Thicker Grows the Meal and Plot

is the ninth episode of the third campaign of Critical Role. The group continues their search for Chetney's missing friend, even as their discoveries yield stranger and stranger reports about the man they're looking for...

Announcements

 * The Nordverse is back! The hacked Robbie, now a rootkit virus named Setty inside the new Critical Role set, infects Laura, Liam, and "Assley Donkson". This is only possible because Marisha decided to renew the subscription to Matt's Vest of the Month club instead of to Nord VPN. She promises to find a solution... next time on The Nordverse!
 * Second sponsor is Ghostfire Gaming's Fables, a subscription-based set of six-part D&D all-in-one adventures released monthly. The first, Grimhollow Adventure: Citadel of the Unseen Sun, released January 1st. Go to ghostfiregaming.com/fables-criticalrole for discounted subscription.
 * The Legend of Vox Machina will now debut on Friday, January 28, a week in advance of the original air-date.
 * Merch Alert! Now available: a red Eiselcross beanie embossed with "Even we don't know what's here" and a matching scarf.

Part I
Fearne tells the suspicious guards that a pack of dire wolves is right outside, and she came in to get their help, but she fails to convince them and telepathically alerts Imogen to her precarious situation. Ashton tries to break down the outside door and Chetney tries to pick the lock, both unsuccessfully. Fearne, however, is able to cast Charm Person on the head warden, who tells her they were paid to help Artana Voe, an old friend and bounty hunter who had been hunting Gurge Kisgregg. Gurge has a reputation as a strange wild man, and became a terrifying beast when assaulted. It took four of them to subdue him, and Artana left with his unconscious body while the guards told the neighborhood the fracas had been caused by a dire wolf attack.

Meanwhile, the party's noisy efforts to break through the outside door finally succeed just as the guards and Fearne arrive to investigate. The party is able to talk their way out of it and leave, and Fearne tells them what she learned.

They take this information to Lord Eshteross, who warns them to be cautious about accusing the powerful House Treshi of involvement without firm proof. He tells Orym that The Anger has agreed to meet with him and he will set up a meeting as soon as possible, and that Artana Voe has a sister, Preio Madali, the part-owner and manager of the Soot and Swill Tavern in the Smolder Spire. Lord Eshteross will also try to get the party admitted to an upcoming ball being held in a week for the rich and powerful of Jrusar, where they may be able to learn more.

Outside, the party questions Chetney again about his relationship with Gurge and why finding him is so important. Chetney restates that Gurge has connections to a master craftsman, and Chetney needs work to survive.

Once at the tavern, Preio, the manager, tells Ashton it will take buying an 80 gold bottle of elven plum wine liqueur to make up for whatever happened the last time Ashton was thrown out of the place. Fearne pickpockets from Ashton the Allhammer earring that Ashton stole from her and offers it to Preio as half payment, and Ashton pays another 50 gold on top.

After the party tastes it, FCG gives the rest of the bottle to Preio, and asks her if she knows where Artana Voe is. Preio acts unperturbed by the question and denies that she knows Artana's location. She also says she's not her sister. FCG's high passive insight notices, however, that her eyes flick toward the kitchen when the questions are asked. Chetney casts Invisibility on himself and sneaks into the kitchen, finding an ogre busily cooking and a second, hidden, door behind what looks to him like a heavy bookcase. He sneaks out and reports this to the party. In order to get the ogre (named Pretty) out of the kitchen so that Dorian, Orym, Ashton, and Chetney can investigate, Fearne orders a meal and then asks to give her compliments to the chef, moving Pretty to tears.

While Pretty is distracted, the others sneak into the kitchen and discover the "bookcase" is a serving cart. Eventually, Chetney manages to pick the lock of the hidden door and they discover a small hidden storage room, holding a cot and a seated uniya woman who immediately aims a heavy crossbow at them.

Break

 * Ghostfire Gaming presents Fables: Citadel of the Unseen Sun, coming 1 January 2022, a subscription-based set of D&D adventures.
 * Official Trailer for The Legend of Vox Machina.
 * Tal'Dorei Campaign Setting Reborn coming 18 January 2022 from Darrington Press.
 * Merch Alert! Eiselcross beanie and scarf, McFarlane Toys' 12" Shaun Gilmore figure, pet bandannas and bow-ties, and Percival de Rolo t-shirt now available in the US, UK, Australia, and Canada shops.
 * Critical Recap every Wednesday on CritRole.com.
 * Submit fan art for possible inclusion in the weekly online gallery at https://www.critrole.com/submit.
 * President Gale's Operation Gag Me With a Spoon is out to reduce maximum goobage by getting more subscribers to Critical Role on Twitch.

Part II
The woman fires at Orym, wounding him, then aims at Dorian. Orym and Ashton tell her they don't want to fight; they just want to talk to Artana Voe and find Gurge Kisgregg. Chetney says that they have money, and puts 30 gold on the table, but she is not impressed. When Dorian matches it, she tells them that she captured Gurge, but his location is privileged. Orym offers another 100 gold for more information, and she tells them her client was Vali Dertrana, the business commissioner of the Mirror Towers in the Core Spire, who works out of the Moon Tower. Vali wanted Gurge alive. Artana has also heard about the bounty on Cyrus and tells them to advise him to get out of town quickly. She warns them if they go after Gurge not to get bitten.

Meanwhile, Pretty starts heading back to the kitchen to continue working. In an attempt to distract him, Imogen asks him to go on a date with her, Laudna, and Fearne, and with Preio's encouragement he agrees to meet them after he gets off work that night. In the meantime, the others are able to sneak out of the kitchen and back into the main room.

With about three hours to go until the date with Pretty, they head toward the Core Spire just to look around. Discussing what they've learned, they are all thinking Gurge might be some form of werewolf. Chetney tells them once more that the people who pointed him in Gurge's direction said that Gurge was the key to Chetney gaining higher clientele. He knows nothing more.

At the Mirror Towers, they talk to the guards but don't learn much. They return to Lord Eshteross and obtain a letter from him granting them legal entry to the Towers. Ashton asks him if he could get Cyrus quietly out of town, and he could, but it might not solve their problem as word of a bounty that large would travel far. The other option is to pay off the amount owed to the person issuing the bounty, or to return the stolen property. Imogen, remembering that the initials "J.H." on the case containing the stolen automaton are the same as on the mysterious letter Ashton received, asks him about it again, but he once again evades the question.

With still more than two hours till the scheduled date with Pretty, they return to the Mirror Towers and use Lord Eshteross's letter to gain entry just at sunset, with a mist rising into the spires and rain imminent. The clerk in the Moon Tower takes their letter and goes off to check if Vali Dertrana is available. While they wait, Fearne gets an electric shock when she touches the locked-up books in the room, and Ashton steals her chamber pot from her while she is blinded.

When the clerk returns, he tells them Vali Dertrana didn't answer the knock at his door and must be unavailable – they should return in the morning. They convince the clerk to go back and open the office's door to make sure Master Vali is all right, and follow him just in time to see him closing and locking the door. Master Vali is not in his office, and must have left for the day. Dorian surreptitiously casts Invisibility on Chetney, but Chetney can't pick the door's lock. As a distraction, FCG also touches the books and pretends to malfunction. Imogen asks the clerk to put a note on Master Vali's desk that they will return in the morning and when the clerk opens the office door, the invisible Chetney is able to sneak in and is locked inside the office when the clerk leaves again.

When Chetney explores the desk, he finds of the Oderan Wilds, over 100 platinum, a heavy velvet sack and a small leather-bound book with the notations: "Pay made, order, Dreamset" and "requested by Nightmare King, bring alive". He notices faint sounds from behind the bookcase and realizes it hides a secret door, eventually finding the locking mechanism in the desk. The door opens to reveal a dark descending staircase. From it, Chetney overhears part of a conversation between Master Vali and "Ira". When he hears footsteps approaching up the stairs, the still-invisible Chetney hides in a corner.

Master Vali returns to his office and almost immediately realizes someone has been inside it. With a saber in hand, he searches the room, slashing as he goes. When he approaches the hidden Chetney, Chetney bolts, going straight through the closed stained glass window and landing safely in the courtyard below where the party is nervously waiting.

Player Characters

 * Ashton Greymoore
 * Chetney Pock O'Pea
 * Fearne Calloway
 * Fresh Cut Grass
 * Imogen Temult
 * Laudna
 * Orym

Returning

 * Ariks Eshteross
 * Dorian Storm
 * Evelyn Wress
 * Keledon, head warden of the Smolder Spire factory

New

 * Artana Voe
 * Ira Wendagoth
 * Preio Madali
 * Pretty
 * Vali Dertrana

Mentioned

 * Andy, a former crush of Laudna's from Whitestone
 * Cyrus Wyvernwind
 * Master Faramore, Imogen's former employer in Gelvaan who has shops around Marquet
 * Gurge Kisgregg
 * Oshad Breshio

Quotations
Laudna: Oh, don't get me wrong, I wasn't being judgmental. I'm here for it, if it calls for murder. Pretty: With you? Imogen: Anybody at this table! Whoever you want to go-- I don't know. Fearne: We could all go, just make it a full group hang type of thing. Dorian: What if it's a terrible date? Two of you have never actually been on one before. FCG: And there's also three of you. Fearne: Well, it's more to love, I guess. FCG: Are you going to fuck this guy? Fearne: Isn't that what you do on a date?
 * Matt: (about his subscription to the Vest of the Month club) These vests are cool.
 * FCG: (discussing Lord Eshteross's sponsorship of the group) When you accept sponsorships, isn't that sort of selling out a little bit?
 * Fearne: Time is a construct that man uses to define change. So be whatever age you want, I guess.
 * Dorian: You also just wanted to set the cook's face on fire, was the other idea, so...
 * Artana Voe: (about Gurge) He's not a typical mark, that one, and if you're looking for him, you'd best be careful. [...] I don't deal with people like him often. In fact, only once before. Just don't get bitten.
 * Imogen: (desperately trying to distract Pretty) Pretty, do you want to go on a date?
 * FCG: (to Chetney, about Gurge) We're talking about going to bust out a werewolf man from an ivory tower so that he can recommend you for an apprentice carpenter job?
 * Fearne: (discussing the women's upcoming date with Pretty) What if we fall head over hooves with him?

Trivia

 * For this episode, Sam's outfit was a reference to the popular reaction image / meme known as "How do you do, fellow kids?". The line was spoken by Steve Buscemi's character Lenny Wosniak in an episode of 30 Rock.