Transcript:Fight at the Museum...

Pre-show
MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

ALL: (hollering) We play Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT: Before we jump into our episode tonight, we do have some announcements to get through, beginning this time, actually, with the fact that we have no Ashley Johnson with us tonight at the table, which makes me really sad. (groaning) She has the 'VID, the COVID. Asymptomatic, she's feeling fine, but for our safety and all the safety measures that we put in place for our production, she's sitting out for tonight. Hopefully, we'll have her back next week. We'll see how things go until we get there, but in the interim, she'll be texting us things she wants Fearne to do and our friends here will be jaegering her.

TRAVIS: We love you, Ashley!

MATT: Love you, Ashley. (shouting)

MATT: Oh, this is weirdly familiar from old days. I hate it. I hate it.

TRAVIS: Damn you, COVID!

MATT: I know.

MARISHA: Separation anxiety is real.

LIAM: Season six. (laughter)

MATT: Curse you, Blindspot. But we do have some other announcements to get to. We have our first of two sponsors, Cash App. Sam.

SAM: Yeah, boy! Welcome one, welcome all to the Finger Championship Games sponsored by Cash App, the easiest way to send, spend, and save money and the number one finance app in the app store. You could invest in stocks with as little as $1, and you can connect your direct deposit and get paid two days early. Last time, we saw The Palm Pilot, that's you, Travis, obliterated by Marisha Ray, AKA The Finger Blaster.

TRAVIS: Oh jeez.

MARISHA: Still not loving that name, but.

SAM: But you will love the ease with which I deliver your monetary prize to your Cash App account, if you win tonight's heavyweight bout.

MATT: So stupid.

MARISHA: Yes, I've downloaded the Cash App, truly, and I am ready to receive the prize that I am owed from last match.

SAM: And receive it you will, if you defeat tonight's challenger. I've enlisted quite the competitor to wow the fans and ensure that I do not have to send that payment. The five-time reigning champion of the International Thumb Wrestling circuit and winner of the Extreme Knuckle Games, I give you The Digital Dominator.

TALIESIN: Yeah!

SAM: All right, Digital D, what do you have to say?

TALIESIN: It's simple. I've conquered thumbs. I've destroyed knuckles. Winning finger wrestling will be a snap, ah! Ah!

SAM: Snapped it, he snapped it! Strong words from The Double D. Any retort, Finger Blaster?

MARISHA: Tough talk, Dominator, but I do my talking with these, baby.

SAM: Ooh! (laughter)

TALIESIN and MARISHA: (growl)

SAM: You have another line, you have another line.

MARISHA: You might be able to break wood, but you're about to be nailed.

SAM: Get it? Finger nailed, yeah! Okay. Save it, you two, for the Cash App sponsored Finger Ringer. All right, remember if the Finger Blaster wins, she gets twice the prize. If Digital Dominator wins, I'll save a buttload of money, but technically, I'm impartial. Let's get prepared to thumble! And... Fight! Okay, here they go, everybody. Oh, it's a solid knuckle lock from Marisha. Oh, but the Dominator breaks free. Oh, oh. Oh, a devastating wrist rocket from the Finger-- from Taliesin. Oh, here comes, here comes-- Oh, Freddy Krueger, for Marisha! Is this the end? It can't be, it can't be.

MARISHA: Oh! (yelling)

MARISHA: What the hell? You blinded me.

SAM: I did blind you. Finish her off, Digital Dominator!

SAM: That's a pin. One, two, oh! (groans) Out of nowhere, Finger Blaster comes in with a tiny table. One, two, three, it's over! It's over! The match is over!

MARISHA: (yells)

SAM: Oh!

LAURA: Woo!

SAM: That was astounding. Finger Blaster, that move had to be illegal.

MARISHA: Well, you know what, maybe you're next, Vince McSam, unless I get my prize money.

SAM: Well, it will definitely be a breeze to transfer to you with the Cash App. Download it now at the App Store and Google Play Store and if you sign up now, new users can use code "Critical Role" for $15 and $10 will go to our very own Critical Role Foundation, terms apply. Matt, back to you.

MARISHA: But my prize money.

SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's coming.

MATT: (coughs)

TRAVIS: It smells like a baby.

MATT: It is. I believe it was "CRITROLE" is the code on that one.

SAM: Sorry. (laughter)

TRAVIS: You look like you're at a ski resort. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Your turtleneck is--

MARISHA: The turtleneck.

SAM: I thought that I had a different shirt with this costume. (laughter) I don't know.

TRAVIS: That was great.

LIAM: Robert Goulet. (laughter)

MATT: La da de da da da do, nature. All right. It's why I come up here.

SAM: I'm really tired. (laughter)

MATT: You burned it in the opening, well done.

LAURA: I love how you talcumed Travis' computer over there.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

TRAVIS: That's good.

MATT: Oh yeah, yeah, it's great. So we have our second sponsor tonight of this episode is ELEX II.

TALIESIN: ELEX II.

MATT: The open world, science fantasy RPG developed by Piranha Bytes and published by THQ Nordic. Set on a post-apocalyptic planet, Magalan, a powerful resource named Elex gives people great magic-like powers, but turns them into indifferent, cold creatures. When a new threat has arrived from the sky, unleashing the dangerous powers of dark Elex, our hero, Jax-- voiced by our own Taliesin Jaffe-- (cheering)

MATT: -- must convince the five factions to unite against the invaders and find his own son, Dex, lot of Xs. Shape the future of Magalan as your actions have consequences, and fly and fight with your jet pack.

LAURA: Whoa.

MATT: I also lent my voice to a handful of characters in the game and you can actually check out our latest Everything is Content video where Taliesin and I play it-- Or Taliesin plays it, and I taunt him from behind. You can meet our characters. The game is out now for PC and consoles and you can find out more at thqn.net/criticalrole-elex2. Enjoy a very special 10% off your ELEX II purchase at GOG.com, with code "CRELEX2." And 20% off your purchases at store.thqnordic.com with the code "CRITICALROLE." They got some cool stuff like, you know, different copies of the game and different versions.

SAM: Oh, that's a real thing.

MATT: And like, big statues.

LAURA: Woo!

MATT: Cool outfits. So check it out.

LIAM: Can I say I'm a big fan of the characters, Dex and Jax.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Dex and Jax.

MATT: Hell yeah. Also, want to let you guys know, our fundraiser with our friends at Red Nose Day to provide much needed assistance to children living below the poverty line is still going.

TRAVIS: Yes, yes, yes!

MATT: So your donations have shaped an adventure GMed by yours truly, and as a result, Marisha, Ashley, and Sam will be reprising their Mighty Nein characters to play alongside the one, the only, Stephen Colbert. (cheering)

TRAVIS: Give it to me, give it to me.

MATT: We've gone from one-on-one to a group game now, which is great, we're building, we're building. Even though the polls are closed, you can still donate and share our campaign at critrole.com/rednoseday. Thank you all so much for your support and please be sure to tune in to our adventure with Stephen next Thursday, April 28th at 7:00pm Pacific on Twitch and YouTube. Marisha, you're up.

MARISHA: Oh boy.

TRAVIS: Oh boy!

MARISHA: 4-Sided Dive, episode two.

TRAVIS: Dos!

MARISHA: That's right, is coming up, and that's covering all the way up to episode 21, that's this one.

SAM: I did not know that.

MARISHA: I know, yeah, surprise. You can still submit your questions to critrole.com/tower. Slash this way, right, tower? Our production team also helps come up with really in-depth, amazing questions. Thank you, Dani. Thank you, Kyle. It allows up to deep dive into our characters in the campaign, you know, it's a real good time. You can watch 4-Sided Dive on Tuesday, May 3rd at 7:00pm Pacific on Twitch and YouTube. And yeah. They're the first Tuesday of every month, basically. That's when the show is.

TRAVIS: Nice.

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: And that's coming up.

MATT: Fantastic. Yay! Thank you, Marisha.

MARISHA: Yay.

MATT: I think that concludes our announcements, so let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role. (yelling)

♪ Critical ♪ ♪ Critical ♪ ♪ It's Thursday ♪ ♪ It's Thursday night! ♪

ASHLEY: ♪ One-by-one, we climb until we reach the top. ♪ ♪ Two-by-two, we fall. ♪

LAURA: ♪ Will we meet our end or meet our destiny? ♪ ♪ Hold your breath and roll! ♪

MATT: How do you want to do this?

ALL: ♪ It's Thursday night ♪ ♪ All ye Critters, come join us ♪ ♪ It's time to continue our plight ♪ ♪ There is magic and mystery ♪ ♪ Who knows what will happen? ♪ ♪ He might! ♪ ♪ But one thing's for sure, ♪ ♪ We never give up on the fight! ♪

TRAVIS: ♪ From the healer ♪

LIAM: ♪ To the renegade ♪

MATT: ♪ We all share the same goal ♪

MATT and TALIESIN: ♪ Adding more allies ♪ ♪ Taking more chances ♪

SAM: ♪ Hold your breath and roll ♪

MARISHA: You can certainly try.

ALL: ♪ It's Thursday night ♪ ♪ All ye Critters, come join us ♪ ♪ It's time to continue our plight ♪ ♪ It's Thursday night. ♪ ♪ There is magic and mystery ♪ ♪ From darkness, our friendship will rise ♪ ♪ But one thing's for sure: ♪ ♪ We never give up on the fight ♪ ♪ Oh, get ready, ♪ ♪ Get ready, ♪ ♪ It's Thursday night! ♪

(flames whooshing)

Part I
MATT: And welcome back.

LAURA: Hmm.

LIAM: That was good.

MATT: Jeez.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm!

MATT: So last we left off: Bells Hells had made their way northward in the Oderan Wilds towards the Heartmoor, the marsh region of the north side of this area in Marquet. And the Heartmoor Hamlet, the city that is built in the center of this space. Upon meeting some individuals, getting some information about the red moon, Ruidus, and some unique elements of Imogen's nightmares that may have some connection. You gathered some materials and you met up with Evon Hytroga. You were sent here by Jiana Hexum to be one of two different burglaring teams, to be competing to break in and acquire a specific artifact that was named by Hytroga. Specifically, one that's called Wind Folly, the earring of Harudan. You then traversed the first floor of this place, fell in some traps, managed to leave some traps for your friends, leave some traps for the enemies.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: Scattered yourself a bit, didn't do much exploring upstairs, but managed to find one path down into the first basement where the true, the true museum begins. There were more traps, there were more dangers, there were unexpected shortfalls, there was battles with marionettes, and all the time being chased by this other troop of burglars. You managed to leave them behind, beating at a door that is currently being held by, if I recall, the immovable rod, while you went into this second basement. Here: More traps! More dangers! It's been great! Before eventually coming to this central chamber, which does contain the artifact you seek. It is currently encased in a very thick glass enclosure, and after a few impacts, you're managing to do some physical damage to it. You're seeing it cracking. At about the same time that these attacks began, these two vacant spaces that looked vaguely humanoid in the two stone walls to the sides of you, these large almost reverse space art pieces, began to fill with a dark clay. Then eventually, rapidly, they seemed to fill into a humanoid shape. Burning red eyes peering from within their clay musculature as they step out and pincer the group ahead. And that's where we left off, and that's where we begin because I need you all to roll initiative.

TRAVIS: Oh god, we're just jumping right in.

MATT: Yes, we are.

TRAVIS: Oh man!

MATT: Because that's where we were.

TRAVIS: Merciless. All right, which one, which one. Don't bump, don't bump.

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: Oh wow.

SAM: Does someone need to roll for Ashley?

LAURA: Oh, yeah.

MATT: Whoever's handling Fearne--

MARISHA: Son of a bitch, that's not good.

LAURA: Okay, I'll roll for--

MATT: If it helps, they didn't roll very well.

LAURA: Roll for Ashley.

SAM: Oh, classic Ashley.

LAURA: Well. (laughter)

LAURA: I rolled five.

MATT: Sorry, Ash. All right.

LAURA: I won't use that one for her.

MATT: 25 to 20.

LAURA: (groans)

TRAVIS: Good. Good, good, good.

MATT: 20 to 15.

TALIESIN: 15. (yelling)

TRAVIS: Come on, guys!

SAM: Rough stuff. Wait, that's good. He's our-- They're our hitter.

TALIESIN: (uncertain noises)

LAURA: Yeah, well, okay.

MATT: 15 to 10.

LIAM: 12.

LAURA: 14.

MATT: Okay. Im', Orym. 10 to five.

MARISHA: Seven.

SAM: Five.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And five for Fearne.

LAURA: What did you roll, Chet?

TRAVIS: Four.

LAURA: Oh my god. Is your dex higher? Is your dex higher?

SAM: It's zero.

LAURA: Okay, so Fearne goes before you.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: (throat clear)

SAM: We got two golems.

TRAVIS: (throat clear)

MARISHA: (laughs)

LIAM: I had a decent starting move, but I'm not starting.

MATT: As you all have gathered in the chamber, watching these entities step out, their hulking, long arms with their massive forearms, four-fingered protrusions, gathering in front, the eyes burning and looking around the chamber as they come to arcane consciousness. Ashton, you're up first. What are you doing?

TALIESIN: Well, first I'm going to rage.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Ragé!

SAM: Ragé!

TALIESIN: I'm going to station myself. I suppose I'm standing within hitting distance of the gace-- case?

TRAVIS: The gace case.

TALIESIN: (lisped) The case.

MATT: I'll say yes, based on where Orym was placed to the side as you were up there hitting after he did last time then yes, you would close.

TALIESIN: I'm waiting for Laudna for a thing. I'm going to hold my action until she gets here. In the meantime, just keep an eye on these two clay assholes in case anything goes down.

MATT: You got it. Okay. So you're holding your action, waiting for Laudna. Is it an attack you're holding?

TALIESIN: Two attacks, yeah, the double pump--

MATT: Yeah, yeah. You got it. All right, finishing Ashton's go. Imogen, you're up.

LAURA: All right, I'm going to-- Oh god, what do I have? Look at both of the creatures, and put my hands out to both of the and say: Grovel.

SAM: Ooh, Command.

LAURA: I'm going to command them both to drop to the ground.

MATT: Okay, you got it. All right, what is the save on that?

LAURA: 15 wisdom.

MATT: 15 wisdom.

TRAVIS: Come on wisdom, come on wisdom.

MATT: 13, no.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: And a four.

TRAVIS: Oh, come on!

MATT: So good to know. So when it comes to their turn, they'll be compelled to spend their action to grovel.

TRAVIS: Wow!

SAM: Nicely done.

TRAVIS: That bought us some maybe--

TALIESIN: I was going to say, okay, both of them or just one of them.

LAURA: Both of them.

MATT: But they do--

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: They do, technically, have advantage--

TALIESIN: They also lose--

MATT: They still fail. They did have advantage with both the saves, but they rolled a one and 11 so, yeah, that's not happening.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: With no bonuses.

TALIESIN: I'm learning things.

MATT: Because they're just-- They're clay wardens, yeah.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: That was great.

MATT: Are you going to stay put or are you going to move?

LAURA: I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to stay.

MATT: Okay. So you stay there, arms out, concentrating on them, hoping the spell has taken effect, waiting to see if they end up continuing to be a threat or if everything is going according to plan. Finishing your go, that brings us to Orym, with Laudna on deck. What are you doing?

LIAM: Oh man. Last time I tried to hit this thing, nothing at all happened. Instead, the two clay fellas are both facing inward and still growling at this point.

MATT: There's no mouth to growl, but they are both aggressively stancing.

LAURA: But I think you--

LIAM: Saw you, yeah.

SAM: Stance off.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: Instead, I'm going to turn around and look into the compression on the wall this thing poured out of.

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: And try to get a good sense of the mechanism that squirted them out.

MATT: Okay, make a perception check.

LAURA: A Command isn't a charm or anything, so if they're attacked, it doesn't break the command.

MATT: That you know of, yeah.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: 23.

MATT: 23, okay. Glancing past and looking, you can see there is some sort of a glass container that was embedded in the ceiling, that looks like the seal was broken. The more liquidy clay that was dropped into this chamber to fill seems to have been released. So you see, it's at the very, very top, where the top where the head would be, you can see the glass opening and the final remnants slowly dripping out of this thick, clay-like substance.

LIAM: So it's one and done. I probably don't want to mess with these guys if Imogen's trying to do her thing. So I'm going to swivel around and attack the cube after all.

MATT: Okay. Yeah, just within range so you get your sword out.

LIAM: I leap. That hits. That's an 18 plus stuff.

TRAVIS: Let's go!

LIAM: The second one is a 15 plus stuff, so they both hit.

MATT: They both hit, roll damage.

LIAM: I'm not wasting any of my stuff while these guys are dormant.

TRAVIS: Break that case.

LAURA and MARISHA: Break that case!

LIAM: First attack is an eight and an eight.

MATT: Eight and an eight?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right, both swings (slashes) across it. You can see the groves hitting it. It is actually affecting it, but just not as much as you'd hope. It is a very hard substance.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: It seems that the bladed edge of this, even with all the finesse that you have, it's just not getting through.

LIAM: Okay, I'm going to reposition myself between the golems.

MATT: Between the golems?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: So you shift over.

LAURA: Oh gosh, Orym.

MATT: You gather yourself there. All right.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Finishing Orym's go.

TRAVIS: Don't die!

MATT: Laudna, you're up with Fearne on deck.

MARISHA: Excuse me. Pardon me, Ash. Uh, oh, Ashton!

TALIESIN: Set it up!

MARISHA: All right. I just go up, and I take out my rock chisel.

SAM: Oh god.

MATT: Of course, the...

LIAM: The mini breaks.

MATT: The mini breaks just as I do it. That's fine.

SAM: Oh, that's Chetney, right?

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh, the werewolf?

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: And that monster? Okay.

TRAVIS: You mean that sex icon?

MARISHA: I just wedge in between, and I put my rock chisel in the groove that Ashton has already started. I wedge the pointed end in there and leave the flat end, like a split.

TRAVIS: Like a piton.

MARISHA: Yeah. Like a piton.

MATT: I will say, it is very crowded in this space, but you are also extremely rail thin.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: It does take your full action to muscle past and get it just in the right place and push it in, and you're almost having to hold it a little bit because it doesn't--

MARISHA: Rail-splitter, that's what I was thinking.

MATT: Yeah, there it is.

MARISHA: Like a rail-splitter.

MATT: Yeah, the crack isn't deep enough where you feel like it can be placed in and left under its own weight, but you can hold it there. And take it from there.

MARISHA: I just look over my shoulder at Ashton. Don't miss. (chuckles)

TALIESIN: Rainbow sparks start going off in the head, and the hammer starts going kind of crazy all over the place.

TRAVIS: I thought Hammer Sparks was an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. (laughter)

TALIESIN: 13, 14, 15, 16, so yeah, that hits.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Rainbow sparkles.

LAURA: ♪ Rainbow sparkles ♪

TRAVIS: Can't remember what its AC is. Oh, no, no, no, we're doing the case, sorry.

TALIESIN: Five, six, seven, Go ahead and roll an additional d8 for me.

SAM: Nice, nice, nice.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: As the chisel is now--

SAM: Chisel damage.

MARISHA: Three.

MATT: Okay, additional three damage. The chisel now is helping take a lot of that force and power and drive it through the containment glass of this artifact. As the crack begins to split it further, more cracks come and spiral out. Spider-webbing out.

TALIESIN: Going again.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Come on, come on. Ah, that'll do. 18, 19, 20, 21, 30 to hit, yeah.

MATT: That'll do it.

SAM: Whoa.

MATT: You are reckless, which means that attacks on you...

TALIESIN: Yes, yes. Hey! 16 points of damage.

MATT: 16 points of damage. All right.

TALIESIN: Yep.

SAM: Plus her chisel--

MARISHA: Do I do it again?

MATT: Yeah, another chisel one.

MARISHA: Seven!

TRAVIS and LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: Seven.

MARISHA: Wait. Two! (laughter)

MARISHA: It's upside down.

TRAVIS: Third party, third party, third party?

MARISHA: Two, right?

TRAVIS: Yeah, it's a two.

MATT: Okay. With this hit, you smash it again. The chisel actually sticks all the way in with the butt of the hammer now against the edge of the glass and the rest of the chisel completely inside this. It cracks even further, and you get the sense that it's looking pretty fragile, very fragile. You're on the cusp of doing some serious impact on this.

MARISHA: Do you have another hit?

TALIESIN: No, but if you want to back up, this will be a time to get the hell out of here.

MARISHA: If I let go of the handle, does it stay there?

TRAVIS: It's in there, right?

MARISHA: It's in there, right?

MATT: It's very much in there. Yeah.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: Are you staying put?

MARISHA: Can I shimmy to one corner or the other?

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: If you'd like to.

MARISHA: Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry, Chet.

TRAVIS: (deep voice) No problem.

MARISHA: Yeah, that's good.

MATT: As you do so--

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: -- the mini falls.

MARISHA: As I do so, what?

SAM: And it's broken.

MATT: It's broken off of the middle.

SAM: I feel like they've all broken at least once.

MATT: These are 3D-printed. They're not the actual plastic. I'll fix that at the break. But, actually, it's fitting because both of them do get their reactions on you.

TALIESIN: Do they get them because they've already been hit by Laudna?

MARISHA: They don't get that until their turn.

MATT: The spell doesn't affect... All it does is it changes the action they take on their next turn, if I recall.

LIAM: Damn it!

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: It's a level one spell.

LIAM: Damn it!

MARISHA: d4 to save?

LIAM: I thought they were sauced, otherwise I would have goading attacked!

MARISHA: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: What does that do then? It takes away their reaction?

SAM: No, they can only attack him.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's right. That's right, that's right.

LIAM: No, they're at disadvantage on anyone but me.

LAURA: Next turn...

TALIESIN: So you would have He would have a d4 added.

MARISHA: He did totally say that. We just didn't listen.

MATT: Yeah, this isn't their action, this is their reaction.

LAURA: Right, this is reaction.

LIAM: (groans)

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: They do both take a strike against you.

MARISHA: All right.

MATT: That is one for 19.

TALIESIN: (groans)

MARISHA: Oh, oh, I mean yes. Wait, do I get a d4 for what?

TALIESIN: Oh, no, I thought it was a save, never mind.

MATT: No, no. And the other is a 22. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

MATT: So the first hit--

MARISHA: Yes, sir.

TRAVIS: Hits you so hard, you came back to life.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs) (laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh! Thank you.

MARISHA: (gasps) Ah! Mom?

TRAVIS: My Chi was blocked.

MATT: You take 23 points of bludgeoning damage from the first hit.

LAURA and LIAM: Oh no!

LAURA: Oh! From the first?

MARISHA: From the first hit?

MATT: Correct.

SAM: Oh god.

TALIESIN: Oh no.

LIAM: Oh shit.

LAURA: Oh my god. Are you down?

SAM: No.

TRAVIS: Guys, we're in big fucking trouble. (laughter)

SAM: We're okay. We're okay. Except for one just has two points of damage.

LIAM: Son of a fuck.

MATT: The other one does 15 points of bludgeoning damage.

MARISHA: I'm out.

SAM: (groans)

MATT: Look at that, the mini works. (laughs)

TRAVIS: Who knew?

MATT: As she goes, and here's the thing, she goes to move, and she moves briskly, and both of them who are just standing there, in a waiting--

MARISHA: I would've stayed where I was. I had no idea.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Shit.

TRAVIS: Yeah. It's okay.

MATT: They're both in a waiting mode--

LAURA: I'm sorry!

MATT: -- and as you charge by, they both suddenly hum to life and with an unnatural speed, both swing out, and she takes both hits from behind. She hits the ground face-first--

MARISHA: Cold cocked.

MATT: -- and skids across the ground, past you, Fresh Cut Grass, to the corner she was going to and is just unmoving there on the floor.

TRAVIS: Ashley just wrote, "Um, what?" (laughter)

TALIESIN: Well, this is going great.

LAURA: Oh no.

SAM: Yeah.

LIAM: One of them looks like me.

MARISHA: Round one!

TRAVIS: We're good, we're good, we're good.

MATT: Fearne, you're up, with Fresh Cut Grass. So, whoever's piloting Fearne on this, it's your go.

LAURA: I don't know. What does Ashley want to do?

MATT: We'll come back to that in the interim, because you're both in the same initiative. So we'll say Fresh Cut Grass, you can go.

SAM: Obviously, I'm going to flee the room without doing anything. No.

MATT: (laughs) Perfect.

SAM: I will save you, but how? I have so precious few spells left.

TALIESIN: Well, you have the...

LAURA: She just sent that, so I can do that.

SAM: She's going to Cure Wounds?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, I can do that.

SAM: Be my guest, O Fearne.

LAURA: All right. Oh wait, no, I don't know how.

SAM: Yeah, you do.

LAURA: I don't know how to do Fearne.

SAM: You can do it.

LAURA: (like Fearne) Okay. She's going to run over to Laudna.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And just (laughs) (as Laura) I can't do it.

SAM: Yeah, keep going.

LAURA: (as Fearne) She's going to reach down--

MARISHA: You got the crazy eyes.

LAURA: And (as Laura) cast fucking Cure Wounds. (laughter)

MATT: There you go.

SAM: (Fearne) Also, steal something.

MATT: BAFTA award-winning Laura Bailey. (laughter)

LAURA: I don't know what level spell she should do this at. Oh, well, she should do it at first because that's what she's got. So, (as Fearne) 1st-level spell.

MATT: All right, so roll a d8, and add her wisdom modifier

LIAM: Cast out a Band-Aid. (laughter)

LAURA: Okay. Plus her modifier.

MATT: Yeah, wisdom modifier.

LAURA: A four. So, ugh, great, seven points of healing.

SAM: Hey, she's up.

MARISHA: I'm awake.

MATT: So you are conscious with seven points. Face to the ground, you suddenly come back to awareness as Fearne pulls your shoulder back a little bit to check on you.

MARISHA: (groans) Thanks, Fearne.

MATT: All right, finishing Fearne's go.

LAURA: Wait, I would...

MATT: Oh, does she want to do anything else?

LAURA: I just want to make sure.

MATT: She has her bonus action.

LAURA: I know, she does have a bonus action. Can she bamf out--

MATT: Mister?

LAURA: Mister as a bonus?

MATT: I believe so. You can double check.

SAM: It does things. Does it cause damage?

LAURA: Oh, let's see, the--

MATT: The Wildfire Spirit ability.

LAURA: Actions, bonus action--

LIAM: Plus throws flaming poo.

LAURA: -- Summon Wildfire Spirit.

MATT: Yes, you can.

SAM: What could be more exciting than watching someone text-- (laughter)

SAM: -- their moves to someone else? Who doesn't know how to use their character?

MATT: All right, so, anywhere within this space, you can place Mister as he arrives now, a burning, angry, feral ball of monkey fury. a burning, angry, feral ball of monkey fury.

LAURA: He's going to bamf out into the opposite corner of Fearne.

MATT: Opposite corner of Fearne? Over here?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You got it. (screeches) Just screams out, it's like a miniature Balrog sequence. As he screams, the air out in front of him warps and distorts from the severe heat, like someone just opened the door to a furnace.

LAURA: And it has, oh gosh, he immediately gets an attack? His action comes right after hers?

MATT: It does, but I think he doesn't do anything, she spends a bonus action to tell him what to do.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Double check that for me. I believe that is the case, though.

LIAM: Bonus to get him, bonus to use him.

MATT: Exactly.

SAM: Chetney, what are you going to?

LAURA: Got it, yes.

SAM: You were probably going to hit the thing, right?

TRAVIS: I was going to hit the thing or open the other door to the other room so we had options to get out. Or I was going to drag her, but I'm sitting in between the two columns.

SAM: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But they're not going to have a turn.

MATT: They both used their reactions.

LAURA: I don't want to go...

SAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: That's true.

SAM: Okay. My turn?

MATT: It is your turn.

SAM: I'm just not going to use any spells, so I'm just going to use Sympathetic Binding so I'm just going to use Sympathetic Binding to bind with, I guess because you're so weak and frail (laughs), with my friend Laudna and my friend Imogen.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I will just sort of-- My eyes glow for a second, and I seem closer to them than normal.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And then as a bonus action after that, I can either give her four points of healing or--

MATT: Well, four temporary hit points.

SAM: Temporary hit points.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

MATT: Indeed.

SAM: Or I can give you Guidance.

LAURA: Whatever you want to do.

SAM: And give her points.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: I can give you four temporary hit points.

MATT: Okay. So mark that for yourself.

TALIESIN: You're in double digits, yay.

MATT: All righty, are you going to stay put? Or do you want to move?

SAM: We're all clumped up there, so maybe I'll go over with Mister.

MATT: Okay. You drift over to Mister. You did also note that as Laudna ran away, they did have a long reach because of its large arms. So you technically would have been in the melee range of the other one you moved through, but thankfully, they both used reactions, so they're still recovering from the strike.

LAURA: Go, Laudna!

SAM: Thanks, Laudna!

TRAVIS: A 10-foot distance?

LIAM: Meat shield!

MATT: Yeah, twice the normal range--

MARISHA: That's me. The tank!

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

MATT: -- a 10-foot range. (laughter)

MATT: And you watch, as they punch, the arms seem almost to stretch. The weight of it, it's like a giant rubber Stretch Armstrong hit. And then (whoosh) return back to their clay body. All right. That finishes your turn, Fresh Cut Grass?

SAM: Yep.

MATT: Chetney, you're up.

TRAVIS: I'm up!?

MATT: Yeah. They rolled real bad on their initiative. (laughs)

MARISHA: Wow, so they're last?

TRAVIS: Do we want to get that door open so we can get out?

SAM: You seem to want to.

LAURA: I know. That room is a death trap.

TALIESIN: That room is just more trouble, in my opinion.

LAURA: Why do we want to brave another set of traps instead of just--

TRAVIS: Because it's still covered, I want to see it. (laughter)

MARISHA: Must clear the map.

TALIESIN: After a long fucking rest, maybe.

SAM: Go for it.

TRAVIS: No, I will take a swing at the glass case. Yeah, with my chisel.

SAM: You don't feel good about that decision, though.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: No, I don't. I don't like it all.

SAM: Keep going for the door!

TRAVIS: I'm a team player.

MARISHA: Go for the door.

TRAVIS: We got to get the fuck out of here! We're in deep shit! We got to get the book and go!

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: I'm still running. Oh, the first one. All right. 14 plus seven, 20... I can't do math.

SAM: Over 20. (laughter)

MATT: If it's over 20, it hits.

TRAVIS: Okay, it hits. The second one.

TRAVIS: 12 points. 12 points (chisel clashing).

MATT: 12 points of damage. Thankfully, precision-based damage had already been placed in a weak spot, and it was on the cusp of not holding its integrity together. With that first strike with your chisel, you follow up in the space where you've been hammering on her hammer and chisel within the center of this thing, and as you push inward with your wolven strength, you all watch as the glass chamber around it (cracking) and is entirely covered in spiderweb-like fractures before it shatters out in front of you.

SAM: Awesome, awesome.

LAURA: Okay, that's good. That's good. That's good.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay.

TRAVIS: I probably need an action to grab the thing, right?

MATT: It's an object. It's just an interactive object.

TRAVIS: I would just grab the earring and be like: (deeply) Let's get the fuck out of here.

TALIESIN: Get the hammer, get the hammer, too.

TRAVIS: What hammer?

MARISHA: My headpiece.

SAM: Oh, the chisel thing. The rock hammer.

TRAVIS: I'll also grab the rock hammer. (laughs) I'm going to turn and run back through the way that we came. 30 feet. And avoiding the tiles!

MATT: Yeah, 40 feet?

TRAVIS: 30.

MATT: 30. Okay. There you go. That'll get you about there.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: So you get to the doorway, holding both Laudna's chisel and the earring in the other hand. (panting) Okay. That finishes your go.

TRAVIS: I'll leave my hands open since I'm in the doorway, just in case somebody needs to grab them shits and run by.

MATT: Fair enough.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: Cool. Noting that, finishes your turn.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: It's now the clay wardens' turn. Both of them (rumbles) look over towards you, Imogen. Arms back, (crashes, cracking) and just lay them on the ground, bowing in front of you, spending their actions to do so.

TRAVIS: Dude.

SAM: Nice.

MARISHA: Let's get the fuck out of here.

MATT: At the end of the turn, the spell loses its effect and impact on them, and this one... Is it their whole turn or is it just the action that they use? What does the Grovel say, specifically?

LAURA: "The target falls prone and then ends its turn."

MATT: Okay, then yeah. They both fall prone, and they end their turn. (laughs)

MARISHA: Sick.

SAM: Does that mean they get a reaction now?

LAURA: They get their--

MATT: If they are prone, I will double check here.

TALIESIN: I think they do, but at disadvantage maybe?

MATT: Yeah. Prone, I think they do. But any actions they take are at disadvantage.

SAM: Okay. Okay.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Are we getting the fuck out of here?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right.

SAM: I think so.

MATT: That finishing that go?

SAM: We'll never know what's in that room.

MATT: Ashton, you're up, with Imogen on deck.

TALIESIN: Okay. (laughter)

SAM: Talcum powder!

TALIESIN: I'm going to just take a couple hits at the one that's closest to the door because fuck it.

MATT: You do have advantage on it because it is prone.

TALIESIN: Yes, I do.

SAM: Oh, wait, you're just doing damage just because?

TALIESIN: Technically speaking, I'll drop rage if I don't do damage, so I'm going to hit something.

LAURA: Plus, everything's at advantage because they're prone.

MATT: On the ground. Yeah.

TALIESIN: That hits. That's (counting) 30.

MATT: Okay. Yeah, that definitely hits.

TRAVIS: Jeez.

TALIESIN: 13.

MATT: 13 to that one.

TALIESIN: How how'd it feel? Did it feel like a solid, feel like a hit?

MATT: Felt like a solid hit.

TALIESIN: All right, all right.

MATT: Yeah, I mean, the clay splatters out a bit from the impact

TRAVIS: Oh what?

MATT: And then slowly putty (sucking).

TALIESIN: Oh, one of those.

MATT: Begins to congeal back to the torso's main form, but where you pull the hammer back, you can see there's a cavernous crater where the impact was before it begins to reform.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and hit the head, see if I can make it unhappy.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Nice, big smack. That was the wrong die. That was a d10. I was like, how did I just roll 40? That's better.

TALIESIN: 12.

MATT: 12. Okay, the second strike, you pull back again, (grunts) arc it down over its face where you see the two burning red eyes. There's no other facial feature to it. It has a dome-like shoulder that covers the top of it. As you impact, the same crater is left behind, and you can see it's taking damage, it's showing wear and tear, and that one red eye is now sunken and buried in the center of its head. As you pull your hammer back, it's starting to try and push its way back out of the front.

LAURA: Oh, weird.

TALIESIN: I'm going to move into the other room now.

MATT: Okay. What's your movement?

TALIESIN: My movement is 40 feet, and I know about that fucking tile, and I'm not falling on it, the evil tile.

MATT: Technically, it is two spaces, so you can move past.

LIAM: Their turn is last, right?

MATT: That gets you about there.

TALIESIN: Do they not take an attack of opportunity on me, or no?

MATT: No, they would. Yeah. So it's going to be at disadvantage for both of them.

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: (chuckles) That is going to be an 11.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that misses.

MATT: The other one is going to be--

TRAVIS: They're taking their reaction right now?

LAURA: Uh-huh.

MATT: 14.

TALIESIN: That also misses.

SAM: Nice.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Wow.

MATT: That prone put them in a bad position. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Fuck off, pudding! Nobody wants you.

TRAVIS: (groans)

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: You're welcome.

LAURA: Are they big enough that they wouldn't be able to fit through the door, or are they--

TALIESIN: They're gooey.

TRAVIS: They would T-1000 through that bitch.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: The doorway is large enough for two people to squeeze past.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Like Ashton just did with Chetney. It's about an eight/nine foot space. They're a bit wider than that, but you've seen the way their physicality shifts.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: They can probably squeeze through. All right, so that finishes Ashton's go. Imogen, you're up, with Orym on deck. What do you got?

LAURA: Fudge. All right, then I'm just going to try to double this up and while they're on the ground, just say: Stay!

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Sweet.

MATT: They do have advantage on these.

TALIESIN: You're not within 10 feet of me, are you? No.

MATT: That is going to be a 16 on one of them.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: What's the DC on that?

LAURA: 15.

MATT: 15, yes, that one succeeds. And the other one, natural 17. Yeah.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: Good call.

MATT: Good attempt, good attempt, but they both seem to now be actively resisting what caught them off-guard initially.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to get the fuck out! Yeah.

TRAVIS: You want to go to the other side? There's a room--

LAURA: Nope, I just want to go. Bye!

LIAM: The devil you know.

TALIESIN: Fuck yourself, puppy.

LAURA: Avoid the traps.

MATT: 25, 30, yeah, you're barely stepping over, making sure to avoid the one element of the floor that you had already previously noticed to be the trigger for this internal chamber.

LAURA: Oh god.

MATT: But it is becoming a crowded room. Okay. That finishes your go?

LAURA: Yeah-huh.

MATT: Orym, you're up, with Laudna on deck.

LIAM: Okay. Where Imogen is standing right now, is the tile this way from her, towards our escape route, a danger tile?

MATT: This one would be a danger tile.

LIAM: That's a danger tile. Okay, so what Orym's going to do is shout out: We're going, we're going! And run towards the door. He will, I assume, because Chetney is larger now, slide under his hairy thighs and then pop up onto the table--

TRAVIS: (deeply) Cool.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: -- that's right there, and hold my action to stab anything, any enemy that comes through.

MATT: You got it. All right. Finishing Orym's go, Laudna, you're up, with Fearne on deck.

MARISHA: I pick myself up.

MATT: All right, half your movement as you get back to your feet. Metaphorically. We're going to leave the mini, there. (laughs)

MARISHA: Fuck, and then-- God, I got half movement now, right?

LIAM: But you go-- If you're using as an action, right?

MARISHA: That's true, to dash.

LIAM: Get out the room.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: (stammering) I-I-I've got plans.

TRAVIS: You've got to tell them the things?

SAM: ♪ They're multiplyin'! ♪

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Just while I'm by this door, though.

SAM: Oh god.

MATT: Yeah?

SAM: Oh no.

MARISHA: Can I just peek it open?

SAM: Why would you do this?!

MARISHA: Because I'm like Travis! I just want to see inside!

LIAM: I left the room because I thought we were all running.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Ah, adults. Look at all these adults. Reasonable.

TRAVIS: It's probably locked. It's probably locked. Nothing's going to happen.

MARISHA: I just want to look at the door. Does it look locked? Does it look trapped?

MATT: It looks closed.

TRAVIS: (cackles)

MATT: Well, you can spend your action to inspect it thoroughly for any sort of trap or anything.

MARISHA: No.

SAM: Or attempt to open it.

TRAVIS: You're going to die in here by yourself.

MARISHA: We're going to die. We're going to die. I'll leave. I'll leave. I'll use my action to hobble. (laughs) I want to know!

TRAVIS: I know! We'll win this shit and come back down.

MARISHA: Yeah. Is that going to make me cross in front of his shit?

MATT: There, that's--

MARISHA: Oh, but you've already--

LIAM: It's their reactions.

TALIESIN: Their reactions are gone, so.

MARISHA: Great, great, great.

TALIESIN: You can also--

MATT: Since your movement is half to get up there and then 15 feet to get there, you still have your action.

MARISHA: I'm going to keep going, use my action to dash.

MATT: To dash? All right.

MARISHA: And not hit any of the tiles. (drawling) Tiles.

MATT: Right now, that's about as far as you can get.

MARISHA: Is it one of the tiles?

MATT: This, this, and this are all problematic tiles from what you guys saw before, and the safe ones and the table are currently occupied for any position for you to get there.

MARISHA: All right.

LAURA: Can I hold her?

MATT: You can.

LAURA: Can she climb up on my back for her to get there?

TALIESIN: That'll be hard to get over that big jumpy.

MATT: If you want to start engaging into some piggyback, I'll say next time it comes to your round, you can help her do that.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Start engaging in some piggyback.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: I didn't mean for that to come out sounding wrong, but anyway. (laughter)

LIAM: New euphemism. (laughter)

SAM: So the room is full.

MATT: Well, the current layout of it seems pretty full. Finishing your go, Laudna, that brings us to Fearne. What's Fearne going to do this turn?

SAM: Fearne said she's going to cast Burning Hands and then get the fuck out of there.

LAURA: Yeah. Burning Hands and run.

MATT: Burning Hands at which one?

SAM: The guy on her way out.

MATT: Okay, so she's going to (fire crackling) run-by torching?

LAURA: Yeah!

TRAVIS: It's a fire slap.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: So that's 3d--

SAM: If she hits.

LAURA: -- damage.

MATT: Well, it hits automatically, but they have a dexterity save throw, which they're prone, which I believe they have disadvantage on? I'm going to go ahead and just say that. Even if it isn't the case, we're pretty sure it is.

LAURA: No, I think that is the case.

MATT: So. Super fails, so.

LAURA: 3d6.

MATT: -- fire damage.

LIAM: (like Fearne) Just going to make a little hard clay.

LAURA: I wish I had her little teeth.

MARISHA: (like Fearne) Ever been to Color Me Mine? (laughter)

LAURA: (like Fearne) Nine points of fire damage.

MATT: Nine points of fire damage, all righty. (roaring fire) As she runs past, torching it, parts of the clay begin to darken further, almost being instant kiln and baked on the spot and they start cracking as it tried to move underneath.

LAURA: Oh, that would be smart to fire him and then hit him.

TALIESIN: Also, since got a bonus, you got to use a little--

LAURA: Yes, and as a bonus action, Mister is going to flame seed them. He's going to poop on them.

MATT: All right, roll an attack for Mister.

SAM: (like Fearne) Flame seed on them.

MATT: Mister's there, reaches back. (fire igniting, screeches) Lobs it forward.

LAURA: Shut up!

LIAM: That's not small enough.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: It is prone, so technically--

LAURA: Advantage?

MATT: Disadvantage with a ranged attack on prone targets.

SAM: Oh, rough. Terrible.

LAURA: That misses.

SAM: Brutally bad.

LAURA: Sorry. I'm sorry, Ashley. I'm sorry, Ashley. It misses. It misses just terribly.

MATT: That's the downside of prone with ranged weaponry, unfortunately, but good looking out.

LAURA: Would he have been able to walk up and just drop his flame seed onto it?

MATT: That's not the same.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: But good looking out. She can't get much further than this, unfortunately, because the rest of this room is occupied. So you're all bottlenecking right there in the doorway.

LAURA: Oh, well, fuck. That's-- okay.

MATT: That's okay.

LAURA: It's fine. No, it's fine. That's what-- shit balls, motherfuck bitch. It's fine.

TRAVIS: Should've opened up the other door. I told you! Should've opened up the other door!

MARISHA: (laughs)

LAURA: It was a misstep on my part.

LIAM: I regret everything.

MATT: That's okay. That's okay. All right, so that finishes Fearne's go. Fresh Cut Grass, you're up.

SAM: So how tall are the ceilings and how tall is the archway of the door to get to the next room?

MATT: Archway for each of these doors is identical on each side. They're about, I'll say, eight feet tall, by about eight feet wide. They're a solid archway with the door, each side is two parts of that same archway door.

LAURA: Whatever happens, it's going to be your fault.

MATT: Actually, no, these are singular doors. So it'd be just one that pulls open.

LAURA: (laughs)

SAM: There's no way for me to get through that door unless, perhaps, I would go over Fearne.

MATT: Possibly, and there's some danger flooring in there that, unless you have the movement to get to, could end poorly, but you know, you do you, man.

SAM: (chuckles) All right.

TRAVIS: (laughs) And we're all in the room. We trigger one of those tiles, hits everybody. (laughs)

MARISHA: We're all obliterated.

SAM: Maybe I should go in the other door. (laughter)

TRAVIS: I mean. (laughs)

LAURA: No, there's traps in there, too!

TRAVIS: Maybe go try to open the door and if it's locked--

SAM: Otherwise--

TRAVIS: -- you play dead.

SAM: I'm stuck in this room with two golems! All right.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

SAM: First, I'm going to cast Yassify.

MATT: Oh no! (laughs)

LAURA: Oh my god, you look like a Kardashian.

LIAM: Wow.

MATT: I hate this.

TALIESIN: I hate all of this so much.

TRAVIS: Yassify?

LIAM: I'm going to make the Statue of Liberty disappear.

LAURA: Make it happen!

TRAVIS: What is that?

SAM: It's a lot of filters, a lot of filters.

LAURA: Look how beautiful.

TRAVIS: Don't stop looking at that picture. (laughter)

SAM: I guess-- boy. I don't want to go into that crazy other room. There's going to be traps there, but this room doesn't seem much better.

LIAM: (pained groan)

MARISHA: You hate it.

SAM: I can hold an action until they get up.

MATT: You still have a bonus action because you still have the bombs.

SAM: Yeah, but that doesn't help me.

LIAM: All those little tetra-squares are bad tiles?

TALIESIN: No.

SAM: No, I haven't done an action or a bonus action.

MATT: Just here, here, and here.

MARISHA: You could take the dodge action.

MATT: Those are the three that you avoided going into.

TALIESIN: You could try to go for the corner one, right? In the far back.

LAURA: Yeah, you could jump and be in like--

LIAM: There's room in there!

SAM: I think I'm going to try. I'm going to attach my grapple cannon, and I'm going to try to angle and shoot it over Fearne's head onto the ceiling of the next room and try to (whirring).

MATT: I dig it. Go ahead and roll an attack.

LAURA: That's brilliant, Sam! FCG!

SAM: Ooh, six or nine.

LAURA: Nine.

SAM: Okay. (chuckles)

MARISHA: Nice.

MATT: (laughs) No, seriously, what is it?

TRAVIS: Down at the bottom?

SAM: What is the--

LAURA: It was a six.

SAM: Ugh, and it's only a plus three to hit.

MATT: (sighs) 10 was what you needed. (groaning)

LAURA: It was a nine. I was wrong! It was a nine!

MATT: You go and you fire it, and it (ricochets) anchors off the cable now dangling over--

SAM: So now I'm attached to a table in there.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh, he's hanging from the roof?

MATT: Well, it skids off the roof and it's now loose. You have this cable you can try and pull back in if you want to.

SAM: Oh, I could.

TRAVIS: I'll just grab it, pull you through.

SAM: I'll leave it there. (chuckles)

MARISHA: Pulley action?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, because Chet has a turn next!

SAM: I'll leave it. We'll see what happens.

MATT: Okay, okay.

SAM: I guess, bonus action, I already gave you some temporary hit points.

MARISHA: You did.

SAM: I will give the equivalent of Guidance to you. What is it called?

LAURA: The equivalent of Guidance. That works for me.

SAM: The equivalent of Guidance is called Trusted Companion. Oh no, I'm sorry, Bonded Blessing. As a bonus action, I impart a bonded creature that is a trusted companion with a burst of Guidance. You've got a burst of Guidance.

LAURA: My trusted companion.

SAM: You're my trusted companion.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Yeah, she's got Guidance and I guess I can't do anything else. So I'll just sit there and wait to be pummeled.

MATT: Okay, that finishes your go. What you got, Chetney?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm going to see the grappling hook (clanking) falling. I look back, and I will run through the room and try and scoop up the line and/or hook on my way to the door and see if I could pull an automaton with me.

MATT: Okay. How are you running through the room? It is very crowded.

SAM: And there's tiles.

MATT: Tell me how you're planning to get there.

LAURA: Can you leap?

LIAM: Could you pull him onto your back like a backpack first, and then start hopping?

TRAVIS: I guess it's up over my shoulder, right?

LIAM: Like a school satchel.

LAURA: You can jump and grab it. Maybe you can leap to the tile right in front of the lion?

TRAVIS: That's a problem tile.

LAURA: It is?

TALIESIN: Under the table.

TRAVIS: Yeah, this, problem, problem, problem, right?

MATT: Problem, right there.

LAURA: What about the one--?

LIAM: If people take a left into the room, is that area okay?

MATT: Left in the room would be safe, probably.

TRAVIS: Is there a--

LIAM: And you can move through someone's space. It's just difficult terrain, so you lose a little bit.

TRAVIS: You said this one is probable or a problem?

MATT: That one on the front of the table is a problem.

TRAVIS: That I just pointed to?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Okay. Is there a base that the big tiger lion statue is on?

MATT: There is, yeah. It's like a swiveling stone base.

LAURA: Could you jump onto the lion?

TRAVIS: That's what I'm trying to think, yeah. I'd have to make big-ass jump, but I don't think I could pull FCG and jump.

LAURA: Maybe you could jump and grab it and yank as you're jumping.

SAM: I'm going to shift into neutch, just in case. (laughter)

MATT: What you doing, Chetney?

TRAVIS: I'm going to pull FCG with the cable and just try and get him up near my back.

MATT: Okay. Make a strength check for me.

TRAVIS: Okay. (hums)

MATT: With advantage, while you are transformed.

LAURA: You are so strong! Come on, good boy!

TRAVIS: That is a 21. 20.

MATT: With one massive yank, all of a sudden, Fresh Cut Grass, you get, whoa, pulled up. You're about to go over him, but one of the clawed arms, grabs you and pulls you onto the shoulder and is holding you almost in a fireman's carry.

TRAVIS: Nice.

MATT: And then?

TRAVIS: Amazing. Would I have movement action left to try to jump to the lion statue, or would that be one?

MATT: You certainly can try.

LIAM: Or push to the left? Your left, his left, the one on the right?

TRAVIS: My left? Oh, you mean like, over this way?

LIAM: The little back corner I don't think we've said are bad tiles.

LAURA: But we didn't check it out.

LIAM: Oh, we just don't know. I thought we knew and--

LAURA: We did know. We just didn't mark it.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I feel like that's an unknown, so I'm going to try and do--

MARISHA: Riding the lion.

TRAVIS: -- a wolf jump.

MATT: Okay, now, because you are carrying more than your standard weight, you will have to make an athletics check to make this jump, but I believe you might have advantage on this one in your wolf form, so roll an athletics check.

LAURA: Oh my god, this is so tense!

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's a 23.

MATT: That'll do it! So, clutching Fresh Cut Grass. (wolf grunts) You leap up into the air, landing with the other claw, three-point landing on top of the lion statue. As you hit, you watch dust (shifts) shaken free from the, you know, the extremities of the statue, just (poofs) around it, and you get a sense. You feel it wobble a little bit and you know this is designed to move.

TRAVIS: Oh jesus.

LIAM: Who's Santa Claus now, motherfucker? (laughter)

LIAM and TRAVIS: Ho, ho, ho. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

TALIESIN: Oh, boy.

MATT: Okay, that'll put you right up there.

LAURA: Yes!

SAM: Oh boy.

LAURA: That's sick.

MATT: And Fresh Cut Grass.

LAURA: Oh no, oh no. He's going down. He's going down! (yelling)

TRAVIS: Into oblivion!

MATT: ♪ I will fix it ♪ There we go.

TALIESIN: Tester found a bug. Tester found a bug.

MARISHA: Yeah, exactly.

LAURA: Hey!

TRAVIS: That's amazing.

MATT: Okay, I'm going to say all of that is pretty much your turn.

SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: Okay, cool.

TRAVIS: Fair.

MATT: Top-- now it's their turn. They both get up.

LAURA: Oh no, and Fearne's in the room!

SAM: Don't worry. Ashley's not here, so it's fine.

MATT: They do lose half of their movement, so that's only 15 feet. Five, 10, 15.

LIAM: They're huge.

MARISHA and LAURA: Oh god!

MARISHA: They're about to pummel her ass!

LAURA: Oh my god. Oh my god.

LIAM: Having fun, Ash?

LAURA: You can't kill her when she's not here, Matt.

MATT: I am just following the tactics of the battlefield!

SAM: Maybe we should just all turn off our phones right now. (laughter)

MATT: So the first one is going to attempt to make-- okay.

LIAM: We're going to remove you from the thread, Ashley.

MATT: First one's going to make two slam attacks on her.

LAURA: Ahh! Two!?

MATT: Yes, they both have two.

LIAM: They both have two.

SAM: Oh god, that could be like 80 points of damage!

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Didn't roll that great. 14?

MARISHA: Miss!

LAURA: Miss, miss!

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I'm just saying it. I'm pulling the rug.

LAURA: You missed.

MATT: And that is a 12.

LAURA: Missed!

MARISHA: Ah!

SAM: Two to go, two to go.

MATT: That's lucky. The other one is going to forego its two attacks to do a grapple and throw.

LAURA: God, no!

MATT: I need Fearne to make an athletics or acrobatics check as its now-- one of its arms reaches out to try and grab her like, over the shoulder and torso, as she's running through.

SAM: (like Fearne) Well, hello. Hi.

LAURA: Her acrobatics is higher.

MATT: So roll that for me.

LAURA: Can't Ashley roll?

SAM: No, no, no. Roll!

LAURA: It's too much pressure.

MARISHA: Do you want me to roll?

TRAVIS: Yeah, you want us to roll?

LAURA: Yeah, somebody else roll. I can't, I can't.

MATT: Okay, so roll a d20, and you tell her what to add.

LIAM: It's not you. It's the cold universe.

MARISHA: Natural 20! (cheering) I mean, Ashley rolled a natural 20.

LAURA: Oh my god, oh my god! (laughter)

MATT: For a total of?

LAURA: For a total of 22!

MATT: For 22. This is a contested roll.

SAM: Oh god.

MARISHA: Natural 20.

LAURA: Natural 20, though!

MATT: I know, but for skill checks-- it does adjust the DC in my head because natural 20 should always be awesome. It did roll a 12 plus seven, which would--

SAM: 19.

MATT: 19. So it tries to grapple and Fearne just like, considering, I'll say for the circumstances of this. It's less that she wiggles out of it and more that there's an aspect of her Fey nature that causes her body to almost shimmer and be intangible where it tries to grab her. When it grabs, it just gets a tuft of fur and it tears a little bit out, but she manages to just scrape free and is not grappled. And as such, I'm really sad.

TRAVIS: (deeply) How dare.

MATT: He doesn't get to chuck her at one of you. (laughs)

LAURA: I was afraid he was going to chuck her to the other side of the room and then trap her in even more.

TRAVIS: Well, yeah. If you like, we don't catch her and she falls on a fucking plate, we are done!

LIAM: Absolutely.

TRAVIS: We are done!

SAM: Good job, Ashley.

LAURA: Good job, Ashley.

MATT: So that's their turn.

LAURA: Good roll, Ashley.

MATT: You were real lucky. That was awesome.

TRAVIS: Come on, man.

MATT: Top of the round. Ashton, you're up, with Imogen on deck.

TALIESIN: So, there is no way for me to get back to that--

LAURA: Just get out. Get out!

TALIESIN: I'm going to, yeah, no. I can't do it. So I'm going to make a jump out. I'm going to jump out the door and-- well, actually, I've got rope on me.

TRAVIS: Move, bitch--

MARISHA and TRAVIS: Get out the way!

TALIESIN: I'm going to drop the rope and I'm going to hold just one end of it and jump off over the hidden tiles.

MATT: Okay, well you're past the hidden tiles.

TALIESIN: I mean, the pit.

MARISHA: Oh, the other side.

MATT: Oh. Well, the door is closed on that room there. The door is closed.

TALIESIN: Oh, I'm opening the door.

MATT: (door thud) It doesn't move.

LAURA: Why?

SAM: Did it lock when we closed it?

MARISHA: The bastards!

SAM: Or did we lock it?

MARISHA: The other people.

TRAVIS: No. No, no, no, no, no.

MARISHA: The other fucking team.

TRAVIS: No, they didn't take the rod and unclick it then unclick it.

MATT: It's not budging.

TRAVIS: Matt, no! You can't do this to us! We're in-- we're (unintelligible screaming).

SAM: That's our trick! No one knows that trick but us!

TRAVIS: Matt! You can't make that, Matt!

MATT: You left it behind!

TRAVIS: Oh no!

MARISHA: I left it behind before they could get in!

TALIESIN: I'm not spending more than one punch on that before I'm going the other way towards the monster.

MARISHA: Fuck!

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Oh god, we have to go back through to the other side?

TRAVIS: I knew it!

MATT: What's your movement?

TALIESIN: 40. (laughter)

MARISHA: He's so right.

MATT: 25, 30, 35.

TALIESIN: I also have terrain. I have a thing about terrain.

MATT: This isn't terrain. These are other people.

TALIESIN: Can I get within swinging distance of these fuckers?

MATT: You can. Within the door there, you can get into that guy, there.

LAURA: Can't you have broken through door?

MARISHA: What was the door made out of?

MATT: Well, yeah, it doesn't matter. He's already making the move over there.

TALIESIN: It's better this way.

LAURA: Ash was the only one who could break through.

TALIESIN: That's not true.

MATT: So you go for the door. It doesn't move. You slam with your shoulder. It's not budging. You turn around, move back, pushing past the rest of your friends to get there.

TALIESIN: Door's locked! And I'm going to take two swings.

MATT: You got it, all right. Two attacks. This one's already been damaged. The other one hasn't been touched yet.

TALIESIN: I'm going to hit the one that's damaged.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I don't need this in my evenings. (laughter)

TALIESIN: That's 22 to hit?

MATT: That hits.

TALIESIN: Fuck it, we're going. 16 points of damage.

LIAM: That cooks my plan, too.

TALIESIN: Sorry.

SAM: I can get us through.

MARISHA: You can get us through?

SAM: I think I can dispel the rod.

TALIESIN: I'm going for another attack.

SAM: It doesn't matter. I don't have to have a visual.

LAURA: That's true! You don't have to have vision on Dispel.

TALIESIN: That sucks.

TALIESIN: 15, I mean. 15, sorry.

MARISHA: It doesn't dispel temporarily?

MATT: It's different from dispelling a magical item or dispelling a magical effect that an item creates. Magical items themselves technically cannot. Their general effect and nature cannot be dispelled. But if like-- if a spell casts, like, fog cloud, you can dispel the fog cloud that it creates.

LIAM: You just can't shuffle around.

SAM: So I can't do that.

MATT: So, first strike impacts it and it gets knocked back for a second before righting itself. You can see the kiln-like burn across this exterior.

SAM: I like it in here. (laughs)

MATT: It's looking like it's taken some damage. But, second swing, you try and go large towards it on another part and one of its arms grabs and stops your hammer mid-swing, turns its like, weird clay head wobbles to one side as the recessed eye from the previous attack (pops), pops forward to meet the other.

TALIESIN: All right, all right. Come on, come on!

TRAVIS: That's what I like.

MATT: All right, that finishes your go, Ashton. Imogen, you're up. Orym on deck.

SAM: That we... (laughter)

SAM: We need to know how to roll for--

MATT: What are you doing?

TRAVIS: Nothing, nothing. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Panicking!

MATT: Apparently so.

TALIESIN: It doesn't matter anyway.

MATT: Imogen, you're up!

LAURA: Oh no!

SAM: This is it! Your big moment!

LAURA: Did they already use their reaction?

TALIESIN: No.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LAURA: Oh god!

TALIESIN: We have to go back in the room anyway or else we're going to die.

LAURA: Okay. All right, well--

LIAM: ♪ This is the hour ♪

LAURA: I'm going to step up and I'm going to get up.

TRAVIS: I can't believe you. I can't believe...

MATT: You guys have been playing back and forth tricks this entire run and this is...

TRAVIS: This is a good one, though. This is a problem.

TALIESIN: Do you have--

MARISHA: They must've busted through the door or something.

TALIESIN: But they didn't fall into the fucking pit.

LIAM: We don't even have to-- Maybe they did. They can be clever.

LAURA: Did they use-- they haven't used their reaction yet?

TALIESIN: No.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to run behind Ashton, I guess. Yeah, like right in the doorway, there's not much room to--

TALIESIN: I mean, you can go all the way in, because they've got 10 feet of range, so it's going to be a while before you come.

LAURA: I'm going to stand next to Fearne, get as far as I can, basically, and then I'm going to M-Misty Step.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: To the other side of the room. No, to the door.

MATT: To the door.

LAURA: On the other side of the room.

MATT: Boom, you are right there on the opposite side of the chamber.

LIAM: Taking anyone with you?

LAURA: I can't take people with me on Misty Step, or else I would've.

LIAM: Okay, okay.

LAURA: But I'm going to try to open the door.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Okay. (door handle cracks) (door swinging)

TRAVIS: Oh, you're so mean!

MATT: It opens.

SAM: Ah!

MARISHA: Oh. It's another one.

SAM: I thought that was a monster. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Oh cool, another problem.

SAM: So there's bad tiles in there, too, probably.

LAURA: I'm sure.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: Just don't touch the floor.

LAURA: Can I see any of the tiles that look--

MATT: You can use your action to try and inspect the floor.

LAURA: I used my action to Misty Step.

MATT: Misty Step, I think it's a--

LAURA: No, that's a bonus action!

MATT: -- bonus action, yeah.

LAURA: Fuck yeah!

MATT: All right, so roll either perception or investigation, your choice.

SAM: You have Guidance.

LAURA: I have Guidance!

MATT: Yeah, you get to add a d4 to this.

LAURA: Okay, all right. Okay, cool, great. Shut up.

SAM: Guns can't help that.

TRAVIS: I can't believe you two. That was still--

LAURA: Nine.

MATT: Nine.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LIAM: Nein!

MATT: In the panic, you glance around the room. There isn't much of a light source in this chamber and you're uncertain with a nine. I'm sorry.

LAURA: All right.

SAM: No problem. We're fine!

MATT: But the entities, the clay wardens do not seem to be aware of your presence at the moment.

LAURA: That's good, that's good.

TRAVIS: Not for us!

MARISHA: Mm-mm.

TALIESIN: That's four. That's technically six attacks they get next round.

TRAVIS: Six?!

TALIESIN: Attack, attack, attack, attack, and then also two reactions.

LAURA: I don't have any big...

MATT: If you trigger them.

TALIESIN: If you trigger them.

LAURA: Fuck. That's basically--

SAM: Yeah, yeah. That's it.

LAURA: I can't step into the room because I don't know... And I can't jump that far. I can't jump to the lion.

SAM: You're fine.

LAURA: I'm just going to stand right there.

MATT: Okay, that finish your turn, then?

TRAVIS: Oh man. Oh man.

MATT: Orym, you're up, and then Laudna.

LIAM: Okay, so Orym was prepared to be the last one holding them off and sees everyone now reversing direction just says: Fuck this haunted house. And he jumps down through Ashton's legs, through Fearne's legs and you tell me if this is possible--

MATT: This is an acrobatics check.

LIAM: Sure.

MATT: This is a very particular--

LIAM: Halflings can run under full creature's legs with no problem.

MATT: Right.

LIAM: But is it jumping over a tile?

MATT: It's jumping over a tile through--

LIAM: Natural 20.

MATT: Oh shit!

TRAVIS: You're kidding me!

MATT: Twice!

TRAVIS: You're kidding me!

MATT: Plus? Just because I'm curious.

LIAM: Plus eight.

MATT: Plus eight? Sure, fine. Sure, all right.

LIAM: Let's say-- since it's a 28, let's say he just dives and rolls under their legs, into Mister's space and says: Sorry, Mister. Pops up, grabs Fearne by the thigh fur, and I spin around and do Bait and Switch, switch places with her and throw her into Mister and I'm going to give her my superiority die of AC. Fuck you, d8! She gets a plus one to her AC.

MATT: Okay, but still, she's... You're now the centerpiece.

LIAM: And I want to jump.

MATT: Fucking 20, dude.

LIAM: I want to squat, jump up, and then slash each of them and give each of them a goading attack.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Are you within 10 feet of me?

LIAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: You get a d4 added to both those attacks.

LIAM: Ooh!

MARISHA: Because you guys are both--

MATT: That's right.

TALIESIN: Because I'm a big shiny rainbow motherfucker right now.

MATT: (laughs)

LIAM: And the-- Well, let's see if I hit first.

LAURA: Did you find a place? Did you come up with--

LIAM: 18 plus-- 21, plus much more.

MATT: That hits the one on the left.

LIAM: And that's a DC 16 for wisdom.

MATT: For wisdom? That is a fail with a three.

LIAM: Then the next one is-- Well, I got to check this one. That's eight plus-- 16.

MATT: 16 does not hit, unfortunately.

LIAM: So I'm going to slash the one that's closest to Fearne.

MATT: That's to Fearne, that one there.

LIAM: That's the one that has been goaded.

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: And then land and stand my ground.

MATT: Okay, got it. Land there, blade at the side, shield at the ready. That finishes your go, Orym. Laudna, you're up, with Fearne at deck.

MARISHA: Okay, oh, it's me.

LIAM: I didn't do any damage for them. I'm sorry. We just did attacks.

MATT: Oh right, yeah, roll damage.

LIAM: So...

TRAVIS: You have 20 more seconds.

LIAM: Okay, so that is four plus five is nine, plus-- 16 for the first.

MATT: Only one hit, though.

LIAM: Oh, right.

MATT: Yeah, so 16.

LIAM: 16, yeah.

MATT: Great.

TALIESIN: Is that the one that's been taking damage this whole time or is that the one--

MATT: No, he hit the other one, now they've both taken some damage.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: All right, as you carve through the blade hitting, you had these having impacts. Your blade carves through quite easily. There's a hard exterior and then once it impacts, it's like cutting through clay, and you do a significant chunk of damage with this one strike.

LIAM: I went for the face when I leapt, so I just cleaved his face in half before it gets back in place.

MATT: It reforms, but you can see now the edges of where it reforms are imperfect and there's still a weird, almost dried ridge to where that gash was left.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: All right, finishing your go. Laudna, now you're up with Fearne on deck.

MARISHA: All right.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

MARISHA: I pull out my little pouch, for the pouch of magnets. I bought magnets.

TRAVIS: You did. I was there.

MATT: Okay. Yeah.

MARISHA: Can I-- Actually, I'm going to do this. I'm going to toss it to Chetney.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Chetney! Heads up!

TRAVIS: (growls)

MATT: It's only about 10, 15 feet.

MARISHA: Yeah, it's not far, right?

MATT: Yeah, I'll allow it. And you catch it. Real curious where this is going.

MARISHA: I have an empathetic bond with Fresh Cut Grass right now so we just-- we know the plan.

SAM: We communicate.

MATT: Okay, okay.

MARISHA: And then...

SAM: I felt it.

MATT: You have a bond.

MARISHA: Okay, so I can-- Can I get through this situation and try and bolt to the other side?

LAURA: Have they used reactions?

TALIESIN: They have not used their reactions.

MATT: They have not used their reactions and they are both currently blocking the path to travel through. Unless you go around the wall, if you scoot by the wall, you might be able to get around that one. But you're also going to have to travel through two friends.

MARISHA: And they would still have their reaction?

MATT: If you moved out of one of their combat zones.

MARISHA: If I move out, right. All right. Fuck. Can I at least move to where I'm in the corner and get the fuck out of this jam?

SAM: The corner inside our current room?

MARISHA: Back into the room.

MATT: In this room right here, this is currently where Mister is.

MARISHA: Oh goddamn it, Mister!

LIAM: And that's a serious splash zone, too.

TALIESIN: I was going to see. Yeah, I would stay.

MARISHA: I will stay here, goddamn it, and just Eldritch Blast.

MATT: All right.

LAURA and LIAM: Yeah!

LAURA: Maybe you'll-- There's one that's hurt.

MATT: Both at one, or two separate ones?

MARISHA: What's the one that's hurt? One's looking real bad, right?

MATT: That's this one here. That one's taken some serious hits.

LAURA: Take him out, take him out.

MARISHA: 14. And a 17.

TALIESIN: I was going to say also if you're near me, if you're within 10 feet of me, you get a d4 on all attacks.

LAURA: Nice.

MARISHA: Oh, okay. Natural 14 for the first one plus another four. So 18.

MATT: 18 plus--

MARISHA: Plus seven.

MATT: That hits.

MARISHA: And then 17 plus seven.

MATT: That hits, they both hit. Those are both against that one?

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm going to go after the same one.

MATT: Okay, let's roll damage for both those.

MARISHA: All right.

ALL: (slow motion blasting)

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MARISHA: Eight on the first one, and five on the second.

MATT: Both (impacts), and as they impact, the bursts of eldritch force damage causes these small craters in the body that slowly begin to try and pull back together, but you can see where they impacted, the blast and the heat and the magic energy leaves this hardened shell where it is and it can't quite reform. It's starting to look hurt.

MARISHA: All right. That's all I got.

MATT: All right, finishing Laudna's go, Fearne is up, with FCG on deck. What's Fearne going to do?

LAURA: All right.

MATT: Ashley?

LAURA: I think I'm going to have-- Yeah.

SAM: Fight or die.

LAURA: I'm--

TRAVIS: I don't think I can make it through. We'll see.

LAURA: Okay, Fearne is going to-- Fearne is going to Scorching Ray, I think. Let me make sure she has that spell available.

MATT: She does have Scorching Ray prepared.

LAURA: Okay, great. Is that a 3rd-level?

MATT: It's a 2nd-level spell, but she can cast it at 3rd-level and it gets an additional ray.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Which is the three hits plus--

LAURA: She doesn't have any thirds left, so let's do it at second.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And--

MATT: That's three rays, they do 2d6 damage each.

LAURA: Okay, great.

MATT: Just roll to hit.

LIAM: (like Fearne) Fire in the hole.

LAURA: Is that for each time or just one roll to hit?

MATT: One roll for each of the rays. There's three rolls. Are they all going towards the same or are they divided?

LAURA: Let's do two to the first one and see what happens, can we try that?

MATT: Okay. So two to the first and then a third to the last one.

LIAM: Get one down, get one down. It's focus fire. One target!

LAURA: So that is--

MATT: She does get to add a d4 to each of these, because she's right next to you.

LAURA: So 13 plus--

LIAM: Are you disco-balling?

LAURA: Eight.

MATT: Spell attack modifier.

LAURA: 13 plus eight.

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: Okay, and then 12 plus eight.

MATT: Okay, 12 plus eight hits.

LAURA: Great.

MATT: Roll 4d6 on that one, 4d6 fire damage.

LAURA: Oh, come on. Eight, nine, 10.

MATT: 10 points of fire damage, okay. It burns across it and you can see now it's showing a lot of wear and tear.

LAURA: Then she's going to aim it at that same one again, this last attack.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: (deeply) Finish him.

MATT: You got it. Roll for that last one.

LAURA: Plus d4 again.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Hey Fearne.

TALIESIN: Yeah?

LAURA: 18.

MATT: 18 just hits.

LAURA: Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool. Nine points of fire damage.

MATT: Nine points of fire damage. How do you want to do this?

TRAVIS: Oh, let's go Imogen-Fearne!

MATT: Imogen-Fearne. (laughs)

TRAVIS: Fearne-Imogen!

LAURA: She's going to send it-- I'm sorry, Ash-- She's going to send it straight into the heart of it and she wants to see it burn up from the inside.

MATT: Okay. You watch as the two blasts impact, it's burning a hole towards its core and you see this faint pulsing energy inside the arcane heart of it, and that third ray, she focuses into it and you watch as her eyes give off this burning light off of them, and on her shoulder you can see, because right behind her, Little Mister screams, too, and he flares up, the flame beam gets even brighter as it burns in the center, and you watch as the clay begins to crack and this crack begins to carve up the front of its body before it crumbles inward, the two red glows of the eyes turning dark and dim as it falls like a broken piece of terracotta pottery.

LAURA: Awesome. For her bonus action--

LIAM: (like Fearne) Hot Pocket.

LAURA: She's going to send Mister over to Laudna.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: And he's going to Fiery Step with her right across the room.

SAM: Can you do that?

MATT: Yeah. Is it an action or a bonus action?

LAURA: That's a bonus action for--

LIAM: Yowza.

MATT: What's the distance on that?

LAURA: Let me check. 15 feet to the other side or as far as it--

MATT: 15 feet is how far it can go?

LAURA: Uh-huh. Does that get far enough?

MATT: 10, 15.

LAURA: Will it get it out of that big one's range?

TRAVIS: No, you're right in it.

SAM: No, it's even closer.

LIAM: But you'll go before they go.

TALIESIN: I'll also say that that thing's only going to attack you, right?

LIAM: It's at disadvantage against everybody but me.

MATT: Exactly.

LAURA: Is that something you want? I just assumed--

MARISHA: Yeah, let me get out of the choke hold.

MATT: Okay, the other thing it does when Mister does that teleport, what else does it say there?

LAURA: Everybody within five feet of Mister has to roll a DC of-- a dex saving throw.

MATT: Roll a dexterity saving throw. Which, you can see it, so you have advantage.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I was about to say.

MATT: As you watch Mister, carving through the air, you watch him fly, this burning spirit.

TALIESIN: Wow, that could have been so much worse. 16.

LAURA: Great, you save.

MATT: All right, so you take half damage. So roll damage from Mister's teleport. You take half fire damage on this as he grabs Laudna and screeches and in this swirl of fire, and they're both gone.

LAURA: Four fire damage.

TALIESIN: You rolled an eight?

LAURA: I rolled a nine.

TALIESIN: Oh, so I take four.

MATT: Four fire damage and then in the middle of the room, both Laudna and Mister appear, now Mister's clutching your shoulder going, (screeching).

MARISHA: Good boy.

LAURA: Can Fearne use her movement? Hmm. I don't know if I should. Should Fearne stay there?

LIAM: It's a disadvantage if it does try to hit, but it could still hit.

TRAVIS: Just one of them, right?

LAURA: I want her to get around to the other side of the room if she can go around--

TRAVIS: Stay in melee?

TALIESIN: Stay in melee.

LIAM: That's true.

LAURA: The other way, I want to lead its eyes away from Laudna.

MATT: You can get there or there.

LIAM: It may just be looking at me, since I--

LAURA: Oh right, okay, yeah, sure, that works.

MATT: Okay, all right.

TRAVIS: Smart.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: That finishes Fearne's turn. Fresh Cut Grass, you're up.

SAM: First, I'm going to cast Yassify. (laughter)

MATT and MARISHA: Oh my god!

MARISHA: What?!

TRAVIS: Is that a real thing?

LAURA: It is a real thing.

TRAVIS: Yassify is, like, what is it, an app or something?

LAURA: I mean, there's face apps that can do that.

TALIESIN: I hate it.

TRAVIS: You don't have all of them, right?

LIAM: Do not like.

TALIESIN: Of course he has them.

MATT: And then after casting Yassify, your action's used.

SAM: I'm on top of a werewolf, on top of a lion.

MATT: Yeah, yeah!

LAURA: Oh god! (laughter)

TRAVIS: Just like you'd always hoped you'd be.

LIAM: Chetney!

SAM: I don't know that I just want to roll away from this beast. So can I spend my-- I'm going to spend my turn doing what we psychically communicated.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Chetney, hit me! Magnet and earring!

TRAVIS: Hit you with it?

SAM: No, give it to me.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay. (laughter)

SAM: Can I take?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

SAM: I'll take a magnet. And an earring.

MARISHA: I will not pantomime.

SAM: We're going to try to keep the earring concealed from the opponent's team. We're going to try to fashion a makeshift hide key.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: So I'm going to take the magnet and put it on the earring, and where should I hide it? Maybe the roof of my mouth?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SAM: I'm going to open up wide and pin it to the roof of my mouth.

MATT: That's good, because the gold would not be considered magnetic, but you are indeed magnetic.

SAM: Yeah, yeah, magnets.

MATT: So (cling), up in the roof of your mouth, it is now currently held tightly.

MARISHA: You filled in the pouch, so it's, you know.

SAM: (garbled) Sure, but either way.

MARISHA: Yes, it's in there.

TRAVIS: You got a little dangler. (laughter)

SAM: (garbled) I'll be okay.

LIAM: (garbled) Oh yeah.

MATT: A little dangly thing in the back of his throat?

TRAVIS and SAM: (gagging)

LIAM: (like Dave Matthews) It's me, FCG. (laughter)

SAM: (like Dave Matthews) ♪ Oh! ♪ All right.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Oh no.

SAM: (garbled) As a bonus action-- (laughter)

SAM: As a bonus action, I don't know if I can-- (laughter)

TRAVIS: So southern, this campaign.

SAM: If I can give you another four temporary hit points, if that's--

TRAVIS: What is that?

SAM: I'm going to give her four temporary hit points.

MATT: Okay, go for it. You already have four temporary hit points?

SAM: Yeah, but does it stack?

MATT: It does not stack, it just--

SAM: Would it-- but did it-- (babbling)

MATT: If she takes damage, you can restore it. So essentially, if someone's being hit, you can, like, temporary hit points, they take damage, you give it to them next round and it's just a buffer every time, but you can't stack it up.

SAM: I won't do that, I'll give her Guidance again.

MATT: Okay. (laughter)

LIAM: ♪ ("Ants Go Marching") ♪

MATT: Yeah, you can do it.

LAURA: I can't.

SAM: And that's it.

MATT: Okay. So mark that down.

SAM: I will mark it right here.

MARISHA: See Dave Matthews.

SAM: ♪ (Dave Matthews impression) ♪

MATT: Oh my god. All right, are you staying put? On the shoulder of your frail companion?

SAM: (lisped) I stand on the shoulder of giants. (laughter)

MATT: Chetney, you're up.

TRAVIS: Can I see through the doorway, would I be able to make it past Ashton or is it pretty blocked up?

MATT: The doorway, it's about a little over eight-foot tall arch. Ashton's about six-foot-ish?

TALIESIN: 5'10".

MATT: 5'10". So with a leaping dive, and you with enough heads up, it's possible.

LAURA: With FCG on your back.

MATT: We'll find out.

TALIESIN: I will crouch. If you call, I will pop down.

TRAVIS: Hunker down! (deeply) Hunker down!

TALIESIN: All right! (laughter)

TRAVIS: (deeply) Hold on. I'll take a dive from the lion.

MATT: Full-on bend down and kick off forward, holding on. Claws out. Ashton, you duck down.

TALIESIN: Duck down, hammer sideways.

MATT: Yep. Roll an athletics check for me.

LIAM: Let's go, Altered Beast.

TRAVIS: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

TALIESIN: Rise from your--

TRAVIS: 19.

MATT: 19. You push through.

SAM: Sparks on the ceiling.

MATT: Yeah, you do actually catch the top of the doorframe by just an inch, and it knocks you, and it scrapes, and you do see sparks off the front. It leaves a slight groove in the top of your head and your back, and it's scraped a little bit. But you dive through, both of you leaping. You get to move your movement, 25, 30 to about there.

SAM: Oh.

MATT: You have Fresh Cut Grass on your back. (laughs)

TRAVIS: Amazing. Am I in both of their melee ranges?

MATT: There's only one of them, currently.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's right, that's right, that's right!

TALIESIN: Yeah, we're one down.

MATT: But yes, you are.

TRAVIS: Should I just keep going and risk a disadvantage hit? That was a motherfucker, wasn't it?

TALIESIN: (uncertain noises)

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: You still have your action. What are you going to do?

TALIESIN: I was going to say, we're in here.

MATT: If you want to dash, it's up to you.

TALIESIN: It's going to get it back next.

TRAVIS: It's going to get what back?

TALIESIN: It gets its turn back, no matter what. Even if you burn its reaction, doesn't matter to anybody else.

TRAVIS: But has it used its reaction?

TALIESIN: No.

TRAVIS: It's after you.

TRAVIS: Balls.

TALIESIN: Yeah, resets it right after.

TRAVIS: I'll take two swings at it.

MATT: Go for it, claw strikes.

TRAVIS: Oh god! Yeah. Okay.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: After all this trouble--

SAM: I'm gripping his fur.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: 25 to hit?

MATT: That hits. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Dang. Yeah. three plus eight. 11 points of slashing damage and 11 points. So 22 total.

MATT: You got it. (slashing)

TRAVIS: Oh!

MATT: Carving fast.

TRAVIS: One. (laughs) Two points of fire damage.

MATT: Did you ignite your chisel or did you ignite your claws?

TRAVIS: Oh, I did my chisel. So there's none of those two points. I didn't do the swing with the-- Yeah, because I did my claws.

MATT: I remember, yeah. You had your claws. If you're attacking with the chisel, it's not going to get the bonus.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Fair.

MATT: So you don't get the two extra damage. You're fine.

TRAVIS: Oh no!

MATT: Oh. That's still 22 points of damage as you carve through. You watch bits of clay spatter onto the ground and it leaves these large gashes and chasms on the inside of its body that are starting to try and reform. But when they're reforming, it's drying up and leaving this weird lip to it. But yeah, it's showing some wear and tear. All right. Does that finish your turn?

TRAVIS: It does.

MATT: All right. It is now its turn. It is going to reach. No, you did goading attack. It's going to go for you. It's going to attempt to grapple and throw. I need you to make an athletics or acrobatics check for me.

SAM: He's good at those.

LIAM: Athletics, or acrobatics. Excuse me.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: That'll do. Is that right? That is what I would. (groans) Not that high. That was only 15.

MATT: 15 does not.

LAURA: Oh no!

LIAM: Going to throw me like a baseball.

MATT: You have your shield up and you're ready. You definitely goaded it, and it just palms you, full-on grabs you. Your whole body and your shield fit within its hand; and it grabs you, turns around, and (whoosh), throws you at Imogen.

MARISHA: Oh shit!

TRAVIS: Not into the room, please. (laughs)

SAM: Oh noes!

LAURA: He knows what he's doing.

MATT: That is going to be a 19 to hit.

TRAVIS: (laughs) You are unhinged today, Matthew! (laughter)

TRAVIS: Tax season is dangerous!

TALIESIN: Weird question. Is that at disadvantage?

TRAVIS: Never again!

MARISHA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Is that a disadvantaged throw? Because it's not an attack against Orym. (groaning)

MATT: Technically, he's part of the attack. So I would say it counts.

TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: She's more of the wall than he's splatting against.

LAURA: It definitely hits me.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: This is the simplest form of telekinesis.

LAURA: Yes. (laughs)

MATT: So each of you together--

LAURA: This is catapult.

TALIESIN: He's doing this while he's doing it.

MATT: Yeah. Both of you--

LAURA: Purest form.

MATT: That is-- Both of you take 20 points of bludgeoning damage. (groaning)

LIAM: Wow.

LAURA: I'm unconscious.

MARISHA: Fuck!

SAM: Oh!

MARISHA: Fuck!

SAM: Wait, can I halve that?

MATT: You can, if you're within range, which I believe you are, because you're on the back of the wolf.

SAM: Oh, I'm on the back of the wolf! I'll take half of it.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Does that help?

LAURA: I'm not unconscious.

MARISHA: Oh my god!

SAM: (yelps)

MATT: All right. So you are not unconscious. You, however, Orym, because you were thrown, are prone.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Both of you smack. You're looking into the next room, in the process of glancing ahead before you hear (whooshes) the voice of Orym, like (shouts). (laughs) You turn around just in time to get impacted, and it slams you more into the side of the doorway than into the chamber itself. You roll to the ground (groans) on your back. That hurt like a mother.

TRAVIS: Then when you fall right next to the plate, it's like (crash).

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Right? (laughter)

MATT: After that throw, it's going to step up to engage more with Fearne, and still up against you, over there.

LAURA: (as Fearne) Yeah!

MATT: That's going to finish its turn.

LAURA: (as Fearne) Go for it!

MATT: Ashton, you're up, with Imogen on deck.

TALIESIN: I run straight for this thing. I'm just going to take a giant swing upward and try and knocking it straight through again.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Am I going reckless?

TRAVIS: ♪ Knockin' it straight ♪

MATT: Are you going reckless?

MARISHA and SAM: ♪ Knockin' it through ♪ (laugh)

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm trying to get right next to Chetney.

MATT: Here?

TALIESIN: Yeah, that'll do it.

TRAVIS: Hi, friend.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Fuck it.

TRAVIS: Do we get advantage because Fearne's on that side?

MATT: If he moves one this way, he can get--

TALIESIN: I will go one that way and be much smarter about this. Thank you.

MATT: You are--

TALIESIN: That will make life a lot easier.

MATT: So you get advantage without having to do a reckless.

TRAVIS: Thank god!

TALIESIN: Phew! Okay.

TRAVIS: No reckless from the clay golem, please.

TALIESIN: Trying here. Boy, that ain't great. 16? Nope. Misses.

MATT: 16 misses.

TALIESIN: Oh! I didn't roll advantage. There we go.

MATT: That's worse.

TALIESIN: Worse.

MATT: So the first swing, you go and reach for it. As you rush up to it, it has already turned its attention away from you and it seems to be trying to swing forward, towards both Fearne and Chetney. As it does, you just manage to miss it by an inch.

TALIESIN: I'm going to keep the kinetic movement and just spin around and try and keep it rolling.

MATT: An upward golf swing. Go for it.

TALIESIN: Okay. That hits.

MATT: That is better.

TALIESIN: Let's do 2d6. Ah! There we go!

MATT: That's better.

TALIESIN: 17 points of damage, like a person.

SAM: Nice!

TALIESIN: There they go.

MATT: (slamming) Crack! It gets stuck in its body for a second and you have to get your foot up onto it to pull your hammer free. As you do, and you pull back, you can see the body is crumbling around where the wound is. The clay's trying to close up. It's drying as it does so. This thing's starting to look hurt. It's starting to look hurt.

TALIESIN: Keep it going! Keep it going!

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: Does that finish your turn, Ashton?

TALIESIN: This is what I got.

MATT: You still have some movement, if you want to--

TALIESIN: What?

MATT: You still have some movement if you want to try and shift.

TALIESIN: I will go a little closer to Chetney, just to, yeah. I just want to make sure that I can help support everybody as they make attacks.

SAM: Aw!

MATT: You got it. All righty.

SAM: That's so nice.

MATT: Finishing your action. Imogen, you're up, with Orym on deck.

TRAVIS: I want to live!

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to step--

TALIESIN: I don't care about any of your fuckers.

LAURA: -- to my left so I can get a straight shot at the creature with out hitting Fearne.

MATT: Okay. So here?

SAM: You're going back in?

LAURA: Yep.

SAM: But you're on death's door.

LAURA: I don't know what else to do. I'm going to--

SAM: Flee!

LAURA: I'm going to Lightning Bolt that creature.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Careful. It bounces.

TRAVIS: Yep.

LAURA: I'm going to make sure I'm not lining up with anybody. I don't want to hit Ashton.

MATT: This way?

LAURA: Yep.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: It'll just hit the lion and set off death in that room.

MATT: All right. So-- (laughter)

MATT: So that is, yeah, 8d6.

LAURA: Yeah, dexterity.

MATT: It does get advantage on the save.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: It is dexterity save. Which is--

TRAVIS: Come on.

MATT: Rolled double 18s with a penalty on this dexterity save. That still brings it to a 17.

LAURA: Okay. Well, then he takes half damage.

MATT: Yeah. Still lightning damage to him.

LAURA: That's still 8d6. So now it takes-- Should I roll 8d6 and halve it or just roll four?

MATT: No, roll 8d6 and halve it.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Because that's why you have the spell, is to roll that many dice. It's half the fun.

LAURA: Yeah, right.

TRAVIS: Don't give her excuses, Matt. She doesn't need 'em.

MATT: I'm trying to help you guys. You're in a real bad situation.

TRAVIS: I know!

LAURA: Wow, that's a lot of ones.

MATT: Aw.

LAURA: Nine, 11.

TRAVIS: Have you talked with your dice lately about not rolling ones?

LAURA: 13, 16. (giggles)

TRAVIS: Talk about leadership.

LAURA: 19, halved.

MATT: 19, halved. All right. So it takes--

TALIESIN: I have a great die therapist.

MATT: Eight points of lightning damage. As you come to the side, release it, it shoots through its body and you watch where it impacts. It crumbles away into an ashy substance, leaving this hole in the middle of its torso. The bolt shoots by, then bounces in the middle of this chamber before dis-illuding in the room. But it, you know, pretty significant hit. It's really showing some hurt.

LAURA: Okay. Bonus action. Bonus action. I'm just going to move Laudna farther away from the creature.

MATT: Okay. Right there?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. There you go. All right. So Laudna just gets shifted a bit.

TRAVIS: If it's fire, fuck it up more.

MATT: All right, that finishes your go, Imogen. That brings us to Orym, with Laudna on deck.

LIAM: Orym will waver himself up to his feet, spit a little halfling blood on the ground, and go: We're not going anywhere. I'm going to dive under Fearne and pop up, and then just plant my foot and push her by the butt back to trade places. Bait and switch again. I'm giving myself armor class boost. Eight.

TRAVIS: There it is!

MATT: Ahh.

LIAM: There it is!

TRAVIS: There it is, finally! There it is!

MARISHA: Yay!

LIAM: Jump goading attack.

MATT: Do it.

TALIESIN: Add a d4.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: (laughs) Oh okay.

LIAM: 16 plus eight is 22.

MATT: That definitely hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

LIAM: So goading attack. 16 DC.

MATT: It rolls a natural one! Definitely does not save.

LIAM: Very goaded. Oh, max damage! Max damage! So it's five. That's 11, plus four is 15. (laughter)

MATT: 15 points of damage. (laughter)

MATT: Okay. How do you want to do this? (cheering)

LIAM: I run up its body, and you see little, tiny footprints go (footsteps) up the side, and I take my sword from Zephrah, and I stick it through, and you guys see the tip come out the other ear on the other side. Then, I just ride the wave down the ground.

LAURA: Nice!

LIAM: Ugh!

MATT: It crumbles to the ground. As you withdraw the blade, you can see the once liquid clay now turns a dull gray, ashy color and begins to crack and crumbles into just a pile of disused dust.

LIAM: I got the poo on me.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: All right.

SAM: We did it?

MARISHA: Let's get the fuck out of here!

TALIESIN: Let's--

TRAVIS: I don't know. We got time.

TRAVIS: But we got to be on guard, right?

SAM: Initiative order?

TRAVIS: They're waiting for us.

LAURA: Yeah, they're going to be on the other side.

MATT: The battle is complete. You're no longer in initiative order.

SAM: (groans)

TALIESIN: I'm going to--

SAM: I take ten points of damage.

LIAM: Yeah. (laughter)

TALIESIN: I'm going to shut that door, and I think we need to chill out for a little while.

SAM: What are you talking about? They're coming!

MARISHA: At any moment.

TRAVIS: Also, I feel like they could reform.

MARISHA: I think you're right.

TALIESIN: Is the clay from the first one doing anything?

MATT: You can make an investigation check.

LAURA: Maybe let's also look at those things that it came out of. It could also form more clay.

TALIESIN: I want to make an investigation check, and then I'm going to hit it with hammer anyway.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Right. Yeah, let's see.

LAURA: Can I look at the things that the clay was coming out of?

MATT: Yeah. You inspect the underneath and there's a glass, like a bottle top, but upside down, like whatever was containing this liquid, clay-like substance, the stopper or whatever sort of barrier had been removed and it had all fallen outward. Looking up into it, it appears to be empty and there's just elements of residue and a faint bit of that same liquid clay that's like--

LAURA: Okay, that's good.

TALIESIN: I rolled a three.

MATT: Rolled a three? Eh.

TALIESIN: I hit it.

MATT: (slams) (poofs) Dust goes up and--

TRAVIS: (shouts) Hey, what're you--

LAURA: I don't think it's reforming anytime soon.

LIAM: Okay. They might be waiting for us around here, funneling us.

TALIESIN: It's locked. Let's just shut the two doors, get in position, and see if we can just... We've got time before the sun rises.

LAURA: An hour?

TALIESIN: Do you have a better idea? How fucked are we already?

SAM: They're probably healing and stuff.

TRAVIS: I would stick these two doors open and we can post up one person at each way and give yourself three quarters cover to those doors. If those doors open, it's rock and roll because they're in a fatal funnel, right? So we are in here for now. It's our little Alamo. We can either rest in here or we can try and move on one of those two doors.

MARISHA: What if we take--

SAM: This for an hour?

LAURA: I mean, we've got a few hours before sun up.

TRAVIS: Either that or they'll try and come in, right?

MARISHA: They're going to come in.

TRAVIS: They're going to have to come to us.

LAURA: They're going to think we're dead.

MARISHA: What if I take one of Fearne's extra earrings that she definitely stole and put it in the box and mend the box, and we can be like, "Ugh! We just can't get it open!"

LAURA: We could all act like we're dead. We can lay down.

SAM: Oh!

MARISHA: Then, when they come in, then they could try and get it themselves. Then, we can be like, "Ha ha! Fuck you!" And run.

LAURA: Or--

SAM: Oh shit. I... Sometimes I have a spell that makes us seem really dead, but I didn't prepare today.

LAURA: What if... What if we just keep laying dead and they come and get the earring and they leave? Then we just--

MARISHA: It's not the right one, and then we just walk out.

LAURA: Yeah, and then we just walk on out, man.

MARISHA: That's a predicament.

LAURA: They'll think they won, but they didn't.

MARISHA: Maybe, one of us could still be alive, but barely. We're like, "(coughs) Don't! This is our victory!"

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I feel like you're relying way too much on your ability to improvise, and I feel like that's a really, really bad call right now.

SAM: She's very good.

MARISHA: I spent a lot of time alone and read a lot of books, including--

LIAM: What if we all laid down--

TALIESIN: Don't call us. That's all I'm saying.

LIAM: What if we all lay down and they throw a bunch of fire in here?

SAM: That wouldn't be good.

TRAVIS: Make a bunch of fire in here?

LAURA: That would be really bad.

TALIESIN: So let's shut that door because we'll hear them if they come in. They don't know about the bad tiles. That way, we'll know when they come in because that door will open and let's--

TRAVIS: There's bad tiles in both rooms.

TALIESIN: We've got to--

SAM: We don't know about bad tiles in this room. Maybe we--

LAURA: We haven't even looked.

SAM: -- should find out what they are and we can remotely trigger them when they walk in the room.

TRAVIS: How did we figure out these? We looked at the floor?

MATT: Yeah. You carefully inspected the floor.

TRAVIS: I will go over and carefully inspect from the doorway, place of safety.

LAURA: Do you have a--

TRAVIS: -- the floor.

SAM: (lisping) I'll cast Guidance on you. (laughter)

MATT: All right, so you got Guidance. You can make a perception or investigation check. Your choice.

TRAVIS: I'll do investigation with my sight, which is advantage.

SAM: Oh!

TRAVIS: Oh wait. That's only--

MATT: That's only when if he's dealing with different creatures.

SAM: Just boom, boom, boom.

LAURA: What if you do that?

TRAVIS: 14. Oh, plus what?

MATT: 14.

TRAVIS: A d4?

MATT: Plus a d4.

TALIESIN: And I think one--

TRAVIS: 16.

MATT: 16. Okay. You make out two different elements of the floor that remind you of that slight shift in elevation and texture that the previous room had. You see both of those being--

TRAVIS: I only saw two tiles because I rolled a 16 because I was--

MATT: Here and here.

TALIESIN: Is it similar to the other one?

MATT: It's similar enough to where you pick up the pattern. Those are the two you see.

SAM: Well, that's good. We can remote-- (lisping) We can remotely trigger them.

MARISHA: (laughs)

SAM: Okay. I can cast a spell that would make (lisping) us all healed gradually, over the next few rounds.

TALIESIN: That's probably amazing idea.

SAM: Okay.

MARISHA: Should I start staging the fake earring? Do we want to do that?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Yeah, let's do that.

LAURA: Let's just try.

TALIESIN: You stage that. I got an idea. Okay.

TRAVIS: So wait, just so I have this right.

TALIESIN: Need some ball bearings.

TRAVIS: We're going to pretend like we're dead.

LAURA: Well, we're at least going to make a fake earring--

SAM: Or hide or something.

TALIESIN: I think we're getting out of here.

LAURA: -- to, you know, and we can use this jewelry box that I took to put the crystal in, and they don't know what it looks like in here.

MARISHA: Absolutely.

LAURA: I could put it, and it just looks like it's in here.

TALIESIN: Wait. What toys do we still have?

LAURA: We have the jack-in-the-box.

TALIESIN: Put the jack-in-the-box right in the... Actually, can we put the earring in the jack-in-the-box and leave it on the thing?

LAURA: Just to creep them out?

MARISHA: So when they open it.

TRAVIS: Why are we doing that?

LAURA: Let's put the earring dangling from the--

TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah. They don't know it won't fuck them up.

LAURA: Yeah. That's true.

MARISHA: To make it seem booby trapped.

SAM: It wouldn't get us all the way back. We would each get 2d6 and some of us would get 4d6. That's about all I could do.

LAURA: That's better than nothing.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

SAM: Worth it?

LAURA: I think so.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Over the next couple of rounds, like every six seconds?

SAM: In the next minute.

TRAVIS: Okay.

SAM: I could get 10 rounds of 2d6 of healing.

TRAVIS: Yeah. That's really good.

TALIESIN: Oh wow!

TRAVIS: In a big way.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm at 10 hit points.

TALIESIN: 10 rounds of 2d6 is filled with everybody.

SAM: Okay. I'll cast Aura of Vitality and I'll just go around and around, casting 2d6.

TRAVIS: Before you do that, somebody post up at that door, somebody post up at this door. How close do we have to be to you for it?

SAM: I can just roll up to you and boop.

TALIESIN: I'll shut that door.

TRAVIS: Ranged people...

MATT: Which one? This one?

TALIESIN: No, the one the other side. I'm going to shut that door.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: And just, yeah.

LIAM: I'll man the new door.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Shut though, right? We're shutting everything?

TALIESIN: No. We're going to-- Yeah, I guess we'll shut it for now.

LAURA: Why?

TALIESIN: We're going to figure that out.

LAURA: Don't we want to see them come in?

TALIESIN: We're going to hear them come in.

TRAVIS: I would make it more difficult for them.

LAURA: I don't know if we'll hear them come in. They're sneaky.

TALIESIN: I mean--

LAURA: I don't know.

SAM: Should I just start rolling?

TRAVIS: Yeah, go for it.

LIAM: I'm going to shut the door.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Until we're done, and then when we're ready to go--

SAM: Chetney, you get two points.

TRAVIS: Ooh.

MARISHA: Yikes.

SAM: Laudna, you get nine.

MARISHA: Ooh! That's great.

SAM: I get five. You get 12.

LIAM: Yo!

SAM: You get five.

LIAM: Okay.

SAM: You get eight.

TALIESIN: Nice.

SAM: Does Fearne need it?

LAURA: Fearne barely needs it. I would go for other people that are more hurt.

LIAM: I'm pretty hurt.

SAM: Oh, we're so--

LAURA: No! But no! She's 38 out of 41.

MATT: How are you doing, by the way?

LAURA: She's really doing good, compared to everyone else.

TRAVIS: I'm above it.

LAURA: She's really good.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: Okay. I've got four more.

TRAVIS: But I need it.

TALIESIN: I'm good.

SAM: So I'll hit you again.

LIAM: -- me again, too.

SAM: Five more.

TRAVIS: (laughs) What is this fucking piss-ass rules?

LIAM: 19 out of 49 right now.

MARISHA: I'm not good either. I'm 16 out of 34.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: I'm good.

SAM: Give it to Laudna.

SAM: I got one more.

LIAM: Don't give it me.

LAURA: I'm 22 out of 31, but I don't know what Ashton's at.

SAM: What about you?

TALIESIN: I'm fine.

LAURA: Okay. But what is--

TALIESIN: I'm at 43 out of 60.

MARISHA: 22 out of 26.

LAURA: What is Chetney at?

TRAVIS: I'm at 32 out of 46.

LAURA: Okay. I'm at 22 out 31.

TRAVIS: But things start getting dicey for me below 24.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: That's true.

LAURA: Below 24.

SAM: Four more for you.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: All right, and the spell fades. The minute-round of heals are complete as the Aura of Vitality dissipates. Here in this quiet chamber, what are you doing?

MARISHA: I'm putting the earring on the jack-in-the-box and I'm prepping it.

TRAVIS: The fake earring or the real one?

MARISHA: The fake earring that I know Fearne has and I also break one of the beads off, one green bead and I make it look as much with the shit that she has and the shit that I have as possible.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: We know it needs to look like a gold earring with a lapis bead.

MATT: Correct. Now what earring are you using for this?

MARISHA: Lapis not emerald. Huh?

MATT: What earring are you using for this?

MARISHA: One that Fearne has.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: She said she has some stolen earrings.

MATT: That makes sense.

LAURA: "She's got so much shit in her fur," Ashley wrote.

MATT: Yeah, that makes sense. I'll allow it, I'll allow it, okay.

LAURA: Yes, she does have so much shit in her fur, too, I think.

MATT: Yeah, I'll allow it, it makes sense. She's established it for the entirety of this campaign. Okay, so yeah, you do manage to pull from the clay-matted elements of her fur a brassy-looking earring, like a hoop.

LAURA: Can you Guidance her so that she does a better job of?

SAM: Guidance.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Forging this.

MATT: So you are attempting to--

MARISHA: Do a bit of bead work.

MATT: You're essentially assembling a window display here.

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: Now all the glass is shattered, there is broken glass all around the top of this pedestal.

LAURA: Oh, right.

MATT: And the floor around it.

LAURA: Prestidigitation, can I make it go away?

LIAM: There's clay everywhere.

TRAVIS: Dingleberries.

LIAM: There's broken glass everywhere.

LAURA: That's true. Maybe just--

MARISHA: We got in, but we died before we could get it.

LIAM: And the trap went off.

MARISHA: And the trap, yes. The trap went off.

TRAVIS: Just so we're saying it, we're going to lay on the ground like we're dead.

LAURA: We're figuring it out still.

TRAVIS: They're going to come and poke us with those sharp pointy things to make sure we're dead and then we'll be real dead.

LAURA: They might not be awful. They might not be evil.

MARISHA: We didn't try to murder them, we just fucked with them.

TRAVIS: You don't know what I was doing while I was away from you guys.

MARISHA: That's fair.

TALIESIN: We're getting out of here. We just want to make sure that they slow down for a second. We got to make sure that there's no tiles to step on, and then we need some ball bearings.

LAURA: I've got some more ball bearings.

TALIESIN: Because we're going to have to make sure that next room doesn't have a surprise pit. So we're going to have to roll those ball bearings.

LAURA: You know that team is waiting for us right on the other side.

SAM: Yeah, they are.

MARISHA: Yeah, no doubt.

SAM: I'm going to cast a quick Yassify.

LAURA: Oh my god.

LIAM: He didn't touch that one at all That's just him.

LAURA: It's just you.

MATT: You idiot. (laughter)

LIAM: But it's an old picture; that's like two years old.

TALIESIN: Easily.

TRAVIS: That tank top, baby.

TALIESIN: Man, the pandemic took a toll.

TRAVIS: Make sure you cover those commercial looks. Get all those commercial looks with that headshot. Hey guys, you want a pick up basketball game?

MATT: Oh man. All right, so you're assembling the window dressing around this fake earring. I'll say just-- Roll a d20 and add your intelligence modifier.

MARISHA: You said I get Guidance?

SAM: Plus Guidance.

MARISHA: Plus Guidance. My intelligence modifier.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: You're so smart, Laudna.

MARISHA: I'm super smart.

LAURA: I've always thought that about you.

MARISHA: I've done a lot in terms of marketing. (high-pitched) Mm!

SAM: Boy oh boy.

TRAVIS: What is happening? You know what? That's actually deserving. That checks out for this.

MARISHA: Five total.

SAM: Plus one.

MARISHA: Six.

MATT: Six, okay.

LAURA: Wow.

MATT: You feel pretty good about it. (laughter) It definitely has--

TRAVIS: "You feel pretty good."

MATT: -- like lighters on the way out of the gas station presentation quality to it.

LAURA: Okay, great, great. Regardless, we'll hook it onto the jack-in-the-box.

MARISHA: Yes.

LAURA: Then push the little devil head down into the box and shut it and put it right where the earring was so that it, you know?

MARISHA: They don't know. Maybe it's trapped, they don't know.

MATT: Yeah, okay. So you situate that, you set up. What else do you do?

TALIESIN: You want to leave them anything exciting?

SAM: Leave them, are we leaving?

LAURA: No, let's just fucking try to get out of here.

MARISHA: -- the jack-in-the-box.

TRAVIS: What do you mean, what does that mean? Where are we going?

LAURA: We got to get through one of the doors. I mean, fuck.

LIAM: It could be a waiting game if they've blocked the door over there.

MARISHA: Yes, there's the door.

LIAM: If we go in there and wait, maybe they'll get restless and come in around this way.

SAM: I think so.

LIAM: And we're out of the room and then your booby trap has a chance to work.

TRAVIS: We got the flag. They have to come through two rooms that are trapped.

TRAVIS: That's true.

LIAM: Can you pull magic off of something?

SAM: I could, until I healed everyone just now.

LAURA: Well, plus, you can't do it to that item.

SAM: Apparently not.

TALIESIN: I got a dumb idea.

SAM: But does someone have a way to remotely trigger the tiles if we're in the other room?

LAURA: Ball bearings, we could chuck them.

SAM: Mage Hand?

LAURA: I've got Catapult.

SAM: Oh, Catapult.

LAURA: And Mage Hand. All that stuff to send them, so yeah.

TALIESIN: Mister can do it.

LAURA: Or Mister can do it.

SAM: That's true.

LAURA: So yeah, I think that's a smart idea. We should get into this side room where we know the tiles are, wait.

SAM: Or one of us can, Fearne can. Just put Fearne in the front. She can't say no to that. (laughter)

TALIESIN: I was just of the impression that once we hear that door open, we count to one, set off the tile, shut the door, and, you know?

MARISHA: Go the other way.

LIAM: Can you manipulate the rod through the door? It's a button press, right? I've seen you pick things up.

LAURA: Yeah, but I think I may have to see it.

MATT: I think you need to be able to see it, too.

LAURA: Let me double-check.

TALIESIN: If I can get closer, I can start seeing if I can beat that door to a pulp.

SAM: Wait a second.

LAURA: Nope, nope, nope.

SAM: But also, can't Mister teleport?

MATT: I believe he has to see where he teleports.

SAM: Okay, okay, okay.

LAURA: Can't attack, activate magic items.

MATT: Hmm.

TRAVIS: We don't know what the lions do, right? We don't know if it's fire or poison smoke or electricity, right? We didn't see scorch marks inside that room, right?

LAURA: I don't know.

TRAVIS: This room?

LIAM: I don't understand magic.

MATT: No, you did not.

TRAVIS: Okay. So we don't know if the door is open, is it going to let a poison cloud through?

TALIESIN: We should probably keep the door closed if we're going to set that off.

LAURA: But I can use-- I can manipulate things that I don't have to see it, it just has to be within range.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: So I could trigger one of the traps very easily.

TRAVIS: Yeah, as long as the door is open.

MATT: Within the range of your ability.

LAURA: Sure, but I can also use my sorcery point to double that distance.

MATT: That's true.

LAURA: So I can be within 60 feet of it.

TRAVIS: Do you have to see it or not?

LAURA: No, I do not have to be able to see it. I just have to know about it.

TRAVIS: Okay. That's good for this one because we know where the tiles are and we have two problem tiles that we're aware of in there.

LAURA: Yeah, and that's right in the front. So the minute they come through, we can (pop).

TRAVIS: If they come through.

LAURA: That's true.

TRAVIS: So we could try to take a short rest and if somebody comes through--

LAURA: Line of sight, maybe I can sit in the center and line of sight both of the rooms and if they come through, like I said, I don't even need line of sight.

SAM: Yeah. If you hear somebody, set it off.

LAURA: If I hear them, I trigger the trap.

TRAVIS: You'd need one person sitting against this door and one person sitting against that door and if they hear, I mean, sometimes they could be quiet.

SAM: That's check and mate.

LAURA: All right. Yeah, let's try it then. Let's sit in the room and try that.

TRAVIS: Try for a short rest?

LIAM: I'm listening.

LAURA: Let's try for a short rest.

TALIESIN: Okay, you're listening on one.

TRAVIS: Who's very, very perceptive?

SAM: We're not trying to goad them in here. We're not trying to scream and pretend like we died.

TALIESIN: No, no. We're just--

LAURA: We're literally just--

TALIESIN: -- waiting to hear.

LAURA: -- waiting them out.

TALIESIN: And if we hear--

MARISHA: Fearne has some crazy perception, doesn't she?

LIAM: Not as crazy as Orym's.

LAURA: Yes, she does.

LIAM: I have advantage.

TALIESIN: Fearne on the other door.

MARISHA: We need two.

SAM: Somebody listen left and somebody listen right.

TALIESIN: Fearne on one door. Orym on the other. I'll stick with you.

TRAVIS: So we should also have one perceptive person on each door and flanking the opposite side of the door, somebody with melee damage for that flanking hit.

TALIESIN: I'll be right there.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: So which door are you going to, Orym?

LIAM: I'll stick with where we expect them to come from.

MATT: Which side is that?

ALL: This side.

LIAM: I believe if they were going to come, they'd come there.

TALIESIN: That's harder to do anyway, because that rod is above them. So getting that door open--

LAURA: That's true.

TRAVIS: Unless it just locked Fearne inside. (laughs)

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: I mean, that's also quite possible.

MARISHA: Ah, shit.

TRAVIS: Those damn Schlage doorknobs.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs) You have to turn the damn--

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Can I position myself in the room to where I'm within 60 feet of both rooms, both of the side rooms?

LIAM: Imagine if they're all dead. Just locked behind us.

MATT: Yeah, I'll say you can get yourself about right there.

LAURA: Solid.

LIAM: Then we just all die.

TRAVIS: All die.

TALIESIN: Yeah, never mind. Both those doors swing out, never mind.

SAM: I'll just keep touching Orym every round and Guiding him to perceive.

LIAM: (warbling)

SAM: Like a nice robotic hand massage.

LIAM: Head scratch.

LAURA: Great.

MATT: That's 10 Guidances a minute.

LIAM: But it's a cantrip, right?

MATT: It is.

LAURA: It is.

SAM: All right, I'll just do it once every four times.

MATT: Okay, that's fine.

TRAVIS: And this whole thing together.

SAM: It's negotiation.

TRAVIS: We've got 24 hours to get the earring, right?

LAURA: We have until sunup.

MARISHA: Before sunrise.

MATT: Till sunrise.

TRAVIS: And how long have we been going so far-ish?

SAM: Ask Caleb.

MATT: Make a survival check. (laughter)

LIAM: Under an hour.

TRAVIS: Okay.

TALIESIN: It has not been a very long time.

LAURA: I think we've got a few more hours.

TRAVIS: 15.

MATT: 15, yeah, so thinking about time that's passed since then, you generally, as a hunter, have a good sense of how time passes when you are not able to look at the surroundings of nature, though that does help you tremendously to pinpoint that. You gather the time it's taken you since break-in to carefully inspect each of these trapped regions, to eventually come through and then rest here for a bit, it's been like two and a half hours, we'll say.

TRAVIS: Okay.

TALIESIN: Let's take it to three and a half.

MATT: A little over two hours, we'll say. So you still have a good three and a half hours or so, three, three and a half hours before the sun rises.

TRAVIS: All right.

MARISHA: All right. We're all situated, yeah?

LAURA: Sorry we wasted your spell.

TRAVIS: Anybody else want to Home Alone anything else on either of these two doors? Anybody got paint cans, or?

MARISHA: We've got ball bearings.

LAURA: That would be insane.

TRAVIS: Anybody want to heat the door knobs so when they grab it, the letter gets burned into their palm?

SAM: We can't keep perceiving and Guiding anyway if we're resting.

MATT: Correct.

SAM: Can't do any of that.

MATT: You can keep an ear out.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: But yeah.

SAM: Can't actively be--

MATT: Can't actively be casting spells and consider it a short rest. You could not take a short rest, if you want to. But as you guys are both-- Roll a perception check for Fearne and you roll a perception check as well as you guys begin to take your short rest.

LIAM: Am I Guided by this?

SAM: For the first one.

LIAM: For the first one.

SAM: I don't know. Matt, did I Guide him for one of them?

MATT: I'll allow it.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: 25 For Fearne.

MATT: Great.

LIAM: 20 for Orym.

MATT: Okay. Okay, so the rest of you are just resting, drinking water, taking a minute to adjust yourself. Your form lasts for an hour. So if you get the full rest, you will revert.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LIAM: If I'm sitting and listening, am I forgoing the rest?

LAURA: You can listen.

MATT: No. You can listen and still be getting a short rest.

LIAM: Okay, I'm criss-cross applesauce with my blade in my lap.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Looking at the door.

MATT: Roughly 10 or so minutes go by. You rolled very high. You hear the sound of a door just faintly (creaking) from inside the chamber beyond you.

LAURA: On your side?

MARISHA: On his side.

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: Which is the side we were anticipating, right?

MATT: You faintly hear some whispers.

SAM: We should wait until they get in.

TRAVIS: Come in, they're going to do it by themselves.

LAURA: I'm going to wait until I hear a jiggle on this door.

LIAM: You're with me, right, or are you center?

TALIESIN: I'm with you.

LIAM: So are we taking sides of the door?

TRAVIS: Which way does the door open?

MATT: It opens inward.

TRAVIS: Okay, yeah.

MATT: You hear a voice go, "Wait. Don't move."

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: And there's a little bit of a 20-, 30-second pause. "Do not step here or here or here."

TRAVIS: Fuck.

SAM: I think it was three tiles.

MATT: "All right, come in."

SAM: They found more than us.

MARISHA: Three.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Was it three?

LAURA: The minute I hear any movement on the door, I'm going to trigger it.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Trigger the trap.

MATT: There's a pause and you can hear footfalls and you hear the sound of wood creaking, like some sudden movement had hit a table and then another impact and the wood's like (wobbles, creaks) as people are now apparently using the table to get around some of these sections here. Then you begin to hear ever so gently (tapping).

LAURA: Tch.

MATT: You then immediately hear-- (laughter)

TRAVIS: Tell me!

MATT: -- the sound of heavy stone on stone. (scraping) (screaming, flames roaring) You see from underneath the door, the very faint gap on the top and the bottom, bright orange light and the temperature you immediately sense from the other side of the door get very, very warm and you hear multiple voices go (screams). (laughter)

MATT: (fire burning) The door is very, very warm in the space around you. The door is now being pressed upon, (thuds).

TRAVIS: I run over and I help Orym.

TALIESIN: The hammer is just down. Yeah, it's because it's a pull door.

MATT: It's a pull door, yeah.

TALIESIN: Yeah, and it's locked.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: You're holding the door.

MATT: Those of you that are holding the door--

LIAM: They're going to pull it.

MATT: -- we're going to make a group strength versus group strength check.

SAM: Wow.

TRAVIS: Yep.

LIAM: Is this an advantage thing or all of us?

MATT: This is each of you roll.

TRAVIS: I'm still strong, so it's okay.

LIAM: I am not.

TRAVIS: And I get advantage.

MATT: We'll say two of you can roll.

LIAM: You guys go.

TRAVIS: I get advantage, yeah.

MATT: Yes, because you're still transformed.

TRAVIS: Oh god.

TALIESIN: Strength roll?

MARISHA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Nine.

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: 14.

TALIESIN: 17.

MATT: 14, 17. One of them rolled a natural 20. (groaning) The other rolled really poorly, which means technically that's a stalemate, I'll say.

TRAVIS: Rollies.

MARISHA: Rollies! (laughter)

MATT: So let's roll again.

MARISHA: Come on, come on.

MATT: Until one side wins or the other. They continue to pull.

TRAVIS: 22.

TALIESIN: 23.

MARISHA: Woo!

LIAM: Flex.

MATT: They rolled again a natural 20 and a natural 19.

LIAM: But we still won.

SAM: But they have pluses and things.

MATT: But--

LAURA: A natural 19.

MATT: The two that are at the front door have both zero strength modifiers. So you still manage to hold the door tight. (cheering)

MATT: Pulls it, (grinding), and you hear the voices on the other side. The fire has subsided and you hear--

SAM: Trigger it again.

LAURA: Yeah. I'm going to try to trigger it again.

MATT: (burning) (screaming, burning) (laughter)

MATT: The door is now catching fire. You can now see flames are starting to lick at the top side of it.

TALIESIN: They can run back anytime they want. They could peace out of this real easy.

TRAVIS: What about screaming, are they screaming?

MATT: Yes. (laughter)

MATT: Yes, they are.

SAM: What about the screaming?

LIAM: Tell me about the screaming!

MATT: Hold on. I'm going to roll some more damage here. (laughter)

TRAVIS: The tiger starts moaning. Tiger, lion.

LIAM: Tyger, tyger, burning bright.

TRAVIS: That's a lion, daddy.

MATT: Eventually the (burning, screaming) subsides and you hear a voice go (pants), "Severo is down, help me!"

LAURA: Oh no.

SAM: Oh, we killed one!

MARISHA: Oh no!

SAM: Trigger it again. (laughter)

TRAVIS: We're not going to kill them, right? We should go and help them.

LAURA: He's just unconscious.

TRAVIS: We should be a helping hand.

LIAM: See if they lose heart.

MARISHA: We just need them to retreat, right?

TALIESIN: You can stabilize, right?

MATT: You hear two of the voices come in and they're like, "Quick, catch him!" (panting) "I don't know what went wrong."

LAURA: I could do it again.

MATT: And you hear them, there's a couple of them that are now in the process of trying to leave the room. Do you do anything?

LAURA: Oh, they're trying to leave?

TRAVIS: Hit them again.

TALIESIN: You want to stabilize?

TRAVIS: Hit them again. They threw the unconscious guy out.

SAM: I have to touch them to stabilize.

TALIESIN: That's true.

LAURA: They threw what?

TRAVIS: They threw the unconscious guy out. He was like "Here, catch him," right? Isn't that what he said?

MATT: That's what you heard.

SAM: They're still in there.

TRAVIS: Hit them again.

LAURA: I do it again.

LIAM: Oh my god. (laughter)

MATT: (burning)

LAURA: They threw him out!

MATT: (screaming) More of the screams are heard inside.

TRAVIS: We're playing for keeps!

SAM: What was it, that old psychological experiment?

TALIESIN: We've gone full Keyleth. (laughter)

TRAVIS: There's no kids in here.

TALIESIN: Stop it!

LAURA: Is this bad?

TALIESIN: I mean.

MATT: Hmm?

TALIESIN: They could've run.

LAURA: They got him out of the room, right? He was out of the room.

LIAM: We don't know yet.

MATT: One of them was.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: Hold on.

TRAVIS: We'll stabilize them.

MARISHA: We'll stabilize.

MATT: Now they both rolled high on their dexterity saves.

LAURA: Okay, good.

TALIESIN: Good.

LIAM: We don't know that.

SAM: It's the Milgram experiment where you keep pressing a button. (laughter)

LAURA: I don't hear screaming anymore. Why don't I hear screaming?

SAM: Keep pressing the button, please.

LIAM: It's just Programmed Illusion, it's fine. (yells)

TALIESIN: Wow, got dark real quick.

LAURA: Fucking terrible.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: That's some early Caleb shit there.

MATT: All right, what do you do now?

LAURA: I don't do again.

SAM: Are there any more screams?

TRAVIS: Let's take a peek.

MATT: Roll perception checks.

SAM: Oh god, we killed them all.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

LAURA: No, we didn't, did we?

LIAM: I got bandage around one hand, I'm going to open the door. Orym's in the front.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: So I just do it.

LAURA: Just don't let it burn you.

TRAVIS: At the most, they're down two death saves.

MATT: You open the door, and the door (thuds) comes off the hinges, it is heavily charred and the metal elements of the door that held it in place completely pull free from the charred wood.

TALIESIN: FCG, let's stabilize.

MATT: Which does have a (thud) sound. So it impacts the stone.

LIAM: Who do I see?

MATT: You see the inside of this room, which was once pristine, has now char marks everywhere, which leads you to believe that these probably haven't-- These might be recent additions or at least have not been triggered before, but the room is now covered in burned soot and the heavy smell of oil.

TRAVIS: Life.

MARISHA: Yeah, I was going to say flesh.

MATT: The table is currently on fire and burning. The opposite door is open. You do not see any bodies in the room.

LAURA: That's good.

SAM: Because they're all ash?

LAURA: No! Is the door covering one of them?

TRAVIS: No!

MATT: No.

TRAVIS: Is the opposite door open?

MATT: It is, yes.

LIAM: I listen to see if I can hear, before plunging forward because I don't want to get an arrow in the eyes.

SAM: There's one tile in here that activates the trap that we don't know about.

LIAM: Do I hear any mucking about?

MATT: At the moment, no. Absolute still silence.

LAURA: You can also look for the tile.

TRAVIS: You could investigate it, yeah, and give a look for the other one.

SAM: Yeah, let's look for that other trap.

TRAVIS: Do it.

LIAM: Yeah, and I'm going to focus on just not the crap to the right that we don't need, just the exit path.

SAM: I'll guide you in your search.

MATT: Okay, make a--

LIAM: Investigation or perception?

MATT: Perception or investigation.

LIAM: I will do perception. Two 13s plus a two is a 15.

MATT: 15, no idea.

LAURA: You didn't add anything?

LIAM: I did. Oh, perception? Nope. No, that's wrong. I didn't add enough.

LAURA: Yeah, you--

LIAM: 13, 14, 15. 20.

MATT: 20?

LIAM: 20. Thank you.

LAURA: There.

LIAM: So what was left?

SAM: There's something left.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, so end table in front of the door.

SAM: So you can go on across the table.

LIAM: Shimmy over the table, everybody.

MARISHA: Do we want to have a run the earring up to What's-His-Butt while--

TRAVIS: We should close on them right now. Tell them to surrender. They're all fucked up, let's go.

LAURA: Yeah, we might as well get past those.

MARISHA: Then, the healers can stay while the rest of us complete the mission.

SAM: (lisped) I can't stay. I can't stay.

MARISHA: You can't stay, that's right.

SAM: (lisped) Oh, I can't stay right now unless you get this out of me.

MARISHA: That's right, that's right. Let's-- no, no, no, we'll see what happens.

LIAM: I'm going to creep over the table and inch up. I'm going to Metal Gear up to the side of the door and try to peek around without being picked off, I hope.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I'll peek around the door, too, and keep an eye on Orym.

MATT: So you're going to jump onto the table?

LIAM: No, I'm going to quietly climb up and creep over and try and go as quiet as possible.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: So I can (squeaks).

LAURA: This table might (cracks).

MATT: And it does. The table, which is still in flames in places and is heavily burned from the multitudes of times that you've set this trap off in a very short period of time.

LAURA: Just three. Just three.

MATT: That counts as a multitude, in my mind. You climb up onto the table and right as you begin to put your weight towards the center, it just (cracks) breaks in the center of it and you slide down.

LIAM: I don't say anything, though. I just hope that they think it's rubble after the explosion.

MATT: Right, yeah, but the table is now broken and you hold yourself there. You hear nothing.

LIAM: All right, I'll tip-toe through the ashes of this wrecked furniture.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Continue the plan to peek around my corner. Clearing corners.

MATT: Okay. You peek around the corner. Make a perception check.

LIAM: 18. Two 13s again.

MATT: 18? Okay. You see the spear that's currently up on the pedestal that you guys noticed when you first came down here. Everything else looks--

SAM: You might've gone around the other side.

TRAVIS: Remember, the floor in front of the door sucks, bro.

MATT: You do see-- actually, you will see this. You do see soot marks dragged across bricks of the stone.

SAM: Oh god.

MATT: And out through that door.

LIAM: Okay. So, I jump from one side of the door to the other, so I can get more of an angle towards the other door.

MATT: Mm-hmm?

LIAM: Do I see anything more of them or does the soot trail just keep going?

MATT: It just goes into that central room.

TALIESIN: Quick question, does the soot trail skip anywhere or no? Is there, like, is it just straight across all the tiles?

MATT: It just looks straight across all the tiles.

TRAVIS: Straight across.

TALIESIN: Okay.

TRAVIS: There's not one tile that doesn't have a soot trail.

SAM: We've been in this room before, haven't we?

TRAVIS: Nope.

LAURA: We never checked all the way to the door.

TALIESIN: We didn't go everywhere.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: All right, and let's go, right?

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, let's press in on them, all right.

LAURA: Let's go.

TRAVIS: Orym, I'm right on your butt.

LIAM: Okay, all right, yup.

MARISHA: I'll start to file in as well.

LIAM: I'm going to walk in their footsteps. I'm going to go walk along the trail of soot.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: They would have been blasted if they set anything off sneaking around.

TRAVIS: Staying right on his-- right on his hiney.

MATT: You guys are all like--

MARISHA: Trail of soot.

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: -- carefully following in. Any particular marching order as you are?

TALIESIN: I'll go towards the back at the moment.

LAURA: I'm going to put Fearne before, yeah, next to FCG because she's got healing right now.

MATT: Okay, you got it.

LAURA: Mister is perched on her shoulder.

TALIESIN: Oh, actually, I've got a job for Mister once we're out of this room. I'm kind of curious.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: It's book keeping.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: It pays well.

MATT: As you turn the corner--

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: -- you do see on the ground here, unconscious and charred, Hutchin, the dragonborn that spoke with you who seemed to be the face or at least the speaking leader of the troop.

TALIESIN: Unconscious?

MATT: Unconscious.

TALIESIN: Can we stabilize?

MATT: You also see the firbolg and you see over here an unconscious goblin next to them.

TRAVIS: Holy shit!

MARISHA: Oh.

MATT: That's all you see in that room.

TALIESIN: We're here to stabilize, hold on.

SAM: Oh, you're talking?

TALIESIN: Oh, I mean, are we in there?

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

SAM: Do your thing.

MATT: If, I mean, this is what you just saw.

TALIESIN and LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You guys glance over, so you all just enter.

TRAVIS: Push it.

LAURA: Yeah, just go on in and--

TALIESIN: Truce. Let's stabilize everyone real quick.

MATT: (Tejana) "Okay. I mean, it's okay, yeah."

TALIESIN: FCG, FCG!

SAM: You have anyone that needs help?

MATT: "We got in a bad place. We got in a real bad place."

TALIESIN: We're all in a bad place. FCG, make sure everybody's okay.

SAM: If you let us go, we can help stabilize your friends.

TALIESIN: Now, now, now, now.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, we're going in, we're going in.

SAM: All right, I'll cast Spare The Dying on whoever looks worse.

LAURA: Oh, that's great. You have-- that's a cantrip, right? Okay, okay.

TALIESIN: You can do it on everybody.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: I was actually going to circle around and get to this door while everyone files in.

TRAVIS: Smart.

MATT: Okay. FCG goes up to there.

LAURA: In the firbolg's head--

SAM: What if this is their ambush?

LAURA: It hears: Where are the others?

TALIESIN: They've got two down. That's insane.

TRAVIS: Are they down?

TALIESIN: Are they?

TRAVIS: We were just talking about the same--

SAM: Or are they pretending to be down?

TRAVIS: Stick them with the pointy end--

MATT: You cast Spare The Dying on one.

SAM: Yeah?

MATT: The other one, they're both just burned.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: It's like the skin is black and cracked in places.

TRAVIS: Yeah, well.

MARISHA: Oh.

MATT: Go ahead and cast on the other.

LIAM: It's a disguise, Kate. You can't fool me. It's latex.

TALIESIN: Yeah, on the way out, I want to see if we can-- I'm fucking pissed. On the way out, I want to see if Mister, if we can steal that spear. I want to fucking clean this place out. Fuck this dude.

SAM: Wait, don't we--

TRAVIS: Any sounds, smells of anything in the room other than the people that are down--

TALIESIN: This is beyond winning now.

TRAVIS: -- standing in the corner.

TALIESIN: Fuck winning.

TRAVIS: Just a wolf perception check of the corners, anything that we couldn't see, anybody hiding behind the--?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: With advantage.

LAURA: I asked the firbolg in its head.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: In their head.

TRAVIS: 18.

LAURA: Where are the others?

MATT: Okay. The response you get is: "What? Hi."

LAURA: Hi.

MATT: "Hi, who is in here?"

LAURA: Where are the others?

MATT: "Who?"

LAURA: Your compatriots, your teammates.

MATT: "Are they in here, too?"

SAM: (chuckles)

LAURA: (sighs)

TRAVIS: The katari!

TALIESIN: Oh, for fucking--

MATT: So at this point, you glance behind and you can see hiding behind in this side here.

SAM: Yeah! Fuckers!

MATT: The female human is there with a large crossbow, her massive warhammer on her back and the hairless, Egyptian katari there with their own large, heavy crossbow and they're both just aimed through and they both look slightly injured. They all look like they've been through hell.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Mind you, you all look like you've been through hell. You've all been through hell. But they're just there and the katari goes (gasps) "You're helping?"

TALIESIN: I turn around.

MATT: "Or are you hurting?"

TALIESIN: I think we've all been a little fucked up for a day.

MATT: "Did you find it?"

TALIESIN: It's none of your business. I think we're all a little beyond that now.

TRAVIS: Just snarl. (growls) It's not worth dying for.

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

TRAVIS: Do I have? No, I don't. No advantage.

MATT: You don't have advantage on it, but you can add your strength modifier to it.

TALIESIN: I was about to say, I can give you advantage by joining in that. I can, well--

MATT: If you have a basis, if you want to. Or you can roll.

TRAVIS: 17, yeah.

TALIESIN: I'll roll it too, so. So why don't we just put everything the fuck down? My intimidation. It's 17 as well.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Harmony. 17-17.

MATT: The two of them look at each other.

SAM: That would be unison, but okay.

MATT: Glances past you and they see Fresh Cut Grass. What do-- You're casting Spare The Dying on them. What else? Anything else you're doing or is that it, just?

SAM: I mean, what do I see? I see just two charred individuals.

MATT: Yeah, they're breathing, but they're--

SAM: There's not much else I can do, so--

LAURA: Fearne can heal.

SAM: I'm just trying to comfort them, and--

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, Fearne's going to go over and cast--

SAM: Oh great!

LAURA: Cure Wounds.

MATT: Okay, on which one?

TRAVIS: Oh, we're getting 'em up?

MATT: There's the dragonborn and the goblin that are both injured.

LAURA: Let's do the dragonborn.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Is that Hutchin? That's Hutchin.

LAURA: Hutchin.

TALIESIN: That's right.

LIAM: This is all of them, right? This is all five. We got three in the main room and two behind.

LAURA: Maybe can we try to get on the stairs, just in case one of them wakes up and whatever.

TALIESIN: They're going to be pretty fucked. I don't think they're going to--

LAURA: Well, this is a shit Cure Wounds, but, you know, it gets them alive. Six.

MATT: Six? Okay, so.

TALIESIN: There.

MATT: Hutchin takes up to a plus six hit points.

LIAM: Once Orym sees all five, he's going to nudge that door open and look to the door to the other lion room. I want to see if the rod is there.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. You nudge it over. The rod is indeed there.

TALIESIN: Oh!

MATT: Pressed against the door.

LIAM: There's a pit in front of the door, right?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Can you describe the dimensions of that again? Is there a lip?

MATT: It is a 10-foot by 10-foot opening right there.

LAURA: But you can totally go over the side?

LIAM: There's a step in front of the door? Is there room to land?

MATT: There is like an inch and a half wide element there.

TRAVIS: We did the edge, across to the other side.

TALIESIN: Is there no way to see it?

LAURA: You can get to the side of the door and just reach.

LIAM: Just slide over?

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah, okay.

TALIESIN: I'm going to--

LIAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm going to be-- I'll, well.

TRAVIS: You going to get the rod back?

LAURA: Yeah, get it.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, so you head back.

LIAM: Yeah, I'll go up to the wall and then inch across just to get to the button. I'll try to get as little of me, little of little me onto that ledge and unclick.

MATT: Okay, reach over. (clicks) Pull it back. Just for the purposes, there is a bit of challenge to this for the miniature lip. Make an acrobatics check for me.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: It's not deeply challenging.

LIAM: 26.

MATT: Yeah. Without issue, you practically leap, unclick it and then land on the opposite side, but you have it at your disposal. So the rod is collected. In the interim, you see the katari and the woman look at each other. They see Fearne walk up and lay a hand onto Hutchin who immediately (gasps). "Oh. Uh? We're alive, right?"

TALIESIN: More or less.

MATT: They both put their crossbows down in this begrudging acceptance.

SAM: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: They begin to enter the chamber with you.

LAURA: Let's leave. You guys stay. We're going to go.

TRAVIS: (deeply) The journal.

MARISHA: Yeah. I agree with Chetney. While all this is going on, Laudna's just going to--

TALIESIN: Check for traps before you do anything.

MARISHA: Peek over at the journal.

LAURA: Yeah, something's going to be trapped again.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: (hums)

MATT: What are you looking for?

TRAVIS: Don't say it nice like that.

MARISHA: Is it trapped or is it?

MATT: You can make a perception or investigation check to see anything--

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LAURA: Can Fearne aid in this? Because she's really good at perceiving.

TRAVIS: Is it dried blood on the pedestal inside? Does it look like dried blood? Is it blood?

LAURA: Can I help?

MATT: Do you look?

MARISHA: Can Fearne help me?

SAM: (as Fearne) Friends can help.

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: Fearne's going to help because she's really good at seeing.

LIAM: (as Fearne) A little lookie-loo.

TRAVIS: Natural 19 for a dirty 20.

MARISHA: Natural 20.

SAM: Oh!

MATT: Oh, damn!

MARISHA: Thank you, Fearne.

MATT: For a total of?

MARISHA: 25.

MATT: Okay. No, it is not blood.

TRAVIS: Damn it!

MATT: There is a very faint trap on this. Looking, there is a glyph right beneath the pedestal that holds it. It looks like it's meant to be triggered if the book holding, you know, essentially like a wooden holder that's high in the back and the book is set in.

LIAM: A Bible stand.

MATT: A little bit, yeah. The stand that's there. It's right beneath the stand. If the stand were to be nudged, it would be triggered, which means it could-- You get the--

MARISHA: Can you dispel it?

MATT: With your high roll--

SAM: I can cast Yassify.

MATT: With your high roll--

LAURA: Oh my! (laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh!

MATT: (laughs) No!

LAURA: Who is that?

MARISHA: It looks nothing like you any more.

MATT: I don't know, but his TikTok is popular.

LAURA: Wow.

MARISHA: Yep. That guy lives in a hype house.

LAURA: I want to see that guy and my girl in pictures together, though, because they would be fucking hot. (laughter)

MATT: With your natural 20 roll, I will say you get the sense that the slight nudging of the stand would set this off. But, if somebody were dexterous and quick enough, they could technically pull the book without setting it off.

SAM: Oh!

MARISHA: A little bit of Telekinesis maybe?

SAM: Or Mage Hand--

LAURA: I don't know if I'm quick enough or fast enough. Would that work?

MARISHA: I don't know.

LAURA: I don't know if a book is--

MATT: You could certainly try.

TALIESIN: Once we're a little--

TRAVIS: Is that a sleight of hand thing?

LAURA: It's a sleight of hand thing.

MATT: It's a sleight of hand thing is what it is.

TRAVIS: (deeply) That's my shit.

LAURA: Yeah, do it.

SAM: (laughs)

TALIESIN: FCG, give him--

SAM: Of course, of course, but are we doing this right now or should we clear some--

TALIESIN: No, we're going to do this on the way out--

SAM: -- of the room first?

TALIESIN: -- I think.

LAURA: Yeah, we are on the way out. So yeah, do it. Fearne's right there, so she's just going to guide you.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Okay, but you guys can get up the steps if you want, so I'm the only one left.

LAURA: Okay, have a good time.

TALIESIN: Everybody up. Everybody up.

MATT: As you're heading up, this is Hutchin goes, "Wait, wait. We all look live we've been through a tough time, right? Did you succeed?"

MARISHA: Not yet.

MATT: Make a deception check.

SAM: Oh boy.

MARISHA: I mean, I'm not wrong.

SAM: Hard to read.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we haven't succeeded yet.

MARISHA: We haven't succeeded yet. 18.

MATT: 18. They're looking for a particular (inaudible). "Why are you leaving?"

TALIESIN: We're going to lie.

MARISHA: We haven't succeeded. We still have shit to do.

LAURA: That room--

TALIESIN: It was too much.

LAURA: It was terrible.

TRAVIS: (deeply) You all smell like charcoal.

MATT: "We will, I think we will take a moment and collect ourselves. (groans) Well, good luck with whatever you're looking for."

LAURA: You as well.

MARISHA: Good luck.

TRAVIS: (deeply) Give me some space. Hi-yah!

SAM: I'll Guide you first.

MARISHA: Hi-yah? (laughs)

TALIESIN: Going up the stairs.

MATT: Okay, so the rest of you begin to go up the stairs. You're going to attempt to sleight of hand this.

LAURA: Fearne got it already.

MARISHA: Come on!

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! (laughter)

TRAVIS: 25!

MATT: 25.

TRAVIS: Natural 15, plus seven, plus three.

MATT: At that moment.

TRAVIS: Oh!

MATT: Nothing happens! (yelling)

MATT: 25 was the DC.

TRAVIS: Ooh! (clapping) (cheering)

MARISHA: Fuck yeah!

MATT: I said it had to be a dexterous motherfucker. You snatch the book and you head back up to the second floor above while the rest of them are like taking, they're taking their short rest now because they look rough.

MARISHA: They're all alive. They're all up now.

MATT: They do.

LAURA: Okay, great.

MATT: They all appear to be alive, yes.

LAURA: Good, great.

MARISHA: (giggles)

MATT: So, heading back upstairs, let me retrieve.

TRAVIS: For the record, that's not meta. I've been around for hundreds of years. I've heard that name.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah, no, it's that particular individual has a lot of history.

TRAVIS: Even if it's dog shit and fake.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I know that name.

MARISHA: You know that name.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: ♪ I know that name ♪

MATT: Retrieving these elements here. Let me place this away and bring the first floor of the basement, just to remind you-- (oohing)

TRAVIS: Bye, map! You were terrible.

SAM: I got to say, Laura's been doing a great job managing both Imogen and Fearne, and she's been doing it thanks to the help of D&D Beyond, which is offering a spring sale right now at 20% off books and premium dice and pre-order of Spelljammer is also included through May 1st. (oohing)

SAM: D&D Beyond, now a part of Wizards of The Coast.

LIAM: Nice. (laughter)

MATT: Yeah, all righty. It took them long enough. (laughter)

MATT: A lot of people are very happy, myself included. So yeah, you return back to this chamber where that shield and the broken, charred pieces of the marionettes that you fought now lie scattered amongst the interior and this door is closed.

TRAVIS: Remember, big jar of smoke in the middle.

SAM: Oh god, I don't remember any of this.

TRAVIS: Ever-smoking bottle, so the whole place is--

LAURA: Are the marionettes on the ground? Did we destroy them all before we?

MATT: You destroyed them.

LAURA: Okay, great.

MATT: They are broken and scattered.

LAURA: They--

MARISHA: Well, the--

LIAM: Just as scary, though.

MARISHA: The suits of armor in the corner shoot lightning.

LAURA: Oh, right, and everybody felt like they were falling.

MARISHA: Yes, that's right.

SAM: Oh my god!

MARISHA: That's right. That's not too terrible.

SAM: What a museum!

MATT: All right, so, where you going?

LAURA: Can we just book it through, grab the bottle and run?

TRAVIS: I'll open the door and search for where I placed the ever-smoking bottle and pick it back up.

MATT: Okay, it is not there.

TRAVIS: God! Shit!

LAURA: Of course the other group got it.

MARISHA: Got it.

LAURA: Of course they got it. Let's just run, go. Get out of here. (laughter)

TALIESIN: I want to stop in this next room once we get across, for a second.

SAM: Just to admire the architecture?

LAURA: All the way through, into the--?

TALIESIN: Yeah, into once we're in the room with--

MATT: Okay, so you all head into the far room there. There's the two different staircases.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: The one that you came down from and the one that they came down from.

TRAVIS: I like ours.

LAURA: Let's go up the one we know.

TRAVIS: Yep!

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Really?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: They could booby trap it, but whatever.

TALIESIN: All right.

LAURA: I don't--

MARISHA: We don't know the other side.

TALIESIN: Chet, do you mind taking a look at this suit of armor over here?

TRAVIS: (deeply) No, I'll take a look.

TALIESIN: FCG, can you Guide Chetney for this?

SAM: Sure, sure.

TRAVIS: What's your new armor are we looking at?

TALIESIN: It's the one that I was looking at previously.

LAURA: On that side?

TALIESIN: No, in the outer room.

LIAM: Those were--

MATT: Yeah. They're these sculpted leather, they're part of the Hishari cult village.

TRAVIS: Investigation or perception?

TALIESIN: Investigation. I want to see what would happen if I with fucked with it.

MATT: Okay, you're trying to see, okay.

TRAVIS: What are you looking for?

TALIESIN: Is it trapped, if I wanted to--?

TRAVIS: Can I look for traps on the suit of armor?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: May the power of the wolf guide you.

TRAVIS: That's investigation, right?

MATT: I'd say with this, this would be investigation because you're carefully looking through and investigating.

LAURA: Guidance.

TRAVIS: Oh, thank you.

LAURA: (laughs) Fuck.

TALIESIN: All right, when everybody's on the steps I'm just going to take the helmet once everybody's on the steps.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I like it.

MATT: Did anyone here train in history?

SAM: You know I'm not!

MARISHA: No.

LAURA: Nope.

LIAM: I am.

LAURA: Wait.

MATT: You are? Roll a history check for me.

LIAM: That's a 17 total.

LAURA: Oh, and Fearne is.

MATT: Okay, Fearne can roll as well, if you'd like to.

SAM: (like Fearne) Okay.

LAURA: (like Fearne) Okay, she rolled terribly. She knows about the fey.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: (as Fearne) Half of my grandma's stories were bullshit. (laughter)

MATT: In circling back and taking a little more time, not being quite as intensely driven at the moment, you do recall hearing about Hishari. It is a village in Issylra to the north of Marquet. It was born as a commune around a charismatic leader that delved into esoteric elemental worship, was eventually found decimated a couple decades ago. Theories point towards eventual enemies destroying the town and its inhabitants or toying with uncontrolled powers that got out of hand. It's used often as a cautionary tale of cults, essentially, that in following charismatic leaders that promise a lot without substance and listening to conventional wisdom, especially that of the older, more pious cities that tend to govern large portions of Issylra, it can lead to their downfall. So you do know of the tale of it. It's very much like a cautionary tale type.

LIAM: It stuck in my head because it sounds so much like Ashari.

MATT: There's elements of it that remind you of that, but like a dark Ashari path, if you will. So you grab the helmet, you head back up the stairs where you came, you emerge back to a staircase that is covered in flour.

LIAM: And lentils.

TRAVIS: And lentils.

MATT: And lentils, just scattered everywhere.

LAURA: Yes.

MARISHA: Those poor people.

SAM: We're halfway to soup, really.

LAURA: Yeah. (laughter)

MATT: You scoot up into the interior chamber and there are the two statues on each side that have the rugs still placed over their faces. There is the front door and there's the staircase that leads up to the second floor of the building here.

TALIESIN: I tell you, I kind of want to fuck around a little more in here.

LAURA: I want to just get out.

MARISHA: We've got this dope notebook, let's not--

SAM: Yeah, what else did we get? We got the notebook. You got a helmet, or you didn't get the helmet?

TALIESIN: I've got it.

LIAM: Also, the point of this was to whittle down debt back in Jrusar.

LAURA: Right, so you want to make it worse?

LIAM: Are you not going back to Jrusar?

TALIESIN: I don't like people trying to kill me, that not part of this fucking deal.

LAURA: Sure, but sometimes you just got to get over the shit and make it better, right?

TALIESIN: No, no, sometimes you just got to hold a fucking grudge.

TRAVIS: Well, he can go back upstairs and look for shit.

TALIESIN: No, no, I'm good to leave, but I think I'm going to have to have some fucking words. Everyone thinks it's good to go, then it's good to fucking go.

MARISHA: All you all right, Ashton? I've never seen you this--

TALIESIN: No.

MARISHA: Okay, all right.

TRAVIS: (deeply) Do they have anything else on you?

TALIESIN: No, I just-- I don't like being lied to, that's all.

LAURA: Do you think this had to do with your lady, or it was just all on this man?

TALIESIN: I think he's just a piece of shit.

MARISHA: It's an interesting point, though. What if she set you up?

TALIESIN: It doesn't sound like her.

SAM: Is there anything else that you could do that would make you feel like you got retribution, or what you're looking for?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: Are you going to punch him in the face?

TALIESIN: Probably.

LAURA: (laughs)

SAM: Well, wait 'til--

MATT: You were notified by Jiana Hexum that an additional bonus to this would be creating or finding or doing something that was significantly embarrassing, whatever that may be interpreted as.

TRAVIS: (deeply) For what it's worth, his bedroom was on the top floor.

TALIESIN: Do you know how to get up there without setting anything off?

TRAVIS: (deeply) I got real fucked up on the way down. (laughter)

TRAVIS: (deeply) So yes. (laughter)

SAM: I think that was us; we did that to you, though.

TRAVIS: (deeply) Goddamn it. (laughter)

TALIESIN: If you all are all right with this, I'd love to just--

SAM: If it's something that you--

TALIESIN: It would make me feel a lot better.

MARISHA: Do what?

TALIESIN: I want to fuck with him real bad.

SAM: (lisped) They need this, let's do it.

LAURA: Then let's destroy his room, let's do something.

TALIESIN: Let's just find something. Let's find something fun.

SAM: In his bedroom, maybe.

TRAVIS: This is where it all goes wrong.

MARISHA: Well, I think if you're going to embarrass somebody, you have to do it to them as a person or the word won't get out.

SAM: (lisped) Unless we can find something--

MARISHA: You got to make it public, exactly.

TRAVIS: Devil's advocate. One of us takes the earring, goes and stands outside by them. Say like, "We're just waiting for the rest of the team, they have the earring." Just in case shit goes wrong while we're fucking around with his bedroom. We can always just go, "Here," and we got it in case--

TALIESIN: How many soldiers did he have with him when he was hanging out outside?

MATT: I mean, he had two initially. And as-- That's all you saw was two.

SAM: (lisped) I can go outside and just stand here with the earring.

TALIESIN: I want his coat.

MARISHA: You want his coat.

TALIESIN: I want his fucking coat.

MARISHA: The one he's actively wearing?

TALIESIN: Yep.

TRAVIS: (deeply) Is that code for something?

LAURA: How are you going to get the coat he's wearing?

TALIESIN: He's going to give to me.

TRAVIS: Mm, mm-hmm.

MARISHA: All right.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: Well, let's go talk to him, let's go.

SAM: How would that embarrass him, though?

TRAVIS: (deeply) Are we going to the bedroom, or are we going to get his coat?

TALIESIN: One or the other.

SAM: (lisped) I think the bedroom has...

LAURA: Maybe you can find another of his coats and come out wearing it.

TALIESIN: That'll do.

SAM: I'm a country Mike Tyson.

LAURA: All right.

MARISHA: You are.

LAURA: Bedroom?

TRAVIS: (deeply) All right.

LAURA: Are you going to go out to the front, then?

SAM: Up to y'all.

TALIESIN: I'd rather have you with us, if that's okay.

SAM: Okay, sure.

MARISHA: He's got the earring.

LIAM: I mean, messing up the bedroom--

TALIESIN: I want to find something.

LIAM: -- is interesting. Yeah, but maybe there's something embarrassing in the bedroom.

MARISHA: Ooh!

TALIESIN: That's-- Yes.

SAM: Kinky stuff.

LIAM: No, I mean, I don't want--

TALIESIN: A diary will do.

SAM: A kinky diary.

TALIESIN: I mean, honestly, a diary would do.

SAM: All right.

MARISHA: Well, do you want some of us to go ahead?

TALIESIN: I mean, I, personally, am a big fan of stick together, but however you want to do this.

SAM: Let's go!

MARISHA: All right.

TRAVIS: I mean, can I-- The journal.

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Just in case his relics are crap, we could just find out real quick. Should just thumb through the journal and see if it's made of magazine coupons and stuff, and it's not actually what it?

MATT: Yeah, you thumb through and-- For a second, I thought I was pulling a Sam, thumb through, but no, it actually is how you pronounce it.

SAM: That's how you say the words?

MATT: Yeah, I was like, "Oh no, it's catching."

LAURA: It felt weird, though.

MATT: It did, it was weird, I didn't like it.

TRAVIS: (like Sylvester the Cat) Sufferin' succotash.

MATT: So glancing through, the phrases you see are quite dark in nature. Discussion of demonic power sources and reaching out to dark entities that wait at the base of every terrible nightmare, taking the power and energy from ley lines at certain points in time to raise demons and the dead. It is some dark stuff.

TRAVIS: Written in Common?

MATT: It is written in Common, yeah.

MARISHA: Interesting.

TRAVIS: (deeply) Looks pretty cool. It's a good poop read. (laughter)

SAM: Some day, maybe I'll have one of those.

TRAVIS: Aw.

LAURA: Aw. We can make you a turtle again anytime you want.

SAM: I would like that.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: (deeply) All right, if we're going to the bedroom, let's go. I'll lead the way.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Can I point out all the things that Macaulay Culkin-ed my ass on the way down?

MATT: Yeah, and they're familiar to some of you. You go to the second floor, and there there are two guest rooms that are themed. One has this illusionary river, a mid-forest theme. The other one that catches your attention, the door now open on the opposite side, has this deep red and gold, very regal playroom vibe to it. Then there's the hallway that leads to the stairs that go up to the bedroom. There's another room that now the door's open as well. Looking inside, with what little bit of low light there is, there's a lantern light, there's a desk, and some sort of an office. There's the staircase that goes up into the third floor where the bedroom is.

TRAVIS: That was like a spiral staircase up to where the bedroom was? Or it wasn't a spiral.

MATT: It wasn't a spiral.

TRAVIS: Okay.

TALIESIN: Office, you say?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: Office?

TRAVIS: We could try the office.

MARISHA: We're following your lead.

TALIESIN: Let's start at the office. Let's just see if there's anything incriminating.

TRAVIS: I saw the guys get sucked up into the ceiling with the goop outside of the door that looked like the bedroom, right? It looked like an opulent--

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: Yeah. Okay, you're going into the third floor or the office?

TALIESIN: I personally say the office.

MARISHA: Yes.

TALIESIN: Do you mind giving me a hand here just before we hit this?

TRAVIS: (deeply) Sure.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: Okay. You head into the office--

TALIESIN: Oh, we're going to check for-- yeah.

MATT: Check for traps?

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Okay. Make a perception or investigation check.

TRAVIS: 16, no guidance, right? Yeah, 16.

MATT: No traps. You do glance through and you can see the room looks like it's been partially tossed already.

TALIESIN: They're not looking for what I'm looking for, though.

MATT: Right, glancing around, you can see there's drawers open, drawers that are closed, there's some scattered papers, there's some books that have been pulled or tested for any sort of secret mechanisms. But what are you looking for?

TALIESIN: First of all, I'm going to check for the really stupid shit. Is there anything taped to the bottom of the desk?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: Can I get a d4 for that?

MATT: There is also--

SAM: Sure.

MATT: -- a snake-like mask that is affixed to one of the walls with a plaque beneath it.

TRAVIS: Snake-like mask. I will try and read the plaque beneath the mask.

MATT: But you can do that in the low light here with the lantern that's lit. It says "Mask of the Serpent: A ceremonial mask used by the acolytes of the Cloaked Serpent between 200 and 300 PD in the islands of the Lucidian Ocean. You can almost feel the dark that seeps through this dark relic..."

MATT and SAM: Dot dot dot.

TALIESIN: 13.

MATT: 13? You don't see anything taped beneath, but you do see the open drawers there is a bottom drawer that is still closed, and you go to pull on it and it's locked.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and pick it.

MATT: Make a pick locks--

SAM: I will Guide you!

TALIESIN: That's a sleight of hand check, isn't it?

LAURA: Are we in his room now?

TRAVIS: No, we're in the office.

TALIESIN: I didn't even bother to check to see if it was trapped, because fuck that, but that's okay, it's a natural 20, so if I'm going to die, I'm going to die.

MATT: A natural 20 plus?

TALIESIN: Plus nine.

TRAVIS: Sleight of hand?

MATT: Fuck. This was a very, very intricate lock.

SAM: Ooh!

MARISHA: Wow.

MATT: You get the sense of the reason that this was still closed and still locked with the room being tossed previously is the troop that had come in here before were unable to open it and abandoned it. But you, through just sheer spite, push through this intricate lock.

TALIESIN: Fuck you, fuck you.

MATT: It clicks and the shelf (squeaks) opens up slightly, a little scraping sound.

TALIESIN: Check for traps before I open it.

SAM: Now check for traps? It's already open!

TALIESIN: I didn't think I would be able to do it.

TRAVIS: Natural one.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: (deeply) Looks fine.

TALIESIN: Okay. Pull it open.

MATT: You pull it open. Inside, you see a stack of papers as well as some letters. Yeah, it looks like a collection of paperwork.

SAM: But what kind?

LAURA: Take it all.

MARISHA: Take it all.

TALIESIN: That'll do. Taking it.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Putting it--

LIAM: Quick aside, Orym has stayed in the hallway and is just listening and watching in case they come for a second round.

MATT: Okay, all right.

MARISHA: ♪ Can we get the fuck out of here? ♪

TALIESIN: I'm ready to get the fuck out of here. I'm good.

LAURA: Are we leaving through the window on this level, or are we going down to that kitchen door?

TALIESIN: Up to you.

MARISHA: We can try it.

TRAVIS: He's out by the front door, right?

SAM: Wait, how did people get in through this window? People had to be small, right?

TALIESIN: They had a rope.

MARISHA: We squeezed through.

MATT: As you pull the papers out, you do see behind it a set of glasses, very, very well made, intricate glasses.

TALIESIN: I'll take them, too, just put them. I'm taking anything that's in there. I'm going to very slowly shut it, and-- Is it possible to lock it again?

MATT: Yes, it is.

TALIESIN: I will lock it again.

MATT: Okay, you lock it again. All right, so you're now on the second floor. The stairs lead up to the bedroom, the stairs lead down to the first floor, and the open chambers lead to where you broke in earlier. What do you guys do?

SAM: Get out. Walk out the front door.

LAURA: I guess, no, because they might have guards posted up. There might still be traps at the front door, right?

TALIESIN: Let's go out the way we came in.

LAURA: Or the door in the kitchen that Fearne found.

TALIESIN: The door in the kitchen is perfect.

LAURA: Yeah, let's go through the door in the kitchen that goes straight out.

TALIESIN: Pass Without a Trace.

MATT: Okay, Pass Without a Trace. All of you, if you'd like to carefully stealth your way through, roll stealth checks, adding the bonus from your Pass Without a Trace.

LIAM: Are the knives all in the places they flew across and stuck?

TALIESIN: Oh, thank god.

MATT: Correct, they are still-- it looks to be a one-use trap.

LIAM: It sprung. One and done.

TRAVIS: 29, plus 10.

MATT: 29, all right, plus 10.

MARISHA: 13 plus 10, so 23.

SAM: 12 plus 10.

MATT: 22.

LAURA: 28 for Fearne, and 17 for Imogen.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: 24.

LAURA: I almost called myself Laudna.

TALIESIN: 18.

MATT: 18, okay. (laughs) See?

SAM: Maybe you should just switch.

MATT: See?

LAURA: Why?

MATT: Just switch characters?

SAM: Because when you feel more like a Laudna.

LAURA: I think it's because it's L-A-U.

MATT: Yeah, it is. It's Laura, Laudna--

TALIESIN: (like Austin Powers) Are you horny, baby? You are. Augh. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Ah! (laughter)

MARISHA: (gargling)

MARISHA: Yes, that I what I do, (gargling). (laughter)

TALIESIN: I don't know why I went there, but there we are.

MATT: It's perfect.

LIAM: You really captured it.

MATT: Yep. As you carefully, quietly head through the dining chamber into the kitchen, past the already sprung magnified bladed trap, there is the back doorway that Fearne had been happily obsessed with previously. You carefully open it and look out into the back of the courtyard. There, you do see there are two guards that have lanterns that are patrolling, but you all rolled pretty decent stealth, and you one-by-one, helping each other find the right pattern between the hedges, between the dark spaces of the outcroppings of short edge stone walls and surfaces that decorate the base floor of this chamber, you carefully, unseen, escape the manor of Evon Hytroga. And that's where we'll take a break.

TRAVIS: Oh man.

SAM: What a heist.

TALIESIN: Fuck that guy.

TRAVIS: We got his taxes.

LAURA: I wonder what's on the paper.

TRAVIS: It all comes back to tax season.

LAURA: It's got to be something good. And the glasses! What are they?

TALIESIN: I know, I'm very glad.

MARISHA: They're like the--

SAM: Invisible ink.

MARISHA: Yeah, invisible ink, you can see.

LAURA: Like instant Identify or something?

MARISHA: Uh-huh, uh-huh. You can see hidden shit.

TALIESIN: That made me feel real good.

TRAVIS: That was fucking fun, Matt.

MARISHA: That was fun!

MATT: That was fun. I'm glad you guys got through it.

SAM: Great campaign.

TRAVIS: And dangerous.

MATT: Oh man, as soon as you left that rod behind, I was like, that definitely holds them at bay, but that becomes their tool. Then once you went in that room, I was like, oh, that's going to--

SAM: Did you get the rod back?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: He did, yeah.

SAM: Yes!

LAURA: That made up for the coin.

TALIESIN: But not the rope. Didn't make up for the rope.

LIAM: Here's your quarterstaff back.

MARISHA: Oh, thank you.

MATT: All right, we'll be back here in a few minutes, and we'll pick up from there. See you in a second.

TRAVIS: Good shit, good shit!

Break
(ominous music) (party music)

LAURA: Hey, critters, Laura Bailey here. Let's see what's up in the Critical Role Shop. (bright music) The cuteness! It's overpowering. I mean The Traveler always says impulse purchases are a good decision. Go ahead darling, treat yourself. (dice rolling) You need this? You probably need this. (dice rolling) Roll an investigation if you want. It's basically perfect. (mouse clicking) And hey, if you want, you could head over to the Critical Role shop right now.

(hopeful music) (whimsical music) (typewriter clicking) (inspirational music)

SAM: Hi critters, Sam Riegel here. There are many relaxing properties to a Twitch subscription to Critical Role, so today I'm going to tell you all about them in soothing ASMR, which stands for autonomous subscription meditative reaction or something. With a Twitch subscription you can watch our VODs immediately after the live broadcast before they're uploaded to YouTube, so you can unwind with us at your own pace. Listen, that's the sound of your blood pressure decreasing. You also get access to all of our custom emotes. And you can post links in chat. Doesn't that sound nice? (squeaks) And speaking of chat, Twitch is the only place to join our live and professionally-moderated chat while watching Critical Role. So snuggle up with some cocoa and let the calm flow through those fingers, critters. I'm whispering from really far away. And if you're an Amazon Prime member you get one free Twitch subscription to a channel of your choice through Prime Gaming, so why not use that tranquil little freebie on a Critical Role subscription? Just remember to resubscribe every month. Am I doing this right? Or, oh, sorry. Am I doing this right? You can also gift subscriptions to fellow critters. So what are you waiting for, start spreading that sweet serenity with a Twitch subscription to Critical Role. It's like a warm blanket. Oh, oh hold on, hold on. It's my proctologist, just give me a second, okay. Hello, hello. Oh hey doc, yeah, what's up? What do you mean more teeth? I thought you got rid of them all. Well no, don't tell me to relax. I'm the one with teeth up my-- (calm music) Subscribe. (calm music)

Part II
MATT: And welcome back. So, as you all have exited the manor of Mr. Evon Hytroga. You have survived, barely, the trials and tribulations of the Twilight Mirror Museum. You have, in your grasp, the decided artifact that you were meant to retrieve, and left your competition in your-- I don't want to say dust. In your charcoal?

LIAM: Flour.

MATT: But as you step beyond the building, what do you do?

TALIESIN: Who wants to find a new hotel?

LAURA: Well, we need to give him the earring.

MARISHA: To complete the quest.

TALIESIN: We have to give him the earring?

LAURA: Yes.

TALIESIN: We can't just take it?

MARISHA: We've got to go back to the marker.

LAURA: No, we have to prove that we did it.

TALIESIN: Ah, fuck, all right.

SAM: Are all the other things that we purloined safely hidden?

TRAVIS: If we've come out and successfully not been seen yet, I'll (grunting) Oh, yes. Oh, baby.

SAM: Does that make you feel better to be in this state?

TRAVIS: Oh man, yeah.

SAM: So the other state hurts?

TRAVIS: No, it's actually hot both ways. (laughter)

SAM: All right.

TRAVIS: The old in-out, in-out.

LAURA: Oh, wow.

TRAVIS: Of form, transformation, what are you talking about? (laughter)

MARISHA: Do we see what's-his-name?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: What is his name?

MATT: As you guys have made a path towards the front of it. No Estani.

MARISHA: Or no, Evon. Evon Hytroga.

SAM: Evon Hytroga!

MATT: You see the two guards there and he's currently sitting in a chair towards the front of the house where he first gave the, "Go!" You all rushed off and he's just in the process of almost emery boarding the end of his fingernails and just waiting on his own.

TRAVIS: Do we kill the guards first and then give him his earrings? Like a true test? No.

MARISHA: I would like to go for full completion.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we just open up the carotid on either side. Create a co-fountain of gore and then hand him his earring back?

MARISHA: That sounds beautiful. You are such an artist.

TALIESIN: I like running everything to 100% completion. I think that's a good call.

TRAVIS: I'm going to platinum this check.

TALIESIN: Yeah!

LIAM: Well, after, I probably got to go for Hytroga.

TRAVIS: That's true.

SAM: Good evening!

TALIESIN: Aw, fuck.

MATT: "Ha, ha, ha!"

SAM: Smiley night to ya. (laughter)

MATT: "To you as well. Have you given up? Are you trotting off?"

LAURA: Why no, we've succeeded.

MATT: "Have you now? Well then, show me what you've acquired."

LIAM: Sing for our supper, FCG.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Is it time?

TALIESIN: It is time.

SAM: (gags) (gags)

MATT: "Oh, oh no, no, no."

SAM: (gags)

MATT: "I'm all right."

SAM: (gags) (vomits)

MATT: "It's a wet bag."

SAM: Oh.

TALIESIN: It's oil.

SAM: There's stuff in it.

MATT: "That is oil."

SAM: Hold out your hand. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

MATT: A bunch of magnets, and indeed. "Let me see that."

SAM: Oh, it could have been a decoy. We never really actually checked it.

MATT: Pulls out a small cylindrical, metallic device that is filled with a series of lenses that layer within different colors. He puts it to his.

TALIESIN: Fuck, I want one of those.

MATT: "Hm."

SAM: It was a difficult task, but we--

LAURA: Well...

SAM: For some, but not for us. Bells Hells. It was quite... not hard.

TRAVIS: Currently available for future engagements.

SAM: Currently available for paid engagements and bar mitzvahs.

MATT: "Mm... I'm surprised and quite impressed by what you've achieved this eve. But I'm an individual that likes to keep my failures under wraps. Guards, kill them."

MARISHA: (gasps)

MATT: "I'm kidding, I'm entirely kidding." (sighs of relief)

MATT: "That was just a joke, I am. Ha, ha, ha."

TALIESIN: Oh, that's good, because I was about to charge you real hard.

MATT: "Look at their faces! Oh, ho, hoo, hoo. No, very impressive, very impressive."

LIAM: You got to be careful who you try that joke on.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I don't know, man. I'm very jumpy.

MATT: "Oh, this. Well, I guess my next question is, did you enjoy the museum, hm?"

MARISHA: I did, actually. I thought that was quite fun. I liked how deadly it was.

MATT: "Ooh, yeah!"

MARISHA: Is it normally that...

MATT: "No, well, I have my security protocols but I made some additions in the discussion with Hexum to ensure that this was sufficient enough of a challenge given the elements at stake."

SAM: Where and how did you acquire all the exhibits? The items that you show.

MATT: "Oh, I've traveled Exandria. I've met many individuals. I have spent quite a bit of coin and earned a number of these fantastic artifacts that I wish to share with the world, and tonight with you. Such as this delightful earring."

TRAVIS: You know, we tried to stay on the task at hand but that spear that was in one of those rooms.

MATT: "Ooh, hoo, hoo. A magnificent artifact."

TRAVIS: We didn't really get to read or check that one out. Again, we were focused. What was that?

MATT: "Well, if you want to pay admission tomorrow and go see, you're more than welcome to."

TRAVIS: We've got to pay admission?

MATT: "I have to run a business here. It's a museum. If you didn't take a moment, you can always come back tomorrow."

TRAVIS: I just figure we represent word of mouth, you know? Like, we could act as free advertising.

TALIESIN: These things are hard to keep up and running. That's fair.

LAURA: You might need to take a day to clean up in there, though.

SAM: The other team made quite some...

TALIESIN: Those dragons do a lot of, those lion things, there's a lot of fire damage.

LAURA: You really should've checked out what damage those traps did to your place.

LIAM: Yeah, it didn't really fit the non-deadly category.

MATT: "You all survived, didn't you?"

TRAVIS: Yeah, but most of the artifacts didn't.

MARISHA: They're also actively--

MATT: "What?"

TRAVIS: I'm just kidding. Ah, I gotcha!

MATT: "Oh! Oh! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha." (laughter)

TALIESIN: Hopefully you will humiliate the other team pretty solidly once they eventually figure out that they've just been running around doing nothing, I would hope.

MATT: "Well, if indeed they have failed this endeavor, in the shadow of what you've achieved then they will be shown."

LAURA: How could they succeed the endeavor when we just took it, right?

MATT: "No, they won't. They will go home with their tail between their legs and Lady Sabanis will be quite unhappy to discover that she lost. While, mind you, I may have lost elements of my arrangement with these two, I also still won, because one of them lost."

TALIESIN: That's a nice way of looking at it.

MATT: "It's a moderate victory as opposed to a complete victory. So I am quite happy and very proud, very proud. Well done, well done."

TRAVIS: Did we get their group name? Did we get the name of the other?

MARISHA: It was something really--

SAM: The Verdict!

LAURA: Oh yeah, it was such a good name.

SAM: It's really good.

TALIESIN: Sharp name.

SAM: Did we ever find out what this earring is or does? Did we?

TALIESIN: Other than winning the contest, I don't know what else it really--

MATT: "Oh, it has quite a sordid history. (chuckles)"

TALIESIN: I mean...

TRAVIS: We're all ears.

MATT: "Indeed. And should you pay admission to the museum in the morrow. You might be able to learn all about it as I give personal tours on occasion. (chuckles)"

TRAVIS: Personal tours.

TALIESIN: Well, let's... I mean, do we have to do anything to ensure that Hexum knows that we got the ring? Do we have to--

MATT: "I'll make sure that she knows. When you return to her, I'll relay your message as well."

LAURA: I can also let her know in the morning.

TALIESIN: Perfect.

MATT: "Indeed, that may be the best move to do so. I will, upon being reached out to by her or a representative, will corroborate what you've achieved this evening. I am a man of my word, at the very least. Good job, good job. Well done, well done."

MARISHA: Fearne goes.

SAM: Oh, is that what's happening?

MARISHA: (as Fearne) Did we win a prize?

LAURA: Oh yeah, good idea.

MARISHA: (as Fearne) From you? (as Marisha) That sounded.

MATT: "You know--"

SAM: No, that's good, that's good.

MATT: "Actually." He sits up and takes a step back.

SAM: I think so.

MATT: Pulls a device out of his robe interior. It's this awesome, oval, almost a hand mirror that has this unique scrolling on each side. He goes ahead and holds it up, and looks at the rest of you. Looks at it. "Very well, um, follow me." He heads towards the front of the building.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: He puts his hands into the air towards it and the front doors of his manor. (creaking) Open to reveal the interior foyer where the rugs still sit over the statues. He goes, "I'll have to get this cleaned. Anyway, right there." You see there's, of all the multitudes of framed paintings that are upon the walls there is one up there that shows this desert landscape with silken flags across it. He goes and takes the strange hand mirror device and waves it quickly in that direction, and shakes it like an Etch-a-Sketch. You watch as the painting shimmers and changes. There, you see the group of you seven all looking confused in his direction at the front of the manor. He goes, "There, see. Your prize is immortality, here at my Mirror Museum."

TRAVIS: Oh my god!

LAURA: That's your face in front of all the pictures.

MATT: "You've noticed."

TRAVIS: Oh, it's a fucking selfie.

MARISHA: Oh my god, we just took a selfie.

MATT: "Until the next individuals who decide to present the proper challenge do a better job, you are the first and the only ones to traverse the dangers and mysteries at night. Maybe I'll turn this into an annual event. (chuckling)"

MARISHA: All right.

TALIESIN: That'll do.

LAURA: Well, thanks.

MATT: "Of course." All of you, by the way, just look wrecked in it. You're all just bloody and just like, huh?

SAM: Ashton, is there anything else that you needed from--

TALIESIN: No, I'm good. I feel satisfied. This was-- (sighs) This was tough. I feel like we really proved ourselves. I'm good. I need some sleep.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: "Then go, sleep the sleep of the victory. I will await the losing team and notify them of their loser status and take a secondary picture that will go in the loser portion of the wall over there." There's a terrible frame with a big old thumbs down next to it. (laughter) "I think that is where they will reside."

SAM: Will they suffer any other consequences, or will they, you know?

MATT: "They'll be dealt with."

SAM: What does that mean?

MATT: "(laughs) No, just-- what? This is a museum, it's not a murder house."

TALIESIN: No, no, it's funny.

MATT: "Anyway, (clears throat) out of my house. I'm going to wait for the others to return. Hopefully before sunrise. I'd like to get some sleep myself. Bye! Leave."

SAM: So long.

LAURA: Bye.

TRAVIS: We leave.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, we're out.

LIAM: We walk away.

LAURA: Do we walk over to the place we stayed?

TRAVIS: No!

TALIESIN: I think we find another place.

LAURA: Should we rest outside of town?

TRAVIS: We've got a bunch of his shit.

SAM: Oh yeah.

LAURA: Should we head out of town?

LIAM: You think they might retaliate?

TRAVIS: They're going to be pissed.

TALIESIN: Pissed as fuck.

SAM: He doesn't know that we took it. What if the other group took it?

TALIESIN: The other group didn't. He knows the other group didn't.

SAM: But what if they did?

LAURA: I still think we should probably leave town as fast--

SAM: What are you talking about? How are we going to-- Don't we get a prize for this?

LAURA: Well, when we get back to--

MARISHA: From what's-her-face.

SAM: But wait, there's other things to do in town.

LAURA: Like what?

TRAVIS: Wasn't there a-- You said there was a toy-- Like a toy maker or something?

LAURA: Oh, that's right, that you wanted to talk to.

SAM: Yeah, what was his name? Er-- er-- er-- Ee-- Er--

TALIESIN: I'm just saying, we sleep at a different hotel.

LAURA: All right, well, maybe we could stay at.

TRAVIS: Etan's Square--

LAURA: Maybe we could stay at--

TRAVIS: Blue Herald's.

TALIESIN: This isn't my town.

TRAVIS: Fucking, what was the name of the goddamn place?

LAURA: At Estani's house. Maybe we could stay at Estani's house for a night.

TALIESIN: That's a really good idea.

TRAVIS: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

TALIESIN: Right there.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's good.

LAURA: Let's go see if we can sleep there.

LIAM: Do we want to risk anyone coming down on us while we're there? I like your first idea a bit better.

LAURA: Outside of town?

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we can do that, too.

LAURA: But we'll come back in the morning. We can't just--

LIAM: Yeah, less time in town the better.

TALIESIN: Well slept. I'd feel better if I'm well slept.

LIAM: I don't know. Would you want his house raided?

LAURA: Definitely not.

TRAVIS: I mean, actually, all we have is this fucking journal. So, if it turns out to be dog shit we can just get rid of it.

TALIESIN: It ain't dog shit.

SAM: No, we don't just have the journal we have the papers.

TALIESIN: And the glasses.

TRAVIS: Oh yes! Whew. Ignore me.

TALIESIN: I keep trying. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Another hotel, then. The other side of town.

LAURA: All right, I don't know if there is another hotel in town.

LIAM: It's a small town, isn't it?

LAURA: Yeah, I think we asked about it and this is the one.

LIAM: And we stand out.

MARISHA: We could just go camping.

TRAVIS: Yeah, let's go camping, let's go in the woods.

LIAM: Grab the horses and go.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh, the horses.

TALIESIN: Whatever's left of them.

TRAVIS: I've been meaning to tell you.

TALIESIN: Or we take shifts if we have to.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Okay, yeah.

TALIESIN: I don't know, I feel nervous, but okay.

LIAM: I just don't want anything to happen to Rabbit.

TALIESIN: No.

LIAM: Let's go camping.

TRAVIS: Let's go camping!

TALIESIN: Camping.

TRAVIS: We could have one of the horses for dinner.

LAURA: No!

TRAVIS: What?

MATT: So, you are retrieving the horses from the stable at roughly 4:00am.

LAURA: That's what I mean.

MATT: To go camping out on the outskirts of town?

LIAM: No, no, no.

MATT: I mean, I'm asking--

TRAVIS: Yeah, we could just hoof it out of town, post up in some bush.

LAURA: Would it take a long time to do that? To get out of town on foot and camp outside of it?

MATT: Not terribly long.

LIAM: Not too far off. Just try to--

MATT: You can't camp in the town. Guards will tell you to move along. But if you get far enough out of the town, you can. You do leave the protection of the town, which means there will likely have to be a watch just in case and a chance of whatever dangers exist out there, but your call.

LAURA: All right, yeah, let's try that.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: One risk for another.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I prefer this risk.

MATT: Okay, who is looking for a safe spot to bed down for the night?

LAURA: I will look for that.

LIAM: A survival-y thing, right?

MARISHA: I'll assist Imogen. We are good at this.

MATT: All right, one of you make a survival check with advantage or both of you make it.

LAURA: 16?

MATT: 16, not too bad.

LAURA: Fearne guided me, though.

MATT: Yay! Yep, that makes sense.

LIAM: (like Fearne) That got weird.

TALIESIN: (like Fearne) That looks pretty.

LAURA: 17.

MATT: 17? All righty.

TALIESIN: (like Fearne) It doesn't look like it'll kill us at all.

MATT: No more than maybe a 10-minute jaunt beyond the outskirts of the hills and natural platforms that the city was built upon. You are now in the center of the boggy heart of the Heartmoor. So finding a place to comfortably bed down is challenging since a lot of it is either underwater or spongy, sodden, wet earth and moss. You do find, in a circle of old trees that died long ago from some sort of a plant disease that are mostly crumpled and hollowed out in one of these larger trees where it has fallen inward, it looks like there is signs of a camp that was once set there. You can see where stones have been arranged to be a fire pit and there are some black scarring of a fire that was once there. You think of all the places you've found this would be the most comfortable places to camp. It has been previously used for that purpose, so. Y'all manage to gather this, set your things down. Right as you all start getting comfortable, the sky begins to get lighter, and lighter, and lighter. By the time you are about to actually go to sleep the sun has risen and the day has begun.

MARISHA: Oh boy.

MATT: But you are all exhausted, so sleep won't necessarily be challenging. But it will be easier to see what's out there, and likely not as dangerous in the sense of sleeping amongst nocturnal hunters and the like. So who wants to take the first watch? You know what? We'll say this is a singular watch for this.

SAM: Great.

MATT: Mm-hmm, go ahead and roll perception.

LIAM: 23 for me.

MATT: 23. You all eventually get to sleep. It is warm, it is muggy, it is uncomfortable, but what would have kept you awake out of discomfort is heavily overridden by the physical exhaustion you feel and the need to just recover. No issue.

TRAVIS: Long rest?

MATT: Long rest.

TRAVIS: We made it! (tired cheering)

SAM: Wow.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

LIAM: Hammer that button.

LAURA: I've hitting it on Fearne.

MATT: Yeah, Fearne as well.

TALIESIN: Oh wow. It was getting very iffy there.

LAURA: Yeah. All spells depleted.

SAM: (robot voice) All spells depleted.

LIAM: (coughs)

TALIESIN: Bless you.

MATT: The early afternoon wakes you in a warm, humid environment. You are sweating through your armor or whatever else you wear upon yourself. The heavy sound of morning bugs definitely catches your attention and you can feel that sticky sort of residue on the inside of your shoes and your boots where both the sweat from the night and whatever else you've stepped into making your path to the space has settled in and created a mush with every step. But what would you like to do?

LIAM: Everyone's hair is a state.

TALIESIN: It's almost always this way.

LAURA: Prestidigitation. Prestidigitation.

LIAM: Yassify.

LAURA: Yassify!

TRAVIS: We should take a look at our stuff.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm going to grab the glasses.

LAURA: Oh, there it is!

TALIESIN: Yep, there?

LIAM: (laughs)

MATT: That is nightmarish.

MARISHA: Like I'm made of fillers.

TALIESIN: Ah!

MARISHA: Like, just. Molded in plastic.

TALIESIN: It's like you're wearing a Joker mask.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: (creepy laugh)

LIAM and LAURA: Love that Joker.

LAURA: Should we have FCG check out the glasses?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: Watch out, watch out.

TALIESIN: Pull them out of my bag.

LIAM: Or, it doesn't conflict, are we going to un-blue you?

SAM: De-blue you?

MARISHA: Hmm.

LAURA: Oh, we can just do that?

LIAM: Well, FCG thinks they have a trick for it, right?

SAM: I could try something, I don't know 100% if it'll work. But I think it might. Would you like me to un-blue you?

LAURA: I mean, yeah, we don't need to be sneaky anymore, right?

TRAVIS: Do it! Come on! Treat yourself!

LAURA: Sure.

SAM: All right. I'm going to try a spell on you that will make you feel quite odd. Just for a bit.

LAURA: All right?

SAM: Just for a bit. It might feel a little funky. It might, yeah.

LAURA: It might what?

SAM: No, no, it's going to work. It's going to work. I just-- Yeah, you're a very sensitive... You're very psychically sensitive, so if I go inside your mind, you might, you know...

LAURA: Oh, it will be like our mind meld that we did?

SAM: A little bit, a little bit.

LAURA: All right.

SAM: Yeah, so I'm going to cast Remove Curse.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And hope that it works.

MATT: Okay. As you connect in that same ephemeral mind state where you have previously bonded, in that centered space, you do sense the anchoring of some wayward enchantment you do sense the anchoring of some wayward enchantment of a cursed nature that sits within her person. As soon as you find it, you will whatever it is that gives you the divine magic that you wield and use it to unroot this particular curse and as it does, you feel this fizzing sensation through your body and as it travels from your lower extremities, pass through your chest, up through your head, you all watch as that deep blue, that dark navy coloration escapes her with a large belch, and she is restored to her previous color.

SAM: Let me just to make sure it worked. I'm going to cast Detect Thoughts and go as deep as I can.

TRAVIS: (gasps)

MATT: Okay. (laughter)

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Just slipping this one in?

LAURA: What do you want?

SAM: I'm just searching around to see if there's anything else weird with you. You've been acting real funky lately.

LAURA: What are you talking about? I'm not acting funky.

MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw.

SAM: Oh, what the hell was that?

LAURA: Well, it landed on a 19.

SAM: That beats me.

MATT: Like an iron trap, as soon as you try and pierce in, you immediately feel resistance and are shut out from the deeper thoughts of Imogen.

SAM: This wasn't caused by any other strange rooted magics, was it? Anything, like even... You've just been acting real funky lately.

LAURA: I appreciate the effort, FCG, of trying to do that, but don't ever do it again without my permission, all right?

SAM: Yes, ma'am. Sorry. It's just you've been a little bit on edge lately, is all.

LAURA: You know, things are funny. We're dealing with some funny things. That's all.

LIAM: They're just staring at each other.

LAURA: Very, very slightly. I going to glance down at my pocket and then back up at you. Almost imperceptibly. I don't know if you saw it.

SAM: I almost didn't.

MATT: You have a passive perception of 16. You probably saw it.

LAURA: True.

SAM: I'm sorry I probed, ma'am, but just wanted to make sure you're okay. That's all.

LAURA: Thanks for checking.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: Have a smiley day.

SAM: That's my line. Hey!

TRAVIS: "And he cracked the seal that poured upon Tal'Dor--" Oh, this journal's amazing. (laughter)

TRAVIS: All the sex is so graphic. (laughter)

MARISHA: Laudna is just listening intently. Keep going.

TRAVIS: There were bosoms galore.

MARISHA: What?!

SAM: Bosoms galore?

LIAM: (like Chetney) Six hundred and sixty six!

LAURA: Ashton?

TALIESIN: I've fought bosoms galore. If you want to stay--

LAURA: Would you like me to send a message to?

TALIESIN: Yeah, to Ms. Hexum, that might be a good idea, just to get that out of the way.

LAURA: Let her know that we found and we--

TALIESIN: No matter what he says.

LIAM: Congrats.

TALIESIN: Well, we'll get back.

MARISHA: You didn't punch him in the face.

TALIESIN: No.

LIAM: Mixed messages, right?

TALIESIN: I punched him in the locked desk cabinet. That honestly'll hurt more.

LAURA: Wait, really? What? Wait. Oh, unlimited.

MARISHA: I'm curious.

TALIESIN: I am, too. Which reminds me, glasses.

SAM: Oh me?

TALIESIN: I'm tossing these.

SAM: Oh, hi. Yeah. I'll cast Identify. (mechanical buzzes)

MATT: Okay.

SAM: On the glasses.

MATT: Glancing at them, they have an enchantment within them that is utilized to every now and then attempt to garnish that is utilized to every now and then attempt to garnish temporary affection from whoever they might be looking upon. They're referred to as Eyes of Charming.

LAURA: A temporary affection?

SAM: So if you wear these, you can charm someone that you're looking at.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Cool. (laughter)

SAM: Just like the ones you wear. As your character.

LIAM: Not till now.

MARISHA: Uh-oh!

SAM: Would you like these?

TALIESIN: Yes, please.

SAM: You know. I will say, you with glasses might look a little-- Well, let's see.

TALIESIN: I know where you power down. Thank you. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Where you power down. (laughter)

SAM: Can you put them on?

TRAVIS: What about the papers?

TALIESIN: Take a look. Who wants to? I pull them out of my backpack.

LAURA: I'm sending.

MARISHA: Yeah, you're doing your message.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: They are blank.

LAURA: Use the glass-- oh.

TALIESIN: Are they enchanted?

SAM: I don't know.

LAURA: They've got to be.

TALIESIN: Are we out?

MATT: Make an arcana check if you want to try.

SAM: Sure, I'll look at arcana. Oh boy. Four. Nope.

MATT: No fucking clue.

SAM: It says I have advantage. Why do I have advantage?

LAURA: Hold on.

LIAM: Turn it.

SAM: "Advantage on arcana checks meant to reveal information about a creature or object you can see?" That's everything. Advantage.

MATT: Arcana check is still arcane-based information, so yeah.

SAM: 10.

MATT: 10? You're not quite sure. Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try one little thing.

SAM: How many glasses do we have?

TALIESIN: I'm going to put on the glasses. I don't think I can charm the paperwork, but I'll make an attempt. First, I'm just going to take a corner and I'm going to try and very gently tear a corner.

MATT: It does not tear.

TRAVIS: It does not tear?

TALIESIN: We got something.

TRAVIS: It's a stack of papers?

MATT: It's a stack of papers, looks like folded letters. There's a small leather bound, thin ledger. They're all like-- It's a collection of different sourced paperwork, but it's all blank.

LIAM: (as Caleb) High quality.

TALIESIN: That means-- You can't tear an enchantment, and that means there's something here.

MARISHA: You know, maybe Lady Hexum will--

TALIESIN: Oh, she'll be very happy.

MARISHA: -- have something to help with this.

LAURA: Gosh, I wish we could know what was on them, though.

TALIESIN: I mean...

MATT: Either a high arcana check or an Identify spell would be the way to do that. But...

SAM: Identify it tomorrow.

TALIESIN: Yeah, leave that for tomorrow.

LAURA: All right, I'm sending Lady Hexum a message.

MATT: All right, what do you send?

LAURA: Bells Hells won. We're heading back to Jrusar.

MATT: That's it?

SAM: So efficient.

MATT: Very quickly after the fact--

TRAVIS: Who are you?

MATT: -- the voice comes in. "Well, that's wonderful news. I'm excited to hear the exploits and anything in addition. Tell Ashton: Good boy."

LAURA: She seems pleased.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I figured. That'll go over very well.

TRAVIS: Before we do anything else. Like a true asshole, I just thumb all the way through the journal to the very last page of writing and see what it says.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I'm looking over his shoulder.

TRAVIS: The end of the book, that's where you start.

LIAM: The spoilers?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Ain't got time for this shit.

MATT: The end of the book... It begins to become a bit repetitive. The passages begin to feel a bit rushed, and the terminology begins to just sounding like-- "And then the demons came, and then blood was from the sky of dark lightning. All was awful as the dark gods, and..."

LIAM: Book report is due.

TRAVIS: Dot, dot, dot?

MATT: There are a few ellipses in there.

TRAVIS: No, not ellipses!

LIAM: At least does the book, at least, end in a period?

MATT: Three.

LAURA: Three.

TALIESIN: Okay. (laughter)

LAURA: Wow, he wrote it himself?

TALIESIN: I showed you what to do, just a gentle tear.

TRAVIS: I reach out to the last page and I try to tear it.

MATT: (paper tearing)

TRAVIS: No! You bastard!

LIAM: Punctuation is for cowards.

TALIESIN: Well... Even having an interesting fake thing can be useful on occasion.

MARISHA: That is true.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: Also, it sticks it to him a little harder, right?

TALIESIN: Yeah. He'll have to have another one made.

TRAVIS: Do we give it back to him?

TALIESIN: No.

LAURA: What do you need to do in town now? You need to go to the toy maker.

TRAVIS: I mean, you got to stop by a toy shop, if you're in town.

LAURA: Was there anything else we needed to do in town?

LIAM: Yeah, what are we doing? We've messaged Hexum. Do we need to report back? Are we traveling back to Jrusar?

TALIESIN: I think we at least need to drop something off unless we have a stop on the way? I thought we had a stop on the way.

LAURA: The only thing I want to do is very far.

SAM: What's that?

LIAM: Yios.

TALIESIN: Well, let's collect some money.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm very ready to take a trip.

LAURA: Maybe we can get on an airship?

TALIESIN: Ooh! That could be fun.

LIAM: Pretty great.

MARISHA: I guess there's no reason to go back to Estani's, right?

LAURA: I mean. I don't think so. I think we learned everything we could from him.

MARISHA: Okay. All right. To the toy store!

TALIESIN: And then to the horses.

TRAVIS: I take the journal and I just fucking chuck it.

MARISHA: No!

TALIESIN: No! (laughter)

MARISHA: I go and I sludge it out of the swamp.

MATT: Yeah, it is thoroughly swamped.

MARISHA: It looks even cooler now.

TRAVIS: It's a fake. What if his guard searches and it's on us?

MARISHA: These are very good crafting materials.

LIAM: Plus, we could be bored to death around a campfire for weeks.

LAURA: That's true. Think of all the scrapbooking you could do with that, Laudna.

LIAM: Flair for the dramatic, or dramatic readings.

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: Like Ashton said, perhaps this will come in handy later when we need to convince somebody of some dark dealings.

TALIESIN: We thought it was real. Someone else will.

TRAVIS: Interesting. All right.

TALIESIN: Dot, dot, dot. (laughter)

TRAVIS: The curse has been transferred.

LIAM: All right, so we're carefully stealthing back into town.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: On a toy run.

LAURA: Try to get--

TRAVIS: Is it really just that?

LIAM: And horses.

TRAVIS: And horses.

LAURA: Yeah, we got to get the horses.

TRAVIS: How about you get the horses, and I'll creep to the toy store.

TALIESIN: We'll meet at the toy store.

MATT: Yeah. You know you did overpay for the tavern, too. You guys paid for a week of staying there.

LAURA: Oh, yeah, well.

TALIESIN: All right.

TRAVIS: We already paid? We did pay.

MATT: You paid in advance and all that, yeah.

TRAVIS: I'll go to the toy store and I'll meet you at the horses. I just want to check up and see what the latest--

SAM: Need some backup?

TRAVIS: -- latest-- Nah, it's a toy store.

TALIESIN: Take a buddy.

TRAVIS: Okay. Who wants to go to the toy store, and be fulfilled artistically.

LIAM: I pull out my little wooden pen knife and go: You and me.

TRAVIS: All right. Man of culture.

TALIESIN: Keep the book out of sight. I'm going to take the glasses off.

TRAVIS: I don't have it. It's with her.

TALIESIN: All right, well, I'm going to put the glasses away.

MARISHA: I awkwardly hide it in my blouse and tuck it in my skirt.

LIAM: It's twice as wide as she is.

TRAVIS: It just falls right through.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

MATT: All right, so the rest of you--

LAURA: (Fearne) You can put it in--

MARISHA: Oh yes, I hide it in Fearne's haunch. Yes.

LIAM: Kangaroo pouch?

MARISHA: In her marsupial pouch.

LAURA: That'd be amazing. Can that be canon?

LIAM: It is now. Sorry, Ash.

LAURA: Can she have just a little pouch?

SAM: She has a pouch?

LIAM: Yep.

SAM: A marsupial pouch?

LIAM: That's where Mister goes when he disappears.

LAURA: Oh my god.

SAM: That's canon. Sorry, Ashley.

TALIESIN: Stuffed animal will happen.

MATT: So the two of you are heading over to Knot Forgotten?

TRAVIS: That was the toy store, yes, Knot Forgotten--

MATT: It's the antique and knickknack store.

TRAVIS: That was it, right?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: All right, while the rest of you begin to acquire the horses to eventually shove off, the two of you head over towards the shop. As you arrive, the interior is, in the middle of the day, not crowded at all. There are no other patrons at the moment, and across the way, in the process of trading out some of the goods into boxes and restocking one portion of the interior with either repaired or updated knickknacks, you see the very old dwarven woman who hasn't noticed your entry yet, who is just like--

TRAVIS: I just stop inside the door. Close your eyes and just take in the smell. (inhaling)

LIAM: I check the street behind us, and then I close my eyes.

TRAVIS: (exhales)

MATT: Make a perception check.

LIAM: Oh, not that great. 15.

MATT: 15, okay. Yeah, the only thing you notice, of all the people there, you do see in the center of the square Estani, just walking in the direction of where the inn was.

TRAVIS: Who?

LAURA: Estani. Oh, Estani!

MATT: Estani, yeah. Towards the inn where you guys were staying. So yeah, she's putting stuff away.

TRAVIS: I'm so sorry. Is this your establishment?

MATT: "Oh, why yes it is."

TRAVIS: It is absolutely beautiful in here.

MATT: "I appreciate you having an eye for good work."

TRAVIS: I do. I do. Especially that of the wooden variety. In here, is it mostly wood? Are there varieties of wooden knickknacks and toys?

MATT: There are a variety of different knickknacks and objects and toys that are built from different materials. You see porcelain elements. You see things that are carved of pewter.

LIAM: So it's toys and tchotchkes?

MATT: Yeah, it is very much a toy and tchotchke place. But I'd say about half of them are wood and fairly decent in the craftsmanship.

LIAM: Wow.

TRAVIS: I have a keen eye for superior craftsmanship. Is there anything beyond the marionettes that I see? Any boats, horses, animals, buildings, anything of the toy variety that I could take?

MATT: There are a number of all that. There are all sorts of creatures. You see a cute version of a wyvern, wings open with big eyes. You see there are a cluster of horses running, but they're all attached at the hip. It's one piece of wood that was carved into multiple horses. You see a piece of driftwood that eventually merges into a flying eagle, like something you'd see in an airport. Yeah, it's all manner of that.

TRAVIS: I go over to the wyvern piece and take it. Are there any initials or numbers carved on it? Any sort of marking from the maker?

MATT: You do see the signature on the back has a ZI carved in the bottom.

TRAVIS: This is a brilliant, brilliant piece. Do you know of its origin?

MATT: "Well, I made that myself."

TRAVIS: Oh!

MATT: "You shopping for a grandchild?"

TRAVIS: No, no, I myself am a toymaker--

MATT: "Oh, really?"

TRAVIS: I just appreciate the work that's in here. How much for the wyvern?

MATT: "Oh, that will put you back about-- It is one solid piece, and it took me quite some time. I'd say eight silver."

TRAVIS: Eight silver, it's a gold. Take it.

MATT: "Oh goodness me, thank you, thank you kindly."

TRAVIS: Well-done, just absolutely flawless.

MATT: "Thank you."

TRAVIS: Hold this. Some of these other pieces-- do you just receive them from passers-by or have you always been here? Where did you learn your trade?

MATT: "Quite a ways away, far, far to the north. Place called Uthodurn. That was where my family was from, and I needed to change my trajectory in life, not more than maybe 20 years back."

TRAVIS: Did you say Uthodurn?

MATT: "Yeah, it's a much colder place than here in the Wilds. (chuckles)"

TRAVIS: It is. It is.

LIAM: A long way aways.

MATT: "My apologies, I'm just putting some stuff away."

TRAVIS: In your time in Uthodurn, you didn't ever happen to come across a fiend-- a fellow named Oltgar, did you?

MATT: "How do you know about Oltgar?" (laughter)

TRAVIS: I would ask you the same question. My hand moves to my chisel.

MATT: Her hand seems to move towards the side of her dress.

LAURA: What?!

LIAM: Uh--

TRAVIS: To be clear, I have no love for Oltgar.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

LIAM: Can I assist?

MATT: No.

LAURA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Eight.

LAURA: Oh no.

MARISHA: Oh shit!

TRAVIS: It was not great.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

MATT: Her hand clenches at her hip, almost like it's a cocked hip, but you can't see where the hand is. "Yet, here you are. You found me. Just mighty fine bit of circumstance."

TRAVIS: Crazy how this world works.

MATT: "Mm-hmm."

TRAVIS: My eyes darting around, darting around.

LAURA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Perhaps it's best that you and I just forget that we ever met.

MATT: "I think that's a proper path to walk."

TRAVIS: You don't have any plans on heading back that way, do you?

MATT: "(sniffs) Never."

TRAVIS: Good. How much for the eagle coming out of the driftwood? (laughter)

MATT: "It's not for sale." (sympathetic groaning)

TRAVIS: (uncertain noise) And I wanted to leave so bad.

LAURA: Oh no.

LIAM: Chet?

TRAVIS: Huh? Oh, yes?

LIAM: We good?

TRAVIS: We are! Thank you, again.

MATT: Her arm relaxes.

TRAVIS: Store's lovely.

MATT: "Thank you kindly."

TRAVIS: We can go.

LIAM: Thank you.

MATT: As you exit, she shouts towards your back, "If you ever see him, tell him Zadro keeps a blade just in case."

MARISHA: Zandru.

SAM: Zandru?

TRAVIS: Zadro.

SAM: Oh, Zadro.

MATT: Zadro is her name.

MARISHA: Zadro.

TRAVIS: Zadro Kithen?

MATT: Ichlen. "And he is not welcome!"

TRAVIS: I leave.

LIAM: What the hell was that? What the hell was that?

TRAVIS: (gasps) Oh shit!

LIAM: Does that happen in every toy store you go into? (laughter)

TRAVIS: Who's going to stop me? Stop me or I'm going to open her up! (gasps)

LIAM: I take him by the elbow and I just start fast walking him--

TRAVIS: Let's go!

LIAM: Subtly away.

TRAVIS: Let's get out of here! Mm! (laughter)

TRAVIS: Mm-mm! You have to know--

LIAM: You don't know her? You just walked into a place halfway across the world and that happens?

TRAVIS: No, Oltgar is the worst, the worst kind of person. I-I worked with Oltgar in Uthodurn, he was a mentor of mine, taught me the intricacies of making wooden toys, made them beautiful, and he betrayed that very craft! (heavy breathing) It makes sense that his spies would have spread this far. It'll have to be a scorched earth campaign now. (laughter)

LIAM: You hate this fella, is that accurate?

TRAVIS: Hate? Hate?

LIAM: Are you going to claw my arm again?

TRAVIS: What? No, no, I am sorry about that. No, I-- no. Yes, I hate, I hate Oltgar.

LIAM: But she did, too.

TRAVIS: She says! You saw her tense up. Can you read body language like I can? No, there's something else going on. We need to leave.

LIAM: Okay, okay. We'll talk more about the claw thing, too, later with the group.

TRAVIS: Oh, we got to do it with the group? We can't just get it out here in the open?

LIAM: No.

TRAVIS: Okay. I'm really sorry about that.

LIAM: I believe it.

TRAVIS: Your toy's almost done.

LIAM: I'm excited.

TRAVIS: Okay. (laughter)

LIAM: I take him by the elbow again and start hustling him out.

TRAVIS: Okay, ah! (laughter)

MATT: You hustle back through the square to meet up with the rest of your friends and you clock again, standing-- or exiting the Sodden Grange Inn. You can see outdoor cloaked up, the somewhat hunched form of Estani. He's walking out, he's finishing a small piece of bread and sees the two of you.

LIAM: Sees us. Hi.

MARISHA: He's feeding the birds.

LIAM: Uh, I--

MATT: "Pardon me. Um, are you leaving? You look like you're on you're way somewhere. I'm sorry if I--"

LIAM: Insight check.

MATT: Make an insight check.

LIAM: Just in case.

TRAVIS: Yeah, Oltgar got to you, too.

SAM: Is it Ultgar or Oltgar?

LIAM: 19.

MATT: 19.

TRAVIS: Oh, his name's horrible.

TALIESIN: Hey, look at what we're getting!

SAM: There's a whisper!

MARISHA: A whisper! Oh god, my phone.

SAM: Oh my god, wait, is it O or U?

TRAVIS: U.

LAURA: It's U, right?

MARISHA: Oltgard with a D?

TALIESIN: Oltgar.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Oltgar.

TRAVIS: Oltgar.

LAURA: Oltgar.

TRAVIS: Great-great grandson of Obby the Rat.

SAM: Oh, wow.

TALIESIN: Pretty good.

LAURA: That was a long whisper.

LIAM: I lean in close. We are-- we won't be in town another 20 minutes, but thank you.

MATT: "Of course."

LIAM: Sincerely, for everything.

MATT: "Before you go, I have been ruminating on our encounter and I'm glad I got you before you are about to go. I feel a bit more trust is in order based on what you are looking to do. Come, walk with me."

MARISHA: Oh.

LIAM: Okay. Detour.

MATT: Looking over to you. "Where are you going? Right now, I walk with you."

LIAM: Ah, we're meeting up near the stables in town.

MATT: "All right, then we shall walk." He takes a bit of the bread and throws it out and some of the swamp birds--

TRAVIS: Oh, you dropped this.

MATT: -- various finches begin, "No, that's--" (laughter)

MATT: "Thank you."

LIAM: I'm going to pretend like we're on a nice pleasant stroll, but I am looking around.

MATT: He's smiling and looking ahead, not making eye contact, just smiling. "I've not wanted to push much deeper, but I had friends through the years exhibit similar curiosity as the Lumas twins. Other professors, wandering researchers, scientists, archeologists, and the like. Many of them work under a singular banner, referring to the group as the Grim Verity. They're a very old club or collective of collegiate scholars dating back almost a hundred years. Well, it seems the Grim Verity has evolved from a troop of underclassmen debating absurd theory into something more unified. Leave, leave it. Uncovering conspiratorial secrets of history to a borderline blasphemous degree by theological standards that lost my interest when I was a young student, and briefly a member myself. The twins had become members shortly before they... I hoped to lead them towards a less obsessive line of research, you see, but they would not be swayed. And this isn't a dangerous group, from what I recall. They just focus in spaces that some more powerful collectives might not like to be delved into."

LIAM: Maybe get their fingers in some pies they shouldn't be?

MATT: "The focus of the twins on this Omen Archive may have spurred-- may have been spurred by this association and the dangers that followed them and came with it. If, indeed, you intend to head towards Yios, towards this Aydinlan Seminary," and he turns now, grabs your sleeve. "Find Ebenold Kai."

LIAM: Ebenold Kai.

MATT: "An old friend, retired adventurer, and, I believe, still a professor at the Seminary. Give her this letter," and puts a slightly folded letter into your hand. "Give it to her sealed and untampered. You'll be vouched for and, I hope, granted further assistance in bringing justice to the deaths of Balan and Zeyar." Pats your arm (hand pats) and turns around and starts throwing it and begins walking off in a wandering pattern back into the city. Branching off without another word.

LIAM: Delay for 10 seconds to watch Estani go. Watch him.

TRAVIS: All right, what's that about?

LIAM: We'll talk about it with the group. Leave that, come on.

TRAVIS: Just pick up one small piece. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Blech, blech.

LAURA: You can't. (laughs) (laughter)

LIAM: We find the stables.

MATT: Yeah. The rest of you have gathered your horses and you have had them properly prepared for the journey. You've had their barding situated. Saddles ready to go, you have all of your saddlebags ready for the journey. You've purchased, you did pay for a longer stay and so, I'd say you, can't remember quite how much he charged you for--

SAM: We get it prorated?

MATT: We'll say you do get back some of the money you paid, not the full amount. We'll say, five gold, but they also give you enough food for the journey back for that.

LAURA: Oh, that's great.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, you did.

TALIESIN: Good deal.

MATT: But you watch as both Orym and Chetney return.

LAURA: How'd it go?

TALIESIN: Get anything cool?

SAM: Did you find your toys?

LIAM: Ooh, it was a lot.

LAURA: Did you buy anything?

TALIESIN: Did you buy a lot of toys?

TRAVIS: I got this wyvern made of glorious wood.

SAM: Cool.

LIAM: You know, I think it would-- We have a few good stories that would be better for the road.

LAURA: Yeah, we should get out.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. Onto your horses, with a quick kick, each of you, (hooves clopping).

TRAVIS: Onward, Loonch.

LIAM: C'mon, Rabbit.

TALIESIN: Good luck, Dead Meat.

LAURA: C'mon, Heart.

MARISHA: Let's go, Sashimi.

MATT: It is about three- to four-days travel with good weather and such, to return back to Jrusar. Now you've gone this path before and with the journey, more experienced, knowing the path, I'm not going to have you do a full night--

TRAVIS: Start a camp, staying up?

MATT: Yeah, full on, the whole thing on the way back. That's usually going into unmarked, unfamiliar territory. I still want you to, somebody or two people to make survival checks each day to stay on the proper track and not end up in dangerous situations.

LIAM: Let's go, Horse Girl.

MATT: Who wants to make it for the first day?

TRAVIS: You doing it or should I?

LAURA: Oh, right, two of us do it, right?

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: Both of you roll?

LAURA: Right?

LIAM: What's yours, Chet? She's got a plus sevvie.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm real big bonus. (laughs) Nope, mm-mm, go ahead, somebody else do it.

SAM: Oh, you're not doing it?

LAURA: And this was a survival check?

MATT: Survival check, yes.

LAURA: 14.

TRAVIS: Balls.

MATT: 14, okay.

TRAVIS: I didn't really roll, Someone else do it.

SAM: I'll do it.

LAURA: Oh, wait, Fearne!

SAM: 16.

LAURA: Fearne's got really good survival.

SAM: 16.

MATT: Okay. So keeping an eye out, the first day of travel is uneventful. A bit mucky, some of the paths are, you know, waterlogged and some settled into the swamp a bit, especially with some gentle rain that has blown through in some parts of it that tends to track mud and, you know, spray muck as you go, but first day of travel, relatively uneventful. For the second day of travel, roll again.

MARISHA: I'll do it.

LAURA: I'm rolling for Fearne.

SAM: I'm rolling for-- oh, you're rolling for you.

MARISHA: Fearne, good luck!

TRAVIS: Pock O'Pea!

MARISHA: Ooh! Natural 20.

LAURA: Natural 19.

MATT: Damn!

MARISHA: Ooh!

LAURA: For 26.

SAM: Shaved off a day.

MATT: Indeed. Fantastic rolls. Cleanly following the path, you manage to find two portions of this leg of the journey where the, on the trail that you're currently on, you can see there's been a recent hunt of some creature in the middle of the night. You can see the signs of claw marks across one of the signs and spatters of coagulated recent blood in some regions. You see the signs of this and gather that either this is a setup or at least you are near the hunting grounds of one of these creatures and with high enough rolls you do not have to slow your progress.

MARISHA: Yes!

MATT: Feeling confident that you will not draw its attention. You are on a second day, so any spells or anything else that you want to utilize have been restored.

LAURA: Oh, great!

TALIESIN: I would love to find out what the fuck this is.

SAM: I will Identify the papers.

MATT: Okay. You can do it on one paper, essentially. And in casting Identify, you reveal there is an enchantment that keeps them hidden unless they are presented to extreme cold.

LAURA: Oh!

SAM: Do we have-- Anyone have cold spells?

LAURA: Ooh, yes!

MARISHA: That we do. Should we do this right now?

TRAVIS: You hair just comes out in your hand again?

MARISHA: Yeah. Ah!

SAM: Sure, let's try. I mean, Ashton, they're your papers, would you like to see them?

TALIESIN: Sure.

MARISHA: So when we stop for camp somewhere along the way, I guess?

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: Yes, I am--

TRAVIS: Wait, does anybody have a writing utensil? We should be able to copy this down.

LAURA: Oh, yeah, I'll write it down.

TRAVIS: In case it disappears, okay.

LAURA: I'll write it down.

MARISHA: That's a good idea. I just take--

TALIESIN: My penmanship is fucking terrible.

MARISHA: And run my bony fingers across the pages and as I push forward you see a trail of frost being lead behind it and I do Chill-- sorry, Ray of Frost.

MATT: Ray of Frost across the front.

SAM: ♪ Quicker than a ray-- ♪

MATT: You watch as the icy exterior creeps across it and you hear the faint cracking and squeaking of moisture spot-frozen and growing against itself. That (creaking, cracking) as the ray drifts past it, it begins to evaporate and behind where it begins to vanish across the page vellum, dark ink is revealed.

MARISHA: Sick.

TALIESIN: That's--

MATT: So you can do this for quite a bit and it seems to last for about 15 or so minutes per page before it ends up vanishing and dissipating once again to not be seen.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: First, you see a lot of these are letters and agreements between Evon and various dealers across Exandria. Paying contacts to ship or deliver artifacts from around the world.

TRAVIS: Oh no.

MATT: A lot of them, one of the recurring ones, a lot of it's in code and you're not quite sure what it's referring to in places, but there is one recurring name on a lot of these. It is labeled SP.Y.SH-N.

SAM: Good god!

TRAVIS: Sorry, what? Say it again, say it again.

LAURA: SP.Y hyphen--

MATT: SP.Y.SH-N.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MATT: SP.Y.SH-N.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MATT: And that is the signature, essentially, that is labeled--

TRAVIS: SP.Y.SH-N.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: SP.Y.SH-N, I love that band.

MARISHA: Pshun.

MATT: Anyone who is--

LAURA: Almost as good as Jars of Clay.

MATT: Oh my god.

LIAM: Is that the hardest I've ever made you laugh?

SAM: That is a deep cut.

TRAVIS: Which one was it?

SAM: SP.Y.SH-N.

MATT: Anyone who is trained, proficient in history can make a history check, if they'd like to.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Hey, hey!

LIAM: 26.

MATT: 26.

LAURA: 10 for Fearne.

MATT: Okay. 26.

LAURA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Whoa!

MATT: Oh my fucking god!

TRAVIS: That is-- Holy, wow!

LAURA: What?

LIAM: Who is that?

LAURA: Who is that?

MARISHA: Wow, who is she?

LIAM: That just makes--

LAURA: I feel like--

TRAVIS: Turn it this way, give me a little sugar.

MARISHA: Yes, ooh!

TRAVIS: Woo!

MATT: That is a man who has not been working 70 hours a week for seven years. (laughter) (sobbing)

TALIESIN: Too real.

LIAM: Wash that dedication away.

MATT: With that high a roll, yeah, it's less that you recognize the code or crack it, but you have context for the type of people that deal in illegal trade. And specifically are-- make a lot of money in this sort of business. You also know, because you hail from a place called Tal'Dorei--

TRAVIS: Motherfucking, fucking shit.

MATT: And have trained under individuals that have had interactions with some of these people, that some powerful members of these organizations, this particular organization, go by the title of Spireling, SP.

SAM: (gasps)

MATT: The Y you're not certain about, but SH-N definitely reminds you of somebody that almost made a deal with your leader.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: Spireling Shenn.

LAURA: Oh my--

TRAVIS: Check out those comic books.

LAURA: Wow!

TRAVIS: Mother--

MATT: Another letter--

SAM: What?

LAURA: Oh, another one!

SAM: I haven't read the comic books, tell me what it is! (laughter)

MATT: Well, there's different spirelings. Spireling Shenn hasn't showed up in the comics yet.

TRAVIS: Ah, that's right, that's right, that's right.

MATT: Yeah. Shenn was in Campaign One. Another letter is a report on Hexum's dealings--

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: -- with outside dealers in Wildemount.

LAURA: Hexum?

MATT: Yes, it is essentially a spy report on her work that's been delivered to Evon.

LAURA: Shit.

MATT: Three shipments, months apart. And they are picked up shortly thereafter by an unknown figure. Each is a small, singular crate, about three-foot by one-foot by one-foot. The notes around it are questioning if she's some kind of intermediary because they're just coming to her, and then shortly thereafter, they leave her. Saying things need more details on possible illegal activity. Such details can be very useful and insightful. And this handwriting you recognize as familiar handwriting. It is the handwriting that is inside--

TRAVIS: The journal.

MATT: The journal.

TRAVIS: Oh no!

LAURA: Wow.

MATT: Ashton, you, at the description of this, Hexum, this crate, the size, the shape of it, you remember when you were on the last gig with the Nobodies, finding a crate like this. Things went fuzzy after that. You remember breaking in. You remember finding this. You were pulling something from it. You can't-- You can't remember. Things got weird that night. And you woke up the next day. But there was something, it was... You can't remember. Maybe Milo could help, but you have a very fuzzy memory. But you distinctly recall a box of this size and shape. That just caught your attention. And shortly thereafter, everything went dark and fuzzy.

TALIESIN: I'm going to pull that page aside, just...

MATT: Two other pieces--

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

MATT: -- are invoices for the creation of decor. (laughter)

SAM and MARISHA: Okay, okay.

MATT: One is an ornamental spear of religious design. (laughter) (groaning)

MATT: And the other is a twisted metal art piece described as a metal cage blown apart from within. 12 sides, now just five, a unique, insignificant design.

LAURA: Hm.

LIAM: Dick.

LAURA: Fake beacon.

TRAVIS: Fake beacon.

TALIESIN: Fake beacon.

TALIESIN: Well...

LIAM: Turkey beacon.

TRAVIS: This fucking bastard.

TALIESIN: See, I'm going to pull anything sketchy about these particular crates out of the collection.

MATT: Okay. That's essentially like the one report that is reporting on Hexum.

TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah. I'm just going to make all that disappear. Let's... Who's all right just keeping this for a little while?

TRAVIS: Who's all right keeping it?

TALIESIN: I don't know if I want it on me--

LAURA: Oh.

TALIESIN: If that's okay.

LAURA: The documents?

TALIESIN: These particular ones. I want to... This is just something I want to read a little later that she doesn't need.

SAM: Do you have a place where you can put them?

LAURA: I mean, I've got my bags.

SAM: Oh, okay.

LAURA: (laughs)

LIAM: You open up your head and put them inside--

LAURA: Yeah, right?

TALIESIN: She'd look through my shit. I don't think she'd look through any of your shit.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: That's for mine for later.

TRAVIS: FCG, do you need any metal to consume? We have a pile--

SAM: It can't hurt. Do you have extras?

TRAVIS: I mean, do you need any gold or silver? Will that give you...

SAM: Were you just miming throwing it at me? (laughter)

TRAVIS: Yeah. (laughter)

TRAVIS: I figured you could crack it, and just flip the old top--

SAM: Yeah, yeah. Sure, that works, sure. I'm okay right now, but if you want to throw me some--

TRAVIS: Oh, no, I'm just saying, if you ever feel like your blood sugar--

SAM: Do you have extra gold and silver?

TRAVIS: I wouldn't call it extra, but I would help a friend.

SAM: Oh, well, that's... You consider us friends?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I just don't know if anybody checks in on how your... How your gullet's feeling.

MARISHA: Do you want a ball bearing snack? Got a bag of ball bearings.

SAM: (chomps)

MARISHA: Oh, hm. Just make a little horse trough.

MATT: You hear this muffled ting-ta-ting, ta-ting-ting-ting- ting-ting-ting-ting...

LAURA: It's got to be better than the caltrop. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh no. Stealth disadvantage.

MATT: You do have disadvantage on stealth for the remainder of the day. (laughter)

MARISHA: Oh no. (laughter)

TALIESIN: I'm going to make a quick sleight of hand... Attack against Fearne really quickly while all this is going on. (gasping)

MATT: She's not even here.

LAURA: While she's not here?

SAM: Oh, don't even...

MATT: All right, go for it.

SAM: (as Fearne) I'm just tying my shoes.

TRAVIS: That's what happens when you get COVID. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Your shit gets stolen.

SAM: (as Fearne) Just tying my hooves. I was just taking something out of my front marsupial pouch.

MATT: (laughs) That's-- No.

SAM: (as Fearne) Putting it behind my backwards knees. (laughter)

MATT: What'd you roll?

TALIESIN: 19.

MATT: 19.

LAURA: Against her passive? Or would she roll?

MATT: I'd say roll. It's fun to make it contested when it's player versus player.

TALIESIN: Yeah, make it contested.

LAURA: Oh god, I'm sorry, Fearne.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: Natural 20. (yelling)

TRAVIS: Oh, that's poetic, though.

MARISHA: This is the best Ashley's rolled in... (laughter)

MARISHA: All campaign.

SAM: (as Fearne) Can I help you with something?

LAURA: Let me roll for you. You do much better.

LIAM: Look at the size of the dice, Ashley.

TALIESIN: Does she catch what I'm actually trying to do, or?

MATT: Ashley, text us. Do you--

LAURA: She's like (snores)

MATT: Do you catch--

SAM: She's been asleep for hours.

MATT: I know. (laughs)

TALIESIN: She's out, she's out.

SAM: Oh, no, she's on. She's on.

MATT: Oh yeah, she catches you.

TALIESIN: Okay. (laughter)

TALIESIN: I was trying to slip the glasses into her bag without her noting.

LAURA: Oh.

TALIESIN: Yeah, feel bad now, don't you? (laughter)

LIAM: No, that's cool. You're a giving person. That's sweet.

LAURA: She could let you do it.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm just going to keep-- I'm just going to drop them in the bag.

LAURA: Yes, she does.

TALIESIN: Use them poorly. Use them very poorly.

LAURA: (Fearne) I will. (laughter)

MATT: We miss you, Ashley. (laughter)

MATT: Oh my goodness. All right. Now for the next day's journey--

MARISHA: Don't let him know I know.

LAURA: That's shit. (laughter)

SAM: Too late.

MATT: That's what I was wondering. That's all right.

LAURA: I didn't--

LIAM: That's fine. Weird soup.

TALIESIN: I don't know.

LAURA: (Fearne) They didn't see it.

TALIESIN: (flashback noises) (laughter)

MATT: Okay. Roll survival again, whoever's taking the front on that.

TALIESIN: I mean, it's only fair. I have a terrible survival.

TRAVIS: I'll do it, too. We're the shitty ones. Ready? Go. (laughs) Three.

TALIESIN: 14.

SAM: Oh, okay, okay.

LAURA: Okay, okay.

MATT: Okay, okay. Not too bad, not too bad.

LAURA: Why did we let the shitty survival--

MARISHA: I don't know, we thought it was funny.

TRAVIS: It's got to get spicy every once in a while.

LIAM: That's our--

LAURA: That's our brand.

LIAM: -- strength and our downfall.

MARISHA: It's what we do.

MATT: A heavy fog begins to build up during the journey and begins to obscure some of your vision. You begin to ride close to each other to make sure you can follow the shadows of each other without losing sight of the path that you're taking. Even midday, visibility gets a bit rough. Thankfully, Ashton just barely begins to guide you back onto the proper Honored Trails before you get brought off-course too heavily. But no other serious issue for that leg of the journey. We'll say one more survival roll for the following day, the last day of your journey towards Jrusar.

SAM: 14.

LAURA: 16.

MATT: Okay. It seems this journey was a bit more pleasant than the path originally taken towards the Heartmoor Hamlet. At the very least, you know now what you're in for, what to avoid, and to just keep your eyes on the fucking road. Pressing forward towards the end of this day, you're all still exhausted. You're warm. The bugs have gotten annoying, but they've begun to fade. It's so alien.

TALIESIN: Wow.

TRAVIS: Wow!

LAURA: What I love is, I feel like all three of the guys have had the same face.

TALIESIN: It's the exact same face.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Look at that.

LAURA: Just in different colors.

LIAM: That looks like you put me and Kyle in a fusion machine.

LAURA: Ooh, it kind of does.

LIAM: And erased so much. (laughter)

MATT: All the years are just gone.

MARISHA: A fusion machine.

TALIESIN: Sloughs off 'til there's nothing left.

LIAM: It can take away years of stress. God bless you for that.

MARISHA: The stress. (laughter)

MATT: As the sun begins to set and the temperature begins to shift into more of a nighttime atmosphere, you glance up and watch as the Prakash Pyre flame begins to emblazen the sky above, the 100-foot-tall burning beacon letting you know that you are nearing what has been, up to this point, home to the Bells Hells. You get to the base of the city, to the original stables where you had purchased your horses, where they can be put up temporarily, resold. The choice is yours. Do you want to keep the horses there just awaiting, or?

LAURA: No, I think we're going to have to--

TRAVIS: We have to kill at least one. We can't return all the fucking horses.

TALIESIN: It feels so weird.

TRAVIS: Yeah, this is--

LAURA: It feels right, is what it feels.

TALIESIN: Right feels weird. I don't know. (laughter)

MARISHA: Do they keep the names we gave them? I've grown attached to Escargot.

LAURA: We can ask them to.

MARISHA: We can ask them to keep their names.

TRAVIS: We should ask how much to board them, I think.

LAURA: Well, but the thing is, I don't think we're going to be taking horses to Yios.

SAM: Did we buy these?

TRAVIS: We rented them.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: So we put down a big down payment, I think.

LAURA: Yeah, he's going to return half the money when we bring them back.

TALIESIN: Yeah, it's a deposit.

LAURA: 150 gold, I think.

TALIESIN: That sounds right.

TRAVIS: 300-- uh, 500, yeah.

TALIESIN: Oof.

TRAVIS: 305.

LAURA: Yeah. So he's giving 150 back when we get them.

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Bye, Rabbit.

TALIESIN: You'll definitely forget us.

TRAVIS: You lucky son of a bitch.

LAURA: No, they won't. These horses have good memories.

MARISHA: I wish I could be so lucky.

TRAVIS: Every day is a gift. (laughter)

SAM: They're soulless creatures. I don't care for them.

TALIESIN: Okay, just drink it.

LAURA: They are not.

TRAVIS: You have no idea how lucky you are.

LAURA: FCG, why would you think that?

SAM: Well, because they're just not... They're not like you all.

LAURA: How do you know?

SAM: They don't have a spark of something, of a spirit in them.

MARISHA: You don't think the horses have souls? Is that what you're saying?

SAM: I don't think, not like you all. They're not quite the same.

TALIESIN: I feel like we need a temple of the Raven Queen to properly settle this. It's weirdly never occurred to me, actually.

LIAM: You just have to look in their eyes.

MARISHA: What do you see?

LAURA: They're very intelligent creatures.

TALIESIN: I feel like that would just anger them.

SAM: They don't talk.

TALIESIN: No.

LAURA: Well no, they don't have the same vocal cords that we do.

SAM: Boy, if they did, that would be weird.

LAURA: I can't see into their thoughts.

SAM: Because they don't have them.

TALIESIN: Maybe their thoughts are just super chill. Maybe it's just super chill in there. I wouldn't talk if I were super chill all the time. (laughter)

TALIESIN: I'd just be like, "Eh."

SAM: That's fair.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

TRAVIS: "This guy's on my back again."

MARISHA: What do you see when you look into Heart's eyes? Look deep into Heart's eyes.

SAM: All right, I see overgrown ocular system.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm, go on.

SAM: Probably leads to a... A much smaller than-- smaller brain because--

LAURA: It's a large brain.

TALIESIN: Big head, hard to tell.

SAM: Yeah, it's smaller proportionally than your brains are to your bodies because they use most of their energy to keep warm and stay alive, not to devote to thinking or deep emotional thoughts. not to devote to thinking or deep emotional thoughts. And I probably think that Heart is just thinking, "Chew, chew, chew. Stand, stand, stand."

MATT: It's about this time that, what you didn't notice was Rabbit had backed up and just begins to unload a whole bunch of road apples on top of you.

LIAM: Oh.

MATT: (poops falling)

LAURA: That's all right.

TALIESIN: Well, that's a-- That's definitely a box in the direction of an intense soul and understanding of the world.

LIAM: You're really perceptive, but I think this might just be your... blind spot. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh boy.

TALIESIN: Wow.

LIAM: I'm going to hide behind the cup for a moment because I'm ashamed of myself.

TRAVIS: That is very CSI: Miami of you. (laughter)

TRAVIS and MARISHA: Yow! (laughter)

MARISHA: Putting on my glasses. (laughter)

MATT: The horses will be taken care of.

LAURA: Before we take them back, I just push my forehead to Heart's forehead.

MATT: (horse blustering)

LAURA: Thank her for taking care of us on the road.

MATT: Nuzzles you a bit.

LAURA: You're a good girl.

MATT: They're all taken in and brought to their familiar living space. And here you are, a fresh night returning to Jrusar, successful in your recent endeavor, as much as it squeaked by at certain points with some unique threads of mystery, some possible paths to take, and some individuals to check in on, old allies that await word of what you've done, and who knows what's transpired in your absence? But that is where we'll pick up next week.

TRAVIS: Ooh.

SAM: Good.

LAURA: That was so fucking fun.

SAM: But also terrible because Ashley wasn't here.

LAURA: Yeah, but she was here in spirit.

LIAM: We miss her.

MATT: I didn't want to go--

LAURA: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: Wow.

LIAM: That's a Bratz doll.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Woof.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

LIAM: Yikes.

TRAVIS: Oh jeez.

TALIESIN: That's not okay.

MATT: It looks like Chloe Dykstra.

LAURA: It's not--

LIAM: I come in peace.

LAURA: It is not an improvement, you know what I mean?

LIAM: That's radioactive Mr. Burns.

MARISHA: Look at my cleavage. It's just a valley.

LAURA: Dude. Those are your boobs, bro. (laughter)

SAM: I didn't touch that part of it.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm pretty sure those are seriously your boobs.

LIAM: Un-yassified. (laughter)

LAURA: That's a filter for the--

SAM: Those were not part of the filter.

LAURA: It's a filter for the face. (laughter)

MARISHA: But it feels like they're popping them up!

LAURA: You've got some good tots.

MARISHA: Thanks.

MATT: I'm not complaining. Hey, y'all leveled up. (cheering)

MATT: Returning from a successful journey to Heartmoor, you all are now level six.

TRAVIS: Level six!

LIAM: Whoa.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

MARISHA: Level six, holy shit.

SAM: But not Ashley.

LIAM: I know just what I want.

MATT: She also leveled.

SAM: Oh, okay.

MATT: I'll do a FaceTime with her to get her hit point roll. But if you guys want to roll your hit points right now if you know where you're going, we can go ahead and do that.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

TRAVIS: Oh no.

MARISHA: Shit. Are you going to mix up? Are you mixing it up?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I might do some rogue--

SAM: Ooh, what are you doing? You're doing something?

LAURA: Ooh, I like it.

SAM: You're doing a thing? What do I roll, an eight?

MATT: Eight for a cleric, yeah.

TRAVIS: I'll have to get back to you. I have to look.

SAM: I rolled a five.

MATT: Okay. So you take a five.

LAURA: Oh, I roll a d6?

MATT: Yeah. You always roll a d6.

LAURA: Oh god.

LIAM: Yeah, sorry, mage.

TALIESIN: I rolled a four.

MATT: A four, well, it was going to happen eventually. All righty.

TRAVIS: I'll roll both because I might--

MATT: Yeah, roll both, and then we'll--

TRAVIS: What's a-- A rogue would roll a...

MATT: Rogue is a d8.

TRAVIS: d8, and a blood hunter is a--

MATT: d10.

TRAVIS: d10. A one on the d10 and two on the d8.

MATT: Okay, so--

TRAVIS: Oh, this is a reroll on my d10. Four, so two and a four.

MATT: Two and a four, so mark that down. Four for blood hunter, two for rogue, and then you can look at what you want from that one.

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: Laudna?

MARISHA: I think I'm also going to do another in sorcerer, unless anything changes. Six.

MATT: All right, there you go.

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: Six hit points there.

LAURA: Did FCG already roll?

SAM: I did.

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: Five.

MATT: There you go. Five on there.

LIAM: Super low for me. Two.

MATT: Oh, buddy.

LIAM: That's all right.

MATT: It happens.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: All righty, I'll go check in with Ashley and her FaceTime hit point roll from there. But we'll pick up next week, hopefully with Ashley. We'll gauge how the next week goes. But nevertheless, with the return of Jrusar and where this takes us. Oh man. I'm excited. So yeah, thank you all for joining us so much. Have a wonderful week. We love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. (cheering)