Wood and Steel

is the fifty-eighth episode of the second campaign of Critical Role.

Pre-Show
We play Dungeons & Dragons...what even is Liam doing? Anyways, a wild Ashley has appeared at the table! Laura says Critical Role is now complete again! Matt welcomes Ashley back.

Announcements

 * Our fantastic sponsors since the beginning of this campaign, D&D Beyond, have returned this week:
 * As many of you know, Sam is running for President of D&D Beyond, and the campaign continues. Sam thinks Dani has been running his campaign great! Sam has a lot of attention and support from regular Americans, people all around the world, and (even better than regular people) celebrity endorsements! But Sam is required by law to give "equal time" to his opponent, so tonight he is going to turn the soapbox over to Liam. Liam has a vitally important announcement this evening. In a race that should be about the issues - plain and simple, we are seeing an election process obscured by cheap gimmicks and third-party candidates! While Liam's overwhelming lead in the polls should be a comfort to us all (Sam insists that the polls can be wrong), make no mistake: Liam takes this election eminently serious. And to that end...in an effort to shine a light on corruption and enlighten any of you undecided voters...it does Liam (and the Everlight herself) a great honor to "forlmiminmally" announce his running-mate. Sam boasts that there's literally nobody Liam could announce that could give his ticket any chance of beating Sam. Come with Liam to D&D Beyond...Ashley Johnson! A panicked Sam denounces this as cheating, but Taliesin reminds him about equal time. Ashley thanks "President O'Brien". Ashley says it is a testament to Liam's character and judge thereof that he chose her as his Vice President in this campaign. To say Ashley is "honored" is an understatement of her achievements, so she will simply say, "You're welcome". Ashley reminds the voters when the "alcoholic" Sam went on Talks Machina this week and came out in favor of alcoholism! Alcoholism?!? What is this, 1956?!? Sam probably goes home at night and watches "Mad Men", thinking that's how the world still is! Do you want a candidate with the lily-white hands of a man who has never worked a day in his life? Or do you want a candidate with hands so seasoned and robust that you imagine them both tucking you in at night and strangling your enemies?!? Do you want to rally behind a man that looks like a donkey wearing a Jeff Goldblum mask, or a tried-and-true man of the people whose smile DOESN'T make you want to drown yourself in goat piss?!? And we all know ArseQueef, this so-called "third-party candidate", is only in this race in an attempt to sleep with both Ashley's fiance and running-mate. Yes, O'Brien/Johnson may not always have this delicious of a lead, but lez be honest: polls are meant to be ridden! Tweet "#VoteWithYourJohnson", and vote Liam O'Brien for President of D&D Beyond! Everyone except Sam claps. Sam's whole body hurts...he feels like he's been trampled by livestock. Marisha states that the "Roast of Sam Riegel" will be airing on Comedy Central at 1 am PST tonight. Sam thanks D&D Beyond, be sure to subscribe, and he's going to go throw up now.
 * Pub Draw: Matt notes that there was less shark costume this week, and we can all agree Sam's ad was a little better. He felt the searing of Ashley's burns from where he's sitting. Yesterday was the season finale of Pub Draw! From our fantastic friend and instructor, Babs Tarr, who has been at the helm for this whole season. Marisha has just catapulted her way this entire time from a very awesome beginning to a really incredible growth of skill! Marisha thought Matt was going to say "catastrophic". Liam says Marisha has been "catastrophically catapulting", which Matt admits is kind of on-brand for Marisha. Babs and Marisha had Matt on to knock off the rust from his pens and pads, and they all drew Gilmore! Travis jokes that Matt can't draw for shit and it was total amateur hour. Laura jokingly agrees that it was really sad to see. [These are shocking and angry lies, and Matt is really frickin' good.] If you missed the episode, the VOD is available right now on twitch.tv/criticalrole. Or you can see it tomorrow (Friday, April 12, 2019) on Critical Role's YouTube channel!
 * As a reminder, many of Critical Role's shows (including Talks Machina) are also available in podcast form on iTunes, Google, and Spotify. You can go to critrole.com/faq for more details.
 * The Legend of Vox Machina: Critical Role has a week left on their Kickstarter. Seven days...Travis asks if we can not make this about "The Ring"?!? Sam set the secret stretch goal that if we manage to hit $10 million by the end, we're going to go all-in on live-streaming Travis going through the "hauntedest of houses". Taliesin claims the Critters have no idea how amazing it will be. Laura interjects, asking if they get to go with him, or if he has to go in by himself? Sam says there are no rules, because this stretch goal was invented on the fly. Taliesin asks if they can work the haunted house as he goes through?!? Liam doesn't want to be in a maze wearing a rubber mask! Travis will hit him! Laura feels it will be scarier if Travis doesn't know who's behind the scares. Travis has never struck, nor will he ever strike, a haunted house worker! The stream will be Travis screaming and peeing himself as he hides in a corner. Liam calls it "pure entertainment". Sam affirms it is an achievable stretch goal! Whenever the world gets darker and the weight on Matt's shoulders in the morning gets a little heavier, he closes his eyes and reminisces about how they let Travis go first at every Halloween Horror Nights. It brightens Matt's day immediately. Travis pleads that the Critters don't have to hit every stretch goal. Matt says Travis's screams are like Freddie Mercury hitting the high notes. Sam says it's higher: Mariah Carey. Matt is excited to see this Kickstarter come to a close and for Critical Role to get crackin' on the animated series! Thank you everybody who has put in their support to help this become a reality, let alone on the scale that it is! This is incredible, and they're still blown away by it. If that wasn't crazy enough, earlier today, Critical Role announced that after their game next week, they will be streaming their special end-of-campaign party that night on Thursday, April 18, 2019 at 11:30 pm PST! With a very special guest...Joel Hodgson, of Mystery Science Theater 3000! Taliesin still can't believe this is real. MST3K was previously the top film/media Kickstarter, and they have been very, very supportive as Critical Role kind of waved at them as they just barely crossed that line past MST3K's record. It's incredible that Joel is coming to support and be a part of this. It's equally crazy that Matt gets to hang out with someone he grew up constantly watching on TV. It's surreal for a lot of us. For more details, go to critrole.com. And to join the Kickstarter campaign, go to critrole.com/animated.
 * merch update from Laura: Laura just had one merch update. She just wanted to let you guys know...if you have been wanting Critical Role's blue Wildemount dice set, keep an eye on the Critical Role store tomorrow. That's all, she just wanted to let you know. Sam asks what's on Laura's head? Oh, this ol' beanie?!? This is the prototype The Legend of Vox Machina beanie that they just got in for their Kickstarter swag perks! Travis says it's legit.

Previously on Critical Role
"Last we left off: The Mighty Nein had discovered that an attack on Felderwin, back in the Empire, had ended with Yeza - the husband of Nott from long before - absconded and dragged all the way to Xhorhas, to the city of Ghor Dranas...the previous capital of the Betrayer Gods of the Calamity, and now the center of the Kryn Dynasty."

"Traversing the dangers along the way, you made your way across the wastes, under the actual crust of Exandria, and through, into the City of Beasts, doing deeds and making allies, eventually gaining a chance to have a conversation, and gain some favor with the Bright Queen herself, the center of the dynasty, upon which, after a bit of a tussle - and a moment of tension - you bequeathed onto her (and thus the dynasty) the dodecahedron - the beacon of which you've carried for so long, which seemingly is an extremely important religious relic within the society."

"In doing so, you gained quite a bit of favor with this side of the war. You were given the freedom of Yeza, and a few medallions, to show your status as a friend to the Bright Queen, as you are now traveling, essentially, in enemy lands from where you began, and may run into a few situations where others might not be as... excited about your presence. So, with that, you were given a couple of leads for possible work or ways to continue your positive climb within the dynasty. You were given a place to stay within the Dim's Inn, in the Galumafrey District of the city, and you all, after getting some rooms, and making some plans for the following day, took a night's rest..."

Part I
The team wakes up at the inn in Rosohna and finds that their moorbounders were delivered to the inn overnight. They all contribute to a diamond-buying fund for Raise Dead and Revivify supplies. The party splits up, with Fjord, Nott, Jester, Yasha, and Caduceus finding an extremely tall and built half-orc blacksmith, Wursh. Caduceus comments on his tattoos, and Wursh explains that he, like Caduceus, is from the Graying Wildlands. He identifies Caduceus's broken sword as Luthadurnian(sp?) in origin, and says that he can't fix it. Fjord leaves when Wursh asks his name, but Wursh follows him, and Wursh tells him not to be ashamed of his half-orc blood. Fjord asks if, with the right company, Wursh would want to go back north to his homeland where half-orcs are not looked on unkindly, and Wursh says he might. He tells Fjord to be confident in who he is, and not try to prove anything.

Meanwhile, Beau and Caleb head to the Marble Tomes Conservatory, where, as humans, they are greeted with suspicion and escorted to Professor Tuss Waccoh, an eccentric female orc who inspects them curiously, and questions them as to their motives, as Empire kids, for being in the Dynasty. She remains suspicious, but gives them a job, explaining that she has been designing "weapons of fairly intense destruction" for the war against the Empire. The Deepriver Mining Camp, part of the Icozrin Steelworks and an integral part of the construction process for these war machines, has been invaded and taken over by giants. Waccoh has no love for the foreman there, Bodo. She wants them to get rid of the giants without letting Bodo take any of the credit for it. In recompense, she offers 8650 gp worth of gems, or their choice of two out of four magic items: a broken sword blade, a Ring of Evasion, a Staff of Withering, and a robe. Alternatively, they can take half the gems and one item. They tell her they'll confer with their associates and let her know when the job's complete. She sweetens the deal by telling them if they can embarrass Foreman Bodo, she'll add to the reward. But in order to get access to the books in the Conservatory, they'll have to earn her trust by doing "good deeds". Caleb buys paper and ink on the way back to the Inn.

Caduceus and Jester buy diamonds for both Revivify and Raise Dead. Nott, Yeza, and Yasha get clothes for Yeza, four regular healing potions, and a straight-edge razor which Caleb had requested Yasha buy for him. On the way out, Nott steals two "Potions of Rhino Sex" which Yeza identifies as simply petal water.

The Mighty Nein

 * Beauregard
 * Caduceus Clay
 * Fjord
 * Frumpkin
 * Jester Lavorre
 * Nott
 * Yasha Nydoorin
 * Caleb Widogast

New

 * Desmond (Aurora Watch)
 * Wursh
 * Professor Tuss Waccoh
 * Turmin
 * Foreman Bodo
 * Durmaan

Returning

 * Yeza Brenatto
 * Gavin
 * Luke
 * Nugget
 * Sprinkle

Mentioned

 * Old Edith

Quotations
Foreman Bodo (stammering): "Well...th-there, there was un-unfortunate..." Fjord: "Sorry?" Bodo: "There was an unfortunate incursion, um, of what we count to be about seven or eight giants. Um...they - we - they, they came down from the mountain without warning!  Stormed into the middle of our mining encampment, as well as the steelworks. (Fjord yawns.) And began to just toss and destroy.  We fought back!  Valiantly!  We lost many men!  And uh, escaped with our lives and a good amount of our equipment!  We have-!" Fjord (unimpressed): "And what do you have to show for this encounter?" Bodo: "We have sent, uh, word to uh, Rosohna...!" Fjord: "How many did you kill?" Bodo (defensively): "We have...not...killed any yet, because we are awaiting reinforcements!" Fjord (talking over Bodo): "My God, you are wearing a lot of jewelry for someone that does NOT deserve them..." Bodo (holding up his rings): "I HAVE EARNED THIS!" Fjord (threatening): "If you raise your voice one more time, we might just have to take you back with us." (An embarrassed Bodo struggles to speak.) "You don't get to talk anymore." (speaking to the guards and other workers) "Uh, anybody else point us in the direction of these giants, so we can help you keep your job?!?"
 * Wursh (giving Fjord advice on being true to his half-orc nature): "'Cause let me tell you somethin': it don't matter. Yeah, we got history.  But some of us...we don't let that blood rule us, huh?  I know you feel the anger, there.  Every now and then, but...don't let them define you..."
 * Professor Waccoh (greeting Caleb and Beau): "Hey, so sorry, so sorry. So, um...hi!"
 * Yeza (examining all the potions): "Thank you, uh, Turmin. Mr. Turmin." (whispers in Nott's ear) "Honey, they, they all seem pretty legitimate."
 * Nott: "IT'S MY HUSBAND, HE'S LONELY, GIVE HIM YOUR WEASEL!"
 * Caduceus: (seeing the ghosts in the Ghostlands): "That's so sad... It's just here and unconnected. It's sad to be unconnected. Hm. Wish I could do something."
 * Fjord: (heavily embarrassing Foreman Bodo): "I would stop talking if I were you. How many giants have you seen in the past month?"