Transcript:Dark Waters

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

TRAVIS: (hollering) We play Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT: Just like that. Before we get into tonight's session, we have a few announcements to get through, beginning with our fantastic sponsor for tonight, our friends since the beginning of Campaign Two, D&D Beyond. Sam.

TRAVIS: ♪ D&D Beyond! ♪

SAM: D&D Beyond! Thanks to D&D Beyond for continuing to support the show. The Wildemount Campaign Guide is only a few short weeks away from being released. Go grab it and find out more at dndbeyond.link-- (chair scraping)

LAURA: Sorry.

SAM: Dot link. /criticalrole. To celebrate this amazing literary achievement, I'm going to present to you a musical spectacle tonight that you've never seen before. We have-- D&D Beyond has a theme song that I, Sam Riegel, wrote, recorded, and vocalized. But Ashley Johnson is such a beloved fan of the song, that she does not know how the melody goes.

ASHLEY: Yeah, it's crazy how much I've listened to it and know it so well.

SAM: So tonight, I proudly present, Ashley Johnson singing the D&D Beyond theme song a capella.

ASHLEY: A capella?!

SAM: Yeah, a capella. Without having listened to it ahead of time.

TRAVIS: Yep, the immediate reaction.

MARISHA: Yeah!

SAM: She's got the lyrics. She can use them if she needs them, but I know she's such a huge fan of the show and the song she won't need them. Take it away, Ashley.

ASHLEY: ♪ You got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪

(laughter)

SAM: Close.

ASHLEY: ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're so disorganized ♪

SAM: Hey, that was pretty good!

ASHLEY: ♪ You click open a web page ♪

SAM: That's the same.

ASHLEY: ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪

SAM: That's good.

ASHLEY: ♪ And now you're ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In a mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ There it is.

LAURA and ASHLEY: ♪ It's D&D ♪

ASHLEY: ♪ D&D Beyond ♪

SAM: That's good, that's good!

ASHLEY: ♪ D&D ♪

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: ♪ D&D ♪

ASHLEY: ♪ You've got your staffs ♪ ♪ You've got your swords ♪ ♪ You got your stuffs ♪ (laughter) ♪ And you got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It's D&D ♪

MARISHA: ♪ D&D ♪

ASHLEY: ♪ D&D ♪

TRAVIS: (drum fill)

ASHLEY: ♪ D&D Beyond! ♪

(applause)

SAM: Yay, Ashley! It was a pitch perfect performance.

ASHLEY: Yeah, thank you so much.

SAM: So good, thank you.

LIAM: The cutest thing that ever happened.

ASHLEY: I know it well.

TALIESIN: That was amazing.

SAM: Oh, thank you, Ashley. Thank you, D&D Beyond. Matt, back to you.

ASHLEY: I can't wait to listen to that song.

MATT: It's going up on Spotify next week.

SAM: Can someone can throw some instruments under it?

MATT: Yeah. Yeah, one of you Critters out there, mix your own version of Ashley Johnson's D&D Beyond.

ASHLEY: No, don't you do it. We don't need it.

TRAVIS: No, no.

MATT: If I have to suffer through Sam's shirts every week.

ASHLEY: Fair enough.

MATT: I'm dragging you with me. Thank you, D&D Beyond, for your fantastic support. And super excited for the Wildemount Campaign Guide, The Explorer's Guide to Wildemount comes out in, like, less than two weeks. That's insane. So excited for you guys to check it out. It's a lot of hard work from a lot of great people and myself. I'm really proud of it. And hope you guys enjoy it. So if you haven't pre-ordered it yet, you can still, or buy it when it comes out at your friendly local game store. Couple other announcements. (laughs) There you go.

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Big thanks to all the fantastic Critters that came out to C2E2.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: As well as our live show last Thursday. Thank you for your patience, as there were issues with the ticketing system and other things that ended up causing this huge delay. So thank you so much for your patience in very, very harsh weather. That sucked. And we are so glad that you guys made it and it was a great show. Thank you for attending it, and thank you guys for watching it.

TRAVIS: The energy was so good.

MATT: I know.

LAURA: It was so much fun.

MATT: I do want to say, though, our hearts, here at Critical Role, do go out to everyone in Nashville who've suffered and been devastated by these tornadoes recently. If you're able to, please consider donating to any of the reputable nonprofit organizations that are working to help provide aid for the people in need and provide assistance in those areas. We like the Community Foundation of Middle Tennessee, so you can make a donation, if you'd like to there, at cfmt.org. But do your research and find the right folks to donate to. But thank you for helping out. Laura, you have an announcement.

LAURA: I do!

SAM: Balls, balls, balls.

LAURA: No, there's a couple good ones in here. There's my announcement. Um, no. You guys might have noticed, in the store, right now. We got some shirts available. We got-- okay, wait, hold on.

TALIESIN: I'm waiting. I'm not going to do anything.

LAURA: The US one first. This is by Bryan Weiss. He's done our other shirts for us. (cheering) This is in Zemnian and in Common! What does it say, Caleb?

LIAM: Well, it says-- woo-szuh bah!

MARISHA: Ooh!

TRAVIS: Oh!

LIAM: Zuhause liegt im Herzen. Which is a close approximation of "home is where the heart is."

(awwing)

LAURA: Yeah, so this was--

LIAM: On fire.

LAURA: -- conceptualized by Liam O'Brien, which is pretty freaking cool. And then for our special UK shoppers, we've got another one. It's the same shirt, but it's-- it's different color.

ALL: (oohing and aahing)

SAM: It looks British.

LAURA: Doesn't it? This one's got an accent.

MATT: Like it has history.

SAM: Uh-huh. Yep. It's a little bit smarter than the other one.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Those are our shirts and that are available. We also have, which something I've been wanting to have for a very long time, are some stickers.

SAM: We got stickers!

LAURA: We got vinyl stickers by Jenny Park. They're the same-- oh! (laughter) I'm opening them, so this are mine now. So we got our Mighty Nein logo, and we got all of the chibi people!

(cheering)

SAM: What can you stick them on, Laura?

LAURA: You can stick them on anything!

ASHLEY: Could I stick it on my water bottle?

LAURA: You could definitely stick it on your water bottle.

SAM: Right now?

LAURA: Sure. They're vinyl.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I'm going to die.

SAM: That's the slogan.

TALIESIN: "They're vinyl!"

TRAVIS: Ding!

LAURA: So yeah. Go look at store.

MATT: Thank you, Laura.

LAURA: You're welcome.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Oh, that's so cute!

TRAVIS: Which one'd you pick?

TALIESIN: Clay.

SAM: Aww.

LAURA: Aw, I was going to pick my own character. MATT: It's going to be a shame when I kill him.

SAM: No, no that's--

TRAVIS: What'd you say?! MATT: I didn't say anything.

TALIESIN: No. Ah!

MATT: Anyway, I believe that's the end of our announcements. So let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

(growls) (water bubbles) (thunder rumbling) (explosion booming) ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Mighty Nein ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware 'cause you're about to be dead ♪ ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don't see over there ♪ ♪ There's a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting ♪ ♪ Rise up, don't think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands, ♪ ♪ Take a chance, roll the dice ♪ ♪ (Roll the dice) Critical Role ♪ ♪ (Roll the dice) Critical Role ♪ ♪ (Roll the dice) Critical Role ♪ ♪ Ooh, aah ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call ♪ ♪ Diggin' deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it's your turn, (your turn, your turn) ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (flames whooshing)

Part I
MATT: Wow.

TALIESIN: I’ve been holding onto that for a while.

MATT: Welcome back. So, last we left off: The Mighty Nein had returned to Nicodranas, to prepare their travel towards the negotiation between the Kryn Dynasty and the Dwendalian Empire. Upon arriving and settling yourselves, you, one, discovered that on one of the vessels, which was built by and belongs to the Cerberus Assembly, that a few members were present, as well as a new figure that you had not encountered before. After a bit of monkey espionage, you revealed this individual to be Essek in disguise, who revealed to have some connection with the Cerberus Assembly. As the intrigue continued to spread, you completed the Transmogrification spell on Nott with the curse lifted, and restored Veth Brenatto as she was always meant to be.

After a bit of shopping, you also were invited to a party at the local Marquis’s estate, and upon attending, you convinced Marion Lavorre to go and perform. Through a series of spells, Beau had a very interesting altered experience. Some fancy dress was purchased and designed by Caduceus and Jester--

LAURA: Yay!

MATT: --and upon realizing that Essek within the illusory form was attempting to escape when pressured at the party, you managed to subdue him and escort him to your ship at the docks. There, an interrogation led you to some revelations, some emotions, and where we left off, a bit of a climactic conversation continues. So, as now all of you there, dressed to the nines–

TALIESIN and TRAVIS: Neins!

MATT: – in the shadowed gun deck of the Ball-Eater, Essek sits upon the crate as you all surround and inquire. You had just made an invitation to the Mighty Nein to Essek as a thank you. Essek, at this point, looks up to you, Veth, and kind of "(chuckles) (sighs)".

SAM: Oh, and also, I’m the goblin, from before.

MATT: “Right. I assume it worked, then, yes?”

LIAM: Ja, we removed the impediment we discussed with you, ja.

MATT: "I gathered."

LAURA: Yeah, we broke my mom’s tub doing– (gasps) Mama! I gotta go! I gotta go! I gotta go! I run out of the room.

MATT: Okay. "Very well, it is--"

TRAVIS: I'll go, I’ll chase after her.

TALIESIN: Is this the thing we’re doing, or–

SAM: No, no, no. This is important. We should stay here.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: “I appreciate what you’re saying. I am thankful that you have a modicum of faith in me, undeserving as I might be. It is in that interest that I want to warn you about getting too close. I am tied to a lot of dangerous individuals, and teeter in the shadows at the crux of all of this conflict, intentional as it may not have been. I would never want to put you in a situation, or put myself in a situation, where I would have to choose between myself and the rest of you.”

LIAM: Why don’t you talk us through the next few days and weeks?

MATT: “Well, I currently exist in a delicate balance with the Cerberus Assembly, for either could reveal this charade to the detriment of the other. There is respect, I believe, at least on an intellectual level, but I am but one working across from many. I think my utility with the Assembly, continuing to cover up this endeavor from the inside of the Dynasty, as well as my insights into the dunamantic interests, make me too valuable at the moment to be... buried. That doesn’t mean that I can stop being paranoid. Nor can I assume that my presence here doesn’t put you in continuous danger, either. So, in time, I hope this will pass. But for now, I will continue to escort a handful of Assembly members to this negotiation, and if you are indeed coming with your ship as well, we will be nearby. We will oversee the transference of the beacon to the Dynasty, as well as the trade of the prisoners. Some discussions and agreements will hopefully come to bear, and to bring the outer conflict, the public conflict to an end. After which, I stay quiet. I go back to the Dynasty, the Assembly returns to their research, and we continue as if none of this had happened.”

SAM: Well, it’s hard to forecast out past the next few days. But– I mean, let’s not kid ourselves. At some point, someone is going to have to pay for some of the damage that has been done.

MATT: “I admire your sense of heroism, but history is full of people who have not paid for their sins.”

MARISHA: It’s full with a lot of people who have.

TALIESIN: Or some who have paid for others.

MATT: “Some.”

SAM: And while we feel a kinship towards you, and apparently you toward us, unless you’re lying about that, there’s nothing necessarily stopping us from enacting justice on other folks who have been involved in this scheme.

MATT: “I am not going to get in the way of any perceived vengeances. Just know that it is safest that I not involve myself in particular--”

SAM: Of course.

MATT: “–in such endeavors.”

SAM: It might help us, though, if we knew if there were any members of the Cerberus Assembly or anyone that you are particularly beholden to, or allied with that we should steer clear of, or be especially mindful of?

MATT: “The Martinet is extremely intelligent, and very resourceful. So the less that can be revealed to him, the safest we all are. Lady Vess DeRogna is clever in her own way, and I am curious as to what her involvement is to the Biting North in particular. That may or may not be involved in this, but I trust her less than most, I think.”

LIAM: Are you prepared for all of this to go sideways on you?

MATT: “Always. I have been since the three years since we began this plot.”

LIAM: I feel conflicted about this, but would like to see even a temporary end to conflict.

MATT: “Well, outwardly.”

MARISHA: Why do you keep saying that? What does that mean?

MATT: “I would hope that in your studies within the Cobalt Soul, you would understand that conflict is perpetual.”

MARISHA: I do. I’m just curious what your brand is.

LIAM: Well, he has acknowledged that they are keeping one of these artifacts in the Empire, and they are not doing it for posterity’s sake.

MATT: “I mean, there has been a shadow war between the Dynasty and the Empire for decades. This is just the first time that it’s brimmed out of the control of those that waged it.”

TALIESIN: When the Dynasty finds out that there’s another artifact...

MATT: “They cannot.”

TALIESIN: WHEN they find out.

MATT: “Then let’s hope we are far away, and well-protected, when it happens.”

TALIESIN: Let’s hope it takes a very long time. Or that it makes its way home without anyone ever having to admit it was gone in the first place.

LIAM: It doesn’t seem like you have a choice here. You seem fairly well painted into a corner.

MATT: “So it would seem. But I’ve gotten this far by leaning into my resources. I know I can protect myself. I don’t think I can protect all of you. And that is why I’m worried.”

LIAM: Well, I would just hope that if things go pear-shaped on us, counter to how you hope and believe things will go, if your life is in danger and our lives as well, that you are willing to work with your friends to survive it.

MATT: “To survive it, yes.”

LIAM: Make no mistake. We do not trust you.

MATT: “Good. That’ll help you survive.

LIAM: It doesn’t mean we don’t hope for you. It’s a tricky balance, Essek.

MATT: “Isn’t everything? (sighs) Even if this is successful, and the war is declared over, that doesn’t mean everything goes back to normal. The tangled espionage between both sides of this has gone on for long and will continue to go. The Augen Trust is deeply ingrained, as is the Lens, and we just have to be careful who we tell anything to. My recommendation is nothing to anyone.”

SAM: Well, if there’s anything that we are adept at, it’s being careful and keeping information close to the vest.

TALIESIN: (chuckles) Oh.

MATT: “We are in so much trouble.”

TALIESIN: That was serious.

LIAM: And there’s no one else? No one else has your ear in this way?

MATT: “No.”

LIAM: No.

TALIESIN: At least try to keep us informed.

MATT: “Of course. To the best of my ability.”

TALIESIN: Of course.

MATT: “Once again, for whatever it’s worth, I am sorry.”

TALIESIN: Apology accepted, at least from here.

MARISHA: He doesn’t speak for all of us.

TALIESIN: I definitely do not.

MARISHA: Why don’t you get some rest, Essek?

MATT: “You do the same. The night is still young, and I would hate for you to waste such a polished presentation.” He ets up off his crate and glides back to his faint hover. “Good night.” His illusion once more transitions to the blond elven figure that he’s been masquerading as since his arrival in Nicodranas. He waits tensely to make sure that he can leave.

LIAM: If you truly hope for a second chance, truly, step very carefully with us.

SAM: Glide.

MATT: And he just leaves.

SAM: Well that’s a pickle.

MARISHA: What the fuck.

TALIESIN: Is it?

MATT: Make a history check.

MARISHA: Oh. Okay.

LAURA and MARISHA: Eh-ooh-ahh.

LIAM: Answer your own question.

MARISHA: 23.

MATT: Okay. You did hear him mention the Augen Trust and the Lens.

SAM: He said “the Lens”. What is that?

MARISHA: Did you say the Og..

MATT: The Augen Trust, which you know is– because there’s been a lot of– they’re a competitive force with the Cobalt Soul in the sense that they are the Crown’s spy network.

TRAVIS: Augen Trust.

MARISHA: On the Dy–

MATT: On the Empire side. And it’s often that the Cobalt Soul and the Augen Trust butt heads, and sometimes find themselves in similar spaces going for similar information for different reasons, and are very competitive and tense about achieving their own unique means.

SAM: So the Cobalt Soul is an independent organization?

TALIESIN: Yep.

TRAVIS: Yes. Not affiliated with anyone.

SAM: Wow. I thought it was like loosely Empire.

MATT: In the sense that it’s an approved religious institution within the Empire, that works alongside, in some ways, but is very much– presents itself as a subtle check and balance to the Empire, and the Empire does not necessarily appreciate that, and there’s pushback on both sides in this really strange in-between space.

TALIESIN: They’re international, too, as well, the Cobalt--

MATT: Correct. Correct.

MARISHA: And the Lens?

MATT: The Lens is the Bright Queen’s spy network in the Dynasty.

TALIESIN: That’s a good name.

MATT: And so his talk of shadow wars and espionage... in your mind, you immediately begin to put together that this is–

MARISHA: What he was talking about.

MATT: Yeah. This is kind of what he was referring to.

MARISHA: Cold war all the time.

MATT: At least in recent times.

MARISHA: Interesting. Okay.

LIAM: Well, nothing changes if everybody’s on the up and up.

TALIESIN: I think if anything, this illuminates a bunch of mysteries pretty thoroughly. It’s on a certain level the best this could have possibly worked out. We now know why they had two. We now know what they were hiding. This is– this feels helpful.

LIAM: Well, it’s a moment in time. The Empire is obviously trying to leverage their possession for a later day. An end to killing for now is better than no end to the killing.

TALIESIN: Always.

LIAM: But as far as this meeting goes, I will happily be mistaken, but I find it hard to believe the Martinet and his friends are genuine in their intentions.

SAM: Of course not.

LIAM: I still fear for the artifact they are returning. The Beacon. I worry they have tampered with it somehow.

SAM: But we need to be close to the action when this meeting takes place, now more than ever.

MARISHA: We should probably discuss that and make a little bit of a plan that we definitely will not follow.

SAM: Sure. That’s what we do. But if all goes well, and there’s a temporary truce, or whatever, then maybe afterwards we can use this information to bring some folks on the Empire side to justice.

TALIESIN: I’m not on board for that.

SAM: What?

TALIESIN: I’m not interested in– I don’t understand what it’s for.

SAM: Well, they’ve done horrible evil things that killed thousands of people.

TALIESIN: What if in our search for punishment we create more horrible evil things? What if we re-ignite the war?

LIAM: I think that is very likely, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: I will not stand by and let someone’s desire to feel better get in the way of–

SAM: You can stand by and–

TALIESIN: –and end more lives.

SAM: You can just watch bad people get away with it?

TALIESIN: They did what they did. All we can do– the best we can do, I think, is stop it. I don’t see the sense in risking other people. If there’s a way to do it that’s safe, that maintains the peace, certainly. But I don’t see that.

MARISHA: Maybe there is a way.

TALIESIN: You’re smarter than I am. Do you see a way of enacting vengeance or justice or whatever you want to call it that will make the dead feel better? Will make the living feel better? Will create more broken lives? I just don’t see what it’s for. I’m happy to learn, but it just sounds like more chaos.

MARISHA: Sometimes justice can bring closure, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: The only thing I’ve found that brings closure is when everyone’s finally in the ground. From my experience.

LIAM: We have no choice but to see this meeting through.

TALIESIN: Of course.

MARISHA: Yasha, you’ve spent time, most of your life in the Dynasty. What do you think? Both sides are guilty here, deeply.

ASHLEY: Yeah, both sides are guilty. I think I just had a different experience with it. My tribe floated across the lands without any connection to either side. I don’t quite know where I stand on this, to be honest.

MARISHA: Yeah, me neither. And that’s really weird for me.

TALIESIN: I feel no obligation to the guilty, but I do feel it to the innocent.

SAM: Maybe it’s because I have a personal connection here, but my husband was kidnapped and imprisoned, partially due to this. By Essek’s people. I’d love to get him some payback for that.

TALIESIN: Does your husband want payback?

SAM: I don’t want to speak for him, but... Yes!

MARISHA: There might be a way to do this. Slowly and over time. But not now. Not anytime soon.

LIAM: I agree. I think if we blow this wide open now– and I fault our country far more heavily than the Dynasty– but if we try to grasp justice wildly now, as you say, Caduceus, it will spark the conflict. More people will die. I think we try to bring this day through, and then find a way to surgically remove the problem after the fact, rather than just blasting it wide open.

MARISHA: No, that would be really dumb.

TALIESIN: Be gentle in your motives, is all I ask. Always– it’s always worth thinking about what you really want. It’s the only thing that really matters.

LIAM: I want the murderers removed from power in my country.

TALIESIN: Why? Really. Why?

LIAM: Because I’m tired of children being thrown on the pyre.

TALIESIN: That’s what you really don’t want. That’s what you want, though. You want no more children on the pyre. Always remember that. You don’t want to punish the people who made you. You want to make sure that no one else makes you. You’ll get there quicker.

LIAM: I don’t know, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Me neither. I’ll try and help. No more children. That, I can get behind.

ASHLEY: I can get behind that as well.

MARISHA: Speaking of children, I wonder if Jester’s found her mom yet?

SAM: I’m sure she has. Dissolve to...

(Laughter)

LAURA: I run back to the house.

MATT: After rushing through the night streets of Nicodranas, the distant sound of high tide waves crashing on the shore getting more and more distant as you pass through the Opal Archways, you come to the soft distant sound of music.

TRAVIS: (panting) Slow down! Slow down, this hat has incredible wind drag.

(laughter)

LAURA: Just take it off already! Just take the hat off!

TRAVIS: But you bought this for me!

LAURA: Fjord, look at me.

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: It was a joke.

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: The hat was a joke.

TRAVIS: It can’t be. I’ve gotten so many compliments on it tonight. It’s part of my look.

LAURA: If you like it, embrace it. But I got it as a joke.

TRAVIS: Fuck this hat! (Takes it off and tosses it)

SAM: Mrrrow!

MATT: Killed Frumpkin.

LAURA: Do we hear her singing still?

MATT: No.

LAURA: Fuck!

MATT: You rush up to the gates, and the guards are there, and you see that there’s still people in the courtyard that are currently still talking amongst themselves. There’s soft music playing. The guards step aside and let you enter the courtyard. You quickly glance across the entire crew and you do notice your mother is currently surrounded by a group of six or seven people. There's laughter and she’s talking, and she has a wine flute in her hand, and immediately she locks eyes with you across the way and goes, “Jester! I was wondering where you went.”

LAURA: I got pulled away for a conversation, but you sounded beautiful, Mama.

MATT: "Thank you very much."

LAURA: You’re occupied. Do you want to continue?

MATT: “Honestly, this has been very nice. I am missing the comfort of my own room. But thank you, everyone. It has been a pleasure. To the Marquis.” And she gives a nod.

LAURA: If you enjoyed her company, come and see her at the Lavish Chateau! She appears there (mumbling) every other night, still? I don’t remember. You should check it out.

MATT: “Thank you, Jester.”

LAURA: Of course.

MATT: She turns and and a few people wave and she hands her glass over to one of the guards, who’s like, “I don’t know what to do with this,” and he just holds it. And strolls out toward the edge of the gate, takes a breath, puts her arm around yours, and then pushes into the night, back towards the Chateau.

LAURA: Fjord, walk on the other side of her. It’s helpful.

TRAVIS: Oh, yes. Mm-hmm.

MATT: “Thank you so much. (sighs) Well, that was very exhilarating.”

LAURA: I’m very proud of you.

MATT: “Thank you.”

LAURA: Everyone was so enthralled.

MATT: “Yeah. But that’s what I do. Thank you for helping me with that.”

LAURA: Of course. I’m sorry we had to step away for a moment.

MATT: “I’m sure you had your reasons. Thank you for your help.”

TRAVIS: Of course. Beau and I were able to stay for a bit more of your performance before the night really kicked into a different gear. It was thrilling though. I can see where Jester gets all of her exuberance and personality. It was quite amazing.

MATT: “Thank you very much. What happened to your hat?”

TRAVIS: You know, it was such a hit, someone just up and snatched that bitch in the middle of the party.

MATT: “That is unfortunate.”

TRAVIS: I agree. It was such–

MATT: “I could have another one made for you.”

TRAVIS: (high-pitched) Oh. Could you?

(laughter)

MATT: “I’ll pull some strings.”

LAURA: Yes, and then you’ll have to wear it all the time, Fjord, because it will be a gift from Mama.

TRAVIS: (strained) Oh, I would love that.

MATT: “I can see your discomfort. Do not worry. It’s okay.”

TRAVIS: Oh, no, I–

LAURA: Just give in, Fjord. Just say it’s okay. Don’t do it.

TRAVIS: Oh, don’t do it? Or do it?

LAURA: Don’t do it.

TRAVIS: Fuck, what?

LAURA: Let what you want be known to the world.

TRAVIS: I really don’t wear a hat very well. It’s not–

LAURA: Well, that’s not true. You looked fabulous in it. But I know you–

TRAVIS: Well, fucking pick one. Which one is it? Am I wearing it or not?

LAURA: You don’t have to wear it.

TRAVIS: I don’t wear hats very–

LAURA: Unless you really want to. I mean, I don’t want to–

TRAVIS: I’ll take the hat. Rush delivery.

MATT: “So be it.” You guys head back to the Chateau, escort her back to her room. It’s pretty late now in the evening, but she goes ahead and--

LIAM: (whispered) Was that conversation too real?

MATT: –kisses you goodnight. “Thank you again. I am, as Jester would say, just pooped."

SAM and LAURA: Piew-ped.

MATT: "Piew-ped. Goodnight.”

LAURA: Goodnight, Mama.

MATT: And she closes the door.

LAURA: Thank you, Fjord.

TRAVIS: You’re welcome. She’s a charming woman. I can see why she has all the suitors and attention every night.

LAURA: Yeah, everyone really loves her. Yeah.

TRAVIS: I can’t feel my hamstrings. I think I pulled something as we were running.

LAURA: We can walk much slower back.

TRAVIS: Do you mind?

LAURA: Not at all.

TRAVIS: This coat does not breathe. It’s lovely, but fuck.

LAURA: I wonder what they all decided.

TRAVIS: Who? Oh, yes! Should we head back to the docks?

LAURA: I mean, probably. I guess I can send a message to everyone, see where they are now.

TRAVIS: It’s so strange when the message doesn’t come from you. It’s very alienating. I think everyone’s just used to hearing you send messages. Caleb sent me one. It sent this night down a whole other rabbit trail.

LAURA: Oh, really?

TRAVIS: Yep.

LAURA: Yeah, you and Beau seemed a little...

TRAVIS: Beau was tripping balls! There was all sorts of things. She was swinging at stuff that wasn’t there.

LAURA: Really?

TRAVIS: Yeah, we unmasked a dragonborn fellow, I turned around, and he just– poof! He was gone!

LAURA: What?

TRAVIS: I know.

LAURA: What the heck was going on?

TRAVIS: I don’t know.

LAURA: I was just trying to talk to Essek and then all this hell broke loose.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we thought we’d keep an eye on the room, and we thought we were doing the real investigative digging. Turns out, nope, we’re just fucking things up.

LAURA: I was going to talk to him and then start talking about how much I liked Essek, and then all of a sudden, Nott had paralyzed him or something. I don’t remember. It was weird.

TRAVIS: Nott paralyzed Essek?

LAURA: I think so?

TRAVIS: That sounds about right.

LAURA: Then Caleb, you know, put him in chains. So.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Should we get that fellow down from the balcony that was harassing your mother?

LAURA: Ooh. I should have told Mama about that.

TRAVIS: I mean, there’s no way they could trace that back to you, though.

LAURA: Oh, well, I’m pretty sure he saw it was me, and I’m pretty sure the spell’s probably worn off by now, and I’m pretty sure it’s exactly what I did before, so yeah, he’s going to be pretty pissed.

TRAVIS: I think we actually went up there and tried to scare him a little bit, so maybe he’ll keep his mouth shut.

LAURA: Oh, good.

MATT: The good news is... No. No, it’s worn off.

LIAM: Nope, no good news.

MATT: Never mind. No good news.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Good. Good.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: You look lovely this evening.

LAURA: Oh, thank you.

TRAVIS: You did a good job. We should make this our new vibe.

LAURA: Our new look? We should be in formal wear all the time.

TRAVIS: I don’t know. I think people actually paid us respect.

LAURA: Well, you do look quite dashing. You look like a captain.

TRAVIS: Thank you. Without the hat?

LAURA: Without the hat.

TRAVIS: Yeah, because I went up to Captain Deremi and guess what? No fucking hat.

LAURA: Well, maybe a smaller hat. That one was really big.

TRAVIS: He’s a dwarf. He didn’t have a hat.

LAURA: You don't have--

LAURA and TRAVIS: (random interrupting sounds)

LAURA: Whatever.

TRAVIS: (chicken cluck)

(laughter)

LAURA: Hold on, I'm going to send a message. “Hey everyone! Are you still at the docks? Or are you coming back to the Chateau? Or where should we meet you? Is (whispers) Essek (normal volume) still around? Or what’s going on?”

SAM: Who did you send that to?

MATT: Who did you send that to?

LAURA: Veth.

SAM: Aah! Aaaah! Essek gone–

LAURA: She screamed a couple times. Essek is gone.

SAM: Us en route to Chateau.

LAURA: Oh, she’s really bad at this.

SAM: Stopping for quick bite.

LAURA: Oh.

SAM: Tell if you need us pick up anything. Fire bad!

LAURA: Yeah, she suggested before that I use less words and make more ideas present, but it was very confusing when she just did it. I think they’re going to get some dinner or something. But she didn’t say where.

TRAVIS: Oh shit. I mean, do we want to-- can you send another one?

LAURA: (sighs) As long as we go to sleep.

TRAVIS: Or, you know, we could just grab a bite.

LAURA: Yeah, I mean, they’re on their way back. We might as well just go get something. Maybe we’ll find them there,

TRAVIS: You have a favorite spot around here?

LAURA: I didn’t really go out very much for food...

TRAVIS: Oh, that’s right, you hid. We could order in.

LAURA: Yeah, they’ve got wonderful food downstairs.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay. All right, we’re going to go downstairs, and eat at the Chateau.

MATT: All right, so you guys have a Chateau dinner. The rest of you guys. What are you doing?

SAM: We’re walking back.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: (plucked bass notes)

MATT: So you’re picking up a snack on the way? Sure.

TRAVIS, ASHLEY, and TALIESIN: (plucked bass notes)

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: All right.

SAM: We're going to a herring stand.

MATT: All right, the fish market, real popular recently. Okay, you guys come back to the Chateau, and you catch up as Jester and Fjord are eating, finishing up their meal down within the main area, which is mostly empty now.

SAM: Is it candlelit? Is it– are we walking in on anything?

LAURA: We’re just sitting at a table having some food.

TRAVIS: Do you want some ice cream?

SAM: (gasps) Oh! Hi! Hi.

LAURA: They have really good ice cream here. How did it go?

SAM: So good.

TALIESIN: I mean, all things considered.

LIAM: It’s pretty delicate, actually. We let him go.

TRAVIS: Oh.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Alive?

LIAM: For now.

LAURA: Well, yeah, he’s...

TRAVIS: I'm just--

LAURA: Yeah, okay.

TALIESIN: (after Liam mimes setting Essek’s head on the table) Out to sea. Be free.

SAM: We’re going to keep our eye on him. We’re going to make sure that this truce thing happens and then afterwards, there’s a bit of an internal debate about whether we are going to go on the trail of blood and redemption and justice, or if we are going to simply turn a blind eye to all of the wrongs that have been committed in the last few years. Or somewhere in between. At the end, there was sort of floated an idea that we would become an elite ninja force that would go in and just very quietly kill those, or at least capture those who were responsible without causing any other ripples in the society.

LAURA: Ooh, I like being a task force. Let’s be a task force!

LIAM: It was a little more nuanced than that.

TRAVIS: Whose idea was the ninja force?

MARISHA: That was...(stuttering).

SAM: That was Caleb's. I think it was Caleb.

LAURA: Caleb, you’re so smart! That sounds like so much fun!

TRAVIS: You have access to ninja training?

SAM: Bop bop!

LAURA: You know what? I could probably get some costumes made for us...

TALIESIN: I feel like both sides of that debate were a little more nuanced, but yeah.

LIAM: I think we clearly need to let off a little bit of steam. This has been a very long day.

TALIESIN: Very long day.

TRAVIS: Can I ask– Did you believe him when you let him go?

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: He seems like he has a lot to lose and a lot at stake.

TALIESIN: He could have had a better lie. MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: All right, that’s good enough for me.

LAURA: I’m going to send a message to Essek.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Now, you don’t need verbs or anything. Just cut right through to the nouns.

LAURA: Your message was terrible.

TALIESIN: I find your– okay.

SAM: You understood what I said!

LAURA: Barely! It took a lot of thought. It's much better to just talk to them.

LIAM: Just use vowels.

LAURA: Aa. Aa oo? Ow oo ow?

SAM: Ah-ooh.

LAURA: “Ummm-- Hi! How are you feeling? Do you feel guilty? Or are you happy? Are you just crying in your room right now? We’re thinking about you.”

MATT: A brief pause before the response comes. “I am just contemplating what is to come. I appreciate what sliver of trust allowed me to leave. It’s not forgotten.” That’s it. LAURA: He said he’s just sitting there thinking about you kissing him, Caleb. That’s all he said. He’s just like, “Caleb kissed me. Caleb kissed me.”

LIAM: Sure. That checks out.

TALIESIN: That’s not what he said.

LIAM: The reality is we don’t trust him. And redemption for him is a long shot at best, but...

TALIESIN: True.

LIAM: (to Fjord) I mean, you held a sword to my neck once upon a time.

TRAVIS: That’s true.

LIAM: I’m not saying ignore what he’s done, Veth. He has a great many more footsteps to take if he indeed wishes to make up for what he has done. It’s very unlikely.

TRAVIS: He'd have to earn it, one step at a time.

TALIESIN: One step at a time.

MARISHA: Glide.

SAM: One glide at a time.

TALIESIN: Wow, I hadn’t really–

LIAM: Just one long...

MARISHA: It's just, like, a waft.

TRAVIS: You don’t know, he could just be treadmilling under that shit. You don’t know. Just to keep track of where he’s going.

SAM: (quick footsteps)

TRAVIS: Otherwise his legs would just atrophy, right?

LAURA: That's true, they would. Maybe he does a lot of squats when nobody’s around.

SAM: When he’s at home? Yeah.

TALIESIN: Maybe he’s just taller–

TRAVIS: Air squats.

SAM: Air squats? Good one. I didn’t know you knew what that was.

TRAVIS: What?

SAM: An air squat, cause it’s clear that you’ve never done one.

LIAM: What is an air squat?

SAM: Oh, it’s... I don’t actually know.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I was really invested in...

SAM: I don’t know. Maybe a jump at the end? I don’t know.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: That would hurt.

TRAVIS: Those are jump squats.

LIAM: Also, truth be told, obviously we do not trust him, but we know more now than we did before and we can potentially use the man.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

TALIESIN: That’s true.

TRAVIS: Did it change your opinion of what we’re supposed to do? Head out to sea or stay?

MARISHA: We head out to sea. Plan stays the same. If any justice is going to come from this, it’s going to be long game. And one that I don’t think we want to act upon in the weeks before or after the trade. Not for a bit.

LIAM: They were all just looking for an excuse to throw this peace out the window.

LAURA: Yeah. Regardless, I mean, right now they are actually talking about peace. That’s pretty wonderful.

MARISHA: Sort of peace. Tenuous peace.

SAM: Truce.

LAURA: A truce.

TRAVIS: Greater effect peace.

MARISHA: Peace on the outside.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Less people getting killed peace.

LIAM: They are obviously using the situation. Maybe we can use them in return. Long game. Like you say.

MARISHA: Long game,

SAM: When do they depart again? Is it imminent? Or do we have a few–

MATT: It's a couple days.

SAM: A couple days. Well, should we start thinking about any fortifications to the Balleater or any sort of– I don’t know. Do we need to be prepared?

LAURA: Oh my gosh, are they going to bust out in a battle or something? Is somebody, like, lying?

SAM: I dunno. So many things could happen.

LAURA: Oh, man.

TRAVIS: We actually do have a fair amount of cannon on the ship. I just don’t know how much we could add without really reducing the speed.

TALIESIN: I think more than anything, it’s going to be– we’re going to be important to be there. We’re all a lot to reckon with. Any one of us, in a fray.

TRAVIS: In a fracas!

TALIESIN: Ooh, in a fracas. Yeah.

TRAVIS: Sorry, that party’s got me amped.

TALIESIN: That was a pretty good party. How are you holding up, Beau?

MARISHA: Oh, I’m great. That was awesome.

TALIESIN: You’re going to feel a little weird in a couple days.

MARISHA: What?

TALIESIN: Nothing, just drink some juice, try to lay off the ale a little bit and get some sleep, if you’re feeling a little low. You’ll be okay.

LIAM: Take an off day.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Just take it easy. There you go.

LAURA: Everybody save your outfits because you all look really wonderful, okay?

SAM: Did you say “save” your outfits?

LAURA: Yeah. Don’t leave them here. Take them with us in case we want to dress up some other time.

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: If you prefer, I could–

TALIESIN: You look good.

ASHLEY: Thanks.

LIAM: And I pull out that little piece of amber– I could store them in here, for safekeeping, so they do not get ruined. LAURA: That’s wonderful. Yeah.

SAM: What does that do?

LIAM: Isn’t it obvious?

SAM: No.

LIAM: It holds things.

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. Amber of holding.

ASHLEY: How much can you put in there?

LIAM: A good bit. I could put you in it if you were dead.

ASHLEY: If I was dead.

LAURA: Oh, if we were dead. If we were alive...

ASHLEY: Can I go in there now?

LIAM: Yes, but then you would be dead.

TRAVIS: Instantly, or would you have a couple seconds?

LIAM: Pretty quick.

MARISHA: Would you suffocate? How does it work? Is it like a vacuum?

LAURA: Do you explode?

MARISHA: Yeah, does it just crush your eyeballs?

LIAM: You go somewhere else, and there is no air.

ALL TOGETHER: Oh, you could hold your breath. (Other expressions like that.)

TRAVIS: Do it now, do it to Yasha. Do it right now.

ASHLEY: Should I do it now?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Is it cold? Is it hot?

LIAM: I think maybe stick to pit fights, where you let yourself get whaled upon, and maybe don’t jump inside–

TRAVIS: This is like Event Horizon. Go through the portal. She’ll come right back. It’ll be fine.

TALIESIN: This is like Flatliners. It's not like Event Horizon.

TRAVIS: I know, both of those things ended up terribly for the people.

LIAM: Yeah, The Long Jump. It’s longer than you think. Longer than you think!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: You have a piece of amber that holds stuff?

LIAM: Yeah. I– yeah.

TALIESIN: That’s great.

LIAM: I like to... you know, I–

ASHLEY: How do you get stuff out? You just stick your hand in it or something?

TALIESIN: Where would you–?

LAURA: Do you have to cast a spell to bamf it out again?

SAM: What do you call it? Do you call it Widogast’s Plane? Is that what you call it?

LIAM: I call it Widogast’s– I just call it the Vault of Amber, Veth.

MARISHA: That’s Widogast’s–

LAURA: But it's Widogast's Vault of Amber.

SAM: Widogast’s Vault of Amber. That sounds really catchy.

LAURA: Yeah, that does sound catchy.

TRAVIS: WVOA.

LIAM: I mean, only if you were to put it into some sort of players’ handbook, or something.

SAM: Something that would last forever, and immortalize your name in canon forever?

TALIESIN: Let’s not get ridiculous. This is just–

TRAVIS: Like a player? Like "play-ah."

LIAM: Like you, Fjord, like you.

MARISHA: You do have a very forward sense of branding, Caleb. You brand that a lot.

SAM: I can see why that would be–

LIAM: Do I really? I am not using my actual name, Beauregard.

TRAVIS: You know what a great friend might do?

(laughter)

LAURA: Yeah, let’s put it in your amber.

TALIESIN: Actually, I would love to see how things come in and out of it, just in case you’re incapacitated.

ASHLEY: What happens if I put my finger in and out?

LIAM: You’d have four fingers.

ASHLEY: It would just fall off.

LAURA: It would like clamp into her finger and...?

LIAM: I mean, there’s only one way to find out.

TRAVIS: Does it have teeth?

LIAM: Her finger?

ASHLEY: You’d better believe they have teeth.

(laughter)

LIAM: Where are we?

LAURA: Let’s go to sleep–

MATT: You guys are in the Chateau. I’m just waiting for you guys to finish up.

LIAM: He starts putting out the ring of–

LAURA: We’re in our clothes now. What, are we all just going to get naked right now in the middle of the bar?

LIAM: Well, she was curious. She wanted to lose a finger.

SAM: I wouldn’t mind. I have a wonderful body now.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I'm just going to take off my ascot and pass it to you. Show us how it works. Here’s an ascot.

LIAM: An ascot? Give me the ascot, okay.

TALIESIN: Just show us how it works.

LIAM: All right, so he puts out the five pieces of amber, but it takes a while, so you strip naked, I guess, while I cast some mumbo-jumbo and the ascot goes (pfft!). And it’s gone.

TALIESIN: How do you get it back?

LIAM: Uh...

TRAVIS: Oops.

LIAM: Una.

LAURA: What did he say?

TRAVIS: Unagi.

MARISHA: Uno?

LIAM: And the ascot reappears.

LAURA: Una! Una! Una!

TALIESIN: Does it only work for you? LAURA: Is there anything else in there?

LIAM: No.

LAURA: Is it like saying Siri? Does it open up if anybody says it?

ALL: Hey, Siri.

TRAVIS: You know, Caleb, what a great wizard would do would be to name new spells after all of his friends. Spread the love.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LIAM: I will take that into consideration.

MARISHA: What about–

TRAVIS: If there’s a waiting list, I’m at the top. Sorry, go ahead.

MARISHA: Like a joint combo, you know.

LIAM: Like pizza combo, or nachos– Widogast’s nacho combos.

MARISHA: See? Branding.

TRAVIS: I would equip that every morning.

TALIESIN: Like not your combos.

LAURA: Okay. Goodnight.

TRAVIS: Okay, good night!

MATT: All right. You guys go to your respective rooms. You have your full rest for the night. There are two days before the armada leaves. You guys can choose to leave early if you want, or you can leave with them, or you can accomplish anything in the next few days you want to here in Nicodranas before you head out. What would you like to do?

LAURA: I’m going to go to the store, and I’m going to buy some party decorations, and like long strips of fabric, because I noticed at the party that we were at they had that fabric stuff draping everywhere. I thought that looked really cool, so I’m going to get some of that stuff going.

MATT: Okay, okay.

LAURA: Probably like-- we already have a lot of clay... maybe I’ll make a lot of little figurines. Yeah, I’m going to buy some clay so I can do some sculpting on the boat.

MATT: All right. I’ll say with all of those materials purchased, it’ll run you two and a half gold.

LAURA: Got it. I’m talking lots of stuff. I’m going to make it for how many people? Like 200 people?

MATT: Oh, this is for–

LAURA: Party favors.

SAM: Ohh.

MATT: Yeah, that’s a lot of people. Sorry. We’ll put that at 25 gold.

LAURA: Like this big. (Two inches) Okay.

MATT: Does anybody else want to do anything in Nicodranas or anything before we–

SAM: I’m spending two full days and nights with my family and that’s it.

MATT: All right, perfect. Anybody else?

LIAM: Yeah, I will go and visit Yussa at his tower. No. No, scratch that. I will spend two days in our lodging tinkering with that collar.

MATT: Okay, got it.

LIAM: I’m trying to ascertain what I might use to power it.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: As we previously discussed.

MATT: Roll an arcana check.

LIAM: I will definitely in those two days cast Fortune’s Favor on myself. Natural 20 for a total of 30.

SAM: Ooh.

MARISHA: Dang.

MATT: Okay. The– You can ascertain that there is a particular kind of material that was utilized to power this device. Roll a history check as well.

SAM: Ooh, double roll.

LIAM: This is all taking place in two days?

MATT: This is over the period of time that you–

LIAM: Can I Fortune’s Favor myself again in two days?

MATT: Actually, no, I’d say for this, because this is a momentary epiphany–

LIAM: You da boss. History you said?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Total of 23.

MATT: All right. You do recognize that whatever was used to power this as well as possibly the golems within Halas’s Folding Halls, that this material does not exist naturally. You don’t know the name of it, but it was utilized as essentially an arcane battery-type technology that was employed by some of the top echelon of archmages during the Age of Arcanum. You would know that some elements of it have supposedly been traded around, usually scavenged from ruins, what elements you’ve heard of, coming from the north.

LIAM: From the north. And is this possibly connected to these cities floating in the sky?

MATT: Possibly, yeah. And you do know– it wasn’t like every city was floating. There were maybe three major cities that themselves utilized, and had cornered the market on brumestone and were able to hold their entire city aloft, who could afford to.

LIAM: Brumestone?

MATT: Brumestone is the bluish stone that’s used in skyships and is a mineral that has the property that with a very basic, simple enchantment, that it's very susceptible to, causes it to lift. And there were a few cities that had enough of this that they had hoarded and built with that they were able to hold an entire city aloft. You know that supposedly one of these had crashed in Eiselcross, to the north, in the Biting North, and there are some elements of the Empire, outposts, out there, that are currently excavating what remnants they’re able to have access to of that fallen empire. You would know it’s referred to as Aeor. A-E-O-R.

TRAVIS: (whispering, holding the map) Do you want this?

LIAM: I will later. We have too much to do.

MATT: So I’d say, between those two rolls, the only place you can think of that would probably have the materials that were utilized to power this– that’s one location that you know people have been able to scavenge and sell, often–

LIAM: Eiselcross.

MATT: Eiselcross.

LIAM: Okay. Thank you.

MATT: Cool.

LIAM: Done.

MATT: Anybody else want to do anything?

TRAVIS: I will spend those two nights changing my appearance and just hitting up any of the old haunts and bars that I would visit in Nicodranas when I was on the Tide’s Breath. The old ship. Just see if there are any familiar faces or particular persons of interest, just as a sort of means of reminiscing. No active conversations, but more like passive melancholy and revisiting.

MATT: Okay, cool. Make a perception check for me.

SAM: Come on, come on.

TRAVIS: Ten.

MATT: Ten? The chaos around the wharf and the docks, the Open Quay– it’s pretty busy and you have a hard time finding a comfortable location within some of these old haunts. They are pretty busy given the fact that the entire town is abuzz with people getting ready to travel, many from out of town. So while these are familiar old haunts to you, for other people there is a novelty to these spaces. A lot of these individuals have probably never been to Nicodranas and have just come south with the armada to be present to help defend this negotiation. But you do manage to enjoy thinking back to some of the old life, reminiscing about some of the good and some of the bad. And just contemplating on who you are now, and what this current path has for you. And throughout this entire venture, the one very visible structure that, growing up, was just a lighthouse, now has a much stronger significance, as it is the massive stone lighthouse carved in the shape of the Wildmother, that overlooks the harbor. And what was once just a physical marker to get around the southern side of the city, is now almost a welcoming beacon to know exactly where you are, and reminding you that you’re always watched over.

TRAVIS: That’s pretty cool.

LAURA: I’m going to spend some time finishing up and drawing some more of my tarot cards. I’ve listed a few that I would like to make.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: One, I want to be the Jewel and the Thief, which is going to be a card with a big red ruby in the middle of it, letting out a lot of light, but in the shadow of the card you can see there’s actually a man behind it reaching and trying to grab it for himself.

MATT: That’s cool.

LAURA: The Spark and Blaze. So from one side it’s a small spark, and on the other side flipped over, you can see it’s a flame that’s consumed the entire bottom of the card.

MATT: Okay, cool.

LAURA: Death and Dawn. Which will be a grave with the sun coming up behind it. And I think those are the ones I want to do right now.

MATT: Okay. So you spend the time masterfully crafting and sketching and painting out your new tarot cards.

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: Fantastic. Anybody else got anything to do?

ASHLEY: Are there any fun activities to do at the Chateau? Any shows or anything?

MARISHA: Sunday brunch?

ASHLEY: Sunday brunch.

TRAVIS: Ooh. Brisket tacos.

MARISHA: Bottomless mimosas.

MATT: Marion is the central performer of the Chateau. Aside from that, there’s less performances more than there are occasional games, mild gambling, and in some cases, the occasional close-up magical performer might wander through and earn a little bit of coin on the off days. That’s the Chateau specifically. But throughout the city, there are all manner of performances, and there are musicians and dancers and a whole number of artists of all different kinds that go to the streets to busk and earn coin from those who are passing through, from those that live nearby. Some that this is where they reside and make their living. Others are just making their way up and down the Menagerie Coast, jumping from city-state to city-state, doing the best they can to make a splash and then leave before the Zhelezo get any wind of untoward activity. But there’s a lot of culture here. There’s a reason the city has its name. And it’s beautiful, and I guess for all the times you’ve been here, it’s nice to take a little bit of time for yourself, and just wander and experience. It’s interesting to be in a town that is based in color, and to be the monochromatic stranger from the east, but yet still smiling and enjoying it all.

ASHLEY: Yeah. After walking through just alone, I want to just go find a beach somewhere at night, and just go sit out by the water and play my bone harp and have a nice self-care Sunday.

MATT: I dig it, I dig it. All righty. It’s a beautiful night. The moon is only barely visible across the horizon by the time you get out there. There’s a little bit of light dancing across the waves. The stars are out above you, and you’re far enough away where you can see the distant dotted glows of all the various points of lantern light throughout the entire city. But you feel peaceful and alone, comfortable, and in that moment, content, as you begin to practice along your harp.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Anybody else?

TALIESIN: I want to make a quick run to buy some magical supplies for some of my weirder spells, just so I have some options.

MATT: Okay. The two places that you had uncovered as possible sources, there’s Meandering Treasures in Restless Wharf, or there is the Seafloor’s Bounty, in the Open Quay.

TRAVIS: ♪ Key-Kway! ♪

SAM: Key-Kway?

TALIESIN: I don’t know. Which has the better vibe?

TRAVIS: Contigo.

MATT: Meandering Treasures definitely seems to be the larger and more prominent of the two.

TALIESIN: I’ll support a small business. I go to the other one. Grabbing some incense and stuff like that, a couple hundred gold worth.

MATT: No worries. So you enter the Seafloor’s Bounty. It seems to be a general store of kinds, but it specializes in pawning items and scavenged loot, and things that a lot of travelers come through and want to off-load, whether legal or not. The exterior itself looks similar to many of the base wooden buildings, but it’s been heavily decorated with dry rotten nets that have been pulled across the corners of it, with all sorts of hanging glass bottles, and you can see outside against the walls there are strips of leather that are currently being tanned. There is a gathered group of what looks to be five different colorful tropical birds that aren’t in cages but are staying on perches outside, and as you approach, they begin to make noise (bird noises). This garbled bird noise as you approach, and look over towards you.

TALIESIN: Hey, everything going all right? Doing okay?

MATT: (is a bird)

TALIESIN: That’s nice. That’s good. Hold on, I’ve got– I pull out whatever the hell was growing in my pouch and–

TRAVIS: Lichen.

TALIESIN: (holds it out) Yeah, have something-- This is different, it's from far away. Yeah. (Matt is a bird) I mean, come on, you either want it or you don’t.

MATT: Lands on your arm and just eats it out of your fingers.

TALIESIN: I figured.

MATT: Shits on your arm. Goes back to its perch.

TALIESIN: I don’t clean it off. Okay.

LAURA: Ew.

ALL: Radagast.

TALIESIN: You're very welcome.

MATT: So you enter the interior. It smells so strong of medicinal herb and fish. Just the combination of the two. It’s this odd, somewhat pungent, to most people, but to you? I wouldn't say it would bother you too much. The inside, however, is pleasantly decorated. There are all manner of small pots that contain segmented gardens and a lot of displaced herbalism– specifically built herb gardens that are dotting the interior at different heights on different shelves, that give part of the aroma that you encountered, and are probably over time part of what’s harvested and utilized in different balms and salves and stuff that are sold here. You can see there are clusters of fishing gear on one wall. You can see some long spears and fishing spears. You can see what looks to be a flintlock pistol on the one wall in the back. You can see there is one table that contains what looks like a bunch of tools and other odd objects that have just enough rust and barnacles on them that you assume they were probably pulled from the seafloor and then sold here. It’s an eclectic interior. You do see the one person who runs this place. This is an older female gnome, has this very deep-set smile lines in her face, and these crows feet that– the lid itself seems to almost completely cover the eyes except for a little bit of a beady black that pokes through. Very, very suntanned skin. You can see it’s been burned in places over and over again to the point where it gives her this very splotchy complexion that’s strangely adorable. Her hair is sunbleached to where you can see the gray and light brown beneath, but the entirety of the main surface itself is practically white and blond from sunbleaching. As soon as you look around and then notice, she's just siting there with her hands covered and goes, “Hi!”

TALIESIN: Hey, hi.

MATT: “How can I help you?”

TALIESIN: I’m Caduceus. I don’t know if we’ve had the pleasure.

MATT: “I’m Sheila Bobsnopper.”

TALIESIN: It’s a pleasure.

MATT: "And welcome to my establishment."

MARISHA and LAURA: Bobsnopper?

LAURA: I love it!

TALIESIN: I was hoping to pick up some sundries. I’m looking for some incense, a little bit of that– I can’t remember the name of it, but that saffron fat ointment that is used to make True Seeing tinctures... I do a little bit on my own, but I could use a little bit of that.

MATT: “Let’s have a look and see what we can do for you. Come on, come on.” And she hops off her stool and scuttles over to you. Yeah. Those materials, you can go ahead and purchase what’s necessary.

TALIESIN: 100 each. And then, you got anything else interesting? I’m always a collector of odds and ends. Just for fun, I’m going to cast Detect Magic in the room and see what I see, if anything’s shiny.

MATT: Okay. There are three things that catch your attention. You see on one wall a leather fan of some kind that is just set on the edge. It’s about maybe this long? (About 18 inches) And it’s sprawled out open-wards. It looks like a hand fan, but it’s a little larger than the ones you’ve seen used as delicate social presentational type of design. It has a beautiful design on the front that looks like a continuously curled series of lines, almost like snakes or serpents that are winding around each other, but without a head, just these long coiling lines, gray and they fade at the tips, tangled and weirdly beautiful. Very watercolor-esque. But that definitely gives a glow. There is a case that you see that gives a faint magical aura from the inside of it. You can just barely sense on the interior. It has a heavy bronze lock on the outside that looks very intricately carved and detailed. And there is a leather strap around her neck that has a bundle of dried herbs or roots that are bound and held to this almost choker-like necklace.

TALIESIN: I’m going to ask in order. The fan’s interesting. What do you know about that?

MATT: “Well, you see, that was sold to me not but seven or eight months ago, by Gerald Kingsman, who’s a fellow– a fisherman that comes over here from Brokenbank occasionally and provides all sorts of strange findings. And hasn’t had any takers yet, but from what he tells me, it’s got some magic in it.”

TALIESIN: Well, that’s exciting! I mean, I’d be curious what– well, I’m going to ask about a couple more things but I would be curious about how much you’d be willing to–

MATT: “I can show you if you want.”

TALIESIN: Well, I mean, if you know what it does, sure.

MATT: She takes it off the wall, and goes, “Let’s step outside.”

SAM: Ooh.

MATT: And you step outside into the warm daylight, and she goes, “Now, watch that barrel.” And she points to a barrel across the street about forty feet away from you. She opens the fan and goes (opens it, holds it in both hands and waves it) and suddenly this wind gust just bursts from it, slams into the barrel, and you watch it suddenly go (tumbling noise) and then roll and roll and roll and roll, before it comes to a stop.

TALIESIN: (guffaws)

MATT: She closes it, snaps it shut.

TALIESIN: Oh, wow, that’s pretty cool.

MATT: “200 gold.”

TALIESIN: 200 gold. Well, all right. Other question. That’s pretty cool. That’s– wow. Wow. Is it just barrels or does it do other things, too?

MATT: “I haven’t tried.”

TALIESIN: Wow. Barrels alone are pretty exciting. Does it work on people?

MATT: “I haven’t tried it.”

TALIESIN: You wanna?

MATT: “Only if you buy it.”

TALIESIN: We’ll talk.

MATT: “Okay.”

TALIESIN: So then I pick up the case. This is exciting.

MATT: “Now, that’s the mystery case. Meaning, I haven’t been able to get it open. So I don’t know what’s inside. But I’ll sell it to you for 500 gold. Who knows? It could be ashes. It could be the lost jewels of an ancient ruler.”

TALIESIN: Either way, that’s pretty exciting.

MATT: “Isn’t it?”

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: “Isn’t it?”

TALIESIN: Wow. I mean, they’re both pretty good. Oh, man.

MARISHA: -- grab bag.

TALIESIN: And then, not that it’s for sale, but I was kind of curious. You have that– that’s such an interesting thing you’re wearing. I assume it’s not for sale. I was just sort of curious about it though.

MATT: “Oh, this helps me maintain a lot of my gardens in here. It allows me to converse with the creatures I grow from the earth, and see what they need when they need them.”

TALIESIN: Well, I can already kind of do that, so–

MATT: “They talk back and tell me what they require.”

TALIESIN: Hm. Hm. I don’t suppose you’d be interested in parting with that, by any chance?

MATT: "(skeptical noise)"

TALIESIN: Or making another one. I understand if–

MATT: “What’s your offer?”

TALIESIN: Oh, man, I don’t know. You’ve got so much fun stuff. You want 500 gold for the box, 200 gold for the fan...

MATT: “Yeah.”

TALIESIN: How about 900 gold for the whole kit and caboodle?

MATT: “Hmm. Cause I like your hair–“ Go ahead and make a persuasion check.

SAM: Oh, boy, oh, boy.

LAURA: Can you Guide yourself?

TRAVIS: That’s a fair offer. That’s a fair–

TALIESIN: I’m not going to Guide myself. Because I don’t wanna– Actually, I’ll do something before I do this. You like the hair?

MATT: “I do.”

TALIESIN: I can sweeten the deal a little bit. And I remove some of the pink phosphorescent mold that’s growing on me that’s part of the stuff that makes the hair go. And I’ll just place some of it on the counter. You can see if you can get it going. This is not natural. This is a choice. This is a thing I do.

MATT: Go ahead and roll your persuasion check.

TALIESIN: All right.

TRAVIS: Come on, baby.

TALIESIN: Twelve.

MATT: Twelve? Well, the DC did decrease when you offered the lichen, so that helped. She goes, “The pile of pink stuff, 900 gold, and you have yourself a deal.” (Spits in her hand and shakes Caduceus’s hand)

TALIESIN: (spits)

(cheering)

TRAVIS: (Applauding) Yeah! We bought magic shit! You did.

TALIESIN: I can’t wait to come back again. This place is so nice.

MATT: “Anytime. Maybe wait a few weeks.”

TALIESIN: Oh, I’m going to be gone for a while. Don’t worry about it.

MATT: “No worries. Anytime.”

TALIESIN: And you buy, too, out of curiosity?

MATT: “Always.”

TALIESIN: If I see something fun, I’ll bring it by.

MATT: “Please do. Always looking to collect and find new owners for them.”

TALIESIN: Pleasure.

MATT: So yeah you have...

TALIESIN: Let me knock 900 gold off my...

SAM: That’s a lot.

TALIESIN: That's what gold-- oh, he don't care!

ASHLEY: We should go sell those bracers--

MATT: So here you go. (Hands Taliesin two slips of paper.)

ASHLEY: --that we don't need.

TALIESIN: Woo! All right, let’s see. Okay, okay.

TRAVIS: It’s just the two, right? Because you can’t open the box yet?

MATT: Yeah, haven't opened the box.

TALIESIN: Can’t open the box yet, yeah. Oh, man.

ASHLEY: What's in the box?

TALIESIN: Oh man.

LAURA: What if it's empty? You wouldn't do that. Would you do that? You would do that.

TRAVIS: This is Matt Mercer we’re talking about.

SAM: Mercer would do anything.

TALIESIN: Oh, man. So this makes it so they can talk back, then.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Okay, that’s pretty cool. And then I’ve got the weird box. Okay. Where’s my equipment? Let me knock 900 bucks off this.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: Worth it.

MATT: Fantastic.

TALIESIN: I skip back home. Magic beans!

MATT: Anything else?

MARISHA: I... Ashley kind of read my mind. Beau’s going to take a bedroll and some food and shove it in a bag, and she’s going to go walk up the coast a little bit, find a spot and just camp overnight for the rest of her time.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Have some alone time.

MATT: You got it. On the last night before the Armada leaves, you’re out there camping, and you do hear the soft sound of– well, roll a performance check.

LAURA: Aww.

(scatting, bass plucking noises)

ASHLEY: Performance is -2... 10.

MATT: Ten. You hear what at times falters, but is mostly a pleasant sound of a harp.

MARISHA: Can I see where it’s coming from?

MATT: I’d say with your perception, your passive perception, yeah. So you lean forward and you glance, and a ways away off, but you see a figure sitting just where the horizon and the ocean meets, there looks to be a bit of a sand dune there along the beach.

TRAVIS: (wave crashing)

MARISHA: Yeah yeah yeah! I just nod and smile. Watch from a distance.

MATT: Cool. All righty.

ASHLEY: ♪ From a distance. ♪

(laughter)

MATT: So the morning is imminent. As you come to consciousness and begin to prepare yourselves for the day, the energy is palpable across the city. You see countless Righteous Brand soldiers and Shore Wardens being aided by Zhelezo in bringing final materials towards the harbor. You can see most ships are out there and arranged and ready to leave. The last few stragglers are being loaded up. You can see the final conversations are happening between the local lords and ladies, and those that will be leading as part of this journey. It’s going to happen soon, so what would you guys like to do?

SAM: As we wake up, I’m going to grab my husband, just sort of have a private moment, and just be like, “Hey. Yeza. Let’s talk.”

MATT: “Of course, of course.”

SAM: Real quick. So I’m back now. I’m me. We’re a family again. This is pretty cool.

MATT: “It’s pretty great, I’m not going to lie.”

SAM: Yeah, yeah. So but also like, you’ve been living here in this weird temporary space that is not our home, and at some point Luc will have to start school, and... what are we doing?

MATT: “I’ve been thinking about that. I don’t know how long this is going to take. I’m not going to lie. Living most of my life in Felderwin, I was content. It’s really nice here.”

SAM: Oh?

MATT: “Yeah, there’s the ocean–

SAM: Ew.

MATT: “Right. Luc likes the ocean.”

SAM: Okay. That’s okay.

MATT: “I don’t know. Like, the culture here, the people– it’s a very different experience, and I’m rather enjoying the change of pace. So don’t feel like it’s a burden on either of us, necessarily–“

SAM: Well, I know, but don’t you think we should get some sort of a permanent home–? If you like it here, I like it here, too–

MATT: “Well, I’m not saying that we need to stay here forever, but I’m just saying don’t feel like it’s been a burden, either. I mean, our home’s in Felderwin, what remains of it, I suppose. But... yeah. I like it here for now. I am considering finding a tutor here for Luc.”

SAM: Okay. Well...

MATT: “Mainly because it’s important for him to– He’s getting to that age now where I think he can start learning more than shooting that crossbow.”

SAM: Yes, no, he has to have education in other aspects of his life other than physical. We should definitely do that. In fact, maybe even Marion knows some tutors, the ones that helped raise Jester.

MATT: “That’s true. That’s very true. I’ll go ahead and ask her. I think that– I’m going to ask her.”

SAM: Okay. But– I don’t know. Do we have a plan? Should we go back to Felderwin at some point and just be a family?

MATT: ‘I mean, I’d like to, eventually.”

SAM: Well, I don’t want you guys to just be sitting in limbo here waiting for me.

MATT: “We’re not sitting in limbo, necessarily. Like I said, this has been an interesting change of pace. I think it’s a great opportunity for Luc to see more of the world, and meet people of all different walks of life and get away from the very, frankly, insular experience that Felderwin is a lot of the time. And... you’re doing some pretty big things. And the last thing I want to do is to get in the way of them.”

SAM: It’s true. My friends are counting on me to help them. We have a pretty important thing coming up. I would hate to abandon them right now, but I can’t keep doing this forever, and leaving you guys after two days, three days. It’s not fair to you.

MATT: “You’re not going to do it forever, right?”

SAM: No, you’re right.

MATT: “Right?”

SAM: No, you’re right. I’m not going to do it forever.

MATT: “Well, look what they did. They brought you back.”

SAM: They did.

MATT: “"They saved-- you all saved me from a very terrible experience. They helped keep our son safe. I don’t think I could ever find the words to express it, but I’m extremely grateful for everything that your friends have done. Whatever they need help with, and that involving my better half helping as she does, then what else could I ask for?”

SAM: You are like the greatest husband ever, by the way. Can I just say?

MATT: “Well, we kind of shaped each other. But to that point. I’m enjoying the change of pace for now. I think Luc is. We have a small plan to try to continue life as it is while we’re here, and I like not being under the thumb of some odd Assemblywoman, so I’m okay with this.”

SAM: Okay. Well–

MATT: “For now.”

SAM: I’ll leave you enough money that if it feels weird that you’re in this hotel place that– if you want to get an apartment or something, you can, you should. Or if you like being here, that’s fine too.

MATT: “How much is real estate out here in Nicodranas?”

SAM: I passed an office last night that had all these pictures of like, “You can live here, for–“ I know they had some condos--

MATT: "Oh, oh."

SAM: Timeshare, there was a timeshare.

MATT: “I’ve heard someone mention “timeshare”.”

SAM: Yeah. I don’t quite know how it works, but–

MATT: “They had free food. It was great.”

SAM: Oh, yeah. Did you have to sit for–

MATT: “For a very long time.”

SAM: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, free food, though, right?

MATT: “Yeah. Oh, yeah.”

SAM: Well, if you see anything, let me know, because I’ve been collecting quite a bit of money.

MATT: “Well, if you need somewhere to keep it, I can act as the accountant, I guess, in this arrangement.”

SAM: Yeah, of course, of course. Here, I’ll leave you 100 platinum.

MATT: You give it to him, he goes, “Veth... uh...”

SAM: Well, I shouldn’t be carrying this with me. What if I lose it or something?

MATT: “What if I lose– Um–“, and he quickly puts it in his pocket. “I’ve– Wow. Yeah. Go with your friends.”

SAM: I mean, it's crazy. We make a lot of money.

MATT: “I think I could probably find a place. Yeah. Wow. Okay, yeah, no, I’ll get on that.”

SAM: Or not.

MATT: “But as incredible as this is, don’t get yourself in any situations that are too dangerous.”

SAM: Whoo. Ahh... You know what? I can’t promise that. But I can promise you that my friends will do their best to protect me.

MATT: “Okay. There are a lot of tales of heroic sacrifices, and poems spoken by different bards and storytellers of these people who stood up to these great challenges and gave themselves for a better tomorrow. You’re extremely brave. I want my wife. I don’t want a poem.”

SAM: Yeah. I promise I’ll be more than just a story. I’ll come back.

MATT: “Okay.”

SAM: And this will end at some point, and we’ll go to Felderwin. We’ll have a summer place here and a winter place there, and we’ll be like– not bi-coastal, but like– yeah.

MATT: “Be like one of those hip couples that travels all the time.” SAM: Totally. Yeah.

MATT: “Maybe I’ll get a tan.”

SAM: Ooh! You would look good with a tan.

MATT: “You think so?”

SAM: Yeah, you’re very pasty.

MATT: “Yeah.”

SAM: But you know, when you’re tanning, just stay at least 25 feet from the water.

LAURA: You're such a shithead. (laughs)

MATT: "Okay."

SAM: Okay. Okay. All right. I’ll be back in a couple weeks, I think.

MATT: “Okay. We’ll be here.”

SAM: Okay. We probably have like ten minutes before I have to leave, so take off your pants!

(Laughter)

MATT: "Yes, madam."

(laughter)

MATT: All right. The rest of you guys gather your stuff. Any last minute business? Or are we heading to the docks?

LAURA: Let’s go.

MARISHA: To the docks.

ASHLEY: Let’s go.

TRAVIS: To the boats–

TALIESIN: Let’s go to the docks.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: To the docks.

TRAVIS: What's in the docks?

MATT: You make your way to the Balleater. Your crew is waiting for you. Smaller than usual, just because there’s only so much room on the ship. So the four main crew that operate it, that includes Marius and Orly, and Gallan, and one other person, who you haven’t met. It is... yeah, Gallan, and the rest of you all make your way up there. The sails are unfurled, the anchor is raised, and you join the outskirts of the armada as it begins to make its way out into the open waters of the Lucidian Ocean, heading southward to southeast. And that’s where we’re going to take a break.

LIAM: To the sea!

MATT: We’ll be back here in just a few minutes, but in the meantime we do have our Wyrmwood giveaway. Tonight is the padauk tabletop tray.

(laughter)

LIAM: Bringing it back.

MATT: Delightful leather interior dice tray, beautiful orange color for one lucky winner there in the chat. Tonight's keyword is ♪ sailing ♪

MATT and TRAVIS: ♪ It takes me away ♪

ALL: ♪ To where I'm going ♪

MATT: No, we can't clear that. Sailing. The word is "sailing." Enter it once and only once in the chat. More than once, you'll be disqualified and once again only people in the US and Canada, excluding Quebec. We'll be back here shortly with a winner. We'll see you guys soon.

Break
♪ You got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapon and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click open the webpage ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you're ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In that mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It's D&D ♪ ♪ D&D (yeah!) ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D ♪ ♪ D&D (yeah!) ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats ♪ ♪ You've got your swords ♪ ♪ And you got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It's D&D ♪ ♪ D&D ♪ ♪ D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ MISTY: You got them both? Do you guys know? LIAM: Yeah. MISTY: Yeah. LIAM: What the fuck?! SAM: How? ASHLY: How did you-- SAM: That's impossible. MISTY: Right here is the one pair of handcuffs from which Houdini could not escape. Then you can actually ask this owl yes or no questions. SAM: Will I die a painful death? Eyy! That's good! ASHLY: That's nice! MISTY: Do you have any martial arts background or anything? LIAM: One more time. MISTY: Yes, yes! SAM: And then, I've seen magicians do this where they (chains rattling) MISTY: Definitely! ASHLEY: Put some mustard on it, okay. MISTY: Yeah, girl! ASHLY: Don't do that face. SAM: Oh! Oh! Oh! ASHLY: Magic. (jazzy music) BRANDON: No one has ever really tried to adapt an RPG campaign into an animated series. So we're actually breaking new ground. JENNIFER: They created something that we didn't know the world needed. MEREDITH: Really there's something there for everyone. MARC: Even if you are steeped in this world, there's still a couple of moments I think we can surprise you. MATT: All this stuff coming out is just so freaking cool. (intense music) MATT: So the story of Vox Machina takes place on Tal'Dorei, which is a continent in the world of Exandria. It is an area of smaller nations, but there is an overall sovereign, Uriel, who is the leader of the area. Vox Machina are a bunch of-- I can't say heroes, really. But they are people that are trying to get by and they found that it's easier to survive and succeed as a group than independently. And so, out of necessity, they became a party. The series begins with a new story. This is a telling of Vox Machina as they come into their own as a group. EUGENE: It's a fantasy series. It's mature. It is fun. It is about camaraderie, it's about friendship. We are going to explore all of these amazing fantasy elements that people shied away from. We embrace that. We love that stuff. BRANDON: It's a completely unique thing, in terms of high fantasy. There's been no high fantasy that's even remotely similar to The Legend of Vox Machina. MAE: I think people will be able to look at this and be like, "Oh, this is a show with dragons and demons, "and, like, everything in between, but ultimately, "it's about this group of friends." MATT: We wanted to capture the spark and the magic of when we were playing at the table, just in a different form of media. MEREDITH: I'm just really excited to see the really heartfelt, touching scenes. That's what got me into the stream in the first place. MAE: This is something that is very serious and dramatic, but has moments of intense and beautiful levity and lightheartedness, and that comes from literally this was a group of friends having fun. And we, as the writers' room, should also be a group of friends having fun. And that was the moment I was like, we got this. BRANDON: Well, the writers' room was just, it was just a blast, you know, getting to work with all these amazingly talented writers who are all big fans of fantasy and RPGs. EUGENE: God, the writers were all amazing. And they all brought different things to the table. JENNIFER: We had a mix of seasoned and new. There's young, excited energy, and then wise, laid back energy, a little bit. KEVIN: There is sort of the who's who for what sort of action animation we've done have been to the top tier people, some really great new voices that have come from science fiction and from live action. It's really been a nice mix. ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ MATT: We've never worked with Brandon before, so this is the first time me and him were able to collaborate on something, but he was just a great idea guy, as well as being the person who's guiding the production side. BRANDON: Eugene Son, our story editor, he's been incredibly helpful along the way, really implementing all of our notes, coming in and having all kinds of great ideas. EUGENE: Jen Muro knows so much about Critical Role. She's been a fan for a while and she could recall a lot of the things, the adventures and such that the characters have gone through. Mae Catt has so much energy and so many ideas. She was fantastic in the writers' room that way. Kevin and Doc are an amazing writing team that I've gotten the pleasure work with over the years. Their dynamic as a writing team is fantastic. I'd never worked with Marc before, but he brings a wealth of experience in comics and live acted TV. We also worked with Daniel Thomsen, who came from the live action world. Brought a whole different kind of storytelling to the room. Ashly Burch, I had never worked with before until Vox Machina, but she's fantastic! MATT: Beyond just being a talented writer, she's actually played with us. She played Keg in our second campaign for a number of episodes, as well as a live show. And so I think bringing that to the table, made her even that much more of a powerhouse. MARC: Everybody was, you know, soup to nuts, like, really, really nice and really, really smart. MATT: I love when the writers' room is everyone throwing out ideas and everyone's building on each other. And it's from all different facets, just brick after brick, you can see the wall coming to fruition. EUGENE: It's fascinating adapting The Legend of Vox Machina from a role playing game campaign and trying to translate that and bring that to life in an animated series. MAE: An adaptation need not be beat for beat. And so our job, as the writers, was to maintain the spirit of the story and the spirit of each character and the character arcs and what they're going through and act as the translators from what it was into what it can be now in the animated form. BRANDON: There's going to be surprises, there's going to be things that are changed, but also at the same time, we want to do that because we want the diehard fans to not just come in and know everything. Like, you want to be surprised. You want things to change just enough. MARC: To find a way to get to a place in the story where you're giving the audience the thing they didn't know that they wanted, but they actually needed. EUGENE: When you're dealing with a preexisting property, like a, say, a graphic novel, you'd say, "Okay, we have to keep this moment. This is a pivotal moment. "Maybe we can lose this, maybe we can plus this." When you're going with a campaign where it's hundreds of hours of material and a lot of it is really brilliant, it's like, okay, now what are the things that would translate really well to an animated series? What have they not seen that we think, "Wow okay, we can take this, "and we can really do something fantastic with it." And those are the things that really excite us. JENNIFER: Whittling down source material was an undertaking that I was terrified about because Matt has such a clear vision, and I definitely did not want to step on that. MATT: Certain ideas have to be changed or altered as part of the adaptation. It's a hard process. JENNIFER: There's things we were, like, "Oh, my god, he'll kill us." And then he was like, "No, that's fine." We're like, "We were worrying for three days about this." MARC: Matt would always sit down and say, "Yeah, no, this is the way it was in the campaign, "but if this is better, let's talk about it, "let's litigate it. Let's investigate it, let's rattle test it." MATT: Sometimes the harder ideas, the ones that go against what you initially expected, make the most important changes. EUGENE: Every project I've ever taken on, research is a huge part of it. You want to dive and get in that mindset and that mentality of the world you're exploring. MAE: Critical Role is an IP and is a legacy IP, but it's happening right now. You can interface with the creators of this thing that you love immediately. MATT: Everyone, for the most part, were able to make it for an element of the writers' room to answer questions about their particular character, how they would react to certain elements. You know, questions that I couldn't have answered anywhere near as good as they could've. DOC: The fact that the cast created their own characters and that Matt, as the game master, created the scenarios and then you're in the writers' room with those people, with that cast, you get to feed off that immediacy. It's like writing a Spider-Man script in the room with Stan Lee. MEREDITH: It's working very hard to honor the original canon and the original content and the original game. BRANDON: Nothing is getting past these guys. We're making sure that, like, this is very much the show that they want to make. MATT: It's been really cool to watch it all come together. And as each thing gets approved and, you know, we see every facet of it begin to become more and more realized, you can just feel the palpable energy of excitement. Not just within us, but the animation studio, and everyone who's working on the actual production side. It's already turning into something very special. KEVIN: We are as excited as any fan of Critical Role to see how these things turn out. There's nothing better than if you love a property and you're seeing it expanded to a new world. It just takes it in a way you never even could envision as a fan. MATT: We wanted to capture the spark and the magic of when we were playing at the table, just in a different form of media. MARC: It will be like drinking a drink that you really like by a bartender you've never met before, who, like, adds a little something and you can't quite put your finger on what it is. Is like, "Did you put, like, nutmeg in this?" And like, "Mm, I'm not sure, but I love this drink. "Oh, it's delicious. Give me more of this drink because I like being drunk." If you like being drunk on Critical Role, then I think you'll like what this series of bartenders have done to it. (intense drums) (Critical Role theme backing track) BRIAN (V.O.): Last time on Talks Machina. SAM: What are those things where you have two sticks and then a third stick and you, like, boop boop boop boop. MARISHA: Are they just called, like, juggling sticks? SAM: What are they called? They got to be called something. You don't do this? MARISHA: Devil sticks? SAM: Devil sticks. I knew you'd get it. SAM and MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: That's what you should learn how to do with the Wyrmwood stuff. Devil sticks. BRIAN: Do you understand how valuable and rare a lot of this wood is, and you want me to juggle with it? (giggling) SAM: How dare I. BRIAN: How dare you, sir. Can I come over and-- you know, have you ever seen people juggle with bowling pins? SAM: Sure. BRIAN: Can I do that with your rare wines? SAM: Hmm. BRIAN: Huh? Then I won't let you do it with my fucking Wyrmwood. Ask something like that again on this fucking show. Wait till we go on break or something to ask shit like that. MARISHA: There's so much tension on the show. BRIAN: We're tired! MARISHA: We're so tired and cranky. SAM: I'm fine. I'm fine! MARISHA: I know you've cried in the shower. BRIAN: You've cried in the shower. MARISHA: I know you have. I know you're fucking lying. SAM: What would I cry about in the shower? MARISHA: Oh, you fucking liar. BRIAN: What makes you sad, Sam? SAM: (exhales) BRIAN: "One of the most subtly powerful moments in a show "with lots of them was Nott turning down "Yasha's offer of a sip of wine just before "the transformation." MARISHA: Oh yeah, it was beautiful. BRIAN: "Could you walk us through what Nott/Veth was thinking "in that moment and how Veth's attitude toward "her drinking problem has changed." SAM: Yeah, maybe she thinks that she she might be okay now. She doesn't need it anymore. BRIAN: Wow. SAM: Yeah. BRIAN: Is that a reflection on you, Sam? Will you be giving up booze as well and perhaps maybe auctioning off some of your rare wines that we referenced earlier in the juggling conversation? SAM: I think I need to go take a shower. BRIAN: Oh! Oh goodness. DANI: Finally. BRIAN: Is it possible that we have cracked the-- there we go. SAM: (fake crying) BRIAN: There we go. SAM: I don't want to give up my wine! I love it. (crying) I love it so much. BRIAN: All the wine's coming with me. SAM: What are these bubbles? MARISHA: That's your tears. SAM: Oh, the tears! BRIAN: That's tears in the shower. SAM: I've never cried before, so I didn't understand what was-- (sobbing) I love my wine. BRIAN: Like tears in-- SAM: (crying) I love my Brunello di Montalcino! I love my Pinot Noir! BRIAN: List them off for us, all your wine. SAM: I love my Cab Francs! It's almost Beaujolais season! DANI: Beaujolais has to be made up. (birds chirping) SAM: I'm a fan of hot air balloon rides above the Venetian countryside. I'm a fan of Momlan. She's always got my back. I'm a fan of wine older than Taliesin. Hmm. I'm a fan of Twitch subscriptions. I'm a fan of emotes by Arsequeef, they're neat. I'm a fan of a wife so cool (distorted) people forget I exist exist. Exist. (monkey calls) (elephant trumpeting) (explosion) (warning alarm) (distorted high-pitch electronic notes) (intense scary noises) (baby crying) (harmonica) (short panting) I'm a fan of wearing your skin as a mask. (Vivaldi's "Spring" from "Four Seasons") (intense folk rock music)

Part II
MATT: And welcome back. Before we go ahead and get into the game, we do have our Wyrmwood winner. Wyrmwood winner for tonight is FamtheWizard. Fam! The Wizard.

TRAVIS: (chanting) Fam- the wizard!

MATT: FamTheWizard, congratulations.

MARISHA: (chanting) Fam- the wizard!

ALL: (chanting) Fam Fam the wizard!

MATT: Congratulations to you, FamTheWizard. We’ll have that box sent out to you ASAP. All righty, so, the Mighty Nein, heading out to sea for a many days journey. It is about– looking at the detailed elements, about 395 miles around the southern edge of the Ashkeeper Peaks, avoiding the Inkclaw Reef, that would be to the south, and into the open waters of the designated meeting location within the Lucidian Ocean. The armada moves at the speed of its slowest ship, as one piece–

TALIESIN: Is that us?

MATT: In optimal weather, travel is set to be between nine to eleven days.

MARISHA: Oh, shit.

SAM: Nine to eleven months?

ALL: Days!

SAM: Oh.

LIAM: We've been shitting around!

TRAVIS: Children will be born.

MATT: So, plenty of time on ship. You get to meet your old crew. Orly is happy to helm as navigator, but you guys can go back to whatever positions you want to, or you can return to the previous positions that you had worked and trained as. That includes you as the Captain, Beauregard as the First Mate or Cooper, Caduceus as the Bosun, Jester as the Carpenter–

LAURA: Of course I am.

MATT: Veth as the Powder Monkey–

SAM: Yep, that’s me.

MATT: And Caleb as the Navigator. But you also have Orly able to helm navigation if you don’t want to have to worry about that. Or you can have Marius help as a Bosun as well, and Gallan is trained as a carpenter as well. Gallan with his axe scar.

MARISHA: And who’s the new kid?

LAURA: (laughing) Right. Oh, no.

TRAVIS: The new kid?

MARISHA: Yeah, who’s the new kid? You said there was a new kid?

MATT: Oh right, yeah, there is a fourth person, who is–

TRAVIS: New-ish.

MATT: Shelda is her name.

MARISHA: Shelda.

MATT: Yeah. And she is a half-elf kind of young punk looking kid, maybe no more than 19 or so. Looks scrappy, probably came from a relatively impoverished upbringing, and is definitely in shades of young Beauregard, looking to prove themself out at sea.

TRAVIS: How old is Shelda?

MATT: Shelda– you’re not sure, but looks to be late teens, early 20's.

MARISHA: I go up to her.

MATT: Okay, you see her with her jet-black hair itself, that’s short in the back and there’s this big long kind of curled mess in the front that covers part of the face a bit as it plumes forward. Looks at you with the one immediately visible eye, the other one kind of obscured between the rest of the hair in front, and goes, “Can I help you?”

MARISHA: ‘Sup?

MATT: “‘Sup?”

MARISHA: How you doing?

MATT: “Doing all right.”

MARISHA: You like working with these people?

MATT: “I’ve only been with them for a few weeks. They hired me while we were waiting.”

MARISHA: These guys giving you a hard time?

MATT: “Not yet. Why? Should they?”

MARISHA: No, I was just checking. I mean, I wouldn’t care either way, so...

MATT: “This is your ship, right?

MARISHA: Yeah. Well, mine and my crew’s. Mighty Nein. I’m technically the first mate.

MATT: “Well, first mate."

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: "It’s a pleasure.”

MARISHA: Yeah. Cool. Just wanted to make my acquaintance. And I walk away.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: “Make my acquaintance?”

LIAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: Smooth move, exlax.

MARISHA: Cool.

(laughter)

LAURA: I’m sure she thinks you’re real cool.

TALIESIN: Oh man.

TRAVIS: Do you know what TikTok videos are?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I'm old.

MATT: And so...

TALIESIN: Beau.

MARISHA: Hm?

TALIESIN: I got you something.

MARISHA: What?

TALIESIN: I picked up something in town. I’ve been waiting. I hand Beau the fan. Now, do you know what this is?

MARISHA: I have an idea. It’s a fan.

TALIESIN: It is a fan.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: So, only use it– try to use it only once a day. You be careful with it now. Just hold it and–

LIAM: Just fan yourself.

MARISHA: Oh.

TALIESIN: I wouldn’t fan–

TRAVIS: (mimes her head blowing off) (explosion sound) (laughter)

TRAVIS: (low scream)

MATT: (neck breaking sound)

TRAVIS: Finish her!

MARISHA: I clack it.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

SAM: (gun cocking)

LIAM: Peace was never an option.

TALIESIN: See that seagull right over there?

MARISHA: Oh, that’s mean, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: You don’t even know what it does. (Someone makes a seagull sound. Marisha mimes waving fan. Matt makes the seagull explode in a puff of feathers.)

MATT: You just see a spray of feathers as it kind of like (drops) into the water.

TALIESIN: Did it do that much?

MATT: Hm?

TALIESIN: Gust of Wind?

MATT: Gust of Wind is, I believe, a second level spell.

TALIESIN: Oh, no.

SAM: (gun cocking)

LAURA: The Wildmother is going to be so pissed at you.

MATT: Yeah. “A line of strong wind 60 feet long and 10 feet wide blasts from you in a direction you choose for the spell’s duration” for one minute. So right now it’s like (mimes holding a fire hose).

MARISHA: Oh, it's just going?

MATT: It’s just going.

SAM: Oh, god.

ASHLEY: Put it up to the sails.

MATT: Each creature in the line must succeed on a saving throw or be pushed 15 feet away from you every round. It disperses gas or vapor, extinguishes candles, torches, similar unprotected flames in the area. It doesn’t do any real damage, but to a creature that is made mostly of feathers– it didn’t kill it, but you see it splash in the water and it is still in the water like (swimming confusedly).

MARISHA: Caduceus, can you help it?

TALIESIN: Yep, yep, yep. Hold on.

LIAM: The Mighty Nein does not like animals.

MARISHA: This is pretty cool, though. I turn to the sails.

MATT: So as a bonus action you can change the direction of it.

MARISHA: Oh, I can?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Oh.

MATT: So you turn– once you do it, it just creates it for concentration a minute in that direction. Then as a bonus action you can shift the direction of it.

MARISHA: I take the fan and I use it to guide the stream.

MATT: Okay. It makes the sail (bulges) picks up even heavier and for the next minute that it lasts, there is a little bit of a burst of speed to it, I guess you would say. From a physics standpoint... yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: I will keep– would I have to keep– Yeah, would it be stationary? Or would it be relative to the boat location?

MATT: I’d say it would be relative to the boat location.

MARISHA: Okay.

TALIESIN: Yeah, try– it can be used more than once, but try to only use it once a day, because it’ll fall apart. It’s very delicate.

MARISHA: Yeah, it’s pretty rickety.

TALIESIN: I did cast a healing spell on that poor bird.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Oh, man, that was more than I expected.

MATT: Feathers appear from outside of its...

TALIESIN: Sorry, that was really unintentional. (Matt squawks) No, that’s fair. (Squawk) Wow, really? Rude.

MARISHA: Thanks, Caduceus. Should I owe you any money for this?

TALIESIN: No, of course not.

MARISHA: You sure?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: How awesome do I look with it?

ASHLEY: It’s really pretty cool. I feel like it really completes the whole ensemble.

MARISHA: I pull out my staff, too.

ASHLEY: Yeah, there it is.

TALIESIN: Yeah, there you are.

LAURA: Pull out your star, too. (She awkwardly does, with her third hand)

LIAM: Now smoke a pipe as well.

MARISHA: Orly!

MATT: “Mmmm.”

MARISHA: Hold the pipe up to me.

LAURA: I’m going to draw it.

MATT: Stomps off.

MARISHA: Ooh, and I put my leg up on a cask. Just like Captain Morgan.

ALL: (General admiration)

MATT: Orly comes back five minutes later with a little tobacco box. Sets it out, opens it. Takes some tobacco and puts it in this long wooden pipe with this thin stem at the end. He goes–

MARISHA: My arms are hurting.

MATT: “Here you go.”

LAURA: Stay like that for like 30 minutes. I want to get this really detailed.

LIAM: Commemorate the moment.

TALIESIN: Actually–

TRAVIS: (whistles like a ship whistle)

SAM: Oh, Tusktooth is calling us!

TALIESIN: Caleb, um–

LAURA: Hold on, Captain!

TRAVIS: What are you doing?

MARISHA: She’s making a portrait.

LAURA: I'm doing a really good portrait!

TRAVIS: You’re supposed to be an example to the crew in my absence. What is this?

MARISHA: This is a glowing example. Look at– this is dope!

TRAVIS: Glowing?

LIAM: I cast Dancing Lights around Beauregard.

LAURA: I add that to the drawing. Remarkable.

MATT: It's pretty epic.

TALIESIN: Veth, Caleb, I picked this up in town, too. Maybe between the two of you, you can figure out–

SAM: What is it?

TALIESIN: It’s– I don’t know, it’s a locked box. Might be trapped. Might be weird. I don’t know.

SAM: I don’t know. When I open these, I die.

LAURA: Check for traps.

SAM: Okay. Checking for traps.

MATT: Investigation check.

TALIESIN: D4.

LAURA: (to Marisha) Keep holding that.

SAM: Plus a d4. Okay? Investigation? 25.

MATT: 25. It is not trapped.

LIAM: Well–

SAM: It’s good.

LIAM: Uh. Just set it on the ground for a moment.

SAM: I drop it.

TALIESIN: (explosions)

MATT: Distant shot of the ship... (mimes explosion) Just the whole Akira shot.

LIAM: I will spend ten minutes and ritually cast Detect Magic on it.

MATT: Okay. So you guys wait patiently while you’re finishing your artwork. Orly starts playing his bagpipes in the background.

LAURA: Keep your arms up!

MATT: Just keeping the whole ensemble unique.

SAM: We run a tight ship here, Tusktooth! We got painting, we got--

TRAVIS: I'm very rusty. How are we doing with the rest of the armada? Are we actually speeding up?

MATT: Well, for that brief instant, you sped up a little bit, but--

TRAVIS: I don't think it works that way, either, actually. I thought about it.

MATT: Yeah. I don't think--

TRAVIS: Your instinct was right.

MATT: Yeah, it wouldn't have made much of a difference..

TRAVIS: How does our ship do minus the fan, with the rest of the armada? Half? Kind of average, or...?

MATT: About average. The slowest ship is just a standard sailing ship, which can go about 48 miles in a day. So that’s kind of the pace everyone’s moving together. But the slower ships can go– the ones that are heavier can go even slower, so you’re moving at about 30 to 35 miles a day. The whole armada keeping up with itself.

TRAVIS: Is the Blue Heaven sort of out toward the peak, or the middle, or bringing up the rear?

MATT: The Blue Heaven’s in the center of it. And a few ships adjacent to it is the Winds of Aeons.

TRAVIS: I’m just going to keep an eye on them.

MATT: Understood. You finish casting Detect Magic and there is a magical aura from the inside.

LIAM: Is it Abjuration?

MATT: For this, it would be... Hold on just a second. It’s two small sources. One is faintly conjuration.

TALIESIN: ♪ Faintly conjuration. ♪

MATT: The other--

TRAVIS: Nope. That's not a song.

MATT: -- is transmutation.

LAURA: Ooh!

LIAM: Okay. I don’t know.

SAM: Should I pick the lock? Should we dispel some magic?

LIAM: Why don’t we all–

SAM: Yashie can– Wait, does your sword still Dispel Magic, or is that not..?

ASHLEY: Yeah, but I’m not– I have my other one right now. I could switch them out.

LIAM: There’d also be a good chance of destroying the box, though. Why don’t–

LAURA: How much did you spend on this, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: I don’t remember.

LIAM: Could you do it from a bit back?

SAM: Sure. Yeah.

LIAM: I think everybody should get away from it while Veth does her thing.

ASHLEY: Maybe open it out?

SAM: Sure.

LIAM: Okay. So we’ll make a nice wide ring around the box.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: Tusktooth, should I not do this on the ship? I mean, is this okay, do I have-- Captain, permission to pick the lock!

TRAVIS: Excellent. Permission granted.

SAM: Aye aye. All right.

TALIESIN: He’s gone mad with power.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: I’ll put it right at the front of the ship where I presume the lady is, at the front of the ship? Do we have one of those?

LAURA: Yeah, we do.

SAM: Okay, cool.

MATT: There you go.

SAM: Right on top of her, and I’ll cast Mage Hand, and I will pick the lock.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: d4.

LAURA: Do you get advantage? Did we give you advantage on it?

SAM: No. Technically I can reroll that but I’m not going to.

LIAM: You have to, halfling! You have to!

LAURA: Do it! You do.

SAM: I don’t have to.

LIAM: It’s the rule!

SAM: The rule is I can.

MATT: The rule is he can.

LAURA: Come on!

LIAM: Addicted to story.

SAM: What is this, sleight of hand? Don’t worry, I’ve got Reliable Talent.

MATT: You do.

LAURA: But you still rolled a one.

SAM: I did.

MATT: But it becomes a ten, because of Reliable Talent.

SAM: I know. That’s up to the DM to rule, but it’s, so it’s– do I also add the plus 4, or the d4?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: So it’s 26 on a...

MATT: On a natural one!

TRAVIS: Don’t worry, husband, I’ll be right back.

ASHLEY: What? How?

MATT: Rogues get eventually an ability called Reliable Talent where they technically can’t roll lower than a ten on a skill check.

LIAM: Although on Campaign One I was taking the ones when they came. I don’t know why. It led to the Walk of Shame.

LAURA: Oh, that’s amazing.

MATT: Well, given certain circumstances...

LIAM: That was the best.

MATT: You got to let a one go. Reliable Talent is when you’re intending to succeed.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: That’s enough. Carefully, you watch the box teeter and almost with some of the wind that blows through it begins to teeter off the side, about to fall in the water--

SAM: (yells)

MATT: You're like, "Ah!" You catch it, bring it back, and ever so carefully (clicking) (creaking) and the top lid opens up slightly as the lock itself opens and sticks out slightly.

LAURA: Bring it over! What does it do?

SAM: I will bring it over. And I will present it to everyone.

MATT: All right. You look on the inside, and there are some faint– I want to say it’s dirt or ash that’s on the inside, almost an element of packing what was inside. But rolled up tightly, it looks like a piece of paper, some sort of parchment. About a foot long.

SAM: A foot long.

TRAVIS: Someone was here already.

TALIESIN: Someone ordered a sandwich.

MATT: It's an IOU for what was in there, yeah.

LAURA: Should I pick it up and read it?

SAM: Yeah, yeah, read it.

LAURA: Do you want to read it, cause you bought it?

TALIESIN: I’m bad at public reading. It’s fine.

SAM: You should go to Toastmasters.

LAURA: What does it say?

TALIESIN: Thinking about it.

MATT: There are two scrolls in there, that contain two different arcane spells.

ALL: Whoa!

MATT: One of which is the second level spell Flaming Sphere.

ALL: Oooh!

MATT: The second one of which is Telekinesis.

ALL: Ooh!

SAM: Single use scrolls?

MATT: They’re single use.

TRAVIS: Motherfucking Telekinesis?!

LAURA: Unless he puts– if he puts them in his book, then it’s a lot-of-use-scrolls, right?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Well, I know one of those. So–

LAURA: Which one do you know?

LIAM: I have Flaming Sphere in my repertoire.

LAURA: (To Ashley) Do you want a fire sphere? Here, you take it!

TALIESIN: I don’t need a fire sphere.

LIAM: And only– Who can use that, only Veth and I? Or could the clerics use it?

MATT: Once you gain a level, there are some points where you can choose spells from other classes. You could take that one.

SAM: I could use it as a single use.

MATT: As a single use, yeah, you could.

LIAM: Yeah, that's what I meant.

TALIESIN: But we couldn’t use it as a single use.

MATT: Ummm.

ASHLEY: Yeah, can anybody?

TALIESIN: I don’t think so.

MATT: I’ll double check on that.

TRAVIS: ♪ Goodness gracious, ♪ great balls of fire ♪

LAURA: Here’s your Telekinesis-ness.

MATT: Been a while since we've--

LIAM: Thank you.

TALIESIN: (Handing scroll to Veth) Here’s a Flaming Sphere.

SAM: Thank you.

TALIESIN: Spend it all in one place.

MARISHA: Good buy!

LAURA: That was very kind of you, Caduceus!

TALIESIN: I mean, what else are you going to do with money?

MARISHA and LIAM: Goodbye.

TRAVIS: That's all I heard.

MARISHA: (door shutting)

TRAVIS: (low-pitched) Boop boop.

LIAM: Learn.

MATT: "If the spell is on your class’s spell list." So not everybody.

LAURA: Oh.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we couldn’t do it at all. I don’t think you have a use for it. I know I don’t.

MATT: So technically you could, because it is something you could pull out of– I would allow it, given the fact that is-- while it's not on your initial list, because at certain points you can choose any other class, I'll say, since it's a one-use scroll, I'd allow you to use it.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: Since you are one who is also learning from Caleb as you go along.

SAM: Great.

LIAM: Yeah!

MARISHA: Cool. That's a good spell.

SAM: Good purchase.

LIAM: Well, once we get back to civilization and I can buy some high quality paper and ink, I will be able to use that spell.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: Excellent.

ASHLEY: I love it so much.

LAURA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Ah!

MATT: So, we’ll just continue here. Day one. Day two. If there’s anything you want to do during this trip, as I progress through the days, jump in.

MARISHA: How’s the weather looking?

MATT: First couple days, clear. Open blue skies. Dotted bits of white cloud but very minimal and isolated. Otherwise, it’s perfect sailing weather. Nice and warm. The occasional ocean spray giving a cool balance to that.

TALIESIN: I'm going to make a pillow fort in the crow's nest.

LAURA: I spend a lot of time carving little figures of the Traveler.

MATT: Okay, cool.

LAURA: So many. So many little figurines of the Traveler. I’m really tired of making figurines of the Traveler.

MATT: Fair enough. Day three comes with a heavier marine layer fog, that hangs over a big part of the day. Burns off slightly as the afternoon kicks in. But still, the clouds are a little more there.

MARISHA: I go over to Jester. That’s a lot of figures.

LAURA: Yeah. I figure everyone should get one when they come to the con.

MARISHA: That’s pretty good.

LAURA: Yeah. My mom, whenever she hosts parties, everybody gets to go home with something. So, I figure it would be nice.

MARISHA: You know, I still have this jeweler’s kit, and I think it has some leftover stuff. I’ve just kind of like had this thing. I don’t know, maybe we could make a few that are necklaces, or fancy ones?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MARISHA: For the high ranking members?

LAURA: Oh my gosh. We can use some of the leftover jewel dust and sprinkle it on some of them, make them real sparkly.

MARISHA: Yeah, that’s dope.

LAURA: That’s really awesome. That’s such a good idea, Beau.

MARISHA: I sit down and I help Jester make some fancy ones, and put some on chains.

MATT: Okay, so day three you’re helping Jester with crafts.

LAURA: We're crafting.

MATT: Fair enough.

TALIESIN: The best part of D&D was the absence of glitter in that world, and you’ve now ruined that.

LAURA: It’s like the gem dust, you can’t get it off. It will always be there.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it.

MARISHA: There’s like some that got in my eye. And it now looks like a kaleidoscope everywhere I look.

MATT: Ten years down the road, you’re going to have this terrible, terrible growth.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: So this is going to be a number of days at sea. So if there’s anything you want to accomplish, any conversations you want to have, any check-ins, anything– this is– you guys are a captive audience here on this boat as you’re watching the armada. If there’s anything you want to keep an eye out for, if there’s anything you want to discuss. Day four comes around.

LAURA: I make sure Sprinkle’s doing good.

TALIESIN: Oh, wow, I forgot.

LAURA: Yeah. Sprinkle didn’t have a good time on the ocean before, so I’m just checking every once in a while to make sure--

TRAVIS: (high-pitched) Give me a viking death.

LAURA: Sprinkle’s okay.

(laughter)

SAM: (high-pitched) Bury me at sea.

TALIESIN: Keeping an eye out.

LIAM: (high-pitched) Oh look, a plank!

MATT: Sprinkle is much happier since having the bath that was last given. Very unhappy being so clean at the time because there was an element of, you know, natural oils and stuff that keep to it, but seems to be having a better time on the sea this time than the previous journey, by and large. Fourth day. Cloud cover takes the entire day. The marine layer brings with it some actual clouds. Nothing rain worthy, but at least the blue skies for this day have faded.

MARISHA: Yasha.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARISHA: Can you still sense the weather and shit?

ASHLEY: I mean, I never really could sense the weather. I think I would just kind of– I feel like the rain and lightning would sometimes find me. But I don’t, you know–

MARISHA: Is this your fault? Did you do this?

ASHLEY: I don’t think so. But it’s very possible.

MARISHA: Last time we were on this boat, you fought an invisible storm monster, and we all just kind of watched, and it was real crazy.

ASHLEY: Yeah, that was a little crazy.

MARISHA: I still don’t know if we really have gotten that full side of the story– what was it? Do you know what that was?

ASHLEY: Yeah. Well, I mean...

LAURA: It was like a lightning beast.

ASHLEY: It was a lightning beast, but I think it was–

TALIESIN: Very, very frightening.

ASHLEY: It was very frightening, but I think it was sort of a lesson for me from the Stormlord.

MARISHA: Do you think he’s going to teach you any more lessons? Is this like an ongoing course? Or do you think now that you’re free from Obann, that you’ve kind of broken away–?

LAURA: Yeah, are you talking to him more and stuff now?

ASHLEY: I mean, not really. I guess I should. I feel like you are so close with talking with the Traveler, but I don’t know if I want to be that close.

LAURA: Well, and now we know why I’m so close, you know.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: How are you feeling about that?

MARISHA: That’s a good question.

LAURA: Can I be honest?

MARISHA: Yeah, we were just crafting. It’s the perfect time to be honest.

LAURA: That’s true. Yasha, do you want to craft?

MARISHA: We’re making necklaces.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay.

LAURA: Come and sit down, sit down.

ASHLEY: I just smoosh the clay.

LAURA: I don’t know how I feel about it, you know? Like at first, I guess I felt a little... betrayed, if that’s the right word? I spent a long time thinking he was a god, and he never told me otherwise. I mean, but at the end of the day, he’s been one of my best friends. He got me through a lot of really terrible times, and if this is what he needs now, then I’ll help him.

ASHLEY: That’s very nice of you.

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I feel like I would have a very different reaction.

MARISHA: Yeah, same. We’re very protective of you.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARISHA: And defensive, you know, so if we ever come across as assholes, it’s only out of love.

LAURA: I know that. Hey, you know– I know you think he might be a little strange. I see the way you talk to him. But he gives me really good powers. It’s not like I’m just worshiping this guys, and he’s just like, “Yeaaahhh.” He’s like, “Okay, yeah, here’s a whole bunch of really cool spells.”

ASHLEY: Yeah, but towards what you were saying, I feel like a lot of that power is in you. I mean, how much of that is he giving you? Don’t you already just have it?

LAURA: I don’t know how that works. I don’t remember being able to do anything fun like that before I met him. But to be honest, I never really tried.

MARISHA: Maybe he just showed you the path.

LAURA: Maybe. But isn’t that enough? If he woke it up in me, then...

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARISHA: I think it’s nice to acknowledge it, but give yourself some credit too, for the accomplishments that you’ve made completely on your own.

LAURA: That’s true, I did design some really good clothes. Well, that wasn’t on my own, that was with Caduceus. He is really stylish.

MARISHA: Yeah, thank you for my suit. That was great

ASHLEY: That suit was pretty cool. Thank you for the dress. I really liked it. The slit was very high, but–

MARISHA: It looked great.

LAURA: You have really good legs, Yasha. I just wanted to show them off.

ASHLEY: Oh, thanks. Well, it helped with moving around.

LAURA: Plus, I mean, too, in my defense, I kind of underestimated your height. So I was thinking the slit would be a little lower on you.

ASHLEY: Yeah, it did go all the way up here. It’s fine.

LAURA: It’s a good thing you don’t wear underwear.

ASHLEY: Yeah. No, I know.

LIAM: Canon.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah.

SAM: Fire?

TRAVIS: No, no. No.

SAM: Ready?

TRAVIS: No.

ASHLEY: I take a little bite of the clay.

LAURA: Oh, it’s probably not very tasty.

ASHLEY: Yeah, but I’ve heard sometimes it tastes a little bit salty.

MARISHA: What does it taste like? Good?

ASHLEY: Yeah, it’s a little salty, you know?

LAURA: Like mud?

ASHLEY: Did you ever try it?

MARISHA: I try a little corner.

LAURA: I try it.

TALIESIN: We're at sea, everything's salty.

TRAVIS: No!

LAURA: It tastes like....

MARISHA: I do feel like we’ve been on the ocean, so my electrolytes are a little depleted. That’s kind of nice.

LAURA: I don’t like it. I don’t like it at–

ASHLEY: You can spit it out. (Holds out her hand) I smoosh it back in. This will be a very special one. Whoever gets this one.

MARISHA: What about you, Yasha?

ASHLEY: What about me?

LAURA: Deflection, deflection, deflection.

ASHLEY: I don’t like talking about myself very much. But—

LAURA: No, but really, before we left, Caleb mentioned it then. Like he made a joke of it, of you and the pit, but it’s not really a joke, is it?

ASHLEY: I mean, I thought maybe I would feel better after that, but it didn’t really help. I think it was only satisfying for a very brief moment. And I guess maybe I thought that maybe I should.... I don’t know. That’s a little dark. But...

LAURA: You should what?

ASHLEY: I think because I’m– I don’t know. I guess I thought maybe I should just die for every person that I’ve killed or something. But that’s obviously not going to help anything.

LAURA: It won’t. Because think of all the good you’re going to be able to do now. If you died, it would just end with the bad.

ASHLEY: Yeah. Well, you guys are very wonderful. And have made me feel a lot better about the choices that I’ve made, and some of the choices that I have not made.

MARISHA: That must be a weird experience. A lot of people, kind of like the issue with Essek, he consciously made a lot of those choices.

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARISHA: That’s not you. There is a big difference.

ASHLEY: Yeah. I think so. But still it’s a hard thing to try to forgive yourself for. And I hurt you pretty bad, and that makes me feel very, very terrible.

MARISHA: Oh, that. Don’t worry about it.

LAURA: Plus, her scars look pretty cool.

MARISHA: Yeah, it just adds to my aesthetic. It’s great. It makes me a little bit more interesting as a person.

ASHLEY: I mean, you’re already very, very interesting. You’re both very interesting. Like, you know...

MARISHA: What do you think will help make you feel better? Do you know?

ASHLEY: I don’t know yet. I mean, I think just being around you guys has been a help in itself. But I guess I’ll find that out. I’ve seen so many things that I thought I never would see.

LAURA: Like, the ocean?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARISHA: I’ve really missed it. I’m not going to lie. I really like being on a boat.

LAURA: Maybe when everything’s done, you can be a pirate for real. Or, you know, an actual ship captain.

MARISHA: But like a spy pirate. How awesome is that?

LAURA: Spy pirate is pretty cool.

LIAM: Spirate.

MARISHA: Yeah. I can still work with the Cobalt Reserve, but--

ASHLEY: On the sea?

MARISHA: Yeah, an international waters branch.

LAURA: Oooh.

ASHLEY: That'd be pretty cool. Yeah.

MARISHA: Hmm. I think this one’s going to be mine.

LAURA: That’s like really big, Beau.

MARISHA: I deliberately made it huge.

LAURA: You’re going to be almost the highest priestess, after me.

MARISHA: Oh, is it like based on size– Oh.

LAURA: I mean, I’m not going to have– Mine’s just going to be really sparkly. I’m working on it.

MARISHA: ‘Cause I don’t want to inflate my position if like the bigger means like--

LAURA: No, no, no. You guys, we’re all going to be super high priests and priestesses.

ASHLEY: This is becoming such a performance. It’s fun.

LAURA: I’m not exactly sure what we’re doing yet, but it will present itself on the day, yeah.

ASHLEY: It'll be pretty great. Wait, Nott?

SAM: Oy?

LAURA: Veth.

ASHLEY: Veth.

SAM: Oh.

ASHLEY: I’m sorry, it’s habit.

SAM: Yeah, that’s fair. It’ll take me a while, too.

ASHLEY: Do you know how to swim?

SAM: No.

ASHLEY: We need to fix that.

SAM: Nope! No, we don’t need to.

MARISHA: I gave her like one lesson, once and she like never came back to do it again. Maybe you’ll do better.

SAM: Do you know how to swim?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: Where did you learn?

LAURA: Yeah, how did you learn how to swim?

ASHLEY: There’s some bodies of water up there. We would have to bathe and things like that. Not super-deep or anything like that, but I know how to float. I know how to get from one side to the other. And I could teach you.

SAM: Do you know different strokes?

LAURA: I know different strokes.

ASHLEY: For different folks? Yeah.

SAM: What you talkin’ ‘bout? I mean, when would I need to know that, though? Why would I need to know that?

LAURA: What if we get in a big pirate battle and our ship sinks? And then we’re like in the ocean?

SAM: (points to ring) I can walk on water.

LAURA: What if your ring falls off? What if your hand explodes off?

SAM: Aahh!

LAURA: It could happen. I almost lost both my hands.

ASHLEY: It's just good to know how.

LAURA: (silly sound)

SAM: Well, I guess if we dock somewhere, you could teach me a lesson.

ASHLEY: Okay.

SAM: I guess I wouldn’t mind learning.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I think it would be really good for you to know how to swim. Just in case.

SAM: Fjord, would you– I’m sorry. Captain! Captain Tusktooth?

TRAVIS: Yes?

SAM: Powder monkey Veth here. If I were to do a swimming lesson, would you control the water around me and make it so I couldn’t drown?

TRAVIS: Absolutely not. It’s sink or swim. But what I would do is allow you to breathe underwater, just in case things weren’t going your way.

ASHLEY: No.

SAM: What do you mean, no?

ASHLEY: How are you going to learn if you have help? You have to learn how to do it yourself.

LAURA: But at least it will teach her how to move in the water.

TRAVIS: There’s a fair difference between... well, you know, at port is not so bad, actually. Are we throwing her out on a rope behind the ship?

SAM: No!

TRAVIS: While we’re moving? Is that what you want to do?

SAM: Sounds like torture.

TRAVIS: I think it's a great idea.

MARISHA: I could start the fan.

TALIESIN: I was just coming by– did someone say they needed rope? We got so much rope. Are we doing something?

LAURA: No, we’re not doing that.

TALIESIN: Oh, I’m going to go back to playing with the wheel.

MARISHA: Wait, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: What? Rope?

MARISHA: I’m going to help you make some tea.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MARISHA: (shouts) Caleb?

LIAM: (quietly) Hmm?

MARISHA: (still shouting) Were you napping?

LIAM: No, I'm standing three feet away from you.

(laughter)

MARISHA: (normal volume) Do you want some tea?

LIAM: Of course I want some tea. Thank you.

MARISHA: I’m going to go help Caduceus make tea.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: We’ll table the swim lessons for now.

ASHLEY: Yeah. Yeah.

TALIESIN: That’s the weirdest metaphor for learning how to drive stick shift I’ve ever sat through. You never know.

LIAM: I walk over to where the Captain is.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: Captain.

TRAVIS: What is your position on this ship? What do you...?

LIAM: I am the navigator.

TRAVIS: (Writing) Navigato– oh, that’s right. You know where the fuck you are at all times. Yes?

LIAM: Yes. What is this part of the ship called again? My memory is not–

TRAVIS: Where are we?

LIAM: At the front area of the ship?

TRAVIS: Yes. This is the bow.

LIAM: The bow. Good to know. Good to know.

TRAVIS: Is that right? I think that’s right.

MATT: Yes. That is correct.

LIAM: You know, despite your–

TRAVIS: ♪ On the bow of a ship headed for a new land. ♪

LIAM: Despite your actor’s nervousness about shipping terms right now, I can’t help but notice that you seem more at ease out here.

TRAVIS: A little bit.

LIAM: Yeah?

TRAVIS: Yeah. I mean, it helps that you all know a little bit more. I don’t quite feel the pressure to pretend like I know everything because I don’t, and we’ve all leaned on each other rather well, so, yeah.

LIAM: You are very... different than when I first met you. Accent aside.

TRAVIS: That’s fair. That’s fair.

LIAM: It’s curious to me because we are sailing off to something very intense, and Beauregard and I and Veth have very personal stakes in this, and Caduceus is here because he sees some sort of grand plan in everything we do. Jester is like the glue of this group of weirdos that we are. And Yasha.... I have never met anyone who craved a family so much. But you– You know, I brought up the other day that sword you held up to my neck.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: That seems so long ago. I was very untrustworthy. I am very untrustworthy. You were founded in your actions that day, but you are far more... you were darker then, and this new place you’re in– I know you’re still finding your footing, but– it is admirable. What you are doing– you are here, out in the middle of nowhere, trying to help broker peace between two countries, neither of which you are from. And we’d like to think of Caduceus as the only... as the most selfless in our party, but you’re no slouch yourself.

TRAVIS: Thank you. That means a lot. I realize darker is probably a very apt term. I would probably call it more “full of it.” That sword, and everything that came with it, was really the first sense of control I’ve had in my life. Or the ability to control others, or even just affect a situation, and I think with a little reflection, I’m starting to realize that maybe I thought that the way to enforce, or shepherd others was through darkness or force or threats.

LIAM: Control is a tempting thing.

TRAVIS: Yeah. It didn’t feel good. I stopped you in that moment, and then I felt terrible, and I didn’t know if that meant that control meant feeling terrible all the time or if there was something wrong with the way that that exchange went, and that and a million other things led to me realizing I don’t have to do things that way. I don’t have to do things in the way that were done to me.

LIAM: I understand you.

TRAVIS: Of course you do. Of course you do. I don’t know if I’m more comfortable, or if maybe I just care a bit less, and I think that’s the better place for me to be. I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable with any of this, but small things help. Watching over you in Rexxentrum. Making sure that Jester can do whatever she needs to do with this entity. Watching Beau go back to her family. Watching Yasha come back. Watching Veth– This is more life than I ever thought I would see, and every day is like a new page in what I thought was going to be a terribly boring and repetitive book, and it’s not. So... yeah.

LIAM: These people that we are dealing with, my people.. There are good people in the Empire, but these are not them. They are dangerous, and you are selflessly putting yourself in a very dangerous spot for very bad people. I– I was one of them, Fjord. He sort of grips the railing of the ship, and looks to see where everybody else is, particularly Jester, and when he realizes that they’re well enough away– A long time ago you asked me about myself, and I just never answered. I value this family, Fjord, because I killed my own. For these people that we are going to deal with. Do you understand me? My own. And um... I'm ruined. But... I take comfort in the fact that I have a chance to do something to make up for it. And I am very grateful for these people, and you. You are a good friend. And I felt like that needed to be said out loud. I am glad you’re here.

TRAVIS: I admit I can’t even begin to fathom what your experience in all this must be like. I never knew my family and whatever story I tell myself about them in no way compares to what I know you have gone through. I know that. You are a good friend. I know you’ve done terrible things, but I see a good man. I do. It’s part of the reason I decided to just try and be one myself and not someone else. You and I have very similar journeys and vastly different backgrounds. These people, your people– have we even scratched the surface of what they can do?

LIAM: I really don’t think so.

TRAVIS: What are they waiting for?

LIAM: A moment where they can ascend.

TRAVIS: You think they mean to empower the Empire, raise it above the Dynasty, or is there a chance that they are trying to do more?

LIAM: It is definitely to raise the power of the Empire, for they are the Empire. But my teacher... they serve a king, but they serve themselves. They always have. They will do anything to maintain and improve their position.

TRAVIS: They certainly don’t seem to be the tightest of groups. There seems to be some small fracturing.

LIAM: I know, and even one or two in the pack who are... fine. But the Martinet is dangerous. Ikithon is dangerous. So are my old friends.

TRAVIS: You know, in my town, when a terrible storm would come in, it wasn’t because you could see it or feel it. Sometimes it was just noticing the animals around you starting to act differently. I keep an eye on you when we’re around these people. I have no idea what they’re capable or what the signs are. If your eyes are on them, our eyes are on you.

LIAM: I will try not to let you down.

TRAVIS: We’re behind you.

LIAM: Do you remember when we almost sank our own ship?

TRAVIS: Which time?

(soft laughter)

LIAM: Good point.

MARISHA: Caleb. Tea. Fjord. Tea.

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: There you go.

TRAVIS: I didn’t ask for–

MARISHA: We just made a bunch. Don’t worry about it.

LIAM: Like civilized people.

TRAVIS: What is that smell?

MARISHA: Ask Caduceus.

TRAVIS: I will.

TALIESIN: Saffron and mushroom. Why?

TRAVIS: No, it’s lovely.

MARISHA: Saffron and mushroom...

LIAM: Is this made from anyone you knew?

TALIESIN: No. I can definitely– I mean, not personally, no. I mean, it’s definitely somebody that I buried. I mean, that’s what I– but I didn’t actually– they came dead to the– to the temple.

LIAM: (coughing) Very good. Good.

ASHLEY: Dead people taste so good.

TALIESIN: I think so.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah, they do.

TALIESIN: Tea?

ASHLEY: Yes, more, please.

MATT: Day three goes on, uneventful at sea comparatively. Though the grey skies are comforting, as they remind you of better times growing up in the Empire. Day four comes in, the sky is still grey. To the east, a cold wind begins to pick up and it looks to be a storm coming. Nothing too heavy, but it looks like rain is probably imminent.

MARISHA: Cap’n.

TRAVIS: Yes?

MARISHA: It appears a storm’s a-comin’.

TRAVIS: Why does your voice change every time we’re on a ship?

MARISHA: I’m assertive. Just– Veth is doing it too.

TRAVIS: No.

MARISHA: She’s talking weird.

TRAVIS: She’s really not. She’s just very gung-ho about her job. It's-- she's very excited.

MARISHA: I’m gung-ho about my job. As your first mate.

TRAVIS: I get it. What were you coming–

MARISHA: Storm’s a-brewing, Captain!

LIAM: Off the coast of Maine.

TRAVIS: I can see that. Any recommendations, First Mate?

MARISHA: Well, as they say, red sky at night--

TRAVIS: It's not red.

MARISHA: -- is a sailor's delight.

TRAVIS: It's gray out.

MARISHA: And a red-- A gray sky in the morning is a sailor's warning. That's what I read in a book.

TRAVIS: I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s pretty fucking good.

TALIESIN: It’s true.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: It sounds better.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Yes, uh–

MARISHA: That’s it, that’s all I have to report.

TRAVIS: Great, make ready the ship for inclement weather.

MATT: Orly comes over and–

MARISHA: Orly!

MATT: “Cap’n.”

TRAVIS: Yes, Orly. Ah.

MATT: “Looks like we’re coming up on the Inkclaw Reef. Gonna keep north of it so we don’t get dragged under.”

TRAVIS: (checking map) Inkclaw Reef is southeast... Yes, no, yep, continue course. Oh, there it is.

TALIESIN: Steady as she goes.

MARISHA: Is it with an 'A'?

SAM: Do we know where we’re going?

MARISHA: Inkclaw.

MATT: You're following the armada, which you know knows where it's going.

LIAM: There's a giant star on it.

TALIESIN: We were supposed to get off at the last overpass.

TRAVIS: We're heading south.

MATT: Yeah. You guys are heading south-southeast. Inkclaw Reef is actually around Urukaxl, the island where the serpent folk were. But you guys are skirting north, past the reef, and heading that direction. The armada itself as is arranging course appropriately. You also see the ships start taking a little more of a separation, in preparation for the coming storm in case the waves get choppy, you don't want the ships too close together and smashing into each other. Yeah.

MARISHA: Orly. I have to ready the ship for problematic weather. What do I do? Don't tell the captain.

MATT: "Oh, uh, maybe it's best we get you together with Marius. He'll show you around.

MARISHA: I have to work with Marius? That guy sucks. All right.

TRAVIS: Beau?

MARISHA: What?

TRAVIS: Take Shelda with you.

MARISHA: (deep sigh)

TALIESIN: I'm getting everything I paid for.

MARISHA: Yes, Captain.

TRAVIS: Where's that voice?

MARISHA: Yes, Captain!

MATT: All right. Preparing the ship for the storm, getting the sails ready, battening down the hatches.

TALIESIN: Hatches battened.

TRAVIS: I just wanted somebody to say it.

MATT: Yeah.But the evening comes. The rain does begin to kick in a little ways into sunset. It is a strong rain. So. Evening comes toward to all of you. Mostly uneventful night. Let's see here. There we go. Just a second. I need to get all my audio ducks in a row here.

LIAM: Way to date this episode.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: "Way to date this episode"?

MATT: You hear it first.

SAM: Shit.

MATT: Catching your attention, Yasha.

LAURA: Oh, no.

LIAM: Yass!

MATT: With a familiar, welcoming, delight. (thunder)

ALL: Oooo!

TRAVIS: What the fuck?!

SAM: There's lights and shit!

MATT: And as you hear it from through the wood, laying in your bunk and keep your eyes closed. Eventually the early, early morning hours push you to rest, the thunder lulling you to sleep. Each of you find your way to your bunks as well, as Orly takes over the ship and the rest of the crew keeps watch.

LAURA: Is it really rocky at this point?

MATT: It's pretty rocky, back and forth. For some, it's uncomfortable. For some, it's almost like being rocked as a baby. In your early storm-based dreams, the rumble brings with it imagery of you, once again, lost in the Barren Plains of Xhorhas, all darkness but for the distant red horizon. Your whole body is sore as you trudge through the mud and muck. You can see the storm brewing ahead and as you look down at your hands, you can see the shackles that once bound your wrists, chains dangling from them, now broken. You look up once more. You can see the flash of light in the clouds above and there's expectation. You look down ahead and warmly alit before you is a path. Red, like the horizon itself. Do you walk it?

ASHLEY: Absolutely.

MATT: As you walk the path, onward, onward, a bolt of lightning hits the ground but a hundred feet from you. The sound deafens your ears as the blast echoes. Your vision goes white for a moment, but you keep pushing forward. Another flash, 40 feet from you, sending shards of rock and glass showering down from your left side. Do you continue on the path?

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Pushing forward, the rain begins to fall and pummeling you, turning to hail, your skin numb with the hundreds and hundreds of vast and quick impacts. Another flash hits the path directly in front of you, scattering it into a small chasm before you. As you come close, it seems to widen with each step, the ground pulling further and further away until you come to the very edge. What do you do?

ASHLEY: I jump.

MATT: You run, and you leap, and as you leap, the other side continues to stretch away. And you fall, and you fall, and you fall. And you look up, as the wide mouth of this chasm grows further and further away. And looking up into the sky, all you see are the electric eyes in the clouds. What do you do?

ASHLEY: I cry out to the Stormlord, and I reach out a hand.

MATT: What do you say?

ASHLEY: Please, please help me.

MATT: "Prove. Prove." A bolt of lightning strikes from the sky and hits you. Your entire body is rocked with pain. This vibration of strength as to cause every element of your senses to be rocked. And you push through the pain as hard as you can to continue to keep your contact with this cloud. Go ahead and roll a wisdom saving throw for me.

ASHLEY: Nine.

MATT: A nine.

TRAVIS and LAURA: (whispering) Nein!

ASHLEY: Sorry. A 10.

MATT: A ten. Your muscles tense and you continued to plummet. "Prove."

ASHLEY: Um... I'm going to bamf out my wings.

LAURA: Yeah!

ASHLEY: Necrotic Shroud.

MATT: The pain through your body-- you can see the skin itself splitting from where the energy required a place to escape. And as you close your eyes and scream out loud into the darkness, this chasm, now a razor-thin mark of red-clouded sky above, before the abyss takes you, you scream and release the essence of the celestial blood that sits in your veins. And with that, the chasm grows closer, and closer, and closer, until you find yourself pushing out from the opening in the ground from whence you fell, your feet resting once more on the path on the other side. As you stop and your wings gather around you, they are not black, but feathered.

TRAVIS: Ooh!

MARISHA: Oh my God.

MATT: The voice once more says, "You are worthy, both of my guidance and of your own acceptance. This path before you is long, and I won't let you stray." Fjord.

SAM: Ooh!

LAURA: (fake sobbing)

TRAVIS: What? What?

SAM: You also have wings.

MARISHA: The eye.

MATT: A night of restless sleep comes to you--

TRAVIS: Jesus fuck.

MATT: Whether it be the sound of the heavy rain hitting the glass doors on the outside of your captain's quarters, just the anxiety of the coming interaction, but you toss and turn quite a bit. But once sleep does take you, you have visions of being in a forest once more, not unlike the one that you had traversed to help Caduceus find his family. You are alone and you don't know where to go. You travel a bit and it just continues, almost the same, like it's a repeating glade. You push past trees. The rain now falls through the top of the forest and you hear the distant rumbles of thunder carrying into this space. What do you do?

TRAVIS: Repeating forest. Thunder. God, these are hard. I will summon the sword. Can I sink it into the earth and try and listen for the voice of the Wildmother?

MATT: You summon the sword to your hand, and what stares back at you is not the runed blade that you found on this journey, but the familiar curved faction, with a singular yellow eye looking back, and you feel a burning pain in your chest. It burns even brighter, and hotter, and suddenly it's a pain that is unbearable. As you come to consciousness trying to scream, but you're winded, as a dark figure stands over your bed, a blade plunged in your chest.

MARISHA and LAURA: (gasping)

SAM: Ooh? Nani?

TRAVIS: The fucking girl!

MARISHA: Oh, no!

MATT: You suffer 12 points of slashing damage, as well as four points of psychic damage.

SAM: Not too terrible.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: It's a priest of Uk'otoa or something.

SAM and LAURA: (whispering) Uk'otoa.

MATT: As you lie there, the blade, a familiar-looking barnacle-encrusted falchion, partially thrust into your abdomen, the creature holding it appears humanoid before you.

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: But you see heavy, tattered robes and slivers of cloth. You see grayish-blue skin. You see a humanoid face with long, thick tendrils of hair, yellow eyes, and the jaw itself seemingly split partially open and is kind of breathing like an exaggerated predator. Let's go ahead and roll initiative.

(laughter and shrieks)

TRAVIS: What are you talking about!?

SAM: This unexpected combat is brought to you by Dwarven Forge. They'll be at AdeptiCon this year, booth 801. Bring your armies and wage war on the ultimate battlefield terrain. Find more at dwarvenforge.com. What is happening!?

LIAM: This is exciting!

(Matt brings out the map, more shrieks)

LAURA: Where is his cabin? Where's-- Where is Ford? Where are the rest of us? Is he in captain's quarters and the rest of us are--

SAM: Where's Yasha? Is Yasha flying out over the ocean?

LIAM: That was in her dreams.

LAURA: Yasha was having a--

ASHLEY: Yeah, it was just a dream.

SAM: I mean, those don't even look like boats, Matt.

MATT: So this is the gun deck--

MARISHA: Yeah, what is it? What is it?

MATT: --and this is the cargo hold beneath. So, top level, mid level, bottom level.

LAURA: That's so cool.

TRAVIS: Fjord is right here, right?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Mid level, bottom level, okay.

MARISHA: He said blue-skinned.

SAM: What is happening?

MARISHA: What the fuck is happening?

MATT: Fjord. You are in bed, while this creature was here.

SAM: What does it look like?

LAURA: What is it? Does it look like Avantika?

MATT: It's what I am using for the creature.

LAURA: Does it look like dead Avantika?

MATT: No.

TRAVIS: That's not Avantika.

MATT: Where are you guys sleeping in the ship?

LAURA: I don't know! Are these the only places to sleep?

TRAVIS: It has the sword.

MATT: Correct.

SAM: I would be in a hammock between two cannons.

MATT: Okay. So we'll put you over here.

TRAVIS: What the fucking horse nipples is happening?

ASHLEY: I'm on the floor.

MATT: Cot on the floor here?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARISHA: Is this the same morning that I was prepping the boat or is this the next day?

MATT: This is like 2:30 in the morning. Everyone's gone to sleep.

LAURA: I guess...

MATT: Jester.

TRAVIS: You just gave me full body pimples. Seriously.

LAURA: I'm going to be on the bottom, bottom.

MATT: The bottom, bottom? So you're somewhere in here.

LAURA: Yeah, in the green fancy bed.

TRAVIS: I was enjoying your shit, then I'm like, "Nope, no."

MATT: Caduceus?

TALIESIN: Cot on the gun deck. The--

MATT: Like here?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Oh, there's a big double-wide, actually. Maybe I'll take that big one.

MATT: Switch to the big one?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: That is definitely the bed that says hope springs eternal.

TRAVIS: Let's pick up our beds right now. I've got a fucking sword in my chest.

MATT: Beauregard.

MARISHA: Beau would also sleep on the floor. Beau is very comfortable sleeping on the floor.

MATT: Across from Caduceus?

MARISHA: Across from Caduceus.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Picking beds.

MATT: Caleb.

LIAM: Red bed.

SAM: Red Bed Redemption?

LIAM: Red Bed. Red Bed.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: What is it?

MATT: So. Ah, okay.

LIAM: The fuck do we do?

MATT: Just a minute here as I situate this. All right.

LAURA: We wouldn't even know though.

MATT and TALIESIN: Nope.

MATT: So, Fjord, what'd you get?

TRAVIS: 15.

MATT: 15. Okay.

MARISHA: Oh, we didn't roll initiative.

LAURA: We're not rolling yet.

MARISHA: We're not rolling.

MATT: Alrighty. Getting this all situated so we're ready here for me to look at. That puts Fjord...

LIAM: Travis in the hot seat.

TRAVIS: I was just enjoying Ashley's ride and then I got caught looking.

MATT: It happens, man.

ASHLEY: When he looks over at you, and you're like, "No, no, no, no, no, no. Never. No."

TRAVIS: Uh huh.

TALIESIN: Please, spare me another day. Today is not my day.

ASHLEY: Oh my god, look at the shark.

TALIESIN: I know. I was really enjoying the shark.

MATT: Okay. Thank you for getting this situated here. So, Fjord. You are prone in the bed. You are not wearing armor because you were sleeping.

TRAVIS: Oh, should my AC be lower?

MATT: Your AC is 10 plus your dexterity modifier right now.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's 10 plus my dex mod?

MATT: Yup.

TRAVIS: Cool. It's 10.

MATT: All right, cool. So it's their turn first.

LAURA: Ooh, you have low fucking dex.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's why I might be dead right now.

MATT: So this entity pulls the blade from your chest, an arc of blood across the outer wall and the window on the side, just (splatters) across the edge. It's going to go ahead and attempt to bite you. You watch its jaw, it's partially open and it goes (weird opening) and it goes towards you and attempts to clamp down on your body.

TRAVIS: What?!

MATT: That's a natural 20.

LAURA: Oh, no! No!

TRAVIS: I believe you.

MATT: I'm rolling that sapphire dice and it came up on a sapphire.

TRAVIS: Get rid of that thing.

MATT: The good news is, it's not the other attack. I rolled a six. So that's 12 plus five, 17 points of piercing damage as it sinks into your body and you feel the pain as it tears upward and you see there are bite marks scraped into your abdomen as it pulls up and sucks in some of the blood that it's taken from the wound. It's going to strike you twice with its sword.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: It's a natural one. Fucking lucky. That's cocked. It's 24 to hit.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that hits.

MATT: So this blade strikes once towards you and you roll out of the way, and it slams into the bed. As you pull back, it arcs upward and cuts you across the side. You take 13 points of slashing damage and two points of psychic damage.

TRAVIS: All right. Holy shit. And that was in addition to the bite damage as well?

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: Did you give me bite damage?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

TRAVIS: You did?

TALIESIN: It wasn't terrible.

TRAVIS: I don't think I put it down. Do you remember?

MATT: It was 17 points.

TRAVIS: That's different.

TALIESIN: 12 plus five.

TRAVIS: Whoof.

MATT: It's your turn, Fjord.

TRAVIS: That dude dropped me in half. Or thing. Uhhh, that changes a lot. Okay. Ooh. Can I summon the--

MATT: Do you summon your blade?

TRAVIS: Yup.

MATT: Your sword summons to your side.

LAURA: Is it the real one?

MARISHA: I know, which one is it?

MATT: It's your rune blade. And looking around, you can see the blade in this creature's hand is the Sword of Fathoms, or at least looks very much like it.

TRAVIS: Okay. Um, can I cast-- I've got to get the fuck outta here. Can I-- I can't let him hit me again, or I'm going to be fucking smoked. I'm going to cast Far Step at fifth level.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Which lets me "teleport 60 feet to an unoccupied space you can see. Each one of your turns before the spell ends you can use a bonus action to teleport in this way again." And I will (swoosh) out of the captain's quarters onto the main deck.

MATT: "To where you can see." Correct?

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

MATT: Right now, you only have visual outside this window, and outside onto the deck out there.

TRAVIS: Is this a doorway? Is there a door?

MATT: This is a door that goes between the-- technically, it's not on the ship.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: But as a bonus action, you can then use it.

MATT: On subsequent turns. Yes.

LAURA: Oh, on subsequent turns.

TRAVIS: Let's roll with the Wildmother. I bamf out of the ship.

MATT: Just out this way?

TRAVIS: Outside.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

MATT: How far do you go?

TRAVIS: Into the water 60 feet.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Let's make it 40. I'll just make it 40, so I can stay within range.

MATT: So you are in the ocean as you appear and just go into a full dive into the ocean. Come up, breaking the surface. All right. You can move if you want to swim.

MARISHA: There's blood. Swimming in blood. Yeah.

MATT: Yeah, you are--You have a very heavy open wound now filled with seawater. It stings-- a lot.

TRAVIS: And I'll just--

LAURA: Salt is good for it.

TRAVIS: --weakly shout out, "Man overboard!" but it's fucking thundering and lightning outside.

MATT: It is. (rolls) Huh! Rushing up to the side, you see Orly glance over and go, "Cap'n!" and he starts looking for a rope and getting ready and starts shouting orders as other individuals start rushing up. Marius goes over and starts helping to get the rope up there.

LAURA: Look at his little figure!

SAM: Hello! I am Marius! Hello.

MATT: Passive perception. You do see on the outside of the boat climbing up beyond the view of them, a handful of other creatures that are nearing the top.

SAM: What the fuck are those things?

LAURA: Oh, fuck, oh, fuck. They're Uk'otoa people!

MATT: They all look humanoid but they have fish-like fins on their forearms and across the head. Some of them look kind of wrong, where like one arm is a weird tentacle and it's like climbing up the side and they're all almost to the top of the deck. You guys are all still sleeping.

ASHLEY: Do we hear anything?

MATT: I will say--

SAM: Is the ship moving?

MATT: Oh yeah, the ship is rocking and--

SAM: But like is Fjord drifting away, or--?

MATT: He will be. I mean, it's not like a speedboat or anything.

TRAVIS: I can pop back in--

MATT: In six seconds he can teleport back. He's not too worried. All right, so it's the top of the round. I'm going to go ahead and roll initiative for them now.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

LAURA: We need to wake up.

ASHLEY: They need to stomp on the deck. Wake us up.

MATT: They did not roll well.

TRAVIS: What the fuck is that?

MATT: Alrighty.

SAM: Who is that?

MATT: So, top of the round. This entity breaks through the window and glances off to the side looking at you, down in the ocean. You see it curl around the corner after the glass sprays out the back of it.

LAURA: The poor Ball-Eater!

MATT: It's going to go ahead and cast Eldritch Blast at you.

SAM: Ooh!

LAURA: This motherfucker.

SAM: (slow drawl) Eldritch blast.

MATT: That is hilariously-- it's a 10. That's your AC, right?

TRAVIS: It is.

MATT: It hits you.

MARISHA: Oh, jeez.

TRAVIS: It's not like I was going to get dressed.

MATT: That's a nine. And that is a 20. So you get hit twice.

TRAVIS: Wow.

LAURA: Oh no. Oh no! Don't die out in the water!

MATT: So you take 17 points of force damage, as the creature comes out and goes (casts spell) and throws these three blasts. One hits you in the shoulder. The other you dive below and it misses you and you stand there for a second and feel one that actually goes through the ocean below and strikes you in the side of the hip and the leg. Now it's your turn, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Now it's my turn. I will shout out, "Intruders!" and I will use my bonus action to 60 feet onto the main deck, past Orly if I can.

MATT: Up here?

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: All right. There you are.

TRAVIS: Boy, boy, boy. I can't-- none of them are peeking over the side of the railing yet, right? They're just climbing up the side.

MATT: Correct. They're maybe about five to 10 feet from the edge.

TRAVIS: I'll use my action to scream as loud as I can, "Everybody wake the fuck up!"

MATT: There is a bell that hangs there for--

TRAVIS: That works. (rings)

MATT: All right, so you have to use your movement over here and grab the bell and start clanging it. Everyone in the upper floor here, you all begin to hear the bell and so you all start coming to consciousness.

LAURA: (yawning) What's that mean? Is it dinner time?

MATT: Nobody's in the bottom floor so you guys are good. So everybody else, you begin to come to consciousness. So we'll have you roll initiative at the end of this round.

TRAVIS: Oh, my god.

MATT: All righty. The bell starts happening. Some of the other crew members start waking up as well. Gets up. Gets up. Marius is up there. This is a proxy for Shelda, and then that there is representing as Gallan. So. After Fjord finishes your turn, these creatures all-- (fwoosh)

SAM: Oh, no.

MATT: Reach the top.

SAM: Orly!

MATT: Leap over the edge.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Oh god!

LIAM: Slippery.

MATT: Yup. Leap over the edge there and leap over the edge here. This one here, you can see is covered in these large quills on its back. These weird spines that all of a sudden with a flex protrude even further, and it flexes its chest as one bends and fires out towards Marius.

SAM: Oh, cool.

TRAVIS: Wow.

MATT: Oh yeah. That hits.

TRAVIS: Wow.

MATT: Marius takes nine points of poison damage and has to make a constitution saving throw. Fails. Marius is poisoned.

SAM: Oh, no.

MATT: All right. The one over there is going to attempt to fire a quill. It still has to be close to you. It's gonna-- after the rest of its movement it just barely manages to get up close enough to you, Fjord, to catch up to you, and then does the same thing, releases a quill from its chest towards you. That's cocked. Ooh, that's a critical again, it's a natural 20.

TRAVIS: Damn.

MATT: Oh, but you're a lucky son of a bitch. Rolled a two, so that's four points of poison damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: And I need you you to make a constitution saving throw for me.

TRAVIS: Okay. 18.

MATT: 18. You're fine.

SAM: Yeah!

TRAVIS: What's that do? Uh oh.

MATT: So as things are getting more and more intense, so does the music.

LAURA: Gulp!

TRAVIS: This is fucking dope!

MARISHA: I know!

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: (chanting) Ship fight, ship fight, ship fight!

MATT: Crawling through the gun holes where the cannons are, you see, Nott, as you're in the hammock and you hear the bells and you look over the edge, you can see the wooden slats that usually close them are now open, as these weird creatures are slithering through and then landing onto the gun deck.

MARISHA: I just battened down those hatches.

SAM: Whoever battened down these hatches did a shitty job of it.

MARISHA: Fucking Marius. Goddammit.

SAM: Is that a different one or just a different--?

MATT: That's a different one.

MARISHA: He looks real fancy.

LAURA: Oh, I don't like him at all.

SAM: These are creepy crawlies.

MATT: One on that side. And there's another here.

SAM: Oh, boy, guys, I'm surrounded.

MATT: These ones here, the ones that are standing like this, all have one tentacle arm. The smaller ones have the quills. This one here has the grayish blue skin, has this long tattered robe similar to the one you had, but not as well dressed and as intense-looking, but it does have, where its mouth is it has this weird open double split on each side that kind of like (growls).

ALL: (shrieks)

TRAVIS: (groans) Oh, the flexing!

(tongue wagging)

MATT: So they just get in there.

TRAVIS: Terrible.

MATT: The crew's going to take their turn now. So Orly is going to go ahead and... Orly's going to go ahead and cast... Let's see if these count as humanoid-- yeah, it does. Orly's going to go ahead and cast Charm Person on the two that are visible right there at second level. Uses a second level slot. Saving throw for each of those. That one fails.

TRAVIS: Nice.

MATT: That one does succeed, the one by you, but the one that's in front of Orly is now currently treating you-- Orly, at least, as an ally, and has gone from an aggressive stance to a (neutral). And it's standing there looking around and a bit confused by the current scenario. With that, Orly's going to go ahead and dart back a bit and try and back up to the side of the ship to take a gauge of what's happening, while drawing a short sword from the side. With that, Marius is going to go ahead and attempt to make two attacks with the long sword against the guy. That hits. Indeed. Second attack misses with a three. Aw, buddy. Does five damage to the guy in front of him. He is poisoned, so he has disadvantage on the attack. So actually, the first one misses, second one does hit still, so it's fine. So it all worked out well in the end. That finishes the round. Everybody else roll initiative now, please.

TRAVIS: Help! Help!

TALIESIN: For fuck's sake.

MATT: All right, so 25 to 20.

MARISHA: Um, hang on.

TALIESIN: Gross.

MARISHA: What's my initiative? 25 to 20? I'm going to roll a d8 for this one, use my boots. Not that great. No, okay.

MATT: Nobody?

MARISHA: No.

MATT: Okay. 20 to 15.

MARISHA: 18.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: 19? All right.

SAM: What to do...

MATT: And Beau, you said 18?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. Anybody else? 15 to 10.

LIAM: 10.

ASHLEY: 13.

TRAVIS: Tonight is your first fight as a halfling, right?

SAM: Yeah. I don't have any area of effect attacks.

LAURA: What'd you roll, Fjord?

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: What was your initiative?

MATT: 15 to 10?

LIAM: 10.

MATT: 10 for Caleb.

MARISHA: You were 15?

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: All right, 10 to 5.

TALIESIN and SAM: Eight.

MATT: Eight for Cad and Veth. You got it. All right. Jester. You are up first. You hear the bell going off. You hear some movement upstairs. The ship's rocking and you're just kind of "What is going on?"

LAURA: I sit up.

MATT: Uses half your movement getting up out of bed.

LAURA: I see this weird thing in front of me, and--

MATT: Well, this is-- I'm sorry. To let you know, these are rooms. So you guys are in rooms.

LAURA: Oh, I thought we were all just like out in the open.

MATT: No, sorry. You guys are in different rooms here separately.

LIAM: Oh, those little white walls.

MATT: And these are little doors here. The little white elements there are the walls. So right now, you don't know what's going on. All you hear is the bell ringing.

LAURA: Okay, so I'll get up and I walk out the door.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: What's going on here? Aaaah!

MATT: You get to the hallway, and immediately you see the edge of something weird here. And then a lot of these, from eye line, you can really only see these two, maybe. Actually you would probably get about there before you'd see them. So one, two, three-- you'd get about there, I'd say. And now you can-- you see Nott there in the middle of the room, looking over and reacting to all these creatures that have filtered in from the gun deck openings. What are you doing?

LAURA: Oh, god. Oh God. Okay. Well, the thing I was gonna do just is a little bit much. I'm gonna do it.

MATT: What are you doing?

LAURA: I'm going to do Blade Barrier. And I'm going to cast it-- it's a hundred foot straight wall, but I'm guessing I get to choose like where I want it to be, right?

MATT: "A vertical wall of whirling, razor-sharp blades..."

LAURA: 20 feet high.

SAM: Whoa.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MATT: "Make a straight wall up to 100 feet long, 20 feet high, and 5 feet thick, or a ringed wall up to 60 feet in diameter."

SAM: Ringed wall.

LAURA: Well, but I would ring you and then you wouldn't be able to get out.

SAM: Oh, I'll be fine.

MATT: All right, so what are you doing?

LAURA: I'm going to-- are these the only ways to get upstairs?

MATT: Correct, yeah.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to cast a barrier from starting at this guy and I'm just going to bring it out like that and end it across here, to where we still have access on the side. Those ones would be not in it, but...

MATT: Okay. So we will say--

SAM: Like, is he in the middle of the wall? The guy in front of you?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: For purposes of marking this, the wall is about here, is where it goes.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. So. As you summon it--

LAURA: That's a bad placement for it. I already did it.

MATT: This five foot wall thick of blades whirling and spinning, starts thrashing through, rending all the creatures in this space as well as all the cannons.

LAURA: I didn't know-- I thought it was just creatures! "When a creature enters the wall." It didn't say anything about cannons.

MATT: Well, Fireball doesn't say anything about blowing up trees necessarily, but if you threw Fireball on a tree...

LAURA: (unhappy noise)

MATT: It's fine. The cannons are made of metal. They're going to be fine. The wheels are going to be probably destroyed. They're gonna be a little harder to move and aim.

SAM: My cannons!

ASHLEY: It's fixable.

MATT: That's okay, though.

TRAVIS: "My cannons!"

MATT: But, the wall is up. That's your action.

LAURA: Did I get-- I got that guy in it too? Right?

MATT: Correct. Yeah, they're all in that space there.

TRAVIS: That's a great marker for that, too.

ASHLEY: Yeah, that's cool.

LAURA: What a fucking dumbass spell I just did. Whatever.

ASHLEY: No, you didn't. It was very cool.

MATT: You're all good.

TRAVIS: You're learning. You're learning.

SAM: You did great.

MATT: Alrighty, is that your turn?

LAURA: I'm going to-- Do I have-- I don't have any more movement. Is that all my movement?

MATT: That's all your movement.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: All right. Beauregard, you're up.

MARISHA: Captain! I wake up and...

MATT: Half your movement to get up.

MARISHA: I come out.

MATT: You come out in the hallway, or you can get just in front of Jester if you want to. And you just see this large wall of blades and creatures starting to swarm.

MARISHA: I just kind of crash into Jester, and I'm like, "What's happening?"

LAURA: I don't know! I'm attacking things!

MARISHA: What?! I'm gonna run upstairs.

TRAVIS: (laughing) "I'm attacking things."

MARISHA: Step of the Wind. I'm gonna try and squeeze past Jester and bolt upstairs with another 50 feet of movement.

MATT: Okay. So that's...

SAM: Oh, that's where the stairs are.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: 40... you said 50 feet?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: That'll get you just out to here, I'll say.

MARISHA: Captain--

MATT: You do suffer two-- three attacks of opportunity as you rush through.

MARISHA: That's okay.

MATT: Step of the Wind--?

MARISHA: Step of the Wind, no, I think that-- Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

MATT: Just making sure there's nothing weird there about that.

MARISHA: Right.

MATT: Monks are weird.

MARISHA: I can either disengage or dash.

MATT: Okay, disengage or dash. Yeah, so you dashed, so--

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm dashing.

MATT: All right, so with that in mind, go ahead and suffer from--

MARISHA: Hit me.

TALIESIN: ♪ With your best shot. ♪

MATT: It's going to strike at you with its-- it has a blade in one hand. That is a 22 to hit.

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: All right. You suffer six points of slashing damage.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: Plus four points of necrotic.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: From this rusty looking blade. Two others there are going to strike at you, one with the tentacle, and one with an unarmed strike. Unarmed strike-- oof. No, that misses. The one with the tentacle... that's going to be a 16, which misses. So you just dart by and head up there. So that's your movement and your bonus action.

MARISHA: Yes. Am I able-- can I survey the scene? I used my movement and my bonus action, so...

MATT: I'd say you can't see up here cause you just got out here and that's above you and it's blocking your vision. So you don't see where Fjord is. You don't see the creature with it. Up here, you can see this creature. You can see Marius currently dealing with this, you can see Orly, who's just backing away and glances over to notice you with his one eye.

MARISHA: I'll use the rest of my movement again to get in between Orly and come and help fucking Marius.

MATT: You got it. So you dart up and join in with that creature right there and hold it in place. You got it. All right. Finishing Beau's turn, it is now this guy's turn. He climbs up the side of the ship Before landing on top and just (thuds). (grunts). Comes over onto the rain-slicked surface, the top of the upper deck there, and is going to go ahead and-- he's going to use his action to cast Armor of Agathys.

TRAVIS: Wow.

MATT: You now watch as---

MARISHA: What if it's nega-Fjord?

TRAVIS: That would be crazy.

MATT: You watch as the rain-- the rain water that spattering across it suddenly like (freezes) and all the rainwater starts gathering as chunks of ice until eventually it creates these spines, these jagged quills of frozen water. And with every raindrop that hits, it only adds more and more to it.

TRAVIS: That's a dope visual, but okay.

MATT: And it's gonna use the rest of his movement to just move right there.

TRAVIS: So Jester, Beau-- Was there somebody before Jester?

SAM: Not me.

MATT: Now it's Fjord's turn. And then it's Yasha, you're on deck.

TRAVIS: I will take one step away from-- no, he's in melee with me, isn't he?

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: I will use my bonus action to try something crazy. I'm going to try and Far Step--

MATT: Oh, just as a note too, before I forget, make a constitution saving throw for me.

TRAVIS: Oh, right.

MATT: Because--

TRAVIS: The guy with the spine?

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: 13.

MATT: 13's fine. It was a DC of ten. It didn't do a lot of damage to you, so.

TRAVIS: I'm going to try and use my bonus action to use Far Step to go 60 feet up onto this mast, onto this buckle, and hold onto the main mast.

MATT: You got it.

TALIESIN: Not even going for the crow's nest.

TRAVIS: I don't think I can get there in 60 feet. Is this--this is more than 60 feet from there, right?

MATT: I'd say it's upwards of like 70 feet or a little higher.

TRAVIS: I'll just go halfway.

LAURA: Ooh, cool.

MATT: That'll put you right about there, we'll say.

TRAVIS: And if I'm holding on with one arm, I will send three Eldritch Blasts down at that guy.

MATT: The one that was just next to you?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: That's a cool spell.

LIAM: How high is it in here, DM?

MATT: In there in the deck, I'd say it's about maybe...

TRAVIS: 19 to hit?

MATT: Seven feet?

LIAM: Seven. Okay.

MATT: Yeah, it's not--

LIAM: It's tight.

MATT: It's very--

MARISHA: Historically they were like five feet.

MATT: Hm?

MARISHA: Historically they were like five feet.

MATT: This is a fantasy world.

LAURA: I have a question, then.

TRAVIS: 19, 19 to hit this guy?

MATT: I'm not being a dick about your blades. It's fine.

LAURA: No, no, no. I have an actual question about it then.

SAM: Historically, there were no fish people.

MATT: That's true. What was that?

TRAVIS: 19?

MATT: 19 hits.

TRAVIS: Okay, that's 11 points of force damage on the first one. That's 15 to hit.

MATT: 15 does hit.

TRAVIS: 15 hits? Okay, that's good. That's 14 points of force damage.

MATT: Nice.

TRAVIS: And the third one is a natural 20.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Dope action. That is 14 doubled, which is 28 and an extra damage attack.

MARISHA: Well, you double the dice, not the bonus.

TRAVIS: Oh!

MATT: So it was--

TRAVIS: But don't I have Savage something?

MATT: Savage Attacker means you can reroll it once if you want to, but--

TRAVIS: I thought I had something when I crit. It is... when you score a critical hit, you roll one of the dice an additional time and add it to the extra damage.

MATT: Oh, I'm sorry. That's--

TRAVIS: Savage attacks.

MATT: Correct. So what'd you roll for the first die?

TRAVIS: 28 was...so 14 doubled.

MATT: 14 is what you rolled originally?

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Right. Okay. Without adding the bonus.

TRAVIS: Right.

MATT: Gotcha. Okay. I misunderstood. Yeah.

TRAVIS: So do I double the 14 and then add the 13 or no, just double it.

MATT: You double it and then you add the additional die roll.

TRAVIS: So 28 plus 13, so 41.

MATT: Well, Savage Attacker-- what are you adding the 13 from?

TRAVIS: I rolled another-- oh, that's a d20. That's the wrong one.

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: So it'd be 28 plus four.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Thank you. I'm rolling the wrong damn dice.

MATT: No worries. That's enough. One round of just blasts. You end up just icing this creature and you see it now, its body leaking this clear, almost sea foam-like blood from the wounds that are left behind.

TRAVIS: That's my turn.

MATT: All right. Fjord's turn's over. Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay. So I'm going to wake up and walk out of this area.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: (like Yasha) Hello.

LAURA: (like Yasha) Ooh, there's lots of blades here.

MATT: 25, 30, 35.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: You can see there's now creatures surrounding Nott's right-- or, Veth.

SAM: Hi, Yasha.

ASHLEY: So these two are in a wall of fire?

LAURA: Blades.

MATT: Wall of blades.

TALIESIN: Wall of blades.

MATT: Whirring all around.

LAURA: It would be very loud because of the cannons.

MATT: There are sparks everywhere from it hitting the metal.

SAM: Sparks. Oh God.

MATT: Yeah. Yeah. Lot of gunpowder in this room.

SAM: Oh god.

TRAVIS: Oh wow.

ASHLEY: Okay. So I'm going to walk over to this guy, right over there to the right. I see that he's not supposed to be there. Hi, Veth.

SAM: Hi, good morning.

ASHLEY: Take a swing.

MATT: Go for it.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: You want to rage before you do that?

ASHLEY: Oh yes, of course! Absolutely. I'm raging, I'm raging!

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: 23 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

ASHLEY: So that's-- ooh, I'm going to do that again. Okay. So seven, that's a little better.

SAM: Caleb wants to do Fireball in the middle of the room.

LIAM: That'll take care of all of them.

ASHLEY: 18 for the first hit.

MATT: 18 points of damage. You got it.

ASHLEY: Attack again. Yup. 26.

MATT: 26 hits.

SAM: How're you doing up there? Are you dying? Are you okay?

TALIESIN: He's having a bad day.

TRAVIS: I'm okay. I'm leaking. But I'm okay.

SAM: Are you near the-- where are you?

ASHLEY: 20 points of damage total.

MATT: 20 points of damage total. All righty. Nice. The second hit? That was on the second hit, the 20 points? Or is it 20 total?

ASHLEY: 20. That was the second hit.

MATT: Nice. Okay. Alright. So as you like rush up and hack once and a second time into this creature, it looks pretty hurt. You carve into its body and you see how there's the opening inside and where its organs are, they're almost like translucent, like whatever coloration it would be if you're used to seeing internal organs. Everything in there is kind of like weirdly sea foam and see-through and clear. It's awful. But it's still standing.

ASHLEY: Okay. And then as a-- who all is within 60 feet? I mean, does that count upwards as well?

MATT: Yep.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: If they can see you.

ASHLEY: Oh, if they can see me.

TALIESIN: Only two....

ASHLEY: I'm going to wait on that, then.

MATT: Okay. That finishes your turn. Alright. Now, it is the sea spawn's turn. The three of them--

TRAVIS and MARISHA: See spawn?

MATT: These two there. So the blade wall, what is the damage on that one?

LAURA: It is 6d10.

MATT: Roll that damage. Roll that damage.

LAURA: I did, so I wouldn't have to do it. I rolled 32.

MATT: 32. All right. That's a failed dex save on her. And natural one on the other. So what was that?

LAURA: 32 points.

MATT: 36 points of--

LAURA: 32 points.

MATT: 32, sorry, 32. Ooh, that's-- they're hurting. Immediately as their turn starts. It's like (slashing blades). Yup, this one's going to rush out here to get in with Nott. This one's going to go ahead and rush over here. Actually it's gonna stay here, against Nott. The other one will stay with Yasha there. All right, so the two against Nott are going to strike. They have... oof, three attacks. All right, so two unarmed strikes, and one with the tentacle. So since you are prone, they have advantage--

SAM: Sure.

MATT: --and you're being flanked there, so the first one is going to be a 20 to hit?

SAM: Hits.

MATT: Second one is going to be 15?

SAM: Hi-- no, miss.

MATT: All right. And the last one is going to be a 22.

SAM: Hit!

MATT: All right. So you take seven points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: Uh huh.

MATT: And then from the tentacle you take nine points of bludgeoning damage and you are grappled--

SAM and LAURA: Ooh.

MATT: --as the tentacle wraps around you and holds you in place. The other one now is going to take its turn, and it's going to be a 25 to hit?

SAM: Hit!

MATT: 14 to hit.

SAM: Miss.

MATT: And, ooh, 26 to hit.

SAM: Hit!

MATT: So as this one bludgeons you with its unarmed strike, you take four points of bludgeoning damage, but its other tentacle hits you for 15 points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: I will reduce that one.

MATT: Okay. So you take seven instead.

SAM: Uncanny Dodge.

MATT: You got it.

TALIESIN: Roly poly.

SAM: But I'm grappled,

MATT: This one here that is charmed by Orly is just going to go ahead and walk over into the space in the middle here and look around, waiting. It's not aggressive. The one that's next to Marius is going to go ahead and turn towards you, Beauregard, since you just rushed up and it's going to turn and it's going to attempt to fire another poison quill at you as well as two unarmed strikes. Because it can do that all together now that it's on top. So the unarmed strikes are going to be... oof. A 12?

MARISHA: Miss.

MATT: And a 22?

MARISHA: Hit.

MATT: All righty. So you do take four points of bludgeoning damage.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: The poisoned quill strike. Oh shit. That's going to be a 22 to hit.

MARISHA: Hit.

MATT: You take six points of poison damage, but you're immune to poison and you-- don't have to make a saving throw because you're immune to poison.

TRAVIS: Oh wow.

MATT: But it doesn't know that.

MARISHA: I just fake it a little. Ahhh, owww, oooh! I'm nauseous!

MATT: And the one that's coming for you, Yasha, it gets its three attacks on you. That's going to be a 21 to hit?

ASHLEY: Yep.

MATT: 15 to hit?

ASHLEY: No.

LIAM: This asshole right here?

MATT: And 17 to hit?

ASHLEY: Yes. Just hits.

MATT: Okay. Gotcha.

TRAVIS: Yeah, who's that guy?

MATT: So the first hit deals-- Oh my God, four points of bludgeoning damage.

ASHLEY: Is that halved?

MATT: Yes, to two. And then its tentacle strike is going to be 13 points of bludgeoning damage reduced to six and you are grappled.

TRAVIS: What do Yasha's wings look like?

ASHLEY: I don't think they're--

MATT: They're not out yet. That was just in a dream.

SAM: I was imagining like toucan colors.

ASHLEY: I didn't know that was a possibility. Whatever.

MATT: But it's an action to use that.

MARISHA: Macaw wings?

MATT: All right, so finishing their element now, it is now Caleb's go with another creature on deck. So yeah, go ahead.

LIAM: Okay. So I storm awake, grab my satchel and just bust out the door cause I hear all the noise, and see-- I can see Jester and this fish man near her--?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: --if I'm in the hallway?

MATT: You step out into the hallway-- I would say you can just barely see him.

LIAM: Yeah. Okay. So Caleb jams his hand into his pack, pulls out a cocoon, starts waving in the air and casts Polymorph at that guy.

MATT: At him?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: 17 wisdom.

LAURA: He's in the middle of a Blade Barrier too, just so you know.

LIAM: Okay. Would I see that?

MATT: No, you do not.

LAURA: He wouldn't?

MATT: He wouldn't, not from where he's standing. All right.

LIAM: What's a Blade Barrier? I don't even know what that is.

MATT: It's a wisdom save?

TRAVIS: Wall of swords.

LIAM: I don't see swords spinning around?

MATT: It rolled a 19.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: 16 plus three.

LIAM: But I wouldn't see swords flying around in the air?

MATT: From this angle, 'cause there's a wall and a corner there, you're probably hearing everything, but it's just beyond your view of the angles.

TALIESIN: Sounds like a giant battle.

MATT: There's a whole wall right here in the corner.

LIAM: Oh, I-- well, I assumed I saw him cause you have to see him to cast it.

MATT: You can see him, but he's just on the outside of the blade wall.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: So you can see him just past that corner, like barely. But so, he resists the spell. Are you going to stay put?

LIAM: I thought I used all my movement.

MATT: You used 15 to get up and then five to move out there. So you still have 15.

LIAM: I'll move ten feet forward.

MATT: Okay. Into the hall a little closer. Okay, got it. All right, now it is this guy's turn and this guy's turn. LAURA: So, here's my question. This is why I was wondering.

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Because it's 20 feet high.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Does that mean that it would be-- if the ceilings are only seven feet high, would it be sticking out another 13 feet up above or 12 feet above the upper deck?

MATT: If you want to, you can keep it segmented or you can let it go through, in which case, it will destroy the deck above it and carve through.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Because the blades will have to cut through the floor to continue.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: But if you want to just keep it to that deck, I'll let you do that because you are in control of the spell.

LAURA: Okay. I'll do that.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: She'll destroy the ship.

LAURA: I'm going to destroy the ship.

TALIESIN: Burn it all!

MATT: First, that guy. Go ahead and roll damage for him. Let's see if he can make his dexterity save to escape. No, he rolls terrible.

LIAM: That's what I get for urinating.

LAURA: 14, 24. 29.

MATT: 29, oof. 29 points of damage to him. All righty. He's going to step out of the blade element there in the middle and as he steps right in front of you, Jester, the little jibbering open jaw (tongue fluttering) inhales and it--

LAURA: I don't like it.

MATT: This screech, this piercing cry just echoes throughout, through the upper deck. Everyone within 300 feet that can hear him, which is everyone-

LAURA: Whoa!

TRAVIS: Oh.

LAURA: 300 feet?

MATT: I need to go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw.

ASHLEY: Oh boy.

SAM: Oh, boysie.

MARISHA: Oh, not too cool.

TALIESIN: Yay!

ASHLEY: Ooh.

MATT: Fjord.

MARISHA: Not cool.

TRAVIS: That's good. 19.

MATT: 19. You're okay.

MARISHA: Five.

MATT: Beauregard, you are stunned.

MARISHA: Stunned?

MATT: Yeah. Caleb?

LIAM: 16.

MATT: Caleb, you're fine.

SAM: 20.

MATT: You're fine, Veth.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: You're fine. Wow, good roll.

TALIESIN: 25.

MATT: Fuck, guys.

ASHLEY: Natural one.

MATT: Yasha is stunned.

LIAM: Two heavy hitters. Two brawlers are stunned.

MATT: For the rest of the crew...

MARISHA: I rolled a two.

MATT: Stunned. Marius.

LIAM: Bloodbath.

MATT: Stunned and poisoned.

LAURA: Oh, Marius.

MATT: Rest of the crew there. Stunned. And--

TRAVIS: Oh no!

MATT: Stunned.

SAM: Well.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Cool, cool, cool.

MATT: That's his turn. The other one that just came up on deck up there, it's going to go ahead and move into Orly.

LAURA: There's two of them! I should have just sent it through the roof. I should have just sent it through the roof.

TALIESIN: We'd be sinking.

MATT: You had the option. It's okay. It's going to go ahead and make all his attacks on Orly. Orly is currently... is stunned. So it has advantage on the attacks. So the first one is going to be... Oh, that's really shitty. That's a miss.

LAURA: In his defense, it's really dark outside.

MATT: Okay. Hits with claw and then hits with sword. Okay. Orly takes--

LIAM: Matt, this is a very cool encounter.

LAURA: Yes, it is. It's very terrifying. It's a lot more than I expected it to be.

MATT: Twelve points of damage and six points of damage. So Orly is just like, Orly's going, (pained sound) and holding his head, at which point this creature emerges over the top of the deck. Pulls a blade out that also looks very familiar, covered in barnacles and having a somewhat falchion-like shape to it.

SAM: Wait, two people have that blade?

MATT: And goes in, claws and then bites into--

MARISHA: Members only jackets?

LAURA: How many people did Uk'otoa...

SAM and TALIESIN: (whispering) Uk'otoa.

MATT: And that's their turn. That brings us to Caduceus and Veth.

TALIESIN: I'll go first.

SAM: Feel free.

MATT: If you want to. Veth has the higher dexterity, but you can choose to relinquish to Caduceus if you'd like.

SAM: It won't matter much. I could go first, just so I can get out of the way of whatever you're doing.

TALIESIN: Nothing super exciting, but we'll see.

SAM: Me neither. I will reach out to the one who is grappling me and be like, "Get off me, sir!" And I will cast Shocking Grasp.

MATT: Shocking Grasp, on which one?

SAM: On that one there, yeah.

MATT: Okay. Go for it.

SAM: 20 to hit.

MATT: 20 to hit. That definitely hits.

SAM: 3d8. What's a d8 look like? This one. Ooh, seven... 14 points o' damage.

MATT: Yeah, that does it, Between the blade damage that it had taken, it was already like shredded all over. And then as it came forward and wrapped you in the tentacle, you reached out and grabbed it and as that pulse of electrical energy tore through its body, you watched it (pained sound) and suddenly its eyes smoke and then it falls to the ground destroyed.

SAM: So I'm no longer grappled?

MATT: They were both grappling you.

SAM: They both grappled me.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Goddammit.

MATT: They both wrapped you in tentacles.

SAM: But then I can't do anything else, right? Because I can't move.

MATT: You can't move. You got your bonus action.

SAM: Bonus action... I don't really have any bonus actions.

MATT: All right.

SAM: So I will bonus action cast Mage Hand.

MATT: All right, there you go.

SAM: Great.

MATT: There's your mage hand. Where do you want it to be?

SAM: Right in front of the guy's face.

MATT: All right. ♪ Waving in his face, ♪ waving in his face. ♪

TALIESIN: "Hi."

MATT: Caduceus, you're up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to get up. Leave the room. Oh, wow. Okay. Excuse me. I'm going to just kind of gently push by Caleb, getting in front of Caleb as far as I can go.

MATT: That's about as far as you get there.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: Oh, I'm sorry. 15-- five, 10. Yeah, that is. That's as far as you can get right there.

TALIESIN: Give you a little cover, and I suppose I'm just going to, "Get off our ship!" Spirit Guardians. At fourth level.

TRAVIS: and LAURA: Nice.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: Whoa. Look at that thing!

TALIESIN: That's 15 feet in every direction.

SAM: I want to see Matt put that on his head and wear it like a crown.

LAURA: Oh, it would be a really pretty crown.

MATT: You got it.

SAM: You got it? You'll put it on your head? And wear it like--?

MATT: No.

SAM: Oh.

LIAM: You should see Matt in a-- oh, wow. (Matt puts a ring on his head like a crown)

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

SAM: Yay!

TRAVIS: Oh, Melora approves! Melora approves! (applause)

TALIESIN: So--

MATT: New fun toys.

TALIESIN: So yeah, anybody within it is half speed.

MATT: Right, half speed, and at the top of their turn they take damage.

TALIESIN: Or if they try and enter it, they take damage.

MATT: You've got it. Both of you are also concentrating on spells.

TALIESIN: Makes a wisdom saving throw.

MATT: You got it. All right, so that's your action, and your movement. Anything else? You good?

TALIESIN: I'm just double checking... and I don't have any bonus actions. No, not yet. I'm good.

MATT: Okay. All right. The crew goes. Stunned, stunned, stunned, stunned until the end of the creature's next turn. So they're all just stunned. Top of the round. Jester. You're up.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: There's just multicolored beetles everywhere.

LAURA: Right? They're just beautiful.

TALIESIN: Yeah, there's some new fancy ones.

LAURA: For my bonus action, I'm going to cast Spiritual Weapon.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: At fourth level.

MATT: At fourth level.

LAURA: Right behind the squiddy guy. Yeah.

MATT: Right there?

LAURA: Okay. So that's a 19 to hit.

MATT: 19 does hit.

LAURA: Okay. 11 points of the damage.

MATT: You got it.

SAM: "Of the damage"?

MATT: So it appears and hits it from behind.

LAURA: At the same time, I'm gonna-- I'm just assuming. Does he look undead at all or does he look just like--?

MATT: Looks very deep sea alien. It doesn't look undead. It looks like something you've never seen before with a sea-esque motif.

LAURA: Then at the same time, I'm going to reach my hand forward and cast Toll the Dead.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Ring that fucking bell.

LAURA: Giant bell over top of his head.

MATT: (Pooom!) Was that a dex save? Constitution?

LAURA: That is a wisdom save.

MATT: Wisdom save. Natural 20.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: Still take half, or nothing?

LAURA: No, I don't-- it doesn't do anything.

MATT: No, not for the cantrip.

LAURA: No, I don't think I can do anything.

MATT: Okay, does that finish your turn, Jester?

LAURA: Apparently.

MATT: All right. Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: Stunned.

MATT: Yeah. That's your turn.

LAURA: I can't run by him? No?

MATT: Not past him. There's not enough room. No.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: You're right there. Alright, so you're stunned. This guy over here.

TALIESIN: Fuck pants.

MATT: He's going to step over here.

TALIESIN: I don't like any of this.

SAM: Who are these fuckers? So where are the ones with the falchions?

TRAVIS: One, two.

SAM: And which one--

TRAVIS: I don't know what that dude down at the bottom with the spider legs has on him.

SAM: And which one was the one who first attacked you? That guy up there.

TRAVIS: This motherfucker right here. He's got Armor of Agathys up.

SAM: How many fucking people have falchions in this world?

TRAVIS: I don't know. I thought it was a pretty unique sword.

SAM: There was a sale on falchions.

MATT: It's going to go ahead and step off to the side here and do three Eldritch Blasts against you, Fjord.

TRAVIS: It's not even weighted that well. Okay.

LAURA: Shit. I should've--

MATT: That is a 16.

TRAVIS: Hits.

MATT: Natural 20.

TRAVIS: That's three natural 20s in a row.

SAM: Don't worry, Caduceus can cancel it.

MATT: Yeah. And an 11.

TALIESIN: No, I can't.

SAM: God damn you!

TALIESIN: I'm not up there.

MATT: All right. All three hit. You take four points of force damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: 16 points of force damage from the crit, and nine points of force damage from all three.

TALIESIN: 29 points of damage?

TRAVIS: Wow, you did that really fast. Wow. Wow, wow. Okay, cool.

SAM: Burial at sea.

LAURA: Fjord, if you go down while you're hanging from something, you'll take damage.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: And then it's going to use the rest of its movement.

MARISHA: Go back, piece of shit.

MATT: There.

MARISHA: Ugh.

MATT: It's going to hold back in that space.

TRAVIS: Do you have a distance ruler back there? Like a little plastic flimsy thing?

MATT: That's it right there, actually. I'm using it for that.

TRAVIS: Okay.

SAM: Where are you, Marish?

MATT: I can trade it off for something if you want to use it.

TRAVIS: I might want to use it, yeah.

MARISHA: I'm stunned by Marius.

TRAVIS: Oh, no, that's okay.

SAM: Shit, you're stunned?

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: A stunned monk is like a nothing.

MATT: All right, Fjord, you're up. Yasha, you're on deck.

TRAVIS: Okay. I'm going to try something. So the distance-- I'm trying to-- Yeah, I'm going to shimmy--

MATT: I need you to make three constitution saving throws, by the way.

LIAM: Holy shit.

TRAVIS: Oh, to maintain Far Step?

MATT: To maintain Far Step, yes.

TRAVIS: Okay. I have War Caster.

MATT: Correct. So the first one?

TRAVIS: What is it? Con?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Saving throw?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: 21.

MATT: You're fine. Second one? This one's going to be higher.

TRAVIS: Is a 23.

MATT: You're fine. Third one?

TRAVIS: And a 20.

MATT: You're fine. All right, Far Step maintains.

TALIESIN: War Caster for the win!

TRAVIS: It fucking helps.

MARISHA: War Caster is the best.

TRAVIS: I would like to shimmy around this side of the mast and I'm going to release and fall about five to 10 feet, and I am going to cast Hexblade's Curse at the gentleman that's wielding the falchion below me, just about five feet after I fall.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: That's awesome.

TRAVIS: And then I'm going to use--

MATT: The air just (whoosh) and curse him--

TRAVIS: And then I'm going to Far Step back up to the crow's nest.

(applause)

MATT: On top. That's rad.

MARISHA: That was so cool!

MATT: You watch as you fall and as you concentrate outward, your sword behind you like that, from the ground beneath, you watch as from the wood, green vines suddenly emerge from the long dead wood and wrap around the legs and then begin to dig up into its various limbs and hold it in place as the Hexblade's Curse now, through the Wildmother's vision, takes hold. And as you're about to land you (poof!) and then appear up on top and catch yourself, shirtless, bloody, holding the blade in one hand, and on top, the rain bearing down on you. (heavy breathing)

TRAVIS: How much movement would you say I have left?

MARISHA: He's all glisten-y in the moonlight.

MATT: You moved around the mast before falling. I'd say--and you were climbing. I'd say you have 15 more feet.

TRAVIS: Okay, great. I'm going to lean over the railing and I'm going to send two Eldritch Blasts down at the one that I just cursed.

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: That was awesome, Travis.

MARISHA: That was so cool!

LIAM: That is why we love this game.

TRAVIS: 16 on the first one.

MATT: 16?

TRAVIS: Does that miss?

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: It does hit. Okay, great.

LAURA: Are you sure it's not for the collision of sparks and beetles happening below deck?

TRAVIS: Eight points of force damage.

MATT: Eight points of force damage.

TRAVIS: And the second one is a 23 for-- dammit-- only eight points of force damage again. The third one I'm going to send at this motherfucker and say, "I know that spell," and that is a 20 to hit, and that is 15 points of force damage. Add an additional eight points, two fours, to this guy because of the Hexblade's Curse. There's a plus four to damage on that.

MATT: Oh, right, an additional eight, you said?

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: So I'll send the two and the one and then I'm going to use the rest of my movement to just lay down on the crow's nest. Fully prone.

MATT: You got it.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I have technically made a pillow fort up there. Just saying.

MATT: Okay, fair enough.

TALIESIN: You're got a little more cover.

TRAVIS: It's very comfortable.

MATT: Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Well, you're stunned.

ASHLEY: Okay!

MATT: I just realized. Sorry.

ASHLEY: That's okay.

MATT: Okay. So that's your turn. Now the stun-- no, the stuns don't wear off yet. It is now the sea spawns' turn.

MARISHA: Snea snawn.

ASHLEY and SAM: Snea Snawn.

MATT: The one that's up against you, Yasha, because you are stunned, it has advantage on its strikes against you. So for that one, it's going to be 19 to hit.

ASHLEY: That hits.

LAURA: Is she still raging in her stunnedness?

MATT: Mm-hmm..

LAURA: Okay, good.

MATT: 19 to hit. And double ones.

ALL: Yeah!

MATT: That's a rare sight. I feel like it pisses himself just because, at that point.

TRAVIS: It's a balance to the natural 20s.

MATT: So you take 10 points of bludgeoning damage reduced to five.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: And from the tentacle that's now squeezing you, within its grasp... Ooh. That is 12 points of bludgeoning damage reduced to six. All right.

TALIESIN: Beast.

MATT: This one here that's still grappling Nott is going to go ahead and attack you twice. You're still prone because you haven't had any movement to get up. So it has advantage on its attack against you. That is a 23.

SAM: Hit.

MATT: 25

SAM: Hit.

MATT: And a natural 20.

TALIESIN: Cancel!

TRAVIS: Grave cleric.

SAM: Uh, oh.

MATT: Do you have to see the person who's attacking or do you have to see the person who's being hit?

TALIESIN: That's a good question. Let me find out.

MATT: Because you can not see Nott right now.

TALIESIN: Let me see. Uh...

LIAM: There is no Nott, only Veth.

MATT: Getting used to it. My bad.

TALIESIN: "The creature." Fuck. So no. "The creature who suffers the hit."

MATT: Yeah. So you cannot see Veth. You cannot see that.

LAURA: No!

MATT: All right.

SAM: I will Uncanny Dodge that last one. Oh wait, can I? I'm grappled. I can't Uncanny Dodge.

MATT: Well, no, it's a reaction. You still have your reaction. You haven't Uncanny Dodged since last time, so yeah, so you can.

TALIESIN: I have no reaction, either.

MATT: No worries.

LIAM: You used your reaction?

TALIESIN: No, I didn't.

LIAM: Did not.

TALIESIN: There's nothing to fire at.

MATT: You, Veth, take nine points of bludgeoning damage from an unarmed strike. Eight points of bludgeoning damage from another unarmed strike, and then the tentacle... Ohh. 25 points of bludgeoning damage--

SAM: Uncanny dodge.

MATT: Reduced to half. So that brings you to 12.

TRAVIS: Where are you at?

SAM: I'm fine.

TRAVIS: Yup. Me too.

TALIESIN: Meh.

TRAVIS: ♪ On a cloudy day. ♪

MATT: This one here takes how much damage?

LAURA: Oh, did he just come up in?

MATT: He would have...

LAURA: Oh, I should roll.

TRAVIS: ♪ Come up, come up, come up here ♪

MATT: Actually, he would've left it last round. I forgot to pull him out of there, but I'll let it happen because I didn't pull him out. That's fine. That's my fault.

TALIESIN: Confused. A lot's happening there.

LAURA: (counting) 28. It gets lower every time. 28 points.

MATT: Okay, let's see if he makes his save. Yup. That's an 18. So it takes half. That's nine. So it's still up.

LAURA: 29 points of-- no, 28 points--

MATT: No, it takes 9-- sorry, you said 28, that's right. Reduce that.

LAURA: Divided by two.

MATT: Right, sorry. So that's--

TALIESIN and TRAVIS: 14.

MATT: 14. Not bad. Still up, though. Barely. It's going to go ahead and pull out of the blades. There's no way for it to get over there--

TALIESIN: I mean it can try. It can certainly try.

MATT: So it's going to go ahead and move past Nott to there and it's actually going to go-- it's looking at-- you're wrapped up and being crushed. You're the one who's currently stunned, Yasha, so it's gonna go after you.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: So it's going to go ahead and make two unarmed strikes and then one with its poisoned quills. Since you are stunned, it has advantage. That is a 17 to hit.

ASHLEY: Just hits.

MATT: Ooh, 22 to hit.

ASHLEY: Yup.

MATT: And 19 to hit.

ASHLEY: Yup.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Tank. Fucking tank.

MATT: You take seven points of bludgeoning damage reduced to three, four points of bludgeoning damage reduced to two, and eight points of poison damage that is not reduced. I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

ASHLEY: Okay. 18.

MATT: All right. You are not poisoned

ASHLEY: Okay. (exhales)

TALIESIN: Good con, good con.

MATT: Okay. That brings us to Caleb.

LIAM: I'm hoping to use my reaction to shout--

MATT: Actually, I forgot about this guy here has to go. My apologies.

LIAM: Bluest of balls. I would like to use my reaction to shout, "Caduceus, Jester, duck! Get down!"

MATT: All right. Oh, and there's the guy next to you, Yasha, hasn't attacked you yet, did he?

ASHLEY: No.

MATT: Right. So sorry.

ASHLEY: You just did-- it was-- Yeah.

MATT: Yeah, that guy. So, he's gonna go ahead and go after you. That is going to be a 20 to hit.

ASHLEY: Yup.

MATT: 18 to hit.

ASHLEY: Mm-hmm.

MATT: And a 16 to hit.

ASHLEY: No.

MATT: That misses. All righty. So you take six points bludgeoning damage reduced to three, and six points of bludgeoning damage reduced three.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Fucking raging. All right. The guy up here has a stunned Marius and a stunned Beauregard. Is going to split his attacks between the two of you.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: So it's gonna go ahead and attack you first, Beauregard, with advantage. That's going to be a 20 to hit.

MARISHA: Yep. Just hits.

MATT: Attacking Marius. 18. That hits, then back to you, Beauregard, with its quill. That is going to be a... 23 to hit. But you're immune to poison. So it doesn't do anything, but it's unaware of that. So you, Beauregard, you take--

MARISHA: Ouch, you did it again!

MATT: 11 points of bludgeoning damage. Marius takes five points of bludgeoning damage.

TALIESIN: Fuck my life.

MATT: Marius is starting to look kind of hurt. TALIESIN: We are not even out of the bottom of the ship yet.

MARISHA: We started--

MATT: All right. Finishing up with their turn. Now, it is your turn, Caleb.

LIAM: All right, so I just used a reaction to yell to Caduceus and Jester to duck. So it's up to them.

TALIESIN: I'll use my reaction to crouch, or at least pull against the wall to get out of the way if you're going to shoot something by me.

MATT: Unfortunately, it's not your turn yet, so no.

LIAM: Not as a reaction, they can't?

MATT: Part of the strategy here is you have to-- if they're going to move out of the way, they have to do that on their turn.

LIAM: Okay. They don't, so I will not do the spell I was going to do. I will cast Polymorph again. 17.

TRAVIS: Nice. Let's go.

MATT: Okay. It's the same guy there. That is going to be a...

TALIESIN: About to take-- nah--

MATT: 16.

SAM: Yay.

MATT: 17, right, is your DC?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: So yeah. No, that works. What are you Polymorphing him as?

LIAM: A mackerel.

MATT: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: What is a mackerel? A bird?

SAM: A fish.

LIAM: A big fat fish.

MATT: Big fat fish.

TRAVIS: Brain fart.

MATT: We'll say... we'll just use this light as the mackerel there.

LIAM: It's all right. It's not what I wanted to do.

MATT: So now, on the ground, we're talking like Faith No More "Epic" video, just like (flopping) on the ground.

TRAVIS: Good pull.

LIAM: And I'll use the rest of my turn to say, "Throw it out one of the port holes!"

SAM: Okay.

MATT: Okay. All right. That finishes Caleb's go. It's now their turn. So it's the deep-- whatever. You don't know their names yet.

TRAVIS: The snea snawn.

LAURA: I'm pretty sure they can [JENGA] before I get my turn again, so.

TRAVIS: The deep what?

MATT: Nothing.

LIAM: It's not what I wanted to do.

LAURA: I know.

SAM: What happens to the people in the Spirit Guardians?

MARISHA: Ugh! Another tentacle attack! Fuck!

TALIESIN: I get to choose who gets hurt by the Spirit Guardians. So if I don't want them to back off until-- if I see a shift, I think I can pull it back.

MATT: I'm going to double check on that.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's my question.

MARISHA: I'm not into this. I'm not into this.

TRAVIS: Just kill me, man!

MARISHA: Not my kink.

MATT: When you cast the spell, you can designate targets.

TALIESIN: So it's going to--

MATT: So it's going to take damage. Okay. So first he needs to save-- that's a two. It's a failure. So...

TALIESIN: 25, I think. I want to say 25 points of damage.

MATT: I'll say a mackerel has one hit point. It takes 24, immediately (changes back from fish).

LIAM: Yeah. Good stuff.

MATT: He's looking really hurt though.

LAURA: That's good.

MATT: He's taken a lot of rough hits.

TALIESIN: Just double checking that it's 24.

MARISHA: I don't know, we didn't really stick around for it. She had her neck snapped.

TALIESIN: 24, uh-- Yeah. Radiant damage.

MATT: Okay. Then that's him right there. Perfect. So now it's the deep scions' turn. This guy here, seeing you go up there, what can he do?

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, he spent his entire turn as a fish. Cool.

MATT: Well, here, does it--?

TALIESIN: Top of its turn, actually. No, shit.

MATT: Correct. So no, he still has his turn to go.

TALIESIN: Yup. Never mind.

MATT: Okay. In fact will take his turn now. He is going to go all in against Jester in front there, first with a bite.

LAURA: I'm going to use--

MATT: It's a 19 to hit.

LAURA: 19 is my armor class.

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: I'm going to use my reaction to cast Hellish Rebuke.

MATT: Go for it. So first you take from the bite attack eight points of piercing damage.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: I need you to make a constitution saving throw for me.

SAM: Holy mackerel.

LAURA: 10.

MATT: All right, you're fine. You maintain your Blade Barrier. So now you have your Hellish Rebuke.

LAURA: Hellish Rebuke.

MATT: Constitution save or dexterity save for that? Wisdom save?

TALIESIN: I just want to get us all out of the bottom of this fucking boat.

LAURA: That is dex save.

MATT: Dex save. That is a 17.

LAURA: He saves, but he still takes half damage.

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: So that's 3d10, 10, 14. So seven points of cold damage.

MATT: Seven points of cold damage. He's hurt real bad.

ALL: Aww!

SAM: Come on, Matt.

MATT: He's lucky he made that save. Second attack against you, Jester. This is going to be a claw attack. That's going to be a 13. Misses. You push away from your shield, and as you push with the shield, the ice digs into it. Takes its rusted-ass blade and back swings against you for 16 to hit.

LAURA: You miss again.

MATT: You just stop it with the shield and push him back in place.

TRAVIS: Oh man.

MATT: This guy up here, he's going to go all in on Orly cause he's right there.

ALL: (cries of protest)

LAURA: No, Orly!

LIAM: God, we're eating shit here!

MATT: That's 22 to hit.

TALIESIN: Boo.

MARISHA: Jeez.

MATT: 16 to hit, that hits. Yeah, all three hit. Orly takes eight points of...

LAURA: Orly's shell's really strong.

MATT: Piercing, it's a d6...

SAM: Maybe he'll just sort of like (pulls head in)

LAURA: Yeah, he would if he wasn't stunned. He can't do it.

SAM: Oh, he can't do it.

MATT: And then....

MARISHA: I think as tortles you can go into your-- uh huh-- and I think you get plus five to your AC when you do it. But I think-- yeah.

LAURA: Ooh, that's cool.

SAM: But you roll around--

MARISHA: But then you're fucked.

MATT: Orly is unconscious and bleeding out.

TALIESIN: Oh, shit.

LAURA: No.

TRAVIS: Orly's unconscious and bleeding out.

SAM: Oh, no!

LAURA: Orly! No!

SAM: You've got healing powers, don't you, Fjord?

TRAVIS: Not all the way up here.

MATT: That finishes those guys' turn. The stun wears off.

LAURA: Oh, god.

SAM: Maybe Marius is a healer. Hey, Yasha can move!

ASHLEY: Hey!

TALIESIN: For a little while.

MATT: This guy's still in bed, like, "What's going on?"

LAURA: The other guy, too. "Oh, man, what's all these beetles around here?"

MATT: "I keep hearing out-- What's going on out there?"

TALIESIN: (buzzes)

MATT: All righty. Thank you for the sound effect. All right. That finishes their go. Caduceus and Veth, you guys are up.

TALIESIN: I'm going to move.. First thing I'm going to do, actually, is I'm going to cast Sacred Flame on that jerk right in front of us. For my action.

MATT: Sacred flame?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: On that guy right there. Okay. Dexterity save. No, it's a fail.

TALIESIN: Okay, so that's 13, 18 points of radiant damage.

MATT: You watch as the radiant bursts in the chest and as he pulls back, the beetles just swarm into the wounds and they all start pouring out of the eyes and the ears eating him from the inside.

TALIESIN: I'm not in the mood.

LAURA: I'm just watching it like, (open-mouthed horror)

TALIESIN: I'm going to step, and I'm going to take my full movement forward.

LAURA: I'm in shock from seeing that.

MATT: 10, 15, 20. You can get in this space, I'll say, so you can get there.

TALIESIN: Can I not get right next to-- I will move--

MATT: I would say you can move--

TALIESIN: Into their combat zone. I'm okay moving into their combat zone.

MATT: All right. 20. That's the rest of your movement to climb over the cannon to get there.

TALIESIN: No problem. All right.

MATT: That'll move that to right...

LAURA: Very nice!

TALIESIN: I feel like I'm getting-- I feel like they're all within 15-- They're all in there.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Cool. Cool, cool, cool. Yeah.

SAM: You've moved into their combat zone--

TALIESIN: As a bonus action-- that was a cantrip, so I could still use a bonus action to cast a spell?

MATT: You can.

TALIESIN: As a bonus action-- where's my bonus action spell?

LAURA: You can do healing.

TALIESIN: I'm going to do, just to help a little bit, I'm going to do Healing Word, just at level two. We're just gonna do a little spruce up for Veth there.

TRAVIS: "Little spruce up"?

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: A come up.

TALIESIN: That kinda sucks, but that's okay. 10 points of healing.

SAM: That's great.

MATT: It doesn't hurt.

TALIESIN: So you're up 10.

MATT: All right. The finishes Caduceus's turn. Veth, you're up.

SAM: Caduceus moved into combat range of the one right in front of me, as in "is engaged with"?

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: Yep. Yep, yep, yep.

SAM: (cocks crossbow) Bye! I'll just shoot him in the face.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: Come on. Oh, fuck shit balls! Shit.

MATT: You have disadvantage on your attack roll.

SAM: Even worse. That is a 14 to hit.

MATT: 14 hits. (cheers) These guys don't have an amazing armor class.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: That's pretty great.

SAM: Okay. We got ten, we got 20, we got 24, we got 30 points of damage.

MATT: Nice! As its tentacles wrapped around and it's like (pained noise). And then you see like the sucking sound from the wound that's like the bolt is partially withdrawn from beneath the sternum. It's leaking this seawater-like liquid out of the wound.

SAM: Ooh, gross. Reload. Fire again.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Even worse. 13. Oh, and at disadvantage. 13 to hit.

MATT: 13 just hits. (cheers)

SAM: Look at that!

ASHLEY: There we go.

SAM: Another 12 points of damage.

MATT: 12 points of damage. He's looking hurt. (moans)

MARISHA: Dammit. This guy. What a dick.

MATT: Does that finish your turn?

SAM: Yeah, I got no movement. Goddammit! Thank you, Caduceus.

MATT: The crew's turn. Marius is going to go ahead and-- He turns and goes, "Orly!" and is going to go ahead and attempt to strike the guy that's next to him.

MARISHA: Come on, Marius. Do something useful.

TALIESIN: Wow. Really? Now? Really?

MATT: That's an 11. Misses.

TRAVIS: We told him he needed a kill! We told him he needed a kill!

MATT: And eight. Literally, I think if you hadn't done that, he would've rolled better. Fucking missed with both attacks.

LAURA: Oh, poor Marius! He's doing terrible!

TRAVIS: That's on you!

MARISHA: I didn't do that!

MATT: I'd say the Charm Person has worn off, too--

MARISHA: The dice did that.

MATT: -- because Orly is no longer conscious.

SAM: Orly is no longer alive?

LAURA: Conscious.

SAM: Oh, Jesus.

MATT: Yeah. I will say... let me double check real fast.

SAM: Is he doing death saves at this point?

TALIESIN: Yup. I mean not yet, but yeah, top of his turn he'll do a save.

SAM: If we lose this tortle, that's bad.

MATT: You know, it's not a concentration spell.

TALIESIN: Hey, thank you!

MATT: I'll say it maintains for now, for the next hour or so or...

TALIESIN: Until someone--

MATT: All right, so, that finishes his go there.

TRAVIS: This is fucking wild.

TALIESIN: Till I get upstairs, then it's fucked.

MATT: Five, 10, 15, 20, 25 30... He sees the Blade Barrier and he's like, "What the fuck is going on?"

TALIESIN: Go with it.

MATT: She's going up onto the top here of the crate that holds all the cannonballs up there. And is getting in a position to attack the guy that's between Caduceus and themself. So Shelda is just up there, but they used their action to get up there so that's their turn. These guys can go. "Oh no, the hell's going on?"

SAM: "Oh, maybe I should go and wake up, brush my teeth."

TRAVIS: Are any of those people Shelda?

SAM: Yeah, Shelda is the one who just hopped up on the thing. And did not betray us.

MATT: That's Gallan right there.

LAURA: Oh, that's Gallan? Good. Of course he would sleep in the deck below us.

SAM: Now don't you feel guilty?

TRAVIS: No. It's a pirate's life.

MATT: All right. Back up to the top.

TALIESIN: Oh, you still have your Spiritual Weapon up.

MATT: Jester, you're up.

LAURA: I'm going to use my Spiritual Weapon to attack the dude that's holding Nott.

MATT: You got it. Go ahead and roll an attack.

LAURA: Oh, 23.

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: Ooh, there it is. 20 points.

MATT: 20 points? It's like the tentacles squeezing Veth and Veth is like (groaning) in the middle of its grasp. It's not even looking up at you. It glances up at Shelda and--

LAURA: Ooh, I'm going to use my Spiritual Weapon like a bat. It's going to hit him and it's gonna slam him into the Blade Barrier.

MATT: Okay. As it swings wide, it smacks it upside the head and the shoulder with just enough momentum to spin up over. Shelda gets down low as the tentacle unravels, spins over Shelda's back and goes right into the blade wall.

TALIESIN: Julienne fries.

MATT: Just gets like wood chippered against the side wall.

TRAVIS: Yes! Yes!

LAURA: Sweet. I'm going to run forward as much as my movement will let me.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: What a mess that deck is.

LAURA: I know, this is just fucking chaos in here.

MATT: 25... that's as far as--

LAURA: Well, I'll use some of it. I don't want to be right up next to this dude. And then I'm going to cast-- what is this? At second level, I'm going to cast Guiding Bolt at this guy with Yasha.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

SAM: Popsicles, knives, beetles. It's madness.

LAURA: 13.

MATT: 13 just hits.

MARISHA: Like at the end of Poltergeist?

LAURA: 5d6.

MATT: Do it.

SAM: Ooh. Good stuff.

LAURA: (counting) 17, 16 points.

MATT: 16 points.

TALIESIN and SAM: 17, 16?

LAURA: Oh yeah, I totally-- 18, yeah.

MATT: 18 points?

LAURA: 18 points, and then-- (Matt grabs the mini)

TRAVIS: Oh, he's out!

LAURA: Sweet!

MATT: The bolt smashes into him. He falls back against the wall and is like (panting), looking over towards Yasha, and angrily goes to strike, as the arm just burns away, as the Guiding Bolt divine energy begins to just tear at the side. And as it does, you can just generally hear the laughter of the Traveler enjoying this embarrassing demise.

LAURA: I'm going to use the rest of my movement now to run towards the stairs as much as I can.

SAM: So we've cleared the deck?

ASHLEY: Is everybody out?

LAURA: We've cleared the deck.

SAM: Clear the decks!

MATT: I mean, that's as far as you can get with the rest of your movement.

SAM: Who's that? Is that me?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, that's you.

MATT: There's you and there's a guy right there on the other side.

SAM: Oh, there is a guy.

MATT: Yup.

MARISHA: Are you still on the ground?

SAM: Yeah, I'm still lying in my bed.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: We're all tripping over the hammock that goes across.

MATT: Jester's turn's done. Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: Okay. Inspired by the storm and these fish fucks, I'm going to light up my lightning gloves.

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: And after seeing a fish fuck over here take down Orly, I'm going to ignore this-- I'm going to look at Marius and be like, "Kill him. We need a kill." And then I'm going to go deal with this guy.

MATT: This guy there?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. So you dart over to here. You coming up on the edge there?

MARISHA: Yes, I will.

MATT: All right. So as you rush up to the side of that guy, go for it.

MARISHA: I do like a front flip onto the step--

MATT: Hell, yeah.

MARISHA: And then pop pop.

MATT: Hell, yeah.

SAM: (mumbles) A-pop pop.

MARISHA: That's not it, that doesn't count. Okay. A 19 and 17. So 29 and 27.

MATT: Both hit. Nice.

TRAVIS: Big rolls.

MARISHA: Yeah, those were great. All right. Not too bad. Uh, 10, 18, plus another-- 23 points of damage--

MATT: 23 points of damage.

MARISHA: On those two pops.

MATT: Nice.

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: Should've done it on the first one, but--

MATT: Ooh. Natural 18.

MARISHA: Dammit. Fucking shit. Flurry of Blows.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Pop, pop, pop.

LIAM: Bob, bob.

MARISHA: Ew. Those were not great. 15 and 18?

MATT: The 18 hits.

MARISHA: Okay. Okay. 12.

MATT: 12 points of damage.

MARISHA: Stunning strike.

MATT: Stunning strike. 19!

TRAVIS: Wow!

MATT: I'm rolling really good this battle.

TRAVIS: The joy!

MATT: It's making me happy.

MARISHA: And extract those aspects.

MATT: Indeed. Not immune to any damage, not resistant to any damage, and not immune to any conditions. It is a free open market on this guy.

MARISHA: Okay. Okay.

TRAVIS: Cool.

MARISHA: Okay, that's my turn.

MATT: All right. This fellow up here is going to go ahead and look over the side of the ship down into the waters and is just going to sit there and survey the territory. That brings us to Fjord, your turn.

TRAVIS: Great. I'll use half of my movement to stand up out of prone.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I'm going to lean over the railing and--

MATT: As soon as you lean over-- he was holding his action to Eldritch Blast you.

MARISHA: Oh, my god.

MATT: You are-- with the railing, you do you have a bonus. You have half cover, I'm giving you, so it's plus two to your AC.

TRAVIS: Oh.

MARISHA: And the pillows.

MATT: So that is a 14. That still hits?

TRAVIS: Yup.

TALIESIN: Goddammit.

SAM: See ya, Fjord.

MATT: You take eight points of force damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

TALIESIN: Yup.

MATT: Ooh, natural 19. Yeah. You take 10 points of force damage.

TRAVIS: (Implosion sound)

SAM: Oh noes!

TRAVIS: I go unconscious.

MATT: And with the third and final hit--

TALIESIN: Wouldn't he not hit him? Cause he would fall prone, wouldn't he?

MATT: No, it's all at once. So the third blast immediately takes away a death saving throw from you.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: As you--

LAURA: Why don't you come right back?

SAM: He knocks unconscious, he comes back--

TRAVIS: I do have Relentless Endurance.

MATT: That's true. So you're back to one hit point and then you get hit with the last blow.

LIAM: So you got all your death saves.

MARISHA: Yeah. Which is important.

MATT: Now--

TRAVIS: I'm just up on a crow's nest.

MARISHA: Alone.

MATT: Well, here's the thing. You said you were leaning over the railing. I need you to go ahead and roll a d20 for me. On a one to 10, you fall over the edge. On 11 or higher, you fall back into the crow's nest.

SAM: Oh, boy, this is bad.

TRAVIS: Eight.

SAM: Oh no.

LIAM: No, he's dead.

MARISHA: Well, no--

TRAVIS: I don't really know how I would-- It's fine.

LAURA: Like, it's splat.

MATT: Well--

ASHLEY: No, no, no.

MATT: Did you have a comment, you said?

TRAVIS: Nope.

MATT: Hm?

TRAVIS: Nope. No comment.

SAM: Oh, boy.

ASHLEY: Is he going to fall prone from the mast?

TALIESIN: It could go a lot of ways here.

SAM: He's rolling dam-- what is he rolling damage for?

LIAM: It's 1d6, for every ten feet--

SAM: No, I know, but these are death saves.

TALIESIN: No, but there may not need to be one.

LIAM: If he rolls a number higher than Fjord's hit point total, it would auto-kill.

MATT: Yeah, which wouldn't happen. So it's fine. I'm just rolling it cause it's fun.

LIAM: It's the drama.

MATT: All right, so you impact onto the wet deck of the ship. You do fail one death save.

TRAVIS: Just one?

MATT: Just one.

SAM: Okay. That's not terrible.

MATT: Just one.

TALIESIN: It's just pretty fucking bad.

MARISHA: Beau just screams out at the sight of it.

MATT: Whack! You hear that impact, and you turn--

TRAVIS: Isn't that two because I'm already unconscious?

MATT: No, it's only a melee attack. A critical hit does two deaths saves.

TRAVIS: Gotcha.

MATT: And you only get a critical hit automatically if it's a melee attack. So.

MARISHA: I just scream my head off. I just scream, "Fjord!"

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Can we hear it? Did we hear that below deck?

MATT: Yeah. You did.

TRAVIS: He baited me into that. "I survey the scene."

LAURA: I instantly drop my Blade Barrier.

MATT: You drop your Blade Barrier?

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: We'll say on your turn it will drop. All right, Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay. Seeing that everything is done down here--

MATT: You are no longer grappled.

ASHLEY: I'm going to run up the stairs.

MATT: Okay. You run this way. The guy who's on the other side of the barrier does get an attack of opportunity on you.

ASHLEY: Wait, up to the--

TALIESIN: Oh, there's one left?

LAURA: There's a guy in here?

MATT: Right there.

TALIESIN: Oh, there is one left.

LAURA: Oh, none of us could see that guy.

TALIESIN: Whatever.

ASHLEY: I didn't know there was another guy.

MATT: That's okay. Do you just want to keep going or do you want to stay and fight him?

ASHLEY: I heard a scream. Did we hear that?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah, you heard a scream.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to start running upstairs.

MATT: Okay. It will take an attack of opportunity.

TALIESIN: He ain't going to do nothing to you. If he even hits.

MATT: That is going to be a 17.

ASHLEY: Yeah, it just hits.

TALIESIN: Motherfuckers.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: It's awesome.

MATT: You take-- that's be with the poison quills. So that'd be nine points of poison damage. I need you to make a constitution saving throw for me.

ASHLEY: Yeah. 27.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TALIESIN: Yay, con.

MATT: 30. As you emerge outside, immediately next to you, you see one of the quilled sea spawn creatures, right there, like (heavy breathing).

ASHLEY: Okay. So I see...

MATT: You don't see-- well, you can maybe barely see Fjord's hand just past where the mast hits the deck.

LAURA: Would the sword have disappeared immediately when he went unconscious or would it still be out now?

MATT: No, the sword's still out.

TALIESIN: And the yell was "Fjord."

ASHLEY: So, as soon as I get up there, I see Fjord laying on the ground. I unleash a battle cry. So, "within 60 feet, who can hear you, gain advantage on attack rolls and saving throws."

MARISHA: Yes, yes!

ASHLEY: And I will attack this guy in front of me.

MATT: Go for it. You have advantage on the attack rolls.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TALIESIN: And you and Orly both have advantage on saving throws.

TRAVIS: Does that apply to an unconscious person?

SAM: No, he can't hear.

MATT: I'd say probably no, Battle Cry doesn't affect you when you're unconscious.

ASHLEY: 18

MATT: 18 hits.

ASHLEY: Okay. Oh shit. That doesn't work cause you can't hear it. Sorry. Panic.

TALIESIN: Good thought.

SAM: You think we heard you downstairs?

ASHLEY: Savage Attack.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Much better. 26 points of damage.

MATT: 26 points of damage. Right, so it was two attacks?

ASHLEY: That was one attack.

MATT: One attack. Nice.

ASHLEY: Second attack.

MATT: All right. The first attack breaks the Charm Person that Orly had cast on him.

ASHLEY: Oh, shit, he was charmed.

LAURA: You didn't know that.

MATT: Yeah, but you wouldn't have known that.

ASHLEY: I wouldn't know that.

MATT: You do, however, as you strike with a melee attack, the quills on its back deals five points of piercing damage to you, reduced to two.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Go ahead and make your second attack?

ASHLEY: Natural 20.

MATT: Whoo. Oh.

MARISHA: Isn't going to matter.

ASHLEY: 18 points of damage.

TRAVIS: And roll the extra.

MATT: That's the dice doubled, right?

ASHLEY: That was the dice doubled.

MATT: And then roll your Brutal Critical. The additional d6.

ASHLEY: One additional d6. Plus four.

MATT: So 20?

ASHLEY: Yeah. No!

TALIESIN: 22.

ASHLEY: 22. Yeah. Cause it was 18.

MATT: Oh, sorry. Yeah, so 22. He's really hurt. You do take another two points of piercing damage. It was five, but reduced, from the quills as you strike with each melee attack.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: And it spins on you (gaspy moan) in your direction.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: All right. That finishes your turn, Yasha?

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Okay. All right. It is now the sea spawns' turn. As the guy who was looking over the edge on his turn, off to the side of the ship...

TALIESIN: Just keep everyone okay for one more round.

TRAVIS: I'm incapacitated so that Hexblade's Curse goes away.

MATT: Gotcha.

TALIESIN: Goddammit. All I need is just-- I can do this. (Matt places more minis)

SAM: What is that thing? More?

MATT: Two of them climb back up on the edge of the ship. That's what he was looking at off the side.

ASHLEY: Oh my God.

LAURA: What an asshole.

LIAM: This is hot.

MATT: This guy's going out to there--

LIAM: It's so good.

MATT: --and this guy's going to dart over towards Yasha.

ASHLEY: Are they just going to keep coming?

LAURA: (uncertain sound)

TALIESIN: I don't know.

MATT: The one against you, Beauregard.

MARISHA: Kill these head... Yep.

MATT: That's going to be an 18.

MARISHA: Miss.

LIAM: I think it's dickheads.

MATT: 14.

MARISHA: Miss.

MATT: And with its quills, you're immune to it. (laughs)

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Against you, Yasha, it's going to be an attack. 17.

ASHLEY: Yup.

MATT: 11.

ASHLEY: Nope.

MATT: And with it's tentacle, that's 22.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Okay, so you take--

MARISHA: "Yup, nope, okay."

MATT: Six-- three points of bludgeoning damage and then from the tentacle, which does grapple you, oof, you take 14 points of bludgeoning damage reduced to seven. And you are grappled by that guy.

TALIESIN: Goddamn it, I just have to get up there. I just have to get up there. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

MATT: The guy you had just attacked, who is really hurt, turns around and is going to go ahead and attempt to strike at you as well.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: That is 15, so it's miss. 18. That's a hit. And with the the tentacle. Oof. It's another 24.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: All right. So you take ten-- five points of bludgeoning damage, and then from the other tentacle, that's going to be 11 points-- so another five points of bludgeoning damage.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: The one over there, that's with Marius is going to go ahead and attack him three times. That's a miss. Wow, a miss. Marius is like being all dodgy suddenly.

SAM: Yeah! He's inspired by Beau's--

MATT: And a miss! I rolled like a three and a four, then a four. Marius is like "Hoo! Hah! Try me, bitch!" No impact there. All right. And the one down there that is currently in base to base with you guys is going to go ahead and-- you're the one on the ground still, so he's going to go after you.

TALIESIN: He takes damage at the start of his turn.

MATT: That's true. Yes, you're right. You're right. So the save is... that's a failure on the save.

TALIESIN: That's, let's see, 14 points of a radiant damage.

MATT: 14 points of radiant damage...

SAM: Has he taken any damage yet?

LAURA: Yeah, he went through the Blade Barrier, so...

SAM: Oh, that guy did.

MATT: Yeah, that'll do it. (removes mini) So it doesn't even attack. It goes, turns toward Jester, and as it does, the beetles just swarm over it. You hear the (buzzing) and then as the beetles scatter away, you just see the dull bones beneath that are kind of bendy or cartilage-like.

LAURA: (singing) I like the beetles!

TRAVIS: Like a bone processor.

MATT: Yeah. All righty. That finishes their turn. Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: Caleb looks down the entire length of the boat and this is terrible. He pulls out a raven's feather and waves his hand and in the air, and casts Fly on himself.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And he is going to move quickly up this way and out one of the same holes that the sea spawn came in.

SAM: Snea snawn.

TALIESIN: There is a knife wall there.

LIAM: No, I thought it dropped.

MATT: Not yet.

LAURA: It's going to drop on my turn.

MATT: Correct. So you have to go out this way. If you want to. I will say make a general strength check for me.

LIAM: Strength check. It is 12.

MATT: Okay. So yeah. So you get just outside of that gun port hole there.

LIAM: That's as far as I can go. I can't get up and see deck?

MATT: What's your flight speed?

LIAM: 60 feet.

MATT: Oh, 60. Okay. Sorry, I thought that was 30... So then that'll get ya, we'll say...

SAM: Snea snong. Yeah. There's the boy.

MATT: Right up there.

TRAVIS: It's a flying wizard.

LIAM: Can I move there, as equally? Or...?

MATT: Yeah, that's fine. Right there.

LIAM: Okay, that's it. That's the end of my turn.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Just Doctor Strange-ing?

LAURA: Yeah. With this dramatic music.

TALIESIN: ♪ La la! ♪

(laughter)

MATT: That brings us to this fellow's turn. He is going to go ahead and-- you watch his jaws (fluttering).

LAURA: Fuck, fuck, fuck, no!

MATT: (screams) He screeches out, because he hasn't done it yet. I need everybody to go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw for me, please.

LIAM: Oh, shit.

SAM: What happens if you get stunned when you're flying?

LIAM: I drop in the ocean.

SAM: Oh, Jesus. Maybe? No? Oh fuck.

LIAM: That's awesome.

MATT: So, Fjord? Oh.

TRAVIS: No, I'm unconscious.

TALIESIN: No Fjord.

MARISHA: 12.

MATT: 12, stunned.

LAURA: No!

MARISHA: Oh, wait, wait, wait. We have advantage because of Battle Cry, right?

MATT: You do, yeah. Roll again.

LAURA: Oh, great!

ASHLEY: Good call.

MARISHA: Hang on, hang on, hang on!

SAM: Even worse.

MARISHA: Even worse. 12.

MATT: All right. Stunned.

LIAM: 16.

MATT: 16. You succeed.

SAM: 11.

MATT: Stunned.

LAURA: No!

SAM: Is this a frightened condition, by any chance?

MATT: No.

LAURA: 24.

TALIESIN: You're fine.

TALIESIN: I'm fine. I'm fine. Like I rolled a 19.

ASHLEY: 17.

MATT: 17. You guys are fine. The rest of the crew here...

SAM: I can't get out of this god damn hammock!

MATT: Marius... Marius succeeds!

(cheers)

TRAVIS: Hey, Marius lives! Marius is doing better than I am!

MATT: The two other crew, we have Shelda... fails, Shelda is stunned down below on deck. And...

MARISHA: He's still trying. He's trying real hard.

MATT: Oh, and Gallan succeeds. All right.

SAM: That's stunned. What can you do when you're stunned?

MATT: Finishing that--

MARISHA: You can't do shit when you're stunned. You're just stunned.

LAURA: No, you're just stuck.

SAM: You're incapacitated. You can't move. You can speak falteringly...

MATT: And is gonna go ahead and move...

MARISHA: People have advantage on you when they attack.

MATT: 25, I'll say you get up there. It goes past stunned Beau, darts and clambers over the edge of the ship to go ahead and get back up on the back deck there. All right. That finishes his go. Caduceus and Veth. Veth, you are stunned. Caduceus.

SAM: Can't do shit.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take my full movement to get up. Are there two--? Full movement to get up.

MATT: You can't get out because Yasha--

TALIESIN: Double my movement.

LAURA: But you can go out that one.

TALIESIN: Are there two?

LAURA: There's two stairs.

TALIESIN: There's two stairs?

MATT: Oh, that's true. So instead you can go.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: Well, no, this goes below deck.

LAURA: Oh, I thought they both went up.

MATT: So Yasha's right there in the way. And you know what? I'll say you can pass through if you want to, to come out on this side.

TALIESIN: Okay. Do I still have-- I'm gonna-- can I see everybody?

MATT: You can see... you can see most everybody.

TALIESIN: Okay.

LAURA: Save the day Caduceus! Save the day, Caduceus!

TALIESIN: I'm just trying to figure out-- everyone's within like 60 feet, right?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Okay. And I can see even the unconscious people from where I am?

MATT: You can. You had to use your action to get up here, by the way.

TALIESIN: I know.

MATT: Just so you know.

TALIESIN: Is that my full movement or...

MATT: I'd say you can probably get right there.

TALIESIN: Just so I can really-- all right. I'm going to cast as my bonus action-- watch this shit-- Where did my bonus action go? I'm too far. Hold on. Not Healing Word--

MATT: Actually, as a point, because you did move into Yasha's space in this way, that guy does get an attack of opportunity against you.

TALIESIN: Oh, cause I moved into the space.

MATT: Because you moved through Yasha's space to get through there. So he would get an attack on you. That is a 21 to hit.

TALIESIN: That hits.

MATT: You take...that would be nine points of bludgeoning damage--

TALIESIN: Whatever.

MATT: And you are grappled.

MARISHA: Are you breaking the fourth wall?

TALIESIN: I can still cast and do shit like that?

LAURA: Yeah, you can still cast when you're grappled.

MATT: You can still cast, but grappling gets a little weird here. This is a problem. You moved out of the space.

TALIESIN: If I didn't move, I mean he would've stopped me from moving any further than what I am. So I'm still--

MATT: No, cause you would have, as soon as you left, he would have triggered the attack, which would have kept you in that space. But Yasha's already occupying it.

TALIESIN: Oh, then--

LAURA: So would you be like up against Yasha?

MATT: So you'd be like back in the hallway like right behind Yasha. Because to be grappled, you have to be--

TALIESIN: Can I see the deck from where I am?

MATT: From where you are, you can see the deck. You would be essentially like right here, right behind Yasha, and you can look over there.

TALIESIN: Can I see Orly?

MATT: Uh, no.

TALIESIN: Can I see Fjord?

MATT: No, because you're still below deck.

SAM: Goddamnit.

TALIESIN: I'm not level enough?

LAURA: Like his head is not above--?

MATT: Your head is up, but right now--

MARISHA: He's tall.

TALIESIN: I am tall.

MATT: You are pretty tall. (sigh) It's finicky, based on this is in the way technically of the spaces and you are in the stairs behind Yasha and this other guy there. I'll say, I'll say roll a perception check with disadvantage.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

MATT: We'll go with this to see.

TALIESIN: That's 19.

MATT: 19? Yeah. I'll say you can. So yeah, I'll say you cannot see Orly, but you can see Fjord.

TALIESIN: And I'm rolling my-- do I roll my constitution save for my concentration spell now or later?

MATT: You do.

ASHLEY: You get advantage.

TALIESIN: That's 17.

MATT: 17. Okay.

TALIESIN: I am going to-- And now--

MATT: Technically, that's where it's at.

TALIESIN: Yep. Yep. That's fine. Now I'm going to cast, as my bonus action-- Lord, where is it? Where is it? Mass Healing Word.

MATT: Mass Healing Word, nice.

TALIESIN: Mass Healing Word at level four.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: So every friendly within 60 feet who I can see-- hold on-- gets-- if you're unconscious, wait.

SAM: Wait, you can see?

TALIESIN: Everybody within 60 feet that I can see.

LAURA: You can see Veth, too, right?

TALIESIN: No, no. Just above deck. Gets 11 hit points.

MATT: That's 11 hit points to you, Fjord.

TALIESIN: No, Fjord, because he's unconscious--

MATT: Oh, that's right.

TALIESIN: --gets 13.

MATT: Right, gets the max.

MATT: And Orly also gets 13.

MATT: That's true.

SAM: Orly!

TRAVIS: Thank you very much.

TALIESIN: And Caleb gets--

LIAM: I'm at full.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: But thank you.

TALIESIN: Fuck my life.

TRAVIS: Thank you very much.

MATT: That was--

ASHLEY: That was awesome.

MATT: That was some finicky stuff. And you did well. That was great. All righty. Finishing Caduceus's turn. Veth, you're stunned.

SAM: Yep.

MATT: Crew, stunned. He's going to go on and move.

SAM: "What's going on upstairs?"

TRAVIS: That helped a lot.

TALIESIN: So yeah, you're conscious.

MATT: (counting movement) 30, what the fuck?

SAM: "Oh, god, there's blades all over my face!"

MATT: "What the fuck?! What? Jesus Christ!"

LAURA: I did it out of (mumbles). I avoided the stairs.

MATT: I would s--

SAM: Take him down.

LAURA: No, Gallan!

MATT: No, Gallan rolled high enough to where he was like, "Shit!" and didn't get like a bunch more axe wounds to the face. But that's the end of his turn there. All right. Jester, you're up.

LAURA: I can't get upstairs because everybody's blocking everything.

MATT: Yup.

LAURA: This is stupid.

TALIESIN: Sorry.

MATT: It's a traffic jam.

ASHLEY: Sorry.

LAURA: I know, but it's gonna use up all my-- it's an action to do it. I'm going to drop Blade Barrier, so I don't set off any sparks.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Except for the--

LAURA: The ones that I've been doing.

MATT: Thankfully, like all the gun powder is here.

LAURA: I'm gonna-- I got a question. With my Spiritual Weapon, since it's not actually corporeal, can I float it up and through the ceiling with its 20 movement?

MATT: You still have to be able to see where it's going.

LAURA: Okay. If I use my action to Dimension Door--

MATT: Then I would allow you to move it up through the floor, because it is ethereal or spiritual.

LAURA: Okay, then I'm gonna use my action to Dimension Door.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I don't know what's going on above deck, so I'm gonna bamf up to here.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: And then I'm going to use my Spiritual Weapon. I'm going to move it up through.

MATT: It comes up to about right where Fjord is, as far as like placement there.

SAM: It hits Fjord again and kills him.

LAURA: Can it hit anything?

MATT: It can move over here and hit this guy if you'd like, with the last of its movement.

LAURA: Okay. Yeah.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: That hits. 26.

MATT: 26. Yeah, it does.

LAURA: 15 points.

MATT: 15 points.

LAURA: Of serrated lollipop damage.

SAM: Ginsu lollipop.

MATT: Which it does. It shreds the creature.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Is taking a health potion an action or a bonus action?

MATT: We usually consider it as a bonus action to take it. All right, that finish your turn? All right, Jester's done. Beau.

MARISHA: Stunned.

MATT: You're stunned? All right. It is this guy's turn now.

SAM: Just me and Shelda.

LIAM: Which one? The big guy?

MATT: The angry guy up there.

TRAVIS: This cat, right?

MATT: Yup. And he is very-- He's just going to leap down. Make an acrobatics check. That's cocked. Yeah, he's fine.

SAM: You want to seem cool, but it's like--

TRAVIS: He just jumped down in the fracas.

TALIESIN: I know.

MATT: Watching, watching the healing spell go out there and looking down and all of a sudden the rising center just gets angry and just kind of, as opposed to staying in the back and watching from a distance, pulls out the Sword of Fathoms, leaps down, and walks right up to Fjord on the ground.

LAURA: Oh, god!

TALIESIN: Goddammit.

MARISHA: No, come on.

MATT: Because you are prone, it has advantage on the attacks.

SAM: Oh, boy.

TALIESIN: God fucking dammit.

MATT: So first--

SAM: But you've got 13 hit points.

MATT: First, it's going to attempt to bite you. Gets a natural 20.

LAURA: Wait, he's biting you while you're on the ground. That means he has to lean forward with his mouth and be like, (Leans forward and bites.)

MATT: Yup.

TRAVIS: It's very romantic.

TALIESIN: How far away is Fjord?

MATT: Fjord is about 25 feet from you.

TALIESIN: I'll cancel that just for fucking shits and giggles.

MATT: Good on you.

ALL: Yes!

MARISHA: Grave cleric, grave cleric!

TALIESIN: It's not going to help that much, but...

LAURA: It's something.

MATT: That is going to bring us to nine points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

SAM: Hey! That's not bad.

MATT: Its first attack with the Sword of Fathoms is going to be a 15 to hit.

TRAVIS: Hits.

LAURA: Why don't you have any armor on?

TALIESIN: He was asleep.

TRAVIS: It stabbed me in the chest while I was sleeping.

LAURA: You don't sleep with your armor on?

TRAVIS: I guess not.

LAURA: Always sleep with your armor on.

MATT: Technically, you weren't sleeping with your armor on and we totally forgot when we were calculating your armor and stuff.

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: So technically, you should have taken a lot more damage, but that's fine.

LAURA: I always sleep with my armor on, so...

MATT: Okay. That means you also wake up with exhaustion points every morning.

LAURA: Okay, I don't always do that.

MATT: I made some mistakes in there not considering the fact that all of you guys should have no armor on.

ASHLEY: It's a lot, it's a lot to manage.

MATT: That's my bad. But you know what? That's fine. I'll just give myself a few more bonuses here on their end to even it up.

MARISHA: (unhappy laugh)

LAURA: (fake sobbing)

MATT: All right.

SAM: Ooh boy.

MATT: You take--

SAM: I'm unconscious just from dropping a bunch.

MATT: 14 points of slashing damage.

TRAVIS: I am unconscious.

MATT: And four points psychic. You are unconscious. Hits you with an auto critical. You immediately lose two death saving throws.

TRAVIS: Two down.

MARISHA: So you only get that Relentless Endurance thing once a day?

TRAVIS: Once a day.

MATT: All right. That finishes his turn. You see as it's jamming the blade into Fjord's chest, as Fjord screams out and he goes unconscious and it's like digging into his sternum with the blade, like he's trying to carve a watermelon.

TRAVIS: I pulled out a health potion, and it's just in my hand.

MATT: All right. Fjord, it's your turn. I need you to make a death saving throw for me.

SAM: Oh, shit.

MARISHA: Oh, this is it. Oh, I hate this.

SAM: Yeah. This is like the worst.

TRAVIS: 11.

MATT: All right, that was a success. That's a success.

(cheers)

MATT: Yasha, your turn.

ASHLEY: Too stressful. Okay.

MATT: You are grappled and you are in melee with two of those guys.

ASHLEY: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So porcupine guy, is he the one who is grappling me?

MATT: Technically, it's this guy here that's grappling you, in front of you.

ASHLEY: Okay. I will attack-- can I try to get out of the grapple? Porcupine guy has the tentacle or they both do?

MATT: There's no porcupine guy here. They're both tentacled.

ASHLEY: Okay, got it. So I will attack the guy to the left first, I guess? Or well, you said the guy on the right is grappling me?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

ASHLEY: Okay. So I'm going to try to get out of that.

MATT: Go for it.

ASHLEY: Okay. This is an attack or this is a...?

TRAVIS: Burning max amount of calories right now.

MATT: This is-- what, are you trying to break out of it? Or trying to attack him?

ASHLEY: I'll attack.

MATT: Up to you.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah. I'll attack. That's cocked, but I forgot I was going to go reckless. So just in case, I'm glad I did that.

MATT: Okay, so you're going reckless.

ASHLEY: Ew, both bad. That was... well, 14.

MATT: Hits.

ASHLEY: Okay. So first attack...

SAM: Oh, boysie.

ASHLEY: Yeah. That's better. 20 points total for the first hit.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Okay. Second hit... That's good. 19?

MATT: 19 does hit.

ASHLEY: Okay.

LIAM: I'm checking line of sight.

ASHLEY: 15 points of damage.

MATT: He's looking hurt. But he's still standing. Is that your turn?

SAM: I don't want to get it back.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: That's my fucking turn.

MATT: Yasha's done. It's now--

ASHLEY: Wait, wait, wait, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm gonna move a little bit.

MATT: You can't, you're grappled.

ASHLEY: I'm fucking grappled. God dammit.

TALIESIN: At the top of their turn, they take damage.

MATT: Yes, they do. So go ahead and roll that.

TRAVIS: Choked myself to death.

MATT: Fail on his end, and-- both fail.

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah. That's nice.

LIAM: (like the Kool-Aid Man) Oh yeah!

TALIESIN: Fuck. I can't count. 21 points of radiant damage to everyone in that fucking circle.

LAURA: That you choose.

TALIESIN: Except, yeah. 21 points to anybody I don't like.

MATT: Both of them just like immediately are lifted off their feet as the swarm of celestial beetles just consumes them in the middle of the air, leaving their weird, floppy, almost cartilage-like skeletons to hit the ground.

SAM: Caduceus is killing it.

LAURA: Yeah, Caduceus is doing it.

MATT: You're no longer grappled.

TALIESIN: Nope.

LAURA: You're doing it, Caduceus, you're doing it.

MATT: -- say that. You're safe.

LAURA: Oh my god, safe!

MATT: All righty. This guy here is going to go ahead and leap past.

MARISHA: Man, being stunned sucks.

MATT: And is going to go ahead and attack Fjord.

SAM: Oh! Oh but that's not good.

MATT: It's an auto-crit.

TRAVIS: Well, I only had one death save left, so yeah.

MATT: The creature has its blade in his chest, kind of staring off to the side, it gives a look towards one of the spined guys who had climbed over the edge. It leaps down onto the ground, puts its hands on the blade, the Sword of Fathoms, as well, and pushes down as it stabs all the way through Ford's chest. The breath leaves his mouth.

TRAVIS: Oops.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: We got diamonds, right?

MARISHA: I think we have some.

SAM: Beauregard.

MATT: Caleb, it's your turn.

SAM: You just became the captain.

LIAM: Thinking about the conversation I had with Fjord just yesterday, I drag dust up my arm and point my hand at the head one and cast Disintegrate.

MATT: Oh, shit.

MARISHA: Yes!

LIAM: Two, four, six, eight, ten.

TRAVIS: Like the ocean IRS, they're--

MATT: All righty. Dex saving throw for that?

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: They will find you. They will come collect from you.

LIAM: 67.

MATT: Oh, natural 4, that's a fail.

LIAM: 67 points of damage.

TRAVIS: That's a lot.

MARISHA: Kill him.

MATT: All right, so as it blasts, the ice that's still encasing his chest is scattered away and you watch as the sickly green glow of the beam impacts and watch as parts of its fleshy body begin to turn to dust. It backs away, and it withdraws the blade from the gaping wound in Fjord's chest. It took some damage.

SAM: Not dead.

MATT: This guy's barely been hit this whole battle.

LIAM: And I would like to hover to here.

SAM: Are you super stunned still?

MARISHA: Until these guys turns are over, cause it ends on their turn.

LIAM: I would like to go to here.

TRAVIS: On D&D Beyond, it now says "Dead" next to my name.

MARISHA: Dead Fjord. Oh, my god.

SAM: How did that happen?

TRAVIS: In parentheses, it says (Dead).

MARISHA: In front of it, so it's just, like, dead Fjord.

SAM: Oh god.

TRAVIS: It's a look.

SAM: Easy, easy, D&D Beyond.

MARISHA: Dang. Brutal.

SAM: Take it easy, guys.

LAURA: Brutal.

MATT: There you go, Caleb.

LIAM: I missed one point. I missed a die.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Is he dead?

MATT: No. One point? 53. Got it. All right, cool. Finishing Caleb's turn. it's now this guy's turn. The stun wears off.

SAM: Uk'otoa-regard.

MATT: At the end of his turn--

MARISHA: Just immediately start crying.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Stunned and couldn't do shit while my friend died.

LIAM: Sob fight, sob fight.

MARISHA: (sobs)

MATT: This guy is going to leap down and attempt to attack Orly three times.

MARISHA: Is he still in my range?

TALIESIN: Orly didn't get his move, his thing, did he?

MATT: No, not yet. So it's going to take a sword attack.

MARISHA: Is he in my range?

MATT: What's that? You're technically still stunned until the end of his turn, I believe.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

MATT: Let me double check. Till the end of its next turn. Yeah. So it hits Orly with its sword for...

MARISHA: Fuck.

MATT: Orly's unconscious, and that's two more attacks.

MARISHA: Is he going to kill Orly, too?

MATT: That's a hit. So after it slices Orly, and Orly kind of (moans) falls on the ground, it jumps on top, takes the blade and jams it from the side of the shell--

TRAVIS: No!

MATT: --through the armpit and inside Orly's torso and cuts, and then twists on the inside and Orly just goes limp.

TRAVIS: Holy fucking shit.

MATT: Pulls the blade out, gills kind of (flaring) on the sides of its neck.

TRAVIS: Have we ever had two kills?

MARISHA: Two deaths?

SAM: No.

TRAVIS: And we're not even near done.

MARISHA: We haven't really touched these fuckers.

SAM: I'm still lying in bed!

ASHLEY: There's two guys left?

LIAM: Oh, just go back to sleep.

LAURA: There's two big guys left.

TALIESIN: Are there any little guys left?

SAM: I've not been able to get out of bed.

LIAM: Yes, there is. Little guy right here.

TALIESIN: Okay.

LAURA: Little guy and a psycho guy and a...

SAM: It's just a hammock, so I'm like (swinging back and forth)

LIAM: We got a small, medium, large.

MATT: Caduceus, you're up. Veth, you as well.

SAM: What? What's that?

LAURA: You're up next, after Caduceus.

SAM: Fucking great.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take my movement as close to Fjord as I can get.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Is that guy still alive?

MATT: You can get right next to Fjord.

LIAM: Where are all Grog's hit points now?

TRAVIS: I miss them every day.

TALIESIN: And I'm going to--

MARISHA: You went down as Grog, but your hit points--

TALIESIN: Orly's out, right?

MATT: Orly and Fjord are both dead.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's cool. I'm going to cast...

SAM: Did Marius get a kill yet?

TRAVIS: Who? No.

TALIESIN: Just figuring it out.

MARISHA: His one job. His one job.

MATT: He's not an adventurer, guys.

TRAVIS: It's not what he is, it's what he can be.

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast-- who's the biggest problem right now?

LAURA: The dude that just like--

MATT: I mean, there's the one guy that killed Fjord.

TALIESIN: That'll do.

MATT: Seems to be visually the most-- kind of the leader. They're all looking and taking cues from this individual.

TRAVIS: He's the most hit pointed-up. He just had Armor of Agathys be dispelled. They both have falchions.

SAM: Are both people with your sword, are they both men?

TRAVIS: I can't tell gender.

ASHLEY: Was he the one that Caleb just hit?

MATT: It's hard to tell gender. What are you doing, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Blight-- How far away am I from this?

MATT: Oh, like 10 feet. Blight against the main guy?

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to cast Blight at at a fifth level against the main guy.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I just put you on my water bottle.

MATT: That is a natural 18.

TALIESIN: Motherfucker.

MATT: Doesn't get a bonus. Oh, no, plus four. So it would be 22. So it takes half damage.

TALIESIN: Okay. Here we go. Half damage is fine.

LAURA: Are we still doing advantage on attacks and saving throws?

MATT: Nope, that faded.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: This sucks.

ASHLEY: My turn's done. Oh, we went a full round.

TRAVIS: Should have had Caleb do the silver string in the captain's quarters.

MARISHA: Oh, my god, yeah.

TALIESIN: I rolled wrong. Hold on. I'm sorry. I was rolling wrong. I'm so sorry. One second. Cause I'm having a mild conniption.

TRAVIS: Only time we don't sleep in the dome.

TALIESIN: All right, this'll do it.

MARISHA: Nice and cozy, just listening to the rain lull us to sleep.

TALIESIN: ...12 plus 14-- Please help.

LAURA: Thirty.

TALIESIN: Is 30?

LAURA: No.

TALIESIN: 12 plus 14 is...

LAURA: Twenty...

MATT: 26.

TALIESIN: 26 and then...uh, 26, 20, uh, 29, 44 points of necrotic damage.

ASHLEY: Wow.

MATT: All right, so he takes 22. As you see the moisture pull out of the body and the gray areas, all of a sudden the veins darken and the jaw kind of turns gray on one side and goes limp. He's starting to look hurt.

SAM: Starting to.

TALIESIN: As a bonus action, I'm-- can I just use a bonus section? Let's see. Where are we?

MATT: Veth, what are you doing?

TALIESIN: Never mind.

SAM: I'm getting out of bed.

MATT: There you go.

SAM: That's half my movement.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Use the other half should go upstairs.

TALIESIN: My bonus action is to turn invisible.

MATT: Then you have your action.

SAM: Bonus action to dash.

MATT: You emerge right next to Yasha, right here in the middle of the ship.

SAM: Do I see any enemies? Are any of them engaged in a combat scenario?

MATT: Currently, yes, because they're both next to Beauregard. So you can see both. The main guy has half cover. The other guy here does not.

SAM: I will go for the one without half cover.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: And fire. I will cast Brenatto's Crossbow. And fire my crossbow Aw, shit! 16.

MATT: 16 against him? Hits.

SAM: Okay. That's something. 29 points of damage.

MATT: Oh, man, he's looking real bad. And you see he tries to pull it out. All of the-- like on the barbed end of it pulls at some internal organ and viscera with it. It's like-- throws it on the ground. It spatters that weird, clear fluid.

SAM: That's all I got.

MATT: All right. Top of the round. Jester, you're up.

LAURA: I'm going to bring my Spiritual Weapon and slam it in the back of the head.

MATT: Of the main guy?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Go for it. Roll for an attack.

LAURA: 22.

MATT: 22 hits.

LAURA: Come on! Nine points.

MATT: Nine points of damage. He takes the hit.

LAURA: At the same time, I'm going to-- Is he looking rough, did you say?

MATT: He's starting to look hurt.

LAURA: At fifth level, I'm going to shoot my hand forwards and I'm going to cast Guiding Bolt.

MATT: Okay. Go for it. Roll for an attack.

LAURA: 25.

MATT: 25, that definitely hits.

TRAVIS: Wow. Come on, 5th level.

SAM: Ooh!

MARISHA: Is that the super hurt one?

LAURA: 19, 21, and then...

SAM: Three more?!

LAURA: 21, 27, 29, 32 points of radiant damage.

MATT: 32 points of radiant damage?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, got it. So it blasts him, and you see it's starting to show some real hurt, and now its body is glittering.

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: Oh, right, advantage on him.

MARISHA: Who did you hit? Did you hit--

LAURA: The big guy.

MARISHA: On top of Fjord?

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: Are you going to move position?

LAURA: It doesn't-- I mean, I'm going to run forward to the edge of the--

MATT: To the edge of...?

LAURA: Can I jump down, so I can see? How far can I get?

MATT: From there? Five 10, 15... 30. You can get there.

LAURA: No, I'll be about there.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: God, it's just so much chaos in here.

MATT: I know, isn't it? All right, that's your turn?

LAURA: I don't think I want to...

MATT: Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: You good? Beau is furious and is going to revert back to like 18-year-old bar-room brawl Beau, and she's gonna leap on the back of this fuck that killed Fjord--

TRAVIS: Nice pool room style!

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: And grab them by the front of his face and just fucking pummel his fucking face!

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Do it, do it.

MARISHA: Just be that crazy bitch, just on his back.

TRAVIS: Fucking banjo playing.

MARISHA: Pop pop! 26?

MATT: That hits.

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

MATT: Immune to stun.

MARISHA: He's immune to stun? That one is?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Because I did the thing.

TRAVIS: It's different.

TALIESIN: It's a different thing.

MATT: It's a different creature, different stats set. Roll damage.

LAURA: (laughing) How many things just popped on her head?

TRAVIS: There's a lot, a couple of cracks over here.

TALIESIN: 15 spinal chunks.

MARISHA: 11.

LAURA: Marisha's head just falls off.

MARISHA: (rolling thuds)

MATT: All right. Right, well done.

SAM: And the credits roll.

MATT: Roll for damage.

MARISHA: In the Dwarven Forge cam. Second pop, 26 again. Eight damage.

MATT: Eight points of damage. All righty.

MARISHA: And then... Oh, I had advantage on that first one, right?

LAURA: You did.

MATT: Yes, you did. So go ahead and roll just to see if it's a crit.

MARISHA: Nope.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And Flurry of Blows. Fuck this guy.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Pop, pop, just full on. That was cocked. Okay. 25 and 19.

MATT: Both hit. Roll damage.

SAM: Killer.

MARISHA: Ooh! Ooh! Double eights. 16 plus 12, what is that? 16, 28, 30. 30!

MATT: 30. Ooh, he's hurting.

MARISHA: Wait, 28. 28? 16 plus--

TRAVIS: 18 plus 12? 30.

MARISHA: 30. He's still standing?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Fuck!

MATT: Tough one. Does that finish your turn, Beau?

MARISHA: Yeah. I've got him by the hair.

MATT: Okay, it's now his turn.

TALIESIN: He takes damage.

MATT: Yes, top of his turn.

LAURA: Oh, good, good, good.

MATT: That is a 19.

TALIESIN: That does make his-- so he takes half damage. That's pretty good. That's okay. 14. So half is seven points of damage.

MATT: You got it.

TALIESIN: Of radiant damage.

LAURA: Did you add anything to it?

TALIESIN: Nothing to add.

MATT: Seven points there.

TALIESIN: Oh, and half movement for whenever he-- inside the circle is half movement.

MATT: You got it. All right, so it's going to turn to the others and go (strange growly language)--

SAM: No!

MATT: And it starts speaking in a language that I don't think any of you understand.

LIAM: Is it magical?

MATT: No.

LIAM: No.

MATT: Not this statement.

MARISHA: Is it Deep Speech?

MATT: And it reaches down-- No, it is not. Grabs Fjord by like the chest--

LAURA: Don't you fucking dare--

MATT: And is going to attempt to Dimension Door--

LIAM: Counterspell.

SAM: Yes!

LIAM: Fourth level.

MATT: And does not go anywhere. Well, no, because it is a fifth level spell, cause it's a warlock. So you do still have to roll.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: Oh, god!

SAM: Oh, boy.

MATT: Yeah, it's all fifth little slots is a warlock. So roll.

LIAM: What am I doing here?

SAM: You're rolling against...

MATT: You're rolling--

LIAM: A d10 plus the spell's level. And it's my--

MATT: So d10--

LIAM: And I add my modifier, right?

MATT: Correct. Your intelligence modifier.

LIAM: 17.

MATT: He does not move.

(Cries of relief)

MATT: He goes ahead and you watch as this purple energy begins to rise, this dark ocean begins to swell up around the two of them. As it releases the incantation to slam the ground, Caleb, flying up, sends his hands down in this wave of-- this spiraling net of arcane runes grapples around, and shatters the growing doorway. Suddenly it looks up angrily at you.

SAM: Oh God.

MATT: It's going to try and move.

TALIESIN: Half speed.

MATT: Half speed with Fjord. You do have your reaction.

MARISHA: Yes, I do.

MATT: Make your attack.

LIAM: Kick his ass!

TALIESIN: Am I within range to make a reaction?

MATT: No.

MARISHA: 16, I think hits.

MATT: 16? No, 17 is his armor class.

LIAM: Kick his ass, Bob!

SAM: Denied.

MATT: It's going to go ahead and--

TRAVIS: This way?

MATT: Half speed? Oh man. That half speed is fucking me up.

LAURA: Plus it's dragging Fjord, so...

MATT: Yeah, so he only gets over to here.

LAURA: Does Marius get an attack?

MATT: No, technically he's in--

TRAVIS: Please! Leave my fate to Marius!

SAM: (heroically) "I'll help you! Ah, I'm off the boat."

MATT: Amazing. Yeah. Now that half speed and then dragging-- Yeah, that's as far as he gets, trying to drag Fjord up on the edge because he has no other options. Fucking Counterspell. My bane! All right. Yasha, your turn.

ALL: Yasha!

ASHLEY: So I'm going to-- Can I get to him?

MATT: Yeah. You can get-- rushing past Caduceus--

LAURA: Yeah, kill him!

MATT: You can come around this way or you can go up on the edge of the boat. Up to you.

ASHLEY: I'll come around this way.

MATT: Okay, so you come around this way.

ASHLEY: Okay, so--

MATT: It's dragging Ford's lifeless corpse up towards the lip of the boat, getting ready to jump into the ocean.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TRAVIS: Why? What'd I do?

LAURA: Cause you got the fucking thing still in you.

TRAVIS: No, I don't.

ASHLEY: 22.

MATT: Yeah, you do.

TALIESIN: Yeah, you do.

LAURA: You've still got an orb in you, yo?

SAM: Yeah, there was two. One fell out.

TALIESIN: There's still one in there.

MARISHA: One in the sword.

TRAVIS: But it was in the sword.

MATT: The sword was symbolic of you having it.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

ASHLEY: 22.

MATT: 22 hits.

SAM: Should have done x-rays!

LAURA: The ball's been inside of you this whole time.

ASHLEY: Seven, eight. I'm going to roll Savage Attacker. It's the same, okay. Five, six, seven. I know. Eight, that was better. 18 for the first hit.

MATT: How do you want to do this?

ASHLEY: Okay. Okay. So he has a tentacle, yeah?

MATT: No tentacle. He has this giant clawed hand and dragging Fjord by the chest wound up towards the edge of the ship.

ASHLEY: Okay. I want to do a Black Widow wrap-around his neck. And then I want to just pull his head back so his neck breaks. And then I want to take his body, throw it over the side and wrap his claw around a belaying pin, so he's a warning for anybody else who would try to find the ship.

TRAVIS: Fucking sick!

MATT: You snap the neck, you throw the body over and because the bones are weirdly flexible, you take and wrap it around, and the arm actually bends and wraps as it breaks in the same way, and dislodges at all the joints, and you take it and you wrap it in and he's now dangling outside the ship, the rain pouring.

ASHLEY: Okay. And then, where's Fjord at this point?

MATT: Fjord is on the ground right next to you. Just slumped there.

ASHLEY: Is there still another guy?

LAURA: Yeah, there is. There's another guy.

MATT: You have another attack if you want.

ASHLEY: I do have another attack. Okay. But he's on the ship? Fjord is on the ship?

MARISHA: Yeah, he's next to me.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MARISHA: Right there.

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay. So the other guy, I'll take an attack on him.

LIAM: Can you get there?

ASHLEY: Oh, well, yeah, where is he? I can't see with--

LIAM: Where's the tortoise?

MATT: Right there. That guy--

LIAM: Oh, that guy there?

MATT: Back right there.

LIAM: So there's the guy by Beau.

MARISHA: Oh. Oh, there's two guys.

LIAM: Two guys.

ASHLEY: There's two guys. Okay. Whoever I can get to from there, because I can't quite see.

MATT: There's the guy right there.

ASHLEY: Okay. Got it. Yeah. Okay. Same. So 22.

MATT: 22. Okay.

ASHLEY: Does that hit?

MATT: That does hit, yes.

ASHLEY: Okay. 13 points of damage.

MATT: 13 points of damage, got it.

ASHLEY: Oh, this is so stressful.

MATT: Okay. That finishes Yasha's go. It's now his turn. He's going to go ahead and fully-- he's going to attempt to run--

LAURA: Can I get an attack of opportunity?

TALIESIN: And also start of his turn--

MATT: It does. Yep!

TRAVIS: What a squad, what a squad!

MATT: He fails his save.

TALIESIN: 16 points of radiant damage. And he's still half speed.

MATT: Yup.

LAURA: And I hit him with a 19.

MATT: Yup.

LAURA: With my axe.

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: I have an axe!

MATT: Yasha, you get an attack of opportunity as well.

ASHLEY: Yes!

MATT: You do the additional damage, too, because--

LAURA: Yeah, because of the poison thing.

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Eight points. How much extra?

ASHLEY: 27.

MATT: That hits. Roll damage.

LAURA: 14 points of damage.

MATT: 14 points of damage. Nice.

ASHLEY: 15.

MATT: Yeah, no, he tries to run and (multiple strikes). Fucking Ginsu-ed every which way. Caleb, you're up.

SAM: Who's still alive?

MATT: This one guy right there.

MARISHA: That big fuck.

LIAM: The big one.

LAURA: The stunner, the stunner.

MARISHA: He's almost dead though.

LIAM: Yeah, so--

MATT: He's looking really bad.

LIAM: Caleb just pulls out his adder stomach and draws it back like it's a bow and releases Melf's Acid Arrow at fifth level.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Are you sure it's not Widogast's Acid Arrow?

LIAM: No, it's another famous wizard.

TRAVIS: Yeah! (laughter)

MATT: Power play.

SAM: There are two.

MATT: All right. Is it a dexterity save? Or a spell attack?

LIAM: It's Dex.

MATT: Dex. That is a natural two. Go ahead and roll damage.

LIAM: Four plus an additional for everything above two, so another three.

TRAVIS: Make him hurt.

LIAM: That's four--

MARISHA: That's good. That's good.

LIAM: -- eight, 12-- it is good. 16, 19.

MATT: How do you want to do this?

LIAM: 19, 21.

MATT: How do you want to do this, Caleb?

MARISHA: Lucky 21!

MATT: He's turning to try and jump off the ship.

LIAM: Yeah, and as he's jumping, a beam of green, arcane energy shoots straight for the back of his head and then just starts to melt down and melts a line down through his head, down through his neck, and through his chest.

MATT: Runs towards the edge and then slumps over the side and you watch as the body slowly melts in the middle of it, and then just slops to the ground in two halves.

LIAM: And I will use my movement to fly and drop right down by Fjord's body. And check it. And here we are.

SAM: So wait, we have Orly and Fjord dead?

LAURA and MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: As you all--

ASHLEY: I'm shaking.

MATT: As you all, standing in the pouring rain here on the deck of your ship...

LAURA: What is he going to do?

MATT: Sorry, I need me some rain sounds.

SAM: Gotta have some rain sounds. Drama.

MATT: You all independently walk up to see there, in scattered pools of blood, unmoving, the dead bodies of Fjord and Orly. The storm still flashing overhead, the thunder still roaring, in the middle of this moonless night. And none of the other armada ships, as far as you know, aware of what transpired here. It sinks in what had happened, possibly why, and what needs to hopefully be done to rectify it. And that's where we're going to end tonight's episode.

LIAM: Wow.

MATT: Oh shit. We went late. I am so sorry. I wasn't paying attention to the time. Oh now I feel really bad.

LIAM: What a thrill ride.

TRAVIS: Well, we're the ones RPing halfway through the boat voyage.

MATT: No, it's great, man!

TRAVIS: No, it's good.

LIAM: We did a Chekhov play the first hour.

TRAVIS: I'm glad this happened here and not in Chicago.

MARISHA: Mmm. Mmm!

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: Wow!

TRAVIS: This map was out.

MARISHA: I know. Well, these were the things he was crafting, I think.

MATT: Those are the things I was building in secret in the hotel room.

TRAVIS: I have the third orb still in me? It wasn't in the sword? It was just representative of what's in my chest?

MATT: The way he was attacking you, he seemed to be continuously going for the chest.

TALIESIN: Keep digging.

MATT: Where you had placed all the orbs into.

TRAVIS: That imagery with Yasha and the Fjord dream before everything went wrong was amazing.

LAURA: What I loved was like you were watching Yasha have the dream and I looked over and you were like, "Thank God it's not me."

TRAVIS: 100%

LAURA: It's so hard when it's like--

TRAVIS: I looked at Marisha and I was like, "Oh, I hate it when it's like this."

MARISHA: Yeah, we were like, "This sucks when it's on you."

ASHLEY: You try to not make eye contact with him.

LAURA: So much pressure.

ASHLEY: So much pressure.

LIAM: Great game.

MATT: Great game guys.

SAM: But Revivify you have to do within a minute, and it's going to be a whole week.

TRAVIS: Two rounds.

MATT: It's been two rounds.

ASHLEY: It's close.

LAURA: We've got time.

TALIESIN: I actually have spells that can-- yeah, there's stuff. There's stuff.

ASHLEY: There's stuff.

TALIESIN: There's stuff. I've got a lot of stuff.

TRAVIS: Just nobody trip on the way over, okay?

SAM: (falling, impact) Oh no, I stabbed Fjord again!

MATT: All right. We'll pick up here next Thursday. Thank you guys so much for sticking with us. Have a wonderful night. We love you very much. And is it Thursday yet? Goodnight!