Transcript:Talks Machina 16: Curious Tides

Thanks to a fanmade CR transcript for the "After Dark" segment!

After Dark
BRIAN: Welcome back. To Talks Machine in the Dark.

TRAVIS: Talks Machine!

BRIAN: Roses are red.

TRAVIS: Yep.

LAURA: Sorry we took a long time, we were eating.

BRIAN: That's okay how was your dinner?

LAURA: Oh my god, it was so good.

BRIAN: Really?

TRAVIS: It was good. I had a steak sandwich

LAURA: Oh, it was good.

TRAVIS: Parts of it

BRIAN: What'd you have, Liam?

LIAM: I had a tuna melt and a big wad of French fries in a hurry that gave me hiccups on the way back.

BRIAN: Laura, what'd you have?

LAURA: I had a kale salad.

BRIAN: Well, that's–

LAURA: And ACTUALLY IT WAS REALLY GOOD!

BRIAN: It was?

LAURA: Yeah. It had chicken in it.

BRIAN: That's all the time we have for tonight folks. Thank you to Ryan Green for dinner and giving us something to talk about.

TRAVIS: Yeah, Ryan Green! Thank you!

BRIAN: So, I got about 600 pictures of Orcus tweeted to me that I checked during the break.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

BRIAN: Matt, if you're watching–does Matt have Alpha?–Matt, if you're watching, please introduce that character at once.

TRAVIS: Jesus.

BRIAN: I'm so scared.

LAURA: I'm terrified. If he does, we're all dead. We can't fight a god.

TRAVIS: Yeah, if you ever watched like the early, like, WWF days or the WCW, the Legion of Doom, the guys that wore the shoulder pads with the spikes coming out of them? That's what he looks like. It's awful.

BRIAN: Yeah.

LIAM: He's like the, what, like the bass player for Gwar?

BRIAN: Uh, yeah, I would say more the keyboardist, but yeah.

LIAM: Oh, okay.

BRIAN: Uh, his name's Tommy Bouche. Question for the cast from the Alpha Critter's chat room.

TRAVIS: Sup, guys?

LIAM: Yeah!

BRIAN: In honor of pi day, we're gonna start off very controversial–

LAURA: Oh, that's why there's a bunch of pies here.

TRAVIS: Oh jesus.

BRIAN: In honor of pie day, is a cheesecake a pie? Like a pizza is a pie?

TRAVIS: No.

LAURA: No.

LIAM: No.

TRAVIS: No, not even a question.

BRIAN: If cheesecake is a cake…

TRAVIS: That's offensive.

LAURA: Yep.

TRAVIS: Yep.

BRIAN: Is cheese steak–

TRAVIS: It's an aberration. It's like–

BRIAN: –a steak?

TRAVIS: –it can't decide what it is.

BRIAN: Is a cheesesteak a steak?

TRAVIS: Nope.

LAURA: No.

BRIAN: Then how is a cheesecake a cake?

LAURA: Exactly.

TRAVIS: Yep. It's not a cake, either.

BRIAN: Moving on. Laura.

LAURA: It's not really a cake.

TRAVIS: It's a hybrid.

LAURA: What?

LIAM: What are we doing?

BRIAN: Would you give up–

TRAVIS: Answering important questions, Liam, shut up.

[laughing]

BRIAN: What are you looking at?

LAURA: The barrel. The initials on the barrel say KY.

BRIAN: Well, that's what was inside of it.

LAURA: [giggling]

TRAVIS: Oh jesus.

LAURA: Oh my god, what if it was?

TRAVIS: Wine barrel of–

LIAM: When you buy it at Costco–

TRAVIS: –personal lubricant.

LIAM: –it comes in a very large drum.

BRIAN: No, Taliesin got it for me at Ren Faire.

LAURA: No, we bought it at the flea market, y'all.

TRAVIS: Taliesin got it for me, it should say KY.

BRIAN: I said, I said, "Taliesin…in the back-back, where no one's allowed at Ren Faire, do they happen to have any of those cool-looking medieval barrels full of lube?"

[laughing]

BRIAN: And he said…

TRAVIS: "How many do you want?"

BRIAN: He said "how many do you want," yeah. Laura, would you give up the broom to save Trinket?

LAURA: Yes.

BRIAN: Would you give up Trinket to save the broom?

LAURA: No.

BRIAN: Would you give up either to save Grog?

LAURA: Yes.

TRAVIS: Oh, which one?

BRIAN: [singing] She's got a soft side, people.

TRAVIS: Wow.

BRIAN: Which one? The broom or the bear?

LAURA: She would give up the broom to save Grog.

BRIAN: And then she would stop there.

LAURA: She would give up the broom to save Grog. I don't think she would give up Trinket to save Grog.

LIAM: That's her bebe [sic].

LAURA: Yeah, that's my bebe [sic].

BRIAN: It's your bebe [sic].

TRAVIS: But I'm your bay-bay.

BRIAN: Oh my god.

[laughing]

BRIAN: Oh my god. Great moments we'll never live down in Talks Machina history.

[Nonsense noises]

LAURA: Don't ever do that again ever.

BRIAN: Dude. Liam.

LIAM: Yes.

BRIAN: Let's quickly get the attention onto you at once.

[laughing]

BRIAN: Were there any goalposts you had set for the resurrection? Any missteps that would have had him not return if the roll passed?

TRAVIS: Hmmm.

LIAM: Um…

LAURA: Ohhh.

LIAM: Uh…I don't–I'm sorry guys, I don't want to answer questions about Vax and death.

BRIAN: I get it.

LIAM: Sorry.

TRAVIS: I like it.

BRIAN: I like that a lot.

LAURA: [gasping] SO YOU DID! YOU TALKED TO MATT! DID YOU HAVE THINGS?!

BRIAN: Don't guess.

LAURA: [screaming]

BRIAN: Stop guessing.

LAURA: Okay.

BRIAN: Maybe tell, maybe tell me later if she was right.

LIAM: Sure.

BRIAN: Travis, does Grog secretly wish for love or to start a family of his own?

TRAVIS: Nope.

BRIAN: He seems to ask– Liam–

[laughing]

BRIAN: –after hearing Laura's bargain, how do you feel about going after–uh, no. To everybody–we kind of already answered that one–what was the most odd/weird place you've ever been recognized? [long pause] In a barrel full of KY lube.

TRAVIS: I've never, I've never gotten it.

BRIAN: That's not true.

TRAVIS: No, for this show?

BRIAN: Oh, for this show, okay. I was gonna say, people recognize you all the time.

TRAVIS: Aside from something that was like a San Diego Comic Con or something.

LAURA: Right, right, right. I mean, I don't think any place is like weird. Nobody's ever, like, followed me into the bathroom or anything. Except at cons.

BRIAN: Yeah, of course.

LAURA: But that doesn't count I don't think. There was–when I went to–there's a Target right by our house, and one of the first times I went there, one of the employees when I walked in, like, smiled at me and I was like–smiled back and he just kept, like, staring at me and smiling as I walked by and I was like, "That is a very friendly employee, it's a little uncomfortable though."

BRIAN: Yeah…I hope you did this in the middle of the store, too.

LAURA: And then he was like "Laura!" and I was like "Whoa!" and he was like "I'm a big fan of Critical Role!" And I was like, "What, no way, that's awesome!" And it was really great.

BRIAN: Oh, that's cool.

LAURA: Yeah. He actually plays D&D with Eddy.

BRIAN: Oh really?

LAURA: Yeah!

TRAVIS: Oh snap!

BRIAN: Wow.

LAURA: Small world.

BRIAN: Everyone plays D&D with Eddy.

LAURA: I know.

BRIAN: When we were in New York, lots of people would come up to Ash and talk about Critical Role. It was crazy. We'd be at restaurants and someone'd be like "I'm so sorry to interrupt," and I'd be like "It's fine."

[laughing]

BRIAN: "We've only been together 5 years, we don't really get to do this very often."

TRAVIS: Yeah.

BRIAN: But anyway, yeah, that was really cool. And everybody's always nice.

LAURA: So nice.

BRIAN: Critters are always nice.

LIAM: My favorite–I've been noticed a couple times in person, but my favorite was kickstarting something to do with all this world and I got an e-mail back in like 10 minutes going "Is this Vax?"

BRIAN: Oh really?

TRAVIS: Oh, wow.

LIAM: I said, "Yes it is." "THANKS!"

TRAVIS: Thanks! Byeee!

BRIAN: That's amazing.

LIAM: Thanks, byeeeeee.

LAURA: Okee byeeee.

BRIAN: Uh…oh!

TRAVIS: [imitating] Oh!

BRIAN: To all, seeing as you're likely going to the Nine Hells soon, what would you say is your character's greatest sin and what ironic punishment would await them in Hell? The answer for Keyleth: Lava.

TRAVIS: Is that what happens in the Nine Hells?

LAURA: No, that's not–

BRIAN: It would be great, though, if they were like–

TRAVIS: You get punished for your sin?

BRIAN: –ha-ha, Keyleth! You must stay here in hell surrounded by lava–

LAURA: She'd just go fire elemental.

BRIAN: –and also doors–huh?!

TRAVIS: And children that you killed.

LAURA: She'd go fire elemental, she'd be great.

BRIAN: Oh, that's true. Well, what's your guys' greatest sin? Not your characters…yours.

TRAVIS: I would say, I would say probably just like willy-nilly killing in the early days, right? Pre-Pike finding him and domesticating Grog a little bit.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Other than that I'm fuckin' perfect.

BRIAN: So you, serial murder.

TRAVIS: Yep!

BRIAN: You–

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Serial murder, yep!

BRIAN: [To Laura] Probably theft? A broom?

LAURA: I mean, come on, I don't think it's her worst sin.

BRIAN: Well, tell us what those are.

LAURA: Like, it's a broom. She's killed people.

BRIAN: It's not a broom to Chris Hard-week [sic].

TRAVIS: Hard Week?

BRIAN: What?

TRAVIS: What?

BRIAN: It says…Liam! Question for Vax, if you could summon him please.

LIAM: Yes.

BRIAN: How does it feel to have a voice actor named Liam controlling all of your actions?

LIAM: [as Vax] Oh, well, um, y'know, he's a bit of a dad, isn't he? He's a bit of a doofus, isn't he?

LAURA: Yep. [laughing] I can't, this is so uncomfortable!

LIAM: [as Vax] Yeah.

LAURA: This got weird!

BRIAN: Guys, if you could have one item–I stopped that [previous line of questioning] 'cause she's going to keep crying–if you could all have one item currently in Vox Machina's possession for one day in real life–

LIAM: Somebody else's?

BRIAN: –what would you pick and why?

TRAVIS: Anybody's.

BRIAN: What if it was for the rest of your life?

TRAVIS: Oh, that's a good question.

LIAM: One day with any item….

BRIAN: That's why Courtney picked it, guys.

TRAVIS: I think I'd take…I think I'd take Whisper.

LIAM: Not for ridiculous purposes, for like–

LAURA: Actual use?

LIAM: –to have it, to covet it? You covet it? Let's say it's that.

TRAVIS: Well, yeah. To throw it and bamf wherever it lands? That's pretty fuckin' sweet!

LAURA: That's pretty cool.

LIAM: [as Vax] You gotta catch me first.

LAURA: I feel like…well, I can't decide. I feel like in real life, Raven's Slumber–the necklace that Trinket goes in–is, I mean, that's pretty amazing.

BRIAN: Pretty handy.

LAURA: [responding to Travis's look] It's a fuckin' necklace you can put people in.

TRAVIS: You get it for one day, you gonna, what, like charge people five bucks to go in the necklace?

LAURA: Oh, oh, oh, for a day!

TRAVIS: You gotta think this shit out a little bit.

LAURA: For a day, the broom.

TRAVIS: Dang it.

LAURA: For a day. For life, I'd go with Raven's Slumber or Boots of Haste, because how friggin' cool would it be to be able to get a bunch of shit done?

LIAM: It's pretty cool.

LAURA: And you don't get tired afterwards. The boots don't give you fatigue.

LIAM: Yeah.

BRIAN: Can I answer this? I know I'm not part of Vox Machina–

TRAVIS: Yeah, go for it!

BRIAN: –but I am legally bound to you guys now.

[laughing]

BRIAN: If I could take one thing from Vox Machina, it'd be "Dotier" for a day, have him follow Denise to see where she goes at night.

DENISE (off screen): Wow.

BRIAN: Up next–

TRAVIS: Wait wait!

LAURA: Wait wait, Liam didn't answer.

LIAM: I would either–

BRIAN: Kidding. Go ahead, Liam.

LIAM: I would probably take Taliesin's d20.

LAURA: Oh, yeah, well.

LIAM: Would be the thing that I would want. Or, y'know, he's not that strong, I think it would be cool to mess around with Pike's gloves.

LAURA: Who's "he"?

TRAVIS: The Gauntlets of Ogre Strength?

LIAM: Vax.

LAURA: I thought we were talking about ourselves.

BRIAN: It's in real life.

LAURA: This is real life.

LIAM: Oh, ourself?

TRAVIS: Yeah, ourselves. You in the real world.

BRIAN: Port it from that to the real world–

LAURA: What would you want?

BRIAN: –then use it for a day.

LIAM: Oh, then I want that fuckin' d20, man–

TRAVIS: You go into Whole Foods, you take Whisper and you throw it down the aisle, your like boof and you're like, everybody picture a guy–

LIAM: I would try the Deathwalker's Ward, then, 'cause I'd wanna fuckin' fly all over the place.

TRAVIS: Yeah! That's pretty good.

BRIAN: Ahhh.

TRAVIS: Grow wings?

LIAM: Yeah!

LAURA: For only an hour, though.

LIAM: Yeah, but then I'd look like David Bowie the rest of the day.

TRAVIS: That's true.

LIAM: What's wrong with that?

LAURA: That's true.

TRAVIS: But then they would come after you–

LAURA: But you'd smell so bad.

TRAVIS: –and they would put you in some sort of federal prison like Legion.

BRIAN: Hey, no spoilers! I'm saving it for when Ash gets back.

TRAVIS: He's dead, don't worry about it.

[fake gasp]

BRIAN: Tonight, a walk-off.

TRAVIS: They're all dead! [laughing]

BRIAN: If you could have any G&S or Alpha person–beside BWF, he is too busy with his home game–fill-in for playing your character for a one-off, who would you want from the G&S/Alpha crew to do it?

LAURA: To play our character?!

LIAM: Ryan Green.

BRIAN: No, to play–

LIAM: Ryan Green.

LAURA: Yeah!

BRIAN: –yeah.

LIAM: Ryan Green.

BRIAN: Ryan Green?

LIAM: Yeah.

BRIAN: Okay.

LIAM: Mine.

BRIAN: Travis?

LAURA: What?!

TRAVIS: Oh man. There are just so many people that could play Grog. Denise? Yeah, Denise could be Grog.

BRIAN: Denise could be Grog.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

BRIAN: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Denise, you wanna be Grog?

DENISE (off screen): Sure.

TRAVIS: SURE?!

BRIAN, imitating: "Suuure?"

TRAVIS: Fuck that, offer rescinded. Bullshit. I need commitment.

BRIAN: [laughing] She says "sure."

TRAVIS: That's milquetoast commitment.

LAURA: She wants a cool character. Denise, how do you feel about Vex?

TRAVIS: Max, you wanna be Grog?

DENISE (off screen): Definitely.

MAX (off scren): Absolutely.

TRAVIS: Fuck, that's what I'm talking about.

LAURA: I get Denise!

BRIAN: Alright, Denise has Vex for sure, Max for Grog, and Ryan Green for Vax.

TRAVIS: Son of a bitch.

BRIAN: I like those odds, however–

DENISE (off screen): Sorry!

TRAVIS: Hey, some of these offers only come once in a lifetime, Denise. It's alright.

BRIAN: –because of her legal troubles–

TRAVIS: You'll be thinking about that on a rainy day–

BRIAN: –she's not allowed to be on camera.

TRAVIS: –crying over a glass of wine.

BRIAN & LIAM: [singing] Coulda been Grog, but it's all over now…

BRIAN: Hey, how are you guys liking the flashcards? All the flashcard art?

LAURA: There is some graphic flashcard art.

TRAVIS: Is there?

BRIAN: We didn't get to the flashcards on the Twitch show tonight–

LAURA: Yar.

BRIAN: –but flashcards are…

TRAVIS: There's flashcards?

LIAM: They're–they're enjoyable. They're fun.

LAURA: Didn't you see the one of just like a big ol' wong of you?

TRAVIS: A big ol' wong?

LAURA: That's just like–yeah.

BRIAN: What's a wong?

LAURA: It's like a wang–

BRIAN: To-Wong-Fu, Thanks For Everything?

LAURA: –but it's like an extra, it's like a dong. But, like, wang.

TRAVIS: A dong-wang?

LAURA: A dong-wang.

BRIAN: You meant to say dong and wang put together?

TRAVIS: I saw one, but it wasn't very detailed. It just look like a big oval.

LAURA: You can call–

BRIAN: What'd you want to see, a Prince Albert?

LAURA: –you can call a wenis [sic] whatever you want to call it.

TRAVIS: I wanted to see like a veiny, triumphant bastard.

BRIAN: Okaaaay.

TRAVIS: Like, super–

LIAM: My favorite one was where they hid his cock with a cock.

TRAVIS: Oh!

LIAM: They put a chicken right in front of it.

[laughing]

BRIAN: Nice.

LAURA: That's pretty great.

BRIAN: Did it cover the whole thing?

LIAM: Uh, yeah. It was a big chicken.

BRIAN: Must've been a baby. Guys, how much time do we have, Max-ologist?

LAURA: Five minutes?

BRIAN: Laura!

LAURA: What?

BRIAN: What's the origin of Vex's blue feathers? During the ritual, you mentioned Vax gave them to Vex during her darkest hours.

LAURA: Not her darkest hours, one of her darkest hours.

BRIAN: I think we're arguing semantics at this point, but I'd like to hear your answer anyway.

LAURA: She's had some dark hours in her life. Um, well, honestly, I saw this adorable fanart of him giving 'em to her when they were kids and I was like, "I liked that. I feel like–"

BRIAN: Oh, give 'em to her when they were kids?

LAURA: Yeah.

BRIAN: Send that to me! I want to see it!

LAURA: Okay. I don't know where it is anymore, but–

LIAM: I do.

BRIAN: I don't care. Spend as much time as you need to find it and send it to me.

TRAVIS: The curator knows.

LAURA: Originally, it was Kit's, like, concept art that brought the feathers in. I hadn't, like, said that. Obviously, you had her on the show and I didn't give her a lot of notes.

BRIAN: "Make her hot."

LAURA: [laughing] Yeah.

BRIAN: "Make me hot."

LAURA: Basically. I told her dark hair, hazel eyes, and hot. Just make me look like a badass.

LIAM: The beauty of this game is if you say "Oh, seven years ago I slipped on a banana peel," then it's canon and it happened.

LAURA: Right, right! So I loved it. I love that he gave them to her. I love that she was upset and he gave them to her.

BRIAN: Kit, are you there? Just kidding. How great would it be if she just started booming?

TRAVIS: God that'd be amazing.

LAURA: Like in the episode–

LIAM: Three AM, don't care!

BRIAN: Okay, here we go, lightning round. Laura.

LAURA: What?

BRIAN: You just answered a question, I'm going to Travis.

LAURA: Aw.

BRIAN: I'm sorry, I've gotta make it even or the internet gets mad.

TRAVIS: Yep.

BRIAN: If you had your own "Dotier" following you around, what would Grog want him to do: draw pictures of Grog or write his story? Slash, pictures/pop-up book for Grog.

TRAVIS: That one.

BRIAN: And what would its title be?

TRAVIS: That one.

BRIAN: The pop-up book?

TRAVIS: Yeah. The pop-up book.

BRIAN: Scratch n' sniff?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Oh, god, that's even better.

BRIAN: What would the title of it be? Grog's memoir that "Dotier" is scribing.

TRAVIS: Grog.

BRIAN: It would just be Grog?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: But it would be spelled wrong.

BRIAN: It'd be spelled Gerg?

TRAVIS: Yeah, it'd be G-R.

BRIAN: It'd be Gr.

TRAVIS: Gr.

BRIAN: Liam.

LAURA: Wait wait, what was the thing you wrote on his forehead in the home game?

TRAVIS: Dork!

LAURA: Dork!

LIAM: And you said, "Why does it say 'Kord'?"

[continuous laughter throughout this part]

TRAVIS: I was a little drunk and instead of saying 'Krod', 'cause I saw it in reflection, I said 'Kord' and I was like, "Dammit, fuck! No! It's 'Krod'!"

BRIAN: Kord.

TRAVIS: Shit! And Liam was like, "Life imitates art!"

BRIAN: Kord. Hey guys. Not guys. Liam, where'd you get that wonderful shirt?

LIAM: What, this one right here?

LAURA: Oh, the one you wore–

LIAM: –for our Christmas celebration?

LAURA: –yeah!

LIAM: Yeah. It says Spoiler Alert: Everybody Dies, and we all do. And I'm not talking about the game.

LAURA: Aww.

LIAM: I got it at Threadless.com.

TRAVIS: Game of Thrones.

LAURA: Threadless, man!

BRIAN: Threadless.com.

TRAVIS: All men must die.

BRIAN: That's where you go for great shirts.

LAURA: Valar morghulis.

BRIAN: Here we go.

LAURA & TRAVIS: Valar dohaeris.

BRIAN: Liam, one more. How does Vax feel about the fact that when Keyleth returns to the Air Ashari, she is meant to stay and rule?

LIAM: I mean, he has no idea how to navigate towards this, but I think he sees himself, what he would hope for if he can work things out and make sure that his sister's happy and everybody gets everything they want, he would be like a Jorah [Mormont] figure standing at her side, and then he would age out and die, and she would go on to another lover or husband or whatever and he would have his time with her and be thankful for it and pass on. He's gotta get there, though.

BRIAN: What do you do–

LAURA: Why does she get to live an extra-long time? I don't understand.

LIAM: Because she's made of trees.

LAURA: Yeah, but she's made of half-elf, like we are.

LIAM: But she turns into trees.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Like she'll be living forever as a tree?

BRIAN: But will she float?

LIAM: A thousand years.

TRAVIS: A 'tow-zend.'

LIAM: 'Tow-zend.'

LAURA: I know she lives a thousand years, I just didn't know why she lived a thousand years.

LIAM: Because the Player's Handbook says she does.

TRAVIS: If you can turn into a fuckin' tree, you would live a little longer.

LAURA: Yeah, but you'd be stuck in place 'cause you're a tree!

TRAVIS: Are they like Treebeard?

LAURA: Why would you want to do that?

TRAVIS: Are they Treebeard trees or are they just–?

[Denise laughs off-camera.]

BRIAN: Of course you caught that, Denise. Sorry. Everything's fine. Do you know what you should do?

LIAM: What?

BRIAN: Go off with Keyleth and do what people think I do with my life, which is live off the wealth of your betrothed.

[laughing]

LIAM: Keyleth and Vax need to play Call of Duty non-stop!

TRAVIS: Ah, if only that was the truth.

BRIAN: Oh man, it's been a minute. It's been a minute. Hey guys. We gotta wrap up here. Do you know why? AXYB is back and they are coming on at 9, but guess what? Gotta go back to Twitch, 'cause it's not on Alpha yet. It will be soon–no it won't.

LAURA: [laughing] No it won't!

BRIAN: I get fed a lot of bogus info. You know what I mean?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

BRIAN: People try to trap me and try to get me to say a lot of bogus stuff on the show.

LAURA: Who knows what–y'know, you just say it, y'know–

BRIAN: I say everything people tell me and then I let the internet sort through what's true and what's not.

LAURA: That's right.

TRAVIS: The Loch Ness monster is real!

LAURA: I think he was just reiterating information that he got, and he believed it was true and he was just–[Travis covers her mouth]

TRAVIS: No more.

BRIAN: It's a great show, though, you should watch it anyway.

TRAVIS: No more talky.

[Laura laughing]

TRAVIS: No more talky.

BRIAN: Travis, I'm not sure if you've been asked this before, but on a game-to-game basis, how often do you have an awesome strategy that you have to scrap because of your dedication to the role of Grog?

LIAM: So unfair.

LAURA: Because you're such a good player, you're the best of us.

TRAVIS: I think I have some lint in my belly button.

BRIAN: Denise, can we get tweezers and a close-up?

TRAVIS: Uh, what was the question?

LIAM: Sometimes he tells me about his time at Rada [sp?] and on the West End–

TRAVIS: Yep.

LIAM: –and it's just wasted. Wasted. Hidden away.

TRAVIS: All these plans that I had to go study at CERN, they're just–

BRIAN: Do you ever have to abandon–like, say–I'm going to try and interpret the question. You're in the game, rounds are happening, you're thinking, "Oh I know exactly what to do," but then you have to abandon the strategy because it's not something Grog would do because he's a dumb-dumb.

TRAVIS: Never. No. I love playing a barbarian, because I didn't know anything about D&D. I read, like, some of the Wizard class, Druids, spells, levels, cantrips, all that shit. Super intimidated me. I thought it would be too much. I only have to think about what I'm gonna hit, with what, where, and how. And that is, it works for me beautifully. I don't have to get super-creative. Um, like, if I get really out of the box, I pull out the Alchemy Jug and ask for oil, 'cause I think that's going to make a kraken lurch. Other than that, it's just like [rage noises] and that's it.

LIAM: We used to be brothers in arms with that, too. Don't need it, don't want it, don't understand it.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

LIAM: And I've only got level 1 spells and I'm like "Owww."

TRAVIS: "It hurts, it's taking years off my life!"

LIAM: "I ate too much ice cream!"

LAURA: "Wait, wait! This is a concentration and this is a concentration–"

TRAVIS: I know, I know.

LAURA: "–shiiiiit!"

TRAVIS: I look every once in awhile to try and dabble and it scares the pee-noss out of me, so.

BRIAN: I–wizards are tough. Wizards are tough.

LAURA: Yeah, dude.

BRIAN: I'm doing a lot of research, lot of late-night Matt Mercer calls. Lot of Venmo-ing him. He's very expensive if you're not in his game.

[laughing]

LAURA: He charges by the hour.

TRAVIS: He doesn't give you the family–the friends and family, does he?

BRIAN: I asked him him for one and he said if you know any friends or family of mine that want to put–

[laughing]

BRIAN: Well, that's all the time we have for tonight, folks. I'd like to thank everyone for joining. We should just do this [referring to roses] every week now. That's it. We'll see you next week, thank you for submitting questions to the Alpha Chat Room. Thank you Courtney. Thank you Max. Thank you Denise. Thank you everyone.

LAURA: Thank you Danny.

BRIAN: Thank you, Danny. Thank you Eddy. Goodnight moon.

LIAM: Goodnight, Mittens.

BRIAN: Goodnight, Mittens.

TRAVIS: Thanks, Chris! Thanks Ryan!

BRIAN: Thank you Chris, thank you Ryan, thank you Sax, thank you everyone.

DENISE (off screen): Selina.

BRIAN: Thank you Selina.

LAURA: Thank you Selina!

BRIAN: Thank you Amandine. Pre-thank you Amandine! For coming back to us. Legally, this time. I'm kidding.

LIAM: Thank you rose.

BRIAN: Love you guys. Thank you for watching. Thank you rose.

LAURA: Thank you broom.

BRIAN: Thank you, broom. Goodnight! That's it, Denise.

DENISE (off screen): Okay, BYYYYE!

[laughing]