Transcript:New Homes and Old Friends

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

ALL: (hollering) We play Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT: Like that. Before we get into tonight's episode, we do have some quick announcements to get through, beginning with our first of two sponsors tonight, Skillshare. Sam, if you don't mind.

TRAVIS: What?

LIAM: Oh shit.

TRAVIS: Oh. I guess he wants me to read. Oh, I have papers. This episode is sponsored by Skillshare, an online learning community with thousands of inspiring classes for curious people.

TRAVIS: No?

TALIESIN: No.

TRAVIS: Oh.

ASHLEY: Uh-oh.

TRAVIS: I guess I'm supposed to read in a French accent? Okay.

MATT: This is awful.

TRAVIS: (exaggerated French accent) Skillshare offers amazing classes designed for real life, including graphic design, photography and music. (normal voice) Oh god. (laughter)

TRAVIS: (French accent) Sadly, the one class Sam could not find on this site was miming, (normal voice) which is why he's terrible at it. Go on, Sam, why don't you mime juggling chainsaws? (laughs) What about driving in rush hour traffic? (laughter)

TALIESIN: 10 and two.

TRAVIS: (French accent) Yeah, that's truly terrible, but don't let that dissuade you. With memberships as low as $10 a month, with annual subscription.

LAURA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Boy. Skillshare is a great way to learn and unlock your creativity.

LAURA: (French accent) Be our guest!

TRAVIS: Sam, why don't you try needing to poop with no toilet in sight? (laughter)

TRAVIS: Or how about being birthed by a rhino? (laughter)

TRAVIS: Being birthed by a rhino.

LIAM: What?

ASHLEY: Burped.

TRAVIS: Get through, make it through. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Well done, monsieur. Go check out Skillshare for yourself now at skl.sh/criticalrole4, and thanks for their continued support.

LAURA: Woo! That was amazing.

LIAM: Fucking nightmare fuel.

TRAVIS: Bravo, bravo, monsieur.

LAURA: Why don't you ever get cast for your French accent, baby? That was amazing.

TRAVIS: I have no idea.

LAURA: Wow.

TRAVIS: That was just awful.

MATT: I don't know why, but certain expressions, I went straight to Devil's Rejects. (laughter)

MATT: With that makeup, it's-- I am not going to sleep well tonight, thank you, Sam. And I'm sorry, Skillshare. Our second sponsor, our returning friends, every episode from the beginning of the campaign, D&D Beyond.

ALL: D&D Beyond!

MATT: Of which, now you can add a whole unique selection of digital dice to your D&D Beyond account, which is awesome. It says here, roll using the finest 64-bit metals, with the blacksmith pack, or unleash the power of Medusa on every natural 20, using the mythic dice set. Each dice set is unique and integrated with the D&D Beyond character sheet, so you can roll them with a simple click of any stat, which is actually pretty cool. I prefer the physicality of the dice, personally, but then I saw the actual digital stuff, was like, yeah, that's actually pretty bad ass, especially for online stuff.

LAURA: Yeah, the digital stuff is really awesome.

MATT: So check out these digital dice sets now and more at dndbeyond.link/crdice. Okay, Marisha, you have some announcements, I believe.

MARISHA: I do? Do I now? (laughter)

TRAVIS: Keep it going.

LIAM: Oh boy, another Sam bit. I love these.

MARISHA: Wow, that's not right.

MATT: Hey!

MARISHA: I'm assuming my announcement is--

MATT: (whispering) Talks on September 29th, 7:00pm Pacific.

MARISHA: What? Talks? Yeah, Talks, that's the 29th? At 7:00pm?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: On Tuesday, you know? When Talks is. And it's happening again!

MATT: Episode 111.

MARISHA: It's covering episode 111.

MATT: Be available on YouTube Thursday.

MARISHA: And it will totally be available on YouTube on Thursday.

MATT: And the Critical Role Podcast Network.

MARISHA: And the Critical Role Podcast Network, of course, you know, 36 hours--

TRAVIS: Do it in a French accent.

MARISHA: ("French" accent) In 36 hours!

MATT: Oh yeah!

LIAM: Wow.

TRAVIS: Arguably better than mine. Arguably better.

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: Yeah, Talks, it's back still.

LAURA: Woo!

MATT: Awesome. Thank you, Marisha, well done.

MARISHA: Thank you!

LIAM: We got mime and ventriloquism.

MATT: That's what we're here for.

ASHLEY: Why didn't you ask me to do the French accent? With how amazing I am at-- oh, okay.

LAURA: The whole game tonight.

LIAM: Now, you got to.

MATT: All righty. And we do have one final announcement, a pretty sizable announcement. Ashley, if you wouldn't mind taking it away.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. So, since we started Critical Role, we all have been absolutely blown away by this community's support, and especially when it comes to charity campaigns. So today, we are excited to announce the launch of Critical Role Foundation! (cheering) (clapping) So it's a nonprofit organization with a mission statement that I'm sure some of you will recognize, to leave the world better than we found it.

TRAVIS: Hell yeah.

ASHLEY: So am very excited to serve as the President of CRF, with Matt as our board member.

MATT: One of a number, but the one here.

ASHLEY: Yes, the one here, present. Yes. Okay, so for our first campaign, we have partnered with one of my favorite organizations, First Nations Development Institute, to fund their Native Youth and Culture Fund. I'm sure some of you know that, because of COVID-19, there's been a significant impact on Native communities, and right now, only about 50%, I'm sorry, 15% of applicants to the Native Youth and Culture Fund receive support. And if we reach our goal of $50,000, Critical Role Foundation will be able to fund two nonprofits located at Zuni Pueblo and Cochiti Pueblo for an entire year.

MARISHA: Woo!

ASHLEY: This fund supports grassroots projects that strengthen and renew cultural and spiritual practices, beliefs and values, and helps preserve traditional Native culture to the young people in these tribes. So I'm very excited. To donate and to learn more about CRF and this campaign, check out criticalrolefoundation.org. (cheering) (clapping)

MARISHA: So exciting.

MATT: Thank you so much, Ashley.

TRAVIS: A long time. A long time coming.

MATT: A long time.

ASHLEY: Long time coming.

MATT: I know, like, two plus years in the making, working on this thing.

ASHLEY: Yeah, absolutely.

MATT: But yeah, thank you so much, Ashley, thank all of you for all the generosity and support that you've shown through the years, that have helped us even be further inspired to take this next step in doing good in the world, together with you. So yeah, go check out that stuff. And I think... I think we're ready to jump into tonight's episode of...

TRAVIS: Gonna be in the closet!

MATT: ...Critical Role! Hey everybody! Matthew Mercer and Omar here. Wanted to let you know that, there you go buddy. Let you know that we will not be having an episode next week on October first. We had some unexpected adulting to do. However, do not worry. Everyone is healthy, happy, and safe, but for all programming updates please do check out (laughing) all of our social media accounts or critrole.com/newsletter to sign up for the newsletter. Those will both be your easy bets, so anyway, love you guys very much and we'll see you soon.

(water bubbling) (thunder rumbling) (explosion) ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware because you're about to be dead ♪ ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don't see over there ♪ ♪ There's a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting, rise up, don't think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands, take a chance, ♪ ♪ roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Critical Role (roll the dice) ♪ ♪ Critical Role (roll the dice) ♪ ♪ Ooh, ahh ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call ♪ ♪ Dig in deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it's your turn (your turn, your turn) ♪ ♪ to roll ♪ (flames whooshing)

Part I
MATT: Welcome back. So last we left off: The Mighty Nein, after heading their way towards the capital of Rexxentrum to meet up with Lady Vess DeRogna of the Cerberus Assembly, you discovered that there was interest to the north, the region known as Eiselcross, within the perspective of Vess, and she wished to hire you as both bodyguards and co-delvers within these apparently lost ruins of an ancient pre-Calamity mage city known as Aeor, to the Frozen Wastes in that way. You agreed to this and upon exiting her tower, it seemed that another member of the Assembly was aware of your presence, as a letter was sent to Bren, inviting him and his friends to dinner at the abode... of Trent Ikithon. So you went, gathered some supplies, dressed to the nines and showed up to his tower, where you had a very tense dinner with Trent and the two childhood trainees alongside Caleb as he grew up, Eadwulf and Astrid. This tension-laden dinner, while the food was delicious, led to many conversations, some... darker reveals, and some harsh truth from a Caduceus (laughs) to cap it off. and some harsh truth from a Caduceus (laughs) to cap it off.

LAURA: So good.

MATT: But upon exiting, drinks were had, escaping to a nearby inn, and you were all brought to your chambers, specifically going into one chamber that was rented by Caleb, who was assuring that there was a place to stay that would be comfortable. After paying to have a piece of furniture, much like a closet of some kind, brought to the room, you prepared a spell and, briskly, you watched as the space within this cupboard-like closet began to shimmy and then reveal the interior. As you all step through, invited by Caleb into this space, tell them what they see.

LIAM: (excitedly) Yeah, well, you know, we're all very familiar with the limitations of our world, but we've been to places where those limitations become more malleable. And I have been working on something for all of you. So please, come in, welcome home. As we walk in, you look up and see that we are standing at the bottom of a tall, almost cylindrical, towering room. And all the walls, all nine of them are vast stained glass windows with ornate designs. These are the nine schools of magic. There, that's dunamancy. You can see the dodecahedron at the center of that design. That one there, with Frumpkin in his various forms, that is conjuration. This one up here, with the scales, that is transmutation. And so on and so forth. I walk us forward about 10 or 15 feet to a winding brass staircase that takes us up onto a tower, about 10 feet in the air, with a brass railing around it. And... we are now standing at the same height as the bottom of the windows, and looking up, you can see to the top of the tower, and 40 feet above us, there is another hole, also nine-sided, and you can see through that, beyond to more space, and way past that, you see another hole, nine-sided, and beyond that, it starts to get dimmer, but you can still see another hole and another hole. (laughter) There are nine floors.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

LIAM: Follow me, please. And Caleb steps forward into the center of this platform and begins to-- Just think "up." Just begins to slowly rise up through the center of the room.

TRAVIS: He's levitating?

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: (laughs) (clapping)

LIAM: Come on, come on, don't be shy. There's much to see.

TRAVIS: It's like Hogwarts with the broomsticks.

LAURA: I think I can.

ASHLEY: I think I can, I think I can.

SAM: Can we all do that?

TALIESIN: This is weird.

LIAM: You just think it and it is so, at least in here.

LAURA: Like, think anything or just the directions that we can move?

LIAM: Generally, up or down are the only ones that work, but try anything.

TRAVIS: I'll try and go up and spin as I'm going.

ASHLEY: Any happy, little thought?

MATT: You watch, as you slowly begin to corkscrew upward.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's happening! It's happening, it's fuckin' happening!

LAURA: I'm going to act like I'm swimming, like in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

TALIESIN: I'm going to start trying to do a tuck and roll.

MATT: Just don't bump into the ceiling, it will have to be washed.

LIAM: You're moving at about the same rate you are familiar with when Feather Fall is cast on you.

TALIESIN: Wow.

LIAM: As you pass by all of these windows and reach this hole, you see just the barest bit of brass inside the lining of that hole, but pass through it. As the last of you come in, it's Caduceus, I say, "zu" and a brass metal iris closes around where we came from, shutting it, but we continue to float up a little bit. And now we're in another large chamber, not as tall as the first, but the same nine sides. And you see... well, there are globules everywhere, lighting up the room. Floating maybe five feet off the floor, all around the chamber. This is a very large room, it's empty. There is another ring of globules at the top. You see on every wall, all nine sides, there are beautiful, wooden, Zemnian design, sliding doors, all closed. And, in each of the corners, at the floor level, are little wooden holes or portcullises. Above those sliding doors are little, almost like a wooden aqueduct built into the walls. Little tracks, moving around the room. Some diagonal, some straight.

SAM: With water?

LIAM: No, no, no, just like an aqueduct. We can--

LAURA: Can we roll, like, marbles down them? What is this for, Caleb?

LIAM: We'll get to that, but you can roll marbles down them, if you can reach them.

MARISHA: I pull out a ball bearing.

LAURA: I think "up"!

TRAVIS: Goddamn it.

MARISHA: And I will myself over.

LAURA: Up, up, up!

LIAM: You cannot--

LAURA: Up!

MARISHA: Ball bearing. (laughter)

LIAM: The room is much wider than the hole that we floated out of, so everyone is generally floating in an undefined, invisible column in the center of this much wider space. This is a large hole.

TALIESIN: Are you going to try and toss a ball bearing? Here, Bless.

TRAVIS: You're going to break the tower.

MARISHA: (grunting)

LAURA: (mimicking crashing)

MARISHA: I'm trying to toss a ball bearing in the aqueduct. Definitely made for blood.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and make a d20 roll.

TALIESIN: With a d4.

LAURA: Caleb!

LIAM: Ja?

MATT: Add a d4 and add your dexterity modifier.

LAURA: You made a happy fun ball.

MARISHA: (laughs) Oh boy.

LIAM: It's a different shape, but.

MARISHA: 15.

MATT: 15? It makes it, roughly.

LIAM: Okay, so what would happen is that ball bearing would hit the aqueduct and we'd just hear that little, (creaking) slides down and goes down around, hitting corners as it goes, maybe to three corners, and disappears into a hole.

MARISHA: Oh.

LIAM: And then it comes out a hole on the floor level on the other side, and rolls off into the center of the room, hitting the brass, closed brass iris at the center of this floor. And we float up through, and we are now in a massive three-story library.

LAURA and MARISHA: (gasp)

LIAM: This is the salon. This is where we will spend a lot of time together. It's three levels of libraries, with steps, wooden, spiraling steps, going up in different places. It is not symmetrical. There are different areas on the floor level in here, not in the center, because there is a hole. You would not put furniture in a hole. There are chaise lounges and fainting couches and comfy chairs and a beautiful fireplace, with a fire crackling in it already. Above the fireplace is a stained glass window, the length of the fireplace, and the glass is in a pattern and color and design that immediately brings to mind Mollymauk's coat.

MARISHA: Oh!

LAURA: Wow.

LIAM: All around the room, you see, on different levels, other little reading nooks and cozy corners. On the second floor, on one side, you see maps hanging from the wall and a large wooden table in the shape of the continent of Wildemount. There are globules floating around. Hidden amongst the lining of the library shelves are more of these wooden tracks, there are holes on the bottom level, the second level, the third level.

LAURA: What's it for, Caleb? What's it for?

MARISHA: Wait--

TRAVIS: Urine, urine.

LAURA: Also, do the books actually have anything in them? Are they blank books, are they real books?

LIAM: They are real books. They're all books that I have read.

LAURA: Wow, you've read a lot of books.

TRAVIS: In your mind? Books you've read in your keen mind? Like, they're just there?

LIAM: There may be some duplicates, it's a lot of books.

TRAVIS: Oh fuck!

MATT: (laughs)

LIAM: But not many.

LAURA: Think of all the dicks I can draw.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Caleb, this is stunning. How long have you been working on this?

LIAM: Who, me or Liam?

TRAVIS: Oh! (laughter)

TALIESIN: Both, actually.

TRAVIS: Both, yeah.

LIAM: Liam, for over a year.

TRAVIS: Wow.

LIAM: Well, since... since I was not able to stop the three of you from being taken from us, I have been working it out. One step at a time, you know. The dome is-- I love the dome. We will still use the dome; I cannot always do this. This takes a lot of time and attention and focus, but I wanted to do better.

SAM: Is it always here? I mean, with you? Like, does it disappear when we leave?

LAURA: Yeah, is it like your little amber?

TALIESIN: Do we have to steal this wardrobe?

TRAVIS: Yeah, do we need a closet?

LIAM: No. The doorway to this, right now, we are about one centimeter off of our current reality. We're very... it's funny, we're actually very small right now. It doesn't feel that way, but we are. The doorway, as soon as I closed it behind us, is invisible to the proprietors of the inn. If we are ever somewhere on the side of a mountain or at the beach and I open the doorway there, it will remain there, usable only by us, and if I close the door, no one else will see it. So we have a tiny little place to hide.

TRAVIS: Usable only by us, no one could stumble upon it, into it?

LIAM: Well.

TRAVIS: By accident.

LIAM: It's hard to, it would be difficult. It's not impossible.

ASHLEY: Can they be invited in?

LIAM: Yeah. Yeah, they could be invited in.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

LAURA: So we have bedrooms?

LIAM: Ja, you do have bedrooms.

SAM: Oh, what floor is that on?

TRAVIS: Was that on the second floor, with the doors?

SAM: We're already on the third floor.

LIAM: Fifth floor.

SAM: Oh, yeah.

LIAM: We can come back here later, it's very late, but this has been bouncing around the inside of my skull for such a long time. Come, come on.

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: (swooshing)

TRAVIS: Up! (laughter)

LIAM: Floating up through--

MATT: I love the idea of Fjord, every time he goes, just says it, "Up?" Like bat!

TRAVIS: I say "Eldritch Blast," let's go. All right? (laughter)

MATT: I love it.

ASHLEY: Eldritch Blast.

TRAVIS: Bat!

MATT: (wings flapping)

MARISHA: So good. Human form.

TRAVIS: I love it so much.

LIAM: All right, so as the group levitates up out of the salon into what is the fifth floor, the lower bed chambers, we're in a very small nine-sided room. This says N-E-I-N everywhere, it says Nein. For what it's worth.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

LIAM: We're in a small wooden chamber, nine sides, and split evenly amongst those nine sides, there are three doors. Don't pay this one any mind, this is a guest bedroom.

LAURA: Insight check. (laughter)

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: Roll some dice.

TRAVIS: I think it's, "Do I believe him?" Is the question.

LAURA: Do I believe him? 20.

SAM: (gasps)

LIAM: (sighs) You don't know. He opens the door and inside, you see a very nondescript fireplace, cozy. Zemnian, wooden furniture and architecture. Again, there is a small side table next to the fireplace, with a stack of five books on it. Several cozy chairs, some water in a pitcher. And then, a door, leading into another section. You could inspect the entire guest chambers if you wish.

LAURA: No, that's okay, I'll just inspect my room.

LIAM: Good, that's where the bodies are. (door closing) Caduceus, this one with the scarab beetle on the door is your room, please come in.

TALIESIN: It's a very tall door. (clearing throat) (laughter)

LIAM: It's not that tall a door.

TALIESIN: Oh.

LIAM: But the furniture is quite large in the next room. It is more accommodating to your size than you're used to, traveling with us, for the most part. In this room is another fireplace, with a fire burning, and a stained glass window. This one, depicting the story of Clay, Stone, and Dust. On the left, beasts of the wild, within a cavern of red and gold. At the center is a pool of water, surrounded by caverns of crystal and plants and flowers growing about it, all in glass. At the right, a pool of fiery magma within a cavern of obsidian.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but give us the details. (laughter)

LIAM: Furniture is simple, wooden, firbolg-sized. It is reminiscent, the furniture in this room, of your graveyard home, from the brief glimpse we had inside. There is a tea station in the corner, and that pot is endless boiling water.

TRAVIS: Fuck.

LAURA: Oh my gosh. I want to go back and re-describe my outfit that I was wearing last game. (laughter)

LIAM: I push open an inner door and we find another room. This room doesn't seem like a room, it is filled with an eclectic assortment of fungi, crystal formations, ferns, and other plants.

LAURA: So many fun guys in here!

LIAM: There is--

MARISHA: It's a frat party!

LIAM: A potted plant that is home to a small colony of bioluminescent beetles that are crawling around on it now.

LAURA: What?!

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

LIAM: I push through and within is a very large four-post bed that is firbolg-sized. There is a brass bathtub in here, and you can see steam rising off of hot water in it.

TALIESIN: Oh, oh no.

MARISHA: Can I have Caduceus' room?

TALIESIN: Nope. (laughter)

LIAM: Just you wait.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: Next, next, come, come. Happy birthday, everyone. Caleb leads everybody back into the central chamber. Oh jeez, don't fall. Zu, and the iris goes (swooshing) and shuts.

TRAVIS: Zu.

LAURA: (mimics sneezing)

SAM: Is this like Star Wars Land, where some of the attractions aren't open yet? (laughter)

LIAM: Come back in 2021. (laughter) There is lilacs on a door here and that is yours, Yasha. Please, come in. This is your room. Also, a fireplace. Notice the theme. The stained glass above the fireplace depicts the symbol of the Storm Lord against a clouded background with gray and lavender flowers along the bottom edge, hints of lightning, of course, always hidden in the clouds. This room is exploding with flowers. There are pressed flowers hanging on the walls, there are vases of flowers, there are potted plants. Everywhere, you cannot see the walls in here, you can only see a single door, which leads in here. This room is far emptier. There is a simple straw mat upon the floor, and the wall wrapping all around it, is a very familiar sight to you and you, it is the mural that you painted for Yasha, but as we all sort of crowd in at the doorway and look at it, the flowers shift in the breeze.

SAM: Ooh!

LIAM: Just a little bit, just ever so slightly breathe.

ASHLEY: Come on. Come on.

LIAM: Here's your bedroom over here, more pressed flowers surrounding the room. The bedding is reminiscent of Xhorhasian design. There is, in addition to the same brass tub of steaming water and the four-post bed, there is a terrarium full of insects, which are either for viewing or possibly snacks, depending on what you're in the mood for.

ASHLEY: I'm just going to, real quick-- can I?

LIAM: They're yours for the taking.

ASHLEY: Oh! (laughter) Sweet and a little spicy, a little, you know, peppery kick at the end.

SAM: It's a dung beetle. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh, a little cream-filled one. (laughter)

LIAM: Come, come, come with me. I lead us all back out into the center of the lower bed chambers, and I just leave you all, I just start hovering up into the next floor. Up here, are three doorways. On them is a small gate, an anchor and the symbol of the Cobalt Soul.

TRAVIS: (grunts in joy)

MARISHA: (laughs)

LIAM: I push open the doorway to Fjord's bedroom. The stained glass above the fireplace warmly depicts a sailing vessel at sea. The walls of all three rooms are designed to look like the insides of a ship. There are porthole windows spaced out all throughout the quarters, but the glass is thick and opaque, you can't really see through them. Oh, I should mention, down below, maybe another time, we're moving too quickly.

TRAVIS: We don't have to be, really.

TALIESIN: I'll take the whole game for this. I'm really into it.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: All of these rooms, these sitting rooms that you've seen in all these rooms, have the same little rounded table with a stack of five books on them. They are all the same five books. But Fjord, if you're paying attention, if you see your side table with the five books, you see, peeking out from under it, the same design from the altar top of Dashilla's briny lair. Just as a reminder.

TRAVIS: Shit. Thank you for that.

LIAM: Next, right, pushing open the inner doorway--

MATT: Dietetics? (laughter)

LIAM: These rooms all-- we enter into a sitting room, and then there's a door to the right, which leads into a unique room and then another door past. The quarters sort of curve around this nine-sided donut until it hits an end. Your center room is very sparse. It is a meditation room for you. There is a mat laid out here as well. On the wall there is hanging an old, yellowed map of the waters and islands of the Menagerie Coast. Standing before the opposite wall is a stone statue of the Wild Mother, who is draped with curling ivy and vine around her, growing. Through here is your bedroom. There is a similar four-post bed. The steaming tub of brass, but there is also a hammock bolted into the ceiling here, like you're accustomed to sleeping in, in your sailing days.

TRAVIS: The ship, yes.

SAM: Look, Fjord, there's a stack of two-pound weights for you to do your exercises with. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Thankfully. (laughter)

LIAM: You can get jacked later, Captain. Beauregard, let me show you your room.

MATT: You press the button on the side to...

TRAVIS: (machine buzzing)

LIAM: I push into the doorway with the symbol of the Cobalt Soul on it, and we see another fireplace and the stained glass above it is a picture of the Mighty Nein, standing with their backs to the viewer, looking off into the hills and fields of the Empire. The same five books on a side table, comfortable furniture. I push into the middle room and you see, mostly empty, but there is sashes in Cobalt blue, draped around the room, there are three bo staffs, hanging decoratively on one wall. There is a polished wooden fighting post in one corner, with blue bands wrapped around it. There is a writing desk and quills and a stack of blank paper for you. It's not--

MARISHA: Perfect.

LIAM: The quality is just okay.

MARISHA: It's just--

LIAM: But it's serviceable.

MARISHA: I've been through so many notebooks, it's appreciated.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LIAM: Here is your bedroom. Four-post bed, all done in blue, of course, same bathtub. Do me a favor. Lie down on the bed. We're all at the doorway, go lie on the bed.

TRAVIS: Go lie on the bed! Be a good sport.

LIAM: Okay, there is a blue, like, sash or rope hanging just above your shoulder there, pull it down.

LAURA: Pull the rope!

LIAM: It actually slides forward. You are immediately looking at yourself in a mirror, built into the roof of the four-post bed.

SAM: Hot. Super hot. (laughter)

TRAVIS: What?!

SAM: Super hot.

TRAVIS: Whoa. Whoa!

LAURA: That is amazing.

TRAVIS: Whoa! (laughs) Look at her!

LIAM: We are friends, you and I. (laughter)

ASHLEY: I go peek under the canopy. That's going to be useful.

SAM: Oh, oh, oh, oh!

TRAVIS: (alarm whoop) (laughter)

LIAM: Meet us outside in a minute.

MARISHA: (sighing)

LIAM: And I push everyone out.

LAURA: (squealing) (laughter)

MARISHA: You're my best friend, Caleb.

LIAM: (ascending tone) Ooop!

TRAVIS: Are we out and up a floor?

LIAM: Oh shoot! I was so excited.

LIAM: (descending tone) Ooop.

LAURA: What about the gate?

TRAVIS: Down!

LIAM: That's you.

LAURA: I'm the gate?

LIAM: You are the gate, that is the arch.

LAURA: Oh, it's an arch! I thought it was, like, a gate-gate.

LIAM: No, it's the symbol hanging on your chain.

LAURA: Awesome!

LIAM: Okay, anyway, opening the door. The doorway, by the way, and the one that leads further in have little gemstones sort of built into the sides of it, subtly reminiscent of the Traveler's gate. It's too much, too much, too much. Okay, so here we are, we're inside. Fireplace crackling, the stained glass above your fire depicts the coastal cityscape of Nicodranas. The Chateau visible and a small, red figure on the balcony, arm outstretched towards the water.

LAURA: Mama!

LIAM: The decor and furniture in this room is not Zemnian, it is recreating the decor and design of the Lavish Chateau.

LAURA: (gasps)

LIAM: Same five books.

LAURA: What are the books? I start looking at the books!

TRAVIS: Ask the question!

LAURA: Of course I'm going to ask, I'm looking at my own now!

MARISHA: Tusk Love.

LAURA: What is this book, what is this book?

LIAM: One of them is Tusk Love, that is correct. (laughter) Oh dear, where'd they go? Where'd they go?

TRAVIS: What are my books this semester?

MARISHA: What are all the ones that we've had?

LAURA: The Daring Trials and Tribulations--

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: Tusk Love. You read The Courting of the Crick.

MARISHA: Oh yes!

LIAM: You find something called Der Katzenprinz. It looks to be some sort of illustrated Zemnian children's story. Change and the Potentials of Transmutability.

MARISHA: Everyone's interests.

LIAM: And something that says, Die Waldhexe und andere Zemnische Volksmärchen. That's children's fairytales.

TRAVIS: The vortex?

MARISHA: Oh, it's the vortex! Hell yes!

LIAM: Okay, so--

SAM: Zemnian fairytales, by the way, are dark.

LAURA: They're dark.

LIAM: They're very dark.

SAM: Kids get their thumbs chopped off and stuff.

ASHLEY: Om nom nom nom nom.

TALIESIN: Bless you.

LIAM: Only the lucky ones.

TRAVIS: Om nom nom nom nom! (laughter)

TALIESIN: That's all I wanted, Sam, thank you.

MATT: Yeah, the green, long-legged clipper man? (laughter)

TALIESIN: Those shears.

MATT: Yeah. (laughs)

LIAM: Caleb pushes open the next doorway, and inside, everybody sees a very well-stocked art studio. There are--

LAURA: (gasps)

LIAM: -- paints and chalks and ink and lots of paper, still subpar, but serviceable. There are painting easels and canvases that sit, waiting for creation. The walls in here are all blank. In fact, the room is pure white and ready to be whatever you choose to make it.

LAURA: I love it, Caleb, thank you. If I put the paintings in here, they'll stay when we leave?

LIAM: If you wish.

LAURA: Okay. There is also a small, lovely side table in this room, full of pastries and a bowl of blueberries in the corner.

LAURA: I will never get hungry while I'm painting!

LIAM: And then in here is your bedroom. As you walk in, you see almost a recreation of the bedroom that you just showed to all of us the night before, but it is more of an homage, it is more of an updated version of your room. It has all the same elements, but this is... equal parts whimsy and elegance. There are all the same shelves of books here. The colors of the spines of the books look exactly as you remember. The windows in this room match the windows in your old room, but since we are not in Nicodranas, they are actually all stained glass, recreating those views that you saw from your room.

LAURA: Oh, wow.

LIAM: There are a small selection of framed art pieces on the walls, mirroring a few of those bits of art on your wall, so there is one of a very early sketch that you did, framed in a wooden portrait, and then one of the most detailed is there. There is also a portrait of your mother on the wall. Three lanterns hang about the room, illuminating it. (singing) You too also have to look at-- you see your canopy bed. And it is just as frilly, but again, it is a little more sumptuous and refined. But I want you to, just like Beauregard, it's not a mirror, lie down and look at the top.

LAURA: Hop, hop, hop.

SAM: It's a picture of Beauregard. (laughter)

LIAM: It's just an endless Beauregard looking at Beauregard looking at Beauregard looking at Beauregard looking at Beauregard.

MATT: Wait a second, is this an actual live feed of Beauregard? Oh no. (laughter)

LIAM: It is the same painting that you did of Nicodranas, the lighthouse and the sea, but like in Yasha's room, the painting is undulating ever so imperceptibly, and as you stare at it for a moment, you start to quietly hear sounds of the city and of the ocean.

SAM: Ooh.

MARISHA: Hmm.

LIAM: A simple illusion.

LAURA: It's wonderful, thank you.

LIAM: One room left.

SAM: Oh, yes! I can't wait.

LIAM: Yeah, come.

SAM: But it's not on this floor though.

LIAM: No--

SAM: I get my own floor?

LIAM: Almost, you have to split it with me, if that's okay. (laughter)

LIAM: And I lead them out and start to hover up.

SAM: Up!

TRAVIS: Up.

LAURA: Up! (laughter)

LIAM: There are three doors here. One is just a simple wooden door. And then, the other two, one, the wood is stained, just a hint, green, and the other one is stained, just a hint, there's veins of amber running through the wood. I push open the ever-so-slightly green door and we see another room, where the furniture, most of it, is halfling-sized, much smaller. And there are one or two chairs for people that are as tall as Caduceus or Yasha, say. The fireplace's stained glass depicts three halflings, walking up a country road among wildflowers. It is very clearly you and your family.

SAM: Love it.

LIAM: The furniture, as I said, all smaller. By the fire, there is the table with the books, but there is also an earthen container, holding a variety of walking sticks. All around the room are glass bowls and little open jewelry boxes, filled with either colorful gemstones, but primarily buttons.

SAM: Ooh! So many trinkets.

LIAM: There is in the same direction, a door that leads to your bedroom over there, but there is another door on the other side.

SAM: Oh!

LIAM: We'll get to that in a moment.

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: I push through and you see a child's room.

SAM: (gasps)

LIAM: Full of toys, hobby horses, stuffed dolls in various forms that Frumpkin can take. Game boards, playing cards, lots of things that you can shoot, because the boy's building a habit.

LAURA: And Luc's standing there going, "Help, Mom, I don't know where I am!"

SAM: He's been here for months! (laughter)

LIAM: There is a proper painting, oil painting of the Brenatto family, hanging on the wall. As I push through into your bedroom, another four-post bed that is smaller than the rest. Same tub, but Caleb runs over to the side of the bed and I pull out a sliding bed from under the first.

SAM: Ooh!

LIAM: So, you know.

SAM: Like a trundle.

LIAM: Yes, so if Luc is ever, you know, frightened and wants to be at your side, he can be here.

SAM: That's great!

LIAM: But if you and Yeza ever need some quiet time, well, he can sleep with all of his archery equipment.

SAM: Amazing!

LAURA: Could you add, like, a sex swing in here, and a whole bunch of toys? Because I have a feeling Nott-- Veth--

LIAM: Fjord, you could lend her your sex swing.

TRAVIS: I don't know if that's going to be possible. (laughter) Unless, you know, everything just cleans itself every time we leave.

LIAM: It actually does.

TRAVIS: Oh, any time! You just let me know.

LIAM: Caleb, in a burst of energy, pushes back through the group and says, now this is for you and me, and I push through the door on the other side of your sitting room and enter a large laboratory and study. There is a giant slate on the wall, with chalk markings already on it, and there is a slate on the ground and there are tables with alchemical equipment and paper everywhere. Unfortunately, subpar with the quality again, but-- Good. It's good paper. This is for myself and for you and for Yeza, if he wants to do any work here.

SAM: This is incredible. What if I make a mistake, though, and create a bit of a blaze. Won't that affect all of your papers and your books and things?

LIAM: Well, the beauty about this place is that it is not exactly real. So if you paint a dick on the wall and you're not that happy with it, or if you burn down your bed, when we come back again, they will all be here. And if you would rather have a sex swing instead of your bed, you will have a sex swing. (fingers clicking) (laughter)

SAM: It's all a girl wants.

LAURA: But if we want to keep it here, we can keep it here.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Visual-wise.

LIAM: Mm-hmm. If you want anything different, if I have missed anything, if I have guessed incorrectly at your, you know, your passions or your tastes, then please let me know.

SAM: You guessed perfectly. I mean, it seems--

MARISHA: Perfect.

TALIESIN: This is very impressive.

SAM: Amazingly suited for us.

ASHLEY: It's perfect.

MARISHA: Where do we eat together?

LIAM: Oh!

TRAVIS: Up!

LIAM: We skipped a room, I was in such a hurry, and we zoomed right past it. I start to lower down and I believe I left a couple of those irises closed, so as we're going down I say, auf. Auf, and before the bed chambers-- Sorry, Liam is so nervous-- there is another small, wooden-- nonagonal? Would it be "nonagonal"?

SAM: Nonagonal?

LIAM: Nonagonol.

MARISHA: Nine-sided.

LIAM: Another nine-sided room. There is a single door in here and I push it open and we are looking into a large, almost pie-wedged room shape, where it just spreads out to the sides, and there is a large dining table in front of a very large, crackling fire. No stained glass here. There are buffet tables, side tables, piled high with food already. There are doors, large swinging doors, on each side of this pie-shaped room. But don't-- don't go in there too much, it's busy back in there.

LAURA: I go in there. (laughter)

TALIESIN: I follow.

LIAM: Do you go left or right? To the door on the left or to the right?

LAURA: The right.

TRAVIS: Astral Dreadnought.

LAURA: The right, yeah. (laughs)

TALIESIN: I'll go to the left.

LIAM: Okay, so--

TRAVIS: "Don't go back there."

LIAM: You walk into a large kitchen that smells instantly of baking and pastries and cakes and cupcakes and puddings and sugars. And there are cats everywhere.

TRAVIS: What?

LIAM: There are cats the size of tigers, that are just large, spectral, amber cats, and one cat walks right past you. And on top of its tail is a tray of muffins. And it just walks right by.

ASHLEY: Come on!

LIAM: And little cats go running and you see one cat go running up one of these wooden aqueduct slides and then disappears into a hole in the wall.

ALL: Oh!

ASHLEY: That's how they get around!

LIAM: You walk into a kitchen yourself, but in here, there are roaring fires and large pots with the smells of vegetables and meats cooking in this room. Both of you, as you are taking in the sight of many, many cats and all of this food--

LAURA: Are they cats with hands? Because, how do they actually cook? Do all the cats have people hands?

TRAVIS: (mimicking sneezing)

LIAM: You see another cat--

SAM: Another question: Do they have buttholes? (laughter)

LIAM: We will put it to the test. You see one of the larger cats, the tail wrap around a stove and just go (swooshing) and open it up.

SAM: With their tails?

LIAM: Another cat's tail pushes, like, a large wooden pizza oven tray and pulls out loaves of bread and then just maneuvers and carries it in and rests it down on the table.

LAURA: With their tails?

ASHLEY: Oh my goodness.

TRAVIS: Do these cats shed?

SAM: Yeah, I don't think a health inspector would like this very much.

TALIESIN: I'm just going to close the door.

MATT: On the wall, there's a large blue "C."

TRAVIS: If I could get some Benadryl in my room, that'd be great.

TALIESIN: I don't know what I expected.

LAURA: Caleb, is this above or below our bedrooms?

LIAM: Below.

LAURA: Below.

LIAM: Below.

LAURA: Okay, could I have installed in my room, like, a little dummy elevator that can just send food directly up to my room if ever I'm hungry in the middle of the night?

LIAM: It's already there. When you return to your rooms this evening to retire, next to the fireplace, there is a red rope pull. If you pull that, it will summon one of the smaller cats, but you have to let them in. There is a little metal brass doorway on the floor, and there's just a little latch, so you just open the latch--

LAURA: That's what the little doors are for?

LIAM: Pull open the door and the cat will bring you whatever that you ask it.

LAURA: Amazing.

ASHLEY: Oh, it's a little door.

LAURA: I love it.

SAM: Wow.

LAURA: This is the best happy fun ball I've ever been in.

LIAM: Well, I learned a lot from that place and this is probably 1000th of the size of that, but, you know, live and learn.

SAM: Can we open these irises or do you have to show us around all the time?

LIAM: Come back to the central chamber. Okay, so if you want to close it, you have to say zu.

SAM: Zu.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: And then, auf?

LIAM: It just went (mimics swooshing). Yeah, auf is to open it.

SAM: Auf and zu.

LAURA: Auf.

MARISHA: Auf.

TALIESIN: Zu.

MARISHA: Shoe.

TALIESIN: Auf.

LIAM: So, for instance, here, come with me. And Caleb just plummets down through the holes and I lead us down to the second floor, which is the large empty room. So this room-- and I start speaking presentationally and walking away from the center of the room-- is very large and you can do a great many things in here. For instance, if you want to have an archery contest, and I slide open two of the wooden doors and you see what looks like a walk-in closet, but there are targets lined up and arrows hanging on the walls and bows. Or, forget that, and I shut the door. Maybe you want to have a party. Maybe we are going to have some people over and we want to show them a good time. I open it up and you see stacked glasses of champagne in the same space. So none of this stuff can come with us out of here, because it's not real, but it's real here. (swooshing)

SAM: We should've brought Trent here.

TALIESIN: If we leave real things in here, do they vanish or do they...?

LIAM: (sighing)

TALIESIN: There's only one way to find out, I suppose?

LIAM: Well, I've never been in here before.

TALIESIN: Me neither. (laughter)

LIAM: I have only thought about it a great deal. So I don't know, it would be an experiment.

TALIESIN: We'll find out.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: Let's just leave one small thing that that's not alive. Ooh! We'll leave your pet in here.

LAURA: No!

SAM: And that way, if it's ejected at the end, it won't matter.

TRAVIS: You said my room had three portholes, but I can't see anything past the glass. And then, you said there's something down below, but never mind. What were you talking about?

LIAM: When?

TRAVIS: When we were in my room. About me.

LIAM: "Something down below."

TRAVIS: Yeah, and you mentioned there was a porthole and there was nothing--

LIAM: Oh, just--

TRAVIS: Just Uk'otoa.

LIAM: Just the view in the entry hall.

SAM: (whispers) Uk'otoa.

TRAVIS: Gotcha.

LIAM: That's all. This whole place is very slowly turning.

TRAVIS: All the time?

LIAM: All of the time. It's very slow though.

TRAVIS: You said we're very, very small, about a centimeter from where we are in reality.

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: That doesn't mean that we can be influenced from the outside, can we?

LIAM: No.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LIAM: No, we are apart from reality until we walk through the door.

LAURA: Why are we tiny?

LIAM: Well, that's just part of the magic of it, Jester.

SAM: Does this place have a name?

LIAM: This is Widogast's Nascent Nein-Sided Tower.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

ASHLEY: Awesome! (clapping) (laughter)

TRAVIS: Spell "nascent," bitch. (laughter)

LIAM: I'll have to read it, because I can't remember.

SAM: It would have more of an alliteration if it were Nott's Nascent Nine-Sided Tower. I'm just saying.

LIAM: Ah, but then you would have to create it, wouldn't you?

SAM: You can teach me.

LIAM: N-A-S-C-E-N-T.

LAURA: I'm not writing that down.

LIAM: That's fine.

TRAVIS: Widowgast's Nascent Nine-Sided Tower.

SAM: The only drawback is there's only one bathroom. Sorry. (laughter)

TALIESIN: One bathroom, one sink.

SAM: (laughs) Yep.

LAURA: Anytime we have to pee, we just have to think about there being a toilet and there will be one, right?

LIAM: Well, there is a chamberpot in your room, but if you want to come down here and open one of these closets, yeah, you could.

LAURA: Oh, that's good.

LIAM: If you wanted to pee in a tuba--

LAURA: So if you need to take a massive-- (laughs)

LIAM: -- you'd just hope for a tuba.

TRAVIS: In a tuba?

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: Pee in tubas.

LIAM: Well.

SAM: This is incredible.

LIAM: Anyway.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: This is amazing, Caleb.

MARISHA: This is amazing.

LIAM: Well, you are all amazing. And it wasn't that long ago that I would have trouble admitting that, but I would not be here without you people. And I value you. And there's not much I can do. I cannot do a pushup like this one does. I do not know anything about horticulture. I couldn't find my way around the ocean. I don't have an ounce of your flair and creativity.

LAURA: Obviously, yes you do, because you just made this.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah.

LAURA: So come up with something else that I do that's cool, because you just took mine.

LIAM: You're hilarious.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: I could not scare the ever living shit out of people the way you do.

ASHLEY: Thank you.

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Crunch. (laughter)

LAURA: You just have the bugs in your pocket. (laughter)

LIAM: And you are my best friend, so.

SAM: It's going to be so fun to romp around this place with all of you.

MARISHA: Are the walls... thick? Can you-- Can you hear through walls?

TRAVIS: Okay.

MARISHA: It's a valid question.

TRAVIS: Just calm down a little bit. We just got here.

MARISHA: I just want to make sure.

LIAM: Well, the outer walls--

SAM: Are you a loud masturbator?

LIAM: There is nothing outside of them except for a pocket dimension, but if you're speaking about your bedroom, I believe they will suffice. And if you would like, the next time I create this, I can line your walls with lead or cotton or, you know. (laughter)

SAM: Or that soundproofing stuff?

MARISHA: Excellent.

LIAM: Mm-hmm, yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, good to know.

LIAM: Some of that egg crate-y stuff that they had at the V.O. community.

MARISHA: Oh, right.

SAM: Yes, they did. (laughter)

TRAVIS: You said this costs you a great deal, it requires focus.

LIAM: Well, it's-- I can either whisk us from one side of the planet to the other, or I can bring this into existence.

SAM: Oh, it costs magic, but you don't have to spend 1000 gold every time we come home or anything.

LIAM: No, just the man hours it took me conceiving of it. But no.

SAM: It was worth it, it's so excellent. Wow.

ASHLEY: Yeah, this is incredible.

SAM: Well, should we have a cat dinner and retire for the evening?

LIAM: Well, it would be second dinners, but we could have a drink.

SAM: Oh, did we already eat?

LIAM: With, yeah.

SAM: Oh, that's right. That was today.

LIAM: Yeah. Let's go to the salon.

LAURA: We didn't really eat. Most of us didn't eat there.

TRAVIS: Up!

ASHLEY: I didn't eat.

LIAM: Anything that you would like. Yeah, oh, all right, well, let's pass the salon, we'll go to dinner.

LAURA: And I didn't get dessert, you know? We had steak, but what is steak without some cake after it?

MARISHA: I almost asked him about dessert, but I felt like, you know, I didn't want to stay any longer.

LAURA: We overstayed our welcome.

TALIESIN: Oh, dessert in a doggy bag would've been a great--

MARISHA: I know.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

TALIESIN: That would have been amazing.

MARISHA: Brilliant wizard, didn't think about a doggy bag. (laughter)

ASHLEY: I'm really mad I didn't try that steak.

TALIESIN: Not so smart.

LAURA: It's okay, I bet you can try it here.

SAM and ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: Maybe we can think about exactly the flavors that it was.

MARISHA: And we can recreate it.

SAM: Tell the cats to make you up a steak. I'm sure they're great cooks.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: All right, so we all sit at that table then, the large table on the dining level, which is in the giant pie-shaped-- it's one piece of the nine-sided shape of the tower. And I pick up a little bell. And... streams of amber cats come running into the room.

TRAVIS: (mimicking sneezing) (laughter)

LIAM: No, they are--

TRAVIS: Hypoallergenic?

LIAM: They are fey.

TRAVIS: Brilliant.

LIAM: And the table on both sides has little corgi ramps up the side. So the cats just pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip, pip. And--

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LIAM: -- amongst the plates and the beautiful goblets around us, there are little orange tails just walking around.

TALIESIN: Are the cats in formal wear?

ASHLEY: (mimicking cat)

TALIESIN: Their little bow ties.

LIAM: No, they are not dressed.

TRAVIS: Next time.

LIAM: That would be ridiculous, Caduceus. (laughter) (clapping)

LAURA: Do any of them play instruments?

LIAM: Methuselah!

TRAVIS: "Methuselah"! (laughter)

TALIESIN: I'm dying.

TRAVIS: Do they have buttholes? (laughter)

TALIESIN: How else can they play the tuba? Be serious. (laughter)

TRAVIS: True.

LIAM: Methuselah, bring your violin and your butthole.

ASHLEY: Where's Mr. Mistoffelees?

LAURA and ASHLEY: Aww.

LIAM: (sighs) He's further back in.

ASHLEY: That's a Cats character, right?

MARISHA: Yes. Magical Mr. Mistoffelees.

TRAVIS: We still haven't watched it, we need to watch that.

LAURA: Wait, wait, I'm trying to think the name of the one, Rum Tum.

MARISHA: Rum Tum Tugger.

MATT: Rum Tum Tugger. Nah.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

ASHLEY: That's quite a name.

MATT: Yeah, that's a lot of the Cats experience. "That's quite a name." (laughter)

TRAVIS: (sighing)

MARISHA: Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat.

LIAM: So a larger-- a larger amber cat, that is the size of a tiger, and a smaller one come walking in together. The larger cat's tail is carrying a violin and the smaller cat is carrying the bow. They stand next to Yasha. The larger cat's tail extends out and holds the violin and the smaller one's tail goes up and starts playing the violin that the other is holding. And you can see a small fairy butthole on the smaller cat as it plays.

SAM: Yes, it's flexing every time.

ASHLEY: I have a feeling they play much better than I do. (laughter) With my low...

TRAVIS: I bet they'll follow your lead.

LAURA: That's true, if you want to join them.

TRAVIS: Throw in some harmony.

LIAM: Shanks, I believe we want--

TALIESIN: Now, you have a band. (laughter)

SAM: Fucking weird.

TRAVIS: He's been in prison.

LIAM: I believe we would like dessert.

TRAVIS: A super dangerous cat.

ASHLEY: Could I-- ever since I had them on the boat, could I just get some pancakes? Just, like, a stack of them? Oh.

SAM: Oh wow. (laughter)

MARISHA: We got braids, we got pancakes, oh man!

ASHLEY: We are in the groove.

ASHLEY: Yasha, as you say that to Caleb, there is a cat right in front of you and you hear it go (purring) and it just runs off the table and disappears into a hole in the wall. And, 30 seconds later, the double doors open up and that cat and three others behind it come out with little plates of pancakes, held impossibly on a curved tail. They walk up the little corgi ramp onto the table and set them down in front of you. And they had a feeling about you, so there are pancakes in front of you as well.

MARISHA: Kitty cats-- Do I talk to you when I address the cats? Kitty cats, who do I talk to?

LIAM: It's up to you. Whatever you're comfortable with, Beauregard.

MARISHA: I request to the cats, some of some Lionett Wine.

LIAM: Some Lionett wine?

MARISHA: Can they do that? Here, I hand them a little sample.

LAURA: (laughs)

MARISHA: Re-create that! I want to see what they can do.

LIAM: The cat tail again, like an octopus' tentacle, just this cat tail wraps around it and it's lifted, and that cat-- (mrrp)-- runs off the table and disappears. And then a little, almost like a triangle pyramid of bowling pins, 10 cats come in with wine bottles and then another 10 come in with wine glasses, because this is for cocktails. So wine starts to be poured from cats in front of everyone.

MARISHA: How'd they get so many varieties from that one sample? Oh wow.

SAM: Complicated flavor.

LIAM: None of it will be here in the morning. Also, you'll notice the clocks on the walls in here-- and you're seeing them for the first time-- those are on every floor and in your chambers, they are beautiful, a little sort of... whimsical clockwork, clocks, where there is a sun and a moon and it is the-- it shows the time in the location where we left. So if we came here on the dead of night, as you can see, the moon is on high on that clock and we will be able to easily keep track. I mean, for me, I don't need it, but for you, you can remember how long we've been in here.

TALIESIN: I was going to ask, does time move the same way in here, is time relative?

LIAM: I believe it is relative, but the clocks are locked to the Material Plane we are familiar with.

TALIESIN: So if things-- if we are here, the time should move at the same time?

LIAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Okay, yeah.

TRAVIS: Not like the Happy Fun Ball.

LIAM: No, I mean that is-- I might pore over books my entire life and not achieve that.

TALIESIN: Oh, is there a time limit, too?

LIAM: Ah yeah, 24 hours.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's fine.

LAURA: That's a good amount of time.

ASHLEY: I take some bugs out of my pocket. Start pulling off legs and things, and sprinkling it on top of the pancakes. (laughter)

MARISHA: Can I have one of those?

LAURA: Ooh!

MARISHA: Yasha, can I have one of those bugs? I don't know if I've ever tried one.

ASHLEY: You're going to love it, it's like putting bacon on something.

MARISHA: Oh, really?

ASHLEY: Salty, and a little kick.

MARISHA: Makes everything better.

LIAM: Napoleon, give me your wasps!

ASHLEY: Tina, come get some ham. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Like it?

MARISHA: It's pretty fucking great.

ASHLEY: Yeah, right?

MARISHA: I didn't know it was going to have a creamy center.

LAURA: (vomiting) (laughter)

ASHLEY: With something sweet.

MARISHA: Yeah!

ASHLEY: It's a good combo.

MARISHA: It gets a little in your teeth.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay.

ASHLEY: It does, but--

MARISHA: It's not bad, though.

ASHLEY: It's not bad, it's not bad.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Slimy yet--

MATT: -- satisfying.

MARISHA: (laughs) Aww.

LAURA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Only if you don't cook it right.

LIAM: Hey, may I try one?

ASHLEY: Yes.

LIAM: A cat just scoops it out of your hand with its tail and runs it over to me.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LIAM: Mmm!

ASHLEY: It takes a while to get used to, but it's very high in protein.

LIAM: It did not stop moving.

LAURA: (vomiting)

MARISHA: Yeah, sometimes the legs they'll try and fight you.

LIAM: Maybe I should have de-legged it first, yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARISHA: Pretty good, though.

ASHLEY: Thanks.

MARISHA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I think it's pretty good, too.

LAURA: This is amazing.

ASHLEY: This is amazing.

MARISHA: This is amazing, Caleb.

LIAM: You get a good night's sleep in here.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: And, you know, obviously it will not work always, but I designed it so that you could bring your family when it makes sense.

SAM: I gathered that, and as long as they won't be, you know, kicked out of it when we leave, it's perfect. I can have them close at hand.

LIAM: Well, they cannot, no-- I mean-- I am not sure if they can stay in here when we leave it. It would just be for when it is safe to use but all the time that we are here in Rexxentrum and renting the room, I thought that maybe they could stay with us for the week.

SAM: Absolutely! Long stretches like this are perfect.

LIAM: Yeah, and Zadash, we can take them and this to Zadash.

SAM: Perfect, yes, it's awesome, we should gather them soon. Wait, are we going to Zadash?

MARISHA: We talked about it.

SAM: Like, tomorrow?

TRAVIS: I thought so, we were going to visit The Gentleman, yes?

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah. And maybe do a little Pumat drive through?

TALIESIN: I have something I'd like to get, possibly.

LIAM: What was that?

TALIESIN: I'd like to visit Pumat's, and see if we can get a lead on Eyes of Nine.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: Well then, let's get some sleep and head out.

LAURA: Up!

LIAM: Oh, you have to be in the center of the tower, Jester.

SAM: She was just saying what she wants to watch on TV tonight. (laughter) It's a voice control remote.

LAURA: Can I ride the dummy waiter in my room?

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: I love that you call them "dummy waiter," not just "dumbwaiter".

LIAM: You might be able to--

LAURA: Oh. (laughs) (laughter)

LIAM: -- on a different night, if I shrink you.

TRAVIS: Whoops.

LAURA: Ohh.

LIAM: Or you could wait, and I suppose I could--

LAURA: I'd have to be the size of a cat.

SAM: You can Polymorph into a cat.

LIAM: That's true.

SAM: Ooh, you could Polymorph into a cat and run around all those cool ramps!

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

ASHLEY: (gasps)

LAURA: I do that. Make sure I have the spell.

MATT: Right now?

LAURA: Yes!

MATT: Jester just (poofing) this tiny little cat.

LAURA: I'm blue.

LIAM: All the other cats go wild-- (meows) Like a school of fish, there are amber cats all around the blue cat.

LAURA: (cat chirping)

LIAM: Are you making a beeline for one of those holes?

LAURA: Yes.

LIAM: Okay, they are dimly lit from the inside, and you enter one and it takes you up an incline, and we see this blue cat running close to the ceiling in this room up, disappears into a hole, comes out another one goes down a ramp and disappears. You find yourself in the other kitchen, now with more savory foods and vegetables and meats cooking, and you go past into another hole, and enter a chamber that you have not seen before, and in here the aqueduct-like structure is very complex and everywhere. And there are ribbons hanging all over the room with bells hanging from them. And there are little cats that-- you are in the CPU of my home. And there are cats moving in all directions, going up, going down, going left, going right. You pop out, go through a hole on the other side, and you find yourself in the bakery, again, on the other side.

TRAVIS: Downton Abbey, there's drama happening back there.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: You follow a ramp down and find yourself running along the top track inside the large empty chamber that is below here. If you continue to go, you can reach every place in here except for the bedrooms, because you need to be admitted by the occupant.

LAURA: Okay, what about the guest room?

LIAM: I mean, you can go check. I don't know if you've ever been there or if you know how to get there.

LAURA: Nope, I'm just going to get completely lost for the next hour that I am a cat.

MATT: And you do, you get extremely lost. (laughter)

LAURA: Cool. Wherever I end up at the end of the hour, I guess I'll just bamf back to me and wander--

LIAM: An hour later, you are running along a track and go boom, and find yourself hanging between the windows for dunamancy and abjuration, 20 feet above the floor of the entry hall.

TALIESIN: Metaphor.

LAURA: Up?

LIAM: Yeah, it doesn't work on the wall.

LAURA: Up! (laughter)

TRAVIS: You're in trouble.

LAURA: Oh no!

TRAVIS: Take the damage, you dumb cat. (laughter)

LAURA: Oh no! Um-- (laughs nervously)

TALIESIN: Call for help.

MARISHA: Just stay there all night.

LAURA: Help!

MATT: Everyone else is like super full and tired, and going off to their respective rooms to sleep for the night.

LAURA: Help, it's Jester! Help me!

LIAM: You notice after a minute of this, that about 100 amber cats have joined in a massive clump underneath you, 20 feet down.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: And they are piling on top of each other, World War Z-style beneath you.

LAURA: Thank you, cats. I'm going to let go now.

TRAVIS: You're going to kill them.

LAURA: Did I smush them? Several of them go-- (popping, exploding noises)

TRAVIS: (laughing) Oh, no! (laughter)

LIAM: But it does break your fall. (laughter)

TRAVIS: No! You killed cats in your first day.

LAURA: Oh no!

ASHLEY: Yeah, they'll regenerate.

TRAVIS: The first day!

LAURA: I'm sorry, cats!

SAM: They got nine lives.

ASHLEY: (poof)

TALIESIN: They're like Meeseeks, nonexistence is torture.

LAURA: You're all very kind. I'll go to the center of the room and say: Up.

LAURA: Auf, auf!

MATT: Fishing king crab, being an amber cat in this magic tower.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm trying to get up to my room. (laughs)

MATT: Hard life. Well, that's the easiest hour I've ever had to dungeon master.

SAM: Hey!

LAURA: An hour!

MATT: That was awesome.

ASHLEY: Beautiful.

LIAM: Is everyone going to bed? Is that what happened?

SAM: I think so.

TALIESIN: Oh.

SAM: Yeah, we have stuff to do.

LIAM: Okay, well the last thing, then, and Caleb would have gone and maybe hung out in the salon for a while, waiting till everyone went to bed. And when he heard the cats explode down below, he knew that Jester was on her way to bed, and he would have waited another hour beyond that, just leafing through a book. And once the tower was still, he would walk into the center of the tower and start to levitate up past the dining level, past the lower bedrooms, the middle bedrooms, the upper bedrooms, and once he's in the small chamber where Veth and Caleb's rooms are, he looks up and says: Fort, doch nicht vergessen. And a brass iris opens and he floats up in there and says: Zu. And looks around the small-- well, medium sized wooden room that he's in with the nine doors in it, and counts and says: Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs. And he opens it and walks into a large, surprisingly large stone room, shabby-looking, and there are three wooden chairs spread out with leather straps hanging off of them and there is an old crusted over metal rolling tray with some tools sitting on it and green, gritty dust on it and matted disgusting hay in one corner. He walks forward and sits down in the middle wooden chair. There are torches hanging on the wall, illuminating it in here. He thinks about the dinner, and just sits there for a long time, and eventually falls asleep.

MATT: Okay. One of the best nights of rest you've all gotten in quite some time, and eventually--

MARISHA: Beau was up pretty late as well in her room just poring through notes. And meditating on past conversations.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Borderline obsessively.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Before passing out.

MATT: Book still open.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Jester calls a bunch of the cats to her room so she can snuggle in a bed full of cats as she goes to sleep.

MATT: There's no argument there.

LAURA and LIAM: (cat chittering)

MATT: All righty. So. One by one, you all come to consciousness the following morning and make your way down for what you assume breakfast will be prepared. Probably the latest to join would be Beauregard and Caleb. But eventually you all do, have your meals prepared by a plethora of magical fey cats of all sizes. It is the greatest of Monster Hunter dreams here. What would you like to do?

TRAVIS: Could I give a small request, critique? The hammock was amazing. Could you make it sway as if I was in a boat? It was the only thing that was missing.

LIAM: Yeah, easy.

TRAVIS: Thank you. Otherwise, brilliant, brilliant.

LIAM: So what's step one today? Are we bringing your family with us to Zadash?

SAM: If you have the magic to do it.

LIAM: I do.

SAM: Then yes, but I don't want to hold everyone up. Maybe-- Do we have to go back to Nicodranas first, and then to Zadash, is that how that works?

LIAM: Oh, they're in Nicodranas still, right?

SAM: Yes.

LIAM: Yeah, that's true, so either we need to rely on the hospitality of Yussa, to use his circle and then we can go straight away to Zadash, because I can take us there, or if I take us to your mother's or to your house, then we would have to wait a day before we could go.

SAM: Let's go through Yussa and start our journey.

TRAVIS: Yeah, let's get it.

LIAM: Keep it quick.

SAM: Yeah.

LIAM: Okay. I feel like with the Reserve, you can swing your bo staff around, but maybe for Yussa, we should-- Jester, let them know that we're coming.

LAURA: Oh, yes, I'm going to. Sorry, I was looking at my spells. Yes, I'm sending a message to Yussa. We were just there. Coming back through. Don't worry, passing through. Be right out of your hair. Okay. Also, I've missed you dearly, and I'm okay with you not-- (laughter)

MATT: "Very well, but I would appreciate not turning my living space into a travel nexus."

SAM: We absolutely will. (laughter)

MARISHA: Totally.

SAM: It's happening.

LAURA: He doesn't want us to make his house a travel nexus, but the thing that I'm thinking is we gave him a Happy Fun Ball, which he's obsessed with.

MARISHA: Exactly.

LAURA: I think it's an even trade-off.

TALIESIN: Have we talked to him about our current predicament with--

LAURA: We have mentioned the Eyes of Nine to him, yeah.

SAM: He didn't have much to say.

TALIESIN: He didn't have much to say yet, okay.

MATT: He said he'd look into it.

LIAM: Well, maybe he has news less than 24 hours later.

LAURA: Here we go. Oh wait, do we have to leave your house?

LIAM: We do, we need to go back to our hotel.

LAURA: Okay, wait, I'm going to--

TRAVIS: Down!

LAURA: -- pick up one of the little statues of the Traveler that I had left, and I'm going to sit it in the middle of the floor before we leave, just to see if it'll stay.

ASHLEY: Good idea.

LIAM: Okay. All right, so it's-- Oh, Mittens, don't clean that up. Tell the others we would like it to remain for our return.

MATT: (meowing)

LIAM: He is a good boy.

LAURA: I know; he slept with me last night.

TRAVIS: A nightmare.

LAURA: Love you, Mittens.

TRAVIS: Making my eyes itch.

MATT: All righty. So you all exit the cupboard?

LIAM: Yes, we will have to descend through the tower, down to the entry hole.

ASHLEY: I feel like you're like actually, just talking about it,

TRAVIS: No, I am.

LAURA: Just talking about them. (laughs)

TRAVIS: I'm so allergic to cats.

LIAM: Oh, wow. (laughter) Don't worry, just going to sleep here every night.

LAURA: No, don't do that.

SAM: They crawl all over your food.

ASHLEY: Sleep on your pillow.

MARISHA: One's on your face when you wake up.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TRAVIS: That happened. Went to the hospital. (wheezing)

LIAM: When you shave and you reach for a towel, it's a cat.

SAM: Same with toilet paper.

TALIESIN: It's not a loofah? Oh!

MARISHA: "It's not a loofah!" (laughs)

TRAVIS: (unhappy yowling)

LIAM: Okay, so if we descend through the tower, down to the platform, land on that platform, descend down the curving brass stairs and then walk to the door. Once I open it, we see this small dingy little room.

LAURA: It actually smells worse than this closet now than it did last night.

LIAM: All right, everybody be good boys! And I walk out the door.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: We join.

MATT: One by one, you all step back into the extremely meager inn chamber that you had rented for the night, one of many.

LIAM: I think on the way out, I will pay in advance for the week for all nine of the rooms, if they're available.

MATT: There's no argument there at all. She's like, "Oh, yes, of course! Whatever you'd like! That'll be for a week, bulk, up front, we'll say, put it at 10 gold solid."

LIAM: Easily.

TRAVIS: Don't forget the wardrobe rental fee.

MATT: "Oh. 11 gold."

LIAM: All right.

MATT: "I was going to throw it in, but thank you."

LIAM: I meet everybody back upstairs in the room and then I start to draw the circle.

LAURA: Wait, wait, wait.

LIAM: Aren't we going?

LAURA: Yeah, but where's the dick? Did it stay in the thing or did it get bamfed out?

MATT: Have you canceled?

LIAM: No, I have not done it yet.

MATT: So nothing yet.

LIAM: Okay. Well, are we all ready to go? Does anyone need to go inside and use the chamber pot, or take a bath, or make some tea? Okay. All right, I drop the spell.

MATT: All right, as you drop the spell, that shimmering vanishes, and you hear (thump), and you look, and your statuette has been ejected from the space.

LAURA: We can't leave things there.

TALIESIN: Well, they don't like implode or anything so that's a good sign. If you accidentally forget someone in there or something like that.

LIAM: It's good that we did not start with Luc, and see what happens.

SAM: Yes.

TRAVIS: Ah!

LIAM: He's inside out!

MATT: Yeah, just like The Fly.

LAURA: Then it exploded.

LIAM: Okay, so I do start to draw this circle to get us to Yussa's tower. Speak now or forever hold your peace.

TRAVIS: Do it.

LAURA: Let's go.

MATT: You complete the ritual. You watch as the circle of glyphs alights. You all rush in one after another and reappear in the darkened interior stone chamber in the center of Tide Peak Tower. There, the door is already open and you see Wensforth, the goblin servant of Yussa who's already there waiting, and goes, "Ah," and just gestures to the stairs that lead further down.

LIAM: I don't know if this is gauche or not, but please accept this. And I hand him two platinum.

MATT: He takes it. "Not gauche at all!" Puts it in his pocket.

LIAM: Sorry for the consistent trouble.

MATT: "It doesn't bother me." Leads you back to the base area of the tower between the furniture and the central seating arrangement and out into the warm, mid-- it'd be late morning air, actually-- of the Nicodranas streets. So the city is yours, what would you like to do?

SAM: I think, for me, I'm just going to rush back, tell Luc and Yeza to pack a quick bag, and just get ready to go.

LAURA: Yeah, we just head on out.

MATT: Yeah, Yeza is like, "Oh, we're going to--?"

SAM: Just a quick trip. Remember I told you this was a possibility?

MATT: "Right, right."

SAM: Well, it's happening.

MATT: "Okay! To Zadash, you said?"

SAM: To Zadash and points unknown.

MATT: "Oh wow. Oh, I'm so excited to travel with you and see all this firsthand."

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: "Will Luc be okay to come with you?"

SAM: Yeah, we're not going to do anything dangerous. You'll always be safe.

MATT: "Okay." And Luc goes, "Aww."

SAM: Well, it's always a little dangerous whenever you travel.

MATT: "Okay." Yeza's like, "Hmm." (laughter)

MATT: And starts packing his bag. They get their stuff together. Yeza gets his bag, and is like, "All right, ready! Luc?" Luc goes-- (cocks crossbow) (laughter) Yeza's like, "Put that back!"

MARISHA: Not TSA approved. Can't through the portal with that.

TRAVIS: That'll get you on the list. (laughter)

TRAVIS: (clicks tongue)

SAM: Taliesin.

MATT: I know.

TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Need to confiscate that. Love the show, though. (laughter)

MATT: That will never not be funny.

TALIESIN: No, no. Never. (laughter)

MATT: You're almost off the list now, right?

TALIESIN: No.

MATT: No? Oh, buddy.

TALIESIN: Another year or two.

MATT: Another year or two? Okay. (laughter)

MATT: Anyway, you regather yourselves, and you are ready for the next leg of your journey.

LIAM: Okay, so in the courtyard of Veth's home, I kneel down. Gather round, gather round, I kneel down in front of Luc, and I place my hand on his shoulder and I say: Luc, what is the fastest you've ever traveled?

MATT: "We were on a cart once. It went really fast."

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: "It got stung in the butt."

LIAM: That must have smarted.

MATT: "Maybe."

LIAM: Do me a favor, and keep your eye on your house. And I mutter three words and we're gone.

MATT: As you all emerge in the base of the Zadash archive of the Cobalt Soul, Luc goes, "Whoa! Did we die?" (laughter)

SAM: No, no, no. No, no, no. No, Caleb just magically transported us across the continent.

MATT: "That's so cool!" Yeza's like, (groans) "Okay, well. Wow. And where are we?"

MARISHA: Zadash, in the Cobalt Soul.

MATT: "That's really well done, I'm impressed."

SAM: Do they have a children's section here?

MARISHA: Yeah, of course they do. You should see some of the Zemnian fairytales; they're bananas. (laughter)

SAM: Check out a few books on the way out.

LIAM: That'll put some hair on the boy's chin.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: There's a brief bit of confusion as there was no forewarning necessarily of the arrival.

MARISHA: Ah, shit. Sorry, guys.

MATT: And you envision there's somewhere in the file about Beauregard Lionett, there's this long series of write-ups for each time this happens. They're minor, but they add up over time, but you're fine.

MARISHA: Wait, where is that infraction list?

MATT: Oh, you imagine it's somewhere.

MARISHA: Oh, okay.

MATT: You don't see it, they don't have, like, "Hey, look at your infraction list!"

MARISHA: On the board, yeah. (laughs)

TRAVIS: A bunch of names, and one long-ass line.

MATT: Yeah. It's been 10-- zero days since Beauregard arrived unannounced. (laughter)

LIAM: Another Lionett surprise inspection.

MATT: Exactly, but you do emerge back in the familiar, somewhat gray Zemnian skies over Zadash. A city that you haven't really been to in quite a bit of time. It is a village that is familiar to both Luc and Yeza, though they haven't traveled here in quite some time, they spent some time in Felderwin, but it's close enough to home where there is a bit of a smile. As much as they've enjoyed Nicodranas, you get the air that it is nice to have some semblance of home for a bit. But you arrive here in Zadash. Where are you off to?

LAURA: Should we go to Pumat's?

SAM: We should go Pumat's.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Oh, I bet Luc would love Pumat's place!

SAM: Sure.

MARISHA: You guys go ahead, I'm going to stay here and ask a few more questions. What?

LAURA: (whispering) About the Eyes of Nine?

MARISHA: Yeah, I think I've been using the wrong words. I think I know what to ask about. So. I'll fill you in in a second. Let me ask some questions to make sure I'm sure.

SAM: If they don't have anything, my theory stands. Just find out who has access to the inventory.

MARISHA: Well, I asked about that. You're talking about the--

SAM: Well, if someone scrubbed the library of these books.

MARISHA: I have some thoughts.

SAM: Okay, okay.

MARISHA: I'll follow up.

TRAVIS: I have some thoughts.

MARISHA: Some thoughts, yeah. (laughter)

LIAM: May I assist you?

MARISHA: Sure. Yasha, You want to stay here, or you want to check in on Pumat?

ASHLEY: Kind of want to stay.

MARISHA: I kind of want to compare notes.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MARISHA: You knew Molly better than anybody, and I think--

ASHLEY: Yeah. I'd like to help.

MARISHA: I think he was wrapped up in some shit.

ASHLEY: I would love to help.

LIAM: Jester, would you do me a favor? If there was anything interesting at Pumat's that you think is up my alley, would you let me know about it?

LAURA: Of course. I can send you a message. Do you want to just give me some money so I can buy it for you?

LIAM: I give Jester all my money.

SAM: It's like 50 gold.

LIAM: It's more than 50 gold.

TALIESIN: 50 gold, 10 silver.

LIAM: It is 183 platinum. You don't have to spend it, but, you know, if the right--

LAURA: If I see any really cool paper?

LIAM: -- thing comes along

LIAM: I'm good with paper for now. I mean something unique.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Okay. So you both are staying. Yasha, you're staying as well, or are you going?

MARISHA: Us three.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: The three of you are staying, all right. After the rest of the group leaves out and you begin asking around, getting some questions. You hear a familiar voice go, "(throat clear)"

MARISHA: Is it Dairon? Or is it Zeenoth?

MATT: No, it's Zeenoth.

MARISHA: Ah. Zeenoth.

MATT: "Expositor Beauregard. It has been some time."

MARISHA: It has.

MATT: "I've heard you arrived unannounced but a short time ago. Well, happy to have you again."

MARISHA: Yep. Like always, unannounced.

MATT: "Well, do you need anything?"

MARISHA: I do. A lot of stuff.

MATT: "All right."

MARISHA: I start opening up all my notebooks,

MATT: "Oh! Ah..."

MARISHA: -- slamming them down.

MATT: He's like, "Ah, right. So our resources are yours. Of course."

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: "Expositor."

MARISHA: I need you to find anything about the Eyes of Nine, but you're probably not going to find anything about that. So I need you to research a surname of Nonagon, and maybe a cult wrapped around that. Maybe it's a cult named Nonagon. And then also if we have any records of a group named the Tomb Takers?

MATT: "All right, well--"

MARISHA: -- and you might come across someone's name, Lucien Nonagon. Any records.--

MATT: "All right."

MARISHA: -- we have around Lucien, but I think you just should start with the Nonagon thing.

MATT: "Okay, well, there was-- the Herald Yudala Fon did put in a request but a day ago to look into this Eyes of Nine across all of the archives. So, that has been-- it was in the process of research."

MARISHA: Anything?

MATT: "Nothing yet that I know of."

MARISHA: (sighs) You're useless, Zeenoth. (laughter)

MARISHA: All right, what else?

MATT: "We'll look into the other items for the moment."

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: "Anything else you require?"

MARISHA: Do you need help with that?

MATT: "You're welcome to research if you'd like, but you seemed like you were giving orders, as opposed to asking for aid."

MARISHA: Pull some books. We're going to take an hour or so.

MATT: "All right. Well--"

MARISHA: We'll meet you in the main study.

MATT: "We'll make some space."

MARISHA: Thank you.

MATT: "Of course."

MARISHA: Good seeing you.

MATT: "Good seeing you, too," and he wanders off to gather a few other archivists to begin pulling tomes and books that seem to-- that could possibly correlate to what you're requesting. All right. So the three of you are doing some research while you're here. Who is helming to research what, or who wants to begin their research?

LIAM: You are the detective. I will assist you.

MATT: So what specifically are you looking into, Beauregard?

MARISHA: I want to see if there's any records of a cult, or some sort of order that's related to Nonagon.

MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check for me.

MARISHA: All right. With a little assisties?

MATT: If you'd like to.

LIAM: Yes.

MARISHA: Okay. You said investigation, Matt?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: Okay. 25.

MATT: 25. Okay.

MARISHA: Not too bad.

MATT: I mean the term "nonagon" is a reference to some sort of a nine-sided shape. Whether it be walls or geometric design. You find that, but there's nothing in particular about any individual or a historical record of anything beyond that particular usage that you find.

MARISHA: Anything about the Tomb Takers?

MATT: Do you want to check on that as well?

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Go ahead and make a roll there.

MARISHA: Same.

LIAM: We're just bringing you books and finding passages that are relevant.

MARISHA: My god, thank god you're assisting me: one of those was a natural one. 19.

MATT: 19. There is a vague reference to a Tomb Takers, or a group that has a title similar to that out of Shadycreek Run.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: Seemed to be active for roughly four to five years,

MARISHA: Four to five years? Okay.

MATT: But hasn't been active for--

MARISHA: Two years?

MATT: About two years. So. Of all the notes that you find that compiling on it, it's loose notes. It's more individuals have just kept note of it, they haven't done anything of significance to really catch any detailed archivist's interest to keep cataloging anything beyond that they existed, the kind of work they did, and the general demeanor seemed to be--

MARISHA: What kind of work did they do?

MATT: Mercenary work of whatever was necessary. A lot of it was just acquisitions of things needed unlawfully, some thieving, some bodyguarding. They were hired a number of expeditions into the ruins of Molaesmyr, into some other--

MARISHA: Any records of who they worked for, of who contracted them?

MATT: No, the only people who would keep records of that would be them. And most of what's recorded here is recorded through hearsay, or through inquiring and paying individuals for information they had. But since they worked largely out of Shadycreek Run, and the archive has absolutely no power there, what information they do have here is pretty scattershot.

MARISHA: I think Vess DeRogna hired them. I just know they did.

LIAM: She fits the description.

MARISHA: Uh-huh. I think he got wrapped up in whatever she wants, whatever her goals are. And I think Molly-- I don't know. I think he got looped into something weird.

LIAM: Yeah. Maybe the question is, is she solely in this arms race, as it were, with the Dynasty to see what power or artifacts are hidden there, or does she have some sort of longer term goal that she is not discussing with us?

MARISHA: Yes. I think both.

LIAM: How do we broach it? Straight on? Or do we try to suss it out?

ASHLEY: Thinking of something that-- (sighs) I don't know if I'm crazy, or if this was a thing, but remember when we saw-- I think we were talking to Cree because my notes are kind of weird. Something with that ritual. I feel like she said, or somebody said that he was trying to reach the city?

MARISHA: Yes, yes! So, and then what I have in my notes, and I start frantically pointing at my notes-- Yasha, that the ritual, it went wrong. It went really bad and Lucien instructed them to scatter if anything went wrong. And then I remember her mentioning something about, (laughs) Hang on! (laughter)

LAURA: Keep going, keep going. It's good.

LIAM: You're doing great.

MARISHA: Shit, shit. I lost my train of thought. Oh.

LIAM: Everyone was going to scatter if things went wrong, things went wrong.

MARISHA: Things went bad, and that they were running from a spellslinger from-- hang on-- from the capital--

SAM: Ooh.

MARISHA: -- who wanted the book.

SAM: What book?

MARISHA: They had a book, some sort of ritual. Right, you're not there.

ASHLEY: That was probably what they used for the ritual?

MARISHA: The ritual. Yes. Whatever ritual book, it went wrong.

TRAVIS: These two motherfuckers right here.

MARISHA: And she was coming after them, Then they ran from it, whatever it was, they were talking about running from a book. And then Molly said something about, "You don't want to mess with that book. It only brought me trouble." And he was trying to dissuade Cree from reaching out to all of their former contacts, because Cree was also like, "Oh, we can reach out to all of our old buddies." And Molly was like, "Nah." because Molly didn't want anything to do with any of that shit.

LIAM: DM, last game, did Jester try to contact Cree and got no answer, am I remembering?

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: Oh, I got an answer.

MATT: Well, no. You tried to contact The Gentlemen.

LIAM: The Gentleman?

MARISHA: We contacted Cree.

MATT: Oh no, you did. you contacted Cree, and there was no response.

LAURA: Cree responded saying, "Fuck off," basically.

MATT: Right.

MARISHA: Yeah. So it took me a while to figure out what my notes were, because I had to really think about it. But Cree also mentioned someone named Tyffial in Nogvurot. who was a part of their order. I don't think Molly, if we try to talk to Molly, a dead shadow of our fucking friend, I don't think we're going to get much more from him than what he didn't already tell us when he was alive. I still think we try and track down some of these Tomb Takers.

LIAM: Well, that's an interesting question, asking Molly what he knows, because, according to Molly, he was dead more than once, so who knows who inhabits the home of a dead man's skull when there have been several personalities in there. It might not be pointless, but I-- that's a question for Caduceus, maybe. Or Taliesin.

ASHLEY: You know, you know-- sorry, I'm piecing things together, and it's--

MARISHA: It comes back to you but in waves,

ASHLEY: Yeah, it's coming in waves. I think two things that I'm thinking of. I don't know if this has anything to do with anything, but I remember when-- I mean, I wasn't there when Molly showed up to the circus because he was there before me, but the reason he came to the group, and he kept-- apparently kept saying he felt empty, empty, empty, empty, and then "MT" turned into his name: Mollymauk Tealeaf. I feel like, what if Gustav, who was the head of the circus, I think he's from Shadycreek Run. So maybe he's somebody else we could try to talk to? I don't know, that maybe has-- he knew Molly before I did. So maybe that could be a connection of something?

MARISHA: He owes us.

LIAM: No doubt Molly was involved with a very complicated patchwork of people. There are threads you're pulling at. How that connects to what we are researching now is hard to tell.

MARISHA: Okay, okay. So do you want me to go into this now? Or should I gather the others?

LIAM: You should gather the others.

MARISHA: Let's gather the others.

ASHLEY: They might have some information.

LIAM: The last thing you want to do is tell a very intricate, important story--

MARISHA: And then have to retell it, I know, I know. I rip out the page documenting the Tomb Takers.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

MARISHA: I shove it in my bag.

LIAM: I could have memorized that poor book.

MARISHA: No time! (laughter)

ASHLEY: She's allowed to do it.

LIAM: Caleb just goes thousand-yard stare for a full 30 seconds,

TRAVIS: You massacred a book!

MATT: Like a slight twitch in the left eye.

TRAVIS: ♪ Who can say ♪

MARISHA: Zeenoth.

MATT: "Yes?"

MARISHA: You let me know if you find anything, okay?

MATT: "Don't worry, we'll let you know as soon as possible. It did come from upon high."

MARISHA: Let's go.

MATT: All right. You guys head off to meet up with the others. You've been there for quite a while. This has taken a few hours to research.

LIAM: Bringing Beauregard stacks of books, scanning ahead for her, showing her passages along what she was looking for.

MATT: Exactly. Meanwhile, the rest of you make your way to the Pentamarket. The familiar sounds and smells of all the various street side shops and carts and bits of music and barkers. And it's just as lively as you remember here. In a post-wartime scenario, it seems that everyone's actively leaping into the positive energy of the peace that has come upon, seemingly for the time being at least, the Dwendalian Empire. You see the familiar sight of the dark green and gold painted abode that is The Invulnerable Vagrant. As you approach and open the door, you see it's not busy. There's no other customers in there. It looks maybe a little less empty than it did the last time you visited. It's, you know, a lot of the materials, magical items have been conscripted for the army's use by the Cerberus Assembly, it looks like he's slowly either re-acquiring, or has been creating in the interim. But as you enter and look about and see the few elements of restocking that is slowly making its way back to the brilliance of the previous Invulnerable Vagrant's presentation, you hear that familiar voice go, All right, welcome to The Invulnerable Vagrant. I just-- Oh my goodness! Look at-- There's a fine bunch of friends who are coming in to hello. Respectfully, I am just completely elated to see your faces."

LAURA: How are you, Pumat?

MATT: "Well, much better now looking upon your fantastic blue visage." (laughter)

LAURA: We've missed you!

MATT: "Well, golly, you're just going to make me turn bright purple."

TALIESIN: It's good to see a friendly face again.

MATT: "You as well, pal!"

TALIESIN: How's peacetime treating you?

MATT: "Well, much better now! Putting together a few ideas of my own. I've been trying to, you know, piecemeal some more enchantments. Because it's kind of what I do."

LAURA: Let's see what it is!

SAM: Yeah, what you're working on? We are flush with cash and ready to spend. In addition to spend time with you. I regret to inform you, we don't have any basilisk oil yet, as we haven't encountered any basilisks.

MATT: "And that's completely fine. By the way, I'm sorry, I don't think we've made our acquaintances yet. My name's Pumat Sol."

SAM: Oh, hi. You do know me. I was Nott, but now I am Veth. I was Nott, but now I'm Veth.

TRAVIS: This face. And I make Nott's face. (yells)

MATT: "(yells)" (laughter)

MATT: "Oh, well, Veth, it's an absolute pleasure to re-meet you, and the right version."

SAM: Yeah, exactly. And this is, well, this is my, this is Caleb. Caleb has turned into this man, and this little one over here, used to be Yasha. No, I'm I'm just fucking with you.

MATT: "I was about to say, I missed out on a lot of information.

SAM: This is my husband Yeza and my son, Luc. And this is his first time here.

MATT: Luc is already up on the counter, like, "Whoa! There's four of him!" You can see the other ones are peeking around the corner. "Hey!" "Hey." Around the corner. (footsteps) "Oh! Hey!"

LAURA: I'm just going to pick up Luc and hold him so that he can see everything.

MATT: He's like, (as Luc) "Whoa!" Yeza goes "It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard quite a few things. Ah, you know, being a practitioner of a certain sort of challenging craft myself." (as Pumat) "Really?" Well, what's your chosen skill set, if I might ask? Wait, wait, don't tell me! By the studious look in your eyes, but the somewhat calloused fingertips there, I'd say you delve in some form of, perhaps alchemy?"

SAM: That's exactly right! He's a chemist, and a damn fine one. And if you have anything you need to have him, you know, chemistry up, feel free to ask.

MATT: (as Yeza) "Please. I haven't been able to practice in a while, so I'm excited at that prospect." (as Pumat) "Well, yeah, totally. I mean, let's be fair. Most of my suppliers have baseline potions that I use for some of my personal creations tend to (tongue clicking) upcharge me a bit. So it would be nice to have a little more of a direct wholesale relationship." (laughter)

LAURA: Awesome.

MATT: "So anyway, whatcha looking for?"

TRAVIS: It depends on what you have. You always have such interesting items. What are your-- What are your featured items currently?

MATT: "I'm still sort of getting myself back up in the swing of things. Got a couple of fairly decent potions returned back unused from the front lines of battle." And he pulls out one vial. You can see the crystal, but the leather's wrapped tightly around it. You just can't really see the contents. And it has a little loop, so it can be thrown over a shoulder and worn there. It's a big vial. It's got a fair amount of liquid in it. He goes ahead and unsnaps the sides, and pulls it up, so you can see the liquid. It's this viscous, bourbon-looking brown liquid with an object floating in the bottom that, as he swirls it, it swirls quick and then slows down. It looks like a crescent. It's about that big, and it just floats around the bottom, like a crescent moon.

LAURA: What is that?

MATT: "This here? This is a fingernail."

LAURA: Gross.

MATT: "Stone giant."

TRAVIS: From a stone giant?

MATT: "Yeah. But don't ask me how I got it, I just had to pay some guy."

SAM: Does it give you the stone giant's strength?

MATT: "For a short time, that indeed it does, my astute halfling friend."

SAM: Wow.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

MATT: "So got that one there for you. That one'll run you about, we'll say," He looks at his books here. "Put that at about 1500 gold pieces, but it puts you up at a mighty, mighty amount of strength for about an hour."

SAM: Okay.

LAURA and TALIESIN: Wow.

MATT: "I got another one of these. Same batch, not used," and he pulls up a similar type arrangement, same leather strap. These are all meant to be carried into battle and quickly drinken, and easy to access. "This one here is a special enhancement to one's physical quickness and capabilities for a short time, a very short time, much shorter than the strength-based one. But it's referred to as a Potion of Haste."

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

ASHLEY: Potion of Haste!

SAM: How much is that? ¿Cuánto cuesta?

MATT: "That one'll run you about, we'll say, we'll say, about 1100."

SAM: Okay. Okay.

MATT: "Next, and this is something I was dabbling with, I hope you have some fun time with this, I think even the little one there would kind of have fun!" And he goes into this back room, and starts looking for a second. And goes like, "Hey, Pumat III. Looking for the, you know, the--" And he's like, "Oh, don't worry, boss, I'll get it right for you." He goes back to the backroom, comes back, and there is this really beautiful-looking crushed velvet, blue cape, And like a cape-shawl combo, very, like, Victorian London-looking, with a deep red interior. He goes ahead, and hands it over to Pumat Prime. He takes it, and puts it around his shoulders, clasps it on and goes, "They call this..." And he poses, and the cape (whooshing) flutters behind him, and just looks epic. "Call this here a Cloak of Billowing"

TRAVIS and SAM: Of Billowing?

MATT: "Yeah."

TRAVIS: Does it allow you to strike dramatic poses?

MATT: "My friend, that's exactly what it does."

TRAVIS: You're-- you're--

MATT: "Yeah, watch!" It does it again. Does it again. "Whenever you want!"

MARISHA: It just gives you the Batman pose?

MATT: "Yeah."

SAM: Does it help your charismatic abilities?

ASHLEY: That's amazing.

MATT: "I mean, in a sense that people can't take their eyes off you when you're just looking that amazing."

TRAVIS: Charismatic bump or something. Charisma bump. (laughs)

TRAVIS: They can't take their eyes off you?

MATT: "I mean, if they're a lame individual, maybe. It's not a fan of very cool looking people, but--"

SAM: So it's just cool looking. How much is it?

MATT: "That one 'll run you about 75 gold pieces."

MARISHA: Oh! We got to buy it!

TRAVIS: We're taking it. (laughter)

MATT: That's literally all it does. It just looks cool.

ASHLEY: Amazing.

MARISHA: That's amazing.

TRAVIS: Cloak of Billowing.

MATT: It takes a bonus action to do it, but you can do it as many times as you want.

ASHLEY: There's no, it's literally just--

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: -- just to look cool? I love it so much.

MARISHA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: That's amazing.

TRAVIS: We got it. It's in our inventory.

TALIESIN: I was also curious, how long does it take to enchant an item, in general?

MATT: “Oh, it depends on the extent of the enchantment. Because simple things can be done in a few days, maybe under a week. More extensive ones, oh, they take a lot longer. Unless you pay more, in which case, you know, we can get all the Pumats in on it, enchantments can be done a little quicker, but once again, still limited by this scope of what you're trying to accomplish."

TALIESIN: Well, I was looking at my armor, and I've been wearing this for a while, and I thought maybe given it a bit of a, I don't know, a pick-me-up,

MATT: "A pick-me-up?"

TALIESIN: Yeah, if you had any ideas of just something to do to this thing, other than just maybe enchant it. The one thing is that we are leaving town in a week.

MATT: "All right! Well, where are you heading off to, if I could ask?"

SAM: Cold, cold climate place. So if you have anything specifically for the cold environs, that would be of great assistance.

MATT: "Well, yeah, there's there scopes there. I could do a real simple enchantment. That'll just help keep it comfortable in all sorts of cold environments. Make sure you don't have to deal with any of that frozen landscapes sort of problems there. That will be easy hundred gold enchantment, and I can do that in, probably a day and a half with these guys' help."

TALIESIN: Anything fancier you think, or is that--

MATT: "Fancier?"

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: "In the same vein?"

TALIESIN: Possibly the same vein.

MATT: "I can give it a much more involved enchantment, there. Kind of make it a, actually--"

LAURA: Involves a fist up the butt.

MATT: "Oh no, that was just more for emphasis, I wasn't actually making--"

TRAVIS: It wasn't literal.

MATT: "Yeah. That wasn't--"

LAURA: I misunderstood.

MATT: That would have to be a very consensual thing. (laughter)

SAM: Caduceus, were you looking for something for more protection as well?

TALIESIN: Oh, possibly more protection, possibly--

MATT: "From cold?"

TALIESIN: Hm?

MATT: "From cold? Or just protection from everything?"

TALIESIN: Actually, from anything in general. We don't really know what we're going to-- other than, like-- we're going to be seeing some crazy magic. We're going to be seeing some cold.

MATT: "Okay, okay, well, let me see here then, if that's what you're looking for, I can just give yourself a basic enchantment, Just a, we'll say, give it a little more of a defensive capability, help deflect physical blows that come towards you."

TALIESIN: That'd be amazing.

MATT: Equivalent of a plus one enchantment. "All right, we'll say that would all cost you about 2000 gold pieces for the full enchantment. And if I get off four-- If we're trying to get on a faster enchantment cycle. It'll be a little more expensive, I'll put it at about 2,600 gold, but we can get that done in four days. That's going to be all Pumats in on that one. You guys all right with that?" They're like, "Yeah, we got you." "Yeah! Let me get my fingers loose. How about you?" "Yeah, I'm not busy." "All right, four days."

TALIESIN: 2600 gold?

MATT: "2600 gold for four days, and we can get that to a nice little defensive capability."

TALIESIN: I'll take it.

MATT: "All righty."

TALIESIN: And here's actually, if you can do something about the sheen. Here, I'll just give some papers with what I want to do to it.

MATT: Takes his goggle over eye. "Okay. Yeah. I can talk to somebody, and get some cosmetic changes on there for you. No problem. Lickity splickity. All right." (laughter)

TALIESIN: 2600?

MATT: "2600 gold." So in four days you'll have that, your armor will now be a plus one, which is a bonus to AC.

TRAVIS: And do you happen to have anything, only because I'm always curious, of the offensive variety weapons, or any sort of--

MATT: "Unfortunately, those haven't really come back. The weapons were keenly plucked from my clutches, for the interests of combat. It's not really a weapon, but I do got something pretty cool here. Mind closing the door?"

SAM: Oh yes, yes, yes.

MATT: "So, this was actually commissioned and sent off to a member of the Assembly who did not pick it up. So, you know, these things get lost in the mail all the time."

TRAVIS: Pumat! (laughter)

TRAVIS: I like this side of you.

MATT: He gives a (short whistle) and the other Pumats close the shades a little bit on the windows in the front. And he goes to his backroom room, comes back with this tiny, little polished redwood box. It glistens and gleans from the little bit of lantern light he has on the counter, and sets it down, opens it up. And it has this soft little pillow bed, and as you look on the inside, there is this tiny little pink gem, like a rhombus in its shape, and it's just placed on the pillow. "I know it doesn't look like much, but these are crafted not by me, but by certain enchanters who follow the Knowing Mistress. This was a piece that had come into my personal holding right before all this went down, and then was taken, as part of the agreement with the Assembly. So it's referred to as an Ioun stone. Watch this," and he it takes it, and just lets it go in the air, and you watch as it just slowly begins to orbit his head.

LAURA: What does it do?

MATT: "Oh, this one in particular is an Ioun Stone of Fortitude. Makes you hardier, makes you more able to resist the more physically strenuous elements on the body, both exterior and interior."

LAURA: Wow, how much does it cost?

MATT: "Well, cost me a pretty penny when I got ahold of it. I'll put this at about-- friends discount-- 5,500 gold."

TRAVIS: We'll take it.

MATT: "Well then." Puts it in the box, closes it and slides it forward.

LAURA: How do you have that much gold?

TRAVIS: I don't actually spend a ton of money.

SAM: Didn't you just spent 4,000 gold?

LAURA: You just spent 5,000 gold on a ring.

MARISHA: He didn't spend anything else, though.

LIAM: Been saving it for a rainy day.

TRAVIS: I think I know at least one of us that could probably use that.

LAURA: I think you're very, very right.

SAM: Yeah, me!

MATT: There's actually quite a few of you that could use it. (laughter)

LIAM: Pretty good thing.

TRAVIS: 5,500 with my thanks.

MATT: "All right. Well, that makes me very happy to know that this is going to somebody who will put it to proper use." Always better to, you know, sell the more... powerful items to individuals that I know will, you know, not spill too much unnecessary blood with it."

TRAVIS: No. I guess there goes my tattoo.

LAURA: What?

TRAVIS: Oh, no, I just, I just-- So many people have gotten tattoos and other things and I've just sort of been... hoarding my money.

SAM: That's great.

LAURA: I've been spending mine on diamonds to help save people's lives. (laughter)

MATT: "You are incredibly selfless and I am just blown away by how sweet and wonderful you are."

LAURA: Thank you.

TALIESIN: So true.

SAM: It's not just sweet and wonderful. She's used those diamonds to save many of our lives already.

LAURA: That's true.

TALIESIN: Several times.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Pumat?

MATT: "Yep?"

SAM: If-- I had just a question or two. If I-- if I wanted another one of those flasks-- Did I get my flask from Pumat?

MATT: You had it enchanted by Pumat.

SAM: Yeah, if I had another one of those flasks made, is that something you could-- could handle? It's just the hard liquor now, I don't-- it doesn't-- the taste. I don't like it anymore, but something like a nice cherry brandy or a peach schnapps I could get down with. Just something like a little bit of a, you know, creme de menthe or something. Is there-- is there something that we--

LAURA: Maybe like a rosé or something?

SAM: Ooh, a nice cold rosé, just always-- always with me, maybe a little sparkle would be nice.

LIAM: That'll be good in the tundra.

MATT: "I could probably pull something like that together. That'll be ah, I mean, all in-- all Pumats in-- once I finish what I'm doing with you, which is going to consume a lot of my time for the next four days. Put me about a day and a half, two days. I can get that done for ya."

SAM: Great, for how much--

MATT: "But with all in, I can get it under a day. And we'll say we'll put that at about 150 with the expedited pricing on it."

SAM: Oh, that's cheap. I'll take it.

MATT: "Well, it's not an extreme enchantment. Are you providing the particular flask you're looking for? Or do you need me to find that as well?"

SAM: I have a really old shitty one, but I'll go get a new one and I'll bring it back to you before day's end.

MATT: "All righty, we'll be here waitin'."

SAM: And then also, in addition to anything you have suited for cold environments, frequently, I find myself-- I'm very good in one-on-one situations or against one combatant, but I don't have anything that really can knock a bunch of people away from me or-- or get me out of a group or a pile on, a melee sort of a chaotic situation. Do you have anything, any scrolls, any potions, any enchantments that could either get me away or just knock everybody back?

MATT: "Not to that degree at that moment, unfortunately. I can keep an eye out, though."

SAM: Okay! That's good.

MATT: "Yeah, still limited, unfortunately, with what we got here in the shop, but if anything comes in, I'll let you know.

SAM: All right, all right, good to know.

MATT: "No worries. Yeah, bring that flask on by and I'll go ahead and get that done at the tail end of getting your commission finished."

SAM: And then do you have anything for children? Do you have a children's section here?

MATT: "Well, ah... What's your name, little guy?"

LAURA: Oh, I'm still holding him.

MATT: He says, "Luc."

LAURA: I've got him, you know, in a comfortable hold now so he's not completely uncomfortable.

MATT: (as Pumat) "Well, here, Luc, let's see what we got here," and then he walks into the back room with a wink.

LAURA: I'm supporting his weight.

SAM: Oh.

MATT: You hear him rummaging around a little bit. You hear something shift and a chest close. And he comes out with a smile and he sets a little ring on the table. "Let's see if that fits on your finger right there." And Luc's like, "Can I-- can I put it on?"

LAURA: Can he put it on?

SAM: Yeah, of course, yes, yes.

MATT: (Luc struggle grunts) "Cool." (as Pumat) "So go ahead and flick your finger." And you watch this little-- (poof) and a little top spills out onto the table.

TALIESIN: Oh no.

SAM: Do it again.

MATT: Flicks it, another top spills out on the table. And all these tops start-- (poofing) into a pile and Pumat's like, "Oh hey, don't get a little too hasty there. They only last a short time, but no matter where you are, if you're looking to go ahead and spin something, right there for you."

LAURA: How much is that ring?

MATT: "I'll put you about 25 gold."

LAURA: Do you have any more of them?

MATT: "No, that's just the one I got. Weirdly enough, not a lot of people want to buy a ring that just makes tops."

SAM: It's a fidget spinner.

MATT: "More or less."

TALIESIN: People are crazy if they don't want that.

MATT: "Thank you, I appreciate the support."

SAM: I love it. Yes, we'll take it. How much would that run?

MATT: "25 gold pieces."

SAM: Oh, great, great, great.

MATT: "Real simple enchantment."

SAM: Thank you, Pumat, that's amazing! Luc, enjoy.

MATT: Luc's over there going-- and there's like-- (poofing) there's just a small pile growing and he's like, "This is the coolest thing!"

SAM: Yeah, yeah, it is.

LAURA: Luc, and you could probably sell these tops for extra money!

MATT: "Yeah, well, the tops, unfortunately, are temporary."

LAURA: Oh, right. People won't know that until they walk away.

SAM: Sell it fast, get out.

MATT: "I am not engaging in that sort of... charlantanery? What would you call it? Anyway.

TALIESIN: Charcuterie, maybe.

MATT: "There we are, charcruterie." (laughter)

TALIESIN: Double checking it's just the base enchantment on there, not the cold protection?

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: I might shift just to cold protection but that's like-- yeah. I'll go straight cold production without the--

SAM: What, you don't want the AC?

TALIESIN: Plus one is good, but I have a funny feeling that the cold protection will work out better in the long run.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: Really?

TALIESIN: Or at least for now.

SAM: Is it protection against cold damage or just against cold condition?

TALIESIN: That's actually a good question.

MATT: It would be-- they'd be comparable enchantments, I'll say. So you can choose one or the other. One gives you a plus one bonus to your armor class, period. The other one gives you cold resistance.

TALIESIN: I'll take the armor class, fuck it, all right.

MATT: All right, then we'll go as intended originally.

MATT: I'm sure it won't come back to bite you in the ass.

TALIESIN: Shopping paralysis.

SAM: Oh, and then before we leave, did we want to Nonagon it up with Pumat?

TALIESIN: That's actually a good question.

LAURA: Sure.

SAM: Just in case?

LAURA: Pumat, have you ever heard of anything called the Eyes of Nine?

MATT: "Not particularly. Is there, like, a creature with nine eyes that I need to look out for?"

LAURA: Well, no, not that we know of. We came across this creature that gave us a vision of a floating, creepy city that felt like it was alive.

MATT: "That's awful."

LAURA: Yeah, it was awful.

TALIESIN: It was really, really quite a lot.

LAURA: And it also made us think of the words Eyes of Nine, right?

SAM: Yes, or Nonagon or Lucien or what was it, the Task Takers or something. What was it?

LAURA: The Tomb Takers.

MATT: "Not really jogging anything in my noggin, unfortunately."

LAURA: That's all right.

MATT: "Sorry."

LAURA: No, no, no. Hey, do you know anything about the city of Aeor?

MATT: "No."

LAURA: Cool, just wondering.

MATT: "Where's Aeor?"

LAURA: I don't know.

SAM: It's way north.

MATT: "Oh, I haven't been that far north. I've just spend most of my time here in the Empire, so."

TRAVIS: No, neither have we. We have no plans of going there, either. We've just heard people tell tales, of crazy weather up north.

MATT: "Yeah, I hear it's pretty chilly."

TRAVIS: It is. No intention of going there.

SAM: Why would we go there?

MATT: "Yeah, me too. These get all clammy. I know it's got the little layer of fur supposed to keep you warm, but (laughs) I'm already cold out here on this side of the Marrow Valley. Can't imagine getting all snowed up, you know?"

TRAVIS: Ridiculous.

MATT: "Well, is there anything else I can help you with?"

LAURA: Um!

SAM: Oh, we should buy that stone giant potion.

LAURA: I mean.

SAM: Or I'll buy it, if--

LAURA: I don't know. Do you think Caleb would like that?

SAM: Someone could use it.

LAURA: Caleb would probably like that potion of haste.

TRAVIS: Yasha could use it, it's a plus two, right?

SAM: Doesn't he have it?

LIAM: He does.

TRAVIS: That's the Ioun stone of fortitude, right?

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: Holy fuck.

MATT: Yeah, it's a plus two to their constitution.

TRAVIS: And an AC of 24.

LAURA: Yeah, I don't know.

TRAVIS: When you're using it.

LAURA: A potion is such a short use. And we have strong people in the party already.

SAM: Yeah, but if you, for instance, one of our not strong people had it, it could maybe get them out of a jam or something.

LAURA: It's true.

SAM: Plus we got money to burn.

LAURA: I don't have any money left.

SAM: I got money to burn.

LAURA: Unless you have anything worth 500 gold or less that's really cool. Do you, Pumat?

MATT: Well, here, the stone has an AC of 24.

SAM: I'll give you money.

LAURA: No.

SAM: Because I have money. If you want something just--

LAURA: No.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: "Sorry, what was your question?"

LAURA: Do you have anything cool worth 500 gold or less?

MATT: "Um."

SAM: Gift certificate, maybe?

MATT: "I mean, you kind of-- if you're buying those potions as well, you're clearing me out at the moment."

LAURA: Okay, yeah, that's what I figured.

MATT: "Sorry."

LAURA: No, it's fine!

MATT: "Hey, I do have some feelers out for some things that may return by the end of the week with everything that's coming back from the front line. So maybe I'll have something before you're leaving?"

LAURA: Oh yeah, we'll check back in when we pick up our stuff.

TALIESIN: The flask and the armor, yep.

MATT: "I'll keep an eye out for anything that's in that range you're looking for."

LAURA: Sounds good.

MATT: "All righty."

SAM: I'll take that stone giant potion.

MATT: "All righty, here you go. Here's how the snaps work and you just hold it," and he gives you a whole overview of the really simple apparatus that does not need an explanation. But he's thorough.

SAM: Great. All right, let's get out of here.

MATT: "Pleasure to see your lovely faces. Say bye, Pumats," and they're like, "Bye!" "Bye!" "Good to see you!"

TALIESIN: Bye, Pumat. Bye. Bye, Pumat.

MATT: "Bye."

TALIESIN: Bye.

MATT: "Bye!"

TALIESIN: Good seeing you.

MATT: "Good seeing you, too. It's good to see him, isn't it?" "Yeah, you're telling me." "All right, well, have a good day."

TALIESIN: You, too. Yeah, you too, also.

MATT: "Thank you, buddy." "Aw, look at him he's so nice!" "I know, right?"

LIAM: Doctor? Doctor.

TRAVIS: Doctor.

MATT: As you guys exit and eventually find yourselves meeting up with the rest of the group here in Zadash after their burst of research at the library's concluded, we're going to go ahead and take a break. We've been on a ring here for a little while and I realized, "Oh shit, we haven't taken a break yet." So we're going to do that right now. So yeah, we'll be back here in a few minutes to pick up for the latter half of today's adventure. We'll see you then.

(cheering)

Break
V.O.:Now experience the ultimate way to play by sitting at a table with your friends, with your face in a screen. Progress! D&D Beyond. Log in to explore strange worlds and fantastical cities thanks to a company based in a really boring one that handles all the tedious math and reference stuff for you so you can finally unleash the Epic quest you've been crafting since middle school on your friends. Or just do what most people use it for cranking out endless new characters while they're bored at work. I could finish these spreadsheets, but what if this Paladin owned a horse? (uplifting music) Perfect. D&D Beyond, play with advantage.

MATT: (V.O.) (wind howling) (pages rustling) Let me tell you a story, a story about a group of nerdy-ass voice actors who decided to roll the dice and play a tabletop RPG together. As they triumphantly battled dragons, aberrations and even gods, little did they know just how far their stories would reach for this game would grow into so much more. And so the nerdy-ass voice actors vowed to spread the joy of their stories to all who reigned.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. (record scratch) Matt, mind if I take it from here?

MATT: Oh, sure.

ASHLEY: Thanks, buddy. So our home game started just like any other but once the show began to take off, and we received so much support from the community, we knew we wanted to pay it forward and use our platform to raise money for charity. Early on, we partnered with 826LA because we felt like supporting creative writing in children fit with our love of storytelling. And we've helped raise money for a number of other charities with causes close to our hearts, such as...

MARISHA: Red Nose Day.

LAURA: OutRight International.

TRAVIS: OSD.

SAM: And Pablove.

ASHLEY: Just to name a few. Over these past few years, Critical Role and the Critter community has raised over $600,000 for charitable organizations. (mischievous laughter) These endeavors made us realize that our mission, (crashing) not just as a company, but as a group of friends is to leave--

TALIESIN: Leave this world better than we found it.

ASHLEY: (chuckling) Thanks, Taliesin. And thus, we're proud to bring you (dramatic music) the Critical Role Foundation, a nonprofit organization that's dedicated to that mission.

LIAM: Furthering our charitable efforts and building a deeper relationship with nonprofit organizations has been a dream of ours for a while.

LAURA: And now that dream has come true. This allows us to run specific fundraising campaigns for causes we and the Critter community care about.

MARISHA: And given the state of the world these days, a percentage of every dollar raised will be allocated into an emergency fund to allow CRF to donate funds in the event of a natural disaster or other unforeseen events that require immediate humanitarian assistance. (dinging)

TRAVIS: And since Critical Role Foundation is incorporated as a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, your donation is 100% tax deductible in the United States.

LAURA: Travis, read the room. It's a storybook, not a tax return.

SAM: The cast and company are working hand in hand with this foundation with Ashley here as its president. Thank you, Madam President. (cheering)

ASHLEY: (chuckling) For those who've donated in the past and for those who donate in the future, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. You can learn more and donate at criticalrolefoundation.org.

MATT: And thus begins a whole new chapter for this group of nerdy-ass voice actors. The end. Well, not literally, of course, but that's the end of this storybook announcement.

LAURA: (V.O.) (lively music) Hey, critters, Laura Bailey here. Let's see what's up in the Critical Role shop. (jazzy music) ooh, look at this, look at the details, ooh. (jazzy music) It's so cute, I can't handle it. You're only like five clicks away from owning this, maybe more if you have a lot of windows open on your browser, I don't know your life. Darling, I'd recommend buying two. One for you and another for you, let's be honest. This is, this is a lot of stuff, you guys, we have like so many cool things right now. All this and more now available in the Critirole shop.

LIAM: Subscribe, or don't subscribe, (man sighs) that's not a question. Well that is noble in the mind to ponder the pros and more pros of Twitch or Twitch prime. Or to take hands and gift new subs to Critters who find they can't afford them. To play, to sleep, no more. And by a sleep to say the cast and crew of Critical Role might find their naps around the hectic schedule of a live broadcast that we have brought for your consumption, both Critter and fan alike. To play, or sleep? (man scoffs) No sleep, but just to stream. All right there's the rub. For, with your subscription, what screens may come. Oh man, oh man, oh man, that is a fucking tagline. Did we got that? Oh, that is Twitch poetry. (man grunting) Oh, anyway, subscribe to Critical Role. Use Twitch Prime to subscribe, gift some subscriptions. You, you got it. Wrong slogan for the skull, but that's been good. (upbeat music)

Part II
MATT: Welcome back. So, Mighty Nein, as you all gather in the middle of the streets of the Pentamarket here in Zadash. You reconvene, and what would you like to do?

MARISHA: Oh.

LAURA: Beau, we need to go somewhere.

MARISHA: We've met up.

MATT: Yes, you're now meeting up.

TRAVIS: We've all reconvened.

ASHLEY: Hello?

TRAVIS: We got some shit in Pumat's.

TALIESIN: We did very well.

TRAVIS: We stocked up a bit.

LAURA: Here's your money. I didn't spend it.

LIAM: Oh, that's okay, I trust you to--

TRAVIS: He had really, really good stuff. I believe we got a potion, we got some stuff for your son.

SAM: Yeah, we got an amazing ring.

MARISHA: What did Luc get?

SAM: He got a ring of dreidels, little dreidel ring.

MATT: "Watch!" And he does this and a little top goes (small thud).

MARISHA and LIAM: Whoa!

MARISHA: I want one.

LAURA: I know, I do, too. How cool would it be? You could use it for caltrops. (caltrops flinging)

MARISHA: Or ball bearings, once again.

TRAVIS: Endless uses, but we did actually grab this---

MATT: Luc hides the ring.

MARISHA: Jealous.

TRAVIS: We got this stone. It's an Ioun stone. They're very, very rare.

LIAM: Oh, yes.

TRAVIS: I thought either you could use it or you, Yasha, but I know that you are particularly susceptible to damage and if I'm right, this should help with that quite a bit.

LIAM: That would have been awfully costly.

LAURA: It was.

TRAVIS: It was.

LAURA: He spent so much money on you.

LIAM: How much was it?

TRAVIS: About 5,000 gold pieces. Again, very rare.

LAURA: It cost more than dresses for horses I'll tell you that much.

LIAM: My goodness. I don't know how I would repay. I don't have that much money, Fjord.

MARISHA: I mean, you built us a pretty awesome tower.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah, but it's gone now.

TRAVIS: I know-- oh no! And I just toss it to Caleb.

LIAM: Do I catch it? I hope so.

SAM: Nope it broke.

MATT: (shattering)

TRAVIS: Fuck! (laughter)

MATT: That would be amazing.

MATT: It's outside Pumat's. "What happened? Everything okay?" "Nothing!"

TRAVIS: Up! Up! Up!

LIAM: Vess DeRogna here, I've come to collect my Ioun stone.

MATT: You do catch it after a couple fumbles.

LAURA: Ooh! I run back in to Pumat's. If we're outside of Pumat's.

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Hey! Pumat?

MATT: "Yeah?"

LAURA: Can I ask you a question? Who was the member of the Assembly that that stone was for?

MATT: "That one was for--" He goes and opens up his ledger here. "That was commissioned by--" Actually, who would it be commissioned by? Let me double check.

SAM: Good old Zivan Margolin.

MATT: No, not Zivan Margolin.

MARISHA: Yeah, good old... Athesius Uludan.

SAM: Good old Jenna...Eraser?

LIAM: Iresor.

MATT: Jenna Iresor. It would be, yeah.

ALL: Oh.

LAURA: Do you know what Jenna looked like?

MATT: "Yeah. Why do you ask?"

LAURA: Just so that, you know, if we happen to run into them, then we don't, you know, have it. In our possession.

MATT: "Fair enough, Jenna, last I saw her, at least, she had this long, blondish hair that went about mid-back or so. Usually tied pretty tightly back through, segmented braids. Very serious expression."

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: "Outfits change from time to time. We didn't cross paths too often, but--"

LAURA: Okay. Thank you.

MATT: "Welcome!"

LAURA: Have a good day.

MATT: "You too."

LAURA: It was for Jenna-- it starts with an I.

SAM: Eraser.

LIAM: Iresor.

LAURA: Iresor, yes, it was for Jenna Iresor.

LIAM: That is sensitive information.

TRAVIS: I think we should generally hide it around Assembly members.

LAURA: Probably. I was just making sure it wasn't for Vess.

TRAVIS: Right.

LAURA: Because that would--

SAM: Or Trent.

LAURA: Ugh. If it was for Trent--

LIAM: Well, that'd be a power move.

LAURA: Yeah. That would be amazing.

TRAVIS: But yes, use it. It'll serve you well. That is about the extent of my funds, though.

LIAM: Well, know I cannot repay you in full, but please, here, take-- I pull out three platinum and put them in my pocket and I hand over a sack with 180 platinum.

TRAVIS: Woo.

LIAM: Don't "woo" me; you just spent more than twice that.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's very true, thank you.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: (chuckles)

LAURA: That's the one I just gave back to you?

LIAM: That is correct.

TRAVIS: See, I buy things that aren't just for me!

LAURA: Good for you, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Thank you very much.

SAM: So we go to see The Gentleman now?

MARISHA: Should we head to the Evening Nook?

SAM and LAURA: Nip?

MARISHA: Nip.

LAURA: I mean, sure.

SAM: What are we doing there? Why are we going there?

ASHLEY: The Gentleman?

SAM: We're going to talk about Nonagon again?

LIAM: Little family reunion and maybe--

TRAVIS: Talk with them?

MARISHA: A little check-in.

LAURA: We're going to hook The Gentleman up with my mom again, obviously.

SAM: Should we forge a letter real quick from your mom?

LAURA: We don't need to.

MARISHA: Back to the parent trap?

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Don't need to? Wait, what, what, why? Why wouldn't we need to?

LAURA: Because my mom told me I could talk to him about her.

SAM: Yeah, but it's more fun if they don't know about it.

LAURA: But she knows about it.

SAM: Yeah, but he doesn't.

LAURA: No, I don't like it.

SAM: I'm going to do it.

LAURA: No.

SAM: I'm going to meddle in your mom and dad's affairs.

LAURA: No, don't do it. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Leave it to little Veth.

MARISHA: We head to the Evening Nip?

MATT: All righty. So you guys arrive at the dive bar that it's been quite some time since you arrived. Make your way in, and there Clive Binz is waiting, the older crusty dwarf who has to lean in a bit and look a bit intently at you before going, "I remember. Password?"

SAM and MARISHA: We bring many gifts.

MATT: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, make your way in." You guys head back down the curved staircase into the subterranean stone chamber--

SAM: He should really change the password, like, every year.

MARISHA: Yeah, absolutely. That's got to spread over time.

SAM: Totally.

MATT: Entering the familiar interior of the den, at least the central area, you can see there are a handful of people that are in the process of marking out something on paper, on a table. They're all leaning in closely. And they all look and notice you enter and they just fold it up and put it away.

LAURA: Is The Gentleman with them?

MATT: No, but The Gentleman-- You do look up and you can see him currently reading something on the balcony to his upper chambers, and as you all step down and that hush hits the room he leans forward. "Aha! Wasn't expecting you quite so soon."

LAURA: We're here!

MATT: "Welcome welcome, what business do you have?"

LAURA: Well, can we come up there?

MATT: "Better I come down there. Give me just a few moments."

SAM: Now Luc, this is a bar, so--

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

TALIESIN: Oh no.

MARISHA: He's been in bars.

MATT: Oh, that's right.

TRAVIS: No milk. The milk was...

SAM: Or they can wait outside.

MATT: It's your call.

SAM: I'm fine them coming down. But maybe I'll put them in a--

MATT: Okay, well, we'll say, as you guys are descending the stairs into the interior, Yeza goes, "Um, honey, I-- I don't know if this is the best place for me and Luc."

SAM: Do you want to just stay in the upstairs area?

MATT: "Even that's kind of not a great place. You know, we're just going to take a little walk around the block. Just give a holler when you're done."

SAM: Okay, okay. I'll send a magical message when we're done.

MATT: "I appreciate it. Luc, Luc!" And you can see Luc is already running down the stairs and Yeza grabs his arm and pulls him back and is like, "We'll see you all in a little bit. Come on, you little sucker." And they make their way up and out. But nevertheless, after waiting for a moment, The Gentleman comes down. He's exchanged his lounge robe with somewhat nice presentory attire. He's got a little bit of a cravat showing over his fine waistcoat, except for it's a little loose and tumbled out. So it looks a little thrown together. It may have been, or it's intentional. It's like a air he likes to put off. But nevertheless, he goes, "It is so good to see all of you. Welcome back. Drinks, please. A round for the Mighty... Nein? I got it right? Was that correct?"

TRAVIS: Yes, yes.

MATT: "All right, well. What, Jester and friends, do I have the pleasure?"

LAURA: Oh, well, first of all, Mama said to say hi, but she doesn't miss you too much. But she looked really pretty. And you could go say hi if you ever wanted to, she said.

MATT: "Very good to know."

SAM: Was it more of an invitation than that? Don't you think?

LAURA: Just nonchalantly. She was like, he could come if he wanted to. (whispers) But she wants-- you know what I mean.

MATT: "Fair enough."

LAURA: Anyway, we're also here to talk about...

SAM: Before we do, though, do you think we should tell her a specific date he'll be coming?

LAURA: Yes, do you-- do you want me to give a message in return? 'Cause you know, I see her so often now and she's going to wonder about it and--

MATT: "Drinks. (snaps)" And at this point the drinks come in and "Ah," and pass it around. "I am a very busy man. When I find a moment, I will happily take a journey to Nicodranas. Trust me."

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: We actually were here on other business.

LAURA: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: "Other business. Yes, what is this other business?"

MARISHA: Well, we've reached out to Cree.

MATT: "That's right, you asked about them."

MARISHA: They seemed a little distracted or busy. I know that they could help us but beyond that, do you know any other members from the Tomb Takers?

MATT: "Tomb Takers? Not particularly. I know Cree's spoken about them a handful of times and when we first took her onto our crew, that was one of the kind of background elements that intrigued me, having someone of a cutthroat heritage in Shadycreek Run, who delves in a skillset like being a divine blood crafter is a very rare thing. So it was very useful. I was actually honestly very sad that she left. I was-- I liked--"

MARISHA: She left? She doesn't work for you anymore, period? She's not just on a mission somewhere?

MATT: "No, no, she, she absconded but a month and a half, two months ago."

LAURA: Oh, I didn't understand that when you said it, I thought that she was off on a mission or something.

MATT: "No, no. She packed her things and left. Said she was done with her business with me. Not in an angry way, but in a very-- maybe she grew bored, I don't know."

LAURA: Was there something that triggered her leaving?

MARISHA: Did she give any other indications? Yes.

MATT: "No, it was rather sudden."

LIAM: She didn't mention where she was headed off to?

MATT: "No, we don't usually share that information. Kind of a business preference of keeping things vague and plausibly deniable."

MARISHA: Did she leave any belongings behind, a room that's not been taken over yet that we can take a look at?

TALIESIN: It really is important.

MATT: "The room has already been taken over. You can inspect it, if you want. The only thing she left behind from me in particular was--" And he goes back into his chamber and then comes back with a small case with about two dozen blood vials in it that are all capped and goes, "I mean, I have all these various blood contracts, but without my blood keeper, I have no use for them so."

TRAVIS: Are we in that box?

MATT: "Yes."

TRAVIS: Who else is so unlucky to have found their way into your box? It was worth a try.

LAURA: Are you sure that's everybody's blood? Are you sure Cree didn't take it with her?

MATT: "In what way?"

LAURA: Well, like, what if she left you with just vials of red liquid and she actually took the blood?

MATT: "Well, then good. I'm glad at least someone can make use of it."

LAURA: No, that's our blood!

TRAVIS: (laughs) I like your dad.

LAURA: What if she could kill us from afar!?

MATT: "I don't think she could kill you from afar. Cree was useful, but Cree wasn't dangerous."

LAURA: Oh, really?

TALIESIN: It's everybody's blood?

SAM: Oh, maybe not yours.

ASHLEY: Are they labeled?

TALIESIN: No, I did it later. I just didn't think that...

TRAVIS: It was all of us.

LAURA: Can we have our blood back, then?

TALIESIN: Does that mean that there's--

SAM: Are there labels?

TALIESIN: -- Molly's blood in there?

MATT: Yes, there are labels.

SAM: Also Matt, before we got in here, Beau gave me her wind fan and I've been slowly fanning myself and slowly actually trying to fan The Gentleman. To try to get some of that moisture--

MARISHA: Oh yeah, where you turn the fan outward a little bit in your direction.

LIAM: Oscillating.

ASHLEY: Are the--

MATT: "If you'd like yours back, we're no longer under contract."

LAURA: I'll just get it myself, if you want.

MATT: "Well, here." And he helps you begin--

LAURA: Yeah, as I'm doing that I'm going to just try to get a peek at some of the other names on the vials.

MATT: Okay, make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Which one will you choose? Will it serve you or will it betray you? Because there are thousands others just like it.

TALIESIN: Is Cree in there as well or no?

MATT: "No, no, no, Cree didn't take her own blood."

LAURA: (silly laugh)

LAURA: Natural 20! (singing Southern accent) And it's my CR dice! (laughter)

SAM: Ding!

MATT: And then that is the end of the commercial right there. These are all single first names. And the labels are scratched in a handwriting that's hard to read. You see your names, at least the names that were given when the blood was originally taken, which, if I recall, most of them were honest. You see names like Milos and Miladen. You also see a Lech.

LAURA: Lech?

MATT: Lech. L-E-C-H. You see a--

TRAVIS: Shut your fucking face.

MATT: -- Jazna.

LAURA: Jazna?

MATT: And those are the ones that you-- that are just immediately facing you that you can see. And altogether there's about maybe 20 or so vials in here.

LAURA: 20 or so?

MATT: Yeah. At a first glance. And after he helps you get to the vials, he closes it up again.

LAURA: The 20 or so left or 20 or so including ours?

MATT: Sorry, left on top of yours.

TALIESIN: Did we get the--?

MARISHA: Should we get the Molly?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: Can we trade you for nothing for one of those vials?

MATT: "I'm sorry, I don't quite follow."

MARISHA: We want that one that's labeled Mollymauk.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: "Oh. It is technically somebody who is no longer under contract with me. If I recall, they met a--"

MARISHA: Yeah, he's definitely dead.

TRAVIS: Some smart person take this, here.

MARISHA: Oh, okay, I'll keep--

MATT: "I will ask as a favor, though. And because I'm showing such gracious trust in your side, too. If anyone were to ask, these are still very binding."

LAURA: Of course, of course. We would never let on. Cree didn't leave any of her blood here, did she?

MATT: "I'm afraid not. This was her purview."

TALIESIN: No idea where she would have gone? Where she was from? Even if she'd gone back home or--

MATT: "All I knew was that she had done some work in Shadycreek and beyond, and a few other places in the empire. I mean, there's a lot of ne'er do wells. We get people in here from Yrrosa. We have ex Myriad members. We have individuals that come from northward. We have folks that come from the Menagerie Coast and we don't ask too many questions. We just want to see what they can do and make sure that they don't wander too far from our little specification."

TALIESIN: The Eyes of Nine doesn't mean anything to you either?

MATT: "No, not particularly."

ASHLEY: Nonagon?

MATT: "Should it? Nonagon. Cree mentioned that once or twice, I think. I think that's about it. At least from what I can recall."

TALIESIN: Going to have to find Cree.

TRAVIS: Might have to--

LAURA: I could scry.

TRAVIS: -- check in on them.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MARISHA: All right.

LAURA: Should I do that?

MARISHA: Yeah, can you?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, of course I can.

TRAVIS: We don't want to take up too much of your father's busy time.

LAURA: Why?

MARISHA: Is there anything else we need from him?

LAURA: I mean-- I mean, I guess we don't need anything else. Just, you know, a hug for your favorite daughter.

MATT: He looks around the room and there are a few individuals that are like-- There's a few individuals that are leaning into the conversation, just keeping clean ears and he goes, "Ahem," and they get back to the table. They gather their things, the paper they have folded up, and they go ahead and move over to a further table over and while they're moving he comes over and gives a little side hug. (laughter)

TRAVIS: That's you as a little kid, wasn't it? Pulling the strings.

MATT: "Well, anyway, I was in the middle of a very engrossing tome before getting to my evening clients I have to speak with a bit later today."

LAURA: What were you reading?

MATT: "You are so curious."

LAURA: I just want to know what your interests are.

MATT: "I have many interests. Don't be afraid to ask about that." And he goes in steps up to his room and comes back with a book. The cover's very plain, red leather cover. It looks a little worn at the edges, corner's a little bent. He goes, "This is more of a historical tome. It might not be of interest to you. You seem to be more of a fictional-based."

LAURA: You don't know.

MATT: "Well, this recounts the founding of the Myriad in Yrrosa and was actually taken. This used to belong to a lawmaster in Rexxentrum and was a collection of figures of interest at the time. I just like to be in the know in case certain folks of a less than reputable background try and come in under my employ. I want to know who to-- who to intimidate properly."

LAURA: Wow. That's cool.

MATT: "Not as shiny, I'm sorry."

LAURA: That's cool.

TRAVIS: Have you had any experience in Eiselcross by the way? Far, far north?

MATT: "Not personally no, but I know there's been a slow trickle of a trade coming down through the Greying Wildlands, yes."

TRAVIS: Of what? What sort of item?

MATT: "Historical relics that have interest to various keepers of ancient objects and enchantments. There've been relics and such. They haven't come directly through us in Zadash, but there's been word passing through of individuals intercepting and interest growing in that space. Actually, there's quite a bit of money being made to sell equipment up northward for a pretty penny. The Empire does not sell up that way. They keep everything internally. So outside interests who want equipment, and very specific and specialized equipment, well, they have to go through more underground means."

TRAVIS: Excavation equipment, digging, mining equipment, that sort of thing, or?

MATT: "Sometimes."

LAURA: What other kinds of equipment?

MATT: "Other kinds of equipment. Don't worry yourself with it."

TRAVIS: This drink is delicious.

MARISHA: So good.

MATT: "Well, let me get back to my reading. You're welcome to stay as long as you'd like. And by that, I mean a few more hours before we have some more clients arrive. I prefer to perhaps not have family and friends around at the time. But it is good to see you."

LAURA: I may never see you again. But it's been good while it lasted. I'm glad we found each other. I love you, Dad.

MATT: Are you playing up the bottom lip and drama of it? Make a deception check.

TRAVIS: The bottom lip. How appropriate.

LAURA: 14.

MATT: Okay, he gives you, like, a-- "(chuckles)" And he rustles your hair a little bit. "Until the next time."

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Was a pleasure.

MATT: "Indeed. If she comes back with but a scratch, I will destroy you all."

TALIESIN: Fair.

ASHLEY: We will destroy anyone who gives her a scratch.

MATT: "Good."

ASHLEY: One step ahead.

MATT: "Your drinks are free."

SAM: Thank you, Gentleman. Thank you, The Gentleman.

MATT: Doesn't even respond. He side glances every time the wind hits him. He's mid-talking, he's like, "Well, I-- I'm reading a book--"

LIAM: Did it have any effect?

MATT: No.

LIAM: No.

SAM: Damn it.

MATT: Have to actually trigger the effect, probably, to do that. That'll blow him back. Anyway, he goes back up to his balcony to read.

SAM: Well, we've accomplished all of our business in Zadash.

LAURA: At least we got our blood back. That's good.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Some good items.

LAURA and MARISHA: And Molly's!

ASHLEY: Is there any way we can tell if it's--

TRAVIS: Well, we're going to scry on--

LAURA: Yeah, which I can do. I mean, if we want to hide at a table before we leave I could scry on--

SAM: We should. There was one other thing that I wrote down in my mind that we needed to do in Zadash, or that we could do in Zadash. I just wrote down "investigate Sutan in Zadash, some ring of fire"? I don't know what that is. Is that where you got your ring?

TRAVIS: The ring of fire was it was part of Molly--

MARISHA: Lord Sutan?

LAURA: What is Sutan?

SAM: Sutan was--

MARISHA: Lord Sutan was a dude.

MATT: That was the house that you broke into.

LIAM: Yeah, the guy who's life we wrecked.

TRAVIS: Smothering rug and the--

MARISHA: Lord Sutan was who you-- he originally commissioned the ring that you had.

TRAVIS: The ring of fire resistance.

MATT: He never picked it up, weirdly.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Because he's dead.

MATT: Because he's in prison.

LAURA: Oh.

SAM: Oh. Because of us. So we don't have to investigate. We know what happened.

MARISHA: Yes.

SAM: Okay, good. Crossing it off.

TRAVIS: I think so.

LAURA: Because we killed him. Because he's in jail.

ASHLEY: But I was going to say, I wonder if there's any way that we can check Molly's blood vial and see if it's actually his, or if it's actually blood or anything like that, you know?

SAM: If it came from it an undead person or?

ASHLEY: I don't know.

TRAVIS: Would your husband know anything about that?

SAM: Yes, we could look at it and if he could examine it, he might be able to see if there's any, you know.

ASHLEY: Anything special about it?

LAURA: Do you think it would be dumb to scry on Molly's grave?

MARISHA: To see if he's still there?

LIAM: I was going to suggest possibly visiting. To see if, Caduceus, if you could maybe have a conversation.

MARISHA: It was on the road. On the Amber roads.

TALIESIN: It would be a little rough, but doable.

LIAM: Do you have a scrap of his coat? A piece of his coat, do I remember that correctly?

MARISHA: And his tarot cards.

LIAM: Well, if--

MARISHA: Well, Jester has his tarot cards now.

LAURA: I can also--

LIAM: If you have his belongings and he is still there, I think I could teleport us there. But he'd have to be there.

MARISHA: So what would we want to do with this, though? What's the point?

LIAM: Well, we were very hot to trot to find Cree, to ask Cree about all of these connections that Molly was wrapped up in.

LAURA: I don't think I could scry on Molly.

LIAM: Molly might know, because Molly is dead for the second or third or fourth or fifth time.

SAM: Yup, yup, yup.

LIAM: Who's to say what's inside that skull?

SAM: And if Caduceus does the asking, maybe we could step back if it's too painful for us to, you know, to witness or anything, you know? Caduceus could just have a one on one conversation with Mollymauk.

TRAVIS: It's viable, but we should probably go after Cree first and then Molly's grave, yeah?

MARISHA: I just-- he didn't-- Caduceus, you know about this? When you speak with the dead, they can really only speak what they know in time?

TALIESIN: Yeah, they're not there or anything. They're gone.

TRAVIS: And they can choose to not tell you the truth, right?

MARISHA: Right.

TALIESIN: I mean, yeah. It's complicated. It's not even that they can choose not to tell you the truth. It's more of would they have. That choice is gone. You can baffle what's there, but it's not-- it's not a person.

LIAM: I have a foolish question, perhaps, but for both of you. Jester, you only just asked me about potentially bringing my mother and father back. While not possible because we have no-- Well, it's not possible. But if he still lies at rest where we left him, is it possible?

LAURA: I could bring him back.

LIAM: Who wants to go visit Mollymauk?

LAURA: Should I scry on Cree first?

TRAVIS: Yes.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LIAM: Sure.

MARISHA: One hundred percent.

SAM: Is that your only scry for the day? Because we all might also want to look at Mollymauk's grave before we go.

LAURA: I can't scry on Molly's grave, I was wrong. I can't scry on a location. It has to be a living creature.

MATT: Well, actually that's not true.

LAURA: No?

MATT: I don't think so.

LIAM: What's that, Gentleman? (as The Gentleman) "Before you leave, I couldn't help but overhear--" (laughter)

TALIESIN: (as The Gentleman) "Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear you talking about scrying."

TRAVIS: Oh, your real blood vials are rattling.

LAURA: I always forget that last little paragraph.

MATT: Yeah, (reading) "instead of targeting a creature, you can choose a location you've seen before as the target of the spell."

LAURA: Okay, so I could. But no, I can do it multiple times a day. I just can't do it on the same person multiple times a day.

MATT: Correct.

SAM: So I guess Cree?

LAURA: Cree first.

MARISHA: (chanting) Cree first, Cree first.

LAURA: Okay, so I've met Cree, so it should be easier to do.

MATT: In theory.

LAURA: Firsthand. I have met the target.

MATT: Indeed. What's the spell DC?

LAURA: 18.

MATT: 18. Give me just a second. I have to go look up an NPC character sheet.

TRAVIS: Oh god, yeah. No doubt.

TALIESIN: So terrified.

TRAVIS: From way back. A year plus.

MATT: Just a moment.

MARISHA: What are you-- Oh, looking up her character sheet?

MATT: Yeah, looking for the wisdom save.

TRAVIS: Are we really entertaining bringing back Molly?

SAM: I fucking love it.

TRAVIS: Is that what we're talking about?

SAM: I fucking love it.

ASHLEY: Man, oh man, oh man.

SAM: Danger.

TALIESIN: I know all the ways that can get weird.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: As you sit there. Are you doing this in the middle of--

LAURA: No, I'm going to find a little, little table off to the side in the shadows.

MATT: Okay, all right. So you focus and concentrate. As you put your hands down--

LAURA: I'll draw dicks in the gross smudges on the tables.

MATT: The dicks alight with divine energy. And as you close your eyes, you feel a pair of hands just gently touch your chin and move it upward towards the sky and the voice says, "Well, let's see if we can find your quarry." As you close your eyes, you feel your vision push through the ground through the stone, up into the sky, the clouds, the thick clouds into rainstorms, into heavy, heavier clouds and to just moving through thick weather and sky. And then you come down and there is heavy snow. Heavy, heavy snow. There is, like, a, it's just white around you. It's hard to make out more detail beyond you than just this bluster. And you see Cree heavily bundled up with a fur hood and a coat with thick leathers and hides with a bundle and a pack on the back just (heavy breathing). Looks like she's trudging through some heavy weather.

LAURA: Does it seem like Cree is with anyone else that I can see through the snow flurry?

MATT: Make a perception check. You are in a very, you're in a very--

TRAVIS: Blizzard?

MATT: Well, it's a heavy blizzard and it's a tight scry. You can only really can see the individual. And you can barely make out very basic details. It'd be be pretty close for you to get anything, but roll super high and we'll see,.

SAM: I bless you.

MATT: Too late.

LAURA: And I can't guide myself when I'm doing it.

MATT: Nope.

LAURA: Perception, 14.

MATT: 14, too much heavy weather and the confines of the spell. But you see Cree trudging through. You see the black tabaxi fur and the breath escaping with each exhale and just kind of, you know, physical exertion going through a harsh environment.

LAURA: With that perception could I see what the pack on the back is?

MATT: You can see there is a thick leather pack, but you don't see anything in it.

LAURA: Like anything in it.

SAM: Is that a coincidence?

LAURA: No way.

TRAVIS: No, could be anywhere.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: Episode title: Good Kitties and Bad Cats. (laughter)

MATT: And then after a moment of watching, you pull yourself back and you feel a bit colder, even just being in that vision, but cold doesn't have a huge effect on you, anyway. So you shrug it off. And you all watch as Jester goes from her upturned focus, the eyes somewhat glazed over and milky storm white. And then she comes back into herself.

LAURA: Cree's in the snow.

SAM: But any distinguishing details or just white? Like, any mountain tops?

LAURA: Super duper thick, white snow everywhere. Major winter storm.

MATT: Not unlike the the snow you encountered around Uthodurn.

LAURA: Not unlike the snow we encountered around Uthodurn.

SAM: Okay. So maybe Greying Wildlands or something?

MARISHA: No, she's heading north. She's got to be heading to Aeor.

TRAVIS: There's no way.

SAM: How would that have any connection?

LAURA: Oh, I run in and ask my dad before we leave.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: So you said there's been a bunch of artifacts coming down from the north, right?

MATT: "Yes, they usually come through Shadycreek and some of the contacts there. You met Ophelia, actually."

LAURA: Oh, right. I didn't meet Ophelia, did I?

SAM: Oh, you didn't.

LAURA: I didn't.

MATT: On the way back. You guys traveled back with Ophelia to bring her to The Gentleman. That was part of the return.

MARISHA: We erased Ophelia. Is Ophelia here?

MATT: "No, no she returned to Shadycreek."

LAURA: That bitch. I didn't like her, I didn't like her. Anyway.

MATT: "You have reasons. I have reasons not to like her, but she is a good business contact."

LAURA: Sure. Anyway, so you said all those artifacts were coming down from the north.

MATT: "Mm-hmm."

LAURA: How long ago did they start coming down?

MATT: "I mean, the first whispers were seven, eight years ago. And just been steadily growing since."

LAURA: Did anything major come through like three months ago before Cree left? Anything that you can think of?

MATT: "Not specifically to Zadash, no."

LAURA: Mmkay. All right, thank you.

MATT: "No worries."

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: I can't concentrate. Are we really-- are we talking about this? Are we going to visit Molly's grave?

MARISHA: Well, scry--

LAURA: I know, that's--

TALIESIN and MARISHA: Scry first.

MARISHA: If if he's still-- If it's undisturbed, I don't know. I don't know what we could get out of it, to be totally honest.

LAURA: I know it feels, wrong.

LIAM: If he's still--

SAM: Jack Nicholson nod. (laughter)

LIAM: You don't know what we could get out of it? We are grasping at straws trying to understand connections we cannot fully see.

LAURA: Did you find anything else from the library?

MARISHA: Kind of. Just further confirmation.

LIAM: Just reason to visit Mollymauk.

MARISHA: But Mollymauk didn't know anything. Cree knew things. What we need to do is find other people from the order that Mollymauk belonged to.

LIAM: Mollymauk didn't know anything, but Nonagon might have.

LIAM: And it's the same person.

MARISHA: But how does that work once they're dead?

LIAM: We don't know unless we try, Beauregard.

TRAVIS: You might get user one, user two, or the admin profile.

MARISHA: But do we have to dig out our friend? (laughter)

LIAM: Fuck, that was good.

SAM: Where'd my desktop go? Oh, it's the wrong guy.

LIAM: I don't know, but I could have us there in under a minute.

MARISHA: Well, let's scry on his grave first.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay. All right. I'm going to add a couple archways to the dicks. And then I'm going to do it again.

MATT: Okay. Once again, the little dicks flair at the corners of the table.

LIAM: Getting ready, Taliesin?

MATT: You close your eyes and your head tips upward once more. And you feel yourself being lifted as if the Traveler's arms come under your arms, much like you were holding up Luc in The Invulnerable Vagrant, and then feel your essence pulled out into the sky. Once again, hitting clouds and weather. And then you come down upon an edge of the road, not far from the Crispvale Roadway. And you see a patch not far from a number of hills that are unfamiliar to you beyond the journey back home. And the stop you briefly had at the grave site. It is pouring rain. The ground is just mud and you can glance down and you can see the stick that marked his grave tilted to the side. No sign of the coat at the moment, but it's been left to the, you know, the elements of nature for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and months and months. But it's just a muddy portion of ground with, you know, nothing real distinguishing in sight.

LAURA: The stick is still there?

MATT: It's there, it's just at an angle.

TRAVIS: No hole?

LIAM: No tunnels out of the earth?

MARISHA: No disturbed ground?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: One of these days, Laura.

LIAM: One of these days, Alice.

LAURA: 15.

MATT: 15? It's hard to tell. I mean, any grave site that's been here for months at a time through the weather that comes through the Empire, especially the northern side of it. There's erosion and-- or not necessarily erosion, it was more like there's constantly mixing mud and dirt and snowfall that then comes and melts and changes the landscape a bit. You can't tell if it's been disturbed or not. All you see is that it is the same location. You don't see an open hole, anything like that.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: #LeaveNoTrace.

TRAVIS: Nice, nice.

TALIESIN: That was for you.

TRAVIS: Appropriate.

MARISHA: All right.

SAM: Let's go.

MARISHA: Here's what I think.

LIAM: Even if he's not there, it's worth it to try to see if he is there. And with his tarot cards, I can get us there.

LAURA: With his tarot cards would you get us there, or would you get us to his body?

LIAM: Well, that's interesting. Because if he's in the ground that will get us there. It could get a little hinky if I tried to go to that location. I'm trying to go to that location, not his body, per se, but the cards would help. So it's a little bit of an X factor.

MATT: It's a destination you select. So it is a location.

SAM: So we don't necessarily need to land on his body, right? Like, right, we can go near it or?

MATT: Well, no, meaning when you choose to teleport, you don't teleport to a person, you teleport to a location.

LIAM: Yeah, yeah I was just trying to focus on having an object from location because that makes it a hundred percent success. There's no risk to it.

MATT: Correct, so the coat element there technically was retrieved at that location. So the piece that she has would make it a near perfect--

SAM: Oh, great.

LIAM: Okay, great.

MARISHA: Here's what I think.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MARISHA: Deal with me for a moment, conspiracy theory-style. All right, here's what we know.

TRAVIS: Insert voiceover.

MARISHA: Yes, cue montage. Yes.

SAM: (peppy montage music)

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: (peppy montage music)

MARISHA: Goddamn it. From what we've heard--

TRAVIS: Commit.

MARISHA: Goddamn it. Okay, I'm going to try-- I'm trying to piece everything together here. Okay, okay, okay. So.

TRAVIS: (fart sound)

MARISHA: Vess DeRogna. Vess DeRogna is sending us off to Aeor. We know that she is in search of these divine artifacts. When I researched at the Cobalt Reserve, if they had any artifacts from Aeor, they said no, that they had none in possession, that they all belonged to the Cerberus Assembly. They had all of them. They also confirmed that there has been trades of these artifacts coming from the north in recent times. So we have Mollymauk, who is a part of the Tomb Takers. And from what we know of the Tomb Takers, and what I just researched from the Cobalt Reserve is that they were also doing things like thieving, body guard missions, excavating exactly what Vess DeRogna just hired us to do for her. And that they were being sent to places like Molaesmyr and Shattengrod all pre-Calamity cities with pre-Calamity artifacts. all pre-Calamity cities with pre-Calamity artifacts. We then learned that Cree confirmed that Lucien and the Tomb Takers were running from a spell slinger from the capital chasing after this book. So there was some sort of book involved in this-- what is-- what is happening?

MATT: It's a picture of Charlie Day with his conspiracy board.

TALIESIN: We were all thinking it.

MARISHA: I know! I have all of my books out. Okay.

LAURA: So the Tomb Takers, wait, the Tomb Takers took the book from Vess?

MARISHA: Yes, so I think that the spell slinger from the capital that they were running from was definitely Vess DeRogna who had something to do with this book and this ritual. So Molly was also a part of some sort of order before the Tomb Takers and Molly was like the leader, right? And branched off and was like, fuck this other unnamed order. Let's go and be the Tomb Takers. And then when we saw Cree and Cree was rambling about the ritual Cree was like, "Oh we didn't, you were doing all these things and you were so great." Remember Cree was like "Oh, Molly, oh," like he was a fucking cult leader because he was definitely a cult leader and mentioned that when he volunteered for the ritual and things went haywire that they were instructed to run. So I think the Tomb Takers, who worked out of Shadycreek Run, who isn't, which isn't far from Shattengrod, Shattengrod? Shattengrod.

MATT: It's a bit, yeah.

LIAM: Just think schadenfreude.

MARISHA: Not far.

LIAM: Shattengrod.

MARISHA: I think they were a previous mercenary group hired by Vess DeRogna to do some sort of excavation mission either in Molaesmyr or Shattengrod. They got looped into whatever crazy shit that Vess DeRogna wants to figure out with this pre-Calamity weaponry that destroys divinity. And he was the person for the ritual. What I think the ritual was for. Bear with me for a second.

TRAVIS: This is so Clue movie.

MATT: Oh yeah.

LIAM: One plus one plus two plus one.

TALIESIN: I want to see Gene Wilder do this so badly.

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: Who are you, Perry Mason?

TRAVIS: She ran in here.

MARISHA: Because, hang on wait, wait. Where's my, this is--

TRAVIS: Turned off the lights.

MARISHA: Let me get this out of the way.

MARISHA: So they stole the book. They were running from a-- They thought he was going to come back. So what if they thought they were teleporting Molly to Aeor? And they were assuming that Aeor was still in this dimension, but what if Aeor isn't in this dimension?

TRAVIS: Whoa.

MARISHA: Like we talked about before, because the Cobalt Soul said that there are no reported survivors from Aeor. Also, in all of the language that Vess DeRogna and the Cobalt Soul used, they mentioned that we were heading to an excavation site that they believe Aeor is located, but no confirmation that there is Aeor there. So what if it's not there? And also there were no reported survivors. So they think that Aeor is here, but also no reported survivors, so what if it's not here anymore? And it's the city in the Abyss?

LAURA: What if the city is the weapon? The city devours divinity.

MARISHA: That could be it. And what if--

LIAM: Question.

MARISHA: Hang on! I'm almost done.

LIAM: Question.

MARISHA: What if Molly was, instead of teleported to Aeor, was telepated-- teleported-- to this insane--

LAURA: Twitterpated.

MARISHA: -- was twitterpated to the city in the Abyss? And then because when he came out of the grave, he had nine tattoo eyes, nine eyes, nine tattoos of eyes,

LIAM: On his body. Right.

MARISHA: On his body. And then he didn't remember anything. And then everything went shitty, and then he didn't want to know anything about his past life.

LAURA: And he was empty.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: I definitely think you've got it surrounded. Question.

MARISHA: Yes.

LIAM: You've talked about--

MARISHA: I'm sweaty now.

LIAM: You're like The Gentleman.

MARISHA: Both Beau and Marisha.

LIAM: You are like The Gentleman.

MARISHA: Yes. (laughter)

LIAM: We also know for six or seven years, though, that artifacts from pre-Calamity times have been coming south and into the possession of the Assembly.

MARISHA: Okay!

LIAM: Those would have come from Aeor.

MARISHA: Not necessarily, because there's also Shattengrod and--

LIAM: They were coming down from the north.

TALIESIN: What if--

MARISHA: And Molaesmyr. But there's lots of other pre-Calamity city sites that it could have potentially come from.

MATT: Some aren't pre-Calamity, like Molaesmyr, which is the elven city that essentially corrupted the entire Savalirwood with its destruction, and a lot of the Shadycreek Run does its business, just to clarify, pulling relics, and selling relics from the ruins of Molaesmyr. There were many locations pre-Calamity all around Wildemount and the world beyond that are excavated from.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Well, but I also learned in the Cobalt Soul--

TRAVIS: She's going hypoxic.

LIAM: Breathe!

MARISHA: Hang on.

TRAVIS: Big breath!

LIAM: We are here for it, we are here for it, breathe!

MARISHA: -- is that the Tomb Takers existed for roughly four to five years. And this whole ritual incident happened two years ago. Roughly. That puts us right at that seven-to-eight-year mark of when all of this excavation shit started fucking happening. And people started digging things up.

SAM: Four to five years, four plus five is nine, but two years minus two is the seven members of our group.

LAURA: Whoa!

MARISHA: We do have eyes. They're the nine.

SAM: We are Aeor! (laughter)

TRAVIS: (explosions)

MATT: Aeor was the friends we made along the way.

TRAVIS: (deep roaring)

SAM: I like it.

ASHLEY: That's huge.

SAM: It's a breakthrough.

ASHLEY: That's a breakthrough.

TALIESIN: So what happened next?

SAM: We should go talk to a monk.

MARISHA: Well, I think Vess DeRogna--

LIAM: We try to confirm it.

MARISHA: I think the people who know the most about all of this is Vess DeRogna. I think she has been throwing mercenaries at these excavation sites for years. Like a fucking meat mill.

TRAVIS: And we're next.

MARISHA: And we're next.

TRAVIS: I'm so excited.

LIAM: Rather than walk in and be the next group of adventures that she used to throw spaghetti at the wall--

MARISHA: 100%. Yeah.

LIAM: Why don't we go ask Mollymauk, or Nonagon, or Lucien or whoever the hell he is, what we're walking into before we walk into it.

LAURA: Because what if when Molly was-- what if when Lucien was doing the ritual and his soul was taken by the city, the soul is gone now, and then Molly took his place. So if we brought him back from the dead, we wouldn't be getting Lucien, we would be getting Molly, who didn't know anything.

LIAM: Maybe it won't work, but maybe it will.

MARISHA: We don't know which Molly we're going to get it.

SAM: Let's go as him, and then we'll know real quick.

TRAVIS: Admin! (laughter)

ASHLEY: Do you think that Aeor is that city that we saw in the vision?

MARISHA: I--

LIAM: It's possible.

MARISHA: I don't know, but it feels--

LAURA: What if they did something? What if Aeor succeeded in creating it, and parts of Aeor split and became this demented being--

MARISHA: Right!

LAURA: -- demented city--

MARISHA: Right!

LAURA: -- and the city in this world crumbled and fell to ruin?

MARISHA: Yeah, because we know that Aeor was a mageocracy so it had a bunch of fancypants mage people who could have totally maybe teleported it somewhere. Maybe it was a defense mechanism that went wrong.

LIAM: There are entire cities in this world that are able to do that.

MARISHA: Right! And then maybe they went to the Abyss and now it's this crazy, insane living city from being in the Abyss for thousands of years.

TALIESIN: We have Cree. We have Lucien. Do we have any other members of the Tomb Takers that we can talk to?

MARISHA: So I remember, hang on. I remember... Cree--

SAM: On this post-it note. I've got a post-it over here.

MARISHA: Talked about-- (laughs)

ASHLEY: We could also up possibly talk to Gustav.

MARISHA: So we could totally talk to Gustav, because he's from Shadycreek Run. This was Yasha's idea, just totally brilliant.

ASHLEY: It's fine, it's not like how you're doing, but thanks.

MARISHA: No, no, I just have to give credit where credit's due, but the tabaxi, Cree, also rambled off Tyffial, and was like, "We should totally go and talk to Tyffial."

SAM: Is that a person?

MARISHA: Yes.

ASHLEY: There's another name, I feel like.

MARISHA: The only other one that I caught was Zora?

ASHLEY: Jurrel, Zorel, Tyffial...

MARISHA: Yes. Yes. That's them. That's them! That's the group of people that Cree mentioned and as like, "Oh, the Tomb Takers, we can get back together, man."

ASHLEY: I didn't know what that was, but I got it written down.

MARISHA: Yeah, same!

MATT: Zoran. Zoran is one. Otis was another,

MARISHA: Zoran. Otis?

MATT: Otis and Tyffial.

MARISHA: And Tyffial! Okay. There was a Jurrel, but Jurrel was executed for--

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I was like--

MATT: Run-in with the law.

ASHLEY: He's in a separate circle.

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I have, like--

LAURA: Wow!

ASHLEY: Well, I just have things circled.

LIAM: With absolute sincerity, we are impressed. With sincerity, but we are trying to find out about the Eyes of Nine, so let us go to the man with nine eyes on his body--

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: -- and ask him some questions.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Can you wipe your-- right here, there's--

MARISHA: Oh, am I drooling a little?

TRAVIS: There's a bit of blood, yeah.

MARISHA: Oh, sorry. Sometimes the ki, it gets a little intense.

LIAM: Careful, Tetsuo, don't push too hard.

SAM: This will help us frame our questions and know what to ask. For sure.

MARISHA: Hopefully. By the way, all theories, I don't know if Aeor has been bamfed to the Astral Sea.

SAM: We understand that these are not proven things.

MARISHA: None of this is proven. It's just all that I have written down.

LAURA: We could also go to Shadycreek Run and ask around for the Tomb Takers. Maybe throw around some of those names like we know them, and see where it leads?

TALIESIN: That seems like a good idea.

SAM: Let's go talk to Molly.

TALIESIN: Haven't done this in a while.

MARISHA: I have next to Tyffial: "Nogvurot." So I think-- Ty-fyell? Tyffiell--

MATT: Tyffial.

MARISHA: -- was last in Nogvurot, but that was also when I wrote this down months ago, and he could have totally moved on.

LIAM: You have a piece of that coat? Gather 'round.

SAM: Let me just go and get my son and husband.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah. (laughter)

LIAM: We're leaving! (laughter)

TRAVIS: Get them quickly before Beau suffers from the adrenaline dump.

SAM: I guess we're doing this in the bar?

LIAM: No, no. We're going to go find a more private place.

SAM: Oh, then let's go! Okay, good.

LIAM: We could also leave your family at a tavern, or an inn or a park.

SAM: Sure. I'll tell them to go to the-- what is it? What's the nice one? Not Song and Supper. Lodge of the Eclipse? No. Evening Nip is not a good place. Oh! The Tri-Spires. They can go to the Tri-Spires.

LAURA: If they're allowed in.

SAM: Well, they're nice.

TRAVIS: You got to be rich.

SAM: They're rich.

MATT: The Lodge of the Eclipse is the large tavern in the Pentamarket. It's not amazing, but it's not bad either. It's more of a busier place.

SAM: Lodge of the Eclipse? That was a night pub and theater.

MATT: It was indeed.

SAM: All right.

ASHLEY: They could go watch a show!

SAM: I'll tell him to go and watch the dinner theater production of Oliver!.

TRAVIS: Oliver!

TALIESIN: Sure.

MATT: Perfect.

LAURA: They're going to be like, "Great! So glad you brought us here!" (laughter)

LAURA: "This has been fun!"

MATT: Are you leaving them here at the inn to stay for the night?

SAM: I guess so.

LIAM: Well, I would have to take us back into the Cobalt Soul to return, which we could do.

SAM: Just have them wait here. We can always catch up with them later tonight.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah. We can get a room, and then that way we can bamf out in privacy.

SAM: I'll leave them a hundred gold.

MATT: "All right. Well, I will make sure that--"

SAM: A couple hours, a few hours, we'll be back real quick. Just going to go talk to a dead person.

MATT: "Right. Okay. "

SAM: He's a dead friend.

MATT: "Our lives have gotten very interesting in the recent year. I'll take care of Luc. Maybe I'll make-- I'll take him to see a show."

SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: "You ready for that, Luc? " (whining, as Luc) "No." "Trust me. It'll be fun."

LAURA: Before we leave, I'm just going to pull Caleb aside.

LIAM: Avenue Z?

LAURA: Caleb?

LIAM: Yeah?

LAURA: I think-- I think one of the reasons that some of us are a little hesitant to go talk to Molly is, you know, because it is a little painful to do that. So, that's maybe why Beau is... is holding back on that. I think. Just so you know.

LIAM: I gather.

LAURA: Okay. But it's important.

LIAM: I think so.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: So Yeza and Luc have set themselves up in the room and they're going to watch some of the local theatrical productions that might run in the next few hours or so. And they seem to be taken care of. What would you like to do?

SAM: We're going, right?

MARISHA: I'm ready whenever you are.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: You said it was raining there?

MATT: It was, quite a bit.

MARISHA: Put your hoods up.

TRAVIS: Don't have a hood. Do you mean, like, figuratively? I'll just make myself look like somebody else.

MARISHA: You can control water, you're fine.

LIAM: You like the water.

SAM: I'll just start fanning you. (laughter)

LIAM: Okay, I wrapped that bit of fabric around my hand and mutter the words and away we go.

MATT: All right. You all take a breath, and the spell catches you before you can take the full breath. And so the wind that you're taking in, it goes from warm to immediately cold, mid-inhale.

TALIESIN: Oh, I'm looking forward to a coat.

MATT: As you all arrive-- (splashing) your feet hit the muddy ground around you. The gray sky above, you hear-- (thunder crashing) the rumble of thunder off in the distance. It invigorates you for a moment and that energy hits you. And then also fades as quick as you really take in the space that you've arrived at. You can see the Crispvale Thicket on the horizon. Far off that direction, and ahead, you can see a few rolling hills, and you stand on the road that continues up. And much like Jester described it, a little ways off the road, to the northeast of where you're standing, you can see the off-kilter stick, where it was left.

MARISHA: I just reach out and grab Yasha's hand.

ASHLEY: I squeeze it back.

TALIESIN: Just as a side note, I'm going to say that generally, we don't recommend doing this in my profession. So, just letting everyone know.

SAM: Thank you. We'll take the utmost care. And who knows, he might not be there anymore.

TALIESIN: Who knows?

SAM: Do you want me to just run over and see if it's--

LAURA: Yeah. I'll walk over with you.

TRAVIS: I think we all will.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Let's not split up.

MATT: Okay. Who's helming this?

SAM: Helming... the digging?

LIAM: We have two options... here as well. It could be a conversation or a reunion.

TALIESIN: I'd say I've got a conversation in me, I don't-- reunion is a lot.

LIAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: And again, let's know what we're dealing with.

LIAM: Well, conversation is a good first step and maybe a final step.

LAURA: And remember, if he is here, Caduceus, didn't you set things in motion? Will his body still be... recognizable?

TALIESIN: No matter what I did... you're not going to see anything that... No matter what I did, it doesn't really matter.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: Are we investigating first or just digging?

MATT: You can make an investigation, if you'd like.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: Baby steps.

SAM: I'll check it out.

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: I'll go up with you and watch.

LAURA: Ooh, while that's going on I'm going to cast Commune. I'm going to spend 10 minutes.

MATT: Okay, while they're doing this? Okay. So it'll take you 10 minutes to do that.

SAM: I'm going to very gently, not probing with any sort of sharp objects or anything, but mostly hands just dig down. And I rolled a 28.

MATT: 28. Okay. (clears throat) So. Much of this area, which is mainly just like, you know, So. Much of this area, which is mainly just like, you know, grass and dirt with elements of rock and these hills and these fields here, the rain definitely slicks over most any signs of the grave you guys had made, aside from the marker stick and the coat that once held to it. After two minutes of sifting through, the ground layers become a little bit looser than you were expecting to find.

SAM: I'll keep going down.

MATT: You keep digging and pulling aside, and the rain and mud is starting to pour in a bit. And it's a bit of a tough fight going against the weather, but you get about two, two and a half feet down, and there's still not much of a sign.

LIAM: I drop down too, say: I'm going to hell anyway. And then start to pull at the mud with you.

MATT: Fervently, you both begin to pull, and pull, and pull away. Dirt and mud is now slapping up onto the sides as this, what was once just straight land turns into a pit and still no sign of Mollymauk Tealeaf.

SAM: Jester, can you locate object? Maybe, maybe we dug down in the wrong spot.

LAURA: I mean, I can scry on hi--

SAM: Isn't there like a locate object spell or something?

LAURA: Yeah, but I don't, I don't--

SAM: For his skull.

TRAVIS: Or his swords or, yeah anything.

ASHLEY: Will his blood do anything?

MARISHA: Yeah, we have his blood.

LAURA: Yeah.

LAURA: I don't have Locate Object prepared, I can't do it now, but I could try to scry on him with a higher level, see if I could find--

SAM: I'm going to, just in case, investigate around to see if there's any... I mean, the mud is not recently covered, right? I'm just going to look around to see if there's any, I don't know, shovel heads or-- or just any-- any sign of any one who--

TRAVIS: Digging tools.

MARISHA: Digging him up?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LIAM: If I help, will she get it at advantage?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Okay.

SAM: Terrible.

LAURA: Are you still communing?

LAURA: I'm going to cancel that, and I'm going to go straight to scrying instead.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: 23.

MATT: 23. It's tough to look for anything like that in this vicinity. It is... very muddy. You do find a... dirt-stained coat.

SAM: Is it his coat?

MATT: You find Mollymauk's coat.

MARISHA: No way.

SAM: Where was it? Was it like--

MATT: It was about 20 or so feet off. It may have been blown off of the grave site by the wind and then just left to the elements.

TRAVIS: You fucking take that shit.

MARISHA: Yeah, you grab that fucking coat.

SAM: Of course! Of course!

MATT: But you don't find any implements or tools or anything.

TALIESIN: I'm going to-- I notice they're having difficulty with the-- with the digging. I'm going to go in and also try. And I've done this before. Was I there when you buried him? I'm trying to remember.

LAURA: You weren't. You were there when we revisited the grave.

MATT: Yeah. You've been here for the grave, but not for the actual burial.

TALIESIN: So they're in the right place.

MATT: I mean, as far as the marker was set, like, they went to where you remember them focusing on.

TALIESIN: This it looks right.

MATT: They might be off.

TALIESIN: I'm going to just-- I know what this looks like. I'm going to try and help. I've got a shovel, too.

MATT: Make an investigation check for me.

TALIESIN: Never perception. Okay. (laughter)

MATT: I mean, you can look at the ground, and it's muddy. This is more of a feeling through the dirt and looking for signs of--

TALIESIN: Investigation roll. I got a seven.

MATT: Seven. It's just hard, and the rain is making it very difficult to make any sort of finite details of the surrounding earth.

TALIESIN: Can we get some cover? I don't know how.

LIAM: I could throw up the dome. Or are you thinking of something else?

TALIESIN: This is just filling with water.

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I can use Control Water and empty the--

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

LIAM: You can throw it out of the dome.

TALIESIN: See if we can find cloth.

LIAM: I'll start working on it, focused on where the stick was in the ground.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I'm going to scry.

MATT: Okay, and that takes one minute?

LAURA: It's not a--

MATT: Casting time on that is--?

LAURA: 10 minutes again, so it's...

MATT: So, so yeah. So you'd begun that a while back, they've been searching and searching. Okay.

LAURA: I'm going to say: Artie, I need your help again.

MATT: In the cold, soaked through, you sit there, hearing the heavy rain splashing around you in the mud. And as you concentrate and put out your prayer to the Traveler, you can feel the... the rain began to subside. Anyone's keeping a keen eye, which would probably be you just on the side, you can see that Jester, for a brief moment, there's a shimmering, invisible cloak around her for a moment. The rain seems to be splashing about an inch off of her. As you close your eyes, you feel your consciousness pulled out of you and a voice goes in your ear, (as the Traveler) "Intriguing." You see clouds and weather, darkened storms, and as you're pulled through, the heavy, thick, blizzarding snow--

LAURA: I knew it!

LIAM: Knew it.

LAURA: I fucking knew it!

MARISHA: They're together.

MATT: You see trudging through a familiar blizzard, a purple-skinned tiefling--

SAM and ASHLEY: (gasp)

MATT: -- in heavy coat and hood,

LIAM: Fucking wicked!

MATT: -- walking with a grin, and an intensity of confidence and purpose.

SAM: Oh!

TRAVIS: I have goosebumps!

MARISHA: No! No, no, don't do it--

MATT: And that's where we're going to end tonight's episode. (shouting)

TRAVIS: You can't!

MATT: Yes, I can! I can, and I did. (yelling and protesting)

LIAM: That was the ending!

TRAVIS: You are kidding me!

LIAM: Perfect! (laughs)

SAM: (tortured yell)

MATT: So! We'll pick up on there next week.

LIAM: Yeah!

ASHLEY: I want to do it now! (laughter)

LIAM: So fucking metal. I love it.

LAURA: Did you know he was going to be there? Did you already know?

TALIESIN: No, I'm not going to talk-- I'm not saying shit.

TRAVIS: No!

TALIESIN: I'm not saying shit.

SAM: Oh, so wait--

TRAVIS: No!

SAM: Wait, does scrying-- scrying-- we just scryed.

LAURA: I just scryed!

SAM: You have to know the creature.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: So that means... the body of the creature?

LAURA: The body of the creature--

MATT: The body of the creature, and the blood as a focus.

SAM: But we don't know if that's "Mollymauk."

MATT: You have no idea.

LIAM: No idea!

SAM: That body--

MARISHA: He's going to have another name--

ASHLEY: There's no way.

MARISHA: Absolutely.

MATT: You have no idea.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

ASHLEY: He died again.

MARISHA: He died again and he came back something else.

TALIESIN: Or, you know--

ASHLEY: Maybe he's got nine lives.

TALIESIN: Risen as undead, restored, could have been a dozen different things.

ASHLEY: He's not going to know us.

MARISHA: Mm-mm.

SAM: Or maybe he knows everything.

TRAVIS: Fuck me!

LAURA: I wonder if all of the rest of them, Tyffial, Zoran, Otis, they're all fucking there, too.

ASHLEY: They got to be.

MARISHA: Because if they were part of some sort of fucking order and some sort of cult in their--

LAURA: They all gathered back up!

TRAVIS: You gotta be shitting me, man!

MARISHA: Because Cree was like, "I can get the gang back together right now!"

ASHLEY: Yep.

MARISHA: So what if Cree did?

LIAM: I just want to throw out, too, like, how fucking crazy is it that so long ago, before any of this stuff was fleshed out. We called this group the fucking Mighty Nein.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, that's pretty fucked.

LIAM: Aliens! (laughter)

TALIESIN: Nine eye tattoos was pretty fucking random, too. I mean, like, I don't know how the fuck that happened.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's how the fuck that happened.

TALIESIN: But like just the interconnectedness of things.

TRAVIS: Right! You designed that before we started.

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah. That was all-- that was all before any of this shit started.

MATT: Shit gets weird.

LIAM: Cats, nine lives, Mighty Nein, Eyes of Nine.

MATT: It's crazy.

TRAVIS: We got to wait a week.

MATT: It's really wild. All righty. Well, we'll pick this up next week. Enjoy your weekend. We love you guys very much. And... Is it Thursday yet? Good night.

TRAVIS: Oh my go--

MATT: Ok! So, sorry about the cliffhanger there folks! So just a reminder, we will not be having an episode next week, October 1st due to things we have to take care of (Omar barks)

MATT: Omar agrees. Everyone is happy and fine but we will not have an episode next week. Stay tuned to our social media and or our newsletter at critrole.com/newsletter for information about our upcoming programming and we'll see you guys real soon! Alright! Bye!