?

AIMEE: Yep, that guy right there.

MATT: Leaps down.

AIMEE: Leaps onto him, I think.

MATT: Oh, onto him?

AIMEE: Yeah, I'd love to do that, and strikes him twice. Trying to do a slicing motion where its head would be.

MATT: You got it. Make two attacks.

AIMEE: Two attacks, okay.

MATT: Just standard or reckless?

AIMEE: Well, I don't think I need reckless if I want to do sneak because he didn't see me coming.

MATT: He didn't see you coming. You were up in the tree, so yeah.

AIMEE: I don't want to break sneak attack.

MATT: The first attack would have advantage because he didn't see you.

AIMEE: The first attack would have advantage?

MATT: Yeah.

AIMEE: Okay, so. Oh, do I add anything to this? Sorry, guys.

MATT: Yeah. You add your attack modifier next to your weapon. It should have a plus.

LIAM: Plus whatever weapon you have.

AIMEE: Oh, that's great. So that's going to be a 24.

MATT: That definitely hits.

AIMEE: Great.

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage on your great sickle.

AIMEE: Do I click this? Okay, it's rolling. The app is doing it or I can do it?

LIAM: The app is lagging.

AIMEE: The app is lagging.

LIAM: The app is frozen.

AIMEE: Here we go. So we're going to-- What is that? Oh well, that's a one. So nine.

UTKARSH: Woo hoo!

AIMEE: Nine. Oh, that's weird.

LIAM: Yeah, that's a nine on that.

AIMEE: It's also a nine on here, too.

LIAM: Popped up after.

MATT: Weird.

AIMEE: That's fucking weird as shit, okay.

MATT: Nine damage to it plus 2d6 because of sneak attack.

AIMEE: Plus 2d6 because of sneak attack, here we go. That's going to be a five.

MATT: All righty, so a total of 14 damage on the first strike as you land sickle down (slash) in the front of where you think its head might, be pull it free.

AIMEE: Yep.

MATT: It (growls) shifts underneath you like it's trying to shake you off like a massive dog.

AIMEE: Love that.

MATT: Make your next attack.

AIMEE: Okay, so that's going to be... ♪ La da da da da ♪ Sorry, guys. Ah, this is annoying.

LIAM: You're great. You're doing great.

AIMEE: That's going to be a 23.

MATT: That hits again, roll damage.

LIAM: I'm so happy you're here.

UTKARSH: Yay.

LIAM: Have fun.

AIMEE: Here we go. Oh damage. That's going to be a 10.

MATT: 10 points of damage on that strike. Great.

AIMEE: 10 points.

MATT: So after drawing the blade a second time, you (slash) and do a giant arc slice, this time sending a big chunk of plant matter flying off into the nearby shadow.

AIMEE: Yes, and then as I do that, can I also do the thing where I maybe knock it five feet back?

MATT: You can knock it five feet away from you, but you're on top of it, which means you can't really push it down. If you want to step off the back, you can do that, if you want.

AIMEE: Oh yeah, that's a good idea. So what if as I step off, I kick it with the back of my foot?

MATT: You can totally do that.

AIMEE: See what that does.

MATT: So as you land behind, you push it five feet forward right up into Bor'Dor.

AIMEE: Oh no, I'm sorry.

(laughter)

AIMEE: Oh, I guess it's payback time.

MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: (laughs) Fair.

UTKARSH: I mean yeah, fair.

MATT: That's fair. You land, double slice, kick off, land behind. Your whip on your side, your great sickle in your hand and I believe that's the end of your turn.

AIMEE: That's my turn.

MATT: All righty.

UTKARSH: It's dead silent and you hear the trickle of urine flow down.

(laughter)

MATT: Ashton, you're up.

TALIESIN: All right.

EMILY: So melodic.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I got to see a bit of that and I am very excited at this shit. I'm going to rage.

AIMEE: Yay!

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: Woo! Now we're having fun. Okay. Oh man, can I do this? Yeah, I can do this. It's going to be great. My weird little window in my head starts sparking and then becomes see-through and invisible.

AIMEE: Ooh.

TALIESIN: You can see right through my head and one of my eyes becomes a window straight through my head and my hammer starts to get a little phasey. I run around and I'm going to take a 25-foot run straight at that thing.

MATT: This one here or this one?

TALIESIN: That one. I'm going to turn around and take 25 feet directly at it.

MATT: You got it.

TALIESIN: Full speed, hammer back, and I'm going to take a swing. Yeah, let's do reckless because I really want this to hit.

MATT: You got it.

TALIESIN: All right. Yeah, it hits. 17, 27 to hit.

MATT: That definitely hits.

TALIESIN: I've got to do a quick thing because I don't quite remember how this works.

MATT: It's been a few weeks.

TALIESIN: All right. So damage is going to be 2d6 plus an extra d6 because I am using the belt of momentum.

MATT: Indeed.

UTKARSH: Holy sheesh, yo.

LIAM: Sheesh!

TALIESIN: Also it'll need a DC 17 strength saving throw.

MATT: Which it fails.

TALIESIN: All right. Four. Nine plus eight. That's, nine plus eight is... My brain. 17 points of damage.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: It moves 15 feet away from me in that direction.

AIMEE: Oh shit, 15 feet?!

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: It slams into the side of the rock pillar that you leaped on, Orym, and you feel the ground beneath you (rumble) shake a little bit as some of the rock gets knocked loose and (clattering) tumbles to the ground nearby. The creature hits back and you watch as it almost reforms its body as it falls back. The elements of its mimicry of a human torso and limbs shift (cracking) to be forward once more.

TALIESIN: Where's it staring at right now?

MARISHA: Little bit.

MATT: You have no idea. It doesn't really have eyes.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: It has plant tendrils for a face and they're all writhing and curling.

MARISHA: Plant tendrils for a face.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I don't quite know how much I've run so far but I'm going to take a few more steps back.

MATT: Okay. Over here?

TALIESIN: I'm going to use a chaos burst to use my Wormhole Strike. This will be fun.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Let's see how this goes.

EMILY: You're like a video game character.

LIAM: Those are the worst, they're awful.

TALIESIN: That's 21 to hit.

MATT: 21 hits.

EMILY: Can I do a chaos worm burst?

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I just yell: Hey, made ya look. And I swing my hammer down and a portal behind its head opens up.

AIMEE: Oh shit.

TALIESIN: It comes down on its head through a little wormhole.

MATT: You watch as he strikes down into a hole that appears in the middle of the air and his arms go into it. The hammer (swoosh) appears in the back of the creature.

AIMEE: God, what the fuck?

MATT: Slams it from behind.

MARISHA: Yeah.

AIMEE: Rad. Shit!

TALIESIN: We're going.

LIAM: That's like whack, wa-bing.

EMILY: I am taking notes of all of this.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: That's-- That's 12 plus eight. So yeah, 20 points of damage on top of that.

MATT: Woof! Nice!

UTKARSH: He's got to be dead.

MATT: A heavy crack to the back went (crack). You watch as the center of where a head might be splinters open and the tendrils writhe and scream trying to reach any sort of form of matter it can around before it reforms back into its torso. It looks like it's taken some hits.

TALIESIN: Heh.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Does that finish your turn?

AIMEE: Yeah, I'll say.

TALIESIN: That's everything I got.

MATT: All righty.

UTKARSH: Thank you.

AIMEE: Oh, was that it?

MATT: The bush that you backed into, suddenly you smell this very sweet smell. You've had this odd scent to the air that has a rotting fruit sweetness to it, but you feel some things begin to move and pull at the back of your leg. As you turn around, the bush shifts.

TALIESIN: God fucking--

MATT: Instead of really being much of a bush.

EMILY: Oh.

MATT: It rises up with these other vines and these beautiful flowers that blossom.

AIMEE: Oh no.

MATT: With a number of bodies.

AIMEE: Oh, ew!

MATT: That seem to--

EMILY: Wow.

TALIESIN: Oh, fuck me.

AIMEE: It's "Jumanji."

LIAM: ♪ Breathe out, breathe in ♪

(laughter)

AIMEE: ♪ Suddenly Seymour ♪

(laughter)

TALIESIN: It's right fucking behind me, isn't it?

MARISHA: Yeah.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: Oh lord.

MATT: At which point, it's going to have three of its tendrils whip at you from behind for-- Woo-ooh, that is 24 to hit.

TALIESIN: That hits.

MATT: 17 to hit.

TALIESIN: That's my AC.

MATT: That hits, and then 12 to hit.

TALIESIN: Nope.

MATT: So two of them strike you. You take, there we go.

LIAM: Every bush is suspect.

MATT: You take 13 points of bludgeoning damage reduced to seven or six because you're raging. As well as, ooh!

TALIESIN: Don't make that noise.

MATT: Sorry, Ashton takes 14 points of poison damage.

TALIESIN: Fuck off. Okay.

AIMEE: That sucks.

MATT: From one strike.

TALIESIN: 20 points of damage. From one strike?

MATT: Yep.

TALIESIN: Oh, good.

MATT: The other one that hits you does five points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to two.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it.

MATT: And nine points of poison damage.

TALIESIN: 11 points of damage.

MATT: There you go. All right, that's going to finish its go there.

TALIESIN: Ow.

MATT: Actually, it's going to shift (slithers), not leave your combat range.

UTKARSH: How hurt are you?

MATT: But it's now shifting around, and moving towards the reindeer who's (panicked groans) trying to pull away from the cart. The cart's starting to move. It's going to bolt. That finishes its go. Now this creature here is frightened. It can't move closer to you, so it's going to, five, 10, 15, 20, 25.

UTKARSH: You got to be fucking kidding me.

MATT: 30.

LIAM: Don't you attack that elk.

UTKARSH: You had to turn into a spider.

MARISHA: I'm sorry. I thought it was going to go was backwards.

LIAM: I will climb over your screen.

TALIESIN: You're going to make this personal.

AIMEE: Never kill the dog.

UTKARSH: Not even like a, "Hey, just so you know, I turn into a horrific creature."

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: As soon as you finish screaming and vomiting on yourself, you also hear the writhing of plant matter behind you and look over your shoulder just as it shifts away from the terrifying entity in the tree and then goes to do two slam attacks onto you as it moves past. That's going to be a natural one. It swings wide and you (whoosh) out of the way. You fall to the ground and it misses you entirely as you're trying to scramble back away from it. The second strike. That, however, will be a 24 to hit.

MARISHA: Silvery Barbs.

UTKARSH: Yeah, that hits.

MARISHA: Because I feel bad for making him puke on himself.

UTKARSH: What is that?

MARISHA: So as I see him slip in his own vomit.

AIMEE: Oh god.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Try and distract him.

MATT: That is an 18 to hit. What's your armor class?

UTKARSH: 14.

MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: That does still hit, but good try! Good try! All right, so you take--

TALIESIN: 14? Oh no!

MARISHA: Oh no!

UTKARSH: Hey, buddy! I wasn't expecting this!

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: He was hanging out with a bunch of sheep before this.

MATT: That's going to be 10 points of bludgeoning damage as you get (whoosh) uppercut by what feels like a battering ram.

UTKARSH: Owie!

MATT: You get knocked about three feet in the air, land back on your hip, and then just barely catch yourself back on your feet. But that's going to bruise in the morning.

UTKARSH: Yeah.

MARISHA: I can, however, give someone, as part of my Silvery Barbs, advantage on their next roll and I will give it to Bor'Dor.

MATT: You got it.

UTKARSH: That's awesome! Thank you!

MATT: This one here is going to, after it was slammed by Ashton, is going to turn around towards-- You're the nearest thing facing it--

TALIESIN: Sorry.

MATT: -- that is a threat after you've been taken over by the other plant creature on that side. It's going to take two slam attacks. Let's see. Yep. It's going to strike you twice.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: First one's going to be 10.

LIAM: No. Zip.

MATT: Yep. The second one is going to be a natural 20.

TALIESIN: Oh!

AIMEE: Oh man!

LIAM: Silvery Barbs!

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: That's gone.

MATT: Sorry about that!

UTKARSH: Silvery Barbs!

MARISHA: And it's gone.

MATT: 16 plus four. 20 points of bludgeoning damage as it takes that. The first one goes wide. You deflect it off your shield, you go for what you expect to be a backhand.

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: The other one just hits the shield so hard that it knocks you flat onto the ground and pushes you into the mound of rock. You hear the whole top of this upper platform (cracking) crack inward around you as you eventually shove it off.

LIAM: Question, and I'm fine if you skip it, if you say no, but on the first, it was a miss. I've never used this and I keep meaning to, can I riposte?

MATT: Yes, you may.

LIAM: A melee attack that missed.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: So, minor retcon on the first one slams, I hit the shield up, and then stab out with blade.

MATT: Totally.

LIAM: Catch it before it clocks me in the face.

MATT: Roll for an attack.

UTKARSH: Nice one!

LIAM: That'll hit. That's 24.

MATT: That definitely hits!

LIAM: We'll call that a seven of damage. I'm going to do a superiority die and goad the A-hole and just keep them on me.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: So he has to make a wisdom save.

MATT: Wisdom save is a seven. That's a failure.

LIAM: Failure.

MATT: So any attacks it makes against creatures that aren't you, it has disadvantage.

MATT: So total, so I add another seven, so that slash did a total of 14. Then I get rocked in the face by its attack.

MATT: So you get one stab in right before, uh-oh, (impact) you're slammed down and crushed into the side of this platform. All right, that finishes its go. Now you used your reaction on the Riposte?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: It's going to shift away from you--

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: -- and move over to Deni$e.

AIMEE: Yuck!

LIAM: I have all the boxes checked from the mega battle in the last game we were in.

MATT: Yeah.

UTKARSH: Uh-oh.

MATT: You haven't had a short rest yet.

LIAM: I have a lot of stuff! Oh cool! That's important.

MATT: Yep! All right finishing their go, now it's Prism's go, with Bor'Dor on deck.

EMILY: Okay. So I see all these plant creatures and I smile big and look at everyone and say: How's this for a field test for my magic?

(weak laughter)

TALIESIN: None of us can see you.

AIMEE: (laughs) Right!

MARISHA: That's right, you're invisible!

(laughter)

AIMEE: Oh god! You're still here!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: That felt so good!

EMILY: Then what I want to do is I want to bonus action, send Dynios in between all three of these guys.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

EMILY: Then I'm going to cast a spell through him.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Oh, cool!

EMILY: From his place. But since I'm invisible, would I have advantage on attacks?

MATT: If it's an attack roll, then yes, you would.

EMILY: So I'm going to Steel Wind Strike these three guys.

MATT: Ooh!

TALIESIN: Ooh!

MATT: Yes, you can!

MARISHA: Wait, you can attack through your book and not lose your invisibility?

EMILY: Dynios!

MATT: It's Greater Invisibility.

MARISHA: Oh, it's Greater Invisibility! That's sick!

EMILY: Dynios!

UTKARSH: (laughs)

EMILY: Let's do the sword one! Then I'm going to take three attacks with advantage on each of them.

MATT: Indeed.

TALIESIN: I love this.

EMILY: That's a crit. That's two crits!

MATT: Ooh! Oh shit! (laughs)

(cheering)

EMILY: Then a... Sorry, I don't know what my thing is yet. Then that was a 17, becomes a 26 to hit?

MATT: That hits as well.

EMILY: Then another nat 20!

MATT: A natural 20 again!

(cheering)

MATT: This is insane!

MARISHA: Retire!

EMILY: I was literally sitting back there being like, these fuckers all rolling all these nat 20s coming out. I'm going to be the dunce guest!

AIMEE: Nice!

EMILY: I'm not the dunce guest!

MATT: Uh-uh!

EMILY: Okay, so now I'm going to roll my damage against each of them.

MATT: All righty.

EMILY: Here's one of the crits.

MARISHA: Dang!

EMILY: Does zero become 10?

MATT: Yes, it does.

EMILY: Okay.

LIAM: Oh!

AIMEE: Oh my god!

TALIESIN: (laughing) "Does zero--" That's the meanest thing you can say!

MARISHA: You've got really pretty dice!

AIMEE: Yeah, what is that?

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's a really--

MATT: So whatever the number is, then double it.

EMILY: Surely!

AIMEE: Don't gatekeep the dice brand.

LIAM: 6d10. This is going to be nasty!

EMILY: Plus 19 plus four becomes 23, plus five.

AIMEE: (laughs)

EMILY: 24 plus five becomes 29. 29 twice.

MATT: Okay.

AIMEE: Wow!

MATT: So do you want to roll for each one, or you just roll once and then they all take the damage?

LIAM: 58.

EMILY: Whatever you want to do. What's easiest for you?

MATT: I mean, you just say the number and say that the one in the middle, right there, the one that you've already hit takes 29.

EMILY: 58! Because I crit.

MATT: Right, and the other two take 58.

EMILY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

MATT: Because you crit the other ones.

EMILY: Yeah, yeah. So we'll do it that way.

MATT: That will work.

LIAM: Were all three critted or were two of them?

EMILY: Two of them crit.

LIAM: That's pretty good!

MARISHA: Which is fucking awesome!

EMILY: Really lucky.

(laughs)

TALIESIN: That's disturbing.

EMILY: Then I say again: How's that for a field test?

MATT: So--

MARISHA: You nailed it!

EMILY: (laughs)

MATT: How do you want to do this?

ALL: Oh!

MATT: As the one that was shambling towards Deni$e, describe how the book transforms to facilitate your Steel Wind Strike.

EMILY: I think that the book has a bunch of, it almost sounds surgical equipment, but it's bookmarks being like (mechanical parts shifting) and then he just (rapid flapping) Then shreds them up.

AIMEE: Oh, rad!

MATT: Hell yeah! (laughs)

EMILY: Paper shredder!

AIMEE: Paper shredder!

MATT: (whirring) It just carves through--

UTKARSH: Paper shredder?

EMILY: Yeah.

MATT: (impacts) Into all three of them. You see splashes and blasts of destroyed plant matter and other forms of organic matter. But the one that currently had been previously shredded by Orym and then hit heavily by you, it just explodes and just rains compost down onto everyone in the vicinity of it. Deni$e, you are just sprayed.

AIMEE: Yeah, just full of shit!

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: Right on top of Bor'Dor, who's already covered in vomit.

MATT: Indeed, yes. Everybody in that vicinity.

EMILY: I will shout out to Mother because I saw what Deni$e was doing and so I'm going to say: Mother! Go to the loud one!

AIMEE: (laughs)

EMILY: Because she might need, for sneak attack.

AIMEE: Aw!

MARISHA: Oh cool!

TALIESIN: Oh yeah!

AIMEE: Wait, what does that do?

EMILY: It just will help you get sneak attack.

AIMEE: Oh, thank you!

TALIESIN: Yeah.

AIMEE: Oh, because-- Oh yes, yes, yes, yes.

LIAM: It will distract your enemy.

AIMEE: Oh, what a nice-- You know what?

MATT: Fantastic.

AIMEE: You're okay!

(laughter)

MATT: Awesome. Does that finish your turn?

EMILY: Yeah, and I'm still invisible.

MATT: You're still invisible. You are still over here behind one of the big guys, if you wanted to move. It doesn't know you're there, as far as you know.

EMILY: Yeah. Can I really quietly move back?

MATT: I'll say with invisible you can scoot away a bit. Yeah.

EMILY: Okay.

MATT: There you go.

EMILY: Going pretty well.

MATT: We'll put it right there.

LIAM: She's an elf. She's had hundreds of years to work on her battle zingers, by the way.

(laughter)

AIMEE: Yes! "How's that for a field test?"

EMILY: Well, because we're fighting-- Oh, sorry. Was that not clear? We're fighting plants, right? They come from the field!

TALIESIN and MARISHA: Oh!

AIMEE: Oh! Yeah. I didn't get that.

EMILY: Oh, oh, so that's why there was silence because no one got it.

AIMEE: Yeah, no one got it.

UTKARSH: (laughs)

MARISHA: The best jokes are the ones you have to explain.

LIAM: Have to explain.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: You're like a teenager with the bath towel, looking in the mirror, trying them out, and like--

MATT: (laughs)

EMILY: I just dreamed--

TALIESIN: One day.

EMILY: I knew someday I'd get an actual battle and I planned that I was going to say this, but I didn't know we were going to be fighting plants! It's perfect!

MATT: It's perfect! Bor'Dor, you're up!

MARISHA: (laughs)

UTKARSH: Far out! Okay.

TALIESIN: I don't even know where he is.

UTKARSH: What do I want to do, guys?

LIAM: A farmer who doesn't know his own abilities.

EMILY: All right.

LIAM: Fighting is fascinating.

UTKARSH: I don't have--

MARISHA: Anything could happen.

EMILY: Just a magical farm boy.

UTKARSH: Yeah, I'm learning in real time.

LIAM: (retches)

MARISHA: Pandora's Box, but in a person!

MATT: Kind of.

UTKARSH: So I'm hunched over, right? I've been--

MATT: You've been sprayed with yours and other creatures matter.

UTKARSH: It doesn't feel good, I got to say.

MATT: Not really.

UTKARSH: I don't like it.

EMILY: (laughs)

UTKARSH: I do... What's a cantrip?

MATT: Cantrip is a spell--

MARISHA: You can cast it for free-zies.

EMILY: It's a little spell.

MATT: It's a tiny little spell that you can use as many times as you want.

TALIESIN: Never-ending.

UTKARSH: Okay. So I'm hunched over and I don't feel good.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

UTKARSH: Something-- Guys, I don't like this at all! This is not going well. I feel my fucking insides go to ice. They're cold as shit! I'm like: Oh, I'm going to die. This is it for me. It's happening. But instead, as I'm hunched over, out of my back shoots a Ray of Frost--

MATT: (frost exploding)

UTKARSH: -- into this--

MATT: Into this creature here?

UTKARSH: That guy's face.

AIMEE: Rad.

MATT: You got it. Roll an attack with your spell attack modifier.

UTKARSH: Tell me what that means.

EMILY: You have plus eight.

MATT: So you roll a d20.

UTKARSH: 2d8. Wait, roll the d20?

EMILY: So you roll-- Yeah.

MATT: Roll that and then add your--

UTKARSH: 14.

EMILY: Plus eight.

UTKARSH: Plus eight. 22.

MATT: 22 hits! Go ahead and roll damage on that.

MARISHA: Great!

UTKARSH: Jesus Christ, you guys!

LIAM: Bor'Dor just sharted shards!

(laughter)

MARISHA: You just hear Laudna from above go: It gets better!

UTKARSH: Yeah, right.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Promise!

UTKARSH: Which one is the eight? Sorry, guys!

TALIESIN: Oh, no. Welcome to it.

MATT: That's all good.

MARISHA: The little diamond-y one.

AIMEE: Little spiky.

EMILY: This is one eight.

LIAM: Perfect diamond.

UTKARSH: The perfect--

MATT: That one.

UTKARSH: This? Okay.

MATT and MARISHA: Yep.

TALIESIN: The two pyramids glued together.

UTKARSH: Two pyramids glued together, for you at home. Learn. Watch and learn.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: My failures are your success.

MARISHA: (laughs)

AIMEE: Oh my god, that's so cute!

UTKARSH: Six and eight is 14.

MATT: Ooh!

MARISHA: Good roll!

MATT: Nice!

UTKARSH: Do I add this eight to it?

MATT: No, it's just the 14. So 14 points of cold damage. Awesome!

TALIESIN: Does it seem it like--

MATT: Then does it reduce its speed as a Ray of Frost? I think it reduces it by 10 feet, right?

MARISHA: 10 feet.

UTKARSH: Okay.

MATT: Awesome! So as you lean forward and-- (frost blasting)

UTKARSH: What the hell?

MATT: The Ray of Frost fires out, blasts the front of this creature, and as it (frost cracking) goes to a solid beam as you lurch forward. It leaves ice crystals and freezes over this layer under the front of the plant creature that has to back up, unable to pull its physical body away before it (shattering) breaks out of the ice. But you can see it's taken a heavy amount of damage from it. Not bad.

MARISHA: Mm.

MATT: You can stay put, you can move. But if you move away from it, it will get an attack of opportunity, likely.

UTKARSH: I'm going to lie down and make myself a small target.

(laughter)

MATT: Okay. You go prone.

MARISHA: It's a tactic.

(laughter)

MATT: Does that finish your turn?

AIMEE: Did you just really going prone?

UTKARSH: Huh?

MATT: Does that finish your turn?

UTKARSH: Yeah, I'm done.

MATT: You got it!

LIAM: I love it.

MATT: All righty.

UTKARSH: Oh my god, what's happening?

(laughter)

MATT: Top of the round.

(laughter)

EMILY: So many magical people here, and yet I want to write about you the most!

(laughter)

MATT: Orym, you're up first with Laudna on deck.

LIAM: Oh man! I can tell the rough time that Bor'Dor is having, so I'm going to leap. Boom, boom, boom. I'm going to Bait and Switch this gentleman and drag him real quick. No. Yes, because he can't get attacked when I do it.

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: Stand in front of his prone fetal position.

AIMEE: Aw!

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: Self.

UTKARSH: Thank you.

MATT: Perfect.

AIMEE: What a hero!

MATT: You yank him back and land right in front with your shield.

LIAM: Yeah, I grab him by the waist, by your waist and pull, almost give you a wedgie, but don't, and drag you back and leap into where you were.

MATT: So it's twice you got wedgies in one five-minute period.

EMILY: (laughs)

UTKARSH: It's cool. I don't underwear.

EMILY and MATT: (laugh)

LIAM: I'm just going to--

MATT: That's why it's almost.

UTKARSH: (laughs)

LIAM: We're just going to start cutting.

MATT: Everyone's just getting real fresh with you.

UTKARSH: (laughs)

LIAM: Do I have any gas left in the tank? Not much. Regular. That's real low. That probably misses. That is 14.

MATT: 14 misses, unfortunately.

LIAM: Second is an 18, which hits.

MATT: That does hit.

LIAM: That will be... ♪ Da-pa da-pa da-pa ♪ That is a nine. Action surge. I'm going to continue on here. If the thing is tendril-ing over, I'm trying to cut away what I take to be at spaghetti face.

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: Second attack is a 22, and the last one is a 16. So those both hit.

MATT: Yes, they do!

UTKARSH: Bang! Bang!

LIAM: Five, six, 11 more and then 10 more.

MATT: Ooh! Gotcha.

LIAM: I just rain down green zucchini noodles.

MATT: (slicing) Just mulching the--

EMILY: Oh, like a Zoodler!

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

UTKARSH: Yeah. I whisper to you: You're amazing!

EMILY: (laughs)

MATT: Now how much do you add to his AC?

LIAM: Oh, that's right! Yes, he gets it all. One.

MATT: Okay, so you have plus one your AC for the next round.

UTKARSH: Sweet!

MATT: From him pulling you into a defensive position.

LIAM: Yep, the wedgie gives you a plus one to your AC.

MATT: There you go.

UTKARSH: Didn't she give me something extra for my turn?

MATT: She give you an advantage--

MARISHA: You get an advantage.

MATT: -- on your next attack roll or next roll that you make.

UTKARSH: Oh, got it.

MARISHA: Which you can still use. It's not gone.

MATT: Laudna, you're up, with Deni$e on deck.

MARISHA: Are these, the two plantimals, within 10 feet of each other, if I did a 10-foot sphere?

MATT: Mm.

MARISHA: It doesn't look it.

MATT: A 10-foot radius?

MARISHA: A 10 foot radius between--

MATT: A 10 foot radius? If you were to put it high enough, you could hit them both, but you will also hit the reindeer.

MARISHA: That's all right.

(laughter)

AIMEE: Aw!

TALIESIN: Boo!

MARISHA: I won't hit the reindeer! I won't hit the reindeer!

AIMEE: She said: Fuck that reindeer!

MARISHA: It's friendly. I am going to hit the planties with Wither and Bloom.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Has the reindeer taken damage?

MATT: Not yet.

MARISHA: You've taken damage though, right?

UTKARSH: A little bit.

MARISHA: A little bit? You're right there in the middle?

UTKARSH: Yeah, but I'm protected by my hero.

EMILY: (laughs)

MARISHA: And are you in there? Have you taken--

LIAM: He's got three feet of halfling in front of him. He's fine.

UTKARSH: Yeah!

MARISHA: Have you taken damage?

LIAM: Yes.

MARISHA: A decent amount? Or it's fine. I'll give it to you because you're protecting. Wither and Bloom. So the two baddies have to make a constitution saving throw.

MATT: Constitution Save.

MARISHA: Then, you get to roll a hit dice, if you want to.

UTKARSH: Damn!

MATT: It's a 12 on the guy who's frightened of you.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: And an eight on the other one. They both fail.

MARISHA: Fail! So they take necrotic damage, and it says, vegetation in that area withers. I don't know if this applies to them, but that would be cool if they do, especially because that was a dog shit roll!

MATT: I'll say--

MARISHA: Six points.

MATT: Add an additional d6 as part of them being vegetation--

MARISHA: Fuck yeah!

MATT: -- in the necrotic effect area.

MARISHA: I'll take it! Yeah!

MATT: For a total of?

MARISHA: 11 points to both of them.

MATT: You gotcha. 11 points to each.

MARISHA: Then Orym gets his hit dice.

LIAM: Thank you.

MARISHA: I'm going to quicken that one, and then that was a quickened spell. Then I'm going to, pew pew, hit them both with Eldritch Blasts.

MATT: Roll for two Eldritch Blast attacks. Go for it.

MARISHA: Okay, we'll take the one that was closest. 13 plus eight is 21, and then the other one was real bad for 11.

MATT: 11 misses, unfortunately. So you hit the one that's already frightened of you. Though he won't be frightened at the end of this turn, right? Does it stay until he makes a save?

MARISHA: Although, I'm still Form of Dread. So they actually both have to roll--

MATT: Have to roll again to see if they're afraid of you? Okay, got it. Well, at least one of them that you hit, right?

MARISHA: Correct.

MATT: The one that that's already frightened, that's going to be--

MARISHA: Well, I hit them both with Wither and Bloom, though.

MATT: Oh, that's true! Yeah! So natural 16, which is success. That guy fails. So the frightened adjusts over.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: To now be on this one.

UTKARSH: Oh, thank god!

MARISHA: And--

LIAM: Vegemite splatters everywhere.

MATT: (splattering)

(laughter)

AIMEE: It smells yeasty in here!

UTKARSH: (laughs)

LIAM: Whap!

MARISHA: He takes, okay, it is up to a d4 now. Another nine Eldritch Blast damage.

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: That was a huge one.

MATT: Just throwing it down from the top of the tree.

(blasts)

MARISHA: Yeah, that's my turn.

MATT: All right. That's your turn. All right, that brings us to Deni$e, with Ashton on deck.

AIMEE: All right! So Deni$e is going to run up and, with all of her little dwarven might, is going to jump as high as she can towards this "Suddenly, Seymour" plant.

MARISHA: ♪ Suddenly Seymour ♪

MATT: You got it. Well, at the top of your turn, the terrifying stench that seems to permeate the air surrounding this one odd flower filled with corpses and rotting flesh threatens to overwhelm you. Make a constitution saving throw for me.

LIAM: It's a corpse flower!

AIMEE: Is it a poison?

UTKARSH: Oh, it totally is!

MATT: It is considered a poison effect, I'd say. So you have advantage on the roll.

AIMEE: I do have, because of I'm dwarven?

MATT: Indeed, you are.

AIMEE: Okay. So okay, that's one. Okay, I'm going to go with the other one. So that plus this is going to be 16.

LIAM: Is it a save? A con save?

AIMEE: Oh, wait.

MATT: Con save, yeah.

AIMEE: Oh, plus eight! Okay, so what's 13 plus eight? Anyone? Anyone?

MATT: More than enough!

AIMEE: More than enough!

TALIESIN: 21. 21.

MATT: You've wallowed in the worst elements of urban society. This is nothing!

AIMEE: This is nothing! I've smelled dead bodies in the hall! Then, so can I do that? Can I jump and try to stick my sickle right in the back?

MATT: Yeah, you can--

AIMEE: Then, just let the weight of it just drag it down.

MATT: Drag it down. Yeah, you can.

AIMEE: Okay, let's see what that's--

MATT: Now, because you have Ashton in combat, you get sneak attack for attack.

TALIESIN: Yep!

MATT: So go for it.

AIMEE: What does that mean?

LIAM: You get to add sneak attack damage if you hit.

AIMEE: Oh, if I hit it!

TALIESIN: Also, you have advantage.

AIMEE: Okay, so that's 10 plus 10 is 20!

EMILY: Yeah, I sent Mother over.

MATT: That's true! Yeah. So you have advantage on the attack as well.

AIMEE: So that's 20 to hit.

MATT: That definitely hits.

AIMEE: Okay! Now, I'm getting my d8!

MATT: Plus 2d6.

AIMEE: Oh!

MATT: For sneak attack damage.

AIMEE: Oh! Right? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so then that plus eight is 11.

(laughs)

LIAM: Then, the sneaks.

AIMEE: Then the sneakies. That's going to be 10. So 21.

MATT: 21 points of damage on that first strike. As you stab into it (whooshes) full weight as the raven over here is (squawks).

AIMEE: Thanks, Mother!

MATT: Making the plant really confused.

AIMEE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: As you drag down, roll for your next attack.

AIMEE: Okay, well, my next attack I would like to be-- So did it fall? Did it falter? What happened?

MATT: I mean, it took a heavy hit, but it's still looking like--

AIMEE: So then maybe, as it-- because I weighed it down a little bit, maybe I can just take it and try to slice one of its legs off because there's tentacle legs.

MATT: Sure. All right. So yeah, you drag down for the first strike, withdraw the blade, and then swing underneath.

AIMEE: Okay, so that's 16. But I don't get anything special with that because only sneak attack's for the first one, right?

MATT: Correct.

AIMEE: So 16 to hit.

MATT: 16 hits, roll damage.

AIMEE: So, ah! Whoa!

MARISHA: Ooh!

AIMEE: Seven plus eight is 15.

MATT: Indeed.

AIMEE: I don't think I add anything to that. So just 15.

MATT: Yep, just 15. So (blade slicing) you cut through two of its dangling, load-bearing leg vines. It shifts to one side, but then manages to catch itself and right its balance, but it's a heavy hit. You still have your bonus action.

AIMEE: Yeah, can I try to use one of my legs to swipe the legs that it's on to see if I can knock it prone, as my bonus?

MATT: As a bonus action, you're trying to knock it down, the only bonus action attack you could take would be with your whip.

AIMEE: With my whip? Okay, then I'll take that fucking whip and try to grab one or two legs and see if I can pull it, see if I can knock it prone.

MATT: Okay, sure. I'll allow it. So this isn't a damage attack, you just and it would be your athletics--

AIMEE: Raging?

MATT: You're using your bonus action essentially to shove or knock it down, so roll an athletics check, versus its athletics as well.

AIMEE: Athletics. Ooh! Okay, so that's going to be, hold on now. That's going to be a 21.

MATT: 21. It rolled a 19.

AIMEE and UTKARSH: (cheers)

TALIESIN: Nice!

MATT: After striking it twice, you pull out your whip (whoosh, crack) and yank it out from underneath. The whole creature (gross groans, thuds) slams into the ground prone.

MARISHA: Yes!

AIMEE: Did he say called into-- yeah. Love it. And that's my turn.

MATT: That's your turn. All righty. Finishing Deni$e's go, Ashton, you're up.

TALIESIN: It's down.

MATT: It is.

TALIESIN: Cool. So I'm going to start wailing, I'm going to start pushing it back into the earth.

MATT: Okay.

UTKARSH: (laughs)

TALIESIN: I've got advantage because it's on the ground, right?

MATT: You do.

TALIESIN: All right. First hit is--

LIAM: Go backwards.

TALIESIN: Come on. 18?

MATT: 18 hits.

TALIESIN: All right. I'm going to do that, let's see, 18-- So that's-- There's my brain. Look at that, that's-- Come on, roll well. 12 points of damage.

MATT: 12 points of damage in the first hit.

TALIESIN: Then let's do this again. Make sure I'm doing this right, too. Well, I'll check in a second.

MATT: Also, if you wouldn't mind, we'll finish that.

TALIESIN: The next one is 21 to hit.

MATT: 21 to hit. All right. Go ahead and roll a constitution saving there for me real fast, since you were within stench radius.

TALIESIN: Okay, okay.

LIAM: (toots)

AIMEE: (buzzing toot)

MARISHA and EMILY: (laugh)

TALIESIN: 16.

MATT: 16's a success, yes. Continue your turn as normal. (laughs)

TALIESIN: All right, I was just about to roll damage. I'm also going to do a thing that I have to quickly look up because I don't remember quite how it works.

MATT: Been a few weeks here.

TALIESIN: Well, I'll do the damage while I do this.

MATT: You got it.

TALIESIN: It's 15 points of damage.

MATT: 15 points of damage on that.

TALIESIN: And da-da-da-da-- Sorry, this is going to be a quick thing that I look up. It won't take more than a second. I'm going to push it in a-- I just have to see if it has a-- If it can do anything about this. I'm going to push it into the cart. So I'm going to give it a shove with that last hit and scrape it in the ground and move it five feet away from me.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: It doesn't have to go directly against me. I can move it in any direction I'd like.

MATT: All right. So where do you want to move it?

TALIESIN: I'm going to make it so both of us have five feet, so that neither of us are within its range.

MATT: You're bringing it into the--

LIAM: Oh, you're bringing the dwarf.

TALIESIN: Into the cart.

MATT: Into the cart?

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: (intense grinding)

AIMEE: Whoa!

TALIESIN: Now, I'm going to--

MATT: Cart is destroyed, splintered on the ground.

EMILY: No! (laughs)

AIMEE: All that food!

LIAM: Sorry!

EMILY: I was in that cart!

TALIESIN: Now, I'm going to--

EMILY: There weren't any sheep in there, were there?

TALIESIN: Nice. I'm going to roll around to the other side of the little path over there and give a little coverage to our sad little--

MATT: Right over here?

TALIESIN: Yeah. To our sad elf on the ground.

MATT: All right. So you're moving out of its combat range.

TALIESIN: Well, I should have pushed it five feet out of the combat range, anyway.

MATT: Oh, so you push it out five feet away from you?

TALIESIN: Yeah, so--

MATT: All righty. Well, it has a reach of 10 feet.

TALIESIN: Oh.

MATT: So as you move from its range--

TALIESIN: That's fine.

MATT: (tendril whipping) As a reaction, one of its tendrils reaches out to strike you.

TALIESIN: My own fault.

MATT: That's going to be a 15 to hit?

TALIESIN: Nope.

MATT: You just (whooshes) kick it off your foot and continue over to that space. Does that finish your turn, Ashton?

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: All right. It is now its turn. It's going to stand up.

UTKARSH: No, it can't stand, it has no legs!

EMILY: How can it? It's not demoralized?

MATT: It's demoralized.

EMILY: Do you want to do a check to see if it's demoralized?

AIMEE: Aren't you embarrassed?

MATT: I've been demoralized many times in my life and still stood up, so--

(laughter)

MARISHA: Eyy.

EMILY: Can't relate to that one.

MATT: It shifts forward angrily over towards Deni$e. It's just reaching out at whatever's in front of it. It's going to try and strike you twice.

AIMEE: Okay.

UTKARSH: No!

TALIESIN: Sorry.

UTKARSH: My friend.

AIMEE: Oh no, no, no.

MATT: This will be--

TALIESIN: Oh, actually, you're going to be great. Never mind.

AIMEE: What? Tell me why.

LIAM: ♪ Tell me why ♪

MATT: It's going to attack you twice. It's going to be a 19 to hit.

AIMEE: It hits!

LIAM: What?

MATT: And a 21 to hit.

AIMEE: It hits too. Fuck.

MATT: Then it's going to strike up once to you.

TALIESIN: Can it make it? I'm out of range.

MATT: It moved up to her, which puts you in a 10-foot range.

TALIESIN: Oh okay. I thought I was going further over. I'm so sorry.

MATT: Do you want to move further over?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm so sorry, I was going to cover-- Yeah. Sorry about that.

MATT: Then all three are on you, Deni$e.

TALIESIN: I'm so sorry.

AIMEE: No, that's not bad.

MATT: That's fine.

AIMEE: I can take it.

MATT: That's another 20.

AIMEE: Wait, so how much total?

MATT: So it's three hits on you--

TALIESIN: No damage yet.

MARISHA: Silvery Barbs.

MATT: Silvery Barbs? Never mind. That is going to be--

AIMEE: Oh, thank you.

MATT: 21.

MARISHA: Fuck me sideways!

MATT: So it's still the same.

(laughs)

MARISHA: Damn, I made it worse.

MATT: Well, I just hit you three times. I'm going to roll for damage now.

AIMEE: Oh.

LIAM: She said sideways on a tree?

UTKARSH and MATT: (laugh)

MATT: She is on a tree.

MARISHA: Fuck!

AIMEE: God, it's scary. I'll take an extra amount of fear damage.

MATT: 10 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to five because you're raging.

EMILY: That's nothing.

MATT: Plus--

MARISHA: I toss that advantage to Deni$e with a dollar sign.

MATT: Plus 11 points of poison damage.

TALIESIN: But there's poison resistance, or--

AIMEE: Can I halve poison?

MATT: So you take half of that.

AIMEE: Oh, great!

MATT: So you take five points.

AIMEE: Five points.

MATT: Being a dwarf, man, they can take poison.

AIMEE: Love dwarves.

MATT: Second hit does 11 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to five.

AIMEE: Five.

MATT: Plus 10 points of poison damage, also reduced to five.

AIMEE: Okay.

MATT: Third strike does eight points of bludgeoning damage reduced to four, plus 14 points of poison damage, reduced to seven.

AIMEE: Okay.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: With these Deni$e nails tapping--

AIMEE: I know, hello, it's like DMV nails, just: What? What was that?

EMILY: (laughs)

MATT: As a bonus action--

TALIESIN: Oh shit.

MATT: -- you see the multiple bodies, the long-rotted corpses that it's pulled into its form. One of them (sucks) sinks inside and you hear this horrible crunching and sucking sound.

TALIESIN: Oh no!

EMILY: It's getting hit points back!

MATT: As you watch it begin to recover some of its wounds.

TALIESIN: Boo!

MARISHA: Which one is this one?

TALIESIN: This is our fucking Seymour fucker.

AIMEE: Stinker.

LIAM: Stinker.

UTKARSH: It's good to be Seymour.

MATT: All righty, finishing its go, it's now the other creature here who's no longer frightened.

UTKARSH: What?

MATT: It's going to move over to you, Orym.

LIAM: Sure.

MATT: It's going to take two slam attacks at you.

LIAM: Slam attacks.

TALIESIN: Mother--

MATT: That's going to be a 22 to hit.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: The next one is going to be-- Ooh!

TALIESIN: Goddamn it.

MATT: 25 to hit.

LIAM: Oddly, that one doesn't hit.

MATT: Yeah, it's so strange. That's the first slam attack. Bludgeoning hits you for 12 points of bludgeoning damage. (thuds) Into your shield, you still deflect most of the hit, but the sheer force of it causes your bones to rattle on the inside of your body. The second one is going to be 11 points of bludgeoning damage.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: As both arms (intense thuds) to the sides of you, you take both hits. You're okay, and then feel its tendrils wrap around you.

(swallowing and gulping)

AIMEE: Oh! What!

MATT: It swallows you into its form.

AIMEE: What? What?

LIAM: Marisha, I've gone into the plant.

AIMEE: No!

MARISHA: The stinkies?

LIAM: No, the other one.

MARISHA: The other one?

AIMEE: We'll get you out.

MATT: It has devoured Orym.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: Then it's going to move forward.

MARISHA: It's one of those kind of nights.

MATT: Going to shift over towards the two of you. Oh god, I'm falling over.

UTKARSH: Wait, you got eaten?

LIAM: Yes.

AIMEE: Swallowed.

LIAM: Yes.

AIMEE: Jonah.

LIAM: Do you feel safe now?

MATT: Prism, you're up, with Bor'Dor on deck.

EMILY: Oh, I'm up. Okay. Here's what I want to do. Dynios! Follow that little man!

MARISHA and MATT: (laugh)

EMILY: Dynios can move through creatures, so I want him to go inside the creature to where he was eaten--

(oohing)

EMILY: -- and then I want to cast Dimension Door through him, as if I were in his spot--

(exclaiming)

EMILY: -- and bring Orym out.

AIMEE: What!

MARISHA: That is sick!

MATT: We'll say that it moves into its mouth, it goes and chases after. It's like, "I suppose, if it's your command--"

(laughter)

MATT: Then the book jumps into the mouth after Orym.

EMILY: Why have you got to use the weird stuff?

MATT: "You promised you wouldn't tell anyone!" He just-- (fwoosh) In the inside of the creature.

AIMEE: Feels weird for your dad.

EMILY: He's not my dad!

MATT: You all see this strange purple light that glows out of what little bit of its inner gullet you can see, and both of them teleport to where?

AIMEE: Ooh!

EMILY: Um-- Okay. I don't think that I would be so strategic about this. I think I'll probably thrust them either right here or right here. I'll thrust them right here.

MATT: Over here on the far end?

MARISHA: This is great.

EMILY: Just like little cake toppers.

MATT: Just, bing!

LIAM: Oh man. We got a ringer here.

EMILY: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Wow.

MATT: You land as the book is somewhat lashed onto your shoulder and then it pulls away and floats there in the air, and you can see that weird scrunched up face is like, "Now's when you say thank you."

LIAM: I flash through the Crown Keepers, Bells Hells, and these weirdos. I just go double vision for a second.

MATT: (laughs) "I'll take it. Fine." All right, so that's your action and the book--

EMILY: Yeah, and then I'm going to also just say: How's that for a field test?

(laughter)

LIAM: Not another bad joke, the same bad joke.

MARISHA: You have to mix it up!

EMILY: I feel like you know the context now, so maybe you're ready to laugh at it. Right?

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: Perfect.

TALIESIN: Oh god.

EMILY: I usually hang out with books, so getting no laugh doesn't really mean anything.

MATT: "Trust me, we enjoy it thoroughly." Do you want to stay put, or?

EMILY: I think I'm going to stay put because no one's clocked me.

MATT: That's true. Staying invisible has that effect. All righty. Finishing your go, Bor'Dor you're up with Orym on deck.

UTKARSH: What the hell?

MATT: Top of your turn, make a constitution saving throw for me as the terrible stench of that massive flowered creature threatens to overwhelm you.

MARISHA: You have advantage.

UTKARSH: 11.

MARISHA: You have advantage. (coos) Oh, if you want to take it. (coos)

UTKARSH: That's going to be an 11.

MATT: That's an 11.

MARISHA: Oh no! (laughs)

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

MATT: As it fills your lungs, unable to keep it back you end up coughing into a heavy coughing fit and you are considered poisoned until the start of your next turn.

AIMEE: Poor you.

EMILY: Wow, what's going to come out of you? Everything already has.

MATT and MARISHA: (laugh)

AIMEE: There's nothing left!

UTKARSH: Is that it? Is that my turn?

MATT: No, no, no, it just means your your rolls are at disadvantage--

UTKARSH: Mother of Pearl.

MATT: You're in the dry-heaving stage of your evening.

UTKARSH: Jeez Louise. I didn't sign up for this shit.

MARISHA: It's the worst, when nothing's coming out.

UTKARSH: You know what--

MARISHA: You're just still--

AIMEE: It hurts--

EMILY: (laughs)

UTKARSH: Yeah, I know, just--

(retches)

MATT: (laughs)

UTKARSH: I'm on the ground. That thing is over us, right?

MATT: Yep. You are between two of them storming over you.

UTKARSH: Okay. Oh, fuck it. I'm going to-- Is it an animal?

MATT: They're not beasts. They are creatures.

TALIESIN: No, no, no, no.

UTKARSH: No? Would Calm Emotions work on something like this?

MATT: Calm Emotions is usually humanoids. These creatures, I would say, don't really seem humanoid.

UTKARSH: Mother of fucking god. Okay. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.

MATT: What are you doing to defend yourself, buddy?

EMILY: Go nuts.

UTKARSH: I'm going to--

MATT: "(growls)"

UTKARSH: I don't know what to do here. I'm going to-- But I'm so close to it, right? I'm super close?

MATT: You're super close to one or the other, yeah.

EMILY: Just fling a high-level spell for fun.

UTKARSH: Okay, so I look at it--

MATT: You can get up and move, if you want.

UTKARSH: Nah, I'm--

MATT and LIAM: (laugh)

AIMEE: Yeah, that's right.

TALIESIN: Good call.

MATT: I respect that, I respect that.

UTKARSH: I'm stuck. I'm scared.

MATT: All right, no, I respect that.

AIMEE: Frozen with fear!

UTKARSH: I remember that being really, really scared is sort of how that Lightning Bolt thing happened the first time.

MATT: Yeah, yeah.

UTKARSH: So I tap into the fear and I look up at fucking Swamp Thing, and point my finger and hope for the best, and let go a 4th-level Lightning Bolt.

MATT: At which one? The flower or this guy?

UTKARSH: Nah, nah, nah, at that one that's over--

MATT: Over you right there?

UTKARSH: Yeah, that guy.

MATT: Okay. (lightning bolt) You release the bolt and it strikes into the creature, (sucks) who just absorbs it.

UTKARSH: You got to be shitting me?

MARISHA, EMILY, and AIMEE: (exclaiming)

AIMEE: Fuck's sake!

EMILY: They like lightning?

MARISHA: Is it immune?

MATT: It's immune to lightning.

ALL: No!

AIMEE: No!

MATT: (laughs) I'm so sorry. (laughs)

UTKARSH: But now maybe I should move.

MATT and AIMEE: (laugh)

UTKARSH: I can get away, right?

MATT: If you want to, you can stand up for half your movement and if you move away from it, it might get an attack of opportunity on you.

UTKARSH: Mother of... Just stay?

TALIESIN: You might want to stand up. Yeah, you're harder to hit.

EMILY: You could stand up.

MARISHA: Stand up and throw Orym in front of you.

LIAM: I don't know why Orym is really great for comedy.

UTKARSH: I look at Ashton. What do I do?

MARISHA: (laughs)

EMILY: I know! (laughs)

AIMEE: Don't gild the lily!

TALIESIN: Stand up and be ready to dodge!

UTKARSH: Okay. I'll stand up.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I think that's probably the best thing to do, at this point.

UTKARSH: I'll stand up and be like. It worked! Oh no.

TALIESIN: Fuck.

MATT: (laughs) It's this slight (hisses) this little mist that comes off where the impact was and it just "(gross grunts)" shakes it off.

UTKARSH: Bummer.

MATT: That finish your turn?

MARISHA: So fire is weak, lightning is no-go.

UTKARSH: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

UTKARSH: As I say: Whoops!

MATT: (laughs)

EMILY: Immune.

UTKARSH: Sorry?

MATT: Orym, you're up.

TALIESIN: It was a good call.

MATT: Laudna on deck.

LIAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: It was a good call.

LIAM: Bonus action to take my Second Wind and get a little bit of life back in me.

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: Then I spring, flea jump off of my ledge, Ashton feels Orym land on his shoulders, and then I spring up into the air and you see Orym spin and slash once, slash twice as he slides down to the ground in front of this thing.

UTKARSH: He is so cool.

MARISHA: He's just the coolest.

LIAM: That is a miss on the first, total miss. The second one hits real hard, 19, 29.

UTKARSH: Hell yeah.

LIAM: Let's see. I'm going to-- Actually, I'm going to try to-- This is not going to work, but I'm going to try make it a trip attack. So that is just seven points of damage, but I want to give it the extra. I've been rolling too low on the superiority die all night! 10.

TALIESIN: There you go.

LIAM: Okay, so total of 17, and it has to make a strength save against my halfling for 17.

MATT: Total of 17. How do you want to do this?

(cheering)

UTKARSH: Oh, thank god! Sweet Jesus.

LIAM: Okay. So spinning-leap off of Ashton's shoulders, come spinning (blade whooshing) first one, its tendril slaps the blade out of the way, but the second time, I hold the blade in close and sneak past as I go down and after having watched the dwarf, I slash at a tendril leg and then rip up until it falls down.

MARISHA: Nice!

MATT: As you tear through--

AIMEE: More caca.

MATT: You release one last burst of that wind blade energy from earlier that was sitting in the reserves of your weapon. As you strike upward, (blade slicing) it extends out 15 feet, a blade that carves through like an executioner's axe, upward. The creature (gurgling) and settles into two piles of rapidly rotting plant matter.

AIMEE: Oh!

LIAM: It had been a while.

(laughter)

MARISHA: ♪ Been a while ♪

AIMEE: Chinese or Italian?

MATT: All right. (laughs)

LIAM: Chinese.

AIMEE: Always!

MATT: Always. All right. Laudna, you're up.

MARISHA: All right. How is the smelly flower looking?

MATT: It's looking a little hurt.

MARISHA: A little hurt?

MATT: But it just regained a little bit of its health it seemed. It has a cache of dead matter within that it seems to be cannibalizing as it progresses through.

MARISHA: Well, from one corpse to a next, I can't allow that.

(laughter)

MARISHA: I am going to do Chill Touch to it.

AIMEE: Ooh!

MATT: Chill Touch, which is-- What's the range on that?

MARISHA: 240 feet, because I'm a Spell Sniper.

MATT: That's true, yeah. No worries. You would even do it without that. MARISHA 100%. I'm going to Quicken that as well. Just might as well.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: First one-- Oh, it's just-- It's all right. 16.

MATT: 16 hits.

MARISHA: Oh, that's enough.

MATT: It's a massive beast, it's easy to strike it. Broadside of a barn. If a barn was a plant filled with corpses, but you know--

MARISHA: Yucky damage roll, but that's okay. Six damage and it cannot regain hit points.

MATT: Ahh.

LIAM: Oh, what a crafty corpse.

MATT: Good looking out. All righty. So that's your bonus action, Quicken spell, yeah?

MARISHA: You see Laudna take her branchy hand as she shoves it into the boughs of the tree, and then you see coming up from underneath the corpse flower, a bony, branchy tree come up and grab it and slam it.

AIMEE: Yes!

MATT: (slamming)

MARISHA: And then siphon--

AIMEE: Fucking face butt like (thuds).

MARISHA: Yeah. Then, I'm going to dump two Eldritch Blasts into it as well.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Those should both hit. That's a 17 and 20.

MATT: Yeah, both hit, roll damage.

MARISHA: So that-- Ooh. Okay. It's 14 for the first one and eight for the second one.

MATT: You got it. All righty. That finish your turn?

MARISHA: (growls) Yeah, that finishes my turn.

MATT: All righty. Deni$e, you're up, with Ashton on deck.

AIMEE: So how does this plant look? Is it face down, tendrils--

MATT: It gets slammed into the ground by the Chill Touch and it's starting to pick itself back up.

AIMEE: Ah.

MATT: It's getting itself back into a defensive position, but you can see there's arcane ice and this necrotic energy that's now surging through it like veins, that's left over from when Laudna hit it.

AIMEE: Okay, well, if as it gets up, I would love to somersault under it and then maybe take my sickle as I go and see if I could slice it as I somersault.

MARISHA: Yay.

MATT: Yes, you can.

AIMEE: Let's see that.

EMILY: You can roll with advantage cause of Mother.

AIMEE: Thanks! Thanks, Mother! Well, I'll do the other one, and that's-- What's 17 plus nine? That hits, probably.

TALIESIN: 26.

MATT: Interesting, so your Mother raven, does it have to be next to the creature to give it advantage?

EMILY: I don't know, to be honest. I haven't really done this trick before.

(laughter)

MATT: Just double checking, so we can learn as we go forward.

MARISHA: You do still have advantage from the Silvery Barbs, though.

AIMEE: Oh!

EMILY: Oh yeah!

MARISHA: Regardless.

AIMEE: So I'll just use that. So 17 plus nine.

MATT: There you go. That definitely hits!

MARISHA: Oh! This went down! These used to be 10! That's weird! Okay, so that definitely hits. So now... Wait, it all went down! Did I fuck this up? Okay. 1d4, which is this one. Wait, this all changed. Oh, no, no, no! I'm looking at the wrong one. I'm sorry, guys!

MATT: That's okay.

AIMEE: (laughs) I'm new at this!

MATT: There you go.

AIMEE: Okay, that's an eight plus eight is 16.

TALIESIN and LIAM: Oh!

AIMEE: Do I still get the 2d--

MATT: Sneak attack, yeah.

AIMEE: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah, you do.

AIMEE: Okay.

LIAM: Snack attack.

AIMEE: That's going to be an eight. So 18 plus 16?

MATT: Ooh! That's a good heavy fucking hit!

AIMEE: I can't do math.

MARISHA: With the acrylics, I imagine Deni$e being like, "Clack, clack, clack, clack, clack."

AIMEE: Clack, clack. Okay, great.

MATT: So a heavy strike. As you stab up into it, you can see part of it cracks open and that horrible stench spills out. Need you to make a constitution saving throw for me.

LIAM: Oh, that's part of it.

AIMEE: With advantage because you're a dwarf.

AIMEE: Oh, thank god!

LIAM: It's already high.

AIMEE: Oh fuck!

LIAM: Oh my god!

AIMEE: Oh no! (sighs) That's bad, too! Okay, so four plus eight, you guys.

LIAM: Super high.

AIMEE: It's really fucking horrible, that.

LIAM: You rolled a 17 on the first roll.

AIMEE: No, four.

LIAM: Oh, it was a four? Oh, sorry. Nice knowing you.

UTKARSH: (laughs)

MATT: For a total of?

AIMEE: Hold on. 12.

MATT: 12. Okay. So actually, your first attack, both of your attacks would've been at a disadvantage because you've been poisoned by this now.

AIMEE: Dang it!

MATT: So that first strike still would've hit and did that damage.

AIMEE: Okay.

MATT: The second attack, roll once more with disadvantage to see if this one hits or not.

AIMEE: With disadvantage. Okay.

MARISHA: Come on. Come on!

MATT: What was that hit there?

AIMEE: 11.

MATT: 11 plus?

AIMEE: Plus 10, so 21.

MATT: Okay.

EMILY: Still hits.

MATT: So it still hits.

AIMEE: Still hits.

MATT: Yeah, so roll damage for the second one.

AIMEE: Okay, great! Okay. (stressed wail) Five plus eight is... Wow, Aimee! Wow!

TALIESIN: Yeah, no. It's one turn.

AIMEE: 13. And that's it. I don't do the--

MATT: Nope.

AIMEE: Okay, so 13.

MATT: 13 points of damage. Okay. So the fume, into your lungs--

TALIESIN: Math stops on this table.

MATT: -- you can feel the pain--

AIMEE: It really does.

MATT: -- the burning sensation of it piercing inside of your breath as you hold it off and then take that second strike with the blade. How do you want to do this?

(exclaiming)

AIMEE: I didn't plan on that! Then, well, I think, because I'm under it, so I'm going to want somersault away to the other side.

UTKARSH: (laughs)

AIMEE: And wow! I don't know how! Then, I guess, I will look at it and say: Gross! You stink! Get the fuck away from me! Then I'm going to kick it in the face and then I'm going to take my whip, and just like a dominatrix, just go, bad boy!

(laughter)

UTKARSH: What?

(laughter continues)

MATT: So--

AIMEE: You know, in character.

MATT: Right, of course!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I don't know what dominatrix you're talking about.

(laughter)

MATT: Deni$e carves into this being--

AIMEE: Or maybe something like: Have an Altoid!

(laughter)

MATT: There you go.

AIMEE: Very bad, like, your breath stinks! Have an Altoid, a Tic-Tac!

MATT: Perfect! Carving into it twice, kicks it off and causes it--

AIMEE: God, it's so bad.

MATT: -- to stumble and hit the ground.

AIMEE: Yeah.

MATT: (thick splat) Right as (whip cracks).

AIMEE: Yeah. For good measure.

LIAM: She's talking at its corpse.

AIMEE: Pretty much. She's just talking shit the whole time!

UTKARSH: You stink!

LIAM: Right. It goes on for another minute.

AIMEE: Yeah! (laughs) Yeah!

UTKARSH: Brush your teeth!

AIMEE: Brush your fucking teeth!

MARISHA: (laughs)

UTKARSH: (laughs) Brush your fucking teeth!

MATT: A moment of calm hits. The adrenaline is still pumping through your veins. The brief reminder that, even in the middle of the night, places of seeming natural solace have dangers lurking in every shadow. But successful, breathing heavy, you take stock of those around you.

TALIESIN: Where the fuck is Prism? Is she all right? Where'd the fuck she go?

EMILY: I'm right here. I'm right here. I don't drop the invisibility.

MARISHA and AIMEE: (laugh)

EMILY: I'm right here! Hello! (laughs)

MATT: Book glides over. "She does this. Don't worry. She'll turn up an hour."

TALIESIN: Oh. Okay.

EMILY: Oops! Sorry! Hi! I'm right in front of your face.

TALIESIN: Oh fuck!

(laughter)

MARISHA: I crack a little bit as I skitter back down the tree, and then, on all fours, just run over on top of Bor'Dor and say: Are you all right?

UTKARSH: (laughs)

AIMEE: Oh my god!

EMILY: Oh right!

UTKARSH: Am I still getting poison damage, or am I okay?

MATT: You're not taking poison damage, you're just considered poisoned. So for the next--

UTKARSH: Oh, disadvantage.

MATT: Although, that only went until the next turn, so about now, it's starting to wear off. So you're just starting to kick it off a bit.

UTKARSH: Sorry, everyone! I'm fine. I'm sorry for-- I may have lost my cool a little bit back there.

EMILY: Yeah, you laid down on the ground.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: I've never been in a combat situation.

EMILY: I also haven't.

MATT, LIAM, and EMILY: (laughs)

AIMEE: Ooh!

MARISHA: Let me--

UTKARSH: You did a good job.

TALIESIN: You'll both do better next time. You'll both really do better next time.

EMILY: Yeah, sorry, guys.

UTKARSH: I feel like we equally--

EMILY: I think I wasn't even here. It's like I wasn't even here.

TALIESIN: No. It's good that you hid well.

LIAM: It's also on us. We shouted into the woods.

TALIESIN: Yep.

LIAM: That probably wouldn't have happened if we hadn't done that.

UTKARSH: That was terrifying.

EMILY: It's okay, I wanted to give it a survey.

MARISHA: May I help you up?

UTKARSH: Yes. So is this the only thing that you do?

MARISHA: Oh, it's... Yes. I mean, it's sort of my thing.

UTKARSH: My god!

MARISHA: You get used to it.

EMILY: Hey. You don't have to have one thing. You contain multitudes.

LIAM: Sort of.

MARISHA: Oh my god! Thank you!

UTKARSH: She's right.

MARISHA: For your first field test, incredible job! I sensed a bit of insecurity--

EMILY: Yeah, no.

MARISHA: -- about not having--

EMILY: The word apprentice is--

MARISHA: Sure.

EMILY: -- in my head a lot.

MARISHA: It's clear you studied hard.

EMILY: Yes.

MARISHA: You came, you delivered.

EMILY: I came!

MARISHA: You proved yourself.

EMILY: (roughly) Mm! Well, is that what battle always feels like? Because I considered it to be a bit thrilling. I didn't know that I would the way it felt.

TALIESIN: It can be a lot. Honestly, this was pretty chill, as it goes, all things considered. Maybe it's just that we've had a really long day. I don't know.

MARISHA: And Deni$e, you seemed quite skilled. It's obviously not your first rodeo.

AIMEE: It's not my first rodeo.

TALIESIN: You kicked ass! That was fucking great!

AIMEE: Hey, you kicked ass!

TALIESIN: Yeah!

AIMEE: Hey!

TALIESIN: God, it was fucking--

AIMEE: Good team!

TALIESIN: I love that thing, by the way! That's so cool!

AIMEE: I love your thing! What does that say on it?

TALIESIN: Oh, it says, "Fuck off," right there.

AIMEE: Hey!

TALIESIN: Right there. I mean, that's why I liked your earrings.

AIMEE: Wow! Wow, all right, all right!

TALIESIN: Yeah, you're pretty fucking cool! All right. Yeah.

AIMEE: Pretty fucking cool. Nice going to battle with you!

TALIESIN: Yeah.

AIMEE: You know, being in battle together, it's nice. Hey, and I want to thank you, begrudgingly, for sending Mother my way. You're all right!

MATT: (squawks) (flapping) The raven curls its wings up on her shoulder.

EMILY: (laughs) You can borrow her anytime.

AIMEE: Thank you.

LIAM: Why Mother?

EMILY: I named her after my mother.

TALIESIN: Your mother's name was Mother?

EMILY: To me, yeah.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

AIMEE: And your father's name's Denise?

EMILY: In the Shadow Realm, the Matron of Ravens is kind of a big thing. So when I was at the Cobalt Soul, I don't know, maybe it was a bout of nostalgia, so I just named her Mother, like after Matron of Ravens, but also my mother.

TALIESIN: Oh, that tracks.

AIMEE: Hmm.

EMILY: Yeah. Also, it's just fun to shout, "Mother," at a raven.

TALIESIN: I can really see that, actually. It's been a really long day.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

TALIESIN: Yeah. That was good. We should probably find somewhere safe to sleep. I don't think we're going to make it to town.

LIAM: Yeah, I think this is it.

EMILY: No? We're not going to find a hotel or something?

TALIESIN: Not tonight. I don't think--

LIAM: We're all lost. None of us are supposed to be here. Why don't we try to make a go of it here? Obviously, we have to stay awake, some of us, in case plants.

EMILY: How did your reindeer fare?

MATT: You look around, and the reindeer ran off when the cart was destroyed by one of these creatures and just fled in fear.

LIAM: Aw.

MATT: You don't see it around you at the moment.

EMILY: How do you feel about that?

UTKARSH: He's gone.

LIAM: Are you super attached?

EMILY: Do you guys have a connection?

LIAM: We could probably find it.

UTKARSH: I'm sure he'll come back.

EMILY: Ah! If you love it, let it go.

MARISHA: I could send Pâté for a little scout.

MATT: "Yeah, I can find your friend!"

MARISHA: You don't have to be so abrasive!

MATT: "I don't know how else to be! You made me like this!"

MARISHA: I did.

UTKARSH: I'm not sure the dead squirrel will be much help right now, but I appreciate--

MARISHA: He can see things.

UTKARSH: Thank you very much.

MATT: "You're very welcome!"

UTKARSH: Thank you.

MARISHA: Nice manners.

MATT: "I've been learning."

MARISHA: Yes.

UTKARSH: So town is still really far away? And civilization?

TALIESIN: I mean, we're all tired. We can maybe make it by morning, but if more shit comes, I don't know.

LIAM: It seems at least hours from the vantage point, right?

AIMEE: I think maybe we should sleep.

MATT: Could be.

UTKARSH: So rest time?

AIMEE: Can we scavenge to see if anything is salvageable from the little cart that fell apart?

MATT: Yeah, make an investigation check for me.

AIMEE: Like food? A what?

MATT: An investigation check.

(laughs)

AIMEE: That doesn't count.

TALIESIN: No, no, no.

AIMEE: That slipped! Investigation, eight.

MATT: Eight.

AIMEE: Not a great investigator.

MATT: I mean, there's some elements of--

AIMEE: Big chunks of food.

MATT: -- food and tools. But they've got a lot of shards of plant matter and whatever spilled and oily substances leaked from those creatures you destroyed.

TALIESIN: There's splinters in this jerky.

MATT: Yeah.

EMILY: If there's some sort of cave or something--

MARISHA: Hmm. Yeah.

EMILY: -- I could arm it so that we would be alerted if something was going to attack us.

AIMEE: Hey, that's pretty handy!

LIAM: How would you arm it?

EMILY: How would I arm it?

LIAM: Yeah.

EMILY: Well, thank you so much for asking. I would probably create a glyph and I would either make it explode, or maybe shoot missiles or fire.

LIAM: Missiles.

EMILY: I'm really new to spellcasting, so I'm just getting creative,

UTKARSH: I could do a lightning bolt.

EMILY: He could do a lightning.

TALIESIN: That was-- I--

EMILY: He could do a lightning.

UTKARSH: Only when I'm scared.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I'll say that's really cool, but as a pro tip, an exploding glyph at the front of a cave could go real bad.

EMILY: Cause a cave in?

TALIESIN: Yeah. Real quick. But I appreciate the enthusiasm.

EMILY: I could do a Magic Mouth and, if someone comes, then it will start shouting, "Intruders!"

TALIESIN: I actually kind of like that. That's abrasive.

MARISHA: It's very unnerving.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

UTKARSH: Can we look around for a cave?

TALIESIN: I don't know where we're going to find a cave.

EMILY: It would be contingent on finding a cave. I mean, you both seem really strong. Maybe you could build us a cave with a bunch of these trees, if we don't mind the deforestation of it all.

UTKARSH: Yeah, can you quickly build us a small lodging?

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I would, but these are oaks and you know, I don't want to--

AIMEE: No, we're not going to do that to these--

TALIESIN: Hey! California joke there!

MARISHA: Yeah.

(laughter)

AIMEE: -- poor oaks.

UTKARSH: Well, the fire's still going, right?

MATT: It's mostly in cinders now, as the destruction of the cart and the nearby chaos knocked around much of the flames and the fire pit itself.

LIAM: Well, maybe we leave the fire out and we don't make noise anymore, like before--

AIMEE: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: And take shifts.

UTKARSH: My hearing is exceptional from working with the sheeps on the mountain. I want to thank you for saving my life multiple times over just now. I'll take first watch. I don't need much sleep.

EMILY: Can I ask how hearing comes into play with working with sheeps?

TALIESIN: I was just thinking that.

EMILY: I'm such a curious girl.

AIMEE: A curious girl!

EMILY: (laughs)

UTKARSH: It just popped into my head.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: I think because they're such quiet animals-- (laughter)

(laughter)

UTKARSH: Feeling attuned.

AIMEE: Isn't Taylor Swift's sheep the (screams) (screams)

(laughter)

LIAM: The other team did goats. We can't do that bit, guys!

UTKARSH: Quiet hearts! You have to be able to hear the sheep's heartbeat through the wool.

LIAM: Well, if they've got stray sheep, right? I imagine you have to find--

UTKARSH: I just want to be a benefit to the group. I'm feeling very insecure about my performance in my first battle. I just want to help in any way I can.

EMILY: I really think you did fine.

UTKARSH: You did a great job!

EMILY: Thank you for seeing me, even though I was invisible.

UTKARSH: I saw the book.

EMILY: Yeah.

UTKARSH: It was great!

MATT: "Thank you! I did most of the work--"

MARISHA: Oh, I forgot it talks.

UTKARSH: You went through that guy!

MATT: "Yes! Multiples, actually!"

UTKARSH: So cool!

MATT: "Now you know why she's still alive."

EMILY: Hey, Dynios, I just got a compliment and know you're taking it. Okay?

MATT: "I thought that was more of a splash compliment, for both of us, mostly me, and I'm not taking it away from you."

EMILY: Fucking fair!

MATT: "I'm not taking it away from you. We're just sharing it."

EMILY: Complaint rescinded. Fair! Should we also, I mean, maybe this is a really weird idea, but what if we also made a really obvious decoy?

AIMEE: Hmm!

EMILY: You know? Made it look someone was having camp.

TALIESIN: I've got an idea.

MARISHA: We've got those two dead bodies.

TALIESIN: Yes, we do.

EMILY: That's what I was thinking. I could smell them.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

TALIESIN: They're really--

MARISHA: They've been in there for a moment.

AIMEE: Ripe.

MARISHA: Yes.

LIAM: So maybe we make a small campfire.

MARISHA and EMILY: Mm-hmm.

EMILY: A big one.

LIAM: With two corpses sitting around.

TALIESIN: Of all the terrible shit that has gone on in the last 24 hours, this is maybe a seven.

AIMEE: Pretty good. Yeah.

LIAM: We camp out up the hill.

AIMEE: Yeah.

LIAM: Two of us stay awake.

EMILY: Can I put a Magic Mouth on both of the corpses to scream, "No!" if anyone attacks them?

AIMEE: "No!"

(laughter)

MARISHA: It's pretty great. We're fully "Weekend at Bernie's"-ing.

TALIESIN: No, yeah. That's good thinking!

LIAM: "I don't like it!"

MATT: I'll allow it. You can cast it as a ritual. Yeah.

MARISHA: (laughs)

EMILY: An affectionate nerd. I like it.

MARISHA: I take my--

MATT: It lasts until it's dispelled, so you guys could be well off here two months later and the next person that finds it--

LIAM: "I don't like it!"

(laughter)

EMILY: That's good! We'll have one say, "No!" and the other one say, "I don't it!"

(laughter)

TALIESIN: How long does the spell last, by the way?

MATT: Until dispelled.

TALIESIN: So it's just months of, "No! No!"

EMILY: I think we've made an interactive art exhibit, I think, if you really...

MATT: I think so. Yeah.

(laughter)

MARISHA: We prop up the bodies.

AIMEE: The Maria Popovich woman, just sitting there on the chair.

EMILY: I'm assuming you can cast Magic Mouth twice on two different things.

MATT: Oh yeah.

EMILY: Yeah. Yeah, you can.

MATT: Yeah.

EMILY: So yeah. Great!

TALIESIN: All right. I'm going to make sure any- thing we could possibly want on these bodies is gone and we'll prop them up with sticks.

LIAM: Yeah, so we'll get a little campfire going down here at the bottom of the ridge. Sit up the two corpses.

MATT: Okay.

EMILY: If anyone has any trash, litter it around.

MARISHA: Hmm! I take my spool and I take a long stick and I tie it to one, put a piece of Bor'Dor's jerky at the end, like he's roasting a piece of meat.

MATT: That's a full a diorama over here.

MARISHA: Yes, that way we can make it convincing.

AIMEE: The "Home Alone," where he's in the shower with fucking-- Two of us sit there all night, just moving them.

MATT: Every time the wind blows a branch, they both hug briefly and then--

EMILY: Oh my god!

AIMEE: "No!" "I don't like it!"

(laughter)

EMILY: Actually, I am going to Glyph of Warding a Mage Hand to move them if someone walks nearby.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Oh, that's good!

MATT: I love that we're Ferris Bueller-ing this whole set up. This is great!

TALIESIN: Your commitment to the bit's amazing!

LIAM: If should put the Mage Hand under a real hand and have it go like.

EMILY: Yeah!

(laughter)

EMILY: Glyph of Warding.

UTKARSH: Just waving!

AIMEE: Like it's laughing!

MATT: Perfect!

EMILY: Magic Mouth says, "Hey, stranger!"

(laughter)

MATT: You take a solid 30 minutes setting up this arrangement in a very elaborate presentational camp setup.

EMILY: I've forgotten why we're doing this. I think we're doing it to make art. Ooh, this is so fun!

(laughter)

LIAM: Oh my god!

MATT: In the interim, within the next 20 minutes, you find, a little ways up the hill, there is not a deep cave, but there is a 15-foot alcove underneath one of the cliff faces that climbs up the wall where you think you could settle in somewhat hidden, comparatively, and set up camp for the majority of your troop.

EMILY: Do you guys have extra bed roll or something?

LIAM: I think we do. It was in a hole with the corpses, but we have it.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Hold on.

MARISHA: It'll smell a bit musty, but--

TALIESIN: I'm going to go in and get all the extra stuff because we had--

MARISHA: Theoretically, we have everyone else's stuff.

TALIESIN: We have a lot of everybody else's stuff.

MARISHA: Yes.

EMILY: Who are the other people? Who's everyone else?

TALIESIN: They got teleported somewhere. They're somewhere else.

MARISHA: We assume.

LIAM: We started to talk about this. We were at the spot where this began.

AIMEE: What did it?

LIAM: A mage out of Rexxentrum.

MARISHA: There was this--

AIMEE: You know him?

EMILY: Oh. What was his name? Or maybe, what did he look like?

LIAM: Ludinus Da'leth.

EMILY: Do we know Ludinus?

MATT: You, as a member of the Cobalt Soul, especially in the Order of Mages would know exactly who this is, though you probably haven't had any interactions with them. They are the leader of the Cerberus Assembly, one of the most powerful mage groups in Exandria and heavily involved in the politics and structure of the the Dwendalian Empire in Wildemount. I'll send you an overviewing email. But yeah, this is--

EMILY: Short answer, yes.

(laughter)

AIMEE: Was that the motherfucker running his mouth?

TALIESIN: Yep.

MARISHA: He was. He had this whole shadow organization as well called the Ruby Vanguard that--

AIMEE: So what were they trying to do?

EMILY: Yeah. What's the point of this?

ARISHA: Well, it turns out that Ruidus, the moon, wasn't always there.

AIMEE: Hmm!

MARISHA: The gods created it to be a prison for another god-like being, specifically a god that eats other gods. And-- Yes, there was a bunch of radicals who were like, "Ooh! What if we don't have gods anymore? because (grimaces) we could have all the power and we could be gods! So what if we released this god eater named Predathos and then he eats the gods and then (grimaces) we're the most powerful beings."

AIMEE: Hmm.

MARISHA: That's more or less what happened.

UTKARSH: You were trying to what? Fight this guy?

LIAM: Stop it.

TALIESIN: We were trying to stop it.

LIAM: Stop it.

UTKARSH: Is that what you're trying to do now?

TALIESIN: No, we failed.

AIMEE: You know what? This might be a little out of pocket, but is that the worst thing if they all go away? I mean, I never used any of the gods to help. No one ever came to my door, knocked on my door helping me out. None of these gods ever did fucking shit for me, so.

EMILY: As an arcane caster, I kind of agree. Would've been nice to just have a divinity come in and intercede and say, "Hey, here's powers. You don't have to study all the time."

LIAM: Well, I think the worry is, whether you value the gods' contributions in this world or not, is that this thing that Ludinus was releasing--

UTKARSH: Galapagos.

AIMEE: Would it become the only god?

LIAM: There's no guarantee it won't wreck all of us in the process.

AIMEE: Mm.

MARISHA: We certainly went down that little thought experiment.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: Same question, what have the gods done? Is it the worst if we don't have them? But as someone who has been on the other side of devious contracts, not knowing the full extent of the outcome, that's what made us nervous.

AIMEE: Hm.

UTKARSH: We need to find a town. We need to find out where we are.

TALIESIN: We don't even know if there's going to be the right people there. I don't know if everybody had this happen to them, that everybody get thrown. Is it just certain people? Why is it certain people?

AIMEE: I mean, you guys got thrown together. I got thrown alone. Would've liked to have been here with my ex-fiancé so I can give him a fucking piece of my mind.

(sighs)

TALIESIN: Half of our friends went somewhere else.

LIAM: Well--

MARISHA: And the fact that--

UTKARSH: You guys were in front of Ludinus? You saw him? And you think your friends are alive?

LIAM: Well, we were all around this piece of shit, and we were scattered. So their odds of being alive are as good as ours, I guess. And we're still here. We've got--

AIMEE: You're still here. You're still together. You're still here.

LIAM: -- hope.

EMILY: Can I ask, what are you trying to do now? Are you trying to get back to where you were? Are you just trying to find your friends?

UTKARSH: That's what I want to know.

TALIESIN: I just want to find them.

MARISHA: I think it's just about survival at the moment. All of the previous goals are null and void at this point. It's just about regrouping and regathering.

UTKARSH: Can you die?

MARISHA: (excitedly) Yes. I've died twice.

(laughs)

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: Mm.

UTKARSH: Hm. That's so interesting.

TALIESIN: We don't leave people behind. That's just the rule. You do not leave people the fuck behind.

UTKARSH: Well, I owe you, so I'm with you. If you can help me get back to Pride's Call in Will-de-mount.

TALIESIN: You keep checking the back of your cloak. You've got that weird tag on the back of your cloak.

UTKARSH: Yeah, my papa wrote my hometown on my potato sack for me.

(laughter)

EMILY: Yeah, Bor'Dor, the potato sack is really a choice.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: Dwendilian Empire.

LIAM: 203 Sheep Road.

AIMEE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: (laughs)

UTKARSH: Third rock from the--

AIMEE: The sun.

UTKARSH: -- plateau.

MARISHA: (laughs)

EMILY: If you hadn't intentionally gone prone in battle, I really might want to do an insight check on you.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: I don't know what came over me.

MARISHA: Well, uh, you have powers now, and you never had magical powers.

UTKARSH: I have no idea what's going on. But looks like you know what you're doing.

EMILY: Huh, thank you.

UTKARSH: So I feel like I'm much safer with you guys, and whatever I can do to help, just tell me.

TALIESIN: Depressing. Probably true.

LIAM: Do you have any means of contacting anyone?

EMILY: Well, oh, like a Sending spell or something like that?

LIAM: Something like that.

EMILY: No. They don't give that to the apprentices because then we would just go nuts.

AIMEE: I had a one-way box.

UTKARSH: What's that?

AIMEE: It was a one-way magic box. I sent it, though. It was one-way.

MARISHA: To your fiancé?

AIMEE: Yeah, dumb motherfucker.

MARISHA: Mm. What would you send him?

AIMEE: No, I already sent it. Didn't hear back.

MARISHA: What a bag of dicks.

AIMEE: I know.

LIAM: One-time use?

AIMEE: One-time use.

LIAM: Oh.

AIMEE: Got it from this really nice guy in-- Oh, I forget his name.

UTKARSH: Can you send your rat bird to see if there's a town nearby?

LIAM: Well, we saw one.

MARISHA: Yeah, we saw one.

LIAM: We're probably--

UTKARSH: You did?

LIAM: Well, not close. We're going to have to travel a bit tomorrow, I think.

UTKARSH: Okay.

LIAM: I have no concept of how long the three of us have been awake.

MARISHA: I don't know.

TALIESIN: I'm so tired.

UTKARSH: You should sleep.

EMILY: I also really only need to do some light reading to relax. So I can watch as well.

MARISHA: All right.

TALIESIN: I can take a shift, too.

MARISHA: We'll take shifts.

UTKARSH: I'd take lots of shifts.

LIAM: Oh, the corpses look okay down by the fire.

EMILY: (laughs)

TALIESIN: It's actually pretty convincing.

MARISHA and EMILY: (laugh)

UTKARSH: Didn't know you could do that.

LIAM: Four score and 20 years ago.

(laughter)

EMILY: We've been waiting for you!

UTKARSH: I haven't even heard that one.

MATT: This is the true power of the Age of Arcanum right here.

TALIESIN: Wow.

EMILY: (laughs)

MATT: Okay. Setting up yourselves in the encamp, you set up night's watch. Both of you taking first watch. Unless there's anything you'd like to discuss while everyone else is sleeping, we can move on to the next--

UTKARSH: I have a question for her.

EMILY: Yeah.

UTKARSH: These people said there was something about Ludinus wanting to release a god or something that kills the gods.

EMILY: A god eater.

UTKARSH: Then you said that you were totally cool with that.

EMILY: Well, I mean, it was a knee-jerk reaction. I don't know. I would have to journal about it to really prove--

UTKARSH: Do you want the gods to be dead?

EMILY: -- my feelings about it. No. I come from the Shadow Realm. The main deity there is the Matron of Ravens, and she ascended to godhood on her own. So I just, you know--

UTKARSH: Are you with these people or against them? Can I do a whatever the check you're supposed to do?

MATT: Insight check, yes.

UTKARSH: Yeah.

EMILY: I can also just tell you.

UTKARSH: I want to roll my dice.

MATT: He also wants to know whether or not what you're telling him is true.

EMILY: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: So you roll insight. You roll and choose either persuasion or deception. Don't say which.

EMILY: Okay.

MATT: We'll say if yours is higher or not.

UTKARSH: I got a two.

EMILY: I got a four.

MATT: Plus?

EMILY: Plus one.

MATT: It's a five, and what's your insight?

LIAM: Wow.

UTKARSH: I win.

EMILY and MATT: (laugh)

EMILY: I mean, my truthful answer, which you now know is true, is--

UTKARSH: (laughs) Yeah, what you already told me. I didn't need a polygraph.

MARISHA: (laughs)

EMILY: Honestly, I'm feeling surprisingly excited to be out of the library. I thought I was going to freak out. I thought I was going to do what you did.

UTKARSH: Right.

EMILY: So I totally understand where you came from. Honestly, next battle, that might be me.

UTKARSH: I don't know what happened.

EMILY: Because I'm hanging on by a thread. I would love to just--

UTKARSH: No, you were incredible.

EMILY: -- smoke a cigarette right now in one fucking drag. That's how much I want--

UTKARSH: What's a cigarette?

EMILY: A cigarette?

UTKARSH: Oh, I'm very sheltered.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: I've been on a mountain for a long time.

EMILY: Am I allowed to have cigarettes?

UTKARSH: Do you have one?

MATT: Yeah, yeah, there are all sorts of pipes and smokes and--

LIAM: Spice.

EMILY: I pass you a cigarette. I pass you a cigarette.

UTKARSH: Do a PSA on not smoking for the kids. Kids, don't smoke. (whispers) But I'll take one.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: People have a pipe or something.

LIAM: Your mileage may vary.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

EMILY: So basically, I'm feeling thrilled by this, and--

UTKARSH: I am, too.

EMILY: You are, right?

UTKARSH: It's terrifying. I've never--

EMILY: I mean, to happen for the first time?

UTKARSH: -- I have no idea what's going on.

EMILY: Everything you were doing with your body I was doing internally. The shitting, the vomiting.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: I didn't actually shit on myself.

AIMEE: This time.

UTKARSH: No, that didn't happen.

EMILY: Sorry, the trickle was so--

UTKARSH: I urinated.

EMILY: It sounded thick.

UTKARSH: Yeah, I know.

EMILY: Yeah, okay, okay. (laughs)

UTKARSH: I didn't have much to eat. I think most of it came out in the vomit.

MATT: (laughs)

UTKARSH: But you're right. That's a fair point.

EMILY: Yeah, but I--

UTKARSH: Probably would've shit on myself.

EMILY: (laughs) But I guess, basically, what I'm trying to say is, I've been sent out here to collect a bunch of information, and I do believe in knowledge. It feels like these people are powerful enough that I was a fool to think I was just going to walk. Honestly, if no one had been there, I would've walked up to one of those plant monsters and said, "Excuse me, sir, do you have time for a short survey?"

UTKARSH: Wow.

EMILY: Yeah!

UTKARSH: That would've been a poor decision.

EMILY: Yeah, it would've been. So I'm feeling excited.

UTKARSH: Well, that's nice. I'm glad that you and I are kind of in the same boat.

EMILY: Yeah, me, too.

UTKARSH: All right, well--

EMILY: Can I ask you a question?

UTKARSH: Sure.

EMILY: Do you know if there's a god that has gifted you these powers? Do you feel anyone speak to you? Or does any name whisper on the wind to you?

UTKARSH: I haven't seen my mother in a very, very long time.

EMILY: (whispers) Do you think it's her?

UTKARSH: I don't remember her very well, but--

EMILY: I'm so sorry that my raven is named Mother. That must be--

UTKARSH: Well, she wasn't a bird, so it's okay.

(laughter)

EMILY: Okay, so you're cool with me just shouting, "Mother," every once--

UTKARSH: I'm totally fine with that, yeah.

EMILY: Okay.

UTKARSH: I called her Mama, anyway. So mother doesn't really have an attachment for me.

EMILY: Okay, great.

UTKARSH: But I don't know.

EMILY: So you think it could be your mother? I mean, that would change everything. If you're casting magic, and it's the love of your mother?

UTKARSH: I don't know. I mean, yeah, I guess that's pretty special.

EMILY: That really is special.

UTKARSH: I just don't want to die. Honestly, more importantly, I don't want to piss on myself in a battle again.

EMILY: You won't. If you do, I will Prestidigitation it away. That's a spell.

UTKARSH: Okay, thanks. I have no idea what that is.

(laughter)

UTKARSH: Okay, good to know. Well, thanks for the chat.

EMILY: Yeah. You too. Do we both want to have our eyes roll back and trance next to each other?

UTKARSH: Okay.

EMILY: Okay, cool. Not a big deal.

UTKARSH: Do I roll my eyes back in my head?

EMILY: (laughs)

MATT: If you want to.

EMILY: However you want to trance.

UTKARSH: I try to roll my eyes back in my head and I'm like-- I look like this. I'm like, "Okay."

MATT and EMILY: (laugh)

UTKARSH: And then stare straight ahead.

MATT: Perfect. Now both of you roll perception checks for your first watch.

EMILY: Oh, right. Oh, that's another nat 20.

MARISHA and AIMEE: Ooh.

MATT: Look at you.

AIMEE: Fire.

EMILY: We are doing this today.

UTKARSH: That's incredible. I'm 10.

MATT: Okay. Keeping an eye out--

UTKARSH: My eyes are rolled back in my head.

EMILY: The adrenaline is still--

MATT: Keeping you up.

EMILY: -- coursing through my veins.

MATT: You keep glancing over and, for a moment, you see one of the bodies shift one of them, say. It was one of the-- (laughs)

LIAM: "I don't like it!"

MATT: Yeah, "I don't like it!" You're looking and it's just a frog landed on its lap and it--

AIMEE: Oh, fucking frogs.

MATT: (intense croaking) Jumps off.

EMILY: Oh, I send my Manifest Mind to reset the art installation.

MATT: Back to it. But beyond that, uneventful.

EMILY: That's good.

UTKARSH: Okay, that's good.

MATT: Next watch? Who's taking it?

TALIESIN: I'll take one. Whoever else wants to stay up.

MARISHA: I'll go.

MATT: All right, the two of you take watch.

TALIESIN: (sighs) It's been a long day. You know you can bring down the compartmentalization a little bit. We're going to get them back. Hey. What?

MARISHA: If I say too many words, I'm going to cry.

AIMEE: Oh!

TALIESIN: (sighs) I panicked back there at the... Everything that happened down in the mines, I panicked. I thought we had done it. I thought you ran straight into that thing and, I don't know, I made some bad calls.

MARISHA: Well, we were a bunch of dumb fucks going up against a 500-year-old wizard, so.

TALIESIN: I promise we're going get the nerds somewhere safe.

MARISHA: All right.

TALIESIN: Deni$e I'm less worried about. We're going to get our people.

MARISHA: How are you so sure that they're alive? Especially Imogen. You saw the way those other red-eyed, moon-worshiping zombies were all reacting. What if she just got, I don't know, vaporized or blasted into space? I don't know.

TALIESIN: If she got blasted into space, we'll go to space. If she got vaporized, it's not like we didn't fucking find you. There is nothing else until this is dealt with. This is what we do, is we bring everybody back. There is no failure in this. We are going to figure it out because it's what matters. I have whatever broken thing that's in my head that means that there's, that anything is possible right now is what I've decided. And we brought you fucking back. Can do it again. I don't think they're dead. I think they're out there. And, yeah. This is what we do, is we can get everybody back. Sure, we're not enough to save the world, but we can get everybody back. We are more than enough.

MARISHA: You're right. Can't save the world.

TALIESIN: We can save our people, though. We're going to.

MARISHA: Can find control over our own tiny little space.

TALIESIN: Yep. Exactly.

MARISHA: Speaking of getting everybody back, I take out Pâté.

MATT: "Hi."

UTKARSH: (chuckles)

MARISHA: Go find the fucking reindeer.

MATT: "(grunts)"

(laughter)

MATT: (slams) "(grunts)"

MARISHA: Sorry.

LIAM: "I don't like it!"

(laughter)

EMILY: Hey, stranger!

AIMEE: "I don't like it!"

(laughter)

UTKARSH: Oh, what a scene.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

AIMEE: I guess we'll take the last watch.

TALIESIN: Actually, I think we only need-- Well, if you guys--

AIMEE: We only need one.

TALIESIN: Yeah, if you want to triple up. I don't know.

MATT: You're all pretty exhausted.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: A short watch isn't a bad idea. Makes for some fun moments.

TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah, no. Let's wake up.

MATT: The two of you finish your watch. Just as the sun begins to rise over the distance, the two of you awaken to keep an eye on the final track of sleep for the night.

AIMEE: So tell me about yourself. Where are you from?

LIAM: Well, I'm from Tal'Dorei, like you. Zephrah, you've heard of Zephrah?

AIMEE: Mm.

LIAM: Mm-hmm. Feels real far away.

AIMEE: I wish I knew where we were. Gilmore. That's the name. That's the guy who gave me the box. Gilmore. Real cute.

LIAM: You've been to Emon?

AIMEE: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: Oh.

AIMEE: No, I went everywhere looking for that motherfucker. My ex.

LIAM: Hm.

AIMEE: Dariax.

LIAM: I'm sorry?

AIMEE: Dariax. What a piece of shit.

LIAM: Nah.

AIMEE: What?

LIAM: Uh. I know him.

AIMEE: Are you that little guy from the poster? The wanted posters I kept seeing everywhere?

LIAM: I'm on a wanted?

AIMEE: You're on a wanted poster. You know that about you?

LIAM: No, I don't know I'm on a wanted poster.

AIMEE: All over Emon. Faceless motherfuckers looking for you. Nameless. What? I don't know. I'm tired.

LIAM: Okay.

AIMEE: How do you know Dariax? Maybe it's not the same one.

LIAM: Uh.

AIMEE: Dwarf?

LIAM: Redhead?

AIMEE: Yeah.

LIAM: A lot of jokes?

AIMEE: Yeah. Bad jokes.

LIAM: Oh, sometimes they're okay.

AIMEE: No, they're bad.

LIAM: Apple bottom?

AIMEE: Oh yeah.

LIAM: What went wrong?

AIMEE: So what went wrong? Okay, well, I'll tell you what. Well, first of all, we were doing a job together. We were stealing furs.

LIAM: Ah.

AIMEE: I mean, look. We weren't really engaged. We were pre-engaged.

UTKARSH: (laughs)

LIAM: Hmm.

AIMEE: Then one day, he just left me. We were supposed to, you know, deliver the deliverables. I knocked on his door and he wasn't there. Then I have all these motherfuckers after me. Where's my money, Deni$e? Where's fucking Dariax's money? Where are the furs? Where are the this? Where are the that? Whatever. So I left and I went to go looking for him because I didn't want to die. And I kind of didn't want to live without him, anyway.

LIAM: Uh-huh.

AIMEE: Then I found him.

LIAM: And how did that go?

AIMEE: Well, I didn't get to say anything because here I am.

LIAM: You found him the moment all this happened?

AIMEE: Yeah, I saw him from across the room, and I was going to--

LIAM: What are the odds?

LIAM: When did you know him?

LIAM: Oh, months back. I think five or six months back, at this point. Yeah, we spent time together on a crew. He's a good guy.

AIMEE: (disbelieving) Hm!

LIAM: Well, he got into trouble easy.

AIMEE: Oh, yeah? What kind of trouble?

LIAM: I don't know. He's kind of like a kid following a red balloon all the time.

AIMEE: Yeah, that's true.

LIAM: But he seemed like he had a good heart.

AIMEE: That's true, too.

LIAM: Well, I'm sorry it didn't work out.

AIMEE: Well, I know I don't look it, but I am a hopeless romantic. So maybe I'll find him, kick his ass.

LIAM: You know, flits of Keyleth and Will and all the horror we saw. 12 hours is flitting by as Orym is having this pretty light conversation.

AIMEE: You okay?

LIAM: Yeah. Um. What was I talking about?

AIMEE: Your friends. You leave someone behind?

LIAM: I was going to say that you do strike me as a romantic.

AIMEE: You too.

LIAM: That's also true.

AIMEE: Mm. Well, do you have someone?

LIAM: (sighs) No.

AIMEE: (sighs) That makes two of us.

LIAM: I don't know what we're going to do tomorrow, or not today, today. We got to find our-- What I'm supposed to say is that we're going to find our friends and figure it out.

AIMEE: Yeah.

LIAM: But I'm having a hard time believing it.

AIMEE: I wish I believed in a god right now. That would be helpful. But if you don't got that, I got the booze.

LIAM: (squeaky bottle cap) (sighs) Cheers.

(tink)

AIMEE: You're going to be okay. The minute you're not okay, you die.

LIAM: The thing is, I don't think I've ever... I just don't think I've ever felt so small.

AIMEE: Well, I know I'm a whole foot taller than you, but same.

LIAM: You got a big personality.

AIMEE: You too! It's hidden, but you do. And you fight like a dancer. It's very nice.

LIAM: I work at it.

AIMEE: I know. We're going to find your friends. Or they're going to find you.

LIAM: Maybe you'll get back to Dariax.

AIMEE: Oh god.

LIAM: Do you want to get back to Dariax?

AIMEE: Yeah, I do. I spent months looking for him, and I don't know whether I'm going to kiss him or I'm going to kill him. Maybe I'll do both.

LIAM: Sounds right.

AIMEE: Sorry about your friends.

LIAM: Thanks. I'm sorry for us all. I think it's going to get a little bumpy in the coming weeks.

AIMEE: Yeah.

LIAM: You know what I mean?

AIMEE: Oh, yeah, I do. But we're strong. We're tough. Got these big muscles. I got you.

LIAM: Well, I think it's probably time to wake the others and clean up the corpses.

AIMEE: Sorry, I'm going to grab a little rock, take the slingshot, just wake him up with the slingshot.

MATT and EMILY: (laugh)

AIMEE: Maybe throw it at him. Hey, you should watch your stuff better.

UTKARSH: (groans) You got me.

(laughs)

MATT and AIMEE: (laugh)

UTKARSH: What time is it? We did it.

MATT: Looking around, it's about maybe 30 minutes into the sunrise. You can see now, from your perspective, the trees, just the faintest bit of that early morning light hitting that blanket of trees and forest across the way on the opposite side of the gorge, even at a distance. But you're a bit hidden here underneath the forest canopy.

EMILY: Orym, I had a thought. If you want a Sending spell, right? I'm really quick with a quill. So if we could find somewhere that had a Sending spell, I can transfer it into Dynios.

LIAM: What would that do? I'm sorry, I'm really--

EMILY: Oh, it's okay. Because I'm a scribe, I'm really good at copying things so I can really quickly get a spell if we find someone else who has it. Although, I suppose if we find someone else who has it, we could just ask them to cast it. But if we went to a library of discarded spell books. I'm just saying I think that if we could find it somehow, I could get it.

LIAM: Okay.

EMILY: I'm just trying to help.

UTKARSH: Good idea.

LIAM: Sure. I don't understand wizard stuff, but happy to help.

EMILY: Yeah, if it's written down somewhere.

LIAM: There is something that I wanted to find real quick. Would you guys come with me? Orym starts scrabbling higher up the hill. I want to try to clear and see above the forest line, if I can.

MATT: Okay. You all gather your things and follow suit as Orym leads the path up the climbing hills and craggy, rising cliff sides that get higher and higher up on this side of the forest, looking for some place where the tree line breaks a bit. You do find one section of the hill or mountain rock that juts out a bit with two trees that grow out the top of it. The means of climbing them would be relatively easy and would definitely get you above the tree line of this forest. As you all follow behind and clamoring up to the side, you break past the upper view. As Orym ascends, you look around and there's this beautiful perspective of this rolling valley that surrounds you on all sides. The soft blanket of deep greens and pale blues that these trees take breaking occasionally with verdant green grass fields and the rolling hills that rise up into singular or clusters of smaller mountains. It's beautiful. For those of you who've grown up in more urban environments and Tal'Dorei and other continents, there's a large swath of this that seems still left natural. That massive dark mountain range that you saw before to the far west still stands, dark and tall. That singular mountain to the north that rises so high jostles free-- Between your knowledge as well of the world around and the things you see, you have a much clearer idea now, here in the sunlight, of where you are. That mountain to the north is the Ascendant Bridge Mountain, and it's known to be likely the tallest mountain in Exandria.

AIMEE: Hmm.

MATT: White with snow year round. It's visible as far away as Vasselheim and the surrounding coastlines of Issylra. It's believed to be where the gods first touched down in the world, where the titans rose up to meet them when they first arrived in the Founding.

MARISHA: Wow.

MATT: To the northeast of them, that mountain range you know as the Sunderpeak Mountains, themselves are also snow-capped. What separates this, where you stand, the Demithore Valley, from Othanzia to the northeast, which is the home of Vasselheim, the Dawn City, where the beginning of all civilization on Exandria still resides.

LIAM: Is the sun hidden?

MATT: The sun's breaking up over mountains to the eastern side, lighting this valley.

AIMEE: I know this is going to sound weird, but this looks expensive.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MARISHA: Old. Old money.

AIMEE: Wow.

MARISHA: Shit.

UTKARSH: Is that red light thing still in the sky? The laser thing, or whatever it's called?

MATT: It takes a moment to focus as the sunrise colors of oranges and reds tend to swallow the majority of the horizon. But indeed, Ruidus still stands, unmoving, locked in place for the first time since it began, still to the south, beyond the oceans. Here looking upon this beautiful landscape, the signs of roads that break through the natural expanse that surrounds you, little columns of smoke that dot numerous little signs of civilization, villages and townships that you now see emerging and beginning their life throughout the day that are scattered throughout this valley and beyond. You have options before you. That nearest village--

MARISHA: Wait. Pâté?

TALIESIN: Oh shit.

MATT: Comes back a moment later. "(panting) I don't know where he is. Probably got eaten or he's escaped me. I don't really know. I can still keep looking."

MARISHA: This was supposed to be a beautiful moment where the reindeer suddenly appeared throughout the forest and we were all reunited, and you failed.

UTKARSH: It's okay. I wasn't attached. It's all right, Pâté.

MARISHA: It was going to be a surprise.

UTKARSH: Well, I appreciate the sentiment. I really do. It's okay.

EMILY: I can right this wrong. I can right this wrong.

MATT: "What?"

EMILY: I'm going to cast Phantom Steed and try and make it look like a reindeer.

UTKARSH: I really don't need him.

EMILY: For you?

MARISHA: (laughs)

AIMEE: "I don't like it!"

(laughter)

MATT: (Dynios) "Are you seriously going to ruin some of your recently-- powers at a--"

UTKARSH: Please. You don't have to do it.

MATT: "All right."

UTKARSH: Prism--

EMILY: I'm ritual casting. I'm ritual casting.

MATT: "(sighs)"

EMILY: Just wait--

MATT: "That just takes more time on my part." And the book opens up.

EMILY: (laughs)

UTKARSH: I bet if we go to the nearest town, that's where the reindeer will be. I bet you that's where he went.

EMILY: He likes people?

UTKARSH: He would've followed water--

AIMEE: Don't turn down a gift. Let her give you the gift.

UTKARSH: I don't need an imaginary horse.

AIMEE: That's rude!

(laughter)

AIMEE: It's rude to say no to a gift!

LIAM: It's not an imaginary horse, it's an imaginary imaginary horse.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Oh god.

UTKARSH: Okay, yeah, let's do it. Let's do the steed. Give me--

AIMEE: Let her do the nice thing.

UTKARSH: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

MATT: "Yes, please."

UTKARSH: Thank you.

MATT: "Waste our time." The book opens itself.

EMILY: This feels a little bit like when everyone's telling a kid that their art is good.

(laughter)

EMILY: Just going to retract the magic back into my hands. Later. Another time.

UTKARSH: You can use it for other things.

AIMEE: Now we really wasted our time.

MATT: "No, please!"

MARISHA: All right, Pâté. Go to bed.

MATT: (undead retreat)

MARISHA: Good boy.

EMILY: I mean, my personal vote would be to go to one of the more populous centers.

LIAM: Agreed. That's our best bet.

MATT: You can still see, visible across the brightening blue sky, the tethers of the Apogee Solstice, the three-day event still high up in the stratosphere. Like the aurora borealis, but shifting in rainbow colors, that nexus point a number of miles off. Indeed where you saw that cluster of lights from that village the night before in the shadow, you can see a bit of smoke or steam, some signs of that civilization still below it.

EMILY: Is this, that nexus point, is this where the gods first descended?

AIMEE: Vasselheim?

MATT: That's the mountain to the far north.

AIMEE: Oh.

MATT: It's another nexus of power that's settling over this valley.

AIMEE: Sorry, where's Vasselheim? How far is it?

MATT: Vasselheim is far to the northeast.

AIMEE: Oh, it's super far. Gotcha.

MATT: It's beyond the mountain range and deep that way.

AIMEE: Oh, okay.

UTKARSH: So let's find a town. You tell me where to go.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: Head to where you first saw.

LIAM: Start there and find out.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: All right.

TALIESIN: Agreed.

LIAM: Where on the map we are.

UTKARSH: Oh man, I have so many questions.

MARISHA: Got any more jerky?

(laughter)

MATT: Chewing on your jerky and you begin your steps in the direction of that nearest township?

LIAM: Yeah.

UTKARSH: Nice to be useful.

MARISHA: It's good jerky.

MATT: You plunge once more into the forest.

MARISHA: Is that peppercorn?

UTKARSH: Do you have a digestive system?

MARISHA: It's very slow.

UTKARSH: Mm.

MATT: Further east into the valley towards your next destination and the first semblance of civilization that may greet you.

LIAM: Orym steals one last look at that rising sun before following into the trees.

MATT: And that's where we'll episode right there. Pick up next time.

LIAM: "I don't like it."

(laughter)

AIMEE: You're going to like it.

(laughter)

MATT: All right, we'll pick up here in Issylra.

MARISHA: Oh my god, we're in Issylra.

TALIESIN: Wow.

MATT: Yeah, a whole area of Exandria that you've not experienced before.

UTKARSH: Hey, you guys are carrying a lot.

EMILY: Yeah, you guys have heavy hearts.

UTKARSH: So much pain.

(laughter)

LIAM: I want those corpses to be there for the next thousand years.

(laughter)

MARISHA: They're rotted skeletons that scream.

AIMEE: Yes.

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: They're rotten to mulch, but still it's going to be (growls).

(laughter)

MATT: I fucking love it.

TALIESIN: Our legacy.

MATT: Oh, welcome to the table, friends.

(cheering)

MATT: So happy to have you!

AIMEE: Oh, how fun it is ride.

TALIESIN: So much fucking fun.

MATT: More to come for the next journey forward on this group. Thank you all so much for joining us. We'll see you next week. We love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night.

(cheering)

TALIESIN: Yeah.