Transcript:Dignity: An Adventure with Stephen Colbert

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
STEPHEN: For I (shouts) am Lucky Jack!

SAM: Keep your voice down!

ASHLEY: Whoa.

SAM: What are you doing?

STEPHEN: What? Well, you've got a camp. How can they not see that you're here?

ASHLEY: Well, that's a very good point.

STEPHEN: You have a fire going.

(epic orchestral music)

Introduction
(laughter) (exclaiming)

ASHLEY: What! (shouting) (laughter) What!

SAM: Oh!

ASHLEY: This is amazing.

SAM: What is happening?

ASHLEY: I actually really love that vest.

STEPHEN: Thank you.

ASHLEY: Like I would legit wear that.

STEPHEN: I feel like I stole this outfit from 1985 Billy Idol. (laughter)

ASHLEY: There is nothing wrong with that.

STEPHEN: What I like is my character's name is Lucky Jack and he's got this on his face. What is the unlucky option here?

ASHLEY: Maybe that's why you're lucky! Yeah. (laughter)

MATT: I guess we'll find out today.

ASHLEY: Dang. They put that on so fast.

STEPHEN: Can I leave this out here?

SAM: Yes, please! We were not told that there was a costume involved.

ASHLEY: This is commitment level.

STEPHEN: Amy. Would you get the other box?

SAM and MATT: The other box?

MATT: (laughs) What did you do?

AMY: (off-screen) The wooden box.

STEPHEN: The wooden box, thanks very much.

ASHLEY: This is a level of commitment--

STEPHEN: I fight two-handed, right?

MATT: Yeah, yeah.

STEPHEN: I got two swords, but one of them is a handaxe, but I didn't have a handaxe at home. I did have--

MATT: That's okay!

STEPHEN: -- two swords at home. I take this stuff seriously.

MARISHA: Do you want to trade places?

MATT: I can tell!

SAM: Oh my god, you're method actor?

STEPHEN: I'm deeply into my character. He just sounds like me.

MATT: Oh, here we go.

STEPHEN: Ooh.

SAM: That's a healing potion.

ASHLEY: Oh wow! Wait! What is this gorgeous box?

SAM: Are those pleather pants?

ASHLEY: Oh, you're wearing leather pants, too?

STEPHEN: You aren't?

ASHLEY: Not today!

MATT: Oh, so you have both Narsil and Sting on the table.

ASHLEY: Oh! No way! It's Sting!

SAM: Ooh!

STEPHEN: That's not any Sting.

ASHLEY: Is it the Sting?

STEPHEN: That's one of four hero swords that were used in Lord of the Rings. That's one of the Stings.

ASHLEY: No! (oohing)

MATT: I got goosebumps right now.

STEPHEN: I do, too, and every time I hold her, I go holy cow.

ASHLEY: Can I touch it?

STEPHEN: Of course!

MARISHA: I know. I want to look at the inlay.

STEPHEN: You'll notice that the handle is a little chipped and there's some blunt along the blade because I caught my sons many times playing with this and that. (laughter)

STEPHEN: Put it down! Right now!

MATT: Yeah, that's what you do.

STEPHEN: Sure.

SAM: Wow!

MATT: Oh my goodness.

ASHLEY: Whoa! Oh my god, that's heavy.

MARISHA: Ooh!

STEPHEN: Isn't that awesome?

SAM: Please don't brain us with that.

STEPHEN: It's really beautiful craftsmanship, too.

ASHLEY: Yeah, that's gorgeous.

MARISHA: Wow.

MATT: WETA guys don't mess around.

STEPHEN: I mean, I never bring them out.

MARISHA: Now's the time.

SAM: What opportunity do you have--

STEPHEN: What scenario would anyone care, other than you people?

MATT: Well...

STEPHEN: You it-getters.

MATT: I'm glad you brought them.

STEPHEN: Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited about this.

MATT: Thank you for coming back!

SAM: Thanks for coming and bringing it! Bringing all of this.

STEPHEN: Sam, Ashley, Marisha?

MARISHA: Yes.

STEPHEN: Excellent. Matt, let's do it.

MATT: Good to see, you buddy. All righty. Well, let's get things going here for a second. First off, thank you all so much for joining us and thank you for coming back for a wonderful celebration of Red Nose Day, an amazing charitable organization that helps combat childhood poverty world-round. They do incredible work, and we've already done incredible work now for a second time, raising a lot of money for this and which, while you're watching this, you can still donate to Red Nose Day and continue to make this an amazing endeavor. So as part of that, me and Stephen got together online and made your own custom character for this. Tell us a little bit about your character here. What does he look like? What's he got?

STEPHEN: His name is Lucky Jack. Scar notwithstanding. He is a, you know, Joe fighter. He's human. Background, he was an acolyte to Arioch, Duke of Chaos.

SAM: Okay.

ASHLEY: Ooh!

STEPHEN: Used to hang out--

SAM: Big fan.

STEPHEN: Used to hang out with Corum. He's got a 16 armor class. He's moderately strong, with a 16, he's fairly healthy. He's got okay dexterity at 15. He fights with a longsword and a handaxe. He's ambidextrous. And he's lucky. He's got the ability for Second Wind, Action Surge, and Luck, and I'm sure other things that, hopefully our dungeon master will remind me of as we go on.

MATT: Yes. (laughs)

STEPHEN: We did this a few weeks ago. Basically, he's pretty basic. He's a fighter.

ASHLEY: That's a good build.

STEPHEN: He's a level five fighter, nothing too extreme, nothing too talented.

SAM: Wind-swept hair, I'm assuming?

STEPHEN: Sure, sure.

ASHLEY: Yeah. (laughter)

MARISHA: The ability to smolder.

ASHLEY: Wait, did you say the Duke of Chaos, or am I just making up--

STEPHEN: Arioch, Duke of Chaos, yes, sure.

ASHLEY: That's his title.

STEPHEN: No, that's who he was an acolyte to.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

STEPHEN: He was an acolyte to Arioch, Duke of Chaos. On whom the Mabden crawl like lice. (laughter)

STEPHEN: Come on.

SAM: Obviously.

STEPHEN: I don't have to tell you people about Michael Moorcock, right?

SAM: We got this.

STEPHEN: We don't have to be getting to The Eternal Champion.

SAM: No, no.

STEPHEN: All right.

MATT: Well, just as a reference point, if you want to hand that over. Here is your miniature to keep of--

STEPHEN: What? Is this for me?

MATT: -- Lucky Jack. This is for you. It's Lucky Jack.

STEPHEN: Awesome!

MATT: A keepsake for this.

STEPHEN: He's got glasses on. I don't. But we'll get them. (laughter)

MARISHA: That's fantastic.

STEPHEN: That is beautiful. Hang out right there, buddy.

MATT: All righty.

ASHLEY: Look at him! Let me see this. Look at his glasses!

SAM: (laughs)

MARISHA: I know! I love it! (laughter)

STEPHEN: Do you take notes?

MARISHA: I do. I am a voracious note-taker.

STEPHEN: And how does that help? You got to understand. I played Dungeons & Dragons with you three years ago? Two years ago, before COVID, before COVID.

MATT: Yeah, yeah.

STEPHEN: And before that, about 1983.

MATT: Yeah.

STEPHEN: Solidly from '77 to '83, obsessively. So, no one took notes, and back then AD&D was as good as you could get.

MATT: Yeah, yeah.

STEPHEN: And how long ago, do people still play AD&D at all?

MATT: People still do, yeah, to this day. They play every edition up to the current fifth edition, yeah.

STEPHEN: Okay.

ASHLEY: Wait, was that the first edition?

STEPHEN: The first edition was Dungeons & Dragons. Just Dungeons & Dragons and it was like a pamphlet. And then, that'd be called Beginners, because then these three books came out called Men and Magic; Gods, Demi-Gods and Heroes.

MATT: Yep.

STEPHEN: Then there was one other, I can't remember what the other of the three books were. And we only bought one copy of each and then Roy Slotchiver's dad had a Xerox machine at his office. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Yes, Roy!

STEPHEN: Don't tell Gary Gygax.

ASHLEY: No, no!

SAM: He's watching.

STEPHEN: And restapled it, yeah.

ASHLEY: Hey, that's the way to do it, man.

STEPHEN: Yeah.

ASHLEY: We did that with my friends, but it was a well-known cookbook instead. (laughter)

MATT: Well.

ASHLEY: We don't have to talk about that, though.

MATT: On that note. (laughter)

MARISHA: Let's not get demonetized.

ASHLEY: No.

MATT: Let's go ahead and jump into--

Gameplay
MATT: Let's start here on your end. On the Exandrian continent of Wildemount, tensions rise between warring factions. Empires posture and rumors of coming war cast a dark cloud over the central region, bisected by the Ashkeeper Peaks. You, Jack, had grown a strong and pious man. A warrior acolyte in the Temple of Arioch, you studied the intersection between drive and virtue and worked to display and teach your philosophies to those who needed guidance and protection as you saw fit, within your philosophical endeavors, in the city of Bladegarden. This life, quiet sometimes, tense at others, but kept you busy and content. But conflict and tragedy was still looming beyond your doorstep. In the dark, rain-soaked night, mysterious figures swathed in shadowed leather stole into your temple, carving a trail of violence. As the cries of your compatriots shattered the evening stillness, you rushed to the temple atrium to find your mentor, Laelia, already left slain, and the holy jeweled relic, known as the Spirit of Virtue, or colloquially as Dignity, taken. You lost your dignity. You rushed out as the temple caught flame and caught up to the cackling leader of this murderous, brigand group under the storm. A fiendish woman stood before you. Emerald of skin, with long jet-black hair. Her gnarled curling horns and viper-like eyes looked towards your with a gleeful grin as she chuckled. Otherwordly power brimming from her that made your skin and blood run cold. "What delightful arrogance! What brings this pup before me? Delusions of vengeance, perhaps? I do love the bravery and ignorance of the faithful. Come then, show Madrak how loud you can scream (laughs)." With fury in your eyes, you rushed into the duel, only to be briskly cut down. Your leg tendons cut, your symbol of Arioch broken. And left for dead. As darkness took you, you recall her maniacal laughter as she and her cutthroats left with both Dignity and your dignity. Your will endured and once recovered from your wounds, you began a path towards recovering both that were lost and perhaps a taste of vengeance on your lips. Many others claimed the attack was carried out by the Kryn Dynasty, the foreign faction mired in growing conflict, but you know what you saw, and those murderers were not of the Kryn. They moved and killed with infernal blessing. In spending many months training and researching where this Madrak might be, you managed to uncover rumors of her band taking up residence within a tower deep into the blasted badlands of Xhorhas. A broken wasteland of rock and scars from the ancient cataclysm known as the Calamity. Is there anything you wish to prepare before you left for this journey, any particular odd objects or are you feeling confident with what you have?

STEPHEN: I'm cool.

ASHLEY: Look at you taking notes right now.

STEPHEN: What? I have no idea what I'm going to do with these. (laughter)

MATT: That's the point.

STEPHEN: Every word I don't recognize, I'm trying to understand whether I might need to remember them later. That's it.

SAM: You definitely won't.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughter)

STEPHEN: That's why I was asking you. All right, we're good, because I was never very good at school.

MATT: Perfect.

ASHLEY: (laughs)

STEPHEN: I did this instead.

MATT: You set out with a compatriot that you made through your training, who also helped during your recovery. A brave bee, named Eric the Second, warrior of his father's name and a valiant seeker of justice. This tiny bee with his own little set of armor. As well as a holy relic of your order. Oddly, this relic, which you have to you there, is called the Battleaxe of the Gentle Path. It is the little card to your right. It is a powerful magical weapon. It is also alive and has some opinions on its use for violence.

STEPHEN: Mm-hmm.

MATT: So while it does some good damage, it doesn't really want to hurt things, and when you roll to attack with it, if you choose to do so, you roll twice and take the lower number. But if you hit, it can do some serious damage.

STEPHEN: Okay.

MATT: It also talks, by the way, if ever want to consult it.

STEPHEN: Got it!

SAM: I can't wait to hear Gilbert Gottfried's voice.

STEPHEN: Do I know where I got it?

MATT: It was a relic of your temple.

STEPHEN: A relic of the temple?

MATT: You pulled it from the wreckage and went, this will help me in my journey, and it was like, "Please, I don't want to hurt anyone. Don't take me with you. We're fine. You can leave me here. Maybe give me away to some nice kids to play with. It'll be great!"

STEPHEN: Okay, I've got to say, a weapon that doesn't actually want to be used sometimes is one of the most chaotic things I can imagine. Gift from the temple. (laughter)

MATT: Beautiful, beautiful.

STEPHEN: Okay.

MATT: You took to this dangerous region of Xhorhas for weeks, narrowly avoiding the wild moorbounders and fiendish beasts that stalk the valley, until finally you walked upon the long-abandoned, jagged, rust-covered Tower of Desolace. As clouds gather and a small camp that sits outside its entrance, a tiny fire, freeing a wispy cloud of ominous smoke. What do you do?

STEPHEN: Is there anyone in the camp?

MATT: You see a few figures in the distance. They don't notice you.

STEPHEN: Am I alone?

MATT: It's you and your bee, and your battleaxe.

STEPHEN: Can I send the bee to do reconnaissance?

MATT: You can indeed.

STEPHEN: Send the bee into the camp. Send Eric into the camp.

MATT: Eric wonders off and returns. (bee buzzing) Says there's a few rough- looking figures and a goblin.

STEPHEN: And we're by a tower?

MATT: You're looking now from a nearby bush at the dark Tower of Desolace.

STEPHEN: But there's a camp around it?

MATT: There's a camp right at the base of it. They don't notice you, though. It seems.

STEPHEN: Can I go around them to get into the tower?

MATT: They are near the entrance, unfortunately.

STEPHEN: I go into the camp.

MATT: Okay, carefully or do you stroll right in?

STEPHEN: No, carefully, I creep up to the edge of the camp to listen.

MATT: Perfect, roll a stealth check. Roll a d20 and add your stealth skill in your character sheet.

MARISHA: First roll!

ASHLEY: First roll!

MARISHA: First roll!

SAM: This is everything, Stephen!

ASHLEY: Let's go!

SAM: This is the world!

MARISHA: Do not mess this up!

STEPHEN: Stealth, plus two.

MATT: Great.

STEPHEN: 17.

MARISHA: Ooh!

ASHLEY: Plus two, wait is that his--

STEPHEN: 19.

MATT: 19. (oohing)

MATT: Okay.

STEPHEN: Okay.

MATT: You feel pretty confident that you're not being noticed and as you creep up from the nearby bush, you can see one figure stands there clutching a large sword. You can't make out too many details, but it looks like a dangerous weapon, an implement of war. The figure closest to you that you don't notice is this hooded goblin creature. You see long ears poking from behind a dark hood. What do you do?

STEPHEN: I don't necessarily know that these people are foes, is the issue. Can I throw something across the camp to see how they react to a sound?

MATT: Sure.

STEPHEN: Okay. So I find a pebble or something like that, or a small stone, and I (whistles). Can I whip it at the back of-- Who's farthest away?

MATT: Furthest away would be a small muscular female figure with short dark hair, wraps on her hands, who's in the process of warming her hands in the fire.

STEPHEN: Whip it at her and see, just whip it. I'm not looking to do damage, I'm looking just to get her attention. What do I--?

MATT: Roll a d20 and add your strength modifier.

STEPHEN: Strength modifier's plus six.

MATT: Great, go for it.

STEPHEN: 21.

MATT: 21. Bing, a pebble hits you right between the eyes.

MARISHA: Ow!

ASHLEY: What happened?

MARISHA: Ow!

SAM: Are you okay, what happened?

MARISHA: You messing with me? That was you, wasn't it?

SAM: That wasn't me this time, I swear.

ASHLEY: What are you throwing things at her for? I didn't do anything.

SAM: If I wanted to play a prank, you would know I would play a prank. This was not me.

MARISHA: Hang on, shut up, shut up, shut up for a minute. Do I hear anything?

MATT: What's your passive perception?

MARISHA: 13.

MATT: No, you do not.

MARISHA: A rock didn't fall out of the sky.

ASHLEY: Well, how do you know? Yeah, I know, that doesn't make any sense.

MARISHA: Fair point.

SAM: She's saying we're being watched. I draw my crossbow and start scanning the perimeter for any danger,

ASHLEY: I pull out my sword,

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: Okay. Oh, it's terrible, five. (laughter)

ASHLEY: I think we're safe.

MATT: You watch as the goblin whips around maybe a few feet from you and is aiming well over your head, you are completely unseen.

SAM: Totally clear over here.

STEPHEN: Without revealing my location, without standing up, let's say, is it my turn?

MATT: It is.

STEPHEN: Without standing up, I say: Hello.

SAM: The forest speaks.

MARISHA: Ghosts.

ASHLEY: Who-who is there?

STEPHEN: A traveler. Who do you serve?

SAM: Oh. That's a good question.

MARISHA: Who do we serve? I feel like we've only served ourselves.

SAM: I'll handle this.

MARISHA: All right.

SAM: We serve no man.

STEPHEN: Do you serve a woman with horns?

ASHLEY: Definitely not.

SAM: Very specific.

ASHLEY: That does sound very specific. No, no, say no, say no.

MARISHA: Is he talking about Jester?

SAM: We know a woman with horns, but she's really cute. She eats a lot of pastries, but no, we do not, we serve no one, we're harmless.

STEPHEN: Lower your weapons, we have you surrounded.

SAM: "We"?

ASHLEY: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

SAM: I think we better, I think we better listen.

ASHLEY: Why?

SAM: Because it's clear-- it's an invisible-- I have such good perception, I didn't see anything, they're invisible.

ASHLEY: My sword is lowered.

MARISHA: My staff is raised.

SAM: I will lower my crossbow.

STEPHEN: Is he closest to me?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

STEPHEN: All right, I stand up and reveal myself and say: Hold, hold.

ASHLEY: Oh!

STEPHEN: I have no problem with any of you, I am looking for what I perceive to be a witch, or a sorceress named Madrak. Do you know who this is?

SAM: Do we know who this is?

MATT: You do. This is actually a figure that you yourselves have been chasing for some time after hearing about some terrible encounters that people nearby and in the local outskirts of the Empire have been dealt terrible tragedies because of.

ASHLEY: This is so wild, because we actually have also been looking for this... Madrak.

SAM: You got it.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

STEPHEN: You may be surprised that we are looking for the same people, but I am not, for I (shouts) am Lucky Jack!

SAM: Keep your voice down, what are you doing?

STEPHEN: Is there someone around here we should be worried about?

SAM: There's a tower right there.

STEPHEN: But you've got a camp, how could they not see that you're here in the camp?

MARISHA: That's a fair point.

ASHLEY: Well, that's a very good point.

STEPHEN: You have a fire going.

MATT: In the loud bursts of self-proclaimed title shouting here at the base of the tower, you hear the grinding of stone as two perched gargoyle-like creatures that you perceived previously to be just part of the entryway of the twisted metal gate that leads into this tower begin to shift. They both leap down (growls). They're both clutching a spear in one hand and they have these gnarled claws in the other before they rush towards you. Everyone, please roll initiative.

MARISHA: Oh!

SAM: d20 plus initiative.

MATT: They rolled a natural one on that, that's bad.

STEPHEN: Hold on.

SAM: The worst.

ASHLEY: Ooh, ooh!

STEPHEN: Where's my--?

SAM: Initiative would be top centerish.

MARISHA: That box.

STEPHEN: Top center.

MARISHA: Two.

STEPHEN: Okay, there we go. (laughs)

MARISHA: Oh no.

STEPHEN: Three!

MATT: You still beat them!

STEPHEN: Wow, they rolled a--

SAM: I got a two. (laughter)

SAM: You are lucky.

MATT: Okay, Beau?

MARISHA: I rolled an 18.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I-- 21.

SAM: Ooh, dang.

MATT: Dang, all right, Yasha, you're up first.

SAM: Big spread.

MATT: Which, if you want to do a quick description of what Lucky Jack sees as you rush into battle.

ASHLEY: What you see is an extremely tall, quietly intimidating aasimar barbarian. Black roots, white hair coming down at the bottom, very pale skin, one blue eye, one purple eye. Scars everywhere. Very, very tough and scary. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Okay, so I am going to-- Here's what I'm going to do. I am going to bamf out my skeletal wings and show my Necrotic Shroud so that the gargoyles will be frightened.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: (mumbled reading) "-- deal extra necrotic damage." Okay.

MATT: Got it, so they both are very much caught off-guard by this display of a dark angelic bloodline that you carry within you. Both of these stone creatures, as they come forward (grunts), begin to hold a line. They went from full aggression to uncertain. That is your action, I believe, right?

ASHLEY: That is my action, because that is a full-- That's an action.

MATT: All right, so you held the line but you have your two-handed sword.

ASHLEY: I have my Magician's Judge ready to go.

MATT: All righty, fantastic. Finishing your go, Beau, you're up, with Jack, you're on deck.

MARISHA: So you see a very buff woman, short, dark hair tied up in a bow with an undercut, striking blue eyes, she's got wraps wrapped around her and is wielding a bo staff with long, draping, teal and dark blue robes over top of it.

SAM: Definitely write down the word "teal."

MARISHA: Yeah, teal, uh-huh, that's the important takeaway.

STEPHEN: And "undercut." (laughter)

MARISHA: She looks good.

STEPHEN: Sure.

MARISHA: Yeah, you're like, "Mm, she looks like a badass." I turn to you and I say: Time to show us what you're worth, Jack. I bolt in and I'm going to go to the gargoyle on the right.

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: Give my bo staff a twirl, (grunts), coming at it with a big swinging blow.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: First attack, 18.

MATT: 18 hits.

MARISHA: Ooh, yeah, that's good. 11 damage.

MATT: 11 points of damage. Crack, with a heavy resounding impact, the stone cracks a bit and its shoulder seems to drop. It's still holding onto the spear but you can see it's taken a heavy hit.

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

MATT: All right. That is a 15.

MARISHA: Saves

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I'm going to take my bonus action to do my Flurry of Blows.

MATT: You do get two attacks, too, as your main action.

MARISHA: That's right, but bon-- Oh, right.

MATT: Take two strikes.

MARISHA: Not as good, 15.

MATT: 15 still hits.

MARISHA: Yay!

MATT: They're big creatures and they're not too quick.

MARISHA: Nine damage.

MATT: Nine damage, all righty.

MARISHA: And a-pop pop. Oh, those are terrible. That was horrible.

MATT: Yeah, misses entirely.

MARISHA: Okay, yeah, not too shabby, nine damage.

MATT: Nine damage, okay. So that one crumbles under the multitude of rapid impact blows that you land upon it. You watch as it begins to break. It takes its spear back, about to stab you, and your final impact hits it on the side of the head and the head cracks open, sending bits of shale and pebbles across the ground. It folds in on itself and collapses, whatever sort of magical incantation that held it together now dispersed. So there's only one standing.

MARISHA: Going to throw my bangs out of my face and look over at Jack.

STEPHEN: All right, well, I can't let that stand.

MATT: Okay, okay, it's your turn.

STEPHEN: So not only am I going to do my two-weapon fighting, but I'm also going to use my action surge, so I get four attacks, right?

MATT: (laughs) Oh, yes you do!

STEPHEN: Okay, well, can I elect halfway through whether I need the action surge?

MATT: You can, and hold onto that because you only get one action surge this entire adventure.

STEPHEN: That's what I mean, that's why I'm going to--

MATT: You can do your two attacks and then decide then if you want to.

STEPHEN: Because I feel fairly guilty here, because I'm the one who got the attention of the gargoyles. (laughter) But I assumed that there wasn't anything immediately at hand, because again, you pitched a camp right in front of the tower.

SAM: It was a quiet camp.

STEPHEN: I saw it. (laughter)

STEPHEN: This doesn't make any sense. This world doesn't make a lot of sense. So the gargoyles respond to sound, not sight, is what I'm figuring out.

MATT: It seems that's the case.

STEPHEN: First, I'm going with--

SAM: They're like T-Rexes,

STEPHEN: -- my longsword first,

SAM: but with sound.

STEPHEN: Longsword first.

MATT: You got it.

STEPHEN: So that's--

MARISHA: This is Alan Grant.

STEPHEN: What do I-- How do I adjust based on strength, is it a plus?

MATT: Should be on the, next to the--

STEPHEN: Strength plus three?

MATT: In the middle of your sheet, it says longsword, there should be a plus seven or something there?

STEPHEN: A plus seven, there you go, baby.

MATT: There you go.

STEPHEN: Oh damn.

MARISHA: Lucky Jack!

STEPHEN: Nine.

MATT: A total of nine? (laughs)

STEPHEN: Two!

MATT: (laughs)

STEPHEN: (overdramatic sword swinging) Just warming up.

SAM: Yeah, yeah.

STEPHEN: Just warming up, all that is.

MATT: There you go, the first strike, it impacts, but it glances off, the creature hasn't even paid attention to you yet, it's still focused on her and her wings.

STEPHEN: Okay, and then a handaxe.

MATT: Handaxe, go for it.

STEPHEN: A 20, 27.

ASHLEY: Wait, was that a natural 20?

MARISHA: Natural 20.

ASHLEY: Oh man!

MATT: That's a critical hit, so you get to double the dice on that.

STEPHEN: Okay, so it's eight, right?

MATT: For the handaxe, it's a d6.

STEPHEN: d6. Four plus, is there anything?

MATT: Plus the other dice.

STEPHEN: No, no, that's together. It's two and two.

MATT: A total of four, plus whatever the damage bonus is on the handaxe, which should be three, I--

STEPHEN: Six. No, no, no, that's, no, it's three. So six then, because one for every die, right?

MATT: Yeah, yeah, so you hit with the handaxe. You strike with the longsword, it goes wide. The handaxe cracks in with a heavy resounding thunk at the base of the creature's head and now you have its attention. It turns towards you, and there's vacant gaps where the eyes would be. You do pick up from this point that their statue elements are based more on sound than not. Now that you've hit them, they turn over, attention in your direction, the mouth cracks open. You still have one more attack with your longsword if you'd like to, because you attacked twice with one hand, and then you do your two-handed fighting with your off-hand. Fighters are good.

SAM: Dope.

STEPHEN: Five plus seven is 12.

MATT: 12 actually is their armor class, so that does barely hit.

STEPHEN: Wow, okay. And one die eight.

MATT: One die eight.

MARISHA: Yeah.

STEPHEN: Four, is that four, no, that's seven. Seven plus four.

MATT: Seven plus four, all right, that's 13 onto that. That, it's looking real hurt. That second sword blow cracks into it and it (cracks), it lurches and cracks are appearing across its body (growls). It takes its spear back and it's about to go for your belly. Is that the end of your turn?

STEPHEN: That's the end of my turn.

MATT: Okay, that brings us to you, Nott. They rolled a one on their initiative, so.

SAM: Gotcha. What you see before you is a small female goblin form. Green skin, big yellow eyes, jagged teeth, clad in gray rags, looks very jittery, also clutches, in addition to the crossbow, a flask of booze, which you see her take a big swig of just to psych herself up for the battle. She charges into the fray, taking a lead from you, saying: By the way, my name is Nott the Brave! I will charge into battle, and I'm going to pounce on the face of this creature and deliver a Shocking Grasp to it, injecting some electric energy into it.

MATT: Go for it, so roll for the attack on that.

SAM: Natural 20. (cheering)

STEPHEN: Wow.

ASHLEY: The table's hot.

MATT: Apparently. We've got two crits in the opening battle.

SAM: Okay, seven doubled, so 14 electric lightning damage.

MATT: 14, how do you want to do this?

SAM: Oh!

MARISHA: Oh!

SAM: I pounced on its face, sort of covering it with my whole tiny goblin body. Right before I deliver the electric charge, I glance over to Lucky Jack with sort of a cocky grin, saying: This is how we do it (screams). I'll just release the energy, exploding its head, if possible.

MATT: Yeah, as you're pulling on the two empty eye sockets backwards, the crack down the center of its face, it starts to scream, and as you pull away, what would normally be just the dark shadow interior of this statue-like creature, is filled with this bright blue sparkling energy (crackles). As you pull it apart, it's a (poof), a blast of energy that immediately goes dark as it crumples into a pile of shale.

SAM: (pants) I take a big swig of booze.

STEPHEN: And that's why they call me Lucky Jack. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Well, quite impressive.

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: Pretty handy.

STEPHEN: You three seem pretty fierce yourselves.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm Beau, by the way.

STEPHEN: You're Beau?

MARISHA: I'm Beau. I know, I use a bo staff. It's not meant to be cute, I don't like talking about it. That's Yasha.

ASHLEY: Hello.

STEPHEN: Hello.

ASHLEY: Very nice to meet you. I really like the whole ensemble that you have on.

STEPHEN: Thank you, I made it myself.

ASHLEY: Wow.

STEPHEN: Yeah.

ASHLEY: You are a very wonderful seamstress as well.

STEPHEN: It was part of the training at the temple. We had to make our own outfits.

ASHLEY: What temple?

STEPHEN: We didn't call them outfits; we called them vestments. I called them outfits, I don't know about vestments.

ASHLEY: What temple?

STEPHEN: The temple of Duke Arioch of Chaos. Did we write it down?

ASHLEY: Yes, we did.

STEPHEN: I wrote, it was the--

SAM: Oh boy.

STEPHEN: Hold on. Ashmount.

SAM: The Temple of Notebook.

STEPHEN: Blake Garde? The Temple of Blake Garde, is that what it is?

MATT: Bladegarden is the city that the temple resides in.

STEPHEN: Bladegarden. The attack that Laelia-- Is that Laelia? Who's Laelia? Laelia is the priestess who died?

MATT: Yeah.

STEPHEN: Okay.

MATT: So the Temple of Arioch.

STEPHEN: The Temple of Arioch, Duke of Chaos.

SAM: We've heard of this place.

STEPHEN: It has been destroyed.

ASHLEY: (gasps)

STEPHEN: By Madrak. This is why I seek her.

SAM: For revenge?

STEPHEN: And for my dignity.

SAM: Oh.

STEPHEN: And for the talisman, the Spirit of Virtue that we call Dignity.

ASHLEY: Oh, so it's a--

MARISHA: There are two dignities?

STEPHEN: There's two dignities. My dignity because she defeated me.

MARISHA: Okay, sure.

STEPHEN: Then there's-- She defeated me while I was trying to get back from her a talisman of virtue, the Spirit of Virtue called Dignity.

SAM: Lucky Jack, may I ask you a question before we proceed further? Because I think we would we would like to join your cause and combine forces, if that's all right with you.

STEPHEN: I would be grateful for your help.

SAM: My name is Nott, by the way.

STEPHEN: Nott.

SAM: My one question to you: Is there a Lucky Jill? A Mrs. Lucky Jack?

STEPHEN: No, we take a vow.

SAM: So you're--

STEPHEN: We take a vow of celibacy.

SAM: So you're single, then?

STEPHEN: Yes, but again, a vow of celibacy.

SAM: I'm not familiar with--

STEPHEN: Celibacy means you don't have physical contact. You don't have romantic entanglements with other creatures.

SAM: But come on, just a little bit?

STEPHEN: We do a little because it's a temple of chaos.

SAM: Oh, okay. (laughter)

STEPHEN: It's in the book. It's in the book, so we have to at least lip service to it.

MARISHA: Sure.

STEPHEN: So wait, wait. So Nott, Beau, and--

ASHLEY: Yasha.

STEPHEN: Yasha. Jack, you can call me Jack.

SAM: LJ?

STEPHEN: Sure, LJ.

MATT: (thunder rumbles) The storm grows ever thicker.

STEPHEN: There was a storm?

MATT: Indeed.

STEPHEN: Okay.

MATT: Clouds gathering ahead as a soft rain begins to hit that reminds you of the night of your previous failure. Flashes of dark energy and faintly purplish lightning begin to strike and gather above the tower. Time grows short.

MARISHA: Does it seem to be emanating from the tower?

MATT: It seems to be definitely focusing around the space above the tower.

STEPHEN: You seek Madrak, I seek Madrak. And why are you guys seeking her again?

MARISHA: Because she sucks.

STEPHEN: Right.

ASHLEY: Yes.

STEPHEN: Anything to add to that?

ASHLEY: She's just, yeah, she's the worst.

MATT: (laughs)

STEPHEN: No fight here.

ASHLEY: We do love a mission of vengeance.

STEPHEN: Are you here-- Is she in the tower? Do you know if she's in the tower? Is this her tower?

SAM: We were told that she was here and we tracked her to this place--

STEPHEN: How do you guys feel about going inside?

ASHLEY: I say we go inside.

STEPHEN: How many entrances are there? Do we see any other entrance than the one in front of us?

MATT: Make a perception check. Roll a d20 and add your perception modifier. (laughs)

STEPHEN: Uh-huh, perception plus one, not great. Six.

MATT: Six.

SAM: Terrible.

MATT: Just those big twisted iron gates in the front. Hmm.

SAM: We only arrived and haven't scouted the place yet. Do you think we should go through the front door, or try to scale it, or what? What's looking good?

STEPHEN: Windows are for cheaters.

SAM: Oh.

MARISHA: Wait, who said that?

STEPHEN: Windows are for cheaters? A bard from an alternate universe I went to once.

MARISHA: Oh.

STEPHEN: Winners use the door.

SAM: Okay.

ASHLEY: Let's do it.

MARISHA: I don't know, I like windows. This feels aggressive towards windows, but let's do it! Let's go through the gate.

ASHLEY: I'm going to walk up to the gate and see if it's unlocked.

SAM: You're just going to try it?

ASHLEY: Well, I don't know!

SAM: Okay, okay, go!

STEPHEN: They're twisted, why would they still be locked?

ASHLEY: This is true. (laughter)

MARISHA: Jiggy the handle.

MATT: They are quite bent and wrecked, but you do see a heavy chain that wraps around the center of the two main gate bars that holds it shut.

MARISHA: Is there a lock?

MATT: You can see dangling, heavy old iron lock on it, yeah.

SAM: I could try to pick this lock and get us through, or we could try to bash it, I suppose.

STEPHEN: I mean, if you can pick it, that saves a little--

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nott, get in there.

SAM: I will blow on my fingers and cast Mage Hand.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Making a spectral hand going up holding my thieves' tools and I will try to pick the lock remotely in case it blows up or something.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Oh, this dice was a journey.

MATT: 21, okay. As the spectral hands finish placing the final bits of the lockpick past the final tumbler, it clicks and hangs open and the chains fall limp.

MARISHA: Wow.

STEPHEN: Good job!

SAM: Yeah, thank you.

STEPHEN: Good job. What's your profession?

SAM: My profession?

STEPHEN: Are you a thief?

SAM: I'm a bit of a thief, a bit of a rogue. I have a little bit of magic, too. Why do you ask?

STEPHEN: I'm just curious. I haven't asked what everybody does for a living. I'm a fighter. That's my calling. I was one of the people who was supposed to defend the temple, which is why I lost my dignity. Not only an acolyte of Arioch, but I was there to defend the priests and the other acolytes.

ASHLEY: You failed.

STEPHEN: I completely failed, hence my dignity's gone. What is it-- What is your training?

ASHLEY: My training, I am a fighter, essentially, as well. I'm a g-- a sword for hire. Not a gun for hire, I don't know what a gun is. (laughter)

STEPHEN: Right, sure. Yes, and yourself?

MARISHA: Also, a bit of a martial class as well, but I like using my fists, getting up close and personal.

STEPHEN: Were you trained in a--

MARISHA: I'm more of a martial arts...

STEPHEN: -- temple of some kind?

MARISHA: Yeah, so, this group, they're more like librarian monks.

STEPHEN: Okay.

MARISHA: Yeah. And hey, I want to tell you, man, I think you're being too hard on yourself.

STEPHEN: I don't think I'm being hard enough.

SAM: We've all suffered losses and defeats.

STEPHEN: (yells) Not like mine! Shh! Quiet. Don't upset me. (laughter)

SAM: I'm sorry.

STEPHEN: All right.

SAM and ASHLEY: Did you cause any of this?

ASHLEY: Is this you?

STEPHEN: I think so. (laughter)

SAM: Your rage is meteorological. (laughter)

STEPHEN: I don't know what that means, but let's go inside.

SAM: Okay, okay, okay.

ASHLEY: Let's do it.

STEPHEN: Okay.

MATT: Okay, you step up to the freshly broken chains, pull them aside and open the gates. As your group steps past the threshold suddenly a series of runes begin to glow (boof boof boof) on ground around you--

SAM: We didn't check! a surging blast of infernal energy begins to fill the space. I need everyone to make dexterity saving throws.

ASHLEY and MARISHA: Oh no!

MATT: So roll a d20, add your dexterity saving throw. Should be on the upper left.

MARISHA: Ooh, yucky.

STEPHEN: 14.

MATT: 14, that's a success.

SAM: Lucky.

ASHLEY: 15.

MATT: Success.

SAM: Nine.

MARISHA: 12.

MATT: Okay, so Lucky Jack and Yasha, you both only take

MARISHA: Oh...

STEPHEN: Oh shoot!

SAM: Can I dodge this? Or is it a magical effect or area effect?

MATT: You can, so you take half that.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: Do you have uncanny dodge as an ability?

SAM: I do.

MATT: Yeah, then yeah.

SAM: I do. Yes.

MATT: So yeah, so you take the 12. Okay, so you managed to just dive out of the way--

STEPHEN: You and I took 12?

ASHLEY: Took 12.

MATT: Looks like some sort of an infernal trap had been set there at the base of the tower that you unfortunately set off, but it is now dormant and you look a little scarred, a little burned, but here into the entry foyer of this partially ruined tower. You can already see within the space here. It's surprisingly well-maintained. The dusty floor covers, and rough-hewn walls harbor two curving staircases that climb upward into a secondary floor above, while a large eight by eight-foot grate sits across the room on the floor.

MARISHA: I mean, it feels like we should go up the stairs, right?

STEPHEN: I'd like to see what's in that grate.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Do we have a light source?

STEPHEN: Well, I don't get to make the decision here. I want to, let's get the t-- because when I said, "Let's go in," I assumed we were going to go more cautiously. I feel a little responsible for the fire damage you guys-- everybody took.

ASHLEY: Well, we probably should've checked for traps.

MARISHA: We have a--

STEPHEN: How do you feel about checking the grate?

SAM: Honestly, I think we just took your name as being sort of a good omen, but maybe it's not. So...

MATT: (chuckles)

ASHLEY: But you survived whatever that was so...

STEPHEN: Yes, yes, but I lost my dignity.

ASHLEY: So this is, you got this at the temple.

STEPHEN: I got this scar from Madrak, yes.

MARISHA: Oh...

ASHLEY: Okay, let's check up--

MARISHA: She really sucks.

ASHLEY: She sucks.

SAM: She's the worst. Do we have any light sources?

ASHLEY: I have Light.

SAM: Oh.

ASHLEY: I forgot I had this. (laughter)

SAM: I don't think you ever used that.

ASHLEY: I don't think I ever used it in a game. (laughter)

ASHLEY: So I take out my hand. A little light comes out.

MATT: All right, globe of light begins to apparate from her hand and--

ASHLEY: It's hot.

MATT: -- fill the space with a warm soft, soft white-yellow light. As it does, a shape "Ah!" skitters off into the corner of the room and clutches against the wall. You all glance over towards it and you see maybe a two and a half, three-foot tall, thin-looking humanoid creature with large, leathery, bat-like wings. It clusters to the wall, looks back, the light bouncing off of its eyes in that creepy flashlight against the cat at night type of a look. It "(pants) New friends? New friends? How exciting! I like new friends. Guests who wish to talk, yes? You wish to talk?"

SAM: Yes, yes, we mean you no harm... yet.

MATT: It leaps off the wall.

MARISHA: Ah!

MATT: And lands onto the ground about 10 feet from you right by where the grate is. And "(pants)." You see, as it glances at you, its jaw's off-kilter to the side, jagged, broken teeth. It looks like it's seen some rough days, but definitely has a deep maroon brown, fiendish coloration to it that has almost a scaly texture. It resembles, in some ways, some of the devil creatures that wander the wastes of Xhorhas. But its eyes are wide and it glances towards you with a very-- a pitiful expression. "Oh, please, this tower is lonely. It's cruel! Cruel men taken the upper floor. So I just need friends. Be friends, right?"

ASHLEY: You said that cruel men have taken the upstairs?

MATT: "Yes, cruel, cruel men. (groans)"

SAM: Any of them women as well named Madrak?

MATT: "Oh right, it was unfair for me to lump the sex. Both sexes, all sexes, into a singular phrase. The people have taken the tower. That is on me, my apologies."

STEPHEN: Is any of them have green skin and horns?

MATT: "Yes. Yes! One big nasty one hurt me lots."

STEPHEN: So this was your tower originally?

MATT: "This and other ruins, places I call home. Stay quiet, stay away, not many friends."

SAM: Do you have a name?

MATT: "I am called Bozyn."

SAM: Bozyn?

MATT: "Are you Bozyn's friend?"

ASHLEY: We can be.

STEPHEN: We're not Bozyn's enemies.

ASHLEY: Yes.

STEPHEN: How about that?

SAM: Yeah, yeah, that's a good start.

STEPHEN: Can we agree on that?

SAM: That's a good start.

STEPHEN: Bozyn, what's in the grate what's in-- What's in there? You hang out here. What's down there?

MATT: "That is water filled dungeon, many floating bodies. Old kept things, bones, and pieces and items left behind."

SAM: I like items.

STEPHEN: Oh wow. Did you see Madrak drop anything in there when she came in here? Did she fight you, by the way?

MATT: "She... Bozyn does not fight. Bozyn takes hits." (awwing)

STEPHEN: Oh, well, after you took the hits did you see her drop anything in there?

MATT: "They brought in person. Made angry yells towards. Killed and dropped them within before climbing to tower. Make ritual. (groans)"

SAM: Ritual? Sounds dangerous.

STEPHEN: Made ritual with the dead body?

MATT: "Brought part of it up, yes."

MARISHA: Oh.

STEPHEN: The heart?

MATT: "Maybe."

STEPHEN: Do you know where heart is?

MATT: "No."

STEPHEN: What part? Was it from around here? Would they cut this part out?

MATT: "Yeah, yeah, carved into booby." (laughter)

STEPHEN: Thanks, let's not get technical here.

SAM: So you don't know what a heart is, but you're cool on boobies. (laughter)

MATT: "I only read what I find around here."

STEPHEN: I understand.

MATT: "Strange magazines left in wild places." (laughter)

SAM: They have--

STEPHEN: Exactly.

SAM: -- fold outs?

MATT: "They're just stuck together."

STEPHEN: My brother found them in the woods.

MATT: "Oh yes, many do, many do."

SAM: Maybe we can find some of those down in the grate. Should we investigate to see if there's anything down there useful to us?

STEPHEN: Well, though it's in the water. Can any of us swim? I'm in armor.

ASHLEY: I could probably-- Yeah, we could probably do it.

MATT: Hold the light and look over the grate and the grate looks a little flimsy. It's-- you can probably climb in carefully. The water, as you hold your light over it, looks maybe about two feet deep, not terrible.

ASHLEY: Oh okay, we can stand in there.

STEPHEN: Sure.

ASHLEY: I'm going to start looking around. Seeing if there's anything that matches the description of the Spirit of Virtue.

STEPHEN: How big is the Spirit of Virtue?

MATT: It is about the size of a crown.

STEPHEN: Okay.

MATT: It is a jeweled relic, a reliquary that contains ashes of previous ashes of acolytes, the Duke of Chaos.

STEPHEN: Got it.

MARISHA: I'll hop in and assist Yasha.

SAM: You're both going down?

MARISHA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: (splashes) Are you following or staying up top?

STEPHEN: Staying up top.

SAM: I'll stay with Lucky Jack.

MATT and STEPHEN: (giggles)

SAM: Just you and me up here.

STEPHEN: Yes, I know, I'm aware. I can count. (laughter)

MATT: You may both make investigation checks. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Hopefully it's not a bad idea to jump in here.

MARISHA: Let's see, let's see. Let's do this one.

ASHLEY: Let's see.

MATT: Mildew, old still water rot hits your senses.

MARISHA: Natural 19 for 24 total.

SAM: Ooh!

MATT: Oof.

ASHLEY: 11.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Oh, okay.

MATT: You kick through a few bloated rat corpses and some elements of fungus that have began to settle on the top of elements of the hard water. You do find a number of corpses that were recently kept within some cells that have since been left open and floated out. Some that are fresher. Some that are much older. But what you do see within the first one, it looks to be a scroll box of some kind floating by its body, partially covered by it. It's a piece of a nice smooth metal that's got a little bit of mildew and mold on one side.

MARISHA: Yoink. Then I just poke one of the bodies with my staff, just poke it with a stick a little. Okay, okay. Let's go, let's go.

MATT: All right. Keeping a close watch, things seem fine. Your two compatriots rise back up with this somewhat water logged scroll case.

MARISHA: Check it out.

SAM: Are you trained in the arcane? Can you identify what that is by any chance?

STEPHEN: I don't know that I am. I'm a fighter. I'm a simple man.

SAM: Well, you studied at a temple.

STEPHEN: I did, but I studied fighting at the temple.

SAM: Oh. And--

STEPHEN: I don't think I have any--

SAM: -- seamstress.

STEPHEN: -- No, I don't seem to have anything. Does anyone have any training in the arcana?

SAM: I know a little bit of arcana. I'll examine it and see if I can discern what it is.

MATT: All right.

SAM: 19 plus something! Plus three in arcana.

MATT: So looking at it, you can see there are these two latches on the sides. This is less about the arcana. This is more about just you being an accomplished rogue. You hit the two buttons and it flips open. On the inside, you do see a wrapped up scroll of vellum. Even just taking it out and getting a quick look, this is indeed an enchanted scroll. A single use spell that may come in handy at some point should you feel necessary. It is a scroll of Dispel Magic.

ASHLEY: Ooh!

SAM: Okay. Okay.

MARISHA: That's good.

SAM: Good to have.

STEPHEN: Cool, cool.

SAM: Good find.

STEPHEN: Bozyn.

MATT: "Yes?"

STEPHEN: Is there anything you want?

MATT: "Just help. Just help friends." Eric's on your shoulder, like (buzzing), seems angry and frustrated with this new compatriot.

STEPHEN: What's up, Eric? Does Eric talk?

MATT: (buzzing)

STEPHEN: Eric doesn't trust--

ASHLEY: I try to swat away.

STEPHEN: No, no, no, no, no. This is my friend, Eric. Eric the Second?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

STEPHEN: This is Eric the Second.

ASHLEY: Oh, I apologize.

MARISHA: What happened to Eric the First?

STEPHEN: It's too sad of a story.

MARISHA: Okay, that's fair.

STEPHEN: For me to remember. (laughter)

SAM: You blocked it out?

MARISHA: He's blocked it out, yeah.

STEPHEN: Yeah, yeah. I am. It's one of the reasons why I went to the temple. Was for healing.

SAM: I'm so sorry.

STEPHEN: Yeah. Then I was taken in, taken in as an acolyte and trained.

SAM: Your sadness is sort of attractive.

STEPHEN: It is?

SAM: A little bit, yeah.

STEPHEN: You're cheap date. Can I communicate with Eric?

MATT: Yeah.

STEPHEN: Okay. Why is Eric upset?

MATT: Eric goes (buzzing) in your ear and you get the gist that "Two flying compatriots seems a little much. Also, I don't know. It's a dark tower, weird guy. Just be careful."

STEPHEN: Okay. What do you guys want to do?

SAM: Well, we've gone down.

ASHLEY: We might as well--

SAM: Go up?

ASHLEY: Should we go up the stairs? Yeah.

MARISHA: Bozyn, do you think you could be our guide and lead us to Madrak and the other baddies?

MATT: "Yes, come, come! Follow me. Dining chamber above. This way."

MARISHA: Hey, you stab us in the back, there's going to be consequences.

MATT: "Nothing to stab!" He floats up the right hand side of the chamber, the right staircase as opposed to the left.

STEPHEN: It floats, doesn't touch the stairs?

MATT: Indeed.

SAM: Do we get any sort of sense that this creature might be lying to us or truthful or--

MATT: Those who want to try and discern its words can make an insight check, if you'd like.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: Two of you? Okay. Roll and add your insight skill.

STEPHEN: 13.

MATT: 13.

SAM: I had a 19.

MATT: 19. Okay. Both of you get the sense that there's just something not right about this little imp. Elements of it seem like it's trying too hard to put on an air of pitifulness and it's eager to drag you upward.

ASHLEY: How do you feel?

STEPHEN: I mean, we have to go up, right?

SAM: We do. We do.

STEPHEN: Are there any other doors out of this room other than the stairs? Is there any entrance or exit other than up those stairs? Because we've investigated the grate.

MATT: Looking around this space, it looks like any other door there might've been, which would've been in the far back wall, the stone has fallen in somewhat and blocked it. Even just understanding the shape of the tower, that one probably just leads outward from the tower, a secondary entrance that you hadn't previously perceived.

STEPHEN: Okay.

SAM: Are there two stairs going up or just one?

MATT: Two staircases that go upward that go to the secondary floor.

SAM: Is Bozyn leading us toward one?

MATT: Bozyn is going up the right hand side.

SAM: Okay, so maybe--

STEPHEN: Not on it, but floating above.

SAM: Maybe we'll take the left instead?

STEPHEN: I'm down with that.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I'm going to go with Bozyn

MATT: You go with Bozyn?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, cool!

STEPHEN: Wow.

SAM: Chaos.

STEPHEN: Can you fly with your wings? Your skeletal wings?

ASHLEY: No.

STEPHEN: You can't?

ASHLEY: But in the future, I end up being able to fly.

SAM: She's like a penguin. She's just a penguin.

ASHLEY: In this moment in time, no. It just scares people. It's kind of a dumb thing.

STEPHEN: Like Balrogs.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

STEPHEN: Okay.

MATT: So as the three of you clamber up the left hand side of the staircase, carefully but diligently, keeping awareness of the space around you, you climb into the secondary floor. Within this room, you're met with an oddly beautiful dining chamber, amidst a torture room. You see racks of wicked weaponry and hooks that line the walls, and in the center, a long table of dark wood with seven high back chairs that host tableware and remnants of a meal. There remains fresh fruit and breads and cheeses almost, and juices of a previous dish left upon the platters that currently are set out. You see some odd dark runes that are set across the floor that appear to be burned with charcoal into the stone ground. Six in all, these runes, and another staircase that continues up even further. There is one door that leads to another chamber beyond this on the same floor. Right as you're all taking this in, the rest of you watch as Bozyn comes flying up, looks at the three of you and goes, "Oh, getting wander-curious, I suppose." Right as you hear (crackling lightning). Make a dexterity saving throw.

MARISHA: Oh.

SAM: Dang it.

STEPHEN: Come on now.

ASHLEY: I had to do it. I had to do it. I'm sorry.

SAM: Just got to poke the bear.

ASHLEY: Oh, natural 20!

MARISHA: Woo-hoo!

MATT: Nice! Okay.

ASHLEY: Okay, plus two. 22.

MATT: So you only take

MARISHA: 18?

ASHLEY: Ooh, boy!

SAM: That would've killed me.

MATT: At the sound of this flash, the smell of like burnt ozone kicks into the air.

ASHLEY: Ow!

MATT: You see bright light, and the yell of Yasha's pain from below, and Bozyn spins around and you can't even help but hear a little "(evil chuckle)" escape.

MARISHA: This guy.

SAM: Yeah, this guy.

ASHLEY: Did you do that or was it the staircase?

MATT: "That was staircase! Bozyn can't do things like that, too small."

ASHLEY: I don't this. I don't believe you.

MATT: "(whimpering)"

STEPHEN: What value is this guy serving at this point?

MATT: "Helping! Helping! Helping you to stop this odd green skin bad lady!"

STEPHEN: How are you helping us?

ASHLEY: Why didn't you tell me about the staircase?

MATT: "I told you to follow. I was not aware. I don't go on stairs! I'm a flying one."

SAM: I mean, he's definitely trying to kill us, but he's so adorable.

ASHLEY: He is really cute. It's making me feel very conflicted inside.

STEPHEN: Leave him be for now?

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: Okay.

ASHLEY: So we've got the door in the back.

MATT: The door in the back and the staircase that curves up to the next floor.

STEPHEN: So you got the lightning damage, the electrical damage, but you made it all the way up?

SAM: Are you okay?

ASHLEY: Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm still standing.

STEPHEN: I got a question. I got a question. The regaining hit points-- Do you still call them hit points?

MATT: Yeah.

STEPHEN: Regaining hit points. I can do a Second Wind to get them back?

MATT: Yeah, if you want to.

STEPHEN: Second Wind gives you how much possible recovery?

MATT: It's 1d10 plus five.

STEPHEN: I mean, what did we lose?

SAM: We've lost 12, I think.

STEPHEN: We lost 12. I guess I'll wait 'til I can't possibly get--

SAM: I don't know.

MATT: You also each have one healing potion on you that you can use, if you'd like.

STEPHEN: This restores between one and eight, I mean two and eight?

MATT: That would be between four and 10. You just pour that out and then add two to it.

STEPHEN: Oh, I see. I see.

SAM: We are at a dining room table. We could all take a shot and eat some dinner real quick.

STEPHEN: I'm not sure if I want to eat.

MARISHA: I don't want to eat that.

STEPHEN: I'm not sure if want to eat.

SAM: No? It's looks so really--

ASHLEY: It looks delicious, but I don't--

STEPHEN: He said almost like cheese.

MARISHA: And something about juices.

STEPHEN: Which I found very amusing. "Almost as if cheese," or you said something like that. "This is almost as if cheeses." I just love the idea.

SAM: What's wrong with that?

STEPHEN: That's such an appealing... Would you like something that's almost as if a cheese? (laughter)

SAM: Don't you like a good almost cheese plate after a nice meal? (laughter)

STEPHEN: I'll take my healing potion.

ASHLEY: I'm going to take mine as well.

MARISHA: I'm going to do that, too.

SAM: All right, I'm going to chug.

MARISHA: ♪ Shots, shots, shots, shots ♪

ASHLEY: Oh, come on!

STEPHEN: Seven

SAM: Six.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Plus two, you said?

MATT: Plus two to the dice roll? Yep.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: All right, so your healing potions are expended, but y'all heal back some health. That's good.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: So.

SAM: Oh, yes.

MATT: What's your plan? You have the rising staircase--

SAM: Or the door.

MATT: Or the door.

STEPHEN: And the table.

MATT: And the table.

STEPHEN: There's a table to be investigated here. Almost cheese.

ASHLEY: Oh yeah.

SAM: Do we divide and conquer? Do we focus?

ASHLEY: Let's check it out. I'm going to check out the table with Jack. With LJ.

MARISHA: I'll inspect the door.

STEPHEN: Would you like to ask me if I'd like to come with you? (laughter)

ASHLEY: I'm really sorry. I thought you were already doing it.

STEPHEN: I just mentioned the table. I didn't say I'm going to the table.

ASHLEY: Would you like to look at the table with me?

STEPHEN: Yes, I would!

ASHLEY: Okay!

STEPHEN: It's just nice to be asked.

ASHLEY: I know. I should ask. Sorry.

STEPHEN: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yes, we should check out the table?

STEPHEN: We'll check out the table.

ASHLEY: Let's check out the table.

STEPHEN: We'll investigate the surface of the table.

MARISHA: You're with me. No questions.

SAM: You don't have to ask me.

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: I would say you make an investigation check. You make a religion check.

SAM: Ooh.

STEPHEN: This is a d--

MATT: d20, add your religion skill. This is your knowledge about religions and rites.

STEPHEN: 15.

MATT: 15. Very good.

ASHLEY: 13?

MATT: 13. Okay. Between the two of you, you do discover that it looks like the remnants of the meals that are here beyond the occasional remaining side dish, very meat-centric. The things that are almost cheese like upon looking at it, the consistency's a little off. It has almost like an animal fat type sponginess to it. You, who have lived in the wilds and have dined on many beasts and raw flesh, know that this definitely has a human scent and texture to it.

STEPHEN: There you go. There you go.

MATT: You, Jack, pick up that this meal is indeed a twisted mockery of a sacrament that would initiate an extensive ritual. The rooms and the floor are primarily used to bind something large. It's only missing salt. Salt is a strong catalyst for binding and unbinding. But you do know that this table represents essentially a middle finger to sacrament.

STEPHEN: All right. So there's something big in this building that's been bound by a spell. Perhaps not sufficiently if there's no salt here. That would be how I would perceive that.

MATT: Could very well be.

MARISHA: Sounds like chaos.

SAM: A beast bigger-- How big is-- What, Modock? Madrak?

SAM: Big, but still humanoid, right?

MATT: Still humanoid, yeah.

STEPHEN: Still humanoid.

SAM: So something bigger than that, perhaps.

STEPHEN: Okay. Hey, Bozyn.

MATT: "Yes! Yes, you called me?"

STEPHEN: Okay, so there's no separation between this first floor and the second floor. There's no door or anything that kept us from coming up here. All you do is you could just fly up here anytime you wanted, right?

MATT: "I do. Yes."

STEPHEN: Was there something else big up in this room that was bound, because you must have perceived what happened up in this room. What was up here other than Madrak and her followers?

MATT: "I don't know. Stay down below. Too scared, too hurt. Don't go too far up."

STEPHEN: Did you hear anything?

MATT: "I heard chanting, speaking. Might hear it now." You listen, and you can just barely hear the sound above of voices in unison. (chanting)

ASHLEY: I'm going to reach out and I'm going to grab Bozyn.

MATT: "Why! Why! You hurt Bozyn more!"

ASHLEY: You need to tell us the truth.

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

MARISHA: Come on.

ASHLEY: Let's do this one.

MARISHA: Barbarian realness!

ASHLEY: Come on. Come on. Okay. Okay. "Just trying to help her out. Get nice prize, but help you now because you're scarier, weirdly. Upstairs, having ritual, bringing big, scary demon thing through. Might want to stop it soon. Let me live!"

STEPHEN: Bringing it through.

ASHLEY: Bringing it through?

SAM: Through what? Through a portal or something?

MATT: "The sky!"

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: "Let Bozyn free?"

SAM: It's not out yet, though. Maybe if we hurry we could stop it?

STEPHEN: All right, let's go! Let's go! Let's charge this-

SAM: There's stairs?

MARISHA: Yeah, up the stairs, Bozyn? Or through the door?

SAM: Are we going to get hit again?

MATT: "Upstairs! The door is just salt!"

ASHLEY: Is there anywhere else we're going to get hurt?

MATT: "I don't know! Probably upstairs!"

STEPHEN: What's through that other door?

MATT: "Storage."

STEPHEN: Storage of what? What's being stored there?

MATT: "Weapons and goods and what they made the meal from."

STEPHEN: All right. Let's go upstairs.

ASHLEY: That means people.

MARISHA: They made the meal from?

SAM: Should we try to not get hit by a trap on the stairs this time?

STEPHEN: Can we perceive a trap?

MATT: If you want to investigate, yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: Right, so two of you make investigation checks.

SAM: Okay.

STEPHEN: Oh, I got no plus on investigation. Come on, baby.

SAM: Come on, Lucky Jack.

STEPHEN: 12.

MATT: 12.

SAM: Okay. I rolled a 13 plus six.

MATT: Okay. So as you're stepping up, you look forward. It seems pretty decent, clear to go. As you begin to rush, your foot about to hit a step, Nott stops you, and you glance down, and you can see that this step itself has a pendulum weight element beneath it.

SAM: I move Lucky Jack's leg back, but also sort of feel the shape of the calf muscle, just to see how--

STEPHEN: Sure.

SAM: -- lithe or how buff.

STEPHEN: I don't blame you, I don't blame you.

SAM: It's pretty nice.

STEPHEN: I have a dancer's leg. (laughter)

SAM: Watch yourself! Let's skip this step, and I will hop over to the next.

MATT: All right, no issue. As you follow suit over that step, you all safely continue to traverse the staircase upward. The chanting gets louder. (chants in foreign language) As you step up, the wind begins to hit your face, and the sound of thunder gets louder as you realize, the top of this tower, long ruined, now stands like a jagged piece of an old spire's memory. You see bits of broken stone, and various staircases and raised platforms, like long-forgotten, leftover-- oh, what's the word? Love when it gets you right in the middle of that.

SAM: Stalactite?

MATT: It looks awesome! (laughter)

SAM: Stalactite!

ASHLEY: Looks really cool.

MATT: There we go. No, like broken scaffolding, it all sits over itself at different layers. In the middle of this room, you can see there's a large, circular rune that is drawn in the ground, deeply layered and intricate, pulsing with an odd, orangeish-red glow. On these different elements of the rows and broken platforms, you can see these cultists in dark robes, currently holding blades out in front of them, and they're looking upward. At the top of this, you see the familiar sight of the green-skinned, long-horned, angry individual responsible for your terrible year. She stands out, holding arms to the sky, and chanting as well. Above, you see this strange tear in reality. The dark shadows are gathering and swirling. You can see now it's beginning to break apart. There is this dull heartbeat. The sound (pulsing).

SAM: I can see it.

MATT: It's getting louder and louder. (whooshes) The wind--

STEPHEN: This is all around a central rune on the floor?

MATT: Yes. And there--

SAM: Are there acolytes with her, or is it just her?

MATT: It's her and four acolytes.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: They don't notice you at the moment. You do also see, up with her hands, in her grasp, a familiar jeweled reliquary.

SAM: (gasps) She's using it.

ASHLEY: I take out my sword very quietly.

MARISHA: You said the acolytes are standing on the scaffolding?

MATT: Yeah, the large broken parts of different staircases and upper platforms and daises that have partially fallen.

MARISHA: Okay.

STEPHEN: Don't strike the reliquary.

SAM: Oh, what will happen?

STEPHEN: I will be upset.

SAM: Oh, oh, it's not going to explode or anything.

STEPHEN: No, no, I'm not aware that it has any power other than the symbolic power, other than what she's using to summon the demon.

SAM: But still, you being upset would not, that would not be good either.

STEPHEN: I'm here to recover it for my temple.

SAM: We've heard you explode, you know, metaphorically with your rage before, and I wouldn't want that again.

STEPHEN: All right, great. (laughter)

STEPHEN: Good, we're all understanding each other. This is all whispered. We all whispered.

MATT: Indeed, but Bozyn is near your shoulder, still in your grasp, and he's like, "So Bozyn friend, you set free? Let free?"

ASHLEY: Not yet.

MATT: "Help! Help!" (groaning)

MATT: Starts screaming out into the wind.

MARISHA: Bozyn!

MATT: The chanting all of a sudden halts, and all the figures turn their attention down towards your group. You see, as Bozyn starts screaming, "Mistress! Mistress! I have lured them here for punishment as you asked." She looks down. "I will admit when I am surprised. So well done! Perhaps you aren't as useless as I originally anticipated. Regardless, we're too close now to let you stop this." She still clutches the reliquary in one hand, and pulls from her side this large, dark blade. It's a shimmering, black metal that seems to vibrate and sing with the draw. Roll initiative, everybody.

ALL: Oh!

MARISHA: Here we go. Okay.

ASHLEY: Ugh.

SAM: Oh boy. This seems like a battle.

ASHLEY: This seems like a battle.

MATT: All righty. So we have-- what's your initiative?

SAM: I hit 14.

MATT: 14, okay. Yasha?

ASHLEY: Seven.

MATT: Okay, (laughs) whoops.

STEPHEN: 14.

MATT: 14, all right. Beau?

MARISHA: 13.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Had to think about it.

MATT: So Madrak is going first. She begins to cackle, (cackling) and you watch as she raises up the reliquary in one hand. You can see where that tear is in the sky, these red eyes begin to burn and a massive, dark, red arm begins to emerge, black, hooked claws on it. It reaches out and seems to find purchase in the air, like it's grasping reality and using it to weight itself and anchor itself here. She looks down upon the rest of you and goes, "But perhaps it's best you fight amongst yourselves."

ASHLEY: No.

MATT: I need Yasha to make a wisdom saving.

SAM and MARISHA: Oh no!

ASHLEY: Come on!

MARISHA: Always the barbarian!

SAM: No!

MARISHA: Come on, roll high.

ASHLEY: Negative one, negative one. Uno! That's an eight. (laughter)

MATT: Yasha, clutching her blade, looking up towards this, all of a sudden shakes her head, opens her eyes and they burn with a familiar, orange glow.

STEPHEN: Oh man.

MATT: As she begins to turn her attention towards the three of you.

MARISHA: No.

ASHLEY: Oh no!

MARISHA: I'm going to-- oh.

MATT: Nott and Jack, you guys are up.

MARISHA: Okay.

STEPHEN: I will engage in a disarming attack.

SAM: Oh!

MATT: Okay.

STEPHEN: Against her.

MATT: All right. So go ahead and roll an attack.

STEPHEN: 17 plus three.

MATT: Plus, yeah.

STEPHEN: Is that right? Strength plus three?

MATT: Oh yeah, it should be.

STEPHEN: So 20.

MATT: 20, all right, and what's your armor class?

ASHLEY: 14.

MATT: Okay, and so you're using your disarming attack. Roll a d8 for your Battle Master maneuver die.

STEPHEN: One.

MATT: Well, this is fine. You're doing less damage against her. So for an ally, that's a good thing.

STEPHEN: Okay.

MATT: So you go ahead and swing for her. I need you to make a strength saving throw.

ASHLEY: Okay. Oh no. (laughs) That would be eight.

MATT: Eight?

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: That's a failure, which means in that brief moment, you rush up, Jack, pulling your blade out. You grasp the side of her blade and (whoosh) strike it from her hands. Magician's Judge goes scattering to the ground and down a few more steps, teetering into the secondary floor. You are now weaponless. That's your--

STEPHEN: You're welcome. (laughter)

MARISHA: Yes, Lucky Jack!

MATT: That's one attack. You still have a secondary attack with your longsword and your off-hand, if you want. That battleaxe is screaming in your back pocket.

STEPHEN: Can I throw the battleaxe?

MATT: If you want to.

STEPHEN: I throw it at Madrak.

MARISHA: Oh my god!

MATT: As you pull the battleaxe back, it's like, "No, but seriously, you don't have to do this. I-- we can be cool!"

STEPHEN: We're doing it.

MATT: "No!" Go ahead and roll 2d20s.

ASHLEY: Screaming as it goes.

MATT: Choosing the lower number.

ASHLEY and MARISHA: (screaming)

STEPHEN: Choosing the lower number.

MATT: Yeah, and adding seven to it.

STEPHEN: 10, five, 12. So it's five is the lower number, adding seven to it.

MATT: Okay, 12. (whooshes) You watch as Madrak side steps, and the battleaxe goes like, "Thank goodness!" and vanishes off the side of the tower. (laughs)

MARISHA: Good call.

STEPHEN: Well, it's been great. (laughter)

MATT: You still have your handaxe attack, if you'd like.

STEPHEN: Handaxe attack at Madrak.

MATT: Okay, are you throwing it or are you getting up, trying to get close to her?

STEPHEN: Getting up close.

MATT: Okay. You go ahead and start jumping on the different parts of the stone platforms to get up there. Two of the cultists do get free strikes at you as you rush by. That is going to be-- one hits with an 18 plus. The other, what's your armor class?

STEPHEN: 16.

MATT: 16, that misses with a 14. So one of them does strike out with a short sword towards you for six points of damage against you, but you do manage to get right up to Madrak. You go ahead and roll your handaxe attack.

STEPHEN: 18 plus three, 21.

MATT: 21, that's great. Okay.

STEPHEN: Okay. Then handaxe is 1d6?

MATT: 1d6, yeah.

STEPHEN: One. (laughs)

MARISHA: Oh no! (laughs) Stephen, no.

MATT: Plus three, so that's four.

STEPHEN: Uh-huh.

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: Do you want to do any maneuvers with that, or are you good with that being--

STEPHEN: Any maneuvers?

MATT: Yeah, you have your ability maneuvers as a fighter in the middle of your sheet.

STEPHEN: Precision attack, what does that do?

MATT: Precision helps you hit, if you really want to make sure you strike. Disarm means you can knock something out of somebody's hand. Then the other one is if someone misses you, you can get an attack on them as a reaction.

STEPHEN: So you can't choose where you're hitting somebody with a precision attack. I can't say like, "Yeah, I only did a little bit of damage, but I want to see if there's a possibility that I hit a specific spot on her"?

MATT: You know, on your next turn we can maybe try something for that.

STEPHEN: Okay, but that's an option if you plan it?

MATT: Sure.

STEPHEN: Then no, I got no other.

MATT: Okay, gotcha. Nott, what you got?

SAM: Should I try this on Yasha? This Dispel Magic scroll?

STEPHEN: Oh, damn.

MARISHA: Oh, that's a good idea.

STEPHEN: Oh, damn, you might be able to end the summoning.

MARISHA: Get her back.

STEPHEN: Chop off that thing's arm.

SAM: Okay, I will unfurl the scroll. Beau, y-y-you'll attack, right? Because I need a second.

MARISHA: I got you.

SAM: I'll read the scroll. Start reading it, realize it's upside down, and then start again and try to Dispel Magic.

MATT: Okay, roll a d20 for me, please.

SAM: Okay. Terrible, six. Terrible.

MARISHA: No!

MATT: Six, that, unfortunately, is not enough.

MARISHA: No!

MATT: As you read the Dispel Magic scroll, (whooshes) it burns.

SAM: It was upside down, the first time was right! I was wrong, ah!

STEPHEN: You suck. (laughter)

SAM: Well, then I will run away from Yasha, because she scares me.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: So I'll run across the room and use my bonus action, if I still have one, to hide.

MATT: Okay, roll a stealth check for me.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: Beau, you're up. Actually, no, the cultists go, and then it's Beau. No, sorry, they're after you.

SAM: A million points to hide, 24.

MATT: Okay, you're no longer in the story. You have stealthed so hard.

SAM: Okay. (laughs)

MARISHA: Okay. Jack disarmed Yasha.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: We're all running away from Yasha. I think I'm going to do the same. With the summoning situation, does it look like there's any props or ingredients that I could mess up?

MATT: Make a perception check.

MARISHA: Okay. Oh, terrible! Six.

MATT: Six? I mean, there's a rune on the ground, and you know, Madrak's holding a reliquary. Nothing else you see that really catches your attention.

MARISHA: All right, above my pay grade. I'm ignoring that, and I'm going to run and I'm going to start targeting the cultists on the side to maybe help slow down this. So I want to, doing some dope monk shit, jump up and parkour on the edges of the scaffolding, and see if I can start grabbing them by the ankles and yanking them down.

ASHLEY: Oh, cool.

MATT: Okay. Make an acrobatics check for me.

MARISHA: Throw them into the circle. Acrobatics check, so now that one's failing me. Well, that's good, that's good. 24.

MATT: Deftly, you begin leaping from section to section. For each attack, you can try and pull and grab one of the cultists down.

MARISHA: As an attack roll?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Okay, first one. (sighs)

MATT: (laughs)

STEPHEN: You blew it all on your parkour.

MARISHA: I did, I did.

STEPHEN: It's super impressive looking.

MARISHA: Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, hup! And I roll a one.

MATT: Yeah.

MATT: You go to grab the ankle, but instead you get, like, "A Christmas Story" Santa Claus, ho ho, boot to the face for the first one. That one's still up there. You can dart to the next one, because you're still rolled pretty well. So your second attack can try for the next one.

MARISHA: Okay, I'll go for the next one. That one's too aware of me now. Okay, 15.

MATT: 15, okay. No, they manage to resist it. You go and pull. These are some tough cultists. Not so great.

MARISHA: Okay. Can I do Flurry of Blows and try again?

MATT: Sure, go for it.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: You got two more.

MARISHA: Using a ki point.

MATT: Jack, you do have that one-use spell card over there to the right of your sheet. That was decided upon by the community, if you want to use that as well.

MARISHA: First one definitely misses with a three. But the second one is and impact into the center of the room. They look dazed, and they're on their hands and knees in the middle of the room.

MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to get up, and I think that's my turn. I'm going to start scanning and watching for the next person.

MATT: All right. Now that brings us to the cultists. The one that's in the middle of the room starts screaming as you watch the blood being pulled from his body. It begins to draw outward and swirl in the air, being drawn up towards that tear in the sky above. As you see the blood being drawn into it, a second arm begins to emerge from it.

STEPHEN: So that's not helping.

ASHLEY: Oh!

MATT: (laughs)

SAM: But wait, the one that was tossed to the middle of the chamber, the rune itself seemed to be hurting it?

MATT: Yeah, drawing the blood out of them and committing it to the ritual.

MARISHA: Did I make it worse?

SAM: But you also--

STEPHEN: I think you helped with the spell.

MARISHA: I think I helped.

STEPHEN: I think this is what was going to happen anyway.

MARISHA: Oh no! Yeah, and I just expedited it.

STEPHEN: Yeah, yeah.

MARISHA: (groans)

MATT: The other three cultists begin to rush down, taking strikes at you and you, and two at you, because you're the one who's holding the center stage on this. Oh, no, and you're hidden. So actually, that's all three on you. (laughs) Because everyone else just left you there.

STEPHEN: Okay.

MATT: That is a 12 to hit, which does not hit your armor class, I believe. That is a 14. What's your armor class?

STEPHEN: 16.

MATT: 16, misses. And another 14. So all the strikes hit you, but they streak off your armor with these dull sparks and (shing) sounds as they all run past. You can get one attack of opportunity if you want to on one of the cultists as they passed you.

STEPHEN: I'll do it.

MATT: Go for it, so strike with your longsword.

STEPHEN: 16 plus three, 19.

MATT: That hits, roll damage.

STEPHEN: Two, is that also plus three? No, it's two plus four, six.

MATT: Two plus four, six. Okay, so you strike him. (grunt) He's hurt, but he keeps running. They all rush down to the circle and you watch as they all give themselves the ritual. (groaning)

MATT: The blood being pulled out of them. The tear begins to open wider and wider. Now you can see these two heavy, massive horns-- (low growling) -- emerge.

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: The burning eyes, something is coming through soon, and you can just see Madrak just laughing. (sinister laughing) Holding the reliquary up. You can see the energy swirling between her and the rune and the symbol. That brings us now to Yasha's go. Yasha.

ASHLEY: Okay. (laughter)

ASHLEY: So...

SAM: It's not going well.

STEPHEN: Is she still chanting?

MATT: She's still chanting.

STEPHEN: Is she still doing an action? Is she still doing something?

MATT: She is, she is still chanting between the laughter. She's paying attention to you guys, but is more focused on whatever's about to come through.

STEPHEN: Got it.

ASHLEY: Okay, since I am a barbarian, I'm going to rage.

MATT and MARISHA: Yes.

ASHLEY: And... Boy, oh boy. I do not have a weapon. So I am going to start making my way to my sword.

MATT: Okay, so you rush to your blade, you grab, and you pick it up. The only one who's closest to you is Beau.

ASHLEY: Here we go again, baby.

SAM: Doesn't her rage--

MARISHA: I know!

SAM: -- make her immune to charm or something?

MATT: Hers does not. But we'll say for the purposes of this, it takes you a moment to get there and get to her. That's going to be your turn because you have to dash there.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

MATT: We're running low on time, so-- (laughs)

MARISHA: Hi.

ASHLEY: Hi, babe.

MATT: So that brings us back around to the top. It is now Madrak's turn. You watch as she begins to draw more of this energy and the reliquary is now starting to rust and turn and she begins chanting louder and louder, and this creature is pouring through. That brings us back to Jack and Nott's turn. What are you doing?

STEPHEN: What about Eric over here? Eric the bee--

MATT: (buzzing sound) Is angrily waiting.

STEPHEN: Does Eric have any ideas? Or do I give Eric his ideas?

MATT: Well, if you want to ask.

STEPHEN: Eric, can you go sting her on the eyeball? (laughter)

MATT: Go ahead and roll an attack.

STEPHEN: Two. (laughter)

MATT: Eric gets swatted. (swats) (buzzes) (laughter)

MARISHA: Oh no.

MATT: But has better armor this time and survives the attack.

STEPHEN: Okay.

MARISHA: This seems familiar.

STEPHEN: All right. Nott, you got any thoughts?

SAM: Was that your whole attack?

STEPHEN: No, no, that was Eric's turn.

SAM: Okay, I'm going to try to interrupt her spell by-- Oh boy, this is a terrible idea. I'm going to cast a spell. I have a spell called Hideous Laughter.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I'm going to tell her a joke to make her laugh uncontrollably. Maybe that will interrupt the spell casting. I will yell from my hidden position: Hey, did you hear about the cultist who lost her left arm and her left leg?! She's all right now!

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: With a natural four on that, she fails her saving throw, and what was once that she chanting and the cackling laughter goes... (cackling turning to laughter) Just starts pointing and laughing ridiculously at this truly atrocious joke. In doing so, you can see the reliquary in her hand is getting loose, her grip on it is starting to lessen.

SAM: Come on, Jack!

STEPHEN: Can I jump for it? Can I jump for the reliquary and grab it from my hands?

MARISHA: Come on.

MATT: So you leap. Go ahead and roll a strength check. So roll and add your strength bonus on this. This is going to be contested with hers.

STEPHEN: Seven plus three, 10.

SAM: Aren't you lucky? Doesn't luck do something?

MATT: You can spend a luck point to re-roll, if you want.

STEPHEN: Let's do it.

MARISHA: Now's the time, baby.

STEPHEN: 17 plus three, 20.

MARISHA: Much better.

MATT: 20, okay. So she rolled a 16. You tear the reliquary from her hand, and as you do, the tether of blood begins to dissipate and scatter. You watch as the beast that's pulling itself through, the tear begins to shiver and crack and pull back in. The screams of the bodies fall as all the cultists turn to dust and the rune begins to fade. She looks down at you. "What, how could you--?" Right as the large meaty hand of this beast grabs her and she screams (yells) as she's pulled into this space. Whatever beast this is being drawn back into its realm and dragging her back into it. The last thing you hear before the hole closes and the storm comes to rest is her go, "No-o-o!" (tinking) Little piece of some infernal material hits the ground and there in your hand, the rust gives way. You have in your hand, your dignity and Dignity.

MARISHA: I got chills.

STEPHEN: Is she free of her spell? Are her eyes still glowing orange?

MATT: She blinks, her eyes come back.

SAM: We should kill her anyway, just case, just in case!

STEPHEN: Wait, no, no. No, that's not how this works.

ASHLEY: What did I do, what did I do? Did I hurt anybody?

MARISHA: You kind of, you checked out for a minute.

ASHLEY: (exasperated sigh)

STEPHEN: Yeah, and I hurt you slightly to take your sword away.

ASHLEY: That was a good idea because I probably could've hurt you all pretty badly.

STEPHEN: I have...

ASHLEY: You got it!

STEPHEN: Where is Bozyn, at this point?

MATT: Bozyn is nowhere to be seen.

SAM: (groans)

MARISHA: Bozyn.

STEPHEN: Wow. I have achieved my quest. How can I thank you for your help?

SAM: I can think of something.

STEPHEN: Is there anything else you can think of? Do you guys have a god to serve? MARISHA, ASHLEY,

SAM: (noncommittal noises)

STEPHEN: Would you like to serve Arioch, Duke of Chaos?

MARISHA: We kind of already serve the chaos inside of ourselves.

SAM: You know what, I'm fond of trinkets and baubles, shiny things, objects, anything like that, that you might have.

STEPHEN: This is it, this is it. Unless I have something else. Do I have something else? Not that I know of, no.

SAM: Cool.

STEPHEN: Cool.

MARISHA: You know, I would like a tour at some point of the temple of Arioch.

STEPHEN: Well, here's my card.

MARISHA: Okay, great.

STEPHEN: Here's my card, just distribute that. You can just write it down for the rest of them. You're the one who took notes.

SAM: You don't have more than one card?

STEPHEN: I only have one. (laughter)

STEPHEN: I keep meaning to make more.

MATT: As the storms slowly dissipates, as the four of you walk away, trading contacting information and ensuring that you have the opportunity to visit the reconstructed Temple of Arioch. Making your way westward back into the safer lands of Wildemount. We close our adventure there of Lucky Jack and his newfound compatriots. (applauding)

STEPHEN: Praise be to Arioch.

MARISHA: Thank you, Arioch.

ASHLEY: Let's go.

SAM: Wow.

STEPHEN: That was fantastic.

MATT: Thank you so much for joining us!

STEPHEN: I'm so glad. I really enjoyed getting a little warm-up run here because, I already told you this, but my 40th high school reunion is coming up in about a month, and the guys I played Dungeons & Dragons with starting in 1977, The Tomb of Horrors, which was the first module we ever did. We're going to get back together and we're going to play. All those original guys are going to get together. We're going to play Tomb of Horrors and we have not played it since '77. How many years is that, 45 years?

SAM: Oh my.

STEPHEN: 45 years we're going to play that again.

SAM: Whoa.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

MARISHA: Amazing.

MATT: I'm so excited for you.

SAM: Are you going to use this table and lighting situation?

STEPHEN: It's like nine people or something like that.

ASHLEY: Who's going to run the game?

STEPHEN: The guy who originally introduced me to D&D, an old friend of mine.

ASHLEY: That is so cool.

STEPHEN: Yeah, yeah.

MARISHA: So cool.

STEPHEN: He wasn't the original dungeon master. The guy who was the dungeon master when we were all 13, 12, something like that? He doesn't want to be the DM. So this other guy's taking over, and he says he's going to make it hell on us.

MARISHA: Tomb of Horrors is still brutal.

STEPHEN: Have you played Tomb of Horrors?

MARISHA: I have dabbled in Tomb of Horrors.

STEPHEN: What?

SAM: Are you going to be Lucky Jack?

STEPHEN: We have assigned characters. We basically, there were 20 characters, pick one of these. But I'm very hack and chop, as you can tell. (laughter)

STEPHEN: I'm Leeroy Jenkins all the way.

ASHLEY: Yes! (laughter)

STEPHEN: I just like a fighter. My favorite character of all time was, I had a witch, which was a magic user variant from the Dragon Magazine back in '78 or '79 or something like that. So I had a 10th level witch, which was pretty cool. She could do a dance of seduction, which was pretty cool.

ASHLEY: Whoa!

SAM: I like that.

MATT: Maybe Nott could pick up a thing or two.

SAM: Yeah, I could. (laughter)

STEPHEN: This was a blast, thanks so much.

MARISHA: Thank you.

SAM: Thanks for joining us.

STEPHEN: I really loved to meet you guys. Matt, good to see you again.

MATT: Good to see you again, as well, buddy. Enjoy your game with your friends back in high school.

STEPHEN: I will.

MATT: Thank you for showing off this--

ASHLEY: I know. It's so cool.

STEPHEN: I thought I'd bring props. I thought maybe everybody would be in costume?

SAM: We didn't get the memo!

ASHLEY: I wish and we could've.

STEPHEN: I know, I've seen.

MATT: Yeah.

STEPHEN: You're kind of always in costume. The hair always gives you...

MATT: There's no escape from that. Well, if we ever get around to doing this again, for the Red Nose day, then we'll bring our outfits as well.

STEPHEN: All right, good, good, good, good. Well then, I'll kick it up.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: It's an arms race, yeah.

MATT: Thank you so much for joining us, Stephen. Thank you for your incredible donations and generosity for making this happen. Thank you to Red Nose Day for partnering with Critical Role Foundation again, to make this a reality. You can still donate right now at critrole.com/rednoseday and help them and us all together fight childhood poverty. Thank you all so very much. We love you, and is it Thursday yet? Bye. (cheering) (epic orchestral music)