Transcript:Perspective

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role where a bunch of nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

(hollering)

SAM: Dragons!

MATT: This just descends into further madness.

LIAM: We're stealing your bit.

MATT: I know.

LIAM: Wow.

(laughter)

MATT: Well, tonight's a little crazy, so let's get into some announcements. First and foremost, we have our fantastic returning sponsor and another returning sponsor, we have our friends at D&D Beyond, first and foremost, as they are the top of the episode. So Sam, if you wouldn't mind.

SAM: Hi everyone, it's me, Sam Riegel. Last week I was assaulted verbally on this stage--

ASHLEY: Well--

SAM: --by Liam and his attack dog, Ashley Johnson.

ASHLEY: You mean running mate?

SAM: Sure, call it what you will.

LIAM: Not assaulted. Just salted.

(laughter)

SAM: I could respond tonight with a retort, but in keeping with the spirit of the night. It's a positive night. It's filled with love and gratefulness to our Critter fans. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do the thing that everyone wants me to do. It's the thing that I was really put on this earth to do, which is sing a spoof song about our sponsor.

(laughter)

SAM: That's really what I do best.

MARISHA: Can this one be animated, though?

SAM: Probably not. We'd have to get some rights. Someone who owns the rights might be here tonight. Anyway.

TALIESIN: Oh no.

SAM: For this song, you might want to turn down your lights, where applicable.

TALIESIN: Oh no.

LAURA: What?

SAM: ♪ In the not too distant future ♪ ♪ Every Thursday AD ♪ ♪ There was an app called Beyond ♪ ♪ And it started with D&D ♪ ♪ Ooh la la la ♪ ♪ It let's you roll stats and compute ♪ ♪ Whether you're a mage or a big strong brute ♪ ♪ A perfect little warlock with an invisible mace ♪ ♪ Or a tiny little gnome with a super handsome face ♪ SAM: Uh huh. Uh huh. ♪ I sing you cheesy music ♪ ♪ The worst of mankind ♪ ♪ La la la ♪ ♪ You have to sit and hear my songs ♪ ♪ While I eradicate your mind ♪ ♪ La la la ♪ ♪ Now keep in mind I'm going to be ♪ ♪ The president and that's no gloat ♪ ♪ La la la ♪ ♪ And Liam has no chance at all ♪ ♪ Because everyone is going to vote ♪ ♪ Let's hear your predictions ♪ MATT: ♪ Liam ♪ SAM: What? MARISHA: Liam! SAM: What? TALIESIN: Liam. SAM: What!? ALL: ♪ Liam ♪ SAM: ♪That didn't go how I thought it would ♪ ♪ But I am undeterred ♪ ALL: ♪ La la la ♪ SAM: ♪ I've got the support of D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ And a million other nerds ♪ ♪ Vote Sam Riegel for president ♪ ♪ 2019! ♪

(applause) (laughter)

TRAVIS: Yes, yes! Wow. Just when I thought your campaign couldn't get any staler.

LIAM: A valiant attempt, a valiant attempt. Not enough, but a valiant attempt.

SAM: Next week, I'll bring the heat. I'll bring the heat.

(laughter)

MATT: Thank you, Sam.

SAM: Sure

TRAVIS: Really, really good. I feel swayed. I feel swayed.

MATT: That was a good retort.

ASHLEY: That was a great retort.

MATT: But definitely bring it next week, because I think, I think they're plotting.

TALIESIN: If you have it, bring it. I mean, if you got it, you should bring it.

SAM: If I got it. I don't know if I got it.

TALIESIN: If you got it, you bring it.

MATT: All right, and thank you D&D Beyond, as always. Our fantastic other returning sponsor this evening, our friends at The Rook & The Raven. They have come to help support tonight's episode. They have their highly-anticipated Draconic Edition Campaign Planner. It's now finally available for pre-order. If you guys haven't seen it, the awesome, leather-bound dragon design.

MARISHA: Are those bronze rings?

TRAVIS: Leather?

MATT: They are bronze rings. It's so pretty. The image, I don't know if you all can see it here, but it's an awesome dragon carved into the leather. It's really nice. It specifically is designed for DMs of any level, with helpful prompts that are in the margins to help make it easy for you to plan out and track your deep, engaging sessions for your campaign. It comes with a World Builder's kit. It's got a whole planner build out here for you. Cool interior with setup and character information, NPC information that you can put out there. It's actually pretty damn handy.

TRAVIS: Marisha never uses them. Oh wait, you always use that.

MARISHA: I wants it!

MATT: Well it's like this one right here, maybe, but you have to go and find it. Yeah, check this out, guys. The set is of an oiled leather, Shroud of Secrets, as it's called. Pre-orders are now open and available at TheRookandTheRaven.com/criticalrole, so check them out there, because they're pretty badass. All right, also as a heads up guys, we have five hours left in our Kickstarter campaign. (cheering) For the Legend of Vox Machina, the animated series. Please visit Critroll.com/animated to find out the information about the project if you haven't seen it so far. Be sure to stay tuned after tonight's episode at 11:30pm Pacific, we're going to have a special Kickstarter campaign end party here. We cannot thank you guys enough for all your support, and we have a fantastic friend who has come tonight to help us celebrate. If you don't mind joining me on stage here, Joel Hodgson everyone.

(cheering) (applause)

JOEL: This is so great. I'm so grateful to be here. Mighty Nein, so I'm so happy to be here with you.

(laughter)

JOEL: It's so wonderful and you guys are so great, and this little thing, this little trinket might be yours if everything goes right at the end of the night, in the next five hours. So fingers crossed.

MATT: Fingers crossed.

JOEL: So cheers, y'all. Critters, MiSTies, I'm singing for you, too.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Thanks so much.

(cheering)

MARISHA: This is crazy.

MATT: Yeah, so do make sure, I know this is insane. Please do stay tuned after the episode tonight, 11:30pm Pacific time for our half an hour round up final countdown to the end of the Kickstarter with our friend Joel. It's going to be amazing and we hope you guys can join us.

JOEL: Okay, can we go now? Crenshaw's with me. This is my GM right here.

MATT: Oh, yeah!

(cheering)

JOEL: Have a good game here. Good.

(laughter)

MATT: They'll be back.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Did that really happen?

MATT: Damn right it did.

LAURA: Oh my gosh. You guys, I hugged him before the show.

MARISHA: He is so nice.

ASHLEY: It took me four times to walk over and say hi. I kept finding something else to go get. I was like, I'm going to do that in a second.

MATT: I think you and Brittany both were doing rounds.

ASHLEY: Yep. Brittany and I were circling.

MATT: He got to tell me that his son was making a blood hunter, and I thought that was amazing. I told him like, very cool. We'll all look for updates down the road. Anyway, on that insane note, let's dive into tonight's episode of--

TALIESIN: Oh wow.

MATT: Critical Role.

LIAM: Everybody sit back and be safe!

(water gurgling) (thunder) (explosion) ♪ Roll roll ♪ ♪ Critical ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Role ♪ ♪ Critical ♪ ♪ Role ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames ♪ ♪ For the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware 'cause you're 'bout to be dead ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ They got magic and flare ♪ ♪ They've got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don't see over there ♪ ♪ There's a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting ♪ ♪ Rise up, don't think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands ♪ ♪ Take a chance roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Critical ♪ ♪ Role ♪ ♪ Critical ♪ ♪ Role ♪ ♪ Critical ♪ ♪ Role ♪ ♪ Critical ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call? ♪ ♪ Dig in deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it's your turn ♪ ♪ Your turn ♪ ♪ Your turn ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (fire burning) (dragon roaring)

Part I
MATT: And welcome back.

(laughter)

MATT: (sighs) Surrounded by children. Anyway, last we left off, The Mighty Nein had traversed the dangers of Xhorhas, behind enemy lines, in the struggle that currently resides. The war between the Empire and the Kryn Dynasty. You made friends, it seems, with the Bright Queen in a moment of a dangerous downward spiral, you presented the beacon that you'd carried since the beginning and in doing so, gained quite a lot of favor with the Dynasty. You were sent to a place to stay. You were basically given a direction as to possibly prove yourself further within their eyes and make yourselves strong allies within their side of this conflict. In doing so, you spoke with Professor Waccoh of the Marble Tomes Conservatory and were told of an issue where one of the Steelworks that'd been developing and designing and building a lot of the war machines for use in this struggle had undergone some sort of a giant-based incursion and had halted production. That was problematic for both her interests in research and for the overall effort against the Empire. You guys were to go and get rid of these giants, and possibly along the way for a little bonus, embarrass a rival of hers there as much as possible, the Foreman. You proceeded to embarrass him fairly well in that first meeting. Thankfully, at the hand of the forceful personality that is Fjord.

TRAVIS: Love you.

MATT: You hired a guide and made your way through the Vermaloc Wildwood, this lush forest of purple wood trees with vibrant red and brown and maroon leaves all around you. Are you okay, Sam?

SAM: Yeah, apparently I'm having a heart attack.

(laughter)

SAM: My watch is trying to save my life for some reason.

(laughter)

LAURA: Are you okay?

SAM: I don't know. I don't know what that was.

MARISHA: Did you feel your adrenaline?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Sam, calm the fuck down.

MATT: Yeah.

(laughter)

MATT: You traveled deep into these woods and discovered the outskirts of the Steelworks, which themselves were built and attached to a mining camp there that pulls a number of materials out that are then transferred throughout the Dynasty, but largely in the construction of these machines. There, upon stealthing your way through the front gates, the outer perimeter of this, you seem to have been noticed. Or at least Yasha was by one of these stone giants that resides within the interior. A boulder was thrown in your direction, which was not avoided. You shrugged off some of it, stopped it in place, and the entity seems to be aware of at least your presence. The rest of you, out of sight. As far as you know, your moorbounders off in the wood not far from you. You can hear behind the wooden perimeter fence of this location, the shifting and moving of the Stone Giants preparing in some way for whatever lurks out there in the wood. What are you doing?

TRAVIS: Did they go back behind the walls of the fort?

MATT: They haven't come around the walls. You've just seen one of them peek out and threw a boulder.

LAURA: Then he walked away?

MATT: Then he backed up, out of sight.

TRAVIS: At their closest to the fence, when they threw the boulder, how far were they from Yasha?

MATT: From Yasha?

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: About 60 or 70 feet.

TRAVIS: Did we all make it super far away from where she was? Did we fan out or--?

MATT: You guys began to fan out, I'd say, about 30 feet between the two groups before the giant took notice and threw the boulder. You're not that far from each other.

TRAVIS: 60 feet, huh?

LAURA: How high are the walls?

MATT: The walls themselves are about, between 12 and 15 feet tall. The fact that you could see the giant's head poking over it means they're somewhere between 15 to 18 feet.

SAM: We were going to stealth in, but it seems like that's moot at this point.

MARISHA: Yeah, we better pull back and let things calm down for a minute.

SAM: We could.

ASHLEY: Or I could pretend it's just me?

SAM: You could be the distraction?

ASHLEY: I don't know.

SAM: You'd do that? Sacrifice yourself for the greater good?

TRAVIS: Or we could try and take them right now.

MARISHA: No, let's lay low. We were trying to scout and figure out how many there actually were.

TALIESIN: Let's have this conversation while moving away from the--

MATT: You hear the creaking and shifting of rock on rock as two of the figured have lifted up two more boulders over the side and are both chucking them in the direction of Yasha once more.

ASHLEY: I'm going to start running.

MATT: Away or towards?

ASHLEY: Ooh, towards!

TRAVIS: (yelling) Yeah!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: So in this moment, as the two heads peek up, the rocks being lifted up, Yasha, split decision, head down, charges headlong out of cover towards the front of this--

TRAVIS: I will break cover and run from the treeline at the same time as you do.

ASHLEY: Oh no, okay!

MATT: All right, well, we are now in initiative order, then.

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

MATT: Go ahead and roll initiative, guys.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

SAM: Guys, (clears throat).

LIAM: That's not what we planned at all.

SAM: Well since, guys, since we are going into combat, I should tell everyone that this combat is powered by Dwarven Forge. They currently have a 406 page free PDF module tied to their Dungeon of Doom product available now on their website, and you'll see why.

MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Holy shit. Tones of autumn.

MATT: Yasha, you were back here. The rest of you decide amongst the sides where you would like to be, back in the wood.

MARISHA: Shit.

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

MATT: If you don't mind.

MARISHA: Where are these two teams?

MATT: Beyond this board is the tree line, so--

LAURA: Where are you, Fjord?

TRAVIS: I'm the same distance that Yasha is from--

LAURA: Yeah, but on this side?

MARISHA: We were together, right?

MATT: On that side.

MARISHA: It split. We started going other ways.

TALIESIN: I'm over there.

LIAM: I think we were that way.

TALIESIN: I'll be there with Beau.

LAURA: Caleb was?

LIAM: In the, yeah, I was with Beauregard.

SAM: Do I have a figurine somewhere?

MATT: Right over here.

LIAM: Not anymore, not anymore.

MARISHA: Yeah, I think so, too.

LAURA: I'm outside, so I'm going to switch this. Is that okay, Matt? I switched Yasha and--

SAM: Put me near Jessie.

MATT: That's fine.

LIAM: That's what I believe.

TALIESIN: Yeah, Jessie's in the trees.

MATT: Initiative order, guys? Okay, so we have 25 to 20?

MARISHA: 20.

MATT: All right, Beauregard first.

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: All right, that would be now 20, 15?

TRAVIS: 18.

ASHLEY: 18!

SAM: Oh, perfect. Works with the story and everything.

ASHLEY: I did it, too.

TALIESIN: 17.

MATT: 17 for Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Yeah, fudge.

MATT: 15 to ten? Ten to five?

LAURA: Six.

LIAM: Mighty Nein!

MATT: All right, so--

SAM: I had a natural one, which makes it five.

MATT: Okay. All right, so we have Caleb.

TALIESIN: You have two of those and two of those--

MATT: Jester. Then Nott.

LAURA: Fuck.

SAM: Fuck.

MATT: All righty. Top of the round. Beauregard, you see now Yasha begins darting out of the wood and you see Fjord making a split decision and then going to join. What are you doing on your turn?

MARISHA: I go: (sarcastically) be patient! Listen! Find shit out, and all that shit that Dairon said. And then I take off running as well.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Can I, (laughing) can I do some parkour shit and see if I can vault off this and vault off this and make a go?

MATT: Make an acrobatics check, hand me the mini.

LAURA: You're going in? What if there's like ten of them in there?

MATT: Hand me the mini, please?

TRAVIS: That's more of us to kill.

MATT: That'd be five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30 to try and vault up there. Roll an acrobatics check for me, if you don't mind.

MARISHA: Roll for acrobatics?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: 14.

MATT: 14? You will get up to the top, but it'll cost you three, 15 feet of movement to do so. You dart off the rock, up the side, and you climb up, so at speed, you're now at 35 feet at top there. Your full speed is what, 45? You have ten more feet to move.

MARISHA: Ew, shit.

SAM: You can't hit them.

TALIESIN: But you have ranged now.

LAURA: Can you run along the top of the wall?

MARISHA: Oh yeah. That's cool! Yeah, I'll do that! I'll do what Laura said, I'm going to run along and try and go here, split the difference, and do Patient Defense. This is stupid as fuck.

SAM: Balancing on a beam?

LIAM: That's so fucking cool.

MARISHA: Yeah, I got like the crane pose going on. My foot's wedged in between the posts.

MATT: Okay. As you're standing there, toe on toe on top, getting ready, you use your ki point to do Patient Defense as a bonus action, correct?

MARISHA: Oh yeah.

MATT: You also glance forward and notice the third giant that is in the back. Seems slightly smaller than the other two and is currently holding a staff in their arms that is covered in knotted furs and bone trinkets that are dangling from it from different threads of leather.

MARISHA: I go: Oh, there's a third! To the rest of the group.

MATT: That ends Beau's turn. Yes?

LAURA: Are giants considered humanoid?

MATT: They are considered giants.

TRAVIS: That's a no.

LAURA: But they look like humans, only big?

MATT: Correct, but they are considered giants. Sorry.

LAURA: I was just checking.

SAM: Question. From my perspective, since I'm three feet tall, have I ever seen the giants?

MATT: Actually, you've seen them when they've come up to the edge to see Yasha, and when they throw the boulders, because they're leaning over to chuck them. You have seen them, yes.

SAM: Right now, I'm like?

MATT: Right now you're like, they're somewhere.

SAM: I am behind a wall.

MATT: Yeah. You see Beau jump up there and go, uh?

SAM: Okay, cool.

TRAVIS: Can I use my 30 feet of movement to continue my path towards the wall? I'm over here.

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: Looks like that's 25.

MATT: 25.

TRAVIS: I will use my bonus action, Misty Step, to bamf up 40 feet above. Actually, just to the top of the fence, so that I have visual range on-- Let's go right up here.

MATT: Here? Okay.

TRAVIS: I'd like to be within 30 feet of both of them.

MATT: You've got it. This'll be a trick I learned from Brennan.

TRAVIS: Now I have a question for you, Mr. Mercer.

MATT: Yes?

TRAVIS: Because none of us have attacked them yet, are we considered, are we fighting them?

MATT: You have initiated combat, they are aware there is a threat, and you guys are coming at them in a threatening manner, so this would be considered combat.

TRAVIS: YOLO, I will cast Charm Monster at 5th-level and target both of them.

SAM: Charm Monster, to both of them?

TRAVIS: Yeah, which is a wisdom saving throw of 17 and lasts for an hour. But they get advantage because we're fighting them.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I was thinking about doing it before we were fighting them, but shit happened.

MATT: The first one rolled a natural one, and a 14. This one does not succeed.

ASHLEY: No way!

MATT: This one--

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

MATT: Neither of them succeed.

(cheering)

TRAVIS: Fjord is the house!

TALIESIN: Fjord, you made friends!

TRAVIS: I did spells real good!

TALIESIN: Oh my god.

MATT: As you leap up on top, with your falchion to one side, you reach your hand out and you watch this sickly green energy gather and then spiral out towards both of them. It wraps into their eyes and their ears and inside their mouth and nose, and they inhale the energy. (inhales deeply) As they do, their physical demeanor goes from defensive to dropped to just confused.

TRAVIS: Hey boys, what do you say we play real nice? And they just chill.

MATT: Yeah, they both put down their aggressiveness towards you, but they still look towards Beau. Like, they're not aggressive towards you right now.

TRAVIS: Okay. Friendly to me, right. Shit, okay, cool. Never done that before!

MATT: Okay, that finished your turn, Fjord?

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: Yasha, what are you doing?

ASHLEY: Okay, so--

MARISHA: Those two?

(excited exclaiming)

MATT: That was awesome.

SAM: Wait, they can still fight, but just not against Fjord? How does this work?

MATT: They treat Fjord as a valued ally.

TRAVIS: For an hour.

MATT: Which means you can give directions to them, as an ally, when it comes around to it. They'll probably listen to you to a certain degree, unless it goes against their better judgment and person sense of self preservation.

TRAVIS: Right, their moral code.

SAM: If they speak Common.

MATT: Which you'll find out soon.

LIAM: Yee-haw.

SAM: Shit.

LIAM: Welcome to the Yee-Haw Game Ranch.

(laughter) (applause)

TRAVIS: Beware the rift!

MATT: Yasha?

ASHLEY: Okay, all right. I'm going to make my movement and try to get to the inside top of the fence, like where the little lip is?

MATT: Right, ten, 15, straight towards it, 20. Go ahead and make an athletics or acrobatics check, athletics to try and climb up the side. And jump.

ASHLEY: 19?

MATT: 19, yeah. You you leap, make most of the way, and then clamber up the rest of the distance.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Drawing Magician's Judge as you do so, getting up onto the top.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: With that movement there, you have five more feet. You could hop down, because there is a walkway on the other side of the fence.

ASHLEY: Yes, I'll hop down to the walkway.

MATT: All right. That's your movement.

ASHLEY: I-- I would like to rage.

TRAVIS: (roaring)

MATT: Yeah, bonus action rage, you got it.

ASHLEY: Then, as an action, can I drink this healing potion?

MATT: If you'd like to.

SAM: Oh, because you got hit!

ASHLEY: I got hit. I forgot until right now.

MATT: Yeah, you can go ahead.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TRAVIS: Charm Monster is not concentration.

MATT: Correct. I thought you were saying it was concentration.

TRAVIS: Oh no, sorry. No, I was saying to Beau.

MATT: Gotcha.

TRAVIS: Because she fell off the fence.

MATT: Yeah, you're good. Yasha, is that your turn?

ASHLEY: That's my turn.

MATT: Your potion is spent?

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: You got it.

SAM: Aww, that's sort of nice, though.

ASHLEY: It's really nice.

MATT: You can buy more.

ASHLEY: That's better, it's better, it's better.

MATT: Okay, that finishes Yasha's. We're up to Caduceus. It's your turn.

TALIESIN: Oh boy, I don't understand anything that's going on. That all happened real quick. I guess I'm going to make my way to behind the fence. I'm going to run up to the fence and try and get cover there.

MATT: 20, 25, 30. Okay, you do not have a visual on anything beyond that fence. So it's too high for you to see them.

TALIESIN: I can see Beau and I can see, is that Yasha?

MATT: You can barely see the top of Yasha. Maybe like three inches of the top of her head. She is within visual range.

TALIESIN: I have Beau and Yasha. Okay, just to make sure that things are good-- Oh, and can I see Fjord, too?

MATT: Yeah, you all can see Fjord.

TALIESIN: I'm going to do a quick Bless on the three of them, just so everything's all--

MATT: Sure, go for it. All right.

TALIESIN: Let's cast Bless. That means that you guys now have, you guys add a d4 to your attack rolls and saving throws.

ASHLEY: Hell yeah.

TRAVIS: Sweet.

MATT: All righty. That ends your turn, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: I, yeah, I think that's everything.

TRAVIS: Attacks and savings throws?

TALIESIN: Yeah, attacks and saving throws.

MATT: The giant in the back takes their turn. You can see now at a better visual range, this one appears to be a female giant, female stone giant, steps forward and starts shouting. Does anybody here speak Giant?

SAM: Looking.

MARISHA: No.

TALIESIN: I do!

MATT: You do?

TALIESIN: I do.

MATT: Yes, you do.

MARISHA: Yay!

MATT: You hear, you guys, the rest of you hear, "(speaking Giant)" You hear the translation of them saying, "The two of you, protect us, knock them back."

LAURA: Wow, they sound smart.

TRAVIS: "The two of you protect us."

MATT: Just going to--let's see here.

TALIESIN: Oh god, they're going to try and hit us, okay.

MATT: The one back there, looking up into the open sky above, the clouds already there, is going to--actually no. It's not going to do that. Instead, is going to cast Disrupting Earth.

TRAVIS: Cast what?

MARISHA: Disrupting Earth. That's some like druid shit, I think.

TALIESIN: You're a mountain.

ASHLEY: I'm a mountain, that's right.

MATT: So... Looking--

LAURA: Your spells are even bigger?

MATT: No, there's not enough people on the ground. So instead... is going to cast Hold Person. At a 3rd-level. She'll use a 3rd-level slot.

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: I will need both Fjord and Yasha, both of you guys to make wisdom saving throws, please.

TALIESIN: With a d4.

MATT: With an additional d4 added to it, because you just got blessed.

TRAVIS: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Ew. Ugh, 11.

MATT: That's a failure.

ASHLEY: But-- Do I add four?

TALIESIN: Add your d4.

SAM: You can't give instructions to the giants now.

MATT: That's true, actually.

ASHLEY: So it's 18, right, then minus one? 18.

MATT: 18, you succeed. Fjord, as they both turn, you go, "All right (groans)," and your lungs lock up, you can barely breathe. All of your focus is going toward just making your lungs expand and contract to bring air in.

TRAVIS: Please tell me I'm on a balanced position before I lock up and I'm not just slowly...

MATT: Yes, because you were kind of straddling the peak of it--

TRAVIS: I was trying real hard!

MATT: --to keep balance so yeah you're still locked in place. It's a little precarious. If a heavy wind were to blow, we'd have to start rolling, but so far it's a little still in the sky. You however, do resist it, the rage in your mind managing you to shrug it off without issue. I mean, all you're still seeing is the red filter over everything in front of you. With that, the giant's gonna go ahead and move over this way. Actually be about there, 40 feet. And it's starting to just move away from the rest of them. Ending it's turn. Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: Okay, well I do not know what happened to them, so I am going to continue with my plan, which is to march straight towards the door. Five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. On the way, I am pulling out the flower from a catmint plant and crushing it in my hand, and muttering to myself, and for a split second there is a vision of a curled Frumpkin hovering in the air, and it explodes out into a gigantic cat's claw that is orange-ish brown burnt umber. That claw is going to rend the shit out of the gates and try to open it.

MATT: Okay, what spell is this? This is?

LIAM: Cat's Ire. We discussed.

MATT: Oh, right! Yes, yes indeed.

TALIESIN: "Cat's Ire we discussed."

SAM: Is that a real spell? Are we off the map? Are we off the grid? What's going on?

TRAVIS: It's D-I-S-G, Beavis.

MATT: So, this? (a mini)

LIAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: Meow!

MATT: So, go ahead and roll for an attack on the door.

LIAM: I rolled a 19.

MATT: Yeah, that hits. Go ahead and roll full damage.

LIAM: (repeatedly) Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SAM: The cat's claw is made out of dirt?

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

SAM: That's a dirty pussy.

MATT: Sam.

SAM: Sorry.

TALIESIN: That was so good.

LIAM: 23.

MATT: 23 points of damage? All right, the door splinters. It actually breaks inward. From what you can tell, one, there is a slat held in place that is partially cracked, and from that little gap you can see, there is actually a pile of stones that have been pressed up against the door. Which means, one more round, you could probably break through, but this is reinforced specifically to hold back quite a bit of damage.

LIAM: That is the end of my turn.

MATT: All right, that ends Caleb's go. Jester, you're up.

LAURA: Okay. I'm going to turn to Nott, and I'm going to say: Do you trust me?

SAM: Fluffernutter.

LAURA: I'm going to cast Dimension Door and bring us up to the top of this, inside.

MATT: Inside, okay. Up in the very, very top? Or in the middle place?

LAURA: In the very, very top.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: Does that come with Aladdin fuck me eyes?

MATT: Go ahead and hand me your mini, if you don't mind.

LAURA: Do you trust me? ♪ I can open your eyes ♪

MATT: You guys are currently up now. Inside this floor up here, you can see there is a--

LAURA: There are windows, right? Little slits?

MATT: Yeah, little slits you can see through. There is a ladder that leads down into the lower regions of this tower. So that's your Dimension Door. It's your action. You haven't moved, if you had movement at all you wanted to use, or a bonus action.

LAURA: I'm going to go up and look through the window.

MATT: You're surveying, you have a very clear view of this, and you see the rest of the layout, too. This is a large field and there's blacksmithies, there's partially built machines that are in ruins. It looks like they've been pulled apart and big plates of metal have been yanked off. You get a better look at the giants, too. They have pieces of metal affixed to them that are like tied on a rope, haphazard armor. Yeah, it looks like they're pulling whatever scraps in the area and are starting to find ways to better defend themselves. Then behind it, there's another fence quite a way back where you can see the actual mining camp begins, but that's quite a ways this way. All you can see right now-- Actually, make a perception check for me, glancing over there.

LIAM: So much fun.

TALIESIN: Hey!

LAURA: Natural 20.

(cheering)

ASHLEY: Awesome!

MATT: These are large creatures, huge technically, when you consider the size dynamic. These are the only three you see in the camp currently.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: Uh-oh, I don't like the word currently.

LAURA: Currently, is Nott tall enough to see through the slits?

MATT: Nott could probably use a little boost.

LAURA: Okay, then for my bonus action, I'm going to boost Nott up.

MATT: Okay.

(giggling)

MATT: Your feet are dangling off the ground as Jester's swole arm grabs you by the scruff of the cloak and lifts you up to see.

LAURA: No, I've got my arms around her waist.

(laughter)

MATT: Perfect, all right that finishes Jester's go. Nott and the giants are going simultaneously. Nott, you have a higher dexterity than they do, so I'm letting you act first.

SAM: I'm shooting at the important one in back, I will fire my crossbow bolt.

MATT: Okay, you have advantage. It does not know you're there.

SAM: I assumed so. Advantage to hit?

MATT: To hit, yes.

SAM: That's cocked.

MARISHA: I didn't know if it was like a Tony Stark arc reactor sitch--

SAM: Okay. That's a 26 to hit.

MATT: 26 definitely hits, yeah.

TALIESIN: Fierce.

SAM: Sneak attack damage! Okay.

TRAVIS: I like how he picks them all up together. Like a dealer in Vegas.

SAM: 26 points of damage. I'll add onto that, Fury of the Small. That's an extra--are we level nine now?

MATT: Yes.

SAM: Extra nine points.

ALL: (wooing)

SAM: 35 points.

MATT: Concentration check. No, fail.

TALIESIN: Hey!

SAM: Yay!

LAURA: Yay!

TALIESIN: You're back!

MATT: You regain control.

TRAVIS: Yes, back baby.

MATT: As the bolt strikes, you watch as the giant (sputters) grabs the chest, looks up in the direction where it came from, and barely sees where you both are inside. However the look is intense, then fear. You can see the eyes looking to the other giants, and there's a sense of desperation kicking in.

SAM: Oh.

MARISHA: Are they afraid of goblins or something?

MATT: That's worrying. That finishes your turn, Nott? Are you going to move?

SAM: Bonus action, let's try her again. Not as good, 19.

MATT: Still hits.

TRAVIS: Woo!

MATT: They're big. For giants, they're lithe. Their bodies are muscular, but they're thin and elongated. They're still pretty big, pretty easy to hit.

SAM: Another 11 points of damage.

LAURA: Do they look thin like emaciated, or do they look like--?

MATT: Compared to what you're used to knowing about giants. You have fought a hill giant before, and they were just meaty. These things, they seem to be like slender and elongated in their features.

SAM: With my movement, can I-- there was a ladder in there, right?

MATT: Correct.

SAM: Can I just go down a little bit and see what's in the bottom floor?

MATT: Sure.

SAM: Then come back up?

MATT: Yeah, so peeking within. You can see another chamber with a trap door on the inside that seems to go further down into a third floor inside.

SAM: No one's in there?

MATT: No one's in there.

SAM: Okay, cool. And back up to Jester.

MATT: All right, there you go. And there's Jesters placement right there.

SAM: So if they're scared, they're doing this out of desperation.

MATT: That finishes your turn. These two giants now, this one's going to walk up--

MARISHA: Or they're afraid of goblins.

MATT: And this one's going to walk up there, pushing through, and one of them's going to-- because they do have a reach of 15 feet with their clubs.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

ASHLEY: Oh boy.

MATT: First one's going to go against-- they both get two attacks. One against Beau and one against Yasha. The first one against Beau has disadvantage. Which is great, because the first roll is a natural 20. Second one is an 18 to hit.

MARISHA: Miss.

MATT: Misses.

SAM: What?

ASHLEY: Ooh.

MARISHA: I jump and switch feet.

MATT: Yes, and as you leap in the air. Where, I'm considering one strike, the two attacks are one strike as it takes one giant baseball bat swing against you. You jump out of the way and the full might goes toward Yasha. Yasha, that is going to be 21 to hit.

ASHLEY: Uh huh.

TRAVIS: This is like one of those obstacle course videos. First kid gets out of the way, second one's like, "Hi mom!"

(impact)

MATT: Exactly. (laughter)

LAURA: Wipe out.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

ASHLEY: When it gets hit in their stomach, and then they cartwheel into the water.

TRAVIS: They make that great noise.(honks)

MATT: 26 points of bludgeoning damage. Reduced to 13, because you are raging.

ASHLEY: Yes, okay.

MATT: It cracks you on the side, but you hold fast and shrug it off as it withdraws the club. You see it angrily looking, it's now facing you, you can see the eyes themselves kind of white with pupils in there, a very intense and heavy breathing. It is bearing down. The other one is taking two swings at you because you're the one that-- Wait, no, it can't take that because it's charmed. It looks at you and gives a nod.

TRAVIS: High five, bro.

MATT: High fives you and pushes you off the side.

TRAVIS: No! (laughter)

MATT: Instead he's going to move in, step over the side, and it goes twice for Yasha because it's not going to attack you because you charmed it. First attack, well that's actually, that's a 12.

ASHLEY: Okay, that doesn't hit. That doesn't hit.

MATT: Does not hit. Yeah it was a three plus nine. Other attack against you, that is a 22 though.

ASHLEY: That hits.

MATT: All right, so the next strike, 20 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to ten.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: So it slams down, the wood splinters. As you dodge out of the way of the first one, it breaks up part of the flooring, and you're having to back up and find a way to keep yourself standing with all that splintered wood jagged up in your direction. As you look up, the second one boom, hits you in the shoulder and you shoulder the majority of the damage and you feel it crack in the back of your shoulder blade, but you lift up with the sword and (grunts) push it off. That ends both of those giants' turn. Top of the round, Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: All right, I'm going to do a sick leap down, gonna come over here. If I'm on this wagon wheel, am I within range?

MATT: Yes, you are within melee range.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: Is she spinning around?

MATT: The wheel is like, (squeaks) it is shifting slightly.

MARISHA: I kick off and I use that momentum to do a my cool spinning roundhouse with the wheel. Like those spinning stripper poles, you know?

(laughter)

TRAVIS: "You know?"

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: You straight up Tatsumaki Senpuukyaku'ed these guys. All right, that's awesome.

MARISHA: Yeah, whatever you just said.

MATT: Street Fighter, it's Hurricane Kick. I'm a Street Fighter nerd, you know this.

MARISHA: I'll take that. 16, plus three, plus six, 25.

MATT: That definitely hits. These guys are undamaged currently.

MARISHA: Oh wait, I said I used my foot. Ew, gross.

LIAM: Such a great visual.

MARISHA: Oh, wait no. I always do that, I accidentally--That would have actually been 30 to hit. Seven point of damage.

MATT: Still hits even more. It hit that much harder. Seven points of damage.

SAM: Super hit!

MATT: You got it.

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

MATT: Oh, gotcha. That is going to be 19. 14 plus 5.

MARISHA: Fuck.

MATT: So it resists the stun.

LAURA: Dammit.

MARISHA: Again again. This time, I'm gonna take my staff and while the wheel is slowly– I lose a little momentum and I just turn a little bit and then crack the staff.

MATT: Go for it. Roll for an attack. Add your d4.

MARISHA: Oh right. That's 22 plus four.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage on the second one.

MARISHA: Big stick.

MATT: And Fjord and Yasha, you guys are on deck.

MARISHA: Goddamn it, fuck. Eight damage.

MATT: Eight points of damage.

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: You can do that again?

MATT: Natural one.

MARISHA: Stunned!

MATT: It is stunned.

MARISHA: I can do it as many times as I want as long as I hit.

MATT: It just costs a ki point every time she does it.

LIAM: Until she's out of quarters.

MATT: Essentially. That one, as you turn with the staff, you go right for the throat and you hit where its Adam's apple is and (clicks tongue) (wheezes) and it drops the club for a second, it grabs its throat, and it's like (coughing). So it's stunned.

LIAM: Ooh, I feel it.

MARISHA: Flurry of Blows, pop pop.

MATT: The same one?

MARISHA: Yep.

MATT: All right. Advantage on both attacks because it's stunned. Go for it. With your d4.

MARISHA: That is the same as before. 26 with one.

MATT: Hits.

MARISHA: Then the other is 17 plus three, so 20.

MATT: Did you roll advantage for each?

MARISHA: No, I rolled for both of them.

MATT: All right, both attacks have advantage.

MARISHA: Oh.

MATT: Because you stunned it.

MARISHA: Oh! That's better, so one would be like 26--

MATT: Just saying, it's an additional chance for a crit--

MARISHA: For a crit, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hit!

MATT: Yeah, all right. Damage on both your rolls. Go for it.

MARISHA: All right, that's something. So 12 plus three, 15, plus another four, 19. Extract Aspects.

MATT: All righty. You learn they are-- so they have no condition immunities, they have no resistances, they have no vulnerabilities. So it's good to (hiccups) pardon, good to know.

MARISHA: No resistances.

LAURA: They've got no vulnerabilities, either?

MATT: No vulnerabilities, no resistances, and are not immune to any condition effects, either, which is good.

MARISHA: They are not immune?

SAM: They can be stunned, paralyzed, poisoned--

MARISHA: Poisoned, okay.

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Your basic.

MARISHA: Your basic. No resistance, no immunities, no vulnerabilities.

MATT: Correct.

SAM: (to Laura, side conversation) You're going to be at Liam's funeral someday--(rolls eyes) "He was overpowered."

LAURA: (side conversation) Fucking boots.

(laughter)

MARISHA: That's my turn.

MATT: All right, that finishes your go. Yasha, Fjord, what are you guys doing?

TRAVIS: I look at the giants and I say: My wise and handsome friends. These fine folks are our allies and here to help. When you are able, please make your way to the right side of this here camp and take a load off, take a seat, and the danger will pass.

SAM: Uh-huh.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Thank you, Preacher Man.

MATT: Both of them look up at you and, one of them's going (coughing).

TRAVIS: I mean they'll attack if provoked, but they're our friends.

MATT: They--

LIAM: What can I tell ya?

MATT: Make a persuasion check with disadvantage.

TRAVIS: Disadvantage, New York City?

MARISHA: Is it because I just punched him in the face? I feel real bad.

TRAVIS: Nine.

LAURA: He doesn't speak Giant.

MATT: Nine. They're not backing away, but they are confused. They do not seem to understand the words you are saying.

LAURA: Oh.

SAM: Oh no.

TRAVIS: Oh, shit! Right.

MATT: They are certainly avoiding you.

TRAVIS: Mm hm, mm hm, mm hm. I will use my movement to come to the edge of this roof, and I will hop down in between them.

MATT: Like down this way?

TRAVIS: Yeah, down to where Beau is, so I'm right next to Beau if there's any purchase.

MATT: Right there?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: All right, cool. We'll put you down right there.

LAURA: That's really cool.

TALIESIN: So cool.

MATT: You leap down, ankles (cracking) a little bit, but you're like, "I'm fine." You look up and now the shadow of the looming giants is staring down at you.

TRAVIS: All they heard is, Blah blah blah blah blah.

MATT: (muffled trombone sounds)

TRAVIS: Cool, that's my turn.

MATT: You have their attention.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: But they don't understand what you're saying.

TRAVIS: Right. Because that's my action to say all that, right?

MATT: I would say--

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: If you can include it as, it's short enough, or you can include it with an action if you had one.

TRAVIS: It was not short.

MATT: It was pretty lengthy. Yeah, we'll go ahead. That ends your go. Yasha?

ASHLEY: Okay. I'm going to try and take a stabby at the one closest to me. I can't see over the towers, so. Can I reach?

MATT: You cannot reach. You'd have to move to get to them.

ASHLEY: Okay, you know what I'm going to do?

MATT: You can move next to where Beau is on the other wheel.

ASHLEY: Sure, yeah. I'll do that.

MATT: You are both slowly spinning on these wheels.

LAURA: Yeah, that's awesome.

MATT: Just like (squeaks).

(laughter)

ASHLEY: It's like in Thor Ragnarok, Hold on, hold on.

MARISHA: Wait, wait, wait.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Okay, so I'm going to attack with my Magician's Judge.

MATT: All right, you have advantage on these strikes because it is currently stunned.

TALIESIN: You get a d4 added to them, as well.

MATT: Correct.

ASHLEY: Okay, so it would be--

MATT: Because you're hashtag blessed.

ASHLEY: Okay, so I take the 15.

TALIESIN: And then, yeah.

ASHLEY: Plus?

TALIESIN: Plus, also plus the d4.

MATT: Caduceus you're on deck, by the way.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I, yeah. Hm.

ASHLEY: 25.

MATT: That hits.

ASHLEY: Okay, so, oh boy. Where's my all my things? Okay, so plus Divine Fury?

MATT: Correct, you get 3d6.

ASHLEY: Oh boy. Five, six, seven, eight.

TRAVIS: I should have told them to listen to you.

TALIESIN: You don't know I speak Giant. Well, I did make a comment, but you're not listening.

TRAVIS: Oh, you had to talk, right?

TALIESIN: Well, they said something and I commented on what they were doing, but that's as far as--

ASHLEY: 16 points of damage.

MATT: 16 points of damage, nice! All right, so as you land on the wheel, you swing, carving right through part of its shoulder and it (groaning) it bends with the damage and you (squeaking), oh shit, you go for a second strike as you spin around, if you're ready to do the next attack.

ASHLEY: Yep.

MATT: Roll to see if you do hit first.

ASHLEY: Say again? Oh, sorry, sorry.

MATT: You'll probably hit, because you have advantage.

ASHLEY: Oh, that's cocked. Okay, well natural 20.

MATT: Oh, well okay, you have Brutal Critical, so you get to roll an additional die because you're level nine.

LAURA: Yes!

LIAM: Barbarian.

ASHLEY: Oh, I hate these. Okay, hold on. Wait, I have, I have. Once per turn, when you roll damage from a melee weapon attack, you can reroll the weapon's damage dice and use either total. Okay, I'm using Savage Attack, so I'm going to re-roll these.

MATT: You got it.

ASHLEY: I can use the other two. I brought some of these other dice.

TRAVIS: Nice job.

MATT: That's right, you took that feat.

ASHLEY: Yep, yep, yep.

MATT: Nice.

ASHLEY: See if things roll better. Getting back in it.

LIAM: Never going to give you up.

TALIESIN: Ooh!

ASHLEY: That's better.

TALIESIN: That's way better.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TALIESIN: So it's 3d6.

ASHLEY: 12.

MATT: Next the Brutal Critical. Well, you double two of the dice, and then you add the additional third. Because it's a critical hit.

ASHLEY: Oh, so. I rolled a 12 total--wait, double two of the dice?

MATT: Yes, because the third is what you add onto it at the end.

ASHLEY: Okay, so I should roll it again.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

TALIESIN: There you go.

ASHLEY: Fine. Nine, so 18. Plus four, so that's--?

MATT: 22.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: Woo, 38 points of damage in one round. Nice.

TRAVIS: Woo!

MATT: Momentum from that wheel was enough, so you swing wide the second time. The blade actually stops because it cuts into the side of its chest. And (grunts) lunges in a bit, and you can see the side of its tunic made of like patched together leather starting to grow thick with its own blood. It's like, (gurgling) you can see it's starting to regain itself a little bit and its eyes flicker back towards you, anger and fury in its face. That finishes your turn?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: All right, Caduceus, you're up.

ASHLEY: (sighs)

TALIESIN: Hm, okay. Let's see, I'm going to see if I can back up a little bit and see the head of this one that's a little out of it, if I step back a little bit. Can I see the one that everyone seems to be beating off of?

MATT: If you step back a little bit? Yes. You can see the top of both of their heads right now.

TALIESIN: I'm going to call out, if I can, if you surrender we can settle this amicably, in Giant.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Then I'm going to hit it with a quick Sacred Flame.

MARISHA: Amicably.

TALIESIN: I'm going to pop a Sacred Flame at the giant.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Is that okay?

MATT: Which one? The one on the left or the one on the right?

TALIESIN: The one that everyone's beating on.

MATT: Okay, then go for it.

TALIESIN: It's a dex save.

MATT: Dex save. It's stunned so it automatically fails it? Yes.

TALIESIN: Oh, wow.

MATT: So just roll damage.

TALIESIN: That's nice. I mean I say that, this feels mean, but here we are. That's 14. That's 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 points of damage.

MATT: 19 points of damage from a Sacred Flame, nice.

TALIESIN: I've got that thing where I get the plus five. It's crazy, crazy town banana pants. Then I'm going to use the rest of my movement to--let's see I've got five, ten, 15--

MATT: Make persuasion check with disadvantage.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's fair.

MATT: Because you did attack it while you were shouting this.

TALIESIN: I did, I did. That's fair. Persuasion with disadvantage. Well, that ain't bad, 16.

MATT: 16, okay.

TALIESIN: I, you know, my attempt at reasonable surrender. Then I'm going to... I'm going to move about where--yeah. Five, ten, 15. I'm going to move right over there by that little stone pile against the wood.

MATT: Here?

TALIESIN: Yeah, like right there.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: That's where I'm going to try and hide from the next thing that happens.

MATT: Okay, you've got it. That finishes you up, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: All right. It is now this giant's turn. Watching one of its companions being bludgeoned and cut, hearing you shout across the way, its eyes are going wild and it shouts out in retort to you, what the rest of you hear is more giant guttural noises being shouted. You hear a translation that says, "No, you attack us! We're defending. Come in and you die."

MARISHA: All right.

TALIESIN: He ain't wrong.

MATT: Make an insight check.

TALIESIN: Oh, all right. Wow, that's a 27.

LAURA: Maybe they're just nice.

LIAM: What Caduceus is for.

TRAVIS: Whisper! First whisper of the night.

SAM: This whisper brought to you by Dwarven Forge.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, also.

LAURA: Maybe.

MARISHA: They look hungry.

LIAM: I feel like with Caduceus' wisdom, we should have a pair of soup cans that go from Matt to Taliesin.

SAM: Dwarven Forge has a 406 page .pdf--

TALIESIN: I can't respond until my turn?

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: Okay, that's fair.

MATT: As it says that, it take its staff and slams it into the ground. There's a rumble and, from over there, suddenly the ground around this portion of the wall and the gate explodes. Sharp shards of earth and rock, go punching out of it from all different directions. Yasha, Beau, Fjord, I need you guys, actually, it's a 20 foot cube?

MARISHA: Are we still Blessed?

MATT: That would be--you're still Blessed. That would be Caduceus, as well. I need you guys to all make dexterity saving throws, please.

TRAVIS: Okay.

TALIESIN: You have a d4 to add to that save.

MATT: You do.

LIAM: Is the door surviving this?

MATT: The door is.

TRAVIS: This sucks.

MARISHA: Oh ho, ho, ho yes. Honey!

TALIESIN: Oh, all right, all right.

MATT: This here is torn asunder.

TRAVIS: Oh, really?

MATT: This part of the wall is blown apart. It is rubble and ruin on that side there. What'd you get?

MARISHA: 30.

MATT: Oh, shit!

ASHLEY: Damn.

TRAVIS: What?

MATT: Shit!

MARISHA: I rolled a 19, plus eight, plus that d4.

MATT: That'll do it, yeah. All right.

ASHLEY: 21.

MATT: Nice.

TALIESIN: 13.

MATT: 13, fail.

TRAVIS: 16.

MATT: 16, all right. Everyone but Caduceus succeeded. On that, Caduceus you take... Ooh, that is 28 points of bludgeoning damage. Everyone else takes 14.

LAURA: Poor Caduceus.

TALIESIN: 28 points of bludgeoning damage.

MARISHA: I still take 14?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: What's the concentration check on that?

MATT: This whole space here-- by the way, this is obliterated. Everything you guys were standing on is destroyed.

TRAVIS: Whoa!

MATT: All this is gone. This whole space is considered rough terrain. As you land in the middle of this giant area, and rock shards everywhere.

TRAVIS: Cool.

TALIESIN: I've got to roll a concentration check really quickly. For 28 points.

MATT: Actually, technically, Caduceus? Looking at it now where you guys were placed, you would be out of the cube.

TALIESIN: Oh well, that's nice, never mind.

MATT: Actually you take no damage. I'm looking at that now.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: You're welcome. Yeah. Because it knew where the three of you were, I thought you were within the vicinity, but looking at this, no. You just step out of the way as the stone misses the front of your face.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay!

MATT: The rock crumbles into this giant pile and it's jagged stone everywhere in that space. Okay.

TALIESIN: Wow.

MATT: As that happens, this figure's going to move back over to here and is reaching down for a boulder on the ground. That finishes its go. Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: Okay, so the wall just erupted next to me and that all looks like hell, so I am going to--you described a crack opening in the doorway, so the giant cat's claw is going to reach into there and try to rip the door away.

MATT: Okay, go for it. Roll for damage on that. Roll for attack and damage.

LIAM: Attack and damage, yeah.

LAURA: There's no wall anymore. Why are you still trying to open the gate?

LIAM: I have reasons. Just an 11 on the door to hit.

MATT: Hey, it still hits; it's a door.

LIAM: Okay, that's what I was hoping.

TRAVIS: Not just hit it when it comes to doors.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Arch nemesis.

MATT: Doors have been a problem in the past.

LIAM: 20 force damage.

MATT: Okay, yeah. That will be enough. You watch as this gate and the boulders in the vicinity just explode out of the way, causing this area, also, to be considered rough terrain.

LIAM: Yeah. In that moment I quickly scan and size up the situation and I take full movement backwards while the claw starts to move towards the giant in the back.

MATT: All right, move 20 feet?

LIAM: And will go up--it can go 60 feet.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: It's going to go in an upward trajectory so it's floating maybe 20 or 30 feet in the air above this giant.

TALIESIN: Hey!

LIAM: Claws out.

MATT: You got it. And you're moving back this way?

LIAM: Yeah, straight back. So I can still see--

SAM: Can you punch with that thing?

LIAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Meow.

MARISHA: Meow.

MATT: All righty. That ends your turn, Caleb?

LIAM: Meow.

MATT: Jester, you're up.

LAURA: Okay. Well, I see the giant cat claw and I see the wall that exploded.

(laughter)

I'm going to reach through the little slit and go like la la la la, and I'm going to cast Polymorph on the big giant that's casting spells.

MATT: Okay!

ASHLEY: La la la la.

LAURA: La la.

MATT: That's a natural five.

LAURA: Yes!

MATT: I don't think-- it's a plus six on save?

LAURA: That doesn't hit 17.

MATT: No, it does not. What do you turn it into?

LAURA: I'm going to say: I hope you like the ocean! And I'm going to turn him into a killer whale.

MATT: Okay, I don't have a killer whale mini on me.

TRAVIS: (aghast) Why not?

MATT: I know.

LIAM: What a failure.

MATT: I'll consider the horse as the--

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Wow!

MATT: You (chuckles) watch as it's grabbing the rock. You see the giant cat claw coming towards it, and it's eyes darting around. (panting) It grabs its staff and you can see it beginning to cast another incantation through its fingers in the staff, and then (plopping) (grunting) Flopping around on the floor.

TRAVIS: That's a good killer whale sound. (whale sounds)

LAURA: When they're not underwater, it doesn't sound as majestic.

MATT: Not really.

LAURA: It's like (wet grunting)

MATT: All right. That's your action?

LAURA: That's my action; cast the spell. Then, I guess I'm going to turn my focus over to the other guys, and then I don't have any really bonus actions I can do.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Yeah, so I'm going to stay there.

MATT: That finished your turn, Jester. All right, Nott?

LIAM: I have a minor clarification?

MATT: Yes?

LAURA: I'll lift Nott up so that, I'm going to use my bonus to--

MATT: To lift--I'll allow it, okay.

LIAM: Minor clarification, I had meant for that cat's claw to be 15 or 20 feet higher in the sky.

MATT: Like that?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Sure.

LIAM: Thank you.

TRAVIS: Nice.

TALIESIN: We have ways.

MATT: There you go.

LIAM: Thank you.

MATT: No worries. All right, Nott?

SAM: Boy, so are we trying to kill these guys or what? Oh boy.

TRAVIS: Kind of an endless loop, because even if I say: Listen to Caduceus! It sounds like (speaking gibberish).

TALIESIN: They don't know my name.

LAURA: That's true.

SAM: Man. They've probably got a lot of hit points, too.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: Have we done some damage, looking out at these guys? These two?

MATT: This one's untouched.

SAM: Uh huh.

MATT: This one's taken a fair amount of damage. It's looking cut up and it's looking like it's taken some hits. The one back there has also taken a little bit of damage, but it now a giant whale.

SAM: Yeah, sure, sure. All right, I guess I'll target-- I don't know what to do. I guess I'll target the one that hasn't been touched yet.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And I will cast Phantasmal Force on it.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I will just rub a little bit of fleece and cast Phantasmal Force, and if it succeeds--let's find out. It has to make an intelligence save of 15.

MATT: No, it does not. That is a four.

TALIESIN: Where have these rolls been our whole lives, man? This is nice.

MATT: It's in your favor this game, apparently.

SAM: I'm going to say that, ah shit, that the club in its hand... No.

TRAVIS: (imitates Sam) No.

MATT: What are you doing?

SAM: What would make it run away? I don't know, the club in its hand it now perceives to be on fire and the fire is licking it, and actually that will cause some damage, too.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

SAM: The damage is, I think it's just 1d6, I think. Yes, it's six. Okay, three points of fire-- well, psychic damage.

MATT: Right, three points of psychic damage and it has to...?

SAM: That's it. It thinks that its club is on fire and hurting it.

MATT: Okay, good. Well, it's its turn. Yeah, on that note. It takes its club and goes, "Ah!" And throws the club to the ground. So it (thunking) hits. Its club is currently, it's not even touching it and it's sort of backing away. It looks over towards you and is kind of looking down at you and is like, what do I do? It spends its action throwing the club on the ground and freaking out and trying to figure out, what do you want?

TRAVIS: What do I do, dad?

SAM: Then I'm going to run down the steps. I'll shake free of Jester.

LAURA: Bah!

SAM: I'll run down the steps. Can I get all the way to the bottom floor?

MATT: There is a trap door. Do you want to open the trap door?

SAM: Yes, please.

MATT: Okay, open it. It's not locked. (squeaks) It opens up, there's another ladder and you leap down inside.

LIAM: Oh, so cool.

MATT: Now you are inside this chamber. The door is partially open. You can step out if you want to.

SAM: I will bonus action Dash down and out.

MATT: All right, you are now out on this battlefield. Do you want to, with your full movement there, at 35--

SAM: I don't want to be in the open. Just peeking around.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: That's it.

MATT: So if you want to be outside you can like dart down behind this--

SAM: That sounds good, too.

(mini clattering)

LAURA: Oh no!

TALIESIN: Jester!

LIAM: It's gone forever. Start the ritual.

TRAVIS: Yee-haw! Dance with the dead.

MATT: All right. That finishes your turn, Nott? Finishes the giant's go.

LAURA: It's crooked-y.

MATT: There you go.

TALIESIN: Things will settle as the earth moves. There we are.

MATT: Yeah, one of them is stunned, the other one threw its club to the ground. It's looking at Fjord, doesn't know what to do. It sees you guys are still there angrily attacking. It heard Caduceus yelling. It's generally confused, and it's seeing Caleb casting shit. (groaning) Yeah, no, it's succumbing to the illusion and it's going to slowly back away. As it does, both Fjord and... uh, Beau, no, Beau's a little too far away, unfortunately. No, you did land there. Beau, you can take an attack opportunity if you'd like.

MARISHA: I will not.

MATT: Okay, Fjord?

TRAVIS: I will not.

MATT: Okay, he's going to step back, then it turns and looks at the whale on the ground and he goes...

(laughter)

MATT: Very confused now.

LAURA: (groaning sounds)

MATT: The giant floating cat's claw. D&D, you guys. All right (giggles) that finishes their go. Top of the round. Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: I am going to hold my turn until Fjord talks to them one last time. If they look aggro, then I attack.

MATT: Okay, end of your turn, this guys is no longer stunned. He is hurt, holding his club he like (coughing) begins coughing.

MARISHA: I wait for Fjord and I go ("I'm watching you" signal) to him and I hold my action.

MATT: Okay, all right. What are you holding your action for?

MARISHA: I'm going to wait for Fjord to talk.

MATT: And if things go poorly?

MARISHA: And if things go poorly, then I go.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: Then I'll fuck him up.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Fjord, Yasha, it's your turn

TRAVIS: Yeah, I do my best stewardess impression, and I say: Ahem! Nuh uh uh. (clears throat loudly, waves one finger chastisingly, points to either side, and then down.)

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Come on, come on.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's going to work. 16!

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: I think.

MATT: All right, so both of them, looking at the whale and looking back at you.

TRAVIS: Oh, oh yeah.

SAM: Does Bless make--?

TALIESIN: Only for saves and attacks.

MATT: Only for saves, yeah. Not ability checks. Nice try, though. That one looks back and they both look at you and it's like, ooh, has the club and it's ready to bear down on Beau, the eyes meet, and then it looks at you. Looks back at the whale. (laughter) They look at each other. One takes its club and sets it there and sits down on the ground. The other one that doesn't have its club, looks a little frazzled and like, and sits, but eyes are still wide. The whale is (flopping).

TRAVIS: We got about 54 minutes left.

SAM: Well, I assume the whale will-- I assume the whale will lose its breath before that, well before that, and come back to life as a giant?

TRAVIS: It's a mammal.

MARISHA: They're mammals.

MATT: They breathe air.

SAM: They breathe air!

MARISHA: They're mammals!

SAM: Don't they need water to live or something? Huh, water is such a mysterious thing.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: We've got a solid hour.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay.

TALIESIN: We can conjure water if we need to.

MATT: So, Caduceus? Yasha, anything?

TALIESIN: I'm actually going to walk out into this.

MATT: Yeah well, Yasha, I think, was before you, actually.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'm going to-- oh, I already am on the ground.

MATT: Yes, you're standing on some of the rubble.

ASHLEY: Is this one's club anywhere close by?

MATT: Yeah, it's right in front of Fjord.

ASHLEY: Okay, so I'm going to grab it and make sure I keep it so it can't pick it back up, in case something happens.

MATT: Okay, the other giant goes like (grunts) and puts its hand up, because it watches you grab a burning club and carry it off.

ASHLEY: I just, you know, it's okay, it's okay.

MATT: It's impressed how you're withstanding this roaring inferno that you're clutching your arms, that is not actually there.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Okay, and are you moving?

ASHLEY: Yeah, because I don't--

MATT: Or are you just?

ASHLEY: Yeah, actually, I want to move a little bit closer this way like towards the bigger one, just in case if something. I mean, still close to the wall.

MATT: Okay, so like this way?

ASHLEY: Just in case of...

MATT: You got it.

ASHLEY: For a next up, if something happens.

MATT: Okay, that finishes your go? Caduceus.

TALIESIN: I'm going to try and walk out into this un-threateningly.

LIAM: That's awesome.

MATT: 25, 30.

TALIESIN: Perfect.

MATT: You'll get about there with your movement.

TALIESIN: Very quickly, going to do the-- Everybody give it a second, one second. In Giant, I'm going to put out there, "This seems very unnecessary. I get the sense that this is a misunderstanding and we would be happy to talk about whatever situation is going on here. Nothing bad has to happen here. This feels wrong."

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LIAM: Get it.

TALIESIN: (grumbling)

(Travis imitates Taliesin)

TALIESIN: Six?

ASHLEY: With advantages?

(Matt chuckling)

TALIESIN: No, no advantage.

ASHLEY: 'Cause he speaks it good?

MATT: They're listening. The moods haven't shifted necessarily.

TALIESIN: Who's in charge?

MATT: You say that?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Both of them sit and look over towards the whale.

(Sam chuckling)

TALIESIN: Do you mind sitting quietly for a little while while we figure this out?

MATT: One of them is confused, the other looks particularly freaked and is still staring straight at Yasha. From its perspective, is holding a pyre in her arms that should be burning her to ashes, and is just like--

TALIESIN: She's almost as scared of you as you are of her. I mean, almost.

MATT: All right. The rest of you guys-- Effectively, while you're holding Polymorph and there's nothing breaking it, combat at the moment has come to a halt.

LAURA: I'll come down out of the tower, then.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I'm going to go towards the other tower and keep an eye on the rest of the camp to see if any other giants walk our way.

TRAVIS: Cool.

MATT: Okay, so you're going to the other tower?

SAM: Not up it, just over there in that other corner of the volume.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I'm going to walk over to the whale and pet it. And say: I'm really sorry that it had to come to this. I'm really sorry.

MATT: Okay, the head moves towards you and like, from what you can see in the dark eye that protrudes from the side of the blubber, having never seen a whale before, you can't read its emotions.

LIAM: You seem like a really nice kind of--

MATT: Make a nature check.

LAURA: Oh, sweet.

TALIESIN: Oh yay.

TRAVIS: Ooh.

LIAM: Cat's Ire is gone by now, I would assume?

MARISHA: Wow, that had layers.

LAURA: Yeah, right?

MATT: It's probably been at this point as you guys are coming in and getting to the end of it.

LIAM: Things are slowing down.

LAURA: Nine!

MATT: Nine, okay. You have no idea what emotions the whale has. It's a whale, and it's flailing about.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: But you pet it. It can't assault you.

LAURA: I make sure I stay clear of its tail and fins and shit.

TRAVIS: All right, we've got about 50 some odd minutes. We should check the rest of the camp, see what's what, and then we've got to find a way to get these folks out of here.

TALIESIN: Well, I don't know. I feel like we're missing part of the situation. I feel like we're missing part of the story here. I'd really like to-- this seems weird, right? Like what are they doing?

SAM: Maybe ask them what they need?

LIAM: Caduceus, yeah, talk to them.

MARISHA: They don't look happy.

SAM: Why are they here?

MARISHA: While you do that, I'm going to scavenge.

TRAVIS: I'll stay with Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Fjord, can I borrow you for a second?

TRAVIS: Yeah, please, mm hm.

MARISHA: I look around, look over this busted cart, and start scavenging.

MATT: Okay, make an investigation check.

TRAVIS: I'll put my arm around Caduceus as he starts to e-e-elucidate.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I'm very tall.

MARISHA: I rolled a a natural 19, so 25.

MATT: 25, okay. Scavenging around the space here, there's a lot of things used to defend the outskirts of a fort. Plenty of bolts and arrows, and you can see resting in the corners longbows, short bows, heavy crossbows. The further in you get and look over in this space, you can see there's raw ingots of iron and copper, you can other buildings in here are smelters. The Steelworks here is designed to smelt down alloys into a steel and then craft weapons. You can see far off the machines that are partially constructed are impressive, though only partially made, and some of them have been pulled apart and elements of it scavenged by these giants, it looks like.

TRAVIS: Come on man, there are chests. This is a Red Dead Redemption--

MARISHA: I know, I'm like, what about these chests? What about that box over there? What about that red thing? That red thing looks important.

SAM: It's a smelting chest.

MATT: You go and open the box and you can see within there, there is raw ore that hasn't been smelted yet. Rough ore that's been carved and mined and brought here that is currently waiting to be next in that. You get the sense that this space isn't an open, middle-of-the-forest vault.

MARISHA: Right.

MATT: It is a Steelworks.

MARISHA: Talk to these assholes.

LIAM: While he's talking, I have moved closer, much closer to the whale, watching Jester pet the whale, and I am--in case this thing turns back into a giant, I am ready with some ideas.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: I am so sorry, what are your two names, if you don't mind?

MATT: The one that's closest to you goes, "I am Duin."

TALIESIN: Duin? Mister Duin, I work for Mister Fjord here and I help him deal with different-- (laughs) That threw me. Help him deal with certain issues that arise and we have a mission here today, but we feel that maybe a part of that mission could be helping you with, obviously-- What are you guys doing here? This is just weird. (laughter)

MATT: The giant, which even at your full height, and it's sitting, is still looking down at you at this point. "Soorna be the one with more information," and he points towards the whale, but goes, "We ran away from our home of the mountain. Something terrible is happening there and we came here because we needed a place to stay and our weapons weren't as effective against these things. So we came for metal, hoping it would help, but then the people in here fought as well, and well, they're gone now. And so we're going to stay here."

TALIESIN: Well, I relay all that to you.

TRAVIS: Yep.

TALIESIN: Well that's the trouble with people, is they may go for a time, but they come back and there's a lot more of them, so.

MATT: "Then let them come."

TALIESIN: Yeah, you're-- I don't know why, but Mister Fjord has definitely taken a shining to you two, and we feel like we want to help. We feel like this is not a good situation for anyone, and I feel like this could probably be resolved pretty reasonably in a positive way for everybody. Do you think your friend over there who is flopping, what is that again? That's some sort of--?

TRAVIS: I don't understand what you're saying to me.

(Sam laughing)

TALIESIN: What is, oh--what kind of animal is that?

LAURA: It's a whale!

TRAVIS: A whale.

LAURA: Caduceus, it's a whale.

TALIESIN: I don't how to say whale in Giant.

LAURA: Say like a big fish.

SAM: Yeah, big fish.

TALIESIN: That real big fish. (chuckling) You're welcome.

LIAM: Tatonka.

TALIESIN: Tatonka. Okay, thank you. Do you think you could help us keep him calm for a second while we discuss things?

MATT: "We can try. She's a bit wound up."

TALIESIN: What was her name one more time?

MATT: "Soorna."

TALIESIN: Soorna, Miss Soorna. All right, Mister Fjord-- I'm out of game, relaying all this information to you.

TRAVIS: Mm hm, mm hm.

TALIESIN: Do you think this is a good plan?

TRAVIS: Trust your heart, Caduceus. It's in a good place.

TALIESIN: I'm curious about what's in these mountains.

LAURA: Ask them what it is in the mountains.

TALIESIN: I don't think they really-- Do you have a name for what's in the mountains?

MATT: "I don't know. We were--we live in the small valley in the mountain we call Braan," which you recognize in Giant means "belly."

TALIESIN: Hm, all right.

MATT: "Khialo began to hear something, this terrible, low hum. Like wind through the trees, but it didn't stop."

TALIESIN: I'm relaying all this everybody.

MATT: "These things came out of the shadows with wings and long faces and we tried to swat them, but instead they all went after Khialo. Watched his life wither, and then more started coming, smaller. At feeling the strength draw from us, we were confused and scared, so we ran. Only Soorna went back and, when she returned, said never to go back. So here we are."

TRAVIS: Well, I would say that we could go aid them in a fight, but it doesn't sound like A) they would want to go back, and B) me neither. Maybe we just ask them to find a different place to hold up?

TALIESIN: Well, there's a lot of options here. There's definitely going and seeing what the commotion is about, because I don't like the sound of any of that.

LAURA: How big are the things that are attacking them?

TALIESIN: We may have to talk to the--

TRAVIS: The whale--

TALIESIN: Big fish.

TRAVIS: --is not charmed.

TALIESIN: That's fine.

TRAVIS: Nope, I dunno.

LAURA: But she's hearing everything that's going on, right?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: Eh...

TRAVIS: I wouldn't, nuh-uh.

MATT: The whale might be, you don't know.

TRAVIS: Nuh-uh, nuh-uh.

LAURA: Maybe?

TRAVIS: Nuh-uh!

LAURA: Maybe we don't do that just yet?

TALIESIN: Ah.

LAURA: Maybe if her friends told her that we were nice and stuff? She sees we're not attacking.

TRAVIS: Lion in a cage, much different than lion out of a cage.

TALIESIN: Ah, well, that is difficult. The other option, of course, is that we do convince them to leave and if we can do that, there's also more options for humiliation and a rebuttal of our friend back at the camp.

SAM: We can't convince them to leave without their friend. They're not going to leave without the whale, so we're going to have to bring the whale back at some point.

LAURA: Plus, there are more of them here. It's not like these are the only three.

ASHLEY: Ask them how many of them are there.

LAURA: Ooh yeah, that's a good question.

SAM: I think it's better to talk to the whale one when there's only three of them, not several.

LIAM: Yeah, Caduceus.

TRAVIS: How many friends do you have staying here right now, if you don't mind me asking?

MATT: "There's eight total. The rest are out on a hunting party."

TALIESIN: Well, okay.

LAURA: When will they be back?

MATT: "Anytime."

LAURA: Oh, shoot.

ASHLEY: I'm going to walk over and I'm going to very calmly to the two that are charmed, I'm going to move killer whale's staff to the side. Just for now.

LIAM: That would have schlurped in--

MATT: Yeah, the staff actually came into the form of the whale.

ASHLEY: It's inside of her, nevermind.

MATT: You look for it, you're like, I don't understand magic. Where'd the staff go?

ASHLEY: Where did her staff go?

TRAVIS: We don't like anyone being displaced from their home, and if they will have us, we will help them reclaim.

TALIESIN: I'm relaying this information.

MATT: They both look over at the whale and they're like, "We'd like to go home."

TALIESIN: Do you think you can help us make sure that she doesn't restart a conflict that is possibly more than the three of you can handle right now?

(Matt sighs)

MATT: They both look at each other and look at the whale, and you can see that she's definitely like of a higher hierarchy that both of them, and they go, "We can try."

LAURA: Is the whale still flopping around a lot, or is the whale calm?

MATT: The whale is calm.

TRAVIS: Also note, at the end of this hour, they know that I charmed them. We'd better hope that this is really landing somewhere genuine. Otherwise it's a rowdy time.

TALIESIN: Sure.

LIAM: Caduceus, based off of everything you have said, I feel like we could pick these three off and then be ready for the next. We seem to have outmatched these, but if we are to deal with their problem, can you ascertain if they are willing to back us up?

TALIESIN: That would be a conversation. I get the sense they don't want to be here.

LIAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I get the sense, also, that we can probably have a conversation about either finding something more permanent that isn't this, or figuring out what this thing is.

LIAM: Well, I'll tell you, altruism is nice, but it would be better with eight giants at our back.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

MARISHA: I mean, they're still members of the Xhorhasian community, right? Are we trying to help? I dunno.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we've seen giants walking around, right?

TALIESIN: I know I can be a little on the soft end of things in here, and I understand that that's not always the best decision. I'll leave it to the group. I think we can have that conversation, at least.

MARISHA: I think having an awesome community of giants as our allies could be super cool.

SAM: I think you're right. That's a good idea.

LIAM: That is a no brainer.

SAM: Let's do this.

TRAVIS: Yep.

TALIESIN: Flip the whale.

(giggling)

MARISHA: Flip the whale!

LAURA: Okay, maybe tell them straight up that you charmed them. Maybe let them know, just so that we can make it calmer so that we can tell them.

TRAVIS: Maybe we try to calm them down and also try talking to the whale.

TALIESIN: We have used a little but of magic to keep you from getting too angry too quickly at this conversation, but please understand that everything that we've attempted to explain is genuine.

TRAVIS: They both look over at Fjord and kind of-- "Good idea." (laughter)

TALIESIN: That's going to turn in a minute, but sure, all right. All right.

MATT: They both stand up. (rumbling) Walk over, (impact tremors) to the whale, and both confused, put their hand on the whale. Kind of lean into it. The whale's like (grunting), just done.

LAURA: What is the whale's name again?

SAM: Oh, Soorna?

LAURA: "Soona"?

LAURA: Soorna I'm going--

MATT: Soorna.

LAURA: "Soo--"?

MATT: S-O-O-R-N-A. Soorna.

LAURA: Soorna.

TALIESIN: Soorna.

LAURA: Soorna. Soorna, I am going to turn you back into you, okay? So just, you know, know that we're your friends and that we're not going to hurt you, and that please don't hurt us, and don't scream or anything, and I think your bald head looks really cool, and you should keep going with that because you look really nice and stuff, okay.

LIAM: Maybe back up a spell?

TALIESIN: I'm right up there, I'm fine with that.

MARISHA: I ready an action, just in case.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I'm hiding and ready an action, as well.

MATT: Make a persuasion check, Jester.

LAURA: Oh no.

TALIESIN: It's okay.

LIAM: I am readying a cocoon for Polymorph, myself.

LAURA: 11!

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I'm going to stand next to Jester, just in case.

MATT: Okay. As the two giants are there flanking it, and you guys backup and find your place, do you release the spell?

LAURA: I hold up my traveler and I go (vocalizing), okay.

MATT: (laughs) (Ashley imitating Laura) The form shifts back into the Stone Giant. You see as the female giant is now resting on the ground. Looks at the rest of you and immediately instinctually flinches a bit. The body tenses, the staff is placed hard on the ground, to get up off of where she was sitting. She stands up to loom over you and it's now the three shoulder-to-shoulder. She looks to the other two. "(sighs) If you mean to help, then show us. But we do not trust the word of outsiders. We trust the actions."

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

TALIESIN: I mean--

LAURA: Can she speak Common, or is she still speaking--?

MATT: She's speaking Giant.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay, cool.

TALIESIN: Well, I mean, that's very fair, although I should point out that this could have ended a lot of different ways, and I would hope that you take that into account. It could have been to the death, and I think that would have been a waste on everybody's end, either way.

MATT: "Your tricks keep us docile, but strength against strength, you would still be smashed."

TALIESIN: Strength against strength. That's fair. So--

TRAVIS: Jesus.

TALIESIN: Tell me about what drove you from your home, if you don't mind. If we have a minute, when everything is said and done, I will help heal you and your friends.

MATT: You see a thousand yard stare from Soorna.

LAURA: Sorry. Excuse me.

MATT: That's okay.

TALIESIN: I relay this all to everybody.

MATT: She begins to say, "As they said, it was the hum."

TALIESIN: The hum?

MATT: "The droning, through the halls of our Braan. The creatures buzzing and flying. Piercing our friends, siphoning away their spirits and life. They wither."

TALIESIN: (whistles)

MATT: "At first, before all of this, we didn't know where the smell was coming, but from the bone pit, a strange... a strange glow was discovered by Oombad, my brother."

MARISHA: Strange glow.

MATT: "We didn't think anything of it, until the small nightmares began to hum. We tried to fight, but our clubs and rocks glanced off of their beastly horn hides and I know better than to know that something small does not make it not dangerous."

TALIESIN: That's very wise.

MATT: "When they pierced my brother and pulled the life from his veins, I gave the command to flee. We regrouped and lost two more as we exited the cave. It was just the eight of us. After we had some time to collect our thoughts and prepare to return, we walked back to the front of Braan, and there I saw my brother waiting, Oombad. He who I saw die before me, just smiled back, and I knew it wasn't him."

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

TALIESIN: Oh no.

MATT: "And I knew we could not go back. They began to give chase once more, and we ran. We ran from the mountain, we ran through the woods, and we ran into this encampment. Then, people here fought back, angry and cut and we protected ourselves. Many of us wounded, but we survived and they fled. We decided to make this camp ours. If the things that took our home were to pursue, this would be where we make our stand. If not, we would rebuild. But if what you say is true and you have interest in helping us reclaim our home, and you do, then we have no use of this place for small people.

TALIESIN: We serve life. The things you describe are quite literally the opposite of that. We have an enemy in common. Your plan was very sound to stay here and hold a final stand. Perhaps together we can do something about these people who have taken your home. How small were they? Smaller than us?

MATT: She puts her hands forward and she says, "Different sizes. The ones that fly--" and she makes like a ball shape with her hands that's about twice the size of Caduceus.

SAM: Oh, that's pretty big.

MATT: It's pretty big.

TALIESIN: That's pretty big.

MARISHA: Twice the size of Caduceus?

MATT: "There were smaller, thinner ones with tails and a hooked horn. They feasted on the corpses."

TALIESIN: Yeah, oh boy.

MARISHA: Horns, scales? Sounds like undead demon shit.

LAURA: Undead demons?

SAM: One of the giants was killed and brought back to life as a zombie.

LAURA: Oh no.

TALIESIN: That's--

MARISHA: Hm.

SAM: Caduceus, have you asked them if they wouldn't mind just living somewhere else?

TALIESIN: No, I haven't.

SAM: Do you think they would?

TALIESIN: I don't know.

SAM: Or do we have to really? We have to go back with them and help?

ASHLEY: Yeah, but then they still don't have a home.

SAM: Well, shit.

TALIESIN: It's also possible. How long have they been here for? How long ago did you make your way here?

MATT: "It's eight sun cycles."

TALIESIN: They still haven't found you yet, these things? Well.

SAM: We'll have them on our side if we go back, right, to fight these undead creature-y things?

TALIESIN: If they are feeling that is the correct course of action.

TRAVIS: Or if they don't want to join us, we take a little rest, their hunting party comes back, does not smash us.

TALIESIN: That would be nice.

TRAVIS: Then we could go try and play exterminator.

MARISHA: I mean any type of invasion is only going to get worse, right?

TALIESIN: I don't like these things walking the land. That does not sit well with me.

MARISHA: Plus, it's either work for these guys or work for some sort of Xhorhasian bureaucrats.

LIAM: Yeah, we are still measuring what we want to do here.

TALIESIN: And we serve ourselves.

LIAM: Is this what you want to do?

TALIESIN: I have some fear, but this feels noble.

MARISHA: Caduceus, what are you looking for again? Does this have any play in that?

TALIESIN: I don't know, but probably.

MARISHA: That was very clear of you.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

TRAVIS: Probably?

TALIESIN: I am looking for answers, and the fact that something like this is out there is definitely a-- feels important. We've been brought here. We've been presented with this opportunity. That seems special. It seems particular.

TRAVIS: Let's do it. Come on.

TALIESIN: I'm surprised, but thank you.

MARISHA: Why?

TALIESIN: Fjord is, Mister Fjord is normally what I'd consider to be the voice of caution.

LIAM: I think we are doing something more dangerous than what we have in front of us. We could probably exterminate the giants here.

TALIESIN: We are definitely trading up to a bigger fish, so to speak.

MARISHA: Well, just because it's the easiest route, doesn't mean it's the best one, though.

TRAVIS: There's also eight more coming back.

LIAM: Yeah, but we could--

SAM: Five.

LIAM: I'm not saying--correct. That's not what we're going to do, but we could, we could deal with these things easily, I believe. But... If we need, the goal here was to empty out this fort. We're going to do it one way or another. We are going to walk with our new friends to this problem and deal with it, or if it's too much for us, we can also fall back and leave them, leave them.

MARISHA: Do we think Waccoh--? You think Waccoh would accept proof of the situation being handled other than the head of a giant?

SAM: If this smelting operation starts up again, then she'll be happy.

TALIESIN: We can even tell them that there were barely any giants there and they ran away immediately at the first sign of people. It was barely anything.

LIAM: This fort being empty would be the proof that they require.

SAM: Have we healed these giants yet? Maybe that would be a show of good faith?

TALIESIN: I have been waiting for everybody to--

SAM: Let's do that, and then we'll wait for their hunting party to get back.

TALIESIN: Who needs healing?

SAM: All of them need healing, right?

TALIESIN: I mean who of us, as well.

SAM: Oh, of us?

MARISHA: I'm good. Yeah, I'm a little down, but not a lot.

TALIESIN: I'm going to relay a little bit of this to her. Here's what we're thinking of doing is staying the night waiting for the rest of your party to return. If you're amiable, having a conversation about all of us going, which would be preferable. Or we can go and take a look and at least scout and see what this is, but we feel like together we maybe could help you get your home back.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

TALIESIN: It's going to be a terrible roll, isn't it?

LIAM: No, it's not.

MARISHA: Big money.

TALIESIN: That's terrib--that's 19. That's not--okay.

LAURA: That's pretty--

LIAM: Not so bad.

MATT: 19. Soorna looking down at you. For the first time, you see the scowl fade a moment and the chin turn up a bit, surprised. "We cannot abandon this, for the moment we do, those people return and take it back. I will go with you, the rest will stay."

SAM: Hm.

TALIESIN: Not one friend of yours, as well? Just you?

MATT: "I'll talk to the rest when they return, but I trust you. I don't know if I trust them, and I definitely don't trust them." You watch her head peer back towards the east where the fleeing members of this camp--

TALIESIN: You are very wise for a giant, if that's your feelings.

MATT: "That's why I am the land speaker of them."

TALIESIN: The land speaker? That's fantastic. I'm going to relay, she's game. Maybe we can convince one more to come with us, but they are hesitant to abandon the fort.

SAM: They're going to stay here?

TALIESIN: The rest are hesitant to abandon the fort to just be taken back until we--

SAM: Okay, well that's fine.

LIAM: It's decent.

SAM: Two giants on our side is pretty good.

TALIESIN: I feel good about that. One or two, we'll see how they feel. I'm going to heal everybody really quickly, so I'm going to do a--

MARISHA: I'd say make sure they don't-- they can't hurt anybody while we're gone.

TALIESIN: Try not to.

MARISHA: Try not to.

TALIESIN: If they attack, obviously, there's nothing. I mean I'm not going to tell people not to defend themselves.

MARISHA: You're not wrong, you're not wrong.

TALIESIN: Let's do a-- do I want to burn my fifth? Let's burn a fourth, that's a little crazy. Let's do a Mass Healing Word to-- or a Prayer of Healing. Let's do a ten minute Prayer of Healing for everybody here. That's the three of you, you are in there, who else needs a little bit of...?

TRAVIS: I got hit a little bit.

SAM: We're also taking a short rest, yeah?

TALIESIN: Yeah. This will at least get everybody up and running. That's--

LIAM: Are we doing a short rest or are we bedding down for the night?

TALIESIN: We're going to probably bed down for the night.

LIAM: Yeah, but we want them to talk.

TALIESIN: We'll have a meal. We'll talk.

SAM: What time is it?

LIAM: Well, Sam, it's-- what time is it?

MATT: Right now?

LIAM: In the day.

MATT: Oh, in the day. I was like, you can look at your phone.

TRAVIS: What time is it?

ALL: Showtime!

MATT: I get a whole different response to that question. This time of day--

LIAM: I wasn't going to go there.

MATT: I know, I know. I don't know if you would. It would, I'd say at this point it's let's say mid-afternoon by the time you guys have traveled through the forest, prepared for this battle, and taken the time to settle them, it's like four or five o'clock in the afternoon. You're looking at dusk in the next--

TALIESIN: 26 points.

MATT: Hour or two.

SAM: Oh hey, Caduceus, one more question.

TALIESIN: Yeah, of course.

SAM: How far is it walk to their camp?

TRAVIS: Nott, why is your voice so low?

SAM: I don't know, why is it? How far is the--?

TALIESIN: Here you go, Nott. There you go, right there.

SAM: How far is it to their camp by foot?

TALIESIN: How long of a walk would you say that we, after we bed down the night, what do you expect our walk to be?

MATT: She looks up, from her perspective, she stands up and she can see, the rest of you see the trees are too thick and too tall. She glances up. "It's about a three hour journey at your speed."

TALIESIN: That's not bad.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay.

TRAVIS: Can we check the rest of the camp, that abode over there, that tent, just to make sure nobody had any, you know (mumbling).

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: Oh, let's find what's his name's tent.

MATT: Whoever wants to help with that, or you can--

TALIESIN: --and see if there's any incriminating evidence.

SAM: Oh yeah, what is his name? The guy we're supposed to embarrass?

TRAVIS: Natural 20.

MATT: A natural 20, a total of?

TRAVIS: 26.

MATT: Nice! Damn, boy!

TALIESIN: Find something embarrassing.

MATT: As you're rummaging through, once again, a lot of materials, errant weapons and such, you do find in one of these major towers that are placed in the center of the Steelworks encampment, there is a small, hidden trap door. Like four foot by three foot that's underneath a little carpeted are there. The carpet got tossed a bit, you can see the corner, and you're like, huh? You open it up, and on the inside there is a small box that is locked, and a small pouch that contains three glass vials.

TRAVIS: Nice! I'll take the pouch and the box out to the others.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: I take a short rest.

LAURA: Ooh, ooh, ooh! What'd you find?

TRAVIS: Well, there was this little hidden spot in the tower over there, and there's three vials of something sloshy, and this box.

LAURA: Is it locked?

TRAVIS: Is it locked?

MATT: Box is locked.

TRAVIS: It's locked. Get it, Nott.

SAM: (excited growl)

MATT: Make a dexterity check with your proficiency modifier.

LIAM: Yes.

SAM: Oh, terrible.

LIAM: For you, but as a rogue.

SAM: Just 16.

MATT: Just 16? Does not open. It's resistant to your work. This is a fairly fine lock.

SAM: Yasha?

TRAVIS: I was going to say. When the fine instruments fail--

TALIESIN: I'd recommend a spell.

ASHLEY: Okay, well how do we know it's not going to--

SAM: Doesn't matter, crush it, kill it!

TALIESIN: You--technically?

LIAM: Is there anything going to explode off of that or poof out a fart or, you know?

TALIESIN: Yeah, does it look like a--

SAM: I will check for traps.

MATT: Make an investigation check as you're poring over it.

SAM: 16!

MATT: 16. Doesn't appear to be trapped from what you can tell.

SAM: Kill it, crush it!

ASHLEY: Okay, so I'm going to take the tip of my sword, just where the lock is, so I don't break anything inside it, and try to--

MATT: All right, make a strength check. Just roll a d20 and add your strength modifier.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TRAVIS: Come on, beast mode.

LIAM: Yasha!

ASHLEY: Oh no. A 15.

MATT: 15, (thunking). It's not piercing through. This is a well-made box.

SAM: Get one of our giant friends?

LIAM: Madame Lavore! I pick it up and carry it over. Boss, crack this nut.

LAURA: I mean, if Yasha couldn't do it, I probably couldn't do it.

ASHLEY: You're very strong, I've seen-- you've got the muscles.

LAURA: (groaning)

MATT: Make a strength check.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: Good god, we're never going to open this box.

MATT: I know.

TALIESIN: What's in the box!

LIAM: Yasha was trying to use finesse. Go beast mode.

LAURA: No. No, I'm really low. Oh, but, but, but, but, but, what if I use my painting tools? I'm going to paint a hole on the lock?

MARISHA: Oh, that's a good idea.

MATT: Okay. You use a bit of the paint, and you paint a little hole. All of a sudden your finger goes through, and your finger can reach inside the box.

MARISHA: Yes!

MATT: You, click, and you open it up from the inside.

(cheering)

You now have a box with a hole in it.

TALIESIN: That's all it is. A box with a hole in it.

LAURA: Oh no, that'd be so sad.

MATT: No, there is a locket of a platinum chain. It's decently made, and a folded letter. The locket opens up and there's a picture inside.

LAURA: There is a picture.

SAM: Who is it of?

MARISHA: I look over her shoulder.

MATT: Okay, the letter is not written in Common. Do any of you speak Undercommon?

MARISHA: Fuck!

LIAM: Give it to me, I will tell you what it says.

LAURA: It's a love letter. What does the locket have in it?

TALIESIN: It's a Rick Roll.

MATT: Inside there is a somewhat debaucherous image of a dark elf woman who's barely covered. It's been very carefully painted by hand.

LAURA: Ooh!

TRAVIS: Never going to give you up. Never going to let you down.

LIAM: Out in my mining fort bunk. Caleb sits on the ground and begins to, he pulls out the one book and begins the ritual--

LAURA: Make sure it's not magical.

LIAM: (vocalizing) Well, he's doing his thing.

LAURA: Is it magical, Caleb?

LIAM: Ten minutes later, he's ignoring Jester.

SAM: Give him a second!

LAURA: Caleb! Caleb, is it magic, though?

SAM: Give him a second.

LAURA: Is it magic?

LIAM: I have a very unique brain, I can push everyone--

MARISHA: Jester, read it. Jester, read it. Jester, read it.

LAURA: Jester read what?

MARISHA: Read the, I want-- read it out loud.

LAURA: Well but, I can't understand it.

MARISHA: Just read it, just read it.

(laughter)

MATT: The three giants are right outside going--

LIAM: Caleb is just like--

(laughter)

MARISHA: We're shouting over top of each other.

MATT: So you're casting--?

LIAM: Comprehend language.

MATT: Okay. You can read it.

LIAM: Yeah, ten minutes later.

LAURA: What's it say?

MATT: It reads, "My dear, sweet Bodo."

TRAVIS: Hot stuff.

MARISHA: It's Bodo! We got all the embarrassment shit we need. Keep going.

LIAM: Triple the embarrassment.

MATT: "It is difficult without you at my side these days." It goes into a lengthy description--

TRAVIS: Oh no, keep going. Don't you "lengthy description" my ass--

MATT: --of their torrid affair and the importance of keeping it secret. (oohing)

LIAM: How did Bodo like it?

MATT: Bodo seemed to enjoy it.

TRAVIS: Any way he can.

LIAM: No, but where did Bodo like it?

SAM: Oh god.

TRAVIS: Oh. Oh.

MATT: You learn--

LAURA: Matt, don't listen to him.

MATT: --this lascivious union that they've carried on for quite some time.

LIAM: I need specifics, man!

LAURA: What's the woman's name?

MARISHA: They were into food stuff, weren't they?

SAM: Yeah, what's it signed?

MATT: It's just signed as a V, that's all.

SAM: With a V?

MATT: Yeah. There's elements of it that are kept somewhat vague. You get the sense that this communication is designed to be, as much as they can, on the DL.

LIAM: It's balloon porn. Ja, go ahead.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

SAM: All right, we've got some evidénce.

LAURA: Is this magical? Is this locket magical? Is the locket magical?

SAM: No, it's a titty picture.

LIAM: Just in case--well, perhaps it is.

LAURA: Maybe it's a magic titty picture.

LIAM: Ritual cast, another ten minutes go by with everybody yammering.

MATT: It is not magical.

LIAM: It is.

LAURA: Sweet! I put it on.

LIAM: It gives you access to balloon porn.

SAM: What is balloon porn?

TRAVIS: No, no, no, no.

TALIESIN: No, no. Why?

TRAVIS: No.

TALIESIN: Why? No.

SAM: I want to know.

TALIESIN: Drop it.

MATT: Google will help you later on.

TRAVIS: Stop it!

TALIESIN: No, don't encourage this.

LIAM: The ultimate Comprehend Languages.

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

MARISHA: SEO for balloon porn goes up 500%.

MATT: I don't want to be responsible for that. Not kink shame. But--(laughs) All right, so, another hour of you guys doing this passes. The sun begins to--the sky, cloudy as it is, begins to turn towards the oranges and reds of sunset as you hear a dull horn in the distance just blare, and the giants look over in that direction, and they say to you, "They're returning."

LAURA: Are we safe? Are we safe?

MARISHA: Yeah, make sure they don't kill us.

LIAM: Should we duck out?

LAURA: Should we go in the bubble or something so they can't hurt us in case they don't like us?

LIAM: All right, that takes too much time probably at this point.

SAM: We have the good favor of their leader, we'll be fine.

LIAM: Let's step inside one of these tents until they can discuss.

MATT: Okay, so you guys all dodge inside one of the tents. Make a stealth check, all of you who take part in this.

TALIESIN: Should I stay out as a representative?

MATT: Have you taken your moorbounders in with you, or are they still out in the forest?

LAURA and TALIESIN: Oh.

TRAVIS: They were out in the trees the last--

LAURA: We should get them.

TRAVIS: Let's leave them there.

LAURA: No, the hunting party is going to see them and they're going to hurt them.

TRAVIS: Leave your animals behind for one stinking minute.

LAURA: If they get killed, I'm going to kill you.

TRAVIS: No, you're not, you love me.

MARISHA: Ooh!

ASHLEY: Natural 20.

MATT: Nice.

TALIESIN: Stealth roll? That's terrible, that's a one, so that's a two.

LAURA: Two zero, that's a 20 for me.

MATT: Nice.

SAM: 30.

LAURA: Whoa.

LIAM: Vier.

MARISHA: 15.

TRAVIS: Same.

MATT: Okay. Interesting spread there. You hear the heavy footfalls and some conversation happening from the other side of the heavy gate that bisects this open yard, where it leads into the actual mining camp that the Steelworks are built around. You can see one of the heavy gates swing open and five giants come in, all covered in metal plates. It's roughshod metal armor, it looks like scale mail if you tried to make it after somebody described to you what scale mail was. And you were like, "I can make that," and you haphazardly piece it together. It's not well crafted. They're not used to metalwork, they're much more of a stone carving people. Whatever it is spooked them enough to start adopting metal in hopes of being a better defense for whatever forced them out of their home. One of them in particular is-- well they're all pretty lithe in their bodies. One of them appears to be bigger than the rest, and it seems to be the one that led the hunting party. You can see them as they come and they're dragging behind four wolf corpses, their heads all smashed. Another one is carrying three giant spiders that have also had the tops of their heads smashed.

LIAM: Whoa, interesting.

MATT: They begin throwing a bunch of errant furniture into a pile, whatever is wood in the vicinity, and you watch as Soorna approaches, the leader, and raising her hand, causes a flame to burn into a bright bonfire. They begin to prepare the animals for cooking and eating. While this happens, Soorna approaches the heavier one and they begin talking. They're far enough away, they're about 100 feet away from you at this point, where you, unless you want to make a perception check to listen in?

TALIESIN: I'll try. Let's see what we get. Natural 20. That's 29.

MATT: Holy shit.

TALIESIN: I am just meta today.

SAM: (loudly as a giant) We are whispering.

MATT: Yeah. Even at this distance.

MARISHA: (as a giant) Does my voice carry?

MATT: "Shh, keep it down." "Okay, no one can hear us now." You hear them arguing over the direction to go. Soorna is presenting the idea of returning and reclaiming, the other one is arguing it's a lost cause. Let's stay here, take what we can, and rebuild. Maybe a few more months, and then maybe build somewhere else in the mountains. Soorna says, "We don't have the time for that. The people who came here want to come back," also, and begins to say that, "We were attacked." He says, "What? Did you kill them?" "She says, "No. They've presented an option to help us." He responds with, "You know you cannot trust folks smaller than your shoulder." She goes, "I understand, but who of us claims the leadership here?" He gets really tense, up into her face, and he stands a good three feet over her.

SAM: Wish I had some popcorn.

MATT: There's a moment of tension.

LAURA: I open my pack, here.

MATT: He diffuses and goes, "You bring the fire, we bring the muscle, we work together to survive." She goes, "Exactly. You remembered my words. They say they wish to help. I will go with them. Do any of you wish to come, as well?" He says, "We just returned. We're tired, and to be honest, if you want to trust small folk, you can go. Because if you don't come back, I can lead us to the next stage."

LIAM: Oh shit.

SAM: No, you can't!

MATT: She gets tense about it.

LIAM: Control that [inaudbile].

MATT: She goes, "Well, leave them be. Keep your eyes, I trust one of them." He nods, and "Where are they?" At which point, you hear Soorna's voice ring out and says, "You can show yourselves."

TALIESIN: I'll come out first. I'll walk up and, I suppose that means a decision has been reached?

MATT: The one with all of the heavy armor, who is taller, goes, (laughs), "You weren't kidding. Well, you are bigger than most small folk."

TALIESIN: That's what they tell me, thank you.

TRAVIS: Nott should go out next.

SAM: Yeah, I'll go out.

MATT: They are, (laughing) they have like a hearty chuckle at the comparison. "If any of you turn on Soorna, we will find you."

TALIESIN: That's fair. There has been enough fighting and I think everyone deserves their home, and there are people who feel strongly for this place, and they will come back and fight for it, because it belongs to them. So in turn, we will fight for what's yours because it belongs to you.

TRAVIS: Nice.

MATT: One of the other giants there leans into the other ones, and is like, "I'm not going back." He goes, "We're not going back, they are."

TALIESIN: The fact that you killed all that and are afraid of what's there is definitely worrisome.

MATT: "Indeed. You should be."

LAURA: Ask how many of their people got killed in the attack. Was it just the one or was it multiple?

TALIESIN: I hope this isn't a sore subject, but what were your numbers before the attack?

MATT: "We were 12."

TALIESIN: Okay, okay.

SAM: Four zombie giants.

TALIESIN: I'm sorry.

LIAM: How high in the sky did these things go?

TALIESIN: Roughly how high?

MATT: Which ones?

LIAM: Oh. just the giants. How much bigger than Caduceus?

TALIESIN: Oh, they're like--

MATT: They're about between 18 to 20 feet tall.

SAM: Oof!

TALIESIN: Yeah. I mean you can see.

SAM: Well, let's get some rest, and then we'll go in the morning.

TALIESIN: We'll go take a look in the morning.

MATT: Soorna looks back and gives a nod. Tends to the fire, they begin to cook the food. The smell is, surprisingly tasty smelling, especially when it comes to the wolf meat and whatever spider meat. You've not seen somebody pull spider meat from a spider this large and prepare it for eating, a uniquely, white type stringy meat that are pulled from the inside of the shell.

LAURA: It looks like mozzarella.

MATT: Kind of, yeah.

LIAM: Is there anything left or is it all in the fire?

MATT: It's all being placed on areas right above the fire, not directly into it necessarily. You can see they have taken some of the metal pikes and weapons and stuff and they've built a small lattice to cook on top of. They're intelligent giants. They're not the dumb hill giants you've encountered before. They seem to be at least of average intelligence, some of them more. Soorna in particular seems to be a little more, a little more head driven than maybe the others. As food is not offered to you, all of them seem to be very intent on watching your goings about. While they do not make any aggressive actions, there isn't a moment that you're traversing out in the open that you don't have at least six sets of eyes staring at you from 15 or more feet above.

LIAM: I pass out boba to the group.

SAM: Ooh.

MARISHA: Hm. Do I, based on the descriptions that we've got and the studies that I have had at the Reserve, do any of the descriptions match with any demonic creatures or--

MATT: Make an arcana check.

MARISHA: --devil creatures that I would know? Arcana.

MATT: Arcana check for you.

MARISHA: Yucky, okay.

LIAM: Roll high, and then we'll know.

MARISHA: Mm, 17, not bad.

MATT: I would say you, from the way they describe the flying creature, the only one that you really got a clear description of, you've read something about a demonic entity known as a chasme. All that you know is they are generally pretty terrifying. They look like massive bloated mosquito, bluish in color, with weird humanoid type elements like hair and other things that protrude from it.

LAURA: Ew!

MATT: You don't know much more than that. You know you've come across it, it's the way they've described it, with the proboscis type point in the face.

LAURA: Definitely a mullet!

SAM and TALIESIN: Proboscis.

TRAVIS: I feel like I owe you money for that word.

MATT: They said a long face that pierced and siphoned, you're like, "That-- I remember the image," and the image in your studies comes to mind, and you're like, "Oh, I hope it's not that." That's all you remember.

MARISHA: I hope it's not that.

TRAVIS: Hope it's not what? You were just looking up to the sky, or looked like you were counting the stars.

MARISHA: Oh sorry, I thought I was talking out loud.

TRAVIS: Nuh-uh.

MARISHA: Yeah, I remember, I might have fallen asleep in class, or I might have been hung over, but I think I remember this time that we learned about these demon creatures and they were like giant mosquitoes with people faces and bad mullets.

TRAVIS: Are you fucking with us right now?

MARISHA: No.

LIAM: That is very specific.

LAURA: Definitely sketching this in my journal.

MARISHA: Yeah, they were called chasmes.

LAURA: Chasmes?

MARISHA: Yeah, the S is a dollar sign according to Liam. Yeah, like Kesha, but chasme.

SAM: They're flying Keshas?

MARISHA: Flying Keshas.

SAM: Oh my god.

TRAVIS: Oh my god, we don't stand a chance.

LIAM: ♪ I buy my own spells! ♪

(laughter)

MATT: You guys can rest for the evening.

TRAVIS: Yes.

SAM: Then we're going to go in the bubble, I assume?

LAURA: We probably should, in case they want to stomp us.

LIAM: Yes, we are not going to let that happen.

ASHLEY: I wonder if I could ask them for some of that spider meat. It's my favorite food.

TRAVIS: Do it, man.

LAURA: You've had spider meat before?

ASHLEY: This is like a little bit of home.

SAM: Go ask them. You can use gestures to communicate.

TALIESIN: You can use Jester to communicate.

LAURA: That's me!

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: As you guys are all bedding up, you head over to the bonfire?

ASHLEY: I'm going to head over to the bonfire.

LIAM: I'm making the bubble while she does that.

MATT: Okay, so as you guys are preparing for dinner, or for the evening and bed down, the dark sky overhead, no stars above, the clouds that largely cover Xhorhas, for the most part, which you're very familiar with, are above. It's a bit of a clearing here in the middle of the forest of the Vermaloc, as you step through the barrier of the two areas, the gate's open. You can see the big burning bonfire, it's probably 15 feet on any given side and it's burning up 30 feet in the air, and you can see ashes and cinders floating up. You can see not all of the giants, five of them are still sitting around the fire. They're conversing and having conversations and they're pulling off meat and eating it. As you approach, they all stop talking and look over towards you, all eyes on you as you step up towards the fire, taking your place among the circle.

ASHLEY: Can I have some of this?

MATT: They all look at each other. (laughing) They gesture towards it.

ASHLEY: I pull off the juiciest leg.

MATT: Okay, it's partially in the fire. You actually like reach into the flame for a minute, and pull it off. It snaps and part of it dangles a little bit as you pull it out, and they all begin to lean in.

ASHLEY: My mouth starts to water.

MATT: They all lean in to watch.

ASHLEY: I've missed this. (juicy meat squelching)

MATT: It's been a while, and it is delicious.

ALL: ♪ It's been a while ♪

MATT: I hate you all so much. (laughter) I hate you all so much.

TALIESIN: Been sitting on that.

SAM: That's your write-off for two months.

MARISHA: Yeah! [inaudible] royalty!

LIAM: That is a reaction spell.

ASHLEY: I finish the leg, I lick my fingers, and I walk back to the bubble but say: Thank you very much. That was very good.

MATT: They all, (grunts) gesture and they say a few things in Giant. (speaking Giant)

ASHLEY: Yep. (imitating Giant)

(laughter)

LAURA: What's it taste like, Yasha?

ASHLEY: Oh, do you want to try?

LAURA: Oh, oh, okay!

ASHLEY: I walk back over and say--

MATT: Their amusement seems to have dissipated slightly as you have now come back for seconds on what is a meal that they spent most of the day hunting.

LAURA: I'm waving.

ASHLEY: Teeny bite?

MATT: One of them reaches forward and takes off this itty bitty little piece and flicks it toward you, Jester. A tiny piece for them is like a handful. Go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw.

LAURA: Saving throw?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Catch it, catch it, catch it.

LAURA: That was almost really awesome, 11.

MATT: You got to catch it and it gets you right in the face, you tumble back and (impacting). Ass over tea kettle onto the ground, and reach up and (slurps) pull the still juicy spider meat from your face.

ASHLEY: That's actually a very good piece, so if you don't eat it all, I will have whatever you do not eat. It's good, yeah?

MATT: It's not too bad. It's reminiscent of like a tougher crab.

LAURA: That's what I was thinking it was going to taste like! It tastes like a tougher crab.

ASHLEY: It's like instead of seafood, it's land food.

LAURA: That was really good, Yasha, here, knock yourself out.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'll have the rest.

MATT: I will ask you both to make a constitution saving throw.

ASHLEY: Uh-oh.

SAM: Or you become spiders.

MARISHA: Wait, is this one of his jokey times?

LIAM: No, there's poison in that.

MARISHA: It's a real time.

LAURA: Nine.

SAM: Oh god.

ASHLEY: 25.

TRAVIS: Oh shit, it's not cooked or something?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: You eat it and it's delicious, and you're like, "Yeah I did it." You both go back to bed, and you recall the spiders in the Vermaloc. They're massive and they're venomous. Jester, you start (groaning). Getting a little bit of that sound in your stomach. You are considered poisoned for the next hour.

LAURA: Oh! (groaning) I feel like I'm going to get the spins.

SAM: Spins?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: What's a spin?

TALIESIN: Oh, the spins.

LAURA: It's where you're pooping, but you have to throw up at the same time.

SAM: Oh, god!

LIAM: If you are going to squirt, do not do it inside of the dome.

SAM: Get out of the dome!

LAURA: No, but they're going to step on me if I leave.

SAM: No, they won't. Just get out of the dome.

MARISHA: I accompany Jester and hold her hair back.

TALIESIN: Hey.

TRAVIS: That might not be where--

LIAM: How does that help or add--

MARISHA: I, hold her hair back and it's super awkward while she's squatting. Yeah. (laughter)

LIAM: Boosh! (groaning)

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Bonding.

TRAVIS: Prestidigitation, please!

MATT: An evening of--

MARISHA: Just lavender. Lavender scents.

LAURA: Every time before I have to fart, I use Thaumaturgy to make it sound like birds chirping so nobody can hear it. (laughter) (birds calling)

MATT: Definitely one of the most unique uses of Thaumaturgy, I think, in my experience so far. (whistling)

LIAM: (gun cocking and firing)

MATT: Okay, so after an evening of bonding, a full night's rest is gained. It takes you a little longer to recover by the morning, but you had your spider meat. You tried spider meat.

LAURA: (weakly) Yay.

MATT: The cold morning greets you as you emerge from the hut. There is that morning frost that's gathered across bits of the foliage and dead leaves that are covering the open ground here within the Steelworks. Most of the giants are still sleeping. The two of them that are awake, they're all passed out on the ground, out around where the bonfire was, which is now this low cinder. There's still smoke pouring up from it. You can see the embers and the elements that were once the furniture and other things that were gathered for it, some shapes are still recognizable inside the bonfire, but it's mostly burned out.

TALIESIN: Chair.

MATT: You hear some rustling, and across the way by the southern gate you can see Soorna currently has placed a big cloak over her shoulder, and is gathering and putting rocks inside a big, heavy satchel on the side. Takes the staff and mounts it, and turns around and looks at the rest of you.

SAM: Let's go.

TRAVIS: You want to like (whistles) call your?

SAM: Moorbounders?

LAURA: Yeah, I thought we were going to get them.

LIAM: To ride them, yeah.

TALIESIN: We'll grab them on the way out.

TRAVIS: Yeah, okay.

TALIESIN: We have, yeah.

MATT: You guys grab the moorbounders, and as your ride them in, Soorna looks a bit, just looks to you and goes, "I am not familiar with these beasts, but keep them controlled."

TALIESIN: Do our best.

MATT: She seems a bit skittish.

TALIESIN: New friends. Friend, friend, all right?

MATT: Clarabelle's like (snorting).

TALIESIN: She knows.

MATT: Soorna is not comfortable with these things. Definitely seems to let them be your problem for now. Opening the southern gate, you all exit and begin to make your way into the Vermaloc Forest. At her behest, you see Soorna is now guiding the path, the Landspeaker taking you towards where this problem all seemed to start. That where we'll take a break.

MARISHA: So fun!

TRAVIS: We've got a giant fighting with us!

MATT: You do! You have a giant druid fighting with you. They're not going to leave the space. They're like, "We'll lose one of our kind, and the one that seems to have the most faith in you all. The rest of us either don't want to go back or don't want to possibly let the rest of the humans have an opportunity to take this back while you're missing."

LIAM: The one with the biggest brain.

MATT: We'll be back here in just a few minutes. Before we come back, we do have our Wyrmwood giveaway from my friends at Wyrmwood. Tonight--you get to look at this. This is a fantastic, the tabletop tile sets that they've been making. These are various Wyrmwood types. You can see all the different types of wood available in this cluster here. Be sure to check out Wyrmwood's Kickstarter campaign to pick up your own set if you're interested. They have all different uses, like tiny dice roller set. Tiny dice prison. Trackers for spells and stuff. It's pretty badass, so check it out and see if it's something you like, but we have this to be given away to one of you folks when we return here from the break. Tonight's password is grateful, because we are. It is grateful, enter it once in the chat. Any more than that and you'll be disqualified. For our friends in the U.S. and Canada, and excluding Quebec who are applicable. We'll return here from the break and have a winner shortly. See you in a minute.

Break
(rock music) ♪ You got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click open the webpage ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you're ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In that mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It's D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; Beyond ♪ ♪ You've got your stats ♪ ♪ You've got your swords ♪ ♪ And you've got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It's D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; Beyond ♪ BRIAN: Last time on Talks Machina. TALIESIN: Yeah, he's definitely-- BRIAN: Tough backdoor to kick down. LIAM: Yeah. DANI: Y'all! TALIESIN: Wow. DANI: Y'all! BRIAN: Talking about robbing a house! Am I robbing a house? DANI: Next question! TALIESIN: I love you. BRIAN: Talking about robbing a house! LIAM: Not every nut is easy to crack, Dani. DANI: (fake sobbing) BRIAN: Especially if there's more than one. LIAM: Oh, Henry. BRIAN: He got a couple hundred treats. MARISHA: Your soul is forfeit! BRIAN: Aw, goddamn it, again? We just had a whole episode of this, ow! And with that laser pointer. MARISHA: (screaming) BRIAN: Ah, Jesus Christ. DANI: Bye, Marisha. TRAVIS: Long hours. BRIAN: Can we move the set, people, so that I don't have to deal with this every week? Seedy88. "Which item that Professor Waccoh-- TALIESIN: I want the fancy new staff. LIAM: Yeah, oh? TALIESIN: That fancy new staff is a fancy staff. BRIAN: Sure. TALIESIN: I'd like to shove my crystal into that staff. DANI: Oh, boy! BRIAN: Which end does it go in? TALIESIN: I mean, honestly, it's either end. LIAM: The butt end of the staff, are we talking about? BRIAN: He said either end is fine, so it's ultimately up to how the staff's feeling that day. TALIESIN: Well yeah, and you have to work it either way. I mean like it's--you're going to have to, you know. BRIAN: Is the staff not fitted for that exact crystal or does it sort of-- TALIESIN: No, you got to make it fit, though. BRIAN: Over time, it gets easier. DANI: Y'all make me so tired. BRIAN: Why? This is all the shit you look up on the internet. DANI: That is in my private time or for charity! BRIAN: Oh, we're on the clock. We're on the clock. We're on the clock. BRIAN: That feels good, huh? That feels good. TALIESIN: He's got it figured out. BRIAN: That's a sweet boy. LIAM: That's it, this is the show. BRIAN: You can sign us off if you want, man. LIAM: No way! BRIAN: Yeah, go ahead. LIAM: No way! Liam, that's all the time we have for tonight. I would like to thank Taliesin and Brain for joining us tonight. Episode, it's not 69, but 59 is this Thursday. As always, don't forget to love each other, and don't worry. It's almost Thursday. Stay turnt, my friends. And remember (laughs)... BRIAN: Here we go. LIAM: Creepy ain't a crime, and neither is D&D;. DANI: Can you give me a B take? LIAM: (exaggerated exhale) TALIESIN: (snaps) TRAVIS: (whimpering) Oh my god, you guys! We did it! Ten million dollars, you guys are absolutely insane. Thank you so, so much for your amazing generosity, your support, your love, your passion. I can't believe it. This cartoon is going to be absolutely incredible. It's going to be even more amazing than it was before. With hitting ten million dollars, I am going to be going to a haunted house. My favorite thing in the world. You should know that I try to go to haunted houses every year to try and build up a tolerance to those things, but I reflexively scare easy, okay? I like to buy in. I buy into the mythos of the particular house that I'm-- DANI: Travis, congratulations! TRAVIS: Oh my--! DANI: Oh, this is going to be so fun. TRAVIS: Gods. Anybody else? Anyone else want to be fucking, huh, yeah? Cute? Okay, so probably in October, I will go through a haunted house and it will be caught on film, and you can all laugh as my giant six-- foot four self screams in terror and panic. This video's done. We love you guys so much. Can't wait to keep you posted and updated on how things develop. (canine howling) What the fuck was that? Was that Henry? I got to go, bye. (lights clicking) [eerie music] TALIESIN: Like a symphony playing to an empty theater, Critical Role dines alone without its audience. Yes, that validating and most enthusiastic congregation on the other side of, the fourth wall. And what is this, fourth wall separating the viewer from the creator? A portal to an often sought point of connection, or the Twitch subscription zone? On the rare occasion that you miss the live bacchanal boasted by the ragtag group of thespians on Thursday night, you may always view the show on demand in the shadowland known as, the Twitch subscription zone. Picture, if you will, the necessary pieces to complete a jigsaw puzzle, but it's up to you to choose how it will be solved. You could, of course, subscribe with your debt rectangle, but many more divergent paths lie before you. Perhaps you found yourself in possession of an Amazon Prime account. You would then wake up to discover a free Twitch subscription each month for a channel of your choosing. But this artifact demands renewal, for you must re-subscribe each month to quench its unyielding thirst. One need not walk alone. Those who have already found their way can illuminate the path for others, via the Gift a Sub button on Twitch. Critical Role is humbled by your subscription and wishes to thank you from behind the thin veil of this, fourth wall. We hope you enjoy our content as much as we enjoy making it. And so ends another meandering digression, a complicated parody promo down an indistinct highway to the region we call, the Twitch subscription zone. [eerie music] You will subscribe. Twitch Prime subscribe. Gift subscribe. Subscribe. [eerie music] [intense orchestral music]

Part II
MATT: Hello everyone and welcome back. Before we get into the game, we have our winner. The winner of our Wyrmwood giveaway is, Nitsudje27. Congratulations Nitsudje. Might have been Nit-soo-jay, but Nit-soo-ge it is, 27. We'll get their information and get your win to you as soon as possible. So Mighty Nein.

LIAM and TRAVIS: Yes?

MATT: As you set out from the mining camp into the depths of the Vermaloc, at the behest of the Landspeaker, you continue onward the next hour or so.

SAM: As we ride, I'm going to, I'm on the one with Caleb, I'm going to say. I'm going to lean over him and say: Caleb, I'm feeling uneasy.

LIAM: Why today?

SAM: Because, what the fuck am I doing here? I just was reunited with my husband and I've, we were given a chance to go on an adventure, and I jumped at it like that. Am I a bad person? I just left and I ditched my husband in a den on monsters to go adventuring with you.

LIAM: Well, I think partially, you are an addict like the rest of us, but no. Don't think in the micro, think in the macro. You want to make where you are from, our home, the Empire safe again. To do that, we have a certain number of steps ahead of us. We have to cozy up to the people we are staying with and work that to our advantage, and turn the world on its head.

SAM: You don't think I'm just delaying the inevitable? Scared of going back to my old life or anything?

LIAM: Would you prefer I call you Nott or Veth when we are apart from your husband?

SAM: I don't know anymore. I guess let's just keep it with Nott.

LIAM: All right.

SAM: It's just, I don't know like, is he going to even like me anymore? I'm so different, not just physically. I do different things now.

LIAM: Well, the way that he talked to you, I would not have anything to worry about.

SAM: That was just where he was just happy to see me alive. But, you know.

LIAM: I think you might be wrong. I can't say I'm 100% certain, but I think you might be.

SAM: But will I like it?

LIAM: (sighs)

SAM: I've gotten a taste of adventure and seeing the world, and now I got to go back and be a housewife again?

LIAM: Question, is Beauregard here, as well?

MATT: You are walking together.

LIAM: Oh, we're not on our moorbounders?

MATT: Oh, sorry, you're on your moorbounders, correct.

LIAM: Because we had ridden together in the past, so it's up to Beauregard.

LAURA: Beau can be with us if she wants to be.

MARISHA: I--wherever.

LIAM: It's up to you.

MARISHA: I'm on a moorbounder.

MATT: Are you with them or are you with Jester and Yasha?

MARISHA: With Jester and Yasha, I would have balanced it out.

LAURA: It was me and Fjord.

MATT: Oh, you and Fjord?

TALIESIN: Yeah, we were together.

MARISHA: No, I guess I would rode through with you. Is that weird?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: I'm not listening up to this point, though.

LIAM: Wait, are you with us then?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: She is, yes.

LIAM: Okay, well Nott, I don't know. I think you have to find those answers.

SAM: Can't you just tell me?

LIAM: I cannot, Nott. But I am glad you're here.

SAM: You don't think I'm terrible for leaving him in a hotel room?

LIAM: Do I think that some amount of time after you drowned and were changed into something other than you are, and have ridden halfway across the world, and are in enemy territory, and you are acting strangely, are you asking me if I judge you? Or if you should judge yourself for the way you are acting right now? Because I don't.

SAM: Well thank you. That makes me feel a little better.

LIAM: I think that we are actually working towards something. Are you awake?

MARISHA: Hmm? I'm not listening at all.

LIAM: She's very skilled, but I think she's listening.

MARISHA: Nope, not listening.

LIAM: Not at all.

MARISHA: Nope.

LIAM: I think that we are working towards something very good. We could fritter our life away and abandon hope, you and I. But you're not. You are working toward something good. Your son needs a world to grow up in with parents who love him, so. You are feeling poorly? You are doubting yourself? I understand that very well. But I don't share your opinion of you. Or this group.

SAM: Well, thank you. Beau, what did he just say?

MARISHA: He doesn't share your--

SAM: You're not supposed to be listening!

MARISHA: I mean--

SAM: You're not supposed to be listening!

MARISHA: He said ca-caw! Ca-caw!

(laughter)

SAM: Betrayer!

LIAM: What about, what about that Caduceus, though?

MARISHA: What about him?

SAM: He's good.

MARISHA: Wait, are you actively talking to me now?

SAM: Yeah, you're engaged to--

MARISHA: Yeah, okay, okay.

LIAM: I'm pulling you in.

MARISHA: Yeah, what do you mean?

LIAM: He turned all of that around. That could have been nothing but death and the stench of killing.

SAM: To be fair, we don't know what he said in Giant. It could have all been dick jokes or something. Maybe it was terrible, what he said. We have no idea.

LIAM: But you can't argue with the results.

SAM: That's right, whatever he said worked.

LIAM: Worked, maybe they like those dick jokes. They are not crushing in our skulls.

MARISHA: I mean, unless he's planning some weird, elaborate trap and he's developed some sort of scheme with the giants and he's leading us astray and he's planning to corner us and kill us in those caves where no one would ever find our bodies again. I don't think he's doing that, though.

SAM: I look over at Caduceus. What's he doing?

TALIESIN: Matt? Now.

(laughter)

Thank you, thank you.

TRAVIS: Fucking knew it!

MATT: This whole time.

TRAVIS: Just too nice.

MATT: (laughing)

MARISHA: I mean demons, am I right?

TALIESIN: Have a cookie basket. Ah!

MARISHA: Oh, I don't know.

SAM: Yep!

MATT: Fjord? As you rummage through the remnants of the rest of that satchel you found.

TRAVIS: Ooh!

(cheering)

MATT: For your 20 on an investigation check.

SAM: A greater, what is that?

LAURA: One greater and two regulars.

LIAM: Grape Ape.

LAURA: Oh, you're rummaging through that while you're on the moorbounder with me, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Yep.

LAURA: What'd you find? I hear clinking.

LIAM: That is hot, looking through a pharmacy bag.

TRAVIS: Just found some what looks to be healing potions.

LAURA: Oh, really? That'll be useful.

TRAVIS: Yep, for the non-clerics, it'll go a long way.

LAURA: That was really cool how you found that stuff.

TRAVIS: Oh, thanks! Yeah, I mean I figured it was probably sitting there waiting to be discovered. Just needed a keen eye.

LAURA: That's true, that's true.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

(laughter)

MARISHA: It's old school. Yeah.

(ticking)

TRAVIS: Who do you think needs these healing potions the most?

LAURA: Oh. (Liam coughing) I don't know, Caleb's pretty weak. He goes down a lot.

LIAM: I've heard that.

TRAVIS: Who else?

LAURA: I mean, I guess, I guess I could use one. I don't have any.

TRAVIS: You don't have any healing potions, Jester?

LAURA: Well, no, but I have spells, so you know. Beau could probably use one, too. She's always up in the front.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's true.

SAM: Low branch.

LAURA: Oh shit.

TRAVIS: I tell you what, how about we use this regular for Caleb?

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: We use this regular for Beau.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: We'll give you this super powerful one.

LAURA: Fjord, do you have any healing potions?

TRAVIS: Nah, but you always look out for everybody, so you might as well have it.

LAURA: Yeah, but what if I can't get to you? You keep it for yourself, and when you take it, just think of it as a spell from me, okay?

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: You sure?

LAURA: Yeah. Also, have you seen this fucking locket? Look at it.

TRAVIS: That's a very risque photo, Jester. Would you close it?

LIAM: Flock of birds! (flapping)

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: Nothing. We just haven't talked a lot lately, that's all.

TRAVIS: Yep. Seems like Yarnball has got a good, you know, relationship with you. What do you call it?

LAURA: Yarnball?

TRAVIS: Yep, it's a good, good dog, horse, cat.

LAURA: Fjord, you're being really awkward.

TRAVIS: No, I'm not.

LAURA: Yes, you are.

TRAVIS: I'm disarming you.

LAURA: You are being so awkward with me.

MATT: "(speaks Giant)" You hear the voice of Soorna up ahead, holding her staff forward. The red trees that you've been used to seeing, the beautiful but generally unchanging scenery, begins to shift. Beyond this immediate cluster, the coloration goes a bit gray, it loses its saturation. The texture catches your eye a second. You can see now there are scattered webs that begin to stretch between the trees ahead.

TRAVIS: Well, I guess the buffet is ahead, right, Yasha? Spiders.

ASHLEY: Yes, did you try any last night?

TRAVIS: No, I did not.

ASHLEY: It's very, very tasty.

LAURA: They are not as tasty as she makes them sound.

ASHLEY: Well, it's an acquired taste type of a thing. It takes a little bit of time to really, you know--

LAURA: To not poop every time you eat them.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I was going to say, you look pale this morning. I didn't quite notice when you first got--

LAURA: I mean not that, I wasn't pooping or anything. Some people, I hear, poop when they--

ASHLEY: You can get the shits with it, yeah. For sure, if you eat certain parts.

LAURA: Certainly not me, because I don't do that.

TRAVIS: Yep.

ASHLEY: I only heard birds last night.

TRAVIS: They were exceptionally loud last night.

ASHLEY: They were so loud!

TRAVIS: In like, percussive, helicopter bursts.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah. I didn't even know that they were around here that much in the night.

LAURA: They sounded really charming.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TRAVIS: "Charming."

SAM: Cobra!

(laughter)

MATT: As you guys are having this conversation, Soorna begins to circle her staff and a ball of fire apparates in the air in front of her, drops on the ground, and begins to roll forward. It rolls and pours into the first web. The web burning back. You hear (squeaking) as all these spiders begin to skitter up. You see, and of similar size, there are spiders where their abdomen is about the size of Fjord. They are very large. Begin to pull away and scatter amongst the boughs and canopies of the trees. The ball continues to roll forward, setting one web on flame. Another one, another, burning a path, and Soorna turns back to the rest of you. (speaking Giant) Or you hear, "Follow."

TRAVIS: We don't need to hear about that.

MARISHA: (attempts to speak Giant)

TRAVIS: What?

TALIESIN: Spiders, spiders.

TRAVIS and MARISHA: (attempt to speak Giant)

MARISHA: Is that what, is that?

MATT: As you walk through the flame, the webs have burned back to the point where they're not going to be a danger to you. You can feel the heat, and the moorbounders are a little bit reticent to move forward, but you usher them through. As you look up, particularly Caduceus and we'll say Beauregard, Caleb, and Jester, you guys can see the clusters of eyes reflecting the flames in them as they're about 15 feet above you. Elements, yeah, of the--

LAURA: Stop it.

TALIESIN: Hey. Have a nice day.

MATT: Continuing to move forward. Eventually, climbing through the web-infested forest, the deep aspect of these woods, you come to the base of the Penumbra Range, the ominous mountains, steep as they climb from the floor, sculpted by the elements to resemble jagged stairs for an impossibly large behemoth. The clusters of the Vermaloc trees protrude from pockets of earth that appear to be wedged or have found purchase within these somewhat shifty mountain bases. You can see bits of color against the darker stone, as these trees have found really still on the base elements where they can grow. Caduceus, you notice before Soorna points in that direction, that following the shapes of the range, you can see hidden slopes that wind up the side. Your eyes catch the mouth of a divide, about a quarter mile up. In the side of the cliff, you can see an element where this cleft exists and pushes into the mountain, and there's a small, shallow ravine that's out of sight beyond the angle you're looking. As you take notice and begin to point, Soorna goes and gestures to the staff up.

TALIESIN: Hey, look at that. Going that way.

MATT: As you follow Soorna up these hidden, switchback paths up the side of the mountain, the temperature grows colder. It's not raining, but you can see storm clouds beginning to come and mount. The sky starts growing darker. The rain is going to be probably a heavy rain, and for the next day or two. You can see the dark storm clouds go on and on endlessly, so you think you're in for a wet week to come.

TALIESIN: Fancy jacket helps.

MATT: Stepping up towards the gap in the cliff, you can already see the small canyon that's nestled in the mountainside has built within it this alcove, front of a fortress, of rough slabs and placed stones. The design for beings far larger than you. The sides of it have decorations of tattered leather and sculpted bone that frame the interior. Each side of the stronghold embeds itself into the side of the wall of the mountain. It seems shallow. Even at first glance, it's either a very small stronghold, or a portion of it is built further into the actual mountain. The front doorway stands about 20 feet tall, it's wide open. You can already see amongst this area, stains across the stone here: smattered, dark, dried blood. As you begin to step into the ravine and head towards the front of this stronghold, it's quiet. The wind picks up a bit, (whooshing) and blows through. The chill creeps across you, and you feel the hair on the back of your neck stand up a bit. Soorna is moving forward, but with hesitance, and with each step she's having to steel her will and take another, and another. What's your marching order, guys?

LAURA: Oy vey.

LIAM: Mage Armor, now.

MATT: Okay, Mage Armor is up.

MARISHA: Yeah, and before we go in, Caduceus, there seems to be some sort of undead connotation things going on here.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: Is there something we can do to prevent against that?

TALIESIN: I can help a little bit, but I don't know.

MARISHA: There's also a lot of piercing imagery. I don't know if there's anything to resist against that, either?

TRAVIS: Is there still a shit load of spiderwebs everywhere?

MATT: No, those dissipated with the forest, thankfully.

TRAVIS: We're home free.

LIAM: Improvisation is key, but Caduceus, I think in here, you're the point person. We will all look to you.

TALIESIN: All right. I'm looking at a couple things.

SAM: Marching order, you said?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: I'll go first.

LIAM: I'll go last.

ASHLEY: Are we all following Soorna?

MATT: The giant is flanking alongside, but is also letting you guys go a little bit ahead, as well.

ASHLEY: I'll go up next.

MATT: After Fjord?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARISHA: I'll watch for you.

TALIESIN: I'd like to be next to you, if that's all right?

MARISHA: I'll go up front with Caduceus after that.

MATT: Okay, so you guys are behind them?

TALIESIN: Yeah, right there.

LAURA: I guess I'll stick back with Nott and Caleb, then.

MATT: Okay, Nott, are you holding up the rear?

SAM: I'll hold up the rear and cast Mage Hand.

MATT: Okay, so you have your Mage Hand in front of you.

TALIESIN: Seeing if there's anything we should have.

MATT: Any other spells or anything you need to prepare in advance?

TALIESIN: Just looking.

LIAM: Fireball on the party.

MATT: I knew I could count on you.

SAM: Every three episodes.

MATT: He gets a little itchy and has to blow his friends up.

LIAM: (grunting)

TRAVIS: Fucking Caleb!

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's no, nothing. I got a thing that I'll cast if we get into trouble, but I'm paying very close attention and I'm going to occasionally do a little Detect Undead. I'm going to run Eyes of the Grave every now and then. I'm certainly stepping in, I want to right when we start stepping in, I want to cast Eyes of the Grave, just to take a gander.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Poop.

LAURA: Did you say poop?

TALIESIN: I did. It's the sound of popping on Eyes of the Grave.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

MATT: As you step on the threshold of the main chamber doorway, the first thing that gets you is the scent. It grabs your senses immediately. It's like bile and rot.

LAURA: Ew.

MATT: You can see more dark stains across the stone floor ahead of you along with small piles of drying, organic matter.

LAURA: Somebody's been eating spider legs.

MATT: The antechamber is quite large. In fact, let me show you.

SAM: This battle is brought to you by, this combat is powered by Dwarven Forge!

LIAM: Haggle flaggle!

SAM: There's a PDF module tied to their Dungeons of Doom product available now on their website. I don't know if I'm supposed to do this every time, but guys, there's some sort of battle cam that's supposed to do amazing. I've never actually seen it.

MARISHA: It's definitely--it's great!

LIAM: Oh, what?

TRAVIS: (imitating dramatic music)

LAURA: Pass this around.

LIAM: That's not wood!

SAM: Oh man, do we have to drink this?

TALIESIN: No, somebody ordered these.

SAM: I know, but do we have to--

MATT: I don't know why they brought them in now.

TALIESIN: I don't know, either.

LIAM: We ordered shakes from nobody in particular.

MATT: All right, well, they're out here now.

LIAM: No one in particular.

MARISHA: This is the best.

MATT: Cool, well, okay.

MARISHA: Spoons!

MATT: I did not mean to throw this chaos into you in the middle of the game, but here we are. This was for after the stream. All right, so.

TRAVIS: Put that shit down.

TALIESIN: That's not mine. Oh god, it's everywhere.

MATT: Entering the main chamber.

TALIESIN: Oh no.

LIAM: We'll have a bonus one.

TALIESIN: There's one underneath here.

SAM: Oh shit, we're in a chamber? Oh god!

MATT: This is the front door you guys came here through.

LIAM: No one has ever done that.

LAURA: Oh my god.

LIAM: We're cool, we're cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool.

TALIESIN: There are stairs.

MATT: This is a pile of stones.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: This is a one story structure.

TALIESIN: Okay, there's nothing--

MATT: The ceiling stands about 25 feet tall.

LIAM: This is incorrect. Nott goes in front of the coward.

SAM: No, I said I was in the rear.

MATT: He said he was in the back.

LIAM: I said I was in the back. You want to argue about it?

TRAVIS: Ro-sham-bo! Boulder, Parchment, Shears!

LIAM and SAM: One, two, three, shoot, oh. No, one, two, three, shoot. Ready?

SAM: I thought you want to?

TRAVIS, SAM, and LIAM: One, two, three, shoot. One, two, three, shoot.

TRAVIS: Jesus.

TRAVIS, SAM, and LIAM: One, two, three, shoot.

LIAM: Goddamn it. Okay, fine, I'm so brave. There.

TALIESIN: It's good to have someone behind you.

LAURA: Don't worry, Caleb, I'll protect you.

TALIESIN: So Soorna, is there any hidden contraptions or anything we should be aware of in here?

MATT: Soorna, whose eyes are looking up into the darkened hallway ahead, which continues onward lightlessly.

TALIESIN: This is going to be my first, this would have been my first use of Eyes of the Grave.

MATT: Okay, which has a range of?

TALIESIN: 60 feet.

MATT: 60 feet? Nothing catches to your attention. Soorna, looking ahead, this hallway, eyes wide and focused. You can see the fear around the eyes. Did you just get brain freeze, Sam?

SAM: Yep.

MATT: Aw, buddy.

SAM: Okay, it's gone. All right.

TALIESIN: It'll be back.

MATT: She leans off to the side. "There are no traps."

TALIESIN: No way in or out?

MATT: "It's just the way in."

TALIESIN: All right.

TRAVIS: Can you ask her how far she got before stuff went down last time?

TALIESIN: I think they made it. Did they make it this far last time? Were you still fighting them here?

MATT: "Oh, when I returned, we didn't even enter. They were standing at the door. The fact that they're not in this chamber makes me uneasy."

TRAVIS: Darkvision of 60 feet, can I see anything?

MATT: Correct, so 60 feet you can see a hall that continues onward. From your position, you can see a basin of some kind. The chamber goes to the right and the left.

TRAVIS: A basin? Oh, okay.

SAM: There's a fountain-y thing over there.

TRAVIS: It looks like there's a little T, or a little cross junction.

LIAM: Hold on a second. (snapping) Frumpkin is on the ground.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: I pull--

MATT: The Frumpkin figure got somehow smashed.

LIAM: Don't tell me that.

TALIESIN: Flat Frumpkin!

LIAM: Don't tell me that.

TALIESIN: Let's also, where does everybody, how--

LIAM: I'm going to TPK this entire table.

TALIESIN: Question, question. Do we want to unclump into two groups?

SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LIAM: Sure, that's a good idea.

MATT: We'll say your dancing lights is Frumpkin.

LIAM: That's perfect.

MATT: This is your Mage Hand.

TALIESIN: Let's unclump maybe very quietly.

LAURA: Yeah, let's spread out.

TALIESIN: One group in this little chunk's one group, just over to the right of the door.

SAM: We're just going to split.

LAURA: Split down the middle.

TRAVIS: Over to your left, Matt.

MATT: Going this way?

LAURA and MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Moving forward?

LAURA: No, no, no. Just over to there.

TALIESIN: If things happen, we're not in a big spray arc, yeah.

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: In this moment, then, I'm going to plant my hand in the center of the shoulder blades of Caduceus, since he is the leader here, and--oh, but before that, I pull, because I always have mud in my pockets, I grab Frumpkin, and I smear it all over him to make him look like a disgusting, ratty creature.

MATT: Frumpkin does not appreciate it.

LIAM: Telepathically.

MATT: (meowing)

LIAM: Buddy boy, go look around, do your thing. I put my hand on Caduceus' back, and I can't hear or see anything. I am Frumpkin. I send him walking in.

MATT: Okay, roll a perception check with disadvantage.

LIAM: Yeah, veering to the left. Disadvantage. (scoffs) Goddamn it! They were the opposite of the die! Six.

MATT: Okay, Frumpkin turns the corner. It's fairly dark. What you do see in the chamber, it appears to be a crafting room of some kind. There are large tools. There's a large table that has some materials used for stone crafting and stone cutting. You do see on the floor, a skeletal corpse over here of a stone giant that is mostly bone. It has been picked clean of most of its meat. There are piles of whatever organs and stuff might still remain. Shreds of it left over have fallen through and sloughed off the skeleton and came to in a pile there. That's what Frumpkin sees.

LIAM: I whisper to Caduceus: Tell your big friend that one of her family is very dead ahead.

TALIESIN: One of your people is, dead in the crafting room in the room to the left. Very dead, apparently.

MATT: "Appreciate the information."

TALIESIN: There's one.

LIAM: If Frumpkin has done his best to look around the room, I would command him to cross the hallway.

MATT: Roll another perception check with disadvantage.

TRAVIS: Didn't the dead come back to play?

TALIESIN: Sometimes.

LIAM: Same two rolls. Both times, I rolled a 17 and a two. That's a six.

SAM: In that order.

LIAM: In that order, right.

MATT: Buddy. Frumpkin looks inside here.

LIAM: My cat.

SAM: Huh, that's so sweet.

LIAM: Oh, it's a sandbox.

MATT: The best that Frumpkin sees, a few shapes. Large, stone tables of some kind. There is a heavy pit across the way that drops out of sight there. You see another corpse in the corner there.

SAM: That's fine, they're dead. What can they do?

TALIESIN: A lot.

LIAM: I tell Frumpkin to look at the ceiling.

MATT: Okay, Frumpkin looks up, doesn't see anything.

TRAVIS: How high is it?

MATT: The ceiling's about 30 feet up.

TRAVIS: Gotcha.

MATT: 25 to 30 feet.

LIAM: I tell Frumpkin to go up to the pool, and dab the water.

MATT: It's not water. Frumpkin goes up to the edge and can now have a better view. Looking inside, what little bit of light that Frumpkin has here without darkvision, it's a pit. It's a pit that goes far lower where Frumpkin can see. Frumpkin does not have darkvision if I'm correct, correct? If I remember correctly.

LIAM: I will check, but I snap my fingers and bamf him out of there.

MATT: Okay, double checking. Cats are nocturnal.

LIAM: Creature's in there. Creature, cat.

TALIESIN: Bless you.

LIAM: Keen smell, it says nothing about vision in there.

MATT: Correct, so Frumpkin definitely can smell rot from that pit, some of it old, old rot. Like that came from a long time ago.

LIAM: Okay, then I would, to my group at least, quietly say that there's two chambers, seemingly nothing alive, and a hole to the right.

TALIESIN: There's a large hole and there are two bodies, though. Bodies are dangerous.

ASHLEY: Are they dead or are they sleeping?

LIAM: I believe they're, yeah, Frumpkin's gone. I took him out of the existence entirely.

SAM: Let's go investigate these corpses. How about the dead-er one?

TALIESIN: Is there a dead-er one?

LIAM: They are equally dead as far as I could tell, Nott.

MATT: This one is very skeletal. This one, from what Frumpkin can see, also is dead, but didn't get quite the same bead, because he didn't get all the way up to it.

SAM: The skeleton one.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Okay.

SAM: Party on the left will start moseying around.

TRAVIS: Party on the right will go to the right.

TALIESIN: Once I am within view of the body, I'm also going to do another detect, another Eyes of the Grave.

MATT: Are you bringing your Mage Hand with you?

SAM: I will. I'll probably recast it. It's probably been a minute.

TALIESIN: Is she hanging back, or?

MATT: Who's hanging back?

TALIESIN: She is, okay. No, I mean is she?

SAM: Big girl.

ASHLEY: Soorna.

MATT: Soorna is approaching and--

TALIESIN: Gently.

MATT: Yeah. Soorna is with you, but Soorna also, honestly, is keeping you guys between you and whatever might be there.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

MATT: She's not a frontline tank from her perspective, and honestly, the reason she's here is she believes that you're going to prove yourselves by helping and being a buffer to whatever is-- you can see the fear in her eyes, causing that look of dread.

TALIESIN: All right, once I can see both of the, once I'm within range of these two bodies, I'm going to--

MATT: Okay, were you inspecting this one here?

TALIESIN: I'm going to do a quick Eyes of the Grave, just to see, and then do little look around quickly. 60 feet, anything undead should light up.

MATT: Right, so when you're close to this point, Eyes of the Grave, nothing catches your attention. Make a perception check.

SAM: Oh boy.

TRAVIS: Come on!

TALIESIN: That's good, that's 25.

MATT: Great, there is no light source here and you do not have darkvision.

ASHLEY: I have darkvision.

MATT: Yasha does, so Yasha glances there and you both see this first. That pile of flesh that's sloughed to the ground, there's a slight bit of movement. You hear--

TALIESIN: It's not setting off Eyes of the Grave?

MATT: No, and you hear this scraping sound.

TALIESIN: I'm backing up a little bit.

MATT: As you guys notice, you can see three figures that are hunched down amongst the remnants of this skeleton.

ASHLEY: The one that we're--

MATT: Mm-hmm, right here. They look humanoid, medium sized. They're as large as a lot of your troop. Their limbs are long, clawed. You can see this black, leathery skin that wraps around the bones very tight. The head, you can see these pointed teeth that come out of an almost black and skeletal expression, pupil-less yellow eyes from underneath, and the back of the head is elongated and curves up into a singular horn. Each of them has a long, thin tail that whips and curls behind it, and they're scraping whatever flesh they can off the body, and shoveling it into their mouth. Then all three of them look over towards you at once. What little bit of light that's coming from outside flashed in their eyes. They (growl).

MARISHA: I see Caduceus and I move towards him.

TALIESIN: I'm going to tap Beau and you're about to light you up.

MATT: Roll initiative.

TALIESIN: Can I act before initiative?

MATT: As you were holding, having this conversation to get ready, they're going to charge in. We're in initiative. There's no surprise here. I'm using these as them because I don't have the actual minis for the creature.

TALIESIN: Fudgers.

LIAM: Give me a high roll. Damn it. Seven.

TALIESIN: 12. Where's my other die, man?

TRAVIS: (low-pitched) Uh, uh, uh, uh-uh!

LAURA: (singing) Uh, uh, uh, uh-uh!

LIAM: (intoning battle music) (coughing in rhythm)

TRAVIS: (singing)

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: Have you seen this demon?

MATT: 25 to 20.

MARISHA: Ew gross.

LAURA: Oh no.

MATT: 20 to 15.

MARISHA: 15? I cannot be the highest at 15! I'm the highest at 15! All right.

TALIESIN: Aw man. This is fucking up my shit.

MATT: All righty. 15 to ten.

LIAM: 13.

TALIESIN: 12.

LAURA: (as Vex) 13.

SAM: Ten.

TRAVIS: 11.

MATT: Okay, hold on, hold on.

LIAM: (gibberish)

MARISHA: Wait, what was Caleb?

LIAM: There were two 13's.

MARISHA: Caleb.

LAURA: I'm 13 as well.

LIAM: The twins got 13.

LAURA: That's why I said 13 with a British accent! I immediately went back to Vex!

TRAVIS: Fjord is 11.

MATT: Fjord at 11. Okay. Ten to five.

SAM: I was a ten.

TRAVIS: (laughs) What are you?

ASHLEY: Seven. With advantage, that was.

MATT: Wow, girl.

LAURA: Woo!

TRAVIS: Hey man, you are nothing if not consistent.

MATT: Oh, Landspeaker rolled a six.

TRAVIS: Steadfast.

LAURA: Oh jeez.

ASHLEY: (exhales) Great.

MATT: Top of the round. These creatures, after standing at staring at Caduceus and Yasha, the moment Caduceus begins to speak to Beau and put his hand back they (shrieking) and lunge towards you. Beau, you're up first. You see the movement out of the corner of your eye. What are you doing?

MARISHA: I go: What are you going to do? (repeatedly) What are you going to do?

TALIESIN: Hold touch--yeah, I'm--

MARISHA: I hold my action until Caduceus goes.

TALIESIN: Well, I was, I said the hold touch me. You need to be within--

MARISHA: No, I'm there.

MATT: You didn't have time to get that, unfortunately.

MARISHA: No, I'm there and I'm holding Caduceus and then I hold my action until after Caduceus' turn.

MATT: Yeah, okay, so you move up where around Caduceus?

MARISHA: Right there.

MATT: There?

MARISHA: Yep.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Oh gosh.

MARISHA: I'm like what's--?

TALIESIN: Fuck, man, here we go.

MATT: That finishes Beau's turn. Holding your action to do what?

MARISHA: 'Til after Caduceus' turn to attack.

MATT: Attack whatever comes by?

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: You got it. All right, now it's those creatures' turn. These lithe, demon-esque creatures all, with unnatural speed (shrieks) and leap forward. This one rushes to Yasha. This one rushes to Caduceus. This one also rushes to Caduceus.

SAM: Are those guys in there? What is that?

LAURA: From what I can see, they look like the aliens in Rick and Morty.

MARISHA: Yeah!

MATT: Against Yasha. That is going to be, it takes two attack with its claws.

TRAVIS: ♪ It takes two, baby ♪ ♪ It takes two, baby, me and you ♪

MATT: That's 14 to hit.

ASHLEY: 14 just hits.

MATT: Okay. Second attack. That's going to be 16 to hit.

ASHLEY: I took a bite.

SAM: You did?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: What's that one?

ASHLEY: I sealed it back up. It hits. Both hit.

MATT: Okay, you take seven points of slashing damage.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Another seven points of slashing damage. As it slashes into you, you look into its eyes, the shining eyes and there's a (whoosh), this green flash in your head and you feel your muscles suddenly-- go tired.

LAURA: Oh, they steal strength, they steal strength!

MATT: Make a constitution saving throw for me, please.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

LAURA: Oh god, oh god, oh god.

ASHLEY: Oh no!

LIAM: Is that a one?

ASHLEY: It's a six.

TALIESIN: Is that with constitution saving throw?

ASHLEY: Yeah. It's just straight. It's just a four and plus my plus two. Six.

MATT: Six. Okay, you feel your body like, (gasps) sap.

ASHLEY: Oh, I'm sorry. Ten.

MATT: Still a failure, unfortunately.

ASHLEY: Advantage on dex! No, you said constitution. Never mind!

MATT: Sorry. Good looking out.

ASHLEY: Just letting you know I have advantage on dex.

MATT: The two are both against Caduceus because you were one of the first to walk out there. That's going to be a 14 hit.

TALIESIN: That misses and I'm going to use that to use the Shield of Retribution on that first one.

MATT: Okay. What's it have to roll?

TALIESIN: You need to succeed a strength saving throw.

MATT: Strength saving throw. That is going to be a 20 exactly.

TALIESIN: I don't know what its saving is.

LAURA and TALIESIN: It's probably--

MATT: It's your spell DC. I'll say for now. I know this would supposed to be something in the item.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MATT: It succeeds.

TALIESIN: It does?

MATT: Yeah. It takes half damage, but it's not pushed, right?

TALIESIN: No, it still takes damage, but it's not pushed.

MATT: Okay, so we'll check on that.

TALIESIN: That sucks, but that's okay.

MATT: The other attack was a 20.

TALIESIN: That does hit.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: That takes--seven, eight.

MARISHA: Is that 20 hits?

TRAVIS: 20 hits, yeah.

TALIESIN: 18 points of force damage.

MATT: 18 points force damage. (shrieks) It pulls back and then goes in angrily and strikes you for 14 points of slashing damage.

TALIESIN: Ooh, rough. Rough.

MATT: This one glances up at you. Make a constitution saving throw.

TALIESIN: Okay.

SAM: Oh no.

TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw. Here we go. 14.

MATT: 14, okay. You do manage to shrug off whatever the effect is. You blink it out of your mind. The last one is also going to attack you twice. As Beau rushes in, it's because you were the first one to step out there, they come after you at once.

MARISHA: What do you see? Oh!

MATT: That's going to be a 12 and a 23.

TALIESIN: The 23 hits.

MATT: 23 hits. That's going to be 12 points of slashing damage.

TALIESIN: That's fine.

(shrieking)

MATT: That ends their turn. Now it is Jester and Caleb's go.

LIAM: I will go. Caleb starts walking that way and seeing three of his friends pressed up against these things. His mind quickly does the math of it and scans the dimensions of the room and bat guano and sulfur come out. A Wall of Fire appears behind these things in the space five feet over from them and forms a U that stretches back around whatever that altar or platform is so they are getting burned from behind and are stuck between fire and danger.

MATT: I will say they are probably there, right? We'll say they're on the wall right now.

LIAM: I was aiming for behind them.

SAM: No, no. They're in it.

LIAM: They're in it, okay.

MATT: If you're aiming out and you put it behind them and pushing towards them for the ten feet?

LIAM: But it damages things ten feet out and my friends are within that ten feet so I'm not--

MATT: I understand. I misunderstood you initially. My My apologies.

LIAM: Enough to toast their asses, but not my friends.

MATT: Then the U is--

TALIESIN: Nice.

MATT: You said ten feet is the range?

LIAM: Ten feet is the range. I would know to not put it within ten feet of my friends.

MATT: Correct. I'll put it there. The chamber burns. The giant corpse there is smoldering now. You can see the elements of the bones now black against the flames. The shadow of its presence giving this interesting visual as you hear the demons shriek from the pain. Roll damage. What's the saving throw for them?

LIAM: It's--digga, digga, digga--dex 17.

MATT: That is a... 24 for--no sorry. No, that is a 21 on one of them.

LIAM: That saves.

MATT: It's a seven and there it's a fail. The other one rolled well. That's another 21.

LIAM: Two successes and one fail.

MATT: Correct. The one on the side succeeded, the one in the middle failed.

LIAM: Not that great. 20 total. So 20 and ten.

MATT: All right, ten. 20. The one in the center, the one that was damaged by Caduceus is the one that also took the most amount of damage from this. (shrieking) As they're all burning, you can see the heat causing elements of their leathery body to dry out and like (hissing) this mist rises off from the corners of their shoulders. Does that finish your go, Caleb?

LIAM: That is correct.

MATT: Jester.

LAURA: Okay. Where am I? There I am. I'm going to step forward behind Caleb-ish. I mean behind Caduceus like yeah, right about there.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I'm going to close my eyes and hold out my hands and I'm going to cast Spiritual Guardians.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Ooh.

LAURA: To attack anything that isn't part of our party.

MATT: Right. That is within the range around you? What's the radius?

LAURA: That's a 15 feet radius. So I would be within 15 feet of them, hopefully. That's where I was aiming for.

MATT: If you want to get all of them you'd probably have to go there.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Then you can get them all in. Okay? You cast it. It happens at the start of their turn.

LAURA: They float around me. When you cast the spell, their speed is halved. Where the fuck does it say?

SAM: Right under that.

TRAVIS: It stays?

SAM: When a creature enters the area or starts its turn there, it must make the wisdom saving throw.

MATT: Okay, so it's on their turn that the effect happens. You got it. All right, so you cast Spirit Guardians. The cloud of somewhat spectral but happily leaping around unicorns suddenly begin to swirl around Jester giving a faint glow to the vicinity of this darkened chamber.

LAURA: Pinkish-purple beauty.

MARISHA: (giggles gleefully)

MATT: All right, is that your turn?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Caduceus, you're up.

TALIESIN: The question is do we launch the nuke now or do we want to launch the nuke later?

MARISHA: I'm holding onto you going whoa, whoa, what?

TALIESIN: I've been wanting to try something. I'm going to try this because I've been meaning to try it. Fuck it.

MATT: The creatures are in range by the way if you want to use your reaction. Are you waiting for him?

LAURA: Yes.

MARISHA: Use my reaction? I'm waiting for him.

TALIESIN: Yeah, this lasts an hour? This will be fun. We're not being sneaky anymore.

LAURA: Do it!

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Holy Weapon. Let's see how this goes.

MARISHA: What does that mean?

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: What does that mean?

TALIESIN: I'm burning a big one.

LIAM: Weapon kick ass.

SAM: It's a lollypop.

TALIESIN: It's a lollypop. So you now, you are our light source.

SAM: Uh huh.

TRAVIS: Oh!

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: Are you touching the staff or her fists?

TALIESIN: Her fists, I believe.

MATT: So, as--

TALIESIN: That's--yeah, the fists.

MATT: As Caduceus reaches out and grabs you, you watches both of your hands (whooshing) begin to give off this divine glow like a faint candlelight around you that greats brighter and brighter. Your hands feel warm almost like you placed them into a hot spring. And you can see this sparkling sheen across your flesh and every knuckle.

TALIESIN: Add 2d8 radiant to every attack.

MARISHA: What!

TRAVIS: Whoa shit!

LIAM: I only know what this means because of Lieve'Tel.

MARISHA: 2d8 radiant to every attack?

MATT: Yes.

MARISHA: (excited yelling)

LAURA: That's awesome.

MATT: It's concentration for an hour. You have it for an hour.

SAM: An hour?

MATT: Or until you lose concentration.

TALIESIN: Or, yeah and I can also-- I've got some other stuff I can do with it too but--

ASHLEY: Ooh, that's cool!

MARISHA: All right and... reaction into all my action time.

MATT: All right so you get two attacks. Get two attacks on that guy there or the one in the middle, up to you. There's the one that's been hurt really bad or the two that are-- the one that's been hurt the most and the two that have been slightly hurt.

MARISHA: Wait, who's been hurt the most?

MATT: The middle one there.

MARISHA: Uh... (stuttering) Yeah, we'll do one to the middle guy and one to the side guy. First attack. What's that, what's that? Horrible!

LIAM: It was terrible.

MARISHA: Aw, 12.

MATT: 12 misses. You're so distracted by this cool motion that you go, (grunts) and go to swing and the creature (hissing), and dodges out of the way. It's tail--

MARISHA: Hang on! One more time.

MATT: It's tail whips around and almost catches you in the cheek and you're like, (grunts)!

LAURA: No.

LIAM: She blinded herself with her own hands.

MARISHA: It's the same thing.

MATT: Oh. As you duck out of the way for its tail. It goes wide and you go to try and do another punch. It glares at you (shrieking).

MARISHA: I promise I won't disappoint you.

MATT: You try to punch it, and it's just out of range.

MARISHA: Flurry of Blows.

MATT: You can't do a bonus action. Your hold is the action you have.

MARISHA: But I have a reaction.

MATT: It's your reaction to then do the action, but you only get the bonus action on your turn.

TALIESIN: As long as I don't lose concentration.

MARISHA: I will fix this.

LIAM: (repeatedly) Next round.

MATT: That finishes your turn, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: I have a bonus action.

MATT: And a move, if you wish.

TALIESIN: And a move, but they have reactions against me if I were to move.

MATT: Probably. You have two of them that are immediately against you.

TALIESIN: Then for fun--yeah, you know, actually, I don't really have a good bonus action. I guess I'm going to--yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, there's not really any good bonus actions.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I cannot find any of my stuff so--

MATT: Okay, that finishes your turn?

TALIESIN: Yeah, that finishes my turn.

MATT: Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: I will use my movement to enter into this chamber behind Caleb and myself.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: 30 feet in.

MATT: Okay. Put you about there.

TRAVIS: Great and I will turn and send two blasts of Eldritch Blast towards the one in front of Beau and the one in front of Caduceus.

MATT: You got it.

SAM: They've been a blast!

MATT: The one in front of Caduceus?

TRAVIS: 18 to hit.

MATT: Hits.

TALIESIN: Oh that's nice, wow.

TRAVIS: That is seven, 12 points of force damage.

MATT: (shrieking)

TRAVIS: Second one.

LIAM: (singing) I got friends in eldritch places!

TRAVIS: And a 17 to hit on the second one.

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: All right, okay. That is nine points of force damage.

MATT: Nine points. The one that's in front of Caduceus is looking pretty rough.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: The other two are looking-- some wear and tear but they're still holding up okay. That finish your turn?

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: All right. That brings us to Nott and Yasha, you're on deck.

SAM: There's one that's worse then the others?

MATT: Yes, the one that's in front of Caduceus.

SAM: I will skitter towards Fjord, actually and as I run fire off a shot. I'm going to go just short of where Fjord is actually, near that basin thing.

MATT: Oh, there? Or you can move there if you want to.

SAM: (undecided) I should really... sure. Yeah, that's good.

MATT: Actually, that's as far as you can get right there.

SAM: That's fine. Fire off a shot at the one that looks the worst.

MATT: That's the one in front of Caduceus. Go for it.

SAM: Ooh, terrible. 14.

MATT: 14 misses or it hits, but you watch it glide off its leather armor. Its actual body is built to be pretty sturdy, pretty tough.

SAM: Bonus action, fire again.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Much better. 29.

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: Wow.

MATT: Because it is in melee with Caduceus you do sneak attack.

SAM: Yes! Sneak attack!

TALIESIN: Hurt it bad. Oh my god! That's just disgusting.

MATT: Rogues, man.

SAM: Oh, these are terrible.

LAURA: Yeah. That's not very good.

LIAM: That's average.

LAURA: Yeah, it's average.

SAM: 24. 24.

MATT: 24 points of damage.

(shrieking)

SAM: Still alive?

MATT: Yeah, still alive.

SAM: Damn!

MATT: You see black blood dripping out of its lower jagged broken teeth that are protruding from its skull-like face. It's still holding on.

SAM: I don't have any other bonuses or anything but--

MATT: No, you moved, action, and bonus action.

SAM: I can't see into the basin at all?

MATT: You'll have to take that next turn.

SAM: Cool.

MATT: You've just finished spending your whole turn looking forward so. You begin to turn towards the basin. That brings us now to Yasha.

ASHLEY: Ah, I would like to rage.

MATT: All right bonus action, rage.

SAM: I would like to rage.

ASHLEY: I would like to rage! I'm a little obscured by the fire flames so I can't see but, there does seem one that's bigger then the other.

MATT: I'll say right now this corpse is mostly burned away so I'll just take it out of there so you have a better chance to see.

ASHLEY: Okay.

SAM: There's one that's more hurt then the other. There's not one that's bigger than the other.

MATT: This one here is hurt the most. Both of them have been damaged a little.

ASHLEY: Okay. The one closest to me which I guess is the one that's hurt those most. Does that sound right?

MATT: Both of these are right up against you. So if you want to go for the one that's hurt the most, and there's one to your left that's--

ASHLEY: Yes, okay.

MATT: Go for it and roll an attack.

ASHLEY: Come on.

TALIESIN: That's cocked. That's weird, sorry. Yeah, I know. That might've done it.

ASHLEY: 22.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

ASHLEY: All right. (dice rattling) Let's do... (groaning) I'm going to roll those again.

MATT: Because Savage Attacker. Go for it. (dice rattling)

ASHLEY: That's better. Okay. So (counting) (dramatic music) 26.

SAM: Okay!

MATT: 26 damage. You carve through and your body is just not giving the oomph that it once did. You do damage but it's not as much as you thought.

LAURA: Ugh!

TRAVIS: Son of a bitch.

ASHLEY: Son of a biscuit! What do I--okay.

TRAVIS: Ragé!

MATT: If you like.

SAM: She's ragéing.

ASHLEY: I'm ragéing, I'm ragéing.

TRAVIS: Ragé harder.

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Okay, so I'll take my other--

SAM: And ragé and ragé.

ASHLEY: Attack. I don't have another attack?

TRAVIS: Ragé, ragé, ragé.

LIAM: Ragé.

ASHLEY: Ragé. Ragé. But I have another attack.

MATT: You do.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TALIESIN: Do we know what's wrong? Is it poison or is it--?

ASHLEY: Natural 20.

(cheering)

MATT: Definitely hits. Go ahead and roll your dice and double your dice and then add an additional 2d6. And then add an additional d6. (chattering softly)

ASHLEY: 22.

MATT: 22. Still doing not so much damage as you would hope but it is enough to cleave the creature entirely in two.

SAM: Yes!

MATT: As you take the blade in with the second strike, jam it into it's abdomen and then lift upward. (exploding) And collapses to the ground. Stumbles back a few feet. Then collapses into the wall of fire and begins to burn away.

ASHLEY: Okay.

SAM: Yes! One down.

LAURA: Go fuck yourself, chasme.

ASHLEY: Why? What's happening to me? Why I am not--why didn't it--?

MATT: Make another constitution saving throw, please.

ASHLEY: Okay.

LAURA: Another one? What?

SAM: I believe in you, Yasha!

ASHLEY: 17.

MATT: 17. Whatever sickly feeling has taken hold in your body, it fades. Your strength returns.

ASHLEY: Thank god.

TALIESIN: Bad spider. You shouldn't have eaten that spider.

ASHLEY: Yeah, maybe that's what it was.

MATT: Okay. Top of the round. That brings us to... ...the buzzing sound.

TRAVIS: What?

SAM: I thought we were fighting the buzzing sound?

TALIESIN: Oh no.

MATT: These creatures were just making growling noises. You hear (buzzing) sound that begins to echo seemingly sourcelessly from up above. As you're casting spells and doesn't really know where it's coming from and Fjord, as you finish throwing your two bolts, you glance up just in time to see something shadowy dive down from above.

LAURA and ASHLEY: Oh no.

SAM: What is that?

(yelling)

SAM: If I wasn't so scared in this moment, I would say that that monster looks ridiculous.

(laughter)

MATT: It's one of the more ridiculous-looking demons, but it's also about getting the drop on your Warlock so.

MARISHA: That Gary Busey hair.

LAURA: I straight up drew them as a joke and it looked like him!

TALIESIN: You chose the form of our destroyer. Well done.

(laughter)

MATT: The one demon of the Abyss that gets picked on the most. Trust me, it can still do some fun stuff.

TRAVIS: Oh no!

MATT: That sound is filling the space around it. It's actually going to dive down, I'll put it over here, actually.

TRAVIS: Yeah, Nott's far more an easier meal than me. Oh, I hadn't seen it from the front.

MARISHA: It's got a dick nose!

LIAM: That's the proboscis!

MATT: As it swoops down, its long, pointed, rapier-like face jams towards you. That's going to be 19 to hit.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that hits. MATT: All righty.

ASHLEY: Look at that juicy butt.

MATT: You take--

ASHLEY: I want to eat that.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh, Foster!

(laughter)

SAM: I think it's hair. The hair makes this thing--

TRAVIS: We get a peek inside the old bedroom.

MATT: Landspeaker's going after this. You take--

LIAM: Gimme dat butt.

ASHLEY: "Gimme dat butt. Liam O'Brien."

MATT: 16 points of piercing damage as it jams into your clavicle and pierces inside of you. You reach up with the other hand and try and grab it and keep it from piercing too deeply inside, but it hurts like a motherfucker.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Clavicle stabbing never feels good.

TALIESIN: No, it's about to do some sucking.

TRAVIS: What?!

MATT: You take an additional--

ASHLEY: We better not be fighting you.

LIAM: 30 points of acid strength.

MATT: 28 points of necrotic damage.

ALL: Oh!

MATT: Your hit point maximum is reduced by the same amount.

(yelling)

MARISHA: Shit!

SAM: Shit got real!

TRAVIS: Okay. Temporary minus 20.

MATT: Minus 20 hit points. Your maximum hit points are reduced by 28 and you take 28 damage.

LIAM: Are you at Caleb level?

TRAVIS: I'm at 60. Holy shit.

LIAM: Not quite! Not quite.

ASHLEY: Wait, what?

LIAM: My hit points are (descending slide whistle).

TALIESIN: 50's.

LIAM: I'm made of wet toilet paper and--

ASHLEY: Oh no!

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

MATT: That finishes its turn. It is now Landspeaker's turn. The Landspeaker, seeing the creatures come out there begins to prepare and sees the chasme fall and goes, "No, no, no!" What you hear is (speaking Giant), and brings up her staff is going to--

TALIESIN: Bring the pain.

MATT: Is going to grab one of the rocks out of the side of the satchel and chuck it straight towards it.

TALIESIN: This is what the electric swatter is for.

MATT: That is--

TALIESIN and MARISHA: (electricity crackling)

MATT: No actually, that's a 16 to hit, which does hit.

TALIESIN: Mm, good to know.

MATT: Dealing 4d10 plus six damage.

LAURA: Nice.

TALIESIN: Yeah! Way to go.

MATT: Having a giant friend is not bad.

LIAM: All tens. Here they come. Ten, ten, ten. Ten.

MATT: Close! Three sevens and a nine. That's great. So 29, 30--

LIAM: 30?

MATT: 36 points of damage to the chasme.

TALIESIN: Good friend to have.

MATT: Yeah. She is going to, after throwing it and beaming the creature. (shrieking) (buzzing) That buzzing sound.

ASHLEY: (buzzing)

TRAVIS: (laughs) (imitating Ashley) Buh!

MATT: Seeing it turn to its space and head turned up in the direction of the Landspeaker Soorna, gets that look of fear in the eyes and uses her movement to back around this corner to protect herself by reaching in and finding another boulder in her hand. Top of the round. Beau, you're up.

MARISHA: All right. I'm going to do a barrel roll and I'm going to get in between the two of these guys.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Bless you.

MARISHA: And unleash a--

MATT: Make a dexterity saving throw.

MARISHA: Why?

MATT: Because you step into the heat of the Wall of Fire.

LAURA: Oh.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: You roll and you're like, "Oh, that burns."

MARISHA: That's toasty. It's 23.

MATT: Okay, so take half damage. Roll damage on that for me.

LIAM: Oh my gosh. New damage? Okay.

MARISHA: I didn't anticipate this.

LIAM: Oh, I rolled so high.

MARISHA: Why would you say that?

LIAM: 26.

MATT: Okay, so you take 13 points of fire damage.

SAM: Worth it.

MARISHA: That's fine.

SAM: Your hands are fire.

MARISHA: I look awesome and they're glowing and I've got a Wall of Fire backlighting me.

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: Front lighting you, actually.

MATT: Generally lighting her.

MARISHA: It depends on your perspective.

MATT: That's true. From Caduceus' standpoint, it looks pretty cool.

TALIESIN: It looks pretty cool.

MARISHA: Pop pop to the one to my right first.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

MARISHA: First one, eight. 20!

MATT: 20 hits.

MARISHA: Second one, yeah, 24.

MATT: Both hit.

MARISHA: Okay. Roll both these damage. So initial, ooh yeah! 22.

MATT: Plus the 2d6--

MARISHA: Plus my 2d8.

MATT: 2d8 per attack.

MARISHA: What did I say? 22 plus--

LIAM: (gasping)

MARISHA: It's seven and eight, so 15, plus--

LIAM: 37.

MARISHA: Not as cool, eight. 45.

MATT: 45 points of damage.

MARISHA: Pop pop!

LIAM: Goddamn.

TALIESIN: Is the radiant damage doing some--

MARISHA: Stunning Strike.

MATT: Stunning Strike, okay.

LAURA: Ooh, wait, okay.

LIAM: Wicked deadly.

MARISHA: On the one. It's fine. I've got ki points to spare.

LAURA: How many ki points you get?

MARISHA: Nine.

MATT: These are considered magical attacks.

TALIESIN: Yeah, they are magical attacks.

MATT: Yeah. You don't see the radiant burning through, by any means. The splashes and divine energy with strike just flash throughout the entire chamber. It's like seeing these bursts of light with each impact. You said you're doing Stunning Strike?

MARISHA: Yep. On that one.

MATT: That's going to be a 16.

LAURA: Somebody get her some boots of haste.

MATT: What's your DC?

MARISHA: Fucking, fucking ball sacks. Save.

MATT: Okay, so it succeeds. You still have your bonus action.

MARISHA: I am going to very anime-esque concentrate the ball of holy radiant chi and I'm going to go boom boom, Ip Man-style to the one to my left.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: With a Flurry of Beaus.

TRAVIS: We'll work on the branding.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I know. It's right there.

MARISHA: 19 for one. Oh wait. That's not right. Oh, 19 and 21.

MATT: Both hit, roll damage for each. This was on the other one.

MARISHA: This is on the other one. So initial damage is ten plus nine. So 19 plus--

TRAVIS: Fuck.

SAM: Still going?

MATT: Holy Weapon and monk, man.

MARISHA: Is that a, no, that's a three.

TALIESIN: Very high level spell.

MARISHA: Plus seven. Plus seven, plus... Ooh, yeah. It's an eight and a six plus--21. Right? 21.

MATT: What was the original attack damage?

MARISHA: The original was 21 plus seven plus...

LAURA: Somebody should be writing this.

TALIESIN: I know, my brain is--

MARISHA: 21 plus seven plus, no, no.

LIAM: 20.

MARISHA: No, because I rolled two 11's combined.

LIAM: 21 plus seven is 28.

MARISHA: Plus an eight and a six for this last roll. 21 plus seven plus--

LAURA: 14.

MARISHA: 14, thank you. 21, seven, 14.

MATT: Gotcha. So 42.

MARISHA: Yeah. A Flurry of Blows.

MATT: All right so, (pummeling) to one and then (whamming) to both of them. You blast into each. They're both looking pretty hurt. You also Extracting Aspects pull from them that they are resistant to cold, fire, and lightning; as well as bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from nonmagical attacks.

MARISHA: Okay. I shout really fast.

MATT: They are immune to poison, and they cannot be poisoned. You learn that as you focus your chi in and pull out elements of their physicality and learn those facets in the back of your mind.

MARISHA: Nonmagic immune and then cold--?

MATT: Fire and lightning.

MARISHA: Fire, lightning.

MATT: Immune to poisoning.

MARISHA: And poison.

LIAM: Point of clarification.

MATT: Yes?

LIAM: For future reference, people who end their turn within ten feet of the fire wall get burned. So on a future turn, she could jump in, punch, punch, punch and jump out, risk attacks of opportunity, but escape the burn if she jumped in and out. Because the burning happens at the end of your turn if you get into it.

MATT: I think there's a "or the first time you enter it"?

TALIESIN: I know.

TRAVIS: It's a giant butane wall of fucking pain and hurt.

MARISHA: If I can, though, can I take a step--

LIAM: When the wall appears, each creature makes the throw, but then after it appears it's at the end of your-- I mean, it's barely different, but would it be at the end of Beau's turn in the future? I think right now she should burn because it's funny.

MATT: (reading) "Or when it enters the wall for the first time on their turn."

LIAM: For the first time on their turn?

MATT: Yes. So when you enter it, meaning if somebody's already in the fire, they don't take it at the top of their turn. They have a chance to leave it.

LIAM: Cool, cool, cool.

MARISHA: Can I take five feet back and not leave the range?

MATT: Yes, you can. You still take the damage, but you can back out.

MARISHA: That's fine.

MATT: That guy can take attack opportunity on you, though.

MARISHA: I said not leave the range, but that's fine.

MATT: Well, you have to if you're going to take a step back.

MARISHA: Fine.

MATT: Are you going to do it or not?

MARISHA: Yep.

TRAVIS: You'll take the attack of opportunity. Like it.

MATT: This guy's going to reach out and slice at you with his claw. And rolls an natural two. He misses.

MARISHA: Fact. Yeah.

MATT: Just slap it out of the way with your divine hand.

TRAVIS: Ow, bitch.

MATT: That finishes your turn, Beau?

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: Now it's their turn.

TRAVIS: A lot of shit happened.

TALIESIN: They take--

LAURA: Wisdom saving throw.

MATT: Yes, they do.

TALIESIN: And fire.

MATT: Two plus five, seven on one and 13 on the other.

LAURA: Ha ha, they both fail.

MATT: Roll damage.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

TALIESIN: Hurt them.

ASHLEY: ♪ Yeah yeah ♪

TRAVIS: ♪ Make them squirm in their own skin ♪

LAURA: Mm, 12 points of radiant damage.

MATT: 12 for each, nice. They're both assaulted. All the floating unicorns go (whinnying) and burst into both and piercing in different places. Like, (screeching)--

LAURA: Like if you're in one of those paint fights with the powder paint that's like poof, poof, poof. The Color Runs, that's what their called.

MATT: This one's going to move out of the flames here and move around to get in between Jester and Caduceus and stay in range with Beau. You do get an attack opportunity technically, Caduceus, if you want to swing with your staff.

TALIESIN: I do, I actually can use a spell.

MATT: Oh, because you took--

TALIESIN: War Caster.

MATT: Yeah, what are you going to do?

MARISHA: That's the best.

TALIESIN: I'm not going to do anything too fancy. I'm going to take a Sacred-- no, I can't do the Sacred Flame, can I?

MATT: It's a spell cantrip.

TALIESIN: Yeah, all right.

MATT: That rolled a... ten on its DC.

TALIESIN: No.

MATT: Roll damage. Go for it.

TALIESIN: That doesn't help. So that's-- that's pretty good. 14, 15, 16, 17, 18. That's 19 points of radiant damage.

MATT: 19 points radiant. Oof, it's looking hurt (laughs). It's like (slicing) (grunting) and it's going to unload into you, as you just blasted as it. It was going to go around towards Jester, but then as you hit it, it turns towards you and it's going to unleash both slashing attacks.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Oh, did not roll well. That's going to be a ten.

TALIESIN: No.

MATT: And a 16.

TALIESIN: No.

MATT: Yep. You knock away the shield.

TALIESIN: I'm feeling it. I've got a zone.

MATT: This one here is going to move in.

TALIESIN: Going into--yeah.

MATT: It's going to try and leave the--it's fine with fire. Fire doesn't bother it too much. It's going to-after watching you blast into its friends, it's going to go both strokes against you.

SAM: No.

MARISHA: Come at me, bro.

MATT: 23.

SAM: Come at me, Breau-regard.

MARISHA: Come at me, Beau.

MATT: 23. Two 23s in a row.

MARISHA: Okay. (repeatedly) Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MATT: The first strike is going to be 12 points of slashing damage. And ten points of slashing damage. A total of 22. (slashing) Blood splatter on the ground. It claws across one side of Beau's face and the other side goes across the arm and the shoulder tearing down. There's now this red slowly pouring out of the side and on the side of her cheek. The creature runs its dark tongue across its teeth after it gets the blood--

MARISHA: I (hissing).

MATT: (hissing) It's going to make a Weakening Gaze against you.

SAM: You're not wearing lipstick. That's just the beautiful color of your lips.

MARISHA: I woke up like this.

MATT: Constitution saving throw.

SAM: It doesn't look smeary. It looks fine.

MARISHA: I definitely smeared it on my arm. As long as it's not on my face.

SAM: No, face is fine.

ASHLEY: That would be a one.

MATT: The weakness overtakes you once more. Drained of its energy and life.

SAM: Yashly!

MATT: It's going to sit there and endure the flames for the rest of its turn. That ends its go. Jester and Caleb, you guys are up.

LIAM: I went first the last time.

LAURA: Okay, well then--

LIAM: You can take this turn.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Just reminding myself of concentration.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

LAURA: I'm going to see the dude coming down and attacking Fjord.

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: I'm going to cast Spiritual Weapon at it.

MATT: All righty.

TALIESIN: Yay, lollipop!

MATT: (whooshing) (landing) Go ahead and roll for the attack.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Okay, actually this is a valid point. I have to remember this. Fuck. Beau and Jester--

MARISHA: Yeah?

MATT: Can I have you both make a constitution saving throw for me, please?

SAM: Hmm.

MARISHA: Saving throw?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Why?

MARISHA: Yeah, why?

MATT: You'll find out.

SAM: Yours is not to know.

LIAM: Have the buggies attacked yet?

MARISHA: 18.

LAURA: God, that was almost so good. 11.

MATT: Gotcha. So 18. That buzzing sound that's filling the chamber, you're like, "Ugh," there's something about it that's getting your ear, but you shrug it off. Jester, your Spiritual Weapon does not get cast. Because as you turn to cast it that buzzing noise fills your mind, your eyes lull and you fall unconscious.

SAM: (yelling)

TRAVIS: What the fuck happened?

TALIESIN: Not zero hit points, but fall unconscious.

MATT: Just fall unconscious. You're unconscious.

LIAM: Wouldn't I have to make that same save?

MATT: When we get to your turn, yes.

LIAM: Oh, okay.

MATT: Which we do right now.

LIAM: I have a question, though. Did the three bug critters have their turn, right?

MATT: Yes, they did.

LIAM: There's one that's still in range of that fire wall.

MATT: Yes, he does, so roll damage for it.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Saving throw. Does not make it.

MARISHA: Not it was just two--why us?

LIAM: 30 total.

MATT: 30 total.

SAM: You had just moved and she was about to move. It'll probably happen to Caleb, too. When it's his turn.

LAURA: I guess whenever--

MATT: It's looking real bad. It was looking real bad (laughs).

TRAVIS: Who is?

MATT: The one that's behind Caduceus. The one that just got burned by the flames.

TRAVIS: Are they both [inaudible] or the buzzing's coming from Nosy.

MARISHA: It's got to be from Nosy face.

MATT: Wait, that was the other one, sorry. They're both looking pretty rough.

LAURA: Here's my question. Is it at the end of your turn of the beginning of your turn?

MATT: The beginning of your turn. LAURA: So--

TALIESIN: You would have not cast the--

LAURA: All the stuff that Beau did--

MATT: Would've gone back if she had not made the save.

LAURA: Got it. Okay, so I didn't even try to cast the spell, I just immediately went out.

MATT: You didn't have the opportunity, yeah.

MARISHA: Kill Nosy face.

MATT: Yeah. A creature that starts it turn within 30 feet of the chasme.

LAURA: Was it wisdom or constitution?

MATT: Constitution.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: Damn.

MATT: Jester falls. Caleb, make constitution saving throw.

LIAM: Okay so, with my transmuter's stone, I have advantage and I add my con and my proficiency.

MATT: Wait. You have advantage on it because?

LIAM: Because of the transmuter's stone.

MATT: It gives you both? You could add proficiency or advantage or both?

LIAM: D&D Beyond is saying advantage made to maintain-- oh, War Caster.

MATT: War Caster gives you to maintain spells. This isn't about that.

LIAM: What is this?

MATT: You get advantage to maintain concentration.

LIAM: Oh, okay.

MATT: You don't get it every time.

LIAM: Just constitution?

MATT: Correct. You roll constitution throw and add your proficiency bonus.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Because of your stone.

TRAVIS: This is a problem.

LIAM: 15.

MATT: You resist it, so you start your turn.

TALIESIN: Oh man.

MATT: You're like (whooshing) for a second. You're like, "Oh!" Your vision begins to go dull and you're like, "Oh god! (exhale)" You refocus and turn back towards the flames to the side.

LIAM: Looking left and right, I leave the wall up, I pull out of the adder's bladder and I draw back and loose an acid arrow towards this thing near Fjord.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: That's an attack.

MATT: Make an attack roll.

LIAM: 14.

MATT: 14 does not hit.

LIAM: It will still be a--hmm, what does it do? It takes half damage. Excuse me one second. Digga, digga, digga.

SAM: Are you unconscious or just weak?

LIAM: On a hit, target takes 4d4 acid damage immediately and 2ds for the next round. On a miss, the arrow splashes the target with acid for half as much.

MATT: Roll 2d4 acid damage.

LIAM: Yeah, and nothing on the next turn.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: That is just three.

MATT: Three acid damage. (whooshing) Which--

LIAM: Is nothing and I will, move that way just out of sight just beyond that wall. I'll hug the wall.

MATT: 15, 20, 25, 30--

LIAM: Too far. Maybe ten feet past the edge.

MATT: There?

LIAM: Yeah. That's where I will end.

MATT: Okay, cool. That ends your turn, Caleb. Caduceus, it's your turn. I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: I'm so nervous now!

TALIESIN: You should be; my constitution is not great.

MATT: (buzzing)

TALIESIN: I'm really within 30 feet of them?

MATT: You are just within 30 feet.

TALIESIN: Come on. Hey. 15.

MATT: You manage to shrug off the effects of its demonic wing beating that is causing your brain to shut down.

TALIESIN: Oh no, that's not okay. All right.

LAURA: Kill it.

TALIESIN: I'm engaged with two of these things right now, right?

MATT: Do mark, though, for Beau, Caleb, and Caduceus. You guys are immune to the effect for the next 24 hours now that you've succeeded.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: Mark that with a note.

ASHLEY: How nice.

LIAM: I'll just remember it.

MATT: What are you doing?

TALIESIN: Well, I'm engaged with these two right now, aren't I?

MATT: You are. They actually have you pincered.

TALIESIN: They have me pincered. Are they looking rough or are they not looking rough?

MATT: They're both looking pretty rough, yeah (laughs). Between Beau's bludgeoning both of them terribly and flames burning from one side, they're both looking pretty bad.

TALIESIN: Okay, there's nothing I can really do to both of them right now, is there? I'm going to do a-- I really don't have a lot of options here. I guess Sacred Flame is what I got right now.

MATT: Okay, to which one?

TALIESIN: Let's do the one to my right. The one that's actually over here--yeah, that.

MATT: This one? Okay. That's a natural 20, so it succeeds. Roll damage.

TALIESIN: He still takes half damage, right?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: All right, that's okay. Ten, 15.

MATT: 15?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah, he's done. (explosion)

SAM: Yeah!

MATT: He was hurt pretty bad and, as soon as he turned back, he kind of moved your shield out of the way, staff goes forward, you release the energy and the flames burn around it. Its leathery body suddenly begins to shrivel up and it shrieks as it crumples into a ball of ash and (whooshing) across the ground.

TALIESIN: Okay, I cannot cast a spell as a bonus action right now unless it's a cantrip, I assume.

MATT: Well no, you can because you used your Sacred Flame which is a cantrip. Bonus action you cast any spell you want.

TALIESIN: I'm going to do a little--nah, I don't know if I can wake her up. He gets an attack of opportunity also if I try and walk away from him.

MATT: He does.

TALIESIN: Um. Shizz. (dramatic music) You know what? I'm so sorry I'm taking so long. Yeah, I'm going to... Am I touching Jester or no?

MATT: You are next to her, yeah.

TALIESIN: I can't Remove Curse. That is-- Okay.

TRAVIS: Is it a curse?

TALIESIN: I'm going to try a little, just to see if it wakes her up, a little Mass Healing Word to see if it does. Oh wait, that's level--that's too big. Just a little--

ASHLEY: Regular Healing Word?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

ASHLEY: There it is.

TALIESIN: Cure Wounds. There it is. I'm just going to try and give her a quick Cure Wounds, if I can.

MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll for heal. Have you taken any damage, Jester?

LAURA: Nn-nnh.

MATT: Okay, so you released the spell?

TALIESIN: Mm hm.

MATT: She's not asleep.

TALIESIN: Just nothing? Oh, fudge. It was worth trying. Goddamn it. (sighs) MARISHA: Fuck. Fuck.

LAURA: Probably needs a Restoration or something.

MATT: Is that your turn, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: Yeah that's my, yeah I can't--

MATT: Fjord, you need to make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: (groans)

MARISHA: It's not too hard, it's not (gasps).

MATT: Natural one?

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: Fjord, you immediately just hit the ground and everything's going dark.

LIAM: Okay, need everybody to wake up. Pay attention.

TALIESIN: How the fuck do you wake up?

SAM: We're dropping like flies.

LIAM: Here we go. We are in the McGrinder right now.

MATT: That ends your turn.

LAURA: It's because we called him Gary Busey.

MATT: So, that brings us to Nott. Nott. Need you to make a constitution saving throw.

SAM: 20.

MATT: 20.

TRAVIS: Fuck that shit.

MATT: You watch as he falls to the ground unconscious, Fjord just out, and the droning hits your ears and you're like, the panicking sets in. Nah, nah. You're fine, you're fine. You got this.

SAM: Is he no longer engaged with Fjord?

MATT: Correct.

SAM: Shit! Shit balls!

MATT: Fjord is not a threat to the creature.

SAM: You shit. Fuck you, fuck shit.

(laughter)

MATT: I take so much joy provoking that from you.

(laughing)

SAM: Got to get that sneak attack. I can't just attack. Got to get that sneak. Or else it's not worth it.

TALIESIN: I was going to say that you, you can, I mean...

SAM: All right, then I'll turn and shoot the guy next to Caduceus.

MATT: Go for it. Roll for the attack.

SAM: 18.

MATT: 18 hits.

SAM: A million points of damage.

MARISHA: We cursed it. We cursed it by talking about it.

SAM: 29.

MATT: 29.

LIAM: Fuck.

MATT: (explosion)

SAM: 28.

MATT: You hit and it goes, (shrieking) It gets thrown back from the burst and the bolt throws it into the wall of fire and you watch it incinerate in the flames.

ASHLEY: Okay, those things are gone?

TALIESIN: Mm hm.

SAM: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: It's your action.

TRAVIS: Help us.

(laughs)

TRAVIS: Help.

SAM: Bonus action disengage.

MATT: Okay. Where are you going?

SAM: Run the other way. I'm going to actually step on Fjord's body and over it and keep running.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: As far as I can.

LAURA: Oh no, don't.

SAM: Hopefully maybe my stepping on him will wake him up. Wake up!

MATT: 35. There you go. And you stop at the edge of this pit, which with your dark vision looking down you can see about 15 feet down in the pit, it's just bones. Just bones and bones of all creature types. All animals and all sorts of things. You can't even at a glance make out but it a lot of bones. Some of them look very old. The smell hits you.

SAM: Okay. The bone pit. They talked about that. The smell of the bone pit.

MARISHA: The smell.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Does that finish your turn?

SAM: That's it.

MATT: All right, Yasha, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TALIESIN: Con save, or...?

MATT: You're just out of the range.

TALIESIN: No, I mean from the previous--

ASHLEY: The strength-- or is that gone because they're dead?

MATT: That happens at the end of your turn.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay.

ASHLEY: Happens at the end. Is it gone because they're dead?

MATT: Nope, the effect's still on you.

ASHLEY: Okay. Well--

MARISHA: (nervously) Okay.

ASHLEY: I can't do anything with Jester. I can try to drag her out of there. Okay. I'm going to start going to Gary Busey because...

(laughter)

MATT: There you go. You rush up towards it (grunts), dragging the weapon, go for your strikes.

TRAVIS: With a part gasp. Get it! (breathless gasp) Yes! Yes!

MARISHA: Oh no.

ASHLEY: I rolled a one.

TRAVIS: Oh!

SAM: Misfire. Your sword exploded up.

MATT: (grunt) You go to swing and the creature dodges out of the way and your blade strikes the side of the basin. (shattering) The scraping sound causes your ears just to swell up ever so slightly and you see the spark and the blade hitting the stone. The water's now disturbed and rocking. Make your second attack.

LAURA: What if our Kickstarter ends and we TPK in the same day?

TRAVIS: That would be amazing.

ASHLEY: Oh, that's great. Okay, um.

SAM: This is bad.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Any thoughts on how to wake these motherfuckers up?

ASHLEY: 26.

MATT: 26?

ASHLEY: Yeah, roll again.

TALIESIN: No, there's got to be a--

ASHLEY: I thought it was higher. Yeah. 26. It's the same.

MATT: 26 okay. That hits. Roll damage.

TALIESIN: Two down.

SAM: That's not bad. It's the Mighty Nein, so we've got seven lives, right?

ASHLEY: That's only 2d6, right? Because the divine was for the...

TRAVIS: It's the first one that hits.

MATT: Correct. Well no, no, no. It's the first one that hits. So if the first one misses the second one get the additional d6.

ASHLEY: Got it. Great. Okay so--

MATT: Like sneak attack. You can do it once per round as the first on that hits.

ASHLEY: 21.

MATT: Nice. The first one hits and the second time you swing upward and it takes the impact. Underneath its proboscis, there's this tiny little jaw that opens up, slobber pours out and elements of what was Fjord's blood spill out and spatter into the basin in the ground right next to you.

ASHLEY: Sheesh. Okay.

MATT: That ends your turn?

ASHLEY: No. Is anyone within ten feet of me?

TALIESIN: Just, uh... no.

MATT: Nope.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TALIESIN: Not conscious.

ASHLEY: I will... Let me see if this works. I'm going to poof up my--

MATT: Is that an action or a bonus action?

ASHLEY: It is a--I'm--ugh, hold on. (reading quickly) Nevermind, nevermind, nevermind it's not. Nevermind.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: It's an action. I saw bonus action, but I could end it as a bonus action. So apologies.

MATT: It's all good.

ASHLEY: I'm still raging.

MATT: Yep, still raging.

ASHLEY: Okay, so then that's it. That'll do.

MATT: That's your turn.

ASHLEY: That'll do, pig. Do I need to roll for anything?

MATT: Nope.

ASHLEY: Constitutions to be done with these things?

MATT: Nope, only at the top of your turn. The chasme's turn now. As you strike it, it's looking towards you... but it's already had a taste. (mimes attack)

TRAVIS: I'm anemic!

LAURA: Matthew Mercer!

ASHLEY: Do I get an attack of opportunity since it turned away from me?

MATT: It does because of your Sentinel. Because it's attacking somebody else in this space, I believe. With advantage, that's going to be-- I rolled a four and 19. So it's a 24 to hit.

TRAVIS: On who?

MATT: On you.

TRAVIS: Aren't I unconscious?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Natural--isn't that two failed saving throws?

SAM: You're unconscious--

TALIESIN: But you're not dead.

MATT: You're unconscious; you're not at zero hit points.

ASHLEY: You're sleepies.

TRAVIS: Sorry. Okay.

MATT: But it is an auto-crit.

TRAVIS: Okay.

TALIESIN: Can I dispel that auto-crit from where I am?

MATT: Are you in the range of it?

TALIESIN: I'm within 30 feet of him.

MATT: Yes, you can.

TALIESIN: Then I can dispel that auto-crit.

MATT: Yeah, you can! You're just within 30 feet. Okay.

TRAVIS: The second one hits. Oh.

MATT: Yeah, the second, yeah.

MARISHA: Wait. Is he depleting hit points or is he rolling for death saves now?

MATT: No death saves. He's unconscious so it's a critical hit against an unconscious creature.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay.

ASHLEY: I get to roll an attack on him?

MATT: Any attack that hits the creature is a critical hit if the attacker within five feet of the creature.

ASHLEY: I get to an attack on him?

MATT: You do, but let me roll the damage on Travis first. So it's not a critical hit because Caduceus just saved your fucking ass. You take--

MARISHA: Caddy MVP!

TRAVIS: I love that grave cleric.

MATT: 12 points of piercing damage as it pierces into your chest.

TALIESIN: That would be 24.

SAM: Here's the big roll.

MATT: Yeah, that would have been 24. Then necrotic would've been doubled, too.

LAURA: Oh my god. (dice rattling)

MARISHA: That's a lot of dice.

TALIESIN: Yep.

TRAVIS: That's not doing what I wanted.

LAURA: Did you guys see that thing where somebody--

MATT: 22 points of necrotic damage.

LAURA: --videoed all of our dice roll styles?

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: Your maximum hit points is reduced by another 22.

MARISHA: Sam's the Vegas casino--

TRAVIS: Holy shit. Okay.

MATT: Mark that. That would've been another 44 if he hadn't have stopped that.

SAM: Oh, are you alive?

TRAVIS: Barely.

LAURA: Are the points lowered by that much, then, too?

MATT: Yes. Reduced by another 22. I'm just putting it out there, you reducing that critical hit, probably saved his life because if that attack reduces him to maximum hit points, they die.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I know. We got to get him off that right away.

MATT: There would've been no death saves.

LIAM: You hear that?

SAM: You just almost died!

LIAM: You almost died. No death saves. Fuck you. Fjord gone.

MATT: Caduceus is your best friend, buddy--

MARISHA: What do you mean, what do you mean? Why, why, why?

MATT: He canceled the critical hit.

SAM: Because the hit point maximum--

LAURA: It's like Finger of Death.

SAM: --would've gone gone to zero.

TALIESIN: Mm hm.

LIAM: With the nature of what it--this thing---

MATT: So--

LIAM: Cool, cool, cool.

MATT: Go ahead and roll your damage, Yasha. Make your save, by the way--

TALIESIN: It's not her turn yet. It's still--

MATT: I know, but I mean for the previous--

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

ASHLEY: Fuck you! No. I rolled a ten.

(worried chatter)

MATT: Yeah, so you're still doing half damage.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay, okay. 16, does 16 hit?

MATT: 16 does hit. So you can roll damage on this extra reaction attack as it went after Fjord.

ASHLEY: (counting) 16 points of damage.

MATT: 16 points of damage. Half that so takes eight.

ASHLEY: (frustrated growl)

MATT: Because that effect from the Weakening Gaze. All right.

SAM: He was so good in the Buddy Holly story.

(laughter)

MATT: Now, the Landspeaker peeks up from behind and grabs another stone and chucks it at the creature shouting a curse in Giant. "(speaks in Giant)" Which you know says, "Shitface, die."

TALIESIN: Mm.

ASHLEY: Yeah, fair.

TRAVIS: Holy shit.

MATT: That's going to be--ooh, a 15 just barely hits.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Information is good. 15.

MATT: That'll be 4d10.

TRAVIS: Come on, 4d10. All tens!

MATT: Eight, nine, nine, nine. I'm not even joking.

SAM: Whoa!

MATT: You are charming your NPC allies attacks.

TRAVIS: Giant damage!

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

MARISHA: Holy shit.

TRAVIS: I'm so afraid of being beaten to a pulp.

MATT: 31 points of bludgeoning damage.

TRAVIS: Say it.

MATT: How do you want to do this?

(screaming)

MATT: Landspeaker Soorna.

SAM: The NPC.

MATT: The NPC got the How Do You Want To Do This?

TRAVIS: Thank god we aligned ourselves with some giants.

MARISHA: (groans in relief)

TALIESIN: Really I'm taking credit for this one.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: You can describe it for the giant.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Wow, that's really funny. As Landspeaker pulls around and curses and chucks the rock, you see now the bleeding proboscis of the chasme dripping off gore after piercing a second time Fjord's chest. You can see both wounds now opening, gaping. The creature spins around (buzzing) towards Yasha. It's tiny little crusty arms clawed and reaching out towards you and suddenly it (buzzing, smack), and full on splats against the side of the wall. The rock rolls off of it, hits the ground, and the creature, is this giant mess.

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: Across the stone side.

SAM: Ray!

MATT: Peels off and falls into the water basin. It's now floating in the water. You see the waters turning this dark brackish black-brown color as it's unmoving and dead.

ASHLEY: ♪ Fuck the chasme. ♪

(laughter) (applause)

TALIESIN: Yeah, is there anything coming up from that hallway or I'm--

MATT: Make a perception check.

TALIESIN: I'm making a perception check right now.

SAM: The bone ally or whatever.

TALIESIN: Natural 20.

ASHLEY: Fuck yeah.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Natural one.

(laughter)

MATT: You glance down the hallway...

TALIESIN: Mm hm.

ASHLEY: Uh oh.

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: Move this back a bit if you don't mind.

TALIESIN: We ain't done yet.

SAM: Wait, what, what?

LAURA: Somebody wake us up, please.

SAM: There's more map?

MATT: There is.

LIAM: That's super cool.

SAM: This combat is still brought to you by Dwarven Forge.

TALIESIN: How the fuck am I going to wake you up? We've got to also--

TRAVIS: We got it, we got it.

SAM: No! They have to know that this combat is sponsored by Dwarven Forge! Oh, okay.

TRAVIS: Oh god. Do we need more space?

MATT: We may.

SAM: What the fuck, Matt?

LIAM: More!

MATT: Move that back just a little bit.

LIAM: Can we touch the camera?

MARISHA: Steve? Steve?

SAM: Steve's right next to you. He's literally three feet away from you. He's literally behind you.

MARISHA: I need an adult!

LIAM: We did it! We did it!

TALIESIN: I don't like this at all.

MATT: Looking down the hallway there, Caduceus--

SAM: I'm sorry, Liam.

MATT: You see a few portions of the stone-carved walls begin to get a little more rough. You see a rather narrow entrance to a chamber across the way and the path goes into two different directions.

TALIESIN: Nothing's coming down yet?

MATT: Nothing is coming down.

TALIESIN: I don't hear anything. Has the buzzing stopped?

MATT: The buzzing has stopped.

TALIESIN: We are--I am immediately grabbing Jester, moving her to the side and trying to wake her up as I pull her aside and--

MATT: (whacking)

TALIESIN: She's out. I'm moving. Watch her. I'm running over to Fjord and I'm going to blast some healing into him.

MATT: Okay. Fjord, you are conscious by the way.

TRAVIS: I'm awake?

MATT: You wake up (gasping). The pain is what knocked you out of it. The piercing of the proboscis managed to bring you to consciousness and you're like (grunts).

TRAVIS: Oh my fucking chest.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Seeing that I run over to Jester and I go boof!

MATT: All right, roll damage.

MARISHA: I punch her.

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: Sorry, Jesty.

MATT: With the holy weapon hand.

SAM: Oh no!

MARISHA: Wait, just straight damage?

MATT: Yeah. If you're afraid--

TALIESIN: Did you hit with her like the glowing fist or like your stick or something.

MARISHA: Can I just give her a love tap?

MATT: I'll let you do it, yeah.

MARISHA: Okay, 11. 11 damage.

MATT: I'll say you can pull your punch a bit. You're not going to just, "Sorry, Jester." Whack!

MARISHA: She's a little--we'll wake her up.

MATT: Let's say elbow. You elbow her a bit.

MARISHA: I'll elbow her across the jaw.

MATT: You take a point of damage.

TRAVIS: Across the jaw.

MARISHA: She's fine.

TRAVIS: Not in the arm or in the hip.

LIAM: Not how it went with Kynan. Not how it went with Kynan.

MATT: Nope.

TALIESIN: So...

LAURA: Am I awake?

LIAM: Blood out the eyes.

MATT: Yeah, well you were going for unconsciousness on that one.

LIAM: That is absolutely true.

MATT: There's a difference between waking you up and going, "I want this guy out in one hit."

LIAM: You're 100% correct.

MATT: You come to consciousness after Beau cracks you in the face with the shoulder, with an elbow.

MARISHA: I might've broken a molar. I'm real sorry.

SAM: Beau is corrupted. Kill her!

LAURA: No! Did that really happen? Are you corrupted?

TALIESIN: How bad are you?

LAURA: What happened? I had a nightmare about a mosquito.

TRAVIS: (expressive groaning)

SAM: Fjord looks bad. He's bleeding from the ears and eyes.

ASHLEY: What's eight?

TALIESIN: Let's very quietly pull into the corner and I'm going to do a quick ten minute thing.

MATT: What corner are you pulling into?

TALIESIN: That one over there.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we are getting far away from anyone.

MATT: You guys move into this far corner.

LIAM: Caleb is crouching down and watching.

MATT: The rest of you are over here.

TALIESIN: Where's my...

SAM: As they gather, I'm going to search the giant for loot.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh Jesus.

MATT: The one over here?

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. Well, a couple things, first off. As you enter the chamber, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: Mm hm.

MATT: You notice this. Underneath one of these stone tables there's a faint glow that catches your eye. You glance over and there underneath the table, you see a jagged line drawn in the air that is slightly wide. A faint dull reddish purple glow underneath it.

TALIESIN: Can you take care of this?

LAURA: I think so, hold on.

SAM: Wait, but before you get rid of it, just examine it to see if it goes to the same place. Does it look the same as the one we saw before?

MATT: It looks--I mean, it looks like a similar tear that's aloft.

SAM: Can we see through to the other side?

MATT: Make a perception check.

SAM: Me? I'm terrible at this. 14.

LIAM: Oh, that's pretty good.

MATT: 14, you look through.

TRAVIS: (whooshing sound)

MATT: (laughs)

SAM: I don't even know if I saw the last one.

MATT: This one, it's a different perspective. What you saw previously was a dark reddish rocky interior. This side is a forest.

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: A very very deep forest.

LIAM: Oh wow.

MATT: It's odd because the trees are moving. The branches shift and what you can see is the tips of these branches are snake heads.

LAURA: What?

MATT: The branches of these trees are large snakes they're all (hissing), they all look in your direction.

TALIESIN: Close it, close it.

SAM: Close it! Close it! I don't like this. I don't like this.

LAURA: I use the Dispel Magic and I try to close her.

MATT: Roll d20 and add your wisdom modifier.

SAM: Oh shit.

TRAVIS: Do a good roll.

LAURA: Oh. Why am I rolling so bad tonight? Wisdom modifier. Ten.

MATT: Ten. Dispel Magic hits and you see it shrink slightly, but it's still holding.

ASHLEY: Can I just use Magician's Judge--?

MATT: Yes, you can.

ASHLEY: --to dispel the rest of the--

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Just roll a d20 for me.

MARISHA: Yashley!

(laughter)

ASHLEY: Do I add anything to it?

MATT: I'll tell you in a second.

ASHLEY: Natural 20.

(exclamations)

LAURA: That's much better.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Go to jail.

MATT: As Jester diminishes a part of this portal, leaving it in this somewhat, in a somewhat unstable position, Ashley steps forward, holds forth Magician's Judge.

SAM: Ashley steps (laughs)...

MATT: No, not Yasha, Ashley. (laughter) She breaks through the fourth wall. (laughter)

ASHLEY: It's Ace Ventura out of the...

(laughter)

MATT: You watch as Yasha steps forward and, much like the Eye of Thundara, takes Magician's Judge in front and focuses and concentrates. There's a flash of arcane energy off the runes that begin to glow and emanate up the front of the blade and you watch as the light focuses into a singular beam that blasts the center of this. Jester, seeing this refocuses her Dispel Magic and the combination of the two of you at once causes the rift to (crackling) (pop) and vanish.

TRAVIS: Nice.

TALIESIN: 13 hit points to you.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

TALIESIN: You. Two. I have three more to give out.

SAM: Give another one to Fjord (laughs).

MARISHA: 13?

LAURA: But he's got a max.

TRAVIS: I also feel like my normal healthy self has been diminished by--

MARISHA: Yeah, it's tough.

TRAVIS: --quite a fuck ton.

SAM: Maybe you sit out the next round.

LAURA: How do we heal that? How do we make you better, Fjord?

SAM: Can we restore? Can we restore? That's you, that's you. Come on.

LAURA: I don't have that spell.

SAM: Sure you do. Of course, all clerics prepare some sort of restoration spell.

TALIESIN: Would it be, is this a thing that would be Lesser or Greater Restoration?

MATT: Make a wisdom check for me.

LAURA: I don't think I have either.

TALIESIN: Not wisdom--

MATT: Actually, make a medicine check because you're inspecting the wounds and the corruption with it.

SAM: The literal worst.

TALIESIN: 12.

TRAVIS: I'm helping him with it because health--help me.

MATT: All right, I'll allow it.

(laughter)

MATT: I'll allow it. Usually got to say it beforehand.

TALIESIN: 20.

MATT: All right, 20.

TALIESIN: Where does it hurt?

MATT: Whatever the corruption within these wounds is, it is pretty intense. It is fiendish by nature and you gather this would probably require more than a lesser.

TALIESIN: It would be a Greater Restoration.

MATT: It would be a Greater Restoration to correct this.

TALIESIN: I don't have Greater Restoration right now.

SAM: Why don't we just sit you out for the next round of this stuff.

TRAVIS: But I want to play. No you're right, I'm going to stop.

SAM: There's nothing we can do.

ASHLEY: Stay here for the moment. We'll see what the rest of this place has and we'll come back from you.

TRAVIS: I'll make sure nobody makes it past you. How about that?

TALIESIN: Yeah. I burned my fifth already because we only have-- we have, like, 40 more minutes of you with the--

MARISHA: I could scout. I could-- I don't want to go anywhere without my captain.

TALIESIN: We should all move together but I think, yeah.

LIAM: Does Caleb hear, smell, or see anything from where he is?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LIAM: Okay.

SAM: I was checking the body.

MATT: Make a perception check as well.

LIAM: Total shit. Eight.

MATT: You don't see anything.

SAM: Perception or investigation?

MATT: Perception at first.

SAM: 16.

MATT: 16, okay. You approach the body and the body itself is torn in two. It's nowhere near as pulled apart as the other one, but there is still a good amount of flesh on this. You approach it and this little bit of light catches your eye and you're like, "Oh, is it another rift?" You look up and there's this beautiful little jellyfish. This jellyfish that emerges out of the wall like--

LAURA: (distrusting) Mm-mm.

MATT: It drifts and then touches and enters the body.

TALIESIN: No. Goddamn it.

TRAVIS: Of who? Of what?

MATT: Of the corpse. You watch the giant's head go (cracking).

SAM: Uh, guys. Guys.

MATT: And look right towards you with this terrible grin that begins to tear. Its jaw unhinges to the point where the flesh tears at the corners into this wide twisted smile.

TRAVIS: No, no.

MATT: That's we'll pick up next week.

ALL: No!

MARISHA: Why, though?

MATT: Because it's almost 11 o'clock.

LIAM: No!

TALIESIN: I'm into it. I'm into it. We cool. We cool. That's the other thing. If you go down, you're just going to get up again.

MARISHA: That was such a good game.

MATT: We're still going.

TALIESIN: I'm excited. I'm built for this room. I'm going to tear some shit up, man.

MARISHA: You can fight from a far distance, right? Like 120 is a far distance.

LIAM: That was cool.

TRAVIS: I'll pull a wizard move; get the fuck out.

MATT: (laughs)

LIAM: (like a kid) What's that thing?

MATT: It was one of the various structures that were built in this crafting room. You can see a statue that's partially made--

TALIESIN: Sometimes it's just parts.

MATT: Yeah, there's a lot of things in there that are partially made and sculpted, stone work. This room was used for stone crafting.

LIAM: (like a kid) That's a big boss. That one, Taliesin.

MATT: Could be.

LIAM: That's the fucked up boss.

TALIESIN: Is that the big boss?

MATT: So we'll pick up on this next week.

TALIESIN: That looks like the statue you move to unlock another potion.

LAURA: That's the big boy.

MATT: I will move--

SAM: Did you take a picture of where we were and stuff?

TALIESIN: Yeah, let's photograph for posterity.

MARISHA: What a game.

LIAM: Got it.

TALIESIN: I'm going to ruin everything.

LIAM: Got it.

SAM: You got it?

MATT: All right. We'll leave this here for next week. We'll take it from there. In the mean time, guys, we're going to take a little half an hour break here, get ourselves situated and then at 11:30, about 30 minutes from now, approximately. Yeah.

MARISHA: What was it now?

MATT: 34 minutes from now we're going to be closing up the Kickstarter with a countdown. Hanging out, watching the final moments to with our friend, Joel Hodgson, from Mystery Science Theater will be here with us. Super excited.

MARISHA: A friend!

MATT: I know! It's crazy to say that! What the shit is life? I don't even know. (laughter) Anyway, we'll see you guys hopefully here shortly. So (hands rubbing), because some of you have to go, and because it's the end of the episode, I'll say, thank you so much, we love you very much, and is it Thursday yet?

LIAM: Aw.

SAM: No, it's not.

MATT: Goodnight. See you soon. Like real soon.

(cheering)