Transcript:Family Shatters

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

TRAVIS: (hollering) We play Dungeons & Dragons!

TALIESIN: Dragons!

TRAVIS: Wow.

MATT: There you go. Welcome. Before we jump into tonight's session, we have a few announcements to get through, including the first of our two fantastic sponsors tonight, Two Point Hospital. Sam, if you don't mind with whatever this is.

SAM: This week's episode is sponsored by the hit PC hospital management game, Two Point Hospital, coming to PS4, Xbox One and Nintendo Switch on February 25th. So now you can finally build, manage, and maintain your very own healthcare empire from the comfort of your couch, which got me thinking, what kind of doctor would I want to be?

MATT: Oh no.

(dramatic music)

MARISHA: Doctor, I need a doctor.

SAM: Why hello, it's me, Dr. Raul Amor, PhD, but you can call me Dr. Love. (laughter) I studied at all the most prestigious international medical institutions, I'm an expert in emergency brain surgery, facial replacement surgery, and operating in war zones with no electricity.

MARISHA: Thank god, I feel really awful.

SAM: Let me take a look. Your heart.

MARISHA: Is something wrong?

SAM: No, I've just never heard a more passionate soul before. I'm ready to make my diagnosis. You need 30 cc's of tender loving care, (groaning) 20 seconds of smoldering looks, and kiss on the cheek from yours truly.

MARISHA: (grunting)

SAM: Oh no! Looks like the patient wasn't ready for my medical grade handsomeness.

LIAM: No, you idiot, her appendix is ruptured. She needs antibiotics and surgery.

(laughter)

SAM: What's your name? They call me Dr. Love.

LIAM: What is wrong with you, Sam?

(laughter)

SAM: And scene.

(laughter)

MATT: What?

SAM: That's the whole bit.

(laughter)

MATT: Okay!

SAM: When you-- (coughs) I'm sick, guys.

(laughter)

LIAM: In the head.

SAM: When you buy Two Point Hospital on console, you also get two DLC expansions. You'll be doing that all night.

LAURA: No!

SAM: Including Pebberly Island, where you can blaze a sterilized trail through a tropical island paradise, and the Bigfoot DLC, where you help local celebrity Yeti, Bartholomew F. Yeti--

TRAVIS: Yep.

SAM: -- on his quest to improve the well-being of sickly locals.

TRAVIS: Sounds right.

SAM: We'll be playing it when it launches next Tuesday in a special episode of Everything is Content.

LAURA: Yay!

TRAVIS: Oh sweet, we are? Awesome!

SAM: Go check it out. Go check out Two Point Hospital now at b**.ly/CR_Hospital.

(cheering)

MARISHA: Everything is Content.

(applause)

TRAVIS: Nice job, doc.

TALIESIN: You can stay here the whole time.

MATT: Here you go. See, even in digital worlds, you can build a better healthcare system than America has. (chuckles) Thank you, Sam, thank you, Two Point Hospital. Our follow-up sponsor tonight are our friends since the beginning of the campaign, D&D Beyond.

TRAVIS: ♪ D&D Beyond! ♪

MATT: If you haven't got a chance to check out their stuff yet D&D Beyond is a fantastic online digital tool for all your campaigns and character player elements to maintain, to expand upon, to customize, all that fun stuff. We use it. It's awesome. Check it out at dnbeyond.link/criticalrole, and thank you guys so much for continuing to support the show. A couple of announcements I got to get to. Issue number five of Vox Machina: Origins is now available--

LIAM: Look at that beautiful bastard!

MATT: -- at your local favorite comic book store, as well as digitally at ComiXology, Dark Horse Digital and other fine places comic books are available. Percy finally joins Vox Machina.

TALIESIN: It's so good. It's so good.

MATT: Jody Houser--

SAM: You know how there's some comic book series where, like, number one isn't the one, the collectible. It's the first appearance of blah blah blah.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: This could be that one.

MATT: It probably will be.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: Thank you, Sam.

SAM: Sure.

LAURA: Maybe.

SAM: It could be this one!

TALIESIN: It could.

MATT: Indeed.

SAM: Spider-Man also makes an appearance in this one.

LAURA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Oh, good, good, good.

MATT: Can't confirm that. Can't confirm that.

SAM: It's Spider-Man's first appearance--

MATT: No.

SAM: -- in Critical Role--

MATT: No.

SAM: -- in this series.

MATT: No, that's not true at all.

TRAVIS: Man-Spider.

MATT: But you know what it is? It's amazing cover art by our fan artist, CoupleofKooks, @kooks000.. They're an amazing artist. They did a great job with that cover art.

TRAVIS: So good.

MATT: I mean, once again, Jody Houser, such incredible writer. Olivia Samson's in here, everybody who is involved in this project did a great job--

LIAM: Hold it up again, hold it up again. (groans) Gatorade is thirsty.

TRAVIS: My clothes just fell off.

MATT: It's so good. (laughter)

TALIESIN: That was a good game, by the way. I remember that game, that was a good game. That was a really good session.

MATT: Also, we are heading to Chicago next week for C2E2.

TRAVIS: Chicago!

MATT: Super excited. We have a very special live show coming up on that Thursday that we'll be streaming live an hour earlier. Those who aren't familiar with the weird time scheduling changes between time zones, but we will be, this'll be 6:00pm Pacific next Thursday on Twitch, 8:00pm Central, and if you're attending C2E2, be sure to check out our panel on Saturday at 11:00am on the main stage. So excited for that, looking forward to meeting all the Critters out there in Chicago, and it'll be awesome. Laura, you have some announcements.

LAURA: Oh, wow, yes I do. (stilted) This week, we have put up for sale all of our merchandise from our 2019 live shows-- that--

SAM: Why are you talking like that?

LAURA: You can't-- that were unavailable before, except at the live shows, but I should let you, okay, so I'm going to tell you what they are. We have an oversized d20. Ooh! We've got these beautiful metal dice. Ooh, they're so heavy! And then the Jester chibi pin that was only available at the live show, so it actually says series number one, which is pretty cool, and it's got, you know, the little special glitter on it, because it's Jester.

SAM: Are these limited items?

LAURA: They are limited items, and they are probably going to sell out very soon, because we only had a few left that we put in the store, so just so you guys know, once they're gone, they're gone. Okay that's it, that's it, that's all I got.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: The box looks cool.

LAURA: I know, it's so pretty right?

ASHLEY: Om nom nom nom. (laughter) I forgot we are on camera.

MATT: I love you so much, Ashley.

LAURA: So I shall say that the chibi pin, the art was by Jenny Park.

MATT: Jenny Park, woo!

TRAVIS: As we know, it showed up on Game Ranch later. Om nom nom! I'm a box!

(laughter)

LAURA: Lean away.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Stop looking at me!

MATT: All righty, I believe then, without further ado, let us go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

(shouting)

(water bubbling) (thunder) (explosion) ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ (Mighty Nein, Mighty Nein) ♪ ♪ Roll the dice, roll the dice (dice, dice) ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware, 'cause you're 'bout to be dead ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don't see over there ♪ ♪ There's a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting, rise up, don't think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands ♪ ♪ Take a chance, roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Ooh, ah ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call? ♪ ♪ Dig in deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it's your turn (your turn, your turn) ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (fire rumbling)

Part I
MATT: And welcome back. So last we left off--

TALIESIN: Oh shit. Damn it.

MATT: The Mighty Nein had made their way to the southern edge of Xhorhas to the Whitedawn Lagoon in search of what had seemed to be the next destination in Caduceus' main journey through his visions he had received from the Wild Mother, in hopes of hopefully coming upon the rest of his family, as they themselves have been traveling, scattered a bit over time. You made your way through the jungles, on the southwestern edge of the Whitedawn Lagoon coast. Through there, you encountered some dangerous creatures, had some revelations with the Traveler, and a unique series of conversations of mild understanding that where both sides (chuckles) between you and him stand and the impending gathering of traveler followers in the weeks to come. Upon battling your way through the jungle and some odd creatures that didn't seem indigenous to this specific region, you made your way to the Oasis in question, a beautiful lake lying here in the center of this deep, dense jungle, its deep red earth exposed against the clear waters and a collection of stone sculptures that peppered the entirety of the banks here, all sorts of creatures and people, which upon closer look, seem to be a bit more detailed than you anticipated. Upon inspecting a number of these entities--

SAM: Oh, Jesus, a lot of them.

TALIESIN: That's not good for my anxiety, thank you.

MATT: A number of these entities, Caduceus recognized members of his family amongst these statues, and as you begin to assess the scenery, you heard the heavy hoofbeats of a creature charging from the treeline in your direction. A metally-armored bull-like entity, swollen with muscle, and it seemed to be these piercing barbs that push between its metal plates, emitting some sort of a greenish feeling from between its various exposed underbellies, its giant carved horns pushing forward and hooked as it barreled towards you. You hear this large bellowing roar as its mouth opens up, not like that of a bull's, but like a giant two-part scoop jaw. It is unnatural, it is mutated, and it is charging your direction. I need, first off, you all to place yourselves on this battlefield. Caduceus, you had just inspected your two members of your family right there.

TALIESIN: Cool.

TRAVIS: I'm near the water line.

LAURA: I like that we don't need to know where this creature is--

TRAVIS: I know!

(laughter)

MATT: Of course!

TRAVIS: I'll go... Yeah.

MATT: There you go. All right, Beauregard.

MARISHA: I don't know. I'll be--

TRAVIS: Not there!

MARISHA: No, from, up a little bit from Caduceus.

MATT: Here?

MARISHA: Yeah, that sounds good, that sounds good.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: I remember that I said I was curious about different kinds of animals. Let's put me by the moorbounder-looking statue.

MATT: The young moorbounder there?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: You got it. Yasha?

ASHLEY: Okay, I feel like, I'm going to go--

LIAM: It's all exclamation points.

ASHLEY: -- that way, near the shoreline, because I was peeking into it. The other side, yeah, yeah.

MATT: Here?

ASHLEY: Yeah. Just because, why not be alone out there.

MATT: Jester?

MARISHA: Sorry, Chris, sorry, Chris.

LAURA: I'm going to say that I was near Fjord.

MATT: So that'd be over in this region. Whereabouts?

LAURA: Let's be-- I'm going to be checking out this little dude over here.

MATT: Okay, you got it.

ASHLEY: He's going to come in behind me and kill me.

MATT: Nott?

SAM: Nott would like to be in Boston at PAX East where you can check out the Dwarven Forge booth at Elderwood Academy booth where you can go check out Dwarven Forge and get a peek at their Kickstarter, Wildlands.

TALIESIN: Really?

SAM: Find out more at DwarvenForge.com, but Nott can't be there, so instead, Nott would like to go closer to that tree.

LIAM: I like that you--

LAURA: What tree?

LIAM: -- threw that over your shoulder and it landed directly in front of us.

SAM: Yeah, because it was like, you're not done with this.

MATT: Nott. Like here? Like up on the top of here, behind it?

SAM: Yeah, which direction were we moving in?

MATT: You guys are moving up along--

LAURA: And we were walking--

SAM: I want to be not close to the water.

TRAVIS: That's true.

SAM: So just like, yeah, where that hump is next to that tree.

MATT: Right here?

SAM: That'd be great, yeah.

MATT: Okay, there you are.

TRAVIS and LAURA: ♪ My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump ♪

LAURA: ♪ Check it out! ♪

MATT: And thereabouts just where it's coming from.

ASHLEY: What?

LAURA: Moo!

TRAVIS: No.

LAURA: That's the sound I imagine it makes.

TRAVIS: No!

MATT: So need everyone to roll initiative, please.

(groaning)

LIAM: Goodness.

MARISHA: Wait, did he plant it? Do we see it?

MATT: Right there.

MARISHA: Oh sh--

LIAM: Wow, a rare high number for Caleb's initiative.

MARISHA: Oh, a rare low number for Beau.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Fun.

MATT: So 25 to 20?

LIAM: 20.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: Jeez.

MATT: Caleb up front.

LAURA: What?

LIAM: I don't like that at all.

MATT: 20 to 15?

LAURA: 17.

TALIESIN: 16.

TRAVIS: 18.

SAM: Wow, guys, those are great rolls!

LAURA: What did you say, Yasha?

MATT: What'd you get, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: 16.

ASHLEY: I'm not up yet.

MATT: Jester, you said you were 17?

LAURA: Yes, sir.

MATT: All right. Caduceus.

TALIESIN: With advantage?

MATT: 15 to 10.

SAM: Oh, that's me. No, it's not.

ASHLEY: 11.

MATT: What is it?

ASHLEY: 11.

MATT: 11, all right.

ASHLEY: (British accent) This one goes to 11.

TALIESIN: (British accent) Nice.

ASHLEY: Sorry.

LAURA: (frustrated yell)

ASHLEY: I'm not alone.

MATT: Ten to five.

SAM: Seven.

MARISHA: Eight. I'm ashamed of myself. Wow, Nott. You were low, too.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right, that is all. After you hear the low haunting, like, (bellows). This this weird almost dire horn of a bellowing yell from this creature. (thudding footsteps) You see sand and red dirt being thrown up, the ground cracking beneath it as it just barrels forward. These two hooked, spiked horns at the front of it. Its glowing green eyes and the fume that's spilling out from between its armored pieces. Up top we have Caleb. What are you doing, buddy?

LIAM: So in that split second moment, Caleb sees Caduceus' look of recognition and realizes what is happening over here and sees this thing coming through the underbrush. So rattling through his bag, molasses along his hand which he then spins in the air and I will cast Slow.

MATT: Slow on that?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: All righty. What is the save on that one?

LIAM: That is a 17.

MATT: Seven-- no, what kind of--

LIAM: Oh, wisdom.

MATT: Wisdom. It's a failure, it's going to use a legendary resistance.

ALL: Oh!

TRAVIS: A legendary resistance.

MATT: Yes, it does.

SAM: It's probably just got one of those.

MATT: You attempt to reach out and weave this arcane net into its physicality to slow it down. It shrugs it off, no effect, and continues barreling forward. You still have movement and a bonus action.

LIAM: Yeah. He'll then just take a little shimmy to the side to stand behind this stone animal and yeah, that's right. And then maybe five feet diagonally that way as well, backing away.

MATT: There?

LIAM: No.

MATT: There?

LIAM: There, yeah.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: You got it. All righty, Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: Oh, god, it is my turn!

LAURA: Yeah, you're up!

MATT: You rolled high, buddy.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh. I'll go: Ah, ah, metal bull! And I'll run this direction. Actually, I'll fire off three Eldritch--

MATT: You remembered, yes.

TRAVIS: And then I'll take off running.

MATT: All right, go for it.

TRAVIS: A-one, a-two--

LIAM: Mr. Fjord.

TRAVIS: -- a-three.

LIAM: The Eldritch Blast does it.

TRAVIS: Apparently, I get three now.

MATT: Level up.

MARISHA: Into the center of a a co-mutated bull.

TRAVIS: That is a 16.

MATT: 16 misses.

TRAVIS: Misses, second one. Natural one.

MARISHA: Aw, come on.

TRAVIS: 22.

MATT: 22 does hit.

TRAVIS: Okay great, one of three.

MATT: The first one just glances off of its shoulders. The second one just goes wide into the trees. The third one does manage to pierce it in the side of its shoulder.

TRAVIS: Nice, 14 points of force damage.

MATT: Got it.

TRAVIS: And I will run my 30 feet--

MATT: This way?

TRAVIS: Yeah, in in the direction of Yasha. And go: Jester, let's go!

MATT: You got it. As they're splashing along the shoreline. All righty, finishing Fjord's turn. Jester, you're up, Caduceus, you're on deck.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to, just to see what it does, I'm going to cast Guiding Bolt at 3rd-level, straight at the dude.

MATT: Right there?

SAM: Right up the butt?

MATT: Okay. From where you are right now, has half cover, so just be aware of that.

LAURA: Can I shimmy over, so I can see him?

MATT: You go over to about there and it will lose its half cover.

LAURA: All right.

MATT: Because it's larger than them.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to roll.

TALIESIN: Perfect.

LAURA: (cheers) 29.

MATT: 29 will work.

LAURA: All right.

TRAVIS: Lot of extra.

LAURA: Seven, six. I don't have my stuff organized. ♪ One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, ♪

LAURA and ASHLEY: ♪ nine, 10 ♪

ALL: ♪ 11, 12 ♪

MATT: What level did you cast that at? That was level--

LAURA: That was a 3rd-level.

MATT: You got it, roll for it.

LAURA: Aw, balls, eight, 10, 14, 16 points of radiant damage.

MATT: 16 points of radiant damage.

MATT and LAURA: The next attack has advantage.

MATT: It is now shining brightly from its current position.

SAM: ♪ Shine bright like a diamond ♪

LAURA: And then can I use the rest of my movement?

MATT: You can. You have 15 more feet.

LAURA: Can I back up into the water?

MATT: Sure. And about there, that'll be the rest because now you're in the water. You can breathe water from the spell that was cast. It's still half movement moving into it. So about anything beyond that line right there is going to be about-- it's 10 feet of movement per square you move.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Just to be aware.

TRAVIS: 10 feet per square. MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Got it.

MATT: Your speed is halved, essentially.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: All right, that finishes Jester's turn. At the end of Jester's turn...

TRAVIS: Is that it?

MATT: At the end of Jester's turn, it's going to use one of its legendary actions to use Defensive Shift after being impacted, and it's going to move 15 feet.

SAM: Oh, that's not so bad.

TRAVIS: Defensive Shift.

MATT: All right, Caduceus, your turn.

TALIESIN: First of all, (anxious muttering) I'm going to-- this thing doesn't look that smart. I'm going to use my bonus action to turn invisible for one round.

MATT: All righty. So you...

SAM: Ca-hu-ceus.

MATT: You're ridiculous.

TRAVIS: Green smoke, right? So we probably shouldn't let it get near us at all.

SAM: Green smoke?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

SAM: That's not a good idea.

TALIESIN: Because if any of us go down, then I can't do anything, so I'd rather keep--

MATT: Pouring out of its nostrils and emanating from underneath where its arms meet its armor and through some of the gaps in it.

TRAVIS: I don't want to be judgemental, but, you know.

TALIESIN: No, I'd rather save options for when we go down.

SAM: In commercials, they don't use green smoke coming from the armpits to be good things.

TALIESIN: I'm going to start moving in the diagonal direction towards the water and about halfway there, when I've got three, when I've got Nott, Beau and Jester. Well, I've got Nott, Beau within, well--

LAURA: Yeah, it looks about equal.

TALIESIN: Yeah, Nott, Beau, and Jester. I'm going to cast... Actually, not on you, I'm so sorry. On myself, Nott, and Beau, I'm going to cast Bless.

MATT: All righty. So Nott, Beau, and who else?

TALIESIN: Nott, Beau, and myself.

LAURA: Not me.

TALIESIN: Well, that way I can keep it up because I get the extra d4 to the save.

TRAVIS: Selfish.

MATT: You got it. 15 feet, you cast Bless and you have 15 more feet if you want to.

TALIESIN: I'm going to head out and start getting into the water and yeah, keep moving away from my family.

MATT: That's as far as you can get right there. All righty.

TALIESIN: Probably, if I can get, yeah, if I can hide.

MATT: Okay. You're invisible, so you're hiding pretty well. That finishes Caduceus' turn. It is now the creature's turn.

LIAM: Nope.

SAM: Here we go.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: You are not going to move.

MATT: First--

LAURA: Moo!

MATT: -- it's going to go ahead (running footsteps) and it's going to move right up to Nott, who's closest to it. As it rushes towards you, it's going to attempt to make a gore attack.

LAURA: No! Can you use your reaction to jump away from it?

SAM: I use my reaction to jump away from it.

MATT: That doesn't work, sorry. (laughter) That's a 21 to hit?

SAM: Yes.

TRAVIS: Quick, do you have a red cape?

(laughter)

MATT: All right, and because it moved at least 20 feet straight ahead, you need to make a strength saving throw for me, if you don't mind.

TALIESIN: With an extra d4.

SAM: Ooh. Thank you.

LAURA: Ooh! That's helpful.

SAM: 15.

MATT: 15, fail. You are knocked prone.

SAM: Okay, it trampled me.

MATT: And for the first, as it gores you with its horns you take-- that's cocked.

LAURA: You're right at head level, too, so it made it extra gore-tastic.

SAM: (groaning)

MATT: 30 points of piercing damage.

SAM: Uncanny Dodge.

MATT: All right. So you take 15--

LAURA: Can you Uncanny Dodge when you're prone?

MATT: Yeah, just a reaction to make it happen. But it does get to make a hoof attack against you as a bonus action.

TRAVIS: Hoof.

LIAM: Hoof!

TRAVIS: We're a little slap happy.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: That'll be... 19 to hit.

SAM: Hits.

MATT: All righty, then as it slams in you and you scrape onto the ground. (grunts) Hurt, trying to duck, you manage to duck out of the way to miss it spearing the middle of your torso and going after horrible organs and then all of a sudden you look up and you see. It slams down with its hooves onto you. You suffer... You suffer!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: In general!

MATT: All right. 19 points of bludgeoning damage.

TRAVIS: Damn! This thing can hit hard!

LAURA: Jeez-uh!

MATT: And with the rest of its movement, it's going to go ahead and shift this way with its movement. It's going to--

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: No!

TRAVIS: Nein!

MATT: -- continue facing that right there. That ends its turn. Beauregard, you're up. Oh sorry, no, Yasha. Yasha is up and then Beauregard and Nott.

ASHLEY: I would like to rage.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: And then, I want to just start running as much as I can. I'll just take that as the whole turn.

MATT: 30, 35, 40. What's your movement?

ASHLEY: It is--

MATT: 40 feet?

ASHLEY: 40 feet, yeah.

MATT: That's your movement. You could use your action to continue to run the rest of it or you could--

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I would like to do that.

SAM: Someone call Dr. Love.

MATT: 35. So you are now right there.

TALIESIN: Do you have a bonus action attack or no?

ASHLEY: I wonder if I should do that, then.

MATT: It's not a bonus action attack, unfortunately.

ASHLEY: No, I'm just there.

MATT: But you're there in front of it. ASHLEY: I'm there in front of it.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: You got it. All righty.

TALIESIN: It'll also use the-- Yeah, that's good, because that gives--

ASHLEY: Yeah, it gives Beau advantage.

MARISHA: Yeah, are you flanking me?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: Oh, that's good.

MATT: Well, you can be flanking with it, technically.

TRAVIS: ♪ Flanking ♪

MATT: All right, at the end of your turn... No, it's going to-- that's it. All right, cool. That's your turn?

ASHLEY: That's my turn.

MATT: Beauregard, you're up.

LAURA: Do we wait for--

MARISHA: I know, what to not do.

TALIESIN: It's made of tricks. We're going to-- it's terrible.

MATT: It's a piñata, guys. Get candy.

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to run up to it and flank with Yasha.

MATT: All righty. Go for it. Flank there, all righty.

LIAM: This thing's going to fart on you both.

MARISHA: Yeah, I know. Ach! I'm going to, like, you know, try and stay up top-- (laughter) with my hits! Like, I want to avoid the spleen-- Try go for the top.

MATT: And see these these odd, long quills, that seem to be pushing out of underneath where its body armor is. The armor's bending in awkward ways. What looks--

LAURA: I don't like him.

MATT: It looks a little wrong in its design. But go for it, make your attacks.

MARISHA: I'm going to go for what look like the weak spots.

MATT: Sure, in between the metal.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Do it. Do your attacks.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm doing it, I'm doing that.

MATT: So you have two attacks, action.

TALIESIN: You can add a d4 to both of those, too.

MARISHA: Which is good.

MATT: Because you're Blessed.

MARISHA: For that one and that one. Okay, 26.

MATT: 26.

MARISHA: And then... 15.

MATT: 15 misses.

MARISHA: Which I believe misses.

MATT: One of them, you strike it hits the metal plate. And the other one you manage to pierce in between two of the plate and hits a little more softer.

LAURA: Did you take advantage on it?

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Do I have advantage?

LAURA: No, you already got advantage because--

LIAM: Oh, that was two attacks.

MARISHA: Ooh, oh, I didn't.

MATT: So that'd be your first attack, so roll for a second attack now.

MARISHA: Okay, that's much better. Roll another d4. 25.

MATT: Okay, both hit. Roll damage for each.

MARISHA: Thank you. Okay, that's good. Guiding Bolt, oh, Guiding Bolt. That's why I have an advantage.

MATT: Also, you're flanking with Yasha.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

LAURA: So its like triple-y--

TRAVIS: That's just natural.

MARISHA: 13 damage on the first one and... sorry, 11 damage on the second.

MATT: Got it. As (grunts) each impact hits, you pull back and with each blow against his body, the sections between the metal plates emits that green gas that you saw trailing behind it. Nott, Yasha and Beauregard are all adjacent to it. You all suffer eight points of poison damage.

TALIESIN: You don't though.

MARISHA: I can't be poisoned.

MATT: Right, so you take no damage. Both you guys take eight points of poison damage from the first attack.

SAM: First?

MATT: And the second attack deals six points of poison damage.

SAM: Every time we attack it?

TRAVIS: Just melee attacks, right?

TALIESIN: If you're right next to it.

TRAVIS: It didn't happen when the Eldritch Blast did it.

MATT: It didn't seem to hit with an Eldritch Blaster.

LAURA: Like magic can do.

SAM: And how far, well, how far did it look like the gas?

MATT: Just around it, immediately around it.

SAM: Okay, okay.

MATT: You have a bonus action.

MARISHA: Patient Defense.

MATT: Okay, you got it. All right.

SAM: That was a mature decision, Beau.

MATT: All right. At the at the end of Beau's turn, it's going to go ahead and use two of its legendary actions--

LAURA: Two of them?!

MATT: -- to tighten its armor.

TRAVIS: To tighten?

MATT: So now, you watch as the plates around its body seize up and condense, the quills themselves bending back and it looks like it almost hurts it to do so, but it seems to be a little more fortified for the time being.

LAURA: Does it looks like the plates are part of it, like, they're part of the body.

MATT: Like they've grown out of it naturally, but also weirdly, you haven't quite seen a creature like this before.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: That finishes Beauregard's turn. Nott, you're up. Caleb, you're on deck.

SAM: Shit. I will use half movement to stand up

MATT: All righty.

SAM: And sort of brush the hook marks off of me. It's right next to me, so I guess I should bonus action disengage.

MATT: If you'd like to.

SAM: Yes. I would like to.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And then-- shit. How do I not get killed by this thing?

LAURA: Can you run up a tree?

MATT: That's a good question.

SAM: I can run up a tree.

MATT: If you'd like to.

SAM: How tall is that tree?

MATT: Oh, that tree's about, I'd say, 20, 25 feet. But the lower branches are about 10 feet off the ground.

SAM: But how much movement, I only have half movement. So I have--

MATT: You have 15 feet left.

SAM: And I'm, like, 10 feet--

MATT: Or I'd say 20. Your speed's 35, right?

SAM: 35, yeah.

MATT: I'll say 15 to 20.

SAM: But it's 10 feet to get the tree, at least, right?

MATT: That's about, yeah.

LAURA: You might be able to get to the bottom branch.

SAM: Might, I might... Instead, I will run that way.

MATT: This way?

SAM: 15 feet.

MATT: At a diagonal?

SAM: Yeah, and then cast Levitate and go 20 feet up.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

MATT: Okay, so you (floating). Lift up off the ground.

SAM: Yeah.

LIAM: Like bike pedal into the air.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: (panicked yelling)

TALIESIN: How hard is it to Extract Aspects at some point?

MARISHA: I just--

LIAM: Arcane Trickster.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay.

MARISHA: I'm going to have to do Flurry of Blows, but I didn't want to give them--

MATT: All righty. That's pretty cool, actually.

MARISHA: But yeah.

TALIESIN: I was just curious. This is nerve-wracking.

SAM: Levitate from which one?

LAURA: (whispering) What am I doing, what am I doing?

SAM: What'd you say?

MATT: Levitate.

SAM: Oh, at the only level I have, level two.

TRAVIS: ♪ The only level I have ♪ That's all I got.

MATT: Do you have Levitate?

SAM: I got it, it's on my list. It was an option for me on D&D Beyond, a company I love.

MATT: That's true, just double checking.

TRAVIS and LAURA: ♪ D&D ♪

SAM: ♪ (low-pitched) D&D Beyond. ♪

LAURA: ♪ It's D&D ♪

TRAVIS: You got the husky, sexy voice tonight.

ASHLEY: ♪ Got the perfect warlock. ♪

SAM: ♪ (stilted) You got the perfect warlock. ♪

(laughter)

SAM: Uh oh! Matt's criticizing my spell choice.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: "Each of these spells must be enchantment or illusion."

SAM: That's-- oh, it does say transmutation. They offered it to me, did not know that... I couldn't have it.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: "Spells you learn at 8th, 14th and 20th level can be from any school of magic." So that's probably when you chose it. So you're good, just double checking, double checking, you're good, you're good.

TRAVIS: It's good to know.

LAURA: Oh, man.

TRAVIS: Just to be sure.

LIAM: That is one of the three rules of Dungeons & Dragons. There's three.

SAM: That's right, that's right.

LIAM: We finally learned the last one.

MATT: Perfect. So all right. As you rush off to the side, you went ahead and cast the spell, and lift up off the ground. You're now floating in the air above, looking down at this creature, your friends pincering it from that side and the scattering statues that sit amongst the beach side of the oasis in the red earth--

SAM: It's really nice up here, guys.

MATT: All right, Nott, that's end of your turn?

SAM: Uh-huh.

MATT: Caleb, you're up. Fjord, you're on deck.

LIAM: Caleb, very frustrated to have his first foray shrugged off is going to move forward. I want to put him here.

MATT: Right there?

LIAM: Here, let's say here. I need a clear line of sight. He digs into his bag and pulls out a lodestone, which he palms in his hand and drags some minerals and dust up his entire arm and points his finger and I cast Disintegrate at this thing.

MATT: At this thing?

LIAM: Dex save.

MATT: A dex save. Oh, it's cocked. No, that is an eight. Go ahead and roll some damage on that.

MARISHA: Hey.

TALIESIN: (nervous warbling) Thank you, Caleb.

LIAM: That is 68 points of force damage.

ALL: Whoa!

SAM: He's been castrated.

LIAM: And then I pull--

MATT: You blast it with the ray. You watch some of the metal just rust away on its body, exposing parts of its flesh, this like... a grayish musculature underneath, but where that burns away you can see where the fume is coming from this bright green, neon liquid you would assume is its blood.

SAM: (groans)

LIAM: And then I'm just going to dance my last 10 feet diagonally back towards the water and away from Caduceus' family.

MATT: All right, you got it.

LIAM: That's it.

MARISHA: Beau just turns over her shoulder with a little bit of hair burning.

MATT: All right, at the end of Caleb's turn, it's going to go ahead and use its last legendary action to use Defensive Shift. One, two, three.

TRAVIS: Shit.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Does Yasha and I--

ASHLEY: Yeah, do we get a little bit of--

MATT: No, because it moves without triggering opportunity attacks when it does that.

ASHLEY: (hisses)

LIAM: What is it about a game of dice that is making me literally hand shake? It's just dice.

LAURA: It's so nerveracking!

MARISHA: Stakes are very high.

MATT: Whatcha doing, Fjord?

TRAVIS: Can you move diagonally-- is it like this, bump, bump, bump?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Okay. Can I move diagonally in his direction, 30 feet?

MATT: 25, 30. Right there.

TRAVIS: Does that put me within-- He's still out of range, isn't he? He's more than 30 feet away. I'll fire three more Eldritch Blasts in his direction.

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: Pew pew!

TALIESIN: Pew pew.

TRAVIS: God fucking anus! 11.

MATT: 11 misses.

TRAVIS: 23?

MATT: 23 misses.

LAURA: (gasps)

ASHLEY: What?!

MATT: And that last one's a miss, too.

LIAM: Because he's beefed up. Because his armor--

ASHLEY: Because he's beefed up right now.

LAURA: Oh, because he did the tightening move, motherfucker!

TRAVIS: All three miss, all three miss.

LAURA and LIAM: Aw!

MATT: Two of them hit and then (poofing). No impact, no damage, just little dark scuff of the eldritch power leaving residual nothing.

TRAVIS: ♪ Fuck you ♪

SAM: That is some bullshit.

MATT: All right, that finishes your turn?

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Jester, you're up. Caduceus, you're on deck.

LAURA: Okay, jeez louise!

MARISHA: So if you don't roll, like...

LAURA: (sighs)

LIAM: Or do things that don't involve AC.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Magic.

MATT: Which is not what I do.

LAURA: That was what I was planning on doing. I'm going to use my movement to climb up the rock. Can I climb up the rock next to it?

MATT: Yeah, I can definitely allow that, definitely. That'll be... Make an athletics check for me. Well, you know what-- Yeah, just make an athletics check.

LAURA: Natural 20.

MATT: Oh, you're fine.

LAURA: ♪ I wish I would've been rolling something else! ♪ Okay, and I'm going to cast-- Aw, jeez.

MATT: That's-- what level's that?

LAURA: Aw, jeez. Oh that's, yes, I'm okay, I'm sorry. This is so much harder now that I know that he's hard to hit.

MARISHA: He still has two legendary resistances.

MATT: He's lost one.

MARISHA: That's one-- (mumbling)

TRAVIS: Do they come back every round?

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

ASHLEY: That wasn't two?

MARISHA: It's got legendary actions.

LIAM: Legendary Actions, which is different than Legendary Resistances.

ASHLEY: I understand; that is correct.

LIAM: Slow burn one of those.

LAURA: I'm going to use Invoke Duplicity as an action.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: All right, so you go ahead and inflicts your Jester duplicate-- where?

LAURA: I'm going to go as far away from me as I can towards the--

MATT: What's the range you can have on that?

LAURA: Yes. It is 30 feet. Within 30 feet of me.

MATT: 20, 25, 30, that would be the furthest you can get it.

LAURA: And then from my bonus action, I'm going to cast Healing Word at a lame-o 1st-level on Nott.

MATT: Okay, what's the range on that?

LAURA: 60 feet.

MATT: Yeah, Nott's within range. And you guys are eye-level now, actually, because you're up on this tall, spire-like rock and Nott's just floating in the air.

SAM: Whee!

LAURA: Okay, so that's eight points of healing.

MATT: That's not bad.

SAM: Thank you.

MATT: That's not bad.

SAM: A rare Healing Word!

MATT: That finishes, Jester?

LAURA: Yeah, that's all I can do.

MATT: Caduceus, you're up.

TALIESIN: (sighs) That thing's hard to hit right now. Okay. Five, 10.

LAURA: 23 doesn't hit!

TALIESIN: I'm now visible again.

MATT: That's right.

TALIESIN: Eeny meeny miney mo.

LAURA: I mean, you can try.

TALIESIN: It's just probably hard to hit.

LAURA: If you roll a natural 20, you'll hit it.

MATT: All righty, then.

TALIESIN: I'm going to get as close to within 30 feet-- I'm going to get within 30 feet to try and get as close as I can to throw something at him before I can back off again.

MATT: Okay, which way do want to go for that?

TALIESIN: Like, directly towards him and then I'm going to, like, scoot back.

MATT: Towards him? So five--

TALIESIN: That's 30 feet. Oh, yeah, we're way--

MATT: Like, right there is 30 feet.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's 30 feet, right?

MATT: Yep.

TALIESIN: Okay, and I'm going to cast... I'm going to do something. I'm going to--

LAURA: Sorry, I was on slow on my turn, Matt.

TALIESIN: I'm going to do use Channel Divinity--

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: -- to do Path to the Grave.

MATT: Path to the Grave, which--

TALIESIN: The next time one of my allies hits the creature with an attack, the creature has vulnerability to all the attack's damage.

MATT: You got it. All right, cool.

TALIESIN: And now I'm backing the fuck off.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Like, kind of behind the trees. Yeah, like, the--

MATT: Over there?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, cool.

TRAVIS: In between you and it?

MATT: That finishes your turn?

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: I'm trying to be a good cleric.

LAURA: I don't want to be a good cleric, I want to hit him.

TALIESIN: That's why I--

MATT: All right, on this turn, it (inhales) inhales as its armor extends once more, gets all of its legendary actions left. (inhales) You watch the armor plates splitting as it begins to inhale and that fume that was spilling out, stops giving out, and then it (roars) unleashes a torrent of it out--

ASHLEY: Bye, bye.

MATT: -- this way.

MARISHA: Am I, like-- Can I [Inaudible] Just out of range?

LAURA: It probably does.

MATT: See here, I'll say, because it's at [inaudible] here.

TALIESIN: You do get to add a d4 to your save, though.

LIAM: Everybody freeze.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: ♪ Everybody freeze! ♪

TALIESIN: Maybe poison.

MATT: It's pretty tight there, let me see.

MARISHA: [Inaudible] Go from there.

TRAVIS: Punk.

MATT: That's pretty close.

SAM: I'll take it. It's fine! It's fun! It's a game.

MATT: It's pretty close. Ah!

LIAM: It's out! It ain't within!

SAM: It's fine!

MATT: I feel like if the tip is there--

SAM: Give me the damage, it's fine!

LAURA: It's over the square.

LIAM: Okay, okay.

MATT: That's just on the edge, I need Nott, Beauregard, and Yasha to roll constitution saving throws for me, please.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay, okay.

SAM: With a plus four?

TALIESIN: Yeah, you and Beau got plus four.

SAM: I'm fine, guys.

ASHLEY: Natural 20.

MATT: Nice!

LAURA: Yay!

MARISHA: Natural one.

ALL: Ooh.

TALIESIN: With your d4?

SAM: 23.

MARISHA: If it's poison. Is it poison?

MATT: It's not poison.

LIAM: No, it's stone, man.

MATT: You are restrained, Beauregard. You find your body suddenly beginning to lock up in places--

LAURA: Oh no, oh no. We're going to be paralyzed.

MATT: Your skin turning slightly gray on the edges of your elbows and--

LIAM: And it's directly in front of her and can smash her.

LAURA: Oh no, oh no!

TALIESIN: Paralysis takes a minute to fully kick in, though, right, or?

MATT: You don't know.

TALIESIN: I don't know. Okay.

LAURA: Oh no!

MARISHA: Restrained.

MATT: You are restrained at the moment.

SAM: She's restrained. Do we see a physical change in her body?

LAURA: She turning gray!

SAM: She's turned gray.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Okay.

MARISHA: You hear me start going: Fuck, fuck!

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: And with that... he's going to go ahead and--

TRAVIS: Well, that changes stuff.

MARISHA: Fucking-- god--

TALIESIN: (whispers) Thank you.

TRAVIS: You're not gray yet, though.

MARISHA: No.

MATT: And rush up towards Caleb. You do get an attack of opportunity against it. But with disadvantage, because you are restrained

TALIESIN: But with a d4.

MARISHA: Huh, but what?

MATT: With disadvantage, because you are restrained.

LIAM: With a d4. Yeah, roll again, disadvantage.

MARISHA: Okay, come on, come on, 25.

MATT: 25 hits. (cheering) As it tries to rush towards Caleb, you go ahead and sweep out its front leg and it skids into the dirt. Its back legs kicked up for a second and it has to right itself and shake the dust off.

MARISHA: Sentinel!

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: Oh, is that what you were describing?

MATT: Yeah, I was just describing was you tripping it up. So yes, you're right! What's the damage on that?

MARISHA: 10.

TALIESIN: Doubled. 10 doubled.

MATT: That's right, 20 points.

SAM: Why?

TALIESIN: Because I cast a spell that doubled the damage of the next hit. SAM: Cool.

MATT: All righty. It angrily spins back in this direction and glaring at you. (breathes heavily)

MARISHA: I look at my arm that's slowly, like, petrifying and I'm like: Hmm!

MATT: All righty, that finishes its turn. Yasha, you're up. Beau, you're on deck.

ASHLEY: Okay, so I would like to start with... I'm going to unleash a battle cry so that everybody has advantage on your attack rolls and saving throws for this round.

MATT: For this round.

LAURA: Attack rolls and saving throws?!

ASHLEY and MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: Anybody who can hear you?

ASHLEY: Yeah, and within 60 feet, so I think everybody's within 60 feet.

MATT: Yeah, it's everybody, yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay, great. So I would like to go up to him.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: If I can flank with...

MATT: 30, 35.

ASHLEY: Yeah?

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay. And then I would--

TALIESIN: I'm so proud of everybody.

ASHLEY: Any openings I can see, I want to try to get in there.

MATT: Sure, go for it.

ASHLEY: Okay. It's cocked. I'm really sorry, but I get advantage.

MATT: You do.

ASHLEY: Okay. I don't know if this'll hit. Shit! 20 total.

MATT: 20 just hits.

ALL: Ooh!

TALIESIN: Good to know.

LAURA: His thing isn't still in defense mode or whatever?

MATT: No. That lasts until its next turn.

LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: I'm going to roll Savage Attack. So that's seven.

SAM: Reckless. Savage!

ASHLEY: That's a little better.

LAURA: No, not Reckless.

SAM: Berserk!

ASHLEY: 19 points of damage for the first hit.

TRAVIS: Yeah, come on!

MATT: Okay, as the gas expands from its body as soon as you impact, it (sprays) into you and you (coughs) cough it off, but you take six points of poison damage.

ASHLEY: Okay.

SAM: Damn.

TALIESIN: You're fine, you're fine.

SAM: Every time, this is a--

TALIESIN: Tank.

ASHLEY: All right, I'll go again.

LAURA: Brush it off, that's nothing.

MATT: With advantage, don't forget.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay. Yeah, okay, that would be a 22.

MATT: 22 hits, go ahead and roll damage.

ASHLEY: Sorry.

LAURA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Okay, that's six. I'll try again. Okay that was better.

MARISHA: You, evil laughing with croissant is like--

MATT: The best villain.

ASHLEY: 14 points of damage.

MATT: 14, nice. You take 11 points of poison damage from that impact.

ASHLEY: 11 points just from that one, or total?

MATT: Just from that one.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: So with each of these impacts, the poison sprays onto your skin and burns into the flesh and you're like (grunts), having pull back, your eyes are squinting because it's starting to burn your eyes as you pull away. But you managed to take some decent hits at it and you could see, like, big sections of its back are gashed and metal plates are bent in and bleeding that green ooze out of it.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: That finishes your turn?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: Beauregard, you're up. Nott, you're on deck.

MARISHA: Trying to take advantage of the fact that I'm slowly losing feeling of my right arm, I'm just going to, like, right haymaker, right haymaker, and crack into this guy.

MATT: Go for it. With disadvantage.

TALIESIN: With a d4.

MATT: You have disadvantage, but you're technically flanked with Yasha, so it's just a single attack, so both of those are your two attacks.

MARISHA: So both of those are my rolls, which is what I was going for. Natural 20 on the first one.

MATT: Nice!

MARISHA: And I have a d4? This isn't-- I just don't-- Oh, maybe it will. 21.

MATT: That hits.

ASHLEY: Yes!

MARISHA: It makes it, it just makes it. Rolled an eight.

MATT: So the first-- roll damage for the crit.

MARISHA: Okay, okay.

LIAM: Is Beauregard visibly stoning?

MATT: I mean...

SAM: Visibly stoned?

MATT: You don't see anything yet. It's more it's just starting-- she's starting to feel the physicality changing.

TRAVIS: [inaudible]

(laughter)

MARISHA: Do you hear sirens?

TRAVIS: These sunglasses.

MARISHA: No, okay, no, no, that's fine.

MATT: Damage on the first one?

MARISHA: 18.

MATT: 18, nice.

MARISHA: That's good, too. 13.

MATT: 13.

MARISHA: Damage on the second.

MATT: Great. Yasha, you take nine points of poison damage.

MARISHA: Fuck, sorry.

MATT: And five points of poison damage.

MARISHA: Sorry.

MATT: So 14 total.

MARISHA: Are you okay?

MATT: As you're like (impacts).

TALIESIN: She just dropped under 100.

LAURA: Don't tell her secrets!

MARISHA: Flurry of Blows.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: I mean, she's looking fine. Sorry.

ASHLEY: I'm okay, I'm okay.

MARISHA: If she looks fine, then Flurry of Blows.

MATT: A single roll for each of these.

TALIESIN: I have no brain right now.

MARISHA: Pop pop. Still with the d4s, come on. Okay, d4 for the seven. Uh-huh! 21 again, and for this one, I don't think it makes it. 19?

MATT: 19 misses. The third one does hit. MARISHA: But, okay. 10 damage and--

MATT: Yasha, you you take... 12 points of poison damage.

TRAVIS: Oof, rolling a d12.

MARISHA: And Extract Aspects.

MATT: Indeed. As you pummel it, your one hand going into a blade-type strike, slips in its body and your ki connects with its body's life force and that moment you realize as part of its physical interior, it is immune to poison, but it also cannot be frightened, cannot be petrified and cannot be stunned. It is a wall of angry mutated beast.

SAM: You didn't say charmed, though, right?

MATT: No.

SAM: It can be charmed.

MARISHA: Okay, I just yell out: Can't stun this one, which really fucking blows.

MATT: Make constitution saving throw for me.

MARISHA: Ugh!

TALIESIN: With a d4.

MATT: With advantage and a d4. Because everything stacks, everything stacks. Seven players: everything stacks.

MARISHA: Constitution, you said?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: That's good. 18 plus three, 21.

MATT: 21. Yeah, you resist the effect.

LAURA: ♪ Shake it off! ♪

ASHLEY: Yes!

MARISHA: I shake it off completely?

TRAVIS: ♪ Ooh ooh! ♪

LAURA: It's gone?

TRAVIS: You're not restrained.

LIAM: You're not stone.

SAM: Oh wow!

LAURA: Oh shit!

LIAM: You didn't turn into statue.

MARISHA: Okay, okay.

MATT: So you manage to-- your physicality (grunts) shrugs off the effect.

SAM: Wow.

TALIESIN: Damn.

TRAVIS: The gray goes away?

MATT: The gray begins to fade, you shake off the elements of, like, crackled dirt and stone that began to gather. You're fine.

LIAM and TRAVIS: Okay, okay, okay, okay.

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: ♪ Kay, kay, kay, kay-kay, kay. ♪

MARISHA: That's my turn.

TRAVIS and ASHLEY: ♪ Kay, kay, kay, kay-kay. ♪

(laughter)

MARISHA: Was that the Nickelodeon theme?

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Well, because he did it, and I was like: that sounds like Nickelodeon. This is nerves. That's happening today.

TALIESIN: So many nerves.

MATT: All right, end of your turn, it's going to go ahead and use one legendary action.

SAM: Uh-oh.

LAURA: No. Don't.

MATT: To--

TRAVIS: Vertical takeoff.

MATT: Go ahead and Defensive Shift.

LAURA: No!

MATT: Five, 10, 15.

ASHLEY: Do we get to-- wait, we don't get to.

MARISHA: Can do the thing?

TRAVIS, TALIESIN, and MATT: No.

ASHLEY: -- since he did the thing?

MARISHA: Oh right, we can't.

MATT: Yeah, there's no opportunity attacks. He like barrels through and you try and go to swing and it just managed to push out before you even got a chance to swing at it. All righty, that finishes... Beauregard's turn. Nott, you're up. Caleb, you're on deck.

SAM: Okay. While levitating, I will get into the prone position (laughter) to steady my shot.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I love all of this.

LIAM: Feet just going--

MATT: Air swimming.

SAM: Yeah. And I will fire at the bull.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: With a d4.

SAM: With the d4.

ASHLEY: And you have advantage.

SAM: And I have advantage, yeah! 26.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

SAM: Oh shit, it's not next to anything.

MATT: Nope, no sneak attack.

SAM: Think I can hide up here?

MATT: Nah. I'm going to say probably not.

SAM: Shit, all right, so--

LAURA: You had advantage, does that-- that doesn't matter.

SAM: Hmm.

MATT: He wouldn't have had advantage on that.

SAM: Why did I have advantage?

ASHLEY: Because of battle cry.

MATT: Oh! If you had advantage on the attack, I believe it would allow a sneak attack.

SAM: I think it does.

MATT: Pretty sure it does, then.

TALIESIN: Battle cry. Good to remember.

MARISHA: I even have that in my notes!

ASHLEY: Guys, I remembered something!

(cheering)

TALIESIN: Welcome back.

ASHLEY: I'm starting to learn how to play D&D!

MATT: Yeah, no, you got it, you got it. Yeah, whenever you have an attack that has advantage, that's one of the criteria for getting sneak attack.

SAM: Wow, that's fucking great. Thank you, Ashley and Laura. Oh man, that's so much better.

LAURA: Ooh! That's really good.

SAM: Okay. 10, 20, 30.

TALIESIN: Oh, wow!

SAM: Plus six. 36. I'll do Fury of the Small, making it 47.

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: 47 points of damage.

SAM: Points of damage.

MARISHA: Wow.

MATT: The bolt sinks into the top of its head and it like, (grunting) It's angry, it's real pissed.

LAURA: Oh my god.

SAM: Seeing that it's angry, I'll float down five feet closer to it.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And fire again.

MATT: Okay. Float down.

SAM: I don't have advantage on this.

LAURA: Yeah, you do. All attacks.

TALIESIN: This round have advantage.

SAM: I'll see if I get-- no. Okay, so it's more. It's like 29 to hit.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: I don't get sneak attack twice.

MATT: No. You only get it once per turn.

SAM: Oh, this is only eight more points of damage.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: And then I will float back up 15 feet higher.

MATT: (laughs) All right, we'll put you at-- This is about 30 feet.

MARISHA: It's like a platformer.

SAM: Yep.

MATT: There you go.

SAM: Bye bye.

MATT: All right. Finishing Nott's turn, brings us to Caleb. Fjord, you're on deck.

LIAM: Okay. Caleb is not even moving, going math brain and seeing where Caduceus' family are, sees where Beauregard is--

MATT: Actually, at the end of Nott's turn, it's going to go ahead and use--

MARISHA: Calm your shit.

(laughter)

MATT: It's going to use a legendary action to go ahead and Defensive Shift.

LAURA: Fuck your math.

MARISHA: We don't care about family here.

MATT: 15.

LAURA: All of it.

MATT: 20.

LAURA: He runs into that statue?! No!

MARISHA: Wait, what? Wait, did he take out a statue?

SAM: He did.

LAURA: What statue was it?

SAM: Matthew's got statue bits.

LAURA: Statue crumbles?!

SAM: Statue bits, oh no!

TALIESIN: Not cool, dude.

MATT: Bits and pieces.

LAURA: Oh no!

ASHLEY: Matthew!

MATT: As that statue just explodes and pieces and chunks of it land on the battlefield.

LAURA: Sick bastard!

SAM: What a monster!

TRAVIS: Was that your--

MATT: You don't know yet.

TALIESIN: I didn't see.

LAURA: Was that your family?

TRAVIS: Oh, Caduceus!

MARISHA: Wait, was that who were looking at?

TALIESIN: No, no. There are two over there, but I don't know who that was.

MATT: Caleb, it's your turn.

LIAM: Okay, changes things slightly then. So he had an idea, but he's got to alter it. Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, he runs over here.

MATT: 25, 30. Unfortunately, now you're getting enough into the water there where it's starting to lower your speed. So that's as far as you can move there.

LIAM: Okay. All right.

TALIESIN: Can go around the other way and then--

LIAM: Hmm.

SAM: Did you just Baywatch run over there?

MATT: (slow footsteps)

LAURA: Yeah, that's what I was imagining.

SAM: Except a filthy hobo.

LAURA: No, he's got his purple coat on, he's not filthy.

MATT: He washed a long time ago, Nott.

LAURA and ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: He gets dirty a lot.

LIAM: Shit.

MATT: You all do, to be fair.

LIAM: Shit. Okay, I'm going to do it anyway. Pulls out the cat's cradle and just slams it. Is it water where I'm standing?

MATT: You are in water, yes--

LIAM: Balls, Ted. Can't do that, then. I thought I would make it farther. So instead, I got to do something completely different. I'm going to cast, shit, I'm going to cast Slow again.

MATT: Okay, that's a--

LIAM: That's wisdom.

MATT: Wisdom. Oh, 19, plus one, 20.

LIAM: Saves. Okay.

MATT: All right, sorry.

SAM: Goddamn it.

LIAM: That move changed everything.

MATT: Good. (laughs) All right. That finishes your turn?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: All righty. That brings us to Fjord.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm going to--

LAURA: You get advantage.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh. I'm going to run 30 feet back on this diagonal.

SAM: Oh boy.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: If he attacks you.

MATT: 15, 20, 25, 30. That gets you right there. You run past those two statues there. It does get an attack of opportunity on you.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MATT: That's natural 20.

SAM and LAURA: Oh!

TRAVIS: That went as poorly as it could've.

TALIESIN: How close am I?

MATT: You are--

LAURA: Close.

MATT: 35 feet away from it.

TALIESIN: I'm 35 feet away from Fjord?

MATT: Yeah. Yeah, because, five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35.

TALIESIN: Motherfucker, okay, never mind.

MATT: So--

TALIESIN: Sorry.

TRAVIS: That was a gamble and it didn't pay off.

SAM: Nope.

MATT: Sometimes it does. Not today.

TRAVIS: "Not today."

LAURA: What if you'd stayed in the corner?

MARISHA: Not today.

SAM: This is an udder disaster.

TRAVIS: Oh boy.

TALIESIN: Oh! Milked that one.

SAM: "Milked that one"?

MATT: 54 points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Oh, that sounds good.

LAURA: How much?!

TRAVIS: 54.

MATT: You go to run away and it just gores you in the back with its horn. You see Fjord get impaled on it. It swings its head side to side shaking him before he gets thrown off of it. He rolls across the edge, barely getting back to his feet and you can feel the puncture wound in your back bleeding profusely.

LIAM: Should've steered clear.

(groaning)

TRAVIS: Oh, wow! This is really--

MATT: Oh, that hurts. Hurts right here.

TALIESIN: That was good.

TRAVIS: All right. That sucked. I'm going to send all three Eldritch Blasts towards it with advantage.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: That's a 21 to hit?

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: Okay, second one is a... 25.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: Third one is a 20.

MATT: That hits. All three hit.

TRAVIS: 11 points of force damage. That is seven points of force damage. 18 and 12, so--

MATT: Nice.

TRAVIS: 30.

MATT: 30 points of force damage. After getting up, you turn around. (groaning)

TRAVIS: (gun firing)

MATT: Just fan the hammer up towards it.

TRAVIS: Fan the hammer! Pow, pow, pow!

MATT: Yeah, you can see between all the hits it's taking, it's starting to show wear and tear, like, it's hurt and it's not, like, limping, but you guys have done a fair amount of damage to it and it's starting to really show.

SAM: This is good.

MATT: That finishes Fjord's turn. Jester you're up. Caduceus, you're on deck.

LAURA: All right, for my bonus action I'm going to have my duplicate run forward, take a flying leap into the air, do a double flip and land on its back.

SAM: Woo!

LAURA: Like with one hand holding a horn and the other hand going--

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: 30 points of radiant damage to the bull. [inaudible]

MATT: Okay. There you go.

LAURA: And the duplicate Jester--

MARISHA: Does Fjord flex off of your--

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: -- is going to try to cast Inflict Wounds at 5th-level.

MATT: Go for it, roll for an attack.

LAURA: Woof. Thank god it was at advantage. 23.

MATT: 23 hits.

ASHLEY: Yes.

SAM: Yeah, it's not--

LAURA: Moo. Okay, so that is, how many? 7d10.

MATT: Goddamn, you guys!

ASHLEY: Dang!

SAM: Wait, did you say 7d10?

MATT and LAURA: 7d10.

MATT: 5th-level Inflict Wounds.

LIAM and LAURA: (mooing) I'm just going to use the percentile.

ASHLEY: What a good moo-ve.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: There it is. SAM: That was the one.

LAURA: How many is that? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

TRAVIS: I'm bovine proud of you?

LAURA: Nope.

TRAVIS: I'm gon' workshop it.

SAM: No, how about "I'm dairy proud of you"?

MARISHA: Oh!

TRAVIS: Show me up, why don't you.

(laughter)

LAURA: 19, 21, 26.

TRAVIS: That attack was heifer-bull? Nope. Okay. I'll come back. I'll get there.

TALIESIN: Yeah...

LAURA: That was kind of shitty. 28 points.

MATT: 28 points necrotic damage to it, as the illusory Jester strikes down and you watch as a brief burst of black necrotic energy swirls around digs into its body. Suddenly, you see these black smearing tendrils of terrible, tearing arcane energy begin to pull through its body. (groaning) It's angry. This finishes your turn?

LAURA: It does.

MATT: It's going to use its last action. Legendary action to move forward. Which this is your illusion.

LAURA: Yeah, she just stays there like, "Oh no!"

MATT: Yeah, falls off a bit.

LAURA: But she's just floating in the air.

SAM: Near me.

MATT: 15.

SAM: No, another statue!

LAURA: No!

SAM: Aunt Janice!

LAURA: What if you knew that one?

TALIESIN: That's entirely possible.

SAM: We'll never know.

TALIESIN: I watched you run and was like: Well, oh no.

MARISHA: Maybe we can still find their face like Ariel with Prince Eric.

TALIESIN: It doesn't work that--

SAM: Sure, yeah. Yeah.

LAURA: Oh, Eric--

LIAM: And then bring them back to horrific life.

(laughter) (screaming)

MATT: Caduceus, you're up.

LAURA: Why?!

SAM: Why am I just a face?

TALIESIN: Am I within 30 feet of that?

MATT: You are. It's just within 30 feet of you now.

TALIESIN: I'm going to do the same thing I did last time. I'm going to--

MATT: Channel Divinity again?

TALIESIN: Channel Divinity again and then I'm going to pull back behind the tree.

MATT: Over here?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: All righty. There you go. Finishes Caduceus' turn?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. At the end of your turn, it's going to back a bit. (galloping)

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: It moves forward, it smashes the one statue. It looks at you.

TRAVIS: (shouting)

MATT: It's going to rush towards you.

MARISHA: ♪ Moo-ve, bitch! ♪

MARISHA and TRAVIS: ♪ Get out the way! ♪

MATT: That's 21 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits.

MATT: All right. I need you to make a strength saving throw.

TRAVIS: Okay. Not with advantage, right? I don't think so.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Still with advantage because of battle cry.

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Because I haven't gone yet.

TRAVIS: (sighs) Seven.

MATT: You are knocked prone.

TRAVIS: Four and a five.

LAURA and SAM: Oh no.

MATT: That is 28 points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Cool, cool, cool. Here, let me roll a d8. It takes-- Hey! Oh. Six points of radiant damage.

MATT: Six points of radiant damage. As a bonus action, it's going to go ahead and now rear up onto its hind legs.

TRAVIS: Take 24 points for that?

MATT: Yeah, and come down with its hooves on top of you because you are prone, it has advantage on that attack.

SAM: 28.

MATT: Natural 20, at advantage.

TRAVIS: This is going to suck a lot.

TALIESIN: Nope, nope. Can't do anything about that.

MATT: So on the hoof action.

SAM: Oh boy.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's okay.

MATT: Okay, that is... 34 points of bludgeoning damage. As its hooves come down and slam into your chest. You guys see water and wet red earth splatter out as it puts the force of its body down onto Fjord's chest.

TRAVIS: So it knocked me unconscious, but my Relentless Endurance will--

MATT: So you're back to one hit point.

TRAVIS: Shoot me up to one hit point.

MATT: That's true.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: That's true, okay. Oh, and I also get to see if it gets its-- Ooh yeah! It gets its a petrifying breath back, okay.

LAURA: Fuck!

MATT: All righty, that ends its turn. Yasha, you're up. Beau, you're on deck.

ASHLEY: (groans) So far away from him. All right, I'll just take my whole turn. Dash and get behind.

TRAVIS: Let me roll one more. It takes a whopping six points of radiant damage for that last stuff.

MATT: 30 right there, you mean?

ASHLEY: Oh, I guess. I get there?

MATT: You do, but it takes your full action to get there.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay.

MARISHA: Was that 30? Wait, how many?

TRAVIS: Six more points radiant damage.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: Even though it doesn't matter.

MATT: No, it all adds up, man. It's hurt.

ASHLEY: Yeah, you can go more. Yep, that's my turn.

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: It's all I can do.

SAM: You need some throwing stars.

ASHLEY: Actually, can I go a little further to Fjord or no?

MATT: You'd be able to... Let's see, you were right over here. 35, 40. You can't get quite to Fjord.

ASHLEY: So I can't touch him?

MATT: Not yet, no.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: And even then it would take an action to do your thing.

ASHLEY: Yeah, oh, yeah, what am I thinking? Okay, yeah, yeah.

MATT: Okay. Beauregard, you're up. Nott, you're on deck.

MARISHA: All right, I'm going to run and I'm going to Step of the Wind.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: As my bonus to dash.

LAURA: I'm going to 'Tep of the Win'.

MARISHA: Da twees in da win!

SAM: Tee in the win.

MATT: [Inaudible] All right. Where are you going?

MARISHA: I will-- Well, I--

MATT: Wow. The whole table just quoted Nell. In, like, a wave.

ASHLEY: That was really amazing.

MATT: Wow! Okay, you can pretty much go anywhere you want to with Step of the Wind.

MARISHA: Right, because I have 100 feet. Am I able to flank Yasha?

MATT: Unfortunately, that's where Fjord is.

MARISHA: I can't, like, straddle Fjord and, like, fight over his legs?

TRAVIS: Oh god, oh! Just kill me.

(laughter)

MARISHA: You know, I'll stand on his chest. I don't care. Can I do that?

MATT: I will say no, because he's occupying the space.

TRAVIS: My face is in the surf. Are you fucking crazy?

MARISHA: Hmm.

TRAVIS: (frantic gurgling)

MARISHA: You'll be fine! Turn over!

TALIESIN: Oh, you can breathe it anyway.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's true!

LAURA: Oh. You're fine!

MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to... After seeing Jester's duplicate get flown off I'm going to flip forward and I'm going to jump on top of him. I'm going to have a Saddle Ranch moment.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: And I'm going to just start, like, right behind.

MATT: Make an athletics check.

MARISHA: An athle-- not an acroba--

MATT: To see if you can hold on to it as you leap onto its back.

MARISHA: Do I have, like, advantage or anything, no? Natural 20.

(cheering)

MATT: Yes, you do. You run, leap in the air, vaulting off the back of its hindquarters, land onto it, grab on. There's two of these large spines that stick out of the back of its armor, and you just grab one and you're holding this. It's trying to buck you off.

LAURA: I use my reaction to write 10 on a piece of paper. And hold it up on the rocks.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: 10 seconds!

MARISHA: It's a good night at the ranch, you guys. I've had, like, one daiquiri, but not enough to, like, just enough to feel it, and then I--

TRAVIS: Saddle Ranch doesn't normally [inaudible].

MARISHA: -- no, it does not-- and I'm just going to go for, like, right at that plate behind his neck.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: Do I have...?

MATT: You don't have advantage, no, just a single attack.

MARISHA: Okay, do I have a Bless still?

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: Okay. So for this 14--

TALIESIN: But you hit the-- You got the natural 20, right? Or--

MARISHA: That was to hold on. 26.

MATT: To hit?

MARISHA: Yeah. And 28.

MATT: Yeah, 28 to hit. All right, cool. The first hit is how much damage?

MARISHA: Oh, is this going to be bad?

TRAVIS: Yeah, it'll kill me.

LAURA: It's fine, it's fine.

MATT: The first hit is... how much damage It's doubled because Caduceus used that ability on the last.

MARISHA: Damage is doubled?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: (lip popping)

MARISHA: Good night at the Ranch.

TRAVIS: That's what happens in Yosemite.

MARISHA: At 11, it's a bad night at the Ranch.

MATT: 22 points of damage. All right, Fjord, you take eight poison points of damage.

TRAVIS: (dying grunts)

MATT: Roll damage for the next attack.

LAURA: K.O.

MARISHA: I think that is a two. That's eight points of damage.

MATT: Eight points of damage.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Fjord, you take 12 points of poison damage. That's one failed death saving throw.

TRAVIS: I think it's two because I'm unconscious.

MATT: Well, no, it's a critical attack that gives you two death saves.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: So it's just the one. You have your bonus action.

TRAVIS: Good times.

MARISHA: Realizing that my friend is unconscious and drowning--

MATT: Yasha, you also took 12 points--

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: And eight points, so you took a total of 20 points of poison damage.

(laughter)

MARISHA: With a moment of clarity of seeing Fjord just lapping the waves, I'm going to stop and get off the bull and that's my turn.

SAM: Yep, just like a night at the Ranch.

MARISHA: Just like--

(laughter)

SAM: It started so well. Then you realize--

MARISHA: Oh no.

SAM: Your realize your friend died and you get off the bull.

(laughter)

MATT: Which way are you getting off, this way or this way?

MARISHA: That way's good. Yeah, not in the water.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Hey, Caleb!

SAM: You fucked your friend and he had to get off the bull.

MARISHA: Oh shit! Oh fuck!

TALIESIN: Oh no!

MARISHA: My boyfriend was here and everything!

MATT: Okay, that that finishes your turn. At the end of your turn, it's is going to use one of its returning legendary actions.

TRAVIS: You got a healing arrow, right, Nott? Right?

SAM: Sure. Totally.

TRAVIS: A first aid arrow.

MATT: 15, 20.

LIAM: That's bad.

TRAVIS: It's pathetic.

MATT: Nott, you're up. Caleb, you're on you're on deck.

SAM: Oh, great.

LAURA: Oh, oh, no, he's coming for you.

SAM: Do I still have advantage?

TALIESIN: No, advantage is over.

SAM: Damn.

MATT: It's been over since Yasha's turn.

LAURA: Sorry, boo.

SAM: I'll just keep shooting. I'll lower 20 feet and take a shot.

MATT: Are you going to go back up 20 feet?

SAM: No lower. I want to be 20 feet off the ground.

MATT: You got it.

SAM: So that I can get to the ground on a single turn.

MATT: Okay, there you go.

SAM: And I will do a long range shot.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: With an explosive arrow.

MATT: Sure.

SAM: Do I still have Bless?

TALIESIN: You still have Bless.

SAM: Okay, 23 to hit, great. And that'll be 10 plus-- What's the explosive arrow again? Let me look. I only have two of these.

TRAVIS: I was like, "Yeah, jump on! Don't hit it!"

SAM: Where is it? Did I write it down? I'm looking. How much would you have made my explosive bolt add?

MATT: It'll be an additional 2d6 fire damage.

SAM: 2d6. An extra seven points of damage.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Nice. All right, you have your bonus action still.

SAM: Yes, I will use it to shoot, reload, fire, terrible. Natural one, miss. You take a d6 damage.

SAM: Oh, yes.

MATT: I finally damaged you this round, you motherfucker.

(laughs)

SAM: Two points.

MATT: Two point of you-- (arrow misfiring, impacting) "Ah!"

SAM: And I'm floating, like.

MATT: The momentum of the hit gives you, like, you go gyroscoping. (laughter) I love it. All right, Nott's turn's done. Caleb, you're up. Fjord, you're on deck. LIAM: Yeah, okay, so Caleb sees all of this mess here and looks quickly down to the left and sees them, doesn't want to be near them so he's going to slosh out of the water to this. Is that 10 feet of movement to go here?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Okay, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. I'll hide a little bit behind that bush and slap the cat's cradle down into the dry earth here and send Widogast's Web of Fire specifically at that.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: It's a dex save?

LIAM: That is a dex save.

MATT: That is a fail. It's going to use a legendary resistance to succeed.

LIAM: That's a lot of ones. Two, that was two, six, 12, 14, 25, 29.

MATT: 29 points of fire damage reduced by half to 14. So as you come on the ground, you hit the ground with your hands and watch as all of a sudden these multiple piercing, burning fuses of arcane fire (hissing) snake through the red ground before they vanish below. There's a pause before it explodes beneath, like this giant pillar of fire. It lifts off the ground. And lands. (snuffling grunt) And turns in your direction.

SAM: Oh no.

LIAM: And I sort of lower four inches down into the bush.

MATT: Okay, you got it. All righty, that brings us to Fjord's turn. I need you to make a death saving throw, buddy.

SAM: Oh, here we go, no problem.

TRAVIS: All right.

MARISHA: Come on.

TRAVIS: Better than a 10, right?

MARISHA: Yeah, better that a 10. That's all you need.

TRAVIS: 10.

MARISHA: What-- is that?

MATT: I think it's 10 or above, yeah. So that's a success.

MATT: It's nine or lower that you--

LAURA: ♪ Good, good, good. ♪ ♪ Fjord's not dead, dead. ♪

ASHLEY: I am sweating.

LIAM: Yep. Sticky hands.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: All righty.

ASHLEY: How is he still alive?

MATT: At the end of Fjord's turn, it's going to use another legendary action to go ahead and shift forward.

LAURA: No! SAM: Oh no, oh no.

MATT: Right up to there.

SAM: Don't gore my wizard,

MATT: Jester and Caduceus, your turns.

LIAM: ♪ When I gore the wizard ♪

LAURA: Okay. I am going to have my duplicate step forward and cast Toll the Dead, so a giant bell is going to appear over him.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Ring his bell. He's made of metal, so I'm hoping that'll hurt extra extra bad and it's a wisdom save.

MATT: Wisdom save, that's a failure. Roll damage.

LAURA: That's 3d12 because he's already taken some damage. Ooh! 12 plus eight is 20. Plus 11! Holy moly! That's 31 points.

MATT: Not bad, yeah.

TRAVIS: Yo! Toll the Dead?!

LAURA: Yeah, fucking Toll the Dead.

MATT: Good cantrip when it hits, man.

SAM: It's that cowbell.

LAURA: All right, and then I'm going to--

TRAVIS: It's a cantrip?! Fuck!

SAM: More cowbell.

LAURA: At 3rd-level, I'm going-- my person, actual Jester is going to shoot their hand over and look at Fjord and say: Get up, man! And she's going to cast Healing Word.

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: The third time.

SAM: In the whole campaign!

LAURA: That's 3rd-level, so that's 3d4.

SAM: Two tonight! Wow!

LAURA: That was crazy, wasn't it?

SAM: It was.

LAURA: Five-- eight plus five.

SAM: Any is good.

TRAVIS: 13. Five, eight, plus five?

LAURA: No, no, eight plus five.

TRAVIS: 13.

MATT: There you go. All right, finishes Jester's go. Caduceus, you're up.

TALIESIN: Wow, that changed things. So I'm going to start back, heading back up that way a bit.

MATT: Whereabouts?

TALIESIN: Heading in that direction is 30 feet and while I'm rocking I'm going to cast... Blight on this thing about--

MATT: There? Whereabouts?

TALIESIN: Oh no, like, straight towards the bull.

MATT: Cool, right there?

TALIESIN: Yeah, as far as I can get.

MATT: That's about there is as far as you can get.

TALIESIN: And while I'm running, I'm going to cast Blight on the bull.

MATT: On the bull? All right.

TALIESIN: That's a-- What is that, that's a--

SAM: Give it Mad Cow Disease?

TALIESIN: Yep. Constitution saving throw?

MATT: Mm-hmm. That is a 17-- 18.

TALIESIN: Fuck. Okay, so it takes half damage, I think?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: All right, and that's a... How many dice is that one? 8d8.

ASHLEY: 8d8?

MATT: Yeah, Blight's no joke, man.

TRAVIS: Fuck.

TALIESIN: I'll just do this twice. I'll just-- yeah, I'll do it twice, then. Oh my god, that's terrible.

SAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Eight, 10, 13.

LAURA: Oh, that's better.

TALIESIN: 13, 16, 19, 23 points of damage. 23 points of damage halved.

MATT: 23 points of damage halved?

SAM: 11? 12?

MATT: There you go. 11 points of necrotic damage. Parts of the exposed flesh are withering. You see it (groaning) take the impact. It's angry.

SAM: It's still alive?

MATT: (inhales)

SAM: Before it was not angry?

LAURA: No, it's been angry. Oh no.

MATT: All right, that finish your turn?

TALIESIN: That's all I can do, just as long as I moved as far that way as I could, so.

MATT: Okay. All right, since you moved, as it comes right in front of you, Caleb, takes the impact of the Blight, looks back at you, hears Jester shout back at Fjord and Fjord start getting up and (grunts) and turns around.

MARISHA and LAURA: What?!

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: He's that vengeful?

MATT: Well, yeah. He had two targets and one of them went away. It would be more useful for him to go-- (heavy footsteps)

LIAM: Oh, can I get a spell attack of opportunity?

MATT: You do. Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah. I will just his him with another--

MATT: Or, valid point, actually, with that, given the point because I thought you could do that. He will use his last legendary action, at the end of Caduceus' turn to shift out of that space without getting attacks of opportunity.

LIAM: What, I can't trick you with stuff?

MATT: I give you guys leeway all the time and shit like that.

ASHLEY: True, true, true.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: I'll take mine. All right, and so we'll go ahead and move in right in that space where the four-- where the three of you and that statue. (inhale, thump) And unleash a blast.

SAM: Think you got this, Fjord.

TRAVIS: I'll just shove my head in the sand underwater.

MARISHA: Yeah, full ostrich.

MATT: I need Yasha, Beauregard, and Caduceus-- oh sorry, and Fjord to make constitution saving throws, please.

TALIESIN: And Beau has a d4 for this.

MARISHA: You so blessed.

TRAVIS: Constitution saves?

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: 16.

MATT: 16, nice.

ASHLEY: 25.

MATT: Nice.

MARISHA: 12.

MATT: 12, okay. You both succeed, because everyone rolls really fucking high on the things I want to try and do. Beauregard does not. Beauregard is restrained once again.

LAURA: No, Beau.

TRAVIS: Wow.

SAM: Does that cause damage or--

LAURA: It just restrains her.

TALIESIN: She's restrained for now, and then--

MATT: You guys have some fucking luck on your side, I swear to god.

TALIESIN: It doesn't feel like it.

MATT: Some good tactics and some luck. All righty, that brings us to-- Gets those legendary actions back at the end of his turn. Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to attack... Okay, 26.

MATT: 26 hits.

ASHLEY: Okay, first attack. I'm shaking.

LAURA: Kill him!

ASHLEY: Wait, I'm going to roll it again, Savage Attack.

MATT: You can do that.

ASHLEY: 10, that's better. 15, 18. 28 points of damage for the first hit.

MATT: 28, wow, nice!

ASHLEY: Yeah, still good?

MATT: Yeah, it's still standing.

ASHLEY: Okay. Fuck. (stammering) I can't count right now. 21.

MATT: 21 hits.

ASHLEY: Yes! Okay. I'm going to roll again. That's better. Six. (stammering) 14 points of damage.

MATT: 14 point of damage, all right.

ASHLEY: Ugh, he's still going.

MATT: All right. You swing twice across it. You see one of its eyes is starting to close a bit on one side.

ASHLEY: Come on.

LAURA: He's getting rough, he's getting rough.

TALIESIN: Bullshit, man.

MATT: You do take seven points of poison damage and 11 points points damage.

TALIESIN: 18.

MATT: From both of those strikes.

ASHLEY: Oof! (laughs)

LAURA: Ooh!

TRAVIS: (laughs) Ooh!

ASHLEY: Yep. I'm looking rough. All right, end of your turn?

LAURA: Hey, if we're still alive after this, let's go to sleep.

ASHLEY: As a bonus action, I'm going to--

TRAVIS: If we can.

ASHLEY: -- Healing Hands on myself.

MATT: Is it a bonus action or--

ASHLEY: No, it's not. I am lying, I'm not doing that, I'm not doing anything I'm standing there looking at the bull.

MATT: End of your turn, it's going to use a legendary action to do a hoof attack you.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TRAVIS: (like Ashley) Okay!

(laughter)

MATT: 18 to hit, does that hit?

ASHLEY: Yeah. That hits.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: But half damage.

ASHLEY: Yeah. Half damage if it's bludgeoning

MATT: So 20 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to 10 because you're raging.

ASHLEY: 10, yeah.

MATT: All righty. That finishes this turn. Beauregard, you're up. You are restrained, so you cannot move.

MARISHA: Am I within 20 feet of him?

MATT: You are within 20 feet, yeah.

MARISHA: All right, I shouldn't do this. But maybe we'll sleep. I'm going to--

SAM: Attack Fjord.

MARISHA: Punch the waves beneath me as my feet are starting to become fused with the sand and I'm going to use that kinetic energy of the wave to ignite my fists, my lightning gloves.

MATT: Awesome.

MARISHA: And--

MATT: Is it a bonus action to trigger those, or is it a...

MARISHA: It's--

TRAVIS: ♪ Been one week. ♪

MARISHA: "At the start of your turn, you can channel atmospheric electric energy--"

MATT: Okay, cool. So at the start of your turn. You got it. All right, you got it.

MARISHA: "-- to extend my reach for one minute." So that's what I am doing.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

MARISHA: Pop pop.

TRAVIS: Belch.

MARISHA: Natural 20!

(cheering)

MATT: Nice!

MARISHA: Am I still blessed? I don't know if it matters because it's 23, plus-- 27.

MATT: Yeah. Motherfuckers!

MARISHA: Okay.

(laughter)

MARISHA: I think, do I--

MATT: I got to get real creative--

ASHLEY: Carmen Sandiego!

MATT: -- with how you guys [inaudible] in the future.

TRAVIS: No, you don't!

MATT: Yeah, I do. This is--

TALIESIN: This is nerve-wracking.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: This does not feel good and I feel like--

MATT: No, no, I'm learning with each progressive battle.

TRAVIS: My face is in the ocean sand.

MARISHA: First is lightning attack damage. That's good, 12.

MATT: 12, okay.

MARISHA: And, then 11.

LAURA: Isn't one of those doubled?

MATT: The critical was the first one.

MARISHA: Oh yes, so, 18.

MATT: 18 on the first hit. Okay,

MARISHA: And then 11.

MATT: Okay. Okay, so both those impacts, it's still standing.

LAURA: (groaning)

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: We're not going to get a... How Do You Want to Moo This?

TRAVIS: Look at that face.

TRAVIS: How do you go? Do whatever [inaudible].

MARISHA: Flurry of Blows!

(screams)

MATT: You did not think it's poison damage because she's hitting it with lightning damage, technically, right? It is lightning damage?

MARISHA: Yes, it's lightning instead of bludgeoning, which I should've done this whole time if I would've known.

MATT: Well, that's how you figure it out.

MARISHA: Pop pop.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: By the way, I'm sorry, you also disadvantage on these attacks because you are restrained. I forgot about that.

LIAM: 20.

MATT: That 20. What was that first roll? Was a 20 and? So the first roll still hit, this is technically your second hit.

MARISHA: All right, all right.

TRAVIS: Actually, that was the cocked one, so it should be that one. A single roll, all right?

MATT: Well, the first two she rolled were like, was, like, the first to hit, which means I'll count that as--

SAM: Yeah, one hit.

MATT: As one hit.

MARISHA: One hit.

MATT: So what should be first, damage would have been 11, so--

MARISHA: Damage, and then this one would be, you said I'm at disadvantage?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: It's 21 total.

MATT: Hits, so roll damage for the second hit. I almost forgot; restrained puts you at disadvantage with attacks.

TALIESIN: When does she get to roll to break the restraint?

LAURA: At the end of the turn.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MARISHA: 11 again. Wait, six plus seven is 12.

TRAVIS: 13.

LAURA: 13.

MATT: 13.

TALIESIN: We are wrecked.

MATT: All right, and you're going to Flurry of Blows?

MARISHA: Huh?

MATT: Flurry of Blows?

MARISHA: All right, that's the first one. So that's 13 damage.

MATT: No, those were your first two attacks. You have two more attacks with disadvantage.

MARISHA: Okay, sorry, sorry.

MATT: It's okay, it's okay.

MARISHA: The second one. Pop pop. Okay. Hemmy hemmy hemmy heh. 21.

MATT: 21 hits.

MARISHA: I'm just going to do the damage. So I don't get confused-ed. 13 again, seven plus six.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: Good, good.

MATT: And last attack.

TRAVIS: God, jeez!

MARISHA: And then one last attack. Jesus--

SAM: Are these punches lightning--

MARISHA: There're lightning punches. I don't think that's going to make it. 17.

MATT: 17 misses.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Okay, I need you to make a constitution saving throw for me, Beauregard.

TALIESIN: With a d4.

MARISHA: I feel like one would've been--

TRAVIS: Wow, is that cocked?

MATT: No.

TRAVIS: It was a journey.

MARISHA: It doesn't matter, it's a natural one.

TALIESIN: Oh, for fuck's sake.

LAURA: No!

ASHLEY: What happened, what happened?

LAURA: She's petrified?! Are you petrified?! Is she petrified?!

MARISHA: Am I petrified?

TRAVIS: Petrified.

LAURA: No!

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Oh my god, if we become petrified then he breaks us.

MARISHA: He gores us? Then we're deadzos.

TALIESIN: That's the end of it.

MATT: Yep!

LAURA: Don't you 'yep' me, Matthew Mercer!

TRAVIS: (laughs) Oh man. Oh man, shit just got fucking real!

MARISHA: I wonder if I had fucking killed it.

MATT: That finishes Beau's turn. It's going to use...

MARISHA: If I had not missed.

MATT: It's going to use another legendary action to move back.

LAURA: Moo-ve back.

MARISHA: Bitch, I'm a cow. Bitch, I'm a cow.

MATT: To get about, we'll say there, starting to gauge its--

LAURA: Does he realize that Jester duplicate is an illusion?

MATT: I don't know.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: We'll see.

LIAM: Yes, you do.

MATT: All righty. At the end of that, it comes to Nott's turn.

MARISHA: That was such a journey.

SAM: It says, with Levitate, "If you are-- you can change the target's altitude by up to 20 feet. If you are the target you can move up or down as part of your move."

MATT: Correct.

SAM: Does that mean it's my movement to--

MATT: Yeah, it's your speed. So you can go 20 feet down, 20 feet up.

SAM: Hmm.

MATT: It's not Fly. You can't, like, move.

SAM: No, no, no.

TRAVIS: Your moo-vement.

SAM: How far away from Beauregard?

MATT: From Beauregard, you are about 40-45 feet.

TRAVIS: Son of a fuck.

SAM: And how far is Mage Hand? Shit. Well, she's not going to die this round.

TALIESIN: (uncertain noises)

LAURA: (uncertain stammering) It's only a few moves before I can go and I can help her, but if he uses his legendary actions--

TALIESIN: I was also going to say: Can you more far enough to Greater Restoration?

LAURA: ♪ Bitch, I got a duplicate ♪ ♪ She can move really fucking far ♪

TALIESIN: Fair.

LAURA: No, she can't.

SAM: Okay, is it engaged with anyone? No.

TALIESIN: I was going to say: I don't know this shit.

SAM: It's not engaged with anyone. I wouldn't get advantage, right?

MATT: No, it is not.

LIAM: Can't see a ring.

LAURA: Fucking shit.

SAM: This is tricky. Tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky. ♪ Ba da bup, ba da bup, ba da bup. ♪

TRAVIS: What is-- this is a puzzle.

SAM: I got to get over there, but I don't think I can make it in time to really help. But maybe it'll be dead before.

LAURA: Kill it, just try to kill it.

MARISHA: It's got to be close.

SAM: All right, let me shoot it. I'll just shoot it.

MATT: It's really hurt.

MARISHA: Got to be close. I'm so mad I didn't get that last hit.

SAM: Okay, I'll just shoot it once.

TALIESIN: Add the d4.

SAM: With a d4. That's 23 to hit.

MATT: 23 hits.

SAM: It's just a single thing.

ASHLEY: Come on, come on. Eight points of damage.

MATT: Eight points of damage. All righty.

SAM: (whispered) Not enough.

LAURA: Do it again, do it again.

SAM: (whispered) Not enough. All right, I'll shoot again.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I guess.

MARISHA: Hit it. Kill it.

SAM: Yeah, so that'll hit with 25.

MATT: 25 hits, roll damage.

SAM: Nine points of damage.

MATT: Nine points of damage, all right.

LAURA: (groaning)

MATT: You guys are rolling continuously high tonight, to a point where it's spooky and frustrating for me.

TALIESIN: (groaning)

MATT: It's good to know.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm glad it's just a one side of the table thing. We feel totally calm.

(laughter)

SAM: And I guess I will...shit.

LAURA: You're going to shit?

ASHLEY: Guess I will shit.

MATT: Make a--

LIAM: (thuds)

MARISHA: Ah!

MATT: (thuds)

LIAM: And it falls over dead.

TRAVIS: That's pretty good.

LIAM: (mooing)

SAM: If I just dropped Levitation, I'd fall 20 feet.

MATT: You would, yes.

SAM: And probably be prone?

MATT: Unless you managed to catch yourself.

SAM: But, like, could I drop it and also run my movement?

MATT: It's possible.

TRAVIS: But if you are knocked prone, it's half your movement.

SAM: Yeah, and I would take some damage.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: That's 20 feet drop. Well, let's try it, I'm going to drop.

MATT: Okay, roll an acrobatics check.

TALIESIN: With a d4.

LIAM: You're ridiculously high.

TALIESIN: Is it-- No, actually, no. Never mind, no d4.

SAM: 14 plus--

LAURA: Acrobatics.

SAM: Oh yeah, 23.

MATT: 23? Yeah, you're fine. You still take damage as you fall. You take nine points of bludgeoning damage as the body just cracks into you as you land--

LAURA: You must have landed on a rock under the sand.

MATT: Right on the kneecap, you're like, "Ugh!"

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: And then I will use my movement to run around the bull--

LAURA: It does extra damage because you're expecting sand, you know.

MATT: 30, 35. 35 is your movement, yes?

SAM: 35, yeah.

MATT: All right. That's it.

SAM: That's it.

MATT: That brings us-- at the end of your turn, it's going to use its final legendary action to go ahead and-- Yeah, it fucking hates this cleric shit.

TALIESIN: I did it once.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: I hate Bless.

TALIESIN: I know.

MATT: It's such bullshit. Two clerics in the party; it's such bullshit. All right, Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: Okay, I go scrabbling up that little mound there trying to get its attention shouting: You! Cow! Arschloch! And I will slap the cat's cradle down. No, I'll go to the top.

MATT: Oh, to the very top over here?

LIAM: Yeah. And I will slap the cat's cradle down on the stone and send it again towards the one single target down in front of me.

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: At 5th-level.

MARISHA: Kill it.

MATT: It's going to take its third legendary save to succeed.

LIAM: 33.

MATT: 33. Take it to six--

LIAM: No, need more. Eight. Plus 10, what did I say?

TRAVIS: 43 total.

LIAM: Plus that 10?

TRAVIS: Plus 10, yeah.

LIAM: And I did a 5th-level, so 48 total.

MATT: 48 total.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: How do you want to do this?

(cheering)

TALIESIN: Oh, thank god.

LIAM: I will send the fire burning down the stone into the earth again and let it gather and hold and hold my hands down, and then rip the hands up and then, (flames whooshing) from underneath.

SAM: Flame broiled!

LIAM: Burn up into the hole that the Disintegrate left and then scorch inside and burn it from within.

MATT: Your watch as it burns up in the inside. (grunting) The middle of its torso is incinerated in a circular pillar as it bursts through the top the middle armor plates (creaking) bending backward and heated orange. The earth and the sand that gets shot up as part of this explosion (whooshing) suddenly solidifies into points of glass from the extreme heat and it's caught in midair, dead, pierced by all these shards of immediately solidified glass from the blast.

LIAM: That's how you make a statue.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: And a steak.

SAM: Well done!

TRAVIS: What happens to the piles of petrification?

LAURA: I am immediately going to leap off the rock into the water and run towards Beau.

SAM: As am I.

TALIESIN: I'm-- is this dead?

MATT: It is very dead.

TALIESIN: I'm running immediately to my family members.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: The two I see.

MATT: All right, you rush on over towards... You see over on that side. What looks to be... Constance-- or actually, no, with those right there. Dragging it over there would be... Calliope and Cornelius, Cornelius dragging Calliope.

TALIESIN: Okay, immediate Greater Restoration on both of them.

MATT: On both of them?

TALIESIN: Yep. Burning burning my 5th and 6th.

MATT: Okay. What do you guys doing?

LAURA: Think Nott and I get to Beau around the same time. Right as I'm about to cast Greater Restoration.

SAM: I whip out my oil, my-- what is it called? It's called something.

LAURA: (panicked) Beau, Beau!

SAM: I got it, I got it--

LAURA: What is it you have?

SAM: I bought this shit! It's called willowshade oil, and it un-petrifies people.

LAURA: Well then, fucking do it!

SAM: What part of our body should I rub it on?

LAURA: Her tattoo, do it on her tattoo because it's special.

SAM: Okay, so I'll go around her back and I just sort of give her a little neck massage with some oil and see if it starts to work.

MATT: Okay. As you apply the oil, because is has been within one minute of the petrification, slowly the gray, hardened shape of Beauregard's stone form begins to relax into your hands and begin to warm until eventually, Beauregard begins to return to her normal state.

SAM: Oof, you got a little knot here.

LAURA and SAM: On your back.

(laughter)

MATT: As you finish casting Greater Restoration, you can see Cornelius dragging, first, Calliope backward. Before you cast it on her. He's like, "Come on. I have to-- What?"

TALIESIN: One moment.

MATT: "Caduceus, what?"

TALIESIN: I'll explain.

MATT: As you touch Calliope, slowly she begins to return back to her normal self, her arm and mid-swing with a heavy mace and she just goes, "Son of a!" Falls on the ground as Cornelius drops her. Calliope looks up to you and goes, "Caduceus?"

TALIESIN: It's been so long.

LAURA: Caduceus, are there any other family members here?

MATT: Calliope stands up. (pained grunt)

TALIESIN: I don't know.

LAURA: I'm going to run around look for anybody that looks like Caduceus.

MATT: Okay, there's the scattering of people.

SAM: How's Fjord?

ASHLEY: I'm going to run over to Fjord, help him out of the water and touch him and cast Healing Hands.

LAURA: Touch him where?

ASHLEY: Just his hands.

ASHLEY: Just pull him up out of the water.

LAURA: Cool.

ASHLEY: Not my thing.

(laughter)

SAM: Grab him by the dick.

ASHLEY: 11 points of healing.

TRAVIS: 11? Great. I'll take it. Thank you.

LIAM: Caleb is going to walk up to the cow and start to examine it, understand what it is, maybe.

MATT: Okay. Make an arcana or history check. Your choice.

LIAM: That is a 19.

MATT: A 19?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. Looking at the way it's... like you acknowledge that this is a form of a gorgon, which is a type of terrible entity, a monstrosity that has had uses throughout the ages as trained guardians of vaults of mages been known to be-- some holy sites have... some systems of belief would have one of these creatures possibly that are protected and they're also been weaponized in the past. But this one's heavily twisted, mutated in ways that remind you of tales of wide corruption that was once utilized by agents of Xhorhas back during the calamity to the far east. Nature's denizens were usually found and twisted to assail their homelands and spread destruction and used as implements of war on the front lines in those age old times.

LIAM: Does it look like there's anything salvageable or of use on this creature's--?

MATT: Not with the way you killed it.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Yeah. Disintegrate.

MATT: But you do notice, the front of its face resembles a classic bull-like head, but it's a bit swollen at the front, and as opposed to a normal jaw, its mouth opens up into two parts of this big scoop shovel and there's no teeth.

LAURA: Ew, weird. He eats plankton!

LIAM: Just sucks down krill.

MATT: Cornelius goes, "How did you get here? What happened? I see you managed to deal with that thing right over there. Thank you for that. I assume these are your friends. Hi, I'm Cornelius, I'm Caduceus' father," and you see this large, older firbolg, similar in appearance to Caduceus, this though bit thicker, a bit portlier, gray hair, braided in two sides down the front. Dangling these little tufts at the bottom that have a bit of jewelry. (as Cornelius) "This is Calliope, Caduceus' younger sister." And you see she's wearing a similar chest plate to Caduceus', actually. The same coloration and design and it's funny, of the two of them which look very much what you assume, Caduceus' appearance being what it is, his father a little more cartoony variation of that. Calliope looks stoic and badass. She looks up the rest of you, holding her mace at her side. (as Calliope) "It's a pleasure to meet you. Caduceus, thank you."

TALIESIN: You were both gone a very long time. I waited and... no one returned. And I know I wasn't supposed to leave, but I left. Is anybody else here?

MATT: (as Cornelius) "I mean... I think I-- somewhere around here I saw your mother," and he looks over and you can see, just beyond the tree, one of the standing bodies is indeed Constance.

LAURA: Oh, good. Am I near Constance?

MATT: Right there.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm going to run over to her and cast Greater Restoration.

MATT: Okay. As she, in the middle of her mid-battle form, like-- " (grunts) "Whoa, what?"

LAURA: Don't worry, you're safe.

MATT: Just drops her weapon and runs towards Caduceus, gives a huge hug and picks him up a little bit. She has, like-- it's short on the sides and then has a soft mohawk that braids into a single long braid down the back. She's wearing these gray travel robes, just a little bit of leather armor underneath. She's picks up-- "I'm so happy to see you."

TALIESIN: I was so worried. That thing. Where's Corrin?

MATT: "I came here with Corrin." She turns back and looks in the direction of the--

MARISHA: Bull.

MATT: -- shattered statue that was right at her side.

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: You see she takes a couple steps forward. Takes a couple more steps forward. Leans down, picks up one piece that looks like the shoulders and head of the statue, chipped and broken itself, its face recoiling in surprise. Also a firbolg.

LAURA: How small are the pieces?

MATT: I mean, there are probably six or seven larger pieces and a few dozen smaller elements that have been scattered a bit. It wasn't enough impact to pulverize. It just nudged and broken as it went through it wasn't at a full run, thankfully, but it's a lot of pieces--

LAURA: If it's not totally awkward. I'm going to try to get the pieces together and try to reassemble the body as best I can.

MATT: Okay, as you reach and start doing this, you can see Constance is just holding the head, aghast. You feel, Caduceus, your father's hand come onto your shoulder and in that focused-- or that that unfocused state of your mother, Jester begins to sift through and suddenly her eyes catch yours, and she gets down and starts trying to help--

ASHLEY: I go over and I help as well.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and make an investigation check, Jester.

SAM: I'm going to go help.

MATT: Okay. Do it with advantage, yes.

LAURA: With advantage.

MATT: Because Nott is helping.

LAURA: Okay. Okay, okay. 19?

MATT: 19, okay. You pull together what you think is the majority of the stone body. It's too hard to tell at this moment.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: I'm scanning for any anybody else. I'm not really moving yet. I'm just looking to see if I see--

MATT: Make a perception check.

TALIESIN: I'm going to Bless myself, which I don't normally do for this, but I am in that space. Maybe I can do one piece at a time. I don't think it'll work.

TALIESIN: 26.

MATT: 26. You do not see any other firbolgs in the vicinity of where you're standing. You do see out of some of the individuals here-- and a lot of them, at a glance, their arms are broken off. Some of them are have already taken a lot of hits over time, whether it be by this creature or just wear and tear for how long they've been in this open space and nature is taking its toll on their stone forms. You do see some figures, one nearby that is a an elf that is dressed in a very... pious robes and carries a symbol of Avandra around their neck, hand reaching forward like a, "Stop, don't" expression locked in stone. But nobody of your family.

TALIESIN: So Constance and Cornelius are fine and Calliope's fine.

MATT: Calliope's fine. Corrin's been broken. You have not found Clarabelle or Colton.

TALIESIN: No Colton, no Clarabelle.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: Just broken Corrin. Okay. I have a brother and sister still somewhere here.

SAM: Here?

TALIESIN: Maybe

ASHLEY: Is Corrin a sister?

TALIESIN: Corrin's my aunt.

MARISHA: I start looking at the ones pulverized near me.

TRAVIS: I'll come check all of these.

MATT: Okay, you got it. Looking at all the bodies, some of them look to be travelers, they're dressed for a long journey. They all appear to be in the midst of either running, defending themselves or absolute abject terror. You see some that are dragonborn, you see some that are dwarven. It's a diverse array here, whether they be pilgrims or adventurers or members of the actual circle here in the cave that you were walking towards. You can't tell right now because they're all made of stone.

TRAVIS: And the cave is that direction?

MATT: Further this direction, yes.

LAURA: Would it be possible-- I'm going to try using Mending on each individual piece together.

MATT: You have the Mending cantrip?

LAURA: Yes. It's as long as the break or tear's no longer than one foot in any way, but if I'm going one piece at a time, using Mending, I don't know if that's going to make a difference.

SAM: It's going to be a lot of casting.

LAURA: A lot of casting it's going to take a long time because it takes a minute each time.

LIAM: And maybe there is a chunk of glue just for that--

LAURA: Exactly--

LIAM: -- one piece.

LAURA: Yeah, the smaller pieces maybe try Mending on it, and then we also have a glue that covers a square foot.

MATT: You do.

LAURA: That we can try to combine--

MATT: You can certainly try. I will say with the pieces you found, go ahead and make a medicine check to try and understand where they might land within its body. This is an understanding of the physical body.

LIAM: Caleb pulls out the pearl and places it on Jester's head and mutters for a while and little patterns--

TALIESIN: Tap you as I walk by because I'm going to go to the other broken statue.

MARISHA: And I'm there sorting the broken statue with Caduceus.

LAURA: Guidance, okay.

TALIESIN: I'm going to just...

LIAM: You have one re-roll if you need it.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: Re-roll it.

LAURA: Re-roll it.

TALIESIN: I'm just going to grab Calliope and walk to the other statue.

LAURA: That is a-- ooh, and a d4. Oh, good! Okay, so that's 29.

MATT: Jesus Christ, you guys are level 11?

(laughter)

TALIESIN: We had some bad luck.

TRAVIS: We've had some good rolls and then some shit rolls.

MATT: Yeah, I know, I know, I know. All right, okay. You take a moment to inspect all the pieces of the body and quickly begin to assemble and jigsaw them where they fit both--

LAURA: I spent a lot of time with puzzles.

MATT: This is very-- apparently, yes, you have. Well, not just that, but studying physiology in the presence of where your mother's work office was.

TALIESIN: One of those 3-D jigsaws of the human body.

MATT: There you go.

SAM: You're doing a puzzle at the beach? (laughter)

MATT: Technically--

TALIESIN: Best vacation ever! Please don't break my aunt.

MATT: You cast Mending as best as you can across the pieces, once they're situated in there and they all fit together. The impact across the chest to side and the waist there there's a a triangular crack where it hit the impact initially is longer than a foot.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So those parts are not Mended.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So you can fit it together and most of it can clear, but there is still a large rift here and a large rift here.

LAURA: What if we combine the glue with the Mending? What if we put some glue and Mend it to where the glue keeps it together fully and then I Mend it? In, like, as much as I can--

MATT: This wouldn't be a Mending thing. This would be hoping the glue is enough to do it for you.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: This is the which glue-- this is the--?

SAM: I mean, that's the other thing. Not to be cheap with your dead relatives or anything, but this glue is, like, the most powerful glue in existence. So if we could maybe get some regular glue later and try--

TALIESIN: I'm so glad I'm not listening to you right now.

MATT: (laughs)

LIAM: I could save your work for now. And we could take them out of here and wait till we have everything perfect rather than risk it.

MARISHA: Going to shove them in the haversack? Is that what we are doing?

LIAM: No, no, no, no, no. Caleb starts placing pieces of amber in a circle on the ground and begins to ritually cast Widogast's Vault of Amber with the statue. I don't have to finish this, but I can and they will be safe.

TALIESIN: I'm okay.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: That's-- yeah, we--

LAURA: Constance, is that all right?

MATT: "I mean, whatever you think is best." Her eyes are still wide, she's still swallowing hard, but she's holding strong.

TALIESIN: Tap. Dad, go talk to Mom.

MATT: "Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right."

TALIESIN: I'm going to grab Calliope and head over to the other broken one.

MATT: Okay. You head to the other broken piece in the ground, you look through it and this one looks to be a maybe mid-20's or so dragonborn. You have no idea the scale coloration, as it is still stone. They are dressed simply, normal travelers' clothes, a heavy cloak and a sack, and they are broken into many pieces.

TALIESIN: I'm just going to try and gather them up a bit.

MARISHA: I'm helping. You know this person?

TALIESIN: No.

MARISHA: Oh.

TALIESIN: Can't even plant them.

MARISHA: No, but do you want to, like, keep gathering them? I don't know. Should we--?

TALIESIN: Let's (sighs), let's take everybody who's injured to the cave and whoever's feeling strong do a walk around and see who else is here. Calliope, just let's make sure Mom and Dad go to the cave with Fjord.

TRAVIS: Just because we're here and there's so many different petrified creatures I'm going to walk into the water until my head goes under the surface and look.

MATT: For?

TRAVIS: I'm going to look and see if there are any other petrified statue things within view.

MATT: Okay, make a perception check.

TRAVIS: Underwater. 10.

MATT: 10? It's hard to tell. It's clear water. I will say, you do see a hand sticking up out of the soot maybe five feet ahead of you.

TRAVIS: Out of the soot?

MATT: Yeah. A stone hand doing that.

TRAVIS: I'll walk over to it. Can I try and clear the soot or the silt around the hand?

MATT: Yeah, as you clear it away, the arm goes (boomf) as you realize it's just an arm.

TRAVIS: That's unfortunate.

LAURA: Wait, what?

TALIESIN: What? Oh.

TRAVIS: I just found a piece of an arm underneath the water.

TALIESIN: Bring it up, if you wouldn't mind.

TRAVIS: (gurgles) No problem. And I'll grab it.

SAM: Okay, so I feel a little guilty. So Caleb can you give us the pieces back, please? I'm going to try this glue.

TALIESIN: Let's wait, we'll wait, we'll wait.

LAURA: Are you sure?

LIAM: I also have an idea if we can get to Umagorn or--

MATT: Uthodurn, you mean?

LIAM: Uth, his son, what was his son's name? Who reforged the sword for us.

MATT: Oh, gotcha. I'm sorry, yes.

LIAM: Did I get his name wrong?

MATT: No, I think you may have gotten it right. I misunderstood.

SAM: To do what?

LAURA: For what?

LIAM: If we can pour carefully, which is why I suggest him because he is so skilled, the correct amount of molten silver into the cracks, I can turn them to stone.

SAM: She could pour paint into the cracks and turn it into stone.

LIAM: I can not turn paint to stone.

SAM: She can turn paint to stone.

LIAM: Can you paint in stone?

LAURA: Of course I can paint stone-- hmm. The only thing is is I can't paint things connected to each other, so...

SAM: I could connect them with glue I think I can just use some glue.

TALIESIN: Don't make any decisions till we get back and I'm going to just start walking with Calliope and anyone else who cares to join.

ASHLEY: I'll follow behind, but give them their space.

LAURA: I can do another Greater Restoration if you find somebody.

MATT: At which point, Cornelius goes, "We were-- I was talking with Eremis, one of the keepers here of the circle. Oh no," and points over and you can see that elf that you noticed earlier with the Avandra symbol. "I mean, they're probably pretty helpful."

LAURA: Okay, I'll go over to that person.

MATT: Okay. Cornelius walks up next to you and goes like, "Aw, buddy, I'm so sorry." Pat, pat, pat.

LAURA: Pat, pat, pat, Greater Restoration on the head.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: Wake up now!

MATT: You watch as the elf slowly... "(gasps) Oh. Oh, that's strange. What is-- oh no!" and looks around at the array. "This has gotten worse."

TRAVIS: I found a hand. Oh, hello.

MATT: "Hello."

TALIESIN: You must be Stone.

MATT: "I'm Eremis Stone, yes. I assume you belong to Clay family?"

LAURA: (laughs) That's just really funny.

TALIESIN: Caduceus Clay, at your service.

MATT: "Glad it seems more of you have made it. Ooh, this is a big mess." Looks over at the creature now suspended in the shards of glass, like, reddish dark glass, spire piercing out of the ground and holding it aloft just bleeding slowly onto the. "Oh, well, that is good news. "That is great news. Did you do this?"

LIAM: Group effort.

TRAVIS: Yes.

LAURA: But he did the glass part.

MATT: "That's impressive, truly."

TRAVIS: What is it?

MATT: "It appears to be some kind of gorgon. I have my theories, but I have a few friends I need to ask questions of. They're back in the cave, if you'd come with me."

TRAVIS: Are you're sure they're in the cave?

LIAM: What year is it?

MATT: "Um. 826?"

LAURA: How far away is that from our year?

SAM: That's 10 years ago.

MATT: 10 years ago.

LAURA: Woof!

LIAM: They might not be in the cave. A bit of time has passed since then.

LAURA: 200 years.

(laughter)

MATT: Make a deception check.

(laughter)

LAURA: 17.

MATT: "(panicked) Uh!"

TRAVIS: Jester.

TALIESIN: Don't, don't. 10, 10ish.

LAURA: See, it's not as bad now, isn't it? Because you thought--

SAM: She made you feel better!

(laughter)

MATT: "Thank you."

LAURA: You're welcome.

TALIESIN: Let's-- okay. I'll hold, and let's go to the cave.

TRAVIS: There are a few more out here.

MARISHA: You don't want to check the rest?

TRAVIS: Do you need to see if any of your compatriots are amongst them?

MARISHA: We check the rest.

MATT: All right, and as you guys begin to look through, you can see Eremis begins to go to a few faces be like, "Don't know them. Don't know them, don't know them. Oh, goodness me," and then recognizes somebody and goes up and grabs someone's face goes, "This is Darrah." You see this really older human woman maybe in her 70s or so. Adorned similarly to Eremis and also finds what looks to be another large dragonborn figure that is wearing a heavy piece of armor and is currently with the shield in the front trying to pull back. He goes, "Ah, this is Mecatoth."

LAURA: Megatoth!

TALIESIN: Are they also of the Stone?

MATT: "They are, yes. I don't suppose what you've helped us with you could help them with as well?"

LAURA: I can once I sleep.

TALIESIN: Not today, but--

MATT: "All right."

LAURA: (darkly) Not today.

MATT: "Well, um--"

SAM: (whispered) Not today.

LAURA: What about all the other people that are here that you don't know? We should probably heal them, too. They have lives.

MATT: "I agree. Look, I-- I think Gaima should be able to help. Hopefully, they're back in the cave. We can go ahead and talk to him."

TALIESIN: Do we see any of my other, on the short run around the lake, do we see any other family members?

MATT: As you continue to walk, you do not see any of your family along the way.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's fine.

MARISHA: I take the dragonborn head from over here that I've been holding around and just, like, chuck it in the ocean.

MATT: (splashes)

TRAVIS: What was that? What'd you throw?

MARISHA: (noncommittal mumbling) Rock.

TRAVIS: Oh.

(laughter)

MATT: Eventually, you guys crest around the north side of the oasis. (laughter) Making your way towards where the softer red earth turns into hardened red rock. The grass and thick vines that have grown over the top of it as it pierces outward like a shelf over water, and beneath it, that the opening into the cavern that goes goes darkly into Exandria below.

TRAVIS: Oh god.

MATT: You step into the cold cavern, as it continues downward. At the outer edge of the pool, you can see the bright red rock on the inside become smooth, hand-chiseled, as you progress downward. Further in, as your eyes adjust, you pick up dozens of shifting beautiful reflections as rich, exposed veins of pure gold, wind through the walls and reflect the torch light that you see Eremis now lighting and holding out to guide you as you head downward. Along with another statue, and another statue. Continuing further down, you see the pattern of these veins are, like, this endless splintering lightning bolt of shining dawn that just carved through the rock on all sides and above. It's beautiful. Contrasted with the horror of seeing more and more of visitors or the Stone family themselves, encased in these moments of terror.

LAURA: So we took this guy out, and nobody else could. That's pretty impressive, you guys.

TRAVIS: That's pretty good. (coughs)

SAM: Oh.

LIAM: We work well together.

SAM: You okay there, Fjord Stone? You're okay?

TRAVIS: Yep. Doing all right.

LAURA: We need to take a rest. Fjord is looking really rough.

MATT: The hall widens now into a domed, oval-shaped cavern of ruddy rock formations splattered with the same gold veins. Numerous small huts and structures of humble stone and dried thatch mark the perimeter of the inside of this cave. The center of the large base is home to a formidable, multi-part shrine of rising pillars, arches and beautiful temple structures that house the Stone family and the interior of the Cave of Remembrance. You can see social spaces for worship and work and you can see the many denizens, all frozen in stone. And that's where we'll take our break.

(groaning)

TRAVIS: Shit.

LAURA: The gorgon just ran in and--

TRAVIS: One bull!

LAURA: -- ran around, or do you think something else did it?

TALIESIN: Well, we'll see, but I have a theory and my theory is this was a burial that went wrong. But we'll see.

TRAVIS: A burial that went wrong?

TALIESIN: Maybe a burial that went wrong.

LAURA: They are stone.

LIAM: But they're mostly regular folk, probably, so, you know, can't handle a big magic bull.

TALIESIN: Just a theory.

MARISHA: That's a lot for one bull.

MATT: It was over a period of time, too.

LAURA: That's true.

TRAVIS: 10 fucking years.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Ooh! That'll getcha! That's some Flight of the Navigator shit right there.

MATT: A lot of pilgrims coming in and realizing too late.

TRAVIS: No?

SAM: I love that movie.

MATT: Compliance. (laughter) We'll back here shortly, we'll pick up the latter half of this session here, guys. In the meantime, we do have our Wyrmwood giveaway for tonight. The cherry dice vault from our friends at Wyrmwood.

TRAVIS: It's so lovely.

MATT: It smells so nice. It looks nice.

LAURA: It's beautiful.

MATT: It is. One lucky winner in the chat will win this piece. Tonight's keyword is Oasis.

TRAVIS: Oasis.

MATT: O-A-S-I-S. Put it into the chat room once and only once. More than once will be disqualified and once again, giveaway rules for people in the US and Canada only, excluding Quebec. Because of stupid laws and we'll be back here shortly. We'll see you guys a little bit.

(cheering)

Break
(upbeat music) ♪ You got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ 'cause you're so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click open the webpage ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you're ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In that mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It's D&D (D&D) ♪ ♪ Yeah! D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D (D&D) ♪ ♪ Yeah! D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you've got your swords ♪ ♪ And you've got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It's D&D (D&D) ♪ ♪ D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ (upbeat music) OFF-CAMERA: Action. PRESENTER: Oh, hello. (upbeat music) Two Point Hospital's coming to console. Build your breathtaking hospital. Cure unusual illnesses. What happened to that guy? Improve your hospitals with research, new machines, and by hiring great staff. Oh, and try not to kill anyone. (groans) (ocean waves gently crashing) (electronic binging) LIAM: We're talking about ghosts today, ladies and gentlemen. SAM: We are talking about ghosts. Ghost. BRIDGET: Ghost. LIAM: Otherwordly. Ghost. SAM: Ghost. Ghost. Ghost. LIAM: Ghost. SAM: Ghost. Ghost. LIAM: Forget ghosts because this is the real-- LAURA: Ghost. BRIDGET: There is-- LIAM: Ghosts, they can smell ghosts. SAM: Ghost. Ghost. Ghosts. BRIDGET: Ghost. SAM: Ghost. Ghost. Ghost. Ghost. LIAM: Ghost. DAVID: Ghost. SAM: Lionel Richie's pre-ghost. SAM: Ghosts? BRIDGET: Yes. LIAM: Ghosts. DAVID: Yes. LAURA: Ghosts. SAM: Ghost. LAURA and LIAM: Ghosts. DAVID: That's a ghost. That's a ghost, that's a ghost. There's a ghost. There's a ghost. BRIDGET: Should I move, or should I stay? DAVID: No. LIAM: Ghosts. SAM: Ghosts. Ghosts don't like complete sentences. SAM: Ghost. LIAM: Ghost. Ghost. Ghost. (creepy noises) Yum yum! SAM: Ghost cigarettes. (screams) Ghosts, ghosts, ghosts, ghosts. SAM: What do I do? BRIDGET: Ghost. LAURA: Ghost. LIAM: Ghost. Ooh! BRIDGET: You ran right through it! SAM: I killed a ghost? BRIDGET: You killed the ghost. SAM: Is he still there? I killed a ghost. (upbeat guitar music) BRIAN (V.O.): Last time on Talks Machina. BRIAN: I have some wine for you, sir. MATT: Well, thank you, I'm excited. BRIAN: See how easy that was. MATT: That's was very easy. BRIAN: I had Jerry pre-cork it. DANI: What? MATT: (laughs) Don't ever wink at me again. BRIAN: I didn't wink at you, I winked at the folks at home. MATT: I was in the splash zone. BRIAN: Oh, man. In the splash zone. MATT: That's good. That's a lot. That's, holy, stop! BRIAN: We have a lot to talk about. I want to get to the truth. "What, if any, were your expectations "for the hag encounter and what the Mighty Nein "would be willing to offer? "Laura's stunts aside, were you surprised by any "of their responses to her?" MATT: I was kind of surprised by Nott's immediate considering of furthering the war. BRIAN: Yes, I was, too. Yeah. MATT: I was like, "Oh! Huh." That's a unique-- it's one of those things where catches you off guard and you're like, "Oh, okay, all right." BRIAN: Yeah. Mm-hmm. MATT: Beau, you know, knowing where Beau's arc has gone and where her mind was at that time, it was really interesting to have her be willing to give up the things that were important to her, based on her sense of self esteem and the-- you know, where she was mentally sitting at that time, worried that it could not possibly get better than this and that peaked early-type mentality. I wasn't expecting it. It's all those things were when it happens, you're like, "Oh, shit," and then you think about it after you're like, "I see where--" BRIAN: Yeah. MATT: "-- threads and thoughts went there," and it was it was very fascinating. BRIAN: "At the start of the campaign, everyone talked "about generally trying to keep the two campaigns separate. "Did you hesitate to let Laura play a cleric "of a significant Campaign 1 NPC, or did this slow burn "on the reveal and change in his situation "make it different enough to be fair game?" MATT: When I wanted to keep the campaigns separate, it was less about, like, no connections whatsoever. It was more about... I didn't want them to play, like, the children of Vox Machina. I didn't want it to lean so heavily into the previous story and their characters that it was a very visual continuation of the previous story. I wanted to be something that was unique and special to its own narrative. When she brought up wanting to bring Artagan into her character, I felt that was a distant enough and only situationally attached element to the previous campaign and the way it would be involved in this story would have really nothing to do with Vox Machina beyond the inciting incident of his freedom from the Feywild. It was enough of a thing where I was like, This, yeah, this won't directly tie Vox Machina into their narrative where they are now intrinsically bound and it just becomes a continuation of Vox Machina's story. It's a choice that they made, it's an action they took and beyond that, it is its own unique story that is more Jester's story. BRIAN: "Even when following an individual character's plot threads, "you and the cast seem to hit on development beats "for other characters, such as the Artagan reveal "to Jester while going to the Menagerie for Clay. "Is this a conscious and purposeful effort on your part, "does it develop naturally, or is it a mix?" MATT: I think what would be an interesting path for this NPC to go, whether or not the players get involved? I don't want to leave it. I don't want it to be that everything is directly based on the players' choices. The world continues whether or not they interact with elements. So I loosely have ideas of, like, it'd be fun if it this way or, like, it makes sense that this would happen. BRIAN: It's like when you said the war is going to happen, whether they involved or not. MATT: Yeah, and I honestly expected them to not get as involved. I thought when the beacon fell in their lap originally, and they gave it away, I was like, "Okay, well, that thread's done." BRIAN: Yep. MATT: Or when they got the beacon back, I was like, "They'll probably "be keeping this out of the hands of anyone in the war." And, honestly, when Yeza was captured, I thought it was going to be a "Let's look into our allies "in the Dwendalian Empire and see who we can, "you know, help us figure out how to get Yeza back." I had this whole thing planned out with, like, them getting more involved in the Dwendalian Empire and their their political structure there and trying to lean into that side and-- nope, you know. BRIAN: Yep. MATT: But that's how it works out. I don't plan because I don't want to push the players in particular direction, but as DM, game master knows, to a certain extent, you try and think of a few possible loose assumptions and plan a little bit around those so you don't feel completely flat footed. BRIAN: "Taking the large families of Taliesin's characters "and making them suffer is a recurring theme." (laughter) "How long has the idea of them being turned "to stone been in your plans?" MATT: Look, I work with what I've been given. BRIAN: I understand. MATT: When your party of characters hands you largely tragic backstories, revolving around their parents, I'm not going to deny that. I just have to find a creative way to bring it into the narrative that hasn't been explored in other stories we've done. Travis, not Travis, I'm sorry, Taliesin gave me his Caduceus' background about a family that, piece by piece, left off and never came back. BRIAN: Yeah. MATT: Well, there's a few ways I could go with that on multiple different scales of tragic. I figured this one was thematically one of the lesser tragic, weirdly. BRIAN: Yeah. MATT: And... for me, it was just trying to come up with a narrative reason that makes sense as to why they would never have returned, but was more complicated than just "they died." BRIAN: Yeah. MATT: "They didn't survive." To me, that doesn't-- that's not interesting. BRIAN: Creepy ain't a crime. But this fucking outfit is. DANI: Yes. (laughter) BRIAN: I hate looking at it in the monitor. I feel terrible. DANI: It's so bright. MATT: You should. BRIAN: I feel like Drew Hefner. (laughter) His douchey nephew he never wanted. MATT: Checks out, yeah. Yep. BRIAN: You know what I mean. He's like, "Ah, my fucking sister's kid's here again "wearing my goddamn robe." (laughter) LIAM: Subscribe or don't subscribe. That's not a question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to ponder the pros and more pros of Twitch or Twitch Prime. Or to take hands and gift new subs to Critters who find they can't afford them. To play. To sleep. No more. And by a sleep to say that cast and crew of Crit'cal Role might find their naps around the hectic schedule of a live broadcast that we have brought for your consumption, both Critter and fan alike. To play, or sleep. (scoffs) No sleep. But just to stream. Aye, there's the rub. For with your subscription, what streams may come. Oh man, oh man, oh man, that is a fucking tagline. Do we got that? That is Twitch poetry. (grunting) Oh, anyway, subscribe to Critical Role. Use Twitch Prime to subscribe, gift some subscriptions. You-- You got it. Wrong soliloquy for the skull, but that's fucking good. (upbeat string chamber music) (dramatic orchestral music)

Part II
MATT: Welcome back. Go with the simple classic, Sam, I liked it. First, we have a winner, as picked during our break. The winner of our Wyrmwood giveaway is Cookie2259.

TRAVIS: Cookie2259.

MATT: Cookie2259, congratulations. We'll get that dice vault sent to you ASAP.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: [inaudible]

MARISHA: [inaudible]

TALIESIN: Fine art.

MATT: So you all enter the interior of the cave. You look around at the faint pieces of glowing crystal that alight the interior. There are pools of water beneath a lot of these that cause the reflecting shimmer that dances across the cavern walls and catches elements of the gold veins that swirl and swarm throughout the red rock. It's beautiful, it's serene, and it is silent. You can see Eremis looking around, a sorrowful look on his face. "I guess things have indeed changed. Let me see, I might be able to... (sighs) I don't know how long things have been. Who and when. Do you know how long it's been like this?"

TALIESIN: I don't.

LAURA: How long have your parents been gone?

TALIESIN: I don't know, it was-- It was quite a while when the... When they first left, I don't know when you arrived. When did you arrive? What did you?

MATT: Cornelius goes, "Uh, I mean, I don't really know how long I've been here, either, if we're going to be really honest about it."

LAURA: What year did you get here, do you think?

MATT: "Uh. I'm really--"

TALIESIN: That's a rough question for us, to be fair, we're not really calendar people.

MATT: "Yeah."

TRAVIS: When was the last time you--

MATT: "Constance, what year--?" And she goes, "Well, me and my sister left, I think it would have been... 827."

MARISHA: So before.

SAM: That was nine years ago.

LAURA: How long did it take you to get here?

MATT: "Quite a few months. Me and Corrin," she gets a little soft for a moment, "Me and Corrin--"

TALIESIN: They were the first to leave.

MATT: "We made our way to meet with the Dusts and didn't meet with much success there. We thought maybe we would encounter this glass that was asked of us, perhaps it's in this location. But upon arrival, found that this creature had already ravaged the outside of this cave and, well, then we ran into you. I ran into you."

LAURA: We're going to heal her, okay?

TALIESIN: We will do what we can. We're-- We're stalwart. We'll be fine, whatever happens.

MATT: "Loss is not an unfamiliar concept to our family, but I appreciate you extending your empathy."

TALIESIN: I met the Dusts.

MATT: "Did you?"

TALIESIN: I'm going to take out the crystals. It's been a long time.

MATT: You can see her step forward and Cornelius steps forward and they both put their hands under yours and Calliope approaches to look at them, but still has her hand on her side. (as Cornelius) "Wow, I'm very impressed, Caduceus. This is, I mean," and he reaches in his pocket and pulls out all these shards of green glass, and he was like, "I think I got confused."

TALIESIN: Me too, a couple times.

MATT: "Aw."

TALIESIN: Honestly, I thought Calliope was going to be the one to do it.

MATT: Calliope reaches in her pocket and pulls out a piece of similar crystal.

MARISHA: Oh, shit.

MATT: (as Calliope) "I would have beaten you, brother, I'm just saying.

TALIESIN: Would you've?

MATT: "It would have been very close."

TALIESIN: Maybe.

MARISHA: Did you also get that at the Dusts'?

MATT: "I did."

MARISHA: Oh. Good for you.

MATT: "Thank you. What's your name?"

MARISHA: Oh, I'm Beauregard. I'm not important.

MATT: "Very well."

ASHLEY: I'm Yasha, I'm very important.

TALIESIN: It's true.

ASHLEY: Just kidding.

TRAVIS: Get it. Go, girl.

MATT: "Very well."

SAM: Snatched.

MATT: "Calliope. Calliope Clay." (as Cornelius) "Actually, I don't think we've done a full introduction of your friends here, if you want to..."

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, wow.

SAM: We can do it for you.

TALIESIN: Everybody, please go ahead.

LAURA: Jester, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

SAM: Hi, I'm Nott. We've been hanging with your son and he's really great.

LAURA: Super, super, super powerful.

MATT: And, like, nudges Constance by the side and she gives, like, a knowing look.

LIAM: Yeah, you have raised him well. My name is Caleb Widogast, hello.

MATT: "And Beauregard, you already said, so."

MARISHA: Expositor with Cobalt Reserve.

MATT: "I have no idea what that means."

MARISHA: Yeah, that checks.

MATT: "Sounds really nice, though."

LIAM: Not important, though.

MATT: "Okay, and you are--"

TRAVIS: Fjord... Stone. No relation. Your son has been a great friend.

MARISHA: He's totally related.

TRAVIS: I'm not.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: No, this is Nott.

SAM: No, but he is a Stone. I think he might be related.

LAURA: Stone cold fox!

TRAVIS: Not Stone.

MARISHA: Yeah. And--

MARISHA: "So you're Nott Stone."

SAM: I'm not Stone.

MATT: "You're not a Stone."

TRAVIS: You're Nott the Brave.

MARISHA: He is a Stone. And I'm not important.

LIAM: Hold on, hold on.

MARISHA: She's Nott the Brave.

SAM: Third base.

LIAM: Restart.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: How has this never happened before?

(laughter)

MATT: A mild nosebleed appears.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: (explosion) Ah!

(laughter)

MARISHA: He was a Dust after all!

TALIESIN: Fjord is a recent child of the Wild-Mother as well.

MATT: Eremis steps forward. "Interesting, of the Wild-Mother and your name is Stone."

TRAVIS: Yes.

LAURA: Yeah. He could have been a child of the Traveler, but he chose the Wild-Mother, so it's got to mean something.

SAM: There's the Stone part.

LAURA: What?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: "Have you been through here before, then?"

TRAVIS: Here, the Menagerie?

MATT: "Mm-hmm." TRAVIS: No, no, it's my first time, same for most of us.

LAURA: But the he is from the Menagerie Coast. What, another coincidence?!

TRAVIS: Port Damali, not really, I mean, yes.

MARISHA: In the Menagerie Coast, though.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

SAM: He also has memory gaps.

TRAVIS: Not true.

SAM: Well, do you remember being born?

LIAM: Nott, that's true.

TRAVIS: No, I can't.

MATT: Cornelius looks towards you and goes, "I-- You've made some friends."

TALIESIN: I'm aware, it's a lot.

LAURA: Hey.

MATT: "Thank you. Thank you all for--"

LAURA: But we killed the thing and we brought you back from being a statue, so we are something.

MATT: "That is very true."

MARISHA: Eremis, what's with the statues, what's with this--

MATT: He's looking around and goes, "I'm looking to see if I can find Gaima if she's still here." And he walks off towards the large central structure with the large stone arches where the majority of the refracting-- I just need to watch this happen right now.

SAM: Wow, she made a cupcake sandwich! I don't know that I've seen you do that before.

MARISHA: Oh my god, you did. I'm so jealous.

ASHLEY: That smells so good.

LAURA: That's how you do it without getting the icing all over your mouth.

SAM: I didn't know that was a thing.

ASHLEY: That's such a good idea.

TALIESIN: It's called a Bailey's sandwich.

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: It is now.

MARISHA: Damn it. That looks so good.

LIAM: This is the D&D you tune in for.

SAM: Are all of these Stones elves?

MATT: No, they're a smattering of different races, actually. I'd say, interestingly enough, about a quarter of them are dragonborn.

SAM: Okay, and then the others are...

LIAM: Do they have tails or not?

MATT: You see two with tails and many without.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: There are elves, human. You don't see much in the way of orc or half-orc representation specifically here. You see maybe two dwarves, but it is an eclectic gathering. You can see Eremis, after going into the temple, goes, "I think I found her, if any of you can."

LAURA: Not until the morning, but if we sleep.

TALIESIN: I'm--

LAURA: Oh wait. No, I used it.

MATT: "All right, well, we do have beds if you need to rest."

LAURA: Are they made of stone?

MATT: "No, they're made of wood."

LAURA: Okay, cool.

MATT: "If you prefer a stone place to sleep."

LAURA: No, I'll take wood.

MATT: "All right, all right.

TRAVIS: Do you mean here in this cave?" I feel like we're a bit unprotected here? Oh, right.

MATT: "Well, I mean, as far as I know, you destroyed the most significant threat to everything here."

TRAVIS: There was just the one?

MATT: "That I've seen at least, yes."

MARISHA: Hmm.

TALIESIN: Was that-- do you know where it came from?

MATT: "I have my theories. I'd like to ask Gaima for more guidance and specifics, but it's not-- Hmm. Our oasis, depending on how much you and your family know of our history, it draws many beasts to come and live and take of the soil and eat of the interred and the delightful gifts that are granted by the surrounding jungle. A part of this cycle is the worship that we bring between the Wild Mother and Avandra. It is an occasional occurrence where entities and creatures are drawn from beyond the Penumbra Range to the far east. From the Miskath Strand. A land that in itself is blighted. I believe some refer to it as Blightshore. A very... A very necessary place to avoid, from what I've read. But creatures that come from there don't come in their normal state. It's a place of twisted things."

LIAM: I'm sorry, did you say, "eat of the interred"?

MATT: "Yes."

MARISHA: Dead people, it's a grave. It's a Caduceus thing.

LAURA: But you eat them?

MATT: "We do not eat of them, but the animals that come and are part of this oasis, eat of the bodies as they are interred and return them to the earth."

LAURA: They poop them out?

MATT: "Yes."

LAURA: They poop the bodies out?

MATT: "Yes."

MARISHA: I mean, we've dranken dead people tea.

TRAVIS: Dranken?

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: Drankin'.

MARISHA: Is there another way to say it?

LAURA: That's a colloquialism from--

LIAM: Krunk.

MARISHA: Oh. We've krunk dead people tea.

MATT: "Have you partaken in, perhaps, a roast or a piece of well-prepared animal meat?"

TRAVIS: Yes.

LAURA: I'm a vegan.

SAM: I've roasted Fjord a bunch of times.

LAURA: Is this why you don't eat meat?

TRAVIS: No.

LAURA: Oh. No, I do eat meat.

MATT: "Then you yourself a part of the same cycle. We just have many creatures that do it as well as part of the worship."

TRAVIS: What of the lake? Could you tell us more about it?

MATT: "The lake, it seems, was placed here long ago, we believe as a beacon from the Wild Mother and... the shrine was built as a connection between the Wild Mother, Avandra, with the essence of the Raven Queen sending the families out to find a place to lay the champion here. We took that one piece of the champion and with that, the Stone family set this place of worship, and begun the cycle of interment."

MARISHA: Huh.

LIAM: This must be very interesting for you and your burgeoning faith.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it is a bit all of a history lesson.

MARISHA: Where's the champion?

MATT: "Oh, the body of the champion?"

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: "Oh, it's long been devoured and cast out the sands and earth around you by the creatures who've lived long before us. Long before I did, at least."

MARISHA: Yes, yeah.

SAM: Did the champion leave any artifacts behind?

MATT: "No, just the body was scattered."

MARISHA: Who's the current champion?

MATT: "I have no idea."

TALIESIN: It was just a champion.

MATT: "This was a millennia ago."

LIAM: Myth and legend.

MARISHA: Is that, like, a self-proclaimed title? I don't know, I'm just asking.

TALIESIN: Have I not, I thought I have, have I not told you this story before?

MARISHA: Yeah, the champions of Dust, Clay, and Stone, and all that?

SAM: You protect the body.

TRAVIS: How could you forget this?

TALIESIN: We don't protect the body. (laughter) We gave it back, we were tasked. The three families were tasked.

MARISHA: Oh, right and you separated their bodies and then you put them across in other areas--

MATT: (as Cornelius) "So you are teaching them as you go?"

MARISHA: Super macabre, and kind of fucked up. That's right, though?

MATT: "Hey, that's mighty judgmental of you."

MARISHA: I'm just saying.

SAM: That's her.

TALIESIN: What would we do with you then?

MATT: Calliope's like, "I kind of like her."

LAURA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: When you die, what's to be done with you?

MARISHA: I think it really depends on how I go, right?

MATT: (as Cornelius) "It's an important question and something you should think about in an early point in your life because it comes at you fast."

MARISHA: I mean, you don't normally have a choice. Those who are lucky have a choice, though.

MATT: "Right, but if you have a choice early then aren't you lucky?"

LAURA: (gasps) Oh my gosh, can you guys bake me into, like, a cupcake or something and then eat me?

SAM: What?

TRAVIS: Are you asking us eat you?

TALIESIN: That would probably require the Kiln, so it would be up north.

MATT: "We can talk to the Dust family. I'm sure that could be done."

TALIESIN: That could be arranged.

MARISHA: We are surrounded by statues of people.

MATT: Which point, you hear Constance go--

TALIESIN: People in statues.

MATT: "I think I found them."

TALIESIN: All right, I'm--

MATT: And around the exterior of the shrine you can see there, one trying to protect the other, the petrified bodies of Colton and Clarabelle your elder brother and sister.

TALIESIN: How do they look?

MATT: Intact, just petrified.

LAURA: Okay. After we go to sleep, we can bring back, I can bring back three people

TALIESIN: I can bring back three people.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Eremis goes, "And we do have a number of individuals of the Stone family that probably could take care of this problem over time. We just have to bring them back."

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: "One of which is Gaima, who I've mentioned."

LAURA: We'll bring back Gaima for sure tomorrow.

SAM: Yeah. Maybe first, actually. She-- They-- He--?

MATT: "She."

SAM: She could help with the others.

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: And who is Gaima?

MATT: "Gaima Stone is partner to Darrah and the head of the guardian of the shrine."

LAURA: Ooh! That sounds important.

SAM: Also, probably Fjord's, like, mom.

LAURA: Is Gaima an orc?

MATT: "No, half giant."

SAM: That's kind of like--

LAURA: Wow!

TALIESIN: You're really reaching on this one.

SAM: I think it's the same thing.

TALIESIN: Let's--

MARISHA: When you're three feet tall, yeah.

TALIESIN: (sighs) Maybe we rest. What time is it? I don't even--

MATT: It's later in the day. You guys were approaching the oasis in the, like, mid to late afternoon. So at this point, it's probably getting pretty close to dusk.

TALIESIN: As my last question before we-- How does your ritual work with the Menagerie? What is it done with those who are more interred here?

MATT: "Well, with the bodies that we have. There is a series of rites that we speak over the body as it is placed within the center of the temple shrine. It is prepared with all sorts of salts and other minerals that begin the process of decomposition as well as preserving elements on the surface. It is then, based on this ritual, we take a sign or a vision from either be the Luck Bearer or the Wild Mother, as to which creatures of the Menagerie should be granted the body. Then we find them and we converse and if it is accepted, then it is given to the creature to be buried."

TALIESIN: Here within the cave or outside the cave?

MATT: "Outside the cave."

TALIESIN: All right. That's beautiful.

MARISHA: "Buried?"

TALIESIN: Consumed.

MATT: "Consumed and then interred."

TRAVIS: You said this area draws animals from outside. Is there any way that we might camouflage the entrance to this cave? I only--- something we did attracted the gorgon towards us. I would hate to think that more were on the way and that we tried to sleep. I know we may be able to be inside the dome but--

LIAM: Not all of us.

TRAVIS: Right.

TALIESIN: How large is the entrance of the cave?

MATT: The entrance is probably about 15 feet tall, about 20 feet wide.

ASHLEY: I don't have to sleep in there.

MARISHA: Eremis, is there any other entrances to this cave?

MATT: "Not to the outside. Well, we do have to two, relatively disused escapes, but they just vanish into the jungle. They're sealed, though."

TRAVIS: Sealed with stone or?

MATT: "Sealed with metal and key."

TRAVIS: Oh, actual doors.

SAM: If we had a watch--

MATT: "We have doors," and Eremis points out to the edges of the chamber and you can see beyond some of these small buildings and huts, there are doors and there are stairs, made of the same stone material that blended in. You were so taken in by the structures in the center of the building and center of the chamber and looking at the architecture around it. Now that you focus a bit on the outskirts, there is a very intricately carved series of stairs and shelves and things in the outskirts and you can see, similar to, like, the Dust family though on a much smaller scale, there are other side chambers and rooms. This was-- this place could probably house close to 60 or so people.

MARISHA: Is there anyone else not petrified? Are we alone?

MATT: From what you see right now, you're the only ones un-petrified.

LAURA: Wow! We should go up some stairs and into a chamber because, you know, I don't think bulls can climb stairs.

LIAM: I can set an alarm at the cave entrance.

SAM: Yes.

LIAM: To start, but only nine of us can fit.

ASHLEY: I can sleep outside of the dome.

LAURA: Yeah, you should have Caduceus' family sleep in the dome.

MARISHA: Yeah, a few of us can sleep on the outside or I can find a hut. Kind of excited to find someone's hut.

TALIESIN: I'm fine sleeping outside, I don't need the dome.

TRAVIS: Might I ask why?

MARISHA: It's kind of invigorating, sleeping in someone else's house.

SAM: Also, I think that Jester's going to want to sort of arrange the stone bodies into sort of weird and embarrassing positions, so that when they come back to life, they just--

LAURA: Why didn't I think of that? Nott!

TALIESIN: If they break while you're moving--

LIAM: Yeah, you don't want to--

LAURA: You would make a good follower of the Traveler, Nott.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

SAM: That's true. Like, if you made some sort of weird pylon.

LIAM: Tip one over, it's, you know- no take backs.

TALIESIN: Yeah, so let's not do that.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: What?

TALIESIN: Because if you accidentally drop one, then--

LIAM: We just had this conversation. Harmless pranks, you know, to potentially lethal on--

TALIESIN: And you've killed my sister and then, you know, that's weird.

LIAM: You know what, draw a dick on somebody because that is impermanent and it's a dick.

LAURA: That doesn't sound nearly as fun.

TRAVIS: Yeah, draw a stone dick on one of the statues. They wake up, and they've just got one sticking out of their shoulder.

LAURA: Oh! I could paint, like, a penis on the shoulder or something and then when they're brought back to life.

SAM: (screams)

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah! That's really smart, Fjord!

SAM: They hit it to knock it off, but that makes it harder! (laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh god!

TALIESIN: Let's-- Let's not--

LIAM: Turn somebody into a beholder.

TALIESIN: Let's maybe not do that. But if you do do it, do it to Colton.

LIAM: Pretty sure that's not how it works.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: If you do. Don't do it, but if you do, do it to Colton.

LIAM: Family and heartbreak, dick statues.

(laughter)

MATT: If you guys like to, you can find an evening here to rest to prepare for the next day.

LIAM: I honestly don't think we need the dome, for once. I think a tripwire on the cave entrance and some distance from that entrances is enough.

SAM: Agreed.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. You guys eventually find some chambers that are relatively empty. You do find a handful of other piles of relatively pulverized rock and dust from individuals that managed to get in the way of this creature when it maybe first or at some point in which it was rummaging through this cave. Eremis takes moments to pray and gather what pieces he can. It's a very solemn, climb to the end of the night, but also an experience that seems not unfamiliar to an individual that their purpose, their family is to bring those to a close of their journey. But you guys, go ahead and rest. If there's anything you want to accomplish before the night's over, otherwise we will go into a long rest.

SAM: I'll meditate a little bit.

LIAM: Wait, before you go into that.

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: This is a lot of god talk.

SAM: God talk.

LIAM: A lot of god talk here. It's a bit above--

SAM: I'm not following most of it.

LIAM: Are you a follower of the Traveler yet?

SAM: Not yet. I'm curious to see what the meeting's about.

LIAM: Very curious, very curious.

SAM: But I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit to following that fellow.

LIAM: I understand your reservation. She has done great things.

SAM: Oh yes.

LIAM: With his aid.

SAM: Yes, he-- I have seen him do great work through her, as well, but I've also seen you do quite amazing things and without any holy power at all.

LIAM: If you think about it, it's all about scale.

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: You know. The Raven Queen, the Wild Mother. The things that you can do and I can do or not as great as what the Wild Mother can do and this other-- this ginger elf man thing. He can do things even greater than you and I, but not as great as... the gods reaching into our world. But it's just math and scale and he helps her.

SAM: He does, and I do like him for that. I, uh-- LIAM: He's a little creepy. But--

SAM: Well, I mean, if you're really being honest, so is she sometimes, but in the sweetest way.

LIAM: If I am being honest, she is occasionally creepy.

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: (offended noise)

SAM: In the best possible way.

LIAM: I mean, I've seen her do things with an axe that would make even me blanch, and I am a twisted individual. But pales in comparison to everything else. What am I talking about? Where is your head at?

SAM: Well, I mean, I've been thinking about it quite some, quite a lot, and I must say, seeing Caduceus reunited with his mother was, it was wonderful. It was nice. I'd like that again. For me.

LIAM: You don't want to be a goblin?

SAM: I don't. No, no.

LIAM: But what's going on in here it has nothing to do with what's out here, you know, so if you turn yourself back to your old you, you know, wherever you are in your journey and your outlook, the outside is going to have no bearing on it.

SAM: Yeah.

LIAM: You still have to make the same decisions even if you're back to yourself. Self, what is self?

SAM: I do think-- I do think your physical appearance, it doesn't matter. I mean, it's not everything.

LIAM: It is a reality.

SAM: Yes, it has an effect on your life. And I don't know how much it's had an effect on mine, but I guess there's only really one way to find out.

LIAM: And if you change back, do you know, are you going to go home or to your family?

SAM: I think I've decided. I think I've made a decision. But that's two decisions. I've made the first. I think I'm ready to change back. But what happens afterwards, I won't know until I get there, I think.

LIAM: I support whatever you choose. But I will miss you, if you go.

SAM: I'll miss all of you, if I go, I'll miss you most of all. Our time together has been so dangerous and deadly and incredible and it's been wonderful saving your life again and again.

LIAM: I appreciate it.

SAM: I know you're going to use your life to do (sniffs) god-like things and I hope I'm there to see it.

LIAM: Can I admit something to you?

SAM: Go ahead.

LIAM: It is a blessing to have family again. And in the realest sense of the word, it has been a blessing to me and I am so grateful for your presence next to me on the road.

SAM: I feel the same, but I don't know what... what our family is.

LIAM: Work in progress, Veth.

SAM: Yeah, not my... Hmm. Well, baby steps, I suppose.

LIAM: Yeah. Sometimes words ruin it.

SAM: And I don't want to make anybody shovel 50 pounds of clay while we're here, so.

LIAM and SAM: Soon.

LIAM: Soon.

SAM: And you'll be there for it.

LIAM: I'll absolutely be there for it.

SAM: All right. Well, maybe for the last time, good night, Caleb.

LIAM: Good night, Nott the Brave.

TALIESIN: Oh, you two still up?

LIAM: So much going on, Caduceus.

MARISHA: I'm still up.

LIAM: Jesus.

MARISHA: Hey. Jester.

TALIESIN: I got a thing I need to do. Ignore anything you hear in the next five minutes, it's fine.

MARISHA: What are you doing?

TALIESIN: It's just a thing.

MARISHA: What are you doing?

TALIESIN: (shushes)

MARISHA: Why don't you just tell us, you're about do it in front of us.

TALIESIN: No, I'm going to wander off and find Calliope.

MARISHA: Jester!

LAURA: What?

MARISHA: We have a rare gift upon us right now.

LAURA: In what way?

MARISHA: An empty town with a bunch of unlocked doors.

LAURA: Oh god.

MARISHA: And no consequences.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MARISHA: We can get into every single one of these huts.

LAURA: You can learn so much about people.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

LAURA: I can, like, put dildos over everybody's bed.

MARISHA: Yep!

LAURA: We should do it.

MARISHA: It's going to be a great night.

LIAM: Canon.

LAURA: But. We do need to get some rest because I do have to do some major--

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, just, like, an hour.

LAURA: Okay, yeah, let's do it.

MARISHA: You think anyone else wants to come?

LAURA: Maybe Nott.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Maybe Yasha.

MARISHA: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe Fjord.

LAURA: I feel like Fjord's going to say no, but we can ask him. Just don't let him talk us out of it.

MARISHA: No! Pssh!

LAURA: It's really good, he's really, like, noble.

MARISHA: Yeah, okay. Should we not ask him? Is he going to be, like, a buzzkill?

LAURA: Maybe we should ask him.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay.

MATT: They ask you--

LAURA: I mean, that's everybody, basically.

MARISHA: Yeah. Everyone who's not preoccupied.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Anyone want to go in a bunch of huts?

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: Hey, you asleep?

TRAVIS: Clearly not now.

MARISHA: Hey.

TRAVIS: What? You just said hey.

MARISHA: Empty town man, empty town. All us. It's like time has frozen. Haven't you ever had this fantasy, dude?

TRAVIS: People are frozen, go on.

MARISHA: But, like, think about it. We got-- this ours. No one, come on.

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: You want to go for a walk?

TRAVIS: I'm still totally foggy on what the fuck you're talking about.

LAURA: Oh my god, I have a really good idea!

MARISHA: What, what, what?

LAURA: What if, over every single door--

MARISHA: Okay. Ooh!

LAURA: -- we put a water pail, and so as soon as they come back and they go get back to get in their house, yeah, they get-- everybody gets--

TRAVIS: Time out, are you talking about sabotaging the homes of these frozen petrified people?

MARISHA: No, we're talking about going for a walk.

TRAVIS: That doesn't sound at all what Jester's talking about.

LAURA: But it's not like it's going to hurt them, it's just going to cover them with water.

MARISHA: And maybe get, like, a bruise or just, like, split their forehead.

LAURA: Baby bruise, it's no big deal.

TRAVIS: So the first time they go home in, potentially, 10 years.

LAURA: They won't know it's been 10 years. It's not going to feel like 10 years for them. It's like they're going to go home, is all.

MARISHA: And didn't we hear Eremis say they don't keep track of calendars, it doesn't matter.

TALIESIN: I'm somehow responsible for this.

TRAVIS: Sure, let's do it.

LAURA and MARISHA: (cheering)

LAURA: Nott.

MARISHA: Yasha.

LAURA: Caleb.

SAM: What?

MARISHA: Let's go!

ASHLEY: I am curious about people's homes.

LAURA: Chaos Crew!

LAURA and MARISHA: Chaos Crew!

TALIESIN: Yay, temple defiling. Oh no.

SAM: I'm going to try to find, like, some pine cones or large nuts from a fruit tree or something and I'm going to try to put, like, a pine cone in everybody's hand who's frozen. Just so, when they all wake up, they'll be like, "What the fuck am I holding a pine cone in my hand for?"

LAURA: That's really good.

TALIESIN: Now that--

LAURA: Oh my god, it's so good.

ASHLEY: I don't want to put them any more pain than they were going through?

TRAVIS: Yasha, I'm just going to keep an eye on them. I'm not going to participate.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay, okay, yeah.

MATT: In the meantime--

MARISHA: I'm going to--

TRAVIS: How long-- set a time limit because

MARISHA: Yeah, all right.

TRAVIS: I'm really fucking broke.

MARISHA: Yeah, just, like, one hour.

TRAVIS: One hour, coming home. Streetlamps come on, come back home.

ASHLEY: One hour.

MARISHA: One-ish hour.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: Sundown.

MARISHA: One-ish. You know, if we get caught up in something, you know, maybe it'll, like, distract us, but like, roughly 60-ish minutes. Maybe 90 minutes.

SAM: And then I'm going to pick one guy to have a sack of pine cones.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: This is how weird bank holidays get started. MATT: Yep. All righty, so while you guys having this conversation--

MARISHA: I'm going to take everyone's mail and I just want to, like, steal some. But also, like, rearrange others.

MATT: Got it, we'll get to all this after we finish Caduceus'.

TALIESIN: Beau, your Marisha is still going, I'm just saying.

MATT: The person is actually very heavily focused on.

TALIESIN: That's okay. I appreciate this going to make this. Weirder.

MATT: I know, and we'll come back to it, so.

TALIESIN: Very quietly.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I want to see if I'm very gently going to try and find where where Calliope is sleeping and it just to see if she's asleep which-- very quietly.

MATT: You go and walk across the area, keeping an eye out and... you pass by the exterior of the central temple structure and you see a figure sitting on the edge of the water. And you look closely and you can tell from this distance, which isn't too far, and with the glow from the water, the temple base water itself, this appears to be Calliope, sitting along the edge, toes dipped into the pool. Just looking into it.

TALIESIN: As quietly as I'm as I can. I'm going to very very gently, quietly walk up to her without disturbing her.

MATT: Okay. You approach and you can see she's just holding this single crystal. She's looking at the water, and looking at the crystal. Looking at the structure above her. Sighs very heavily.

TALIESIN: There's no one else around?

MATT: At the moment no, other than no one who's not petrified, at least.

TALIESIN: I very quietly, so slowly get as close as I can and remove the bone flute from my pocket.

MATT: Roll a stealth check for me, Caduceus.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Son of a bitch, I am so proud.

TALIESIN: I've been waiting so long for this.

MARISHA: Chaos Crew.

TRAVIS: The dice can tell.

LAURA: (gasps)

TALIESIN: 19.

(laughter)

MATT: You're-- you are not the most quiet individual. In your life, you've tried at times and with distraction, you've been helpful. And then this moment, this soft smile of the Wild Mother looks upon you. (laughter) As your feet touch soft, red earth, just enough carried on the bottom when you touch the stone of the interior of the temple, nary a sound is made. Calliope is none the wiser of your presence as you approach, but a foot and a half behind her. She sits there, her toe curling in the water. You can hear, she begins to whisper a silent prayer.

TALIESIN: (muffled high-pitched scream)

MATT: "(shrieks)" She just falls into the pool.

(laughter) (sploosh)

TRAVIS: Tell me she drops the crystal.

MATT: Oh yeah, no, the crystal goes in. She immediately goes like, "Ah, no! "Caduceus!" She takes the crystal that fell in the water and throws it at you.

TALIESIN: I run.

(laughter) (crystal clattering)

MATT: She gets up out of the pool and she chases you.

TALIESIN: I got you something. I'll stop at the front of the cave because I definitely know she cannot run.

MATT: Okay. Make an athletics check.

TALIESIN: Oh boy, oh my favorite. Nine.

MATT: Nope, she knocks your ass to the ground. She full on, like (boof) tackle charges you. You fall on the ground, you both tumble a bit, you fall into your back, and she stands up and puts her foot on your chest. Wet, her hair just soaked down in front of her face. (breathes heavily)

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I've been carrying that thing for so long.

(laughter)

MATT: "I was going to thank you. "Was."

TALIESIN: You must have enjoyed that.

(laughter)

MATT: "It's coming back to you. It's all coming back to you."

TALIESIN: We'll see. I hold it up.

MATT: The crystal?

TALIESIN: No, I hold up-- I actually hold up the bone flute.

MATT: Oh, the bone flute? She takes it. "Where the hell did you get this?"

TALIESIN: Oh, around.

MATT: "It's mine now, until you earn it back."

TALIESIN: Be a shame if something happens to Colton tomorrow. And I start to get up, pick up the crystal Just sayin'.

MATT: "Hmph." Make a strength saving throw.

TALIESIN: I'm into it. 12.

MATT: 12. She sweeps your legs out from under you. You fall right to the ground again. This is going to hit your hip, and you're like. (groans)

TALIESIN: Oh man, I've missed you. (laughs)

MATT: She reaches down and puts her hand out and picks you up. "I missed you, too."

TALIESIN: Hug.

MATT: She gives you a hug back, but kind of a side hug, but gives into it. "You're such ... you're such a you."

TALIESIN: I think I've gotten weirder.

MATT: "That's not even possible."

TALIESIN: I know, right?

MATT: "What have your friends done to you?"

TALIESIN: They're very strange, especially the blue one.

MATT: "Well, maybe some family time will do you good."

TALIESIN: Oh. Actually... you were right about a lot of things.

MATT: "I know that."

TALIESIN: I've been out there. I've seen a lot. I've seen a lot. I don't entirely know who I am anymore. This past ... however long, I've... Leaving home changes you.

MATT: "Yeah, I know. I'm surprised it took you long enough to step out for a bit."

TALIESIN: I wasn't going to be the one. I was supposed to stay so that the rest of you could leave.

MATT: "Well, I'm... I'm glad you over... overcame your need to stay and got a little stir crazy."

TALIESIN: I may not be done and I don't know what to tell Mom and Dad yet.

MATT: She stops for a second and looks at your hand where you're holding the crystal. You can see, the crystal itself, the exact same coloration, a deepish purple color. So the ones that you had formulated within the fires of Kravaraad within the kiln and, at the edges of it, you can see these little spikes protruding just ever so slightly. Like little tack points, pushing out in four or five different places. She takes it and looks at it, looks back in the temple and she starts walking back to the--

TALIESIN: I follow.

MATT: -- center of the structure. You both walk up to the edge of the water, herself still dripping and leaving this trail to the edge of the pool. She holds it and throws it back into the water. (splash) You see it slowly sink to the bottom. That odd, undulating glow, shifting back and forth from the structure around. It's lit from underneath by the stone build and whatever enchantment holds the bottom of the temple pool floor. And from those points, they seem to continue to extend. As these long, thin, crooked, pseudopod-like extensions begin to grow out them like roots, like a potato that's been left in a pantry too long and begins to just expand. You begin to recall elements of the visions that you had of these crystals taking root eventually, at their final destination. She goes, "I feel like I remember something like that."

TALIESIN: Me too.

MATT: "You found some of these?"

TALIESIN: Yeah. Here, you think?

MATT: "I mean." (splashing) You throw the handful of crystals that you had refined. As they all slowly settle down, you watch as, one by one, they all begin to expand in the same way. These points, like, jutting out of them, another, a little slower, like branches beginning to grow from the crystal. Like they become these odd small hearts with veins extruding to fine points. It's very, very odd, but weirdly beautiful and they extend, just a little ways out from what was once a thin crystal to no further than that and they stop, like partially germinated seeds.

TALIESIN: It's time to take him home.

MATT: "I guess so."

TALIESIN: I don't know if I can go home yet. I owe such a debt, and I don't, I don't know if... I don't know if, I'm ready to plant.

MATT: "Well--"

TALIESIN: Soon.

MATT: "You could always keep them on you and when you come back and you're ready. Just don't take too long. I mean, we--"

TALIESIN: I was going to send them with you. But--

MATT: "With me?"

TALIESIN: Are you going home?

MATT: "If you're not, someone has to. I got to protect the rest of these knuckleheads," and she points over a shoulder.

TALIESIN: Maybe... talk about it in the morning, but I'd appreciate-- I don't know how to talk to mom and dad yet. [inaudible] Corrin would be a help, but we'll see.

MATT: "Hopefully in the morning. If you want me to take these back and we can plant them in your stead, hopefully you'll come home to a... a safer homestead."

TALIESIN: Then you can leave.

MATT: "Yeah."

TALIESIN: You've wanted it longer than I have. Get some sleep.

MATT: "Someone's got to pull those out first," and she pushes you into the pool. (splashes) Watches over. "So pick them up."

TALIESIN: I put all three up on the ledge. I make a grab for the hand.

(laughter)

MATT: Go ahead and make a-- this would be--

TALIESIN: Dex?

MATT: We'll see you grab her. This is a strength check to see if you can manage to overpull, so.

TALIESIN: Okay, I would have been thinking about it, so here we go.

LAURA: Oh!

TALIESIN: Nope.

LIAM: No!

MATT: You grab. Her hand slips out and she puts her foot forward, not painfully, but just pushes into your face. And much like the Santa Claus in Christmas Story, just slowly pushes you back into the pool.

TALIESIN: I'm looking up. I bob back up. Later, then.

LAURA: You still have--

MATT: "Good night, Caduceus."

LAURA: Water breathing.

TALIESIN: It's gone now.

LAURA: It lasts for 24 hours, doesn't it?

(laughter)

MATT: She grabs the crystals and puts them into the satchel and turns around and leaves.

TALIESIN: I'm going to soggy my way back to this.

LIAM: Float to the bottom like Bill Murray in Rushmore, just--

MATT: As you walk past, you can't help but being the high perception Caduceus you are, watch as a faint Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies track of music echoes through the cavern as the rest of your group begins to just dart from hut, to hut, to hut. Exploring the weirdly disturbing ghost town of this cave, as everyone is still stone and locked in various phases of fear or anger. As you begin to... peruse their personal belongings? What are you doing, guys? What are you doing?

ASHLEY: I'm going to rearrange the furniture. So I'm thinking a couch--

TRAVIS: Yasha!

ASHLEY: What? It's harmless. A couch in the kitchen and then put the dining room chairs and table in the bedroom.

MARISHA: Can we stack them in weird ways?

ASHLEY: Yes.

MARISHA: Poltergeist shit.

ASHLEY: Yep. I like it.

MATT: No human would stack chairs like this.

LIAM: A caveat, Caleb didn't go. He's doing something utility back with Caduceus' stone family.

MATT: You got it, you got it.

TALIESIN: I'm just going to--

LAURA: I'm going to look for underwear.

TALIESIN: Are you all... defiling the--

TRAVIS: Yes, they are.

ASHLEY: No defiling.

MARISHA: No.

TALIESIN: -- petrified temple of the Wild Mother right now?

MARISHA: They're not temples; it's their huts!

LAURA: We're just doing the houses.

MARISHA: These beds that people definitely masturbate in | are not fucking temples.

TALIESIN: They're cloisters in the temple of the--

ASHLEY: What's a cloister?

LAURA: It's a place where you masturbate.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Not arguing with that. (laughter) Nope, not arguing with that.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: So it's okay, then.

TRAVIS: I feel like, at least, if we watch then it's like, sanctioned or something.

TALIESIN: I'm disappointed the least in you.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

TALIESIN: And I walk back to the--

MARISHA: I pass Jester a bottle of wine.

TRAVIS: What did you find that?

MARISHA: I swiped it from my parents, obviously.

LAURA: What do you mean to do with it?

MARISHA: You drink from it.

LAURA: Oh!

SAM: She doesn't drink.

LAURA: Beau, that's really sweet of you. I like to prank completely sober, though, so I don't let it go too far. (laughter) I pass it to Yasha.

MARISHA: Yasha.

TALIESIN: Your body is a temple.

LAURA: My body is a temple.

MATT: Your body is a cloister.

TALIESIN: Yes, thank you!

LIAM: If that were true, she'd be drawing dicks on it.

(laughter)

SAM: I better obtain.

ASHLEY: You're going to obtain.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Yeah!

TALIESIN: Oh!

LIAM: Wow!

TRAVIS: That is a text thread thing!

LIAM: Because it's an inside joke, it makes no sense to the audience! Wow!

TRAVIS: Only eight people know what that means.

ASHLEY: I knew that was coming.

SAM: You see, Marisha doesn't know how to spell sometimes.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: How long have you--? Nope, no, I don't want to know.

TRAVIS: Good job.

LIAM: Woo!

LAURA: I'm going to take underwear that I find--

ASHLEY: Fjord?

TRAVIS: No, I'm fine.

LAURA: And just leave it in weird places in the house.

MATT: Okay, make an investigation check.

LAURA: Help me, Traveler, guide me. No, 10.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: But it's underwear.

MATT: Right.

TRAVIS: 10 year old underwear.

MATT: A subterranean temple to the Wild Mother. The south end of Wildemount. You gather, within a short time of searching, the people here: probably not that into underwear.

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: There's just none. They're probably free balling.

LAURA: They're all free balling?!

TRAVIS: ♪ 'Cause I'm free ♪

LAURA: Caduceus.

TALIESIN: The Stone family goes commando.

LAURA: Caduceus!

TRAVIS: ♪ Free balling! ♪

LAURA: Does your family wear underwear?

TALIESIN: I don't know what that means.

LAURA: (gasps)

TRAVIS: Yeah.

ASHLEY: What's underwear?

TRAVIS: Just one layer of clothes between him and you.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: All these people with no undies. You?

SAM: Nott, nope.

LAURA: You?

MARISHA: Of course, what, of course.

LAURA: Fjord?

TRAVIS: I'm not answering this question.

LAURA: Do you wear underwear? Do you wear boxers or briefs?

MARISHA: Tighty-whities?

TRAVIS: I'm not answering you.

MARISHA: Are they, like, huggers? I bet they're huggers.

LAURA: I'm going to imagine huggers.

MARISHA: Yeah, me too.

LIAM: How white are tighty-whities in medieval time? Let's be honest.

ASHLEY: What's a hugger?

TALIESIN: Deep maroon, I would imagine.

LAURA: Hugger is a set of underwear that really hug the testicles.

MARISHA: All the good parts.

ASHLEY: Oh, hugs-- the testicles?

LAURA: Or any, you know, whatever parts you have.

SAM: I think he has testicles, yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, but for Yasha, if she wanted to wear huggers, you know, it would hug her booty.

ASHLEY: I don't need to wear huggers.

LAURA: If you wanted to.

MARISHA: Do you rock it camo?

ASHLEY: I don't understand.

TRAVIS: Did you say "camo"?

ASHLEY: I have pants on.

SAM: Yeah, why would you need pants under the pants?

ASHLEY: What do you need an extra piece for?

LAURA: That's a really good question. I didn't know--

SAM: For when you pee your pants.

ASHLEY: Like an extra pair of under pants, pants underneath.

LAURA: I mean, that's technically what they are, yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm already back to Caleb.

(laughter)

LAURA: Man!

MATT: I'm trying to pinpoint the exact moment I lost control of this.

SAM: Put underwear on all of them!

MATT: It's multiple points.

LIAM: Five years ago.

MATT: Yeah, true. True.

TRAVIS: It's been an hour. Okay, I hope you've done your best work.

LAURA: Okay, okay, I've got the pails going.

MATT: You got some pails, you've arranged some furniture.

MARISHA: How many ladders?

LAURA: I'm definitely--

SAM: Pine cones.

MATT: Pine cones.

SAM: Or large nuts.

TRAVIS: It's just pineapples.

LAURA: Whatever kind of--

MATT: Make a stealth check.

SAM: A stealth check?

MATT: Correct, because you went outside for this.

LAURA: Oh!

SAM: Natural 20!

LIAM: There's lots of conifers in the jungle.

MATT: You avoid a whole shit ton of very dangerous creatures that are nocturnal and peruse the elements of this jungle that you only realize as you're heading your way out. Like, we're talking, like, feral owlbears and all sorts of other creatures that peruse this element of the jungle and... There are no pine cones, but you find large, weird nuts, acorn-like creatures.

SAM: Right.

MATT: You know, objects that you were looking for. Like soggy, tuber-like...

TRAVIS: No.

LIAM: No.

MATT: Things that you can find that have taken root on the exterior of the lake. All a whole bunch of weird things. It looks like a firmer sea cucumber. It's awful.

SAM: Great. Great.

MATT: But you come back with a satchel of this odd collection and you, very much like the oddest Santa Claus-- that's twice we've referenced Santa Claus in this sequence. Go around and just leave little presents in everyone's hand--

LAURA: Put one just, like, draped across a shoulder.

SAM: Sure, sure. And then if there's any left, I'll give Gaima a little bag full of a bunch of them.

MATT: There you go, there you go.

LAURA: That's really good. I'm going to watch Nott do all of this and I'm going to take out my paints.

SAM: And dick on her.

MATT: And...?

LAURA: No, I'm going to draw a tiny, little statue of the Traveler about this big. And I've realized, if I draw it just right--

SAM: I've seen it.

LAURA: Yes. With the hood and the cape. You can make a nice little dick out of it.

SAM: A silhouette.

LAURA: The silhouette of a dick. And then with the cape, I'm going to make it open up just a little bit the bottom, so it looks like the road going up and I'm going to make the archway like engraved. I'm going to make it look really beautiful. A really pretty dick statue of the Traveler. Yeah. And with a little--

TRAVIS: Your parents watch this show!

(laughter)

LAURA: With a little loop on the top so that it can be worn as a pendant or whatever.

MATT: All right.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: -- your parents to send us some Mountain Dew.

LAURA: Yes, and then I'm going to--

MATT: You do so.

LAURA: Yes, go up to Nott. Nott, I don't think I've ever met anyone in my entire life that would be as good of a follower of the Traveler as you. You're everything he looks for.

SAM: Are you asking me to join your cult?

LAURA: Well, I'm asking you to open your heart to chaos.

(laughter)

SAM: All right. (laughter) I will-- you know what? When I assume my new form, my old form--

LAURA: Or whatever you want it to be, really, you don't have to go back to your old form you could be anything you want.

SAM: That's true. But I will be born again--

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

SAM: -- with your faith in my heart and we'll see what what happens. I can't promise anything because I don't know how I'll be.

LAURA: Totally.

SAM: And also I don't think you can promise chaos.

LAURA: No, and yeah. If you're if you're not feeling it, that's okay.

MARISHA: I walk by and I slap the dick out of Nott's hand. Ha ha ha! Eyy!

SAM: That was good. Chaos Crew!

LAURA: I got to make another fucking necklace.

SAM: Yeah, you do.

LAURA: I'll make another fucking necklace and give it to Beau.

MARISHA: What?

LAURA: See this?

MARISHA: What?

LAURA: There's chaos in your heart, I can feel it.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

LAURA: Join us.

MARISHA: What?

LAURA: You know, if you want to hang out with the Traveler, too. I'm just saying, that you make a really good follower of the Traveler, you can-- you know, or if you-- whatever. You're chaotic and I love you. There you go.

MARISHA: You're very attractive right now.

LAURA: Thank you.

MARISHA: Yeah. And I walk away.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Get some sleep, Caleb. We may need to teleport in morning.

LIAM: Okay, I'll prepare that one, but I'm busy right now.

MATT: So Caleb, what have you been working on?

LIAM: I have been-- I cast Fortune's Favor on myself and I have been trying to figure out how to control or adjust or use this collar from within the Archmage's Bane that got locked around his neck because I want to be able to use it, still.

MATT: Okay, roll an arcana check for me.

LIAM: Fortune's Favor. Fortune's Favor. Two 16s, 26.

MATT: 26, okay. These collars themselves, they aren't self-powered. They are connected intrinsically to the energies that are harnessed in the center tower, the machine tower of Halas' realm. So this has no power source. It could be experimented with or another power source that could be attached to it to attempt to have it function.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: But you're not entirely certain what could function for that in the moment. It could be experimented with.

LIAM: Sure.

MATT: But you do ascertain with that roll that that's really all that it's missing is a power source that's strong enough to keep it going.

LIAM: I understand something that I did not before.

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Excellent.

MATT: And a high roll was how you're able to look at it like, oh, this can totally be powered. Again, I can see how this can be rooted in here and how, you know, the actual enchantment functions. But, yeah, I mean, (stammering) there are a number of things that could be utilized, but you have none of those things at your disposal at the moment.

LIAM: So once I have decided on that, I just stare at it for 10 to 15 minutes. And that's it.

MATT: Okay. You said you were going to find Caleb?

TALIESIN: I'm just letting him know and then I'm just passing out.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I know you still need some sort of 1.21 gigawatts power source.

LIAM: You want to you want to leave tomorrow?

TALIESIN: Would it be possible to get my family back home and then?

LIAM: Home, home. To your home?

TALIESIN: Could we teleport there?

LIAM: No, well, I cannot do that, I could get us to our friend who can or it might take an extra step. I can't go direct.

MATT: The closest you can get them is Zadash. Or Rexxentrum.

LIAM: Feeling good?

TALIESIN: Get them close enough that it's an easy journey for them and then we can get on our way.

LIAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: To back to the Menagerie Coast.

LIAM: I have an idea to help your family member. The one who's in pieces still, I'm sorry.

TALIESIN: That's okay.

LIAM: But I don't think it's a lost cause.

TALIESIN: Thank you. I appreciate that.

LIAM: All the same. Not that I understand much, but congratulations on making it this far.

TALIESIN: Thank you. See you in the morning.

LIAM: Gute nacht.

TALIESIN: And I fall asleep wet.

MATT: Okay. I immediately looked to Laura Bailey for that. All right, a long rest comes to you all.

TALIESIN: Rough!

MATT: In the morning, since you guys went to bed later than others, there's already been activity within the Cave of Remembrance. And as you awaken... you can see, you can smell a simple breakfast has been prepared and the majority of your family that has been restored, as well as Eremis, await your arrival. You can see they've moved two figures into a central area. One of which was the Gaima figure and the other looks to be Mecatoth Stone as well. That was pulled from the outside.

TALIESIN: I'm going to--

MATT: But as you guys awaken and gather in Eremis greets. Says, "Good morning, I hope rest was what you were looking for. Who's the one capable of-- ah, yes, either one. Whoever, please, if you could tend to Gaima."

LAURA: You do one, I'll do the other.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

LAURA: One, two, three, go. Let's see who does it faster. I think I got it.

TALIESIN: You definitely did. I was confused. Okay.

MATT: Okay. We'll say you head to Mecatoth, which is the dragonborn figure just been brought inside. As the stone fades away, it reveals green scales. These beautiful, vibrant green scales. This very thin, lithe dragonborn with a long tail that comes up under the robe. As it restores, goes, "(groaning) Uh?"

TALIESIN: Welcome back from the Clay family. It's been a long time.

MATT: "What's happening? This is weird."

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

MATT: "What happened to everybody?" "Oh no!"

MARISHA: Mecatoth.

LAURA: Megatoth.

MATT: "Oh, this is a problem."

LAURA: Oh no, Steve Blum-- (laughter) on helium.

TALIESIN: It's been a while and there's much work to do. Questions will be answered later.

MATT: "Yeah, I think you can definitely say that again. The Clay family, you said?"

TALIESIN: We're-- many of us are here.

SAM: He looks just like Fjord.

MATT: "Welcome, Clay family to the--" At which point, Jester has finished restoring Gaima, this massive goliath half-giant, middle aged, hair completely shorn with these beautiful tattoos of curling vines that come up from underneath the neck and wrap around and frame the eyes and go up to the top and then spiral to the back of the head. She has this heavy fur around the collar and this sleeveless vest that drags to the ground. These thick bracers and a staff and as she's restored, there's this moment of recognition. "Ah! I do not know you, but I'm thankful for this gift of renewal."

LAURA: (mysteriously) Welcome back to the world of the living.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: This is why you should've gotten eight hours of sleep.

LAURA: I know, I know, we kind of-- (mysteriously) You have been missed greatly.

MATT: "Well, I thank you," and she takes your hand. "What is your name?"

LAURA: Jester.

MATT: "Jester, may the Mother keep you."

LAURA: And may she always give you plenty of milk.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: What the fuck?!

MATT: "Thank you."

LAURA: You're welcome. Did I say that right? Is that something that's--

MATT: Both of you turn away, to look the other way and Gaima's like, "Milk, that's interesting."

TALIESIN: I've never heard anyone say any of that before.

MATT: "All right."

TRAVIS: (laughing) Milk?!

MATT: "Eremis." He goes, "Yes, we've had a bit of a Miskath gorgon problem. But these individuals have kindly eliminated the creature and are aiding us in restoring our fine cave and its denizens." (as Gaima) "Oh, well thank you, everyone." You can see behind, Mecathoth's like, "Yeah, looks like we got our work cut out for us. I guess I'll start with... I'll start with the front side of the cave," and hobbles over with this large gait from these longer than natural legs shifting into the back. And this is you get the sense that the Clay family is an odd mixture, the Stone family, also an odd mixture of personalities.

TALIESIN: I'm going to go over and tap Colton and Clarabelle. Clarabelle and Colton, in that order.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Just to get everyone other than--

LAURA: Who else should I hit?

TALIESIN: Do we need--

LAURA: Maybe I'll ask Gaima that.

TALIESIN: Do we need Jester for your plan?

LAURA: What?

LIAM: Well, we are still working on that. I'm taking of Caduceus'--

TALIESIN: Of my Aunt Corrin.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: We should save one spell.

LAURA: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was thinking about it also. Okay, so I can bring one person back, but also, I think I will, I want to try something if you think it would work.

TALIESIN: I don't know what you're thinking I'm not sure if it would work.

LAURA: Well, okay. I was thinking about what spells I have, right?

TALIESIN: Uh-huh.

LAURA: And we can shape stone.

TALIESIN: I don't know if that would work.

LAURA: What if we put them together and then we stone shaped?

TALIESIN: I can't stone shape today.

LAURA: But I can because I thought about it.

TALIESIN: If want to try. What do you think, Caleb?

LAURA: Do you think that would work?

LIAM: I am not an expert on this. I'm not sure that my idea is foolproof. So--

TALIESIN: Nothing's foolproof.

SAM: I think it will.

LAURA: Really?

SAM: I have the faith of the Traveler behind me.

LAURA: Hey.

MARISHA: Wait, what is that true?

LAURA: So do you, Beau. So do you.

MARISHA: Wait. Did I say something last night?

ASHLEY: Wait, you became a follower of the Traveler after meeting him, the guy?

SAM: Well, we're going to wait and see. No, no, it's more of a favor of Jester--

LAURA: What?

SAM: For now.

LAURA: I'll take it.

TALIESIN: I'm going to wake up my siblings.

MATT: As you go over to Clarabelle, who is... you can see visibly younger than Caduceus. Looks to be probably in the mid-teens, bright eyed, stringy long hair that goes past the shoulders. Immediately at first glance, is the wild child of the family. Ironically, we were making Nell references earlier. This is definitely probably one of the unkept wild kid the of the family. As soon as she's restored, she goes, "(gasps) Caduceus?"

TALIESIN: Hey, hey, hey, hey Belle, hi.

MARISHA: Hay bale. (chuckles)

MATT: "How? What happened? Who are-- (sputtering)" Looks around to see everybody's stone. "I'm confused."

TALIESIN: Mom and Dad will fill you in, it's been a weird decade. Hold on, let me deal with this guy.

LAURA: Does he look, like, super old compared to how you remember him?

MATT: "I mean."

TALIESIN: Hair's a little stringy.

MATT: "Yeah, it's lost a lot of its color, too. How old are you now?"

LAURA: 200 years old.

(laughter)

MATT: You see Clarabelle's like--

TALIESIN: Literally grabs Jester and very gently-- I'm not-- Been about 10 years, apparently, eight years since or seven since you left.

LAURA: Maybe six.

TALIESIN: It's been 10 years since Mom left, so it's it's been a while.

TRAVIS: ♪ It's been awhile ♪

TALIESIN: Let's hold on. I got to do this. And I'm going to wake up Colton.

MATT: So Colton, who has his hand back and was in a protective position for Clarabelle. Immediately goes like, "Stay back. "(breathes heavily) "Oh. Hello."

TALIESIN: Welcome back.

SAM: Everything's okay.

TALIESIN: Mom and Dad are in the other room. It's been while.

ALL: (muttering) ♪ It's been awhile ♪

TALIESIN: Love you guys.

MATT: "Did you save me?"

TALIESIN: Sure.

MATT: "Damn it."

TALIESIN: Yep.

MARISHA: Oh.

MATT: Looks back and sees Clarabelle and he goes, "You okay?" She goes, "Um, yeah, Caduceus saved me." He's like, "(sighs)"

TALIESIN: Think about that. I'm going to turn and head back to where we're figuring out Corrin.

MATT: Yeah, they follow behind and they start scattering to go find your parents off as well. Slowly other people start coming back and you get the sense that with Mecathoth and Gaima revived, over time, weeks and weeks on, they can probably work towards restoring the entirety of the Oasis itself.

LAURA: That's great.

TALIESIN: Let's see what we can do for Corrin.

LAURA: Let's ask Gaima. Maybe she has an idea for, you know. I can ask her if she thinks-- Gaima.

MATT: As you approach, you can see Gaima is now working with a couple of other figures that she's restored and they're currently gathering the broken pieces of some of the individuals that have, were found shattered and they're just saying quiet prayers as they gather them up into piles.

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: She turns around. "Yes, you asked for me."

LAURA: Yeah, well it has to do with... Do think that when they're broken, they can't be mended?

MATT: "At a certain point, it's a bit beyond our capabilities."

LAURA: But if you put all the pieces back together and...

MATT: She looks down at the hundreds of shattered pieces in this pile and goes, "There are good many things I am quite capable of. Puzzles are not my forte."

LAURA: I'm really good at puzzles.

MATT: "Would you like to give it a try?"

LAURA: How many people are in these piles?

MATT: "I don't know."

LAURA: That makes it difficult. What if I had the puzzle that I knew was just one person?

MATT: "Oh, you'd probably have an easier time, that's for sure."

LAURA: Do you think all we would have to do is stick the stone back together and then we could bring them back?

MATT: "Um. I've not attempted such a ritual before. I would hope that if you do it just perfectly right, but this is new territory for myself as well."

LAURA: Hey, Caleb.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: What if we bring her back and, like, her organs are wrong, and she's in a lot of pain.

LIAM: Well, she feels nothing at the moment. We should try something.

LAURA: Yeah. The alternative is the void.

LAURA: True. I can try Stone Shape. Should I give it a go?

SAM: Maybe have Caduceus nearby to do healing immediately.

LAURA: After we bring her back.

SAM: If she starts screaming horribly.

LAURA: That's a good idea, right?

TALIESIN: I'll be there.

LIAM: Are you going to Stone Shape her form together, or are we sprinkling little stones in?

LAURA: I was thinking we can sprinkle in some little stones and seal it up.

TALIESIN: That's not going to work, I don't think. It's not real stone.

SAM: Well, it is real stone.

TALIESIN: It's petrified. It's a petrified body, that's-- it's--

TRAVIS: Petrified people.

TALIESIN: It's different.

LIAM: I don't know. My idea is to, with help-- I am not a worker of metals, but to try to fill this seam seamlessly and I can turn that to stone. But again, no guarantees, nothing's foolproof. But we should try something because.

TALIESIN: I don't know putting something that isn't her--

LAURA: Maybe I can just try putting it back together with the body as-is and I don't add any extra weird stuff.

SAM: You can just use your stone shaping to sort of smooth the edges.

LAURA: Seal it up.

SAM: Just like tuck them together.

LAURA: Yeah, let's give that a go. We're going to try that.

MATT: So what are-- so?

LIAM: Well, I have to bring it out. So he sets his five pieces of amber into a rough circle on the ground. 10 minutes later, he mutters the word "Una," and suddenly the circle flashes and all the parts as assembled are there in this circle.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: The rest of the Clay family steps up and puts hands on each other's shoulders, looking down to watch.

SAM: I will Levitate the body up just at your waist level.

LAURA: Oh, so I can see it on all sides. That's smart, that's smart. Okay, and I'm going to cast Stone Shape.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: To try to heal the stone together.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Be an artist.

MATT: Go ahead and make a medicine check for me.

LIAM: Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. Don't rush in. Places the pearl in front of her head. Very carefully, Jester.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: Very carefully.

TALIESIN: Guidance.

LAURA: (displeased exhale)

SAM: That's a one. Better.

TALIESIN: And the--

SAM: Okay, okay, okay.

LAURA: 25.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: What the fuck?

TALIESIN: Medicine's real high.

LAURA: Yeah, I've got good medicine.

MATT: Natural one would've been real bad.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. As you focus, the portions of the body levitating, you push them all together and you begin to concentrate. The body rotates continuously as you mold over and smooth each element of the fractured elements of the body. There are pieces missing. You attempt to fill those gaps with the existing material.

LAURA: I don't want to do it too much.

MATT: Right, but finding it in ways where you think, at the very least, it should have a cohesive, continuous body. Carefully doing so, like a mystical surgeon, you just move your fingers across each of these lines as it rotates and you watch as they seal and seal and seal and seal past that you're smoothing fresh pottery. The crowd gathers, those who have been restored, around to watch as you finish the final details on it. And with that, the body is seemingly solid.

LAURA: Okay, Nott, you should lower her back down.

SAM: All right. Set her down gently. Face down. No.

(laughter)

LAURA: And then I'm going to use my second 5th-level to cast Greater Restoration on the body. Get ready to heal, Caduceus.

MATT: Okay. You put your hands onto Corrin's stone form and you feel the warm pulse of the divine energy, granted to you by the Traveler, pass into the stone body. From the points of contact where her fingers touch, you can see the gray drift into colored fabric and skin. The body is restored to a flesh form. There's a moment of pause as you can see Corrin was in a mid-battle pose. Now the arms go lax for a second she goes, "(gasping)"

TALIESIN: 4d8. Just because I'm curious. 10, 18, 23, instant.

MATT: Okay. "(groaning) What's gone on? (grunting)"

LAURA: Are you okay?

MATT: "Why am I so stiff?"

LAURA: Well...

TALIESIN: Be very-- oh. Be very careful. You've had a rough decade.

SAM: Some of your muscles might not be connected all the way.

LAURA: At least she's getting healed.

SAM: Yeah.

LIAM: I'm curious if there will be scarring.

SAM: Maybe not out loud.

LIAM: I said it out loud.

TALIESIN: We're fine, you can't--

MATT: "Caduceus, help me up."

TALIESIN: There you-- oh, wow.

MATT: You see, as Corrin stands up. You see this, of all the family of the Clay family you've seen, the eldest, the sister of Constance, his aunt. The hair the fading pink. Not quite as faded as yours has come. A lot of them you see there's, you know, similar shades of that pinkish skin tones some of it's been altered. You can see that Clarabelle has stained it all a variety of different colors. She stands up, Corrin is like, "(groans) Breath is shallow, but--" And she looks around and takes in the other unrestored people, the folks around them, the broken stone on the ground and body parts and you can see her connecting all the dots and and goes, "Ah. Well, whatever you did, thank you."

TALIESIN: Everyone's fine, we're all here.

MATT: "Apparently. The Clays stay together once more."

TALIESIN: And we have other good news. Calliope steps forward and goes, "We've gotten what we came for." And she presents the stones from the night before, themselves expanding into the crystalline roots. The rest of the family looks around. Cornelius goes forward and takes one and goes, "Well, would you look at that? We did something right." He pats you on the head and ruffles your hair a bit.

TALIESIN: My friends, one of them is a-- can get us closer to home quickly. Not quite to home, but close.

MATT: (as Cornelius) "That would be great. That was a long walk. My feet are really sore.

LIAM: Have you ever been to Rexxentrum?

MATT: "What's a Rexxentrum?"

LIAM: Oh, this will be interesting.

TALIESIN: Corrin. Have you ever been to--?

MATT: Oh, this is to Corrin?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Corrin goes, "I've heard of the capital city of the Empire, but I've avoided major cities. We tend to get strange looks and I don't care for the food, to be honest."

TALIESIN: Can we get anywhere closer or maybe with the Cobalt-- with a--

MARISHA: Maybe we can go to Zadash.

LIAM: Which is a little less heavy.

SAM: But it farther.

MATT: "It is, but it's a rural road."

TALIESIN: We, maybe, talk to--

LIAM: We could go incognito once we are there.

TALIESIN: Would you be all right, will everybody all right if we just made a quick pop?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: Sure.

MARISHA: It's easy enough to get to the Menagerie Coast from there.

MATT: (as Corrin) "(slightly pained grunt)" You get a little bit of a glimpse. Corrin is definitely restored to life. There is definitely a... what you gather a fusing of some kind, some elements of where those wounds were that are now extremely stiff and fused, like having multiple vertebrae fused together in a back surgery. Corrin is locked in a specific position, but is alive. You pulled it off.

SAM: Excellent surgery, doctor.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

LAURA: Really? I just heard, like, she couldn't move. SAM: No, no, she can move now. She's just a little sort of, like--

ASHLEY: Stiff like, you know, when you sleep.

MATT: "It happens at my age, anyway, don't worry.

ASHLEY: That was great, Jester.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: You see, Constance comes over and touches your arm a bit and goes, "Well, we're a family again. We've done what we came for. (chuckles) I mean, that's incredible. Everyone, thank your brother." (laughter) Everyone looks around and goes, "Thanks, Caduceus," "Thanks, Caduceus," "Thanks, Caduceus." They're all begrudgingly giving in, except for Clarabelle, who's like, "Thank you, Caduceus."

TALIESIN: Missed you, so much.

MATT: They all come in and give this, like, big family hug around him.

MARISHA: So what happens now? You plant the little crystal dudes and--

MATT: You see Cornelius pulls away and goes, "I have no idea."

MARISHA: Okay.

TALIESIN: Calliope knows what to do.

MATT: "I do." She takes it from her father. Puts it with the rest of them in there.

TALIESIN: Would you would you be willing to, if we're all ready?

LIAM: Of course.

MATT: (as Mecatoth) "Yeah, don't worry, we'll just do all this ourselves. "Thanks for coming in here and leaving the work. No, seriously, we've got it, it's fine, it's wonderful."

TRAVIS: You should, you've been here for 10 years. You've got lots of time to make up for it.

MATT: "Yeah no, totally, we got it all handled. Don't worry."

SAM: Can't tell if he's being sarcastic.

MATT: "No, I'm being completely serious."

TRAVIS: Is there a chip missing from his throat when we revived him?

TALIESIN: There's a chip missing from his shoulder.

MATT: Eremis goes, "No, he's always been this prickly. But he means well." (as Mecatoth) "I can hear you, not true, but thank you."

TALIESIN: I'll try and return.

LIAM: Caleb starts drawing on the floor.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Are we all going?

TALIESIN: If you wouldn't mind.

LAURA: Or just--

TALIESIN: If you wouldn't mind.

TRAVIS: Yeah, of course.

MARISHA: Can we fit everybody?

MATT: It's anybody who can get there in six seconds, which would be quite a bit.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay.

TALIESIN: Just sure makes me--

SAM: Should we tell them we're coming first, or just go?

MARISHA: Oh, Jester, the Zadash Cobalt Soul. Do you have, like, a minute?

LAURA: Are we doing to Zadash?

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TALIESIN: Whichever's the safest passage.

MATT: You do have an Uthodurn circle, which is a hell of a lot closer.

TALIESIN: Let's do that one.

LAURA: There you go.

MARISHA: Oh wait, we do?

SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: Yeah, you guys paid quite a bit for it.

LAURA: Oh yeah.

TRAVIS: What kind of a note taker are you? Uthodurn. Go ahead, Jester.

MARISHA: Yeah. Uthodurn.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to send a message to--

LIAM: Start drawing different glyphs.

LAURA: -- who should I tell?

SAM: Hold on, hold on. The senior Glassblade? No. Lu-- no. Ava. Umagorn Smeltborne? No. Reani? No.

MARISHA: No, that's Rexxentrum.

SAM: The Scribewarden.

LIAM: Tell Reani we're coming.

SAM: Tumblecarves? Archivist Sunlash, at the Cobalt Soul. He's a gnome, or she.

LAURA: Wow!

MARISHA: Wait, Uthodurn? No.

SAM: Uthodurn.

TALIESIN: Wow!

LAURA: That's who I'm going to send a message to.

SAM: Archivist Sunlash.

LAURA: Archivist Sunlash.

MATT: All righty, and what do you say?

LAURA: I sort of remember.
 * ♪ Hey, you remember us? It's the Mighty Nein ♪
 * ♪ We're coming to see you ♪
 * ♪ Along with some other folks. ♪
 * ♪ They're all big. ♪

(laughter)

SAM: Singing telegram?

TALIESIN: The singing telegram was really great, actually. That lifted my spirits.

LAURA: ♪ Maybe they have pink hair, ♪
 * ♪ Maybe they don't. ♪

SAM: Hey.

MATT: All righty. (laughter) Okay.

SAM: Oh wait. Is that the wrong person?

LAURA: Shush!

MARISHA: I think it's, hang on.

MATT: Okay, the response is--

LIAM: It's already happening.

MARISHA: Oh no.

MATT: "Oh, I'm not there anymore." (laughter) "My studies have shifted.

MARISHA: Wait--

MATT: "But good luck!"

MARISHA: Ressia Uvesic?

LAURA: They said we are good to go. Let's head out.

MARISHA: Is that right? I think it's wrong, and in we go.

MATT: Do you finish the circle?

LIAM: No, I'm waiting for confirmation that we know that we're welcome. Are we welcome?

LAURA: Yep.

LIAM: You fixed it?

LAURA: Yeah. They said we're okay to go.

LIAM: Oh hey, Clay family.

LAURA: Okay to go.

LIAM: Please line up--

LAURA: We're okay to go.

MARISHA: Oh no, it's Demid! It's Demid Schmidt! Smlash? He's a male gnome.

SAM: Schlash.

MARISHA: Demid Schmalsh.

LIAM: Shabat Shalom!

MARISHA: Archivist Demid. I think we fucked it up. It's fine.

TRAVIS: Demid Swanlash. Swimlash.

MATT: Demid Sunlash is who you just messaged.

MARISHA: Oh! Okay, okay, okay.

LAURA: That is the wrong person.

ASHLEY: Samsonite.

MARISHA: No, wait.

TRAVIS: I was way off.

LAURA: Wrong person.

LIAM: Caleb is hold a piece of chalk going--

LAURA: Just go, Caleb. We're good.

SAM: We just messaged the person who was researching the moon.

LIAM: Is everybody ready? Clay family, are you ready to run?

MATT: That's exactly who you messaged.

MARISHA: Yeah. Oh!

LIAM: Okay?

MARISHA: Oh, we did.

TRAVIS: I'm ready, ready, ready to run.

MARISHA: Oh no, we did.

SAM: It's fine.

LIAM: Beauregard, we are going! Eins, zwei, drei.

MARISHA: Whoops.

MATT: The circle suddenly brightly lights up and you all start running in. The whole Clay's family's like, "Whoa!" Vanishing through. You feel yourself pulled and transported, thrust through a doorway, and you all emerge in the middle of a cluttered library in the subterranean city of Uthodurn. Piling out, knocking into a table, sending books scattering across the ground. You can see a candelabra topples. The lit candles rolling across the ground, catching the edge of a book on fire. You can see a bunch of Auditors around like, "What the--! (screams)" People start freaking out, guards start putting their spears in front of them, as Glassblades start getting--

SAM: (yells)

TRAVIS: We run over and put the book out.

LIAM: (pained) Which firbolg is on me?

MARISHA: Sorry.

TALIESIN: Not me.

MARISHA: Sorry.

MATT: You see an elven woman approach. A familiar figure with short platinum, pompadour-like hair approach. You recognize the Scribewarden Ressia Uvesic. Who goes--

LIAM: Too little, too late.

MATT: (as Ressia) "What is this?"

MARISHA: Okay, here's the thing. We put, like, a four instead of a five in the, like, code--

LAURA: I sent a message to Sunlash.

MARISHA: Yeah, to Demid, but--

MATT: "He's been gone for weeks."

LAURA: Yeah, well, we didn't know that because we also have been gone for a while. So--

MATT: "Get out."

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: "Now."

TALIESIN: Fair.

ASHLEY: We are leaving.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Hey.

MATT: Cornelius is like, "Wow, this is an amazing place. Nice to meet everybody, I'm Cornelius Clay. This is my wife, Constance."

MARISHA: Don't touch anything.

MATT: "This--"

MARISHA: Don't.

MATT: "Okay, sorry. We're going. It's a beautiful place you have. I really like the atmosphere."

LIAM: Clays, this is a walk and talk.

MATT: You guys all slowly push through. People start putting the table back up and trying to get the candelabra back in place.

TRAVIS: Sorry about the books.

ASHLEY: I help on the way out, just putting things back. Sorry.

MATT: You guys eventually emerge to the exterior of the Vellum Steeple here within the Deliberation Disk of Uthodurn. You're catching a lot of attention. This is a gathering of relatively colorful firbolgs, which aren't a familiar sight in this area, as well as yourselves amongst the populace here in the middle of Uthodurn, but here you are. The rest of the Clay family is looking about and taking in the atmosphere. This is a place that some of them haven't been. Corrin goes, "It's been some time since I've visited this place. See, food here, much better than the Empire."

TALIESIN: That's true, I do remember that.

LIAM: Sorry.

TALIESIN: Well, I'm... It's nothing personal.

MATT: "It's bland."

TALIESIN: I wasn't going to say it.

LAURA: The food here is exceptionally good, though, I mean.

LIAM: To each their own.

TALIESIN: We're close to home from here. How far?

MATT: "It's a few days' journey, I think, and then we make it to the Savalirwood which, I think all of us together we should be able to traverse safely, if we're careful."

TALIESIN: Beau, would you be willing to maybe get some Cobalt protection or I don't know, just someone to.

MARISHA: Ehh.

TALIESIN: I don't know.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Just to the garden and back.

LAURA: We can see if Reani's around, maybe she would go.

MARISHA: That's kind of what I was thinking, too.

MATT: There's no Cobalt Soul archive here, this is not part of their network. You met an individual who belonged to it who was here for research and that's who Sunlash was, but there is no actual installed--

MARISHA: Actually, isn't this in, like, Reani's place?

MATT: This is where you met Reani, yeah.

LIAM: Town. This is her town.

MARISHA: No, no, but where's the circle?

MATT: Which one?

MARISHA: The one we just came through?

MATT: It's in the Vellum Temple.

MARISHA: In the Vellum Temple.

MATT: Yeah, the--

TALIESIN: Been a while.

LAURA: ♪ Been a while! ♪

MATT: The research center here in Uthodurn.

MARISHA: Okay, okay. Yeah, I mean, I guess we can try and find Reani.

SAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: Message Reani, maybe? See if she'll--

LAURA: Yeah, I'll send a message to Reani.

TALIESIN: Ask her if she'd be willing to accompany my family.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: On a mission to get them to the garden.

SAM: They're good people, right?

TALIESIN: Very. The best.

LAURA: Hi Reani!

TALIESIN: Most of them.

LAURA: We're in your town. Can you-- do you want to help go on a mission to keep Caduceus' family safe? Let me know.

MATT: Reani responds with, "I'm finishing up a run to the Savalirwood But--

LAURA: Oh!

MATT: "I could."

LAURA: Ooh! Oh! I wonder when she'll be back. She's finishing up a run to Savalirwood.

MATT: "I couldn't meet them somewhere."

LAURA: Oh, hey, that's good.

TALIESIN: That'll do.

LAURA: She can meet them somewhere. Where should they meet her? So I can tell her.

TALIESIN: Ask her to pick a point to meet.

LAURA: And then when?

TALIESIN: As soon as possible.

LAURA: Okay, ask her whether she-- and then I waste another fucking spell. What if I just tell her where to go?

TALIESIN: I suppose to meet at the edge of town. Or we had an inn, didn't we?

MATT: You have a map, too, of the Greying Wildlands

SAM: Where's the map?

LAURA: Where's the map? (high-pitched) Hey, man! Where's the map?

TRAVIS: Nope.

MATT: Nope.

TRAVIS: Nope.

MATT: (laughs)

TALIESIN: So many maps.

MATT: There, that's the one.

LAURA: Eyy!

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: All right.

SAM: Where's Utha?

MARISHA: We're here.

SAM: Where's-- Savalirwood's down.

MARISHA: It's--

LIAM: Savalirwood. Which is huge.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah.

LAURA: Is there an inn at the lake or along the river?

SAM: An inn?

MATT: You're being really helpful, Travis.

SAM: Is there a big--

MARISHA: Can they meet at the lake? Just-- that's a huge fucking lake.

SAM: That's huge.

LAURA: Is there a famous bridge or something to traverse the river?

TALIESIN: I would just have her meet them in the city.

MARISHA: Maybe they just wait here.

LAURA: Yeah, let's just wait here.

MARISHA: Ask her we can let them into their house.

LAURA: That's weird.

TALIESIN: No.

SAM: We could rent them rooms.

LAURA: Yeah, let's rent some rooms at an inn here.

MARISHA: I'm just being thrifty.

SAM: Sure, sure. That's important.

LAURA: We know an inn here, we stayed in it.

MATT: Yeah, you know a few inns.

LIAM: We'll go to the inn that we stayed at last.

LAURA: Yeah, what's the name of it?

MARISHA: Which is definitely--

SAM: The Plexus Post, nope.

MARISHA: Nope.

SAM: The Tumbled Tankards? The Broken Stool.

MARISHA: Hang on.

SAM: The--

MARISHA: Where--

SAM: We went to that bakery this--

LAURA: I know, I'm going to go get some.

MARISHA: Tumbled Tankards? Is that what you said?

MATT: Tumbled Tankards is a dive bar.

SAM: Yeah. Plexus Post is--

MATT: I don't think you've been there.

SAM: I think that's a selling place.

MARISHA: Plexus Post is a collector's guild. Something involving Master Ava.

MATT: Yeah, the Plexus Post was--

SAM: The Broken Stool.

MATT: I would say, you could probably-- probably garnish a room at the Tumbled Tankards.

MARISHA: Wait, what's the Tumblecarves? Oh wait, is that different? Did I--

LIAM: This is gripping.

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Yep. Broken Stool or the Tumbled Tankards, you could probably get a room at.

LAURA: Okay, let's do that.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that or somewhere nicer.

LAURA: As soon as I know what inn, I'm going to tell Reani to meet them at that inn.

SAM: Tumbled Tank.

LAURA: They're getting a room--

MATT: Tumbled Tankards is a lot, shiftier.

SAM: Broken Stool.

MATT: Broken Stool's a little more rowdier.

LAURA: Broken Stool.

MARISHA: Wait, what? Shifty versus rowdy?

MATT: Yeah, welcome to Uthodurn.

LAURA: Let's do rowdy.

MARISHA: They can handle rowdy. Rowdy is better than shifty.

LIAM: Excuse me, young lady.

MATT: Just a random young lady or--

LIAM: Yeah, I'm sorry. Can you point us to, like, a respectable inn? A nicer one, you know, high end in the city?

MATT: So you just got a random--

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: -- woman walking by. All right. This dwarf woman turns to you and is like, "Um, respectable?"

LIAM: On the nicer end. A place where we can put up a fair number of people.

SAM: Like, nothing with an inn.

LAURA: You know, like, family members that you're trying to impress.

SAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm going to take them to the Phantom later.

MATT: "How much you looking to spend, and how many family?"

LAURA: Quite a few family, but you know.

LIAM: All of these tall ones.

LAURA: Not too much money because we're we don't have a lot of money.

TALIESIN: I don't mind, I'll have money.

SAM: What the fuck are you talking about?

LAURA: I don't want her to know we have money.

LIAM: We have the gold to spend.

MATT: "You could probably try the Underrest in the Grand Disk down below. That's usually reserved for, like, visiting family of any noble born folk or individuals that are traveling from a long journey, it sometimes--"

MARISHA: Why don't we just go to the Tumbled Tankards?

TALIESIN: Tumbled Tankards.

LAURA: Broken Stool. Broken Stool, that's the rowdy one.

MARISHA: Okay, Broken Stool. Yeah, let's just go to the Broken Stool.

SAM: We're cheaping out with Caduceus' newly alive family.

MARISHA: We're not-- they're not nobles.

TALIESIN: They wouldn't even know what to do with that.

MARISHA: Exactly.

SAM: Give them a nice night in a hotel!

LIAM: What about a happy medium?

MARISHA: No.

LIAM: Not, like, a dive bar, but not the nicest place.

LAURA: Oh my god!

LIAM: Rustic.

MATT: "You're probably looking for the Broken Stool."

MARISHA: The Broken Stool it is!

LIAM: Everyone's talking about it. Let's go.

TALIESIN: All right.

MATT: "Fucking Dwendalian kids," and stumbles off.

LAURA: I'm going to send a message to Reani. We're putting Caduceus' family at The Broken Stool. As soon as you get back, will you meet them here and then they'll go to the Savalirwood.

MATT: (laughs) "Yeah, I guess, I mean, probably should be fine, I've been there for a while. I think we'll be good. They're nice people, right? They're good?"

LAURA: (scoffs) I'll use another spell. Oh my gosh, Reani, they're so good. You're going to really like them. They're cool. Also, I'm going to get you some cupcakes, I love you.

MATT: "Cool." That's it.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: K.

MARISHA: Yeah. K.

LAURA: I'm going to get her some cupcakes.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: I'm going to get me some cupcakes, I'm going to get an extra dozen cupcakes. In addition to those two dozen cupcakes, So I'm getting three dozen cupcakes.

MATT: That's a lot of cupcakes.

MARISHA: Isn't this where you get those black moss?

LAURA: That's what I'm fucking getting.

MARISHA: Yeah, get those, I've been craving those!

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All righty, I'd say between for all those batches that'll cost you, I'll surmise, like, five silver. They're not that expensive.

TALIESIN: I'll pay for whatever rooms we have. It's fine for as long as it needs.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: Beau goes up to Fjord while Jester's checking out. Hey.

TRAVIS: Hmm.

MARISHA: How you doing?

TRAVIS: Good.

MARISHA: Yeah?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: How you feeling about things? This is a weird time to have this conversation. I feel like we have, like, five minutes before Jester comes out, or like...

TRAVIS: What things?

MARISHA: I don't know. I just want to check in.

TRAVIS: I feel fine.

MARISHA: Yeah. How do you feel about this Traveler thing? Are you a little concerned?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Not particularly sold. I think it's weird that Nott just jumping in?

MARISHA: Why didn't you want to go with the Traveler? I mean, aside from all of the obvious reasons that I know why you didn't go with the Traveler. But like--

TRAVIS: You mean, other than, him revealing himself and saying, "I'm not a god?"

MARISHA: Yeah, I mean, that's huge.

TRAVIS: That's a big one.

MARISHA: Yeah. I mean, it's been shifty from the beginning, right?

TRAVIS: Yeah, a little bit. I also, you know, prefer a little bit more stability in my deities.

MARISHA: Yeah. I was just wondering if we should be concerned with her safety, or, if like, this guy is taking advantage of her.

TRAVIS: 100%.

MARISHA: He absolutely is.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's not a question.

MARISHA: Should we kick his ass?

TRAVIS: No.

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: No, not yet.

MARISHA: Yeah, all right.

TRAVIS: No, you tame that and then we see where it goes. I mean, Jester has done a fantastic job.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: She pieced a person together.

MARISHA: Yeah, that was insane. I thought that was a fucking nightmare.

TRAVIS: Me too, I thought it was going to be like (spraying)

MARISHA: I thought he was going to be like (gurgles) from his seams, yeah.

TRAVIS: I thought so, too, yeah. But no.

MARISHA: No.

TRAVIS: She really pulled it off.

MARISHA: I think she might be, like, more of a god than this fuckhead is.

TRAVIS: Jester?

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: A god?

MARISHA: I'm not saying, like, she's a god. I'm just saying, like, she's always like, "Oh, you know, the Traveler, he's so powerful," and, like, she doesn't know that maybe she's more powerful than he is. I mean, do you think or am I just, like, blindsided by bias.

TRAVIS: Yes, a little bit of that. Also, I don't really know, he just seems to appear out of nowhere. None of us can do that. But as long as she's not being hurt, then I guess I'm okay. She's doing great things with it. The dicks everywhere not, you know, hmm. And you know, desecrating people's beds that haven't been in them in 10 years. Not the best.

MARISHA: Hmm. Yeah, okay.

TRAVIS: But you know, again, no one's really been in there, so it's okay.

MARISHA: I mean, fuck those people, whatever.

TRAVIS: How do you feel about the Traveler?

MARISHA: I...

TRAVIS: You want to kick his ass.

MARISHA: Yeah, I mean, he has a face I want to punch. His curly fucking red hair and he's like, "I don't want to do it." Like, I hate you.

TRAVIS: I'm giving you permission, go ahead and punch him.

MARISHA: No, you're setting me up for fucking failure.

TRAVIS: I mean, yes, but I think you should do it. I mean, how are we going to know how he's going to react unless someone does it. I could try and punch him, but I'd just embarrass myself.

MARISHA: Wait, so you want me to do it?

TRAVIS: Yes, it's better than me.

MARISHA: Yeah. All right, we'll see how this shit plays out.

TRAVIS: You're punching the next time you see him.

MARISHA: Of cause.

TRAVIS: Promise?

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Excellent.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay. Jester, hey, how are your cupcakes?

MATT: As you emerge with your cupcakes.

LAURA: Cuppycakes, two dozen of cuppycakes.

MARISHA: Hell, yeah, give me one of those now.

MATT: You go ahead and set up number of rooms at The Broken Stool. How long you want to pay these?

TALIESIN: I'll have it paid, I don't know how long it's going to take, but just in case, I'll just put two weeks. That seems--

MATT: Okay, two weeks, we'll say, about three rooms for them. That's a gold and a half per day. So...

SAM: 400 gold.

LIAM: That's was an intense Jay and Silent Bob energy, by the way.

MATT: That's 20 goldish.

LAURA: Wait, I thought you said a gold and half a day.

MATT: For two weeks, yeah.

LAURA: Oh, two weeks.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: I was thinking three weeks.

TALIESIN: 20 gold, all right.

MATT: Okay, as you get the rooms situated in this rowdy place. There's, like, shouting and laughter and even as you guys walk through some folks notice but they don't really care. They've begun already, at this point, preparing for the day's work with a quick drink and a quick song and a laugh and a boisterous exit. You make it up to the rooms and, the Clay family divvy outs the spaces amongst their-- and like, the siblings all here are older, but there's a sweet innocence to the fact that their relationships and interactions are almost never developed beyond that adolescent relationship that they had with their parents with their parents with their kids.

TALIESIN: That's what happens when you're homeschooled. Okay. No.

MATT: Yeah. But as they all go about the rooms and you guys let them know about.

TALIESIN: I'm going to go find my parents and my aunt.

MATT: Yeah, they've all situated and turned back in. (as Cornelius) "Oh, hi, Caduceus, my boy."

TALIESIN: It's been 10 years.

MATT: Constance steps forward.

TALIESIN: Feels like more. I was alone for a very long time.

MATT: (as Constance) "I'm so sorry we left you, honey."

TALIESIN: Have you-- There's no blame and no-- I chose to be the last to stay. I thought that was what I was supposed to do, but I was wrong. I was not the last to stay.

MATT: "But if you weren't the last to stay, you wouldn't have met these people you've traveled with. You were there with them at that moment because that's where you were supposed to be. That was where she brought you. And because of that, we're all together again. Please don't, don't carry the weight of our mistakes upon your shoulders."

TALIESIN: I don't, I've-- I had no idea what it was like, past those walls, really. It's... (exhales) testing.

MATT: "That it is."

TALIESIN: I'm not done with it. I miss home, but I owe such a debt and not a... Even to the Wild Mother herself I owe. I owe it to these people to see them through. Not to the end of everything, but I... I don't feel equal to what they've given yet. And I think I can, and I think some of them especially still need me. I'm so sorry.

MATT: "Don't be." (as Cornelius) "Caduceus, don't be. Sincerely. We always kind of took comfort in knowing that no matter how excitable and wanderlust-filled your brothers and the sisters were, you were always the one that stayed with us at home. But we knew that wasn't going to last forever, and, I mean, look at you. I don't think I've ever seen you stand so tall before."

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: "You got scars!"

TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah, quite a few.

MATT: "Yeah, where'd that one come from?"

TALIESIN: Oh!

MATT: "It's like a spider web scar. It's impressive."

TALIESIN: Thank you. That was a-- that was a spider. God, there's been so many. So many.

MATT: "I'll tell you what. Each of us and your aunt, we've had our experiences in the world, and we've had our own tales to tell when we were going to come home. And we get to go home now, thanks to you. When you do come home. Bring your stories, too. I think we all want to hear about them."

TALIESIN: I will. I-- These people, I can't wait to share them with you.

MATT: "They're very weird. Like us."

TALIESIN: I will admit, I hope that some of them choose to come back when it's time. I would love to see what grows.

MATT: "Well.

TALIESIN: I know I can say that to you, but I'd never say that to them. (chuckles)

MATT: "If the winds are strong, maybe it'll carry them back to us, at the very least for a visit. We got plenty of tea."

TALIESIN: I'm going to-- I'm going to say goodbye to the idiots and I'll be home soon.

MATT: "Come here. I'm proud of you."

TALIESIN: Got a friend who's coming to take you guys home. She'll be good.

MATT: "Is she also kind of weird?"

TALIESIN: (exhales)

MATT: "Great, I'm excited."

TALIESIN: You'll like her. A lot.

MATT: Constance goes, "Take care of yourself, sweetie, okay. Thank you. Don't tell your siblings, but I think you're the only one who could've done this."

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: (as Cornelius) She means you're her favorite right now.

MATT: (as Constance) "I did not say that."

TALIESIN: I know, and it's going to be so hard not to tell them.

MATT: "I did not say that." (laughter) Corrin leans in and goes, "I'll make sure they get back fine and in one piece as well."

TALIESIN: I trust you. Thank you for everything.

MATT: "Thank that Jester girl for me, if you don't mind. From what it seems, she's the only reason I'm here."

TALIESIN: She is... so much. I will.

MATT: As you exit out, the rest of your family are all in the process of catching up a little bit and telling stories. As you can enter the room, they all stop and turn. You can see Calliope sit up and give you a respectful nod. Colton is still like, shoulders sunken a bit, feels like he-- you've known him to be the one that wanted to be the hero of the family and he's been taken down a few pegs by this whole experience and wears it like a shamed dog. Then there's Clarabelle, who's in the process of collecting the odd bugs in the corner of the room and putting them in a small jar. They all look towards you. (as Clarabelle) "You got the look like you're leaving."

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm not going home just yet. I got a little bit more to do. It's going to be a rough road and I've only got one friend who's going to be seeing everybody home. Trusting you to all take care of auntie and mom and dad.

MATT: Colton stands up. "I got it, don't worry. I'll protect them, keep them safe. I think Calliope'll back me up on that." Calliope's like, "Yeah, sure. I'll back him up."

TALIESIN: I give my brother the pat hug.

MATT: Yeah. (pat pat)

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Calliope gives you the...

TALIESIN: I walk over and give Calliope a big hug.

MATT: She's like, "Agh."

TALIESIN: Whisper in her ear: The whistle tonight for me.

MATT: You see her grin curl up on the side as she looks over towards Colton.

TALIESIN: And Clarabelle?

MATT: Clarabelle is already there in front of you like waiting next in line and just gives you this big hug right around your waist and holds you for a second. Backs up and goes. "I got you something." She hands you the jar filled with all sorts of insects.

LAURA: (scarfing)

TALIESIN: I'm going to--

MATT: They're all just, like, crawling.

TALIESIN: Let them crawl up into the staff.

MATT: And they do.

TALIESIN: And up my back and let them go everywhere, in my ear.

MATT: She's like, "(giggles)"

TALIESIN: I got to you something.

MATT: "What'd you get me?"

TALIESIN: I'm going to get the big straw hat out of the back of my-- just bury her in it.

MATT: (thudding) Pulls it up a little bit so you can just see her eyes peeping underneath. She goes, "It smells weird."

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: "I like it."

TALIESIN: It's been around. Keep you incognito on your travel.

MATT: "Incognito." Pulls back over eyes again, turns and walks into her sister.

TALIESIN: I'll be home soon. Thank you. I love you all very much.

MATT: You see Clarabelle turns around and goes, "Love you, Caduceus." Calliope goes, "Love you, brother." And Colton just goes...

TALIESIN: You too. And I close the door and walk back downstairs. All right.

MARISHA: You have a lot of siblings, dude.

TALIESIN: Big family.

MARISHA: Your parents fucked.

TALIESIN: It's true. It was small house.

LAURA: (screeches)

MARISHA: Wait. We're going to unpack that later.

(laughs)

TALIESIN: Nothing wired about that, I don't know what--

MARISHA: No, we'll unpack that later. Okay.

TALIESIN: What's next?

SAM: What is next?

LAURA: Oh, well, I have one thing.

SAM: What?

LAURA: I want to cast the 6th-level spell.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: Okay, what are you casting?

LAURA: Planar Ally.

SAM: Ooh!

LAURA: I'm going to beseech the Traveler for a person that can help me out.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: A very mobile messenger, if you will.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Achilles?

LAURA: Somebody that can get around really fast. Doesn't have to be a fighter just something that can travel.

MATT: So you're-- you're spending-- spending 10 minutes summoning a Planar Ally in the middle of The Broken Stool.

LAURA: I'm going to, you know, go maybe into one of the rooms that Caduceus rented while he's talking to all his family. I'll go into another one of the rooms.

MATT: Okay. All right, you beseech the Traveler and what are you requesting? Like--

LAURA: I'm going to say: Hey, man, I got special-- Oops. A special favor that I would like. Okay, if you know a creature that can fly. You know, like flying unicorns, you know, how they're really cool and maybe something that can move around really fast, maybe something that can teleport. They don't have to take me. Something they can just move around really fast and just wondering if you can help me out. It could be you, if it's not too big of a deal. I mean, I know you're really busy and stuff, but this is super important, so.

MATT: All right, give me a second.

(laughs)

TALIESIN: What are you doing? Better luck pulling this up on D&D Beyond. (laughter) Because, I can actually search by type there. You can talk amongst yourselves.

(laughter)

SAM: Guys. At PAX East.

MATT: No, Sam, no.

TALIESIN: No. No.

SAM: Check out the Elderwood Academy booth. Where Dwarven Forge will be displaying their next Kickstarter, Wildlands.

MARISHA: (New York accent) Boston, right? It's in Boston.

SAM and MARISHA: (Boston accent) In Boston.

LAURA: Hey you guys, we're going to do a live show this week.

SAM: Oh my gosh!

ASHLEY: Oh boy.

SAM: Oh my gosh!

LIAM: We have got new comic book out. It's pretty good. Hot cover.

LAURA: Hot.

MATT: I can't remember the--

ASHLEY: (like the Hot Pockets jingle) ♪ Hot cover! ♪

LIAM: Got that de Rolo action in there.

SAM: Hot de Rolo action.

LIAM: Yep.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: Somebody that can bamf a lot, maybe go, like--

MATT: No.

LAURA: Transport via Plants, do something crazy, something that can move, you know?

TRAVIS: What are you doing?

LAURA: Something not tied to this.

TALIESIN: Has anyone seen Jester?

MATT: Trying to search--

SAM: For the fastest creature in D&D.

LAURA: Or just you know, the Traveler. It could be the Traveler.

SAM: A cheetah shows up.

LAURA: He's got to know some sort of other feytastic creature that can move through plants, I figure. Something.

MATT: Okay, I think I got something.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: You're grinning. Oh no.

MATT: As you focus for a second and the words go out the voice responds with, "Hello dear."

LAURA: Hi!

MATT: "I'm a bit, I'm preoccupied at the moment, but I think I've got an idea of someone that could help you."

LAURA: Oh great!

MATT: "Just give me a moment. (sighs)" And you hear this (whooshing). You look over, and this tiny doorway opens next to you, run very reminiscent of the holy symbol of the Traveler. See this interesting verdant green-turquoise color filter in the other space. And you see emerge from it this three foot, weirdly, elf-goblin hybrid is the best way you can really describe it. The creature is lithe, long limbs, pointed ears, a dull gray skin. It's about, I'd say, two or so two and a half feet tall. Its physical form itself. (laughter) As it looks at you, it has no hair. Its eyes are mostly white with a very, very faint pupil. It looks kind of creepy, honestly. But also weirdly pretty in some ways. It's wearing a very faint bit of tattered clothing on it and as it emerges, it, "(panting) I have been sent to help you."

LAURA: Wow! What's your name?

MATT: "Tevas."

LAURA: Tevas, I'm Jester, nice to meet you.

MATT: He's already, like, right there, grabbing your hand.

LAURA: Hi--

MATT: He shakes it and his hand blurs a little bit.

LAURA: Okay, so I need a favor.

MATT: "Yes."

LAURA: Can you bamf between planes or worlds or plants? Or can you just walk around really fast?

MATT: "More of the latter."

LAURA: Oh, wow! Okay, well, I've got a favor. Maybe could have done this in a closer location. Huh, that would have been smart. Okay, so I pull out my dozen cupcakes that I just got.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: In a little bag, I wrap it up and put it around their shoulder. Okay, and I'm going to draw map to the hag.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I love you.

LAURA: I want them, I'm going to tell Tevas to deliver it. You don't have to go up to the hut. Trust me, don't go up to the hut, okay. Just get past the brambles and then leave it. Okay?

MATT: "Okay, all right."

LAURA: Here's the map.

MATT: "(sniffing)"

LAURA: All right. You are really cool and I believe in you and-- do you want anything to help you on your journey, are you good are you safe, are you okay?

MATT: "Can I have one?"

LAURA: Here, let me give you-- I don't want you to take anything from this dozen but here, have one of these.

MATT: Like, you don't even see the hand moving. Into the mouth and all over the somewhat knife-looking teeth. (slurps)

LAURA: What do you think?

MATT: "(chewing) Ha ha!" Pretty good, huh?

MATT: "Yeah!"

SAM: Whoa!

LAURA: You know, come back after you deliver those and I'll give you some more. All right.

MATT: And just is gone out of the room.

LAURA: Wow, thank you. That was cool, he's cool. I want to see where it came from. I want to see some more of those someday. Okay.

TALIESIN: Gather everyone downstairs.

SAM: Well.

TALIESIN: It's time that we were moving.

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: Where are we in our timetable?

MATT: I'd say, traveling through the city, I think it's probably midday, early afternoon.

MARISHA: I think he meant, like, a grand scale.

SAM: How many days until the meeting at sea?

MATT: Let me check specifically.

TALIESIN: We could get to the boat today, if we wanted.

LAURA: That's true. We could bamf to Nicodranas, yeah.

SAM: It's one of our only options, really.

TALIESIN: That's the way to go.

MATT: You are approximately four weeks away.

LAURA: From Traveler Con?

TRAVIS: From the meeting.

MATT: From Traveler Con. From the meeting--

SAM: It's like three weeks.

LAURA: We're only like--

MATT: You're about three weeks out.

LAURA: Three weeks out, okay. It's going to take some time on the sea. So.

SAM: We have to get on that boat.

LAURA: Get to Nicodranas and sail out, yeah?

MARISHA: Is Orly meeting us and Nicodranas? He is, right?

SAM: Yeah.

LIAM: We told him to wait there.

SAM: I think so.

MATT: Yeah, you didn't give him any sort of additional messages to send him anywhere else.

MARISHA: Ho, ho, ho, Nicodranas.

TALIESIN: I'm coming with everyone, so.

MARISHA: Yes, let's go.

TALIESIN: I am-- I know I'm loved at home, but I feel that I'm needed here.

MARISHA: Yeah, you are. Wait, were you questioning that? Don't question that, that's dumb. Come with us.

TALIESIN: I'm not done yet.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: No.

TALIESIN: Thank you all. I get to return home one way or another to... to a home restored.

LIAM: We'll just be grateful for the Wild Mother to lend you to us for a bit more time.

TALIESIN: I think that is definitely her plan.

LIAM: All right, well, I'm not going to do it in the common room here.

TALIESIN: Let's take a walk.

LIAM: Yeah, in typically Mighty Nein fashion, we'll go find an alleyway.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: I will draw it up on the floor, on the ground.

MATT: You manage to guard it off, like an impromptu bouncer, the friends trying to keep it chill, but also prevent anyone from going through.

MARISHA: Nott.

SAM: What?

MARISHA: You going to stay, for a bit? Keep the crew together.

SAM: Yeah, I'm coming with you guys, yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah. Just, you know.

SAM: Who would be willingly offer to split off from the party by themselves?

LAURA: Yeah, that's so stupid.

MARISHA: What a dumb idea.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Super lame.

LAURA: All of us together. We all have to be high priests, y'all.

MARISHA: Wait, what?

TRAVIS: Sorry?

SAM and LAURA: Let's go!

(laughter)

LIAM: I will start the spell. (methodical chalk line drawing) 11 minutes later. All righty.

(laughter)

MATT: All righty. You guys all gather together, stepping through the circle in the middle of the alleyway here in Uthodurn. The subterranean warmer temperature, immediately giving away from the darkness beneath to the bright, open, blue sky of the sunset of Nicodranas. The orange horizon greets you with dappled bits of distant wispy clouds, the smell of ocean, clear, soon to arrive evening air. You hear music and can see the warm lanterns now alit along the rows of the streets here as you guys have arrived in Nicodranas. Within the interior of Yussa's tower.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Oh, shit.

LAURA: Yeah, man.

MARISHA: Why do we keep forgetting this?

SAM: Eh, it's our thing now.

MARISHA: Fuck!

MATT: You'll get to experience that stuff, once you step outside of the tower, but we'll be picking that up next week at our live show. We'll see where it goes there now that's happening.

SAM: Chicago.

MARISHA: The Windy City on the high seas.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: City by the bay.

MARISHA: Nope.

SAM: So nice.

MARISHA: Not.

SAM: They named it twice.

MARISHA: No, that's not-- Two different--

TALIESIN: I think they just named it once.

SAM: Big Ben.

MATT: Jesus. Yeah, we'll pick up-- Pick up fresh in the Menagerie Coast. Probably gathering the Balleater and whatever you guys want to take it from there. To the Lucidian Ocean towards the negotiation between the two warring nations.

MARISHA: Oh boy!

MATT: And the looming promise of Traveler Con. We'll see you guys live next week at 6:00pm Pacific, 8:00pm Central. I think it is, or those who see it at the live show at C2E2. Until then, have a wonderful week. We love you very much, and this is Thursday yet? Good night!

(dramatic music)