Transcript:CelebriD&D with Joe Manganiello

MATT: Night after night, the visions come: sand and stone, teeth and blood, a relic long locked away by a zealot's hand, a golden wreath of many gemstones: ruby, sapphire, emerald, diamond and onyx. Arkhan's dreams reveal these messages from his patron, his divine mistress, dreams that he believes reveal a holy imperative that she has gifted upon him.

JOE: I am Joe Manganiello and I'm Arkhan the Cruel, the red Dragonborn Oathbreaker Paladin and worshipper of Tiamat.

(intro logo)

JOE: I was a hired killer who joined a monastery to try to stop the the drinking and killing. And somewhere along the way, I wound up breathing fire into a dark room, which turned out to be a group of unsuspecting, sleeping, goblin soldiers, and when I heard them screaming and running in flames, I'd never felt so alive in my life. And so started drinking and killing again and worshipping Five-Headed Dragon Goddesses and here we are.

MATT: There you have it.

MARISHA: It's very rock and roll.

JOE: It's just my life.

MATT. Arkhan. Your research has brought you months of frustration, until you crossed paths with the knowing monk of the Cobalt Reserve named Duan, extracting his understanding of ancient seals and forgotten artifacts of the gods. This gave you the name of the cavern that bears your mark, the Vault of Shumas, within the Aggrad Mountains of Marquet. Knowing rumor of the dangers within, you've hired a small band of mercenaries to accompany you into the depths of this vault. Jessica, would you like to introduce your character?

JESSICA: I am The Headmistress, a level five human monk. My parents abandoned me at a monastery. I'm really bitter about it; super pissed, actually. Don't want to be here. I think all these bitches suck and I'm pretty much just out for things for myself.

TALIESIN: I'm Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, the human gunslinger, and I'm out for a bit of inspiration, pre-stream. It's like an Origins issue.

MARISHA: Hi, I'm Keyleth of the Air Ashari, doing a bit of a time jump back to when I was good ol' level five. I'd say Percy and I are taking a little bit of a vacation. It's a working vacation, but it's a vacation. And, it's a little pre-stream adventure.

DAN: The names Dupont Dupont, dwarven rogue. If there's coin to be had, I'll be there. You might know me as Mr. Steal-your-girl, but you should know me as Mr. Cut-your-purse.

MATT: After days of travel on the north side of the Marquet desert, and entering the Aggrad Mountains, a few days of camping finally bring you to what the maps tell you is the entrance way to the Vault of Shumas. Now, you're now standing in the unforgiving sun of the Marquet sky, cloudless and angry. Before you is the great stone, sand-covered door of the vault. There is no visible mechanism to open it.

DAN: Well this seems to be my area of expertise. Being a dwarf, I'm going to investigate. Being a rogue, I'm going to see if there's some sort of hidden mechanism.

MATT: All right, go ahead and roll an investigation check.

DAN: Ooo, let's see. Ten, a big ten. Come on, low DC.

MARISHA: Double digits, what's up?

MATT: You push away some of the sand on the door, revealing a faint, detailed design carved across the entirety of its surface. It resembles a mass of snakes knotting themselves together for feet and feet and feet, until it reaches the top of the mountain. Deep within the center of this mass is a single human face, male, screaming, and his mouth seems to be a small porthole of some kind, about four inches across.

JESSICA: Wow, this looks awfully familiar in my teachings at the monastery.

MARISHA: What kind of church did you go to?

JESSICA: Oh, it's just, you know. It's good to know a lot of things. Can I... yeah...

MATT: What are you trying to do?

JESSICA: I'm trying to... I don't know really, but I'm trying to open the fucking door.

TALIESIN: Could there be some sort of keyhole, or perhaps does it look more like an inset goes into it?

MATT: It's roughly about that big around. It looks like either something can be placed into it or pulled out of it. You're not entirely certain. You just now, thanks to Dupont Dupont, realize its existence.

DAN: It's a screaming snake face with a fist hole.

TALIESIN: This has got a very dangerous sort of Goonies vibe to it. Dupont, you should put your fist inside, see what happens.

DAN: Alright.

JOE: (laughs) That was easy.

TALIESIN: Don't, stop, that looks dangerous, he thought to himself.

JESSICA: You sure you wanna do that? Can I roll a Wisdom to see if anything clicks in my mind where he shouldn't put his hand in there, like maybe this is more of a magical...

MATT: Go ahead and roll an Investigation check.

DAN: What do they teach about snakes in fae schools at the Academy?

TALIESIN: Always put your fist in them.

JESSICA: Ah ha, that's shit Dan, sorry.

MATT: As far as you're concerned, it's super safe.

DAN: Ah, your god smiles upon this.

JESSICA: Oh you're fine Dan, you're fine.

JOE: Can't Detect Traps, anything? No? .....(5:48) I'm not that much emotionally invested, for me. I'm just trying to help you out.

MATT: (interview) I have played with Joe before. I didn't quite realize to an extent of how much of a Dungeons and Dragons lineage he comes from. A lot of people I get a chance to play with who are in the entertainment industry, are either relatively new, or wanting to be introduced to it. He's from old stock. He's been doing this for a while. So, we had an absolute great time with the first time we had a chance to play, and this is just a continuation of that awesome experience.

DAN: Look you're paying the bills here. You hired us. I'll detect for traps.

JOE: Put your fist in the hole.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

MARISHA: Oh geez, you guys.

DAN: High roller over here. Looking at a big old seven.

MATT: Currently, it looks like this may be some sort of a mechanism to opening the door, but it does not appear to be trapped.

DAN: Look, it seems safe to me. I'm going to thrust thusly, and I thrust.

MATT: As your hand reaches about six or seven inches into this small gap in the door, you find that there's a singular iron rod, maybe an inch in width, that seems to act almost like a handle.

DAN: I'd like to pull.

MATT: Alright. As you wrap your fingers around and give a firm tug on the metal rod, you hear a strange shifting metallic sound and a series of small needles suddenly protrude and impale your hand on the inside of this opening.

DAN: Betrayed!

MATT: You take eight points of poison damage. And I need you to make a Constitution saving throw.

DAN: Alright, where's my Constitution...?

JESSICA: This is the worst door ever.

DAN: Great rolls in these sevens, huh? Seven plus my constitution modifier? Nine.

MATT: Alright. The immediate pain of the needles impaling into your hand. It filters through your body and as you withdraw your hand, as the needles retract, you guys hear the door suddenly shift and begin to open. As it lifts its way across the mountain surface, revealing a darkened passageway-

(Dan makes sounds of pain; laughter)

MATT: The venom does pulse through your hand as you feel it begin to course through your system. You are currently poisoned.

DAN: But not like, a cool Bane way?

MATT: No, not so much.

MARISHA: Can I do a Medicine check and see if I can ascertain if this is a natural poison?

MATT: Sure, go ahead.

MARISHA: Is it a snake venom? I bet it's a snake venom.

DAN: It's flying squirrel venom.

MARISHA: Oh, that's pretty good. What is my Medicine these days? 21.

MATT: 21. Okay, as you guys begin to walk towards the entrance way to this dark interior with no light from beyond the bit of sunlight that cascades within. You check Dupont's hand and, sure enough, the venom itself is coursing through the hand and beginning to find its way through his bloodstream. It doesn't appear to be lethal, but it is somewhat debilitating.

MARISHA: Can I go ahead and immediately make like a rough tourniquet to--

JOE: I hold her hands back. I grab his hand and I use five points from my pool to stop the poison.

MATT: You watch as the large red-scaled Dragonborn rushes over- I say rush, casually strolls over in his armor, grabs your pulsing, currently endangered hand and you watch as a sudden burst of divine warm energy kind of glows from his claw. You feel as if a sudden series of snake bites hit your hand, almost matching the pain of the poison. However, these multitudes of tiny divine dragon mouths actually draw the venom out of your bloodstream and spit it onto the sand below before the energy dissipates. You are no longer poisoned.

DAN: I prostrate myself before Tiamat.

TALIESIN: You lose an extra foot of height there by getting on your knees.

JOE: You'll become a true believer.

JOE: (interview) I was the only healer in the group. It's always tricky to get somebody who wants to play a cleric. That's always like a really specific thing. So Dupont stuck his hand- he had to take one for the team- and stick his hand in and grab the lever and in doing so, impaled himself with these poison needles that then poisoned his body and luckily, having some healer ability, healed him.

TALIESIN: Quick check, just 'cause I'm curious. What kind of other footprints are there in this hallway? A human, or snake prints of any kind?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

TALIESIN: Well, that's lovely. That's 22.

MATT: 22. As you guys go to make your way in, your human eyes, unfortunately, are not well-adapted to the dark light in this interior, so you can only really check the area immediately around the entrance right here, unless you have a torch.

TALIESIN: Do you have a torch?

DAN: Did someone say "darkvision"?

TALIESIN: No, I said torch. I did say basic standard of hearing, which apparently is a problem.

MATT: You would have a torch on you.

TALIESIN: Yeah, all right, I'll kind of take a look around. I wanted to see anything that would open the door that wouldn't mind the venom. I'm just sort of curious if that was a trap, if that was a test...

MARISHA: or maybe both.

TALIESIN: maybe both.

MATT: Looking around, you find that there are a series of footprints that lead through here, most of them humanoid, one or two that appear to be rather large and a consistent groove. However, these tracks have been untouched for a very long time. This set of dust that is beginning to accumulate on top of these places and the atmosphere inside here, which the smell already is of dry rot and burnt dust as you enter. It appears the interior has not been touched in quite some time.

JOE: Okay, so we're inside. So we're under the door now?

MATT: Yeah, you've moved underneath the door, which is partially moved up to reveal about 10 feet of height to move within, and on the inside, you see a long natural rock cavern that is very smoothly chiseled on each side, about 25 foot wide, about 40 feet tall, and as you progress forward, you can see a series of columns that line about every 20 or so feet. So the interior- this does appear to be intentionally crafted as some sort of a temple or a structure for living in worship.

JOE: Okay, and there's nothing else inside of this room, this hallway, this chamber?

MATT: Not where you're standing now. If you wish to progress further...

JESSICA: Can we check for writing or hieroglyphs or anything like that?

MATT: Sure, make a Perception check.

JESSICA: 23.

MATT: 23. Alright. As you guys move deeper and deeper down this dark hallway, you run your fingers along the wall ever so carefully to make sure to not apply too much pressure, but just feel the variations in the texture. And as you get close enough, the outskirts of Percival's torch light, you gently brush off a bit of dust and see there are symbols; not a long string, but singular, glyph-like symbols that seem to be occasionally set throughout the hallway. What languages do you know?

JESSICA: I know Common and Elven.

MATT: Okay. You do not recognize the nature of these various symbols.

TALIESIN: Have you found something, Headmistress?

JESSICA: Yes, I found some writing along the walls here, but unfortunately I don't know what it says.

TALIESIN: Anyone?

JOE: Yeah, I have Draconic.

DAN: I've got Dwarven.

TALIESIN: Celestial.

MARISHA: Primordial.

MATT: Currently, none of you are able to read this language. It looks old, and the edges of the designs are very sharp. I want to say... if you could go ahead and make a History roll.

JESSICA: History.

JESSICA: (interview) You know, not even just Joe, but just Matt, I mean everybody. They're really good, and you don't realize how good they are until you are playing with them in a group, and then it becomes really apparent how bad you are and how good they are. I gotta admit, I was extremely impressed, and also very intimidated to keep up.

JESSICA: Ah geez. Two.

DAN: It's all Common to me.

JESSICA: Obviously, I didn't study well at school.

MATT: You're finding it difficult to ascertain the nature of this language directly, but it does appear to be very old.

JESSICA: Well, shit.

JOE: Anybody else good at History? It's really not my forte.

MARISHA: It's not mine either.

TALIESIN: I'll give a roll, since I'm a reader. Where's my new History? 23.

MATT: 23, not bad. Looking at it and from your knowledge of Celestial, it gives you the inclination, because there are similar elements of these symbols, though a bit twisted and reversed. This is Abyssal.

TALIESIN: It's Abyssal, isn't it?

MARISHA: (moans concernedly)

TALIESIN: What do we know about this place?

JESSICA: Nothing.

TALIESIN: Arkhan, this is possibly more than we bargained for.

MARISHA: Do you have any idea or have you done research before you brought us here?

JOE: I don't read so much. Yeah, what do I know about this place?

MATT: What you've researched... this vault acted as a religious sanctum for an ancient civilization that existed right at the beginning of the Age of Arcanum. However, the individuals that originally lived within here were systematically slaughtered by an incursion: another religious force, that since closed and locked the vault off. This happened right before a great war called The Calamity or The Divergence. Since then, nobody really knows what resides within, and the only thing that's drawn you to this location are the visions you've had. You've seen the mountainscape, you've seen the hot desert sun. You've seen symbols that are similar to the glyphs you've seen on the wall here and the doorway that you came through. So you know you're at the right place. But as to the actual nature of the interior, you're kind of in the same place as the rest of your party.

JOE: Okay, and it's 25 feet wide-ish?

MATT: About 20, 25 foot wide for the current tunnel.

JOE: Okay, and how far can we see down the tunnel?

DAN: I have darkvision of 60 feet.

MARISHA: I have darkvision as well.

MATT: So as you guys progress forward...

TALIESIN: I think the humans will stand back with the torch.

JESSICA: Yeah, we'll just hang out with you if you don't mind.

DAN: We'll just stare as hard as we can.

TALIESIN: Thank you, Care Bears.

MATT: As you progress past these rows of cracked pillars, deeper into the darkness--

MARISHA: We're stealthy, by the way.

MATT: Okay. Then I want you guys to roll Stealth then.

DAN: Oh no. With my modifier, it's an 11. Without, it's a 1.

TALIESIN: Is it really though?

MATT: Natural one.

MARISHA: I rolled a 16.

MATT: Okay. Well, as you carefully move forward, you watch as-- by the way, a number of these pillars you see are like cracked. A few have fallen just through. Whether it be localized seismic activity or just general erosion over time, some of these interior elements that were crafted have fallen. You notice this as Dupont, looking ahead, has not realized that a large cluster of this broken marble or sandstone-like substance, smacks him in the shin with a single step, and he tumbles over onto the ground with a loud yelp.

TALIESIN: We're going to need a yelp.

DAN: (yelps) That's my dwarven yelp.

TALIESIN: That was definitely a dwarven yelp.

MARISHA: Keyleth turns around really fast and panicked.

TALIESIN: Oh for god's sakes.

DAN: All clear.

MARISHA: Did you say something?

DAN: No.

MARISHA: What did you say?

DAN: It was a stealth maneuver. Recovered. As you were. (shushes)

MARISHA: (shushes)

MATT: You both quietly--

JESSICA: I look at you like, "what the fuck is happening?"

JOE: I just started shaking my head.

TALIESIN: The hired dwarf, I believe, was just accosted by a rock.

DAN: I have a natural inclination towards stone. I'm drawn to it.

TALIESIN: I don't need to know about your personal life. That's a bit distressing. Yes, Mr. Dupont.

MATT: Progressing forward an additional 100 or so feet into this tunnel, you begin to descend into a small decline where you see a faint hint of light ahead. It appears to be sunlight in coloration. It's warm, yellow, white, and just barely touching the floor, as it appears that this incline evens out to a lower level.

MARISHA: Is the ceiling getting higher?

MATT: The ceiling appears to be rather consistent at this point in time. It's still about 40 feet high.

JOE: Alright.

TALIESIN: This is making me nervous.

MARISHA: Can I do a Nature check to try and discern how far underground we are?

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: Why would we be seeing sunlight? That's not great. 11.

MATT: You've only progressed a few hundred feet and, knowing at least the angle the mountain was in, you're the equivalent of maybe five to six hundred feet below the surface. However, where this pathway would stop and the chamber where this light seems to be coming through would be close to probably a thousand feet beneath the mountain surface.

JOE: Okay.

MARISHA: So probably not natural sunlight.

JOE: Nope.

MARISHA: Good to know.

JOE: I'd like to check for secret doors.

MARISHA: (interview) Playing with Joe was awesome. He came prepared with his own dice and his own dice box and he had stories for each one. You gotta love playing with those old school guys and they always get into it immediately. Yeah, he was great. I mean, he's welcome at at my table anytime.

MATT: Go for it. Make an Investigation check.

JOE: Hey, six.

MATT: Okay.

JOE: Not so good, but not a one.

TALIESIN: I think you figured out you having a pocket on your belt.

MATT: As your "stealthy" duo progress forward--

DAN: Ah, a bag of Sun Chips.

MATT: Arkhan, the dragonborn paladin, steps forward and begins to run his hand on the wall, similar to the ways of the monk doing it earlier, keeping a watch for something that might click in or resemble an entrance to some other avenue. Nothing seems to find your grasp as your gauntletted fingers kind of scrape across the stone surface. However, you eventually catch up to these two, who are slowly progressing, as you reach the bottom of this decline and see the interior of the next chamber. What you now see is a rectangular chamber about 80 foot by 80 foot wide, or 80 foot by 100 feet in length, and it's lit by a soft, yellow glow universally within this chamber. A wide stone about five foot in diameter appears to be set into the central ceiling portion of this chamber, with three pillars in a triangular form around the surface of the ceiling that then come to the bottom, hitting the floor of the chamber. Two of them appear to be relatively damaged, and you get the sense from some of the impacts here that perhaps the battle of the original incursion that took this temple did take a bit of a toll on a number of the bits of architecture. There are also at the base of these pillars, three obelisks about eight feet tall--just smooth, no discerning symbols or markings--that jut out of the ground at kind of various angles at the base of each of these pillars. In between the three of them, right at the center of where this stone is set in the ceiling, you see what appears to be a small quartz altar, about three feet high from the floor. There are three small concave indentations carved into the surface of this altar, with one of them, the one that's furthest away from you, being roughly twice the size of the other two.

JESSICA: (interview) That was probably my most memorable moment, other than just watching Mercer do his DM-ing because he's so ridiculously talented. I mean, it's just stupid how good he is.

TALIESIN: Fascinating.

DAN: You said there's a sort of stone hanging from the ceiling?

MATT: Oh, there's a five foot wide somewhat oval stone that is embedded in the ceiling that appears to be giving off this gentle glow.

DAN: Gotcha. Okay.

TALIESIN: Is it enough to extinguish the torch or no? Is it worth extinguishing the torch?

MATT: It would be considered low light throughout the chamber, so you wouldn't be able to make out intense detail.

JOE: And the quartz altar. Can you explain exactly what was in the top of the quartz altar?

MATT: So on the quartz altar. You see it's built in a somewhat circular fashion.

JOE: Like right underneath the oval?

MAT: Right underneath the oval. You do see three small concave insets into the top of this altar, two of which, the ones that are closest to you, are a little larger than a fist, maybe about that big around, and then the one that's furthest from you is about that wide, roughly the diameter of a basketball.

JESSICA: Am I allowed to just say eff it, go for a History check and see if I recognize this at all, just by the imagery in the room?

MATT: Sure, go ahead and make a history check.

JESSICA: For fun.

TALIESIN: Since we do know it's Abyssal.

JESSICA: 11.

MATT: 11. It's hard to tell. The obelisks' design is different than the rest of the chamber's architecture, you've noticed. Everything here seems to have a very smooth, cylindrical, almost gradual, natural feel. The obelisks are very rigid and the stone appears to be of a different material.

JESSICA: Okay, so possibly from somebody else than whoever built the temple.

JOE: How big are they?

MATT: They're about eight foot tall and about four foot wide each.

TALIESIN: I'm going to gingerly start moving towards them, looking, checking the ground for sigils, traps, just looking around as I slowly make my way.

MATT: Make an Investigation check.

TALIESIN: I'm not quite going to get under it or anything.

JESSICA: I'm going to stand right behind Percy.

TALIESIN: Wow, that's a number. 14.

MATT: 14. Okay, very carefully, stepping in the direction-- not directly to the altar, which is in the center of these three options--

TALIESIN: ...working my way and kind of coil around.

MATT: --you do not see any specific markings or portions of the ground that would make you feel that this would be dangerous or trap-upsetting.

TALIESIN: Stains on the altar?

MATT: You do not see any stains on the altar. The altar itself is coated with a very thick layer of dust. In fact, the quartz color of it, you can see at the base of it, and the top is a gentle, dull gray-brown color from the sediment that's gathered. You do notice of the obelisks: the face of each one that is facing towards the altar does have a very, very mild line across the front, a giant square line.

JOE: I'd like to use Divine Sense. I can sense good and evil, type of Fiend, Celestial, Undead or desecration or consecration.

MATT: You can sense any of those creatures, who's your types?

JOE: Fiend, Celestial, Undead, and where they are. I can also sense desecration and consecration and good and evil.

DAN: It's coming from inside the altar.

MATT: As you take a moment and close your eyes, Arkhan, you project your vision to ask for divine inspiration via Tiamat and you feel your essence expand through your closed eyes into the room in the chamber around you. You sense no particular source of a Fiendish, Undead, a living essence that would fall into the spectrum of what you can sense. However, desecration does strongly emanate from the altar in the center of the room.

JOE: Okay, so you don't have like a Detect Magic? Remove Curse?

TALIESIN: If it comes down to it.

MARISHA: I can Dispel Magic.

DAN: I can make an Arcana check on the altar.

MATT: Sure, go for it.

MARISHA: Can I assist him in any way?

MATT: Yeah, sure.

DAN: Oh Jesus Christ.

MARISHA and TALIESIN: That's cocked.

MARISHA: That's a 12... it's 14.

MATT: Yeah, we'll say it gives you advantage on the check. So go ahead and roll a second.

DAN: Thank god.

MARISHA: Come on...

(everyone makes disappointed noises)

DAN: This is the worst die in America.

MARISHA: You want another one? I've got a bag.

TALIESIN: Here you go.

DAN: This one is retired. My god.

MATT: So what'd you roll?

DAN: What did I roll? Let's just say it was an 11.

MATT: Okay. So you approach the altar, focusing strongly on its make, to see there's some sort of magical essence to it, as you can run your fingers along it to feel for any hidden grooves or any sort of inset glyphs that would mark the presence of an enchantment or some sort of element there. You hear a sudden large boom that echoes throughout the chamber. You all glance around and you watch as the grooves, these square-like insets, and each of these obelisks suddenly billow with a cloud of dust that is set off. As they all fall inwards, slamming onto the ground, sending a cloud of dust swirling around you. You instinctually begin to cough and kind of step back. As you watch a series of humanoid figures step one out of each of these three obelisks. Two appear to be human, though their features look somewhat serpentine. Their eyes are narrow, with yellow iris, slit pupils, their teeth fanged and sharp. And as they step forward, the two, the third one, across the room, opens, this human you watch, burly and covered in tattoos; thick, dark skin, muscular, and where the head would be, one large serpentine snake head. (hisses) I need you all to roll initiative.

MARISHA: Oh, that's pretty good.

JESSICA: That's pretty good.

DAN: 20.

TALIESIN: That's why you use my dice. My dice. Not the cursed dice of Wheaton. Don't even know why they bothered.

JESSICA: 20.

MATT: 20 for The Headmistress, alright.

JOE: Three.

MATT: Three.

JOE: It's alright, I'm just gonna kick back.

TALIESIN: Watch everybody. You paid us good money, we'll do our work.

MATT: Dupont.

DAN: 24. There's a plot twist.

MARISHA: 19.

MATT: 19.

TALIESIN: 17 for me.

MATT: Alrighty. So as soon as the dust begins to settle, the glow still coming from the ceiling. You watch these creatures begin to stumble out. They immediately draw these scimitar blades from their side. At the very top of the round, Dupont, you were the first to react. What are you doing?

DAN: I'd like to pull my crossbow and shoot the snake man in the face.

MATT: Go for it, go ahead and roll an attack.

DAN: Oh, Jesus, That's plus my dexterity. Plus seven. That's a ten.

MATT: A ten, okay. As you watch this creature emerge, you instinctually pull out your crossbow to fire. But seeing such a terrible entity that resembles you of a time in your childhood, you remember being being bit by a snake and the pain of the poison still pulses through your hand, though memory, and acknowledge it there. You suddenly realize snakes are scary and as you go to fire, your hand shakes ever so slightly and the crossbow fires wide. You see it splinter against one of the nearby pillars, uneffective.

DAN: Blast.

DAN: (interview) If I had to summarize a core theme for Dupont, it would just be failure: the freedom to fail repeatedly, constantly, in spite of all probability, it's like he was spitting in the face of luck itself, and then falling on his face because he slipped in his own spit.

MATT: Alright, that ends your turn. Are you gonna stay where you are? You gonna move back?

DAN: I'd like to move back. About 10 feet or so.

MATT: Okay, so you retreat further into the back of the beginning of the chamber. Alright, that brings us to Headmistress.

JESSICA: Alright, who am I closest to? Am I close to him at all?

MATT: You could get close to the snakehead individual, although you are pretty close to two of the other more humanoid creatures, and one of them would get a strike on you, should you rush past.

JESSICA: Can I grab the two? I'm gonna go for it here. Can I grab the two of them, smash their heads together, knock them out and throw them at the beast?

MATT: You can certainly try. So as The Headmistress ducks down and goes into a full sprint, she darts right between the two creatures as they're beginning to pincer towards the two of you--you and Dupont, who has backed away. You go ahead and reach out to grab both of them. Go ahead and roll an attack.

JESSICA: Okay, come on. Sixteen- where am I looking here? (counting) So 23.

MATT: Okay, roll the second attack.

MARISHA: God, that's good!

JESSICA: 12.

MATT: Plus 7. 19. Yeah, both of those hit. So go ahead and roll damage twice. 2d6 plus 8.

JOE: You need more d6s?

JESSICA: Yeah, thanks guys.

JOE: Plus eight.

JESSICA: Oh gosh.

MATT: So 14 points of damage. (counting) So you reach out, grab both of them by the front of their ceremonial robes, pull back and WHACK slam them both together. Their heads crack, impacting on both and you hear this (hisses) hiss as they both retract from the pain. Feeling the grasp on them, they're both pretty heavy, and knowing in that moment that your strength not quite being strong enough to chuck them, you can then progress if you want to use your bonus action however you see fit.

JESSICA: One of these?

MATT: Yes.

JESSICA: (hums pensively) I'm going to take my flurry of blows. And are these two guys knocked out, then?

MATT: No, they're stronger than you thought they were. They're still standing and they're hurt, but it looks like they are unhappy with the current circumstance you've left them in.

JESSICA: I'm going to shove them over to Dan. No, just kidding.

MARISHA: (as Headmistress) You deal with it.

JESSICA: I am going to use my Flurry of Blows against the two of them. So one attack each, since I've got two additional attacks.

MATT: Great. So you use a ki point. And you attack them both one more time. So two more attacks.

JESSICA: Two more, okay.

MATT: With a D20.

JESSICA: Oh, sorry.

MATT: Let's see if it hits.

JESSICA: Oh shit.

MATT: Alright, six plus seven. That still hits.

MARISHA: Yeah! Heyyy. Nice.

MATT: Roll a second strike.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: (offscreen) Fifth level.

JESSICA: 14.

MATT: Yeah, both hit. Go ahead and roll 2d6s once more. Minus 10. 6. So, after you knock both their heads together. You get down and then do a jumping spin-kick, whack-whack, clocking them both in the head in a full Hurricane Kick, Ryu-style attack. As you land, they're both looking a bit dazed but aggressively looking like they're ready to bear down on you with their scimitars. You still have movement if you want to get away, but they'll both get a strike on you.

JESSICA: Ah, come on.

MATT: Or you want to stay put and just fend them off as they come?

DAN: Just flex on 'em.

JESSICA: I'm staying put. Eff it.

MATT: Alrighty, staying put. That brings us to Keyleth.

MARISHA: What? Okay, how far away is snake creature?

MATT: The head?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: From you? Currently, from where you're standing, about 50 feet.

MARISHA: (weird accent) About 50 feet. Let me go ahead and --, I'm going to move up a little bit, and I want to cast Faerie Fire over where the snake creature is. No one else is really around her, right? Or "it."

MATT: For that particular creature? No. Okay, so you go ahead and cast.

MARISHA: Is there any way that I could also get the humanoids in the cusp too? I don't want to get Headmistress though.

MATT: How big is the space on Faerie Fire?

MARISHA: 20 feet.

MATT: 20 feet? You might be able to get one, not both. You have to angle the cube at a point to catch the two.

MARISHA: Okay, I'll get another one.

JOE: You have a cube that shoots Faerie Fire?

MARISHA: I have a fairy--. Yeah, it's like the Tesseract, but it's sparkle bomb.

TALIESIN: It's like Groot, third act(?? 34:50).

MATT: Alright, Dexterity saving throw from both. What's your spell DC?

MARISHA: (humming)

TALIESIN: It's been a while.

DAN: It's under the attacks area.

MARISHA: Oh, you put it under the attacks. Sixteen.

MATT: Nope and no, they both fail their Dexterity saving throws. So you watch as Keyleth takes a few steps forward, the light in the central chamber glowing on her form. She puts her hands out and as she extends her fingers, you watch a burst of purplish Druid nature energy just scatter out like a burst of glitter. As it coalesces around the form of these two creatures, it sticks to them and as it does, you see bright purple light emit from them, making them both shining targets for anybody that wishes to strike them. So all attacks against them have advantage.

DAN: Tight.

MARISHA: (interview) I love Faerie Fire, by the way, it's a great spell. But yeah, that was all. She kind of just went (blows). You guys go. Yeah, that was it. Yeah, it was just like a Michael's craft store disaster. That's all I was. It was good.

MATT: Alrighty, for as long as she maintains concentration. So Keyleth, that ends your turn?

MARISHA: Yes, I'm now going to step back a little bit towards Dupont.

DAN: Hello.

MARISHA: Oh, hi.

MATT: The first of the two more human of the creatures takes its turn. The one that got bludgeoned by you, and is not affected by Faerie Fire, is going to attempt to strike at you with its scimitar twice. That is a 14 to hit. What's your armor class?

JESSICA: Which, armor class? 17.

MATT: 17. You watch the blade come wide and (whoosh) duck low. Second strike does hit you.

JOE: Good roll.

JESSICA: I got a question. I have an evasion. "When an attack requires a Dexterity saving throw, you only take half damage. Instead, take no damage."

MATT: Correct, that's only against effects that require a saving throw.

JESSICA: Oh, shoot. I tried!

MATT: That's all good. However, you do suffer seven points of damage from the scimitar striking you. Alrighty, the other one's gonna rush towards you, Dupont. That is a 12 to hit. What's your armor class?

DAN: 16.

MATT: This one rushes past. You do get an attack of opportunity if you want to punch the one that's rushing away towards Dupont.

JESSICA: Yeah, I'll take that.

DAN: Punch him!

MATT: Go for it. Roll for an attack.

JESSICA: I'm gonna punch him. I'm gonna use yours.

JOE: You gotta roll the 20.

JESSICA: Wait the 20, right? 10.

MATT: That'll hit. Go ahead and roll 1d6. Add four.

JESSICA: (sighs) One. Does it land?

MATT: Plus four, though. That actually kills that one. (cheering) As it goes rushing towards Dupont, you watch as it darts off. You spin around and clock it in the back of the head with the back fist as you do, you watch it just go unconscious and go face-down to the ground skidding along the dust.

JESSICA: Perfect.

MATT: So that ends that one, against you. That one's finished there. No attack. That brings us to Percival.

TALIESIN: Alright. I'm going to spin around to the giant creature that just got hit by Faerie Fire--

MARISHA: Jesus Christ. Dropping shit.

TALIESIN: --and drop the pencil. Leave the head on one of them. I'm going to want to dissect it later. And I'm going to stick the torch in the ground with my bonus action and take two shots at the heart of the big creature and try to slow it down.

MATT: Go for it. You have advantage on these shots.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah. In that case, I got it fancy, I'm gonna use fancy double. So shot number one: natural 20 on both rolls.

(exclaiming)

DAN: He's a witch! What is a gun?

TALIESIN: (interview) Okay, so I may have had advantage on a shot, thanks to some Faerie Fire that Keyleth threw, and I may have rolled two natural 20s. I've never had that happen before. I feel like that should be something. I feel like I may make a little plaque or something. That felt very good. It's all downhill from here, life is downhill from here.

MATT: Okay, that was the first shot.

TALIESIN: I want a bonus die in our other game later. I just want an inspiration die.

MATT: Just for that one? You've rolled enough twenties in your past.

TALIESIN: Alright, fair point.

MATT: Roll for a second attack.

TALIESIN: And, second attack...

MARISHA: Do it again, do it again.

DAN: Double ones.

TALIESIN: Does not happen. Still great, twenty-six for the other one.

MATT: Yeah, both hit. Go ahead and roll damage for the first strike.

TALIESIN: OK, and that's double die?

MATT: Double dice, yeah.

TALIESIN: Wow. This is adorable. And that's 12 points for the for the first hit, and 14 points for the other one.

MATT: Nice! So this is against the large snake-headed creature.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: You watch the gunfire (shooting sounds) echoes loudly, causing this burst of fire and smoke out the front of the barrel. Both of these wounds sink into the chest of the creature. The blood splooges out of both parts of the impact.

MARISHA: "Splooge"?

DAN: That's what I saw. What did you see?

MARISHA: I mean? No, yeah, impressive.

JOE: That's a descriptive term.

TALIESIN: I'm gonna suddenly realize that I'm very tiny. I'm gonna slowly start backing up after doing that and I realize that I'm a big target.

MATT: Alright, that ends your go. It is now the snake creature's turn. You watch now: its lower torso, which is currently blocked by the dust, you see, is also serpentine. It just has the upper torso of a humanoid. It marks its way around, and actually seeing you as the most dangerous entity in the room, goes heading in your direction, Arkhan.

JOE: I'm flattered.

MATT: It's going to go for a bite attack against you. That is a natural 20.

TALIESIN: You're gonna be fine.

JOE: I'm gonna be fine.

TALIESIN: I'm happy with the 20.

MARISHA: He looks at you. He's immediately like, "this is your fault."

TALIESIN: It's entirely my fault.

JOE: I'm actually happy about that. I'll tell you why in a second. Go ahead.

MATT: So you take nine points of piercing damage and seven points of poison damage as the fangs dig into the side of your scales and you feel it pulse through your blood system.

JOE: Okay.

MATT: And it's going to go ahead and take a swing of the scimitar as it backs up as well. That is going to be a 21 to hit.

JOE: I have a 21 armor class.

MATT: It just barely strikes you.

JOE: What? Okay.

MATT: With seven points of slashing damage, as it streaks across the front of your armor. You see the sparks go flying off in the metal-on-metal clash. Not enough to actually physically wound you, but enough to at least push you back and wind you slightly. It's now your turn.

JOE: Now he's officially pissed me off. Actually. Well, he hit me, so I'd like to Hellish Rebuke.

(cheering)

JOE: So I'm going to point my finger, and the creature that damaged me is momentarily surrounded by hellish flames. The creature must make a Dexterity saving throw. It will take 2d10 fire damage on a failed save, half as much on a successful.

MATT: Well, it rolled a 9 on its DC. So I don't think it succeeds, so go ahead and roll damage on that.

TALIESIN: I love Hellish Rebuke. It's so good.

JOE: You just fucked with the wrong guy. We can say "fuck" on the internet right?

EVERYONE: (agreeing noises)

JOE: That's the whole point of the internet. That's going to be 12 points of fire damage.

MATT: Nice. Alrighty, and now it's your turn.

JOE: Now it's my turn.

MATT: As it rushes up, you throw your hand out the front and watch as flames suddenly burst around his body. The infernal energy granted to you by Tiamat, causing the front of his torso to suddenly be singed. It lands right in front of you, you know, pulls back to go for another strike. What are you doing?

JOE: Okay, I'm going to swing Bone Cleaver, my battleaxe.

MATT: Go for it.

JOE: That's like, literally on the line.

MATT: Yeah, go ahead and roll again, it's cocked.

TALIESIN: Cock, cock.

DAN: Cock, cock.

TALIESIN: Yeah it's just fun to say.

MATT: Again!

JOE: Another cocked die.

MATT: Try that again.

JOE: (sigh) That's gonna be a 13.

MATT: 13 still hits, even with a four.

JOE: And I'm going to tack on Divine Smite.

MATT: Divine Smite. So an additional 2d8, nice.

JOE: I can add. So that would be... plus another... can I borrow a d8 from someone?

DAN: Probably want his.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Here, have at it.

JOE: Actually, sorry, I don't need that. My bad.

TALIESIN: Never mind.

MARISHA: Get out of here.

JOE: (counting) That's going to be 25 points of damage.

TALIESIN: Wow.

DAN: Jesus.

MATT: Alright, so as you arc down with your Bone Cleaver axe, you watch as the energy that splits off the front of the blade, starting white, passes through all the chromatic colors as Tiamat's anger now forces itself through the blade as well. It smacks into the chest of the snake creature. As it does, the rib cage seems to crack before it even touches the blade, the energy actually separating the flesh and bone. You hear it screech out into the cavern air (screeches) as you bisect it in half into the torso, and it slumps to the ground, no longer moving. (cheering) You still have movement and another attack.

JOE: How far am I from the other guy?

MATT: You're about 10 feet from him.

JOE: Oh, perfect. Okay, let's go for it.

MATT: Alrighty, you rush up to the last standing humanoid snake individual.

MARISHA: Get it. get it.

JOE: Alright, no cocked die. 18 plus nine, that's 27.

MATT: 27. Go ahead and roll damage. This one has already been punched to shit by our monk.

JOE: 17.

TALIESIN: That's a lot of damage.

JESSICA: It's dust.

MATT: 17. And with that, as this other creature's been harrying the monk, you rush up and just cleave its head off at an angle, taking off part of the shoulder, as it kind of turns around, just in time to tumble to the ground, no longer moving.

JESSICA: I'm standing here going, "heh heh heh."

DAN: I think I'm feeling that poison. I saw a bunch of lights and everything turned into a fine red mist.

MARISHA: Oh, that actually happened, Dupont!

DAN: What?!

MARISHA: I know!

MATT: The chamber shudders once more.

TALIESIN: This is useful.

MATT: You watch as the the convex sections on the altar all of a sudden begin to fill with a green fluid with each death of these creatures. As they all come to fruition, you watch as the altar shudders and begins to lower below. You kind of stem up and look off the side and you watch. There's a cylindrical chamber below with four additional pillars that travel about 60 feet down to the base. Looks like the interior there is pitch black, however, as it just dissipates beyond the glowing light of the stone above you.

DAN: I'd like to peer into the darkness.

MATT: Make a Perception check.

JOE: Before you do that, I'm going to pray to Tiamat to heal 13 points of my damage. But you have to use hit dice.

MATT: Yeah, you can use your hit dice to heal yourself, so you can just use a couple of those.

TALIESIN: There's nothing salvageable in any of those bodies, is there?

JESSICA: Wait, what am I doing?

MATT: Currently, no, other than the scimitars they had, unfortunately. They weren't really dressed for a night out on the town.

TALIESIN: I wanted to make boots. Snakeskin boots.

JESSICA: Uh, geez. Two. Alright, so two plus two is four.

MATT: And you can use another one if you like.

JESSICA: Oh, yeah?

MATT: Yep. There you go.

JESSICA: Nice.

MATT: Eight. Alright, as you guys complete your rest, taking a moment to bandage your wounds, take the essence of what you have at your disposal. The darkened chamber lies below you. Over a short time, you manage to find your way to the base using whatever rope and items you have at your disposal in your general traveling pack. Down inside, you now see those strange symbols that you saw scrawled on the wall earlier, completely surround this chamber from top to bottom. It is just an endless display of these Abyssal symbols and siggles-- sigils, if you will. It happened again. (laughter)

TALIESIN: I wasn't going to say anything.

MATT: I know.

DAN: It's the Abyssal pronunciation, you'd know if you studied it.

JOE: It's an antiquated pronunciation.

MARISHA: It's like (Castilian accent) "Barcelona," but "siggle."

JOE: The king says it's "siggle," so...

MATT: City of Duras (?? 47:14), guys. The somewhat cool air of the chamber suddenly grows chilled and you all witness as the air begins to shimmer in an apparition of a white-haired mature woman in crimson sleeveless robes appears, drifting roughly 10 feet above you in the room.

DAN: Well hello there.

JOE: Roll for Charisma.

Dan: Mi'lady.

JOE: I'd like to use Divine Sense. Good, evil, Fiend, Celestial, Undead, consecration, desecration.

MATT: You do get the essence of Undead strongly from this entity. As the apparition floats there above, you see it stare down and saying-- the voice seems to emanate from a sourceless place in the air around you. "You enter here and beyond the domain of the serpent. You wander these hallowed halls at the behest of the Scaled Tyrant and you are not welcome. What business have you in our nesting chambers?"

JESSICA: Oh geez, there's so many, there's gonna be so many.

JOE: If you have any questions, go ahead, because I'm about to pull something out of the hat, unless you want to ask a question first.

TALIESIN: I'm just hoping we live to get paid at the moment.

DAN: We were told to retrieve Histina Aguilera's treasure.

MATT: Roll a Constitution saving throw.

JESSICA: Oh, you're getting punished!

DAN: Let's see... 13.

MATT: Okay. You watch as the spirit turns. The eyes, that suddenly went from like a cold darkness to a bright, vibrant, white lock onto Dupont, raises a hand and suddenly you feel this dark energy cascade through your body as your muscles suddenly wither and you fall to one knee. You are Weakened at the moment.

JESSICA: Geez, Dupont.

TALIESIN: I feel like this is something... do you know who this is?

JOE How big is this room?

MATT: It's about 25 feet across on all sides. It's cylindrical.

JOE: Okay, I'm going to attempt to Control the Undead. Up to 30 feet to Wisdom save.

MATT: Wisdom save. This will be interesting. That is a 12. What is your spell DC?

JOE: (groans excitedly) I'm pretty sure it's a 13. She is mine for 24 hours.

DAN: Good thing I distracted her.

JESSICA: Good job Dupont, it's all because of you!

DAN: An alley-oop is still a dunk.

MATT: The spirit's hand drops, the Weakened curse still crackling through your dwarven friend. But the eyes go from the vibrant, bright, burning white to a dull blue as the head turns towards you. "I am the Caregiver long watching the Cloaked Serpent's children sleep until our epoch begins. I am at your service."

JOE: We heard there's something of great value in this vault. Take us to it.

MATT: You watch as the eyes--the blue turns to a dark purple, and you feel the essence reaching just past your brow and it would bother you if you didn't know that this creature was bound to your service through your divine chains. As it withdraws, "I see. The Golden Wreath." The ghost seems to snap the fingers and you hear rustling chains from above in the darkness at the top of the chamber, and a slight sneer. The wind begins to kick up and the sand and dust the room swirls around you. You kind of guard your eyes momentarily as you watch a large winged creature land on the ground. You see its long, muscular, lion-like body combined with two giant other wings, the head humanoid, with the jaw wide open, drooling, with rows and rows of teeth. And there around its throat, you see the large golden-thorned wreath of gems that you saw in your dream. The creature that's chain is dangling and broken turns. It snarls, but the ghost holds its hand up. "Take your charge."

JOE: I approach the creature, and I take the wreath from around its neck.

MATT: As your hands reach out and touch, you watch its eyes. The side lids sliding closed and open, it growls (growls), but it does not seem to assault or attack. As you pull the wreath from around its neck, it withdraws a few feet. (snarling)

JOE: I place the wreath around my neck.

MATT: As you set it down, the spirit begins to grin, and you feel suddenly the thorns, much like the device that entered this temple, extend and pierce into the sides of your throat, your clavicle, some of it actually going past the neck armor. You suffer 12 points of piercing damage. But you feel also at the same time, this cold essence, kind of curl over your spine. As it does, you close your eyes and open them and the colors of the chamber are twice as vibrant. You look around at each of your compatriots. You can actually see the essence of warmth off their body.

MARISHA: It gave you snake eyes.

MATT: You glance around and turn. You guys look and you can see the eyes of your companion, Arkhan, now have even a further confirmed genuine black slit, a greenish, yellow color within them, and the gemstones begin to pulse. as you feel the energy of Tiamat glow within each section of the wreath. And as it does, the strength fills you and your breath grows warmer. The air seems more alive and you feel rejuvenated, instilled with the essence of your deity.

JOE: Do I feel out of control at all?

MATT: You've been in control. You're not fully aware of what has been imparted upon you. It does not feel dangerous.

JOE: But I don't feel a compulsion to attack anyone in my party?

MATT: No, no.

JOE: Okay.

DAN: Oh, thank God.

JESSICA: Well, shit.

JOE: Do I sense that there's any sort of control over this creature? Or is the creature, through this Undead that I've taken control of?

MATT: So you turn towards and exert your will on the manticore?

JOE: Yes.

MATT: Okay, as you go ahead and focus towards it, the creature, its giant spiked tail, swinging behind it, comes up towards you and lowers its head right below you to the ground.

JOE: I get on its back.

MATT: Grabbing the chain that is dangled around its throat, as it lifts up now fully, its torso in front. You watch as Arkhan stands amongst his manticore mount.

JESSICA: I'm jealous.

MATT: (interview) There were a number of situations that were handled in ways I didn't expect. For one, the manticore is intended to be an actual boss encounter, once they had talked to and spurred the ire of the ghosts, or proven worthy to try and earn the use of this thorned wreath. However, I didn't consider the Oathbreaker paladin being able to Control Undead, to roll just under the DC for the spell, and then Command it to present it to him. So that was, a perfect example of why I love D&D.

MARISHA: I feel like you got your money's worth, good sir.

DAN: So I just get poisoned, he gets a manticore?

TALIESIN: You got a door, you're just gonna have to figure out how to get it home.

KEYLETH: We also got like a few hundred gold pieces.

DAN: Just snake blood.

JOE: Now in terms of the rest of the mission: is there someone waiting for this wreath?

MATT: The divine images were to just retrieve this. You have nothing that's come to you before.

JOE: So I had these dreams, these visions. Aand here I am sitting on top of a manticore, in control of a ghost?

MATT: For the next 24 hours.

JOE: Let's party.

MARISHA: Dreams do come true.

JOE: (interview) But for me, the big highlight was I controlled the Undead. I mean, I wound up controlling this specter that had control of the manticore. So because of that, I then was able to take the wreath off the manticore's neck and stuck it on my neck, which initially I thought it was gonna kill me, but after the initial bleeding I took control of this beast. So, it was kind of a weird like lucky roll, weird sort of string of abilities and then wound up with this great beast. So, this is definitely a memorable one. Oh, and also, I beheaded two of the Yuan-ti serpent people. So that was fun, let's not forget about that.

JOE: How many people can fit on the back of a manticore?

MATT: Actually, thankfully you have a rather diminutive and lightweight party. You can uncomfortably get your compatriots onto the back of the creature. As it lifts up, its wings flapping--

JESSICA: Dupont falls off.

DAN: Probablyyyyy...

TALIESIN: I want to see that roll.

MATT: --it slams into the stone of the ceiling as the chamber entrance for the altar was not quite large enough to get all of you through. But it does manage to break through the stone from underneath. As it (whooshes) goes up, it travels down the hallway of which you guys came bursting out from under the front doorway, leading out to the sunlight of the Ank'harel desert over the sands. The warmth of the sunlight is welcome. As you now look, the spiritual entity trailing behind you trying to keep up, as there are heads on top of the manticore.

JESSICA: No, c'mon!

MARISHA: Spring Break 12-13!

DAN: We're gonna live forever!

TALIESIN: The car only holds five, you're going to have to take a Lyft or something, I'm sorry. We'll see you there, it'll be great.

MATT: Aand with that you found the attributed artifact sent in your way by Tiamat and apparently a new friend. (applause) Well done, that was unexpected.

DAN: Yeah, most of the powers of manticores don't go that well.

MATT: No. That that was a completely bypassed boss fight there.

JOE: Oh, really?

MATT: Didn't know you could Control Undead.

MARISHA: I feel like he basically got the, "How do you want to do this?"

MATT: Essentially.

(cross-talk)

(applause)

MATT: (narrating) As Arkhan and his mercenary companions carefully ride the manticore over the hot desert sands of Marquet: what does the future hold for keeping such a monstrosity under control? And what is the essence of this artifact that Tiamat has brought Arkhan to?