Trinket's Honey Heist

is the twenty-seventh special episode of Critical Role.

Announcements

 * Sam ran a generic ad using old recordings and just inserted "Marvel Puzzle Quest" into the announcement.
 * Liam and Taliesin showed off the new artwork books.
 * Brian was wearing a new t-shirt available from the shop.

Part I
This episode takes place in Westruun in Tal'Dorei, where we find Vex leading Trinket (played by Matthew Mercer) away from the town to the edge of the Bramblewood as the annual Hazel Festival is about to begin and he isn't allowed there due to his honey stealing proclivity. Once Vex leaves he meets up with:


 * Peddy Tuxpin - A panda (Muscle)
 * Waffle - A sun bear (Hacker)
 * Cookie - A sun bear (Brains)
 * Liam Las Vegas - A honey badger (Driver)

Trinket takes on the role of thief, and after a brief discussion, the group decide to steal the honey from the festival and for this they will need disguises. Liam Las Vegas steals a variety of hats and cloaks from a passing salesman. He does this after the man mistakes him for a rat and Liam uses his carnage attack to claw his backside, scaring him away. The gang now have the necessary disguises in order to be able to enter the town undetected. They are helped in this endeavour as the gate guard had something in his eye when they approached and he mistook them for goliaths.

Once inside the town, the group can smell honey, but Peddy can also smell bamboo, which are the discarded honey spoons on the ground. They are initially unable to immediately locate the stockpile of honey.

They also see an old couple (the Jamesons) who are looking for their lost cows, as well as Pike wandering around offering samples of Slayer's Cake honey to festival goers. They are dissuaded from attacking her by Trinket, who is fully aware of how badly such an attack would go for them.

Then they happen upon Reginald's daughter Amelia, who is offering free samples of her competition honey. Trinket accepts some and passes it to Waffle and Cookie, so they can use it to track to the source.

It is now that they notice the third and final entrant into the honey competition, Victor, the Black Powder Merchant. Trinket recognizes that his honey has black powder in it because he recognizes the smell from Percy's boom boom tube. Waffle at this point, persuades Victor to fill his fez with gunpowder honey.

At this point, a carnival barker announces the arrival of the Fire Ashari Cultural Dance Troupe, all of whom are dancing with lit fire staffs. Trinket realizes the danger of fire being so close to Victor's honey. A chicken that was wandering around eating scraps from the floor, including some of Victor's honey, is hit with a small spark from the fire dancers and explodes in a puff of feathers.

Waffle is able to discern the direction the good honey came from, so Trinket sends the gang to follow the trail to the source, which appears to be the Sun Kissed Tavern, whilst he removes his disguise in order to frighten everyone away from the danger. Once the crowd have been scared away, Trinket let's the fire spinners know he was impressed by their performance and steals one of the fire staffs.

It is now that the gang can continue on their way. Liam steals a small cart to carry off the honey once it's been taken. This took some time as he wanted one that looked like the A-Team van. Liam eventually found a cart that had been pimped out by the de Rolo family.

While this is going on, they hear Mrs. Jamison shouting for her husband. Trinket also warns the gang of the danger of letting fire get too close the the hatful of honey.

It is at this point that two cows wearing hats, also trying to pass as civilians, accost the gang in an attempt to intimidate the bears using a stick that one of them holds like a tommy gun. The cows identify themselves as Bonnie & Cow. They are apparently sick of grass and hay, want the honey for themselves.

Peddy squares up to them and throws down. Cow drops his stick, so Peddy grabs it and realizes it is a magic stick, that when activated turns into a giant tree trunk that can be used to beat an opponent. Bonnie & Cow stampede attack the bears. Waffle uses his cloak like a bullfighter to try and trick Cow into running into a wall, but fails to trick Cow and gets trampled.

Cookie throws Liam on to Cow's back so he can 'carnage' at close range, whereupon Cow's throat gets shredded. Bonnie attacks Trinket, who roars at and intimidates her, scaring her away with the badly injured Cow in tow.

Trinket recognizes the cows as belonging to the Jamisons. Peddy uses the stick to hit Bonnie & Cow, not realizing that it turns into a tree trunk and accidentally kills them both with it. Waffle also steals a cigar and smokes it to enhance his disguise.

As the gang travels through the now deserted streets, they happen across a small boy being bullied by two older boys, causing Liam to slap one of the bully's on the back of the head. The boys try to defend themselves with a wooden sword, but faced by an angry honey badger and four bears, the fight is soon over and the bullies are frightened away.

As a thank you, the youngster tells them the code to gain entry to the honey vault and let's them know how to get into the building. It turns out that his father is the head of security there.

The team now start planning how to continue...

Break

 * Advertisement for the sponsor, Marvel Puzzle Quest.
 * Weekly giveaway with Brian Foster.
 * Jason Charles Miller introduces his new show, Starter Kit: Seventh Sea, designed to help novice players learn how to play and enjoy D&D.
 * Thrashtopia segment with Whitney Moore.
 * Learn how to play The Thing: Infection at Outpost 31 with Becca Scott.
 * Critters' art montage.

Part II
Cookie led the gang to the Sun Kissed Tavern, but they had to stop briefly on the way as the cart that Liam was pulling had a loud, squeaky wheel. Cookie solved the problem by urinating on the wheel to lubricate the axle.

They also heard the cries of the person who had discovered the Jameson's lost cows, just before they arrived at the tavern.

After a brief discussion, Cookie noticed a protruding pipe near the front door, so Waffle "hacked the main frame", which led him to discover a small alley that went in the direction they needed to get closer to the secure honey storage room. Peddy wanted to start a fire in the foyer as a distraction, but he was persuaded not to by Trinket.

After sneaking into the alley they discovered a nondescript, iron door which was partially open. There was a minor argument about the pros and cons of veganism as Peddy half-heartedly tried to convince the group to forget the honey and join him in the joys of bamboo.

Deciding that the open door was a trap, Liam instead attempted to climb an external pipe up to the second floor, but he kept sliding back down, getting quite irritated with the other members of the group who were ragging on him for his failure to get up the pipe.

Peddy hit his stick on the ground which caused an oak tree to instantly grow allowing Liam to reach a second floor balcony, once he was up, he urinated on the others. Then they lay in wait for Buford T. Justice, the head of security who was stationed in one of the suites, so Liam could teabag him.

Trinket knocked on the door where the security head was sat in front of a bank of scrying mirrors, Trinket tried to trick him by pretending to be a door-to-door preacher. The guard of course wasn't fooled and just assumed that the bears were rabid and were about to attack him. Peddy surprised the guard by slamming the door into his face just as Liam leapt on his back in order to try and tear his throat out, however the guard fought back and slammed Liam into the wall. Waffle joined in the attack, but Trinket warned the gang that the guard wasn't to be killed.

The commotion raised the suspicions of other guards, but the bears managed to trick them so they stayed away. Trinket also intimidated the head of security into giving them a clue to access the honey vault written on a piece of parchment. Then they intend to lock him in his room using a bearicade, but he makes too much noise, so Peddy is forced to knock him unconscious.

It was then that Trinket found and drank a bottle of mead, making him rather tipsy.

Waffle hacks the scrying mirrors and discovers the best route to the vault as well as the hazards that lay between the gang and the booty, including two people asleep in the corridor, and finally inside the main vault where three large honey barrels are stored. He also manages to disable the scrying mirrors so they can travel through the building without surveillance.

Once this is done, Cookie pushes Peddy out of the window so he lands heavily on (and T-bags) a guard that is patrolling the outside of the building. Then the gang climb back down the tree, hide the body of the unconscious guard and enter the front door of the tavern.

They come to the entrance to the pantry cellar where the honey has been secured, but it is being guarded by Grog. Fortunately for them, he is passed out drunk in his chair.

Trinket is forced to persuade the gang not to disturb Grog as he knows how dangerous the goliath barbarian is. Liam takes the opportunity to run outside and see if there is suitable getaway vehicle, and finds an unattended horse and cart. He also comes across another guard who is attempting to get into the security room and rips the guard's throat out, killing him. Then he moves the horse and cart in front of the main entrance of the tavern.

The gang can now sneak down to the cellar, once they pick the lock.

Unfortunately, Peddy wakes Grog when he steals a pair of sunglasses that Grog is wearing.

Grog, who is drunk and confused and starts wrestling with him. Peddy wins the bout and makes friends with Grog who is overly emotional and mistakes Peddy for a Grand Pooh Bah, whereas Peddy believes Grog is a panda due to his tattoos. Grog passes back out at this point. Peddy puts the glasses on and finds that he can now see through walls into the cellar and discovers several trip wires in there attached to an alarm system.

At this point, the gang are surprised when a dwarven woman enters the building and challenges them. It turns out that this is Tova the were-bear.

The gang offer to cut her in on the heist, but she informs them that she part of a super secret organization dedicated to protecting bears across Tal'Dorei, called the High Bear Nation. They steal honey and food to feed bears in need across the country. She also threatens to call the guard unless they give her the lion's share of the honey to distribute to needy bears, allowing them to keep only a hogshead of honey each.

As she was part of the team that set up the security, she gave them advice on how to deal with the trip wires and was impressed that they had already taken out the scrying mirrors. Trinket, being the thief of the gang is able to disarm the first trip wire. The second wire is different and needs to be hacked by Waffle. The final wire is then disarmed by Trinket.

Now they can proceed to the vault door that has a pedestal next to it bearing a puzzle key to unlock the vault. Tova activates the magic lock which involves holographic fish that need to be placed in certain baskets.

They successfully open the door and enter the vault to find the barrels of honey belonging to the three competition entrants. The honey belonging to Amelia and Pike looks inviting and delicious, whereas Victor's honey looks and smells suspiciously explosive. He also brought so much that it was spilling out of the barrels and covered a lot of the floor around the table. One of the torches mounted on the wall above the danger honey looks like it is on the verge of falling.

The whole group begin loading the good honey into the hand cart and trinket takes Cookie's top hat and places it on Victor's honey under the loose torch. As this is happening, Peddy notices two shadowy figures in the room above as he can see through the ceiling and warns the group.

Suddenly two ninja bears fall through the ceiling and two more appear in the doorway. Tova shouts, "Oh shit! It's the Bear Akuda!"

The attack causes one of the torch sconces swing loose, so Trinket attempts to clap the fire out. There is a massive fight. During which Trinket runs around attempting to put out the fires by urinating on them, unfortunately, he accidentally knocks Victor's honey all over the floor. Cookie mauls one of the ninjas, and Waffle throws the fez full of danger honey at another which covers one of them who then catches fire. When he falls, the fire rapidly spreads.

Tova shouts a warning and everyone attempts to flee the room. Waffle and Peddy make it through the door. Cookie pushes the last ninja into the fire band then he and Tova are pushed from the room by Trinket who is unfortunately caught in the sudden blast of the explosion and is thrown through the doorway.

The rest of the gang make it to safety, but see no sign of Trinket, they look back down the corridor and see a badly injured and unconscious Trinket on the floor. Peddy drags Trinket out into the street and gives him aggressive snout to snout resuscitation.

Liam spots a group of guards running towards the sound of the explosion and also a disorientated Grog stumbling through what's left of the front door.

Tova and the gang climb on to the horse and cart with the loot, but Trinket decides to stay behind with his family, and watches them escape

Vex appears and is distraught at the injuries that Trinket has received. She berates Grog, who she assumes is responsible for the explosion and comforts Trinket.

Vox Machina

 * Keyleth (DM-controlled)
 * Percival de Rolo (mentioned)
 * Scanlan Shorthalt (absent)
 * Grog Strongjaw (DM-controlled)
 * Pike Trickfoot (DM-controlled)
 * Trinket (played by Matthew Mercer)
 * Vax'ildan (absent)
 * Vex'ahlia (DM-controlled)

Player Characters

 * Cookie
 * Liam Las Vegas
 * Peddy Tuxpin
 * Waffle

New

 * Buford T. Justice

Returning

 * Tova
 * Victor
 * Amelia

Mentioned

 * Reginald

Inventory

 * A variety of hats
 * Fez full of explosive honey - Destroyed
 * Pimped out hand cart
 * Fire staff - Destroyed
 * Wand of tree trunkness
 * X-Ray sunglasses

Quotations
Trinket: Nobody is eating the gnome! Peddy: But she's so little. Cookie: Look at her, she's covered in honey. Trinket: She will destroy you, trust me. Liam: Is she poisonous if we bite into her? Trinket: Sure... We'll go with that.
 * Marisha: Hi everyone and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, Trinket's Honey Heist. Oh my god, I would like to start off by saying this is terrifying... Aah... And that's it!
 * Waffle: Alright, here's the question; how do you spell Sun Kissed? And I can't read.
 * Liam Las Vegas: I'm not a ferret, you piece of shit! Get away from him!
 * Cookie: (Referring to Pike) We eat the gnome, then we get the honey.
 * Trinket: (Reading the code from Buford) Green, pink, orange and yellow, not every fish is a friendly fellow, green is mean and pink stinks, yellow is mellow but orange is... Orange is... Screw it! That Hazel Festival committee woman can go to Hell, I'm not a riddle writer. Here's the code; Orange is the best color, so put one orange fish in each basket, except for two in the pink, heh, that one was my idea. Then the stupid, expensive door should open... I don't know why we're spending this much to lock up a few barrels of honey anyway. Signed Buford T. Justice, Head of Security.

Trivia

 * Marisha does a remarkable impersonation of Vex.