Have Bird, Will Travel

is the twenty-third episode of the second campaign of Critical Role. After finishing up some loose ends in the Labenda Swamp, the Mighty Nein head to the town of Hupperdook...

Announcements

 * Tonight's sponsor (until their contract expires...hopefully until infinity) is D&D Beyond! The following summary is sung to the tune of the theme song from the old "Zorro" TV show:
 * Out of the night! After Sam Riegel took flight, Came the vigilante known as Storro! This masked ad campaign, Arrived to exclaim, "Go to the D&D Beyond Storro!" Storro, Storro! Organizing from his tablet device! Storro, Storro! His foam sword spells a monster's demise!
 * The standard editions of the "Vox Machina: Origins" TPBs are still available on critrole.com and in the Geek & Sundry and Project Alpha online stores. The limited editions are gone.
 * Talks Machina is the Critical Role after-show, on every Tuesday. This week's episode will be discussed next Tuesday, June 19, 2018 at 7:00 pm PDT.
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 * Liam has a thing: it's not an announcement, but one of the Critter artists (who has been with the community since the very beginning) took a sketchbook and mailed it around to other artists in the Critter community. Liam presents the sketchbook, which has been traveling all over the planet since 2016. Liam opened it an hour before the show, and he was weeping. Liam thanks the Critters: the cast has the best audience on the planet.

Previously on Critical Role
"So, last we left off: The Mighty Nein had been traversing northward towards the Labenda Swamp - to make good on the first of two jobs they had accepted from the Gentleman, back in Zadash.

"Upon traveling northward, you made a young feathered friend by the name of Kiri, who has been under your protection since. You briefly met Cali - who was a dragon-blooded sorcerer - who joined you for a length of the journey. You managed to discover where the seemingly cut-off and abandoned safe house was. Beneath it, discovered what seemed to have been responsible for it going silent - by what seemed to be an underground tunnel network run by swamp merrow.

"You engaged with them, found a strange altar room where they had kind of amassed everything they had stolen from the safe house, slaughtered the present Shallow Priest and his protectors, took what was necessary and what was of interest from that pile (including an interesting orb), made your way back out, closed the pathway the merrow had to the safe house (thus, establishing its true safety once more), and completing the job of which you are tasked. There you spent an evening resting, and began heading back out to return from the northern center of the Labenda Swamp, towards the town of Berleben, and to where the next leg of your journey takes you..."

Part I
Jester reveals that she can send a message to the Gentleman with the Sending spell, to report that the Mighty Nein has completed their first mission. Fjord advises her to wait until the end of the day, before they go to sleep. Jester asks if the party wants to go after the troll and get the 100 gold off Febron's body? Beau points out that she almost died because of the troll...which she admits was pretty awesome. Fjord reminds Jester that the troll bleeds venomous liquid, to which Jester replies that they'll stay far away this time. Beau asks if they have any "boom-boom sticks" left? Nott answers that they have one left, and suggests blowing up the troll's home. Fjord is down for that plan, and puts it to a vote. Fjord, Beau, Yasha, Nott, and Jester vote "yes", and Caleb and Molly vote "no". However, Caleb defers to the group's decision and changes his vote to a "yes". Molly is apparently along for the ride, though he has known a lot of people who have thrown dynamite in houses.

Caleb leads them back to the troll's hollow tree house, not without getting slightly lost on the way. Nott stealths up to it and hears crunches and slurping inside. The plan was for her to throw in a stick of dynamite, but she discovers she has no way of lighting it and stealths back to the party. Yasha has a tinder box, so Nott uses Mage Hand to hold the dynamite, Yasha lights it, and Nott and Jester (who has cast Pass Without a Trace and needs to be within 30 feet) sneak up and move it into the house. After a tense pause, it explodes, blowing apart the tree and knocking the troll prone, and allowing the party a surprise round. Wary of its toxins, they all stay out of melee range.

When the troll gets to its feet, it moves closer to Beau and Yasha, hitting them both with its poison spray and poisoning Yasha, but she shrugs it off at the end of her turn. Fjord hits it with a Witch Bolt, and the troll retaliates by moving up, wounding, and poisoning him. Caleb casts Slow on it. Nott wounds it seriously with her crossbow, but Fjord takes damage with each hit. Nonetheless, he urges them to keep hitting it. He is knocked unconscious, but uses Relentless Endurance to come back, still within melee. Molly kills the troll, knocking Fjord unconscious again with the resulting poisonous venom stream. Molly uses his bloodhunter ability to remove the poison from Fjord, and Jester uses Cure Wounds to bring him conscious again.

However, the troll isn't done yet, using its regeneration ability to heal itself and rise up, swinging at the still-prone Fjord and knocking him out for the third time in the fight. Because Caleb's Slow is still on it, it is unable to attack the unconscious Fjord, probably saving his life. Beau and Yasha pull Fjord away to safety, releasing Nott and Caleb's held attacks, and Caleb kills it (again!) with Scorching Ray, triggering a PTSD attack. Beau gets up, and seeing Caleb's condition, pulls him away and walks with him slowly until it passes. Jester heals Fjord again, and cuts out the troll's heart. They discover that the dynamite blast scattered any treasure, and find only about 26 gp in the house and some human jerky on the troll's body.

They make their way back to Berleben by nightfall, and Jester Sends to The Gentleman that they've cleared out the safe house, although the spell's twenty-five word limit proves to be an issue for her. A hooded figure approaches them which turns out to be Horris Thrym, safe as promised by The Gentleman. He recommends The Drowned Nest, where they rent rooms for the night. Jester Sends to her mother, but the word limit again causes her problems. Molly asks to see the falchion, and tries to cast Charm Person on Fjord, but he resists it.

Break

 * Animated D&D Beyond ad
 * Spellslingers gag reel
 * Good Fortnight Kevin ad
 * How To Play: Pitchstorm
 * Wednesday Club 5-minute one-shot: evil scientist plan

Part II
The Mighty Nein comes to consciousness the following morning (a much more comfortable sleep than they had at the Keystone Pub). Fjord and Yasha retrieve the cart and horses, while Caleb, Nott, and Kiri go for a walk on the edge of town. Jester, Beau, and Molly go to The Fungal Fount. On the way, Beau brings up the issue of what to do with Kiri-- she's afraid Kiri will die if they keep her with them. They trade the troll heart for a greater healing potion, a mysterious sky blue potion, and 50 gold. Jester changes the sign outside to read, "The Fungal Fart."

Meanwhile, Caleb asks Nott and Kiri to help him find a good baseball-sized stone, hopefully one with a ring around it, and after about ten minutes they do. Nott gives Caleb the Scroll of Invisibility that Calianna gave her. She also shares that the name of the halfling man she spoke about earlier was Yeza. They meet the rest of the party in town, where Kiri says in Nott's voice, "Yeza was his name. The halfling man. From before." Nott frantically tries to get her to shut up.

They discuss routes to Shadycreek Run, their next destination, one of which leads through Rexxentrum and the other through Hupperdook. Yasha remembers that Trent Ikithon is in Rexxentrum, and he wanted to speak further with her. Caleb points out Rexxentrum is very busy and they're on a timetable. Jester wants to go through Hupperdook because the name is cool, and Beau shares that it's a gnome city whose inhabitants work hard all day and party hard all night. They decide to go that way.

While they're traveling, Jester brings up again that they need diamonds for her Revivify spell. She also asks Kiri to draw a picture of Kiri's parents, but Sending is unable to connect with anybody. Caleb begins "futzing" with his stone. After three days of travel, they hit a crossroads market. Beau buys a bone bracelet, and Molly gets tents, a cart repair kit, and canvas to cover the wagon. Nott and Kiri get warm clothes. Further along the way, they meet refugees from Nogvurot.

After the fourth day of travel, they camp and notice an overturned cart just off the road. Nott goes to investigate and is hit by a flurry of crossbow bolts, alerting the rest of the party. They run up and engage in battle with a group of bandits, when suddenly one of the bandits yells, "We are so sorry! We are so sorry! We didn't know it was you folks! Our most sincere apologies." He explains to his companion that "these are the ones that ashed Trevor." The Nein feel sorry for the hapless bandits, who keep apologizing, and Molly gives them the hide armor he bought on the road. The party encourages them to find a different line of work and the bandits run off.

The party continues on to Hupperdook, a busy industrial city on a war footing building weapons of mass destruction, and are directed to The Blushing Tankard for lodging. It's on the upper level of the city, but they are denied access to the lift transporting others upward. A female gnome named Rissa greets them and offers to show them around in exchange for a round of drinks. She accompanies them on the path upward, telling them she hasn't yet found a vocation that fits her personality. Sundown falls, and fireworks go off, steam whistles sound in the industrial district below, and the streets are suddenly filled by people rushing out of work.

The Mighty Nein

 * Beauregard
 * Fjord
 * Frumpkin
 * Jester Lavorre
 * Nott
 * Yasha Nydoorin
 * Mollymauk Tealeaf
 * Caleb Widogast

New

 * Uma Cole
 * Smithe Durban
 * Rissa Tinkertop
 * The Ruby of the Sea (via Sending)

Returning

 * The Gentleman (via Sending)
 * Kiri
 * Horris Thrym
 * Zenny

Mentioned

 * Calianna
 * Febron Keyes
 * Ophelia Mardoon
 * Dayana Prucine
 * Dolan Thrym
 * Trevor
 * Yeza

Quotations
Kiri: (like Jester) "Don't stab humans. Don't eat humans. Okay?" Matt: She palms the two gold. "It's called 'Feathered Leather'". Caleb: That's a good name. Names are important. Caleb: Traveler, take the wheel!
 * Nott: Am I able to light the boom-boom stick?
 * Beau: It'll look really cool when you're running away from it, though! When it's, like, exploding...!
 * Liam: Welcome to Critical Role: where we embrace failure!
 * Liam: Fjord Madeline Kahns back to life!
 * Jester: Don't eat humans, Kiri. Don't stab humans and don't eat humans, okay?
 * Jester: Horris, do you have a lot of diamonds on you...maybe some that are worth 300 gold?
 * Molly: I leave two gold on the counter before I leave. "For you no matter what, but if you tell me what [book you're reading], I promise I won't tell the rest of them. I just want to lord it over them."
 * Nott: Earlier you said that I could come talk to you whenever I want, and thank you for that. That makes me feel very good. Yeza was his name. The halfling man. Before. That's all. I just wanted to say his name out loud. It's been a while.
 * Beau: The Traveler is my co-pilot, it's okay!
 * Beau: (to Yasha) It's very like, uh...very diverse biodomes in your eyes.
 * Molly: There's nothing better than waking up in the morning with no pants and flowers in your hair.
 * Nott: Where are the EDM gnomes?
 * Molly: I am offended, even though you are right.

Trivia

 * Sam's giant flask bears a message in this episode that reads "OOPS. I WORE NEXT WEEK'S SHIRT".
 * The episode title, 'Have Bird, Will Travel' is a reference to the "Have X, will travel" ads commonly placed in newspapers as late as the 1950s. These ads were placed seeking work, notifying potential employers that the laborer had an object necessary for the work without it having to be provided to them, such as a horse and carriage or cleaning equipment. Starting in the late 50s the phrase was popularized by its use in forms of media, the earliest of which is "Have Gun, Will Travel" an American TV show that premiered in 1957. Other popular iterations include the book "Have Spacesuit, Will Travel" by Robert A. Heinlein in 1958, and the song "Have Love, Will Travel" by Richard Berry in 1959, famously covered by The Sonics in 1965.