Transcript:Lingering Wounds

Pre-show
MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

ALL: We play Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT: We are in our last episode of 2019.

SAM: Oh.

ASHLEY: What?

MATT: Yeah, last session before we leave for the holidays, so--

ASHLEY: But I just got here.

MATT: I know.We'll be back next year.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

MATT: Which is only in a few weeks.

LIAM: Just 12 more months.

MATT: Exactly. But before we get into tonight's session, we do have some announcements to get through, beginning with the first of our two fantastic sponsors for the evening, a returning friend of the show, Backblaze!

ALL: Backblaze!

MATT: Sam, if you don't mind?

SAM: This episode is sponsored by our good friends at Backblaze. Yev is in the studio hawking their premium backup technology for both Mac and PC, unlimited online backup for all your fanfic, docs, artwork, music, pics, vids-- that's how the kids say it and it starts at just six dollars a month. You can also recover files from anywhere on the go and they go directly to the iOS or Android app or you can order a hard drive with all your stuff and Backblaze will ship it to you overnight. Which reminds me, I recently had a computer hard drive crash and they sent me my hard drive and while I was restoring everything, getting it back up and running, I found an old file that I had forgotten about from far away. I was shocked to find an old script for an anime trailer that was produced in the mid 90s. Turns out a Japanese studio did an anime-style remake of Gale Force Five, you know, the popular film starring sitcom icon, Gale, as played as Ashley Johnson. Now, this was an animated remake so some of the things won't seem as familiar to an American audience.

ASHLEY: I forgot that I was the one that starred in this.

SAM: You did do this. But I thought--

LIAM: It's your responsibility.

SAM: But I thought we could just do a dramatic reading of the trailer script that I found on my hard drive, thanks to Backblaze, and it's just for the people at home. Yeah, so you guys have some scripts to read and there'll be some musical accompaniment. And you know what? Let's take it away, guys! (sinister music)

LIAM: From the studio that brought you Mobile Virgin Boy Senpai, Mega Princess Bluesy Shippuden, and Kazaam, comes a brand new anime adventure. Mid 90s.

MATT: Gale-kun, you're a transfer student. Want to get some ramen at the Maid Cafe?

ASHLEY: I want to, but I've been feelin' strange powers growing inside me and I need to do my best to discover my hidden destiny below the cram school, huh?

MATT: Nani?

(laughter)

LIAM: An ordinary girl with a pet cat named Neko and a powerful secret.

MARISHA: (screams) A giant alien robot is attacking the hot springs! Our club meeting is ruined, oh!

ASHLEY: I need to stop them. I call on you, Ultimate Kaneko Vampire Stalker, unleash my final form!

(laughter)

LIAM: With the power of friendship, Gale can transform into a mecha mutant student council vice president.

LAURA: You will never defeat me, Gale-san. (evil laugh) For I am Hender-san, a four-story tall Gundam and you are a helpless high school junior with a nosebleed!

ASHLEY: Gag me with a chopstick, Hender-san! Rah!

LIAM: Coming to theaters, it's Her Miracle Bebop NeoGale 2047. This winter, get Galed.

TRAVIS: Ooh!

SAM: Very nice, guys. Very nice.

ASHLEY: I would remember this.

SAM: You would have watched that in the mid 90s.

LAURA: I would have watched that--

SAM: Had they ever made it.

LAURA: Yeah, I feel like it--

TRAVIS: Your anime reactions are tip-top.

TALIESIN: That was solid, that was solid.

ASHLEY: I have a lot of experience, so.

SAM: But thanks to Backblaze for helping me find that old script and don't forget, guys, you can get a 15-day fully-featured trial right now at Backblaze.com, slash huh? No, Backblaze.com/CriticalRole and start protecting your stuff today thanks to Yev, thanks to Backblaze.

(cheering)

TRAVIS: Backblaze!

MARISHA: Backblaze!

TALIESIN: Oh, god!

TRAVIS: We're sorry.

(laughter)

MATT: I'm excited for the Kojima remake of that in seven years.

LIAM: Look, man, those last 15 years have to be for something.

MATT: It's true, it's true, we've all earned our-- (gasping and grunting)

LIAM: (anime scream)

(laughter)

MATT: Our second sponsor tonight are our friends returning from the beginning all the way through to now and campaign two, D&D Beyond.

TRAVIS: D&D Beyond!

MATT: They're amazing folks, doing great stuff. They have a special offer for the holiday season, where they are offering 15% off individual digital books, including Eberron: Rising from the Last War, their recent campaign, and D&D vs. Rick and Morty, as well.

TRAVIS and LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: So go check all that out now at dndbeyond.link/happyholidays. Thank you guys so much--

ASHLEY: ♪ Got your perfect warlock. ♪

(laughter)

MATT: Yeah!

SAM: I haven't heard that rendition yet.

TRAVIS: Ashley just woke up.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Everything sounds bad because my voice right now. I'm going to be singing all night.

MATT: And Sam made you power up. Nothing like a good friend.

SAM: ♪ Got your perfect warlock. ♪

(laughter)

MATT: Love you, Ashley. (laughter) Well, thank you very much, D&D Beyond, for supporting our awesome show and go check out their stuff, if you haven't yet. But the announcements to get through beyond that. Yesterday, we hosted our special End of the Year Fireside Chat here on our Critical Role Twitch channel. A bunch of us showed up in comfy clothes, chatted with chat, answered some questions and then played a bunch of Jackbox, which was ridiculous. But yeah, if you missed the livestream, the VOD's available now on our Twitch channel, if you're a subscriber, and it'll be on YouTube tomorrow morning, so check it out then. Kick off your holiday with that chaos. Also, we mentioned it last week, but issue four of our comic book series, Vox Machina Origins, is now out. It came out yesterday in your local comic book shops, or you can get them online.

LAURA: Grog does look good in that picture.

LIAM: Quintessential Grog and the twins in there. Quintessential.

MATT: You can find it at your local comic stores or you can find it at Dark Horse Digital or Comixology, other great places where comic books are found. Once again, amazing art from our longtime artist, Ariana-- or Olivia, sorry, Olivia Sampson is amazing. Jody Houser, fantastic writer, and the art here on the cover, you can see Sam Hogg did this amazing cover for this art piece, but check it out if you haven't yet. It's awesome. We're also off for the next two weeks for the holiday break. We're going to be taking some time for ourselves, for our families, and a lot of sleep.

TRAVIS: I'm going to kill Santa!

LAURA: No! (laughter)

MARISHA: Chutney lives!

SAM: Chutney's back!

MATT: Bloodshed's still needed.

TRAVIS: (elderly voice) You should've killed me when you had the chance!

(laughter)

MATT: Okay, that took a turn. We'll be back here to pick up where tonight's episode lands off on Thursday, January 9th at seven PM Pacific. I know, I know, we're all hitting that wall. (laughs) But thank you guys so much for your amazing support of everything that we've been trying to do and build here at the channel. We've got a bunch of really exciting things to show you guys coming very soon in the new year. I can't wait to do so, but have a wonderful magical holiday. Rock it out, we'll see you guys in 2020, but first we do have an episode to get to. But Travis, you have an announcement.

TRAVIS: Oh, yes, some of you have noticed that some of our content has started migrating over to our official CR channels and that takes just a little bit of time, because our content is pretty long.

MARISHA: It's real long.

TRAVIS: So it takes just a little bit. We promise we will get it to you as soon as possible, a couple days, hopefully, and we thank you very much for your patience. Love ya!

MARISHA: Ding!

TRAVIS: Ding!

MARISHA: Ding!

MATT: All righty, so with that being said, let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

(water bubbling) (thunder rumbling) (explosion) ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Mighty Nein, Mighty Nein ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role the dice ♪ ♪ Role the dice, dice, dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware 'cause you're 'bout to be dead ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don't see over there ♪ ♪ There's a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting ♪ ♪ Rise up, don't think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands, take a chance ♪ ♪ roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Roll, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Roll, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Roll, Critical ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call? ♪ ♪ Dig in deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it's your turn, your turn, your turn ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (fire burns) (dragon roars)

Part I
MATT: Welcome back. (laughter) Motherfuckers. Last we left off, the Mighty Nein, after having their showdown with the Cult of the Angel of Irons, destroying Obann, the Laughing Hand, and freeing Yasha and the Inevitable End from his influence. You were taken to the throne room of King Dwendal. And upon meeting members of his council and the assembly, you were tasked to prove yourselves a bit by helping at least bring some sort of arrangement between them and the dynasty together to essentially help ford a possible peace talk or negotiation in this conflict that's been going on for quite some time, based on the relationship that you have seemingly built with the Bright Queen. You were brought under Ludinus Da'leth, the Martinet and oldest member of the Assembly, who then spoke with you in his private quarters about elements of the conflict, some of the source of the tension that has led and eventually brewed into the war that broke out. You were given a little bit of guidance as to how much you were to guide the next step in this. You then went back to your... Or, you were asked, as part of this arrangement, to inspect the beacon that was supposedly found by the word of Trent Ikithon. As such, you were brought by Ludinus to the Vergesson Sanatorium, a hidden structure somewhere in the northern elements of Western Wynandir, where you were brought to a subterranean research facility, where you met Trent Ikithon as well as two of his Scourgers, one of which was familiar to Caleb. You inspected it, found it to seemingly be, indeed, an actual beacon. Had a bit of a tense back and forth interrogation via conversation, and then upon returning to Rexxentrum, began to forge a few paths with the time that you had given. It was up to you as to when to choose to engage and begin these negotiations. There was no timeline set, but time is of the essence, for the more time that goes by, the higher chance there is of this temporary ceasefire to be broken. So you guys, after voicing a few possible interests here in the city of Rexxentrum, you now stand in your chambers, we'll say, within the Camarouth Cottage, figuring out what to do with the time you have. So Mighty Nein, after venturing back from some purchasing at a nearby creepy store and having some conversation about what the next order of business is, you are still gathered and the city is yours. What would you like to do?

TALIESIN: I'm going to spend a couple days working on my bone flute.

TRAVIS: Yeah, no, that's good.

SAM: Your bone flute? Oh, that's right.

MATT: That's the new euphemism.

MARISHA: Workin' on your bone flute.

TALIESIN: I was looking forward to that right there.

ASHLEY: I would like to find a garden somewhere and start reading my book as much as I can for the next couple days, and then also maybe get some therapy at night, by going to some fighting with peoples, but we'll figure that out. But I would like to get as much reading in as I can.

MATT: Okay. All right, so, easy enough to find a garden, actually. In the Shimmer Ward, where you guys are staying, there are a number of public gardens that are just out for general meandering for those who live in the space or are guests of it. So not too far from the cottage where you guys are staying, you find one beautiful kind of, almost five-pointed pentagonal garden that has these various intersecting walking paths made of beautiful cobblestones and larger stones that situate themselves between art sculptures and statues and some trees that rise up. It's very beautiful and a contrast to a lot of the areas of Rexxentrum on the outskirts of this particular region. But you can take some time to read your book. How much time would you like to take?

ASHLEY: (sighs) Let's see. Let me think about that.

MATT: Okay. All right, you're working on your bone flute.

TALIESIN: It sounds-- it's a death whistle, basically. You've just handed me.

MATT: Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: That's amazing.

TALIESIN: Just sitting in probably another park and... (ragged high-pitched scream) (laughter)

MATT: For those who haven't heard--

LAURA: The same park. Yasha's like--

ASHLEY: I just keep moving.

MATT: I believe it was the Aztec. The Aztec death whistle.

LIAM: It just sounds like goats screaming.

MATT: Yeah, yeah, it's meant to sound like a person screaming in a shrill voice and they would have many many of them supposedly blowing at once as they were charging into battle as an intimidation tactic. They carved a skull so you could blow in the back of. It's awesome.

TALIESIN: It's amazing.

MATT: It's rad, yeah.

TRAVIS: I meant to ask you, by the way, the the little symbol that you gave me, it's made of seaweed and you said it had a blue crystal in it.

TALIESIN: Yeah, like blue glass.

TRAVIS: Oh, beautiful, okay.

LAURA: Is it actually made of seaweed?

TALIESIN: No, it's copper and steel and the copper is is patina'ed and green.

TRAVIS: It's not like expensive sapphire or anything?

TALIESIN: No, no, it's glass. I don't have that shit.

TRAVIS: Blue glass.

TALIESIN: What am I, made of money?

TRAVIS: Cool.

TALIESIN: I'll draw you a little picture.

MATT: As you're reading intensely through your book, Yasha, every 20 or so minutes, you'll hear this distant high-pitched shrill sound that catches you off guard and as you turn to look, your adrenaline briefly pumping, you remember that's Caduceus practicing.

ASHLEY: (muffled) ♪ Got the perfect warlock ♪

(laughter)

MATT: It's weird. Who else is doing anything particular over the next period of time?

LAURA: I want to... Scry on Kiri, and see how she's doing.

TRAVIS: Oh shit. Way back.

MATT: Okay. So you go ahead and focus a bit.

SAM: It's just like a big turkey dinner, like--

LAURA: Don't!

MATT: You're horrible! You are a terrible person! (laughter)

LAURA: Happy Thanksgiving!

MATT: As you are taking some time in your own chambers, your private chambers here in the cottage, placing these symbols on the ground and focusing intently on Kiri's whereabouts, you feel your consciousness extend a bit into the clouds above before rushing down towards the Overlooks, the mountain cliff sides of the Silberquel Ridge down into Upper Hupperdook.

SAM: Upper Hupper.

MATT: Upper Hupper, if you will. (laughter) Glancing towards it, last memory you can recall, there appears to be quite a bit of damage that Upper Hupperdook has sustained.

LAURA: Up Hup.

MATT: Up Hup, as the kids call it. Hanging out in Up Hup.

TALIESIN: It's good branding for property value.

MARISHA: It's got the stacked letters, just in block.

LIAM: It's so gentrified, I prefer Down Dook, though.

MATT: Downward Dook? (laughter)

MARISHA: Do Du?

LAURA: Do Du.

TALIESIN: Do Du.

MATT: As you try and wrestle your concentration during this scry from the various terms that make their way through your brain, Jester, you can see the damage that-- you had heard of some sort of attack that had come to Hupperdook. It doesn't look terribly recent, but there is small levels of construction that are beginning to spring up again. The city is reclaiming itself in those regions. And with a flash, there is a sight of a dark-feathered young girl making her way through the street, hood up, cloak on, holding arms filled with partially-stale bread, a small basket with some-- a little piece of cloth wrapped over it. And she's walking along, darting from shadows, shaded corner to shaded corner as not to call too much attention before--

LAURA: Does she look too skinny or does she look like she's eating okay?

MATT: She looks healthy.

LAURA: Okay, okay.

MATT: She's not withering by any means. But she's also covered with feathers, but as best as you can guess, she doesn't seem any worse for wear. As you--

LAURA: Yeah, is she molting?

MATT: --follow her for a bit, returning to same abandoned butchery where you had encountered the family that had agreed to take care of her, the place has been far spruced up. Whereas previously it was just a boarded shut locale filled with dust and abandoned pieces of furniture, many of which was either in disuse or broken. You watch as she comes into the door in the inside and it feels more like little more of a home. You see her bring the bread and place it on the counter and break it apart and look around. Nobody else is home yet, so she grabs a piece and sits on a stool, and like (chomps) begins eating it quietly, but she seems okay.

LAURA: Oh, that's good, that's good, that's good. Okay.

MATT: The 10 minutes of the scry wear off and that's the extent of the vision you have.

LAURA: I could use some bread. That made me hungry. I'm going to get some bread, eat it, and then I'm going to send message to... the Plank King.

MATT: (laughs)

SAM: Wait, what?

TRAVIS: Are you fucking really? Oh my god.

TALIESIN: Boom.

MATT: All right. Hold on.

SAM: Wow.

LIAM: Cogs slowly whirring to life in Matt's head in the back.

TRAVIS: Oh, god.

MARISHA: Oh, wait, what? (laughs)

TALIESIN: Wow, you've sent the DM down a file hole.

TRAVIS: Going through binders.

MATT: Okay, what do you send to The Plank King?

LAURA: Hi, Plank King!

SAM: (laughs)

LAURA: It's Jester, do you remember me? How are things going there? We miss you. Are you guys causing crimes and stuff? How's your hair? You pooping?

TALIESIN: That's actually, I think, dead on.

MATT: At first you think it may not have found its source from the protracted silence.

TRAVIS: That's such a fucked spell. It can fucking just hit you at any time.

MATT: It's pretty fucked up, man.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Make it stop!

MATT: I never thought of it in the "wrong hands" until it was in the "wrong hands" and it's fascinating.

TRAVIS: This fucking tiefling, jesus! God damn, that's her!

ASHLEY: You just hear "hello!"

MATT: A voice comes back and goes, "I am not really certain who this is, but business has been business. Why do you ask?" And that's the only response you get. You didn't have a lot of interaction with the Plank King and you gather he's genuinely unsure who this is.

LAURA: I like it.

SAM: You said Jester.

LAURA: I know, he should remember me. All right. I'm going to send a message... to Beau's dad.

SAM: The Tal'Dorei Council.

TRAVIS: To Beau's dad?

SAM: Okay.

MARISHA: Wait, what now?

SAM: This checklist is crazy.

TALIESIN: I'm so happy.

MATT: Sending is dangerous.

LAURA: (deep voice) How are things going there? Did you heed my warnings before? We are keeping eyes on you. (hums menacingly) Hm hm hm. (laughter)

MATT: (worried) "Uh-- Yes, uh, everything's fine. I-I don't know if you're responsible--"

MARISHA: No, no.

MATT: "--but thank you for helping with the competition. Just... Let us know what you need."

SAM: You've become their god.

TRAVIS: You're taking credit for something somebody else did?

TALIESIN: Baller.

LIAM: She's a warlock picture.

MARISHA: He's a completely superstitious man.

MATT: Remember there was that competitive wine family that got attacked by Obann.

MARISHA: I remember.

ASHLEY: Competitive wine family? They just drink wine?

SAM: No, no.

TALIESIN: No, no, wow, that's fair.

SAM: They sell wine and make wine.

LIAM: Business rival.

SAM: Business rival.

MATT: Business rivals of her family.

LAURA: Last message of the day that I'm going to send today. I'm going to send a message to the Inevitable End.

SAM: What?

TALIESIN: Oh!

LAURA: And just say... Hey, so you kind of disappeared, but I just want to say thank you so much for helping out back there. If you want a friend, because it's probably-- Send another one: pretty lonely there, with whatever you're doing. If you want a friend, you know, just let us know. Thank you again. Also! Like your hair.

(laughter)

MATT: A response comes back. "(laughing) I think I know who this is. I appreciate your aid in breaking his will. And I show appreciation by letting you live."

LAURA: It's okay.

MATT: "We will not meet again."

LAURA: Oh, come on!

MATT: And that's it.

TALIESIN: Didn't even comment on the hair.

LAURA: Does she know that she can respond twice? I sent two messages. I'm just going to doodle in my journal, The Inevitable End, fading out of a wall.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: It's pretty well done. There's some good shading, some good crosshatching on it. You're getting better and better at this at the weeks go on.

LAURA: I'm also going to draw what I imagine Beau's dad looks like melting into a puddle.

SAM: Does it look like Beau with a mustache?

LAURA: Kind of, yeah. (laughter)

MATT: All righty, anybody else?

LIAM: Yeah, before the days gets too late, I ask Fjord and Nott if you would accompany me on a quick errand.

SAM: Of course, yes.

LIAM: Let's take a walk. And I will lead them through Rexxentrum and go and cruise past the Soltryce Academy.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: I don't want to go in or anything, but, (chuckles) I thought both of you would appreciate it... seeing it for different reasons.

TRAVIS: It's much different than I expected, I admit. I actually looked forward to coming here at one point. (chuckles) Learning.

LIAM: It's technically possible.

MATT: You hear a heavy door open and you watch as a group of 12 students, all in very neat uniforms, emerging off in the distance as their teacher is giving a soft lecture to them as they head through one of the exterior gardens. And it's a beautiful campus. It's massive. The Tri-Spires in Zadash and the Hall of Erudition there did not prepare you for the scope and splendor of this particular location. With the context of you learning about some of the people who have been involved with it, it might have darkened it a bit, but objectively it's a very well-crafted and very well-kept campus of towers and walkways and large marble halls and tall windows and you in particular watching this class pass by, your words escape you in a moment as you are immediately brought back to those early days, so hopeful, absorbing all knowledge that you could possibly get your hands on.

TRAVIS: They look happy, these students.

LIAM: Believe me... Being a young man here and attending school, was like nothing else. It felt very important. It was a... A great honor.

SAM: Were any of your professors just sweet, kind-hearted souls or were they all sort of ulterior motive-y?

LIAM: No. It was a wonderful place to go to school. With good teachers. And just bright people, it was exciting. Where everyone around you was so... Their minds just sparking and I-- I... I was not going to be a soldier like my father and I felt like I belonged, finally.

TRAVIS: Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you had stayed there, and if those... bad actors hadn't gotten their hands on you in that way, do you imagine where you might be?

LIAM: Oh, um... Probably a teacher here. At least, that's what I thought when I started. It was intoxicating. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to just... Go through the revolving door and stay.

SAM: I think you'd probably be an excellent teacher. You've taught me quite a bit already without any formal, you know, classrooms or anything.

LIAM: Well, you are very bright, like the people in there.

SAM: But, I mean, think about that. You'd be surrounded by knowledge and books and... eager students. That would be a pretty cool life.

LIAM: I think you're right.

SAM: Maybe one day you could... do that. Maybe not here, but there could be a place.

LIAM: Well, maybe I focus on you, for the time being. You're such a good student, you need to thrive.

SAM: I wouldn't mind that. Do you want to go inside? We could disguise ourselves and walk around, pretend to be students. Ask where the chow hall is, or whatever they call it. I don't know, is that what they call it at schools?

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, mess hall.

SAM: Mess hall?

LIAM: I don't think so. You know what I would like to do is go back to the cottage and start sorting through those papers we took from the Archmage's Bane. See if I can't start to figure that out.

SAM: Yes, that would be tremendous. Are you sure you didn't want to check on anyone else while you're here in Rexxentrum?

LIAM: I think it is a bad idea to stick my neck out here, any more than I have.

SAM: Or send us to check?

LIAM: Let's just lay low and... get out of here. It's-- I'm not welcome here.

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: And to be clear, you think this place is still capable of good, yes? It can make positive change, affect lives in a good way, not just take people down dark paths and...

LIAM: Probab-- probably.

TRAVIS: Your grievances are personal, then? Not with this establishment?

(Caleb sighs)

LIAM: It's a fairly tangled knot, Fjord, I'm not sure.

TRAVIS: All right.

LIAM: Thank you for coming with me.

TRAVIS: Thank you for showing us.

LIAM: You're a good friend.

TRAVIS: As are you, and you.

SAM: Oh, who, me?

TRAVIS: Maybe not you.

(laughter)

LIAM: I don't want to wear out my welcome.

SAM: Yeah, let's go.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And for the time being, I will head back, and I will spend, as much as my mind can focus on it here, time on those incomplete writings.

MATT: From Halas?

LIAM: From Halas.

MATT: Make an arcana check for me.

SAM: Yes!

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

LIAM: (screeches) 16.

MATT: 16?

LIAM: I have plus 10, but I always roll low.

MATT: Not a bad start, not a bad start, as you're poring through the notes, you pull out your own blank sheets and in a very Beautiful Mind kind of way begin to connect the dots, begin to improvise on the incomplete glyphs and following the threads and making sketches and then finding problems in your work and then scrapping it. You begin to see the early patterns of what this may have been able capable of and what ways you might be able to bend it in the direction of some of the things you want to accomplish. You do know at this stage, in really digging into it, it's not going to be a quick road. Who knows how long it might take, but, much like any new project that gives you a hint of a very strong goal, that little peek of obsession begins to percolate in the back of your mind and you begin to consider how much of your waking time you can spend to solve this problem. Because you're fairly confident from what you've seen here, you could probably do it with enough time.

LIAM: After a couple hours of that, I will hang out in the common room and pretend to read a book and watch for my colleagues and wait for them all to leave.

MATT: Okay. Anybody over here?

TRAVIS: I will spend the mornings and the evenings trying to meditate more on the Wildmother. Trying to practice putting myself, feeling what she needs or wants to show me. Just sort of making myself open to whatever that might be and proudly displaying in a place of prominence, the little pin that Caduceus gave me.

MATT: Whereabouts are you meditating?

TRAVIS: I suppose just a room, it could just be a room that no one else is in, just trying to find a quiet space.

MATT: Okay, good.

LAURA: You should do it outdoors.

TRAVIS: Outdoors. I would find a garden, also. (Taliesin screams) (laughter) Indoor, back indoors. (laughter) Start small.

MATT: All right, As you quickly turn around--

LIAM: Pluck a single flower and go right back inside.

MATT: You head back to your personal chambers. Make sure the balcony is available, so some of the colder breeze can come in, it's still overcast. It isn't in a bright day. The rain's been off and on since you've been here in Rexxentrum. There is a cleansing chill that comes with the wind that is still welcoming and makes you feel more at ease and connected to the nature beyond this massive city's walls. In focusing and closing your eyes and remembering what it felt like in those few moments that you were communing with the Wildmother in those visions you had when she tore you from the caustic grasp of Uk'otoa--

SAM and MARISHA: (whispering) Uk'otoa.

MATT: -- and had taken your sins as her own. And it takes some time, but eventually the chill begins to pass, and a familiar warm breeze from those moments comes into your mind and you feel at peace. Time begins to crawl. Focus comes to your mind. And you can hear the waves crash against the shore from when you grew up. And you find that peaceful place you haven't found in a while and just stay there.

TRAVIS: That's very cool. I do love the ocean. And in between that time, I will find Beau, and try to work out with her whenever possible.

MATT: Okay. Between meditation, pumping some iron.

MARISHA: Fighting pit, fighting pit, that'll be happening, We'll get to that. Beau spends her days... Working out, early morning workout with Fjord.

SAM: Sure.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: High-intensity training.

MARISHA: 6:00am. Totally, 6:00am. Absolutely.

TRAVIS: I had too much breakfast. Too much breakfast and some orange juice on the first one. All of it came up. I didn't do that again the second time.

MARISHA: You only have to do that a couple times, you know, before you don't do that. You tend to just eat afterwards and I spend my days at the library.

MATT: Okay, to the Rexxentrum Archive.

MARISHA: The Rexxentrum Archive, and I have a list of things that I would like to research, but I don't want to Caleb this, either.

(laughter)

SAM: Back-handed compliment.

MATT: You can, if you'd like. What things would you like to research while there?

MARISHA: Pride's Call, and if they have any current records of their archeological digs.

MATT: Okay, starting with that. Go ahead and make an investigation check for me. Which, with your new level--

MARISHA: Is a 12.

MATT: I think you took your Mystical Erudition in investigation.

MARISHA: I rolled a natural 19, so that's 31.

LIAM: Skidoosh.

MARISHA: (excited laugh) I did a good one! I did a good investigation roll.

MATT: Yeah, you did. Yes, Pride's Call, you learn a lot of things. Pride's Call was one of the initial dwarven societies that joined the Dwendalian Empire as it began to expand out of Rexxentrum. It was not conquered by any means. It was an agreement of mutual interest and it wasn't until Grimgolir, the mountain-based dwarven society on the far Eastern side of the Marrow Valley was brought in, that a jealousy between the societies began to come in. As Grimgolir took over military activities, Pride's Call began to fall out of favor a bit as far as the poster child for a lot of their military might and so since then, a lot of their focus has now gone towards their strange and unique landscape due to the geothermal activity that transpires in the surrounding mountains. You discover that there is indeed an excavation, a little bit to the east of Pride's Call. It began with a sinkhole that had fallen in years ago. A portion of the ground that just suddenly caved in and as investigations began to go into it, it was discovered that beneath that cave-in, there was ruins. The excavation immediately was taken and brought into the jurisdiction of the Cerberus Assembly. But as part of that battle for it, Yudala Fon, the High Curator of the library you're in, also sought for some control and they managed to arrange with the king a joint custody over the excavation, though with the Cerberus Assembly having the final say. So they're both in this counter-balancing overlook of it.

MARISHA: It's a 49/51 split?

MATT: Kind of, yeah.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: You also, you rolled high. It is believed since then that the ruins are from an Arcanum city called Shattengrad.

MARISHA: We've heard of that.

MATT: You may or may not have.

TRAVIS: I don't think so.

MATT: I don't believe you have. Shattengrad was one of a number of prominent cities in the Age of Arcanum. This was not one of the famed floating cities. Only a handful of them were elevated through brumestone. This one probably existed here before it was destroyed before or during the Calamity. But has since become a... A very intense point of focus for possibly unearthing any sort of arcane weaponry, any sort of technology that was being used at the time, anything used to give the Empire a leg up as both a leader in trade, a leader in technology, and now with the conflict with the Kryn Dynasty, a means of defending and/or essentially becoming a much easier victor for the conflict.

MARISHA: Interesting.

MATT: You also do learn in your research, less about looking through the books and more about asking questions around the library in which Yudala Fon is present now because they have returned from the council where you saw them previously. And probably speaking a bit with Yudala, you'd uncover that there was indeed an object recovered from the ruins a few weeks back described by some of the actual Cobalt Soul at the scene as a geometric shape pulsing with some strange dull power. Yudala had already, and it's not like the beacon is not unknown in these prominent circles. The beacons of the Kryn Dynasty aren't some guarded secret. It's part of their central religion, so for those that actually look into it and research, or in places of prominent cultural information sharing, the beacons are known, so this object is definitely confirmed as a beacon of the Dynasty. Unfortunately, it was discovered by hired teams by the Assembly, and before it could be properly discussed, it was already claimed by the Assembly and as such, has not been seen since, but that does--

MARISHA: Are you sure it didn't have-- go ahead.

MATT: It seemed to line up and confirm with some of the things that Ikithon has spoken about at the council.

MARISHA: Does it have any confirmed dates? Any dates of the uncovering?

MATT: It would have been three weeks.

MARISHA: Three weeks ago?

MATT: Three weeks ago.

MARISHA: Oh. Okay.

SAM: Wait, that tracks with--

LAURA: That does track with what he was saying.

SAM: They weren't lying?

MARISHA: But it means that there's another beacon still missing.

MATT: It means that there is a third beacon that the Empire is aware of.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you took the first.

MARISHA: They stole the first, and the second.

MATT: There were two that were stolen originally, it seemed, that were being held by the Assembly. One that you returned, one that is still at large. And the one that was found in this ruin.

LIAM: So there's just one floating, and we have no information on it.

SAM: The one that they showed us was time-accurate, right? They said they found it a couple of weeks ago.

LIAM: They were still totally shady and lying to us about--

LAURA: The fact that they already had another one.

LIAM: This was the first time they'd ever come across one.

TRAVIS: You couldn't scry on a beacon, could you?

SAM: Well, she used all her spells for the day.

LAURA: Well, we're here for a couple days.

TRAVIS: So something like a beacon, are they identical? Or could you only scry on the one that you would have seen?

MARISHA: Yeah, that's true.

LIAM: Oh, wait, well, we saw one, we saw one at the Sanatorium.

LAURA: It says that it's a creature that you choose.

MATT: Instead of choosing a creature, you can choose a location that you've seen before.

SAM: But not a thing.

MATT: Technically an object. It's like Find Object is a spell for things similar to that. So like a location you could scry on, or a creature you can scry on. As we've learned and refined over the years what the boundaries of scrying entails.

TRAVIS: We got to figure out who knows where that third one is.

MARISHA: Shit.

TRAVIS: Somebody knows. And we've talked about somebody else.

MARISHA: And we've placed Trent and Ludinus both in Zadash when the Tri-Spire was busted.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MARISHA: We then saw Ludinus in Felderwin talking to Lady--

MATT: You don't know of Ludinus in Zadash. Zadash was Trent and Oremid Hass.

LIAM: Saw them flying around the tower.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: But then we saw Ludinus in Felderwin with--

SAM and MARISHA: Vess DeRogna.

LIAM: Walking together and talking.

MARISHA: And Vess DeRogna was leading the investigation--

LIAM: She's the antiquities artifact lady.

MATT: Correct, and she's the one who had hired your husband and was performing the experiments to try and extract and create--

LAURA: That's how we got the potion, that one potion.

LIAM: Nott-- Veth's husband's a witness.

MARISHA: And that's also where we got the tripod.

LIAM: And he is in danger, for knowing what he knows.

MARISHA: And that fucking chair.

LIAM: Fucking mastermind chair.

TRAVIS: Can we scry that chair, do we know where it is now?

MARISHA: And then we heard--

MATT: You can scry the location.

SAM: It has to be on the same plane of existence, though.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: What if it's a creature?

MATT: You can certainly try. (laughs)

SAM: It's returned to its--

MATT: The chair dimension?

SAM: Yes.

TRAVIS: What level is scry, what spell level?

TALIESIN: The Ottoman Empire.

LIAM: One of these days.

SAM: The Ottoman Empire, amazing.

TALIESIN: Terrible. I feel bad.

SAM: No, you should not.

LIAM: Some day, at the end of this campaign, we're going to enter a full banquet hall and all the chairs are going to be mimics and it'll be what we deserve.

MATT: And the door. Anything else you want to research?

MARISHA: So many things.

MATT: It takes you like a good, because it's some pretty deep research and conversations around, so it takes a number of hours to get that out, but you still have time in the day to--

MARISHA: Okay, I'll give you... Okay, is there anything that, I'll come back to this other one. Is there anything, since I'm kind of on the beacon train, that mentions multiple beacons across time and history? Is there anything clocks how many fucking beacons are out there, total?

MATT: Roll another investigation check. Actually, I'll say investigation or religion. Those are your two choices.

MARISHA: Investigation.

TALIESIN: I do have Commune. We need to talk a few things.

LAURA: Yeah, same.

TALIESIN: I've got Commune up.

MARISHA: (excited breathing) It's not the blue one, but it looks like the other blue one. 14.

MATT: 14. Most of the information that exists in this archive reinforces your existing knowledge of the Kryn Dynasty, their worship the Luxon, and the beacons symbolizing parts of the Luxon when it initially dispersed itself throughout the world to help bring light and energy to a once cold ball of rock. The number of beacons is unknown from what you can tell. You have no information, nothing that seems to point to any sort of number or total. The only thing you do know is that they're searching. The Kryn Dynasty is always looking for more.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: As part of their religious directive to find and gather the beacons.

MARISHA: Okay.

TRAVIS: When we saw that second beacon, did it look like the first one almost identically, close?

MATT: Pretty close.

LIAM: Slightest differences, though?

MATT: Slight differences, like the shape could be a little bit smaller or a little bit larger.

LAURA: The handles on it, are they the same?

MATT: The handles are different, because the handles are constructed to be a holding device for it, so depending on who is crafting it, those that were... That you'd seen, that were taken from the Dynasty all had a very similar filigreeing outer element to it. The one that you saw that was being held by Trent beneath the Sanatorium had similar metallic wrappings to it, but they didn't have the same Kryn design to it. It's more functional and basic.

LIAM: What about the fusty nut in the middle? Are they slightly different sizes? They have the same surface?

MATT: They're all still that geometric dodecahedron shape. Their sizes can vary, at least from the three that you've encountered, or the two that you've encountered. The one that you saw was a little bit smaller. But comparable, like minor, minor difference.

MARISHA: I'll call it there for the day, I guess, because I got to carb up for tonight.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: You actually carbo load a day before your event, so you're just going to be slow and lethargic.

LAURA: As she gets back to the--

MATT: Well, she finds that out too late.

LAURA: As she gets back to the cottage, I'm going to sit next to her.

MARISHA: What, huh?

LAURA: Are you avoiding me?

MARISHA: No.

LAURA: Because we've been here and I haven't hardly seen you at all and I think I know why.

MARISHA: Uh, no, honestly, we've just been really busy. We got here and then everything got like attacked and then it was like, well, "We got to immediately, like, "negotiate for King Dwendal."

LAURA: Right, but then you went and you went to go do something and I haven't seen you all day, I've just been sitting here.

MARISHA: Oh, I'm sorry, did you want an invite? I was just reading books.

LAURA: No! Oh, no.

MARISHA: Yeah, I didn't think you'd be interested, exactly. No, why do you think I'm avoiding you, though?

LAURA: Because... Because I didn't save you.

MARISHA: (chuckles) No, no, that's not, no, not at all. I was also, like, super kind of hazy and unconscious, so you could have, I was unaware.

TRAVIS: Denial.

MARISHA: Yeah. (chuckles)

LAURA: I shouldn't have told you, then.

MARISHA: No, look, I trust your judgment.

LAURA: I wanted, no, I wanted to.

MARISHA: I was good, you know, Yasha had me. She pulled me back, we're a team, you know?

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: We're good.

LAURA: All right.

MARISHA: I trust your judgment. Caduceus is, you know, also kind of a hot mess who might need help sometimes.

LAURA: Well, he was swallowed, at the time.

MARISHA: See, I was unaware of that, too. We haven't really actually conversed about any of this. That sounds fucking insane.

LAURA: Yeah, and I was literally, I was next to the blob. And from my perspective, like, I could hear Caduceus. You know, I could hear him, he was like "Help, help me."

MARISHA: Jesus, that's--

LAURA: "Please, god, do something!" It was terrible.

MARISHA: Yeah, like, I think you made the right call. I was good, I was nowhere close to dying, clearly. I was just a little unconscious.

LAURA: Beau, You were about to die, though. Like, you were bleeding out, you were bleeding out so hard, like, I swear, maybe a couple more seconds and you would've been gone for good.

LIAM: A strain of the death flute playing in the distance.

TALIESIN: Are you guys in the lobby of the hotel? I'm just at a corner table just going... (short bursts of flute screaming) (laughter) (short bursts of flute screaming) (laughter)

MARISHA: He needs your help, too, clearly.

LAURA: That kind of what it sounded like from--

MARISHA: Oh, yeah, from inside the thing? Yeah, no, you know, it's a team effort.

LAURA: I know, I know, it's--

MARISHA: You had Caduceus and Yasha had me and then sometimes you'll have Fjord, sometimes I'll have Fjord and sometimes Fjord sometimes--

LAURA: I know, I know, I know.

MARISHA: I always got you as long as I don't have to get Caduceus first, you know, so no, we're cool.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Well, I'm sorry anyway.

MARISHA: You don't have to--

LAURA: It's been bothering me.

MARISHA: Why?

LAURA: I don't know. Because, you know, I don't want you to die.

MARISHA: Thank you. I don't want to die, either.

LAURA: I cast a message and I sent a message to your dad!

(laughter)

MARISHA: (surprised laugh) What?

LAURA: Is that okay?

MARISHA: Wait, what?

TALIESIN: (flute scream)

(laughter)

LAURA: So he sounds really paranoid and stuff, you know? And so I just sending message to him to make him more paranoid, sometimes I just do that. Is that okay?

MARISHA: Wait, how long have you been doing that?

LAURA: Since you told me about him and we sent that first one.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah, uh-huh, and him being paranoid. Wow, okay, um--

LAURA: I think he thinks we're responsible for killing that other family or something, because he's like, "Oh, thank you so much. How can I repay you?"

SAM: You're a dick.

TRAVIS: Everyone's whiny bitches when you--

LAURA: Are you okay, Beau?

MARISHA: Yeah, no, it's okay, it's hot, it's just hot.

LAURA: Oh no, did I do something wrong?

MARISHA: No, no, it's just, I think you, yeah. I don't know, it's a lot to unpack. Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

LAURA: Oh no. That is what I should be apologizing for.

MARISHA: I mean, you know, um... (Travis chuckles) Uh, oof, wow, uh... You know, you might want to evaluate. There might be a pattern of you reaching out to, like, personal people connected to our pasts without us knowing, which, you know, is a little weird. You know, first with Astrid and now--

LAURA: That was Nott, Nott made me do it! But I did it, I did do it.

MARISHA: Well, yeah, it was a tag team.

LAURA: I thought it was to help Caleb, because he missed her so much.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get the intent.

LAURA: And your dad was really bad to you, so I was just trying to make him suffer.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Honestly, hearing you say that is super endearing and it kind of makes it a little better, but not because you're making my dad suffer, but, uh... (chuckles) Oh, I am trying to process this, Jester.

LAURA: I'm really sorry, I'm really sorry. I won't do it again, Beau, I promise. Unless you're sitting there and you're like, "Say this," I won't do it if you're not there.

MARISHA: Well, so what's interesting is he thought that we were-- what did he say about the other wine family?

LAURA: Okay, so he thinks that I'm god or something? (chuckles) I don't know.

MARISHA: My staff is caught in my hair.

LAURA: Oh, we'll fix it, a little band came out. I sent a message.

MARISHA: Okay.

LAURA: I can't remember what I said the first time, but he was like, (gasps) and then I was like, "Oh, I'm watching you," or something. I can't remember exactly and then he sounded like worried and he's like, "Oh, I knew this was going to happen," or something, I can't remember. And then, this time I was like, "I'm still watching, you better behave." And he was like, "Oh no," and he said, "Are you responsible? Do I have you to thank for helping the competition," or something like that? But remember, somebody did something to a family over by your family.

MARISHA: I do remember that.

LAURA: So I think that's what that was about.

MARISHA: I think I'm a little concerned that my dad feels like he had a part in that. Did my dad have a part in that? Does my dad think he had a part in that?

LAURA: Maybe he just thinks that whoever is looking out for him--

MARISHA: He's hella superstitious, he like, went to fortunetellers and shit. That's why he thinks I'm his everloving problem.

LAURA: I should ask the Traveler! Maybe the Traveler has made contact with your dad or something and maybe he thinks I'm the Traveler!

MARISHA: That feels like a jump. That feels like a leap, but I'm not saying it's not a possibility, it just feels like there may be other--

LAURA: Well, what we need to figure out, Beau, is who your dad thinks is watching him, because it didn't seem odd to him that somebody was.

MARISHA: Well, he rambled his whole fucking life about some woman who is going to come back for his fortune and all this shit, so who fucking knows what he thinks.

LAURA: There's something there, you should figure it out.

MARISHA: He just saw some kooky fucking tarot card reader. He was always able to get got.

LAURA: Beau!

MARISHA: What?

LAURA: Those tarot card readers know what they're doing. Think of Molly, he was so smart!

MARISHA: They're, they're... (laughter) Suggestions, they're not, they're things that can--

LAURA: Beau, Molly knew things, Molly knew things!

TALIESIN: That wasn't spit worthy, motherfucker.

LAURA: He said, when I asked him, "I am searching for something," and he's like, "you already know about it," and we already did!

SAM: Oh, that's true, that's true.

LAURA: He knew The Gentleman was my dad!

MARISHA: I don't think tarot cards told him that, though. I think he was just Molly and if you shotgun blast things into the air like saying you think you know things then you're bound to hit one of them.

LIAM: What's a shotgun?

LAURA: Beau, don't talk about Molly like that.

MARISHA: I read about this thing called a Bad News once and it would sometimes explode.

LAURA: Oh, that's weird.

MARISHA: Yeah, but I'm just saying, if you just gamble on being right, sometimes you'll be right and I think that was Molly's game.

LAURA: I don't like thinking about it like that. He was just brilliant.

MARISHA: Well, he was brilliant!

LAURA: And he saw into the future... And he was basically a god.

MARISHA: He wasn't. None of us are gods.

(laughter) (laughter) (laughter)

MARISHA: Look, I got a tattoo in honor of the guy. He taught me a lot about how to balance when to bullshit when you know, and when's a good time to actually know. We are kind of diametrically opposed in that way. I appreciate everything he did and I miss him every fucking day, but tarot cards are fucking bullshit, that's all I'm saying.

LAURA: Agree to disagree.

MARISHA: All right, that's fair. They're fun, and I enjoy them and admittedly, I've got some bias because of my dad.

LAURA: Right, right, right.

MARISHA: Maybe I can grow to like them again. Maybe you should learn. Here, I've been basically holding onto them just because I wanted them for the tattoo reference for a bit, but...

TRAVIS: What are you doing?

SAM: What is this now?

LAURA: These are tarot cards. Hi, Nott.

MARISHA: Hey, Nott, come in.

SAM: Hi.

LAURA: I'm going to learn tarot cards. I'm going to read your future soon, you just wait.

SAM: I can't-- I can't wait, I would love that.

LAURA: I'm going to run up the stairs. I'm going to run to the room and start practicing.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Maybe you can refresh my brain... on... yeah, I'll be good.

LAURA: Thank you, Beau!

MARISHA: Yeah, bye, Jess and thanks, good talk.

TALIESIN: I'm going to walk over.

MARISHA: Hey, Caduceus, come in.

TALIESIN: This is the most amazing thing.

MARISHA: Oh, you were here that whole time in the other room, right?

TALIESIN: I was, I was. This is amazing. This is the greatest thing.

SAM: The bone thing?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: Yeah, we've heard it.

TALIESIN: Yeah, you want to try?

SAM: No.

MARISHA: Yeah, all right.

SAM: I'll just roll my ears down.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Why did I say yes to this?

TRAVIS: Go on, play it.

(Marisha screams)

TALIESIN: So good.

MARISHA: I think it's a little tinny. I think it sounds better when you do it. (Taliesin screams) Yeah, it's a little more robust, yeah.

TALIESIN: This is going to be all worth it some day, you'll see.

MATT: You see the elderly dwarf, Kela Camarouth, behind you guys at the clerk tables. You guys have been in the main area of the cottage, just looking at Fjord doing this. (Travis chuckles)

MARISHA: Hey, Caduceus, you've been here all day.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: Where's everybody, are they here?

SAM: Caleb's over there, reading. Fjord is close by.

TALIESIN: Yasha went out to read, I don't know why.

MARISHA: Is she like outside?

TALIESIN: A park a couple of blocks down, last I saw her.

MATT: It's later in the day at this point, it's probably like post-sunset with how much you're doing your research and everything and everyone's gathering so if you-- how many hours of reading do you want to put in?

ASHLEY: (sighs) Well, I want to read it as much as I can. So get as much reading as I can in. So maybe if I take a point of exhaustion for that first night, I don't know how that works.

MATT: You can, if you want to. It's your call.

ASHLEY: (strained) Yeah, why not?

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Yeah, let's do it.

MATT: If you're taking a point of exhaustion for a night of no sleep, then I'll say you can knock out 24 hours in that book.

SAM: Damn, is this a book you have to read for a certain amount of time?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LIAM: Before it locks in.

MATT: Yeah, because you guys aren't in a stressful situation. You have some downtime. You're going to have to move locations a few times, because at some point in the evening, there are some crownsguard that come through and usher you out of the garden.

MARISHA: "Park's closed."

MATT: Yeah. But you can continue reading without issue beyond that and make a constitution saving throw.

LAURA: You can read in the room. I'm just going to be there, practicing tarot cards. I won't bother you.

ASHLEY: Okay, well that sounds good.

TALIESIN: It's a real page-turner.

LAURA: Ooh!

ASHLEY: Oh, yeah. That would be a 27.

TRAVIS: Yo, what?

MATT: Okay, yeah, only a single point of exhaustion for the night without getting any sleep.

ASHLEY: Sorry.

TRAVIS: Nani?

ASHLEY: 25.

MATT: That's still pretty high. Yeah, so one point of exhaustion.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: And you are tired, but you finished 24 hours of reading. Jester.

LAURA: Huh?

MATT: Are you going to look up and research actual books on how to read tarot cards or are you going to make it up?

SAM: She's going to make it up.

LIAM: The Traveler will tell her.

LAURA: That's right. I'm going to talk to The Traveler to help me out.

MARISHA: Holy shit, yes.

LAURA: I'm going to stare at the cards, and see what they mean to me. What I feel when I look at them.

TRAVIS: It's pretty accurate.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Oh, we have to get Laura a set of tarot cards now.

TALIESIN: I'm already on it.

MATT: I knew you would be. This is your charge, Taliesin.

TALIESIN: I know.

MATT: To get her the right deck.

TALIESIN: This is what happened to my Christmas break, it's okay. (laughter) I didn't need a break anyway, that's okay.

SAM: (as Jester) Oh, I am self taught.

TALIESIN: Fuck.

LAURA: The cards, they speak to me.

TALIESIN: "Help, help!"

MATT: The Jester school of tarot reading was birthed this day. All right, great, focus on that. You guys have been--

LIAM: I guess I would've been there in the common room reading and just blushed and listened to that entire insane conversation, pretending to read a book and saying nothing.

SAM: At some point, I went out to buy 20 crossbow bolts.

MATT: Okay, easy enough.

SAM: And then get an extra 10 that have a rubber tip, or a dull tip.

MATT: What's the intent?

SAM: Training bolts, for a young child.

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: Okay! Okay.

TRAVIS: They have the stud-tip rubber ones.

MATT: Yeah. That can be done. It'll cost, I'll say for the... You're having them custom made, you're having existing bolts being retrofitted in that way so it is an additional bit of work I'd say for 10 bolts, beyond the cost of what it would be, it's an additional five silver. That's not too expensive.

LAURA: That's going to hurt so bad.

MATT: Oh, yeah, no, it's going to fuck someone up.

SAM: Rubber bullet.

TALIESIN: It'll put an eye out.

MATT: It's a rubber bullet with a long iron shaft behind it.

LAURA: Somebody gave Ronin a crossbow, a wooden crossbow. With little ones with a rubber tip.

SAM: Yeah, you can get them at the ren faire.

LAURA: I shot them. They fucking suck when you're hit. It hurts.

MATT: I can imagine. All righty so you go ahead and get that made, perfect. Fjord, anything you wanted to tackle, aside from just meditating?

TRAVIS: Meditating, working out and underground fighting pits.

MARISHA: Which, I get back, and we talk about that.

TRAVIS: Yeah, look, I mean, the ocean--

MARISHA: You in for this, Yasha?! The ocean has people on top of the water, in the water and the bottom of the water.

MATT: It'll cut from some of your reading time.

ASHLEY: Okay, so we have two days, so maybe I'll take--

MATT: Well, you can more than two days. It's yours guys' call with the time you want to take.

TRAVIS: If we're really going to know Rexxentrum, we have to like, know Rexxentrum.

TALIESIN: I would say maybe you can finish your reading, they can research where to go to fight and last night out, we have a big party, and that's our big out is a--

ASHLEY: Yeah, hell yeah.

TALIESIN: Is a fisticuffs.

ASHLEY: I'm into that.

MARISHA: You're just going to have to get some sort of daytime nap.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I can get a little nap in. I actually prefer, sort of, I don't like sleeping in one chunk of time.

TRAVIS: Whoa.

ASHLEY: I sort of like putting it in spurts.

TRAVIS: Power naps.

ASHLEY: Little power naps.

LIAM: Grazing, grazing like a deer.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Can you sleep sitting up, or standing, even?

ASHLEY: I can sleep anywhere.

TRAVIS: What about eyes open?

ASHLEY: I've never tried it.

TRAVIS: Try now.

(chuckles)

ASHLEY: Are my eyes still open?

TRAVIS: They are. Are you sleeping?

ASHLEY: I'm sleeping. (laughter) I don't think I can sleep with my eyes open, Fjord.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Maybe if it was like really dark.

ASHLEY: If it was dark enough, when a room gets really dark and then you go like this and then open them and you can't tell the difference.

TRAVIS: When you go like what?

ASHLEY: When you're like-- and you can't tell if they're closed or open because it's super dark.

TALIESIN: Were you asleep just then?

ASHLEY: No.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay, I was trying to catch ya.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I wish I could fall asleep that fast.

TALIESIN: That'd be so great.

SAM: What's the plan, guys?

MATT: All right, so are you going to join them, or are you staying to read?

ASHLEY: No, I'm going to join them.

MATT: Okay, so I'd say we'll subtract the time you guys are out from your reading time. So just keep that in mind.

ASHLEY: I'll keep that in mind.

MATT: All right, so, you guys are looking for a fighting pit.

LAURA: Do we all get to go and watch it? Are you going to let us know that you're going?

MARISHA: Yeah. Hey, guys, we're going to the fighting pit!

LAURA: Ooh, I'll go!

MARISHA: Or we're going go to look for one.

TRAVIS: If there is-- yeah, we have to locate it first.

MARISHA: There's always a fighting pit.

LIAM: There are fighting pits in the city.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit, yeah, why did we not ask Caleb?

LAURA: Caleb, have you gone to them?

SAM: He's not a fighting pit type.

MATT: Make a history check.

TRAVIS: I mean, look, he's got the wraps, he's like Bloodsport.

MARISHA: Scrappy, yeah.

LIAM: That's a one.

(Laura laughs)

MATT: I mean, like, you assume. (laughs)

LIAM: I've heard people, maybe not in this city, talk about fighting pits, but I've heard of fighting pits in cities, so ergo--

ASHLEY: Sometimes like what we would do in my tribe is you would just go out into the middle of the square and then you would punch somebody and they would get upset and then you would just start fighting.

LAURA: Oh, like a city brawl.

LIAM: You mean like you assault someone and then a fight begins?

ASHLEY: What's assault?

LIAM: That's when you fight and go to jail.

ASHLEY: Oh.

LAURA: Yeah, it's probably a bad idea.

ASHLEY: That's a bad thing.

LAURA: Especially coming so fast coming off of like, you know--

TALIESIN: I always heard it was the opposite of pepper.

SAM: Keller, Keller? Is that your name?

MATT: "Kela?"

SAM: Kela! Any fighting pits round here?

MATT: "Not that I know of."

SAM: You have a concierge or something who might?

MATT: She points to one of her grandchildren who's over in the corner digging his finger deep into his nose.

SAM: Oh, the teens!

MARISHA: Fucking kids! They'll know.

SAM: They'll know. Hey, teen, get over here!

(laughter)

MATT: "What's up?"

TRAVIS: "Hey, teen."

SAM: Hey, fellow teen, come on over here.

MATT: "No, I'm good."

SAM: I'll put out a little-- uh, what do I got? I'll pull out my flask.

LAURA: Oh. (Marisha laughs)

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

TRAVIS: Are you giving alcohol to an underage person?

LIAM: I mean, he's a dwarf, he's probably like 45.

SAM: Is it persuasion?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Oh, I get a plus two on persuasion, when did that happen? Bringing it to five.

(laughter)

MATT: He goes, "Grandma!"

MARISHA: Wait, wait, wait, oh, no, hey!

LAURA: Wait, wait, do you want candy?

(laughter)

MATT: He leaves the room. He's been made uncomfortable.

SAM: There was two of them, right?

MARISHA: Yeeza and Poma.

LIAM: Yeeza and Poma.

SAM: Maybe that was Poma, we need Yeeza.

MARISHA: Where do I see Yeeza? Which one has a crush on me?

MATT: You have a high wisdom and a fairly decent insight.

MARISHA: I fail to recognize faces.

MATT: Right, no, no, these children probably wouldn't have information regarding underground fighting rings.

MARISHA: Damn it! (laughs)

MATT: Just saving you the time on this one. These kids probably don't get out much.

MARISHA: All right. They're lame kids, they suck. We got to go elsewhere.

TRAVIS: We'll work for our supper. Let's just go out onto the street and look for someone that would know where this is.

MATT: Who's helming the search for a fighting pit?

LIAM: Well, I'm going to stay in and read tonight. I have some research to do, but I would--

MARISHA: No!

LIAM: I would recommend--

MARISHA: Boo!

SAM: It's okay, it's okay.

MARISHA: Boo!

TRAVIS: Come with us.

LIAM: Nott needs some help, so I am going to do a bit of work and I haven't had the time to breathe in weeks. Try the Mudtop Ward. If there is going to be a fighting pit, it would be there.

SAM: All right.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Thanks, man.

MATT: Who's helming the search?

TRAVIS: I will assist.

LAURA: I'll help, I'll do it.

TRAVIS: Oh, oh, no! How does that happen?

LAURA: Nobody said anything so I did.

MATT: So Jester steps up to the plate.

TRAVIS: Where are you, come on!

MARISHA: Choice in a vacuum, I'm sorry.

MATT: And begins the process of looking for seedy locales throughout the Mudtop Ward that might have people that they can talk to that she can talk to, assisted by you, Fjord.

LAURA: I'm used to seeing some shady characters.

MATT: I would like you to make an investigation check with advantage.

MARISHA: Oh, I thought he would do perception. Nope, I should've done this.

LAURA: You should have done it.

TRAVIS: Yep, that's what I was looking at you for.

SAM: I just realized, I could've used my reliable talent on the persuasion.

LAURA: Nine! Are you going to guide me?

SAM: I have that now.

TRAVIS: That was with advantage, was nine?

SAM: It still would've only been 12.

LAURA: Yep.

TALIESIN: Very low investigation.

LAURA: I have really low investigation, I have good perception.

MATT: So it's not so much you don't know where to find the places, that's part of it, but the places you do find your special brand of... personal engagement seems to be a little less, I don't know, trustworthy.

LAURA: I don't know what you're talking about, Matthew.

MATT: A few of the rougher subjects you come across tend to shut you down rather quickly.

LAURA: Fighting? Fighting?

MATT: (gruff voice) "I don't know what you're talking about there," and just walks the other direction. You spend the next hour or so following Jester's lead and it's just like every film montage where there's doors slamming. (mimics slams)

LAURA: I don't think the city has any. Sorry, guys.

SAM: Caleb said they had some!

MARISHA: Here, let's, um-- did we pass a dive bar?

MATT: You've passed a few.

MARISHA: Which one looked the most skeezy?

MATT: That would be the Grim Shelf Tavern.

MARISHA: Let's go back to that place, get a drink. Sit for a minute.

SAM: Maybe if we ask one more person, maybe the barkeep there or some shady big fellow or big lady with some muscles.

MARISHA: What was it called?

TRAVIS: The Grim Shelf Tavern.

MATT: It's a small dive. It's maybe... 30 by 20 feet. It's a little closet of a bar. It sits maybe 12 people total and as you walk in, there's already eight folk that are drinking that all look to be, I don't know, anywhere from the range of grizzled miners to cutthroats to beggars, and there's conservation at certain tables and some people that are playing cards, and as soon as you enter the building, everyone turns and the room gets quiet and watches you as you enter.

TRAVIS: Does the inside of the tavern match the outside footprint?

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

MATT: Make an intelligence check.

MARISHA: What he says. Before we-- we just peek open the door.

TRAVIS: 21.

MATT: 21, it seems to.

MARISHA: Should we go to another one that's, like, bigger? Is this wrong, is this the wrong choice?

TRAVIS: I don't know. If it's not here, I feel like someone in here knows where it would be.

MARISHA: All right.

TRAVIS: Hold on. Yasha?

ASHLEY: You want me to go ask somebody? Okay, so I'm going to walk inside.

MATT: Is she just going in?

TRAVIS: No, no, I'll go in with her.

MATT: Okay, so Fjord and Yasha, you guys enter, the room quiets, they watch as you walk in. Eventually they go back to their muttered conversations and drinks and card games. You can see at the edge of the bar there is a burly-looking man probably in his early 60s or so. Imagine, if you will, a very, very even more sunburned Hulk Hogan. Like, right now Hulk Hogan with this stained cloth apron on, sleeves rolled up, tattooed forearms, looking forward with the full skullet going down, as opposed to the Hogan 'stache, it's a just beard goatee mess right here. Probably has three teeth in his mouth and as you walk up, he looks over. "So what can I get ya?"

ASHLEY: Actually, yeah, we had a- a question. Are there any, you know, fighting pits around here where you can sort of have a little play time? If you know what I mean.

MATT: "Why? Are you two looking to go get your arses beat?"

ASHLEY: No, we're looking to go beat asses, so.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

ASHLEY: Okay. (chuckles)

TRAVIS: I will assist!

MATT: Okay, what do you say to assist?

TRAVIS: You know, we have lots of coin to spend, and frustration to get out, we are rather unintimidating. It couldn't hurt to share.

ASHLEY: Now is this persuasion or is this intimidation?

MATT: Depends on how you want to take it.

ASHLEY: I want it to be intimidating.

MATT: So how are you intimidating? So as you're talking in this conversation, she changes tracks on this. (laughter) So you're like "Hm, got some coin to spend."

ASHLEY: Not necessarily intimidating him, but just looking tough where he'd be like, "Oh, yeah, they want to go have a good time." I think-- I don't know. I'm persuading him, I'll take it, It's a negative two, I was trying to persuade the DM.

MATT: I understand, I understand. (laughter)

ASHLEY: 11.

SAM: Did you roll with advantage?

MATT: Yeah, because he's helping you.

ASHLEY: That's right, that's right. Okay. Yes! Okay. 17.

LAURA: That's better.

MATT: 17, that's much better. He goes, "Yeah, I know a place. Not here, though. You ever heard of the Stone Coffin?"

TRAVIS: Well, I don't believe we have, no.

MATT: "Well, that's the place you'll be looking for. (chuckles)"

ASHLEY: The Stone Coffin.

MATT: "It's a basement ring beneath the King's Cut Butchery. You'll need to ask the owner, the proprietor, Jacquel Brome. Say you're for the Stone Coffin. She'll probably take care of you from there."

ASHLEY: She'll take care of us.

TRAVIS: Jacquel Brond?

MATT: "Jacquel Brome."

TRAVIS: Brome.

ASHLEY: Basement beneath the, the King--

MATT: "The King's Cut Butchery."

ASHLEY: King's Cut Butchery.

TRAVIS: Fantastic, I appreciate you sharing what you know. And I'll slide two silver across the bar.

MATT: He goes (coughs).

TRAVIS: Take it back and I'll slide a gold across the bar.

MATT: "Pleasure doing business with the both of you. Hey. May Kord look down upon your glory." He takes the silver and puts it away.

TRAVIS: Dope.

ASHLEY: Thank you.

MATT: You see, he probably noticed the not very well hidden symbol on your belt buckle and got a spark in his eye. Not the kind of the person that would turn you in for unapproved iconography.

ASHLEY: I give him a nod and remember that that symbol is out and about and I cover it.

TRAVIS: I don't know, maybe just like loud and proud, why not?

ASHLEY: Well, I think in these parts--

TRAVIS: It's not okay, this is not okay. I mean, we have a little bit of favor.

ASHLEY: Yeah, but I feel like the Wildmother is so different.

TRAVIS: Still not technically legal or allowed or permitted, but--

ASHLEY: Okay, well then, I'll show it.

MATT: All right. So you guys ask around. It's nighttime now, it's close to 10:30 or so by the time you've gone on a couple of hours of wild goose chase.

SAM: I usually try to sleep by 10.

LAURA: Yeah, me too.

MATT: So just letting you know at this point, it's into the evening. Eventually you come upon a particular building that is set between a high-end hat shop called Cy's Toppers that is currently closed and a seller of fine pottery that is also closed. But in the center you see what is probably the largest butcher shop you've ever encountered. Dozens of salt-rubbed animal carcasses hang on hooks on display by the front window. Being this late in the evening, it looks like it's in the process of closing. Like there's maybe two customers still in there. You're surprised it's still open this late for a butchery. There's a swinging door that opens and exits. As one person steps out holding a large cloth-wrapped section of meat and pushes past you and you see one more customer in there that's currently giving an order. There are other staff that look like they're going home for the night, that are putting their stuff away. You can see there's a plume of smoke that's rising from the chimney and you can already smell the hickory and smoked meats from even just a good 10 yards from the front. It's a pretty decent butchery. As you walk in a bit, pushing the swinging door to the side, you can see there's a number of tables where waiting customers would probably sit, though it is mostly empty at this point. The front counter is where you would imagine a whirling bevy of butchers taking orders would be, but right now you can see there is just one individual that is in the process of giving the final cut to the previous customer. You see a female half-orc, fit for a woman in her 50s, standing about six foot or so and is finishing final cuts and then handing them over to the last customer before looking up to you and goes, "Oh, we're closed."

TRAVIS: Sorry, perhaps you could make an exception. We're looking for Jacquel Brome.

MATT: "You found me, but you can come by tomorrow when we're open."

TRAVIS: Oh, yeah, I'm just afraid we wouldn't be able to find The Stone's Coffin tomorrow.

MATT: Make a persuasion check. (laughter)

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: That's still good.

MATT: "Sorry, I can't help you there. You have to ask somewhere else." Waits for the customer to leave and--

TRAVIS: Understandable, our fault.

MATT: "No type of business in this part of the city. My apologies. All right, come here." Pulls you off into the side office chamber where you can see there's a desk. It's pretty well furnished. Most of the shop looks pretty simple and functional, but the inside of this personal office, she has a desk and a chair and a couple of chairs that face the front of the desk where either she had some intense conversations with employees, or other people. Nice collection of brass knick knacks across it. It's a nice desk. It feels out of place for the rest of the establishment. She sits down on the chair, puts her feet up, crossed on the edge of the table, looks up at you with the two curled tusks that rise from the lower jaw. Glances over with a smile. "So you both looking to make some money?"

TRAVIS: Indeed, or lose it, more for the activity.

MATT: "See, there's the type of mindset I like. People pay to be entertained. Can make money either way, depending. Depending. Downside, however, is that the next big fight's in a month, so you kind of missed a big event. But if you're looking to fight soon, I can call in a special bout."

TRAVIS: Most definitely.

MATT: "Won't be the run of contenders, but we can call in some of our local usuals for a bit of one-on-one fights. The buy-in's more expensive because I've got to throw it together on me own time, so--"

TRAVIS: Oh, of course. It's quite a bit of work on your end, it seems. What kind of timeline are we talking about here?

MATT: "One day, two days."

TRAVIS: One day.

ASHLEY: Tomorrow night? Would that work for you?

MATT: "Depends on what you're asking here. We got two different types of bouts. One of our special bouts is fists. No armor, no weapons. Fight till u unconsciousness. Standard buy-in entry for these special bouts is 75 gold pieces. Winner takes 150, plus 10% of the crowd's pot. Unless you want to challenge our champion?"

TRAVIS: Well, I just couldn't resist not knowing what that might be, it just sounds so interesting.

MATT: "And there's a 200 gold buy-in. Winner takes 400, and 10% of the crowd's pot."

ASHLEY: Who's your champion?

MATT: "You ever heard of Kal Dimmins?"

TRAVIS: Kal Dimmins?

ASHLEY: Kal Dimmins?

TRAVIS: No, I don't believe so.

MATT: "Don't worry, she can hit like a truck. There's a reason she's the champion, so don't underestimate her. But, like I said, standard entry. We just take any sort of other random arsehole that wants to jump in there with you."

TRAVIS: Same thing for your champion, no armor no weapons?

MATT: "For that sort of bout, yeah. There's also steel bouts, that's armor, weapons, whatever techniques you want to bring to the table as long as you don't accidentally endanger any of our crowd visitors, compatriots, patrons. Standard entry for that is 200 for the special bout. Winner takes 400, plus 20% of the crowd's intake. Or you could fight our champion there."

TRAVIS: This is very interesting. You are quite handy with a blade.

MATT: "Buy-in for that, though, is 600 gold each. Winner takes 1,200 gold pieces, plus 20% of the crowd's pot."

SAM: Crikey.

(Travis laughs)

MATT: "Do you hear something?" (laughter)

TRAVIS: Crickets.

ASHLEY: There might be a few more of us that would be partaking in the fun, so I think we need to ask them maybe.

MATT: "How many are you thinking? If it's a lot, that's going to be more challenging to put together on a short day's notice."

TRAVIS: I think by more participants, they'll be paying the standard fee at the door. I don't know how many combatants we'll have.

MATT: "Ah, well there's always participants, watchers, if you want, people to go ahead and put down some money on it. That's always welcome."

TRAVIS: I think there might be two to three combatants and our party might be, oh, six or more?

MATT: "Three I can do, no more, not for within a few days. You have to wait for the next event for that one to work out."

TRAVIS: What do you think?

ASHLEY: Seems fair enough.

TRAVIS: Unarmed or Magician's Judge?

ASHLEY: I feel like... I feel like an unarmed feels like... I feel like I miss it. It's been a minute since I've hit somebody with just my fist.

MATT: "So you want to go in there with just the fists bout, right?"

ASHLEY: I don't know, what do you think, Fjord?

TRAVIS: You know! (laughter)

ASHLEY: Maybe not.

TRAVIS: I appreciate your curious nature, but I think I would probably go with the weapons.

MATT: "Steel and fists?"

TRAVIS: For me, just--

ASHLEY: We could each do different ones.

MATT: "No, you're choosing which one you want to go into. Depends on want you want to pay for and who you want to fight."

TRAVIS: But I would defer to you, I'm actually more interested in seeing you doing your thing, so if you want to do unarmed, that's the way we should go.

ASHLEY: Can I think about it and decide tomorrow? Or do you need to know?

MATT: "Depends on who I have to get. I have to know who I have to call in here."

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay.

LAURA: You guys can do different ones.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'm going to do unarmed.

MATT: "So we've got one for fists, standard or champion?"

LAURA: Yeah, do your own thing.

ASHLEY: Champion.

MARISHA: Fisticuffs, hell yeah, man.

MATT: She gives you a look over. "You look like you've seen some toughness in your day."

ASHLEY: You could say that.

MATT: "Got some scars, got some arms on ya. All right. 200 gold."

ASHLEY: 200 gold. Okay, yeah. That's worth a little night of happiness.

MATT: "All right."

TRAVIS: And I will be able to speak on behalf of our third combatant, I believe she will also partake in unarmed combat.

MATT: "All right."

TRAVIS: Not a champion's fight. And for myself, the steel.

LAURA: (whispering) Not the champion's fight?

MATT: "All right. So 75 gold pieces for your compatriot into standard."

TRAVIS: 75 and mine. And mine was--?

MATT: "Yours is 200 for the standard entry, or 600 if you want to go against the champion."

TRAVIS: I'll go standard.

MATT: "Standard."

TRAVIS: So 275.

MARISHA: (whispering) Sign me up for the champ.

TRAVIS: Is there a possibility of having two champion bouts?

MATT: "I think the champion's only around for one fight. That's a bit tough of an ask, that one."

TRAVIS: Of course, pigeons.

ASHLEY: Oh, I feel like... You know what? I feel like Beau would want a champion, maybe we-- maybe we get this for her, you know? And then I can just fight--

TRAVIS: Standard?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Sure.

MATT: "Do you want to take on the champion for the steel then?"

LAURA: Ooh, do that!

MARISHA: Do that, do it. Do it, bitch.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LAURA: Well, that's 600 gold.

ASHLEY: Yeah. Oh, it's tempting.

TRAVIS: You got a lot of shit, you got rage.

ASHLEY: Oh, yeah, I can use all that.

MATT: "It's up to you."

TRAVIS: But remember, it's whatever technique, only some damage is halved and if they come in with that other shit. It's up to you.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'm going to go with it. I'm going to stay with what I asked for. I'm fighting the champion. Unarmed champion.

MATT: "Unarmed champion. Unarmed standard. And you, steel, standard. All right, 200 gold, 275 from you for both of those."

TRAVIS: Got it.

MATT: "Pay it up."

MARISHA: I reimburse you.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

MATT: "No more entries. Should be able to lock this down by tomorrow night. I'd say check in tomorrow midday just to confirm in case one of them is busy and can't make it."

TRAVIS: Is there something else that we should mention as a token of our agreement other than Stone's Coffin? Stone Coffin?

MATT: "Well, what do you mean?"

TRAVIS: I don't know, like a code word. Something to keep it fun and lively, like chicken wax.

MATT: "Well, wait till about this time when I close tomorrow. Come on by. Say you're in for that special cut that I put aside for you."

TRAVIS: Special cut?

ASHLEY: Special cut you put aside.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that moist brisket. That lean tri tip.

MATT: "Are you making fun of me?"

TRAVIS: No, no, I'm not.

ASHLEY: He was just going through, he knows all the meat cuts.

TRAVIS: Trying to put a little flavor to it.

TALIESIN: That was a question recently.

MATT: "Good meat joke, I like it."

ASHLEY: We'll be back this time tomorrow, then, and we'll have some fun.

MATT: All right."

LAURA: While they've been in the office, I've been using my special paint and just painting googly eyes on the boar's heads that I'm assuming that are out the dead pigs and any animals I just want to paint the googly eyes on them with the special paint so that they turn into real googly eyes.

MATT: Yeah, it's grotesque. (chuckles) You painted cartoony and you back away and slowly they go, (slurps) and become actual bulging white eyes going like, sticking out of these--

LAURA: Oh!

MATT: Terrible open, organ-less pig corpses.

LAURA: This is fucked up. I was picturing way more like plasticky-looking, but oh, this is fucked up.

SAM: Real eyes on a dead pig.

TALIESIN: No.

LAURA: No, no.

MATT: "Well, I've got to close up, see you tomorrow."

ASHLEY: All right, thank you, Jacquel.

MATT: "What's your name, by the way?"

ASHLEY: My name is Yasha.

MATT: "Yasha, you are?"

TRAVIS: Fjord.

MATT: "Fjord, and who's your third compatriot coming?"

TRAVIS: That will be Beau, Beauregard.

MATT: "All right, where do you hail from?"

ASHLEY: Oh, well, uh...

TRAVIS: Port Damali for me.

MATT: "Doesn't have to be accurate, I just got to have something to announce you with."

ASHLEY: From, uh... From Xhorhas.

MATT: "Ah, good cover. You, the other one, the other one?"

TRAVIS: Where the fuck would Beau be from?

ASHLEY: I think she said she's from Hupperdook.

TRAVIS: Upper Duke, Upper Duke? Upper-- Upper Hupper?

LAURA: Up Hup.

TRAVIS: Up Hup.

ASHLEY: Up Hup Hup.

TRAVIS: Up Hup.

MATT: "From Up Hup?"

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Makes a note.

TRAVIS: Started Down Dook, went Up Hup.

MATT: "All right, filter out, I'll see you tomorrow." Leads you out, steps outside. You guys watch as they emerge from the office. She's like, I've got a crew here. We finished our business, purchase is made. Your meat will be ready tomorrow.

TRAVIS: Yep, meat will be ready tomorrow.

LAURA: (chuckles)

SAM: Thank you.

LAURA: Thank you, good night.

MATT: "Good night," pushes you out, closes, locks it up.

TRAVIS: That was a complete success. We have three fights.

LAURA: I just listen to see if she--

MATT: (muffled) "What the fuck!"

LAURA: (laughs) Run away!

SAM: Let's go!

MATT: You guys go charging into the night.

TRAVIS: What'd you do, what'd you do, what'd you do? So we have three fights. Yasha's going to fight unarmed, with their champion.

LAURA: Ooh!

TRAVIS: I signed you up for some bare bones standard fare.

MARISHA: Fuck yeah, you know me so well.

TRAVIS: And then I had to use a sword, because let's be fair, I'm not really that--

SAM: You're very puny.

LAURA: You're very strong, no! He's not, he's not puny anymore! Look at how strong he is, and I poke on his muscles.

MARISHA: We've been working this shit.

SAM: I know, but you can't--

LAURA: I saw, I saw! His pec just moved.

TRAVIS: Yeah, they move.

LAURA: (gasps) Nott, his pecs moved.

SAM: I understand that, but he's still gangly and every time he picks up the sword I hear his wrist crack a little bit.

TALIESIN: I thought that was just dramatic wind.

TRAVIS: No, it's the push ups.

MARISHA: Just a little tendonitis. That's nothing, don't worry about that.

SAM: It's like a tennis elbow.

TRAVIS: Build your pectoral muscles.

LAURA: Do it again, do it again, do it again. Oh! (giggles)

SAM: You can do that! Your little weasel moves every once in a while.

TRAVIS: (as Sprinkle) Kill me!

(laughter)

MATT: You have some pecs on you. You can probably do that.

SAM: Yep, your weasel's moving around in there! (laughter) Let's throw some bacon down your shirt.

LAURA: Oh, he likes it.

MATT: All right.

SAM: All right, let's go home and go to sleep. It's late, come on.

MATT: All right, you guys get back. It's a little bit past midnight after all the traveling and checking things out and making this whole thing work out, situated for tomorrow night's whatever this is going to be, you found a fight pit.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh.

MATT: You finish your evening's research.

LIAM: As soon as they left, 20 minutes after they left, Caleb went up to his room, can I use that home brew to do something super simple here?

SAM: Masturbated, yes.

LIAM: So Caleb goes up to his room and places, um, five pieces of--

MATT: Silver thread everywhere.

LIAM: Five pieces of amber on the floor, after he masturbates, and takes his holster with the books on it off and places the entire set of holsters and books into the center of this circle of five amber pieces and mutters a few words and starts to trace his fingers through the air and casts Widogast's Vault of Amber. And the harnesses and the books just (inhales sharply) shrink in and a little beam of light burns along the floor towards the piece of amber closest to Caleb and they are gone and he collects up the pieces, the largest one and puts them away into his bag and sets off for the Shimmer Ward.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: To find her house.

MATT: All right. So.

TRAVIS: (quietly) Oh, shit, forgot.

MATT: Situated in the northeastern reaches of the Shimmer Ward, you come upon the address stated in the letter. 31st Wodestone Manor. A respectable manner house rests on an expansive property that seems to bear numerous other abodes, across its sneaking grasses and fencing. All which wrap around and sit in the shadow of one of the ominous towers of the Candles, a familiar one. Her manor house is one of many that sit on a property that encircles Trent Ikithon's tower. You can see the manor house is largely built from bleached pale wood and dark window frames, making for a curious contrast. It looks very nice.

LIAM: How many stories is it?

MATT: This home is one and a half. The second story is, I mean, it's two stories, but it's not like a major building, it's like a smaller, additional room, maybe. It's nice, but it's not as big as some of the other estates you've seen here. But at this point and time for you, I'd say it's past sunset, so it's evening. Some of the lanterns in the district are lit. Some folk are walking through, but most of the Shimmer Ward has died down.

LIAM: Is it lit?

MATT: The interior is lit.

LIAM: Well, he, um... Stands in the street for 10 minutes, thereabouts, and just stares at the tower and finally works up the courage and approaches the front door. If there is anything to knock?

MATT: There is a knocker, a little iron knocker.

LIAM: Yeah.

(knocks)

MATT: A few moments pass before the door. (mimics creaking) You see a male halfling in a nice formal-looking suit, hair pulled back in a loose pony tail, dark hair, looks kind of young, opens and goes, "Might I help you?"

LIAM: Ja, I'm here to see the lady of the house.

MATT: "And who might you be?"

LIAM: My name is Bren Aldric Ermendrud.

MATT: "I'll pass this on to the lady. Please be patient."

SAM: (whispering) Bren Aldric Ermendrud.

MATT: "The lady will see you shortly. If you would please step in. There is a guest holding chamber. If you wouldn't mind waiting for a moment?"

LIAM: Of course.

MATT: "Of course." As you step inside, the hosting chambers is this very sparsely decorated room. The interior, while the exterior looks very nice, the interior's very minimalistic. You've seen a lot of garish homes from the inside of a lot of affluent folk that're just filled with decor and paintings and it's very much a display. This house, a lot of the rooms just feel more empty, but not in a way that feels like it's unintentional. It's just very, everything is particularly placed and spacious and this hosting chamber is no different. Small table under the window, those two couches Not much else, the walls are pretty barren here. But you're brought to the seat, and what you gather now is probably the servant of the manor exits.

LIAM: I sit absolutely stock still and don't move a muscle.

MATT: You can feel your heart beat throughout your whole body just (mimics beating) your entire chest is hot and swelling with the nerves that are curling in your stomach. You begin to hear footsteps approach. The archway that leads into the hosting chamber, a figure steps in and raises a hand and the low candle light in the room gets brighter to lighten the interior and you see a human woman in her mid 30s, dirty blonde hair, extremely short in the back, but long and side-combed in the front, framing the right side of her face to just past the chin. She looks over towards you, a familiar face of older with a hard look in her eyes, but a smile, with a heavy scar that is new, that rides from the top of the brow down to the bottom of the chin. She's dressed simply.

LIAM: I rise.

MATT: (German accent) "It has been some time. I was not expecting... You. Bren."

LIAM: (American accent) Let's speak in our regular tongue.

MATT: She responds in Zemnian. (American accent) "Of course."

LIAM: Hi.

MATT: "Hello."

LIAM: I think I've been imagining and dreading this moment for longer than I care to admit.

MATT: "Hm. I'm sorry dread was a word, but... I'm sure you have your reasons."

LIAM: There's so many things that I--

MATT: "Sit. Sit." She steps across the room to meet you on the opposite couch and sits and rolls her sleeves up on her blouse where you can see the same marked maze-like tattoos that you have previously seen on Eadwulf's-- or the arms of the halfling that was next to him.

LIAM: What color are they?

MATT: They appear to be black.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: She sits down, pulls them up a bit, crosses her hands across her knee and sits across from you.

LIAM: So much... What happened?

MATT: "A lot of things have happened, Bren. Where would you like me to begin?"

LIAM: The last thing I remember is my home.

MATT: (Astrid sighs) "We're... chosen for a reason. From obscurity picked from the rest of the riffraff for something that we can do. And to... seize such a destiny... can cause a lot of heartache. And we can do some terrible things."

LIAM: It's strange, I find myself wanting to, um... apologize. Still... So much of me feels like... I failed. But... a lot has changed. And I know some things now that I didn't as a boy, and, I am so glad to see you.

MATT: (Astrid chuckles) "I'm glad to see you too, Bren. I mean, it's been well over a decade that... And still often I've talked about and wondered where you were, if you were okay."

LIAM: How did I... (clears throat) He's in a cold sweat. How did I get to the Sanatorium?

MATT: "We took you there. You had a breaking point and understandably... began to lash out. Part of that same spark that was seen in you could create a lot of sparks everywhere else." And you see she reaches up and scratches a bit and you can see there's burn scars on the side of her neck there. "But for your own good. We took care of you. And we brought you there. But we had to subdue you first. You were too dangerous to us and to yourself."

LIAM: I was there a long time.

MATT: "And we always hoped that you'd... that you'd improve, and at times you did, and... I mean, to be honest, even looking at you now and hearing some of the things that you are doing... I mean, you've defied all of our expectations. And if you feel like you've failed, then know that everyone's path goes at different paces. You've certainly proven now that you are in no way or shape a failure."

LIAM: What are you doing these days?

MATT: "I'm doing a bit of tutelage. I'm... doing what we were meant to do, which is keep our people safe."

LIAM: Is it difficult for you?

MATT: "At times. But I take pride in my work. And I've stopped some terrible things from happening. And I have seen some of the possibilities of what can be done... with the right application with the right minds."

LIAM: Had you heard, that my, uh, friends and I were here?

MATT: "And it was rather rapid chatter once Trent had notified us of the return of a lost pup."

LIAM: You know what the Mighty Nein and I are leaving to do?

MATT: "I've heard and I'm very curious. It seems... I mean, it seems so not what I would have expected from you. So much more. I'm impressed, I'm proud."

LIAM: When I, um... Came back to myself, in Vergesson, there was a woman. A patient, I think. She healed me? And... this might be hard for me to convince you, but she helped me see things. What we did that night... I did fail. But I didn't fail the Empire. I failed myself and my mother and father. He... lied... to me. I know he lied. And if he would lie to me about that, it is hard for me to understand what he wouldn't lie about.

MATT: (Astrid sighs) "Bren. I'm so sorry. (sighs) I'm so sorry." She reaches out and touches your cheek.

LIAM: Insight check.

MATT: Insight check.

LAURA: Oh, god!

MARISHA: No, no.

LAURA: She's evil.

SAM: It's a good insight check. Good roll, good insight check.

LIAM: 27.

MATT: Well, since everybody else is at this table, I don't have to whisper to you. She seems very genuinely mournful for your pain and your suffering, but there's also a hardness to it like a less this was a terrible thing that happened. This is more a I'm sorry you suffered, as we've suffered, as many people have suffered for ever and ever. Life is suffering. And some things are necessary. That's what you glean, with a very high insight check.

SAM: Does she seem horny?

MATT: You're not there. (laughter) "To be gifted in a world filled with hardship like this is to do things we're not proud of and to question the choices we make and to regret the things we wish we could change. Do I agree with everything that I've been asked to do? No. Do I think about it, do I lament? Do I see the faces of the people I've watched expire at my own hand? All the time. But I also know the reason that we get to sleep, every night, in a comfortable inn bed, or in a manor, as do the many families and children just like we were, just like the families we once had that don't have to make the choices we did. They still get to live, happily and comfortably, because the few, the chosen few, made the hard choice, and do what few have the will to do."

LIAM: I, um... I'm sorry. I will... never forget what we were. And... even now, all these years later, I can't shake it, I still, care a great deal... about you. At least... the girl I knew. But... he has blinded you. You and Wulf... and all of his little helpers. And I mourn our childhood, and our souls.

MATT: She reaches up, puts her hand on your knee. "I understand your anger. And as much as... He's been our teacher, he's not infallible. He's just an old man, with the right connections, who will one day pass, like they all do."

LIAM: You always were ambitious.

MATT: "So are you, apparently, Bren. Like I said. I'm proud of you."

LIAM: It's good to see you. I think, um... I think I'd better go. I raise my hand slowly up and just... touch the scar. Run my thumb down it. Too many scars.

MATT: "I regret none of them. Except one."

LIAM: What was that?

MATT: "Except one."

LIAM: Thank you for allowing me into your home. Maybe we will see each other again.

MATT: "You're welcome any time, Bren. I'd like to see more of you."

LIAM: Yeah, maybe... And I speak in Common again. (German accent) We'll see. My friends are depending on me.

MATT: (German accent) "Of course. Then you should probably get to them."

LIAM: I'm just sort of hanging onto her face for a minute. Think about staying. And walk towards the door.

MATT: She gets up and follows behind. At your pace. Keeping her own distance from you so as not to crowd.

LIAM: Guten nacht.

MATT: "Guten nacht." She grabs and squeezes your hand for a moment before giving a nod to her servant who opens the front door. (mimics creaking) Releases it and just stands there, arms crossed in front, watching you.

LIAM: I turn and go. And I will wind my back to our lodgings.

MATT: And that's where we're going to take a break.

MARISHA: Oh, man.

TRAVIS: So many questions.

LAURA: I have so many questions. I didn't trust a single word coming out of her mouth.

SAM: She was honest and she's just trying to, I think she's just--

LAURA: One.

SAM: What?

LAURA: She's actually Trent Ikithon.

SAM: No.

LAURA: Two! Trent Ikithon's upstairs. She'd just got done boning him, and came downstairs to talk to you.

SAM: That could be.

MARISHA: He's hella old.

LAURA: Exactly.

SAM: She doesn't care. She's brainwashed. It's a harem, it's some sort of cult thing.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she thinks he's amazing.

TRAVIS: When you touched her face, your hand connected with skin, right, not illusion?

LIAM: Well, he would've had to tell me.

MATT: Yeah, no, you felt--

LIAM: You feel feathers.

LAURA: Did it feel extra wrinkly compared to what you were touching or was it way more wrinkly? Was there stubble?

LIAM: Touch blows illusion spell, so I would have had to feel something different than--

SAM: Yeah, but Trent Ikithon could know some crazy dunamancy spell that overcomes that.

TALIESIN: What if he just really moisturizes a lot.

MATT: Summon Tova cream.

TALIESIN: Supple, beautiful skin.

TRAVIS: He's got Paul Newman face, just amazing.

TALIESIN: Oh, wow, good, good reference.

MATT: He's been moisturizing from the beginning.

LIAM: You can't un-Redford your face. That's just... (laughter)

ASHLEY: Why would you?

LIAM: Why would you? Exactly.

MATT: Oh, man. All righty, well, we're going to go ahead and take a break. We'll be back here shortly, guys. We do have our final giveaway of 2019. We have the, god, this name always-- a padauk?

LAURA: Paddock?

SAM: Paduck?

MATT: I always end up pronouncing it 17 different ways and then never remembering which one is the right one, so this dice vault, this is actually one of my favorites, the orange color's awesome, to one of you lucky winners out there, the key word tonight is holidays, plural. Holidays.

LAURA: ♪ Holidays! ♪

MATT: Enter it once, more than once, you'll be disqualified in the chat, and once again, US and Canada only, excluding Quebec because stupid laws, we'll have winner when we return here in a few minutes.

Break
♪ You got perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click open the web page ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you're ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In that mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It's D&D;, D&D;, yeah! ♪ ♪ D&D; Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D;, D&D;, yeah! ♪ ♪ D&D; Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you've got your swords, ♪ ♪ And you got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It's D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; Beyond ♪ YEV (V.O.): (humming "We Didn't Start the Fire") ♪ Evil cultists, watery graves, magic fun ball misbehaves ♪ ♪ Giant forges, dead man teas, little talking crow ♪ ♪ Spurt and Twiggy not as twitchy ♪ ♪ Pumat Prime, dodecahedron, Uk'otoa, Traveler Con ♪ ♪ Tharizdun below ♪ YEV: (humming "We Didn't Start the Fire") ♪ Xhorhas, Yeza, Bright Queen, Allura ♪ ♪ Yasha, Laughing Hand, Yussa, and Halas is bad ♪ ♪ Essek, beacon, Dairon be sneaking ♪ ♪ Obann, Rexxentrum, Jester finds her blue dad ♪ ♪ We didn't start the fire ♪ Do my hips look okay? This is really formal. Oh, that's better. Hello, Critters, and good evening. I'm Yev and I'm back with Backblaze. So much has happened since the last time I saw you. (chuckles) Does that work or does that look just silly? The Mighty Nein have been hard at work doing whatever it is they're trying to do anymore. I think that is sufficiently vague and also perfectly encapsulates how the show is going. Some of you may have never heard about Backblaze and others may have just been waiting to see my pretty face again. Nope, let's start over. Backblaze is an online backup service for your Mac or your PC. It backs up all the data that's on your computer and stores it safely on our cloud. Whenever you need it back, we can get it back to you and you can get back up and running. Or if you just want to show off some of your fan art, or fan fiction, you can pull it down right on your phone and have it available with you, wherever you are. Oh, I don't want that to be visible. Has it been visible this whole time? It's nice to be back, we love sponsoring the show. We love supporting the Critical Role and Critter community. Go to Backblaze.com/CriticalRole. Start your free Backblaze trial. It's just six dollars a month for unlimited backup. You can back up all the data that's on your computer. We'll store it for you. Look at this trustworthy face. No, see, now it's just going off the rails. I wish I could start singing again because that was going so much better. I'm Yev with Backblaze. It's been a blast sharing the screen time with you again and I'll see you next time. (humming "We Didn't Start the Fire") BRIAN (V.O.): Last time, on Talks Machina. BRIAN: Nott has been working hard for a long time to reconnect Caleb with Astrid. Does Nott just think this is the best way to make her friend happy? Or does she have other reasons for seemingly going against Caleb's wishes on the matter and trying to push a reunion? SAM: Nott is just trying to get Caleb laid, because Astrid, for all that we've heard, is a gorgeous Zemnian young lady, with talents for magic, who titillated Caleb in his youth, and if they can somehow get together and, you know, (grunts) everyone who sees Caleb-- that's fucking, by the way. Everyone who sees Caleb has to admit has to know that this guy... He needs some fuckin'. This guy needs to get-- BRIAN: Does Nott believe that would solve maybe a lot of his problems? SAM: Yeah, loosen this guy up! He's been 11 years just wallowing in self pity. LIAM: Technically, he was vegetative, but-- SAM: Yeah, wallowing, in a vegetative state, when he could have been railing Astrid. DANI: Wow. BRIAN: Okay. Well, the only thing that could save us now is probably Cosplay of the Week. Our winner for this week was sent in by KP, which is @KP. Is it 11 photos? CREW MEMBER: One one. BRIAN: Thank you. @KP11photos. Here we go. SAM: Here we go. Ooh! DANI: Yes! LIAM: Nice. BRIAN: Look at that. Such a great take on Gilmore. DANI: Looks so good! BRIAN: You've mentioned previously that due to his time in the asylum, you think of Caleb as much younger than he is. Is Caleb conscious of this gap between his physical and mental age, and if so, how has he processed being in a body 11 years older than he feels? Has seeing Eadwulf-- I was only going to get it once-- again thrown into this sharp relief? LIAM: I think the only sense he has of the fact that he missed a huge portion of his life is seeing Ikithon and seeing Eadwulf because it's a grown ass man in front of him instead of a teenage boy, which is what we he remembers. And Ikithon is pastier and older. He was old and pasty then, but he is pastier. He doesn't walk around thinking like "Oh, I'm Tom Hanks in Big. "I am the wrong age for my size." I mean, he definitely is like, I lost a huge thing, but he's just him, I don't know. I don't know, he more just feels like he lost time. He doesn't feel like a 15-year-old piloting an adult's body. BRIAN: Right, yeah. SAM: However, living in a body that's 11 years older than you feel is something that I can relate to, because I feel 24, but I am 35. (laughter) LIAM: Submit! (laughter) BRIAN: There it is. At what point, pre or during the campaign, did you come up with the idea for Nott's crush on Caleb? Has it affected the amount of conflict she feels about going back to her former life? SAM: Nott is a... Sexual woman, and she sees that there is a potential for a sexual man in front of her. BRIAN: But he's busy blasting Astrid! SAM: But he's not, he's not! BRIAN: You don't know that for sure. SAM: She wants him to blast someone, and if Astrid is out of the picture, she's perfectly capable. BRIAN: But blastin' Nott doesn't have the same ring to it. DANI: Nott is married! SAM: Nott is married, but not for a while. Didn't think that she was ever going to see her husband again and there's long nights on the road, huddling for warmth. I mean, she'd be stupid not to at least consider the idea of this rugged wizard guy. LIAM: Rather than blasting Astrid, are you suggesting a Nott Pocket? DANI: Oh, no! BRIAN: ♪ Nott Pocket. ♪ SAM: Oh, it's happening. DANI: Ooh. LIAM: I mean, this is how you look to me all the time. Now the audience can see it, too. SAM: I'm just saying, it makes a lot of sense to me. BRIAN: Look at him while you talk while you answer this. SAM: Caleb. BRIAN: No, look at each other, you idiots. SAM: Liam. BRIAN: People are paying good money. We paid a lot of money for these effects. SAM: Will you be will you be-- will you have a fictional affair with my fictional character? LIAM: Are you asking me to ham Sam? BRIAN: He's asking you to avoid blasting Astrid-- LIAM: I'll take the ham Samwich. BRIAN: And instead to plot Nott. SAM: Fuck the brave. (laughs) BRIAN: "Fuck the brave." DANI: What is this episode? BRIAN: Fuck the brave. LIAM: This is it. This is the worst one. The last one of 2019, the last episode of Talks Machina. This is the worst one. (dramatic orchestral music)

Part II
MATT: Welcome back. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Oh, that was weird.

MATT: Almost.

MARISHA: I've never been this successful in my life.

MATT: That's okay.

TALIESIN: She's going to chip a tooth.

MATT: You got other things to do successfully. We do have our winner of our Wyrmwood giveaway. The winner tonight is Broke Little Toe.

ALL: Aww.

TRAVIS: Those are the worst, man.

MATT: I know. Congratulations, Broke Little Toe. We'll get that to you ASAP, happy holidays.

TALIESIN: No, I'm good.

MATT: So!

ASHLEY: Oh, good one.

LAURA: Mm-hm.

ASHLEY: You get the thing and--

TALIESIN: It's the Aron Berg sack.

MATT: As you all rest for the evening-- by the way, your 24-hour reading span, if you're still going through the night, is reduced to, I'll say, with the search and everything, to 21 hours.

ASHLEY: Got it.

MATT: You still do have a point of exhaustion, which will carry into this fight. And if it happens the next evening, so as you all come to the next morning...

MARISHA: That's so bad ass.

MATT: The day is yours. Anything else you want to accomplish during the day, or do you want to--

LAURA: During the day.

MARISHA: Back to the library!

SAM: Oh, god.

MARISHA: For me.

MATT: Okay, all right. Well, starting with Beauregard. You make your way back to--

MARISHA: Before I leave, though, I go, Jess? I'm going to the library, if you want to come, just throwin' it out there, you don't have to, but I felt bad about not inviting you before.

LAURA: Cool, I think I'm okay.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want anything?

LAURA: Draw some dicks, please.

MARISHA: Okay, yeah.

LAURA: Or anything you want to. It doesn't have to be dicks, Beau. You could draw an elephant butt.

MARISHA: Okay. Just something about that is funny to me.

LAURA: It is.

MARISHA: All right, I'm going to go.

TALIESIN: Are you going to the library?

MARISHA: Yeah, do you want to go, Cad?

TALIESIN: I mean, kind of, yeah.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, yeah.

(Taliesin screams)

MARISHA: Okay! (laughter)

ASHLEY: That's sounding a lot better.

TALIESIN: No, I'm really getting it together.

MARISHA: Dude, you can't, take that.

TALIESIN: Oh, I'll stay here, then.

MARISHA: Okay, anybody else? I'm going to the library!

SAM: No, have fun, though!

MARISHA: Don't, Cad.

LIAM: Enjoy yourself. Enjoy it for me, will you?

MARISHA: Yeah, are you sure you're good? You're working on your thing?

LIAM: I have a little homework, yeah.

MARISHA: I mean, they've got lounges there, like studies, if you just want to change your scenery, you know? Sometimes, I find that just a change in visual perspective might help you make some more progress, get out of this BnB.

SAM: Don't distract him, he's trying to save my life!

MARISHA: All right, okay, I'm going to fucking go, what?

LIAM: That's a fair point. I will do my homework at the library. I won't get in your way.

MARISHA: Okay. Yeah, let's go.

LAURA: Have fun, you two.

MATT: So just the two of you going to the library?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: And I'm bring all of my (drawn out) Halas papers.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: Wow.

LIAM: Christmas in Halas.

MATT: You make your way to the Rexxentrum Archive. The library is open to the Expositor Beauregard.

MARISHA: Okay. Who and when instituted the six approved gods of the Empire?

TRAVIS: What the fuck did you just say?

MARISHA: Who and when instituted the six approved gods of the Empire?

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Is the first thing that I want to investigate.

MATT: Roll an investigation check.

MARISHA: Okay, because if it was Dwendal, that's interesting. If it wasn't Dwendal, that's also interesting.

LIAM: Marisha "Beauregard" Ray.

MARISHA: Dwendal.

LIAM: Get it.

MARISHA: What is that, what is that? I don't want to, do I want to use this one?

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, that one's fine.

MARISHA: This one's fine?

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

MARISHA: You've been rolling real good all day.

LIAM: It's the shitty plain blue one that sucks.

MARISHA: Okay, okay! 28.

MATT: 28, yeah. It is not Dwendal, actually. Looking it up specifically and give me just a moment here.

MARISHA: Sorry.

MATT: No, it's all good, deep dive. Okay, shortly after the time of the Marrow War, which was when the Empire and the Julous Dominion were at war over the northern and southern regions.

MARISHA: And that's like early Kryn Dynasty versus Empire, right?

MATT: This isn't Dynasty involved. This is Julous Dominion, which is the other human civilization that lives to the south. This is where Zadash used to be the capital of.

MARISHA: So it's a war between the Empire and the Julous. Old Empire.

LIAM: Boundaries, old countries.

MARISHA: Old countries.

MATT: We're talking around 545 PD. So this would have been hundreds of years back.

MARISHA: Right, right.

MATT: Because a lot of the priests that rebelled from the Julous Dominion against the rule of the Empire, the emperor the time, which would have been Manfried Dwendal. He was the one, his spies had discovered that a lot of the Julous' interests and a lot of the people that were rising up against him were priests of a lot of these various religions and they were using religion as their large tool to cause people to rebel against the Empire's rule. And as such, he wanted to abolish all religious worship within their area, but it caused even a further uproar and a lot of the fury just even further fed into the Julous Dominion, so when they had finished they had decided to choose a handful of ones that fit easily within the overall goals of the Empire and so the deities that were chosen were those that fit within its ideas of society, and knowledge and, you know, things that aligned with their goals easier than other entities that perhaps wouldn't be down with an Empire.

LIAM: So the gods and their... stans were getting in the way of progress and science?

MATT: To an extent, I guess you could say from some perspectives, yeah.

MARISHA: So Manfried... So Manfried was like, "Ah, this Melora shit and this Kord shit is like, not cool, because, you're blasting me with lightning and shit."

MATT: More or less, yeah. A lot of the philosophies were harder to fold into the philosophies of the Empire. Remember, they didn't destroy the Julous Dominion and burn everything down. They defeated the people that were helming the Julous Dominion and then told everybody who was part of it, "Your lives can continue as they are, you're just now members of the Empire and you now go through our tax system. We're here, but your life doesn't change and we're good." At that point, there was no other alternative, and then it was absorbed into the Empire and the Empire now spanned the entirety of this portion--

MARISHA: So like old-school Britain for a while?

MATT: Yeah, kind of. Phew, went to deep question there, all righty. I had to go into the history archive.

MARISHA: So that means that basically the six approved deities of the Empire are so systematically and innately taught that it's hard for anyone, especially you mentioned Manfried Dwendal, so that means that it is like a true monarchy in terms of only--

MATT: Correct, it is through blood or marriage monarchy.

MARISHA: Through blood line.

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: And it's just that, forced-upon of like, "These are good and these are bad." That it's like systemic bigotry.

MATT: Kind of, yeah, and to that point, too, it's not like they throw you in prison forever if they catch you praying to another god. You get fined for it, with a little bit of jail time and there are many people that do worship other gods very, very privately and just keep it out of the public eye. You have a couple of them in your party. But yeah, so it's... People getting busted for praying to other gods would be the equivalent of busted for marijuana possession in a lot states in the US.

MARISHA: Right, or like jaywalking.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: That's where I went, too.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: You're like, "Really, bro? A ticket?"

MATT: You're breaking the law, but should it be against the law?

MARISHA: Come on, are you that bored?

TALIESIN: Or smoking on the street, dude, I mean, come on.

MATT: Yeah, (laughs) exactly.

LIAM: Somewhere in all of this, while you're reading, Caleb looks up and remembers their first trip to library together, where you just fucking hated the books, and smiles at her, totally engrossed, just watches for a bit and goes back to what he's doing.

MATT: Fair enough.

MARISHA: Okay. Do I have another question?

MATT: Do you have another question?

MARISHA: Okay, and correct me if I already know this--

LIAM: Who is on the Tal'Dorei Council?

MATT: Every time he asks, somebody on it dies.

TRAVIS: Oh, fuck! (laughter)

TALIESIN: Who's left on this council?

TRAVIS: All these ravens start landing.

MATT: That's the question to ask.

MARISHA: Yeah, Birds style, just (impacts).

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I felt a great disturbance in...

MARISHA: The six shackles of--

LIAM: Shix shackles.

MARISHA: The shix shackles of the--

MATT and MARISHA: Chained Oblivion.

MARISHA: We saw three shackles.

MATT: You saw one. You've only encountered one shackle.

TRAVIS: That was just one.

MARISHA: One shackle, three chains.

LIAM: Jusht the one.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: And for the record, "the shackle" is a term. There is no actual physical chain.

MARISHA: I was thinking the chains, like there's two locations.

MATT: "The shackle," it's a metaphorical term for this--

TALIESIN: Like the Pentagon.

MATT: This artifact that is one of six things that helped bind-- that initially helped bind it before the Divine Gate was instituted. I mean, in theory, if all the shackles were still broken, the Chained Oblivion is still in the Abyss and still on the other side of the Divine Gate, but the Chained Oblivion is so different than all the other Betrayer Gods and the type of power and danger that represents is so unknown that there's worry that there was a Betrayer God that could break through the Divine Gate. Betrayer God could maybe be one of them? I'm sorry, Chained Oblivion would be the one to do it.

LAURA: That's sick.

MARISHA: So my question was, where are the other shackles? Can I find any information on where the other shackles are?

MATT: Roll an investigation check.

TRAVIS: Is the Dawnfather the main deity in Rexxentrum or shared equally among the five?

MATT: It's shared equally amongst them.

LAURA: But the Dawnfather is like the coolest one out of them all.

MATT: Platinum Dragon's pretty great, Bahamut's great. I mean, they're all pretty even, and they all have their own different belief systems.

TRAVIS: Why don't you let me pick first?

MARISHA: You should have, you should have, natural one.

MATT: Natural one. There is information about the shackles and about the binding of the Chained Oblivion, but as to the location or information regarding it? Nothin'. Mind you, based on the scrolls that had to be hustled out of Vasselheim by Obann and members of the Angel of Irons cult, you have information to at least make you think that that information is very, very, very intentionally near impossible to find.

TALIESIN: You found the dictionary definition of shackle and that's as far as you got.

MATT: Kind of, yeah.

MARISHA: Like, I know this already!

TRAVIS: Pretty sure another one would be in Vasselheim.

MARISHA: Yeah, Vasselheim, sounds right, right?

MATT: You've got no idea where any of the other shackles are. But Vasselheim, I mean, it's the Dawn City, it's where civilization began long before the Calamity, before the Age of Arcanum, it was the first city.

MARISHA: Because that was my thought was, like, how far along in progress did they actually make?

TRAVIS: I think she would know.

MARISHA: In terms of breaking shackles, if you broke another one before?

TRAVIS: Do you know if they were successful in disarming another shackle before they--

MATT: To your memory, this is the first shackle.

ASHLEY: No, the first one that we went to was the first one that we were able to find.

MARISHA: Occasionally, I walk by Caleb.

MATT: That's a natural one on that, too, you spent a lot of your day trying to find that information and come up with nothing.

LIAM: It's that old magic.

MARISHA: Occasionally, I walk by Caleb in the later half of my day and just go like (grunts) and I walk off.

TRAVIS: You get those library farts?

LIAM: Yeah. It's fundamental!

LAURA: I talked about the bookstore poops!

SAM: Yeah, of course, you walk into a bookstore, you got to--

LAURA: It's a thing, it's a condition!

LIAM: That's cool, though, that's a cool story.

TRAVIS: You ever go into a library and your stomach starts hurting?

LAURA: It's the old pages! Dude, there's a condition, it's a condition.

TRAVIS: There's prune juice and--

LIAM: Beau punches through.

MATT: So if there's any more questions you have, you only have enough time to maybe research one that isn't too extensive, depending on your roll, because you spent, I'd say, all the research you've pulled together from going through all the books and pulling everything you have available at the Rexxentrum Archive.

MARISHA: If I have any extra time--

MATT: Probably, like, seven hours you've spent in there already--

LAURA: There is a phenomenon that explains why you poop at book stores.

SAM: Says Buzzfeed.

LAURA: It's called the Mariko Aoki phenomenon.

SAM: I am jealous.

MATT: Written and created by Mariko Aoki.

SAM: Yeah, I am jealous of Mariko Aoki.

LAURA: (reading) Could be caused by the smell of paper and having a laxative effect, the association with reading on the toilet at home.

LIAM: Caleb is super regular.

ASHLEY: I have used the Barnes and Noble toilet a lot.

TALIESIN: Which Barnes and Noble?

MATT: Man, I feel bad for the Barnes and Nobles janitors.

LAURA: There's all these questions. Why do I have to poop in book stores? It's on there, look it up.

MATT: Humanity, it's crazy.

(laughter)

MARISHA: No, I think I'm good.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Condensed request. We don't even need to dwell on it, but for the amount of time we're there, Caleb will spend more time on Halas' works. I'm sure this is much time, but I'm going to put in some more and then get distracted and pull out the-- everything okay?

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: The collar--

MARISHA: Are you missing a stone? I hate that, sorry, keep going.

LIAM: Sorry, the collar that got clunked around Caleb's neck in Happy Fun Ball and I want to spend a couple hours examining it and seeing if it can be used, altered, as something that is no longer dead, could it be reawakened, enchanted, could I work it over time to use it?

MATT: Okay, well, first for your initial part of the day research, go ahead and roll, not an arcana check, just a straight intelligence check.

LIAM: Okay. 25.

(Marisha chuckles)

MATT: What did you roll?

LIAM: 15.

MATT: Not arcana, intelligence.

LIAM: Oh, intelligence, oh, sorry sorry sorry. Plus five, 20.

MATT: 20, okay, that's pretty good. Okay, you start connecting more of these patterns. You begin to... to look into the elements, a few transmuted metals and elements, but to transmute flesh, bone... Things that have a living presence is a whole different thing entirely and looking at a lot of these elements of Halas' research, there are some breakthroughs, but it is incomplete and as you continue to improvise in those spaces, too, you begin to watch it spiderweb out. Like the idea's beginning to expand, it's like-- thinking it would be a simple equation, the equation gets super long and it looks super messy, but it's working, but it's super messy. But you're getting a little further along, you're getting some good leeway on it. Once again, who knows how far the goal posts are. But you're still working on it. As far as working on that neck piece, go ahead and make an arcana check for me.

MARISHA: That just means it's like--

TRAVIS: Like long-ass proofs.

MARISHA: Yes, that.

LIAM: That's 16.

MATT: A 16. Looking at it... You can see recreating the construction of it, but the nature of its enchantment that prevented spell casting is old and a type of magic that you haven't encountered before. There are some similarities to the scripts that are being used and the spell that you're currently working off of Halas' work, so a lot of it just plays off of his own script. You get the sense that he learned a lot of basic arcane techniques and then began to build off of that to create his own language within that space and that's why it's so challenging to follow. With these, you could see the possibility of doing so, but you have no idea, nor do you have anywhere near the tools. Yeah, that's about as far as you can get.

LIAM: If I just throw a Detect Magic at it, what school radiates off of it?

MATT: For that, I would say it would be... I'll say-- let me check something real fast.

SAM: Dunamancy.

LIAM: It'll be like the one that's wards.

MATT: That's what I was going to say. Abjuration was my first instinct, but I'm going to double check real fast, just to be safe. Let me see here. No, that's not what I wanted. Aw, man, come on.

SAM: This lore dump, brought to you by Dwarven Forge.

MATT: This would sit... There are elements of abjuration and elements of illusion working in unison for this.

LIAM: Well, Caleb will just tuck it away for a rainy day. To be continued.

MATT: Okay. Anybody else?

LAURA: Hey, Fjord?

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: Do you want to go work out?

TRAVIS: Um, do you work out regularly?

LAURA: Well... No. But I know that you work out with Beau and she's at the library and I didn't know if you wanted to get your workout in, before your fight tonight.

TRAVIS: Yeah, sure, that would be great. I mean, I'm not looking to go into the fight tired or anything.

LAURA: No, no, no, but if want to do something or something, I could help?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Lead on, I--

LAURA: Oh, I'm leading the workout?

TRAVIS: You said work out with you.

LAURA: Oh, well, I thought like, you know, do you need, like, somebody to spot you? Do you lift? Do you, do you do, like--

SAM: Do you even lift?

LAURA: Do you do sit ups? You could lay on the floor and I could hold onto your legs and push them and you could work on your core.

TRAVIS: Right, yeah, it's mostly body weight stuff. Did you want to do it with me or just watch me work out?

LAURA: Either one, I could help, just whatever.

TRAVIS: Okay, yeah, I mean, we usually start by doing 25 push ups.

LAURA: Okay let's do that, then.

TRAVIS: Okay, you first.

LAURA: Okay, I do 25 push ups.

TRAVIS: How fast does she do them?

MATT: Roll a strength-- oh, this will be an athletics check. Athletics check, please.

LAURA: Seven.

MATT: Seven? The first 15 are pretty solid, 20 starts getting a little slow, but those last two or three, it peaks to the arms shaking.

MARISHA: The worming?

MATT: Yeah, yeah. But she gets there.

TRAVIS: I feel a little better about this. All right, I'll try and do 25 push ups.

MATT: Athletics check.

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Fuck you! (laughter)

MATT: Yes!

LAURA: Is it a one, is it a one?

MATT: Natural one.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Does this mean you immediately get a cramp? Is that what will happen?

MATT: The first three go okay.

TALIESIN: You are so kind.

MATT: The fourth one, you hear a pop!

TRAVIS: Oh, come on, man! I have a fight tonight!

MATT: Yeah, you do. (laughs)

LAURA: Oh no. Oh no, are you okay?

MATT: The fifth one, he pushes and he's just holding it, and he's shaking.

LAURA: Are you okay, Fjord?

TRAVIS: Yeah, no, I'm fine.

LAURA: Do you do this all the time, what did you do? Did you break your rib, what's going on?

TRAVIS: I feel like this was not sticking out before.

LAURA: Oh my god, did you get a hernia from just doing a pushup? I thought you were really strong! Fjord. I push it back in.

TRAVIS: No, don't push it back!

LAURA: I'm going to push it in!

TRAVIS: No, please, no, stop it! Can you do magic, can you make it go away? Your little hamster uniforms.

MATT: Cure Wounds, I will allow you to heal a hernia.

TRAVIS: (sighs) (laughter)

LIAM: Is that Greater Restoration?

MATT: Either.

TRAVIS: You know what we didn't do? We didn't warm up. That's what it was. We let ego get in the way, yep.

SAM: Stretch.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: So I think maybe that's good for today.

LAURA: Oh, that's it, huh? 25-- five pushups. Four, maybe, three pushups. That's a good warmup for tonight.

SAM: Four and a half pushups.

TRAVIS: I feel like my pride is hurt.

LAURA: No, no, no, no, you were really strong. That was impressive?

TRAVIS: I've done more than that.

LAURA: I believe you. I super duper believe you.

TRAVIS: I don't feel like you do, but I have come a long way. It's really...

LAURA: You're going to do so good tonight.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. Whew, maybe I should back out.

LAURA: No, no, no, do it, Fjord! You're really strong and, well, you're doing it with a weapon, right?

TRAVIS: Why, do you think that's important?

LAURA: Yeah. (laughter) Just because, you know, Beau's going to be doing it without and Yasha and both of them are like...

TRAVIS: Both of them are like...?

LAURA: Brawly.

TRAVIS: Brawly?

LAURA: Like really good with their fists and stuff. You can try, do you want to punch me and practice?

TRAVIS: No, no, I don't. I signed up for the weapon one.

LAURA: Okay, well good, that's good.

TRAVIS: Good thing I did.

LAURA: It's going to be good, Fjord.

TRAVIS: (sighs) I got the failure out of the way first, can't do it twice in one day.

LAURA: (laughs) Exactly.

TRAVIS: Right, yeah.

LAURA: And hey, you have that pec thing you can do!

TRAVIS: It's not moving on one side. (Marisha laughs) There's a little atrophy going on. A lot of serotonin coursing through me right now.

LAURA: Just rest before tonight, I'm sorry I did that, I'm sorry.

TRAVIS: No, it's all right, it's my fault. (clears throat)

LAURA: The Traveler is with you. And the Wildmother, too! Good for you! You've got two of them on your side, you're great!

TRAVIS: Does the Traveler interface with the Wildmother a lot? Is there an established relationship there?

LAURA: Yeah! They totally like each other, all the time. They go on dates.

TRAVIS: They go on dates?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Roll a religion check.

(laughter)

SAM: They go on dates. (laughter)

TRAVIS: 20.

MATT: Wildmother, one, already in a relationship with Erathis. Both ladies.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I don't know that that's accurate. But I will think on it and see what... comes through.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: The Traveler, right, hm.

LAURA: You don't know his fucking name, Fjord?

TRAVIS: Of course I know his name, I just think it's odd that he's telling you they went on dates when that's not what I understand.

LAURA: Well, the Traveler doesn't have to tell me that. I just know everybody wants to go on dates with him because he's super cool.

TRAVIS: Does he date a lot?

LAURA: He gets around.

TRAVIS: Oh. Bit of a floozy.

LAURA: No, just sought after, you know what I mean?

TRAVIS: Not really, deities that are hooking up all over the place, it's pretty new to me, concept-wise.

LIAM: Is The Traveler a fuckboi?

(laughter)

MATT: Eat your heart out, Zeus. (laughter)

LAURA: Just saying.

TRAVIS: Okay. Well, uh, wish me luck.

LAURA: Good luck.

TRAVIS: Thank you for the workout.

LAURA: (chuckles)

TRAVIS: Do you feel tired at least, are you sore?

LAURA: I'm so exhausted. I am shaking, I'm going to be sore tomorrow.

TRAVIS: Is she sweating at all, even the slightest bit? I appreciate you saying that you are, even if you're not.

LAURA: This got so awkward.

MATT: (laughs)

TALIESIN: I'm so proud.

SAM: Good workout, kids.

TRAVIS: Glad I could save some face in front of Jester.

MATT: All righty. (laughs) Anybody else want to do anything? Please?

ASHLEY: When I wake up, I would like to take a very large cup of coffee or whatever is the morning fuel and go back out to the garden, sit up against the tree and read until the fight.

MATT: Okay, so you're just like--? (pants frantically)

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: All right, cool. That'll put you at about full day of reading, we'll say with a couple of breaks there, an additional... 10 or so hours before you have to begin getting ready to head on over to the evening's event.

ASHLEY: Okay, so 31 hours I've read it. Okay, I'm getting there.

MATT: All righty. Anyone else, or are we moving on to the evening's event?

SAM: Let's go to the evening.

MATT: Okay. So! As nightfall takes the city, you gather yourselves and begin walking to the Mudtop Ward of Rexxentrum to find the butcher shop that had previously been scouted. King's Cut is closed, but as you're approaching, you still see the occasional individual walk up and be let inside. You eventually make your way, same thing, knock on the door, are let in by another one of the employees of the butchery and as they lead you inside, they're like, "Sorry, we're closed for the night."

TRAVIS: Oh, no, yes.

ASHLEY: Yes, uh, uh... We came here for the... Shit. The special cut of-- we have some-- a cut in the back. What? (laughter) There's something in the back for us. (laughter) We have a, we have a--

LIAM: Are we eating in here?

TALIESIN: I can't eat any of this.

ASHLEY: We have a... Cut of meat in the back, downstairs that we have, for us, that we are partaking in.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

ASHLEY: Shit.

MATT: (laughs)

ASHLEY: Seven.

LAURA: Oh!

MATT: The employee goes, "Ah... I'm sorry, we're closed for the night. You'll have to come back tomorrow."

ASHLEY: No, this is, uh-- this is-- uh, this is-- actually, is Jacquel here?

MATT: "She's closing up in the back."

ASHLEY: Would you mind actually sending her out? Because it's very important that we speak to her.

MATT: She's busy at the moment, I'm sorry.

TRAVIS: Champion special cut?

ASHLEY: The champion special cut. It's a cut, a very special champion's cut.

SAM: I'm just going to leave. (laughter) I'm going to go outside and walk around a bit. Until they figure this out. (laughing)

MATT: After a loud sigh, opens the door and lets you guys in. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Oh, that was amazing.

MATT: Closed behind. You are then ushered beyond the doorway that led into the office, of Jacquel, beyond the butcher block counter where most of the customers interface with and make their purchases to a storage hallway to the back. You're led through and there's another employee there who's waiting and is currently standing in front of a door. As you approach, the first employee gives a nod. The second one nods back, opens the storage door and then as opposed to being a closet, there is a staircase that leads down. You guys can already hear chatter and laughter, and as you head down the staircase within, and as it opens up, immediately see to the right and left of you, two shelves of liquor with tables on each side, with food and snacks already laid out and prepared with two other employees that are in the process of gathering elements on plates. In front of you, across the way, you see there's a small wall, two little outcroppings, and spiral staircases that curl up to a secondary floor on each side. Immediately across from you are iron bars that go across and separate this small area, this entryway from an open square fighting pit that is just scattered in rock and dust and gravel. The doors open, you see there are two guards to each side and one white-robed figure who's in the process right now of sitting and having a drink and just sitting cross-legged on the ground, notices you as you arrive. There are torch lights flickering and you can see these staircases that spiral upward. There are separate, balcony chambers that are open and overlook this battlefield where there are, probably, you'd guess at this point, close to a dozen figures that are up there, sitting, eating food, talking, watching or waiting for the battle to commence as their entertainment for the evening. As you guys walk into this space--

MARISHA: About how many people?

MATT: That are sitting up there? We'll say about a dozen, maybe, a little under a dozen.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: It's not a huge crowd, but for given a day's worth of time to prepare for this, it's not bad either, given the scenario.

MARISHA: Do they look fancy?

MATT: Some of them look pretty fancy. Some of them look moderate. You can't really tell from down here. You do see off to the side on one end, there are two figures that are currently stretching.

TRAVIS: That's important.

(laughter)

MATT: You see one gentleman, who looks to be half-elven, older, maybe in his late 50s, very sun-wrinkled skin from a lifetime of probably working outdoors. Light brown hair that's actually lighter than skin tone. A bit of a beard, as much as a half-elf can muster. You can see a lot of effort went into trying to cultivate this beard. And has hand wraps around the fingers and is currently in the process of air punching a bit. Preparing themselves for a bout. You gather this is one of the contestants. You see the other one is a real rough and tumble looking female dwarf who is currently sitting in a chair and giving herself a shoulder massage with one hand and the other hand is just drinking this tankard. She's got this scruffy, mutton chops that come down the side of her face. Her nose, you can see has broken multiple times, and has healed back to the point where now it's just this very character-like nose. The hair is mostly red, but you see a bit of gray streak coming through it and it is tied into a top knot bun. Something similar to that design in the back of the head. Arms are thick, just battering rams. Then you can see all sorts of scars. She's wearing a leather tank top, it looks like, element there, not thick enough to be considered armor, but enough to just be a stylistic piece of battle gear and just scars and patches of hair around the scars, the shoulders and arms and she's just drinking.

MARISHA: That's got to be Kal, right?

MATT: Could be.

TRAVIS: I think so.

MATT: To the other side, you see a man, looks maybe in his 30s or so. Tall, dark skin, jet black hair, long, it's braided in the back and goes just to past his waist, wearing scale mail. He has a shield in one hand and a battleaxe in the other and he's practicing in the air before he turns and watches you guys enter. He gives a nod and a look. "Wait a second! (laughs) I know you guys!"

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: "In the, uh, the Harvest Close festival! The pit fight. We won, we won!"

LAURA: Yeah!

MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: You were-- hang on, I've been looking at this a lot here.

MATT: "You're the, the... The Super Seven!"

LAURA: The Mighty Nein!

MARISHA: Close.

ASHLEY: Which one were you?

MARISHA: Hang on.

MATT: "I'm Darrow, Darrow Allocke. I'm the leader of the Stubborn Stock. We both went head to head at the end, but we both managed to take out our creatures and we shared the pot and it was amazing."

ASHLEY: We fought a very large crocodile together.

TALIESIN: Ah.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I remember. I remember you.

MARISHA: Wait, is he in white robes?

MATT: No, scale mail.

MARISHA: He's scale mail.

LAURA: With long hair.

ASHLEY: The panther beasts. Ah, somethin'.

MATT: (laughs) He's like, "Sure, all right, yeah, no. You're looking good, things have been well?"

TRAVIS: Yes, no, we've been traveling a lot, you?

MATT: "Well, for a while, yeah, we were doing some mercenary work around here in the Empire, it's paying really well now, since the war started up, you know."

TRAVIS: A lot of stuff into Xhorhas? Or have you been on other borders?

MATT: "No, no, just doing bodyguard work and local stuff. I don't want to get involved in the war. I'm not about to become a sacrificial pawn."

TRAVIS: Sure, yeah.

MATT: "I'm Menagerie Coast all along."

TRAVIS: Yeah, are you fighting tonight?

MATT: "Yeah, yeah, you guys coming to watch?"

TRAVIS: Some of us are participating, actually.

MATT: "Oh, no way!"

TRAVIS: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yes way.

MATT: "Well, who's fighting what?"

LAURA: I think Fjord might be fighting you, actually.

MATT: (laughs) And he goes and he gives out a big hand.

TRAVIS: Does it hurt?

MATT: Roll a strength check.

TRAVIS: Why is it all about stats? Fuck you. Seven.

MATT: Seven.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: Doesn't hurt as much, because he rolled a natural one.

TRAVIS: Woo! (laughter)

MATT: "Oh, you got a grip there, my friend. That is very... (chuckles)"

TRAVIS: Well, I look forward to the tune up with you. This will be most fun.

MATT: "I agree, I agree, yeah. It's good to see you guys. Anyway, I got to stretch. (laughs) And, uh, hey, good luck."

TRAVIS: Same to you.

MATT: "Dawnfather look over you, friend."

TRAVIS: Dawnfather, yep.

MARISHA: That's three for you, man!

TRAVIS: What do you mean, three what?

MARISHA: Oh, I don't even know, never mind--

TRAVIS: Three what? (laughter)

MARISHA: Three gods, don't worry about it, I wasn't there.

MATT: Jacquel, by the way, after this conversation, approaches from down one of the sides and goes like, "Oh, hello there, you made it! I'm so glad you all could finally come along. We were hoping you all would show up, eh?"

LAURA: We had a hard time getting in.

MATT: "That's all right."

ASHLEY: Yeah, that was my fault. I forgot what the cut was.

MATT: "It's all right, there's plenty of alcohol, everyone's happy to wait and get nice and toasty. The pot's put in, quite a bit of money to possibly win tonight, so let's see if we can do it. We ready, need some time? Let me know when we're good to go ahead and get the first bout going."

LAURA: Ooh ooh ooh, can I bet on people?

TALIESIN: You can do that?

LIAM: I would like to wager.

MATT: "I'm certainly down for some wagers."

TALIESIN: Sure.

MATT: "Okay, okay, how much you want to wager?"

LIAM: I would like to, uh... the three of you, you said?

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: I would like to wager 100 gold on each of my friends.

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, me too, that sounds good.

LAURA: Yeah, same, same.

MARISHA: Oh, you guys are so supportive. I hope I don't fucking let them down.

LIAM: That's why I'm doing an even spread.

TRAVIS: No guarantees.

MARISHA: Oh, so if one of us fails.

LAURA: I'm going to do even spread, except for the Beau fight. I'm going to add another 20 for the Beau.

LIAM: You're my ringer.

MATT: Okay, so for--

TALIESIN: 120 for Beau and 100 for the other two.

MATT: I got you.

MARISHA: Make us some good money.

TALIESIN: 100 for me each.

MARISHA: Make us some good money. Hey, can I give you some money to bet on myself?

TRAVIS: Make sure you get your rage.

MARISHA: Okay, I slip him some money under the side to put it on a bet for myself, on myself.

LIAM: How much was it?

MARISHA: Another 100 gold.

LIAM: One.

MARISHA: What?

LIAM: Two.

MARISHA: Oh, Jesus Christ!

LIAM: Three. 10 minutes later, I bet another 100 gold on Beauregard.

MATT: In addition to the 100 she gave you?

LIAM: So 200 on Beau, because she just slipped me some of her money, and a 100 on the other two.

MATT: All right, got you, okay. Anybody else?

TALIESIN: Got my 100 on each.

SAM: I'm slipping out and leaving.

LAURA: (gasps)

LIAM: 99.

LAURA: You're not going to stay and watch?

SAM: Nah.

LAURA: Do any of us see you go?

MATT: If you don't want to be seen, you can roll a stealth check.

SAM: With advantage. 23.

MATT: Nott is gone.

TALIESIN: Even with my passive?

MARISHA: Pulling some Vax shit.

MATT: What's your passive perception?

TALIESIN: My passive perception is... not high enough.

MATT: Nope, didn't think so.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Nott just-- (gentle wind)

TALIESIN: 19.

MATT: Just Irish goodbyes, ghosts out of there.

TRAVIS: Irish goodbyes.

LIAM: Where's she goin'?

SAM: Not far.

LIAM: Where is she goin'?

MATT: Okay. All right, so, with all of those put in, Jacquel goes, "All right, go ahead and find yourselves a seat up there. We can go ahead and get some food snacks already provided and we'll go get this rolling right quick."

LAURA: ♪ Give me the snacks ♪ ♪ I want to eat some snacks ♪

TALIESIN: Veggie chips, or--

LIAM: She's gone.

MATT: To give you guys an overview of what it looks like.

ALL: Yeah!

LIAM: You asked for a fighting pit, he made you a fighting pit!

SAM: This fighting pit is brought to you by Dwarven Forge! Everything you need to know is at DwarvenForge.com! Whoa!

LAURA: Matthew!

TRAVIS: Oh shit!

LIAM: We love you, Matthew Mercer!

SAM: Wow!

LAURA: What the fuck?

TRAVIS: Is Trent Itchy Crotch in these balconies?

LIAM: Oh, so cool.

ASHLEY: Oh, and they light up!

LAURA: Oh my gosh!

MARISHA: Moody lighting!

ASHLEY: This is so cool!

LAURA: This is so cool, Matt.

MATT: Oh, you guys, it's fun to be ridiculous.

LAURA: Are we up top?

TALIESIN: Yeah, we're already there.

MATT: You guys have just arrived in the center here.

LAURA: Oh, look at these fancy people watching.

MATT: There we go and boop.

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Ooh!

SAM: The lights, the sconces.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

MATT: So as the rest of the battlers are stretching off to the side here, you guys can decide where everyone should be. So we have Beauregard is fighting, Fjord is fighting, and Yasha are fighting, you guys are just keeping here, for the time being. The rest of you can sit where you like.

LIAM: Yeah, Nott, come sit with--

MATT: And Nott is gone.

LAURA: Where's Nott?

LIAM: I don't know.

MATT: Caduceus?

TALIESIN: I think, yeah, I'll take right up that side over here.

MATT: That side over here? Okay. Okay, join that edge there. Caleb?

LIAM: I will walk down between the clerics and as I do so, I'm going to pull out a wire and whisper and say: Are you good, or do you need some space?

MATT: All right moving the table to the side here, you guys push into that end. Door closes. Door closes. All right.

LIAM: I just sent a message saying, are you good, do you need some space? I don't know if she's blown past the range of it.

MATT: Right.

LIAM: She may reply to this message, she knows.

SAM: I'm good. I'll be right back.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: That smells so good.

TALIESIN: I have like...

MATT: At which point, Jacquel arrives out in the center space stepping into the middle of the tournament range. Where is the best one I can use for that? I'll just use, I'll use her, it's what I found. Steps out and goes like, "Everyone, thank you and welcome to the Stone Coffin. An impromptu fight, yes. But who we are to turn down some proper unexpected entertainment, eh?" (yelling) Everyone starts yelling. "Well, all coin is put in, we've closed the outside doors. Let's go ahead and call in our first bout for the night!"

LAURA: Woo!

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: "Coming all the way from the Mudtop, you've seen him fight, you've seen him drop! It's Ovo!" And the older man, who has been shadowboxing, starts coming out and he's like, (pants) walks out and steps in the space and everyone gives a "Yeah!" cheer.

TRAVIS: You got it, you got it. You got it.

SAM: You're fighting an old guy?

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

MATT: And where did you say you were from?

MARISHA: Hupperdook is what Yasha said.

LAURA: Up Hup.

MARISHA: Up Hup.

MATT: "All the way from Up Hup! Beauregard!"

LAURA: Woo! You can do it, Beau!

MARISHA: Take off my Expositor robes. I'm just in my sports bra, kind of tank.

MATT: Up and joins the others at the edge. The doors close.

LAURA: Kill him!

TRAVIS: Well, no, I don't think that's what we're going for.

SAM: Up Hup and away!

MARISHA: Oh, Jesus Christ.

(Travis laughs)

MATT: "Begin!" Roll initiative.

ALL: (yelling)

TRAVIS: Let's go, let's go.

SAM: Beat up that old man!

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: Honor the legacy of Vox Machina.

SAM: Oh, so close!

MATT: Initiative is?

MARISHA: 13.

MATT: 13, all right. Ovo goes first.

MARISHA: 12, 12, 12.

MATT: Ovo goes first.

MARISHA: Doesn't matter. Just bad at math.

MATT: So Ovo is up there, he's like, (pants) gets his ground, looking you over and goes--

MARISHA: I'm looking at him. Can I glean anything?

MATT: At first look, even for his age--

MARISHA: He's ripped?

MATT: He's pretty ripped. And he looks a little beat up, like he's seen some fights, he's some scraps in his day. And he's going to go, (grunts) and come in for initially a body blow followed by two quick punches to the face.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: First is going to be a nine.

MARISHA: Miss!

MATT: Second one is going to be, ah, a 26!

MARISHA: Hit!

MATT: All right, on that strike, you take seven points of bludgeoning damage and that third strike is going to be a 24 to hit.

MARISHA: Hit.

MATT: That's going to be four points of bludgeoning damage. So the body blow, you duck out of the way, but in pulling back, he immediately upper cuts you in the chin, a third strike across the face. You're like (groans). You feel the blood coming out the corner of your mouth. But you get the feeling he's primed. He's not going in all yet. He's trying to feel for your defenses and read you. He's an experienced fighter, for as much as you may have looked down upon him upon your arrival, it's your turn.

MARISHA: I never said that.

MATT: I know.

MARISHA: I did, though.

MATT: I know. Well, I figured. It's your turn.

MARISHA: I wipe the blood. Look back at him. Kind of nod. Ooh, he's going the brother route, okay!

MATT: Muay Thai kind of flair, a little bit.

MARISHA: Yeah, okay, okay, okay. I shift my stance a little bit to adjust to more of that Wing Chun-- Yeah, you know, a mai tai. Muay Thai. (laughs)

MATT: Mai tais are good.

LIAM: Almost time for a Hawaii.

MARISHA: Go in for pop pop, and then I go on the inside, I'm going to try and break his defense.

SAM: That's funny because pop-pop is what his grandchildren call him.

(laughter)

MATT: "Get her, Pop-Pop!" (laughter) Pop pop the Pop-Pop.

MARISHA: First hit. Mm, yeah, 27.

MATT: That hits.

MARISHA: Stunning strike.

MATT: Roll damage first.

MARISHA: But first... Oh, Jesus Christ. Seven damage.

MATT: Seven points of damage on the first hit! Stunning strike!

LIAM: Yeah, first d8.

MATT: That's a 15.

LAURA: Yeah, it works.

MARISHA: It's 15.

MATT: Oh, he just resists it! So the first hit.

LIAM: (kid voice) Yay, Pop-Pop!

MATT: He flexes, old man abs, catch the blow. Second strike.

MARISHA: Fuck you, Pop-Pop. Second strike. Yeah, 28.

MATT: 28 definitely hits, you roll damage.

SAM: (kid voice) Don't kill my grandfather! (laughs)

MARISHA: 11 damage, stunning strike.

MATT: That's a fail!

MARISHA: He is stunned.

MATT: So he goes, deflects the first one off the stomach, the second one, you go in to strike, where are you punching?

SAM: In the dentures.

(laughter)

LAURA: (kid voice) No, Pop-Pop! What's wrong with him?

MARISHA: I'm going to do what he did to me. I'm going to do an upper cut with a cross, right across his face, I'm going to go for a meta.

LIAM: His teeth are out!

MARISHA: Go right for that temple.

MATT: So whack, it hits and you watch him take a few steps, as he stumbles to catch himself.

MARISHA: As I see him take those two steps, I'm going to do a full barrel rotating double kick. Pop pop with a... That thing that I do.

LAURA: Flurry of Blows.

MARISHA: Thank you. I'm a little delusional.

MATT: That's okay.

MARISHA: Happy holiday, Flurry of Blows.

MATT: Go for it, advantage on both of these attacks because he's stunned.

MARISHA: First attack. 19.

MATT: 19 hits.

MARISHA: Thank god I did that. 12.

LIAM: Put him in a body bag.

MARISHA: Damage and then...

TRAVIS: Sweep the leg, Johnny!

MARISHA: Jesus Christ. 17.

MATT: 17?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Hits.

LAURA: Woo!

MARISHA: 10 damage.

MATT: 10 damage, so, boof, boof, boof! You watch him (impacts) and he falls, and catches himself on a hand and has to get back up.

MARISHA: And then after doing the full rotating--

MATT: He's shaking.

MARISHA: -- the roundhouse--

MATT: He's able to focus, you see his eyes re-focusing. It's his turn now. Or you have your movement.

MARISHA: As I come down, I'll hit him and then watching him, Extract Aspects, which is absurd, for an old man.

MATT: Okay, well, well, he is analyzed. But he--

TRAVIS: He has gingivitis.

(laughter)

LIAM: His pockets are full of Werther's butterscotch candies.

MATT: He's resistant to very good scotch.

(laughter)

LIAM: Fiscally conservative.

(laughter)

SAM: He's part of the greatest generation.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Will give you socks for Christmas.

TRAVIS: Okay, boomer.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, sorry, sorry.

LIAM: There it is.

MARISHA: That's it.

MATT: He has no condition immunities or damage resistances or immunities. He's a dude. But, but, he is definitely stunned and you definitely have analyzed him, so.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: You going to move or stay put?

MARISHA: Did I knock him back any or anything?

MATT: No, he's just like--

MARISHA: He's just fucked up.

MATT: Trying to focus on where you are.

MARISHA: Well, he's stunned.

LAURA: You get to go again.

MARISHA: Yeah, I'll... Yeah, I'm going to get to go again. I'm just going to stay here.

MATT: Okay, it's his turn.

LAURA: He's stunned.

MATT: Yeah, he can't do anything. He goes like, (slurred) "Come on! I gotcha!" That's his turn, your turn.

SAM: He's like, whoa, what's a TikTok?

TRAVIS: "What's a TikTok?"

(laughter)

MARISHA: I'm going to take the top of my turn to just turn and look at Fjord through the bars and go-- and I go right back into it.

TRAVIS: Make that money.

MARISHA: Make that money! Pop pop.

MATT: Yeah, advantage on both attacks.

MARISHA: So as he's stumbling back, I'm going to rush forward with a knee to his sternum and then go for a palm strike to his chin to continue to press on him.

MATT: First knee lunge, go for it.

MARISHA: Still at advantage, right?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: This is like Jason Bourne against the Pepperidge Farm guy.

(laughter)

MARISHA: 24.

MATT: 24 definitely hits. You roll damage.

MARISHA: 12 damage.

MATT: Right in the chest. (groans) You see a little bit of spittle. He's like Street Fighter style when you occasionally hit him and they throw up in Street Fighter 2.

MARISHA: I'm going to keep pushing into his triangle and go for a palm strike.

MATT: What was the second attack?

MARISHA: 24. With 13 damage.

MATT: You watch two teeth go flipping out.

TRAVIS: Chiclets!

MATT: That's your action, you still have your bonus.

MARISHA: I kind of--

LIAM: Kinda feel bad?

MARISHA: Feel bad.

LAURA: Kill him, Beau!

MARISHA: But I go for the stunning strike for that last one with his cracked teeth, let's see. Yeah, stunning strike again.

MATT: 16, he makes it.

MARISHA: He makes it? But he's still stunned currently?

MATT: Yep, and you still have your bonus action.

MARISHA: So Flurry of Blows.

TALIESIN: That's mean, that's mean!

MARISHA: Another ki point, so, burning through.

LIAM: Forest Law.

MARISHA: While I've got advantage.

MATT: You guys've seen how monks are in a duel, at our live show.

MARISHA: A natural 19, 29, with a seven on my hit, so 13.

MATT: 13 damage?

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Can you stunning strike on a bonus action?

MARISHA: Yes, I can.

MATT: So this attack now, he's like, (groans)

MARISHA: And then... I'm going to back around and go for a full roundhouse for another stunning strike.

MATT: Stepping back for a strike against the head. With the momentum you (whoosh) into a spinning back kick to the head.

MARISHA: Yeah, stunning strike again. Both of those are 16s, so 26, and I rolled on an eight on a d8, so 14 damage. Stunning strike.

MATT: Stunning strike. 14.

MARISHA: Fail.

ALL: Oh, no!

LAURA: Poor Pop-Pop!

TALIESIN: Oh, Pop-Pop.

MATT: All right, so (impacts)

LAURA: I've never seem him so badly beaten before!

MATT: He's down on one knee and he's like, (groans) Looking up at you, one eye, you can't see the white, because it's just red. (laughter) He's like (stuttering groan) (laughter) Next turn, go.

MARISHA: I turn... (laughter)

MATT: Everyone's like, "Whoa! "Wha-- whoa!" It's your turn, what're you doing?

TRAVIS: Oh, shit!

MARISHA: I turn and I look at Jacquel. Do I see Jacquel behind me?

MATT: No, you don't see Jacquel anywhere behind you. You see Fjord and Yasha going--

MARISHA: I go: Is there a ring medic?

LAURA: Destroy him!

TRAVIS: Finish him!

MARISHA: Ah! Elbow to his grill.

MATT: (laughs) Okay! With advantage.

TRAVIS: He's like, "Janice?"

LIAM: Specifically the grill?! You already took out the front teeth!

MARISHA: My first wife!

(laughter)

SAM: Are you my granddaughter?

(laughter)

LAURA: Oh, no.

MATT: Roll your attack!

(laughter)

MARISHA: I have advantage.

MATT: Yeah, you do.

MARISHA: I feel so bad about this!

LIAM: But it's Christmas.

MARISHA: Natural 18. 28. Nine damage.

MATT: Okay. He's still standing. And what was this attack?

MARISHA: Huh?

MATT: What attack was this?

MARISHA: Oh, I was elbowing him in the face for my first pop.

MATT: Second attack with advantage.

MARISHA: For my second pop.

TRAVIS: He's making that broken windpipe sound.

MARISHA: Yeah, he is. Both of those are 17s.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: 12 damage.

MATT: 12 damage. All right, you have your bonus action still. As you elbow, you go once again on the side of the head and he just (cracking, groaning)

MARISHA: How is he looking?

MATT: Oh, he's fucked up!

TRAVIS: Come on, come on, put him out, put him out!

MATT: You have a bonus action.

ASHLEY: Put him out of his misery.

TRAVIS: People are like, fuckin' take him down!

MARISHA: (screams) Okay, I'm going to, okay, okay. Can I, as a flavored Flurry of Blows, get him into a sleeper hold and just: Go to sleep, go to sleep.

MATT: I'll allow it.

MARISHA: End this in a "so I'm not breaking more of his dentures" kind of way.

MATT: I'll allow it.

MARISHA: All right, all right.

TALIESIN: What dentures are left? You're just hitting gums now.

MARISHA: 27.

MATT: 27, all right.

TRAVIS: This is no way comparable.

MARISHA: Eight damage. No, not in any capacity.

MATT: All right, eight damage.

MARISHA: I'm a horrible person right now.

MATT: And your second one?

LIAM: It's just adding layers of complexity.

SAM: I can't go to sleep yet; I haven't taken my pills.

MARISHA: 27.

MATT: Okay, damage?

MARISHA: 11 and stunning strike again to try and end this.

SAM: Fucking god.

MATT: I already know how you want to do this.

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: My grandson graduates the eighth grade tomorrow.

MATT: And with rapid shushing, he goes to sleep in Beauregard's arms before eventually, once you feel him go limp, you set him down. Everyone goes-- (scattered applause) "Yeah!"

ALL: Woo!

MARISHA: Ah?

TRAVIS: Holy shit!

TALIESIN: Wow, that was dark.

MATT: The door opens and the white-robed figure rushes out and grabs him, heals him up for a second, he (gasps) shoots up to consciousness.

MARISHA: I help him up.

MATT: You pick him up and he's like (pants).

MARISHA: Man, no, don't.

MATT: "And our victor goes to Beauregard!"

TRAVIS: Oh, my god.

MATT: "And a big round of applause for Ovo, once again!" Ovo's like, "Yeah!"

(laughter)

MARISHA: And I just kind of...

TRAVIS: Are the back of his pants covered in brown?

(laughter)

MATT: If you're lucky.

TALIESIN: No, they're red.

MATT: Out of the pit, and Ovo immediately grabs a tankard and sits down and just starts drinking. Looks up at you and goes--

LAURA: Oh.

TRAVIS: Give that dude some money, holy shit.

MARISHA: Hey, man, I kind of illegally betted on myself. I don't know what the laws are, but--

TRAVIS: You're in an underground fighting pit.

MARISHA: Yeah, there are none. You know what? Let me get back to you. Just sit for a second.

MATT: "You bet on yourself?"

MARISHA: No, I didn't say that. You're delusional.

MATT: "Oh." Make a deception check.

TRAVIS: There's blood coming out of your ear.

TALIESIN: Natural one.

MARISHA: 11.

MATT: He goes, "If you give me what you bet on yourself I won't tell them."

MARISHA: Yeah, let me think about that, I feel real bad.

MATT: Yeah, okay.

MARISHA: Yeah, it's not like a hard sell. I'm going to be totally honest.

MATT: "Was I good?"

MARISHA: You were, dude, I'm--

MATT: "Ha-ha, I knew it!"

TRAVIS: Is he just stumbling around?

MATT: Yeah, he's doing circles in his space before he sits back down again.

ASHLEY: I'm leaning against that back wall, and I raise my mai tai at her.

(laughter)

MATT: You get the sense from the cheers, and people recognize him, he comes here and fights probably a lot and based on that fight he probably doesn't win a lot. But most everyone who fights here wins a little money.

ASHLEY: Oh, boy.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: So anyway, you get the sense he's a "win or lose, I still get paid"-type fighter. At that point, Jacquel comes out once more and goes, "So that was a rapid display! But it was just the warm up, because now, we're taking here, to the battlefield, our second fight of the night. This one, not fisticuffs. This one's to steel! And I'll bring here, first time to the battlefield, all the way from the Menagerie Coast: Darrow! Of the Stubborn Stock!" He looks over at you, goes like, "Hey, friend, may the best fighter win." And he rushes out with the jog with his weapons ready.

LAURA: Woo!

MATT: "Yeah!" The crowd's cheering and one woman is up there dressed really nice, throws a rose down towards him and he (laughs) drops his battleaxe and catches it in the air.

SAM: Medieval Times guy.

MARISHA: Yeah Green Knight, yeah!

TALIESIN: Green Knight!

(laughter)

MATT: "And the other challenger: "Fjord!" Where did you say you were from again?

TRAVIS: From Port Damali.

MATT: "From Port Damali!"

(cheering)

TRAVIS: As I walk in, I point to him and I open up my hand and I cast Armor of Agathys on myself at 5th-level. It's pulling in all of the moisture of the air. And I'll look at him and say: I'm excited for this. Time for a tune up of some new tricks.

MATT: "(laughs) "Oh, don't worry, friend. I've got a few tricks up on my own sleeve." You see him reach up and grab something around his neck and close his eyes for a second and he grabs his shield back up once more, has his battleaxe at the side.

TRAVIS: Shit.

MATT: And... He's going to go ahead and concentrate for a second and you watch as the battleaxe begins to grow with a bright light that shines, like a vibrant white torch, and 20 feet around him. All of a sudden, it's just this lighthouse of a battleaxe, glowing, and you can see the holy symbol around his neck that you now notice, the symbol of Pelor glow as well.

LAURA: I told you that guy was really hardcore.

MATT: Everyone goes like, "Whoa, yeah!" Cheers again at both of you guys, as you have all this icy frozen armor that's now spines of jagged frost sticking out of you and the other figure just holding this beacon of light.

TRAVIS: I just stand there and raise my fists.

MATT: Your fists? (Darrow laughs) Everyone looks around and goes like, (as Jacquel) "All right, looks like an interesting fight here. Weapon on bare knuckles!"

TALIESIN: He's starting to believe.

MATT: "Okay."

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Oh, my god.

SAM: The Owlbear is here?

MATT: "Begin!" Roll initiative.

(cheering)

LAURA: Come on, Fjord!

TRAVIS: 11.

MATT: 11. All righty, Darrow goes first with a 13. So Darrow's like, "Friend! Come on, I want you to show me what you've got, but first, let me show you mine." He rushes in towards you at an angle to push over to this direction. Is going to begin with two melee attacks against you.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: With the battleaxe, the first one is going to be... 24 to hit.

TRAVIS: Hits.

MATT: The second one is 24 to hit, same roll twice in a row. All right, you take, from each blow-- the first attack you take 10 points of slashing damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: And eight points of radiant damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: As it strikes you and this flash of radiant energy blasts off the impact. The second strike is 13 points of slashing damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: And seven points of radiant damage.

TALIESIN: (whistles)

TRAVIS: Gotcha.

MATT: How much damage does he take from Armor of Agathys?

TRAVIS: Two strikes?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: So 50 points of cold damage.

LAURA: 50 points?!

LIAM: What?!

SAM: Five zero?

LIAM: What?

ASHLEY: Damn!

MATT: Yeah, high level Armor of Agathys is rough.

SAM: Every hit is 25 points of damage?

LIAM: That's one and a half to two hits.

MATT: For every spell level, it's five points of damage every time it takes damage, as long as the armor lasts.

MARISHA: That's so cool.

MATT: Is the armor still around after that?

TRAVIS: That's it, that's it.

MATT: The armor's gone?

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: Okay, so the armor's over. The first strike hits.

LAURA: It's still fucking badass.

MATT: There's this flash of light and then this spray of jagged ice, swings back for a second hit, it impacts and the ice armor shatters, there's a blast of bright light, a mist, it looks like a bunch of moisture that just evaporates around and as the mist dissipates, you see Darrow is just filled with broken pieces of broken ice and frost and is now bleeding. He's like, "Ho ho ho, that was very--" (Travis laughs) "That was very, uh, tricky. Well done. (laughs)" And he's going to use the last of his turn. To... Hold on, let me see here.

LAURA: ♪ What is he going to do ♪

MATT: He's going, as a bonus action, to cast Sanctuary on you. (Laura gasps) On himself, against you. So he's like, "Oof, okay, let's try this again." He takes the holy symbol there and you see a little glow, you're not quite sure what it means and he's like, "Okay, show me what you got."

TRAVIS: Okay. I will summon the Star Razor.

MATT: The blade appears in your hand.

TRAVIS: I will use my bonus action to cast Hexblade's Curse on him and I will use one of the sword's two charges to cast Faerie Fire on him.

MATT: Okay. First, let me go ahead and--

TALIESIN: Yeah, it's a beast.

MATT: Hexblade's Curse.

ASHLEY: How often can you use that?

TRAVIS and ASHLEY: Once a day.

TRAVIS: See Invisibility and Faerie Fire.

TALIESIN: Faerie Fire is such a clutch spell.

MATT: Hexblade's Curse.

MARISHA: For a 1st-level spell?

MATT: And Faerie Fire is it a charisma saving throw?

TRAVIS: That is a great question, Faerie Fire is a dexterity 15.

MATT: A dexterity 15. 15 exactly.

TRAVIS: He makes it, great.

MATT: Sorry.

TRAVIS: It's fine. He's got Sanctuary up, dog.

MATT: He does. Okay. All right, is that your turn?

TRAVIS: It is.

MATT: All right, so that happens. Okay. He's now seeing some strange things. He's like-- going to whirl around to this side to try and keep you towards the center as he's backing, spinning around. "You've got some tricks there, friend, some crazy bits," and he sees the shadows gathering around him. "That doesn't feel good."

TRAVIS: (laughs) Get off!

MATT: "Dabbled in some weird stuff! All right. Sorry," and he's going to go ahead and, uh, I like this.

SAM: He's the nicest guy.

MATT: I like this guy.

TRAVIS: Yeah I like him, I like him.

MATT: He's going to go ahead and use his bonus action to cast Blinding Smite.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: The head of the axe glows even brighter for a second and he's going to go ahead and make a swing towards you, breaking his Sanctuary. That is a natural 20.

TRAVIS: Hm-hm!

MARISHA: Jesus.

SAM: Ooh boy.

LAURA: Can you cancel it?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: Are you going to?

TALIESIN: No.

SAM: That's a good boy.

TRAVIS: I like it.

MATT: With that roll you take... Actually, he's going to go ahead and pump his--

LAURA: No!

MATT: Second 3rd-level spell into this to Divine Smite you.

TRAVIS: Ooh, pally, pally!

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Okay, okay, okay.

TALIESIN: This is going to be ugly.

MATT: All right. So that's going to be...

LAURA: Oh, and you can do that after you've hit?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: He can decide? Holy shit.

TRAVIS: It's going to be nasty.

LAURA: It's going to be bad, because he doubles his dice.

LIAM and TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Oof. How many hit points do you have?

TRAVIS: 99.

LIAM: Not anymore, you don't.

TALIESIN: It's going to hurt. I don't know if it's going to knock you down.

TRAVIS: It's going to suck.

MATT: It's going to really suck.

TRAVIS: What level is he doing it at?

MATT: It's a 3rd-level.

TRAVIS: 3d8s.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: There's a lot of math coming at you, real fast.

TRAVIS: I know, I know, I'm waiting.

TALIESIN: Go a Spare the Dying ready to go just in case.

ASHLEY: Oh, boy, he's wincing.

MATT: You take... 92 points of...

ALL: Oh!

LAURA: How did he do 92 points of damage, how?

TRAVIS: Wow.

LAURA: How many d8s did you just roll?

TALIESIN: All of them!

MATT: He does 1d8 with his axe, plus 1d8 radiant for having the paladin ability. Then 3d8 radiant damage for the Blinding Smite hit, which was a critical, and then a 3rd-level Divine Smite as an additional 4d8 and I rolled really well, and then all that got doubled, and then on top of that, his bonus to damage.

TRAVIS: Yeah, well, he takes three points of radiant damage.

(laughter)

LIAM: That was amazing.

TRAVIS: (groan)

MATT: You guys watch as the impact hits and it's like a shockwave that expands outward.

TRAVIS: Fuck.

MATT: This divine light impacts and cracks through every shattered nook and cranny of Fjord's armor before he's just surrounded in burning, searing light and he screams out instinctually like you've smote demons and sent them to other dimensions for a second, you're afraid Fjord's about to tear apart at the seams before it fades and leaves him smoking. I also need you to make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

MATT: Blinding Smite, yo.

TRAVIS: Oh, right, the blinding part.

SAM: It's because you wore him out with those push ups before.

TRAVIS: 13.

MATT: 13, you are blinded.

LAURA: Oh no, Fjord!

TRAVIS: This is a bad day.

LAURA: You should've canceled the crit!

TALIESIN: Nah.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh man.

SAM: Oh no, Fjord's the grandpa in this fight!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: (screams)

MARISHA: Bust out the Noxzema!

MATT: I'll just put this on you.

SAM: Oh no.

LIAM: Caleb's just leans--

MATT: He's concentrating to maintain it.

LIAM: -- leans over to Jester and just says: This is very violent.

LAURA: Oh gosh, this is so much worse than I thought it was going to go!

MATT: It's until the spell-- at the end of each turn, you have to make a constitution saving throw to see if it maintains.

TRAVIS: At the end of my turn or his?

MATT: At the end of your turn.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: All right, so, that's his first strike.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Oh no!

MARISHA: Oh shit.

MATT: Because you are blinded, he has advantage on the attack roll.

TRAVIS: Cool.

MATT: That is, nope.

LAURA: He's going to miss you.

LIAM: No, natural 20.

LAURA: Miss him.

MATT: Does a 16 hit?

TRAVIS: Uh, no.

MATT: Okay, you are fucking lucky. All right, those are his two attacks.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

MATT: And he backs away a bit. Actually, no, he's going to be standing there and watching you just there reeling from it and be like look up towards the crowd and go (laughs). Rally them a bit, people go, (cheers). They're going nuts, people are cheering. It's crazy. It's your turn, Fjord.

LAURA: You can do it, Fjord!

LIAM: Does he have a straight roll? He's Faerie Fired and Fjord is blind?

MATT: No, he resisted the Faerie Fire.

LIAM: He resisted it? Aw!

TRAVIS: 92 points.

MATT: Yeah, that was crazy.

TRAVIS: Well, that kind of changed any strategy I have. All right, let's try, fuck it, right? We just got to go for it. With my bonus action, I will cast Banishing Smite and I will take two strikes, blindly, at him.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Disadvantage?

MATT: So Blinding Smite, disadvantage in the attacks.

TALIESIN: Yeah, there's no canceling because of the hex or anything like that.

MATT: No, he does extra damage if he hits with it.

LIAM: Come on.

TRAVIS: That is a 16 to hit.

MATT: You swing wide, with his shield, deflects it off to the side and you feel it hit dirt.

TRAVIS: Cool.

LAURA: Further right! Further to your right!

TRAVIS: Got it! Ugh. Three and a four.

LAURA: I'm sorry, I meant your left!

SAM: Stage right, stage right.

MATT: This time, you telegraph the swing and as you go wide, he just looks over towards some of the group above and ducks it while looking at some of the crowd watching.

LAURA: Oh boy.

MATT: With a bit of a smile.

TRAVIS: That's rude.

MARISHA: Fuck you, Green Knight!

TRAVIS: I missed, didn't I? I missed.

LAURA: No, you got him, Fjord, you got him, he's dead!

TRAVIS: Yeah, cool.

MATT: Banishing Smite, do you still have concentration, so you still maintain it if you can maintain concentration.

TRAVIS: Sure, or just stay conscious.

MATT: Well, make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: Oh, right, at the end, okay.

MATT: To see if you can resist the blindness.

TRAVIS: 13.

MATT: 13, no, still blind.

TRAVIS: Man, this is piss-poor rolls.

LAURA: You used up all your luck before.

TRAVIS: I did, I really did.

MATT: His turn, he's going to shift over this way.

TALIESIN: Good man.

MATT: Lean in and be like, "Hey, are you okay, man?"

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: "I feel kind of bad."

TRAVIS: No, just go for it, this is great, put on a show.

MARISHA: He is the old man, he is!

TRAVIS: Don't old man me, let's go. (laughs)

MATT: "I don't know what that means, but okay." He's going to go ahead and first attack, with advantage.

LAURA: Oh no.

MARISHA: I'm going to teach Ronin pop pop as soon as I can.

MATT: It's a 21 to hit.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that hits.

MATT: You take double ones on 2d8. Eight points of slashing damage and one point of radiant damage.

TALIESIN: Nine points of damage.

TRAVIS: Nine points of damage. You see me fall backwards, unconscious, but my relentless endurance--

MATT: Oh, shit!

TRAVIS: The half-orc kicks in.

MATT: That's right, so you're still at one hit point.

TRAVIS: So I pop up to one hit point.

SAM: Yay!

(laughter and cheering)

TALIESIN: I can actually see the cartoon birds.

TRAVIS: And he takes two points of radiant damage.

MATT: Got it, all right. Make a constitution saving throw to see if you can maintain your smite.

TRAVIS: 16?

MATT: Yeah, you're fine.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: Second attack, with advantage.

LIAM: Oh boy.

MATT: That's going to be... 20.

TRAVIS: (dramatic groans) Yeah, that'll hit.

MATT: Yeah, that'll do. Knocks you up in the air, he hits you with the flat end of the battleaxe. Just for sheer impact.

TALIESIN: It's a spanking.

MATT: Knocks you into the air, onto the ground. And everyone goes like, cheering, and you see him go like, "Ha-ha," but he's looking at Fjord like... He throws the axe down on the ground and like, reaches out and Lay Hands you for--

TRAVIS: (gasps)

MATT: He Lays Hands you for 15 hit points.

TRAVIS: Thank you, thank you, that's very--

LAURA: He's had a really bad day.

TRAVIS: Very kind of you. I take it I lost?

MATT: And he pulls you back up, he's like, "I mean, only this much, but, some of that stuff I saw you do was pretty crazy."

TRAVIS: I actually had a hernia this morning so, I don't want to make excuses.

MATT: "Oh, that explains it all, no worries." He takes your hand and holds it up, and he's like, "What a good job, eh, guys?"

ALL: Oh!

MATT: And Jacquel is cheering.

TRAVIS: Drinks on the house for the combatants?

MATT: "They are now, my treat!"

TRAVIS: Great, good, I'll be over here.

MATT: Everyone cheers.

LAURA: Let's just pretend we didn't see it happen, okay? We're in the bathroom when it happened.

TRAVIS: I go grab the whiskey and go up to where everyone else is. Wow, that was, what did you think?

TALIESIN: That was amazing.

MARISHA: You did good.

LAURA: I was in the bathroom. I missed the whole thing. Did you win?

TRAVIS: You missed my fight?

LAURA: Yes.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh. Well, it was a hard fought battle, I would say. Fairly-- Caleb, how would you describe it?

MARISHA: He did great.

LIAM: He fought valiantly.

LAURA: Just as I knew you would, Fjord. Good job.

LIAM: Stick-to-itive-ness.

TRAVIS: Where did Nott go?

MARISHA: Oh, where did Nott go?

TRAVIS: It was because I lost.

LIAM: She stepped out, no, no, before the fight.

TRAVIS: Oh, she didn't stick around for the-- I'm going to back down to the bar.

MARISHA: I'm going to come with you!

TRAVIS: Yasha, please do better than I did.

ASHLEY: Yeah, okay.

MARISHA: I go get drinks with Fjord.

MATT: Jacquel walks back out to the center of the ring. "All right, everyone, that was quite a display! Two in a row of extremely fast battles!"

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Fuck. (laughter)

MATT: Long way from Grog, that was a rough one. I'm sorry, but once again, you did 50 damage from not even hitting him.

TRAVIS: Thank you, I never hit him. (laughter) I got to rework this strategy, I think.

MARISHA: You got some shit rolls.

MATT: That was some shit rolls. He rolled really, really well. So "For our final bout tonight, we have our returning challenged champion, of fisticuffs, here in the Stone Coffin! Can I bring out, Kal Dimmins!" The crowd goes, (cheers)!

LAURA: Woo!

MATT: You watch as the dwarf woman sits up, finishes her tankard, throws it on the ground. Rolls in a circle, walks out to the center. (screams) (bones cracking)

(groaning)

LAURA: Oh, god!

MATT: She like cracks every part of her body.

MARISHA: I like it.

MATT: "And--"

SAM: (like Beau) I like it.

MATT: "The one person with the guts enough to try and take her on, Yasha from Xhorhas!" Everyone's like, "Yeah!" Cheering and claps.

TRAVIS: Let's go, Yasha!

MATT: You walk out, they close the door behind. The medic comes up and heals you for an additional--

TRAVIS: Don't fucking touch me.

MATT: Okay, the medic turns back around.

ASHLEY: So warming up, hitting my muscles, I lean into her and I say: So you're the champion?

MATT: "Yeah. For a reason."

ASHLEY: Well, you better give them a show, then.

MATT: "I plan on it."

ASHLEY: This is...

MATT: You're waiting for it, you're waiting for it, the room gets quiet and tense. Everyone's just leaning forward over the railing. All the breath leaves the chamber, as Jacquel goes... "Begin!" Roll initiative.

LAURA: Go, Yasha! Oh! Get it out of your system.

ASHLEY: So I get advantage.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: You do.

LIAM: One of you wins fucking initiative--

ASHLEY: Six.

MATT: Six, oh.

MARISHA: With advantage?

ASHLEY: Yep.

MARISHA: Oh no.

MATT: Kal goes first.

MARISHA: Oh no!

TALIESIN: Oh no.

MARISHA: Yeah, we all lost advantage.

MATT: You all lost initiative. Kal goes (grunts) and bites her lower lip before charging towards you, bonus action, goes into a rage. Frenzied rage.

TRAVIS: Frenzied rage, three attacks.

MATT: Yeah. So just so you're aware here, fists, and for a standard of this, are just one damage plus your strength modifier plus whatever your rage bonus and everything else would be. So just keep that in mind.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: So running forward, (grunts) reckless attack on you, with advantage, out of the gate, all three attacks, or no, two attacks, because the bonus action was used to rage, so just two attacks on you. Natural 20.

LIAM: Oh!

MATT: Which means it's now two damage and the die, it doesn't do much, criticals in a fist fight don't do too much, unless you're a monk. So it's going to be seven points of bludgeoning damage in the first hit.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Second attack is going to be, oh, not good! 11.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TALIESIN: Not 11 damage, just--

MATT: No, 11 to hit.

ASHLEY: Oh oh, no, that doesn't hit.

MATT: Yeah, I rolled a one and a two.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit.

MATT: Oh, that's it, that's it for this round. And it's just, at this point, finishes-- (grunts) "Come at me." It's your turn.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: She's grinning through it.

LAURA: Wait, are you going to rage? I'm sorry.

ASHLEY: No. That is a, a...

TRAVIS: You have advantage, because she does--

MATT: Yeah, you have advantage on your attacks against her. Are you raging first or are you?

ASHLEY: No.

MATT: No, interesting, okay.

ASHLEY: That's better. That would be a 21 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

ASHLEY: And I just look at her, and I back hand her across the face.

MATT: (surprised laugh) Okay, that still does the damage. So it's one damage plus your strength modifier.

TRAVIS: I love it.

ASHLEY: So four, yeah.

MATT: Four, reduced, because she's raging, to two.

ASHLEY: Great.

MATT: All right, you have your second attack, if you want.

ASHLEY: Yep.

MATT: So you just.

LAURA: Advantage.

ASHLEY: Advantage. Okay, that is good, that is... Yeah, okay. Oh, shit, the first one was 16. 23 to hit.

MATT: Hits, roll damage, or not roll damage for this one, because this is just the-- add another--

ASHLEY: I do it again, with my other hand.

MATT: Damn.

MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: So four points it is.

TRAVIS: Foregoing the rage damage.

MATT: (snarls)

MARISHA: It's like Laura Bailey leaving the Game awards.

MATT: Everyone in the crowd goes like, "Oh, what!" The room gets really loud and really quiet as she's like... (snarls)

LIAM: Fuck it, I did it.

MATT: (grunts) And jumps at you, like a feral beast.

LAURA: Oh, gosh.

MATT: Now, for this attack, not fists, but fingernails, is going to scratch towards your face. Going reckless again, three attacks. Natural 20. Once again, I know, this dice is rolling really well, but it's still seven points of bludgeoning damage.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Second one is going to be... 25 to hit, and six points of bludgeoning damage. And that bonus action third strike is going to be only a 14 to hit.

ASHLEY: That does not hit.

MATT: Third one misses. So in the air, leaps and the first one claws across your face. And scratches while the hand grabs the front of your tunic area and holds on, feet planted up on your chest, the other hand comes down and attempts to gouge into your eye and you pull back and she scratches across your face. Now you have scratches on both sides of your face and the third time, goes to try and come down and pummel you and you just push her off and she lands back onto her legs. (snarls and pants) She looks like she's going crazy. It's your turn.

ASHLEY: All right.

LAURA: You get advantage, because she's reckless attacking.

ASHLEY: Okay, 21 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

ASHLEY: Okay, so, um... I--

MATT: Still holding back on your rage?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: But, but why?

LAURA: But why?

ASHLEY: I push her and I get really close to her and I say: Is that all you got?

MATT: Are you using your action to shove her or are you using your action to make an intimidation check?

ASHLEY: No, I'm just saying that to her and then I push her.

MATT: Okay, are you doing damage with the push or just pushing her?

ASHLEY: No.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Just pushing her?

ASHLEY: Just pushing her.

MATT: Make an athletics check. ASHLEY: Okay.

SAM: Cocky, I like it.

ASHLEY: 22.

MATT: Okay. Double check something here real fast.

LAURA: What's this Yasha doing?

SAM: She's killing her with kindness.

LIAM: Backhands and kindness.

MATT: Do you want to push her five feet away with your push or knock her prone?

ASHLEY: Just push her five feet away.

MATT: Okay, so you push her five feet back. That's your first strike. You can move in closer, if you want to.

ASHLEY: Yeah, oh yeah, so I can attack.

LAURA: At advantage.

ASHLEY: Nope, doesn't hit. Nothing.

MATT: Okay. So the second time you move forward, and you try and slap her again?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: You slap and she catches your wrist and you see her eye twitching. Not able to understand and really figure out what you're about, and everyone's like, "Oh, shit!" You pull her hand back and break her grip. It's now her turn. Yeah, she's going all-in again, three more strikes. She's going to leap over you and land behind you and try and get onto your back and begin trying to pull away and pummel the back and sides of your head, just boxing you from over top. That's going to be a 24 to hit.

ASHLEY: Yep.

MATT: You take six points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: No.

MATT: Seven points of bludgeoning damage.

ASHLEY: Yep.

SAM: Oh no!

MATT: And that's a... 17 to hit?

ASHLEY: Yep, just hits.

MATT: Yeah, you take another six points bludgeoning damage.

ASHLEY: With that, bloodied, I finally start to smile, which you haven't seen in a while. Okay.

SAM: She just wants to get beat up. This is some weird sick thing.

ASHLEY: 19 plus seven. 26, yeah, 26.

MATT: That definitely hits.

ASHLEY: She's still on my back?

MATT: Yep.

ASHLEY: I just shove her off onto the ground.

MATT: Just pull her off onto the ground?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: Slamming her onto the ground, doing two points of damage?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: Would be four, but two because she's raging, still. Onto the ground now, arms and legs are curled up in a defensive position, almost like a spider knocked onto its back, what are you doing?

ASHLEY: Second attack.

MATT: Yeah, what are you doing for the second attack?

ASHLEY: It hits, it hits, it's 20. Total, well, 20 total?

MATT: That hits, yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay. I'm going to kick her in her side.

MATT: Crack into that bit there, all right. That's another two points of damage. All righty, is that your turn?

ASHLEY: That's my turn.

MATT: All right, after being thrown over and onto her back, she gets back up, growls loudly. (growls dramatically) Is going to go ahead and flank around to the side and is going to attempt to swing to pick you up to throw you on the ground. She's going to make a shove attack. Make an athletics check.

ASHLEY: 16?

MATT: She rolled a 16, they both got even, let me see what--

LAURA: Is this like a game of War, and then you go again?

MATT: We'll see, we'll see.

MARISHA: Who's quickest?

MATT: It says it's athletics versus athletics.

TRAVIS: Oh, right.

MATT: Succeed would be equaling, but defense, no, so yeah, so you get knocked prone. She grabs and sweeps you up and slams you onto the ground so you're knocked prone there. The second strike, she's going to bring both her fists up (grunts) and gorilla slam on top of you, with advantage, because you were prone. That'll be 25, so you take six points of bludgeoning damage again. And bonus action, go for a second slam. That is a 20 to hit.

ASHLEY: That hits.

MATT: Six points of bludgeoning damage. As you are just being pummeled into the ground. You watch every impact, there's now foam curling at the corners of Kal's mouth. With every hit, the rocks nearby surrounding the point of impact shake and scatter a bit. That's your turn.

ASHLEY: Okay, so I would like to try, from the ground, as she's going down, to grab her wrists and try to bring her close to me.

MATT: So you're going to grapple her?

ASHLEY: Yeah, 17.

MATT: 17?

ASHLEY: Or well, I guess--

MATT: Is this a grapple you're trying to? You don't have advantage on this because she didn't reckless attack on you.

ASHLEY: Okay, I rolled 10 for both.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: So what do I add to that, then?

MATT: If you're trying to grapple her? Athletics check.

ASHLEY: Athletics check, 17, same.

MATT: She has advantage on it because she's raging. But still rolls only a 15. So you do, you have her grappled now. You are the ground, you reach up, and you have her held to you with your first attack.

ASHLEY: So when I grab her by her wrists, I pull her close, and I say: You are fucking weak. Then I push her away.

MATT: Make an intimidation check.

LAURA: Oh my god, Yasha's so hardcore.

MARISHA: I know!

LIAM: Orphan Maker!

MATT: Use your strength for it, if you want to.

ASHLEY: Okay, 19.

MATT: 19. Natural fucking one.

ALL: Oh!

MATT: As you push her away, she is frightened of you and backs away and is like (pants) and looks up at everyone around her. Everyone's like leaning in and going, what is happening? She's... (pants)

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: (pants) It's her turn and she steps back, and steps back to about 10 feet away from you.

TRAVIS and MARISHA: She's frightened. Holy shit!

LAURA: Oh my god!

TRAVIS: She's going to lose her rage.

LIAM: Spooked her.

LAURA: (gasps)

MARISHA: Oh my god!

MATT: All right, it's your turn.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: So... Technically, the grapple, I think is... This is very different than I was expecting. To make a grapple is an attack so it does maintain the rage. She would have to not attack her this round, to have the rage dropped.

ASHLEY: Or not be hit.

MATT: Or not be hit, yeah.

TRAVIS: But she can be frightened while she's raging?

MATT: She can be frightened, yeah. Well, actually, let me double check that.

LIAM: Think how crazy this would be if it was an old man.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: That would be so mean.

LIAM: Is that all you've got?

MARISHA: You're weak!

ASHLEY: You're old!

(laughter)

LIAM: I came for rice pudding!

MATT: Okay, I will say, because she is a frenzy barbarian, she is immune to frightened while raging.

LAURA: Oh, got it, okay.

MATT: So she's not frightened of you, but you're still seeing a reaction out of her, like the frightened condition hasn't broken through, she's not backing away so much, but she's definitely like, she can't figure you out, and in the middle of that blind feral rage, you're cutting through a bit. So then on her turn, she is going to attack you. Will not be reckless, because of that, I'll say. That's going to be a 21 to hit.

ASHLEY: That hits.

MATT: So six points of bludgeoning And an 11, miss?

ASHLEY: That misses.

MATT: Bonus action. I take it you used your turn on your turn to get up, right?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: And then the third strike will be-- that's cocked. Natural one.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

MATT: So like, claw, punch. (pants)

LAURA: You've broken the streak, Yasha. The 20s are gone.

MATT: Your turn.

ASHLEY: Okay, so I walk up to her, and I go up to attack her. Oh, I don't have advantage, right?

MATT: No, she didn't do reckless this turn.

ASHLEY: 16?

MATT: 16 just hits.

TRAVIS: You could go reckless, if you want it.

ASHLEY: Oh, that's true. Well, that hits. Oh, yeah, I'm going to go reckless.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Thank you. 17, so that hits. But she will have advantage now. So I am going to... Punch her in her stomach, but I'm going to pull the punch but the crowd won't notice that.

MATT: So not doing any damage?

ASHLEY: So-- no.

MATT: All right, so, she reacts from the blow and looks confused. That's your first attack.

SAM: Maybe she's just trying to make Fjord feel better?

TRAVIS: You're not there.

SAM: You don't know.

ASHLEY: Yeah, that hits, a 25.

MATT: 25. You pulled the one punch back and she's like-- (pants)

ASHLEY: And then I smack her again.

MATT: For another two damage?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: All right.

SAM: You're nothin'!

MATT: She's got a little bit of curled blood at the corner of her mouth from the slap which hits. (breathes heavily)

ASHLEY: What are you waiting for?

MATT: (grunts) And she leaps towards you, puts her hands around your neck and is going for a strangle, from a thematic standpoint. With advantage, that definitely hits. Six points of bludgeoning as she's pushing in towards your wind pipe. 19 to hit? Another six points of bludgeoning damage and another bonus action, 21 to hit, so it's another-- so three, so it's 18 points of bludgeoning damage this round as she's now on top of you. You're strong enough to hold your weight and you're having to go on your back foot to hold it, but she's pounced on you like a creature and is just like pushing in your windpipe while looking through your eyes with absolute fury. It's your turn.

ASHLEY: Okay. Let's see, yeah, 18, good. Okay, so, 25 to hit again.

MATT: Definitely hits, what do you do?

ASHLEY: So she's in front of me?

MATT: Yeah.

ASHLEY: So I would like to run up against the bars-- (Laura gasps) and push her up against the wall.

LAURA: While she's strangling you?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: All right. Just make a strength check for me, if you don't mind.

ASHLEY: Not good.

MATT: It's okay, she didn't get good, either.

ASHLEY: Five.

MATT: Five?

SAM: Total?

ASHLEY: Total, I rolled a two.

MATT: Technically, she still wins. So you go to pull her around on that first strike and as you go to push, she actually pulls her leg off of your chest and puts it behind and prevents you from moving it further. You can use your second attack if you want to try again.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: Reckless.

MATT: Oh, you do have advantage on your strength checks, because you are-- oh no, you're not raging, so you're not. Never mind. So the second one is?

ASHLEY: Wait, but why did I just roll twice?

LAURA: Because she was reckless attacking you.

MATT: Well this is a strength check, if you're just pushing her. So for the first one was,

ASHLEY: I think the first one was a four, so, seven.

MATT: Seven, yeah, you're pushing her, but she's digging in, resisting, resisting and she's scraping across the ground, you're getting-- you see the dirt groove push behind her as you're slowly pushing her towards the bars. You don't quite get her there, but you're definitely getting some ground with her. On her attack, she's still clutching onto your throat and is going to continue to squeeze. Misses the first one. And yeah, she's going reckless with these, so. That's going to hit. That's another six points of bludgeoning damage. And 12 points total.

ASHLEY: 12 points total?

MATT: Yeah, still just squeezing. The absolute anger in her eyes, but still a look of confusion, the head's turned to the side. Your turn.

ASHLEY: Okay. I'm going to shove her back into the wall again, see if I can do that.

MATT: Strength check.

ASHLEY: 14.

MATT: Natural one.

ASHLEY: Okay, so I'm going to shove her up against the wall and I'm going to scream at her, show me why you're the fucking champion!

(laughter)

MATT: Oh, shit. So as you, doosh, into the metal bars, the guards and the healer back away as dust shakes off of them. The bars, the sound of the iron clattering fills the chamber with this heavy impact sound. Everybody on this end is leaning over the bars to see where it's going. You hear a table get pushed over off to the side as someone got excited and knocked it over. For her turn she's going to turn back and release, or not, she's going to pull her thumb away from your wind pipe and is going to attempt to head butt you. That is going to be reckless on you. Yeah, that's six points of bludgeoning damage. Crack, right into your forehead. You can feel the skin split, and the blood begin to warm down the front of your face and nose. Second head butt, it's going to be a...

LAURA: Oh, twice in a row.

MATT: 20 to hit, another six bludgeoning damage. Crack, a second time, her head split as well. There's just blood on both of your faces. But she just-- Third one. Is going to be a 15. Does 15 hit?

ASHLEY: It doesn't hit.

MATT: The third time, she goes to headbutt you a third time, and it's just too slick and it actually skids off to the side as you move your head along the way. It's your turn.

ASHLEY: Okay. I'm going to try to shove her off of me.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Natural 20.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: So I'd like to shove her off of me.

MATT: Yeah, (chuckles) natural one. Two natural ones in a row on her.

ASHLEY: And just shove her off and throw her against the wall.

MATT: Okay, so you push her this way into the bars again on this end?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: So you pull back and shove her off. She slams into the bars. They rattle from the impact. She's like-- (pants)

ASHLEY: (quietly) Come on, champion. You're so close. Fucking finish it.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: Jesus.

MARISHA: The fucking fuck?

SAM: This is the saddest pit fight.

MATT: Are you moving in to close the gap?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: Ashley Johnson, you crazy motherfucker.

MATT: I know, what the fuck?

LAURA: Do you feel intimidated?

MATT: Yeah! (laughter)

ASHLEY: My voice is not fully there, so I like tried doing the yelling and I'm like, I'm just stick to whispering.

TRAVIS: No it's good, it's good.

MATT: It's cool, it's cool.

ASHLEY: It's not fully coming out.

LIAM: Where is Harvey Dent?

ASHLEY: Where is Harvey Dent?

MATT: So another--?

ASHLEY: 24.

MATT: All right.

ASHLEY: 24.

MATT: Another two damage, as you rush forward, and what is this attack?

ASHLEY: I'm just going to push her again into the bars.

MATT: Against the bars, she's going to grab both the hands as you push her into it and knock them away and is going to go ahead and attempt to punch upward with an uppercut towards you. Reckless, that's going to be a... 18?

ASHLEY: Yep.

MATT: Six points of bludgeoning damage.

ASHLEY: Great.

MATT: Yeah, another six points of bludgeoning damage.

ASHLEY: So close.

MATT: And then another six points of bludgeoning damage.

SAM: Oh, boy.

MATT: Just (mimics thuds) and then hits you in the stomach, extremely hard. You weren't quite ready for your muscles to contract in time and you just take full impact to the inside of your torso and you feel like all the organs seize in pain and the impact ripple inside. Your vision's starting to go a little...

LIAM: It's great.

ASHLEY: Damn. Oh, wait, why am I roll-- oh, reckless.

MATT: Well, she was reckless, so you have advantage on her.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah. 28.

MATT: All right, that hits, two damage.

ASHLEY: Okay, so I would like to... Actually... No, I don't want to do that. I was thinking of something, but I don't want to do that.

SAM: Finger of death.

ASHLEY: (chuckles) Yeah. I'm just going to take the bottom of my boot and I'm going to just push her up against the wall.

MATT: She's like-- you just push her and hold her against it. Okay? (snarls)

TRAVIS: Like Sparta front kick?

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, just not really any damage.

MATT: You have your second attack?

ASHLEY: Yep.

LAURA: Crush her.

MATT: With advantage.

ASHLEY: 15?

MATT: 15 misses. So no damage, but she's still holding the boot there. Her turn, she's going to attempt to punch right underneath where the knee joint is to see if she can--

LAURA: Ooh, yeah, that's good.

SAM: Sweep the leg.

MATT: Six points of bludgeoning damage. Knocks you underneath, the knee buckles and she shoves your leg off to the side, you catch yourself. Second attack.

ASHLEY: I grab her. And I just say, finish it, champion.

MATT: She looks... So furious and so weirded out, that she just doesn't know what to do. And is like (grunts wildly). And that is going to be a 15 to hit.

ASHLEY: It doesn't hit.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: That will hit, another six points of bludgeoning damage.

ASHLEY: As she hits me, bloodied, just a smile of relief before being knocked unconscious.

MATT: And as the final blow... Yasha swings back. Her feet go into the air and on the ground. The smile on her face. So you don't even try the-- you're not raging, yeah. And so you just, the eyes roll back as the grin hits, that you all see. And everyone goes like... "Yeah!" And they cheer. "Kal, Kal, Kal, Kal, Kal!" And Kal's... But all the cheers die away a bit, because Kal is not celebrating. Kal is just like she had seen a ghost is just staring at Yasha unconscious on the ground, the blood caked under her finger nails, the little bit of blood dripping from her jaw just like... (pants) And just leaves, like leaves the entire arena. Storms through the gates, up the stairs, and out of the venue.

ASHLEY: I ruin people.

(laughter)

SAM: She's going to give up fighting.

TALIESIN: Wow.

MATT: Everything gets quiet. (as Jacquel) "Okay, that's been a real interesting evening! "Thank you all for coming. Let's go ahead and do some payouts here and thank you for making time here in the middle of the week, uh... Yeah!"

(laughter) (applause)

TRAVIS: I jog over to the open bars, since I'm down there anyway, and just like--

MARISHA: I go with Fjord.

TRAVIS: Medic!

MATT: The medic's already rushed over and you heal...

ASHLEY: I think, um, what is the thing-- oh, no, that's only if you're raging.

MATT: 14 hit points you heal.

MARISHA: I just look at Fjord.

ASHLEY: 14 hit points, okay.

TRAVIS: We agreed to have our asses kicked.

SAM: (laughs)

TRAVIS: A show of solidarity.

MARISHA: That was the conversation when you all were alone?

TRAVIS: Don't try to understand.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

MATT: Are you intentionally trying to deceive her?

TRAVIS: No, I'm just lying.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Beau knows. (laughs)

LAURA: Beau knows.

TRAVIS: Beau knows.

LAURA: I look over at Caduceus.

ASHLEY: She was a champion, for sure.

LAURA: I think, um--

TALIESIN: We're going to have to have a talk about that.

LAURA: I think Yasha needs some--

TALIESIN: Yeah, we're going to talk about that.

MARISHA: Yasha comes out of our gate, yeah?

MATT: Yeah, Yasha does comes out, and joins you guys in the foyer area. Other folks are starting to gather.

TRAVIS: How're you feelin'?

MARISHA: Hi, friend!

ASHLEY: She was very, very strong. She is the champion for a reason.

TRAVIS: Yeah, kind of.

MARISHA: Uh huh, yup.

LAURA: It looked like it, it looked--

ASHLEY: I think I gave it my best.

MARISHA: Mm-hm.

TRAVIS: You certainly slapped her your best. Are you okay?

MARISHA: Felt like a lot of whispering, Was just all like a lot of like...

ASHLEY: Yeah, I think I was just off, I don't know, because it just wasn't my fight.

TRAVIS: Okay.

ASHLEY: I'm sorry. I can pay you guys back.

ALL: No, no!

LAURA: I know you tried your hardest, it's not--

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'm sorry.

TRAVIS: Do you feel good about the fight?

ASHLEY: I feel great.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, see that's apparent, actually. That's kind of what concerns me.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you had this sort of a grin when you went out. I mean, I did as well. I enjoy the feeling of being knocked unconscious, but it seemed like you really, really liked it.

TALIESIN: Did you, uh... Did you figure out what you were trying to figure out in there?

ASHLEY: I don't think I did, but... There was a... A moment of release, I guess. I'm going to get another mai tai.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Let's actually, let's go to, um-- let's go to our bar and get like a round of mai tais, yeah?

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: Official drink of Rexxentrum.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Land-locked Rexxentrum. Mai tai.

LIAM: Yeah, before Yasha even makes it eight or nine steps from where she is, Caleb's already got two large flagons from the bar.

SAM: With huge umbrellas?

LIAM: Just hands one over-- huge umbrella, just hands it to her. Holds her gaze for a second and says, I get it.

MARISHA: That's still only two mai tais, though. Like, I want a round of mai tais.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we need the spring break mai tais.

MATT: Gathering your winnings. LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Winnings?

MATT: Yes.

MATT: Caleb, you put in 300.

LIAM: 200 on this winner right here.

MATT: Right.

LIAM: Crone beater.

MATT: Right, 100 of yours and 100 of hers, right?

LIAM: Yes, 200 total.

MATT: Correct, so that would mean you would get...

LIAM: I just split whatever I get back with Beauregard.

MATT: Okay, so you get your 100 back, so 200 back, plus, it would be an additional 400 you get on top of that.

LIAM: 400, okay, so I split, so that's 600 total? You get 300.

MARISHA: Thank you.

LIAM: I have 300.

MATT: Oh, sorry, you got 400 total on that, so it was 200 each of you.

LIAM: Total, okay.

MATT: Beauregard, because you were the actual entry, you win a 150 gold, plus 10% of the pot, which would be... 260.

LAURA: Nice.

MATT: So it's a total of 310 that you've made on top of that.

MARISHA: 310 gold. Total, with Caleb?

MATT: No, this is just you.

LAURA: Yeah, you made bank tonight.

ASHLEY: Damn.

LIAM: You should wail on old dudes more often.

MARISHA: Holy shit.

SAM: The lesson is, punch old men.

MARISHA: I go up to Ova with 100 gold. Here, go to a dentist.

SAM: (laughs)

MATT: "Thank you."

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: (lisping) Thank you.

MATT: And he gets a payout on the side, too, from somebody else.

TRAVIS: He makes money every night.

MARISHA: Cool.

MATT: You get the sense.

MARISHA: Yeah, he's doing well. Yeah.

TRAVIS: Plasma donation.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Hey man, my dad did it for a long time.

MARISHA: I feel a little less bad for him. Bye, man, I'm just going to go.

MATT: Okay. For Jester, you put 120 on Beau, So you get the 120 back, plus the, uh, what was the extra amount I told you it was the--

LIAM: What what?

TALIESIN: Double your--

LIAM: One plus two plus two plus one.

MATT: Right, it was the double down, so you got 240.

LAURA: 240 back.

MATT: Correct, you spent--

LAURA: That doesn't--

MATT: You spent 300 and...

LAURA: 320.

MATT: 320 and you got 240 back.

LAURA: Oh, okay, so I just, oh, okay.

MATT: You still lost money.

LAURA: It was a one to one thing, okay.

TALIESIN: Same, 200 back. Fair.

MATT: So that is all the winnings distributed. I'll double check when I have time over the break, if need be.

SAM: Woo!

MATT: What have you been doing, Nott?

SAM: Robbin' the hat store!

(laughter)

LAURA: What? What!

ASHLEY: Cy's Tops, or what's it called?

TRAVIS: Cy's Topper.

MATT: Cy's Topper. Okay, go ahead and roll a--

LAURA: Oh, my god.

(laughter)

MATT: Go ahead and roll a thieves' tools check. Using your dexterity.

SAM: I get reliable talent, 23.

MATT: 23, yeah. You poke into that hat store. It is closed. It is a beautiful array of all sorts of strange hats. Not like the highest end, but it is a good array and you have the pick of the litter.

SAM: I want a top hat for myself.

MATT: You got it.

SAM: What else they got, they got any of those weird Bavarian things?

MATT: No, no, they do have, um...

MARISHA: Tricorns?

SAM: You know, the little feather thing, yeah.

MATT: Well, I mean, there'd be something like that. Akin to, I guess you could say. There are plenty of detailed bonnets with all sorts of faux flowers and veil elements of it. There are wide-brimmed riding hats, there are...

SAM: I'll get a hat for everybody.

MATT: Okay, okay. And you get to decide which hats you got.

TRAVIS: How much are you drinking right now?

SAM: Oh, plenty, I'm just walking down the aisles drinkin', tryin' on hats.

MATT: Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy is going on.

SAM: Find a little mirror.

TRAVIS: (humming Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy)

MATT: That's amazing.

SAM: Get a little yarmulke for Beau. (chuckles) I don't know.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: I'll take it.

MATT: As you guys wander outside the butchery, and catch up with Nott, who is clutching a pile of hats.

TRAVIS: The fuck?

SAM: I got presents!

LAURA: Where did you get this?

LIAM: Did you buy those? All those hats?

SAM: Yes!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Sure.

LIAM: It's so late. Where did you find a place that was open selling hats?

SAM: There's a all-night haberdasher.

LAURA: What'd you get for me?

SAM: I got you, um, well, your horns are an issue.

LAURA: Yeah. It's got to be a little teeny hat if you're going to--

SAM: Yeah, I got you just one of those tiny little doll hats that you put on with a little strap.

LAURA: That's so cute, I love it.

LIAM: Thanks, I hate it.

SAM: I got you a fez.

TALIESIN: It's weird with this head to get this sitting right.

MARISHA: It kind of suits you in a weird way. TALIESIN: Really?

TRAVIS: Inspector Gadget.

MARISHA: It goes with your very-- Yeah, you have a very vertical aesthetic.

TALIESIN: It doesn't nothing to keep the sun off. I don't really see the point.

SAM: Yasha, I got you a yellow beanie.

ASHLEY: Oh, cool. I like it. It fits.

TALIESIN: If you flip it down, it'll be more your style.

ASHLEY: If I flip it down, it'll be sad.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit!

SAM: I got you this weird Bavarian hat. (laughter) Oh!

LAURA: Ooh, it's really long.

LIAM: I feel like a bird.

SAM: I got a nice top hat for me, but it's like one of those big ones, like a Mad Hatter hat. (laughter) I got you a baseball cap, or the Zemnian equivalent.

TRAVIS: Yeah, uh-huh.

ASHLEY: I went to Rexxentrum and all I got was this--

MARISHA: Lousy hat, yeah.

LIAM: Hello, little boy.

SAM: And Fjord, I got you... Just like a cleric's... Not a cleric's, a clerk's visor for doing accounting.

TRAVIS: Oh, good.

LAURA: I would've thought like a cowboy hat.

LIAM: Or a pirate's hat, or--

SAM: Hold on, I'm going to go back in and find a cowboy hat.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Did she just run in next door?

MATT: Roll an investigation check.

TRAVIS: Oh, god. Is anyone out in the street?

SAM: 19.

MATT: You recall seeing-- it's not a cowboy hat, it is a rider's hat, but it looks strangely like a cowboy hat. You do find one.

SAM: Here, give me that one!

TRAVIS: Okay.

SAM: I just throw that one back in through the window.

MATT: (mimics glass shattering)

TRAVIS: Oh, fuck.

SAM: Let's move on!

MARISHA: Mai tais, woo!

MATT: With hats adorned, drinks on the way, you stumble out, some of you sore physically, some of you sore emotionally, towards an evening of hat drinking. And that's where we'll end this holiday episode. (laughs)

MARISHA: Also known as the Kentucky Derby.

MATT: Kinda, yeah.

MARISHA: Hat drinking.

TRAVIS: Pretty much, pretty much.

LIAM: ♪ I see your true colors shining through ♪

MATT: Man, that was a strange second half.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: That was really cool.

MATT: No, it was great!

SAM: Dark!

TRAVIS: The moment it started--

MARISHA: Holy shit, Yasha!

MATT: That was fucking cool, Yasha.

LAURA: Dark, Yasha.

TALIESIN: Way to Trent Reznor this event.

LIAM: Fucking really interesting move there.

MATT: ♪ I ♪

LIAM: Loved it.

MATT: ♪ Hurt myself today ♪

ASHLEY: Yeah, 15-year-old Ashley's coming out.

MATT: Oh, yeah! Yeah, I dig it, I dig it.

LIAM: Is the Stormlord just Johnny Cash?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: All righty, well, we come back in 2020.

ALL: Whoa!

MATT: Pick up from here, a whole lot of threads, some reading to do, some weaving to do, all sorts of insanity and a looming prospect of trying to sew this negotiation together between two warring nations. So we got a lot to look forward to.

SAM: 2020!

LAURA: Oh, man, that's crazy.

MATT: I know, it's weird.

SAM: I'm going to ride in on my laser car.

MATT: (laughs)

LIAM: Happy New Year, everybody.

ALL: Happy New Year!

MATT: Seriously. Thank you so much for joining us for this crazy year and for many of you, years beforehand. Have a wonderful holiday, through all of it. I know for some people, it can be a tougher time, but know that we're there with you. We appreciate you guys. We love you all so very much and is is Thursday yet? Have a good night guys, have a good holiday. Happy New Year!

(dramatic orchestral music)