Transcript:Refjorged

Pre-show
MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: That was amazing!

MATT: Liam is on Mica's shit list now.

LIAM: You taunt me, and I said "yes and."

MICA: Someone's going to die tonight.

(laughter)

MATT: All righty, so, before we jump into tonight's episode, we have some quick announcements to get through, beginning with our fantastic sponsors for the night. We have two sponsors, and the first up, our friends of campaign two since the very beginning, D&D Beyond, Sam.

SAM: It's not Sam. It's Britney, bitch.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh no.

MATT: Oh.

SAM: And... (piano opening notes of "...Baby One More Time") ♪ Oh baby baby, how were you supposed to know ♪ ♪ That D&D Beyond ♪ Is gearing up to release Eberron-- Eberron: Rising from the Last War on November 19th. This book provides tools to explore the world of Eberron, excluding the-- including the artificer class, a magical magician of invention, I don't know, and monsters birthed by ancient war-mongering forces. Pre-order your copy at dndbeyond.link/eberron. And I must confess, it's a fantastic digital toolset that manages characters, campaigns, and source material in D&D Fifth Edition. For example, what happens if... (piano) ♪ Boy you've got me blinded ♪ Well, there's a way to mark the Blinded condition on your digital character sheet in the app. (laughter) Or what do you do if... (piano) ♪ You're toxic, I'm slipping under ♪ ♪ Taste of a poison paradise ♪ No problem, you can also indicate immunities to poison right next to your hit point maximum. ♪ Oops, you did it again ♪ ♪ You played with your dice, got lost in the game ♪ Yes, lost in the game, because D&D Beyond lets you focus on role playing and fun, because the app handles the math and stats for you. You'll be hanging with your friends so much that... (piano) ♪ Your loneliness won't be killing you ♪ But that ancient white dragon might.

TRAVIS: (groaning)

SAM: And if it does... ♪ Sometimes you'll run, sometimes you'll hide ♪ And if you do hide, D&D Beyond will tell you your stealth bonus at a glance, so go to the website, dndbeyond.com, and... (piano) ♪ Click me baby one more time ♪ Oh my gosh, that was just so typically me. Anyway, this is Britney, bitch. Back to you, Mark.

(laughs)

TRAVIS: I love how it went Terrance and Phillip near the end.

MARISHA: Yeah, it totally did!

MATT: That's all right buddy, thank you buddy.

(Sam babbling)

MATT: I'm not your buddy, pal. All right.

LIAM: That's the way Keith Baker always imagined Eberron.

MATT: Oh, very much so.

TRAVIS: 100%.

MATT: Yeah, if people don't start really rushing out to make Warforged in this image, I think we've failed as a partner. Sorry Keith, we're so sorry, Keith.

MICA: Yeah, it's so old.

MARISHA: It's super old.

SAM: I'm a super old guy.

(laughter)

MATT: Thank you, and I'm sorry, D&D Beyond. Our second sponsor, who Sam will not be handling--

SAM: ♪ Baby ♪

MATT: (sighs) -- Is Idle Champions, our friends Idle Champions.

LAURA: No.

MATT: No!

(laughter)

SAM: I'm going to have that all night.

(piano)

LIAM: Beware, anyone having a serious and heartfelt scene tonight.

MARISHA: I can feel the copyright strikes.

SAM: Don't worry.

MARISHA: -- they're happening.

SAM: That was not taken from the song, it's an original creation.

(laughter)

MATT: You will take 2d10 damage every time you do that in the middle of the game tonight.

SAM: Worth it.

(laughter)

MATT: So, our friends at Idle Champions, Champions of the Forgotten Realms, they've been with us a number of episodes, if you haven't had a chance, check out their awesome game, it's available for PC, iOS, all major digital platforms to play, you can play as all different characters from all over the Forgotten Realms and other D&D storylines as well as playing through elements of the storylines within the game, it's awesome. They have partnered with the charity Take This and are releasing the Vizier the Stellar's Jay Familiar NPC Pack as well in the game, so if you have started playing it, you can look into that and help for a good cause. It contains the familiar, a variety of potions. All the net proceeds are going to special AFK rooms, which are volunteer-run safe spaces for anyone who feels overwhelmed and needs a place to regain their calm at upcoming PAX events, which is great.

LIAM: I feel overwhelmed and the need to regain my calm.

MATT: Then you want to donate to help Liam at this very moment.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: Go support this great cause and these great people at idlechampions.com/criticalrole.

TALIESIN: Die down.

(piano)

MATT: Hmm.

LIAM: My secondhand embarrassment is off the charts.

(laughter)

MATT: He's just waiting.

ALL: Oh!

MATT: He's just waiting in the wings.

TRAVIS: Put that shit away!

MATT: So as a heads up, we are taking a week off, our regularly scheduled live episode next week, some of us will be off adventuring in the dust, but we have something extra special for you guys who missed the announcement, we have our Dalen's Closet one-shot showing next Thursday in place of an episode, in which we have the wedding of Percival and Vex'ahlia.

TALIESIN: Event of the summer. Event of the century.

MATT: A destination wedding.

TALIESIN: You're lucky it wasn't a themed destination wedding.

MATT: True.

LAURA: Who's to say it isn't? Tune in to find out.

MATT: Hopefully it will be the final destination wedding.

MARISHA: It's Tremor themed.

MATT: Exactly. Perfect. But yeah, this one-shot was made possible by all you guys' fantastic generous donations to the Kickstarter earlier this year. We have other one-shots coming up as well as the year progresses, but this one is very special, we're hoping you check it out next week, we're really excited, hope you guys enjoy it. If you miss the stream, the VOD will be available on our YouTube channel on Monday, September 2nd, following the stream. Also, just as a heads up guys, getting a little serious here for a minute, we, as I'm sure many of you are frustrated, devastated by the fires currently happening in the Amazon in South America right now, in Brazil. We believe very strongly in leaving this world a better place than we came into it as, and we encourage you to, if you're able, consider donation to one of the many non-profit organizations that are helping working towards conservation of these rainforests and helping once these fires are done to reclaim and rebuild what was in their place. So we personally like Rainforest Trust, which has purchased and saved over 23 million acres of land since 1988, and saves an acre of rainforest every 16 seconds. They've been a fantastic group. You can find out more about their organization at donate.rainforesttrust.org. There are many other great organizations out there, just make sure you research them to see that they're legitimate. But if you have the opportunity, we implore you to be a part of making this terrible tragedy as less as it possibly can and to build in its wake. So thank you. And with that, let's go ahead and jump into...

(piano)

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: Tonight's episode of Critical Role.

(cheering) (water bubbling) (thunder rumbling) (explosion booming) ♪ Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Mighty Nein, Mighty Nein ♪ ♪ Roll the dice, roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware because you're 'bout to be dead ♪ ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don't see over there ♪ ♪ There's a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting, rise up, don't think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands, take a chance, ♪ ♪ roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Roll the dice ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call ♪ ♪ Diggin' deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it's your turn ♪ ♪ Your turn, your turn ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (flames whooshing)

Part I
MATT: And welcome back. Yes, Sam has decided to maintain this outfit after the break. We are thrilled.

(laughter)

LIAM: Can we get a Nott panicked sound right now?

SAM: Aww--

LAURA: No!

(groaning)

SAM: (moaning)

TALIESIN: No!

MICA: Ooh, it's extended.

MATT: So, last we left off: The Mighty Nein, along with their new ally, in Reani, had made their way from the city of Uthodurn to the city of Rosohna to pull in a favor with the Shadowhand Essek, to bring them instantaneously to the mouth of Mythburrow, where there supposedly lived a white dragon, one capable of enchanting the mythril that you had melted down, and hoped to, once enchanted as iceflex, to be utilized in reforming the shattered pieces of an ancient magical sword that you've slowly acquired through your adventures in this campaign. Upon delving into the cavern, battling yeti, hiding amongst the shadows, making your way towards the ice tunnels that led to its lair, you led it out with an ice spider queen used as bait. However, the item you wished to retrieve was dragged into the lair, and you found yourselves having to distract, stealth in, steal, and escape, which you barely managed to do, as the dragon proved to be far more formidable than you had ever expected. In those heightened moments of intensity, and through an extremely on-point Caleb Widogast–

LIAM: Gunter gleben glousen globen. Sorry. I'm getting over a head cold. Almost through.

MATT: Of course. You managed to step through the Teleportation Circle leading you back to the city of Uthodurn, where you all crashed out into the center of the Vellum Steeple, to the surprise and confusion of all the various members within. And that is where we're picking up today. So, Mighty Nein, as you all, sweat pouring down your faces, breathing heavy, the adrenaline pumping through your veins, crashing and stumbling onto the hard wooden floor of the interior of the Vellum Steeple, you can see the candlelight flickering around you, the countless rows of books and scrolls and desks that got knocked over as you made your way in here, storming through, the nearby librarians and archivists looking at you, confused– what would you like to do?

LIAM: Oh, don't mind us, sorry.

TALIESIN: Just passing through.

LIAM: This was done under duress. Apologies.

MARISHA: We have a deal with Master Ava. So, we're cool.

MATT: Two of the Glassblades that heard the commotion come rushing in with armor. "Hey! What's going on?"

TRAVIS: Please excuse the smell of feces. That's just us.

TALIESIN: Hey.

LAURA: You remember us? We're...

LIAM: We have an arrangement here.

MATT: (whistles) He gives a loud whistle. A few other members of the Steeple make their wasy towards you, including the familiar sight of.....

LIAM: Kermit the Frog.

MATT: Kermit the Frog. (Kermit voice) Hey guys, welcome back to Uthodurn. (regular voice) No, Chief Auditor Keenash.

LAURA: Oh, what a cutie.

MICA: Chief Otter.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: That's right, it's an otter.

TRAVIS: He's saying, "I'll kill you."

TALIESIN: We're going to die, yeah.

(laughter)

MATT: The chief auditor, which you briefly saw when you first came through, as well as the Scribewarden Ressia, come rushing into the space. The Scribewarden raises a hand and tells the guards to calm down a moment, before looking over and, "Well, you've certainly made a returning entrance, haven't you?"

TRAVIS: Yes, it was eventful, to say the least.

MATT: "Good. I'm glad your patronage has already come to be useful. And the patronage is appreciated," as she gives a nod towards Beau.

MARISHA: Two G's was worth it.

MATT: "So. I would kindly ask you to leave so we can clean up the mess you've left. Unless you have other business."

LAURA: Oh, no, I think we're good here. We're good. We were just leaving–

MATT: "Very good then. See them out, please." And the glassblades make their way to flank you and–

MARISHA: Did we leave a mess?

MATT: You look around, and two of the tables have been knocked over as you guys arrived, there's a scattering of parchment and books, now, the spines open--

MARISHA: Well, who put the tables in the teleportation circle?

MATT: They weren't in the circle, but when everyone ran through, the momentum carried and you ran into the table.

MARISHA: Well, that's just poor fucking placement.

TALIESIN: There should be clearance, really, because you're going to be–

LIAM: Seems like a strange place to put a tower of champagne glasses.

MATT: The Scribewarden just graciously accepts the comment, and goes–

MARISHA: Just saying, fire marshall comes through here–

LAURA: It might not be the last time that we come in this sort of manner, so you might–

MATT: "I would very much appreciate you maybe not roughhouse quite as extremely upon your arrival."

LAURA: We will try, but sometimes dragons come after you and you have no choice.

MICA: Also maybe you want to polish the floor, because there's blood all over it, and sorry about that.

MATT: "There is. Someone, please." And two of the other librarians rush off to go grab some cleaning supplies. You can see this squeamish look cross her face.

MICA: Sorry!

TALIESIN: Funny the things you stop noticing after a while. It's weird.

MATT: "Anyway." (claps hands) "Please leave."

SAM: Thank you.

LAURA: (clapping) You got it!

SAM: Goodbye.

MATT: You guys make your way out of the Vellum Steeple, back onto the streets of Uthodurn.

TRAVIS: That was very hectic. Do we have everything?

TALIESIN and LAURA: (laughter)

TALIESIN: Yeah. I think that went really well, personally.

LAURA: (holds up the iceflex and squeals, pointing) Look at this! I've got it!

TALIESIN: Yeah, look at that.

SAM: What does it look like?

LAURA: It's blue, because it is blue is what it looks like.

MATT: You see that the mithral material, which looked like a sparkling silverish type, almost gun metal coloration to it initially, with elements of flakes and light in it, now has this dull, bluish hue, almost like these ice crystals have been embedded within. But there is no change in the actual material of it. It just almost seems to hold these faint specks of light blue energy within. It is cold to the touch, like your fingers begin to go numb just clutching it in your fingers.

LAURA: Feels good!

SAM: We did it, we did it! We made the iceflex, right?

TRAVIS: That was an incredible sight watching a giant fuck-off owl and then, I mean, that dragon was right behind you.

LAURA: That dragon was huge.

MICA: That dragon was mean.

LAURA: Way bigger than I thought it was going to be.

SAM: Are you down? Do you need healing?

MICA: I may need to take a nap or--

LAURA: Oh, I can help. Hold on, let me see how many spells I have left. I think I've got a good amount.

MICA: Before that I want to Healing Hands myself to restore nine hit points.

TALIESIN: I was going to say, if everyone has a second, I'm going to cast Beacon of Hope on everybody.

LAURA: Ooh.

MICA: What's that do?

LAURA: It gives us max healing.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. So you don't have to even roll for healing.

LAURA: Hold on, I might have Mass Cure Wounds. I don't know how many spells I have.

TALIESIN: All right.

LIAM: You know what else might help right now, is a drink.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, you guys do that. We should do that.

MICA: That sounds good.

LIAM: Is a drink.

SAM: Oh. Is a drink, oh. I thought you said "ze drink."

LIAM: Well, sometimes, you know, it's just conversational speech.

SAM: Sure, sure.

LAURA: I only have Mass Healing Word. That's not as good.

TALIESIN: Anything is-- yeah, hold on.

TRAVIS: Where do we get Iza drink?

MICA: I know a place.

SAM: There's the Broken Stool Tavern. We've been there.

LIAM: Is that where you typically go? Do you have a specific place that you prefer?

MICA: If we want to go somewhere where we can just like (relaxing sound), we should go to the Tumbled Tankards. The Tumbled Tankards.

LAURA: 29 points of healing.

MICA: Oh, thank you.

MARISHA: I'll take some healing.

TALIESIN: I'll do a Prayer of Healing. Yeah, I'm going to do Prayer of Healing at level three so everyone gets... (counting) 29 points of healing to everybody.

MICA: Oh, that feels so nice. I can see. I can fight.

LIAM: I have a bit of a streak going. I am unscathed. Again.

TRAVIS: You're untouched?

LAURA: Well, you were hiding in the hut the entire time.

TRAVIS: No, no, no, not hiding. He was holding down the fort.

SAM: He was maintaining the hut.

MICA: He did a good job.

TRAVIS: I'm sorry. HQ was holding down the spot.

LAURA: Right, you gave us the best place to escape to. Thank you so much, Caleb. But you were very safe in there.

TALIESIN: That was the kind of teamwork that we need to be showing from day– that was so good. Everybody doing their best.

LAURA: And we were super stealthy.

SAM: It was great. I mean, it kind of couldn't have gone better. I'm sorry that you almost died.

MICA: And also, we didn't get any scales for Umi.

SAM: Oh, no. But you know what, I did get a couple of extra trinket items.

LAURA: He had time, because I was grabbing the mithral. She had time-- sorry, sorry, Nott.

MICA: Do you think that Umi would like them? Are they souvenirs?

LAURA: Oh, you know, but--

SAM: I mean, well... They're very personal to me, I was up there.

LAURA: Oh my gosh! Here, I'll do something. I'm going to use my paint and I'm going to draw a white dragon scale with my fancy paint.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Whoa.

SAM: Can you do that?

MATT: You go ahead and draw a, based on your brief interactions with the dragon, a white dragon scale. You're uncertain as to the quality of the scale, whether it matches the hardness, but it definitely appears to look like what could be a collectible white dragon scale.

MICA: (gasps) Now he won't be mad at me, thank you. I'm going to tuck it into my cleavage.

LAURA: Tell him not to blacksmith with it, though, because like, it's not--

MICA: No, no, I'm going to put it in a special flower crown for him and I'm going to make sure that he wears it.

LAURA: Perfect.

MICA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: That's good.

LAURA: That's the only downside-- one of the downsides of sitting next to Sam is that I don't get to see what is on the-- (his flask)

SAM: It's not that good.

TRAVIS: It's a real winner.

SAM: I'm going old school today.

(laughter)

MATT: So, what's the plan, guys?

LAURA: We're going to see Umi.

SAM: Side note, Caleb, I have some items that maybe you should identify.

LAURA: Yeah, we should identify them.

TALIESIN: We can do that while we have drinks, maybe.

SAM: Yeah, let's walk and talk. We're walking.

LIAM: You have booths at this place? They have booths?

LAURA: Booths?

LIAM: Booths.

MICA: Like to sit in?

TRAVIS: A closed place to speak.

(laughter)

SAM: Ze booths. Das booths.

MICA: Ja?

TALIESIN: We went a week without the accent. Now we're all lost.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Never been so glad to see you.

SAM: It's just your accent has changed so much.

LIAM: The cold got into my sinuses.

(laughter)

LIAM: Infected me.

MICA: Yeah, there's a really cool place that I like to sit all the time, and I sit there and the bartender knows me, so we can go there.

SAM: Yeah, let's go.

MICA: Let's go. Make sure that you don't pick fights with anybody in the bar.

MARISHA: Aww.

TALIESIN: Never.

MICA: Just in casies.

MARISHA: Okay.

MICA: They're all very strong. TRAVIS: Why is that? Just the people in there are very–

MICA: Everybody in there is very strong.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LAURA: Stronger than us?

SAM: Everybody is?

TRAVIS: Is it like a fighting bar?

MARISHA: I mean–

TRAVIS: Not that we would object.

SAM: Like a cop bar? Is that what– like why is it so–

MICA: No.

SAM: A super-hero bar?

MICA: No. Let's just all be on our best behavior.

SAM: Because....? It's filled with...?

TALIESIN: Friends.

MICA: Best behavior time. Let's go, everybody.

LAURA: You know what? I bet it's the Glass– I bet it's the arm–

SAM: The Glassblade's bar?

LAURA: Yeah. The Glassblade's bar.

SAM: It's a cop bar. We're going to a– it's a cop bar.

TRAVIS: Cool. They'll all have mustaches. It'll be amazing.

SAM: Let's go.

MATT: All righty. Following Reani's lead, you are brought further across the Deliberation Disk, until eventually a little ways out of the Burleboroughs, which is this region, this neighborhood of the area, you come across a really seedy-looking dive bar, hidden off in a far corner. Dark wood and stained stone and masonry hold it up. At first glance, it almost seems to be an abandoned warehouse, except for the faint bit of interior light that's coming through the one open window and the doorway which has no door, it looks like.

TALIESIN: Vague sound of house music.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Sorry.

MATT: Approaching the interior, you can hear a faint tune as a very, very old dwarf is sitting there with a fiddle, and is staring no particular direction, either enraptured by his music or unable to focus on anything that's not within five feet of him, but is pretty decently skilled at it. The rest of the chamber, it's maybe 20 by 25 feet total size, and of the four tables that are there and the two booths that are in the far corner, it looks like there are three other patrons. They all look grizzled, they all look like they want to be left to minding their own business, and they all turn and stare directly at you as you enter.

SAM: Are they in uniform or anything?

MATT: Not Glassblades.

SAM: Oh.

MICA: I want to immediately walk in and go, "Vonnie!"

MATT: At which point you see around the edge, kind of stumbling outside of a corner, holding a freshly tapped keg and placing it on the counter, you see a dwarf, dark-skinned, salt and pepper mop of hair, well-trimmed goatee that comes down and reaches his sternum at its point, looks over and goes, "Ooh, hi, Reani! C'mere!"

MICA: I immediately dash over there.

MATT: Comes over and gives you a quick little shoulder hug. "Welcome, welcome."

MICA: Vonnie! I brought friends.

MATT: "Ooh, okay. Hello."

SAM: What was this young man's name?

MATT: "I'm Vonbrag. You can call me The Watch. (laughs)"

TRAVIS: The Watch.

MATT: "Anyway, that's a motley crew. But I mean, I wouldn't expect any less as of all this."

MICA: We went to an ice place and we found a dragon and we escaped, and we barely lived, but we lived, and now we're back. Dragons!

MATT: "Sure, all right then."

TALIESIN: Strange but true.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: "Totally."

MARISHA: She was a spider and an owl.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: It was pretty awesome. It was clutch.

TALIESIN: Currently, not at the same time.

MATT: "I can see why they're your friends."

MICA: Yeah!

MATT: "Well come, sit down. Drinks, what ya looking for? We got root mead. We got some--

TRAVIS: Root mead?

MATT: "Have you not had a root mead?"

TRAVIS: No, I haven't. I would love a root mead.

MATT: "Get you some root mead, then."

MARISHA: Is it alcoholic?

LAURA: Can I have some milk please?

TALIESIN: I'll have a juice of anything you've got, or otherwise.

LAURA: Some milk?

TALIESIN: Or milk.

LAURA: With maybe some chocolate melted in it?

TALIESIN: That sounds good.

MATT: "I'll see what I can put together."

SAM: Excuse me, but Beauregard had a question, though.

MATT: "Yes?"

MARISHA: Is the root mead alcoholic?

MATT: "It's mead, of course it fucking is."

MARISHA: Well, there's this thing, root beer, and it's not always alcoholic. So just pardon my--

MATT: "Why would they call it root beer? That's stupid."

SAM: It really is.

MATT: "That makes no sense."

TALIESIN: Never thought about it.

MARISHA: False advertising.

MATT: "Seriously."

LAURA: I think it has to do with the process of brewing it, I think.

TRAVIS: Yes, it burns off, yeah.

MATT: "All right, root meads all around, except for some goat's milk with maybe some chocolate in it."

TALIESIN: Two goat's milk with chocolate, that sounds exciting.

MATT: Give me some time, I can probably pull that together. And what about you?

MICA: Three glasses of root mead, please, and a glass of wine, and small side of ale.

SAM: Is that just for you?

MICA: Yeah.

SAM: Wow.

MARISHA: Is that like a sampler flight?

MICA: No, I'm celebrating.

LAURA: What?

SAM: Wow.

LAURA: That you lived your fight with the dragon?

MICA: Yeah!

LAURA: Yeah!

SAM: I mean, I'm already plastered, and that seems excessive to me.

(laughter)

MICA: I tend to find that alcohol doesn't work that easily, so I got to drink a lot of it, so I'm going to drink a lot of it.

SAM: I'm with you, I'll have the same thing, please.

MICA: Two of those!

TRAVIS: Oh Nott, I don't know if--

MATT: "Yeah, you got it!"

TALIESIN: I take it back, the moral high ground has been lost now.

MATT: "Let's see, for all that, for everyone, that'll put you back about, say full spread, let's call it a solid gold, how about that?"

LAURA: I'll take care of that for everyone. A celebration, after all.

MATT: Vonbrag heads off. Takes a little while, and piecemeals the drinks to you as they come. The root mead's easy to bring out. The milk takes a bit of time and is prepared-- it's not the best you've had, it hasn't been stirred very well and the chocolate's kind of congealed a bit and fallen to the bottom. But with a little bit of additional heat, maybe you could muster.

TALIESIN: I think that's precisely what Thaumaturgy is for at the very least. Just to vibrate the--

LAURA: Oh, that's good. Yeah.

TALIESIN: (Whirring) Yeah.

MICA: Like an electric hand mixer for hot chocolate?

MATT: There you go.

TALIESIN: Exactly.

MATT: And your dive bar flights eventually find their way to your table.

LAURA: I give him an extra gold as a tip.

MATT: "Oh."

SAM: 100% tip.

MATT: Takes it and pockets it. "And what you looking for?"

LAURA: Do you have any of those cupcakes that are, I forget the name of the bakery, but they've got the black moss cupcakes, and do you have any of those?

MATT: "You're looking for cupcakes."

LAURA: The Softer Stone Forge?

MATT: "I don't follow."

MARISHA: That's the baker.

MICA: Oh Vonnie, we're just here to sit, we're not here for a job or anything.

MATT: "Okay."

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: "Is this-- ah, all right then." Pockets the gold, "Thank you."

LAURA: Oh, you're welcome. I thought he was asking if I wanted anything to eat.

MICA: We can get the cupcakes after.

LAURA: Awesome.

SAM: What was he asking?

TALIESIN: We do eventually have to do a look for some residuum, for the refined residuum. I mean, we know where it is, but at some point we're going to have to start thinking about what's the best way to go about getting that while we wait for the sword to get finished.

SAM: What did he mean about a job?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MICA: Well, Vonnie, you know, he looks after people that do things for money sometimes, you know.

TRAVIS: Is this a superhero bar?

LIAM: Or is he your agent?

MICA: No, Samliel's my agent.

TRAVIS: Right.

TALIESIN: Well, we do things for money on occasion.

MICA: Well, you should talk to Vonnie sometime. Vonnie, they do things for money sometimes, too.

TALIESIN: That's very true.

SAM: Might I remind everyone that we already have an assignment if we want it.

TALIESIN: We do.

LAURA: Yeah, which is to steal stuff.

SAM: Don't laugh at me, Fjord.

LAURA: Well, this hot chocolate's giving me hiccups.

(laughter)

I'm getting so drunk on this stuff.

TALIESIN: Maybe we could use some of that good grace to maybe figure out how we're going to go about that. I got to admit, I've never actually, I don't think I really know much about stealing things.

SAM: Why are you hitting me?

LAURA: Give Caleb your stuff.

MICA: Question.

SAM: Oh, yes, while we're talking--

LAURA: But do it super secret. Your wig is shedding on your collar.

TRAVIS: We slide over to a booth in the corner, whatever Reani's favorite little spot was.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: You find a corner of this, yeah. I mean, it's hidden as a booth would be. You're still in eye-shot of any other patron in the chamber, and they're all definitely keeping one eye by the strange cluster of colorful individuals that have made their way into the interior.

TRAVIS: Anything of note of these three individuals, anything that really jumps out, other than probably looking very dangerous, all of them?

MATT: Two of them are dwarven, one male, one female. They both have heavy scars visible, both on forearms and face and neck area. Cloaked, and just generally suspicious-looking. Like they just have that look about them where you're like, I would definitely not, you know, let them walk behind me when I'm trying to go home at night, you know, that kind of a feel. These are rough and tumble looking dwarves. There is one elf who is on the further edge who is looking at you, but also, from what little bit of details you can make out, looks to have like a thin, a pencil mustache, and looks very drunk and is like, trying to make eye contact, but is missing by about a foot.

LAURA: Do we recognize him?

MATT: Not somebody you recognize.

TALIESIN: I think I'd remember a pencil mustache. Those things are like, yeah.

MICA: Hard to forget.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Crack out the--

SAM: Yeah, so I'm going to stealthily and sleight of handy give my two items to Caleb and whisper, Can you identify these at some point?

LAURA: I'm going to keep an eye out to make sure none of these shady characters are trying to make a play for our loot.

MATT: You got it, make a perception check.

LIAM: Do we want to maybe have some of--

LAURA: What the fuck was that roll?

LIAM: Sit with your backs--

LAURA: It was super cocked is what it was.

LIAM: I'll sit at the back of the booth?

SAM: Okay, we'll--

LAURA: 17.

MATT: All right.

SAM: We're making a people wall to shield him as he's working.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: So I pull out the book and slap it down, start cross-referencing, and it's three items?

SAM: Two items.

LIAM: Two items?

LAURA: One is a beautiful gem that's like different colors--

SAM: Rainbowy.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Rainbowy gem.

SAM: The other was a cold to the touch vial of something.

LAURA: No no no, the other was a chain mail.

MATT: Chain mail, that was cold--

SAM: A cold to the touch chain mail, that's right.

MATT: Though now that you pull it out, it's a little warmer. You get the sense that the cold to the touch may have been the metal being embedded in nearby ice when you procured it from the dragon. But yeah, you're using Identify on each?

LIAM: Yeah, 30 minutes.

SAM: 30 minutes?

LIAM: Oh, unless I have it, I can't remember.

LAURA: I thought it was 10 minutes each.

LIAM: I might have it. I meant 30 minutes all told, sorry, I misspoke.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Ja?

LAURA: Ja, ja, ja. Oh ja.

SAM: It's pronounced jah. It's a hard J.

MICA: It's a hard G.

LAURA: Oh gah.

MICA: Ga.

MATT: While he's doing that, is there anything you guys would like to handle while you're drinking? Or are you just drinking?

SAM: Yeah!

TALIESIN: We can start making some plans for the rest of our--

SAM: Okay, yes, so we have this iceflex stuff, we need to go back to--

LAURA: Umi.

SAM: Omagard Smeltborne and give it to them. But then there was this other mission. What was the other mission?

MICA: I have a very important question.

SAM: Yes?

MICA: So, I thought about what you were saying about if you steal for good, then it's not bad.

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MICA: Is that this situation? Because I asked Samliel when we went to sleep in the snow, and he didn't say anything, but you took from the dragon, but the dragon was mean.

LAURA: Right.

MICA: So does that make it okay?

LAURA: Oh, yeah.

SAM: Of course.

LAURA: The dragon was trying to kill us. We were looking for things that would save our lives.

SAM: And help all of the world.

LAURA: Yeah.

LIAM: Caleb pops his head up and says: Think of it not so much as a stealing. It's more like liberating.

MICA: Which is good.

LAURA: Right, because the dragon, he didn't own those things to begin with anyway.

MICA: So the dragon was bad because he stole them--

SAM: She.

MICA: -- she stole them and taking it from the dragon means that we were doing the good thing.

LAURA: Yep.

TRAVIS: That's right. It would've sat there and nothing, but for us, they're little deposits on the side of good.

MICA: So if we take this ring, but Madame Ava is mean to me, but she's not bad, but the people that took from her are bad, so we have to take it back to be good?

TALIESIN: Well, and the thing that we're going to get from the ring is very good.

LAURA: What are we get get from the ring?

MICA: What are we going to get?

TALIESIN: The residuum.

LAURA: Right.

MICA: Is that stuff good?

TALIESIN: Yes.

SAM: If used by good people, which we are?

MICA: Which you are.

TALIESIN: Like me.

MICA: You're good.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MICA: I like Pinky, Pinky's good.

TRAVIS: The inflection goes down when you're certain.

SAM: We are.

TALIESIN: I wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't necessary to help to benefit honestly everything.

MICA: Right, and you're helping Umi who's good, so you're good.

LAURA: Exactly, we're very good.

TALIESIN: This is all in service of the Wildmother.

LAURA: And the Traveler.

TALIESIN: And the Traveler.

MICA: Who's the Traveler?

LAURA: Oh. My. Gosh. You haven't heard of the Traveler?

MICA: No. Is the Traveler good?

SAM: Do you have 45 minutes?

LAURA: He's the coolest guy ever.

MICA: I want to know so much about the Traveler.

LAURA: Let me give you have a pamphlet!

MICA: You have a pamphlet?

LAURA: Yeah, I made them earlier.

MICA: Did you paint this?

LAURA: Yeah, obviously.

MICA: That's so pretty.

LAURA: Thank you.

SAM: The first letter of each sentence is bigger than the rest, it's fancy that way.

(laughter)

MICA: I'm going to save it for later.

LAURA: Okay--

MICA: I'm going to read all about it.

LAURA: Oh please do. He's super cool and awesome and he would just love you.

MICA: I'm going to fold it up and I'm going to tuck it in my cleavage.

MATT: Okay.

MICA: Everything goes in there.

MATT: It's an important purse.

MICA: It's nature's pocket.

MATT: Damn right. All right, so.

MICA: Bag of holding.

(laughter)

LIAM: Oh, I got a claymore in here.

(laughter)

MATT: Perfect. So continue to converse for a bit, the alcohol definitely kicks in for all of you. You get a little nice buzz, but you two get particularly drunk.

MICA: Teehee!

MATT: By the time you finish your Identify spell.

LIAM: Ja, okay.

TALIESIN: Where we at?

LIAM: Well, I can barely lift this one, and he dumps the elven chain mail across the table.

LAURA: No, it's not that heavy.

MATT: It's actually pretty light.

LIAM: It's not 55 pounds? Oh, because it's elven?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: Ooh, this is so heavy.

(laughter)

SAM: Caleb is very weak.

LIAM: This is just as good as it gets, this is finely made, and well, it's light, for some, and will protect you better, so if anyone wants it, it's not for me.

LAURA: It's light chain mail?

SAM: You have to be able to wear chain mail.

MICA: Question.

LIAM: Yeah.

MICA: You put him in the bubble because you said that he can't do things?

LAURA: Well.

LIAM: He can do many things. He's an excellent public speaker, can be intimidating when he wants to, he's very good at accents.

MICA: Well, should we put it on him?

LIAM: I mean, you're a good candidate for it, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Sure, yes, I suppose if no one else--

MICA: He also looks good in a flower crown, he can do that.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

TRAVIS: I think I lost it while we were fighting the dragon in all the hubbub. Could you make me another?

MICA: Yeah.

(laughter)

I'd like to Druidcraft a flower crown while this is happening.

MATT: Easy enough to do. The dark stained, just beer-sticky table that's in the middle of this tavern suddenly begins to sprout flowers and buds, and they begin to fill the space of this micro bush. You begin to pluck and weave, and easily enough done.

MICA: Once I'm done, I just place it on his head.

TALIESIN: Better. Really ties the whole outfit together.

MICA: I put extra green ones in there.

TALIESIN: Oh, I can see.

MICA: Because I feel like it brings out--

TALIESIN: No, the contrasting colors are really nice.

MICA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: It really bring out the emeralds in his skin

MICA: Right, right?Yeah, I feel like purple is also like his color–

LAURA: Let me see, because mine's studded armor, so maybe it's better than mine.

TALIESIN: I've got like a little, you know.

MICA: Yeah, it's beautiful.

TRAVIS: While they're looking, what else did you find?

LIAM: Well, this colorful stone is very interesting. Again, not for me, because I don't have a good throwing arm. This is good for one use.

MARISHA: Oh.

LIAM: This, chucked into a dangerous situation, will dispel any arcane hazard or magical problem that we encounter, to an extent.

SAM: A dispel grenade? Is that--

LIAM: More or less, yes.

MARISHA: It's so pretty.

TALIESIN: Huh.

LIAM: Yeah, but one and done, with it.

TALIESIN: Who's got the best arm?

LAURA: Can we turn it into a necklace or something?

SAM: Beau's got a pretty sweet arm.

MICA: Beau seems strong.

TRAVIS: Go ahead, Smith & Wesson, let's see 'em.

SAM: Maybe we should have a contest to see who's got the sharpest arm.

LAURA: Yeah, let's try.

TALIESIN: An arm cutting contest?

MARISHA: Between me and you?

SAM: Anyone else who wants to--

LAURA: I want to try.

LIAM: My elbows are very pokey.

TRAVIS: I'll try.

LAURA: So you should try. You should try, let's all try.

TALIESIN: I'm having a weird fear of being left out, so I'm going to try.

MICA: I'd like to Druidcraft a vine ball for them to throw, and I'd like to hold it and then go: Throw this one!

SAM: I'm going to set up some tankards in a carnival style. Yeah, yeah, a pyramid.

MICA: Vonnie, do you mind if we use the bar for a contest?

MATT: "I don't know, it's real busy right now," and he points, and there's nobody, he's like, "Sure, fucking go for it."

MICA: Yay, thank you!

MATT: "Of course. I'm curious as to what you're thinking up."

MICA: I'm going to toss it over to Fjord.

TRAVIS: (startled) Whoa!

MARISHA: All right, so what are the rules? Got to get it in the center cup?

TRAVIS: Are we actually throwing this or something else?

MARISHA: Is this like beer pong?

LAURA: We should do like a small ball.

MICA: Small ball?

LAURA: Yeah.

MICA: All right, I'm going to take it back.

SAM: Re-craft?

MICA: Re-craft into a small ball.

LAURA: Nice.

MICA: Ready?

TRAVIS: Yep.

MICA: You got it?

LAURA: Good catch, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Where am I throwing it?

TALIESIN: I'm going to set up a tankard on a stool at the other end of the--

SAM: Maybe we should set up a few.

LAURA: Yeah, whoever can knock over the most tankards in 10 seconds. That doesn't make any sense because you have to run and get the thing.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: When it counts, it's only going to get one throw. It should be whoever gets the closest by one throw.

MICA: Like milk bottles at a carnival.

LAURA: Whoever can throw it into the tankard.

MARISHA: Into the tankard?

SAM: Into it? that's a great one.

MARISHA: Or knocking off the tankard.

SAM: No, but if you have to arc it, that's a little skill. That's finesse. I like it.

MATT: It is literally now beer pong.

MARISHA: It's beer pong, yeah, it's beer pong.

SAM: We're inventing beer pong.

SAM, LAURA, MATT, and MARISHA: Canon!

SAM: Mead pong, mead pong.

TRAVIS and MICA: Root mead pong.

MATT: Oh my god.

LIAM: You are excellent at catching projectiles. How are you at throwing them?

MARISHA: Huh?

SAM and LAURA: Who are you talking to?

SAM: Eye contact.

LIAM: You, Caleb.

MARISHA: What?

(laughter)

SAM: This got weird.

LIAM: Beauregard.

MARISHA: Oh, me, you were not looking at me in any fashion.

LIAM: This is episode 76. I never have eye contact with anyone when I am talking to them.

MARISHA: Am I good at throwing things?

SAM: You did last week.

(laughter)

You were so attractive.

(laughter)

MATT: I agree.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Yeah, I'm pretty good at throwing shit.

TRAVIS: Right, so we set up one cup across the room and another one where we started, and that way we can just throw back and forth and see who gets the closest.

SAM: Great.

MATT: The three other patrons are confused by this scenario. It seems to be the most rambunctious space they've been present to in a while. Gather in the far corner, and you can see them quietly begin to make wagers with each other.

TRAVIS: I'm just saying--

MATT: So who's doing what first?

TRAVIS: I'll go first, I'll take the, is the cup ready? (Shouting) Is it ready?

TALIESIN: Cup's all set!

TRAVIS: All right. How high is the ceiling? Is it low, medium, are there rafters, are there--

MATT: There are rafters, in the most basic sense of the form. You see two crossbars across the way.

TRAVIS: Okay, are they hanging low?

MATT: No. It's actually three oil lanterns that give all the light in the interior of this entire space, so it's pretty dark.

TRAVIS: All right.

MATT: You have good darkvision, you're fine.

TRAVIS: I'll give a little sidearm action and try and put a little loft under it.

MATT: Okay. As it's thrown, I'm saying, for the purposes of this, the ball can be either strength or dex, your choice.

TRAVIS: Oh, both suck anus, so, you know, let's go dex.

MATT: Great.

TRAVIS: Six.

MATT: It goes wide and (impacts) against the far corner.

MARISHA: Yeah, cap'n! Yeah!

TRAVIS: My hands are sweaty. Knees weak, arms ahead. All right.

MICA: Mom's spaghetti.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Bringing it back.

TRAVIS: I'll go fetch it. No, somebody has to go over there and fetch it and throw it back.

SAM: I'll go.

LAURA: Why?

SAM: We're playing back and forthies. I'll go over--

LIAM: Frumpkin goes and brings it back, and will continue to do so.

MATT: Carrying it in their mouth.

SAM: I'm tossing.

MATT: All right. Strength or dex?

SAM: Dex. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, check or?

MATT: Just add your dexterity modifier.

SAM: Am I still drunk?

MATT: Yes, you are. Technically it's an attack roll, so you don't have to--

SAM: Okay. Well then, it's still nine.

MATT: Nine.

TRAVIS and MARISHA: Nein!

MATT: Much like Robin Hood split his own arrow, you throw it in the exact same corner that Fjord did, with no improvement.

TRAVIS: Ey, hey hey!

SAM: The group, the group.

TRAVIS: Yes, grouping.

MATT: Almost surprisingly accurate for the wrong direction. So well done. Frumpkin goes ahead and retrieves it, and in the mouth, (purrs), drops it.

MARISHA: Thanks, kitty cat.

SAM: Come on, Beau.

MATT: Strength or dex, ad your modifier.

MARISHA: Dex.

SAM: Kennedy, Kennedy, Kennedy, Kennedy.

MARISHA: Hang on, that's heavy, that's a heavy one.

MATT: (impact) Oh no.

TRAVIS: Are you throwing this into the backboard of your iPa-- tablet?

MARISHA: That's how he did it.

LIAM: Bank shot.

LAURA: Oh no.

MARISHA: 10.

MATT: 10.

TRAVIS: Wow, I'm glad this doesn't count for anything life-threatening right now.

(laughter)

MATT: This one actually hits the tankard, but it hits the very edge of the rim and then bounces off. So it's the closest anyone's gotten, but definitely not within the actual cup.

SAM: Just trying to get closest.

LAURA: Here we go, here we go, here we go.

SAM: Come on, Jessie.

TRAVIS: I was expecting way better.

MARISHA: Mead creeps up on you.

LAURA: I'm up.

LIAM: Get it, get it.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Strength or dex, your choice.

SAM: Right in the hole.

LAURA: I'm going to go dex. Wait, no. I'll go, yeah, dex.

SAM: Put this ball in the hole.

MATT: So add your dex modifier, not your saving throw.

LAURA: 14.

MATT: 14.

SAM: In the teens now.

MATT: You go ahead and lob the small sphere of condensed, tangled bits of vine, and it actually enters the cup, and like slowly rolls, and almost tumbles out, but then stays within.

(cheering)

TRAVIS: What what!

SAM: Nice! She hasn't been drinking.

TALIESIN: Just because, I got to try too, all right. All right. Going for dex.

MICA: Oh.

TALIESIN: 11.

MATT: 11. It hits the corner and like, circles a bit before it spins off and doesn't land inside.

TRAVIS: So close.

TALIESIN: That's fair, that's fair.

SAM: Well, there we have it. Reani, are you competing as well, or no?

MICA: I mean, I don't want to keep the stone, but I can try.

TRAVIS: Yeah, why not.

MICA: Okay. All right, wait, everybody threw it.

LAURA: I know, I didn't throw mine, I should've thrown it.

SAM: Well, you won.

TALIESIN: Hey.

LAURA: Oh. Oh, whoa.

MATT: Strength or dex.

MICA: That's 15.

MATT: 15. Inside the cup, rests directly, like almost a swish, not quite, it does hit the edge of it.

TRAVIS: Well done.

MARISHA: She's got to be fucking good at everything.

MICA: I did it.

SAM: Good back spin.

LAURA: I did it!

MICA: I did it. (giggles)

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Good call.

SAM: Wow.

TRAVIS: Excellent.

LAURA: Wow.

SAM: Well, I guess you get to keep it.

MICA: No!

LAURA: You don't want to?

MARISHA: You should give it to Umi.

MICA: Do you think Umi would like it?

TRAVIS: Well... Travis and Laura talking at once)

TRAVIS: I think it's in safe hands with Jester, and she'll use it expertly to, you know, get us out of some arcane shit.

SAM: Reani is a superhero.

TALIESIN: On the other hand--

TRAVIS: She doesn't need help, she's a superhero.

SAM: Okay, that's fair.

TALIESIN: On the other hand, that chain mail might be a perfect fit.

LAURA: I do have Dispel Magic already, so I feel like somebody else really should use this.

SAM: Someone like Reani?

LAURA: Someone--

LIAM: How far are you able to-- Jester?

LAURA: Huh?

LIAM: How far out are you able to dispel things?

LAURA: That's a good question. Probably pretty far, but maybe not that far.

MICA: Can we give it to Beau because Beau is strong?

SAM: Sure.

LAURA: I mean, I'm stronger than Beau. I don't want to like brag or anything, but I am really fucking strong.

MICA: But if you can dispel magic, then you already have it--

LAURA: But yeah, Beau really needs it, and I can do it up to 120 feet, which really is pretty far.

MICA: And Beau smacked a yeti in the face and it died.

MARISHA: This feels like a consolation prize. Am I being pitied?

TRAVIS: Yes, absolutely.

MARISHA: Do you want it?

TRAVIS: Yes, thank you.

(laughter)

MICA: I was trying to help.

SAM: Good contest, everyone.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Four, four items.

(Count Von Count laughter)

Yes, boom!

MICA: We need to get you a Rolodex, damn.

TRAVIS: Read 'em and weep, bitches. (Drops one of the papers) Oh shit, no! Three!

(laughter)

MATT: And just like that.

MICA: Three items.

TRAVIS: He giveth and he taketh away.

TALIESIN: I think the chain mail might be a nice gift.

TRAVIS: To Umi, yes.

LAURA: Oh, I just put it on, but I can take it off.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Jester, put it back on.

SAM: Do you need it, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: I'm fine.

SAM: Okay. Here, Reani, oh wait, do you need it?

LAURA: I mean, it's better than my armor, but I don't--

SAM: Well, then keep it, keep it, keep it.

TRAVIS: We have the white dragon scale, it's a wonderful gift.

MICA: We have the dragon scale, he'll be happy.

TALIESIN: All right. Let's--

SAM: All right, let's plan.

TALIESIN: Let's go deliver the goods, and then we'll talk about the next step of this mission.

SAM: Okay. We'll go to--

TALIESIN: And maybe a nap.

TRAVIS and SAM: Omigerd.

TALIESIN: Because a lot's happened today.

SAM: Shmerberg.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Urma Ermagerd?

MATT: You guys go ahead and make your way back to the Anvil of Smeltborne.

LIAM: Actually, Caleb waits till everyone walks out and looks across the room with a cup and pulls out a little wad of bat shit.

LAURA: You're going to do it?

LIAM: (rolls) 16.

MATT: (ball arcs and swishes) Bloop.

LIAM: (nods, smiles, and mimes walking out)

MATT: Nothing but mug. (clapping) That was beautiful.

MICA: Frumpkin saw it and that's all that counts.

MATT: And Frumpkin won't tell anyone. Frumpkin keeps all the secrets.

(laughter)

MICA: Later that night Speaks with Animals. So what happened when we left?

MATT: Let me tell you, girl. Shit was cray. All right. You guys make your way to the Anvil of Smeltborne outside of the Moradin's Mantle temple. You guys good? Have any questions?

SAM: Just about armor class.

MATT: Okay, gotcha.

LAURA: Because I put on this, and it's AC 14, and I took off my studded armor, which is AC 12, but my armor class didn't go up.

MATT: Because the higher tiers of armor don't allow as much of your dex modifier, possibly.

LAURA: Oh. Here Reani.

(laughter)

I think you should use this, try it out.

MATT: What's your dex bonus?

LAURA: Plus four.

MATT: Your dex bonus is plus four? So yeah, so there's going to be a limitation to the dex modifier the armor will allow, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: Dex modifiers, man.

MATT: Yeah, she rolled some crazy stats.

LAURA: Here you go.

MICA: Okay, thank you. I'm going to give it to Umi.

MATT: As you approach the exterior of the Smeltborne Anvil, you can hear the clanging of metal against metal, familiar to the last time you were here. However, as you enter, you do not see Umagorn at the forge, instead you see Deilin, as she's in the process of hammering some sort of a small metallic object of some kind, holding it with tongs and just lightly tapping it against the side of the anvil. Off in the corner, you see with a big mug of some sort of steaming liquid, and currently in the process of thumbing through a book, you see Umagorn, hair a bit disarray, dirty brow, glance up and go, "Ooh, you've all returned already. That's faster than I expected. Or have you not left yet?"

MICA: Guess what, we lived!

LAURA: We killed a dragon.

MICA: We didn't kill it.

LAURA: Slaughtered it dead.

MICA: Jester!

SAM: The only thing left is this one dragon scale.

MATT: Make a deception check.

(laughter)

LAURA: One.

(laughter)

MATT: Umagorn goes, "Right. Well, congratulations on taking down--"

LAURA: Thank you so much, we're so hardcore.

MATT: "I'm blown away by your skill. Did you actually go?"

MICA: We did. Guess what! And I fish out the scale. I'm like: I got you a thing. And I hold up the chain mail, I'm like we got you a thing, and we got you a thing!

MATT: He puts down what you can see now is coffee and it sloshes on the side of his mug, goes, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you serious?"

LAURA: Which one do you want first?

MICA: So many.

MATT: "Well, the mithral."

MICA: That makes sense. He holds it and goes, "Ow." You see him moving it from hand to hand as the cold temperature of it burns his fingers, he's like, he looks up at you with a look that just says how are you holding it so easily? Then sets it on the table and looks it over. "I'm going to be perfectly honest. This is the first time I've actually seen this. This is really impressive. I've only read about this material. So it's--"

SAM: But you can work with it, right?

MATT: "I have all the notes for it."

SAM: Notes?

MATT: "Right."

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: You're sure it's blue enough, based on what you've read?

TRAVIS: It better be, we're not going back.

MARISHA: I know.

MATT: He takes it and holds it in his hand. "I'm pretty sure that's good to go."

TALIESIN: Do you need to take it to the anvil, or is it going to be okay to do it here? Do you need--

MATT: "Oh, no, this needs to be forged where it was originally reinforced. We're going to have to make a trip to the Cinderrest."

SAM: We should get the stuff.

TALIESIN: We should get what we need, then.

LAURA: The glass before, yeah.

TRAVIS: Refined asiduum.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Next stop.

MATT: "What's that?"

MARISHA: He was abbreviating, or truncating, or don't worry about it.

MATT: "What else are you holding there?"

MICA: I have a scale and I have chain mail. Oh my god, it rhymes. Gifts.

MATT: "Is this..."

LAURA: It's elven chain mail.

LIAM: It's gifs.

MATT: "That's beautiful. Wow."

LAURA: I was going to keep it, but then we were like, Oh my gosh, Umi probably needs it more than anyone else, he could probably use it.

MATT: "I mean, I could look at this, and maybe just from inspecting it and doing a bit of research, I can look to maybe make a similar type armor."

LAURA: Oh, good.

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: "I haven't quite spent too much time researching the old ways of elven smithing. Sticking to my lineage, but maybe it's time to cross over a bit, huh?"

LAURA: I mean, there's plenty of elves here, they would probably be happy to patronize your shop.

MATT: (chuckles) You see him jangling it in his hand and he holds it. "That's very light." Tosses it over his shoulder and looks at the scale. "That's pretty. Lighter than I expected."

MICA: Do you like it?

MATT: "It's very nice, thank you."

MICA: Guess what, guess what, I didn't die.

MATT: "I'm proud of you."

MICA: Thanks.

MATT: "Don't go and do that again. Don't push it. I'm proud of you."

MICA: Thanks.

MATT: He pats you on the shoulder.

TRAVIS: Do you have a lot of experience making other protective items? Armor, things that might keep a newly squishy person a bit less squish?

MICA: Umi, he's talking about himself. Can you help him not be squishy?

TRAVIS: Or anyone else with an attractive face and squishy characteristics.

LIAM: Also DM, I have a question. Chain mail in the book, says you need a strength of 13 to wear it, is that true for this chain mail?

MATT: Yes. Well, hold on, what does it say specifically?

LIAM: I don't have it anymore.

TALIESIN: Even if you are not proficient with medium armor. Lack proficiency with medium armor.

MATT: Right.

MICA: Would you like to read the paper?

LAURA: Yeah, it doesn't say anything about. It's still 20 pounds.

MATT: Still 20 pounds, 20 pounds is still less than it is in the book, if I'm correct, right? What's the weight of--

LIAM: 55 pounds.

LAURA: Yeah, so, that's way better.

MATT: So I would, that doesn't make much sense to me. I'd say the purpose of elven chain mail initially is that it's meant to be much more lightweight and probably would not have the same strength requirement, in my opinion.

LIAM: Okay.

SAM: So he could wear it?

MATT: That's how I'm ruling it in my campaign.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

SAM: (sings piano music)

TRAVIS: Don't. (laughter)

LAURA: So we gave it away, but you could use it.

LIAM: Could possibly use--

MATT: Nott suffers 14 points of damage.

SAM: Oh no.

(laughter)

MICA: In exchange for the everybody being very nice and helping us get the ice stuff, could we possibly make armor for the squishy people?

MATT: "I mean, I can make armor, but I have armor already made. It depends what you're looking for. You need splint mail, you need-- I mean, I make chain mail fine, that takes a while and I've got three bits back here, but I mean, to be honest, this is better than what I can make. I'm not an enchanter."

TRAVIS: I'm a little curious about what plate mail might look like, something that actually, you know, protects.

MATT: "Well that I can do, but--" and he looks you over. II mean no offense, I don't know if you've got the physique for it."

TRAVIS: Oh. Right.

MATT: He points over in the corner and you see hanging on one of like four different wooden armatures, one is like a torso, there is an upper part of full plate mail. It's beautifully crafted, large shoulder spaulders and guards that go up past the sides of the head. It's just gorgeous, with like chain underneath as well as, you know, the interior, what's called the gambion, the cloth material that's between the skin and the armor. It's beautiful, looks heavy as fuck, and very cumbersome.

TRAVIS: Right.

SAM: I think what he's saying is that you need deltoids and traps even just to keep it on your form. Because you don't have any of those, it will just slide right off.

MATT: "If we're being honest here, and I appreciate the gifts you've given me, but if you're looking for armor to protect you, I've got no use for this other than to resell it."

LIAM: I feel awkward taking something back from you, but you know, we also--

MATT: "You're not taking it back from me. I'm giving it back. If you're looking to keep yourself alive and you're going after dragons and some shit like that, best not get yourself killed," and he throws the chain back to you.

SAM: Is that something that you can use?

TALIESIN: Anyone can use it.

TRAVIS: Anyone can use it. Caleb could use it.

LIAM: I could use it.

LAURA: Put it on, Caleb. You're so little.

SAM: Do you not have armor?

TRAVIS: I do, I have the mariner's breastplate.

LIAM: I start to take off this purple cloak and another inner layer, and I start to slide into this thing. Ooh, it's quiet.

LAURA: Ish, it's quiet-ish.

LIAM: If I put my coat on over it, it's muffled. You can't hear it.

TALIESIN: I can hear a bit of it.

LIAM: Well you can hear and see anything.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's fair.

MICA: Is it comfy?

TRAVIS: Do that again, tap your chest. (high-pitched) Boobies boobies boobies.

(laughter)

SAM: It does that every time?

TRAVIS: It's so strange, elven boobies are so... so mysterious. Their ways are foreign and wonderful.

(laughter)

SAM: Those elves.

MICA: Those elves have their priorities.

(laughter)

MATT: So the idea here is, depending on who decides it, with chain mail, it does give you an AC of 16 base.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: No dexterity bonus.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: So, you lose any dex bonus and you--

LIAM: That would bring me to 15.

SAM: Does it help you?

MARISHA: Really?

LIAM: It's 16, but no dex bonus, so I would be at-- wait wait wait, yeah. That would put me--

SAM: 15 or 16?

LIAM: This would be higher than I've ever, ever been.

MATT: Does Mage Armor put you at--?

LIAM: I go 11 normally, 14 with Mage Armor.

MATT: Gotcha, so it'd bring you up to 16.

LAURA: Wow.

SAM: Whoa.

TRAVIS: Enthusiastic yes.

LAURA: That's probably the most defended mage in history, I think.

MATT: Wait, is it chain mail or chain shirt?

LIAM: Chain mail.

MATT: Chain mail, got it. What's it say on there particularly?

LIAM: Oh, chain shirt. Chain mail, and under it it says chain shirt.

SAM: It's a chain shirt.

MATT: Gotcha, it's called chain mail, but it is a chain shirt.

LIAM: (groans) So that's different.

MATT: Sorry. Chain shirt is 13 plus dex.

LIAM: Okay.

SAM: What's your dex?

LIAM: It is 13 plus dex? That still gets me to 14 without Mage Armor. So it is still an improvement.

MATT: But it's a plus one chain mail, I believe?

LAURA: Yes.

LIAM: Yes?

MATT: Correct, which would bring it up to a 15.

LIAM: 15.

TRAVIS: Oh, happy days are here.

LIAM: I'm Mr. Frodo.

(laughter)

MATT: Chain mail's heavy armor.

LIAM: (Travis mimes stabbing him) Sam!

TALIESIN: Everyone gets a stab.

TRAVIS: Fool of a Took! Yeah.

MATT: So, elven chain mail is a vestige of AD&D.

TALIESIN: Dex modifier, yeah. Armor's always weird to figure out. That's fun.

MATT: Indeed.

MICA: Oh, he's so happy.

LIAM: Yep! Yes I am.

LAURA: (laughs)

MARISHA: It's nice. It refracts the light in a weird way. Have this like, disco wizard quality to you. Yes.

MATT: That's why I was confused with the strength earlier, I was like, "There's no strength requirement." For the chain mail there is, not a chain shirt. Sorry for confusing myself and I'm sure a lot of you. Anyway, Umi's like, "I mean, I don't know how soon you're looking to go, but we have to pack a bit." Looks back at Deilin, who's still working, and walks over to Deilin and gets her attention from the work, and she looks up and kind of wipes her forehead, looks back and sees the rest of you, smiles and waves, her little waifish elven smile. Umi signs to her a bit and she signs back and sets down the tongs, and nods and walks over and starts packing. Umi's like, "Well--

TALIESIN: We have one last bit of business. What's that family name--

MATT: "She's my assistant, so she's going to have to come with me."

TALIESIN: Oh, of course.

MATT: "I need all the help I can get."

SAM: We were going to go to the Tumblecarves. Tumblecarves? They're the ones with the red ring?

MATT: "What are you going to Tumblecarves for?"

LAURA: Have you heard of them?

MATT: "Yeah."

LIAM: Are they dicks?

MATT: "Yeah! Stuffy-ass fucking noble family, bunch of bastards. Why?"

SAM: We need to retrieve an--

TRAVIS: Normal family?

MATT: "Noble."

TRAVIS: Oh.

SAM: We needed to retrieve an item for Ava?

MICA: Yeah, and they told me that if you take something from someone that's bad, it's good, so it's okay.

MATT: "That's sound, maybe. Look, if you're getting tangled in with those folk, and Ava, just don't mention my name."

SAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: We can do that.

SAM: I don't really know how to pronounce it.

TALIESIN: What kind of business are they in, out of curiosity?

MATT: "To be honest, I don't fuckin' know. It's not my business."

TRAVIS: Just not well-regarded?

MATT: "I don't mean any offense, but like... offense is a strange term, but there's certain castes in the city where the nobles are well known for their affiliations. These folk, well, they're... known to be into some strange stuff."

TRAVIS: Strange? Like arcanely strange?

MATT: "Collectors."

TRAVIS: Oh.

MATT: "They tend to send out servants looking for odds and ends, and then they show up suddenly and mysteriously knowing about things that just made their way into town for sale, strange collectibles. They're very in the know."

LAURA: Oh, they're going to have so many things. I bet they're going to have traps, though.

TRAVIS: Hands in your pockets when we go in.

LAURA: I don't ever steal things.

SAM: I do.

MARISHA: Has there been any rumor of criminal activity that they've been involved in, smuggling?

MATT: "I haven't the foggiest. Tumblecarves tend to keep to their own. I think I've only walked past maybe one or two of them, and they just look like right pricks, anyway."

MARISHA: Would I have any knowledge of that name?

MATT: You can make a history check.

MARISHA: Okay.

MICA: Question, does this crew run with that one bad faction that's name is escaping me?

MATT: You haven't really had any interaction with the Tumblecarves at all. Like may have heard the name once, but that's about it.

MICA: All right.

MARISHA: 21.

MATT: 21. Because it's Uthodurn and you spent most of your life in the Empire, I'd say... you may have read the name in a book once in just a paragraph talking about the diarchy of Uthodurn and the various noble families in power. But, you've heard of it, you know it's a legitimate noble family, you know that they've been part of Uthodurnian society installed for probably 10 generations or so. So they're old blood.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: That's like dwarven generations, too, which is-- we're looking at probably been involved since, you know, a few centuries after the Calamity. So they've been around for hundreds of years. As a noble family. That's the best that you can make out. But that's something.

MARISHA: Okay.

TALIESIN: I mean, we're going to be okay. We've got a good plan. Or we're going to have a good plan.

(laughter)

MICA: I mean, I think if we got stuff back from a dragon that almost killed us, we can get stuff back from a bunch of nobles.

MATT: "You're not wrong. With that comparison, I think you're on a roll. Just don't be stupid."

MARISHA: Is it bad that the nobles scare me more than a dragon?

TALIESIN: No, I'm actually having a lot of-- more tension, feeling of tension.

LIAM: We have some experience with that sort of thing, though, our group.

TALIESIN: We do?

LIAM: Apologies, before your time.

TALIESIN: Oh, oh.

LAURA: Yeah, and Beau almost died wrapped up in a carpet.

MICA: No!

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I could see that.

LAURA: Okay, no carpets for Beau.

TRAVIS: Yes, no dying by rug.

MARISHA: Well--

SAM: Different kind.

TRAVIS: Oh my... fucking--

MARISHA: I mean--

LIAM: Beau fell prey to a rug muncher. It is true.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Little lob and just dunk.

TALIESIN: I can't remember, are you above me or below me?

MARISHA: Huh?

TALIESIN: Above me or below me on the screen? I can never remember.

MARISHA: I think I'm below you.

TALIESIN: All right, fist bump.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: That was good.

MICA: That was so smooth.

TALIESIN: So proud.

SAM: Just to clarify, we need to go reclaim, liberate from these nobles because we need refined residuum glass. And my bag of residuum is not good enough. We already tried that, right?

TALIESIN: We did.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: We need the crystals that Ava has.

SAM: And we're sure that we will get refined residuum glass if we complete this mission.

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: You were shown a sizeable quantity of it by Ava.

SAM: Okay, then where do we go? Reani?

LAURA: You know where the Tumblecarves live?

MATT: You probably haven't been there, but you ask Umi, if you want to, and he goes, "If you're looking for them, they're on the Liber Disk. Go for the Demerant Circle."

SAM: Derp!

MATT: "There's a bunch of wealthy families who live in that space, I'm pretty sure they're about there. (sighs) It's like a three-story home. Back wall shaped like a wedge like the front of a ship. Crystal windows."

LAURA: Have they got three story balconies?

SAM: Yep, they've got a balcony that's three stories high. Single-level house.

(laughter)

MATT: Definitely built in the '70s.

MICA: Shag carpet?

MATT: Yeah. (laughs) It's got one of those recessed den pits.

SAM: By the way, Umagorn? Umagorn.

MATT: "Yeah?"

SAM: What time is it right now?

MATT: At this point, you guys have been out for the day, you just returned. I'd say it's pushing into evening probably, especially after you guys have been drinking for a bit, it's evening, it's evening.

MARISHA: Question, has it been the two evenings since I talked to Archivist Stars--

SAM and TALIESIN: Skarsgaard.

LAURA: Alexander Skarsgaard.

MARISHA: Demid! Wait. Yes. When we talked about meeting up and talking about--

LAURA: Oh, meeting at the IHOP?

MICA: Oh yeah, the Denny's parking lot.

(laughter)

MATT: Yes, it would've been two days, because--

MARISHA: So that's tonight?

MATT: Because we did say that you guys had had a night's rest, though I think it may have gotten a little muddled between episodes, because that happens occasionally. But before you went to the Mythburrow, exactly, we did say you guys took a full rest beforehand, so that would put us at two days.

MARISHA: So that would be tonight, theoretically, that that would be taking place.

MATT: Yeah, if you wanted to follow up on that.

MARISHA: If I wanted to do that, okay.

MATT: Your call.

MARISHA: All right.

MICA: Would anybody like to sleep over at my house before we go?

SAM: Sure.

MICA: We had a long day, and I can make, I don't know, hot chocolate?

SAM: Can you fit all of us in your--

MICA: Well, we're going to have to smush, and maybe we can all just sleep out in the den, and we can light a fire and tell stories.

LAURA: And build a pillow fort?

MICA: Build a pillow fort! But you guys are welcome to stay over and then you don't have to pay inn fees.

LAURA: That's nice.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'm okay with that.

LAURA: Would we sleep now and then get up like, in the middle of the night and go to the Tumblecarves? Or are we going to check it out before we go do this?

LIAM: We should get a look at the place.

MICA: Check it out first.

LAURA: Let's walk by there.

MICA: It's just been a long-- I know that we had a long journey, and if anybody wants to just--

MATT: It's about a 30 minute walk from where you are.

SAM: So we could go, come back.

LAURA: Let's go check it out and then go hang out at your house.

MICA: We can get cupcakes on the way back.

LAURA: Fuck yeah.

MATT: All right, so following the instructions, you head towards the Demerant Circle in the Liber Disk. Looking around, there's a few homesteads that definitely stand above and beyond the others in the vicinity. You see a handful of them that-- it's interesting, in this one section amongst the large tunnel that forms the auger-like spiral of the entire city, in the Demerant Circle, there is a whole section of the wall where you can see tunnels are carved into the side with staircases that switch back and up and at certain locations there, you can see elven abodes that are four, five stories that are built into the rock, and because they're built into the rock, they're designed in odd shapes that shouldn't form a homestead. It's almost like-- imagine a Swiss Family Robinson treehouse but halfway built into a rock with no tree. So there's a number of these, and almost like, some of them appear to have been competitively designed and expanded to try and outdo each other. Those are above. On the base floor you can see mainly the dwarven estates of the different noble dwarven families. Keeping an eye out past one that has its own thickly built subterranean garden that is surrounding its home, you do find one area where there's an alcove that pushes in further than the wall of the cave, and there, sitting in that space, you see what looks like a wedged-shaped three story home, matching the description you've been given. You can see this wedge as it protrudes and meets the front where this alcove begins. There are windows and doors on each side and there are balconies that are set up on either side, the third story balcony itself being of the most grandiose of it with chairs set above it, and lanterns hanging. The lanterns are currently out. There is no light from the interior. You do see, in a glance over there, two guards patrolling the exterior of the house. Not glassblades. They're not official. They look to be privately hired to keep an eye on the estate. What you do see from the windows, the texture is crystalline, not smooth. They're almost meant to obfuscate any sort of interior imagery. The wood frames of the doors and much of the structure itself, smooth, well-made. Everything here is very beautiful. It's not grandiose in size in comparison to other homesteads here, but what is there looks to be meticulously placed, designed, and a lot of care has been taken in the details. So, that is what you see before you.

MICA: Question. Are there any roaming animals? Like cats or dogs or birds or goats or...

TRAVIS: Keep going.

MICA: Any just animals about? (laughs) Giraffes, rhinos.

MATT: Right, no rhinos.

MICA: Oh, damn.

MATT: There are occasionally birds that find their way down here, either accidentally, and there are a few subterranean birds that nest within the city, but they're usually on the top side. They're usually hanging up in the--

SAM: Volition Disk?

MATT: The Volition Disk, the top disk.

MICA: So I don't see any--

MATT: Not in this area.

LAURA: Mice?

MATT: There are mice. There's mice, there's rodents, oh yeah, there's all sorts of like, voles and other sorts of rodent-type creatures that exist, both on the natural interior of the city and off of whatever scraps fall from people that live here. One beautiful thing you do notice about this area, too, the stone pillars here that normally hold aloft the over-arch of the walkway on this end have been carved to look like trees. They are these thick striations that head up to where, as opposed to just these large stone structures. Everything here has an extra layer of decor consideration to its design and construction.

SAM: Rainforest Cafe?

(laughter)

MATT: Yes, exactly. There's an animatronic gorilla who keeps like making the same motion. You do also see numerous glowing, hanging glass lanterns hung amongst a lot of these tree pillars, with little arcane firelight motes that sparkle around the outside of it.

LAURA: It looks like ours!

TALIESIN: It is like ours.

MATT: Looking straight up at the cavern roof over this area. too, it appears to be enchanted or painted. You're not quite sure. For being subterranean, it almost looks like a starscape. There's thousands of tiny little pin lights that flicker in and out. This vicinity has been designed to feel like you're more outside than the rest of the interior.

MICA: That's so romantic.

LIAM: Sorry DM, you said that the Tumblecarves building is not built into the wall. It's standalone on its own.

MATT: It's built into an alcove within the far wall. The base of it, yeah.

LIAM: And the guards, you said they're patrolling. Are they ground level?

MATT: level, yeah.

MICA: And you said the mice that-- are they nearby? Like are they by our feet?

MATT: I mean, there isn't like a perpetual cloud of mice around your feet, but mice and rodents do live in these areas, so if you were to search for one or find a way to try and invoke one, you could probably--

MICA: May I search for a mouse?

MATT: Sure, go ahead and roll a perception check for me. Or actually, a nature check. Actually.

TRAVIS: All the checks.

MATT: Sorry. Yes, perception.

MICA: Perception? Okay, should I keep that roll?

MATT: Yeah, keep that one.

MICA: Okay, that was a six. Six plus eight.

SAM: Oh, wow.

MICA: 14.

SAM: Damn.

MATT: 14. Okay. It takes you a little bit of time, but eventually you don't find a mouse, you find mouse droppings, which leads you to a number of small dug holes nearby the base of one of the small guard houses, and you can probably tell there are a number of mice that live within or underneath this guard house.

LAURA: What about bats? Are there bats down here?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: 17.

MATT: 17. Glancing up amongst the higher area of the tree-like pillar and the roof area where the flickering lights are, you glance up and focus with what little light there is and you notice there are hundreds upon hundreds of bats that are all dangling, that are just now starting to wake up. You can just barely hear the squeaks as it's now pushing into the nocturnal period of the night, and the elements of this bat cluster are beginning to come to consciousness and prepare for the evening's hunt within and outside of the city.

LAURA: How smart were those bats when you were talking to them before?

MICA: Eh, they can get the job done.

LAURA: Do you think they would, like, lose track of what they were doing and start eating a curtain?

MICA: No, I think they'd probably come back and then forget whatever they told me, but they'd remember enough.

LAURA: They would remember that they were supposed to go do something.

MICA: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay.

MICA: I'd like to cast to Speak with Animals.

MATT: Okay.

MICA: And are we in sight line of the guards?

MATT: You're not-- you're not at the gates staring at them.

MICA: Right.

MATT: So you look like, you know, some loiterers that are just wandering through a richer neighborhood than you all should probably be in, by their standards.

MICA: So I'd like to kind of, "Hello, bat friends?"

MATT: Okay. They're like, over 100 feet above you, so a whisper's not going to reach them. You have to find some way to--

MICA: Can someone help me get their attention?

TALIESIN: I can throw my voice a bit.

MICA: Yeah.

LAURA: I can turn into a bat and go talk to them.

MICA: I can-- oh, I can't.

SAM: I can throw a bomb.

MICA: No, no, we don't want to hurt our bat friends.

MATT: You have had a short rest while you guys were drinking.

MICA: Oh, we have?

MATT: Well, you guys spent a good hour or so in that tavern.

MICA: Then just kidding. Why don't we both go up as bats and go see if we can get some friends and then we can fly into the house and see where the ring is?

LAURA: Okay. Do you think they would notice that a bunch of bats were in the house?

MICA: Maybe. Hmm, okay, let's think of something--

LAURA: But what if we were bats.

MICA: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: Then we went in through-- is there a fireplace, is there a chimney on the house?

MATT: No.

LAURA: Is there--

MATT: You don't see a chimney, at least. Which is generally, I mean some of the buildings in this subterranean city do have chimneys, but they don't just open up and then fill the interior space with smoke. A lot of them seem to, or the places that do have chimneys have them built near pillars and then merge with the pillars, and you assume the pillars themselves probably continue a flue that eventually sits outside the mountain, which now you think about it, when you approached the city, you saw a series of these small plumes of smoke rising off the mountain. Those all appear to be the exits of the gathered collective chimneys of the city.

LAURA: Fucking cool.

TRAVIS: Going down through a chimney and roll the dice on which exit...

(laughter)

MATT: Yeah! Party pachinko, let's do this!

(laughter)

MATT: What could possibly go wrong?

MARISHA: The windows that you described, they appear to be like, embedded stained glass type of thing? There's no window entrance or latch?

MATT: From the ones that you can see at the front, make a perception check.

MARISHA: All right.

LAURA and MICA: (inaudible whispering)

MARISHA: Okay, 19.

MATT: 19. They do appear to have latches.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: But they are interior latches.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: They're latched from the inside and they're basically dual windows that open outward, but they are currently closed and latched on the other side. The windows themselves, it's less like a stained glass, like the glass itself is uneven, and is developed to look beautifully rough and also obfuscates what is on the inside. You can see shapes maybe from the inside.

MARISHA: Shower glass.

MATT: Kind of, yeah.

TALIESIN: How far away we away from the house right now in number of feet, like--

MATT: At this moment?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: You're probably about 150 feet away.

TALIESIN: All right.

LAURA: Let's hide and turn into bats.

MICA: I like this idea.

LAURA: Hey Caleb. Caleb, Caleb, Caleb, Caleb, Caleb. Do you want to hide and turn into a bat with us and we can all go look in the windows?

LIAM: They are very slow creatures. Not slow, but slow.

LAURA: I'm just saying to fly. I don't want to go in there right now. We just want to, you know, check out the house around to see if there are any openings on the back side of it.

TRAVIS: Just to bring up the old shit, you've been a bat before and it went piss sideways.

SAM: That was a moth. That was a moth.

TRAVIS: Right, sorry, they're all the same to me, okay.

LAURA: No, actually, I think we were bats at one point, too.

TRAVIS: I thought it was outside of the hobgoblin with the sword and then the bat--

LAURA: No, that was a moth.

MICA: Didn't you turn into a bat?

LAURA: No no no.

MICA: My bat friends helped us with the dragons.

MARISHA: We were bats in campaign one.

LAURA: That's what it was.

(laughter)

SAM: We've had good recent experience with bats.

MICA: So what if we turn into bats and we go talk to those bats, those bats can help us, and then collectively we all as a bat family go and look in windows and there's power in numbers.

LAURA: Or, what if-- I also have an idea. What if we just turn into a few bats.

MICA: Okay.

LAURA: Go check out around the house, see if there's any way we can sneak.

MICA: Can do.

LAURA: I can turn out of a bat and paint a doorway.

MICA and SAM: (gasping)

TRAVIS: Also, I do--

SAM: Are we doing this tonight?

TALIESIN: No, tomorrow.

TRAVIS: I do have a very rare item that allows you to stick a dagger in a keyhole, turn it, and it locks the door and nothing else can open the door except for the dagger you all gave to me.

SAM: So the guards couldn't come in.

TRAVIS: Right.

MICA: Unless they set the door on fire.

SAM: Well, they would have to step through then.

LAURA: They'd have to-- in order to set the door on fire, they'd have to set the whole house on fire.

SAM: That seems--

TALIESIN: Counterproductive, really, in the end.

MARISHA: Do we want to do a stakeout and see if we can see the Tumblecarves entering and exiting?

LAURA: We should just do a little stakeout right now. Don't go in and-- we do this all the time. We're not going to go in.

SAM: I'm going to turn invisible.

(laughter)

MATT: This is going to be great.

LAURA: I do think we just turn into bats and just go see what we see.

LIAM: Yeah, step one, we bat around and get the lay of the land here for this building.

LAURA: Do bats have bad vision?

SAM: No, they have no vision. They hear things.

MATT: Echolocation.

LAURA: Oh, well, maybe bats--

MATT: Which is fine, they can see. Echolocation is--

TALIESIN: They can see.

SAM: Don't sight shame bats.

MATT: Yeah, they get around just fine.

TALIESIN: They're good.

LAURA: Okay, okay, let's do it.

LIAM: So that's step one and then step two is we need to watch this place for a considerable amount of time.

MARISHA: Fjord and I and Caduceus will start the watching.

LAURA: We will turn into bats, and then what are you going to do, Nott?

SAM: Whatever you want me to do. Do you want me to be a support? Do you want me to be invisible in case you fall and I can catch you? I don't know, what do you want me to do?

LAURA: No, just stay here with everybody.

SAM: All right, I'll just stay here.

(laughter)

MARISHA: It's fun being a lookout.

SAM: Is it?

MARISHA: No.

(laughter)

SAM: I'll probably say I'll stay here and then I'll just go in anyway.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: Classic.

LIAM: I set Frumpkin on her shoulders.

MARISHA: Classic Nott. Classic Nott.

LIAM: And smile at Nott and then think telepathically to Frumpkin: Keep an eye on her.

SAM: On me?

LIAM: You didn't hear anything.

SAM: Oh.

(laughter)

LIAM: Then I cast Fortune's Favor on the bat squad. One, two, three.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: (whispers) Bat Squad.

MATT: Okay, so you each have one reroll for the next hour.

LAURA: Awesome.

MATT: So, what are you doing?

LAURA: We're going to hide.

MATT: All three of you?

LAURA: No, Caleb--

SAM: All of us are going to hide across the street, right?

LAURA: Well, ish, look chill, but--

MATT: So you guys keep low-key, like a couple of high schoolers hanging outside of a Ross parking lot at like 2AM, totally inconspicuous.

LAURA: Is it around 2AM?

MATT: No no no. You're in the cusp of the evening. You've just now gotten to the night, so it's like the equivalent of 8:30, 9PM.

LAURA: So maybe let's wait until all the bats start to really wake up, and then we'll do it, so it makes it normal.

TALIESIN: Is there anywhere for us to watch the house that is not terribly conspicuous?

MATT: Right. Actually, it'd probably be a little bit earlier because you guys did sleep in the dragon's... in Mythburrow before going into the chaos, so after coming back about midday, drinking, you're still pre-dusk. Still relatively early, actually.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

MATT: Comparatively.

LAURA: So there are no bats flying around now or there are--

MATT: They're starting to. It's getting towards dusk.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: I'm no changing that on you.

LAURA: Okay.

MICA: Question.

MATT: Yes.

MICA: Bat intelligence, are they smart enough if we were to ask them to do a thing, they would remember to do that thing?

MATT: Maybe. It depends how complicated the ask is.

MICA: Okay.

MATT: You know, they're creatures. They aren't extremely stupid.

MICA: Right. It's not a worm.

MATT: But complicated things might--

MICA: A simple request may.

MATT: Possibly, if it wants to.

MICA: Fuck.

TRAVIS: Great odds. Stoked to do it.

MARISHA: Yeah. To Caduceus's question though, is there like a rooftop or shady alleyway, or--

TALIESIN: Park with a bench.

MARISHA: Yeah, some place that looks like we could sit and be inconspicuous and watch?

MATT: There is a subterranean park at one of the road-- the cross-section of one of the nearby neighborhood roads where you can see in the center there, there is a small circle that has two stone benches, two leafless trees that upon approaching, you see are actually carved. They're carved of marble, and it looks like branches, but they're smooth and they bend and wind. It's a really beautiful art piece that sits there in the center. So it's like a little fake garden sitting space. It's nice.

MARISHA: We have a pretty good view of the gate and the Tumblecarves' estate from there?

MATT: It's about 150, 200 feet away from you, so it's a distance. You can see it, but you don't have an amazing view of it to remain inconspicuous.

TALIESIN: If something happens, we'll just get up and walk that direction anyway. Keep going.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: Okay. Cool. So you guys go ahead and situate yourself there?

TALIESIN: Hmm.

MARISHA: Yeah, on the--

TALIESIN: Feed some birds.

MARISHA: On the edge.

SAM: I'm going to practice my ollies, if we're going to be teenagers in the Ralph's.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh my god.

MATT: Perfect. Practice that butterfly knife you bought off Ebay?

TALIESIN: Whoa, bring it back.

MICA: Only if it's a rainbow butterfly knife, like one of those horrible metals.

MATT: Oh yeah.

MATT: What were you saying?

MARISHA: We're watching.

TRAVIS: Ashley'll learn you some butterfly knife.

LIAM: Yeah, that is an insult to Ashley Johnson.

MATT: Ashley Johnson, world's best secret badass, man. She will cut a bitch. All right, so, you guys arrange yourself inconspicuously at the crossroad little courtyard space. The rest of you are becoming bats.

LAURA: Yes.

LIAM: Out of sight.

MATT: All right.

SAM: Caduceus, are you becoming a bat?

TALIESIN: No, I'm just making the bat hands.

MATT: He wants to feel involved.

LAURA: Okay, no, they're real stupid. Okay. I was like, I put it in Wild Shape by mistake, so no.

MATT: Yeah, so (popping). You are three bats.

(squeaking)

Making your way.

(flapping)

All right, what are you doing as bats?

LAURA: As bats, we're going to fly over to the house--

MATT: You maintain your full intellect as well.

LAURA: Yeah, we're real dumb.

MATT: Your mental scores remain the same in animal form because of Wild Shape.

MICA: Can I speak to other bats as a bat?

MATT: Well, you cast Speak With Animals.

MICA: I did cast Speak With Animals.

MATT: So you still have that, yeah.

MICA: So before we go over, I'd like to fly up to the bunch and see if there are any awake.

MATT: There are. They're waking up, and the equivalent of what you hear is like, (as Bat 1) "Oh man, I'm hungry. Breakfast anyone?" (as Bat 2) "Yeah, let's get breakfast." (as Bat 1) "All right, Steve, you okay?" (as Steve Bat) "I'm still groggy." Like they're just, they're getting out of their long night's sleep and they're starting to get that stomach rumble.

TALIESIN: Disney bats.

MATT: Yep.

MICA: I go, hello, friends.

MATT: (as various bats) "Hello," "Hello," "Hello," "Hello."

MICA: I have a quick question for everybody who's awake currently.

MATT: "Slow down, what was that?"

MICA: Oh, sorry, I have a question.

MATT: "Okay."

TRAVIS: Get the fuck outta here.

MICA: Do you know anything about the people who live in the house?

MATT: "No?"

MICA: No?

TRAVIS: Shit.

MICA: Have you seen people leave recently?

MATT: "Uh. I mean, there have been a few days."

MICA: Oh. If I brought you back food later, could you help me with something?

MATT: "Maybe?"

(laughter)

The other guy's like, "What food?"

(laughter)

MICA: Do you like bread?

LAURA: I like bread.

MATT: They both look at each other and hear that and go, "I like bread," "I like bread." They seem to be more interested in chiming in as a group than actually considering how much they like bread.

MICA: I bring you lots of bread for a favor.

MATT: "Okay," "Okay," "Oh-kay."

MICA: My friends and I are going to go into the house. If anything looks bad, like not them come in, squeak loud.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Or forever hold your peace.

MICA: And then you get bread.

LAURA: I like bread.

MATT: "I like bread," "I like bread," "I like bread," "I like bread." Make a persuasion check.

MICA: Fuck! (laughter)

TALIESIN: I feel like advantage with a rube, you have a rube here.

MATT: Sure, I'll give you advantage, why not.

MICA: Oh, thank fuck. Mm, that one's better. Wait, what'd you say, persuasion? 12?

MATT: 12?

LAURA: Oh yeah, you could--

LIAM: You got a third reroll if you really need it.

LAURA: -- third reroll if you wanted to use it.

MATT: It's up to you, or you could save it.

LIAM: Fortune's Favor.

TRAVIS: Save it.

MICA: I'm going to use the pink one.

TRAVIS: It's bats, it's bats!

MATT: All right, she's using it.

MICA: Ooh! 13.

MATT: Okay, all right, hell yeah.

MICA: Oh, he said hell yeah.

MATT: Hell yeah! You just, you concentrate for a second as you stare at them and you watch this small little poof of gray energy (poofs) as the fragment of possibility, time-space bends briefly, magic that shifts the very fabric of the cosmos. (laughter)

TRAVIS: It's expended.

MATT: And you add a wink. (laughter) The bats go, "Sure, right?" "Yeah." "Yeah," "Okay, yeah, yeah."

TRAVIS: Good use.

SAM: I like bread.

MICA: Yeah.

LAURA: I like bread.

MATT: "I like bread," "I like bread."

TALIESIN: Nature is topsy turvy to convince a bunch of bats to eat carbs.

MATT: Yep.

MICA: Thank you.

MATT: Fucking up their paleo diet.

MICA: Damn. Sorry, it's cheat day. You're welcome to the bread. There you go.

MICA: I just say: Thank you, friends. The bread will come later.

MATT: "Okay," "Okay," "Okay," "Bread."

MICA: And then I fly back to Jester.

LAURA: I was hanging out there with you.

MICA: Oh, you were? Okay. I gotcha, I gotcha.

MATT: You go to join them and realize that they're both joining you, and you circle for a minute.

MICA: Oh my god, oh, right, bats.

LAURA: Hi.

LIAM: Do you think that the three of us could have some of the bread now?

MICA: I don't have any bread on me.

LAURA: Oh, but you promised bread.

MICA: Bread after.

(laughter)

LIAM: Where are you keeping the bread?

MICA: Oh god, are they just as dumb as bats?

MATT: Well, you still have your personalities, you still-- it's not quite a moth scenario here. You have enough intellect to like, to know how to recall basic elements of your goals.

LIAM: Yeah, I'm smart enough to ask where the bread is.

MICA: That's valid.

MATT: Valid point.

LAURA: Should we go do something?

MICA: We look in the windows.

LIAM: We're looking at the building.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: And looking for bread, let's go.

SAM: [inaudible]

MATT: You all make your way down to the house. There are the three stories, there's a balcony each story, there's the top story is the larger balconies. Where are you going?

MICA: I'm going to go on the topmost floor.

LAURA: I'm going to fly around the back of the house and see what's going on back there.

LIAM: I'm going to go to the roof and look for bread.

MATT: Okay.

MICA: Oh no.

MATT: Perception check, perception check, Investigation check, using the bat's--

LIAM: I'm not Caleb.

MICA: Oh yeah, the bat's-- fuck.

MATT: Well, you use your perception. Well no, use your wisdom plus the bat's.

MICA: It says perception, plus eight.

MATT: Sure, we'll go with that.

LAURA: We use wisdom?

MATT: Use the bat's wisdom, yeah.

MICA: 13.

MATT: 13, okay.

SAM: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

LAURA: 13.

LIAM: Do we have a bonus?

LAURA: Plus one.

LIAM: Plus one? 12.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Pretty good.

MATT: You, Jester, look around the top area around the back of it, and the building is built up against the interior of the alcove. So there is no back end. It's merged with the wall. You also see no other entrance on the side, and you go over the other side. No other doorway, there are the windows on the balconies, and there's the front door, and it appears that those are the only ways in. You glance within the top balcony, and you can see there is-- that window, what you thought was a window up close you can see is a window that splits into a door. So it's like three panes of glass. Two that are, you know, about that big and about dwarven height or so, and then the center pane is an actual glass doorway with a handle on it.

MICA: Can I see through the glass?

MATT: Unfortunately, no. With no interior light, and the way that the panes are refracting, you can't make out any details with a perception roll of 13.

LAURA: On the roof, since it's in an alcove, can the elven houses see down to the roof, or is it protected, is it like inside--

MATT: You can see there's maybe one with a view of here, but that's further out, because it's mostly protected, it cuts off the perspective of any of the higher houses, other than the ones that are more affixed to the far pillars.

LAURA: Okay, and then how much of a distance is it from the ceiling to the roof?

MATT: It's maybe 15, 10 feet.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Not a wide gap, but a little bit of space.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: You find no bread.

LIAM: Also, you described this place like the Flatiron Building, right? Just like a cake wedge?

MATT: Similar, yeah. It's rounded--

LIAM: So the wide part on the front?

MATT: There's like a big cavern alcove, and it's built into the back of it, and it rounds out and then comes like a wedge like the front of a boat.

LIAM: Oh, so the front of the house is--

MATT: The front of the house points out towards you, yeah. So if I'm the alcove backing, and this is the cavern entrance, and the rest of this is the city, it builds out and comes to a pointed wedge, and there are balconies at the three floors.

LIAM: While looking for bread, can I see from the top if the back of the building is connected to the back of the cavern wall?

MATT: It is.

LIAM: It is, okay. No bread, though.

MATT: No bread, I'm sorry.

MICA: With my keen hearing, can I try and hear anything on the first floor, like hear into the-- press bat ear to door to see if I hear footsteps?

MATT: Sure. Make a perception check.

MICA: Ah ha, with advantage. 19 plus eight.

MATT: 19 plus eight. Listening in, you do not hear any nearby footsteps, no.

LIAM: As there is no bread up here, I'm going to start to look and see if there is some sort of door or entrance on the roof as well.

MATT: Okay, make an investigation check.

(laughter)

LIAM: That's a one.

MATT: That's a one, no door.

LIAM: But I'm going to use Fortune's Favor.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: That is a 20.

MATT: A 20, okay. You do see the outline of some sort of a hatch. You're not sure if it opens up or opens in. But you do see the outline of a hatch.

LIAM: That's probably where they're keeping the bread.

LAURA: Is it on the roof? Are we on the roof?

LIAM: I am on the roof. Are you on the roof?

LAURA: I'm right next to you, so I think so.

LIAM: I'm very stupid as a bat. Hello.

LAURA: Hi.

LIAM: They're keeping the bread in there.

MICA: I see them just flapping and not doing anything, so I go up and join them, like: Have you found anything?

LAURA: We found the bread.

MICA: There is no bread.

LIAM: No, but there is underneath this trap door, is bread.

MICA: Oh, there's a trap door, that's good to know. Okay.

TRAVIS: [inaudible]

(laughter)

MICA: We should go back to the others and tell them that we found a door.

LAURA: If we turn into ourselves right now, we could open up the thing and get the bread out now.

MICA: But we have to take a nap first.

LIAM: Think about it for a moment. We are very tired, but the bread is right there, so what is--

MICA: No, no, no, no, the bread's at my house. The bread's at my house.

LIAM: That changes everything, let's go back to the others.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay.

MICA: That's what I thought. Okay, come with me.

TRAVIS: Your [inaudible] slightly.

(laughter)

LIAM: What do you mean?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: It's [inaudible].

TRAVIS: (high-pitched yelling)

MARISHA: Eh, eh.

SAM: So Beau, you're saying that if I slide my front foot forward while I'm kicking up the back, it will make the board just flip up a little bit?

MARISHA: Yeah, you have to shift your weight backwards and have to really go for it.

MATT: (flapping) Three bats arrive.

TALIESIN: What board?

LIAM: Hold on, I've been waiting for this.

MARISHA: (pained) Ah!

(laughter)

SAM: Why are you hitting us?

MARISHA: Why?! That's way more than I've ever hit you.

SAM: This purple bat is hitting me.

TRAVIS: For the rest of the campaign.

LAURA: I'm blue.

SAM: Blue, blue. Blue.

MICA: I'm going to un-Wild Shape.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Nope.

TRAVIS: Oh, there's still one more! (slapping)

MATT: You do one point of damage. How many hit points does a bat have?

LAURA: One point.

MATT: Jester emerges from bat form.

MICA: You bitch-slapped Jester back into existence.

LAURA: You slapped the blue out of her hair!

TRAVIS: You slapped the highlights out of her hair!

(laughter)

Welcome back, what'd you see?

LAURA: We found a latch on the roof, it was a latch.

MICA: It was like a door.

LIAM: Some sort of a hatch.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: A latch-hatch door?

LAURA: A latch-hatch door on the roof. There's no back to the house, because it backs up to the rock, but if we could get up onto the roof, it blocks the view.

SAM: Guards up there?

MICA: No, and I didn't hear or see anybody on the first floor and it's dark, so.

TRAVIS: The house backs into the cavern, into the rock.

MICA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh, they've definitely got a vault.

MICA: I also made a tentative plan deal with bats. They said that if anybody comes in and looks suspicious, they're going to start squeaking. So if we hear squeaking, we're in trouble.

MARISHA: Is it a different kind of squeak than their normal squeak? How will we differentiate?

TALIESIN: They have a plethora of squeaks, I would imagine.

MICA: We didn't get that far in the conversation. I had to promise them bread; it was very complicated.

LAURA: Oh, bread.

TALIESIN: Do a lot of things for bread.

MICA: Yeah, everybody would do a lot of things for bread, apparently.

LIAM: I'm so hungry right now--

SAM: Well, we have a tentative plan. We'll walk back to the tavern tonight, I mean, wherever we're staying, no, your house tonight.

TALIESIN: Hot cocoa.

SAM: Stop at the bakery. Are you looking at my bare midriff right now?

(laughter)

And how it's sort of hanging over my skirt that I decided to wear, even though you can't see below my waist?

MATT: Hey man.

MARISHA: Commitment.

MATT: Yeah, if you're going to go, go all the way.

MICA: Oh.

MATT: No, Sam.

MICA: Oh, oh.

(laughter)

LIAM: Was it Olivier who said he didn't feel like he was the character until he put on the shoes?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: It's like that, Sam.

TRAVIS: Olivier rolls in his grave.

MATT: Is it safe? No.

SAM: So we'll go stop at the bakery, go to Reani's, have a slumber party, and then go in through the roof.

MICA: Eat some bread, then in go through the roof.

LAURA: Yeah, because it's still pretty early, we can get up in the middle of the night and do this.

MARISHA: Yeah. Hey, do you want to go talk with that other Cobalt Soul guy about the moon?

LIAM: The moony?

MARISHA: The moony guy?

LIAM: What are we hoping to accomplish with this gentleman?

MARISHA: I don't know.

LIAM: Well, you're really selling me on it.

SAM: He didn't seem like he knew anything.

MARISHA: He didn't know shit. It would just be for formality's sake, I think. Or we could just blow him off.

SAM: Seems fine.

LIAM: It doesn't seem pressing.

MARISHA: Mm-mm.

LIAM: But perhaps it would ingratiate us back into the good graces of the library here.

MARISHA: I don't know. We could just leave a note. Okay, you want to stop by and be like: Oh, man, we're so busy. Let's, you know.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: Yeah, I think we could earn a little more capital at the library.

MARISHA: All right.

LIAM: Get into their better graces. Why don't you guys go ahead for your cocoa and we'll be right behind you?

TALIESIN: All right.

LAURA: Okay.

MICA: Should we save you a cup?

LIAM: Yes, please.

MATT: All right, so you guys head back to Reani's house.

LAURA: Stopping by the cupcakes.

MATT: Okay, you pick up some cupcakes without issue. Another dozen or so, a variety pack?

LAURA: Let's get two dozen just to be safe this time.

MATT: All righty, two dozen cupcakes. We'll say that'll put you at 12 silver.

LAURA: You got it.

MICA and LAURA: Worth it.

(snickers)

TRAVIS: (gravelly) Cupcakes.

MATT: Now you guys are going to meet up with Demid, or cancel, or what's the scenario?

LIAM: Just go to the place where--

MARISHA: We're going to go meet up with him.

LIAM: That he would be.

MARISHA: Yeah, at the tavern.

MATT: Okay. Okay, which tavern are you heading towards?

MARISHA: It was the one that we were at earlier, right?

MATT: The Broken Stool.

MARISHA: The Broken Stool, isn't that what he said?

MATT: Maybe.

LIAM: Caleb would know. I don't, but Caleb knows.

MARISHA: No, Tumbled Tankards.

LIAM: Because Caleb remembers everything.

MATT: So Tumbled Tankards would be the bar that you guys went to previously today.

TRAVIS: Where we just went.

MATT: Right.

MARISHA: That's what I thought.

TRAVIS: It is the--

MARISHA: The cop bar.

MATT: Okay, all right. You go ahead and you wait a good, like, hour or so. And he doesn't show up.

MARISHA: Well, I hate fucking waiting on people.

LIAM: Let's give it 30 more minutes.

MARISHA: I'm going to get more booze, then.

LIAM: I slap down a gold. It's on me. Go get us another round.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: Can always just leave a note. Let him know we were here so we don't seem--

LIAM: You know, in the meantime, the last 24 hours went a lot better than some would expect or anticipate. You know, just when I think we are a group of irredeemable fuck-ups, we manage to pull one out of the fire. We certainly did. I don't know, I'm up and I'm down, you know. Sometimes I think we can take over the world. I don't want to take over the world, you know what I mean, but then I swing back and think that what we're doing is stupid. But after a day like yesterday, I feel good.

MARISHA: It's pretty awesome. We duped a white dragon.

(chuckles)

MATT: "Oh, you did show up! Well, ha."

MARISHA: Fuck.

MATT: And the gnome comes in. He has his coat on, and he says, "Oh, so you have come as well, friend."

LIAM: I am her assistant, her moon assistant.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

LIAM: She's like the big moon and I am the small moon behind the the big moon.

MARISHA: Just a little moon.

MATT: "Are you a studier of Ruidus as well?"

LIAM: I'm an amateur, but I try.

MATT: "Ah, this is fortuitous, definitely. Ha! Mm! (sniffs) I'll go get some milk," and he gets up and leaves to the bar.

LIAM: Caleb downs his drink.

MARISHA: I do the same.

TRAVIS: Get that fucking guy drunk.

MATT: So you spend the better part of the next 30 or so minutes conversing about what? What do you want to-- as opposed to role playing an extensive conversation of awkwardness, are you looking for any information?

LIAM: I want to-- No, I want to ingratiate ourselves to him and make him like us.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Can I compare any type of the moon cycles based on any of the demon activity that we've encountered?

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: Looking at his extensive notes and mine, is there any type of like cycle that it seems to sync up on?

MATT: "Interesting, interesting, indeed."

MARISHA: I need to know when my moon is coming!

MATT: Best you can tell--

LAURA: Demons are all [inaudible] period.

MARISHA: It's true!

MATT: There's two cycles. We have, I mean, Catha is the common moon cycle, that's the great, you know, white moon in the moon-lit sky.

MARISHA: Uh-huh.

MATT: That cycle is, you know, anywhere between 30- to 40-day cycle, waxes and wanes per normal. Ruidus is a very slow orbit. It's visible for about half the year. It takes a full year essentially for a revolution. It's far more distant, and Ruidus is very prominent in the sky at the moment. Very prominent meaning you can see it, you know, this faint little brown-maroon type dot in the sky during the evening, it's barely noticeable. The day it's even fainter. But it's there. So other than that, there's no real correlation.

MARISHA: Okay.

LIAM: I agree, I just want to fast track it back to our friends. But using this 30 minutes, Caleb would just try to chat him up in a very intellectual way and jovial way so that he likes us a lot and continues to put a good word in for us at the Vellum Steeple, is my hope.

MATT: Make a standard charisma check for me, please.

MARISHA: Just him?

MATT: Hmm?

MARISHA: Does he get advantage because I--

MATT: You're helping? Sure, okay.

MARISHA: I'm helping!

MATT: All right, so that's part of--

LIAM: At advantage?

MATT: Yeah, because she's helping you with the check.

MARISHA: My charisma sucks.

LIAM: The second one was a one, so I'll take the original 18.

MATT: All right, all right. He gets pretty deep in his milk cups, and seems to be enjoying your presence, and when you find the right moment in the conversation where it begins to lull that you both abruptly oh, I'm so sorry, we have to go.

MARISHA: So busy.

MATT: Yeah. "Oh, that's all right, no worries. Thank you so much for taking the time. You know where to find me."

LIAM: We will see you at the Steeple.

MATT: "Of course, please, until tomorrow?"

MARISHA: We'll see you.

MATT: "All right, all right."

MARISHA: Yes. Be careful now, yeah.

MATT: "Intolerant," and he leaves.

LIAM: I know more than I ever wanted to about the cycles of the moon.

MARISHA: Let's go.

LIAM: Return to the others.

MATT: (chuckles) All right. You all regather, you find the rest of your party nearly sick on cupcakes. (laughs) Pillow forts partially constructed in the middle of the comfortable, if now not as spacious interior of Reani's home, but a sleepover it is as you all find your respective corners of the floor, makeshift bedding assembled, you all eventually find yourselves comfortably falling into a night's sleep. And that's where we'll take a break. Be back here in a few minutes. Check out what happens the next morning. We do have our giveaway.

SAM: Yeah, yeah!

MATT: We have, as tonight's prize, a Bolivian rosewood dice vault from our friends at Wyrmwood.

TRAVIS: Oh!

MATT: Available to one lucky winner. Smells like niceness. Tonight's keyword is owl, O-W-L, owl. Enter it once and once only, more than that and you'll be disqualified, and once again, only for folks in the US and Canada, excluding Quebec, because stupid laws. Anyway, we'll be back here shortly with a winner. See you in a minute.

Break
(upbeat music) ♪ You got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click open the web page ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you're ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In a mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It's D&D;, D&D; ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D; Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah D&D;, D&D; ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D; Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you've got your swords ♪ ♪ And you got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It's D&D;, D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; ♪ ♪ D&D; Beyond ♪ (whooshing) (eerie music) (pounding sounds) BINWIN: Hi, I'm Binwin Bronzebottom, celebrity dwarf and video game enthusiast, and this is my sidekick, Crowy. CROWY: Hello. BINWIN: We're here to tell you about Idle Champions of the Forgotten Realms, a Dungeons & Dragons-based strategy management game from Code Name Entertainment. They're Canadian, so you know it's good. CROWY: Let's talk about the game. Did you ever play Cookie Clicker? BINWIN: Of course not. CROWY: This game is a management game like that, but with far more emphasis on strategy, and with a flavory of D&D;'s lore and legendary heroes, you can unlock your favorite champions, like Farideh from Erin M. Evans' Brimstone Angels saga, Minsc and Boo from Baldur's Gate, and the fourth and final member of Acquisitions Incorporated The C Team, Amy Falcone's Walnut Dankgrass. BINWIN: The K is silent. CROWY: Create the best adventuring party possible based on formation options, your character's ability, and the obstacles and enemies you face. BINWIN: you just randomly click on things like I do and hope for the best. CROWY: You can click on enemies to assist your champions, or you can set 'em up and walk away and let them do their thing. It's entirely up to you. BINWIN: I'm playing on the toilet right now. CROWY: Why wouldn't you be? Idle Champions is available on all your favorite gaming platforms, including tablets, for the low, low price of free. So download it now. BINWIN: End it with joke. CROWY: You're not supposed to read-- BINWIN: It says end with joke. CROWY: No, we're supposed to come up with a joke to go with where it says "end with joke." BINWIN: Oh, I don't know, "end with joke" is pretty funny. CROWY: Wait, on three, ready? BINWIN: Yeah. CROWY: One, two, three. BINWIN and CROWY: End with joke. (laughter) BINWIN: I think it's funny. It's very funny. (Strings playing "Wedding March") (Strings playing "Wedding March") (Steel drum playing "Wedding March") (Steel drum playing "Wedding March") (Steel drum playing "Wedding March") (Steel drum playing "Wedding March") (Calypso-style music) BRIAN (V.O): Last time, on Talks Machina. MICA: Hey, are we on the internet? DANI: Why Mica, yes we are. MICA: Oh, well, guess what, everybody? Tonight it's Talks Micina. MATT: You know, the beard was nice and fun for a while, and it may come back, but I just needed some change. BRIAN: I understand. MICA: Is it breezy? MATT: And, hmm? MICA: Is it breezier? MATT: It's breezier, it's more aerodynamic, I can move quicker, which is nice. I also enjoy having my wife not flinch when I kiss her. That's also great. BRIAN: Yeah. MATT: So yeah, it has its positives. But I do miss the sculpting of it and the caretaking of it, but... BRIAN: It's like having another friend. MATT: Kind of, and I need those these days, so. MICA: Did you name it? MATT: It was named The Mercer Beard before I had an opportunity to, so the internet, thank you for that. And I killed it. (laughter) MATT: It's now at the bottom of the ocean. BRIAN: Well, maybe you should've named it Molly MICA: Wow. BRIAN: Wow? MATT: Don't listen to him. MICA: Even I know that's out of character-- that's just off-color. For shame, good sir. MICA: It was just, if you lay out that plan that we had, if you speak it out loud, it's dumb. It's so dumb. MATT: So's every D&D; party's plans ever! MICA: It's so true. MATT: The game is about making stupid plans, fucking it up, and hopefully, if the dice work with you, somehow making it out alive and going, wow! MICA: Wow, we lived! MATT: How did we survive! BRIAN: I want you to look at that camera and I want you to say, "It's time for Cosplay of the Week." MICA: All right, ready? BRIAN: Wait, wait, yeah, okay go. MICA: It's time for Cosplay of the Week. BRIAN: Fuck. (laughter) DANI: Nice. Cosplay of the Week! Hell yeah. MICA: Your job's in danger! BRIAN: Hang on, I'm texting my old contacts at Two Broke Girls. (laughter) BRIAN: See if they're-- DANI: God, it's been a minute since a Two Broke Girls joke. BRIAN: CritRoleStats'll let us know how long. No, don't, guys, don't go back and try to watch all the episodes to find out. Our winner for Cosplay of the Week was sent in by Jesse of JessoLaurus Rex. Photo by Anne Barhyte. Let's take a look. MICA and MATT: Whoa! BRIAN: That's insane. DANI: So good. MICA: That's so good! MATT: That Grog is so intense. MICA: Oh, that leather work though! BRIAN: Help me out a little bit here with this one, because I know ArseQueef's going to gif hers and then mine, so I've got to really, (coughs). Go in a little tighter, Steve, if you can. STEVE: Can't. BRIAN: Okay. (laughter) STEVE: Action. BRIAN: Ah, fuck. I already started. All right, hold on. STEVE: Take it again, Brian. BRIAN: Okay, okay. STEVE: All right. BRIAN: (clears throat) STEVE: Ready? BRIAN: Fuck. STEVE: Ready? All right. Take it away. BRIAN: It's Fan Art of the Week. DANI: Actually, Mica, I have something for you real fast. MICA: Oh shit. DANI: If you could just sign this. BRIAN: Oh Jesus Christ. MICA: Oh wow, does this say "Talks Machina Contract" on it? DANI: Yeah. MICA: Oh, that's crazy, it absolutely does. I'm just going to-- live, right? MATT: It's happening! BRIAN: I would like to thank Matt and Mica for joining us. MICA: Dani, here you go. DANI: This is legally binding. MICA: Yeah. BRIAN: 76 is this Thursday. MICA: Thank you, thank you so much. Actually, I think this is my job, yeah. So we're going to, yeah. BRIAN: All right. MICA: Thank you. BRIAN: Yeah, no, that's perfectly all right. I'll just-- MAN OFF CAMERA: Pretty good graphic department. MICA: Episode 76 is this Thursday at 7PM PST. As always, don't forget to love each other, and don't worry, it's almost Thursday. Stay turnt, my friends, and remember, creepy ain't a crime and neither is D&D;. (laughter) TRAVIS (V.O.): Last time on Yee-haw Game Ranch. BRIAN: I guess now we're just going to be here in a fucking jungle ranch for the foreseeable future. I just wish we knew a little bit more about this place or what it's about. TRAVIS: Yeah. DANI: (gasps) Oh my god, lads! It's him! We found him! TRAVIS: A fucking boat? DANI: Chosen one, we've found you! I can't believe it's you. God damn, Ruby was right, you're a little fucking snack pack, aren't ya? BRIAN: Howdy, new critter, who might you be? DANI: My name's Kermlin the Frog, and I'm the lead explorer here on the jungle ranch. TRAVIS: It's nice to meet you, Kermlin the Frog. DANI: I was just doing my infamous jungle ranch cruise while searching for ya. If you got the time, I got the best tour. TRAVIS: (laughs) BRIAN: I don't know, Travis. We're supposed to be playing games and charging up the Game Soul here. TRAVIS: Who's actually driving the boat? BRIAN: I don't know who's driving the boat, man. I don't know if we have time to go-- DANI: I could give a monkey's ass if you wanted to go or not, you cheeseless quesadilla-looking orphan. TRAVIS: (laughs) DANI: On your left, you can see the robust, green foliage of the vast jungle ranch. Isn't it ribbeting? (giggling) TRAVIS: Did she say "ribbeting?" BRIAN: Yes. DANI: And now, on your right, you can see the beautiful flowers that blossom here. Isn't the frogrance just delightful? TRAVIS: Frogrance? BRIAN: Fuck, man, god dammit. DANI: Oh, and I almost frogot. TRAVIS: (groans) DANI: Off in the distance over there, you can see the shattered temple of Zolgrux the Mad! BRIAN: Wait, what the fuck, Zolgrux the Mad? TRAVIS: (shouts) Go get me! Go get my body! BRIAN: I tried to double peddle, I double jumped. Nope, nope. TRAVIS: Oh, I fucking' missed him. (shouts) BRIAN: Oh. TRAVIS: What?! It's supposed to have missed that! Game full of multiple levels when all you need is one. Want to murder your entire neighborhood. BRIAN: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's kind of like-- TRAVIS: One and done. BRIAN: Oh shit, oh god. TRAVIS: I bet if we research it, no one's ever beat a single level of this game, I'm pretty sure. BRIAN: I'm pretty sure. Max, can you look into that? How do I double jump, oh! I got a pinky. TRAVIS: They made the first level passable. BRIAN: I got a pinky. TRAVIS: If we just stay here, we'll be alive. BRIAN: I don't think we're going to kill him, man. No, fuck, gimme, oh fuck, oh! (screaming) (groaning) BRIAN: Got this. TRAVIS: You'll take over the title if you can get it. BRIAN: I got this, man. TRAVIS: Yeah, you're there, you're-- BRIAN: What is that?! What is that thing shooting at me? Fuck you, dude. Oh god. TRAVIS: I think you're the new chosen one. BRIAN: That is all the time we have for... I mean, I got a C-minus, but-- TRAVIS: Brand new record. BRIAN: Brand new... (dramatic music) (sighs) DANI: I just want to watch my Critical Role. TALIESIN: For your consideration, this is the face of a Critter who's craving their Critical Role content. But for this sanctimonious shipper, time misled them like a trip to the Feywild. They now have come face to face with existential dread, a fear of sardonic spoilers. Let us lead them across the bridge into a realm of bright shadows where, even if one misses the live viewing of their favorite program, they can still watch it on demand if they bear the mark of a Twitch subscription to the channel. That mark, a mysterious sigil of emoticons made by the sage, ArseQueef. In this land of shadow known as the Twitch Subscription Zone, no shipper, fan ficcer, or please name my kitten litter Critter has to feel like a bitter fritter. And so ends another meandering digression, a complicated parody promo down an indistinct highway to the region we call the Twitch Subscription Zone. Subscribe. Twitch Prime subscribe. Gift subscribe. Subscribe. (mysterious music) You should check to see if you've left the oven on. (dramatic music)

Part II
MATT: And welcome back. So, before we jump back in, we have our winner of our awesome Wyrmwood giveaway is-- I'm excited. Congratulations to Poop_d_pants.

(laughter and cheering)

TALIESIN: I've been waiting for this!

MATT: That's poop, underscore, D, underscore, pants.

TALIESIN: Who may have just--

ALL: Poop de pants.

MATT: So congratulations, Poop_d_pants.

TALIESIN: Well done.

LIAM: Of the royal DePants family?

MATT: Yes, yes!

TALIESIN: Of the new England DePants.

TRAVIS: New England.

MATT: A familiar color scheme for your Bolivian rosewood dice tower. Congratulations. All righty. So. Also, to clarify, it's elven chain, not elven chain mail. That was a vestige of me growing up with older editions in which it was called elven chain mail. But elven chain was the armor we were talking about. So, you all gathered at Reani's home, laid down for the evening for a night's rest, and the night comes to you. Reani.

ALL: (gasping)

MARISHA: Oh shit.

MATT: Through a cupcake-induced temporary sugar coma.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: The comfortable night darkness restful sleep is breached by a speck of light that grows and grows until the translucent, crystal and ethereal form of Samliel apparates before you in your dream. A vision that hasn't come to you in some time. The wings unfurled, the calm smile of the angelic entity before you. He rests and sits beside you in this dark expanse. "Reani."

MICA: Hi, Sam.

MATT: "Hello. So, what have you learned with the dragon?"

MICA: That sometimes you should run away from things and not fight it?

MATT: "That is a very important lesson."

MICA: Did you see, I lived.

MATT: "I see that now, and I saw it then, and I'm proud of you."

MICA: Thanks. Is that what I was supposed to learn? Did I mess up, am I wrong?

MATT: "No. You did very well. There isn't so much a right way to do things, more than avoid the wrong way to do things, and take these lessons to heart as you learn them. And you've made companions, you've faced serious threat, and you've helped an old friend. Are you proud of yourself?"

MICA: I think I am. I'm doing you proud, so I'm proud of myself, right?

MATT: "Good. You should be, but you should also be proud for yourself, regardless of what I think."

MICA: I don't get it.

MATT: "I've guided you for some time, and I just would hate to think that so much of your life is tethered to what my opinion or my interest may be."

MICA: But you're my angel, what do you mean?

MATT: "I am, and I'm not going anywhere."

MICA: Oh, okay.

MATT: "But don't wait for me, either. You're your own woman."

MICA: So what do I do, where do I go?

MATT: "That's your decision to make. I showed you a dragon, but you made the path yourself, yeah?"

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: "You can do that with other things in life."

MICA: Did I do something wrong?

MATT: "No."

MICA: Is that why you're going away?

MATT: "I'm not going away."

MICA: But... I guess I'm scared.

MATT: "And that's okay. Scared is all right. Scared keeps us strong. Scared helps us know who the enemy is."

MICA: And I'm still defeating the enemy, right?

MATT: "You have been. And there's more enemy out there to destroy."

MICA: Okay.

MATT: "And I'll guide you towards the things that must be brought to ash."

MICA: Promise?

MATT: "I promise."

MICA: Okay. Thank you.

MATT: "Of course. I just want you to know that I trust that the guidance I've given you to this point is strong enough to lead you whether or not I'm around. If you see injustice, if you see evil, if you see the darkness that creeps into the light, and I'm not there, do not hesitate."

MICA: I promise.

MATT: "You're an extension of my weapon, and you've been sharpened further and further with each year."

MICA: I'll miss you if I don't get to see you a lot. But I'll remember what you told me, and I promise that evil will never win.

MATT: "I'm always watching."

MICA: I promise that I won't let you down, and every time you look down at me, everything I do will be for you, but also for me, right?

MATT: "For you are an extension of me."

MICA: Exactly. I think I get it.

MATT: "Your opinion is my own, if you learn this path as well as I believe you have. So know these choices you make, they're mine, as my own. Should it stray, I'll let you know."

MICA: Okay.

MATT: "But until then, take solace in that knowledge."

MICA: I will.

MATT: "And child, do not cry. Now, smite the shadows for me."

(wings flapping)

The feather trail cascades around you as the warmth of your night's rest carries you once more into darkness. The morning comes to you all, you awaken with cricks in your neck and your back from the not well-supported floor of the interior of the home.

MICA: Excuse me, I provided pillows.

MATT: You did, you did. But nevertheless, the day is yours.

TRAVIS: That was not the best... That was the best night's rest I've ever had. Thank you, Reani.

MICA: Does anybody want breakfast?

TALIESIN: Oh, god, breakfast sounds great, let's do that.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: Cupcakes?

LAURA: Mm, cupcakes. I actually think I may have had a little too many last night and I feel that maybe not cupcakes is maybe the best idea right now.

SAM: All right. Can you make us something healthy, full of protein?

MICA: Do I have things in my fridge? Do I have a fridge?

MATT: There isn't so much a fridge.

(laughter)

MICA: Does this world have fridges?

MATT: I mean, there are enchanted cold storage cases, but you do not have one in your possession. So the things that you would have would be relatively fresh vegetables, if that would be something you would acquire from the market, you would have dried salted meats, things that are cured and meant to, you know, have a prolonged long life before consumption.

TALIESIN: Lentils.

MATT: Yeah. Beans, a lot of root-based and tuber-like vegetation, a lot of the Uthodurnian food is based in tubers, so.

MICA: So I guess with what I have stored in the house that's still good, I'll try and whip together as much as I can.

MATT: Very much a classic southern throw-it-all-in breakfast.

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: So the breakfast mash is completed, cooked, it's not pretty, but it's pretty tasty.

LAURA: Mm.

MATT: Some familiar Caduceus spices thrown in. A little bit of flavor on top of the Reani special.

TALIESIN: You can do a lot with broccoli.

LAURA: (laughs) No.

MATT: Hey.

TALIESIN and MATT: Don't knock broccoli.

MICA: Broccoli's the boss.

LIAM: So today we are going to break into a home, is the idea, to liberate?

SAM: The ring, so we can get the thing that we need to go to the forge and make the sword, and do any other business.

LAURA: Let's do it!

SAM: All right.

TRAVIS: Well, all of us or just a small, covert fashion?

SAM: Are you scared?

TRAVIS: No, I just don't know.

TALIESIN: I think it's good to have a few people on stand by, maybe, if we do something like this.

LAURA: We should definitely have at least, I would say one of the two of you go in.

SAM: For the message?

LAURA: So you guys can send messages back and forth.

SAM: What's this?

LAURA: I don't know.

SAM: Because we can hear each other.

LAURA: Because you can hear each other really well with your messages that you send to each other.

TRAVIS: I stay outside, obviously, because I am not very sneaky.

MARISHA: Perhaps you could be a good excuse to distract the guards, get their attention, talk to them at the gates?

TRAVIS: Love to do that, back to my old tricks.

MICA: Is he going to flirt with them?

LAURA: He's got a really, we call it a silver tongue.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MICA: Are you going to marry the guards?

TRAVIS: Don't count it out just yet, yeah.

LAURA: He could talk them into marrying him, if he wanted to.

MICA: Well then, we could walk right in the front door, why wasn't that our first plan?

SAM: That only works for one guard, though.

MICA: It could work with two.

MATT: Polyamory is not something uncommon in some places in Exandria.

MICA: So is this our first plan or are we going back to the whole like--

SAM: He's going to distract the front guard.

TALIESIN: I like the sneaky going up through the roof.

SAM: We're going in through the roof, maybe you could fly us up there, or maybe you could bamf us up there, or maybe a little--

LAURA: Oh it might be good for-- oh, I do. I have-- hold on, let me look. How many times can I bamf us, man?

SAM: Dimension Door?

LAURA: Yeah, I could bamf us a couple times. I can bamf me and one other person a couple times.

MICA: Whoever is not being bamfed, I can fly.

SAM: Yeah, that's true. We can climb, I can be invisible and climb, a few of us can get up on the roof.

MARISHA: Yeah. Maybe I can stay on the roof and just stand guard up there?

LAURA: How are we going to get up on the roof?

LIAM: Well, I can bat myself up there.

LAURA: I can bat myself up there.

MARISHA: I can fly on Reani's owl form again.

MICA: I can carry Beau.

LIAM: A giant owl is very noticeable, though.

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: Just so you're aware, it is roughly like five in the morning. You guys went to bed relatively early, so you can get up early. So just letting you know, it's still the crack of dawn.

LAURA: Yeah, I was thinking we would be waking up at like two, I didn't realize it would be like--

MARISHA: We overslept?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: That's still good, though.

MATT: To get an eight-hour full rest.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SAM: We can maybe strike before lots of people are out on the streets and stuff.

TALIESIN: We could go and do this right now.

SAM: Yeah, be done by 10:00am and still have a full day ahead of us.

TRAVIS: Do you want the dagger? To, you know, lock any doors behind you. It requires attunement.

SAM: You need it.

TRAVIS: I have a sword, it's fine.

SAM: Yeah?

TRAVIS: Yes.

SAM: What if you need to come in?

TRAVIS: It doesn't unlock, it just locks behind you.

SAM: I understand, but what if you need to come in the front door, because we need you? You could come in the front door and make sure nobody else does.

LAURA: But the guards.

MARISHA: He's going to be distracting the guards, hopefully.

SAM: If everything turns to shit, as many of our plans do, he might need to run in the door.

MARISHA: I'll be there to run in the door.

SAM: Hmm?

MARISHA: I'll be there to run in the door.

TRAVIS: ♪ I'll be there to comfort you ♪

LAURA: Oh god. Oh god. Okay, let's just walk over there, okay, guys?

TRAVIS: Yeah, let's go.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: All right, so.

SAM: We have a plan.

MICA: Do we?

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: This is as good as it gets.

LAURA: I think we should have four people in there. No more than that. Any more than that, it feels like it's getting too many people in this house.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: We can do two people as bats.

TRAVIS: Raise your hand if you're bats.

LAURA: You can be a bat, you can be a bat. I can Dimension Door one other person up to the roof.

TRAVIS: Nott and Jester.

LAURA: All right.

SAM: All right. Wait, what about Beauregard? Oh, you're staying with Fjord or you're staying on the roof.

LIAM: She's got to get to the roof.

MARISHA: I'll climb, is climbing a good idea?

LIAM: I don't think so, I think you--

SAM: I can make you invisible.

LIAM: Take two trips?

MARISHA: (gasping) I've always wanted this.

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: I've just been waiting for you to offer.

SAM: I can make you invisible.

MARISHA: I've just been waiting.

SAM: Well, today's your lucky day, Beauregard Lafayette. What's your last name?

MATT: I think you were temporarily invisible last session, and you broke it when you attacked the rope.

MARISHA: Oh yeah, that only lasted for like a second. I won't squander it this time.

SAM: She's been waiting for it again.

MARISHA: I got the taste.

TRAVIS: She'll squander it super quick. Super quick.

TALIESIN: Broken before it's cast.

MATT: So who is staying behind?

TALIESIN: Kind of wish I wasn't, but.

MATT: Fjord, Caduceus.

SAM: You want to go in? You can go in.

TALIESIN: I mean, I trust everybody's plan, I'm going to trust what the plan is.

SAM: There is no plan, we would like to have you inside. LAURA: We could all go in. You want to go in?

TALIESIN: I'll go in.

LAURA: How are you going to get in?

TALIESIN: I don't know.

LAURA: Okay, we've got to figure that out, then.

MICA: Wait, Nott, how many people can you make invisible?

SAM: One.

MICA: Shit.

LIAM: But Caleb can make more than one person invisible.

MICA: (gasps) Okay, make me invisible, and make a person I carry, you can make Pinky invisible so I can carry Pinky up onto the roof with me.

SAM: You can just sneak up there, you good.

MICA: And Beau is really good at what Beau does, so Beau can sneak up there on Beau's own. And then you can turn into a bat.

(laughter)

LIAM: I cannot turn into a bat if I am keeping people invisible.

SAM: Is that true?

LIAM: Yes.

LAURA: I think we can only bring four people to the roof.

MICA: I just don't want to leave anybody out.

TALIESIN: I'll stay on the ground. That's okay, I'll stay on the ground.

LAURA: But we do need--

SAM: Well, forget invisibility. If Fjord goes and talks to those guards, they're going to have eyes on him, we could just fly up to the roof. We don't have to be invisible, let's not mess with that, let's not complicate the plan. He makes a distraction, five of us fly to the roof, that's it.

TALIESIN: Pass Without a Trace.

SAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Oh my god.

SAM: It's five in the morning, no one's looking for birds, we're underground.

MICA: "No one's looking for birds."

LIAM: Well, I'll tell you what. I could make a group invisible and let them make their way to the back of the house, out of the sights of the guards, you included, yeah.

LAURA: To the side of the house, there's no back.

LIAM: That's what I mean, back along the backside of the wall, and then you go with, and when you're there, you let me know that they are there, and I drop it, and you are visible again, but out of the way of view, and then I could bat it up.

SAM: Let's do it.

MICA: Question.

MARISHA: Then are you going to stay with Fjord, that way as he's distracting the guards, we know when to drop invisibility and then go from there?

LIAM: He doesn't need to distract the guards, because I will make a handful of people invisible to go to the--

LAURA: We can all go in together, and be caught together. It'll be fun. We'll go to jail as a group, you guys.

TRAVIS: I won't make a distraction unless I hear shit breaking and assuming things are going wrong.

LIAM: I do think we want people outdoors for problems.

MICA: Just to have another option other than flying, if I'm a giant constrictor snake, would my length be as tall as the building so they could walk up me? How tall is a giant constrictor snake?

MATT: A giant constrictor snake is considered a large creature coiled, which I'd say--

MICA: So uncoiled.

MATT: Uncoiled, I'd say it'd be 30 feet length from nose to tip of tail.

MICA: How tall is 30 feet?

MATT: 30 feet.

LAURA: We could all be invisible and climbing an invisible boa constrictor. But we also could just--

MICA: If we're all invisible, I'll just fly you up.

LAURA: If we're all invisible, we could use a rope.

MATT: ♪ D&D. ♪

MICA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: [inaudible]

MICA: I don't know that came to me, I just put that out there.

TALIESIN: No, it was a good--

MATT: (exaggerated Russian accent) So what is plan?

TRAVIS: What is plan, for fuck's sake?

LAURA: We go, and Caleb's going to make us all invisible.

SAM: We're going to scurry to the roof.

LAURA: Scurry up to the roof.

MATT: Okay.

MICA: Am I flying, are we flying?

LAURA: We'll figure it out.

MARISHA: No, we'll figure it out as we go.

LIAM: I can make four people invisible.

MICA: I can bring three people at once.

TALIESIN: Yeah, so two trips, invisible, would get everybody up there.

MICA: Yeah.

LIAM: I'll send you off, and you'll message me.

TALIESIN: We have a flyer.

LAURA: You're staying behind with Fjord.

LIAM: Momentarily. Once you are back there, I'm going to turn into a bat and make my way up there.

SAM: Why don't you make these four, Beau, Reani, Caduceus, Jester, invisible, I'll take care of me, and we'll scurry to the roof.

MARISHA: All right.

SAM: On three, go.

LIAM: Beau, Reani, Jester, and Caduceus?

TALIESIN: Are we there?

TRAVIS: Why did you say "on three," and then not count?

MARISHA: On three, go.

SAM: It was implied.

TRAVIS: Ah.

MATT: It's a silent three.

TALIESIN: We're not at the house yet, are we?

LAURA: No, we were on our way, though.

MATT: Okay, so you're quietly conversing as you're making your way--

LAURA: Just like assholes.

MATT: -- towards the Demerant Circle.

TALIESIN: I just want to say that this is good work. That we are doing the work of the Wildmother, we are on a path of destiny, we are here to make a friend stronger, we're here to help me fulfill what I need to do, and I just want to say I'm so grateful for all of you, for what you've given of yourselves to this, to this, honestly this long shot, this leap of faith that we're all making is just great. And I cast Motivational Speech.

LAURA: Yeah! (cheering)

MATT: You cast Motivational Speech?

TALIESIN: I have Motivational Speech. I'm going to give a Motivational Speech to one, two, three, how many can I do? One, two, three. Choose up to five. So one, two, three, four, five.

MARISHA: (groaning)

TALIESIN: You're fine.

(laughter)

MICA: Get wrecked.

LAURA: So what do we get from this?

TALIESIN: You get five temporary hit points.

LAURA: Yay.

MICA: Ooh.

MARISHA: Your speech was stupid anyway.

TALIESIN: I know, you didn't like it anyway. You get five temporary hit points, you get advantage on wisdom saving throws, for an hour.

LAURA: Wow!

TALIESIN: And if you are hit by an attack, you have advantage on the next attack roll you make.

MATT: I was like, "I remember that from one of the books." Ah, it's in the Acquisitions Incorporated book, that makes complete sense.

TRAVIS: Motivational Speech, yeah.

MATT: Makes total sense, yep.

SAM: Advantage on?

TALIESIN: Advantage on wisdom saving throws, and if you get hit by an attack, your next attack has advantage.

MARISHA: That's cool.

TRAVIS: That's real cool.

MATT: Perfect.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: All righty, so.

MARISHA: As we're walking, I scuttle up to Fjord. Hey, you know, if you want to, you know, if like at nights and stuff or in our spare time, if you want me to like, teach you some basics. It takes like a long time to, you know, train in this shit, but you know, personally, I'm a firm believer that everyone should have like the basics of self-defense, you know?

TRAVIS: A good foundation?

MARISHA: Totally.

TRAVIS: Right.

MARISHA: So if you want, you know, I always do like my morning routine anyway, you're always more than welcome to join for that.

TRAVIS: I lose count after like 75 of those push-ups. I don't know how you expect me to be able to hang with that.

MARISHA: Oh, well no, you just work up to it, man, you know? You shouldn't be down on yourself.

TRAVIS: Right. The sit-ups I also have to do?

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: And the pull-ups?

MARISHA: Yeah, when your body is your weapon, everything needs to be in tip-top shape.

TRAVIS: I tried that once, I saw and then I went and did it, and I couldn't, my everything hurt for two days.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Like rusty hinge.

MARISHA: That's like every day of my life.

TRAVIS: Oh, really? God, you don't show it.

MARISHA: The pain kind of turns me on just a little bit. Don't tell anybody that.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Okay.

MARISHA: I hope that doesn't dissuade you to come work out with me?

TRAVIS: Not at all.

(laughter)

Not at all. I will be focused at the task at hand and not at all thinking about you feeling--

MARISHA: No, you don't have to

TRAVIS: I will take you up--

MARISHA: Don't think about--

MATT: As you arrive at the crossroads where you had previously staked out amongst the stone seats, within visual range of the Tumblecarve residence. Fjord, you are staying behind, Caleb, you are at the moment staying behind. The rest of you are, you are casting Invisibility on all but--

LIAM: On...

LAURA: Wait, before you do it, I cast Pass Without a Trace on all of us.

LIAM: Okay. And is going to, Beauregard is going, Nott is going. Caduceus, where do you want to be in this disaster?

TALIESIN: I think I'd like to come. I tried to--

LIAM: Okay, so one, two, three.

SAM: I can do it on myself, so skip me and do Reani.

MICA: I'm the giant bird carrying things.

LIAM: You want to turn into a giant flying creature?

MICA: An invisible one.

MARISHA: Invisible giant flying creature.

MICA: To pick everybody up and put them--

LAURA: If you cast it, we'll lose Invisibility.

SAM: Not if she casts it first, then you can--

LAURA: That's why I did Pass Without a Trace first! What what?

MICA: I'll only be a giant owl for a moment.

MARISHA: I appreciate this druid logic.

MATT: So you are attempting to turn into a giant owl in the middle of this main thoroughfare, and then you turn invisible. It can be done, it's got to be quick. It's like a (poofs). So--

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: No, no, nein, nein.

MICA: Wait, wait, wait, wait, what if, great DM, is there is a back alley, shady or otherwise, about?

MATT: I would say you can Wild Shape while invisible. Because Wild Shape isn't an attack or casting a spell.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's true.

TRAVIS: Druidic ability.

LIAM: Thank you, strange disembodied voice.

MATT: That is what I'm here for.

MICA: I heard a strange disembodied voice that it's okay if I turn into an owl while invisible.

TRAVIS: Awesome angels out there.

MATT: You're welcome, book boy.

(laughter)

LIAM: One, two, three, four. Poof, poof, poof, poof.

TRAVIS: Cool.

LIAM: Concentrating.

MATT: So the four of you are invisible. Nott?

SAM: I will also cast the Invisibility on myself.

MARISHA: Question.

MATT: Five members of the party have vanished.

MARISHA: When you're invisible, can you see other people made invisible by the same Invisibility spell?

MATT: Nope.

LAURA: We're all just invisible.

SAM: We're touching each other.

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Hands on butts.

LIAM: Careful. Careful, Marisha, careful.

TRAVIS: You know what she likes.

MATT: There are some--

(laughter)

So.

LIAM: Punch yourself.

MATT: So all right, so who's grabbing onto who?

SAM: I got Jessie.

LAURA: I've got Nott.

MARISHA: I've got Reani.

MICA: I've got Beau.

TALIESIN: I've also got Reani.

MICA: And I've got Pinky.

TALIESIN: I'm giant.

LIAM: Who followed any of that, come on. Side note, earlier today when he first got up, Caleb I would say the night before would've used transmuter stone is back to advantage on constitution.

SAM: Concentration?

LIAM: Proficient in--

TRAVIS: Con saves?

LIAM: Con saves, yeah.

MATT: Okay. All right.

LIAM: (babbling)

MATT: With that, you are invisible. You become your owl form? Who do you grasp? Caduceus and Beauregard, whom you are holding.

MICA: Yes.

MATT: You guys feel the shift of form. Is that you cuddling up with the owl?

MARISHA: That's me getting prepped.

MATT: All right.

MICA: I, as gently as possible, pat around to see if I can feel body with my talon, and try and--

MATT: You cop an accidental feel.

MICA: Cop an accidental feel. Gently scoop both of them up. All right.

MICA: Then, I'm pecking around with my beak to see if I can find Jester, but like really gently so I can pick her up. Or are you getting up by yourself?

LAURA: I can do it.

MICA: Oh, just kidding, then I'm only going to take the two of them.

MATT: All right, so with that, there's a gust of wind, (whooshing) coming and flowing and lessening as you assume the owl has taken off towards its destination.

LAURA: Were we all just supposed to go? Like what were we, how are we getting up there?

SAM: On three.

(laughter)

LAURA: Are you leading the way? I'm just--

SAM: Go.

LAURA: Ah!

(laughter)

MATT: So you both just start running towards the residence. All right, you do get a view. There are three guards on the exterior. There are two in the main courtyard and there is one up on the third-level balcony.

MICA: Oh.

LIAM: Third-level balcony.

MATT: Correct. The two outside have crossbows slung over their shoulders, and have weapons drawn. The other one weapon's sheathed, just walking and keeping an eye out. The one on the balcony is actually sitting in a chair with a heavy crossbow across the lap, but looks to be like zoning out a little, not quite like sleepy, but definitely this is a routine.

LIAM: Down on the street.

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Caleb and Fjord stand next to each other and just after a beat, after they vanish, Caleb, staring, says: Last time we did this, you held a sword to my neck.

TRAVIS: Oh, that's right.

LIAM: Good times.

TRAVIS: Sorry about that.

LIAM: Eh.

TRAVIS: Control issues and such.

LIAM: I wouldn't know about that.

(snickering)

MATT: Okay. I'd like you all to roll stealth checks with advantage, because you are invisible, and you have plus 10 because you cast Pass Without a Trace, right? So you are super fucking stealthy right now.

LAURA: Oh god, god, thank god.

LIAM: You're the Nazgul. (whispers)

SAM: 30.

TALIESIN: With advantage?

MATT: You both have it. You guys have advantage, you do not get the plus 10 because you guys are your own separate troupe.

LAURA: Yeah.

MICA: Wait, what?

MATT: Unless you cast--

LAURA: You flew further than 30 feet away from me.

MICA: Oh, okay.

SAM: I rolled a one and a seven.

LAURA: Oh my god, I rolled a one as well.

TALIESIN: Oh god, that's terrible.

MICA: I got a 10 total.

MATT: Total of 10? What'd you roll?

MICA: I rolled a seven.

MATT: With advantage?

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: Well, the owl's is plus eight, remember?

MICA: Oh shit, I'm an owl.

MATT: The giant owl has a plus eight to stealth.

MICA: Thank god.

SAM: How do you know that?

MATT: Because I remember from last time we played.

MICA: Oh yeah, you're right, okay, so seven plus eight.

LAURA: 15.

MICA: That one.

MATT: Okay.

MICA: Thank you, owl.

TALIESIN: Five.

(groaning)

MATT: With advantage?

TALIESIN: I rolled two fours.

MATT: Oh, buddy. All right.

TALIESIN: I thought we had Pass Without a Trace.

LAURA: You flew away from me.

TALIESIN: You were going to come, oh.

MATT: Beauregard?

MARISHA: 24.

MATT: 24, okay.

TRAVIS: What the fuck?

LIAM: But an owl the size of a Barca lounger has a plus eight to stealth?

TALIESIN: They're quiet.

MATT: So you guys fly up. Where are you heading towards, is this the roof?

MICA: Towards the roof where the hatch is.

MATT: Okay. You head towards the roof, and you watch as the one guard is fazing out a little bit, goes, and is just on alert.

SAM: Oh no.

MATT: Hears something. Doesn't quite know direction, doesn't see anything, of course, but does seem to be going from a passive, it's an every day scenario, to being at least on some level of alert.

TRAVIS: His icon turned yellow.

MATT: Yeah, this is a, little exclamation point, bling!

TRAVIS: Yeah. (laughter)

MICA: Little eye shows up like in Skyrim. You're not quite hidden, but you're not quite seen.

LAURA: You got to get hidden so he goes back to--

MATT: Exactly. So you guys make it up. You're landing on the roof. The space there is about a 10, 15-foot gap. It's a little bit of a squeeze; you're going to have to like glide in and then stop.

MICA: Okay.

MATT: And you're holding them?

MICA: Yeah.

MATT: All right, what are you going to do? To land, you got to let them go, and you got to glide in. What are you doing? It's coming quick.

MICA: It's coming quick, I'm going to get as close as I can, and try and gently drop them, but make sure they have enough space to like, you know how owls pull back and like stop?

MATT: Okay.

MICA: So drop them with knowing that I have enough space to like, brake, emergency brake.

MATT: All right, all right. I'll say roll a dexterity check for me, using the owl's physicality.

MICA: Using the owl's dex.

LIAM: How far back is the street team from the front of the--

MICA: Hmm.

MATT: About 150 feet.

MICA: Seven.

MATT: Seven.

TRAVIS: Fuck.

MATT: So--

MICA: You're banished.

MATT: I need both Caduceus and Beauregard to roll acrobatics checks, as you are both suddenly flung from the owl at the top speed of 60 feet per round, I think it was?

MARISHA: Natural 20.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: You three-point land like anime landing, like skid across, without, just a rock. Caduceus?

TALIESIN: 12.

MATT: 12, Caduceus (impacting) tumble a bit. You hear the guard go, "What's that? Hold on."

LAURA: Do the other two guards seem to notice what that third guard is doing? Or is it just--

MATT: They do not!

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: They're just going about their business.

LAURA: So the top one is the only one seeing shit. What are the two guards on the ground doing right now?

MATT: One of them is just at the front door keeping watch, the other is doing like a perimeter patrol of the outside gates.

LAURA: Okay, then--

SAM: We'll wait till he or she walks away.

LAURA: I'm going to get to the side of the house.

SAM: Is there a gate or a fence to climb over?

MATT: There is, there is an iron fence with wooden pillar, or sorry, stone pillars that are about eight foot tall, the gate's about seven feet tall, and about every 10 or 15 feet or so are these stone pillars between each segment of iron gate.

SAM: Climb over?

LAURA: Sure, stealthily. Well, here's the thing.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Is there anywhere along the fence, like, that in a split second it looks like neither of the two guards are looking can see us?

SAM: Is it a barred fence or is it a solid stone fence?

MATT: No, it's iron bars about maybe that far apart.

SAM: And there's pillars.

MATT: And there are stone pillars every 10 or 15 feet that these fences go to, yeah.

SAM: We've got invisibility.

LAURA: Just do it?

SAM: Yep.

MICA: Oh my god.

LAURA: This is really bad, though.

SAM: It's going to be fine.

MATT: Whatcha doing?

LAURA: Going to get behind the pillar, right here, and I'm going to Dimension Door us right behind the guard on the third level.

MATT: The one who's on the balcony? Okay.

LAURA: Right behind him.

SAM: I'm going to prepare my weapon.

LAURA: I'm going to get ready to drop down to the ground and yank him down as soon as we do.

MATT: Okay, so.

MARISHA: Dope.

MATT: You guys hear, as you're getting ready, you hear the (impacting) on the roof and the guard reacting, and you're like, "Oh shit," that's when you get behind the pillar.

SAM: On three.

MATT: You wait for the guards to not be looking. Roll a perception check, Jester.

LAURA: Oh dear. Okay. 18.

MATT: With a quick glance, which is all you need, you find the right moment where the guards are looking in opposite directions of where you both are. You pull in, cast the spell, and (whooshes), with that, you are immediately leapt in a split second to the exterior of the home on that balcony, both landing, and the guard there is like, just finished cocking the heavy crossbow back and is looking up at the roof and is about to like, head back in towards the glass door. What are you doing?

LIAM: Fuck him up.

LAURA: I yank him, and pull him back right as Nott--

SAM: I'm going to shoot him in his throat.

MARISHA: Yes!

MATT: Okay! Go ahead and roll an attack, Jester.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: That got dark.

MATT: Well actually this, that's cocked. This wouldn't be an attack, this would be a grapple attempt for you. So this is a strength, or an athletics check is what it is.

SAM: Jesus.

LAURA: Ooh. Athletics?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: That's a fail. As soon as you land, the guard goes, "Wha--?!" and you just grab and pull him onto the ground. He's like (grunts) and is trying to make noise.

SAM: I'm shooting him in the neck.

MATT: Go ahead and make an attack.

SAM: It's a sneak attack, I assume?

MATT: Currently threatened by your ally, yes, it is sneak attack and surprised, so. Which means you get advantage on the attack

SAM: Natural 20.

(groaning)

TRAVIS: Oh my god!

LIAM: That reaction's getting giffed.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Yes.

TRAVIS: This dude--

SAM: Oh boy.

TRAVIS: -- was falling asleep.

MICA: Minding his own fucking business.

LIAM: I was like, "I'll cast Sleep on him, he'll just take a nap." Nope, dead.

MATT: Yep. Well we'll see, we'll see.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MICA: He's at least going to bleed the fuck out.

SAM: First shot, because it's a crit, you double the dice?

MATT: Correct.

SAM: 60.

(gasping)

But it automatically shoots again.

MATT: Well, fire again, fire again.

SAM: That's a 22 to hit.

MATT: Go ahead and roll damage.

LAURA: Oh my god.

SAM: Nine more points of damage.

MATT: (gagging) (coughs)

(laughter)

As another arrow goes into the throat. Fucking dead instantly.

SAM: I'm sorry.

LAURA: Nott.

SAM: I'm sorry.

LAURA: You killed him.

SAM: His head fell off.

(laughter)

I'm sorry.

LAURA: I thought he should go to sleep. Oh my god, oh my god.

TALIESIN: This is--

LAURA: I'm going to pull the things out of his throat and like tie a little bit of sash around his neck so you can't see the blood.

(laughter)

MATT: Okay.

(laughter)

LAURA: Then I'm just going to make it look like he's not bleeding. I'm going to Cure Wounds, because he's dead already.

MATT: Cure Wounds doesn't get rid of blood.

SAM: Just paint over it.

LAURA: I'm going to paint over it.

MATT: Okay, okay.

SAM: Just wrap it.

LAURA: Just make it to where you can't see the blood.

MATT: There's a lot of blood, you just fucking shot him in the throat and killed him in one hit. We're talking, like, like it's-- yeah.

LIAM: It's the Red Wedding.

LAURA: But is he wearing like armor?

MATT: Yeah, he's wearing like a simple breastplate, some simple pauldrons.

TALIESIN: And a pool of blood, he's wearing a pool of blood.

MATT: He's wearing a pool of blood. A red apron.

SAM: I'm going to take his hands and his large crossbow and point it backwards, like he couldn't take it anymore.

LAURA: No, Nott, don't, no, because he's got to look like he's still here, he's got to look--

TALIESIN: How is this happening!

LAURA: He just needs to look like he's still sitting.

SAM: You want no one to notice this? He's dead.

LAURA: Yeah, but we can Weekend at Bernie's him and just prop him up on the--

TRAVIS: No! No!

SAM: Okay, okay, okay. We can flip him over like he's sleeping, we can put him in like a sleeping position.

LAURA: No, he's got to just, (sighs).

SAM: I mean he's dead, we can't make him look alive.

LIAM: We are going PvP with Reani any second.

LAURA: She doesn't see this is happening.

MATT: That's true.

TRAVIS: Do something, do something, do something.

MATT: What are you doing, guys, what are you doing?

SAM: Just leave him.

LAURA: I'm going to pull him away from the balcony to where he's like--

MATT: Towards the windows and the glass door?

LAURA: So nobody can see. SAM: The windows and glass door.

TRAVIS: Like a kid's room, they're like--

(laughter)

LAURA: If I look up, can anybody see onto the balcony? Can you see it from like a high vantage?

MATT: No, not on the third level of this perspective and pulling away, no.

LAURA: Okay, then from here I'm going to--

TALIESIN: Bury your shame.

LAURA: Yeah. I mean, how do we get up to the--

SAM: We climb.

LAURA: Can we climb up to the roof from here?

LIAM: It's awful slippery now.

MATT: You can, so you're just going to leave the body there, by the side, and you're going to attempt to climb, I need you both to make athletics checks, please.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

MICA: I think I just got abs from laughing so hard.

TALIESIN: I love that it's always the person who is so adamant that we make a complex plan that is the one to immediately throw everything out the window.

TRAVIS: Murder.

MATT: You both are trying to find any sort of hand or foothold from the balcony, and there's no way up to the roof. Like, you can see a couple of bits of the frame, but you just don't have the strength and leverage to actually get any sort of--

SAM: There's windows and doors here. There's windows and doors on this level.

LAURA: Yeah, but they could be like trapped and stuff.

SAM: I can look for the traps. What are you going to do, Dimension Door us?

LAURA: I was going to Dimension Door us to the roof.

SAM: That seems like an escape way, but yeah, do what you do, do what you do.

LIAM: This is going to turn into that one Black Mirror episode.

TALIESIN: It's already there.

MARISHA: Which one?

LAURA: I'm going to Dimension Door us to the roof with everybody else.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Not inside?

LAURA: I thought you guys were already on--

MATT: After tumbling for a moment, and like--

LAURA: Should've gone inside.

MATT: Landed on the roof, you hear the owl come to land, footfalls onto the roof space there. A little bit of a tumble, but you're okay.

TALIESIN: I think we're okay.

MATT: All right, so you guys are still invisible.

MARISHA: We haven't seen them yet?

TRAVIS: So tell me it was too far for you to just initially Dimension Door to the roof. It was too far, right?

LAURA: Definitely too far.

TRAVIS: You just killed us.

LAURA: We didn't-- I wasn't going to-- we weren't trying to kill him, we were just trying to keep him quiet. Because he heard you guys. He heard them!

MARISHA: There's no way.

(laughter)

MATT: What are you guys doing?

MICA: After hearing them tumble, I want to, as an owl, gently search for them with my feathers to just make sure that they're okay.

MATT: They're okay. You eventually find them a moment later. (poofs) Jester and Nott appear next to you on the roof.

LAURA: Hi.

(laughter)

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: This is just... cherry sauce.

TALIESIN: I don't know what that means.

SAM: Let's pick the lock. Where's the latch?

MARISHA: It's over here.

TALIESIN: Check for traps, too.

MATT: Caleb, what are you doing?

LIAM: I'm waiting to hear from my friend, Nott, who was going to message me when it was time.

SAM: When it's time, when it's time. I'm going to go see if it's locked.

MATT: Okay.

MICA: I'm going to un-owl at this point.

MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check.

LIAM: I do say to Fjord, though, it feels like it's been a little long since we've heard--

TRAVIS: I smell metallic in the air. Metallic liquid.

LAURA: No, you don't.

LIAM: But it is stretching on in time here.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: The killing of innocent metallic.

MATT: Okay, so--

LAURA: That all happened very quickly.

MATT: The roof is indeed locked, the latch is locked.

SAM: I will try to pick the lock.

MATT: Go for it. So dexterity plus proficiency modifier.

SAM: Ooh, rough. Oh wait, thieves' tools, right?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: 17.

MATT: 17? It's not opening.

MARISHA: Can you Mage Hand it?

MATT: It's hard to latch on the inside. The mechanism is partially in the interior, so you're just unable to quite get it.

LAURA: I'm going to take my paints out. I'm going to paint a hole.

MATT: Okay. So you go ahead and paint a dark circle and give a little bit of the dimension to it, and Jester-- at first it looks, you know, simple and rudimentary, but the more paint she applies and darkens the ink, eventually you're like, oh, that looks like a hole, and then the section of the roof is just gone, and there's just a hole in the roof.

SAM: Nice.

MATT: It's kind of incredible.

MICA: That's really cool.

LAURA: Thanks.

SAM: All right. I will take out a piece of metal wire and rub it around my lips. I don't know. Then going to message Caleb and say, okay, Team Alpha is going into the roof hole, the roof hole. What do you want to do? You can reply to this message.

MATT: So you guys are 150 feet away from the home. The range on Message is 120 feet, so you hear nothing.

LIAM: Nothing, okay.

ALL: (gasping)

MARISHA: Oh shit.

TRAVIS: Going to plan.

SAM: He didn't reply.

LAURA: Maybe he didn't hear you.

TRAVIS: One dead, no communication.

SAM: Would I know that he's too far, if I didn't hear a response?

MATT: Make an intelligence check, actually.

SAM: Five.

MATT: Five? No. It's weird. He should have responded.

TRAVIS: (laughing)

SAM: Maybe he's hiding.

TRAVIS: We're so good at this.

LAURA: Yeah, maybe he's in his place and he can't talk.

LIAM: Literally just had a talk about how I felt good about how things are going.

SAM: Okay.

MICA: Should I send a friend to go find him?

SAM: If he didn't reply to me, I'm pretty sure that means he doesn't want to speak right now.

MICA: Oh. Okay, well then we'll just leave him alone.

SAM: Yep.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: All right, well, are we going to go in and find this thing everyone knows what we're looking for? Should we split up once we're inside?

SAM: Definitely.

MARISHA: All right.

LAURA: Hold on.

LIAM: No, no, no, think!

LAURA: Hold on, hold on, hold on. I've got the spell. Let me look at it.

MARISHA: Two and two, split up.

SAM: There's five of us.

LAURA: The spell can locate the nearest object of a particular kind. So, I haven't seen it in person, but I know that it's a red ring, right?

MATT: You do, you know it's a spiraled red metal.

LAURA: I know it's a spiraled red metal. So I'm going to cast Locate Object.

MARISHA: Yes queen.

LAURA: And I'm going to think of that specifically.

MATT: Okay. You finish the spell. How long is the cast time on this, one action?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You concentrate, and you can sense the direction. It's below and a little bit in towards the wall of the cavern. Beyond the threshold of what the visual estate is. So you gather this is beyond and deeper into the rock.

LAURA: Okay, does it feel like what level it would be on?

MATT: At this angle it's hard to tell. It's one or two floors below you, from the roof.

LAURA: Okay. So it's either the second or third level.

MATT: One of the two probably, you gather.

MARISHA: This thing's going to be behind lock and key for sure.

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Why don't we do this? Why don't we daisy chain it and we'll just leave a few people stationed in places. That way as you run back, if anything happens-- Right, maybe?

SAM: Sure.

MARISHA: Or is that terrible?

SAM: I don't know, we've got to find it first.

MARISHA: We're all invisible.

LAURA: Well, you're invisible, me and Nott are not invisible anymore.

MARISHA: Yeah, I keep forgetting.

LAURA: You're invisible, I don't even know.

MARISHA: Oh, right here.

LAURA: Okay.

MICA: Hi.

LAURA: Hi!

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: We can't see where you're pointing.

MARISHA: I'm sorry.

(laughter)

MATT: All right, so what are you guys doing?

LAURA: We're going, should we--

MARISHA: Just go.

SAM: Just go in.

LAURA: I'm going to put my head in and look and see if there's anybody in the room below us.

MATT: Okay, there is no light inside. What you're looking down into appears to be some sort of a master bedroom-like chamber. It's relatively gaudy in its attire, dark blue in its coloring, the floor itself is like a polished cerulean stone of some type you don't recognize. The bed is this garish canopied bed with thick curtains, gold trim. The elements of carpet and rug that are set out there are a dark gray with purple accents. The colors are completely not complimentary. It is a fairly hideous chamber, in its elegance perceived. You see a vanity cabinet next to that, you see a mirror above that, you see a dresser, and there is a door that leads into a hallway that lines up with what may have been where the hatch would've descended towards.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: What do we think, how much time do we think has passed since we said goodbye to them?

MATT: About five minutes.

LIAM: Yeah, and what can Fjord and Caleb see from their vantage point, because we saw three guards, all of us, so what do we see? We see the same two guards patrolling and--

MATT: You see two guards patrolling.

LIAM: And we no longer see--

TRAVIS: And one dying very quickly?

MATT: You were watching, and one of them just vanished. Actually, both of you make perception checks.

SAM: Like a stream of blood running down the side of the house?

TRAVIS: The balcony is just dripping?

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Into somebody's latte.

LIAM: 20.

TRAVIS: 12.

MATT: Okay. You just see the guard disappear. You see a brief moment of a panicked Jester, and then she vanishes as well.

LIAM: So I saw Jester for a blink of an eye, and the guard's gone now too, not sure beyond that.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Okay. Okay, okay. Okay, something's-- it's going wrong.

TRAVIS: Why?

LIAM: Jester was there with a guy and now the guy is not there and Jester's not there.

TRAVIS: I see he's not there. She was there?

LIAM: Jester was right there and that was not part of the plan.

TRAVIS: Why would she do that?

LIAM: It's Jester. (sighs)

TRAVIS: Supposed to be on the roof.

LIAM: Okay, okay, okay, okay.

TRAVIS: What are you thinking?

LIAM: I am not sure. I want to give it a minute, perhaps it's better to stay out here with you, because we did not anticipate this.

TRAVIS: Oh, right, stay available?

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: What if the distance is too far?

LIAM: Let's try to get a little bit closer, carefully. 40 or 50 feet.

TRAVIS: All right.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: So you go for a little stroll?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, you get up to the edge of-- nearish to the gate, probably about 100 feet or so from the house.

LIAM: Okay, I'm pulling out the copper wire. (coughing) (muffled) What the fuck is going on in there?

MATT: You hear Caleb message you.

SAM: Oh, oh, oh, yes, yes, we're inside. We had to kill a guard, but we're in on the third floor.

TALIESIN: You had to what?

MICA: Huh?

SAM: Um...

LAURA: Um...

SAM: Shh.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: That's not a good face.

LIAM: Walk with me. And we arc around the way. (whispering) Nott says that they've murdered someone.

TRAVIS: (tight whisper) They murdered someone?

(laughter)

LIAM: That's what she said.

TRAVIS: I thought-- that was never part of the plan.

LIAM: Supposed to make this squeaky clean. Five minutes.

TRAVIS: Where are they now?

LIAM: Alcohol is a problem for that woman.

TRAVIS: I know. You need to get closer. We should move towards the back of the house.

LIAM: Scheiße. (poof poof) We're invisible.

MATT: Okay.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Warn someone first!

LIAM: You first. On three.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: What, what are we doing?

SAM: Go!

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Grab her!

MATT: This is peak Dungeons & Dragons right here.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: (panicked whispering) What are we doing?

LIAM: I'm still here.

TRAVIS: I know, what are we doing on three? You disappeared.

LIAM: But I'm still with you, Fjord.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: What are we doing on three?

LIAM: We're going to walk to the back side of the house.

TRAVIS: Why do we have to count for that?

(laughter)

LIAM: Well, I don't want us to bump into--

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Boobie, boobie, boobies. You're crushing my pinky.

(laughter)

LIAM: Eins, zwei--

TRAVIS: What?

LIAM: --drei!

(laughter)

MATT: And?

LIAM: I start leading him along the right side.

MATT: Okay, go around the gate.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I'm an invisible baby walking.

LIAM: I don't want them to just like walk and go bink!

MATT: Okay. You slowly make your way along the far side where the iron gate meets the end wall on that side of the cavern along the exterior of the courtyard. All right, in the meantime, you guys are inside the bedchamber.

SAM: Oh. Caduceus, I can see you again, great.

TALIESIN: You can?

MATT: Yeah, all the invisibility drops on you guys.

TALIESIN: In that case--

MARISHA: All of us?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Right, because he cast it on--

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Find Traps really quickly.

MATT: Find Traps?

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: Awesome.

MATT: That points them out, to what range?

TALIESIN: 120 feet.

MATT: 120 feet.

SAM: Where'd you get all these spells?

MATT: He had a night to prep, yo.

TALIESIN: I had a night to prep.

SAM: Damn.

MICA: Smart. All right.

TALIESIN: I'm built for espionage today, not for healing.

SAM: That's great.

MATT: Not for healing, so--

TALIESIN: Don't get hurt.

MATT: All right, you sense a trap directly beneath the vanity cabinet.

MICA: Oh.

TALIESIN: Trap.

MATT: You also sense a trap seemingly beyond the hallway, like the door, and there's the hall beyond, and there's a trap about 30 feet beyond there.

TALIESIN: There's a trap on the other side of the door, possibly the door itself, and then like another 30 feet.

MATT: You also sense a handful of various other traps set throughout the house on the bottom floor.

TALIESIN: The bottom floor is a nightmare. We're just, if we go down there, it's going to be--

SAM: But in this room, you pointed to the vanity.

TALIESIN: The vanity is trapped, yeah.

SAM: Is that something that we should investigate, or we don't think it would be in a master bedroom?

TALIESIN: I feel like if I tell you no, you're going to do it anyway.

SAM: No, I'm all ears.

MATT: It's like underneath the vanity.

TALIESIN: There's a trap like underneath the vanity.

SAM: Do you want to look at it?

TALIESIN: I don't know. I'm very confused. I also don't really know, because I can't really see the vanity, because it's pitch black in here. So I have no real idea. I just know that there-- I can kind of-- I have echolocation.

SAM: All right.

MATT: (chuckles) Firbolg's just-- (clicking tongue)

SAM: Should I try to disarm it? Is that a thing?

MICA: Why? We don't need it.

TALIESIN: I think we should skip it.

SAM: What if it's hiding the ring? Maybe the ring's in there.

MARISHA: No, Jester knows that the ring is down the corridor a bit.

SAM: Oh, you're right, you're right, you're right. So wait, can you point to the direction that the ring is, and Caduceus, you point to where that other trap was, 30 feet beyond. Are they pointing in the same direction?

MATT: No, Caduceus is a little off to the right. Like, Caduceus is pointing towards the vanity, towards the base of it, Jester's pointing down the hall, in the direction of the trap that you--

TALIESIN: Yeah, I know, that was--

SAM: Point to the other trap.

TALIESIN: There's a trap that way.

MARISHA: The down the hall trap.

SAM: Are they now?

MATT: The one that's 30 feet beyond, the next one, those are both in a similar direction.

SAM: Okay, that's where it is. Let's go.

MARISHA: That's got to be where it is.

TALIESIN: Question.

SAM: Yes?

TALIESIN: Is it possible that there's a key for something in that other-- beneath the vanity?

LAURA: Oh.

MARISHA: There might be a key. Are there any other traps in here in general?

LAURA: Oh, like maybe they're keeping a key--

TALIESIN: That's the only trap that I'm reading is the one beneath the vanity, right?

MATT: Currently.

MARISHA: Goggles on. I'm going to quickly rummage through some drawers in the vanity, look for keys or anything.

SAM: Watch out for the trap.

TALIESIN: The trap.

MARISHA: No, I'm not going to go under the trap. I'm looking in the--

SAM: That's where it would be.

LAURA: Yeah, don't--

MARISHA: I'm going to avoid the trap.

MATT: You look in the vanity, and you find a series of like, facial powders, you find some gloves. It looks like a bunch of evening wear accessories that begins and more of just basic makeup, and then eventually leads into various bits of smaller accoutrement for what would be a formal gown or attire.

LAURA: Question.

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Are there doors in this room leading to the balcony?

MATT: Yes, there is the glass door and the glass windows that are on the opposite side of the balcony you guys first appeared on.

LAURA: Can we see through them outside?

MATT: You can see a faint bit of light that's coming from just the general atmospheric light of the interior of Uthodurn's street, and the area around you, and the lanterns that are now lit up in the area, but it's all diffused through the weirdly textured fogged glass, so you can't make out more than just a faint bit of light. It's refracted.

TRAVIS: What color is the glass?

MATT: It's like a faint bluish-green, I guess you could say. Like a hint of teal, mostly clear, but a hint of teal to it.

MARISHA: It's probably just jewelry or something in there.

TALIESIN: I would say, I'm learning to let go of control of things.

MARISHA: What?

TALIESIN: If the trap looks like something you can figure out how to disarm, and if you're feeling confident, then I'd say fine, but if you don't, if it looks dangerous, we might as well keep moving.

SAM: I will investigate the trap.

MATT: Okay, roll an investigation check.

SAM: 15.

MATT: 15. It is, indeed-- what you find is not the vanity itself, but beneath it there is a small metallic lock box that has been slipped beneath the vanity, and there's a little compartment that's pushed up and slid inside, so you can try and remove it. There isn't a trap on the space, but the actual latch on the vanity has some sort of a mechanism. It doesn't look super complicated, but it's not a simple trap either.

SAM: I think I've got this. I'll take a little nip of booze and I'll try to disarm the trap.

MATT: Go for it, give me a thieves' tools check.

SAM: 20.

TALIESIN: Backing up.

MATT: 20.

MARISHA: Ooh.

MATT: (clicking) You feel a spring go, and you're like, nothing happens.

SAM: (sighs)

MATT: So the trap is--

SAM: I will open it.

MATT: All right. Well, it is locked as well.

SAM: Oh, Jesus.

MATT: (laughing)

SAM: All right, now I'll try to pick the lock. 25.

MATT: 25.

LAURA: Ooh.

MATT: It's a pretty tough lock and you manage to just barely find it. The tumblers are arranged strangely, and you have to feel around for them. You haven't encountered a lock like this. But it's not entirely unlike others you've encountered, you just have to adjust the arrangement in your mind, and you eventually find it after maybe a minute or so of fiddling with it. It opens up and on the inside you see a pile of jewelry. Like, fine gold and platinum necklaces, with pearls and gems embedded in it. It looks like a beautiful set of formal jewelry. You also see a vial, a potion that looks empty-- like a glass vial-- and a letter that's folded.

LAURA: (whispering) Take the letter, read the letter.

SAM: You want to read it now? Get the thing first. We'll take everything.

MATT: Okay, you got it.

TALIESIN: Put it back.

SAM: Reani, we're just taking this in case it's useful in the next room.

MICA: (monotone) These people are bad. It is good.

SAM: If we find--

MICA: Her eye kind of twitches. (laughter)

LAURA: If they're good, we'll put it all back. How about that?

MARISHA: Maybe there's something in the letter that says they're bad.

SAM: I'll hand the letter to someone. I'll rip it in half.

(laughter)

LAURA: Yeah, Beau will definitely read it.

TALIESIN: So is the next trap where the door is, or is it beyond the door?

LAURA: Beyond the door.

TALIESIN: It's beyond the door.

MATT: The paper is blank.

MARISHA: Bullshit.

LAURA: (gasps) Invisible ink!

MARISHA: It's a fucking' scroll or invisible ink or something like that, and there's some sort of a--

TRAVIS: A vial that seems to be empty.

SAM: Wait wait, there's a vial, there's a vial.

MARISHA: Can you check out the vial with your alchemy skills? Can you see what it is?

SAM: I'm going to just shake the vial next to my ear and see if I hear any liquid in it.

MATT: There's liquid in it.

LAURA: (gasping)

MATT: But it looks and appears empty, and you glance at it, and you can see, it's a faint-- it's not even like water, it's almost like, are you familiar with aerogel?

TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, love it.

MATT: Where it looks like there's liquid in there, but almost not. It's like a ghostly liquid, it's hard to--

MARISHA: It's totally invisible ink.

SAM: For sure. But pouring it on won't make the ink--

LAURA: No.

MARISHA: But that's the ink that's probably--

SAM: No, I assume so, but--

MARISHA: Maybe there's something in the jewelry.

LAURA: Maybe Dispel Magic?

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: Okay. Just pocket it for now.

LAURA: Pocket it for now.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Shall we go to the trap?

TRAVIS: (whispering) Unless it's instructions on how to get into the vault.

MARISHA: I know.

SAM: All right, we're going to make our way out the door to the trap.

MICA: Wait, before we make our way out the door. I want to conjure an elemental cat. No.

SAM: No.

MICA: A small-- a small-- A small gopher of some sort. A small rodent.

MATT: (rodent noises)

MICA: You will go first, because if any of the traps are bad and hurt us, unfortunately we will sacrifice this gopher.

SAM: All right.

TALIESIN: Hmm.

LAURA: Nott can also dismantle the traps that we found.

MICA: What if Nott can't?

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: If Nott cannot, then--

MICA: The gopher goes first.

TRAVIS: What if the wifi password's on that invisible piece of paper?

MATT: Sacrificial gopher has been summoned. You go to exit, and the door's locked.

SAM: The door's locked in the bedroom from the inside? From the outside? Shit.

MARISHA: What if we-- if I hold up the letter in front of the lock, when you cast Dispel Magic, can we get a two for one deal?

LAURA: I don't think so.

MATT: It doesn't work that way.

SAM: I'll try to pick the lock.

MATT: Roll for it.

SAM: Terrible, 16.

MATT: 16? (clicking) It's not opening.

LAURA: I'm going to cast Dispel Magic on the--

SAM: Did I discern the-- oh, on that.

LAURA: On the piece of paper.

MATT: Okay. You cast Dispel Magic. There's a very faint wave of arcane energy, very faint, like a visible breeze for an instant, and suddenly this ink appears across the page.

LAURA: Quick Beau, read it, read it.

MARISHA: I speed read it.

MATT: So glancing through it, it's encoded, meaning the phrases don't seem to make sense initially, but go ahead and make an investigation check for me.

MARISHA: Do I get like a bonus because that's my specialty?

MATT: I mean, you get a bonus as part of your class, so yeah.

TRAVIS: She get a bonus for that hair?

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: Just investigation?

MATT: Just investigation check.

TALIESIN: It is like cyberpunk noir.

TRAVIS: That's like plus one.

MARISHA: All right. Oh wait, no, sorry, sorry, sorry, just one, just one.

MATT: Just one, yeah.

MARISHA: Okay. 15?

MATT: 15, okay. The series of sentences that seem disjointed, you're familiar with this type of subtext. A lot of smuggling, a lot of illegal trade. A lot of things that deal with that are encoded through sentences in which you're supposed to pull and arrange words separately, and there is an insinuation through a lot of it. This seems to be talking about deliveries and acquisitions that have been requested. It talks about a delay, to have patience. It is signed with a "I.J." I-dot-J-dot.

LAURA: Dot. I-dot-J-dot.

MARISHA: Look for--

SAM: I'm looking. Definitely nefarious, Reani. These are bad people.

MICA: Bad people.

LAURA: This sounds like slavers to me. (gasps)

MICA: That's the worst.

SAM: Or even worse than that.

TALIESIN: Antique dealers?

SAM: Yes.

MICA: No!

MATT: I-dot-J.

MICA: Not Antiques Roadshow. Don't make me watch it.

SAM: All right, so we're stuck in this room. Can anyone open this door, Caduceus, you said you're outfitted for stealth?

TALIESIN: Well, there's some stuff I could do.

SAM: Or Reani, can you make--

LAURA: Are there metal hinges on here?

SAM: I could do a Mage Hand.

MATT: There are metal hims hinges, yeah.

MICA: Is there a keyhole which one could possibly morph into something tiny and fly through it?

MATT: Possibly, yeah. Have to be super tiny. There is a keyhole, yeah.

MICA: Don't want to use my last Wild Shape.

LAURA: Don't do it.

SAM: Yeah, yeah, do it. We're stuck in the room.

LAURA: No.

SAM: Of course do it.

LAURA: We're not, I'm going to use my paint.

SAM: Oh.

MICA: Oh.

MATT: All right, so what are you painting?

LIAM: Don't you mean, "Oh!"

SAM: Don't waste too much, you could just make it--

TALIESIN: We can make a little pearl hole.

LAURA: I have a feeling they're locked from both sides, but I was wondering, maybe I can paint like a lot of rust on the hinges to where they just break, like totally corroded hinges.

MICA: Hmm.

MATT: You can certainly try.

SAM: Do you have a dapple sponge?

LAURA: Of course I do.

MATT: So you attempt it? You go ahead and paint this heavy, heavy rust and like crack marks and breaks across the hinges. Go ahead and make a-- make a dexterity check for me.

LAURA: 22.

SAM: Ooh.

MATT: The details are pristine. You would think this is all natural rust. Incredible. The paint sets in. Man, that's a fucked door.

LAURA: Yank it.

MATT: Roll a strength check.

LAURA: 21.

SAM: Ooh!

MATT: 21. It snaps right off the hinges. The door comes off in Jester's hands.

SAM: So cool.

TRAVIS: Slick. Good use of it.

LAURA: I'm trying to use like, little amounts of paint. (laughs) Okay.

SAM: All right, we're through.

LAURA: All right.

SAM: I'll help her set the door down gently.

LAURA: What about Caleb and Fjord, are they coming in or what?

SAM: I'll check. Take out my wire. Caleb, Caleb are you coming in the room? We're in the house--

MATT: You guys are at the edge.

LIAM: We're standing at the gate, invisible, watching two guards do this, right?

MATT: Yep.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Anything else?

LIAM: Did that just come through?

MATT: That just comes through.

SAM: Are you coming in?

LIAM: (whispering) We are at the gate, and the guard on the balcony is gone. You want us to come in?

SAM: He wants to know if we want him to come in.

LAURA: Well, I have a feeling this is going to be, like--

MARISHA: Quick in and out.

LAURA: You think it will be quick?

MARISHA: I don't know. I hope it will be.

TRAVIS: The old in and out?

SAM: Yes, come inside if you can, but no rush.

LAURA: What?

LIAM: And I reply--

SAM: I don't know.

LIAM: Caleb replies to that message: One of us or both of us?

LAURA: Tell him both.

SAM: Both?

LAURA: Just have everybody come in.

SAM: Beau, are you on this? Do you agree, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: Hmm?

SAM: Do you think they should come in?

TALIESIN: Who?

SAM: Our friends outside, Caleb and Fjord Tough.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah, I mean, it's always good to see them.

(laughter)

SAM: Both of you come in.

MARISHA: It might be good to have like, stations, you know?

SAM: What?

MARISHA: As long as they're in speaking length.

SAM: One of you stay a little further out, or maybe all the way out. One of you come in and one of you--

LAURA: They both get on the roof.

MARISHA: The buddy system, man!

LAURA: Both get on the roof and then one maybe stay on the roof?

SAM: They're not getting on the roof. You can reply to this message.

(laughter)

MATT: What are you guys doing?

LIAM: I silently tug at Fjord's hand and pull him back away from the building, 30 feet, so not quite as close, and send my own message.

MATT: You do realize that casting Message casts a spell--

LIAM: Makes it disappear, yeah. But is there any structure or anything?

MATT: You can find a structure, but you'll probably get--

LIAM: But I'll get out of range.

MATT: -- of Message to do it, yeah.

LIAM: Okay, I'm going to pull Fjord a ways away out of sight.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: (whispering) We're moving away from the building.

(laughter)

LIAM: Okay, without doing anything, I say, once we're out of sight: Okay, so they messaged me to have both of us to go in, but I'm not sure how to get both of us in. I know that I can get myself in.

TRAVIS: Yeah, no, you just go. I'll be fine out here invisible. How long does this last?

LIAM: An hour or a couple more seconds when I drop it. We're totally blocked from sight?

MATT: You found a little alcove, yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah, no, don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I have items and stuff. You just-- you just go.

MATT: You turn into a bat?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: All right. You return to visibility, and are now sitting in a small alleyway off near one of the estate storage houses, and you're just alone.

ALL: Aww.

TRAVIS: Anyone around or looking?

MATT: At the moment, no. It's still early morning.

TRAVIS: Oh, what a morning for bread, and shopping. (whispering) Good luck.

MATT: Okay, you-- (flitting)

LIAM: Yeah, and I'm going like: This is very bad day.

MATT: Roll a stealth check for me.

LIAM: Bread, bread.

MATT: Using the bat's bread stealth.

LIAM: I never had that stat up, but it was plus--?

TALIESIN: Eight.

LAURA: No, that's the owl.

LIAM: One. Just plus one for--?

LAURA: I'll look.

LIAM: I'm just going to roll.

LAURA: Hold on.

LIAM: Pretty okay.

LAURA: What do you-- it's the dex?

LIAM: Dex, yeah.

LAURA: Plus two.

LIAM: 13.

MATT: 13, okay. Okay. One of the guards patrolling glances up and sees it and is like, notices you, but is like ah, fuckin' bat, no big deal. You make your way up on the roof, and you can see the hole carved there.

(laughter)

MATT: All right. You guys make your way around the hallway. There's the trap on the opposite side, there's another door there on the opposite side of the hallway, and you can see there is the hatch up there and there is a ladder that is beneath it, but the hatch is still locked inside.

TALIESIN: All right. But the trap that I was sensing--

MATT: It's on another chamber beyond the secondary door that's on the other side of the hallway.

TALIESIN: Okay. Where's the ring, if you remember?

LAURA: It's been less than 10 minutes, I'm assuming. So yeah, I'd still know where it is.

SAM: Okay, let's keep going?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: I'm going to keep an ear out, do I hear any--

MATT: Perception check.

MARISHA: --sounds, footsteps, presence?

TALIESIN: I'll join you in that.

MICA: I also want to put my hamster in front of us, so it's going first.

MARISHA: Five.

TALIESIN: 14.

MATT: Okay. You don't hear anything yet. The door is locked, across the way.

SAM: Oh, jesus. Okay, okay, okay.

LAURA: There's no traps?

TALIESIN: Not on the door, no.

SAM: All right, all right, all right, I'll take another little nip, and then--

LAURA: Hey, don't drink too much.

SAM: Okay. Then I'll try to pick the lock again. 26.

MARISHA: Yes.

MATT: (click) (creak)

SAM: It's just like the other one. I figured it out.

(laughter)

MATT: You guys enter what is a small storage chamber. You can see there's sheets thrown over old furniture, the smell is dusty and musty. You can see there is a small desk in the corner, a couple of barrels. It's just a general storage room that looks to have not seen a whole lot of--

LAURA: Hidden doors, hidden trap, hidden anything.

SAM: Well we know where the trap is, right?

MATT: The path we're leading you to is pointing towards a large armoire, that itself is, you know, cleaner than the rest of the furniture upon glance.

SAM: Don't open it, don't open it.

LAURA: Are there traps?

SAM: There's a trap in it.

LAURA: I was just kidding.

MATT: As you open the door.

TALIESIN: No, no, he knew there was a trap.

MATT: Okay, okay, I'll allow it.

SAM: I'll shoot her in the throat.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Got to stop solving problems that way.

MATT: Fury of the small!

(laughter)

MATT: All right.

SAM: Don't open it, don't open it.

LAURA: Why?

SAM: It's got traps.

LAURA: Oh. Oh, good job, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I know.

SAM: Should I try to disarm it? Because if I fail, it'll go off.

LAURA: Check out the trap and see if it's super hard.

SAM: I will see if I can locate or identify--

TALIESIN: Identify the trap first.

SAM: --the type of trap. 28.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Jesus.

MATT: There is no trap on the doors to the armoire.

SAM: Go ahead and open it.

LAURA: Where is the trap, then?

MATT: It is, however, locked.

SAM: Oh, fucking shit, balls, shit. All right, all right. (panting)

TALIESIN: I'm standing to the side of this thing, no matter what happens. I'm backing up a bit. I believe in you.

SAM: I'll use my Mage Hand for this one.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Stand back 10 feet, and-- what am I doing? Unlocking it?

MATT: Unlocking, yeah.

SAM: 29.

MATT: 29. Opens without issue.

SAM: They've really been using the same lock on all of this. The same thing, it's amazing. Dumb.

MATT: Okay, you open it up, and on the inside you can see there's six different outfits that have been thrown over a central pole, so there's just layer after layer of different colored silks or different materials.

LAURA: Where's the trap?

TALIESIN: Can you sense where the ring is still?

MATT: The trap is further in the armoire.

TALIESIN: Further in, but the ring, though, since you have the ring--

MATT: Same direction.

SAM: How much further?

MARISHA: Is the armoire up against the wall?

MATT: It is.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Oh!

SAM: It's a door, it's a door.

TALIESIN and MICA: We found Narnia!

MARISHA: We totally found Narnia!

MICA: Time to go pet Aslan.

LIAM: Where is Bat-leb, by the way?

MATT: Now a bat flies into the chamber with you guys. You hear (flitting) and you look and you see a bat. (gasps)

LAURA: That's a Caleb bat.

LIAM: What the hell are we doing? What happened?

LAURA: ♪ We found a secret passage through an armoire. ♪

LIAM: Why were you on the balcony?

SAM: There was a guard that had spotted us, so we silenced him.

LAURA: We were saving-- we were saving everyone, because he was like, "Oh my god, I hear people," and he was about to like go and call out, and so we--

SAM: We knocked him out.

LAURA: And tried to knock him out, but Nott accidentally--

SAM: No, we knocked him out.

LAURA: --murdered the shit out of him.

SAM: Oh, she's going to--

LAURA: She didn't mean to. We didn't mean to kill him. We were only going to make him quiet, and then he died.

SAM: His head partially fell off.

LAURA: But it was an accident! We're still good people.

SAM: If you're going to kill me, can you just wait until we leave first, and then you can kill me?

LIAM: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait.

MATT: Wait.

TALIESIN: Wait.

LAURA: Wait.

LIAM: Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Yeah?

LIAM: What is going on?

TALIESIN: We found a-- we found a magic closet. I don't know anything beyond that.

LAURA: We can't wait too long, because my Locate Object only lasts for 10 minutes.

LIAM: I cast Detect Magic.

MATT: Okay. You detect-- the range on that is?

LIAM: 30 I think, 30.

MATT: 30 feet? You sense a faint bit of magic towards the back of this closet.

LIAM: What kind?

MATT: This would be... necromantic.

SAM: Oh.

MARISHA: Ooh.

LIAM: That's a bad armoire.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Everyone's on fire tonight, man.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Good to have you back.

MICA: It certainly is.

(laughter)

LIAM: I quickly, rapidly look all around the room. Is there anything else besides the necromantic armoire?

MATT: Nope.

MARISHA: Do I see any signs--

LIAM: I cast Dispel Magic in its direction.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Oh, cool.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a d20 and add your intelligence modifier. LIAM: My what now?

MATT: Add your intelligence modifier.

LIAM: 23.

SAM: Ooh, good.

MATT: You sense the magic fade.

SAM: (sighs)

LAURA: What-- how do you know that it was good that you--

LIAM: Now it's a good armoire, okay.

MARISHA: Do you think it was going to eat our face off? I bet it was going to eat our face.

TALIESIN: I would have to cast it again, but I can find out.

LAURA: The trap is still there?

SAM: Well we don't know, actually.

MATT: You don't know, are you casting it again?

TALIESIN: What level is that?

MATT: Second level.

TALIESIN: Sure, I'll cast it again.

MATT: Okay, the trap is no longer there, but you now sense five other traps roughly about 80 feet ahead of you.

TALIESIN: There are five other traps roughly 80 feet ahead--

MATT: In the same direction that you're in.

TALIESIN: --in the direction that we're going.

SAM: Into the armoire?

TALIESIN: Yep.

SAM: All right.

LAURA: Let's do it.

MARISHA: Where did you leave Fjord?

LIAM: He's a ways away from the street. We wanted to both come in but--

LAURA: What are the clothes hanging in there? Are they cool at all?

MATT: They're pretty nice robes.

LAURA: Whoa, look at these pretty robes.

SAM: Just grab it.

LAURA: I just pull one and put it on.

SAM: Because they're bad people.

MARISHA: Do I see any sign of shit that looks like it was smuggled or illicit substances, or signs--

MATT: You can start to tear through the room if you want. I mean, everything here looks furniture-like, but you can begin to do a more-- SAM: Let's stay on task.

TALIESIN: There's obviously better stuff this way.

LAURA: I've only got 10 minutes for my spell.

MICA: Also, as we go in, they keep saying, you know, because they're bad people. I pat Nott and I go, slavery is very bad. (strained) I'm sure it's fine. Then I just keep walking.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: If she tries to kill me, will you protect me?

LAURA: I'll really talk you up, okay?

(laughter)

SAM: You'll "talk me up"?

(laughter)

LIAM: Having seen the trap that is in this room, and there's a lot of people working, I would like to sort of investigate the room to try to figure out who lives here that they had that.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: The bedroom?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

MARISHA: Wait, you're staying behind and looking?

LIAM: People are at work.

SAM: We're going to go in.

TALIESIN: We have to open the lock that's behind the armoire.

LIAM: That's a 16.

MATT: 16, okay, so you start looking through. What are you guys doing?

SAM: Is there a lock?

MATT: It's going to take you a while to do that. There is a lock on the back door.

SAM: Jesus.

MICA: That's a fucking lot of locks.

SAM: All right, one more time, one more time.

MATT: Yes, I wonder what they're guarding.

SAM: Going to take another little nip of booze.

LAURA: Don't drink too much.

SAM: Don't worry, I'm okay. 20.

MATT: 20. You just barely manage to find a bit-- This is a larger keyhole, and as such, there's more distance between where the tumblers usually hit, and there's a weird spring mechanism on the inside that you're afraid might have been attached to that earlier trap, or at least what would have triggered it, but you manage to just get it to turn slightly enough where the latch scrapes open and it opens up to a hallway. You have to step through, and it's a bit uncomfortable for like, a taller person to get through. This seems to be designed for a smaller or lithe individual, but there is a hallway beyond, lightless.

LAURA: Can we hear anything down the hallway?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TALIESIN: I'll join you in that. (sighs)

LAURA: I know, right?

TALIESIN: 16.

LAURA: 10.

MATT: You don't hear anything.

MICA: I want to send my gerbil hamster, whomst I've named Henry.

TALIESIN: Henry the hamster.

MICA: Henry the hamster, down the hall first.

MATT: (scampering noises)

TALIESIN: But not too far.

MICA: Not too far, not too far, just like a little bit of recon, yeah, 50 feet or so.

MATT: Okay, goes out 50 feet and stops and turns around.

MICA: Do I still have talk with animals up?

MATT: No, it would've faded. That was yesterday.

MICA: All right, I'll cast it again.

MATT: Okay.

MICA: Did you see anything?

MATT: "No."

MICA: Did you hear anything?

MATT: "No."

(laughter)

SAM: What a snooty hamster.

MICA: Are you ready in case we need you again?

MATT: "Mm, yeah."

MICA: Okay.

(laughter)

MICA: That was my recon.

TALIESIN: I'm going in blind, I guess. Let these people go ahead of me.

MATT: You guys are going in the darkness?

TALIESIN: Just for the moment. I trust you guys.

SAM: We're just going to keep going ahead?

MATT: What's the marching order here?

TALIESIN: I'm in the middle.

LAURA: Nott should be in the front.

SAM: I'll go first.

LAURA: I'll go behind Nott.

MATT: Nott's in the front, followed by Jester.

TALIESIN: Then me.

MARISHA: And I'll take the rear.

MATT: All right, with--

LAURA: Caleb and Reani?

MATT: Caleb and Reani and then Beau?

SAM: Whoa, look at Reani's miniature.

MICA: Yeah!

LAURA: Oh, it wasn't here last week.

SAM: As we walk I'm going to cast Message to Fjord and I'm just going to tell Fjord, listen, we're going deeper in, out of communication range, but if you see those front guards notice their fallen compatriot on the third floor, keep them distracted.

MATT: You're too far. You don't hear anything.

TRAVIS: I figured.

(laughter)

SAM: He's so stoic.

LAURA: He is.

MATT: All right.

MICA: This is going great, you guys.

MATT: So you guys continue in to the dark hallway.

LAURA: Should we send some lights or something?

MATT: No sight, no sight. You're still perusing through, okay.

MARISHA: I've got goggles.

MICA: Do I see anything with darkvision?

MATT: The people with darkvision, you can see fine, but just you have one member of your team, with Caleb staying behind, and you have almost no light in here in this chamber either, so you're fumbling in the dark.

LIAM: I'll blow some transmutation magic and give myself darkvision, then, from the transmutation stone.

MATT: You got it, okay. Continuing though the hall, 20, 40, 60 or so feet. You watch the hallway open into a chamber, and as you make a step, suddenly the chamber lights up. (gasping) A globe in the center of the ceiling, affixed to it, warms, and this light fills the chamber. You stand at the precipice of a pentagon-shaped room with five sides.

SAM: Always a good sign.

TALIESIN: Right, lots of traps.

LAURA: Where's that trap, where's that trap?

MATT: As you look in the middle of this pentagram-like chamber, each corner about 30 feet from each other, end to end. You can see in the center of each of these walls there is a metallic case made of dark, gun-metal iron with a glass cage on top of it, set like a display. And there's one at each wall.

LAURA: (gasps)

SAM: So there's five total?

MATT: There are five.

LAURA: And there's traps on each one?

MATT: There's a trap on each one.

SAM: Is there anything in the middle?

MATT: There's nothing in the center. It's just that orb giving the light.

LIAM: So it's like the mineral room at the museum?

MATT: Kind of.

LIAM: Glass box, glass box. That's the best room at the museum.

MICA: And there's no trap in the middle?

MATT: That you've sensed.

TALIESIN: That I sense.

MARISHA: Do you still sense the ring? Is it in here?

LAURA: Yeah, it's--

SAM: Oh yeah, is your spell working?

MATT: I'd say you'd be on the very very end cusp, but yes, there is a box adjacent to where you enter to the left that you sense is probably where the ring is.

SAM: That's clutch, by the way.

LAURA: Yeah, it's pretty cool.

SAM: All right, let's go over to it.

MATT: Okay, you walk up, and you can see-- all the cases are identical, though in different sizes. This one is a little thinner, and as you look across it, the glass top of it what has an iron cage based across it, light from the orb allows you to see, there is a faint silver velvet pillow, and on it you can see the ring resting on it, like a display case. You gather this is a collection of some kind. A hidden vault that contains a collection. The ring you recognize as having the same spiraling red metal around the entirety of its band, very faint elven filigree along the spiral, and you can see in the middle of it a polished oval stone of jet. This very much matches the description you were given.

LAURA: This is the ring.

SAM: Okay.

MARISHA: While they handle that--

SAM: (cooing) Wizard. Are you here? Oh, you're not in the room with us.

MATT: You by the way, you're investigating in the dark--

LIAM: I'm busy.

MATT: Looking through, it's pretty much just empty storage. Yeah.

LIAM: Okay. Okay, I will abandon it and gingerly make my way into this room, this sex dungeon where they are, clearly.

MATT: Okay. Well, right this way, Mr. Gray.

(laughter)

LAURA: Oh no.

MARISHA: Look at the other cases.

MATT: Okay. You walk by. The next chamber you come across has-- Okay. This one has what looks to be a a leather-wrapped, thick bulbous vial with a stopper cork on the top of it. It's almost like a quick-silver type liquid that rests inside that reflects what light makes its way to the display case to where it looks like liquid silver. The next one you walk past is an old book, maybe about that big, end to end. There's no title on it. It's leather. There is some intricate design put towards-- it's like a brownish-red color. And that just sits in another element. The next one is a similar size to the first one you found and there is another ring. This band looks like it's made of silver with a little bit of a gold line down the center, and there are runes across the top of the ridge and the bottom of the ridge as well. It's beautiful and it's just resting there on its own pillow, similar color velvet beneath it. Then the last one of the five, you see a wand, about that long, of beautifully carved rosewood. Along it you can see all sorts of runes that spiral and then reverse, spiral and then reverse, spiral again. The coloration of the wood seems to shift about halfway up from the rosewood to a dull blue to a purple and then back to the rosewood again. It's beautiful.

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Detect Magic in this room.

MATT: All right. You immediately sense multiple magical sources very strongly from each of these five cases.

TALIESIN: The cases themselves as well, though?

MATT: You detect strong magical essence from each of these cases, and the space. It could be a combination of the items and the traps. You do get the sense that the types of magic you get from these, so--

TALIESIN: Would I know that?

MATT: As part of Detect Magic, you do learn the schools of it, and you do sense that the traps themselves are also magical.

TALIESIN: Sure, magic traps.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: Magic traps.

MATT: There is a heavy enchantment sense from each of these stations, and then--

TALIESIN: All enchanted.

MATT: The one that you guys are looking at here with the ring is a very strong enchantment-based aura. The book has a... strong transmutation element to it.

TALIESIN: The book's giving off the changy thing.

LIAM: Caleb is already standing front of it.

TALIESIN: I figured you'd want to know.

MATT: The wand has-- it's hard to pick up. It seems to shift in the moment.

TALIESIN: It's a very weird stick.

MATT: Like a kaleidoscope of different schools constantly rotating. The silver ring has a-- an abjuration-based essence to it.

TALIESIN: Abjuration vibe on the silver ring, all right.

MATT: Yes, and the quicksilver-like oil in the container, that would have a... it would have an enchantment base as well.

TALIESIN: That's just some sort of weird motor oil, I don't know. Enchantment-based. I relay all this.

LIAM: Caduceus, the cases themselves--

TALIESIN: Are all enchanted.

LIAM: Are enchanted.

TALIESIN: The big one is-- it's giving quite a glow.

LIAM: I have not left the book.

TRAVIS: How far are those cases from each other just for context?

MATT: They're about 10, 15 feet from each other, and they're about 30 feet across from the other ones. Imagine the five-pointed star. They're all kind of equidistant from each other within the chamber.

LIAM: Not that big a room. A room about this big, probably.

MATT: Roughly. A little bit bigger than this.

MICA: Pinky?

TALIESIN: Hmm, yeah?

MICA: If bad people have these things, would that be bad?

TALIESIN: I think-- I think it would be. I get the feeling this is-- I have an urge to set a fire on the way out, honestly.

MARISHA: Yeah, can I-- oh, go ahead.

MICA: (stuttering) Sh-sh-should (inhale) Should we make sure bad people don't have bad things?

TALIESIN: I think we have to be careful to take care of ourselves first, but--

MICA: Okay, but what if we need to save other people, because what if this could hurt other people?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I think we should possibly-- what was the word? Liberate some of this.

MICA: Yeah, okay. Okay.

TALIESIN: I'm going to check-- I want to check the entrance to this room.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

TALIESIN: Is there some sort of locking mechanism that if something gets triggered, is the room going to get sealed?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: Why investigation, man?

MATT: Because this is exactly what you need to do--

TALIESIN: I know.

MATT: --to try and figure out these type of mechanisms.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's good. Uh, one. (laughter) I rolled a two minus one.

MATT: You, um-- Like, you've been around doors most of your life.

TALIESIN: I mean, really I haven't, though, I really haven't.

MATT: Well, entrance-ways.

TALIESIN: Sure.

MATT: Egresses, there have been passages.

TALIESIN: There have been a few.

MATT: You're really unable to figure out if there's anything special about this one.

TALIESIN: Oh man, I don't know.

LIAM: When you were putting the blacklight on this room, did you see anything besides these cases?

TALIESIN: The stuff in them, the cases.

LIAM: The cases and what's in them. Nothing on the ceiling, nothing--

MATT: There would be a faint magical essence from the glow of the orb in the center.

TALIESIN: But nothing else, really.

MATT: No.

MARISHA: Is there any type of script or coding or anything on the walls?

LIAM: Yeah, on doorways, or patterns, or writing, aside from these museum cases?

MATT: Make a perception or investigation, your choice.

MARISHA: I will take that investigation fucking check.

LIAM: 21.

MARISHA: Jesus fucking Christ, I'm supposed to be good at this and I roll shitty every time.

MATT: I'm so sorry.

MARISHA: 11.

MATT: No. It is simple, it is blank, nothing in the chamber is meant to distract from the presentation of these objects. They are the center of attention.

LIAM: Were the walls metallic?

MATT: No, they're stone. They're carved from the interior of the mountain.

MARISHA: Is there any type of-- you said it's shaped like a pentagram or a pentagon?

MATT: Pentagon.

MARISHA: Pentagon. Is there anything on the floor? Drawn between the display cases or any iconography?

MATT: No.

MARISHA: Okay.

LAURA: Why don't we just drag it open and take it?

LIAM: No, no, no.

SAM: We should do the one that we're here for.

LIAM: Which is this one, Jester?

LAURA: It's this ring right here, yeah.

SAM: If that one goes okay, we can talk about that book.

MICA: Would I recognize any of these items from time with the Auditors or time I spent--

MATT: You can roll a history check.

MICA: All right.

MATT: Or arcana, your choice. Actually, arcana would be more the one for this one.

MICA: Okay.

SAM: Sweat stains in the pits.

MICA: 11.

MATT: 11? You have no idea.

MICA: No idea?

LIAM: So I have a couple of attempts at pulling away magic from some of these cases.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: The two big ones.

LIAM: And then--

LAURA: Like Dispel Magic, you mean?

LIAM: Yeah, yeah, I will dispel the magic if I'm able to, if it's not too strong, and then my cat will maybe give a little sniff to each thing and we'll see if he survives it.

SAM: Okay. Let's start with the ring.

MICA: I also have Henry.

SAM: That's right.

LIAM: That's even better.

LAURA: Let's try to dispel some magic.

LIAM: Yeah. Let's do the... ring first.

TALIESIN: What's the worst that can happen?

SAM: Do you want to test it out on the book one?

LIAM: No, we came here for the ring.

TALIESIN: What's the worst that can happen if this goes wrong?

LAURA: We all die.

MARISHA: Yeah, I was going to say, alarm goes off, a giant monster comes busting out from another dimension that they've locked away.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to cast Resistance on Caleb then, so you just get to-- just in case you need a saving throw, there's a d4 in there for you.

MATT: For the next round, you mean?

TALIESIN: No, one minute.

MATT: Oh Resistance, sorry, I was thinking of another cantrip.

LIAM: Everyone back out of the room with me.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we're going to back out of the room.

LIAM: I'm going to do this at a distance. How far away can I get and still see?

MATT: About 40 feet.

LIAM: In this case, so I will stand 40 feet back with everybody, hopefully--

MATT: Yeah, before the tunnel begins to cut off your visual range.

LIAM: And wave my hand in the air and mutter a word or two and cast Dispel Magic on our target.

MATT: Go ahead and roll a d20 and add your intelligence modifier.

LIAM: 19.

MATT: 19. You release the spell, you see the faint shimmer once more of the dispel, like a slight distortion visually.

LIAM: Nott the Brave.

SAM: Did it work?

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: Oh, great.

LIAM: Do you want to see if it is locked as well?

SAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: I put the d4 on you now.

SAM: Great, I'll go over with my Mage Hand and try to-- can Mage Hand investigate? No, I have to investigate, the the Mage Hand can do things.

MATT: The Mage Hand can use your thieves' tools at a distance.

SAM: So I'll go investigate to see if it's locked.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: 17?

MATT: Definitely locked.

SAM: Okay, I'll back up.

MATT: It is a very intricate lock.

SAM: Oh, fuck. I'll back up 29 feet, and--

LIAM: Can anybody help her out here?

TALIESIN: I have another d4 on that.

LIAM: Yeah yeah, anybody else?

LAURA: I mean, it's a saving throw, Bless.

MARISHA: I mean going to guard the door, just in case.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: No ability bonuses.

LIAM: No, I can't.

LAURA: Tell you what, Nott, you're the coolest, you can do it.

SAM: d10 inspiration.

LAURA: (laughing)

MATT: All righty.

SAM: All right, I will Mage Hand and try to pick the lock. 26.

MATT: 26.

TALIESIN: Damn.

MATT: You watch as the thieves' tools gently drift over with the faint outline of the Mage Hand drifting it there. As she concentrates, you watch them shift and turn, and one latch opens, but it's a multi-tiered latch, it's like three locks in one. And with each one you unlock, it pulls one of the tools away and you have to push in further, unlocks, then pulls it away. It's like a fractal of a lock.

LAURA: That's fucking awesome.

MATT: And as you're concentrating and sweating and gritting your teeth, you can taste blood as you bite your lip, just concentrating, and then (clicks and creaks). (gasping) Then the lid opens.

LAURA: (gasps)

LIAM: Use your Mage Hand again.

TALIESIN: Mage Hand.

SAM: I will Mage Hand to pick up the ring.

MATT: Okay. Carrying the tools in your hand--

SAM: Oh, I'll bring the tools back.

MATT: Bring it back.

SAM: Put it in my pocket.

LAURA: Grab the whole pillow.

MATT: The ring drifts.

LAURA: Just kidding, grab the ring. Oh my gosh, we've got it.

MATT: And it's in your palm.

SAM: Okay. What do you want to do now?

MARISHA: Question.

TALIESIN: Put it in the bag.

MARISHA: Should I take it and get out of here while you guys see if you want to finish the rest of this?

SAM: That's not bad.

TALIESIN: Not a bad idea.

LIAM: How are you going to do that?

MARISHA: Go out the way we came.

SAM: She's the fucking coolest.

LIAM: I know she's cool, but--

TALIESIN: All right, I think that's a good idea.

MARISHA: I don't know.

LIAM: Maybe hit the roof at least, so that you have eyes on the outside?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MICA: I can take her.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: Buddy system?

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: Buddy system.

MARISHA: I feel weird being away from Fjord.

LAURA: Nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

MICA: Oh.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Did you just fucking Lilo and Stitch? Jesus. Did you just ohana?

(laughter)

MATT: All righty, so what's the plan?

LIAM: We'll wait till they go up.

MATT: All right, so you guys make your way towards the roof again?

MARISHA: And we're going to stealth the fuck outta that shit.

SAM: She's taking the ring.

MATT: All right. How are you stealthing away?

MARISHA: How?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: By my dope monk skills.

LIAM: They're going up to the roof.

MATT: Oh, so you're not leaving the roof, you're going to the roof? Roll a stealth check for both of you guys.

SAM: Oh boy.

LAURA: Stay to the back.

MARISHA: 24.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: (whispering) You got it.

MICA: (exhales) 15.

MATT: 15, you both gingerly tiptoe your way back to the roof, climbing up through the hole, helping get Reani up, and both of you find yourselves sitting on the roof quietly, successfully stealthed.

LIAM: All right, Mighty Nein, rinse and repeat.

TALIESIN: Tap you for a d4.

LAURA: Don't use up all your spells because you're going to have to invisible people off the roof.

TALIESIN: Well, we'll figure something out.

SAM: Can't you just Dimension Door all of us?

LAURA: Just one other person.

LIAM: I am hoping to just use one more spell in here only.

LAURA: Okay.

TRAVIS: Which one is it, which item, which item?

LAURA: Of course, which one do you think?

LIAM: The book.

MATT: The book, okay. Go ahead and roll a d20 and add your intelligence modifier.

LIAM: 24.

SAM: (gasps)

MATT: You are rolling well tonight.

LIAM: Making up for last week's trapped in the countryside.

MATT: This one's to the immediate left of the entry way.

MARISHA: What?!

MATT: So you look over to it, concentrate.

LIAM: You were fantastic.

MATT: You see a slight spark fade.

LAURA: Nice.

LIAM: Okay, okay, okay. One midnight gone.

LAURA: (laughing) ♪ One midnight gone ♪

LIAM: I reach my hand out and place it on Nott's shoulder and cast-- no, I resist the urge.

TALIESIN: Just giving you the d4 now, Nott.

SAM: Is it up to me?

TALIESIN: Yep.

LIAM: Ja.

TALIESIN: I have a plan B, but yeah.

LAURA: I've got a plan C.

SAM: I'll take another nip of liquor.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: (exhaling) (groaning) Sorry. I will Mage Hand-- oh, first I'll go investigate, see if it's locked.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: That's a crazy roll. Natural one.

MATT: I mean--

SAM: It's locked.

MATT: You look at it and you're like, I mean, it looks like the same sort of arrangement as the other things there.

TALIESIN: That's a good place to get your natural one out.

SAM: I don't see a lock, but I'll guess that one's there.

MATT: I'll say with your intelligence as high as it is, you surmise that it's locked in a similar fashion.

SAM: Okay, I will cast Mage Hand and I will pick the lock. Similar, 26.

MATT: 26.

TALIESIN: Jesus.

MATT: (creaks) Opens up.

SAM: Your book, sir.

LIAM: Would you carry from afar down onto the ground?

SAM: Sure, I grab it. I'll bring it to him.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: You can already smell the musty scent off of it.

LIAM: (contented sigh)

(laughter)

LIAM: Frumpkin apparates next to me, and I ask him to set his front paws on the book.

MATT: (mews)

LIAM: That's a good boy.

MATT: (purrs)

LIAM: (contented sighing) What else do we want to do here?

SAM: Take everything in the room!

LAURA: They're going to be so pissed, you guys.

LIAM: So, so so so, so. We need to be able to get out of here. I have the ability--

LAURA: How strong is your Dispel Magic, is it like super-duper strong or is it like level two and three strong, or is it like level five strong?

LIAM: Well, I could only do that one more time, for one more of these. I am getting pretty tapped. I can still cast Invisibility on one person at a time, three times.

TALIESIN: Let's maybe, I don't know, I'm feeling like we-- I feel like two is a good number.

LAURA: Maybe don't press our luck?

TALIESIN: I feel like we've pressed our luck.

SAM: We have.

LIAM: What are the three remaining objects again?

TALIESIN: A ring.

MATT: There is the vial of quicksilver type liquid, there is the silver and gold ring with the runes across the top and bottom, and there is the beautiful wand.

TRAVIS: Multi-colored power.

TALIESIN: That's really hard to pin down.

TRAVIS: Beyond description.

LAURA: I really like things that are rainbow colored.

TRAVIS: Wand of Eternity!

LAURA: I also really like rings.

SAM: Wow, what is that?

TRAVIS: (whispering) Untold ability.

LAURA: I can try to do what you were doing.

SAM: Do you have Dispel Magic?

TRAVIS: (whispering) Harry.

SAM: Go for it.

LAURA: But I don't know how high I have to cast it.

SAM: Just do it.

TALIESIN: Cast it, take a--

LIAM: Real high.

LAURA: Real high?

TALIESIN: d4.

LAURA: Hmm, I can't use--

TRAVIS: Meanwhile, I have this damn thing.

LAURA: I don't know.

(laughter)

MATT: Just sitting here with your fucking Dispel Stone, just like "Hmm."

MICA: Wouldn't that be nice?

TRAVIS: Or this dagger that just, you know, goes into a keyhole and locks and unlocks it.

LIAM: It's spellcasting modifier, right?

LAURA: Huh?

LIAM: Is the bonus going into it.

LAURA: Oh, right.

LIAM: So your WIS.

LAURA: My wisdom is really high, but--

MATT: Only unlocks its own lock.

SAM: Well, the DC is actually-- on her it's DC plus level.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: The DC is 10 plus the level of whatever the enchantment spell is.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: Oh, okay.

MATT: You're trying to beat that. You don't know what level that is.

LAURA: Okay, make an ability check using-- oh, so then I would roll and then--

MATT: You would roll a d20 and add your wisdom modifier.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Then I'm going to cast Dispel Magic on the wand one.

MATT: Okay, roll a d20 and add your wisdom modifier. You guys are cleaning these guys out.

SAM: They could come home at any moment. Okay.

LAURA: Wisdom modifier, 16?

MATT: 16. You watch as the energy ripple, similar to Caleb's, but it has like a slight greenish tint to it, as it (whooshes) dissipates it.

TRAVIS: Ooh, that's a different kind of magic.

SAM: Did it feel like it worked?

MATT: With a bit of Traveler flavor.

LAURA and TRAVIS: Oh.

LAURA: Yeah, the Traveler was with me, it's gone.

SAM: All right. I'm feeling cocky.

TALIESIN: d4 there.

SAM: I'm going to take a little nip.

TRAVIS: Jesus.

LIAM: I reach out and grip her wrist.

LAURA: Nott, stop. Yeah.

LIAM: Maybe we celebrate with a drink on the outside, yeah?

LAURA: No nips before, okay?

SAM: This isn't for fun. But all right.

LAURA: You've nipped it up real good.

LIAM: Wait.

TRAVIS: Do you get advantage when you drink?

LAURA: No.

TALIESIN: Quite the opposite.

LIAM: I rest my hand on her shoulder.

SAM: Thank you.

LIAM: Go ahead.

SAM: I will roll to unlock with Mage Hand. 17.

MATT: 17? (clicking) (clinks) Nope. But something clicks in the lock.

MARISHA: Uh-oh.

MATT: You don't know what that means.

LAURA: We should get out of here.

MARISHA: Go, go, go.

SAM: I needed that drink.

LAURA: Let's go, let's go, let's go.

TALIESIN: We're making our way out. I'm making my way out.

MATT: Stealth checks, everybody else.

LAURA: ♪ Making my way outside, on the roof ♪ ♪ Time to run, and I cast Pass Without a Trace ♪

TALIESIN: Oh, you do? Thank you.

ALL: (singing "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton)

MICA: (gasps)

TRAVIS: What fucking was it?

MATT: All right, so, down the row.

MICA: No, I'm not with you, but.

MATT: Down the row. Oh, you're already there.

LIAM: 17.

MICA: We're on the roof.

MATT: 17 with plus 10 from Pass Without a Trace?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Nott?

SAM: 39.

MATT: Jester?

LAURA: ♪ One one one ♪

TALIESIN: 22.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: (quietly) Oh my god.

MATT: You rush through the hallway, out of the armoire, into the next hallway, into the room with the hole up top. Nobody seems to notice at the moment. One by one, you help each other up and you're back onto the roof. You guys watch as the rest of your friends arrive.

MARISHA: Good, good, good, good.

TALIESIN: We got to get outta here now. I think we tripped something, we got to go.

SAM: I could go back and get it. The magic is dispelled, we could just knock over the thing, just smash through.

LAURA: Something happened on the trap. I think they know we're there.

SAM: But they're not there.

LAURA: Good thing we were staying outside of the room, huh?

MARISHA: You killed a guard.

SAM: Don't tell Reani that.

LAURA: She already knows.

MICA: I already know.

LIAM: She's right here.

TALIESIN: Okay, we got to go.

MATT: You hear a voice go, echoing in the courtyard. "Hey, hey, we got to check inside."

SAM: Are we on the roof yet?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: You're on the roof, yeah.

SAM: I'm casting Message. Fjord, Fjord, we're made, we're made. Kill the guards in the front.

LAURA: No, no, no!

MATT: He's too far away.

LAURA: Thank god. Everybody, I can--

MATT: You pulled him off to the alleyway, and you've just been walking around, or are you staying near the house?

LIAM: There's two guards.

MATT: Okay, then you may have heard that.

LAURA: I'm going to grab Caduceus, because he's the biggest and it'll be the hardest, and I'm going to Dimension Door me and him.

MATT: To?

LAURA: 500 feet away from the fucking house.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Like in a back alley, if I can see one.

MATT: You don't know this city very well. I will say go ahead and roll an intelligence check for me.

TALIESIN: You have one more shape.

MICA: I do.

TALIESIN: Oh, thank god.

MICA: I do.

LAURA: Do I still have that extra luck thing? No, that was from last night.

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: 13.

MATT: 13, okay. You vaguely remember maybe glancing out of the corner of your eye at an alleyway at one point, and you hope and concentrate on that, and both you and Caduceus appear in a shadowed alleyway inches from the stone wall and like, oh.

TALIESIN: Transmute into an elf, I Disguise Self elf.

MATT: You got it, okay.

LAURA: Same. Same.

MATT: All right. The rest of you.

LIAM: While you were doing that I'm going to go peek down over the front. Are they still out there, or do they immediately go in?

MATT: They have entered the front door.

SAM: Did Fjord respond to me?

MATT: Fjord, have you responded?

TRAVIS: Did I hear them?

MATT: I'll say you would've heard him, if you're wandering.

TRAVIS: Could I see where the guards are and if they're acting batshit?

MATT: You see them heading into the house now.

TRAVIS: (loudly) Excuse me, excuse me.

SAM: Everyone hold, everyone hold.

TRAVIS: The master of the house--

MATT: They're inside the house. They're not even listening. Something-- they seem to be very much on a sudden alert and rushing into the home.

TRAVIS: Oh god, I start looking around, like looking up on the roof, looking out. Do I see anybody of the group?

MATT: Make a perception check.

TRAVIS: 12.

MATT: 12? No, you don't.

LAURA: Can I pop out of the alleyway, do I see Fjord?

MATT: No, you guys are way off, you went 500 feet away, he's like 115 feet away from the house.

TALIESIN: Meandering our way back towards the house, maybe--

MARISHA: Does anyone have a Mending or something where we can put the hole back together that we put in the roof?

TRAVIS: More like the guard.

LIAM: We've already fucked this place.

MICA: The way that the city is built, if I flew straight up, would I fly out of the city, or do I have to go--

MATT: No, you'd have to go all the way up to the top of the Volition Disk and then up through the central hole, where the entrance--

MICA: Is the street starting to be populated? Like are there people, is it morning now?

MATT: You're getting pretty close. You're starting to see more people than there were earlier. A few folks are starting to emerge from their homes. It's like 6:30 in the morning. You would say--

LIAM: So it's not dead, there are a couple of people about?

MATT: Like, you see two people in the streets. It's beginning, people are starting to wake up, and like, greet the day. What are you doing?

LAURA: Invisibility, can you do Invisibility? It's just the three of you up there now.

MATT: Yep.

SAM: He can only do one at a time.

MARISHA: One, two, three, four.

MATT: Or four of you guys.

LAURA: Oh, but you can do it.

SAM: Yeah, but can you do-- at a time?

LIAM: One at a time right now. Or I could do three people, but then I'm blowing a 4th-level.

LAURA: Do it.

LIAM: Three people, but are you invisible still? I can't remember.

MICA and MARISHA: No.

MICA: If you make me invisible, I can carry us off the roof.

LAURA: Yeah.

LAURA: I'm gone.

SAM: She's gone.

LAURA: I have Caduceus, we're out. It's just you guys.

LIAM: Then these three, Nott, myself.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Why don't you do yourself, I'll do me.

MARISHA: Yourself, and then yeah, because we're stealthy as fuck.

LIAM: Okay.

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

MATT: All right, so three invisible with Caleb there, and you turn yourself invisible.

SAM: Yes.

MATT: All right. Reani, what are you doing?

MICA: Giant owl.

MATT: You take a moment, feel around, manage to grab the three of them, thankfully as they're not the heaviest of the troupe.

MICA: Before I giant owl, can I Pass Without a Trace?

MATT: I'll allow it, yeah.

MICA: Sweet. So I'm going to Pass Without a Trace all of us.

MATT: You maintain that concentration in your owl form.

MICA: Yep.

MATT: You do have disadvantage on your stealth check because you are carrying three people, but that balances out to a singular roll.

MICA: Okay, so single roll, and I get the extra 10 for Pass Without a Trace, right?

MATT: Correct.

MICA: Okay, let me find my--

MATT: So you're plus 18 to your roll. Total.

MICA: Plus 18 to my roll.

MATT: So, as Reani takes off as the owl, invisibly from the site of this break-in entry, I need you all to make stealth checks, please. You would have disadvantage, I'm sorry, because it doesn't give you advantage on the-- it's just plus 18 to whatever you--

MICA: So just plus 18?

MATT: Yeah, to whatever your disadvantage roll is.

LIAM: Is Reani's cargo Pass Without a Trace as well, right? No, just one?

LAURA: No, I Dimension Doored us.

MATT: Well no, she cast it herself.

LAURA: Oh, never mind, I'm sorry.

MATT: Yeah, so you guys have it as well. So I'm sorry, disadvantage on the roll, but you add plus 18 to whatever you roll.

MICA: 21.

MATT: 21.

SAM: 25.

TALIESIN: 20.

MARISHA: 22.

SAM: Whoa.

LAURA: (lips fluttering)

MATT: You scoot off the roof, your feet catch and knock some of the elements of the stone work on the edge to tumble, but they fall silently into the grass below. Kind of like weird subterranean gardens that they build here in the more upper class elements, here in the Demerant Circle. Quietly over the city, looking behind you, you can see now the guards are now-- the lights are turning on in the house. Certain window lights turning on in the house. Who knows what else is going on in there right now, but it's behind you.

LAURA: I'm going to send a message to Fjord.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Oh, yeah, he's still there?

TRAVIS: (drunkenly) Hey, you owe me money!

LAURA: Fjord! Fjord!

TRAVIS: I've come to collect!

LAURA: Everybody's out of the house. Get away from the house. Get back to-- Reani's house maybe, I'm not sure where we're going, but everybody's gone, just get away.

TRAVIS: Do I hear that?

MATT: I'd say you would probably backtrack enough.

SAM: Is that Message?

MATT: To leave the message, so sure.

TRAVIS: I'll come back for my money later.

(laughter)

MATT: Okay. For the purposes of expediency on this, you do manage to return to Reani's home to gather safe and sound with the items you have recovered. So, unless there's any other business, you can go ahead and return this ring to Ava.

TALIESIN: I'd like to know what it is before we return it, but other than that.

LAURA: Yeah, we should Identify the fuck out of this stuff.

MATT: Okay, so you're casting--

LIAM: Identify, ritually, on both the ring and the book.

MATT: All right, the ring--

TALIESIN: I'd like to know what the cost is.

LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: We have stolen valuable items from dangerous people and things twice in a row now.

MARISHA: That went pretty well, actually.

SAM: Yeah, Reani, you are our good luck charm.

MARISHA: I think so.

MICA: Yay!

TRAVIS: Just trying to help.

LIAM: I know, darling.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: But you also have the iceflex, and can begin to make your journey with Umagorn towards the forge.

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: So. When you're ready for that, let me know. Want to try and get to one moment tonight so we can give you a proper exit as well as hit a good narrative point, so, hang tight for just a short time more, guys, if you don't mind.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

LIAM: This ring is used to implant dreams in someone's mind.

LAURA: Whoa, that's dark, and cool.

TALIESIN: Is there a top involved or--

SAM: That's cool.

LAURA: Implant dreams into someone's mind?

TALIESIN: That's pretty cool.

LIAM: Yeah. Of your choosing. Imagine if you could put a dream in someone's mind to follow the Traveler.

LAURA: I mean, that'd be fucking cool.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: How do we know that they haven't been using those kinds of things on people already?

TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Probably have.

SAM: In any case, giving this back to Ava doesn't seem like such a bad thing.

LAURA: No.

TALIESIN: It's the path we're on, it's the path I'll walk.

SAM: It's not a world-breaking item.

TALIESIN: I'm comfortable. I'll make that exchange.

LAURA: Yeah, let's make our way back to Ava.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: All right. For the purposes of expediency as well, Ava is extremely happy to make the trade if the ring is presented. She is excited and congratulates you on this successful mission, and she gives a bit of respect and surprise to you, Reani. "But if you wouldn't mind, a trade is a trade, yes?"

TALIESIN: The whole box.

MATT: The entire box, friend.

LIAM: You feel good about this?

TALIESIN: I do.

LAURA: We need that. We need that glass.

LIAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I do feel good about this.

MATT: "Finally, home where you belong."

LAURA: Are you going to plant a bunch of dreams in people's minds like crazy?

MATT: There's a moment of Ava's eyes just shooting daggers at you and intent and goes, (chuckles) "I have plans. But here you are." She hands over the box, which contains a sizable amount of refined residuum glass.

TRAVIS: Oh!

LAURA: Yeah!

MARISHA: Can I get an idea if she's actually just a normal old antiques collector?

TALIESIN: There's no such thing.

MATT: Make an insight check.

TALIESIN: Ever met one? (laughter) These are creatures beyond.

MARISHA: 17. Sorry 15, 15.

MATT: 15? There's definitely a lot more going on than just the surface, and you know, strange trading post runner, but you can't ascertain more beyond that. Definitely a more tiered and involved persona.

TRAVIS: She's a demogorgon.

LAURA: You're not going to let anyone know where you got that, right?

MATT: "Of course not. Do you think I have a successful business by providing information about my sources? You're fine."

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: "As long you won't tell anyone where you gave this ring."

LAURA: Why would we do that?

MATT: "Precisely. Well, good luck, and... I'm proud of you."

MICA: (shudders)

SAM: She likes you now.

MICA: (groans)

LAURA: Try to do a flower crown, see if she wants a flower crown.

MICA: (gasps) Quickly Druidcraft a flower crown and slide it across the table.

MATT: She takes it and goes, "You've certainly helped hobble some bad folk."

MICA: (high-pitched noise and squeak)

TRAVIS: Wow.

TALIESIN: Worth it. Entirely worth it.

MICA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Look at that.

SAM: I'll look at the imps. Are they surprised?

MATT: They're both going... They're definitely surprised.

MICA: I look up at them, I'm like: You're next.

MATT: "Anyway, our business is concluded, unless you want something else."

TALIESIN: Oh, pleasure doing business with you.

MATT: "Then goodbye."

SAM: All right, so we'll hook up with Umagorn and make--

MATT: You notice on the way out, as soon as you guys leave, the moment you're exiting, she takes the crown off. (laughter) All right, so, you gather Umagorn, you gather your materials, and you begin your two-day trek to the Cinderrest Sanctum with the iceflex. Upon which your arrival-- with the information and the experience that you've had, you manage to avoid marauding ice giant hunters, amongst other dangers in the vicinity, until you come upon the familiar mountain of Kravaraad. Entering, the Dust family awaits you. It seems that Ichabod, the father of the family, has returned with his son. Let me go ahead and prepare this element of my notes here, as you've moved on to the next. As well as Brumhelm, the youngest, who's like a young dwarf, maybe in his teens, quiet and shy. Umagorn asks for help from both Khemdal, who is the keeper and maintainer of the forge, as well as his assistant, Deilin, to help as well, and begins the process of reforging the weapon. The heat is immense, and the process-- Umagorn halfway, or even like 30 minutes in, sweating, turns to you, going, "This is going to take a while. Going over my notes, I've got some help. I'll probably need to work through the night. But I'm excited. I'm going to get this done, so don't mind me." Ping, ping, and you watch as the Underforge begins to glow, and it seems that with the presence of this inspiration to create, the fire and the magma seems to intensify, burning brighter and hotter. Not in a way that's uncomfortable, but just it's an electric sensation, like the forge itself is a living being that is as excited for this as you are. You have an evening's rest here, within the Cinderrest Sanctum. Is there anything that you'd like to do while you rest or move on?

TALIESIN: I'm probably going to meditate and have a quick communion with the Wildmother about precisely what is the ritual that I'm to enact.

MATT: Okay. So you can finish your Commune, you burn your incense, prepare and close your eyes. You sense the warmth wash over you like a breeze in the center of a summer day. You sense her presence, you sense her smile, and the images and emotions begin to fill you. Wordless, but understandable. What are your questions?

TALIESIN: Do you wish me to feed just three of these into the-- into the magma?

MATT: You have four large pieces?

TALIESIN: Four or five, I believe.

MATT: I'd say it's like four and a half large pieces. She says no.

TALIESIN: May I give you all of it?

MATT: "Yes."

TALIESIN: Thank you for taking care of him. I remove my coat, just the things, just wearing the things I wore when I was working in the grove. Quietly I find a quiet space and I take everything in the box and as close as I can get to the heat before it really hurts, and I--

MATT: It hurts.

TALIESIN: Then I'll take a little damage.

MATT: Okay. And you place them within?

TALIESIN: I do.

MATT: As the shards of refined residuum touch the flames, you feel a fear well up inside you, almost like you're expecting the glass to begin to melt. And most people would. Instead, you watch as they almost begin to... burn. The flames beginning to catch around them. Glass should not ignite, but flames do crawl across their surface. Burning brighter, the magma there. Orange, yellow, white. You have to almost wince, and about 15 minutes of this intense heat causes you to step back and just trust in the faith. Then the light begins to subside, and they've changed a bit. The shape of them is less like a piece of glass and more like a crystal that has grown roots. The coloration which was once dark and green now is purplish in hue. It's beautiful. Mysterious. Definitely changed. To what full nature, you don't understand, but you remember the dream you had, the vision you had, and a sense of peace and accomplishment washes over you.

TALIESIN: Can I grab it?

MATT: You can take a set of the tongs from the edge of the forge that aren't in use, and as you're doing this, you can see three of them up there on the Underforge in the process of taking the iceflex and hammering it through and folding it and pressing it in, and pushing the pieces together, and then refolding, and re-engraving lost runes, and it's beautiful, but they're so entranced by it. There's like a weird energy that seems to be driving them on past the point of a normal individual's exhaustion would take them. This forge seems to inherently instill, energize, and provide the... will to create great things. As you take the tongs and release them one by one, they are cool to the touch.

TALIESIN: I have five of them now? Or just one.

MATT: Five. There's four of them, and there's like a smaller one, it's about half the size, but they were all transformed in the same way. Like a potato that's been left in the pantry too long and has grown the various roots that stretch out, but made of purple crystal.

TALIESIN: I'm going to gather them up and take them back to the others.

LAURA: Magical old potatoes.

MATT: Does anyone else wish to do anything?

LIAM: Is it about midday at this point after our shenanigans?

MATT: We'll say at this point it's getting close to night.

LIAM: Are businesses still open out there?

MATT: You guys are in the forge.

LIAM: Oh, we traveled out here?

MARISHA: We fast traveled.

LIAM: Sorry, I was reading all the shit.

MATT: No, I skipped ahead for the purposes of, you know-- not too much would've happened there anyway and I want to get us to a point of--

LIAM: Could I retroactively have dived into-- kept an eye out for a paper store on the way out, to get my supplies?

MATT: Sure. Yeah, they have supplies, there are arcane practitioners.

LIAM: Okay, I don't want to drag us down recreating that over and over again. So then, forget that, I was reading, as I'm wont to do. You seem frustrated. (laughter) Fjord.

TRAVIS: Me?

LIAM: Yeah. You shouldn't, though, you know. I get where you're at, you are figuring shit out. You'll figure it out.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I hope so. I'm not particularly frustrated, more curious. Not impatient, either. I just want to be able to help and not hinder.

LIAM: Yeah, it's very clear that you're feeling a little less than, and I think that's foolish, I don't think you need to. I think you're going to find your way again. Just give it some time. You know, this book that we got is, uh... it's not really my thing, but you might find it interesting reading. Take a look at it, and you know, peruse the pages a bit, if it's not for you, check with the rest of the group and see if they'd like it, but I think it's meant for you, perhaps.

TRAVIS: The book is?

LIAM: I hand it over to him, and then I head off to start transcribing some spells.

MATT: All right.

LIAM: During all that.

TRAVIS: All right.

LIAM: That's it for me.

MATT: All right. Anyone else?

MARISHA: I got a bottle of whiskey in Bazzoxan in case Nott flew off the handle, that we haven't we touched, if anybody wants to, you know, celebrate.

TALIESIN: I'll watch.

MICA: I'm in.

MARISHA: Jess? Nott?

LAURA: Oh, I'll definitely sit there.

MARISHA: Not going to drink?

LAURA: Mm-mm.

MARISHA: You're drinking with me though, right? Okay, thank god. I don't want to be alone.

LAURA: You're not alone, Beau. Even if I'm not drinking, I'm still here with you.

TALIESIN: I'm drinking with you in spirit.

MARISHA: Yeah, it's fine, I take a big swing and then hand it to Reani.

MICA: I take a big swig as well.

MARISHA: Yeah. Yeah.

SAM: No, I'm fine.

TALIESIN: Wow. That's...

SAM: I mean, we're--

TALIESIN: No, it's just that's interesting. Any particular reason? Normally you're the first one to say yes. Are you feeling fine?

SAM: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

LAURA: Just feeling so good, it's okay, she's fine.

TALIESIN: No, that's great, that's great. That's great, I'm happy to hear that. That's fantas-- I mean, to be fair, you did very well.

LAURA: You did really good.

SAM: Would've been better if I had that--

LAURA: No, you didn't need it, you know what, we didn't get that wand and it's fine, and it was fun to get out of there in a big rush. It was a sign, we needed to get out.

SAM: Would've gotten that wand, but it's all right.

LAURA: Nope, we don't need it.

SAM: That's fine.

MICA: Are you sure you don't want a drink?

LAURA: (aggressively shushing)

MICA: Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I just take another drink.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Pass it back, pass it back. Yeah.

TALIESIN: I got an interesting idea. Do you still have that note that we took from the house?

MARISHA: I do. You want to play crosswords and shit?

TALIESIN: Well, I have an interesting idea. I was trying to think of a good gift to give you for everything you've done for us. Yeah, you.

MICA: I got it.

TALIESIN: You know what that note is?

SAM: What is it?

TALIESIN: That's a super villain.

MICA: (gasps)

MARISHA: I hand you the booze and the note. Looks like they're smuggling something.

MATT: Make an intelligence check.

MICA: Oh, yay.

LAURA: Ooh.

MICA: 21.

MATT: 21.

TALIESIN: Sweet.

MATT: The initials I.J..

MICA: (gasps) Oh! Oh! I didn't write it down, but that's the one asshole, right?

MATT: The J catches your attention.

MICA: Jagentoth?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: (gasping)

MICA: Fuck. Drunkenly I'm like--

TALIESIN: Fucking Jagentoth.

MARISHA: Fucking Jagentoths.

LAURA: Wait, what?

MICA: I know, I know--

SAM: What is that, what is that?

TRAVIS: They make computers.

MICA: They're so bad.

TALIESIN: Mackerel Jagentoth.

MICA: They're these mean as a family of criminals and they've been terrorizing Uthodurn, and they've been-- they've been roughing up the patrons, and I've been fighting them.

MARISHA: Yeah, we've heard of the Jagentoths.

SAM: We have?

LAURA: We have?

MARISHA: Yeah. I think they ran amok in Rosohna? No, they've run amok, I've got it written down.

MATT: You've got it in your notes.

MARISHA: I know I do.

SAM: It's somewhere in those 84 pages.

MARISHA: It's in one of these books. Hang on, was it all the way back in Zadash? Give me a minute. Give me a minute.

SAM: What do you know about them, Reani?

MICA: They-- they steal, and they-- they-- they terrorize people in Uthodurn. These weren't the ones that brought back-- that go to the Savalirwoods, were they?

MATT: Well, they hail from somewhere south of there, yes.

LAURA: (gasping)

MARISHA: Hang on, hang on.

MATT: Not the ruins of Molaesmyr, but they do occasionally attempt to--

MARISHA: Can I do a roll for this? So I'm not searching through my notes.

MATT: Well, you're a member of the Cobalt Soul. I was going to see if you wanted to find it and have that epiphany, as the note taker.

MARISHA: I know it's in here, I know.

LAURA: God, that's so hard to find anything.

MATT: It was over a year ago.

SAM: Oh, I got it!

MARISHA: It was over a year ago?

SAM: It's Shadycreek Run, Jagentoths, in some place called North Clover, the Savalirwood. It's the cursed woods. Slavers.

LAURA: They are slavers!

ALL: (shouting)

MARISHA: They were slavers!

LAURA: I knew they were slavers.

MARISHA: They fucked with Lorenzo and shit, right? Didn't they work with him? They were the rival family that hired Lorenzo and the Iron Fucks.

MATT: Yep.

SAM: The Iron Shepherds.

MARISHA: The Iron Shepherds, that's right.

MATT: They were the ones that were shipping the relics, including the first orb of Uk'otoa that you found.

MARISHA: That's right.

MATT: That was set in the--

LAURA: Oh, we really should've taken their other stuff. We should've cleared them out.

TALIESIN: Hey, you got a super villain.

MICA: They want me so dead, but I'm going to fight 'em.

TALIESIN: And you've got proof now.

MICA: I have proof now, and I can track them. Thank you.

TALIESIN: Hey.

MICA: Wait, will you give me one more present?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MICA: Will you come back to visit?

SAM: (sighs happily)

MARISHA: Yeah, why else do you think I spent 2000 gold on that teleportation circle?

MICA: For books and stuff?

MARISHA: No, we like you.

LAURA: We like you a lot.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we do.

MICA: You guys are the first family I've had other than Landon. Umi doesn't count because he's busy all the time, and I'm busy all the time, and Fen doesn't count anymore, but I like you guys.

LAURA: We like you, too.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MICA: Pinky promise?

LAURA: Pinky promise forever!

MICA: Yay. Thanks. Before all of them leave, I want to craft new flower crowns for them.

MARISHA: Aww.

MATT: Certainly.

MICA: I promised myself I wouldn't cry, you guys.

MARISHA: Aww. No!

MICA: I know.

TALIESIN: I have one last thing I'd like to do with Caleb, also, if you've got a second.

LIAM: You got to interrupt him.

TALIESIN: Do you have a moment?

LIAM: Uh--

SAM: He's playing Words With Friends.

(laughter)

LIAM: Ja.

TALIESIN: I show him the small purple crystal. What's this look like to you? What do you see?

LIAM: A crystal very similar in hue to you?

TALIESIN: Can you get any sense of it, what it might be?

MATT: Roll an arcana check.

LIAM: Yeah. Balls. 13.

MATT: You have never encountered this. The one thing about it that you do notice as a transmutation wizard is that transmutation that happened there doesn't make sense. Which means this might be a little out of your depth.

LIAM: Sorry.

TALIESIN: No, it's okay, that's an answer. I think I know what it is anyway.

LIAM: What do you think?

TALIESIN: I think it's the head of a hero.

LIAM: Small.

TALIESIN: Aren't we all. Or at least, aren't all of you. I won't bother you again, good luck with that thing.

LIAM: All right, tall boy.

TALIESIN: (chuckles) Bye Caleb.

TRAVIS: If Caleb-- sorry.

MATT: You do recall that there are two parts to that vision.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. Yes, I do.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: If Caleb gave me that book, and it was a two-day travel back to the kiln, could I say that I've spent most of the trip reading it and trying to absorb its contents, and you know, just spending time with it? As part of an effort, not--

MATT: I could say you can begin to.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Because it takes a while to read through.

TRAVIS: I'm also not great at reading on horseback.

MATT: Yeah. This would be goatback.

TRAVIS: Goatback, yes, even better.

MATT: Because you're going through the mountains.

TRAVIS: Could I also try to take Beau up on some of her morning exercises on the way?

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: Does not go well in the beginning, but the effort is what counts.

MARISHA: I don't want to make you puke. You'll probably puke.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I puked.

MARISHA: Oh, sorry.

TRAVIS: As I see Caduceus go off to perform his meditation, I've seen him do that before. I don't want to bother him. Can I go off into my own corner and try to trace like a circle in the soil and...

MATT: Like on the outside of the sanctum?

TRAVIS: Yeah, just make my own little space, circle, and sit in the soil, and--

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Try to--

MATT: The sun has set by this point, and it is cold, so you need to bring some furs to bundle up a bit, but you find similar to almost the first point of communion that you made with Caduceus, last time you were at the sanctum. You can find a similar place, clear it out, and attempt your own.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: And just silently try to talk to the Wildmother, if she's listening.

MATT: Okay. You close your eyes and you think. Thoughts, wishes, questions. It's cold, you shiver a bit, and you yawn. You focus, and you get this strange sensation like your body is floating, like a sensory deprivation tank. Your sense of physical self begins to just tingle and fade. Eyes still closed. You feel these feelings envelop you like a warm bath. Your body floating atop a heated ocean and gentle waves. Peace finds your mind with the familiar smells of salt and brine, the sound of seagulls in the air around you. Broken surf crashing on a shore somewhere. You open your eyes, and as opposed to the mountainside, you're looking up at a clear blue sky, not a cloud around. You try and focus, just blue, impossibly wide blue. And you see something. Is it a cloud or...? It's a face. The faint tracings of a face, eyes, and a nose, a mouth, but on a scale that consumes the entire blue sky above you. It's almost unsettling, but it's soft, maternal. It's like a trick of the eye, but there it is. You swear you see it smile. These feelings wash into your mind, your heart, emotions and images conveying ideas and communication wordlessly, as if to say, "You have been lost, caught in a dark current, an undertow. These depths seed you with an alien wound, too deep to heal, and leave your mind a torrent. Fear, love, pursuit for self-worth. You found my gaze through chance, through deed. Through company. These waters are your home, and always have been. These waters are me, and I am them. I am the lands that rise from them, I am the trees that bind them, I am the beasts that keep them. This seed of darkness," and you look down, and you can feel this black rock, this coal that is chilled within your chest. "This seed I cannot heal, but I can help you carry the burden. I can free you from the fiend that feeds, if you would but protect all that is me. Will you walk my lands, swim my shores, and guide my children as one of my own?"

TRAVIS: Yes, yes, I would.

MATT: The smile widens. "Then embrace me, my boon is yours. It is our nature to adapt. Come," and you feel tendrils of kelp and seaweed begin to rise from the warm water beneath you, and wrap around you, and tie, and bind, and your heart rate begins to jump. They're still warm, but it's beginning to cut the light off as your face begins to be blanketed, and you feel yourself being pulled beneath the waters. Do you struggle?

TRAVIS: No.

MATT: Anyone else wish to do anything?

SAM: Oh!

LIAM: Surprise, motherfucker.

LAURA: Oh fuck.

MARISHA: What do you mean?

LAURA: It's like Uk'otoa in disguise. Yes. I'm going to find Reani.

MICA: Oh.

LAURA: And--

MATT: Reani is drinking with Beauregard.

MICA: Yes.

MATT: They're both a little tipsy.

MARISHA: You changed your mind!

LAURA: No.

MARISHA: Oh.

LAURA: But I've written a little note in my colored inks that my mama gave me, and I drew Reani a picture, and my note says, "Life is all about balance. You can't live in black and white. Everything is a beautiful color of gray. Trust yourself. You know what is good. Love, Jester and the Traveler." I'm going to put that note inside my book of pastry recipes that I bought, and I'm going to give it to Reani, because I know you love how to cook and bake and all of the wonderful things.

MICA: Tipsily, I shove it into my belt. Thank you.

LAURA: You're welcome.

MICA: Then I have one last thing that I want to do. Bolstered by a little bit of whiskey, I want to shuffle over to Beau, and I want to like-- reminiscent of hot boy Essek-- looking down at the floor, I just want to Druidcraft a little rose, and I'll slide it over, like, I'm not-- I'm not good at this, but you said that you wanted to come back and visit, and you spent a lot of money to come see me, (quietly) so I thought that I--

MARISHA: (loudly) What?

MICA: You said-- (gasps) (exhales) (squeakily) You spent money so you could come back and see me. And I'm not good at this, but... I think you're pretty.

MARISHA: I grab the back of her neck and I kiss her.

ALL: (exclaiming)

MICA: Reani definitely responds.

(laughter)

MICA: Very drunkenly, and is super happy.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Just kind of look over at Jester.

LAURA: I'm out, I was just--

TALIESIN: I'm the only one watching this right now. I think Nott and I are watching this at this point.

LAURA: All of us are in this room. Yeah, we'll give you some privacy.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: We'll turn away.

LAURA: No, we'll get out of the room.

MARISHA: We'll take a walk.

MICA: We'll take a walk.

SAM: I'll turn invisible.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Everywhere we go. How does she do that? Everywhere we go.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: She gets so much action.

TALIESIN: I know, she's just--

LAURA: Like, my mama could learn something from Beau.

(laughter)

MATT: All right, you guys go ahead and take a walk.

MARISHA: I just grab Reani by the hip, pull her in as we walk away.

MICA: Like a drunken sorority girl, I'm like yay.

(laughter)

MICA: Hobbling, stumbling.

MATT: Okay. Anything else, guys?

TALIESIN: What else is there to say?

LIAM: Sure, I got a little minor thing. Exhausted from transcribing and studying all day. Have a seat.

SAM: Me?

LIAM: Yeah, have a seat.

SAM: What?

LIAM: I know you're in here, I saw you bamf out.

SAM: Yeah, I'm right here.

LIAM: Sit down.

SAM: I'm right here.

LIAM: Yeah, you're talking at me, I know you're right there. You have not been drinking so much the last couple days.

SAM: That's not-- I mean, we've been traveling.

LIAM: Yeah?

SAM: Yeah.

LIAM: Yeah, I watch you sometimes. You're drinking less.

SAM: Yeah, just the last couple days, not a thing, though. We just haven't been in a fight.

LIAM: Maybe it's okay if you're drinking less. Maybe it's okay if you are, but maybe it's okay if you stop, or drink less.

SAM: Are we having this conversation right now? Listen, I-- (sighs) All right.

LIAM: Your family is safe. You're with people who care about you. You're alive. Some fucker is not, where we came from. And you know, you work fine when you have not had a drink, and I understand why you're escaping into it. I understand.

SAM: I don't know if you do. I mean, I appreciate your sentiment, and, you know, Jester's talked to me about this, and Fjord's talked to me about this. I think-- I don't want to burden you with my problems, but for me-- listen, I view myself as, whether you want it or not, I view myself as a bit of a protector to you, and in all honesty, to the others, too, as we've gotten closer, and... well, for a long time, when we were traveling together, I sort of viewed myself as your shield. I protected you so that you could go on your journey and find yourself and fulfill your quest. I feel like I've got to do that for everyone now, because, I don't know, deep down inside, it feels like my quest might not be done until everyone else has figured out who they are and what they want in this world. Everyone's seeking something, you know? So I feel like I need to be there to protect you all, to rescue you when there's a dragon about to kill you and use my body as a shield, or to pull Beauregard out of the mouth of a worm, or to catch you when someone falls with a Featherfall spell. But here's the thing: it's really scary to do all those things, and to go out in the front, and to look for traps, and to disarm things, and to scout ahead and steal things from terrible lairs, and it's scary, and I don't-- I don't have-- I know you all have my back. I know you all care for me. But no one has my front. So this flask that I drink from, it's not for fun. I'm not taking nips because I'm looking for fun. If I wanted fun, I'd be in Nicodranas with my family. This flask is my shield. It allows me to do these things. To go forward, and to protect all of you. And I'm fine giving it up, as long as you people can find me something else that can protect me as much as it does.

LIAM: How can you protect us if you are not protecting yourself?

SAM: There's a bit of a trade-off. But... I just worry that I won't be able-- I won't be brave without it.

LIAM: You don't have to be brave alone. I am not, without you, Nott. I've been traveling with you for a long time for a reason. These people are traveling with you for a reason. You're not alone, and what I am asking you to do, even though I cannot see you, is to trust us. And we will trust you even more if you have that kind of faith in the group. Listen, I don't have faith in much at all. I don't have faith in myself either, but I do have faith in this group. It's a closed circle, and I just don't want one of the links in the chain to shatter, you know? And I'm a terrible person to judge anyone, and I am not judging you. I just have seen what you can do, and I know it has nothing to do with what is in that flask of yours. Take that for what it's worth. If you are swirling booze tomorrow, I will still be your best friend and be with you. But I'll probably be scrambling one less time a day, you know? Maybe it'll take some time.

SAM: I appreciate it.

LIAM: I really wish I could see you right now.

SAM: Yeah, I don't know. I don't.

LIAM: Well, I understand, I get that.

SAM: I'll think about what you said, but... I don't-- I'll think about what you've said. And I'm sorry if I disappoint you again.

LIAM: Nott the Brave. Maybe we both are messes, but at least we're messes together.

SAM: While he can't see me, I'm going to take a small sip of whiskey, and slowly wipe my mouth, and then say, I'll try to make you proud.

LIAM: You already do.

LAURA: Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Hmm?

LAURA: I think Caleb is going crazy.

TALIESIN: I just rolled a 28 perception, 27 perception roll.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

TALIESIN: Would I have known that Caleb was talking to Nott?

MATT: Roll a stealth check.

SAM: My voice is still able to be heard.

(laughter)

MATT: You're not in the same chamber, right?

TALIESIN: No, no, they're-- just watching, though.

LAURA: Yeah, we're just watching.

TALIESIN: We were far enough away I wouldn't have heard you.

MATT: You guys have different rooms in the sanctum.

LIAM: Yeah, I'm sorry, I had assumed it was private time.

MATT: I assumed it was, too. I assumed it was, too. I would say that you could maybe have heard Caleb talking and like, maybe looked in and saw nothing, I would say that you probably--

TALIESIN: I've been trying to sit and listen as much as possible, it's kind of my-- but yeah-- I just rolled something because I was curious what my perception might've been.

MATT: You gather there's probably a conversation going on, but you haven't looked.

TALIESIN: You think Caleb's going crazy.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Why?

LAURA: Oh, because he's just talking to himself so much.

TALIESIN: I think he's talking to Nott.

LAURA: Oh, that makes so much more sense.

TALIESIN: You okay?

LAURA: Me?

TALIESIN: Yeah, you.

LAURA: Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm always fine.

TALIESIN: Well... nobody's always fine.

LAURA: That's a lie, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: You do a lot.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I don't think you necessarily get as much credit as you deserve, as often as you should. You deserve more pastries.

LAURA: (laughs) Everybody deserves more pastries.

TALIESIN: Yeah, but you do.

LAURA: Thanks, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: We'll be figuring out your Traveler Con soon enough.

LAURA: Yeah, we're going to work it out. It's going to be really cool, right?

TALIESIN: You got a good crew for it, so.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: We're here for you.

LAURA: Thank you.

TALIESIN: Thank you. I don't even know how to tell you what this has meant. I don't know, he is looking a little weird though, isn't he?

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: It's a nice coat, though.

LAURA: He's looking so clean lately.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Hmm. We really out of cupcakes?

LAURA: Oh, no, no, I have some in my bag.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: Eventually you find yourself in comfort in your own evening space, and as you're walking back, a familiar voice comes to you and says, "He's right, you know. You deserve all the cupcakes, Jester."

LAURA: (laughs) Thank you.

MATT: "No, thank you."

LAURA: I left a dick.

SAM: (laughs)

LAURA: In lots of places, and your figure is taunting a big ancient white dragon.

MATT: "(laughs) Never been more proud."

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: Eventually, sleep comes to you all, in various... ways.

(laughter)

MATT: Jeez. The morning comes. As you all slowly come to consciousness, a voice rings out amongst the sanctum. "It's done! By the might of the Allhammer, it's fucking done!" You all come to consciousness abruptly, except for you.

SAM: Oh god.

LAURA: What?

MATT: You all come out into the sanctum. You can see Khemdal is asleep in a chair. You can see that Deilin is asleep off to the side, curled in the corner, and there is a sleepless, kind of manic-looking Umagorn holding a single blade.

SAM: Whoa.

MATT: You see the thick longsword, almost broadsword type of blade length with runes in a groove down the center, the metal silver with a slight blue shimmer to it, akin to the coloration of iceflex.

LAURA: Wow.

MATT: Where the break once was, the lines are still there. The lines have been continued to almost have this marbled look to it.

SAM: Nice.

MATT: He goes, "Ah! This-- Tyla, Tyla! Tyla!" He starts yelling out, he's looking like, eyes huge bags under there, and he's just like sweating. Eventually Tyla comes out and goes like, "Right, can I help you? Oh, it's done? I should start carving." She goes and runs off and grabs her tools and finds a place amongst the iron strips along the walls and begins chiseling in the scribed memory, historical record of this artifact's creation, or recreation, amongst the other many names and stories of what has been built here within the sanctum since its inception. As you all stumble out in your various states, no Fjord.

LAURA: Where's Fjord?

MARISHA: Probably just sleeping in.

SAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: I'll look around.

LAURA: Go look for him?

MARISHA: Check on him.

MATT: Take a little while, there's no sign of him on the inside of the sanctum.

TALIESIN: I'm going to go check outside.

MATT: You go outside, fresh snowfall through the night. You see snow, soft powder, and there's a bit of a dome where you guys had had your previous conversation.

TALIESIN: I brush it off.

MATT: You brush off the snow, and there's like, a hard textured dark coloration. It's frozen seaweed.

TALIESIN: Huh.

LAURA: What the shit!

TALIESIN: Interesting.

LAURA: What is that?! Caduceus?

TALIESIN: This is unusual.

LAURA: Can I go up and look at it?

MATT: Yeah. It's like someone had layered seaweed after seaweed after seaweed, and it's tangled and messed like a net, and it is frozen solid.

LAURA: What is this doing out here?

TALIESIN: Going to take one of the purple crystals, and try and push it into the frozen seaweed.

MATT: It pushes in. It's like ice.

TALIESIN: It's not cutting through?

MATT: No.

LAURA: Should we-- what is it? What's in here? Is Fjord in here?!

TALIESIN: I mean--

MARISHA: Is it vaguely Fjord-shaped? Is it like a Pompeii body?

MATT: No, it's like a dome, about six and a half, seven feet wide, and it's like a weird button shape.

LIAM: Is Wilford Brimley in there?

MATT: Probably.

LAURA: Hello? Are you in here? Can you hear us?

TALIESIN: Start pulling it aside, maybe if we bring the sword--

LIAM: Can you break a piece off?

MATT: You begin to pull and tear, and parts do break off, and the more you break off, the softer it gets the further in, until eventually, it's like a soft liquid-- or not liquid layer, but like an actual kelp-type texture. Eventually you pull through, and you find flesh.

LIAM: Living?

MATT: Half-orc, living flesh.

SAM: Is it naked?

MATT: No, it is not.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Is he breathing?

MATT: You pull apart--

LAURA: Does he feel warm?

MATT: It is warm.

LIAM: Let's get him out of here.

LAURA: Fjord?

LIAM: Pull him out, pull him out.

SAM: We should take his clothes off.

LAURA: Why should we take his clothes off?

SAM: They're covered in kelp.

LAURA: I mean, we probably should just take the clothes off.

SAM: I think we should.

MATT: All right, you take off Fjord's clothes.

LAURA: No.

(laughter)

MATT: No. But you pull the rest of the seaweed off of his body, and he's breathing, and you slowly start coming to consciousness. You're weirdly sore, but sturdier. It's hard to describe. You see Fjord come awake and sit up out of the mass of tendrils.

TRAVIS: Hi.

LAURA: Are you cold? Do you want to get inside?

SAM: Are you okay?

TRAVIS: Yes.

LAURA: What were you doing in a--

LIAM: Why are you out here?

SAM: What happened? Do you like bread?

TRAVIS: In general?

SAM: Nevermind.

MARISHA: Your accent's back.

TRAVIS: No, it's a force of habit, I'm sorry.

MARISHA: Oh. Freaked me out for a second.

LIAM: What's the last thing you remember?

TRAVIS: Well, I came outside to meditate, in the way that Caduceus showed me.

LAURA: Does he look different?

MATT: He looks a little stockier.

MARISHA: (gasps)

SAM: How about his teeth?

MARISHA: Did he Spider-Man this shit?

LAURA: Oh my god, did you Captain America Fjord?

MARISHA: Oh my god!

SAM: What superhero did he do?

MARISHA: What did you do?

SAM: Did you Wolverine this?

MATT: He's-- it's not overt, but he looks a little-- where once there was a scrawny Fjord, he's slightly less scrawny.

MARISHA: Do you gain muscle that quickly from our two workouts?

TALIESIN: Kelp diet.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I'm pretty sore, actually, all over.

TALIESIN: Well--

MARISHA: I punch him in the arm.

MATT: It hurts.

TRAVIS: Ow.

MARISHA: Hurts me or him?

MATT: Him.

MARISHA: Oh, sorry.

TRAVIS: Fuck!

MARISHA: I don't know. Did I notice anything?

MATT: A little more resistance than you're used to.

TRAVIS: Lactic acid.

LIAM: Can't you read his shit?

MARISHA: I can read his shit. Well, I have to Flurry of Blows him.

TALIESIN: We have a gift for you inside.

LAURA: Come inside.

SAM: Maybe.

LAURA: Have a nice cup of tea.

TRAVIS: Yeah, sure. God, it's fucking cold out here.

LIAM: Yes, we've been telling you to come inside, Fjord. Come inside.

TRAVIS: I've been out here all night?

SAM: Did you do this to yourself?

TRAVIS: Kind of look around and take stock.

MATT: You see the nest-like circular layer of seaweed around you.

TRAVIS: Are you asking me if I built a nest of--

SAM: Yes.

TRAVIS: No?

TALIESIN: That seems to be the obvious answer.

TRAVIS: I had a dr--.

LAURA: Uh?

TRAVIS: I did have a dream that I was back out amongst the ocean and that there was... seaweed.

MARISHA: Is he back?

TRAVIS: I don't know. There was a voice. It was a new voice. Similar to the one that I heard.

TALIESIN: Hmm.

TRAVIS: It said I would never be rid of the darkness that had been left inside, but this new voice sounded warm, inviting. She sounded like she wanted to help, if I would help in her name. And I said yes, but that was...

MARISHA: Do something.

TRAVIS: Do what?

MARISHA: I don't know, just think about something and do something.

SAM: Make your falchion appear or something.

TRAVIS: I don't have my-- I'll try to summon the falchion.

MATT: Nothing.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: Make water shoot from your hands.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: What are you trying to do?

SAM: Make water shoot from his hands.

MATT: Water does not shoot from your hands.

TRAVIS: Sorry.

MATT: (laughs)

LIAM: No demon monkey, no nothing?

LAURA: Try to disguise your face like you used to.

TRAVIS: Like what?

LIAM: Make yourself look like Nott.

TRAVIS: I'm a big Nott!

MATT: You watch as his entire body shimmers into a larger, thicker version of Nott the Brave.

SAM: Oh!

LAURA: Aah!

TRAVIS: (shouting)

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Drop it. (whoosh) Big Nott. (shouting) (clapping)

MARISHA: Yeah, that's good, that's good!

LAURA: You got some powers back.

TRAVIS: Okay, okay, okay.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay, what else, okay, okay.

SAM: Wait, Eldritch Blast?

LAURA: (gasps)

TRAVIS: No.

LAURA: Try it, try it, try it!

TALIESIN: I don't think so.

TRAVIS: I look out over the cliff side, and I will look at Nott and say, (Texan accent) Eldritch Blast.

SAM: Ooh, yee-haw!

(laughter)

MATT: Energy gathers within his palm, but as opposed to the dull sickly green coloration, this has a deeper verdant tint to it as it fires out, (imitating impacts) two blasts.

TRAVIS: Oh!

TALIESIN: (laughs) Wow.

TRAVIS: (panting)

TALIESIN: That's interesting.

LIAM: Stella got her groove back.

LAURA: I'm really proud of you, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Fucking seaweed wraps are the shit!

(laughter)

MATT: Umagorn stumbles out into the snow, is like, "I thought everyone would be more excited. I spent all night working on this."

ALL: (clamoring)

TRAVIS: We should go inside. What the fuck, who took my shirt off?

SAM: Oh, I mean--

LAURA: Here, have it back.

TRAVIS: Let's go inside.

LAURA: You were wet, and it's--

(laughter)

SAM: Didn't know if we needed to resuscitate you and rub your chest.

TRAVIS: I feel well looked after. Should we head inside?

LIAM: The sword's finished.

MATT: Yeah, Umagorn's like, "Aye, it is," and he holds it up, and you can see the blade is beautiful.

TALIESIN: Well.

SAM: Fjord, do you want to hold it?

TRAVIS: (laughs, stammers) Caduceus, it's your sword.

TALIESIN: No, it's definitely not.

LIAM: Who else here is going to use a sword?

LAURA: You do need a new sword.

TALIESIN: It was waiting for you.

LAURA: It almost looks like water.

TRAVIS: Would you mind?

TALIESIN: This is what we're here for.

LIAM: There are no accidents, correct, Caduceus?

TALIESIN: Never, just delightful mistakes. I'm going to hand you the sword. Embrace your destiny.

MARISHA: (As Matt hands Travis the info sheet for the sword.) Ooh.

SAM: That's a big piece of paper.

TALIESIN: Wow!

MARISHA: That's a lot of text.

MATT: And that's where we'll end tonight's episode.

ALL: (shouting)

MATT: I know it went a little long, but I feel like it was worth it.

TALIESIN: Worth it!

(laughter)

MATT: We'll pick up from there in two weeks.

LIAM: Awesome.

MATT: Because we got a week off.

MARISHA: Reani!

MATT: Reani.

LAURA: You were so wonderful!

MARISHA: Don't cry; it's not over! It's not the end.

SAM: It's over forever.

MATT: You're a terrible person.

LAURA: And you got laid.

MICA: I know!

(laughter)

MATT: Wait, is that canon?

MARISHA: I got a rose.

SAM: They spent some time together. Who knows, who knows.

TRAVIS: Pure speculation.

MATT: There you go.

SAM: Speculations.

TALIESIN: Sex on graph paper.

MATT: Thank you for joining us.

LAURA: It was so much fun.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MICA: I'm sorry, I'm an emotional bitch.

(laughter)

MATT: Girl-- The internet's watched all of us cry many times on the internet. This just makes you even more a part of the family, really. (laughs)

MICA: I'm going to cry so much tonight.

TALIESIN: I get a day of extra life for every tear, so I'm good.

(laughter)

MICA: See me crying during everybody's speeches. You're going to live forever.

TALIESIN: Oh man.

MATT: We already knew that.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

(laughter)

MATT: Anyway, thank you so much for joining us. It's been amazing.

MARISHA: You have to keep hanging out with us.

MICA: Okay. (laughter) I'll just live under the table. It's fine.

MATT: Thank you guys for joining us tonight. Don't forget, next Thursday is the Vox Machina wedding of Percival and Vex'ahlia. Check it out in the interim. We'll be back in two weeks. We'll see you then. Don't forget, we love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night.

(dramatic music)