Transcript:The Sunken Tomb

List of Transcripts

Pre-Show
MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome back to Critical Role! We’ve had a two-week hiatus due to illness and traveling, but we’re back, and we’re a little late today because of traffic in Los Angeles, which is always a pleasurable experience.

LAURA: This is what happens when you get half the cast in a session together.

MARISHA: In Santa Monica.

MATT: It was good times! We love you, Steve! You did great! But no, so, we’re happy to be here, we missed you guys, we missed each other, and the rest of our team just arrived as well.

MARY: Sam!

MATT: We’ve got a Sam, and we’ve got a Liam coming in right now. So, let’s go ahead and knock these announcements out so we can get this game started. So, first and foremost, I want to let you guys know that Tor Books has been nice enough to help sponsor tonight’s episode of content, so you guys have seen announcements and stuff for their new book, Bands of Mourning, which we had at the last game, you being a Brandon Sanderson fan for a long time.

WILL: Huge Brandon Sanderson Fan. We’ve talked about this. Yeah, we’ve talked about this.

MATT: So it’s good, good stuff. I’ve been perpetually prodded about whether or not that’s me on the cover. It’s not, but if they ever option it for a film it is.

WILL: Oh, you’d be a good Wax! You’d be a good Waxilum. He was the lead character.

MATT: Well, see, there we go. Read the books, then write a screenplay, then get it optioned, and then cast me.

WILL: Easy, it’s Hollywood!

MARY: How hard could that be?

MATT: Yeah, so, Bands of Mourning. Thank you, Tor, for taking an interest in our little show, and I hope you guys take an interest in their awesome books. So, have fun! Next up, announcements, me and Marisha want to give a big shoutout and thanks to Kaizoku Con in Ireland. We had a wonderful time meeting a bunch of you Critters over there on the green isle.

SAM: Are there Critters in Ireland?

MATT: Dude! They were out in force! It was amazing!

MARISHA: Yes, and there were a bunch of people who came over from England, as well. We had a couple people from Egypt.

SAM: Egypt?

MATT: It was really, really cool. So thank you guys for all coming out and visiting us.

MARISHA: This episode is also sponsored by Jameson.

MATT: (laughs) Because we got a lot of it when we were there.

MARISHA: Thanks, Ireland!

MATT: Let’s see, next up, I want to give a thanks to Syrinscape again. I’m going to be incorporating Syrinscape’s audio programming into sessions in the near future once we get everything ironed out from my list setup, but they’re an awesome program you should check out to help you run audio for your tabletop gaming experiences. It has built-in soundboards and music tracks. It’s really, really cool, so I recommend you check them out. Also, I want to give a big thank-you to Dwarven Forge. We had a Critter in the past send me a bunch of dungeon tiles, and I myself had backed previous Kickstarters of theirs, and just recently got all my city builder stuff, and have more that they sent me that may be showing up on the stream in the near future, to help make battle maps and things look a lot cooler and more three dimensional, so I’m excited about that. They also have a really amazing Kickstarter that just went up last week called the castle builder, where now Dwarven Forge allows you modular pieces where you can build and customize your own castle pieces for your game at home, and it looks ridiculous! So, if that’s something that interests you for your home games, go check out Dwarven Forge’s Kickstarter for the castle builder. Looks pretty fricking rad. I’ve already given them way too much money for it. Also, for those of you who have tried out the Order of the Lycan for my Blood Hunter build, I did an update last night. Minor tweaks. Basically, just clarifying some of the rules for dex builds, as well as some minor balance adjustments, but go check it out! Beyond that, all the feedback’s been really positive. I don’t foresee any major tweaks in the near future, so that’s good. Marisha, you wanted to pitch your new show that’s coming out here?

MARISHA: Yes, I have a new show coming out on Geek and Sundry.

SAM: Whoa, is that true?

MARISHA: That is true.

SAM: What’s it called?

ALL: Eeey!

WILL: Everyone’s doing Fonzie!

SAM: What is it? What happens on the show?

MARISHA: Anyway, it’s called Signal Boost, and there’s actually going to be a never-before-seen promo airing during the intermission, but yeah, I’m hosting the first run, and I’m producing it, and Sean Becker is directing it, and it’s written by Eric Campbell, so it should be very fun.

TRAVIS: Do you boost signals in it?

MARISHA: I do boost lots of signals.

SAM: Is it just about optimizing your home Wi-Fi network?

MARISHA: A hundred percent. It’s sponsored by Time Warner Cable. It’s great. Yeah. Check it, no it’s not, that would be awful.

WILL: It’s going to be on from two to six? Or six to eight, or whenever they want to show up?

MARISHA: Well, six to six, got to be there. May get service.

MATT: Perfect. We’ll have that video at the break today. Let’s see.

MARISHA: Oh, and it’s airing Tuesday, by the way. It’s airing on Tuesday. On geekandsundry.com.

MATT: Huzzah. Laura, you have something you just got a chance to talk about recently.

LAURA: Oh man, yeah! On Tuesday, I think it was Tuesday, we finally got to admit, I got to say that I was in Gears of War 4.

(cheering)

LAURA: So that’s pretty exciting.

MARISHA: Because no one had any clue–

LAURA: Any idea. I know, I’d already had a bunch of messages on Twitter, but I couldn’t confirm them until the 8th, and I finally can.

TRAVIS and LAURA: Yay NDAs.

LAURA: But in conjunction with that, Liam McIntyre, who is one of– he also leads in the game–

LIAM: That’s confusing.

LAURA: I know, right? I already like him because his name is Liam, but, and I also like him because he’s a nerd. And I say this because he just started a Kickstarter for a card game that he developed called Monster Lab, so if you guys want to check it out, it’s really really cute, it’s really really fun, I think it’s been going for like 15 days. They’re doing really well on the Kickstarter but now they’re going for stretch goals, so.

MARISHA: Nice!

LAURA: Monster Lab.

MATT: Monster Lab on Kickstarter. Ah yes. Taliesin, you had something you wanted to go through?

TALIESIN: Yes, no, as I realized as I came out of the haze of Portland, I’m the new voice of Crazy Dave in Plants vs. Zombies Garden Warfare.

(cheering)

TALIESIN: Apparently, and it’s a lot of fun.

SAM: You’re perfect for that.

TALIESIN: Thank you. (incoherent grumbling)

MARISHA: So much fun. You should wear a pot on your head all the time.

TALIESIN: You really don’t like the hair, do you?

MARISHA: It’s awesome!

MARY: It’s a light– it’s a color absorber, it’s really cool.

TALIESIN: I went fishing for that one, that was nice.

MARY: Can I just thank everybody from CoastCon real quick? You guys treated Steve and I so well in Biloxi, we had such an amazing time, and I met some unbelievable Critters there. This one fantastic woman who started becoming now a DM because of Critical Role and it’s just amazing. Oh, and I got these really cool horns.

LAURA: They’re so cute!

MARY: And my ring of flask. My one ring. Thank you to everybody.

TALIESIN: One scotch to bind them all together.

MARY: It’s apple juice! They gave me the flask, not what’s in it.

MATT: And Liam, you said you wanted to–?

LIAM: Hey, Marvel Animated has started to use me as Doctor Strange, so.

(cheering)

MARISHA: And it’s so good!

LIAM: And also, if you need to put your dice in something, you should go to wyrmwoodgaming.com and use the code ‘critrole,’ which will get you free shipping.

MARY: You put your dice in the thing.

LAURA: Hey, look at this beautiful box.

LIAM: They’re beautiful. Many of you have been purchasing them. They’re lovely to make nice presents for yourself or for another person.

MATT: This is what happens when we’re gone for two weeks, we have to cram all of our backup, like, catchup announcements and little friend-bumps there at the front.

LIAM: Let’s hear it also for the app called Waze, which got me here at 7:20 instead of 7:45.

LAURA: No. No. Well, that’s true, but we used it right away and we got here 20 minutes earlier than him.

LIAM: Yeah. Mm-hm. Yeah.

MATT: So Waze, if you’re looking to throw some sponsor dollars around.

MARY: Pull out the Morgan Freeman voice. We love it.

MATT: (Morgan Freeman voice) You got to make sure you get to your place on time.

SAM: Matt, can I do one quick shoutout?

MATT: Yes, yes!

SAM: My friend Mark Whitten has a DND-based webseries starting tomorrow called Rolling High, I think it’s youtube/rollinghigh, check it out.

MATT: Delightful! Wondrous. Anything else, any other announcements, anything crazy?

MARISHA: I got a new note-taking pen. Look at all the colors.

LAURA: Solid announcement.

MATT: All right, let’s do it, guys, let’s step on.

TRAVIS: This is where we need the light change.

Part I
MATT: Bring it in. So to catch everyone up what’s going on, Vox Machina, our intrepid band of adventurers, after dealing with the horrible attacks by the dragon circle known as the Chroma Conclave, destroying cities all across Tal'Dorei, the party escaped, sent the refugees they could, as well as allies, back to Whitestone, seemingly not on the radar of this attacking front of dragons at the moment, and then made their way toward Vasselheim to find allies, Pike staying behind to help with the refugees at the moment. Upon going to Vasselheim, you managed to encounter a number of old friends from the Slayer’s Take and enlist them for the time being to help you with the refugees and your current wanderings here in the city proper. At the same time, you encountered Lady Kima, who also has agreed to help with the events in Whitestone and this entire dragon attack towards the east, and you, after wandering the city for a bit, retrieving these allies, followed Grog into the Trial Forge, where you had a conversation with Earthbreaker Groon. And by conversation I mean a full-on drag-out sandpit battle to prove your worth to him, in which case you were given information about these things called the Vestiges of the Divergence, artifacts of great legendary power that existed from previous wars that had wiped out most of society multiple times. These Vestiges have been scattered around the world, many of them lost to the history books or passed down as symbols of power through various bloodlines or government positions, or stolen and haven’t been seen for hundreds of years. You’ve found the location of two of them, one of which was the Titanstone Knuckles, and the other happened to be some sort of a leather, a Deathwalker’s Leather that belonged to a champion of the Raven Queen. This exists in apparently the champion’s tomb, which used to exist to the west of Vasselheim until it eventually sunk into the ground as the topography shifted over time and resides beneath a lake known as the Marrowglade Loch. So. That is where we left off, as you guys recovered from the encounter in the Trial Forge, and deciding on your plan going forward. Stepping from the tavern, having a few drinks, and discussing the merits of your current path, what would you like to do, friends?

TRAVIS: That fucking hurt!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Old dude hit hard.

MARY: Well done, though.

TRAVIS: I mean, we found two of the vestibules of–

SAM: What did you find again? Brass knuckles of some sort?

TRAVIS: No, no, no. He mentioned, he mentioned Titanstone Knuckles.

LAURA: Do you know about those?

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah. It’s a bit of a sensitive subject. (clears throat) I think my Uncle Kevdak has ‘em.

ALL: What?

TRAVIS: Yeah. The leader of our wandering herd? He has two prize weapons that he pretty much used to use to beat me, like, near death.

MARY: Oh.

SAM: And now we have them?

ALL: No.

TRAVIS: No, we, he’s still got them.

MARY: So where, do you have any idea where they might be wandering?

TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s this thing, I lost the GPS tracker on them, so, no.

LAURA: You should use Waze.

(laughter)

MARY: Sometimes it gets there, well, 20 minutes here or there.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but he’s real strong. And it’s only one of two really powerful weapons he has, so hey, at least we know where one of them is.

MARY: How is your relationship with him now? Besides the fact that he used to beat the crap out of you when you were younger.

TRAVIS: Just peachy. Like.

MARY: Really?

TRAVIS: Really great, no, it’s fucking terrible.

MARY: Oh. That’s lovely.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: All right, well, we know where one is. Where are these leathers, then? From the Raven Queen, we need to figure out where the Marrowglade Loch is?

MARY: The Marrowglade Loch.

MARISHA: Do we know where that is?

LAURA: It’s a lake.

MARY: I did get a map from the Slayer’s Take, is there anything on this map that would indicate where the Loch is?

MATT: Yeah, the Marrowglade Loch resides about a seven- to eight-hour journey swift of foot to the west-southwest area of Vasselheim. And it is marked on the map, it’s not marked as a major place, it’s just this sunken, somewhat muddy, swampish land. You’ve passed–

MARY: This wasn’t the place that we passed on the way to go get Rimefang, was it? There was–

MATT: No, no no no. That was more north. But you passed this in your travels and some of your hunts with the Slayers’ Take before, but it’s never been a place of consequence, it is just a lake that exists on a map until this significance was given to it.

MARY: So we, so Kash and I have passed it before.

MATT: Yeah, I’d say probably some time in the past.

LAURA: So we know it’s relatively close, we should probably head there.

WILL: If you think your uncle’s closer than eight hours away–

MARISHA: No, he’s on another continent.

WILL: Then he’s probably not closer than eight hours away.

MARY: Or he’s in the tavern down the street. You never know.

LAURA: I feel like we need to, we told–

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: We keep changing places and nobody’s going to know where we are. Pike is in Whitestone. How do we let her know we’re moving? Or are we coming back here?

SAM: Wait, where are we going? Marrowway Cove? What?

MARY and LAURA: To the Loch.

TALIESIN: Well, we’re only going for a day.

LIAM: That dragon’s days are numbered.

MARISHA: Yeah, I feel like if Pike really needed to get a hold of us, she could.

TALIESIN: We could also leave word for where we’re going.

LAURA: Let’s leave word at the Slayer’s Take that we’re heading out. So if, you know, Allura or Pike shows up wanting to find us–

TALIESIN: Or, god forbid, if something happens to us, they know where to retrieve our bodies.

WILL: The Take’s not coming out to retrieve our bodies.

MARY: No, they won’t.

WILL: The Take’s not coming out. There’s no money in your bodies.

MATT: And Kima at this point looks about and says, “Well, if we have plans to head east and probably not spend much time here among Vasselheim for a while, I have some business I’ve got to clear up here as well.”

MARY: Can I introduce myself, Lady Kima? I don’t think we’ve ever met before. Have we?

MATT: “This is true, actually. No.” And she steps up to you and you, you know, at first view you’ve had you see she’s square-shouldered and pretty rough in the physicality of what you’d imagine from most halflings you see. She walks with her shoulders forward and she has this intensity to her step, even when it’s just a friendly exchange. She bears armor that is gold with various silver and blue details on it that are parts of the presentation of Bahamut and the temple that is a representation of his worship. She carries a large, metallic hammer that she keeps left over one shoulder. She has just-past-her-shoulders wavy ashy, dirty-blondish hair and a big scar that rides across her face as well as a number of other scars that aren’t quite as visible. She grins as she steps up and moves her hammer to the other side of her shoulders with a clink and puts her hand out.

MARY: I put mine out as well and say: your appearance fascinates me on so many levels, I look forward to getting to know you.

MATT: She pulls her hand away and she goes, “Interesting coming from you, definitely.”

MARY: Yeah.

MATT: “All right.”

WILL: I don’t think we met either, how you doing?

MATT: “Anyway.”

MARY: That’s Kash. A man of few words.

MATT: “I’ve met few as unremarkable as you in my travels.”

WILL: I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening, what?

MATT: “Touché. Well, I’ll get about my business here, you said you’re traveling for half a day to a day, say meet back at the Slayer’s Take in about 24, 36 hours, then head on to the east?”

LIAM: Are we assuming it’s going to be as easy as all that?

LAURA: So, wait, a couple days and then we’re heading out? I thought we were heading out now.

MATT: “Or meet up with you, I’m going by what you’re telling me. We can meet up whenever you’d like.”

LAURA: Are you coming with us?

MATT: “I’m coming with you, yeah, but I have some business to take care of here in the city before we go ahead and head off.”

LAURA: Well. Can we wait a day?

LIAM: To have Kima with us, I think so, yes.

MATT: “Well, you guys are going– where?”

MARY: We were going to head to the Loch.

LAURA: To the Loch.

WILL: What do you have to do in Vasselheim first?

TRAVIS: Oh, good question.

MATT: She crosses her hands for a second and says, “Why are you so interested in my business, human?”

WILL: Well, because if you’re coming with us, then we have to wait, so what you’re deciding to do very much affects what we’re doing. So let me ask it a different way: what business do you have in Vasselheim?

SAM: He just raised his voice a little, that was the difference.

TALIESIN: I didn’t catch that.

MATT: “I was trying to arrange passage to the east. Got a little bit of pull here in the city, some favors that’re owed to me, I figured maybe I could do a favor, but that’s, I don’t know. If you’re going to have an attitude about it.”

WILL: Well then we’re in trouble, I have an attitude about everything.

MARY: Pay him no mind, it’s not personal. Kash.

WILL: What? I’m just, it’s a logical question, see, she’s got something to do in Vasselheim, we have to wait, what does she have to do? I don’t feel like I’m talking out of turn.

MARY: Making friends as always.

MARISHA: To be fair, Kima and I had a rough start, too. She’s, I mean, I love you, Kima, but I mean sometimes, you can get a little bit of, there’s–

MATT: “Are we meeting back in a couple days or are we waiting, what’s the business here, I–”

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: How long do you need to get what you have done? You need a day?

MATT: “I’m assuming a day, I have to try and find a couple of folks and pull some strings.”

SAM: Do you need me to stay with you? To help you?

MATT: “No I’m fine. I’ve seen plenty of your strengths in the past.”

SAM: And nipples.

LAURA: Okay.

WILL: We’re missing something, I don’t understand.

LAURA: I feel like we’re missing something, wait, you’re trying to get us passage to the back–

MARY: You’re trying to get us passage to the Knuckles place, is that, get them passage?

LAURA: Or are you trying to get us to the lake? I’m so confused. This is out of character, I literally don’t have an idea what’s going on.

TRAVIS: I want to insight check Kima.

(laughter)

LIAM: Little rusty after three weeks, folks.

MATT: “Part of you coming and asking for the aid of the palace was to help with this whole scourge of dragons you’re talking about to the east. The ones that you say have destroyed most of Westruun and most of my friends still exist in that area. So I figure that’s the passage we need to get over there.”

MARISHA: When you mean east, you mean like, far east.

MATT: “Eeeeast.”

MARISHA: Like really, okay. Well, no, there’s time.

LAURA: Here’s the thing. Also, our lady Keyleth, the beautiful princess that lives among us, she has a way she can travel us very very quickly through trees, so we don’t actually need passage.

MATT: “Through trees.”

MARISHA: It’s a new skill I’ve picked up since we hung out last.

MATT: “That’s weird.”

TRAVIS: No, it’s really quite painless. It’s pretty cool.

MARISHA: It’s, yeah, and it has a nice cedar scent when you go through.

LAURA: So unless we’re getting supplies and we need to travel with a lot of things, then, you know, we don’t actually need passage.

MARISHA: Also, I need to go by the Fire Ashari before we really head east-east, and they’re west. So.

WILL: Yeah, there’s like 37 things we have to do before, so.

LIAM: We need to carve out a plan, Kash is right, we should pick something short-term and do something because–

TALIESIN: Let’s head to the Loch.

MARISHA: The Loch is on the way to the Fire Ashari anyway.

LAURA: Do you think that this is going to lead to some serious fighting? Because it sounds like these Vestiges are well-guarded.

TRAVIS: Well, you don’t have any reason to think that. Could be hanging from a tree branch.

LAURA: I’m sure. You know what, Grog, that’s an excellent point.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Just hiding in plain sight.

LAURA: Hanging on a tree branch under the lake.

TRAVIS: That’s where I’d hide it.

MARISHA: Z, Kash, you all have been by the Loch before, would you know what–

WILL: It was pretty unremarkable last time we were there if it’s the one I’m thinking of.

MARY: Actually, I may have remembered something about the Loch? What do I, would I have remembered anything at all?

MATT: Make a history check.

MARY: What do I do for that?

LAURA: Roll a 20 and add it to your history. So 11.

MARY: 11. Is that an eight?

MATT: It’s a pretty unremarkable Loch.

MARY: It’s a pretty unremarkable Loch.

MATT: As far as lakes go, it’s maybe a few hundred feet across. It’s more from a part of the land mass actually having a large sinkhole and where certain things may have existed, and there are bits of ruin throughout the surroundings of some sort of a structure that existed there, but most of it seems to have been swallowed up by the ground and the lake has formed in its place, though this was quite some time ago. And it swells or drains based on how much snowfall there has been in recent seasons, and it’s been a pretty heavy winter for you guys, so you imagine from the times you’ve seen it that it’s been pretty high, if not frozen over at times.

MARY: So it’s rather unremarkable, but I think it’s something that we can handle, definitely, within a 24-hour period.

LAURA: Well, we just loaded up on a bunch of potions. Some dickhead.

MARISHA: I am with Vex, though, I have a feeling that the chance that this item has been completely forgotten is not likely.

LIAM: Well, we need allies and we need power because we’re not in shape to take care of a coven of dragons at the moment. Seems like slightly lower-hanging fruit than the other option?

MARISHA and LAURA: Let’s try it.

SAM: What time of day is it right now?

MATT: At this time, it’s probably, say, midafternoon.

LAURA: Well, we’re not going to get there before dark, so maybe we should sleep here tonight and start out in the morning.

TRAVIS: Well, I have a question, and not like I can really help with this, but should we go see if we can read about some article of shadow-death, whatever the fuck it’s called? Like, is it in a library?

LAURA: Maybe the Slayer’s Take knows more about the lake, about these Vest– no, these are pretty secret, I think the Vestiges are a pretty well-kept secret, people aren’t going to just know where they are.

TRAVIS: No? Like what if they’re super-old but they go by a different name or something?

LAURA: I wonder if somebody knows about a cavern under the lake.

TALIESIN: That’s what I would assume, is there must be some sort of underground structure, some part of the ruins.

LAURA: Or maybe we need to breathe under-fricking-water.

TRAVIS: Oh, I’ve got two vials of that shit.

MARISHA: Why don’t we take the rest of the night to try and do some research. Is there any way we can find maybe maps or something about ancient history books?

MARY: And I do have a map from the Slayer’s Take that I could–

MARISHA: Oh, no, but I mean, we need to find like books about civilizations that might’ve been here in the past that might get us some sort of– Like a library. Is there a library?

TRAVIS: Pictures or no pictures?

MARISHA: There might be some pictures.

TRAVIS: All right. I’m in.

LAURA: Is there a library nearby?

MATT: (laughs) Oh, it’s been two weeks and I missed you guys.

WILL: Do we have a library at the Take?

MATT: Hm? There are a collection of books at the Take, but most of them are in reference to cataloging various creatures, details about their lifestyles, their inherent weaknesses, what elements of their bodies can be harvested and what clients are usually looking for. It’s more specific to the business of the Slayer’s Take than anything that would involve local history. I mean, I’ll say if two of you would like to make an investigation check between the two, your choice, whoever wants to do that, we’ll base, see what information you can find.

SAM: I feel good about my investigation, I have a keen eye.

LAURA: I’ve got a pretty decent investigation. You and me, brother.

SAM: Let’s do this.

LAURA: All right. 23.

SAM: Not as good, but pretty good. 17.

MATT: 17. In taking the better part of the rest of the day and asking around, you manage to find one location that carries books, and what you would consider as sort of like a library, though nothing of the ancient historical fashion. There are many books about the history of the temples here in the town, elements of the battles of old, but they’re all very vague in their writing as almost like a story as opposed to a historical fact-gathering-type presentation. You manage to find a place that does deal in dusty books, partially repaired and restored books, a little bit pricier, but there is one tome that seems to talk specifically about the history of the Raven Queen’s rise here in the city, and if you would like to possibly take this book, for a price, that is up to you.

LAURA: Is somebody watching me at the moment?

SAM: Have I rejoined her?

MATT: No, you guys are doing this separately.

LAURA: Are we just perusing a bookstore, or–?

MATT: Essentially right now you are, it’s a small place, but there are two employees, and it’s not very busy at all, you’re the only person in the room, so they’re both just quietly watching from a distance.

LAURA: I sit down on the ground and start reading through the book.

SAM: Barnes and Noble-style?

LAURA: And see if I can find information.

MATT: Well, about 30 seconds into that, one of the employees comes up and goes, “Excuse me, miss–”

LAURA: Oh, hi!

MATT: “If you are going to–”

LAURA: I keep reading.

MATT: “I would ask if you would wish to read this to purchase it, as that is our business, we are not an open place to just utilize the information.”

LAURA: Oh, I thought this was a library!

MATT: “It’s a book sale collection, please, if you’re going to read it, please purchase the book. Or leave?”

LAURA: Of course, well, can I just check and make sure that it’s actually got any information that I need? Because if it doesn’t then I don’t want to buy it. You understand.

MATT: “You may peruse for but a moment. If you do not find an essence of what you’re seeking at that time, I would have to ask you to leave.”

LAURA: All right, of course, yes. Are you just going to stand there and watch me peruse then?

MATT: “Yes.”

LAURA: Well, I just start looking for what I need.

MATT: In the brief time that you have going through, you manage to glean, there is a chapter that speaks of the Divergence, it speaks of the last large struggle that happened in the center of civilization. This was the second battle before the gods themselves fully rescinded from the land itself. And the Raven Queen did have a number of chosen champions as a part of this endeavor, and that’s as far as you get before he goes, “All right, so, you’ve had a bit of time.”

LAURA: I just don’t know, I can’t really tell if it actually has anything interesting.

MATT: There is a tag on the book that says 30 gold.

LAURA: What’s the back? That’s 30 gold! 30 gold. It’s so dusty, though, I mean is that even worth it if it’s this dusty? 30 gold? Does it have spells in it? No.

MATT: He reaches out and grabs the book and says, “If you are not a serious collector, I’m sorry, then it seems that we–”

LAURA: Oh. Oh.

MATT: And he starts pulling it, tugging it up.

LAURA: No! I hold onto it. Well, I know people that, you know, care about dirty old books, so I guess, I mean, I might be willing to purchase it for them, but they usually like things in mint condition when they buy their antiques. This has a damaged spine, I see it, and yellowing of the pages. And it seems like somebody’s bookmarked this one.

SAM: It wasn’t kept in its neoprene sleeve.

MATT: He slams the book shut as you’re perusing through the pages. “30 gold, or I will ask you to leave.”

LAURA: Oh. This is the worst haggling ever.

SAM: Get out your buyer’s guide.

LAURA: What’s your name?

(groaning)

SAM: Just kill him!

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

LIAM: Oh, good grief.

LAURA: 18?

TALIESIN: We have robbed cadavers.

MATT: “As far as you’re concerned right now, my name is No Sale.” And pulls the book back.

LAURA: I feel hurt, and I pull out 30 gold and I say, I suppose– (weakly) I’ll buy it.

MATT: Takes the gold, hands you the tome.

LAURA: Damn it! It hurts! It hurts me in my soul.

MARISHA: That’s the first time I’ve ever seen Vex pay full price for anything.

MARY: Is that the first time you’ve ever paid full price for anything?

LAURA: It is, actually. The first time.

MARY: Momentous occasion. Hunter’s Mark that son of a bitch.

LAURA: I kind of respect you. I’m a little impressed.

MATT: “Benjamin Cole, should you find your way around here again and wish to pay full price for another one of our fine books.”

LAURA: Benjamin Cole. You’re a dear.

MATT: “Come again,” he says begrudgingly as you exit the facility. So, looking through the book, it does talk about– specifically, there are a few champions. Many that were lost entirely to the battle, unrecovered. One of the highest of the Order of the Raven Queen, that fought in her name, was named Purvan–

LAURA: (cackles) Yeah, he was.

MARISHA: “Perv on?”

MATT: Purvan. P-U-R-V-A-N.

SAM: Last name Pedobear.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: We’re running out of good names, aren’t we? We’ve finally gotten to the end of your list of good names.

TRAVIS: (giggling) Purvan Pedobear?

MATT: Oh, you guys are cruising to a TPK today.

(laughter)

LAURA: Not on the anniversary, Matt! Not on the anniversary.

MATT: No, this is great.

TRAVIS: (giggling) Purvan Pedobear.

MARY: Kash and Z were left staring at the bodies.

MATT: (with great emphasis) Purvan–

LIAM: Yes, yes, get your perv on! Emphatically.

MATT: All right. That’s more hit points onto these guys here, for later. All right.

MARY: Perv on, MacDuff. Perv on.

MATT: Purvan Suul is the full name, though the name was given to the Raven Queen at the time of signing itself to the order, in which they become nameless. The champions are just mentioned or spoken of in public as The Champion, so the name is part of the gift they give to the Raven Queen when they swear themselves to her. Fell in the final conflict and was interred within a tomb to the west of Vasselheim. It is said that it is a multi-leveled tomb, and as the Raven Queen’s fellowship began to fall out of favor after the Divergence had happened– essentially, because her realm is death, during times of great conflict and strife, there is great power and a lot of energy given towards the Raven Queen. When things fall into peace time, or at least, for an extended period of time, there isn’t a lot of conflict or burgeoning death and destruction within the vicinity, her worship tends to dwindle. As that dwindled, there wasn’t enough people within the remaining bloodlines to maintain the tomb. It fell into disuse and since then has not been tended to.

TRAVIS: Yeah, nobody’s there.

LAURA: There’s definitely going to be ghosts there. Kashaw?

WILL: Yeah?

LAURA: Do your holy shit when we go there, all right?

WILL: I will absolutely do my holy shit. You don’t want to see the god, but we’ll do the rest of the holy shit. We’ll be fine.

LAURA: Oh, really? Is it not, like, Sarenrae? Sarenrae? Is that your god?

WILL: No.

TRAVIS: No, he’s married, remember?

LAURA: You’re married to a god?! Wait, you’re married and you–

MARISHA: Wait. We didn’t have that conversation with her.

WILL: Yeah, we didn’t. For the record, she married me, and there’s a difference.

SAM: You’re married?

WILL: Technically.

MARISHA: I don’t know if that holds up in court, Vesh.

WILL: She’s not really going to care about court so much as ripping the bones from your back. You really don’t want to meet her. It’s a bad thing. But yes! We can do a whole lot of stuff to get through the ghosts.

LAURA: Good times.

WILL: We’ll just stay away from her. They weren’t good times.

LAURA: I want to hear more about this.

WILL: You really don’t. You won’t sleep.

TRAVIS: So we also need maps, right? We need your maps.

MARY: Yes, I’ve got maps.

TRAVIS: Wait, don’t you have something for me, also?

MARY: Yes, I do. Oh, yes! I do, actually. I forgot. I did keep it with me. As drunk as I was, I do remember telling you about the Moon Hammer. So I did. I brought it. And I give this to you, my friend. I’m very excited.

TRAVIS: How big is it? I know I’m looking at it, but what does it look like?

MATT: You go ahead and explain.

MARY: No, go right ahead.

MATT: It is a fine, smooth, dark metal warhammer that as the handle itself leads towards the heavy head portion of the hammer, the metal turns instead to almost a glistening ivory that has symbols pushed into it. A language you don’t understand, but there’s a giant moon crescent carved into each side of the hammer’s head.

TRAVIS: Whoa.

MARY: It took me weeks to forge it.

TRAVIS: This is beautiful. Can I hit something with it?

MARY: Sure.

TRAVIS: What can I hit with it?

MARY: Scanlan, where are you?

TRAVIS: Scanlan, come here.

SAM: What’s up? What do you need?

TRAVIS: Just stand right there.

SAM: Sure. Whatever you need.

TRAVIS: I reach back halfway and give a quarter-measure (whoomp). Right into Scanlan.

MATT: Make an attack roll. We’ll say with disadvantage because you were taking a half-measure.

TRAVIS: About the same as the Firebrand-ish?

MATT: It’s technically non-magical.

TRAVIS: Okay. 14.

MATT: 14. You manage to just barely, as you see this thing coming towards you, and duck beneath it.

SAM: I thought you were going to tell me a dirty joke, or something! When you say “come here,” usually that’s what that means!

TRAVIS: No, I wanted to try out the hammer.

SAM: Oh. Well then, no! Try it on Vax.

LIAM: I’m already 20 paces away.

TRAVIS: Vax?

LIAM: I go stealth.

MATT: Roll stealth. Roll a perception check.

TRAVIS: Vax! Shit!

LIAM: 27.

TRAVIS: Two.

(laughter)

MATT: Try as you might to look around, Vax is nowhere to be seen.

LIAM: I literally just pivoted around my sister and pressed against her.

TRAVIS: Doing exactly what she does?

SAM: I’m going to use Minor Illusion to make a really shitty Vax. A really cruddy-looking Vax.

LAURA: Not in Vasselheim!

SAM: Oh, shit. Too late.

MATT: Too late. So as you’re looking around, you see this strange quiver of shadow that seems to formulate in the air, and this awkward, still, unmoving, awkward mannequin-type visual recreation of Vax muddles itself there. I need you to roll an insight check.

MARY: (laughs) Please be low.

TRAVIS: It is. Four.

(laughter)

MATT: Finally! Vax cannot evade your vision this time, Grog.

TRAVIS: You stand right there. I swing down in an arc to try and hit Vax.

MATT: Okay. With this weird, awkward half-grin frozen in place. The hammer streaks down through this form and passes completely through it, slamming into the mud beneath, splattering mud up and around you, across your chest, and for a brief instant, Vax completely seems to have evaded the attack.

TRAVIS: (yelps) I killed him! He’s all over me! His bits are all over me!

LAURA: Grog, how could you?! My brother!

TRAVIS: What did you give me?!

MARY: It’s a hell of a hammer, isn’t it?

MATT: With that, the illusion is dissipated and Vax is no longer there before you.

TRAVIS: (screams) (weakly) I’ve killed him. I’ve killed poor Vax.

MARY: Come here, darling.

TRAVIS: What is this evil monstrosity?

MARY: No. Come here. I lead him around the side of Vex.

LIAM: Hey, big guy.

TRAVIS: You’re alive! Come here! And give him a big ol’ squeeze. And I squeeze a little tighter to make sure he doesn’t turn into mud. You turned into mud last time.

MATT: The harder he squeezes you, you fear you may turn into mud.

TRAVIS: Did it hurt? Did the Moon Hammer hurt you?

LIAM: No. No, I was able to dodge both ways apart, and then came back together. It’s my cloak does that.

TRAVIS: Shit, this is like– we’re going to save this for the really nasty fellas. All right, I’m going to put this in the bag.

MARY: All right.

TRAVIS: You know, if a kid or Scanlan or Pike sees it? She’ll be so furious.

MARY: Yeah, she’ll be terrified.

TRAVIS: I put it in the Bag of Holding.

MATT: All right. At this point, Kima has pulled a small flask out and takes a swig and goes, (sighs) “Ah, I’ve missed you.”

WILL: Can you give me a swig of that? Come on.

LAURA: Best friends forever. (gasps)

TRAVIS: (grunts, splutters) Respect.

WILL: Fair enough.

MATT: “So. Are we resting, or are we off? I’m growing impatient.”

TRAVIS and LAURA: We’re off.

LAURA: We’re going to go. We’re going to camp overnight, yeah?

WILL: Sounds perfectly safe.

LAURA: You know what?

TALIESIN: It doesn’t matter if it’s going to be daylight if we’re underground.

LAURA: That’s true. All right. I just think, outside of Vasselheim, you know, things come out at night, but whatever.

WILL: We’ve killed a lot of them.

MARY: Yeah, we have.

LAURA: If you guys think this is the most brilliant decision, I’m on board.

TALIESIN: I’m actually hoping that it’s the worst decision we make, because then everything’s uphill.

LAURA: So much wisdom.

TALIESIN: Thank you. I’m just trying to bring–

TRAVIS: Let’s do it. We’re out.

MARY: Having passed the loch before, would we have an idea of what we might anticipate on the way?

MATT: There are all sorts of things that you could anticipate along the way. There are a number of denizens of this forest that are all sorts of levels of danger. There are roving orcish bands from the far, far northwest, which you encountered on your way to Rimefang. There are a number of other creatures that wander these areas: some of them bestial, some with some element of culture. There are bandits that come from the far west, possibly from across that sea that occasionally try and kill and pillage as best they can. Most everyone avoids the city of Vasselheim, because that place is pretty hardcore by comparison. So yeah, all kinds of things you could find.

MARY: Then I think we should go. We can handle it. Yeah, I’m ready.

LAURA: Keyleth, can’t you turn us all to mist, and then we poof there?

MARISHA: I was going to say, do you want to Mist Walk this? It would be appropriate this time.

LAURA: Then we could be there before the evening.

TRAVIS: Can we control the direction that we move?

MARISHA: Yes.

LAURA: Can you Mist Walk us all, including Trinket?

LIAM: Context is everything.

TALIESIN: Better double-check that.

MARISHA: Let me see how many people I can do.

TRAVIS: How far away is it? Ish?

MATT: At a fast pace on foot, it would take you seven to eight hours.

MARY: I know a place where we can get horses, as well.

LAURA: Horses would die out there.

MARY: That’s all right. They’ve died before. Might need food, as well.

MATT: You guys have a great history of–

SAM: Killing horses?

LIAM: I say we let Keyleth handle it. We swish out and camp for the night.

SAM: Let’s go. Just do it.

MATT: Up to ten willing creatures for Wind Walk.

LAURA: Yay! Let’s do it.

MATT: All right.

MARY and LAURA: (ghost noises)

MARY: We’re like a giant fart.

MATT: For some of you, it’s a familiar, if still uncomfortable, physical feeling as your body–

MARISHA: Just accept it.

WILL: What’s happening?

MARISHA: Just accept it.

MATT: You become this amorphous, cloudy, vaporous form. You can fly at a very swift speed, even against a relatively strong wind.

LAURA: We probably should have talked out our plan before we did this.

MATT: Trinket in his mist form is seemingly very uncomfortable with this circumstance.

MARY: I use Beast Speech. Are you all right? Are you all right, Trinket? Everything okay? I can speak to him.

MATT: “What’s happening?”

MARY: It’s all right, darling. We’re going to a loch. It’s going to be great fishing for you.

MATT: “I will follow.”

LAURA: We can talk in mist form?

MATT: Sure.

(laughter)

MATT: At this point, I don’t give a shit.

WILL: Your fun is wrong. Your fun is wrong!

MARY: Your fun is wrong.

TRAVIS: The t-shirt exists.

MARY: It does. Thanks.

MATT: I can imagine as part of the enchantment, as you guys can pass wind through your mist vocal cords.

MARY: Just about everything. He’s very good at passing wind.

MATT: Oh, he’s delightful.

TRAVIS: You really should just chain up with me and I’ll get us there super quick.

MATT: All right, so you guys begin to head westward, following your previous experience at the direction that it takes you. You push that way. Kima is also still getting used to this whole mist form endeavor. It takes a little bit for you guys to adjust to this locomotion, but it is very swift in comparison to moving on foot. Drifting over the top of the forest canopies, you guys, riding the top in this full-on, Falcor fly-through moment as you’re cruising through the snow-capped forest.

TRAVIS: Like E.T.

LAURA: That’s awesome.

MATT: You can see a cluster of large eagles in the distance. You guys manage to swoop around. Eventually, as the sun begins to make its way towards the horizon– you managed to cut a good four or five hours off your journey on this, making your way towards the Marrowglade Loch. There are certain areas where the canopy itself breaks apart, and you can see ravines, you can see where areas of the topography have cracked or shifted in time, and there are drops that go deep under the earth, though you cannot quite see where they would continue to go, until you make your way to the Marrowglade, and there you can see, still full to the top, if a little icy at the surface, it seems relatively undisturbed. You make your way, all drifting down, back beneath the canopy of the Vesper Timberland, and at the edges of the lake.

MARY: Are there any islands in the loch? Are there any islands or any sort of rocks or outcroppings, or anything within the loch itself?

MATT: No, actually. It’s a pretty solid surface, and as you guys have drifted down in your form, looking at it, you can see that there is a layer of ice. You’re not quite sure how thick, but the surface is very crystalline.

TALIESIN: Any remnants of ruins around the loch?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: From above, could I see any sort of caverns or openings in the ground, or something that looked like caves? That’s what I was keeping my eye out for as we went.

MATT: Make a perception check for you, as well.

TALIESIN: 25.

MATT: 25. You see there are bits of stone scattered about 30 feet out from the lake’s edge. Going to inspect them, and looking about them, there are pieces of fallen walls and what appear to be elements of the tomb, possibly before it fell within, but you do not see any sort of opening or entrance. It’s just a part of some structure, some foundation that was left behind.

WILL: Are there any runes or any markings of any kind?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LAURA: 22 is what I rolled.

MATT: 22? Nothing near the loch. The largest chasm or portion of land that you saw that was broken and receded into the earth itself was probably about a half-mile to a mile back. Nothing that is in the immediate vicinity of this lake.

LAURA: Okay. Is this technically– are we in the woods? Is this my favored terrain again?

MATT: Yes. You guys have come down into the forest. You’re all still in mist form, so you’re unable to directly interact with anything in the area.

WILL: 11.

MATT: 11? Doesn’t seem to have any specific elements or markings.

MARY: Can I try, as well, because I can read any writing that we find? May I make a check, as well?

MATT: Make an investigation check. Sure.

MARY: Oh, that’s terrible. Never mind!

MATT: So, you guys all rest around the outskirts of this lake.

LAURA: How do we stop being like this?

MARISHA: Just think about it. Think about being a person again.

TRAVIS: How high are we?

MATT: As high as you want to be. Right now, everyone has come down to the edge of the lake, so you’re right off the ground.

LAURA: Should we turn like people again?

MARISHA: Yeah, let’s turn like people again.

LAURA: Tell Trinket to turn like a bear.

WILL: Why is everyone talking like this?

LAURA: Oh, can we talk normal? Oh.

MARY: Trinket, hon. Just concentrate on turning back into a bear, and you’ll turn back into a bear.

MATT: “Okay.”

LAURA: Tell him I love him.

MARY: Oh! And Vex loves you.

MATT: (laughs) If a bear could grin, it would. However, the process is very strange as you see this misty cloud (poof) into a bear. It’s about a minute for the full transformation. The spell still maintains its eight-hour time period, and you can transform back and forth during that eight-hour period.

LAURA: Killer.

MATT: So we’ll say it’s been about three to four hours, so you’re about half-duration. All of you eventually take a minute to revert back to your physical forms, and you’re all now standing at the edge of the lake.

LIAM: So for the next eight hours, with a little bit of concentration, we can jump back and forth?

MATT: Next four hours.

LIAM: Next four hours. We can spend a minute to go (foomf) and (foomf)?

MATT: Yep. You just can’t do anything while you’re in that form, other than move.

LIAM: Yes, I remember.

WILL: Can you move underwater?

LAURA: (gasps) Can we mist underwater? Can farts travel underwater?

MARISHA: I guess if we get trapped underwater, we could just concentrate and turn into bubbles.

LAURA: That’s kind of cool.

MARISHA: Right? That would work, theoretically.

WILL: Or we’ll all drown.

LAURA: Or we’ll drown.

MARY: It’s a freshwater loch, right?

TRAVIS: I don’t know. I walk up to the edge of the loch and I look in the water. What does the water look like?

LAURA and LIAM: It’s ice.

MATT: So your head goes (boosh). A little crack. (cracking noise)

TRAVIS: It’s ice!

MATT: As he says that, you see a trickle of crimson streaking down the front of his head.

LAURA: Thank you, Grog.

TRAVIS: Welcome!

TALIESIN: I’m going to put some pressure on the ice with my foot. Is it giving, or is it not giving?

MATT: At the place where he put his head, or any other place?

TALIESIN: No, I’m walking. I’m just testing the ice.

MATT: Okay. Testing it with your foot on the edge, it doesn’t seem to be any give. Looking up close, you can see it’s probably a good inch and a half of ice.

LAURA: Can I go hit the place where Grog hit his head and see if I can crack a hole in the ice?

MATT: Yeah. It takes you a few minutes, but you manage to break apart and make a head-sized hole.

LIAM: And how thick is it, based on what she just did?

MATT: It’s about an inch.

LIAM: Oh, just an inch. Ooh.

LAURA: This is going to suck! And I put my head underwater to see if I can look around.

MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage.

LAURA: Oh, shit!

MARY: It’s good, though!

LAURA: Oh, with disadvantage. Doesn’t it count as disadvantage by destroying the rest of my dice?

LIAM: Yeah!

LAURA: Perception. That is a 31? No, 41.

LIAM: No, 71.

MATT: You see through reality!

LAURA: Yeah, 31.

MATT: Giant floating baby right outside of the planet, in space.

LAURA: What?!

MATT: All right, so. Glancing through the murky water beneath the ice’s surface, it is dark, and what little bit of light that would be hitting the surface is refracting through the ice, so it’s very hard to get a form. You can see there’s a very thick layer of bottom-of-the-lake undergrowth: various underwater plants that have caked the entire floor area of the lake. However, you can just see, at the edge of your vision before the rest of the light is swallowed by the water and the murkiness of the depths, you can see what looks to be the edge of some sort of stone structure, where two walls would be joined, but they break off and crumble and disappear into more of the undergrowth.

LAURA: (gasps, coughs) It’s down there. Oh, it’s so cold!

LIAM: I take her braid and I start wringing it out.

LAURA: My poor little feathers are like, poo.

MARY: Can I use my staff to cast Light and shove it down in to see if we can get any light out of it, beneath the ice?

MATT: Sure. You cast Light at the end of your staff. It glows and illuminates and as you shove it down, the light disperses beneath the ice.

TALIESIN: I’m going to take my mask and put it on, and use the glass to create a clear view into the water.

MARY: Should give you some light, Percy.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

MATT: Okay, so having to close one eye separately, as the light source is literally right in your face, you do look past, using the air trapped in the mask. A little bit of water is peeking in because it’s not perfect. You do manage to see beyond that yes, there is indeed an element. It looks almost like a slightly tilted peak of some sort of structure that comes to a point, and the top of the point is broken off and crumbled, and there are a couple of sections of stone that seem to offshoot at four different points towards the very bottom of the lake itself.

LAURA: How deep does it look?

MATT: I’d say it’s about 50 to 60 feet deep.

TALIESIN: 50 to 60 feet deep.

LAURA: Oh. Good, good.

TALIESIN: Give or take.

LIAM: Do you want to try to cloud-creep our way in there?

MARISHA: How far away is it under the ice?

TALIESIN: About 30 to 50 feet.

MARISHA: Let’s stand over top of where it is.

LAURA: Is there any way– because I have this horrible feeling that we’re going to get underwater, and then we won’t be able to get out because it’s covered in ice. Can we melt the ice? Can you do something?

MARISHA: I was about to do that, yeah, but I want to go over– Right above it.

TALIESIN: Oh, that’s a perfect idea.

MARISHA: Yeah, so.

LAURA: Walk carefully.

TRAVIS: Are we all going in?

LAURA: I feel like we should.

SAM: This is the same day as the monk fight?

MATT: Yep.

LAURA: We didn’t rest?! We’re idiots.

TRAVIS: But we were going to camp when we got here, right?

MATT: It’s about dusk now, if you guys are landing.

LAURA: Let’s camp– oh, god.

MARY: So we’re going to take a rest. What if I–

TALIESIN: We can at least start setting up in the meantime.

MARY: So if we rest, will it be a long rest? Overnight?

LIAM: Yeah, we’re going to camp for the night. I don’t think we should–

SAM: But our mist form will dissipate, so if we want to mist it, we should mist it now and check it out.

LAURA: I’m going to try to mist down and just see if I can.

LIAM: I’m going with her.

MARISHA: I have Water Breathing. We could do that, too.

MARY: Or we could Polymorph and do something.

LIAM: Well, let’s just use the magic you already expended first.

MATT: You pull out your brand new hammer.

TRAVIS: Yeah, the Moon Hammer!

MATT: (doosh, doosh) Ice shards flying off, splashing in the water. You’re covered in this ice-cold water now.

LAURA: I’m concentrating on making myself a fart.

MATT: Vex turns into a large, gaseous form.

LAURA: He’s doing it, too.

MATT: Okay, the two twins, (foomf) together.

LIAM: Twin farts.

MARY: I’d also like to use Sculptor of Flesh and Polymorph myself into a very large alligator.

MATT: All right.

MARY: And go down and check it out.

MATT: All right. You guys, all three of you, descend into the open portion of the lake that Grog has broken through.

LAURA: Can we go in as gas?

LIAM: Can we breathe?

MATT: You guys do. It’s a slog, and you can move slowly, but the speed that’s normally granted to you by this– you actually move slower in this form underwater than you would normally, swimming, and as you submerge yourselves, you realize, even in this form, air is required, and you start (straining noises).

LAURA: I go back up.

MATT: The forms– it’s almost like mist appearing on the edge of the lake that (fwoosh) forms up into your two different forms.

MARISHA: So pretty.

MATT: You, however, still delve down as your alligator, and you swim your way down across the bottom of the lake.

LIAM: Percy, we did some science! That didn’t work.

TALIESIN: Congratulations. That’s good to know.

MARISHA: All right, if we rest, I can learn Water Breathing.

LAURA: Oh, killer.

SAM: Our good old Zahra is already down there looking.

LAURA: Let’s try to set up camp in the trees, so we’re not on the ground.

TRAVIS: Yeah, like in Whitestone.

WILL: As they’re setting up camp, Kash doesn’t leave the side of the lake. He’s just watching for where Z went in. He’s just staring the whole time.

MATT: All right, so as you guys are setting up camp in a similar way that you did in Whitestone, up within the actual tree canopy itself, I need you to make an investigation check.

LAURA: Any sign of her, Kash?

WILL: Nothing yet.

MARY: Oh, natural 20.

(cheering)

LAURA: Oh! Natural 20.

MATT: As you check around the ruins, looking about, you can see there appears to be two different entrances that are both completely caved in. What you do see, though, is there’s an area of the bottom of the lake, about ten feet away from one of the edges of the temple itself, that there is no undergrowth. There’s the muddy floor, but it appears as if there is no actual plant life that has grown in this ten-foot-circle area.

MARY: Can I investigate that area?

MATT: It’s mud.

MARY: It’s just mud. All right. Can I get down with my fabulous snout and dig down into the mud a little bit?

MATT: Okay. You take your snout and dig through the mud and bring up some clouds of dirt and whatever scum has congealed at the bottom of this pond. It murks up the water around you. Your vision is obscured. Doesn’t seem to be revealing anything, per se.

MARY: But I do see an entrance?

MATT: You see what would be an entrance to the structure, but the stonework itself has collapsed in on itself.

MARY: Can I see any writing? Any runes, any sign of carvings on the rocks at all?

MATT: Actually, no. It’s pretty plain. The exterior is pretty damn plain in presentation. What minor bits of design or grooves that were put into the stone to give it a presentational bump have eroded over time, but beyond that, it seems surprisingly plain.

MARY: What the hell would cause no plant life? And I can do no more investigating than just that?

MATT: What else would you want to try and do?

MARY: (laughing) I don’t know.

MATT: You are welcome to do whatever you want to do while you’re here.

LAURA: Maybe Keyleth can find out something.

MARY: All right, then I’ll go back up to the surface and report back what I saw.

MATT: All right.

WILL: Right when she gets out, he throws his cloak over her.

MARY: And I transform back into myself and whack him on the butt as a thanks.

LAURA: With your tail?

MARY: With my tail.

TALIESIN: That’s what tails are for.

MATT: You guys return, and you relay what you found to the rest of the group as you guys are preparing yourselves. At this point, the sun has set, and the night itself is going from red to dark purple to a proper evening sky. Anything else you wish to prepare for the evening before you all find yourselves resting?

LIAM: Yeah. Sit on the ground. Your hair’s a mess. I undo the braid and I just – starting over.

LAURA: (yelps)

LIAM: Hold still.

MATT: All right. Anyone else?

MARY: Can I go speak to Keyleth about what I saw?

MATT: Yeah.

MARY: Keyleth, I saw something strange down there. I told everyone before, but I just don’t know what it is, and I’m not quite sure how to go about finding out what’s inside there. There’s no plant life whatsoever, and you have a connection, do you not, to plants, to trees? A much stronger one than I certainly do, I would imagine.

MARISHA: I do. I could attempt to see what happened. What do you mean, there was no plant life?

MARY: Well, I went down. There were two entrances, and obviously they had crumbled and were no longer accessible, and it seemed like there was one more, but around it– there was pretty substantial plant life all around, coming out from the ground, but in about a ten-foot area, there was nothing there. And I tried to get down in with my snout, but all I did was kick up more silt, and I couldn’t really see anything.

MARISHA: Strange. This was at the bottom of the ocean floor?

MARY: Of the loch, yes.

LAURA and MARY: The loch.

MARISHA: Can I do a nature check to see if that sounds like anything familiar and could be a problem?

MATT: Sure, go ahead and make a nature check.

LAURA: Did it seem like a perfect circle, Zahra, or was it jaggedy?

MATT: It wasn’t mathematically perfect, but it was noticeable to be a section of the lake floor that was glaring to be missing in a large patch.

LAURA: How soft was the ground when you dug into it? It was softer than the rest of the ground?

MATT: It was very soft.

MARY: I just stuck my snout in it, and it kicked up all the mud, and I couldn’t see anything after that.

LAURA: Sounds to me like a creature that would burrow.

MARISHA: It’s possible. 18.

MATT: 18? From what you understand, the reasons for something to not grow on the bottom of the lake would mean that the dirt and the surrounding earth would have to be disturbed enough to where nothing could take root.

WILL: It’s a lair.

LAURA: Do I know of any creatures that are underwater–

MARISHA: That burrow? Giant worms?

LAURA: Is it like the worms that we encountered before?

MATT: From what you know and have researched about the worm you discovered previously, they tend to favor more rocky, mountainous terrain than underwater. There are many creatures that can burrow.

MARISHA: Are there any underwater serpents?

MATT: Plenty of underwater serpents. There’s all sorts of manner of creatures in this world.

LAURA: It’s possible it’s a creature that’s burrowing, or it’s possible that’s an opening into our underwater cavern, and nothing can grow there.

MARISHA: It could be a sinkhole. It could lead to–

WILL: Could be a chimney.

MARISHA: Unlikely, but it could be a chimney.

MARY: Working for the Slayer’s Take, and having done research on the animals that we have destroyed for money, would there be anything that we would know about serpents, or another creature that might inhabit this loch?

MATT: Serpents in lakes? Nothing that would be monumental beyond actual water serpents, which are minor inconveniences and just natural creatures. Anything of this size, per se– there are all sorts of entities that it could be, but none that would be specific to a lake location, necessarily. Whether it be a subterranean creature that uses it for passage, or if there’s something that lives in the lake, or is part of the lake, living in the water itself, nothing comes to mind, from your experience.

MARISHA: What time is it?

MATT: It’s past sunset. It’s now in proper night.

MARISHA: Let me go take a look, real quick.

LAURA: You’re going underwater now? It’s freezing cold!

TRAVIS: We’re all going in there, anyway.

MARISHA: I can do my beast thing. I’ll be fine. I jump in and go shark form.

LIAM: I go to the edge of the loch and watch.

WILL: So do I.

MATT: Okay, so the two of you are waiting at the edge of the loch? Keyleth jumps off the edge, and in midair, forms into this giant shark form that slams into the surface of the cold water through the opening that Grog had already opened.

LAURA: She’s really attractive now, isn’t she? That shark.

LIAM: I’m with Kash, man. What?

LAURA: Huh?

(laughter)

MATT: All right. Make an investigation check.

MARISHA: I can’t do nature, or anything like that?

MATT: Are you inspecting the ruin? What do you want to do?

MARISHA: Can I see if the hole is natural-made, or man-made?

MATT: Investigation check.

MARISHA: Damn it.

MATT: There’s a difference between your knowledge of nature vs. actually having to investigate a specific detail.

MARISHA: 14?

MATT: 14. If you’re looking at the area that she was mentioning, where the plant life is missing, it doesn’t appear to be man-made, by any means. It just looks to have formed by some perpetual disturbance of the muddy earth in that vicinity.

LAURA: Sounds like a creature.

MATT: Anything else you want to investigate while you’re down there?

MARISHA: Does there appear to be any type of motion, or does it look like it’s going downward, or is it just flat?

MATT: It has some variation to it, and there’s a portion that appears to have been dug up, or at least, there is a slight indentation.

MARISHA: Let me do a quick lap around the ruins and see if I see anything that jumps out at me.

MATT: Okay. Make another investigation check about the ruins, specifically.

MARISHA: Oy. 11.

MATT: 11. Looking about, same details that she made out about it. You do see there is one other stone entrance of the partially tilted stone structure. Looks almost like there was a double doorway there, at one side of it, but a series of stones and a portion of the structure have crumbled in on it, and it has blocked the passage.

MARISHA: Does it look to be a similar downward suction thing going on like the other hole?

(laughter)

MATT: Looks like a partially collapsed, or completely collapsed entrance to this structure.

MARISHA: Okay.

WILL: “Downward suction thing.”

(laughter)

MARISHA: That’s the scientific term.

MATT: CSI: Vasselheim.

(laughter)

MARISHA: I bounce out.

MATT: Okay. The shark (boosh) out of the water, catches you off for a second, almost Jaws-ride style.

MARISHA: Three point landing. Hi, guys.

LIAM: Fin, fin.

MARISHA: Yeah, fin, fin. Land shark.

MATT: There you go. Keyleth reverts to her normal form.

MARISHA: I’m with Zahra. Seems like something scary is probably burrowing down there. We’ll probably just have to avoid it tomorrow.

MARY: There are no other entrances. That could be the entrance.

TALIESIN: We can unblock some of the blocked entrances. That’s what we’re going to have to do, is unblock the blocked entrance.

LIAM: It’s going to be a big day tomorrow. We should probably get some sleep.

MARY: When I went around the ruins, did I notice how large the stones were that had fallen in for the blocked entrance?

MATT: They varied in size, because it was part of the wall that had fallen in on itself, so there are sections that are three, three and a half feet in diameter, and there are also a number of smaller, head-sized rocks and chunks that had all filled in this space. A lot of the general soot and mud that had gathered as part of the lake’s creation had filled in and covered elements of it and seeped in to form this pucker-point, if you will.

LAURA: (laughs) Pucker point.

TALIESIN: It’s getting weird tonight.

MARY: It’s an anus of the loch. The loch has an anus.

LAURA: We should settle down to sleep.

LIAM: (Scottish accent) Oh, you’re going to Loch Anus, are you?

MARY: (Scottish accent) I love Loch Anus! It’s very muddy. Very muddy. Well, it is! I put my nose in it.

(all make sounds of dismay)

MARY: I did, as a crocodile.

MATT: Why are you making it weird?

(laughter)

LAURA: As we’re settling down to sleep, I make sure that Trinket is laying between Kash and Keyleth, always.

MATT: All right.

MARISHA: I just snuggle up with Trinket. Hey, bud.

LAURA: Yeah. Trinket, keep Keyleth warm. She’s cold. She was in the water.

MATT: All right.

WILL: He’s a big bear.

MATT: He’s a very big bear, and the moment that you glance over and give a look. Without even looking at you, you just hear this, (growls).

WILL: Okay, fair enough.

MATT: All right. Anything else you wish to prepare for the evening?

TALIESIN: I’m good.

MATT: All right. You all find yourselves asleep–

ALL: Wait, wait, wait!

LIAM: I’ll take first watch.

(laughter)

WILL: Who’s watching?

LIAM: What are you doing, man?

MARY: Then they all died in their sleep.

LAURA: You need to rest. You got beat up.

LIAM: We take fucking turns.

LAURA: You go to sleep. I’m going to stay up for a little bit because I’m fine.

MARY: I’ll stay up with Vex.

LIAM: All right.

TALIESIN: Wake me up when you’re done with your shift.

MARISHA: Yeah, wake me up whenever.

LAURA: We climb up in the tree and keep watch.

LIAM: I find the only empty spot of fur on Trinket left and snuggle into it.

MATT: Okay. The whole process of getting Trinket up into the tree itself is hilarious.

LAURA: It’s difficult.

MATT: It’s a group effort, to a certain extent. There’s a difference between climbing a tree and getting up into a tree and then getting into a comfortable place where you can rest and not destroy the tree. It’s a combination of minor druidic talents to create an element of the tree’s growth that would be able to support a weight the size of a bear.

MARISHA: Yeah, I grow a basket.

MATT: Yeah. You’ve done it before.

TALIESIN: A bear basket.

LAURA: Trinket’s very thankful.

MATT: All right, the two of you keep watch for the first watch. We’ll say for about a four-hour period. Okay. As the end of your watch progresses, I need you both to make a perception check.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

MARY: Each of us?

MATT: The two that were taking watch. The twins.

LAURA: He went to bed. I was awake.

MARY: We stayed up.

WILL: Because something’s coming out of Loch Anus.

SAM: A dark force is coming out of Loch Anus.

LAURA: It’s okay, I’m good. 34.

MARY: Six.

MATT: Looking off towards the other side of the lake, you see, under what little bit of moonlight is peeking through the cloud cover over the area, which breaks up every now and then. You can see a few stars glistening, and a little of the moon peeks through. Catches your attention, specifically, as the moon is the essence of your patron. Through your vision, you can see a handful of small– I say small. Small from this distance, but relatively large, Trinket-sized furry entities that cluster up to the edge of the lake on the opposite side.

LAURA: Trinket-sized furry entities? I can’t see if they’re actually bears.

MATT: Not at this distance, no.

LAURA: I cast Pass Without a Trace on everyone around me, and I stealth. We’re already stealthed.

TRAVIS: What’s the circumference of the lake?

MATT: The full distance around it? I’d say 250 to 300 feet. It’s not a huge lake.

TRAVIS: It’s a giant pond.

WILL: So they’re not that far away, then?

LAURA: 24.

MATT: They’re about 50, 60 feet from you guys right now.

MARY: I have darkvision. Can I see them?

MATT: Darkvision up to a certain distance.

MARY: 60 feet.

MATT: I’d say, best you can look at it, you’ve encountered these in the past, and this appears to be a small group of evening-wandering owlbears that are passing through the vicinity.

LAURA: Owlbears!

MARY: I can talk to them.

LIAM: Big, angry bastards.

SAM: Oh, well why didn’t you just say so?

MATT: They do not appear to notice your presence, and are just passing through.

LAURA: Let’s just watch them.

MARY: What are they?

SAM: Throw things at them!

LAURA: We just sit and enjoy this magical moment of seeing the rare owlbear in person.

MARISHA: (whispering) So majestic.

SAM: Quick! Start eating a Tootsie Pop.

MARY: One.

LAURA AND MARY: Two.

ALL: Three!

(laughter)

MATT: Mr. Owl’s bad, but Mr. Turtle was a real dick because he’s the one who sent the kid to it, knowing full well the owl was going to eat that treat. The true villain’s Mr. Turtle.

WILL: What about the education of the kid, where he’s got to go to animals to learn things– oh, forget it.

LIAM: Half the audience is going, “yeah.” And half the audience is going, “what the fuck are they talking about?”

MATT: You get slightly nervous as the owlbears make their way closer to your edge of the lake, going to where the initial breaking of the ice was set by Grog. They all drink of the ice-cold water, and then eventually make their way scare on the opposite side of the forest.

LAURA: Did they leave any feathers behind?

MATT: A couple, maybe?

LAURA: After they get away, I want to climb down and gather the feathers that they left behind.

MATT: You find two owlbear feathers.

LAURA: Okay!

MARY: We can put them in our hair.

LAURA: I want to fletch an arrow. Owlbear arrows.

MATT: Okay. What kits do you have with you?

LAURA: Oh, shit. Really? You know. Those ones I have.

MATT: Make a dexterity check. Just a straight dexterity check.

LAURA: Okay.

LIAM: Where did you get those thieves’ tools?

LAURA: I have thieves’ tools because I’m a thief now.

LIAM: Where did you get them? Did you buy them?

LAURA: I stole them, dude.

LIAM: Stole them from where? When? I don’t remember that. Did that happen in-game, or did you make that up?

LAURA: Matt told me I have thieves’ tools! Dick. 27. 27 dexterity.

MATT: He is asleep. Talking in his sleep.

MARY: Voice in my head. Brother. Twin.

LAURA: Shut up!

MATT: You finish out the rest of your watch. Using the moonlight at your disposal, you manage to make a couple of owlbear arrows with the feathers you found.

LAURA: These are special.

MATT: They’re functional. They’ll do.

LAURA: Cool.

TRAVIS: They’re fucking feathers.

LAURA: Shut up. I’m writing, “two owlbear arrows.”

MATT: Next watch?

LIAM: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Hello.

MATT: All right. You guys go to sleep. The two of you stay up. All right. You watch and the next four hours go by, unhindered.

LAURA: Oh, I warn them there’s owlbears in the area before I go to sleep.

LIAM: Where? What the–

WILL: About three hours into their shift, can I come and relieve him?

LIAM: Wait! I wanted to talk to him. You’ve got to wait.

(laughter)

WILL: I’ll wait. I’ll wait.

LIAM: Percival.

TALIESIN: Yes?

LIAM: De Rolo. How are you doing? A lot’s going on. A lot. But it hasn’t been that long.

TALIESIN: No, I’m pleased for the distraction, honestly. I feel– (sighs)

LIAM: Has Orthax fully left the building?

TALIESIN: I don’t hear anything anymore, if that’s what you’re asking.

LIAM: It is.

TALIESIN: I think– I think all I’m manifesting at this point is scars. Honestly, I feel a little lost now. I’m really not entirely sure what I’m doing with myself.

LIAM: Can I tell you, I believe you are a good man.

TALIESIN: Thank you.

LIAM: If you listen to your better angels, and they’re within your friends. Listen to them. I don’t want to be pushy. I’m sorry. But you have a family, if you want it.

TALIESIN: I know. I’ve been thinking, a lot, about why we’re together and what we’re doing.

LIAM: I think we all are, yeah.

TALIESIN: And the conclusion that I’ve been coming to so far (sighs) and Pike being the exception to this rule, as she’s the exception to so many things, is I think we’re very broken people, but I think together, we are far greater than the sum of our parts. I like who we are together, and I think that’s important.

LIAM: I agree with that.

TALIESIN: And I like the influence that everyone has on each other, and this includes, perhaps, you taking some strides with yourself. (sighs)

LIAM: How do you mean?

TALIESIN: It’s good to want things. It’s very, very good to want things. It’s also very, very good to have things. It’s good to– it’s good to find the things that are important to you and move towards them. I’m in a place where I’m realizing that I have to make decisions about what’s important, and I’m a little envious that you seem to be ahead of the curve on that.

LIAM: I wish I felt that way.

TALIESIN: I know.

LIAM: Well. I started talking to you. I just– I’m sorry if I’ve done anything to offend you.

TALIESIN: Never.

LIAM: We’re a bit of an awkward family, but we are trying.

TALIESIN: And I apologize for any of the mistakes I’ve made, and honestly any of the mistakes I’m likely to make, but I am starting to imagine a better version of myself. I’m not quite sure who that is yet, but there is a destiny, I think, for us all together.

LIAM: This is all a lot bigger than us individually now.

TALIESIN: We’ve been given mighty deeds to accomplish. We will rise. Or if we fail, no one will ever know. (chuckles)

LIAM: (laughs) There’s comfort in that. All right. I’ve said my piece.

MATT: At which point, you hear a voice say, “Good. I’m trying to sleep.”

(laughter)

MATT: The clinking of armor as Kima rolls over on one of the branches and is face-palming at the conversation.

LIAM: You are really fucking cool. You know that, don’t you?

MATT: At this point, you hear a distant screech that echoes across the night sky. All of you wake up. While not extremely loud, it is very noticeable and cuts through the silence, as there is a very still wind tonight.

LIAM: Even if my sister’s waking up, I kick her hard in the ass.

LAURA: Ah! Fuck you!

MATT: You two, make a perception check.

SAM: Have we achieved our long rest yet?

MATT: Not yet, no.

LIAM: 22.

TALIESIN: 17.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I have Pass Without a Trace cast on us–

MATT: As you went to sleep, you didn’t.

LAURA: Shitballs…

(laughter)

MATT: As you guys are coming back to consciousness, you see a shape that’s just– can’t make out the actual details of it, but it coasts across the distant sky, across the clouds, and a little bit of moonlight framing the image.

TALIESIN: I pull out Bad News and I’m just going to try and use the scope to trail.

MATT: Okay. You pick it up and what you see in the distance is a very, very large bird, cresting across the distance. It doesn’t appear to be coming in your direction, but it just slowly makes its way just over the opening in the canopy.

LIAM: I am of course reminded of the giant roc. Is it the same shape?

MATT: It’s pretty damn close. It disappears over the opposite side–

SAM: Wait, is it our guy?

MARISHA: He lived!

LIAM: After I’ve kicked her, I grab Keyleth by the shoulder and I start waking her up. Roc. Roc. Roc!

MARISHA: Does it look like the same one?

MATT: It does. You catch it just before it disappears over the distant horizon. It arcs away and then vanishes past.

MARISHA: (whispering) He made it!

TALIESIN: It’s very pretty, I don’t understand what–

LAURA: It’s the cow-roc. When we were cows! When we saved a roc.

TALIESIN: Was I? I don’t think I was there.

MARISHA: Percy was having– you were having an episode. And locked yourself in the basement.

LAURA: Oh shit, Percy.

MARY: Kash, it’s the big bird.

WILL: I remember that.

LAURA: You’ve seen it?

MARY and WILL: Of course, of course.

WILL: When were you cows?

MARISHA: Oh, it’s a long story.

WILL: Okay, fair enough.

MARISHA: We saved him, though, and we told him to come here!

WILL: We see him all the time. A fixture in the night sky.

TRAVIS: It was just a bird? I go back to sleep.

MATT: The rest of you go back to sleep. You guys are finishing up your watch. Did you want to–?

WILL: I’ll take a watch.

TALIESIN: All right, I’m out.

MATT: Okay. So is it just Kash taking this next one?

SAM: Oh, I’ll– nope. (laughs) Do I need my sleep still?

MATT: No, you’ve had a full eight hours’ rest.

SAM: Okay, I’ll stay with you.

WILL: Good. We’ll nap it up.

LAURA: I elbow him. You’re snoring a-fucking-gain–

LIAM: Shut the fuck up.

SAM: So. I’ve seen you checking out some of the members of our little group, here.

WILL: This is a very interesting group you have here, that’s for sure.

SAM: Listen, Vax doesn’t fly that way, I don’t think. I know you’ve been eyeing him pretty good.

WILL: Huh?

SAM: Vax. I’m just looking out for you, brother. He’s not available for you.

WILL: What else do your keen eyes perceive?

SAM: I see the way you’ve been flirting with him. It’s adorable.

WILL: That’s funny. I didn’t think anyone was going to pick up on it.

SAM: Well, I’m a romantic, so I notice these things.

WILL: You are that. You are that. He has a way about him, you have to admit.

SAM: He does. He has a flair– it’s not my thing, obviously. I go for the lady hookers.

WILL: Well. To each his own, am I right?

SAM: Yes, yes, but no, you have good taste in men.

WILL: Yeah. Thank you.

SAM: He’s a dashing young rogue.

WILL: He is. And this crew is lucky to have you.

SAM: Yes. Yes. They are. They really are. That’s your keen eye at work!

WILL: Well. We all see what we see, don’t we? Incredible. Just– incredible.

SAM: Can I give you a bit of advice?

WILL: Please. Please do.

SAM: You know, you have to follow your heart, so if you do have feelings for the lad, you at least have to tell him. Even if he won’t return them to you.

WILL: It’s funny, I’ve been wanting to have a conversation with him for quite a while now. We have a lot to discuss.

SAM: Oh yes, what about?

WILL: Oh, you know, this and that. Feelings, as you would call them. Romance, as you would say.

SAM: You are so in touch with those.

WILL: I know.

(laughter)

WILL: I do my best. When you’ve lived the sheltered and wonderful life I have–

SAM: Oh, yes?

WILL: It’s not often you meet a man like that. So you run towards him. Some would say, with your spear out.

(laughter)

SAM: TMI, my friend. TMI–

WILL: That. Is funny. Well, you’re right, we do have quite a bit to talk about.

SAM: Yeah, we have another two and a half hours on this watch.

LAURA: I wake up. Can you guys talk a little quieter? Some of us are sleeping.

WILL: Are you going to be able to get her on board with my little plan for her brother?

SAM: I think she just wants her brother to be happy, you know.

WILL: And that’s wonderful. How do you come up with your songs, by the way?

SAM: Oh, well, you know. I think of like, a word, and then I try to think of a rhyme for it. Like, 'Kashaw’, like, what could that be? That could be 'pshaw’! You know, something like that, I don’t know, I’m working on that, I’m working on it.

WILL: That’s amazing. It’s a skill that I’ve never had before. But I guess as you said, when you really take in the world and can see people and how they feel, you can really write a powerful ballad.

SAM: I’m a man of the world, I’m well-traveled, I’m cultured–

TALIESIN: (snorts awake) Rickshaw, rickshaw– (snores)

SAM: Rickshaw’s a good one! Let me tell you, secret weapon. I sleep near Percy a lot and he rhymes in his sleep. It’s the strangest thing. Here, I’ll show you, I’ll show you. I haven’t a fear in the world!

TALIESIN: (mutters incomprehensibly)

(laughter)

SAM: Sometimes it takes a while.

WILL: I don’t. I don’t understand.

SAM: It takes a while.

WILL: Okay.

TALIESIN: (mumbles) Something rhymes with world.

SAM: See? It’s amazing. Every time. Every time.

WILL: Absolutely incredible.

MATT: As the hours pass–

(laughter)

MATT: Through intense conversation and learning about one another, the sky comes to a glow with the rising sun.

WILL: For the love of god, let something attack us.

MATT: The rest of the group finds themselves to consciousness. The cold morning air and frozen bits of early-morning dew across the grass and growth in the forest.

LIAM: Hm, my ears feel really hot this morning, I don’t know why that is.

TALIESIN: I’ve been breathing on them.

LIAM: What?

TRAVIS: What about the little hole in the lake that we smashed? Is it still there, or did it freeze over?

MATT: The hole’s still there, but there is a very thin layer of what appears to be forming ice that could be easily cracked.

TRAVIS: I got it, I’ll do that. And I go and take my morning wee right on the little hole where it’s starting to freeze back over.

MATT: There you go. Grog has now effectively peed in the Marrowglade Loch.

WILL: Kash walks over to also pee and looks down at Grog and goes, “Holy god.” And just turns and walks.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: And that’s canon, folks.

TRAVIS: That’s the sound of 20,000 pens hitting paper.

WILL: For the love of god.

MATT: Two weeks, folks. We’ve been storing this up. All right. So what’s the plan, guys?

LAURA: I guess we should breathe underwater and head down, right?

WILL: Can we handle the cold, is the question I want to know.

MARISHA: That is true. How cold is that lake?

MATT: It’s– the surface is near-freezing by the just general temperature of the morning air. You’re liable to get hypothermia if you spend any extended period of time in the water.

LAURA: Extended period.

WILL: Can we send somebody down to try to find the entrance and get in before the rest of us go down there and flounder around?

LAURA: I can, well. I have really good perception, so. I can go down and see if I can find an opening that you guys didn’t see yesterday. LIAM: I’m going to take a walk around the whole thing and see if I can see anything on the edges.

MARISHA: How big– you said the lake was like 350 feet–

MATT: It’s about 350 feet circumference around. It’s not a very, very large–

WILL: I can destroy water, but I don’t know.

MARISHA: I can control water.

LAURA: Could you, like, make a, you know, parting of the Red Sea sort of thing?

MARISHA: I might be able to, actually, yeah.

LAURA: Try that.

LIAM: Did a 22 perception check around the edge of the loch find anything?

MATT: Nothing beyond the edge of the lake. There isn’t, I mean, you find bits and pieces of broken stone, but nothing that seems to be indicative of a change in topography.

TALIESIN: I would actually say breathe underwater would be the safer bet in case something happens. If we have to escape, we don’t want to necessarily rely on your consciousness.

SAM: I can make us all look like fish.

LAURA: Oh, that’s good. Useful. That could be useful if something was attacking and they wouldn’t attack fish.

TALIESIN: Yes, they’re like, oh look, fish, I’m not going to eat that. I’m so bored of it.

SAM: I’ll workshop that one.

LIAM: Yeah, it’s good that you have it, but just hold onto it for a rainy day.

MARISHA: I can focus to part the waters for about ten minutes.

LIAM: Ten minutes? That’s more than enough time.

LAURA: I’ll run in, search around.

SAM: You? We’ll all run in!

LAURA: We’ll all run in, search around like maniacs for ten minutes.

LIAM: Grog, are you ready to dig?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MARISHA: And then if we don’t find anything, then I can still cast Breathe Water on us.

SAM: How much water can you displace?

MATT: A cube of up to 100 feet on a side, so you could pretty much part the entire lake.

LAURA: Let’s do it and run down and search.

MARY: In doing so, could she get all the water out of the lake so that it would be gone forever, or is it just a temporary parting?

LAURA: I feel like that’s killing a lot of wildlife.

MARISHA: Are there a lot of fish in here?

MATT: You’ve been around. There are some fish that live in here.

LIAM: Let’s just get in there. Let’s not destroy the loch.

MARISHA: Yeah, I probably can’t even get all of it out, but let me– Let me see what I can do.

MATT: So you cast Control Water?

MARISHA: I guess I cast Control Water.

LAURA: Keyleth, I have total faith in you.

MARISHA: Thank you.

SAM: Go, Keyleth. Go.

MATT: As Keyleth completes the spell in a rapid series of hand motions, concentrating, her eyes illuminate with the power of her druidic, divine energies. She extends her hands and the water itself in the center of the lake, the ice cracks up, almost like a fissure is building in the center. It’s almost like tin foil being folded back from the inside out. The ice is actually breaking and being pulled to the sides, and as the ice is pulled back, the water is pulled back with it, like someone has torn into the surface of the earth and peeled the ice back like a sheet. It forms this long tunnel that leads directly down into the center of the lake. The water is being held aloft over the surface, not actually being cast to the sides out into the river. You could empty the lake, for the most part, if you wanted to do it now, but right now you’re just holding it aloft as these two water pillars.

TALIESIN: Could you build an ice tunnel, perhaps? Take some of the ice and actually structure a–

MARISHA: I was going to say, actually, I think as Control Water, I can also change if it freezes and if it’s solid? Can I freeze the edges of this? Make an awesome–

MATT: You cannot refreeze water with this spell, unfortunately. You can just control its shape. The temperature is a whole different ballgame.

TALIESIN: But there is frozen– we could take the existing ice and create–

LAURA: You know what? I’m running in. And Keyleth, just be ready to throw it away.

MARISHA: I’m just going to focus and keep pushing it out.

LAURA: I run in and start looking for anything.

MARISHA: Go! Move fast, you have ten minutes!

MARY: I go to the entrance that was blocked and I investigate to see whether or not there’s any way we can climb our way through. Focus on the non-vegetative spots and get in.

LAURA: I’m going to that and seeing if there’s something there.

MATT: Okay. The stonework– you can start pulling the stones that block the area that lead into that one collapsed entrance, and yeah. You start moving things out of the way and they tumble down to the bottom and stick into the mud. The bottom of the pond is a very interesting sight when it’s drained. All the plant life is just sucked together and you’re all sloshing through. You’re up to your knees with each step as you just sink into the mud.

SAM: It’s a super muddy “ahnus.”

MARISHA: I am going to go ahead and start pushing some of the water outwards, out of the lake as I’m keeping it pushed.

LAURA: I go to the hole, to the “ahnus,” and start looking.

MATT: Looking in there, as you begin to step into the mud, it is a thicker portion and your feet begin to sink into it.

TALIESIN: You can control water. Can you control the water in the mud?

MARISHA: I’ve got a lot on my mind right now, Percy!

TALIESIN: Okay. Okay, I was just throwing it out there.

MATT: To a certain extent, you can control elements of it, but because the earth itself is not part of it, it does resist the spell effect, so it would be very minimal effects. As you step into it, you begin to sink.

LAURA: Oh, I just stepped right in, because I’m really smart, you guys. Hold onto me.

LIAM: I start pulling.

MATT: Make a strength check.

LIAM: Oh, thank god I’m so strong. That is– I’m going to use Luck, and that’s shit.

LAURA: I’m going. I’m sinking. Grog?

LIAM: 11. 11?

MATT: All right. The two twins are now, (sucking sound) being pulled in into this small mire.

TRAVIS: What happened to you two?

LAURA: Grog, help. Seriously, quick.

LIAM: Remember how happy you were that I was alive? That’s not going to last much longer.

LAURA: Come on, come on. Grog, help!

TRAVIS: How deep are they?

MATT: She’s about up to her waist now.

TRAVIS: Nah, you’re good. Just swim.

MATT: Up to upper torso. Vax is now getting to right around upper thigh.

TRAVIS: Oh, look. I mean, you’re not even twinsies about it. You’re at different lengths. You’ve got to even out a bit.

WILL: Don’t struggle, or you’ll sink faster.

MATT: Trinket’s all, (concerned grunts).

LAURA: I take out my Rope of Infinite Twine and throw it to Trinket’s mouth from far away.

MATT: (chomp, grunt)

LAURA: Pull. Me. Out.

MATT: All right, and with that, Trinket begins to back up. (sucking footsteps) Can’t get traction in the mud. He’s trying to pull, but is sliding in space.

LAURA: This sucks, you guys!

TALIESIN: I’m going to try to grab the rope.

LAURA: Grog, why are you being a dick-fuck? I need to get out of this mud. Seriously?

TALIESIN: Ugh. That’s a 12.

MATT: There’s no movement on this point. You guys are trying to pull and they’re not sinking right at the moment. There is tension on the rope, but they’re not being pulled out, either. They’re just held in place.

MARISHA: You all had better be making damn good use of this time!

LAURA: Great use, Keyleth. We found an entrance point. Ish.

SAM: Are we just at the edge of the pond?

MATT: You guys are now in the center of the base of the pond.

SAM: But we haven’t gotten to the part–

MATT: No, you guys are at the base of the stone structure, which is not too far from the section they’re sinking in.

LIAM: Dying in slow motion over here.

MATT: You’ve been pulling rocks away from the crumbled entrance, which is much easier now that there isn’t water pressed against it, so you’re actually moving rocks out of the way, and you’re making some headway into this entrance.

MARY: Do I even see them?

MATT: You see out of the corner of your eye, them talking and shouting to each other.

MARY: Grog, come over here! Darling, I’ve got some rocks you can move. Maybe we can get in on this side.

LAURA: You’re not going to even help? Cool.

MARY: I can’t see you. Corner of my eye. I hear you squabbling. You guys squabble all the time.

TRAVIS: Now, what are we moving?

LAURA: Seriously, we’re dying! We’re going to die.

LIAM: We are sinking in the mud over here!

MATT: Kima runs up to you guys, looks over and goes, “Ah, they’re fine,” and starts grabbing rocks.

TRAVIS: Here we go, let’s move this shit.

SAM: Hey, guys, you want a hand?

LAURA: Yes. Please get us out with Bigby.

SAM: So I will cast Bigby’s Hand. And I will gently lift them up and cup them as I pull them up from the muck.

MATT: Easy enough to do. The giant, shimmering arcane hand of Bigby scoops both of the twins up and dislodges them from the muddy surface, setting you guys down gently, and drifts to your side with a thumbs-up.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Since we have Bigby’s Hand, why don’t we use it to–

SAM: Sure, sure, sure. What do you need me to lift?

LAURA: Can you scoop out all the mud in that fucking hole that just tried to kill us?

SAM: All right, let’s scoop. We’re scooping. I’m scooping.

MATT: Are you scooping mud, or are you scooping stone? I didn’t hear which one you’re doing.

SAM: I go with Zahra. What do you want me to scoop, Zahra?

MARY: Oh, well, did I even hear any of this? I’m still over there with Grog, moving–

TRAVIS: We’re moving rocks.

MARY: We’re moving rocks. (louder) I think we’re going to move rocks. Can you give us a hand with the rocks?

SAM: Sure. Here it comes. Whee!

MATT: Okay. (laughs) I’ll say, the two of you guys make strength checks, and you go ahead and roll a d20 and add your charisma– no, Bigby’s Hand is–

TRAVIS: 20.

TALIESIN: Wow, that’s your wisdom modifier. Holy cow.

SAM: Is that good or bad?

TALIESIN: That’s awful. That’s amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it.

MATT: Yeah, plus eight to it.

SAM: 16.

MATT: 16, okay. 20 and?

MARY: Four.

MATT: Four. So you’re “helping.”

MARY: I’m more of a delegator.

MATT: Yeah, you’re the foreman of this exercise. But between Grog and Bigby’s Hand, though, large sections of stone are being scooped out and tossed to the side.

MARISHA: I start tossing water out of this lake.

MATT: You’re hitting the five- to six-minute mark. It’s a ten-minute duration. You’re a little past halfway.

MARISHA: Seeing that they’re still doing a lot of work, I’m going to start seeing if I can push some of this water out of the lake a bit.

MATT: Okay. You push some of the water out of the way. Some of it is splashing off to the side and being soaked into the local dirt and earth. You’re still holding about half of the pond itself up at the sides. You guys are beginning to make headway through, and you see a lot of the stones here have been pushed in with suction from the mud and kept a barrier, and about three minutes later, you begin to find an opening, and you start pulling out a big plug of stone, and you can see beyond that, there is an actual stairway, and a pitch-black, lightless entrance that goes deeper into this actual structure.

TALIESIN: Let’s go.

TRAVIS: Well, problem. Stairway, but when water comes back in, you drown in that stairway. So–

WILL: We’ll have to block it up behind us.

MARY: Once this is done, can you cast one of those–

MARISHA: Maybe? I start walking towards them.

LAURA: Once we’re in and water’s covering it, we’re not going to be able to get these stones away.

LIAM: Keyleth, can you walk down this way while still doing that, and Scanlan, can you use Bigby’s Hand to block the hole once Keyleth is past you?

SAM: For a very small amount of time.

LIAM: Yeah, and then Keyleth, can you make a wall of stone once you’ve let down the water?

MARISHA: Yes, if we try and go super fast.

LIAM: Let’s do it.

MARY: I can cast Light and get us down there.

SAM: Okay, I can make a wall behind us or something.

MARISHA: I go and start heading towards the tunnel and pushing all the water outwards.

MATT: Okay, so keeping the water at bay, now rotating around your movement into the center, you all make your way towards that rocky entrance. It’s just big enough to get each of you through, Grog and Trinket, at the very largest. You all push your way through, climbing in the other side. Keyleth, concentrating, steps inside as the last one as you begin, with the last few minutes you have.

SAM: I guess I’ll just pack it with mud and rocks, right?

MATT: Just taking it all. Chunk after chunk after chunk. Just at the tail end of your concentration. The hand pulls in the last plug as the water (crashing water sound) comes crashing into itself, filling the space. As you all are standing there, the light of Zahra’s staff lighting the area, there’s the impact of water rushing in against the stonework, and you can feel the whole place shake from the impact, and immediately water begins to rush in through the cracks of this created section.

LAURA: Oh!

SAM: I’m not a good builder!

(laughter)

LIAM: Hold it, Scanlan, hold it for a moment!

MATT: I was going to say, based on the push of the water against the rock and Bigby’s Hand against that, I need you to go ahead and roll a d20 and add eight for Bigby’s strength to try and hold the plug in place.

SAM: 24.

MATT: 24 total roll. With that impact, you can see streams of water pushing through and mud and other elements filling the gaps of the stonework, Bigby’s Hand pushing up against it. Looks like the stonework was ready to give, and the water begins to go ahead and fill this vicinity, the hand pushes back until the streams that are peeking through turn to a trickle, and by the time the spell finally comes to an end, the hand vanishes, the plugged hole gives a little bit, and then seems to keep itself in place. Water’s still dribbling out and trickling, there is still a gradual bit of moisture passing through here, and you don’t know how long it’ll hold, but for the time being, it seems to be holding.

SAM: Yikes.

MARY: Well done, Scanlan.

SAM: Thank you for the idea.

LIAM: Well, we could risk it or– Keyleth, are you able to put up a wall?

TALIESIN: I think we can risk it for now.

TRAVIS: Yeah, risk it. Because we have to come back through this way, probably.

LAURA: That’s true, if something happens you can put it up.

MARISHA: Let’s head downstairs, and we might not need to worry about this in a second.

TRAVIS: Hey, sneaky-sneaky, go take a look.

LIAM: Are you talking to her or me?

TRAVIS: No, you, shitbrain.

LAURA: Hey, you know what? We’re not doing anything for you, you fuck, 'cause you didn’t even try to help us.

TRAVIS: Oh, look at me, digging in a muddy hole that led to nowhere.

LIAM: I let them argue and I skulk forward. While they’re fighting. Natural 20.

WILL: See that? My man’s going to check some stuff out.

SAM: Ah, you must be so proud.

WILL: Very excited.

MATT: So, as Vax vanishes from your sight, disappearing into the shadows down the stairway that leads forward, we’re going to take a quick break.

(cheering)

MATT: We’ll be right back, so get your snacks, get your bathroom on, we’ll be here as soon as possible.

LIAM: Get your Purvan.

ALL: Get your Purvan!

MATT: You’re all going to die. All of you.

MARY: And they never made it out of the tunnel.

Break
[break]

Part II
MATT: Welcome back, everyone. So we’ve had our little break here, a couple quick announcements to give to you guys. One, our first winner of the giveaway today, of the chatroom giveaway for our various prize package is BlackDeath2099.

(laughter)

MATT: Congratulations. I’m glad we have a little ways off before we have to worry about that. Or maybe Marvel will rekindle that comic series. But yeah, so, congratulations, BlackDeath2099. Also, a reminder to all of our European viewers, we here in the US, 'cause we’re ridiculous and still do this whole time change thing, we are springing forward, it’s our Daylight Savings, so the show will actually be airing an hour earlier for you guys, which might be pretty good for you guys.

WILL: So everyone can work on the farms.

MARISHA: Yes. Which no one– and it doesn’t even work there.

WILL: Damn you, Benjamin Franklin.

MARY: What is today for Critical Role?

MATT: Today is our one-year anniversary of the stream.

(cheering)

MATT: We were so rushed at the start, we didn’t get around to it.

LAURA: We didn’t even talk about how it’s our one-year anniversary–

MATT: It’s our one-year, it’s been a rushed day.

SAM: What do you get for a one-year anniversary? Is it paper?

MARISHA: Paper.

WILL: I got it!

(cheering)

WILL: Happy anniversary.

MATT: So, I mean, thank you guys.

MARISHA: We get tons of fan art, that’s paper.

LAURA: That is paper.

MATT: Thank you guys for kicking along with us for a year.

LIAM: We got a very nice anniversary present from Megzilla. From Meg.

LAURA: Oh my gosh, it’s so beautiful.

MARISHA: It’s my background now.

LAURA: Mine too! Is yours just you? 'Cause mine is just me and Pike!

MARISHA: Me and Pike, it’s the only ones, 'cause it can’t fit all of us, you have to try and frame it.

LIAM: She’s a unifying entity.

MATT: Also, guys, wanted to let you know before we get started here again. You helped our good friend here Ivan, is doing his Kickstarter for the ABC’s of RPG’s, which is awesome, but one of the stretch goals was to actually have a few pages of Critical Role-related activities for kids within the book, and you guys succeeded in smashing through that stretch goal, so he gave me a couple of the early designs to show off. Here’s the–

LAURA: We can show it?

MATT: Yeah, we can show a little bit of the preliminary stuff. So this is the Vex and Vax connect-the-dots.

(cheering)

MATT: So this’ll be part of the presentation of that activity, which is fantastic.

LAURA: And this is artwork by Wendy.

MARISHA: Put it on the thing, on the paper.

MATT: On the paper?

MARISHA: Right on– right, yeah. There you go.

MATT: Then we have here, we have the create tattoos for Grog activity sheet.

LIAM: Yes! Yes, I can draw all the penises I want on him!

MATT: So there’s that one there. And then here we have the Percy connect your knowledge of the various fantasy creatures activity book.

LAURA: Baby, baby creatures!

WILL: I’d like to point out, the rakshasa with the hands. It’s doing jazz hands!

MATT: So those are the really cool art pieces you can look forward to, you guys kicked ass on making that happen and so we have our own little stamp in his amazing creative piece, so thank you for that. Look to that. There’s also more stretch goals, I think, before it finishes up, so if you want to smash those records, feel free to check it out.

TALIESIN: Smash.

MATT: Thank you for letting us be part of that, Ivan.

MARY: Grog smash with moon hammer.

MATT: All right. So. Now. As you guys– bringing it back to the game, here. I think those are all the announcements I’m supposed to make there, perfect. Let me get set up here with some proper audio. I want to get some good atmosphere here.

TRAVIS: Imperial Death March?

MARY and LAURA: (sing Imperial March)

(all warble Imperial March)

TALIESIN: Are we Death Star chickens? What’s happening?

MATT: That got weird.

LIAM: They just cut the power on our show.

MATT: So. Are you guys all staying at the top of the stairs, or are you staying a little bit behind Vax’s movement?

LIAM: I’m 20 feet ahead.

LAURA: We’re moving– But we should probably, I don’t know, stealth? I don’t know what would be alive down here, but there might be undead. Actually, can I take a moment and use Primeval Awareness and sense if there’s any undead entities around, any ghostly or undead zombies? Anything undead?

LIAM: And I– sorry. Rolled a 30 for perception.

LAURA: Aberrations?

MATT: Which one are you focusing on? I think you have to choose the type.

LAURA: Let’s start with undead.

MATT: Undead? You take a moment, focusing here–

LAURA: Up to six miles.

MATT: Yes. As Vax pushes forward. Nothing catches your attention, undead-wise. There are no undead entities within the vicinity which you can focus on, so that’s one thing you don’t got to worry about.

LAURA: One thing.

WILL: I think because Z is in the front with her light, Kash backs all the way up to the back and lights a light, as well.

MATT: All right, so the two of you have light from this pitch-dark vicinity, which is helpful for those of human descent. No undead presence in the vicinity. Vax, pushing down this stairwell, it continues down with a slight curvature, almost like a gradual spiral staircase, until eventually it hits a floor area. The flooring here is at a tilt. From what you can see, this whole tomb, this whole ruin, when it sank in, it sank at a slight angle, and the surface of all the stonework here is still slick with water and various liquid that has trickled through over time. You get the sense that there are a number of leaks within this temple, and the pond that would grow larger is steadily slipping into this ruin, and then being filled over time from the rainy and snowy weather as it hits the area. As you hit the bottom and you look around, you see ahead, immediately across the way, as you’re the first in there, two small humanoid shapes down this T-junction. To the right and left of you are two tunnels, and there is one ahead, and about 35 to 40 feet ahead of you, you see two humanoid individuals.

LIAM: We’ve already got company. I see two small little buggers ahead of me. I don’t know what they are.

LAURA: I cast Pass Without a Trace on the group.

SAM: Can you kill them?

LIAM: I don’t know yet. Just wait for a second. I’m going to sit for a minute. One minute, and see what they do.

LAURA: Can we stealth?

MARISHA: Yeah, let’s all stealth.

MATT: All right. Everyone roll stealth. Are you keeping your light spells up?

MARY and WILL: No.

MATT: Both of you snuff the light spells, so you have zero visibility right now.

LIAM: I am really well-hidden.

MARY: I’ve got darkvision.

TRAVIS: I do, too.

SAM: So do I.

MATT: Stealth checks from everybody?

LIAM: I am covered in mud.

LAURA: Oh, that’s true. We are really camouflaged.

LIAM: The twins are dark right now.

MARISHA: I rolled a natural one.

LAURA: No, add ten to it.

MARISHA: 11.

WILL: 14.

TALIESIN: 32.

SAM: 30.

MARY: 22.

LAURA: 28.

TRAVIS: 17.

MATT: 17. With the plus ten?

WILL: 14.

MATT: 14. With the plus ten?

WILL: No, then it’s 24.

MATT: 24. Okay.

LIAM: Is there any light here? Dim light?

MATT: There is no light.

MARY: We just doused it. Grog and I can see.

TRAVIS: Darkvision.

MATT: These two figures just walk beyond. What little bit you can see, and both of you guys roll perception checks, those with darkvision right now.

SAM: Oh, wait. Darkvision?

MARY: Natural 20. Natural 20.

WILL: Yeah! That’s your second one?

TRAVIS: 14.

MATT: 14. The two of you can see these entities. They’re humanoid. Bipedal– two arms, two legs, standing up on their legs. However, their feet are these webbed claw-type physicality. They’re wearing haphazard leather tunics, wrappings around their wrists, and they’re hunched forward as they’re walking away from you, deeper into the shadows. Seemingly completely unnoticing of your presence. Their heads are these bowed-forward fish-type visions. You can see they have these bulbous eyes at the edges, jagged, toothy mouths that end at this small point to the end. Very, very fish-like, amphibious-type entities. They both scuffle alongside each other and shuffle into the darkness beyond, down that further hallway.

LIAM: They’re walking in pitch black, right?

MATT: Yes.

MARY: We have tunnels left and right?

MATT: Left and right and in front, where they both disappeared.

MARY: We don’t hear them speaking, we don’t hear them doing anything?

MATT: No, they’re just walking.

MARISHA: Do they look to be on patrol? Are they walking back and forth?

MATT: They’re just walking. They haven’t turned back.

WILL: Are they armed?

MATT: Yes, you can see, both of them have what looks to be a cluster of ropes to one side, hanging off their belt, and have spears that they’re clutching and walking along.

MARY: Are the ropes attached to the spears?

MATT: No.

MARY: Do they have eyeballs?

MATT: They do.

MARY: What color are they? I’m sorry.

MATT: There’s no color in darkvision. It’s black and white.

TRAVIS: Everyone listen up. There’s two of them and they’re walking away from us down a hall. They don’t see us yet.

MARY: They appear to be some sort of fish-like creature. They’ve got spears and ropes.

LAURA: You know what? I bet if they live in the dark, light will blind them.

MARY: You know? You’re very smart.

LIAM: Are we all huddled together at this point?

MATT: They’ve all gathered down to the bottom–

LIAM: They came up behind me, right? Yeah, so you’re talking into your ear to me.

LAURA: Guess what?

LIAM: What? What’s going on?

LAURA: There’s fish people up ahead.

LIAM: It sounded like that, but I can’t see shit down here. Zahra, you were able to see?

MARISHA: I poke my head in between the twins and I go, do you guys have an earache? Does your ear hurt?

LAURA: Can you see us? We can’t see anything.

LIAM: You can’t see shit, either.

LAURA: Should we get some light?

MARY: Should we– there’s a tunnel to the left and there’s a tunnel to the right.

LIAM: I pull out my Flametongue Dagger and make dim light.

MATT: Okay, so as the dagger gives off a bit of flame, those of you with low-light vision have extended visual at this point. At this point, too, as you’re adjusting to the atmosphere here, there is this very heavy smell of mold and mildew throughout this entire area, and looking down, you can see the bit of light dances across the stone floor that has water trickling across it and leading to one side, to the left, with the tilt of the floor. What do you wish to do?

LIAM: Well, we can follow the fish brothers, or we could check out these two tunnels.

TRAVIS: I like that.

LAURA: I have a question. In my book that I bought for 30 gold, did it mention what level of the multi-level tomb the champion was buried on?

MATT: No, there wasn’t much detail about the tomb’s actual build. It spoke more of the history of the man who was buried there and gave reference to the direction you were traveling to, just to reaffirm you were going in the right way.

LIAM: You got played.

LAURA: I got played. It was a worthless 30 gold, then.

MATT: No, you learned information about the history of the man who’s buried here. It’s not like every stone structure of ancient history has a book of blueprints available at your local 7-Eleven.

WILL: That was 60 gold.

MATT: Yeah, that’s a little more expensive.

MARY: All right, Grog. Since you and I have darkvision– Is it still– did you cast Light?

MATT: No, you can see Vax is holding out his flame dagger. It has a little bit of fire trickling off it. It’s ever-so-gently lighting the very local area.

MARY: I’d like to investigate the tunnel to the left.

TRAVIS: And I’ll look at the one on the right.

MATT: To the left. You go to the one on the right.

TRAVIS: I tell Vax to stay on my six as I go up.

WILL: And I follow Z.

MATT: Okay. So we have Grog and Vex are heading to the right?

LAURA: Vax.

MATT: Sorry. Grog and Vax are heading to the right, and Zahra and Kash are going to the left. Anyone else? Everyone else staying in the center?

TALIESIN: Staying center.

MARISHA: I’ll stay center with Percy.

SAM: I’m going to go with Zahra.

MARY: I’ve noticed that you all have some sort of earpiece. Do you have any extra?

SAM: No, but I’m going to go with you, so I’ll be able to report.

WILL: Oh, great.

MATT: Okay, two of you stay behind.

SAM: Kash, are you sure you don’t want to go with Vax?

WILL: No, I’m good. Thank you.

SAM: All right.

MATT: All right, so. Grog and Vax, you guys traverse to the right, with what little light he’s giving off the dagger. It continues for about 15 feet before it curves sharply to the right. Roll a perception check, Grog.

TRAVIS: I have that darkvision, too. That’s not bad. 17.

MATT: 17? You turn the corner and manage to stop yourself just as your feet meet the edge of where the stone flooring has dropped out. The tunnel itself here just seems to have ended, and there is a chasm that disappears beneath your visual range. A couple of stones (cracking noise) crumble–

TRAVIS: Stop. Stop, stop, stop. Get back. Back up.

MATT: You hear them, after a number of seconds, eventually hit with a slight splash of water.

LIAM: What is it?

TRAVIS: I just think you should go in front of me here, is all.

LIAM: You think I should go– you want me to scout ahead?

TRAVIS: Yeah, it looks a little slick, but just go ahead, just real careful.

LIAM: All right, I walk past–

TRAVIS: No, I’m kidding! Jesus, it falls off into eternity. It’s instant death.

LIAM: What the fuck is wrong with you?!

(laughter)

TRAVIS: What, you can’t see?

LIAM: I really can’t get a bead on you.

LAURA: Can you guys keep it down? I can hear you from here.

TRAVIS: I grab my earring and I say, I’m on the right. It is a dead end all the way.

MARY: Can you see down the hole?

LAURA: Is it a dead end? So it’s a wall in front of you.

LIAM: I grasp his giant fucking forearm and lean out with the dagger, and how far can I see with this dim light?

MATT: You can see that this collapsed portion goes for about 20, 25 feet, and then the path continues beyond that for about another 20, 25 feet, and then comes to a halt at the opposite side.

LIAM: So there’s a big gap and then there’s more path further.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s like 20 feet. Does anybody climb on anything?

LAURA: Do you see any openings down there?

LIAM: You’re not here. You don’t even know what we’re doing!

LAURA: Shit.

TRAVIS: Can’t you climb on shit?

LIAM: I can, but let’s see what the others find on their end, and then we’ll figure out if we want to deal with this.

TRAVIS: All right. Hey, Scanlan.

SAM: Oi.

TRAVIS: What did you and Zahra find?

SAM: Well–

MATT: So as you guys continue down the other way–

(laughter)

WILL: Meanwhile–

MARY: Back at the ranch.

MATT: You guys step down this surface, and the water is pouring down this way, and as you step, there’s this squishing sound. Not from the water, but there is, every ten or so feet, there’s a patch of very thick, mucus-y slime that seems to cover portions of the wall and portions of the floor. You slip a little bit and catch yourself, and there is a residue that you have to slough off your boots.

WILL: This is never going to be good.

MATT: Eventually, the tilted tunnel comes to a very tight spiral staircase that descends further down.

MARY: Scanlan, tell them I can see some sort of spiral staircase, but there seems to be a lot of goo here, and I’m always wary of goo.

SAM: Goo is rarely good. We should continue on to find out.

MARY: I agree. Should we– Do we check in with the others and see?

WILL: What are you holding your ear for?

SAM: This is something we all do. I don’t know why, we don’t need to do this. It’s just a thing.

TRAVIS: It’s like Professor X.

SAM: You know what? I’m going to try it without. It might feel weird. (louder) Grog, can you hear me? Grog, can you hear me?

TRAVIS: Oh, now I can hear you.

SAM: See, it doesn’t work that way.

(laughter)

SAM: Grog, there’s a spiral staircase and some snot. So we’re going to keep going.

LAURA: Wait, wait. You’re going down into the snotty–

SAM: Talking to Grog!

TALIESIN: Let’s all go down into the spiral staircase.

LIAM: I heard it, as well. We don’t want to split up. Wait there for a minute.

MARISHA: Is there any moss-snot near Percy and I, in the middle of the hall?

MATT: Looking about your general vicinity, very quickly. At your foot, yeah, there’s some.

MARISHA: Can I do a check– A snot check?

MATT: Make a nature check.

MARISHA: That one failed me.

WILL: I blame the dice.

MARISHA: Get out of here. Let’s do the wood one. Oh, that’s good. 29.

MATT: Taking the slickness of it, you were expecting some sort of secretion, and there is no acridness to it. There is nothing about it that seems to jump out at you as a natural creation by a creature. You’re not quite sure what the source of it could be. It could be, somehow, over time, slickness that came in through the water, or some other source. You really, in your experience as a druid, have no clear idea as to where this may have come from.

MARISHA: So it’s not from a creature, but it is natural?

MATT: It doesn’t appear to be natural. The viscousness doesn’t match anything you’ve encountered from nature, so you’re not sure what the source is. It doesn’t appear to be like a large snail or something like that. The only reason you would know that is from your experience with subterranean creatures, and studying that in your books, and as you go through what you’ve researched, nothing jumps out at you.

TALIESIN: You’ve milked a lot of snails, and you’ve never seen anything like this.

WILL: (laughs) This is the strangest snail milk I’ve ever seen.

MARY: Does it have any aroma?

MATT: No, actually. No aroma whatsoever. It is relatively featureless other than its viscous texture.

SAM: I’m going to pull a Grog and taste it.

MARISHA: You said there’s no acridness?

MATT: Okay, I need you guys to both– no, I’m kidding.

(laughter)

MATT: Flavorless.

MARISHA: Hey, guys. I don’t trust this goo. It creeps me out. Just be careful.

LIAM: On our end, there’s a big chasm over here, and there is a path on the other side of it, but we’d have to get over the chasm.

MARISHA: I mean, we can manage that, if you think it’s not a dead end.

LIAM: But you’ve got a complete stairway over there with boogers on it.

TALIESIN: I think we want to head down. Down is the way to go.

MATT: They’ve gone beyond your vision. You don’t see them. The path just continues on in the direction they were walking. They have not noticed you and have not seemingly returned yet.

TRAVIS: Like a sentry, I just keep looking that way.

MARY: I think we should go down.

WILL: What do you think about a little bit of light?

MARY: I can still see in the dark for a little while. Let’s not alert anything of our presence.

MATT: The two of you are fumbling in complete darkness right now.

LAURA: It’s really fucking dark.

MARY: When you cast Light, do you get to control the amount of light, or is it just–

MATT: Sure. I don’t see why not.

MARY: All right. I’ll cast Light and keep my staff behind me, a faint candlelight as I continue to use my darkvision.

MATT: So do you guys return with the rest of the group, and the group continues down the spiral staircase?

LAURA: I want to keep an eye out for any traps or anything.

MARISHA: I keep an eye on the goo.

TRAVIS: I’ll stay in the very back and leaving the Dust of Tracelessness.

MATT: At this point, Trinket finally comes down the rest of the staircase, staying back from the rest of the group, being stealthy.

MARY: Trinket, have you ever experienced anything like this? Do you know anything about this gooey shite?

MATT: Trinket is actually far behind. You’d have to back up to converse.

MARY: All right. Never mind.

MATT: You guys have quite a large group here, especially with Kima involved. You have quite the party. This is going to be very interesting to see how it–

SAM: We’re all in the same tunnel now?

MATT: You guys are all making your way down the left tunnel, down the spiral staircase that Zahra found. So. You progress downward. You’re looking for–?

LIAM: Traps. I’m looking for traps.

MATT: Just keeping an eye out?

LIAM: Yeah, I’m using the light from her thumb or whatever.

MARY: My staff.

LAURA: I want to look for any imperfections in the stairs that look like they could collapse at any time or they could be unsafe. MATT: Both of you guys make perception checks with disadvantage.

MARISHA: Disadvantage?

MATT: Very low light.

LIAM: I don’t know why I rolled both at the same time. 22 for me.

LAURA: 28 for me.

TALIESIN: That’s a disadvantage roll.

MATT: Coursing down, what catches your eye is a little ways down the spiral staircase, there are a couple of small, dark, what look like minor objects that stand out against the rest of the stone structure.

LAURA: Can I crouch down and look at it and see what it is?

MATT: They appear to be a couple of dark feathers. They are beneath an actual layer of slick slime. They’ve been there for a while, but there are two feathers. LAURA: Do they look like the owlbear feathers that I picked up earlier?

MATT: No, actually. Owlbear feathers are textured, with some layers of color, like a natural owl-type entity would have. These are jet black. You recognize it very quickly.

LAURA: Hey, Keyleth? Have you ever seen feathers like this?

MARISHA: Do they appear to be raven feathers?

MATT: They are raven feathers, yes.

LAURA: Why were they covered in goo?

MARISHA: Maybe this was some sort of offering to the Raven Queen? We might be getting close.

LAURA: Fuck. The Raven Queen. Right, that makes sense.

MARY: Well done.

LAURA: Thank you. You guys: ravens.

MARISHA: Ravens, yeah. Onward.

MATT: Pressing down the spiral staircase. It comes to another floor beneath the one you just hailed from. Go ahead and make another perception check, you guys going forward. It’s the two of you at the front?

LAURA: Yeah.

MARY: Do you need more light? You all right?

LAURA: Oh, was I supposed to still be at disadvantage?

MATT: If she’s behind you with a very faint bit of candlelight. You guys have low-light vision, so you can still make these checks right now, but it’s at disadvantage because it’s very, very limited.

LIAM: 22.

LAURA: 26.

WILL: The twins, baby.

MATT: All right. As you guys push forward, you reach out and stop Vax before he takes another step as you notice this pathway now, hatchbacking back in the direction you guys had come from on the lower floor. You can see these very, very thin, about two inch wide slits in the stone walls to each side of you.

LIAM: I’m going to take a closer look at those things. Do I need to roll anything if I see them now, because she’s pointed them out?

MATT: She pointed them out.

LIAM: I’m going to try to disarm them. They look like things I’ve seen before. They look like traps. I’m going to try to disarm them.

MATT: Okay. Go for it.

MARY: I extend my staff and I raise the light just a bit so you can see.

LAURA: Does it look like traps? You want to perceive them?

LIAM: What is disarm traps? Dexterity check?

MATT: This would be using your thieves’ tools, and for this it would be– I will make this an intellect check, with the tools.

LIAM: An intellect check? Not the thieves’ tools?

MATT: Thieves’ tools, proficiency, plus your intelligence modifier.

LIAM: Plus the intelligence modifier?

MATT: Correct, because this is– you actually have not encountered this type of trap before, and you’re trying to ascertain its nature without setting it off.

TRAVIS: I need popcorn for this.

LIAM: 23, then.

LAURA: Wow, you’re really smart.

MATT: 23?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: As you step forward and begin to try, pulling your tools out to inspect the nature of these, looking into the dark paths on each side, there’s an instantaneous movement, like a puff of air that comes out of each side. I need you to roll a dexterity save.

LIAM: Instinctually, I do evasion, if it’s dexterity. I rolled a 12 plus– 22.

MATT: 22? All right, you (zoomf) just out of the way as these two pendulum blades (whoosh) right past you, missing you by about a half an inch. And then (whoosh) disappear and then swing back a second time, resetting on opposite sides of the hallway.

WILL: We all saw that, right?

MATT: You all saw that with a very (whoosh, whoosh).

LIAM: Scythes in the wall? My nose tickles right now. I’m going to attempt to take these out and– hold on.

LAURA: Can I perceive around and see if I see any switches or anything that would turn them off?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LIAM: Thieves’ tools to disarm, right?

MATT: Based on the check you previously made, these are a little more intricate and you’re having a hard time finding a way to disarm them. This would be more of trying to find a mechanism in which to disarm them, which she is currently doing.

LAURA: This wouldn’t be Underdark-y at all, would it?

MATT: No.

LAURA: Then I rolled a ten.

MATT: Well, this is an investigation check.

LIAM: Investigation? All right.

MATT: Ten? You have no idea of the nature of these.

LIAM: 13.

MATT: From this perspective, you have no inkling or idea as to what the mechanism is, where it’s hidden, if there is a way to be able to disable the trigger. You have not encountered this before, and it is a little beyond your expertise at the moment.

LIAM: Grog, there’s giant scythes in the wall or something and I can’t figure out how to take it apart. Do you have a weapon that you could jam in this fucker? Like a throwaway weapon that you don’t care about?

TRAVIS: Yeah. I’ve got three greatswords that are shit.

LIAM: Do you want to fucking fuck this knife hole with a sword?

SAM: On Vex’s suggestion, I’m going to make an investigation check. 30.

MATT: So, while you guys are having this conversation. Scanlan, you step directly up to the very edge of where these blades swing from.

SAM: Kashaw. Watch this.

(laughter)

MARY: I think someone has a crush!

MATT: And you notice that, just glancing ever so slightly on the inside, there is some sort of a latch that is guarded by the blade’s embedded portion. You realize as you put your hand forward, you trigger some sort of arcane sensor that is part of this that causes the blades to (whoosh) swing back, and as they swing past you, you hear a click on the inside of the groove that they swing from, and then as they swing a second time to reset, it gives a louder click sound, almost like it resets itself.

SAM: And how long a period from the blade swinging, to swinging back. Like a half a second?

MATT: It’s about a second. It’s (whoosh, whoosh).

SAM: So someone needs to reach their little hand in there and click it.

LAURA: Someone with little gnome hands, maybe.

WILL: Impress me.

SAM: Shit!

(laughter)

SAM: All right, watch this, y'alls. I’m going to try to do it.

TALIESIN: We get two tries each. It’ll be great.

(laughter)

MARISHA: Scanlan, would you like a little bit of– enhancement?

SAM: Enhancement?

MARISHA: Natural enhancement, of course.

SAM: Ooh, I will never say no to enhancement.

MARISHA: I reach over and I enhance– what are you probably going to be using, dexterity?

SAM: I guess a little shortsword-y blade, I guess, to get in there? Or I have–

MARISHA: Is this going to be a sleight of hand check?

SAM: I have climbing gear, I have a cube. I have a flute. What can fit in there?

MATT: It’s about two inches wide, the gap.

LAURA: So it’s wide enough for your fingers.

MARISHA: I’m going to cast Enhance Ability and give him Cat’s Grace for his dexterity checks.

MATT: Okay, so you have advantage on dexterity-based ability checks, currently.

SAM: Come on. I need these babies to play.

MARISHA: Don’t lose your hand, Scanlan. We don’t have Pike to regenerate it right now.

SAM: Do you have any tools I can borrow?

TALIESIN: I have a sword.

SAM: That shitty sword that you don’t care about?

TALIESIN: It’s a very nice sword that I care about quite a bit.

SAM: Could I shove a blade in there and jam it, maybe?

MATT: You can try to.

WILL: That’s never a good answer. (laughs) You can try.

SAM: I’m going to use my Aberration Bane sword. Shortsword, or whatever it is. I have never used it.

MARY: (muffled) Don’t use that sword. What are you thinking?

SAM: All right, I’m going to jam it in there.

MATT: Are you going to do it?

SAM: Sure.

MATT: All right, so you reach over and trigger the blades, pulling back immediately. (fwoof) They pass back. In that one moment, you go for it. Make a straight dexterity ability check, so roll a d20. You have advantage on it.

SAM: Okay, plus my dexterity, which is zero. So that’s 13.

MARISHA: Dear god.

MATT: Once you understand the nature of this, it’s not a very difficult thing to find. You bring the blade around in that brief moment, and as you bring your head into view to inspect the inside, you can see there is a slight stone protrusion from within that groove. You realize the blade probably isn’t going to help at this point. You reach over and just (tkch).

SAM: With my finger?

MATT: You hit it with your fingers. As you do, you look quickly over to your right, and the blade is already pulling back towards the area where your head is, and then (creak, crunch) halts, and now the blades are just hanging.

(relieved noises)

MATT: Locked in place, as the arcane nature of this trap has held them aloft.

MARY: That was hot. That was very hot.

MARISHA: What was your first roll?

SAM: Thank you. Five.

MATT: (laughing) That would have been very bad.

SAM: Thank you for the advantage, Keyleth.

WILL: That was impressive. If it weren’t for Vax, you’d be my man.

SAM: (laughing) Oh, Kashaw, you sweet-talker.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I’m in the middle of this.

SAM: Don’t worry, everyone! I’ve cleared the way.

LAURA: I pat his little head as I walk through the blades. Not his cube. Just the top of his head.

(laughter)

MATT: So, as you guys continue forward down this long hallway, heading at a slight upward angle now, going against the tilt of this temple. Who’s leading? All right. Pushing forward, it continues for about 60 feet. There was a tunnel split over to the right side, but that has entirely collapsed and is just filled with stone and it spills out partially into the hallway, but it’s easy to step over and get past. Eventually–

LIAM: Are you saying it’s not blocked, it’s just some rubble and you can step over it?

MATT: Meaning the passage that you’re walking down, it looks like there was a path that went to the right. That whole thing collapsed inward and is completely impassable.

LIAM: It’s pooped into the passage.

MATT: It has spilled into the passage, but it’s nothing you can’t traverse over.

LIAM: Thank you.

WILL: Wow, you paint with words.

MATT: His vernacular is impressive.

LIAM: This is my profession.

(laughter)

WILL: “It pooped into the passage.”

MATT: Pushing even further forward, the passageway begins to curve gradually to the left over about 20 feet, and disappearing around a corner. As you continue to push forward here, you have moved beyond the light, unless Zahra, are you keeping the same essence of light here to help with his vision, you would have to travel up with him to be able to see around the corner as you move.

LIAM: Vex, could you tell Zahra to come up another 20 feet or so?

MARY: Coming. Coming now. So I go up and I stand next to him.

LAURA: Walk quietly, dear.

MATT: As you continue to move forward with him, the light cascading further down the hall, eventually the curvature comes to a halt and you can see before you a T-intersection of the tunnel. Across the way, the tunnel directly across from you comes to a halt. It just ends about 20 feet beyond this intersection. There is a path to the right and the left. Make a perception check.

LIAM: 22.

MATT: Okay. You can see, in a similar fashion to the tunnel you and Grog first discovered, the floor that is the center of this T-intersection has completely fallen out, as well. There are sections of stone that jut out from the edges, but it appears that this intersection for about a ten by ten foot area of the floor is just completely bottomed out.

LIAM: So I had a fucked-up passage on the right behind me. I’ve got a T ahead of me that goes in two directions, but there’s a hole in the middle of the T.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: And there’s nothing else?

MATT: Nothing else visible in the area.

WILL: How far are they sticking out from the stone walls?

MATT: You aren’t with them.

WILL: Oh. That’s a good point.

LIAM: I back up against Zahra, and I say to everyone else, because she’s right next to me, we’ve got a T in the passage here, but there’s a big fucking hole in the way, so we’re going to need to use our neverending rope, perhaps, or some means of getting over this hole if we want to go forward.

TALIESIN: Or into the hole. Maybe it goes further down.

MARY: I could use my cloak and I could fly.

LAURA: You have a– wait.

MARY: I have a Cloak of the Bat. And I can use mine to investigate left or right, whichever side you’d like, and I can do a quick investigation and come back and see.

LAURA: You can fly?

MARY: I can. I can also cast flight on all of us, but that would– I think, at this point, it might be best to do a single investigation.

LIAM: How strong are you?

MARY: (laughing) I’m terribly not strong at all. No, but I can get in and get out.

LIAM: Can’t carry any one person over? Maybe a gnome?

LAURA: I could maybe try to leap from the sides of the hole or something.

MATT: Where it meets this center area, it’s only about a five-foot step over.

LAURA and LIAM: Oh.

MATT: To the other parts of the intersection.

LAURA: I could totally parkour that.

MATT: As long as you’re not going directly across. If you’re just going catty-corner, it would be a relatively easy acrobatics check. Barring you don’t roll a one.

LIAM: Hold on, I’ve got this figured out. Hold on. Hold on, shush. Eenie, meany, miney, mo. Catch a tiger by the toe–

MARY: Do you want to go left, I’ll go right?

LAURA: (whispering) I think we should go down.

LIAM: Eenie, meany, miney, mo. We go rightwards.

LAURA: Can we look down? Can we just look down?

MARY: Does my darkvision extend at all 60 feet down into the hole to see what’s there?

MATT: All right, as you guys approach, Vax deftly attempts to leap over to the right side of the T-junction. Make an acrobatics check.

LIAM: That’s a 30-something. 30–

LAURA: Three.

MATT: Perfect two-toed landing. Just (ta-ding). And you are immediately met with… a wall. It ends to the right. It’s almost like across the way and immediately to the right both just end abruptly.

LIAM: And there’s nothing here?

MATT: Go ahead and make a perception check.

LIAM: 31.

MATT: You can see there are symbols burned into what looks to be some sort of a bird head that ends in these streaks that are carved into the rock. Intricately, and done with a very careful hand.

LIAM: (groans) There’s a bunch of bullshit on this wall and a raven’s head, and I don’t know what any of it fucking means.

MARY: I use my Cloak of the Bat to fly over and to read it.

SAM: Wait, you can read bullshit?

MARY: I can read bullshit. I have–

TALIESIN: Oh, I read bullshit.

MARY: Eyes of the Runekeeper.

MATT: Okay. It’s not a language. It is a symbol. But you can make a religion check.

WILL: Are we up there with them now?

MATT: You guys have stepped up to the edge of the tunnel.

LAURA: That little ledge won’t support– I mean, is it a long hallway that ends abruptly, or is it this much space?

MATT: It’s maybe ten, 15 feet beyond the break.

MARY: 20.

MATT: 20. This being a tomb of a champion of the Raven Queen, looking at this, you gather this is the symbol of the Raven Queen.

MARY: That’s the symbol of the Raven Queen.

SAM: Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

LAURA: I drop something down into– a rock that I find– and drop it down into the hole.

(long pause)

MATT: (sploosh)

LAURA: It’s pretty deep, guys.

LIAM: What do I hear if I knock on the wall that we’re looking at?

MATT: (quiet knocking) Solid stone.

LIAM: Doesn’t feel hollow.

LAURA: Can I, since it’s only five feet away on the left, can I look around and see if it looks like there’s any similar sort of traps or anything down that hallway?

MATT: Okay, so you get around and glance around the edge? To the left tunnel, there is no wall. Instead, you’re met with a large, ten foot tall, eight to ten foot wide double set of doors.

SAM: Doors.

LIAM: We should just leave.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: I’m going to hop over to where the doors are.

LAURA: I hop over to the doors, too.

MATT: Okay. Both of you guys make acrobatics checks.

SAM: Jesus, don’t fall. (high-pitched noise)

TALIESIN: 13. 14.

LAURA: 31.

MATT: Okay. Yeah, you guys make it across fine.

MARY: Can I just fly over and land?

MATT: Kima’s getting impatient, and she joins you guys across that way. She’s fine on her roll.

MARISHA: Yeah, I’ll jump over towards the doors as well.

MATT: Okay. Acrobatics check.

WILL: Me, too.

MARISHA: Oh, yeah. I rolled an 18.

WILL: Yeah, 20.

SAM: 15.

TRAVIS: I rolled a one.

ALL: No!

MARISHA: What?

MATT: So, as all of you start leaping across into this small tunnel right before the doors, taking a moment to inspect it, the final member of the group right before Trinket, who rolled a two–

LAURA: You rolled for Trinket?

MATT: Yeah. Don’t worry, Trinket’s fine. The one was the killer.

LAURA: (gasps) Oh my god.

MATT: So, you hear a (yelp) as suddenly, that slime-like mass that you’ve seen appearing throughout the stonework here has also gathered itself along the edge of this open crevasse in the hallway. Your foot hits it and within a moment, the stones beneath your feet are beneath your feet no more, and you find yourself about to plummet into this–

LAURA: Can I leap forward and try to grab him?

MATT: This is happening very quickly. I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw to see if you can manage to catch the edge.

TRAVIS: 17.

MATT: 17? Actually, no, because there is slime on this, I need you to make it a roll with disadvantage.

MARISHA: Oh no.

TRAVIS: 11?

MATT: 11. You (grunts) just catch yourself on the edge. Your fingers are (shh) sliding off the edge right now. You’re barely holding on.

MARISHA: I turn and I cast Grasping Vine from up here and try and yank him back up.

LAURA: Trinket turns and puts his claws into Grog’s hand.

LIAM: Smart bear.

MATT: Okay. So in a very Scar in The Lion King moment (whoosh)–

(laughter)

TRAVIS: (yells) Just drop me!

MATT: You do take four points of slashing damage from the claws that dig into your hands as Trinket is holding onto you there. Then a vine streaks out from the stonework, wraps around you, and pulls you up out of Trinket’s grasp, slamming into the ceiling and now holding you aloft before it drops you, plopping right into the stonework between the rest of the party.

MARISHA: Good to join us, Grog.

TRAVIS: Yeah, no big deal.

LAURA: Good to know you can jump at all.

MARY: Yes, how’d that work for you?

TRAVIS: Listen, an example of what not to do.

LAURA: Are your hands okay?

TRAVIS: Yeah. Should we proceed? What is all this dilly-dally?

LAURA: Are the doors locked?

MATT: You go ahead and push on the door?

LIAM: Wait! What are you doing over there?

LAURA: Are there traps on the door? I check for traps.

LIAM: Wait up– okay, go for it.

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LIAM: Do me proud!

LAURA: 16.

MATT: Okay. Looking over it, there is what looks to be a locking mechanism on it, but it is not currently locked.

LIAM: Well, that was lucky.

TALIESIN: Is it?

LAURA: (door squeaking sound) I push?

MATT: You push? (thump) It doesn’t budge. You have to put some of your weight behind it to get it to shift at all, and it (creak) opens up slightly into a pitch-black room ahead of you.

LAURA: Oh good, more darkness.

MARY: I peek in and, using my darkvision, see what I can see for 60 feet.

MATT: Okay, make a perception check.

LIAM: I’m going to catch up with the ladies and acrobatics over to them.

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: 20– 33, excuse me.

MATT: Yeah. Yeah, you (impact). Around the edge–

MARY: Balls– ten.

MATT: Ten? It’s hard to make out much detail in the room; you can see what appears– the room just lays out before you. It seems to open up slightly, and then even further partway in. It ends on the opposite side with curved corners. You can see what appears to be four pillars in the room that meet the floor to the ceiling, the ceiling which is about 25 feet tall. Most of the tunnels you’ve passed through here are about 15 to 20: this is about 25 feet tall at its full height. But these pillars reach to the ceiling, and there are steps across the way, what appears to be a raised platform. That’s the most detail you can make out of it at this distance– you’d have to get close.

MARY: Can’t see much. It’s a taller ceiling, there seems to be a platform in the middle and some pillars.

LAURA: Like a platform like a tomb?

MARY: No, I can’t see, really.

MARISHA: Like an altar?

MARY: It’s a slightly raised platform, that’s– Grog, can you help? Can you do anything, can you see any further than me?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I come over, and– 'cause I have 60 feet of darkvision. Can I try?

MATT: Yeah, make a Perception check.

TRAVIS: Nah, I can’t see shit.

SAM: All right, I’ll look. I’ve also got darkvision, so– 12.

MATT: All right, you all come to the same conclusion– some sort of raised platform across the way.

MARY: Right, it’s sort of a platform, but you can’t really tell what it is.

SAM: Sort of curved to the back– I could probably sketch it for you.

LAURA: Can I stealth? I want to stealth. And perceive– I’m going to, like, step in.

SAM: Oh, let’s just go in there.

LIAM: Wait a second, hold on a second, this is the only thing we can do.

LAURA: 20.

LIAM: 25.

MATT: Okay, so you guys stealth into the room. You sneak in, and you can see now, this slime-type substance that you’ve seen throughout–

LAURA: Oh! 30, because of Pass without a Trace, which is still on us.

LIAM: 30, 35.

MATT: All right– it seems to coat most of the floor and walls of this interior. You guys step inside, and with what little bit of light you have, you see a couple shapes shift across the way, behind the platform.

MARY: That’s not good.

LIAM: (whispers) All right, everybody, get ready to play.

TRAVIS: What? Play?

LAURA: (whispers) There’s definitely creatures in here. I don’t know if they’re hostile.

LIAM: I reach down– are there any rocks or pebbles or anything on the ground?

MATT: You find a couple of small pebbles.

LAURA: (whispers) Can I just shoot an arrow?

LIAM: I take a pebble, I throw it all the way towards the platform.

TRAVIS: Don’t waste an arrow.

MATT: Okay. (plop, plop, plop) As you listen, you hear a couple of hushed voices (Undercommon). Do either of you speak Undercommon?

LAURA: I do.

MATT: You do.

MARY: They’re jawas.

ALL: Ooh!

MARISHA: Secrets, secrets, secrets.

SAM: Check out the Geek and Sundry store for fantastic Critical Role-themed products and merchandise! There are shirts and posters for sale!

LAURA: (gasps) Ohh! I forgot! Wait! (gasps) Shh!

LIAM: What’s the matter? (whispers) What’s the matter?

LAURA: (whispers) They know we’re here. Obviously, you threw a fucking rock. They want to fight us– whatever it is they’re protecting– this champion’s–

SAM: They want to bite us?

TRAVIS: I don’t know if anyone can hear you when you’re whispering.

LAURA: You want me to just yell it out?

WILL: Well, if they know we’re here–

LAURA: Cool. Hey, there’s people on the other fucking side, and they’re going to attack us when we walk in here. They’re saying to defend his fucking tomb.

SAM and WILL: Oh.

WILL: Right place.

MARY: So they’ve been in the dark for a long time, is that right? I’m going to cast some light as bright as I possibly can.

LAURA: I’m stealthing to the side.

LIAM: Stealthing to the side.

WILL: Kashaw jumps up with Zahra; they cast Light at the same time.

MATT: Light spell is about as powerful as decent torchlight, it doesn’t become crazy, you know, Gandalf-Bridge-of-Khazad-Dum-style.

WILL: (Gandalf voice) You shall not pass!

MATT: Yeah. But it does light up the room, and from what you can see now, immediately across the way, atop this platform there is what looks to be another stone, raised platform or what could be considered as some sort of a tomb or stone coffin that lays atop these stairs on this upper platform. There is another humanoid figure that stands on top, that turns around at the light and you can see the light giving that weird, ominous animal eye-glow whenever the light catches it at an awkward angle, the fish face snarling at you, robes drenched in various liquid and mucus-y fluid swish around for a minute as it turns to you, this fish humanoid clutching this big staff. You can see now three other of these fish-like entities all clamor up from the side, holding onto these spears and these weird buckler-type shields on the side of their arms, and they just (loud Undercommon).

LAURA and MARY: What’d he say?

LAURA: I want to get up and meet him at a–

SAM: You can also make donations to our charities of choice– Find links to those on Geek and Sundry.

LAURA: I use my earring and I whisper, they’re calling to their master! Something big. I stay stealthed.

MATT: All right. The rest of you–

MARISHA: Oh, shit–

LIAM: Stealth, stealth, stealth, stealth, stealth!

MATT: Right, we have two of you have stealthed inside, and you’ve rolled stealth for this?

LAURA: Rolled stealth?

MARY: And we still all have Pass without a Trace on us?

LAURA: Yeah, everybody still has Pass Without a Trace.

LIAM: Is this new stealth?

MATT: It doesn’t matter, there’s two big light sources in the front of the door. This is going to be an initiative roll, folks.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

WILL: Look, there’s the broken floor!

MARY: Oh, it’s so pretty! There are the pillars!

SAM: Oh, wow, the detail!

MATT: Thank you, Dwarven Forge.

LIAM: Who was this made by?

MATT: Dwarven Forge, folks.

MARY and LIAM: Dwarven Forge.

TALIESIN: That’s awesome.

MATT: All right, so. This door here has been opened for the moment. The folks that were still back in this tunnel here– We have Zahra and Kash that walked in and created the light, Trinket is still back here at this point– Scanlan, you’re at the edge of the door, Percy– And we have Kima in the back there, holding up the range. Across the way we have the one robed individual and these other frog-type creatures that have stepped out from behind here. All righty. So. Let’s go ahead and get some initiative rolls, folks.

LAURA: Was I supposed to roll stealth at all on that?

MATT: Yeah, if you rolled–

LAURA: 35.

MATT: 35.

WILL: Ew. Do you add it to anything?

TALIESIN: Yeah, you have an initiative number.

LIAM: 29 for something.

SAM: Ooh!

MATT: All right, so. 25 to 20.

LAURA: 21.

MATT: 21. All right.

MATT: 20 to 15?

WILL: 19.

LIAM: 19.

MATT: Nice.

TRAVIS: Oh, 17. And 17.

SAM: 17 for Scanlan.

MATT: So Grog is 17, Scanlan is 17.

LIAM: 19 for Vax.

MATT: Yes, 19 for Vax.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: What’d you roll, five?

LAURA: Uh huh– nine, ten–

MATT: Okay, so that's15 to ten?

TALIESIN: 12.

MATT: Percy. Ten to five?

MARY: (singing along with battle music) Fiiiiive. (higher) Fiiiiiiiiive!

MARISHA: Just me and Grog.

MATT: All right. Keyleth, what’d you get?

MARISHA: Four.

MATT: Four.

MARISHA: Four, yeah! Lucky number four.

MATT: Oh, man. Kima rolled really bad, too.

MARY: Kima, you’re very quiet.

MATT: You have nine people in your traveling group, plus a bear. Trying not to over-complicate this. You mass-traveling assholes.

LIAM: She’s very focused and studying our styles.

MATT: Exactly. All right. All right, so, Vex, you have the top of the round.

LAURA: Awesome. I’m going to– ooh! Is this Sneak Attack, because I’m stealthed?

MATT: Technically you would Sneak Attack if you hit somebody who has not– you don’t know if they’ve seen you or not.

LAURA: Oh, okay. I’m going to cast Lightning Arrow on the guy in the middle, 'cause everything within ten feet is hit. Oh, you know what? I was using those little blocks as feet marks– is that?

MATT: Yeah, I mean, these are five feet each, so it would get those two there if you were to do it.

SAM: Is there light? Oh, they lit torches, right?

LAURA: It wouldn’t get the two guys down–

MATT: It would get these two there; this guy is actually beyond the ten-foot radius if you were to hit the middle guy.

LAURA: Okay. So let’s do the middle guy and– yeah.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Aw man, which one, which one?

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: Let’s do this– That’s 30? 30.

MATT: 30 hits–

LAURA: No, 28.

MATT: Pass without a Trace now drops, by the way. All right, so go ahead and roll damage against that guy.

LAURA: Lightning Arrow is 4d8 lightning damage.

MATT: Correct. So go ahead and roll that for the main guy.

LAURA: Okay. 27 plus sneak attack?

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: 29.

MATT: 29 points of damage. Fantastic, and then it is 2d8 against the other two if they do not make their dexterity saving throw. So what’s the DC on the spell? Well, that’s a natural 20–

LAURA: 15.

MATT: One of them succeeds, one of them fails.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: So roll 2d8.

LAURA: 13.

MATT: This one takes 13 damage, the other takes six. Okay. So as you step out of the shadows, pull back your arrow and release this bolt of blue lightning energy, it fires across, slams into this robed fish-person who shrieks out in pain. The bolts then scatter off and shoot into two of the nearby ones. One of them manages to pull right behind the pillar and manage to avoid most of the impact. The one over here, however, takes the brunt of it and doubles over in pain, almost falling onto its knees. They start croaking back to each other.

LAURA: I’m going to move–

MATT: Do you wish to move yourself or Trinket?

LAURA: Yeah, I’m going to move behind that wall there.

MATT: Right here?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. And Trinket, you want to move–

LAURA: Trinket is going to–

MATT: Don’t forget you have your pointers, guys.

LAURA: Move– I don’t know where that is– move behind the pillar. Can he get there?

MATT: His movement speed is 40?

LAURA: Maybe? Yes.

MATT: You get there, yeah.

LAURA: Yeah. Cool.

MATT: All right. That brings us to Vax.

LIAM: I dunno if this laser pointer’s going to work, since there’s now a wall in the way. I’m going to go up the side– I’m going to hit my heel against the other heel–

TRAVIS: I love that you’re pointing it at the TV.

LIAM: Yeah, that’s great.

(laughter)

LIAM: I’m going to go right to that window right there.

MATT: Right here?

LIAM: Yeah. And you tell me if it’s surprise, I don’t know, but I’m going before Fish Guy up on the dais. I can’t make it work over these walls. I’m going to chuck three daggers at Fish Guy up here on the dais. Through the window.

MATT: It’s not a surprise because they were aware that there was an aggressive action coming in. But you still–

LIAM: But because I go first I get advantage on all attacks.

MATT: Correct, so. So it’s three against this guy?

LIAM: Against guy on the dais, yeah. Is 28?

MATT: Hits.

LIAM: Second one is 14, and the third one is 27.

MATT: All three hit.

LIAM: All three hit, so the first one we’ll do a sneak attack on, and here we go.

LAURA: No sneak attack.

LIAM: Oh, sorry. Advantage. Thank you. 11 for the first, ten for the second, and eight for the third.

MATT: This includes sneak attack damage?

LAURA: I thought you said it didn’t get sneak attack–

MATT: You have advantage, no no no– You don’t have surprise.

LIAM: Right, but because I have advantage, I automatically– So yes! Sneak attack on the first– The first one was–

MATT: It was ten plus whatever the dice roll is.

LIAM: I rolled a full four, so that’s four plus eight plus– That’s 13, 19, 24, 28, 32, 34–

LAURA: That’s better.

LIAM: That’s the dice, 34, so 68 plus seven is 75.

MATT: 68?

LIAM: You double the dice, yeah?

MATT: If it’s a surprise, you– okay.

LIAM: Sneak Attack, sorry, I always get this fucking shit confused. Sorry. So half of that is, so 34 plus seven is 41.

MATT: 41 points of damage.

LIAM: Always get it confused. Every fucking time.

MATT: It’s all good. So, after the energy from the arrow is still dissipating from the blast, you’ve already rushed behind through the small space in the wall and thrown all three daggers, all sinking into the body of the robed frog creature, who doubles over from pain, slamming into the top of the stone sarcophagus. In doing so, its hand hits it and a bunch of black feathers scatter off the top and come to rest on the ground at the bottom of the raised platform. Does that end your turn?

LIAM: I’d like to use the rest of my movement just to sink down with my back against the wall, out of the way of the window.

MATT: Okay, so that should be there. All right, that ends your turn. Kashaw.

WILL: Okay. How far away are they?

MATT: They’re about 45-ish, 40 to 45 feet.

LIAM: 50 from whoever’s in the lead.

WILL: I think I’m going to do a– how close are the three together? Or, there’s four, right?

MATT: There’s four of them, yeah.

WILL: So those– how close are the three to the top there, I don’t have a laser pointer.

MATT: Here? I mean they’re all within ten feet of each other. Ten to 15 feet.

WILL: I think I am going to do a 5th-level Flame Strike.

SAM: Whoa.

WILL: On– if they’re within ten feet, I can hit all three of those guys right there.

MATT: All right, Dexterity saves: fail, fail and fail. Go ahead and roll some damage.

WILL: So it’s a 20, right?

MATT: No, you already hit with them, sorry– I take that back. You just do straight damage to them, and they don’t get any reduction in that because they missed their saves, so you just roll the dice and that’s how much damage they take.

WILL: And is it a 20?

MATT: No, it’s 4d6 fire damage and 4d6 radiant damage, so 8d6 total.

SAM: You got it.

WILL: Ah, come on.

MARISHA: Whoa, that’s good!

WILL: Okay, six, ten, 14, 16, 19, 23, 24.

MATT: Okay. So.

WILL: Thank you.

MATT: Are you going to stay where you are or are you moving in?

WILL: No, I’d like to then move in, closer to Trinket.

MATT: Okay. So as you’re moving by, you grab onto your holy symbol, look over and concentrate. Your eyes go dark black, and one of the feathers that drifted off the top of the platform comes to rest on the ground between the three of them. As the feather hits the ground it creates this opening of blackness behind them as they look down. All of a sudden the darkness turns to bright, searing light as fire and divine energy just slams up from the ground beneath them into the ceiling, and you just hear these three simultaneous screeches. As the flames die down, there is nothing left where they were standing.

(cheering)

MARY: Yes, my brother!

MATT: All right. And that ends your turn. He doesn’t have a turn anymore. At this point in time–

WILL: I’m sensing something big is on the way

SAM: Vax! Did you see that?

LIAM: I’m under cover, I’m pressed to a wall. I saw a flash of something.

SAM: Amazing! Oh, sorry, I won’t draw attention to it.

MATT: There is this echoing mutter, this almost burbling that seems to rise up behind Kima and Percy at this point.

SAM: Oh, shit.

MATT: You glance over your shoulder into the darkness below the collapsed tunnel, and what little bit of light you see coming through, you see something fleshy rise up from underneath. It’s glistening in places and immediately a cold shudder crawls down your back as you see a series of appendages release, each with a gleaming eye at the end of each one.

LAURA: (gasps) No.

MATT: As one giant eye rises up, it–

ALL: No!

(yelling)

MARISHA: Son of a bitch!

TRAVIS: Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

TALIESIN: No!

MARISHA: We weren’t prepared!

TALIESIN: Not cool.

TRAVIS: Happy anniversary, you dicks.

(laughter)

LAURA: (muffled) Oh my god!

MATT: As it rises up and Kima looks over the shoulder– “Shit!” It’s going to be a beam at Kima, a beam at you Percy, and a beam at Grog since you’re visible.

WILL: (laughs) Shit just got real! And we’re all just, we’re stuck in the room now.

MATT: Against Percy, I need you to make a dexterity save.

LIAM: Wake up, everybody!

TRAVIS: What’s going against him right now?

LAURA: You!

TALIESIN: That’s 19.

MATT: A 19, okay. Great. A dull green beam arcs past, and you manage to just duck out of the way– Slams into the stone wall next to you, of which that stone wall now just turns to dust. Disintegrated rock behind you. The one against Kima, see if she makes her save here– No, she fails. This beam hits Kima square in the chest, and as it does she doesn’t seem to have any physical reaction but she begins to back up instinctually from it. You can see her jaw agape, her eyes wide open, she looks like she is filled with the dread of the ages. And the third beam going towards Grog, have to reroll that, need you to make a dexterity save, Grog.

TRAVIS: I’m not raging or anything. 19.

MATT: 19, great. A strangely quicksilver-like beam strikes you center in the chest. It hits you and you feel the muscles around your chest begin to seize up and crack into dust like the actual flesh is turning to a slightly hardened stone but you flex and resist the effect, the petrification not beginning to take hold within your body.

TRAVIS: Petrification–

LAURA: I don’t remember all the things, I don’t remember all the things! Oh no!

MARISHA: It’s everything– Yeah, they’ve got fear, disintegration–

TALIESIN: It is the burrito supreme of creatures. It comes with everything!

WILL: And fries and a coke!

TALIESIN: There’s a fuck-you beam too, there’s like literally a fuck-you beam

WILL: Oh my god, you’re going into a special section of your book. That’s never good.

MARISHA: I’ve got a list, I’ve got a fiends book.

WILL: Oh my god, of course you do.

LIAM: Ah, he’s moving!

MATT: So as it turns up, its beam striking you, after all the beams hit, it turns around and (incomprehensible growling). Speaking in a language you don’t understand unless one of you speaks Deep Speech.

SAM: Deep Speech? I speak Common!

WILL: Yeah, is that the same as Giant?

SAM: And Gnomish!

TRAVIS: Is that above us or is that?

MATT: He’s right above you, he’s just hovering right over your heads. And it stops right above you, Grog. That ends its turn.

TRAVIS: Don’t you fucking shoot that shit at me! And I go into a frenzied rage! And I will– I’m going to just attack it regular, with Craven Edge. Just on this one, 'cause I don’t know what hits yet.

MATT: You get two attacks.

TRAVIS: Yep. Terrible. 12.

MATT: 12. You go to swing and you miss entirely.

TRAVIS: 17.

MATT: You swing with a 17 and once again, just in your fury and anger in it flying overhead and the little bit of intensity of its reveal, you just can’t seem to find purchase on its body.

TRAVIS: 17 does not hit, FYI.

LAURA: Got it, got it, got it.

MATT: All right, Grog, you want to move or you going to stay where you are?

TRAVIS: I am going to move like the sweet dewdrop that I am, and haul ass behind– I’ve got a little pointer. I’m going to move behind that column.

MATT: Okay, you can get there fine.

TRAVIS: Yeah. Just put it between me and him. That’ll end my turn.

MATT: Okay. As you rush past, it’s going to go ahead and use a reaction to make a bite attack at you as you speed beneath it. Oh, that is a 24 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits.

MATT: You take 14 points of piercing damage, reduced to seven. As its teeth just reach out and bite towards you, streaking across your shoulder as you push out of the pain, continuing forward. All right, that ends Grog’s turn, Scanlan, you’re up.

SAM: Jesus. Can it see me? I’m right under it.

MATT: It doesn’t seem to notice you at the moment, no.

SAM: Okay.

MATT: It seems to be intent, looking towards Zahra and Kashaw at the moment, as they are immediately in front of it.

SAM: I’m going to attempt to use my Wand of Fire– oh no, no, that’s a bad idea. I’m going to use my Lightning Bolt! Lightning Bolt on it. Lightning Bolt. 'Cause I’m right under it, right? So it’ll just go straight up.

MATT: You are, correct. Ah, it fails its save. That’s an 11.

SAM: Okay. So I can roll for something?

MATT: Yeah, go ahead and roll 8d6 points of lightning damage against it, because you’re doing it at a level three?

SAM: Yes, please.

MATT: So yeah, so 8d6 lightning damage.

TALIESIN: That’s really good.

SAM: 30!

MATT: 30 points of damage. Nice! So as you release this bolt of energy, you guys see this flash of blue light in the distance as the bolt slams up into the creature from underneath. All its eyes whip around in your direction for a second, before looking around all the areas around it. It’s still focused intently in your guys’ direction. Do you wish to move or do you want to stay where you are?

SAM: Well, I assume it sees me now, but I’ll slowly back away.

MATT: Okay, Percy’s in your way so you have to back over in this direction.

SAM: Does it kill me while I move?

MATT: No, it’s already made its reaction.

SAM: And then I will turn to Zahra and I will sing to her to inspire her. I’ll sing: (sings) Zahra, a rainbow! Zahra, a sunrise! Zahra the moon to wear! That’s not good enough, no, not good enough, not for Zahra!

(laughter)

MATT: Okay, you take a d10 inspiration die, so keep that on hand.

LIAM: I always like the bail out at the end.

MATT: It’s the best. All right, that ends your turn. Percy, you’re up.

TALIESIN: Oh boy! First thing I’m going to do– So it took its reaction, so does that mean if I run around it it can’t take an attack of opportunity on me or is–

MATT: Correct, yes. If you wanted to move past it, yes, you could.

TALIESIN: I’m going to try and run past it, full speed, yeah.

MATT: There you go, that’s about as far as you can get in a direct line.

TALIESIN: Okay, that will do. I’m going to– What’s the smart play here?

MATT: Keep it going, Percy, what are you going to do?

TALIESIN: Yeah, sorry, I’m going to cast Hex on the little fish creature. I know that sounds odd, but that’s what I’m doing.

MATT: Actually, Lewis, can you hand me that little template there? The post. To the left of it.

(offscreen clatter)

SAM: That worked.

(laughter)

MATT: So, Percy, as you go to cast the spell, you release the incantation. Nothing happens.

TALIESIN: That’s fine. I’m going to take a trick shot at the beholder.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: So I’m going to shoot for the head, that tends to go well. Oh, thank god. No, that’s going to miss. That’s a 15.

MATT: 15. Unfortunately, in your sudden fear of realizing the spell not happening, you go to fire and it just ricochets off the stone.

TALIESIN: All right, I’m going to take another shot. Same thing. Headshot.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: That’s a little better. 20

MATT: 20 does hit.

TALIESIN: 20 hits, so that’s– God damn it, I’m rolling really poorly. That’s eight points of piercing damage. Plus he has to make a constitution save.

MATT: Okay, or?

TALIESIN: Or, if he missed his constitution save, that means he’s disadvantage on attacks until the end of his turn.

MATT: Good to know. The rays don’t make attacks so the only thing that it would affect is his bite.

TALIESIN: Okay. That’s–

LAURA: Good to know.

MATT: It just looks at you and the ray hits you and it’s your attempt to try to get out of the way. That’s how it works.

TALIESIN: Good fucking god! Then just, I suppose, with my last attack I’m going to shoot that fish person, just 'cause we should really clear the board.

MATT: Okay, go for it.

TALIESIN: That’s better! 20– 31.

MATT: 31, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

TALIESIN: (blows raspberry) Eight.

MATT: Eight damage? So as you turn around the third shot fires, it slams into the fish creature. You see, like, blowing part of its neck out, it (choking grunt). It’s pretty heavily hurt, but still standing. It looks to be almost like, with the pain it’s withstanding as it’s looking up at this, it’s reverent and raising its spear toward the Beholder, like (Undercommon chanting).

LIAM: Four more years!

(laughter)

MATT: All right, that’s Percy. It is now that creature’s turn.

WILL: We’re going to build a fish cage. Vasselheim’s going to pay for it.

LIAM: It’s going to be 'uge.

MARY: 'Uge. Tiny hands, 'uge.

MATT: All right, six. It’s going to move up to you after you shot it. Percy, it’s going to make an attack with its spear on you with both hands. It pulls up and goes towards you, its big old fish mouth snapping. Oh! That’s going to be a 21?

TALIESIN: I’m going to take the hit.

MATT: Okay. As it jams the spear into your side, it hits your shoulder and just streaks off, tearing into the flesh a little bit, but it’s not too bad. You end up taking– okay, that’s nine points of piercing damage. All right! That ends its turn. Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: Okay, first things first, I’m going to–

MATT: Actually, sorry. Before the end of your turn, out of frustration at being shot, it’s going to use one of its action points to shoot– I’m sorry, one of its legendary actions to shoot another eye ray at random, at the end of Percy’s turn.

MARISHA: Where’s that laser pointer?

TALIESIN: It’s going to shoot at me, isn’t it?

MATT: Yes, it is going to shoot at you, because you were the one that just shot at it. No, it’s not going to shoot you, because you are in its– it would absolve its ray, so it’s not going to shoot you, it’s going to fire behind it, instead, at Kima. Okay.

MARISHA: What? Come on–

MATT: Kima’s strength save… Natural two. So that’s going to be the telekinetic ray, it’s going to move it 30 feet in any direction. It’s going to lift Kima above this hole and just drop her. Kima, unable to do anything at this point, struck with fear from the previous ray and is nowhere near the edge, is just thrown off and plummets into the darkness below, where the beholder originally emerged. You just hear her scream (screams) as the echo continues past. You don’t even hear an impact. That sucked.

MARY: Oh my god.

MATT: Now it’s your turn, Keyleth.

MARISHA: Oh my god– do I still have enough time to do a bonus reaction to try and save her with a Grasping Vine, or is she gone?

MATT: I will say go ahead and roll a dexterity check. Just a straight dexterity check.

MARISHA: (groans) Straight dexterity?

MATT: As you look over–

MARISHA: I rolled a natural two.

MATT: –before you have an opportunity to get that thought in your head, she vanishes into the darkness.

SAM: (laughing nervously) Oh shit, Kima just died.

WILL: (laughing) Why are you laughing!? Holy shit!

TALIESIN: She may not be dead. She may just be really, really wet and broken.

MARY: She landed in the slime.

SAM: Yeah! Yeah, maybe it’s soft and cushy!

MATT: What are you doing, Keyleth?

MARISHA: I’m going to try and move behind him so– I’m not, like, in his eye cone, am I?

MATT: Right now you’re not, no. So you can move–

MARISHA: No no, behind him a bit– I’m going to cast Blight at fifth level on him.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Oh, god. I’m so afraid. So it’s going to do 9d8 damage– anyone give me some d8s? d8 me.

MATT: Okay, constitution saving throw–

MARISHA: Fail it, motherfucker.

MATT: 11, so yeah. Full damage.

MARISHA: Yeah! All right, okay. Eight, ten, 15, 17. So, four more. These were at 17– That could’ve been better. What’d I say, 17? Plus another seven, this is 33 damage.

MATT: 33 damage. Nice. So as you look up, you channel your spell energy into the essence of withering life force and you can see a portion of its back, the slime dripping from its form, the flesh shrinks up and shrivels, and it shrieks out. Some of the eyestalks quiver and look in the direction of where you are, and some glance down and see you.

MARISHA: So we established that this moss-slime isn’t natural, it’s not like a plant.

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: And now I’m going to use my bonus action to go into earth elemental form.

MATT: Return to form.

MARISHA: Yes. This worked last time.

MARY: What does that mean, Keyleth?

TRAVIS: She turns into a giant rock monster.

MATT: That ends your turn. At the end of your turn it’s going to use another legendary action to fire another ray. This one is going to be– this is going to be at Scanlan, as it’s the one that’s clear and behind it. It sees you transform into earth elemental form–

MARISHA: Do I still have enough movement to where I can, like, go underground? Can I do that, or no?

MATT: You can travel into earth. You cannot travel into, like, solid stone, carved stone.

MARISHA: Is there any earth around?

MATT: Not immediately visible. Actually, there is, in the wall that it disintegrated when it tried to shoot Percy, so yeah, right up in here there would be.

MARISHA: Can I, like, Homer Simpson (slurps) into the wall?

MATT: Okay. (slurps) You vanish into the wall there. But you can only emerge from that same spot.

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: It’s the only exposed earth in the vicinity. But you are in the wall. Okay! It’s going– and since you’ve disappeared, it goes ahead and takes the ray shot at Scanlan. Scanlan, I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw.

SAM: Is this a spell?

MATT: No, this is not a spell.

SAM: Can I use Cutting Words on it?

MATT: It is not an actual attack–

SAM: Oh, it just happens.

MATT: But you can use Cutting Words to reduce the damage if you want to.

SAM: Well, then, I’ll just make my what, dexterity sa–

MATT: Your dexterity save, yes.

SAM: Hmm, yeah, great. Five?

MATT: Five.

MARISHA: To be fair, I think I still have your Enhance Ability up–

MATT: Ability checks. Ability checks, not saving throws. So you can see one eyestalk that was looking for Keyleth hones in on you and this eye has no iris, just a deep, thick, black pupil. And a streaking beam, it sounds like a shrieking voice, just (shrieks) streaks out and slams into you, this black, solid beam. You take 55 points of necrotic damage.

LAURA: (gasps) Oh my god.

SAM: Yeah. Sure, sure, yeah. Yeah.

TALIESIN: I hate beholders so much.

MATT: That ends Keyleth’s turn. Kima’s turn.

LAURA: Is she unconscious or is she awake?

MATT: We’re going to find out.

TALIESIN: She’s possibly still falling, it could be a really deep hole.

WILL: She’s like, 'Damn, this is taking forever.’

MATT: Does not make the acrobatics check–

LAURA: Oh no!

LIAM: Look at this guy, he’s cold as the universe.

TALIESIN: Doing so much math.

MATT: Okay. You hear a distant echo of a slam of impact that seems like the breaking of water, along with the hitting of stone. You hear this distant, echoing (groans) “Ouch.”

LAURA: Okay, she’s alive.

SAM: Wait, we hear her say something, I mean, she’s not underwater drowning or anything.

MATT: Correct. The hit of water and stone sounds like wherever she landed, it was shallow enough to impact when she landed. But not enough for her to, like, sink or anywhere. But she is, right now, effectively out of this fight, ending her turn. Zahra, you’re up.

MARY: All right, if I move to this tiny little alcove, right there. Can it see me?

MATT: You’re not within its main eye, but it can see everything around it.

MARY: Then I’m going to Hex it? No, no, I’m going to use Witch Bolt.

MATT: All right. What level?

MARY: I’m a warlock, what level can I use it at?

MATT: Well, what level would it be? It would be your max level as a warlock.

MARY: I don’t know, I’m sorry–

LAURA: Six. Seven.

MARY: Six. Seven was last week, and that doesn’t count anymore!

WILL: No. You can’t finger it to death!

MARY: I can’t finger it to death and I want– wait, what?

(laughter)

TALIESIN: Wow.

MARY: Which is a plus 11 attack bonus, and then 5d12 plus two.

MATT: So you, yeah, correct. Well, technically it would be 6d12 if you’re doing it at a sixth level.

MARY: Oh, 6d12.

MATT: Go ahead and roll to see if you hit first. You have to roll to– It’d be a d20, and add your ranged spell bonus.

MARY: What is my ranged spell attack bonus? Do you know that?

LAURA: Your ranged attack bonus? 11.

MARY: 11– and what is that? I think it’s a nine. 20.

MATT: Okay, so you rolled a 20 total? That hits. Go ahead and roll 6d12 lightning damage.

LAURA: 6d12!? Holy crap, girl!

MARISHA: That’s hot.

WILL: God, I can’t get 'fingered to death’ outta my head.

MARY: 24. Close. Better than the other ones.

MATT: 24?

MARY: 24 plus two.

MATT: Okay. So 26. All right, so the lightning blasts into its side. One of the nearest stalks just looks over at you to acknowledge the impact, and you just hear a slight snarl as the eye looks out of the corner towards you. Is that going to end your turn?

MARY: Mm-hmm.

MATT: Brings us to the top. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: Okay. Am I– can it see me in its eye? Would I be in its thingy?

MATT: It is looking in your direction.

LAURA: I’m going to move stealthily along the wall so I can maybe be out of that thing. Can I be?

MATT: You don’t know. We’ll find out when you stop. To there? You would still be in the eye range.

LAURA: Fuckin’ shit bitch.

LIAM: Only she can get away with that. None of the rest of us can.

LAURA: Am I hiding? Am I still hidden?

MATT: No, because you revealed yourself in the attack you did a little while ago. I mean, you can duck partially. If you want to use an action to try and hide you can do that.

LAURA: No, I don’t want to do that, I just want to make my motion hide behind a pillar, maybe.

SAM: Oh, wait, remember, Laura, you can move a little bit faster because you have 30 gold less than you did earlier.

(laughter)

WILL: But she’s weighed down by the book!

LAURA: Yeah, I appreciate it. My pouches are still pretty heavy. I’m going to hold my action until he’s looking away from me. And I want to move Trinket behind the wall.

MATT: So Trinket moves behind the wall there, looking over at you, you can see noticeable fear in Trinket’s face. All right, at the end of your turn it’s going to use its third legendary action. It’s going to take another eye roll– another eye beam. This one is going to fire at Grog.

(groaning)

MATT: Actually, no, not Grog. It can still see the pillar– no, Grog, because you’re one of the few, like, big individuals in its front way that’s not in its ray.

TRAVIS: Does the pillar grant me any cover at all?

MATT: Nope! We’ll see what it does, though. All right, I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

TRAVIS: 19?

MATT: 19.

TRAVIS: 20, actually. 11 plus nine is 20.

MATT: All right, cool. So, as a yellowish beam streaks across and slams into your back, you feel your back muscles tense up and lock up and you resist the effect once again. You just have that hardy constitution of a goliath who seems to be resisting every one of these beams that slams into you for the time being. Vax, it’s your turn.

LIAM: I’m going to use Cunning Action to hide, and then I’m going to run along the back wall to the pillar by– across from Vex, at the back of the chamber. And if counting is right, I’m 60 feet away from the beholder.

MATT: You’d be just within 60 feet.

LIAM: Just within, right. That’s what I thought, and I’m going to throw three daggers at his fuckin’ eyeball.

MATT: Go for it. You used your bonus action to hide, so you get two attacks.

LIAM: Two attacks? But I got the hasted boots on. I clicked the heels.

MATT: Right. But you only have one attack with your main action.

LIAM: Oh, right! Thanks. And do I have advantage– no one’s near him, right?

MATT: You have to roll a stealth check to see if he sees you or not.

LIAM: All right. Use my last Luck. No, that’s okay because I’m me, so that is 25.

MATT: 25, okay. So go ahead and roll your attacks.

LIAM: All right, so the first attack was an eight– 18.

MATT: 18 hits. And you do have advantage on these because he does not see you.

LIAM: Okay. So the first attack was 18 plus– sorry, it was 30–

MATT: Hits.

LIAM: And the second attack was 28.

MATT: Both hit. Go ahead and roll damage, and sneak attack on the first hit because he did not see where you were. Surprisingly, being an entity covered in eyes.

LIAM: One plus two, five, ten, 11, 15, 16, 17, 20 for the first. No, 27.

MATT: Seven, yeah, all right, okay.

LIAM: And then the second attack is– ten.

MATT: Got it. 37. Rushing up behind the side, ducking into the shadows, you go around the pillar and– watch one dagger spin around and watch a second one. Both of them sinking into him. Adjusts in place angrily from the pain and impact, but– yeah.

LIAM: I also make a little, like, raspberry noise at the end and go (pffbt).

MATT: Cool. That’s what breaks your stealth. Not the attacks, strangely. Okay. That ends your turn. Kashaw, you’re up.

WILL: I know, but if he’s looking right at me– I mean, he can see me, essentially, looking right at me, correct?

MATT: Everything else except for you and Percy are directly out of the main eye, but his eyestalks look all over the entire room and they keep shifting and taking in the awareness of the surroundings. But the big eye is just staring right at you intently.

WILL: Can I get out of the direct– well, can you cast magic against the big eye or no?

MATT: You don’t know.

WILL: So should we give it a shot? See, that’s the thing, is he’s staring right at me.

MARISHA: You could move out of it.

WILL: First thing we want to do is run away. Can we get out of the range of the eye somehow?

MATT: Possibly. You have not encountered a beholder in your time. Go ahead and roll an intelligence check.

WILL: God, it’s ironic that I don’t even know how to do that.

MATT: Just modifier.

MARISHA: Plus two.

WILL: Yeah. So 12.

MATT: Do what you want to do!

WILL: Thanks for that! How far away can I get?

MATT: I mean, you can move six squares. 30 feet, so.

WILL: Two, three. I want to get away from the eye. Can we move to behind that wall? Is that possible?

MATT: Yup.

WILL: And then, I still can see him, though, but he can look at me, and I’m just going to be wasting stuff if he– So I’m going to hold my action until he’s not staring right at me. Can we do that?

MATT: Sure.

WILL: There’s not much I can do. Yeah. So that’s what I’m going to do. Going to run away.

MATT: Okay, that ends your turn. It is now the beholder’s turn. The beholder is going to float up towards the ceiling of the area–

LIAM: How high does he go?

MATT: This is going to put it at–

WILL: 25 feet, right?

MATT: This is going to be– let’s see– Need to find something to weigh that down, actually.

TALIESIN: Make a sandbag.

MATT: Perfect. All right, so it is approximately 20 feet up right now, which gets it out of predominantly melee range of most anything at the moment.

LAURA: So now when it looks down at us, does it change the direction of the cone?

MATT: The cone still spreads in the area. And it’s going to look right there. So it looks away from you, Kash, so what action did you want to prepare?

WILL: Should we try it now, do you think? I’m going to try to blind it. So if he can’t see, maybe he can’t do some shit. So I’m going to cast Blindness at a third level.

MATT: Okay!

TALIESIN: He’s reading 'Blindness’ right now.

MATT: All right, so, constitution saving throw– That is a 19. Where’s the DC?

MARISHA: It’s fucking 18.

MATT: It resists the spell, unfortunately.

WILL: Oh, shit.

MATT: However, it is now going to make three eye ray attacks. Let’s see who’s in the radius here. It can’t get a ray towards the four of you, so it’s going to do one ray at Zahra, one ray at you, Kashaw, and another ray at Zahra. Zahra gets two rays. So, Mary, I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

SAM: With inspiration.

MATT: If you need it.

LAURA: Add your inspiration, add your inspiration.

MARY: With an inspiration– I have Luck, too.

SAM: Ooh! Yeah, yeah.

LAURA: Whenever you need it, but you have an inspiration dice here. That’s good. So you’re at 18.

MARY: 18.

MATT: 18. Okay. A similar yellowish ray that hit Grog earlier strikes past you and it hits you, but you manage to resist the effect. A light blue ray streaks across towards you, Kashaw. I need you to go ahead and make a wisdom save.

WILL: A wisdom save?

MATT: Yes.

WILL: 20.

MATT: Slams into you, a wave of intense sleepiness comes over you, but you shake yourself out of it. Third ray goes towards you, Zahra. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

MARY: I have no dexterity–

LIAM: Come on, use Luck if it’s sucky.

MARY: 17.

MATT: 17. You manage to duck out of the way as it slams into the wall behind you. This entire chunk, now, is gone.

SAM: What’s behind there?

MATT: You see there’s a chunk of rock and earth that has been exposed on the opposite side as it just disintegrated that portion of the room.

WILL: He can also just take apart pieces of the model, that’s amazing.

MATT: That ends its turn. And now– Because at the top of the round–

MARY: Thank you, Scanlan! Love, kisses, kisses and love.

MATT: Out of one of the slimy surfaces in the room you see, all of a sudden, the stone opens up a phantom eye that just appears out of nowhere, not even attached to this beholder. As it does, another beam streaks out of it–

TRAVIS: What?

MATT: Yes. This is going to be–

TALIESIN: What?

MATT: This’ll be at Scanlan.

LAURA: Where did the beam come out of? Where’s the eye? Where’s the phantom eye?

MATT: The eye for this one will be streaking out of this pillar here. No, no, it’ll be this pillar or this wall here, and it just hits toward Scanlan. In the vicinity of the room.

MATT: I need you to make a constitution saving throw, Scanlan.

SAM: Constitution this time? 20.

MATT: 20! All right. As a familiar beam hits you and begins to lift you off the ground, you manage to grab onto the side of the stonework and pull yourself out of its force before it can throw you into the same hole that Kima had tumbled into.

WILL: The Kima hole.

(laughter)

MATT: All right. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: I’d like to run directly beneath it and slightly behind him.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Hold! Hold.

TRAVIS: There we go, right there, that’s perfect. And I would like to use the Chain of Returning on Craven Edge and throw it up into the bottom of the Beholder.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll for an attack.

TRAVIS: 23.

MATT: That hits! With a five, it fails its saving throw, so you take a plus one strength, he takes a minus one strength.

TRAVIS: Yay, amazing! 19.

MATT: 19?

TRAVIS: Yeah, 19 points of damage.

MATT: All right, great. The blade sinks into it, as you yank it back, go ahead and make an athletics check to pull the blade back.

TRAVIS: Oh, that’s an eight.

MATT: That’s an eight– You yank on the chain, and it’s just still embedded in the bottom of the beholder, you can’t seem to pull it back.

TRAVIS: That’s all right. Go for a ride.

LIAM: It’s like a balloon in the Macy’s Day Parade.

TRAVIS: I did get the one strength one?

MATT: You did, yes. All right, Grog, is that the end of your turn?

TRAVIS: Yes.

MATT: Scanlan, you’re up. You lucky, lucky gnome, it’s your turn.

SAM: He’s 25 feet up?

MATT: 20 feet up, technically.

SAM: If I aim a Fireball right at the roof, will it hit any of us?

MATT: Right at the roof?

SAM: 20-foot radius.

MATT: It might, you don’t know. Depends on where you’re hitting. If you aim it up here, it may hit Grog.

LAURA: Just do it.

SAM: I’ll aim on the far side of the beholder.

MATT: Over here?

SAM: Yeah, just up from there.

MATT: Well, you can’t see that wall area because it’s all blocked there, you can only see through this passage. So you can only hit anything on the ceiling and this way. Unless you move into the room.

SAM: Well, I’ll just try to get it as far away from Grog as I can.

MATT: Okay. So we’ll say about there is where you can hit it. Go for it.

SAM: Okay! Wand of Fireballs, and I’ll do it at fourth level.

MATT: Okay! What is the DC for the wand?

SAM: If I use my– Does that go through the Handcone?

MATT: Not for the wand, no. The wand has its own DC. It should–

SAM: The wand has– ew, a DC of 15.

MATT: Okay. It does make the save, so it takes half damage. So go ahead and roll damage on that.

TRAVIS: Do I have to make a save?

MATT: Currently with the blast area– no, and it would have hit Percy, except for– as the Fireball explodes, the fire just seems to dissipate around the cone, actually absolving the flame from its current position.

SAM: Is he going to be affected?

MATT: He is affected, yes.

SAM: Okay. 30. So 15.

MATT: 15 points of fire damage. Okay. The blast, and you can see some stones (thuds) from the ceiling from the impact of the blast. It weirdly shapes around the cone in the front of its eye. And do you want to move or are you going to stay where you are?

SAM: If I move, he’s going to hit me. I will inch away from the precipice?

WILL: “I will inch away from the Kima-hole.”

TALIESIN: God, you even make that sound weird.

SAM: Let’s see, who’s going next– I will inspire Percy with a song. I will sing: (sings) And if we’re talking Percy, you got a perfect gun, so put it on me and pull that trigger, if you shoot him right, you’ll end his life, on and on and on–

(cheering)

MATT: Take a d10 inspiration dice for that. All right, Percy, it’s your turn.

TALIESIN: First I’m going to deal with this fucker in front of me, so I’m just going to pull out my sword and slash him and stab him and see what happens.

MATT: Okay. So using your quick draw you– Well, you have one hand, so you can pull out a second weapon. So go for it.

TALIESIN: It’s a one-handed sword. That’s 19 to hit?

MATT: 19 hits.

TALIESIN: All right, and that’s ten points of damage?

MATT: Ten points of damage. With that you eviscerate– As it croaks out (croaks) and just falls to the ground gurgling, into a pile.

TALIESIN: Sorry. I don’t speak Fish.

(laughter)

TALIESIN: It’s the worst kill line ever. I especially floundered that one.

LAURA: Can I ask a technical question?

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: If I’ve held my action until he does something and he never does it, do I ever get to go?

MATT: Nope.

LAURA: I just hold it until the end of the turn?

MATT: Yep, and then you get a next turn.

LIAM: So technically that’s a gamble, and if the thing you ask for never happens you forfeit your turn?

MATT: Let me check the rules real fast just to make sure, because I don’t want to screw you over.

LAURA: It’s good to know I’m gambling that away if–

MATT: Let me double-check, because the internet will let me know if I mess it up. It’s technically readying an action, so–

LIAM: Did you remember Hunter’s Mark?

LAURA: I didn’t do Hunter’s Mark on purpose. Because I can’t do any magic on him, because he’s looking at me.

MATT: How it is with this, essentially, is you wait for the trigger, or you can ignore the trigger, which means if you want to, you can just do it at any point if it never happens, so at the end of the next person’s turn, you could unleash–

LAURA: Say 'screw it.’

MATT: Totally.

LIAM: So you can just chime in and say, 'Fuck what I said, I’m going now’?

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: So, my other question is, my attempt to cast a spell while in the cone– does that cancel out that spell so I can’t cast it anymore?

MATT: Yes, the spell is used, unfortunately. Beholders, man. They’re assholes.

TALIESIN: I’m going to make a run for cover towards the– where’s the laser pointer?

MATT: Towards which way?

TALIESIN: Run that way. There. Am I still in its–

MATT: One more, if you want to.

TALIESIN: Okay, and while I’m running I’m going to take a shot, I’m going to pull out the big gun and take a shot with the big gun.

MATT: Okay!

TALIESIN: And I’m going to attempt to make this a legs/wing hit, and I’m going to try and knock him down.

MATT: Does not have legs, does not have wings.

TALIESIN: Oh, shit, okay, that’s fair.

MATT: Hovering entities aren’t really affected by prone. You would know that.

TALIESIN: No they’re not. That’s very fair. In that case, I’m going to just do a sharpshooter shot and see how this goes.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Roll well. And I have inspiration, which I’m going to add to that. So that’s– That’s 18 to hit?

MATT: 18 just hits. Scanlan comes through again!

TALIESIN: Thank you! That’s very useful. Where’s my other d12? Why do I never have any d12s? There they are.

MATT: Keyleth, you’re on deck, so be prepared.

TALIESIN: Nine, ten, 11, 12– That’s 28 points of damage.

MATT: 28 points of damage!

TALIESIN: And reload, and that’s the end of my turn.

MATT: That’s the end of your turn, that’s all your attacks. Okay. That ends it with Percy. At the end of your turn, Percy, it’s going to do one of its eye rays. This one is going to be towards Grog, because Grog is out of the cone and rushed underneath, throwing the blade up, and stuck into it. One of the eyestalks shoots down– Okay, Grog, I need you to roll a dexterity saving throw.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I get advantage on those. Because of– D-D-D-Danger Sense! 19– 21.

MATT: 21, all right, not a worry. You manage to duck out of the way before it slams into you. All right!

TRAVIS: What kind of ray was it?

MATT: It was a black ray that streaked towards you. A ray you’re very familiar with.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I remember that one.

MATT: All right, Keyleth. It’s your go.

MARISHA: Question. Did enough stones fall out of the ceiling that might be, like, me-shaped?

MATT: Not from the ceiling, no. You currently only have two–

MARISHA: From the Fireball?

MATT: No, because it’s mostly flame. It’s the impact and explosion, it’s not enough to damage the structure of it.

MARISHA: Is the ceiling considered worked stone or is it just carved out?

MATT: Unfortunately it is considered worked stone. If you wanted to, like, shape up there and try and break through it, you could attempt that.

MARISHA: Yeah, let’s do that.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Like, the hole that was already created by Scanlan’s Fireball? MATT: Okay. So, you– what’s your movement as an earth elemental?

MARISHA: Well, I dunno, I’m doing the Earth Glide, so– Oh! 30 feet? Do I make it?

MATT: 20– 30– it’s cutting it close.

MARISHA: Just make it? Okay. And I just want to–

MATT: All right, go ahead and make a strength check, with the strength of the earth elemental.

MARISHA: Oh wait, was that cocked? I don’t know. I don’t think so. And it’s not great, no, seven.

MATT: Seven? No, you pull up and you slam your fist into the stone beneath you, and it cracks a little bit, but not enough to give way at all. So you are currently resting up in this vicinity.

MARISHA: That’s my turn?

MATT: I mean, that’s your action and your movement.

MARISHA: Try it again next time.

MATT: Kima can’t do anything right now, so Kima’s just currently trying to heal her wounds a bit. She can heal–

TALIESIN: “Okay! Not dead!”

LIAM: “Think I’ll take a walk!”

MATT: At the end of your turn, it’s going to attempt another eye ray. This one is going to be at Kashaw. Five through– well, actually, those they don’t have to reroll for the same, because they’re each different turns. I need you to make a dexterity save, Kashaw.

WILL: 21.

MATT: 21. You guys are rolling some serious fucking saving throws! As a DM who loves using a beholder, it’s really frustrating.

(laughter)

MATT: That’s great. All right, so you dodge the same black ray that just streaked past Grog, ducking out of the way as it (vmm) across the wall. All right, that brings us to Zahra.

MARY: I believe I still have Witch Bolt going. Now, my question is, because Witch Bolt is a concentration, I still have a cantrip of Eldritch Blast, which is not a concentration. May I use Witch Bolt, just the single–

MATT: Witch Bolt is an action to use and it only does 1d12.

MARY: Yes, I know, but it’s still going, so technically it’s an automatic 1d12 damage.

MATT: Well, you have to use your action to do it, which means you can’t cast any other spells if you do it.

MARY: I can’t cast any other spells.

MATT: Yeah.

MARY: Big hairy balls. All right, I’m going to Eldritch Blast, plus invoke Agonizing Blast, which does not use a spell slot.

MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll three attacks with your ranged spell attack against the beholder.

LAURA: 12s.

MARY: These are d12s. I need d10s.

LAURA: You need 20s for attacks.

MARY: Oh, just attack? I’m going to use Luck. 12?

MATT: Plus?

LAURA: Plus your attack modifier.

MARY: I’m sorry. So that’s 23.

MATT: Okay, so that hits. Second one?

MARY: (groans) 13.

MATT: Misses. And the third one?

MARY: Natural one.

LAURA: Oh no.

MARY: Can’t Luck on that?

LAURA: I don’t think so.

MATT: All right, so go ahead and roll 1d10 plus five.

MARY: Six plus five. 11.

MATT: 11 points of damage as your beam streaks and blasts it from the side–

LAURA: I use my action, since that’s the end of it, right? I pop out and I shoot two arrows at him. (grunts) That’s it. Just like (groans).

WILL: That was awesome.

MATT: Both of the attacks do not get the magical bonus to hit and damage, so whatever your attack bonus is minus two to damage and hit.

LAURA: Because of my bracers. No.

MATT: Actually, it would be minus four. All of your magical equipment doesn’t work when you’re in its eye.

LAURA: I know, but my bracers only add to damage.

MATT: Right, but your actual bow is magical and adds to hit and damage. Minus two to hit and minus four to damage.

LAURA: Four to damage?! Why four?

MATT: Technically, it’s just supposed to be plus two to hit on that item, actually. Misunderstanding. It’s all good. So?

LAURA: Well, this one is 29.

MATT: That hits. And the other one is?

LAURA: 20.

MATT: This is with the minus two?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, they both hit. Roll damage on each, minus four.

LAURA: Oh, god. That’s pathetic. Five. Ten.

MATT: All right. 15 points of total damage. As you streak around, releasing these two mundane arrows from a mundane bow, momentarily, both hit, and you can see now, it’s starting to look a little rough. It’s hurting. There’s streaks of blood out of various wounds it’s taken. It still has Craven Edge jammed into its underside, stuck in its craw. All right, so that brings us back to the end of Zahra’s turn, where it uses its third and final ray.

MARY: I haven’t moved.

MATT: Yeah, you can move if you want to. Where do you want to move?

MARY: Actually, I’m going to stay where I am.

MATT: Okay. This last ray is going to–

TRAVIS: So tense in the silent moment before he said that.

MARY: I know.

MATT: This one’s going to be at Scanlan, since all of the rays have hit everything else.

LAURA: Everybody’s hiding.

MATT: Everyone’s in his cone or hiding and Scanlan’s the one little visible one there.

LAURA: Oh, that’s right. He can’t attack anything within his own cone.

MATT: All right, I need you to make a constitution saving throw, Scanlan.

SAM: 17.

MATT: 17? All right. Jesus Christ, guys. You take, as this shimmering purple ray slams into your chest, you manage to get most of the ray to not impact you in the flesh, but where it hits, you do take some damage, so you suffer 16 points of necrotic damage. All right. Vex, you’re up.

LAURA: I am going to– (scoffs) If I run back to where I was standing, am I out of its fricking cone?

MATT: You would be, yeah.

LAURA: All right, I’m going to do that.

(laughter)

MATT: You’d have to get over there to get to a space out of it.

LAURA: All right. Back to all my magical stuff. All right, I’m going to shoot from my Sky Sentinel at him. That’s my first attack for that, and that is 22 for the first arrow, because it splits.

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: 20.

MATT: Hits.

LAURA: No, that was wrong. No, that’s right. Oh, that was weird. 16?

MATT: Misses. You get two hits on that with the Sky Sentinel.

LAURA: Okay, so that adds 1d6 to my damage with those.

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Okay. Balls. Eight, nine, ten.

MARY: Kill it.

LAURA: 16 for the first. 14 for the second. And then my second attack, I want to shoot through my Blazing Bowstring at it.

MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll for attack on that one.

LAURA: 17?

MATT: As the arrow ignites in the middle of the air, the enchantment is too strong and actually burns the arrow to a cinder before it reaches its target. Just scattering ash against its body.

TRAVIS: I hope that wasn’t one you notched with the owlbear feathers.

LAURA: Oh, no, that wasn’t one of my owlbear arrows, for sure. I’m going to duck behind the wall right there, if I can.

MATT: Okay. Actually, currently, all of the areas of the wall are taken by Trinket and Kashaw. You could have Trinket move out of the way. WILL: Fuck you! Get out of here. I got this part. This is taken!

LAURA: No! Okay, I push Trinket out and make him run around and hide behind the other wall.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Wow. From the mother’s mouth.

LAURA: I love you! Move.

MARY: Get out of the way.

LAURA: He’s got 40, so technically he could make it behind that other wall.

MATT: All right, so. At this point in time, now, you can see where the slime all over the walls– All of a sudden, a series of tendrils begin to whip out of them.

SAM: Wow.

MARISHA: What is happening?

MATT: All right, so, good to know. So now pretty much all of the slime-covered walls in here and within this hallway are now reaching out these semi-translucent, almost created out of the same slime, tendrils that are reaching out and grasping.

LAURA: What the–

LIAM: Over every part of the wall?

MATT: Yes.

MARY: How far out?

MATT: Out to here, so it’s within ten feet.

LAURA: Everything at the walls. Anything hiding.

SAM: Oh, good. I’m glad that we’re all right next to a wall.

MATT: Vax, it’s your turn.

LIAM: Can you show me where his glance is, again, with that doohickus you have?

MATT: You have to guess. You don’t know the specific elements of his ray.

LIAM: I’m going to use Cunning Action to hide.

MATT: Well, first and foremost, at the beginning of your turn, I need you to make a dexterity save.

LIAM: Yeah, evasion. Yeah, don’t worry. That’s 30.

MATT: All right. Don’t say you’re using evasion yet. It doesn’t damage you. Or you could have wasted your evasion for no reason. However, you do avoid being grappled as they try and grab onto you and hold onto you. You can use your bonus action to–?

LIAM: Hide.

MATT: All right, roll a stealth check.

LIAM: That is a 25.

MATT: 25, okay.

LIAM: I’m going to run past Trinket along the back wall, all around the edge, over to where Vex and Kash are.

MATT: All right, right there.

LIAM: I’m going to keep pushing along–

LAURA: This is our spot!

LIAM: I’m going to get between them, and I know that slows the movement down, but I want to be in there, and I’m going to use my two actions left to throw daggers at the floating fucking bowling ball with eyes.

LAURA: I duck so he can shoot.

MATT: You do not have advantage, because it rolled a natural 20 on its perception check and you are not stealthed.

LIAM: Oh, wow. So the first one is a 21.

MATT: That hits.

LIAM: Yeah. Second one is a 17.

MATT: That misses.

LIAM: So it’s a measly little attack of nine.

MATT: Nine points of damage. A little toothpick impact. That ends your turn.

LIAM: No! I use the last of my movement to lower down behind Kash.

(laughter)

WILL: Wow.

MATT: Kash, at the beginning of your turn, I need you to roll a dexterity save.

WILL: Ten.

MATT: Ten. The tendrils wrap around you, and you’re currently grappled, which means you cannot move.

WILL: Okay, so can I cast– well, can I use Freedom of Movement on myself?

MATT: You could, yeah, if you really wanted to.

WILL: But I guess it wouldn’t matter because then that’s my turn, right? Am I taking any damage as it’s holding onto me?

MATT: No, it’s just holding you in place.

TALIESIN: It just feels really uncomfortable.

WILL: It does. It’s just uncomfortable and frankly just too close to me, and now a little creepy. Then I guess there’s not much I can do.

MARISHA: You can still cast a spell.

WILL: Can I cast a spell still?

MATT: You can certainly try to, yeah.

WILL: All right, then I’m going to try, even from there, being grappled, a 6th-level Flame Strike.

MARISHA: Woo!

WILL: Let’s try to do some damage here, if we can.

MATT: So he’s going to make his dex save, which he makes, so he takes half damage, but go ahead and roll 8d4. Oh, sorry, 8d6 points of damage.

WILL: d6. That’s not bad at all. So we got ten, 16, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26.

MATT: 26, nice. So half of that would be 13.

WILL: 13.

MATT: 13 points of fire and radiant damage as the column of flame bursts up around, impacting. You feel the impact from beneath you, from the blast of it.

MARISHA: Did it maybe loosen a little bit of stone up a little bit more?

MATT: Maybe.

WILL: Nice. And then I can’t do anything because I’m grappled, so I can’t even move.

MATT: You’re grappled, so you can’t move. You’re there.

WILL: That was my level six spell.

MATT: All righty. That ends your turn. It is now the beholder’s turn.

TALIESIN: It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

MATT: The beholder is going to turn this way.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Hey!

SAM: Hi!

MATT: It’s going to back up this way, and it’s going to stare down in this direction now.

TALIESIN: Does Grog travel with it, since he’s hanging from the chain?

MATT: Do you want to hold on?

TRAVIS: Yeah. It’s my fucking sword.

MATT: You get dragged along, holding onto the chain.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Yeehaw!

WILL: That is the greatest kite ever.

MATT: So that’s going to be three eye ray shots.

SAM: Bye, guys.

TALIESIN: No, you’re fine.

MATT: Yeah, you’re in the cone. It can’t hit you with its eye ray. However, based on the visual there, it’s going to be two rays against Kashaw and one against you.

LAURA: Me?

MATT: Vex. Yeah.

LAURA: It can see me?

MATT: Yeah, the eyestalks can see you from there. From that vantage point at the very top, yeah. Against you, Kashaw, I need you to make a constitution saving throw.

WILL: (sighs) Nine.

MATT: Nine. Your muscles tense up and lock as you are paralyzed for a minute. You’re frozen. While being held by the tentacles.

WILL: Sweet.

MATT: You can’t do anything on your turn.

TRAVIS: How do you like them tentacles now?

MATT: It still saw you. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw.

LAURA: Okay.

WILL: Come on.

LAURA: 21.

MATT: 21. Yeah, you manage to duck out of the way. This part of the wall actually, however, blasts out from the impact there as the Disintegration ray destroys the stonework. All right, and Kashaw, I need you to make– oh, no, you–

WILL: I can’t do anything, you said.

MATT: You can’t. You are paralyzed, so you automatically fail dexterity saving throws.

MARISHA: Oh my god, that’s bad.

MATT: All right. The beam hits you and your skin begins to turn a dull gray as you begin to see your flesh beginning to harden around your body. That ends its turn. Grog, you’re up.

TRAVIS: Can I run as far into the alcove that is at his rear, just underneath him, as far as I can? Yeah, right there. Maybe one step closer, so right underneath him.

SAM: You’re still attached to the thing?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Yeah, so I’d like to pull the blade out.

MATT: Okay, so this will be your bonus action to pull it out. Make your athletics check.

TRAVIS: And can I– awesome. 23?

MATT: Yeah. You pull the blade out and catch it in your hand.

TRAVIS: Can I hold the rest of my action and look at Scanlan and say, hey, Scanlan! Could you give me a lift?

SAM: Maybe!

TRAVIS: All right, I’m going to hold my action for Scanlan.

MATT: (laughing) Okay. All right. At the end of Grog’s turn– Actually, Grog. I fucking forgot to do that. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw, which you have advantage on.

TRAVIS: 19.

MATT: You’re fine. All right, so at the end of your turn, it’s going to do one of its reactionary eye rays. This one is going to aim for Vex again, because you’re one of the few out of its area. Okay. Vex, I need you to make another dexterity saving throw.

MARISHA: Fucking make this shit. Make it!

LAURA: 14.

MATT: 14? Okay. You keep rolling high. It’s interesting, I’m missing a bunch of different rays because they aren’t even doing anything. Well, this one, however: a similar black ray streaks downward and slams into you. You take 55 points of necrotic damage. All right, that is going to bring it to Scanlan’s turn.

SAM: I hoof it towards the altar as fast and as far as my–

MATT: That’s as far as you can get, there.

SAM: Shit. That’s as far as I can go?

MATT: 25 feet. You’re a gnome, man. Tiny little legs.

SAM: Can he see me?

MATT: You don’t know. We’ll find out if you try something.

SAM: As a bonus action, can I move a couple more feet?

(laughter)

MATT: It doesn’t work that way, buddy. Sorry.

SAM: All right, I’ll give it a shot. We’ll see if he’s looking at me. It doesn’t look good, though. Wow, that’s a tight angle.

TRAVIS: I think you might be just out of it.

(cheering)

SAM: I’m going to cast Bigby’s Hand.

MATT: Where?

SAM: And I’m going to do something unorthodox that the DM is going to have to approve.

MATT: Okay. Where were you putting the hand, by the way?

SAM: Around Grog.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: And I would like to swing Grog like a hammer at the back of the thing.

MATT: You’re fastball special-ing him with Bigby’s Hand?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: I am so about this.

(laughter)

SAM: It’s a goliath hammer!

MATT: Okay, I want you to go ahead and make a strength check. So roll a d20 and add eight.

SAM: 23.

MATT: Okay. The hand grabs Grog, rears back, and just full strength, lobs towards the beholder. Grog, you go flying up in the air with the added strength of Bigby’s Hand behind you. What are you doing?

TRAVIS: I’m just slashing as I’m flying through the air.

MATT: Okay. You get plus eight onto each damage roll from the force of Bigby’s Hand.

ALL: Yeah!

TRAVIS: I would like to reckless attack, Great Weapon Master, all three of these.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: All two of them. All two of them. So plus eight.

MATT: Well, plus eight to damage, not hit.

TRAVIS: Plus eight to damage.

MATT: Yeah, so the first one? They’re reckless attacks, so you have advantage on them.

TRAVIS: 19?

MATT: 19 hits. Second attack?

LIAM: Slow motion.

TRAVIS: 22?

MATT: 22 hits. Go ahead and roll damage on them. Oh, this is going to be nasty, man.

LAURA: Kill him, Grog!

MARY: Kill him!

TRAVIS: Five, 10, 18, 28, 36 for the first one.

SAM: Was that 26?

LAURA: 36 for the first.

MATT: Ooh.

TRAVIS: Nine, 14, 22, 32. Plus eight is 40.

SAM: Woo!

MATT: As you go streaking through the air, Grog, arc once with the blade across the top, severing a couple of the eyestalks. The second one tears through it. Fails both of its saves with a three and a two.

(cheering)

MATT: You give it a minus two strength. Its strength is reduced by two more.

TALIESIN: Ooh, so you get another strength bonus. You bump up one.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: However, you pass over, and also then plummet immediately to the ground.

(laughter)

LIAM: He’s fine.

MARY: He’s so fine.

MATT: Falling prone. You take ten points of damage from the impact. Halved to five– well, no, it’s not bludgeoning damage, it’s just falling damage.

TRAVIS: It’s like a hard sneeze.

MATT: Yeah, you take ten points of fall damage and are prone on the ground.

SAM: And Bigby’s dissipates, I assume.

MATT: No, Bigby stays there, it’s a bonus action. Bigby’s just chilling right there where you left it, so.

SAM: Oh! Okay. Great.

MATT: All right, great! That ends– at the end of your turn, Scanlan–

SAM: I would like to use my bonus action to inspire, who’s about to go– Vex!

LAURA: Me!

SAM: Vex! Who’s taking selfies of her–

LAURA: I was taking a snapsnot.

SAM: I will inspire her with a limerick: Friends, I don’t mean to sound bitter / But a year ago, life was a shitter. / 'Til I picked up some dice / With some friends! It was nice! / And now, ah, I’m a Critter.

(cheering)

MATT: Those words make no sense to you, but it sounds like a nice song.

(laughter)

LAURA: It didn’t make any sense at all.

MATT: All right. So, at the end of your turn, Scanlan, it’s going to go ahead and use another one of its eye rays.

SAM: Oh, Jesus. Should’ve healed myself. I’m dead.

MATT: This one’s going to be at you. Make a constitution saving throw, Scanlan.

LIAM: Come on, Scanlan!

SAM: That’s 11, right?

MATT: 11. You take 36 points of necrotic damage from the enervation ray.

TALIESIN: He’s not down! But he’s looking pretty rough.

(laughter)

MATT: All right, Percy, you’re up.

TALIESIN: Okay! I’m going to circle around the side of the wall.

MATT: There?

TALIESIN: Just buck myself against the wall. I’m going to take a couple shots with Bad News.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: For a first shot, I’m going to be doing– ah, fuck it, let’s take a sharpshooter shot. Let’s see what happens.

MATT: Sure.

TALIESIN: That’s 18, 19, 20, 23, 24, that hits.

MATT: That hits, yes.

TALIESIN: 25. So that does 11, 21 points of damage?

MATT: Nice. Reload?

TALIESIN: Reload. Firing again. Also another sharpshooter shot. 23?

MATT: 23 hits.

TALIESIN: That’s better. That’s– oh, wow. So that’s 36 points of damage. Using my Action Surge. Reloading.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Another Sharpshooter shot.

SAM: Kill him!

TALIESIN: That hits! That’s the same, I have 13 for– yeah, that hits. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, that’s 26 points of damage.

MATT: Looking rough, man!

SAM: How’s this thing still alive?

MATT: Beholders. (gunshot) Reload. (gunshot) Reload a second time. (gunshot) Third and final shot. Each time, blasting chunks out of its flesh. You can now see, like, bits of teeth are shattered from the impact. The eye’s now bloodshot and dark. Blood is, like, seeping from under the large eye, it’s like (groans).

TALIESIN: I reload one last time and I am going to try and hide behind that column right over there.

WILL: Nice. Nice work, Percy.

MATT: At the end of your turn it’s going to do its third and final one. All right, this is going to be at Zahra. No, Zahra, you’re in its cone, so it’s not going to aim it at you. You’re paralyzed–

TRAVIS: (chuckles) “And you’re paralyzed.”

MATT: So, it’s there– Vex, you’re up!

LAURA: Fuck!

MATT: Okay. Vex, I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity check.

LAURA: Okay. 24?

MATT: Yeah, you’re fine.

LAURA: 23, it’s 23.

MATT: 23, all right. The interesting rays aren’t coming up, it’s really pissing me off.

WILL: The interesting rays.

MATT: These are just, like, rays that just do damage, there’s ones that do cool stuff. All right, Keyleth, you’re up.

MARISHA: Okay. I forgot this last time; as a siege monster, I can deal double damage to objects and structures. I’m assuming this is a structure, yeah? If I want to, like beat through it?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: Okay, so I’m going to do a slam attack through it. Come on! Ah, fuck. I don’t know if that stone’ll respond. Oh, this is to the wall, though, right?

MATT: The wall, yes. It has, like, no armor class.

MARISHA: So 14.

MATT: Yeah, go ahead and roll damage. Double damage.

MARISHA: To the wall. 2d8 plus five.

SAM: Keyleth, attack the monster, not the wall!

MARISHA: Five, so that’s 24 damage. To the ceiling.

MATT: The ceiling breaks as you move forward, falling down.

MARISHA: I’m just going to try and once again catch him in–

MATT: How many attacks do you have as the–?

MARISHA: I have two. I have a multiattack; I can use two slam attacks.

MATT: True. So you do one slam attack to break it; for a second attack you could attempt to–

MARISHA: To, like, punch the beholder into the ground?

MATT: Oh, you can attempt to make a slam attack to push it down, if that’s what you’re wishing to do.

MARISHA: That’s what I want to do.

MATT: All right, go ahead and make the attack.

TRAVIS: Yeah! Yeah, yeah.

TALIESIN: Big money, no whammies.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, that’s not bad, that’s not bad. 21!

MATT: That was awesome. Okay. 21, that definitely hits. Let me just–

LAURA: Kill him, Keyleth!

MATT: There we go. All right, so actually, that would be your athletics check.

MARISHA: I’ll take it!

MATT: What was the athletics for the form?

MARISHA: (laughs) Oh. I guess I just have my dex?

MATT: Strength.

MARISHA: My strength? Which is a plus five.

MATT: Yeah, so, what’s the total?

MARISHA: It was a total for my d20 roll?

MATT: Yeah.

MARISHA: That would be 18?

MATT: 18, that works. So no damage is dealt, but you punch the Beholder down back onto the ground, and you land at its side, right there.

LIAM: Is it on the ground or five feet above the ground?

MARISHA: Am I, like, on top of it?

MATT: It’s, like, five feet above the ground; it’s still within– You’re not on top of it per se, because you didn’t grapple, you slammed it. So you land next to it, essentially.

SAM: Nice job, Thing.

MARISHA: Okay, so I just brought him down. Do I do any damage?

MATT: You take six points of fall damage from the impact. No big deal.

LAURA: Mmm, I shouldn’t say it. Do you get to stay as an earth elemental if you’re right in front of him?

MATT: That’s right, is it a magical ability?

MARISHA: Beast Sense? Beast Shape?

MATT: Checking right now.

MARISHA: I was wanting to, like, ride him, stand on top of him–

MATT: Right, but as part of the– that would be a grapple, as opposed to a slam, so unfortunately that wouldn’t be the case. And for–

MARISHA: I would’ve had to, like, specify?

MATT: Wild Shape. “Magically assume the shape of a beast.” As you fall past its eye–

(groaning)

MATT: Keyleth returns to her normal form.

MARISHA: That sucks. I can’t crawl backwards? I can’t, y'know, like– butterfly effect?

MATT: No, that was the placement where you were above it, unfortunately. All right. That ends your turn, though. Zahra, you’re up.

MARY: (sighs) All right. Oh, it’s looking towards me– hmm.

MARISHA: Can I do a bonus action, then, if I fell out of my form, and cast a spell as a bonus action?

MATT: Sure.

MARISHA: Can I cast Grasping Vine? No, wait, no, never mind, I can’t grapple.

SAM: Oi! Look at the guy right behind you!

MARISHA: Okay, I’ll cast Healing Word on Scanlan.

TRAVIS: (laughing) There you go!

MATT: Okay! You go ahead and cast the spell, and as you reach behind– No effect.

MARISHA: Oh, son of a fuck, I’m in his fuckin’ front eye! God damn it. Shit– cock– balls–

TRAVIS: You’ve got, like, 12 healing potions!

LAURA: They don’t work in front of him, right? They’re magic?

MARY: They’re potions, though–

MATT: One way to find out. What are you doing, Zahra?

MARY: All right, I’m going to… One, two, three, four, five, six. I’m going back behind him.

MATT: You’re aiming at the screen, I don’t know where that is.

MARY: Oh, say– hey, where are you?

(laughter)

MARY: There. And then I’m going to use my Charred Dark Staff, being right next to the son-of-a-bitch, and I will use Witch Bolt one more time, only because it’s got the biggest amount of damage. I’ll use it at fifth level, so I’ll still have one charge left on my staff.

MATT: All right! So go ahead and roll a d20 with your spell attack modifier.

LAURA: Okay, Zahra, you’re going to get him. I can feel it.

MARY: Natural 20.

(cheering)

WILL: That was three, baby! That’s my Z right there!

MATT: Go ahead and roll your damage. So that’s 5d12.

MARY: 5d12.

SAM: Whoa! This could do it!

MARY: All right, these are all d12s.

LAURA: Those are all 12s, yes.

MARY: Okay. 19– 35– 35.

LAURA: Times two– 70.

MARY: 70.

SAM: Whoa, wait, what? Two? Wait? Huh?

MARISHA: She critted.

MATT: All right, so it’s 35 points of damage on, from the five–

MARY: Plus two.

MATT: Well, the plus two’s after. 35 times two, so that would be 70 points of damage.

MARY: 72.

MATT: 72 points of damage.

All right, how do you want to do this?

(cheering)

MARY: Scanlan, how would you like to use Bigby’s Hand to do this?

SAM: Bigby’s Hand is not doing it, you’re the one doing it!

MARY: I’m doing it, all right, I want to stick my bloody staff into his eyeball and make him explode.

MATT: Okay. My token’s not facing the right way.

SAM: I’ll use Bigby’s Hand to catch some of the sinew and blood and–

MARY: (laughing) Some of the spewing!

MATT: All right, so. As you glance over at Scanlan and give him that visual perspective of, “Let’s do this,” you glance over, reach out your hand and pull Bigby’s Hand towards you. It streaks up and grabs the back of the beholder like a baseball, just palming it, thrusting it down towards you, Zahra. Its mouth open, it reaches down, teeth open, momentarily frustrated by the moment, it’s going to use this to try and bite down. As you reach up, you slam your staff up into its mouth and release the Witch Bolt at ground zero from the inside of its body. The eye widens for a second as the top of the staff pierces the upper part of its palate, and with a burst of black and bluish electrical energy, the entirety of its skull just (explosion), just detonates from the inside, sending chunks of slimy flesh and bone and whatever brain matter resides inside the cranium of this beholder scattering across the room.

MARY: Are we all covered in muck?

MATT: Yes, you are.

MARY: Yes!

WILL: Oil can!

LAURA: I immediately call out, help Kash!

MARY: Kash!

LIAM: And I start running to the edge. Kima! Are you all right?

MARISHA: I run to the edge with Vax, since I saw fucking Kima go over.

MARY: Can I go over and help Kash?

MATT: Yes. Well, as the beholder dies, the ray eventually fades off– And the tendrils retract into the wall.

MARY: So I pull him up, pick him up.

LAURA: I run to look over the edge to take care of Kima, too.

MARY: Covered in muck, I look at my brother and I say, are you all right?

WILL: I’m all right, thank you.

LAURA: I’m pulling the rope out and trying to lower it over the edge.

LIAM: I’m going down, I’m rappelling. Rappelling. Rappelling.

MATT: You hear the voice echoing from inside: “I’m all right! Relatively speaking.”

MARISHA: Vax is coming down to get you!

LIAM: Hold on, yeah, yeah, I’ll give a– piggy-back you up, come on. Just wait a moment.

MATT: As you come down, pulling your dagger out and using it as a torch, down in the inside as you’re lowered, you can see there are hundreds of partially eaten corpses of those fish humanoids that you encountered earlier, as well as what appears to be various cradles of gathered slime and putrescence, the real core of where this Beholder had been existing at the bottom of this tomb.

LAURA: If you’d gone down there, I would’ve jumped right down there.

MATT: Kima’s down there, currently holding one shoulder. You can see, she’s tended to herself with her wounds for the most part on her own, but just currently looks up, like, “I’ve got nothing.” As soon as you descend from the pit dangling from the rope, she goes: “Okay! Good.”

LIAM: Hold on, let’s tie you up. Grog?

TRAVIS: Yeah?

LIAM: I’m going to tie her up, you’re going to pull her up first, and then throw it down and get me.

TRAVIS: Pull her up and throw her down?

LIAM: Yeah– no! Almost! Just pull Kima up!

TRAVIS: Okay!

LIAM: Step two is coming! And I’m going to use perception on this pile of bones down here as she gets yanked up.

LAURA: Look for any loot!

MATT: Roll investigation.

MARY: Should we go to the tomb?

SAM: I’m chugging a greater healing potion while I look around for any loot around the altar and around the dead bodies.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Trinket, with me, if you wouldn’t mind. And we’re going to walk up to the altar and push the sarcophagus open.

MATT: Okay. So you guys move up and push the sarcophagus open. As you guys slowly start bringing Kima up, the rope itself tense with the weight, 'cause she’s wearing a lot of armor, but it manages to pull her up without issue. You go ahead to the top of the sarcophagus there and it is covered in black feathers, some of which got pushed off in the battle. You shove the top open and you can see inside a skeletal corpse that is resting, surrounded by what looks like very, very fine golden and silver jewelry that have just been laid at its sides. And on the corpse itself, you can see there is a set of jet-black studded leather armor that has a series of runic engravings and carvings along pretty much every square inch of the leather. And you can see around the the mantle of it, where the leather mantle falls, the edge is trimmed with black feathers.

MARISHA: That’s hot.

TRAVIS: That’s fuckin’ sick.

LIAM: That’s some Labyrinth of Jareth shit right there.

TRAVIS: Artists, go!

MATT: Make an investigation check.

LIAM: 15, a very average 15.

MATT: 15?

LAURA: I’m trying to– Brother, I’m going to go look at the stuff that they’re finding, okay? Be safe!

LIAM: Okay. I’m looking through some bones.

LAURA: And I run over to the sarcophagus.

MATT: You find what looks to be– roughly, within the brief time you’ve spent, and you’ve spent like a good ten minutes kind of, like, combing through the slime, you find about six gold pieces.

LIAM: Oh, wow. Are there any fish-guy bones?

MATT: Plenty of fish-guy bones, yeah!

LIAM: I play a couple of them on the wall. Do a little song.

MATT: All right. It’s beautiful with the echo, it gives it this sort of reverberation effect to it.

WILL: Kash walks over and heals Kima.

MATT: Okay, as Kima gets pulled over the edge, you reach over and help. She’s like, “Thanks, appreciate that, I– that didn’t go as planned. I’m a little embarrassed.”

LAURA: (laughs) All good, Kima!

MATT: “It was a very long fall! And I survived that–”

TRAVIS: You did! Did you feel anything squish when you landed?

MATT: “Eh, nothing I couldn’t handle.”

TRAVIS: Did you black out?

MATT: “No.”

SAM: Did you pee your underoos?

MATT: (laughs) Make an insight check.

TRAVIS: Shit, my insight’s balls– Five.

MATT: No, man. She owned that fall!

TRAVIS: Yeah, you’s a badass bitch.

MARY: It was a heck of a scream as you went down.

LIAM: Grog!

TRAVIS: Yeah?

LIAM: Throw down the rope! Please?

TRAVIS: Oh, I so want to just throw the entire rope down.

(laughter)

LIAM: Pretty please?

TRAVIS: Without holding onto the other end? No, no, no, I know what he means.

LAURA: It’s infinite rope!

TRAVIS: Yeah, but I would throw the whole thing down. I throw it down to him.

MARY: Are there any beholder teeth left? Anything? Any sort of–

MATT: I mean, there are chunks of, there are a few full teeth that you could try and take.

MARISHA: Keyleth actually goes over and starts doing her harvesting thing.

MATT: Not a whole lot left to harvest. Like, it is destroyed. There’s a few eyestalks that you could probably pull.

MARISHA: Yeah, that’s true, I’ll check out the eyestalks.

LAURA: Can we perception check the tomb and see if it’s safe to grab shit out of it?

MATT: Sure, go ahead and make an investigation check

TRAVIS: Hey, Vax, you got that rope yet?

LIAM: Thank you!

TALIESIN: I’m going to– Very gently, I’m removing the leather armor from the body.

MATT: Okay, I need Vex, I need Percy, and I need Trinket to all make dexterity saving throws.

LIAM: Evil shit.

LAURA: One.

SAM: Dead. Instant death.

LIAM: Why are you rolling twice?

LAURA: For Trinket!

TALIESIN: I’m going to use one of my re-reroll a saving throw.

LAURA: Six for Trinket! It’s a good night, you guys.

SAM: Did I find any loot in the bodies of the losers? The little guys?

MATT: You find a bunch of shitty spears, crappy leather, and through all them all, about 12 gold pieces.

TALIESIN: That can almost buy a book. 21.

MATT: You manage, as you reach out and grab for the armor, as your fingers touch it, there’s this vibration and it seems like the shadows, the nearby shadows in the corners, seem to reach up towards your hands. You pull back in time, but you and Trinket notice a little too late as there’s a burst of death. A burst of death energy that just bursts out for a ten-foot radius around the entire sarcophagus. You avoid it. Both you and Trinket suffer 56 points of necrotic damage.

LAURA: I’m unconscious. Trinket–

MATT: Does that bring you below zero?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Vex’s body falls and hits the stonework, and you look over as you see her eyes stare up, the last bit of air escaping from her lungs as the life drips out of her form.

TALIESIN: Oh shit.

MARY: What?

LIAM: What’s going on?

TALIESIN: Running over.

MARY: What? Running over, pouring a healing potion in her mouth, instantly, as quickly as possible.

WILL: I can revive her too.

MARY: Kash, do something.

MATT: The healing potion has no effect, and as you go to her, you can already feel the clutch to her skin. Her body is instantly cold from the necrotic blast.

MARISHA: Kashaw!

MATT: You glance over at the sudden intense energy of the room and see your sister lying cold and lifeless on the ground, being cradled by Zahra.

LIAM: The fuck happened?

MARY: Kash, Kash, Kash.

WILL: I can raise the dead.

LIAM: I run over.

WILL: I can revivify or I can raise the dead.

MARISHA: Revivify, revivify.

WILL: Let’s do it.

LIAM: I’m already running over. I’m picking her up. What happened? I was only down there for 30 seconds.

MATT: Do you have it prepared?

WILL: What do you mean?

MATT: Do you have it prepared as one of your prepared spells?

WILL: I believe so, yeah.

MATT: Check your list to see if it has a little dot next to it.

LIAM: I’m pouring a healing potion in her mouth. I’m pouring a greater potion in her mouth.

MATT: Okay. No effect.

LIAM: The fuck is going on?

WILL: Yes, I do.

TALIESIN: Do it. Do it.

WILL: I do. I have it prepared.

SAM: It’s true. It’s written down. It’s true.

TALIESIN: Do it.

WILL: And I have third levels left.

TALIESIN: Do it.

MARISHA: Oh my God, I’m shaking.

WILL: I can bring her back.

MATT: You rush over. You reach in your pouch and pull out a bit of clustered diamonds in your hand that you keep just in case for such a circumstance, and as you place them out, you sprinkle them across her chest, pushing Vax a little bit away, knowing that you need the concentration on this, at which point you pull up the symbol, and this type of magic, life and death magic, draws a little closer than you feel comfortable with Vesh, and you realize at this moment that you’re going to have to make the choice to possibly call her attention forth.

SAM: Call whose attention forth?

LIAM: What are you hesitating for? Do it. Whatever the fuck you’re going to do, do it.

WILL: She could destroy everything.

LIAM: Do it.

MARISHA: What do you mean, she could destroy? What do you mean?

SAM: Who’s she?

WILL: I mean the dragons are going to be the least of your fears if she comes back. That’s what I mean.

MARISHA: Kashaw, you’re running out of time.

SAM: Who’s she?

WILL: I’m going to bring her back.

MATT: Okay. So, we’re going to do a quick ritual skill challenge as part of this revivify enchantment. So as you grasp the symbol, and as you do, you can see all of the scars across your forearm begin to light with a deep red crimson energy, just (hissing sound), and you close your eyes, and as you look up, you can see Kash’s eyes just go straight black, and this dark energy begins to swirl off, and as it reaches out, it touches the diamonds, which then shatter upon impact, and the dark energy seeps into your sister’s corpse. The back arches, though she does not register on the face or any of her movement. Her body lifts slightly in place, her arms just draped, dangling and scraping against the stone beneath her as she’s elevated there. How do you guys want to help with this ritual?

TALIESIN: I take out three of my shards of residuum, and I place them in where the crystals are as an extra offering.

MATT: Okay, so you place the residuum across where the diamond dust was shattered and use that as almost a focus for the energy from the spell. All right, I need you to go ahead and roll an intelligence check. Just roll a d20 and add your intelligence modifier.

LAURA: I’m going to throw up. Oh no.

TALIESIN: I can use my rerolls as well, correct? I can’t use my–

MATT: That’s for saving throws, not for ability checks. What did you roll?

TALIESIN: Six.

MATT: Six. The energy itself vibrates within the glass shards, which then shatter, seemingly not able to focus the energy of the spell.

MARY: I take my enchanted moonstone from my staff and place it next to her.

MATT: Okay, so as you take the moonstone, and– are you speaking to your patron to aid with this?

MARY: I am.

MATT: All right, so as you take the moonstone and hold it aloft, you place it near the focus of Kashaw’s ritual. The dull white glow begins to intermingle with the dark, shattered energy of Vesh’s grant, and as they impact, it creates this strange grey swirl. I need you to go ahead and roll an arcana check. Roll a d20 and add your arcana skill to it.

LIAM: Depending on what she does, I’d like to do something next.

LAURA: (whispered) That’s good. That’s good.

MARY: 17.

MATT: Okay. The grey balances, and where the two meet now, there is just grey energy seeping into her body. You, focusing, look up at the altar where the body was, and you see the very faint drifting image of a dark female form looking on. Who wants to make the third and final attempt to aid?

SAM: I will–

LIAM: I do.

SAM: Oh, sure, I will let you do that.

LIAM: I pull my sister in close, and I say, take me instead, you raven bitch.

MATT: Go ahead and make a persuasion check. With advantage.

LIAM: 11.

MATT: 11. Okay. At this point, the dark female form that drifts from the altar, you glancing up intently, feeling the sudden intense, fearful gaze of Vesh upon you. As it gets closer and closer, the presence is different. What you feared was Vesh is not Vesh, actually. It is an image, a specter of the Raven Queen herself. The face is formless at this proximity. You can’t make any details. It’s just this perpetually blurred female form of a face. The hair just tumbles down past, and as it steps forward, no expression, no words. The hand reaches out towards you, Vax. There’s a nod. The magic strengthens, focusing through your moon crystal into Vax’s body. I’ll take a picture of this so that no one questions this. A moment passes. A second moment passes. The vision of the Raven Queen nods the head to you, steps backward, and the specter vanishes. (gasping) Breath fills Vex’s lungs as she begins to cough, her form drifting back to the stonework. Your vision clears, and you find yourself looking up at the partially broken stone ceiling of the dark altar into the face of your brother, tears streaming down his face, the rest of your friends gathered around.

LAURA: What happened?

MARY: Hello, darling.

LAURA: I feel so cold.

LIAM: You were knocked out.

LAURA: Knocked out?

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: (sighs) Well, that was a close one. (laughs) Did we find anything?

MARISHA: I reach out, and I touch Vax on his back. Do I feel or sense anything different?

MATT: No.

LAURA: (exaggerated sobbing) God.

MARY: I take my stone and put it back in my staff.

LAURA: Why are you crying?

LIAM: I’m not crying, stupid.

WILL: I’m all right. You people suck.

SAM: I just hand Vex 30 gold and say, sorry about before.

LAURA: What happened?

TRAVIS: You fucking died.

MARY: Grog.

TRAVIS: Yeah. We turned around. I pull your brother out of the pit, and you’re laying there lifeless on the floor.

LAURA: What?

MATT: At which point, you immediately have this perpetual slapping of wet bear tongue across your face as Trinket is just (bear noises) nuzzling up against you and, like, pressing all his weight against your body to an almost intense degree.

LAURA: All right, all right. Your breath is lovely. Okay. How did I–

TRAVIS: How do you feel?

LAURA: I feel– I feel cold?

MARY: Here, take my cape.

LAURA: How am I not dead, then, if I died–?

TRAVIS: That’s a good question. Vax, how are you feeling?

LAURA: (softly) Vax–

LIAM: I walk out of the chamber.

LAURA: Wait, Percy, did you set off a trap? Is that how I died?

TALIESIN: Yes.

LAURA: (laughing nervously) Well– who brought me back?

SAM: Kash.

TALIESIN: And your brother.

LAURA: Oh.

TRAVIS: And Zahra.

LAURA: Oh.

MARISHA: I grab Kash by the hand and, just to him: What does this mean?

WILL: To be honest, I have no idea.

MARISHA: How do you feel?

WILL: I feel okay. I hope the barrier that was sealed has remained sealed, or this is the start of very bad things.

MARISHA: Why did you do that?

WILL: 'Cause I knew you wanted me to.

TRAVIS: Hey, Vex, do you want any, like– ale or anything? You– I got some, like, firewater?

LAURA: Yes! Yeah, yeah, give me some of that. It’ll warm me up.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: We need to get those– those leathers, those vestiges or whatever, and get the– out of here.

TRAVIS: Well, I think that was the problem, right? Did we get it?

MATT: No, that’s– the moment you touched it is when that blast went off.

TRAVIS: Right.

LAURA: Can we not– can we investigate it and see if there’s any traps? I mean, how do we make sure it doesn’t happen again?

MARY: Well, let’s keep you away from it for now, darling. Have a sip of firewater, just to warm you up.

TRAVIS: Here, here’s a big flask of firewater.

WILL: Can we read any of the runes that are on the–

MATT: As you walk back up to the altar and look on the inside, the corpse is dust. The blast, whatever it was, while it didn’t damage anything, seemingly, the remains are dust. The armor is laid there, same place it was when you found it, if a little slumped in without any sort of something to fill it out. Also, most of the jewelry that’s there has turned green and seems to have been robbed of whatever precious metal it was once contained. The only thing that sticks out to you is what looks to be a black crystal that comes to a point on one end. It has a loop on it like it was part of a medallion or a necklace or some sort of a loop to carry on a chain. Those are the only two things you see within.

MARY: So the leather is gone?

MATT: No, the leather is there. The corpse is gone.

MARY: Yes. All right. Is there any way to pick this up without touching it? I mean, is there any way to– can I use Mage Hand to lift it?

MATT: Yeah, yeah. It’s pushing the boundaries of Mage Hand, but you can try.

MARY: I can hold up to ten pounds.

MATT: Yeah. It’s full leather armor. You can just– I’d say–

SAM: I can assist, I’ve got Mage Hand as well.

TRAVIS: Look, I’m a giant tank and I’ve got a super long, like, sword, I could try and give it a pick-up if everybody backs away.

MARY: Well, what if I lifted it up and put it onto your sword, and then you could carry it out that way?

TRAVIS: I was going to put it in the Bag of Holding.

MARY: Oh, put it in the Bag of Holding? Can I lift it up and put it in the Bag of Holding?

WILL: Again, can we read anything that’s written on it?

MARY: Well, we need it, that’s what’s going to help you guys.

MATT: Well, all the runes are inscribed there; you can make an arcana check. Or religion check, one of the two, probably would.

MARY: I glance at it, I can read. I have Eyes of the Runekeeper.

MATT: The language is a forgotten language. It has been dead for– probably since before the Divergence. But your eyes clarify on it in the arcane nature of your sight. You pick up phrases throughout, and it is a tale of the creation of the Raven Queen. It is a tale of her ascendance from mortal to immortal. It is the history of her penance for ascending and taking the throne of another entity that was supplanted. It’s just seemingly a history tale that is woven in with a very, very strong enchantment, and you see within each one of these little runic sections, there are mentions of elements: fire, ice, lightning, you know, it runs through all these various elemental arcane properties that are bound into this enchantment. You’re not entirely certain what the nature of it is.

MARY: Well, do you want to put it into the Bag of Holding and then deal with it later, when you’re up against these things?

TRAVIS: Yeah.

SAM: Matt, I just did an arcana check and got a 23; does that help us know anything at all?

MATT: Okay. It is very magical, it is very enchanted, and I’d say, based on the circumstances in looking at this, whatever the blast that was set off here, the runic elements that maintained that trap that were in the sarcophagus are currently expended.

SAM: Okay. Let’s take it!

MARY: All right, what about the jewelry and the black crystal?

MATT: You can take the black crystal as well.

TRAVIS: It was the runic things in the sarcophagus that set off that blast, not the leather itself?

MATT: You don’t know. But there were two runic circles within the inside of the sarcophagus that were not visible when you first looked into it, that are both now visible and expended of energy.

TRAVIS: All right, yeah, let’s put it in the Bag of Holding. You want to Mage Hand onto my swordy, and then we shish-kabob it into the bag?

MARY: Yes, I’ll take the crystal as well. Is that the only thing– the rest are all tarnished and green, yes?

MATT: Yeah.

MARY: All right. So here’s the black– can I do an investigation check on the crystal at all, or–?

MATT: You’d probably have to take some time with it, like a short rest, to go ahead and ascertain the nature of it.

MARY: All right. Well, maybe on the way back. I don’t know. Get some insight– so here. Mage Hand it up. There we are.

MATT: So you gather your findings, your first retrieval of one of the Vestiges of Divergence a success, barring difficult circumstances. You make your way back out through the tomb.

MARISHA: I walk up to Vex. And I just say: you know, he loves you very, very much. So very much.

LAURA: Thank you, dear.

MARY: I’m so sorry, but we still have to deal with the water and getting out of here. A stone– don’t we have a stone wall there? We still have to get out.

MARISHA: I still have one more Control Water spell I can do.

MATT: Yeah. Well, it wouldn’t be an issue. We’ll say for the sake of story brevity, you guys make your way up through the temple in relative silence, just taking in the moments that have transpired. Through the aid of Keyleth and the rest of the party, you manage to make your way back out the way you came, parting the remnants of the Marrowglade Loch, and start making your way back, in the darkened evening hours, towards Vasselheim.

LAURA: We need rest!

MATT: Do you want to rest on the outside of the loch here?

LAURA: I feel like we should maybe camp and sleep and rest up and get– I don’t know, it’s up to you guys.

TRAVIS: Yeah, no, I think a little treeline rest would be a good idea. Before we go anywhere else.

MARY: I pull Vex aside and say, walk with me for a moment.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: And I go with Kashaw.

MATT: Okay.

MARY: I’m not sure what just happened, but I need you to know that you’re very dear to me. I’ve only known you for a short period of time– At any rate, while you were gone, and I’m not sure how much time I’ll be spending with you from now– I have something for you. After our fight with Rimefang, I forged something for you as well. And it is one Arrow of Dragon-Slaying. And I want you to have this, if for some reason I’m not here, or I can’t help you. I want you to use this to do whatever you can to get rid of these things.

LAURA: (whispers) Thank you, Zahra.

MARY: You’re welcome.

LAURA: Want to kill it.

MARY: Yeah. I want you to kill it. And I want you to write me and tell me how you did it. Details. Lots and lots of details.

MATT: Now it’s Keyleth and Kashaw–

MARISHA: You know, Kashaw, for a cleric, I was concerned maybe you didn’t believe in much at all. And I was very unsure of how you got all of your radiant powers, considering I didn’t know what you believed in. But you must believe in something. So what is it?

WILL: I believe in life. That’s all I was raised to believe in, was life. When you’re married to death, it’s pretty much all you have. And I didn’t believe in any actual person until I met Zahra. She saved my life. She didn’t have to, but she did. And she started to teach me what it meant to have family. I didn’t really know what that was like until I first saw you guys together. I figured there was no way that was going to happen, and then there she was, and suddenly I had a sister. Once again I realized that, at the end, life conquers all.

MARISHA: Well, you did our family a great service today, and you didn’t have to do that.

WILL: Yeah. Vax would’ve killed me. And like I said, I believe in life– mine, above all others. He’s a good guy, you know. And a hell of a warrior. A little creepy, the way he’s always staring at you, but I can’t really blame him.

MARISHA: You know, you’re a good guy too, even though you try really hard to pretend not to be.

WILL: Don’t let that get out, I got a reputation.

MARISHA: Thank you. For everything.

WILL: There is something you have to do for me, though. You got to go and kill these fuckers.

MARISHA: You actually think we can do it?

WILL: I don’t really know, but I know that no one else will be able to. I hope you can. That Grog guy’s fuckin’ huge.

MARISHA: Yeah, he is.

WILL: Stay near him. Behind him, maybe.

MARISHA: Okay, yeah.

WILL: Or just stay near Vax. He’ll look out for you.

MARISHA: And thanks for looking out for me.

WILL: Yeah, you don’t suck.

MARISHA: By the way, y'know, you didn’t need to apologize for stealing that kiss before, it was fine.

WILL: Well, that’s good to know. It was only my second one!

MARISHA: What? Really? It was my first!

WILL: Really?

MARISHA: Yeah!

WILL: Well, between us we’ve had three kisses now, I think we did pretty well.

MARISHA: Aww, yeah! High five!

WILL: Oh, right!

MARISHA: Question. Who was your first kiss?

WILL: That would be my wife.

MARISHA: Oh, sure, yeah.

WILL: Yeah.

MARISHA: Yeah, no, that makes sense.

WILL: (deadpan) Well, this has been pleasant.

MARISHA: Cool, yeah, no, it has been–

(laughter)

WILL: Very, very nice talking to you again. I’m glad that it’s not awkward at all.

MARISHA: I– Yeah.

WILL: Okay. All right.

MARISHA: Well, I c– we should probably–

WILL: I’m going to camp across the way from you tonight, if that’s all right. Just 'cause it’s a little weird, so.

MARISHA: That’s fine. Okay.

WILL: All right. Cool.

MATT: As you guys head back, the rest of you have gathered at the same camp set-up you had the night before. Kima– while you guys were doing this, Kima’s fixed a little bit of a meal at the base and set up her own Bahamut arc of protection on the tree below where you guys are set up. As everyone gathers around, she kinda gets your attention for a moment and goes: “All right, so best that I can understand, we have most of our allies and many of the survivors at your place, right, in Whitestone?”

TALIESIN: Yes.

MATT: “While you’re seeking most of these things, that’s where the bulk of our hope resides. This is also, you say, where Allie is, and where the rest of the survivors of the Council are.”

TALIESIN: Yes, everyone. Everyone that we could save.

MATT: “Okay. Well, for the time being, I’m probably going to head there and make sure that we have defense in case any of these dragons manage to get some sort of wind that this is where their possible usurpers are. They’re going to hit it, and they’re going to hit it hard. Want to make sure that we have at least a decent chance of defending these people. So I figure, all strength that we can spare, beyond those that are searching for these artifacts, go and stay there at the moment. Besides, it’d be good to catch up with a few friends, myself.”

MARY: Lovely meeting you, Lady Kima. Come and find me when you return to Vasselheim.

MATT: “You’re welcome to join us in Whitestone. We could use the help over there.”

LAURA: Both of you?

MATT: “I can guarantee you, probably, seeing what you guys can do today, we can definitely make use of that better over there than killing things for cash here in Vasselheim. But to each their own. Just a noble cause. Helping your friends, whatever.”

MARY: I’d have to put it to the group of Vox Machina. Is that all right with you?

LAURA: Yes! We’ll meet you in Whitestone!

TALIESIN: Whitestone would be honored.

MARY: I’d be more than happy to. I’d be honored, actually.

WILL: As would I, but– damn, this is going to be awkward now. We just had the whole big thing. All right.

MARISHA: Well, I mean, we’re– we’d be passing through, it’d be–

WILL: Yeah. Fair enough. We’d love to help. Just the world and everything, so.

MARISHA: Just– it’d be great, yeah. It’s big. It’s a big, big world.

MATT: “And, just to put this out there, and I don’t mean to say this in any selfish way, but I’m really sick of sleeping in trees. Do you have one of those tree travel things you have already to Whitestone? I could really use a bed.”

MARISHA: Sure, yeah. Yeah.

LAURA: We could all head that way, actually.

SAM: To Whitestone?

LAURA: Do we need to go back, I don’t know, sleep for the night?

MARY: I think we could all use some rest, don’t you?

TALIESIN: We still have the Fire Ashari.

MARISHA: We do still have the Fire Ashari. Granted, I could theoretically just tree back. You guys want to go take a nap at Whitestone?

LIAM and TALIESIN: Yes.

WILL: Could use a bed.

MATT: “Great!”

MARISHA: Tree Stride.

MATT: As the tree opens– Teleport via Plants. As the tree splits open, showing the portal, Kima, whose eyes light up, looks over. “That–”

MARISHA: See? Yeah.

MATT: “Well played, druid. Well played.” And she charges through eagerly, and you guys all follow suit out of the Sun Tree in Whitestone and find yourselves a comfortable bed to sleep for the evening. And that’s where we’ll call tonight’s game. I know it was long, but also, due to scheduling shifts and, y'know, Will couldn’t stay for the next week, I didn’t want to have to leave in the middle of that, I wanted to give you guys closure to the arc. So thank you for staying for a long session.

TRAVIS: Happy-one-year-anniversary extended edition.

WILL: One year. Congratulations to you guys. That’s awesome.

TALIESIN: We haven’t had a near-death in ages! I am so sorry! I am so sorry! Oh god.

LAURA: I had just rolled an investigation, before I could even– I had just rolled to check for traps and then you pulled the stuff.

MATT: It’s only the Champion of the Goddess of Death, man.

LAURA: No, you know what? Thank you– all of you– for not–

MARISHA: (yells) What did you roll?

MATT: Huh? I rolled a 12.

LAURA: A 12, okay. What were you aiming for?

MATT: The DC starts at ten. Each failure increases the DC by one, and a success lowers it by three. So it had gone to 12, and the success had brought it down to a nine. If I had rolled an eight or lower, you’d have been gone for good.

LIAM: Would she or would I?

MATT: Well, she would’ve been gone for good. You would’ve had to have made a very serious journey elsewhere, possibly, to make that exchange.

MARY: What about Trinket?

LAURA: He survived, he didn’t even go below zero on that hit. I was just already at 41, so it lowered me. He had four hit points left.

TRAVIS: The best part of that was that you were totally out of the blast range, and you were like, “I want to go be there when they open up the sarcophagus.” (explosion)

WILL: Yeah! She ran back! Totally!

LAURA: I know! No, believe me, I am aware that my greed fucking did that to me. I am aware.

WILL: Life lesson.

MARY: And will she learn from this moment?

WILL: I thought for a second I hadn’t written down that spell, I was like, “Oh my god, wait, I didn’t write, oh, yes, there it is, thank god.” Oh my god.

MATT: You still could’ve done Raise Dead, it just would’ve been a little more expensive.

WILL: That’s crazy, though–

MARISHA: Well, I thought Raise Dead just brought them back, like, to life as a zombie, that’s what I thought.

MATT: No no no, no, Raise Dead is a proper, like, resurrection-type spell. It just is really expensive, and it’s a ritual, there are limitations to it. Revivify is good, but it has to be used within a minute. Which means when you used previously before and we were in mid-combat, and I didn’t want to do the whole frickin’ ritual in the middle of the battle, so I let it go through.

MARISHA: Because Pike got on him next turn.

WILL: That’s crazy.

LAURA: Ashley was texting as it was happening. Like, “No!”

MATT: Thank you, Mary and Will, for–

TRAVIS: Thank you Mary and Will, yes!

MARISHA: And Mary, getting the “How do you want to do this?” again!

MATT: Yeah! I know, man!

MARY: I like big beasts. And I–

MATT: That was, that was a good– that was delightful overkill. That was, like six points left on that beholder. And you’re like, “Oh, like 70-something.”

MARY: Look, my timing is fucking perfect, though, I always get either the Hellish Rebuke or the Witch Bolt right. It’s all about timing, is all. Because he was really slashed up.

MATT: He was wrecked.

LAURA: Still.

MARY: Yeah, he was.

MATT: Guys, well done. Well, welcome back, glad we’re–

TALIESIN: Never sleep again!

MATT: We, yeah, we’ll see you next week. Hopefully we’ll be announcing a special guest we’ll have the following week, schedule barring. We’ll have a guest in a couple of weeks, hopefully. Should be fun for the announcement. But guys, thank you so much for sticking with us as long as you have. And we’ll see you next week. Is it Thursday yet?