Transcript:Talks Machina 18: Vox Machina Go to Hell

List of Transcripts

Thanks to a fanmade CR transcript for the "After Dark" segment!

After Dark
MARISHA: You got this buddy.

BRIAN: We're back. Talks Machina in the Dark.

OFFSCREEN VOICE: No!

MATT: [laughing] “No!”

[all laughing]

BRIAN: Talks Machina… After Dark.

MARISHA: Yes!

BRIAN: Yeah!

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: There we go.

BRIAN: Well, we have questions from the Alpha chat, which we take for this portion of the show.

MATT: Hi, Alpha chat!

MARISHA: [in a lispy voice] Hi, Alpha chat!

BRIAN: We have questions for Matt and Marisha and for Fan Friction Film, sometimes Films.

CAIT (VEX): Sometimes, but only sometimes.

BRIAN: Up first. Question for Marisha. What's it like seeing cosplays of Keyleth compared to how you view her in your head.

MARISHA: I love every single one. One of my favorite things about, like, seeing all the Keyleth cosplays is seeing each person's interpretation of her. It's the same way that I feel about like the fan art as well ‘cause they're all our own mind-canons… head-canons… I like mind-canons.

BRIAN: Last week you said “future-thinky.”

MATT: Mind Cannon is, I think, a level six ability.

MARISHA: Future thinky!

BRIAN: Last week she said–she was like, “It's good to be future-thinky.”

MATT: [talking quietly about “Mind Cannons”]

BRIAN: Yeah, those Mind Cannons? Yeah. More powerful than a Firebolt.

MATT: Yeah. Well, that's kind of what's cool about, y'know, shows like this, because, y'know, while Kit did the official designs–“official”–it's open to such interpretation because each character is by everyone's imagination. It's all just a narrative thing, so everyone has their own idea–their own creation of what they interpret–

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: –and that is kind of why it's so amazing to see people in many ways do a better job, y'know, illustrating or showing things that I imagine in my head.

MARISHA: And we dressed as our characters for the opening title sequence–

MATT: Right.

MARISHA: –so we know how difficult and uncomfortable this shit is.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: So every time we see someone we're like, “Damn!”

MATT: I feel you.

MARISHA: Yeah, like this? [gestures to the FFF group] Yeah, we feel you.

CAIT (VEX): Well, and like–

BRIAN: Brandon got here three weeks ago to start putting on makeup.

MARISHA: I know, right! Basically.

CAIT (VEX): Every time you guys add something to the character, like, in canon, like every time they get a new, like, item–

BRIAN: Or a vestige, or yeah.

CAIT (VEX): Yeah, something happens. It's cool as a cosplayer to A) have some creative freedom to do, like, maybe you've wanted to build something that looks like this but you haven't had, like, a reason to do it before or, like, B) to continue to be able to, like, add and evolve a costume. Like, you're never–you're never really done with it.

[general agreement]

CAIT (VEX): And it's also nice too that there's no, like, true, like, canon-canon-canon version of this because cosplay can–it can get kind of competitive sometimes. People, like–

MARISHA: Want the screen-accurate–

CAIT (VEX): –want–yeah, they want the screen accurate–

MARISHA: Yeah.

CAIT (VEX): –or they want–they want to be the best or whatever–

MARISHA: Right.

CAIT (VEX): –and with this, that's–that's gone, it's eliminated! You can just celebrate the fact that you and somebody else both like the same character enough to make the same costume and that's super cool.

BRIAN: That's awesome.

MARISHA: That's an interesting point that I never thought of, that this is like a weird cosplay where you can actually like level it up with us, which is kinda sick! That's amazing!

CAIT (VEX): If you have Cabal's Ruin–

JULIE (PERCY): I have Cabal's Ruin–

CAIT (VEX): –in the Green Room I think?

MATT: That's awesome!

CAIT (VEX): Yeah!

MARISHA: But yeah, I was just telling Elizabeth [Keyleth cosplayer] before the show I loved the gradient butterflies–

[Elizabeth stands up to show the butterflies off. Somebody wolf-whistles.]

BRIAN: Oh yeah, that is–

MARISHA: –that she did.

BRIAN: –so crazy.

MATT: That's badass.

MARISHA: Which I noticed and like–yeah.

CAIT (VEX): Hey girl.

MARISHA: Yeah. Which I saw that in the music video–

BRIAN: How come when I do that, people get mad?

MARISHA: –and was like “That's so rad!”

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): You don't have butterflies.

MATT: It's true.

MARISHA: You're jealous of the butterflies.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Get your own butterflies.

MATT: Hashtag: GetBrianHisButterflies.

[laughing]

MATT: That's a thing now.

BRIAN: Here we go. Guys, Matt, what about–this is from Svedwar [user]–

MATT: Svedwar!

BRIAN: What about Freddy and Greg made you break so hard?

[laughing]

MATT: It's–it's hard to explain. When you're so into a moment, especially like the mood-setting of the Hells and like the intensity of a negotiation–really, the first party's negotiation with any sort of devilish entity–in a space that is so dangerous and so out of what they're used to dealing with, I–I was so, like, steeped in that moment and it was less…The Freddy was fine, it was more the…

BRIAN: Greg.

MARISHA: Greg.

MATT: In a way that only Travis can do it, which was like, “It's still practically your name, dude, you just fucked up your O a little bit.” And his matter-of-fact Travis way of saying it–

BRIAN: Uh-huh.

MATT: It just… it was a left hook and I just couldn't. Couldn't recover.

BRIAN: Yeah. When you don't see the process happen in his mind, 'cause it just comes out so fast–

MATT: Yeah.

BRIAN: –it just gets you off-guard. Travis has pulled a few of those. Remember on the Critmas episode when he was reading the cards and he said “Mine says 'Sam lied'”? I was dying.

MATT: Yeah!

BRIAN: It was so fast. San Friction–oh, what a great idea–Bean Princess 19: How about–any plans for a VM/Hamilton cross-over music video?

[general oohing]

CAIT (VEX): Y'know, I suggested this–

BRIAN: You did?!

CAIT (VEX): –when we were–yeah–when we were looking for a song for this–

BRIAN: Yeah!

CAIT (VEX): –because we–we had the idea to do a video before we had the idea to use Critical Hit by No More Kings – that's the name of the song in the video.

BUCKLE (VAX): Title drop!

CAIT (VEX): Ayy! Check them out! They're super-cool, really nice guys and really like very supportive of this whole thing.

BRIAN: Yeah!

CAIT (VEX): But before we had that song, we knew we wanted to do a video. We searched, seriously, collective group-effort searching, like fifteen hours going through Spotify and the internet, YouTube, reddit, whatever. And at one point I was like “What if we just used Hamilton?” And it was immediately shot down. They were just like “It's not gonna be funny.” And I was like–

BRIAN: Oh, yeah?

BUCKLE (VAX): I didn't say that, I said–

BRIAN: Oh! Who shot it down, I wonder, hmm!

BUCKLE (VAX): I just outed myself again.

BRIAN: Oh no.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Hiding in the closet with the cutting board.

[giggling laughter from everyone throughout]

BUCKLE (VAX): I said that Hamilton–I want a divorce.

BRIAN: Oh no! No, not on this show! Please save it 'til after! I get enough grief!

BUCKLE (VAX): We're not even married yet.

MATT: So get married…

BUCKLE (VAX): We're engaged!

MATT: Congratulations!

BRIAN: Congrats!

BUCKLE (VAX): Thank you!

MARISHA: Hey, engaged couples!

BRIAN: Yeah!

MATT: Yay!

[they high-five]

CAIT (VEX): Hey, we did it this time! I'm really proud.

MARISHA: We did it, yeah!

BUCKLE (VAX): See, practice works.

MARISHA: Engagement bros.

BRIAN: You don't have to say when it is, but have you picked out a date?

BUCKLE (VAX): What I said is that Hamilton was so much of a–

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Mid-October.

BUCKLE (VAX): Hamilton was so much of a phenomenon on–

MARISHA: Oh! October bros!

[all laughig]

BRIAN: Sorry.

MARISHA: Sorry, continue.

BUCKLE (VAX): Nobody cares about this anyway.

[all laughing]

BRIAN: What day?

MARISHA: What day? Do you have a day yet?

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): I don't think we've picked out a day yet, but it's not–it's not–

BUCKLE (VAX): November. We want fall.

MARISHA: Yeah.

CAIT (VEX): One of you said October, one of you said November.

BUCKLE (VAX): We've talked about this.

BRIAN: There'll be two weddings. One for her, one for h–yeah.

BUCKLE (VAX): Our relationship transcends pesky things like dates and numbers.

BRIAN: I respect that.

BUCKLE (VAX): We're not into that.

MATT: Esoteric dates.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): I mean, we forgot about our anniversary this year, so clearly–

[all laughing]

BRIAN: “We” did? Or–

BUCKLE (VAX): Mom, Dad, we love each other–

BRIAN: –we did?

BUCKLE (VAX): –a lot, and–

BRIAN: If you both forget, it's fine.

DENISE-CC: [inaudible] Who gets the cutting board?

BRANDON (GROG): “Who gets the cutting board?”

BRIAN: “Who gets the cutting board?” Who said that? Denise?!

[all laughing]

CAIT (VEX): I'm keeping Denise.

BRIAN: Who gets the cutting board in the divorce?

[continued laughing]

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Well, it's relatively squarish, so I want the panhandle.

BRIAN: Oh my god.

CAIT (VEX): It looks like a knife, honestly, like a toothbrush.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): It looks a little bit like a butcher's knife.

BRIAN: I'm sure we'll see it on Dateline at some point.

[laughing chatter]

BUCKLE (VAX): I'm sure we're not the only people who feel this way, but after ten years together, one day just seems arbitrary.

BRIAN: Yeah.

MATT: Totally.

MARISHA: Yeah.

BUCKLE (VAX): It–it–one day, no matter how fantastic, cannot hold a candle to a life together, y'know?

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Oh, that's poetic!

MARISHA: When Vox Machina talks about being family, this is what we mean.

[Marisha is gesticulating, brushing up against Matt's mic, which he gently tries to guide her hand away from, eliciting laughter]

MARISHA: Sorry.

[more laughing]

MARISHA: Fuck your mic! [mimes elbow-dropping his mic]

MATT: Chat room is like, “Yaaagh, RIP ears! Back to episode two!”

BUCKLE (VAX): Now that we've made it really awkward and personal, what's the next question?

[all laughing]

MATT: No, that's awesome, thanks for sharing!

BRIAN: Next question is…how long have you guys been together?

[all laughing]

BUCKLE (VAX): Ten years!

CAIT (VEX): Approximately five minutes.

BRIAN: We're gonna systematically watch the end of a relationship.

CAIT (VEX): We met in the parking lot.

BRIAN: And we saved it for Alpha.

BUCKLE (VAX): Well, we met you [Cait] on Craigslist, so it's not out of the question.

CAIT (VEX): Technically, I met you on–or, no, you met me on Craig's List! You found me!

MATT: That's how we [Matt & Marisha] met!

[awwwww]

CAIT (VEX): They're my Craig's List roommates, which I feel like explains a lot.

BRIAN: That's how I got my job–that's how I got my job at Two Broke Girls, was on–

[laughing]

BRIAN: –Craigslist. You know how many broke girls are on the show now? I have a lot of trivia. There's two.

[laughing]

MATT: God dammit, Brian.

BRIAN: Guys, are there any characters…are there any other characters–this is from Vex'ahlia–

CAIT (VEX): Heyyyy.

BRIAN: Hey, I don't know, I told you guys not to submit questions, please.

CAIT (VEX): Sorry.

BRIAN: Kidding. Are there any other characters from Critical Role you want to cosplay and if so, who?

[Ulthar starts reaching for the mic]

BRIAN: Scanlan is itching. Give him the mic, at once!

ULTHAR (SCANLAN): I have developed a very deep need–like, literally yesterday–to be Tiberius.

ULTHAR (SCANLAN): I'm going to figure this out. If I have to glue rhinestones to my skin…

MARISHA: With the horns and everything?

ULTHAR (SCANLAN): I'll need, like, foot-tall platform boots.

MARISHA: Yeah.

JULIE (PERCY): I believe in you.

BRIAN: Make sure you use glue that's skin-appropriate.

BRANDON (GROG): Out of context.

BRIAN: Yeah, yeah. Not like I did.

ULTHAR (SCANLAN): Hot glue. Entirely hot glue.

CAIT (VEX): You wanna just pass it along?

BRIAN: Yeah, are there any NPCs or anyobody else?

JULIE (PERCY): I actually cosplayed Vax. That was actually the first one that I did, for the Halloween contest.

MATT: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

MARISHA: Oh, rad!

JULIE (PERCY): So that was really fun. I don't know. It's a joke among my friends and I that we all, like, plan to cosplay all of Vox Machina at one point.

[laughing]

JULIE (PERCY): Like, each and every character.

BRIAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

JULIE (PERCY): And it's fun.

BRANDON (GROG): I'm pretty dedicated to Grog.

[general chatter]

DENISE-CC: I will be Vex'ahlia for WonderCon in the masquerade with my Grog.

[cheering]

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): That's awesome!

BRIAN: That's awesome. Elizabeth?

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): I have a cosplay habit of looking at the tallest, most masculine manly-man in anything and being like, "I wanna be that one, but a girl!” And, as I started listening to CritRole, I was making Keyleth, but I was making eyes at Grog going, “I really, really wanna be Grog.”

MARISHA: Dude, oh, do it!

MATT: FemGrog!?

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): I wanna be FemGrog!

MATT: That would be amazing!

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): So I want to go from tiny, tiny slim druid to like–

MARISHA: To buff Grog.

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): To buff Grog

MARISHA: Barbarian, man.

MATT: Do it. Do it.

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): So yeah, maybe one day.

MARISHA: I appreciate that.

BRIAN: [reacting to a question in Alpha] Is this true?!

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Is what true?

BRIAN: Sorry.

MATT: Continue.

BRIAN: Continue. I saw a provocative question come through, I'm scared now.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): I mean, Pike was always sort of my one-and-done. I am Pike, she is me. But if I had to, probably Doty.

[general cheering]

BRIAN: I would love to see that.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Would you put on a fake beard for me?

BUCKLE (VAX): Well now I have to, for Taryon, because I love me a beard.

MATT: You could just go gem shopping. All the gems.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Oh man. That's what I love. I love rhinestones.

BRIAN: Go to the goatee store.

BUCKLE (VAX): Ever since the first mention of Percy when I started watching, I pictured this fabulous, like, regency coat, like very tailored with the puffy top and cravats. Not a lot of like–a lot of fanart people do is really great, but it's more fantasy and I–I'm really interested in doing a super-historical, minimalist kind of Percy.

[ooooh]

BUCKLE (VAX): So, I have my designs drawn up and I'm gonna start pretty soon, so.

MARISHA: Oh my gosh, yes.

BRIAN: That is so cool.

CAIT (VEX): And I am cosplaying Vex 'cause she is the character I probably relate to the most, but Percy is my fave and if I thought for a second I could pass, I would have been–I would have been Percy, hands down. But I like looked at my face in the mirror and was like “Mmm, I don't know.”

MATT: Oh, that shouldn't stop you.

BRIAN: I do that every day.

[laughing]

CAIT (VEX): No, so, I was–I was like, I think–I think I'm just gonna–I'm just gonna be Vex. Maybe I'll do Percy at some point.

BRIAN: Yeah.

MARISHA: Do it.

BUCKLE (VAX): Everybody's Percy.

CAIT (VEX): Everybody's Percy–that's our next video, we're all Percy.

BRIAN: That would be amazing.

CAIT (VEX): No Mercy Percy, yeah.

BRIAN: Taliesin would be happier than I can say on this program.

[background chatter]

BUCKLE (VAX): …you can have a lot of copies of the same character and it's fine.

MATT: Yeah.

BRIAN: Yeah!

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Yeah, Buckle, it's called Caiter (?) Double.

[laughing]

MATT: It's called, someone cast Seeming.

BRIAN: Oh yeah!

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): We could do the Seeming where they're only Vex and Vax!

CAIT (VEX): We should do all Vex and Vax! Next video!

[general enthusiasm and agreement]

CAIT (VEX): We've already got multiple Vaxes and multiple Vexes–

MATT: This is amazing.

BRIAN: You're not coming on this show with everyone dressed as Vex and Vax because I will not be able to speak.

[laughing]

BRIAN: I won't be able to get the thing–

CAIT (VEX): We're just gonna break in here–

BRIAN: Please!

CAIT (VEX): –all dressed as Vex and Vax.

MATT: I love it.

BRIAN: How do you think Denise got this job? Guys, someone tell me if this is true. TBoyz [user] tells me: how do you guys feel about the fact that there's a Krogan named Strongjaw Grog in Mass Effect–

MATT: Yes!

BRIAN: –Andromeda.

MATT: That is true, apparently.

MARISHA: Yeah.

BRIAN: Are you jealous that you didn't get an easter egg and how much money did Travis use to bribe EA?

MATT: That's a good question to ask Travis. I'm excited that there's any sort of Critical Role easter egg. We're discovering, as time goes on, at like cartoon recording sessions, video game sessions, general industry folk all over, people are into Critical Role in places you wouldn't expect and we have a lot of people that we're fans of that then conversely we found out are fans of the show and it's been a really cool kind of experience to run into these people and have these conversations. And so yeah, we've seen easter eggs like that starting to show up in mass media–

BRIAN: Yeah!

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: It just feels really cool.

MARISHA: We're, “Whaaaaaaat?”

MATT: Almost as cool as having a bunch of people dress up as your entire party.

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): You said it a was “almost”. It was “almost” as cool, so you're saying that we are cooler than Mass Effect: Andromeda?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah, that–that might be true.

ELIZABETH (KEYLETH): Oh, wow. We're gonna put that on our blogs now: Matt Mercer says we're cooler than Mass Effect.

MISSADVENTURE (PIKE): Cooler than Mass Effect: Andromeda.

[Buckle takes the mic away from Elizabeth]

BUCKLE (VAX): You cannot be trusted with this mic anymore.

[laughing]

CAIT (VEX): Oh, man, yeah that sound bite is never going away.

[laughing]

BRIAN: Yep, that's a lot of this show.

[laughing]

BRIAN: Us saying that to each other. Ask Taliesin. Let's see. Let's pick the last question of the night.

MARISHA: Last question!

BRIAN: If you–this is from Rose Artemis [user]–question for the cast. If you could have someone direct Vox Machina the movie, TV series, who would it be and why? And then you guys [FFF] can say if you have a favorite director or–

MATT: I would say David Milch.

BRIAN: Right?

MATT: Just because it would be ridiculous, filled with the right amount of curse words, and we could get Ian McShane to play everybody.

BRIAN: I know!

[Matt laughing]

MARISHA: That would be amazing.

BRIAN: Ian McShane as Thordak, Ian McShane as everyone. Victor?

MATT: I'd watch it. I don't care if anybody else would watch it, I just want to see it.

BRIAN: I'd watch it, absolutely.

MARISHA: I mean, me and like, y'know…y'know…I feel like maybe Joss Whedon–

BRIAN: Yeah.

MARISHA: –doing like full-on Avengers style, like… got a boner for Joss Whedon's writing shit.

MATT: Don't we all?

MARISHA: So… I mean, yeah.

MATT: Hashtag: MarishasWhedonBoner.

[giggling]

BRIAN: Use the hashtag…no, please guys.

MATT: Please don't do that.

MARISHA: That'd be rad.

MATT: Joss is a good choice because he has the good balance of like action, dramatic, and–

MARISHA: And humor.

MATT: –good humor and characterization.

BRIAN: David Fincher for me!

MARISHA: Ohhh!

[shuffling around]

BRIAN: Oh there's a gift!

CAIT (VEX): We actually have a gift for Matt.

BRIAN: Let's present it to him at once!

MARISHA: Oh boy!

BRIAN: Look at this!

MATT: What the heck?

BRIAN: It's my dick in a box.

MATT: That'd be impressive from over here.

CAIT (VEX): Merry Critmas.

MATT: Thank you guys.

[Matt opens it to reveal the mounted head of the Raishan pinata from the video.]

MATT: Whaaaaat!

BRIAN: What is it? What is it?!

MATT: Holy shit! So in the video, y'know they had the Raishan pinata?

[He pulls it out of the box]

BRIAN: Yeah. Oh, it's–is this the actual one?!

MATT: They mounted it.

BRIAN: Oh my god!

MARISHA: That's amazing!

MATT: That's so awesome! That's living on this set, guys. I hope you know what you've done.

[cheering]

BRIAN: Yeah, it is. Hell yeah, it is.

MARISHA: That's so good.

MATT: That's so good.

MARISHA: I can't believe you mounted it!

BUCKLE (VAX): It's like when your cat–

MATT: Oh shit, look at her eyes!

BUCKLE (VAX): –goes hunting and then it like lays rats on your porch for you.

[laughing]

MATT: It's so good!

BRIAN: That is great.

MATT: And you can totally see she's been Feebleminded.

BUCKLE (VAX): The eyes were very crooked–that's the fixed version.

[laughing]

MATT: That's beautiful.

BRIAN: Maybe we'll put it where that weird thing is.

MARISHA: Oh, that's true!

MATT: Yeah, we can do it.

MARISHA: Yeah, we can fill–for sure, that thing.

[Denise say something off-screen]

BRIAN: What?! We have to ask Denise first?

MARISHA: We have to ask Denise?!

BRIAN: Oh my god. That's all the time we have for tonight, folks. Thank you for watching Talks Machina After Dark. We will see you…at WonderCon, hopefully. We are gonna go off the air, but in ten minutes, AXYB starts at 9 back on Twitch–

[Someone talks off screen]

BRIAN: What?

OFFSCREEN VOICE: Yeah, ten minutes.

BRIAN: That's what I said. Why did you interrupt me?

[laughing]

BRIAN: She's getting–

[Denise making spaced-out nosies off-screen.]

BRIAN: –unhinged. She's become unhinged. The end is near, my friends. Denise will be roaming the streets like Jumanji. Thanks to everyone–

MATT: The video game?

BRIAN: The video game. Thank you guys so much for coming on and for dressing up and for doing this. Will you come back?

[all agreeing]

BUCKLE (VAX): We're just down the street!

CAIT (VEX): Yeah, let us know, we're literally down the street.

BRIAN: Except for Julie! Julie flew in from Florida.

CAIT (VEX): Yeah, we'll fly her back out here.

BUCKLE (VAX): You're going to have to pry my sweaty ass of this couch.

CAIT (VEX): Aaaaand you've just lost mic privileges, too.

BRIAN: Nope, nope, we love you guys. Thank you! Thank you for coming on, Matt and Marisha. Forgot about you guys. It's so hard with this beautiful–

MATT: I know. We can't blame you.

BRIAN: –array of–

MARISHA: Yeah, no, we're here.

BRIAN: We love you guys. Thank you for watching. Go back to Twitch. Watch AXYB at 9. Thank you so much, we love you. We will see you Thursday for Critical Role.

[all cheering]