Transcript:The Trick about Falling

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello everyone, welcome to the fifth episode of Critical Role! Before we start and get into the videos for our initial intro, let me go over a couple of things for the evening. First off, we're shooting to get to 1,500 subscribers by this evening, and as soon as we get there, we're giving out a promo kit that's worth about $250, which is awesome. We'll all go ahead and sign it at the end of the day and get it out to you as well. Also, Tabletop Day is coming up this Saturday, and a few of us will be showing up during the stream as well and any of you guys playing your own tabletop games at home, or whatever the case may be, if you go to the website and register, for each person that registers, we're giving away a boardgame to the charity Big Brothers and Big Sisters, so that's a really, really cool thing that you guys should get involved with. That's this Saturday, at International Tabletop Day, and also, we received a present apparently from the audience.

TRAVIS: A present?

MATT: That I get to open.

LIAM: Vat eez zis present?

[static]

MATT: I don't know vat zis present eez, but now I get to open zis.

ALL: Ooh!

MATT: This is for all of us, apparently.

TALIESIN: What kind of sack is that?

MATT: It is a big– oh, it is a gigantic sack.

ORION: Ooh, I love gigantic sacks

MATT: Oh my god guys, this is, this is amazing!

LAURA: There's a card on it.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: On the other side.

MATT: There's a card? Oh snap. By the power of #TeamNoStream, you have the power. By Negihama, thank you Negihama.

ALL: Thank you Negihama!

MATT: That's amazing, as we now have for the group, a castle Greyskull.

ALL: Huzzah! Yay!

MATT: So during the intro break we're going to go ahead and open this and find a place for it nearby, 'cause this is now representative of the keep that the players have waiting for them at Emon once they get out of this horrible mess. Anyway guys, welcome to Critical Role, let's get into those intros, shall we?

ASHLEY: Pike grew up in the outskirts of town, near the Bramblewood. Her ancestors were a family of deep gnomes with quite an unfavorable reputation. Thievery, destruction, and trickery left them with the curse of the last name of Trickfoot. Sarenrae, the goddess of healing and redemption, had other plans for Pike's great-great-grandfather Wilhand, who left his family at a young age after a dream– a dream that changed the course of the Trickfoot family. Wilhand devoted his life to Sarenrae, and pledged from then on that him and his family would live a life of service and devotion. As a child, Pike seemed to have an affinity to heal. Whether it was animals, people, or even flowers, she felt she had a purpose in making things whole that had once been broken. She studied and learned the ways to heal through divine magic. She lived a peaceful life, quiet and simple, until one day, Wilhand was captured and almost killed by a group of goliath barbarians. One of the goliaths took a stand against the murder of the innocent gnome, and he himself was beaten, bloodied, and left for dead, abandoned by his herd. Wilhand went to Pike for help. She prayed, and healed this barbarian as best she could, bringing him back to life. When he awoke, she discovered his name was Grog Srongjaw. After that, they were the best of friends, a rather unlikely pair. Little did she know that in a few years' time, Grog would soon return the favor and bring her back from the clutches of death. After being killed in battle, Pike felt angry. She wanted to be stronger, so that it would never happen again. She spent four months at sea, training with the men and women aboard a ship called The Broken Howl. Gripping her holy symbol in one hand, and her morningstar in the other, this time, Pike is ready.

Part I
MATT: Welcome back, guys. So we finally have Pike's video finished, so I hope you got to enjoy that. As a heads-up, too, unfortunately we're going to be down one Scanlan due to work, but that's okay, the bard will be in our hearts this evening, and you're welcome to tweet at him angrily to make sure he makes the next session.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: So, without further ado, let's go and kick into the recap. So, the party has initially been sent down on a mission by the arcanist Allura Vysoren in search of a halfling paladin who has gone missing, named Lady Kima of Vord. A folk hero and a very respected individual, she went on a vision quest and apparently went alone into Kraghammer seeking some sort of great evil that was festering beneath the city, and hasn't been seen for weeks and weeks. The party was hired by her to go and try to find her whereabouts and hopefully bring her back safely. Since traversing and meeting individuals in Kraghammer, they then spearheaded into the Greyspine Mines where apparently these monstrosities have been burbling out time and time again over the past few weeks. Pushing down, they had encountered umber hulks, they managed to inquire some duergar, which, apparently there's a lot of them down here. Duergar being an ashy-skinned, subterranean dark, evil dwarf-type offshoot. One of which had with it a brain-type quadruped that managed to Brain Spike Grog and send him catatonic for a short time. They, wandering through the caverns, discovered there was a duergar war camp across the way from– across this large chasm that was currently being run by a general duergar alongside what appeared to be, and what they've now discovered to be, a mind flayer or an illithid. They managed to, upon looking deeper into this cavern, finding hidden behind a waterfall, thanks to the druid and the ranger, completely stealing from the rest of the group their flying carpet, made a very tenuous relationship and alignment with another mind flayer, apparently cast out of his own society, searching to find a way to both get revenge and find his way back into his colony of people. And his name was Clarota, lovingly called Clarence by the group, probably much to his own chagrin. After which they decided to go ahead and try to extract information from this duergar general, and stop this war camp from preparing itself for battle and attack, seemingly, on Kraghammer in the near future. Through a strange, crazy plan they came up with, they managed to fly undetected over via flying carpet and eagle, and floating sorcerer, over the entire war camp, made a Metal Gear run into the center of their main barracks–

(all laugh)

MATT: – threw a bucket of goblin shit into the face of the one mind flayer–

ASHLEY: Whoops.

MATT: – after which, Vax bisected it, pretty much, in one surprise round of attacks that led to a large battle in the center of this building, partway through which ground began to rumble. And then digging a forth from underneath, a bulette, a gargantuan armored, burrowing creature that was hungry and very dangerous that then made the battle that much more intense. A heavy, blood-filled battle later, involved with Percy getting his hand caught and firing his gun into the gullet of the beast, eventually it had its armor pulled apart and was defeated by the party. The remnants of the duergar army inside of this building have been destroyed, aside from a few stragglers who have laid their weapons down, and the general now lies beaten, on his knees before the rest of the party. And that is where we pick up and begin. So, as you all are catching your breath, breathing heavily, as the adrenaline slowly leaves the system. Looking around this building, with the large hole still glaring through the roof.

ORION: I'm waving through it.

MATT: Tiberius is waving through it.

LAURA: Oh, you're still up top.

MATT: The general's on the ground, warhammer at his side, blackened armor still kind of sizzling with the arcane energy from his temporary Banishment via Scanlan. He sits there with this kind of gnarled, brackish beard, looking about the rest of you with these wild kind of white-coated eyes. "So you found your way in. What's your purpose? What do you want from me?"

LIAM: Well, Vax walks right up to him and walks behind him and grabs him by the hair, and right back to this position. Let's have a talk.

LAURA: Oh.

LIAM: Would you care to have a chat?

LAURA: Of course I would, thank you.

MATT: "If you want blood, take it. It's all you're getting from me."

TRAVIS: Okay, kill him.

ALL: No, wait!

ORION: Hold on a second, ask the question.

LAURA: We don't want your blood.

ORION: What are we asking?

LAURA: We're looking for a halfling. Have you seen one?

MATT: "I don't know what you're talking about."

LAURA: A female halfling. She came down here.

MATT: "Well, she wouldn't have gotten far if she did. Not with my people."

LIAM: I take my dagger and stick it in about a centimeter and say, your master is gone, it's just you and your friends here now, I think it's in your best interest to talk. You could walk away from here. You don't have to die if you can play nicely.

ORION: And believe me when I tell you he usually kills everybody. He doesn't give that offer very often.

(all laugh)

MATT: Go ahead and make an intimidation roll with advantage.

TRAVIS: First roll of the night. First roll of the night.

ORION: Yeah!

LIAM: Natural 20!

(all laugh and cheer)

MATT: That's a way to start.

MARISHA: The first one tonight!

LAURA: That's the way!

TRAVIS: Probably those eight miles you rode.

ORION: Shush!

MATT: As you pull the blade to his throat, he chuckles deeply against the strain. "Your halfling lass was foolish. We took her. We delivered her to King Murghol as a present. If she lives, she's probably ruined and broken deep within the dungeons of Emberhold. You're welcome to go for her there."

LIAM: Who's this king of yours?

LAURA: King what?

MARISHA: Murgholt?

MATT: "Murghol."

ORION: Which way should we head?

MATT: "Ooh, down, probably."

ORION: I mean, is there any particular shortcuts or less running into your kind along the way, I suppose?

MATT: "I highly doubt it." He spits in your direction.

ORION: Oh! Prestidigitation. And I catch it and throw it back into his face.

MARISHA: Can I do an insight check to see if he's lying about that?

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: I think we have some prisoners to free or something as well.

LAURA: Yes.

MARISHA: 22.

MATT: He does not appear to be lying about his interpretation of her, apparently she is where he is. As to where her current state is, you don't know, but he seems to have a very, very made-up mind as to her possibility of her being alive still.

MARISHA: What about a secret path that we can maybe get through to avoid some of these people? Was kind of wondering if he's lying.

MATT: You can press him that information even harder.

MARISHA: Hey guys, we should press him for information about this passage.

LIAM: Just a couple of more questions.

LAURA: Can I start speaking to him in Underdark?

MATT: Of course.

LAURA: And I ask him–

MARISHA: That's hot.

LAURA: Yep, it's an awesome language. Tell me about the hidden passages. I know there are some. I am good tonight, you guys

TRAVIS: What does Underdark sound like, by the way?

(all laugh)

LAURA: It sounds kind of like–

TALIESIN: Parseltongue?

LIAM: It's like Pig Latin.

LAURA: (speaking Undercommon)

TRAVIS: Mm, no!

LIAM: Ere-way are the idden-hay assages-pay?

MATT: It's kind of reminiscent of Black Speech from the Tolkien universe, that has that guttural (speaking Black Speech) very, very deep.

LAURA: Oh right, that.

ALL: (speaking Black Speech)

MATT: A little bit like a whispering darkness to it. As she speaks this tongue, it catches a lot of you off guard, you've not heard her use this tongue until this point. Make an intimidation check.

ASHLEY: (gasps) Vex, what are you doing? What is this coming out of your mouth?

TRAVIS: That sounds real pretty.

LAURA: Right, I have my papers.

MATT: Get your sheet ready.

LAURA: Oh noes, hold on, hold on.

MATT: You got your paper today? Lovely.

LIAM: She's bonafide.

LAURA: 18.

MATT: 18. He says, "No passages to the stronghold, but there is a way in. Aside from the front. Good luck getting up in there from that point."

ASHLEY: Is it through the lake?

MATT: "Yes, through the lake. Deep below, you'll find a tunnel. This tunnel will lead you to a subterranean passage straight to the stronghold."

LAURA: Can we check to make sure he's not untruthful?

MATT: Make an insight.

LAURA: (groans) Okay. 16?

MATT: No, he's bullshitting through his teeth.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

LIAM: Vex'ahlia?

MATT: Hey, he seemed honest about the passage but dishonest about the– he's basically following her lead. "Uh-huh."

LAURA: You're lying.

MATT: "Perhaps."

LAURA: Tell us true, where is it?

MATT: "If I tell you, will you let me live?"

TRAVIS: Ooh. Well.

TALIESIN: I think that's very reasonable.

LAURA: I think that's reasonable. We'll–

MATT: "I'm essentially–"

TALIESIN: We will not kill you.

LAURA: I think we can–

TRAVIS: We can lock him up. And then kill him.

LIAM: We'll leave you alive.

LAURA: We'll leave you alive.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: "Don't just leave me alive. Give me a chance to walk from this building, on my own, arms intact."

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: "And I'll give you the secret entrance to Emberhold itself, leading you straight within the throne room."

ORION: Well, that's a good thing.

TALIESIN: So we have to leave you alive, and let you leave this building intact?

MATT: "Correct."

TRAVIS: I go over and pick up his warhammer and say, you may– maybe– leave. But I get to keep this as a souvenir.

TALIESIN: I actually think this is an appropriate moment to play with a bit of banditry. I say we take everything from him and he can make his way out all on his own.

TRAVIS: I like that idea.

LAURA: Yeah–

MARISHA: Ooh, that's fun.

LAURA: – all his clothes, everything.

TRAVIS: Butt naked.

LIAM: And you can advise–

MARISHA: Wait, wait, hang on.

ORION: As is his undergarments on for–

TRAVIS: Why?

ORION: I don't care to see that.

MARISHA: Why don't we take him with us? Just in casies–

MATT: At which point, a cold, clammy hand touches your shoulder and pulls you aside as–

MARISHA: Ew.

MATT: – a partially hooded Clarota steps forward and says, "I'll attempt to read his surface thoughts. If he tries to keep it from me, I'll know."

TRAVIS: Smart, smart!

MATT: As he steps forward, he puts one hand in front of him and his eyes gleam with a sickly green hue. You can see the general tips his head back for a second and begins twitching an eye. Sweat begins to bead around his brow as Clarota takes another step forward, tensing his hand once more, his head beginning to bow forward with an intensity, a force of focus towards his direction. You can now see the general, "Let me live. Let me go and I'll tell you. This isn't necessary. I'm willing to give you the information." You can see a trickle of blood begin to pour out of one of his nostrils.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

ORION: That's a mind flayer.

LAURA: What do we do? I think we should stop him. Should we stop him?

LIAM: Clarota.

LAURA: Wait.

LIAM: Does he know anything about K'varn?

MATT: "Let me see." And the mind flayer pushes once more into his brain. You see a twitch to his face as his head kind of lolls back and rolls for a second, resisting as best he can. But his will is currently being beaten by the defeat of the battle, the lack of his compatriot mind flayer, and the sheer intensity of Clarota now focused on vengeance and returning to his people. The blood beings to stream not just from his nostrils, but from his ears as well. As Clarota releases him for a second, he goes, "He has not seen K'varn, but knows a bit of his nature. I cannot read it, but we could press for more information."

LIAM: I walk up–

LAURA: I think we should just ask him.

LIAM: – next to Clarota, push the dwarf against the wall, and say, our friend here is not as patient as I am. We want to know about this K'varn, and we want you and all your men, all your little mates here, to throw your weapons into the chasm, you can go fuck off, but we want to know everything. And this is your last chance. Right now, right here. Talk.

TRAVIS: And you have to get naked.

LAURA: (whispers) And you have to get naked.

LIAM: That's correct.

ORION: Will you stop with the naked? Grog–

TRAVIS: What?

TALIESIN: I'm with you on that.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

ASHLEY: Yeah, me too.

MARISHA: It's starting to become a thing now. I'm just saying.

MATT: "K'varn was responsible for forging the alliance. For centuries and generations, his people and mine killed and fought. It wasn't until K'varn came that we decided to work together for a common cause. Expansion, unification, dominion over this land and these mountains. Divided, we were weak, petty, greedy. With K'varn leading us, we have purpose, we have growth. We could take what we'd like, and I'm but one dwarf. If I fall over here, many more will take over where I fell."

TALIESIN: Well, we can see that's obviously worked out really well for you. I think that I'm satisfied, are you satisfied?

LAURA: What kind of creature is K'varn?

LIAM: What is K'varn?

MATT: "I have not seen K'varn personally."

LAURA: But you've heard rumors, though?

MATT: "What I know of K'varn– a being of immense intelligence. A creature that needs not walk this earth, one that does not touch the land that it traverses. I know it sees all, it smiles from a toothy maw and laughs, laughs in the darkness. Protruding from its forehead, one nasty, gnarled black horn, terrible source of its dark power. That is what's beneath here."

LAURA: Is he telling the truth?

MATT: Insight check.

LIAM: Insight check for me as well.

TALIESIN: Would I recognize this creature he's describing?

MATT: Go ahead and make a nature check. Or arcana, either one.

MARISHA: Can I assist him?

TALIESIN: Or arcana? 14.

MARISHA: Can I do a nature check?

MATT: This'll be more for your own personal knowledge, probably not. But you can make one yourself.

MARISHA: Well, that's what I'm saying.

TALIESIN: 14.

MARISHA: 'Cause you're doing arcana?

TALIESIN: I did arcana.

ORION: A d20 roll.

MARISHA: I'm doing nature. 29, nature.

MATT: All right, so. No natural creature you've ever heard has this type of essence to it, having a single black horn.

LIAM: It's clearly a narwhal.

MATT: It is.

LIAM: It's a sentient narwhal.

MATT: It's an awful, awful narwhal. Way to spoil the story, Liam.

MARISHA: Demon narwhal.

ASHLEY: (singsong) Well, maybe we should go.

MATT: Gnashing teeth, black horn, very intelligent. That doesn't seem to be anything from nature itself. From your experience, there are different entities, but usually there are multiple horns. Singular, demonic beings that would have extreme intelligence, sharp teeth, horns, and you've had brief brushes in the past with demonic entities that seems to run in a similar vein, but nothing in particular is creeping into mind. It's going to be difficult for you to specifically come up with this, with what little information you currently have. Yeah.

ORION: Well, I'm satisfied.

LIAM: I am, too.

LAURA: Maybe we should let him go.

LIAM: Why don't you strip?

ORION: I agree.

TRAVIS: Do you wanna handcuff him?

ASHLEY: Take off your clothes!

LAURA: Yeah, let's take his– We take Grog's handcuffs out of his bag.

MATT: "Let me– That was not the deal! You leave me, unspoiled, on my life, and I tell you the way into Emberhold."

LAURA: Well, tell us!

ORION: Take the hammer. That's rough on him. Leave his armor on.

LAURA: You haven't told us yet, have you?

LIAM: We already told you your weapons are ours.

TALIESIN: In fact, we'll be keeping your weapons, your armor, and I believe, your pride.

MARISHA: Yes.

LAURA: But your life is yours.

TALIESIN: You may even outrun the dwarves we're about to set free.

ORION and TRAVIS: Oh good, yeah.

TRAVIS: Nice! Percy's fucked-up tonight, I like it.

TALIESIN: I'm in a mood.

MATT: "Emberhold."

LIAM: He tried to make a book out of someone's flesh once.

LAURA: Wait, wait. He's telling us, shut up.

LIAM: Yes, sorry.

MATT: "Emberhold is the fortress of our people, built to resist assault from all sides."

LIAM: Shite.

MATT: "We've an army, hiding about the outskirts of it. Kind of like an army you might have in one of yours, if you think you have a chance. However, since I don't think that's what you carry, your best bet is on the left side of the fortress. There are two streams of molten rock that pour down the side. The smaller of those two streams covers a secret tunnel."

LIAM: Insight check. Is he full of shit? I rolled– Oh, nothing too hot at all. Never mind, forget it. Forget I said anything.

MATT: All right. He seems to be forthright and honest with his information. "However, that'll take you through the lava. That's up to you. It's meant to open from the inside. A trapdoor-like mechanism that spreads the actual flow. From the outside, well, good luck. I've done my side of the bargain. Let me free."

LIAM: Stepping behind, I take my knife, and I cut his belt loose and let his pants fall, and I give him a little nudge.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: You're free to go. Not toward your stronghold, but towards the surface.

MATT: So his belt falls, changepurse, and everything. He is wearing full plate black armor–

LIAM: Sure.

MATT: So his trousers do not plummet.

LIAM: Aw, that's a shame.

TRAVIS: Can't we have Scanlan turn him into a porpoise?

MATT: He picks up his warhammer.

TRAVIS: I don't think so. No, that's mine. As a token to remember you by.

MATT: "Unspoiled was the deal."

LIAM: Wasn't the deal.

TRAVIS: No, it's great. You can really argue all you want to, or I'll just smash your fucking head in.

LIAM: Wasn't the deal!

TALIESIN: Alive was the deal.

LIAM: We said you were alive, your weapons were ours. What, have you got shit in your ears?

ORION: I thought you meant you wouldn't get dirty, like you know, not spoiled. Which I was totally fine with.

MATT: Takes a couple of steps forward towards you, holding the warhammer out.

LIAM: Your skull is unspoiled.

MATT: Suddenly, he turns completely invisible, vanishes from sight.

LAURA: My perception's really high, can I try to find him?

LIAM: Yeah, we can. Perception check.

TRAVIS: You dicks.

MATT: You hear (footsteps running).

LIAM: Perception check.

LAURA: Wait, no!

ORION: He's gone.

LAURA: Mother bitch.

MARISHA: It's fine.

LIAM: 18 for me.

MARISHA: Just let him go, it's all he's got.

ASHLEY: We should throw something.

TRAVIS: (high-pitched) I want the hammer!

MARISHA: It's all he's got right now. He's naked, and now he's invisible running through a cavern.

LAURA: He's not naked!

MATT: At this point–

LIAM: I'm gonna attack him.

MATT: Before you have the opportunity–

LIAM: Yeah?

MATT: – he becomes visible again, about 20 feet out, gone down the stairs and towards the front door and he just–

LIAM: I'm throwing a dagger at him.

MARISHA: Oh look.

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: And I'm throwing my ax at him with the chain of returning as well.

LIAM: Oh good, that's great. 28 for me.

ORION: Oh shit.

MATT: All right, that hits.

LIAM: Yeah, sure it does. Dick!

MATT: It's not a Sneak Attack, just damage.

LIAM: Yeah, that's fine.

MATT: You chuck your ax at him.

TRAVIS: 17.

MARISHA: And I just yell, sorry!

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: 17.

LIAM: Ten for me.

MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll damage for both of you.

LIAM: Ten.

MATT: He is there, standing in place with his arms locked like this.

LAURA: Oh, Clarota.

TRAVIS: 15.

MATT: 15 damage?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Should've left the hammer.

LIAM: Ten.

MATT: Ten damage, all right. There's now a significant amount of blood beginning to pool down his feet, as he's standing there. As he is frozen in place, Clarota just kinda steps up to the front of him, grabs his cheeks and pulls his head in towards him, as his tendrils slowly wrap around his head. You can see them meet at the back of his skull, and with this horrible crunching sound, you see his head shudder, as his limbs go limp.

LIAM: (sings) Do do do do doo, I'm lovin' it.

(all laugh)

MATT: A few moments of this horrible slurping sound–

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: – and you hear this dull, sickening, hollow (suction) sound. The tentacles release, Clarota releases his grip from his head, and the captain falls onto his back, a giant bloodied hole in the center of his skull.

ASHLEY: He ate his brain?

TRAVIS: I guess you should've left the hammer, shouldn't you?

TALIESIN: Some people are terrible losers, just really terrible.

ORION: I'm going to loot the body.

LAURA: Yeah, well. Yeah, we definitely do that.

TRAVIS: I would like to pick up the hammer.

MARISHA: This is a good lesson, to no one else that's watching.

ORION: Clarota, that was incredible. Well done!

LAURA: Clarota–

ASHLEY: Clarota, I am a fan.

MARISHA: No one is watching this valuable lesson.

TALIESIN: Do not be an oathbreaker.

MARISHA: To not be an oathbreaker.

TALIESIN: Know when you've lost your clothes.

LAURA: Was that actually, like, a meal for you?

MATT: As you're looking, you can see there's that kind of weird purplish crimson around his tendrils, as he kinda wipes it off with his hands, and goes, "It's enough to sustain me a while. I was getting hungry."

LAURA: Well. Better him than us, I say.

TRAVIS: Right. Me, I'm just an appetizer.

ORION: Yes, indeed.

LAURA: Loot the body!

MATT: Yes, so you loot the body. You find amongst all the duergar bodies here, as you're quickly jumping around and grabbing, it's hard to count the exact amount, but you're looking at somewhere in the neighbourhood of about five to six hundred gold pieces. You'll have to check later.

LAURA: Ooh!

LIAM: Mm-hm.

LAURA: I write that down.

ORION: He was a general.

MATT: A series of black iron weapons. None of them seem to, at a quick glance, have any sort of magical value. The blackened plate armor on the duergar itself does radiate a magical essence, as does the warhammer he was holding.

LAURA: Is it just him wearing the black plate armor–

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: – or any of the other bodies wearing it, too?

MATT: There are a few that are wearing black plate, but they're not equivalent enchanted.

LAURA: We should take that and put it in the bag of holding, so we can sneak in if we want to.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LIAM: Tiberius, can you tell us anything about these things?

LAURA: How many sets were there?

MATT: From what is in here, that would be 11 sets, total.

ORION: Yes, that hammer is amazing, obviously, because we saw it in action. I'd say Grog should have it.

LAURA: 11 sets of armor!

MATT: Because there were also sets that were on the rack at the very front.

LAURA: Nice!

ASHLEY: Hey.

MARISHA: Is Grog about to get a new weapon?

TRAVIS: 11 sets of armor, okay.

ORION: And I'll do an arcana check, right? An arcana check on the stuff?

MATT: An arcana check, yeah.

TALIESIN: Laura, you got a grapple arrow, last I gave you, by the way.

LAURA: I did?

ORION: 23.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I got it– you now have a trap arrow.

LAURA: A grappler arrow?

TALIESIN: Yeah, you fire it and it prones somebody.

LAURA: Seriously? That's so cool, thank you!

MATT: There you go, sir.

TALIESIN: I'm gonna Hawkeye you out at some point.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

TALIESIN: I know.

TRAVIS: Can you do a magical check on the– Oh, he's got it.

ORION: I did.

MATT: So, as Tiberius is looking over the equipment, kind of poring through his arcane knowledge.

ORION: Oh, oh, ooh! I think Pike and Grog would benefit from these, most definitely. Here.

LAURA: What is it? What was it?

LIAM: There's not any kind of dark magic about the armor, is there?

ORION: I mean, it's dark in color.

LIAM: Yes, that's fine.

ORION: But it's, you know, your standard arcana magic.

ASHLEY: Clarota, so when you eat their brains, do you also get their thoughts, maybe?

TRAVIS: Ooh! The heavy plate armor has resistance to fire damage.

ASHLEY: Or it's just– it's gone after that.

TRAVIS: The warhammer–

LIAM: Sh!

MATT: "There are residual memories, thoughts. It's delicious." And you can see, there's this almost rapturous look in his face you haven't seen before. For a moment, Clarota looks a little younger, a little stronger, a little more dangerous. And you're put off a little bit by it.

TRAVIS: Clarota is Dracula.

MATT: But there's kind of this momentary kind of relishing in the moment and–

MARISHA: Do we need to give you a moment alone? We can leave.

MATT: "He speaks the truth about the path into the Emberhold."

LAURA: All right.

LIAM: So, he spoke of some sort of trap door that's easy to open from within, but not from outside, correct?

MARISHA: It was hidden by a lava flow.

LAURA: Yes, two lava flows–

MATT: The smaller of the two.

LAURA: – the smaller of the two.

LIAM: The smaller of the two.

MATT: On the left side.

MARISHA: On the left side of the keep.

LAURA: Yes. Can I ask a question?

MATT: Yes?

TRAVIS: I'm raising my hand.

LAURA: Are there a lot of other soldiers still in the camp, or did we–

MATT: Oh, there are plenty of soldiers still in the camp.

LIAM: Yeah, we–

LAURA: Ooh.

MATT: You stealthed into the barracks.

LAURA: Oh shit! We should've kept him alive, you guys! Okay, okay, okay. Yes, Grog?

LIAM: Well, he was about to walk out the door and cause mayhem.

ORION: That's true.

MARISHA: That's true. He was gonna alert everybody.

TRAVIS: Can I harvest any natural armor from the bulette? The kitty?

LAURA: Ooh!

MATT: You can certainly try. There's plates that have been broken and cracked. You can try and start cleaving away at it.

TRAVIS: All right, yes, I start butchering, or something, the bulette.

MATT: Okay, you start– It's really tough hide. You know, 'cause you tried to cut through before and you managed to make a few marks. It takes you a few minutes. You manage to get, let's say, about three saucer-shaped pieces of armor out of it.

TRAVIS: All right.

MATT: You could definitely get more, but then you start hearing bells going off.

LAURA and TRAVIS: Shit.

ORION: What do I see? I'm still on the roof.

LAURA: Okay, we should all– Can we all–

MATT: You don't see anything yet. You just hear bells starting to go off in the city.

LAURA: Okay, we should all put on black armor. Does that matter?

LIAM: We should just get out of here. Keyleth, can you fucking eagle up and let's go.

MATT: You start hearing horns.

LAURA: We need to free those dwarves.

MARISHA: Eagle up?

MATT: Big horns. You start seeing torches being lit.

LAURA: Stealth, stealth. And get out. Go stealth and get out.

LIAM: We need to get out, now.

ORION: Oh guys, the jig is up!

LAURA: I shoot my grapple thing and go up out of the ceiling.

LIAM: Tiberius.

ORION: What?

LIAM: Cast Fly on this fucker right here, we need to get out of here. We just need to get out the way we came in.

MARISHA: I cast Pass Without A Trace. Everyone stand near me. And I'll turn into an eagle and I scoop up the gnomes.

MATT: Okay, what's the radius on Pass Without A Trace?

LIAM: Like a thousand yards.

MARISHA: Like a hundred yards.

MATT: Four miles, it's all I got.

LAURA: But I take the dust of tracelessness out of the bag of holding and I sprinkle it around the room.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Can we grapple up out from the ceiling?

MATT: Well, the arrow that you have that he made, it's essentially an arrow that bursts into a tanglefoot bag. When it bursts, it grapples whoever's there, it's not like grappling an arrow.

TALIESIN: Yeah, it's not like a string arrow, although I'll build that.

LAURA: Oh, I thought it was like a grappling–

TALIESIN: It's a trip arrow.

LAURA: Oh, that's cool, okay.

MARISHA: A 30-foot radius.

TALIESIN: I'll make you a grappling– I didn't follow that though. I'll make you a grappling arrow.

LAURA: I have a grappling hook. Yeah, we should grapple out.

MATT: 30-foot radius, okay, so you could just–

MARISHA: Just, hug me.

MATT: – barely get Tiberius in there if you–

MARISHA: Stay close.

TRAVIS: You can go on my back.

MATT: On the platform, so yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm gonna jump on Grog's back.

TRAVIS: Yeah, and I pick up Scanlan under my arm.

LAURA: We have a regular grappling hook, we'll just get up out of the–

TALIESIN: We have a flying carpet.

ASHLEY: And hold onto some straps.

MATT: All right, so Scanlan– Both gnomes get grabbed by Keyleth as–

ORION: And we're all on the carpet?

LIAM: The carpet's away, but this guy is flying?

ORION: Yes.

LIAM: Flying Grog.

TRAVIS: I am? I thought we were all– Okay.

LIAM: No, you can't go on the carpet. You're too heavy.

LAURA: What are we doing?

LIAM: We're going up. Straight up.

LAURA: Up and out. Can we stealth, while we do it?

MATT: So, you guys, right now, as you're carrying the two gnomes, all of you except for Grog are on the carpet, correct?

TRAVIS: Yep, I'm flying.

MATT: You're flying. Okay, so how many spells do you have left on that? One left? All right.

LAURA: Where's Trinket?

TALIESIN: Trinket's back on the other side.

MATT: Trinket's back on the other side. Trinket didn't come with you to the battle, because there was nobody to get Trinket across.

LAURA: Oh, he's just on the other side by himself, all lonely?

MATT: Yeah, I know.

LIAM: He's in goblin town.

MATT: Eh, you weren't here.

(all laugh)

MATT: You weren't here to protect your bear.

LAURA: That's so terrible.

ASHLEY: He's safe over there?

MATT: Hopefully.

ASHLEY: Oh Trinket!

TRAVIS: He's been raging.

MATT: Everyone, make a stealth check. With a plus ten additional modifier thanks to Keyleth's spell.

TRAVIS: Oh, awesome. That helped.

ORION: 20.

ASHLEY: Oh, 20!

MARISHA: 18.

TRAVIS: Natural? Oh.

LAURA: Nice. Ooh, natural 20!

TALIESIN: 19.

TRAVIS: 19.

ASHLEY: 20.

LAURA and TRAVIS: Natural 20.

LAURA: 31 for me.

LIAM: 29.

MATT: All right, so you all take off. As you do, you can see now, probably close to 30 or 40 duergar have now begun rushing towards the barracks in the center of that main open area where that wooden platform was, where Scanlan originally saw a mind flayer. As you rush up, you hear (speaks Undercommon). You hear it as Undercommon, screaming, "There! Above, look!"

LAURA: Oh, they saw us.

ASHLEY: Maybe you should scream, like, no, they went the other way!

LIAM: Just keep going up, up, up.

MATT: A stream of javelins comes firing up in your direction.

LAURA: How did they see us? I thought we were stealthed.

ORION: I see where it's coming and I shoot a Fireball.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: That's good, that's good.

MARISHA: Wait, what are you doing?

MATT: Okay, so there's a volley of javelins and a Fireball streaking past. You'll be able to get ten of them in that Fireball blast, go ahead and roll for damage on that. However, for those that rolled less than 20 on stealth, each of you are getting three javelins each to you. So that's you two, and Grog. What'd you roll again?

MARISHA: Less than 20.

ORION: 22.

MATT: Okay, yeah. So you three. So three javelins against you, miss you entirely. Percy. Actually, one more against you, Keyleth. That one does hit. You take 14 points of piercing damage as the javelin just gleans off the side of your giant eagle torso.

MARISHA: (eagle noises)

MATT: Percy, that's a 21, an 18, and a 20. So you take three javelins. 24 points of piercing damage.

TALIESIN: 24 points?

MATT: Yeah, 24 points total, as three javelins– Two strike you off the shoulders and one actually embeds itself partway into your waist and you have to pull it out, and probably dug a good six, seven inches in.

ASHLEY: What are you at?

TALIESIN: I'm at 15.

ASHLEY: 15?

ORION: By the way, 41 points of fire damage.

TALIESIN: I was already really low.

TRAVIS: Take me instead.

LAURA: We haven't healed him yet.

ASHLEY: Wait, we healed the other game. Even with that?

TALIESIN: Oh, did I fully heal?

MATT: All right, the three that are going towards Grog–

TRAVIS: Yeah, come on.

MATT: That– Natural 20. A 17, what's your AC?

ASHLEY: No, it was like 24.

TRAVIS: 18.

ASHLEY: 24 points.

MATT: That one misses, and the last one– Yeah, two natural 20s.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

ASHLEY: That was 24.

MATT: Not even joking.

LIAM: Double crits, oh.

MATT: All right, so–

LAURA: Two crits against you?

LIAM: Good thing you got a thousand hit points.

TRAVIS: (high-pitched) Oh no.

LIAM: That's the point of a meat tank.

MATT: You take a total of 36 points of piercing damage, Grog.

ASHLEY: And he still has more hitpoints than we do.

MATT: Yeah, probably.

MARISHA: Ouchies.

MATT: Oh, barbarian.

LIAM: If Scanlan were here, he'd moon and blind all.

LAURA: He is here, technically.

MATT: He is here, Scanlan's holding on tight as–

LIAM: He's here, he's watching.

TALIESIN: Scanlan's peeing, peeing down.

MATT: However, as the javelins strike all you guys, moments later there's a gargantuan explosion, and there's a flash of reddish light from below. A giant fiery blooming explosion bursts into the center of that area. You can see duergar thrown left and right. You manage to take out about 12 of them in that one blast.

ORION: Yes!

LAURA: Nice!

LIAM: Yeah, home slice.

MATT: You guys continue, cresting over the top. You can now see more and more are starting to gather, the bells are going off, the horns are blowing hard. You can see a bunch of them are now running over to what looks like some of this siege equipment they had constructed–

MARISHA and LAURA: Oh.

MATT: Which includes a few large ballistae.

LIAM: I think we should friggin' dive bomb towards the far tunnel past this war camp.

LAURA: No, but Trinket!

LIAM: Is fine, he's hiding out. They don't know he's here.

TRAVIS: Leave him.

TALIESIN: He'll be fine.

ORION: I'm not concerned with the bear right now!

LIAM: We're going to dive. Yes, dive bomb, dive bomb!

TALIESIN: The bear can take care of himself.

LIAM: I take hold of the front of the carpet and steer it up and over, along the roof and then down towards the tunnel. I'm steering the carpet.

MATT: Okay. You guys are coming down. You basically shot up, curved around–

LAURA: We shouldn't go down.

MATT: And you're going backwards towards the barracks. As you do, another volley of–

LAURA: We got to free those dwarves, y'all.

MATT: Another volley comes to the guys who were under-stealthed.

LIAM: We don't have to. That seems complicated.

ORION: Who's not stealthed?

MATT: However, there is one attack less each because of the duergar that you had taken out. So, against Keyleth, one hits. You take 12 points of piercing damage.

MARISHA: I am no longer an eagle.

TALIESIN: Oh my God.

TRAVIS: Oh shit, really?

MATT: All right, a two and a one versus Percy.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Are you paying attention?

ORION: Wait, what?

TRAVIS: She's not an eagle anymore.

MATT: All right, so.

LAURA: Keyleth isn't a–

MARISHA: I hit zero hit points as an eagle.

ASHLEY: Wait, what are you again?

LAURA: What happened?

LIAM: She's not an eagle and she's falling with the gnomes.

MATT: Keyleth's form shifts back into that of Keyleth. You guys are about 80 feet up.

MARISHA: Help!

LAURA: Okay, okay!

ASHLEY: Can I–

MATT: At which point, both Scanlan and Pike go into a free fall along with Keyleth.

ASHLEY: Wait, can I–

LAURA: No, no, she was on Grog, she was–

ORION: Are we under them? Are we under them?

LIAM: I don't know, are we?

ASHLEY: No, I was on her.

MATT: No, you guys are about parallel. You guys were moving together.

LIAM: Parallel?

ORION: Go under them!

LAURA: Yeah, we dive under them.

LIAM: Dive, dive, dive, dive!

ORION: I cast Glacial Blast and I create a bridge that scoops them up, right under them. As we dive right under them.

LIAM: Party trick.

MATT: Okay, you guys are out in the middle of the open cavern. There's no place to connect the bridge, so you're essentially creating a giant ice–

LIAM and LAURA: Chunk.

MATT: Chunk right beneath them. Which is also now in freefall.

ORION: Huh? No!

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Even wizards make mistakes.

ORION: Damn it!

MATT: So as you guys try and swoop underneath as they're plummeting– You're riding this, go ahead and make an acrobatics check.

LIAM: Okay.

ORION: No, I didn't think of that.

MARISHA: I don't know what to do.

LAURA: Can we try to catch– can we try to– what do I have?

ASHLEY: Wait, can I–

TRAVIS: Are we over the war camp, or are we over the–

LIAM: 25.

LAURA: Over the war camp.

MATT: All right, so you swoop underneath. A sudden motion, as you're trying to cast. Go ahead and roll a concentration check on this.

MARISHA: Oh, come on, Tiberius.

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

MARISHA: Oh, save my life, again, Tiberius.

ORION: Oh no.

LAURA: Can I try to–

MARISHA: Oh shit.

LIAM: I let go of the front of the carpet, I stick a–

ASHLEY: Wait, wait, wait, wait, can I cast War God's Blessing to give him a plus ten?

MATT: Unfortunately, you're falling.

ASHLEY: Fuck.

MATT: You're like (worried noise), you're just plummeting through the air like a rock because you're in full plate armor.

LAURA: Can I use the rope of endless twine and try to lasso one of them? 'Cause I'm really a good shot.

ASHLEY: How far are we falling?

MATT: You have to pull it out of the bag of holding and then turn into a lasso, that's gonna take you a full minute, so you don't have time.

LIAM: I have a rope. I let go of the front of the carpet, I put one end of the rope in my sister's hand, and I jump off towards Pike, holding it around in one hand as I go–

LAURA: Oh god.

TALIESIN: I grapple onto her to hold her down.

ASHLEY: No! No, no, no, I have so much armor.

LAURA: Okay, then you should–

MATT: All right guys, so here's what happens. In the time this has transpired, you've rushed underneath with the magic carpet, all of you barely managed to hold on, as both Pike and Scanlan and Keyleth all slam into the top of the–

LAURA: Oh okay, except you're dangling off of it now by a rope.

MATT: You lost your concentration, so Glacial Blast didn't go off, thankfully. That would've been really bad.

MARISHA: Wait, wait, we slam into the top of what?

TALIESIN: Us.

MATT: You guys slam onto the top of the rest of the group, in there.

LAURA: That's too many people on the carpet.

MATT: Because you lost your concentration, your flight spell also dissipates. Grog is now plummeting.

LAURA: Oh no!

TRAVIS: Yay!

ALL: (worried noises)

LAURA: We're gonna die!

MATT: The carpet now has too much weight and is currently giving out.

LIAM: #savecriticalrole.

ORION: Get me close to him. I cast Featherfall on you.

MATT: It's slowing your fall, but you guys are– you're coming down at a very, very fast pace at an angle over the barracks towards the back end of the war camp.

LAURA: Oh shit.

MARISHA: Can I cast Wind Wall right underneath of the carpet to kind of like airbend us up?

MATT: You can attempt to. Grog–

TRAVIS: I begin to fart to slow the fall.

ORION: Who needs Featherfall? I can do it in a bunch!

MARISHA: Ahh!

MATT: Everybody, at this point–

LIAM: But wait, Dungeon Master?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Re-explain what's happening. So the carpet is falling, not as fast as it would, but–

MATT: Essentially, you guys are flying beside each other, the three that were falling, you guys swooped underneath and caught them, however it's too much weight to bear, the carpet's now–

LIAM: How high are we at this second?

MATT: At this second, you're about 60-70 feet up.

MARISHA: Ohh.

LIAM: And the closest building, the highest building under us is how tall?

MARISHA: Oh, Jesus.

MATT: It's about 15 feet tall.

LIAM: Ohh.

MATT: Grog, however, goes into a full plummet. You guys have just caught the rest of them, you've all caught them, you're crashing down.

MARISHA: And did the Wind Wall thing work?

MATT: Go ahead and roll a concentration.

LAURA: Everybody jump up in the air!

MATT: Your constitution modifier.

MARISHA: Fucking shit. Not good. Seven.

MATT: The spell fizzles.

LIAM: Unpause. How far are we from the tunnel that we were talking about?

MATT: From what you can see here, you're probably about 50 to 60 feet.

LAURA: We're right over the camp, aren't we?

MATT: You're towards the back of it, thankfully, the barracks are towards the back of it, so maybe about 50 to 60 feet from the full tunnel.

ORION: Before where the drop is, and that's where that bottom tunnel is down there?

MATT: Yep.

ORION: Okay.

MATT: You guys go crashing at an angle.

TALIESIN: I'm going to brace to jump. I'm bracing to roll.

LAURA: Yeah, we're all like bracing.

MARISHA: Three-point landing!

LIAM: I'm grabbing for Pike and going like this.

LAURA: I have Scanlan!

MARISHA: What's Grog doing?

ORION: Where's Grog at?

LAURA: He's falling.

LIAM: Grog's gone. Grog's down.

MATT: Grog is completely separate from you. He was flying, and lost concentration of his spell. Grog's like a stone.

LAURA: No, Grog!

ORION: Can I leap towards him?

TALIESIN: Off what?

MARISHA: And do what?

MATT: Off of the carpet–

ORION: Off of the carpet! Yes!

LIAM: Do what?

LAURA: You leap off of the carpet?

MATT: Go ahead and make an acrobatics check. With a disadvantage, because you are jumping off of a currently flimsy flying carpet to try and catch up to him.

LAURA: Oh no.

ORION: Right now, while I'm doing this, I'm going to cast Featherfall on myself.

TRAVIS: Wait, before, you gotta get to me first, because it will slow you too much.

ORION: Oh. It would, wouldn't it? I thought it was only when going down.

TRAVIS: Gotta get to me first, motherfucker.

MATT: Go for it.

ORION: Whoa. Okay.

MATT: So what's your acrobatics check? The lower of the two.

LIAM: You fall a lot.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Big things go down.

ORION: 15 and 13.

MATT: Okay. You manage to fumble out of the carpet, however, you are now just end-over-end falling now off of the side of the carpet on your own.

LIAM: This is tense.

LAURA: This is tense.

MATT: You're having a hard time even seeing Grog now. The world's just spinning and spinning and spinning.

LAURA: Oh God.

TRAVIS: It's like Gravity.

MATT: You can attempt–

ORION: Now I'm going to cast Featherfall.

MATT: Go ahead, cast and roll concentration check. What did you roll?

MARISHA: He rolled a 19. Which is good.

MATT: Okay. Featherfall gets to you just in time. Your descent slows. In that time, Grog has impacted.

MARISHA: Fuck!

LAURA: Oh no, Grog!

LIAM: We're gonna hit, we're gonna hit. I'm shielding the healer.

LAURA: I'm shielding Scanlan.

MATT: So you all brace for impact. The actual carpet's careening out of control. You can see there's just barely the top of a building you might be able to try and skim.

LAURA: Can we jump onto the top of the building?

MATT: This is going to be up to the one who's been steering this whole time. Go ahead and make an intelligence check.

LAURA: Intelligence!

LIAM: Intelligence?

MATT: Yes.

ASHLEY: Can I assist?

MATT: No.

TRAVIS: Thank God it's not me.

MARISHA: Can we do nothing and–

LIAM: Good, good, good, good. 24.

MATT: 24?

LIAM: Yeah, so I'm pretty smart.

MATT: You just managed to skim the edge, which lessens your impact slightly, however, it does send you all into a full end-over-end topple.

LIAM: Still holding a gnome!

MATT: Everyone. Everyone. Make an acrobatics check.

LAURA: Oh, god. Which one to roll, which one to roll.

MARISHA: Oh, no. What's going on with Grog?

LIAM: I guess that's what we'll find out afterwards.

MATT: Grog's impacted. He was falling faster than you guys were, he's six hundred pounds going into straight freefall. You guys had a little bit of a fall break.

MARISHA: Ah, this is going terribly! I'm failing!

ORION: Do I have to do one also?

MATT: Everyone. Oh, except for you, because you're floating.

LIAM: Do the halflings– Shit! Do the gnomes get an advantage since the half-elves are protecting them?

LAURA: Depending on how we roll?

MATT: It's based on how you guys roll, because you're the ones who are holding onto them.

LIAM: Oh, okay.

LAURA: Welp, Scanlan. I'm sorry to let you know–

TALIESIN: No.

LIAM: Oh no!

MATT: So you got Pike?

LIAM: Yeah, I got Pike.

MATT: What'd you roll?

LIAM: 18.

MATT: Natural one.

ASHLEY: 13.

TRAVIS: 18.

TALIESIN: 23.

MARISHA: Four.

MATT: Okay, so half-damage for you.

LAURA: But I have a plus nine acrobatics! Plus nine acrobatics!

LIAM: Doesn't matter.

LAURA: Doesn't matter on a natural crit fail.

TALIESIN: Still gonna knock me out.

MATT: Roll some fall damage here.

LAURA: I'm sorry, Scanlan!

LIAM: It's all right, I got the healer, I got the healer.

MARISHA: It's not gonna be good.

TRAVIS: You're gonna be like an ACME cartoon and just leave a (pff)

LAURA and LIAM: (pff)

MATT: 18 points of damage.

TALIESIN: I'm out.

MARISHA: You're out again?

LAURA: You're unconscious again?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: He didn't have a lot of hit points left.

LAURA: Oh no, we're all dead!

MARISHA: This the second time Grog's almost fallen to his death.

MATT: 18 points of damage to you. The rest of you all take 36 points of fall damage, except for Grog.

LIAM: Everybody, everybody?

LAURA: Everybody? As a group, like we all failed as a group?

MATT: Well, no, no, sorry. You succeeded, you rolled a–

LIAM: 18.

MATT: 18, so you would also take half-damage, so you would take 18 as well.

ASHLEY: I take–

MATT: You take half that as well, thanks to his roll as well.

TRAVIS: I rolled an 18.

ASHLEY: Everybody in this club getting hit points.

MATT: Right, you were in full plummet, you can reduce the damage slightly.

TRAVIS: Well, I was very graceful on the way down.

MATT: Yeah, you take 45 points of damage from the impact, Grog.

MARISHA: 45?

MATT: 45 points of damage.

MARISHA: Oh.

LIAM: It was halved, so eight.

MATT: And leave a small crater from the impact.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

MARISHA: You know what, that could've been worse.

LAURA: And I take 35?

MATT: You and Scanlan both take 36, which puts Scanlan into a negative as well, because he wasn't– he was not at–

LAURA: No, no! He was fully healed.

TRAVIS: Nope.

MATT: No, he wasn't.

LAURA: (Softly) Fuck.

LIAM: No, sorry, no.

MATT: So, you all tumble end over end, come to rest.

MARISHA: We just crash-landed in a war camp.

MATT: Yeah. On the far end of it, thankfully.

MARISHA: Oh boy.

MATT: You guys can hear the bells and the horns going in the distance. It looks like all the rest of the folks that were stationed here moved towards the center. You managed to arc over them, but they're going to be here shortly.

TRAVIS: Are we near their big war machines?

MATT: No, the ballistae are on the opposite–

ORION: So we can see the ledge and that cavern where we were, where we found the–

MATT: Well, the ledge is back in the other direction. You guys are going towards the tunnel on the opposite side.

LIAM: Vax is pulling up Pike onto her feet and dragging her towards Scanlan, 'cause I know how fucked up he was from the last battle.

ASHLEY: Where's Scanlan? How close–

MATT: Okay, you guys– and you, you're kinda getting up on your knees, coughing–

MARISHA: How, how–

ASHLEY: Percy's out, let's go–

LIAM: But so is Scanlan.

MATT: Percy's just face-down in the ground, scrapes across the side of his face.

ASHLEY: Scanlan's out, too? Fuck.

LIAM: Scanlan's out, too, right?

MATT: Scanlan's also out.

TRAVIS: How about– I'll give him a level three potion and you go heal Scanlan.

LAURA: No, you, here, you take care of him, I'm right next to Scanlan,

MATT: You guys are roughly about ten feet from each other from the impact, just, you were scattered, and then you kind of regrouped.

MARISHA: Okay. Can we see people running towards us?

MATT: Not yet, but you assume it's only a short period of time.

ORION: Yeah, yeah, we have some time left–

MARISHA: We don't, I don't know.

MATT: Grog, what you at?

TRAVIS: 39.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: She's doing a Mass Healing–

ASHLEY: A Mass Healing Word.

MATT: Okay. You barely get yourself out of the crater. That's gonna suck tomorrow!

MARISHA: Mass Healing Word?

LIAM: You take Scanlan, I'll take Percy.

LAURA: Okay! I'm gonna–

LIAM: Healing potions out.

MATT: As this is happening, Percy, go ahead and make a death saving throw.

LAURA: Oh!

TRAVIS: A death saving throw?

LIAM: Sorry, here's three–

TALIESIN: Is that– Is that just–

MATT: What did you roll?

TALIESIN: A nine.

MATT: That's a fail, so mark off one fail on your death saving throw on your sheet.

LAURA: (gasps)

ASHLEY and LAURA: No no no no!

TRAVIS: Oh shit!

LIAM: Sorry I'm late, Percy.

MATT: Scanlan does make his.

LIAM: He's all right, he's all right, he's all right. I've got a healing potion and I'm pouring it–

ASHLEY: But I'm doing–

LIAM: I'm pinching Percy's nose and pouring it in his mouth.

LAURA: And I'm pouring some down Scanlan's throat.

MATT: Okay, all right. So both you guys pour healing potions. That is– those are the normal ones? The common? The regular healing?

LIAM: I think so.

LAURA: Yeah?

MATT: 2d4 + 2. Go ahead and roll that.

LIAM: (whispers) 2d4 + 2.

TRAVIS: I'm taking a level two potion, myself. Just–

TALIESIN: 2d4 + 2?

MATT: Okay, go for it.

LIAM: Eight. Eight for Percy.

MATT: That's four–

TALIESIN: Oh! So I'm at plus eight now?

MATT and LIAM: Yes.

LIAM: You're up.

MATT: Scanlan also comes to consciousness.

LAURA: 2d4? That's pathetic.

MATT: That's the cheapest one you've got. 2d4 + 2.

LIAM: Let's get the fuck out of here and they can–

LAURA: Okay, fine.

TALIESIN: She was gonna do a Mass Healing–

MARISHA: Yeah, what's your Mass Healing Word?

ORION: I'd like to know– on the way down, I was doing a little chant and I was expending my sorcery points to do Flexible Casting, so I regain a slot spell on my third-level spells.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: As we're getting up, can I see– Is the camp nearby, where the prisoners are? Is that anywhere near us?

MATT: No, that's towards the center of the camp.

LIAM: We gotta keep moving. I pull out another corked potion and slap it into Percy's hand.

MARISHA: Yeah, we gotta go.

LIAM: And then grab him by the wrist and just start walking.

TALIESIN: I'm up.

MARISHA: Here, wait. Save the potion, I cast Healing Word on Percy.

ASHLEY: Hold on, I'm gonna do a Mass Cure Wounds.

LAURA: Mass Cure Wounds?

MATT: All right. So as you guys are running towards the back, towards the main tunnel, which you can now see, it's roughly a 40- by 30-foot tunnel. You go running through the buildings. You see a few duergar kinda poke out from the buildings.

LAURA: Can we stealth while we're doing this, or are we too, like, injured?

ORION: No, this is–

MATT: No, you guys are just bolting at this point. You're not even concentrating on stealth right now.

LAURA: Bolting it, right.

TALIESIN: This is, this is–

MATT: Plus, with the group– Basically, a few of you would stealth and the rest of you would be left in the dust, so you're just kind of all pushing for speed at this point.

LAURA: Okay.

ORION: Yeah.

MATT: You all manage to push towards the back of the entire war camp, into this tunnel. Hearing behind you the distant echoing shouts of approximately 30-plus duergar heading in your direction. You hear a few other ballista bolts hitting the wall above you of the stone.

ORION: Are we all in the tunnel?

MATT: You guys have now pushed into the tunnel.

ORION: I wait for everybody to pass and I cast all my Grand Columns.

MATT: Okay, how many can you–

ORION: Three.

MATT: Three per spell? And how many spell levels do you have currently?

ORION: That's it, that's what I did the SP for, so that I could cast this right now.

MATT: Right. So you have one.

ORION: I have none in my column.

MATT: Right. How many spell castings did you have left? Two?

ORION: No, I had one.

ASHLEY: (whispers) 24.

TALIESIN: 24?

LAURA: 24 mass?

ASHLEY: 24 mass cure.

MATT: One left. So you get three columns. It's 30 feet wide.

LAURA: Oh, she just healed everybody for 24 points.

ORION: (whispers) Oh, it's 30–

MARISHA: Oh, dope.

MATT: Okay, everyone heals for 24 points. Add that up.

LIAM: Oh, I feel good!

LAURA: I feel pretty good now.

TRAVIS: Dude! Kick that shit.

LAURA: What what!

ORION: It's not enough, is it?

MATT: No.

ASHLEY: (sighs) Okay. Including myself?

LIAM and TRAVIS: Yes.

ORION: Are the caves stone? Like the cave–

MATT: The walls are stone.

TRAVIS: Ugh, that's huge.

LAURA: Oh my god, it's major.

ORION: Can I like, do it from the side? Can I attempt to?

MATT: Pillars go straight up, unfortunately. It's the nature of the spell's creation.

MARISHA: Well wait, I can do what you're trying to do.

ORION: Oh! Oh yeah!

MARISHA: I do Wall Of Stone.

ORION: There you go!

MATT: Okay! So as you're trying to figure this out, Keyleth steps over–

MARISHA: I'm like, oh, is this, oh–

ORION: It's– Oh!

MARISHA: Sorry! You should've just– I would've– they're not very–

ORION: They're columns.

MARISHA: Yeah.

ORION: You're good. The wall's good.

MARISHA: Right.

ORION: Good.

LAURA: Are we running? I don't know what you guys are doing. What's happening right now?

MATT: As you guys are doing this and rushing in, you're realizing there's one member of your party that you haven't had a lot of time with–

LAURA and LIAM: Clarota!

MATT: – that you didn't think about until this moment.

LIAM: Clarota, yeah. Clarota.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah!

MATT: You now see, kind of, like, floating, via levitation ability, about 30 feet away, slowly descending towards you, as you're putting up the wall of stone–

ORION: Oh! Wait! Hold on!

TRAVIS: Come on Squidworth, over here!

MATT: Two bolts go firing towards him; one whooshes overhead, a second one–

MARISHA: Clarota!

MATT: (impact sound) – through his back, out the front of his chest–

LAURA: No!

MATT: – off the shoulder.

ORION: Come on! We need to save him!

LIAM: He's gotta have more than ten hit points.

ORION: Recess the wall, recess the wall!

MARISHA: Wait!

MATT: You can see now– and the bolt itself is about 4 feet long, made of this long, jagged, pointed arrow tip.

LAURA: Oh, man.

MATT: Clarota begins to falter, and begins to hover towards you, almost, like, trying to swim through the air in your direction.

LAURA: Can we run out, try to grab him?

ASHLEY: Can I grab him, hang on to him?

ORION: Oh!

MATT: He's about 20 feet from you now, you can try and reach out and put your hands towards him–

ORION: Boom!

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: I take off and run to him.

ORION: Now I cast Glacial Blast, right under him, like a slide, right towards us– and catch him.

MATT: Okay. So as you guys are running towards him, instead, this giant crystalline form of ice just–

LAURA: Oh, all right.

MATT: – crackles up into what looks like some sort of strange, winter festival slide that would be made for children in the center of town. Clarota–

ASHLEY: Awesome.

MATT: – as it descends, two more bolts come towards him. Both (whoosh, whoosh). At this distance, in the darkness of the cavern, it's kind of hard for them to get a bead on him. Both just pass overhead. With eyes kind of lolling, Clarota comes down and hits the edge of the slide, and almost loses consciousness at that moment, sliding through the ice. You guys manage to capture, grappling his arms, lift him to his feet–

MARISHA: And now, Wall Of Stone.

MATT: You all make it into the tunnel, Keyleth turns around, raising her hands, the actual blackened stonework of this tunnel shakes for a second, and then a giant, thick wall of natural rock closes off the entire tunnel behind you.

ORION: Nice.

LAURA: I love you, Trinket!

LIAM: Completely seals it?

MARISHA: Oh, gosh.

MATT: Completely seals it. You guys are now in complete darkness.

ORION: Ooh! Light!

MATT: As the light hits, you can hear, just on the other side of the surface of the stone wall, javelins, other things are being shot at the stone wall–

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: – but it's keeping it at bay. You guys are now at the wall, and behind you the tunnel continues into a passage you haven't seen yet.

TRAVIS: Whatever we do from here, I sprinkle dust of tracelessness behind us the whole time like a fucking flower girl.

(all laugh)

LIAM: They could have magic in their possession, they could use magic as well, so let's move.

LAURA: Yeah, they could get through it.

ORION: Yes.

TALIESIN: Will a healing potion work on Clarota?

ASHLEY: So, Clarota's with us?

LAURA: Clarota's with us.

ASHLEY: Can I go over to Clarota and try to heal him?

LAURA: Don't get too close, he might just suck in your brain.

MATT: You can certainly try.

TALIESIN: I've got a potion, so–

MARISHA: Grog?

ASHLEY: Should we give him a potion?

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: Do you have any ale?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I do have a cask, actually.

MARISHA: I think I need a drink.

TRAVIS: Right. I'll–

TALIESIN: What's a level two potion do?

TRAVIS: There you are.

MATT: A level two potion would be 4d4 + 4.

TRAVIS: I go and hold his shoulders–

MARISHA: I really need a drink.

TRAVIS: – whilst she tries to heal him, just in case he gets all sucky on her.

ASHLEY: I think he's gonna give him a potion.

TRAVIS: Oh.

TALIESIN: I am.

TRAVIS: That's much less–

LAURA: No!

LIAM: Felicia Day, that's not nice!

TRAVIS: Hey!

TALIESIN: 17 points of healing.

MATT: Okay. 17 points to Clarota.

ASHLEY: What'd she say?

MATT: Which– administering a potion to a mind flayer is an experience that very few in this world have probably ever, or ever will, experience. As you kind of reach over, grab his shoulder, you look for where to put it, and the tendrils kind of, like, flail about, but begin to– they, as he notices what you're doing, kind of relax and open up, and you can now see the circular, lamprey-like, toothy maw of the mind flayer. It's a very disturbing, disgusting image, with this jagged, yellow teeth, in a circular form. You pop the cork, and just pour it in. As you do, you see the wounds across Clarota's form begin to seal. The arrow is still stuck in its torso.

LAURA: Can we try to pull it out?

ASHLEY: Try to break off the part–

MATT: You can certainly try.

TRAVIS: I got it (snap)!

MATT: Go ahead and make a– this would be a medicine check.

LAURA: Do you wanna do that, Grog?

TRAVIS: I'll do the breaking part.

MATT: It's iron. It's solid iron.

ASHLEY: My medicine's a four.

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: Breaking it off is not gonna work.

ASHLEY: What's your medicine?

TRAVIS: So? Zero.

MATT: You have to pull it from the wound.

ASHLEY: Okay. I'll try.

TALIESIN: Who has a medicine?

LAURA: So what are you–

ASHLEY: A four.

LAURA: Okay. All right.

ASHLEY: What does everybody have?

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: Do it!

ASHLEY: Roll this guy? Okay. Nine?

MATT: A nine.

LAURA: (laughs) Oh no.

ASHLEY: Sorry!

MATT: So. You take your moment, you view up where the puncture wound is, with a little bit of Grog's help, you both grab the edge, and you're like, 'On three. One, two, three, pull!' You pull through the wound, not against the arrow–

TRAVIS: Right.

MATT: – 'cause that would just tear everything out in the process, but nevertheless, in doing so, Clarota does take an additional eight points of damage.

ASHLEY: I'm sorry.

MATT: But, the wound is now no longer a giant–

LAURA: Able to be healed.

MATT: – it's now able to be healed completely, so. Clarota takes a moment and kind of grasps the wound.

LAURA: I hand him a little healing potion, and say, sorry.

MATT: Shatters the glass. At which point, you now hear (impact sounds) against the stone wall.

LAURA: We should move!

ASHLEY: Time to go!

LIAM: Let's keep moving, yes? Yes.

TRAVIS: I pick up Clarota. Yeah, why not.

LAURA: Yeah, all right.

TRAVIS: I pick up Clarota and we start running balls.

LAURA: Is he good enough to walk or is he–

MATT: He's good enough to walk with you guys. Well–

TRAVIS: Well, how about I put one arm under his face and help him.

MATT: So you're helping him.

LIAM: No, that's– hold on a second. I take out the flying carpet–

LAURA: We still have the flying carpet?

LIAM: Sure we do!

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Here, sit on this, Clarota.

LAURA: If you need it.

LIAM: That'd be easier, yes.

MATT: Clarota gets up on the carpet and– "Thank you." The carpet kind of drifts alongside you guys. You guys are pushing backwards towards the cavern. The tunnel kind of begins to pinch a little bit. It gets to about a 15-foot width before it opens up again. You're about a hundred feet back. You can now see it opening into a– what looks like an extension of the war camp.

(all groan)

LAURA: We should've gone down! What were we thinking?

MATT: Go ahead and make a perception check.

LIAM: That guy was lying.

LAURA: Well, he said go down. We didn't go down.

LIAM: 21 for me.

LAURA: 13 for me. I like how my passive perception is way higher than any rolls that I ever do.

MATT: I do keep that– I keep tabs on that.

TALIESIN: 22.

MARISHA: Are we all doing perception rolls?

MATT: For the most part, we've got a few rolls, and it worked fine. Looking inside though, this camp looks like it's been abandoned.

LAURA: Oh, good!

MATT: It looks like it was built, and then the expansion into the war camp you just escaped from seemed to be the next step. Like it's slowly advancing and this section of it has been in disuse. As you push in towards the center of the camp you can see there's older campfires, lots of the tents have like partially collapsed. Dust has gathered.

LIAM: I'm keeping my eyes peeled for useful shit.

MATT: Okay. Looking around as well, you see all the equipment. Any pieces that would be of interest have either been taken– either destroyed and are broken or have probably been moved into the war camp. You glance through a couple of the tents. Looking about, it's definitely been abandoned. It no longer serves a purpose and anything of use has been stripped and taken. This cavern is maybe about 60 feet up or so. It's a little domed section, and you can now see there are two exit tunnels to this section. One that is kind of straight ahead, a little bit to the left. And one that veers off to the direct left of you. So if you're looking straight from the direction you came, there is one right ahead of you, a little bit to the left and one that goes quickly to the left.

LAURA: Should we take the left one?

TRAVIS: Which one's the left one?

MARISHA: He mentioned the left.

LAURA: Yeah, so maybe we should stay left.

MATT: Yeah, do that.

LIAM: Clarota, do you know anything about these passages?

LAURA: Do you remember anything?

MARISHA: Wait, why did he say that? Why did you say that?

MATT: 'Cause they're both kind of left. It's a joke. Clarota takes a moment and kind of looks at you, kind of– his breath. "I've not been this far up these tunnels. It's too dangerous this close to the war camp. I would've been killed in a second."

LAURA: What about the general's memory? Anything there?

MATT: He kind of closes his eyes for a second. "One of these leads below, one of them leads to the surface. I can't recall which."

LAURA: Can we go up and–

TRAVIS: Let's split up!

LAURA: No, can we go next to the one on the far left and see if I sense any like wind coming down, is there–

MATT: Going to the one on the far left, as you're stepping you hear a (muffled impact noise)–

LAURA: Oh, well, good.

MATT: – against the distant stone wall that you put up.

TRAVIS: I think we get to pick one here.

MARISHA: Are there any–

ASHLEY: He did say go left.

MATT: As you head to the tunnel, you don't sense any sort of temperature change, but it does seem to steady off into a decline that curves to the left.

LAURA: We should do that.

TALIESIN: Sounds good.

MARISHA: Do you mean, are there like– is there any wildlife, any bats, any type of animals, anything like that?

MATT: We shall say, a general sense of this area, you look and you can see, in this area, unlike the previous sections, there are small clusters of bats on the ceiling.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to–

MATT: As apparently they have an exit of some kind to the surface.

MARISHA: I'm going to go ahead and cast Beast Sense on one of the bats.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And I'm going to channel myself through the bat and I'm going to make him fly down the far left tunnel.

MATT: Okay. So as you guys are walking over there, one of the bats–

ASHLEY: Good call.

MATT: – heads down into the tunnel, continues into the darkness.

MARISHA: Can I just see–

MATT: From the echolocation, which is a very strange sensation, you haven't really done this before for a bat and it's a very weird experience.

MARISHA: Wow, guys, this is really trippy.

TALIESIN: We just hear (bat sounds).

MATT: It continues about a steady 40-degree decline that goes further and further down.

LAURA: Keep going down. Down, down, down.

MATT: Eventually, you get to a point where the bat is out of your sphere of influence and you lose your connection to the bat.

LAURA: Keep going down?

MARISHA: Well, I didn't really see much, but definitely there is a pretty steep incline. We could try it again and go down the other one.

LIAM: This is a coin flip.

LAURA: I think we keep going down. Just stick with it.

ORION: Hold on! Incline means up.

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: No, it's a decline.

MARISHA: Decline.

ORION: Decline means down.

LAURA: Well, then let's go with the decline. Yes?

TALIESIN: Yes.

LAURA: Let's do it!

TALIESIN: We go. With haste.

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: With haste!

LAURA: With stealth! With Dust of Tracelessness behind us.

TRAVIS: Hey, flower girl!

LAURA: Flower girl!

ORION: Actually, there's two tunnels, right?

MATT: There are two tunnels, yes.

ORION: And one's smaller than the other?

MATT: Correct.

ORION: Hm.

MATT: Yes?

TALIESIN: There's no right answer here. It's just–

ORION: I know.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

ORION: How big is the– how wide is the smaller one that we're going through?

MATT: There's one, the one on the far end, the one that does not appear to be a decline, seems to be the widest of the two.

TRAVIS: I pull out a torch. Will you light my torch?

ORION: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Nice.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: Are we going to the left?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I take off running to the left.

LAURA: Oh, god. Grog!

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Running, running?

TRAVIS: Running!

LIAM: Really running?

TRAVIS: Running to the left.

ORION: Oh man, oh no!

MATT: Grog goes charging into the darkened tunnel to the very left–

LAURA: Grog! Stop!

ORION: Let's go, everybody!

MARISHA: There he goes!

LAURA: I'm gonna take off after him.

MATT: The heavy footsteps of Grog disappearing into the darkness–

TRAVIS: (maniacal laugh)

LAURA: We take off after him, 'cause he needs help.

ORION: Let's go!

MARISHA: Grog, Grog! Don't run too far ahead– He's gone.

MATT: You guys give chase.

LAURA: Yes.

LIAM: It's like having Goofy as a party member.

(all laugh)

LIAM: (Goofy laugh)

ASHLEY: Hodor!

TRAVIS: Hah. Hodor.

ASHLEY: Hodor.

MATT: As you guys catch up to Grog, which isn't too hard–

TRAVIS: What? I'm fast.

MATT: Are you going to a full sprint, though?

TRAVIS: No, no, no. I mean. A leisurely jog.

MATT: Right. You catch up to Grog. The tunnel itself is about 30 feet wide, 20 feet tall. And it is a slow, continuously gradual decline and curve to the left.

LAURA: Can you do another wall?

MATT: Like a spiral, downward.

LAURA: No?

TRAVIS: Maybe we could do a cave-in.

LAURA: Well, that might be dangerous.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but it'd be fun.

MATT: You guys continue for another 20 or so minutes down, before it opens up into a small alcove to the right, but the tunnel continues. This alcove, it's about 35, 40 feet in, and it looks like there are remnants here of a camp that was set up once. Similar to the war camp, but once again abandoned, or at least currently not in use.

LIAM: Any useful shit?

LAURA: Can we go, oh! Can we go in? We should probably rest, heal up, get our spells back. Can you cast the illusion terrain and make it look like there's no hole in the cavern here?

MARISHA: No. I can't, today. I'm sorry.

ORION: If this is where we're gonna be chilling, I can seal off that tunnel still.

LAURA: But we have to be able to get back out.

ORION: Right.

TRAVIS: Not necessarily.

ASHLEY: If I–

LIAM: No! If you seal off the passage, right, we keep going down, and if that's a dead end– it's probably not– if it is, can't we rest and use the same spell to open it up?

ORION: No, it's permanent.

LIAM: That sucks.

ORION: But we would just have Grog hack away at it for a while–

TRAVIS: Thank you!

ORION: It can be, you know, destroyed.

TRAVIS: They do call me 'Grog the Locksmith.'

ORION: Right!

TRAVIS: They don't call me that.

LAURA: Can we go in and look at the camp and see, like, stealthily–

MATT: Yeah!

LAURA: – check out what the camp is?

MARISHA: I can make it really foggy.

MATT: Go ahead and make an investigate check.

MARISHA: I could do that.

LIAM: Yes, we know that about you.

TRAVIS: Oh, I can too!

LIAM: What about in the game, though?

MARISHA: I can make it look like a–

LAURA: 20.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Well, that's a different story.

MATT: As you guys are having this conversation, Vex does a quick glance over, there are about four tents that are still set up, there appears to be a small ring where a fire was set up, and you can see kind of bits of charcoal–

TALIESIN: Yes!

MATT: – and bits of long, long, long forgotten burnt meat, remnants, charcoal, and such there.

TRAVIS: I have two firewood bundles.

TALIESIN: I'm gonna look for a seal, to see if there's a seal anywhere around.

MATT: You do see, on one of the walls–

TALIESIN: Bam!

MATT: – there is a similar seal of Bahamut.

LAURA: (gasps) Oh! This was her camp!

TALIESIN: Kima was here!

LAURA: Kima was here!

MARISHA: #kimawashere.

MATT: However, there are four tents here–

LAURA: Oh.

ORION: Kima was here.

MATT: Which means– previously you saw just one, from what you saw. There are four here.

TRAVIS: She had babies.

MATT: It's an interesting change to your appearance. Means either been repurposed, or there were more people with her, or since then the tent, the camp has been used by other individuals aside from her.

TRAVIS: Oh.

MATT: However, glancing through, you do notice that there are a few discarded travel bags–

LAURA: Mine! Mine! Mine!

MARISHA: Ooh!

MATT: – carrying rope, grappling hooks, general cluster of torches, about eight in total–

LAURA: Okay, that's nice. Torch, torch, torch, torch.

TRAVIS: Thank you! Bag of holding, bag of holding.

MATT: And as you glance about you can see, in this alcove, looking at the dirt itself, it looks like there was a serious struggle. You can start seeing drag mark–

LAURA: Can I use Tracking and see what happened, like Prince Humperdink, please? Can do?

MATT: Ah, well, this is part of your investigation roll, essentially.

LAURA: Okay, okay.

MATT: Unless you want to track to where the tracks went, that's a different story. That's–

LAURA: Well, can I see who was attacked first? Does it look like Kima was attacked, or she–

MATT: It's hard to tell, you see some of the footsteps, and some of the drag marks, while mostly worn over, elements do show some of the fairer folk. The duergar have a very distinct footprint or size. You do see one that resembles more of, like, gnomish or halfling origin. You see drag marks in the dirt, you see other individuals, looks like there were chunks of rock that have been chopped off the side of the wall that look fresh, where you can see the soot that has settled into this part of the cavern is no longer visible where these scratch marks basically took off and exposed fresh rock.

LAURA: The drag marks, do they lead outside of the alcove and down?

MATT: They do, and they lead down the tunnel further.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Let's go that way, or are we resting?

LAURA: Do we need to rest? I mean–

LIAM: I think we should rest.

ORION: I need to rest.

LAURA: – I feel like we need to get our spells back, otherwise we're just gonna get killed.

ORION: Yes.

MARISHA: Are we being chased right now?

TALIESIN: Possibly.

ORION: Possibly.

MARISHA: Are people hot on our tail?

ORION: Possibly.

TALIESIN: We can rest in shifts.

LAURA: Yeah. I guess that's the best thing to do.

TRAVIS: I'll stay awake.

LIAM: I'm totally fine at the moment, so I'll stay awake too.

ORION: Should I seal the tunnel?

MARISHA: I need to sleep.

LAURA: Maybe seal the tunnel behind us, yeah, so that–

LIAM: Yes.

LAURA: – if they do come, they have to like, try to get through.

ASHLEY: I can stay, I can stay awake too, I'm okay.

ORION: Cool.

ASHLEY: So maybe everybody sleep–

ORION: So I do.

MATT: Okay. So you use your spell, you seal off the tunnel with pillars. You can just barely get most of the entranceway covered, there's a couple of small slivers and spaces between.

ORION: But we would sure hear them, if they were–

LAURA: Trying to get through, yeah.

MATT: Yeah. If they were.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: All right. So you guys end up making camp, are you guys lighting a fire? Or are you keeping it dark? What's your plan?

TRAVIS: Yeah. I've got two firewood bundles in the bag of Ikea holding.

TALIESIN: I don't think we need a fire.

LIAM: I don't think it's a good idea.

ASHLEY: Do we need a fire?

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: We're fine. It's warm down here.

MATT: It's fairly warm.

LIAM: Yes.

ORION: Oh.

TRAVIS: Then, no?

(all laugh)

LIAM: We've got Tiberius, if he's awake, can cast Light, let's just go into one of these tents.

TRAVIS: I wanna burn something.

LAURA: I know.

MARISHA: Yeah, two to a tent.

LAURA: You can keep burning a torch.

MARISHA: We can each have our own tent! There's enough.

LAURA: Stick it in the ground.

TRAVIS: Is there anything made of wood down here?

ORION: I actually have to rest completely, so I can't do shifts.

TRAVIS: I want to set it on fire.

MATT: Okay. Fair enough.

ORION: I need all my spell slots.

MARISHA: I need to sleep as well.

MATT: What wood there is, is used charcoal in the abandoned fire pit, unfortunately.

ASHLEY: Yeah, but can you–

TRAVIS: I wanted to pyro shit.

MATT: You guys get set up?

LIAM: I pull out some dice, so that Grog and I can gamble while everyone are sleeping.

TRAVIS: Ooh!

MATT: Fair enough.

TALIESIN: How much does a rest heal? Out of curiosity?

MATT: A rest heals you to full.

TALIESIN: Oh, excellent.

LAURA: Oh, sweet! Yeah, let's fully rest.

TALIESIN: Do I have time to do a quick engineering feat, as well?

MATT: You do not have–

TALIESIN: Oh, okay. Never mind.

MATT: Like at this point, I mean, you could– what're you trying to do? I should say.

TALIESIN: Make an explosive arrow. I'm just in a mood.

MATT: Do you have any currently built explosives?

TALIESIN: No, but I have gunpowder.

MATT: You know what, I'll let you go ahead and try it with just your tinker's kit–

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: Tinker's?

MATT: It's gonna be a difficult–

TALIESIN: That's fine!

MATT: – roll, but go for it.

TALIESIN: What do I add? Am I just straight roll?

MATT: You add your proficiency bonus, which is, the tinker's kit is four.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay. Proficiency bonus. 15?

MATT: 15? Okay, okay. You manage to fasten what appears to be a black powder, impact-based explosive to the tip of an arrow. It's a little weighty and unwieldy, it might not be the most accurate thing in the world, but if it hits it's probably gonna pack a punch.

TALIESIN: Okay. I have another gift.

LAURA: You do?

TALIESIN: Explosive arrow!

LAURA: This is the best day ever!

TALIESIN: It's a bit iffy.

LIAM: (Cary Elwes voice) Gently! Gently!

ORION: It's a bit iffy.

LAURA: Gently!

MARISHA: Don't trust it!

TALIESIN: It's a bit iffy.

LAURA: I gingerly put it in my quiver.

ORION: More like a shotgun.

TALIESIN: It'll get better. It'll get better.

TRAVIS: Can you make me an explosive axe?

MATT: You very gingerly place it within your quiver.

LAURA: Oh god, all right.

TALIESIN: I don't think you want an explosive axe.

MATT: It's heavy in the tip.

TRAVIS: Why?

MATT: It's one of those things where, you know, shooting it is going to be an interesting challenge.

LAURA: Should I keep it away from the rest of my stuff?

MATT: That's up to you!

LAURA: Is there a possibility it could explode just–

ORION: You haven't even played with your hammer yet!

MATT: I dunno.

TALIESIN: It's very unlikely to explode on by itself. 'Cause it needs to be moving at a high speed. But it's just not the best thing ever.

LAURA: Maybe I won't keep it straight behind my head.

TALIESIN: Yeah, no. Not straight behind.

LAURA: Let's just kind of keep it down at my waist–

LIAM: Off to the side.

LAURA: With the dagger, maybe.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Is that cool?

TALIESIN: The next one will be better.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: All right. Did we all rest? Are we all rested?

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: As the evening transpires, you all get your evenings of rest, you guys kind of keeping watch, gambling away. At a certain point, throughout the evening, something perks up your ears. You begin hearing footsteps, many footsteps.

LIAM: Many footsteps.

LAURA: (gasps) Oh no. How many is many? A lot.

LIAM: How many does it sound like?

MATT: It sounds like anywhere between six, ten, more–

LIAM: From, right, from up? Or down.

MATT: From above, yeah.

LIAM: From above.

TRAVIS: Up. Oh.

LAURA: We should wake up.

ASHLEY: From above?

TRAVIS: Like, the ceiling? Or–

LAURA: Well like the– no, no, no. From like–

ASHLEY: Like where you have the–

LAURA: Up the path, right?

MATT: Up the path you guys came from.

LIAM: Wait. Grog and I are the only ones awake, right?

ASHLEY: That he shielded off?

ORION: Yeah, it's sealed.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: Grog and I are the only ones awake.

ORION: Right.

LIAM: Do we lay low, and hold quiet in these tents? Or do we get everyone up?

LAURA: They're gonna know, 'cause we blocked off the friggin' path! I'm asleep. Sorry.

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I'm still awake.

TRAVIS: Lay low. Let them come.

LIAM: I think so.

LAURA: (whispers) What? You're just really–

TRAVIS: Keep sleeping and shut up!

LIAM: No, no, no, I rouse my sister quietly.

LAURA: What?

TRAVIS: Oh. Fine.

LIAM: She's in this tent.

TRAVIS: Wake her up.

LAURA: What's going–

LIAM: (whispers) Quiet.

MATT: All right. Leaving the rest asleep?

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: I stealth.

MATT: The three of you make a stealth check.

TRAVIS: I stealth as well.

MATT: You do, Grog. You do.

LAURA: God damn.

TRAVIS: Fuck yeah! A two!

LAURA: I should stop rolling this fucking dice.

TRAVIS: 17.

ASHLEY: Wait, are you guys asleep?

LIAM: 23.

MARISHA: I'm still passed out.

LAURA: Oh! Yeah, that was a one. This, by the way–

MATT: Again?

LAURA: – was given to me by Wil Wheaton.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Wake up your sister.

LAURA: Thank you, Wil.

TRAVIS: It was just us boys–

MATT: Thank you, Wil.

TRAVIS: – and then you woke her up.

MATT: All right, so–

ASHLEY: Wait, I was awake too.

MATT: You were awake too?

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: At this point? You weren't resting?

TRAVIS: What. You?

LAURA: No, she was–

TRAVIS: Oh, she was actually awake.

ASHLEY: Because I was, I was still at full–

LAURA: (whispers) But you needed your spells.

MATT: Okay, then–

ASHLEY: Oh, but my spells? Actually–

MATT: If you're not resting you don't get your spells back.

ORION: Yeah, you need–

ASHLEY: – I fell asleep! I totally forgot. I am sound asleep.

MARISHA: Totally forgot I fell asleep!

ASHLEY: I was dreaming–

TRAVIS: She dreamed, in the dream she was still awake.

MATT: You are welcome to stay awake if you want, but you just won't get your spells back.

ASHLEY: I was dreaming, it was real–

MATT: You'd probably be exhausted.

ASHLEY: – I was so confused, by my dream.

TALIESIN: You were just going all Inception on us.

LIAM: You know, when you can't fall asleep–

ASHLEY: My perception was off.

LIAM: – and you're like, am I dreaming? Or is this the dream? Or is it real?

TALIESIN: Spin the top. Spin the top.

ASHLEY: I was totally sleeping.

LIAM: And you wake up, and you have to pee, it's hard to tell.

ASHLEY: And I spaced.

TRAVIS: So the three of us are up.

ASHLEY: I was asleep.

MATT: All right. So. Between the three of you, thankfully, you had two successes against one failure. You manage to cover for your sister–

LIAM: Shake it off.

LAURA: Thank you, thank you.

MATT: – who, who, 'Huh? What? What?'

LAURA: Ah– what? What?

MATT: When you wake her up.

LIAM: Sh! Sh.

MATT: You guys quietly wait–

TRAVIS: Oh no, that was a bad expression!

LIAM: Daggers out! Daggers out!

ASHLEY: Or that was good?

MATT: All right. So.

LAURA: Oh no. Did eyebrows go up?

TALIESIN: (whistles In the Hall of the Mountain King)

MATT: The footsteps progress through, and you– there's no light source, as duergar for the most part do not require light to see in the tunnels.

LAURA: Can we see through the dark– but we can see in the dark?

MATT: You guys have low-light vision, not dark vision.

LIAM: Not dark vision.

LAURA: There's no light in this area at all?

TRAVIS: No! It's balls-ass dark!

LIAM: There's no fire–

MATT: No, it is pitch black. You just hear–

LIAM: On purpose no fire.

MATT: – you just hear the footprints go by.

TRAVIS: Good thing we didn't make a campfire!

LIAM: Sh, sh!

MATT: You hear them approach the outskirts of the alcove.

ASHLEY: I have dark vision, gosh dang it!

MATT: But you're asleep.

ASHLEY: I'm fucking sleeping.

MATT: Yes, you are.

(all laugh)

ASHLEY: Bad choices, all around!

LIAM: They're going!

MATT: As the footsteps approach the outskirts of the alcove, the rest of you sleeping soundly, unaware of what's transpiring– A few moments pass, and the footprints appear to be passing, past, downward into the tunnel.

(all laugh)

MATT: Eventually, when the footfalls dissipate, and silence once again takes the camp, you breathe a sigh of relief and remove your hand from Vex's face.

TRAVIS: Well, maybe just leave it there.

LIAM: Last time I did that I got kicked in the nuts, very hard.

TRAVIS: And liked it.

MATT: All right. So. Eventually, when you feel enough time has passed, where those who've been resting come from their sleep, spells recovered, wounds are healed, except for those who didn't sleep, you guys maintain the same health you had previously.

ASHLEY: What a good sleep I've had! I have all my spells back!

MATT: That also puts a level of exhaustion– So. There is one level of exhaustion on both of you currently.

LIAM: Sure. So what does that do to us?

LAURA: Oh no.

ORION: Ah. You fools!

MATT: It just means any ability checks you take–

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: So, any skills you take are at disadvantage until you get a full night's rest.

TRAVIS: I'll take one more level two potion right now.

LIAM: Skill? Skill. Okay.

TRAVIS: One more level two potion.

MATT: Okay. You can use– remember, you can use your hit dice to heal still, before you start throwing potions around. If you have a moment to rest–

LAURA: Hit dice. We forgot about that because it wasn't there before.

MATT: Yeah. (sings) Fifth Edition! Before you start throwing potions around, 'cause remember, you're far away from civilization right now, you have a very limited number of potions now to lead you through here, unless you find some way to return to the surface.

LIAM: Just for emergencies.

ORION: What's happening?

LIAM: In combat.

MATT: So. You all eventually come back to consciousness, in this darkened alcove, pitch black. It is still warm, slight smell of soot and dust in the air, what do you guys want to do?

LIAM: I have a question.

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Outside of existence. Tiberius put up a stone, right?

MATT: Mm-hm.

LIAM: But I didn't hear any (impact sounds), right?

LAURA: Oh, no, he put it up next to our alcove. So, they just kind of passed by our alcove.

MATT: It basically matched the wall as you guys went around.

LIAM: Oh. So we sealed ourselves into this little pocket?

LAURA: Yes. We did.

LIAM: Oh. We didn't even friggin' need to hide in the tent! We were in a little bubble of air!

LAURA: Well, no, well, it's pillars, though, they could have–

MATT: You're not completely in there.

LAURA: – they could have seen us.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: He could block off most of it, there's like little spaces between–

LIAM: Spaces. Okay. All right. Thank you.

LAURA: I think we should all freshen up, since it's a new day!

LIAM: Right. We're all healed, maybe– Does anyone have to pee? Or perhaps–

LAURA: Yeah, that.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: That.

ORION: Is anyone particularly dirty?

LAURA: Intermission!

MATT: Indeed. So. This, given the point in time that you all wake from your slumber, we'll continue this in a few minutes. In the meantime, we're gonna go ahead and go to our intermission break. See you guys back here in about 12 minutes or so.

Break
MARISHA: Oh, cool.

ZAC: So we're gonna update everyone real quick.

MATT: All right, what you got, man?

ZAC: You guys can go, you guys can go.

MATT: Go, go!

ZAC: Matt and I are gonna chat. Lucas, can you turn down all the other mics while they're exiting?

(fart noises in background)

ZAC: So guys, we already gave away one promo kit, so we reached our first goal.

MATT: Awesome. Fantastic.

ZAC: That's one. I'm gonna bring out a poster for you guys to sign that we'll put inside the promo kit with it.

MATT: Perfect.

ZAC: And we're actually pretty close to giving away our second promo kit. So, just so you guys know– what the shit? If we get another 50, I think it's like 40 more, or 38 more? The number's on the bottom. We'll give away another promo kit, and these guys will all sign the poster that goes inside, and we'll get that shipped out to you as quickly as possible.

MATT: Yeah, do it.

ZAC: That's pretty much the only update there. Oh, do you want to make a quick mention about the charity that you guys work with? Because we've been posting that in the chat room.

MATT: Yes, yes. Yes, 826LA, guys, is a charity that we've been been trying to raise money for. Essentially, it's a Los Angeles-based, also in San Francisco and other parts of the nation. It helps teach and tutor children in literacy, storytelling– it's a really great charity. Go ahead and look on the website 826LA.com for any and all information you require on it. But they are a really good cause, they're good people, and been a fan of their work for a long time. So we are happy to help however we can and however you guys are able to help as well. So.

ZAC: Great. If the mods want to post the command 'criticalrole', you guys can link to that charity and we'll go ahead and roll those videos so you guys can get updated on the characters, and we'll be back in a little bit.

MATT: See you guys in a little bit.

[character intros]

Part II
MATT: Welcome back, guys. All right, I think everyone is sufficiently rested and bathroom breaked.

LAURA: Yep.

MATT: And so we will pick it back up. So as you all regain consciousness and prepare yourselves for the day ahead, once again, you've gone a number of days without sunlight, without any vision of the sky. It's a very disorienting experience for all of you who are unfamiliar with subterranean territory. Even though you are rested, you don't feel rested. There's kinks in your back from the rocky floor. The best you could find yourself any sort of comfort here is from whatever you have on your back. Most of you sleep in your armor out of necessity and paranoia. As consciousness comes to you, you guys are able to try and find your way back out now that you've been sealed in.

LAURA: Can we squish through the little cracks?

MATT: No.

LAURA: We have to cut it down?

MATT: You have about a five, six-inch gap between each of them.

LAURA: So we've gotta break our way out of here, Grog.

TRAVIS: Oh, do I get to hit things?

MATT: You do.

LIAM: Start smacking the wall.

TRAVIS: My god.

ASHLEY: Can I just give it a try, just to see? Try make a dent.

MATT: Yeah, go ahead and make an athletics check.

TRAVIS: And just to try it out, I would like bring out the flaming hammer of–

MATT: Actually, for this I would say it's a straight strength check. This is just physicality, strength against the stonework.

LIAM: Might need to take your armor off.

ASHLEY: Strength is?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Oh, it's right here.

TRAVIS: 23.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: With the hammer.

ASHLEY: Ten.

MARISHA: We're playing pillar pinata.

MATT: All right, so as Pike– as you go and swing at the pillar, you impact with all your might and the pillar cracks at the impact. You're like, 'that is awesome', then you look up a few inches and notice that Grog's ax is also in the same pillar.

ASHLEY: Oh.

(all laugh)

ASHLEY: Yay teamwork, teamwork.

TRAVIS: Yay, you loosened it up for me.

ASHLEY: Yeah I did!

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: (singing) That's fuckin' teamwork.

ASHLEY: Best pals!

MATT: You guys, you take five or six minutes or so. You manage to hack away enough in one of the pillars to leave enough room to squeeze through. It takes a while. You manage to cleave that open. You all gather your things, you group together and you can continue in whichever direction you wish.

ASHLEY: Down.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we're going down.

MATT: All right, as you guys–

LAURA: Stealth!

LIAM: There are also some, I believe some duergar we didn't tell you–

LAURA: Ahead of us.

LIAM: Yes, while you were sleeping in the middle of the night, duergar walked– I assume–

LAURA: Dooragar?

LIAM: Duraga.

LIAM: (in odd accent) Duergar, some duergar walked down the passageway while you were sleeping.

TALIESIN: Doo-agar.

ORION: Duragar.

ASHLEY: Dooagar.

LIAM: But we thought it best to lay low and they went on.

MARISHA: That's good.

LAURA: Yes.

LIAM: So, steady as she goes.

LAURA: They might be ahead of us.

TALIESIN: We should probably be quiet.

MARISHA: Before we leave, I wanna go ahead and take a minute to meditate. If you guys can, you know, just watch while I meditate.

TALIESIN: Oh god.

LAURA: And lend our energy to you.

MARISHA: Yes, if you guys could lend your positive energy it would be very helpful.

TRAVIS: (fart sounds)

MARISHA: So I can Commune With Nature.

TALIESIN: I'll be out of the hole.

MARISHA: I want to do Commune (pronouncing incorrectly) With Nature.

MATT: Commune? (pronouncing correctly)

MARISHA: Yes, or Commune, whatever.

MATT: You wanna start a commune in nature?

TRAVIS: Commune.

MARISHA: Yeah, I want to start a commune in nature.

TALIESIN: Commune in a commune.

ORION: Can we do that? How high is that roll again?

MARISHA: Commune in commune in a commune.

LIAM: Going the homeopathic route, I like it.

MARISHA: That one.

MATT: Okay, keeping the best essence–

TALIESIN: Oh god.

MATT: – of the scenery around you, you take a moment. What's the reach of that one?

MARISHA: Just read it, where is it?

MATT: Whatcha got?

MARISHA: Three miles.

MATT: Three miles. The natural entities that you can sense in this cavern system are the few clusters of bats that exist in the back portion of the war camp that you guys just ran from. That's about it, I mean, there are a few other strange things that you've seen that live down here, but they wouldn't be anything that you would naturally sense.

TRAVIS: What more do you see?

MARISHA: Lots of bats. They're very nice bats

TRAVIS: Well, that's good.

ORION: I love bats.

MARISHA: Very pleasant, they're very friendly. That's about it.

ORION: Very good.

LAURA: Bats.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Bats.

MARISHA: Okay, carry on, let's go.

TRAVIS: Oh, good.

LAURA: All right.

MARISHA: Thank you for your positive energy.

LAURA: Nice.

MATT: All right, you guys step back into the tunnel, all of you squeezing through with the rest of your materials, heading further down. About 15 minutes of travel go by and the very air itself is becoming steadily warmer.

TALIESIN: It's humid in here.

MATT: The smell is this combination of still water, groundwater type of a scent mixed with an ever-growing kind of sulfur-type, brimstone smell.

LIAM: Smells like Grog.

TRAVIS: I would like to trip Vax.

(all laugh)

LIAM: That was quick.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: As he's walking.

LIAM: I insult you and you trip me in a half a second? Would you like to take a shot at my nads as well?

LAURA: You knew it was coming, as well.

MATT: Make an athletics check.

TRAVIS: Yes! 24!

MATT: Make an acrobatics check.

TRAVIS: Suck it, elf.

LIAM: What goes around comes around, baby. 22.

MARISHA: Ooh.

MATT: (impact sound) Face down, Vax.

TRAVIS: Yes!

MATT: A slight bruise on the cheek as you go faceplanting into the stonework ahead of you.

TALIESIN: For god's sake.

LIAM: I'm going to voluntarily erase one hit point.

TRAVIS: What, what happened? What happened? Did you not stealth past that little pebble?

LIAM: It's all right, when the illithid general is bearing down on your walnut-sized brain–

TRAVIS: Yeah?

LIAM: I may be there, I may not.

ASHLEY: Hey! Don't be rude to him!

LAURA: You guys, you guys.

TRAVIS: Oh, I'm so happy right now.

LAURA: These caverns are getting to us.

(all laugh)

MATT: Clarota shuffles alongside you guys.

LIAM: Right, everyone, we're getting slap-happy.

LAURA: All right, all right, all right, let's call this.

TRAVIS: That's all I wanted.

ASHLEY: Lack of oxygen.

LAURA: We're going crazy down here.

MARISHA: Grog, it's only 9:30 in the morning.

ORION: I feel fine.

MARISHA: For christ's sake.

MATT: As you guys are walking, you're welcome to make chatter, any discussions you'd like.

LIAM: That was a high acrobatics roll. I think the DM wanted me to eat shit.

MATT: No, it was yours versus his.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Oh, really? It was a direct contest?

MATT: It was a direct versus 24 versus 22. He won.

LIAM: You still wanted me to eat shit.

MATT: No, it's up to the rolls, man.

MARISHA: So wait, we get a chance to chat for a second?

ORION: Yes.

MARISHA: Pike, did you ever fully tell us what all you saw in your vision? I mean, have you perhaps had any more visions?

LAURA: Visions? You had a vision?

ASHLEY: I did, I did.

LAURA: What?

ASHLEY: So, when I stayed away, I went to a shrine of Sarenrae, just to sorta see, 'cause I had a feeling that I'd been here, or something like that. So in this vision, I basically saw what we've been going through already.

MARISHA: What?

ASHLEY: And what the soldier was talking about. So I saw something that was– there was a single twisted horn of blackened soul matter.

LAURA: Oh, soul matter?

MARISHA: Soul matter?

TALIESIN: Oh.

LIAM: Sounds dirty.

ASHLEY: It was a point of concentrated evil.

ORION: Oh.

LAURA: This horn?

ASHLEY: Yes.

MARISHA: Concentrated evil.

ORION: Nasty horn.

ASHLEY: And it was so strong that I couldn't stay in the vision, because I could feel that it was taking over, so I pulled me out of the dream, among various things. But I saw–

MARISHA: Like the horn of Sauron?

ASHLEY: The horn of Sauron, is what it said.

ORION: Is that your cousin?

LIAM: Did you see any whales?

LAURA: The horn of–

ASHLEY: I didn't see whales.

LIAM: No whales.

LAURA: Okay, no narwhals.

MARISHA: No whales, no narwhals.

LAURA: The horn of K'varn, yes?

ASHLEY: Yes.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Horn of evil.

ASHLEY: I some visions of where sort of– 'Cause I kind of went in past and then got to this thing. So I guess depending on where we are–

LAURA: Can you lead in the direction to go?

ASHLEY: Yes, if I see things that are familiar. Such as–

(all laugh)

ASHLEY: I went past a jagged onyx-colored fortress framed in molten rock.

LIAM: Oh.

LAURA: I think that probably–

MARISHA: The place we're heading.

LAURA: The place we're going to.

ASHLEY: Yes.

LIAM: That sounds creepy

ASHLEY: Past a field of broken glass and bone.

ORION: Right.

MARISHA: We haven't seen that. Oh no.

TRAVIS: Obsidian, maybe?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Or just melted sand.

TRAVIS: I mean, whatever that is.

ASHLEY: And the prettiest was into a cavern of blue crystal, where a fungal fortress–

LAURA: A fungal fortress?

MARISHA: Ooh.

ASHLEY: – sort of entwined an ancient city of marble and jade–

ORION: Three different places.

LIAM: That sounds really shitty.

LAURA: Did the blue gemstones look valuable?

MARISHA: It sounds amazing, that doesn't sound shitty.

MATT: As you start to mention that now, Clarota kind of nods and says,

LIAM: It feels a bit– broken glass.

MATT: "Aye, that's where the colony resides."

LAURA: Your colony?

MATT: "Our great city."

LIAM: In which of those places? In the–

LAURA: In the fungal city.

LIAM: Fungal.

MATT: "Amongst the ruins of jade and glass."

LAURA: (whispers) Jade.

ORION: Is that where we should go?

MARISHA: That's Yug'Voril?

MATT: "Surrounded by the forest."

MARISHA: That's Yug'Voril?

MATT: "The city below Yug'Voril, that is where the temple resides, where K'varn holds the Elder Brain."

LAURA: Ah.

ORION: Ah, this is where we need to go, I'm assuming.

MATT: "Ah, yes."

LIAM: He sounds like a real fun-guy.

TRAVIS: Oh god.

(all groan)

TALIESIN: Trip him again, trip him again.

MARISHA: Trip him again!

LIAM: I'm a dad.

(all laugh)

LAURA: So I bet the fortress–

MATT: Make a will saving throw.

(all laugh)

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

LIAM: What is that? Wisdom?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: 12.

MATT: Okay, you feel a mental slap as Clarota glares at you from across the tunnel. "There'll be none of that in my presence."

TRAVIS: You got bitch-slapped.

MATT: "I hate puns."

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: (high-pitched voice) I hate puns.

LIAM: Noted, noted.

LAURA: So I bet, first fortress you saw, I bet the one of obsidian was where–

LIAM: Percy's losing his shit.

ORION: There's a bathroom right over there, Percy.

LAURA: – where Lady Kima is being held.

ASHLEY: I think–

LAURA: I bet that's the one, because he mentioned molten lava or something. So she's being held there and then further in is K'varn.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

ORION: So get there, get K'varn.

MATT: "Yes, Emberhold, yes."

LAURA: Emberhold, yes. Is that an obsidian fortress?

MATT: "It is black and jagged, I think, yes."

LAURA: Well, let's keep going that way.

MARISHA: So the ultimate question is, are we heading the right way? Are we heading the right way, Pike, do you know?

ASHLEY: Can I perception check?

(all laugh)

MATT: You guys are unfamiliar with this tunnel, Clarota is unfamiliar with this tunnel. All you know is it's going down. That's better than up.

ASHLEY: I feel like that's the way we need to go.

LAURA: So, just keep going, then?

TALIESIN: Let's keep going.

TRAVIS: Do I need to take off running again?

LAURA: No.

ASHLEY: I think basically we need to go down, 'cause if we go up that means we're going out.

LAURA: Yeah, let's keep going.

TRAVIS: We can go–

MATT: You guys press forward and you begin to encounter little trickles on the ceiling of orange, glowing little puddles.

LAURA: Avoid that!

MARISHA: If we learned anything from Minecraft–

(all laugh)

LAURA: Don't touch that.

MATT: Progressing further down, you start seeing large clusters, little pools of molten rock beginning to form under certain sections. In a little ways up, you begin hearing some additional footsteps to your own. Further down the tunnel.

LAURA: Oh. Can we stealth, can we stealth? And my favored terrain is the Underdark.

MATT: It is.

LAURA: I don't know what that means, though.

(all laugh)

LAURA: No, no, no, I know. But I don't know what favored terrain gives me, because I tried to look it up and couldn't find it.

ASHLEY: You just love it.

LAURA: Does it give me an advantage?

MATT: Here, there's a sheet that has all the information you need.

LAURA: Oh good, thank you.

ORION: By the way, I take one of the earrings from Scanlan and give it to Grog. So Grog, now you've got one of the–

TRAVIS: I've got an earring?

MATT: Scanlan is not happy about this.

ORION: Well? He's not saying anything.

LIAM: Everyone, there's footsteps coming from ahead. Let Vex'ahlia and I scout ahead. Wait for a moment.

LAURA: Yes, okay. Let's go.

MATT: Stealth checks, both of you.

LAURA: Yes, finally.

LIAM: 22 for me.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: The same for me, actually. Twinsies. Sorry.

MATT: All right, so you guys vanish into the darkness best as you can tell, kind of weaving between the portions of the tunnel that naturally shift and give you moments where you can hide up inside. As you guys hold back, you guys push ahead, and you can see the little points of glowing light where these lava pools every 100 or so feet begin to appear. You begin listening out, and you hear these footfalls are very heavy, and the gait of whoever is walking seems to be wider than that of the normal humanoid.

TRAVIS: Ah, let me play. Please.

LIAM: Well it's definitely not duergar. How far ahead of us do they sound?

LAURA: Can we see it?

MATT: Probably a good 60, 70 feet. You hear some muttering.

LAURA: Can I understand what they're saying?

MATT: No.

LIAM: I'm listening, trying to make out how many sets of footsteps I can hear.

LAURA: And I look on the ground and see if I can find multiple sets of footsteps as well.

MATT: Looking on the ground, you guys have no light source currently. It's pitch black.

LIAM: But there's lava spilling and we can see in dim light.

MATT: Do you want to go to the nearest lava pool? All right. It's very, very faint visual. You can see there are a number of tracks, up and down. All different sizes. This area, this tunnel is traversed quite a lot. Listening, you hear two sets of heavy footsteps. And you hear what sounds like some sort of squeak sound, like a (squeaks).

TRAVIS: Shit.

LIAM: Cart. Could be some sort of device–

MATT: From around the edge, you can just barely make out these two lumbering humanoid shapes.

LIAM: Can we tell what they are?

LAURA: Oh, he's trying to see if they're seeing us.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: They begin to step towards your direction.

LAURA: We back away.

MATT: You guys back and kind of flatten yourself against the wall.

LIAM: Separate sides.

MATT: You can see they're now both dragging behind them this small roughshod cart, with something inside it.

LAURA: We string a rope across the tunnel.

MATT: Okay, you pull it across.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah!

MATT: (deep grumbling and laughter)

LIAM: I also yank my serpentine belt off–

LAURA: Oh!

LIAM: And throw it out, right under the rope.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: What does that do?

LIAM: Snake.

MATT: So, as he throws the leather, the leather shifts form suddenly in midair into a serpent that slips onto the ground, and slithers in place, curling up at the approaching two monolithic entities.

LAURA: That is stupid.

LIAM: Yes, it is.

LAURA: This is gonna go really poorly.

MATT: As they begin to cross in front of you, you both pull taut on the rope.

LAURA: This is dumb.

MATT: The immediate one falls forward, tripping face-first on the ground, a heavy (impact sound). You guys hear in the distance this loud thud, impact sound.

LAURA: And we call, I go, Grog!

TRAVIS: I'm raging.

LIAM: And I leap out, daggers at the fallen one.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Run!

MATT: You guys come rushing in, let's go ahead and roll initiative.

TALIESIN: Yeah!

TRAVIS: I raged.

MATT: I figured you were raging.

TRAVIS: Well, you know, when the ladies call my name.

TALIESIN: That sucks.

MARISHA: That's not too bad, could be worse.

ORION: Yes, sounds good.

MARISHA: What are we fighting? What are we fighting?

LAURA: I know, right? Oh god, here we go.

MARISHA: What are we fighting, we don't know.

LAURA: Oh! Lava pools.

TALIESIN: Lava pools.

MARISHA: Lava pools, Lava pools.

TRAVIS: Wow.

ASHLEY: Wow.

MARISHA: Grog, you better be throwing bitches into that lava.

TRAVIS: Last time I tried to do somebody to something, I did it to myself, so.

LIAM: Hashtag bitches in lava?

MARISHA: Hashtag bitches in lava!

MATT: You guys, coming in this way.

MARISHA: Bitches in lava, bitches in lava.

ASHLEY and LAURA: Oh god!

ORION: She's excited about the lava.

LIAM: I got 99 problems and a troll ain't one.

LAURA: Are they trolls, are they ogres?

MATT: They are two giant ogres.

LAURA: Oh, god, one's on the ground.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

LAURA: It's huge, these are really big.

MATT: One is back here and one's just fallen over there.

ASHLEY: Holy cow.

MATT: And they are carrying some sort of large cart-like object, I'll just say for now.

LAURA: This is so dumb, why did we do this?

TALIESIN: This is a d20.

MATT: Let's say it's about there. All right.

TRAVIS: What's in the cart?

MATT: So, initiative order, guys?

LAURA: Do we get the surprise at all?

MATT: You do, actually! I'm rolling initiative, so we have the order. You guys are gonna have a full round of surprise on them first.

LAURA: Okay, cool.

MATT: All right, so, 25 to 20?

LAURA: Oh, man, really?

MATT: 20 to 15?

ORION: 19.

LAURA: 15.

LIAM: 15.

ORION: I got scared and I cast Stoneskin immediately.

ASHLEY: Cast what?

ORION: Stoneskin.

MATT: So Vex and Vax, both at 15?

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: 15, yeah.

LIAM and LAURA: Oh!

MATT: 15 to ten?

TALIESIN: 13.

MARISHA: 13 as well.

ASHLEY: 11.

LAURA: Oh no, Grog, what did you roll?

TRAVIS: I farted when I rolled, I rolled a 9.

MATT: Oh! Grog.

ASHLEY: Greg.

ORION: How much does the ogre weigh? Or the ogres, as you said?

MATT: The ogres, each one weighs nearly a ton.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit, really?

LAURA: Oh, they're huge.

TRAVIS: So, like, 200 pounds.

MATT and LIAM: Yes.

LIAM: Yes, exactly.

MATT: Yes, Grog, close to that.

LAURA: Yes, Grog.

MATT: All right, let's go fast here. Here we go. All right, so, top of the round– No! Surprise round for both of you guys first, as the rest of you rush in, so Vex and Vax, you guys get a surprise round.

LAURA: Awesome.

LIAM: I'm already jumping in the air, so I'm gonna go.

MATT: To the guy on the ground.

LIAM: Okay, and this, since it's a surprise, it's automatic crit?

MATT: Yes!

LAURA: Oh, nice.

MARISHA: Hell, yeah!

MATT: He's on the ground, so you get advantage on your attack rolls.

LIAM: Okay, okay, all right, so that's 28.

MATT: That definitively hits.

LIAM: Yeah, 1d4 for– this is my poison dagger. Two, eight, okay, I'm doing my Sneak Attack damage, here we go, four, nine, 12, 18, yeah, 23. Total for that, 62 points of damage.

MATT: 62 points of damage.

LAURA: Wow.

MATT: You leap on and entirely eviscerate the ogre. You jumped onto his back, slashing the back of his torso. As you pull open the flesh, you expose the back of the ribcage, and he goes into this kind of gurgling sound as it dies immediately on the spot.

LAURA, MARISHA and ASHLEY: Oh, what?

LIAM: And I use my bonus action to hide.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Do you wanna talk to the other one, since–

LAURA: 62.

MATT: Okay, roll and make a stealth check.

LIAM: Natural 20.

ORION: Nice.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: See you later, motherfuckers.

MATT: The ogre is right there. There is the ogre on the ground, big squishy ogre.

LAURA: What?

TRAVIS: Big squishy ogre.

MATT: It's considered rough terrain, because now you have to go over this giant dead body in the middle of the– All right, your turn.

LAURA: I Hunter's Mark him, and I'm gonna shoot him with the explosive arrow.

TALIESIN: Yeah!

TRAVIS: I like it.

LAURA: So I'm gonna see if it hits. I'm gonna use the blazing bowstring. That's a 22.

MATT: 22 definitely hits.

LAURA: Okay. Also, blazing bowstring that gives me a plus d10. So, okay, 14 plus d10, wait, that's a ten? Yeah!

LIAM: That's a ten.

LAURA: Plus 19 and then Hunter's Mark! Plus six!

LIAM: Ah yes!

MATT: 25.

LAURA: 25, plus whatever the explosive damage is.

MATT: So! As you pull the arrow out, it's a little wonky, it's actually, what you rolled, it's a minus four penalty to hit with it, but you still manage to hit because it's a big creature, even though it's in very big darkness, you– you know, in darkness you ignore partial cover.

LAURA: Right!

LIAM: Bellybutton.

MATT: You fire it. It arcs slightly, smacks in the side of its chest and stomach area. It's this cacophonous explosion sound that rocks the immediate vicinity.

TALIESIN: Whoa! Yes!

TRAVIS: Yes!

MATT: It takes an additional 2d8 points of explosive damage.

MARISHA: Ooh!

TALIESIN: Yeah!

ORION: Nice.

MATT: Nine points, and everything around it also takes the additional damage–

LAURA: Oh shit!

MATT: – the whole radius does.

LAURA: Oh, I hope I didn't blow up the cart.

MATT: The cart– the wood on the wheels had shatters and breaks, it falls to one side. What you see, some sort of a glass container that was at the back of the cart shatters and cracks.

LAURA: (gasps) Oh no.

MARISHA: Oh.

TALIESIN: I'm still happy.

LAURA: Welp?

LIAM: Still pretty cool, still pretty cool.

MARISHA: Collateral damage. It's bound to happen.

MATT: Top of the round. Tiberius.

LAURA: Oh, and can I move away?

MATT: You can move if you want. Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, I move back.

MATT: Back to here?

LAURA: Yeah. Sounds good.

TRAVIS: Where's your pointer?

MATT: Use your pointer if you need it.

LAURA: Oh right! Well, there.

MATT: All right. Tiberius, you're up first.

ORION: Very good! I'll take a few steps forward and be like, well, this is poppycock! And I'll shoot a Scorching Ray right at the dude.

MATT: All right, go for it, roll for the attack.

LAURA: Does anybody speak Ogre? Nobody speaks Ogre, though. We can't talk to him.

TRAVIS: No.

LIAM: They're dumber than Grog is.

ORION: So what am I rolling?

MATT: Do you ignore partial cover?

ORION: Oh! Like can I just in general?

MATT: I mean, did you take that feat?

ORION: No.

MATT: No. Okay. So yeah. So you're rolling– okay, so yeah. So what did you roll to hit?

ORION: I rolled all three at once. 'Cause I have to do one for each.

MATT: Right, yeah.

ORION: So I got a 12, a 13, and a 12.

MATT: Okay. All three rays unfortunately miss–

ORION: Damn it!

MATT: – due to the darkness in this room it's very hard to see, other than the slight glow from the lava. So you fire all three rays, and you see them streak through, and each one gives off just enough light from the actual flaming ray to glow to the vicinity, but not the actual target. You see them both streak off and slam the wall on the opposite side.

ORION: Wait, do I add my dex on those?

MATT: You add your spell modifier.

ORION: (whispers) What's my spell modifier?

MATT: It's on top of your spell page!

ORION: Oh! Oh, no, I'm sorry, 20– plus nine on all that.

MATT: Good to know.

ORION: Yeah, sorry.

MATT: All three hit. Go ahead and roll damage.

ORION: Okay.

MATT: There you go.

ORION: Okay, first one does five–

MATT: It's his first time casting spells, guys.

(mouths) It's not.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

ORION: – plus five, ten! I rarely do this one, kids.

LIAM: It's part of his charm.

ORION: Ten on the first one.

MATT: All right.

ORION: 17 on the second one. And 17 on the second one.

LAURA: He's so dead!

MATT: Okay, is there a saving throw for half damage?

ORION: No! I mean, 12 on the third one.

MATT: Is there a saving throw on this one, or is it just straight damage?

ORION: Yeah, straight damage.

MATT: Okay, cool, gotcha. All right.

ORION: Yes!

MATT: All right, so you, you blast the ogre with three. As each explosion hits, you see the rippling of its kind of grotesque flesh from the impact, the third one blasting off a portion of its shoulder, exposing this meaty bone and blood. It gives out this horrible (roars) into the tunnel itself, causing just the atmosphere to shake, as bits of stone begin to rumble and fall from the ceiling. All right, that ends your turn?

ORION: Yeah!

MATT: Still standing. Barely. It's now its turn.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: It steps away.

LIAM: (whispers) You can't see me.

LAURA: Over the dead body of his brethren.

MATT: To that point. It's just going to charge through, as all it can see is the figures in the distance.

MARISHA: Pick me.

MATT: That's where it is. At which point, the cart seems to shift slightly.

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

LAURA: Oh no, what did we do?

LIAM: Oh dear, something's coming out of the jar.

MARISHA: What did we open?

LAURA: Oh, god. We let something out.

MATT: You can see something slowly– dark something–

ORION: I thought it was going to be a good thing!

MATT: – amorphous and liquid in nature beginning to shift in the shadow.

MARISHA: Oh, great.

LAURA: Does it– Oh no– Is it on fire so we can see–

LIAM: No.

LAURA: – is it on fire so we can see what it is?

MATT: No.

LIAM: No.

TALIESIN: Oh my god!

LAURA: The cart wasn't on fire?

LIAM: It's dangerous! It's dangerous! It's fucking dangerous!

MATT: It's just this giant, black, liquid–

MARISHA: What is that?

MATT: – ooze-like creature.

LIAM: It's black ooze. It's dangerous!

MARISHA: We just opened Pandora's box.

LAURA: This is really, really bad!

LIAM: It's fucking dangerous.

LAURA: I'm sorry I exploded it.

MARISHA: Great. That's good. Good.

LIAM: Stay away from it. Stay away from it. Stay away from it.

TRAVIS: So go wrestle it?

ASHLEY: So go jump in it, is what you're saying.

LIAM: French kiss that shit!

TRAVIS: It's mine!

LAURA: (whispers) Don't attack it.

TRAVIS: Don't attack it?

LAURA: I'm scared of it.

MARISHA: Black ooze.

LIAM: Ranged attacks.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: What does a black ooze do?

LIAM: Fire and ranged attacks.

MARISHA: How do I handle that?

MATT: So! That brings us to–

TALIESIN: Fire?

LIAM: Think!

MATT: Scanlan. Scanlan.

LAURA: Oh no, oh god, Scanlan.

MATT: I know you're out there, Scanlan.

LAURA: Do something amazing, Scanlan!

LIAM: Sing, Sam! Sing!

MATT: Scanlan's going to go ahead and sing a song of inspiration to– I'd say Grog just in case he needs to-

TALIESIN: (sings) When we have to fight the ooze, you'll never have to lose.

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: You received an inspiration.

TRAVIS: Oh good, yeah, thank you. It's an eight, right?

MATT: Yeah, it's a d8 inspiration dice.

LAURA: I want some food. I'm so hungry.

LIAM: (sings) We're up all night in the dark, we're up all night in the dark.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: (sing) We're up all night in the dark.

ORION: Is that what Sam would do?

MATT: Scanlan is then going to cast Invisibility on himself as an immediate self-sustaining reaction.

LIAM: Oh shit, the music! The music!

MATT: That brings us to Vex!

LAURA: Me?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Ranged attack, ranged attack.

LAURA: Okay, on the thingie?

MARISHA: Pew pew.

ORION: Take out the ogre first.

LAURA: Okay. Well I'm gonna Lightning Bolt the black ooze!

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Sounds good.

LAURA: Okay. Which–

MATT: So you Lightning Arrow.

LAURA: Yes, I do. Okay. Oh, and, oh, the other– never mind, that other guy's still Hunter's Marked. Okay.

MARISHA: Well, yeah.

LIAM: Hit it, hit it, hit it.

LAURA: Okay, that's good.

LIAM: Yes, it is!

LAURA: That's a 19 plus– that's a regular attack bonus, right?

LIAM: It's a crit.

LAURA: Was it?

LIAM: Isn't 19-20 crit? That's just for me.

MATT: No, that's just for you.

LAURA: That's just for you, yo.

MATT: Yeah, so that hits.

LAURA: Okay. So.

MARISHA: What if it's like a sentient alien lifeform?

ASHLEY: This music is so stressful!

LAURA: Okay, 4d8 of lightning damage.

MARISHA: You know, like some Spiderman shit.

MATT: Go ahead and roll the arrow damage.

MARISHA: Some alien lifeform shit.

TALIESIN: Well, we should kill it.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Just kidding, I'm just so excited! 11.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Okay. And the 4d8 of lightning damage.

MATT: As the arrow disappears into its form–

LAURA: No.

MATT: – the bolt of energy, as you pull out the arrow and release it, it sparks and you can see the blue energy kind of streaking behind the arrow. It plunges into this thick, black, gooey mass and as it does, the lightning just gets absorbed into its form.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit balls.

MATT: It sits for a second, shakes and quivers, and then splits.

MARISHA: Oh! No.

LAURA: Splits?

LIAM: Yeah, it splits into smaller ones. Smaller sizes.

MATT: Dividing into two separate smaller slimes.

TALIESIN: No!

LAURA: What is this thing?

MATT: Seemingly unaffected by the damage of the lightning. Other than the fact that you altered its form slightly.

LAURA: Great. Cool. Awesome.

MATT: So, do you wish to move?

LAURA: Oh, yeah! I back the eff up. Actually, should– yeah, yeah. I'm gonna back up. To there sounds good.

MATT: All right! That brings us to– Vax, you're up.

LIAM: All right, I'm gonna run up to the back of Tall and Ugly, and try to stab him. I'm gonna do the reach-around again, and try to stab him in the eyes.

ORION and ASHLEY: The ol' reach-around.

LIAM: And I'm hidden– I'm stealth already, I think, right?

ORION: Courteous!

MATT: You are, yes.

TRAVIS: It's like his character move.

TALIESIN: The stealthy reach-around.

TRAVIS: Action figure Vax'ahlia.

LIAM: So the first attack is an 18.

TALIESIN: The stealthy reach-around.

LAURA: That's Vax'ildan.

MATT: Hits.

TRAVIS: Sorry. Vax'ildan.

LIAM: Okay, Sneak Attack, here we go.

TRAVIS: The signature reach-around move!

LIAM: For the eyeballs. Two plus seven is–

LAURA: I'm sorry I let the ooze loose.

TALIESIN: It's okay.

LIAM: 40. 52.

MATT: 52. As you reach behind, the daggers plunge into it, and the ogre lumbering over doesn't have any more to its life. Its jaw just goes slack as it releases the last bit of air in its lungs, tumbling forward, piling onto his friend.

LIAM: As it does, I want to use my bonus action to spring off his shoulders towards my friends.

MATT: Okay. Okay.

LAURA: That's good.

MATT: This direction? All right, go ahead and make an acrobatics check.

LIAM: Sure.

LAURA: Over the lava pit.

TRAVIS: Kill it.

LAURA: Don't fall in the lava pit.

LIAM: That's a 15.

MATT: 15, okay. You barely manage to catch your footing. Thank god you didn't roll a one. That would've been very bad. This ogre then plummets to the ground, now piling on top of his friend.

LAURA: Okay, that's good.

MATT: So now that whole section there is considered rough terrain. All right, that brings us to Percy!

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to try something weird, here.

TRAVIS: Oh no.

TALIESIN: Where am I? Okay. I'm going to step forward and to the right a bit. Just sort of joining this little– like getting right in here. And I'm going to try and shoot, and this is gonna sound weird, but as I'm running I'm going to– Actually, back me up to about there.

MATT: There?

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and shoot about right here, I'm gonna try and unleash the lava to send the lava– to see if I can get it to start flowing towards. Does that make sense?

MATT: I will tell you, the pool of lava right there isn't brimming really close to the surface.

TALIESIN: Oh, it's just down?

MATT: It would take a significant impact to carve anything that would release it.

TALIESIN: Okay, well–

MATT: It's self-contained.

TALIESIN: – I've come forward enough, I'm gonna take a shot at one of these guys, then.

MATT: Okay. This one, or this one?

TALIESIN: That one.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll for attack–

TALIESIN: I'm gonna try something else. I'm gonna try an ice shot.

MATT: Ice shot. Okay.

TALIESIN: 15?

MATT: 15?

LIAM: (sneezes dramatically)

LAURA: Bless you.

MATT: 15 hits!

TALIESIN: Oh my god. All right, and that's a–

TRAVIS: 15 hits.

LAURA: 15 hits.

TRAVIS: Let's just take it.

LAURA: Well, what else are we gonna do with it?

TALIESIN: – that's 15 points of damage, plus six points of ice damage.

MATT: Okay. The bullet pierces his form. You can see a part of its gelatinous, physical structure quiver. The ice explosion, you see go off, and just get absorbed into the gelatinous form.

MARISHA: Fuck.

TALIESIN: Fuck!

MATT: Seemingly unaffected by the additional damage. That's your first shot. You get two shots, don't you?

TALIESIN: That's right. Oh, good god.

MARISHA: But it didn't split, right?

MATT and ORION: Nope.

MARISHA: That's cool. It's a perk.

TALIESIN: Yeah, no, that's– Okay. I'm going to attempt to– Is there any loose-looking rocks that are up above? Or is there anything that looks like, if I gave it a push, would fall down, from up above?

MATT: This tunnel looks pretty, at this point, pretty cleanly carved out.

LAURA: What about the areas I exploded?

MATT: Over there? I mean, there's parts of the rock, but the explosion was more damaging to things that were fragile–

LAURA: Okay, okay.

MATT: – the stonework is pretty solid.

TALIESIN: I'm gonna take another shot at the same one and see what happens.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TALIESIN: 20, that hits.

MATT: Yep! Damage.

TALIESIN: Not a lot. That's seven points of damage.

MATT: Okay. Gotcha. Both shots into it. You see its form kind of quiver at the impact, but it's still slowly slithering forward. Now comes to Keyleth!

MARISHA: Okay. I wanna move, kind of be like, whoops, sorry, 'scuse me, pardon me, and come like heresies. Would you say that I'm 30 feet away from that guy?

MATT: Just barely. Like, he's just in the cusp of 30 feet from you.

MARISHA: Will my Thorn Whip reach him? My 30-foot-range Thorn Whip?

MATT: You can certainly try!

MARISHA: I'm gonna try and Thorn Whip him!

MATT: Okay!

LIAM: (Cosby voice) You see, the black goo thing–

MATT: What's the Thorn Whip do?

LIAM: – is not so easy to kill.

(all laugh)

MARISHA: Huh?

MATT: What's the Thorn Whip do? Read the spell for me.

ASHLEY: Too soon?

LAURA: Too soon?

MARISHA: Well, it does 2d6 damage, it's a 30-foot range, and it pulls 10 feet. Notes I have on it– Okay– piercing damage– if they are large or smaller, you pull the creature up to ten feet closer.

MATT: What type of damage is it?

MARISHA: Piercing.

MATT: Okay. Gotcha. All right. So, you hit, go ahead and roll damage.

MARISHA: I hit. I don't hit. That's funny. Okay.

MATT: You rolled a 20, right?

MARISHA: I didn't roll yet.

MATT: Oh, you didn't roll yet. Sorry.

MARISHA: No.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll to hit.

MARISHA: What do I add, my spell modifier?

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: 18.

MATT: Yeah, you hit.

LAURA: Woo!

ASHLEY: Woo!

MATT: So, go ahead and roll damage.

MARISHA: 19, sorry, it's actually 19.

MATT: That still hits! It doesn't move very fast, it's a little easy to hit.

LAURA: Okay, that's good.

MATT: All right, takes its damage.

MARISHA: One piercing damage, but I pull him ten feet closer to me. Does he go into the lava?

MATT: Gets pushed just ever so slightly into the hole. As it does, you can see this blackish steam and smoke begin to billow up from where it hits, and it (growls).

LAURA: Good!

MATT: – begins to quiver as you're kind of yanking it back with the Thorn Whip.

LIAM: What was that sound it made again?

MATT: (growls)

(all laugh)

MATT: It takes 2d10 points of damage–

LAURA: Woo!

MATT: – from the impact of the lava. That's an additional 17 points of fire damage to it.

TALIESIN: That's nice.

LIAM: Yes!

LAURA: Fire damage!

ASHLEY: Nice!

LIAM: Aw, yes!

LAURA: Kill it with fire!

MARISHA: And I've got him on a leash now.

LIAM: Burn it!

MATT: You do. Is it considered grappled?

MARISHA: Nope.

MATT: Then that would be the end of the attack. The spell dissipates after that.

MARISHA: Oh, okay.

MATT: You've gotta do it again the next turn.

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: Hey, that was pretty good.

LAURA: Yep.

MATT: All right. That ends your turn, Pike, you're up!

ASHLEY: Okay. So, question. I want to use something I think that I can use called– this may be stupid, so I have another option if this is dumb.

TRAVIS: That's what it's called?

LAURA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Yes.

ORION: That's a weird spell!

LIAM: So long!

ASHLEY: Something called 'Insect Plague'.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Ooh, yeah!

ASHLEY: Which you can use as a ranged attack in a 20-foot-radius sphere?

MATT: Yes. So, you do it at range, and it creates a 20-foot radius that does this.

ASHLEY: Okay, and then it's a 1d10– creature takes 4d10 piercing damage– oh, on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Cool! So there's that, yeah.

LIAM: Very Old Testament!

ASHLEY: So, I think–

MATT: Do you wanna move–

LAURA: Yeah, do it!

ASHLEY: Okay, you know, let's give it a try!

LAURA: And then we can see what it does to creatures within its zone!

MATT: Where do you wanna go, girl?

ASHLEY: Okay, so, where am I? I'm sorry, I can't see.

MATT: You're right over here. It's your gold base.

ASHLEY: So, where do I need to be to do it– like over here?

LIAM: Get closer.

LAURA: Maybe up next to the ogre dead.

LIAM: Gotta run up.

MATT: Okay. One, two, three, four. That's about as close as you can get there, yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay. So can I still get it there?

MATT: Yeah, you can cast it. Where do you want to put the radius?

ASHLEY: Are these all five?

ORION: Yeah.

MATT: These are all five-foot squares.

ASHLEY: Okay, so can I–

LIAM: I'd just like to point out, this is like the Avengers trailer, where all the heroes run out and jump at the same time.

(all laugh)

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah. Yeah, you can get these both from there.

ASHLEY: Okay, so I'll try to get them both.

MATT: Okay, all right, so–

ASHLEY: So then ten.

MATT: So you go ahead and roll the damage.

ASHLEY: Okay, so how– Wait, how many do I roll, again? At fifth level?

MATT: You're casting this as a fifth-level spell?

ASHLEY: Well, maybe I shouldn't–

MATT: It's up to you.

LAURA: Yeah, do it.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'll do it.

LIAM: Do it, do it, try it.

ASHLEY: But do I save a healing?

LIAM: Do it.

LAURA: Go for it, Pike.

LIAM: Come on, you're a warrior.

MATT: It's up to you, Pike. You do what you gotta do.

ASHLEY: Okay, so– Cool, one.

LAURA: Ten.

LIAM: Ten.

ASHLEY: Ten, 11.

LAURA: 18.

ASHLEY: 19.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: So how many do I roll? That was three–

MATT: It gets to make a saving throw to see if it gets half damage.

ASHLEY: So I roll another one then–

LAURA: Yeah, four. She gets four.

MATT: What's–

ASHLEY: I roll, I roll four. Hold on. 19.

LAURA: 25.

LIAM: 25.

ASHLEY: 25.

MATT: Okay, what's the DC? What's your spell DC at the top of your spell sheet?

ASHLEY: Eight plus– Or– No, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

MATT: DC should be–

ASHLEY: 16.

LIAM: That's better.

MATT: 16, okay, one makes its save, the other doesn't.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: So what's the total damage?

LAURA: 25.

ASHLEY: 25.

MATT: Okay, so one takes 25, one takes 13.

ORION: Cool.

TALIESIN: Wow.

MATT: Piercing damage. Got it. And, just, insects appear in the area, doing that much damage. Does that stay? Or does that go away at the end of your turn?

ASHLEY: Let's see here.

MATT: What's the duration?

ASHLEY: Concentration. Up to ten minutes.

MATT: So you can keep it there if you want to.

LAURA: Ooh.

ASHLEY: I'll just keep it.

MATT: It just does damage every turn to everything in that radius.

ASHLEY: Awesome, let's just keep it.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I'm just really concentrating.

MATT: That ends your turn. Grog, you're up.

TRAVIS: Right, I would like to pull the flaming hammer out of the bag of holding.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: And I would like to run at the– this little– this guy.

ORION: No, you'll get in the insect cloud.

TRAVIS: What?

ORION: You'll get in the insect cloud.

MATT: All right. One, two, three, four.

LAURA: Stay away from the insect cloud.

TRAVIS: I forgot there was an insect cloud.

MATT: Five, six, seven, eight. That's as far as you can get, currently.

TRAVIS: Oh, because there are bodies in the way?

MATT: Because of the rough terrain, and you have to jump over the bodies to get there.

LAURA: Wait, but my natural ability–

TRAVIS: Then if that's as far as I can get, I would like to take the hooded lantern I have out of the bag of holding and throw it–

LAURA: Difficult terrain does not slow my group's travel when this is my favored terrain.

MARISHA: Ooh!

(all cheer)

TRAVIS: Yes!

MATT: Nice one. Boom, boom, boom. So you just go charging up overtop the ogre bodies, leaping, coming down with the– hammer, you said?

TRAVIS: Yes, with the flaming hammer.

LIAM: Oh man, you the real MVP.

TRAVIS: – activating the flaming properties of rage, and urine, and death.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Flame on.

(all laugh)

ORION: Rage, urine, and death.

LIAM: Wow.

LAURA: Don't get touched by it. Don't let it touch you.

TRAVIS: We'll see.

ASHLEY: Don't let it touch you.

LIAM: Work those rules.

MATT: Go for it. So go ahead and roll for attack. You have three attacks with this, at–

MARISHA: Rage, urine, and death.

MATT: Are you frenzying or regular rage?

TRAVIS: Raging, raging, rage. Just regular rage.

MATT: Okay, so you get two attacks.

TRAVIS: Yeah. 19.

MATT: 19 hits.

TRAVIS: And 12.

MATT: 12 also hits.

(all cheer)

TRAVIS: Awesome. And this is a 1d–

MATT: And damage, are you using it two-handed?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: 1d10 damage.

TRAVIS: 1d10.

MATT: Plus whatever the fire damage is on the weapon.

TRAVIS: That can't be right.

MATT: What did you roll?

MARISHA: What? What the dice rolled?

TRAVIS: 1d10? Is this the right dice?

TALIESIN: If you rolled zero, you rolled a ten.

LAURA: If it's a zero, it's a ten.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: It's a 30.

LAURA: Oh, that's a three. He rolled the–

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I was like, 30!

MATT: So, three plus your proficiency modifier, which is four.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Seven.

MATT: No, this is for damage, so the damage would be plus your strength modifier.

TRAVIS: Oh, four.

MATT: Yeah, so four still. So seven.

TRAVIS: And plus seven for rage.

MATT: Plus two for rage.

TRAVIS: Plus two for rage.

MATT: Yeah, so whatever the bonus is to your greataxe–

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: What's that?

TRAVIS: Oh, it's– to the greataxe is seven when I'm raging.

MATT: So then ten points of damage, then roll the fire damage as well.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LIAM: How is he keeping all of this in his mind? It's like a computer in his brain.

LAURA: I know.

TRAVIS: Is that a 1d10 also? 1d10?

MATT: It should say on the actual magical item.

TRAVIS: Yep, yep. 1d6.

MATT: So 1d6 additional fire damage.

TRAVIS: Five.

MATT: All right, so 15 points of damage total from the first strike. Go ahead and roll damage from the second one.

TRAVIS: Oh, Jesus. Seven.

MATT: So 14, plus an additional 1d6.

LIAM: Grog, math hard.

TRAVIS: Three.

MATT: All right, cool. All right, so as you come running over, leaping in the air, over the ogre bodies, you then slam the hammer once in the side, the fire catching on the metal, on the black iron as it streaks through the air, lighting up the cavern around you.

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: You guys see this, like, red arc, as Grog comes slamming down into the ooze.

ORION: Fire hammer!

MATT: First one, it hits, boom, smacks, the flames ignite, and the impact, you see it kind of freaks out and quivers backwards, screeching sound. As it does, there's a splash of the black ichor that hits your shoulders–

LAURA: (gasps) No!

MATT: – and you feel it burn and bite into your torso. You take ten points of acid damage.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

LAURA: Acid.

ASHLEY: Acid.

MATT: You reach back, not even thinking in the frenzy in your brain, you feel like, just seeing blood and red in your eyes, as you slam down your second strike.

ASHLEY: Grog is gonna start tripping.

MATT: You feel the second impact. Once again, you feel the spray of black across your body. You take an additional ten points of acid damage.

TRAVIS: Up close sucks.

LIAM: That's nothing for Grog, that's nothing.

ASHLEY: Nothing, nothing.

MARISHA: Nothing, he likes it, feels good.

TRAVIS: I'm pretty low.

MATT: That ends Grog's turn.

LAURA: You're low? On health? Have you not healed at all?

LIAM: No, we stayed up and kept watch.

MARISHA: Just helped with that itch you couldn't scratch.

LAURA: Jeez Louise.

TRAVIS: No, I'm fine.

MATT: On this turn, this one pulls out of the lava–

LAURA: No.

MATT: Takes an additional 2d10 from being in at the start of its turn. An additional eight damage, and moves up, both of them flank over to Grog.

TRAVIS: Come to me, woodland creatures.

MATT: Both of them attempting to strike you from each side. As you're flanked, that is a 20 versus armor class.

TRAVIS: That will hit.

MATT: And a 21 versus armor class.

TRAVIS: That'll hit, too.

MARISHA: You're being attacked by jello.

MATT: All right, both of the creatures, they (oozing sound) up next to you. These pseudopods kind of come billowing out, slamming into you with the force of an extremely thick, heavy battering ram. Both hit you for– let's see, here–

TRAVIS: You broke in their glass casket.

MATT: One hits you for 12 points of damage–

LAURA: Oh.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: The other hits you for 14 points of damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: Remember, you're raging, so that's halved.

TRAVIS: Oh, halved. Both of those?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Awesome.

LIAM: Tank.

ASHLEY: He still has more than me.

MATT: However, both impacts slamming into your body, the leftover sludge begins to eat away and corrode the flesh upon impact. You take from both sides– non-halved, because it is not slashing, bludgeoning, or piercing damage– you take a total of 56 points of acid damage.

TALIESIN: What?

ASHLEY: What?

LAURA: What?

MATT: From both slams.

TRAVIS: That's gross.

LAURA: (gasps) Grog's unconscious.

TRAVIS: No, I'm not.

LAURA: You're not?

LIAM: Double that? Double that, or that?

MATT: No, from both sides. 28 from each.

ASHLEY: How many have you got?

TRAVIS: 14.

LAURA: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Okay, so little piles of shit have got huevos.

ASHLEY: Wait, and I can't–

MATT: Clarota moves from here, up to here.

LAURA: Clarota, save us!

MARISHA: Really bad jello. It's, like, fridge experiment jello.

TALIESIN: Coffee jello.

MARISHA: Coffee jello?

ASHLEY: Grog!

TRAVIS: That's me, all smart with the fire hammer.

MATT: Hey, it did damage, didn't it?

TRAVIS: It certainly did something.

MATT: It certainly did something Clarota is going to move forward and is going to attempt a– It's kind of close– He is going to attempt a Lightning Bolt against this guy here.

MARISHA: No.

LAURA: Don't do a Lightning Bolt! What? Why would Clarota use a Lightning Bolt when he saw that the lightning did not work for me?

MATT: Clarota did not see.

LAURA: Ugh.

MARISHA: Clarota didn't see? Where was Clarota?

MATT: Way back here.

LIAM: He has to look. He was hanging back.

LAURA: Clarota is trying to screw with us.

MARISHA: Why was he trailing? What the fuck?

LIAM: Nah, he was hanging back.

MARISHA: He's a slacker.

LIAM: He's weak.

MARISHA: He's a fucking slacker.

ORION: That's right, he's weak.

LIAM: He's got this, but he doesn't have this. He's weak, he's hanging back.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: What is the deal with the mind flayer?

MATT: I would recommend not arguing with the DM.

ORION: Right.

TRAVIS: Yeah, right.

MARISHA: I'm not arguing with the DM, I'm calling Clarota a slacker.

MATT: Clarota, as it released the bolt of energy, it streaks past, through the air. It arcs into the side of the entity, which then absorbs it. Clarota's eyes go wide for a second. Nervous, it looks at its hands, and puts them back underneath its robe. As it does–

LAURA: Fudge!

MARISHA: Damn it, Clarota.

MATT: The entity divides once again.

LAURA: God! Darn it.

MATT: Into two more–

LAURA: What is that?

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

LAURA: What is happening?

TRAVIS: Balls.

TALIESIN: Oh, god.

MATT: That ends its turn. At this point in time, now the loud ruckus has been glaring through this tunnel–

LIAM: Shit.

MATT: You hear (clicking sound).

LIAM: Shit.

TRAVIS: Ah, not an umber hulk.

LAURA: Is it another one of those–

MATT: A pair of clacking sounds. And you, as soon as you look up at the ceiling and you see two large creatures clinging to the ceiling, scurrying across with these strange hooked hands, before both immediately leap down from the ceiling.

TRAVIS: We're in big trouble.

TALIESIN: Jesus Christ.

LIAM: Oh, man.

LAURA: Are you freaking kidding me?

MARISHA: What are those? What is that?

LAURA: He's trying to kill us.

ORION: Oh.

LAURA: What is this?

MATT: These two large, armored, beak-faced subterranean creatures with shells on their backs and giant hooked arms leap down from the ceiling.

LAURA: We're gonna die.

MATT: One is going to attempt to strike with both of its hook attacks at Pike.

LAURA: Pike isn't here!

MATT: This is one is moving over Tiberius.

LIAM: Oh, Tiberius, our soft, vulnerable spot.

ORION: What are you talking about?

MATT: So, against Pike, that is 21.

LAURA: Hits.

TRAVIS: Hits.

MATT: And 13.

TRAVIS: Misses.

LAURA: Misses.

MATT: All right, you take 11 points of piercing damage.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Wherever she is. And the other one misses, clanging against the armor. The hook scrapes across metal, leaving this extremely loud sound. The other one goes twice against Tiberius. That is a 16.

ORION: A 17.

MATT: And a nine. Both miss. Barely getting out of the way. This giant, large, armored creature.

ASHLEY: Falling from the ceiling.

MATT: Right there, take a look– All right, that ends that, so top of the round. Tiberius, you're up.

ORION: Oh, I look at him with a funky grin.

MATT: All right.

ORION: It's a funky one. How much does he weigh? 800 pounds?

MATT: Pretty heavy. Say probably close to 500-600 pounds.

ORION: Ah, beautiful. I cast Telekinesis and I hurl him over my head and chuck him at the other one. I want to get him away from Pike. I don't think I can throw him that far. How far away is he from the lava, actually?

MATT: It's about right there. It's about 35 feet.

ASHLEY: I'm okay. I have a lot of armor.

LAURA: She's good.

ORION: Then I'll try that instead. I'll try to slam dunk.

MATT: He makes a saving throw. That fails entirely. So the creature in front of you lifts up in the air, and starts flailing about with its hooks, trying to find some purchase in the ceiling. You toss it over, and it lands squarely into the pool of lava in the center of the tunnel. You hear screeching in pain as it begins trying to find his way out. Okay.

LIAM: Yes! Yes!

MARISHA: I like lava pools. I like lava pools.

MATT: As it's fully submerged, all right, that is 45 points of fire damage on it immediately as it's slowly sinking into the pool of lava.

TRAVIS: He starts sinking into the pool of lava?

ASHLEY: Whoa.

MATT: Tiberius just Telekinesis-ed him up in the air, and threw it into the lava pool.

TRAVIS: Yes.

LAURA: Good job.

ORION: I use two sorcerer points, and with the other one I do Glacial Blast at the other guy.

MATT: The other one there? Okay. Go ahead and roll– Add your–

LAURA: Damn, Tiberius is getting really freaking cool. Badass.

ORION: Spell attack, right?

MATT: Yeah.

ORION: 13 plus two. 15.

MATT: 15? Right now, because of the level of darkness in the room, and because of its distance from you– You just managed to fire, just out of the range of the creature. It hits the wall behind him, leaving the slick of ice across the stone wall behind it, but unfortunately not the actual creature.

ORION: Okay. Okay. Oh! Right behind it? Do I see myself missing too? Fine. As I'm missing I'll form it into a spike at the end where the walls hit.

MATT: Okay!

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: There is now an ice spike jutting out of the wall right there. All right, that ends your turn, unless you want to move. Still got your move action.

LAURA: Ooh. Nice!

ORION: I'm going to– where's the– that way.

MATT: This way.

ORION: Out the hell– with the stuff– yes.

MATT: Now it would be the ogres, but they're all dead.

(all cheer)

MATT: Scanlan's up.

TRAVIS: Yeah, come on, Scanlan!

MATT: Sees Pike in great danger. Sings a quick little ditty to go ahead and give an inspiration dice to Pike. So you get a d8.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: To help you with any sort of attack rolls, any saving throws, ability checks.

ASHLEY: How about for healing? Does it help with healing? Can I add it to anything?

MATT: Just attack rolls, saving throws, and checks.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Scanlan is going to attempt to dominate the monster using his Dominate Creature spell. Saving throw. It does not make it. The creature that was harrowing Pike suddenly drops its claws for a second, turns away from you, and starts looking back towards the oozes and Grog. That brings us to Vex. You're up.

LAURA: Okay. Do I have line-of-sight on the other ooze that's attacking Grog? The big one?

MATT: The big one over here? You do. It's dark, and you have no light source currently, so you can try a shot, but it's going to be at disadvantage.

LAURA: Okay, then I guess I should just–

LIAM: Half-elves see in dim light up to 60 feet. Does that pool of lava give anything?

MATT: It gives a very dull glow to the room. It's enough where you can see there is something there. You can even take a shot as opposed to not having any chance.

LAURA: What about the little ooze? One of the little oozes?

MATT: Same possibility because you're currently blocked by this creature that's currently sinking into the lava.

LAURA: I guess I should attack the one that's in the lava.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Okay. Well. Oh! Can I– Is he within ten or five feet of the other, the little ooze?

MATT: No, he's ten feet from it.

LAURA: Okay, then I'll just attack him with my– I'll just attack him.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: This is lame, that's a lame–

TRAVIS: Do it!

MATT: So you have two attacks.

LIAM: Oh.

LAURA: Oh right, two attacks. 13?

MATT: 13 misses, unfortunately.

LAURA: Pathetic. 20-something.

MATT: That hits. So the first one, you fire towards it, except the arrow just (whoosh) into the lava and (puff).

LAURA: All right, cool.

MATT: With a slight puff of smoke.

LAURA: Can I have used my flaming bowstring on the second one?

MATT: On the second one? If you'd like to.

LAURA: Sweet. Oh! And I Hunter's Marked him, because I can do that.

MATT: All right, so you moved the Hunter's Mark over, he is now your quarry.

LAURA: 13.

MATT: Go ahead and roll the additional fire damage and your quarry damage.

LAURA: 13. 19 and 22 damage.

MATT: 22 damage, all righty. The one arrow disappears. The second one, as you release it from the bowstring, you feel the slight tingle of the arcane energy released into the arrow. The arrow bursts into flame as it releases from your bow, streaking and piercing the front of its hide as it's trying to claw its way out.

ORION: Nice!

MATT: Both of its claws are at the edges of the lava, and it's pulling itself, screeching, its mouth and eyes wild with the severe pain it's feeling as it's slowly melting him from the bottom. The arrow (impact sound) into its shoulder and burst into flame. It's now freaking out. It looks like it's having a really, really rough time making its way out.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Do you want to move, or you going to stay where you are?

LAURA: I'm gonna back up and get against the wall. Oh wait, that's me!

MATT: That's you there.

LAURA: Oh, I was thinking I was Keyleth, I'm gonna come up next to Keyleth.

MATT: All right, so right there?

LAURA: No, against the wall.

MATT: All right, there?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. That ends your turn. Vax, you're up.

LIAM: Okay, I'm gonna run over the dude in the lava, I'm gonna jump on him, probably make an acrobatics check and land right around here, between the two little slimes.

MATT: Acrobatics check.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Don't let the slimes hit you.

MARISHA: Vault the lava.

LIAM: It's acrobatics. 22.

MARISHA: Vault that lava.

MATT: You jump, impact, and barely land next to them.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

LIAM: Now, because they are, because Grog is–

MATT: It does get one swipe of attack of opportunity on you as you pass by.

LIAM: Fine.

MATT: That is going to be a 20.

LIAM: Okay. It's fine.

MATT: So, as you leap off of it, its hook swipes up towards you. You go ahead and take 14 points of piercing damage.

LAURA: That's a big hit!

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: Okay. Okay and since I land, since Grog is right up against those two–

MATT: I will eat this later.

LIAM: I can Sneak Attack one or both of them, so I'm gonna hit the one closest to the party first.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: This is Sneak Attack.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: This is, this is– It's an 18.

MATT: All right, that hits.

LIAM: Three plus seven is– this is my flametongue dagger, so that's– Oh, hold on, no, I don't know what it is yet. Where's my pencil? I'm sending my dice everywhere. Nine plus six, ten, 15, 18, 40. 58 on one slime.

MATT: What is the piercing damage from the dagger?

LIAM: The piercing damage?

MATT: Daggers are piercing, so yeah.

LIAM: So I don't know. What is that? Is that what's besides the Sneak Attack damage?

MATT: Thank you kindly. Mysterious appearance of paper towels.

LIAM: That's 18. If it's doubled for the Sneak Attack? I don't know. It's nine, without a Sneak Attack. 18 if it's Sneak Attack.

MATT: Right. Well, it's a Sneak Attack, because it is flanking.

LIAM: So 18 for Sneak Attack.

MATT: Okay, got you. Cool.

LIAM: That's first dagger.

MATT: All right, so second dagger. Go ahead and–

LIAM: Second dagger attacks the other one. I just turn around and sink down into the other one for 16 with the keen, yeah, 16 with the keen dagger.

MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage.

LIAM: Okay, and this is probably not Sneak Attack at this point, or is it? I don't know.

MATT: No, you'll do only one Sneak Attack per round.

LIAM: Okay, eight.

MATT: Eight, gotcha. So as you rush, you leap off, take the scratch in the air from the hook horror creature. You land on the ground, slash one with your dagger, slash the other. Both slashes are almost simultaneous. As you hit, you feel your blades gain purchase in both creatures, and you look down at your arms as the horrible burning sensation filters onto your hands as the splash-back. You take a total of 20 points of acid damage from the melee attacks you took against the creatures.

LIAM: 20, you said?

MATT: 20 total, yes.

LAURA: (whispers) Oh my god.

LIAM: Okay. All right.

MATT: All right. That brings us to Percy.

ASHLEY: You're at 24? Fuck.

LIAM: It's all right.

TALIESIN: Where's the laser?

MARISHA: So they're all still alive, all the oozes are still alive.

TALIESIN: Laser.

MARISHA: It was around here somewhere. You had it last.

TRAVIS: What are you looking for?

LAURA: What? What's happening?

TALIESIN: Oh, never mind.

MARISHA: Did I have it? Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

TALIESIN: Yeah you had it, aha!

MATT: Percy, what you got?

TALIESIN: I wanna move just slightly to my right. Just over there so I can get a clear shot at the oozes.

MATT: Okay, so right there?

TALIESIN: Yeah, about right there, so I'm not going to hit anybody.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I'm gonna take two shots at the little oozes. At the–

MATT: This one here?

TALIESIN: Yeah, that right little ooze.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Little ooze.

TALIESIN: First shot. 27 to hit. And that does ten points of damage. And then I'm gonna take another shot at him, I'm going to take a fire shot. And I'm gonna take a negative five to hit. And that's 14.

MATT: Hits.

TALIESIN: So that's 15 plus– that's 23 points of damage plus three points of fire damage.

MATT: 26, nice.

TRAVIS: Yeah, boy. Perce!

MARISHA: On the little ooze?

ASHLEY: 26 points of damage?

LAURA: Woot woot!

TRAVIS: Wow!

TALIESIN: Plus fire.

LAURA: Plus fire.

TRAVIS: Get on it, nasty.

LIAM: Pow, pow, pow, pow.

MATT: All right, that brings us to Keyleth.

MARISHA: All the oozes are still alive?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Damn oozes. All right. I'm gonna do something crafty.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

ASHLEY: Get it!

MATT: Gotta eat sometime, guys.

MARISHA: I'm gonna bamf into an eagle.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: I'm gonna fly over– I think I'm going to land right by here.

MATT: There?

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: And I'm gonna do Thunder Wave. Which is–

MATT: So you're coming out of eagle form?

MARISHA: So I'm coming out of eagle form. I was just using the eagle to fly.

MATT: Okay, okay.

MARISHA: Coming out of eagle form, and I'm gonna do my thunderpush. So I take my staff and I throw it down. Kerplash.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: Today it's kerplash.

TRAVIS: I buy kerplash.

MARISHA: Kerplash!

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: All right! So what is the radius effect on that?

MARISHA: It's a 15-foot cube and it pushes everything ten feet away from me. Directly away.

MATT: 15-foot cube, okay. So like this cube here?

MARISHA: Sure. Yeah, a cube in front of me.

MATT: All right, cool. So, they both get saving throws.

MARISHA: Not Grog, though. I'm gonna just–

MATT: You can do that. Okay, neither makes their saving throw. So go ahead and roll damage, or whatever it does.

MARISHA: 2d8.

MATT: 2d8 to each. What is the damage type on that?

MARISHA: Six. It just says damage and then they're pushed. I was–

MATT: Okay. So I'll go ahead and say it's thunder damage. All right, so they're pushed how long? Ten feet?

MARISHA: Ten feet. Directly away from me.

MATT: Yeah. So they're pushed right there. Got it.

MARISHA: I was hoping they would go into the lava.

MATT: Unfortunately, it's not far enough. Is that your turn?

MARISHA: Yep!

MATT: All right. Pike!

ASHLEY: Okay, can I sprinter's boot over to Grog? Sorry, no glasses, guys. So I don't see where I am.

TRAVIS: A boot?

MATT: You can, yes.

ASHLEY: Okay, so I'm going to Cure Wounds.

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: 'Cause that's what I do.

MATT: It's what you do as a healer, yo.

ASHLEY: So let's see, 1d8 plus spell damage. Wait, so I'm gonna do it at fourth level, so that means I can roll how many times?

MATT: 4d8.

ASHLEY: Okay, so–

MATT: Plus five.

ASHLEY: Five, eight, 16.

LAURA: Ooh! That's good! 24?

ASHLEY: 24. So you heal 24.

TRAVIS: Thank you!

MATT: Nice.

ASHLEY: And then–

LAURA: Plus, do you add that to anything?

ASHLEY: Well, he adds it to his 14 that he already has.

MATT: Sorry.

ASHLEY: And then, can I do anything else while I'm there?

MATT: No, bonus action to do the item, move, action to cast the spell.

ORION: No.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: So that's your turn.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Well done. All right, that brings us to Grog.

TRAVIS: Right, yeah. I would like to come out of my rage.

MATT: All right. So it's level two exhaustion.

TRAVIS: For the first time ever.

LAURA: Ever.

LIAM: Wow. Not sure how I feel about that.

TRAVIS: What do you– where do you wanna go? Towards Keyleth or toward the– Okay. I'd like to pick up Pike and run balls over this way.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Right towards this area.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: I'm all on my own.

TRAVIS: Well, yeah, look. It nearly killed me the one time I hit it.

ORION: You shouldn't be doing melee on things that can split in half to begin with.

LAURA: We're gonna die.

MATT: All right, so you pick up Pike. Level two exhaustion, your speed is halved.

LAURA: Oh no.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: So you can only move 20 feet.

TRAVIS: Right.

ORION: You messed everything up.

LIAM: Hey man, if I can't be a hero here, where am I gonna do it?

ORION: Oh, every other time is fine.

TRAVIS: Do you want to stay? It doesn't really matter.

MATT: You grab her, you turn–

TRAVIS: You want to stay over there?

MATT: – run that way?

TRAVIS: You know what? I'll–

MARISHA: Aim for in front of the Scientology Center. It always goes over really well.

TRAVIS: Do you just wanna stay?

ASHLEY: I'm gonna– I'll stay, I'll stay.

TRAVIS: I'll leave Pike where she is and I'll run up and flank Iceberg Lobsterface.

MATT: Right there?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, so, that's as far as you can get, unfortunately–

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: – 'cause you're double-fatigued.

TALIESIN: My name in high school.

MATT: As you run past, both of those slimes–

ASHLEY: Double?

MARISHA: Double-fatigue?

TALIESIN: Iceberg Lobsterface.

MATT: – flash out with pseudopods, as reactions.

LIAM: I'm surrounded by shit.

TALIESIN: It's what all the kids called me.

MATT: So, two attacks against you.

TALIESIN: Long story.

MATT: That's a 22.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Fuck!

MATT: And a 19.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: All right, so both slam you for 24 points of bludgeoning damage. You're not raged, so it's not halved.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: Ugh.

MATT: So 24 against you, with an additional 56 points of acid damage.

ASHLEY: Wait! What?

TRAVIS: Unconscious!

TALIESIN: Damn it.

LAURA: Why didn't you get acid damage?

MARISHA: Son of a bitch.

MATT: They haven't hit him yet. That was just Grog running away.

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: Both of them getting attacks of opportunity on him, and both hitting.

LIAM: I am surrounded by shit.

ASHLEY: Guys, guys, guys.

MATT: Grog falls face-first, right next– right, like, literally cradling– His unconscious body is cradling the two dead ogres right now.

LAURA: No!

MATT: This slight sound of 'sss' as the acid is, like, sizzling and scarring his flesh.

LAURA: Nobody attack the things up close!

MATT: That brings us to their turn.

LAURA: Oh, no!

LIAM: I'm going unconscious here, kids.

LAURA: All of our heavy hitters are dead.

MATT: These three oozes turn. Actually, this one's going to move here–

ASHLEY: Oh, hello!

MATT: – towards Pike.

LIAM: (Tommy Wiseau voice) Oh, hi, Pike.

(all laugh)

MATT: You get an attack of opportunity on it, if you like–

LAURA: Oh, hit it!

LIAM: Hit it? Yeah.

MATT: – as it slips away.

LAURA: Get it!

TALIESIN: Get it!

LIAM: Do I have to roll to do that? Right?

MATT: Yeah, you still have roll to hit it.

LIAM: 26.

MATT: Hits.

LAURA: Why is it going up there?

ASHLEY: You're gonna kill this thing!

LIAM: 11.

MATT: 11?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Points of damage?

LIAM: That's the damage. 11.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Oh, yeah yeah yeah.

MATT: All right, cool.

ASHLEY: What did you guys vote on?

MARISHA: No shit.

LAURA: Did they vote on this?

ASHLEY: Probably.

MATT: So, the one that's attacking you, Pike, that is a–

LAURA: You guys suck.

MATT: – 23, versus armor class.

ASHLEY: Yes, that hits.

(all laugh)

MATT: All right. You take 12 points of bludgeoning damage from the impact of the pseudopod, with an additional 28 points of acid damage.

LIAM: Son of a gun.

MARISHA: Pseudopod?

ASHLEY: Okay, so an additional 28 on top of that.

TRAVIS: You guys are dicks.

MATT: Yeah, so a total of 40 points of damage from the strike.

ASHLEY: I understand.

MARISHA: Did he just call it a 'pseudopod'?

LIAM: Masochists.

MATT: The other two are going to attack you.

LIAM: Sure they are.

MATT: That's going to be a 19 versus armor class.

LIAM: Yeah, that hits 'cause I'm at 19. Right? So that hits if I'm at 19?

MATT: It hits. Yeah. Okay. The other one is a 14, so that misses.

LIAM: Okay, so I use Uncanny Dodge on the one that hit.

MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: All right. So.

TALIESIN: Nice!

LIAM: Whoa!

MARISHA: Yeah you do.

MATT: As you pull that away, you– You take half-damage from the strike?

LIAM: Half-damage. That's right.

MATT: All right, so that's– this was a 40. Take 20 points of damage, total, from the bludgeoning and the acid.

LIAM: Oh, I am rough, kids. I am rough.

LAURA: Plus acid?

MATT: All right. That ends their turn.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MATT: Clarota–

LAURA: Clarota, save us!

MATT: – is going to step forward to there.

LIAM: Use your magic, you strange flayer, you.

LAURA: Do not use Lightning Bolt.

MARISHA: Yeah. No Lightning Bolt, Clarota.

MATT: Clarota reaches forward, uses his own– Taking a note from Tiberius, uses his Telekinesis spell. The arcanist marks on its body flare up, and as it does you can see this large creature–

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: – gets lifted up, and slams on top of this hook horror–

ORION: Yes!

LIAM: That's awesome.

MATT: – pushing it further into the lava and doing additional acid damage to the hook horror, which–

LAURA: Yeah! And it dies?

ORION: Damn hook whores!

LIAM: (Cosby voice) You see–

MATT: – which completely dissolves and melts the hook horror.

(all cheer)

TRAVIS: All right, Clarence!

MATT: As it pushes down, the ooze just touches the edge of the lava, not taking full damage from the impact, but just enough from the portion of it.

LIAM: (Jimmy Stewart voice) Clarence! Clarence!

MATT: Taking an additional five points of fire damage. All right, it's that one there. Great. All right, that brings us to the hook horror's turn, who is currently dominated by Scanlan. Is going to rush forward to the edge here, and strike twice at the–

LAURA: Yeah, Scanlan!

MATT: – creature in the lava. Both hit.

TRAVIS: Yes!

LAURA: I'm full.

MATT: It's prone. That deals six plus 14. Eight. All right. The hook horror that Scanlan's controlling slams its hooks down into the ooze, causing the ooze to get pushed further into the lava. As you see its form begin to dissipate and slowly disintegrate into the pool of lava.

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: Leaving this dark, cooled kind of surface element to it. Slowly breaking apart, dissipating over the magma.

ASHLEY: Bye, bitch.

MATT: End of its turn, it's going to try and make a saving throw against the domination effect. Rolls a natural 20. Breaks the effect, however I feel like it did its good for the turn.

LAURA: Damn it. Did he take acid damage? Is he hurt?

MATT: Yeah, he did. He took 20 points of acid damage from each strike.

LAURA: Nice. Good, good, good.

ASHLEY: So there is only one left?

LAURA: No, there is two little oozes and a big one.

LIAM: Two oozes and a monster man.

MATT: All right, that brings us to the top of the turn. Tiberius, you're up.

ORION: Ah very well. I scooch myself a little bit over behind him.

MARISHA: (sings) One little two little three little oozes.

MATT: Over here?

ORION: Yeah, that's good, I can see his fanny from here. I'm going to cast Glacial Blast again, but I'm going to form a giant spike once more and jam it right in his asshole.

LIAM: Oh, he's pulling a Vax.

ORION: And I'm going to try and catapult it right where it's over. Because it's still at the edge of the lava pool, right?

MATT: Mm-hm. So you're going to glacial spike in the– Kancho him. Magically kancho.

ORION: Magic ice kancho blast.

MATT: Arcane cheat code. All right. So go ahead and roll to attack.

LIAM: Up up down down left right left right.

TRAVIS: A B A B N.

ORION: 24.

MATT: That definitely hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

ORION: Yeah. One, two, three, four, six. That is eight. What is that, a 12? 15, 16, 18, 19. 20. 20 damage.

MATT: 20 damage? All right, and he's grappled, correct?

ORION: I'm not trying to grapple him, I'm trying to just push him.

MATT: Push him? Shove?

ORION: Yeah.

LAURA: Into the lava.

ORION: Because he's like swinging at that dude so I'm like up his keister.

MATT: All right. All right. So he does make his saving throw.

ORION: Okay.

MATT: Unfortunately, so it doesn't push him into the lava, but it does slam him and does a shit-ton of damage to him, so.

ORION: Nice.

MARISHA: In his pooper.

MATT: Looking rough. Just a little bit.

ORION: Yeah. I'll spend another two points.

MATT: How many points do you have now?

ORION: After this, I'll have five.

MATT: Okay.

ORION: Because we had the rest, I regenerated all my stuff.

MATT: Right. Right.

ORION: So I spent two already.

TRAVIS: He's making trouble.

ORION: I spent another two on the fight. And I'm going to do another one. Up his ass again.

MATT: All right, go ahead and roll for that.

ORION: Yeah. 20.

MATT: Uh-huh.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

ORION: Yeah and that is 15. 15 points of damage.

MATT: Makes his saving throw again, unfortunately. It does not push him. Does additional points of damage. He's looking really rough. You can see now, this ice has encrusted around the outside of its armor.

ORION: And his butt.

MATT: And where the wounds from the impact are, there's cracking shards of ice crystal jutting outward.

ORION: From his arsehole.

MATT: From his asshole. Scanlan's turn. Should have had your sheet, Scanlan. Scanlan's going to go ahead and, for the hell of it, run up and make an attack.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: Eff him up, Scanlan.

ASHLEY: Let's go, Scanlan.

MATT: Why not? Pulling out, his singing sword arches in the air, and begins humming to it as he walks upon– The humming kind of adds this vibration element, like a tuning fork blade, as he arcs the sword down.

MATT: A natural 18. I'm going to assume that hits. That's going to be a 1d8 longsword damage. That's an 8 plus– 12 points of damage.

LAURA: Woo, Scanlan.

TRAVIS and MARISHA: Yeah, Scanlan.

ASHLEY: Go Scanlan.

MATT: The blade swings down to where the ice has encrusted the back of its armored shell. Scanlan takes the blade, swings it down, and pierces it directly into where that ice has gathered. As it does, it cracks open the back of its armored shell. Almost peeling it open like a shrimp. You can now see all its fleshy innards are exposed to the outside. It's looking extremely, extremely close to death. It's screaming in pain, kind of thrashing about now.

LIAM: Shrimping, cool.

MATT: Vex, you're up.

LAURA: Okay. I'm gonna Lightning Bolt the bad guy.

MATT: This guy?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Oh wait, no, I should save my brother.

LIAM: Maybe.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to attack one of the oozies instead.

LIAM: The one right behind me.

LAURA: The one right behind him.

MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll for attack.

LAURA: Yeah. Yeah, 23.

MATT: Very nice, very nice, that hits

LAURA: Oh I Hunter's Mark him first. Bonus.

ORION: Bonus.

LIAM: Excellent.

LAURA: 14 for the first attack.

ASHLEY: Wait, do we still have Scanlan's inspiration song?

MATT: You do, yeah.

LIAM: You do. You have the die.

ASHLEY: I have the die. Is what I'm talking about, sorry.

LAURA: Do I get six on both attacks? I do, don't I?

MATT: Mm-hm.

LAURA: Yeah. 17 on the second attack.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: Kill it. Kill it.

MATT: With a sickening (splat) sound, the ooze splatters across the floor.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Thank you.

MATT: Leaving a small, sizzling pool that's scarring the rock below it. You can see it slowly depressing into the ground. You gonna stay where you are?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. That brings us to Vax.

LIAM: All right. I walk back about 15 feet, and I go (shnk-shnk). Throw daggers at it.

MATT: Both daggers?

LIAM: First one's a 15.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: Okay and that is– this is my keen dagger. That is nine.

MATT: Nine hits.

LIAM: Second dagger. Definitely hits, that's a 26.

MATT: Hits. None of them are Sneak Attack, unfortunately.

LIAM: That's fine. This is flametongue. I don't know if fire helps, but that is an eight. So nine and an eight.

MATT: Nine and an eight, gotcha. Both daggers splash into it. You can see where they would slowly be scarred and damaged.

LIAM: Except that they teleport back to my blink belt.

LAURA: Yay, blink belt.

MATT: As they return to your belt, you can feel there a slight bit of liquid left, and you shake it off quickly.

LIAM: Shite.

LAURA: (sings) Shake it off.

MATT: But no other effect that that. It looks like it's having a hard time keeping its form together. It's kind of shaking and (oozing sound) as it moves. Still running towards Pike.

LIAM: Finish that shit, Pike.

MATT: That brings us to Percy.

LIAM: Hit it.

TALIESIN: All right. I'm just taking the shot. Taking a shot with the bonus. So that's 14 to hit.

MATT: Mm-hm.

TALIESIN: That hits. So that's 18 points of damage.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: And I'm gonna take the other shot.

MATT: Is this against the ooze?

TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah. Sorry, the ooze.

MATT: All right. Yep.

TALIESIN: And that's 13 to hit.

ASHLEY: Grog's unconscious?

LIAM: He'll be fine in ten minutes, Pike.

ASHLEY: What?

LIAM: He's out of the fight, but he'll be fine.

ASHLEY: Oh, okay.

TALIESIN: And that's 11 points of damage.

MATT: The first shot hits, and the ooze kind of quivers. It leaves this kind of gaping hole, and it begins to slowly reform itself. Before it can, you see the other weak spot where the top of its physical form is barely wavering, and it's able to keep corporeal. You aim the second shot, and as you fire, it detonates and that portion of its upper torso– whatever it would be– gets flung off and splats against the wall, the rest of it slowly liquefying as the rest of the slime is destroyed.

ASHLEY: Nice.

TRAVIS: Yeah, buddy.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: So I'm going to back up against the wall. I'm going to back to the wall of the– Yeah.

MATT: Okay. Keyleth.

MARISHA: Do I have enough speed to get next to Vex there? 30 feet?

MATT: Vax, you mean? Yeah, you do.

MARISHA: Is that Vax? All right, once again, I'm going to Thorn Whip this bitch.

MATT: All right, go ahead and roll for attack.

LIAM: (sings) Thorn Whip.

MARISHA: 26.

MATT: That hits, definitely, go ahead and roll damage.

LIAM: (sings) Thorn Whip, the bitch is dead.

MARISHA: Eight points of damage.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And I pull him–

MATT: How do you want to do this?

(all cheer)

MATT: The creature is slashing about with its claws.

MARISHA: So I take my Thorn Whip, and I go (whip sound). And I grab him. And I see he's still struggling. So I take another one and I go (whip sound) on the other one. And I just go Spiderman-style.

MATT: And (dragging sound). As you do it, it plummets face-first into the–

LAURA: Woo!

MATT: – both into the magma and the slightly still-sizzling form left over from the ooze that had melted there.

ORION: Magma and acid.

MARISHA: And just for flavor, I take a big gust of air, a big Wind Burst and I go (whoosh) down into the lava pool. Encrusting it all.

MATT: As you do, it slams down. You hear it scream underneath as its body begins to quiver. The Wind Burst hits, and the cool air rushes through the tunnel. All of your guys' hair and everything gets blown back for a second. You have to cover your eyes, and as you look back–

(all laugh)

MATT: The magma has cooled to a solid rock-covering surface. As darkness falls back into the tunnel–

ORION: Oh, Light!

MATT: As Tiberius hits Light, in the tunnel you can see the–

LAURA: Grog!

MATT: – hook horror, which, a portion of its upper torso is now encrusted into the actual cavern floor.

LAURA: Awesome.

TRAVIS: Amazing.

LAURA: Save Grog!

ASHLEY: I'm going to go over to Grog and Cure Wounds at fourth level.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: You tried to kill us, but you failed.

LAURA: Don't challenge them.

ASHLEY: Don't.

TALIESIN: Nice try.

ASHLEY: Nice job, guys.

TRAVIS: I did a pretty decent job, actually.

MATT: I ate pizza in front of you guys. I don't care. It was tasty. Thank you.

ORION: Yeah.

MARISHA: I don't care. No shame.

MATT: Delicious pizza.

LAURA: No. We're not gonna have Trinket this whole thing. We better get back to Trinket soon. I'm freaking out, you guys.

MARISHA: That's true, if we keep going.

ASHLEY: 25 points of heal!

LIAM: Just in seven more weeks.

TRAVIS: Thank you!

ASHLEY: You're welcome!

MARISHA: I might be able to guide him–

LIAM: Trinket's on the sidelines, man.

LAURA: That makes me so sad!

LIAM: We're not going back.

LAURA: And it's all you guys' fault!

LIAM: But it was like three years, Trinket was by your side. This is the first time ever.

MATT: As Grog, you come to consciousness again–

TRAVIS: Ah! Did I kill it?

LAURA: You did, Grog! Good job!

TALIESIN: Yes, Grog, you killed it good.

LAURA: Also, handful of pizza.

TRAVIS: I put my hand in my pizza!

(all laugh)

LIAM: You killed them all, Grog! You were magnificent!

MARISHA: Yay, Grog!

TRAVIS: Aha! Tell me more! (snores)

(all laugh)

ASHLEY: Wait–

MARISHA: Now we pass out.

ASHLEY: – so can I also do a Mass Cure Wounds? Since I just did a–

MATT: Yeah, if you'd like!

ASHLEY: Okay. So I'll also do a Mass Cure Wounds.

LAURA: Yay!

LIAM: Yes, 'cause I'm at four hit points.

ASHLEY: Yeah, you're pretty bad.

MARISHA: Oof.

LAURA: Brother.

TALIESIN: I'm fine.

LIAM: Oh, brother, where art thou?

ORION: I feel fine!

LAURA: I feel fine.

MARISHA: Ah, me too.

TALIESIN: I feel fine.

LIAM: Oh! Oh! Oh! Fancy you! Blah-blah-blah-blah!

(all laugh)

TALIESIN: Seems that there's one table where everyone is perfectly reasonable!

ORION: All the time, yes, Vax!

LIAM: I'm at four hit points! You go fuck yourself.

MARISHA: Yes, everyone on this side of the table's good.

ORION: There's an acid guy! Stab.

(all laugh)

LIAM: I was trying to save his ass! I was hurting myself on purpose.

MATT: All right. So, as you guys steel yourselves for a moment, kind of recovering from that fateful encounter, you–

ASHLEY: 22 points of healing–

LAURA: To everyone.

MATT: To everyone.

LIAM: That's pretty good.

MATT: Everyone heals 22 points of damage.

LIAM: That's half-ish.

TALIESIN: I reload.

LAURA: Well done, well done.

LIAM: Half-ish.

ASHLEY: Something additional.

TRAVIS: Thank you, Pike.

ASHLEY: Oh, you're welcome, Grog! My best pal.

TRAVIS: Hell yeah. (growling noises)

ASHLEY: (growling noises)

MATT: All right.

(all laugh)

TRAVIS: It's a language we speak.

ASHLEY: Yeah, man, it's like our own thing.

(all laugh)

MATT: You guys push forward down the tunnel–

LAURA: Oh!

LIAM: Yes.

LAURA: Limping.

MATT: For another 20 or so minutes, bringing yourself along, sore from the impact of the battle.

LIAM: I'm burnt.

MATT: Bits of your armor scarred. By the way, your armor–

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: – what type of armor was it?

LIAM: It was– it's magical. I found it in the goblin city. Studded leather armor, plus two.

MATT: All right. For the acidic nature of this–

LIAM: Wait. Do you know what's funny? What's funny is, the armor I had before this, that I wasn't paying attention to, was acid resistant! Isn't that funny?

MARISHA: And now you don't have it no more?

LIAM: That's so funny!

LAURA: That's great!

MATT: Look at that!

TRAVIS: That's really funny. Keep going.

MARISHA: That is funny.

LIAM: It's in my bag!

MATT: You wipe it off. Thankfully, the magic enchantment protects the armor entirely.

LAURA: Ah! See! That was acid-resistant, too!

MATT: Grog, what armor do you have?

LIAM: Even better!

TRAVIS: Oh, it's like hides and leathers and–

MATT: Just regular hide.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: Currently, as you're walking, you look down and notice that the armor on your torso has near-completely dissolved.

LAURA: (gasps)

TRAVIS: Son of a– Well, you're welcome, ladies!

LAURA: My, my, Grog!

TRAVIS: (sings) It's time for a show!

ORION: Grog! Will you put those away!

MATT: As it stands, you have no additional armor class bonus for any armor.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: Your hide armor is gone. It is completely dissolved.

LAURA: What about the black armor? Put on the dwarven black plate armor!

TRAVIS: They're dwarves.

ASHLEY: What if we melt it and then make it a big one?

LAURA: If it's magical, it might fit you if you just try it on!

ASHLEY: I don't know, would that work?

ORION: It's true!

LIAM: Hold on, hold on. DM! DM. I take off my magical armor, which was dwarven in shape before–

LAURA: (gasps) Oh, good!

LIAM: – but I take it off, it shrinks down to like a little toddler–

LAURA: Oh! Ew. Cover yourself, Vax!

LIAM: I'm wearing, like, a Scientology unibody underwear underneath–

(all laugh)

LAURA: Oh, okay.

ASHLEY: Wouldn't that be– that's mormons!

LIAM: The armor shrinks down to like toddler-size–

ORION: I don't know what that means!

LIAM: – and I hand it to Grog.

TALIESIN: It's probably for the best.

LIAM: And I go to my pack and I take out my old armor, which is acid resistant. Not quite as cool as what I was wearing, but I don't want him–

TRAVIS: You had two pairs of gloves?

LIAM: I can't– huh?

TRAVIS: Kidding. It's Dumb & Dumber.

LIAM: I can't stare at his pecs for the next three days, so I'll give him my armor.

LAURA: I can.

LIAM: Ooh! And put on what I had on before.

MATT: All right. So you take a moment, and hand him new armor, and Grog, this scarred, nearly naked goliath form, has been lumbering through this hallway–

TRAVIS: Ooh!

MATT: Hoo! Modesty, Grog!

(all laugh)

MATT: You place the studded leather on–

LIAM: Studded leather armor plus two, okay?

MATT: So mark that for your AC.

TRAVIS: Studded armor leather plus two.

ASHLEY: Wait, but then what are–

LAURA: He's got his own armor.

LIAM: I've got my old armor. I found that armor down here.

TALIESIN: I'm gonna be the person who actually examines the cart, at this point.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Oh! That's a good idea.

LAURA: Plus we have other plate armor!

LIAM: That's a loaner.

TALIESIN: You know, I just figured someone ought to.

MARISHA: What the fuck did we open?

TRAVIS: Plus two to AC?

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: And it should be me.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: No, it's more complicated than that.

MATT: Okay, here's the circumstance for you, real fast, before we get to that. So, Grog.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: The armor you had on was hide, which was a dex bonus of 12 plus your dex. Studded leather is also the same, so your AC actually goes up.

TRAVIS: Oh! Ho! Something that you'd think!

MATT: So, what was your AC previously?

TRAVIS: 18?

MATT: 18?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: It should now be 20.

TRAVIS: Yay! Yes!

LAURA: Yay, Grog!

TRAVIS: Grog takes the top off and does a–

LIAM: Loaner! Loaner.

TALIESIN: Put it back on.

LIAM: Loaner.

LAURA: It's his, he's keeping it. It's going to stink like Grog, you won't want that back.

TRAVIS: The things I'm gonna do in this armor, you're not going to want it back. Just give me and Scanlan one night to break it in, and I promise you, it will be mine.

MATT: Just the two of you?

TRAVIS: Well, uh, you know what I mean. Who am I talking to?

MATT: All right, well, go ahead and roll an investigation check.

TALIESIN: An investigation check, what is that? Eight.

MATT: Okay. Looking at the cart, the cart is a rickety wooden thing, but what was in the cart was a large glass unit, a containment unit that was sealed off. You can see the inside of it has slight scarring to the glass, but it seems to be resistant to whatever the loose creature was contained in it. Along the inside of the cart, you notice there are a couple of just left over chunks of flesh of different colors, patches or pieces you see, like part of a hand that's just in there.

LAURA: Ew.

MATT: Partially decomposed, to a certain extent. It looks like these were either used to feed whatever the creature was in there or remnants of some other strange collection. Based on the best you guys can ascertain, this creature was part of the experimentation-type process that the weird naga creature you fought earlier came from.

LAURA: Oh, great, so there could be more.

TRAVIS: Did we search the ogres?

LAURA: Yeah! Loot the ogres!

MATT: Ogres are wearing nasty, nasty, tattered at this point, hide armor

LIAM: Grog could do it.

MATT: They both carry total, amongst the two of them, about 24 pieces of gold.

LAURA: Sweet.

TRAVIS: I wanna take it.

LAURA: I add it to party funds.

TRAVIS: I am searching the ogres, and I keep the 24 gold, but I give two to Vax.

LIAM: Thank you.

TRAVIS: You're welcome.

MARISHA: Can I go and grab shards of the broken glass of the case?

MATT: If you'd like to, yeah. So mark that in your inventory, you have some hand-sized shards of broken glass.

TRAVIS: And two to Pike for healing me.

ASHLEY: Oh, thanks.

MATT: Anything else you guys wish to do in this section?

LIAM: So we searched the ogres, that's it. I guess we should just start walking further down.

TRAVIS: You take a poo on the black puddle of acid?

TALIESIN: I think– Well, no. That's the only heat source, that's the only lava there was, and now it's cool.

MATT: And now it has cooled, yeah.

TALIESIN: Okay, never mind, then.

MARISHA: Sorry.

TALIESIN: It's all right, I think it's worth it.

TRAVIS: I'd like to take a hit dice.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and do that. As many as you'd like.

LIAM: Let's rest for a half-hour or so.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Take a moment, you can spend any hit dice now that you need to to heal yourself. Just make sure to mark how many you've used.

TALIESIN: I just hear the sounds of ones.

MATT: All right. As you guys take a moment to heal yourselves, you pull yourselves back up to your feet, and you tread further down this tunnel. Another 25-30 minutes of the slight curvature, and it gets steeper and steeper, until eventually it opens up into a familiar cavern to some of you. You see a large waterfall pouring down from above–

ASHLEY: (gasps)

LAURA: Mother bitches.

MARISHA: It looped around?

MATT: You are on the outskirts of where the next tunnel opens up, where there are a few small streams of lava pouring from the ceiling. You look above, and you can see the top of the downward cavern. There's the giant lake beneath. And across the way, you can see the waterfall where Clarota was originally discovered.

MARISHA: Well, we should go pick up Trinket.

TALIESIN: At least you get your bear.

LAURA: (gasps) Trinket!

MARISHA: Let's go pick up Trinket.

LAURA: Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah.

TRAVIS: You're going to get your bear killed.

LIAM: Can you explain? I don't think I understand.

MARISHA: We left Trinket over there.

LIAM: Can you explain with your map, Matt?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: We're at the bottom of the cave.

ORION: We went down and just–

LIAM: I get we doubled back, but it would help the visual, I think.

MATT: Yeah so– and I'll have more of this for you guys next week.

TRAVIS: It was a warp tube.

MATT: The path you guys took was essentially– lead to this back area, which I'll draw for next week, and a tunnel that curved all the way around and exited right there.

LAURA: So we're–

LIAM: All right, we'll go get your bear.

LAURA: We'll go get Trinket, and then we'll go down the path we should have gone down in the first place next week.

MARISHA: Son of a bitch.

TALIESIN: Except we get Trinket.

LAURA: But Trinket!

MARISHA: So it's not useless.

LAURA: It was absolutely useless.

LIAM: That's fate, that's kismet.

MARISHA: Is there, like, any other way down here?

MATT: Other than the fact you've completely destroyed one of the mind flayer generals as well as the one helming the war camp above. You've acquired new magical items and defeated one of the abominations that was created for the siege war. I think you accomplished quite a few things, though maybe not as directly as you were hoping.

TALIESIN: And we acquired our bear.

LAURA: We got our bear back.

MATT: All right, so you, taking the flying carpet, it's a very precarious journey as the weight limit for the carpet–

LIAM: You go on it, right?

LAURA: He's with me, and he cast Featherfall.

MATT: You can go ahead and cast Fly on your bear. Trinket awkwardly (bear noises) manages to swim her way down to the bottom floor.

LAURA: Come, Trinket, come.

MATT: As you make your way to the base of the watery lake, at the bottom, you can see a swish to the water, and a very familiar sight briefly shows itself in the distance. As you see a slick domed fish-like head protrude with a few tentacles in the distance, you all instinctively step quite a distance away, and it seems to withdraw back into the water.

MARISHA: Can I– While I see it real quick, I'm going to go ahead and channel and cast Beast Sense through it.

MATT: Nothing bestial of it. This is not a natural creature.

MARISHA: Good to know.

MATT: Clarota once again whispers to the rest of you, "Stay at bay. The Aboleth is dangerous."

LAURA: Aboleth?

MARISHA: Aboleth.

MATT: You all step back and turn now into the the tunnel that extends further into the heart of this mountain. You see streams of lava pouring from the top occasionally, and one central flow of molten rock tends to fill half of the cavern, like a small river heading down into the base of the mountain. This is very familiar to you, as it's the path that your dream took you.

ASHLEY: Guys, this is really familiar to me.

(all laugh)

LAURA: We spent a whole game doing–

MARISHA: Well, we took a wrong turn, I guess.

LIAM: I don't know. We were flexing our muscles a little bit.

LAURA: Flexing our muscles.

MARISHA: Yeah, I like it.

LAURA: Plus you got us new armor out of it.

TRAVIS: And I got naked, too.

MATT: As you guys begin to step into the next lengths of your subterranean journey, we'll pick that up next week. Thank you all so much for tuning into Critical Role.

LAURA: Man, oh man, oh man.

MATT: Some tense battles. An intense encounter choice on you guys' part. Well done on that.

ASHLEY: I want to keep going.

LIAM: Who's this guy?

MATT: What is this?

ZAC: All right, so. Amy was the winner of our first giveaway.

MATT: Congrats, Amy.

(all cheer)

MARISHA: Huzzah.

ZAC: I ask whoever hasn't signed this, we're going to pass it around to all sign it for Amy.

MATT: Awesome, we'll all do that.

ZAC: As a thank-you for Amy, she's an avid fan.

LAURA: Yay!

MATT: Thank you, Amy, that's awesome.

MARISHA: Thanks for being a fan.

ASHLEY: Thanks, Amy.

ZAC: As a personal challenge, guys, from me to you, I think we are, what are we, 18 away, Lucas?

LUCAS: 19.

LAURA: 19?

MATT: 19 away from our next package?

ZAC: From the next one.

LUCAS: Is it at 1,550?

ZAC: Yeah.

LUCAS: Oh, we're 29 away.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

MATT: Aw.

ZAC: Are you sure?

LUCAS: Yeah, we're at 1,521.

ZAC: Okay, so we've got a little bit of a ways to go, but I'm going to go ahead and have these guys sign this one as well, and I'm going to push you guys that by the end of tonight, if we reach 1,550, I'll go ahead and throw this in with the next promo kit, as well. And if not I'll hang onto it for myself, and I won.

MATT: Boom.

ZAC: Thank you guys so much. That was fun. It gets more intense like every week.

MATT: That's apparently the path this is taking, so–

MARISHA: We keep getting knocked unconscious.

TRAVIS: We make amazing decisions.

(all laugh)

ZAC: And just so you guys know, that was the chat room that decided on your fate.

LAURA: You?

TRAVIS: Sons of bitches.

MATT: Yeah, second week in a row.

TRAVIS: (sings) Why can't we be friends?

ALL: (sing) Why can't we be friends?

MATT: So the chat room creature choice, those will be an occasional thing, not a weekly thing, 'cause it's too difficult to keep up with that and a little too random. Plus that's just too many creatures to be prepared for. But every few weeks or so, I'm gonna throw one out there for you guys. So come and watch. Hopefully you'll be there for one of those episodes. Put your friends together, vote for the creature you want to see them fight, and if a TPK happens, not my fault, it's totally on you guys.

LAURA: Is that a total party kill?

MATT: Total party kill.

ZAC: That's intense. So, guys, we're not going to go offline just now. We're going to stick around for a little while. We're going to throw it up while we move some cameras, so I'm going to leave it up to the chat room. It's up to you guys, we can either come back and play some Bloodborne on the PS4 that you guys bought us, or we can come back and play some Just Dance 2014 that you guys also bought us. So there's dancing or Bloodborne. It's up to you guys.

MATT: Dancing is fun to watch, Bloodborne just to watch him get really, really angry.

ZAC: I don't get angry. Lucas gets angry, though.

MATT: This game, the beginning of this game will make you angry. All right, all right.

MARISHA: You don't get angry? Have you played Dark Souls or Demon Souls? Because–

ZAC: I think actually–

MATT: Demon Souls mimics, man, I know the pain you're in for.

ZAC: What was it like, Bachee or something like that? Man, that game pissed me off.

ORION: Bocce ball?

ZAC: Wings of– ire, ear, something like that.

MATT: Oh yeah, I know what you're talking about.

ZAC: Man, that was heavy. Would any of you guys be interested in sticking around to dance a round or two if we were to go to Just Dance? It's a nightly staple here. We end the nights with dancing. I don't know if you guys have seen that ridiculousness, but–

MATT: Who would want to stick around for that?

ZAC: They're all shivering in fear, you guys

LIAM: How soon will that start? I'll stay for 20.

MATT: We can stay for a little bit.

ZAC: I bet they're are all going to ask for dancing now.

LUCAS: See a lot of Bloodborne, actually.

ZAC: Oh, really?

MATT: Oh, I live for Bloodborne, man.

ZAC: Well, the second–