A Bard's Lament

is the eighty-fifth episode of the first campaign of Critical Role. Grog has a one-on-one rematch with Earthbreaker Groon. Vox Machina says farewell to a dear friend, but they meet someone new the very next day.

Announcements

 * Loot Crate is the sponsor for the evening. Sam delivered a message from the sponsor as surfer dude Rhodey Slater.
 * Nerdist will be doing a For Honor stream tomorrow. 9 AM - 12 PM Pacific time with Liam and Travis, then 12 PM - 3 PM with Travis, Taliesin, Sam, Marisha, and Matt.
 * WonderCon is April 1st, featuring Talks Machina live.
 * Signal Boost is back, with Darin De Paul kicking off the new season. Look for that on Tuesdays; the next two episodes will be Erika Ishii and then Amy Dallen.
 * Merch update: Dice bags are going fast. Shirts, hats, and patches are still available.

Part I
Grog faces off with Earthbreaker Groon. At first, Grog cannot hit him, his attacks all going wild while Groon simply stands there. Finally, he tries booping Groon on the nose to be sure that he's real. Groon then smiles and launches into a flurry of attacks. They trade blows for a while, each doing serious damage to the other. Grog gets knocked unconscious but comes back with Relentless Rage to finish the fight, knocking Groon out of the ring.

As Groon gets back up, a pair of lightning bolts come down from the top of the temple and strike Grog, causing his knuckles to glow; the vestige has become exalted. Grog shakes hands with Groon and limps out of the Trial Forge with the rest of Vox Machina.

Part II
The party wanders through the streets of Vasselheim and decides to go potion shopping. They find a storefront and go in, but the shopkeeper recognizes Vex and refuses to do business with her. He does offer a price to Grog for four healing potions. After a bit of argument, Vex lets Grog hand over 1500 coins for the potions. Vex then suggests they head back to Whitestone to check on Scanlan, and Keyleth opens a tree portal.

They go up to the castle and find that Kaylie has dozed off in Scanlan's room. Grog wakes her up, and Scanlan comes to at the commotion. He finds himself dressed in a nightgown, covered in pudding, with his hands bound over his head, as they had left him. Percy tells him that the dragon is dead, and Scanlan asks Kaylie to leave the room for a moment so he can have a conversation with his party members.

"What's my mother's name?"
With Kaylie out of the room, Scanlan confronts them for bringing her to see his dead body after he had promised her he wouldn't die. He tells them that none of them know or care about him; they only keep him around for the things he can do; that Kaylie was the only thing that mattered to him, and now she may never trust him again. Percy yells at him that he should be more of a father to her, then walks out the door, where he finds Kaylie waiting, listening to the whole thing.

As Percy leaves, Kaylie walks past him into the room, grabs her things, and asks Scanlan, "So, you coming?" Scanlan replies that he is and agrees to meet her downstairs. They say their goodbyes. Vex gives him one of the two gate stones; with that, Scanlan leaves the castle with Kaylie.

Percy goes to find Grog, and they briefly consider sending guards to stop Scanlan from leaving or tail him on his way out of the city. Keyleth, Vex, Vax, and Pike reflect on what just happened and what comes next for them. Grog goes off to find a house of lady favors and everyone else goes drinking.

"This is going to be fun, fun, fun!"
The next morning, the remainder of the group brings Gilmore to look at one of the books they found in Raishan's lair. Gilmore says the book may be informative but would cost something to anyone who reads it. Keyleth scries on Scanlan and sees him with Kaylie in a forest south of Whitestone, the two of them smiling and enjoying being on the road together.

They decide to visit Marquet as their next step, to deliver Ripley's hand to Treev Bonebreaker. Keyleth opens a tree portal to the Suncut Bazaar. They go through and make their way to the Debt's Respite tavern, where Treev works.

Just outside the tavern, they come across a tall, golem-like construct clutching a leather tome, next to a dashing human man with blond hair and a goatee. The man looks them over and hails them, introducing himself as Taryon Darrington, or Tary to his friends.

Tary, it happens, is an adventurer who has been traveling the country in search of things to do. The last group he hired had been killed, so he is now looking to hire a new group. His golem, Doty, transcribes all his adventures in an as-yet-untitled book. Vox Machina take an instant dislike to him (except for Grog, who is unabashedly impressed by Tary's gear), but Vex agrees to let him tag along on their adventures for a fee of 50,000 gold. They carry on into the Debt's Respite.

Vox Machina

 * Keyleth
 * Percival de Rolo
 * Scanlan Shorthalt
 * Grog Strongjaw
 * Pike Trickfoot (DM-controlled)
 * Trinket (within Raven's Slumber; indirectly mentioned by Taryon)
 * Vax'ildan
 * Vex'ahlia

New

 * Taryon Darrington
 * Doty

Returning

 * Cidrick Gillsman
 * Shaun Gilmore
 * Earthbreaker Groon
 * Kaylie
 * The Sun Tree (used as transportation; did not speak)

Mentioned

 * Treev Bonebreaker
 * Cassandra de Rolo
 * Kord
 * Raishan
 * The Raven Queen
 * Anna Ripley
 * Eskil Ryndarien
 * Thordak
 * Allura Vysoren
 * Juniper Shorthalt

Quotations
Vax: Pouring it on a little thick, friend. What's up? Taryon: Doty, come here, will you? Take this down. Vex: (sarcastically) They're all very clever. Percy: The Daring Trials and Tribulations of Taryon Darrington. Taryon: That's fantastic! Doty, please write that down. Percy: (sighs) Vax: What a dillweed... Taryon: This is going to be fun, fun, fun!
 * Scanlan: You like me because I make jokes, and I play songs, and I give you a warm place to stay at night, and I feed you fucking chicken, and I heal you in battle. But you don't really care about me. Come on. Let's be honest with each other. You don't really give a shit about me. [ ... ] We traveled into the fucking nine hells to get Pike a set of armor. We went and battled a city of vampires so Percy could feel good about his name. We fought goliaths for Grog. We've traveled across planes of existence so you could fix your fucking daddy issues. But you've never done anything for me. Ever! You've never risked anything, you don't know me, you don't know anything about me. What's my mother's name? What's her name? Easy question. Died in front of me. Killed by a goblin. Biggest part of my life. What's her name? My father. Is he alive or dead? How old am I? Where's my fucking dog? [ ... ] It's fine. I'm just a little hungover from being dead, and I just have been thinking for a while, and, you know. Grog has Pike. Vax has Keyleth. Percy has Vex. But Scanlan has no one, and I had one chance at one real relationship with my daughter, and I feel like you've gone and fucked it up, too. Because you don't really know me, and you don't really know what my relationship is with her, and what I've promised her, or anything, really. And it's fine. When I met you all, I was just a funny little man playing songs, and that's all I'll ever really be. And that's okay, because I can take care of myself.
 * Taryon: You there! You lot! Hello! Wow! Who are you all? Look at this, magical items from head to toe. Why, I've never seen anything quite like it.
 * Taryon: I haven't settled on a title yet. It will either be-- Tary's Adventures. It's sort of lame, sort of lame. Or it could be Daring Adventures of Darrington or it could be Tarry On with Taryon. Or something like that. I'm working on the title -- I have a while to finish it.
 * Taryon: And with that, we embarked on our new adventure! The Adventures of-- what was it again?

Trivia

 * This is the first episode in which one player plays multiple characters, as Sam plays both Scanlan and Taryon.