Transcript:Talks Machina 14: Onward to Vesrah

Thanks to a fanmade CR transcript for the "After Dark" segment!

After Dark
BRIAN: Thank you for that slow dissolve. Before the show, I went up to the tricaster which is the machine that Denise mans and there's a lever that Denise mans and I said "Denise what does this lever do?" and it does exactly what she's doing. "As long as you don't fuck with me during the show…" What do you think, raise or fired?

TALIESIN: I think being fired leads to a raise around here anyway.

MARISHA: Yeah.

BRIAN: Welcome back to the same show on a different network.

TALIESIN: Just promote her.

MARISHA: No one will replace her, don't fire her.

BRIAN: We're not going to free her. Welcome to Talks Machina after dark where questions come from an ipad instead of a piece of paper. Up first:

(all laughing)

TALIESIN: Did not handle that well.

BRIAN: Alright. I can't in good conscience ask this question unless my conscience says it's okay.

KIT: It's perfectly fine.

BRIAN: Question for all of you.

KIT: You're welcome.

BRIAN: It's Kit Buss, she's still with us, you guys!

LIAM: Oh my gosh, Kit is where my nether regions are on the screen.

BRIAN: That's why we have a Denise.

LIAM: We are an all powerful deity of death.

BRIAN: Oh my god. Okay, let's begin. For Matt – not gonna happen.

MARISHA: Do they not watch the entire show?

BRIAN: They don't. 'cause every single week, I'll go our guests are … and first question, "Dear Matt." We'll take fans even if you are illiterate. To all, in addition to nautical scenes/ adventurers, any other theme you're interested in? Thank you for the maple whiskey that fucked up that sentence.

LIAM: I would like to go to hell, We're about to, so it worked out.

TALIESIN: I'd like to go that 1950s pitchfork hell.

MARISHA: Like dancing and little devils?

TALIESIN: yeah, squirrel nut zippers songs kind of vibe.

LIAM: I just wanted to kiss you.

BRIAN: This is a funny question, this comes from…

LIAM: Discolszlovsky?

BRIAN: Is that correct Kit?

KIT: Absolutely correct.

BRIAN: If you guys have questions for Kit that didn't get sent in on the Alpha chat, jesus fuck, please submit those now and I will pretend to read them on the air.

KIT: Are you getting better or worse with whiskey? I can't tell.

LIAM: You just got shade.

BRIAN: You think i'd be better because I've been practicing since I was 9. Question for everyone. Who do you think will accidentally kill the kraken?

MARISHA: Maybe Vax?

LIAM: I think it's a toss between me, you and Grog. I"m just gonna teach this Kraken a lesson, aw he's dead.

MARISHA: Aw but Percy's had his stint of "I'm just gonna hit it!" And then they blame me. Fuckin' A, Keyleth.

TALIESIN: I Was trying to make an executive decision and I'm still getting shit about it.

LIAM: IT was great.

BRIAN: I have a question, forgive me if this is a little meta. In between regular Talks and Talks Machina after dark, someone brought out a candle that's been run over by a car.

MARISHA: I was wondering where that came from.

BRIAN: Quick greatest moments in talks machina history. There's a fake candle right over my shoulder here and max was lighting this candle and he was like "this won't light" and I was like yeah, man, there's a little switch. I've been trying to light it for 30 minutes and it smells terrible. That's because it's fiberglass.

TALIESIN: I'm still so pleased about what happened to Sam's cup.

BRIAN: That was one of the biggest, greatest moments ever because someone slipped it in while I wasn't looking.

MARISHA: Even better.

BRIAN: Taliesin, in hindsight, what was your favorite thing you've ever done with your hair and latest favorite?

TALIESIN: Favorite thing was when I was a teenager and I had long long long hair and it was just when I started bleaching it and before I understood what could go horribly wrong, I did half white half black and had a checkerboard and had a vampire thing.

MARISHA: When you mean horribly wrong…

TALIESIN: I Bleached it, that doesn't feel happy, nope nope.

LIAM: Even while on this show, you had crazy braids.

TALIESIN: I did a braid, yeah.

LIAM: Then there's teen or early twenties—

TALIESIN:  I can tweet one later.

MARISHA: The prom picture, you had dark hair.

TALIESIN: Prom was white hair.

MARISHA: And a top hat?

LIAM: You had just your short regular hair. You ever had a shaved head?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I biced it. Had the Uncle Fester.

BRIAN: The problem is…

TALIESIN: No, I have a decent head shape. I look like a slightly angry Aleister Crowley.

BRIAN: You'll look like you're on American HIstory X.

TALIESIN: I shaved my head and immediately you become super polite to everyone. Especially when wearing a black trench coat everywhere. Thank you sir.

KIT: You shaved your head and became English.

BRIAN: Hey Kit! I Have a question for you.

KIT: Oh, okay.

BRIAN: UndercoverGoth wants to know.

LIAM: Didn't even see Taliesin have a phone.

BRIAN: When will we get updated character art with the vestiges.

KIT: Interesting you ask that because I just sent an e-mail this week asking if they wanted to go clothes shopping again.

MARISHA: I need to do some pinterest shopping.

KIT: We need to pinterest all the things.

LIAM: Alfalfa spike up the top.

BRIAN: I thought you said owl in the butt.

LIAM: that' what you wanted to hear.

BRIAN: I asked you earlier, just squeeze it in.

LIAM: This is a show.

MARISHA: owl in the butt, owl in the butt.

BRIAN: Marisha, question from Rhino 77.

MARISHA: 

BRIAN: Going off the rails on a crazy train…

TALIESIN: HOw did you lose this interview? Get it back.

BRIAN: If Keyleth's dad became incapacitated, Taliesin you know what that means, how hard would it be for her to take up his role?

MARISHA: He's also taking up his position because there is no headmaster so part of the Aramente is to train to do what he's doing. She would have to learn some diplomacy type of things, which is her whole arc, I think she could do it.

LIAM: She could do it

MARISHA: She could do it, right?

LIAM: Serious Naruto Airbender vibes off of her. Yeah, she's quirky, but she'd step up.

MARISHA: She's always going to be awkward and bumbly, but she can learn to overcome her weak points. I've gotten a lot of questions about her reverting. SHe's excited, she's not suddenly lost all the information she's gained because she's stepped on a pirate ship. SHe'll always be awkward and bumbly.

LIAM: Queen Elizabeth, blackadder.

KIT: That's one of my favorite things about Keyleth, though. They aren't one dimensional, they have their moments of super-serious. They can be regal and terrifying, they can also be derpy and silly and vulnerable. I think that's great – oh god, I can hear the reverb, that's unnerving.

TALIESIN: It's so pleasing.

KIT: It's the light and shade of it. Makes them more endearing.

LIAM: I think if you go back in time and watch King Arthur do his thing, he'd step on a rake and hit himself in the face once in a while. He wasn't an infallible being, he's steeped in legend, which we will be.This is D&D, where amazing things come out of the story. But it is also a game. It's not one or the other, it's both. If we can't use this game to bust our friends up and act like idiots, I don't want to play it. It turns on a dime from heartbreaking to derpy. I think that's the charm of the show.

MARISHA: For the average person, you're not serious and professional and dire all the time. I imagine you like to take a break on Saturday. It's just like Tyrion in Game of Thrones. We've seen him turn into a more coherent advisors. He still drinks and knows things. He has those humiliating moments, but it doesn't mean he hasn't progressed.

TALIESIN: I keep thinking about our characters in 50 years and I have a weird one: Yoda.

MARISHA: Totally!

TALIESIN: I can see Keyleth at 900 .

LIAM: That's perfect!

MARISHA: It all goes phenomenally well for Keyleth, she's that crazy old woman who lives in a tree.

TALIESIN: The tree.

MARISHA: The tree. That's a happy ending for her.

LIAM: THe grandmother in Moana turned up to 11.

MARISHA: THat's what I hope she is! I've seen some shit, but flowers, genocide, but flowers. THat's what I see her being. Kooky and insane.

LIAM: Vax hopes to send her off to ward that.

MARISHA: Sunset me? Nooooo.

BRIAN: Is that what Eskimos do to the elderly?

LIAM: Throw them off the side of a mountain?

BRIAN: How much has being on Talks Machina affected your choices in game?

LIAM: Not a whit.

BRIAN: What about being on this derpy ass, speaking of derpy. We try to avoid questions that are … y'know, you guys are so confident in where you're at and confident in the process, knowing you don't need to plan out what's going to happen to make it a good game.

LIAM: I've tried.

BRIAN: You've got six other people to make decisions that can fuck up.

TALIESIN: Man plans, god laughs.

BRIAN: Announcing your plans is good way to make god laugh.

KIT: I do laugh at you guys an awful lot.

BRIAN: For the whole cast, after Marisha's whiskey and something, what's the worst drink combo you've tried? Oh, KevdakPrescott, personally tequila and peppermint schnapps. You made a booboo, KevdakPrescott.

TALIESIN: I believe In you, KevdakPrescott. Do you remember the Delicious Sandwich at Bunker?

MARISHA: Nope.

TALIESIN: Three fingers of house whiskey followed by lukewarm grapefruit juice. The worst thing. No one was going to steal it from you, it was going to fuck you up, it was great.

MARISHA: Classic LA drink is LA Water. Have you had that?

LIAM: No.

MARISHA: It's a Long Island Iced Tea, with Blue "Ker-kow." "Kur-a-kow?" Curacao. That blue shit. David Caruso.

LIAM: Kurosawa.

KIT: I think bad drinks in LA is something you build up to. I remember when we came out, you guys served drinks stronger in the US than in the UK, because I ordered a Jack and Coke and I literally had to sit still for an hour while Taliesin laughed at me 'cause I couldn't see straight.

TALIESIN: You were adorable.

KIT: I think it's because you've all built up a tolerance to it.

BRIAN: We all tend to be honorary Kennedys out here.

TALIESIN: We've had some strong alcoholics in this city.

BRIAN: Kit, what Vox Machina NPC would you be inspired to draw next that you haven't done already and why?

KIT: Um…I know this is a crappy answer but I couldn't pick one because they're all so good. The way Matt pulls it out of the bag, he's so good at conveying an impression and I you're just sitting there going "Oh, I know how this person looks!" I've got this list of all the NPCs I haven't done yet and sometimes I'm a bit intimidated to do them. We get the episode a day after in the UK and I'll log into Twitter and I follow so many Critter artists and so many have done an interpretation already that I can't do anything new, "I'm just going to go home."

BRIAN: Who would you guys? I would say Cenokir.

LIAM: He's been mined heavily.

BRIAN: Not by Kit!

LIAM: Oh, KIt specifically? That's true.

TALIESIN: Raishan would be interesting.

MARISHA: Raishan would be good. Have you done Kima yet, Kit?

KIT: Yeah, I did Kima a little while ago, but I've seen a bunch of amazing interpretations of her. Maybe Cenokir next, then.

BRIAN: You're welcome, Kit.

KIT: Thanks, Brian, I'll take all my cues from you.

LIAM: Victor?

TALIESIN: I'll send you my new designs, I'm excited.

BRIAN: Someone asked if you had plans on Captain Adella.

KIT: Yeah I don't know if anyone's read the Gentlemen Bastard series by Scott Lynch, but there's a character in the second book that's a middle-aged black mum pirate captain that's amazing. It resonated, I could picture that. Adella's definitely on the list.

BRIAN: I can't wait to see it.

TALIESIN: I was picturing Tara in my head. Harley Quinn.

MARISHA: Tara Strand?

TALIESIN: No, not the voice actress.

MARISHA: Yeah, Tara Strand. Tara Strong's the voice actress. She's awesome.

BRIAN: Are we almost out of time, Max? We're almost out of time. From Blink, to the ships…to the ships!

TALIESIN: Oh, to the ships!

BRIAN: No, to the ships - do you prefer Vaxleth or Kikidan? Percahlia or …

MARISHA: Vaxleth.

BRIAN: Kit says "Perkalia"

KIT: It's an A after a C…

BRIAN: We don't speak the King's English here, Kit, we speak dogshit. We have to give a definitive answer.

LIAM: No we don't, who gives a shit?

BRIAN: I say Keyleth and Vax hereby are called…"Kevaxleth" and Percy and Vex are hereby known as…"VexPecs"

TALIESIN: So say we all.

LIAM: That kills it, just a little sprinkle of Travis for good measure.

BRIAN: Can always use a sprinkle of Travis.

LIAM: Ohhhh.

MARISHA: Doing his flower girl routine.

TALIESIN: Show me what you got.

BRIAN: Travis isn't watching this, know why?

MARISHA: He's watching…

TALIESIN: Sportsball.

BRIAN: It's leg day. That's all the time we have for tonight, folks.

MARISHA: Was that a joke or were you being serious?

LIAM: Bit of both.

BRIAN: Thank you again for joining us on Talks Machina After Dark.

TALIESIN: Leg Day edition.

BRIAN: Does that ever happen on autocorrect? Turns it into Talks Machine? Thanks again for watching Talks Machine After Dark on Alpha. Thank you to Courtney for collating questions on my iPad. Thank you to my guests. Thank you to you, viewer. Thank you to Kit, thank you so much, please go to bed. Watch Critical Role Thursday, watch Wednesday Club tomorrow! Who's on this week?

TALIESIN: Amy and Matt Key. We're going to talk Legion, the X-men show, a little Doom Patrol, a little Hank Pym. Mental health in comics.

LIAM: Have you been reading lots of wikipedia in preparation for the show?

TALIESIN: No, just Rick and Morty reruns.

MARISHA: But you have been reading comics for your whole life.

BRIAN: Season three's gonna be pretty good. Okay, that's it, good night Alpha, good night world, good night moon, good night girl, we'll see you next week.

MARISHA: Shit on the floor.

BRIAN: My dad's not a phone…