Transcript:Tails of Equestria One-Shot

Pre-show
MARK: Hello, everybody! (laughter) Welcome. (laughter) Welcome to Tails of Equestria, A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic RPG one-shot here on Critical Role. I am your Game Master or Pony Master, as a certain player dubbed me earlier today. Mark Hulmes, also known as Sherlock Hulmes. I GM a show called High Rollers, which is the UK D&D show. You may also know me as Calianna from Critical Role. And after a dumb Twitter joke, I was asked to come on and do this. So here we are. I am joined by some very lovely players today. We'll start with Julie Nathanson. I'm making sure I'm pronouncing this correctly.

JULIE: You did it. You've done it. Your work here is done.

MARK: Thank you. My arch nemesis and rival from getting into the US, Liam O'Brien. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Liam Oberon.

MARK: Markeia McCarty, thank you very much for joining us as well. Did I get that right?

MARKEIA: Yes!

MARK: Yeah, okay. Good.

MARKEIA: Yes, you nailed it. No worries.

MARK: I'm nervous. Ashley Johnson, the ever lovable.

ASHLEY: The easiest name to say.

MARK: Then Mr. Roger Craig Smith.

ROGER: Thank you, Mork.

ASHLEY: Yes!

MARK: Thank you very much.

ROGER: It's Mork?

MARK: Yeah, that's right.

ROGER: Mork? Okay. It's Mork, right?

MARK: Mork Hummles.

ROGER: Mork Hoomuls?

MARK: Yeah, that's correct.

ROGER: Thank you.

MARK: We are going to be playing a game of Tails of Equestria today, a little one-shot adventure. I believe we have a little title graphic to play through as well.

ASHLEY: Ooh! (peppy pop rock music) ♪ Having fun ♪ ♪ Doo doo doo-doo doo ♪ ♪ Doo doo doo-doo doo ♪ ♪ Doo doo doo-doo doo ♪ ♪ Doo doo doo-doo doo ♪ ♪ So right (right, right) ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪ ♪ Doo doo doo-doo doo ♪ ♪ Doo doo doo-doo doo ♪ ♪ Having fun ♪ ♪ Doo doo doo-doo doo ♪

MARK: So, whilst we play, we're going to to introduce you guys to the rules as we play, because a lot of these guys are going to be playing as well for the first time. So we'll go over the rules as it happens, but shall we start with you guys introducing your pony characters?

LIAM: Just to clarify, the only person who has an ongoing My Little Pony campaign is you, Roger.

ROGER: Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, every Sunday. Yeah, I take it seriously.

ASHLEY: How many years?

ROGER: I don't want to tell you.

ASHLEY: Oh. Long time.

ROGER: If you don't know, it's like, I mean, clearly you haven't seen, like-- So we've got a Kickstarter for an animated-- (laughter) We're at $2.50.

MARK: Oh wow!

ROGER: Only another year and a half to go. We're going to hit that $7.50, you wait and see. It's going to be amazing.

ASHLEY: You'll get it.

ROGER: Yeah.

MARKEIA: Nice.

ROGER: I hear that's how it works.

MARK: Well! (laughter)

MARK: As our residential expert, clearly, Roger, why don't you kick us off?

ROGER: Oh gosh. No, I honestly think that that's just inappropriate. We have ladies first, and of all the people--

MARK: It was just such a good segue.

ROGER: -- who just emulate pony magic.

JULIE: I can't decide whether to argue against chivalry, because of feminism, or just go with it to save his ass, so all right.

MARK: You go with it.

JULIE: So.

MARK: You go for it.

JULIE: All right. So I am Countess Pi. And Pi is spelled P-I because it is for the mathematical constant, pi. If you haven't figured it out yet, I am a unicorn. Very magical. Rather kind. And I have some very special powers when it comes to counting things and all sorts of talents when it comes to circles and numbers. and all sorts of talents when it comes to circles and numbers. And circles. Oh, did I tell you about numbers? (laughter) There are a lot of numbers.

MARK: Very good. So that's Countess Pi, the unicorn.

JULIE: Mm-hmm!

MARK: Mr. Liam O'Brien.

LIAM: Hi, my name is Tomeytine. Are we, we're doing, we're telling all this stuff now?

MARK: Sure, yeah.

LIAM: Well, I like books, and I'm really good at studying. I've been through every self-help program known to ponies. Um! I kind of get hyper fixated on things a little bit. Because I, oh god, I love studying so damn much. I don't know how this game works. (laughter)

MARK: Perfect, and you are?

ASHLEY: He sounds a little familiar to me.

MARK: Yeah.

LIAM: I'm an earth pony, but I've burned no parents. (laughter)

MARK: Yay!

ASHLEY: Good job!

LIAM: Hey.

ASHLEY: You did your best.

LIAM: How to Win in Life. That's from a self-help book I got. That's number one!

ROGER: Don't burn your parents?

LIAM: Leave 'em alive. (laughter)

MARK: Wow. Markeia, please bring us some sanity back.

MARKEIA: I'm Trixie Gadgets. I am a unicorn and I love inventing. Inventing gadgets, in particular. I mean, I do have to take a lot of things apart to be able to get the gadgets that I do, but I also have a superpony complex where I kind of want to be a caped crusading superpony.

MARK: Oh, very good.

MARKEIA: I just want to help save everybody. You know, and along the way, invent the best gadgets ever.

MARK: I like it. The beginnings of pony Batman begins. I like it. Ashley.

ASHLEY: My name is Peaches Silversong. And I think this is the voice that I'm going with. I am a pegasus. I'm very big. And I play the flute. I play for Princess Celestia, Princess Luna. I play in their courts and I'm just high demand. I don't have the best direction sense when I'm flying around or needing to do things, but it's fine. And... I can't tell a lie. I have to be honest. I have to tell everybody how I'm feeling, what's going on. That's my thing. So that's-- I'm Peaches.

MARK: Peaches.

ROGER: Peaches.

MARK: Roger.

ROGER: I'm Whirlypoo! I was going for a play on whirlpool galaxy, because my cutie mark is a little galaxy, and I thought poo sounded better than pool, and, of course, I regret that now.

MARK: There is a connotation there that is, yeah.

ROGER: I like to spin really fast and throw things really far. I'm very easily distracted by anything bright in the sky. And I love laughter. (laughter)

MARK: Yeah, that sounds about right.

ROGER: I like a lot of laughter.

MARK: Okay.

LIAM: This shit is so cute I'm going to vomit.

MARK: That was the original pitch that we can get to being--

MARKEIA: I love that tagline.

MARK: -- super saccharine, yeah.

MARKEIA: Shit's so cute, it'll make you want to vomit.

LIAM: You can have that one, MLP! (laughter)

MARK: I'm sure they'll love it with all of the cursing as well.

JULIE: That'd be a bumper sticker in, like, four seconds.

MARK: So before we fully get started, there's one more thing I need to give you guys. So--

JULIE: Presents?!

MARK: -- because this is a game all about friendship and the magic of friendship, in particular, you guys are all going to get a friendship token. So these are-- You get a number of friendship tokens equal to the number of players and the Games Master, because I'm your friend, too, which I thought was quite sweet. So you guys, I'm going to give these out. I will have whatever color is left, so you can pass those around. Take one each.

LIAM: We take one?

MARK: Yeah, you each take one. And these are-- You can spend these to do a couple of things in the game. So you can spend one token of friendship to re-roll a dice. You can spend two tokens of friendship to ignore-- to re-roll dice and you get an upgrade. You get to roll a d20 instead of your normal dice, if you spend two.

ASHLEY: What?!

MARK: Then, even better, you actually get, if you spend three tokens of friendship--

LIAM: Yeah?

MARK: -- it's an automatic success. You just succeed at whatever you're trying to do. But you only get these back when you level up.

ASHLEY: So if we all collectively use three tokens together, then we--

MARK: Yes, yes. So you have to spend them, you have to decide to spend them as a group.

LIAM: So a group effort, okay.

MARK: The idea is you describe how you're working together and that's how you get your reroll or your boost and things like that, all right?

ASHLEY: Okay.

MARK: Okay.

JULIE: Luckily, I have terrible short term memory, so it's built into my character that I'd have no idea what you just said.

MARK: I'm sure it will come up and we can go over things, for Countess Pi's benefit as we get through. I think we can just kick things off, and we'll cover the rest of the mechanics as we play, right?

LIAM: Yeah.

MARKEIA: Let's do it.

LIAM: Let's do it!

Part I
MARK: So! It is another bright and cheery day in Equestria, and ponies everywhere go about their business as normal, from the breezy heights of Cloudsdale to the bustling streets of Canterlot. Five ponies in particular are busy at work. So what are you guys all doing on a regular day? What would your ponies be doing on a day-to-day basis?

LIAM: You mean for a job?

MARK: Yeah, sure, or what you might be doing at home, or how would you be spending a day in Equestria?

LIAM: Well, I work at the library, and I read a different self-help book every day, and I'm just about finished with How to Win Foals and Influence Ponies.

MARK: Very good.

LIAM: I'm rereading that one, that's not the one that I'm on right now, but I like to brush up on whatever in the past, because you can never have too many tips for life.

MARK: Very good. So that's what Tomey's doing, what about the rest of you? Who knows what they might be up to?

ASHLEY: I wake up every day and what I do is I drink my fairy dust tea, and I practice my flute. I go through my scales. ♪ (ascending arpeggiated chord lip trill) ♪ You know, get ready for my performances every night.

MARK: Okay, fantastic. You're practicing the flute, Peaches practices the flute.

ASHLEY: I practice my flute every day.

MARK: What about Trixie Gadgets? What is Trixie Gadgets do on a regular day?

MARKEIA: Trixie, more than likely, has been up since dawn. There's a lot of noise coming from her workshop. Big plume of smoke, happens a lot.

MARK: Yeah.

MARKEIA: Just a whole lot of: Ah, gadgets and bits!

MARK: Very good, I like it. Pony cursing is the best. Okay, so you're in your workshop. What about Whirlypoo?

ROGER: There's a lot of poo needs whirling. No, I'm-- I love stargazing at night.

MARK: Okay.

ROGER: But during the day, I've learned that doesn't go so well, when you stare at the nearest star during the day.

MARK: Just his binoculars.

ROGER: (screams) This is a bad idea! So I've taken to using my binoculars, which are always around my neck, to provide a function to everyone here. I go to the highest place, and I just observe. I make sure there's no danger coming to... Ponyland? I make sure there's no danger coming to... Ponyland? Ponyland. It's what I affectionately call it.

MARK: Yeah, absolutely.

ROGER: Ponyland.

MARK: You can call it whatever you like.

ROGER: One of the places you mentioned in that thing that I wasn't listening to.

JULIE: You're a peeping pony!

ROGER: Look, it's a job, all right? Somebody's got to do it.

MARK: It's a very important service he provides.

ROGER: I do have to go door to door and let everyone know that I live in their neighborhood. (laughter) Because there was a miscommunication when somebody saw me out there once.

JULIE: That oughta do it, guys. (laughter)

MARK: There we go. Never coming back.

ROGER: I'm observing! It's observing!

MARK: Okay.

ROGER: You need to close your blinds at night. Might want to get that mole looked at as well.

MARK: So Countess Pi, what does Countess Pi do? (laughter)

JULIE: Well, I have this very, very special talent where I am able to assess the quantity of anything and everything at all times. So I go from place to place. So let's see. For example, if someone might be making cupcakes, I can tell the baker: Well you've made 3,475 cupcakes, and I move right on. So anything that needs to be counted, I do it lickety-split.

MARK: So providing a service of counting to anybody, anypony in need.

JULIE: That's true. I just flit about.

MARK: Okay.

JULIE: Everybody needs me.

LIAM: Not allowed at casinos, though.

MARK: (laughs) Yeah, those pony casinos. Those Appaloosan casinos really don't like it when you come by.

LIAM: No pony counting.

JULIE: Well, that's what happens when I close my blinds. (laughter)

JULIE: What?

MARK: Well, as each of you go about your day, suspect or otherwise, you are startled by a sudden flash of purple magic--

LIAM, ASHLEY, and JULIE: Whoa!

MARK: -- as a delicate scroll appears out of thin air and drops in front of your hooves, and it bears a royal seal. Unraveling the letter, which I sadly didn't have time to bring a physical copy of, from home.

ROGER: What a gyp!

MARK: I know, I've let you down. Unfurling the scroll, it reads in very elegant handwriting: "My dear student, I hope this letter finds you well and in good spirits. I'm so sorry to disturb you, however, there's a delicate and urgent task at the royal castle of Canterlot. "My friends and I are unable to leave the Crystal Empire due to other business. You've shown me to be a capable and dependable pony, "and I would be very grateful if you could assist the royal guard with the matter. You'll be joined by several other students of mine, and I hope that working together on this task will give you all a chance to become good friends and teach each other a thing or two. When you arrive at the castle, "speak with Captain Harvest Thunder and show them this letter. They'll be expecting you. "Good luck. "I have the utmost faith in you. Princess Twilight Sparkle. JULIE and

ASHLEY: (gasp)

LIAM: Man, oh man, oh man!

ROGER: Yeah, I was wondering where your accent went.

MARK: It was like, I'm surrounded by voice actors, all right, leave me alone, okay? I'm doing my best here.

ROGER: That's not what all Americans sound like, dude.

MARK: I can't pull off Tara Strong, sadly. But yeah. You receive this letter and it bears the royal seal. And Canterlot is not too far from any of your locations to travel there.

JULIE: Did we all receive it together?

MARK: You're all separate at this point, I think maybe some of you know each other, maybe some of you have met before, but on your general day-to-day business, you each receive an individual letter. You are expected at the castle of Canterlot.

LIAM: Oh boy, well I reread mine five or six times, so I can commit it to memory, and then I head off because this is a good chance to put How to Stop Worrying and Start Galloping to use.

MARK: You don't have a talent which is a photographic memory or anything, do you?

LIAM: I'm an excellent study.

MARK: Okay, okay. Yeah, we'll keep that in. All right, fantastic. What about everyone else? Everyone else heads off as you are required? Or any preparations?

ASHLEY: I make sure I finish all of my scales.

MARK: Okay, good.

ASHLEY: I put it in my little pouch that I wear, my flute, and off I go to the castle of Canterlot.

MARK: Okay.

MARKEIA: I take a timeout to do a hoof pump because today's the day! I knew it would finally happen. In a whirl of hooves and a cloud of smoke, putting together a bunch of gadgets in my little utility belt. And then, off.

MARK: Off you go.

ROGER: Yeah, I go. (laughter)

MARK: Thanks, Roger.

ROGER: I'm going to go. It's a letter, I do what I'm told.

JULIE: I'll make sure that I have a real sense of how long the journey is going to be. So I've already calculated. It's going to be 4,297 steps to the castle. So I decide I'm going to two hoof it and I'm going to make it a long stride, so I can do that in half, which is approximately 2,242. I did not remember the number I said.

ROGER: Have you ever seen Rain Man? (laughing)

MARK: Rain Pony.

ROGER: I'm sorry, Rain Pony.

MARK: You've got to get the language down, Roger. It's very important. Yeah, so okay. Well, everybody makes their way. It doesn't take long to reach the bustling city of Canterlot, this big capital of Equestria. There are white stone buildings with gilded arches, beautifully embroidered awnings, twisted spires with flying pennants. There are various happy ponies going about their business. Many unicorns, fashionable boutiques, there's jewelry stores, fine bakeries. This is a land of culture and etiquette. Some of you may stand out a little bit more than others, but you are greeted warmly. You make your way up to the top of the city, very Minas Tirith style, built into the mountains, making your way up a winding path and set on a ledge that overlooks the land, you see the glorious castle, the royal palace of Canterlot, with its large gates and a drawbridge over a waterfall moat. You can see that there are two pegasus guards in full guard barding, so they're wearing armor. They are standing in front of the gates, watching you as you begin to approach. You see each other for the first time as well. Some of you, again, may know each other, that's up to you, but if not, then you just see a bunch of other ponies making their way alongside.

LIAM: Guard barding is such a cool term.

MARK: Yeah.

ROGER: So we all meet up at the same time?

MARK: Yeah, sure. You all basically arrive at the same time. Because that's convenient.

MARKEIA: Oh, Whirlypoo!

ROGER: Yes?

MARKEIA: How's your, I like to call it, reconnaissance been going?

ROGER: It's been going pretty good. I saw these guys way before anybody else. They're all so shiny. I don't know if you noticed. They caught my eye. That bright star up there was shining off of them. Did you guys all get the same letter by any chance?

LIAM: Oh my gosh, I got a letter!

MARKEIA: Yeah, today's letter!

ASHLEY: I got a letter, too.

ROGER: You got a letter, too?

JULIE: I received word as well.

ASHLEY: Yeah. Purple scroll.

ROGER: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Came out of nowhere.

ROGER: This Captain Harvest Thunder. Do you think that's his birth name?

ASHLEY: It is.

ROGER: Okay.

ASHLEY: It is, I believe. Have I ever met him before?

MARK: You have, and you know it's actually a lady pony. It's a female pony.

ASHLEY: Shizz!

ROGER: Oh! I'm a chauvinist! I'm a misogynistic, horrible pony.

MARK: Yeah, you've you've seen Captain Harvest Thunder before. She's a very powerfully built earth pony from Southern Equestria. She wears full armored barding and is known to be very fierce. She has a reputation that you definitely don't want to cross her.

ROGER: Wow.

ASHLEY: Yeah, she's very, very fierce. Just be very nice. Don't try any fast movement around her. Because you know, she'll really-- she'll put a stop to that.

ROGER: You think she likes music?

ASHLEY: She loves music.

ROGER: Just saying.

ASHLEY: Yeah, she does.

ROGER: I noticed the flute.

ASHLEY: Yeah. Yeah.

ROGER: Noticed the flute.

ASHLEY: It's what I do. It's a really-- I'm really good at it. (laughter)

ROGER: You're a delicate peach.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARKEIA: I'm hoping to make a position for myself. Like, they don't have a court gadgeteer.

ROGER: Oh!

ASHLEY: You could talk to them about that. I think they would be responsive--

JULIE: Perhaps we should wait until after we give the letter. I wouldn't want it to cause any ruffled manes or anything.

MARKEIA: Oh, indeed. I'd be willing to prove myself.

LIAM: I'm a little nervous. We stick to letters and numbers, the two of us. Are we going to be-- are we summoned here for the rough stuff, do you think?

ASHLEY: We should go find out.

ROGER: I'm going behind you.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MARK: So Peaches, you're going to lead the group up to these two guards?

ASHLEY: Sure.

ROGER: We're going to confront the guards, right?

LIAM: I think that's highly logical.

MARK: Okay. So as you begin making your way--

ASHLEY: I've been here many times. I'm here most nights.

MARK: So as you get about halfway across the drawbridge, you can see these two pegasus stand to attention, their wings pop out. You can see one of them is snow white with a yellow mane. A female pony, a bit more slender. The other one is a dark rusty color with a gray mane. They both appear to snap to attention. The white pony, she calls out like, Who are you guys? What are you doing here?"

ASHLEY: It's okay. Don't be alarmed. We got a letter, and we need to come in.

MARK: The other pony looks over and you can see he has a hoof near a particularly large lever that connects to a chain that connects to the drawbridge. He looks over like, "Eh, what are you saying about some sort of letter, huh?"

ASHLEY: We are here because we were requested by Princess Sparkle and Harvest Thunder to come and do some stuff.

MARK: "Oh, sure, sure, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. "Right, of course, Princess Twilight Sparkle "conjures up a bunch of ponies for no business. All right, sure.

LIAM: You could look at it yourself! We have five copies of the same thing.

JULIE: I have one as well.

MARK: Yeah," and steps a couple of paces forward. How do I know this ain't some sort of forgery here?

ASHLEY: It's definitely not. These are real.

MARKEIA: It really isn't.

JULIE: If it helps you to know, this one can't lie.

ASHLEY: I can't tell a lie at all, so I've seen you here so many times before. You know I come here. I play for you guys.

MARK: "I recognize you. "You're the flute player, right?"

ASHLEY: Yes, that's me. I'm the flautist.

MARK: "Hmm," and he brings up a hoof to scratch his chin. Why don't you as Peaches give me a charm check. So we'll use this as a great way to go over the rules on making checks.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay.

MARK: Because you're trying to convince him that you're trustworthy. So you're going to roll charm, which is a set dice on your character sheet. What number did you get?

ASHLEY: I rolled a four.

MARK: A four. Okay. He looks you over and he nods his head. He's like, "All right, yeah, Peaches, right? "Peaches Silversomething."

ASHLEY: Peaches Silversong.

MARK: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. "Well, listen, all right. "Maybe you. "You can come in. "We know you." The girl looks over. "But, like, the rest of you, "how do we know where you're not, like, "changelings or something? They've been spotted around the castle before. You could be shapeshifters. "Peaches, you're okay, though, I love your music, by the way.

ASHLEY: Thank you so much.

MARK: "That's okay."

ASHLEY: Wait, what was your name again?

MARK: "Oh, my name's Snow Singer."

ASHLEY: Snow Singer, that's right.

MARK: "I also do a little bit "of music on the side."

ASHLEY: I've heard you singing. Just in the bathroom.

MARK: "Thank you so much."

ASHLEY: And I think you're great. I think you should pursue it.

MARK: "Aww."

ROGER: Get a room! (laughter)

MARK: (as male guard) "Yeah, this one's right. "Get a room, you two, huh? Come on. "All right, but yeah, how do we know you're not changelings or nothing?"

LIAM: Oh man, this is a nightmare. We finally get our chance to go to the big leagues and we can't even get in!

ROGER: I don't even know what a changeling is. (laughing)

ROGER: Is that a baby pony's got a smell, you got a changeling? MARK He's like, "No, it's like a bug!"

JULIE: I think your brain is getting a little mixed up. First of all--

MARKEIA: Yeah, they want to take over everything.

ROGER: Oh.

JULIE: See if you can calm yourself. Don't you remember? I caught you in the library one day. You were reading Why-- what is it?

LIAM: It's the Celestang Prophecy.

JULIE: That's what it was. See if you can do some mindfulness breathing.

LIAM: Well, these days I'm onto Quadratology. I'm really working on going steer, so if I just breathe for a moment and focus on my-- Okay, I'm going to go equine. I'm going equine.

JULIE: I feel frightened.

MARK: To try and calm yourself, Liam, why don't you give me a mind check as you are using your particular talent of study and--

LIAM: Yes. My study of Quadratology?

MARK: Yeah. You can add your talent dice and whichever one rolls the highest, you can use it.

LIAM: Ooh, that's a six and a six. Or there's a one and a four. Okay, yeah, four's enough. So you manage to center yourself, you feel yourself calming. The male pony looks over, he's like, "Well, you couldn't possibly be a changeling. A changeling wouldn't have no sorta panic attack like that that, I guess. "All right, well, and also, some sort of weird books you've been reading. I don't think changelings can even read, so--"

LIAM: Guys, I think he's illiterate.

MARK: "What?"

LIAM: Nothing.

MARK: "I've got loads of litter. "I do littering all the time."

ASHLEY: Oh, I don't think that's what he means.

ROGER: Can I--

ASHLEY: He said you were illiterate.

MARK: "What does that-- what is illiterate?"

ROGER: It's like a poet, but with literature.

JULIE: It's very attractive.

MARK: "Ah, I'm real-- Yeah, I'm good at poems."

ROGER: Good, good.

ASHLEY: Oh, okay.

LIAM: Could we hear one?

MARK: "Do you want hear one right now?"

LIAM: Yeah! Just your favorite one.

MARK: "All right, okay. "Let's see here. "My name's Gail. I like to sail. It's a great dale in the vale.

ASHLEY: That was good!

ROGER: That was really good.

LIAM: All those words rhymed.

ROGER: You're amazing.

MARK: "Gee, thanks, guys. "Thanks. "You just made my day. "You know what, you guys are all right. "You can come in."

ROGER: All right!

MARK: "I'll take you. Where are you guys going? "Where do you want to go in the castle? "You want a tour?"

ASHLEY: Well, we got to go to Harvest Thunder.

MARKEIA: Captain Harvest Thunder, please.

MARK: "Oh, you want to see the captain?

ASHLEY: Yeah, because we have to assist the royal guard, according to this letter, so--

MARK: "Oh."

ASHLEY: -- you know.

MARK: "Oh, right, okay, yeah. "We need help. "Really bad. "We got no ponies around here. "So you know, any help you can provide, that's great. That's a good job.

LIAM: Yeah. Well, we're ponafide.

MARK: "All right. Well, you guys follow me, then. "I'll take you to see the captain, but you got to be on your best behavior, right? You got to, whoa-- "you don't want to mess with Harvest Thunder."

ROGER: Any suggestions? Things that irritate her?

MARK: "Yeah, loud noises."

JULIE: No loud noises.

MARK: "Incomp-- incompletence."

ROGER: Yeah?

MARKEIA: Incompetence?

MARK: "She doesn't like that one."

ASHLEY: She doesn't like that at all, okay.

MARK: "No, she don't like that."

LIAM: Not a camping fan.

MARK: "Oh, don't-- She likes brave ponies, people that really get to the action.

MARKEIA: We're the bravest ponies ever!

MARK: "Well, you're going to be great! "You're going to do great, kid. All right. We'll take you in to see. And with that, he turns, and the doors swing open, and you guys make your way through the vaulted, beautiful palace hallways of the castle here in Canterlot. (oohing)

ASHLEY: It's beautiful.

JULIE: It's so sparkly!

LIAM: Still.

MARKEIA: Oh, I could put a gadget there.

MARK: Peaches is used to it. You've been here so many times before.

ASHLEY: I'm here all the time.

MARK: All the time.

LIAM: Try not to get jaded. (laughter)

MARK: You're showing around your friends. You've been here quite a lot of times, but they're excited to be here, so you don't want to-- play it up a little. You are taken-- eventually, they lead you around the castle and you're taken into the guest wing in the northern side of the castle. At the base of an elegant grand staircase, leading up, spiraling up into the upper sections, you see this powerful female earth pony who begins descending down, and every time her hooves hit the stairs, there's this little rumble of thunder, as it's like (crashing thunder).

ROGER: (whimpering)

ASHLEY: There she is!

MARK: Long mane, braided into a plait that comes down her side and then just covered in barding, covered in armor all the way down.

MARKEIA: Wow, majestic!

MARK: Little freckles over her face. She looks around you with this imperious gaze.

ROGER: How's it going?

MARK: (cheerful drawl) "Well, howdy there, friends! "You must be the folks that Princess Twilight sent to me. Right?

JULIE: That is correct!

MARKEIA: We each got a scroll.

MARK: "Well, boy howdy, it's so great to meet you!" She comes up and shakes your hoof, and shakes your hoof. Shakes your hoof, and shakes your hoof, and shakes your hoof. "Well, it's (scoffs). "Am I glad to see you! "We're so understaffed around here and we sure do need some help. I'm just pleased to be-- "as pleased as punch."

ROGER: What do you need help with?

MARKEIA: How do we help in any way, shape or form?

LIAM: You are awfully big.

MARK: "Yep."

JULIE: You have 112 stairs.

MARK: She looks around like, "Well, I guess we do now, sure!"

ASHLEY: She's like Rain Mare.

MARK: "Rain Mare."

ASHLEY: Yeah.

ROGER: Well done.

MARK: "I think I've seen that movie."

ROGER: Well, done.

ASHLEY: It's so good. But I've realized she counts. (laughter)

MARK: She looks down at Tomeytine like, (laughs) I sure am. Well, Rain Mare and friends."

ASHLEY: But that's not her name, though.

MARK: "Oh, sorry, sorry."

ASHLEY: No, I'm sorry.

MARK: "What are your names?"

JULIE: Pleased to meet you, I'm Countess Pi.

MARK: "Countess Pi, well, it's nice to meet you, "and what about you?

LIAM: Well, I'm Tomeytine, but you can call me Tomey.

MARK: "All right, Tomey, lovely, pleasure, pleasure. "What about you?"

MARKEIA: I'm Trixie Gadgets. I put in an application to be the court gadgeteer, just, you know, saying that real quick since I'm standing right here in front of you.

MARK: "Oh, you know what? "We get a lot of applications for positions here at the palace and it's just been so busy with Princess Twilight traveling around. "You know, they're stacking up in my office. I mean, maybe by the time you get back, I might've had time to get through it. "If you can help us with this, "I'll try and speed you right to the front."

ASHLEY: Great idea.

MARKEIA: Oh, that sounds great!

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARK: "For sure. "Now obviously, Peaches, I know you."

ASHLEY: Oh, Harvey, you know me.

MARK: "Oh, it's great to see you, pal! "You're the best."

ASHLEY: I know, I've, very, very good to see you as always.

MARK: "You know, I keep hearing "rumors that all these other guard ponies "are kind of scared of me. That ain't true though, right?

ASHLEY: (throat clear) I think they're all scared of you very much.

MARK: "What?!"

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARK: "But-- Really?"

ASHLEY: Yeah, I think they just are terrified of you, which I think is so strange because I know you so well now. And-- You're very scary. I mean, in shape.

MARK: "Why don't they put it "on the feedback management forms I send out?"

ASHLEY: I think they're too scared.

MARK: "That would make sense. All right."

LIAM: Not everybody can handle a big pony like you.

JULIE: Did y'all just say pig pony?

LIAM: Big! Big.

MARK: "I don't know how to take that."

ROGER: I heard big.

LIAM: She's so muscular.

ROGER: Really big.

MARK: "Big, or-- Anyway, what was your name, little fella?

ROGER: Well, one of your not afraid guards mentioned you are not a fan of incontinence? So let's just go with my name's Whirly, and just Whirly.

MARK: "All right. I mean, I'm not a fan of incontinence, "so I guess that is true, "but nice to meet you, Whirly!"

ROGER: Okay, good! So that's my name is just Whirly.

MARK: "Sure."

ROGER: Nothing after it.

JULIE: That's amazing.

MARK: "Well, why don't I take you upstairs to, we can talk a little bit on the way about what I need your help with. "There's a little bit of a mission, a secret quest, if you want to call it that.

MARKEIA: Oh, a quest!

MARK: "But I want to see how y'all handle "a little situation first. If you don't mind. Think of it as a sort of test before we "put you into the big leagues, you know?"

ASHLEY: Give us a test!

LIAM: Lay it on us.

ASHLEY: Yep!

MARK: "All right."

MARKEIA: We will take on any mission.

MARK: "All right."

JULIE: How many questions are there?

MARK: "How many questions?"

JULIE: How many questions are there?

MARK: "Oh, this isn't that kind of test, sweetie. This is more of those kind of, what do you call them? Teamwork, problem solving kind of a phase. You haven't done any of those escape rooms?

JULIE: Well, yes, there was an escape stable that we were all playing in one day.

MARK: "Ah, good. You might have some-- it'll kind of play on that. Just imagine that with-- well, you'll see. She leads you up the stairs and down a long corridor filled with beautiful tapestries and stained glass windows beaming with sunshine. As you reach the end, you can see the outside of a doorway leading into a room, there are perhaps three or four royal guards. Earth ponies, pegasus, and unicorns.  One of them is hunched up on the floor, just trembling. Just trembling and muttering something to himself.  Another one is lying unconscious. The other one is desperately putting wet flannels on his forehead.  As you draw closer and closer, the doors burst open, and a terrified looking pegasus comes running out. She slams the doors behind her, just as a loud roar, this (roaring) echoes through the doorway. The guard slams the doors shut, presses herself against them, and just is, "(panting) It's no good! It's over! There's no way we can deal with that thing!" (sobbing) She just starts weeping.

JULIE: We need to find out what it is.

LIAM: What's in there?

ASHLEY: Is this the test?

MARK: (as Harvest Thunder) "Yup! "So why don't y'all just head in there and see if you can handle what my guards don't seem to be able to?"

LIAM: Are you going to wait out here for us?

MARK: "Sure. If things get too hairy, I'll step in. "Don't you worry."

ROGER: By too hairy, what do you mean?

ASHLEY: Very good question.

ROGER: Thank you.

MARK: "Sure is. "You'll see, Whirly."

ROGER: Is this dangerous?

JULIE: Is it fuzzy?

MARK: "It's-- yep, and yep. But you know, you guys. Princess Twilight Sparkle said you're dependable sorts. I think you'll be fine.

MARKEIA: Before we go in.

MARK: "Of course."

MARKEIA: I want to give the crying-- It was a pegasus?

MARK: She's just pressed up-- (sobbing).

MARKEIA: I have a magical cupcake dispenser, and I'd love to go ahead and just take off two of those in different flavors and give that to her.

MARK: Sure. Why don't you--

MARKEIA: I invented it.

MARK: You make a mind test and roll your gadgets. Let's see if there's any malfunctions with your gadgets.

MARKEIA: A three and two.

MARKEIA: Three, a three's okay. So you always hit the highest. So you watch as Trixie pulls out-- What does it look like, this dispenser?

MARKEIA: I pull it out of my utility belt, somehow.

MARK: Somehow, yeah, of course.

MARKEIA: Somehow, because magic. It's this giant cupcake funnel. (laughter)

MARK: So you just pour things in the top and a cupcake comes out.

MARKEIA: I just pour things into the top!

MARK: Okay.

MARKEIA: Then at the bottom, it comes out a perfectly-made cupcake.

MARK: Okay, yeah. You go over and you offer it gently to this pegasus. She looks over with mascara--

MARKEIA: It seems like you're having a bad day.

MARK: (blubbering) "The worst day!" Just starts shoving the cupcake into her mouth. (blabbering and sobbing) "There's a bear in there!"

MARKEIA: Glad to make you feel better.

ROGER: Bear? I heard bear.

JULIE: A bear?

MARKEIA: Now it's an un-bear-able day.

MARK: There it is.

ROGER: That's pretty good.

MARK: Harvest Thunder just steps up to the door and opens it with one hoof, and gestures inside. You hear another (roaring). Smash!

ROGER: Is it dark inside?

MARK: No, it's light.

ROGER: It's light.

LIAM: Can we see a problem--

ROGER: You mentioned a very--

LIAM: -- already?

MARK: You can hear it, but it's not in the visible sign of peering through this doorway. Appears to be a large guest room behind.

LIAM: Okay, this is how we need to prove ourselves, right?

MARK: (as Harvest Thunder) "Yup!"

ROGER: May I suggest something?

LIAM: Yeah!

MARKEIA: Please.

ROGER: You mentioned bright sunlight earlier. There was like--

MARK: Yeah. Yeah, there's windows and it's the middle of the day.

ROGER: What if, to distract this bear, or at least give us some time, I take my handy binoculars, turn 'em around, angle the sunlight through them, and shine it in the room, blind the bear. Just temporarily, not permanently. Temporarily blinding the bear. Buy us some time to find out--

ASHLEY: That's not a bad idea.

ROGER: -- if it's a mean bear or if it's just misunderstood.

JULIE: So it's a bear test while we're being tested with the bear?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

JULIE: All right.

ROGER: You're adorable. (laughter)

ROGER: I don't know. Is this how--

MARK: You can try.

ROGER: Is this how we do this? How do I do this? It's exactly-- I have no idea how I'm-- what I'm like: Hey everybody! (laughter) Don't listen to this for a second, Mister Pony Master.

LIAM: I think it sounds good. Lead the way, Whirlypoo!

ROGER: Okay, so I'm going to step into the room.

MARK: Okay.

ROGER: Hey, mister bear!

MARK: So you-- go on.

ASHLEY: Can I help, since this is all-- I'm also figuring some things out. As a pegasus, I can control weather?

MARK: Yes.

ASHLEY: So is it possible to maybe move some clouds around and make sure it's sunny as hell?

MARK: Yeah, you can fly outside. You can find an open window, fly outside, and then push some clouds around for sure.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I'll do that. I'll help.

MARK: Well, let's roll Peaches' stuff first, and then I'll describe what Whirly sees, Whirlypoo sees. So why don't you give me-- It'll be a body and then flying, because you've got talent of flying as a pegasus. So you roll both dice.

ASHLEY: ♪ Flying is also a talent for me. ♪ Okay.

MARK: That's a d6 for flying.

ASHLEY: Okay. A d8 for flying?

MARK: A d6.

ASHLEY: A d6.

MARK: A d6.

ASHLEY: Two d6s. Okay. A three and a one. So we'll take the three.

MARK: Three and a one. So you fly outside and it's a bright sunny day. There's a couple of clouds in the air. But you're not one of the weather team pegasus, so you're not really experienced with moving clouds as well.

ASHLEY: (heavy exhales)

MARK: You're moving it, but not as much as you would have hoped to do. You're bucking the clouds, and they puff into other smaller clouds rather than completely disappearing.

ASHLEY: Try to move them with my flute.

MARK: You blow through the flute at them.

JULIE: Might I be able to help?

MARK: Sure.

JULIE: I do have the power of telekinesis.

MARK: Sure.

JULIE: Well, then, what do I do now? (laughter)

MARK: You tell me.

ROGER: Thank you for finally asking!

MARK: So it's basically, what do you-- how are you going to use your telekinesis?

JULIE: I would like to assist in the moving of the clouds.

MARK: Okay, yeah, so you would make a mind and telekinesis.

JULIE: Mind.

MARK: So you'd roll mind and then your telekinesis dice.

JULIE: Mind is-- well, it's a two. Oh, it's a two.

MARK: Then your telekinesis is also a d6, so you can roll that as well.

JULIE: Well, that's a one.

MARK: Okay. So we see Countess Pi go up to the window, the open window that Peaches flew out. She closes her eyes and the tip of her horn begins to glow and sparkle. What could go wrong? How could something go wrong with trying to control your-- the clouds with your telekinesis?

JULIE: Apparently, some of the power that comes from the tip of my horn up here. Instead of moving the clouds, it actually summons some snow accidentally, because of the cumulonimbus-- I'll explain later.

MARK: Perfect.

JULIE: Perhaps it begins to dust us with some extra snow and I become very shivery.

MARK: So you watch as this little spark of magic pops off of her unicorn's horn. The cloud that Peaches is trying to push away, begins to turn black, and the snow begins to drift down.

ASHLEY: Whoa!

MARK: It drifts in front of the window, obscuring some of the light coming through.

JULIE: Well, who did that?

MARK: As you're trying to think.

ROGER: So I'm hosed.

MARK: So you step in and it's bright light for a moment.

ROGER: I'm toast.

MARK: You watch as you step into the room and you see, the sight that you see before you, before you say anything, Roger, just before.

ROGER: No, I'm not saying anything.

MARK: You see this large room that was--

ROGER: Because that's how this game is played!

MARK: This is how it works, this is how it works.

ROGER: I think.

MARK: It probably would have been a once really beautiful guest room, but the drapes have been shredded and torn. There is dozens of broken plates and half-eaten cakes and sweets, which have all been smeared around. The large four-poster bed has been-- all the sheets have been ripped. A pillow's been exploded all over the place. And standing next to a large pedestal with a vase is a very large, very overweight, grumpy looking bear. is a very large, very overweight, grumpy looking bear. It's holding a paw next to the vase. It turns to see you. (growl, smash) It just knocks it off and smashes it.

ROGER: It's like when a cat--

MARK: Yeah, it just like, (growls).

ROGER: Totally.

MARK: Smashes it right in front of you, and then sees you. (roaring) What would you like to do?

ASHLEY: Don't you do it.

ROGER: Trixie is still near me?

MARK: You stepped into the room. Trixie is currently outside in the corridor, I think. And Peaches is outside. And Countess Pi is by the window.

ROGER: Here's what I'm going to do.

MARK: Yeah? Yeah, I love it. This is it.

ROGER: Mister Pony Master.

MARK: Yeah!

ROGER: If that is your real name.

MARK: It's not, but sure.

ROGER: Trixie.

MARKEIA: Yes.

ROGER: I need you to make one of those magical cupcakes, stat!

MARKEIA: I can do that.

ROGER: She starts making a cupcake. I begin spinning.

MARK: Okay.

ROGER: Which is one of my talents. I'm spinning super fast.

MARK: You see as the bear starts barrelling towards you. (heavy thumping)

ROGER: I'm spinning faster. She gets the cupcake. I get possession of it as I'm spinning. I'm going to hurl this cupcake at the overweight, possibly diabetic, angry bear. I'm going to go right for his pie hole.

MARK: So you're going to try and get it in the mouth.

ROGER: I'm going to give him this magical cupcake by hurling it because my name is just Whirly.

MARK: Okay, just Whirly. Sure. So that would be-- I think we're going to make that a body.

ROGER: Body.

MARK: With your special talent of spinning.

ROGER: So what does that mean?

MARK: So that's your d6.

ROGER: That's a d6 as well.

MARK: You roll both and you choose the highest.

ROGER: No whammies. I got a six and a three.

MARK: Six and a three. Six, pretty good. A six pretty thing.

ROGER: Did I score the highest on one of these die?

MARK: Not yet. Because the d8 was a six, right? Or was the d6 a six?

ROGER: No, the six is a six.

MARK: The six was a six, okay.

ROGER: Six was a six.

MARK: So this is time to explain the exploding hoof rule.

ROGER: (fart sounds)

MARK: Which is when you roll.

ROGER: Sorry. Just Whirly.

MARK: I was warned about your farts at the beginning of this game. So when you roll--

MARK: It's the cupcake!

MARK: So when you roll the highest number on a dice, you roll the next dice up, and you keep doing that as long as you keep rolling the highest. So you would now roll another d8.

ROGER: Another d8.

MARK: Yeah, and see what you get.

ROGER: With the sixth side.

MARK: Yeah. See what you get on this one.

ROGER: I got a five.

MARK: A five. So the six is still the highest. So you don't roll any more dice, and you still keep the six as the highest dice.

ROGER: Okay.

MARK: So it's a way that you can potentially get higher and higher results if you keep getting really lucky.

ROGER: Okay.

MARK: It's a way that you can get an impossible result.

ROGER: Cool.

MARK: But you still-- You spin around. Trixie throws you the cupcake. Pumps it out, throws it to you.

ROGER: (blubbers)

MARK: Then you grab it. (whooshing) It (whooshing) right into the bear's mouth. He pauses, he skids to a halt right in front of you. (gobbles) (gulps) He swallows, and as it hits his stomach, you hear this. (growling) He clutches his stomach for a moment. (growls) (vomits) Just barf, just comes hurtling out of his mouth, completely covering you in barf.

ROGER: Lovely!

JULIE: I feel very concerned for the bear. As one of my most special qualities is kindness. As one of my most special qualities is kindness. I would, before we begin to attack the bear, no offense, with any more gadgets, cupcake or otherwise, or flutes, I do believe that it would be good to see if the bear's injured, perhaps sometimes something might be angry, so angry that it would just trash the hotel room and smash all the guitars.

MARK: Yeah, absolutely.

ROGER: And may I just say, as one of your friends who's sitting there covered in barf, I appreciate your concern for the bear in this moment.

JULIE: Thank you so much.

ROGER: Yeah, that's really nice.

JULIE: How did you get that stuff all over you?

ROGER: The bear barfed on me.

MARK: Just dripping with barf.

ASHLEY: I start making my way back inside.

MARK: So you start flying back inside. So Countess Pi, why don't you make a mind test for me? This is just going to be using your mind stat. I don't think your talent is going to apply here.

JULIE: Fi--- Wait, nope. Wrong glasses. Six. That's the top one.

MARK: Six. That's the top one. So now roll a d8. So that's the next dice side up.

JULIE: It's over here.

MARK: Yep. See what you get on that one, and if it's higher.

JULIE: No, that says seven.

MARK: Seven. Okay. So the seven's still the high number, so you keep the seven.

JULIE: Okay.

MARK: Yeah. Looking at this bear, and actually looking at all the sweets and the cakes, he's eaten way too much sugar, and he has a terrible diet. He's probably got a terrible stomachache--

JULIE: Poor baby.

MARK: -- that's made him very, very grumpy and very, very angry. He's just tearing the place apart.

JULIE: Mm-hmm.

MARK: Yeah, you are 100% certain that stomachache is the cause for this bear's discomfort.

JULIE: Poor baby.

MARK: Tomey, Trixie, what would you guys like do at this point?

LIAM: Well, maybe we should go in. It sounds like it's quieted down a little bit.

MARKEIA: Yeah, and I think that maybe all the barf is already out of the bear, so no worries there.

ROGER: I can second that.

LIAM: Okay.

ROGER: I can confirm all the barf is out of the bear.

LIAM: Creeping into the room and taking in the sights that's here, what's the bear's demeanor at this point?

MARK: So he's just finished throwing up, and he lands on all fours and he's (gags and sputters) (roaring) and he's looking grumpy and miserable and just looking around.

LIAM: Oh, hey, guy.

MARK: (growls unhappily)

LIAM: Do you speak pony?

MARK: (growls affirmatively) He nods his head.

MARKEIA: Seems like you're having kind of a bad day.

MARK: (growls affirmatively) He points at his stomach with a clawed hand.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARK: Points at Whirly. (growls frustratedly) and shoves him like--

ROGER: I deserved that.

LIAM: You know, I know that look, I've been there, suffering from extreme anxiety and/or rage. You look like you need some guidance. I pull out a little box with some wires on it. I really want to give you a P-reading. Is that okay? I start to try to attach the diodes of the P-meter onto the bear's wrists.

JULIE: Oh no! Oh no!

MARK: So! Okay. I think this is going to have to be a charm to see if the bear's going to let you do this.

ROGER: It's L. Ron Clydesdale, right? L. Ron Clydesdale?

JULIE: Can I hide behind this jewel? (laughter)

LIAM: I rolled a one. (laughter)

MARK: You take these little stick-on clippers, or whatever it is.

LIAM: Right, and I little clamp.

MARK: Then you go to grab it and just you get the nipples of this bear as he-- He's like-- There's this pause of a moment. (growls fearfully) Picks you up and goes to throw you.

JULIE: Definitely close the blinds now!

MARK: So I need you to roll a body check for me to see if you can get out of this bear's grasp before he throws you across the room.

LIAM: (screams) One.

MARK: Oh. One! (laughter)

MARK: So he picks you up over his head, (growls) throws you, you sail through the open door into the corridor, land, and skid down it along on your backside, still holding the P-reader.

LIAM: It's okay, you weren't ready!

MARK: That's going to be seven stamina you're going to lose.

ROGER: Oh no, Tomey!

LIAM: How many stamina do I have in the first place?

MARK: So you're an earth pony, right?

LIAM: Yeah.

MARK: 12.

LIAM: 12? So I'm down to five, okay.

MARK: So stamina represents, like, obviously you're not necessarily injured, but maybe you've had the wind knocked out of you, or you're a bit startled or a bit frightened of this bear that's just thrown you across the room.

LIAM: Yep, yep, yep, yep.

MARK: As the noise of Tomey hitting the floor and skidding echoes, you hear a voice coming from inside the room with the bear from inside a closet that appears to be closed. You just hear this voice of, "(posh English accent) Oh, dear, is Baubles "still causing trouble out there? Oh, he's usually very sweet. I'm not sure what's wrong with him."

ROGER: Thurston Howell? (laughter)

MARK: You don't know at this point. It's just a mysterious voice.

ROGER: Interesting.

MARK: So Trixie.

MARKEIA: Well, it's pretty obvious what's going on now. And Trixie is a problem solver with things. Well, she's going to talk to the voice and be like: How many cupcakes did you feed Baubles?

MARK: "Oh, he's been eating them all "ever since I arrived in Canterlot. He loves his sweets, my dear boy. (chuckles)

MARKEIA: That's the problem! You can't just eat sweets. You have to balance things out. That would be like me using too many sprockets when I need to put badgets in there.

MARK: "I'm afraid I don't understand what you're saying. "You can have sweets anytime you like. They just serve them. You ask for a cake and they bring you one. "Why wouldn't you eat cake all the day? No.

MARKEIA: Just because you can doesn't mean you should!

MARK: "Oh. Hmm. I guess I never thought of that. Oh, it's a shame Baubles is a bear. "He doesn't really understand. (chuckles)"

MARKEIA: Trixie wants to go up to Baubles.

MARK: (growls) He's covering his nipples now. Afraid. (growls fearfully)

ROGER: Smart bear.

ASHLEY: Those paws.

MARK: He's literally holding them like this.

MARKEIA: Baubles.

MARK: (growls inquisitively)

MARKEIA: I'm not going to do anything.

MARK: (growls affirmatively)

MARKEIA: I just want to help you. There's something new that I've been trying out. It's a way to help people eat their vegetables without even really knowing that they're eating their vegetables.

MARK: (growls cautiously)

MARKEIA: Okay? So I pull out this other funnel. It's a Pie n' Go.

MARK: Okay.

MARKEIA: But it makes vegetable pies.

MARK: Okay, sure, yeah. So you can make any pies, but you can just--

MARKEIA: Exactly.

MARK: -- put vegetables in.

JULIE: The mathematical constant?

MARK: So yeah, you hear Countess Pi from the other room just like: Hmm? Like poking her head in.

JULIE: Pi?

MARK: Yeah, sure. You're going to stuff it full of veggies or something and make a vegetable pie.

MARKEIA: Veggies and meats. Are all ponies vegetarians? Or they eat just about anything?

MARK: I think they're vegetarian, I think in the show they eat--

MARKEIA: They're vegetarian, yeah?

MARK: -- things like hay and salads and things. I'm trying to remember.

ASHLEY: It depends, I have a very advanced palate.

MARK: Yeah, Peaches, what does Peaches go for? A steak filet mignon?

ASHLEY: Steak, puffin.

MARKEIA: Puffin!

MARK: That's going to be-- that's going to be really awkward when you meet the cows of the neighboring kingdoms. You're the one that's been eating my kind!

ASHLEY: Whatever's there, I like to try it, if it's a delicacy, you know.

MARKEIA: It's going to be vegetable pie, and for sweetness, it's going to be fruits that are in it.

MARK: Okay, yeah, well--

ASHLEY: You need your fiber, Baubles.

MARK: (growls frustratedly) He groans. Give me a gadget test to see if the gadget malfunctions. So mind and then gadget.

MARKEIA: Mind and gadget. Oh, one of them's a six!

MARK: Okay is that the d6?

MARKEIA: Yes, d6.

MARK: Yeah, so you can roll a d8 and see if you get any higher.

MARKEIA: No, that one's a one.

MARK: Don't forget as well, you guys can spend your friendship tokens at any time, if you want to automatically succeed, or if you want to discard and reroll dice and things like that.

LIAM: I have a friendship token! and I throw it in from out in the hall. Is it an actual thing? Or is it metaphysical?

MARK: It's metaphysical. So how is Tomey going to help Trixie with her gadget?

LIAM: I'm going to take the P-meter and clamp it onto her machine, and I'm just going to crank it as fast as I can!

MARK: So increase the power.

LIAM: Give it extra power.

MARK: Sure, that works perfectly. So now roll a d20 instead of the d8. So you get to roll a d20 for this test.

MARKEIA: All right.

MARK: Oh, sorry just reroll it-- Sorry, because you only spent the one, right?

LIAM: Yeah, just one.

MARK: Just the one, so you just reroll the d8.

LIAM: Oh, it's not a d20.

MARKEIA: Reroll the d8. Got it.

MARK: That's my bad.

MARKEIA: No worries. Six!

MARK: Six. So the same result. But it's still enough. So with a six, it's still enough where you crank this thing and this pie scoots over and you can see Baubles like (sniffs). (groaning)

MARKEIA: See? It's so good.

MARK: (eating noisily) Just begins stuffing his mouth. But he waits for a moment and pats his tummy. (growls happily) He picks you up and wraps his big paws around you and squishes you into his fur.

MARKEIA: I'm so glad you like it!

MARK: He's like (groans) and puts you down. And he's like (growls expectantly).

MARKEIA: Oh, more?

MARK: (growls affirmatively)

MARKEIA: Oh, okay, but only so many. Your stomach is already so full.

ROGER: That's a lot of fiber.

ASHLEY: You should probably wait until you poop it all out.

MARK: (growls agreeably)

ASHLEY: Yeah. Then you can start again. I think that's the problem that you're having, you're overeating.

MARK: (growls affirmatively)

LIAM: Yeah, maybe you should go for a run around the castle. You know, just to sort of get it going through you.

MARK: (growls affirmatively)

JULIE: It would take you about 10,493 steps to get around the castle.

MARK: (growls in confusion) He just looks at you like (growls affirmatively).

LIAM: That'll help you get that dumper out.

MARKEIA: And it'll make you feel better.

MARK: He just takes off and runs out of the doorway and runs back down the stairs. There's a few startled cries from the pony guards. Harvest Thunder trots in afterwards, claps her hooves together, which is this, (bassy thudding) "Well done, friends! I was wondering how you'd deal with that grumpy bear. Who would've figured that he's been eating real bad these last few days? Must've been giving him an awful sort of stomach."

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARKEIA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: That's what happened.

LIAM: He just needed a little bit of life coaching.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARK: "Yeah."

ROGER: I'm covered in vomit!

JULIE: I'd like to telekinesis and just remove that from us.

MARK: So you tear off a piece of cloth and start wiping Whirly away. Yeah. I think, like--

LIAM: She cleaned you.

ROGER: Oh, thank you.

MARK: There's no threat or anything going wrong, I feel, so you're just wiping with the telekinesis, wiping the vomit away. But you're still--

ROGER: It tickles.

MARK: It's still that lingering smell. There's still a lingering smell for poor Whirly.

ROGER: Of course.

MARK: Yeah. But yeah, you hear that. And Harvest Thunder turns and she's like, "Marquis? "Marquis, you can come out now. He's been dealt with, and from the closet, these doors open, and a unicorn, a very tall, elegant-looking male unicorn appears. He is-- I believe he's got a pale blue coat with a silvery mane. His cutie mark is a blue gemstone-tipped scepter. As he emerges, he's like, "Oh, fantastic! What a lovely job you've all done. (laughs) Bauble is a bit of a handful, honestly. "Lovely, oh good. Well, Captain, you've done a marvelous job. You earth ponies are so dependable, aren't you? "(chuckles)"

MARKEIA: Trixie gets in his face, in his snout.

MARK: "Oh, hello there, fellow unicorn! Pleasure to meet you.

MARKEIA: You cannot treat your sidekicks like this.

MARK: "What do you mean? Bauble loves his sweeties."

MARKEIA: You're not doing it the right way. You have to take care of them!

MARK: "What do you mean?"

MARKEIA: And then they take care of you. They are your companion.

MARK: "But he loves it! "He's so happy when I give him his cakies."

MARKEIA: He also loved the vegetable pie. He'd also probably love if you would get out of the castle with him and exercise.

MARK: "Oh, exercise, I suppose I can-- Oh, maybe the guards would take him for a run. I'm afraid I don't do a lot of running myself. "I wouldn't be able to keep up with him, but that's a very good tip. Jolly good. Thank you so much. "What's your name?"

MARKEIA: I'm Trixie Gadgets.

MARK: "Oh, lovely to meet you."

MARKEIA: Soon to be court gadgeteer! Possibly.

MARK: "Oh, well, "it's very important to have an ambition, Trixie Gadgets, that's marvelous. You can call me Laz. "That's what all my friends call me. Ha ha!"

ASHLEY: Laz, what are you doing hiding in the closet?

MARK: "Lapis Lazuli."

ASHLEY: Oh, sorry.

MARK: "Yes, yes. "Technically, it's Marquis Lapis Lazuli Starbolt. But you don't need to use my full title, just Lord Lazuli or Sir Lazuli is quite acceptable. Yes. Very good job with the weather. "Is that what you pegasus here in Equestria do?

ASHLEY: It's what the pegasus here do. That's not exactly my job, but I do dabble in it when we have an emergency, when people need help, I will do it.

MARK: "Oh, very good. You're more the--"

ASHLEY: I play music.

MARK: "Music, oh."

ASHLEY: Yeah, I play music.

MARK: "Oh, you're a court entertainer."

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARK: "Oh, marvelous, marvelous, yes."

ASHLEY: Wait, why were you in the closet hiding from your pet?

MARK: "Well, Bauble was causing an awful mess, "and I didn't want him to ruin my bags "before I head back home. You're the ones who will be escorting me, I take it? Oh! Another unicorn! "Lovely to meet you, milady."

JULIE: Pleasure.

MARK: "Oh yes, what's your name?"

JULIE: My name is Countess Pi.

MARK: "Oh, call me Laz, Countess."

JULIE: Hello, Laz.

MARK: "Lovely to be in the presence of other nobility as well."

JULIE: Lovely to be in the presence of a lord.

MARK: "Oh, thank you very much. You earth ponies, you're here, you'll be joining with us as well?"

LIAM: Does a bear shit in the woods?

JULIE: Don't mind him.

MARK: "Yes?"

JULIE: He reads a lot.

LIAM: Hopefully.

MARK: "Well, he'll probably do it in the castle, I imagine. (laughs haughtily)

ASHLEY: -- going to ask where Baubles shits.

ROGER: Actually, a bear pukes in a room. Yep. So much for that saying.

MARK: "My dear unicorns. "Good little earth pony. Would you mind just going to the washroom? You're very smelly."

ROGER: I smell.

MARK: "Very terrible."

ROGER: And when it dries.

MARK: "I mean, I know that you're--"

ROGER: Your weather thing, it's a little humid now. So it gets a little--

MARK: "Yes. Well, you know, you work the land. There's not a lot of opportunities for bathing "and things, I understand, for earth ponies, yes, very good.

ROGER: I figured that out the hard way.

MARK: "Yes, well, yes, if you wouldn't mind, good chap."

ROGER: Sure thing! So to the washroom I go.

MARK: "Oh, there's a bathroom "in here. Yes, please, help yourself."

ROGER: All right, I go to the washroom. It's got one of those air-- Do I make it to the washroom? Let's find out!

MARK: Let's find out, Roger. Why don't you roll a mind for me?

ROGER: Something's going to happen on my way to the washroom?

MARK: Roll a mind dice for me.

ROGER: A mind dice. Thanks. Fricking Tomey. (laughter) What the hell, when it's up like that, it's just pointy.

ASHLEY: It's four.

MARK: It's a four.

ROGER: It's a four. I guess it's always going to be that. So it's the number at the top.

MARK: It's the number at the top, yeah.

ROGER: Oh, it's the same on all three sides.

MARK: Yeah, yeah.

ROGER: I rolled a four.

MARK: Four, yeah. This is the thing that GMs like to do, which is just making players roll dice for no real reason. Yeah. You make your way to the bathroom.

ROGER: I understand that I'm irritating the Pony Master by mocking the very nature of what we're doing.

MARK: Yeah, you make your way to the bathroom and you clean yourself up.

ROGER: I clean myself up and it's like, damn it, they've got one of those Airblade things.

MARK: Yeah.

ROGER: So you got to do two sides.

MARK: Windblades.

ROGER: Yeah, Windblades, Airblades. So it takes me a little while. I can't get my whole body. So only all four of my legs are dry at this point.

MARK: The rest of the mane and everything is still gross.

ROGER: It's matted. It's not a good look.

MARK: It's not a good look.

ROGER: Not a good look.

MARK: After Whirlypoo returns, Harvest Thunder is like, "Well, if you haven't figured by the Marquis, we need you to escort him back to his home country. There are lots of guards. "We've got people on maneuvers. There's people attending Princess Twilight Sparkle up in the Crystal Empire "We just don't have the pony power to give him a suitable escort back home. Now, the trip should be fairly easy. You're going to take the Canterlot Express train out to the west. "You're going to go through the Whitetail Woods on the train. There's a station called Pewter Point. You're going to get off there, "and then it's about a three-day hike through the mountains. Then you'll reach the Marquis' homeland, Gelderland.

LIAM: Gelderland.

MARK: "Yeah."

MARK: (as Laz) "Oh yes. "Oh, my little pony friends, "you're going to love it, love it. "My father, "I'm sure he'll have a big celebration when I come home. I can make sure Countess Pi and Trixie Gadgets-- We'll make sure we get some lovely jewelry and souvenirs to bring home. My country is very famed for its jewels and gemstones."

JULIE: I do enjoy my shinies.

MARKEIA: I do enjoy the spectrums that jewels have when I shine light through them.

MARK: "Yes, certainly. "Light through spectrums. Hmm." He has no idea what you're talking about.

LIAM: It's going to be the five of us, but Harvest, you're not able to come along for the journey?

MARK: "Sadly not, friends. "I've got a meeting with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna here. "I have to remain, so this is why-- but this is why Princess Twilight, she said that you were all very dependable and that, "well, maybe, maybe you can help teach a few things or two along the way. There's a reason--"

ROGER: Is this also a test? Is this a continuation of the test, or are we done with the test?

MARK: "We're done with the tests. "Now we'll make sure Baubles gets to the train and we'll get him hitched up in there, but I just wanted to see how you solve problems."

ROGER: Interesting.

JULIE: I think we did a mighty good job.

MARK: "You did a fantastic job, "all of you."

JULIE: Thank you so much! Stop it now.

ROGER: So we got three days to get up to Gelderland.

MARK: "Yeah. Well, you'll travel on the train. "That'll take about a day, but that should be nice and easy. Just get on the Canterlot Express, make your way straight there, "and then it's a three-day hike "through the mountains to Gelderland."

ASHLEY: Wait, why do we need to escort him?

MARK: "Well." You can see-- she's like, "Marquis, why don't you-- why don't you go get your things? "Just make sure you've got everything ready to go." He's like, "Oh, yes, very good, excellent, yes." He begins trotting his way back over to the closet. And Harvest Thunder leans in. "Well, if you hadn't told, "he's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. Also, he's the son of the Duke, Zircon, ""who rules Gelderland," so we need to make sure he gets back safe and sound. If he comes to any harm or gets in any trouble, it's going to cause all sorts of problems for Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight Sparkle."

LIAM: So like a VIP escort, I see.

MARK: "Very much so, very much so. "Now, he can be a little-- He's a very nice fella, but he is born from privilege, so you may need to work around him in some ways. He's used to a different kind of culture out in Gelderland."

ASHLEY: Sure, sure, sure.

JULIE: I believe I might be able to speak his language. I do appreciate the finer things.

MARK: "Mm, mm. "Well, if you need anything before your trip, the castle's happy to provide. We've got little packs for all of you with some supplies. "I've had our alchemists brew up some pony balms, which will make sure if you're feeling tired, it'll give you some of your energy back."

JULIE: Oh, balms!

ROGER: Balms! Like with an 'l.'

JULIE: Not bomb. (explosion)

MARK: "Pony balms."

MARKEIA: Oh, I was hoping it was pony bombs.

MARK: "Sorry. "Sometimes I slur my words a little, it's a little hard to get out. Now, a lot of folks don't think I sound "like I'm from southern Equestria, but I am, so, sometimes people can't understand the accent.

LIAM: There's a lot of layers there.

MARK: "Yeah, yeah. Also, if you need to borrow anything from the royal guards, you're more than welcome to. "We have barding, if that's something you'd be interested in, or if you need anything that you're going to-- equipment or anything like that, we're happy to provide it."

MARKEIA: I do need some basic ingredients if we're going to be going on at least a three-day hike.

MARK: "Of course, Trixie, yeah, we'd be happy to provide you with a number of any little supplies you need, cogs, gizmos, springs, any of that stuff."

MARKEIA: Oh, you speak my language.

MARK: "Well, we've heard of you, so we know. "We've had to attend to a couple of your workshop fires before."

MARKEIA: Oh, yeah. There are many of those.

MARK: Yeah.

ROGER: Request: A. Deodorant.

MARK: "Done."

ROGER: B. Armor, for all of my friends. Myself and all my friends for our journey.

MARK: "We can provide that. It should be noted that especially for some of you pegasi and the unicorns, "armor does interfere with flying and magic a little. So that's up to you if you want to take it, but you earth ponies."

ROGER: You and I were like, yeah.

LIAM: Yeah.

ROGER: Is it waterproof?

MARK: "Nope."

ROGER: Asking for a friend.

MARK: "Nope."

ROGER: I'm having a really bad day, you guys.

MARK: "Now would y'all be looking for more "lightweight barding or heavy like mine, because you need to be pretty strong if you want to be, and she stamps her hoof a couple of times.

LIAM: Well, sometimes I like to take a lot of vitamins and jump on a trampoline. So I should probably stick with really light armor, if you have it.

MARK: "All right. I can make sure we "get you a nice little set of light barding, "if that's what you're after. What about you, Mr. Spins?

ROGER: I'm going to go heavy.

MARK: "All right, all right. I think we've got something in your size.

ROGER: Time to pony up! You know what I mean?

MARK: "Yeah."

ROGER: Yeah!

MARK: "Yeah, absolutely."

ROGER: Let's go heavy!

ASHLEY: Hoo-rah!

ROGER: Yeah.

MARK: "All right."

ROGER: Bro, do you even lift?

MARK: "Oh, I lift. I lift.

ROGER: Okay.

MARK: "You want to go? "We can go."

ROGER: No, I don't, I don't. I don't.

LIAM: We are a bunch of yay-sayers, not neigh-sayers, we are in this to win it.

MARK: "Oh, very good."

ASHLEY: Say yes. Yes, and.

MARK: "Yes, and. "I like it."

ASHLEY: How about, you know, I don't know if we'll need it, but weapons?

MARK: "Yeah. If you would like to take, we have a couple of spears that you can help yourself to, royal guard spears."

ASHLEY: I'll take a spear.

MARK: I don't-- Look, they have them in the show. I don't know how they work, but they can have them.

ROGER: Rock, paper, scissors! Rock again!

LIAM: Aw, shit!

JULIE: I already have a spear on the top of my head.

MARK: "Oh, I'm sure you unicorns will be fine."

JULIE: Obviously, thank you for understanding. But I was wondering. Sometimes I do have a little difficulty remembering things. For example, where are we? I was thinking if I could have something to write things down.

MARK: "Of course."

JULIE: Or something to record. So that if there's something I have to remember, I won't forget.

MARK: "Of course you can, of course.

JULIE: Could I also have something to write things down, or record?

MARK: "Yes, ma'am, we will make sure you have something to write stuff down.

JULIE: Thank you so much.

MARK: "We'll make sure you have something to write stuff down."

JULIE: You took the words right out of my mouth.

MARK: "I thought so."

LIAM: This is where the game turns into Memento. (laughter)

MARK: Pi just has loads of scrawlings all over her. Who is the Marquis?

LIAM: Cutie marks everywhere. (laughter)

JULIE: Lapis.

MARK: Well, you guys are provided everything you asked for.

LIAM: I have one more request!

MARK: "Of course."

LIAM: I know that you have private libraries here and I don't know much about the land of Gelderland, so I was wondering if I could take a look at some of your stacks here, and learn what I can about their customs and ways.

ROGER: So smart.

MARK: "Of course you can. "Certainly, we'd be happy to provide. "I can have that delivered to the train so you can read it on the way.

LIAM: Ooh! (laughter)

MARK: "Yes?"

LIAM: That's a yes!

MARK: "That was a-- "I wasn't sure, it sounded like a good noise, "but all right. "Well, thank you. Thank you, ponies, so much. This is a huge help for the royal guard "and for the princess, especially. "But please, you've got to make sure that Lapis reaches Gelderland unharmed, and make sure you take him to see his father in Zirconia. That's their capital city. It's a three-day hike from the mountains."

JULIE: Duke Zircon from Zirconia.

MARK: "Exactly."

JULIE: I see. I had already written that down with my new implements.

ASHLEY: So Zirconia is in Gelderland.

MARK: "It is, it's the capital."

ASHLEY: It's the capital. I actually know that because I've done some weekend tours there.

ROGER: Oh, nice.

ASHLEY: Yeah. It's a cover-- We travel as a cover band.

MARK: "Well, you'll be a perfect navigator when they get into the mountains."

ASHLEY: I will.

MARK: "All right."

LIAM: What's your genre?

ASHLEY: We're a cover band of Chicago. (laughter) Do you know that band?

LIAM: Um-- Can't say I'm familiar.

ROGER: Chicago had a flute player?

ASHLEY: They did. That was-- Their lead singer, actually, played the flute.

ROGER: That's pretty good.

JULIE: That doesn't make any sense.

ASHLEY: Well--

LIAM: He sang through the flute.

ASHLEY: He sang through it.

JULIE: I see.

ASHLEY: He played two instruments at once. His voice.

ROGER: What did that sound like when he sang through the flute?

ASHLEY: Wait, what's a Chicago song? (laughter)

ROGER: Something, ♪ Oh, Chicago. ♪

MARK: Yeah, there you go.

ROGER: I'm going to get it wrong with Boston.

ASHLEY: All I'm thinking of is Africa, but that's Toto.

JULIE: All I can think is Journey songs right now. Gone. It's all Journey.

ROGER: ♪ Just a small town... pony! ♪

MARK: ♪ They bless the rains down in Gelderland ♪

ROGER: Dude, that's Weezer.

MARK: So you are all escorted down to the Canterlot Express, the train that runs across Equestria. You pass a carriage at the back where Bauble is being loaded in with lots of fruit and vegetables, upon Trixie's recommendation. Marquis Lapis Lazuli, he emerges from his closet with his several bags, but he just gestures them towards Tomey and Whirly. He's like, "Oh, gentlemen, if you wouldn't mind, please,"

LIAM: It's going to be like that, huh?

MARK: "Oh, thank you so much. "Oh, lovely, wonderful."

ROGER: I should have gone with--

MARK: "You look so spiffy."

ROGER: -- lighter weight armor.

MARK: Oh, yeah. So with the heavy barding, the bags is very tiring.

ROGER: Okay.

MARK: Doing anything physical is going to be very tiring.

ROGER: It's leg day.

MARK: It's all four leg days.

ROGER: Leg day. All four legs day.

MARK: So you make your way down to the train. You notice that his bags are full of souvenirs from Equestria, really tacky souvenirs, like t-shirts, little banners, simple little model versions of the castle. He tells you endlessly how they're gifts for his unicorn friends back in Gelderland. He goes through each one. It's very tiring.

LIAM: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

MARK: But you make your way to the train. He loads up into a private carriage, which is this beautifully decorated private train carriage. There is a television. There is a bar. There are comfortable seats. "Oh, Trixie and Pi, "you're more than welcome to join me up in here. I'm going to watch a marathon of my favorite show on the way."

MARKEIA: This is a lovely television.

MARK: "Yes, it's, yes. It's the pride of Gelderland.

MARKEIA: What is it?

ROGER: What's your favorite show?

MARK: "You want to know? Oh, I don't know if you have it here in Equestria. Mane of Thrones." (groaning)

ROGER: Yeah! Waka waka!

ASHLEY: I've heard of this show.

MARK: "Waka waka. Yes. I just hope it ends very well. I'm very excited about it.

ASHLEY: I think it will, I hear they're really just on the right path.

LIAM: Sometimes it's hard to stick the landing.

ROGER: I'm going to get a petition going for how we want that show to end.

ASHLEY: I think that's a good idea because then it will end the way you want it to.

ROGER: Because I'm owed things for my entertainment.

ASHLEY: Yes, of course.

MARK: But yeah, the invitation for his private carriage only extends to Trixie and Countess Pi. He's like,

ROGER: Yeah, we picked up on that. "Oh, yes, we'll see you at the station, then, good folk."

ASHLEY: Oh, you guys are just going to go, you're going to go on your own.

JULIE: I feel awfully torn.

MARK: "I mean, it's my carriage. "I mean, I suppose, I suppose you'd be welcome to, (stammering) if any other folk from Gelderland, when we stopped, you might need to go in the other carriage. Do you see?"

ASHLEY: Oh, oh, oh, I see, I see.

LIAM: Where's the bear at this point? Is he--

ROGER: He's in the back.

MARK: He's in a separate carriage.

LIAM: I'll ride with the bear.

MARK: "Oh yes, you can keep Bauble company, wonderful! What was your name, Timmy? Timey?

LIAM: Yeah, it's Timey. Timeyteens.

MARK: "Timey! "Timeytines! Yes, now I remember. What a lovely chap. "Thank you so much for looking after Bauble, "it's very kind of you."

LIAM: Okay!

MARK: "Yes, yes, we're good friends, yes.

LIAM: Son of a bitch.

JULIE: I feel concerned about our group splitting up right now. And while I am torn, I do like the finer things in life and would like to be in this special shiny bauble car, not with Bauble, but with the things that are shiny. But I'm a little nervous about Tomey going off on his own. Since we're all friends.

ASHLEY: Well, we can watch him.

MARK: "Oh, you're friends? I'm sorry, I didn't realize, "I just thought you were all different ponies brought together, I didn't realize you were friends."

JULIE: Well, once ponies are brought together, we're always friends.

MARK: "Oh, you Equestrian ponies are so funny, "that's very nice, isn't it? "You get along so well. Well, of course, yes, come in, come in, everyone come in, why not?"

LIAM: It's fine, you know what? I prefer, I'm just going to read to the bear on the way.

ROGER: Actually, I need to air out. So I'm going to go up top, and I'm going to keep an eye. I'm going to observe.

MARK: "On top of the train?"

ROGER: Yeah. Ride on top, keep an eye.

MARK: "While it's moving?"

ROGER: Make sure that where we're going is safe.

MARK: "All right. "What a brave. "How terribly brave of you. "What was your name again? What?

LIAM: Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

MARK: "No, I was just going to, "what was your name again, "Wally?"

ROGER: Now I'm going to run away from Captain Thunderpants.

MARK: Yeah.

ROGER: It's Whirlypoo.

MARK: "Whirlypoo."

ROGER: Yes, the L is silent.

MARK: "(laughs haughtily)"

ROGER: I know, it's a great name, right?

MARK: "That's a great name."

ROGER: He got it!

MARK: "You're so funny."

ROGER: Thanks, man.

MARK: "(laughs)" So I'm going to go up top.

ASHLEY: He also does these great spins, these little zoomies.

ROGER: I spin. Whirlies.

MARK: "He spins around?" ASHLEY and

ROGER: Yeah.

ROGER: I go through stuff.

MARK: "That's Swirly."

ROGER: But I'm going to go up top, I'm going to observe, so that I know what's coming down the track is safe.

MARKEIA: All this time, in the background, Trixie has been taking the TV apart. (laughter)

MARK: I like the idea that Trixie takes it apart, puts the frame back together again, but all the insides are taken out. And Lazuli is just like, "Oh dear, drat, the TV seems to be broken. It's not coming on.

MARKEIA: Oh no, that's horrible.

JULIE: Perhaps they took it off the air because of a cup?

MARK: "I hope not. "Oh dear. "Well, I guess-- "Board games, anyone?" MARKEIA and

JULIE: Yes!

MARK: You're on the top of the train.

ROGER: What? (laughter)

MARK: Welcome to the world of consequences, Roger.

LIAM: This is why books are superior! (laughter)

LIAM: "Awaken The Stallion Within," by Pony Robbins. Chapter one.

ASHLEY: "Pony Robbins."

ROGER: You had these chambered.

MARK: Yeah, he has.

LIAM: Sure did!

ROGER: You chambered these things, dude.

LIAM: Sure did!

MARK: He's been working on these since he emailed me about the character.

ROGER: I'm just going to yell out every now and then: Everything's fine! (laughter)

ROGER: You just do your thing, DM.

MARK: The train just chugs away. The wheels begin spinning up. You hear a blast of steam and the Pony Express makes its way out west towards and through the Whitetail Woods. These big, thick, dense forests on either side of the tracks. You occasionally glimpse these ancient rock formations with moss and ruins scattered amongst the forest themselves. You occasionally see wild animals running around. About halfway through the day, there is a moment where, I guess, Countess Pi, Trixie, Lapis Lazuli, and I guess Peaches, who was still in the main carriage. You're playing pony Monopoly or something.

ROGER: Ponopoly.

MARK: Ponopoly, thank you, Roger.

ROGER: C'mon, man, that's low-hanging fruit.

MARK: Look, okay, I'm not an improv actor, okay, Roger? Give me a break.

JULIE: If you don't mind. I prefer Monopony.

MARK: Monopony.

LIAM: Oh, wow.

MARKEIA: We love Monopony.

MARK: Schooled. Schooled. Whilst Tomey is reading to the bear, pretty much most of the way through.

LIAM: And in conclusion, don't take my word for it. You have to plant the first hoof.

MARK: (affirmative growling) The bear just nods along, engrossed. (laughter)

MARK: And Whirly, while you're on the top. You see it first.

ROGER: Yeah?

MARK: You see the ground beginning to shake, and an earthquake rumbles down the tracks, this earthquake around the whole area. Make a body test for me, would you please, Whirly? As you are currently in very heavy barding on top of a moving train as an earthquake hits.

ROGER: Earthquake hits. And I need to warn my friends. Right?

MARK: Sure.

ROGER: Oh man. Like a body test?

MARK: Yeah, yeah. Unless you can think of something that you want to do. If you can think of anything. If not, you're just going to roll that body test on its own.

ROGER: No.

MARK: Yeah.

ROGER: No, no. Here's what I'm going to do.

MARK: Yeah?

ROGER: Okay. So an earthquake's not so good for a train?

MARK: Uh-huh. I got all this heavy armor on, which I'm regretting.

MARK: Okay.

ROGER: So here's my body test. I'm going to spin super fast, and-- hang on! Going to spin super fast. I'm going to fling off the armor on the front of the train. It's going to hit the tracks and stop the train before the earthquake hits us.

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

ROGER: So it's an emergency stop of the train--

MARK: Okay.

ROGER: -- with my armor, which I need to get off anyway.

MARK: Just so you know, Roger, I'm not your enemy.

ROGER: It feels contentious! It feels contentious.

MARK: You don't need to be like, Here's your body test! We're working together on this, buddy.

ROGER: You want to catch me, man.

MARK: No, we're going to work together.

ROGER: You've had it out for me since early on in the game.

MARK: So body and your talent.

ROGER: Body and talent.

MARK: Both of them together.

ROGER: So I got to do--

MARK: d8 and d6.

LIAM: You're trying to stop me from winning My Little Pony!

MARK: "What are you doing, man?"

MARKEIA: Do you even pony, bro? ROGER and

JULIE: Do you even pony, bro?

ROGER: Right, both. Oh boy, I got a one and a three. Got a one on the six.

MARK: And a three?

ROGER: A three.

MARK: So you begin spinning, and some parts of the armor come flying off.

ROGER: Okay.

MARK: But you don't have the aim to get them in front of the track, and one of the boots--

ROGER: Dagnabbit.

MARK: -- gets stuck and you can't quite throw it off. By the time the earthquake hits, you're (groans) shaken, and you fall off the side. You're going to take three points of stamina.

ROGER: Dang it! So my current stamina is--

MARK: The rest of you, the carriage is just shaken apart. The game goes flying. You and Bauble are thrown around together.

LIAM: My book!

MARK: The train gets, not derailed, but it comes to a grinding halt, as some of the track gets messed up in front of you. This earthquake just obliterates the area, You can see all the earth has been churned up. Some of the rock formations in the forest have been split open and these big caves leading down into the ground.

LIAM: Whoa!

ASHLEY: Whuh-oh.

LIAM: Is everybody okay?

MARK: "Oh my goodness. "What on earth was that?"

ASHLEY: What was it? I want to go outside and investigate.

ROGER: There was an earthquake, I can tell you from up here.

ASHLEY: Oh no!

MARKEIA: He's stuck in the ground.

MARK: Yeah, you see stuck his head in the ground with his little legs sticking up.

ROGER: (mumbled speech)

MARK: "Oh dear, your little Whirly friend, "he's stuck in the ground! "That's terrible!"

LIAM: What do your pony eyes see, Whirlypoo?

ROGER: (mumbled) You got to get me out of here!

ASHLEY: I'm going to try to pull him out.

MARK: You just step off the train. Yeah, you just pull him out, fwoomp. He comes flying up.

ROGER: Oh, thanks.

ASHLEY: Are you okay?

JULIE: Is anypony injured?

MARKEIA: I think everybody's all right.

ASHLEY: I'm all right.

MARK: "Oh yes, I'm terribly fine, oh, awful. "Although, they did break my Monopopony set, oh dear."

JULIE: Thank you for going with my term.

MARK: "Well, I didn't hear the other one. I didn't know if there was somewhere else."

ROGER: Ponopoly was the other one.

MARK: "Oh, it was? Oh, yes, yes, yes. "He came up with one, didn't he?"

MARKEIA: The chambers were surprisingly cushioned.

JULIE: They were.

MARK: So yeah, so you pull him up.

ROGER: So we're not going anywhere now.

MARK: The train tracks seem to all been broken up, they're fixable, and the engineer pony, this big older pony, with a big gray mustache comes out. "Well! "It looks like these tracks need to be getting "a good fixing going on here. It's going to take me a bit of time, so I hope everybody gets a-comfortable."

MARKEIA: Well, yeah. Well, if you need anything.

MARK: "Y'all hear me?"

MARKEIA: We hear you.

ASHLEY: How much time do you think you need?

MARK: "Oh, it's going to be a few hours, I reckon."

LIAM: Whoa!

MARK: "Unless--"

LIAM: What if our friend helped out?

MARKEIA: I could definitely!

ASHLEY: She's very good at this type of thing.

MARKEIA: I could definitely help.

MARK: "Oh, I welcome the help, little unicorn, that'd be mighty fine!

ASHLEY: (gasps)

MARKEIA: Excellent. Just show me where the brake is.

MARK: "All right."

MARKEIA: I'll see if I have a gadget that can help cut down some of that time.

MARK: "That sounds good. "I got some tools up in my carriage in the front, too."

MARKEIA: Oh.

MARK: He leads you to the thing. Yeah, you look at the tracks, and you can see that they've been twisted and bent a little bit. With some of your gadgets, you might be able to right them, maybe bend them back into shape and things like that using gadgetry and gizmos. But for the rest of you, while Trixie goes to do that, from one of these rock formations where this cave is opened up and split. Whirly, you see it first.

ROGER: Shiny.

MARK: Yeah, you see something glitters for a second. Then the glittering--

ROGER: I like shiny.

MARK: The glittering blinks.

ROGER: Precious. (laughter)

MARK: Then a couple more shinies poke out.

ROGER: Okay.

MARK: And then a few more.

ROGER: Yeah.

MARK: Then scurrying out of this rock cave come these little rock dogs, and they're all different breeds. So you get little Pomeranian rocks. You get a couple of Husky rocks, a couple of Saint Bernard rocks, these bigger dogs. They come out. (barks aggressively) They begin barking and howling at everybody around. They're harassing you guys as you're around. So how are you going to deal with this as it looks like they're going to start nipping at you guys.

LIAM: It's so cute, it's so cute!

JULIE: They are cute. They are also barking at us. So before we get close to them and pet them unintelligently, perhaps we should use the power of telekinesis, and take some of those rocks, and build a wall in front of all the puppies.

MARK: Yeah, sure. Yeah, you can absolutely do that.

ROGER: It's like a dog run.

JULIE: Like a dog run.

ASHLEY: Give them a pen.

MARK: Yeah, I'd say-- so mind and telekinesis.

JULIE: All right. So I'll do mind first.

MARK: You can roll them both at the same time as well if you want to.

JULIE: I could. But I did not, that's a six for mind.

MARK: See if you get another six just in case.

JULIE: And I got a three.

MARK: Okay, well, because you rolled the maximum dice, you get to roll a d8 and see if you get a higher result.

JULIE: Just kidding. Hold on, you're prettiest.

MARK: (laughs) That's very important for this game, I feel.

JULIE: It really is. (drumming sounds off-camera)

ROGER: Drum solo.

JULIE: Four.

MARK: A four. So the six was the highest.

JULIE: Six was the highest.

MARK: Yeah. So you begin piling up rocks and it blocks off maybe, say, three or four of the smaller rock dogs. But a couple ones, like a big Doberman rock dog and a Greyhound rock dog, and a Saint Bernard just leap over and as they land, they start snarling. (growling and barking) You can see their rocky forms begin chipping away and grating on each other with stone. When they see Marquis Lazuli, they get very aggressive and they start moving towards him. (barking aggressively) Barking, so he's like, "Oh! "What are you doing?"

LIAM: Oh, Baubles, Baubles, we need you out here! The pie maker-- your pie giver is going to be eaten up, come on!

MARK: So you're going to try and call Baubles to try and help? Okay.

LIAM: Baubles.

MARK: Give me a charm check.

ROGER: Release the bear!

LIAM: That's a four.

MARK: Yeah. So you hear this slovenly (groans) and he pulls himself free. But he's such a big bear. His form gets stuck in the doorway of the carriage side door. He's like (growls frustratedly) and he's trying to crawl his way out. So he's going to need someone to help him.

LIAM: Okay, I'm going to start tugging on him and pull his body out.

ASHLEY: I'll help.

ROGER: I'll help too!

LIAM: Come on, earth ponies!

ROGER: I'm helping!

MARK: So do you guys want to-- you can either spend a friendship token, if you all did it, then you could use that, or you could make a test together. What do you want to do?

LIAM: How do you make a test again?

MARK: So yeah, so it'd be-- all of you would make a body test. and all three of you would make it at the same time and whoever gets the highest, we'll use that result, basically.

ASHLEY: Yeah?

LIAM: I'm pretty beefy.

ASHLEY: I like that.

LIAM: All right.

MARK: Now you can spend that to reroll it, Roger. If you get a bad roll, you can spend that.

ROGER: No, I think we're good.

MARK: Okay. Everybody make a body test, all of you that are helping.

ROGER: So a body test--

ASHLEY: I'm not helping at all.

ROGER: I got a one.

MARK: One one.

ASHLEY: Two.

MARK: Two.

LIAM: I rolled a six.

MARK: A six!

ROGER: Nice!

MARK: Okay! So the three of you together with Tomey. Tomey taking the lead to having spent time with Bauble, and then using the bulk of Peaches and the bulk of Whirlypoo. You (grunts) and then with this (suction sound, popping release) the bear slides out, you tumble into a ball together. Then he lands, just as the rock dogs begin advancing on Lazuli. You can see they're barking really angrily at him. He says, "What do you want from me? I don't know. Then Baubles, seeing his master and friend in trouble.  (growls aggressively) Barrels forward and starts knocking the rock dogs out of the way, sending them flying.

ROGER: (squeaking yelps)

MARK: Yeah, you hear (yelping) and the grating of stone on each other. They begin circling around, and they make their way back towards the hole that they came from. While this has been going on, Trixie, do you want to roll and see if you can fix the train?

MARKEIA: Absolutely.

ROGER: Go, Trixie, go!

MARKEIA: So I'm doing--

MARK: Yeah, I'd say this would be-- I'd say body and gadgets, because there's some physicality in this, you're trying to leverage your way through.

MARKEIA: Okay, I got a three in body and a two in gadgets.

MARK: Okay, so with the engineer's help, it's going to take you a few hours, but you can still help repair the whole thing. and yeah, you basically spend some time repairing the thing. The Marquis looks around, he's like, "Oh! "What frightful little creatures. Thank you all so much, my friends. Oh, it's--"

JULIE: Lord Laz. Can you think of any reason why those puppies were after you?

MARK: "No! Goodness me, no. "I've never seen anything like that in my life."

JULIE: Have you ever kicked a puppy?

MARK: "No! "I would never do such a thing!"

JULIE: I just had to ask.

MARK: "No, terribly not. "No. I mean, "the only thing I can think of is some of the-- some of the miners and the earth ponies in my country have mentioned that they've seen similar creatures in the mines back in my homeland, but I've never seen one like that. "They've certainly never seen me."

JULIE: What else do you hear about them?

MARK: "Oh, usually they're not very harmful. The miners think they're quite sweet, really.

ROGER: May I ask what are they mining for?

MARK: "Oh, gemstones. That's everything-- Gelderland is famed for its gemstones. "The unicorns, as tradition, we use our magic to locate mineral deposits and, you know, veins of ores. Then the earth ponies, who are naturally better at work and digging and things like that, they dig up the gemstones and they give them to the unicorns "and we sell them to other countries, and then we give some of the earth ponies, some supplies and money back."

LIAM: Is there any additional details on these crystal dogs in the books that I read on Gelderlingland?

MARK: Gelderland, yeah, I think there would have been. So they're commonly referred to as rock dogs. And they are-- They're generally found very deep in the earth, in Gelderland. They're found very deep. What are you laughing at, Julie?

JULIE: I was just thinking about rock gnomes, that's all, deep gnomes, that's all. Nothing. (laughs)

MARK: So the dogs themselves, they're found deep down in the earth. They normally protect mineral deposits, but the Gelderland ponies have come up with a relationship with them. That as long as they don't take the bigger gemstones, the rock dogs don't seem to mind. Yeah, the miners have found a way to-- Some of them keep them as pets and things like that. But yeah, it doesn't seem that Laz knows anything about them. Yes, he's just like, "Yes, "I know that the miners encountered them sometimes, "but, I mean, I've never been down in the mines myself, so I've never seen them before. I've heard of them."

ROGER: Is it possible to befriend one of these little things? Domesticate, if you will?

MARK: "Looking at those things, they were vicious! "They were coming straight for me!"

ROGER: Well, you also have a bear as a pet, so--

MARK: "Well, yes, he's been my childhood friend, "I've had him since he was a little cubby."

JULIE: But you haven't-- Never mind.

LIAM: All the dogs--

JULIE: You haven't been treating him very well.

MARK: "I've done my best. "I've given him everything he wants. "That's what Father does with me. Is that not right?

ASHLEY: Well!

JULIE: There are times when it is not the best thing to do.

MARK: "Really? "Oh."

JULIE: Yes.

ASHLEY: Can I try to pet some?

MARK: They've scampered back into the hole and they've made their way back down into the earth at this point, being scared off by Bauble, who's thrown them and scattered them away. Sadly.

ROGER: So much for that.

MARKEIA: In the background, somehow, there's another explosion.

MARK: Yeah, you hear a (whizzing)

MARKEIA: Ah, fidgety gidgets! This is going to take a while.

MARK: Yeah. But it doesn't-- Well, with nothing else to do, with no other threats, Trixie and the engineer manage to fix the tracks and you carry back on your way on the train. Having spent a bit more time. Is there anything anybody would like to do on the train? Or anything you guys would like to talk about?

MARKEIA: Is there anything else to take apart?

MARK: In the train?

MARKEIA: Yes.

MARK: The train.

ROGER: The train itself.

MARKEIA: The train itself.

ROGER: Someone keep an eye on Trixie.

MARK: You could be going and stealing all the light bulbs from the carriages, or I don't know. Maybe a phonogram, a music player and things like that.

MARKEIA: Oh, definitely a phonogram.

MARK: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you start pilfering parts from that. You can write down TV parts and phonogram parts. Who knows if they'll come in handy.

ASHLEY: Trixie, you are very talented! This is amazing what you can do. I can't believe you fixed up this train and now we're on our way!

MARKEIA: Oh, well, the engineer helped a lot. Actually, I'm not that great at mechanics stuff. I'm more good at inventing things. So I don't really use normal tools. I just use the ones that I make up in my lab.

ASHLEY: That's so cool!

MARK: Okay.

JULIE: I did have a question. Tomey. When y'all were going through some of those books, did you see anything about, perhaps, how the earth ponies are treated? Because there was something about the way (whispers) Lord Laz was talking, made me wonder if they were being treated as, I don't know, less than. I mean, everyone knows royalty's royalty. but there is something about everypony mattering.

LIAM: Well, he does seem a little overly pampered, and yeah, he gave me and Whirlypoo a bit of the shifty eye. Was there anything in the books about that?

MARK: So reading through the books, Gelderland has, Equestria had a particular history where the three pony types came together to work together, to solve a problem. And Gelderland never had that problem. They never had to deal with the-- I can't remember what they're called, but there was a threat, a magical threat that bound the ponies of Equestria together. And Gelderland never really had that. Instead, it's been a very prosperous nation because it's so rich with gemstones and gold and things like that. The land of Gelderland is split into lords and ladies who run, who own land, and then the pegasi are generally the knights, they serve as knights who protect the unicorns. Then the earth ponies work the land to provide food, and in exchange, they're given rights to live on the land and basically get supplies and things like that.

LIAM: It's a bit of a feudal system.

MARK: Very feudal, very Middle Ages England kind of thing. The earth ponies are seen as the serfs. Then the pegasi are the knights, and then the unicorns are the lords and ladies of the land. In the history books you've read, it's never really been that bad. It was always like there was a fair share of things being done. It was just this is the way that things are and everyone seemed happy, but certainly, yeah, that's not how things are done in Equestria.

LIAM: You don't have upward po-bility. So you get your lot in life and that's where you are. Some of us have wings, some of us are stuck on the ground. It's okay.

JULIE: Hmm.

MARK: Yeah.

ROGER: You're a little more optimistic than I am. It's a messed up situation, bro.

JULIE: Your last name is "Poo."

ROGER: It's actually part of my full name.

LIAM: Whirly, you have to see it to be it. (laughter)

MARK: You are going to lead a terrible cult in Equestria one day. He's going to be at the top of a scheme going all the way down.

LIAM: The worst of every self-help program that was ever created.

ROGER: Hey man, you see what you aim for. If it is to be, it is up to me.

MARK: So the rest of the trip on the train goes without problems. You guys make your way to a station called Pewter Point, which is a little tiny station in the middle of nowhere. It leads into a valley, a mountain hike trail that leads into the western mountains, which head towards Gelderland. For this bit, as you guys are going to be hiking through the woods, I would like, for each day of travel, you guys are going to need to tell me who is going to be your navigator, who is going to be your guide, and who's going to provide moral support to make the day go easily.

LIAM: Well, you've got binoculars.

ROGER: I know, but that's not necessarily for navigating, that's more like, I don't know. What are the--?

MARK: It was a navigator, who will actually figure out where you're going and making sure you don't get lost. ROGER and

LIAM: Okay.

MARK: The guide will be much more physical, making sure they clear boulders out of the way, or make sure that there's a path for you to follow. Things like that. Then moral support is basically to make sure that, you know, it keeps your spirits up along the trip.

ASHLEY: Well, you know, navigating is not my specialty, but I could definitely help.

LIAM: That flute is pretty motivational.

ASHLEY: It sure is, I could help with some moral support, some vibe, that type of a thing.

ROGER: Okay.

MARKEIA: Kind of like a bard pony.

ASHLEY: Yeah!

MARK: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I could help with that on some days.

MARK: Okay. Any plans?

ROGER: I meant-- I'm all fine with using the binocs.

LIAM: Yeah?

ROGER: You know, the bi-nocs, as they say.

LIAM: Sure. That's the lingo.

ROGER: Yeah, exactly. Bro. To get us where we need to go. But I don't know. Because you're-- I mean, all that pi stuff, you can pretty much make sure we stay on course using stars, and totally.

JULIE: I do believe that I might be of some help there.

ROGER: And you can fly. Can't you?

MARK: Nope.

ASHLEY: I can fly!

ROGER: You can fly. See, that's the thing.

MARKEIA: So you might be really great with navigation and moral support since we have three days of travel. I might be good. I think with the moral support, I have an idea with that with some gadgets.

MARK: Mm-hmm.

MARKEIA: Even as a guide, it says it's more of a physical thing, but I might have some gadgets that might be able to clear the way. So I might be able to help with either of those.

MARK: All right. So it sounds like you guys have got some vague ideas of who you want to lead on the hike and through the mountains.

LIAM: Well, I don't know.

ROGER: I guess, so, guide, for the gadgetry, is what we're thinking? Trixie guides us.

MARKEIA: I could do that for the first day.

ROGER: Okay.

MARK: Yeah.

ROGER: Oh, we assign different?

MARK: Yeah, it's going to be three days, it's going to be one each day. So why don't we take a break.

ROGER: Math, man. A lot of math.

Break
MARK: We can take a break now.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARK: Then when we come back, we'll go through the hike and then you guys can have a think about who you want to do what on the break as well.

LIAM: Right.

ROGER: I dig it.

MARK: Also, we'll level you guys up during the break as well, because it's a one-shot. Yeah, you guys can have a level.

MARKEIA, ASHLEY, and ROGER: Yeah!

MARK: You guys have overcome a bear and an earthquake on a train, and you've been better friends. That's how we track it all.

ROGER: We're going to google Chicago songs.

ASHLEY: Friendship!

MARK: Google Chicago songs. Great!

LIAM: Man, you guys, friendship is magic.

MARK: Friendship is magic. We're going to take a break. We'll be back very, very soon to finish off Tails of Equestria. (cheering) (playful music)

Part II
MARK: Welcome back to Tails of Equestria. The My Little Pony RPG with all of these wonderful players and all of our terrible horse puns. I believe we left things off with you guys about to hike through the mountains, to Gelderland, the home of Marquis Lapis Lazuli Starbolt.

LIAM: What a name.

MARK: We were picking who was going to be the navigator, the guide, and the moral support. So this is something you have to pick each day. So it's just a quick thing. So just nominate somebody or somebody nominate themselves.

LIAM: Oh, right. We were going to talk all about this and we didn't do it at all. Okay.

ROGER: Guide. With the gadgets.

LIAM: Right?

MARKEIA: I'll do guide with the gadgets for day one.

MARK: Okay. So guide.

JULIE: I'm happy to be your navigator. ROGER and

MARK: Navigator.

MARK: Then moral support.

ASHLEY: I'll be moral support!

LIAM: Flutist, flautist!

MARK: Moral support, okay. So navigator.

ASHLEY: Flaut it up!

MARK: Navigator, you are going to make a mind test for me, please. And guide, you will make a body test for me.

LIAM: Flaut of the Navigator.

MARKEIA: I am going to be using my gadgets and my telekinesis, because I am not a strong unicorn, but I am a smart one with my gadgetry.

MARK: Okay. So you're still going to roll body, but you can choose to add one of your talents. So either telekinesis, or your gadgets.

MARKEIA: Gadgets.

MARK: Okay. So you roll body plus your talent. Did you want to try and get your talent in to give you some sort of benefit for being a navigator?

JULIE: Well, absolutely. I do believe that when I'm navigating, I'd like to be able to use the power of numbers and counting and perhaps their circumference divided by the diameter.

MARK: So you're looking at the mountain range and you're figuring out by the curvature of Equestria that it will approximately take this, and this is the shortest route. If you take this path, it's shorter than anything.

ROGER: I'm pretty sure Equestria's flat, you guys. (laughter)

ROGER: I mean, come on, right?

MARK: Have you been listening to Tomey too much? I'm not sure.

ROGER: What's up, dude?

JULIE: I did preemptively roll for mind, and it is only a two.

MARK: Well, you're going to add in your thing, excuse me.

JULIE: My talent.

ROGER: (fart sounds)

JULIE: Well, that is a three.

MARK: Then moral support, it's charm, and you're going to be playing your flute?

ASHLEY: Yes, I'm going to be a--

MARK: So you may add your talent.

ASHLEY: I just realized, remembered one of the favorite songs when we play in our band, is "You're The Inspiration." So I'm going to-- ♪ (flute playing ♪ "You're the Inspiration") ♪ ♪ (flute playing ♪ "You're the Inspiration") ♪ So I'm going to roll charm.

MARK: Plus your talent for flute playing.

ASHLEY: I mean, there's also inspiration in the song.

ROGER: It was a baritone, too. That was really impressive. She's a bass.

MARK: I love it.

ASHLEY: So charm.

ROGER: Baritone flute.

MARK: And then flute.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MARK: And whichever one's the highest.

ASHLEY: Ooh, rolled a two, and that's the highest.

MARK: So two highest for moral support. What did we get on navigation for highest?

ASHLEY: ♪ (imitates poor flute playing) ♪

MARK: Three for highest? Four for highest on--

MARKEIA: Four, but that's on my body roll, so that was the top one for body.

MARK: That was the top, so you get to roll a d6. You get to get the exploding hoof.

ROGER: It's good for moral support.

MARKEIA: Nope, so four.

MARK: A four. Okay.

ROGER: She just plays "Taps" on the flute for moral support.

ASHLEY: Now I'm going to play "Hard To Say I'm Sorry." Because it was so bad.

JULIE: Did anything change because we leveled up?

MARK: Oh, that's right.

JULIE: Did anything change because we leveled up?

MARK: We were going to level up, that's right. Let's do that. Let's do that. So I believe, when you level up. I completely forgot that we were going to do that.

JULIE: I have my writing implement, so I remembered.

MARK: Well, that was very good. So I believe when you level up-- I've got to try and find the section. (laughter)

ASHLEY: With leveling up, did that help with the flute?

MARK: Maybe. It might do.

ASHLEY: Flauting.

ROGER: She plays "Brick" by Ben Folds Five. Just to inspire us. What? I'm a two! It's a horrible song. If you listen to the lyrics.

ASHLEY: ♪ (flute playing "Brick" by Ben Folds Five) ♪

ROGER: I'm so depressed!

ASHLEY: (flute playing continues)

MARK: I'm glad I can just leave you guys to entertain yourselves while I'm desperately trying to find rules.

LIAM: Roger, could you give us a little bit of hold music while leveling up's done?

ROGER: (hand farting and humming "The Girl from Ipanema")

MARK: Okay.

ROGER: Thank you for holding. Your call is extremely important to us. Please stay on the line and a customer representative will be with you shortly.

MARK: Hi, this is level up services, how may I help you? (laughter) Right, so you can now gain a new level. Update your character sheet, increase your level by one. You can upgrade one of the die values among your three traits. So body, mind, or charm, and increase it by one step. This is for everybody. So you choose one of your stats and it boosts to the next die size up. So if it's a d6, it becomes a d8. If it's a d8, it becomes a d10.

LIAM: Yes.

ASHLEY: One of your stats can become one--

ROGER: Just one.

MARK: Yes, just one.

LIAM: I'm so damn charming now.

ROGER: Can I ask you, what is the purpose of stamina? Is that like life?

MARK: It's hit points.

ROGER: So when I go down to zero, I'm dead?

MARK: You're not dead.

ROGER: I've gone to pony heaven! (laughter)

MARK: It's not possible to die in My Little Pony.

ROGER: (emphatic) I go to pony heaven!

MARK: Pony heaven can be your special place that you go to.

ROGER: Thank you.

MARK: But it's generally--

JULIE: Only for Whirlypoo.

MARK: Yeah, you get knocked out, or you become too scared to keep going on, or your friends have to do something to encourage you back, or something like that.

LIAM: You become a nightwalker.

ROGER: So we're swapping out one of our die right now, right?

MARK: You boost it up, yes. You increase it by one size.

MARKEIA: It's just the main stats right now. You can't do it for talent?

MARK: Well, we're going to get to those, I think.

JULIE: Hold your horses! (laughs forcefully)

MARK: Oh my goodness, Julie.

LIAM: Quality, bruv.

MARK: Okay, so your stamina is equal to your mind and your body dice. The maximum value is added up. So if you had a d6 and a d4, it was 10. If you've got your body to a d10 and your mind is a d4, it'd be 14. So it's the highest of the values.

LIAM: So if body and mind did not increase, neither did stamina.

MARK: Neither did stamina.

ASHLEY: Wait, say that one more time.

MARK: So your stamina is equal to the maximum amount of your mind and your body dice rolled.

ASHLEY: Combined? Oh, rolled.

MARK: Yeah, so--

MARKEIA: Oh wait, rolled? So not the maximum amount?

MARK: Yeah, maximum amount of each dice, sorry. I'm phrasing this in a weird way.

ASHLEY: Maximum amount of each of those.

MARK: Yes.

ASHLEY: So I have a six for body, a four for mind. So I put those together, I'm at 10.

MARK: Make 10, that's your stamina.

JULIE: And that's your max stamina, or that's where your stamina is now?

MARK: You keep stamina. You keep it at 10.

ASHLEY: Stays at 10.

ROGER: I'm so sorry.

ASHLEY: Oh, it's only if you add one of the die to the--

MARK: So if you increase your body or your mind, then it would go up by two points, I think.

ROGER: Oh, really? For now.

MARK: Yes.

ROGER: So even though I got a hit of three earlier in the game, took me down to nine, I go two up, I'm at 11 now.

MARK: Yeah.

ROGER: A-ha!

MARK: Your maximum increases as well.

ROGER: I'm so good at this game.

MARK: Sorry, that was a really confusing way of explaining it.

LIAM: And am I still the same place I was up after getting roughed up by the bear?

MARK: We'll heal you up.

LIAM: Oh yeah?

MARK: Yeah.

LIAM: Oh, good!

MARKEIA: Well, since Tomey also leveled up, do they get their friendship token back?

MARK: Everybody gets their friendship token back. So I would, in fact, I'm actually going to-- (grunts)

LIAM: Wah!

MARK: And then, Ash, I'm going to give you mine just because I'm going to forget that I have it, so you can hold onto that. You can choose when you want to spend it. Then you upgrade all talents you used in the adventure. So for example, like I know, did Trixie use her telekinesis? I don't think she did.

MARKEIA: I don't think she did.

MARK: So you don't upgrade that, but your gadgets would increase. So any talent you used, you increase it by one die size.

LIAM: Oh. That's an eight now, okay.

ROGER: Since that you were saying that with certain things if we were to roll the talent combined, it was a d6.

MARK: So it'd go up to a d8.

ROGER: d8.

MARK: Yes.

ROGER: Okay.

MARK: So if you used your talent it increases. Yep.

JULIE: Choose the things!

MARK: Then you get to upgrade one talent of your choice, or you can come up with a new talent that you've learnt along the way.

ALL: Hmm.

ROGER: We can choose any other--?

MARK: Yep, so any of your existing-- so you can upgrade one of your other talents or you could gain a new talent, if you want, as well.

LIAM: I am going to be an amateur flautist now after spending so much time.

ASHLEY: Oh!

LIAM: -- with Peaches.

MARK: So you've been practicing a little bit on Peaches' flute.

LIAM: No, I asked-- I asked Trixie to make me an improvised flute out of piping and gears and stuff.

MARKEIA: I'll definitely do that. I've got some really great parts.

MARK: You gain flute of a d6. d4, sorry, it comes in as a d4.

LIAM: I'm not very good.

ASHLEY: You know what?

MARK: So you can either gain a new talent or upgrade an existing one.

LIAM: (whispers) I'm a backup flautist.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MARK: In Chicago.

ROGER: Replacing the former talent.

MARK: No.

ROGER: Gain a new talent.

MARK: Yeah, yeah.

ROGER: Gain or upgrade?

MARK: So, for example, for Whirlypoo, maybe wearing the armor and meeting Harvest Thunder has made you-- You've gained durability or something, like you're used to wearing armor.

ROGER: I was going to say, I no longer skip leg day.

MARK: Yeah, sure. So you could get a new talent of, I don't know, armor expertise or something like that. So you're used to wearing your armor.

ROGER: I was just thinking extra strength.

MARK: Or just swole. Just kind of swole.

ROGER: I'm swole. I'm swole AF, bro!

LIAM: Swoleypoo.

ROGER: Swoleypoo! Wow.

ASHLEY: I'd like to gain--

ROGER: I want to see a doctor about that.

ASHLEY: Since I have a spear. I want to gain talent with the spear.

MARK: Spear, I like it, sure.

ASHLEY: It's going to get dangerous.

MARK: It's going to get dangerous.

ROGER: Swole AF.

MARKEIA: Since I helped with actual mechanics, I want to have a talent in that. So not inventing gadgets, but actually fixing things that are already engineered.

MARK: Perfect. So yeah. It's all d4 for these new talents. Then what about you, Julie?

JULIE: I was thinking that because I was useful in the concept of empathy and checking in with--

MARK: Oh, that's nice.

JULIE: -- hey, how's the bear feeling? Maybe he's sick or like: Whoa, let's contain the puppies before we try to kill them. You know, hey, how are the earth ponies doing? Or are they being mistreated? So maybe some kind of empathy?

MARK: Empathy. I just think empathy. It could be, yeah.

JULIE: So I didn't have to keep talking?

MARK: You could either have it as a spell. Sorry, I mis--

JULIE: No, it was me just babbling, it's fine.

MARK: I think you can either have it as a spell where it's Jean Gray-style, feeling emotions, or you can have it as a natural, you're very good at talking to people and getting people to open up.

JULIE: I like option two.

MARK: Yeah, sure, go for it. So empathy. Talent with empathy.

JULIE: You said that's d4?

MARK: d4 for all the new talents. So did anybody change the dice that they rolled just now? For the navigation and stuff?

JULIE: Oh god. Yeah.

MARK: Sure, let's just reroll them. Let's just reroll them. Reset, hard reset.

MARKEIA: These things happen.

MARK: These things happen in RPG games. So yeah, so it was-- We had charm, body with gadgetry, and then mind with counting talent.

JULIE: Okay.

ASHLEY: Okay, I rolled a seven out of an eight.

MARK: Okay, good. So that's the highest?

ASHLEY: Oh, and then I roll--

MARK: The flute as well, d6. Or d8 now, I think, actually.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, that's the highest.

MARK: Okay.

MARKEIA: Still got a four.

MARK: Still got a four?

MARKEIA: Still got a four.

MARK: What about Countess Pi?

JULIE: Countess Pi seems to have achieved a five for mind. And for the counting ability, actually an eight out of eight.

MARK: So that's the max.

JULIE: It is the max.

MARK: So you get to roll a d10.

JULIE: I would enjoy that, thank you.

MARK: 10-sided dice.

MARK: See if you get any higher.

JULIE: See if-- Oh, mother of-

ROGER: Easy!

MARK: Got to find the dice.

ROGER: Language!

ASHLEY: Mother of pearl.

JULIE: Who's this? Oh, I remember this guy! Never mind.

MARK: Mother of Celestia.

JULIE: Yeah?

LIAM: No.

JULIE: No.

LIAM: That's 12.

JULIE: Oh, mother of-- this guy?

LIAM: That guy, yeah.

JULIE: Never used a d10 before. Seven.

MARK: So seven, eight was the highest.

JULIE: Eight was still the highest.

MARK: Okay. With those checks, you guys make incredibly good time hiking through the mountains. You cut through the mountain passes. The only problem that you encounter is during the day, Lazuli reveals he's terribly afraid of heights as you're making your way through through things. But with the moral support of Peaches, you encourage him enough that he has the bravery to make his way through.

ASHLEY: I'm playing--

ROGER: I was going to say Chicago songs about air.

ASHLEY: (plays "Mad World" by Gary Jules)

ASHLEY: (plays "Mad World" by Gary Jules) It's really inspirational.

ROGER: Yeah. (laughter)

MARK: He reaches a hoof up, like, "That was so lovely, I just-- I don't know what to say. Yeah, you guys make your way through the first day.

ASHLEY: With you accompanying in the background now, of course.

LIAM: Yeah, yep. Occasionally going: ♪ Mad world ♪ (laughter)

MARK: Peering up from a book. Yeah. Yeah. For the second day, are you guys going to switch people in roles?

MARKEIA: Mm-hmm.

MARK: Okay. Who's going to take the roles this time? Whirly?

ROGER: Navigator.

MARK: Okay.

LIAM: I will do the inspiration.

MARK: Moral support.

LIAM: Moral support.

MARK: Okay. Then out of the three remaining, who wants to be the guide?

ASHLEY: I'll be guide.

MARK: You're going to go guide?

ASHLEY: I'll go guide.

MARK: Okay. Make those checks for me. So we have body for Peaches.

ROGER: d10. No.

MARK: Charm for--

ROGER: Charm for navigator?

MARK: Charm for-- Oh, you're navigator, then mind.

ROGER: Mind! Ah, that's my weak-- man.

LIAM: It's charm now for moral support?

MARK: Moral support. Yeah.

LIAM: Can I use my studying and learning? I am going to read from my Quadratology handbook.

MARK: Sure. What are you reading?

LIAM: My Quadratology handbook!

MARK: Give us the lesson.

LIAM: Oh dear, goodness gracious.

JULIE: Now you've done it.

LIAM: Now I've done it. "Be the horse you want to be. Control Ponywood with your mind! I don't know what they do. (laughter)

MARK: Make the check, Liam.

LIAM: Six! Can I use studying and learning along with it?

MARK: Sure.

JULIE: Better come up with something to study and learn.

LIAM: Six.

MARK: Okay, so did you get a maximum on the d6?

LIAM: d6 max.

MARK: Then you get to roll and see if you get any higher on a d8.

LIAM: On a d8?

MARK: The exploding hoof.

LIAM: Okay. It's a three.

MARK: Okay, so six is the highest.

LIAM: Okay.

MARK: Okay. So that was for moral support. Then we've got guide with body.

ASHLEY: I rolled a five out of six.

MARK: Okay.

ASHLEY: Can I also help--? Oh, that wouldn't work. Because that's-- never mind. I rolled a five.

MARK: So you're just going to go straight with a body. Okay, nice. Then for navigation.

ROGER: So for mind, right? Like, I'm just, I'm going to--

MARK: You're trying to map out the best course.

ROGER: So here's the thing, is it daytime or nighttime? So I think for the second day, you're actually making your way along. I actually wrote down a little thing. On the second day, you're actually following a very fast-flowing river that flows through the mountains. It has lots of different branches. So you're trying to find-- You're trying to track the source.

ROGER: Yeah, but what time of the day?

MARK: I mean, it's the whole day, so it would be like, you know--

ROGER: Do we do this at night?

MARK: You can do it at night.

ROGER: So if I was to use my mind, look at the stars to navigate, to know our place in the world?

MARK: Sure. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you could basically wait until night time.

ROGER: Take that for your body test, Mark!

MARK: Yeah, sure. It's still mind. It's still mind.

ROGER: Oh god, where is that?

MARK: But you can roll--

ROGER: Four! MARK -- your talent as well.

ROGER: Four.

MARK: Four?

ROGER: Yeah.

MARK: Okay.

ROGER: Out of four.

JULIE: Do you have a talent of aggro at some point?

MARK: Oh!

ROGER: Sorry.

MARK: If you've got the maximum dice, then you get to roll a d6.

ROGER: I'm very aggressive, okay, Julie?

MARK: Very aggressive.

LIAM: (deep voice) Whirlypoo!

ROGER: You guys have seen right?

MARK: You got swole, remember.

ROGER: So a four out of four, right?

MARK: So you get to roll a d6 and see if you get higher.

ROGER: Roll a d6 to see it. I got my d6 right here.

MARKEIA: (laughs)

MARK: Yeah. So when you roll the maximum dice--

ROGER: I got a four, again.

MARK: Okay, so four is the highest.

ROGER: All washes out.

MARK: Yeah, you make your way through the beautiful mountains. The river winds its way through the mountains, this fast-flowing river weaves its way through. But you know, with the navigation from Whirlypool, he waits until nighttime--

ROGER: Poo, Whirlypoo.

MARK: Whirlypoo, I keep saying it.

ROGER: I didn't spend four years in poo school not to be called Whirlypoo, okay? "Whirlypool."

JULIE: Aren't you the master of poo?

ROGER: Do you feel how contentious it is between us?

ASHLEY: What are you doing?

MARK: I just can't. I just can't.

ROGER: Hey, Mark, thanks for coming all the way out here, bud.

MARK: It's okay. (laughter)

LIAM: This is why they should've stopped him at

MARK: Thank you, Roger.

LIAM: -- customs, every time.

ROGER: Exactly! Tomey can [Inaudible].

MARK: How is this my fault, Liam? With Whirlypoo's navigation at nighttime, you do manage to make your way through, taking these small valleys and dips and keeping the stars in mind and making sure you're traveling in the right direction, not getting lost in all the different crags and gorges of the whole place.

ROGER: You're welcome, everyone.

MARK: What did you get on the guide, sorry, Ashley?

ASHLEY: Five out of six.

MARK: Five out of six. So yeah, so there's a couple of times where the way is blocked by large rocks that have slid down in a landslide. You manage to push those out of the way, or use the leverage of the spear and leverage them in. Probably not going to use the flute, I'm guessing?

ASHLEY: No, I've got to save the flute.

ROGER: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I got to save, make sure it doesn't get any bends or dents.

ROGER: Bro.

JULIE: Bro.

ASHLEY: But I'll use the spear to help move things.

MARK: So you're wedging it out of the way and you're rolling the rocks out of the way so you can make the path. Then for Tomey, reading from his book, what did you get again, remind me?

LIAM: I rolled a six on a six.

MARK: Six. So the life lessons imparted by Quadrology?

LIAM: Quadratology.

MARK: Quadratology.

LIAM: I read up to the chapter for equine level four.

MARK: Okay. Many of you probably don't really know what Tomey's talking about.

JULIE: Nobody does.

MARK: But it sounds great. It sounds really nice and affirmative.

LIAM: Effete manner. Positive attitude.

ROGER: That's what a motivational speaker does.

MARK: Yeah. It sounds great Then you all feel a good vibe. As you get through the day. One, another thing, as you're making your way, maybe late at night with Whirly's navigation. another earthquake erupts through the valley, causing loads of rocks to slide down behind you. You can see more of these critters patrolling around, these rock dogs up on the high ridges.

ROGER: It's the rock dogs, right?

MARK: Rock dogs, yeah. The earthquake was longer and stronger this time. Like, it actually causes the mountains to shake. You can see more and more of these rock dogs patrolling the upper ridges, howling into the night, at the moon. And Lazuli is like, "I don't understand. These earthquakes, we've never had his sort of thing "going on in Gelderland before."

JULIE: Is there any way anybody has the power to find out if there is a force trying to stop us from going where we're going? Like if this is some kind of magic? Does anyone have that?

MARK: "You don't think that's possible, do you? "Why would somebody try to be stopping me from getting home?"

JULIE: I can't possibly imagine, but some of those deep rock puppies--

MARKEIA: Is there anything important that you have to do as soon as you get home? Like maybe a bill that has to be signed or something along those lines?

LIAM: Any enemies?

MARK: "Enemies! No, "I'm beloved, I'm the Marquis, everyone loves me."

JULIE: This from the guy who stuffs a bear full of cupcakes, so I'm just saying, I don't know.

MARK: "But he wanted the cupcakes!"

ROGER: I think we've already established he was a puppy kicker, right?

MARK: "What? No!"

JULIE: I posited it.

MARK: "No, no, no!"

JULIE: It was just a question.

MARK: "This is slanderous, absolutely slanderous. No, I can't think of anything that had any harm, or there's no bills. I mean, I'm not really in charge; it's my father who is. As far as I know, he's just busy trying to dig up "some big gemstone back home."

ROGER: Ha!

MARKEIA: What's the gemstone all about?

JULIE: That'd be an important piece of information.

MARK: "Oh, I don't know. "It was-- I left a few weeks ago, but apparently the miners had discovered this large fire ruby deep down in one of the gorges nearby, and he was ecstatic, over the moon! Over Princess Luna's moon, he was."

ROGER: But you yourself said that the rock dogs don't like it when you take their big stones.

MARK: "Oh, I didn't think-- "Hmm."

ROGER: Did you not mention--? Or maybe it was the PM that actually told us that?

LIAM: You remember it right. That seems a little of the ordinary, such a big gem like that.

ROGER: You said that we have a good relationship with these things, and as long as we're picking out the little ones, the miners, as long as they leave the big ones alone.

MARK: "Yes, that's a good point."

ROGER: So your father--

MARK: "Hmm."

ROGER: You have daddy issues.

MARK: "But surely these little fellows "couldn't be causing such a big earthquake, could they? They're little pint-sized things.

MARKEIA: These might be puppies, which means there's going to be--

MARK: "You think there's a bigger one?"

MARKEIA: -- bigger rock dogs.

MARK: "Oh. "Well, that doesn't sound very good at all."

ROGER: If they're underground, it could be affecting fault lines and, you know.

MARK: "Yes, lines underground, hmm."

ROGER: Fault lines.

JULIE: Should we perhaps go venture underground and look?

MARK: "Well, we could certainly-- "It'd be awfully scary out there "and these earthquakes and these holes in the ground. What if we get stuck? We'd never get out. "We'd be trapped! "Alive!"

MARKEIA: It's okay, Laz, it's okay.

MARK: He starts freaking out, his eyes go wide.

JULIE: Do you have sort of thing to calm him down?

LIAM: Well, I do know some breathing techniques from--

JULIE: Like an injection?

LIAM: No, no, no. MARK "I don't know what you're talking about my (gasping) breathing is absolutely fine."

LIAM: No, just a little bit, just a little bit of Zen Buddhism, actually, which is where I started. So just breathe with me, okay?

MARK: "What a ridiculous name. Buddha."

ROGER: Cue the Enya, start playing Enya on your flute.

ASHLEY: (plays "Only Time" by Enya)

MARK: "All right. "Yes. Yes, I'm--"

ROGER: (fart noise) It's better, right?

MARK: "Was that part of the--?"

ASHLEY: It's all part of the relaxation.

JULIE: That was just to get you to calm down.

MARK: "Well, I definitely feel calmer, "if a bit nauseated from Whirly."

ASHLEY: Listen. I feel like we're almost there. Maybe we should get there and maybe figure out what the problem is?

MARK: "You should speak to Father. If you think it might be attracting these creatures, we should speak to him. "Perhaps the knights. The knights!"

ASHLEY: We're going to the source?

MARK: "The Pegasus Knights could deal with these creatures. "They'll be safe once we reach Gelderland. They're very talented. I always dreamed of being a knight when I was a little, "a little, a little filly. Very good.

LIAM: What got in the way of that, what happened?

MARK: "Well, I'm supposed to-- "I'm the Marquis, I'm the Duke's son. I'm supposed to take over ruling and my cutie mark is of-- you know, I'm very good at delegation, I'm very good at handing out tasks to others. But I always dreamed of being in the jousts." (laughs haughtily) "It's a favorite little sport in Gelderland."

LIAM: Sounds like this caste system is a blessing and a curse.

MARK: "I don't know what you mean. "Gelderland's marvelous, it's fantastic."

ROGER: As long as you're the right--

MARK: "Very prosperous."

LIAM: Right.

ROGER: You know I--

MARK: "No, no."

LIAM: You were born--

MARK: "Everybody's happy."

ROGER: It's good to be you.

MARK: "No, no, everyone's happy in Gelderland."

JULIE: It's good to you, man.

LIAM: --nicorn.

MARK: "No--"

ROGER: Game over, man!

MARKEIA: Well, think about it, Laz, you spent time in Equestria.

MARK: "Yes?"

MARKEIA: We seemed very happy there, right?

MARK: "Oh, you did, yes."

MARKEIA: We let anybody be at any level.

MARK: "You know, that's very sweet. "It's very sweet how you, you know-- "'Everybody can do everything.' "It's very nice, you know. I thought that that was very sweet. But I think that maybe, well-- "I was always told that the earth ponies, they like working in the fields, in the mud and the mines and things like that. We don't want to take that away from them.

JULIE: When was the last time you asked one of them?

MARK: "Oh, well, they're not allowed up to the castle."

MARKEIA: But you go to them.

LIAM: Have you ever met an earth pony before us?

MARK: "Well, I-- I do have-- well, yes. I have an earth pony friend of mine actually, yes. "He's marvelous."

ROGER: Did your father run on the "We're going to make Gelderland great again" port? Platform? MARK "His campaign was very much about "more mining, more money!

ROGER: Yeah.

MARK: "Very good."

ROGER: Drain the Gelderland swamps, huh?

MARK: "There's no swamps in Gelderland."

ROGER: No, it's a euphemism.

MARK: "Oh, I see."

ROGER: Yeah.

MARK: "You should get that checked out immediately. Doctor ponies are very good.

ROGER: Make Gelderland great again.

MARK: Well. Unless you wish to keep-- there's still another day of travel before you reach the borders of Gelderland.

MARKEIA: Yeah, I'm good for traveling.

MARK: Yeah?

LIAM: Yeah, let's do it.

MARK: Okay. So our navigator, guide, and moral support, Who's going to take on the roles?

ROGER: So my navigator's only d4, so if there's someone who's got a higher-- My mind is lacking.

LIAM: Moral support is charm, navigator is mind.

MARK: Mind. And guide is body.

JULIE: My mind is up to a d8. Which seemed to be helpful in the first leg of the journey.

LIAM: I'll guide us through. I looked at an awful lot of maps in the reading I did about Gelderlandlandlind.

MARK: So you're guiding or navigating?

LIAM: Guiding.

MARK: Guiding. So guide, navigator.

MARKEIA: And moral support.

MARK: Moral support, okay. What are you guys going to do for your keeping things excited and happy and how are you going to navigate and how are you going to guide?

LIAM: Well, I read all about the topography here and the landscape and the flora and the fauna. So I can steer us away from anything that is potentially dangerous and lead us down the correct path, like a ranger, if you would.

MARK: Okay, perfect. So you're going to combine a little bit of physical athleticism with your studious--

LIAM: Yeah.

MARK: Yeah, perfect. So yeah, you can roll. It would be body plus your talent for study.

LIAM: Okay.

MARK: You're actually traveling through woods. There's this very dense mountainside forest that you're currently traveling through. So avoiding flora and fauna is definitely going to be a big part of it

LIAM: Bonk! Three for the body, and for my talent, six.

MARK: Six, okay. All right. And then who wants to go next?

MARKEIA: So for moral support, Trixie has used the TV parts and the phonograph parts to make little robotic ponies of everybody in the party.

MARK: Aww.

MARKEIA: So with all the things they want to do. So with Whirlypoo, there's a little Whirlypoo that has really cool armor on and these giant binoculars.

MARK: Extendable ones, like you push a button, they're just like-- (clicking)

ROGER: Is four enough? ASHLEY and

ROGER: Enhance!

ROGER: Computer, enhance!

MARKEIA: For Peaches with the phonograph parts, you twist at the little cutie mark, and then it makes a little (hums tune).

MARK: Aww, little music box, that's cute.

ASHLEY: Thank you.

MARKEIA: And Tomey has a giant book and very distinguished demeanor. It looks like going like this.

LIAM: Yo.

MARKEIA: To the masses.

MARK: Clacks around.

MARKEIA: And for--

LIAM: Equus.

MARKEIA: -- Countess Pi, looks like it's just normal, and then you have to put in numbers on the side and then the entire thing turns into numbers. that you can count.

JULIE: Oh, that's amazing! Thank you.

MARKEIA: And for Laz, it's him as a Pegasus Knight.

MARK: "You made one for me?"

MARKEIA: Well, you're one of our friends. You're part of the party. Earth ponies, pegasus, and unicorns alike.

MARK: "Oh!" He is absolutely taken aback by that. "Nobody's ever made a little gift for me before. I mean, I've had many presents from Father, but I've never had one from another pony before this. "This is marvelous. "I'm going to treasure this. Thank you, Trixie. Oh, it's marvelous. "Oh, isn't this lovely all traveling together. Oh yes, very good. Oh, I can't wait to get back now. "I'll take you to all my favorite spots. We'll go see a joust together. Oh, it'll be fantastic."

LIAM: Are we allowed to go to these spots?

MARK: "I will make sure that you're allowed. "Well, they can't deny me. I'm the Marquis. "Whoever I want to bring with me, I can bring with me. How about that?

JULIE: What would Father say?

MARK: "Well, that's very true. "Well, we'll just, I'll make, I'll pay everyone so they don't tell Father, yes. Yes, I'll use my money to pay them to not tell Father. "Yes."

ALL: (skeptical groaning)

MARK: "Wh-- what?"

JULIE: Well--

MARK: "Well, he'd be very cross."

JULIE: Perhaps he might be cross, but--

MARKEIA: Sometimes you have to do things that you might not want to do, but it turns out better in the end.

MARK: "Why on earth-- "why on Equestria would you want to do something "you don't want to do?"

MARKEIA: Well, you don't want to confront and talk to your dad, but--

MARK: "Absolutely not."

MARKEIA: --if you don't then maybe he would be angry at earth ponies wanting to go to the jousting also.

MARK: "That's why we won't let him find out!"

JULIE: But then nothing ever changes.

MARK: "Oh, I suppose you're right." "Hmm." He gets quiet and starts thinking a little bit. As you make your way through the forest.

JULIE: I'd like to navigate just a tiny bit.

MARK: Let's get the numbers.

MARKEIA: It was a one and a two.

MARK: Well, I'm going to spend my friendship token to let you reroll that, because that was definitely great for Laz.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARK: That was definitely great. So you can reroll it or if somebody wants to chip in another one, you could roll it with-- Oh, if you spend three, it's just a success.

ROGER: We got success. Success.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARK: Yeah, so you're going to spend three?

LIAM: Oh--?

MARK: It doesn't really-- You all share them.

LIAM: Hah!

ROGER: Nice toss.

LIAM: Good catch.

MARK: That was definitely not a fluke. (laughter)

MARK: Definitely not. I'm really skilled. 18 dexterity over here. Fantastic. Yeah, well with the success, yeah. I'm not going to have you be like-- well, now tell us what you're going to do to navigate, but the journey goes without problem.

JULIE: I just wanted everyone to know that I've counted every single tree in the entire forest. And I was able to map out perfectly the exact way to get through the trees so that you don't touch any pony ivy on sides, and no pony oak on the sides.

ASHLEY: I've had that before.

JULIE: And we just get through very swiftly.

MARK: So I like the idea that you counted every single tree and in your mind, there's a UI overlaid map of optimal pathing.

LIAM: Numbers floating everywhere.

MARK: Yeah, exactly.

ROGER: Matrix.

MARK: It's spiraling around, that's great. Yeah, and with the friendship tokens, you don't need to roll because you're just going to succeed at this task because you're working together. I think also Laz will actually-- he'll be like, "Why don't you let me take the bags for a little bit." He'll take his bags.

ROGER: Wow.

JULIE: What?!

ROGER: Wow!

MARK: Yeah, he's going to take the bags for a little bit. That's his contribution to the team to help making it.

JULIE: The hoof, you say.

MARK: He kind of-- "The hoof, you say."

JULIE: I can't believe you laughed at that. That was awful.

MARK: I think Liam's laughed at every pun just because.

LIAM: It was more of a dead inside kind of laugh. (laughter)

JULIE: It's all I can hope for, Liam.

ROGER: So this is what rock bottom looks like. (laughter)

ROGER: Haha!

MARK: Haha.

ROGER: Ha ha.

MARK: Haha. Ha. (depressed fake laugh) That's a very Matt Mercer thing to do I feel like. He does the-- (sighs disappointedly)

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARK: You exit through the forest on the side of the mountains and stretching before you, on the other side of this thick mountain range that you've been traveling through for three days. You see a very beautiful landscape. Rolling grassy hills, slow meandering perfect rivers, big open farms full of wheat fields and stacks of corn stretching out for miles. As you begin hitting the traveling roads, you see signposts pointing towards Zirconia and you begin making your way. As you begin seeing the other ponies of the area, though, you notice that there is a considerable change in dress. Many of the ponies wear very loose surcoats around them. Kind of traditional, like you see on medieval horses, the collared coat around them. The earth ponies' ones are made from hemp and look quite tattered and stained with mud or dirt and things like that. The Pegasi that you see are all are armored. They all wear armor and they carry these lances hooked into their hooves as well. And they patrol the skies in these groups of knights. And any-- you don't actually see any unicorns on the roads. You just don't encounter any, you only see the other ponies. But the knights will have this very beautiful heraldry and bright colors on their coats as well. Each one seems to be individualized, and they have these same marks of heraldry around. So indicating some sort of loyalty to a certain lord or lady pony that they happen to serve.

JULIE: Do they see us?

MARK: Yeah, I think the earth ponies, whenever you pass an earth pony, if they're traveling on the road, as soon as they see the three unicorns and Lazuli, they're immediately bowing, like, "Good day, milords! "Welcome. Safe travels on the road. Nod their heads, pass, and then they turned to the others like--

LIAM: Hey, buddy!

ASHLEY: You two be safe out there!

MARK: "Oh, thank you very much, friends. "You're Equestrian ponies, right?"

LIAM: Yeah.

MARKEIA: Yes.

JULIE: We certainly are.

LIAM: For sure.

MARK: "Oh, well, milady," and he bobs his head.

JULIE: Oh, there's no need for that. Did you lose something on the ground?

MARK: "No, no, no, I'm just showing me respect, ma'am. Forgive me. Unicorns around here, they tend to be lords and ladies. "We need to show the proper respect for your magical powers."

JULIE: Well, then if you don't mind, I would like to show you respect as well.

MARK: (groans) He freezes up, he looks around.

ROGER: You killed him!

JULIE: He'll be fine.

MARK: "Uh. Th-th-th-thank you, milady. I need to go. Have a great day."

ASHLEY: Don't work too hard!

MARKEIA: You, too.

ROGER: Yeah.

MARK: "I can't help it!" (laughter) He trots off. When the knights see you, there's a couple, they fly down. There's about three of these knights. One of them is a-- She's a pegasus with a white body, flowing pink mane. Her cutie mark is actually of a lance covered in a spiral of flowers, like flowers winding around the lance. She lands down, her armor chinking. She's like, "Ah! "You must be the escort from Equestria, I assume, bringing back the Marquis.

ASHLEY: "Yup."

MARKEIA: We are indeed.

ROGER: That's us!

ASHLEY: What's your name, milady?

MARK: "Oh, no, no, please, it's Sir Meadow Breeze, "I'm a knight of the Breezelands."

ASHLEY: I apologize.

LIAM: I don't really know--

ROGER: So awkward.

LIAM: -- if Whirly and I should be doing any talking around here.

JULIE: You're from Equestria.

LIAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

JULIE: Where everyone is equal.

MARK: (as Lapis) "Sir Meadow Breeze, these are my friends. They will be accompanying me to Zirconia. I would ask, would you be escorting us along the way?" (as Meadow) "Well, I would, my lord, "but there've been a lot of spotting of creatures. "Rock creatures. The rock dogs have been acting up of late. So myself and many of the other knights have been patrolling.  I do believe that your father's eagerly awaiting you to return. "He's a very excited that the Fire Ruby has been unearthed and is intending to host a joust in its honor. Obviously, some of us haven't been invited to joust, unfortunately, but there'll be many fine champions around.

ASHLEY: Wha-- Hey. So we saw some of those.

MARK: "Hi there, hello."

ASHLEY: Hi. We saw some of those rock dogs out there on our travels.

MARK: "Oh, you did?"

ASHLEY: But also earthquakes.

MARK: "Yes--"

ASHLEY: What was that about? Was that from the mining and the Fire Ruby?

ROGER: The earth ruby?

MARK: She-- ROGER and

ASHLEY: Fire Ruby?

ROGER: Fire Earth Ruby?

LIAM: Have there been any earthquakes here at home?

MARK: "There have been some seismic disturbances around the area, "but the official word is that, of course, these are passing trouble.

JULIE: Fake news. What?

MARK: "(pointed throat clear)"

ROGER: Did this happen after you guys found this Fire Ruby?

MARK: "The timing of which is supposed to be inconsequential. But yes, the earthquakes did begin afterwards.

ASHLEY: After the Fire Ruby was excavated.

JULIE: Excavated.

MARK: "Indeed, indeed."

ASHLEY: Huh. What weird timing.

MARK: "I could not possibly speak." She's looking at Lazuli as she's speaking, who is just like, Yes, it is awfully inconvenient, isn't it? I mean, imagine that. "We unearth the Ruby, and these earthquakes begin. How very strange.

ROGER: So do we-- I mean, as friends, Laz.

MARK: "Yes?"

ROGER: Pony to pony.

MARK: "Oh, I've never been called 'Laz' by an earth pony before, but yes, Whirly. Can I call you Whirl?"

ROGER: Call me Dubs.

MARK: "Dubs?"

ROGER: Call me Dubs.

MARK: "Dubs."

ROGER: Whirl-- It's a W. It's Dubs.

MARK: "I like it, Dubs!"

ROGER: We're getting on the level here.

MARK: "Dubs. "Dubs and Laz!"

ROGER: It's quite possible that your dad--

MARK: "Yes?"

ROGER: -- is causing these earthquakes.

MARK: "He's just a unicorn--"

ROGER: Because he--

MARK: "-- he can't cause earthquakes."

ROGER: -- wants to get that Fire Ruby, and as soon as he got it, he's angered all these rock dogs, and it's possible that they're able to control earthquakes, to some degree.

MARK: "You think? "You think that they are controlling the earthquakes?"

ROGER: It's possible.

MARKEIA: A lot of evidence points towards it, Laz. Maybe we should go speak to the Duke.

MARK: "Yes! You should speak to my father about it and inform him of this, what you've learned. I agree.

MARKEIA: Why don't you want to come with us?

MARK: "I will come with you, "but I am not very good at speaking to Papa. He's very intimidating, and he's always, well, he's always not being-- well, he's always said that I'm not very good at what I do, and that my dreams of being a knight are quite silly.

JULIE: That's ridiculous! You told us that you would like to be jousting someday, and there's going to be a big joust. I didn't hear your name called. Perhaps we could advocate for you if you advocate for us.

MARK: "Oh, well, I mean, I would love to joust, "but it's really supposed to only be pegasus that can, because, you know, it's up in the air, I can't fly. I'd love to--"

ASHLEY: What if I hold you?

JULIE: Mm-hmm!

ASHLEY: I could be your wings.

JULIE: Oh my god. I'm going to cry, you guys.

MARKEIA: I'm sure I can come up with something that would help you float.

ROGER: ♪ Did you ever know that you're my hero? ♪

ASHLEY: You're the wind beneath my wings.

MARK: "Do you mean-- Peaches, really?

ASHLEY: Well, I can figure it out. I mean--

MARK: "Well, I don't think there's ever been a precedence, but--"

ROGER: ♪ (continues to hum "Wind Beneath My Wings") ♪

MARK: "Well, if, hmm. "Maybe we need to disguise you somehow, or something, or perhaps, yes. Oh, we should speak to the historians, "see if there's any sort of precedent "for this thing in Gelderland before."

ASHLEY: I think we should make history today.

MARK: "Yes. "Yes, well. Oh. Well, so Meadow Breeze is-- You're quite-- I've heard that you're quite the jouster, right? "I mean, I've never learnt to joust before. I'll need some training. But would you be willing to train us, Meadow Breeze?" She's like, "Well, I am forbidden from jousting by my lord. He seems to be out of favor with Duke Zircon, so if I can help you joust, Marquis,  then perhaps that's something I can do.

LIAM: Oh! Maybe you could carry him, or maybe some sort of jet pack.

ASHLEY: You could make him wings.

JULIE: (gasps) A jet pack!

MARKEIA: I could do something to help him float and propel him forward.

MARK: "Well, perhaps if you could make something to help me fly. "Then Peaches, you can teach me about flight. Then Sir Meadow Breeze can teach me about jousting. Well, maybe! Maybe I could do it! "Oh, I've always dreamed of it!"

MARKEIA: I feel a training montage coming on. (laughter)

ROGER: ♪ A montage! ♪

MARK: "Should we do it before we arrive in the city? I mean, there's still a few hours before I'm expected to arrive."

LIAM: What if we get you prepped and ready to go to impress Papa.

MARK: "Ooh, do you think? Do you think?!"

MARKEIA: It could be part of the conversation.

ASHLEY: You can show him what you've learned in Equestria.

MARK: "Yes, yes! "That's why I was sent there, you know, to be a bit of a diplomat and learn a few things. Oh, marvelous, yes. "I think this is a spiffing idea. Jolly good!

ASHLEY: I'm in.

LIAM: Well, what do we do first?

MARK: "Well, what do we do? Yes."

ASHLEY: Let's teach this kid how to fly. How to become a knight.

MARK: "Yay!"

JULIE: Hooves in!

ASHLEY: Hooves in!

MARK: "Hooves in!" (neighing)

ASHLEY: We jump and freeze frame.

MARK: Yeah. Yeah!

ASHLEY: ♪ (humming a rock and roll lick) ♪

LIAM: Credits, credits, credits. (laughter)

MARK: All right, so yeah, how are you going to teach Laz to joust and fly? How is this going to work?

MARKEIA: Head to the castle. They have to have a private courtyard somewhere that we could utilize.

MARK: Yeah, if you want to do that, you can head there. Yeah, for sure.

LIAM: Yeah, do you need any laboratory, or are you good on the go?

MARKEIA: Well, it would help me out a lot if, do you have any kind of workshops or laboratories in the castle?

MARK: "Well, we have a few, "we have a few engineers, yes, who make a few things, "but most folks don't do it, but yes, we can do that.

ROGER: I have an idea.

LIAM: Yeah?

ROGER: I'm going to spin super fast.

MARK: Right.""

ROGER: I'm going to spread out all over the kingdom." I'm going to call for all the earth ponies to band together and build whatever you need to help train.

MARK: "What?"

ROGER: And then, secretly, I'm going to say, "You guys got to go on strike, "so that we can get our seats in the arena.

MARK: "What was that?"

ROGER: What? No!

MARK: "What, Dubs?"

ROGER: Because we're going to--

MARK: "I didn't hear you."

ROGER: Dude, Laz, chill!

MARK: "(laughs) Okay! Yes."

ROGER: No, but I think you'll be very impressed, and your father will see what a great jouster you are.

MARK: "Uh-huh!"

ROGER: He'll also be impressed with how much the earth ponies got together to help his own son out.

MARK: "Yes, yes, yes."

ROGER: Maybe they'll get a chance to actually go to the show.

MARK: "Oh yes, yes. Oh, we should definitely--

ROGER: Then also go on strike.

MARK: "We should invite everybody. "We should invite absolutely everybody "to come and watch the tournament."

ROGER: Uprising.

MARK: "Oh, marvelous. "Yay!"

JULIE: Who gave you a Mockingjay pin?

ROGER: What? I don't know.

MARK: "All right. Off we go!"

LIAM: All right, let's find a private place in the castle to start working on that. You do your--

MARKEIA: I find a workshop.

ROGER: -- get all the earth ponies together and build this guy a proper training facility.

LIAM: Okay.

ASHLEY: I'm going to talk to--

LIAM: Seems ambitious.

ASHLEY: I'm going to talk to Laz about flight.

MARK: Uh-huh.

ASHLEY: How the weather works with your wings. Wind. How to flap, how to move, groove, that whole thing.

JULIE: I would like to do a little studying of the stats of the other jousters, so I can start to do a little mathematical finesse so that we can have you understand what your opponents are up to. Then you can just get in there and slay everyone.

MARK: "Oh, yes, yes. "I can probably help with that, "I know all of the other knights, "I know every knight in the kingdom. "I'll point them out, the ones that are expected to be at tourney. Oh yes, certainly, yes, we can do that. "What about you, Tomey, what are you going to do?"

LIAM: Well, I'm going to dig through all the books that I got on Gelderland and see if there's any precedent for not pegasi for jousting in the past, to see if there's any loopholes that we can take advantage of.

MARK: "Yes, absolutely. You should look at the royal library. We've got one in my castle, my father's castle."

LIAM: Ooh.

MARK: "Yes. Excellent. All right."

LIAM: Now that's a horse of a different color!

MARK: All right, so you guys make your way and head off towards Zirconia, the capital of Gelderland. When you arrive, you begin to see more and more of the buildings. It starts off as little stone thatch cottages. Then it builds up into this great walled city, very similar to Canterlot, these beautiful buildings, elegant boutiques, lots and lots of jewelry stores, lots of places with this beautiful engraved jewelry covered in gemstones. You see that the unicorns here wear these flowing-- the ladies dress in beautiful dresses with pointed hats with silks, it's very ren faire, right? Like, you've got very Middle Ages England vibe going on. All the male ponies wear these surcoats. they have spears for the Pegasi Knights and beautiful colors, all engraved. Jewels wound into their manes and in their beards as they move around the city itself. Outside of the city, just as you're making your way in, you also see there is this huge gorge. and there's all this scaffolding being built around as earth ponies mine and chip away. At the center of it, you can see this huge ruby, probably about the size of, you know, 10 feet, 12 feet tall ruby sticking out of the ground.

LIAM: Bigger than a pony.

MARK: Oh, huge, it's massive. They're slowly chipping it away and crumbling the rock around it to excavate it and unearth it. You can see that there are lots of Pegasi Knights watching the earth ponies at work, making sure they're digging this out. You look like you had a question.

LIAM: No, no, I'm just taken away by the storytelling, the size of the ruby.

ASHLEY: Right in the middle of the city?

MARK: Yeah, it's in this gorge, which is just outside the city, basically, and they're lifting it up out onto a-- you can see a scaffolding, like they're using pulleys and ropes to haul this huge ruby up onto this wagon that they are leading into the center of the city itself.

ROGER: That's a big ruby.

LIAM: It's like the Ark of the Covenant.

MARK: Yeah, very Ark of the Covenant vibe, like pulling it up out of the earth and then loading it in. Then the earth ponies begin dragging it away. As you are making your way through the city itself, just before you reach the castle, you hear a commotion, and you see a bunch of masked earth ponies with masks covering the front of their face and hoods. They smash their way out of a jewelry store, the window smashes. They've got tons and tons of necklaces and crowns and rings spilling out of their saddlebags, and they are running for the mountains. They're scooting through the city. They're being chased by Pegasus Knights. Stop, thieves! Come back here. "This bloody rebellion." They're calling out the masked ponies are running off.

LIAM: Go ahead.

MARKEIA: I throw a bunch of my glooberstoppers at them.

MARK: At the thieves?

MARKEIA: At the thieves.

MARK: Great, yeah, sure, make a body, because you're throwing it with accuracy and then the gadgets as well. So you can make a test for both of your talents there.

MARKEIA: A four and a four. But four on the body, so I'll roll a d6.

MARK: Okay, yeah, so your body's your lowest, so yeah you get to roll a d6.

MARKEIA: Four!

MARK: Okay. So four, four, and four. Okay. Ash, did you have something? I saw you, like--

ASHLEY: Did the pegasus run away-- the knight pegasus, did a lot of them run away from the ruby?

MARK: Mmm, yes, I think--

ASHLEY: Is the ruby a bit vulnerable?

MARK: Yeah, well, the earth ponies, the earth pony miners are still pulling it towards the castle, but the knights see this commotion and they swerve off chasing after the thieves.

ASHLEY: I'm going to start trotting alongside the ruby.

MARK: Okay. You got a four, did you say, Markeia, on the thing?

MARKEIA: Four was the highest.

MARK: So the earth ponies turn to you. One of them, who's got this scar down the side of his face, glares at you, sees you throwing the things in the ground. As he's running, he quickly grabs a table from a restaurant with his mouth and throws it so it lands on the gooberstoppers and he jumps on it and then jumps off. As he passes, he's just like-- you hear a, "Dirty unicorns, don't try and stop us!" Then he runs off and the gang following behind.

LIAM: Well, I'm going to chuck my heaviest book, Tighter Buns in 30 Days, at that main pony's head and see if I can't knock him out.

MARK: Sure, that's a body check, I think, I don't think you can really pull off studying because it's just throwing the book rather than using it.

LIAM: Yeah, it's just heaving a book. Five.

MARK: Oh. So as you fling the book, you seem him turn. he falls into a roll on the side as the book sails past. It lands in a unicorn pony's soup, and his monocle pops out. Oh my goodness! As the soup splashes over. But the other pony rolls over and he's just-- he looks over, he's like, "Mate, "what do you think you're doing? "Don't help them." He starts running off again.

LIAM: No. Class warfare!

MARKEIA: For the last possible thing before they get out. I use my telekinesis to put one of my trackers on him.

MARK: Sure, yeah, okay. So yeah, body and telekinesis, I think, so again it's trying to (whooshes). Oh, actually no, it'd be mind, because it's a spell. So mind and telekinesis.

MARKEIA: Tracker! Oh, eight! I got an eight out of the--

MARK: Okay, so you can roll and see if you get higher.

MARKEIA: Okay, so, d10.

MARK: Yeah, this is going to be a flat difficulty.

MARKEIA: Eight.

MARK: Eight. Yeah. That didn't help.

MARK: I think eight's going to be enough. Eight is extremely hard, and trying to fling this tracker onto a very agile pony, you (whooshes) flick with your horn and this little tiny bug, what does it look like? Do you have a particular-- how it looks?

MARKEIA: It looks like a little spider.

MARK: So it catches onto his dull gray tail. It just clamps onto his mane and he doesn't seem to notice. He runs off towards the mountains. The guards call after him. "Stop, stop!" They start chasing off. One of them does stop and he's like, Oh, thank you for your assistance, visitors. It's very kind of you to try and stop these-- these rebels have been causing all sorts of trouble around the city."

JULIE: I am curious--

MARK: "Oh, milady."

JULIE: -- what can you tell us-- Thank you. And to you. What sort of trouble are you talking about? Sounds like they're trying to make a point about something. Do you have any idea what the point is?

MARK: "Oh, the only point they're trying to make is that, well, they don't feel that they're getting what they deserve. They've been stealing supplies, "trying to take-- stealing gemstones, trying to disrupt the guards.

JULIE: Well, do they have anything to begin with? Are they stealing because the people here aren't giving them enough?

MARK: "Well. "Of course they are, milady. "I mean, Duke Zircon makes sure that everybody gets, you know, a fair share of what's earned, appropriate to the work that they do. "But some of these earth ponies, they feel that they, you know, they deserve more than what they have. Unlike civilized folk, where they've tried to petition for it, these thieves have done nothing but break the law "and cause trouble."

JULIE: I'd very much like to speak with one of these thieves at some point.

MARK: "Oh, you shouldn't tangle with them, milady. "They're very-- they've been known to do all sorts of things, throwing milkshakes over unicorns."

JULIE: Oh, that'd delicious.

MARK: "All sorts of terrible--"

JULIE: I don't mind that at all.

ROGER: At this point, the ruby's still kind of vulnerable?

MARK: Yeah, so you two have been plotting something while this has been going on.

ROGER: Yeah, because I'm thinking we got to talk to some of these earth ponies.

ASHLEY: Yep.

ROGER: Maybe we buy a little bit of good faith gesture with the Duke, if we as the earth ponies who are still working around this thing, decide to just go take it back and put it back in the ground and stop all the earthquakes.

MARK: Okay. That's what you guys want to try?

ROGER: What do you think?

ASHLEY: Is there an area where the ponies are taking the cart that's a little bit darker, an alleyway that we can sort of--

MARK: I think that they're taking it down the main street, but there are alleyways alongside it. So you could try and divert it down. Like you could try and cause it something so they have to turn off.

ASHLEY: We could just trot alongside them and talk to them.

ROGER: That's what I'm thinking.

ASHLEY: We'll each take a side.

ROGER: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Trot alongside them.

MARK: Okay. So whilst the other three are dealing with these thieves and speaking to the guard, you've been trotting alongside these earth ponies who look over. They look over to Whirlypoo and they're like, "All right, mate." Then they look at you and like, "Oh, sir."

ASHLEY: Oh, oh, you don't have to do any of that.

MARK: "Oh, are you not a knight?"

ASHLEY: Uh.

MARK: "I'm guessing no."

ASHLEY: Well, of sorts. I dabble in a lot of things. Where I'm from, we're allowed to do whatever we want.

MARK: "Really?"

ASHLEY: Listen. We had some things that we wanted to discuss with you guys. You have some things you want to tell them?

ROGER: Guys.

ASHLEY: As an earth pony?

ROGER: Listen.

MARK: "Yeah?"

ROGER: I feel for you right now.

ASHLEY: Big time.

MARK: "Why?"

ROGER: Because this isn't fair.

MARK: "What's not fair?"

ROGER: This whole system that you guys are being oppressed by, it just doesn't work. I mean, look at me. My name's Whirlypoo.

MARK: "You're cool."

ROGER: Thank you very much.

ASHLEY: He's very cool.

MARK: "Yeah?"

ASHLEY: Yeah.

ROGER: Where I'm from, everybody gets a fair chance. Everybody gets a fair shake, and I want that for you as well. So here's what we're thinking.

MARK: "What, do you want me to come and move to where you're from?"

ROGER: No, no.

ASHLEY: One day, but wait, where are you taking this thing?

MARK: "We're taking it up to the Duke's castle. He's going to to have it mounted for the tournament grounds. "It's great, he's invited everyone to come and watch!"

ROGER: But has the Duke been complaining about these earthquakes? Is it messing up the stucco in his really nice place?

MARK: "No, no, he's had all the earth ponies "making sure it gets repaired "as soon as anything breaks."

ROGER: Exactly, but those earth ponies could be doing other things to help out everybody in the castle, right? Instead of just fixing his earthquake-damaged stucco?

ASHLEY: Do you know what his plan for the ruby is?

MARK: "He's going to give it away to whoever wins the joust. "It's going to be a champion of the realm."

ALL: Oh.

ROGER: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Laz.

MARK: "Of course, the Duke's champion has won every year. He's won every tournament ever since--

ASHLEY: Who?

MARK: "The Duke's champion."

ASHLEY: Do we know who the Duke's champion is this year?

MARK: "Oh, I don't know. "He picks it every year differently."

ASHLEY: He does? Listen. Carry on.

MARK: "All right, I will."

ASHLEY: But we're going to see it-- anytime you want to come to Equestria, here's my number. I'll hook you up with whoever you want to see, whatever you want to do. Wherever you want to eat.

MARK: "Do you know the princess one? We hear about her all the time.

ASHLEY: I do.

MARK: "Really?"

ASHLEY: Yep.

MARK: "Oh, wow!"

ASHLEY: "Yeah, she's one of my pretty good friends."

MARK: "Really?"

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah.

MARK: "Oh, yeah. "You must be a famous pegasus."

ASHLEY: I'm pretty famous.

MARK: "Wow!"

ASHLEY: You know, I'm pretty famous. I play music. I tour. I've played cafes here, actually.

MARK: "Oh, look at that, Dug!"

ROGER: She opened up for Boston.

ASHLEY: I opened up for Boston.

MARK: "I don't know who they are, "but that sounds great."

ROGER: In Chicago.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARK: "Yeah."

ASHLEY: It's pretty great. But you know what? I'm sure we'll see you guys here pretty soon.

MARK: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. "Oh man, me and Dug, we'll come and see you, isn't that right, Dug?

ASHLEY: Please.

MARK: (as Dug) "Yeah, man."

ASHLEY: Got a place for you to stay. Everything.

MARKEIA: It's an earth pony named Dug.

ROGER: Dug.

MARK: "Yeah, Dug. ROGER and

ASHLEY: Dug.

MARK: "I'm Dig. That's Dug."

ROGER: That's Dug.

ASHLEY: Dig and Dug.

ROGER: Dig Dug.

MARK: (as Dig) "Yeah. What? What's your name?

ROGER: Whirlypoo.

MARK: (laughs) "It's got poo in it."

ROGER: It does! (laughter)

ROGER: I know, man, you're finally the only one who got it.

ASHLEY: These are the types of things you can do in Equestria. You can have a name like Whirlypoo.

MARK: "Oh, that's great. "Oh, brilliant."

ROGER: Do you not chuckle every time he says the name Duke? (laughing)

MARK: "That's funny. Don't get it."

ROGER: I don't either.

MARK: "All right. Bye, then!

ASHLEY: Bye.

ROGER: Bye!

MARK: "Say bye, Dug." (as Dug) "Bye." ASHLEY AND

ROGER: Bye, Dug.

MARK: They just trot towards the castle.

ASHLEY: All right, let's go find everybody and let them know.

MARK: You guys sync back up. Laz is giving a statement to the Knights. "It was terrible. "I saw those earth ponies jump through the window, went dashing off with a sinister look in their eye. But, but, my great friends from Equestria were quick to leap to the kingdom of Gelderland's defense. Especially," and he begins regaling all those who can hear the story of the three of you desperately trying to assist.

LIAM: Yeah, yeah. We're a pretty crack team from Equestria. We get shit done.

MARK: "They've been escorting me here. "They're very brave ponies, you know. "I'm privileged to have them with me as well. Are we done? We should leave. Before those brigands come back."

MARKEIA: To the courtyard.

LIAM: Well, let's go. What's the matter?

ASHLEY: So listen. We learned some things. We talked to the amazing earth ponies, Dig and Dug. They were taking the ruby. And whoever wins the tournament wins the Fire Ruby.

JULIE: (gasps)

MARKEIA: Well, Laz could win the tournament.

ASHLEY: So Laz, you could win the Fire Ruby.

MARK: "Yes, and then, you know what? "We could put it back, "and we'll stop the earthquakes "if you think that that's what's causing them. But then I could also, I could also-- we could maybe-- technically, I could bequeath it to the earth ponies as a statement, like 'Yes, we're all friends.' "Like I'm going to give this to them and they should get a share of-- or something or something like that maybe, yes?"

LIAM: The winner of the tournament gets this kind of latitude? Decrees?

MARK: "I think so. Well, I think it's more of a case of, "you know, if the ruby comes to me, "I can do what I want with it, can't I? I'd own it?

ASHLEY: I think so.

MARK: "Yes, we could just put it back in the ground, "but maybe we could-- (gasps) We could make a garden around it! And it'll be Marquis Lazuli's Garden for earth ponies or something." And it'll be Marquis Lazuli's Garden for earth ponies or something.

JULIE: Then it could be shared for everyone?

MARK: "Yes, marvelous."

MARKEIA: But never taken out of the ground again.

MARK: "Yes, yes."

ASHLEY: That's key.

MARK: "We'll have guards so it doesn't get taken."

LIAM: Yeah, you put it on a plaque, that'll take care of it.

MARK: "Who wouldn't do what a plaque says? "That's what I say. "You know who? Brigands."

LIAM: Well, that's true. Well, maybe a good faith gesture like this would change the brigands' minds?

MARK: "I think you're right. "I think you're right. "I think that it's like you said. "Things are done differently here "than they are in Equestria. We should bring some Equestrian know how to Gelderland.

JULIE: Hear hear!

MARKEIA: Yay!

MARK: "Yay!" (clapping)

MARK: "You seem conflicted."

ROGER: Yeah, because it sounds like you're just trying to stick all the earth ponies in one part of the land.

MARK: "No, no, to go and visit and look at. "'Oh, it's nice, isn't it lovely?'"

JULIE: Isn't it for everyone?

ROGER: Okay. That's what I thought, but he was like, "It's a park for the earth ponies."

MARK: "No, no, I meant in name."

ROGER: Let's keep an eye on all of them over here in this little park that they're building for--

LIAM: One trot at a time. Little steps.

ROGER: Yeah, baby steps.

MARKEIA: We still have to get to training and I still have to build--

MARK: Yes, yes.

JULIE: Let's not put the joust before the horse here.

ASHLEY: Should we go talk to your dad?

MARK: (gasping) Let's train first.

ASHLEY: We should train first.

JULIE: We want him to be able to show how wonderful he is first.

MARK: "Well, he doesn't need to know I'm back "right away. Maybe I've got important business "I need to take care of."

LIAM: All right, well, let's go sequester ourselves off somewhere.

ASHLEY: Let's do it.

LIAM: Get you into tournament shape.

MARK: "Yes. Well, if-- we could go-- the tourney grounds, if they're still preparing for the tournament, "they should be fairly quiet."

ASHLEY: Let's do it.

MARKEIA: Great!

ASHLEY: So you can practice in the environment that you'll be.

MARK: "Yay! "Now do you all know how a joust works? That's clapping.

ROGER: Not when you don't have hands.

ASHLEY: I've been to a lot of ren faires.

MARK: "Yes? So you understand the rules of joust.

ASHLEY: I've seen Mane of Thrones.

MARK: "Oh, right, good, okay. "What about the rest of you, all understand the rules?"

MARKEIA: I spend a lot of time indoors, but I think I get the gist of it.

MARK: "All right, so it's very--"

ROGER: The joust of it.

ASHLEY: The gist of the joust?

MARK: "The gist of the joust? "Oh, you're so funny, I love it. (laughing haughtily) What friends. (laughter)

MARK: "Well, it's very simple, Trixie, all right? "So it's the best of three lances. Both Pegasi start at opposite ends of the run. Then as you hurdle down, you are attempting to strike the other pony and either send them plummeting to the ground "or to break lances on their shield or armor, you see."

LIAM: Nobody gets hurt in this scenario.

MARK: "No, the lances are made of wood that breaks very easily. I mean, you need to be sturdy and tough. You know, it's not-- you need to be sturdy and strong, like a true knight.

ASHLEY: We could always give you one that would hurt someone.

MARK: "No, no, I wouldn't want to do that. No, these are fine, noble champions. I mean (stammering) I never thought of that before.  You don't think somebody would try and do that to somebody else, do you?"

MARKEIA: Well, no, I'd like to think they wouldn't.

ASHLEY: Well, I mean if I thought of it.

MARK: (gasps) (shudders) "Well, anyway."

ASHLEY: It's okay.

MARK: "It's something we should consider."

LIAM: Here it's more of a martial art with an emphasis on the art. Do I understand correctly?

MARK: "It's a show of honor and sportsmanship to determine who is sturdy and strong of heart and brave and a true. "That's why I've always wanted to be a knight. I think thinks that's the best thing you can be, isn't it?

LIAM: Well, let's quit horsing around and get to work.

MARK: "Yes. Well, so you know, it's three best of three lances.

ASHLEY: Best of three lances.

ROGER: Boo.

MARK: "You get one point for breaking your lance on a pony's shield.

ROGER: That was a steaming pile.

MARK: "One point for breaking a lance on a pony's shield. You get two points for breaking a lance on a pony's body, on their barding."

MARKEIA: Okay.

MARK: "If you knock a pony out of the air, "you win automatically "and you get a share of their land's gemstones for a year."

ALL: Wow.

MARK: "So it's very, very-- So the lords and ladies, the other unicorns will only send their best knights "to a joust like this."

MARKEIA: Makes sense, there's a lot on the line. Okay. I'm going to need the workshop--

MARK: "But it's all right, "I've got lots of gems to spare."

LIAM: Let's get you in shape. I take out a bunch of my heavy books in an old timey school-- because you used to carry them in a belt, right? I hand these over to Laz. You can start pumping pages.

MARK: "Pumping pages, I like it."

ROGER: The little bits of armor that I've got-- yes!

ASHLEY: ♪ (flute playing 'You're the Best Around')

MARKEIA: Montage!

MARK: So we see the montage built round.

ROGER: I give you my armor.

MARK: Okay, so we'll go around, and you can all describe how you're going to help Laz in his training montage and what you're doing to build him up. For every success, we'll give him a bonus when he comes to the joust, when he starts jousting. Because we'll assume that Trixie has enough time to build some sort of flying machine. How well it works, we'll make some checks for, but he'll definitely have some ability to fly. But now it's going to determine how well you train him. So we'll start with Tomey, who's going to give him the books and help him train.

LIAM: Right. so I'm going to have him-- I'm going to toughen him up. So he's going to lift, and I have another book and I'm going to hit him right in his flank until he doesn't react anymore.

MARK: Okay.

LIAM: Until he's hard as stone.

MARK: Okay. So I guess this would be a use of body and your books. So I guess this would be a | use of body and your books. Because you're picking out the heaviest the books for him to lift.

LIAM: Sure. Sure, studying.

MARK: I'll give it to you.

LIAM: Thank you.

MARK: It's a one shot.

LIAM: A five, and then for study, a six.

MARK: Okay, let me write these down so we can get a list. Where'd I put my pen? So we had a six.

LIAM: Get your head in the game! (laughter)

MARK: "Oh, yes, ow, ooh, eugh."

LIAM: You're a warrior!

MARK: "Oh, this actually hurts, can you please stop for a minute? "Oh, I just need a break. "All right, let's go, let's do it again, come on." He's lifting the books as he goes. He runs up some steps.

ROGER: Drinks raw eggs.

LIAM: (grunts)

MARK: (pained grunts) (laughter)

MARK: "I'm ready!" So that was Tomey's little segment. We see a clip of that. Countess Pi. Do you have something, or does-- Yeah, feel free to jump in if somebody has an idea.

JULIE: Well, as I said before, I've been studying all of your opponents.

MARK: Yes.

JULIE: I have a way for you to understand when another opponent is coming at you, and you can block it appropriately, or turn because of the angle.

MARK: So you're going to watch their-- You're going to study the other knights and figure out their weaknesses and things using the power of math. Okay, mind, and then your counting talent, I think.

JULIE: Okay. Mind is a seven, and counting talent is a five.

MARK: Okay, so the seven is going to be the highest one there. Okay. Anybody else?

ROGER: Yeah.

MARK: Okay, go, Roger.

ROGER: All the little bits of armor that I had left.

MARK: Uh-huh.

ROGER: I'm going to give it to him. Okay, it's heavy duty armor, remember that.

MARK: Yeah, it's heavy barding, yeah.

ROGER: Heavy armor, and then I'm going to give them the binoculars.

MARK: Okay.

ROGER: So that as they're squaring off from far away, he can see, it's like a poker tell.

MARK: Okay.

ROGER: He can already see like, "Oh, this guy favors his left side."

MARK: Okay.

ROGER: That means with all the angular math data that I'm getting, and with all the kidney punches I've been taking.

LIAM: Hard learning.

ROGER: Hard learning. I'm going to be able to, right off the bat, know like, "Okay, that's that guy's weakness."

JULIE: It's going to be a whole iron pony thing.

ROGER: Yeah, totally.

MARK: So you're going to help, with Trixie's help, build a helmet with the binoculars built in.

ROGER: Robopony.

MARK: Okay, but you're going to give him the armor.

ROGER: Yep. And the binoculars.

MARK: Okay. So I'm not going to have you roll, but I'm going to just give him a flat bonus because you're giving something, you're giving your thing that you love, your binoculars away.

ROGER: Okay!

MARK: You're going to give them to him. So we're not going to have you roll.

ROGER: So in other words, it was a crappy idea.

MARK: Well, no, no, no!

ROGER: And I don't get to roll for it.

MARK: No, that's not true.

ROGER: That's fine.

MARK: You only roll when there's a chance you might fail at something.

ROGER: Oh.

MARK: You can't fail at giving something to him. So I'm just going to make a note.

ROGER: Okay.

MARK: And we'll give probably-- When Trixie comes to build her suit, we'll give Trixie Gadgets a bonus.

ROGER: Okay, cool.

MARK: Because you're giving up your things to help make it. So we'll give Trixie a bonus.

ROGER: I'm fine with it. I'm fine. JULIE and

ROGER: (high-pitched noises)

MARK: Peaches, do you have an idea?

ASHLEY: Well, I was going to wait to help.

LIAM: Ponybro?

ASHLEY: With once Trixie gets the wings on him, I'm going to show him how to get in flight.

MARK: Okay, perfect. So do you want to build some sort of flying machine?

MARKEIA: Yes, I believe it has to be in three parts. There has to be the part that connects to Laz. There has to be the floating mechanism, and then there has to be a decorative aspect for it because he is the son of the Duke.

MARK: Hmm, okay, okay.

ROGER: Duke.

MARK: Sure. So let's do three rolls, then.

ROGER: Dookie.

MARK: So the mechanism that just is attached to his body is less of a gadget, it's probably going to be more of the engineering, because it's actually just making a harness for him, as opposed to invention. So we'll do an engineering plus mind for that one.

MARKEIA: Engineering plus mind?

MARK: Yeah. Then we'll have his, we'll have his iron pony suit.

LIAM: [Inaudible]

MARKEIA: A five.

MARK: Okay, five. Okay, good to know. And then for-- okay. So when you're going to actually make the mechanism to help it fly and incorporate the binoculars, so he's got an easier time, upgrade your gadgets by one dice size. So just for this one roll, thanks to Whirlypoo. See, it was good!

ROGER: It was least I could "do."

JULIE: No.

ROGER: Yeah!

JULIE: No.

ROGER: Up top!

ASHLEY: Up top.

ROGER: Come on. (laughter)

MARKEIA: Okay, so that'd be with gadgets and mind, again?

MARK: And mind, yes, absolutely. You're using your--

ROGER: Thank you so much for not leaving me hanging because I deserve to be--

ASHLEY: High hoof!

ROGER: -- left hanging after--

MARKEIA: Oh, eight! I got an eight on the eight.

MARK: You can roll and see if you get, roll a d10. See if you get any higher.

MARKEIA: No, that was a three. So eight.

MARK: Okay, so eight. That's really good, though. Then the last one is the decorative element.

MARKEIA: Right.

MARK: So I think you're going to use your charm here, but you're still going to use your invention, gadgets, is there a way?

MARKEIA: Engineering? I can do my telekinesis for this.

MARK: How are you going to use it? Tell me.

MARKEIA: The telekinesis because I'm magic. So I've already made the framework with everything. I have to put these very thinly sliced gemstones into the decorative aspects to set it.

MARK: There you go. Absolutely, you can roll telekinesis then. Sure, I'm convinced.

MARKEIA: Telekinesis.

MARK: So yeah, so charm and telekinesis.

MARKEIA: Okay.

MARK: Because the charm is the knowing how to make it look good. It's knowing beauty and everything else, what is going to be stylish.

MARKEIA: Three.

MARK: Three is the highest?

MARKEIA: I spend a lot of time by myself. I'm going to reroll.

MARK: You're going to spend it?

MARKEIA: Yeah.

MARK: Okay, yeah. So throw that this way.

MARKEIA: Oh, that was excellent.

MARK: That was kind of amazing, actually.

MARKEIA: That was the best throw ever.

LIAM: No whammies.

MARKEIA: Six!

ALL: Yes!

MARK: Okay.

MARKEIA: So do I do a exploding hoof--

MARK: Oh, is it the highest?

MARKEIA: -- on that one?

MARK: Yeah, absolutely. If it's the highest dice, yeah.

MARKEIA: Okay.

MARK: So d8. See if you get any higher.

MARKEIA: Seven!

MARK: Seven.

ASHLEY: Yes!

MARK: Even better. Okay. So what does this suit finally look like? Is it like a harness around his waist? What's the flotation device like?

MARKEIA: Okay, so it is like a cradle. It's this mesh that goes over all of his body, to then, because it gets out of the way of the spear in the jousting. The flotation device itself is that it uses a gravitational pull to push him away from the earth.

MARK: Okay.

MARKEIA: But it is calibrated to not give him any advantages more than other pegasus have. So it's not like he's super turbo powered.

MARK: Okay.

MARKEIA: It's that he has the same amount as anybody else.

JULIE: That's actually the definition of equity. It's actually just pushing up to that level.

MARKEIA: Yeah, so he can-- yeah.

MARK: There you go, I love it.

MARKEIA: And that adjusts just with him doing his hooves to get to the level that he wants to go.

LIAM: Ack, ack, ack!

JULIE: E-queen, equine. No.

MARK: Then the style is, you said, thinly sliced gemstones in a pattern around it.

MARKEIA: Yeah. So it's a pattern around it, and a little bit of a cape thing because he is a son of a Duke.

MARK: Okay.

ROGER: Duke.

MARK: Okay. All right. Okay. (laughter)

ROGER: The look.

MARK: I didn't know-- If that was me, I was just making notes like that. I definitely wasn't disappointed.

ROGER: It's just, Liam's being judgemental.

MARK: Oh, Liam's being judgemental.

LIAM: We are here to make puns. LIAM and

ROGER: Are you not entertained?

MARK: More horse puns, the better. So from a shed attached to the stable grounds, the tournament grounds, you hear whirling and clanking and banging and explosions.

MARKEIA: Oh my god, gadgets!

MARK: Then the doors burst open, and there is a puff of steam and smoke. In this metal mesh suit made from armor. Yeah, this (whirring, clanking footsteps). Gleaming, his silver mane flowing behind him, his pale blue body still showing through on parts of it, emerges this Robopony jousting machine.

ROGER: Comply.

MARK: Yeah. With these gizmos and gadgets all over him. The visor has got the binoculars and they zoom out a little bit and he comes up. "So how do I look?" (laughter)

ASHLEY: Wow.

MARK: "Yes, it looks good?"

MARKEIA: Amazing!

ASHLEY: Looks really good.

JULIE: Y'all look fantastic.

MARKEIA: Wow!

ASHLEY: That is great work, Trixie.

MARKEIA: Thank you. This is the best thing I've ever invented!

MARK: "This is incredible. "If Celestia won't have you as a gadget maker in the courts, certainly we will have you here in Gelderland. This is incredible."

MARKEIA: Wow!

ROGER: Job offer.

MARK: "This is incredible. I don't know what to say, friends. Without all of you, "I never thought I'd have the chance to joust and fly and participate in a tourney like this. I couldn't have done this without all of you.

LIAM: We're going to make this happen and it will be a knight like no other.

MARK: "Yes."

ROGER: Wow.

MARK: "It will."

ROGER: That was the name of my high school prom night.

MARK: "Oh, I think the tournament is during the day, though, Tomey."

ROGER: K-N-I-G-H-T.

MARK: "It's not at night."

LIAM: Well, there goes my pun.

MARKEIA: Maybe K-N-I-G-H-T.

ROGER: That's what it was.

MARK: "Oh, knight! "Like a-- Oh! "(laughing haughtily) Wonderful!

ROGER: So much less funny if you have to explain it.

LIAM: Those are the best jokes.

MARK: "Oh, oh, I'm sorry."

MARKEIA: No, that's fine, friends explain jokes to each other all the time.

MARK: "Yes! "Very good! (laughs haughtily) Spiffing!" And he's like, "Right! "Well, I guess now I need to practice flying, don't I?"

ASHLEY: Let's do it.

MARK: "All right, okay." Is there a certain way that he activates his flight, or does he just like--

MARKEIA: It's literally just pushing up from the ground and then just keep on doing this until you get to the level that you want.

MARK: "Okay, here we go. "Yeah!" He pushes up and he's like, "I'm doing it! I'm-- whoa!" He spins around a little bit and he has to reorientate himself and spin around.

ASHLEY: I fly around him, beside him, and help him out a little bit.

MARK: Okay, yeah, so he's like, "Oh, thank you, Peaches, thank you. Right."

ASHLEY: You're getting it, you're getting it!

MARK: "Oh, I forgot my lance, hang on." He goes back down and he uses his telekinesis to pick up one of these training lances, and he holds that and a shield. He's like, "Right. Okay, well, I--"

ASHLEY: I'm going to have my spear.

MARK: "Oh, right, yes, I should block your strike."

ASHLEY: Let's-- I'm going to help you practice with that because now that that's another talent is my spear, I'm going to help you learn how to fly.

JULIE: Remember everything you've learned about being able to see, perceive ahead of time where she might be going.

MARK: "I'm going to watch very carefully, right. You go to the far end, I'll go to this end. (stammering)" He wobbles his way over. He gets in position.

LIAM: The amateurish flute sounds of "Eye Of The Tiger" start wafting across the field.

LIAM, MARK, and ROGER: ♪ (poor flute playing) ♪

MARK: Just the occasional duff note.

MARKEIA: You're getting really good with that, Tomey.

MARK: He floats up into position, he's like, "All right, Peaches, come at me! Come at me! He's got his shield ready.

ASHLEY: Start flying towards him.

MARK: Okay.

ASHLEY: Here we go! But I have the spear at the butt end.

MARK: Okay, so you're going to use the flat end. So you're going to make a--

ROGER: Butt!

MARK: -- body, and-- I guess you're using both flying and the spear. So roll both talents, I guess, like, yeah. This is perfect for you, this is a great setup.

ASHLEY: Eugh! I rolled a two on my d6, and then a one on the d4.

MARK: Okay. What about the-- Is it body or flying, is the other d6?

ASHLEY: Body, oh, flying.

MARK: That should be d6, I think, for pegasus. So see what you get.

ASHLEY: Ooh, I rolled a six.

MARK: Six, so that's the highest, so roll a d8, see if you get any higher. Get the exploding hoof.

MARKEIA: Ooh! ROGER and

LIAM: Eight!

ASHLEY: I rolled an eight.

MARK: Roll a d10. (cheering)

ROGER: Exploding hoof!

MARK: So this is-- and it keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger, so if you roll a d10, it goes to a d12. If you get a 12.

ASHLEY: It just keeps going.

MARKEIA: Roll a d10.

LIAM: Let it ride!

ASHLEY: I rolled a 10.

ROGER: 10! (cheering)

MARK: Roll a d12!

ROGER: d12!

MARK: Roll a d12, man.

LIAM: Come on, Johnson!

ASHLEY: Seven.

MARK: What was that?

ROGER: Seven.

MARK: Seven. So the 10 is the highest.

ASHLEY: 10 is the highest.

MARK: So you come speeding towards him. This is just multiple attempts, right? Like you-- You may not know how to joust, but you know how to fly, and that's the thing he needs to learn the most. He knows jousting, he's watched it. So you tailor the training for that. You hit him, but you constantly are trying to knock him off balance until he gets better at righting himself. Then you swap and you have him charge you.

ASHLEY: Great.

MARK: You'll dodge out the way so he misses, but then he keeps repeating it, repeating it, repeating it, until he's accurately coming down and he can fly in a straight line. He can strike, and then he can return and spin around. He's nailed it. He's got it down a hundred percent. So that was, yeah.

JULIE: You're doing fantastic!

ASHLEY: You're doing so great!

MARK: "Countess, thank you, yes. "I couldn't have-- This is fantastic. "I feel ready. I feel pumped. I'm a knight. "I'm a warrior. "I'm going to rule the world!"

JULIE: Um!

LIAM: (stammering)

MARK: "I'm going to be really good to other people "and make a great time of everything."

JULIE: That one's better.

MARKEIA: Excellent, so talk to your father!

MARK: "No, absolutely not! "No, I'm going to go hide in the shed now." He floats down.

JULIE: I would like to use my power of empathy to try to connect with Lord Laz here, to try to get him to maybe consider--

MARK: So charm and d4. What are you going to say to him?

JULIE: Great. Right now, or roll first?

MARK: You can say now.

JULIE: Okay. Lord Laz. I certainly understand that you have never stood up to your father before, and that is understandable. Because y'all have such a system here. A hierarchy. But you have your own power. Now you have the power of all our friendship. Now I believe you have family in your friends. We'd be happy to help you talk to your father. We believe that your father will see how wonderful you are, and you'll be able to put the ruby back in the ground. Then all the crazy bad, bad things will stop happening. Then the earth will stop-- the non-earth was stop shaking, and everything will be better. Then Gadgets over here will have gadgets and everything will be happy.

LIAM: You got to be in it to win it.

JULIE: What do you say?

LIAM: You got to shake it to break it. You got to flounce it to pounce in it.

JULIE: Five for charm.

MARK: "Can you come up with any more? "They're very helpful."

LIAM: Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip.

MARK: So it was a five?

JULIE: Five for charm. Oh, and then the empathy's--

MARK: And roll a d4, yeah, empathy's the d4. But remember if you get the max, you get to roll the next one up.

JULIE: Okay, well, hold on. That's a three.

MARK: Okay, so five was the highest.

JULIE: Yeah.

MARK: Okay. I'm going to roll it against his mind to see if his fear is going to be stronger. So he looks at-- he's listening to Tomey and then when you finish speaking he's like, "You're right. "You're right, Pi. "It's time that I go and face him. I'm going to tell him that I'm jousting, and that I've made wonderful friends in Equestria "of all pony types. That it's time for him to acknowledge me as the stallion that I am. "Let's go! Let's do it now. Come on, come with me!

MARKEIA: Let's do it!

ASHLEY: I'm in.

LIAM: Time to strike!

JULIE: Hooray!

MARK: You begin making your way towards the castle. You can see it's far more utilitarian. It's this bleak stone gray. Parapets with Pegasi Knights patrolling them. A big angry drawbridge, and you can see gems have been encrusted into the walls. It's ostentatious, but also a little bit intimidating, It's got this big imposing tower rising high up into the air. You can see the Pegasus Knights as Marquis Lazuli approaches. They bow their heads and open the doors, and they go to stop the rest of you and he's like, "No, they're with me. "They're coming with me to see my father. Right?

ROGER: That's right!

MARKEIA: Yes.

MARK: "Yes, yes, yes, yes. They're coming with me. "Yes, they're coming with me." The knights are like, "Of course, milord, "if that's what you wish. "On your way." You make your way through the castle, and it leads into a large, long corridor with a big red velvet carpet that runs all the way down  to a throne, and sat on the throne is a very-- he would have once been quite  a bulky, very strong-looking unicorn, but he has this big gut hanging out that actually touches the ground.

ROGER: Gross.

MARK: He's got a really greasy looking mane. He's got a thin mustache over his lips. He's hovering a big goblet of juice that he's (loud slurp) "Oh, very good. (loud slurp) "Mmm." (eating sounds) As he's being fed. There's an earth pony there who's stood there with a tray on his head and it's got glasses and he's just looking very sad. There are Pegasi Knights on either side. As you begin making your way down, the fellow at the end, it's like, "Oh! Well, my boy, you've returned, I see. Oh, welcome, welcome. Address the Marquis Lapis Lazuli Starbolt, my son. Here he comes." Some trumpeteer earth ponies appear from side bits and they go. (depressed off-key trumpeting) He's like, "Oh, useless! Go on, clear off. So how was Equestria, my boy? I hope they've not put any silly ideas in your head.

ROGER: Who would give him those ideas?

MARK: "What is this? "What is this? "You've brought some rabble with ye."

ASHLEY: Rabble?

MARKEIA: No, we're all part of the elite escort, the guard that brought your son here in the first place.

MARK: "Oh, forgive me, Lady-- what's your name?"

MARKEIA: Trixie Gadgets.

MARK: "Lady Gadgets, my apologies. "I didn't realize that you were sent by the princesses to escort my son. What a strange little bunch to send. "Did she not have enough pegasi to send with him?"

JULIE: Oh, she had plenty, but she chose those of us who had the heart and the mind and the generosity and all the love in the world to be able to bring your son back to you in one piece.

MARK: He sneers at you and from behind you, halfway down the corridor. (as Laz) "(high-pitched) Yes, Father! "They've come with me. "Friends."

JULIE: Come, Lord Laz. Closer.

ROGER: Laz, you've got this.

MARK: He trots up behind you and he's doing his best to stand straight.

ASHLEY: I quietly start playing the flute behind him. An inspirational tune.

MARK: Okay, give me a charm and flute roll. Sure.

ASHLEY: ♪ (humming the theme to Rocky) ♪

LIAM: Can I support her?

MARK: Sure, yeah, you guys can do what you want. You want to roll charm and flute as well?

LIAM: I'll do the harmony.

MARK: Yeah. ASHLEY and

LIAM: ♪ (hum the theme from "Rocky") ♪

ASHLEY: I rolled a six out of an eight.

MARK: Okay. Then your-- is that just for the charm or is that for flute?

ASHLEY: That's just for the charm, so let me roll the flute as well.

ROGER: (hums loudly)

MARK: What'd you get?

ASHLEY: Five.

LIAM: I didn't roll anything. Do I do a charm?

MARK: Yeah, roll your--

LIAM: Charm is a three and then a five for my amateur-- Oh no. Would I do a four for my new talent?

MARK: Yes, a d4 for the new talent.

LIAM: So we'll say five for the charm and four for the--

MARK: So roll a d6 because exploding hoof.

LIAM: Explode further! Two.

MARK: So four.

ASHLEY: Eight and a five.

MARK: Eight and a five, wow. So with the eight. Yeah, what did you play? I play that song.

MARKEIA: Eye of the Tiger.

ASHLEY: Eye of the Tiger, I keep playing.

ASHLEY: ♪ (humming the theme to Rocky) ♪ Just really quietly.

MARK: As it builds, you can see Duke Zircon looking behind like, "What is that? What's that noise? What's going on? He's like, (Laz stammering)

MARKEIA: Theme music!

MARK: "Father, I have come back from Equestria "and I've met these wonderful Equestrian ponies, who I've become close friends with, and they will not be spoken to in that regard. Not only that, but this tournament you are hosting. This gemstone, it doesn't belong here, it belongs in the ground. It's causing, oh, fractal plates? What was the--

ALL: (whispering) Earthquakes. Earthquakes! Earthquakes.

ROGER: Tectonic plates.

MARK: "The tectonic plots are broken. You should put it back and I'm going to win the joust. He just looks for a moment. And that's final.

ROGER: Wow!

MARKEIA: That was amazing!

ROGER: Laz, you did it, buddy!

MARK: "Thanks everybody. Thank you. This is the most terrified I've ever been in my life."

ROGER: Yeah, your dad's going to kill you.

ASHLEY: Don't be scared, we're here.

JULIE: Y'all have never been more attractive to me.

MARK: "Oh my." (laughter)

MARK: "Ooh!" His eyes spark a little. You just hear a, (laughs) "You've made friends. Well, that's marvelous. You want to joust, my son? "Well, of course. "Of course. Obviously, you'd need to be able to fly to do that. (as Laz) "I can fly. I can fly right now."

MARKEIA: Show him, Laz!

MARK: He gets about two feet off the ground. (groaning nervously) See? He hovers in the air for a second. "(stammering) W-w-what magic is this?"

MARKEIA: It's a mixture of magic and gadgetry. Trixie Gadgets is my name, and it's also part of my cutie mark. As you can see, it's three gadgets spinning around.

MARK: "Yes, I see that! I see that, you Equestrian. But I-- "Well, you're-- "You can't, you're not a knight! You can't be in the joust. He's like, "Well, my friend Tomey "has been researching our history, and you did find a precedent, didn't you?"

LIAM: There are loopholes in the centuries past. Plus, if you guys are running the show, why can't you make your own rules?

JULIE: If you're so powerful.

MARK: "I suppose, but-- "I could just decree that he could joust. Fine, fine, fine, you can joust, you can joust. ""You're not going to win, anyway. ""I'm certainly not going to have you as a champion." You've barely jousted in your life before. No, no, no. "Sir Topaz will be my champion. and you'll get a scolding when you're done, boy.

ASHLEY: What happens if he wins?

MARK: "If he does win, "then I suppose that the Fire Ruby would go to him, "and he'd be proclaimed champion in front of all of Gelderland.

MARKEIA: Well, that's what's going to happen.

MARK: "Well, we'll see about that, "won't we?"

MARKEIA: We will see about that, Sir Duke!

MARK: "We will!"

ROGER: (laughs) Duke!

MARK: "Trixie Gadgets."

ROGER: Wow.

LIAM: This is getting heated.

ROGER: This is escalating.

ASHLEY: When is this tournament happening?

MARK: "It will happen tomorrow morning."

ASHLEY: Okay.

MARK: "Good."

JULIE: Well, we will see you there.

MARK: "Fine. We will."

LIAM: We're going.

MARK: "Good. You should go."

MARKEIA: We will definitely go.

LIAM: We're done here.

MARKEIA: We will go.

MARK: "You are done."

ASHLEY: You leave first, and then--

MARK: "No! Good, leave."

ROGER: Just go then!

MARKEIA: We are leaving!

MARK: "This is my throne, you leave!"

MARKEIA: This is your throne, we are leaving.

JULIE: We are leaving.

ASHLEY: Is there any food around on any platters or anything?

MARK: Yeah. There's the earth pony who's been standing there the whole time. He looks over and he's like, "Please help."

ASHLEY: I'm going to go over and I'm going to take the tray.

MARK: (sighs) "Thank you."

MARKEIA: We're famished, we're taking this with us.

ASHLEY: You're welcome for bringing your son home safely! Thank you for this food.

MARK: "Fine, I don't need it. "I've got plenty of food, anyway. "Go get me more food!"

JULIE: I'll take the one of the little pieces of food there and just give it to earth pony who's been really hungry.

MARK: He's like, "Thank you, thank you, I'm so starving, he eats all of it.

ROGER: I'm really trying not to fling poo right now, I'll be honest. It was on the table the whole time.

MARK: "Whirly, no, bad call, definitely not."

ROGER: I'm not going to do it.

MARK: "Dubs, got to help me out here, man."

ROGER: Dude, Laz, your dad's a dick.

LIAM: You got to know you got to to quit when you're ahead. I feel like we're riding on a high. We should just wait this thing out.

ROGER: All right, fine.

MARK: "That's fine. We're going to win. "We're going to be the best. We're a team!

ASHLEY: We're going to be the best around.

MARK: "We need a team name!"

MARKEIA: Oh.

ROGER: Mm.

ASHLEY: Team--

ROGER: Dukeinators.

MARK: "Team Dukeinators."

ROGER: Team Dukeinators.

MARK: "Team--"

MARKEIA: Something with Equestrians?

ROGER, ASHLEY, and MARKEIA: Laz--

MARKEIA: Team Laz--

JULIE: Pony Express?

MARK: "Team Pony."

LIAM: Team Laz Chance.

ALL: Team Laz Chance!

MARK: "Team Laz Chance, let's move."

ROGER: Team Laz Chance. (fart noise) Yay!

LIAM: Friendship is magic, peace out!

MARK: You guys make your way out. I will have you given-- you will have the finest quarters in the castle "ready to prepare for tomorrow."

ROGER: Except for the earth ponies.

MARK: "Well, no, I will, no, "you will have quarters as well, Dubs."

ROGER: -- Quarters.

LIAM: For realsies?

MARK: "No, you'll have your own rooms."

ROGER: Really?

MARK: "Yes."

MARKEIA: Excellent.

ROGER: All right.

MARK: "No, let's all bunk in my room. We can have a sleepover!

ROGER: Creepy.

MARKEIA: I love sleepovers!

ROGER: Sleepover, yay!

MARK: "Yay!"

ROGER: I like sleepovers!

LIAM: (like Whirly) "I mean, awesome!"

ROGER: Yeah. I mean, that's creepy. Okay! I'm on top.

MARK: Okay. So you retire for the evening. So any stamina you've taken, you can heal back up. You can have all your stamina. During the night, however, as Laz goes to gather food or something, he leaves the room temporarily. Probably claiming to go and fetch some drinks and some snacks for your sleepover, as well as blankets and things. There is a knock at the door.

LIAM: We're all bunked in one room?

MARK: It's in Laz's princely quarters. You can see that he has a table with a fake battlefield with lots of little miniature ponies with lances and swords and shields and a lot of dice. There's a collection of board games underneath it as well. He has a big, large four poster bed with a Mane of Thrones poster.

LIAM: I knew there was something I liked about this guy. (laughter)

MARK: And yeah, there's a knock at the door.

LIAM: Um, occupied! (stammering) We are Laz's friends; he's not here. We're fine. How are you?

MARK: (Scottish accent) "Oh, that's all right." Sorry, hang on. (low-pitched English accent) "That's okay, friends. "I'm just here to speak. Yeah. I'm actually here to speak with all of you."

ROGER: What?

ASHLEY: Well, who are you?

MARKEIA: Well, we should open the door, then, yeah?

ROGER: Wait, this on the other side of the door, yeah.

ASHLEY: Who are you?

MARK: Hang on. I'm trying to get my voice. I'm not as good as doing this on the fly because I had a certain voice I wanted to do for him.

ROGER: Who's the celebrity archetype?

MARK: It's Sean Bean he's played by. So it's like, "Oh. (gruff Northern English accent) "It's lovely to see you all." You see this older, grizzled, dark brown pony. He has a beard speckled with gray and he's wearing a surcoat, but a little bit better.  He's an earth pony, but his surcoat seems to be in a slightly better condition than most. He glances around and he pulls down a hood  from around his mane and he's like, "I'm so glad that I got to speak to you "before the joust tomorrow. I was hoping that we could have a quiet moment. I've understood-- "I've come to understand that you've become friends "with the marquee-- the Marquis.

ROGER: Yeah, Laz. We're pretty tight.

ASHLEY: Our buddy Laz.

MARKEIA: He's our friend.

MARK: "You must forgive me. "Gelderland has struggled with Duke Zircon "for quite some time and I expected his son to be somewhat similar. Are you saying that he's-- You've made friends with him?"

MARKEIA: Oh, he's a good pony.

JULIE: He appears to have changed.

MARK: "That's good to hear. My name is Rocky Mountain. I'm a head miner down in the gorge. I've been working with several earth ponies and pegasus for some time. "There's been some talk. People are becoming very unhappy with how things are being run in the kingdom."

ROGER: Rocky Mountain, are you high?

JULIE: (laughs)

ROGER: Up top, one more. That's pretty good. I don't expect you to get that.

MARK: "I'm on the same ground as you."

ROGER: Forget I said anything.

ASHLEY: It's a thing in Equestria.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARK: "My apologies, you obviously--"

ROGER: If you were Equestrian, you'd be laughing right now.

MARK: "I'm sure I would."

LIAM: The currency in our land is largely based on musical puns and stuff.

MARK: "Ah, I see. "I'm afraid there's no room for that sort of thing here, "but it's lovely to have the foreign influence, if nothing else.

ROGER: What are they unhappy about? What's the deal with Duke (snorts) Zircon? Why are we-- (snorts) Duke. Sorry.

JULIE: One more, one more, you'll break him again, do it again, do it again.

ROGER: (snorts) Duke Zircon. Why?

MARK: "Well, ever since he discovered that large Fire Ruby, he's been pushing the earth ponies to work harder and harder. "Things have always been-- We've been getting less and less shares of the gemstones we dig up. Several years ago, it wasn't like this. "We used to get a fair share of everything we found, but with the Duke and several of his crony unicorns, they've been taking more and more."

JULIE: Cronycorns.

ASHLEY: Did you come to us tonight so we would kill him?

MARKEIA: What?

MARK: "No!"

JULIE: It does sound ominous.

MARK: "No, he needs to be made a lesson of. "There are some in the rebellion--"

ASHLEY: Oh, oh, I just misunderstood. I'm sorry.

ROGER: Well, that would teach him a lesson.

MARK: "There are some ponies who would like to see all unicorns imprisoned in Gelderland and forced back into the mines like they were. "But I don't believe that's the right way."

MARKEIA: Yeah, that doesn't really help anything to stick your hoof in someone else's eye.

MARK: "They plan on doing something drastic during the tournament tomorrow, and I was hoping that maybe you could help me prevent that."

JULIE: What is it that they're planning?

MARK: "They intend on stealing the Fire Ruby "and taking it to the far south to sell it and raise money to rival that of the unicorns.

MARKEIA: No, we have to put it back into the ground! Otherwise, the earthquakes won't stop.

MARK: "You think that it's connected?"

MARKEIA: Definitely, I mean, it's too much of a coincidence.

MARK: "It confirms what I believe as well. "The rock dogs have become more aggressive. They've been attacking ponies throughout the mines. There's something else, a deep rumbling in the dark."

ROGER: (fart noise)

MARK: "Not that kind of rumble."

ROGER: Okay.

MARK: "Something deep in the earth is stirring."

LIAM: Any theories?

MARK: "Afraid not. "There are some old legends, "but I don't usually pay them much mind."

JULIE: Just for fun, could you tell us the legends? just in case they're pertinent or something.

MARK: "Well, they say that before we came to this land, there were creatures that lived underground, the rock dogs, but there's one that they call master. A creature of rock and shadow and flame. The Baldog."

LIAM: Oh boy.

JULIE: The what dog?

MARK: "It's said it's the Baldog."

JULIE: Yeah, all right.

MARK: "It's said to lurk deep, deep in the earth."

MARKEIA: That was awesome.

JULIE: There it is.

MARK: "It's a myth. "There's no way something like that "could stay dormant for so long."

MARKEIA: Until something giant got taken out of the ground.

MARK: "Possibly."

ROGER: So.

MARK: "Possibly."

ASHLEY: These earthquakes started happening after?

MARK: "We discovered the Fire Ruby a few weeks ago. "We started excavating it, but when the Duke saw it for himself, he ordered, he commanded that the earth ponies begin chipping away, getting it out as quickly as we could. So we had to expand the mining operation drastically. Huge swathes of land had been carved up and dug out to get at it. They began around then, but ever since we've excavated it fully, "they've been getting worse. The rock dogs have become much more aggravated.

JULIE: Almost like they're under a spell?

MARK: "A little, perhaps. "We just thought it might be because, you know, "we've uncovered this, we've taken it away. We thought that they may just be protective of it. But if the legends of the Baldog are true, might be that he's commanding them.

JULIE: Then they're cursed.

LIAM: You've got a lot of forces at play here.

ROGER: Yeah. So-- If we get that ruby back down to the Baldog, you think he'll be a good dog?

MARK: "I don't know, honestly."

ROGER: Can be a good boy?

MARK: "I don't know, but I know that it's under heavy guard "by the Duke and he's not willing to let it out of his sight.

JULIE: Unless, of course, someone wins the joust.

MARK: "Well, this is what I wish to speak to you about. "There are several pegasus that I know who'd be willing to enter the joust on our behalf. Good, honorable knights that want to work with us. If you think you could lend them your support.

JULIE: So you're not talking about throwing the joust. You're talking about bringing, can you speak again about what you're saying?

MARK: "Yes, of course."

ROGER: She forgets everything.

MARK: "That's fine. "I have a few knights, pegasus, that would be, "if they were to win the tournament tomorrow, they'd ensure that the Fire Ruby goes back into the earth and we could appease the creatures  and hopefully stop the earthquakes.

ROGER: That's what Laz is saying he's going to do too, dude.

MARK: "Oh!"

ROGER: Yeah!

MARKEIA: That's what--

JULIE: We're already doing that.

MARK: "I wouldn't have expected--"

ASHLEY: We're going to have everyone who's involved in the joust, even-- I'm not trying to--

MARK: "It would mean a lot more if Lord Laz, "if Marquis Laz was to win. That would send a great sign to the people.

MARKEIA: Maybe with the pegasus that you were going to offer, maybe they can help guard the ruby from other earth ponies that are trying to take it away. I mean, I assume they know each other.

MARK: "Certainly."

MARKEIA: If they know each other and they say like, "Hey, you know, wait, give this a chance."

MARK: "Yes, I think Sir Meadow Breeze and her knights "would definitely be willing to do that."

ROGER: Sounds like a win-win.

MARK: "All right."

LIAM: Win the tournament. Change the country.

MARK: "Yes. Thank you for your help, ponies.

ASHLEY: Change the country. JULIE and

ASHLEY: Change the world.

ROGER: Change the world? Change the universe.

MARK: Cha-- No, I'm not going to try and-- (laughter)

MARK: "Thank you, Equestrian ponies. "This has been troubling our lands for a few years now. It's why we were hoping that Lord Laz would speak with Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight, and hoping to bring some of the culture of Equestria back to Gelderland. "I know that you have things differently there. I think that would do wonders for Gelderland's future. So thank you. I'm glad that I came to speak with you.  But you should be quiet and careful. Zircon has many eyes and ears around here."

MARKEIA: Do you know anything about earth ponies stealing jewelry and running off? I put a tracker on one and--

MARK: "Ah. "Yes, that will be Gloom Glow. He's an earth pony miner that is very disenfranchised. He's the one who's asking for the unicorns to be imprisoned and forced to work on their behalf. He lost, he was injured in an accident in the mines once. He's held a grudge ever since. He's the one I'm worried about." Hmm?

JULIE: What kind of injury does he have?

MARK: "A rock collapse. "He was trapped under the rocks for some time, "injured one of his hooves. He's had it replaced with a wooden one.

ROGER: That explains that sound. (laughter) He had a weird-- It's a noise that, anyway.

MARK: "Yes. I agree."

ROGER: I spin really fast!

JULIE: Always the best answer!

MARK: "Very good, that's lovely."

ROGER: Thanks. I feel pretty good about it.

MARK: "You do a great job."

ROGER: I'm very observant.

MARK: "Yes, absolutely."

LIAM: We've been working with Laz, and we feel like he's got what it takes. With a little more tutelage, we'll put a pin in this and fix this deal.

ROGER: Can we count on your support?

MARK: "We could have the Pegasus Knights who I know are entering. "We could ask them to lose on purpose."

JULIE: We just said the thing about throwing the joust. I was--

ASHLEY: I mean, I was going to suggest that, but I don't know if Laz, that would make you feel bad.

MARK: Laz isn't here.

MARKEIA: Laz isn't there.

MARK: Yeah, Laz isn't here. You go to turn to him.

JULIE: Here's the problem I see with that. While I was concerned when I said it earlier, the reason is that it's important to Laz to know that he won for real. He needs the confidence, he needs the self-esteem.

ASHLEY: Well, he doesn't have to know.

JULIE: Well, but we will know.

MARKEIA: Stuff like that always gets out.

LIAM: You're an honesty pony!

ASHLEY: I--

MARKEIA: That is your element! (laughter)

ASHLEY: I forgot.

MARK: You don't always have to-- Sometimes going against your element is a thing.

LIAM: -- corruption.

MARK: "Well, I will leave that decision in your hooves. If you give me a signal tomorrow, I will have the knights lose on purpose. "Perhaps you could wave a colored cloth, a white cloth towards me. I'll be in the stands."

MARKEIA: We won't need it, but thank you.

MARK: "All right, well, I'll leave this to you. Good luck, and I hope that we can set things straight today." He gives you a nod.

ROGER: Great.

JULIE: Wait, just before you leave.

MARK: "Yes?"

JULIE: Do us a favor.

MARK: "Uh-huh?"

JULIE: Get some of your friends together to cheer for Laz tomorrow. It might increase his confidence and help him win.

ASHLEY: That's true.

MARKEIA: Definitely.

ASHLEY: That's a good idea.

MARK: "I'll see it done."

JULIE: Thank you.

MARK: He pulls the hood up. "Keep it secret. Keep it safe. And leaves. Pulls the door closed.

LIAM: If he is a Sean Bean pony, he's going to be dead by morning. (laughter)

MARK: Or is he? Yeah, he shuts the door and you get a lovely night's sleep. Is there anything you want to quickly do or wait for Laz to come back and say anything to him? Or you just want to jump straight into this tourney?

MARKEIA: Well, I want to check the tracker to see where Gloom Glow is.

MARK: Yeah. So he is-- you can check your tracker on your little device, PonyPad or something. And you can see that he is just outside the city in the gorge, and seems to be staying there for now.

ASHLEY: Waiting for the tournament.

JULIE: Has Laz come back yet to sleep?

MARK: Yeah, he comes back whenever.

JULIE: I want to make sure he sleeps beautifully tonight, So I would like to bore him with a bunch of numbers. So I'm going to recite a whole bunch of digits of pi at him. 3.141592653589793238462643383275502884197163. Very good.

MARK: (Laz snoring)

MARKEIA: I would like to-- is there any way that I can upgrade, or give him a bonus to any rolls for tomorrow? If I--

MARK: You can make a tinkering check, yeah. I'll let you make a mind with gadgetry.

MARKEIA: Okay.

MARK: Obviously, there runs the risk of, if you fail, then you can make it worse.

MARKEIA: Getting worse.

MARKEIA: I'll leave that up to everybody. Should I just let it be?

MARK: It's up to you. It's your skill.

ASHLEY: It's totally up to you.

MARK: That's what I like, when players take risks.

MARKEIA: Oh! I got eight on one, and six on the other.

MARK: Hey, you get to upgrade it. So yeah, this is going to be amazing.

ASHLEY: It's going to be great.

MARKEIA: Okay, so, six was-- Oh, I'm sorry, the eight was--

MARK: Eight was the highest?

MARKEIA: --was the highest.

MARK: Okay, I'll add that to his-- So he has a bunch of scores which I'm going to use in the joust already. So your training with him, and then the gadgetry that you've built. Basically, his opponents will have to beat those numbers. So the eight you had, and then the numbers from before are basically going to be his "skill" in the joust. The joust begins with a fanfare. You can see that dozens of ponies, earth ponies, pegasus, unicorns. The unicorns are all up in a beautiful stand inside the castle, built into the walls, stands with pennants and banners, little booths. The earth ponies are all crowded around on a large central ring down on the bottom of the track. Then the pegasi are all watching from the clouds like perched on the clouds, watching independently. Then the run is being held by two long poles, which stretch up into the air. Then the Pegasi Knights are crossing up in the air itself.

LIAM: Pony Quidditch.

MARK: Yeah, it's got a real Quidditch kind of vibe. Yeah.

MARKEIA: Love it.

MARK: You take your place alongside Laz in the knights' preparation area. There were a couple of bouts that go ahead, and you see some of the knights making their way. It gets time for Laz's first joust, which is against a formidable looking pegasi. His armor is bedazzled in topazes, and his lance.

JULIE: Topaz, that's Topaz!

MARK: Yeah, this is Sir Topaz, his father's champion. You see, in fact, actually, Whirlypoo, you're so observant of things, you see him speaking with a unicorn just before the match begins. The unicorn's horn glows for second with a purple glimmer. And the lance seems to get stronger. Like it seems to become more solid.

ROGER: Magic. Cheating! Cheating magic!

MARK: Seems to be. But Laz is like, "All right. "I can do this, I think I'm ready. "Are we good, team?"

ROGER: Is there anything I can do to counteract the cheating?

MARK: You can see it happening in the distance. If you can think of a way to try and do something, by all means.

JULIE: Well, we both have the power of telekinesis. What if we both use it together to try to deflect the power that's coming from the unicorn and stop all the things from happening that we don't want to have happen.

MARK: Yeah, you could try and telekinesis--

ROGER: Can I also get involved their little scheme?

MARK: So they're going to use their telekinesis, which obviously only unicorns can use. So how would you try and help them in what they're trying to do?

ROGER: I'm want to blind them with my binoculars in the sun again, that's my trick.

MARK: The binoculars are currently in Laz's helmet.

ROGER: Oh, that's right. Dagnabbit.

JULIE: Can we deflect the power in some way?

MARK: You can try and basically use-- well, it won't be a telekinesis. We'll just have you do a magic with mind.

JULIE: Okay.

MARK: But you're going to try and whatever spell this unicorn is casting on Topaz's lance, you're going to try and counteract it. So if you both make-- who's got the higher mind out of the two of you guys?

MARKEIA: I have a d8.

JULIE: I have a d8.

MARK: Okay. So one of you can make the check, but upgrade it to a d10.

JULIE: Want to go ahead?

MARKEIA: Do you want to try it? I just did, like-- I don't know if my rolls are going to work.

JULIE: Do you want me to try it?

MARK: So Julie, you roll a d10. So upgrade the dice because you're getting help from Trixie.

JULIE: Right, just kidding. That was this one, right?

LIAM: For which one? What are you looking for?

MARK: d10.

LIAM: d10 is-- where'd you put it?

JULIE: Did I put it back over here?

MARK: You got it. Liam's got it.

LIAM: This one right here.

JULIE: Oh. Hey, look at that. Well, that's a three.

MARK: A three.

JULIE: That's no good.

MARK: Somebody can spend a friendship token for you to reroll.

JULIE: Can I use my own?

MARK: Yeah. Well, you've got one last one, right? You could both spend them and then you get to upgrade it to a d20.

ASHLEY: I'll spend it.

JULIE: That sounds like a real good idea.

ASHLEY: Yep.

MARKEIA: Let's do it.

MARK: So that's the last of the friendship tokens.

LIAM: Whoa!

MARK: I got that one.

JULIE: Okay. Oh god.

LIAM: Here we go. Roll high.

JULIE: (squeals) It's a four.

MARK: Oh!

ASHLEY: It's okay, it's okay.

MARK: So you try.

JULIE: Whomp whomp.

MARK: You're focusing and you're focusing. And Peaches comes along and plays the flute to give you a boost, like trying to match the tone. You're focusing, but your horn begins to spark and fizzle. The other unicorn seems to look around as if he's aware of somebody trying to mess with his spell. Just grins and (grunts) focuses, and your horns just go out of magic. Like, ugh, the spell, you can't counteract it. Laz doesn't seem to have noticed any of this. He's like, "Right, its time. "I'm going to do my best."

ASHLEY: You're going to be great.

MARK: "For Gelderland, "and for all of you."

LIAM: Laz?

MARK: "Yes."

LIAM: You've heard me say a lot. I've read crazy books to your bear.

MARK: "I don't understand most of it."

LIAM: I've thrown platitudes at you.

MARK: "Yes, but I love it."

LIAM: The truth is.

MARK: "Yes? The secret?"

ROGER: Here it comes.

LIAM: The secret.

MARK: "Yes?"

ROGER: It's going to be amazing.

LIAM: The strength comes from inside you. The books are just a sham. It starts with you.

MARK: "Like guts? "With me?"

LIAM: Yes.

MARK: "Starts with me."

LIAM: Yes.

MARK: "A new future begins today."

LIAM: You.

JULIE: The Laz Chance!

MARK: "Laz Chance."

ALL: The Laz Chance!

LIAM: You are the Laz unicorn.

MARK: "The Laz unicorn, I don't get it, but I like it. "Thank you, my friend." Yeah, do you want to make a charm for me? Just-- you're not going to interact, I just want to see what you get.

LIAM: I think I moved up to a six for that one, yeah.

MARK: Yeah.

LIAM: A three.

MARK: Okay. I just want to-- it's one little last line of defense. He's like, "Right, well, "thank you, my friends." He sails up, and the joust begins.

LIAM: I hope he doesn't die.

MARK: So I will roll. Topaz has a d10 for his jousting ability. So for the first lance-- it's the best of three lances. The first lance-- in fact, why don't one of you guys roll for Laz for me? Who wants to roll for-- let's have Roger roll.

ROGER: Oh boy.

MARK: So a d10.

ROGER: d10.

MARK: Yeah, you got that one?

ROGER: Yep.

MARK: So you roll that for me.

ROGER: Jeez, no pressure here. Come on, Laz.

MARKEIA: You can do it!

MARK: See how well he strikes the other.

ROGER: Five.

MARK: Five?

ASHLEY: That's good, that's good.

MARK: Okay, yeah, no, a five's fine. So you watch as the first bout goes, and they both strike each other's shields. Laz waits for a moment. With it that you see the binoculars (whirring) and then (crashing) he hits the shield with the lance. So Topaz's one hits Lapis in his armor-- in his shield, he spins a little bit, like, "Oh!" He stumbles, but he flies back up, and so they each score a point each, right?

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

MARK: On the second time-- they sync up again for the second lance.

ROGER: Two.

MARKEIA: Anyone have any friendship thingies?

ASHLEY: Can I start fluting?

MARK: You want to flute?

ASHLEY: I want to flute.

MARK: What will your flute try to accomplish? Are you trying to inspire or are you trying to distract?

ASHLEY: Trying to inspire.

MARK: Okay.

ASHLEY: No. I'm going to distract.

MARK: You're going to distract.

ASHLEY: I'm going to distract. I'm going to try to distract Sir-- or Mr. Topaz.

MARK: Mr. Topaz, yeah.

ASHLEY: I'm going to try to make him intensely sad and I'm going to start-- I'm going to sort of go over in his area.

ROGER: Sarah McLaughlin.

ASHLEY: And start-- yeah.

ROGER: Sarah McLaughlin.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MARK: ♪ (hums "Angel" by Sarah McLaughlin) ♪

ROGER: Yeah, Sarah McLaughlin.

MARK: In the arms of the alicorns.

ASHLEY: ♪ (hums "Angel" by Sarah McLaughlin) ♪

ASHLEY: ♪ (hums "Angel" by Sarah McLaughlin) ♪

JULIE: Sad pony eyes.

LIAM: Two more minutes.

ROGER: Exactly.

ASHLEY: (continues humming "Angel")

MARK: I just want Ashley to keep doing it. So charm plus flute. Roll them at the same time.

ASHLEY: I got to take my earrings off. These are hurting.

ROGER: Stuff is getting real!

MARK: It's getting real.

ROGER: I'm going to fight, hold my beer.

JULIE: If that bow comes out, I'm ducking for cover.

MARK: I would like to flute.

ASHLEY: Okay, five for charm.

MARK: Charm.

ROGER: Charm.

ASHLEY: One for flute.

MARK: Okay. Five. I'll give him a d6 for his mind.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay.

MARK: Six.

ASHLEY: Ugh!

MARK: So you try and distract him.

ASHLEY: Wasn't sad enough.

MARK: But obviously he's a big Salt Hoof McLaughlin, I can't of a Sarah pony.

JULIE: That's pretty good.

MARK: Salt Hoof McLaughlin. He's a big fan, and so, he grins and as he-- his lance slams into Laz, Lazuli's, and Laz actually gets knocked out of the air. (gasping)

MARK: I rolled a 10. I rolled a 10. You watch as he begins spiraling down.

JULIE: That knocked out of the air is an immediate winning.

MARK: Well, I'm going to give him one chance to recover.

LIAM: Hit the ignition!

ROGER: Am I doing this again?

MARK: Huh?

ROGER: Am I rolling again for Laz?

MARK: Yeah, you roll for Laz, roll a d8 for me, though, because this is going to be just his--

ROGER: Four, I suck.

MARK: So you watch as he's like-- (yelling) he's spinning out. But now you see the earth ponies and Rocky Mountain, they begin chanting, and they begin cheering.

ASHLEY: Laz, Laz, Laz, Laz, Laz, Laz!

MARK: I'm going to have it so that the crowd is going to spend effectively another friendship token--

ROGER: What?!

MARK: -- to allow a reroll.

LIAM: Last chance.

MARK: A Laz Chance.

ALL: (discordantly singing "Laz chance")

ASHLEY: ♪ It's your Laz chance ♪

MARK: So Roger.

ROGER: Yeah?

MARK: Give me that d8.

ROGER: Oh jeez. Come on, guys, come on, come on.

JULIE: You can do it, you can do it.

ROGER: Come on, Laz!

LIAM: Roll high!

ROGER: Seven!

MARK: Seven.

JULIE: We'll take it.

MARK: You watch as just before he hits the ground, he flips over, Laz puts his arms out, and Trixie's gravitational pulses (whooshing) and the dust spills. You look and there's about an inch before he actually touches the ground.

LIAM: Is he Mission Impossible-ing?

MARK: The crowd just goes crazy.

ASHLEY: Yeah!

MARKEIA: Laz!

MARK: You see the token flags of indicating the points. Topaz still scored two points because he hit on the body. But he's not out.

JULIE: So it's two to one.

MARK: Yeah, and Laz flies over to you and is like, "I've got to knock him out of the air or that's it. We're done. I hope I can do it. "I don't want to let you all down."

ASHLEY: Laz, you got this.

JULIE: Y'all can do it. You're our friend.

LIAM: Reign this bastard in.

JULIE: Yeah, and hear the crowd, we're all rooting for you!

MARK: "Yes, they're all rooting, we can do it." He flies up there. They watch as they begin hurtling towards each other. Don't roll Roger, because as they're just about to hit, one more earthquake (rattling) shakes the whole thing. The stands begin collapsing. The ponies go scattering around everywhere. You hear this terrible crack. And this thunderous-- (low electricity sounds) Ponies began screaming and crying out. From appearing behind the walls of the city, you see this giant Doberman face drooling molten lava.

JULIE: Master Baldog.

MARK: (roaring) As it places a big hoof up onto the walls, and you can see its flame, it flows between its rocky joints. As it's like, (roaring) it begins barking and roaring. Each one sends waves of sound pulsing through the crowd, and you see Duke Zircon panic. He looks up and he's like, "I don't believe it! The Balrog-- The Baldog! "It's real!" He begins eyeing up towards the sky and everybody begins panicking and running around. What you guys going to do?

ASHLEY: Where's the ruby?

MARK: You can see it's right in the middle, underneath the jousting area, in a collected-- like a wagon.

ASHLEY: We need to get it.

MARK: Yes, yes!

MARKEIA: Let's get ruby back to the place in the earth.

ASHLEY: Yeah. Or we could give it to him.

MARK: I've actually-- the Baldog's stats, I think he has, like--

ASHLEY: Big boy!

MARK: How are you going to try and get it? Because one pony cannot pull this alone. This wagon is very heavy.

ROGER: But earth ponies have a ton of strength, too.

MARK: They do.

MARKEIA: Two of the earth ponies.

ROGER: We've got to band all the earth ponies together.

ASHLEY: All right, and I'm going to try to help nudge it. Are we taking it to him?

MARK: Okay, so you watch as the Baldog, one of its big paws smashes the walls of the castle down, and it goes scattering and tumbling everywhere. Several of the big rocks knock the ruby on its side and the wagon tips over. So what was the plan?

MARKEIA: We got to get the Fire Ruby away from ponies. You know, let's take it back to where it is, so then the Baldog will follow it. We got to get it out of here.

MARK: You see the Pegasus Knights begin trying to attack it. Their lances are bouncing off of its rocky hide. The earth ponies are panicking, don't know what to do, and the unicorns are fleeing towards the castle. Not there yet, but they seem to just be fleeing.

JULIE: But if everybody works together, which is-- Everybody has different power, we might be able to move it--

MARK: Yeah, absolutely, yeah.

JULIE: -- as quickly as possible.

ROGER: There's got to be a book for this. There's got to be some weird, inspirational quote that'll get all the earth ponies together.

LIAM: There was a legend of a cat, a giant cat, centuries ago, that came up out of the earth and they threw a giant fish into the ocean and the cat chased it. So we give the dog what it wants.

ROGER: A bone!

JULIE: Lasagna?

ROGER: (laughs)

ASHLEY: The ruby!

LIAM: Fetch! We're going to play fetch!

ROGER: Fetch!

MARK: Laz flies down you to all, like, "What's going on? What are we doing? What can I do?

MARKEIA: You're going to help us catapult this Fire Ruby into the air and away from here.

ROGER: Are we still trying to band together everypony?

LIAM: Yes!

ROGER: He's got his ability to fly up.

MARK: "I can delegate to the other ponies!"

ROGER: Exactly, an inspirational book.

MARK: "I'm very good at delegating."

ROGER: Exactly.

JULIE: Yes!

MARK: "All right. Well, I'll come on then. What should I have them do?

ROGER: You got to incentivize them, though.

MARK: "Okay."

ROGER: You got to let them know that when they do this--

MARK: "All right."

ROGER: -- when everything is saved, they get to have equality.

JULIE: It's going to be equalized.

MARK: "All right, done>"

ROGER: Okay?

MARK: "Well, I just want to help. "What should I tell them to do? "I can get the unicorns, "the earth ponies, and the pegasi. "What should I have them do? I'm not very good at ideas, you're all so clever."

JULIE: Have all the unicorns together.

MARKEIA: Yeah

JULIE: Lift it with-- they all have telekinesis.

MARK: "They can lift it with magic."

JULIE: Lift it to make it lighter. Have the earth ponies pull as much as they can, and the unicorns-- I'm sorry, and the pegasus fly up and distract the Baldog.

MARK: "That's a perfect idea, Countess Pi. "Should I do that?"

ALL: Yes!

MARK: Yes, all right.

ASHLEY: I start flying up.

MARK: He's like, "Yes, come with me, Peaches. You can use your flute to give me a nice soundtrack.

ASHLEY: Yep, yep, yep.

MARK: So he flies up and you begin playing some sort of jam.

ASHLEY: Yep.

ROGER: Jethro Tull!

MARK: He looks down.

JULIE: I feel like it's smooth jazz at this point.

ROGER: It's rock and roll.

MARK: He flies up and he's like, "Unicorns, earth ponies, pegasi, listen to me! "Listen to your Marquis! We must work together. Unicorns, you shall lift up the ruby with your magic. "Earth ponies, throw your ropes, use your wagons and your mining equipment to drag it back towards the gorge, We must return it. "Pegasi Knights, distract it. "Peaches, lead the Pegasi Knights. Trixie Gadgets--

ASHLEY: Onward ho!

MARK: "Trixie Gadgets, Countess Pi, "you shall help the unicorns consolidate their efforts. Tomeytine, Whirlypoo--

ROGER: I fling a poo!

MARK: "Throw it at that, throw it at that! "Yes, blind it, blind it!"

ROGER: Dogs love poo!

MARK: "Tomey, use your excellent influence of people."

LIAM: We shall not go quietly into the night! (laughter)

MARK: With those coordinated efforts, with Lazuli leading things, it works exactly as intended. So the ponies, the unicorns, you lift it up with your magic, everybody's horns all glowing in unison. The ruby's lifted up into the air. The earth ponies begin swooping ropes over it, and hauling it up onto wagons, and begin dragging it through the city towards the gorge, Whilst the Baldog turns to try and chase it, the Pegasi Knights all fly in its vision. Peaches, you're leading them with your spear in hand, swinging past. Whirlypoo stands before this almighty beast and just spins and feces begin flying up into its face.

ROGER: Thank you.

MARK: (growling) As it desperately tries to get away, confused by the smell. Tomey, you lead them all.

LIAM: Who's a good dog? Who's a good dog? You are!

MARK: (barks)

LIAM: Fetch, boy!

MARK: Its tail begins wagging as it bounds off to the Fire Ruby. As you lead into the gorge itself, as it settles back into where it was, the Baldog encapsulates around it, biting down and wrapping around it, around a favorite toy. Its form begins to solidify and return back to the earth, filling up the space that was once the gorge. It completely solidifies. Duke Zircon vanishes without a trace.

ROGER: What?

JULIE: Vanishes?

MARK: Vanishes. Seems to have fled in fear or terror. As the returning efforts, the reconstruction efforts begin and people begin sorting things, you see Laz, you see Lazuli coordinating things, working around.

MARKEIA: Look at him go.

MARK: Yeah. It's just in time because within a few-- The next day there is another royal visitor as Princess Twilight Sparkle herself.

ROGER: She's here?!

MARK: She descends, flying with her friends following her behind.

JULIE: You guys, I have actual chills. What's happening? I actually have chills!

MARK: She arrives with her friends in tow,

ASHLEY: Princess Twilight?

MARK: Yeah, and she--

ASHLEY: Hey, Twi! Hey, hey, hey, Twi.

MARK: "Hey, Peaches, it's great to see you."

ASHLEY: Look what we did!

MARK: "I heard something terrible happened."

ASHLEY: Yeah, it did, but you know, thankfully we were here and you know, it's good to see you, Twi.

MARK: "It's great to see you all as well. My faithful students. Tell me, what happened? "Did you learn anything? What happened?

MARKEIA: We used the power of friendship!

MARK: "I knew you would. This is why I sent you here. I knew that Gelderland had had some problems recently and having met Marquis Lazuli, I knew that he had a good heart inside, but he needed somebody to show him the way. So I couldn't think of any better "students to send with him. Thank you all so much for doing what you did. With that, we're going to wrap out the episode, I think, unless you have parting words, parting words from any of you guys.

MARKEIA: I sent my application in to be the court gadgeteer. I was promised that--

MARK: (as Twilight) "I will make sure that that is seen immediately, Trixie." (as Laz) "Or you're more than welcome to stay here in my kingdom, if you wish. I know what I'm not as magnificent as Princess Twilight,  but you'd be most welcome here.

ROGER: He's hitting on you.

MARK: "I would never dream of such a thing! (Laz laughs awkwardly) (laughter)

MARKEIA: That sounds like a good position. I can't really turn that up.

MARK: "I'd be honored to have you."

MARKEIA: I'm going to miss my friends. Thank you. I accept.

JULIE: We'll miss you, Trixie.

ASHLEY: We'll miss you, Trixie.

MARKEIA: I'll visit.

JULIE: That's wonderful.

MARKEIA: Yeah, friends never say die. (laughter)

ROGER: Wow. Bumper sticker.

LIAM: That's what they say.

JULIE: Never say die.

ASHLEY: Friends never say die.

LIAM: It's the My Little Pony way. (laughter)

MARK: Anything else, anybody else?

ROGER: Duke.

MARK: Is that--?

ROGER: Just Duke.

MARK: Still funny.

ROGER: Still funny.

MARK: "You know, technically without my father, "I'd become Duke. "I'd be Duke Lazuli! (laughs)

ROGER: Duke Laz.

MARK: "I still don't get it."

ROGER: The Laz Duke.

JULIE: Just promise us that you'll rule with kindness, and that you will give power to other people. You're very good at delegating.

MARK: "I have learned everything from you and I will see that Gelderland becomes a great kingdom once again, "with everybody working together. Marvelous. Absolutely, "and I'd be honored to have you all to stay "whenever you wish."

MARKEIA: Yay!

ASHLEY: Thanks, Laz.

MARK: Thanks, Peaches!

LIAM: Aww, friendship is magic.

MARK: Friendship is magic.

JULIE: Hoofclaps!

MARK: Yep. Hoofclaps.

ROGER: Good job, Mark.

MARK: There we go. Well, thank you, guys. There's no other way to end it. (laughter)

LIAM: Pull the lever, drop the gumdrops down.

MARK: (pattering) Well, thank you guys so much for playing this ridiculously wholesome, sugary sweet game with me.

JULIE: What are you talking about?

MARK: Did you guys have fun? Yeah.

LIAM: We tainted it a little bit.

MARK: A little bit. Just the right amount I feel.

ROGER: Full taint.

MARK: You guys have fun?

ALL: Yes!

MARK: Excellent.

ASHLEY: That was a blast.

MARK: Thank you guys so much.

JULIE: Thank you so much, Mark.

MARK: No, my pleasure. Thank you, Critical Role, for having me come on and do this as well.

ASHLEY: Yeah!

MARK: Yeah, well, thanks very much for watching, guys. I hope you enjoyed Tails of Equestria, You can check out the game and, if you want to have your own pony adventures, you can play. Yeah. Bye, I guess! (laughs) ALL: Bye! (playful music)