Bar Room Blitz

is the twenty-first special episode of Critical Role.

Part I
Sam begins the adventure at the foot the of Umbra Hills in Jorenn Village. White snow caps the distant Cliffkeep Mountains  Mountains and the roads. Night has fallen and a young human woman riding a horse in a hurry hits an elderly woman, seemingly killing her. In a panic, she runs away as no one saw her do it.

Moving on, she arrives for her shift at the second crappiest tavern in town, The Ass Sailor. The sign above the door once said "The Crass Sailor", but vandals pried off two key letters. The name resonated with their patrons and stuck. The tavern sits on the foundation of an old chapel and within the past 100 years was expanded to two levels, the top for rooms and the bottom for a pub.

The tavern is notoriously warm no matter where you sit, leading its patrons to disrobe. A pile of clothes and weapons sit inside to the left of the door. The tavern serves a homemade liquor called Greep, which is nicknamed kindling because of its flammability.

"Val gets right to work, on a night that will prove to be unlike any other."

Player Characters

 * Clothesline, Tabaxi fighter
 * Gryffin Errondil, Eladrin half-elf sorcerer
 * Frankfurt, dwarf paladin
 * Kingston LaForge, drow bard
 * Jayne Merriweather, human cleric

New

 * Unnamed old woman
 * Holly, a mysterious girl
 * Garello AKA Sal, a salamander
 * Kay, a prostitute
 * Valerie, bartender at the Ass Sailor
 * Xavier, manager of the Ass Sailor
 * Zarva, a prostitute

Returning

 * Obby

Mentioned

 * The Chained Oblivion
 * Kord
 * The Lawbearer
 * Sarenrae

Quotations
Kingston: I just want to- Clothesline: So choose the next few words carefully! Kingston: Catnip and chill? Ashly: Can I attack Kingston? Sam: Sure! Clothesline: I'm going to- Sam: She's prone. Ashly: I'm prone? What can I do then? Sam: You can get up and you can Liam: It's half your movement, but you can fuck me up still. Ashly: I can get up? Clothesline: Then I'm going to clothesline that motherfucker there (points to Liam/Jayne) Sam: Great! Roll an attack. Liam: I haven't lost a hit point this entire game. Ashly: NATURAL 20! Mary: Boom, karma's a bitch. Sam: That certainly hits. Roll 1d4+4. Mary: Karma's a beeotch, beeotch beeotch beeotch. Ashly: Come on, baby. Sam: 1d4+4 Ashly: 3+4--7 Sam: Double it, 14. Mary and Ashly: FOURTEEN Liam: Nonononono, 3--the dice are doubled. Sam: OK. 6--it's 10. And you're knocked--you're not knocked prone but- Ashly: Did I take my second action surge? Sam: No, do it. Ashly: I'm gonna clothesline you again! Liam: Do it, do it. Mary: Action surge! Ashly: A NATURAL 20! Liam: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? GET OUT OF THIS BUILDING, GET OUT OF THIS BUILDING. Ashly: (howls) Mary: This die...[inaudible] this die--you could sell this die for millions. Sam: So Clothesline turns around, delivers a right arm clothesline to you--it hurts. Mary: Kaboom. Sam: She kisses her bicep, uses the other arm, left arm clothesline on you. Ashly: Gimme a 4, baby, give me a 4. A FOUR! Sam: A 4! Ashly: And you're prone, motherfucker!
 * Clothesline: You are this close from a claw in your goddamn eye Kingston.
 * Sam: Kingston just saved you. Clothesline, you are alive, it is your turn.

Trivia

 * Although the cast did not necessarily know each other's characters before starting, Sam gave each of them at least one reason to hate someone else's character and one reason to like a character.
 * For instance, Brian was told that Kingston had a cat fetish, that he hated the gods and anyone who loved the gods, and that a dwarf named Frankfurt had slept with his wife. He did not, however, know that Ashly would be playing a Tabaxi, or that Frankfurt was Eric's character.