Transcript:Vecna, the Ascended

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

TRAVIS: (shouting) No, we don’t want to!

MATT: Tonight should be a very unique and climactic evening. I’m glad you could join us for it. Before we jump into it, we have some quick announcements to get through. First and foremost, our episode tonight is brought to you by our friends at Marvel Puzzle Quest. Thank you so much again for coming and being so supportive of the show. Sam! You have a word to say?

SAM: Marvel Puzzle Quest has epic news, guys! They’re celebrating four years strong, starting today! Today, it’s literally the only thing on my mind. When I heard that Rogue and the other X-Men are kicking off the celebration, I was like, “Vecna who?!” Forget that an immortal psychopath will probably wipe out three years of hard work on this show! Give me Marvel Puzzle Quest! Today, October 5th, is a big day. Not because we’re facing the ultimate harbinger of doom who will surely cut short our lives and story, no, but because, in 11 days, on October 16th– until then– Marvel Puzzle Quest gives you free gifts! Double XP rewards, including the all-new X-men versus Apocalypse event, which is the only event I’m thinking of, and the only event that kept me awake last night in a cold sweat until 4:00am. A cold sweat of excitement for Marvel Puzzle Quest! Did I mention that you can recruit Gambit for the first time? I’m not crying inside anymore! Did I also mention Nightcrawler is coming later this month? Nightcrawler, who can teleport around and isn’t frozen with fear, contemplating his inevitable demise two hours from now, at the hands of a one-eyed master of hell who will destroy everything and everyone we’ve loved! So download Marvel Puzzle Quest now for free on Apple and Android devices because I’m so happy!

TRAVIS: Written through wine and tears.

MATT: Thank you, Sam, and thank you, Marvel Puzzle Quest. Do we have any merch updates, Laura?

LAURA: (fake sobbing) There’s shirts and there’s hats and there’s hoodies! And there’s Tarot cards, and– No, but seriously, the shirt of Matt, of our evil DM who’s about to kill us all, you can get a shirt that has his face on it, evilly smirking, so it’s perfect.

TALIESIN: The last thing Vox Machina ever sees, immortalized on a shirt. It’s the grinning face of our destroyer.

LAURA: Check it out! There’s a ton of stuff available! It’s great. And we’ve got some really awesome stuff coming up for the holidays, too, so keep that in mind.

LIAM: Like Critical Role urns to hold the ashes of your friends!

LAURA: Terrible.

LIAM: It’s me.

MATT: For the Critical Role podcast on iTunes, we have now up to episode 55 released. Hopefully have more announcements as it goes up, as more episodes are available. So go check it out. Slowly getting caught up, piece by piece. Once again, our comic, Vox Machina: Origins, Critical Role comic through Dark Horse, is available. We’re going to have a new issue coming up in the near future, so very soon. Issue two. Excited for you guys to see it. Talks Machina is this Tuesday, of course, about this episode. 7:00pm Pacific time, here on Twitch and Alpha, for our wonderful host, Brian W. Foster. We can all drink together on set. Don’t forget to submit any of your fanart or gifs to submit@talksmachina.com. Do you have a Wednesday Club episode coming up, too?

TALIESIN: We do. It’s October, which is wonderful and great. We’re going to be covering monsters. We’re doing monster books. We’re going to be talking about the origins of Groot and some of the big creepy monsters of yesteryear, and some modern creepy monster books. I, Vampire, and etc. Fun.

MATT: Fantastic. Thank you, Taliesin. Also, apparently, Twitch has extended Sub-tember all the way to Sub-tober! Or at least, up until Twitch Con, which is in a few weeks. So if you’re a first time sub, you get half off for a few more weeks on every channel. If you want to support this or any of your other favorite channels on Twitch, now is the time to do it before this goes away, or it becomes Sub-Vember. So check it out, and awesome! That is all of our announcements, guys.

TRAVIS: Wait, wait.

LIAM: I have enough nervous energy to power the US Navy right now.

LAURA: He’s shaking his leg so much. Don’t move your leg!

MARISHA: Going to have blood pressure issues after this.

MATT: Well, let’s carry that energy onward as we dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role!

[dramatic music]

Part I
MATT: Welcome back. So last we left off, Vox Machina had been traveling for a means of stopping the ascension of the Whispered One, Vecna, the lich seeking ascension to godhood. Unfortunately failed to do so, as he transported his Shadowfell city of Thar Amphala into the Prime Material world. Using the Ritual of Seeding that was once responsible for bringing the Raven Queen into the pantheon brought him as well as the sole god on this side of the Divine Gate, and possible god-ruler of the Prime Material Plane. Using the power of his worshippers and of his newfound abilities in his avatar god form, he gave temporary undead life to a long-buried, dead, Primordial Earth Titan that lay deep beneath the ground in Issylra. It has begun hulking its way, closer and closer toward the Dawn Cradle, the city of Vasselheim, as you, traversing through the innards of this titan, making your way within the city of Thar Amphala, sneakily finding your way beneath the dome, which he had constructed to keep outside any of the assailing forces. You managed to defeat and destroy Delilah, made an ally of Arkhan, the oathbreaker paladin dragonborn, sent Sylas off to recover, and hopefully have enough time. You ascended the tower of Entropis, where you fell into one of a number of traps that Vecna had laid out for you, causing you to kill two, almost three, of your closest friends and family. Managing to recover them within an inch of irrecoverability, you sent them with Gilmore off to safety as the black knight made its way up the staircase, Arkhan heading it off at the pass, giving you the opportunity to rise up to the top of the tower to face Vecna, the Ascended. You quickly take these last 20 or so seconds as you rush up the steps, one after the other, your heartbeat pulsing through your body, your breath coming in and out with staggered beats. Vox Machina, what do you want to do with these last 20 seconds?

LAURA: I’m going to take out a vial of holy oil, and I’m going to dip my needle arrows that Tary gave me into the holy oil. I’m going to pour the remainder on Trinket’s claws.

SAM: How far are we from the entry to this chamber, or whatever?

MATT: You’re not entirely certain. As you guys are ascending, you begin to see a peek of greenish light that’s peeking up ahead, starting to brighten the spiral staircase as you ascend. You get the sense you’re getting close.

SAM: When we get 20 feet away from it, 15 feet away from it, I’m going to cast Unseen Servant and hand him my whip. Tell Scanlan Two: buddy, I need you, but not right away. When this whip falls, come in the room.

LAURA: Oh! No!

MATT: The secondary Scanlan takes a moment, looks at you, nods. “Okay.”

SAM: I believe in you, buddy. I’ve always believed in Number Two.

MATT: “Truer words were never spoken. And if you fall, I’ll tell the tale of the Scanlan that left me with his Number Two Whip.”

SAM: I love you, buddy.

MATT: “I love you, too.” You’re not sure if you should go in for a kiss or not.

SAM: We shake hands.

TRAVIS: I’m waiting. I’m waiting to see our foe before I smash.

MATT: For the record, as the ascent and the time it’s cast, you’ll probably arrive at the top of the tower with about– for the purposes of gameplay and time wishy-washiness, I’ll give you about 30 seconds, once the encounter starts, in which the Haste will remain. 25 to 30.

LIAM: While that conversation was happening, I tug Keyleth back and the wings flex out and around in a bit of a shell around us. Quickly. Forever and ever and always. I steal what I assume is my last kiss. Let’s go.

ASHLEY: Oh no, I’m already crying! We haven’t started!

SAM: Why can’t we hear you?

ASHLEY: Wait, can you hear me?

LAURA: There, now we can!

ASHLEY: Before we go out there, let’s hold hands real quick. Just know, I love you guys so much and you’re my family. We’re going to make it through this, okay? I’m going to cast Holy Aura on everybody.

SAM: What’s that? What does that do?

ASHLEY: Okay, basically, if you stay within 30 feet of me– I can’t even read this because my eyes are watering. You have advantage on all saving throws and other creatures have disadvantage on attack rolls.

LIAM: All saves.

SAM: Wait, Matt’s correcting you.

MATT: Interesting point of order. They don’t have to be within 30 feet of you for it to affect you. It looks like as long as they’re within 30 feet of you when you cast it, then you guys can run anywhere.

TRAVIS: Are you serious?! That’s even better!

LAURA: Okay, so advantage on saving throws? Anybody attacking us gets disadvantage?

MARISHA: Is that on melee attacks, or all attacks?

MATT: Attack rolls.

ASHLEY: When a fiend or undead hits an affected creature with a melee attack, the Aura flashes a brilliant light. The attacker must succeed on a constitution saving throw or be blinded until the spell ends.

TRAVIS: That’s fucking great.

TALIESIN: That’ll do.

SAM: Why haven’t we always used this?

TRAVIS: Don’t worry about it. She’s been at her books.

LIAM: She’s all growed up.

MATT: Heading up the stairs, the greenish light of the surface greets you as you break toward the top of the tower. This ascent is somewhat familiar to Keyleth, having seen this exact arrival once before, as you were originally scrying on the death knight. As soon as you hit the peak, the wind sends your hair behind you and scattering across your face. As you can see, the extremely strong cyclone that encapsulates the top of this tower is now swirling around you. There are occasional breaks in the clouds, where you see glimpses of the sprawling city of Vasselheim right below you. You see the titan’s feet have already breached the outer walls and have begun crushing their way through the Braving Grounds of the city. Columns of smoke swirl upward to engulf the behemoth’s legs with each impact. You get the sense the entire city is leaned forward as it’s begun to assault thousands upon thousands of soldiers that have swarmed up toward the base of the creature. You can see arrow and spell being flung from a distance. You can see other flying soldiers, wyvern-riders, eagle-riders, across the way that are crashing into gloomstalker clouds that are swooping down to engulf the skies above the city, as the four giant arms of this titan continue to pummel and smash, tossing large towers and temples, breaking into bits of rubble and rock. You can see hundreds of warriors man siege weapons against this unstoppable, ancient threat as giant rocks and boulders go flying past, slamming the sides of the giant dome that still remain holding. However, there you can see the large wedge that you had already left free and open, where the soldiers that managed to break through the initial onslaught of the gloomstalkers are beginning to swarm in and try and make their way in your direction. Bolts of green energy crackle and fork through the swirling clouds around you. Your eyes creep upward to lock onto the terrifying avatar form of Vecna the Ascended. The Undying King-made-God is now a huge skeletal lich body, floating about 40 feet above the tower, staring down at you, tendrils of screaming souls entwined within his limbs, and the tome he has clutched in his right hand. Stretching with every gesture, you see the faces screech and cry in pain as they’re withered and torn as his arms shift downward to greet you. The gaping left socket is almost blinding with crackling power, arcs of arcane tethers crawling across his chest and face. His left hand, however, is whole. Seemingly recovered a part of his previous power. The hand of Vecna appears to have been reattached. The artifact now pulses with the same green energy that sparks from his voided socket. Across his long tattered red robes and his dark golden armor, his ribcage glows from within, sending beams of sickly green light out at each gap. And there, floating in the bones, the faint outline of a small humanoid form locked within. Make a perception check, everyone.

LAURA: What?

MARISHA: Who is it, though?

TRAVIS: Nine.

TALIESIN: Natural 20.

LAURA: 31.

LIAM: 24.

SAM: Eight.

MARISHA: 21.

ASHLEY: 25.

MATT: Ooh, nice. So you five look up to see an unconscious little girl, of human and elven descent. Velora floats, encased within the ribcage of the avatar form. She appears to be in some sort of a trance and is held by nothing but air and energy. A terrible familiar smile creeps across the face, his thin mummified lips curling into an impossibly long exaggerated smile that defies the constraints of the skull that held it. “I was curious who would seek my blessing first. You all have proven driven enough to deserve the personal touch of my wrath. When I discovered your wily tricks merely shifting about beneath my nose, the humor of it was not lost on me. This omniscience is still new. I learned to push my limits with each passing moment. I thank you for showing me. I reward you by sharing with you the ruin of this once beautiful city, a familiar oblivion to you each, now perfected.” I would like you all to please place yourselves.

SAM: It’s so simple and beautiful.

MATT: You’ve arrived.

TRAVIS: I feel like it’s not what we think it is.

MATT: Place yourselves around this entrance in what order you would’ve ascended to this point.

LAURA: Where’s Vecna?

SAM: What is that thing in the middle?

MATT: I’ll show you once you place yourselves based on how you ascended.

TRAVIS: We’re right near the entrance, right, no further?

LAURA: Everybody just came out and we’re standing in a big clump right here.

MATT: Unless you wanted to scatter, let’s say about anywhere from 15 to 20 feet from where the entrance is as you rush out to look over the side of the wall. All right, we have Percival over here.

LAURA: I’m on the other side of Percival.

MARISHA: Can you move Keyleth to where Percival was?

MATT: So I’ll say over here?

SAM: I’ll be next to Grog.

LIAM: Where’s Vex now? She’s over there? I’m going to go to the side of this glowy thing. Can I get there?

MATT: You can get about this far. For just the ascension.

ASHLEY: I’m going to be close to Grog, too.

TRAVIS: The action that I held coming up the stairs. Can I cast Enlarge?

MATT: I’ll say you can do that as he’s speaking.

LIAM: Can I get any farther with my wings out? I popped them out before we came up.

MATT: Then (whooshing). There’s Grog. We’ll say you can get, for the sake of placement, about 20 feet up.

LIAM: No, I wanted to hover like five feet above–

MATT: To this side? Because you have your wings out, sure. I’ll let you get there.

LAURA: Trinket is going to stay right at the entrance.

MATT: Right there?

LAURA: Yeah. Good boy.

SAM: Guard that entrance.

LAURA: He’s just waiting to see what’s going on.

SAM: This is fine.

LAURA: Oh my god!

TRAVIS: What the fuck is that?

MARISHA: That’s amazing.

SAM: What!

MARISHA: Can you see this, Ash?

ASHLEY: I just see a lot of swirls.

MARISHA: Ash, I’m going to take a picture and send it to you.

LAURA: Make sure you get his good side.

SAM: Oh man, he looks so cool.

LAURA: Did you do this, Matthew? You made this, didn’t you? You painted it?

MATT: Well, I had friends help me, because I’ve been planning a wedding.

LIAM: Before he started, that was Optimus Prime.

(laughter)

MATT: That was actually converted from my Critter gift a while back.

LAURA: Really?

MATT: Yeah. So even the community helped. So to give you some perspective in size to his newly ascended avatar form, all of his power focused into a single, physical entity, that is the Vecna produced since the Ritual of Seeding.

TRAVIS: Shit.

MATT: I would like you all to roll initiative.

(screaming)

ASHLEY: Holy crap.

TRAVIS: Let’s do this. Here we go.

SAM: Can I inspire myself for this roll?

MATT: It’s an ability check, I think, right?

SAM: Yeah, but I don’t have a turn.

LAURA: I already forgot. It’s like I just walked into Target. I’ve lost all brain function.

MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil. Hey, not bad!

LIAM: Thanks Gil.

MATT: There we go. Now we got the music going. All right. So 30 to 25?

TRAVIS: 27.

LAURA: 25.

MATT: 25 to 20?

LIAM: 22.

TRAVIS: Why are you all so fucking quiet over there?

MATT: 20 to 15?

TALIESIN: 15.

MARISHA: 17.

MATT: And Percival. 15 to ten?

TRAVIS: Fucking gnomes! What happened?

MATT: Ten to five?

SAM: Eight.

LAURA: Ashley, what did you roll?

ASHLEY: Two!

(laughter)

LIAM: It’s like a chime.

ASHLEY: Off to a good start.

SAM: Unless I can inspire myself.

MATT: If you want to.

SAM: I mean, I’m not going to get anywhere higher in the order.

LAURA: You might go before whatever some of the shit that he doles out. He’s just going to consistently dole shit out.

MARISHA: Oh my god, this is awful.

MATT: Vecna goes first.

LAURA: Of course he does, he’s a god!

MARISHA: You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

MATT: As he stands above, he lifts his hand. You watch as the atmosphere above, at the outskirts of this cyclone above the city, a tear in space and time begins to rip. A familiar sound you’ve heard once before. You watch as giant flaming rocks, three of them, go firing down into Vasselheim. You watch as the apex of the temple of Kord gets impacted and crumbles down to one side in a flaming ruin. You watch as a secondary one slams down into the center of the city, in a familiar district to you, Pike. And a third one goes arcing off towards the temple of the Raven Queen. And with a distant explosion, the flash encompasses that vicinity. This is what you would notice, if the fourth one didn’t come flying straight for the top of the tower.

TRAVIS: Goddamn it. It’s personal now.

MATT: As it slams into the center of the tower apex, I need everybody to make a dexterity saving throw.

LAURA: Everybody gets advantage. Yes, and he gets disadvantage on things against us.

LIAM: We get advantage on saves from Pike’s spell.

MATT: That’s correct.

LAURA: Any spell from an evil creature that attacks me takes 4d6 radiant damage and is knocked prone.

MATT: That’s correct. So go ahead and roll the damage.

LIAM: Is Grog within ten feet of me?

MATT: Grog is, yes.

LIAM: Then you get plus two from me.

MARISHA: Oh yeah, did everyone pop their blessings?

LAURA: Yeah, we all popped our blessings. Yes, Pelor! 12 radiant damage. Woo!

SAM: Hey, I think he’s looking pretty rough.

LAURA: He’s bloodied. He’s definitely bloodied.

MATT: So what did you get?

TRAVIS: 17.

LAURA: Oh, for saving throws? Sorry, I rolled my–

SAM: With advantage.

LAURA: And what is this? Saving throw for dexterity?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: I get to add plus four right, because we’re blessed?

LIAM: d4, that’s right.

LAURA: 29. Plus three. That’s 32.

TRAVIS: 17.

MATT: Fail.

LAURA: 32.

MATT: Success.

LIAM: 30.

MATT: Success.

MARISHA: 21.

MATT: Fail.

TALIESIN: 15.

MATT: Fail.

SAM: Natural 20. 26.

MATT: Just succeeds.

LAURA: Wait, if we roll a natural 20, that doesn’t mean it’s an automatic success? We still have to add numbers to it?

SAM: Ones are an automatic fail, twenties are not successes, right?

MATT: With a skill set. With a saving throw, I generally consider a natural 20 an auto-success. But letting you know, that’s still barely a pass.

TRAVIS: 25 is his–

SAM: DC.

MATT: 26.

TRAVIS: 26 is?

MATT: He just made it. Pike, what did you roll?

ASHLEY: 20. Not a natural 20, but 19 plus one.

MATT: So everyone who failed, you take 67 points of bludgeoning damage. Halved if you succeeded.

MARISHA: 67?

LAURA: So 34?

MATT: And 66 points of fire damage.

TRAVIS: What is it?

MATT: 67 and 66, yeah.

TRAVIS: And I take half of that as well.

LIAM: And evasion evades all of that?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Can I do an uncanny dodge for any of that? That’s just for melee attacks?

MATT: Uncanny dodge is for a melee attack.

TRAVIS: I’ll get the calculator out, because my brain is not working.

ASHLEY: Wait, what kind of damage was this?

MATT: Bludgeoning and fire.

ASHLEY: I have resistance to bludgeoning.

LAURA: You have resistance to fire, too.

MATT: We’ll say 66 points of damage is what you take.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Also, Pike and anybody with a concentration spell, I need you to make a concentration check.

LIAM: Do I, with the evasion?

MATT: You do not, because you did not take any damage.

SAM: It’s a plus what now? Charisma?

MATT: It’s a constitution saving throw.

LAURA: So you get advantage on that saving throw.

TRAVIS: I remember three meteors last time, not four.

SAM: I mean, there’s no way we can beat the amount of damage he did.

ASHLEY: 22.

MATT: With half the damage? No. So Holy Aura fades.

TRAVIS: Holy Aura fades.

MARISHA: Are you serious?

SAM: 27.

MATT: 27? You maintain concentration. Wait, no, because half the damage would be 33. You do not. There’s too much damage, no, you’re right.

SAM: The whip falls to the floor.

MATT: Wait, you took 30– I’m sorry, you took half damage from everything. No, it’s still 66. So you guys do drop your spells, unfortunately.

TRAVIS: Oh my god. Literally, oh my shitty, undead god.

TALIESIN: This a lot. I’m having a hard time figuring out this damage.

MATT: That’s okay. Figure out the math here, because it sunders the tower.

TRAVIS: It what?!

SAM: What does that mean?

TRAVIS: It fucking ignites and explodes the tower. Sunders is not a good word.

LAURA: So if we can’t fly–

SAM: It sunders the tower?

LIAM: Break. To split asunder.

MATT: If I could get somebody to take this off here for me?

SAM: But that map was so pretty.

LAURA: You’re splitting the party!

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

SAM: How did you make that? How did you build that thing?

LAURA: This is crazy!

TALIESIN: This is not cool, dude.

LIAM: Worst Carvel cake ever!

MARISHA: Yeah. He ordered these. They are cake stands and I was like, oh are these for our wedding cake? And he was like–

SAM: No.

TRAVIS: You cracked the tower! What is the matter with you?!

MARISHA: Cake of fucking death.

TRAVIS: I’m at a loss for what we’re looking at right now.

LAURA: Matt, this is so cool, but terrible.

TALIESIN: I’m at precisely 70 points.

MARISHA: I can’t believe this.

MATT: All right. So using the photo replication of this.

MARISHA: Is it floating, like a gravitational state?

MATT: I also need everyone to make a strength saving throw, please.

SAM: Saving throw at advantage.

LAURA: Not anymore.

SAM: What, why?

LAURA: Because she lost Holy Aura, because he fucking did all the damage.

MATT: Sorry, it’s in the wrong direction.

TRAVIS: That’s all right, take your time.

LIAM: If I’m airborne, do I make the same strength saving throw?

MATT: No. Anyone who’s flying doesn’t have to worry about it, necessarily.

TALIESIN: Where were you earlier, fucker?

TRAVIS: Let us know if we can help.

ASHLEY: Oh wait, did you say anyone who’s flying doesn’t have to–

MATT: Doesn’t have to make the strength saving throw.

TRAVIS: You should be okay. Because of your dope-ass Sarenrae wings or whatever.

MATT: So as that detonates and sends it this way, that puts us–

SAM: So Holy Aura’s gone?

LAURA: Yep. That fast.

SAM: That was fun.

ASHLEY: That’s cool.

SAM: It saved us a bunch of points of damage, though.

LAURA: Was he knocked prone?

MATT: No, he’s immune to prone.

LAURA: Of course he is.

TRAVIS: He’s immune to prone?

SAM: How does he make love?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: You went there, that fast.

LIAM: He’s so happy though, now that his hand is back. Let me tell you.

LAURA: It’s only up against a wall, for Vecna.

MATT: You guys all got slammed and scattered across this tower, from the explosion. Where he is now, currently. Uses his movement to shift over here and move up.

TRAVIS: Best laid plans, huh?

TALIESIN: No plan survives contact with the enemy. That’s the truth.

SAM: Wait, can your thing still–

MARISHA: It should still be able to work, yeah, theoretically.

LAURA: Theoretically.

LIAM: You sick bastard, Matt, I love you so much. Slash hate you.

MATT: So after the explosion hits, the ringing in your ear begins to subside, your vision returns, and you look about the now-broken tower. You’ve grabbed on to what you can, so strength saving throws for those who weren’t flying.

TRAVIS: 24.

SAM: 12.

LAURA: 20.

TALIESIN: 27.

MARISHA: 19.

TALIESIN: 22, I mean. 22. I’m so sorry.

MATT: So everybody but Scanlan makes the save. So Scanlan, with the detonation, you get thrown off the side of the tower and begin to plummet off the side.

SAM: Great. Awesome.

MATT: So I’ll put you right there for the time being from the impact of it. Moving back, that’s going to end Vecna’s turn. Grog, you’re up first.

TRAVIS: I’m up first.

SAM: Should I roll initiative for the guy in the hallway?

MATT: Sure.

SAM: Okay, 16.

MARISHA: Yeah, the whip is down.

TALIESIN: You should’ve sent the guy in the hallway in first, maybe.

MARISHA: I love that from his perspective, you were like, “If the whip hits the floor, come after us.”

(footsteps) (yelling) (crashing)

MATT: Also, did you roll 4d6 damage?

LAURA: Yes I did.

MATT: How much was it?

LAURA: 12.

MATT: 12 points of radiant damage to him. The flash hits, he floats up, and now you can see he chuckles, looking down at the destruction. The green tendrils of energy, the vein-like projections that have been clutching the tower together, are now extending out like tethers, grasping the bottom of each floating island that used to be the top of Entropis as they slowly shift, held in place, and rotate around, the storm still cycling around you.

LAURA: That’s so crazy! They’re like floating things?

MATT: Yeah, they’re floating, now held in place by these green tethers, and they’re slowly shifting. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: Hasted, can I attempt to leap from this island to the one that Vax is currently on?

MATT: Yeah, make an athletics check.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MARISHA: So it looks like those electro-touchy balls? What are those called?

TRAVIS: 28.

MATT: 28? Yeah, easy. You leap over, it would be 20 feet of movement.

TRAVIS: Can I move to this corner?

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Can I attach the chain of returning to the Sword of Kas, and throw it up to Vecna? Reckless.

MATT: Sure, go for it.

LAURA: Reckless?

TRAVIS: Like it matters.

SAM: Everything is reckless at this point.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s true.

LAURA: We all rage.

TRAVIS: 31 to hit.

MATT: 31 hits. So as you’re getting the chain, as you leap over and go running across the platforms, you can see the entire platform is lilted to one side and some stones are tumbling and skidding off the side. You can see bits of the stone are charred from the immediate destruction and impact of the meteors. And as you pull the chain out, as you rush and attach it, the voice pulses through your head. “Yes! He’s here. Right there. Kill him! Take him down! Deliver me!”

TRAVIS: Can’t wait. Okay. Calm down. 22. This is undead?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Just checking. Ten, 32, 33. Plus enlarge. Plus four, so 37 necrotic damage.

MATT: Necrotic?

TRAVIS: Well no, I’m sorry. Not necrotic. Just 37 regular slashing damage.

MATT: All right, so 37 points of slashing damage. All right. With that you toss the blade up into the side. “Oh.” And you see for a second, there’s a brief flash of recognition and a slight sliver of worry on his brow for but an instant, before his hand reaches up and grabs towards to try and pull the blade out.

TRAVIS: I pull the chain back, catch it with my hasted action, throw it again. Reckless.

MATT: Okay so you pull it back and make your attack.

TRAVIS: That’s 27.

MATT: 27? That hits.

TRAVIS: 20. That’s a nine so 34 plus one. 35 points of slashing damage.

MATT: 35 points of slashing damage. As you draw the blade back for the second swing and you rotate it as it goes, “I can taste him,” and you fling it upward and it pierces once more into the abdomen. Each time, you begin to grow more and more nervous with the proximity of the blade towards the currently unconscious and contained little girl inside the chest.

TRAVIS: I do?

MATT: Others may. You may be fine. But it’s passing within like a foot of her each time.

TRAVIS: Where is she in relation to him?

MATT: Inside the chest cavity.

TRAVIS: Right. Got to keep that in mind.

MATT: Second time as it hits, there’s another flash of dark energy. Are you withdrawing it?

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: Okay. Make another check to pull it out.

SAM: Is she like in his chest cavity?

MATT: Yeah, contained in it.

TRAVIS: That’s a natural 19. That’ll do it.

MATT: Yeah, You pull it back. Is that your turn?

TRAVIS: I’m frenzied so I have another attack.

MATT: You do.

TRAVIS: Okay. Reckless. Last one.

MATT: Hold on. No, I’m sorry. Because you used–

TRAVIS: Attack was to throw one, but I only get the one because I can’t do attack-attack.

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: And then the hasted is another action and then the bonus is to make another attack, but only a single.

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: Does that work?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: So it’s a 30 flat. No?

MATT: I’m thinking for this, because it’s not like the hammer you throw up, returns every single time. It’s like you impact and then you have to pull it back each time.

TRAVIS: It takes more than an attack action.

MATT: Yeah, so I’d say you attack, then you used your hasted action to pull it back and let’s say you– bonus action threw it in. So it’s actually still in him. So it’s currently embedded in him with the chain now taut at the maximum length. He’s now 30 feet above you. 35 technically, but you’re in large mode.

TRAVIS: I have some speed left. Can I run and jump across? I want to land over here.

MATT: Make an athletics check.

SAM: I know you do, but do we as players care about this girl?

TRAVIS: 19.

MATT: 19? Yeah. That’ll work.

LAURA: Yeah, you do you.

TRAVIS: I don’t know. Up here man, shit’s floating in the fucking air–

MATT: As you run and leap and bound, you manage to catch the edge. Let me check real fast.

LIAM: I mean I did just kill your daughter.

LAURA: It’s true. So it is up to you.

LIAM: She was brought back, but I did kill her.

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Casualties of war.

MATT: Actually, a number of feet up to your strength score. If you move at least ten feet on foot, so–

TRAVIS: Feet up to my strength score?

MATT: Yeah. So you don’t have to roll for that. You can move 26 feet with a jump, as long as you get ten feet of run-up because of your speed. So yeah, you leap across without issue. The chain is taut as you Tarzan-swing across the way and land on the other side, still holding on to it.

TRAVIS: How did that feel?

MATT: “Delicious.” He’s talking to you from a distance. At the end your turn, Vecna’s going to use two legendary actions–

LAURA and TRAVIS: Two legendary actions?!

MATT: Yes, to cast a spell. As a reaction, as you glance past. “Oh no, we cannot let that stay near.” And as he pulls out and opens his hands, I need you to go ahead, Grog, and make a– Actually, you don’t make a saving throw. Grog vanishes from the battlefield. Gone. You watch as this space closes around it. Grog. You suddenly appear in a darkened tunnel of some kind. You look around and you can see hard walls to each point and ahead of you, it splits in two different directions. Behind you, it splits into three different directions.

TRAVIS: I’m back in the chest of the titan? Does it look familiar? Do I remember?

MATT: It looks completely unfamiliar.

TRAVIS: It splits in two behind me–

MATT: Two ahead of you and then three behind you.

MARISHA: Are you in the Maze of the Abyss?

TRAVIS: Do I recognize it?

MATT: No, you’ve never seen this place before in your life.

MARISHA: You’re in the Endless Maze of the Abyss. You got to be.

LAURA: I don’t know what that is.

TRAVIS: It’s not my turn anymore.

MATT: Nope. That’s the end of Grog’s turn. Vex, you’re up.

MARISHA: It’s another plane.

TRAVIS: I completely forgot that happened last time. Of all the tactical things I watched.

LAURA: It wasn’t him that did it. It was the other guy. It was the death knight that did it to you last time.

TRAVIS: That’s right. It was the death knight. How did we fix that last time?

LAURA: I’m going to look over at Percy and grab his hand for a second.

MATT: Do enough damage to make him drop concentration. That’s what you did last time to bring him back.

TALIESIN: I regret nothing.

LAURA: Nothing at all. Hunter’s Mark!

MATT: Hunter’s Mark Vecna. All right. Bonus action.

LAURA: Yeah, get ready Vecna–

LIAM: 1d6, bitch!

MATT: Oh god.

LIAM: He’s dead.

MATT: That’s not helping.

TALIESIN: He’s wearing it like a bangle from the 80s.

TRAVIS: I like how he’s surrounded by swirls of Aquafresh.

LAURA: And I’m going to run over to where Grog had been-ish–

TRAVIS: And mourn?

LAURA: Cry over you? Not quite that far. I’m staying against the wall. Yeah, that’s better. Not that it matters very much. Then I’m going to shoot him with my holy damage/needle arrow.

MATT: Go for it. Roll for the attack.

LAURA: Okay, that is a 30.

MATT: 30? That hits.

LAURA: Great. Can I make it a bramble shot?

MATT: Sure.

SAM: I’m falling, right?

MATT: You are. You got lobbed off the side from the explosion and the tower crumbling beneath you. You couldn’t find purchase. You grabbed part of the stone and your fingers slid and scraped off.

MARISHA: You got something for that, right?

SAM: Yeah, but gets me out of commission for a round.

TALIESIN: We’ve got to figure out how to get Grog back.

LAURA: 41 damage. And he has to make a strength saving throw.

TRAVIS: That breaks concentration, right?

LAURA: Well yeah, but–

MATT: That is–

TRAVIS: What? Don’t look at that. What was it?

MATT: Okay. He’s going to burn a legendary resistance. He does not want to be restrained right now.

TRAVIS: He has used two legendary actions and a resistance, right?

MARISHA: Yeah, but I think he gets two or three legendary actions per turn.

MATT: So he burns off that. So that was a total of 41 damage. So half that.

LAURA: Oh wait! Oh, never mind. Yes, 41 damage.

MATT: So he’s going to make a concentration check. Yeah, he succeeds. That’s 22.

LAURA: Okay. I’m going to hit him again.

MATT: He had to roll a 20.

LAURA: I’m going to hit him again with another needle arrow.

TRAVIS: Don’t be afraid of rolling ones, man.

LAURA: What was that before I hit it?

TRAVIS: 11. Did it move?

LAURA: I don’t what it was before I hit it with this dice.

LIAM and TRAVIS: Reroll.

LAURA: Sorry. Actually, I think that was probably it.

TRAVIS: It was lower. Since we’re being honest.

LAURA: 25.

LIAM: Is this your #blessed?

MATT: 25 piercing damage.

LAURA: No, that’s a 25 to hit.

MATT: Oh, 25 to hit? I’m sorry, yes, that hits.

LAURA: Okay. That’s good. 25 hits. 19. That’s it? I don’t get any sneak attack? Nothing?

MATT: 19 points of damage?

LAURA: 19 points. Does he get any holy damage from those arrows?

MATT: No. What it does is it bypasses or can hit creatures that normally are immune to non-magical weapons like those ghosts and things, so it doesn’t have an additional effect that you can see from it, unfortunately.

LAURA: Oh, all right.

MATT: So how much damage was it?

LAURA: 19.

LIAM: Hey now, this is our first god we’re fighting.

MATT: Okay, yeah. He does make his save still. So as the two arrows swish past and slam into part of his neck, it seems to pass through, a period where it’s just energy. A second one whisks through the bottom of his body–

LAURA: Plus another one point of damage.

MATT: All right. 20. And he glances down at you, the eye flashes, “Oh don’t worry, I’m coming for you soon enough.” That end your turn?

LAURA: Yes. I forgot.

MATT: (laughter) That’s amazing.

SAM: I’m inspired.

TALIESIN: I feel a little better.

MATT: You’ve taken enough care through aiming to not strike anywhere near who you recognize within.

LAURA: Yes.

TRAVIS: What size would you say Vecna is?

MATT: He would be considered gargantuan. Why?

TRAVIS: Oh, I can’t grapple him.

MATT: Well, you have the powerful build. So you’re considered large, and you can grapple one size larger than that.

LAURA: Trinket is going to look around, really confused, and scooch a couple of squares

closer to Pike.

MATT: Okay, perfect. That ends your turn?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Vecna, end of your turn, is going to use a third legendary action to use a Firebolt against– let’s say against you, since you just shot him.

LAURA: Great, cool!

MATT: So spell attack. That is a 35.

LAURA: To hit?

MATT: To hit, yeah.

LAURA: I guess, yeah.

MARISHA: Did he do a Flame Strike?

MATT: It’s 4d10. Nope, it’s a Firebolt, a cantrip.

TRAVIS: (laughter) It’s a cantrip?

MATT: 21 points of fire damage to you. As the bolt slams into you.

LAURA: Great. He takes 4d6 radiant damage again, from hitting me.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: Nine points of radiant damage.

MATT: Rolls for concentration. Natural one.

LAURA: Oh my God! That means we get Grog back!

MATT: He’s going to go ahead and use his legendary resistance to maintain it.

LAURA: Can he do that?

TRAVIS: My despair is growing by the second with those words that you just uttered.

LAURA: How many legendary resistances does he get?

SAM: Probably five.

LAURA: He has as many as he wants. He resists everything.

MATT: That’s going to finish your turn, I believe?

TRAVIS: That’s a weird feeling.

MATT: I’m sorry.

LAURA: We have to keep hitting him and try to break his concentration.

MATT: All right, Vax, you’re up next.

LIAM: Click the boots. What I’d like to do is fly within ten feet of him. To do that, how far am I flying? I have 120 feet of movement, wings out, hasted.

MATT: Correct. From that distance, about 45 feet.

LIAM: Spending 45 feet to get there? Once I’m in ten feet, as a bonus action I cast Vow of Enmity on him. To start. I have no idea if I’m in range? It doesn’t seem like I’m in range, but I don’t know. But that’s within ten feet of him?

MATT: Yeah, about ten feet.

LIAM: Just in case, I’m going to use my hasted action to disengage and fly away from him– no! I’m going to use my regular action to attack twice as a paladin. At advantage, first one (groans), I’m going to use–

LAURA: Plus four!

LIAM: Right, plus four. Hold on, where did my four go? Someone give me a four! I don’t know where my own four went.

MARISHA: Take it!

LAURA: Oh, I was going to hand him the same one!

MARISHA: (laughs) Take the dark purple, moody one! Or I should have given you a different one.

LIAM: It’s going to be plus one. I already did that. It’s going to be a 24 on that, to hit.

MATT: 24 hits.

LIAM: Hits!

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: I’ll roll for the second attack as well. Which is a 25. The first one is Whisper and it does (counting). Oh, shit! I wanted to throw it at the tome. Does that change anything?

MATT: That would be a different roll. Then we’d have to roll again.

LIAM: Never mind. 19. Can I reroll the second attack? Nah! Forget it. (counting) 44 for the first attack.

MATT: Okay. 44 points of damage. Natural 18. He makes his concentration check.

LIAM: Okay, and the second attack is nine. And I will dump poison into it, which is stupid, but I’m going to do it anyway! He’s the only one here. He has to make a DC 15. Come on, big guy!

MATT: He’s immune to poison.

LIAM: After my two paladin attacks I’m going to–

MATT: Sorry, how many points?

LIAM: Nine. Then I’ll use my hasted action to disengage just in case he can curb stomp me and I want to fly to here and hover ten feet above that chunk of cake. Just remember I’m floating.

MATT: That ends your turn?

TRAVIS: He has cardiac arrest and dies.

MATT: He’s going to continue on.

MARISHA: Oh, that heart disease! It’s the number one killer!

MATT: Now we’re on the initiative count 20.

TRAVIS: Now we’re at 20.

MATT: Yes. The dead rise. Bits of scattered bone and corpses that litter the top of this tower, many of which have been thrust off in the explosion and charred and destroyed from the impact, others begin to clack together and rise.

SAM: Oh my God.

MARISHA: We’re not afraid of this!

MATT: Nine skeletons rise from the ground.

MARISHA: Nine?

MATT: Nine of them.

SAM: Nine times!

LAURA: Get your skeleton ass away from me!

SAM: That will do it.

LIAM: Can we hit the table like we’re tilting a pinball machine, and knock him off?

MATT: All righty, so those two take an attack against you, Vex. That is 18.

LAURA: To hit? Doesn’t hit me!

MATT: Now against Percival, it’s a natural 20. You take ten points of slashing damage, as the skeleton pulls this rusted scimitar to the side and rakes it across your chest. Then against Keyleth, a natural three is not going to hit. Against Pike, an 18 is not going to hit. Against you, Vax, that doesn’t hit. I think that’s it.

LAURA: Does your armor, Pike, do anything against people that are attacking you with melee?

MATT: They’d have to hit though.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: That is going to finish the lair action. Scanlan Two is up.

SAM: He’s going to, if there’s a path up–

MATT: He is currently clutching on the side of this. So he didn’t have to worry about watching the whip drop. It’s the rest of the tower.

SAM: Is he in a place where he can climb, or no?

MATT: Make a general athletics check for him.

SAM: Seven? Plus four. 11.

MATT: 11. Does he want to try and inspire himself? It’s an ability check.

SAM: Shit. I want to do so much other than try to hang onto the floor at this point. Shit. I guess he’ll inspire himself.

MATT: Okay. Roll a d12 and add to it.

SAM: Wait, roll and add two?

MATT: No, add the roll to it.

SAM: Oh, well that just makes it 14.

MATT: 14 is just enough. It’s not super hard to climb this, you get just to the edge there.

LAURA: You’re little and light.

SAM: Hi.

LAURA: Hey Scanlan Two.

SAM: Where is my friend, Scanlan One?

TALIESIN: That’s all the conversation we can have in one action. No time to respond to that.

SAM: Great. In that case–

MATT: And that’s all your movement for him.

SAM: Sure, great, yeah, of course it is. And his bonus action.

MATT: Did he use his bonus action?

SAM: Inspire.

MATT: Well it’s not inspiring. It’s giving yourself the use of an ability check.

SAM: You tell me, friend.

LAURA: My face is so red!

MARISHA: I’m sure I’m flushed.

TRAVIS: Pretty sure we’re playing this outdoors in Miami right now.

MATT: It does not cost you a bonus action. Your peerless skill does not.

SAM: But it does cost me an inspiration.

MATT: Correct, for Scanlan Two because he has his own pool.

SAM: Shit. There’s barely anything I can do.

LAURA: Scanlan, you can do so much!

SAM: Yeah, I can do so much. I don’t see anything that’s going on. I’m going to make an attack on the guy, because that’s all I know how to do. On the big man. The god. I’ll do– shit, I can’t do that. I’ll do a Lightning Bolt at level five.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA and MARISHA: He’s immune to lightning.

SAM: I don’t know that. Do I know that? Would I know that?

LAURA: You would know what Scanlan knows, and he did know that.

MATT: He was resistant to lightning damage last time.

SAM: So Scanlan Two would know this.

MATT: Technically.

SAM: Well in that case, I will do a Fireball.

MATT: Level five Fireball?

SAM: Yes, it’s using five charges from the Fireball. Oh! No, can’t do that. Doesn’t have the wand. Never mind! Then in that case, he’s going to do Bigby’s Hand!

MATT: Okay. Where does Bigby’s Hand appear?

SAM: Right under his chin, and it’s going to punch him.

LAURA: Your wand gives a plus one to spell attacks and shit.

SAM: Oh, he has a wand! Okay. 17 plus 11. 28.

MATT: 28 hits. Roll damage.

SAM: Bigby’s Hand. Shit. It’s 4d6?

MATT: 4d8, and you cast it at 5th-level?

SAM: Yeah. They’re all bad. 12 points.

MATT: No damage, actually. Bigby’s Hand slams towards him and impacts to no effect.

LAURA: Does it not count as magical? Or is he resistant to bludgeoning?

MATT: You get the sense that only a certain level of magic can break past his magical barrier.

SAM: Oh shit.

TRAVIS: I just swallowed my gum.

MATT: You watch as Bigby’s Hand slams into him to no effect and pulls back, and you’re like, “That’s not good.” Make an intelligence check.

SAM: One.

MATT: That sucks!

SAM: Oh no. Oh wow. Okay.

TRAVIS: We are getting an education here in the first round.

SAM: Okay, bonus action. Who am I near? Am I near Keyleth? Can I inspire Keyleth? Is she close enough to me?

MATT: You can do that.

SAM: I will inspire Keyleth. I will sing: (singing) 25,677 minutes. Ask Critical Role Stats if you don’t believe me. 25,677 minutes. That’s how long we’ve been playing. Playing this game.

TRAVIS: (singing) Talk about fucked!

MATT: All right, so take your d12 inspiration die. Is that the end of Scanlan Two’s turn?

SAM: Yes, it is.

MATT: All right, at the end of his turn, Vecna’s going to use his last two legendary actions.

TRAVIS: His last two?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: So he has five.

MATT: To cast another spell. As he sees Scanlan One go flying down off the edge and Scanlan Two climb up, he glances down and goes, “You clever little gnome.” He’s going to attempt to dispel.

SAM: I am going to reaction Counterspell at 8th-level.

MATT: At 8th-level?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll. Oh, at 8th-level, it means that it nullifies the spell. He was dispelling at 6th-level.

LAURA: Yay!

LIAM: Fuck you, Vecna!

SAM: Scanlan will say: Ooh! Look what you made me do. You made me screw up you. You made me screw up you and now you have to do brand new.

(laughter)

MATT: You watch the Undying King in his magnificent, horrible form lean forward, going, “What? Ugh.” Prepares for whatever he has coming up next.

SAM: I’m sure it’s going to be not good.

MATT: That’s the end of that. Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: Okay. Thank god. I think Grog is by Vex, yeah? I’m going to cast my 6th-level Bones of the Earth.

MATT: Where do you want to place it? How many does it create?

MARISHA: It creates six at 120 feet distance. Five feet wide, 30 feet high. So I’m going to see where Grog is–

MATT: Well, Grog is not on the field. You don’t see Grog anywhere.

MARISHA: Oh, shit! That’s right. Is this useless for me to do right now?

SAM: Yes!

TALIESIN: Yeah. We’re all ranged except for–

SAM: Get that fucking god.

MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to scratch that. I’m going to scrap that right now. I am going to do an

8th-level Sunburst right in his face. 12d6.

SAM: That’s a powerful spell.

TRAVIS: 12d6? Holy shit.

MATT: Okay. So constitution saving throw.

MARISHA: He’s probably got a stupid constitution.

MATT: Rolled a natural three.

SAM: He’ll use that legendary resist.

MATT: No. He’s going to take it.

LAURA: That’s five of them now?

MARISHA: No, he’s taking it.

MATT: He’s used two legendary resistances.

SAM: Two? I thought it was three? No?

MATT: No, he’s used two.

MARISHA: He takes 12d6 and he is blinded for a minute. But he’s got True Sight.

MATT: He’s immune to blind, unfortunately.

MARISHA: Well, he takes 12d6 radiant damage, which is cool. Come on, big money!

TALIESIN: Remember, you can reroll things, right?

SAM: Oh yeah, reroll those ones!

MARISHA: I am again. Okay, so that’s six, (counting). That was almost a six! My finger fucked it up. (counting), 45 points of radiant damage.

SAM: Ooh! He’s rolling.

MATT: He rolled a four.

SAM: (gasps) You’re back.

MATT: No. He’s going to burn his third legendary resistance to maintain. He tasted that sword. He does not want you on that field. You also notice as the detonation of radiant energy blasts his form, “Ugh!” he withdraws a bit and you can see the energy flicker and dropping from within his ribcage, you watch as a slightly burned, unmoving little girl begins to fall out of him.

MARISHA: I really hope I didn’t kill another kid.

LAURA: Hope you didn’t kill our sister.

TRAVIS: People never change, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Fuck you.

(laughter)

LIAM: She’s off the side, yeah?

MATT: She’s plummeting through this crack. Straight down.

TRAVIS: Hey man, at least you hit him.

MARISHA: Man, I was just starting to get over that first kid. Not that I would ever get over– I’m going to use my bonus action to cast a Healing Word at 2nd-level on myself. And then I’m going to take whatever breath I have left and say: Pike! Ouch, hurting. I’m hurting.

LAURA: We’re all hurting.

ASHLEY: I got you, boo.

SAM: How did she get hurt that bad? Oh, she took the full thing.

TALIESIN: She took 100 and– yeah.

MATT: So Keyleth, you’re going to stay where you are?

MARISHA: I’m going to move up a bit, near Trinket.

MATT: Around there?

MARISHA: Behind Trinket, I want to be close to Pike still.

MATT: Okay. So there you are. That ends your turn? All right. Percival, you’re up.

TALIESIN: All right. The first thing I’m going to do is deal with this skeleton that’s right in front of me because there’s– actually, yeah. First thing I’m going to do is deal with this skeleton in front of me and take a slash at him with my sword. So that’s– doesn’t matter, does it? 20 to hit?

MATT: 20 hits, yep.

TALIESIN: I’m going to do 1d8 plus I’m actually going to burn two points of lightning into this too from Cabal’s Ruin. So I’ll see what one of that does.

MATT: You’re on deck.

TALIESIN: That’s awful. Eight points of silvered piercing damage plus seven points of lightning damage.

MATT: Okay. As the skeleton lunges towards you, you put the barrel of the gun– Oh, this is the sword! I see. As you do, it cuts right through and bones go scattering off the side as it’s destroyed.

TALIESIN: 15 did it. That’s fine. Next shot, I’m taking the shot with the skeleton that’s next to Vex.

MATT: Okay. So you (sheathes sword, gunshot).

TALIESIN: Yep. And I killed a thing so I get a grit back. That’s 30 to hit?

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

TALIESIN: All right, I have to switch dice. That’s 1d10 plus 1d6 psychic. I’ll burn another one point of Cabal into that.

MATT: For the purposes of this, this is Velora, plummeting down.

TALIESIN: 14 points of damage plus five points of psychic and one point of lightning.

MATT: As it’s scraping at your betrothed, you fire the gun and watch as the skeleton skull blasts clean off the rest of the body. It scratches one more time before it clatters into a pile of lifeless bones.

TALIESIN: I get another grit back. And now, where are there other skeletons? Who’s getting it?

MATT: There’s three over there, one over there and three over there that are waiting.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take a whack at the one that’s right next to Keyleth.

SAM: Does he take only magical damage?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: He takes damage from magical weapons.

LAURA: So your weapon is magical, isn’t it?

TALIESIN: Yeah but I’m not going to do– technically is my weapon magical?

MATT: Animus is.

TALIESIN: Okay. So Animus will do.

LAURA: So you can do damage against him.

TALIESIN: Yeah, but right now I’m better at clearing than anything. I’m not going to be the one who does damage to him.

LAURA: I feel like if you can break his concentration.

TALIESIN: Yeah, let’s have a little fun. For my third shot, I’m going to turn on him. First, I’m going to cast Hex.

MATT: Okay. As a bonus action. Hexed.

TALIESIN: He is necro, disadvantage on intelligence because fuck that guy and I’m going to hit him with Animus. I’m going to drop a point of grit for advantage.

TRAVIS: Just chilling. I’m having trouble staying awake.

TALIESIN: Damn it. Well, that will do. 31 to hit?

MATT: That hits.

TALIESIN: And I’m throwing all of Cabal into it. So that’s 1d10, sorry. I’m trying to do this. 1d10.

MATT: Count the lightning damage separately.

TALIESIN: Yes, I know. So that’s not bad. 15 points of damage plus six points of psychic damage. And let’s drop six points of lightning damage into it. Three, four, five, six. That’s not bad. 21 points of lightning damage.

MATT: All right. That’s 31 total for that. He’s going to make a concentration check. Natural 18. He’s fine.

TALIESIN: Actually, there was one more! I’m so sorry! I forgot to do the necrotic damage on top of that. So with necrotic damage, that’s another six points of necrotic damage.

MATT: You notice both the blasts of lightning and the dark necrotic energy seem to be partially wounding but not on the level you’d expect.

TALIESIN: Okay. Still what I expected. I’m going to burn an action surge.

LAURA: Yeah, hit again.

TALIESIN: I’m not going to hit him again because I got no more– if everything goes well I can do 24 points of damage to him.

LAURA: But that might make him break his concentration.

SAM: It’s now or never.

MARISHA: We’ve got to get Grog back. Grog has a trammel.

TALIESIN: I’m going to use sharpshooter. Fuck it, let’s see if that does anything. I’m going to add sharpshooter. I’m going to burn my last grit for advantage.

LAURA: You got this, Percy.

TALIESIN: Let’s see if that hits. This is probably not going to hit, is it? That’s a six. That’s okay. Yeah, probably didn’t hit. Yeah, this is really shitty.

MARISHA: How can you tell?

TALIESIN: I can tell. 17 to hit?

MATT: Nope. Just passes through one of the open spaces in the ribs.

TALIESIN: So I’ve got two more shots. I’m taking another shot with no advantage.

MATT: Sharpshooter?

TALIESIN: Yeah. 19 to hit?

MATT: 19. This one actually hits the armor and reflects off.

TALIESIN: Last shot.

LAURA: You’ve got this. You got this!

TALIESIN: That’s better. 24 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

MARISHA: Just on the cusp.

TALIESIN: Just on the cusp. So that’s my 1d10 plus my 1d6 plus my other 1d6. Is that right? Yeah. That’s 15, 22 points of damage plus five points of psychic damage and two points of necrotic damage.

SAM: How do you want to do this?

(laughter)

MATT: That is a 22. So this final shot hits him and he barely feels an impact and grins down a you as a baneful gaze curling across the floor. He’s now aware of your presence.

LAURA: Did he take a concentration?

MATT: He did. He succeeded.

TALIESIN: I’m going to break line of sight behind that wall. Just head up there a little bit. About

there. Yeah. Actually, still against the wall though.

MATT: Okay. So that moves you up to there. That’s your turn? End of Percival’s turn, Scanlan. As you are now off the edge, you can see the edge of the tower vanishing away from you, the cyclone whirling above. Part of it catches you on the way out as you hit the edge of the cyclone that’s circulating it. Go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw at disadvantage because you’re falling.

SAM: 19.

MATT: 19. Okay. So you take half damage.

SAM: Damage?

TRAVIS: Cyclone.

MATT: Would’ve been 16 points of piercing damage from the shrapnel being spun around it, you instead take eight.

TRAVIS: Eight.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: Sorry.

LAURA: (laughs) You’re just repeating everything Matt says.

(laughter)

SAM: I don’t know. I have no good options. Nothing. Of course I can save myself, but I’m trying to do more than just save myself.

TRAVIS: So noble.

MARISHA: You have to save yourself so you can help us!

LIAM: Save yourself now so you can do something in 15 seconds.

LAURA: Or turn into something that attacks?

SAM: (sighs) I’m going to. (fanfare) I’m going to inspire myself.

MATT: As you’re falling.

SAM: Yes. I’ll start singing to myself. This is a stupid idea. I’ll inspire myself, I’ll sing: (singing) I give inspiration, it’s just what I do. Every time they try to knock me down I just get bold. I give inspiration, every time I do. Every time I open up my mouth it comes out gold.

MATT: For what check are you doing that for?

SAM: Oh no. I’m just giving myself inspiration in general. You can’t do that?! Oh fuck. Well in that case, forget it. I don’t do that at all.

MATT: Yeah. One creature other than yourself. And you have the ability peerless skill which means when you’re making an ability check you can add bardic inspiration to it.

SAM: Do I see anyone? Or can I inspire anyone from my distance?

MATT: No.

SAM: Well then, forget it, I don’t do that. Shit balls.

MATT: So in this alternate reality you’re singing under your breath, trying to build your resolve as you– You’re up next, Pike, by the way. Be ready.

SAM: I can’t do shit! I will Dimension Door to his chest.

TALIESIN: What?!

TRAVIS: Oh god, it’s on. Here we go.

MATT: With that, there’s a burst of purplish arcane energy as your eyes are trained on the massive god-like form of Vecna and there in the vacuous space where Velora once was encased, you see a familiar gnome’s form appear in that pocket. So you are currently– we’ll put you there, say you’re in the space.

SAM: Not inside the chest, I would be hanging on the outside.

MATT: Okay. So you’re on the edge of the rib cage.

SAM: Yeah. Bonus action. Am I within range of any of my friends to inspire them?

MATT: 60 feet from there? I would say maybe, maybe Vex.

SAM: Vex. How you looking? You looking rough?

LAURA: I’m looking rough.

SAM: Okay. Then I will sing that same song but as a Healing Word instead.

MATT: There you go, not wasted. Never a song wasted.

SAM: 2nd-level. Okay. And what is it? 2d4 plus six. 11 points.

LAURA: Oh, tight. Thank you.

SAM: Oh! Okay. So I’ve just landed on his chest. I look in there and there’s no girl in there anymore. Shit. Do I see Bigby’s Hand?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Do I have enough movement to get to it?

MATT: You could try. Bigby’s Hand is pulled back currently, being controlled by the other Scanlan. You could try and leap into it.

SAM: Would I go out of melee range of this guy? Would he get an attack of opportunity?

MATT: No. Because both you and Bigby’s Hand are technically right up against him.

SAM: Okay. I’ll grab that thumb instead.

(laughter)

MATT: So you’re still holding on to him or–

SAM; I’m going to see if I can hold onto both.

MATT: You reach out and you grab onto the edge of the other Bigby’s Hand.

SAM: Yeah, I’m good.

MATT: Okay. That’s your turn. Pike.

ASHLEY: Okay. Is everybody 30 feet of me? Because I can’t really see the–

MATT: No. Let’s see. It looks like Scanlan Two, Vax, Keyleth, and Trinket are within 30 feet of you.

LAURA: Who, by the way, we didn’t do meteor damage for.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a saving throw.

SAM: Oh no. This might be the happiest day of my life.

LAURA: You’re a dick. Trinket rolls– what is it, a dex save?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: Trinket is in your necklace.

SAM: But still alive.

LAURA: He only got 70 points of health.

MATT: Yeah, he just took about 130 points of damage.

LAURA: He couldn’t do anything! Dang it. He really wanted to help out.

LIAM: See you, Trink.

TRAVIS: Take a seat, big guy.

LAURA: He even rolled pretty good.

ASHLEY: So can I fly where I’m in the middle of Scanlan, Percy, Vex, and Keyleth somehow? Within 30 feet of everybody.

MATT: Can do that. So you fly up.

LAURA: Maybe not quite that high.

MATT: Yeah, I’ll take this down a little bit there.

ASHLEY: Maybe not over the little crescent. Crevice is what I mean.

MATT: There we go. That’ll put you there.

ASHLEY: Okay. And I’m going to cast Mass Cure Wounds.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Who can she affect?

MATT: The range on that is?

ASHLEY: 30 feet.

MATT: That’ll be Vex, Pike, and Keyleth.

TALIESIN: And me?

MATT: Sorry.

LAURA: And Scanlan Two.

MATT: Scanlan Two can’t heal. So what did you roll?

ASHLEY: Rolling now. Sorry, guys, sorry. Wait, what’s my spellcasting ability modifier? Why am I blanking?

LAURA: Is yours wisdom?

ASHLEY: Yes.

SAM: We’re all going to die. Wait. Have you gone yet? Liam, have you gone yet? Did you do anything?

LIAM: Prepped for the future and forgot to do what I wanted to do.

MATT: So Pike, what was the end total?

ASHLEY: I think it’s 29.

MATT: Did you add the ten for your blessing?

ASHLEY: Oh, no, I didn’t.

MATT: So 39 points healed to Vex, Percy, and Keyleth.

ASHLEY: Wow, I didn’t know that was a thing too.

LAURA: And yourself, Pike.

ASHLEY: Oh, yes. Okay.

MATT: Yeah. Don’t forget, the blessing you have means whenever you heal anybody, they heal an additional ten points.

TRAVIS: What about if you’re in a strange tunnel? And you can’t see anybody. Do you heal?

LIAM: You’ve got it made. You’re safe.

TRAVIS: I mean, I hate to win a game all by myself but I don’t see a problem.

MATT: (laughs) Does that end your turn, Pike? You have your bonus action, still.

ASHLEY: I’d like to move again.

MATT: Okay. You’ve moved about 40 feet so what’s your flying speed?

LIAM: It’s 40, isn’t it?

ASHLEY: Probably. Know what? I’m going to stay because I don’t know what my fucking speed is because I’m panicking now.

MATT: That’s okay. I’m pretty sure–

ASHLEY: I actually don’t think I have that sheet.

MATT: That’s okay, I have it right here. Blessing of the Everlight. Yep. Flying speed of 40 feet. So you’ve moved your maximum speed while flying and you’ve used your action to cast. You can’t move any further.

LAURA: Do you have a bonus action you want to do?

ASHLEY: Let’s see here. Yeah, okay. So I am going to cast Shield of Faith onto Vex, which gives a plus two bonus to AC.

LAURA: Oh, great. Thanks, Pike.

ASHLEY: You’re welcome! Yeah, I forgot to get that sheet when I was home, of the Blessing of the– wings. Wonderful wings.

MATT: There you go. All right. That ends your turn, Pike. Up to the top of the round, it is now Vecna’s turn.

LIAM: Hold onto your butts.

MATT: Gets his legendary actions back.

LAURA: Ashley, I think it might be in our text chain between you and me.

ASHLEY: Okay. Let me find it.

MATT: Vecna, looking at the field around. You can hear now, the distant blasts and impacts of the battle below in Vasselheim. You see this giant looming shadow as one of the large mountain-sized arms of the titan swings in the air and causes this brief eclipse over and then slams down into the center of the city. You see dust, rock, and probably a dozen bodies flung in the air from the impact as they drift out of sight below.

SAM: They’re okay. They’re okay.

TRAVIS: Yeah, they got bounce houses. It’s just out. There was a festival going on.

SAM: It was the yearly bounce house festival.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: It’s all good.

MARISHA: That’s so horrible.

MATT: Glancing at this, he starts chuckling to himself as the small gnome is crawling across the body and reaching out to the hand. “I do wish most of these creatures would find their way straight to me. It’s so much easier.”

SAM: That’s not good.

MATT: However, he looks off past you. “But you’ve always been an issue. You’re how you all escaped from my clutches last time. Well, how’s this for a bit of irony, my dear?”

MARISHA: That’s not good.

LAURA: Who’s he talking to? You?

MARISHA: I’m under 100 hit points.

LAURA: No. Can you resist it?

MARISHA: I can try and save it in time.

MATT: Yeah. 120 feet, you’re in range. I need you to go ahead and make an intelligence saving throw, Keyleth.

LIAM: 1d4 from Bless.

SAM: Is this a spell?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Do it. This could be–

MARISHA: Can I add my inspiration to that?

MATT: You can.

MARISHA: Saving throw, right?

MATT: Yes, an intelligence saving throw.

MARISHA: I have advantage because it’s a spell, right? I have advantage against spell saves?

MATT: This is true. He has to choose to Counter–

SAM: Scanlan One is going to Counterspell this. I don’t recognize this spell?

MATT: Make an arcana check. Because you are Ioun–

TRAVIS: What’s his physicality doing? Vecna–

MATT: His restored hand is reaching out towards her as he glances down with a grin.

SAM: 20.

MATT: You’ve seen it used before against a green dragon you once fought.

LAURA: (gasp) Oh, Feeblemind.

SAM: Would I know what level to spell–

MATT: You have not cast this spell. You do not know.

SAM: Seven.

MATT: Okay. It’s an 8th-level spell so you still have to roll. So I need you to go ahead and roll–

MARISHA: Intelligence save. If he fails the–

MATT: I need you to roll your spellcasting ability. So roll and add your charisma bonus.

SAM: 22.

MATT: 22. That’ll be enough.

(exclamations of relief)

TRAVIS: Oh my god!

MARISHA: I am not a vegetable.

TALIESIN: No. You aren’t.

TRAVIS: Matt, let’s just call a truce.

MATT: No.

TRAVIS: I think we’ve learned our lesson, okay?

MARISHA: You sweet, sweet man.

TRAVIS: We’ll give you Antarctica, okay? It’s really cold there.

MATT: As you finish the incantation, the spell fizzles, his hand out, “Really?”

MARISHA: Goddamn it. He’s probably looking at you, Scanlan. You have the book! We can’t lose you! For real!

SAM: Gulp.

MATT: He’s glaring at you. And with that, “Come for a ride with me,” (whooshing) and begins to rise up even higher into the air.

SAM: Can I hold onto Bigby? I wish to let him leave while I hold onto Bigby.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And get my attack of opportunity.

(laughter)

MARISHA: War Caster. Come on.

MATT: Go for it.

ASHLEY: Come on.

LIAM: Bigby, make a sleight of hand check.

MARISHA: Don’t fall to oblivion, please?

TALIESIN: That would be bad.

MATT: It’s okay. Lost the Hex. There we go.

LAURA: Hex is back, don’t worry guys. I’m freaking out. Oh god, he’s so high.

TRAVIS: We need a weight for this.

MATT: It’ll be fine. And you.

TRAVIS: Should we take a picture in case it falls?

TALIESIN: No, it should be good.

LAURA: Unless everything falls. I’m going to take a picture just because.

MARISHA: Jenga.

TALIESIN: Now, really?

LIAM: Permanent Jenga. MATT: Putting you right around here as he adjusts upward and you’re clutching onto Bigby’s Hand. What are you doing as your attack of opportunity?

SAM: Am I within melee range to make a Mythcarver attack?

MATT: Sure. Go for it.

SAM: I would like to let the spirit of the sword overtake me.

MATT: It’s an action to do it.

SAM: This is only a reaction?

MATT: Correct.

SAM: So a single attack. Then I will use my War Caster ability to cast Bigby’s Hand at level six and I will say, you leave when Burt Reynolds says you can motherfucking leave.

(cheering)

MATT: Since I don’t have a second Bigby’s Hand, I’ll go ahead and put this as Scanlan Two’s Bigby Hand with you and where do you want to place this one?

SAM: Right on his fucking head.

MATT: There you go. There is the Bigby’s Hand.

SAM: If he’s flying up, I want him to go boop!

MATT: Three Stooges bops him on the head? Go for it.

SAM: All right. So this is 6th-level. 4d8 becomes 6d8, right?

MATT: Correct. Go ahead and roll to hit.

SAM: Oh, roll to hit. Shit. Ooh, no!

LAURA: Oh no! Scanlan! Is it a one?

SAM: It’s a two. Plus 11 is not going to hit.

MATT: Nope. So Bigby’s Hand goes to bop and as it impacts–

LAURA: Can you inspire yourself?

SAM: No, no. I’ve done so much this turn.

MATT: Ability checks. It seems to hit but it gets carried up with Vecna’s form and it stands there in front of him. The fingers crack themselves and get ready for the next round.

SAM: 6th-level gone, 7th-level gone. Ready.

MATT: That’s going to end Vecna’s turn. Grog, you’re up. You’re trying to make your way through this maze. I need you to make an intelligence check.

MARISHA: Come on, Grog!

TRAVIS: Not a problem, you guys. Sit back.

MATT: Let me see if it’s intelligence check or intelligence save. It’s an intelligence check. So go ahead and roll a d20, add your intelligence modifier.

TRAVIS: My intelligence modifier?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Two.

MATT: You rolled a two?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I rolled a four.

MATT: Okay. You spend the round rushing down– you see the left! You turn left and run ten feet and it looks like the same hallway you were just in. So you rush forward and turn right. And you end up and it looks like it’s in the same hallway you were in. It seems to be this perpetual maze that you can’t seem to escape from.

TRAVIS: Okay. Pike! Scanlan! (whimpering) Okay, okay, okay. This happened before, right? I should be smart. I’m going to take out the cask of ale and pour a little ale into a tankard and I’m going to use the Amulet of the Drunkard to heal 2d4 plus two.

SAM: That’s smart.

TRAVIS: I have two actions.

SAM: And then spend the rest of my turn eating mayonnaise.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Three. Seven so I heal nine points. And then with my second action, my second hasted action, I’m going to use my second wind to heal 1d10 plus my fighter level. Ten! Plus three is 13. So I heal 13 more points.

MATT: There you go.

TRAVIS: And that will end. And I will sit (sipping) the rest of the ale and wait for something. Keeping my mind on a small leather pouch in my bag.

MARISHA: Oh no.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: Oh boy.

TRAVIS: (laughter) What the fuck happened?

TALIESIN: That was a rough six seconds.

SAM: Guys, of all of us, I’m the one who’s flying right now. Should not be this way.

MATT: Grog, that ends your turn. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Oh, okay. I’m going to kick off on my broom and I’m going to fly down to Velora–

LIAM: I move faster.

LAURA: Yeah, but. Brother–

LIAM: I’m right after you.

LAURA: Yeah, but I’m before you and I saw her fall.

LIAM: Your call.

MATT: So you dart down–

LAURA: It’s not like I want to do it.

MATT: –with the broom. You can get to her, but it’ll take your movement and your action.

LAURA: Yeah, I’ll get her.

MATT: Okay. You swoop down, manage to grab her body and you have her now in your arms.

LAURA: Is she awake?

MATT: No.

LAURA: Fuck. Do I see any kind of landing around me, anywhere where she can set down safely?

MATT: There is part of the tower, where it impacted, there’s still the stairway. It’s just cusping up in the bottom of one of these pieces so there’s a little bit there.

LAURA: All right. But I used all my movement. I can’t get to it and get her there.

MATT: If you want to try and toss her?

LAURA: I’m not going to toss her. No, she’s unconscious.

MATT: Then wait until next turn.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: All right. That ends your turn.

SAM: Wait, what did you do?

LAURA: I had to go get Velora. She fucking fell.

SAM: Do we have to?

LAURA: I’m not going to let my sister fall.

SAM: It’s an illusion, just let her go.

LIAM: Can I get within– yeah, I definitely can. I’m going to fly up and get within 50 feet of this dick.

MATT: Okay. You can do that pretty easily. You’re pretty much on the same level as Scanlan and Bigby.

TALIESIN: He’s engaged, by the way, with Bigby’s Hand.

LIAM: That’s fine, but I have Vow of Enmity so I have permanent advantage at the moment.

MATT: You’re able to get there.

LIAM: Yeah, okay. So I’m going to–

SAM: We’re literally playing three dimensional chess, right?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: I’m within 60 feet. I’m going to try to throw at the tome in his hand and I’m going to dagger, dagger, dagger, dagger.

SAM: Oh! Four daggers.

LIAM: So first one.

ASHLEY: Get that bitch.

LIAM: First one is a 32. No it’s not, it’s a 33.

MATT: The first attack was with disadvantage because you’re aiming for something specifically.

LIAM: Oh, okay.

LAURA: So that would have been a 13 was the lower number.

LIAM: Oh, okay. 28.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: So this is sneak attack damage on the book. Okay. So that’s two plus eight is ten.

SAM: The book. What if it’s just Lady Chatterley’s Lover or something?

TRAVIS: Interdimensional chess with the Steve Jobs of D&D.

LIAM: That is 36 for the first attack on the book.

MATT: You watch as the tome that he’s holding spatters into pages and he’s like, “Huh.”

SAM: Aw shit.

MATT: You destroyed the tome.

LAURA: Maybe he’s just pretending like he’s not upset about it.

LIAM: I will now start unloading into his body.

LAURA: It was his journal.

MARISHA: It’s okay. Now Becky won’t know I was talking shit about her.

LIAM: That’s a 17 which doesn’t hit.

MATT: Right.

LIAM: Does not hit. Third attack is 20– oh wait, what did I say last? 17, 18?

MATT: 17.

LIAM: 19. Doesn’t hit. Next one is 29.

MATT: 29 hits.

LIAM: Okay. And this is just him.

LAURA: Was that a dog?

MARISHA: I think it was the weird echo-y sound of Ashley’s pages turning.

LIAM: 17 for that. And the last dagger does 25.

MATT: 25 to hit?

LIAM: Yep.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: And that is a measly little four. So that was action, action, action, four. And that’s it.

SAM: So what was your total damage?

LIAM: I don’t know what the total was.

MATT: Succeeds on a save.

LIAM: I was after the book.

MATT: He hit him twice.

LIAM: And I use my full movement to get where I am right now?

MATT: To get where you are right here is for– because you’re hasted so–

LIAM: 120 feet.

MATT: Yeah, so no. It took you about 60 feet to get there. You’re right here currently.

LIAM: So then I will go to the piece of cake that Percy’s on in the dark portion, but again ten feet flying above.

MATT: Right about there, we’ll say. So tome’s destroyed. The daggers seem to slide into him. He maintains concentration.

TALIESIN: Got to drop concentration. Someone’s got to hit him really hard.

MATT: That ends your turn?

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Okay. Let’s see here.

MARISHA, LAURA, and TALIESIN: Wait.

LIAM: Waiting to dive after Velora. Didn’t have anything ready.

MATT: Okay. End of your turn–

MARISHA: What do you have? What did you forget?

SAM: No, no. I just didn’t hit him. It’s okay.

MATT: End of your turn, he’s going to go ahead and use two of his legendary actions. “All right. Seems the battlefield has been expended.” As he glares down at the gnome and the other gnome. “Let’s try this again.” Make an intelligence saving throw with advantage.

SAM: I have no more reactions, right? We’re still in the same round.

TRAVIS: No, this is a new round.

MATT: But it hasn’t come back to his turn.

MARISHA: Druid die and don’t fuck me, Gil. Don’t fuck me, Gil.

SAM: That’s cocked.

TRAVIS: No, it’s on a page and a marker.

MARISHA: Well this one fell off.

SAM: What’s that?

LAURA: Oh, well that. That doesn’t.

SAM: What was it?

MARISHA: I mean, it was a floating three.

LIAM: It was cocked.

SAM: That was pretty cocked.

TRAVIS: It was on a page and a marker.

TALIESIN: I would be happy to let you take that. I mean, personally I normally would, yeah.

TRAVIS: Just let it land flat. It’s big.

MARISHA: Oh, no. It’s a 13.

LIAM: With the d4?

MARISHA: No.

LAURA: Oh, it’s a 13.

MARISHA: This isn’t good. 15 plus my intelligence. Oh, wait my intelligence. Oh, and I’m trained in– Okay, wait. What did I just say? 17 plus eight. 25.

MATT: Nope.

LAURA: 25 isn’t high enough? Oh, his thing is 26.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s 26.

MARISHA: Hang on.

MATT: So as the spell energy whips out from his hand and entwines–

TALIESIN and SAM: Oh, you’re inspired!

LAURA: That’s right, you’re inspired!

MARISHA: Can I use my inspiration too?

MATT: That’s what it’s there for.

LIAM: All you need is one.

MARISHA: Yeah, okay, I’m good! Plus a six. 31.

TRAVIS: Oh my god. I’m going to pull my face off.

SAM: Matt does not like that.

MATT: The cocked die argument was not resolved. You guys just rolled. We’ll move forward with it, but cutthroat from here on out.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MARISHA: I can take it.

LIAM: Can I sacrifice one of my lucks as tribute?

MATT: Sacrifice all your lucks, if you want to.

MARISHA: I asked you tell me what to do. If it was cocked or not, you just stared and went like this.

MATT: I was thinking. It’s fine. You resist the spell. No effect, no impact.

MARISHA: You were thinking? What would you have claimed?

LIAM and TALIESIN: Moving on.

MATT: We’re moving on, it’s all good.

MARISHA: I don’t want to get targeted later, Matt! I want you to treat me fairly, okay?

TRAVIS: I’m pretty sure he’s missed you twice. You’re going to get targeted. He made me vanish in one turn.

MARISHA: I mean on the internet! I mean from people being pissed at me. On the internet.

MATT: You’re fine. That then brings us to the initiative count 20. First off, the currently existing skeletons all swarm in on Keyleth as the only one standing. That’s three attacks on you. That is 12.

MARISHA: Miss.

MATT: 18?

MARISHA: Hits.

MATT: And no. So you get one hit. That’s seven points of slashing damage to you. Also, you feel this pulse wave of dark energy swell out from outside of Vecna in the vicinity. It cascades out, encompassing the entirety of the area and then fades and all of you feel a little colder on the inside. For the next round, anybody with resistance to necrotic damage, it’s negated.

LAURA: Am I within that area? If I went down to save Velora?

TRAVIS: (laughter) Hey! Oh god.

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: I am sweating all over.

MATT: At this point in time, you hear this roar as the clouds suddenly explode and part from the nearby cyclone and you watch as two gloomstalkers come swarming outward, wounded. One of them slaps into the side of one of the islands and collapses. A second one suddenly gets snatched in the jaws of what, now, you see a sparkling brass dragon emerge from the side.

LIAM: Prayers are answered.

MATT: As J'mon Sa Ord flies in, glances right up, in the form of Devo'ssa, towards Vecna, and shouts out in a deep, bellowing, dragon voice, “Your time is done, old one. Fall before us all.” (snarls, roars) And unleashes a torrent of flame upward in the direction of both Vecna and Bigby’s Hand.

LAURA: Thank god you’re not there!

SAM: Sure.

MATT: So let’s see. That is going to be DC 21. Does not make the save. So that’s 56 points of fire damage.

SAM: Oh, shnikes.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit. And he’s got to roll for his concentration.

MATT: Yep. Which he does not make.

TALIESIN: Oh, thank god!

TRAVIS: He doesn’t make it?!

MARISHA: Are you coming back? Come back, come back!

MATT: He’s going to use his fourth legendary resistance to maintain it.

SAM: Four?!

ASHLEY: Come on!

MATT: He does not want you on that field, Grog.

LAURA: With the Legendary Resistances. Do you get legendary resistance every round?

MATT: No, he has a total of legendary resistances he can use per day. Legendary actions he gets every single round.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: But he has 17.

LAURA: Probably.

SAM: Is that 56 points of damage, that’s with no save?

MATT: Correct. Well a dexterity saving throw, if he gets one.

SAM: I don’t know what my dex is. I’m looking. AC, dexterity of ten, so he rolled a 15. Did not.

MATT: Nope. Nope, 56 points of damage.

SAM: So he lost some points. But he has my hit points? What does he have? I’m looking, I’m looking. Sorry. I got it, you go on with your thing.

MATT: It’s okay. Bigby’s Hand has hit points equal to your hit point maximum, so yeah.

SAM: Okay. So he’s still alive.

MATT: Yeah. Okay. As soon as J'mon roars and shows up, Vecna turns around. “Oh, no, we cannot have this.” At the end of J'mon’s turn–

MARISHA: Don’t kill J'mon.

TALIESIN: They’re such a nice miniature.

MATT: He’s going to look about the field and consider what the current importance is, and instead, glance downward and use two more legendary actions to cast Dispel on your Simulacrum. Understanding that you do not have any reactions to counter.

MARISHA: You’re going to use two to try and do it?

MATT: It’s two to cast a spell. And with Dispel Magic, is going to go ahead and cast it at 5th-level.

SAM: I have no reaction, right? It hasn’t come back to me?

MATT: Nope. So at 6th-level, it’s an 8th-level spell, correct? Simulacrum?

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: No, it’s a 7th-level spell.

MATT: Oh, but you cast it as an–

SAM: As Wish.

MATT: Right, but it just creates the spell, so it’d be 9th. So with his 5th-level, he’d still have to make an ability check.

TRAVIS: He has to roll.

MATT: Using the spellcasting ability, which is–

TALIESIN: Which is what?

LIAM: Intelligence and he’s hexed?

TALIESIN: He has disadvantage on it. Intelligence checks.

MATT: It’s ability modifier, yeah, so he has disadvantage.

MARISHA: Percy in the house.

MATT: That’s a natural 20, but with disadvantage, second one was a 13 plus ten, that’s a 23, that’s enough. So with that, second Scanlan is dispelled. Off the field.

LAURA: Do all of the things that we gave him fall down to the ground?

SAM: Including me.

MATT: Well no, this Bigby’s Hand. Yes, actually.

TALIESIN: Does that Bigby’s Hand vanish with the caster?

MATT: Yes, it’s a concentration spell.

TALIESIN: Well you got a little bit of a fall.

MATT: So you start falling once more as Bigby’s Hand vanishes. You watch as Scanlan Two melts into snow and water onto the ground, dripping off, the clothing and items that he had clattering and rolling off into oblivion. And you begin plummeting.

SAM: He died as he lived: making the world a little bit wetter.

TALIESIN: It’s about 30 feet from where you are right now.

LIAM: And it looks like he’s above stone?

MATT: So you would fall to about there. You’d fall prone. One thing, I’ll put you there, laying you prone, because otherwise you’ll slide. And you suffer–

SAM: Can the audience even see me right now?

MATT: You take 14 points of bludgeoning damage and are knocked prone.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: That’s not bad. That’s doable.

SAM: 14 points of damage does not make me lose concentration, right?

MATT: Nope.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: All right. Scanlan Two is gone. Keyleth, it’s your turn.

MARISHA: Oh, my god. Already. Oh, my god. You’re still fucking gone.

LAURA: You should do it, but you should do it when he comes back. That’s the thing.

TRAVIS: He’s so high up, it doesn’t matter right now.

TALIESIN: Yeah, right now, it doesn’t matter at all.

LAURA: How high do they go?

MARISHA: 40 feet.

LAURA: Psh.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: Then I am going to burn my 9th-level Shapechange.

MATT: Okay. What are you changing into?

MARISHA: I’m going to turn into a planetar.

LAURA: Yes!

MARISHA: Pulling this ripcord.

MATT: He’s going to use his– Well no, what’s the range on Counterspell?

TRAVIS: He has one more legendary action. One more legendary resistance.

SAM: What was the first hit that we took?

TRAVIS: The fireball. The meteor.

SAM: How many points?

TRAVIS: 66 if you saved.

MATT: You’re too far for him to Counterspell. So you transform without an issue.

LAURA: Yes!

MARISHA: And that’s my action, right?

MATT: That is your action, yes.

MARISHA: I can move as the planetar?

MATT: Yep. What do you do? Where are you going, Keyleth?

MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to fly my 120 feet move speed and come behind over here-ish, but in the air.

MATT: In the air?

LAURA: Really using all those platforms of yours, Matt.

MATT: I know.

MARISHA: All right, a little bit over, that’s workable.

TALIESIN: This is amazing.

MATT: There you go. Okay. Is that your turn, Keyleth?

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Do you have a bonus?

MARISHA: I mean, I don’t think I can do a bonus as a planetar, right?

MATT: I mean, I don’t think he has anything to do as a bonus.

MARISHA: No.

MATT: All right, that ends your turn. Percy, you’re up.

TALIESIN: There’s very little of value that I can do right now. So I’m going to– hmm?

TRAVIS: Speak for yourself.

LAURA: Fucking shoot him.

TALIESIN: Not with my–

LIAM: Go fishing for Grog.

TALIESIN: Fuck.

MARISHA: We’ve got to get Grog back.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I guess he’s within range, so I’m going to burn my bonus. I’m going to use my bonus to reload. I’m going to take my first three shots and I’m going to take out those three skeletons across the way.

LAURA: But there’s not even anybody over there.

TALIESIN: I know, but it’s going to refill my grit so that I have a better chance of hitting him.

TRAVIS: Grit farm. Do it.

TALIESIN: So first shot. Actually, here, I’ll take all three. Actually, no, just in case something terrible happens.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: That’s 20 to hit?

MATT: That hits.

TALIESIN: Second one is 25 to hit.

MATT: Hits.

TALIESIN: And the third one is a crit. So I get one back already.

MARISHA: Crit on a 19.

MATT: You’re up after this, Scanlan.

TALIESIN: And then, let’s do 1d10 plus 1d6. First one takes 17 points of damage plus four psychic.

MATT: 17 points of damage plus four psychic? Scattered and destroyed.

TALIESIN: Second one takes 12 points of damage plus two psychic.

MATT: Okay. He also is destroyed.

TALIESIN: And the other one takes eight– The other one is fucking toast. I’m getting into twenties here. Not worth it. So that’s one grit, two grit, three grit, so I have four grit back. I’m burning my very last action surge now that I have some bloody grit. I’m trying to remember, can I pull Sharpshooter with a grit point, or can I not take Sharpshooter with–

MATT: You can. You can’t combine different abilities that spend grit points, but you can combine Sharpshooter, which is a feat, with any attacks you make.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take a Sharpshooter plus violent because what else are we going to do? So sharpshooter plus violent shot–

MATT: So you’re just using one point for violent?

TALIESIN: One point for violent because it makes it a gamble. I don’t have advantage, I don’t know why I’m rolling like I do. Here we go. So with Sharpshooter. Yes! It’s a crit!

MARISHA: Oh my god, you and the 19s!

TALIESIN: I rolled a 19.

MARISHA: Crit on a 19!

TALIESIN: So crit on a 19!

MATT: Which, violent shot, which is double dice from your weapon.

TALIESIN: Which is double dice. Not double psychic, just double damage, right? Yeah.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: It’s just double.

SAM: The golden snitch.

TALIESIN: So that is that. Oh, man, this is great. So there’s that, and then I have the psychic. That’s right here, so damage is– oh, my god– 11 and then I double that.

MATT: Correct. You double. So it’s 11, that’s 22.

TALIESIN: No, I rolled them twice, so 11, (counting) 48.

MATT: Okay, so how much dice does it do per shot? It’s a d10, right?

TALIESIN: 1d10, so with violent shot–

MATT: It’s 2d10.

TALIESIN: It’s 2d10, and then I double the d10, plus 18.

MATT: Right, yeah. Great. So what’s the total?

TALIESIN: Now I’m adding the psychic damage.

MATT: Right, and how much damage is that total?

TALIESIN: 48 plus nine points of psychic damage.

MATT: Okay. 57 points, all righty.

MARISHA: Come on. Bring him back.

MATT: No, that’s a failure on his concentration. He’s not going to use his legendary resistance. He feels pretty comfortable high up. So with that, Grog’s giant form reappears right where he left, right there. The maze disappears around you and you land back on the space. Looking around, your friends are in different places, there’s a giant brass dragon above you. You see an angel flying above, and you can see on the ground, hurting– Scanlan.

TRAVIS: Ale solves everything.

SAM: You just took a drink and you’re back.

MATT: Anywhere you want to move, anything else you want to do?

TALIESIN: I’ve got two more shots. And remember that you take half that damage at the end of your next turn.

MATT: Correct, so that’ll be 23 points next turn. Got it.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. So for my next shot, I’m going to burn a point. I wonder if a leg-wing shot would do anything here. All right, I’m going to burn a grit, and I’m not going to do Sharpshooter. I’m just going to take a shot. And that’s 24 to hit?

MATT: 24 hits.

TALIESIN: And that’s 13 points of damage plus four points of psychic. And strength save versus 20?

MATT: That is a 17, so–

TALIESIN: He drops a little bit of–

MATT: How much does he drop? Does it say?

TALIESIN: Well I don’t remember. We used to say prone? So I don’t know what you would call that.

MATT: Oh, does it say prone?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: He’s immune to prone.

TALIESIN: Oh, no, but I thought it was like prone if you’re standing but 15 feet if you’re in the air?

MATT: No, as it says, on a hit, the target takes normal damage and must make a strength saving throw or be knocked prone, which would affect things normally if they were flying, but he’s immune to prone.

TALIESIN: All right, that’s fair. That was fine. Just for fun, then, let’s take one more shot and see what happens. That’s a natural 20.

SAM: It really is.

TALIESIN: It really is. I’m going to die. I’m going to fucking die. He’s going to kill me now.

LIAM: But gloriously.

TALIESIN: Aw, man, I have made a terrible mistake. That’s 20 points of damage plus, oh really? 12 points of psychic damage. So 20 points plus 12 which is 32, and his next round, he takes half that as well.

MATT: So next round, he takes a total of 39 points of damage automatically from the hemorrhaging shot. So as each shot (impacts). The crit hits, and you watch him go, (snarling). And as that impact hits, you watch as part of the armor cracks, and there’s a brief little wound in the shoulder where you see a glow of energy behind. You see the brief, a tiny little chink in the armor of his avatar form.

TALIESIN: Oh, god, I’m not comfortable with that. And I’m taking another ten feet back. I’m starting to back up a little bit, because that was more than I was intending.

MATT: Okay. That ends your turn.

TALIESIN: (breathless) Yes, that ends my turn.

MATT: Scanlan, you’re up.

LAURA: Okay, Scanlan, you’ve got this.

SAM: Bigby’s Hand is still near him?

MATT: Yep.

SAM: Bigby’s Hand will attack and strike.

MATT: All right, that’s a bonus action, go for it.

SAM: Two.

LAURA: What the fuck, get rid of that dice, Sam.

TALIESIN: That’s the only die you ever roll, man.

SAM: That’s my bonus action. Can I use my action to strike again?

MATT: If you wanted to? Generally, I think it’s supposed to be like you can, as a bonus action, cause it to do again, so your action has to be something else.

SAM: I have to do something else. That’s fine. Hey, question, before we go on. Earlier, you said something, when Ashley did something, and you said, “And when anyone heals in the future, it’s a "plus ten,” or something. What was that?

MATT: That’s her blessing from the Everlight. So only she gets that.

SAM: So when she heals anyone–

MATT: It’s plus ten to whatever she heals. That’s part of the gift she got from her god.

TRAVIS: How high up is Vecna above the deck, would you say?

MATT: Above the deck, let’s see–

TALIESIN: Got to get you up there, man.

MATT: 75 feet up.

TALIESIN: Never mind, it’s not my turn anymore, I can’t say anything.

SAM: 75, so I can’t even hit him with anything, really.

TALIESIN: Heal people. Or do a–

ASHLEY: Healing potion?

LAURA: He’s got a 9th-level spell. Could do something.

SAM: She’s a planetar?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: I turn into a giant eagle. And I’ll fly Grog up.

TALIESIN: Yeah!

MATT: He casts Polymorph?

SAM: Polymorph, on myself.

MATT: Oh, shit.

TALIESIN: That’s clutch.

MATT: All right.

SAM: I stand up using half my movement.

MATT: Yeah. So you’ll have half of your eagle’s fly form.

SAM: Yeah. I don’t know how far they can fly.

MARISHA: I think 60 feet.

SAM: I’m sure it takes time to get under him and stuff.

MATT: He’s pretty heavy in his large size, so I would say–

SAM: Oh, he’s Enlarged. He’s engorged.

MATT: You’re at half speed while he’s on your back. Even your fly speed.

SAM: So it was–

MATT: What’s the fly speed of the eagle?

LIAM: Giant eagle is 80 feet.

SAM: So it’s 40.

MATT: And you used half your movement, so you can get 20 feet up, yeah.

TALIESIN: It’s cool, next round you can do it.

SAM: Next round I can get close.

TALIESIN: Next round he can leap off you.

MATT: We’ll put you there and we’ll say you’re at 20 feet. I’ll acknowledge that here.

LAURA: Oh no!

LIAM: (screeches)

MATT: I need to put tape on the eagle. I can fix that.

LAURA: Do you want to hand me that– Oh, you already got tape, you’re prepared.

MATT: I came prepared. All righty.

MARISHA: We’re like an 80s B-level fantasy movie right now.

LAURA: This is amazing, Matt.

LIAM: It’s beautiful.

TRAVIS: I’ve seen buffets that are uglier than this.

MATT: Well thank you. Wait until the battle’s over before you thank me.

TALIESIN: Wait, what?

SAM: No, no, that’s fine. I mean, Bigby’s Hand couldn’t have moved down and gotten Grog and gone back up, right?

MATT: I mean, it would have taken a couple rounds, but you’ve already made your choices.

SAM: Sure. So Bigby’s Hand’s gone.

MATT: Because it’s a concentration spell, yeah.

SAM: Ooh, he wants to hold on.

MATT: I know.

SAM: (singing) Hold on to your love–

MATT: All righty. So ending Scanlan’s turn, Pike, you’re up.

ASHLEY: Okay! So I’m going to– Tried and true right now. I’m going to Guiding Bolt at 6th-level.

LAURA: Fuck yeah.

MATT: Guiding Bolt at 6th-level, all right.

LAURA: Guiding Bolt at 6th-level does 9d6 radiant damage.

SAM: Up what hole? Up the butt?

MARISHA: Oh, yeah, Vlad the Impaler him.

MATT: Make a ranged spell attack, Pike.

LIAM: His bone-dry anus?

TRAVIS: What does that mean? Disadvantage?

MATT: Yeah, it’s 120 feet, so you’re in range. No, it means you have to roll a d20 and then add your ranged spell attack modifier.

ASHLEY: Can I fly close to start?

MATT: Yeah, so you can move a little closer, but you have– He’s in range. You have 120-foot range, so you don’t have to get closer, but you can if you’d like to.

ASHLEY: Might as well.

MATT: Okay. I’ll say for the purposes of– We’ll know that J'mon is up there.

MARISHA and LAURA: Shamone.

MATT: Keeping an eye at that point there. Pike will rise up and move closer still to about there. All right. And what’d you roll?

ASHLEY: A natural 20.

TRAVIS: Did you really?!

TALIESIN: You got one!

ASHLEY: I fucking did.

(laughter)

LAURA: Does that double the dice?

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: It doubles damage, yeah. It’s one of the few ways you can crit with spell damage, is if it’s a ranged spell attack. So go ahead and roll your damage.

ASHLEY: I’m taking a picture of this right now.

MARISHA: Oh, my god, amazing.

LAURA: 18d6.

MARISHA: Well you roll, and then you double what you roll. So roll big!

ASHLEY: Not nine?

LAURA: It’s nine, just double it.

MATT: Roll 9d6.

MARISHA: Come on!

LIAM: Big money.

LAURA: I like that we’re looking like we can see.

ASHLEY: Oh, big money. Oh shit, that’s really big money.

MARISHA: Is it?

ASHLEY: Okay, hold on. Oh my god, I’m shaking so bad you guys. Okay.

TRAVIS: You got it, you got it. Count your death.

ASHLEY: Hold on.

TRAVIS: I’ve started to pull out sections of my beard.

TALIESIN: I know, I’m freaking out.

LIAM and TALIESIN: Pickle Rick!

LAURA: Pickle Pike!

ASHLEY: (sighs) Hold on.

TRAVIS: You’re good.

LIAM: This is the holy light swirling in a ball before it takes off.

TRAVIS: Yeah, this is the Ka–

TRAVIS and LAURA and TALIESIN: –Me–Ha–Me–!

SAM: Marvel Puzzle Quest!

ASHLEY: Sorry, I keep losing count. I’m sorry. I’m so nervous.

TALIESIN: No, it happens to the best of us. I know, this is a lot.

ASHLEY: Okay. 36.

MATT: Times two. 72 points of radiant damage.

MARISHA: Whoa! We need to start getting some trammels in him, I think, y'all.

MATT: And the next attack on him has advantage. You watch as Pike, her wings expanded, flies up in the direction. As she does, she glances upward, clutching the holy symbol of Sarenrae in her hand. Her eyes, which have already been glowing since she brought the blessing upon her physical form, now begin to burst with vibrant energy. As she extends her hand in front, you watch as a singular comet of divine wrath rockets upward, slamming into the front of Vecna’s chest. As the impact hits, he screams out and as he looks down, you can see the anger of his eye flaring, the energy now sparking outward with sheer hatred, and you can see the area of the chest where Percy had hit and slightly exposed a wound, there’s now a gaping wound in the chest where the Guiding Bolt has hit, and now the energy is crackling across his body, guiding the next attack against him.

ASHLEY: Wait, I miscalculated. It’s 37. Is that what I said?

TRAVIS: You said 36.

MATT: So that’s 74 points of damage. All righty, cool. All right, Pike, that’s your action and your move. Anything else you want to do?

SAM: Heal some shit!

ASHLEY: Yeah. Am I able to move back down closer to Scanlan?

MATT: You can get maybe down ten feet.

SAM: Remember, Scanlan is heading up towards you now as an eagle.

MATT: As an eagle. Technically, he’s at full health as an eagle.

ASHLEY: Oh. Okay.

SAM: But we are within range of you.

MATT: Yes, Grog and Scanlan are within range of you.

TALIESIN: I am not.

SAM: You can heal yourself if you’re down.

MARISHA: Are you down? Are you looking rough?

ASHLEY: I’m not terrible, but let me do– shit.

TRAVIS: If you’re under 100, heal yourself.

MARISHA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I’m not. Okay, I’m going to Healing Word two.

MATT: Okay, so roll 2d4 plus your wisdom modifier to yourself.

ASHLEY: For Scanlan.

MATT: Scanlan’s at full health as an eagle.

ASHLEY: Okay, fuck it.

LAURA: For Grog.

ASHLEY: For Grog!

MATT: Okay, so 2d4 plus your wisdom modifier to Grog. End of your turn, Vecna’s going to use a fifth and final legendary action to cast Firebolt again. That’s going to be– oh man. It’s going to go for the eagle. Seeing the massive man holding the sword bent on his destruction in his hand, wants to stop that ascension.

ASHLEY: 15, Grog.

TRAVIS: 15. Thank you.

MATT: He pulled it back, or he would have gone with him when he transported to the maze. That is a 30?

SAM: Against what?

MATT: It hits.

ASHLEY: Plus ten!

TALIESIN: To Grog.

ASHLEY: To Grog, yeah.

TRAVIS: 15 plus ten.

MATT: 25 points of fire damage.

SAM: 26 hit points.

MATT: So you have one hit point left.

SAM: (laughs) Right?

TALIESIN: Is that right?

SAM: It’s what it says.

LAURA: That’s fine. You’re still 20 feet in the air.

MATT: That ends Pike’s turn. Top of the round. Vecna gets all his legendary actions back. Vecna, who sees you all swarming upward, says, “I’ve enjoyed toying with you, playing, and all this fantastical experience of seeing what you’re capable of, but you’ve severely angered me.” He clutches up with his hand across where the wound is. “Let’s end this now.” With his other hand, raising up, you can see the stitch marks on the flesh of the reformed hand of Vecna begin to bulge, and as he does, the sky above you cracks open a second time as large arcane meteors come slamming down from above.

TRAVIS: Oh boy.

MATT: (singing) More than one 9th-level spell. He is a fucking god.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Oh jeez. Oh no.

MATT: To the ground, so that’s a 40-foot radius, so it would hit Scanlan and Grog. Pike, as it impacts here, Pike, you’re just out of range of the explosions. Your planetar form, however, is caught in the blast radius.

MARISHA: It is?

MATT: So everybody but Pike and Vex are affected by this.

SAM: How many meteors?

MATT: This is another 20d6 fire damage and 20d6 bludgeoning damage.

MARISHA: I get advantage on spell saves, right?

MATT: I need dexterity saving throws from everybody who was affected

MARISHA: Spell save, right?

TALIESIN: Okay, so I have advantage from Cabal’s Ruin.

LIAM: Hashtag blessed.

MATT: Are you using your reaction on this one?

TALIESIN: Not yet. I can wait– actually, yeah. I’m going to use my reaction, my once per short rest, my spell swallow.

MATT: Scanlan?

SAM: Eagle rolled a ten.

MATT: That’s a failure. Grog?

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: Failure.

LIAM: 31.

MATT: 31. Success.

MARISHA: 21.

MATT: Both failures, so that is 61 points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: We’re going to need you, Pike.

MATT: And 71 points of fire damage.

MARISHA: 61 and 71?

MATT: Correct, so 132 points of damage unless you have resistance against one or the other.

SAM: What are the two types of damage?

LAURA: Bludgeoning and fire.

MARISHA: Oh, I have resistance against bludgeoning as a planetar.

MATT: Yeah, so it would be 30 and 71, so you take 101 points of damage in your planetar form.

TALIESIN: I take half damage because I’m swallowing the spell.

MATT: So you take 65. 66.

TALIESIN: 66 points of damage?

TRAVIS: I have resistance to both, so it’s 68?

MATT: 66, we’ll say. You take the bulk of that. The eagle takes the one, and you transform, and you both plummet back down from where you were, hitting the ground.

SAM: I’m dead.

MATT: Scanlan is unconscious.

LAURA: You took less than a hundred. How many hit points did you have?

SAM: I had a hundred points as me, and one point as an eagle.

MATT: Scanlan is unconscious on the ground.

LAURA: Oh, you don’t restore all your hit points with Polymorph.

MARISHA: No, it carries over.

MATT: But you do have Death Ward.

(cheering)

MATT: The moment you hit zero hit points, you come back to consciousness. You’re still prone, but you’re at one hit point.

SAM: Oh god.

MATT: All righty, so Grog took that. Keyleth, you’ve marked that down, as well? The damage from that one? All right, Percival, since it’s a 9th-level spell, you gain nine charges.

TALIESIN: I’ve got nine charges left on Cabal, baby.

MARISHA: Oh, that’s magical!

MATT: And with that, knowing the circumstance, Vecna is going to arrange himself across the battlefield to this side.

MARISHA: That was rough.

MATT: All right, that’s going to end Vecna’s turn, and for the sake that it is now 9:00, let’s take a quick bathroom break.

SAM: What? No!

LAURA: We’re starting up at Grog’s turn.

MATT: We’re starting up at Grog’s turn. We’ll be right back here. Guys, we’ll see you back here in just a minute. We’ll make it quick, because we’ve got to rush in. Fast. Hold tight, and we’ll see where the rest of this battle will go. See you guys in a minute.

Break
[break]

Part II
MATT: And welcome back everybody. Before we get back into the fray, the winner in the chat tonight of the Wyrmwood giveaway was TwoOrThreeGodzillas. (laughter) Congratulations, TwoOrThreeGodzillas. Enjoy dividing it amongst yourselves. Hope it’s a good time for you, small box for a big creature, well done. So bringing it back in, last we left off, Vecna had just sent down another blast of arcane meteors pulled from beyond the realm slamming into the ground and sundering many of you, sending Scanlan into a point of near death where he popped back thanks to an aptly cast Death Ward in preparation for this combat. Vecna’s round has ended with him shifting over to the opposite side of the battlefield. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: From where I was released by the eagle when Scanlan changed back, I’m 20 feet off the deck. How far, if I was hereish–

MATT: If you were here and had gone straight up then fell back down, which technically would have dealt nine points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to four because you’re ever raging. You’ve landed on the ground.

TRAVIS: And he is off the deck how high about now? What would you ballpark it?

MATT: Vecna? I’d say probably 80 feet from down there.

TRAVIS: This is one of those moments. I’m going to hold my action until I am within melee of, or fucking closer to–

MATT: What action are you holding?

TRAVIS: My attack action.

SAM: No bonus actions?

TRAVIS: I’m a barbarian. I have shit for bonus actions.

SAM: You can’t pour anything in my mouth?

TRAVIS: Oh! Oh!

LAURA: That’s an action, not a bonus.

MATT: To pour it into something else’s mouth is an action, but yourself is a bonus.

SAM: I don’t know. Is that right, Matt?

TRAVIS: Can I take it myself with a bonus action?

MATT: That’s one of the house rules we started the campaign with. Up to you, if you want to apply it to Scanlan–

SAM: Because you won’t get any bonuses once you hold your action.

TRAVIS: I know, I know.

MATT: He’s at one hit point on the ground.

TRAVIS: I don’t want to take it, then.

LAURA: Why?

MATT: So you’re holding your attack action?

TRAVIS: I’m holding my attack action until I’m closer.

MATT: Okay, that ends your turn. At the end of Grog’s turn, Vecna will use his first legendary action–

TRAVIS: Tell you what, I’ll use my movement speed to move closer to being underneath, on the other side of Vax.

MATT: Okay, so you move right there, gotcha. At the end of your turn, Vecna going to use two legendary actions, actually. And across the way is going to glance over at the brass dragon that’s there who’s flying up in the space here, but all the platforms. And Vecna staring about at everything on the battlefield. “You make me uncomfortable with your presence, ancient one,” and is going to cast– I believe this space is large enough for gargantuan–

LAURA: Is he going to try and do what he did to Grog?

MATT: Nope! Instead, he’s going to create a Forcecage around J'mon. No saving throw necessary, you watch as J'mon's wings through their flapping are pulled in as a similar cage to what you saw of force energy deeper within the tower has now encased the brass dragon’s form. You see J'mon in their Devo'ssa form is now held within this Forcecage aloft within the air, the dragon begins slamming into each side and momentarily seems to be trying to figure out a way to escape.

TRAVIS: Are they taking any damage from banging against the cage?

MATT: Nope.

LAURA: I wonder if that’s concentration too? It probably is, right?

SAM: He probably can concentrate on more than one thing.

TALIESIN: No.

SAM: No? I don’t know.

MATT: So up here in this space is a brass dragon currently encased in a Forcecage.

TRAVIS: Oh, I was going to be like, J'mon give me a ride, and I forgot to say it.

MARISHA: And now you can’t.

TRAVIS: He just got pet stored, so–

MATT: So that brings us back to Vex’s turn.

LAURA: Okay, I’m down there with Velora, can I tuck her away in a safe spot?

MATT: You can tuck her in a place where it was once a solid piece of stone that cracked.

LAURA: Under my hat, definitely.

MATT: There is an element of what was once solid packed stone that was the central column of the tower that is now exposed broken rock, and the staircase that spirals around it before it abruptly ends and tendrils of green energy begin that hold the platforms aloft.

LAURA: And she’s unconscious?

MATT: She’s dead.

LAURA: She’s dead?!

TRAVIS: Oh god, here we go.

LAURA: Did everybody know that and I didn’t know that?

TRAVIS: She was burning and smoking and falling.

MATT: As you grab her body and pull up to the edge to look for a place you look down and there is no breath.

TRAVIS: She took 60 plus points of damage.

LAURA: Fuck.

ASHLEY: We can fix her later.

LIAM: If anybody survives.

LAURA: I tuck her little body away and hope that it’s safe, fucking shit balls. Can I fly back up?

MATT: You go ahead and set her aside, down below in an area where it’s safe and you fly up and at your full fly speed you can get to the edge of one of these platforms.

LAURA: Yeah, I’ll hover away, I’ll fly straight up from where I was with her.

SAM: And attack?

LAURA: Can I attack him?

MATT: I would say to carefully set her down that would be your action and your movement, but you’d get back into the fray.

SAM: Bonus action?

LAURA: I mean, my bonus actions are–

MATT: To be fair, helping going after Velora did manage to avoid you a impact of a meteor storm.

TRAVIS: That is true.

LAURA: Okay, tell you what: he knows that I’m down there, I’m sure he sees all but can I come up and hover in the air and bonus action hide behind that wall?

MATT: What I’d say is you’d come up this way and hide behind the wall? I’ll place you here but we’ll assume you’re behind.

LAURA: Do I roll for stealth?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Did you see how that dice did that? It was like, fuck you. 24.

MATT: Good to know. That bring us at the end of your turn. He’s now going to spend another legendary action to cast Firebolt at Scanlan.

LIAM: Goddamn it.

TALIESIN: Is that one legendary action, or two?

MATT: One legendary action for cantrips, two for a full spell.

TRAVIS: And that’s his third of this round.

SAM: Shit.

LAURA: So you’ve got one hit point now? So it’ll knock you down?

SAM: Do I try to Counterspell this?

MATT: Well you’re prone, so he has disadvantage on the attack roll.

SAM: Then can I do Cutting Words? Is it a melee attack?

MATT: What’s the range on Cutting Words?

SAM: Probably 60 feet.

MATT: He’s not within range. So that’s a 28 to hit.

SAM: That misses.

MATT: You suffer–

TRAVIS: One point of damage.

MATT: 17 points of fire damage and are now unconscious once more.

LAURA: Great.

TALIESIN: It’s fine.

MATT: That brings us to Vax’s turn.

LIAM: With my hasted action, I will cast Lay on Hands on Scanlan and bring him back up.

SAM: Great! That was fast!

TALIESIN: This was not going to last long.

LIAM: He’s got the book, right? Am I within 120 feet of Vecna’s face?

MATT: Yes, you are.

LIAM: I’m going to latch onto Vecna’s face.

LAURA: You’re going to fly straight at his face?

LIAM: I’m going to fly straight at his face.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: That’s all my movement to get there?

MATT: Yes, and you’re now currently–

LIAM: On his face.

MATT: Yes, on his face, which in his form, his head is roughly that large so you’d be clutching his ears.

LIAM: I’m flying right in his face.

MATT: You can feel the crackling energy of the gaping socket where the greenish arcane bursts are pulsing from the anger and sheer ability of his arcane prowess, each one of these tendrils is arcing around, two of them crawl across you and your skin goes numb in the places where they touch, and it’s cold. LIAM: I will use paladin action to dagger-dagger him in the face.

MATT: Wait, hold on a second. You used your action to–

LIAM: Hasted action.

MATT: Hasted action can only be used as an attack, hide object or–

LIAM: That’s fine, so I use my regular action to Lay on Hands, and my hasted action to attack him once in the face, maybe more, we’ll see.

SAM: Don’t keep us in suspense for too long!

LIAM: I’m going to use my first luck of the night.

LAURA: Oh my lord!

LIAM: Bad rolls. 24.

MATT: That hits.

SAM: Took three rolls and a bonus.

LIAM: Up top! And I’m going to dump 2nd-level Smite.

MATT: And he’s undead, so you get the additional smite damage.

LIAM: Yeah he is, motherfucker.

SAM: Pass me that not bottle of alcohol.

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Pass the gatorade?

LIAM: I need to write this down before I forget it. So before the Smite, it’s 44. And Jesus, I’m forgetting everything. 2d8 plus additional for undead which is 12, so 56, and how much extra for the undead, I can’t remember. 1d8? 2d8?

MATT: It’s an extra 1d8.

LIAM: Seven.

TRAVIS and LIAM: 63.

MATT: Woo! 63 points of damage as you rush up, wings up before right in the face, pull back and jam your blade into the side of the skull as it hits, you can see the skull crack open like a spider web of wound. As you pull the blade back, you can see the sutures are already pulling themselves together and as you’re this close to him now you can see there is a slow binding of wounds, there is an element of regeneration to his body. Apparently in his god-like ascension the body itself continually rebuilds.

LAURA: Makes sense. He’s a god. Of course he does.

MARISHA: I mean, I would want that if I was a god.

LAURA: That would be a feat I would take if I ascended to godhood.

MARISHA: Definitely put that on the list.

MATT: Level six divinity, I’ll take that feat.

LIAM: Bonus action, I will whisper to him: No fear. And stick one last dagger in his face.

MATT: You have to roll to hit first.

LIAM: Oh, do I? That’s fine, that hits, that’s 36.

MATT: Yeah, that hits.

MARISHA: You don’t crit on a 19?

LIAM: Yes I do with Whisper, but it’s not Whisper.

MATT: It’s not Whisper.

LIAM: Wait.

MATT: But you didn’t throw it.

LIAM: So it is a crit?

MATT: So the dice?

LIAM: It’s nothing though, the damage is nothing but he does have to roll a save, he’ll be fine, or be afraid of me.

LAURA: He’s immune to fear.

MATT: Sorry, buddy.

TALIESIN: Did he take his bleed damage from me?

MATT: He did, the 39 points of damage.

LIAM: Six big points, six big points.

MATT: That’s a nasty crit!

LIAM: Wait that’s Whisper, plus– 14 big points.

MATT: 14 points. So as you rush up and jam the blade in the side the second time, and pull back–

LIAM: 22 points, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I usually throw daggers, I usually don’t get up on people.

MATT: I know. It’s all good. So as you jam the second blade in and pull back, he lets you draw the blade, and a grin now curls back. At which point you watch as the wound that was blasted in the shoulder pulses and you can see the gunshot wound suddenly causes some of the more bones in the clavicle area that are now exposed from the impact crack leftover the hemorrhaging shot from Percival earlier. And he’s like, (grumble) “Hello.” You can smell this wave of decay and as it brushes past you, you can actually feel this weird crawling sensation like the air itself is beginning to pull at your flesh. And that’s your turn.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: All right. He is going to–

LIAM: Buy me a beer.

LAURA: How do we get Grog up there?

SAM: There’s a plan.

LAURA: Okay. Sorry, I’m sorry. Freaking out.

SAM: Percy’s building a ladder.

TALIESIN: Keep him distracted.

SAM: All he needs is a wood shop and about 25 minutes.

MATT: Vecna’s going to use his last two legendary actions as you stab in the face.

LIAM: Uh-huh. Here it is.

MATT: As his hand comes up in front, the hand which now the long skeletal fingers unwind to be larger than the full of your entire body and almost your wingspan, it’s almost like the fingers expand longer than they should, and he says, “Goodnight, Bitch’s prince.” And there’s like a flash of dark and you see this wave of cold necrotic energy come to you. I need you to go ahead and roll a constitution saving throw.

LIAM: Okay. I’m above 100. So I have no idea if that has anything to do with what’s going on here.

MATT: No.

SAM: Oh no. It’s something else.

LIAM: I’m going to use Luck. It was a good roll, but I’m going to use Luck.

SAM. Yeah.

LAURA: Do you have to take it if you use Luck?

LIAM: No.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: Con save?

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: 24.

MATT: 24 does not succeed. I’m sorry. You suffer–

LIAM: I’ve got the necrotic armor on.

MATT: However, unfortunately, the wave of energy that expanded last round, 20 count, negated that, so you take 36 points of necrotic damage.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: From Circle of Death.

LAURA: Circle of Death?

MATT: Oh, sorry, it should’ve been an extra d6 on that. So add three to that, because there’s 2d6 every additional spell level.

LIAM: That’s fair.

TALIESIN: He’s out of legendaries.

MATT: That brings us to the 20 initiative count. J'mon, desperately trying, does not have the spellcasting prowess of other dragons you’ve encountered and begins to thrust their body side to side against the Forcecage, unable to escape, roaring angrily within the confines of the spell, as it clusters in the entirety of this majestic dragon’s form into this small box held aloft in this space to the side of the ruined tower. At this point in time, you see as the spiraling cyclone around you is whirling, and you hear screeches in the distance, and you watch as flying creatures, four of them, begin to emerge from the sides of it. You see from the back two heavily wounded gloomstalkers giving chase to two wyverns that are damaged in their own right. Flying in, on the back there are two soldiers coming in. As the darkness begins to fade past, you can see the red skin and dark horns, the white hair of Zahra, riding on the side of this wyvern, and behind her, Kashaw, riding in as well.

(yelling)

ALL: Holy shit! Oh my god! What the hell!

LIAM: Ah! This guy!

(yelling)

SAM: We saw you die!

WILL: Never believe it.

MATT: You do see, as they swarm in, the two other gloomstalkers close behind. Both of them appear, at first glance, they themselves are scratched. You see bloodied in the faces. They’ve been through an onslaught to even break through to the top of the tower. As you see them ride into the brief but crackling light from the surrounding magical aura of the tower, you have seemingly a cavalry at hand. So what would you guys like to do?

WILL: My love?

MARY: Hello, darling. You’ve got a little blood all over you. It’s all right.

WILL: You look like shit!

MARY: Thank you, darling. Oh my god.

MARISHA: He’s beauty pageant crying.

MARY: Is there anybody fallen in this, my darling?

MATT: You hear (screeching) behind you. Two of the gloomstalkers that have been chasing you have also pushed through the cyclone, seemingly unaffected by its torrent.

WILL: Yeah, we’re being followed. Where are we in relation to everybody?

MATT: You guys are right here. Your full move was to get to that edge of the tower, and right now you each have an action. What are you going to do?

MARY: How far up is he from us?

MATT: From each of you, he would be about 55 feet.

SAM: Put on the hurt.

MARISHA: That’s you! That’s fucking you!

TALIESIN: This is everything I wanted.

MARY: I’m going in, my love. I fly up within range. I raise my hand, I target his eye, and I cast, or I try, Finger of Death.

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: All right, so. He has to make a constitution saving throw. That is a 17.

MARY: No.

MATT: So he takes 7d8 plus 30 necrotic damage. So go ahead and roll 7d8.

TALIESIN: You can use mine. Whatever you need. I only have a couple.

MARISHA: Here’s some too.

MARY: Eight plus five is 13. How many do I roll? Seven. Oh shit.

SAM: You’re up to 20. You’re at 32.

MARY: And one more? 38 plus 30 is 68.

MATT: 68 points of necrotic damage. Halved, because he is resistant to necrotic damage. 34 points of necrotic damage. As you reach up, you watch as the beam of sickly green energy slams into the back of Vecna as he’s spun around. You saw the eye for a second but in the flurry of realizing you’re there, he spins and it manages to catch him in the back of the shoulder. “Oh, how quaint. I learned that when I was but a child.”

MARY: Oh, did you! Well it’s time to put aside childish things, semi-god.

MATT: What are you doing, Kashaw?

WILL: First of all, I’m going, Fuck yeah, baby! So is there anybody directly around Vecna right now? You’re on his face?

MATT: Yeah, Vax is flying up in his face right now.

WILL: Makes things more difficult.

LIAM: Could you aim for his penis?

WILL: I could, but why? It’s so pretty. I think I’m going to do what I can first.

MARISHA: How many penises have you seen?

WILL: Well different story. I think I’d like to fly down and get closer to everybody.

MATT: It took your full movement to get to this spot, so you have your action for the turn.

WILL: Who is in range for a good Mass Cure Wounds? Is there anybody?

MATT: Within your current range, you have Percival, Grog, and– what’s the range on it?

WILL: It is, to Mass Cure, is 30-foot radius.

LIAM: And you’re on that side.

LAURA: But Mass Cure, you can choose a point. Mass Cure Wounds, you can choose any 30-foot sphere within 60 feet of you.

MATT: So with that, you can hit either Grog, Percy, and Scanlan, or Vex, Grog, and Scanlan.

WILL: Well Scanlan, I know, needs some help, so I think we’re going to definitely do Percy, Grog, and Scanlan, then, if those are the guys that need it the most.

LAURA: Yeah, because you don’t see me because I’m hidden on the other side.

WILL: I’m going to also, for the record, I’m going to do it as a 6th-level spell, so it’s going to be 4d8 instead. These are the eights, correct? Testify, my friend.

SAM: Matt, our young lady over here would like to bonus action something.

MARY: If I’m too late– Can I Hex him?

MATT: You can. Double hex.

SAM: Oh, double hex? He’s already hexed?

TALIESIN: I have him hexed.

SAM: All right, double hexed.

MATT: By the way, I need you to make a concentration check because you did take a shit-ton of damage.

TALIESIN: I took, how much damage did I take?

MATT: It would’ve been, because you took half of it, so it would’ve been 60– So you have to beat a 33.

TALIESIN: What is the saving throw?

MATT: Constitution.

TALIESIN: I can’t, so that’s fine. Mine’s gone.

SAM: And yours is up.

TALIESIN: It is not a 20.

MATT: All right, so yeah. So your Hex is gone, but Zahra’s Hex is up.

WILL: You guys get 20.

MATT: 20 hit points to Scanlan, Grog, and Percival. All right, anything with your bonus action, or you good?

WILL: Can I get away with my bonus action? I used my entire movement to get there, didn’t I? So no.

MATT: That ends your turn. All right, also, at this point, the stones begin to shift. You watch as the tether that holds the various columns begins to separate and then begin to rotate.

SAM: Wait, what?

MATT: So this island begins to move. This tower begins to separate to there. This begins to push away.

SAM: We’re getting farther apart?

LAURA: Fuck.

TALIESIN: None of us are on these platforms, though. Those are all skeletons.

MARISHA: I’m a flyer, so I’m good.

LAURA: I’m hidden on the other side of the wall, so would I have been sitting there on my broom, like, as the wall has shifted away from me?

MATT: Yeah, shifted outward like: “Ah, what?”

LAURA: Zahra! Hi!

MARISHA: She’s distracted. She’s like (yells) right now.

LAURA: There’s shit going on, she wouldn’t even have noticed me.

MARY: My darling! Hello!

LAURA: Hi!

MARY: I love your hat!

LAURA: Oh, thank you! It’s very hot, but I’m going to put it on for a second because she complimented it!

MARISHA: Okay, in my buff Michael Fassbender, but as a hot chick kind of way, I look down and I go: Grog! The gymnast thing! Whoosh. And I swoop down, my speed.

MATT: Toward Grog?

MARISHA: But I’m buff, and I’m bigger!

MATT: I’d say you need about 50 feet to get to Grog. 50 feet of your movement, you get down to where Grog is. What are you doing?

MARISHA: I’m going to scoop him up if he can do a little jump and whoosh.

MATT: What’s the strength of your planetar?

MARISHA: 24 strength.

MATT: Yeah, you could, yeah. You could probably do that. Roll a strength check for me, if you don’t mind.

MARISHA: Okay, that’s fine. I rolled a nine plus seven, so 16.

MATT: So you swoop down, arm underneath Grog’s shoulders. It’s your action do that, I’ll say. Grab and get hold, and then–?

MARISHA: Going the rest of my movement, which you said I used 40 feet? 50? So I have another 70 feet of movement.

MATT: You get him about there.

MARISHA: Can I use my bonus to dash a little further?

MATT: I don’t think you have a bonus to dash, unfortunately.

MARISHA: Can I, because you held your action. Can I get up there and give him the cheerleader, like the figure skater, Go, Grog! And see if I can do the, you know?

MATT: You’ve already used your action, unfortunately. That would be an action to try and do that.

LAURA: Oh that’s true, he does have a chain weapon.

MATT: We’ll say for the purposes of this–

SAM: God, so many levels.

MATT: I know, this is kind of crazy. You guys are about ten feet below.

MARISHA: What’s the reach on your thing? Can I have him on my shoulder, you know, once again like the cheerleader thing? Ready, go! Okay!

LAURA: Can you do anything?

TRAVIS: Not as much as I wanted to do, but I’m not going to get any closer this round. I’m going to use that action to– MARISHA: Can you use your chain as a grappling hook?

TRAVIS: Yeah, but I’m going to take a note from Zahra, and I’m going to, with the Sword of Kas, cast Finger of Death.

SAM: Oh!

WILL: Wow!

TRAVIS: Is that an attack action?

MATT: No, it’s casting a spell, so you’d have to say you were holding that.

TRAVIS: Okay, I’ll attach the Chain of Returning, then, and throw the sword.

MATT: Okay, so as you’re pulled up and you’re just out of range, you see the wings beginning to falter at the end of the round. You lob the sword up. As you’re preparing it once again, the sword’s voice pulses into your ears. “Kill him, take him, throw me!”

TRAVIS: Just out of curiosity, you can’t fly or anything, can you?

MATT: “No! Hurry!”

TRAVIS: All right. That is a 31.

MATT: 31 hits.

TRAVIS: Yes, okay.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh, nice! Ten, so 26–

LIAM: We love you, Ashley.

ASHLEY: I love you guys.

TRAVIS: 35, 39, 43. 43.

MATT: 43, whew.

ASHLEY: That’s my boy, Grog!

MATT: Okay. So as you swing the Sword of Kas upward, it lodges right into the side of the ribcage and up into the spinal column where this little bits of hanging, mummified flesh. You watch as a flash of energy hits in a blast of necrotic, angry dark energy. The sword immediately says, in the back of your mind, “Yes!” as Vecna (sounds of pain). Grasps the blade on the other end, where it’s jammed through, and looks down at you. You can see this point of grin, of, “You’re going to continue to be a problem, won’t you?” So the sword is embedded in his body. You do see, where it’s embedded, a secondary spark of that glowing light is beginning to emerge.

LAURA: That’s good.

TRAVIS: It’s a bonus action to pull it out, but I don’t have one.

MATT: You don’t, no. It’s just in there.

TRAVIS: Got a stuck Vecna. All right!

MATT: Keyleth, end of your turn? All right. Percival, you’re up.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take a shot at one of those nasties that have followed them through, since that seems to be a good use of my energy right now. First shot is a 29 to hit.

MATT: 29 to hit? Okay, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: I’m going to, just for fun, drop two Cabal’s Ruin in there, for my own amusement.

MATT: I get a sinking sense that Bones of the Earth isn’t going to happen?

MARISHA: I’m sorry.

MATT: However! If anyone wants some really cool stone pillars–

MARISHA: It changed! The battlefield changed immediately.

MATT: Easy to make with a dowel and a Dremel, guys. Recommend it. It’s great.

TALIESIN: Aw, now I feel bad. 15 points of damage, two points of psychic, and six points of lightning damage to shadowy jerk number one.

MATT: Okay, as it’s flying (screeching). It looks heavily damaged. It’s taken some hits in the fray, but it’s still standing. It’s still flapping its wings. It now seems to be noticing all the new targets on the battlefield, beyond the ones it was– Okay, go for it.

TALIESIN: I’m shoot it again. I’m going to drop a grit for advantage.

TRAVIS: Kim Kardashian’s fantasy wedding cake here.

MATT: Strangely enough, that’s the name for the battlefield tonight.

TALIESIN: 27 to hit. I’m not going to drop anything into it, I’m just going to hit him. That’s nine points of damage plus two psychic damage.

MATT: Okay. Hits him, You can see the drops of its internal fluids dropping out, but it’s still standing there.

TALIESIN: Oh, fine. Then I’m going to target the other one with another grit for advantage. That’s cocked. Feels bad, I liked that roll.

MARISHA: Is that the same roll?

TALIESIN: Yeah, same roll. (counting) 24.

MATT: That hits.

TALIESIN: All right, and I’m going to drop one, two, three, four, five points of Cabal’s Ruin into that one. Drop, motherfucker. Three, four, five.

MARISHA: Drop it like it’s hot.

TALIESIN: That’s ten, 18 points of lightning damage. 13 points of piercing damage, and six points of psychic damage.

LAURA: Okay, this hat is so hot!

MATT: The other one (explosion) shoots, blasts, and you see the lightning arcing across its body, lighting up the outside of its normally almost nightmare-black flesh. The smoke dissipates and you can see blood dripping from its form, black, and disappearing into the sky beneath you, the wind from the cyclone whipping it out of sight. Still flying in space, though. They’re both heavily wounded, but they’re still there.

TALIESIN: Fuck’s sake. That’s everything I’ve got right now. I’m going to try and scoot around the– I’m going to get a little further back so I can grab onto that orb if things go shitty.

MATT: Scanlan, you’re up.

MARISHA: If we straight kill him, that’s no good?

TALIESIN: No, he won’t die. You’ve got to trammel him. You can’t kill him.

MATT: You don’t know what would happen.

TRAVIS: It’s quite clear we know nothing.

SAM: Wand of Fireballs can get him, right?

MATT: The range on Fireball? It’s a pretty long range, I’m pretty sure.

TALIESIN: Although you can probably hit him with it and not hit Vax.

SAM: I could hit above him.

MATT: Fireball, 150 feet. Yeah, you could totally hit him with it. You’re still prone on the ground, by the way.

SAM: I will stand up.

MATT: Okay, you still have about 15, ten feet of movement.

SAM: Who’s near me?

MATT: Vex is behind you, Percy’s to the front and the right of you. Pike’s above you.

SAM: Is Pike within inspiring range, or–? Oh wait, actually–

MATT: Might be, yeah. Any of them would, including Grog and Keyleth. Actually no, because he’s up here, he’s out of range. I’m sorry, my bad, I forgot. He’s right there. I’m like, this will be enough platforms! How can that possibly not be enough platforms? Lesson learned.

SAM: I’ll use five of my seven Fireball charges.

MATT: Five of your seven Fireball charges? Puts it at a level what?

SAM: Well it starts at three, and that uses one charge. So four, five, six, seven.

MATT: Okay, so 7th-level Fireball. Dexterity saving throw from him. That is a 21.

SAM: Is that my spellcasting–? No, it’s a DC 15. It saves.

MATT: So roll damage, and he takes half.

SAM: Shit, and it’s 8d6, 9d6, 10d6, 11d6, 12d6! But halved. Okay, 14, 25, that was good. 40.

MATT: 40, okay. So he takes 20 points of fire damage.

SAM: Yep, and I’ll call out, I need a lift! I will bonus action 2nd-level Healing Words myself.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Oh, terrible. Okay, so I get another ten points.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay.

ALL: Okay, okay, okay!

SAM: That’s it!

MATT: All righty. Pike, you’re up.

ASHLEY: Okay. Is there somewhere I can get where I can be within 60 feet range of everybody? In a middle spot?

LAURA: You’re pretty close to being that.

MATT: Yeah, actually, you’re not that far from it. If you move over to here, about this space, you could probably get within 60 feet of everybody, yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay, I’m going to do it!

LAURA: What are you doing?

ASHLEY: It’s time for Mass Heal, which is 700 hit points spread out.

MATT: Vecna is going to use his reaction blowing a, let’s see.

LAURA: Such a dick move.

TRAVIS: He’s used all of his legendary actions.

TALIESIN: He has one last legendary resistance.

MATT: All right, so what’s the spell level on that?

ASHLEY: Nine.

MATT: 9th-level spell? All right, so it’s a DC of 19. He has to roll an ability check using your spellcasting ability, which is ten, so–

SAM: I can’t Counterspell his Counterspell?

MATT: You’re too far away from him.

SAM: But I’m not too far away from her? But that’s not how it works, okay.

TALIESIN: He has disadvantage because he’s currently under Hex.

MATT: That’s true. So 17. Natural 17, plus ten. So 27.

MARISHA: That’s not good.

MATT: (sighs) Seven plus ten, that’s 17. It’s a 9th-level spell. He needed to roll a 19 or higher, so he fails–

(cheering)

MARY: Hex wins again!

MATT: Well that was– your hex was gone?

TALIESIN: No, it was your hex.

MARY: It was my hex.

MATT: And you said intelligence on that one, too?

MARY: Pardon me?

TALIESIN and LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. Because you called Hex. Sure.

LIAM: Question. I’m probably out of range. Am I in or out of range, by his face? Probably just out?

MATT: Because you attacked physically, in melee, you’re right in his face.

LIAM: Close to Pike– am I 60 feet?

MATT: Oh. Yeah, I’ll say so.

SAM: All right, Pike, divvy it up.

ASHLEY: Okay, so. Zahra and Kashaw, I love you both–

MARY: We don’t need any, darling. We’re fine.

ASHLEY: Okay. But I’m going to give– all of us get 100 apiece.

(cheering)

WILL: Good for you guys.

ASHLEY: You get a hundred, and you get a hundred!

LAURA: Wait, Pike, I don’t need that much! I only need like 20.

LIAM: Does she get to choose?

MATT: She gets to divvy up the hit points however she wants.

LIAM: Vax is doing real well. The temporary hit points don’t come back, right? Yeah, Vax is doing real well. I’ll take a skosh, a peppering.

ASHLEY: Just a skosh?

LAURA: I need 20 hit points.

TRAVIS: And I only need 66.

MARISHA: I need a full 100, what about you?

SAM: I need more than a hundred.

MARISHA: And you need more than a hundred. But she has plenty left over. Percy and Sam need more than a hundred.

SAM: How does this work, Matt? Does she know all this inherently?

LIAM: She can see how fucked up we are.

LAURA: So good, you have enough for everybody to get back to max. So that’s the thing, everybody’s back at max.

LIAM: None of the temporary hit points, but your regular max.

LAURA: Plus the two for the feast, so.

TALIESIN: Yeah, your max plus two.

SAM: And Vecna’s also back to full. Right?

MATT: (laughter) Everybody!

SAM: She’s really nice.

MATT: All right, so everybody’s at full hit points.

TRAVIS: What a fucking boss.

LIAM: Love your healers, folks.

WILL: Hug a cleric today!

MARY: I can see the steam rising from Matt’s head.

MATT: All right, so that finishes your turn, Pike?

ASHLEY: Trying to think if I should move a little bit.

LAURA: Move. Get out of range of him, if you can.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I’m going to try to get out of range of him and closer to my peeps.

MATT: Okay. So you’ll get down, you can move about that far.

MARISHA: You have a trammel, right, Pike?

ASHLEY: Oh, maybe, you know what? I’m going to hang out right there, maybe.

MARISHA: Are we trying to get all three trammels in in one round?

TALIESIN: That would be amazing.

LAURA: That’d be killer. I don’t know if we can.

MARISHA: I’m afraid he’s going to try and yank them out.

MATT: So that ends PIke’s turn. Top of the round, we’re back to Vecna, who gets his legendary actions back.

ASHLEY: Oh wait, wait, wait! Is there anyone– can I touch Grog, or is there anybody I’m near?

LAURA: Everybody’s fully healed.

ASHLEY: No, I know, but is there anybody that I can touch?

MATT: You would be able, you could fly up closer to Vecna, or fly lower because you moved, with a fly speed of 20–

LIAM: Are you thinking of blessing Grog and Keyleth, or something like that?

ASHLEY: Yeah, I have a little cantrip that I was going to use, but– Oh no, never mind, it’s not a bonus. Never mind.

MATT: Okay, so Vecna’s turn. Frustrated and angry, as his Counterspell fizzles out of his hand, “Very well. First and foremost, no friends.” He’s going to go ahead and cast a high-level Hold Monster.

WILL: It’s been wonderful seeing you all again.

TALIESIN: The dragon cage is not concentration, is it?

TRAVIS: Oh, the energy cage? Vecna’s energy cage is not concentration, right?

MATT: No. It lasts for an hour.

LAURA: Oh my god, really? Oh, poor J'mon!

LIAM: The face Ashley just made!

ASHLEY: They’re going to be in there for a minute. Nobody wants that dragon in the window.

MATT: Fail, and fail. I need both Kashaw and Zahra to make wisdom saving throws, please.

TRAVIS: The wyverns fall?

WILL: They better not fall.

SAM: Wait, is he freezing the wyverns or the–

MATT: All of them.

MARY: I’m going to use Luck. First luck. 22.

MATT: 22.

WILL: I rolled a natural one, plus four.

MATT: The wyvern wings immediately lock in place as both of you feel your entire bodies slowly seize up. You, with the wyverns, plummet out of view.

MARY: Do I have a reaction?

MATT: No, you do not.

LIAM: Did you just kill our guests?

MATT: You guys plummet out of sight.

LAURA: No!

MARISHA: Did you have something?

SAM: She did have a reaction! Can she use a reaction?

MATT: What reaction would you like to do?

MARY: Hellish Rebuke.

MATT: Hellish Rebuke? You’d have to take, let’s see here. For Hellish Rebuke, you have to be hit first, and then you return, but the Hold spell prevents you from actually taking any actions or reactions.

MARY: Is it Hold Person, or Hold Monster?

MATT: Hold Monster.

MARY: Oh, I’m not a monster.

MATT: It’s a type of– here.

LIAM: You’re a monster!

SAM: It can do anything, human or monster.

MATT: It’s a creature you can see. Hold Person is designated for just people. Hold Monster’s a better version which can affect pretty much anything.

MARY: Did you affect me, or did you affect my wyvern?

TALIESIN: Yes.

MATT: Both.

MARY: How can you do that?

MATT: He cast it at a very high level.

MARY: I’m going to have to leave now.

TRAVIS: You will be avenged!

MARY: As before, we love you guys!

MARISHA: There’s a lot you can do when you’re falling!

WILL: We can’t even speak, can we?

MATT: No. You both quietly fall off the wyvern as you plummet in silence past the edge, plummeting down the side of the tower.

LAURA: You guys got major damage, though!

MARY: At least the baby will be safe!

(yelling)

TALIESIN: No! No!

SAM: What baby?!

MARY: Avenge us!

SAM: What just happened!

MARY: The three of us!

SAM: Three of us!

MARISHA: That was the worst blue balls ever.

MATT: You get an attack of opportunity.

LIAM: Oh yeah, okay, sneak attack. On my advantage, because of Vow of Enmity.

MATT: You already used sneak attack before the end of your last turn.

LIAM: I have been tweeted at by eight billion people saying that on attack of opportunity on a reaction, I get sneak attack.

MATT: You’re right.

LIAM: Thanks, eight billion people!

TRAVIS: That’s a lot of people. They should all follow your social media accounts.

ASHLEY: Does anybody get an advantage after the Guiding Bolt?

TALIESIN: Nobody’s actually hit him with anything since then.

SAM: Oh, oh, oh! I would like to know his wisdom stat, please, Matt.

LAURA: Oh, you can do that!

MATT: His wisdom is 22.

SAM: That’s what we have to beat with our trammels.

TRAVIS: We have to roll higher than a 22?

LAURA: Well no, a 22 wisdom will get him plus seven, or plus six, to his–

SAM: It’s a DC ten, plus five for each divine trammel.

MATT: That’s his wisdom score. His wisdom saving throw? Is that what you want to know?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: It’s a plus ten.

SAM: Plus ten.

MATT: So whatever he rolls, plus ten.

LAURA: So he’s got to roll a 20 and then add ten to it. So we’ve got to roll–

SAM: Wait. So the trammel is a DC ten, plus five for each trammel fused to the target. So he’s got a plus ten to save. Assume that he’s going to roll at least a ten.

TRAVIS: What do we hit the trammels in with? Our strength?

SAM: So we have to get all three in.

LAURA: Yeah, we have to get them all in.

SAM: At least two. Wait, is that the stat I should have asked for? I think, right?

MARISHA: It gives us a good answer.

TALIESIN: That’s a 25 if we get all three in.

LIAM: I rolled a 34 to hit, so I’m going to start rolling damage.

TALIESIN: That’s the only thing that gives us a fighting chance.

MATT: You’re a little higher there, Vax.

LIAM: And I’ll dump Smite into it, as well.

MATT: Go for it. So what’s the total on that one, the damage you just did?

LIAM: I didn’t do any damage yet. (adding) Good.

TALIESIN: We get all three in, and then we get one round.

MARISHA: So if we got two in, then he would have to save over 20, so he would have to roll a ten or higher.

LAURA: Which is so easy.

MARISHA: We have a 50/50 shot if we get two in him.

LAURA: What are you doing?

SAM: And if we get three in him, 75% chance?

MARISHA: Yeah, but he can still save from it if he rolls a 16, 17, 18, 19, or 20.

SAM: And you’ve got to assume that he’s got some feat that can get him a ten whenever he wants, right?

LIAM: I’m calculating shit. I’m scared to death.

TALIESIN: This is, it’s hard to do.

SAM: Critters, we love you. Thanks for watching the show.

MATT: You watch as some of his wounds begin to seal up. Looking at him, you get a sense that he heals roughly, we’ll say for the sake of this, because it’s the end of the game, why not. Heals 50 hit points a round.

MARISHA: 50 hit points a round?

SAM: We barely do 50 hit points a round!

MATT: You guys have been doing some good damage to him.

TALIESIN: We’ve been hurting him.

LIAM: Well I just hit him for a total, with Smite, for a total of 65.

SAM: Dang.

TALIESIN: So that’s gone.

SAM: Unless he can halve it or something.

MARISHA: Oh wait, you already did your action.

TALIESIN: There would be an effect if it were halved. We would know. You can visually see when someone doesn’t take the full damage.

TRAVIS: That was attack of opportunity.

MATT: Yeah, you dodged away from him. All right. So that brings us to Grog.

TRAVIS: So we’re ten feet below him?

MARISHA: How far away is he now? From where we moved?

TALIESIN: He was also connected by a sword to a chain.

TRAVIS: Oh fuck, yeah, that’s right.

MATT: Nope. I gave him a strength save to see if he managed to push the sword away. Natural 20. So the sword dislodges as he yanks it out of his side. It dangles the chain and you pull it back up.

MARISHA: So how far away are we now, roughly?

MATT: From him, you are about, I’d say, 40-50 feet.

MARISHA: We were up under him a little bit.

MATT: You were here, so you’re about, yeah, 50-60 feet from him that way.

MARISHA: If you want to hold again, I can get you up there next. If you want to hold your attack action. I can get you in melee range this time.

TRAVIS: I’ll use my bonus action to pull the sword back, so it’s in my other hand. I mean, I could roll for it–

LAURA: You can do Finger of Death this time.

TRAVIS: No, I’d probably hold my attack. If I hold my action, I can hold one thing. So I’ll hold until I’m within melee. Yeah.

MARISHA: I can maybe, I can do an arc and do a droppy thing on him?

TRAVIS: Just get me to him. Don’t drop me, just get me there. We’ve got to pull out all the stops. It’s all or nothing.

MATT: All right, so you’re holding your action?

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: Okay. That brings us to, end of your turn, he’s going to go ahead and use two legendary actions to cast Telekinesis with an extended range.

SAM: What?! Telekinesis? What’s he doing? What does that do? That moves things, right?

MATT: Yes, but he has an extended range on all of his spells because of his– yeah. For most of his spells, not all of them. So he looks down and begins to rise his hand up. You watch as the central column begins to shift.

SAM: What’s on there?

MATT: Lift up higher and higher until about midway, there.

SAM: What’s that going to do?

MATT: Going to adjust this a little bit so we can–

TALIESIN: He’s going to throw a boulder at us.

TRAVIS: Were Zahra and Kash petrified, or–

LAURA: They were held.

TRAVIS: Is that a concentration?

LIAM: They’re going to splat.

LAURA: They fell.

TRAVIS: But we’re like 400 feet up.

SAM: Yeah, but you just gave damage to Vecna, right? Did he maintain his concentration, Matt?

LIAM: For holding Zahra and Kash, and the monsters? Because I stabbed him in the face? Or in the ass as he ran.

MARISHA: How epic would that be if they ran back in?

MATT: Natural 20. They are currently now plummeting off the side. You watched them disappear from sight. As he goes ahead and lifts that up, it shifts up into the space. We’ll say Pike is about there. All right. And that is his spell.

SAM: What is he going to do with that thing?

MATT: So that ends Grog’s turn. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Okay. I’m going to shoot some arrows at him.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: Am I hidden? Can he see me? He probably can. He can see all.

MATT: He can see you. You don’t get sneak attack.

LAURA: Of course not. But my brother is not with him anymore.

MATT: Nope. He’s currently floating up here right now.

LAURA: Cool, tight. All right, then I’m going to attack him with a needle arrow. Natural one. I’m going to attack him with another.

MATT: It fires off to the side. The nerves kicking in to you, unfortunately it doesn’t strike true.

LAURA: Well I just bundled up my sister. Yeah, that just happened, still. Cool, I’m going to try to hit him again, with another needle arrow. Okay, that probably hits. Yeah, that’s a 28.

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: It’s a plus one, because it’s a needle arrow.

SAM: Does it smell like Taryon?

LAURA: Yeah. I’m going to call out: For Tary! How about that? 11, is that it?

SAM: Does he have Hunter’s Mark or anything?

LAURA: Oh yeah. 16 points of damage.

MATT: 16 points of damage, all righty. Got it. All right, does that end your turn?

LAURA: No, I’m going to move. I’m going to move around, over to here.

MATT: All right, so you shift over to the side. Go ahead and place yourself here.

LAURA: And I’m still on my broom.

MATT: Floating up there. Perfect. All righty. Is that your turn?

LAURA: I’m going to use, well, I don’t really have anything I can do with my bonus action. Oh no! It’s foreshadowing! That’s it.

MATT: All right, that’s it. At the end of your turn, he’s going to use two more legendary actions. As he’s off on the other side and he’s been lifting this large rock up into the air, it slips up higher and higher, into the center space. He’s carefully guiding it to position as he holds it there. He glances about. “Well, it seems, I assume, that many of your tanks are now empty. I hate to be repetitive, but I’m extremely frustrated with how hard it is to kill you!” As he brings his hand, other hand up in the air, you hear an even louder tear as, a third time, the sky opens up. This time, sending a meteor that side, this side, and crashing into the side here, to impact and explode in a 40-foot radius up in the air above.

SAM: Oh god, so he needed ground.

TRAVIS: That’s what he was doing.

TALIESIN: He has a third spell?

MATT: That’s his third and final 9th-level spell.

SAM: Damn.

LAURA: Damn it, god power!

ASHLEY: That’s so many 9th-levels, yo!

TRAVIS: Fail, but I’m going to use my Stone’s Endurance to further–

LIAM: Dex save, right?

MATT: Dex save for everybody.

TALIESIN: We got hit by meteor again.

SAM: Any sort of advantage?

TRAVIS: He hit the giant platform that he was raising.

MARISHA: Advantage against spell saves, yeah?

MATT: The platform is destroyed from the impact, by the way, so that central column is now missing.

TALIESIN: Fuck me.

MARISHA: Dex?

LIAM: Dex save, yeah. You’re blessed, so add a d4.

ASHLEY: Is this also for people flying?

MATT: Yep, he pulled it right up beneath you and one of the meteors slammed into.

TALIESIN: Fuck, man. Nope.

MATT: So Scanlan?

SAM: Nine!

TALIESIN: 16.

MARISHA: 20.

LIAM: 34.

LAURA: 34.

TRAVIS: Less than 20.

MATT: All right, so. That is 72 points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: That’s not so bad, right guys?

MARISHA: Resisted, so–

MATT: Right, so half of that.

MARISHA: 72, so 34, 35?

MATT: 36, technically. Half of 72. No damage to you. Then half damage to you, so take 36. You take full. Percy, you take the full. Then 65 points of fire damage.

LAURA: Halved, again.

SAM: So what is that, total?

MATT: So 32, yeah.

TALIESIN: So what’s the total?

MATT: The total would be 72 and 65, that would be 137.

LAURA: He knocked us right back down.

ASHLEY: Is the fire halved because of the–? And what was the fire again? I’m so sorry.

MATT: So you only take 32 points of fire damage.

ASHLEY: So 72.

MATT: Yeah. He had other spells at his disposal, but you guys kept fucking healing.

TRAVIS: Stone’s Endurance. Six plus six, 12. So less 12.

TALIESIN: I’m okay.

MARISHA: Thank god we healed. We would’ve all been dead.

TRAVIS: So 55 points of damage.

LAURA: I mean, that would have killed us right off. Straight up.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that would’ve been the end of us. Right there.

TRAVIS: Fucking Pike, man.

MATT: All right, so. That ends Vex’s turn. Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: Okay, so with a split second and that erupted all around us, I have a moment to appreciate all of this angelic fucking flexing and taking all of that damage. I take out my superior healing potion, kiss Keyleth on the cheek, and feed her the potion. That’s my action, my regular action.

MARISHA: You’re feeding me a potion? Hey babe– (gagging)

LIAM: Then I’m flying eye-level with Vecna. Yeah, am I within 60 feet there?

MATT: You’re probably a little bit closer.

LIAM: I’ll get a little bit closer, and then I will use my hasted action to chuck a dagger at his fucking face.

MARISHA: You fed me a superior?

LIAM: Yeah. Natural 20 with Whisper.

TALIESIN: Okay! We’ve got to start putting some trammels in this guy.

MARISHA: Okay, 8d4s.

LIAM: (counting) 64, plus the psychic. 69 with Whisper.

MATT: 69 points of damage. All righty.

LIAM: And I will bamf there.

MATT: All right, so with that you appear directly into Vecna’s face. The blade still clasped in your hand almost, where you appear next to it. It’s jammed right into the clavicle area, and as it broke through you can see the glowing energy within the ribcage flashes bright with anger as the eye bursts forth. Where once it was this crackling arcane energy, there’s now a visible giant green flame billowing out like an angry fire, (flames crackling).

LAURA: You’ve got one.

LIAM: I do, but it’s weak. I’ll use my last bonus action to stab again. With Whisper. 28. To hit.

MATT: Hits.

LIAM: (counting) 20.

MATT: 20 points of damage will be the final attack. All right. That ends your turn? All right, so who’s at low hit points?

SAM: Everybody?

TRAVIS: No.

MARISHA: What constitutes as low?

MATT: Well here, how many hit points do you have?

SAM: Are you going to use it to kill me, Matt?

MATT: Vecna can see through your physical forms.

SAM: 32 hit points.

TALIESIN: 59.

MARISHA: 131.

LIAM: 129.

LAURA: 70.

TRAVIS: 224.

ASHLEY: 36.

MATT: 36, all righty. All right, he’s going to use his third, or sorry, his final legendary action for this round to cast Firebolt at you, Scanlan.

SAM: I cannot protect against that. I have no Counterspell that reaches him. Right?

MATT: At this moment, no. That is an eight plus 16, that is a 24 to hit.

SAM: That hits.

MATT: All right. You suffer 23 points of fire damage.

SAM: Great.

MATT: All righty. So at the end of Vax’s turn, that brings us to the 20 initiative count. At this point in time–

TRAVIS: J'mon’s still in the cage?

MATT: J'mon is smashing into the sides of the Forcecage and looking around at the rest of you guys, unable to escape.

SAM: Doesn’t have Teleport?

MATT: Not all dragons are spellcasters.

TRAVIS: And we can’t dispel it, right? I’ll dispel it.

MATT: All right, so. Five skeletons rise up from the ground.

LIAM: Oh no!

TRAVIS: Around Scanlan? LIAM: Oh, death saves, handing out death saves.

MARISHA: Why are they all around Scanlan? Percy’s there!

LIAM: They’re getting ready to do the finishing move on him.

LAURA: They’re going to try to take him out.

LIAM: Take him out, and then stab him while he’s down.

MATT: So first attack, natural two. That misses. Second one, natural four. That’s 11?

SAM: Nope.

MATT: Third attack, natural two. Luck is working in your favor, so far. Fourth attack, that’s going to be a 19.

SAM: That hits.

MATT: Six points of slashing damage.

TALIESIN: You’re still up!

MATT: Final attack is six plus seven, that’s 13. What’s your AC?

SAM: 14.

MATT: Oh, shit! So these skeletons are swarming you, hacking and swinging away, trying their best to finish you off, and you barely dodge through some of them–

LAURA: He’s so little the skeletons are swinging above him!

SAM: I’m at three.

MATT: At this point in time, you glance over and see a fist grab the rock side of one of these platforms–

SAM: No, it doesn’t!

MATT: You watch as a second gauntleted fist hits the side, and climbing up over the edge of one of these platforms you see immediately the red-scaled face and horned body of a heavily-wounded but still-living Arkhan making his way up onto the platform.

(cheering)

TALIESIN: Oh, let’s go! This is on. It’s fucking on.

MARISHA: You’re not going to kill another of our friends in front of us, are you?

LIAM: Vox Machina, This. Is. Your Life!

JOE: You didn’t think I was going to miss this party, did you? Sorry I was late.

MARISHA: Joe, don’t die.

MATT: You watch as one of the hands removes itself from the building, and you can see this translucent set of chromatic wings that are drifting off of the giant, armored dragonborn’s shoulders.

LAURA: You’ve got wings?

JOE: I had a flight potion. Red Bull.

MARISHA: Gives you wings!

JOE: Thank you, Mike Mearls, by the way.

SAM: Bro-barians.

JOE: The bros are back!

TRAVIS: Let’s go.

MARISHA: (singing) The bros are back in town!

MATT: What do you want to do? It took most of your flight to get to this point. You have another action, though.

JOE: I have another action.

MATT: Well you have an action and a bonus action.

LAURA: Where are you at, Arkhan?

TALIESIN: Right down there.

JOE: I’m down on the ground?

SAM: Super far from the guy.

JOE: I am super far. Okay. Did my friend get my signal?

MATT: He hasn’t arrived yet.

JOE: Okay.

SAM: (whispers) That’s what he calls his dick!

JOE: Then I guess I’m going to–

MATT: There are still two gloomstalkers also that are about to take their turn.

JOE: Okay. So I can fly 60?

MATT: Yes. But you’ve used your movement. You’d have to use your action to dash.

JOE: Use my action to get up there. Okay. Then I am going to get within– Okay, 60 and a bonus action? So could I get up to him and then use a bonus attack?

MATT: He’s unfortunately more than 60 feet away from you. Yeah, you can get to about this point with a full 60 movement.

SAM: Can you throw anything? Cast anything?

JOE: I could throw a javelin. One of those fun little javelins.

SAM: There’s also a bunch of pop-up undeads around us if you want to mop them up.

JOE: How high is he up from about there?

MATT: At a glance, close to 80 feet.

JOE: 80. Okay. Then I’ve got to get up to where Pike is.

MATT: Okay. So dash action? Using these chromatic wings granted by the flight potion and the dramatic effect of Tiamat’s blessing, you manage to glide up next to Pike, both of you with your very opposite visual of god-granted wings, side to side. You see Pike with singe marks on her face, her hair tousled, the bludgeoning causing blood to pour from the side of her ears and the corner of her mouth. You look over at Arkhan next to you, part of his flesh has been necrotically burned away and you can see heavy wounds. It looks like he’s sustained a bit of a heavy fray with the death knight, but he’s not being followed at the moment.

JOE: So I hold up the helmet of the death knight and the head of Delilah, and drop them down into the crack in front of them. And I guess I’m going to try to throw a javelin.

MATT: As a bonus action?

JOE: As my frenzied bonus action.

MATT: Okay, yeah.

TRAVIS: Hell, yeah. Why not? We got it, man.

JOE: Okay, that’s a 20 to hit.

MATT: 20 to hit? Unfortunately, it hits the front of Vecna’s body, and you watch as the javelin splinters apart into a hundred different pieces of wood and metal.

JOE: Javelins not so good.

SAM: You got any healing, you got any bonuses, you got anything?

JOE: Not like the healing bonuses– reactions.

TRAVIS: We look like healing bonus people to you?

MATT: Both of these guys arc upward, gloomstalkers. This guy here is going to shriek. He gives out this horrible sound. As it swings out, I need wisdom saving throws from both Scanlan–

LAURA: We’re immune to fear and you have advantage on any wisdom saving throws.

MATT: This isn’t a fear-based thing.

TALIESIN: Is it magic?

MATT: It is magic.

TALIESIN: All right, so I have advantage. Natural 20.

TRAVIS: Come on, snitch. More of that.

SAM: 13.

MATT: Okay. Wait, you have Freedom of Action cast on you, right?

SAM: Yeah. Freedom of Movement.

MATT: It’s a paralyzation effect. It has no effect.

TALIESIN: Yeah. I can’t be paralyzed anyway.

MATT: Nope. So this one, however, is going to land and is going to try make an assault on you,

Percival. That’s going to be 28 to hit?

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, that hits.

MATT: You suffer 17 points of piercing damage and seven necrotic. 24 total. It’s going to also claw you. And that’s a 21 to hit.

TALIESIN: That also hits.

MATT: Take 13 points of slashing damage.

TALIESIN: All right, so that’s (counting) 22. I’m at 22 hit points. That’s fine. I can handle that.

MATT: All righty. That is going to bring us to Keyleth.

MARISHA: Okay. Still in our synchronised swimming stance, I fly up and–

MATT: So you fly up from this point. Got to pull you up a bit.

MARISHA: I’m going to drop Grog onto Vecna and then do my own thing.

MATT: Okay. So you fly up. Grog, what are you doing at this point?

TRAVIS: I’m going to use that held action to attack twice.

MATT: Okay. You’ll be falling if she drops you.

TRAVIS: No. My first attack is going to be a grapple and with the second attack, I’m going to shank him.

MATT: Roll an athletics check.

MARISHA: Can I give him a little bit of a boost?

MATT: Yeah. Totally.

MARISHA: Okay!

TRAVIS: 23.

MATT: 23? Rolled a 16 plus five. That’s a 21. So you succeed!

SAM: Wait. He’s grappled?

MATT: Well I mean, grappled is not going to stop him–

SAM: He’s immune to grapple.

MATT: No, he’s not immune to grapple. But it does not stop his movement because of his size. But you’re attached to him. So currently, at the moment, you are locked into Vecna’s current little– I’ll put you there.

LAURA: Just hanging out.

TRAVIS: And instead of a d10, I’ll hit him with a one-handed versatile d8. Reckless. Natural 20.

(cheers and laughter)

SAM: Is that a–

LIAM and TRAVIS: Natural 20.

SAM: That’s a crit! That’s a critical roll?

MARISHA: Oh man, it took 114 episodes that we finally have a title name drop in our show. It’s a critical roll.

MATT: It’s just crazy.

SAM: Trammel that shit.

TRAVIS: 14 plus 12. Help me.

LIAM: 26!

TRAVIS: 26. Thank you. 26 plus 14 is–

JOE: 40.

SAM: Oh shit!

LIAM: You’ve said that like 17 times.

SAM: I’ve had advantage on all saving throws this whole time and I haven’t been using it.

JOE: How many of those things do you have?

SAM: From the Blessing of the Knowing Mistress!

MARISHA: Don’t forget your blessings!

SAM: That wouldn’t have been any better.

TRAVIS: 58, 64.

MATT: 64. With a one-handed strike, right? Just a d8?

SAM: Oh! Is that necrotic? What is it, bludgeoning?

TRAVIS: 68, 76–

MATT: It’s the brutal critical, right?

TRAVIS: There’s one more after the 76.

MATT: Well it’s only two dice, technically. Because you took levels in fighter. That was my fault last time.

TRAVIS: 81.

MATT: 81 points of damage.

SAM: How much were necrotic?

MATT: None of them. It’s all slashing. Sword of Kas!

TRAVIS: One thing.

MATT: Kill fucking Vecna. As Keyletar lifts and thrusts you upward, you reach out and as Vecna tries to dodge out of the way, you manage to grab onto the side of the ribcage. As you’re clutching on the side of it, and by the way, the rib itself is this wide around your hand, although with your titan form, your fingers barely close around it. You swing and dangle, and as you do, you take the blade and jam it right up into where the force of the greenish energy in the chest where the ribcage is, and as you strike it, there’s a burst of energy out from inside out of him, and Vecna screams as the sword at the back of your mind goes, “Yes!” You guys watch at this point to those who are close by, the red glow of the coal-like glow in Grog’s eyes, the vampiric eyes are flaring now as the anger of the sword is now synchronizing with his hatred. As you jam it inside, the burst pushes the blade out, but now you can see another little sparkle of light within the inside of that pulsing glow in his chest. You can see now, three distinct, currently available weaknesses in his avatar form. However, he will continue to heal and if he heals, those begin to close. So yes?

MARISHA: Okay. So after he does that, Keyletar is going to swing around and find another one of those openings and I’m going to take my greatsword and do my multi-attack and jam it right into one of his openings and open it up a little wider. Got to get it nice and good.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Okay. Getting it nice and good! Okay, so first attack– opal dice, don’t fuck me. You always fuck me. 18.

SAM: You get a plus four on something, right?

MARISHA: Yeah, on attacks too! (gasps) 22?

MATT: 22 just misses. His AC is 23.

MARISHA: We learned something! Second attack, got to roll better than a fucking four! That definitely hits.

MATT: All right, so go and roll your damage on that.

MARISHA: Okay. 4d6 plus seven, and then I get 4d6. I don’t do this normally. Okay, six, ten, 15 plus another 5d8 radiant damage.

SAM: Ooh, that’s a lot!

MARISHA: Mm-hmm, because I’m a planetar!

SAM: Pat Planetar.

MARISHA: Not bad! Eight, five is 13. Another seven is 20. Ones, not for sword damage. 22 and another six, 28!

LAURA: 28 plus 15.

MATT: 28 plus 15?

JOE: That’s 43.

MATT: Ooh. 43 points of damage. So as you strike with the first swing of the greatsword, as it strikes across, it hits the side of the armor and bones and cleaves off, no impact. But you use that momentum to swing it around and jam it up towards one of the open wounds, right where the blast in the shoulder was, that Percy left earlier and was then opened by the rest of the party. As you jam it inside, you can feel the heat of the bursting arcane energy from the inside of his body, his avatar form fighting with every bit of impact and the proximity’s almost beginning to hurt your face, but as you can see, a pretty decent wound.

MARISHA: All right. That’s my turn, I guess.

LAURA: Oh! You have to take 4d6 radiant damage because you hit me with a meteor shower.

MATT: That’s true! You can roll that for me.

SAM: This guy’s getting hurt!

TALIESIN: Yeah, but he keeps healing–

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Trammel time.

ASHLEY: Is he looking rough?

(laughter)

MATT: Other than those openings on his body, doesn’t look too bad. But he looks pretty rough to begin with, because he’s a lich. It’s hard to tell.

LAURA: Ten damage. Radiant damage.

LIAM and MARISHA: Stop. Trammel time!

MATT: All righty. That ends Keyleth’s turn. Percival, you’re up.

TALIESIN: I’m in melee with this thing? I’m going to take a shot at him with the sword. I’m going to give it a swing. Well this is fine. It’s my sword. So it’s a 21 to hit.

MATT: That hits. Go and roll damage.

TALIESIN: All right, I’m going to drop two points of Cabal’s Ruin, or at least one point of Cabal’s Ruin. I want to try and end this shit.

MARISHA: Who are you fighting? The zombies?

TALIESIN: No, the birds. That’s 13 points of damage plus one lightning.

MATT: Okay. As you swing the sword around, you see it bite at you and you take your hand. Using Diplomacy as a gauntlet to protect you, you grab the side of its face and push the snapping jaws to the side, and using that opening, you take the blade and slip it up into its throat and it immediately collapses. You duck out of the way as its body falls, lifeless to the ground.

TALIESIN: Next thing I’m going to do is take a shot at that terrible thing over there. And I’m going to burn a grit for advantage and hopefully get it back by killing it dead. Here we go. Thank god I did, because that was terrible. 25 to hit? And I’m also going to put one more Cabal’s Ruin into that, just to put him down.

TRAVIS: It’s a good system, right?

JOE: I’m in shock.

TALIESIN: That’s 16 points of damage, two points of psychic damage, and two points of lightning damage.

MATT: The second one has suffered enough damage to be picked off, and part of its jaw gets blasted off, and it melts into that liquid black smoke-like disappearing ether.

TALIESIN: For my third action, oh god, I’m going to run down a little bit. I’m going to try and get three of these guys in a line.

MATT: Okay, so you’re moving down this way?

TALIESIN: Just a little bit. I’m going to be one space away. I’m not going around that way, but I’m going to try to back around.

MATT: This way? Okay, yeah, you can move over here.

TALIESIN: I don’t want to get too far away, because I’m not done with my movement. I’m trying to get the shot as I run.

MATT: That’s 20 feet, and you can fire and hit three of these skeletons in one shot.

TALIESIN: I’m going to drop a grit for a line shot. Piercing shot.

MARISHA: Yas, grit, yas.

LAURA: And then get three grits back if they die.

TALIESIN: I know.

MARISHA: Get it, son!

TALIESIN: That’s a hit. That’s 31 to hit.

MATT: Roll damage.

TALIESIN: That first one is ten points of damage and three points of psychic.

MATT: That’s just enough to take them out. The first one is destroyed, and the damage is maintained. Roll for the hit on the next two.

TALIESIN: That’s 22 to hit, and then dear fucking god.

LAURA: Oh no, Scanlan!

MATT: I know.

SAM: Don’t worry, he’s going to die in that surround anyway.

MARISHA: No, shut your mouth.

TALIESIN: And I get all my grit back.

MARISHA: Which is hot.

JOE: You’ve got a little shielded person.

LAURA: Don’t you have a healing potion left?

SAM: Yeah, sure. 4d4? That’ll do great.

MATT: Final roll? This guy’s also in the line.

TALIESIN: That was 38 to hit.

MATT: They all three from one shot. It goes through their various spinal columns, causing them to shatter across the stone and slide off the side.

TALIESIN: I’m going to run in next to Scanlan and as my bonus action, hand him a superior healing potion. Can I not get quite there? Oh, in that case, if I didn’t have time, keep a little closer to the orb.

MARISHA: The most expensive healing potion.

SAM: Is it organic?

TALIESIN: In that case, for my bonus, I’m going to take a healing potion. What is a superior worth?

LAURA: 8d4?

MARISHA: 8d4 plus eight.

JOE: I know because I took one on the way up, after the death knight.

MATT: All right, so as you’re doing this, Percival, Scanlan, you glance down and can see into the city of Vasselheim, at this point. Large columns of smoke are spilling up from the city. You can see at various temples, there appear to be various clusters of divine energies beginning to emit. It looks like there are clerical groups that are in the process of trying to conjure or find ways to protect the city, but at that moment, you can see a dozen or so angelic entities that have been summoned by one of these temples swarming in as about 25 gloomstalkers swipe in, and they begin to harry each other. At that moment, you watch as a giant arm of the titan swings upward and annihilates pretty much all of them in one swing: gloomstalkers and devas alike. All smashed and scattered in one swipe of the arm, as another one immediately with the momentum slams down into the city of Vasselheim, and the whole area below begins to shake, though you guys are currently tethered by these platforms; you don’t feel the impact, but you see the city around and hear the empty, echoing impact of that fist on the ground.

LIAM: Screams of thousands?

MATT: Yes. All right, that ends Percy’s turn. Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: I’m up?

MATT: Yep.

TALIESIN: Get some healing and stuff, boy.

SAM: Who’s near me? Can I inspire Pike?

MATT: She’s just in range. She’s 55 feet from you.

SAM: I don’t know what she’s planning on doing, but I’m hoping it’s something to help me. What?

ASHLEY: What do I get? A d4?

SAM: I will inspire you. I guess for my bonus, I should take a healing potion. For my bonus, I’ll take a superior healing, which is what?

MATT: 8d4 plus eight.

SAM: 8d4? It’s too much to roll.

LIAM: You’re carrying the football, man.

JOE: Nice reference.

LIAM: Once a year, I can do that. It takes a year to rest.

JOE: Welcome to Jocks Machina.

SAM: 25.

MATT: 25 plus eight, so 33.

SAM: That’s a lot!

MATT: That’s your bonus?

SAM: You said 33?

LAURA: That’s good!

SAM: What was I at before? One. I was at one.

MATT: Yes, you were.

SAM: Am I prone or anything? I’m about to get hit by a goblin or something, aren’t I?

TALIESIN: There are two skeletons. They’ll go down quick.

SAM: I’ll hold my action until after Pike’s turn.

MATT: What action are you holding?

SAM: Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere, at level five.

MARISHA: On you?

SAM: On me.

MATT: (laughter) Okay. All righty.

MARISHA: Good call.

SAM: I have to stay alive.

MATT: Pike, it’s your turn.

ASHLEY: All right. Mass Cure Wounds.

TRAVIS: Mass Cure Wounds?

ASHLEY: Yes. Am I within 60 feet–

SAM: Who’s near me?

ASHLEY: Percy, Scanlan, Vex?

MATT: Let me find out real fast here. Mass Cure Wounds. Up to six creatures within a 30-foot radius sphere within 60 feet, so you could cast the sphere– it’s a 30-foot radius sphere, so you could get yourself, Arkhan, Percival, and Scanlan in it, if you wanted to.

LAURA: That’s good.

ASHLEY: Great. Done. Doing it.

SAM: What’s that? What do we add?

MATT: 3d8 plus her wisdom modifier. Plus ten.

SAM: She rolls.

MATT: Yeah, she rolls.

SAM: From New York. This is a 3,000 mile–

LAURA: In the future, you play D&D across states.

MARISHA: Across states, yeah.

SAM: Is she playing with lasers because it’s the future? Remember when Mary and Will were here?

TRAVIS: And then they got frozen.

LIAM: How excited we were.

MATT: Sorry.

ASHLEY: 40 points.

SAM: How much?

ASHLEY: 40.

ALL: Whoa!

MATT: 40 points to all of you guys.

MARISHA: That’s good.

SAM: My action is triggered. I’m in a ball, and I’m pushing against it so I don’t roll off the edge.

TALIESIN: Can you put the ball slightly into the ground, or no?

SAM: I don’t know. I don’t know how balls work.

MATT: I disagree, sir.

TRAVIS: All the women in Exandria disagree.

LIAM: Not in my experience.

JOE: To whoever’s doing my little bar at the bottom: I came in with 111 hit points. I now have 151. In case you’re doing this thing down here.

SAM: I’ve never seen a show. We have bars down here?

ASHLEY: I still wanted to move a bit and do a bonus.

LAURA: Where do you want to move, Pike?

ASHLEY: Could I hover on top of land? I want to stay in the air, but hover on top of land, please.

MATT: Sure.

LAURA: You want to be right below where you were, basically?

ASHLEY: I want to stay the same height, but if for some reason I fell, there would be land. And then as a bonus action, I’m going to take a superior healing potion that I have. And that will be my turn.

MATT: That ends Pike’s turn. That brings us back to the top of the round, which is Vecna’s turn. Gets his legendary actions back. All right.

TALIESIN: He’s still Hunter’s Marked, which is remarkable.

MATT: Actually, I need you to make a concentration check.

TALIESIN: I’m so sorry. I said that out loud. Goddamn it.

LAURA: What do I add to it?

MATT: How much damage did you take from Meteor Swarm?

LAURA: I can’t remember. It was 30 plus 30 or something. It was halves of everything.

MATT: So a 32, we’ll say is the DC.

LAURA: And I add it to what, my constitution?

MATT: It’s a constitution saving throw.

LAURA: No. 17.

MATT: Your Hunter’s Mark is gone.

LAURA: You know what? It’s fine.

MATT: Thank you for the reminder.

SAM: Give Matt a couple.

LAURA: It should have been gone.

SAM: Man, this fight is crazy.

MATT: Vecna, who is clustered in this space, seeing the sphere appear down below, and realizing the issue of the immediate vicinity, is going to cast a 6th-level Circle of Death right in the space where he’s at.

TRAVIS: I’m going to use my reaction with Mage Slayer to make a melee weapon attack against him. And he will have disadvantage on his saving throw to maintain his spell, if it is a concentration.

MATT: It isn’t a concentration check.

LIAM: But you still get to fuck him up.

MATT: I need a constitution saving throw from Keyleth, Vax, and Grog.

TRAVIS: And I have advantage on this.

MARISHA: Is this a spell, so I have advantage, as well?

MATT: It’s a spell, yes.

TRAVIS: What kind of a save?

MATT: It’s constitution, so you would not have advantage, technically, right?

TRAVIS: I have advantage because of Mage Slayer. It finally came into effect.

MARISHA: 16 plus seven.

MATT: 23. Does not succeed.

MARISHA: 23 still doesn’t succeed?

LAURA: No, it’s 26 you have to succeed against.

TRAVIS: I rolled a 26, exactly. On the dot. Right there.

LIAM: Natural 20 plus eight, so 28. I used luck to get it.

MATT: Gotcha. So that’s half damage. That will be 10d6.

TALIESIN: It’s not going to be that bad.

MATT: That’s going to be 41 points of necrotic damage, reduced to 20 to all three of you, because you saved.

MARISHA: I take the full 49?

LIAM: 41.

MARISHA: 41.

LAURA: Are you immune or resistant to necrotic as a planetar?

MARISHA: No. I’m resistant to radiant.

TRAVIS: I’m going to make that melee attack against him. Reckless, bitch. Oh, so close to a 19. Damn it!

LAURA and SAM: Go, Philip!

MARISHA: Holy shit.

TRAVIS: 38.

SAM: Liam, thanks for introducing me to Dungeons & Dragons.

LIAM: Do you like it?

SAM: I’m beginning to like it.

TRAVIS: I rerolled the second one because I reroll ones and twos.

MATT: That ends your reaction.

SAM: (whispering) He doesn’t know what to do.

TALIESIN: No, he doesn’t know which of his toys to play with.

JOE: (whispering) He’s got so much good stuff, he doesn’t know what to do.

SAM: He has level ten spells.

MATT: All righty. You used your reaction. Doesn’t want to take another sneak attack from you. He’s going to stay, because you guys moved too close right now. He’s going to stay right there. He’s right now grinning. You can see the flame bursting out of his left socket, the hand pulsing with power.

SAM: Yeah, can’t move.

LAURA: Where are we at? Whose turn is it?

MATT: End of Vecna’s turn. You’re up.

MARISHA: Pike, Grog, and Vax.

TRAVIS: Trammel round, right? Do I need to roll to maintain my grapple?

MATT: No, he just needs to break the grapple.

LAURA: Trammel him!

TRAVIS: I’m going to take the trammel out of the bag of holding.

MATT: That’s a valid point, actually. I should have remembered that, and I’ll do this as the current circumstance. Because he does have the hand returned to him, each of you should have taken 2d8 cold damage for each hit. I forgot to mark that on the sheet.

LIAM: We’ve dropped a lot of damage, as well.

MARISHA: For melee? Melee hits? I got one on him.

MATT: That’s nine points of cold damage to you, Keyleth. We’ll put you at 11 points of cold damage, nine points of cold damage, and another ten points of cold damage for you.

LIAM: Wait, what’s the total for me? Nine, ten, and 11 all to me? Okay.

MATT: And then Grog, since this is the first time you’ve hit him in melee, that’s been twice, so that’s ten points of cold damage, reduced to five, and five reduced to two. Every single time you melee hit him, you take 2d8 cold damage. That was my fault for not remembering that.

LIAM: Every time we hit him.

MATT: Yep. In melee.

MARISHA: Everyone’s remembering their blessings and all the cool shit they do?

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Pike, you have a cool blessing. Is it doing everything?

LAURA: She’s flying.

MARISHA: You fly and you heal better. You’re pretty good.

TRAVIS: All right, we’re going to kick this off. I’ll take the trammel out of the bag of holding.

LAURA: Do it!

TRAVIS: I’m going to aim for one of those green openings and fucking try and shove that bitch in his torso.

MATT: You have the wound there, you have the inside of the green energy force there, and then you have one on the side of the head.

TRAVIS: Well, I’m holding onto his rib, right? Can I get his head?

MATT: You could probably climb up a bit and go for it, because you’re pretty big.

JOE: Muscle up.

TRAVIS: I do a strict muscle.

JOE: On an axle bar, too.

TRAVIS: Yeah, the thick fucker.

MATT: Roll a strength check.

MARISHA: Jocks Machina.

MATT: You have advantage because you’re raging, yeah.

MARISHA: Come on, Grog.

TRAVIS: We’re okay, kids. We’re okay. It is a 20, even.

MATT: 20 is the DC for applying a trammel on a strength check.

TRAVIS: That shit takes years off my life, y'all.

MATT: It’s not athletics. It’s whatever your strength modifier is.

TRAVIS: Just strength. Thank god for the Titanstone Knuckles.

MATT: As you climb up, you pull out the trammel. He had the Raven Queen. Who has Ioun’s trammel?

LAURA: Pike has Ioun’s. You have mine, right? And then the Raven Queen’s is the janky one.

MATT: Ioun didn’t have a trammel. Sarenrae never gave one. It was Ioun. Yeah, so Pike has Ioun.

LAURA: He has Pelor, and he has the Raven Queen.

MATT: As you climb up, you take the trammel, its large, spiraling platinum form. Shout and jam it as hard as you can into the opening on the side of the head. As he turns to look at you, the flame burning, the trammel pierces into the side of Vecna’s massive skull and temple. As it buries in, you can feel the flames from the impact burning around your fingers, as if the very surface of the sun is threatening to burn your hand off. The pain is extreme, but you push through it, and as you jam it, you can feel it spiraling in, and you turn it and twist. As it digs in, Vecna (roars) gives out this horrible screaming yell, and as it pulls in, you watch as the very end of it seems to glow with this bright, yellowish sun-like light. It’s locked into place.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MARISHA: Oh my god, we’ve started this.

TRAVIS: That was one. I have another attack.

MATT: That’s your action.

TRAVIS: I have my hasted action. Is there any point in hitting him?

SAM: Yeah, because he can heal!

TRAVIS: I’ll make another reckless attack against him. That’s 28 to hit.

MATT: 28 to hit? All righty.

TRAVIS: (counting) 32. That’s 32 points.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: And I will burn my only action surge to whale away some more.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TRAVIS: Reckless. This is two more attacks?

MATT: Two more attacks.

TRAVIS: Damn it! Come on, fucker, hit. 33 to hit.

MATT: 33 hits.

TRAVIS: 24, 29, 36. 38 points on the first one. Last reckless. Natural 20.

MATT: Jesus Christ.

SAM: No way. That’s going to be a lot of damage.

TRAVIS: Just one-handed, so it’s a d8. Doubled, though.

MARISHA: Oh, Pike is after Scanlan.

TALIESIN: Scanlan can hold his action.

MARISHA: Scanlan could hold his action.

SAM: Scanlan is going to hold his action.

TRAVIS: And two damage dice. 57. 61.

MATT: 61?

TRAVIS: Not as high as the other one. There were some low ones. Actually, that second to last one was a one. That’s an eight, so 68.

MATT: As the sword is cleaving into the side as you’re holding the trammel now for support, jamming at it, you can hear the laughter in the back of your head. “How does it feel? I will usurp you. I will take you. I will be you!”

TRAVIS: What, now?

SAM: That is the sound of the craziest bat house ever.

TRAVIS: That’s my turn.

MATT: That ends your turn? All right, at the end of Grog’s turn, he’s going to use two legendary actions here. What’s everyone’s hit points right now?

SAM: Mine is a big fat zero around me, because I’m protected.

JOE: 151.

TALIESIN: 88.

MATT: Keyleth, what’s your hit points?

MARISHA: Currently, 81 as a planetar.

LIAM: I’m at 78.

LAURA: 70.

MATT: Grog?

TRAVIS: 197.

MATT: Pike?

ASHLEY: 106.

MATT: Okay. Let’s see here. Yeah, let’s do Finger of Death. Why not?

TRAVIS: Don’t be so fucking casual about it!

SAM: Sorry, guys. Can’t save you.

MATT: It’s going to be at Vex.

ASHLEY: Oh, come on.

TRAVIS: No.

LAURA: I have plus four to saves, if I have to roll a save.

TRAVIS: I already used my reaction to hit him.

LAURA: We have advantage on saving throws.

MARISHA: You have Death Ward going.

MATT: That’s going to be a constitution saving throw, if you don’t mind.

LAURA: Constitution.

ASHLEY: Come on, baby.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: And you’re blessed.

MATT: Bless is concentration, correct?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Make a constitution saving throw to see if you maintained it.

LIAM: 26.

MATT: Okay, so I’ll let you do that. What did you roll?

LAURA: 23.

MATT: 23. That does not succeed, unfortunately. You take 64 points of necrotic damage.

LAURA: I’m resistant to necrotic damage because of my blessing!

MATT: You are.

TRAVIS: You’re in! Okay. You’re good!

MATT: 32 points of damage.

SAM: Oh wow. That Finger of Death.

JOE: That was the bless, right there.

MATT: All right, Vex, it’s your turn.

LAURA: I fucking hate Finger of Death!

SAM: It’s the worst!

LAURA: And I’m going to Hunter’s Mark him! And I’m going to hit him! I’m going to try, at least.

TRAVIS: How many hit points Vecna got left?

LAURA: Instead of Hunter’s Mark, I probably should have taken a superior healing. I probably should have done that. Yeah, can I counter? Can I un-Hunter’s Mark him and take a superior healing? I already said it. It’s fine if I already said it. I said it! Okay. Fuck it, I’m going to try to sharpshooter him, because everybody’s up there.

SAM: Come on, ranger. Be a ranger.

LAURA: 31 plus three is 34, minus five to hit.

MATT: Yeah, that hits. Roll damage. Vax, you’re up next.

LAURA: Oh, and I get sneak attack because there’s a bunch of people on him. Okay.

SAM: Responsibility?

LIAM: Don’t worry about it.

SAM: What responsibility? We’re all carefree Joes and Jills here, right?

TRAVIS: Do you want to talk to Vecna about maybe melee hitting me?

LAURA: 39 damage.

MATT: That’s your first arrow?

LAURA: That’s my first arrow, and I’m going to try to do the same thing again.

TALIESIN: He takes radiant damage when he hits Vex now.

LAURA: He does take 4d6. Thank you. 13 points of radiant damage. And I’m going to try to hit him again with sharpshooter. 28. I moved that. I’m going to roll it again, because I didn’t see what it was. 29 minus five is 24 to hit?

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: That’s cocked.

JOE: Shout out to John Castle for winning the dead pool backstage. He guessed Scanlan Two correctly.

LIAM: Question for the DM: Before, when I was watching him shove the Pelor trammel in, did it look like it took a lot of muscle, specifically, to get it in there?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: 18 was the second attack damage. And I’m going to hop on my broom. I’m already on my broom. I’m going to fly so I can get closer. I’ll hover here. I want to be closer to Pike. Is it possible to get across to the other side?

MATT: You can move 50 feet on the broom, so you can get about here. You won’t be able to get all the way over.

LAURA: Could I get here? Am I within range of Pike, then? 60 feet? I’m higher than I would be.

MATT: You can try. You can coast to about here.

LAURA: Okay. I’m going to be about that height, but I want to be over the edge.

MATT: Okay. That ends your turn, Vex?

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: All righty. Let’s see here. He’s going to spend two points to cast another spell.

TRAVIS: He’s used four this round.

LAURA: Who did Arkhan come in after?

TRAVIS: Vax.

LAURA: Did we skip your turn the last time?

JOE: I had to move.

SAM: Is J'mon doing macrame in there?

MATT: J'mon is trying to find a way, or hoping for an exit from here.

LAURA: Raging for 12 seconds, really.

MATT: He’s going to cast Disintegrate down onto your orb, Scanlan.

SAM: Don’t worry, it can resist anything!

MATT: Except for Disintegrate.

SAM: (screams)

TRAVIS: And there it goes, just like that.

MATT: The sphere dissipates around Scanlan.

SAM: I feel so naked.

TRAVIS: What level spell was that?

MATT: Disintegrate was a 6th-level.

SAM: Great. Burn those spells.

TRAVIS: He’s got a bunch more.

MATT: That brings us to Vax.

MARISHA: Goddamn. I don’t know what to do, man.

LIAM: I pull out the trammel. Do you have a free hand? Or a belt? Yeah, you’ve got a belt.

TRAVIS: Do I have a free hand?

LAURA: Your hand would be open.

MATT: You had the sword out right now in the other hand.

LIAM: So no free hand. Can I use the hasted action to shove my trammel into his belt?

LAURA: Or into the bag of holding?

LIAM: Or anywhere?

MATT: I’ll let you do that as a hasted action.

LIAM: The Raven Queen’s trammel. I did a perception check and got a 28.

MATT: You did see, it was a fair amount of strength it entailed to apply.

LIAM: Yeah. And then I’m going to– (sighs) fuck, I’m going to get in his face again and use paladin attack-attack. That’s 29 to hit, the first. Keep him hurting. (counting)

TRAVIS: Scanlan, how’s your athletics?

LIAM: 33 for the first attack. Second attack is a 21, so I think that misses. And then I’ve got a bonus action left. I’m going to stay where I am, and I have a regular healing potion. I’m going to down that. That’s 4d4 plus four, right?

MATT: All righty. At the end of your turn, he’s going to use his fifth and final legendary action to cast Firebolt at Scanlan again. That is a 34.

SAM: I take off my hat and gladly accept the fire.

MATT: 22 points of fire damage.

MARISHA: Can we survive one more round? Because if not, I can grab that thing from your belt and try to go for it, Pike can get there in time, and he can do the thing.

TALIESIN: Are you okay?

SAM: I’m alive.

TALIESIN: That’ll do.

MARISHA: If not, we try and survive one more round for you to get it in. I’m nervous I’m going to fuck this thing up.

TRAVIS: Are you going to try to do this now?

MARISHA: I’ve got plus seven to my strength. I’ve got to roll 13 or higher.

TRAVIS: Mine is plus eight.

MARISHA: But he gets advantage.

MATT: Vax, is that the end of your turn? That brings us to the 20th count. The stones are going to shift.

LAURA: Oh no, it’s moving again!

MARISHA: Strength checks?

TALIESIN: Strength modifier.

JOE: I’m even on strength checks, I think.

SAM: Who moved? Oh, the stones moved?

MATT: The tendrils are still holding them in place as they’re slowly rotating and shifting around the battlefield. Skeletons are going to both attack you, Scanlan.

SAM: Sure, man. Bring it.

MATT: That is a 14, so you take seven points of slashing damage. And that is a natural 19, so you take another seven points of slashing damage. 14 total.

TALIESIN: That’s the end of those skeletons, though. They’re about to go away.

MATT: All righty. Arkhan, your turn.

JOE: I fly straight up into this motherfucker.

SAM: Yes, Arkhan!

JOE: My magical dragon wings.

SAM: I was a guest at Archon once. Pretty good convention.

TALIESIN: St. Louis, right?

JOE: It’s nice that they named a convention after me. Great. I’m going to strike with Fane-Eater.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Okay. You’re strong.

JOE: 23.

MATT: 23 just hits.

TRAVIS: AC is 23.

JOE: I only have a few 1st-level spells. I’m pumping a 1st-level divine smite, so we’re going 2d8 for level one, 1d8 for undead. Okay. 2d8 for my axe.

MATT: You guys are keeping these other wounds from sealing up.

LIAM: We are picking his scabs.

SAM: When Grog attacked with the trammel, it was a strength check?

MATT: Yes.

JOE: 37 points of damage. Strike number two. Natural 20!

(cheering)

TRAVIS: Fuck yeah!

JOE: Fuck yes. I’ve wanted to crit with this axe so bad. Great. On a crit, I roll an extra 2d8 that are necrotic, but whatever. We can use anything we can get. I will pump another 1st-level smite into that one, so it’s going to be 5d8 plus 2d8 necrotic.

LIAM: I’d like to point out that we have two barbarians and two paladins up here right now.

SAM: We had two bards.

JOE: Does the necrotic double? Because it’s double all dice?

MATT: Oh, for the critical? The dice would, as well.

JOE: The dice would, as well. Okay, great. All right.

SAM: What do you think? It looks close. I don’t know, though.

JOE: 50, plus five points of necrotic, which doubles to ten.

MATT: Brings it back down to five. He is resistant to necrotic damage, so each of these necrotic hits are doing less damage. Nevertheless, it’s still 55 points of damage in one crit hit, which is awesome.

JOE: That was radiant mixed with slashing.

MATT: Right. The rest of it went through fine.

JOE: The ten goes down to five. Okay, great. Okay, for my final trick, I am frenzied. That’s going to be good. That’s going to be a 29.

MATT: 29 hits. Roll damage.

JOE: I will spend my third and final 1st-level smite. (sighs) Let’s go. Not bad.

MATT: Keyleth, you’re up next, by the way.

MARISHA: (nervous laughter) I know. Ugh, my deodorant wore off a little bit ago.

JOE: 43.

MATT: 43?

JOE: So what was that, 43 plus 55? What was the first hit?

MATT: First hit was 37.

JOE: 37?

MATT: Not a bad round.

TRAVIS: Dude, that axe is nasty.

JOE: 135. That’s my biggest round. That was 135.

SAM: Triple digits?

TRAVIS: That has only happened a handful of times on this show.

JOE: 1st-level smites.

TRAVIS: Holy crap.

MATT: A little bit of reduction because of the necrotic, but still pretty fucking nasty. Ending Arkhan’s turn, that brings us to Keyleth.

MARISHA: Am I taking yours, Grog? Are we going to try this?

LAURA: Do it.

MARISHA: Okay. All right. I reach over into Grog’s belt, grab out the trammel, and the hole that’s there–

MATT: Which one? You have the shoulder or the inside of the belly.

MARISHA: I was working at the one on the shoulder, so I’m going to go for the one I’ve been working on. Rappel over, grab it, and then rappel back in.

MATT: Okay.

JOE: I regain an equal amount of hit points off a crit with Fane-Eater. How many hit points did I get back?

MATT: Five.

JOE: It would have been ten.

MATT: Because it was resisted, you only did five damage.

JOE: So I get five back. Ooh, so I suck a little bit of his soul out.

MATT: You pull the trammel out. This is the somewhat-damaged.

SAM: Oh shit, Marisha’s trying for this one?

MARISHA: Here’s the thing. Either we do this and we try and get all of them in, and then you get it at the end of your round, or else we’ve got one more round. Oh my god. I hate this so much!

TALIESIN: Close your eyes and roll.

MATT: This spiral-crafted spike, the trammel of the Raven Queen. Your wings unfurl, and you arc over back to the shoulder where you had already dug your blade in. You can see the bursts of green arcane energy and life force of the avatar form bursting outwards. You pull back with the trammel. Roll your strength check.

MARISHA: Do you want to give me one of your dice? It’s your trammel. One of your die?

LIAM: One of my die?

TRAVIS: You’re going to go with somebody else’s die for it?

JOE: Listen, what are you feeling right now?

LAURA: Whatever you do, add your d4.

MARISHA: Is it a d4? Is it an attack?

MATT: This is an ability check.

LAURA: Never mind.

LIAM: I feel like my luck is tied up with the existence of the world, so could I give her one of my lucks?

MARISHA: Oh my god. I turn, and grabbing Vax’s die, I look over my shoulder at him.

TALIESIN: This got weird.

MARISHA: Oh my god. I hate this so much.

SAM: It’s a critical roll.

(groaning)

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: What was it?

MARISHA: A three, so ten.

MATT: Unfortunately, as you reach back and attempt to jam it into the space, Vecna’s body shifts just out of place, and as the trammel smacks into the shoulder and armor, you hear this terrible shattering sound as the trammel–

SAM: Even with the plus four? No.

MATT: It breaks in your hand. You’re one trammel down. I’m so sorry.

TALIESIN and TRAVIS: It’s okay.

LIAM: She barely even gave that shit to me. Keep going!

JOE: How many do you need?

TALIESIN: We don’t know. The more, the better.

SAM: We’re down to one.

MARISHA: If we get two in, he has a 50-50 shot.

LAURA: She might be able to pass it to Grog, too.

TALIESIN: She’s got a high strength. But we want to try to end the round.

MATT: That’s how the dice roll. It’s all good.

SAM: Bonus action. Do you want to do anything? Do you want to heal?

MATT: Bonus action or movement?

MARISHA: Bonus action. I’m a planetar. I don’t have bonus actions.

MATT: Okay, then that’s the end of Keyleth’s turn. Percy, you’re up.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take a step to my left, and I’m going to drop a grit and I’m going to take a line shot at those two skeletons and make them go the fuck away. That’s a 27 to hit.

MATT: That hits. Roll damage, and then roll for the second one.

TALIESIN: That’ll do. 15 points of damage plus five psychic.

MATT: All right. He is disintegrated, and then roll for the second one.

TALIESIN: That’s an 18?

MATT: 18? You can’t misfire on the others. It still hits. Both are destroyed.

TALIESIN: Okay. And I get my grit back. So I’m now going to back up against the wall. All we can do at this point is take two more shots at Vecna.

MATT: As you’re starting to figure out here, what the damage pressure does is it reduces the DC required to apply the trammel.

TRAVIS: The damage pressure?

MATT: Meaning the damage you guys put on prevents the trammel DC from climbing up.

LAURA: Oh, that’s good.

TALIESIN: So I’m going to take another shot. I’m burning some grit for advantage, and I’m taking a sharpshooter shot. Shot number one. Natural 20! That’ll hit. And let’s double that up. Where’s my d10? Where’s my d6? That’ll do. That’s nice. That’s (counting) 31 points of damage plus three points of psychic damage, so that’s 34, plus he’s going to have a bleed next round.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: And I get a grit back, and I’m burning my other grit for another shot.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: And yeah, that’s another crit!

MATT: 19?

TALIESIN: 19. And that’s not quite as good, but that’ll do. 26 points of damage plus five psychic damage, which he’ll also get half of that bleed next round. And I get my grit back. And I’m going to use my bonus to finally reload, because that was everything I had!

MATT: Gun is reloaded. That finishes Percival’s turn. Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Bigby’s Hand.

MARISHA: Wait, you’re not going to hold your turn?

SAM: Bigby’s Hand, level five. Lift me up, inspire Grog. That’s it.

MARISHA: And then you’ll hold your action?

SAM: That’s my action.

MATT: It’s going to carry you up. There you go.

MARISHA: I thought you were going to hold your action so you could read the book after Pike did the trammel?

MATT: It’s too late now.

SAM: We need to get the last trammel in.

MARISHA: I would have given Grog the trammel, dude!

TRAVIS: We’re not sure if Pike’s going to make it.

LAURA: Yeah, he might have to do Pike’s, too.

MATT: What are you doing?

SAM: I’m going to go up near Pike, and I’m going to inspire Grog. That’s it.

MATT: How do you inspire him?

TRAVIS: Do the Taylor Swift song.

SAM: I’m going to sing: (singing) Sunday, Monday, Sarenrae! Tuesday, Wednesday, Sarenrae! Thursday, Friday, Sarenrae! Sarenrae! She’s my bae! Praying all week for you!

MATT: Take your d12 for that, man! All right, Scanlan, that end your turn? All right, that brings us to Pike. Your turn.

ASHLEY: Okay, how far am I from my best pal Grog?

MATT: You are about 55, 60 feet from him.

ASHLEY: Can I get to him?

MATT: Not with your fly speed of 40, no. You can get to him, but it’ll be both your move and action this turn.

ASHLEY: Fuck. Can I also pass him something when I’m there?

LIAM: You can hold it out to him.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay, so I’m going to fly up as far as I can. I’m going to hold out the trammel and stick it– what? No?

TRAVIS: Yeah, you’re good.

LAURA: It’s just that Vecna gets to go between us.

JOE: That one in the middle’s about to topple over if you don’t push it.

TALIESIN: Got to give a little pressure.

MATT: We’ll say for you, Pike, you’re about ten feet below Grog. Keep that in mind.

TRAVIS: If she double dashes?

MATT: Oh, a double dash? Oh, then you’re right there. Never mind. So you are good. There you go.

SAM: Relay race.

MATT: All righty. So that’s your turn, Pike?

ASHLEY: Yeah. That’s all I can do, right?

MATT: You have movement, movement, and you have a bonus if you wanted to do something.

ASHLEY: Can I hand him the trammel?

MATT: Not as a bonus action, no.

ASHLEY: Fuck. Okay, I will also cast Guidance on Grog.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: What’s that?

LIAM: That’s key. That’s great. It’ll buff you a little bit on your strength check.

ASHLEY: Before the spell ends, a target can roll a d4.

LIAM: d4 on a skill check.

ASHLEY: Add the roll to one ability check.

MATT: All right, that end your turn, Pike?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: All right. End of the round, Vecna gets his legendary actions back. Grog, Haste fades from you. As the spell fades, you feel your muscles lock up, and your entire body is currently stunned for the next round. That’s what happens when the Haste spell ends. So as you’re clutching, your muscles lock up, and you’re still holding onto the trammel, but your entire body is locked up as exhaustion takes over, and you’re basically having to hold yourself there in place.

JOE: Hold your action. Pick something good and hold it.

MATT: Vecna is going to cast, with his last 7th-level spell, a 7th-level Banishment spell. I would like both Pike and Grog to make charisma saving throws, please.

SAM: Oh, but I Counterspelled it at 8th-level. Ooh!

(laughter)

SAM: That’s why I got closer, motherfucker!

(laughter and applause)

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

LIAM: Oh shit. Now I am the master.

MATT: Oh, well done. So as the Banishment spell fizzles in place–

TRAVIS: You are a steely-eyed motherfucker, man.

JOE: That was clutch.

MATT: Vecna glares right in your direction.

MARISHA: Oh my god, Scanlan.

MATT: All right. No words, just seething hatred in your path. That’s going to end Vecna’s turn. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: I’m going to hold my action until I can move.

MATT: Your stun fades, but that’s your turn.

ASHLEY: Wait, would stun be affected by Freedom of Movement? Or vice versa?

MATT: What’s up?

TALIESIN: Freedom of Movement would not have.

TRAVIS: Yeah. I guess I’m straight-up stunned, huh? Can’t move or take actions until its next turn. I can’t move or take actions until my next turn.

MATT: Yeah, he loses his whole turn. At the end of Grog’s turn, he’ll use two legendary actions. He’s going to cast, through the Hand of Vecna–

LIAM: Mass Cure Wounds.

MATT: He’s starting to run low on high-level spell slots. You guys have been running him ragged!

TRAVIS: Oh, he doesn’t have another 9th-level Meteor Strike? Another 12th-level Halley’s Comet?

TALIESIN: 7th-level’s something fierce, though.

JOE: You both have matching dice?

TALIESIN: Yeah. I love these. They’re cruel, but I love these.

MATT: He’s going to cast Finger of Death at you, Scanlan. Scanlan, I need you to go ahead and make a constitution saving throw.

JOE: That’s good.

SAM: That’s really good. 28.

MATT: That’s a success. You take half damage.

SAM: Half damage.

MATT: So you take 49 points of necrotic damage, half of it.

TRAVIS: Half of 49.

SAM: Alive!

MARISHA: You’re still alive?

MATT: That’ll be 24 points of damage.

LAURA: Are you resistant to necrotic?

SAM: No.

TALIESIN: But he made his save.

LAURA: I know. I just was hoping it would be half again.

MATT: How much health are you at right now?

SAM: 14.

MATT: Holy shit! Goddamn it!

JOE: That was a huge roll!

MATT: I’m both frustrated and proud. All right. Well, that ends Grog’s turn with that. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Bonus action, I’m going to take a superior healing potion. So that’s 8d4?

MATT: 8d4 plus eight, yeah.

TRAVIS: Mercer, at the end of my turn, the stun fades? Or at the end of the round? I don’t get a reaction or anything?

MATT: I would say it goes through the full round, it would be at the next round I’d say.

LAURA: Okay, so I’m back up to 67 hit points. Fuck. Oh! No, stun, there’s nothing you can do to take the effect of stun away, is there?

MATT: Yes, Greater Restoration.

LAURA: Oh, that’s it? Not Lesser?

MATT: I don’t think Lesser gets rid of stun, unfortunately.

LAURA: Fuck me. Okay. All righty. I’m going to fly up to Scanlan, and I’m going to cast Cure Wounds at 4th-level. That’s 4d8 plus my wisdom. Oh, that’s good! 14, 21, 27. 27 plus three. 30 points healed!

SAM: May I do a cantrip on her? Minor Illusion, just to turn her skin green.

(laughter)

MATT: I’ll allow it.

TRAVIS: (singing) I’m flying high, defying gravity!

SAM: Exalted. Exalted form.

LAURA: Thank you. (singing) Something has changed within me.

SAM: The hat. The broom.

LAURA: All right, but it’s so hot. But I’ll do it.

MATT: And that’s the end of your turn.

LAURA: That’s as far as I can move, right? I can’t move any more?

MATT: To get up there? You can move five more feet.

LAURA: Can I get over the edge of the floating building so I’m not flying over the crevasse?

MATT: We’ll say right there. I’ll put you right there.

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: You’re right over the edge. Okay.

LAURA: (singing) Just Scanlan and– (speaking) No, sorry. That was terrible.

JOE: Okay, for the artists’ sake, Grog and Arkhan are right next to each other.

TRAVIS: Just so you know.

TALIESIN: Always.

LAURA: Whenever possible.

JOE: In case anyone was out there–

SAM: Hands shoved in each other’s crotches.

LIAM: Getting each other ready.

JOE: Just lubing up. Glistening.

TRAVIS: Shit. Body-glide.

(laughter)

MATT: All right, Scanlan. I would like you to– Here it is. I’d like you to make a wisdom saving throw, please.

SAM: Not great. 15.

MATT: 15.

LAURA: Why so low?

SAM: I have negative two wisdom.

LAURA: You do?

SAM: I do.

MARISHA: Why have we not made fun of you for that way more throughout the years?

SAM: Why do you think I make stupid decisions all the time?

MATT: Scanlan. In the grasp of Bigby’s Hand, you suddenly become a tiny little fox!

LIAM: Where’s Pike?

SAM: Do I maintain concentration?

MATT: You maintain concentration.

SAM: But I’m a fox.

MATT: Correct.

SAM: What do I say?

JOE: You’re a sly fox.

SAM: I’m a fox.

JOE: Are foxes’ wisdom better than Scanlan’s?

MATT: He Polymorphs you into a fox.

TRAVIS: Pike, can you undo Polymorph?

SAM: Wow, that’s terrible. Foxes can totally talk and cast spells, though, right?

MATT: No.

TALIESIN: So is this a concentration spell?

SAM: Wow, that’s shitty. That’s a shitty low-level spell use, Matt Mercer.

(laughter)

JOE: And that’s a spell, correct?

MATT: That’s the end of that. All right.

TALIESIN: And that’s not a concentration spell.

SAM: Polymorph is. But I don’t actually know if that’s what he used.

MATT: That was the end of Vex’s turn, Vax, you’re up. Polymorph: an unwilling creature must make a wisdom saving throw to avoid the effect.

SAM: Why do I have written down constitution? Well, I’m wrong.

MATT: Okay. I’ll double-check. Wisdom saving throw. So anyway. What are you doing?

LIAM: Do I in my knowledge in having watched this crazy motherfucker with Polymorph know if striking him and taking away his little bit of life, he poofs back, right? Okay, so bonus action to disengage from Vecnards, and I’m going to fly at that fox, and I am going to strike him with the flame tongue dagger.

(cheering)

LIAM: Raven Queen sends her regards, fox!

MARISHA: Did John have a dead pool on when it was going to fall?

TALIESIN: I would have gone with the tower.

MARISHA: That would have been my bet.

JOE: Was there a Jenga pool?

MATT: All right. So we’ll say you were there, you were there.

TRAVIS: The fox is by your left hand.

JOE: Left hand, right.

MATT: There we go. I see it. There we go. Fixed!

LIAM: Thankfully, it’s not sneak attack, but I rolled a natural 20 and rolled a one, so the dice get doubled to two, plus my modifier of six on the flame tongue is eight, so he gets hit for eight hit points of damage. Do I see a gnome or a fox?

SAM: I assume fox will not survive very long.

JOE: I don’t think a fox has eight hit points.

MARISHA: We know a kitten has one hit point. Wait, five? Two hit points? A kitten’s worth? A kitten’s worth of hit points.

LIAM: It’s a fox. It’s like a cat or a dog. It’s nothing.

SAM: You might have to dagger-dagger-dagger me.

MATT: We’ll say six hit points. So a total of how much damage was it?

LIAM: It was eight total.

MATT: So you take two damage.

LIAM: And we’ll call that my hasted action, and with my regular action, I will put my hands on the side of Ioun’s chosen and use Lay on Hands to give him 20 hit points back, and then I will use the rest of my movement to fly back into Vecna’s fucking face. And I have no attacks left, but I’ll stay there.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Jenga.

LIAM: Jenga!

MATT: All right, at the end of Vax’s turn–

SAM: At the end of the night, it’s going to be up in the rafters!

MATT: He is going to cast a fifth-level Banishment.

LAURA: On who?

TRAVIS: There’s a fucking treehouse on top of the Fraggle Rock construction.

MATT: So I need a charisma saving throw on Grog and Scanlan.

SAM: 21.

TRAVIS: 12.

MATT: Both Scanlan and Grog (poof) from existence. Bigby’s Hand remains, because concentration is maintained– oh god!

SAM: Everything’s breaking. Pike broke. Pike straight-up broke.

ASHLEY: That’s okay. It’s okay.

SAM: Right, the first roll was a nine, right?

JOE: Oh no. What’s that?

SAM: The first roll I did was a nine? It was nine, yeah.

JOE: It was either a six or a nine. I don’t know.

MATT: Look at that.

JOE: You have glue?!

MATT: Hopefully it hasn’t dried up.

SAM: Here, we’ll work on it while you DM. We’ve got it. Give it over here.

MATT: There you go. (laughs)

TRAVIS: I do have advantage on them because of mage slayer, just in case.

LAURA: And you would have gotten to attack him!

TRAVIS: Oh, that’s actually a 20! I rolled a 19 on the advantage roll.

MATT: It’s not enough, unfortunately, and mage slayer is a reaction. They both vanish from the space. All right.

TALIESIN: Did he take his half damage from me, by the way, from the crits?

MATT: Yes, he did. 22 was the total from that one. All right. That brings us back to the 20. At which point, the dark energy emanates once more, removing any sort of necrotic resistance from anybody within the vicinity.

LIAM: Removing resistance?

LAURA: Yeah, we don’t get necrotic for the next turn.

MATT: Arkhan.

SAM: Did Pike give the trammel already?

TRAVIS: No, she had it out in her hand. She couldn’t give it to me.

SAM: She still has it?

MARISHA: But you’re gone, so that sucks.

LAURA: But if we can break his concentration, they come back, right?

JOE: Okay, that’s going to be 31.

MATT: 31 hits.

JOE: That’s a straight-up 2d8. And yes, I said “two die eight,” people at home. I’m old school, okay? I learned how to play in the 80s, and we say "two die eight.” Not bad. That’s going to be 30 points of damage.

MATT: 30 points of damage. All righty.

SAM: Halved? What kind of damage?

JOE: It’s 30. Straight-up slashing.

TRAVIS: He has disadvantage on his saving throws.

MATT: That’s going to be a 21, so he succeeds on the first hit.

JOE: Okay. 27.

MATT: 27 hits.

SAM: Come on, roll big.

JOE: That’s another 30 points of damage.

MATT: 30 points of damage again. Making his save. That’s ten plus seven. That’s 17, so yes, because the DC is 15 for the damage he takes, so he succeeds.

TRAVIS: And that’s with disadvantage, too!

SAM: You got this, friend. No, you don’t got this.

JOE: 23 for my third attack.

TALIESIN: That hits.

LAURA: Big damage.

JOE: I can’t do much more than what I did before, but that’s 25. Get a one. Roll a one!

MATT: That’s a two. Two and a three!

SAM: Two and a three?

MATT: Yeah.

(cheering)

MATT: Damn it. Okay, then.

LIAM: Back in the game!

MATT: Okay. Arkhan, end of your turn?

JOE: That’s it. That’s all I’ve got.

MATT: All right, that brings us to Keyleth.

MARISHA: Okay, you have the trammel. No, Pike has the trammel. Scanlan, how many hit points do you have?

SAM: 62.

MARISHA: Do I do more damage to this guy, or do I heal Scanlan? Pike, what about you?

ASHLEY: I’m at 106.

MARISHA: You all right?

PIKE: Yeah. Heal Scanlan.

MARISHA: Scanlan’s got the book.

LIAM: He’s the most important. I’m not important.

MARISHA: Fuck. Yeah, I’m going to fly down and do a healing touch on Scanlan.

SAM: Keyleth, I can take care of myself.

TALIESIN: Shut the fuck up.

TRAVIS: Shut your beautiful mouth!

MARISHA: You’ve got the fucking book!

TRAVIS: God. I’m rubbing my thigh, but there’s nothing wrong with it!

(laughter)

SAM: I can’t get any superglue to come out of this shit. I’ve been biting on it. I’ve been doing all kinds of shit to it. We need a knife.

MATT: Well, no wonder it’s not coming out.

JOE: I’ve got more work for you to do. Put the shield back on.

SAM: I need a knife or scissors.

MATT: (laughs) You chewed the end closed!

TRAVIS: Did Arkhan break?

MATT: Yeah, the shield came off.

SAM: It’s okay. It’s the last episode.

MARISHA: 39 plus three, so 42. You get 42 hit points.

SAM: Me?

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: Oh shit, that’s actually great!

MARISHA: And you are freed from any curse, disease, poison, blindness, or deafness. And I’m going to use the rest of my movement to go up and get in Vecna’s face, as well, and be like, what’s up? Oh hey, we’re pulling an Alfred Hitchcock right now! Birds. Birds!

TRAVIS: “You can’t see me” doesn’t work because you’re in his face.

MARISHA: I’m John Cena.

MATT: All righty, that brings us to Percy.

TALIESIN: There’s been a lot of damage done this round, hasn’t there? There’s been a reasonable amount.

JOE: Watch that, because it’s going that way. Or you can put him on the base or something. Or we could pretend he’s on top of that thing.

MARISHA: This is my favorite mini game!

TALIESIN: I’ve got a weird question: if I burn a grit point for an arm shot, can I make him drop his hand?

MATT: What’s that?

TALIESIN: If I burn a grit point for an arm shot, can I make him drop his hand?

MATT: No, it’s attached to his body.

TALIESIN: I know it’s stitched on–

MATT: It’s attached to his body.

TALIESIN: If I hit it a bunch–

MATT: You can’t shoot his hand off.

TALIESIN: That’s fine. I was spit-balling. I’m going to curl around the corner and I’m going to hold my turn for– who’s the last of us to go? I’m going to hold my turn for any spells that he casts, and I’m going to blast him three times the second he casts a spell on anybody. Right after a spell, I’m going to hit him.

MATT: Scanlan, your turn.

SAM: My turn? I’ve already inspired Grog.

LIAM: Hold for Pike.

SAM: I’ll hold for Pike.

MATT: All right, what are you holding?

SAM: I’m going to hold the book! And I will inspire Pike.

LAURA: Yeah, that’s good.

TALIESIN: Man, he’s looking way too smug.

TRAVIS: Yeah, he’s got one legendary resistance left. He’s been saving it.

SAM: I’ll inspire Pike, yeah.

MATT: All right. So Pike, take your inspiration die. What do you say to Pike?

SAM: I will sing to her: (singing) She’s a good girl.

(groaning)

SAM: That’s it.

(laughter)

SAM: (singing) Loves her Scanlan.

MATT: All righty. Pike, it’s your turn.

JOE: (singing) Loves chicken.

ASHLEY: No. Let’s not do it. Okay. Passing over the trammel to Grog, is that a bonus action, or that’s my action? Because I’m right next to him?

MATT: I’d say handing it over point-to-point, I’ll allow it to be part of an action because he’s right next to you and he’s capable now.

ASHLEY: Okay. Because I was going to also try something else, but I don’t know if I can. I was also going to try to clasp my holy symbol and try to see if I can do Divine Intervention.

MATT: Okay. Roll 2d10. Roll the first one; tell me what you get.

TRAVIS: Yeah, fuck it. Why not, right?

MARISHA: Can you bring that third trammel back? You get to ask your god for something awesome.

LIAM: This is the giant dragon punch. We saw in the past.

ASHLEY: Six?

MATT: Okay, that’s not a success, unfortunately. I know, sorry! Sarenrae’s influence cannot break past this barrier right now, with your proximity to Vecna. The sheer force of his current presence is too strong.

ASHLEY: All right, I’ll pass the trammel to Grog.

SAM: You aren’t going to use your inspiration? All right, whatever.

ASHLEY: Can’t use it for that. Can I subtract whatever I roll for the inspiration?

MATT: (laughs) Unfortunately, no. He’s going to attempt to Fire Bolt–

JOE: You mean reverse math?

ASHLEY: Yeah, reverse math. (laughs)

MATT: Going to Fire Bolt you, Vax. That’s going to be a 21 to hit.

LIAM: No, fuck you.

TRAVIS: I’ll use my reaction now that the end of the round is over with to make an attack on him.

MATT: Well, it’s not until the very end of the round.

TRAVIS: Oh, I thought it was the very end.

MATT: Now it’s the end of the round. You have control of yourself back. We’re back at the top of the round, which is Vecna.

TRAVIS: I’ve stopped peeing myself.

JOE: Matt, we’ve got a good thing going on with this glue now. Could you pass me Arkhan back?

LIAM: I love that we are working on miniatures at the table.

JOE: It’s helping us with our nerves.

LIAM: Oh, it’s very calming, working on minis.

JOE: You got some watercolors back there, Matt?

(laughter)

MATT: Strangely, no.

LIAM: On his utility belt.

JOE: We got tape. We got glue. We got everything.

MATT: Oh, this will be interesting.

ASHLEY: I have a question. Has Vecna still been healing with each round?

TRAVIS: We’ve been dealing some pretty good damage.

LIAM: Yeah, we’ve been hurting him pretty bad.

TRAVIS: Especially with Ark–

LIAM: The Ark reactor.

ASHLEY: That was crazy.

SAM: Wow, this is the fucking craziest game ever. It’s midnight.

TALIESIN: Is it? I can’t feel anything.

MARISHA: The fact that none of us are dead.

MATT: Trust me, I know.

SAM: Marvel Puzzle Quest!

MATT: Vecna is going to, through the Hand Of Vecna, begin to attempt to Teleport.

LAURA: No!

TALIESIN: I take my shots.

MARISHA: Fuck that hand.

JOE: Fucking chop that hand.

TRAVIS: I do have a reaction.

LIAM: Does reaction work like attack of opportunity?

TRAVIS: No, I do. I have a melee reaction.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take my shots. Shot number one. Yeah, as long as I’ve got reaction I knew what I was doing.

MATT: Because you held action, so yes.

MARISHA: And how far can he go?

JOE: He can go anywhere.

TALIESIN: That would have been 25. These are all sharpshooter, fuck it.

SAM: Do I have a reaction?

MATT: You would.

SAM: Is it worth it?

LIAM: To keep him here? Yeah. He’s running away.

MARISHA: He’s trying to run away, trying to teleport away.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: Are you going to try to Counterspell?

SAM: I’ll Counterspell.

MATT: Okay. What level?

SAM: Nine.

LIAM: Oh.

MARISHA: (whoops)

JOE: That was pretty clutch.

MARISHA: That’s right, you used your Wish last night.

MATT: Well, that definitely works. (laughs) Okay, then.

TRAVIS: I’m still going to hit you.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: That was going to save Vax.

TRAVIS: Can I take the Sword of Kas and aim for the Hand of Vecna? Can I try and chop the wrist?

MATT: Sure. Try for it.

TRAVIS: Why not? Reckless.

MATT: You have disadvantage on the attack, though.

TRAVIS: Okay. Well, I have advantage normally, reckless, so just a straight roll. 32?

MATT: Yeah, that hits.

LIAM: Yeah. That’s our Grog.

LAURA: That’s our Grog!

SAM: I’m sorry, Liam.

LAURA: Anybody got a camera so we can put this in the scrapbook later?

TALIESIN: No. It’s okay.

SAM: Sorry, bud.

TRAVIS: 33. Hand stay on him?

MATT: Hand stays on him, yeah.

TRAVIS: Okay. Cool. That’s just my reaction.

JOE: You trying to chop off his hand?

TRAVIS: Yeah, thought I’d maybe Luke Skywalker his hand.

MATT: That ends Vecna’s turn. He seems extremely frustrated.

TALIESIN: And he just took from me, because I took my shots. It was 26 damage plus one psychic for the first one. Goddamn it. The other one hits, and again, goddamn it. 24 damage plus one psychic. And the third shot probably does not hit. Third shot does not hit.

MATT: Okay. (gunshots) Everyone’s swarming up around him, and each time he tries to cast a spell, even in his current divine form, he’s growing more and more frustrated. You can see now as this hulking entity is still bursting into Vasselheim and destroying, you can see a moment of panic in a fresh god’s eyes. Ends Vecna’s turn. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: With all the rage I’ve ever had, I will reckless attack. Grab the trammel from Pike and aim it right in his stupid chest.

MATT: Go ahead and make a strength check, Grog.

TRAVIS: Yeah, enough. Inspiration because fuck it, why not? Yep. That’s 33.

LAURA: You don’t get that because it’s strength.

TRAVIS: Oh, right. 33.

LAURA: He’s marking off a resistance. You just did that, didn’t you?

MATT: That’s actually not what I did, but you can think what you want. All right, so what’s the grand total on that?

TRAVIS: 33 was the total.

MATT: 33. As you take the trammel, grabbing the bottom of the ribcage, curving it underneath, you thrust it up into the core center, it seems, of his chest, where the avatar arcane energy is amassed. And as the trammel squeezes in, you hear the guttural rage from the inside of Vecna, screaming, “You dare!” And as he inhales, the force of the voice is pulled back into a moment of weakness, and once again, you can see the fear flickering in the eyes. The burning rage of the green flame begins to diminish ever so slightly as the second trammel is applied.

TRAVIS: Cool. I’m going to keep hitting him. I have my hasted attack.

MATT: You don’t have a hasted attack. It faded.

TRAVIS: Oh, that’s right. Sorry. Yeah. My bonus action is a straight-up reckless. 17. That’s a million. 35 is to hit. Eight, 24, 32, 42. Enlarge. 44.

MATT: As you’re cutting through the body, you see bits of Vecna’s avatar form tattering and falling apart. I would like you to make an intelligence check.

SAM: 22.

MATT: You were told and knew that you could not kill a god. A god that ascended from a lich form generally has the capability, if the body is destroyed, to reform elsewhere. You begin to get the sense that at a certain point, if you end up destroying this avatar form, it might ruin everything.

SAM: As in, don’t use the book?

LAURA: As in, don’t keep attacking him.

SAM: As in don’t kill him.

LAURA: If we keep attacking him, he’s going to take too much damage.

MARISHA: The trammels are in.

SAM: The two trammels are in? He has one more legendary save.

JOE: Read the book.

TRAVIS: Literally, it’s all we got.

LIAM: It’s Reading Rainbow time.

JOE: Time to cross the streams.

TALIESIN: If we’re not careful, this gets worse.

SAM: Is someone before me?

MATT: Grog, that ends your turn. Vex, you’re up.

MARISHA: We’re all before you.

LAURA: What’s your hit points at now, Scanlan?

SAM: I’m fine.

MARISHA: Just tell us what your hit points are.

SAM: 106. I’m fine.

LAURA: I’m going to cast Cure Wounds on Scanlan at 3rd-level. 19 plus three is 22 hit points, and I’m going to fly down next to Percy.

MATT: You get roughly to the edge here with your 50 movement. I’ll say you can land. Sure. I’ll allow it. Okay. That ends your turn. Vax, you’re up.

LIAM: I’m going to use a bonus action to look over my shoulder and see everyone that I know. I’m going to see my sister and her husband. I’m going to see the woman that I love. I’m going to see Grog. I’m going to see Arkhan. I’m going to see my friend Scanlan. And then I’m going to dig into Vecna’s eye and stab away.

LAURA: Don’t do too much damage!

LIAM: It’s too late.

TRAVIS: What? It’s not too late. Retcon that shit. You haven’t rolled a thing.

LIAM: No?

TRAVIS: No. He just told us.

LIAM: I will use it to grapple.

MATT: Okay. So make an acrobatics or athletics check.

LIAM: Should I reroll?

MATT: Actually, for grapple, it may just be athletics. Let me double-check here.

LIAM: Two rolls here, unused.

MATT: It’s an athletics check, so roll athletics.

LIAM: That is a 22.

MATT: 19 plus five, 24. Grapple fails.

LIAM: All right. That was my–

(clattering over Skype)

(laughter)

ASHLEY: I was getting a tissue, and I dropped a fork.

LIAM: That was my hasted action. I’m going to stay here and fucking hug Vecna’s face.

MATT: All right. That brings us to the 20. The buildings shift back once more across the ground. These begin to rotate and spread outward this way. That one merely stays where it is. At this point in time, Arkhan?

JOE: So we don’t want to do any more damage?

TALIESIN: No.

JOE: All right. I’m going to attempt to grapple his arm with that hand on it.

MATT: Okay.

JOE: That’s good. That’s a natural 19. What would I add? Proficiency plus strength?

MATT: This would be, on a grapple? That’s athletics check.

JOE: Oh. Athletics check.

TRAVIS: I don’t think the hand comes off unless the person goes.

JOE: 30.

MATT: Okay, and that was a 19, so you are currently grappling the hand.

JOE: Okay. And that’s my whole action?

MATT: That’s an attack to grapple.

JOE: Attack. Oh, attack. What do I do with my other attacks? Hold? There’s no way to twist the hand off? He tried. He tried it before.

MATT: It’s on there pretty tight. It’s not just a hand you can cut off. It’s an artifact. It’s returned to its original owner.

MARISHA: I would be dropping my planetar shape which is making me fly right now.

JOE: Can I hold my bonus?

MATT: No, it’s an action.

JOE: I’m out.

MATT: Spent your turn, yeah.

JOE: Is there a way to pull him down?

MATT: Not at this size and the fact that you’re flying there; he’s too big.

JOE: All right. Then I’m going to hang. Just going to grapple.

MATT: That brings us to Keyleth.

SAM: What you got, girl?

LAURA: Can you grapple him?

SAM: Grapple and pull him down.

MARISHA: Okay. Yeah. I’ll take the other side that Arkhan has not. Grab the other side of him and try and grapple him, leaving him open and available for Scanlan.

MATT: Make an athletics check.

SAM: You have no spells that don’t do damage? Nothing that holds, nothing that silences? Nothing that feebles? Not as Keyleth?

MARISHA: I’m a planetar. If I drop this, then I fall. What am I doing? Athletics check?

MATT: The current avatar form looks like it’s–

JOE: It’s about to go.

MATT: It’s pretty bad.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we do not want to kill him.

MARISHA: Oh, I had bonuses to saving throws that I didn’t even fucking realize. It’s pretty good. 23.

JOE: Sorry, on saving throws, anyone within ten feet of me gains plus four.

MATT: So you now have Arkhan grappling a hand, you have Grog grappling the side of the torso. Keyleth, you turn over and grapple part of the body. You guys are basically holding Vecna at bay at the moment.

SAM: We can always bring you back.

MATT: Is that your turn, Keyleth?

MARISHA: I don’t even know what I have that would make him burn it. I don’t really have anything. I don’t think he would go for it.

TALIESIN: This just means we have to live through one roll. I’m holding my action for any movement or anything that he may do. I’m holding my action for signs of life.

MATT: Scanlan, it’s your turn.

SAM: Chapter One: The rites of banishment are ancient and powerful. They cannot be stopped by anyone, not even a god. I read. I read powerfully and strong.

MATT: All right. He’s going to make his wisdom saving throw with a DC 20 because of two trammels. That is a 17. He’s going to use his last legendary resistance to succeed.

TALIESIN: Next round.

MATT: The text goes blurred to you on the book, so you cannot read it for a full round. Somebody else could.

MARISHA: A full round.

JOE: What is the basis of reading that thing?

SAM: Someone needs to cast a 3rd-level spell on it.

LAURA: I have 3rd-levels left.

MATT: It’s still glowing. The text is glowing for an hour.

MARISHA: It’s an arcane thing though, right?

SAM: I can’t read it, but other people can?

MATT: Once you’ve put the spell slot into it, the text becomes visible.

LAURA: Which you did.

SAM: I did that.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: So now you can only try and read it. Anybody can try and read it any six seconds as long as it– What language is it, again?

JOE: If you fail, then you can’t read it for a round.

MATT: Is anybody else here trained in arcana?

LIAM: Trained in arcana?

MARISHA: That was what I was asking. None of us are, unless you are, Arkhan.

JOE: Arkhan does not have an arcana.

MARISHA: So we have to hold this motherfucker down for a round?

MATT: You do.

SAM: Is Pike– No, she’s divinely–

MATT: I don’t know. Pike, are you trained in arcana? Do you have proficiency in arcana?

ASHLEY: I don’t know. I don’t think so.

JOE: Anyone else intelligent? What’s that?

TRAVIS: You’re grappling him too, right?

TALIESIN: So long as you guys all hold–

MATT: This text is far too illegible for somebody who isn’t trained in arcana.

MARISHA: Hang on, is it something I can do as a planetar that can read all languages and is also telepathic?

MATT: Planetars can read all languages?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: You can certainly try.

LAURA: Give it a try, Keyleth. Because what difference does it make? You have nothing to lose.

MATT: So at the end of Scanlan’s turn–

SAM: Wait. Is anyone else?

MARISHA: I can read all languages as a planetar.

JOE: It’s like the scene in Monster Squad when the kid goes, “Is she a virgin?”

MATT: At the end of Scanlan’s turn–

SAM: I cast my bonus action inspiration on Keyleth.

MATT: Okay. How do you inspire her?

SAM: (singing) Here’s the story. Of a lovely druid. Who thought she could fly as a goldfish. But she couldn’t, and she became fish paste. And I wish I had Wish.

MATT: Take your d12 inspiration die.

MARISHA: Okay. I have it now.

MATT: Okay. End of Scanlan’s turn. Going to use two legendary actions to attempt to cast Dominate Person.

TALIESIN: Can he do it without arms?

MATT: Well, not both arms are currently grappled to the point where the arms can’t move.

TALIESIN: Okay, because there’s a lot of people grappling him.

MATT: He’s also a very big guy. Grappling is more of holding onto him and preventing him from moving, but he can still move. It’s a hard thing. It’s a little wishy-washy at this size. All right, so Scanlan, I need you to make a wisdom saving throw.

SAM: I’ll cast Counterspell.

MATT: At what level?

SAM: Three.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll.

(shouting)

TALIESIN: What!

MARISHA: For no reason.

JOE: Scanlan has had the craziest last hour ever!

TALIESIN: Can’t deal.

LIAM: Oh my god.

JOE: You just killed, dude.

MARISHA: Oh my gods. Oh my Pelor. Oh my Sarenrae.

MATT: So now it’s Pike’s turn. Pike, your turn.

ASHLEY: Okay. Am I close to Keyleth at all?

MATT: Yeah. You’re actually right up there with Keyleth.

ASHLEY: Okay. I’m going to float by Keyleth.

MATT: What are you doing?

ASHLEY: I’m going to float by Keyleth. Cast Guidance on her.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: And as a bonus action, cast Sanctuary on her.

MATT: Okay. All right. That finish your turn, Pike?

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: Can I move again?

MATT: You can move if you want.

ASHLEY: I want to move close to Grog.

MATT: Okay. That’s easy enough. You guys are all clustered around him. Okay. That ends Pike’s turn. End of your turn, he’s going to use two more legendary actions to attempt to cast 4th-level Banishment on Scanlan. He’s running through what things he can.

MARISHA: 4th-level Banishment on Scanlan?

MATT: All right. Make a charisma saving throw, please.

MARISHA: Come on, charisma.

LIAM: Burt Reynolds, do it.

SAM: 30. I’m charisma as fuck!

(laughter)

JOE: This is craziness!

SAM: First roll two. Second roll 18.

JOE: We got to go to Vegas after this is done!

MATT: Top of the round. Vecna’s turn. Legendary actions are returned. At this point now, the titan has waded into the center of Vasselheim. Each progressive round, it’s been this one footstep after the other. You can hear screams and yells, but you also see the divine temples in the distance are beginning to summon various bits of divine energy from those in the clerics that reside within the city. You can see a storm has now merged with the darkness that Vecna has spread over the city, and lightning bolts are beginning to be brought down in a familiar crack that you heard when you were battling Groon. As you can see now, the acolytes of the recently fallen Trial Forge are bringing their rage down upon the exterior of this entire swarm of gloomstalkers and the titan. Vecna is going to try again. He’s going to cast another Banishment on Scanlan. “Would you just be rid of me, finally? Go! Die!” Make another charisma saving throw. TRAVIS: Does Vecna have to speak to cast Banishment?

SAM: Not good. Not good, both.

JOE: Does anyone have anything that negates–

TALIESIN: You can inspire yourself.

MATT: Well, not for a saving throw, he can’t. What did you roll?

SAM: 18.

MATT: Scanlan, with the book, vanishes from sight. At this point, Vecna, who’s being held by all, (chuckles) “Come on, show me what you’re worth.”

TRAVIS: I’ll do that right now. I’ll use my reaction against mage slayer, and I’m going to punch him in the face. Just punch.

MATT: At this point, you watch as one of the titan’s arms is now rising up over the tower. You get the sense he’s getting really desperate.

TRAVIS: Oh Jesus. Just trying to break concentration, so I’m going to (punch).

SAM: Do what you’ve got to do.

MATT: Go for it, Grog.

TRAVIS: Reckless.

MATT: As Vecna’s lifting his right hand up, even in the grasp, you can see the titan’s arm rising up like it’s being puppeteered by Vecna as it puts another shadow down upon the top of Entropis. This large multi-hundred-foot-wide ram of sheer rock. All right.

TRAVIS: 25 to hit. 1d4. Three plus eight.

MATT: Total damage is?

TRAVIS: 11.

MATT: 11? Okay.

TRAVIS: He’s got to roll at disadvantage.

MATT: He does. 12 and 12 plus seven each. So yeah, he succeeds. That’s the end of Vecna’s turn, who’s locked in place. Now it’s your turn, Grog.

TALIESIN: He has healed 50, though, in theory.

MATT: He did. He healed 50 hit points in the last turn.

SAM: So hit him 50 points, Grog.

TRAVIS: All right. I’ll hit him with the sword of Kas. Reckless. That’s a critical. That was a 19. I’m not used to hitting on those. Oh shit.

LAURA: Oh no. Just the one to break his concentration.

SAM: Roll high.

TRAVIS: I already rolled high.

LIAM: Close your eyes.

MARISHA: It didn’t help for me earlier; I rolled a three.

LIAM: Close your eyes.

TRAVIS: Oh, fuck me. Oh shit. 28.

LAURA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: 36. That’s a one, but I’ve got to re-roll it. 42. Yeah. 58.

TALIESIN: Yeah. He wasn’t like 20 points away.

MATT: Okay. So he has to make a DC at half that, which is going to be DC of 24.

TALIESIN: Disadvantage.

MATT: Well, no. Not on this.

TRAVIS: On saving throws? If I damage you–

MATT: Oh. Any time with mage slayer? Oh, that’s right!

TRAVIS: When you damage a creature that’s– yep.

MATT: 18 to a natural one.

(shouting)

MATT: Man, that’s crazy.

SAM: You made this world, Matt.

MATT: Yeah, I know. And with that, Scanlan appears back in place.

TRAVIS: I will forego the rest of my turn.

MATT: Oh shit. Okay, that’s the end of Grog’s turn. Vex?

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: Huddle in fear at this point.

LAURA: Yeah, right?

TALIESIN: Hi. I’m back there. Come join me.

MARISHA: I use my action to go fetal.

LAURA: What’s your health at?

TALIESIN: I’m fine. I’m 88.

MARISHA: That’s under a hundred, though.

LAURA: I know. I’m going to cast Cure Wounds at 3rd-level on Percy. Six, nine. So 11. No, 12, sorry.

MATT: Okay. That’s your turn.

LAURA: For my bonus action, I’m going to take a greater healing potion.

MATT: Go for it. Okay.

LAURA: So that’s 4d4.

MATT: Are you going to move, as well?

LAURA: Yes. Whoa, that’s good. 11 plus four is 15 to me. And then I’m going to run over to Percy, and I’m going to hold his hand.

MATT: Just enough movement to come over and hold Percy’s hand.

LAURA: But I’m going to keep looking up at what’s going on up there.

MATT: Okay. As you guys stand there looking up, hand in hand, glaring as Scanlan reappears in place, and with the shadow now looming over Entropis in a long line across the city of Thar Amphala as this massive titan arm is rising up. That’s going to end that. Vax, what are you doing?

LIAM: Okay. I would like to cast Compelled Duel on Vecna. It’s a long shot, but I’m going to do it.

MARISHA: The fuck is that?

LIAM: One creature that you can see within range must make a wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, the creature is drawn to you, compelled by your divine demand.

JOE: It’s a weird paladin spell.

TRAVIS: There’s always a one out there.

LIAM: So I would like to do it.

MATT: All right. That is a 24.

LIAM: Sure. Okay. So that didn’t work. For my action, I would like to steal a bonus kiss from Keyleth of the Air Ashari.

MATT: I don’t believe you’ve kissed her in her Keytar form, so it’s a new experience for you.

LIAM: Every different form– male, female, big, tall, small, whatever– I’m in love. And I would like to use my regular action to fly in front of Scanlan Shorthalt, five feet in front of him, and splay my wings as wide as they can and flip the double birds to the biggest dick on the fucking planet.

MARISHA: (air horns)

LIAM: In front of Scanlan.

MATT: The tape is wearing off. It’s worked well enough for most of it. Vecna’s going to take attack of opportunity on you as you rush by.

LIAM: Good.

JOE: Can he take an attack of opportunity physically with me hanging onto his hand and her on the other hand? I’m just along for the ride?

MATT: You’re swung along as he strikes. (screams) Swing in place. That’s going to be a ten. There we go. 27.

LIAM: That hits. I’ll use uncanny dodge to reduce it to half.

MATT: Okay. All right. That is 24 points of cold damage, and you’re immune to paralysis, so it doesn’t do anything else. All right. Arkhan.

JOE: Okay. Everyone’s appeared. I’m grappled. There’s nothing to be done here. Can I hold movement or is it hold action?

MATT: Just an action.

SAM: You have to name the action.

JOE: Okay. I will hold my action in case he disappears.

MATT: Okay. Keyleth, it’s your turn.

MARISHA: Okay. I fly down over Scanlan’s shoulder and attempt to read the damn book.

MATT: You probably have to take the tome from him to read it.

JOE: Wings in front, wings in back? This is crazy. This is a cool tableau.

MATT: Scanlan’s being held up by Bigby’s Hand in the center. Black-winged angel of fate and death on one side. The white-winged planetar of Keyleth representing life on the other.

MARISHA: With antlers. Always antlers.

MATT: You take the book from Scanlan. You spend your action to try and read it?

LAURA and LIAM: Yes.

MATT: Which you can, because your planetar form–

MARISHA: Do I get anything? What do I do?

SAM: Nothing.

MARISHA: I’ve got inspiration and d4, right?

MATT: You just read it. It’s his saving throw.

MARISHA: He saves.

MATT: He saves. You just read it. You begin to recite from the text like Scanlan did. As the mysterious words begin to emit from the–

TRAVIS: What is it?

MATT: Let me take a quick picture of this.

MARISHA: What does that mean? It’s always good or bad.

[music]

TALIESIN: Should be texting that fast.

MATT: As you read from the book, page after page, the words come out, something you don’t seem to understand in your mind, but the form understands, and as it does, the runes glow. You look up as the trammels begin to glow. One, two. You hear this sucking sound. How do you guys want to do this?

(shouting)

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: Describe your support of this. You guys are holding Vecna back. How do you prepare for this, as he’s currently being held by these trammels in place?

LAURA: I grab Percy up on the broom so we can fly up.

TRAVIS: I take out the immovable rod out of the bag of holding, and I put the heel of my hand against the trammel as it starts to push, just to help it.

LIAM: I grab Scanlan like a football for old times’ sake and I come up behind Keyleth and I kiss her on the cheek and stare forward.

MARISHA: We all spoon each other as a winged spooning circle while holding Scanlan while holding the book.

SAM: Bigby’s Hand is gently tickling my taint.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I make sure Pike’s with me over here.

ASHLEY: Yeah. I fly up next to Grog, and if he has a free hand, I hold the other hand.

TRAVIS: Yeah. I hold hands with Pike.

MATT: As you guys are there, clutching him in this form, you watch as suddenly the dark clouds above begin to part directly above the tower as the titan arm is lifted up and beginning to make its way down in your direction as the shadow strengthens. The trammels (explosion) in the side of the head. “No. Too long. Too long!” (agonized yell) As they suddenly vibrantly brighten, you watch as the lattice of the Divine Gate begins to spread out around his body, the energy begin to consume his form. And within one bright, fiery, sun explosion-like flash and a sound like a deafening thunderclap not feet from where your body is, all of you are thrown from the detonation as Vecna claps out of existence. You all begin to fall as the entirety of the field dissipates around Thar Amphala. The first sunlight probably ever to really touch the city hits. As you watch, waves of gloomstalkers dissipate as the cloud slowly pulls away. The large titan arm grinds to a halt from above as its entire undead body halts, locked in place, the magic that maintained it no longer of this plane. You fall. There is a platform not too far from you. I would like those who were clasping on to Vecna to make a strength saving throw to try and capture yourself on the edge.

JOE: Is anyone within ten feet of me?

LAURA: Grog and Pike are.

JOE: You get a plus four.

TRAVIS: Sick.

ASHLEY: Am I rolling, as well?

MATT: You’re flying; you’re fine.

SAM: Can J'mon catch anyone?

MATT: Unfortunately, the force cage is still in place. It lasts for an hour.

TRAVIS: I rolled a 22.

MATT: 22, okay.

JOE: 17.

MATT: Okay. You both manage to barely catch on to the edge. The strain is immense, and you both still manage to suffer 23 points of general strain damage. Technically, it’s the fall damage, but you caught yourself. You barely pull yourself back up onto these platforms. The tethers still remain, holding it, but you don’t know how long it’ll be there, as the energy is subsiding around this tower. You all take a moment to imagine what you’ve lost, what you’ve gained. Everything has led to this moment. And in the quiet and the stillness, you hear a new sound. It’s thousands and thousands of distant voices cheering from the city of Vasselheim below. Of wyvern and eagle riders above you. But a small example of the hundreds of thousands of lives you may have saved.

LAURA: I’m staring at Vax.

MARISHA: Same. Holding on desperately.

MATT: Anyone else do anything?

SAM: Yeah. I go up to Vax. Palm over to him.

MATT: The hand did come off, actually. The body vanished, but the hand, the artifact still remains behind.

JOE: Then it’s time to destroy this thing once and for all. I kneel down, and I place the hand down on the ground. I raise my axe above my head and I say a prayer to Tiamat. And I bring the axe down and chop my hand off, put Vecna’s hand on, use my healing pool to heal, and teleport out. I’m sorry, it was just business. Until we meet again.

MARISHA: Wait. What?

TALIESIN: Did we just get janked? We just got robbed! It’s hard to get out of here, isn’t it?

MATT: (laughing) You guys watch as Arkhan–

LIAM: See you in the next campaign, motherfucker!

MARISHA: Oh my god.

LIAM: Power move!

MARISHA: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: Okay, that just happened.

MARISHA: All right, you know. Yeah. Don’t congratulate him! Don’t encourage that!

MATT: Without even the mental strength, the emotional strength to take in the ramifications of what just transpired, you all look to each other in this moment of victory. A year’s journey. And you breathe a sigh of relief, true relief. And that’s where we’re going to end tonight’s game. We’ll pick up on this next week. Holy shit, you guys.

TALIESIN: What. Holy fuck, man.

TRAVIS: Holy cow.

MATT: You are the luckiest motherfucker, I swear to god.

TRAVIS: “Ooh, but I dispelled it. That’s why I moved closer.”

LIAM: Lucky and smart.

MATT: All of you guys.

TRAVIS: MVP'ed it.

SAM: You trained us all.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: We learned it from watching you.

SAM: Yep, we did.

TALIESIN: Wow.

MATT: Okay. Well, on that note, those of you who are still with us, thank you for being so patient.

SAM: “Those of you who are still with us?” It’s fucking everybody.

MATT: I hope so. I know it’s been long. We’re at 12:40.

TALIESIN: Yeah, it is late.

LAURA: It is so late.

MATT: But what a way to finish a final boss, man.

LIAM: I didn’t use two of my luck. I saved them!

TRAVIS: After all this time, you finally saved them.

MATT: As a note, he had ten hit points left.

(gasping)

TALIESIN: Okay, that could have gone real bad.

LIAM: Real bad.

MATT: And his ability discorporation. When Vecna drops to zero hit points, his avatar form is destroyed but his essence travels back to his phylactery demiplane just beyond the Prime Material, and he is unable to take physical form for a time.

TRAVIS: That punch was super close.

LAURA: But he would have still been a god, technically?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Oh my god.

ASHLEY: Ugh.

LIAM: We would have had to have done five more games for this thing to end.

MATT: This would have gone into a few more sessions, and he would have come back with far more knowledge and far more preparation before he’s up against you guys.

TALIESIN: Yeah, nope.

SAM: Everyone was clutch. Pike.

MARISHA: Yeah, everyone.

SAM: Keyleth for the win. The most wisdom she’s ever had.

(laughter)

MARISHA: In another form. Can read all languages.

LIAM: Sam. You were trying to save a Wish for me?

ASHLEY: Matt!

TRAVIS: Yeah, the gnarliest map of all time.

MATT: I’m glad that worked out.

(applause)

MATT: All right. It’s late.

TALIESIN: It’s so late.

LAURA: I love you guys.

MATT: Love you guys.

TALIESIN: Love you.

TRAVIS: We pick this up next week.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah. Oh, we ain’t done.

LIAM: Yeah. I get to play the first two minutes of the game.

LAURA and MATT: Shut up.

LIAM: Love you.

TRAVIS: Johnson, we love you.

LAURA: Johnson!

LIAM: We’re so glad you were here from the start of the game, Ash!

MATT: It’s 3:30, 4:30.

LAURA: What time is your call in the morning?

ASHLEY: I don’t have to work tomorrow.

(cheering)

MATT: Thank you Blindspot for releasing her early enough to come play with us tonight.

TALIESIN: Thank you, Blindspot. Oh my god.

MATT: Thank you guys for watching. We’ll pick this up next week. Until then, rest well, we love you, and is it Thursday yet?

TALIESIN: Yeah, it is.

[music]